of us rest. Thank you. Thank you, Cheryl. I'm so sorry. If you're just watching now,
it is online dating, regular dating, all things dating, and I barely just started. And we
are excited to have you here tonight in the replay. Thank you. I have a wonderful team
helping me do that stuff. Okay, so it's perfect timing, though. So we are about to kind of
launch into, hey, Renee, do I look camera ready? Or like, what would you change about
my outfit or my background? Or, you know, I'm going to banter with you for like a minute
or two, and I'm going to tell you how you woo me or not. And I'm just going to say how
you do. Or you're going to read us your bios. Or you're going to share with us your deal
breaker list. Because I recently met with a couple of you. I love you. But like Jackie
said, did y'all hear Jackie say it was in, was it this week's Supernatural Saturday or
last week where she's like, y'all, some of your lists are a little too long. And you're
demanding things in your spouse that you are not. And so we always want to try to show
grace. If you want somebody to show grace about your weight, you want to show grace
about their weight. You want to show grace, if you need grace about your wealth, then
you want somebody. And I have said this before. And so is Jackie. We always want partners
who have a growing and learning spirit. They're not done growing and learning, growing and
learning. Brian's faith has catapulted in ways that are similar to mine. And hopefully
he's rubbing off on me. His faith looked really different than mine. He was working three jobs,
worked on Sundays. He did not have a church community, which is why I'm so glad he's doing,
you guys, he knows more people at church than I do because we're at a new church together.
And it's because he goes to this men's night thing every Thursday night and they don't
have that for the women. And I really love that for him. So I want you to come on camera,
raise your hand. You're either going to show me you and we're going to banter. You're going
to tell us your profile. You're going to ask a dating question. If you're getting stuck,
I'll help you get unstuck. And I'm also going to reiterate yet again, and I don't know,
it probably is showing up on my social media feed because I keep pausing on it. You know
how the logarithms go, oh, she's paying attention. You guys, I continue to see new social media
sites that promote this one today. I took a screenshot of it. It is called, oh, where'd it go?
Oh, dang it. What did I do with it? It was called, oh my gosh, I thought I took a screenshot of it.
Oh baby, this is what happens when you get old like me. You just, I don't know. I must have not
saved it. But if you Google dinner clubs, social meetups, I've been seeing at least three or four
different ones that are national chains that will match you up with five other people to go to
dinner, which I love that idea. I love kind of like a group date where it's a mixture of men
and women. So you're not just staring across at one person. Oh, time left. Oh, thank you,
Cheryl. That's one of them. Meet five. Yes. That's another one. Oh, thank you people. Thank
you. You're helping me out. So some of you have seen them on your social media too. So if you're
like, I'm not meeting anybody in the wild, but I need to take a break from online dating. I feel
like this is a really good in between because usually they'll pick nice places to go to dinner.
And I would say pick the ones where you like the restaurant and you, you, and the worst thing that
happens is you're a little bit bored by people, but you had a really good meal and you practice
your social skills. And it's possible you can tell people about this community. Maybe they're
related to somebody who knows somebody who's got somebody for you. Um, and so I've continued to do
that. So who would like to come on camera first with me? Ooh, Amanda, go for it. Girlfriend. Ooh.
And look at, see Amanda, I already want to talk to you and go on a date with you. That smile. Oh my
gosh. Yeah, I actually get a lot of compliments about my smile. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Um, so I
wanted to share my list. Oh, good. I, I had a list like maybe like nine years ago, but I ripped it
up and I made a new one. And so the first one is patient with
relationship. The second one is worthy. Is this your deal breaker list or your preference?
Oh, this is like my preference. Okay. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. I just wanted to
make sure. Okay. Okay. So the first one was patient with our relationship. The second one
is worthy of my love. The third one is leadership qualities and abilities. The fourth one is shares
slash respects my values and boundaries regarding physical intimacy. And then the fifth one is,
has a high love, knowledge and respect for the word. The sixth one is pulls me closer to God.
And the last one is pursues me with intention, clarity and effort. Okay. Can we unpack them?
Okay. Yeah, we're going to unpack them because I want to help you go a little deeper to
understand what it means. Like, okay, so right now I'm trying to write a thesis paper for the
summer and we have to have an argument and you can't just say, I want to unpack sin.
Like you have to get really specific. And so you, you mentioned a few things and I'm like,
hmm, I wonder how she's going to know that's true. So the first one seemed fine. He's going to have
patience. Like obviously if he doesn't have patience, he's going to get hotheaded. He's
going to get defensive. He's not going to want to change. That's an easy one. What was the second
one though? Worthy of my love. Okay. So you want him to be worthy of your love. What does he have
to do or show you to be worthy of your love? Cause that is so big. Right. I think what I meant when I
wrote that or type that was obviously he needs to treat me with respect and love. Okay.
And obviously he needs to be a Christian too. So I would actually break that out because those are
all three different things. So for you, how do you, how will you know he's respecting you? Is it
the way he talks to you? Yes. Okay. So it's the tone he uses with you. Is it letting you finish
your thoughts, having an opinion? It's all the things, right? So, so when you're kind of praying
to God about that and it's even okay in your list to kind of type out what does respect look like
for me? Because this might be a great conversation starter for you guys as you go along because you
will find people will define respect, leadership, and communication differently. Like somebody might
say good communication skills. Well, I'm like my good communication skills includes thinking on my
feet and thinking out loud. Brian don't like doing that. He's a internal processor. He don't like to
be interrupted. And I'm a Yankee. We interrupt when we're in the conversation. So write down
those things because at some point it might be a good conversation for you to ask him,
what does respect look like for you? What does respect look like for me? Because of your family
of origin, you'll might define that differently. And then besides respect, what was the other two
words that you said in there? Hold on. Well, you said that he's a Christian. So I would say
that let's start to go with, he's a follower of Jesus and he believes Jesus is Lord because I feel
like saying you're a Christian is like saying I'm going to go Xerox something. It's just so
in the South, it means bupkis. You want to make sure he's a follower of Jesus
and he believes Jesus is Lord of his life. So you can be clear. Okay. What was this third
bullet point? Leadership qualities and abilities. Okay. That's a biggie. What does leadership
qualities look like to you? I think leadership qualities and can he take charge and can he,
for example, maybe plan the dates or know how to communicate well enough his thoughts or what he
wants and things like that. Yeah. And the only reason I'm asking you to think it out and even
type it out, because the more you're clear about what that means, the more, if you feel like he's
doing it or not doing it, or you need to see more of it, the clearer you can be with him. So somebody
have really good leadership skills or what they think is good leadership skills. Right. And it
might look more quiet than you realize. It might look
more reserved than you want, so he might be thinking he's leading you, but it may not
feel like you're being led.
So if you ever have a conversation and you're like, you know what?
I really feel like I need to be led a little bit more.
He might say to you, what does that look like for you?
And you want to just be ready.
Okay.
What's the next one?
Okay, that's good.
So here's the rule of thumb I want to see for all of you for physical intimacy.
It would be great if the person you talk to about sex is feeling the same way about you.
They're like, woo-hoo, we're both not going to have sex.
We're not going to go to second base.
If we don't share body parts, we're not touching it.
Good.
Chances are, you're going to have somebody who might have different boundaries at what's
acceptable and not acceptable.
Jackie and I don't have the same, like she's like, you're not swapping spit, are you?
I'm like, we're totally swapping spit.
But for me, it just wasn't my boundary, but it also wasn't a stronghold in my life.
And so if this is a person that you're going to be able to be married to, you're going
to want to be super clear on what's appropriate and not appropriate behavior.
And here's the answer you're hoping for at minimum.
Wow.
And this is where Brian was, you guys.
So Brian hadn't dated anybody for six years, but the last two women he dated after his
divorce, he slept with both of them and he didn't date them very long.
And so when I did the whole, hey, bucko, I'm not going on a vacation with you.
And by the way, we're not having sex.
His immediate response was, oh my gosh, you're right.
I've been praying to God for somebody.
Why wouldn't I expect that to be the answer?
Of course, we shouldn't be doing that.
So do you see how like he was convicted in the moment?
So that's the kind of answer.
Here's what you guys don't want to hear.
Oh, Amanda, really?
Okay.
So you know what?
If that's what you want to do, I really respect that.
I would be really careful on that one.
So here's what you can say.
Okay.
So I have a clarifying question, dude.
So if I'm horny and I say to you one night, like, hey, I changed my mind.
Let's go for it.
What are you going to do?
And if the guy, and this is true for men too, says, well, I guess I would go for it.
No, the answer is no, no, no, Amanda.
You said we weren't going to do that before we get married.
That's how much you want them to be on board, that they're going to hold you to that even
if you are the one that tries to get them to change their minds.
Does that make sense?
So I'm glad you have that on there, but I thought this was a good teaching moment for
y'all to be honest about this.
And like Jackie said, a couple of weeks ago, we try to not have you talk about sex too
soon, but if they behave sexual, they bring it up, then unfortunately you're going to
have that conversation.
And Brian brought it up within a week.
He was like, hey, maybe we can go on vacation next year.
And I was like, okay, bucko.
But I wouldn't have necessarily brought that up after a week.
Now, so anyway, what's your next one?
Has a high love, knowledge, and respect for the word.
Okay.
How much knowledge does he need to have?
Does he need to have a theology degree or does he need to know where degree 16 is?
I mean, at least know the word well enough.
You want to know that he's dabbled in the word, that it's a part of his practice, that
the word is part of his practice.
Right.
Yeah.
Because here's the thing, even Satan can quote scripture.
He knows it like the back of his hand.
So just because a person, and this is true for men and women, just because a person knows
scripture doesn't mean they're living out the word.
So you want to make sure that they are partaking the word and they are activating their life
around it.
That sounds a little bit more fluid than you looking for the theologian.
Right.
I mean, I've gone out on dates with people that ended up being an atheist and they would
then withdraw scripture at me.
So you'd be surprised at how many people have deconstructed, still know scripture really
well, but they're not living by it at all.
Okay.
What's the next one?
Pulls me closer to God.
That's perfect.
I love it.
Is that it?
Is that the last one?
The last one is pursues me with intention, clarity, and effort.
And I think that should be like at the top.
That's such an important.
or M1, you want somebody who pursues you.
That should be the most important thing
is somebody who's pursuing you with intention
and has clarity.
If he or she likes you, you're not confused.
We say this all the time.
If they like you, you're not confused.
So I spent a lot of time on her list
because did you guys see what I did there?
Like sometimes when we pick these things,
they're just so lofty.
So if that guy or girl says,
well, what does that mean to you?
If you can't explain what it means to you,
then it's really gonna be hard
for them to live up to that per se.
So that was good.
There was nothing horrible on your list.
I just helped you tweak it a little bit
and make sure in your head, you've got some clarity.
And ladies, let's just be careful too.
I showed my, you know, you talked about
you tore up your list.
I had a list 20 years ago
and I remember a few men said to me,
married men said this to me.
So you want a gay braveheart.
Like you want a guy who's braveheart.
He's all the masculine qualities of braveheart,
but he's sensitive like your gay male friends.
Like that guy don't exist, Renee.
And so you just wanna make sure,
so that's like my running joke to people.
You wanna make sure you're not looking for gay braveheart.
In the same way for guys, I would say,
okay, give me, I'm way too old
because my answer is men want Madonna
who acts like Donna Reed,
but I need a more present day version of like,
she's like the Hoochie.
She looks like the Hoochie,
but she's like the Proverbs 31 woman.
Like chances are, she's gonna be a little bit of both,
but maybe not all of both.
So it's the same idea.
We wanna make sure that we're being realistic.
Okay, Elizabeth, you're up.
Yes, so I have been working on putting together
a dating resume.
Okay.
So I'd love a little feedback on kind of the content
that I'm putting on there.
Okay.
So I'm just opening up with like my age,
never married, no children,
like some of the basics that someone would want to know
on a profile.
And then just like where I grew up,
where I currently live.
Wait, I wanna ask a question.
Yeah.
I wanna ask a question on that.
And I don't know the answer
and I don't know if there's a right answer.
Do we need to say never married people
or do we just need to say single?
Because you can say divorced.
You can say widowed.
I think it's okay to just say single.
Okay, because I sometimes people have connotations.
I know.
And so let's not put it in there
because I feel like I had to explain my,
really, so you've never been married?
Why have you never been?
Yeah.
It would have been easier if I said I was divorced twice.
Yeah.
And so let's not,
I think it's okay to put single,
no kids, but would welcome yours.
Yeah, and that's what I put open to having children,
love to be a bonus mom.
Great.
And then where I grew up, I'm open to relocating.
Great.
I just like very briefly,
like I own my own private practice,
spent three years.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay, and I say this as a former CEO.
So we have to be careful here.
We can't like, so you're a doctor?
A trauma therapist.
Oh, okay.
So,
I would put in medical care.
And that's a hard one with being a therapist
because people have so many connotations.
I know, so my concern,
so here's what I've seen happen with therapists is,
and this has happened to my girlfriend.
It happens if you're a therapist or a life coach,
sometimes you start talking to somebody
and you're like, wait a second,
am I coaching you right now, giving you therapy right now?
So this is just your profile.
This is just first pass, right?
So this isn't like, you can tell somebody on the first day,
oh, you're in medical, what do you do?
I'm a therapist.
I wouldn't even say trauma therapist
because all that's going to invite them to do
is talk about their trauma.
And that to me is a red flag.
Like, I don't want to be your therapist.
I'm doing my own work.
Like that's what ended a relationship that I was in
is like, it got to the point where I felt like
I was being this therapist and that just was not healthy.
Yeah, yeah.
You can just say private, you know,
medical private practice and leave it at that.
And let them think about whatever that might be.
Private practice and consulting in the medical field.
Perfect.
Okay, because I do, I have consulting that I do.
And it is okay, Elizabeth,
for you to not give the specific.
civics, even on a first date, what that is.
Yeah.
I'm just, you know what?
I am involved in medical care of some way,
but I'm actually gonna leave that behind
for the first couple of visits,
because I feel like if we go down that path,
we just start going into our resumes
and I would rather you get to know me for me
than the work I do.
Okay.
Especially since,
especially therapists, you get dragged into that so fast.
Yes.
And yeah, on my hinge, it's like,
Yeah.
Like I've put like,
I used to be the clinical director.
So I put director,
or now I'm like practice owner.
Like, so it's business things that are less described.
That's what I used to do.
I used to not say CEO of a pregnancy center.
I'd just be like, oh, nonprofit director.
Like I started getting way more vague.
Okay. Yeah.
And then, especially because a lot of,
when they hear no kids, they're like, do you?
So I put that I spent time as an elementary school teacher
and 10 years as a nanny.
And I found that has at least the feedback
I've gotten from men,
that that's like, they love hearing that nurturing side.
Yeah, that's good.
And then I just briefly put,
I came to know the Lord as a young child,
have continued to walk with him,
prayer and Bible reading are part of my daily life.
I want someone whose life is guided by the word
and the Holy Spirit.
Okay.
Mm, let's tweak that a little bit.
Okay.
I am, I want somebody who is equally guided by their faith
because you've just defined what it looks like for you.
And you're gonna say,
I'm looking for somebody who is equally
guided by their faith.
Okay.
Because again, it's back to that word and Holy Spirit.
You may have a guy that is more,
he is more connected to Jesus or God, the Father,
and not the Holy Spirit,
that doesn't count him out.
And yet he may feel inadequate.
Like Brian actually feels inadequate
with the word against me because I just finished seminary,
but he actually knows scripture better than me.
Yeah.
But if, you know what I'm saying?
So.
Yeah, I understand.
Cause I have a seminary degree.
Yeah.
So you're just looking for somebody
who is, who's, who's, who's equal to that.
Who can match that.
Who's, who says I'm all in,
I'm committed to following the Lord.
Yeah.
That's, that's what I'm looking for.
Yeah.
Cause you've defined what it is for you
and you're looking for somebody who is equally,
I'm looking for somebody who is equally
and similarly guided by their faith.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah.
And then I put, I'm really proud of who I've become
and who I am continuing to grow into.
I'm happy to share my story with my,
with that person as we can continue
to get to know one another.
Yeah.
Okay.
I loved it until you said you were going to share your story.
Um, so I guess what I was trying to.
It's like saying, you know, on your resume,
when you say references upon request,
well, we already know your references
are going to be on request.
So we already know getting to,
so tell me why you would put that on there.
I guess what I was trying to communicate is I don't,
I'm not planning to tell you all the details about how,
how I got to where I am or why I'm single now.
Like, I'm going to let that unfold
as we get to know each other.
I think you should let that,
the fact that you want that,
you don't want to have to state it
because the second you said,
I'll tell you the story as it unfolds.
The first thing I went to is,
ooh, I wonder what her story is.
So just take out that last sentence.
Just take out that last part of it.
Okay.
And then I just list hobbies that I'm into.
Perfect.
Some pictures of just me in those hobbies
so they can see like a little snapshot
of kind of some pictures of what life looks like for me
that like, it's vibrant, it's doing these things.
Yeah, perfect.
I've listed like some of my green flags.
Then I'm going to list,
so just values, physical, emotional, and spiritual health,
healthy communication skills,
has a therapist and mentors in my life.
Take out the has a therapist and a mentor.
Okay.
Again, we don't know what somebody else
might think about that.
Like, oh, she needs a therapist.
Yeah.
I mean, cause you've already said
that you've worked through stuff.
So like, you've already proven to me
that you're somebody that's works through stuff
by what you said.
Okay.
And then I'm just going to list like qualities
that like, I feel like just some general ones
that I think my friends would all share about who I am.
Great.
I love it.
And actually you could say what my friends
would say about me.
I like that.
What would my friends say about me?
So this way you're not saying it about yourself.
What would my friends say?
say about me.
And then this is the line that I might take out
and I'd love your feedback on.
You can expect clear communication,
a yes if I'm interested and no if I'm not,
I would hope for the same from you.
I love that.
Okay.
I'm blunt, but I love that, so.
Yeah.
And if you're kind of a direct person.
I am.
Then it won't offend the right person.
Yeah.
And then just, I put like what I'm looking for,
a masculine marriage-minded man
who's looking to date intentionally,
who wants to build a life and legacy,
or a home as a place of peace,
young adults are mentored and has lots of fun and laughter.
And that's kind of like,
this is the type of guy I'm looking for.
Okay.
So,
it's interesting,
because you know how a lot of you guys
posted your dating resumes with the Christmas card
and the Valentine's Day thing.
And I shared a few of them.
Here's what a few people said to me.
Wow, that's a lot.
They're looking for a lot.
And so,
I would make sure that you post it on the Facebook page
so we can see it in its totality.
So you want to make sure,
you want to make sure you're not asking for like,
the world.
You're not expecting the world.
And you want to make sure that what you said over here
about what you're looking for,
you don't reiterate over here.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, if you've already said over here,
you want a guy who's going to match your faith,
then you don't need to bring it up over here.
So just make sure in each of your sections,
you're sharing different things.
I also don't think that the dating resume needs to have,
you know how like Amanda just shared her preference list?
She would not put that list on her dating profile.
So just keep it about me on my dating resume.
Well, and you can keep it about you,
but if you're going to pick a few things
that are your deal breakers that you're looking for,
that, you know, I want somebody who's got a growth,
like some of those,
all of those that you had on there were great.
I'm just saying, you might want to narrow the list.
Okay, like growth minded.
Something that's going to be fun.
Something that-
Enjoys being physically fit.
Yes, like picks one from each of the categories,
like something that speaks to his physical fitness,
something that speaks to his faith,
something that speaks to him,
he's got a future like marriage legacy mindset.
Like pick one from each of those categories.
So he doesn't just see this list and he's like,
there's no way I'm that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
How many hoops am I going to have to jump through?
Right, right.
So, and that's good for all of you guys.
Think about that on your dating profiles,
your dating resumes, when you're letting your friends know,
you want to pick the highlights about you
and the highlights of what you're looking for.
You're not giving people your entire deal breaker list
and your entire preference list.
That will just be overwhelming to people.
Yeah, yeah.
No, this is really helpful.
Thank you.
No, I can't wait to see it.
And photos,
cause I just helped somebody else with their photos.
You want to make sure you are smiling.
If that's the person you're projecting,
that's what you want to project.
You want to make sure those are crisp, clear photos.
If you're going to be in a group photo
and you really want that photo,
and it's not obvious that you are you,
make sure you add a little arrow that points to you
and make sure you're the hottest one in the group.
So make sure you don't do a picture
and everybody else is hotter than you.
Don't do that.
So the picture where your friends don't like,
it wasn't a good angle for your friends,
but it was a good angle for you.
That's the picture you put in there.
Just kidding.
All right, Elizabeth.
I can't wait to see it.
Okay, Tammy, you're up.
Where'd you go, Tammy?
Can't unmute.
Finally, I'm muted.
Jeez.
I was going to find the button.
Yeah, I keep encountering these guys
that like me first or act like they're all interested,
and then they suddenly just stop responding
or they start doing these hi and real short little comments
like they're not even starting a conversation.
I mean, they liked me first.
What's the deal?
I mean, how do I get them to keep responding or something?
Here's what people do.
And when they're looking at some photos,
especially Facebook, you guys,
because you can't go to the next one
without deciding about the first one.
You can't say yes.
You can't just skip it.
You have to decide yes or no.
So this is what I've been told.
And men, I've got Kenton right in front of me.
Y'all can tell me if I'm wrong.
This is what men have said.
They do. Hot, not hot, hot, not hot.
Like they just they're that's how fast they're deciding yes, no.
They're actually not deciding
if they actually want to have a conversation with you yet.
They're not going that far.
Some are. Some of the really intentional ones are.
Some of the really intentional ones are.
So when a guy likes me,
I would then like them back,
but then I would wait for them to initiate conversation.
I would not initiate conversation.
I was on Bumble.
I would say, hey, it looks like we both liked each other.
Go ahead and look at my profile.
If you still want to talk, I'm game.
So in a way, I still lobby the ball back in their court.
And if they don't like respond to me, I move it along.
If all I get is just a few hey, hey, hey's and it doesn't go anywhere.
I usually say, hey, I'm looking to only date in real life.
So unless this is going to move to an actual live video conversation
or in-person date, I'm just going to wish you well.
And I promise you, Tammy, plenty of men did that to me. Plenty.
Now, if that's all you're getting.
Then I need you to put your profile
on the Facebook page or the app so we can walk through with you
to see what you might be attracting that's not getting somebody
who's actually wanting to start a conversation with you.
Does that mean?
So, yeah, sometimes I see guys will say things like that in their profile
and they'll like me, will like each other back
and we'll start a brief little chat.
But then in the next couple of days, it just like fizzles out.
And I don't know, am I supposed to wait for them to respond?
Or I feel like just being real blunt, like some of them are in their profiles
and saying, hey, like you just said, you know, I'm here for in-person dates.
But I was afraid to be that blunt.
Also, I didn't want to be.
I mean, you don't lose.
I mean, I think you don't want to be rude, but like, hey, you know what?
I just wanted to let you know that for me, I'm using this platform
to meet people in real life.
I'm not sure where you're at in your dating story,
but I'm looking to meet people in real life.
If you don't think you want to move to a video chat or an in-person date,
I wish you the very best.
And then I just stop conversation with them and I move it along.
If that's all you're getting, though, and you're not getting anybody
that wants to book a video date with you, that's where I'm going to ask you
to be brave and show us what's in your photos and in your profile
so we can help see if there's anything we can tweak
to attract different kinds of men.
Now, I don't get all that.
I just get a lot of that because I go on and look at like some guys first
to someone overwhelming myself with that.
And I don't know who might be.
I mean, I just I can only handle talking to so many people at one time.
So I only focused on people who liked me back and initiated conversation.
There were a few times I initiated a conversation and it never worked for me.
So I'm a data pool of one.
But I actually went out on live dates with men
who actually initiated a conversation with me.
So I just learned to just wait.
And if I didn't hear from them, then chances were
it wasn't that interested or something else.
Remember, we're in a swipe world, you guys.
There are going to be inundated.
Somebody else is going to catch third.
If somebody else catches their attention, then we just move it along.
So I would say, are you getting to video dates?
Me, yes, or live down.
Well, I did.
Funny story, but it's too long to tell here.
I'll post in the group, but yeah, I have one guy that's like
oh, my goodness.
I'm just saying I'm just saying, Tammy, if you're.
Oh, yeah, he wants to date with me, but I'm not sure it's for the right reason.
Let's put it that way.
Well, then there's a Christian.
He's a gentleman, blah, blah, blah.
And then that's weird like that.
He's politically conservative, he says.
But he wants to.
He knows in 15 minutes to know if he can have a future with you or not, he says.
It sounded to me like infatuation or leading with hormones or something.
We discussed this back and forth.
Sorry. Was this only by text or was this in a phone call or video?
This is a long text, long, thoughtful responses, which I do appreciate.
But so remember, it's kind of hard for me to date on Friday night.
This is exactly kind of a conflict.
OK, let's get together any day.
OK, so this is why I don't like long texting conversations right here,
because I don't like when you guys say long, thoughtful conversations.
You can have a couple, but if you're not sure what their intentions are,
that's why you need to be on camera with them.
That's why you need to be in person with them, because.
Well, it worked out well, though.
I'm glad I didn't meet with them when I was going to.
But so that's the thing.
So if you want to change the kind of men that are getting on the call with you
or on a in-person date with you, post your profile.
let us help you through it then. Okay? I'll probably need to update it again because my
opinions of things that I shouldn't say have kind of changed a bit. I need to look at it again
anyway. Perfect. Perfect. And put it in the group and we'll help you out. Yeah. Okay. The other
thing is, do you think, because I have a wig that I just got that I'm not used to yet because my
hair is really thin. So, um, do you want, I have my profile picture of me with my wig on for a
minute, but I'm not used to it yet. So if I wear it for a long time, it starts itching me. They
think I'll have dandruff. So, um, I would say whenever you mentioned that when I'm going to
date with somebody before the date, should I mention that or should I just not? Okay. Yeah.
Women wearing wigs and men wearing toupees is a very personal thing. So whatever you are going
to show up as a dating person, that's how you need to present on your photos. So my sister
wears wigs now. She like, she decided I don't want to deal with my gray hair. My hairs gets
too frizzy in the bad weather. And you know what? She like rocks like 12 different wigs.
Wow. She don't care. Cause she's like, her hair always looks amazing. And she gets compliments
wherever she goes. And she's like, Oh, thank you. While my hair gets all frizzy. But so she would
not post profile photos of her without her wigs, but she also would not tell people on a date that
she's wearing a wig either. So I felt that's a private thing that it's like somebody saying,
well, these are implants. I just want to do that. So however, you're going to show up on dates
is how you want to present in your photos. And that's, that's true for everybody. Okay. Nora,
you're up. Hello. Um, I, I have a dating scenario question. Is that okay to ask? Or is that like
off topic? Okay. Okay. Okay. Just checking. So, um, yeah, I, I had this situation come up. Um,
so I've been posting on Tik TOK a lot, um, just about like different things in my life, like
food reviews and all this stuff. And I've been having a lot of fun with it. And like,
just by proxy of, you know, chasing my passion, I've been like connecting with other people that
are like similar minded, which is really cool. And so there's this one guy that I, um, connected
with randomly. He's a guy that posts about like hiking. He just like loves to go outside and he
hikes and stuff. And so, um, we started following each other and like, I saw that he was posting a
group hike. So I'm going to go on that, but yeah, he started being a little bit like flirty with me.
And so at first I was like, Oh, I don't know if he likes me or I don't know if he's interested or
what, but he like liked to post that I had put about, um, wearing my I'm single hat and like
talking about loving Jesus. So it was like, okay, potential, you know, friend, but it could
potentially be like, I don't, he might be interested. Like he commented, like, I'll keep
an eye out for you or something. Um, anyways, so yeah, we've been messaging a little bit. And he
was like, you know, I can't wait to meet you. Um, and so yeah, and, and then he, um, and I was sort
of not like, I was just trying to play be chill. Like, okay, maybe, maybe he's interested. Maybe
he's a friend, like either way, I'm just excited to like, get out there and meet people. Um, but
then he messaged me today and was like, asking if I wanted to hang out afterwards. And so like,
I think he wanted to like, go stand up paddleboarding or something. So I said,
I think that's intentional. Yeah. Yeah. I think stuff, flirting, doing group thing.
It could go either way. It could be, I think if somebody is trying to book private time with you,
I feel like that's him trying to say, Hey, I'd like to say now remember that private time is
still discovery. Yeah. You guys might hang out one-on-one and go, oh my gosh, we don't align
on other things or whatever. Yeah. But I would go. Yeah. Okay. I totally agree. And I, yes,
I appreciate that. And so I had a few questions about just that because it's out in the wild,
I don't have like his stats of like his age. Like a lot of times people think that I'm younger than
I am. And it's like, okay, I'm 37. Like, I don't know. And also his faith. I don't know if he's a
Christian, even though he likes stuff that I posted like comments that I made about my faith. So I'm
curious about that. And also I was like looking a little bit more on his page and I think he might
be like living off the grid. I don't know, but I'm sort of like, I think I just started getting
in my head a little bit of like, is this guy like, does he have a house? Like, is he homeless?
I don't know. Like he seems cool. They call it unhoused now. Oh, sorry. I'm totally messing
with you. I mean, here is the, here is the downside of meeting somebody in the wild.
We have no idea where they are in their singleness and what desire is. So after spending some time
with him, say he asks to do something again. Yeah. This is where I see I'm a Yankee. I would
be super blunt because I have been on.
I've been on what I thought were dates.
Like there was this guy years ago.
He took me out to like happy hour.
Like, it was just like this third time.
We actually paddle boarded.
And then we did things together.
And then during our third, what I thought was a date,
he told me about his girlfriend.
And I was like,
what?
I said, wait, I'm sorry.
You have a girlfriend?
He goes, yeah.
I go, are we on a date?
And he goes, oh no,
I thought we were just friends hanging out.
I'm like, no, I know.
I'm like, I don't just hang out.
Like, no.
Yeah.
And he was, anyway, we had a good laugh about it.
So I have learned since then,
if he asks you out a second time,
it is okay to say like,
hey, I just want to ask a clarifying question
and I'm okay with the answer.
Like, I just want you to be completely honest.
Like, are you just looking like,
obviously I'm single.
I don't know if you're,
I'm assuming you're single too.
I'm in a season of my life
where I'm looking to date with intention.
And I really don't prefer to hang out one-on-one with men
unless it's in a pursuing dating situation.
Like, I don't mind being pals with guys,
doing a group thing,
but I'm not going to create one-on-one friendships with men
while I'm in a season of pursuing dating.
And then this way, if he says,
oh no, I think we're just friends.
You're like, okay, no problem.
Then I'm just going to want to hang out with you in a group.
Or you find out, he's like, well, actually I thought this,
and he might say, well, I thought this was a date.
Awesome.
I was hoping that you would say that.
Now I'm saying yes to the second date.
So I will say, you guys, sometimes we don't want to,
like, it's all how you,
if you say it with the right tone and inflection
and like, it's letting people off the hook,
but it saves you so much confusion of wondering,
am I on a date or not on a date?
And I hate to tell you this,
we used to know if we were on dates before,
but like, now there's like hanging out
and there's like, you know, I mean, yeah, we won't go there,
but anyway, you got it, Dora, keep us posted.
Thank you.
Okay, Lydia.
Hello.
Hi.
Okay, I just have a quick question
and it's just because I've come across this here and there.
Obviously at some point in level two,
you want to bring someone in front of your community
and just put other people's eyes on them.
And something I've come across is sometimes these guys,
their availability would never allow for that,
just like in their schedule.
Well, how are they having time for you then?
Right, and that's, it's something that comes up,
like I get to the first date and it's like, is this your,
like, I ask, is this your schedule all the time?
Because I don't see how this is sustainable
in the long run.
Yeah, so are you having that problem
even on a second and third date with just you
or are you having this problem
when you mentioned hanging out with other people?
It's more like when I'm on the date with them,
like, because it's like to get to the first date,
sometimes they're like, okay, here's my schedule.
And I'm like, is that their schedule all the time?
So, you know, I end up asking them about that.
It's, you know what?
I think people sometimes really wanna be in a relationship,
but they don't realize that it takes time and energy
to date somebody.
So it's like, they want the boyfriend or the girlfriend,
but they don't wanna do the work
to get to the boyfriend or girlfriend.
And so sometimes, you know, it is,
I think it's okay to say, hey,
it seems like it's becoming really difficult
for us to schedule time together.
Do you really have capacity to date somebody?
Because I'm in a season of life
where I'm actually intentionally making time to date.
I certainly don't need to see you every single day,
but I wanna make sure that you're in a season of life
where you're making time and you have time to date.
Now, if they say to you, yes, I'm making intention in time,
then you kind of have to trust them on that
and see how close those dates are getting lined up.
You really don't wanna bring in your posse
to go on dates with you.
I would say get past at least four dates with somebody
before you start bringing in other couples.
It was just kind of the forethought of like,
if you're only available on this day and this day,
I'm never gonna be able to bring you in front of people
that I know, just, you know.
Well, what days would they be available?
It was like Monday evening and Thursday evening.
Okay, so he was never gonna have a Friday
or Saturday night date with you?
Oh, because shared parenting situation.
Why?
So he has the kids every weekend?
He has his son every weekend.
So that's where I was like,
I don't know if that would be sustainable long run.
Well, that, I mean, that's.
your decision, right? Like, do you want to date somebody that you're never going to get
to see on the weekends? No. I mean, and that's, that would be hard for me too, because a lot
of people, that's your most relaxing time. Right. So I think that's okay to say, you
know what, I get that you've got kids, but you're telling me you don't have one weekend
a month free. So I don't see how we would be able to progress in a dating relationship.
So hopefully that's not happening to a lot. No, it's not a lot, but you know, here and
there does come up. Is it, is it because of kids usually? Sometimes it's their work schedules
really weird. Sometimes it's, it's all sorts of things. Well, again, I go with the, the,
the phrase that Jackie always says, if he, Brian had three jobs when I met him and he
made, he made time and he lived three and a half hours away. So if he likes you, he
will make time for you. No matter how crazy his schedule is. So you'll watch his behavior
and his behavior will tell you the answer. So if he seems invested, if he seems intentional,
give him a chance. But if he's telling you right up front, I'm never going to be available
for weekends. That might be a deal breaker for you. And that's okay. If it is like you're
not being selfish, right? Okay. That's kind of what, what I was leaning towards. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. It's fair. Okay. Angela.
Hi. I'm not really sure what I was going to ask you. Cause everything that's coming up,
I'm like, Oh, maybe I should ask in that direction. So one of the problems I do get
with the online dating is I get a lot of people who I try to be open to that I would move,
but I'm in Texas and we're so far from everything, especially out of state. And I don't have that
kind of schedule where I could travel to meet them. But I keep meeting people and I don't think
that they're actually real people. And it's happened a lot. Are you getting into video
dates with them? Yes. I have some, some, and some I've struggled to get a video date, but
there's not much that happens after that. The ones that you're struggling to get a video date,
I would, and they're not close enough to see you in person. I would just move it along.
Can you change your parameters so that you're only getting somebody up to three hours away?
I, I tried. Well, it's just a matter of not selecting them. And that's what I do.
Um, cause, uh, I'm in the, I'm on the coast. So Houston is almost everything is like within three
hours away. Yeah. So, I mean, if you would pick, you could keep your parameters at three hours
and just not respond to anybody that's further away than that. Um, especially if you really
want to date in real life, if you are only, if you are, have you in the last, I don't know how long
you've been doing it. Have you gotten on any quality dates? I have been on a couple of dates.
Um, I have went on one that was two times with the same person and, um, I've, uh, one that I
thought was a good date, but, uh, we did not go any further. You, you know, he was a nice person,
but I don't think we were the right for each other. Um, and, um, I had one where we had been
talking on the phone for quite a bit and we finally met up, but then, uh, there was something
that was revealed to me, um, about him. And I said, no, I'm sorry. I can't do that anymore,
but we did meet. I'm sorry. Can he tell you something about himself?
Um, he was taking pictures of me without my permission. And I told him he needed to send my,
send the pictures. And there were some, uh, pictures of him taking of my butt. And I'm like,
I'm surprised you sent, he sent it. But I told him, I said, defend it. See, I love when things
like that happen because the Holy spirit makes them be honest because really he should, he just
outed himself with you. Yes. So, so if you feel like you're not getting, and I'll say the same
thing to you that I said to Tammy, and this is for anybody. If you feel like you're only getting
unhealthy people.
only getting scammers, only getting weirdos.
Then please put your profile photo and your bio on the page
and let us see if we can help you to see if something that you're saying
or a look that you're doing is drawing
an only unhealthy people because, well,
there's something that you're saying or not, or the people that you're swiping on.
We would be telling you, go, girl, run.
What the hell were you doing, swiping on that guy?
I've been trying to be very open on it because we're normally open.
What do you mean by, well, like, even if I'm not that attracted to them,
I try to read their profile and I might not be attracted to them.
Physically, I don't try to,
you know, swipe them away.
I try to make sure that I'm giving, you know, because I don't know.
So, Angela, I want to make sure you're looking for character.
You're not talking on the phone very long.
You're not texting very long.
You're moving right to a video date or a live date really quickly.
I think that's what I'm not doing.
I'm not. I think I might be talking too long.
The ones that are local, we can meet up.
I mean, one recently, he wanted to meet
immediately, like coming over from Houston.
And it threw me off
because I was like, whoa, OK, I just want to find out first.
But I was like, we should waste that time.
I will say I will tell you this.
I got to the point where if men wanted to meet right away
and they were willing to come to me, I would meet up at a coffee shop
nearby during the day.
I'm like, OK.
Now, sometimes that backfires because they find out stuff about you
and or you find out something about them.
You're like, man, I would have cleared this up real fast in a phone call
or a video date.
Yeah. And that's what I was thinking.
I'd rather talk a little bit.
Because there are some men in certain age brackets
that just feel really uncomfortable with the video.
And they're like, man, I'm old school.
I'd rather just meet you out for coffee or meet you out for a walk.
And so then I'm like, OK, like if they're willing to come to me,
make it easy for me that I'm going to pick something.
I'm going to pick a place I like.
I'm going to pick a thing I like to do.
So even if the dates a bust, I still have a good experience.
So that's going to be my encouragement to you, Angela, is
get to videos or in live dates much more quickly.
And if you're not getting enough quality,
send us your profile and all your photos.
And if we think it's all perfect, then what we might do is
are asking you to send us screenshots of the guys that you're liking back.
And we might be saying, sister, what are you doing?
And so it's it's if you're consistently getting garbage, we need to help you.
And so that's the only way we're going to be able to do it.
Is it pretty? Is that how I say it?
You're up, girl. Yeah, pretty.
So I'm also a little confused about what I should ask you,
but I'll go with the original question, which is you can ask me whatever you want.
OK, so the list, the list.
I'll talk to you. OK, you can give me a list.
Because I am also in the same situation.
I really haven't had an actual date since September.
And so like I really like don't know what else I can do.
So I will put my profile up.
And then if I have some feedback, that would be great.
So in terms of my criteria or my my list and like I've seen normally,
like I've not even had a chance to discuss this with someone
because it's not even like our conversations haven't even gone.
Are you are you online? Is that where you're so you're online?
Yeah, I'm trying everything.
OK, so I do all my colleagues like if they know someone.
OK, yeah. OK, so when you go online,
how far into the process are you usually getting with men?
I mean, so I'm mostly on Bumble, so like the women has the first move.
Right. So like I'll introduce myself in a very fun, casual way.
I'm generally like fun and casual person.
So that's not a problem.
And then it doesn't really go anywhere much like they ask you, how was your week?
How's your weekend?
Like the weather is this, the weather is that.
And that's kind of it.
And then it kind of fizzles out.
I do like I do send them reminders like after a few days
and then I kind of see how they respond and if the response is.
OK, so I will not spend a remind.
OK, I would not send reminders.
OK, so here's how I think you should do Bumble.
Yeah, because it is you initiating.
Yeah. You know what I noticed?
that we both matched each other.
Here's a little bit more about me.
Go ahead and check out my profile.
If you wanna keep talking, get back to me.
If not, I wish you the best.
Okay.
Because I feel like that kind of forces them
just a little bit more to go,
only contact me if you're interested.
And so if they only respond to your questions,
but they initiate nothing,
and they're not trying to drive the conversation,
they're just being polite, let them move on.
Okay.
Yeah.
So if you're not getting past that,
send us your photos, let's see your bio,
because you're adorable and you're cute,
so you should be getting some dates.
Also be willing to do like that speed dating option
and or those group dinners,
because I could just tell you
have a really good energy about you,
you just need to get in front of men.
Like they, I can feel your energy even from this video.
Oh yeah, yeah.
I'm the golden retriever in people.
You know, like I'm high energy.
Yeah.
Okay.
So do you wanna hear my list or no?
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
Yes, I'm old.
Give me the list.
Okay.
So the first on the list is like a believer.
And like by that, I mean,
I really do wanna have like a common expression
of daily faith and what that looks like.
Kindness is really important to me
in terms of like how people,
like I'm in the business of people.
And so respecting, like it's my day job
to respect people and work for people.
So like, that's kind of really important for me.
Growth mindset.
And I mean, I cannot tell you,
and it's probably the experience of many people here,
but like I kind of struggle
because like I find men don't have any hobbies anymore.
Like they don't, you know, they don't have interests.
Like it's really,
because like I used to use this word ambitious before
and I kind of got some feedback
that it can be a little bit negative and aggressive.
And so like, I just find like growth mindset
is a little bit like growth in everything.
Yeah, I like growth mindset.
Here's the problem with hobbies, you guys,
especially at certain ages,
people are working their butts off right now
and they're exhausted.
Like, you know, and now they're back in the office.
But reading a book, right?
Like, I mean, can be a hobby.
And so, well, I know.
Okay.
Here's my honest truth, you guys.
You know what I used to do for my hobbies?
I used to say things on there that I literally,
I would say things that I would love to do
that I was not making time to do at all.
I was running a nonprofit, working like a dog,
and I was active in my church.
I love to go to the beach.
I love to hike.
I love to go sailing.
I was doing none of that.
So I was a big fat liar.
And so, you know what I'm saying?
So if somebody says to you,
they're not sure what their hobbies are,
it might be because they're just stuck
in a season of their life where they're just getting,
you know what I'm saying?
So, but that's why I like the growth mindset.
And so you might want to, I mean,
when you get to that point, you can ask questions like,
okay, on vacation, what do you like to do?
What do you like to do on dates?
If you didn't have your job, what kind of things,
what kind of activities would you like to pick up?
Because people are just so worn out right now.
And I don't know about y'all, but-
I asked them like what brings them joy?
Because I feel like that could be
like eating their favorite food.
Or like, you know-
Just keep, when you're texting,
keep the questions really simple.
Oh yeah, this is not for, yeah,
I don't have any of these questions for texting normally.
Yeah.
I can't talk through these.
Well, and you guys, even that though,
like what brings you joy?
That's a really big,
do you guys realize how big that question is?
Like I'm sitting here going, what brings Renee joy?
Like if I'm in a weird season in my life,
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know if anything's bringing me joy right now.
Like that's my honest answer.
You know what I'm saying?
Like we want to be, like all those dating questions,
like if you guys go back to all the single spotlights
I used to do that are in the archives,
like all those fun, silly questions,
those are the kind of questions you want to be asking
in the first few dates.
And so if they seem stuck on a question
like what brings you joy,
then go like dumb it down a little bit further.
Like, okay, so would you rather play baseball
or go play tennis?
Would you rather get out a board game
or would you rather, you know, go like help them?
Because sometimes like, even if you said to me,
Renee, what's your favorite meal?
I don't know, I like 5,000 meals.
I can't pick one.
Like, I'm just like, I like food, all of it.
And so just make sure we're not,
I mean, we think they're fun questions
because we already know our answers to them.
But sometimes like people haven't dreamed in a while. So we just want to make sure we're not asking questions that
People just fall in but anyway, but you're not getting there. So we're gonna help you with your profile and
we're gonna make sure you get on some fun dates and
And that's maybe something you guys can do
In the Facebook page, but maybe the next time I'm with you guys, we're gonna focus on that
I want you to bring to me. What are the first 20 questions you ask?
Whether it's the the texting the video call the days. I want to we want to start to see the questions. You're asking people. I
Want to see if you're I want to see if you're scaring people
But Peter you're adorable you're gonna find your person I just know it okay Rosanna
Are you still there girl?
I'm here. I'm sorry. Hi
So I just have a couple little questions so I am
Or maybe it's growth on this
so I was listening to something that of because I meant I'm new ish to phase three and I was listening you were actually talking
about stuff with Bethany and
Jackie and it was like stuff that we need to let go of so that we can have more breakthrough
and I felt like the Lord pulling on me to tell me to get off the dating apps and I was like
No, I don't want to and then I was hoping to FaceTime a guy yesterday and that didn't happen
He never called me even though he said he was like, I'll do it after church and
After 8 p.m. And I'm like, okay, so it was after 8 and then 9 happened and I was like, okay
Maybe he's just done now and then 10 and 1045. I'm like, yeah, this is gonna happen and then he didn't say anything today
So I didn't even reach out
but I will say like there's growth in that because I used to take these personally and I'm like
What's wrong with like you seem like you were interested
You told me you're interested and then I wanted to move on to a FaceTime before we actually met up and then it didn't happen
And my sister's like maybe it's you know, God God's grace on that which is it could be but I think like
I haven't been on a date probably in what are we? Oh my gosh. It's almost June
I would say like three months and like I just really want to go out and I did have my school reunion
Which was wonderful, but like I suppose it's just oh, did you wear one of those dresses?
Did I wore option number two? I didn't wear the underskirt with it to make it poofy
I just let it to be to my silhouette. I
Watched it in replay and then I went to the page to see your dresses and you looked hot in all of them, but okay
I'm a words of affirmation girl, so I appreciate it
I guess it's just like so I'm bummed that honestly, I would love to go on a date
I would love a man to ask me out. Are you so are you on dating apps?
I literally so when I felt that urge yesterday because I felt they're like
What is God asking to give like to give up and I honestly felt like he was like get off the apps right now
So I'm on the book
modern modern dating sex group
And so I'm gonna I think I need to do that just so I can
Yeah throughout and learn about my patterns and what script I'm on
I don't think fairy tale passive and and cool girl or what a chill girl
So we're working I'm gonna work on that and I think that is that six weeks or is that it's gonna be a five-week program?
So now I'm gonna start chapters three or chapter two and so it just started. So we're talking basically the month of June
Basically, yeah, and if somebody asked me on I'm totally gonna go out
I would love for a guy to approach me, but that doesn't why don't you try that that?
Why don't you try the the dating dinners that I we all talked about at the front end of the session tonight?
Oh, yeah, I did one of those time left. That was fantastic. You know, I don't even think about that
I probably could do that. I
Some of those kind of things this month like if you're not supposed to be on the date a dating app, that's fine
But like do other stuff then yes, I do. I want to go out. I would love to go to a concert
I want to check out festival. I want to do stuff as an adult woman because I have my five children and so
Google in your town adult activities. Okay careful how I just said that
You know what I mean though because I'm in Nashville
It's been so successful like down at the factory
They've been doing line dancing for singles on Monday nights and it got so popular
that they have they're having to use a bigger hall and
and like there's like this open-air bar with it and so again, you never know because that's gonna bring in the
Secular and faith-based audience so you never know
But while you're in this season, this is just getting your practice on so
Finding things to do in the month of June
That may be more group led so you can get your practice on you can get like, you know
adult simulation
And then you'll be ready to go maybe back on the apps in July
Yeah, I'm definitely excited
for that, and I do want this to be a summer of love.
I'm not, because I'm not nixing the apps.
I'm going to revamp after I've learned this.
But I wanted to do adult activities as a woman, you know?
I would make that a priority in this month,
because I'm sure every week that you guys are doing
the book club and with all of this,
you're cleaning stuff every day.
Absolutely, and I want to put it into practice now.
So I'm going to a movie night, a family movie night tomorrow.
You never know who could be there.
I don't know, but like, I just, it's, I don't know.
I just, like, I got bummed,
but at least I was able to get over it faster
and didn't take it as personal.
And I think it's because of this group.
So maybe that's all.
No, that's good.
And you guys, like, also find places,
like they just opened up,
it's called the Boozy Bookstore in my town.
So it's like a place where you can read books
and get a glass of wine.
I'm like, I'm all, like, I think that's so much fun.
I go to a place, I'm like a lounge lizard at Stable Reserve.
It is a coffee shop up until about three o'clock
and it's a distillery and they also have music.
So I've written so many papers from that place.
I just learned to start hanging out.
And you'd be surprised if you sit at the bar,
how many people you can just have
random conversations with.
Now, none of them turned into my person,
but I think it helped me learn how to flirt better
and how to be comfortable in my own skin and confident.
So I would say if you want adult stimulation,
find places like that,
that are gonna put you in settings,
not just coffee shops, like places that are more,
that got more like swanky vibe to it kind of thing.
And you'll have a good time.
Okay, Carol.
Hi.
So I just met a guy this last weekend,
which is really great.
He's six hours away from me.
So we met halfway.
The date went really well, which,
so I want to see him again.
And he's said the same thing.
My question is, how important is it that he comes to me
before I go to him?
He lives in the mountains.
I'm in the middle of Nebraska.
It's very rural where I live.
There's more to do where he's at.
I'm on summer break cause I'm a teacher.
So I can travel a little bit more.
I want you to be safe.
Okay.
Cause I just all of a sudden, I just said,
you said the mountains and I'm like, okay,
I just saw a Netflix movie about this.
Yeah.
Get off Netflix.
Like in Denver.
He's in the city, but.
Okay, he's in the city.
Okay.
Yeah.
I would say if you're going to go,
has he offered to come to you?
No, not yet.
We just know that we want to meet again.
And I am wondering.
I would wait to see what he offers.
If he offers to come to you,
let him come to you first.
Okay.
If he offers to come to you.
Now, if he says,
I would love to show you my town first.
I can come up with a bunch of fun things to do.
Make sure you pick very public things to do.
Your life 360.
You're not going to get in his car.
You're going to kind of be safe about that.
So don't suggest to go to him first.
Don't be the one to say,
well, you've got more in your town.
It doesn't matter.
You're not trying to, you're not a tourist.
You're trying to get to know him.
And so my hope would be that he would come to you.
My preference is that the man comes to you first.
That's my preference.
It's not a deal breaker,
but it is a preference.
You guys met halfway the first time.
How long was the date?
Longer than it needed, than it should have been.
That's how we really connected, but.
No apologies.
I mean, you drove three hours.
So I would expect the date to be at least three hours.
I mean, before you go back in the car and turn around.
Yeah.
The problem with a six hour date
is someone's going to have to stay overnight, probably.
Right.
So if he wants you to come to him,
then if you're driving six hours,
he's paying for your hotel.
Okay.
That would be my compromise.
Like, hey, you know, I have a lot to do this time.
You know what?
I would be willing to come to you.
Would you be, well, I would be willing to drive to you.
Would you be willing to cover my hotel?
Okay.
And I would pick a hotel versus an Airbnb
because this way he's not coming up to your room.
It's not a private house.
You can, he can drop you off in the lobby.
It's all safe.
Yeah.
Yeah. Perfect.
Awesome. Well, keep us posted.
I'm excited.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Marley.
Hi.
Two things.
So the first one is I received.
Some invites of people on Facebook who want to match as friends, what do I do with that?
Like people of the opposite sex?
Yeah, well, yes, yes, yes. Actually both, but I'm talking mostly people of the opposite sex.
It's a very personal thing. For me, I tend to only accept friend requests.
And just so you guys know, if you try to friend request me, Jackie just prefers that staff does not accept friend requests.
So don't feel like I'm slighting you if I don't accept your friend request.
99% of my posts are public anyway, so if you want to see what's going on in my life, just come to my page.
Anyway, so how I felt, in general, I tend to only accept friend requests of people who know a good chunk of people I know.
I have personally not accepted friend requests from people who are complete strangers.
Now, when I was running Hope Clinic and I used to do a lot of speaking engagements and I kind of viewed my Facebook page, and I still do,
I consider my Facebook and my Instagram pretty public because the kind of work I used to do.
I wanted to be accessible. It also means that whatever I post on Instagram and Facebook, I'm willing for the entire world to know.
So that's kind of how I treat it. So I'm a little bit more lenient.
So I'd say do what you think is safe to do.
But if they slip into your DMs and start talking to you, if they're trying to sell something to you or whatever, and you're not interested,
I've also accepted friend requests and then immediately blocked people too.
Then all of a sudden, they're just creepy and weird and you're like, and unfollow, and unfriend, and block.
So it's really what feels comfortable for you.
Okay. Those that I'm talking about are through Facebook dating.
Yeah.
Oh, what?
Yes.
No.
You can match as friends. Yeah.
Yeah.
Then not be Facebook friends. It's not that.
Well, I mean, that would be a no for me.
Okay, perfect.
This would be me. I don't need more friends.
Okay. Thank you. Thank you.
And the second thing is that I've gone on two dates now.
So the first one was on a coffee date.
The second one was on a dinner date.
I asked a question last week, and that's the man who had initiated, who wanted to kiss me after the second date.
And Jackie had said, well-
I heard that. I heard that whole conversation. Yep.
So the texting has been very irregular since.
But on Monday, he said, oh, I'd like to take you out for a movie.
So on Monday, he said, I want to take you out for a movie during the weekend.
But during the week, I barely hear from him.
So it was on Tuesday.
I asked if he wanted to hop on a video chat, and he said he was just about to go to bed.
So what was my schedule like the following day?
And I told him 7.30. He said, that works.
7.30 came.
I called. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.
Yes. So I called.
And there must have been a problem with FaceTime because it didn't go through.
So he waited.
I waited.
And then I sent a text.
And I said, are we still chatting, video chatting?
And he said, well, I was waiting for you.
I'm thinking, what?
Now, girl, you don't need to be doing the heavy lifting here.
You're doing too much heavy lifting here.
So if he wants to take you out on a date, he's going to book the date.
And if the texting conversation isn't going anywhere, I would just see this again.
This is me being super blunt.
Like, hey, you know what?
As I said earlier, I'm looking to date in real life.
So let me know if you're up to a date and if we have specifics for Saturday.
I look forward to seeing you.
I would not.
Like, especially once you've had that date and he did the kiss thing and you didn't give him a kiss,
I would be really waiting to see how he drives this right now.
He's got to prove to you that he can be a gentleman and he can pursue you.
So if I were you, I'd be watching how he drives the ship.
Right.
So we had that missed attempt at the video chat, but ended up having the video chat, which lasted an hour.
Right.
but I haven't heard since.
So I've decided I'm not initiating anything at this point.
I'm not confirming or asking questions
about the weekend or anything.
Because when he suggested the movie,
I said, I found a way to suggest something else
where we would not be in the dark.
And I-
And you don't wanna do a movie as a second date.
Like you don't need to be doing a movie
in the first four dates.
You wanna be doing dates
where you can continue to have a conversation.
You can go bowling, you can play pool,
you can go to the art gallery, you can go whatever.
I suggested mini pot and he said, okay.
So he liked the idea of going potty.
That's what we may or may not be doing this weekend.
I want him to,
I really want him to pick up the woo with you.
I'm not liking that you had to initiate the video date.
I'm not liking that he was going to bed.
I'm not liking that he, FaceTime wasn't working
and he was waiting for you.
I'm just, I'm sensing some excuses here
and I'm sensing just a little bit of breadcrumbing
that he's doing with you.
So I want him to really step up to the plate for you.
Thank you.
That was the sense that I was getting.
That's what you deserve.
And you guys, we all do it.
We start to help.
Oh, maybe I wasn't clear or, oh wait,
I haven't heard from him.
So is the date happening or not?
Again, remember we said a guy or girl is going to be clear.
You're not going to be confused.
If you're starting to get confused,
it means they're not being clear.
And so we don't want unclear people in our life.
All right.
It is eight, it's a 27 after hour.
Hunter, you're going last.
And then I'm going to ask Cheryl
to make sure I didn't miss any questions in the chat.
I've barely looked, but thank y'all for the birthday wishes.
It's very sweet of y'all.
Oh, happy birthday.
Thank you.
Well, it's basically, I put in the,
I'm meeting someone, I wanted to meet people locally.
I'm going to church and it's these two women.
One is Alicia, the other is Alicia.
One Alicia is around my age.
The other one is a single mom who is a little older than me,
but I connect better with them.
The first one I was,
one of them invited me to sit next to them.
The other one was cool with me sitting next to them.
I got to know them during, when we went to Greece and Malta.
And then I'm trying to think about,
I think there's no denying they are women of God.
One, their actions and the way they dress
and how they're serving in ministry speaks for themselves.
And they like, they know I've been around
going to church long enough.
Then I decided that I want to,
I want to get to know them and started the day.
Well, the thing is, and I, and this time,
the best thing I could do is want it for the right reason.
Well, she invited me to sit there and I did.
And they said, you know what, can we hang out?
We may not go somewhere, but you know,
maybe we can just go in the sawd ground.
And they said, you know what, that's a good one.
It's like, I like to do small scale.
Well, the thing is, at least they said that
there's no guarantee I'll be able to,
we'll let you know, but we will meet.
Cause they liked the idea,
but they have a hard time squeezing time in.
Then I came back next week and they didn't,
but at least I got asked for the number
and they were okay with it.
And then finally I text them and I,
and I said, Alicia, and I asked them what,
what service will you be in?
What service do you go to, early or late?
Cause they might go a little variant to say,
we'll let you know.
So I went in, so I went between the early and late service.
I went between, then I was eating some coffee and a bagel.
And then she walked by, the other Alicia said, hi.
And I said, hi.
And then she went to serving.
So I think, yeah, this isn't going to happen
because of that, there's lack of connection.
So I sat next to Alicia, row behind her.
Then every time I walked on the way out
and I was in, never got to hang out at all.
Then I figured, you know what, I'm going to try and be a lead
cause I'm not the kind of guy who gives up
and gives up and you say, you know what,
rather than be a bashful guy, let's head on into it.
And I just pray, Lord, look, Lord, I like them.
There's a good, she's a good woman of God.
I'd like to have a future with her
and I'm going to want it for the right here and here.
I want it for the right reason and just speak to my heart
about wanting it for the right reason.
That's all I can do.
And then I said, Alicia, it's okay if I pray for you.
And I texted them and say, can I pray for you?
Yeah.
And then I-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hunter.
We don't do the praying for people that we're trying to date.
Mm-hmm.
Remember Jackie talked about not creating
like a spiritual soul time.
So we have to be careful, especially in the church.
Like if you're interested in somebody,
you want to make sure we don't do the,
hey, can I pray for you?
What can, how can I pray for you?
Unless that's a completely platonic person. So we want to make sure we don't use that as a hook
All right. Well as I was saying and one Alicia I texted about praying and I figure you know
What this whole thing texting about can I pray for you?
It seemed to be more counterproductive and when I texted to one of them it became counterproductive
It's I'm trying to communicate and try and get in touch rather than have unquizzical love
But one Alicia she didn't buy me but it was more about her kind
Christian woman nature rather than her being interested. Yeah, and the other one I
Was I had more of ever can luck connecting with than the other than the latter?
Yeah, so I'm sorry. Forgive me. What's the question? You want to ask me?
What I was thinking about can if I want for the right reason like connecting intimacy rather than sit back thinking
I want to peachy with her and Lowe's is having a good for the right reason a guarantee or
Like I got all this discernment and okay
Does have one in for the right reason guarantee it is all I can do or what can I do to make it?
Can I dry can make her me or attract it to me?
You can't make anybody all you can do and this is true for all of us hunter
All you can do is put yourself out there and let's let somebody know that you're interested in getting to know them better
That's it. And they're either gonna pick that up or they're not gonna pick that up
And so as women we drop the hanky and we say like hey, I you know, you seem really fun
I'd love to go out for coffee sometime
We might get rejected
but we kind of like put it out there and so the same is true for you like you're gonna kind of put it out
there and
So are any of us wrong for wanting intimacy? No, none of us are wrong for wanting intimacy
We were that's how we were wired. That's how we were created to be is to be intimate with people
And so all we can do is continue to make ourself available
Continue to take risks to let people know that we're interested
But if they don't reciprocate that interest with more than just polite kindness
Then we just need to move on and not waste our time and that's true for all of us
So that's not just you hunter. It's true for all of us. Well, I know and I figured they're all by way with a spotlight
I I got an email about why I need to turn in to be on the spotlight and date and I already did that
So that's all I can do and you know what hunter I get it, dude
I don't know if you were here at the top of the hour
I mean, I am 58 years old and it took that long to get a happy birthday from my husband card
So, I don't know why it is taking some of us longer than others. I don't have the answer
all I'm getting is get a picture of how what God how God can move or
Do I have to walk in a bancing go according to his purpose?
Rather, I mean an app is intended to help you meet somebody
But it's another thing where you're not surrendered to God and want to manipulate the circumstance. That's the thing. I'm just
It's it's dance for all of us. It's it's like it's how much do I put myself out there?
and how much do I how much am I taking control away from God and that's the dance every one of us has to kind of
Present before the Lord. I know for me
I used to cling to wanting to get all these dates and where I landed with online dating was I
Jumped in I jumped out
I jumped in I jumped out like meaning I gave it a little bit of my time and energy and then I moved on with
my life and
I remember saying to all my friends like, you know what? I'm good. Like I have a good life
I'm not gonna say yes to a guy unless it's a hell. Yeah, like he's got to be a hundred percent. Heck
Yeah, I'm not gonna say yes to a guy that's a you know, whatever like I'm a good person. I'm fun to be around
I've got great community. I got great friends. And so that's my hope for all of you
Is that you put time and energy into being your best self growing learning put yourself out there?
But you're not obsessed about it and it's it doesn't define who you think you are and who you think God is
That's how you know, it's in control of you is when you let it decide your value and your worth
Then you know, you're hanging on to it
Just a little bit too tightly and we can do that with everything our weight our career our family our job our looks our wealth
We can hang on a little bit too tightly. This is just one of the areas and so
We I want all of us to try to find that dance and I do want to speak to somebody privately
I'm not gonna say her name somebody privately messaged me and you guys we've all been here and what she's basically saying is
I'm just getting exhausted being on the apps. I want to go out but I only want to go out with the person
who's my person.
I don't feel like going through all the other people anymore.
I'm like, I get that.
But the only problem is there's no other way to get to your person without going through
all of the other people.
It's like, you don't know it's gonna be your person if you don't keep yourself out there.
And so, I understand that some of you have dating fatigue.
That's why sometimes you need to take a break from your dating fatigue.
But I'm gonna encourage you to never take yourself completely out of the game.
So even when I would go off apps, even when I wasn't doing speed dating, I still made
sure I looked like a million bucks when I walked out the door.
I made sure even when I was showing up at Walgreens or Walmart that nobody would have
that funky photo of me going, did you see what that girl just wore to Walmart?
No, I always looked cute.
So that's what I want for all of you is even if you're not doing anything else, when you
walk out that door, you don't look like crap because that's the day you're gonna run into
your somebody and you're gonna be like, man, I wish I washed my face today.
And so, I'm not sure where you are, your private message, I have no idea where you are.
Here's the thing, you guys, you don't need a lot of Christians, like there's not a lot
of Christians here.
I get it.
Like, I live in Nashville and it's like, no matter what city, we could all say in our
own city, there's too many women, there's too many men, there's not enough believers,
we could all say it.
And yet, people are getting married in our town.
So we have to not have that scarcity mindset, we only need one great person.
I mean, if I lined up all of the hundreds of people that I talked to on dating apps,
I mean, I don't know, I mean, maybe a handful were amazing people, but there was only one
that needed to be my person.
And again, if the dating apps are fatiguing you, don't do them.
Go do the social events, go do speed dating, go do the dinner clubs, they even now, like
I just saw on my Instagram page, they even do this thing where if you want to go to Greece
or Italy, you can go as a solo in a group where it's other singles going in a group
of like 20 people.
And so find that to go do, find things to go do that bring you joy.
I want you guys to find your joy.
Find your joy, find your joy.
I promise, I promise that if you are starting to get discouraged and you're starting to
get unhappy, somewhere that's showing up in your countenance, and that's gonna make you
actually less attractive to other people.
So-
You mean like the singles cruise from January?
Well, see, here's my problem with the singles cruise, that's such a big ship, so that's
an option.
But I'm talking about some of those smaller, sometimes they do smaller, like 40, 50 people
on a tour group that you can go with, so you have a greater chance to be in conversation
with people.
Okay, so next time we meet, y'all, you're gonna start making a list of the questions
you ask as you date people.
I wanna hear what you're asking people on dates, so we're gonna talk about that.
And that's it, I think.
Anyway-
Just one last question, just-
Great, thank you, Cheryl.
I've just seen it a few times.
Difference between a dating resume and online dating profile.
Yeah, that's a good question.
So I guess I should have asked Elizabeth what she's gonna do with her dating resume.
I know what some people have done with their dating resume is they've turned it into like
a Christmas card and a Valentine's Day card, and they've actually put it right there on
their social media, or they've sent it to their friends to say, hey, if you know a single
person, send that to me.
So that's what I'm assuming she meant by a dating resume.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
I've got people that I know that are high quality that are likely to be in community
people share same values that I've already had conversations, hey, I'm putting this together,
can I send this to you?
And if you know people, you can send it to them.
Yeah, that's perfect.
So it's a way for your friends and your family to get your information to somebody.
So it's like, it's a way of doing community networking, like community dating or matchmaking
is because let's face it, sometimes our friends have no idea what to say about us and or about
what we're looking for.
So the dating resume does the work for them.
That's why I'm a fan of keeping it short and simple.
You know, like I've been working for 40 years.
I can still have my resume be one page because I'm not going to tell you every stinking thing
I've done for 40 years, but I'm going to give you the highlight reel.
So I feel like a dating resume in that instance should be like a highlight reel, real highlight.
I will highlight.
Okay, good stuff.
Is that it, Cheryl?
Did I catch everything else?
That seems to be it.
All right, you guys, I'm just gonna pray you out.
Father God, I just wanna thank you
for each and every single person here
who is here live watching and replay.
Father God, you know all of their story.
You know the things that bring them joy,
the things that are discouraging them.
I just ask that you just put your holy hands
around them right now,
that they get an extra hug from heaven,
that when they go to sleep tonight,
that they just feel comforted by you.
They feel a part of this community.
They don't feel alone.
They don't feel discouraged, that they feel inspired,
that they trust that you are who you say you are,
that you are a good, good God, even on our sad days.
And so, Father God, we just thank you in advance
for the breakthrough, for the marriages,
and for the stories that are gonna come from this community.
And we just lift all of this up
in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
All right, see you guys next time.
Amen.