WEBVTT

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of us rest. Thank you. Thank you, Cheryl. I'm so sorry. If you're just watching now,

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it is online dating, regular dating, all things dating, and I barely just started. And we

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are excited to have you here tonight in the replay. Thank you. I have a wonderful team

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helping me do that stuff. Okay, so it's perfect timing, though. So we are about to kind of

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launch into, hey, Renee, do I look camera ready? Or like, what would you change about

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my outfit or my background? Or, you know, I'm going to banter with you for like a minute

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or two, and I'm going to tell you how you woo me or not. And I'm just going to say how

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you do. Or you're going to read us your bios. Or you're going to share with us your deal

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breaker list. Because I recently met with a couple of you. I love you. But like Jackie

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said, did y'all hear Jackie say it was in, was it this week's Supernatural Saturday or

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last week where she's like, y'all, some of your lists are a little too long. And you're

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demanding things in your spouse that you are not. And so we always want to try to show

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grace. If you want somebody to show grace about your weight, you want to show grace

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about their weight. You want to show grace, if you need grace about your wealth, then

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you want somebody. And I have said this before. And so is Jackie. We always want partners

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who have a growing and learning spirit. They're not done growing and learning, growing and

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learning. Brian's faith has catapulted in ways that are similar to mine. And hopefully

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he's rubbing off on me. His faith looked really different than mine. He was working three jobs,

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worked on Sundays. He did not have a church community, which is why I'm so glad he's doing,

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you guys, he knows more people at church than I do because we're at a new church together.

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And it's because he goes to this men's night thing every Thursday night and they don't

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have that for the women. And I really love that for him. So I want you to come on camera,

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raise your hand. You're either going to show me you and we're going to banter. You're going

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to tell us your profile. You're going to ask a dating question. If you're getting stuck,

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I'll help you get unstuck. And I'm also going to reiterate yet again, and I don't know,

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it probably is showing up on my social media feed because I keep pausing on it. You know

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how the logarithms go, oh, she's paying attention. You guys, I continue to see new social media

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sites that promote this one today. I took a screenshot of it. It is called, oh, where'd it go?

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Oh, dang it. What did I do with it? It was called, oh my gosh, I thought I took a screenshot of it.

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Oh baby, this is what happens when you get old like me. You just, I don't know. I must have not

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saved it. But if you Google dinner clubs, social meetups, I've been seeing at least three or four

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different ones that are national chains that will match you up with five other people to go to

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dinner, which I love that idea. I love kind of like a group date where it's a mixture of men

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and women. So you're not just staring across at one person. Oh, time left. Oh, thank you,

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Cheryl. That's one of them. Meet five. Yes. That's another one. Oh, thank you people. Thank

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you. You're helping me out. So some of you have seen them on your social media too. So if you're

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like, I'm not meeting anybody in the wild, but I need to take a break from online dating. I feel

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like this is a really good in between because usually they'll pick nice places to go to dinner.

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And I would say pick the ones where you like the restaurant and you, you, and the worst thing that

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happens is you're a little bit bored by people, but you had a really good meal and you practice

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your social skills. And it's possible you can tell people about this community. Maybe they're

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related to somebody who knows somebody who's got somebody for you. Um, and so I've continued to do

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that. So who would like to come on camera first with me? Ooh, Amanda, go for it. Girlfriend. Ooh.

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And look at, see Amanda, I already want to talk to you and go on a date with you. That smile. Oh my

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gosh. Yeah, I actually get a lot of compliments about my smile. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Um, so I

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wanted to share my list. Oh, good. I, I had a list like maybe like nine years ago, but I ripped it

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up and I made a new one. And so the first one is patient with

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relationship. The second one is worthy. Is this your deal breaker list or your preference?

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Oh, this is like my preference. Okay. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. I just wanted to

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make sure. Okay. Okay. So the first one was patient with our relationship. The second one

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is worthy of my love. The third one is leadership qualities and abilities. The fourth one is shares

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slash respects my values and boundaries regarding physical intimacy. And then the fifth one is,

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has a high love, knowledge and respect for the word. The sixth one is pulls me closer to God.

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And the last one is pursues me with intention, clarity and effort. Okay. Can we unpack them?

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Okay. Yeah, we're going to unpack them because I want to help you go a little deeper to

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understand what it means. Like, okay, so right now I'm trying to write a thesis paper for the

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summer and we have to have an argument and you can't just say, I want to unpack sin.

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Like you have to get really specific. And so you, you mentioned a few things and I'm like,

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hmm, I wonder how she's going to know that's true. So the first one seemed fine. He's going to have

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patience. Like obviously if he doesn't have patience, he's going to get hotheaded. He's

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going to get defensive. He's not going to want to change. That's an easy one. What was the second

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one though? Worthy of my love. Okay. So you want him to be worthy of your love. What does he have

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to do or show you to be worthy of your love? Cause that is so big. Right. I think what I meant when I

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wrote that or type that was obviously he needs to treat me with respect and love. Okay.

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And obviously he needs to be a Christian too. So I would actually break that out because those are

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all three different things. So for you, how do you, how will you know he's respecting you? Is it

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the way he talks to you? Yes. Okay. So it's the tone he uses with you. Is it letting you finish

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your thoughts, having an opinion? It's all the things, right? So, so when you're kind of praying

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to God about that and it's even okay in your list to kind of type out what does respect look like

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for me? Because this might be a great conversation starter for you guys as you go along because you

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will find people will define respect, leadership, and communication differently. Like somebody might

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say good communication skills. Well, I'm like my good communication skills includes thinking on my

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feet and thinking out loud. Brian don't like doing that. He's a internal processor. He don't like to

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be interrupted. And I'm a Yankee. We interrupt when we're in the conversation. So write down

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those things because at some point it might be a good conversation for you to ask him,

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what does respect look like for you? What does respect look like for me? Because of your family

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of origin, you'll might define that differently. And then besides respect, what was the other two

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words that you said in there? Hold on. Well, you said that he's a Christian. So I would say

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that let's start to go with, he's a follower of Jesus and he believes Jesus is Lord because I feel

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like saying you're a Christian is like saying I'm going to go Xerox something. It's just so

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in the South, it means bupkis. You want to make sure he's a follower of Jesus

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and he believes Jesus is Lord of his life. So you can be clear. Okay. What was this third

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bullet point? Leadership qualities and abilities. Okay. That's a biggie. What does leadership

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qualities look like to you? I think leadership qualities and can he take charge and can he,

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for example, maybe plan the dates or know how to communicate well enough his thoughts or what he

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wants and things like that. Yeah. And the only reason I'm asking you to think it out and even

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type it out, because the more you're clear about what that means, the more, if you feel like he's

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doing it or not doing it, or you need to see more of it, the clearer you can be with him. So somebody

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have really good leadership skills or what they think is good leadership skills. Right. And it

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might look more quiet than you realize. It might look

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more reserved than you want, so he might be thinking he's leading you, but it may not

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feel like you're being led.

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So if you ever have a conversation and you're like, you know what?

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I really feel like I need to be led a little bit more.

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He might say to you, what does that look like for you?

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And you want to just be ready.

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Okay.

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What's the next one?

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Okay, that's good.

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So here's the rule of thumb I want to see for all of you for physical intimacy.

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It would be great if the person you talk to about sex is feeling the same way about you.

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They're like, woo-hoo, we're both not going to have sex.

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We're not going to go to second base.

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If we don't share body parts, we're not touching it.

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Good.

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Chances are, you're going to have somebody who might have different boundaries at what's

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acceptable and not acceptable.

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Jackie and I don't have the same, like she's like, you're not swapping spit, are you?

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I'm like, we're totally swapping spit.

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But for me, it just wasn't my boundary, but it also wasn't a stronghold in my life.

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And so if this is a person that you're going to be able to be married to, you're going

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to want to be super clear on what's appropriate and not appropriate behavior.

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And here's the answer you're hoping for at minimum.

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Wow.

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And this is where Brian was, you guys.

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So Brian hadn't dated anybody for six years, but the last two women he dated after his

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divorce, he slept with both of them and he didn't date them very long.

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And so when I did the whole, hey, bucko, I'm not going on a vacation with you.

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And by the way, we're not having sex.

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His immediate response was, oh my gosh, you're right.

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I've been praying to God for somebody.

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Why wouldn't I expect that to be the answer?

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Of course, we shouldn't be doing that.

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So do you see how like he was convicted in the moment?

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So that's the kind of answer.

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Here's what you guys don't want to hear.

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Oh, Amanda, really?

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Okay.

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So you know what?

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If that's what you want to do, I really respect that.

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I would be really careful on that one.

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So here's what you can say.

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Okay.

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So I have a clarifying question, dude.

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So if I'm horny and I say to you one night, like, hey, I changed my mind.

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Let's go for it.

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What are you going to do?

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And if the guy, and this is true for men too, says, well, I guess I would go for it.

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No, the answer is no, no, no, Amanda.

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You said we weren't going to do that before we get married.

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That's how much you want them to be on board, that they're going to hold you to that even

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if you are the one that tries to get them to change their minds.

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Does that make sense?

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So I'm glad you have that on there, but I thought this was a good teaching moment for

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y'all to be honest about this.

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And like Jackie said, a couple of weeks ago, we try to not have you talk about sex too

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soon, but if they behave sexual, they bring it up, then unfortunately you're going to

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have that conversation.

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And Brian brought it up within a week.

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He was like, hey, maybe we can go on vacation next year.

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And I was like, okay, bucko.

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But I wouldn't have necessarily brought that up after a week.

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Now, so anyway, what's your next one?

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Has a high love, knowledge, and respect for the word.

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Okay.

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How much knowledge does he need to have?

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Does he need to have a theology degree or does he need to know where degree 16 is?

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I mean, at least know the word well enough.

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You want to know that he's dabbled in the word, that it's a part of his practice, that

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the word is part of his practice.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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Because here's the thing, even Satan can quote scripture.

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He knows it like the back of his hand.

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So just because a person, and this is true for men and women, just because a person knows

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scripture doesn't mean they're living out the word.

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So you want to make sure that they are partaking the word and they are activating their life

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around it.

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That sounds a little bit more fluid than you looking for the theologian.

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Right.

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I mean, I've gone out on dates with people that ended up being an atheist and they would

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then withdraw scripture at me.

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So you'd be surprised at how many people have deconstructed, still know scripture really

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well, but they're not living by it at all.

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Okay.

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What's the next one?

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Pulls me closer to God.

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That's perfect.

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I love it.

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Is that it?

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Is that the last one?

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The last one is pursues me with intention, clarity, and effort.

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And I think that should be like at the top.

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That's such an important.

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or M1, you want somebody who pursues you.

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That should be the most important thing

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is somebody who's pursuing you with intention

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and has clarity.

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If he or she likes you, you're not confused.

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We say this all the time.

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If they like you, you're not confused.

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So I spent a lot of time on her list

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because did you guys see what I did there?

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Like sometimes when we pick these things,

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they're just so lofty.

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So if that guy or girl says,

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well, what does that mean to you?

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If you can't explain what it means to you,

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then it's really gonna be hard

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for them to live up to that per se.

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So that was good.

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There was nothing horrible on your list.

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I just helped you tweak it a little bit

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and make sure in your head, you've got some clarity.

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And ladies, let's just be careful too.

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I showed my, you know, you talked about

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you tore up your list.

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I had a list 20 years ago

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and I remember a few men said to me,

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married men said this to me.

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So you want a gay braveheart.

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Like you want a guy who's braveheart.

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He's all the masculine qualities of braveheart,

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but he's sensitive like your gay male friends.

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Like that guy don't exist, Renee.

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And so you just wanna make sure,

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so that's like my running joke to people.

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You wanna make sure you're not looking for gay braveheart.

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00:16:13.900 --> 00:16:17.000
In the same way for guys, I would say,

220
00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:20.880
okay, give me, I'm way too old

221
00:16:20.880 --> 00:16:24.800
because my answer is men want Madonna

222
00:16:24.800 --> 00:16:26.420
who acts like Donna Reed,

223
00:16:26.460 --> 00:16:29.900
but I need a more present day version of like,

224
00:16:29.900 --> 00:16:31.340
she's like the Hoochie.

225
00:16:31.340 --> 00:16:33.860
She looks like the Hoochie,

226
00:16:33.860 --> 00:16:36.620
but she's like the Proverbs 31 woman.

227
00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:41.260
Like chances are, she's gonna be a little bit of both,

228
00:16:41.260 --> 00:16:42.980
but maybe not all of both.

229
00:16:42.980 --> 00:16:44.940
So it's the same idea.

230
00:16:44.940 --> 00:16:47.740
We wanna make sure that we're being realistic.

231
00:16:47.740 --> 00:16:49.260
Okay, Elizabeth, you're up.

232
00:16:51.140 --> 00:16:54.460
Yes, so I have been working on putting together

233
00:16:54.460 --> 00:16:55.980
a dating resume.

234
00:16:57.660 --> 00:16:58.500
Okay.

235
00:16:58.500 --> 00:17:01.300
So I'd love a little feedback on kind of the content

236
00:17:01.300 --> 00:17:02.580
that I'm putting on there.

237
00:17:02.580 --> 00:17:03.420
Okay.

238
00:17:04.980 --> 00:17:07.619
So I'm just opening up with like my age,

239
00:17:07.619 --> 00:17:08.900
never married, no children,

240
00:17:08.900 --> 00:17:10.859
like some of the basics that someone would want to know

241
00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:11.859
on a profile.

242
00:17:13.819 --> 00:17:15.859
And then just like where I grew up,

243
00:17:15.859 --> 00:17:17.260
where I currently live.

244
00:17:17.260 --> 00:17:18.880
Wait, I wanna ask a question.

245
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:19.720
Yeah.

246
00:17:19.720 --> 00:17:20.540
I wanna ask a question on that.

247
00:17:20.540 --> 00:17:21.619
And I don't know the answer

248
00:17:21.619 --> 00:17:23.780
and I don't know if there's a right answer.

249
00:17:24.980 --> 00:17:29.540
Do we need to say never married people

250
00:17:29.540 --> 00:17:31.380
or do we just need to say single?

251
00:17:32.460 --> 00:17:35.140
Because you can say divorced.

252
00:17:35.140 --> 00:17:36.740
You can say widowed.

253
00:17:37.700 --> 00:17:40.460
I think it's okay to just say single.

254
00:17:40.460 --> 00:17:44.860
Okay, because I sometimes people have connotations.

255
00:17:44.860 --> 00:17:45.700
I know.

256
00:17:45.700 --> 00:17:46.940
And so let's not put it in there

257
00:17:46.940 --> 00:17:49.500
because I feel like I had to explain my,

258
00:17:49.500 --> 00:17:51.100
really, so you've never been married?

259
00:17:51.100 --> 00:17:51.940
Why have you never been?

260
00:17:51.940 --> 00:17:52.760
Yeah.

261
00:17:52.760 --> 00:17:55.520
It would have been easier if I said I was divorced twice.

262
00:17:55.520 --> 00:17:56.360
Yeah.

263
00:17:56.360 --> 00:17:58.440
And so let's not,

264
00:17:58.440 --> 00:18:00.300
I think it's okay to put single,

265
00:18:00.300 --> 00:18:02.560
no kids, but would welcome yours.

266
00:18:02.560 --> 00:18:04.920
Yeah, and that's what I put open to having children,

267
00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:06.680
love to be a bonus mom.

268
00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:07.520
Great.

269
00:18:07.520 --> 00:18:11.240
And then where I grew up, I'm open to relocating.

270
00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:12.080
Great.

271
00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:14.920
I just like very briefly,

272
00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:17.640
like I own my own private practice,

273
00:18:19.360 --> 00:18:20.840
spent three years.

274
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:22.800
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

275
00:18:22.800 --> 00:18:25.080
Okay, and I say this as a former CEO.

276
00:18:25.080 --> 00:18:26.700
So we have to be careful here.

277
00:18:28.080 --> 00:18:31.640
We can't like, so you're a doctor?

278
00:18:31.640 --> 00:18:33.320
A trauma therapist.

279
00:18:33.320 --> 00:18:34.400
Oh, okay.

280
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:35.560
So,

281
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:44.040
I would put in medical care.

282
00:18:45.080 --> 00:18:46.800
And that's a hard one with being a therapist

283
00:18:46.800 --> 00:18:49.240
because people have so many connotations.

284
00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:50.600
I know, so my concern,

285
00:18:51.360 --> 00:18:54.960
so here's what I've seen happen with therapists is,

286
00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:56.320
and this has happened to my girlfriend.

287
00:18:56.320 --> 00:18:59.360
It happens if you're a therapist or a life coach,

288
00:18:59.360 --> 00:19:01.040
sometimes you start talking to somebody

289
00:19:01.040 --> 00:19:02.720
and you're like, wait a second,

290
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:06.760
am I coaching you right now, giving you therapy right now?

291
00:19:06.760 --> 00:19:08.960
So this is just your profile.

292
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:12.260
This is just first pass, right?

293
00:19:12.260 --> 00:19:14.960
So this isn't like, you can tell somebody on the first day,

294
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:17.420
oh, you're in medical, what do you do?

295
00:19:17.420 --> 00:19:18.800
I'm a therapist.

296
00:19:18.800 --> 00:19:21.520
I wouldn't even say trauma therapist

297
00:19:21.520 --> 00:19:23.400
because all that's going to invite them to do

298
00:19:23.400 --> 00:19:25.240
is talk about their trauma.

299
00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:26.800
And that to me is a red flag.

300
00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:29.520
Like, I don't want to be your therapist.

301
00:19:29.520 --> 00:19:31.200
I'm doing my own work.

302
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:34.920
Like that's what ended a relationship that I was in

303
00:19:34.920 --> 00:19:36.520
is like, it got to the point where I felt like

304
00:19:36.520 --> 00:19:39.360
I was being this therapist and that just was not healthy.

305
00:19:39.360 --> 00:19:40.700
Yeah, yeah.

306
00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:43.320
You can just say private, you know,

307
00:19:43.320 --> 00:19:45.680
medical private practice and leave it at that.

308
00:19:45.680 --> 00:19:48.600
And let them think about whatever that might be.

309
00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:52.040
Private practice and consulting in the medical field.

310
00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:53.120
Perfect.

311
00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:56.200
Okay, because I do, I have consulting that I do.

312
00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:58.160
And it is okay, Elizabeth,

313
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.200
for you to not give the specific.

314
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.000
civics, even on a first date, what that is.

315
00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.200
Yeah.

316
00:20:04.200 --> 00:20:05.080
I'm just, you know what?

317
00:20:05.080 --> 00:20:08.760
I am involved in medical care of some way,

318
00:20:08.760 --> 00:20:10.840
but I'm actually gonna leave that behind

319
00:20:10.840 --> 00:20:12.880
for the first couple of visits,

320
00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:15.040
because I feel like if we go down that path,

321
00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:16.800
we just start going into our resumes

322
00:20:16.800 --> 00:20:19.360
and I would rather you get to know me for me

323
00:20:19.360 --> 00:20:20.540
than the work I do.

324
00:20:21.540 --> 00:20:22.380
Okay.

325
00:20:22.380 --> 00:20:23.640
Especially since,

326
00:20:25.280 --> 00:20:29.320
especially therapists, you get dragged into that so fast.

327
00:20:29.360 --> 00:20:30.200
Yes.

328
00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:33.280
And yeah, on my hinge, it's like,

329
00:20:33.280 --> 00:20:34.120
Yeah.

330
00:20:34.120 --> 00:20:36.120
Like I've put like,

331
00:20:36.120 --> 00:20:37.880
I used to be the clinical director.

332
00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:40.000
So I put director,

333
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.320
or now I'm like practice owner.

334
00:20:42.320 --> 00:20:44.920
Like, so it's business things that are less described.

335
00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:45.960
That's what I used to do.

336
00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:49.120
I used to not say CEO of a pregnancy center.

337
00:20:49.120 --> 00:20:52.160
I'd just be like, oh, nonprofit director.

338
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:54.500
Like I started getting way more vague.

339
00:20:54.500 --> 00:20:55.800
Okay. Yeah.

340
00:20:55.800 --> 00:20:58.000
And then, especially because a lot of,

341
00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:00.040
when they hear no kids, they're like, do you?

342
00:21:00.040 --> 00:21:04.200
So I put that I spent time as an elementary school teacher

343
00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:05.960
and 10 years as a nanny.

344
00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:08.500
And I found that has at least the feedback

345
00:21:08.500 --> 00:21:10.040
I've gotten from men,

346
00:21:10.040 --> 00:21:12.840
that that's like, they love hearing that nurturing side.

347
00:21:12.840 --> 00:21:13.680
Yeah, that's good.

348
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:15.600
And then I just briefly put,

349
00:21:15.600 --> 00:21:17.280
I came to know the Lord as a young child,

350
00:21:17.280 --> 00:21:18.520
have continued to walk with him,

351
00:21:18.520 --> 00:21:21.280
prayer and Bible reading are part of my daily life.

352
00:21:21.280 --> 00:21:23.560
I want someone whose life is guided by the word

353
00:21:23.560 --> 00:21:25.040
and the Holy Spirit.

354
00:21:25.040 --> 00:21:25.880
Okay.

355
00:21:26.320 --> 00:21:28.760
Mm, let's tweak that a little bit.

356
00:21:28.760 --> 00:21:29.600
Okay.

357
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:37.880
I am, I want somebody who is equally guided by their faith

358
00:21:39.100 --> 00:21:42.320
because you've just defined what it looks like for you.

359
00:21:43.360 --> 00:21:44.280
And you're gonna say,

360
00:21:44.280 --> 00:21:46.960
I'm looking for somebody who is equally

361
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:49.120
guided by their faith.

362
00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:50.080
Okay.

363
00:21:50.080 --> 00:21:53.340
Because again, it's back to that word and Holy Spirit.

364
00:21:53.780 --> 00:21:55.940
You may have a guy that is more,

365
00:21:55.940 --> 00:21:59.180
he is more connected to Jesus or God, the Father,

366
00:21:59.180 --> 00:22:00.300
and not the Holy Spirit,

367
00:22:00.300 --> 00:22:01.900
that doesn't count him out.

368
00:22:01.900 --> 00:22:04.360
And yet he may feel inadequate.

369
00:22:04.360 --> 00:22:06.680
Like Brian actually feels inadequate

370
00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:10.580
with the word against me because I just finished seminary,

371
00:22:10.580 --> 00:22:13.660
but he actually knows scripture better than me.

372
00:22:13.660 --> 00:22:14.980
Yeah.

373
00:22:14.980 --> 00:22:16.620
But if, you know what I'm saying?

374
00:22:16.620 --> 00:22:17.440
So.

375
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:18.280
Yeah, I understand.

376
00:22:18.280 --> 00:22:19.860
Cause I have a seminary degree.

377
00:22:19.860 --> 00:22:20.700
Yeah.

378
00:22:20.700 --> 00:22:22.020
So you're just looking for somebody

379
00:22:22.020 --> 00:22:24.660
who is, who's, who's, who's equal to that.

380
00:22:24.660 --> 00:22:25.860
Who can match that.

381
00:22:25.860 --> 00:22:27.760
Who's, who says I'm all in,

382
00:22:27.760 --> 00:22:29.460
I'm committed to following the Lord.

383
00:22:29.460 --> 00:22:30.300
Yeah.

384
00:22:30.300 --> 00:22:31.120
That's, that's what I'm looking for.

385
00:22:31.120 --> 00:22:31.960
Yeah.

386
00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:33.980
Cause you've defined what it is for you

387
00:22:33.980 --> 00:22:36.740
and you're looking for somebody who is equally,

388
00:22:36.740 --> 00:22:38.340
I'm looking for somebody who is equally

389
00:22:38.340 --> 00:22:40.220
and similarly guided by their faith.

390
00:22:40.220 --> 00:22:41.380
Yeah.

391
00:22:41.380 --> 00:22:42.200
Yeah.

392
00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:43.040
I like that.

393
00:22:43.040 --> 00:22:43.860
Yeah.

394
00:22:43.860 --> 00:22:45.700
And then I put, I'm really proud of who I've become

395
00:22:45.700 --> 00:22:47.340
and who I am continuing to grow into.

396
00:22:47.340 --> 00:22:50.100
I'm happy to share my story with my,

397
00:22:50.100 --> 00:22:51.900
with that person as we can continue

398
00:22:51.900 --> 00:22:53.820
to get to know one another.

399
00:22:53.820 --> 00:22:54.740
Yeah.

400
00:22:54.740 --> 00:22:55.580
Okay.

401
00:22:55.580 --> 00:22:58.580
I loved it until you said you were going to share your story.

402
00:22:58.580 --> 00:23:01.500
Um, so I guess what I was trying to.

403
00:23:01.500 --> 00:23:04.620
It's like saying, you know, on your resume,

404
00:23:04.620 --> 00:23:06.960
when you say references upon request,

405
00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:08.380
well, we already know your references

406
00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:09.460
are going to be on request.

407
00:23:09.460 --> 00:23:11.060
So we already know getting to,

408
00:23:11.060 --> 00:23:13.820
so tell me why you would put that on there.

409
00:23:13.820 --> 00:23:16.700
I guess what I was trying to communicate is I don't,

410
00:23:16.700 --> 00:23:19.540
I'm not planning to tell you all the details about how,

411
00:23:19.900 --> 00:23:23.180
how I got to where I am or why I'm single now.

412
00:23:23.180 --> 00:23:25.060
Like, I'm going to let that unfold

413
00:23:25.060 --> 00:23:26.820
as we get to know each other.

414
00:23:26.820 --> 00:23:28.380
I think you should let that,

415
00:23:28.380 --> 00:23:30.220
the fact that you want that,

416
00:23:30.220 --> 00:23:31.580
you don't want to have to state it

417
00:23:31.580 --> 00:23:33.980
because the second you said,

418
00:23:33.980 --> 00:23:35.940
I'll tell you the story as it unfolds.

419
00:23:35.940 --> 00:23:37.260
The first thing I went to is,

420
00:23:37.260 --> 00:23:39.420
ooh, I wonder what her story is.

421
00:23:40.940 --> 00:23:43.180
So just take out that last sentence.

422
00:23:43.180 --> 00:23:44.620
Just take out that last part of it.

423
00:23:44.620 --> 00:23:45.460
Okay.

424
00:23:46.380 --> 00:23:48.460
And then I just list hobbies that I'm into.

425
00:23:48.860 --> 00:23:50.300
Perfect.

426
00:23:50.300 --> 00:23:52.700
Some pictures of just me in those hobbies

427
00:23:52.700 --> 00:23:54.260
so they can see like a little snapshot

428
00:23:54.260 --> 00:23:56.980
of kind of some pictures of what life looks like for me

429
00:23:56.980 --> 00:23:59.900
that like, it's vibrant, it's doing these things.

430
00:23:59.900 --> 00:24:01.020
Yeah, perfect.

431
00:24:01.020 --> 00:24:03.420
I've listed like some of my green flags.

432
00:24:04.380 --> 00:24:06.180
Then I'm going to list,

433
00:24:06.180 --> 00:24:09.620
so just values, physical, emotional, and spiritual health,

434
00:24:09.620 --> 00:24:11.460
healthy communication skills,

435
00:24:11.460 --> 00:24:14.660
has a therapist and mentors in my life.

436
00:24:15.620 --> 00:24:19.180
Take out the has a therapist and a mentor.

437
00:24:19.180 --> 00:24:20.020
Okay.

438
00:24:22.660 --> 00:24:24.300
Again, we don't know what somebody else

439
00:24:24.300 --> 00:24:25.620
might think about that.

440
00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:28.220
Like, oh, she needs a therapist.

441
00:24:29.820 --> 00:24:30.860
Yeah.

442
00:24:30.860 --> 00:24:31.700
Yeah.

443
00:24:31.700 --> 00:24:32.860
I mean, cause you've already said

444
00:24:32.860 --> 00:24:33.900
that you've worked through stuff.

445
00:24:33.900 --> 00:24:36.900
So like, you've already proven to me

446
00:24:36.900 --> 00:24:38.900
that you're somebody that's works through stuff

447
00:24:38.900 --> 00:24:40.260
by what you said.

448
00:24:40.260 --> 00:24:41.100
Okay.

449
00:24:41.100 --> 00:24:42.420
And then I'm just going to list like qualities

450
00:24:42.620 --> 00:24:46.260
that like, I feel like just some general ones

451
00:24:46.260 --> 00:24:50.180
that I think my friends would all share about who I am.

452
00:24:50.180 --> 00:24:51.020
Great.

453
00:24:51.020 --> 00:24:51.860
I love it.

454
00:24:51.860 --> 00:24:52.820
And actually you could say what my friends

455
00:24:52.820 --> 00:24:54.060
would say about me.

456
00:24:54.060 --> 00:24:55.260
I like that.

457
00:24:55.260 --> 00:24:57.620
What would my friends say about me?

458
00:24:57.620 --> 00:24:59.300
So this way you're not saying it about yourself.

459
00:24:59.300 --> 00:25:00.660
What would my friends say?

460
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:00.840
say about me.

461
00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:05.520
And then this is the line that I might take out

462
00:25:05.520 --> 00:25:07.040
and I'd love your feedback on.

463
00:25:10.040 --> 00:25:11.960
You can expect clear communication,

464
00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:14.440
a yes if I'm interested and no if I'm not,

465
00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:16.680
I would hope for the same from you.

466
00:25:16.680 --> 00:25:17.840
I love that.

467
00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:19.400
Okay.

468
00:25:19.400 --> 00:25:21.560
I'm blunt, but I love that, so.

469
00:25:21.560 --> 00:25:22.400
Yeah.

470
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:24.500
And if you're kind of a direct person.

471
00:25:24.500 --> 00:25:25.860
I am.

472
00:25:25.860 --> 00:25:28.440
Then it won't offend the right person.

473
00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:29.280
Yeah.

474
00:25:29.280 --> 00:25:31.000
And then just, I put like what I'm looking for,

475
00:25:31.000 --> 00:25:32.620
a masculine marriage-minded man

476
00:25:32.620 --> 00:25:34.720
who's looking to date intentionally,

477
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:36.880
who wants to build a life and legacy,

478
00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:38.480
or a home as a place of peace,

479
00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:42.360
young adults are mentored and has lots of fun and laughter.

480
00:25:42.360 --> 00:25:43.800
And that's kind of like,

481
00:25:43.800 --> 00:25:45.800
this is the type of guy I'm looking for.

482
00:25:46.760 --> 00:25:47.600
Okay.

483
00:25:47.600 --> 00:25:48.420
So,

484
00:25:49.980 --> 00:25:50.820
it's interesting,

485
00:25:50.820 --> 00:25:52.160
because you know how a lot of you guys

486
00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:55.400
posted your dating resumes with the Christmas card

487
00:25:55.400 --> 00:25:57.240
and the Valentine's Day thing.

488
00:25:57.240 --> 00:25:59.320
And I shared a few of them.

489
00:25:59.320 --> 00:26:01.640
Here's what a few people said to me.

490
00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:04.640
Wow, that's a lot.

491
00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:08.280
They're looking for a lot.

492
00:26:08.280 --> 00:26:09.400
And so,

493
00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:13.900
I would make sure that you post it on the Facebook page

494
00:26:13.900 --> 00:26:16.080
so we can see it in its totality.

495
00:26:16.080 --> 00:26:18.440
So you want to make sure,

496
00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:22.020
you want to make sure you're not asking for like,

497
00:26:22.020 --> 00:26:22.960
the world.

498
00:26:24.200 --> 00:26:25.320
You're not expecting the world.

499
00:26:25.320 --> 00:26:27.720
And you want to make sure that what you said over here

500
00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:29.020
about what you're looking for,

501
00:26:29.020 --> 00:26:30.900
you don't reiterate over here.

502
00:26:33.240 --> 00:26:34.080
Do you know what I'm saying?

503
00:26:34.080 --> 00:26:35.400
Like, if you've already said over here,

504
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:37.600
you want a guy who's going to match your faith,

505
00:26:37.600 --> 00:26:40.200
then you don't need to bring it up over here.

506
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:42.920
So just make sure in each of your sections,

507
00:26:42.920 --> 00:26:45.200
you're sharing different things.

508
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:48.800
I also don't think that the dating resume needs to have,

509
00:26:48.800 --> 00:26:51.720
you know how like Amanda just shared her preference list?

510
00:26:51.720 --> 00:26:54.600
She would not put that list on her dating profile.

511
00:26:54.640 --> 00:26:56.800
So just keep it about me on my dating resume.

512
00:26:56.800 --> 00:26:59.080
Well, and you can keep it about you,

513
00:26:59.080 --> 00:27:00.920
but if you're going to pick a few things

514
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:04.320
that are your deal breakers that you're looking for,

515
00:27:04.320 --> 00:27:07.040
that, you know, I want somebody who's got a growth,

516
00:27:07.040 --> 00:27:08.640
like some of those,

517
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:11.280
all of those that you had on there were great.

518
00:27:11.280 --> 00:27:14.000
I'm just saying, you might want to narrow the list.

519
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.800
Okay, like growth minded.

520
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:18.800
Something that's going to be fun.

521
00:27:18.800 --> 00:27:19.640
Something that-

522
00:27:19.640 --> 00:27:21.040
Enjoys being physically fit.

523
00:27:21.040 --> 00:27:24.560
Yes, like picks one from each of the categories,

524
00:27:24.560 --> 00:27:27.360
like something that speaks to his physical fitness,

525
00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:29.120
something that speaks to his faith,

526
00:27:29.120 --> 00:27:30.280
something that speaks to him,

527
00:27:30.280 --> 00:27:35.080
he's got a future like marriage legacy mindset.

528
00:27:35.080 --> 00:27:38.320
Like pick one from each of those categories.

529
00:27:38.320 --> 00:27:41.040
So he doesn't just see this list and he's like,

530
00:27:41.040 --> 00:27:42.400
there's no way I'm that guy.

531
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:43.920
Yeah, yeah.

532
00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:45.720
How many hoops am I going to have to jump through?

533
00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:47.840
Right, right.

534
00:27:47.840 --> 00:27:49.800
So, and that's good for all of you guys.

535
00:27:49.800 --> 00:27:52.280
Think about that on your dating profiles,

536
00:27:52.280 --> 00:27:55.560
your dating resumes, when you're letting your friends know,

537
00:27:55.560 --> 00:27:58.480
you want to pick the highlights about you

538
00:27:58.480 --> 00:28:00.720
and the highlights of what you're looking for.

539
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.960
You're not giving people your entire deal breaker list

540
00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:05.880
and your entire preference list.

541
00:28:05.880 --> 00:28:07.480
That will just be overwhelming to people.

542
00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:08.880
Yeah, yeah.

543
00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:09.920
No, this is really helpful.

544
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:10.760
Thank you.

545
00:28:10.760 --> 00:28:12.440
No, I can't wait to see it.

546
00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:13.600
And photos,

547
00:28:13.600 --> 00:28:16.080
cause I just helped somebody else with their photos.

548
00:28:16.080 --> 00:28:18.800
You want to make sure you are smiling.

549
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:21.600
If that's the person you're projecting,

550
00:28:21.600 --> 00:28:22.920
that's what you want to project.

551
00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:26.640
You want to make sure those are crisp, clear photos.

552
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:28.400
If you're going to be in a group photo

553
00:28:28.400 --> 00:28:30.400
and you really want that photo,

554
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:34.240
and it's not obvious that you are you,

555
00:28:34.240 --> 00:28:37.480
make sure you add a little arrow that points to you

556
00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:39.600
and make sure you're the hottest one in the group.

557
00:28:39.600 --> 00:28:41.840
So make sure you don't do a picture

558
00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:43.240
and everybody else is hotter than you.

559
00:28:43.240 --> 00:28:44.080
Don't do that.

560
00:28:45.520 --> 00:28:48.080
So the picture where your friends don't like,

561
00:28:48.080 --> 00:28:49.760
it wasn't a good angle for your friends,

562
00:28:49.760 --> 00:28:51.000
but it was a good angle for you.

563
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:53.760
That's the picture you put in there.

564
00:28:53.760 --> 00:28:54.600
Just kidding.

565
00:28:54.600 --> 00:28:55.440
All right, Elizabeth.

566
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.360
I can't wait to see it.

567
00:28:58.080 --> 00:28:59.600
Okay, Tammy, you're up.

568
00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:04.200
Where'd you go, Tammy?

569
00:29:06.840 --> 00:29:07.840
Can't unmute.

570
00:29:07.840 --> 00:29:08.760
Finally, I'm muted.

571
00:29:08.760 --> 00:29:10.320
Jeez.

572
00:29:10.320 --> 00:29:11.880
I was going to find the button.

573
00:29:13.120 --> 00:29:15.880
Yeah, I keep encountering these guys

574
00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:19.760
that like me first or act like they're all interested,

575
00:29:19.760 --> 00:29:22.200
and then they suddenly just stop responding

576
00:29:22.200 --> 00:29:26.760
or they start doing these hi and real short little comments

577
00:29:26.760 --> 00:29:28.680
like they're not even starting a conversation.

578
00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:29.960
I mean, they liked me first.

579
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:31.600
What's the deal?

580
00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:35.640
I mean, how do I get them to keep responding or something?

581
00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:38.600
Here's what people do.

582
00:29:38.600 --> 00:29:41.440
And when they're looking at some photos,

583
00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:42.920
especially Facebook, you guys,

584
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:45.280
because you can't go to the next one

585
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:48.240
without deciding about the first one.

586
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:49.600
You can't say yes.

587
00:29:49.600 --> 00:29:51.920
You can't just skip it.

588
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:53.720
You have to decide yes or no.

589
00:29:53.720 --> 00:29:55.440
So this is what I've been told.

590
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:57.280
And men, I've got Kenton right in front of me.

591
00:29:57.280 --> 00:29:58.840
Y'all can tell me if I'm wrong.

592
00:29:58.840 --> 00:30:00.240
This is what men have said.

593
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.000
They do. Hot, not hot, hot, not hot.

594
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:07.800
Like they just they're that's how fast they're deciding yes, no.

595
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:10.920
They're actually not deciding

596
00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:13.120
if they actually want to have a conversation with you yet.

597
00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:14.440
They're not going that far.

598
00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:16.720
Some are. Some of the really intentional ones are.

599
00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:19.000
Some of the really intentional ones are.

600
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:21.480
So when a guy likes me,

601
00:30:22.320 --> 00:30:24.600
I would then like them back,

602
00:30:25.120 --> 00:30:28.400
but then I would wait for them to initiate conversation.

603
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:30.840
I would not initiate conversation.

604
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:32.480
I was on Bumble.

605
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:36.240
I would say, hey, it looks like we both liked each other.

606
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.520
Go ahead and look at my profile.

607
00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:41.080
If you still want to talk, I'm game.

608
00:30:41.600 --> 00:30:44.560
So in a way, I still lobby the ball back in their court.

609
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:48.840
And if they don't like respond to me, I move it along.

610
00:30:49.160 --> 00:30:52.960
If all I get is just a few hey, hey, hey's and it doesn't go anywhere.

611
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.600
I usually say, hey, I'm looking to only date in real life.

612
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:00.840
So unless this is going to move to an actual live video conversation

613
00:31:00.840 --> 00:31:03.520
or in-person date, I'm just going to wish you well.

614
00:31:04.560 --> 00:31:08.680
And I promise you, Tammy, plenty of men did that to me. Plenty.

615
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:11.120
Now, if that's all you're getting.

616
00:31:12.120 --> 00:31:14.600
Then I need you to put your profile

617
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:19.040
on the Facebook page or the app so we can walk through with you

618
00:31:19.320 --> 00:31:23.520
to see what you might be attracting that's not getting somebody

619
00:31:24.280 --> 00:31:27.120
who's actually wanting to start a conversation with you.

620
00:31:29.320 --> 00:31:30.000
Does that mean?

621
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:33.440
So, yeah, sometimes I see guys will say things like that in their profile

622
00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:37.200
and they'll like me, will like each other back

623
00:31:37.520 --> 00:31:39.560
and we'll start a brief little chat.

624
00:31:39.560 --> 00:31:42.800
But then in the next couple of days, it just like fizzles out.

625
00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:45.320
And I don't know, am I supposed to wait for them to respond?

626
00:31:45.320 --> 00:31:50.000
Or I feel like just being real blunt, like some of them are in their profiles

627
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.440
and saying, hey, like you just said, you know, I'm here for in-person dates.

628
00:31:54.440 --> 00:31:56.000
But I was afraid to be that blunt.

629
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:57.240
Also, I didn't want to be.

630
00:31:57.240 --> 00:31:58.920
I mean, you don't lose.

631
00:31:58.920 --> 00:32:02.520
I mean, I think you don't want to be rude, but like, hey, you know what?

632
00:32:02.520 --> 00:32:07.040
I just wanted to let you know that for me, I'm using this platform

633
00:32:07.040 --> 00:32:08.440
to meet people in real life.

634
00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:10.680
I'm not sure where you're at in your dating story,

635
00:32:10.680 --> 00:32:12.600
but I'm looking to meet people in real life.

636
00:32:12.600 --> 00:32:17.080
If you don't think you want to move to a video chat or an in-person date,

637
00:32:17.080 --> 00:32:18.400
I wish you the very best.

638
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:21.880
And then I just stop conversation with them and I move it along.

639
00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:26.200
If that's all you're getting, though, and you're not getting anybody

640
00:32:26.200 --> 00:32:29.760
that wants to book a video date with you, that's where I'm going to ask you

641
00:32:29.760 --> 00:32:33.760
to be brave and show us what's in your photos and in your profile

642
00:32:34.040 --> 00:32:36.880
so we can help see if there's anything we can tweak

643
00:32:37.720 --> 00:32:39.800
to attract different kinds of men.

644
00:32:39.800 --> 00:32:41.800
Now, I don't get all that.

645
00:32:41.800 --> 00:32:45.680
I just get a lot of that because I go on and look at like some guys first

646
00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:48.760
to someone overwhelming myself with that.

647
00:32:48.760 --> 00:32:50.440
And I don't know who might be.

648
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:54.520
I mean, I just I can only handle talking to so many people at one time.

649
00:32:54.520 --> 00:33:00.000
So I only focused on people who liked me back and initiated conversation.

650
00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:04.120
There were a few times I initiated a conversation and it never worked for me.

651
00:33:04.120 --> 00:33:06.560
So I'm a data pool of one.

652
00:33:06.560 --> 00:33:09.600
But I actually went out on live dates with men

653
00:33:09.600 --> 00:33:11.560
who actually initiated a conversation with me.

654
00:33:11.560 --> 00:33:13.680
So I just learned to just wait.

655
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:15.960
And if I didn't hear from them, then chances were

656
00:33:16.840 --> 00:33:19.280
it wasn't that interested or something else.

657
00:33:19.560 --> 00:33:21.560
Remember, we're in a swipe world, you guys.

658
00:33:21.960 --> 00:33:23.800
There are going to be inundated.

659
00:33:23.800 --> 00:33:25.240
Somebody else is going to catch third.

660
00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:28.560
If somebody else catches their attention, then we just move it along.

661
00:33:28.560 --> 00:33:31.720
So I would say, are you getting to video dates?

662
00:33:33.480 --> 00:33:36.640
Me, yes, or live down.

663
00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:37.680
Well, I did.

664
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:39.480
Funny story, but it's too long to tell here.

665
00:33:39.480 --> 00:33:43.280
I'll post in the group, but yeah, I have one guy that's like

666
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:44.800
oh, my goodness.

667
00:33:44.800 --> 00:33:46.640
I'm just saying I'm just saying, Tammy, if you're.

668
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.440
Oh, yeah, he wants to date with me, but I'm not sure it's for the right reason.

669
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:50.360
Let's put it that way.

670
00:33:50.360 --> 00:33:51.800
Well, then there's a Christian.

671
00:33:51.800 --> 00:33:53.320
He's a gentleman, blah, blah, blah.

672
00:33:53.320 --> 00:33:54.960
And then that's weird like that.

673
00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:57.280
He's politically conservative, he says.

674
00:33:57.280 --> 00:33:58.680
But he wants to.

675
00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:03.040
He knows in 15 minutes to know if he can have a future with you or not, he says.

676
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:07.200
It sounded to me like infatuation or leading with hormones or something.

677
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:09.199
We discussed this back and forth.

678
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:12.560
Sorry. Was this only by text or was this in a phone call or video?

679
00:34:12.560 --> 00:34:17.560
This is a long text, long, thoughtful responses, which I do appreciate.

680
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:22.480
But so remember, it's kind of hard for me to date on Friday night.

681
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:25.320
This is exactly kind of a conflict.

682
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:27.840
OK, let's get together any day.

683
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:32.600
OK, so this is why I don't like long texting conversations right here,

684
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:38.120
because I don't like when you guys say long, thoughtful conversations.

685
00:34:38.120 --> 00:34:41.840
You can have a couple, but if you're not sure what their intentions are,

686
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:43.719
that's why you need to be on camera with them.

687
00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:45.639
That's why you need to be in person with them, because.

688
00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:47.679
Well, it worked out well, though.

689
00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:49.960
I'm glad I didn't meet with them when I was going to.

690
00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:51.639
But so that's the thing.

691
00:34:51.639 --> 00:34:56.320
So if you want to change the kind of men that are getting on the call with you

692
00:34:56.320 --> 00:35:00.040
or on a in-person date with you, post your profile.

693
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.400
let us help you through it then. Okay? I'll probably need to update it again because my

694
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:09.200
opinions of things that I shouldn't say have kind of changed a bit. I need to look at it again

695
00:35:09.200 --> 00:35:14.080
anyway. Perfect. Perfect. And put it in the group and we'll help you out. Yeah. Okay. The other

696
00:35:14.080 --> 00:35:18.080
thing is, do you think, because I have a wig that I just got that I'm not used to yet because my

697
00:35:18.080 --> 00:35:24.080
hair is really thin. So, um, do you want, I have my profile picture of me with my wig on for a

698
00:35:24.080 --> 00:35:28.160
minute, but I'm not used to it yet. So if I wear it for a long time, it starts itching me. They

699
00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:34.320
think I'll have dandruff. So, um, I would say whenever you mentioned that when I'm going to

700
00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:38.960
date with somebody before the date, should I mention that or should I just not? Okay. Yeah.

701
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:48.080
Women wearing wigs and men wearing toupees is a very personal thing. So whatever you are going

702
00:35:48.080 --> 00:35:55.280
to show up as a dating person, that's how you need to present on your photos. So my sister

703
00:35:55.280 --> 00:36:01.360
wears wigs now. She like, she decided I don't want to deal with my gray hair. My hairs gets

704
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:06.240
too frizzy in the bad weather. And you know what? She like rocks like 12 different wigs.

705
00:36:06.240 --> 00:36:10.400
Wow. She don't care. Cause she's like, her hair always looks amazing. And she gets compliments

706
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:15.360
wherever she goes. And she's like, Oh, thank you. While my hair gets all frizzy. But so she would

707
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:21.520
not post profile photos of her without her wigs, but she also would not tell people on a date that

708
00:36:21.520 --> 00:36:28.640
she's wearing a wig either. So I felt that's a private thing that it's like somebody saying,

709
00:36:28.640 --> 00:36:34.160
well, these are implants. I just want to do that. So however, you're going to show up on dates

710
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:40.160
is how you want to present in your photos. And that's, that's true for everybody. Okay. Nora,

711
00:36:40.160 --> 00:36:50.800
you're up. Hello. Um, I, I have a dating scenario question. Is that okay to ask? Or is that like

712
00:36:50.800 --> 00:37:00.320
off topic? Okay. Okay. Okay. Just checking. So, um, yeah, I, I had this situation come up. Um,

713
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:05.120
so I've been posting on Tik TOK a lot, um, just about like different things in my life, like

714
00:37:05.120 --> 00:37:08.400
food reviews and all this stuff. And I've been having a lot of fun with it. And like,

715
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:13.920
just by proxy of, you know, chasing my passion, I've been like connecting with other people that

716
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:20.160
are like similar minded, which is really cool. And so there's this one guy that I, um, connected

717
00:37:20.160 --> 00:37:25.120
with randomly. He's a guy that posts about like hiking. He just like loves to go outside and he

718
00:37:25.120 --> 00:37:30.240
hikes and stuff. And so, um, we started following each other and like, I saw that he was posting a

719
00:37:30.240 --> 00:37:34.240
group hike. So I'm going to go on that, but yeah, he started being a little bit like flirty with me.

720
00:37:34.240 --> 00:37:38.320
And so at first I was like, Oh, I don't know if he likes me or I don't know if he's interested or

721
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:42.720
what, but he like liked to post that I had put about, um, wearing my I'm single hat and like

722
00:37:42.720 --> 00:37:47.600
talking about loving Jesus. So it was like, okay, potential, you know, friend, but it could

723
00:37:47.600 --> 00:37:52.240
potentially be like, I don't, he might be interested. Like he commented, like, I'll keep

724
00:37:52.240 --> 00:37:56.720
an eye out for you or something. Um, anyways, so yeah, we've been messaging a little bit. And he

725
00:37:56.720 --> 00:38:04.400
was like, you know, I can't wait to meet you. Um, and so yeah, and, and then he, um, and I was sort

726
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:08.720
of not like, I was just trying to play be chill. Like, okay, maybe, maybe he's interested. Maybe

727
00:38:08.720 --> 00:38:12.720
he's a friend, like either way, I'm just excited to like, get out there and meet people. Um, but

728
00:38:12.720 --> 00:38:18.720
then he messaged me today and was like, asking if I wanted to hang out afterwards. And so like,

729
00:38:18.720 --> 00:38:22.720
I think he wanted to like, go stand up paddleboarding or something. So I said,

730
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:30.000
I think that's intentional. Yeah. Yeah. I think stuff, flirting, doing group thing.

731
00:38:30.720 --> 00:38:37.840
It could go either way. It could be, I think if somebody is trying to book private time with you,

732
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:43.920
I feel like that's him trying to say, Hey, I'd like to say now remember that private time is

733
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:49.760
still discovery. Yeah. You guys might hang out one-on-one and go, oh my gosh, we don't align

734
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:57.200
on other things or whatever. Yeah. But I would go. Yeah. Okay. I totally agree. And I, yes,

735
00:38:57.200 --> 00:39:00.960
I appreciate that. And so I had a few questions about just that because it's out in the wild,

736
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:05.360
I don't have like his stats of like his age. Like a lot of times people think that I'm younger than

737
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:10.720
I am. And it's like, okay, I'm 37. Like, I don't know. And also his faith. I don't know if he's a

738
00:39:10.720 --> 00:39:15.200
Christian, even though he likes stuff that I posted like comments that I made about my faith. So I'm

739
00:39:15.200 --> 00:39:21.760
curious about that. And also I was like looking a little bit more on his page and I think he might

740
00:39:21.760 --> 00:39:26.240
be like living off the grid. I don't know, but I'm sort of like, I think I just started getting

741
00:39:26.240 --> 00:39:30.240
in my head a little bit of like, is this guy like, does he have a house? Like, is he homeless?

742
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:36.400
I don't know. Like he seems cool. They call it unhoused now. Oh, sorry. I'm totally messing

743
00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:42.560
with you. I mean, here is the, here is the downside of meeting somebody in the wild.

744
00:39:42.560 --> 00:39:50.400
We have no idea where they are in their singleness and what desire is. So after spending some time

745
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:58.000
with him, say he asks to do something again. Yeah. This is where I see I'm a Yankee. I would

746
00:39:58.000 --> 00:39:59.920
be super blunt because I have been on.

747
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.120
I've been on what I thought were dates.

748
00:40:02.120 --> 00:40:03.920
Like there was this guy years ago.

749
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:05.920
He took me out to like happy hour.

750
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:07.360
Like, it was just like this third time.

751
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:09.160
We actually paddle boarded.

752
00:40:09.160 --> 00:40:11.560
And then we did things together.

753
00:40:11.560 --> 00:40:14.120
And then during our third, what I thought was a date,

754
00:40:14.120 --> 00:40:15.800
he told me about his girlfriend.

755
00:40:17.080 --> 00:40:17.920
And I was like,

756
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:18.760
what?

757
00:40:18.760 --> 00:40:20.160
I said, wait, I'm sorry.

758
00:40:20.160 --> 00:40:20.980
You have a girlfriend?

759
00:40:20.980 --> 00:40:21.820
He goes, yeah.

760
00:40:21.820 --> 00:40:23.720
I go, are we on a date?

761
00:40:23.720 --> 00:40:25.120
And he goes, oh no,

762
00:40:25.120 --> 00:40:26.820
I thought we were just friends hanging out.

763
00:40:26.820 --> 00:40:29.640
I'm like, no, I know.

764
00:40:29.680 --> 00:40:31.480
I'm like, I don't just hang out.

765
00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:33.040
Like, no.

766
00:40:33.040 --> 00:40:33.880
Yeah.

767
00:40:33.880 --> 00:40:36.600
And he was, anyway, we had a good laugh about it.

768
00:40:36.600 --> 00:40:39.740
So I have learned since then,

769
00:40:39.740 --> 00:40:42.420
if he asks you out a second time,

770
00:40:42.420 --> 00:40:44.000
it is okay to say like,

771
00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:47.360
hey, I just want to ask a clarifying question

772
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:49.240
and I'm okay with the answer.

773
00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:52.280
Like, I just want you to be completely honest.

774
00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:54.720
Like, are you just looking like,

775
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:56.280
obviously I'm single.

776
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:57.160
I don't know if you're,

777
00:40:57.160 --> 00:40:59.000
I'm assuming you're single too.

778
00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:00.440
I'm in a season of my life

779
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:03.320
where I'm looking to date with intention.

780
00:41:03.320 --> 00:41:08.320
And I really don't prefer to hang out one-on-one with men

781
00:41:08.400 --> 00:41:11.400
unless it's in a pursuing dating situation.

782
00:41:11.400 --> 00:41:15.300
Like, I don't mind being pals with guys,

783
00:41:15.300 --> 00:41:17.120
doing a group thing,

784
00:41:17.120 --> 00:41:21.060
but I'm not going to create one-on-one friendships with men

785
00:41:21.060 --> 00:41:23.800
while I'm in a season of pursuing dating.

786
00:41:25.520 --> 00:41:26.840
And then this way, if he says,

787
00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:28.360
oh no, I think we're just friends.

788
00:41:28.720 --> 00:41:29.680
You're like, okay, no problem.

789
00:41:29.680 --> 00:41:33.800
Then I'm just going to want to hang out with you in a group.

790
00:41:33.800 --> 00:41:36.400
Or you find out, he's like, well, actually I thought this,

791
00:41:36.400 --> 00:41:38.440
and he might say, well, I thought this was a date.

792
00:41:38.440 --> 00:41:39.280
Awesome.

793
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:41.040
I was hoping that you would say that.

794
00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:44.440
Now I'm saying yes to the second date.

795
00:41:44.440 --> 00:41:48.600
So I will say, you guys, sometimes we don't want to,

796
00:41:48.600 --> 00:41:51.120
like, it's all how you,

797
00:41:51.120 --> 00:41:54.680
if you say it with the right tone and inflection

798
00:41:54.680 --> 00:41:57.400
and like, it's letting people off the hook,

799
00:41:57.400 --> 00:42:00.200
but it saves you so much confusion of wondering,

800
00:42:00.200 --> 00:42:01.800
am I on a date or not on a date?

801
00:42:01.800 --> 00:42:03.040
And I hate to tell you this,

802
00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:05.560
we used to know if we were on dates before,

803
00:42:05.560 --> 00:42:07.880
but like, now there's like hanging out

804
00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:12.420
and there's like, you know, I mean, yeah, we won't go there,

805
00:42:12.420 --> 00:42:15.760
but anyway, you got it, Dora, keep us posted.

806
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:16.720
Thank you.

807
00:42:16.720 --> 00:42:17.680
Okay, Lydia.

808
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:20.560
Hello.

809
00:42:20.560 --> 00:42:21.520
Hi.

810
00:42:21.520 --> 00:42:23.240
Okay, I just have a quick question

811
00:42:23.240 --> 00:42:26.080
and it's just because I've come across this here and there.

812
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:29.000
Obviously at some point in level two,

813
00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:31.200
you want to bring someone in front of your community

814
00:42:31.200 --> 00:42:34.280
and just put other people's eyes on them.

815
00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:36.400
And something I've come across is sometimes these guys,

816
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:39.680
their availability would never allow for that,

817
00:42:40.720 --> 00:42:42.120
just like in their schedule.

818
00:42:44.040 --> 00:42:46.720
Well, how are they having time for you then?

819
00:42:46.720 --> 00:42:48.440
Right, and that's, it's something that comes up,

820
00:42:48.440 --> 00:42:51.360
like I get to the first date and it's like, is this your,

821
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:54.120
like, I ask, is this your schedule all the time?

822
00:42:54.120 --> 00:42:56.200
Because I don't see how this is sustainable

823
00:42:56.200 --> 00:42:57.240
in the long run.

824
00:42:57.240 --> 00:42:59.520
Yeah, so are you having that problem

825
00:42:59.520 --> 00:43:02.200
even on a second and third date with just you

826
00:43:02.200 --> 00:43:03.840
or are you having this problem

827
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:06.280
when you mentioned hanging out with other people?

828
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:10.600
It's more like when I'm on the date with them,

829
00:43:10.600 --> 00:43:13.480
like, because it's like to get to the first date,

830
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:15.720
sometimes they're like, okay, here's my schedule.

831
00:43:15.720 --> 00:43:17.720
And I'm like, is that their schedule all the time?

832
00:43:17.720 --> 00:43:20.000
So, you know, I end up asking them about that.

833
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:21.000
It's, you know what?

834
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:26.000
I think people sometimes really wanna be in a relationship,

835
00:43:27.480 --> 00:43:31.360
but they don't realize that it takes time and energy

836
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:32.960
to date somebody.

837
00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:35.400
So it's like, they want the boyfriend or the girlfriend,

838
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:36.840
but they don't wanna do the work

839
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:39.160
to get to the boyfriend or girlfriend.

840
00:43:39.160 --> 00:43:41.680
And so sometimes, you know, it is,

841
00:43:41.680 --> 00:43:44.560
I think it's okay to say, hey,

842
00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:47.320
it seems like it's becoming really difficult

843
00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:49.940
for us to schedule time together.

844
00:43:49.940 --> 00:43:53.240
Do you really have capacity to date somebody?

845
00:43:53.240 --> 00:43:55.740
Because I'm in a season of life

846
00:43:55.740 --> 00:43:58.620
where I'm actually intentionally making time to date.

847
00:43:58.620 --> 00:44:01.020
I certainly don't need to see you every single day,

848
00:44:01.020 --> 00:44:03.300
but I wanna make sure that you're in a season of life

849
00:44:03.300 --> 00:44:06.380
where you're making time and you have time to date.

850
00:44:06.380 --> 00:44:10.420
Now, if they say to you, yes, I'm making intention in time,

851
00:44:10.420 --> 00:44:12.460
then you kind of have to trust them on that

852
00:44:12.460 --> 00:44:15.940
and see how close those dates are getting lined up.

853
00:44:15.940 --> 00:44:18.700
You really don't wanna bring in your posse

854
00:44:18.700 --> 00:44:19.900
to go on dates with you.

855
00:44:20.740 --> 00:44:23.180
I would say get past at least four dates with somebody

856
00:44:23.180 --> 00:44:25.700
before you start bringing in other couples.

857
00:44:25.700 --> 00:44:27.380
It was just kind of the forethought of like,

858
00:44:27.380 --> 00:44:29.880
if you're only available on this day and this day,

859
00:44:29.880 --> 00:44:32.240
I'm never gonna be able to bring you in front of people

860
00:44:32.240 --> 00:44:34.700
that I know, just, you know.

861
00:44:34.700 --> 00:44:37.500
Well, what days would they be available?

862
00:44:37.500 --> 00:44:40.820
It was like Monday evening and Thursday evening.

863
00:44:40.820 --> 00:44:43.260
Okay, so he was never gonna have a Friday

864
00:44:43.260 --> 00:44:45.260
or Saturday night date with you?

865
00:44:45.260 --> 00:44:48.460
Oh, because shared parenting situation.

866
00:44:49.300 --> 00:44:50.140
Why?

867
00:44:50.140 --> 00:44:51.940
So he has the kids every weekend?

868
00:44:51.940 --> 00:44:53.600
He has his son every weekend.

869
00:44:55.540 --> 00:44:56.460
So that's where I was like,

870
00:44:56.460 --> 00:44:59.060
I don't know if that would be sustainable long run.

871
00:44:59.060 --> 00:45:00.460
Well, that, I mean, that's.

872
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.780
your decision, right? Like, do you want to date somebody that you're never going to get

873
00:45:04.780 --> 00:45:10.900
to see on the weekends? No. I mean, and that's, that would be hard for me too, because a lot

874
00:45:10.900 --> 00:45:17.060
of people, that's your most relaxing time. Right. So I think that's okay to say, you

875
00:45:17.060 --> 00:45:21.620
know what, I get that you've got kids, but you're telling me you don't have one weekend

876
00:45:21.620 --> 00:45:29.640
a month free. So I don't see how we would be able to progress in a dating relationship.

877
00:45:29.640 --> 00:45:34.760
So hopefully that's not happening to a lot. No, it's not a lot, but you know, here and

878
00:45:34.760 --> 00:45:40.920
there does come up. Is it, is it because of kids usually? Sometimes it's their work schedules

879
00:45:40.920 --> 00:45:47.360
really weird. Sometimes it's, it's all sorts of things. Well, again, I go with the, the,

880
00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:52.960
the phrase that Jackie always says, if he, Brian had three jobs when I met him and he

881
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:59.640
made, he made time and he lived three and a half hours away. So if he likes you, he

882
00:45:59.640 --> 00:46:06.360
will make time for you. No matter how crazy his schedule is. So you'll watch his behavior

883
00:46:06.360 --> 00:46:13.920
and his behavior will tell you the answer. So if he seems invested, if he seems intentional,

884
00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:19.520
give him a chance. But if he's telling you right up front, I'm never going to be available

885
00:46:19.640 --> 00:46:25.080
for weekends. That might be a deal breaker for you. And that's okay. If it is like you're

886
00:46:25.080 --> 00:46:30.960
not being selfish, right? Okay. That's kind of what, what I was leaning towards. Yeah.

887
00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:35.040
Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. It's fair. Okay. Angela.

888
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:44.480
Hi. I'm not really sure what I was going to ask you. Cause everything that's coming up,

889
00:46:45.040 --> 00:46:50.640
I'm like, Oh, maybe I should ask in that direction. So one of the problems I do get

890
00:46:51.280 --> 00:47:01.760
with the online dating is I get a lot of people who I try to be open to that I would move,

891
00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:08.720
but I'm in Texas and we're so far from everything, especially out of state. And I don't have that

892
00:47:08.720 --> 00:47:16.160
kind of schedule where I could travel to meet them. But I keep meeting people and I don't think

893
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:24.640
that they're actually real people. And it's happened a lot. Are you getting into video

894
00:47:24.640 --> 00:47:34.800
dates with them? Yes. I have some, some, and some I've struggled to get a video date, but

895
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:40.000
there's not much that happens after that. The ones that you're struggling to get a video date,

896
00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:44.480
I would, and they're not close enough to see you in person. I would just move it along.

897
00:47:45.600 --> 00:47:50.240
Can you change your parameters so that you're only getting somebody up to three hours away?

898
00:47:51.360 --> 00:47:57.440
I, I tried. Well, it's just a matter of not selecting them. And that's what I do.

899
00:47:58.080 --> 00:48:08.240
Um, cause, uh, I'm in the, I'm on the coast. So Houston is almost everything is like within three

900
00:48:08.240 --> 00:48:14.720
hours away. Yeah. So, I mean, if you would pick, you could keep your parameters at three hours

901
00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:21.760
and just not respond to anybody that's further away than that. Um, especially if you really

902
00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:26.800
want to date in real life, if you are only, if you are, have you in the last, I don't know how long

903
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:34.240
you've been doing it. Have you gotten on any quality dates? I have been on a couple of dates.

904
00:48:34.240 --> 00:48:46.000
Um, I have went on one that was two times with the same person and, um, I've, uh, one that I

905
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:52.160
thought was a good date, but, uh, we did not go any further. You, you know, he was a nice person,

906
00:48:52.160 --> 00:49:02.160
but I don't think we were the right for each other. Um, and, um, I had one where we had been

907
00:49:02.160 --> 00:49:08.800
talking on the phone for quite a bit and we finally met up, but then, uh, there was something

908
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:16.320
that was revealed to me, um, about him. And I said, no, I'm sorry. I can't do that anymore,

909
00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:20.160
but we did meet. I'm sorry. Can he tell you something about himself?

910
00:49:21.200 --> 00:49:28.720
Um, he was taking pictures of me without my permission. And I told him he needed to send my,

911
00:49:28.720 --> 00:49:35.600
send the pictures. And there were some, uh, pictures of him taking of my butt. And I'm like,

912
00:49:35.600 --> 00:49:41.120
I'm surprised you sent, he sent it. But I told him, I said, defend it. See, I love when things

913
00:49:41.120 --> 00:49:46.400
like that happen because the Holy spirit makes them be honest because really he should, he just

914
00:49:46.400 --> 00:49:52.880
outed himself with you. Yes. So, so if you feel like you're not getting, and I'll say the same

915
00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:58.720
thing to you that I said to Tammy, and this is for anybody. If you feel like you're only getting

916
00:49:58.720 --> 00:49:59.840
unhealthy people.

917
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.460
only getting scammers, only getting weirdos.

918
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:08.140
Then please put your profile photo and your bio on the page

919
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:12.040
and let us see if we can help you to see if something that you're saying

920
00:50:12.380 --> 00:50:16.740
or a look that you're doing is drawing

921
00:50:16.740 --> 00:50:20.240
an only unhealthy people because, well,

922
00:50:20.580 --> 00:50:24.420
there's something that you're saying or not, or the people that you're swiping on.

923
00:50:24.420 --> 00:50:26.460
We would be telling you, go, girl, run.

924
00:50:26.460 --> 00:50:28.820
What the hell were you doing, swiping on that guy?

925
00:50:28.840 --> 00:50:33.380
I've been trying to be very open on it because we're normally open.

926
00:50:33.380 --> 00:50:37.960
What do you mean by, well, like, even if I'm not that attracted to them,

927
00:50:37.960 --> 00:50:41.960
I try to read their profile and I might not be attracted to them.

928
00:50:43.460 --> 00:50:47.860
Physically, I don't try to,

929
00:50:48.260 --> 00:50:50.000
you know, swipe them away.

930
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:54.480
I try to make sure that I'm giving, you know, because I don't know.

931
00:50:55.580 --> 00:50:58.580
So, Angela, I want to make sure you're looking for character.

932
00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:01.380
You're not talking on the phone very long.

933
00:51:01.380 --> 00:51:03.580
You're not texting very long.

934
00:51:03.580 --> 00:51:07.580
You're moving right to a video date or a live date really quickly.

935
00:51:08.120 --> 00:51:10.120
I think that's what I'm not doing.

936
00:51:10.120 --> 00:51:13.200
I'm not. I think I might be talking too long.

937
00:51:14.100 --> 00:51:17.020
The ones that are local, we can meet up.

938
00:51:17.020 --> 00:51:20.760
I mean, one recently, he wanted to meet

939
00:51:20.760 --> 00:51:24.540
immediately, like coming over from Houston.

940
00:51:24.640 --> 00:51:27.440
And it threw me off

941
00:51:27.460 --> 00:51:32.400
because I was like, whoa, OK, I just want to find out first.

942
00:51:34.100 --> 00:51:36.000
But I was like, we should waste that time.

943
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:37.900
I will say I will tell you this.

944
00:51:37.900 --> 00:51:41.440
I got to the point where if men wanted to meet right away

945
00:51:41.900 --> 00:51:44.940
and they were willing to come to me, I would meet up at a coffee shop

946
00:51:44.940 --> 00:51:46.580
nearby during the day.

947
00:51:46.580 --> 00:51:48.780
I'm like, OK.

948
00:51:48.780 --> 00:51:53.020
Now, sometimes that backfires because they find out stuff about you

949
00:51:53.020 --> 00:51:54.880
and or you find out something about them.

950
00:51:54.900 --> 00:51:57.900
You're like, man, I would have cleared this up real fast in a phone call

951
00:51:57.900 --> 00:51:59.040
or a video date.

952
00:51:59.040 --> 00:52:01.140
Yeah. And that's what I was thinking.

953
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:04.000
I'd rather talk a little bit.

954
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:07.420
Because there are some men in certain age brackets

955
00:52:07.420 --> 00:52:09.720
that just feel really uncomfortable with the video.

956
00:52:09.980 --> 00:52:11.880
And they're like, man, I'm old school.

957
00:52:11.880 --> 00:52:15.560
I'd rather just meet you out for coffee or meet you out for a walk.

958
00:52:15.820 --> 00:52:19.960
And so then I'm like, OK, like if they're willing to come to me,

959
00:52:19.960 --> 00:52:22.500
make it easy for me that I'm going to pick something.

960
00:52:22.520 --> 00:52:25.320
I'm going to pick a place I like.

961
00:52:25.320 --> 00:52:27.260
I'm going to pick a thing I like to do.

962
00:52:27.260 --> 00:52:32.420
So even if the dates a bust, I still have a good experience.

963
00:52:32.420 --> 00:52:35.660
So that's going to be my encouragement to you, Angela, is

964
00:52:36.260 --> 00:52:40.360
get to videos or in live dates much more quickly.

965
00:52:41.360 --> 00:52:44.040
And if you're not getting enough quality,

966
00:52:45.040 --> 00:52:47.980
send us your profile and all your photos.

967
00:52:48.240 --> 00:52:51.280
And if we think it's all perfect, then what we might do is

968
00:52:51.280 --> 00:52:54.940
are asking you to send us screenshots of the guys that you're liking back.

969
00:52:54.940 --> 00:52:57.100
And we might be saying, sister, what are you doing?

970
00:52:58.600 --> 00:53:04.340
And so it's it's if you're consistently getting garbage, we need to help you.

971
00:53:05.080 --> 00:53:07.240
And so that's the only way we're going to be able to do it.

972
00:53:10.140 --> 00:53:12.240
Is it pretty? Is that how I say it?

973
00:53:14.180 --> 00:53:16.280
You're up, girl. Yeah, pretty.

974
00:53:16.280 --> 00:53:20.220
So I'm also a little confused about what I should ask you,

975
00:53:20.320 --> 00:53:24.900
but I'll go with the original question, which is you can ask me whatever you want.

976
00:53:25.500 --> 00:53:27.820
OK, so the list, the list.

977
00:53:28.020 --> 00:53:30.400
I'll talk to you. OK, you can give me a list.

978
00:53:31.300 --> 00:53:33.200
Because I am also in the same situation.

979
00:53:33.200 --> 00:53:35.860
I really haven't had an actual date since September.

980
00:53:37.660 --> 00:53:40.560
And so like I really like don't know what else I can do.

981
00:53:40.560 --> 00:53:42.360
So I will put my profile up.

982
00:53:42.360 --> 00:53:44.660
And then if I have some feedback, that would be great.

983
00:53:45.160 --> 00:53:52.600
So in terms of my criteria or my my list and like I've seen normally,

984
00:53:52.600 --> 00:53:55.360
like I've not even had a chance to discuss this with someone

985
00:53:55.360 --> 00:53:58.200
because it's not even like our conversations haven't even gone.

986
00:53:58.460 --> 00:54:01.700
Are you are you online? Is that where you're so you're online?

987
00:54:02.700 --> 00:54:03.960
Yeah, I'm trying everything.

988
00:54:03.960 --> 00:54:07.700
OK, so I do all my colleagues like if they know someone.

989
00:54:08.160 --> 00:54:11.960
OK, yeah. OK, so when you go online,

990
00:54:11.960 --> 00:54:15.100
how far into the process are you usually getting with men?

991
00:54:17.000 --> 00:54:21.800
I mean, so I'm mostly on Bumble, so like the women has the first move.

992
00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:24.800
Right. So like I'll introduce myself in a very fun, casual way.

993
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:26.900
I'm generally like fun and casual person.

994
00:54:26.900 --> 00:54:28.500
So that's not a problem.

995
00:54:28.500 --> 00:54:33.100
And then it doesn't really go anywhere much like they ask you, how was your week?

996
00:54:33.100 --> 00:54:33.900
How's your weekend?

997
00:54:33.900 --> 00:54:35.960
Like the weather is this, the weather is that.

998
00:54:35.960 --> 00:54:37.300
And that's kind of it.

999
00:54:37.300 --> 00:54:39.940
And then it kind of fizzles out.

1000
00:54:39.980 --> 00:54:43.740
I do like I do send them reminders like after a few days

1001
00:54:43.740 --> 00:54:47.320
and then I kind of see how they respond and if the response is.

1002
00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:49.240
OK, so I will not spend a remind.

1003
00:54:49.240 --> 00:54:52.040
OK, I would not send reminders.

1004
00:54:52.040 --> 00:54:55.520
OK, so here's how I think you should do Bumble.

1005
00:54:56.040 --> 00:54:58.020
Yeah, because it is you initiating.

1006
00:54:58.420 --> 00:54:59.980
Yeah. You know what I noticed?

1007
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.960
that we both matched each other.

1008
00:55:01.960 --> 00:55:04.360
Here's a little bit more about me.

1009
00:55:04.360 --> 00:55:06.360
Go ahead and check out my profile.

1010
00:55:06.360 --> 00:55:09.240
If you wanna keep talking, get back to me.

1011
00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:11.400
If not, I wish you the best.

1012
00:55:11.400 --> 00:55:12.240
Okay.

1013
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:14.680
Because I feel like that kind of forces them

1014
00:55:14.680 --> 00:55:16.800
just a little bit more to go,

1015
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:19.600
only contact me if you're interested.

1016
00:55:19.600 --> 00:55:23.720
And so if they only respond to your questions,

1017
00:55:23.720 --> 00:55:25.560
but they initiate nothing,

1018
00:55:25.560 --> 00:55:28.320
and they're not trying to drive the conversation,

1019
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:31.240
they're just being polite, let them move on.

1020
00:55:31.240 --> 00:55:32.640
Okay.

1021
00:55:32.640 --> 00:55:33.480
Yeah.

1022
00:55:33.480 --> 00:55:35.800
So if you're not getting past that,

1023
00:55:35.800 --> 00:55:38.600
send us your photos, let's see your bio,

1024
00:55:38.600 --> 00:55:40.040
because you're adorable and you're cute,

1025
00:55:40.040 --> 00:55:42.000
so you should be getting some dates.

1026
00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:46.040
Also be willing to do like that speed dating option

1027
00:55:46.040 --> 00:55:48.040
and or those group dinners,

1028
00:55:48.040 --> 00:55:49.800
because I could just tell you

1029
00:55:49.800 --> 00:55:51.920
have a really good energy about you,

1030
00:55:51.920 --> 00:55:54.240
you just need to get in front of men.

1031
00:55:54.240 --> 00:55:57.400
Like they, I can feel your energy even from this video.

1032
00:55:57.760 --> 00:55:58.600
Oh yeah, yeah.

1033
00:55:58.600 --> 00:56:00.320
I'm the golden retriever in people.

1034
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:02.520
You know, like I'm high energy.

1035
00:56:02.520 --> 00:56:03.720
Yeah.

1036
00:56:03.720 --> 00:56:04.560
Okay.

1037
00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:06.640
So do you wanna hear my list or no?

1038
00:56:06.640 --> 00:56:07.480
Oh yeah.

1039
00:56:07.480 --> 00:56:08.320
I'm sorry.

1040
00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:09.160
Forgive me.

1041
00:56:09.160 --> 00:56:10.000
Yes, I'm old.

1042
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:10.840
Give me the list.

1043
00:56:10.840 --> 00:56:11.680
Okay.

1044
00:56:11.680 --> 00:56:12.520
Okay.

1045
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:14.720
So the first on the list is like a believer.

1046
00:56:14.720 --> 00:56:16.200
And like by that, I mean,

1047
00:56:16.200 --> 00:56:19.000
I really do wanna have like a common expression

1048
00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:22.560
of daily faith and what that looks like.

1049
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:24.920
Kindness is really important to me

1050
00:56:24.920 --> 00:56:27.440
in terms of like how people,

1051
00:56:27.440 --> 00:56:29.600
like I'm in the business of people.

1052
00:56:29.600 --> 00:56:32.760
And so respecting, like it's my day job

1053
00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:34.720
to respect people and work for people.

1054
00:56:34.720 --> 00:56:37.440
So like, that's kind of really important for me.

1055
00:56:37.440 --> 00:56:38.880
Growth mindset.

1056
00:56:38.880 --> 00:56:40.840
And I mean, I cannot tell you,

1057
00:56:40.840 --> 00:56:43.160
and it's probably the experience of many people here,

1058
00:56:43.160 --> 00:56:44.680
but like I kind of struggle

1059
00:56:44.680 --> 00:56:48.280
because like I find men don't have any hobbies anymore.

1060
00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:50.920
Like they don't, you know, they don't have interests.

1061
00:56:50.920 --> 00:56:51.920
Like it's really,

1062
00:56:51.920 --> 00:56:54.320
because like I used to use this word ambitious before

1063
00:56:54.760 --> 00:56:56.080
and I kind of got some feedback

1064
00:56:56.080 --> 00:56:59.040
that it can be a little bit negative and aggressive.

1065
00:56:59.040 --> 00:57:01.640
And so like, I just find like growth mindset

1066
00:57:01.640 --> 00:57:03.480
is a little bit like growth in everything.

1067
00:57:03.480 --> 00:57:04.840
Yeah, I like growth mindset.

1068
00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:07.000
Here's the problem with hobbies, you guys,

1069
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:09.320
especially at certain ages,

1070
00:57:09.320 --> 00:57:11.800
people are working their butts off right now

1071
00:57:11.800 --> 00:57:13.280
and they're exhausted.

1072
00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:15.760
Like, you know, and now they're back in the office.

1073
00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:17.480
But reading a book, right?

1074
00:57:17.480 --> 00:57:19.000
Like, I mean, can be a hobby.

1075
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:20.600
And so, well, I know.

1076
00:57:20.600 --> 00:57:21.440
Okay.

1077
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:22.880
Here's my honest truth, you guys.

1078
00:57:22.880 --> 00:57:25.480
You know what I used to do for my hobbies?

1079
00:57:25.480 --> 00:57:28.560
I used to say things on there that I literally,

1080
00:57:28.560 --> 00:57:31.000
I would say things that I would love to do

1081
00:57:31.000 --> 00:57:33.800
that I was not making time to do at all.

1082
00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:36.400
I was running a nonprofit, working like a dog,

1083
00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:38.200
and I was active in my church.

1084
00:57:38.200 --> 00:57:39.600
I love to go to the beach.

1085
00:57:39.600 --> 00:57:41.120
I love to hike.

1086
00:57:41.120 --> 00:57:42.400
I love to go sailing.

1087
00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:44.160
I was doing none of that.

1088
00:57:44.160 --> 00:57:46.200
So I was a big fat liar.

1089
00:57:46.200 --> 00:57:47.560
And so, you know what I'm saying?

1090
00:57:47.560 --> 00:57:49.440
So if somebody says to you,

1091
00:57:49.440 --> 00:57:51.600
they're not sure what their hobbies are,

1092
00:57:51.640 --> 00:57:53.880
it might be because they're just stuck

1093
00:57:53.880 --> 00:57:57.200
in a season of their life where they're just getting,

1094
00:57:57.200 --> 00:57:58.040
you know what I'm saying?

1095
00:57:58.040 --> 00:58:02.680
So, but that's why I like the growth mindset.

1096
00:58:02.680 --> 00:58:04.000
And so you might want to, I mean,

1097
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.400
when you get to that point, you can ask questions like,

1098
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:09.520
okay, on vacation, what do you like to do?

1099
00:58:09.520 --> 00:58:11.680
What do you like to do on dates?

1100
00:58:11.680 --> 00:58:15.840
If you didn't have your job, what kind of things,

1101
00:58:15.840 --> 00:58:19.200
what kind of activities would you like to pick up?

1102
00:58:19.600 --> 00:58:22.240
Because people are just so worn out right now.

1103
00:58:22.240 --> 00:58:24.240
And I don't know about y'all, but-

1104
00:58:24.240 --> 00:58:27.240
I asked them like what brings them joy?

1105
00:58:27.240 --> 00:58:29.080
Because I feel like that could be

1106
00:58:29.080 --> 00:58:30.840
like eating their favorite food.

1107
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:34.280
Or like, you know-

1108
00:58:34.280 --> 00:58:36.880
Just keep, when you're texting,

1109
00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:38.320
keep the questions really simple.

1110
00:58:38.320 --> 00:58:40.520
Oh yeah, this is not for, yeah,

1111
00:58:40.520 --> 00:58:43.600
I don't have any of these questions for texting normally.

1112
00:58:43.600 --> 00:58:44.440
Yeah.

1113
00:58:44.440 --> 00:58:45.280
I can't talk through these.

1114
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:47.560
Well, and you guys, even that though,

1115
00:58:47.560 --> 00:58:50.320
like what brings you joy?

1116
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:51.520
That's a really big,

1117
00:58:51.520 --> 00:58:54.120
do you guys realize how big that question is?

1118
00:58:54.120 --> 00:58:58.080
Like I'm sitting here going, what brings Renee joy?

1119
00:58:58.080 --> 00:59:00.120
Like if I'm in a weird season in my life,

1120
00:59:00.120 --> 00:59:01.360
I'm like, I don't know.

1121
00:59:01.360 --> 00:59:03.480
I don't know if anything's bringing me joy right now.

1122
00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:04.680
Like that's my honest answer.

1123
00:59:04.680 --> 00:59:05.560
You know what I'm saying?

1124
00:59:05.560 --> 00:59:08.640
Like we want to be, like all those dating questions,

1125
00:59:08.640 --> 00:59:11.160
like if you guys go back to all the single spotlights

1126
00:59:11.160 --> 00:59:14.480
I used to do that are in the archives,

1127
00:59:14.480 --> 00:59:16.600
like all those fun, silly questions,

1128
00:59:16.600 --> 00:59:19.960
those are the kind of questions you want to be asking

1129
00:59:19.960 --> 00:59:21.920
in the first few dates.

1130
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:25.080
And so if they seem stuck on a question

1131
00:59:25.080 --> 00:59:27.400
like what brings you joy,

1132
00:59:27.400 --> 00:59:30.640
then go like dumb it down a little bit further.

1133
00:59:30.640 --> 00:59:34.280
Like, okay, so would you rather play baseball

1134
00:59:34.280 --> 00:59:35.440
or go play tennis?

1135
00:59:35.440 --> 00:59:37.560
Would you rather get out a board game

1136
00:59:37.560 --> 00:59:42.560
or would you rather, you know, go like help them?

1137
00:59:42.600 --> 00:59:45.040
Because sometimes like, even if you said to me,

1138
00:59:45.040 --> 00:59:46.440
Renee, what's your favorite meal?

1139
00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:48.400
I don't know, I like 5,000 meals.

1140
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:50.040
I can't pick one.

1141
00:59:50.040 --> 00:59:52.760
Like, I'm just like, I like food, all of it.

1142
00:59:52.760 --> 00:59:55.600
And so just make sure we're not,

1143
00:59:55.600 --> 00:59:57.960
I mean, we think they're fun questions

1144
00:59:57.960 --> 01:00:00.160
because we already know our answers to them.

1145
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.920
But sometimes like people haven't dreamed in a while. So we just want to make sure we're not asking questions that

1146
01:00:06.120 --> 01:00:11.800
People just fall in but anyway, but you're not getting there. So we're gonna help you with your profile and

1147
01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:15.080
we're gonna make sure you get on some fun dates and

1148
01:00:16.600 --> 01:00:19.620
And that's maybe something you guys can do

1149
01:00:21.120 --> 01:00:25.680
In the Facebook page, but maybe the next time I'm with you guys, we're gonna focus on that

1150
01:00:25.680 --> 01:00:29.400
I want you to bring to me. What are the first 20 questions you ask?

1151
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:37.640
Whether it's the the texting the video call the days. I want to we want to start to see the questions. You're asking people. I

1152
01:00:38.720 --> 01:00:41.480
Want to see if you're I want to see if you're scaring people

1153
01:00:44.360 --> 01:00:48.680
But Peter you're adorable you're gonna find your person I just know it okay Rosanna

1154
01:00:52.840 --> 01:00:54.840
Are you still there girl?

1155
01:00:55.440 --> 01:00:57.800
I'm here. I'm sorry. Hi

1156
01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:01.920
So I just have a couple little questions so I am

1157
01:01:02.640 --> 01:01:04.120
Or maybe it's growth on this

1158
01:01:04.120 --> 01:01:09.040
so I was listening to something that of because I meant I'm new ish to phase three and I was listening you were actually talking

1159
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:10.360
about stuff with Bethany and

1160
01:01:10.360 --> 01:01:13.840
Jackie and it was like stuff that we need to let go of so that we can have more breakthrough

1161
01:01:14.160 --> 01:01:18.800
and I felt like the Lord pulling on me to tell me to get off the dating apps and I was like

1162
01:01:18.800 --> 01:01:24.080
No, I don't want to and then I was hoping to FaceTime a guy yesterday and that didn't happen

1163
01:01:24.080 --> 01:01:28.120
He never called me even though he said he was like, I'll do it after church and

1164
01:01:29.120 --> 01:01:33.200
After 8 p.m. And I'm like, okay, so it was after 8 and then 9 happened and I was like, okay

1165
01:01:33.200 --> 01:01:37.600
Maybe he's just done now and then 10 and 1045. I'm like, yeah, this is gonna happen and then he didn't say anything today

1166
01:01:37.600 --> 01:01:39.360
So I didn't even reach out

1167
01:01:39.360 --> 01:01:43.320
but I will say like there's growth in that because I used to take these personally and I'm like

1168
01:01:43.320 --> 01:01:45.240
What's wrong with like you seem like you were interested

1169
01:01:45.240 --> 01:01:50.600
You told me you're interested and then I wanted to move on to a FaceTime before we actually met up and then it didn't happen

1170
01:01:50.600 --> 01:01:55.960
And my sister's like maybe it's you know, God God's grace on that which is it could be but I think like

1171
01:01:56.360 --> 01:02:01.240
I haven't been on a date probably in what are we? Oh my gosh. It's almost June

1172
01:02:01.240 --> 01:02:06.360
I would say like three months and like I just really want to go out and I did have my school reunion

1173
01:02:06.360 --> 01:02:11.400
Which was wonderful, but like I suppose it's just oh, did you wear one of those dresses?

1174
01:02:12.240 --> 01:02:15.960
Did I wore option number two? I didn't wear the underskirt with it to make it poofy

1175
01:02:15.960 --> 01:02:18.160
I just let it to be to my silhouette. I

1176
01:02:19.680 --> 01:02:26.960
Watched it in replay and then I went to the page to see your dresses and you looked hot in all of them, but okay

1177
01:02:31.080 --> 01:02:33.480
I'm a words of affirmation girl, so I appreciate it

1178
01:02:33.480 --> 01:02:38.040
I guess it's just like so I'm bummed that honestly, I would love to go on a date

1179
01:02:38.040 --> 01:02:42.960
I would love a man to ask me out. Are you so are you on dating apps?

1180
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:47.100
I literally so when I felt that urge yesterday because I felt they're like

1181
01:02:47.100 --> 01:02:51.720
What is God asking to give like to give up and I honestly felt like he was like get off the apps right now

1182
01:02:51.720 --> 01:02:53.240
So I'm on the book

1183
01:02:53.240 --> 01:02:55.440
modern modern dating sex group

1184
01:02:55.440 --> 01:02:57.920
And so I'm gonna I think I need to do that just so I can

1185
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:01.240
Yeah throughout and learn about my patterns and what script I'm on

1186
01:03:01.240 --> 01:03:05.440
I don't think fairy tale passive and and cool girl or what a chill girl

1187
01:03:05.480 --> 01:03:11.440
So we're working I'm gonna work on that and I think that is that six weeks or is that it's gonna be a five-week program?

1188
01:03:11.440 --> 01:03:17.760
So now I'm gonna start chapters three or chapter two and so it just started. So we're talking basically the month of June

1189
01:03:18.760 --> 01:03:21.840
Basically, yeah, and if somebody asked me on I'm totally gonna go out

1190
01:03:21.840 --> 01:03:26.200
I would love for a guy to approach me, but that doesn't why don't you try that that?

1191
01:03:26.200 --> 01:03:31.640
Why don't you try the the dating dinners that I we all talked about at the front end of the session tonight?

1192
01:03:31.640 --> 01:03:36.040
Oh, yeah, I did one of those time left. That was fantastic. You know, I don't even think about that

1193
01:03:36.040 --> 01:03:38.040
I probably could do that. I

1194
01:03:38.080 --> 01:03:44.280
Some of those kind of things this month like if you're not supposed to be on the date a dating app, that's fine

1195
01:03:44.280 --> 01:03:49.280
But like do other stuff then yes, I do. I want to go out. I would love to go to a concert

1196
01:03:49.280 --> 01:03:54.840
I want to check out festival. I want to do stuff as an adult woman because I have my five children and so

1197
01:03:56.960 --> 01:04:03.160
Google in your town adult activities. Okay careful how I just said that

1198
01:04:08.200 --> 01:04:11.960
You know what I mean though because I'm in Nashville

1199
01:04:12.680 --> 01:04:15.760
It's been so successful like down at the factory

1200
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:21.200
They've been doing line dancing for singles on Monday nights and it got so popular

1201
01:04:21.880 --> 01:04:24.400
that they have they're having to use a bigger hall and

1202
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:31.840
and like there's like this open-air bar with it and so again, you never know because that's gonna bring in the

1203
01:04:32.640 --> 01:04:35.260
Secular and faith-based audience so you never know

1204
01:04:35.740 --> 01:04:41.140
But while you're in this season, this is just getting your practice on so

1205
01:04:41.740 --> 01:04:44.180
Finding things to do in the month of June

1206
01:04:44.740 --> 01:04:51.140
That may be more group led so you can get your practice on you can get like, you know

1207
01:04:51.660 --> 01:04:53.660
adult simulation

1208
01:04:53.780 --> 01:04:58.020
And then you'll be ready to go maybe back on the apps in July

1209
01:04:58.660 --> 01:05:00.660
Yeah, I'm definitely excited

1210
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.160
for that, and I do want this to be a summer of love.

1211
01:05:02.160 --> 01:05:03.680
I'm not, because I'm not nixing the apps.

1212
01:05:03.680 --> 01:05:06.720
I'm going to revamp after I've learned this.

1213
01:05:06.720 --> 01:05:11.080
But I wanted to do adult activities as a woman, you know?

1214
01:05:11.080 --> 01:05:13.700
I would make that a priority in this month,

1215
01:05:13.700 --> 01:05:16.080
because I'm sure every week that you guys are doing

1216
01:05:16.080 --> 01:05:17.800
the book club and with all of this,

1217
01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:19.640
you're cleaning stuff every day.

1218
01:05:19.640 --> 01:05:21.600
Absolutely, and I want to put it into practice now.

1219
01:05:21.600 --> 01:05:24.360
So I'm going to a movie night, a family movie night tomorrow.

1220
01:05:24.360 --> 01:05:25.480
You never know who could be there.

1221
01:05:25.480 --> 01:05:29.080
I don't know, but like, I just, it's, I don't know.

1222
01:05:29.080 --> 01:05:30.280
I just, like, I got bummed,

1223
01:05:30.280 --> 01:05:32.640
but at least I was able to get over it faster

1224
01:05:32.640 --> 01:05:33.940
and didn't take it as personal.

1225
01:05:33.940 --> 01:05:35.580
And I think it's because of this group.

1226
01:05:35.580 --> 01:05:37.700
So maybe that's all.

1227
01:05:37.700 --> 01:05:38.540
No, that's good.

1228
01:05:38.540 --> 01:05:41.300
And you guys, like, also find places,

1229
01:05:41.300 --> 01:05:43.900
like they just opened up,

1230
01:05:43.900 --> 01:05:48.240
it's called the Boozy Bookstore in my town.

1231
01:05:48.240 --> 01:05:50.340
So it's like a place where you can read books

1232
01:05:50.340 --> 01:05:51.320
and get a glass of wine.

1233
01:05:51.320 --> 01:05:53.660
I'm like, I'm all, like, I think that's so much fun.

1234
01:05:53.660 --> 01:05:57.740
I go to a place, I'm like a lounge lizard at Stable Reserve.

1235
01:05:57.740 --> 01:06:02.200
It is a coffee shop up until about three o'clock

1236
01:06:02.200 --> 01:06:05.060
and it's a distillery and they also have music.

1237
01:06:05.060 --> 01:06:08.600
So I've written so many papers from that place.

1238
01:06:08.600 --> 01:06:10.400
I just learned to start hanging out.

1239
01:06:10.400 --> 01:06:12.920
And you'd be surprised if you sit at the bar,

1240
01:06:12.920 --> 01:06:14.240
how many people you can just have

1241
01:06:14.240 --> 01:06:16.540
random conversations with.

1242
01:06:16.540 --> 01:06:18.960
Now, none of them turned into my person,

1243
01:06:18.960 --> 01:06:21.560
but I think it helped me learn how to flirt better

1244
01:06:21.560 --> 01:06:24.600
and how to be comfortable in my own skin and confident.

1245
01:06:24.600 --> 01:06:28.180
So I would say if you want adult stimulation,

1246
01:06:28.180 --> 01:06:29.820
find places like that,

1247
01:06:29.820 --> 01:06:31.380
that are gonna put you in settings,

1248
01:06:31.380 --> 01:06:34.920
not just coffee shops, like places that are more,

1249
01:06:34.920 --> 01:06:38.060
that got more like swanky vibe to it kind of thing.

1250
01:06:38.060 --> 01:06:40.620
And you'll have a good time.

1251
01:06:40.620 --> 01:06:41.580
Okay, Carol.

1252
01:06:44.260 --> 01:06:45.780
Hi.

1253
01:06:45.780 --> 01:06:49.300
So I just met a guy this last weekend,

1254
01:06:49.300 --> 01:06:50.140
which is really great.

1255
01:06:50.140 --> 01:06:51.340
He's six hours away from me.

1256
01:06:51.340 --> 01:06:52.600
So we met halfway.

1257
01:06:53.420 --> 01:06:55.580
The date went really well, which,

1258
01:06:55.580 --> 01:06:56.580
so I want to see him again.

1259
01:06:56.580 --> 01:06:58.620
And he's said the same thing.

1260
01:06:58.620 --> 01:07:02.340
My question is, how important is it that he comes to me

1261
01:07:02.340 --> 01:07:04.420
before I go to him?

1262
01:07:04.420 --> 01:07:05.580
He lives in the mountains.

1263
01:07:05.580 --> 01:07:07.060
I'm in the middle of Nebraska.

1264
01:07:07.060 --> 01:07:08.560
It's very rural where I live.

1265
01:07:08.560 --> 01:07:09.940
There's more to do where he's at.

1266
01:07:09.940 --> 01:07:12.300
I'm on summer break cause I'm a teacher.

1267
01:07:12.300 --> 01:07:14.100
So I can travel a little bit more.

1268
01:07:16.660 --> 01:07:18.260
I want you to be safe.

1269
01:07:18.260 --> 01:07:20.140
I want you to be safe.

1270
01:07:20.140 --> 01:07:20.980
Okay.

1271
01:07:23.020 --> 01:07:24.740
Cause I just all of a sudden, I just said,

1272
01:07:24.740 --> 01:07:26.460
you said the mountains and I'm like, okay,

1273
01:07:26.460 --> 01:07:28.420
I just saw a Netflix movie about this.

1274
01:07:28.420 --> 01:07:29.260
Yeah.

1275
01:07:29.260 --> 01:07:30.140
Get off Netflix.

1276
01:07:30.140 --> 01:07:30.980
Like in Denver.

1277
01:07:30.980 --> 01:07:32.220
He's in the city, but.

1278
01:07:32.220 --> 01:07:33.220
Okay, he's in the city.

1279
01:07:33.220 --> 01:07:34.060
Okay.

1280
01:07:34.060 --> 01:07:34.900
Yeah.

1281
01:07:34.900 --> 01:07:37.060
I would say if you're going to go,

1282
01:07:37.980 --> 01:07:40.180
has he offered to come to you?

1283
01:07:40.180 --> 01:07:42.180
No, not yet.

1284
01:07:42.180 --> 01:07:44.260
We just know that we want to meet again.

1285
01:07:44.260 --> 01:07:45.980
And I am wondering.

1286
01:07:45.980 --> 01:07:48.460
I would wait to see what he offers.

1287
01:07:48.460 --> 01:07:50.820
If he offers to come to you,

1288
01:07:51.820 --> 01:07:54.680
let him come to you first.

1289
01:07:54.680 --> 01:07:55.720
Okay.

1290
01:07:55.720 --> 01:07:57.040
If he offers to come to you.

1291
01:07:57.040 --> 01:07:59.020
Now, if he says,

1292
01:08:00.680 --> 01:08:03.160
I would love to show you my town first.

1293
01:08:03.160 --> 01:08:05.320
I can come up with a bunch of fun things to do.

1294
01:08:05.320 --> 01:08:08.280
Make sure you pick very public things to do.

1295
01:08:08.280 --> 01:08:09.560
Your life 360.

1296
01:08:09.560 --> 01:08:11.600
You're not going to get in his car.

1297
01:08:12.600 --> 01:08:14.760
You're going to kind of be safe about that.

1298
01:08:16.479 --> 01:08:19.359
So don't suggest to go to him first.

1299
01:08:19.359 --> 01:08:20.640
Don't be the one to say,

1300
01:08:21.460 --> 01:08:22.279
well, you've got more in your town.

1301
01:08:22.279 --> 01:08:23.120
It doesn't matter.

1302
01:08:23.120 --> 01:08:25.819
You're not trying to, you're not a tourist.

1303
01:08:25.819 --> 01:08:27.580
You're trying to get to know him.

1304
01:08:27.580 --> 01:08:31.220
And so my hope would be that he would come to you.

1305
01:08:31.220 --> 01:08:34.660
My preference is that the man comes to you first.

1306
01:08:34.660 --> 01:08:35.819
That's my preference.

1307
01:08:36.899 --> 01:08:38.779
It's not a deal breaker,

1308
01:08:40.819 --> 01:08:41.859
but it is a preference.

1309
01:08:41.859 --> 01:08:44.319
You guys met halfway the first time.

1310
01:08:46.140 --> 01:08:47.380
How long was the date?

1311
01:08:48.260 --> 01:08:50.060
Longer than it needed, than it should have been.

1312
01:08:50.640 --> 01:08:52.479
That's how we really connected, but.

1313
01:08:53.680 --> 01:08:54.600
No apologies.

1314
01:08:54.600 --> 01:08:55.880
I mean, you drove three hours.

1315
01:08:55.880 --> 01:08:58.439
So I would expect the date to be at least three hours.

1316
01:08:58.439 --> 01:09:01.080
I mean, before you go back in the car and turn around.

1317
01:09:01.080 --> 01:09:02.060
Yeah.

1318
01:09:02.060 --> 01:09:04.359
The problem with a six hour date

1319
01:09:04.359 --> 01:09:08.819
is someone's going to have to stay overnight, probably.

1320
01:09:08.819 --> 01:09:09.800
Right.

1321
01:09:09.800 --> 01:09:13.319
So if he wants you to come to him,

1322
01:09:14.160 --> 01:09:16.399
then if you're driving six hours,

1323
01:09:16.399 --> 01:09:18.520
he's paying for your hotel.

1324
01:09:18.520 --> 01:09:19.680
Okay.

1325
01:09:20.300 --> 01:09:21.120
That would be my compromise.

1326
01:09:21.120 --> 01:09:23.580
Like, hey, you know, I have a lot to do this time.

1327
01:09:23.580 --> 01:09:24.420
You know what?

1328
01:09:24.420 --> 01:09:25.500
I would be willing to come to you.

1329
01:09:25.500 --> 01:09:27.840
Would you be, well, I would be willing to drive to you.

1330
01:09:27.840 --> 01:09:30.220
Would you be willing to cover my hotel?

1331
01:09:30.220 --> 01:09:31.060
Okay.

1332
01:09:32.620 --> 01:09:35.260
And I would pick a hotel versus an Airbnb

1333
01:09:35.260 --> 01:09:39.300
because this way he's not coming up to your room.

1334
01:09:39.300 --> 01:09:41.380
It's not a private house.

1335
01:09:41.380 --> 01:09:44.520
You can, he can drop you off in the lobby.

1336
01:09:44.520 --> 01:09:46.779
It's all safe.

1337
01:09:46.779 --> 01:09:47.700
Yeah.

1338
01:09:47.700 --> 01:09:49.080
Yeah. Perfect.

1339
01:09:49.540 --> 01:09:50.899
Awesome. Well, keep us posted.

1340
01:09:50.899 --> 01:09:51.740
I'm excited.

1341
01:09:51.740 --> 01:09:52.660
Yeah.

1342
01:09:52.660 --> 01:09:53.500
Thanks.

1343
01:09:53.500 --> 01:09:54.980
Marley.

1344
01:09:54.980 --> 01:09:56.060
Hi.

1345
01:09:56.060 --> 01:09:57.500
Hi.

1346
01:09:57.500 --> 01:09:58.340
Two things.

1347
01:09:58.340 --> 01:10:00.180
So the first one is I received.

1348
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:10.000
Some invites of people on Facebook who want to match as friends, what do I do with that?

1349
01:10:10.000 --> 01:10:15.000
Like people of the opposite sex?

1350
01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:21.000
Yeah, well, yes, yes, yes. Actually both, but I'm talking mostly people of the opposite sex.

1351
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:28.000
It's a very personal thing. For me, I tend to only accept friend requests.

1352
01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:36.000
And just so you guys know, if you try to friend request me, Jackie just prefers that staff does not accept friend requests.

1353
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:39.000
So don't feel like I'm slighting you if I don't accept your friend request.

1354
01:10:39.000 --> 01:10:45.000
99% of my posts are public anyway, so if you want to see what's going on in my life, just come to my page.

1355
01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:57.000
Anyway, so how I felt, in general, I tend to only accept friend requests of people who know a good chunk of people I know.

1356
01:10:57.000 --> 01:11:04.000
I have personally not accepted friend requests from people who are complete strangers.

1357
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:11.000
Now, when I was running Hope Clinic and I used to do a lot of speaking engagements and I kind of viewed my Facebook page, and I still do,

1358
01:11:11.000 --> 01:11:18.000
I consider my Facebook and my Instagram pretty public because the kind of work I used to do.

1359
01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:26.000
I wanted to be accessible. It also means that whatever I post on Instagram and Facebook, I'm willing for the entire world to know.

1360
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:30.000
So that's kind of how I treat it. So I'm a little bit more lenient.

1361
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:33.000
So I'd say do what you think is safe to do.

1362
01:11:33.000 --> 01:11:40.000
But if they slip into your DMs and start talking to you, if they're trying to sell something to you or whatever, and you're not interested,

1363
01:11:40.000 --> 01:11:44.000
I've also accepted friend requests and then immediately blocked people too.

1364
01:11:44.000 --> 01:11:52.000
Then all of a sudden, they're just creepy and weird and you're like, and unfollow, and unfriend, and block.

1365
01:11:52.000 --> 01:11:55.000
So it's really what feels comfortable for you.

1366
01:11:55.000 --> 01:12:01.000
Okay. Those that I'm talking about are through Facebook dating.

1367
01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:02.000
Yeah.

1368
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:04.000
Oh, what?

1369
01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:05.000
Yes.

1370
01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:06.000
No.

1371
01:12:06.000 --> 01:12:08.000
You can match as friends. Yeah.

1372
01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:09.000
Yeah.

1373
01:12:09.000 --> 01:12:11.000
Then not be Facebook friends. It's not that.

1374
01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:15.000
Well, I mean, that would be a no for me.

1375
01:12:15.000 --> 01:12:16.000
Okay, perfect.

1376
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:19.000
This would be me. I don't need more friends.

1377
01:12:19.000 --> 01:12:21.000
Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

1378
01:12:21.000 --> 01:12:26.000
And the second thing is that I've gone on two dates now.

1379
01:12:26.000 --> 01:12:28.000
So the first one was on a coffee date.

1380
01:12:28.000 --> 01:12:32.000
The second one was on a dinner date.

1381
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:44.000
I asked a question last week, and that's the man who had initiated, who wanted to kiss me after the second date.

1382
01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:46.000
And Jackie had said, well-

1383
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:49.000
I heard that. I heard that whole conversation. Yep.

1384
01:12:49.000 --> 01:12:54.000
So the texting has been very irregular since.

1385
01:12:54.000 --> 01:12:58.000
But on Monday, he said, oh, I'd like to take you out for a movie.

1386
01:12:58.000 --> 01:13:04.000
So on Monday, he said, I want to take you out for a movie during the weekend.

1387
01:13:04.000 --> 01:13:07.000
But during the week, I barely hear from him.

1388
01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:11.000
So it was on Tuesday.

1389
01:13:11.000 --> 01:13:17.000
I asked if he wanted to hop on a video chat, and he said he was just about to go to bed.

1390
01:13:17.000 --> 01:13:22.000
So what was my schedule like the following day?

1391
01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:25.000
And I told him 7.30. He said, that works.

1392
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:27.000
7.30 came.

1393
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:30.000
I called. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.

1394
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:32.000
Yes. So I called.

1395
01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:36.000
And there must have been a problem with FaceTime because it didn't go through.

1396
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:39.000
So he waited.

1397
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:41.000
I waited.

1398
01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:42.000
And then I sent a text.

1399
01:13:42.000 --> 01:13:46.000
And I said, are we still chatting, video chatting?

1400
01:13:46.000 --> 01:13:49.000
And he said, well, I was waiting for you.

1401
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:51.000
I'm thinking, what?

1402
01:13:51.000 --> 01:13:54.000
Now, girl, you don't need to be doing the heavy lifting here.

1403
01:13:54.000 --> 01:13:56.000
You're doing too much heavy lifting here.

1404
01:13:57.000 --> 01:14:02.000
So if he wants to take you out on a date, he's going to book the date.

1405
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:09.000
And if the texting conversation isn't going anywhere, I would just see this again.

1406
01:14:09.000 --> 01:14:11.000
This is me being super blunt.

1407
01:14:11.000 --> 01:14:12.000
Like, hey, you know what?

1408
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:16.000
As I said earlier, I'm looking to date in real life.

1409
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:23.000
So let me know if you're up to a date and if we have specifics for Saturday.

1410
01:14:23.000 --> 01:14:25.000
I look forward to seeing you.

1411
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:27.000
I would not.

1412
01:14:27.000 --> 01:14:35.000
Like, especially once you've had that date and he did the kiss thing and you didn't give him a kiss,

1413
01:14:35.000 --> 01:14:39.000
I would be really waiting to see how he drives this right now.

1414
01:14:39.000 --> 01:14:45.000
He's got to prove to you that he can be a gentleman and he can pursue you.

1415
01:14:45.000 --> 01:14:48.000
So if I were you, I'd be watching how he drives the ship.

1416
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:49.000
Right.

1417
01:14:49.000 --> 01:14:58.000
So we had that missed attempt at the video chat, but ended up having the video chat, which lasted an hour.

1418
01:14:58.000 --> 01:15:00.000
Right.

1419
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.600
but I haven't heard since.

1420
01:15:02.600 --> 01:15:07.600
So I've decided I'm not initiating anything at this point.

1421
01:15:09.480 --> 01:15:11.980
I'm not confirming or asking questions

1422
01:15:11.980 --> 01:15:14.440
about the weekend or anything.

1423
01:15:14.440 --> 01:15:16.640
Because when he suggested the movie,

1424
01:15:16.640 --> 01:15:21.640
I said, I found a way to suggest something else

1425
01:15:21.640 --> 01:15:23.620
where we would not be in the dark.

1426
01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:25.560
And I-

1427
01:15:25.560 --> 01:15:28.880
And you don't wanna do a movie as a second date.

1428
01:15:28.880 --> 01:15:30.760
Like you don't need to be doing a movie

1429
01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:32.560
in the first four dates.

1430
01:15:32.560 --> 01:15:34.120
You wanna be doing dates

1431
01:15:34.120 --> 01:15:36.200
where you can continue to have a conversation.

1432
01:15:36.200 --> 01:15:38.400
You can go bowling, you can play pool,

1433
01:15:38.400 --> 01:15:42.200
you can go to the art gallery, you can go whatever.

1434
01:15:42.200 --> 01:15:44.680
I suggested mini pot and he said, okay.

1435
01:15:44.680 --> 01:15:47.360
So he liked the idea of going potty.

1436
01:15:47.360 --> 01:15:50.960
That's what we may or may not be doing this weekend.

1437
01:15:52.960 --> 01:15:53.840
I want him to,

1438
01:15:53.840 --> 01:15:57.320
I really want him to pick up the woo with you.

1439
01:15:57.320 --> 01:16:00.760
I'm not liking that you had to initiate the video date.

1440
01:16:00.760 --> 01:16:04.360
I'm not liking that he was going to bed.

1441
01:16:04.360 --> 01:16:07.920
I'm not liking that he, FaceTime wasn't working

1442
01:16:07.920 --> 01:16:10.160
and he was waiting for you.

1443
01:16:10.160 --> 01:16:13.800
I'm just, I'm sensing some excuses here

1444
01:16:13.800 --> 01:16:16.240
and I'm sensing just a little bit of breadcrumbing

1445
01:16:16.240 --> 01:16:17.700
that he's doing with you.

1446
01:16:17.700 --> 01:16:21.360
So I want him to really step up to the plate for you.

1447
01:16:22.440 --> 01:16:23.280
Thank you.

1448
01:16:23.280 --> 01:16:25.240
That was the sense that I was getting.

1449
01:16:25.240 --> 01:16:27.080
That's what you deserve.

1450
01:16:27.840 --> 01:16:28.680
And you guys, we all do it.

1451
01:16:28.680 --> 01:16:30.000
We start to help.

1452
01:16:30.000 --> 01:16:33.200
Oh, maybe I wasn't clear or, oh wait,

1453
01:16:33.200 --> 01:16:34.820
I haven't heard from him.

1454
01:16:34.820 --> 01:16:37.040
So is the date happening or not?

1455
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:41.400
Again, remember we said a guy or girl is going to be clear.

1456
01:16:41.400 --> 01:16:42.680
You're not going to be confused.

1457
01:16:42.680 --> 01:16:44.380
If you're starting to get confused,

1458
01:16:44.380 --> 01:16:46.480
it means they're not being clear.

1459
01:16:46.480 --> 01:16:49.000
And so we don't want unclear people in our life.

1460
01:16:49.000 --> 01:16:50.080
All right.

1461
01:16:50.080 --> 01:16:52.300
It is eight, it's a 27 after hour.

1462
01:16:52.300 --> 01:16:53.740
Hunter, you're going last.

1463
01:16:53.740 --> 01:16:55.640
And then I'm going to ask Cheryl

1464
01:16:55.640 --> 01:16:58.320
to make sure I didn't miss any questions in the chat.

1465
01:16:58.320 --> 01:17:00.800
I've barely looked, but thank y'all for the birthday wishes.

1466
01:17:00.800 --> 01:17:02.360
It's very sweet of y'all.

1467
01:17:02.360 --> 01:17:04.320
Oh, happy birthday.

1468
01:17:04.320 --> 01:17:05.160
Thank you.

1469
01:17:05.160 --> 01:17:08.800
Well, it's basically, I put in the,

1470
01:17:08.800 --> 01:17:12.360
I'm meeting someone, I wanted to meet people locally.

1471
01:17:12.360 --> 01:17:14.600
I'm going to church and it's these two women.

1472
01:17:14.600 --> 01:17:18.120
One is Alicia, the other is Alicia.

1473
01:17:18.120 --> 01:17:20.020
One Alicia is around my age.

1474
01:17:20.020 --> 01:17:23.100
The other one is a single mom who is a little older than me,

1475
01:17:23.140 --> 01:17:25.740
but I connect better with them.

1476
01:17:25.740 --> 01:17:27.220
The first one I was,

1477
01:17:27.220 --> 01:17:29.060
one of them invited me to sit next to them.

1478
01:17:29.060 --> 01:17:31.720
The other one was cool with me sitting next to them.

1479
01:17:31.720 --> 01:17:35.500
I got to know them during, when we went to Greece and Malta.

1480
01:17:35.500 --> 01:17:37.260
And then I'm trying to think about,

1481
01:17:37.260 --> 01:17:39.900
I think there's no denying they are women of God.

1482
01:17:39.900 --> 01:17:43.160
One, their actions and the way they dress

1483
01:17:43.160 --> 01:17:46.740
and how they're serving in ministry speaks for themselves.

1484
01:17:46.740 --> 01:17:48.500
And they like, they know I've been around

1485
01:17:48.500 --> 01:17:50.480
going to church long enough.

1486
01:17:50.480 --> 01:17:52.880
Then I decided that I want to,

1487
01:17:52.880 --> 01:17:55.140
I want to get to know them and started the day.

1488
01:17:55.140 --> 01:17:57.680
Well, the thing is, and I, and this time,

1489
01:17:57.680 --> 01:18:00.960
the best thing I could do is want it for the right reason.

1490
01:18:00.960 --> 01:18:03.460
Well, she invited me to sit there and I did.

1491
01:18:03.460 --> 01:18:04.960
And they said, you know what, can we hang out?

1492
01:18:04.960 --> 01:18:06.520
We may not go somewhere, but you know,

1493
01:18:06.520 --> 01:18:08.080
maybe we can just go in the sawd ground.

1494
01:18:08.080 --> 01:18:10.000
And they said, you know what, that's a good one.

1495
01:18:10.000 --> 01:18:11.960
It's like, I like to do small scale.

1496
01:18:11.960 --> 01:18:15.040
Well, the thing is, at least they said that

1497
01:18:15.040 --> 01:18:17.040
there's no guarantee I'll be able to,

1498
01:18:17.040 --> 01:18:19.520
we'll let you know, but we will meet.

1499
01:18:19.560 --> 01:18:20.680
Cause they liked the idea,

1500
01:18:20.680 --> 01:18:23.260
but they have a hard time squeezing time in.

1501
01:18:23.260 --> 01:18:25.760
Then I came back next week and they didn't,

1502
01:18:25.760 --> 01:18:27.480
but at least I got asked for the number

1503
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:29.120
and they were okay with it.

1504
01:18:29.120 --> 01:18:31.640
And then finally I text them and I,

1505
01:18:31.640 --> 01:18:34.080
and I said, Alicia, and I asked them what,

1506
01:18:34.080 --> 01:18:35.440
what service will you be in?

1507
01:18:35.440 --> 01:18:37.360
What service do you go to, early or late?

1508
01:18:37.360 --> 01:18:39.720
Cause they might go a little variant to say,

1509
01:18:39.720 --> 01:18:41.020
we'll let you know.

1510
01:18:41.020 --> 01:18:44.160
So I went in, so I went between the early and late service.

1511
01:18:44.160 --> 01:18:48.080
I went between, then I was eating some coffee and a bagel.

1512
01:18:48.120 --> 01:18:51.640
And then she walked by, the other Alicia said, hi.

1513
01:18:51.640 --> 01:18:52.480
And I said, hi.

1514
01:18:52.480 --> 01:18:53.720
And then she went to serving.

1515
01:18:53.720 --> 01:18:55.840
So I think, yeah, this isn't going to happen

1516
01:18:55.840 --> 01:18:58.360
because of that, there's lack of connection.

1517
01:18:58.360 --> 01:19:01.960
So I sat next to Alicia, row behind her.

1518
01:19:01.960 --> 01:19:03.840
Then every time I walked on the way out

1519
01:19:03.840 --> 01:19:06.360
and I was in, never got to hang out at all.

1520
01:19:06.360 --> 01:19:09.240
Then I figured, you know what, I'm going to try and be a lead

1521
01:19:09.240 --> 01:19:11.520
cause I'm not the kind of guy who gives up

1522
01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:13.600
and gives up and you say, you know what,

1523
01:19:13.600 --> 01:19:16.700
rather than be a bashful guy, let's head on into it.

1524
01:19:16.820 --> 01:19:18.940
And I just pray, Lord, look, Lord, I like them.

1525
01:19:18.940 --> 01:19:21.020
There's a good, she's a good woman of God.

1526
01:19:21.020 --> 01:19:22.540
I'd like to have a future with her

1527
01:19:22.540 --> 01:19:24.940
and I'm going to want it for the right here and here.

1528
01:19:24.940 --> 01:19:28.000
I want it for the right reason and just speak to my heart

1529
01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:29.740
about wanting it for the right reason.

1530
01:19:29.740 --> 01:19:31.140
That's all I can do.

1531
01:19:31.140 --> 01:19:34.060
And then I said, Alicia, it's okay if I pray for you.

1532
01:19:34.060 --> 01:19:36.820
And I texted them and say, can I pray for you?

1533
01:19:36.820 --> 01:19:37.660
Yeah.

1534
01:19:37.660 --> 01:19:38.500
And then I-

1535
01:19:38.500 --> 01:19:39.980
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hunter.

1536
01:19:39.980 --> 01:19:42.980
We don't do the praying for people that we're trying to date.

1537
01:19:43.820 --> 01:19:45.020
Mm-hmm.

1538
01:19:45.020 --> 01:19:47.140
Remember Jackie talked about not creating

1539
01:19:47.140 --> 01:19:49.700
like a spiritual soul time.

1540
01:19:49.700 --> 01:19:52.040
So we have to be careful, especially in the church.

1541
01:19:52.040 --> 01:19:54.500
Like if you're interested in somebody,

1542
01:19:54.500 --> 01:19:56.660
you want to make sure we don't do the,

1543
01:19:56.660 --> 01:19:58.480
hey, can I pray for you?

1544
01:19:58.480 --> 01:20:00.180
What can, how can I pray for you?

1545
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.560
Unless that's a completely platonic person. So we want to make sure we don't use that as a hook

1546
01:20:07.600 --> 01:20:13.960
All right. Well as I was saying and one Alicia I texted about praying and I figure you know

1547
01:20:13.960 --> 01:20:16.480
What this whole thing texting about can I pray for you?

1548
01:20:16.680 --> 01:20:21.920
It seemed to be more counterproductive and when I texted to one of them it became counterproductive

1549
01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:26.400
It's I'm trying to communicate and try and get in touch rather than have unquizzical love

1550
01:20:26.400 --> 01:20:29.880
But one Alicia she didn't buy me but it was more about her kind

1551
01:20:30.560 --> 01:20:35.000
Christian woman nature rather than her being interested. Yeah, and the other one I

1552
01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:39.960
Was I had more of ever can luck connecting with than the other than the latter?

1553
01:20:40.520 --> 01:20:45.320
Yeah, so I'm sorry. Forgive me. What's the question? You want to ask me?

1554
01:20:45.800 --> 01:20:53.560
What I was thinking about can if I want for the right reason like connecting intimacy rather than sit back thinking

1555
01:20:53.560 --> 01:20:59.040
I want to peachy with her and Lowe's is having a good for the right reason a guarantee or

1556
01:21:00.040 --> 01:21:02.520
Like I got all this discernment and okay

1557
01:21:02.520 --> 01:21:07.520
Does have one in for the right reason guarantee it is all I can do or what can I do to make it?

1558
01:21:07.520 --> 01:21:10.680
Can I dry can make her me or attract it to me?

1559
01:21:11.400 --> 01:21:16.480
You can't make anybody all you can do and this is true for all of us hunter

1560
01:21:16.480 --> 01:21:22.800
All you can do is put yourself out there and let's let somebody know that you're interested in getting to know them better

1561
01:21:23.560 --> 01:21:28.280
That's it. And they're either gonna pick that up or they're not gonna pick that up

1562
01:21:28.280 --> 01:21:35.040
And so as women we drop the hanky and we say like hey, I you know, you seem really fun

1563
01:21:35.040 --> 01:21:37.120
I'd love to go out for coffee sometime

1564
01:21:37.120 --> 01:21:39.040
We might get rejected

1565
01:21:39.040 --> 01:21:44.760
but we kind of like put it out there and so the same is true for you like you're gonna kind of put it out

1566
01:21:44.760 --> 01:21:46.160
there and

1567
01:21:46.160 --> 01:21:51.880
So are any of us wrong for wanting intimacy? No, none of us are wrong for wanting intimacy

1568
01:21:51.880 --> 01:21:57.320
We were that's how we were wired. That's how we were created to be is to be intimate with people

1569
01:21:57.320 --> 01:22:01.320
And so all we can do is continue to make ourself available

1570
01:22:03.040 --> 01:22:06.960
Continue to take risks to let people know that we're interested

1571
01:22:08.680 --> 01:22:14.200
But if they don't reciprocate that interest with more than just polite kindness

1572
01:22:14.440 --> 01:22:19.160
Then we just need to move on and not waste our time and that's true for all of us

1573
01:22:19.160 --> 01:22:25.920
So that's not just you hunter. It's true for all of us. Well, I know and I figured they're all by way with a spotlight

1574
01:22:25.920 --> 01:22:31.000
I I got an email about why I need to turn in to be on the spotlight and date and I already did that

1575
01:22:31.000 --> 01:22:35.200
So that's all I can do and you know what hunter I get it, dude

1576
01:22:35.200 --> 01:22:37.600
I don't know if you were here at the top of the hour

1577
01:22:37.600 --> 01:22:45.480
I mean, I am 58 years old and it took that long to get a happy birthday from my husband card

1578
01:22:45.480 --> 01:22:49.680
So, I don't know why it is taking some of us longer than others. I don't have the answer

1579
01:22:49.680 --> 01:22:53.520
all I'm getting is get a picture of how what God how God can move or

1580
01:22:53.800 --> 01:22:57.640
Do I have to walk in a bancing go according to his purpose?

1581
01:22:58.080 --> 01:23:03.280
Rather, I mean an app is intended to help you meet somebody

1582
01:23:03.280 --> 01:23:08.480
But it's another thing where you're not surrendered to God and want to manipulate the circumstance. That's the thing. I'm just

1583
01:23:09.000 --> 01:23:14.920
It's it's dance for all of us. It's it's like it's how much do I put myself out there?

1584
01:23:15.840 --> 01:23:22.680
and how much do I how much am I taking control away from God and that's the dance every one of us has to kind of

1585
01:23:23.480 --> 01:23:25.840
Present before the Lord. I know for me

1586
01:23:25.840 --> 01:23:32.760
I used to cling to wanting to get all these dates and where I landed with online dating was I

1587
01:23:33.040 --> 01:23:34.200
Jumped in I jumped out

1588
01:23:34.200 --> 01:23:39.840
I jumped in I jumped out like meaning I gave it a little bit of my time and energy and then I moved on with

1589
01:23:39.840 --> 01:23:41.280
my life and

1590
01:23:41.280 --> 01:23:46.560
I remember saying to all my friends like, you know what? I'm good. Like I have a good life

1591
01:23:46.560 --> 01:23:53.440
I'm not gonna say yes to a guy unless it's a hell. Yeah, like he's got to be a hundred percent. Heck

1592
01:23:53.440 --> 01:23:59.000
Yeah, I'm not gonna say yes to a guy that's a you know, whatever like I'm a good person. I'm fun to be around

1593
01:23:59.000 --> 01:24:03.840
I've got great community. I got great friends. And so that's my hope for all of you

1594
01:24:03.840 --> 01:24:10.840
Is that you put time and energy into being your best self growing learning put yourself out there?

1595
01:24:11.160 --> 01:24:17.720
But you're not obsessed about it and it's it doesn't define who you think you are and who you think God is

1596
01:24:17.720 --> 01:24:24.240
That's how you know, it's in control of you is when you let it decide your value and your worth

1597
01:24:25.120 --> 01:24:27.040
Then you know, you're hanging on to it

1598
01:24:27.040 --> 01:24:34.240
Just a little bit too tightly and we can do that with everything our weight our career our family our job our looks our wealth

1599
01:24:35.240 --> 01:24:39.360
We can hang on a little bit too tightly. This is just one of the areas and so

1600
01:24:40.360 --> 01:24:46.280
We I want all of us to try to find that dance and I do want to speak to somebody privately

1601
01:24:46.280 --> 01:24:53.840
I'm not gonna say her name somebody privately messaged me and you guys we've all been here and what she's basically saying is

1602
01:24:54.320 --> 01:25:00.080
I'm just getting exhausted being on the apps. I want to go out but I only want to go out with the person

1603
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.000
who's my person.

1604
01:25:01.000 --> 01:25:03.080
I don't feel like going through all the other people anymore.

1605
01:25:03.080 --> 01:25:04.680
I'm like, I get that.

1606
01:25:04.680 --> 01:25:08.600
But the only problem is there's no other way to get to your person without going through

1607
01:25:08.600 --> 01:25:09.600
all of the other people.

1608
01:25:09.600 --> 01:25:14.480
It's like, you don't know it's gonna be your person if you don't keep yourself out there.

1609
01:25:14.480 --> 01:25:20.720
And so, I understand that some of you have dating fatigue.

1610
01:25:20.720 --> 01:25:24.320
That's why sometimes you need to take a break from your dating fatigue.

1611
01:25:24.320 --> 01:25:28.660
But I'm gonna encourage you to never take yourself completely out of the game.

1612
01:25:28.660 --> 01:25:34.020
So even when I would go off apps, even when I wasn't doing speed dating, I still made

1613
01:25:34.020 --> 01:25:36.900
sure I looked like a million bucks when I walked out the door.

1614
01:25:36.900 --> 01:25:41.620
I made sure even when I was showing up at Walgreens or Walmart that nobody would have

1615
01:25:41.620 --> 01:25:45.460
that funky photo of me going, did you see what that girl just wore to Walmart?

1616
01:25:45.460 --> 01:25:47.660
No, I always looked cute.

1617
01:25:47.660 --> 01:25:51.780
So that's what I want for all of you is even if you're not doing anything else, when you

1618
01:25:51.780 --> 01:25:56.260
walk out that door, you don't look like crap because that's the day you're gonna run into

1619
01:25:56.260 --> 01:26:01.980
your somebody and you're gonna be like, man, I wish I washed my face today.

1620
01:26:01.980 --> 01:26:10.980
And so, I'm not sure where you are, your private message, I have no idea where you are.

1621
01:26:10.980 --> 01:26:15.020
Here's the thing, you guys, you don't need a lot of Christians, like there's not a lot

1622
01:26:15.020 --> 01:26:16.020
of Christians here.

1623
01:26:16.020 --> 01:26:17.020
I get it.

1624
01:26:17.020 --> 01:26:21.740
Like, I live in Nashville and it's like, no matter what city, we could all say in our

1625
01:26:21.740 --> 01:26:25.700
own city, there's too many women, there's too many men, there's not enough believers,

1626
01:26:26.140 --> 01:26:27.140
we could all say it.

1627
01:26:27.140 --> 01:26:30.700
And yet, people are getting married in our town.

1628
01:26:30.700 --> 01:26:36.420
So we have to not have that scarcity mindset, we only need one great person.

1629
01:26:36.420 --> 01:26:43.380
I mean, if I lined up all of the hundreds of people that I talked to on dating apps,

1630
01:26:43.380 --> 01:26:48.860
I mean, I don't know, I mean, maybe a handful were amazing people, but there was only one

1631
01:26:48.860 --> 01:26:51.060
that needed to be my person.

1632
01:26:51.060 --> 01:26:55.520
And again, if the dating apps are fatiguing you, don't do them.

1633
01:26:56.340 --> 01:27:01.720
Go do the social events, go do speed dating, go do the dinner clubs, they even now, like

1634
01:27:01.720 --> 01:27:07.400
I just saw on my Instagram page, they even do this thing where if you want to go to Greece

1635
01:27:07.400 --> 01:27:13.920
or Italy, you can go as a solo in a group where it's other singles going in a group

1636
01:27:13.920 --> 01:27:16.120
of like 20 people.

1637
01:27:16.120 --> 01:27:21.120
And so find that to go do, find things to go do that bring you joy.

1638
01:27:21.120 --> 01:27:23.600
I want you guys to find your joy.

1639
01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:26.640
Find your joy, find your joy.

1640
01:27:26.640 --> 01:27:33.240
I promise, I promise that if you are starting to get discouraged and you're starting to

1641
01:27:33.240 --> 01:27:38.560
get unhappy, somewhere that's showing up in your countenance, and that's gonna make you

1642
01:27:38.560 --> 01:27:41.000
actually less attractive to other people.

1643
01:27:41.000 --> 01:27:42.000
So-

1644
01:27:42.000 --> 01:27:44.280
You mean like the singles cruise from January?

1645
01:27:44.280 --> 01:27:48.680
Well, see, here's my problem with the singles cruise, that's such a big ship, so that's

1646
01:27:48.680 --> 01:27:49.680
an option.

1647
01:27:49.680 --> 01:27:57.760
But I'm talking about some of those smaller, sometimes they do smaller, like 40, 50 people

1648
01:27:57.760 --> 01:28:03.520
on a tour group that you can go with, so you have a greater chance to be in conversation

1649
01:28:03.520 --> 01:28:04.520
with people.

1650
01:28:04.520 --> 01:28:10.000
Okay, so next time we meet, y'all, you're gonna start making a list of the questions

1651
01:28:10.000 --> 01:28:13.760
you ask as you date people.

1652
01:28:13.760 --> 01:28:20.240
I wanna hear what you're asking people on dates, so we're gonna talk about that.

1653
01:28:20.240 --> 01:28:21.800
And that's it, I think.

1654
01:28:21.800 --> 01:28:22.800
Anyway-

1655
01:28:22.800 --> 01:28:23.800
Just one last question, just-

1656
01:28:23.800 --> 01:28:24.800
Great, thank you, Cheryl.

1657
01:28:24.800 --> 01:28:27.520
I've just seen it a few times.

1658
01:28:27.520 --> 01:28:30.400
Difference between a dating resume and online dating profile.

1659
01:28:30.400 --> 01:28:32.060
Yeah, that's a good question.

1660
01:28:32.060 --> 01:28:35.920
So I guess I should have asked Elizabeth what she's gonna do with her dating resume.

1661
01:28:35.920 --> 01:28:40.080
I know what some people have done with their dating resume is they've turned it into like

1662
01:28:40.080 --> 01:28:45.280
a Christmas card and a Valentine's Day card, and they've actually put it right there on

1663
01:28:45.280 --> 01:28:50.400
their social media, or they've sent it to their friends to say, hey, if you know a single

1664
01:28:50.400 --> 01:28:52.860
person, send that to me.

1665
01:28:52.860 --> 01:28:56.400
So that's what I'm assuming she meant by a dating resume.

1666
01:28:56.400 --> 01:28:58.280
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

1667
01:28:58.280 --> 01:29:05.220
I've got people that I know that are high quality that are likely to be in community

1668
01:29:05.380 --> 01:29:12.140
people share same values that I've already had conversations, hey, I'm putting this together,

1669
01:29:12.140 --> 01:29:13.760
can I send this to you?

1670
01:29:13.760 --> 01:29:16.340
And if you know people, you can send it to them.

1671
01:29:16.340 --> 01:29:17.940
Yeah, that's perfect.

1672
01:29:17.940 --> 01:29:23.760
So it's a way for your friends and your family to get your information to somebody.

1673
01:29:23.760 --> 01:29:29.620
So it's like, it's a way of doing community networking, like community dating or matchmaking

1674
01:29:29.620 --> 01:29:34.920
is because let's face it, sometimes our friends have no idea what to say about us and or about

1675
01:29:34.920 --> 01:29:36.640
what we're looking for.

1676
01:29:36.640 --> 01:29:40.000
So the dating resume does the work for them.

1677
01:29:40.000 --> 01:29:43.400
That's why I'm a fan of keeping it short and simple.

1678
01:29:43.400 --> 01:29:47.000
You know, like I've been working for 40 years.

1679
01:29:47.000 --> 01:29:50.680
I can still have my resume be one page because I'm not going to tell you every stinking thing

1680
01:29:50.680 --> 01:29:54.360
I've done for 40 years, but I'm going to give you the highlight reel.

1681
01:29:54.360 --> 01:30:00.040
So I feel like a dating resume in that instance should be like a highlight reel, real highlight.

1682
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.000
I will highlight.

1683
01:30:02.000 --> 01:30:03.060
Okay, good stuff.

1684
01:30:03.060 --> 01:30:03.900
Is that it, Cheryl?

1685
01:30:03.900 --> 01:30:06.200
Did I catch everything else?

1686
01:30:06.200 --> 01:30:07.800
That seems to be it.

1687
01:30:07.800 --> 01:30:09.800
All right, you guys, I'm just gonna pray you out.

1688
01:30:09.800 --> 01:30:11.080
Father God, I just wanna thank you

1689
01:30:11.080 --> 01:30:12.560
for each and every single person here

1690
01:30:12.560 --> 01:30:14.900
who is here live watching and replay.

1691
01:30:14.900 --> 01:30:17.120
Father God, you know all of their story.

1692
01:30:17.120 --> 01:30:18.960
You know the things that bring them joy,

1693
01:30:18.960 --> 01:30:21.000
the things that are discouraging them.

1694
01:30:21.000 --> 01:30:23.200
I just ask that you just put your holy hands

1695
01:30:23.200 --> 01:30:24.680
around them right now,

1696
01:30:24.680 --> 01:30:27.200
that they get an extra hug from heaven,

1697
01:30:27.200 --> 01:30:28.600
that when they go to sleep tonight,

1698
01:30:28.600 --> 01:30:30.600
that they just feel comforted by you.

1699
01:30:30.600 --> 01:30:32.760
They feel a part of this community.

1700
01:30:32.760 --> 01:30:34.000
They don't feel alone.

1701
01:30:34.000 --> 01:30:36.520
They don't feel discouraged, that they feel inspired,

1702
01:30:36.520 --> 01:30:39.480
that they trust that you are who you say you are,

1703
01:30:39.480 --> 01:30:42.880
that you are a good, good God, even on our sad days.

1704
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:45.500
And so, Father God, we just thank you in advance

1705
01:30:45.500 --> 01:30:48.480
for the breakthrough, for the marriages,

1706
01:30:48.480 --> 01:30:52.080
and for the stories that are gonna come from this community.

1707
01:30:52.080 --> 01:30:53.280
And we just lift all of this up

1708
01:30:53.280 --> 01:30:56.160
in the precious name of Jesus, amen.

1709
01:30:56.160 --> 01:30:58.240
All right, see you guys next time.

1710
01:30:58.600 --> 01:30:59.960
Amen.