Hey everyone, welcome. Happy Monday. Hello, hello. I see some names, I see no faces. Anyone
that's able to come on screen would love to invite you to come on screen with me. We're
going to kick off this night and we're going to dive right into the content pretty quickly
tonight. I'm so glad to have you joining us. God has some really great things in store.
As always, I'd like to remind you all, if you're new to our program, or even if you've
been here for a while and you've never done an introduction post, we want to encourage
you to do an introduction post in the group. So when you go in the Last Year Single app,
you're going to click on the community tab and you're going to just create a post, do
a little introduction, let us know a little bit about you. What are some of your hobbies?
What brought you here? Even if some of you were here before and you came back, let us
know that. And I love to see a picture that you love of yourself. It could be with you,
with other people, something you're doing that you love, but just something that makes
you feel good about yourself when you post that. That helps us connect with you all on
a deeper level and it helps your sisters in the group to get to know you a little bit
more as well. And so I want to let you know on that, we do have Supernatural Saturday.
This past Saturday was a time of prayer with the community. It was really great. A lot
of prayers for those that have already gotten married, married prayers for those that are
believing for marriage in our community, and a lot of other wonderful prayers as well.
We did have the Prophetic Ministry Night last night as well. If you've never been to that,
it's totally okay. We do that one Sunday night a month on the last Sunday night of
every month. And it's just a time where the team comes together to really try to hear
from heaven for us as a community, as a movement, and then convey that to you all the best that
we can. And so that should be in your replays tonight. If it's not already there, it'll
be up probably first thing tomorrow morning. And I think that is all of my announcements.
Welcome to all of our new ladies who is here for the first time. You've never been on a
live session before. We'd love for you to put that in the chat so we can welcome you.
Say hi by name. If you've been here before, welcome back. Again, just want to invite any
of you that are able to come on camera to come on camera. Again, this helps us practice
being seen, being known, being loved, coming out of hiding for some of us. You know, even
in this digital time, I sense just even myself, I work from home all the time now, you all.
And I have to push myself to get out of the house. So I want to encourage you all to activate
that and really practice being seen. All right, let me pray for us. And we're going to dive
right in. Father, thank you so much for this night. Thank you for everything that you're
doing. God, I thank you for lives being changed tonight, God, that you would just, even as
we prayed and leaned in last night during the prophetic ministry night, God, that you
would give us the capacity to receive revelation, to receive insight from heaven, that we would
have eyes to see what your spirit sees, ears to hear what your spirit is saying, that you
would bring those things out of darkness into the light that can be revealed for healing.
Yes, Lord, that we wouldn't run from pain, God, that we would feel the feels so that you can
heal the feels. God, I thank you that we would turn towards you and trust you to heal us
even when it hurts at times. God, we know that heartwork can be hard work at times. But
God, I thank you that your grace is sufficient. God, that you never leave us, you never forsake
us, and you're going to see us all the way through. God, I thank you that heart healing is
also a journey. It's not a destination that we just arrive and we're just supposed to be
perfect. God, we thank you for reminding us of grace and healing as we go. So Lord, I
pray that you would just bring supernatural deliverance and breakthrough tonight in a
powerful way. Holy Spirit, we thank you for being here. Weave in and out of every
conversation, every word, by the time it reaches their hearts, those that are here
live, those that are going to watch the replay, God, let it bring the words that they need
to hear right where they need to hear it. In Jesus name, amen. So ladies, tonight, we're
walking into forgiveness week. That's what we're doing tonight. So even if you're in week
one, it's totally fine. You're in the right place. But we are going to talk about forgiveness
tonight. And the reality is, is forgiveness, even though that is in our section of week
four, we need to forgive all the time, y'all. So it's not going to hurt you if you're in
week one, and we're talking about forgiveness, it's going to prep your heart to even be able
to surrender. There's so many aspects to forgiveness, that is such an integral part of
our Christian walk. And so I'm excited to talk to you about it tonight.
I love this quote that is in the Hartwick book, but it's by Martin Luther King Jr.
And this is what it says.
We must develop and maintain the capacity.
There's the word capacity again, tonight, the capacity to forgive.
He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.
I want you to be thinking about that.
You know, I was, I was even thinking about someone, uh, in our own church
has been just going through a time with someone that was a minister in a church
that used to attend and some brokenness there and how God calls us to love our
enemies.
Does that mean we need to be in close proximity to toxic people?
No, but it's about our heart posture.
And so that's why I want to kick off tonight about the capacity to forgive.
And so we're going to do an activation really quick.
This just came up in my spirit.
So we're just going to do this together.
And I believe God is going to help us to receive what he has for us tonight.
So if you'll just do this with me, go ahead and put your hand on your heart,
wherever you are.
If you're driving, keep your hands on the wheel, but just in your spirit, put your
hand on your heart.
Okay.
And just, you don't have to unmute, but just repeat after me.
Father, thank you for being with me in the hard times.
God, thank you for bringing things out of darkness into the light tonight and the
days to come.
God, I pray that you would give me fresh capacity to forgive those who have harmed
me in any way.
Father, I thank you that you'd give me the capacity to be able to forgive myself
wherever I need to forgive myself as well.
Lord, I thank you that you're healing me, growing me, teaching me and showing me in
Jesus name.
Amen.
Ladies, I want to encourage you to do stuff like that.
Even when forgiveness feels hard, where you would just stop and just make a
connection point between you and the Lord.
That's what it does for me.
Even myself, when I just kind of slow things down and pause and like, you know, a
lot of times, even when I'm in worship, like I raise my hands, but a lot of time,
like I just stand there with my hand on my heart and pray.
There's just this connection for me.
Yours might be different, but that's something that helps me feel a closeness
between God and myself.
And so on days that are good, on days that are hard, I hope that that is a tool that
you can use that will help you as well.
Forgiveness along with repentance and confession is the only thing that has the
power to put you back in touch with your authentic identity.
Remember your authentic identity is who God originally created you to be before
wounds or trauma ever entered your life.
So our forgiveness is what gives us the ability.
It gives us the power to get back in touch with that original design.
Forgiveness also breaks tethers.
If you all, um, for some of you, you've heard this story so many times, but I'm
going to tell it again for the new ladies.
But I do have some twists to some of my stories tonight because God gave me
another revelation, even right before I hopped on about something that happened
recently, but I like to give the tetherball example.
If you don't know what tetherball is, it's a game that I used to play on the
playground.
For those of you that are younger, I don't know that it's still on the
playgrounds today, but tetherball, they typically had a pole and there was a
rope and the rope was connected to the pole.
And then the rope was connected to a ball.
And that ball, you know, the kids would stand, the ball would fling around and
the kids would hit it and you'd hit it all around.
And there's probably more to the game, but that's the main part I remember.
But the point is that the ball is always tethered to the rope and the pole until
someone removes it.
Forgiveness is what breaks the tether.
So I want you to understand that when we don't forgive, when we walk in
unforgiveness towards people, we remain tethered, tethered, you know, to those
people and to those situations.
But when we choose to forgive, what happens is that disconnection of that
starts to begin.
Sometimes it is an immediate release you're going to feel, ladies, and
sometimes you're not going to feel anything at all.
Forgiveness isn't about a feeling, it's a choice.
And we're going to talk about that a little bit more here in a little bit.
But I want to kind of just touch on that because I think sometimes people, we tend
to think it's got to be this big thing.
And so sometimes our expectations, you know, it's just not where we think it's
going to be.
And so we are like, is this even working?
So I want you to know it is working when you choose to forgive, when you pray to
forgive.
It all works in the spirit realm. So I want you to continue to remember like bound to them when we don't forgive when we forgive
We become unbound untethered. We forgive them and we release others this afternoon. I also heard the Lord say
forgiving doesn't mean forgetting and
I felt like there were gonna be some people on here tonight or that we're gonna watch the replay that that's your biggest fear
That just you're just expected just to forget everything that happened. Well, that's not true. That's not even a reality
Okay. Now there will be come a day there will come a day where you're you know
You have this less distance and there's less pain
And so there are times where I will even say to people that doesn't even feel like my life
Because my life is so different now than how it used to be now. I know those things happened
But I will say sometimes I'm like, I don't even recall if that thing happened, but when it comes back to my mind
There's no pain because I've recalled it before I've worked through the healing before but now it's just like oh, yeah that happened
Forgot about that, you know where in the past it'd be like whoa
This happened to me. I think this happened to me. Did this happen to me?
I don't know if you all have ever been there. But when the memories come up sometimes that's how it how it feels
You're like, okay
Am I dreaming this or did this really happen?
Right, and sometimes that can be really tricky when we're trying to forgive because we don't even know if the reality is true
So I want to encourage you as you're processing things that are coming up to trust yourself. Okay?
Trust the things that are coming up even if you don't recall the whole memory
God is revealing things to you and he's showing you pieces and particles of things that were long
Pushed down into your subconscious and he's bringing those to the surface at the appointed time
So that you can heal and move forward if you will choose to continue to do so
The other story I always tell
So I have some new sunglasses. These are not the sunglasses I used to have and there I'm gonna tell you why I'm saying that
But I love to give this example, so I want you to think about how
Unforgiveness, you know, I said if we have unforgiveness it keeps us tethered to people, but I want you to also think about how
Unforgiveness can create
filters
Blind spots and it can cause us like out of the brokenness to see things very differently
So I used to tell this story and this is very true with my old
Sunglasses that when Brian and I first moved here to Florida
We were sitting on the beach
I had my other sunglasses on and and I was looking over and the clouds looked like this peach color and I was just like
Look at those peach clouds, babe, and he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like over there. Don't you see them?
You know, I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I had these, you know
The sunglasses on and so he didn't see peach clouds, but I saw peach clouds and it caused me to see something
Differently. It saw me to see color that was there that wasn't there because my my
Lenses the filter that I was looking through had that kind of peach tint to it
Now the reason I mentioned these are different sunglasses. I got some new sunglasses recently and
interestingly
Interestingly enough we were driving just a couple weekends ago
And I had my sunglasses on and we had two other guys in the car from our church leadership team with us
And they were caught in commenting about this rainbow that they were seeing in the sky and my husband and I are both like
What are you all talking about?
Like we don't see a rainbow. We're looking at everywhere for this rainbow that they're talking about and we couldn't see it and
then I'm like, huh and I took my sunglasses off and all of a sudden I could see the rainbow and
I thought that was so interesting today when I was thinking about it right before I got on here
That two different pairs of glasses one caused me to see a color that was there that wasn't really there
these sunglasses
Actually removed color that was there
Very interesting to me. So I want you to think about that in perspective to
brokenness
Unforgiveness when we have all that stuff in our soul in our spirit in the subconscious it
Causes filters it causes things to look differently than they actually
Look, we also hear things differently
Than they actually are being said at times. I'm not saying that there are people that you know, don't say hurtful things
That's not what I'm saying. Okay, so don't don't create something out of what I'm
Saying that's different
But what I am saying is that I also tell this kind of story and I learned this I can't remember where
I heard this, but it was back when I was doing my mental health coach certification, I think,
one of my schooling programs, but they gave the example of like this being the filter,
this piece of paper, okay, and imagine one person over here and the other person over here.
This person is saying something and it's got to go through this filter, right,
before it gets to the other person, so a lot of times somebody could actually be saying something
or something could be happening in the world, but by the time it gets over here, this person that
receives it has now received it through whatever filter is in their heart, soul, and subconscious,
okay, so even for example, I'm going to give some examples, real life things from our group
and our community experiences. We, when you get to phase three, we have a Facebook group
that is a part of our program that people can come into there as well in addition to our app,
and we do go through and review the posts before they're approved to the page, and sometimes we,
you know, we, everybody agrees to the guidelines of our group when you sign up for our community,
those are there, everybody agrees to them when you sign up, if you don't, then you don't get
approved to the to the group, that's how it goes, but so often people will try to submit posts that
are outside of those guidelines, okay, well then we either have to ask them to change it or we don't
approve the post, and we are, we actually go out of our way to either email or message these people
most of the time, but sometimes we just don't have the time or the capacity to do that.
Now, some people will say they rejected me, okay, that's what they believe by that,
but in reality, they agreed to the rules of the group, and then they tried to submit something
that wasn't in alignment with the rules of the group, so is that rejection?
Let's think about it, it's not, but that's the way they're perceiving it,
right, now I'm using that as a very basic example, but there are times where things are
being said or done, but again, it's all what we believe in our hearts,
sorry, I'm still getting over this sickness, but whatever we believe in our heart is going to get
reproduced, right, so if we're, we tend to be a really negative person, well, that's coming from
somewhere, if we tend to get offended really easily, it's probably because we have some craters,
some landmines underneath the surface that anytime anybody steps on those landmines, it's like,
we have these explosions, you know what I'm saying, and maybe for you, you don't have anger
issues, or maybe you don't have this reactive, but maybe you, again, go into isolation and seclusion
every time something happens, you withdraw, you pull back, they are the same underlying thing,
people just do it differently, and y'all, this all goes back to unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment,
that stuff that's sitting down in there underneath the surface that are like those landmines,
so I want you to think about, even in your life in the past week,
where were you maybe seeing something differently than the way it really was,
or where you thought something negative, where maybe nothing negative was actually being said
or done, but that's how you perceived it, right, how we show up into things is really what we're
going to believe as well, one of the other examples I want to give you is that we have a lot
of women in our community, we have some younger women, okay, we do, praise the lord, we have a lot
of different age women in our group, in our community, but we do have a lot of women that are
older, and a common theme is, they're not choosing me because I'm too old, but yeah, we have a lot of
women that are older that are getting married, you all, so is it because you're older that you're
not getting chosen, or is that what you believe in your heart, we got to get to the root of the
matter, we got to get to the root of why we believe what we believe, remember, we believe,
or excuse me, we become what we believe, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth is going to speak,
well, that's going to happen regarding that unforgiveness in there as well,
so I want you to think about how do you interact differently in the world because of the brokenness,
because of the things that are underneath the surface, it also impacts your ability to truly
connect with people. Some of you all, you know, you go, we, we all, I'm not gonna just say you
all, because I struggled with this too, in the past. And there are times where I still am like,
I don't know if I can trust that person. You know, and I have this kind of this standoffish
because of maybe a way that they're carrying themselves, maybe something they're saying.
It tends to happen with me when somebody is very loud, very like domineering, I kind of
hold back to figure out, okay, can I trust this person? And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
You know, we have to have discernment. That's a good thing. But we don't want that to get,
go the other way and become where we're suspicious about everybody, right? We don't want things to
get out of balance. And so I want to ask you, when is the last time you truly connected with
someone? Like not just hung out with people, but like you had someone that you could really trust
and you allowed yourself, they were a safe person to get vulnerable with them to really connect.
Some of you all are doing that here in this group. And I applaud you, you're coming and you're saying,
man, this is something that came up. I know Amy did that. I responded to her post today.
Some of you all that like some raw stuff is coming up. And I just am so grateful that you're coming
into the group and you're asking questions. You're like, what do I do with this? How do I process
this? That's what we want you to do. And you know, ultimately we're going to direct you back
to the Lord because He's going to be the one to help you. But we're going to ask some good
questions. Hopefully that's going to get you to go back to the Lord, right? He's the center, but
we have to be willing to get out of our comfort zone, to connect, to come into community.
Even if it's one person at a time, one-to-one, some of you might not be able to do it right now
openly in a group. I think everybody can, but some of you all might face a lot of fear and all
that, and that's okay. So start with one person, start with the one place that you can go to start
building some trust and some connection there, and then grow from that point forward. All right,
so I want to talk a little bit more about the blind spots and the filters. This is from the
heartwork book. When you walk into any situation, this is regarding if we have these blind spots and
filters, which we typically do. When we walk into any situation, it doesn't matter if it's good, if
it's bad. We don't see that thing, that place, those people the way that they are. We actually
see them the way that we are on the inside. That's what I've been talking about so far tonight.
So I want you to think about it again. Where have you been seeing people, places, and things the
way that you are, not the way that they are? For instance, say you were severely hurt by a group of
people. I know with Amy, I hope it's okay. Like with hers, there's a lot of other people. I used
to struggle with authority and men and authority over me too, but that was one of the things I
commented back that I saw as a thread coming out from what she shared. You know, whatever, whoever
hurt us, whatever that dynamic is, if we go back into that or try to go back into that dynamic,
we often are going to believe the lies that happened as a result of the pain that we went
through before. So for example, in the book, it's talking about if you were severely hurt by a group
of people, they mistreated you, lied about you, discarded you. Heart wounds and lies that were
then created as a result of that trauma will give you a skewed perception of groups in the future.
So that's where if we had someone in authority, and it could be male figure, women figure, whatever
that is for you. If they harmed us in some way, we can then believe the lies in that moment that
the enemy is feeding us and then believe that it is unsafe to be under the authority of a man or
a woman in the future. And then whatever other lies then seem to come alongside of that. And then
what can happen is we will start to avoid the groups or the type of people or the communities,
like the plague, convincing ourselves that all of them are bad. That's why so many women
are like, all men are bad. We say we want to get married. And then what happens is we come into
this community. I hear it all the time. Y'all, I went through it. So many people have gone through
this and you come into the community. You're like, oh my gosh, I don't even like, like God is showing
me. I don't even like men. I have this really not good stuff in my heart towards men. Well, guess
what? The whole time you were trying to date before you were showing up in those situations
with all of that on the inside of you. So guess what? That causes us to show up differently in
those situations and with those people. And so then we keep trying.
again and again, but if those lies and the pain are still on the inside,
we don't end up with a different result.
So here's the thing that that becomes then our most significant obstacle to
actually belonging to actually stepping into that spirit mate relationship.
And so we have to allow God to come in and heal us from the inside out.
This isn't about behavior modification.
I'm going to say that to you all until I am blue in the face.
This isn't about you being on good behavior.
This is about God doing something deep on the inside of you
that causes you to supernaturally shift out of the overflow of your love
relationship with the Lord.
Feel the Holy Spirit. So I'm just going to linger there for a minute.
Some of y'all have been, you know, kind of, okay, Lord,
I did this devotion today. I did this, I did this, I did this. I'm good now.
And I'm not knocking that because that's, that's, that was where I was. And I do,
I still do some of those things. I love my devotional time. I love,
but y'all, when I was sick, I think I said this a little bit last night,
either last night or I said it somewhere at church, but man,
I felt so puny and like I just had no energy to do anything for days.
I was still doing some work, but man,
it took everything in me to get some work done to show up on the lives and coach.
And then I was just drained after, and I love doing this stuff.
But the reality is in that puniness,
I was reminded of my humanity of my flesh and, and,
and the enemy, the one day I tried to come and say to me, see,
you're not close to God. See, this is how he works.
See, you're not close to God. You're not even reading your Bible.
And you know what I said to him?
I didn't even address the devil. I just said to God, God,
I know you're close to me right now, even though I don't feel super spiritual.
And that's all I said.
And then I just went on my way the rest of the day,
vegging drinking lots of fluids, trying to get my body better.
I knew God wasn't mad at me,
but see the enemy was trying to just cause me to be fueled by the guilt
of striving for affection.
Or feeling like somehow because I wasn't checking off my list all day
long on what I had to do for God to perform for him. See, that's the old me.
He was trying to convince me that because I wasn't doing those things that I
all of a sudden, now that that closeness was broken.
Now, am I saying that it's not good? I mean,
I love reading the word. I'm going to say it this way and said,
I love reading the word.
I love connecting with the Lord because he talks to me and I hear him and I love
having revelation. I love studying what his word says.
And not just what I think it says and interpreting it through our society today,
but what did it actually say back then?
And I've become more and more passionate about that because I married a man that
that's what, that's what he stands for. He's all about context.
But what I know is that all of the time that I've studied and spent time with
the Lord, and I've asked God to write it on the tablet of my heart,
it's still there. You all,
some of you need to hear that tonight.
I think some of you, there's this,
this lie that the enemy's been feeding you that you're not spiritual enough.
You're not perfect enough.
And I think you just need to forgive yourself and move forward.
God loves you.
He's writing a new story in your life and he wants you to know that he loves to
hear from you.
He loves when you pray and talk to him and spend time with him.
But man, he loves seeing you happy too. And when you're sick,
he wants you to know he's close to you.
So if that's you,
I really want to encourage you to step into that forgiveness water because it's
flowing tonight. It's always flowing,
but I just want you to know God is highlighting that for those of you that maybe
even have been in a lot of religious settings where you just never feel good
enough spiritually. And God wants to break that off of you.
Matthew 22 39 says, uh, this is going back to our forgiveness vein.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Here's the, here's the tricky part.
If we don't love ourselves, how can we then love other people?
So many of us, we like ourselves, but the love ourselves,
that's a whole different level.
I remember being in rooms by myself and just
feeling like the room was empty and I remember one day God really just
ministering to me breaking off those pangs of loneliness that I used to
deeply deeply struggle with and just all of a sudden it started like I started
realizing like oh like I'm here so even though I'm the only one here in my
apartment my house is full and I know that might be like what do you mean
Bethany well I believe that I bring fullness I bring the fullness of Christ
everywhere I go I believe that I change the atmosphere because God tells me that
I do when I come into a room I bring him with me so even if I was sitting in a
room by myself isn't it full now yes when more people come in the room that's
a whole different idea of fool but God wanted me to understand that the
presence that he put in me matters and it helped me really heal from that place
of feeling like there was a void if somebody else wasn't always with me
because see I used to think that I had to have a guy to feel complete that
isn't true do I believe that God wanted to bless me with a spirit mate to be a
teammate with and a partner with in the in this amazing life yes I do but
there's a difference the more that I healed it was one whole person plus one
whole person coming together as a team becoming one it wasn't I needed the
person I was a half of a person and I needed the other half of a person to
complete me to be one no I don't know why this has nothing to do with
forgiveness but I just keep feeling like to go into some of these things so
we're going we're going wherever the Holy Spirit leads so I want you all to
really like kind of be thinking about you know what do you believe about your
own presence and and and loving yourself and and and having the capacity to then
love other other people again out of the overflow of God's love in you forgiveness
is not a feeling it's a choice Ephesians 423 says this forgive one
another just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done
Colossians 313 remember the Lord forgave you so you must also forgive others and
here's a key we have to forgive all the characters in this story including
ourselves if and when that is needed now I really want to emphasize I know
that there's several of you in the in the community right now in this group
that have been abused when you were younger when we are children that you
all you don't know how to stop it as a kid okay it's not your fault what
someone did to you that's not your fault now when we become of age if we
turn around and then abuse someone else well then that's something yes we need
to ask for forgiveness for that that's something that we did but when you're a
child even if you know and I and I know some people are like well I didn't get
abused the way someone else did and you know they grew me and and they so they
feel like they should have known better or something but again as a child a can
I just call it out our brains aren't even developed enough to know what to do
with that kind of a thing let's just call it that part of it but it's not
your fault but some of you you've been carrying that like it is your fault and
the Lord wants you to forgive yourself remember that forgiveness is gonna
happen in layers as well this is really important so many times in the past I
can remember especially with my brothers and the sexual abuse I had gone through
I would forgive them and then something would happen and then I would feel all
this anger and all this grief and all this stuff again and I'm and I can
remember thinking well I thought I forgave them like why is this coming
back up again and I would feel that all this frustration and on my journey what
the Lord taught me is that healing happens in layers because see what was
happening is my heart was healing I was forgiving but then I would actually get
a new piece of information even though majority of the story was similar there
was a new piece that kind of came with it and that was where then okay then
there's new information here there's another layer to this story which
included then okay I've got to forgive this aspect of this and maybe it was
forgiving myself in some way that like
Even I would say like holding anger towards myself
or resenting my own self and forgiving myself
for resenting myself.
I know it kind of sounds like I'm talking in circles
probably a little bit on this topic tonight,
but this is how it goes, you all.
We kind of go in these circles and circles and circles
and the Lord is like, okay, I want to stop the cycle
and I'm opening the gate.
The gate's already been opened through Jesus Christ,
but tonight it's like he's opening the gate
and showing us with revelation that we can go out.
We don't have to continue in that cycle,
but the reality is is that you might walk
a little bit further down the road
and there might be another aspect
of something that you went through.
I like to talk about it like God saying,
let's just take another little peek up under this hood.
Not that you have to walk back through the whole thing again
but there's something that God is showing you
and he wants to help you heal in that new aspect,
that new revelation and take you further into freedom,
not take you backwards into desperation and despair.
Now, if you're getting sucked backwards,
I would say that there's probably a lot of lies
and things that you're partnering with
that kind of are in that grief zone.
And again, it's not your fault,
but shame and condemnation and guilt
also tend to hang out there
and that can suck people into depression
and all kinds of things,
really like self-hatred, self-loathing.
So if you feel that way a lot, again, it's not your fault,
but I want you to understand
the enemy is trying to keep you there.
That's a spirit that is at war against you.
So you have to take authority over that.
And I won't go into that, how to do that tonight,
but I just wanna kind of share that with you
because I do recognize some people in those cycles
of that deep desperation, that self-hatred,
that self-loathing, and the spirit of the Lord
is what can break that.
The blood of Jesus Christ has already been shed
for your freedom from that spirit and from that battle,
but we just have to learn how to apply it
and declare the blood of Jesus Christ
over ourselves in those ways.
All right, I'm gonna keep going.
Victim versus survivor versus thriving.
I wanna talk about this really quickly tonight.
Victims tend to feel helpless.
They tend to blame other people
and they tend to focus on the past.
I'm gonna say that again.
Victims tend to feel helpless, blame others,
and focus on the past.
And before I go into all these,
I want you all to understand
you're not necessarily gonna be in
only one of these categories.
Sometimes we can be like surviving
in one area of our heart and lives
and victim mode in another place, okay?
So I think that's important to point out as well.
All right, survivors are people
that have typically reclaimed their power.
They take responsibility for their choices
and they choose to heal.
A lot of times survivors will start doing self-care.
They'll start saying no, so okay.
Typically they're starting to work
on setting some boundaries on a basic level.
But here's the catch with survivor,
and I'm not saying this isn't good.
It's just I'm saying I want you to see the difference
between surviving and thriving when we shift into thriving.
Survivors tend to continue to live, to exist, okay?
Where thriving, and Rebecca, I do see that.
Probably the best way is just to try to go back
and listen to the replay where you can pause
and take notes for yourself.
That will be the quickest way for you to get these.
But the thriving is when we focus on the future.
People that are thriving tend to have power
regarding their future.
There's a hope.
They see something beyond where they are.
They surround themselves with other people
who are thriving.
They tend to grow.
They tend to develop.
They tend to prosper, and they tend to flourish.
And again, I'm not sharing these to cause any kind of shame.
I just want you all to see kind of the different places
that we can be in in our minds.
And remember, our minds and our hearts are connected.
Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth is gonna speak.
And oftentimes what we think in our hearts
is what we meditate on.
Do you see how that works?
So your mind and your mouth are,
whatever's in these two places is indicator,
signal, signal, signal of what's down in here.
The victim, yeah, some of what I shared is in the book, Amy,
but actually this thing that I just went through
is something I developed myself specifically.
So, I want you to think about how can I shift from victim mentality, victim heart postures
to not just be a survivor, but to be a thriving person.
And to really pray into God, like, where do I tend to fall into victim mindsets and victim
heart postures?
And he will start to show you those things.
As we keep moving forward, stressors may also still be there, but the, like people that
are thriving, they might still have stressors, but the difference is they've learned and
they've healed enough to respond versus that reaction, right?
Like I said, the reaction can be big, anger, frustration, or it can be withdrawal, pull
back in isolation.
The land of thrive sounds like this.
People tend to make choices about what do you want to do?
How do you want to experience the world?
How will you act?
What kind of attitude do you want to have and show up with?
Are you going to focus your resources, opportunities that you want to create for yourself?
But you might be like, well, wait, I thought God was supposed to tell me what to do.
Well, God does have plans and promises for us and he tells us what they are in his word.
And then he also will give us words and direction.
Yes, of course.
But y'all, we get to partner in that.
This isn't like, God's not just this main, like this mean dictator.
Like we do get to choose.
I remember the first time I heard Jackie Dorman say that God was going to give us choices
and as a person in the community back in that time, man, I was like, whoa, because
I would always in the back of the day, I would date one guy and I'd be with him and he'd
be super unhealthy and I would just keep dating him.
And that was my cycle.
And then I'd break up with him and then I'd find someone else that was super unhealthy
and I would just date him.
But I never considered that God might want me to date a couple people and figure out
really who is healthy for me.
I know for some of you, you're like, what?
I can't do that.
Okay.
Don't go there.
Stay open-minded.
You're going to learn a lot in this community if you stick around for a while and it's very
effective.
So tonight we are going to go into the breakout session and I want you to talk to the ladies
in your group about who do you need to forgive tonight and why.
Who is someone that God has been bringing to your heart tonight that you need to forgive
and why do you need to forgive them?
If that is you, if it's yourself, then talk about that.
If it's someone else.
Now don't feel like, remember, these are short, brief, and powerful.
Don't feel like you have to share every gory detail, okay?
This is high level, but y'all can get to know each other a little bit as well.
I love being able to see y'all connecting a little bit to where you're from, what led
you to the community.
Have a good time while you're in there.
Do three people to group.
Yeah.
And I think we'll still do seven minutes.
All right.
I'm going to go ahead and put these up.
Go ahead and click to join those as quick as you can.
As soon as I get everyone situated in the rooms, then we will, I'll go ahead and pray
here.
Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing in our hearts and our lives.
Got to thank you for the revealings, for the healing that are happening tonight.
I thank you that you are just coming and just removing all the chaff and all the distractions
and all the debris, if you will, that has bogged us down for years.
Got to thank you.
Yes, Lord, just for cell regeneration in our bodies, Lord, I thank you that you created
our bodies so magnificently, I almost couldn't say it.
God, I thank you, God, intricately, God, that you're forming new neuropathways in our
brains, God, that you're creating new healthy cells, God, and I just feel like so much to
pray around that.
So someone just, if they need healing, God, I thank you for healing in their bodies.
Not just me being sick, but I just sense someone else in the community has a need.
And so God, I thank you for meeting that need.
God, I thank you for helping all of these ladies to forgive those who have harmed them
in any way.
Are you able to click to go back in there?
I can sure try.
Yeah, let me know if you can go.
Go ahead and try.
Okay.
Yeah, so what room was that?
That was six.
And I was late.
Oh, that's okay, Glenna.
Hold on one second.
You're right on time.
I'm just gonna find a room.
Let me put you in room four here.
Okay, thank you.
Did I lose Gina?
I think I lost her.
All right, well, I'm gonna keep praying.
I think we've got somebody by themselves, though.
Sorry, ladies.
Give me one second.
I don't want that lady sitting by herself.
There we go.
Okay, thank you.
Father, thank you so much for helping people move around
and for these ladies to be patient as we're doing so.
God, I thank you for,
yeah, Lord, just where there's been offenses
from just family hurt,
I'm just hearing the Lord say family reconciliation.
So Lord, we're just asking you to bring healing
and relationships and families represented here
by those in the heart work, those that are live,
those that are gonna watch the replay,
those that are gonna watch the video,
those that are gonna watch the replay.
God, I thank you for repairing the breach
where there's broken and fallen places.
God, I thank you for, yeah, bringing mending tools.
I just heard that in this spirit.
So Lord, we thank you for that.
Ephesians 4.27 in the Amplified Version says this.
Do not give place to the enemy.
Don't give him legal access to your life and your family,
and do not give the devil an opportunity
to lead you into sin by holding a grudge
or nurturing anger or harboring resentment
or cultivating bitterness.
Forgiveness has yet another benefit,
and that is protecting you from the enemy's future plans
and plots against you.
So Father, I just thank you that you would just cover us
with the power of your presence.
I thank you that you would hide us
under the shadow of your wings and in your presence, Lord,
just like Psalm 91 declares.
I just declare the armor of God and the hedge of protection
around every one of these ladies and their families.
God, I thank you that you would help us
to be quick to forgive.
Yes, Lord, that we would be quick to listen
and slow to speak.
God, where we tend to get angry,
God, I pray that you bring healing down into the core
because underneath the anger typically is hurt
and sadness and pain.
So Lord, we just thank you
that you would bring the balm of Gilead
and place it upon our hearts and the depths of our souls,
that you would bring healing and revitalization
is what I heard in the spirit, revitalization.
And we just thank you that you're doing that
in our spirits right now.
Proverbs 14.30 in the message translation says this,
a sound mind makes for a robust body,
but runaway emotions corrode the bones.
God, I pray that you would help us.
Even as I myself have just had a lot of hormonal fluctuations
in the last few years,
there have been days where I'm like,
Lord Jesus, help me to control these emotions.
And so I feel like sometimes we can believe the lie
that we cannot control them,
but God gave us the fruit of the spirit of self-control.
And so I wanna encourage you to partner
with that fruit of the spirit of self-control
in all ways, including that we would really like slow down
and slow our reactions down
and be willing to hear what the spirit is saying
before we make a judgment call or react in a situation.
And we just thank you, God, for healing us and changing us
and giving us your eyes to see
and your heart to feel and experience.
John 14, verse 30, 14, excuse me,
verse 30 in the Amplified says this,
Jesus said, I will not speak with you much longer
for the ruler of the world, Satan, is coming
and he has no claim on me, no power over me,
nor anything that he can use against me.
So this is just reminding you in,
this is in the heartbreak book,
it actually says victim to victor.
So as we were talking about that transition from victims
to survivors to thriving, this is where Amy was saying,
it does talk about this in the book a little bit,
but the enemy will try to convince us that he wins
or that he has the upper hand,
but he's never had the upper hand.
And so Jesus is sitting on the throne.
He's sitting at the right hand of the father right now,
interceding for you by name.
I see Grace and I see Rupa on here,
I'm just gonna say their names.
Anyone else that's joining live
or that's in our breakout rooms right now,
he calls us by name, he sees our need
and he wants you to know that.
He is working in your life right now.
No matter what the enemy's been saying to you,
we talked about this on the prophetic night last night,
the enemy, his lies tend to be louder
than the truth sometimes,
because the truth does tend to come more quietly,
but that doesn't mean the truth is less powerful
than the lies.
Remember, light, excuse me,
darkness cannot remain where the light is.
So as soon as the light of Christ comes in,
darkness has to flee.
Ephesians 4, 26 through 27
in the Passion Translation says this,
but don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin.
Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge,
not even for a day.
Don't give the slanderous accuser, the devil,
an opportunity to manipulate you.
Yes, Lord, so we just come against the spirit
of manipulation and control right now in Jesus' name.
We just bind and break these spirits off of us,
off of our minds.
Yes, Lord, where there's been generational things inherited,
yes, regarding spirits of manipulation and control,
we will no longer partner with those things,
that we will be women that walk in the divine feminine,
that we will surrender the pen to you, Lord,
that we will walk in just sensitivity and grace
in everything that we do and say,
welcome back, ladies.
I've been having a good time here.
Y'all can check that out later if you want.
When the replay comes back, welcome back.
Our activations for this week.
Y'all, I'm saying all kinds of funny things tonight again.
Okay, so this week,
you're gonna print out forgiveness prayer sheets.
If you don't know where to find those,
those are under the welcome tab in the app.
They're also under week four.
You're gonna print those out
and you're gonna write out forgiveness prayer sheets
for anybody that you need to forgive, including yourself.
Now, when you do these, I really wanna encourage you,
don't do them like in a general statement.
I've like, I'm just gonna make this up.
I forgive John for hurting me.
Okay, I'm not saying that's not effective,
but you really wanna state what you're forgiving them for,
you know, and if there's multiple things
or just even additional feelings
that came because of what happened,
just really, this is your time to get it all out of there.
Because think about it,
what we don't get out, we're carrying around.
Isn't that weighty and heavy?
Yeah, let's just get that crap out of us.
Let's get it on out, all right?
And then we want you to create a post in the group
and tell us about somebody that you forgave and why.
Again, you don't have to share every detail,
but remember that as you share,
your breakthrough is gonna create breakthrough
for somebody else in here.
That's how it works, ladies.
It happens like this all the time.
Somebody's probably gonna read,
and I'm just using Amy as an example,
just because again, that's so fresh in my mind
because it really spoke to me today.
That was something I struggled with too,
and so I could relate to her very much.
But like, you know, when someone else gets vulnerable,
because y'all hear us coach all the time,
but when someone else gets vulnerable in the group
and they share, and then they're getting breakthrough,
and you're like, oh my gosh,
I've gone through the same kind of thoughts or whatever,
like it's gonna help you get breakthrough.
So remember, all of y'all, your shares matter
and it's really important, okay?
All right, so who is willing to share with the whole group
what you just shared in your breakout group?
Karen, go ahead, Karen Perlis.
Oh, yes.
So I was sharing my group.
So I have family in the Philippines
and they reached out to my cousin here in the US
maybe a couple of months ago
because they were having hardships.
And so I reached out to them directly
and, you know, God says that we're to be generous givers
and to not turn our backs on the poor.
And so I sent some money, not expecting anything back.
And then it occurred a couple more times
and each time it was like a crisis.
And then I got another text recently
and it was like the same thing
as like just begging and pleading.
And I don't remember if I heard it in the group here,
like, you know, if we become givers
and we could be taken advantage of takers.
So in my heart, I'm like,
I don't want to give begrudgingly,
but at the same time,
also be willing to say no if I have to.
Because as a single mom,
I didn't rely on the government, my ex or my parents
and I worked and had a job.
Like, I don't know the living situation there,
but married couple, can someone get two jobs,
do what they have to, to support their family?
So I'm like, God's not telling me
to be their savior or their rescuer.
So that's what I shared in the group.
I love that, Karen.
And so sorry, ladies.
You know, I think this is a case-by-case situation, you know, so when everybody hears this tonight,
I really want everyone to pray and think about what this means for you if you're in a similar
situation. I love that you prayed and you followed the Lord with your dynamic and situation. Brian
and I, when we got married, we have, you know, I have a stepson and then my two spiritual daughters
and he has two older daughters. One of the things we talked about was, you know, how are we going to
handle dynamics if our kids come asking for money? Like, what do we both think about that and feel?
How do we feel? And so his younger daughter had asked us a couple times, but she always paid us
back. And so we're like, we felt good about that. That's fine. But then we started seeing it growing.
Okay. And then she had borrowed some and then paid part of it back, but not the whole thing.
And so then we're like, okay, this is where we're probably going to have to start drawing a line
here. And so that was just, again, something we had to pray about. And it doesn't mean we don't
want to help them or bless them and we'll still buy them gifts or if we feel led or want to do
that stuff. But for us, again, there's something about when we have to set boundaries, because if
we're not careful, then it can turn into enabling people. And then also like what you alluded to,
sometimes we can start to resent those people, right? Even though we're still saying yes to them.
So even though right now we're talking about money, ladies, this can apply to all kinds of
stuff, right? So if someone is coming and asking even for your time, maybe you have a friend,
like she's saying, they started coming and it seemed like they were always in the panic,
like this deep need. Well, some people can come like that even emotionally towards us, right?
And they always have these big needs. Everything's always in a panic or a drama. Something's always
happening. Well, just because that is happening with them doesn't mean that is something we have
to allow into our lives. And it doesn't mean we don't care about those people. We can still love
them, but we can set a healthy boundary. And for example, one of the things I had to do,
there was a lady that I used to lead in a totally different community. And
so she had my cell phone number and she would message me all the time. And it was a lot of like,
even if I like try to set a boundary, like, okay, I have to have to go work on this or,
you know, I got to check out. And she would just keep messaging me and blowing up my phone.
And so then I just had to kind of start pulling back more and more because even when I was trying
to set boundaries, she wasn't listening and respecting those boundaries. And so again,
just kind of using what Karen shared as an example to kind of show you guys some other areas,
you may need to work on some of that. Because when we struggle to set boundaries in small ways,
a lot of us will struggle to set boundaries in really significant ways as well. So if that is
something that's really kind of like, ooh, that might be me. I really want you to lean into that
with the Lord and ask him, when is the first time that I blew past this boundary?
And who did I blow past this boundary for? Was there guilt there? You know, because people
pleasing kicks in a lot of the time with this kind of stuff too, right? Yeah. Karen, good job. I'm
glad that you, you know, because you're looking at it from all aspects. It's not like you don't
care about them or don't have compassion for them. But then you started seeing a pattern. And so I
think it's a really healthy posture and, and just see where the Lord leads you in the days ahead
with that as well. How did they, how did they, how did it go when you said no? I haven't responded
yet. Okay. To, you know, make sure that I was coming from a place of clarity. So. Okay. Yeah.
So and again, not saying you have to say no, I misunderstood what you're saying. And so as you
pray into that, if that is what you feel led to do, I think that's totally fine. And you can do
it with a lot of grace. Be okay. If they react and aren't thrilled with it, but they might respond
and be totally fine and say, thank you for the times you were able to help us, you know? So go
in believing that that will be the outcome. But even if it's not, you know, don't feel like you
have to meet their heart posture where they're at. Does that make sense? Yeah. Thank you. You're
welcome. Yeah. Be free in that. Hannah. Hello. Hi. So what I shared in the group is that I've
been feeling stuck with just anger and feeling unforgiveness towards the Lord for different
things. Like watching him answer prayers for other people that I've been praying for years.
Sometimes even a lot longer before them. And I feel that that anger really strengthens me up.
And, um, a couple of years ago, a specific trigger was my, one of my
So what's your message to anybody traumatized as well as in sparkle?
cousins is 11 years younger than me.
And she told me that she was dating someone.
I mean, even mine from a spiritual point of view..
And then last year they got married.
I hate it.
And that has really impacted me a lot more than I thought it would.
But just because she, it seems like she didn't have to date very long
and she found her person so easily when it's been a struggle for me.
And being 11 years older than her, it's something I've been hoping and
praying for a lot longer and trying to do the work to be prepared for that.
Um, so yeah, it's, it's been hard to move forward with forgiveness because
I feel like the root of my feeling stuck in anger is towards God.
Yeah.
And it's very common, Hannah, what you're saying.
Thank you for sharing transparently about that.
Um, let's look at when's the first time you believed the lie that God was answering
prayers for other people and not for you.
Do you remember when the first time you thought that was, it's
okay if you don't tonight.
Yeah.
I'd have to think through it, but I think since childhood, just kind
of feeling overlooked a lot of times.
When's the first time you felt overlooked?
Probably grade school, like just watching other people make friends
more easily or getting this or that.
Was there something you wanted for a birthday or Christmas that's kind of
coming up in my spirit that you didn't get or something that you saw another
friend get that you were hoping you would get or something around that dynamic?
Um, nothing specifically, but we didn't have a ton of money growing up.
So there is definitely that feeling of like, Oh, they get to go on vacations
or they get to do this or that, but we can't afford it.
Okay.
So did you hear your parents say a lot of stuff like that growing up as well?
Okay.
Yeah.
So the reason I am asking you that is as you were talking about watching him
answer things for other people and not for me, I feel like this
is an inherited belief system.
You know, we talk about inherited trauma.
There can also be inherited belief systems and limiting mindsets.
Um, I, I don't know if it's your mom or your dad, but I feel like somebody,
one of your parents was saying these kinds of things as you were growing up.
Um, and even if they weren't saying them, that's how kind of their heart posture,
that's how they were living things out, kind of believing that God was giving
other people things and not them.
Um, and so.
I think that's part of why that this has been a struggle for you, because
this isn't just your own struggle.
It's the generational kind of weight and, and this isn't forever.
So I want to give you hope because I've broken through a lot of family
generational stuff in my life already.
Um, and so I know it's possible for you too.
Um, but we do have to make a choice to come out of alignment with those lies
and say, okay, I'm not going to believe this anymore because God is a good father.
And he's not, he's not, um, dangling a carrot and saying, okay, you can have
this and then, nope, you can never have it, but see if we believe that in our
heart and we partner with that kind of stuff, then that actually creates distance
between us and the promise being fulfilled.
Remember when I started out tonight that we prayed for the capacity to forgive.
We, we talked last night about the capacity to perceive a thing with our
perceiver before we can actually receive it by faith.
Okay.
So that's asking God to give us his eyes to see before, so that we can start to
believe it and come into agreement with it.
Right.
But sometimes we have to unpack the lies first.
And so you spending some time and really asking the Lord, when's the first time I
felt like you answered someone else's prayers and not mine and Lord, you know,
were there times and you don't necessarily have to ask your parents, but ask the Lord
were there times that my parents felt that way and because of what they were going
through, I heard or experienced that lie and that belief, you know, in my life
because of what they were going through.
And let's just see what the Lord starts to show you.
Cause I think it's going to start to come undone in a good way.
Um, you know, one of the other big things, and I know it's hard.
Okay.
I've been there too, but I'm really going to encourage you to not get caught up in
the lie and the belief that you're not going to be able to receive it.
compare yourself to other people, including your family.
Because while it might look easier for your cousin
and they're 11 years younger and all the things,
every person has their own path and their own journey.
And she has wounds and things she's been through
and you have wounds and things you've been through.
And you may just have believed for a while
you needed to be on, you needed to wait for your BOAS.
Who knows what led you guys both to the places
that you're at in the different timings.
But the reality is, is that at the core,
when we believe those kinds of things,
like, oh, they're younger and they're getting things
faster than I am and I'm not getting blessed
and they're getting blessed and here I am praying for it
and they're getting it.
What's really happening is we believe the lie
that our blessing is being blocked by somebody.
And if we can't put it on a person,
well, then it's God's fault.
He's blocking that blessing from me.
And if that's what we believe, we've gotta get to that core.
Where did we start believing the lie
that God who is good is blocking our blessing?
Versus, well, here's the reality.
Sometimes, and I'm not saying this is the case for you,
but I'm just saying it for everybody listening.
Sometimes we think we're ready for something and we're not.
And if we got that thing, it could actually destroy us.
Hence, me getting married at 22 years old.
Y'all, it was not a good idea.
It was not a good idea for me.
I was running away from the pain in my family
and I got married way too fast.
And I married someone who was abusive
and it just made everything worse.
Now, I'm not saying you're me.
I'm just saying sometimes we think we're ready
and God is protecting us.
I don't know what's caused you to be where you're at,
but I want you to know God is on your side
and He's fighting for you and He's believing with you
and He's walking with you.
And He wants you to be happy
and walk into the fullness of His promises
and plans for you more than you even want to.
And I know that might be hard to believe sometimes,
but I want you to know His grace is sufficient.
He will help you with the anger too.
Remember that anger is hurts body guard, okay?
That's the last thing I wanna kinda touch on
before I go to Shelly.
So the anger that you're feeling,
remember that that's a signal
that underneath of there is sadness.
There's probably hurt and pain under there.
So that's why we wanna get to the root of where this stuff,
where this belief system started for you, okay?
Yeah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
We're praying for you.
We're cheering you on.
It's gonna be good.
I know sometimes it can take time ladies,
but it really will start to work together
and you'll start to feel at some point,
we all hit that point where we start to feel that momentum.
It's just a different timeframe for everybody,
but God has something good for you.
If He did it for me, He can do it for you.
And He's doing it for all kinds of people in our community.
So you're next.
Oh man.
Shelly, your turn.
Okay.
First of all, I am so happy to be back.
It's nice to hear you again,
but the timing of this is perfect
because I need to forgive myself
and not be hard on myself and give myself grace.
I started this program last July
and moved into a new home in September,
had a lot of things going on.
And in the front of the hard work book is all the boxes,
things to keep, junk, all that good stuff.
Well, I was married for 25 years
and we dated for seven years.
And so it was a big change when we went through the divorce
and had to get rid of everything.
I moved into an apartment, never really unpacked my boxes.
Now I've got this home, still have things in boxes.
So it's been almost a year
and I've had a lot of stress at my job
and looking at my house at where I'm at,
I don't feel like I'm as far along as what I wanted to be.
I will say that the heart work program
has helped me out tremendously.
I could tell my spirit in my heart, everything,
my nervous system was doing so much better.
What brought me back is number one,
I just knew I needed to come back because I missed y'all
and also because I felt the stressors.
You had made a mention about surviving and thriving
or survivors and thriving.
And I'm in the survivor stage,
but I know I've been in the thriving
and it toggles back and forth.
But you also mentioned stressors
and people who are thriving,
they know how to deal with it.
to handle those stressors, and I remember telling my friend because, you know, he was like,
what do you mean you need to work on your heart? You're doing great. I said, no, there was something
that had occurred, and I could tell that there was a change in my attitude and my heart, and I was
like, my nervous system, I could feel it out of whack, out of alignment, and so I knew, I was like,
something's off, and I know the enemy likes to attack as well, especially when things are going
well, but also when you get all this compiled, kind of like what you were saying, that's when
he comes, and he'll start putting, you know what, you're never going to take care of this. Look,
it's been almost a year. You're never going to do it. You're not good enough. You're not,
it's just the same old, same old for you, Shelly. You know, nothing's ever going to change,
so when you were saying all this stuff, because you had also mentioned, I wrote down
about looking under that hood again, like, I need to take another peek,
so let me see if there's anything else, but anyways, that's why I'm back, because I do,
I need to kind of get back in that alignment. I kind of feel like a car, you know, it's like
a realignment, or forgot how I put it, recalibrate, realign something, and so here I am, and I think
I started this sometime in July, so I have made, today's my first day. I told myself,
it's like a boot camp. When I first started this, I didn't know how I had to really cut things off,
and I didn't do it like that, right? Now, I'm devoted, and I said June 1st, which is today,
and I, well, actually, I started on Saturday, but I'm like, I'm going to just be,
I know what to expect. I got my book, and then also, I'm going to join Jackie's book club. My
book finally arrived. That's awesome. Yeah, so I'm going to be doing that. I think she has four
weeks left, but I wanted to do 30 days, and I'm going to do more, but what I'm saying is that,
with all of this, I have learned that I just need to forgive myself. I'm doing a great job. I just
got to keep going, and just get back in the swing of things, so nice to see you. It's nice to see
you, too. I was looking something up, so I didn't want you to think I wasn't paying attention to
you. When you guys were in, when you ladies were in the breakout session, as I was praying,
the word revitalization came up in my spirit, and I haven't said that word in a really long time,
but it felt very significant when I said it, and as you were talking, I feel like that word is for
everyone, but I do feel like, Shelly, that word is for you, and I wanted to look up the actual
definition of it, and so this is what it says. To revitalize means to give new life or vigor to,
like God wants to give you new life. He wants to kind of that, and even I'm like, what is vigor?
I got to look that up. You guys might want to look that up, but here are some synonyms. Refresh,
or excuse me, freshen, recharge, recreate, refresh, refresh, and regenerate, rejuvenate, renew,
repair, restore, resuscitate, revive, and revivify. Ladies, this is what it means sometimes to lean
into something when you hear it, and you start looking a little further into that word.
So often, we just, we hear the negative, and we, again, no shame in this. I do it too.
I catch myself still doing this stuff, and we go all the way down the road with the enemy,
but we hear a good word from the Lord, and we're like, Oh, what does that mean? I don't know,
and we just keep going, but like, no, let's pause and look at like, okay, what is revitalized? Well,
what is vigor? Oh, wait, what are synonyms? And what does that say to your spirit? Like,
what is God saying to you about how he wants to resuscitate something that you thought was dead?
Yes. So Shelly, I totally think you can do this, and remember, you know, and I'm going to speak
to myself too. You know, how do we eat an elephant one bite at a time? How do we unpack
our boxes? I've moved so many times in my life, so I feel you. Like, sometimes you just like,
you move, and you're just like, man, I just don't want to deal with those boxes, so I'm just going
to put them over there, at least for me. Right now too, we have a lot of boxes in our house still
because our church is under renovation, and we don't have storage for my husband's office stuff,
so we do have boxes still. But like, well, I'll just push those over by the wall, you know,
and they're on the outskirts, if you will, where we can have them right now. I just don't want to
think about those. But then what happens is you eventually start getting more boxes. Again,
if you're like me, you guys, stuff builds up so fast, doesn't it? And then before you know it
two years in, and you're like, what, where are all these boxes coming from? Stuff's creeping in
further, and so we got to declutter. We got to let God help us clear some stuff out. How do we
make room for the new ladies? Well, we got to move.
out some stuff that doesn't belong. That's where forgiveness
and all this stuff is, is going to come into play. So Shelly, I
love that you recognize, like, oh, man, that happened in my
heart feels different, not in a good way. So I want to lean into
healing and reconnecting with the Lord. So welcome back. It's
great to see you. Yes. I'm excited to hear about your move
and praying for all the things that work and that God would
help you continue to learn how to navigate the stress in your
job in a different way in the days ahead. Again, I mean, there
are days that I still like in ministry, it is kind of like,
oh my gosh, you know, they're just things it's hard. Sometimes
that's our flesh. And we're even right. God is with you. And
he's gonna help.
And one more thing I'm going to add, it won't take long. But
basically, we're gonna start with forgiveness. I don't know
when my sessions in for my year thing or whatever. I know I can
keep going. But if it's four or five weeks, how many weeks is
it?
So heartwork is designed to be at least five weeks. So if people
take longer, that's fine. We really don't encourage people to
go faster than that. Because you need to give yourself time to
breathe and process what you're learning, what you're hearing,
what you're reading, all of the things. And so yeah, we really
encourage people to take at least five weeks through the
program.
I just have a feeling since I'm starting with forgiveness, I
will go through it. And then also do forgiveness again. And
then maybe aim with that fifth week. And I think, I think
that's going to do it. I think it's just a beautiful way that
it's going to come out. So thanks again.
Love it. You're welcome. Yeah, great to hear from you. Joy.
It's your turn.
Awesome. Hello. Thank you so much. All right. So I was
sharing with breakout friends. I want to forgive people who
devalued me, disgraced me and looked down on me. I mean, the
first one is my, of course, my ex-husband. You know, when I
thought about people devalued me, looked down on me, I was
kind of, I still have some anger. I mean, it shows a sign
I have not totally forgive, maybe have not totally forgiven
them. But I still have an anger. And so I need to totally root
out that. Yeah, the root, the root. I need to take out the
root. Yeah, thank God. But at least I, it's God revealed to
me. I don't get rid of it. So why cause people devalue me? I
yeah, I think Satan tried, I mean, tried to destroy my
self-image. My, my step-up, of course, the first one. And then
my first marriage, my ex-husband, he had such insecurity
because I was beautiful, I was young. So he tried to just put
me down, you know, make me feel less than him. And so yeah, he
just wanted to make me feel I'm less than him. So he kind of
condescended. So then I sometimes I condescended to other
people. I don't know. So anyway, I need to help myself. And
that's why I told God, my future husband, one of the most
important thing, the quality, he will love me, value me so much.
He will adore me and cherish me.
So yes, he will. Yes, he will, Joy. And one of the things I
wrote down as you were talking, and ladies, this is for
everyone. But I do want to say this and remind you, I know,
you've grown so much joy, even tonight, as I can tell you're
talking, you have a lot more clarity as you're talking. It's
not good, you're doing great. And, you know, I wrote down, we
have to value ourselves first. Ladies, it's so important. And
I'm not saying it's easy, because, you know, sometimes we
we think we value ourselves, and then we get into a situation
with someone, and they say demeaning things or whatever's
going on there. You know, people might gaslight or abuse through
their words verbally or whatnot. And that can really wear on
people, even if they were a very strong, positive person. But I
think it's really important for us to also really look at, okay,
where was our heart before we went into that dynamic? You
know, and, and were we really valuing our
For me, again, I'm not saying this is for joy or any of you
all. But just from my perspective, one of the examples
I can give is that I attracted abusers because I came out of
abuse in an environment that I was used to is what I ended up
getting drawn to as a big giver and peacekeeper. And I still am
a giver and a peacekeeper. But I've learned how to have
boundaries. Now I've learned how to recognize yellow, orange
and red flags and not go into relationship with someone that
had a bunch of red flags were in the past, I just would blow
past those things back in the day, I didn't even know there
was a flag system. My husband talks about that, too. You know,
they just we just didn't have that understanding back then.
But, you know, really continuing to get to know who you are in
Christ. Some of you all I really want to, well, all of
you, I want to encourage you, go and try some new hobbies, go do
stuff, figure out who you are, what do you like? Because when
you get into the dating phases, you know, you don't want to just
morph into everything that other person wants you to be. Yes, you
start to do things that they enjoy, just to be a blessing to
them, but you don't want to completely lose yourself. Well,
a lot of us do that because we don't even know who we are
before we start dating. Yes, we don't know what we like, we
don't know the things that we are passionate about. And so I
want to encourage you to keep getting to know yourselves in
those ways. Joy, that was really great. Keep forgiving, you know,
and, um, you know, I think the the way that we know, if we've
really fully forgiven someone, at least from my perspective,
like I don't, when I think about what I went through with my ex
husband, like it still is kind of like, wow, I'm still shocked
that that's how it went. But I don't feel pain. I don't feel
anger towards him. I don't like it's just a fact now. It's just
like a fact of what happened. And so if some of you're like, I
don't know if I fully forgiven. Well, if you're questioning that
you probably there's probably still some more forgiveness
there that needs to be done. I know 100% of fully forgiven my
ex husband. And even with the girl's dad, you know, I was in a
cycle with their dad for a while, because every time he
would do something that would hurt them, then I would kind of
have to go back through that whole cycle to forgive him
again, because of what they were going through. And I'm not
saying I don't ever have to do that anymore. But I will tell
you that the more healed I become, and the less enmeshed I
am, like I love my daughters, but I'm not totally enmeshed in
everything anymore. And so I don't feel the depth of their
pain. Like I feel for them, I have compassion for them. I
don't like what they're going through. But it doesn't affect
me the same way because I'm not all caught up in the drama
anymore. Does that make sense? Everyone? Yeah. So some of you
all need to continue to become less enmeshed in the toxicity
and the relationships around you. Okay. Now, if they're young
little kids, now my girls are grown. Okay. So that changes
the dynamic to my girls don't tell me every single thing bad
that their dad does anymore. Back in the day they did.
Because they've been getting counseling too. And so they're
trying to not like, put all that on me anymore. Now, if they're
younger kids, you know, obviously, it's a whole
different story. So great share. Nat, I would love to hear what
you have to say.
Hello. Hello. Yeah, so when I joined the group, today, we were
talking about forgiveness. And I was thinking about, okay, do I
still have to get forgive someone and I have gone through,
like years before through this whole, like, I've been to
celebrate recovery. I don't know if you're familiar with it. And
I am. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, I've noticed that, like, what I want
to share here, maybe you can speak into it. What I noticed,
but like, bothers me in Christian circles, is when
people talk about forgiveness, it feels so focused on the end
results. Oh, you just have to give you just have to forgive
that it feels like the whole experience that you went
through, especially if it's something heavy, it just doesn't
feel validated. And then you focus so much on like, Oh, yeah,
I have to forgive this person, which you actually don't really
understand what that means, and how it should feel or not feel.
And then there are different views on that some people say,
well, it's not about feeling it's about decision, and then
you just keep forgiving and, and if it's something really heavy
that
had to forgive, I think, I don't know, I sometimes think, like, do you like, talk yourself into
forgiving, and then you think you've forgiven? And I know you kind of answered part of the
question, like when you know that you've forgiven, but I think there are also different situations
that arise in life, right, different milestones that can trigger these things and feelings.
And the fact that like, you're the one who has to live with consequences and the mourning of
the person that you are not because of what had happened to you, right? And, and maybe the choices
you've been making because of how the situation has impacted you, and so on, so on. So I just,
like, for people who, like, say, just became believers, which I'm not a new believer, but,
like, just became believers, and they encountered this forgive and let go concept, like,
how would you, you know, is there a way to go about it that validates what the person has gone
through? And I'm not talking about victim mentality, or for a person just to stay in that place of
trauma. But I just feel like, sometimes when people hear something heavy as Christians,
and they're just like, oh, you just have to forgive. It's like, it's, it's, it's really
like, it feels like that person has never gone through anything difficult in their life, and that
they kind of have zero compassion on what the person has gone through. So this is kind of what's,
like, when I feel, hear about forgiveness, and I'm like, okay, Lord, do I still have to forgive?
Is there, like, but how, like, how do I even know that I have fully forgiven? And there is so much
about, like, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, like, so much focus on this end point. But how
does actually the process look like? Well, number one, I will say, part of the whole thing in our
community, that's why we take you guys through week one, which is surrender. Week two is focusing
on the brokenness in your heart. And what, you know, all the different aspects of brokenness
and what that creates. And then week three, we're talking to you all about repentance,
and confession and that revealing for healing cycle. Why are we doing that? Why is it layered
that way? Well, because you like, it's important to go through all of those aspects of your heart
in the process of what you've been through. And then we take you to week four, which is forgiveness.
Now, tonight, you're just hearing me talk about week four, and forgiveness, that it is a choice,
because that's what Scripture actually says. Now, am I saying you have no emotion to process? No.
Guess what? We've given you the forgiveness prayer sheet to help you actually process what you are
forgiving. Why? How do you feel about that forgiveness? You can write anything you want
on that sheet. We're not saying don't feel anything. We're saying feel the feels. This is a
core thing that we say in our community. Feel the feels so that God can heal the feels. Well, part of
forgiving from my perspective, it is just making the choice because so many people will say they
can't forgive. It's impossible to forgive. And the reason I can even be here tonight and say
it's not impossible is because I've had horrible things done to me in my life, and I've learned
how to forgive. And it did start primarily with making a choice. Now, were my feelings always
caught up to that choice? No. I had to learn how to continue to process the feelings, the emotions,
and as you stated, you know, some of the consequences of what other people had done,
as well as the bad choices I made that brought consequences that weren't good into my life.
And so even having to forgive myself, of course, there was layers to the releasing the shame and
the guilt and condemnation that I felt for some of those things. I had a, you know, a church that
I loved and I thought they were my family that when I hadn't even filed for divorce yet, I just
separated from my ex-husband, and they literally removed me as a teacher from the children's church
area. Something that I loved doing. I hadn't even filed for divorce yet. All I did was move out of
the house. Of course that was painful. I had to process that. So I don't know if that answers
your question, but we're never gonna, we're never just saying, oh, just you just do it and you just
should not feel anything. That's never going to happen. You're going to feel things.
We're saying that it does come down to what is in our hearts though,
and making the choice is kind of like that first step. And maybe that's why, you know, there are
like a lot of Christians that that is kind of what we say and what we focus on. But again, it's
because that is what the word says. Jesus Christ forgave us. He died and shed his blood on the
cross for me and for you. And then he asked us to do the same for other people.
And so that same grace and forgiveness that we receive,
that we can choose to extend that to someone else,
that's why it's a choice.
It's a partnering with what's already been done for us.
It's not something independent of what Jesus did.
It's in partnership with that.
We receive and then we can give.
And sometimes that's gonna feel really hard.
It is.
Sometimes it's gonna feel impossible.
But that is, if we partner with that,
well, that's us partnering with the lie of the enemy.
And that's not us trying to create shame for anyone.
That's just truth.
One of the things I wanna encourage you now
as you're processing this,
and I think this is a great question.
If there are unbelievers that become new believers
and that's hard for them,
I think what's really great about having community
is like for me, I had people that walked alongside of me
to help me learn how to forgive.
That's why discipleship matters in churches and communities.
That's what a lot of churches,
not saying every church does it,
but that's part of becoming a disciple,
becoming a Christ follower
is you have other people teaching you
how to walk this stuff out, not just make a decision
and boom, you gotta figure it out on your own.
And so I wanna encourage you as you're praying into this,
you said, it feels like when people are just saying this,
they're just saying, you should just forgive,
you should just forgive.
You said, it feels like that person
hasn't gone through anything
and they have no compassion for anybody else.
And I wanna encourage you to look at
where that's come from in your own heart.
So I don't know if it felt like that for you
way back in the beginning.
I don't know if that is just the enemies
trying to convince you
that those people don't have compassion
because a lot of times,
the enemy will try to bring a critical spirit into us,
like he'll try to get us to take what he's feeding
and trying to bite off of that stuff
and we become critical,
but even to be able to do that,
for us to partner with a critical spirit in any way,
typically we have pain underneath the surface,
something that where we got hurt
and we need to forgive
or we need to experience God's grace wash over us
in a fresh way in that area
so that we don't have to continue looking at that person
or that situation that way.
Now, if it's someone that's been in authority and leadership
and they mishandled their authority and their leadership,
I'm not saying all Christians do it well.
I'm not even saying I do it perfectly.
Y'all, I coach every week, every single week,
for me to say I have never said anything wrong,
I don't know, I don't even think I can make that claim.
You know, we show up and we do the best that we can do
to be a vessel for God to work through
and I hope and I pray that everything that I've ever said,
that it will lead people closer to Christ,
closer to his healing, closer to his love,
but if it hasn't, I trust that God can cover those things.
There are gonna be imperfect leaders, 100%,
imperfect Christians, we're all imperfect,
but if we can believe the best in other people
instead of the worst in them,
man, that changes the whole dialogue, doesn't it?
So I wanna encourage you to really look at
where did that kind of start for you
to believe that these people don't have compassion
because they're saying this.
So I don't know if that came out of maybe
if you felt that you didn't have community.
This is a great question,
I really want you to hear me say that to you.
I'm so glad that you asked it
because I think there are a lot of people
that feel this way and they didn't really know
how to express it or what God really designed
for the church to be.
The body of Christ is meant to,
when someone is weak, to lift up their weak and feeble knees
but the people have to be willing
to let the church help them do that.
We are the church, we, people, right?
And so sometimes when we don't have community
and we're alone, when we're trying to go through something
and we, like I can remember the last thing I'll share
and I hope this is helpful, Nat.
I can remember my, the pastor where I really grew up
in my faith a lot.
There's one time my ex-husband and I went up for prayer
and I was crying at the altar
and my ex-husband wasn't.
And I remember my pastor said, you're too sensitive.
And he said to my ex-husband, you're not sensitive enough.
And I just remember this,
it just felt like an indictment on me
and it really wounded me
because I wasn't trying to be too sensitive.
And the reality is, is the wound of what he said,
it wasn't just what he said in that moment.
moment it went into things that my family had said to me growing up. I never felt safe to express my
emotion and my pain in the house that I grew up in. And so it wasn't just what he said in that
moment, I had to look at what it was linking to in my life as well and forgiving him because he's
imperfect too. I don't think he intended it to hit my heart the way it did, but the reality is that
is how it hit my heart. And in that moment, I didn't feel like I could trust him anymore.
Right? That's what happens. But what I could do is I could learn to forgive him.
But that is still to this day, one of the things that stands out from being in that church dynamic,
that there were several times where that kind of stuff happened. Do I think that he was a bad
leader? No, I absolutely do not. I think he was a great leader. I think he was a great pastor.
But I think that that was an area that maybe he just wasn't aware of how some things would land
with certain people. But I also had to be willing to look at what was going on in the inside of me,
just like what I read in the book. It's, you know, how we show up is how we're going to
interpret things. What's on inside of us. That's what caused me to receive the thing that he said
to me. Now he could have said it differently. I really believe that. But even if he hadn't,
if I was more healed on the inside, it might not have wounded me deeply the way that it did.
Does that make sense, everyone? I know that was a long answer, but I hope again that it was helpful.
Community is going to be really important to anyone's healing process. And so after you finish
week four, ladies, then we take you to week five, the real you, and we try to help you all learn how
to walk in the fullness of who God originally created you to be. And some of you are going to,
you know, really be able to receive that while you're here in the heartwork. You know, some of
you will go on from the heartwork and some of the stuff that we've been teaching here will start to
make more sense even months from now. You know, so give yourselves a lot of grace. Again, Nat,
thank you for asking that question. I don't know if you can tell, I like talking about this kind of
stuff. I want people to feel safe. I want people to feel loved and supported no matter what the
question is. And to know that I do see even myself as a leader times where I could have done
or said something differently, you know, and so I want to extend that same grace to other leaders
because I don't want to get to heaven and have judged people very harshly and wanted grace for
myself and get to heaven and have to answer for my harsh criticism of other people, you know,
and so I'm not saying that you are being harsh with anyone, but that's just coming up in my
spirit too as I'm talking this out with y'all. But I love you, ladies. It was great to be back
with y'all again tonight. We're at 938, so I'm going to close this out. Good things are happening.
I'm seeing so much breakthrough in the group, so I'm praying for you all. Let me pray and close us.
Father, thank you so much for this night. Thank you, God, for your truth. Thank you for your hope
in your life. God, I thank you for supernatural breakthroughs continuing to happen in all of
these ladies' hearts, their lives, their minds, their spirits. God, we thank you for revelation
and insight. God, we thank you that you would just help them to, as they read your word,
let it come alive in them. God, give them a hunger and thirst for your righteousness, for your truth,
for your love. Help them to see themselves more clearly through your eyes every single day.
Yes, Lord, remove any scales from their eyes, like even in the story of Paul, just
how there were scales and then they were removed. And God, in that time, he saw you so clearly.
So God, I thank you that you would help them to see you more clearly, that they would
grow in the knowledge of your character, that you are a good father who gives good gifts to
your children. In Jesus' name, amen. God bless you all. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.
Bye. Have a good