Hello, everyone, I'm so excited.
Tonight is our first week of the Modern Dating Sex Book Club, and so I'm going to do a little
housekeeping here at the beginning.
We're going to get started in just a couple minutes.
And so just a little FYI, if your little microphone is not red, that means that you are unmuted
and we probably can hear a lot of your background noise.
And so let's make sure that our microphones are muted, okay?
And we're going to get started here in just a second.
All right, everyone, we are about to get started.
Welcome to Modern Dating Sex Week 1.
We have a full house, you guys, and so make sure that you have your microphone muted.
Otherwise, we're going to have to take time to mute you, and if you hear a bunch of background
noise, make sure that it's not you, all right?
If your microphone is red, that's the right color for it to be.
If it's not, if it's gray or if it's white, that means that you're probably unmuted and
everyone can hear what's going on at your house.
They can hear you yelling at your dog, yelling at your kids, all right?
They can hear the TV in the background.
If you're someplace public doing this, they can hear all the other people chatting.
And so let's make sure that we keep that muted in order for us to be able to hear the teaching
tonight.
You guys will have plenty of time to do some Q&A here at the end, and I'm going to tell
you how this is going to get laid out.
But for the recording, because this will be available in replay, let's go ahead and give
it a hard, let's give it, we're going to give it a hard open or welcome.
But before we do that, I would love to see where you guys are watching from.
Another little bit of housekeeping, please refrain from adding your AI agents to the
chat, okay?
So make sure that you don't.
I know that sometimes your Zoom automatically does that, but we don't want that to be added.
Okay?
So make sure you don't do that.
And everything is good.
All right.
So go ahead and put where you are, country, city, state.
Love to see where all of you are today, tonight.
It could be in the morning, wherever you are.
I know we have some people joining us from over the pond.
And so put your city, state, country up.
Friends, this is a co-ed, a co-ed time together.
This is a co-ed book club, just so you know, and we have a lot of guys signed up, a lot
more than last year.
We have a lot of guys signed up.
All right.
We have Alaska.
We have Texas.
We have New Mexico, San Antonio, Arizona, California, Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania up in here. We have Houston. We have, I think I said Florida, but
different cities in Florida. We have Canada. We have Michigan. We have Georgia.
We have South Dakota. Oregon. New York is here. Wisconsin is here. Munich is here. We
have Germany here tonight, this morning, today, whatever time it is for you. More
Cali, North Carolina, DC, Washington, Alabama. Look at all these places friends.
So many people and obviously all the people that signed up are not live, but
that's okay. So let's go ahead and give that hard welcome for the replay. So
welcome to Modern Dating Sucks. I'm your host Jackie Dorman. If you're new to me,
welcome to me. I'm Jackie D and I believe that your love story is going to be
different now. I do believe that you are going to be catapulted into a summer of
love. I did this book club last year on my second book, Married in 12 Months or
Less, and it was a great turnout. It was a great time. There were so many success
stories from that book club. So many amazing things happened when people read
that book with me and did the work that was in that book, and I believe the same
thing is gonna happen. This book club is based on my brand new book that just
came out, Modern Dating Sucks. My editor wanted me to say stinks and I said, no
way, Ray. No way because it sucks and there's just really no other way to say
it. And so I refused to change the wording because I wanted it to be
shocking. I have a couple interviews coming up. I've been on several different
news broadcasts. I've been on Access Hollywood promoting the book. I've been
around the circuits promoting the book in the PR world, but the Christian
circuits really have not invited me because of the title of the book, and
that's okay because I really believe that this book is meant to just be a
game-changer. A game-changer for marriage-minded singles, and that's who I
wrote it to. I didn't write it just to Christian singles. A lot of you probably
are Christians that are here because you follow me on Instagram or you've been in
my last year single program, but I wrote it for marriage-minded folks, both men
and women. It does lean heavy towards advice to a woman, but it's for men as
well, anyone who's out there in these dating streets. And so I am proud of it
and I do not regret what I named it. I had one Christian podcast, pretty big
podcast, pretty well-known podcast. He messaged me yesterday and he said, I
can't wait to interview you because I can't wait to say the word sucks on
Christian radio. And I'm like, let's go. Let's go. All right, so if it offends you,
what's inside of it will probably offend you as well because it is going to show
you where things have gone wrong and also where you may have been playing
into the things that have gone wrong. And so before we get started tonight, I want
to go ahead and go over what you can expect, right? What can you expect it
during this book club? Let's just talk about that for just a few minutes. I
think that's really gonna be helpful. And I'm so proud of you guys showing up on
Tuesday night for your love lives. I'm so proud of you because a lot of things
are gonna shift for you. I do. I believe that they will. This is the only book
club that I'm gonna do as far as I know. And I did it only one time before on my
second book. And I think that it's going to be pretty powerful for all of you
that got to be here live. All right, so let's take a minute and talk about
logistics. All of you should have access to the Last Year Single app and you
should have access to the Modern Dating Sucks group within the Last Year Single
app. Some of you are not Last Year Single community members. Raise your hand if you
are not part of Last Year Single. I can see you here. So raise your avatar hand,
the little yellow avatar hand. Raise it so I can see how many of you are not in
my Last Year Single program. You just joined the book club from an email. You
joined it from social media. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Okay, so far
just a handful of you. So let me tell you, you won't have access to anything else
on that app, Last Year Single. You'll just have access to the book club. All of you
that have your hands up right now. Everybody that's in here that's already
a Last Year Single community member, you have access to all the other groups on
the app. So depending on what phase of the program you're in, you'll have access
to that and you'll have access to this group.
group. How long will you have access to this group?
This group is five weeks long and it will be open for 60 days.
So for 60 days you will have access to everything that happens inside this book
club and inside the app and inside the group on the app. All the replays,
all the Q and A's, all the things that we do, you will have access. Now,
because people love Facebook and no, I'm not saying that's not satire.
I'm not rage baiting you right now for those of you that hate Facebook,
but so many people really do love Facebook,
especially the community component of Facebook. And because of that,
we have a bonus Facebook group. And so when you're in the welcome packet,
the welcome, um, when you're in the app,
modern dating sucks and you're in the welcome phase of the, of the app,
you're in the welcome section.
You will see a link to join that bonus Facebook group.
And all that it is over there is just,
it's easier to have community, right? Because you can post,
you can do a little video, you can do whatever over there. So if you like that,
if you like Facebook, if you want more community, then you can join that.
It is not necessary. It is not necessary for those of you that don't have a
Facebook anymore,
don't want to have a Facebook or don't want to join another Facebook group.
You do not have to join anything.
There is a community tab in the app, in your group, modern dating sucks.
I will be answering questions there as well. In fact,
you'll see that there's a tab called wins.
That's where you're going to put up your little testimonies from this book club.
As we go on, like, Oh, I had breakthrough. I got a revelation. This happened,
that happened, or that coach tab. They ask a coach tab.
You're going to hit that tab and you're going to post all the other posts are
just for all of the community.
Anything that you post in there will be seen by the entire community.
The other two tabs are for wins and for asking me your coach.
Will I respond personally? Yes, I will.
That's what you got when you signed up. You got me, Jackie D. I will,
I will coach you. I will respond to you now.
Will you always like my response? Probably not,
but I'm going to respond and I'm going to help you get out of your own way.
Get out of God's way and get moving towards your love story. Okay.
What else lives in the app?
All of your stuff lives in the app for this book club,
including the PDF of this book.
If you want to buy the physical copy,
there's a link there to buy the physical copy as well, but you don't need it.
You have the PDF, you have the e-read the ebook version, right?
Replays of every single session will be there under the replay tab.
You can find it for 60 days. It will be there.
All of your weekly homework and worksheets. And did you notice I didn't put up,
put up a week to his reading assignment. I didn't put up week two's homework.
You know why? Cause you're not supposed to be going ahead.
You don't have to get it done. I know some of you,
you're going to get the whole book club done before we even say one thing,
before we even start, you're going to have the whole entire book read.
You're going to have everything done and you're going to miss out because it's
about processing.
It's about taking time and letting it marinate and processing.
So I have your content on a drip, meaning that when tonight is over,
you will see week two immediately. It's going to drip every Tuesday.
It's going to be there and you can do the next week's reading assignments and
worksheets. Now, I think that one of the weeks doesn't have a worksheet,
but three of them do. And you have a reading assignment. You read,
you do the questions, you do the homework, and then you show up here.
So all of you should have done your homework.
You should have done your reading. I think it's chapter one and two.
You should have done your dating autopsy. You should have identified your scripts.
You should have done all of that work in those chapters in the reading
assignment for tonight, meaning you have it done already.
Let me see your hands. If you did it,
raise your hand. Okay. Lots of you.
Also what lives inside of your app are the links for our live sessions together.
They're there as well. All you gotta do is just go to the calendar there,
the events and click the link and come straight here. It's easy peasy.
Sound good. Friends do not copy and paste and share that link with others.
The only people that should be here are the people that paid for this experience.
Okay. Okay. Couple of you just signed up a few hours ago,
so you're a little bit behind. That's okay. Catch up, catch up, catch up,
catch up. Don't just listen to the teaching tonight, the coaching tonight,
and then don't go back and do the work from week one.
Make sure that you do that. All right. Okay. All right.
If you don't see an email from us, but we say that we sent out an email,
please check your spam folder, check your promotions folder.
If you have your email set up like that, and if you're ever stuck at all,
you can email us at admin at Jackie Dorman.com.
Write that down, keep it somewhere safe.
Admin at JackieDorman.com, J-A-C-K-I-E-D-O-R-M-A-N,
guess what, it's spelled just like it is
on the front of the book, dot com.
It's not doorman, if you put an extra O in there,
you're gonna go out into the universe somewhere.
Wherever emails go when they have a typo,
I don't know where they go, but they go somewhere,
and that's where you're gonna go.
So don't do that, make sure you spell it right,
and get your information to us
because we want to talk to you.
Okay, all right, the Facebook link, we could drop it,
we have a team member on here,
I think David Dorman is on here,
so if you wanna drop that Facebook link,
babe, that would be great.
We only have one rule and one rule for this book club,
and that is you can't just sign up, you gotta show up.
You gotta show up, which means if you can't be here live,
watch the replay, it'll be 75 minutes long,
you can do it, watch the replay.
You signed up for a reason.
For those of you that believe in God, you're believers,
I believe God led you here for a reason,
and I believe that the reason is he wants you,
first of all, to get rid of all the shame
that you have around your singleness,
because as you saw in our first reading assignment,
that is broken out there.
Now, I know that you think you're broken,
and some of you probably have more heart work
that needs to be done before you can really step
into a healthy relationship.
A lot of you have already done a lot of heart work,
and you're ready to test it out in a relationship,
because it will test you.
Relationship's gonna bring all that stuff up to the yard,
okay, and that's gonna be good for you.
It's gonna trigger you in the best way.
But some of you probably can't even get to that place yet,
because you still have some unpacking to do.
That's great, but the thing is,
is whether you have a lot more heart work to do,
or a little bit of heart work to do,
regardless of that, the reason why you're single
has less to do with you and more to do with the culture
that we live in, do you believe me?
I hope you believe me, because that's why I wrote this book.
I wrote this book, because I was really tired
of singles blaming themselves for the fact
that we have a singleness epidemic.
We have a loneliness epidemic.
You guys, never in the history of humanity
has there been this many single people.
Do you know that?
And I don't say that to discourage you,
because there's a fix, and I wrote it.
I wrote about it in the book.
There's a fix for this.
The ancient of days has ancient ways,
and we gotta bring the ancient ways back.
We gotta bring back the village.
We gotta bring back the matchmakers.
We gotta bring back the places of community
and the places of even spiritual community,
getting involved in our love lives,
not acting like our love lives are a taboo subject.
It's a slippery slope, friends,
and we're gonna get into that tonight
as we go into the overview of your reading assignment, okay?
How many of you believe that it's not you
that there's something wrong with,
that there's actually something wrong with the system?
Let me see your hands,
because only three of you said yes, so I wanna see.
Jodi's working on it.
That's honest.
I appreciate that, Jodi.
We always wanna blame ourselves, don't we?
And listen, I'm not saying that you guys are healthy.
I don't even know a lot of you, okay?
So I'm not saying that you're perfectly healthy.
I'm not saying that you're not in your own way somehow.
I'm not saying that, but I'm telling you
that even if you got out of your own way,
it's an uphill climb.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
And we went over that in your reading assignment
for this session.
But tonight, one of the main things that we're gonna do
as we do the overview is you are going to put
that belief down that you are the problem.
You're gonna put that belief down.
You're gonna be willing to do the work,
whatever work you individually need to do,
but you are gonna stop believing
that it's easy for everybody else out here
and it just must be a you problem.
Or whatever other lie you've been believing.
There's no good men left, there's no good women left,
whatever it is that you've been believing.
You're too old, you've been too married, this, that,
whatever those lies are that you've been believing,
you're gonna leave that here tonight
because you're gonna understand that even with all of that,
if things weren't so broken out here in the system,
then you are the problem.
would already be married, you would.
Now, would you have to do a lot of work in that marriage?
Uh-huh, yeah, you would, because marriage is not easy
and it's especially hard if your heart is hard.
So that's why doing the hard work ahead of time
is really, really, really important, really important.
Okay, got a few people crying already.
Extra bonus points if you cry.
It's beautiful, it's beautiful.
All right, so as you guys read,
and I wanna get your feedback.
I wanna get your feedback of the history of dating.
As you guys read, dating the way that we do it now
is barely 100 years old.
Was that not shocking?
Was it not shocking to find out how it started?
I wanna see you, I wanna see ladies.
How many of you were shocked when you found out
where the tradition of men paying for us on dates came from?
It didn't come from chivalry, it came from patriarchy.
It came from a wage gap, it came from parity,
it came from women not being paid a livable wage.
Is that crazy?
And I know, even though we have our own money now,
we have our own jobs, we have our own stuff,
we're like, you better pay, bro, you better pay.
But here's our first little coaching nugget.
If you show up to that date
and you're not interested in that man,
you need to at least offer to pay for yourself.
If you show up to that date and you're like,
nope, this is never, never, never, never gonna happen,
then you need to pay for yourself.
You need to Venmo that man for your coffee, all right?
He probably isn't gonna take it, but he might.
He might.
And you're like, Jackie, why are you saying that?
Because there is way too many men out here
that I've coached and that I've talked to
and that have sent me DMs
that are tired of being taken advantage of
by women who are not interested in them.
And you guys, that's fair.
Ladies, that's fair.
This whole passenger princess thing, done.
We're done with this, okay?
We are.
We're not here for a free meal or a free ride.
But the ladies back in the day were.
During industrialization,
they were there for the free ride.
They did go to dances and picture shows
and dinner with men they weren't attracted to
because a girl's gotta eat, okay?
A girl's gotta eat.
And they weren't gonna be going to dinner
unless a man paid
because they simply did not have the funds.
Do you see this?
Do you understand?
In the 1950s, you couldn't even get a credit card.
I see Bonnie is saying this here.
You couldn't even get a credit card.
Your husband could get a credit card.
He would co-sign for you,
but you couldn't get a credit card.
Not that we need credit cards,
but you understand what I'm saying.
So there's a lot of things,
a lot of things that have changed, ladies,
and those are good things,
but we need to make sure
that we see where we've come from.
Back in the day, it was called courtship.
Back in the day, it wasn't a pre-arranged marriage,
but it was a pre-approved marriage.
It was a pre-approved marriage.
Everybody knew everybody.
In fact, the chances of you being distant
or maybe not so distantly related
to the person that you marry are really good.
They passed some laws about that
because of some birth defects that started popping up,
but the chances way back when
of you marrying someone within your own clan,
and this is why it just cracks me up
when influencers on Instagram
are talking about date like the Bible,
or we just need to use the Bible as our template
and just sit around and wait for God to bring our spouse.
First of all, all those people, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,
they all married their relatives, okay?
They married relatives.
That's who they married.
When Abraham sent out his servant to go find his son,
he said, go to my house.
Remember how Abraham left his father's house
and he went off to look for a city
that didn't have human hands?
For those of you that are not Christians,
you're like, what are you talking about, Jackie?
I'm talking about a Bible story, like an ancient story
where the patriarch of Christianity, Abraham,
sends his servant out back to his father's house,
back to his people, back to his clan
to find a wife for his son, Isaac.
He makes a servant promise,
do not take a stranger as a wife.
Don't bring a stranger back.
Bring back someone from my family, you guys.
Rebecca was a family member. Do you understand?
And so do you understand now why we can't use the Bible as a template for our
love lives? We can't.
There's good stuff throughout the entire book,
right? But not all of it can be applied to your modern life.
Do you understand that?
And this is one of the things that cannot be applied.
It can't be applied to your modern life.
The template, the way that we sat around waiting.
And then, unfortunately, the courtship era
that you and I, our great-grandparents lived in,
the 1800s, the Jane Austen, anyone a fan of this type of literature?
Well, this type of literature really shows, and this is why these women wrote
these books. They wrote these books because of, you know, the whole male-
female drama of that century.
And you were going to marry someone who was approved of by the community.
Guys, this is why a scandal rocked your world back then.
It rocked your world. That's why a divorce rocked your world.
That's why adultery rocked the world because these were tight-knit
communities. And if you got blacklisted, you're done.
Do you guys see these movies through a different lens now, right?
These are tight-knit communities.
If you get blacklisted for bad behavior, then no one is going to marry you.
And getting married back then, gentlemen, you as well, not just the ladies.
If you were a blackguard, you were not getting married.
And the reason why was because they wanted- the marriages were not just
about the two people coming together. They were about the community.
It was about, is this union going to be good for the community?
Is it going to be good for our lineage? Is it going to be good for our legacy?
People had a vested interest in who their children married.
The community had a vested interest in who the kids of the community married.
Yes.
In Pride and Prejudice, that's why Mrs. Bennett was such a craze ball.
She had five girls to marry off.
That's a lot of daughters to try to marry off in that story, in that era
of time, especially if you don't have any dowry.
You don't got any money, right?
So you guys, that was the courtship era.
And please keep in mind that people didn't see each other of the opposite
sex except in really approved of supervised settings.
And now you see people in the next post-industrialization.
The cities start opening.
No longer these farming towns, but the cities start opening up and the young
people go off to the cities to work.
And this is where the first dating started.
And I already talked about that.
The girls not earning a wage, the guys, young people with a lot of freedom
and a lack of supervision.
And the newspapers back in that day used to say that this dating thing is
going to ruin society.
These young people, their families don't approve, their families don't even
know each other.
They're out here.
They're going out with no supervision.
They're in cars together.
They're doing all this stuff, you know, whatever, whatever.
And then you guys, the very next thing that happened were the World Wars,
World War I, World War II.
And so the girls that were already in the city, they took the place.
They took the boys place in the factories.
The boys went to war.
Do you guys see how all the rules got lost of society?
All the rules of what was considered decorum, what was considered
tradition, what was considered right and good, all of it got lost.
You see it?
And so when I tell you, for those of you in last year single, and I say,
hey, the reason why so many people are single is the curse.
I'm not lying.
Because that's what you see here.
We see the breakdown of society.
We see World Wars.
What's that?
That's the fall of man.
That's the fallen nature of man.
That's what's happening there.
And then you see society starting to deteriorate, right?
So for those of you that didn't raise your hand when I asked, do you
believe that it's less about you and more about what's happened to
society?
Maybe you're going to start believing it now.
It's the Wild Wild West out there.
There's no rules.
And right on the heels of the World Wars were the 1950s and you guys,
the 1950s were a sham.
I researched this.
I wrote it in the book for you.
The 1950s, the Golden Age of America, the Golden Age of the family, the
nuclear family, husband, wife, 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, all the
things.
Sham.
It was a sham.
It was a PR.
PR situation, what were they trying to do?
They were trying to put everything back in order
after the wars.
They were trying to get the women back in the house,
the men back at work.
They were trying to put society back into order,
but it was too late.
There was no doing that.
And that's why in the 1960s and 70s,
you see massive pendulum swing of rebellion.
We see the introduction of birth control,
chemical birth control, prophylactic birth control,
abortion on demand.
Abortions have always existed
since the beginning of time, friends,
but abortion on demand, that came in the 60s and 70s.
And what does that do?
That means that now I can have sexual partners
without being afraid of being pregnant.
And as a man, I can have sexual partners
without being afraid of getting a woman pregnant.
So what does that mean?
That means that we're separating male-female relationship
from the idea that this person that I'm with is my person
and I'm going to make a commitment to them
and I'm going to marry them.
We're separating that because of the introduction
of contraception and abortion.
You guys see that?
Because back in the day, if you went that far with someone,
you better be ready to be a parent.
If you went that far with someone,
you were making kind of an unspoken promise
because of the possibility of conceiving and having a child.
And so all of that, once again, changed the narrative.
And you see it's young people.
It's important that you see this.
Young people left the farming towns right about the age
where they would be getting married
and they went into the cities to work.
And then their young people are the ones that went to war.
And then in the 1950s, and there was a young people
that were coming back and the baby boom
and all the things that were happening then.
It's the young people in the 60s and 70s that were rebelling.
And the same thing with the 1980s and the 1990s.
What do we see?
We see all kinds of media, movies, sitcoms
around singleness as a hobby, about lots and lots of choices.
You're like, Jackie, we read this in the book,
why are you going over it?
Because it's so important that you understand
that you've been completely brainwashed.
It's really important that you understand
that the entire world has been very, very, very programmed
and indoctrinated for over a hundred years now.
Do you guys see it?
It's crazy, right?
And then what did we do?
We entered the digital era.
We'd entered the digital age.
With all of this broken information,
all of this loss of masculine and feminine,
all the loss of better together,
all the different ideas and all the things
that were happening, we introduced online dating.
We introduced digital romance.
We introduced separation between community
and people now completely talking to strangers.
Like not just stranger strangers, stranger strangers.
People that you have no idea who they are
or where they're from, what their people are like,
if they're even a real person.
Do you guys see it?
Now, we have no rules anymore.
And people think the absence of rules equals freedom,
but you can see from what I've written
in the first two chapters of this book
is that it doesn't equal freedom.
It actually equals bondage, doesn't it?
And I don't know, a lot of you,
your parents may be no longer alive.
I know some of you are old enough to know better,
but I'm gonna tell you that the lack of family involvement
in our love lives, and some of you come from families
that are not healthy and you wouldn't want them involved
in all the things, but there can be friends
that we have as family.
There can be community.
The antidote to the poison that we have drank
in this society and the system,
the romantic system is people.
You're gonna see that.
You're gonna see that all throughout the book.
You can read ahead.
You can read the whole book if you want to,
but I'm gonna tell you right now,
the antidote to the poison is people.
Letting people into your love life.
Inviting people into your love life.
Trusting people with your love life.
Caring about each other's love lives,
just like we did back in the beginning
when we all lived in these farming communities together.
Caring about community, caring about the furtherance
of the community.
community, caring about people, making the right decisions in these areas of their lives.
Not just yours, but other people's as well.
And we're going to get there.
And that is, it's going to be a powerful shift for a lot of you during this time together
of these five weeks.
I can't be the only matchmaker.
And I would love to tell you that I have a dating app coming out and I do have a dating
app coming out really soon.
And guess what it's based on?
It's based on this.
It's actually a community-based matchmaking app.
It's not a dating app and it's going to be the first thing that has ever been like it
before.
But it still requires you to play matchmaker.
It still requires you, in fact, I just made a match earlier before I got on here.
The person that reached out to me about one of my spotlights, one of my guy spotlights
is not the person that wanted to meet him.
She wanted her friend to meet him.
And guess what?
He wants to meet her friend.
He's interested.
I got the profile.
I sent the profile.
I did the things.
I made the introduction.
Here we go.
I didn't do that.
I didn't go find that girl.
Someone else brought that girl to the, to the party.
Amen.
Someone else brought that girl to the party.
Guys for thousands of years, these systems were how people had marriage and family and
they've eroded, but we can rebuild them, but we have to rebuild them together.
There's 162 of us on here.
I'm not going to talk about the six degrees of separation yet, but if we do the math,
that's a lot of people that all of us represent together.
And we will do that math later, but we're not going to do it right now.
All right.
So this first session is really about us moving from shame to clarity.
I'm just fighting for you guys to understand that the problem is not you.
And if you're out here just trying to fix yourself, fix yourself, fix yourself, fix
yourself.
And then you think that it's going to change what the real true problem is.
It's not.
Now, is it going to help you to step into your love story?
Yes, it is.
And you should do the work for sure.
But the system is still broken.
Even if you do the work, I want to see the hands of people that have done a lot of work
and you still have not met anyone.
Let's see them exactly.
And that's why you're here.
And that's why this, that's why this book club exists.
All right.
So let's talk about your homework this week because it's where the rubber meets the road.
And this is where you guys are going to begin to interact with me.
Okay.
So your homework was the reading and then doing something besides looking at the history
of the system, seeing how broken it is.
It was also identifying the scripts of what you believe because of the way you were raised
in the system.
We were all raised in the system differently.
We were all raised with a front row seat to different things.
We all watched probably the same movies if we're all from the same kind of generation.
Those of you that are Gen X, you guys grew up with the same movies as me.
Some of you were homeschooled and you literally have not seen any movies and that's fine.
But you did other things.
You read books, you read Christian romance books, this and that, all kinds of things.
Every single thing that you brought into you during your time, including your family that
you saw growing up, their relationships, the people around you as relationships, the books
that you read, the movies you watched, the music you listened to, everything created
a programming.
And all of us have some version of the next five scripts.
The fairy tale script, the chill script, it doesn't have to be the chill girl script guys.
And by the way, friends, this is a co-ed book club, like I said, and you might meet someone
here if you have your camera on.
So you might want to show up here kind of ready to go, right?
Just in case, because it happens all the time.
It happens all the time in my last year single community and it can happen here.
All right.
So the chill, just be chill, abandon your own needs.
Be easy to be with that.
It'd be the chill girl and the passive man script.
The scarcity script, the good ones are rare.
So don't mess this up.
You got to settle.
You got to hang on.
You got to hold on.
Don't let this one go.
It doesn't matter if they're not what you want.
You got to hold on because there's nothing else where that came from, right?
The independent script, hyper-independence is a trauma response, doing everything for
yourself, never being able to ask for help, never let them see you sweat, being strong,
being hard.
Gentlemen, this is for you as well.
A lot of men are out here trying to make their life.
They're trying to make their life.
Well, I've made something of myself, then I'll take a wife.
No, honey, you're not gonna make something
of yourself without a wife.
That's how it works.
Now get you a job, okay?
Because you're gonna need one of those.
And not because your wife doesn't have one,
because she probably does.
Not because your wife's gonna want to ride on your coattails
and be a stay-at-home wife.
You guys know that they're stay-at-home wives?
Yeah, you heard me right.
Not stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home wives, wives.
The soft life, they call it the soft life.
These women are staying at home
and they're going to Pilates,
and they're driving Mercedes,
and they're getting their hair done,
and they're going to the salon,
and they might have a dog, maybe they're a dog mom.
There's no children in the picture,
neither will there be children in the picture anytime soon,
because they're doing their soft life.
Just so you know, ladies,
that will not make you a better person.
That's not gonna stretch you,
that's not gonna make you a better woman,
it's not gonna make you a good wife.
In fact, if you have the soft life,
you're probably hot and you spend all of your day
trying to get hotter, doing all the things,
and that man's probably gonna exchange you
for a newer version someday,
because you just can't keep up with that, all right?
Age comes to us all.
So any man that wants to marry you,
to give you the soft life where you don't have to do anything
and you also are not having any children,
not a good idea, bad idea, bad idea.
And gentlemen,
being married to, and you can be this passive man script,
being married to a woman who gets everything done
and you just can coast through life
and she takes care of everything
and you don't have to think about anything,
you don't have to do anything,
that's also below you as the masculine of God.
It's below you, it's below your pay grade.
You have been created to show up,
you've been created to serve,
you've been created to initiate, all of that's below you.
So look at these, the passive faith script.
This is probably my least favorite of all these scripts.
I know some of these scripts are pretty toxic,
but the passive faith script is the worst,
because this is where you believe God has told you
to just go wait somewhere.
Just go wait somewhere.
Till what, your Medicare kicks in?
Like, what are we waiting for?
Literally, marriage is for this earth life.
So why would you wait until you're 30, 40, 50, 60s?
And if you have already,
I still believe you can have an amazing marriage
for however long you're gonna be left on the earth,
but why would we wait
for something that is only for now?
That does not make any sense.
Does it make any sense to you?
Because it doesn't make any sense.
And also, why would we wait on something
that is meant to mature us?
It's God's maturity plan for mankind, marriage and family.
So why would we try to mature
for something that has been,
is part of the maturity process?
It's what helps you mature.
And that's why, gentlemen,
going off and trying to make yourself into some amazing man
without this stretching of marriage and family,
you know, the woman that you choose
is going to bring that out of you.
She's gonna bring that out of you.
And not because she's nagging you,
but because the feminine naturally makes you
wanna do better.
The feminine naturally wants to make you sacrifice,
naturally wants to make you build,
and wants to build with you.
Okay, so these are the scripts.
Now, remember, friends,
these are generic for the most part,
meaning that you can be a combination of these scripts,
and you can also be something
that's similar to one of these scripts.
I wanna go ahead and see your scripts in the chat.
Which one was your primary?
You can tell us what two or three you have going on.
Some of you have two, some of you have one, major one.
I wanna see the major one.
The wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, just go ahead and wait.
Just wait, wait for the rest of your life, right?
Chill, abandon your own needs, be easygoing.
This is how Maria said she's the chill girl.
That's how you get in situationships, honey.
The chill girl always gets into a situationship
because she's afraid to rock the boat.
She's not asking for her needs to be met.
She's not communicating what she wants.
She's just hoping and praying
that everything is on the same page.
We've got lots of scarcity here.
Look at all the scarcities.
Lots of scarcity.
Independence, fairy tale, waiting for the lightning bolt,
believing that you're gonna feel it, you're gonna know it.
You guys, I heard the saddest thing the other day.
And I hear it all the time, but I hate it every time I hear it.
But this guy was serious as a heart attack.
He was being interviewed on a podcast and he said that when he was in college, he told
his friends that he was going to go find a girlfriend.
So this is where he's going wrong.
He's going wrong because he didn't have a wife mindset.
Not that he's going to get married immediately in college, but please listen up, listen closely
because a lot of you are older than this era of your life, but he's in his early twenties
and he tells his friends he's going to go find a girlfriend.
So yeah, he's immature.
He's not looking for a person that, you know, he can marry.
He wasn't telling his friends, Hey, I'm going to go find a woman that I can, you know, eventually
make my wife.
I'm just going to go find someone to pass time with.
And it's okay for us to learn how to be around the opposite sex with some of these more lower
stake relationships that don't really get past what I call level three.
They don't really become exclusive.
This is where we're learning what we want, what we don't want, who we like, who we don't
like, what we need, what we don't need, right?
That's important.
That's important information.
Learning yourself.
That's good.
So he said that he went to some church service and at this church service, the woman next
to him, you know, turned to him, she's a stranger.
You know how some of these preacher pastors are like, turn to the person next to you and
say something or whatever.
And so the woman turned to him and said something along the lines of, God told me to tell you
to not to look for a girlfriend.
Okay.
So that's what he said, right?
And then he went on to say to the girl, the person that he's being interviewed for from
on this podcast.
He said, so he said, so what he took from that was, I'm not going to date.
I'm just going to go over here because God is telling me that he has a wife for me and
I'm going to know her when I see her.
You guys, he took all that from that.
He just added all that on that.
You know, maybe that lady was saying, hey, grow up.
Don't be looking for a girlfriend.
Be looking for wife material.
Don't be looking for girlfriend material.
Girlfriends are for high school.
Grow up, bro.
That could be what's happening there.
But no, no, no, no.
What he did was, is he took this little tidbit and he was like, Whoa, how'd this lady know
that I was looking for a girlfriend?
Well, it's kind of easy.
You're a college age kid.
She has a 50% chance of being right about your love life.
You know?
I mean, you're either got a girlfriend or you don't, and you're, you're young and in
your sexual prime.
Did you guys know the guys are in their sexual prime in their twenties, twenties, ladies
closer to the end of your thirties, 35 and up sexual prime, that's kind of mismatched.
And that's okay.
You can date a guy younger than you.
If you want, you can get married to a guy who's younger than you.
If you want, we're allowed to do that now to say, you know, age is not about yes or
no.
It's about season.
Are you in the same season as this person?
It's not about that number on their birth certificates at about seasons of life.
Okay.
So anyway, so he, he jumps to this conclusion that now he's not supposed to have anything
to do with the opposite sex at all.
And he's supposed to just sit around and wait and believe that when the woman comes
along, that's right for him.
He's going to know her just by looking at her.
You guys stop it, literally stop it.
Now do most men say that they know pretty early on that, that they're, you know, very
attracted and very intrigued and, you know, very smitten and very, you know, willing to
be attached?
Yes.
A lot of men do report that, but putting the pressure on yourself that you're just going
to know the minute you lay eyes on someone that someone's your husband or wife, that's
the fairytale script.
That's a fairytale script.
The skies part, oh, you know, the doves descend, all the things it is, it's a fairytale script.
And I love it.
Someone put fairytale passive, that's your two scripts, the fairytale script and the
passive script.
And what I love about that combination, I don't love it, um, is that you literally are
passively waiting and you're probably waiting for a sign.
Whoever put up fairytale and passive together, you're probably waiting for a sign.
Here's your sign, you're waiting for a sign.
And what's going to happen is that if you do end up on a date with someone, if you do
end up trying to get to know someone, you are going to be looking for the lightning
bolt.
You're going to be looking almost from the very beginning, first, second date to know,
to know, to know, to know that this person is the right person.
Or your passive script is going to kick in and you're going to say, Oh, I don't want
to get in the way of God.
I don't want to strive.
Like I don't want to try to make this happen.
I don't want to work at this.
You know, I, I'm confused.
You're not confused.
You're a human being.
You're not going to know immediately whether someone is their person or not.
You're not supposed to know that.
Pauline asks, I've heard that a man will know the woman he wants to marry.
He will know within six months.
Is that true?
I put a timeline of getting to know someone in this book of the first 90 days of going
on dates with them and being in relationship with them.
And I really feel like it's a really good one based on all the success stories that
I've been part of.
Even in this, even in this church culture that a lot of you may be part of.
I think that first 90 days template is good and we'll get to that.
So we'll talk about that more later about pacing and about what it looks like.
But do men report that they know pretty quickly?
They do.
But ladies, I want you to know something.
That whole saying, if he wanted to, he would, it's not always true.
And I know that we use that to make ourselves feel better because we don't want to be rejected.
And so we say, Oh, you know, if he wanted to, he would.
So I'm not going to pay attention to this guy because he's not doing what I think he
should be doing.
And I don't want to feel rejection.
So I'm just going to say, I'm going to say if he wanted to, he would know.
It's not always true.
Okay.
People can really want to, but they can have some other things that they're working on
and different things happen.
And in the book, it kind of shows you what to gauge about someone's readiness for a relationship.
Because they can want to and still not be able to.
And it's important for you to understand that so that you're not wasting time on trying
to help someone get ready or wait for them to get ready.
If you are ready and you've done the work and you are ready to partner and you are ready
for a relationship, you can't be waiting two, three, four, five, six, 10 years for someone
who is not ready.
They want to, they just can't.
Does that make sense?
It doesn't make them a terrible person.
It makes them an unprepared person.
Okay.
All right, let's keep going.
All right.
I wanted to get to the dating autopsy.
So what I'd like to do, if you guys are game, is I would like to, first of all, put you
into a breakout room where you guys can talk about your scripts with each other.
You talked about it with me here, but remember, we're bringing back the community in the village.
And so I want you to be able to talk with each other about your scripts, your primary
script, any kind of secondary script.
And so we'll give you about five to 10 minutes to talk.
We'll make the groups pretty small.
So let me just get these going here.
Give me one second.
You might meet someone fun in your group.
You might meet a best friend in your group.
You might meet someone who lives in your area in your group.
Okay, hold on one sec.
Hello?
Oh, hello.
So are we already put into a group?
Yes.
We're all together.
I don't think anybody's in any group.
No.
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
Oh.
Hello.
Okay, guys.
I have don't.
I have no idea what's going on right now, so just hang on a second.
Hang on one second.
If my co-host can try to figure out what just happened, please.
Something strange.
Zoom has a new setting I've never seen before, and I have no idea what just happened.
Okay.
All right.
Can you guys still see me?
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
Let's try again.
Hold on one moment.
All right.
Here we go.
All right.
Thank you for your patience, and we're going to go ahead and put you guys into your breakout
rooms.
All right.
You guys are sharing your scripts with each other.
Okay.
All right.
you
Robin are you waiting to be added to somebody's yeah I think so there's a
big storm and it kicked me out so I'm not sure what happened I was thinking
Renee's on here who else is a girl texting we could just talk here I don't
know where everybody else is okay yeah there's only about ten of us on here
sure I suppose I'm late ladies I get the time run I'm in the East Coast I guess
we'll catch up next time
you
Juanita you're muted sorry are the are the profiles you're talking about in the
book because I didn't get a chance to read the book before this tonight's
session but you heard her talk about it just now right yeah barely my internet
has been going in and out and so I'm fairy tale chill independent is it soft
life and then scarcity yes that sounds about right for me I think independent
and scarcity yeah what about y'all I think mine was the fairy tale script I'm
really been praying about it I'm 42 so I always felt like God told me to wait
wait wait and I feel like I know he's his voice and I've waited for a long
time but I've also been dating here and so but God just hasn't given me the
green light I'm just afraid of you know sometimes I was like okay Lord how long
do I wait is it part of my church upbringing or is it a part of my
actually because I'm listening to God so how about you Renee so I actually just
joined in while the breakout groups were happening so I have no idea what what's
going on I think in the end it's like what what I feel like is hi Jackie go
for it I just got stuck in a breakout room so I just made it out what happened
okay so you guys are supposed to be sharing what your primary script is of
the five scripts or what version of a script like that you find yourself
repeating over and over
and what if you haven't date what if you haven't dated you on and why do you
think you haven't dated and one of those scripts running because you're waiting
for like the fairy tale to happen for him to show up are you in a waiting room
somewhere are you super independent you can still run a script even if you're
not dating what do you think I think it's a combination of bad teaching in
the past having family issues and having had to take care of parents and but
mostly believing that God was gonna show the perfect one one day or whatever I
was too traumatized too much fear taking care of parents who needed too
much attention so I kind of let life slip by until now
okay that's that's a that's a good reason why you haven't dated or why your
love life has not been a priority in your life but
The whole purpose of this is to see ourselves in one of these scripts that we tell ourselves
about.
So it's possible to that, you know, remember it's different versions of the script.
It doesn't have to be the exact script, but sometimes passivity takes the form of everyone
else is more important than us, you know?
And I know that taking care of children is important, friends, and I know that taking
care of aging parents is important, but you're not supposed to sacrifice your whole life
for it.
It's like, well, if I don't do it, who else is going to do it?
Well, if you'll never know because you keep doing it.
If we make the space, then God sends people to fill the space.
Right.
All right.
Okay.
So I somehow got into your group, but I'm going to go over here and try to figure out
the rest.
All right.
Next person to talk, Kim.
Got to unmute yourself.
Maybe we should tell them, remind them the different categories, because I know Renee
said she didn't hear them.
It's fairy tale, chill or passive, independent.
I think the next one is soft life and then scarcity.
So she was asking, like, which one do you, which one or two do you identify with?
So I'm not, I'm not really sure because I don't know, I didn't really clearly see it
fall into one of those, but maybe you can tell me what you think.
So 26 years ago, my ex left and abandoned us one day here, gone the next and never saw
him again kind of thing.
So at that time, God told me to wait and I knew, I really believed and knew he was telling
me it was going to be a long, it was going to be until my children were grown and out
of the house.
I knew that.
And that would mean a long time.
So here we are 26 years later.
And I really up until now have felt like it, God has had me wait and it, and it wasn't
like, it wasn't my choice necessarily, but I knew I wanted God's way and God's will.
So I decided to wait on him.
And I also, but I also feel like he's getting, he was recently getting me ready and preparing
me kind of thing.
And that's why I joined this group.
I'm not really crazy about dating apps and all that stuff, but I just didn't know what
category that, because it's not really, I have become independent because I needed to,
I was a single mom and raised my kids alone, but it's not because I wanted to be, I have
independence because it's sort of forced on me, but, and it's not really scarcity.
It's not really, you know, any of the other categories.
So I don't know.
I just heard from God.
I heard him clearly and I've been obedient.
So that's it.
All right, guys, we're back.
I think we're all back in the same group.
I'm not really sure.
Zoom has a new feature that I'm not aware of.
And I think that it put some of you all in some kind of chat together and then others
of you in other places.
So let's go ahead and text in the main chat.
If you have a different chat going on, just ignore that.
And text in the main chat, if anything, what kind of revelation that you got from talking
to each other?
Did you see that a lot of people are having the same scripts?
Did you guys have a lot of things in common when you were talking?
Come on, let's see that in the chat.
One of our sisters was just talking about how, you know, she felt like she heard from
the Lord that, you know, she went through a divorce and we'll talk about, we're going
to talk about divorce and different things.
For those of you that that is part of your story, we'll talk about that because that
can really hinder dating, especially if you're a single parent.
I was a single mom before I met and married my husband.
And I've been married for almost 20 years.
For those of you that ask, is Jackie married?
How long has she been married for?
I was married to my first husband for 12 years and I was married.
I've been married to my second husband for almost 20 years.
I'll be married.
We'll be married 20 years next year in 2027.
So but a lot of people think that they've heard something very clearly from God that
goes and puts them in that passive script, puts them in that passive waiting room.
And listen, we're not here to try to rewrite the past.
If you're one of those people that has done that, we're not going to argue with you that
you heard God or didn't hear God.
We're not going to say that you did or didn't.
We're not here to, you know, to, to make people feel like they made a mistake or, you know,
did the wrong thing.
But I do want to say this because you guys know that I deal with faith based singles.
I deal with singles that are trying to navigate their lives by hearing from God.
I deal with charismatic singles, people who are following after the Holy Spirit.
I deal with all.
these types of people. I'm also a Christian. I'm also a spirit filled Christian. I've also
been in ministry for almost 30 years. Okay. So I'm pretty spiritually mature. I have a
lot of, I have a lot of, uh, mugs and a lot of t-shirts. I've been doing a lot of rodeos
in the whole charismatic movement. But I want to say this oftentimes, especially in the
area of your love life, you are taught to navigate this by yourself. You're taught to
pray and, you know, see what God says about perhaps dating someone like, God, what are
you saying about this person that I just met on this app? Are they the one? Are they not
the one? Should I even go on a date with them? Um, you're praying about if you should date
at all, or, you know, there's all kinds of theologies that are coming at you about kissing,
dating, goodbye, or, you know, not doing this or doing that, or only doing this when this
is true of you. Like for instance, uh, not dating until your children are grown and out
of the house. And a lot of people are getting this information. And once again, this has
nothing to do with our sister who just shared, but all of you that are in this boat, I really
want to encourage you to not navigate this by yourself. Get other people to weigh in
on that. Is that God really telling you, or are you just doing that because of shame?
Are you just doing that because of fear? Are you just doing that because of religion
or the theology that's been sold to you? Are you just doing that because you don't want,
once again, the fear based option, you don't want your children to go through any more
brokenness or any more bad relationships. Uh, you've been really hurt, uh, by whatever
has happened. Your spouse passed, or you were divorced, you were betrayed, you were cheated
on, you were abused, whatever it is. These are all things that come together that sort
of form what we believe about things and including what we believe God is telling us about things.
And so it's never good, never friends good for you to just decide that this is what God
is telling you to do in this area of your life without wise counsel around you, without
the witness of others that are spiritually mature, that can take a look at the situation
that are not operating in religion, that have your best interests at heart. If you don't
have those people in your life, once again, this is about rebuilding the village. So the
last part of this today is going to be the dating autopsy. I wanted you to take your
relationships. For those of you that have never had a relationship before, it would
be very difficult for you to do this. But for those of you that have had close relationships,
meaning it was almost a relationship, it was a situation ship. It wasn't quite boyfriend
and girlfriend. And the others of you have had lots of boyfriends and girlfriends. You've
even been engaged. I have a student who's broken off like three engagements, different
things. You put all of that in the autopsy. What are all those relationships have in common?
Do you see your scripts running throughout that? What do they have in common?
It's important. What pattern do you see?
Because we're trying to interrupt patterns. And so we're going to do some live coaching on this.
Remember, I am available to you in the app. So if you feel like you didn't get enough time
to really ask your questions tonight, go ahead and put your question up in the app.
I will ask, I will answer your questions. I will give you feedback. I will have a conversation
with you before the next time that we come together. Okay. Um, was the autopsy a checklist?
There was a checklist. There is a checklist. If you go to that portion of the book, for those
of you that don't have a book in front of you because you're using the ebook, that's fine.
The dating autopsy is on page 46, but it also is a worksheet inside week one's curriculum.
And it includes the cultural detox. It includes a little checklist of your cultural detox.
And the cultural detox is if you choose one of these, it kind of leads you to your script, right?
This first one says, if it's the right person, I'll feel it immediately. Which script is that?
Put it in the chat. If it's the right person, I'll feel it immediately. Which script is that?
Yep. It's the fantasy one. It's the fairytale one. Showing too much interest.
Showing too much interest will chase people away. Gosh, if I show that I really like someone,
if I text back too quickly, if I act too eager, they're going to run away.
What's that? That's the passive guy or the chill girl. Right? Okay. I should be grateful that
anyone this good is interested in me. This one's a little harder. I should just be thankful that
anyone this good is just interested in me. Yeah. Yep. I don't need a relationship. I'm fine on my
own.
I'm good. I'm fine.
If I just wait and pray, the right person will appear. Which one is that?
Okay, here's one that's kind of harder to discern.
If it requires effort, if the relationship requires work, it must be the wrong relationship.
The right relationship is not going to require any work. You guys read the book.
Some people put independent, but fairytale is the one that I was going for with that.
Wanting commitment too soon makes me seem desperate. This is for those of you that
never defined the relationship. You let the relationship just lag on for months,
even years, without really making sure that other person is on the same page with you
because you're so afraid of what they might say.
Some people said scarcity. Some people said passive guy, chill girl. Yep. A good partner
will already know what I need without me having to tell them. A good partner is going to know
what I need without me even having to tell them. I don't have to tell them.
I'm not going to tell them. Why should I tell them? They should already know.
Love that is meant to be, will find a way no matter what I do or don't do.
No matter what I do or don't do, if it's meant to be, it's going to happen.
All right. So for those of you that did the dating autopsy, let me see in the chat if you
actually figured out something about yourself.
Oh, look at it. Saw some patterns, did you?
You hold on too long. Joyce holds on too long.
Sarah's like, I'm all of these scripts. I have all of them. Anyone else feel like Sarah? Anyone
else? Like I have all of these scripts. Just like the love languages. You're like,
I'm running all these scripts at the same time. I'm running all of them.
Yeah.
Don't forget friends. You can put any, any questions that you want in the coaching tabs
and they will be responded to as we do this journey together. You guys, we're just getting
started. Tonight is more of an introduction. We're just going to be talking a little bit more about
what we're going to be doing next week. I'm going to be talking a little bit more about
tonight is more of an introduction. We're just getting started.
We're building a foundation. We're starting to look at our programming.
We understand what's going wrong out here, but we need to know what's going wrong in here too.
Don't we? We got to know what, what did this do to you specifically?
Friends, I don't want you out here believing for those of you that are running the passive
faith script. I don't want you believing that God is telling you in a vacuum, what you should do
about your love life. Meaning he's just talking to you. He's not talking to anybody else. He's
just telling you in your private prayer closet. He's just telling you you guys so often, we just
believe God is talking to us based. And I know that we're like, well, I know God's voice. He
don't know his voice a hundred percent of the time. And I'm going to tell you right now, a lot
of us, we tell ourselves what we think God is saying, because that is what we already believe
it's top of mind. So we see the signs. We see the signs that are confirming something
that we already believe to be true. And some of you, because you've been single for so long,
you just believe that God doesn't want you married. And that's why you're single.
And you think the evidence of that is the fact that you're single, but you're also single
because you've been passive. You have, or you're running one of these other scripts that gets you
into relationship with unhealthy people. The scarcity scripts can always get you in relationship
with unhealthy people. The chill girl, the passive guy script, always going to be unhealthy people,
the independent script, unhealthy, the fairytale script unhealthy. Why? Because it's going to be
about vibes. It's going to be about chemistry and not compatibility and not character.
We're going to build our non-negotiables in this book club together.
And we're going to look at each other's and we're going to call each other out.
If you're non-negotiables are trash based on these scripts.
I better not see a height requirement on anybody's list.
You can have that as a preference all day long,
twice on Sunday, but it better not be on your non-negotiable.
And gentlemen, I better not see any numbers on yours either.
Age numbers, weight numbers.
Non-negotiables should be completely
about compatibility and character.
You're gonna have to live with this person in your house
for the rest of your life.
They're not gonna be in the house next door.
You gotta get along with these people.
I do know a married couple that lives next door
to each other though.
It's interesting.
I know someone who does everything,
but for the majority of you,
you're gonna live in the house with this person,
in the closet, in the room, share a closet,
share a bathroom, maybe even share a sink.
God bless you if that happens.
God help you if you have to actually share a sink.
There's not two sinks.
Houses shouldn't be built without his and her sinks.
It's just wrong.
It's just wrong in my opinion, just wrong.
Okay, please, it's time for you to come back
into the village.
You don't just get to sit on your own
and just talk to God anymore about anything.
You should always run everything.
You guys, especially if it's a huge decision
like staying single, you gotta make sure
that that's wise and wisdom and not just fear.
You're like, well, God doesn't have to tell me why.
Yeah, he kind of does.
And he will, especially if it's about some big decision.
You know, it's, oh, well, Jackie,
we walk by faith and not by sight.
You guys are taking these scriptures
and just cherry picking them and doing whatever you want.
Do you guys even know what that scripture is about?
We walk by faith and not by sight.
Did you read the scriptures around it
before you decided to just tattoo it on your bum?
Hmm?
Seriously.
For real, for real.
Can you guys hear me still?
It's storming here.
Can you guys hear me?
Yes, okay.
Praise the Lord.
Okay.
You guys, you can't just read the Bible.
You really have to read the Bible.
It's really important.
You can't just take scriptures
and just apply them to things.
Because when you take that scripture,
and I think it's important, you guys,
and this is not a Bible study, but listen.
When you take that scripture,
specifically that scripture,
we walk by faith and not by sight,
and you just apply it to your whole life,
meaning like I never have to know the why behind the what.
God can do whatever he wants.
I'm just trusting the Lord with all my heart
and leaning not to my own understanding
and all my ways acknowledging him
and he's directing my path.
Yes, Proverbs 3, 5, it's beautiful.
But you guys, you can't just take them and cherry pick them.
There have to be areas of your life
where you actually have a plan.
Do you know it's okay to have a plan?
Do you know it's okay to work the plan?
You don't have to just be out here on a wing in a prayer.
You don't.
You don't have to.
Specifically, the immediate context
of 2 Corinthians 5, 7,
which is we walk by faith and not by sight,
focuses on the tension
between these temporal lives and eternity.
Talking about walking by faith,
even though we can't see heaven,
we don't know it's for sure there.
None of y'all been there.
Well, you might've been there in a dream
or a vision or something,
but do you see what I'm saying?
That's what it's about.
It's not about whether or not
you should go work for JPMorgan Chase.
It's not about your dating life.
It's not about where you should eat for dinner
or not eat for dinner.
It's not about that, you guys.
That's not what it means.
It means you're walking this walk by faith.
You're following Jesus,
not really truly knowing.
Really, you know,
but you don't know that there's an afterlife or a heaven
because you have not seen it.
You walk.
by faith, not by sight, not because you have seen
what it is that God has ultimately promised you,
which is eternal life.
Are you tracking with me?
Do you see how silly that is to apply to Brad
on the dating app?
That doesn't apply.
And some of you in your autopsy, you're like,
yes, Jackie, I found out what my pattern is.
Guy's named Brad.
Don't date Brad.
That literally, I didn't put that in the book,
but that was one of my coaching clients.
She's like, I'll date anyone but Brad.
I'm never gonna date another Brad ever again.
It's just like, is there a Brad in here tonight?
Bless you.
No, there's not.
I just looked at that list.
There's no Brad.
I'm not saying we should keep asking God
why you're single.
No, Sarah, I'm saying that if you think
that God has told you to stay single,
or he's told you not to date for some long season of time,
or he's told you to go sit in the waiting room,
if he's told you to whatever, if it's some huge decision
and it's really extreme like that,
you've gotta get other eyeballs on that.
You've gotta get other ears on that.
People that are spiritually mature,
people that you trust, people that are not religious,
people that can rightly divide the word of God.
You have to, because otherwise,
you could be doing something for some long period of time.
Case in point, I had a student who believed
that God told her the name of her husband, just in prayer.
Okay, just her by herself praying,
God, I wanna get married someday.
You know, send me a husband.
Okay, I'll send you a husband.
His name is blank.
Okay, let's just say his name is Brad, just for fun.
His name is Brad, okay?
It's like, oh, yay, yay.
But you know what?
She didn't run that by anybody else.
Just A to B, A to B, A to B,
because we teach people to be in isolation.
Isolation in your love lives, isolation in your lives,
isolation in your spiritual lives, just isolated.
And so she kept that to herself, waiting for Brad.
And so she didn't date anyone whose name wasn't Brad.
And guess what?
She didn't know any Brad,
so she didn't date anyone at all.
She was just sitting and waiting and trusting the Lord,
walking by faith and not by sight.
Just kidding.
Waiting for what?
For Brad to come.
And then one day, guess what?
Some tall drink of water walked through the door
of her little church, and his name was Brad.
Hallelujah, it's raining men.
And gentlemen, it can be you guys,
but her name is Carrie and you're waiting, whatever.
Okay, so he comes through the door.
He starts attending the church.
She's looking at him from across the room.
You guys, she's been waiting for like seven years now.
This is like a bad layer Rachel story going on here.
And he asked her on a date.
Oh my gosh, she's gonna go on a date with Brad.
She's been waiting for him forever, so now here they go.
They're gonna go on a date.
And she doesn't even ask herself, does she like Brad?
Is Brad fun?
Does she think Brad's cute?
Are they compatible?
Is he boring?
Is the conversation going well?
Is she even interested?
No, no, all she can think about is this word
that she got from God supposedly
about her future husband's name.
And that's what his name was.
And that's what this guy's name was.
But guess what?
She didn't really like this guy.
She couldn't admit it then
because he's the only Brad that she had met.
But guess what this Brad did?
He never asked her out again.
They went on one date, one and done, that's it.
But you know who he did ask out?
Her housemate.
And you know who he married?
Her housemate.
He started dating her housemate.
And he married her.
Talk about a existential crisis.
And it wasn't until she became my coaching client
that she could finally really just admit
that she didn't really like Brad.
And that her future husband's name indeed is not Brad.
By the way, that name has been changed
to protect the innocent and the guilty
and everyone in between.
All right, so friends,
stop making huge decisions for your life in a vacuum,
in a little prayer closet by yourself
between you and God
and whatever pizza you ate for dinner last night
making you think that God does not want you
to have a marriage or a family.
And he's going to make you wait
until you're past your childbearing years.
And then finally give you a husband. What's the point of that again? Excuse me? Why?
Stop it. It's not true
He hardwired you in the Garden of Eden
All of us to be better together. We are better together. I already showed you what's broken. It's the system
That's broken the curse broke it all the way back in the Garden of Eden
Men and women under the curse became enemies of each other the battle of the sexes started in the garden
And you see it going on and on and on and on and the curse looks different on everyone
But your singleness is part of it. God created us to mate. Dating is for mating. He created us to come together
He created us to procreate and to have children and to raise families. He created us to do that
Yeah, we do a lot of other stuff too now. Cool. Good. We can have it all
Not at the same time, but we can have it all
You don't have to sacrifice
Your desire for marriage
Now you're gonna have to make room for it. You're gonna have to make space for it
You can't have this crazy busy schedule if you are a boss, babe or gentleman
If you work 90 hours a week, you don't have room for someone in your life and you're gonna have to do that
That's all very practical stuff and we're gonna talk about that as we go on
All right, but I want to take a few questions gonna take two questions three questions
Back into the app you guys are gonna get your next week's reading assignments dripped to you in the app
It'll all be there waiting for you
And then you're gonna ask the rest of your questions either in the Facebook group or the app. Okay
All right. So who has got a good question?
That they think is going to help everybody and not just them
Dana asked a good question. She said what's the correct script you guys all of these scripts can get redeemed
Every one of these scripts can become healthy
The fairy tale script becomes healthy when you understand that. Yes, you want to have chemistry
You want to feel attracted you want to feel compatible and you want to feel compelled
You want to feel like you're in control
Chemistry you want to feel attracted you want to feel compatible and you want to feel compelled
But chemistry
Can't be driving the bus. It has to be a passenger on the bus
Right, you can you can redeem all of this. It's cool to be
someone who's not
Aggressively anxious in a relationship
Okay guys that are passive women that are chill. It's great to not be aggressively anxious to have an anxious attachment
It's great to not have those things
But actually when you're chilled like this or gentlemen when you're passive it is almost that you are anxiously attached
You're afraid of rejection
You're trying to make sure that this person doesn't abandon you because you make the wrong step or do the wrong thing
And so healing that is important scarcity
poverty mentalities
All of that has to be healed independence. It's not a bad thing to be able to get stuff done yourself
But you've been created to be interdependent you need other people not just romantic partners, but
Community friends and then passive faith never good friends. It's good to have faith, but faith is not passive
the bible says
That faith without action is dead religion
Just so you know, that's the translation of that scripture faith without works is dead faith without correlating action
What kind of action action that proves that you believe this thing over here?
you
What's the good of believing something if you never act on it and do you really believe it if you don't act on it
That's what that scripture is saying
Faith without works without action is what?
Faith without works is dead, but the word there is dead religion. It's dead religion
It just means that you say you you believe something you're going through the motions of belief
But because you're not taking action, you don't actually really believe it
If I gave you a check for a million dollars
And you just ood and odd over it and thought it was the most amazing thing and called all of your friends and posted
It on instagram, but never went to the bank to cash it. Do you believe that check is good?
Do you believe that check is good do you believe that it's worth a paper that it's written on do you believe that
Do you believe that that check is really worth a million dollars? I don't think you do
even though you
Jump up and down about it
And if you want to apply this to your religious life
You can you can go and jump up and down at church about jesus all you want to but if your faith does not believe
If your faith does not act like you believe what it is that you're jumping up and down about then we got to disconnect
someplace, okay
So we gotta we gotta cash the check friends
And one thing i'm sure of is that god created you
for partnership
I'm sure of it
Um, do you see how hard for those of you that believe in an enemy of your soul for an opposing force for those of you?
Believe in opposing forces because I know there are people here that are not necessarily believers or Christians
Why do you think that the opposing forces have been trying to keep men and women at odds from the very beginning?
Why do you think that they've been trying to keep family broken up from the very beginning?
Why do you think that they took the creation of God and they try to come in between it from the very beginning?
Do you see the pattern?
Do you think that it's because it was really important?
Do you guys think that's important?
do you think that maybe God all God ever wanted in this entire thing was a
Family, do you guys see that that that's all he ever wanted all this other stuff that you think is so important
He said all that's just gonna be nothing
The only thing that's gonna be in eternity is people
Your family the family that you have and the family that you build
That's it
That's it guys, that's it
All right
all right friends I
Did not mean to get a preach on but it's really important to me that you guys
Understand that God is not against you in this that he is for you and that life is for you and that he created you
For this but you were born during a generation when things are especially broken
You were born in a generation where everything is
Completely deteriorated and falling apart and falling apart at a rapid rate
Do you guys know that the Millennials are supposed to stay single by 70% you guys?
We have to do something and we have to come together. And so I know that you just came for a book club
We're like Jackie. I'm just here to read a book. I'm just here for a book club, but you're being enlisted into a movement
Should you decide to say yes a movement of what a movement of community-based matchmaking
That's what
You
The future of kingdom marriage and family it doesn't just rest upon me
I answered the call but you're answering the call by joining this book club as well
And guess what your marriage your future family is caught up in this net, too
All right, so let's take a deeper look if you did not do the dating autopsy
Please do if you didn't have any dates to autopsy. That's fine as well
If you have any questions for me, please ask them in the app. I will answer them
please take a deeper look at the why behind the what if you're running any of these scripts any of this program or anything even
remotely
Connected to this programming start asking yourself. When was the first time that I started believing this about love?
When was the first time that I started acting like this towards the opposite sex?
When when when and why?
And we're going to talk more about that as we go on together
All right, so your homework is and it'll be in there if it's not already there
You'll see it here in the next 24 hours
It is your reading assignment and it is your next questions to answer and the next group work that we'll be doing together
It's gonna be great. It's only gonna get more fun as we go forward
It's gonna be a little intense, of course, but it is gonna be fun
And so as we go into getting ready for next Tuesday, I want you to
Really focus and do the work. Okay. Once again, don't just sign up
Make sure that you show up and encourage each other friend each other find each other if you join the community
Facebook page, it'll be easier to see who each other are than in the app
So if you do have a Facebook, I encourage you to join that Facebook page because you'll be able to see each other
Easier. Okay. All right. I hope you enjoyed tonight
I certainly did and we'll we'll spend some more time on Q&A next time
But remember you can ask your questions to me in the app and on Facebook. I'll see