WEBVTT

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Hello, everyone, I'm so excited.

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Tonight is our first week of the Modern Dating Sex Book Club, and so I'm going to do a little

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housekeeping here at the beginning.

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We're going to get started in just a couple minutes.

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And so just a little FYI, if your little microphone is not red, that means that you are unmuted

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and we probably can hear a lot of your background noise.

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And so let's make sure that our microphones are muted, okay?

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And we're going to get started here in just a second.

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All right, everyone, we are about to get started.

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Welcome to Modern Dating Sex Week 1.

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We have a full house, you guys, and so make sure that you have your microphone muted.

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Otherwise, we're going to have to take time to mute you, and if you hear a bunch of background

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noise, make sure that it's not you, all right?

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If your microphone is red, that's the right color for it to be.

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If it's not, if it's gray or if it's white, that means that you're probably unmuted and

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everyone can hear what's going on at your house.

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They can hear you yelling at your dog, yelling at your kids, all right?

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They can hear the TV in the background.

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If you're someplace public doing this, they can hear all the other people chatting.

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And so let's make sure that we keep that muted in order for us to be able to hear the teaching

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tonight.

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You guys will have plenty of time to do some Q&A here at the end, and I'm going to tell

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you how this is going to get laid out.

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But for the recording, because this will be available in replay, let's go ahead and give

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it a hard, let's give it, we're going to give it a hard open or welcome.

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But before we do that, I would love to see where you guys are watching from.

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Another little bit of housekeeping, please refrain from adding your AI agents to the

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chat, okay?

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So make sure that you don't.

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I know that sometimes your Zoom automatically does that, but we don't want that to be added.

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Okay?

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So make sure you don't do that.

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And everything is good.

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All right.

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So go ahead and put where you are, country, city, state.

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Love to see where all of you are today, tonight.

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It could be in the morning, wherever you are.

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I know we have some people joining us from over the pond.

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And so put your city, state, country up.

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Friends, this is a co-ed, a co-ed time together.

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This is a co-ed book club, just so you know, and we have a lot of guys signed up, a lot

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more than last year.

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We have a lot of guys signed up.

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All right.

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We have Alaska.

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We have Texas.

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We have New Mexico, San Antonio, Arizona, California, Pennsylvania.

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Pennsylvania up in here. We have Houston. We have, I think I said Florida, but

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different cities in Florida. We have Canada. We have Michigan. We have Georgia.

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We have South Dakota. Oregon. New York is here. Wisconsin is here. Munich is here. We

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have Germany here tonight, this morning, today, whatever time it is for you. More

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Cali, North Carolina, DC, Washington, Alabama. Look at all these places friends.

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So many people and obviously all the people that signed up are not live, but

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that's okay. So let's go ahead and give that hard welcome for the replay. So

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welcome to Modern Dating Sucks. I'm your host Jackie Dorman. If you're new to me,

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welcome to me. I'm Jackie D and I believe that your love story is going to be

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different now. I do believe that you are going to be catapulted into a summer of

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love. I did this book club last year on my second book, Married in 12 Months or

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Less, and it was a great turnout. It was a great time. There were so many success

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stories from that book club. So many amazing things happened when people read

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that book with me and did the work that was in that book, and I believe the same

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thing is gonna happen. This book club is based on my brand new book that just

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came out, Modern Dating Sucks. My editor wanted me to say stinks and I said, no

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way, Ray. No way because it sucks and there's just really no other way to say

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it. And so I refused to change the wording because I wanted it to be

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shocking. I have a couple interviews coming up. I've been on several different

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news broadcasts. I've been on Access Hollywood promoting the book. I've been

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around the circuits promoting the book in the PR world, but the Christian

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circuits really have not invited me because of the title of the book, and

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that's okay because I really believe that this book is meant to just be a

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game-changer. A game-changer for marriage-minded singles, and that's who I

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wrote it to. I didn't write it just to Christian singles. A lot of you probably

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are Christians that are here because you follow me on Instagram or you've been in

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my last year single program, but I wrote it for marriage-minded folks, both men

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and women. It does lean heavy towards advice to a woman, but it's for men as

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well, anyone who's out there in these dating streets. And so I am proud of it

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and I do not regret what I named it. I had one Christian podcast, pretty big

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podcast, pretty well-known podcast. He messaged me yesterday and he said, I

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can't wait to interview you because I can't wait to say the word sucks on

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Christian radio. And I'm like, let's go. Let's go. All right, so if it offends you,

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what's inside of it will probably offend you as well because it is going to show

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you where things have gone wrong and also where you may have been playing

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into the things that have gone wrong. And so before we get started tonight, I want

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to go ahead and go over what you can expect, right? What can you expect it

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during this book club? Let's just talk about that for just a few minutes. I

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think that's really gonna be helpful. And I'm so proud of you guys showing up on

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Tuesday night for your love lives. I'm so proud of you because a lot of things

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are gonna shift for you. I do. I believe that they will. This is the only book

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club that I'm gonna do as far as I know. And I did it only one time before on my

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second book. And I think that it's going to be pretty powerful for all of you

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that got to be here live. All right, so let's take a minute and talk about

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logistics. All of you should have access to the Last Year Single app and you

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should have access to the Modern Dating Sucks group within the Last Year Single

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app. Some of you are not Last Year Single community members. Raise your hand if you

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are not part of Last Year Single. I can see you here. So raise your avatar hand,

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the little yellow avatar hand. Raise it so I can see how many of you are not in

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my Last Year Single program. You just joined the book club from an email. You

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joined it from social media. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Okay, so far

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just a handful of you. So let me tell you, you won't have access to anything else

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on that app, Last Year Single. You'll just have access to the book club. All of you

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that have your hands up right now. Everybody that's in here that's already

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a Last Year Single community member, you have access to all the other groups on

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the app. So depending on what phase of the program you're in, you'll have access

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to that and you'll have access to this group.

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group. How long will you have access to this group?

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This group is five weeks long and it will be open for 60 days.

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So for 60 days you will have access to everything that happens inside this book

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club and inside the app and inside the group on the app. All the replays,

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all the Q and A's, all the things that we do, you will have access. Now,

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because people love Facebook and no, I'm not saying that's not satire.

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I'm not rage baiting you right now for those of you that hate Facebook,

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but so many people really do love Facebook,

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especially the community component of Facebook. And because of that,

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we have a bonus Facebook group. And so when you're in the welcome packet,

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the welcome, um, when you're in the app,

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modern dating sucks and you're in the welcome phase of the, of the app,

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you're in the welcome section.

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You will see a link to join that bonus Facebook group.

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And all that it is over there is just,

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it's easier to have community, right? Because you can post,

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you can do a little video, you can do whatever over there. So if you like that,

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if you like Facebook, if you want more community, then you can join that.

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It is not necessary. It is not necessary for those of you that don't have a

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Facebook anymore,

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don't want to have a Facebook or don't want to join another Facebook group.

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You do not have to join anything.

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There is a community tab in the app, in your group, modern dating sucks.

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I will be answering questions there as well. In fact,

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you'll see that there's a tab called wins.

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That's where you're going to put up your little testimonies from this book club.

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As we go on, like, Oh, I had breakthrough. I got a revelation. This happened,

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that happened, or that coach tab. They ask a coach tab.

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You're going to hit that tab and you're going to post all the other posts are

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just for all of the community.

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Anything that you post in there will be seen by the entire community.

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The other two tabs are for wins and for asking me your coach.

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Will I respond personally? Yes, I will.

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That's what you got when you signed up. You got me, Jackie D. I will,

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I will coach you. I will respond to you now.

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Will you always like my response? Probably not,

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but I'm going to respond and I'm going to help you get out of your own way.

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Get out of God's way and get moving towards your love story. Okay.

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What else lives in the app?

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All of your stuff lives in the app for this book club,

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including the PDF of this book.

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If you want to buy the physical copy,

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there's a link there to buy the physical copy as well, but you don't need it.

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You have the PDF, you have the e-read the ebook version, right?

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Replays of every single session will be there under the replay tab.

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You can find it for 60 days. It will be there.

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All of your weekly homework and worksheets. And did you notice I didn't put up,

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put up a week to his reading assignment. I didn't put up week two's homework.

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You know why? Cause you're not supposed to be going ahead.

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You don't have to get it done. I know some of you,

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you're going to get the whole book club done before we even say one thing,

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before we even start, you're going to have the whole entire book read.

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You're going to have everything done and you're going to miss out because it's

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about processing.

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It's about taking time and letting it marinate and processing.

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So I have your content on a drip, meaning that when tonight is over,

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you will see week two immediately. It's going to drip every Tuesday.

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It's going to be there and you can do the next week's reading assignments and

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worksheets. Now, I think that one of the weeks doesn't have a worksheet,

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but three of them do. And you have a reading assignment. You read,

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you do the questions, you do the homework, and then you show up here.

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So all of you should have done your homework.

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You should have done your reading. I think it's chapter one and two.

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You should have done your dating autopsy. You should have identified your scripts.

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You should have done all of that work in those chapters in the reading

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assignment for tonight, meaning you have it done already.

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Let me see your hands. If you did it,

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raise your hand. Okay. Lots of you.

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Also what lives inside of your app are the links for our live sessions together.

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They're there as well. All you gotta do is just go to the calendar there,

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the events and click the link and come straight here. It's easy peasy.

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Sound good. Friends do not copy and paste and share that link with others.

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The only people that should be here are the people that paid for this experience.

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Okay. Okay. Couple of you just signed up a few hours ago,

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so you're a little bit behind. That's okay. Catch up, catch up, catch up,

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catch up. Don't just listen to the teaching tonight, the coaching tonight,

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and then don't go back and do the work from week one.

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Make sure that you do that. All right. Okay. All right.

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If you don't see an email from us, but we say that we sent out an email,

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please check your spam folder, check your promotions folder.

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If you have your email set up like that, and if you're ever stuck at all,

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you can email us at admin at Jackie Dorman.com.

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Write that down, keep it somewhere safe.

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Admin at JackieDorman.com, J-A-C-K-I-E-D-O-R-M-A-N,

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guess what, it's spelled just like it is

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on the front of the book, dot com.

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It's not doorman, if you put an extra O in there,

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you're gonna go out into the universe somewhere.

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Wherever emails go when they have a typo,

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I don't know where they go, but they go somewhere,

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and that's where you're gonna go.

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So don't do that, make sure you spell it right,

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and get your information to us

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because we want to talk to you.

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Okay, all right, the Facebook link, we could drop it,

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we have a team member on here,

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I think David Dorman is on here,

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so if you wanna drop that Facebook link,

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babe, that would be great.

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We only have one rule and one rule for this book club,

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and that is you can't just sign up, you gotta show up.

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You gotta show up, which means if you can't be here live,

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watch the replay, it'll be 75 minutes long,

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you can do it, watch the replay.

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You signed up for a reason.

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For those of you that believe in God, you're believers,

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I believe God led you here for a reason,

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and I believe that the reason is he wants you,

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first of all, to get rid of all the shame

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that you have around your singleness,

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because as you saw in our first reading assignment,

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that is broken out there.

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Now, I know that you think you're broken,

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and some of you probably have more heart work

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that needs to be done before you can really step

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into a healthy relationship.

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A lot of you have already done a lot of heart work,

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and you're ready to test it out in a relationship,

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because it will test you.

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00:16:42.500 --> 00:16:45.640
Relationship's gonna bring all that stuff up to the yard,

225
00:16:45.640 --> 00:16:47.500
okay, and that's gonna be good for you.

226
00:16:47.500 --> 00:16:49.540
It's gonna trigger you in the best way.

227
00:16:49.540 --> 00:16:52.940
But some of you probably can't even get to that place yet,

228
00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:54.420
because you still have some unpacking to do.

229
00:16:54.420 --> 00:16:56.260
That's great, but the thing is,

230
00:16:56.260 --> 00:16:58.700
is whether you have a lot more heart work to do,

231
00:16:58.700 --> 00:17:01.580
or a little bit of heart work to do,

232
00:17:01.580 --> 00:17:04.540
regardless of that, the reason why you're single

233
00:17:04.540 --> 00:17:07.900
has less to do with you and more to do with the culture

234
00:17:07.900 --> 00:17:09.859
that we live in, do you believe me?

235
00:17:11.140 --> 00:17:13.619
I hope you believe me, because that's why I wrote this book.

236
00:17:13.619 --> 00:17:15.339
I wrote this book, because I was really tired

237
00:17:15.339 --> 00:17:19.819
of singles blaming themselves for the fact

238
00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:22.980
that we have a singleness epidemic.

239
00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:24.460
We have a loneliness epidemic.

240
00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:27.380
You guys, never in the history of humanity

241
00:17:27.380 --> 00:17:29.340
has there been this many single people.

242
00:17:29.340 --> 00:17:30.680
Do you know that?

243
00:17:33.760 --> 00:17:35.540
And I don't say that to discourage you,

244
00:17:35.540 --> 00:17:38.220
because there's a fix, and I wrote it.

245
00:17:38.220 --> 00:17:39.420
I wrote about it in the book.

246
00:17:39.420 --> 00:17:41.540
There's a fix for this.

247
00:17:41.540 --> 00:17:44.020
The ancient of days has ancient ways,

248
00:17:44.020 --> 00:17:46.020
and we gotta bring the ancient ways back.

249
00:17:46.020 --> 00:17:48.180
We gotta bring back the village.

250
00:17:48.180 --> 00:17:50.260
We gotta bring back the matchmakers.

251
00:17:50.260 --> 00:17:54.820
We gotta bring back the places of community

252
00:17:54.820 --> 00:17:57.900
and the places of even spiritual community,

253
00:17:57.900 --> 00:18:00.060
getting involved in our love lives,

254
00:18:00.060 --> 00:18:03.460
not acting like our love lives are a taboo subject.

255
00:18:03.460 --> 00:18:04.860
It's a slippery slope, friends,

256
00:18:04.860 --> 00:18:06.500
and we're gonna get into that tonight

257
00:18:06.500 --> 00:18:11.120
as we go into the overview of your reading assignment, okay?

258
00:18:11.120 --> 00:18:13.780
How many of you believe that it's not you

259
00:18:13.780 --> 00:18:15.020
that there's something wrong with,

260
00:18:15.020 --> 00:18:17.060
that there's actually something wrong with the system?

261
00:18:17.060 --> 00:18:18.100
Let me see your hands,

262
00:18:18.100 --> 00:18:21.380
because only three of you said yes, so I wanna see.

263
00:18:32.540 --> 00:18:33.660
Jodi's working on it.

264
00:18:33.660 --> 00:18:34.500
That's honest.

265
00:18:34.500 --> 00:18:35.920
I appreciate that, Jodi.

266
00:18:37.380 --> 00:18:39.600
We always wanna blame ourselves, don't we?

267
00:18:39.600 --> 00:18:41.480
And listen, I'm not saying that you guys are healthy.

268
00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:44.660
I don't even know a lot of you, okay?

269
00:18:44.660 --> 00:18:46.460
So I'm not saying that you're perfectly healthy.

270
00:18:46.820 --> 00:18:49.500
I'm not saying that you're not in your own way somehow.

271
00:18:49.500 --> 00:18:51.180
I'm not saying that, but I'm telling you

272
00:18:51.180 --> 00:18:53.460
that even if you got out of your own way,

273
00:18:53.460 --> 00:18:54.780
it's an uphill climb.

274
00:18:56.420 --> 00:18:58.060
There's a lot of stuff going on.

275
00:18:59.420 --> 00:19:02.260
And we went over that in your reading assignment

276
00:19:02.260 --> 00:19:05.380
for this session.

277
00:19:06.620 --> 00:19:08.980
But tonight, one of the main things that we're gonna do

278
00:19:08.980 --> 00:19:12.300
as we do the overview is you are going to put

279
00:19:12.340 --> 00:19:17.340
that belief down that you are the problem.

280
00:19:18.660 --> 00:19:20.480
You're gonna put that belief down.

281
00:19:21.660 --> 00:19:22.960
You're gonna be willing to do the work,

282
00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:25.340
whatever work you individually need to do,

283
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.100
but you are gonna stop believing

284
00:19:28.100 --> 00:19:32.140
that it's easy for everybody else out here

285
00:19:32.140 --> 00:19:34.740
and it just must be a you problem.

286
00:19:34.740 --> 00:19:36.380
Or whatever other lie you've been believing.

287
00:19:36.380 --> 00:19:38.500
There's no good men left, there's no good women left,

288
00:19:38.500 --> 00:19:39.860
whatever it is that you've been believing.

289
00:19:39.860 --> 00:19:42.180
You're too old, you've been too married, this, that,

290
00:19:43.140 --> 00:19:45.740
whatever those lies are that you've been believing,

291
00:19:47.060 --> 00:19:49.300
you're gonna leave that here tonight

292
00:19:49.300 --> 00:19:53.800
because you're gonna understand that even with all of that,

293
00:19:53.800 --> 00:19:58.800
if things weren't so broken out here in the system,

294
00:19:59.020 --> 00:20:00.980
then you are the problem.

295
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.480
would already be married, you would.

296
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:04.520
Now, would you have to do a lot of work in that marriage?

297
00:20:04.520 --> 00:20:08.560
Uh-huh, yeah, you would, because marriage is not easy

298
00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:11.520
and it's especially hard if your heart is hard.

299
00:20:11.520 --> 00:20:13.640
So that's why doing the hard work ahead of time

300
00:20:13.640 --> 00:20:18.060
is really, really, really important, really important.

301
00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:21.820
Okay, got a few people crying already.

302
00:20:21.820 --> 00:20:23.560
Extra bonus points if you cry.

303
00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:26.960
It's beautiful, it's beautiful.

304
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:29.000
All right, so as you guys read,

305
00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:30.780
and I wanna get your feedback.

306
00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:33.960
I wanna get your feedback of the history of dating.

307
00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:36.560
As you guys read, dating the way that we do it now

308
00:20:36.560 --> 00:20:38.820
is barely 100 years old.

309
00:20:38.820 --> 00:20:40.840
Was that not shocking?

310
00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:43.520
Was it not shocking to find out how it started?

311
00:20:43.520 --> 00:20:47.000
I wanna see you, I wanna see ladies.

312
00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:49.520
How many of you were shocked when you found out

313
00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:53.520
where the tradition of men paying for us on dates came from?

314
00:20:54.520 --> 00:20:59.280
It didn't come from chivalry, it came from patriarchy.

315
00:20:59.280 --> 00:21:02.520
It came from a wage gap, it came from parity,

316
00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:07.400
it came from women not being paid a livable wage.

317
00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:08.540
Is that crazy?

318
00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:11.520
And I know, even though we have our own money now,

319
00:21:11.520 --> 00:21:13.340
we have our own jobs, we have our own stuff,

320
00:21:13.340 --> 00:21:16.000
we're like, you better pay, bro, you better pay.

321
00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:20.400
But here's our first little coaching nugget.

322
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:21.800
If you show up to that date

323
00:21:21.800 --> 00:21:24.120
and you're not interested in that man,

324
00:21:24.120 --> 00:21:26.480
you need to at least offer to pay for yourself.

325
00:21:27.580 --> 00:21:29.320
If you show up to that date and you're like,

326
00:21:29.320 --> 00:21:34.160
nope, this is never, never, never, never gonna happen,

327
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.800
then you need to pay for yourself.

328
00:21:36.800 --> 00:21:40.240
You need to Venmo that man for your coffee, all right?

329
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:43.360
He probably isn't gonna take it, but he might.

330
00:21:45.280 --> 00:21:46.120
He might.

331
00:21:46.120 --> 00:21:47.640
And you're like, Jackie, why are you saying that?

332
00:21:47.640 --> 00:21:50.040
Because there is way too many men out here

333
00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:53.040
that I've coached and that I've talked to

334
00:21:53.040 --> 00:21:54.600
and that have sent me DMs

335
00:21:54.600 --> 00:21:56.520
that are tired of being taken advantage of

336
00:21:56.520 --> 00:21:59.320
by women who are not interested in them.

337
00:21:59.320 --> 00:22:00.640
And you guys, that's fair.

338
00:22:02.840 --> 00:22:03.840
Ladies, that's fair.

339
00:22:03.840 --> 00:22:07.040
This whole passenger princess thing, done.

340
00:22:07.040 --> 00:22:09.240
We're done with this, okay?

341
00:22:10.080 --> 00:22:10.920
We are.

342
00:22:13.360 --> 00:22:16.080
We're not here for a free meal or a free ride.

343
00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:18.800
But the ladies back in the day were.

344
00:22:18.800 --> 00:22:20.840
During industrialization,

345
00:22:22.440 --> 00:22:24.120
they were there for the free ride.

346
00:22:24.120 --> 00:22:26.840
They did go to dances and picture shows

347
00:22:26.840 --> 00:22:29.240
and dinner with men they weren't attracted to

348
00:22:29.240 --> 00:22:33.440
because a girl's gotta eat, okay?

349
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:34.900
A girl's gotta eat.

350
00:22:35.840 --> 00:22:37.680
And they weren't gonna be going to dinner

351
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:38.720
unless a man paid

352
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:41.080
because they simply did not have the funds.

353
00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:44.440
Do you see this?

354
00:22:44.440 --> 00:22:45.600
Do you understand?

355
00:22:46.600 --> 00:22:50.120
In the 1950s, you couldn't even get a credit card.

356
00:22:50.120 --> 00:22:52.040
I see Bonnie is saying this here.

357
00:22:52.040 --> 00:22:53.840
You couldn't even get a credit card.

358
00:22:55.800 --> 00:22:57.400
Your husband could get a credit card.

359
00:22:57.400 --> 00:22:58.840
He would co-sign for you,

360
00:22:58.840 --> 00:23:00.600
but you couldn't get a credit card.

361
00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:03.680
Not that we need credit cards,

362
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:05.680
but you understand what I'm saying.

363
00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:07.020
So there's a lot of things,

364
00:23:07.020 --> 00:23:08.560
a lot of things that have changed, ladies,

365
00:23:08.560 --> 00:23:09.840
and those are good things,

366
00:23:09.840 --> 00:23:11.440
but we need to make sure

367
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.460
that we see where we've come from.

368
00:23:14.460 --> 00:23:18.220
Back in the day, it was called courtship.

369
00:23:18.220 --> 00:23:21.180
Back in the day, it wasn't a pre-arranged marriage,

370
00:23:21.180 --> 00:23:23.240
but it was a pre-approved marriage.

371
00:23:24.220 --> 00:23:26.100
It was a pre-approved marriage.

372
00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:27.540
Everybody knew everybody.

373
00:23:27.540 --> 00:23:31.140
In fact, the chances of you being distant

374
00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:33.420
or maybe not so distantly related

375
00:23:33.420 --> 00:23:36.440
to the person that you marry are really good.

376
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:39.820
They passed some laws about that

377
00:23:39.820 --> 00:23:43.200
because of some birth defects that started popping up,

378
00:23:43.940 --> 00:23:44.760
but the chances way back when

379
00:23:44.760 --> 00:23:47.720
of you marrying someone within your own clan,

380
00:23:47.720 --> 00:23:49.980
and this is why it just cracks me up

381
00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:53.160
when influencers on Instagram

382
00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:56.440
are talking about date like the Bible,

383
00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:00.480
or we just need to use the Bible as our template

384
00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:03.280
and just sit around and wait for God to bring our spouse.

385
00:24:03.280 --> 00:24:07.760
First of all, all those people, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,

386
00:24:07.760 --> 00:24:10.880
they all married their relatives, okay?

387
00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:13.600
They married relatives.

388
00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:14.860
That's who they married.

389
00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:22.680
When Abraham sent out his servant to go find his son,

390
00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:26.520
he said, go to my house.

391
00:24:26.520 --> 00:24:28.840
Remember how Abraham left his father's house

392
00:24:28.840 --> 00:24:30.460
and he went off to look for a city

393
00:24:30.460 --> 00:24:32.220
that didn't have human hands?

394
00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:34.520
For those of you that are not Christians,

395
00:24:34.520 --> 00:24:35.560
you're like, what are you talking about, Jackie?

396
00:24:35.560 --> 00:24:38.200
I'm talking about a Bible story, like an ancient story

397
00:24:39.120 --> 00:24:41.720
where the patriarch of Christianity, Abraham,

398
00:24:41.720 --> 00:24:44.740
sends his servant out back to his father's house,

399
00:24:44.740 --> 00:24:47.160
back to his people, back to his clan

400
00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:49.840
to find a wife for his son, Isaac.

401
00:24:49.840 --> 00:24:51.200
He makes a servant promise,

402
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:55.040
do not take a stranger as a wife.

403
00:24:55.040 --> 00:24:56.520
Don't bring a stranger back.

404
00:24:56.520 --> 00:24:59.800
Bring back someone from my family, you guys.

405
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.800
Rebecca was a family member. Do you understand?

406
00:25:03.300 --> 00:25:07.500
And so do you understand now why we can't use the Bible as a template for our

407
00:25:07.500 --> 00:25:10.600
love lives? We can't.

408
00:25:10.900 --> 00:25:15.900
There's good stuff throughout the entire book,

409
00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:20.500
right? But not all of it can be applied to your modern life.

410
00:25:20.500 --> 00:25:21.400
Do you understand that?

411
00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:25.800
And this is one of the things that cannot be applied.

412
00:25:27.300 --> 00:25:28.800
It can't be applied to your modern life.

413
00:25:30.100 --> 00:25:33.500
The template, the way that we sat around waiting.

414
00:25:34.800 --> 00:25:37.600
And then, unfortunately, the courtship era

415
00:25:39.400 --> 00:25:42.200
that you and I, our great-grandparents lived in,

416
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:47.400
the 1800s, the Jane Austen, anyone a fan of this type of literature?

417
00:25:48.300 --> 00:25:52.180
Well, this type of literature really shows, and this is why these women wrote

418
00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:56.980
these books. They wrote these books because of, you know, the whole male-

419
00:25:57.000 --> 00:25:59.800
female drama of that century.

420
00:26:00.100 --> 00:26:04.780
And you were going to marry someone who was approved of by the community.

421
00:26:04.800 --> 00:26:07.900
Guys, this is why a scandal rocked your world back then.

422
00:26:08.800 --> 00:26:11.480
It rocked your world. That's why a divorce rocked your world.

423
00:26:11.500 --> 00:26:15.080
That's why adultery rocked the world because these were tight-knit

424
00:26:15.100 --> 00:26:19.200
communities. And if you got blacklisted, you're done.

425
00:26:20.700 --> 00:26:23.300
Do you guys see these movies through a different lens now, right?

426
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:25.900
These are tight-knit communities.

427
00:26:26.900 --> 00:26:31.000
If you get blacklisted for bad behavior, then no one is going to marry you.

428
00:26:32.200 --> 00:26:36.500
And getting married back then, gentlemen, you as well, not just the ladies.

429
00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:40.700
If you were a blackguard, you were not getting married.

430
00:26:41.900 --> 00:26:46.880
And the reason why was because they wanted- the marriages were not just

431
00:26:46.900 --> 00:26:50.600
about the two people coming together. They were about the community.

432
00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:54.100
It was about, is this union going to be good for the community?

433
00:26:54.800 --> 00:26:58.000
Is it going to be good for our lineage? Is it going to be good for our legacy?

434
00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:01.500
People had a vested interest in who their children married.

435
00:27:02.700 --> 00:27:07.000
The community had a vested interest in who the kids of the community married.

436
00:27:09.300 --> 00:27:09.900
Yes.

437
00:27:10.500 --> 00:27:14.300
In Pride and Prejudice, that's why Mrs. Bennett was such a craze ball.

438
00:27:16.600 --> 00:27:18.400
She had five girls to marry off.

439
00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:24.000
That's a lot of daughters to try to marry off in that story, in that era

440
00:27:24.100 --> 00:27:27.400
of time, especially if you don't have any dowry.

441
00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:29.900
You don't got any money, right?

442
00:27:30.700 --> 00:27:33.400
So you guys, that was the courtship era.

443
00:27:33.800 --> 00:27:37.580
And please keep in mind that people didn't see each other of the opposite

444
00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:43.500
sex except in really approved of supervised settings.

445
00:27:43.700 --> 00:27:49.600
And now you see people in the next post-industrialization.

446
00:27:50.700 --> 00:27:52.000
The cities start opening.

447
00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:55.780
No longer these farming towns, but the cities start opening up and the young

448
00:27:55.800 --> 00:27:58.400
people go off to the cities to work.

449
00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:00.400
And this is where the first dating started.

450
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.100
And I already talked about that.

451
00:28:03.100 --> 00:28:09.300
The girls not earning a wage, the guys, young people with a lot of freedom

452
00:28:09.800 --> 00:28:12.600
and a lack of supervision.

453
00:28:12.800 --> 00:28:17.480
And the newspapers back in that day used to say that this dating thing is

454
00:28:17.500 --> 00:28:20.100
going to ruin society.

455
00:28:21.100 --> 00:28:24.780
These young people, their families don't approve, their families don't even

456
00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:25.800
know each other.

457
00:28:25.800 --> 00:28:26.700
They're out here.

458
00:28:26.700 --> 00:28:29.000
They're going out with no supervision.

459
00:28:29.000 --> 00:28:30.400
They're in cars together.

460
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.900
They're doing all this stuff, you know, whatever, whatever.

461
00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:36.280
And then you guys, the very next thing that happened were the World Wars,

462
00:28:36.300 --> 00:28:37.900
World War I, World War II.

463
00:28:39.100 --> 00:28:41.700
And so the girls that were already in the city, they took the place.

464
00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:43.700
They took the boys place in the factories.

465
00:28:43.700 --> 00:28:44.800
The boys went to war.

466
00:28:46.900 --> 00:28:49.700
Do you guys see how all the rules got lost of society?

467
00:28:49.900 --> 00:28:53.580
All the rules of what was considered decorum, what was considered

468
00:28:53.600 --> 00:28:57.100
tradition, what was considered right and good, all of it got lost.

469
00:28:57.100 --> 00:28:57.800
You see it?

470
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:02.480
And so when I tell you, for those of you in last year single, and I say,

471
00:29:02.500 --> 00:29:05.500
hey, the reason why so many people are single is the curse.

472
00:29:05.500 --> 00:29:06.600
I'm not lying.

473
00:29:07.900 --> 00:29:09.300
Because that's what you see here.

474
00:29:09.300 --> 00:29:10.800
We see the breakdown of society.

475
00:29:10.800 --> 00:29:12.300
We see World Wars.

476
00:29:12.500 --> 00:29:13.300
What's that?

477
00:29:13.800 --> 00:29:15.000
That's the fall of man.

478
00:29:15.500 --> 00:29:16.900
That's the fallen nature of man.

479
00:29:16.900 --> 00:29:18.200
That's what's happening there.

480
00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:21.900
And then you see society starting to deteriorate, right?

481
00:29:22.500 --> 00:29:25.980
So for those of you that didn't raise your hand when I asked, do you

482
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:28.980
believe that it's less about you and more about what's happened to

483
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:29.900
society?

484
00:29:29.900 --> 00:29:31.500
Maybe you're going to start believing it now.

485
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:33.300
It's the Wild Wild West out there.

486
00:29:33.300 --> 00:29:34.200
There's no rules.

487
00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:37.780
And right on the heels of the World Wars were the 1950s and you guys,

488
00:29:37.800 --> 00:29:39.800
the 1950s were a sham.

489
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:41.000
I researched this.

490
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:42.500
I wrote it in the book for you.

491
00:29:42.600 --> 00:29:47.280
The 1950s, the Golden Age of America, the Golden Age of the family, the

492
00:29:47.380 --> 00:29:52.360
nuclear family, husband, wife, 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, all the

493
00:29:52.380 --> 00:29:52.880
things.

494
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:54.380
Sham.

495
00:29:57.680 --> 00:29:58.380
It was a sham.

496
00:29:58.980 --> 00:30:00.080
It was a PR.

497
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.000
PR situation, what were they trying to do?

498
00:30:06.220 --> 00:30:08.620
They were trying to put everything back in order

499
00:30:08.620 --> 00:30:09.460
after the wars.

500
00:30:09.460 --> 00:30:11.060
They were trying to get the women back in the house,

501
00:30:11.060 --> 00:30:12.280
the men back at work.

502
00:30:13.380 --> 00:30:15.700
They were trying to put society back into order,

503
00:30:15.700 --> 00:30:16.660
but it was too late.

504
00:30:16.660 --> 00:30:18.620
There was no doing that.

505
00:30:18.620 --> 00:30:20.620
And that's why in the 1960s and 70s,

506
00:30:20.620 --> 00:30:23.680
you see massive pendulum swing of rebellion.

507
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:27.180
We see the introduction of birth control,

508
00:30:28.140 --> 00:30:33.100
chemical birth control, prophylactic birth control,

509
00:30:33.100 --> 00:30:34.660
abortion on demand.

510
00:30:34.660 --> 00:30:36.140
Abortions have always existed

511
00:30:36.140 --> 00:30:37.460
since the beginning of time, friends,

512
00:30:37.460 --> 00:30:42.460
but abortion on demand, that came in the 60s and 70s.

513
00:30:44.820 --> 00:30:45.660
And what does that do?

514
00:30:45.660 --> 00:30:48.900
That means that now I can have sexual partners

515
00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:51.660
without being afraid of being pregnant.

516
00:30:51.660 --> 00:30:54.560
And as a man, I can have sexual partners

517
00:30:54.560 --> 00:30:57.140
without being afraid of getting a woman pregnant.

518
00:30:57.140 --> 00:30:57.980
So what does that mean?

519
00:30:57.980 --> 00:31:02.980
That means that we're separating male-female relationship

520
00:31:04.060 --> 00:31:08.740
from the idea that this person that I'm with is my person

521
00:31:08.740 --> 00:31:10.400
and I'm going to make a commitment to them

522
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:11.500
and I'm going to marry them.

523
00:31:11.500 --> 00:31:14.620
We're separating that because of the introduction

524
00:31:14.620 --> 00:31:16.180
of contraception and abortion.

525
00:31:16.180 --> 00:31:17.060
You guys see that?

526
00:31:18.620 --> 00:31:21.260
Because back in the day, if you went that far with someone,

527
00:31:21.260 --> 00:31:22.900
you better be ready to be a parent.

528
00:31:22.900 --> 00:31:24.340
If you went that far with someone,

529
00:31:24.340 --> 00:31:26.500
you were making kind of an unspoken promise

530
00:31:26.500 --> 00:31:31.500
because of the possibility of conceiving and having a child.

531
00:31:32.380 --> 00:31:36.160
And so all of that, once again, changed the narrative.

532
00:31:38.420 --> 00:31:40.700
And you see it's young people.

533
00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:41.860
It's important that you see this.

534
00:31:41.860 --> 00:31:44.620
Young people left the farming towns right about the age

535
00:31:44.620 --> 00:31:45.580
where they would be getting married

536
00:31:45.580 --> 00:31:47.480
and they went into the cities to work.

537
00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:52.400
And then their young people are the ones that went to war.

538
00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:56.280
And then in the 1950s, and there was a young people

539
00:31:56.280 --> 00:31:58.600
that were coming back and the baby boom

540
00:31:58.600 --> 00:32:01.200
and all the things that were happening then.

541
00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:04.440
It's the young people in the 60s and 70s that were rebelling.

542
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:10.640
And the same thing with the 1980s and the 1990s.

543
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:11.480
What do we see?

544
00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:14.080
We see all kinds of media, movies, sitcoms

545
00:32:14.080 --> 00:32:19.080
around singleness as a hobby, about lots and lots of choices.

546
00:32:19.080 --> 00:32:20.480
You're like, Jackie, we read this in the book,

547
00:32:21.320 --> 00:32:22.520
why are you going over it?

548
00:32:22.520 --> 00:32:24.040
Because it's so important that you understand

549
00:32:24.040 --> 00:32:26.040
that you've been completely brainwashed.

550
00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:28.280
It's really important that you understand

551
00:32:28.280 --> 00:32:32.240
that the entire world has been very, very, very programmed

552
00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:37.240
and indoctrinated for over a hundred years now.

553
00:32:39.840 --> 00:32:40.800
Do you guys see it?

554
00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:46.660
It's crazy, right?

555
00:32:47.660 --> 00:32:48.580
And then what did we do?

556
00:32:48.580 --> 00:32:49.940
We entered the digital era.

557
00:32:49.940 --> 00:32:51.260
We'd entered the digital age.

558
00:32:51.260 --> 00:32:54.020
With all of this broken information,

559
00:32:54.020 --> 00:32:58.220
all of this loss of masculine and feminine,

560
00:32:58.220 --> 00:33:00.100
all the loss of better together,

561
00:33:00.100 --> 00:33:02.140
all the different ideas and all the things

562
00:33:02.140 --> 00:33:07.140
that were happening, we introduced online dating.

563
00:33:09.700 --> 00:33:11.980
We introduced digital romance.

564
00:33:12.020 --> 00:33:14.540
We introduced digital romance.

565
00:33:14.540 --> 00:33:19.380
We introduced separation between community

566
00:33:19.380 --> 00:33:24.380
and people now completely talking to strangers.

567
00:33:24.820 --> 00:33:29.260
Like not just stranger strangers, stranger strangers.

568
00:33:30.180 --> 00:33:31.900
People that you have no idea who they are

569
00:33:31.900 --> 00:33:33.740
or where they're from, what their people are like,

570
00:33:33.740 --> 00:33:35.620
if they're even a real person.

571
00:33:37.140 --> 00:33:38.100
Do you guys see it?

572
00:33:38.100 --> 00:33:43.100
Now, we have no rules anymore.

573
00:33:46.660 --> 00:33:49.180
And people think the absence of rules equals freedom,

574
00:33:49.180 --> 00:33:50.800
but you can see from what I've written

575
00:33:50.800 --> 00:33:52.200
in the first two chapters of this book

576
00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:53.500
is that it doesn't equal freedom.

577
00:33:53.500 --> 00:33:55.500
It actually equals bondage, doesn't it?

578
00:34:00.080 --> 00:34:01.460
And I don't know, a lot of you,

579
00:34:01.460 --> 00:34:03.740
your parents may be no longer alive.

580
00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:05.300
I know some of you are old enough to know better,

581
00:34:05.300 --> 00:34:08.380
but I'm gonna tell you that the lack of family involvement

582
00:34:08.380 --> 00:34:10.739
in our love lives, and some of you come from families

583
00:34:10.739 --> 00:34:13.139
that are not healthy and you wouldn't want them involved

584
00:34:13.139 --> 00:34:15.860
in all the things, but there can be friends

585
00:34:15.860 --> 00:34:16.820
that we have as family.

586
00:34:16.820 --> 00:34:18.219
There can be community.

587
00:34:19.380 --> 00:34:22.120
The antidote to the poison that we have drank

588
00:34:22.120 --> 00:34:26.380
in this society and the system,

589
00:34:26.380 --> 00:34:29.820
the romantic system is people.

590
00:34:29.820 --> 00:34:30.639
You're gonna see that.

591
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:32.239
You're gonna see that all throughout the book.

592
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:33.080
You can read ahead.

593
00:34:33.080 --> 00:34:34.219
You can read the whole book if you want to,

594
00:34:34.219 --> 00:34:35.620
but I'm gonna tell you right now,

595
00:34:35.620 --> 00:34:37.820
the antidote to the poison is people.

596
00:34:39.460 --> 00:34:42.679
Letting people into your love life.

597
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:44.860
Inviting people into your love life.

598
00:34:44.860 --> 00:34:48.020
Trusting people with your love life.

599
00:34:48.020 --> 00:34:49.900
Caring about each other's love lives,

600
00:34:49.900 --> 00:34:51.300
just like we did back in the beginning

601
00:34:51.300 --> 00:34:54.060
when we all lived in these farming communities together.

602
00:34:56.940 --> 00:34:59.540
Caring about community, caring about the furtherance

603
00:34:59.540 --> 00:35:00.380
of the community.

604
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.520
community, caring about people, making the right decisions in these areas of their lives.

605
00:35:04.520 --> 00:35:07.280
Not just yours, but other people's as well.

606
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:08.600
And we're going to get there.

607
00:35:08.600 --> 00:35:12.640
And that is, it's going to be a powerful shift for a lot of you during this time together

608
00:35:12.640 --> 00:35:15.480
of these five weeks.

609
00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:19.520
I can't be the only matchmaker.

610
00:35:19.520 --> 00:35:24.040
And I would love to tell you that I have a dating app coming out and I do have a dating

611
00:35:24.040 --> 00:35:25.640
app coming out really soon.

612
00:35:25.640 --> 00:35:27.560
And guess what it's based on?

613
00:35:27.560 --> 00:35:29.760
It's based on this.

614
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:32.100
It's actually a community-based matchmaking app.

615
00:35:32.100 --> 00:35:36.320
It's not a dating app and it's going to be the first thing that has ever been like it

616
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:38.560
before.

617
00:35:38.560 --> 00:35:42.040
But it still requires you to play matchmaker.

618
00:35:42.040 --> 00:35:47.960
It still requires you, in fact, I just made a match earlier before I got on here.

619
00:35:47.960 --> 00:35:51.760
The person that reached out to me about one of my spotlights, one of my guy spotlights

620
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:53.920
is not the person that wanted to meet him.

621
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:55.480
She wanted her friend to meet him.

622
00:35:55.480 --> 00:35:57.820
And guess what?

623
00:35:57.820 --> 00:36:01.340
He wants to meet her friend.

624
00:36:01.340 --> 00:36:04.340
He's interested.

625
00:36:04.340 --> 00:36:05.340
I got the profile.

626
00:36:05.340 --> 00:36:06.340
I sent the profile.

627
00:36:06.340 --> 00:36:07.340
I did the things.

628
00:36:07.340 --> 00:36:09.700
I made the introduction.

629
00:36:09.700 --> 00:36:12.100
Here we go.

630
00:36:12.100 --> 00:36:13.100
I didn't do that.

631
00:36:13.100 --> 00:36:14.660
I didn't go find that girl.

632
00:36:14.660 --> 00:36:19.020
Someone else brought that girl to the, to the party.

633
00:36:19.020 --> 00:36:22.820
Amen.

634
00:36:22.820 --> 00:36:28.460
Someone else brought that girl to the party.

635
00:36:28.460 --> 00:36:35.420
Guys for thousands of years, these systems were how people had marriage and family and

636
00:36:35.420 --> 00:36:40.020
they've eroded, but we can rebuild them, but we have to rebuild them together.

637
00:36:40.020 --> 00:36:43.460
There's 162 of us on here.

638
00:36:43.460 --> 00:36:48.620
I'm not going to talk about the six degrees of separation yet, but if we do the math,

639
00:36:48.620 --> 00:36:52.020
that's a lot of people that all of us represent together.

640
00:36:52.020 --> 00:36:55.220
And we will do that math later, but we're not going to do it right now.

641
00:36:55.220 --> 00:36:56.220
All right.

642
00:36:56.220 --> 00:36:59.980
So this first session is really about us moving from shame to clarity.

643
00:36:59.980 --> 00:37:07.060
I'm just fighting for you guys to understand that the problem is not you.

644
00:37:07.060 --> 00:37:10.780
And if you're out here just trying to fix yourself, fix yourself, fix yourself, fix

645
00:37:10.780 --> 00:37:11.780
yourself.

646
00:37:11.780 --> 00:37:15.340
And then you think that it's going to change what the real true problem is.

647
00:37:15.340 --> 00:37:16.340
It's not.

648
00:37:16.340 --> 00:37:18.580
Now, is it going to help you to step into your love story?

649
00:37:18.580 --> 00:37:19.580
Yes, it is.

650
00:37:19.580 --> 00:37:22.420
And you should do the work for sure.

651
00:37:22.420 --> 00:37:23.980
But the system is still broken.

652
00:37:23.980 --> 00:37:30.180
Even if you do the work, I want to see the hands of people that have done a lot of work

653
00:37:30.180 --> 00:37:33.660
and you still have not met anyone.

654
00:37:33.660 --> 00:37:38.220
Let's see them exactly.

655
00:37:38.220 --> 00:37:39.860
And that's why you're here.

656
00:37:39.860 --> 00:37:42.900
And that's why this, that's why this book club exists.

657
00:37:42.900 --> 00:37:45.220
All right.

658
00:37:45.220 --> 00:37:48.980
So let's talk about your homework this week because it's where the rubber meets the road.

659
00:37:48.980 --> 00:37:51.820
And this is where you guys are going to begin to interact with me.

660
00:37:51.820 --> 00:37:52.820
Okay.

661
00:37:52.820 --> 00:37:57.020
So your homework was the reading and then doing something besides looking at the history

662
00:37:57.020 --> 00:37:59.660
of the system, seeing how broken it is.

663
00:37:59.660 --> 00:38:05.180
It was also identifying the scripts of what you believe because of the way you were raised

664
00:38:05.180 --> 00:38:06.180
in the system.

665
00:38:06.180 --> 00:38:07.740
We were all raised in the system differently.

666
00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:11.020
We were all raised with a front row seat to different things.

667
00:38:11.020 --> 00:38:15.740
We all watched probably the same movies if we're all from the same kind of generation.

668
00:38:15.740 --> 00:38:19.620
Those of you that are Gen X, you guys grew up with the same movies as me.

669
00:38:19.620 --> 00:38:24.300
Some of you were homeschooled and you literally have not seen any movies and that's fine.

670
00:38:24.300 --> 00:38:25.300
But you did other things.

671
00:38:25.300 --> 00:38:29.700
You read books, you read Christian romance books, this and that, all kinds of things.

672
00:38:29.700 --> 00:38:35.520
Every single thing that you brought into you during your time, including your family that

673
00:38:35.520 --> 00:38:40.540
you saw growing up, their relationships, the people around you as relationships, the books

674
00:38:40.540 --> 00:38:44.740
that you read, the movies you watched, the music you listened to, everything created

675
00:38:44.740 --> 00:38:46.180
a programming.

676
00:38:46.180 --> 00:38:52.100
And all of us have some version of the next five scripts.

677
00:38:52.100 --> 00:38:57.340
The fairy tale script, the chill script, it doesn't have to be the chill girl script guys.

678
00:38:57.340 --> 00:39:01.680
And by the way, friends, this is a co-ed book club, like I said, and you might meet someone

679
00:39:01.680 --> 00:39:04.780
here if you have your camera on.

680
00:39:04.780 --> 00:39:08.980
So you might want to show up here kind of ready to go, right?

681
00:39:08.980 --> 00:39:11.940
Just in case, because it happens all the time.

682
00:39:11.940 --> 00:39:15.700
It happens all the time in my last year single community and it can happen here.

683
00:39:15.700 --> 00:39:16.700
All right.

684
00:39:16.700 --> 00:39:19.940
So the chill, just be chill, abandon your own needs.

685
00:39:19.940 --> 00:39:22.100
Be easy to be with that.

686
00:39:22.100 --> 00:39:27.900
It'd be the chill girl and the passive man script.

687
00:39:27.900 --> 00:39:30.580
The scarcity script, the good ones are rare.

688
00:39:30.580 --> 00:39:31.580
So don't mess this up.

689
00:39:31.580 --> 00:39:32.580
You got to settle.

690
00:39:32.580 --> 00:39:33.580
You got to hang on.

691
00:39:33.580 --> 00:39:34.580
You got to hold on.

692
00:39:34.580 --> 00:39:35.580
Don't let this one go.

693
00:39:35.580 --> 00:39:36.740
It doesn't matter if they're not what you want.

694
00:39:36.740 --> 00:39:40.540
You got to hold on because there's nothing else where that came from, right?

695
00:39:40.540 --> 00:39:46.900
The independent script, hyper-independence is a trauma response, doing everything for

696
00:39:46.900 --> 00:39:51.460
yourself, never being able to ask for help, never let them see you sweat, being strong,

697
00:39:51.460 --> 00:39:52.460
being hard.

698
00:39:52.460 --> 00:39:54.340
Gentlemen, this is for you as well.

699
00:39:54.340 --> 00:39:58.900
A lot of men are out here trying to make their life.

700
00:39:58.900 --> 00:40:00.020
They're trying to make their life.

701
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.460
Well, I've made something of myself, then I'll take a wife.

702
00:40:02.460 --> 00:40:04.180
No, honey, you're not gonna make something

703
00:40:04.180 --> 00:40:05.740
of yourself without a wife.

704
00:40:08.720 --> 00:40:10.240
That's how it works.

705
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:12.040
Now get you a job, okay?

706
00:40:12.040 --> 00:40:13.600
Because you're gonna need one of those.

707
00:40:13.600 --> 00:40:15.520
And not because your wife doesn't have one,

708
00:40:15.520 --> 00:40:17.520
because she probably does.

709
00:40:17.520 --> 00:40:20.000
Not because your wife's gonna want to ride on your coattails

710
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:21.640
and be a stay-at-home wife.

711
00:40:21.640 --> 00:40:23.440
You guys know that they're stay-at-home wives?

712
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:24.680
Yeah, you heard me right.

713
00:40:24.680 --> 00:40:29.340
Not stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home wives, wives.

714
00:40:30.520 --> 00:40:33.060
The soft life, they call it the soft life.

715
00:40:34.020 --> 00:40:35.480
These women are staying at home

716
00:40:35.480 --> 00:40:37.800
and they're going to Pilates,

717
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:39.320
and they're driving Mercedes,

718
00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:40.560
and they're getting their hair done,

719
00:40:40.560 --> 00:40:41.880
and they're going to the salon,

720
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:44.480
and they might have a dog, maybe they're a dog mom.

721
00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:46.320
There's no children in the picture,

722
00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:48.960
neither will there be children in the picture anytime soon,

723
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:51.700
because they're doing their soft life.

724
00:40:52.880 --> 00:40:53.820
Just so you know, ladies,

725
00:40:53.820 --> 00:40:55.360
that will not make you a better person.

726
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:56.480
That's not gonna stretch you,

727
00:40:56.480 --> 00:40:58.620
that's not gonna make you a better woman,

728
00:40:58.660 --> 00:41:00.460
it's not gonna make you a good wife.

729
00:41:00.460 --> 00:41:02.020
In fact, if you have the soft life,

730
00:41:02.020 --> 00:41:05.220
you're probably hot and you spend all of your day

731
00:41:05.220 --> 00:41:07.540
trying to get hotter, doing all the things,

732
00:41:07.540 --> 00:41:09.520
and that man's probably gonna exchange you

733
00:41:09.520 --> 00:41:11.880
for a newer version someday,

734
00:41:13.020 --> 00:41:15.480
because you just can't keep up with that, all right?

735
00:41:15.480 --> 00:41:17.080
Age comes to us all.

736
00:41:18.340 --> 00:41:20.060
So any man that wants to marry you,

737
00:41:20.060 --> 00:41:22.140
to give you the soft life where you don't have to do anything

738
00:41:22.140 --> 00:41:23.860
and you also are not having any children,

739
00:41:23.860 --> 00:41:27.080
not a good idea, bad idea, bad idea.

740
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:28.900
And gentlemen,

741
00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:35.560
being married to, and you can be this passive man script,

742
00:41:35.560 --> 00:41:38.560
being married to a woman who gets everything done

743
00:41:38.560 --> 00:41:40.240
and you just can coast through life

744
00:41:40.240 --> 00:41:41.520
and she takes care of everything

745
00:41:41.520 --> 00:41:43.980
and you don't have to think about anything,

746
00:41:43.980 --> 00:41:45.320
you don't have to do anything,

747
00:41:45.320 --> 00:41:50.320
that's also below you as the masculine of God.

748
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:53.880
It's below you, it's below your pay grade.

749
00:41:54.780 --> 00:41:57.160
You have been created to show up,

750
00:41:57.160 --> 00:41:58.520
you've been created to serve,

751
00:41:58.520 --> 00:42:02.860
you've been created to initiate, all of that's below you.

752
00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:07.980
So look at these, the passive faith script.

753
00:42:07.980 --> 00:42:10.200
This is probably my least favorite of all these scripts.

754
00:42:10.200 --> 00:42:11.960
I know some of these scripts are pretty toxic,

755
00:42:11.960 --> 00:42:14.900
but the passive faith script is the worst,

756
00:42:14.900 --> 00:42:17.560
because this is where you believe God has told you

757
00:42:17.560 --> 00:42:19.120
to just go wait somewhere.

758
00:42:21.240 --> 00:42:23.400
Just go wait somewhere.

759
00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:24.960
Till what, your Medicare kicks in?

760
00:42:24.960 --> 00:42:27.280
Like, what are we waiting for?

761
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:31.840
Literally, marriage is for this earth life.

762
00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:36.000
So why would you wait until you're 30, 40, 50, 60s?

763
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:37.660
And if you have already,

764
00:42:37.660 --> 00:42:40.040
I still believe you can have an amazing marriage

765
00:42:40.040 --> 00:42:42.120
for however long you're gonna be left on the earth,

766
00:42:42.120 --> 00:42:43.820
but why would we wait

767
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:48.500
for something that is only for now?

768
00:42:51.100 --> 00:42:52.120
That does not make any sense.

769
00:42:52.120 --> 00:42:53.040
Does it make any sense to you?

770
00:42:53.680 --> 00:42:54.520
Because it doesn't make any sense.

771
00:42:54.520 --> 00:42:55.800
And also, why would we wait on something

772
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:57.640
that is meant to mature us?

773
00:42:57.640 --> 00:43:01.120
It's God's maturity plan for mankind, marriage and family.

774
00:43:01.120 --> 00:43:03.480
So why would we try to mature

775
00:43:06.280 --> 00:43:08.160
for something that has been,

776
00:43:08.160 --> 00:43:10.200
is part of the maturity process?

777
00:43:10.200 --> 00:43:11.320
It's what helps you mature.

778
00:43:11.320 --> 00:43:12.560
And that's why, gentlemen,

779
00:43:12.560 --> 00:43:17.360
going off and trying to make yourself into some amazing man

780
00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:20.320
without this stretching of marriage and family,

781
00:43:20.720 --> 00:43:23.480
you know, the woman that you choose

782
00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:26.060
is going to bring that out of you.

783
00:43:26.060 --> 00:43:27.760
She's gonna bring that out of you.

784
00:43:29.360 --> 00:43:31.080
And not because she's nagging you,

785
00:43:33.200 --> 00:43:35.560
but because the feminine naturally makes you

786
00:43:35.560 --> 00:43:36.520
wanna do better.

787
00:43:36.520 --> 00:43:39.120
The feminine naturally wants to make you sacrifice,

788
00:43:39.120 --> 00:43:41.200
naturally wants to make you build,

789
00:43:41.200 --> 00:43:42.680
and wants to build with you.

790
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:46.640
Okay, so these are the scripts.

791
00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:48.200
Now, remember, friends,

792
00:43:48.200 --> 00:43:50.680
these are generic for the most part,

793
00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:53.680
meaning that you can be a combination of these scripts,

794
00:43:53.680 --> 00:43:56.000
and you can also be something

795
00:43:56.000 --> 00:43:58.120
that's similar to one of these scripts.

796
00:43:58.120 --> 00:44:00.600
I wanna go ahead and see your scripts in the chat.

797
00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:05.520
Which one was your primary?

798
00:44:06.360 --> 00:44:08.960
You can tell us what two or three you have going on.

799
00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:12.080
Some of you have two, some of you have one, major one.

800
00:44:12.080 --> 00:44:13.900
I wanna see the major one.

801
00:44:13.900 --> 00:44:14.880
The wait, wait, wait.

802
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:16.320
Yeah, just go ahead and wait.

803
00:44:16.360 --> 00:44:19.200
Just wait, wait for the rest of your life, right?

804
00:44:20.480 --> 00:44:24.640
Chill, abandon your own needs, be easygoing.

805
00:44:24.640 --> 00:44:27.320
This is how Maria said she's the chill girl.

806
00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:29.520
That's how you get in situationships, honey.

807
00:44:31.040 --> 00:44:34.320
The chill girl always gets into a situationship

808
00:44:34.320 --> 00:44:35.800
because she's afraid to rock the boat.

809
00:44:35.800 --> 00:44:37.720
She's not asking for her needs to be met.

810
00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:40.500
She's not communicating what she wants.

811
00:44:40.500 --> 00:44:42.760
She's just hoping and praying

812
00:44:42.760 --> 00:44:45.040
that everything is on the same page.

813
00:44:45.120 --> 00:44:46.560
We've got lots of scarcity here.

814
00:44:46.560 --> 00:44:48.320
Look at all the scarcities.

815
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:49.800
Lots of scarcity.

816
00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:54.720
Independence, fairy tale, waiting for the lightning bolt,

817
00:44:54.720 --> 00:44:57.760
believing that you're gonna feel it, you're gonna know it.

818
00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:00.200
You guys, I heard the saddest thing the other day.

819
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.260
And I hear it all the time, but I hate it every time I hear it.

820
00:45:04.260 --> 00:45:06.600
But this guy was serious as a heart attack.

821
00:45:06.600 --> 00:45:11.960
He was being interviewed on a podcast and he said that when he was in college, he told

822
00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:14.840
his friends that he was going to go find a girlfriend.

823
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.300
So this is where he's going wrong.

824
00:45:17.300 --> 00:45:20.880
He's going wrong because he didn't have a wife mindset.

825
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:25.240
Not that he's going to get married immediately in college, but please listen up, listen closely

826
00:45:25.240 --> 00:45:31.640
because a lot of you are older than this era of your life, but he's in his early twenties

827
00:45:31.640 --> 00:45:34.320
and he tells his friends he's going to go find a girlfriend.

828
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:37.040
So yeah, he's immature.

829
00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:40.840
He's not looking for a person that, you know, he can marry.

830
00:45:40.840 --> 00:45:44.960
He wasn't telling his friends, Hey, I'm going to go find a woman that I can, you know, eventually

831
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:45.960
make my wife.

832
00:45:45.960 --> 00:45:49.720
I'm just going to go find someone to pass time with.

833
00:45:49.720 --> 00:45:55.040
And it's okay for us to learn how to be around the opposite sex with some of these more lower

834
00:45:55.040 --> 00:46:02.200
stake relationships that don't really get past what I call level three.

835
00:46:02.200 --> 00:46:04.460
They don't really become exclusive.

836
00:46:04.460 --> 00:46:08.560
This is where we're learning what we want, what we don't want, who we like, who we don't

837
00:46:08.560 --> 00:46:11.080
like, what we need, what we don't need, right?

838
00:46:11.080 --> 00:46:12.080
That's important.

839
00:46:12.080 --> 00:46:14.440
That's important information.

840
00:46:14.440 --> 00:46:15.440
Learning yourself.

841
00:46:15.440 --> 00:46:16.640
That's good.

842
00:46:16.640 --> 00:46:23.360
So he said that he went to some church service and at this church service, the woman next

843
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:26.600
to him, you know, turned to him, she's a stranger.

844
00:46:26.600 --> 00:46:30.720
You know how some of these preacher pastors are like, turn to the person next to you and

845
00:46:30.720 --> 00:46:32.680
say something or whatever.

846
00:46:32.680 --> 00:46:42.000
And so the woman turned to him and said something along the lines of, God told me to tell you

847
00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:43.640
to not to look for a girlfriend.

848
00:46:43.640 --> 00:46:44.640
Okay.

849
00:46:44.640 --> 00:46:46.760
So that's what he said, right?

850
00:46:46.760 --> 00:46:51.220
And then he went on to say to the girl, the person that he's being interviewed for from

851
00:46:51.220 --> 00:46:52.620
on this podcast.

852
00:46:52.620 --> 00:46:58.940
He said, so he said, so what he took from that was, I'm not going to date.

853
00:46:58.940 --> 00:47:08.340
I'm just going to go over here because God is telling me that he has a wife for me and

854
00:47:08.340 --> 00:47:10.700
I'm going to know her when I see her.

855
00:47:10.700 --> 00:47:13.760
You guys, he took all that from that.

856
00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:17.780
He just added all that on that.

857
00:47:17.780 --> 00:47:21.060
You know, maybe that lady was saying, hey, grow up.

858
00:47:21.900 --> 00:47:22.900
Don't be looking for a girlfriend.

859
00:47:22.900 --> 00:47:24.180
Be looking for wife material.

860
00:47:24.180 --> 00:47:25.980
Don't be looking for girlfriend material.

861
00:47:25.980 --> 00:47:27.700
Girlfriends are for high school.

862
00:47:27.700 --> 00:47:29.300
Grow up, bro.

863
00:47:29.300 --> 00:47:30.820
That could be what's happening there.

864
00:47:30.820 --> 00:47:32.180
But no, no, no, no.

865
00:47:32.180 --> 00:47:39.500
What he did was, is he took this little tidbit and he was like, Whoa, how'd this lady know

866
00:47:39.500 --> 00:47:40.820
that I was looking for a girlfriend?

867
00:47:40.820 --> 00:47:41.820
Well, it's kind of easy.

868
00:47:41.820 --> 00:47:43.740
You're a college age kid.

869
00:47:43.740 --> 00:47:46.980
She has a 50% chance of being right about your love life.

870
00:47:46.980 --> 00:47:47.980
You know?

871
00:47:48.220 --> 00:47:53.060
I mean, you're either got a girlfriend or you don't, and you're, you're young and in

872
00:47:53.060 --> 00:47:54.060
your sexual prime.

873
00:47:54.060 --> 00:48:00.420
Did you guys know the guys are in their sexual prime in their twenties, twenties, ladies

874
00:48:00.420 --> 00:48:07.340
closer to the end of your thirties, 35 and up sexual prime, that's kind of mismatched.

875
00:48:07.340 --> 00:48:08.340
And that's okay.

876
00:48:08.340 --> 00:48:09.620
You can date a guy younger than you.

877
00:48:09.620 --> 00:48:12.540
If you want, you can get married to a guy who's younger than you.

878
00:48:12.540 --> 00:48:22.340
If you want, we're allowed to do that now to say, you know, age is not about yes or

879
00:48:22.340 --> 00:48:23.340
no.

880
00:48:23.340 --> 00:48:24.340
It's about season.

881
00:48:24.340 --> 00:48:26.300
Are you in the same season as this person?

882
00:48:26.300 --> 00:48:30.420
It's not about that number on their birth certificates at about seasons of life.

883
00:48:30.420 --> 00:48:31.420
Okay.

884
00:48:31.420 --> 00:48:36.420
So anyway, so he, he jumps to this conclusion that now he's not supposed to have anything

885
00:48:36.420 --> 00:48:39.780
to do with the opposite sex at all.

886
00:48:39.780 --> 00:48:44.020
And he's supposed to just sit around and wait and believe that when the woman comes

887
00:48:44.020 --> 00:48:46.340
along, that's right for him.

888
00:48:46.340 --> 00:48:49.100
He's going to know her just by looking at her.

889
00:48:49.100 --> 00:48:58.860
You guys stop it, literally stop it.

890
00:48:58.860 --> 00:49:04.540
Now do most men say that they know pretty early on that, that they're, you know, very

891
00:49:04.540 --> 00:49:12.900
attracted and very intrigued and, you know, very smitten and very, you know, willing to

892
00:49:12.900 --> 00:49:13.900
be attached?

893
00:49:13.900 --> 00:49:14.900
Yes.

894
00:49:14.900 --> 00:49:19.540
A lot of men do report that, but putting the pressure on yourself that you're just going

895
00:49:19.540 --> 00:49:23.420
to know the minute you lay eyes on someone that someone's your husband or wife, that's

896
00:49:23.420 --> 00:49:25.780
the fairytale script.

897
00:49:25.780 --> 00:49:28.500
That's a fairytale script.

898
00:49:28.500 --> 00:49:40.380
The skies part, oh, you know, the doves descend, all the things it is, it's a fairytale script.

899
00:49:40.380 --> 00:49:41.380
And I love it.

900
00:49:41.380 --> 00:49:46.020
Someone put fairytale passive, that's your two scripts, the fairytale script and the

901
00:49:46.020 --> 00:49:47.020
passive script.

902
00:49:47.020 --> 00:49:51.940
And what I love about that combination, I don't love it, um, is that you literally are

903
00:49:51.940 --> 00:49:55.580
passively waiting and you're probably waiting for a sign.

904
00:49:55.580 --> 00:49:59.900
Whoever put up fairytale and passive together, you're probably waiting for a sign.

905
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.840
Here's your sign, you're waiting for a sign.

906
00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:12.260
And what's going to happen is that if you do end up on a date with someone, if you do

907
00:50:12.260 --> 00:50:16.520
end up trying to get to know someone, you are going to be looking for the lightning

908
00:50:16.520 --> 00:50:17.520
bolt.

909
00:50:17.520 --> 00:50:21.100
You're going to be looking almost from the very beginning, first, second date to know,

910
00:50:21.100 --> 00:50:24.600
to know, to know, to know that this person is the right person.

911
00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:28.640
Or your passive script is going to kick in and you're going to say, Oh, I don't want

912
00:50:28.640 --> 00:50:29.840
to get in the way of God.

913
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:31.360
I don't want to strive.

914
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:32.880
Like I don't want to try to make this happen.

915
00:50:32.880 --> 00:50:34.640
I don't want to work at this.

916
00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:36.640
You know, I, I'm confused.

917
00:50:36.640 --> 00:50:37.640
You're not confused.

918
00:50:37.640 --> 00:50:38.680
You're a human being.

919
00:50:38.680 --> 00:50:43.160
You're not going to know immediately whether someone is their person or not.

920
00:50:43.160 --> 00:50:48.400
You're not supposed to know that.

921
00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:52.220
Pauline asks, I've heard that a man will know the woman he wants to marry.

922
00:50:52.220 --> 00:50:53.600
He will know within six months.

923
00:50:53.600 --> 00:50:54.600
Is that true?

924
00:50:54.600 --> 00:51:00.800
I put a timeline of getting to know someone in this book of the first 90 days of going

925
00:51:00.800 --> 00:51:04.640
on dates with them and being in relationship with them.

926
00:51:04.640 --> 00:51:08.480
And I really feel like it's a really good one based on all the success stories that

927
00:51:08.480 --> 00:51:10.720
I've been part of.

928
00:51:10.720 --> 00:51:15.560
Even in this, even in this church culture that a lot of you may be part of.

929
00:51:15.560 --> 00:51:18.920
I think that first 90 days template is good and we'll get to that.

930
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:23.040
So we'll talk about that more later about pacing and about what it looks like.

931
00:51:23.040 --> 00:51:26.320
But do men report that they know pretty quickly?

932
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:27.320
They do.

933
00:51:27.320 --> 00:51:29.400
But ladies, I want you to know something.

934
00:51:29.400 --> 00:51:34.520
That whole saying, if he wanted to, he would, it's not always true.

935
00:51:34.520 --> 00:51:40.800
And I know that we use that to make ourselves feel better because we don't want to be rejected.

936
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:43.060
And so we say, Oh, you know, if he wanted to, he would.

937
00:51:43.060 --> 00:51:46.060
So I'm not going to pay attention to this guy because he's not doing what I think he

938
00:51:46.060 --> 00:51:47.060
should be doing.

939
00:51:47.060 --> 00:51:48.400
And I don't want to feel rejection.

940
00:51:48.400 --> 00:51:52.320
So I'm just going to say, I'm going to say if he wanted to, he would know.

941
00:51:52.600 --> 00:51:55.040
It's not always true.

942
00:51:55.040 --> 00:51:56.200
Okay.

943
00:51:56.200 --> 00:51:59.220
People can really want to, but they can have some other things that they're working on

944
00:51:59.220 --> 00:52:00.900
and different things happen.

945
00:52:00.900 --> 00:52:09.200
And in the book, it kind of shows you what to gauge about someone's readiness for a relationship.

946
00:52:09.200 --> 00:52:13.180
Because they can want to and still not be able to.

947
00:52:13.180 --> 00:52:17.980
And it's important for you to understand that so that you're not wasting time on trying

948
00:52:17.980 --> 00:52:21.780
to help someone get ready or wait for them to get ready.

949
00:52:21.780 --> 00:52:25.220
If you are ready and you've done the work and you are ready to partner and you are ready

950
00:52:25.220 --> 00:52:31.140
for a relationship, you can't be waiting two, three, four, five, six, 10 years for someone

951
00:52:31.140 --> 00:52:33.260
who is not ready.

952
00:52:33.260 --> 00:52:36.060
They want to, they just can't.

953
00:52:36.060 --> 00:52:40.100
Does that make sense?

954
00:52:40.100 --> 00:52:41.700
It doesn't make them a terrible person.

955
00:52:41.700 --> 00:52:43.740
It makes them an unprepared person.

956
00:52:43.740 --> 00:52:44.740
Okay.

957
00:52:44.740 --> 00:52:48.140
All right, let's keep going.

958
00:52:48.140 --> 00:52:49.300
All right.

959
00:52:49.300 --> 00:52:54.420
I wanted to get to the dating autopsy.

960
00:52:54.420 --> 00:53:01.220
So what I'd like to do, if you guys are game, is I would like to, first of all, put you

961
00:53:01.220 --> 00:53:06.500
into a breakout room where you guys can talk about your scripts with each other.

962
00:53:06.500 --> 00:53:10.540
You talked about it with me here, but remember, we're bringing back the community in the village.

963
00:53:10.540 --> 00:53:15.700
And so I want you to be able to talk with each other about your scripts, your primary

964
00:53:15.700 --> 00:53:17.660
script, any kind of secondary script.

965
00:53:17.660 --> 00:53:20.820
And so we'll give you about five to 10 minutes to talk.

966
00:53:20.820 --> 00:53:23.440
We'll make the groups pretty small.

967
00:53:23.440 --> 00:53:25.700
So let me just get these going here.

968
00:53:25.700 --> 00:53:46.660
Give me one second.

969
00:53:46.660 --> 00:53:48.940
You might meet someone fun in your group.

970
00:53:48.940 --> 00:53:51.820
You might meet a best friend in your group.

971
00:53:51.820 --> 00:53:55.660
You might meet someone who lives in your area in your group.

972
00:53:55.660 --> 00:54:10.660
Okay, hold on one sec.

973
00:54:11.660 --> 00:54:38.660
Hello?

974
00:54:38.660 --> 00:54:39.660
Oh, hello.

975
00:54:39.660 --> 00:54:40.660
Oh, hello.

976
00:54:40.660 --> 00:54:41.660
So are we already put into a group?

977
00:54:41.660 --> 00:54:42.660
Yes.

978
00:54:42.660 --> 00:54:43.660
Yes.

979
00:54:46.660 --> 00:54:47.660
We're all together.

980
00:54:47.660 --> 00:54:49.660
I don't think anybody's in any group.

981
00:54:49.660 --> 00:54:50.660
No.

982
00:54:50.660 --> 00:54:51.660
No.

983
00:54:51.660 --> 00:54:52.660
Hello.

984
00:54:52.660 --> 00:54:53.660
Hello.

985
00:54:53.660 --> 00:54:54.660
Hi.

986
00:54:54.660 --> 00:54:55.660
Hey.

987
00:54:55.660 --> 00:54:56.660
Oh.

988
00:54:56.660 --> 00:54:57.660
Hello.

989
00:54:57.660 --> 00:54:59.660
Okay, guys.

990
00:54:59.660 --> 00:55:00.160
I have don't.

991
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.240
I have no idea what's going on right now, so just hang on a second.

992
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:08.080
Hang on one second.

993
00:55:08.080 --> 00:55:14.280
If my co-host can try to figure out what just happened, please.

994
00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:15.280
Something strange.

995
00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:19.400
Zoom has a new setting I've never seen before, and I have no idea what just happened.

996
00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:20.400
Okay.

997
00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:21.400
All right.

998
00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:23.800
Can you guys still see me?

999
00:55:23.800 --> 00:55:24.800
Yes.

1000
00:55:24.800 --> 00:55:25.800
Okay.

1001
00:55:25.800 --> 00:55:26.800
All right.

1002
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:34.800
Let's try again.

1003
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:45.800
Hold on one moment.

1004
00:56:15.800 --> 00:56:16.800
All right.

1005
00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:17.800
Here we go.

1006
00:56:17.800 --> 00:56:18.800
All right.

1007
00:56:18.800 --> 00:56:25.600
Thank you for your patience, and we're going to go ahead and put you guys into your breakout

1008
00:56:25.680 --> 00:56:34.320
rooms.

1009
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:51.840
All right.

1010
00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:41.840
You guys are sharing your scripts with each other.

1011
00:59:11.840 --> 00:59:12.840
Okay.

1012
00:59:12.840 --> 00:59:13.840
All right.

1013
00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:13.840


1014
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.060
you

1015
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:50.280
Robin are you waiting to be added to somebody's yeah I think so there's a

1016
01:00:50.280 --> 01:00:53.840
big storm and it kicked me out so I'm not sure what happened I was thinking

1017
01:00:53.840 --> 01:01:01.320
Renee's on here who else is a girl texting we could just talk here I don't

1018
01:01:01.320 --> 01:01:05.920
know where everybody else is okay yeah there's only about ten of us on here

1019
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:22.800
sure I suppose I'm late ladies I get the time run I'm in the East Coast I guess

1020
01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:25.800
we'll catch up next time

1021
01:01:25.800 --> 01:01:27.860
you

1022
01:01:47.480 --> 01:01:55.160
Juanita you're muted sorry are the are the profiles you're talking about in the

1023
01:01:55.160 --> 01:01:58.720
book because I didn't get a chance to read the book before this tonight's

1024
01:01:58.720 --> 01:02:05.800
session but you heard her talk about it just now right yeah barely my internet

1025
01:02:05.800 --> 01:02:14.280
has been going in and out and so I'm fairy tale chill independent is it soft

1026
01:02:14.280 --> 01:02:20.480
life and then scarcity yes that sounds about right for me I think independent

1027
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:31.080
and scarcity yeah what about y'all I think mine was the fairy tale script I'm

1028
01:02:31.080 --> 01:02:35.640
really been praying about it I'm 42 so I always felt like God told me to wait

1029
01:02:35.640 --> 01:02:42.640
wait wait and I feel like I know he's his voice and I've waited for a long

1030
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:47.520
time but I've also been dating here and so but God just hasn't given me the

1031
01:02:47.520 --> 01:02:52.560
green light I'm just afraid of you know sometimes I was like okay Lord how long

1032
01:02:52.560 --> 01:02:58.240
do I wait is it part of my church upbringing or is it a part of my

1033
01:02:58.240 --> 01:03:08.040
actually because I'm listening to God so how about you Renee so I actually just

1034
01:03:08.040 --> 01:03:14.760
joined in while the breakout groups were happening so I have no idea what what's

1035
01:03:14.760 --> 01:03:24.360
going on I think in the end it's like what what I feel like is hi Jackie go

1036
01:03:24.360 --> 01:03:31.160
for it I just got stuck in a breakout room so I just made it out what happened

1037
01:03:31.160 --> 01:03:35.240
okay so you guys are supposed to be sharing what your primary script is of

1038
01:03:35.240 --> 01:03:40.280
the five scripts or what version of a script like that you find yourself

1039
01:03:40.280 --> 01:03:43.760
repeating over and over

1040
01:03:44.760 --> 01:03:54.120
and what if you haven't date what if you haven't dated you on and why do you

1041
01:03:54.120 --> 01:03:57.840
think you haven't dated and one of those scripts running because you're waiting

1042
01:03:57.840 --> 01:04:02.160
for like the fairy tale to happen for him to show up are you in a waiting room

1043
01:04:02.160 --> 01:04:06.240
somewhere are you super independent you can still run a script even if you're

1044
01:04:06.240 --> 01:04:16.120
not dating what do you think I think it's a combination of bad teaching in

1045
01:04:16.120 --> 01:04:26.400
the past having family issues and having had to take care of parents and but

1046
01:04:26.400 --> 01:04:31.800
mostly believing that God was gonna show the perfect one one day or whatever I

1047
01:04:31.800 --> 01:04:37.200
was too traumatized too much fear taking care of parents who needed too

1048
01:04:37.200 --> 01:04:44.800
much attention so I kind of let life slip by until now

1049
01:04:50.720 --> 01:04:55.760
okay that's that's a that's a good reason why you haven't dated or why your

1050
01:04:55.760 --> 01:05:01.360
love life has not been a priority in your life but

1051
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.760
The whole purpose of this is to see ourselves in one of these scripts that we tell ourselves

1052
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:06.960
about.

1053
01:05:06.960 --> 01:05:11.240
So it's possible to that, you know, remember it's different versions of the script.

1054
01:05:11.240 --> 01:05:16.280
It doesn't have to be the exact script, but sometimes passivity takes the form of everyone

1055
01:05:16.280 --> 01:05:20.600
else is more important than us, you know?

1056
01:05:20.600 --> 01:05:24.060
And I know that taking care of children is important, friends, and I know that taking

1057
01:05:24.060 --> 01:05:27.640
care of aging parents is important, but you're not supposed to sacrifice your whole life

1058
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:28.640
for it.

1059
01:05:29.640 --> 01:05:32.160
It's like, well, if I don't do it, who else is going to do it?

1060
01:05:32.160 --> 01:05:37.040
Well, if you'll never know because you keep doing it.

1061
01:05:37.040 --> 01:05:41.200
If we make the space, then God sends people to fill the space.

1062
01:05:41.200 --> 01:05:42.200
Right.

1063
01:05:42.200 --> 01:05:43.200
All right.

1064
01:05:43.200 --> 01:05:44.200
Okay.

1065
01:05:44.200 --> 01:05:47.160
So I somehow got into your group, but I'm going to go over here and try to figure out

1066
01:05:47.160 --> 01:05:48.160
the rest.

1067
01:05:48.160 --> 01:05:51.160
All right.

1068
01:05:51.160 --> 01:05:54.160
Next person to talk, Kim.

1069
01:05:54.680 --> 01:06:03.480
Got to unmute yourself.

1070
01:06:03.480 --> 01:06:06.760
Maybe we should tell them, remind them the different categories, because I know Renee

1071
01:06:06.760 --> 01:06:08.720
said she didn't hear them.

1072
01:06:08.720 --> 01:06:13.840
It's fairy tale, chill or passive, independent.

1073
01:06:13.840 --> 01:06:17.640
I think the next one is soft life and then scarcity.

1074
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:23.160
So she was asking, like, which one do you, which one or two do you identify with?

1075
01:06:24.160 --> 01:06:30.280
So I'm not, I'm not really sure because I don't know, I didn't really clearly see it

1076
01:06:30.280 --> 01:06:34.440
fall into one of those, but maybe you can tell me what you think.

1077
01:06:34.440 --> 01:06:42.160
So 26 years ago, my ex left and abandoned us one day here, gone the next and never saw

1078
01:06:42.160 --> 01:06:43.600
him again kind of thing.

1079
01:06:43.600 --> 01:06:50.600
So at that time, God told me to wait and I knew, I really believed and knew he was telling

1080
01:06:50.600 --> 01:06:54.960
me it was going to be a long, it was going to be until my children were grown and out

1081
01:06:54.960 --> 01:06:55.960
of the house.

1082
01:06:55.960 --> 01:06:56.960
I knew that.

1083
01:06:56.960 --> 01:06:57.960
And that would mean a long time.

1084
01:06:57.960 --> 01:07:00.920
So here we are 26 years later.

1085
01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:07.360
And I really up until now have felt like it, God has had me wait and it, and it wasn't

1086
01:07:07.360 --> 01:07:13.280
like, it wasn't my choice necessarily, but I knew I wanted God's way and God's will.

1087
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:15.880
So I decided to wait on him.

1088
01:07:15.880 --> 01:07:22.080
And I also, but I also feel like he's getting, he was recently getting me ready and preparing

1089
01:07:22.080 --> 01:07:23.080
me kind of thing.

1090
01:07:23.080 --> 01:07:24.640
And that's why I joined this group.

1091
01:07:24.640 --> 01:07:29.120
I'm not really crazy about dating apps and all that stuff, but I just didn't know what

1092
01:07:29.120 --> 01:07:34.040
category that, because it's not really, I have become independent because I needed to,

1093
01:07:34.040 --> 01:07:40.080
I was a single mom and raised my kids alone, but it's not because I wanted to be, I have

1094
01:07:40.080 --> 01:07:46.600
independence because it's sort of forced on me, but, and it's not really scarcity.

1095
01:07:46.600 --> 01:07:50.280
It's not really, you know, any of the other categories.

1096
01:07:50.280 --> 01:07:52.040
So I don't know.

1097
01:07:52.040 --> 01:07:53.040
I just heard from God.

1098
01:07:53.040 --> 01:07:55.500
I heard him clearly and I've been obedient.

1099
01:07:55.500 --> 01:07:57.360
So that's it.

1100
01:07:57.360 --> 01:07:59.840
All right, guys, we're back.

1101
01:07:59.840 --> 01:08:01.540
I think we're all back in the same group.

1102
01:08:01.540 --> 01:08:02.960
I'm not really sure.

1103
01:08:02.960 --> 01:08:06.280
Zoom has a new feature that I'm not aware of.

1104
01:08:06.280 --> 01:08:10.640
And I think that it put some of you all in some kind of chat together and then others

1105
01:08:10.640 --> 01:08:12.500
of you in other places.

1106
01:08:12.500 --> 01:08:17.880
So let's go ahead and text in the main chat.

1107
01:08:17.880 --> 01:08:20.600
If you have a different chat going on, just ignore that.

1108
01:08:20.600 --> 01:08:27.920
And text in the main chat, if anything, what kind of revelation that you got from talking

1109
01:08:27.920 --> 01:08:28.920
to each other?

1110
01:08:28.920 --> 01:08:31.680
Did you see that a lot of people are having the same scripts?

1111
01:08:31.680 --> 01:08:34.279
Did you guys have a lot of things in common when you were talking?

1112
01:08:34.279 --> 01:08:36.359
Come on, let's see that in the chat.

1113
01:08:36.359 --> 01:08:41.880
One of our sisters was just talking about how, you know, she felt like she heard from

1114
01:08:41.880 --> 01:08:46.319
the Lord that, you know, she went through a divorce and we'll talk about, we're going

1115
01:08:46.319 --> 01:08:48.800
to talk about divorce and different things.

1116
01:08:48.800 --> 01:08:53.000
For those of you that that is part of your story, we'll talk about that because that

1117
01:08:53.000 --> 01:08:55.600
can really hinder dating, especially if you're a single parent.

1118
01:08:55.600 --> 01:09:00.399
I was a single mom before I met and married my husband.

1119
01:09:00.399 --> 01:09:02.720
And I've been married for almost 20 years.

1120
01:09:02.720 --> 01:09:05.000
For those of you that ask, is Jackie married?

1121
01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:06.720
How long has she been married for?

1122
01:09:06.720 --> 01:09:09.520
I was married to my first husband for 12 years and I was married.

1123
01:09:09.520 --> 01:09:12.080
I've been married to my second husband for almost 20 years.

1124
01:09:12.080 --> 01:09:13.080
I'll be married.

1125
01:09:13.080 --> 01:09:16.439
We'll be married 20 years next year in 2027.

1126
01:09:16.439 --> 01:09:22.640
So but a lot of people think that they've heard something very clearly from God that

1127
01:09:22.640 --> 01:09:26.640
goes and puts them in that passive script, puts them in that passive waiting room.

1128
01:09:26.640 --> 01:09:29.920
And listen, we're not here to try to rewrite the past.

1129
01:09:29.920 --> 01:09:33.040
If you're one of those people that has done that, we're not going to argue with you that

1130
01:09:33.040 --> 01:09:35.080
you heard God or didn't hear God.

1131
01:09:35.080 --> 01:09:36.760
We're not going to say that you did or didn't.

1132
01:09:36.760 --> 01:09:42.160
We're not here to, you know, to, to make people feel like they made a mistake or, you know,

1133
01:09:42.160 --> 01:09:43.160
did the wrong thing.

1134
01:09:43.160 --> 01:09:48.000
But I do want to say this because you guys know that I deal with faith based singles.

1135
01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:54.160
I deal with singles that are trying to navigate their lives by hearing from God.

1136
01:09:54.160 --> 01:09:59.160
I deal with charismatic singles, people who are following after the Holy Spirit.

1137
01:09:59.160 --> 01:10:00.160
I deal with all.

1138
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.600
these types of people. I'm also a Christian. I'm also a spirit filled Christian. I've also

1139
01:10:04.600 --> 01:10:09.920
been in ministry for almost 30 years. Okay. So I'm pretty spiritually mature. I have a

1140
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:15.600
lot of, I have a lot of, uh, mugs and a lot of t-shirts. I've been doing a lot of rodeos

1141
01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:21.000
in the whole charismatic movement. But I want to say this oftentimes, especially in the

1142
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:26.960
area of your love life, you are taught to navigate this by yourself. You're taught to

1143
01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:33.440
pray and, you know, see what God says about perhaps dating someone like, God, what are

1144
01:10:33.440 --> 01:10:37.320
you saying about this person that I just met on this app? Are they the one? Are they not

1145
01:10:37.320 --> 01:10:41.880
the one? Should I even go on a date with them? Um, you're praying about if you should date

1146
01:10:41.880 --> 01:10:48.080
at all, or, you know, there's all kinds of theologies that are coming at you about kissing,

1147
01:10:48.080 --> 01:10:53.640
dating, goodbye, or, you know, not doing this or doing that, or only doing this when this

1148
01:10:53.640 --> 01:10:58.680
is true of you. Like for instance, uh, not dating until your children are grown and out

1149
01:10:58.680 --> 01:11:03.800
of the house. And a lot of people are getting this information. And once again, this has

1150
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:09.400
nothing to do with our sister who just shared, but all of you that are in this boat, I really

1151
01:11:09.400 --> 01:11:15.120
want to encourage you to not navigate this by yourself. Get other people to weigh in

1152
01:11:15.120 --> 01:11:20.240
on that. Is that God really telling you, or are you just doing that because of shame?

1153
01:11:20.240 --> 01:11:25.000
Are you just doing that because of fear? Are you just doing that because of religion

1154
01:11:25.000 --> 01:11:30.000
or the theology that's been sold to you? Are you just doing that because you don't want,

1155
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:33.760
once again, the fear based option, you don't want your children to go through any more

1156
01:11:33.760 --> 01:11:40.160
brokenness or any more bad relationships. Uh, you've been really hurt, uh, by whatever

1157
01:11:40.160 --> 01:11:45.000
has happened. Your spouse passed, or you were divorced, you were betrayed, you were cheated

1158
01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:51.080
on, you were abused, whatever it is. These are all things that come together that sort

1159
01:11:51.080 --> 01:11:58.880
of form what we believe about things and including what we believe God is telling us about things.

1160
01:11:58.880 --> 01:12:07.920
And so it's never good, never friends good for you to just decide that this is what God

1161
01:12:07.920 --> 01:12:16.400
is telling you to do in this area of your life without wise counsel around you, without

1162
01:12:16.400 --> 01:12:22.160
the witness of others that are spiritually mature, that can take a look at the situation

1163
01:12:22.160 --> 01:12:26.800
that are not operating in religion, that have your best interests at heart. If you don't

1164
01:12:26.800 --> 01:12:30.840
have those people in your life, once again, this is about rebuilding the village. So the

1165
01:12:30.840 --> 01:12:35.240
last part of this today is going to be the dating autopsy. I wanted you to take your

1166
01:12:35.240 --> 01:12:38.760
relationships. For those of you that have never had a relationship before, it would

1167
01:12:38.760 --> 01:12:43.520
be very difficult for you to do this. But for those of you that have had close relationships,

1168
01:12:43.520 --> 01:12:47.600
meaning it was almost a relationship, it was a situation ship. It wasn't quite boyfriend

1169
01:12:47.600 --> 01:12:51.920
and girlfriend. And the others of you have had lots of boyfriends and girlfriends. You've

1170
01:12:51.920 --> 01:12:57.520
even been engaged. I have a student who's broken off like three engagements, different

1171
01:12:57.520 --> 01:13:04.000
things. You put all of that in the autopsy. What are all those relationships have in common?

1172
01:13:04.040 --> 01:13:07.560
Do you see your scripts running throughout that? What do they have in common?

1173
01:13:10.120 --> 01:13:14.200
It's important. What pattern do you see?

1174
01:13:19.720 --> 01:13:23.240
Because we're trying to interrupt patterns. And so we're going to do some live coaching on this.

1175
01:13:23.240 --> 01:13:28.040
Remember, I am available to you in the app. So if you feel like you didn't get enough time

1176
01:13:28.040 --> 01:13:32.040
to really ask your questions tonight, go ahead and put your question up in the app.

1177
01:13:32.040 --> 01:13:37.480
I will ask, I will answer your questions. I will give you feedback. I will have a conversation

1178
01:13:37.480 --> 01:13:43.080
with you before the next time that we come together. Okay. Um, was the autopsy a checklist?

1179
01:13:43.080 --> 01:13:47.560
There was a checklist. There is a checklist. If you go to that portion of the book, for those

1180
01:13:47.560 --> 01:13:51.480
of you that don't have a book in front of you because you're using the ebook, that's fine.

1181
01:13:51.480 --> 01:13:59.320
The dating autopsy is on page 46, but it also is a worksheet inside week one's curriculum.

1182
01:13:59.480 --> 01:14:05.560
And it includes the cultural detox. It includes a little checklist of your cultural detox.

1183
01:14:05.560 --> 01:14:10.920
And the cultural detox is if you choose one of these, it kind of leads you to your script, right?

1184
01:14:10.920 --> 01:14:16.120
This first one says, if it's the right person, I'll feel it immediately. Which script is that?

1185
01:14:16.120 --> 01:14:20.360
Put it in the chat. If it's the right person, I'll feel it immediately. Which script is that?

1186
01:14:22.920 --> 01:14:27.320
Yep. It's the fantasy one. It's the fairytale one. Showing too much interest.

1187
01:14:27.960 --> 01:14:33.880
Showing too much interest will chase people away. Gosh, if I show that I really like someone,

1188
01:14:33.880 --> 01:14:37.720
if I text back too quickly, if I act too eager, they're going to run away.

1189
01:14:37.720 --> 01:14:44.440
What's that? That's the passive guy or the chill girl. Right? Okay. I should be grateful that

1190
01:14:44.440 --> 01:14:49.560
anyone this good is interested in me. This one's a little harder. I should just be thankful that

1191
01:14:49.560 --> 01:14:59.560
anyone this good is just interested in me. Yeah. Yep. I don't need a relationship. I'm fine on my

1192
01:14:59.560 --> 01:15:00.120
own.

1193
01:15:00.640 --> 01:15:02.160
I'm good. I'm fine.

1194
01:15:07.200 --> 01:15:11.280
If I just wait and pray, the right person will appear. Which one is that?

1195
01:15:17.600 --> 01:15:20.240
Okay, here's one that's kind of harder to discern.

1196
01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:27.440
If it requires effort, if the relationship requires work, it must be the wrong relationship.

1197
01:15:28.400 --> 01:15:32.880
The right relationship is not going to require any work. You guys read the book.

1198
01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:39.600
Some people put independent, but fairytale is the one that I was going for with that.

1199
01:15:40.320 --> 01:15:44.960
Wanting commitment too soon makes me seem desperate. This is for those of you that

1200
01:15:44.960 --> 01:15:48.960
never defined the relationship. You let the relationship just lag on for months,

1201
01:15:48.960 --> 01:15:53.280
even years, without really making sure that other person is on the same page with you

1202
01:15:53.360 --> 01:15:55.440
because you're so afraid of what they might say.

1203
01:15:59.920 --> 01:16:05.600
Some people said scarcity. Some people said passive guy, chill girl. Yep. A good partner

1204
01:16:05.600 --> 01:16:10.960
will already know what I need without me having to tell them. A good partner is going to know

1205
01:16:10.960 --> 01:16:14.800
what I need without me even having to tell them. I don't have to tell them.

1206
01:16:14.800 --> 01:16:24.560
I'm not going to tell them. Why should I tell them? They should already know.

1207
01:16:30.560 --> 01:16:34.480
Love that is meant to be, will find a way no matter what I do or don't do.

1208
01:16:38.880 --> 01:16:43.440
No matter what I do or don't do, if it's meant to be, it's going to happen.

1209
01:16:45.600 --> 01:16:49.600
All right. So for those of you that did the dating autopsy, let me see in the chat if you

1210
01:16:49.600 --> 01:16:52.560
actually figured out something about yourself.

1211
01:17:01.760 --> 01:17:04.240
Oh, look at it. Saw some patterns, did you?

1212
01:17:07.840 --> 01:17:10.800
You hold on too long. Joyce holds on too long.

1213
01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:16.400
Sarah's like, I'm all of these scripts. I have all of them. Anyone else feel like Sarah? Anyone

1214
01:17:16.400 --> 01:17:20.720
else? Like I have all of these scripts. Just like the love languages. You're like,

1215
01:17:20.720 --> 01:17:26.560
I'm running all these scripts at the same time. I'm running all of them.

1216
01:17:31.360 --> 01:17:31.840
Yeah.

1217
01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:36.960
Don't forget friends. You can put any, any questions that you want in the coaching tabs

1218
01:17:36.960 --> 01:17:43.840
and they will be responded to as we do this journey together. You guys, we're just getting

1219
01:17:43.840 --> 01:17:50.160
started. Tonight is more of an introduction. We're just going to be talking a little bit more about

1220
01:17:50.160 --> 01:17:54.400
what we're going to be doing next week. I'm going to be talking a little bit more about

1221
01:17:54.400 --> 01:17:58.160
what we're going to be doing next week. I'm going to be talking a little bit more about

1222
01:17:59.120 --> 01:18:02.880
tonight is more of an introduction. We're just getting started.

1223
01:18:02.880 --> 01:18:06.160
We're building a foundation. We're starting to look at our programming.

1224
01:18:07.920 --> 01:18:12.000
We understand what's going wrong out here, but we need to know what's going wrong in here too.

1225
01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:17.520
Don't we? We got to know what, what did this do to you specifically?

1226
01:18:20.400 --> 01:18:24.240
Friends, I don't want you out here believing for those of you that are running the passive

1227
01:18:24.320 --> 01:18:29.920
faith script. I don't want you believing that God is telling you in a vacuum, what you should do

1228
01:18:29.920 --> 01:18:34.000
about your love life. Meaning he's just talking to you. He's not talking to anybody else. He's

1229
01:18:34.000 --> 01:18:41.200
just telling you in your private prayer closet. He's just telling you you guys so often, we just

1230
01:18:41.200 --> 01:18:45.200
believe God is talking to us based. And I know that we're like, well, I know God's voice. He

1231
01:18:45.200 --> 01:18:49.120
don't know his voice a hundred percent of the time. And I'm going to tell you right now, a lot

1232
01:18:49.120 --> 01:18:54.720
of us, we tell ourselves what we think God is saying, because that is what we already believe

1233
01:18:54.720 --> 01:19:01.280
it's top of mind. So we see the signs. We see the signs that are confirming something

1234
01:19:01.280 --> 01:19:08.080
that we already believe to be true. And some of you, because you've been single for so long,

1235
01:19:08.080 --> 01:19:12.000
you just believe that God doesn't want you married. And that's why you're single.

1236
01:19:12.000 --> 01:19:17.920
And you think the evidence of that is the fact that you're single, but you're also single

1237
01:19:17.920 --> 01:19:24.480
because you've been passive. You have, or you're running one of these other scripts that gets you

1238
01:19:24.480 --> 01:19:30.560
into relationship with unhealthy people. The scarcity scripts can always get you in relationship

1239
01:19:30.560 --> 01:19:35.360
with unhealthy people. The chill girl, the passive guy script, always going to be unhealthy people,

1240
01:19:35.360 --> 01:19:40.560
the independent script, unhealthy, the fairytale script unhealthy. Why? Because it's going to be

1241
01:19:40.560 --> 01:19:44.720
about vibes. It's going to be about chemistry and not compatibility and not character.

1242
01:19:45.680 --> 01:19:49.280
We're going to build our non-negotiables in this book club together.

1243
01:19:50.640 --> 01:19:53.440
And we're going to look at each other's and we're going to call each other out.

1244
01:19:54.000 --> 01:19:59.760
If you're non-negotiables are trash based on these scripts.

1245
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
I better not see a height requirement on anybody's list.

1246
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:09.980
You can have that as a preference all day long,

1247
01:20:09.980 --> 01:20:14.360
twice on Sunday, but it better not be on your non-negotiable.

1248
01:20:14.360 --> 01:20:19.360
And gentlemen, I better not see any numbers on yours either.

1249
01:20:19.560 --> 01:20:21.760
Age numbers, weight numbers.

1250
01:20:26.440 --> 01:20:28.180
Non-negotiables should be completely

1251
01:20:28.180 --> 01:20:30.700
about compatibility and character.

1252
01:20:30.700 --> 01:20:33.340
You're gonna have to live with this person in your house

1253
01:20:33.340 --> 01:20:35.500
for the rest of your life.

1254
01:20:35.500 --> 01:20:37.760
They're not gonna be in the house next door.

1255
01:20:37.760 --> 01:20:40.300
You gotta get along with these people.

1256
01:20:40.300 --> 01:20:42.020
I do know a married couple that lives next door

1257
01:20:42.020 --> 01:20:43.060
to each other though.

1258
01:20:44.220 --> 01:20:45.060
It's interesting.

1259
01:20:46.020 --> 01:20:47.980
I know someone who does everything,

1260
01:20:47.980 --> 01:20:49.140
but for the majority of you,

1261
01:20:49.140 --> 01:20:51.760
you're gonna live in the house with this person,

1262
01:20:54.380 --> 01:20:58.140
in the closet, in the room, share a closet,

1263
01:20:58.140 --> 01:21:00.700
share a bathroom, maybe even share a sink.

1264
01:21:00.700 --> 01:21:02.860
God bless you if that happens.

1265
01:21:02.860 --> 01:21:06.780
God help you if you have to actually share a sink.

1266
01:21:06.780 --> 01:21:08.020
There's not two sinks.

1267
01:21:08.020 --> 01:21:13.020
Houses shouldn't be built without his and her sinks.

1268
01:21:13.300 --> 01:21:14.580
It's just wrong.

1269
01:21:14.580 --> 01:21:18.660
It's just wrong in my opinion, just wrong.

1270
01:21:18.660 --> 01:21:23.660
Okay, please, it's time for you to come back

1271
01:21:28.380 --> 01:21:29.660
into the village.

1272
01:21:29.660 --> 01:21:31.860
You don't just get to sit on your own

1273
01:21:31.860 --> 01:21:36.140
and just talk to God anymore about anything.

1274
01:21:36.140 --> 01:21:37.580
You should always run everything.

1275
01:21:37.580 --> 01:21:39.500
You guys, especially if it's a huge decision

1276
01:21:39.500 --> 01:21:44.060
like staying single, you gotta make sure

1277
01:21:44.060 --> 01:21:47.160
that that's wise and wisdom and not just fear.

1278
01:21:49.660 --> 01:21:52.860
You're like, well, God doesn't have to tell me why.

1279
01:21:52.860 --> 01:21:54.780
Yeah, he kind of does.

1280
01:21:54.780 --> 01:21:59.260
And he will, especially if it's about some big decision.

1281
01:21:59.260 --> 01:22:00.460
You know, it's, oh, well, Jackie,

1282
01:22:00.460 --> 01:22:02.020
we walk by faith and not by sight.

1283
01:22:02.020 --> 01:22:04.060
You guys are taking these scriptures

1284
01:22:04.060 --> 01:22:06.740
and just cherry picking them and doing whatever you want.

1285
01:22:06.740 --> 01:22:09.180
Do you guys even know what that scripture is about?

1286
01:22:09.180 --> 01:22:11.060
We walk by faith and not by sight.

1287
01:22:11.060 --> 01:22:13.060
Did you read the scriptures around it

1288
01:22:14.460 --> 01:22:18.300
before you decided to just tattoo it on your bum?

1289
01:22:19.660 --> 01:22:20.500
Hmm?

1290
01:22:21.820 --> 01:22:22.660
Seriously.

1291
01:22:23.980 --> 01:22:25.100
For real, for real.

1292
01:22:39.620 --> 01:22:41.620
Can you guys hear me still?

1293
01:22:41.620 --> 01:22:42.820
It's storming here.

1294
01:22:49.340 --> 01:22:50.340
Can you guys hear me?

1295
01:22:51.260 --> 01:22:52.100
Yes, okay.

1296
01:22:53.420 --> 01:22:55.140
Praise the Lord.

1297
01:22:55.140 --> 01:22:55.980
Okay.

1298
01:22:58.220 --> 01:22:59.420
You guys, you can't just read the Bible.

1299
01:22:59.420 --> 01:23:01.100
You really have to read the Bible.

1300
01:23:01.100 --> 01:23:02.300
It's really important.

1301
01:23:03.340 --> 01:23:04.860
You can't just take scriptures

1302
01:23:04.860 --> 01:23:07.500
and just apply them to things.

1303
01:23:19.500 --> 01:23:20.980
Because when you take that scripture,

1304
01:23:20.980 --> 01:23:22.100
and I think it's important, you guys,

1305
01:23:22.100 --> 01:23:24.420
and this is not a Bible study, but listen.

1306
01:23:24.420 --> 01:23:25.500
When you take that scripture,

1307
01:23:25.500 --> 01:23:26.580
specifically that scripture,

1308
01:23:26.580 --> 01:23:28.100
we walk by faith and not by sight,

1309
01:23:28.100 --> 01:23:29.740
and you just apply it to your whole life,

1310
01:23:29.740 --> 01:23:32.740
meaning like I never have to know the why behind the what.

1311
01:23:32.740 --> 01:23:34.460
God can do whatever he wants.

1312
01:23:34.460 --> 01:23:36.580
I'm just trusting the Lord with all my heart

1313
01:23:36.580 --> 01:23:38.060
and leaning not to my own understanding

1314
01:23:38.060 --> 01:23:39.380
and all my ways acknowledging him

1315
01:23:39.380 --> 01:23:40.340
and he's directing my path.

1316
01:23:40.340 --> 01:23:42.820
Yes, Proverbs 3, 5, it's beautiful.

1317
01:23:42.820 --> 01:23:45.900
But you guys, you can't just take them and cherry pick them.

1318
01:23:45.900 --> 01:23:47.540
There have to be areas of your life

1319
01:23:47.540 --> 01:23:48.740
where you actually have a plan.

1320
01:23:48.740 --> 01:23:50.460
Do you know it's okay to have a plan?

1321
01:23:50.460 --> 01:23:52.420
Do you know it's okay to work the plan?

1322
01:23:53.620 --> 01:23:57.100
You don't have to just be out here on a wing in a prayer.

1323
01:23:57.100 --> 01:23:57.940
You don't.

1324
01:24:00.140 --> 01:24:01.300
You don't have to.

1325
01:24:03.420 --> 01:24:05.500
Specifically, the immediate context

1326
01:24:05.500 --> 01:24:07.220
of 2 Corinthians 5, 7,

1327
01:24:07.220 --> 01:24:10.780
which is we walk by faith and not by sight,

1328
01:24:10.780 --> 01:24:12.980
focuses on the tension

1329
01:24:12.980 --> 01:24:15.500
between these temporal lives and eternity.

1330
01:24:16.500 --> 01:24:20.300
Talking about walking by faith,

1331
01:24:20.300 --> 01:24:22.300
even though we can't see heaven,

1332
01:24:23.540 --> 01:24:25.940
we don't know it's for sure there.

1333
01:24:25.940 --> 01:24:27.020
None of y'all been there.

1334
01:24:27.020 --> 01:24:28.220
Well, you might've been there in a dream

1335
01:24:28.220 --> 01:24:29.060
or a vision or something,

1336
01:24:29.060 --> 01:24:30.260
but do you see what I'm saying?

1337
01:24:30.260 --> 01:24:32.100
That's what it's about.

1338
01:24:32.100 --> 01:24:33.860
It's not about whether or not

1339
01:24:33.860 --> 01:24:36.340
you should go work for JPMorgan Chase.

1340
01:24:36.340 --> 01:24:38.220
It's not about your dating life.

1341
01:24:38.220 --> 01:24:40.540
It's not about where you should eat for dinner

1342
01:24:40.540 --> 01:24:41.580
or not eat for dinner.

1343
01:24:41.580 --> 01:24:43.980
It's not about that, you guys.

1344
01:24:44.020 --> 01:24:45.460
That's not what it means.

1345
01:24:46.540 --> 01:24:48.780
It means you're walking this walk by faith.

1346
01:24:48.780 --> 01:24:50.100
You're following Jesus,

1347
01:24:50.100 --> 01:24:51.940
not really truly knowing.

1348
01:24:52.860 --> 01:24:53.940
Really, you know,

1349
01:24:53.940 --> 01:24:56.980
but you don't know that there's an afterlife or a heaven

1350
01:24:56.980 --> 01:24:58.700
because you have not seen it.

1351
01:24:59.580 --> 01:25:00.420
You walk.

1352
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.640
by faith, not by sight, not because you have seen

1353
01:25:04.640 --> 01:25:07.280
what it is that God has ultimately promised you,

1354
01:25:07.280 --> 01:25:08.560
which is eternal life.

1355
01:25:08.560 --> 01:25:10.740
Are you tracking with me?

1356
01:25:11.920 --> 01:25:16.400
Do you see how silly that is to apply to Brad

1357
01:25:16.400 --> 01:25:17.460
on the dating app?

1358
01:25:22.000 --> 01:25:23.000
That doesn't apply.

1359
01:25:26.560 --> 01:25:29.260
And some of you in your autopsy, you're like,

1360
01:25:30.160 --> 01:25:32.600
yes, Jackie, I found out what my pattern is.

1361
01:25:32.600 --> 01:25:33.820
Guy's named Brad.

1362
01:25:35.600 --> 01:25:36.960
Don't date Brad.

1363
01:25:36.960 --> 01:25:38.680
That literally, I didn't put that in the book,

1364
01:25:38.680 --> 01:25:41.680
but that was one of my coaching clients.

1365
01:25:41.680 --> 01:25:45.680
She's like, I'll date anyone but Brad.

1366
01:25:45.680 --> 01:25:48.000
I'm never gonna date another Brad ever again.

1367
01:25:48.000 --> 01:25:50.520
It's just like, is there a Brad in here tonight?

1368
01:25:50.520 --> 01:25:51.960
Bless you.

1369
01:25:51.960 --> 01:25:53.000
No, there's not.

1370
01:25:53.000 --> 01:25:54.480
I just looked at that list.

1371
01:25:54.480 --> 01:25:55.500
There's no Brad.

1372
01:26:00.000 --> 01:26:05.000
I'm not saying we should keep asking God

1373
01:26:05.800 --> 01:26:06.920
why you're single.

1374
01:26:06.920 --> 01:26:09.800
No, Sarah, I'm saying that if you think

1375
01:26:09.800 --> 01:26:12.060
that God has told you to stay single,

1376
01:26:12.060 --> 01:26:15.000
or he's told you not to date for some long season of time,

1377
01:26:15.000 --> 01:26:17.020
or he's told you to go sit in the waiting room,

1378
01:26:17.020 --> 01:26:20.520
if he's told you to whatever, if it's some huge decision

1379
01:26:20.520 --> 01:26:22.720
and it's really extreme like that,

1380
01:26:22.720 --> 01:26:25.480
you've gotta get other eyeballs on that.

1381
01:26:25.480 --> 01:26:28.000
You've gotta get other ears on that.

1382
01:26:28.000 --> 01:26:29.680
People that are spiritually mature,

1383
01:26:30.360 --> 01:26:31.960
people that you trust, people that are not religious,

1384
01:26:31.960 --> 01:26:34.640
people that can rightly divide the word of God.

1385
01:26:36.120 --> 01:26:39.360
You have to, because otherwise,

1386
01:26:39.360 --> 01:26:42.380
you could be doing something for some long period of time.

1387
01:26:43.480 --> 01:26:46.040
Case in point, I had a student who believed

1388
01:26:46.040 --> 01:26:49.040
that God told her the name of her husband, just in prayer.

1389
01:26:49.040 --> 01:26:51.480
Okay, just her by herself praying,

1390
01:26:51.480 --> 01:26:53.640
God, I wanna get married someday.

1391
01:26:53.640 --> 01:26:55.480
You know, send me a husband.

1392
01:26:55.480 --> 01:26:56.640
Okay, I'll send you a husband.

1393
01:26:56.640 --> 01:26:58.500
His name is blank.

1394
01:26:59.960 --> 01:27:02.720
Okay, let's just say his name is Brad, just for fun.

1395
01:27:02.720 --> 01:27:05.160
His name is Brad, okay?

1396
01:27:05.160 --> 01:27:07.320
It's like, oh, yay, yay.

1397
01:27:07.320 --> 01:27:08.360
But you know what?

1398
01:27:08.360 --> 01:27:10.760
She didn't run that by anybody else.

1399
01:27:10.760 --> 01:27:13.360
Just A to B, A to B, A to B,

1400
01:27:13.360 --> 01:27:16.040
because we teach people to be in isolation.

1401
01:27:16.040 --> 01:27:19.160
Isolation in your love lives, isolation in your lives,

1402
01:27:19.160 --> 01:27:21.920
isolation in your spiritual lives, just isolated.

1403
01:27:21.920 --> 01:27:26.080
And so she kept that to herself, waiting for Brad.

1404
01:27:26.080 --> 01:27:29.840
And so she didn't date anyone whose name wasn't Brad.

1405
01:27:29.840 --> 01:27:30.680
And guess what?

1406
01:27:30.680 --> 01:27:31.600
She didn't know any Brad,

1407
01:27:31.600 --> 01:27:33.360
so she didn't date anyone at all.

1408
01:27:33.360 --> 01:27:36.000
She was just sitting and waiting and trusting the Lord,

1409
01:27:36.000 --> 01:27:37.840
walking by faith and not by sight.

1410
01:27:37.840 --> 01:27:38.680
Just kidding.

1411
01:27:39.520 --> 01:27:41.320
Waiting for what?

1412
01:27:41.320 --> 01:27:42.640
For Brad to come.

1413
01:27:42.640 --> 01:27:44.240
And then one day, guess what?

1414
01:27:45.960 --> 01:27:48.040
Some tall drink of water walked through the door

1415
01:27:48.040 --> 01:27:51.180
of her little church, and his name was Brad.

1416
01:27:53.440 --> 01:27:55.340
Hallelujah, it's raining men.

1417
01:27:56.120 --> 01:27:58.240
And gentlemen, it can be you guys,

1418
01:27:58.240 --> 01:28:01.480
but her name is Carrie and you're waiting, whatever.

1419
01:28:01.480 --> 01:28:03.760
Okay, so he comes through the door.

1420
01:28:04.720 --> 01:28:06.920
He starts attending the church.

1421
01:28:06.920 --> 01:28:08.680
She's looking at him from across the room.

1422
01:28:08.680 --> 01:28:12.040
You guys, she's been waiting for like seven years now.

1423
01:28:12.040 --> 01:28:15.200
This is like a bad layer Rachel story going on here.

1424
01:28:15.200 --> 01:28:19.480
And he asked her on a date.

1425
01:28:20.360 --> 01:28:22.540
Oh my gosh, she's gonna go on a date with Brad.

1426
01:28:22.540 --> 01:28:24.700
She's been waiting for him forever, so now here they go.

1427
01:28:24.700 --> 01:28:25.620
They're gonna go on a date.

1428
01:28:26.380 --> 01:28:30.460
And she doesn't even ask herself, does she like Brad?

1429
01:28:30.460 --> 01:28:31.660
Is Brad fun?

1430
01:28:31.660 --> 01:28:33.240
Does she think Brad's cute?

1431
01:28:33.240 --> 01:28:35.120
Are they compatible?

1432
01:28:35.120 --> 01:28:36.220
Is he boring?

1433
01:28:36.220 --> 01:28:38.540
Is the conversation going well?

1434
01:28:38.540 --> 01:28:39.600
Is she even interested?

1435
01:28:39.600 --> 01:28:41.700
No, no, all she can think about is this word

1436
01:28:41.700 --> 01:28:44.100
that she got from God supposedly

1437
01:28:44.100 --> 01:28:45.900
about her future husband's name.

1438
01:28:45.900 --> 01:28:47.340
And that's what his name was.

1439
01:28:47.340 --> 01:28:48.780
And that's what this guy's name was.

1440
01:28:48.780 --> 01:28:49.680
But guess what?

1441
01:28:49.680 --> 01:28:51.080
She didn't really like this guy.

1442
01:28:51.080 --> 01:28:52.180
She couldn't admit it then

1443
01:28:52.180 --> 01:28:55.060
because he's the only Brad that she had met.

1444
01:28:55.060 --> 01:28:56.580
But guess what this Brad did?

1445
01:28:56.580 --> 01:28:57.780
He never asked her out again.

1446
01:28:57.780 --> 01:28:59.820
They went on one date, one and done, that's it.

1447
01:28:59.820 --> 01:29:01.540
But you know who he did ask out?

1448
01:29:01.540 --> 01:29:02.620
Her housemate.

1449
01:29:02.620 --> 01:29:04.020
And you know who he married?

1450
01:29:04.020 --> 01:29:05.140
Her housemate.

1451
01:29:07.300 --> 01:29:08.940
He started dating her housemate.

1452
01:29:10.740 --> 01:29:11.720
And he married her.

1453
01:29:14.780 --> 01:29:17.500
Talk about a existential crisis.

1454
01:29:19.740 --> 01:29:21.940
And it wasn't until she became my coaching client

1455
01:29:21.940 --> 01:29:23.460
that she could finally really just admit

1456
01:29:23.460 --> 01:29:25.220
that she didn't really like Brad.

1457
01:29:27.700 --> 01:29:30.900
And that her future husband's name indeed is not Brad.

1458
01:29:32.260 --> 01:29:33.620
By the way, that name has been changed

1459
01:29:33.620 --> 01:29:35.520
to protect the innocent and the guilty

1460
01:29:35.520 --> 01:29:36.980
and everyone in between.

1461
01:29:36.980 --> 01:29:39.220
All right, so friends,

1462
01:29:39.220 --> 01:29:42.780
stop making huge decisions for your life in a vacuum,

1463
01:29:44.100 --> 01:29:45.780
in a little prayer closet by yourself

1464
01:29:45.780 --> 01:29:46.980
between you and God

1465
01:29:46.980 --> 01:29:49.540
and whatever pizza you ate for dinner last night

1466
01:29:49.540 --> 01:29:53.220
making you think that God does not want you

1467
01:29:53.980 --> 01:29:55.420
to have a marriage or a family.

1468
01:29:55.420 --> 01:29:57.060
And he's going to make you wait

1469
01:29:57.060 --> 01:29:59.540
until you're past your childbearing years.

1470
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.640
And then finally give you a husband. What's the point of that again? Excuse me? Why?

1471
01:30:07.880 --> 01:30:10.040
Stop it. It's not true

1472
01:30:11.260 --> 01:30:13.260
He hardwired you in the Garden of Eden

1473
01:30:14.160 --> 01:30:20.520
All of us to be better together. We are better together. I already showed you what's broken. It's the system

1474
01:30:20.520 --> 01:30:23.040
That's broken the curse broke it all the way back in the Garden of Eden

1475
01:30:23.360 --> 01:30:29.480
Men and women under the curse became enemies of each other the battle of the sexes started in the garden

1476
01:30:29.960 --> 01:30:34.040
And you see it going on and on and on and on and the curse looks different on everyone

1477
01:30:34.040 --> 01:30:40.880
But your singleness is part of it. God created us to mate. Dating is for mating. He created us to come together

1478
01:30:41.040 --> 01:30:47.920
He created us to procreate and to have children and to raise families. He created us to do that

1479
01:30:47.920 --> 01:30:51.520
Yeah, we do a lot of other stuff too now. Cool. Good. We can have it all

1480
01:30:52.920 --> 01:30:55.080
Not at the same time, but we can have it all

1481
01:30:56.040 --> 01:30:58.040
You don't have to sacrifice

1482
01:31:00.920 --> 01:31:02.920
Your desire for marriage

1483
01:31:03.480 --> 01:31:06.440
Now you're gonna have to make room for it. You're gonna have to make space for it

1484
01:31:06.440 --> 01:31:10.680
You can't have this crazy busy schedule if you are a boss, babe or gentleman

1485
01:31:10.680 --> 01:31:15.560
If you work 90 hours a week, you don't have room for someone in your life and you're gonna have to do that

1486
01:31:15.560 --> 01:31:18.920
That's all very practical stuff and we're gonna talk about that as we go on

1487
01:31:18.920 --> 01:31:22.760
All right, but I want to take a few questions gonna take two questions three questions

1488
01:31:22.760 --> 01:31:29.560
Back into the app you guys are gonna get your next week's reading assignments dripped to you in the app

1489
01:31:29.720 --> 01:31:31.240
It'll all be there waiting for you

1490
01:31:31.240 --> 01:31:35.320
And then you're gonna ask the rest of your questions either in the Facebook group or the app. Okay

1491
01:31:35.480 --> 01:31:37.960
All right. So who has got a good question?

1492
01:31:39.560 --> 01:31:42.040
That they think is going to help everybody and not just them

1493
01:31:43.000 --> 01:31:48.920
Dana asked a good question. She said what's the correct script you guys all of these scripts can get redeemed

1494
01:31:49.480 --> 01:31:51.480
Every one of these scripts can become healthy

1495
01:31:52.040 --> 01:31:57.080
The fairy tale script becomes healthy when you understand that. Yes, you want to have chemistry

1496
01:31:57.480 --> 01:32:01.720
You want to feel attracted you want to feel compatible and you want to feel compelled

1497
01:32:02.360 --> 01:32:04.360
You want to feel like you're in control

1498
01:32:04.920 --> 01:32:06.920
You want to feel like you're in control

1499
01:32:06.920 --> 01:32:11.900
Chemistry you want to feel attracted you want to feel compatible and you want to feel compelled

1500
01:32:12.920 --> 01:32:14.440
But chemistry

1501
01:32:14.440 --> 01:32:18.280
Can't be driving the bus. It has to be a passenger on the bus

1502
01:32:18.920 --> 01:32:22.120
Right, you can you can redeem all of this. It's cool to be

1503
01:32:22.680 --> 01:32:24.660
someone who's not

1504
01:32:24.660 --> 01:32:26.660
Aggressively anxious in a relationship

1505
01:32:27.240 --> 01:32:32.920
Okay guys that are passive women that are chill. It's great to not be aggressively anxious to have an anxious attachment

1506
01:32:32.920 --> 01:32:34.360
It's great to not have those things

1507
01:32:34.360 --> 01:32:40.680
But actually when you're chilled like this or gentlemen when you're passive it is almost that you are anxiously attached

1508
01:32:40.920 --> 01:32:42.200
You're afraid of rejection

1509
01:32:42.200 --> 01:32:46.760
You're trying to make sure that this person doesn't abandon you because you make the wrong step or do the wrong thing

1510
01:32:47.240 --> 01:32:49.420
And so healing that is important scarcity

1511
01:32:50.520 --> 01:32:52.280
poverty mentalities

1512
01:32:52.280 --> 01:32:57.480
All of that has to be healed independence. It's not a bad thing to be able to get stuff done yourself

1513
01:32:57.720 --> 01:33:02.600
But you've been created to be interdependent you need other people not just romantic partners, but

1514
01:33:03.320 --> 01:33:09.480
Community friends and then passive faith never good friends. It's good to have faith, but faith is not passive

1515
01:33:09.960 --> 01:33:11.480
the bible says

1516
01:33:11.480 --> 01:33:15.000
That faith without action is dead religion

1517
01:33:16.600 --> 01:33:22.520
Just so you know, that's the translation of that scripture faith without works is dead faith without correlating action

1518
01:33:22.600 --> 01:33:26.760
What kind of action action that proves that you believe this thing over here?

1519
01:33:27.640 --> 01:33:29.640
you

1520
01:33:29.640 --> 01:33:35.560
What's the good of believing something if you never act on it and do you really believe it if you don't act on it

1521
01:33:35.560 --> 01:33:37.320
That's what that scripture is saying

1522
01:33:37.320 --> 01:33:40.440
Faith without works without action is what?

1523
01:33:42.040 --> 01:33:47.000
Faith without works is dead, but the word there is dead religion. It's dead religion

1524
01:33:47.000 --> 01:33:51.640
It just means that you say you you believe something you're going through the motions of belief

1525
01:33:52.040 --> 01:33:55.320
But because you're not taking action, you don't actually really believe it

1526
01:33:58.280 --> 01:34:00.040
If I gave you a check for a million dollars

1527
01:34:00.040 --> 01:34:04.840
And you just ood and odd over it and thought it was the most amazing thing and called all of your friends and posted

1528
01:34:04.840 --> 01:34:09.320
It on instagram, but never went to the bank to cash it. Do you believe that check is good?

1529
01:34:11.160 --> 01:34:16.040
Do you believe that check is good do you believe that it's worth a paper that it's written on do you believe that

1530
01:34:17.400 --> 01:34:20.440
Do you believe that that check is really worth a million dollars? I don't think you do

1531
01:34:21.400 --> 01:34:22.920
even though you

1532
01:34:22.920 --> 01:34:24.920
Jump up and down about it

1533
01:34:25.160 --> 01:34:27.480
And if you want to apply this to your religious life

1534
01:34:27.480 --> 01:34:32.920
You can you can go and jump up and down at church about jesus all you want to but if your faith does not believe

1535
01:34:33.800 --> 01:34:39.480
If your faith does not act like you believe what it is that you're jumping up and down about then we got to disconnect

1536
01:34:39.560 --> 01:34:41.320
someplace, okay

1537
01:34:41.320 --> 01:34:43.560
So we gotta we gotta cash the check friends

1538
01:34:44.840 --> 01:34:48.040
And one thing i'm sure of is that god created you

1539
01:34:48.680 --> 01:34:50.680
for partnership

1540
01:34:51.240 --> 01:34:53.240
I'm sure of it

1541
01:34:53.240 --> 01:34:59.800
Um, do you see how hard for those of you that believe in an enemy of your soul for an opposing force for those of you?

1542
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.680
Believe in opposing forces because I know there are people here that are not necessarily believers or Christians

1543
01:35:06.160 --> 01:35:11.820
Why do you think that the opposing forces have been trying to keep men and women at odds from the very beginning?

1544
01:35:11.820 --> 01:35:16.200
Why do you think that they've been trying to keep family broken up from the very beginning?

1545
01:35:16.200 --> 01:35:20.720
Why do you think that they took the creation of God and they try to come in between it from the very beginning?

1546
01:35:21.040 --> 01:35:23.040
Do you see the pattern?

1547
01:35:24.040 --> 01:35:26.320
Do you think that it's because it was really important?

1548
01:35:31.000 --> 01:35:33.560
Do you guys think that's important?

1549
01:35:34.720 --> 01:35:40.560
do you think that maybe God all God ever wanted in this entire thing was a

1550
01:35:41.520 --> 01:35:47.680
Family, do you guys see that that that's all he ever wanted all this other stuff that you think is so important

1551
01:35:49.000 --> 01:35:51.000
He said all that's just gonna be nothing

1552
01:35:53.200 --> 01:35:56.120
The only thing that's gonna be in eternity is people

1553
01:35:56.840 --> 01:36:01.040
Your family the family that you have and the family that you build

1554
01:36:02.640 --> 01:36:04.640
That's it

1555
01:36:05.680 --> 01:36:07.680
That's it

1556
01:36:11.600 --> 01:36:13.600
That's it guys, that's it

1557
01:36:18.320 --> 01:36:19.720
All right

1558
01:36:19.720 --> 01:36:21.720
all right friends I

1559
01:36:22.040 --> 01:36:25.700
Did not mean to get a preach on but it's really important to me that you guys

1560
01:36:25.800 --> 01:36:31.840
Understand that God is not against you in this that he is for you and that life is for you and that he created you

1561
01:36:31.840 --> 01:36:35.840
For this but you were born during a generation when things are especially broken

1562
01:36:36.160 --> 01:36:39.000
You were born in a generation where everything is

1563
01:36:39.280 --> 01:36:43.240
Completely deteriorated and falling apart and falling apart at a rapid rate

1564
01:36:43.240 --> 01:36:48.080
Do you guys know that the Millennials are supposed to stay single by 70% you guys?

1565
01:36:48.080 --> 01:36:52.880
We have to do something and we have to come together. And so I know that you just came for a book club

1566
01:36:52.880 --> 01:36:58.760
We're like Jackie. I'm just here to read a book. I'm just here for a book club, but you're being enlisted into a movement

1567
01:37:01.360 --> 01:37:07.300
Should you decide to say yes a movement of what a movement of community-based matchmaking

1568
01:37:09.120 --> 01:37:11.120
That's what

1569
01:37:11.320 --> 01:37:13.320
You

1570
01:37:15.680 --> 01:37:19.320
The future of kingdom marriage and family it doesn't just rest upon me

1571
01:37:19.320 --> 01:37:23.400
I answered the call but you're answering the call by joining this book club as well

1572
01:37:23.400 --> 01:37:27.940
And guess what your marriage your future family is caught up in this net, too

1573
01:37:29.800 --> 01:37:33.760
All right, so let's take a deeper look if you did not do the dating autopsy

1574
01:37:33.760 --> 01:37:36.800
Please do if you didn't have any dates to autopsy. That's fine as well

1575
01:37:36.800 --> 01:37:40.480
If you have any questions for me, please ask them in the app. I will answer them

1576
01:37:40.800 --> 01:37:48.160
please take a deeper look at the why behind the what if you're running any of these scripts any of this program or anything even

1577
01:37:48.480 --> 01:37:49.800
remotely

1578
01:37:49.800 --> 01:37:55.880
Connected to this programming start asking yourself. When was the first time that I started believing this about love?

1579
01:37:56.160 --> 01:37:59.720
When was the first time that I started acting like this towards the opposite sex?

1580
01:38:01.200 --> 01:38:03.200
When when when and why?

1581
01:38:05.320 --> 01:38:07.800
And we're going to talk more about that as we go on together

1582
01:38:08.160 --> 01:38:12.960
All right, so your homework is and it'll be in there if it's not already there

1583
01:38:12.960 --> 01:38:14.960
You'll see it here in the next 24 hours

1584
01:38:14.960 --> 01:38:22.160
It is your reading assignment and it is your next questions to answer and the next group work that we'll be doing together

1585
01:38:22.880 --> 01:38:27.240
It's gonna be great. It's only gonna get more fun as we go forward

1586
01:38:27.400 --> 01:38:30.680
It's gonna be a little intense, of course, but it is gonna be fun

1587
01:38:30.680 --> 01:38:36.680
And so as we go into getting ready for next Tuesday, I want you to

1588
01:38:37.600 --> 01:38:42.880
Really focus and do the work. Okay. Once again, don't just sign up

1589
01:38:42.880 --> 01:38:47.960
Make sure that you show up and encourage each other friend each other find each other if you join the community

1590
01:38:48.520 --> 01:38:51.620
Facebook page, it'll be easier to see who each other are than in the app

1591
01:38:51.640 --> 01:38:56.080
So if you do have a Facebook, I encourage you to join that Facebook page because you'll be able to see each other

1592
01:38:56.720 --> 01:39:00.680
Easier. Okay. All right. I hope you enjoyed tonight

1593
01:39:00.680 --> 01:39:04.320
I certainly did and we'll we'll spend some more time on Q&A next time

1594
01:39:04.320 --> 01:39:08.040
But remember you can ask your questions to me in the app and on Facebook. I'll see