WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.560 Now we're recording. Okay. So yes, welcome ladies. This is the one o'clock Eastern phase two 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:12.120 Call here for last year single. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here 3 00:00:12.680 --> 00:00:16.260 I am a success story. So I've been coaching now gosh 4 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:20.320 Over two years now. I kind of lose track of 5 00:00:21.400 --> 00:00:26.760 Everything I I've been with Jackie since 2020 as a single and then I got married in 6 00:00:27.720 --> 00:00:32.720 2023 and then right after I got married I started coaching with her. So 7 00:00:33.480 --> 00:00:37.920 But I was doing a lot of stuff with her even in my single time as well. So 8 00:00:38.800 --> 00:00:43.520 It's so good to be here. I'm so glad she did not kick me out of her program after I got married 9 00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:45.520 I don't know what I would have done 10 00:00:45.560 --> 00:00:47.560 this program definitely 11 00:00:47.680 --> 00:00:53.440 This community was a saving grace for me. It has unlocked so much not just the marriage y'all 12 00:00:53.440 --> 00:00:58.040 I hope you I like that's one thing that I really just feel in my heart to share 13 00:00:58.800 --> 00:01:00.920 this community doesn't just 14 00:01:01.640 --> 00:01:03.640 You know unlock 15 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:08.080 The possibility of you know, you get in your spirit mate, you know 16 00:01:08.080 --> 00:01:12.240 I'm like that happens y'all it does but it's so much more than that 17 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:13.280 Okay 18 00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:16.920 Like I cannot even begin to tell you like it would take me 19 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:23.280 Hours upon hours upon hours if I just told you all like what this community truly has done 20 00:01:23.440 --> 00:01:27.800 in my life and all the full circle moments since I 21 00:01:28.960 --> 00:01:36.640 before I met Jackie and what led me to find Jackie and then even after finding Jackie's community and all the full circle moments after 22 00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:41.240 That all the things that are still happening. So I just want that to encourage you 23 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:47.940 And just you know, I really just hope that just gives you a little bit of a boost that yes 24 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:52.840 You're gonna get your husband and get so much more too. Okay, so 25 00:01:54.160 --> 00:01:56.320 For those of that you just jumped on I had 26 00:01:57.080 --> 00:02:01.080 everything that I was going to teach on today and then God kind of last-minute was like 27 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.680 No, you're gonna you're gonna 28 00:02:04.360 --> 00:02:07.800 you're going to share with them kind of what I've been walking you through and 29 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:16.200 It pertains to a lot of the things that they're going through and dating and I'm like really okay, let's roll with it. So 30 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:22.240 It's definitely good to be here. But again, so nice to have those of you that are just joining us 31 00:02:22.880 --> 00:02:28.120 And very new to phase two welcome heart work we still do that in here too as well 32 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:31.080 So don't think that you're getting a lot of that yet. All right 33 00:02:32.680 --> 00:02:39.120 Did anybody sign up for Jackie's book club has anybody been able to do that good awesome 34 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:41.320 And everyone's starting to read the book 35 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:43.800 How are we liking it? 36 00:02:43.800 --> 00:02:48.000 It's good. I still have to get my coffee. I told really good 37 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:52.940 I'm not able to go tonight because I have to go to a meeting. So my schedules flip-flop today 38 00:02:52.940 --> 00:02:57.160 So I usually do the 8 p.m. With Ebony instead of daytime with you 39 00:02:58.440 --> 00:03:03.080 So but yeah, really good. I think for me it really 40 00:03:03.600 --> 00:03:06.720 Like we were praying this morning online. It really exposed 41 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:13.940 a lot of the lies and agreements that I partnered with in the Christian community about 42 00:03:14.220 --> 00:03:17.380 About dating and marriage, I mean it was it's very humbling 43 00:03:20.420 --> 00:03:25.300 How many allies that you've agreed with that other people have spoken over you 44 00:03:25.900 --> 00:03:31.060 For and that's the thing is and people have the good intention and the good heart when they're sharing that 45 00:03:31.700 --> 00:03:36.340 But it's so interesting how sometimes the enemy can come in and creep in and distort 46 00:03:36.860 --> 00:03:40.860 What God means to like, you know, he wants to he wants to hear the good things 47 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:46.620 But in our trauma and on our own pain and our unhealed areas 48 00:03:46.740 --> 00:03:52.740 We'll hear something different and we'll start distorting that and so that's kind of one of those 49 00:03:52.980 --> 00:03:58.620 Little avenues that the enemy can use and so I'm glad that you ladies are getting something out of that book 50 00:03:59.180 --> 00:04:04.540 I've got mine. I'm coming. So I'm excited to dig in 51 00:04:04.540 --> 00:04:08.780 I told Bethany the other day I was like, you know, I told my husband I'm like 52 00:04:09.180 --> 00:04:12.460 I know I don't need this book because I'm not dating 53 00:04:13.420 --> 00:04:15.420 And of course, he's like I sure hope not 54 00:04:16.060 --> 00:04:17.180 and 55 00:04:17.180 --> 00:04:21.660 But I'm like, but I really want to get the wisdom because I know we do 56 00:04:21.660 --> 00:04:25.280 Oh, I mean, this is what this phase is. It's it's the dating phase, right? 57 00:04:25.460 --> 00:04:30.620 This is where you ladies are released to go and start dating and you're getting your toes wet or you're either just 58 00:04:30.900 --> 00:04:37.620 Somebody's just diving in like they're going off the high dive. They're like, yes, let's go and then if you were like me 59 00:04:38.140 --> 00:04:43.020 I'm like, uh, can I just put like a pinky toe and I'm not quite ready 60 00:04:43.580 --> 00:04:45.580 and so it took me a little longer, so 61 00:04:46.300 --> 00:04:52.740 I'm definitely excited to hear that. I'm so glad that y'all are having fun with that. Jackie is a riot. I absolutely love her 62 00:04:52.740 --> 00:04:55.420 She has like you just have fun with her 63 00:04:56.140 --> 00:04:59.900 Like you can't not have fun with Jackie like she is a good time 64 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:01.080 Let me tell you. 65 00:05:01.080 --> 00:05:06.080 Okay, so glad that you are doing that. 66 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:07.840 If you do not have the book, 67 00:05:07.840 --> 00:05:10.160 go ahead and make sure you're putting that on order. 68 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.200 I don't really have any other housekeeping things 69 00:05:12.200 --> 00:05:14.120 that I can think of right off the top of my head. 70 00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:15.480 Like I said, God said, 71 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:17.200 you're gonna do some other notes today. 72 00:05:17.200 --> 00:05:19.600 And I was like, okay, I'm gonna roll with it. 73 00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:22.440 So let me go ahead and pray for us. 74 00:05:22.440 --> 00:05:24.880 And that might actually settle me into, 75 00:05:24.880 --> 00:05:27.120 because like I said, I'm kind of like my, 76 00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:29.200 I'm the mentality, like I'm a planner. 77 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:31.720 I have structure. 78 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:34.400 And so when that does not follow, 79 00:05:34.400 --> 00:05:36.200 you'll see me a little discombobulated. 80 00:05:36.200 --> 00:05:39.000 So that's probably what y'all seeing right now. 81 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:43.000 Little insight, when Carla gets a little fluster, 82 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:45.000 this is what you're seeing. 83 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:47.280 Oh, heavenly father, I just thank you. 84 00:05:47.280 --> 00:05:48.240 I thank you for this day. 85 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.280 I thank you for this time together, Lord. 86 00:05:51.280 --> 00:05:52.440 I thank you for the pressing. 87 00:05:52.440 --> 00:05:56.920 I thank you for stretching that you allow for us 88 00:05:56.920 --> 00:05:57.760 in this community. 89 00:05:57.760 --> 00:06:00.440 I thank you for the space that you have given us 90 00:06:00.440 --> 00:06:02.000 to be able to do that. 91 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:05.560 I thank you for just the trust and the honesty 92 00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:07.520 and the vulnerability in this community 93 00:06:09.200 --> 00:06:13.720 that you just provide wisdom and peace 94 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:18.320 and just care and compassion. 95 00:06:18.320 --> 00:06:22.160 And I just thank you for the opportunity for that, Lord. 96 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:25.320 I thank you for the hearts in each and every woman 97 00:06:25.320 --> 00:06:27.440 on this call today and in listening and replaying, 98 00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:30.320 here in this community overall. 99 00:06:31.640 --> 00:06:36.640 Lord, I appreciate all the things that you've done 100 00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:40.200 through Jackie's ministry and what you've called her to do 101 00:06:40.200 --> 00:06:42.720 and the connections that you have made 102 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:44.640 for so many of us women. 103 00:06:45.880 --> 00:06:48.760 And I just thank you that we get to have this opportunity 104 00:06:48.760 --> 00:06:50.960 and this experience to come together 105 00:06:50.960 --> 00:06:54.280 and to lean on each other, to be vulnerable, 106 00:06:54.280 --> 00:06:59.280 to be real, to be honest, to get to investigate 107 00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:05.800 and see those areas where maybe we were seeing 108 00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:08.880 distorted images of what it is 109 00:07:08.880 --> 00:07:11.120 that you were wanting to share with us, 110 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:14.440 that in those thoughts where maybe the enemy 111 00:07:14.440 --> 00:07:17.560 has distorted things and confused us, 112 00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:20.520 that we get this opportunity to come together 113 00:07:20.520 --> 00:07:25.520 as the body of Christ and we get to lean on each other 114 00:07:27.000 --> 00:07:29.800 and we get to lean on you most importantly. 115 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:32.320 We get to come to you together 116 00:07:32.320 --> 00:07:35.800 and that you can speak in us and through us 117 00:07:35.800 --> 00:07:37.520 and use each and every one of us 118 00:07:37.520 --> 00:07:39.760 and each and every one of the stories 119 00:07:39.760 --> 00:07:42.280 that is represented here on this call today. 120 00:07:42.280 --> 00:07:43.960 Lord, I thank you for that. 121 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:46.880 What's so special about this community 122 00:07:46.880 --> 00:07:50.000 is the connections and the stories 123 00:07:50.440 --> 00:07:52.880 that you have written for each individual. 124 00:07:55.200 --> 00:07:59.520 You've written their story tailored just for them, 125 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:05.600 but you use their story to speak to all. 126 00:08:06.960 --> 00:08:08.200 I thank you for that, Lord. 127 00:08:08.200 --> 00:08:10.080 And I just ask that you come and be with us 128 00:08:10.080 --> 00:08:12.120 in this moment today. 129 00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:14.960 Just give us your word, Lord. 130 00:08:14.960 --> 00:08:17.920 Give us what it is that you wanna speak to us. 131 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:22.920 And we're gonna just lay this call in your hands, Lord. 132 00:08:22.960 --> 00:08:24.080 And I just thank you for that. 133 00:08:24.080 --> 00:08:26.640 I'm expectant of what you wanna do here 134 00:08:26.640 --> 00:08:29.920 in us and through us and I'm excited. 135 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:32.559 So in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 136 00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:36.679 All right, ladies, do we have any other joiners? 137 00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:37.520 No, I don't think so. 138 00:08:37.520 --> 00:08:38.360 I think everybody's here. 139 00:08:38.360 --> 00:08:40.200 That started the prayer with me. 140 00:08:40.200 --> 00:08:45.200 Okay, so I was looking through our app. 141 00:08:45.800 --> 00:08:49.000 And so ladies, if you're not posting in the app, 142 00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:52.160 I really do wanna encourage you to do so, okay? 143 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:57.640 That's where, like I said, like when I was praying here, 144 00:08:59.840 --> 00:09:02.160 your love story isn't just for you. 145 00:09:04.760 --> 00:09:06.360 We're brought to this community, 146 00:09:06.360 --> 00:09:08.160 like we are created to do community 147 00:09:08.160 --> 00:09:09.720 and to do life with each other. 148 00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:15.720 And so I know at times it gets really challenging 149 00:09:15.720 --> 00:09:17.080 to open up and be vulnerable, 150 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:19.360 especially when we've been hurt in community 151 00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:22.880 or having like, we've been hurt in relationship 152 00:09:22.880 --> 00:09:25.880 and there's a lot of fear that surfaces in there. 153 00:09:25.880 --> 00:09:29.280 And so I know that can be a challenge. 154 00:09:29.280 --> 00:09:32.840 And so I just want you to spend some time 155 00:09:32.840 --> 00:09:34.760 pressing into that a little bit. 156 00:09:34.760 --> 00:09:39.600 You know, we're not asking you to spill all the tea, okay? 157 00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:43.800 We're asking you to partner with God 158 00:09:43.800 --> 00:09:48.760 and He reveal to you what He wants you to share, okay? 159 00:09:48.760 --> 00:09:52.120 It doesn't have to be more than you're willing to share. 160 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:54.920 He's got you and He's gonna direct you 161 00:09:54.920 --> 00:09:59.600 and give you peace about what it is about your story 162 00:09:59.600 --> 00:10:01.200 that He wants you to share. 163 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.760 wants you to share in this community. 164 00:10:02.760 --> 00:10:05.200 But I read through a lot of the comments, 165 00:10:06.540 --> 00:10:09.360 and sometimes it does take me a little longer 166 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:14.360 to reply to you because I really do intentionally 167 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:16.640 spend time with the Lord 168 00:10:19.240 --> 00:10:22.680 to really hear what it is that he's wanting to speak. 169 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:29.100 And so sometimes I have to kind of take a moment 170 00:10:29.100 --> 00:10:32.700 to make sure that I'm separating parla 171 00:10:32.700 --> 00:10:37.060 from what God is really wanting me to speak, okay? 172 00:10:37.060 --> 00:10:41.700 And so, but when I get the opportunity to really, 173 00:10:41.700 --> 00:10:44.340 like there's days where I just dive in 174 00:10:44.340 --> 00:10:48.780 and I will just sit there and pray and journal 175 00:10:48.780 --> 00:10:51.300 and just ask the Lord, like, you know, 176 00:10:51.300 --> 00:10:53.900 read through y'all's, you know, post 177 00:10:53.900 --> 00:10:56.660 and your replies and your comments. 178 00:10:56.700 --> 00:10:59.260 And I'm like, you know, Lord reveal to me 179 00:10:59.260 --> 00:11:02.580 what it is that, you know, is happening in their hearts 180 00:11:02.580 --> 00:11:04.780 and what it is that you want them to know. 181 00:11:06.100 --> 00:11:09.100 And I was doing that this morning 182 00:11:10.980 --> 00:11:13.640 and I started seeing this, 183 00:11:13.640 --> 00:11:15.620 the same thing kind of popping up. 184 00:11:15.620 --> 00:11:19.560 And it's what, what's interesting is it's what we've, 185 00:11:19.560 --> 00:11:23.660 what I've really been focused on 186 00:11:23.660 --> 00:11:26.000 over the last several weeks in our teachings. 187 00:11:27.140 --> 00:11:29.060 And I'm like, well, God, I think like, 188 00:11:29.060 --> 00:11:30.420 I'm not gonna teach about that 189 00:11:30.420 --> 00:11:32.380 cause we've already taught about that. 190 00:11:32.380 --> 00:11:33.220 And so that's what I'm saying, 191 00:11:33.220 --> 00:11:35.140 I literally had other stuff like planned. 192 00:11:35.140 --> 00:11:36.740 Cause I'm like, no, like we've already, 193 00:11:36.740 --> 00:11:37.580 we've already gone over this 194 00:11:37.580 --> 00:11:39.800 so I'm gonna be a broken record. 195 00:11:39.800 --> 00:11:41.740 And literally like right before I jumped on, 196 00:11:41.740 --> 00:11:45.180 he's like, no, like this is really what I want them to hear. 197 00:11:45.180 --> 00:11:46.660 Like, this is really important, Carla. 198 00:11:46.660 --> 00:11:49.340 Like this is what's happening in their hearts. 199 00:11:49.340 --> 00:11:52.780 And he's like, Carla, this is happening in your heart too. 200 00:11:52.780 --> 00:11:55.260 And so there's a bigger message here 201 00:11:55.260 --> 00:12:00.260 and it is going to really benefit things in their dating 202 00:12:00.680 --> 00:12:03.620 because this is where a lot of this gets revealed. 203 00:12:03.620 --> 00:12:05.740 He's like, Carla, remember a lot of this got revealed 204 00:12:05.740 --> 00:12:10.140 to you in dating and it's where you started the process. 205 00:12:10.140 --> 00:12:12.540 And he's like, and now you're in marriage 206 00:12:12.540 --> 00:12:15.260 and blending your life and your family 207 00:12:15.260 --> 00:12:16.580 and doing this for three years. 208 00:12:16.580 --> 00:12:19.140 And he's like, and you're still like, 209 00:12:19.140 --> 00:12:21.060 that's part of the process. 210 00:12:21.060 --> 00:12:23.280 He's like, so this process is important 211 00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:27.800 because it's going to carry into what promises 212 00:12:27.800 --> 00:12:31.000 he has for you in marriage as well. 213 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:34.400 And I'm like, okay, Lord, whatever you wanna do, 214 00:12:34.400 --> 00:12:35.920 whatever you wanna do, right? 215 00:12:35.920 --> 00:12:40.520 And so, you know, a lot of the questions 216 00:12:40.520 --> 00:12:45.520 that we keep asking why they all sound different, 217 00:12:45.520 --> 00:12:50.320 they are actually very, very similar 218 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:55.280 in the sense that the questions at the core 219 00:12:55.280 --> 00:12:57.800 are still wanting certainty 220 00:12:57.800 --> 00:12:59.700 before there's enough information. 221 00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:03.700 Okay, so if you've been on the calls 222 00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:04.680 over the last couple of weeks, 223 00:13:04.680 --> 00:13:06.640 if you've listened to any of the replays, 224 00:13:06.640 --> 00:13:09.360 you will see that that's kind of where, you know, 225 00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:11.440 God is kind of just sitting us there. 226 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:14.040 So I'm like, okay, God, for whatever reason. 227 00:13:14.040 --> 00:13:18.880 So I really do think today he wants us to just sit 228 00:13:18.880 --> 00:13:23.880 in a space and really learn to lean in and trust him 229 00:13:24.280 --> 00:13:29.280 more than our need to know and understand things, okay? 230 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:35.960 And so I want us to focus on choosing 231 00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:40.760 super natural surrender every single day. 232 00:13:40.760 --> 00:13:44.080 And God brought me to remembering, you know, 233 00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:48.320 that's when you all first joined this community, 234 00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:51.920 in phase one, and you opened up that heartwork book, 235 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:55.420 the first step was supernatural surrender. 236 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:02.600 Ladies, that is an everyday thing, okay? 237 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:07.600 So really want you to focus on that today 238 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:10.100 and every day moving forward. 239 00:14:10.100 --> 00:14:14.040 I want us to stay open and curious, okay? 240 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:17.160 Especially in this dating season, 241 00:14:17.160 --> 00:14:20.940 allow God to reveal what it is that you need to know 242 00:14:20.940 --> 00:14:22.280 when you need to know it. 243 00:14:23.480 --> 00:14:25.660 That's huge, and I don't think that's just for dating. 244 00:14:25.660 --> 00:14:26.500 I don't know about you all, 245 00:14:26.500 --> 00:14:29.460 but that's always been a theme in my life. 246 00:14:30.780 --> 00:14:33.320 If you're like me and just have this kind of tendency 247 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:34.780 to kind of have some anxiousness, 248 00:14:34.780 --> 00:14:37.080 where like, and I'm a planner, 249 00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:39.860 like I just need to know so I'm prepared. 250 00:14:39.860 --> 00:14:44.860 So if that resonates with you, you feel me, okay? 251 00:14:45.260 --> 00:14:48.900 So I just really want us to sit with that. 252 00:14:48.900 --> 00:14:52.540 Like, that's a good, like, especially in that dating, 253 00:14:52.540 --> 00:14:55.900 like, we want to know all the answers. 254 00:14:55.900 --> 00:14:57.940 We want to know, is this the guy for us? 255 00:14:57.940 --> 00:14:59.860 Is this, you know, what's this gonna look like 256 00:14:59.860 --> 00:15:00.700 if I date him? 257 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:07.840 enter a relationship with this person, am I going to end up hurt? If I choose this person, 258 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:14.080 am I going to regret my choice? Is this going to be the right choice? Yes, Cynthia's like, 259 00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:19.840 is this the right choice? Because a lot of us, maybe we had bad pickers in the past. I know I 260 00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:25.760 did. I had a really bad picker, y'all. I came from a really unhealthy, I had a lot of really 261 00:15:25.760 --> 00:15:33.040 unhealthy experiences and a lot of pain. I had a lot of guards up, a lot of trauma, a lot of hurt. 262 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:39.760 I was operating in that often. Because of that, I just wasn't picking very well. 263 00:15:39.760 --> 00:15:49.680 I was allowing fear to dictate my choices instead of leaning on God to reveal to me 264 00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:58.240 what the next step was. That's another thing, just keeping the Lord at the center 265 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:08.400 is so important. Ladies, you could be a brand new believer, you can be a believer 266 00:16:08.400 --> 00:16:15.440 your whole life. That can be a struggle for all of us, no matter what season you are in. 267 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:22.800 Because the enemy is after each and every one of us that believe in our Heavenly Father. 268 00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:32.480 He is coming to kill, steal, and destroy. You could have 30, 40, 50 years of 269 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:39.280 ministry and all these things, and guess what? You're not immune to it. You're not immune to, 270 00:16:39.520 --> 00:16:47.040 you're not immune to, at times, getting a little bit off path, off course, distracted, 271 00:16:47.680 --> 00:16:53.120 not centered on the Lord, just as much as you are if you're a brand new believer. 272 00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:58.400 You're like, well, I'm brand new. I don't know how this is done. That was kind of me in the very 273 00:16:58.400 --> 00:17:02.800 beginning when I first found the Lord, y'all. I did not grow up in a home that was centered on 274 00:17:02.800 --> 00:17:09.040 the Lord. I was like, this is brand new. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes that was like 275 00:17:09.040 --> 00:17:15.040 nice because I felt like I could give myself a little more grace, but now as I grow and I mature 276 00:17:15.040 --> 00:17:22.160 in that, I'm like, well, I don't know if I can use that anymore. I just want us to keep that open 277 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:26.880 heart. I'm going to touch on a couple of things, and then I'm going to share some things that God 278 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:31.760 has been speaking to me, and I'm going to open up for your questions as well. We'll just see 279 00:17:31.760 --> 00:17:40.400 where Holy Spirit leads us. Sound like a plan? Okay. The first thing is, and again, a lot of 280 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:46.080 this is probably going to be refreshers over the last couple of weeks because a lot of these things 281 00:17:46.080 --> 00:17:50.320 I feel like we've discussed. That's why I was kind of telling God, but I'm like, we already 282 00:17:50.320 --> 00:17:54.400 taught on this a couple of weeks ago. We don't need to do this again. He's like, no, you're doing 283 00:17:54.400 --> 00:18:00.240 this. I'm like, okay, fine. Dating is designed, number one, dating is designed just to reveal 284 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:05.200 information. Okay. I feel like that one is definitely a very repetitive thing that we have 285 00:18:06.560 --> 00:18:10.640 been sharing, especially in phase two. You will hear it all throughout phase two. 286 00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:18.240 You know, dating is this, level two dating is discovery dating. Okay. We talked a lot last 287 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:24.160 week about how we often are coming emotionally in at a level three when really we need to still 288 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:31.440 be at a level two emotional level, that curiosity stage, you know, you know, we're just here to, 289 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:38.560 y'all, this is, this is when that Jesus take the wheel song comes up all the time for me. 290 00:18:39.840 --> 00:18:45.280 Like, okay, Jesus, you are in the driver's seat of this dating experience. 291 00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:50.320 I had to do that a lot when I was dating in this community, 292 00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:58.960 put him in the driver's seat because your role is simply to observe, to gather information. I mean, 293 00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:04.320 think about it like way back, you know, think about if you're ever going on a road trip when 294 00:19:04.320 --> 00:19:09.920 you were younger, if you, if you and your families ever took road trips and your parents were the 295 00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:14.480 ones driving or, you know, the adult was driving, or maybe you went with some friends or a grandparent 296 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:23.520 or whatever. And you just got to be in the backseat and do all the fun, like entertain yourself games. 297 00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:31.440 Okay. Cause I don't think anybody on here is, is young enough where we had electronics. 298 00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:37.440 Like I was just riding with my kids the other day and like, they're asking, Oh, can I bring 299 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:43.280 my switch? Can I bring, and I'm like, yo, we're going like an hour to two hours down the road. 300 00:19:43.280 --> 00:19:48.560 Like what, like, what are we talking about? I'm sitting here thinking, man, you would not have 301 00:19:48.560 --> 00:19:54.560 survived. You would not have survived my childhood because we have those little water push games 302 00:19:54.560 --> 00:19:59.600 in the back, you know, and, and then we're sitting there playing like the, um, 303 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.760 the license plate games, which actually my kids because I we don't really I don't I don't really let them have a lot of electronics 304 00:20:05.760 --> 00:20:08.840 They actually now they tap us like they 305 00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:12.560 Happens like they straight-up hit us in the car 306 00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.760 anytime they see a 307 00:20:14.760 --> 00:20:20.640 License plate that has a different state on it because we're in Texas and so like I'll get hit and they'll say, Oklahoma 308 00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:25.800 I'm like what like what are you doing? Like or like they'll hit me and be like, Illinois 309 00:20:26.320 --> 00:20:33.960 Like that's a new one we don't typically see, Illinois, you know in the state so I want you to think back 310 00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:41.560 You get to be in the backseat and you can just get to enjoy the ride you get to get to see the scenery 311 00:20:43.160 --> 00:20:48.920 Like that's what you get to do that's what dating right now is for you 312 00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:53.680 Just observe take in the information 313 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:57.000 Like don't grab the wheel. Jesus has got that 314 00:20:58.080 --> 00:21:01.080 Stay present observe gather the information 315 00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:06.400 Trust that God is going to reveal to you what you need to know when you need to know it 316 00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:08.720 He's gonna reveal what matters most 317 00:21:09.760 --> 00:21:13.760 The goal is not going to be to figure everything out. It's just to pay attention 318 00:21:15.040 --> 00:21:16.720 Okay 319 00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:24.000 Okay, if we can show up every day in these dates and and when we're talking to people just remember 320 00:21:24.520 --> 00:21:27.080 Nope, right now. I'm just gathering information 321 00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:30.720 I'm just collecting information and 322 00:21:31.320 --> 00:21:33.960 Asking God what are you trying to reveal? 323 00:21:35.120 --> 00:21:37.520 That's a supernatural surrender posture 324 00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:40.640 Okay, number two 325 00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:45.640 Certainty is definitely going to feel safer than curiosity 326 00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:49.880 So once you think about this ladies 327 00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:58.760 It's not just in dating maybe it's with your job maybe it's with your living situation 328 00:21:59.760 --> 00:22:04.600 How often do we just want to know because if we know then then it's all good 329 00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:09.160 This is me 330 00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:11.440 you know, I'm 331 00:22:11.480 --> 00:22:13.480 Blending a family right now and 332 00:22:13.600 --> 00:22:19.920 We have three kids. They've experienced trauma. My two older kids lost their biological mother 333 00:22:21.600 --> 00:22:23.600 She passed away 334 00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:28.480 Six seven years ago. Okay, and so they've they've had a lot 335 00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.280 They've had a lot going on in their life and their teenagers 336 00:22:31.280 --> 00:22:36.000 So that and that in of itself y'all for any of you that were a teenager 337 00:22:36.520 --> 00:22:42.440 We all were or have had teenagers you understand like that is just a very challenging season 338 00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:45.560 it's and it's challenging even for me because I 339 00:22:46.320 --> 00:22:49.520 Had a seven-year-old when I met my husband. I 340 00:22:50.560 --> 00:22:52.560 Was not prepared 341 00:22:53.080 --> 00:22:58.080 To take on teens right away. I thought I was I thought it was a pretty darn good mom and 342 00:22:58.760 --> 00:23:00.760 Then I got thrown to teens 343 00:23:01.560 --> 00:23:03.560 who had a lot of trauma and 344 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:10.840 So I most certainly clung to this I just need to be certain that these kids are gonna turn out, okay 345 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:13.160 They're not gonna hate me. Um 346 00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:16.160 They're not gonna like 347 00:23:16.760 --> 00:23:22.960 Wind up in jail. Like they're not gonna like I mean literally like I had so much fear 348 00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:29.120 around these two kiddos that like their their life to me like I 349 00:23:29.440 --> 00:23:32.440 Love and cherish like they're my own 350 00:23:33.560 --> 00:23:35.560 and so I 351 00:23:35.600 --> 00:23:37.600 Was fighting oftentimes? 352 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:40.480 needing just to know and 353 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:48.400 Control the outcomes of everything because if I could control the outcome then I would feel reassured that they were gonna be 354 00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:50.400 Okay 355 00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:59.840 But what I want you ladies to hear is that the root of a lot of that certainty 356 00:24:00.800 --> 00:24:02.800 It's fear 357 00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:05.720 The need for certainty 358 00:24:07.840 --> 00:24:13.480 Is coming from a place of fear number one was that dating is designed for 359 00:24:14.840 --> 00:24:17.920 Discovery we're just gathering information 360 00:24:20.120 --> 00:24:27.160 So I want you ladies to think and I want you to this is a moment for us to really get real 361 00:24:28.080 --> 00:24:30.200 vulnerable honest raw 362 00:24:30.280 --> 00:24:34.320 Just sit with it for a minute. I really want you to ask 363 00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:38.440 Holy Spirit to reveal to you 364 00:24:39.120 --> 00:24:41.840 What is your one biggest fear? 365 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.720 when it comes to dating and 366 00:24:45.560 --> 00:24:47.560 You can go ahead and share it in the chat 367 00:24:53.560 --> 00:24:56.560 I mean, there's lots of different fears 368 00:24:56.560 --> 00:24:58.560 You 369 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.620 And you might not you might not just have one you might have a handful of them and that's okay, too 370 00:25:10.520 --> 00:25:14.440 That's a big one falling for the wrong guy like picking the wrong guy, right 371 00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:19.880 Getting it wrong choosing the wrong person 372 00:25:21.600 --> 00:25:23.600 You know 373 00:25:24.600 --> 00:25:31.680 We might fear oversharing too soon, but Mika, what's that what's that rooted in what's if you overshare too soon then what? 374 00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:38.440 What's that? What's what's the fear behind the oversharing too soon? There's still something I want you to go deeper there 375 00:25:39.800 --> 00:25:45.200 The wasting time and getting hurt again. A lot of times people fear having to go back and 376 00:25:46.440 --> 00:25:48.160 get 377 00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:50.520 Feel like they're going through that same cycle again 378 00:25:51.160 --> 00:25:53.160 They're getting hurt then 379 00:25:53.920 --> 00:26:00.680 What are we fearing wasting time for what's the what's the big fear of that? That's a big one the wasting time 380 00:26:02.800 --> 00:26:10.400 Rejected yes, that's it. That's a huge one a fear of rejection 381 00:26:13.520 --> 00:26:15.520 Yes, yes, yes 382 00:26:15.800 --> 00:26:23.760 So ladies that's where I want you to be thinking as when you have these moments where you feel like you have to just 383 00:26:23.760 --> 00:26:24.720 know 384 00:26:24.720 --> 00:26:26.720 because if I know 385 00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:32.960 But ask yourself am I needing to know because I'm trying to protect myself 386 00:26:34.600 --> 00:26:36.600 Am I going into self-protection 387 00:26:37.120 --> 00:26:44.000 Because curiosity is going to ask questions here is going to demand answers 388 00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:53.600 So if you're coming from I need answers you're probably being driven by fear 389 00:26:54.600 --> 00:27:01.560 but if you're coming from a place of curiosity and wanting to ask more questions, and you're saying hey, I 390 00:27:01.560 --> 00:27:06.800 Know what do you what do you mean by that? Like, you know, I'm curious. Do you? 391 00:27:07.960 --> 00:27:12.080 Is it important to you to be talking three or four times a day with somebody that you? 392 00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:15.720 Aren't really interested in 393 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:21.480 You know, I mean, I'm just throwing that out there. I mean again like there's things that like maybe 394 00:27:23.240 --> 00:27:26.360 Trigger us or something or that freaks us out 395 00:27:26.360 --> 00:27:34.520 Or maybe it's not moving fast enough or maybe you know, we're not attracted to them and we're not sure like I just need to know like 396 00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:40.120 How long do I need to stay and this is a big question that I get Carla? 397 00:27:40.120 --> 00:27:42.120 How long do I need to be in level two until? 398 00:27:43.000 --> 00:27:45.000 It's okay to be exclusive with somebody 399 00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:47.600 That's a big one 400 00:27:47.800 --> 00:27:55.000 About how long do I need to be in level two until it's okay to be in level two until I'm not attracted to them 401 00:27:55.120 --> 00:28:00.440 About how long and y'all I wish I could give you an answer, but there really isn't 402 00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:06.960 I will tell you how how long God tells you 403 00:28:10.120 --> 00:28:12.760 And make sure that it's God telling you and not fear 404 00:28:15.600 --> 00:28:19.200 Okay, so that's huge 405 00:28:19.320 --> 00:28:21.320 I 406 00:28:21.320 --> 00:28:23.320 Want you ladies to stay curious 407 00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:25.880 so if you're if 408 00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:33.120 You are dating someone and there's still some things you're not sure about but there are other things that you do like 409 00:28:33.400 --> 00:28:35.800 other things are clicking and aligning and 410 00:28:37.360 --> 00:28:39.360 You're like wow, I 411 00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:41.880 Like how he is 412 00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:48.080 Respecting my boundaries. He's thoughtful. He's showing up. He's intentional. He's planning a date. He's doing this 413 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:51.200 I'm just not sure 414 00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:53.640 I'm physically attracted to him 415 00:28:53.840 --> 00:29:00.040 But I enjoy my time that I'm spending with him because I really like how he's showing up as a man 416 00:29:02.120 --> 00:29:06.880 This is new for me, maybe I'm not used to guys being intentional 417 00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:12.240 You're still in that curiosity stage. You don't owe him exclusivity 418 00:29:13.520 --> 00:29:17.240 You get to stay open and and be learning 419 00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:19.040 Okay 420 00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:25.880 but the big part here too is are you staying connected here in our community and 421 00:29:26.600 --> 00:29:33.160 Discussing this with your coaches and your sisters here so that we can help you navigate and walk through that 422 00:29:34.440 --> 00:29:37.200 Because ladies I will tell you we will tell you 423 00:29:38.040 --> 00:29:39.120 when 424 00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:42.080 You're holding on to something that it's time to let go of it 425 00:29:42.800 --> 00:29:43.840 and 426 00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:45.840 Then we're gonna tell you ladies 427 00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:52.280 Well sounds doesn't sound like anything to throw in the towel just yet just stay curious 428 00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:59.840 You know, you're not exclusive yet you're not tied to one person, okay 429 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.980 All right, let's move on to three because this is another one that because I was talking 430 00:30:05.980 --> 00:30:09.940 a little bit about this the attraction part. 431 00:30:09.940 --> 00:30:14.420 It's not always going to be fireworks ladies. 432 00:30:14.420 --> 00:30:19.820 You know attraction does matter like this is the thing that like I think it gets misinterpreted 433 00:30:19.820 --> 00:30:26.300 when we coach this sometimes it's like well if he's ugly I'm still but he's nice I'm still 434 00:30:26.300 --> 00:30:27.940 supposed to date him. 435 00:30:28.420 --> 00:30:34.020 Y'all I before I joined this community I was in a very wounded place I did date someone 436 00:30:34.020 --> 00:30:40.780 that I was not physically attracted to and I thought because he was funny and everybody 437 00:30:40.780 --> 00:30:49.420 liked him and like he was like the life of the party but y'all he was he was you know 438 00:30:49.420 --> 00:30:54.900 he's just he was not attractive I was not attracted to him and I just thought why you 439 00:30:54.900 --> 00:31:03.460 know but everybody likes this guy but y'all he wasn't treating me well but I kept giving 440 00:31:03.460 --> 00:31:11.820 him excuses because I thought I had to because well the only reason is because I'm basing 441 00:31:11.820 --> 00:31:17.060 it off his looks but everybody else likes him so I should like him too. 442 00:31:17.060 --> 00:31:22.820 Well no I shouldn't have liked him because he really wasn't respectful to me. 443 00:31:22.820 --> 00:31:28.780 He wasn't being considerate he was more about everybody liking him than him being intentional 444 00:31:28.780 --> 00:31:38.260 to me and honoring me and being respectful to me and holding my boundaries. 445 00:31:38.260 --> 00:31:46.420 So attraction is important but it's not immediate always. 446 00:31:46.420 --> 00:31:54.860 I would rather you ladies spend time with someone that's going to pour into you and 447 00:31:54.860 --> 00:32:07.020 show you what intentional masculine healthy mature attraction looks like with the heart 448 00:32:07.020 --> 00:32:13.900 then the chemistry the fireworks the passion the physical like you know let's just get 449 00:32:13.900 --> 00:32:22.900 married quickly so we can have fun you ladies know I'm talking about all right like yes 450 00:32:22.900 --> 00:32:29.780 that is going to be important as you continue to grow in knowing them but don't think that 451 00:32:29.780 --> 00:32:35.960 that's going to have to be immediate right out the gate it might take a couple months 452 00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:40.820 of intentionally getting to know them and seeing how they show up I want you to look 453 00:32:40.820 --> 00:32:50.340 for compatibility an alignment you know where fireworks sometimes are more about the intensity 454 00:32:50.340 --> 00:32:57.700 of it is it familiar are you getting a dopamine hit are you being emotionally activated sometimes 455 00:32:57.700 --> 00:33:03.540 the attraction is emotionally activated by some of our stuff from our past that's not 456 00:33:03.540 --> 00:33:10.060 healthy because we're responding in some of our old patterns so healthy attraction is 457 00:33:10.060 --> 00:33:17.300 going to grow through trusting learning to trust somebody and again we're not trusting 458 00:33:17.300 --> 00:33:23.500 someone right out the gate like there's a little it there's a in the teaching world 459 00:33:23.500 --> 00:33:29.400 that I'm going back to my days when I was a teacher we used to call it is gradual release 460 00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:36.020 of responsibility or scaffolding you kind of like you went in with a little bit of like 461 00:33:36.020 --> 00:33:42.180 okay I'm going to kind of start you off with something and then gradually release some 462 00:33:42.180 --> 00:33:47.260 something's you we're going to we're going to we're not going to go from zero to a hundred 463 00:33:47.260 --> 00:33:51.460 with the trust but we're going to have to trust you with little bits and pieces and 464 00:33:51.460 --> 00:34:00.700 see how you handle little bits of trust first we're going to start off small and then we're 465 00:34:00.700 --> 00:34:07.860 going to continue to grow that as we continue to get to know know you that's emotional safety 466 00:34:07.860 --> 00:34:18.500 it's through friendship okay consistency consistency is another one that is y'all you can't have 467 00:34:18.500 --> 00:34:27.780 consistency unless there's time so that consistency is not going to happen if you're trying to 468 00:34:27.780 --> 00:34:34.219 cut and run after one week or two dates but two dates you're like okay like there's some 469 00:34:34.219 --> 00:34:40.620 things I really like about this person I don't think I'm like head over heels y'all I was 470 00:34:40.620 --> 00:34:45.460 getting to know my husband for three weeks before like and I really didn't know if I 471 00:34:45.460 --> 00:34:54.460 necessarily wanted to date him y'all I almost bailed out of our first in-person date because 472 00:34:54.460 --> 00:34:59.340 I was like I just don't know I wasn't sure 473 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.280 Like we had a lot of conversations and I'll and you ladies I won't be honest. I didn't do everything correctly. Okay, and 474 00:35:08.560 --> 00:35:09.840 I'll throw some of it 475 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:15.200 I'll throw some shade at my husband and say some of it was his fault because he was an open book and he overshared way 476 00:35:15.200 --> 00:35:17.200 Too much. I was like and that was another thing 477 00:35:17.200 --> 00:35:23.960 I was like Jackie this man is like over sharing and I don't like and so I was ready to cut and run really quickly 478 00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:28.640 But she's like just go have a date and have fun. I'm like fine 479 00:35:28.680 --> 00:35:32.800 So it's about three weeks that I was like, I just don't know 480 00:35:35.120 --> 00:35:40.280 And then over time and consistency he really did show up 481 00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:42.880 consistently 482 00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:44.640 He was intentional 483 00:35:44.640 --> 00:35:46.040 there was 484 00:35:46.040 --> 00:35:52.800 Something so different about him. It was different for me. And that's why I was a little bit and because it was new and 485 00:35:53.600 --> 00:35:55.200 so 486 00:35:55.200 --> 00:35:57.200 the attraction grew 487 00:35:57.200 --> 00:36:02.480 And it didn't grow right out the gate. It took a little bit of time 488 00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:06.080 Okay, and I had I've had it even 489 00:36:06.640 --> 00:36:13.680 scaled back my talking about that in front of my husband because I've noticed that's like hurt his feelings at times because he was 490 00:36:13.680 --> 00:36:15.680 really insecure and 491 00:36:15.680 --> 00:36:21.760 At times he's like I just thought you were drop-dead gorgeous in that like I don't know why you would choose me 492 00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:26.400 And so I'm like, oh my gosh, like I probably shouldn't share share that right out the gate 493 00:36:26.920 --> 00:36:33.360 and I didn't like really like early early on but you know, I it it goes both ways and 494 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:36.320 in relationships, so 495 00:36:38.240 --> 00:36:41.120 I want you ladies to be asking yourself. I 496 00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:47.840 Don't want you to ask. I don't don't ask yourself. Well, how do I feel about everything right now in this very very moment? 497 00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:50.000 Is it a yes or it's a no, okay 498 00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:53.040 We always say it's a yes until it's a no 499 00:36:53.600 --> 00:36:55.520 so 500 00:36:55.520 --> 00:37:00.160 Go into that war with curiosity and less about needing to know. Is it yes, or is it no? 501 00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:08.320 That question is supposed to prompt curiosity not definite. Okay, so instead ask yourself 502 00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:11.280 Is there enough? 503 00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:13.920 curiosity 504 00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:19.040 And attraction of things I do like to continue to learn more about this person 505 00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:25.680 Do you want to continue to get to know them do you enjoy being around them? 506 00:37:27.200 --> 00:37:29.200 Are your boundaries being honored? 507 00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:32.800 What's going on inside you? Are you? 508 00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:39.280 Responding in a healthy way around this person or are is being around this person kind of 509 00:37:39.600 --> 00:37:45.840 Patterns that are making you a little bit like oh gosh. Oh gosh. Oh gosh. I had a date like that once 510 00:37:46.720 --> 00:37:48.720 this guy was 511 00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:51.280 One he dropped a lot of um 512 00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:54.800 He dropped a lot of f-bombs 513 00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:57.840 You know and i'm not one of those i'm not one of the I mean 514 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:00.800 I'm not one of those people where 515 00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:04.640 People's bad mouths don't offend me. I'm not one of those people 516 00:38:05.600 --> 00:38:09.520 I'm not one of those people where people's bad mouths don't offend me 517 00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:13.680 Like i'm just like whatever, you know, um 518 00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:18.640 I don't necessarily want to be around it all the time. I can tell you that much 519 00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:21.040 you know, but 520 00:38:21.040 --> 00:38:26.720 That is not gonna be like oh, that's an absolute no for me like but for some people it is and that's that's fine 521 00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:28.640 um 522 00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:31.840 but he was dropping it a lot for me to be like 523 00:38:32.800 --> 00:38:39.120 It to notice it because I won't really notice it often like if someone just slips up I won't really notice it 524 00:38:39.680 --> 00:38:41.680 But this guy I noticed it 525 00:38:42.160 --> 00:38:44.160 and i'm like jeez, like 526 00:38:44.560 --> 00:38:46.400 i'm sitting there looking at like 527 00:38:46.400 --> 00:38:48.400 the table next to me like 528 00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:53.520 Are they offended by how many f-drums? I have bobsies dropping like whoa 529 00:38:54.240 --> 00:38:57.760 um, and I you know, we asked a lot of questions about you know 530 00:38:58.560 --> 00:39:02.240 How long he lived in because I was living in sarasota he was in st 531 00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:05.600 Pete and I said, okay. How long have you been here? Like what you know? 532 00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:10.240 What what do you you and some of your friends do like do you know? 533 00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:13.920 He didn't have any of that. He lived he had lived with all these girlfriends 534 00:39:14.080 --> 00:39:18.320 he literally went from living with one girlfriend to another to another and that was another thing that I was like 535 00:39:20.080 --> 00:39:24.160 He sounds like a habitual like i'm just gonna move in with my girlfriend and i'm like i'm not moving in 536 00:39:24.720 --> 00:39:26.720 Like if I become a girlfriend i'm not moving in 537 00:39:27.520 --> 00:39:29.520 And um 538 00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:31.600 We went to a concert and 539 00:39:32.160 --> 00:39:37.040 It was crowded and he would like touch and get close to me because it was a lot of crowd 540 00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:39.860 And I could feel myself get activated 541 00:39:41.200 --> 00:39:43.200 of like oh 542 00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:45.760 This feels 543 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:47.760 Like i'm being seen 544 00:39:48.560 --> 00:39:53.680 It feels like i'm being accepted. It feels like someone is paying attention to me 545 00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:56.080 And I like it 546 00:39:56.160 --> 00:39:58.160 I mean the guy was very attractive 547 00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:00.480 He was a very good looking man 548 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.960 And I was like, uh-oh, this isn't good, this is bringing out that part of Carla that wants 549 00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:14.880 the, like, oh, this is nice, okay, you want to grab my hand and like, okay, like, that's 550 00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:19.720 where, and I'm like, I'm getting that feminine, like, okay. 551 00:40:19.720 --> 00:40:27.720 And y'all, I came home from that date and I jumped into this community and I shared 552 00:40:27.720 --> 00:40:32.960 it with my sisters, I'm like, y'all, I noticed something about myself. 553 00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:44.680 I could tell how the old me would have been way okay kissing that man on a first date. 554 00:40:44.680 --> 00:40:52.940 I was physically attracted to that man, I was feeling seen, I was feeling special. 555 00:40:52.940 --> 00:41:01.760 But I'm like, ladies, he's dropping F-bombs and he lives with these girlfriends, and my 556 00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:09.100 response is like, well, maybe I should give it a try, no, that's a no, like, because now 557 00:41:09.100 --> 00:41:13.540 I'm sitting there, now I'm having to activate and see, okay, but how am I responding, am 558 00:41:13.540 --> 00:41:15.940 I responding healthy? 559 00:41:15.940 --> 00:41:24.060 So now, instead of looking at the man and trying to pick him apart, I'm reflecting inward 560 00:41:24.060 --> 00:41:35.780 and being like, am I making a good choice, am I acting out of a healed heart or an unhealed 561 00:41:35.780 --> 00:41:41.500 fearful heart, which one am I responding to? 562 00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:47.580 And I had this community and I had my sisters here, and so it was my way of holding myself 563 00:41:47.580 --> 00:41:50.540 accountable. 564 00:41:50.540 --> 00:41:53.100 And guess what? 565 00:41:53.100 --> 00:41:57.460 I think I messaged him like, hey, thanks for the date, I got home safely, because I ended 566 00:41:57.460 --> 00:42:05.700 up driving up to St. Pete because that's where the concert was, and I just thanked him. 567 00:42:05.700 --> 00:42:10.420 He never asked me out again, I didn't tell him I wanted to go out again, he didn't ask 568 00:42:10.420 --> 00:42:16.540 me if I wanted to go out again, I didn't overthink, what if he asked me out again, 569 00:42:16.540 --> 00:42:18.340 what am I going to do? 570 00:42:18.340 --> 00:42:25.580 I was just like, well, I'll be polite and say, hey, thanks for the date, I got home 571 00:42:25.580 --> 00:42:29.260 safe, appreciate it, and then guess what, I'm going to leave it to him, I'm going to 572 00:42:29.260 --> 00:42:34.100 leave it to him to reach out to me and see where, because I'm not sure, because I'm like, 573 00:42:34.100 --> 00:42:39.260 if I trust myself and he reaches out, or I tell him that I want to go on another date, 574 00:42:39.300 --> 00:42:43.300 I'm like, I might be setting myself up for something I don't want to. 575 00:42:43.300 --> 00:42:49.100 And guess what, ladies, I didn't have to worry about having to let him down, or freak myself 576 00:42:49.100 --> 00:42:54.420 out if I was capable of doing it, because guess what, God just never had that guy come 577 00:42:54.420 --> 00:42:57.780 back around. 578 00:42:57.780 --> 00:43:00.300 And I was like, man, I dodged a bullet. 579 00:43:00.300 --> 00:43:04.500 I didn't have to sit there and think, what was wrong with me, why isn't he asking me, 580 00:43:05.060 --> 00:43:13.620 I was just like, Lord, whatever that was, I saw how I was acting, I checked myself, 581 00:43:13.620 --> 00:43:20.300 and I trust that that's all you needed me to see, and I'm done with that. 582 00:43:20.300 --> 00:43:24.900 So make that door stay closed. 583 00:43:24.900 --> 00:43:33.260 Okay, so that's, I hope that helps with some of that attraction stuff, for some reason 584 00:43:33.300 --> 00:43:35.700 I'm not seeing all these things in the chat. 585 00:43:35.700 --> 00:43:38.220 Okay, moving forward. 586 00:43:38.220 --> 00:43:44.180 Another question is that spiritual leadership being revealed through patterns. 587 00:43:44.180 --> 00:43:48.820 Okay, this is a big one. 588 00:43:48.820 --> 00:43:56.020 Because obviously, ladies, you want a believer, you want a man who loves God, like, I'm not 589 00:43:56.020 --> 00:44:03.820 telling you, go get into a relationship with someone that is not, whose heart is not going 590 00:44:03.820 --> 00:44:04.820 for the Lord. 591 00:44:04.820 --> 00:44:07.860 Okay, that is not what I'm saying. 592 00:44:07.860 --> 00:44:16.900 What I'm saying is, you're not going to rush, whether or not and be able to determine if 593 00:44:16.900 --> 00:44:24.820 that man is going to be able to spiritually lead by just a couple moments, by just a couple 594 00:44:24.820 --> 00:44:27.700 dates. 595 00:44:27.700 --> 00:44:32.340 You need to see patterns, not moments. 596 00:44:32.340 --> 00:44:38.220 So a lot of times, like, this is maybe not what you're going to want to hear, ladies. 597 00:44:38.220 --> 00:44:47.820 You may not find out about his ability to spiritually lead until you're in exclusivity, 598 00:44:47.820 --> 00:44:52.620 because you've been dating for several months, then the exclusivity happens. 599 00:44:52.620 --> 00:44:58.460 And then in the exclusivity, the patterns might start really, truly revealing themselves. 600 00:44:58.460 --> 00:44:59.460 And guess what? 601 00:44:59.460 --> 00:44:59.980 You may have. 602 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.240 to break up with someone after exclusivity. 603 00:45:04.240 --> 00:45:07.040 We have a lot of people in those type of relationships 604 00:45:07.040 --> 00:45:07.880 that happens. 605 00:45:07.880 --> 00:45:10.920 Believe it or not, we have, we call it SIMBAS. 606 00:45:10.920 --> 00:45:12.200 It's actual thing, it's called 607 00:45:12.200 --> 00:45:13.560 Save Your Marriage Before It Starts. 608 00:45:13.560 --> 00:45:16.280 We have a lot of couples that go in, 609 00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:17.840 they're in exclusive relationships, 610 00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:21.360 they're thinking and talking about engagement. 611 00:45:21.360 --> 00:45:23.700 They go into that course. 612 00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:27.080 I know Bethany and Brian teach that. 613 00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:29.940 And they realize they are not compatible. 614 00:45:29.940 --> 00:45:31.440 They are not in alignment. 615 00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:34.040 And they break things off. 616 00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:36.640 And I mean, they've been exclusive for a hot minute. 617 00:45:39.600 --> 00:45:41.440 And I don't say that to scare you, 618 00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:45.560 I'm saying that for the reality of this needing to know 619 00:45:45.560 --> 00:45:47.440 whether or not a man is going to spiritually 620 00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:48.760 lead right out the gate. 621 00:45:48.760 --> 00:45:51.160 Sometimes you're not gonna see that. 622 00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:55.680 What you want to look for, 623 00:45:55.680 --> 00:45:59.520 what can help you look for that in the early stages, 624 00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:03.400 the patterns you're looking for, is he teachable? 625 00:46:05.960 --> 00:46:08.560 Is he teachable? 626 00:46:10.360 --> 00:46:15.360 Is his heart open to being transformed? 627 00:46:19.320 --> 00:46:22.240 Is he hard or is he like bendable? 628 00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:27.960 Does he pursue God consistently? 629 00:46:29.600 --> 00:46:31.040 That doesn't mean necessarily 630 00:46:31.040 --> 00:46:33.040 he's going to church every week, ladies. 631 00:46:33.920 --> 00:46:35.400 And just because somebody goes to church every week 632 00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:37.520 does not mean they have a relationship with God. 633 00:46:38.680 --> 00:46:41.040 There's a lot of lukewarm Christians out there. 634 00:46:43.800 --> 00:46:45.920 There's a lot like, 635 00:46:45.920 --> 00:46:47.800 yeah, I just actually listened to this teaching 636 00:46:47.800 --> 00:46:50.800 and it, whoo, God showed it to me. 637 00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:55.800 He's like, Jesus had 12 disciples. 638 00:46:58.680 --> 00:47:03.680 12 close, close disciples were with him every single day. 639 00:47:07.040 --> 00:47:08.960 Yet one of them didn't believe in him. 640 00:47:12.800 --> 00:47:13.640 Betrayed him. 641 00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:17.560 Didn't believe he was Lord. 642 00:47:18.560 --> 00:47:21.560 And he was with him every single day. 643 00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:30.440 Judas was with Jesus every single day. 644 00:47:30.440 --> 00:47:32.640 So just because they go to church every single week 645 00:47:32.640 --> 00:47:35.600 does not necessarily mean they're following the Lord. 646 00:47:37.560 --> 00:47:41.160 They could just be behind him 647 00:47:41.160 --> 00:47:44.520 and just kind of watching him from a distance here, 648 00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:46.640 kind of just following along with him. 649 00:47:48.560 --> 00:47:49.480 Staying with him every day, 650 00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:51.280 just to kind of see what he's doing. 651 00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:53.880 But guess what? 652 00:47:55.080 --> 00:47:59.480 When it's not, when it wasn't paying off for Judas, 653 00:48:01.960 --> 00:48:05.360 he went to go get something from it. 654 00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:06.400 And he betrayed him. 655 00:48:09.720 --> 00:48:12.480 And then like, so we know the story, right? 656 00:48:13.480 --> 00:48:15.200 I mean, we could go on and on for that. 657 00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:16.880 So I'm just, and again, 658 00:48:17.600 --> 00:48:20.560 I don't share these things to freak anybody out, 659 00:48:20.560 --> 00:48:24.000 but just more so like, you're not gonna know right away. 660 00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:26.240 You're gonna need to see how they show up over time. 661 00:48:26.240 --> 00:48:29.680 So God is gonna reveal to you 662 00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:32.040 and show you how someone's gonna pursue him. 663 00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:34.200 You gotta ask the Lord, 664 00:48:34.200 --> 00:48:36.160 just show me ways that he pursues you. 665 00:48:37.680 --> 00:48:40.320 Is this man taking responsibility for things? 666 00:48:43.600 --> 00:48:45.120 Does he take responsibility? 667 00:48:45.120 --> 00:48:45.960 Does he have kids? 668 00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:47.440 Does he take responsibility for his kids? 669 00:48:47.440 --> 00:48:50.160 Does he take responsibility for his job? 670 00:48:50.160 --> 00:48:53.120 Does he take responsibility for friends and family 671 00:48:53.120 --> 00:48:54.040 that are nearby? 672 00:48:54.040 --> 00:48:56.480 Does it, you know, does he have a home? 673 00:48:56.480 --> 00:48:58.040 Does he take responsibility for that? 674 00:48:58.040 --> 00:49:00.800 Like, what is he responsible for? 675 00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:04.560 Is there evidence of fruit? 676 00:49:05.760 --> 00:49:07.880 You'll hear Jackie say, let's be fruit inspectors, 677 00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:09.640 not gift inspectors. 678 00:49:09.640 --> 00:49:12.520 Just cause someone's sitting there speaking in tongues 679 00:49:12.520 --> 00:49:14.880 doesn't mean they have the fruit of the spirit. 680 00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:19.960 And how does he handle adversary? 681 00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:24.960 Ladies, a lot of you in those first couple of dates, 682 00:49:26.240 --> 00:49:27.360 in those first stages, 683 00:49:27.360 --> 00:49:31.600 you're not gonna see them in tough moments. 684 00:49:33.200 --> 00:49:35.160 You don't, I mean, let's be real. 685 00:49:35.160 --> 00:49:37.480 How often do we like show our chefs, 686 00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:40.760 like our moments with someone that we're dating 687 00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:42.560 until we're like a few months in? 688 00:49:42.920 --> 00:49:44.440 You need to see how they're going to handle 689 00:49:44.440 --> 00:49:46.440 like a tough situation. 690 00:49:46.440 --> 00:49:49.600 God was really, really good to me 691 00:49:49.600 --> 00:49:51.080 when I was dating my husband. 692 00:49:52.160 --> 00:49:57.160 Because I just wanted to be friends with him 693 00:49:57.800 --> 00:49:58.600 on one day. 694 00:49:58.600 --> 00:49:59.680 Cause I thought 695 00:49:59.680 --> 00:50:03.240 without him, we don't understand one another. 696 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.400 I had to see my husband handle a situation 697 00:50:03.240 --> 00:50:07.440 I just wanted to be friends with my husband. 698 00:50:03.400 --> 00:50:05.600 that I would have freaked out about. 699 00:50:07.100 --> 00:50:10.840 And I was very impressed about how he didn't respond 700 00:50:07.440 --> 00:50:10.280 So I'm like, Oh, maybe I should tell you 701 00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:12.800 the way that I would have responded. 702 00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:14.240 He got his car towed. 703 00:50:14.240 --> 00:50:19.240 Now, he lived in Texas and I was in Florida. 704 00:50:20.600 --> 00:50:23.400 And so, he had a rental car. 705 00:50:24.560 --> 00:50:28.280 And so, he was stuck and had gotten towed. 706 00:50:28.280 --> 00:50:29.760 And I'm sitting here thinking, 707 00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:31.200 well, you can't stay here. 708 00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:35.800 Sorry. 709 00:50:36.600 --> 00:50:39.720 And he didn't freak out. 710 00:50:39.720 --> 00:50:41.840 He just handled it. 711 00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:44.520 He took care of what he needed to take care of. 712 00:50:44.520 --> 00:50:47.800 It didn't faze him whatsoever. 713 00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:52.240 And I'm like, I would have been a hot mess. 714 00:50:52.240 --> 00:50:55.080 I would have had probably a full-blown panic attack. 715 00:50:55.080 --> 00:50:56.000 I'm not from here. 716 00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:57.600 That was a rental car. 717 00:50:57.600 --> 00:50:58.440 It's towed. 718 00:50:58.440 --> 00:51:00.760 What am I supposed to do? 719 00:51:00.760 --> 00:51:04.080 I would have lost my mind, right? 720 00:51:04.080 --> 00:51:07.000 And so, seeing my husband, 721 00:51:07.000 --> 00:51:08.000 at the time, he wasn't my husband, 722 00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:12.600 but seeing him in that moment of a tough situation 723 00:51:12.600 --> 00:51:15.120 and how he handled and composed himself, 724 00:51:16.320 --> 00:51:19.320 I was like, dang, that's attractive. 725 00:51:20.360 --> 00:51:23.480 I mean, I was like, you're not staying with me, 726 00:51:23.480 --> 00:51:26.520 but if I wasn't a believer, 727 00:51:26.520 --> 00:51:28.800 I probably would have invited you into my house. 728 00:51:28.800 --> 00:51:33.800 Like, that wasn't gonna happen, but yes. 729 00:51:34.880 --> 00:51:39.200 That was very, like, I could see such fruit in him. 730 00:51:40.680 --> 00:51:45.680 He handled himself with so much masculinity and maturity 731 00:51:47.560 --> 00:51:50.080 that I was like, well, that's what I wanna see. 732 00:51:51.720 --> 00:51:54.160 So, those are the things that you're looking at. 733 00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:56.960 When we're sitting here thinking, 734 00:51:56.960 --> 00:51:59.440 well, I don't know if this man's gonna spiritually lead me, 735 00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:01.760 well, we're not gonna necessarily know that 736 00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:04.960 right out the gate because we're in level two. 737 00:52:04.960 --> 00:52:08.400 Like, that's a big order 738 00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:11.440 because when we're asking for a man to be a spiritual leader, 739 00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:13.240 that's a husband level. 740 00:52:14.520 --> 00:52:16.520 And if we're in level two, 741 00:52:17.440 --> 00:52:19.800 like, we just don't know what that looks like quite yet 742 00:52:19.800 --> 00:52:21.720 because we need to see what their patterns are. 743 00:52:21.720 --> 00:52:25.440 We need to see how do they handle themselves 744 00:52:25.440 --> 00:52:28.560 in other situations, not just situations with me. 745 00:52:28.560 --> 00:52:31.120 I need to see how they're handling situations 746 00:52:31.120 --> 00:52:32.200 with other people. 747 00:52:33.680 --> 00:52:36.480 And so, the last thing I wanna get into, 748 00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:38.640 and this is kind of what God was really, really showing me, 749 00:52:38.640 --> 00:52:42.720 and you might've seen my post in our community, 750 00:52:42.720 --> 00:52:44.800 and I'm gonna add a little bit to that 751 00:52:44.800 --> 00:52:47.480 because it had some things to do 752 00:52:47.480 --> 00:52:48.680 with what I thought was dating, 753 00:52:48.680 --> 00:52:52.000 but there's other things that I had processed through 754 00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:53.160 when I had posted that, 755 00:52:54.160 --> 00:52:57.920 is this, you know, 756 00:52:57.920 --> 00:53:02.080 what is God asking you to trust in this process? 757 00:53:04.720 --> 00:53:06.320 You know, God isn't withholding. 758 00:53:08.160 --> 00:53:10.360 He's inviting us to trust Him deeper 759 00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:15.920 because even if we had the answer, 760 00:53:18.680 --> 00:53:20.040 would you still seek Him? 761 00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:25.560 Would you still seek the Lord if He gave you the answer? 762 00:53:25.560 --> 00:53:29.080 Because would it look like the answer that you'd want? 763 00:53:29.080 --> 00:53:31.720 Or would it look like an answer that looked too hard? 764 00:53:39.080 --> 00:53:43.920 Trusting God's timing is not always an easy thing. 765 00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:47.280 And like what I shared, ladies, 766 00:53:47.280 --> 00:53:50.520 is, you know, it was about like nothing being wasted, right? 767 00:53:51.680 --> 00:53:53.680 I have it pinned to the app. 768 00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:59.920 It really is, you know, 769 00:53:59.920 --> 00:54:01.720 not needing to know about where it's going. 770 00:54:01.720 --> 00:54:04.800 It's just be like, God, what are you revealing? 771 00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:08.960 And being okay that you can still have peace 772 00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:10.680 without having the answers. 773 00:54:11.680 --> 00:54:16.160 And so having the answers would be that certainty piece. 774 00:54:16.160 --> 00:54:21.160 And so I want to really encourage you ladies 775 00:54:21.240 --> 00:54:26.240 to begin to release the need for that knowing. 776 00:54:27.560 --> 00:54:29.400 And so this is something that, you know, 777 00:54:29.400 --> 00:54:34.400 when I was praying, this is what God was speaking to me 778 00:54:35.080 --> 00:54:39.000 and what I shared with my whole community, 779 00:54:39.480 --> 00:54:43.120 like on my own social media page, 780 00:54:43.120 --> 00:54:44.720 was that for the last couple of months, 781 00:54:44.720 --> 00:54:47.440 God's just really been bringing me back 782 00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:48.960 to this word release. 783 00:54:48.960 --> 00:54:51.680 Like He spoke this word over me 784 00:54:51.680 --> 00:54:53.200 in the middle of the night one night 785 00:54:53.200 --> 00:54:57.240 when I was just, I was struggling spiritually. 786 00:54:57.240 --> 00:54:58.360 Like I couldn't sleep. 787 00:54:58.360 --> 00:54:59.760 I was tossing and turning. 788 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.740 felt like I had a lot of anxiety, 789 00:55:01.740 --> 00:55:04.160 like I just felt all this pressure. 790 00:55:04.160 --> 00:55:08.720 And I could just hear God say, release, release. 791 00:55:08.720 --> 00:55:10.160 And I'm like, but what am I releasing? 792 00:55:10.160 --> 00:55:13.160 Like, I don't know how to just release this, right? 793 00:55:13.160 --> 00:55:15.560 And it's like, he's like, 794 00:55:15.560 --> 00:55:19.240 well, you need to release the need to know. 795 00:55:19.240 --> 00:55:20.980 You need to release the need for control 796 00:55:20.980 --> 00:55:24.260 and you need to release certainty. 797 00:55:25.260 --> 00:55:30.020 And, you know, I would love to say that I got that word 798 00:55:30.020 --> 00:55:33.500 and I immediately felt so much peace, but I didn't. 799 00:55:33.500 --> 00:55:35.020 I knew God was speaking to me, 800 00:55:35.020 --> 00:55:37.020 but I didn't know what that looked like. 801 00:55:39.320 --> 00:55:41.260 And over time, over these last couple of months, 802 00:55:41.260 --> 00:55:43.700 what he's been revealing is that 803 00:55:43.700 --> 00:55:46.540 peace doesn't come after we get the answer. 804 00:55:47.900 --> 00:55:49.900 It doesn't come with knowing everything. 805 00:55:49.900 --> 00:55:54.900 It doesn't, like we were never meant 806 00:55:55.020 --> 00:55:57.420 to carry all the knowledge. 807 00:55:58.420 --> 00:56:01.700 And he reminded me of the garden. 808 00:56:04.100 --> 00:56:07.220 It's like Adam and Eve were never supposed to 809 00:56:07.220 --> 00:56:09.240 eat from the tree of knowledge. 810 00:56:09.240 --> 00:56:10.760 That wasn't for them. 811 00:56:12.680 --> 00:56:16.620 And so he's like, you were never meant 812 00:56:16.620 --> 00:56:19.360 to carry all of the knowledge 813 00:56:19.360 --> 00:56:21.360 because it belongs to me. 814 00:56:22.760 --> 00:56:24.640 All that knowledge belongs to God. 815 00:56:24.640 --> 00:56:27.240 And so it's the peace it's finding is 816 00:56:27.240 --> 00:56:30.140 trusting the one who does have all the answers. 817 00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:34.060 That he's not always withholding us from it. 818 00:56:35.400 --> 00:56:38.640 He's actually inviting us into something so deeper 819 00:56:38.640 --> 00:56:40.160 and more intimate with him 820 00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:41.960 and it's putting him in the center. 821 00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:47.800 And when we focus on the answers, 822 00:56:47.800 --> 00:56:49.760 we actually miss out on the adventure 823 00:56:49.760 --> 00:56:51.480 that we get to go on with him. 824 00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:54.520 We don't get to step, if we already knew, 825 00:56:54.520 --> 00:56:56.000 we don't get to step in that day 826 00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:57.200 not knowing what's gonna happen 827 00:56:57.200 --> 00:56:59.240 and get to go on that adventure with him. 828 00:57:00.440 --> 00:57:02.160 We don't know what that looks like. 829 00:57:03.400 --> 00:57:05.840 But what if God's like, you know what? 830 00:57:07.520 --> 00:57:11.600 I'm gonna give you the answers when you need to know them 831 00:57:11.600 --> 00:57:14.760 because then that's when you're gonna know it's from me. 832 00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:17.600 So if you have the peace 833 00:57:18.720 --> 00:57:21.120 that you don't need to know right out the gate 834 00:57:22.080 --> 00:57:24.120 and there's just enough for you to stay, 835 00:57:24.120 --> 00:57:26.040 like I'm giving you like, hey, 836 00:57:26.040 --> 00:57:28.440 there's enough curiosity in this situation 837 00:57:28.440 --> 00:57:31.960 and with this date to continue. 838 00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:36.760 And he might reveal to you what he's revealing to you 839 00:57:36.760 --> 00:57:39.560 and what you're responding to could be fear. 840 00:57:39.560 --> 00:57:41.840 And he might be inviting you into that space with him. 841 00:57:41.880 --> 00:57:45.120 Carla, come to me with your fear. 842 00:57:45.120 --> 00:57:47.440 Let's walk through this. 843 00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:49.320 I'm not gonna remove the fear from you right now 844 00:57:49.320 --> 00:57:52.120 by telling you the answer that you think you wanna know. 845 00:57:53.280 --> 00:57:57.200 I'm gonna get to the root of that fear, Carla, 846 00:57:57.200 --> 00:57:59.080 and I'm gonna start healing that. 847 00:58:00.520 --> 00:58:02.280 Right now, you just need to stay curious 848 00:58:02.280 --> 00:58:04.000 and you need to stay open. 849 00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.800 And when it's time, I will let you know 850 00:58:06.800 --> 00:58:08.640 that I'm gonna be there for you. 851 00:58:09.040 --> 00:58:11.560 And when it's time, I will let you know 852 00:58:12.640 --> 00:58:15.600 what you need to know when you need to know it. 853 00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:21.440 It's about seeking his kingdom first. 854 00:58:26.440 --> 00:58:28.160 Trusting before understanding. 855 00:58:31.240 --> 00:58:34.040 Resting before you have the certainty. 856 00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:41.240 So a lot of these questions, ladies, 857 00:58:41.240 --> 00:58:43.440 I know we want the answers. 858 00:58:43.440 --> 00:58:46.680 We want the, you know, Carla, Ebony, 859 00:58:46.680 --> 00:58:47.960 tell me what I need to do. 860 00:58:47.960 --> 00:58:48.800 Like, what's this? 861 00:58:48.800 --> 00:58:49.880 What's it look like this? 862 00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.000 I would love to be able to say, 863 00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:55.640 oh, like Karen, Cynthia, 864 00:58:55.640 --> 00:58:58.000 like I have all the answers for you. 865 00:58:58.000 --> 00:59:00.240 God's giving me the answers to give to you. 866 00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:02.840 Then I would turn around and be like, 867 00:59:02.840 --> 00:59:05.360 does God have answers to my questions? 868 00:59:05.360 --> 00:59:06.600 Will you give those to me? 869 00:59:06.600 --> 00:59:08.240 It doesn't work that way, though. 870 00:59:09.600 --> 00:59:10.440 It doesn't. 871 00:59:10.440 --> 00:59:14.200 It really is about sitting in a peace 872 00:59:14.200 --> 00:59:17.600 without having the understanding. 873 00:59:20.200 --> 00:59:22.800 He's not keeping anything from you. 874 00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:26.200 He's inviting you to trust him more. 875 00:59:28.600 --> 00:59:29.600 We want the details. 876 00:59:29.600 --> 00:59:30.600 We want the timeline. 877 00:59:30.600 --> 00:59:32.200 We want the why. 878 00:59:32.200 --> 00:59:34.600 Because we think if we trust him, 879 00:59:34.600 --> 00:59:35.600 why? 880 00:59:35.600 --> 00:59:37.920 Because we think if we have it, we're gonna rest. 881 00:59:37.920 --> 00:59:41.760 But honestly, how often have we ever really gotten rest 882 00:59:41.760 --> 00:59:44.200 and peace from knowing the answers? 883 00:59:44.200 --> 00:59:45.040 I don't know about you all, 884 00:59:45.040 --> 00:59:47.560 but typically I just get more questions. 885 00:59:49.760 --> 00:59:54.760 Or project more things onto something. 886 00:59:56.680 --> 00:59:58.640 Because I'm now like, well, does it mean this? 887 00:59:58.640 --> 00:59:59.680 Does it mean that? 888 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:10.120 what if we stopped and we sought God and said okay maybe it's not about needing 889 01:00:10.120 --> 01:00:14.440 to know where the person is that I'm dating and know more about them but God 890 01:00:14.440 --> 01:00:17.200 what are you revealing about me what are you trying to show me what are you 891 01:00:17.200 --> 01:00:21.680 trying to teach me what are you trying to show me am I holding on to something 892 01:00:21.680 --> 01:00:29.440 that you're asking me to release is there a fear that this is rooted in that 893 01:00:29.440 --> 01:00:33.880 you're highlighting to me that I need to let go of 894 01:00:35.200 --> 01:00:42.720 so I would love love love to have all those answers for you ladies and we can 895 01:00:42.720 --> 01:00:49.120 give you like the wisdom we can give you you know we can give you some sound 896 01:00:49.120 --> 01:00:59.760 advice and there are times we do and women in our community absorb that 897 01:00:59.760 --> 01:01:05.160 wisdom and they're they're partnering with the Lord in that and guess what 898 01:01:05.160 --> 01:01:15.280 they they get breakthrough like it happens I did that I also did the times 899 01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:19.600 when I asked for wisdom and I asked for you know answers and I'd get something 900 01:01:19.600 --> 01:01:27.160 and guess what I'd get the wisdom and it wasn't the answer that I wanted and I 901 01:01:27.160 --> 01:01:31.800 didn't listen I wouldn't always listening to Jackie 902 01:01:31.800 --> 01:01:40.520 believe it or not and I still did it my way and I kind of had to go through some 903 01:01:40.520 --> 01:01:44.680 cycles and I had to kind of do some of the things that like repeatedly kept 904 01:01:44.680 --> 01:01:51.040 showing me a pattern that was in me and I was like oh so there are times that 905 01:01:51.040 --> 01:01:53.720 we're gonna give you the wisdom and we're gonna give you the answers and you 906 01:01:53.720 --> 01:01:58.240 know ladies we will see that sometimes you won't want to hear it and that's 907 01:01:58.240 --> 01:02:03.440 okay you're on your own you're on your journey with the Lord the Lord's got you 908 01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:09.240 the Lord had to do that with me like he took me through it because I'm very 909 01:02:09.240 --> 01:02:15.440 stubborn believe it or not and I would love to give you the answers that you 910 01:02:15.440 --> 01:02:20.480 want to hear and sometimes I do sometimes we're gonna give you the 911 01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:26.040 answers that you need to hear because that's what God is trying to reveal to 912 01:02:26.040 --> 01:02:34.320 you and God is gonna give you the grace we're gonna give you the grace and we do 913 01:02:34.320 --> 01:02:37.680 that because we've been there 914 01:02:41.000 --> 01:02:44.640 got lots of hands up I want to make sure that we have time for those there we've 915 01:02:44.640 --> 01:02:50.560 got five of them so it's gonna be good today I know this was probably heavy 916 01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:56.320 like I said I I thought I had something prepared and God kind of gave me 917 01:02:56.320 --> 01:02:58.960 something last minute he's like no this is what you're gonna do and I'm like 918 01:02:58.960 --> 01:03:03.760 whoa okay we're just gonna pull some things that I have and we're gonna go 919 01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:10.560 with it so let's start okay Laura I'm gonna start with you okay I got six 920 01:03:10.560 --> 01:03:15.040 hands now so we got to be quick six hands the Laura I know some of your 921 01:03:15.040 --> 01:03:19.120 stuff so don't don't fill me in with all of the details but let's get straight 922 01:03:19.120 --> 01:03:26.320 to the question and we'll go from there okay um yeah I don't know if you saw the 923 01:03:26.320 --> 01:03:30.840 post that I did last night or whatever in the app I did yeah okay yeah cuz I 924 01:03:30.840 --> 01:03:35.040 haven't had a chance to look and see but um yeah so it's mainly about that um I 925 01:03:35.040 --> 01:03:40.200 haven't had a chance to have a conversation with him about okay either 926 01:03:40.200 --> 01:03:45.840 of those two issues or whatever it's like literally like I had a crazy 927 01:03:45.840 --> 01:03:50.720 Wednesday and then I went out on Thursday and yeah I was really busy I 928 01:03:50.720 --> 01:03:55.840 was at a conference just to fill the ladies in is and kind of do this as 929 01:03:55.840 --> 01:03:59.840 quickly so we can get through more people you were gonna like Abby you got 930 01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:03.920 coaching from Ebony to kind of talk to him about communication right you wanted 931 01:04:03.920 --> 01:04:07.320 to see a little bit more communication but you did not have that conversation 932 01:04:07.320 --> 01:04:13.240 with him instead some other things kind of came up that made you like he shared 933 01:04:13.240 --> 01:04:18.760 with you about how he was probably should have been at church but instead 934 01:04:18.760 --> 01:04:27.520 he was doing something for like a work project is that correct yes yes and so 935 01:04:27.520 --> 01:04:34.000 did you said you haven't seen Ebony's response to that have you no I have not 936 01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:38.320 so Ebony's response and then after I read it my response was gonna be very 937 01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:46.880 similar was what what are what exact I mean we need more detail about what 938 01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:51.680 exactly makes makes you believe that he's not going to be a spiritual leader 939 01:04:51.680 --> 01:04:56.960 was it just because he just said that he wasn't going to church when he should 940 01:04:56.960 --> 01:05:01.640 have been and he was doing something for his job 941 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.760 Yeah, it was primarily that. 942 01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:05.760 It was that? 943 01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:08.760 I didn't hear you, I'm sorry. 944 01:05:08.760 --> 01:05:11.760 Yeah, it was primarily that, yeah. 945 01:05:11.760 --> 01:05:12.760 Okay. 946 01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:18.080 So yeah, this is where I'm going to have you slow down, okay? 947 01:05:18.080 --> 01:05:22.440 This is that part, like that was just one moment. 948 01:05:22.440 --> 01:05:27.580 That was not what you're seeing consistently from him. 949 01:05:27.580 --> 01:05:33.540 And so that's where, I don't know if you, when you jumped on, but I talked about looking 950 01:05:33.540 --> 01:05:41.540 for patterns to see if men are teachable, if they are consistent with pursuing the Lord, 951 01:05:41.540 --> 01:05:48.860 if they are being responsible in their life, if there's fruit, how do they handle tough 952 01:05:48.860 --> 01:05:50.660 situations? 953 01:05:50.660 --> 01:05:59.380 Those are going to be better indicators to see how they can lead a wife and a home. 954 01:05:59.380 --> 01:06:01.380 Does that make sense? 955 01:06:01.380 --> 01:06:03.620 Yes, yeah. 956 01:06:03.620 --> 01:06:13.260 So I want you to sit with that, I really want you to, and I can go in and we can respond 957 01:06:13.260 --> 01:06:18.160 a little bit more in depth now that we know that piece, that that's where that was coming 958 01:06:18.160 --> 01:06:27.200 from was the, you know, just that comment that he made about not being at church. 959 01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:39.240 But I'm going to, I'm going to encourage you to kind of sit with some of these fears that 960 01:06:39.240 --> 01:06:48.880 are surfacing because that's what I'm noticing is when it was about the communication and 961 01:06:48.880 --> 01:06:53.440 now it's the church and him like not leading spiritually. 962 01:06:53.440 --> 01:07:04.960 So what, what fears are coming up in you and what are some of the patterns that you're 963 01:07:04.960 --> 01:07:12.240 seeing in yourself that you think God is trying to highlight? 964 01:07:12.240 --> 01:07:14.240 Okay. 965 01:07:14.240 --> 01:07:21.840 That's not the answer you want to hear, is it? 966 01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:29.240 Well I knew like after I like did the post that I was probably like, yeah, like the response 967 01:07:29.240 --> 01:07:33.440 that like I was probably going to get was like to be more curious because I don't really 968 01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:37.960 know exactly like what his church attendance looks like. 969 01:07:37.960 --> 01:07:43.040 So yeah, to maybe just be curious about that or whatever. 970 01:07:43.040 --> 01:07:44.040 Yeah. 971 01:07:44.040 --> 01:07:52.440 What's, but there's, I feel something is, there's something stuck. 972 01:07:52.440 --> 01:07:53.440 There's something. 973 01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:58.000 Well yeah, I think it kind of stems now that you're talking about that from my relationship 974 01:07:58.000 --> 01:07:59.000 with the ex. 975 01:07:59.000 --> 01:08:03.840 So early on, like he had an issue with like his church and I kind of like stepped in and 976 01:08:03.840 --> 01:08:07.360 encouraged him to like go back to church and whatever. 977 01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:12.600 And so I guess I'm just afraid that like, I don't want to be like this person that needs 978 01:08:12.600 --> 01:08:17.399 to like encourage someone to like, to go to church or whatever. 979 01:08:17.399 --> 01:08:19.040 It has to like come from them. 980 01:08:19.040 --> 01:08:25.279 I mean, I can't be like, yeah, saying, okay, let's, let's go or whatever. 981 01:08:25.279 --> 01:08:36.840 So let me ask you, this is going to be a tough question. 982 01:08:36.840 --> 01:08:42.920 Very beginning when you first started getting to know Wade, right. 983 01:08:42.920 --> 01:08:44.080 There was some excitement there. 984 01:08:44.080 --> 01:08:49.560 Remember Greg was telling Wade about you, like you, you, you, there was some interest 985 01:08:49.560 --> 01:08:50.560 there. 986 01:08:50.560 --> 01:08:51.560 There was some excitement with that. 987 01:08:51.560 --> 01:08:52.560 Right. 988 01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:53.560 Right. 989 01:08:53.560 --> 01:08:54.560 Yeah. 990 01:08:54.840 --> 01:08:59.160 So you get, there's a motion there that's excitement. 991 01:08:59.160 --> 01:09:10.120 And now that there's some motion, some forward motion with that, it's getting a bit scary. 992 01:09:10.120 --> 01:09:21.560 And so I want you to stop and spend time with the Lord to say, okay, what, what am 993 01:09:21.560 --> 01:09:32.880 I believing that's keeping me from stepping into more excitement and curiosity that it's 994 01:09:32.880 --> 01:09:40.279 actually holding me and keeping me in a place of fear to not move forward and to not find 995 01:09:40.279 --> 01:09:49.080 more information out and to not, you know, say, okay, God, I need, I need, I need time 996 01:09:49.080 --> 01:09:55.960 for you to, to reveal some things to me because when you're operating in that fear and that 997 01:09:55.960 --> 01:09:59.880 needing to know, and just, I just don't want this to happen. 998 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.620 we're projecting that to happen. 999 01:10:04.060 --> 01:10:06.300 In our brain, we're already playing out 1000 01:10:06.300 --> 01:10:09.740 what are we gonna do if this happens? 1001 01:10:09.740 --> 01:10:11.260 Well, I don't want that to happen, 1002 01:10:11.260 --> 01:10:13.140 so do I need to go ahead and cut out? 1003 01:10:13.140 --> 01:10:17.660 Do I need to find something wrong first 1004 01:10:17.660 --> 01:10:20.740 so that I potentially can save myself 1005 01:10:20.740 --> 01:10:23.180 from something that I don't know is gonna happen? 1006 01:10:25.380 --> 01:10:29.180 Yeah, I think, yeah, my brain goes to like a lot of times, 1007 01:10:29.180 --> 01:10:32.100 like, yeah, even though he's never shown me 1008 01:10:32.100 --> 01:10:34.740 any red flags or everything's been great, whatever. 1009 01:10:34.740 --> 01:10:35.820 Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying. 1010 01:10:35.820 --> 01:10:38.940 We haven't really seen any red flags. 1011 01:10:38.940 --> 01:10:40.260 Yeah. Right, yeah. 1012 01:10:40.260 --> 01:10:43.620 Like, there's been green flags. 1013 01:10:43.620 --> 01:10:45.860 There might be some yellow flags. 1014 01:10:45.860 --> 01:10:50.860 I think the concerns are coming from where your fears. 1015 01:10:54.060 --> 01:10:56.660 It's that needing to look and see 1016 01:10:56.660 --> 01:10:58.940 what is God wanting to heal in your heart? 1017 01:10:58.940 --> 01:11:01.020 What is it that you're believing? 1018 01:11:01.020 --> 01:11:03.100 What still needs to be healed? 1019 01:11:05.060 --> 01:11:07.660 What breakthrough needs to still kind of come there? 1020 01:11:07.660 --> 01:11:10.660 And God is gentle. 1021 01:11:10.660 --> 01:11:12.900 He's not gonna show it to you all at once. 1022 01:11:15.140 --> 01:11:16.060 He doesn't. 1023 01:11:16.060 --> 01:11:18.060 I mean, he's gonna be gentle with that. 1024 01:11:19.460 --> 01:11:22.900 And it sounds like Wade is a safe, 1025 01:11:24.260 --> 01:11:28.380 respectful, honorable, mature man 1026 01:11:28.780 --> 01:11:33.540 to be able to navigate that with in this season. 1027 01:11:34.500 --> 01:11:36.780 Doesn't mean that he's your spirit mate. 1028 01:11:36.780 --> 01:11:38.940 Well, yeah, because I remember like a couple of weeks ago 1029 01:11:38.940 --> 01:11:40.500 when I had the conversation with him 1030 01:11:40.500 --> 01:11:43.860 about whether he was marriage-minded and whatever. 1031 01:11:43.860 --> 01:11:44.700 Right. 1032 01:11:44.700 --> 01:11:46.260 Yeah, and he even told me then, 1033 01:11:46.260 --> 01:11:48.700 because I just prefaced it, 1034 01:11:48.700 --> 01:11:50.020 when I needed to ask him something, 1035 01:11:50.020 --> 01:11:51.900 and he's like, yeah, you can ask me anything and whatever. 1036 01:11:51.900 --> 01:11:54.900 And so he's very open, so yeah. 1037 01:11:54.900 --> 01:11:56.940 And I think that's, you're gonna learn 1038 01:11:56.940 --> 01:12:01.500 if you kind of let some of your walls down a little bit 1039 01:12:01.500 --> 01:12:04.500 and let go of some of this fear 1040 01:12:04.500 --> 01:12:07.860 of I'm gonna make the same mistake, 1041 01:12:07.860 --> 01:12:10.380 or I'm gonna have to do this again. 1042 01:12:10.380 --> 01:12:14.620 You get to take those things that happened in your past, 1043 01:12:14.620 --> 01:12:17.020 and they don't have to be reoccurrences. 1044 01:12:17.020 --> 01:12:20.780 They actually get to be lessons of wisdom. 1045 01:12:22.900 --> 01:12:26.780 You get to use your past as a stepping stone. 1046 01:12:27.900 --> 01:12:28.860 As growth. 1047 01:12:31.340 --> 01:12:34.260 And so you get to see, okay, this is how it was back then, 1048 01:12:34.260 --> 01:12:36.940 but now I'm approaching it in a different way 1049 01:12:36.940 --> 01:12:38.660 because I'm healthier. 1050 01:12:38.660 --> 01:12:41.020 I'm not afraid of anything. 1051 01:12:41.020 --> 01:12:44.340 And so I want you to sit and spend time with the Lord, 1052 01:12:44.340 --> 01:12:49.340 and I want you to begin to really receive that healing 1053 01:12:49.500 --> 01:12:53.620 and that peace over you. 1054 01:12:54.620 --> 01:12:56.340 I think that's important. 1055 01:12:56.340 --> 01:12:57.180 Okay. 1056 01:12:57.180 --> 01:12:58.540 Yeah, I will do that. 1057 01:12:58.540 --> 01:13:01.060 I really think that there's breakthrough, 1058 01:13:01.060 --> 01:13:03.420 and I think that's why you're experiencing this, 1059 01:13:03.420 --> 01:13:07.260 and there is that tug, there's that tension that's there 1060 01:13:07.260 --> 01:13:10.500 because God is about to take you 1061 01:13:12.100 --> 01:13:16.020 through some breakthrough, and it's the invitation. 1062 01:13:18.540 --> 01:13:19.860 Okay? 1063 01:13:19.860 --> 01:13:21.420 Okay. 1064 01:13:21.420 --> 01:13:24.500 Girl, I am proud of you for all, 1065 01:13:24.500 --> 01:13:26.060 you are showing up, ladies. 1066 01:13:27.100 --> 01:13:32.100 I want you to take a little clip from Laura. 1067 01:13:33.100 --> 01:13:37.860 She's been showing up, she's been getting vulnerable. 1068 01:13:37.860 --> 01:13:39.740 This has not been an easy walk. 1069 01:13:39.740 --> 01:13:42.460 It's not easy kind of stepping out into dating, 1070 01:13:42.460 --> 01:13:46.220 especially when we've got past hurts 1071 01:13:46.220 --> 01:13:48.780 from previous marriages. 1072 01:13:48.780 --> 01:13:53.260 That's not an easy, easy thing to do. 1073 01:13:53.260 --> 01:13:54.100 But she- 1074 01:13:54.100 --> 01:13:57.980 Well, yeah, I remember the first date back in April, 1075 01:13:57.980 --> 01:14:00.180 my heart was pounding for hours prior, 1076 01:14:00.180 --> 01:14:03.460 and I was about to text him and cancel or whatever, 1077 01:14:03.460 --> 01:14:05.420 but I was like, no, if I cancel, 1078 01:14:05.420 --> 01:14:07.660 then I'm never gonna move forward, so yeah. 1079 01:14:07.660 --> 01:14:09.540 And so that's what I'm saying. 1080 01:14:09.540 --> 01:14:12.180 She's moving, she's taking those steps forward, 1081 01:14:12.180 --> 01:14:14.900 she's showing up in community, she's posting. 1082 01:14:14.900 --> 01:14:17.580 And here's the thing, she's being real and honest with us 1083 01:14:17.580 --> 01:14:18.940 of where she's at. 1084 01:14:20.740 --> 01:14:24.700 Like, that's all we ask, ladies. 1085 01:14:24.700 --> 01:14:27.620 And we all can relate. 1086 01:14:28.660 --> 01:14:31.260 And you're doing great. 1087 01:14:31.260 --> 01:14:32.860 Like, Laura, you are getting growth. 1088 01:14:32.860 --> 01:14:35.380 Like, God is doing some great things in you. 1089 01:14:35.380 --> 01:14:38.860 So I want you to celebrate how far you've come. 1090 01:14:41.020 --> 01:14:42.780 All right, thank you. 1091 01:14:42.780 --> 01:14:44.460 Yeah, I mean, if it wasn't for this program, 1092 01:14:44.460 --> 01:14:47.380 I'm sure I would not be dating, so yeah. 1093 01:14:48.180 --> 01:14:50.300 Girl, I'd still be single if it wasn't for this program. 1094 01:14:50.300 --> 01:14:51.940 Right, yeah. 1095 01:14:51.940 --> 01:14:52.780 For sure. 1096 01:14:53.700 --> 01:14:54.540 Thank you, Carla. 1097 01:14:54.540 --> 01:14:55.980 All right, Kiernan, how are you? 1098 01:14:55.980 --> 01:14:57.980 Hi, I just want, yay! 1099 01:14:59.060 --> 01:15:00.260 I'm so glad they let me. 1100 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.260 it come in and just, I want to, I'll keep it real short, but I 1101 01:15:03.260 --> 01:15:06.500 wanted to first of all, just say thank you face to face, because 1102 01:15:06.500 --> 01:15:08.900 that's what hurt, you know, my heart was sad. It's like, Oh, I 1103 01:15:08.900 --> 01:15:11.980 didn't know I couldn't come back after I go to phase three in my 1104 01:15:11.980 --> 01:15:15.660 situation. So thank you so much for everything you've done. I 1105 01:15:15.660 --> 01:15:19.020 just wanted to say that. And I'm glad I I'll see you 1106 01:15:19.020 --> 01:15:22.300 in phase three. If you're in the Facebook group, or I don't know, 1107 01:15:22.300 --> 01:15:25.580 do you Facebook group or that we they have the app too. But if 1108 01:15:25.580 --> 01:15:31.200 you post in there, like I do go and check up on you ladies. So 1109 01:15:31.880 --> 01:15:36.480 keep me updated because I do pop in and like respond to some 1110 01:15:38.120 --> 01:15:40.920 great, and I wanted to do something that actually feels a 1111 01:15:40.920 --> 01:15:43.560 little I don't know, I feel a little risky, a little nervous, 1112 01:15:43.560 --> 01:15:46.440 but it's it's something I know God put on my heart just to real 1113 01:15:46.440 --> 01:15:50.280 briefly share something that is just like real strong in my 1114 01:15:50.280 --> 01:15:53.840 heart. And it's a pearl. And it's like something that's a 1115 01:15:53.840 --> 01:15:59.180 big part of God's call on my life. And it's actually and it 1116 01:15:59.220 --> 01:16:02.540 you know, it's probably something that's new to many 1117 01:16:02.540 --> 01:16:09.260 people that I've experienced, you know, anyway, maybe here. So 1118 01:16:09.260 --> 01:16:11.980 just as I share the pearl, I just want to encourage people 1119 01:16:11.980 --> 01:16:18.460 just to listen to understand and, and, and ask God to show 1120 01:16:18.460 --> 01:16:21.660 you whatever because I am depending on the Lord, I think 1121 01:16:21.660 --> 01:16:26.100 is always the bottom line. And, and also just to do whatever 1122 01:16:26.100 --> 01:16:34.400 God shows. So and here's what it is. Actually, basically, the 1123 01:16:34.400 --> 01:16:36.560 whole the whole view that the scriptures teach that the 1124 01:16:36.560 --> 01:16:40.640 husband is the spiritual leader of the wife, I know is a very 1125 01:16:40.640 --> 01:16:44.400 popular view. And I believe that for a long time, I did ask the 1126 01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:47.000 Lord to show me the truth, actually, right when I came to 1127 01:16:47.000 --> 01:16:50.500 the Lord, and had the opportunity like to go to 1128 01:16:50.500 --> 01:16:54.500 seminary and study in the Greek and study real thoroughly and 1129 01:16:54.500 --> 01:16:57.740 talk with a lot of people, and all that. So I just want to 1130 01:16:57.740 --> 01:17:01.140 mention, just so people know that there actually are wrong 1131 01:17:01.140 --> 01:17:05.720 translations that anyone can check, like in Ephesians five. 1132 01:17:06.820 --> 01:17:10.540 And, and there are actually wrong interpretations of the 1133 01:17:10.540 --> 01:17:16.180 word head. Like when in the first century, when it was used 1134 01:17:16.180 --> 01:17:19.920 with in relationship to the body, it actually meant source 1135 01:17:19.920 --> 01:17:24.120 or source of life, not leader, like our modern definition. And 1136 01:17:24.120 --> 01:17:27.880 so I, the the one thing that Jim, I wanted to just leave with 1137 01:17:27.880 --> 01:17:31.240 people is, and I can put something in the chat, you know, 1138 01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:34.040 if anybody wants to follow up, you know, but 1139 01:17:34.520 --> 01:17:36.320 can you post in the, in the app? 1140 01:17:37.080 --> 01:17:42.520 I can do it. Yeah, I think I can access the app. Because that I 1141 01:17:42.520 --> 01:17:43.440 stay in there. 1142 01:17:44.420 --> 01:17:47.140 Oh, okay. I'll put it in the app. Oh, 1143 01:17:48.300 --> 01:17:50.860 yes, that was saying there and then that way, like, because 1144 01:17:50.860 --> 01:17:52.700 then the women when they go on, like, they can always 1145 01:17:52.700 --> 01:17:56.420 screenshot what you what you said. And like, they can keep 1146 01:17:56.420 --> 01:18:00.220 that. Right. So I just like some things that like, like you 1147 01:18:00.220 --> 01:18:03.580 ladies share in the community that like, when you say, like, 1148 01:18:03.980 --> 01:18:06.500 ladies, I'm not screenshotting your questions and all that kind 1149 01:18:06.500 --> 01:18:12.100 of stuff. Like, when their messages to me, like, like, 1150 01:18:12.100 --> 01:18:15.520 ladies will send messages like Carla, thank you for like, I 1151 01:18:15.520 --> 01:18:18.640 keep those because those are special to me, because y'all 1152 01:18:18.640 --> 01:18:22.360 are special to me. Like, being on this journey in this walk 1153 01:18:22.360 --> 01:18:26.760 with y'all is, is a privilege and honor. Like, there's days 1154 01:18:26.760 --> 01:18:31.440 I'm like, why? It's like, why God chose me to do this. I'm 1155 01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:35.320 like, I don't know why, but I'm thankful for it. So those kinds 1156 01:18:35.320 --> 01:18:39.680 of things. So if there's something that like, in that's 1157 01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:41.820 impressing, that you can share that. 1158 01:18:42.220 --> 01:18:45.340 I will, I will do that. Suggestion. That's a great 1159 01:18:45.340 --> 01:18:49.100 suggestion. So thank you. And I just want to affirm to, I'm not 1160 01:18:49.100 --> 01:18:52.280 into the woman being the spiritual leader of the man. 1161 01:18:52.280 --> 01:18:53.180 Like, no. 1162 01:18:54.700 --> 01:18:58.100 It really is like, it's, it is a it's a partnership. It's a 1163 01:18:58.100 --> 01:19:02.180 partnership of the Lord. And it's that it's the treat, like 1164 01:19:02.180 --> 01:19:06.540 it's the trio, like it's husband, wife, and God, like, 1165 01:19:06.840 --> 01:19:12.320 all three, just like Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Um, it's the 1166 01:19:12.320 --> 01:19:14.760 husband and the wife coming together is the perfect image of 1167 01:19:14.760 --> 01:19:19.260 God. And so you need both. Yeah, the other one's not dominating 1168 01:19:19.260 --> 01:19:24.600 over the other it is, it is clearly a coming together. And 1169 01:19:25.740 --> 01:19:29.120 yeah, there's compatibility there. And, and you've been 1170 01:19:29.160 --> 01:19:30.920 where you've been married before, right? 1171 01:19:31.400 --> 01:19:33.960 No, the Lord showed me not to get married. 1172 01:19:34.260 --> 01:19:38.460 No, but to do my hard work for a day. Well, you are well, 1173 01:19:38.460 --> 01:19:44.420 marriage is on you because I do like that. Like, that's where 1174 01:19:44.420 --> 01:19:47.460 like, when you lay like those of you that have been married will 1175 01:19:47.460 --> 01:19:52.820 understand those I was never married until now, where once 1176 01:19:52.820 --> 01:19:57.360 you get married, you do realize like, that's what all of that 1177 01:19:57.360 --> 01:19:58.940 means that that 1178 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:11.200 grafting kind of together. There is a maturity that comes with it. And again, kind of sacrificing 1179 01:20:11.200 --> 01:20:17.120 a self like, you know, yes, your husbands love your wives, like Jesus love the church, 1180 01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:26.080 there is a sacrificial love in that. And then the wife is a submission like to your husband, 1181 01:20:26.960 --> 01:20:33.600 it's beautiful. And we could do a whole teaching on that and get so much input, but 1182 01:20:33.600 --> 01:20:39.200 we don't have time for that. But yeah, like, there really is a beautiful 1183 01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:45.920 thing with marriage that God really truly designed. Like it is divine, and it is absolutely 1184 01:20:45.920 --> 01:20:53.280 wonderful. And yes, scripture can get distorted, y'all. Satan knew the word of God. 1185 01:20:53.920 --> 01:20:59.920 Definitely. Actually, the word submit is not the word submit is not in verse 22 wives submit to 1186 01:20:59.920 --> 01:21:05.280 your husbands and anyone can check it because it's got to the verse before which is submit 1187 01:21:05.280 --> 01:21:13.040 one to another another yet submit one to another way like you like you honor each other like yeah, 1188 01:21:13.040 --> 01:21:20.080 there's just so many we could Yeah, we could dive in and on. I love it. And I love talking about 1189 01:21:20.080 --> 01:21:29.360 this. I love me too. I love like God just revealing just his his nature in all of it. And 1190 01:21:29.360 --> 01:21:35.520 it's it's gorgeous. So yeah, and it actually causes more abuse of women and girls where there's a view 1191 01:21:35.520 --> 01:21:41.680 of one person being the leader, the authority there. I mean, the research is solid across 1192 01:21:41.680 --> 01:21:49.120 the world. So it's important and women are the keepers of the home. Like, my husband knows like 1193 01:21:49.120 --> 01:21:56.240 I'm kind of the one in charge of the home and the kids. He partners with me. I'm not I mean, 1194 01:21:56.240 --> 01:22:02.560 I'm not making all the decisions. We make the decisions together. But I'm the one that like, 1195 01:22:03.280 --> 01:22:10.720 I kind of help organize it so that he can go and provide and support like do the things that he 1196 01:22:10.720 --> 01:22:18.080 needs to do to cover and get like what he needs to do for our family. Like he can't do all the 1197 01:22:18.080 --> 01:22:25.200 things he needs me to be his helpmate. Like, that's what I do. But guess what? I got kids in 1198 01:22:25.200 --> 01:22:32.480 a home that you best believe I know how to lead them. So yeah, okay, that's all I don't want to 1199 01:22:32.480 --> 01:22:38.800 take too much time, but I'll put it in. So it's such an honor. I've loved it. You've done a great 1200 01:22:38.880 --> 01:22:46.000 job. Oh, thanks. Okay, next. All right. Okay, I got Cynthia. See, how are you? 1201 01:22:47.680 --> 01:22:55.040 Hi, I think I'm Susan wanted to go next because she's got to get off. Okay. I'll come after 1202 01:22:55.040 --> 01:23:00.240 Susan. Okay. Thank you, Cynthia, for doing that. Hey, Susan, how are you? Oh, thank you, Cynthia. 1203 01:23:00.240 --> 01:23:06.400 I appreciate that. Did Ebony did Ebony reply? Because I know I just saw today that you had a 1204 01:23:06.400 --> 01:23:10.480 post. Did Ebony reply to you? Or do you still need some? Yeah, she did. She did. I just had 1205 01:23:10.480 --> 01:23:15.280 another quick question. Um, I'm in my bathroom, too. So I gotta hurry up and change and leave. 1206 01:23:15.280 --> 01:23:22.320 But okay, so I had two questions. So I've noticed like, they'll quick on Instagram, 1207 01:23:22.320 --> 01:23:26.240 I've noticed a lot of like men kind of like dating coaches that'll just like pop up. 1208 01:23:26.880 --> 01:23:31.280 And they're all kind of saying something story similar. And I was curious, you guys, 1209 01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:37.520 your perspective. Basically, they're saying, if that man doesn't text you within, you know, 1210 01:23:37.520 --> 01:23:45.440 after 48 hours, text you back, forget about it, like, done block them. Another guy's like, 1211 01:23:45.440 --> 01:23:50.960 that man doesn't text you back after 24 hours. That man hates you. They're all just kind of 1212 01:23:50.960 --> 01:23:56.320 saying similar stuff. That man, he didn't message you back. You could have gotten married in the 1213 01:23:56.320 --> 01:24:00.560 time. Oh, I went to Vegas over the weekend. I met someone else and I eloped. Sir, it's been three 1214 01:24:00.560 --> 01:24:08.560 days. So what is your opinion about that? Okay. Um, it is true. Everyone has their phone 1215 01:24:09.840 --> 01:24:18.240 to me to share is, um, you're gonna see a lot of noise on social media. Yeah. 1216 01:24:19.760 --> 01:24:24.160 Um, there's everybody's got an opinion. Okay. 1217 01:24:24.480 --> 01:24:29.920 Everybody. I mean, I mean, Jackie's on social media, Jackie's on there and sharing about dating. 1218 01:24:29.920 --> 01:24:34.720 I mean, and, and, and there's several, several women dating coaches. There's several men dating 1219 01:24:34.720 --> 01:24:39.520 coaches, several women dating coaches. There is, there's definitely something in the air 1220 01:24:40.960 --> 01:24:48.320 about dating and marriage. Okay. Marriage and family is being attacked and God wants marriage 1221 01:24:48.640 --> 01:24:58.240 and family restored and Satan wants to keep it isolated. Right. So there's going to be a lot 1222 01:24:58.240 --> 01:24:59.840 of voices that are coming in and. 1223 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.000 So it really is about practicing the discernment 1224 01:25:03.000 --> 01:25:08.000 of what is in alignment with God's word and what's not. 1225 01:25:08.720 --> 01:25:13.480 And so my initial thought when you're sharing, 1226 01:25:13.480 --> 01:25:15.560 because I'm literally writing down and processing 1227 01:25:15.560 --> 01:25:17.160 and God's just showing me, 1228 01:25:21.320 --> 01:25:25.180 I would encourage to not listen to the noise. 1229 01:25:26.020 --> 01:25:29.940 Listen to one or two people 1230 01:25:31.100 --> 01:25:34.420 that you hear God's word in 1231 01:25:35.700 --> 01:25:37.400 and those are the ones you follow. 1232 01:25:38.500 --> 01:25:40.740 When you start putting more voices in there, 1233 01:25:42.620 --> 01:25:44.140 that's when it's gonna start getting messy 1234 01:25:44.140 --> 01:25:46.220 and that's when confusion's gonna come in. 1235 01:25:49.380 --> 01:25:51.160 Because my first question is, 1236 01:25:51.160 --> 01:25:54.120 these men coaches, are any of them Christian? 1237 01:25:56.140 --> 01:25:56.980 I don't know. 1238 01:25:56.980 --> 01:25:59.300 And I don't even follow them. 1239 01:25:59.300 --> 01:26:01.620 They just pop up under like, 1240 01:26:01.620 --> 01:26:03.340 like randomly like. 1241 01:26:03.340 --> 01:26:04.900 Well, yeah, and they're gonna pop up 1242 01:26:04.900 --> 01:26:06.340 because that's, I mean, y'all, 1243 01:26:06.340 --> 01:26:08.700 I get that stuff popping up too, 1244 01:26:08.700 --> 01:26:10.620 because I'm a dating coach. 1245 01:26:11.860 --> 01:26:12.940 So guess what? 1246 01:26:12.940 --> 01:26:17.900 My phone's algorithm is going to throw those things at me. 1247 01:26:17.900 --> 01:26:21.060 So if you are in a season of dating 1248 01:26:21.060 --> 01:26:23.220 and learning more about dating, guess what? 1249 01:26:23.220 --> 01:26:27.700 That stuff is going to get thrown in front of you way more. 1250 01:26:27.700 --> 01:26:29.940 And so that's where we have to guard our hearts. 1251 01:26:29.940 --> 01:26:32.980 We have to really make sure that, 1252 01:26:32.980 --> 01:26:36.260 ladies, this is just what the Lord 1253 01:26:36.260 --> 01:26:38.820 is downloading to me right now is, 1254 01:26:40.580 --> 01:26:42.860 it is really important to check anything 1255 01:26:42.860 --> 01:26:46.300 that we hear with God's word. 1256 01:26:50.100 --> 01:26:51.900 I mean, I can't tell you how many times I'm like, 1257 01:26:51.900 --> 01:26:55.060 oh, well, I feel like God told me this. 1258 01:26:55.060 --> 01:26:57.740 And my husband will sometimes check me and be like, 1259 01:26:57.740 --> 01:26:59.900 well, is that what the word of God says? 1260 01:26:59.900 --> 01:27:02.100 Does that come in alignment with the word of God? 1261 01:27:03.700 --> 01:27:08.020 And I'm like, oh, I need to go spend more time with that. 1262 01:27:08.020 --> 01:27:09.580 And sometimes I'm like, no, yeah. 1263 01:27:09.580 --> 01:27:11.260 And then God will show me, 1264 01:27:11.260 --> 01:27:14.140 yep, this is what it looks like. 1265 01:27:14.140 --> 01:27:16.380 And then other times God's like, 1266 01:27:16.380 --> 01:27:18.380 yes, but here's where it got distorted. 1267 01:27:19.380 --> 01:27:21.220 And so that's what I would encourage you, ladies, 1268 01:27:21.220 --> 01:27:25.380 like really be mindful of what you're listening to. 1269 01:27:26.980 --> 01:27:29.660 What are you allowing to enter? 1270 01:27:29.660 --> 01:27:30.580 What are you watching? 1271 01:27:30.580 --> 01:27:32.860 What are you scrolling and seeing? 1272 01:27:32.860 --> 01:27:37.180 How often are we in the word 1273 01:27:39.780 --> 01:27:44.380 and how often are we listening to dating coaches 1274 01:27:44.380 --> 01:27:46.060 and things on social media? 1275 01:27:49.060 --> 01:27:50.580 I had to do that myself. 1276 01:27:50.580 --> 01:27:52.140 Like even with Jackie, there were times 1277 01:27:52.140 --> 01:27:53.820 that I was like probably listening to Jackie 1278 01:27:53.820 --> 01:27:56.100 more than I was going to God. 1279 01:27:56.100 --> 01:27:57.140 And Jackie will tell you, 1280 01:27:57.140 --> 01:28:00.460 no, you need to go check this with the Lord. 1281 01:28:00.460 --> 01:28:02.780 She's not sitting there saying she knows it all. 1282 01:28:02.780 --> 01:28:05.580 I'm not gonna sit there and tell you I have all the answers. 1283 01:28:05.580 --> 01:28:07.700 She doesn't, I don't, Ebony doesn't, 1284 01:28:07.700 --> 01:28:10.100 Bethany doesn't, Renee doesn't. 1285 01:28:10.100 --> 01:28:11.140 We're just vessels. 1286 01:28:13.220 --> 01:28:16.300 You get the opportunity to spend time 1287 01:28:16.300 --> 01:28:19.260 with your heavenly father through Holy Spirit 1288 01:28:19.260 --> 01:28:20.900 and what Jesus has done for you. 1289 01:28:22.100 --> 01:28:27.100 And that's where I would encourage all of you ladies 1290 01:28:27.380 --> 01:28:30.060 spend more time there than anywhere. 1291 01:28:32.380 --> 01:28:34.260 Like, and I have to check myself too 1292 01:28:34.260 --> 01:28:36.060 because I'll do that often. 1293 01:28:36.060 --> 01:28:37.460 Like, oh, wow. 1294 01:28:37.460 --> 01:28:38.820 And then that's when I typically feel 1295 01:28:38.820 --> 01:28:39.820 like a little more stirred up. 1296 01:28:39.820 --> 01:28:43.700 And I'm like, oh, I'll sit and I'll watch sermons. 1297 01:28:44.700 --> 01:28:46.820 And I'm like, oh, oh, and then I'll start feeling 1298 01:28:46.820 --> 01:28:49.140 like this little, like this tension and everything. 1299 01:28:49.140 --> 01:28:52.180 And it's like, I haven't journaled 1300 01:28:52.180 --> 01:28:55.740 and I haven't opened my Bible in three days. 1301 01:28:55.740 --> 01:29:00.740 Yeah, I might be listening to a pastor talk about the word, 1302 01:29:00.740 --> 01:29:03.380 but I need to go open that word. 1303 01:29:04.700 --> 01:29:06.260 I need to go hear from him. 1304 01:29:06.260 --> 01:29:08.780 I'm wired to hear from the Lord. 1305 01:29:08.780 --> 01:29:09.740 We all are. 1306 01:29:10.140 --> 01:29:12.340 Like, can he use pastors and other people 1307 01:29:12.340 --> 01:29:13.660 to speak absolutely? 1308 01:29:13.660 --> 01:29:14.500 But guess what? 1309 01:29:14.500 --> 01:29:17.420 When I spend quiet, intimate time with the Lord 1310 01:29:17.420 --> 01:29:19.860 and I open his word, his word speaks to me. 1311 01:29:22.260 --> 01:29:24.860 And so I get to go and be like, you know what, Lord, 1312 01:29:25.860 --> 01:29:27.940 I'm hearing all these men dating, you know, 1313 01:29:27.940 --> 01:29:29.660 men coaches tell about this. 1314 01:29:29.660 --> 01:29:32.060 Like, Lord, what do you want me to? 1315 01:29:32.060 --> 01:29:33.540 This is how I'm responding to this. 1316 01:29:33.540 --> 01:29:35.620 And I need some wisdom on this, God. 1317 01:29:35.620 --> 01:29:37.100 What do you have for me today? 1318 01:29:37.460 --> 01:29:38.540 And that's what we get to, 1319 01:29:38.540 --> 01:29:40.980 like we get invited into that. 1320 01:29:40.980 --> 01:29:45.980 That would be my opinion on that. 1321 01:29:46.020 --> 01:29:46.860 Don't wait. 1322 01:29:46.860 --> 01:29:47.700 Yeah, that's great. 1323 01:29:47.700 --> 01:29:48.540 That makes sense. 1324 01:29:48.540 --> 01:29:51.220 And also, if you're supposed to pace in the beginning, 1325 01:29:51.220 --> 01:29:52.060 I mean, to be honest, 1326 01:29:52.060 --> 01:29:54.380 I don't really want to talk to someone every day. 1327 01:29:54.380 --> 01:29:57.580 So then that's why I'm like, well, maybe that's why I don't. 1328 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.680 Maybe that's my issue. Like maybe I 1329 01:30:04.640 --> 01:30:06.040 You and 1330 01:30:06.040 --> 01:30:13.240 And Jackie will it will share this too is you are going to recognize that you will know a man is interested in you 1331 01:30:13.240 --> 01:30:15.840 You're not gonna have to second-guess it ladies 1332 01:30:17.160 --> 01:30:22.560 You're gonna know that they're gonna want to spend time. You're not gonna have to go chase after them to go spend time with them 1333 01:30:24.320 --> 01:30:28.160 They are going to to make sure they're in front of you and 1334 01:30:28.560 --> 01:30:29.560 And 1335 01:30:29.560 --> 01:30:35.080 The ones that are constantly wanting to be in front of you. You might have to be like, okay, honey, boy 1336 01:30:35.080 --> 01:30:37.080 I need you to step back and 1337 01:30:37.640 --> 01:30:43.800 That's okay. That doesn't mean that they're a terrible person. It just means they have an opportunity to 1338 01:30:45.480 --> 01:30:47.480 Show you that they respect boundaries 1339 01:30:48.520 --> 01:30:50.040 honor boundaries 1340 01:30:50.040 --> 01:30:55.760 You get to help kind of like hey, I really I'm flattered that you want to you know, speak to me every day 1341 01:30:55.760 --> 01:30:57.760 I got a lot going on and 1342 01:30:57.880 --> 01:31:03.680 you know the way I feel safe and comfortable and open up and getting to know someone is is taking time and 1343 01:31:04.080 --> 01:31:08.120 Seeing how things unfold and so would it be okay with you? 1344 01:31:08.120 --> 01:31:13.180 if maybe we just touched base once every three days there, you know, if you want to get together again 1345 01:31:13.180 --> 01:31:18.740 Like plan a date with me a couple days in advance and and then that way we have some things to talk about on our date 1346 01:31:19.160 --> 01:31:21.160 Would that be okay with you? 1347 01:31:21.600 --> 01:31:25.480 And guess what if it is and he's really interested he don't stick around 1348 01:31:26.400 --> 01:31:28.120 He gonna spend 1349 01:31:28.120 --> 01:31:30.280 whatever time you're willing to give him and 1350 01:31:31.200 --> 01:31:37.480 And yeah, yeah, so doesn't get his ego hurt or get all that's what I'm saying. Sometimes that is like 1351 01:31:38.160 --> 01:31:43.760 The message that they may be trying to share is you do not have to question a man's interest 1352 01:31:44.400 --> 01:31:46.600 That I do like that. I agree. I 1353 01:31:47.280 --> 01:31:49.680 Hadn't I knew my husband was interested in me 1354 01:31:50.640 --> 01:31:52.520 Like 1355 01:31:52.520 --> 01:31:57.880 My husband was all about talking about marriage very very early. I was like, whoa boy like I 1356 01:31:58.440 --> 01:32:02.840 Mean I kind of like like I said, he did not follow a lot of the rules 1357 01:32:02.840 --> 01:32:09.000 I didn't follow all the rules, but he definitely didn't he was open and all the the TMI stuff that I'm like 1358 01:32:09.000 --> 01:32:10.600 I don't need to know about your 1359 01:32:10.600 --> 01:32:17.080 Late wife and the toxic relationship that you had and and how she died and I didn't need to know of that 1360 01:32:17.120 --> 01:32:22.480 I didn't need to know about the kids and what I'm like, no, that's too much information for me 1361 01:32:23.520 --> 01:32:24.920 but I 1362 01:32:24.920 --> 01:32:26.920 Sat and I listened. I 1363 01:32:27.520 --> 01:32:35.240 offered some boundaries and I listened how he had healed and how opened he was to the healing process and 1364 01:32:35.880 --> 01:32:43.860 What he was doing to show up differently and what he learned and grow from it like now I was just like, okay 1365 01:32:44.740 --> 01:32:49.460 You can be on your phone sir, because you work remote from home I can't so 1366 01:32:50.940 --> 01:32:52.940 I'll message you when I get off work 1367 01:32:53.540 --> 01:32:58.540 I'll call you when I get off work or I'm not gonna have time to talk today because I have my son. I 1368 01:33:00.820 --> 01:33:02.620 Have some free time 1369 01:33:02.620 --> 01:33:09.880 Such and such day we can spend an hour on the phone then would that work? Yes. Okay, perfect and he made that time 1370 01:33:10.880 --> 01:33:12.880 Mm-hmm. Yeah 1371 01:33:13.160 --> 01:33:15.160 a lot of men that are 1372 01:33:15.800 --> 01:33:17.800 Seem very passive very unintentional 1373 01:33:18.520 --> 01:33:20.520 Like they want you to call them 1374 01:33:20.560 --> 01:33:25.680 Then they you know, I'll tell them, you know, you can reach me at this time. They missed the call, you know, so 1375 01:33:26.440 --> 01:33:30.600 And that's just showing you that you know, they've been they've probably been hurt 1376 01:33:30.840 --> 01:33:34.380 They've probably gone through some stuff and they haven't maybe done their healing 1377 01:33:34.860 --> 01:33:40.460 It's not your job to sit there and mother them and coach them and teach them and you know 1378 01:33:40.460 --> 01:33:43.740 Help boost their spirit and their ego. It's just okay. Well, um 1379 01:33:45.180 --> 01:33:50.180 You either want to get to know me or you don't you're either willing to work through that stuff or you're not 1380 01:33:50.740 --> 01:33:52.500 It's guess what? 1381 01:33:52.500 --> 01:33:59.220 I'm not gonna do it perfectly in this dating and guess what neither are you sir? So let's just be open to 1382 01:34:00.220 --> 01:34:05.940 Communicating and seeing where this goes and seeing if there's some things in alignment and if there's not 1383 01:34:06.940 --> 01:34:11.060 We don't have to be offended. We don't have to be upset. We just know that there's somebody else out there for us 1384 01:34:12.340 --> 01:34:14.780 And you can that's good. Wish somebody out on their way 1385 01:34:16.460 --> 01:34:19.420 Like I did it a lot of really great guys that 1386 01:34:21.620 --> 01:34:23.540 I'm like that 1387 01:34:23.540 --> 01:34:29.180 Handful of them are married now, like I've seen that they've gotten married one actually was in our program and he just recently got married 1388 01:34:29.500 --> 01:34:32.620 He was a really great guy. He wasn't my guy for sure 1389 01:34:34.860 --> 01:34:37.820 But he really was a really genuine guy not he like 1390 01:34:38.860 --> 01:34:40.740 But he wasn't 1391 01:34:40.740 --> 01:34:42.460 showing all that interest 1392 01:34:42.460 --> 01:34:47.580 He would show a little bit of interest that he had some healing to do and then he met this other girl and I'm like 1393 01:34:47.580 --> 01:34:50.060 Okay, like I'm not I didn't have to get 1394 01:34:51.340 --> 01:34:53.340 sideways about it 1395 01:34:53.700 --> 01:34:55.060 like 1396 01:34:55.060 --> 01:34:57.700 he got to meet his person and and 1397 01:34:58.260 --> 01:35:00.260 God did something 1398 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.680 and him and her and healed them too. Now they're married. God did that with me and my husband 1399 01:35:05.680 --> 01:35:14.320 and things are good. Like there's, we don't have to, to get so tore up. 1400 01:35:16.880 --> 01:35:20.720 Yeah. All right. I'm going to take Cynthia's seat. Was that, that was it, right? 1401 01:35:21.440 --> 01:35:27.280 Well, the other question was just about just real quick, someone at my church. So I matched, 1402 01:35:27.280 --> 01:35:32.480 so I don't even know if I should. Cause didn't you guys say that don't even bother matching 1403 01:35:32.480 --> 01:35:36.560 with guys on Facebook friendship? Because if they can't even say that they're wanting a 1404 01:35:36.560 --> 01:35:43.840 relationship, don't even bother matching. I don't see anything terrible with it. I mean, 1405 01:35:43.840 --> 01:35:48.240 you're just, again, you're into discovery phase. I mean, was it on, were you on Facebook dating 1406 01:35:48.240 --> 01:35:52.960 and the guys and he just wants friendship? There's like, there's two sections of Facebook 1407 01:35:52.960 --> 01:35:58.080 dating. There's like Facebook dating and there's Facebook, like friendship dating, 1408 01:35:58.080 --> 01:36:02.480 kind of, it's not like called. I probably wouldn't mess with people like trying to match 1409 01:36:02.480 --> 01:36:07.760 his friends. So like, I want to say Ebony or Jackie is saying like, those are the avoidant 1410 01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:12.400 guys. Like they are. I wouldn't do that. I just want to be friends. Oh, I'm going to go on a 1411 01:36:12.400 --> 01:36:19.200 dating site, but it's just for friendship. No, we're not doing that. Yeah. So that's what that 1412 01:36:19.200 --> 01:36:25.120 was. Yeah. Like I, I would just friend section was somehow the guy from my church popped up 1413 01:36:25.920 --> 01:36:32.880 and like, I've seen him and I'm like, I'm open-minded. Like, I'm like, I'm kind of attracted. 1414 01:36:32.880 --> 01:36:37.760 Like, he's not bad. Like I could probably get there. Like he's cute. And anything I would, 1415 01:36:37.760 --> 01:36:42.080 instead of doing it, the whole Facebook thing, I'd like straight up go. And again, I, I can be a 1416 01:36:42.080 --> 01:36:49.360 little bit more bold. I'm good. I'm, I got pretty good at dropping hankies that if I saw him at 1417 01:36:49.360 --> 01:36:55.920 church, I'd be like, Hey, strike up a conversation in some way, shape, or form. I'd find something 1418 01:36:55.920 --> 01:37:03.200 clever and then just kind of see what happened. And then just again, pick up the energy and see 1419 01:37:03.200 --> 01:37:07.520 what's happening. Then go from there. If I was going to entertain any of that, it would be an 1420 01:37:07.520 --> 01:37:11.120 in-person thing. Cause I want to see interaction. I'm going to see how they 1421 01:37:11.760 --> 01:37:17.280 respond face to face in person around other people, Michelle, maybe around other, you know, 1422 01:37:17.280 --> 01:37:24.720 that's, that would be me. I wouldn't, I wouldn't do all of the, let me be your Facebook dating 1423 01:37:24.720 --> 01:37:30.000 friend. No, like, I'm going to come up to you and I'm going to really see what, what are you, 1424 01:37:30.000 --> 01:37:35.360 what are you interested in looking for? Like, you know, I'm like, I'm going to get to know you. 1425 01:37:35.360 --> 01:37:40.720 I don't like, I'm not one of those people that I will go up to a lot of strangers. I have opened 1426 01:37:40.720 --> 01:37:48.800 up in my 43 years of just learning to, there's not a stranger on this planet. Like, look, 1427 01:37:49.360 --> 01:37:55.600 if people want to have conversation, I will have conversation with them. That's just how I am. So, 1428 01:37:56.400 --> 01:38:03.200 um, yeah, I wouldn't entertain. Okay. Yeah. Cause it's awkward. That's weird to me. 1429 01:38:03.280 --> 01:38:08.720 It is weird. I didn't know Facebook did that. I'm like, are you kidding? Yeah. And it's awkward 1430 01:38:08.720 --> 01:38:13.200 because now we both matched and no one's saying anything. Like no one's waved. No one said hi. 1431 01:38:13.200 --> 01:38:19.920 It just shows that we matched. And I'm like, uh, and it's, I, I was a, I was a greeter this past 1432 01:38:19.920 --> 01:38:24.640 year at church, like holding a sign or whatever. Welcome. So like, he's come up to me a few times 1433 01:38:24.640 --> 01:38:28.480 and like said like, Hey, good morning, woman of God. And then I like asked him his name, 1434 01:38:28.480 --> 01:38:33.120 but I just feel like, like what you guys say. I mean, if a man is really interested, 1435 01:38:34.000 --> 01:38:38.400 like, yeah, I mean, I would just straight up make it. I mean, I'm, I'm one of those people. 1436 01:38:38.400 --> 01:38:43.840 I can sometimes make things very awkward, but sometimes I like to do that because I like to 1437 01:38:43.840 --> 01:38:49.440 see how people respond to that. And then I met, I met and married a husband that makes 1438 01:38:49.440 --> 01:38:54.000 things very awkward. And then I'm like, Oh my gosh, they don't do that. That's like, you're weird. 1439 01:38:54.000 --> 01:38:59.760 Like it, it shows I'm getting payback for all the times that I've made people feel awkward is 1440 01:38:59.760 --> 01:39:04.720 like, now my husband really does make things awkward. Um, but I would just be like, Hey, 1441 01:39:06.320 --> 01:39:10.960 weren't you on that? Like, did you match me on that? Like, I would say that. 1442 01:39:11.600 --> 01:39:18.080 That's yeah. And I saw him hinge like a few months ago and he did match. And then what's funny is 1443 01:39:18.080 --> 01:39:21.520 now, like, I don't know if he's gotten just discouraged. Did he like, even what he wrote 1444 01:39:21.520 --> 01:39:26.880 on his like profile for the Facebook friendship says like, I don't know. I'm getting pretty 1445 01:39:26.880 --> 01:39:31.920 content lately with just Jesus and me. My life's pretty good, but I don't know. I'm just on here 1446 01:39:31.920 --> 01:39:35.840 because I keep getting a message that I have a secret admirer. So it doesn't even sound like 1447 01:39:35.840 --> 01:39:41.200 he's that intentional. Hmm. I don't know. So I would ask questions about it and just be like, 1448 01:39:41.200 --> 01:39:47.920 okay, I need to know the story behind all of this. Okay. What man is going on Facebook dating 1449 01:39:47.920 --> 01:39:51.680 friends and says they're content. We going to have to have a conversation about that. You're 1450 01:39:51.680 --> 01:39:57.840 going to have to let me know more like, like that's how I would drop a hanky. I mean like, 1451 01:39:57.840 --> 01:39:59.840 you're going to have, we're going to have to go out to coffee. 1452 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.840 And you're gonna have to tell me tell me all your endeavors all your adventures on on this dating 1453 01:40:07.320 --> 01:40:12.340 Okay, like that's how I would just I would make it more fun. I would make it more friendly fun and see 1454 01:40:12.840 --> 01:40:14.840 See how he shows up. I 1455 01:40:15.000 --> 01:40:17.000 Would do it in person though. I wouldn't do this 1456 01:40:17.760 --> 01:40:22.880 You see people in real life. I would I'm always about more of the real life stuff than anything else anyway 1457 01:40:24.600 --> 01:40:26.600 But yeah, if you see him again just 1458 01:40:27.200 --> 01:40:29.360 Pull him out, but in that flirty way 1459 01:40:30.480 --> 01:40:33.260 Okay, when you get to practice that flirting muscle 1460 01:40:33.920 --> 01:40:38.200 Okay. Yeah, like so any of you ladies that want to practice flirting? 1461 01:40:38.920 --> 01:40:41.240 That's what you can do. Okay, and 1462 01:40:42.400 --> 01:40:44.400 We can do that, too 1463 01:40:44.440 --> 01:40:46.440 You're welcome 1464 01:40:46.560 --> 01:40:49.720 We've got to do that too, but we'll coach you on how to flirt. All right 1465 01:40:50.840 --> 01:40:51.600 It's tough 1466 01:40:51.600 --> 01:40:52.280 I mean 1467 01:40:52.280 --> 01:40:58.400 I was I did I wasn't dating for like five or six years after I had my son and I was like I forget how 1468 01:40:58.400 --> 01:40:59.880 to flirt and 1469 01:40:59.880 --> 01:41:04.560 Jackie helped me and a lot of the women can help me learn how to flirt again 1470 01:41:04.560 --> 01:41:07.760 And so that will help you will help you with that 1471 01:41:08.440 --> 01:41:13.640 Alright, I'm gonna go Cynthia. Well, we got Cynthia see and then I got Cynthia cave and then I got Joanne 1472 01:41:14.280 --> 01:41:21.160 Well, I'd like to learn how to flirt because apparently I think I meet I'm having 1473 01:41:21.680 --> 01:41:27.560 Mixed signals and stuff. I'm thinking people men are liking me. I'm having with some of them 1474 01:41:27.560 --> 01:41:33.320 I'm smiling having good conversation, but not able to get them to ask me out. So I 1475 01:41:34.960 --> 01:41:36.960 We're gonna do yeah 1476 01:41:37.480 --> 01:41:40.320 So is that your question? How do I how do I drop the hanky? 1477 01:41:40.400 --> 01:41:46.680 Yeah, how do I drop the hanky and then my other one I put in and I guess maybe this might be beyond y'all's pay 1478 01:41:46.680 --> 01:41:47.880 grade 1479 01:41:47.880 --> 01:41:49.880 about me 1480 01:41:50.080 --> 01:41:56.040 Because I you know as I'm thinking I have not actually dated anybody that I really really 1481 01:41:56.720 --> 01:41:57.920 Was 1482 01:41:57.920 --> 01:41:59.920 Attracted to okay 1483 01:42:00.080 --> 01:42:06.640 Even though I've you know made eye contact, you know, we flirting with eyes and stuff but getting them to 1484 01:42:07.280 --> 01:42:11.760 Actually talk to me or respond to me. I don't know how to do it 1485 01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:14.920 Okay 1486 01:42:16.840 --> 01:42:18.840 Have you have you 1487 01:42:19.360 --> 01:42:22.520 when you see guys that you're really attracted to 1488 01:42:23.160 --> 01:42:26.440 Like are you seeing guys that you're attracted to and you're just like I can't do it 1489 01:42:27.360 --> 01:42:33.640 Well, I'm seeing guys that I'm attracted to and I'm speaking to them. I'm smiling at them 1490 01:42:35.400 --> 01:42:39.720 In some cases I'm having a conversation I'm have actually having a conversation 1491 01:42:40.600 --> 01:42:43.480 Stopping and talking for five minutes. Okay, um 1492 01:42:44.320 --> 01:42:49.000 I'm not able for whatever. Maybe they're married or something. I don't know 1493 01:42:49.000 --> 01:42:53.520 I don't know what kind I'm not reading signals really good at all. So 1494 01:42:56.080 --> 01:42:58.080 Okay, what's happening 1495 01:42:59.840 --> 01:43:05.320 Inside you when you were in that moment having conversation with him like what's what's happening 1496 01:43:06.120 --> 01:43:13.760 Internally, like is there nerves? Is there anxious energy? Is there are you feel relaxed? Do you feel like what? 1497 01:43:14.480 --> 01:43:20.800 What are some of the that well, I guess it's some it's some nervousness but some eagerness to okay, um 1498 01:43:21.560 --> 01:43:24.200 And now I guess not wanting to look like a fool 1499 01:43:25.960 --> 01:43:28.040 Is there a little bit of fear maybe yeah 1500 01:43:29.120 --> 01:43:31.120 Yeah, and that and that's normal 1501 01:43:31.760 --> 01:43:33.760 Show up for sure, you know 1502 01:43:34.000 --> 01:43:35.720 I 1503 01:43:35.720 --> 01:43:43.480 Would spend time with if you think that pattern is happening frequently with you like you're talking to people 1504 01:43:44.000 --> 01:43:45.440 and 1505 01:43:45.440 --> 01:43:51.920 could could how you like if there's some fear there is that coming across and 1506 01:43:52.400 --> 01:43:55.400 Being represented when you're having those conversations with them 1507 01:43:56.440 --> 01:43:58.080 like 1508 01:43:58.080 --> 01:44:00.080 spend time 1509 01:44:02.800 --> 01:44:04.800 Investigating your you know 1510 01:44:05.000 --> 01:44:12.640 With the Lord like okay. Is there something that you want me to see or try differently? So with that 1511 01:44:13.760 --> 01:44:15.760 Tell me the most recent 1512 01:44:17.200 --> 01:44:19.200 Interaction that you have with someone 1513 01:44:19.640 --> 01:44:21.640 what that looked like and 1514 01:44:22.280 --> 01:44:25.880 Then I will see if I can give you some tips on 1515 01:44:27.440 --> 01:44:34.960 What to do differently in the future, well, that's a good question because I'm not it's like I'm not having 1516 01:44:36.600 --> 01:44:41.000 You know, it's like one guy I see every so often okay and 1517 01:44:43.760 --> 01:44:46.400 This is one guy you see every so often in your attracted 1518 01:44:47.520 --> 01:44:54.640 Well, not really attracted, but he's a nice guy. Okay. Um, you're curious to know about him like you're you're like, okay 1519 01:44:54.640 --> 01:45:00.080 I would I would hang out and see what you're about. Yeah, I mean and and so I will see 1520 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.560 see him sometimes, he's leaving the swimming pool, 1521 01:45:03.560 --> 01:45:07.680 I'm going in the swimming pool, or I'll see him at the gym. 1522 01:45:07.680 --> 01:45:10.320 So I'm having, you know, we've had a whole lot 1523 01:45:10.320 --> 01:45:11.240 of conversations. 1524 01:45:11.240 --> 01:45:12.920 I know a lot about him. 1525 01:45:12.920 --> 01:45:14.880 But I guess, you know what, maybe I'm not 1526 01:45:14.880 --> 01:45:16.560 asking people if they're married. 1527 01:45:16.560 --> 01:45:19.440 Maybe that's what it is, or if they've got a girlfriend. 1528 01:45:19.440 --> 01:45:23.200 Maybe that's just he, when you all see each other, 1529 01:45:23.200 --> 01:45:25.080 and you guys are having lots of conversation, 1530 01:45:25.080 --> 01:45:26.520 so there's communication there. 1531 01:45:26.520 --> 01:45:27.440 That's good. 1532 01:45:27.440 --> 01:45:31.920 Is he sometimes the one that recognizes you and says, hey? 1533 01:45:31.920 --> 01:45:36.320 Or is it always you saying, hey, and starting the conversation? 1534 01:45:36.320 --> 01:45:38.720 I think it's probably almost at the same time. 1535 01:45:38.720 --> 01:45:41.400 Because it's kind of, you know what I'm saying, 1536 01:45:41.400 --> 01:45:45.000 it's hit or miss. 1537 01:45:45.000 --> 01:45:46.120 Yes. 1538 01:45:46.120 --> 01:45:49.280 Do you know anything that he is interested in, that he likes? 1539 01:45:49.280 --> 01:45:52.480 Like, what do you know about him? 1540 01:45:52.480 --> 01:45:56.600 I know that he's got grown children. 1541 01:45:56.600 --> 01:46:04.400 And I know that he works for DC government. 1542 01:46:04.400 --> 01:46:06.160 Well, I know that he's lost weight. 1543 01:46:06.160 --> 01:46:07.240 So we talked about that. 1544 01:46:07.240 --> 01:46:09.080 Because I'm like, how are you losing weight? 1545 01:46:09.080 --> 01:46:10.400 And I'm not losing weight. 1546 01:46:10.400 --> 01:46:12.720 So we talked about that. 1547 01:46:12.720 --> 01:46:13.240 I guess. 1548 01:46:13.240 --> 01:46:15.760 He's probably taking a change. 1549 01:46:15.760 --> 01:46:18.920 It's like, everybody's on that. 1550 01:46:18.920 --> 01:46:21.280 Now, what he said, and it made sense. 1551 01:46:21.280 --> 01:46:23.080 He said, I cut the carbs. 1552 01:46:23.080 --> 01:46:25.680 I cut the juice. 1553 01:46:25.680 --> 01:46:30.080 Because most men don't have the sugar thing that we have. 1554 01:46:30.080 --> 01:46:31.400 A lot of the females have. 1555 01:46:31.400 --> 01:46:32.360 But he is. 1556 01:46:32.360 --> 01:46:34.200 Men just lose weight way easier than. 1557 01:46:34.200 --> 01:46:34.720 Yeah. 1558 01:46:34.720 --> 01:46:37.120 Yeah. 1559 01:46:37.120 --> 01:46:40.320 And I mean, I know I've even seen him. 1560 01:46:40.320 --> 01:46:41.760 It was one Christmas. 1561 01:46:41.760 --> 01:46:43.680 And so I saw him at the UPS store. 1562 01:46:43.680 --> 01:46:45.200 And I didn't even recognize him. 1563 01:46:45.200 --> 01:46:47.560 I was fussing about something else. 1564 01:46:47.560 --> 01:46:49.040 And then he showed up. 1565 01:46:49.040 --> 01:46:51.680 I was like, oh, I know you. 1566 01:46:51.680 --> 01:46:53.400 But we have good conversation. 1567 01:46:53.520 --> 01:46:59.440 But I think somehow or another, what I'm finding out, 1568 01:46:59.440 --> 01:47:04.680 and I even found out on Sunday, one guy, he comes over 1569 01:47:04.680 --> 01:47:05.440 and he talks. 1570 01:47:05.440 --> 01:47:07.760 But there's another lady over there that's probably 1571 01:47:07.760 --> 01:47:09.440 more his age that he talks to. 1572 01:47:09.440 --> 01:47:11.240 But he'll talk, talk, talk. 1573 01:47:11.240 --> 01:47:12.440 And so we were talking. 1574 01:47:12.440 --> 01:47:14.760 And man, I didn't know a whole lot about him. 1575 01:47:14.760 --> 01:47:15.800 So we talked. 1576 01:47:15.800 --> 01:47:19.240 And I said, hey, you interested in getting married? 1577 01:47:19.240 --> 01:47:21.480 And he said, no, I'm not interested in getting married. 1578 01:47:21.520 --> 01:47:25.440 Because I told him, I said, I've got plenty of girlfriends 1579 01:47:25.440 --> 01:47:26.000 and stuff. 1580 01:47:26.000 --> 01:47:29.760 And he's a nice guy, really another nice guy and stuff. 1581 01:47:29.760 --> 01:47:34.480 So what I'm realizing is a lot of times, men will talk to me. 1582 01:47:34.480 --> 01:47:35.200 They'll talk. 1583 01:47:35.200 --> 01:47:36.040 They're friendly. 1584 01:47:36.040 --> 01:47:39.000 But they really are not interested in a relationship 1585 01:47:39.000 --> 01:47:41.720 and in marriage or in dating. 1586 01:47:41.720 --> 01:47:44.520 So that's kind of what I think I'm coming up against, 1587 01:47:44.520 --> 01:47:49.440 that we've got good, we have good conversation. 1588 01:47:49.440 --> 01:47:52.480 And I don't think I'm a bad-looking person. 1589 01:47:52.480 --> 01:47:55.680 So I'm a bad-looking woman. 1590 01:47:55.680 --> 01:47:56.640 But that's what I think. 1591 01:47:56.640 --> 01:48:00.520 I think that maybe they're just being friendly. 1592 01:48:00.520 --> 01:48:03.200 OK. 1593 01:48:03.200 --> 01:48:04.960 And I'm just misreading signals. 1594 01:48:04.960 --> 01:48:10.920 I want to address the, be careful with aligning 1595 01:48:10.920 --> 01:48:14.440 with the, I'm coming up against something. 1596 01:48:14.440 --> 01:48:17.760 I don't want you thinking and coming in alignment 1597 01:48:17.760 --> 01:48:20.960 that it's going to be difficult and hard. 1598 01:48:20.960 --> 01:48:27.000 I feel really strong in sharing that with you. 1599 01:48:27.000 --> 01:48:30.120 Because ladies, when we look at something as it being hard, 1600 01:48:30.120 --> 01:48:32.440 it will be hard. 1601 01:48:32.440 --> 01:48:35.000 That's the lens that we're looking at it. 1602 01:48:35.000 --> 01:48:37.640 So if I rephrase it to say, I am learning 1603 01:48:37.640 --> 01:48:41.680 how to be comfortable in my own skin 1604 01:48:41.680 --> 01:48:45.880 when I'm talking to men, I was going 1605 01:48:45.880 --> 01:48:47.560 to say men of the opposite sex. 1606 01:48:48.560 --> 01:48:53.560 But of men, I'm becoming more comfortable 1607 01:48:53.560 --> 01:48:59.320 and being myself and flirting. 1608 01:48:59.320 --> 01:49:01.480 Because I thought I was a pretty good flirt. 1609 01:49:01.480 --> 01:49:05.320 But somehow or another, I'm being misread signals 1610 01:49:05.320 --> 01:49:06.520 all over the place. 1611 01:49:06.520 --> 01:49:08.280 So this is what I would encourage. 1612 01:49:08.280 --> 01:49:10.600 Because instead of coming out the gate 1613 01:49:10.600 --> 01:49:14.320 and talking about the marriage stuff, 1614 01:49:14.320 --> 01:49:18.040 because again, some men, depending on their ages, 1615 01:49:18.040 --> 01:49:22.080 some men might just be like, no, I'm not going to get married, 1616 01:49:22.080 --> 01:49:24.720 or I'm not going to get married again, or I did that 1617 01:49:24.720 --> 01:49:25.880 and not going to do it again. 1618 01:49:25.880 --> 01:49:27.720 Yeah, I don't start off like that. 1619 01:49:27.720 --> 01:49:29.280 Trust me. 1620 01:49:29.280 --> 01:49:34.440 I would start leaning into learning about what 1621 01:49:34.440 --> 01:49:35.920 things that they like. 1622 01:49:35.920 --> 01:49:40.400 So this guy that you see at the pool and the gym and stuff, 1623 01:49:40.400 --> 01:49:41.480 he's grown children. 1624 01:49:41.480 --> 01:49:43.640 He works in the DC government. 1625 01:49:43.640 --> 01:49:47.080 He's lost some weight. 1626 01:49:47.080 --> 01:49:53.160 Do you know what's a passion of his? 1627 01:49:53.160 --> 01:49:54.800 What does he really enjoy? 1628 01:49:54.800 --> 01:49:58.440 And does he have a big hobby that he's into? 1629 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.400 Is there a certain type of food that he's like, 1630 01:50:03.440 --> 01:50:04.440 does he travel a lot? 1631 01:50:08.440 --> 01:50:12.280 What interesting things do you know about him? 1632 01:50:12.280 --> 01:50:14.040 Well, I know that he's traveled. 1633 01:50:14.040 --> 01:50:16.600 So he did say something about that. 1634 01:50:16.600 --> 01:50:17.840 I wonder if he said something, 1635 01:50:17.840 --> 01:50:19.960 maybe he did say something about some food, 1636 01:50:19.960 --> 01:50:20.920 because I should have asked him, 1637 01:50:20.920 --> 01:50:22.200 do you know how to cook? 1638 01:50:22.200 --> 01:50:25.320 I mean, what's your favorite restaurant 1639 01:50:25.320 --> 01:50:26.400 or something like that? 1640 01:50:26.400 --> 01:50:27.240 There you go. 1641 01:50:27.240 --> 01:50:30.080 Okay, so now you've got two topics 1642 01:50:30.080 --> 01:50:33.440 that you can now see if that can lead 1643 01:50:33.440 --> 01:50:35.440 into a bigger connection. 1644 01:50:35.440 --> 01:50:39.560 So if you know he's traveled, 1645 01:50:39.560 --> 01:50:43.500 do you have any trips that you wanna go on anytime soon? 1646 01:50:47.960 --> 01:50:52.520 Now you sounding like those Facebook dates. 1647 01:50:52.520 --> 01:50:54.160 Do you have a passport? 1648 01:50:54.160 --> 01:50:57.520 I'm like, look, I'm not even trying to get that far. 1649 01:50:57.520 --> 01:50:58.880 It could just be something nearby. 1650 01:50:58.880 --> 01:51:02.000 Like, you know, where do you live? 1651 01:51:02.000 --> 01:51:03.720 Do you live in New York, DC? 1652 01:51:03.720 --> 01:51:06.600 Yeah, that's a lot of stuff to do here. 1653 01:51:06.600 --> 01:51:07.440 That's what I'm saying. 1654 01:51:07.440 --> 01:51:08.400 Not a shortage of things. 1655 01:51:08.400 --> 01:51:09.240 That's for sure. 1656 01:51:09.240 --> 01:51:11.160 You could be like, look, like, 1657 01:51:11.160 --> 01:51:13.840 you're from here and you've traveled a lot. 1658 01:51:15.800 --> 01:51:17.200 I'm just thinking about going 1659 01:51:17.200 --> 01:51:19.400 and doing something just locally. 1660 01:51:19.400 --> 01:51:24.040 What, as a traveler, if you were traveling here, 1661 01:51:24.920 --> 01:51:26.600 what would you do for fun? 1662 01:51:30.360 --> 01:51:33.080 Or like, if you have, like, you know what? 1663 01:51:33.080 --> 01:51:36.360 Like, someone was asking me the other day, 1664 01:51:36.360 --> 01:51:39.680 like they were gonna come to this area 1665 01:51:39.680 --> 01:51:41.560 and they asked me like, 1666 01:51:41.560 --> 01:51:43.960 what are some things that I would do around here? 1667 01:51:43.960 --> 01:51:46.240 And I'm curious what, 1668 01:51:46.240 --> 01:51:48.200 I know some things that I would suggest, 1669 01:51:48.200 --> 01:51:51.480 but I'm curious, what things would you suggest 1670 01:51:51.480 --> 01:51:53.920 to people to do around our area? 1671 01:51:54.800 --> 01:51:56.840 That's a good, good starter question. 1672 01:51:56.840 --> 01:51:57.680 So thank you. 1673 01:51:57.680 --> 01:51:58.520 Thank you. 1674 01:51:58.520 --> 01:51:59.360 Oh, then he can tell, 1675 01:51:59.360 --> 01:52:04.080 maybe he tells you something about like a museum or a park 1676 01:52:04.080 --> 01:52:07.280 or something really cool that you never heard about. 1677 01:52:07.280 --> 01:52:10.040 And you'd be like, oh, that does sound like fun. 1678 01:52:10.040 --> 01:52:12.040 Maybe I should try that out sometime. 1679 01:52:13.040 --> 01:52:14.840 And then you can go try it out 1680 01:52:14.840 --> 01:52:16.480 and then you guys can go talk about it. 1681 01:52:16.480 --> 01:52:20.640 Or you can say, ah, I was thinking about next weekend 1682 01:52:20.640 --> 01:52:23.240 going to that place that you were telling me about. 1683 01:52:23.560 --> 01:52:25.560 Do you wanna come spend some time with me 1684 01:52:25.560 --> 01:52:26.960 to go and do that? 1685 01:52:29.320 --> 01:52:30.800 See how that's dropping a hanky? 1686 01:52:30.800 --> 01:52:31.800 Yeah, I guess. 1687 01:52:31.800 --> 01:52:34.080 But I think my thing is, 1688 01:52:34.080 --> 01:52:35.520 I don't know whether, 1689 01:52:35.520 --> 01:52:38.440 he could be married or separated or whatever. 1690 01:52:38.440 --> 01:52:39.280 And guess what? 1691 01:52:39.280 --> 01:52:41.400 If he is, he'll say so. 1692 01:52:41.400 --> 01:52:42.640 He gets to tell you that. 1693 01:52:42.640 --> 01:52:43.480 Yeah. 1694 01:52:43.480 --> 01:52:44.600 Because right now you're not, 1695 01:52:44.600 --> 01:52:48.480 you are inviting, you're just having conversation. 1696 01:52:49.960 --> 01:52:51.760 Conversation. 1697 01:52:51.760 --> 01:52:52.640 And then when you ask him 1698 01:52:53.040 --> 01:52:54.440 and you could be like, oh, 1699 01:52:54.440 --> 01:52:56.440 I'm sorry, that sounded really forward. 1700 01:52:57.760 --> 01:52:59.360 I apologize. 1701 01:52:59.360 --> 01:53:01.080 You could be married. 1702 01:53:01.080 --> 01:53:02.000 My fault. 1703 01:53:03.040 --> 01:53:04.000 You see how you can say that? 1704 01:53:04.000 --> 01:53:06.760 I'm sorry if that was really forward. 1705 01:53:06.760 --> 01:53:09.560 I guess I should have asked if you were married. 1706 01:53:09.560 --> 01:53:11.320 And then he'd be like, yeah, I am. 1707 01:53:11.320 --> 01:53:14.080 Or no, no, I'm not, I'm divorced. 1708 01:53:14.080 --> 01:53:17.920 Or oh, nope, I was engaged once 1709 01:53:17.920 --> 01:53:21.320 and then she left me at the altar. 1710 01:53:21.840 --> 01:53:22.680 I don't know. 1711 01:53:22.680 --> 01:53:23.520 Do you know? 1712 01:53:23.520 --> 01:53:25.520 Do you see how that can kind of, 1713 01:53:25.520 --> 01:53:28.440 you get to, there's some curiosity there. 1714 01:53:28.440 --> 01:53:30.920 You get to ask questions. 1715 01:53:30.920 --> 01:53:33.440 But do you see how you're asking questions 1716 01:53:33.440 --> 01:53:37.000 that can now lead to more opportunity 1717 01:53:37.000 --> 01:53:38.480 for engagement and connection 1718 01:53:38.480 --> 01:53:40.920 and possible get together? 1719 01:53:40.920 --> 01:53:41.760 Okay, that's helpful. 1720 01:53:41.760 --> 01:53:42.960 So it's like the same thing with the food. 1721 01:53:42.960 --> 01:53:46.480 Oh, would you care to go try 1722 01:53:46.480 --> 01:53:48.920 this Italian restaurant with me sometime? 1723 01:53:48.960 --> 01:53:52.960 Or go grab breakfast at this breakfast place 1724 01:53:52.960 --> 01:53:57.320 that opened up 15 minutes across town. 1725 01:53:59.080 --> 01:54:00.520 Yeah, that helps. 1726 01:54:00.520 --> 01:54:01.960 This helps me because I've- 1727 01:54:01.960 --> 01:54:02.880 That's how we sometimes drop. 1728 01:54:02.880 --> 01:54:03.720 Because guess what? 1729 01:54:03.720 --> 01:54:06.280 Some men are not very forward. 1730 01:54:07.600 --> 01:54:09.160 Sometimes they're nervous. 1731 01:54:09.160 --> 01:54:10.400 Sometimes they're- 1732 01:54:10.400 --> 01:54:11.440 That's what I'm finding, 1733 01:54:11.440 --> 01:54:12.960 especially with the saved ones. 1734 01:54:12.960 --> 01:54:14.960 The unsaved don't have any issues, 1735 01:54:14.960 --> 01:54:17.360 but the saved men, I'm like, 1736 01:54:17.360 --> 01:54:19.920 am I that intimidated? 1737 01:54:19.920 --> 01:54:21.520 No, we live in a world 1738 01:54:21.520 --> 01:54:22.840 where women have made it very, 1739 01:54:22.840 --> 01:54:24.560 very difficult for men to be men. 1740 01:54:28.520 --> 01:54:30.720 Yeah, well, I mean, I- 1741 01:54:30.720 --> 01:54:33.160 That was like, everyone was silent there. 1742 01:54:33.160 --> 01:54:36.040 I mean, we do live in a society 1743 01:54:36.040 --> 01:54:38.960 where like men don't know sometimes 1744 01:54:38.960 --> 01:54:43.960 if women are going to be defensive with them 1745 01:54:44.320 --> 01:54:46.720 if they show interest. 1746 01:54:47.680 --> 01:54:49.400 But if we're making eye contact 1747 01:54:49.400 --> 01:54:51.560 and we've been doing it for months, 1748 01:54:51.560 --> 01:54:52.400 what more do we need? 1749 01:54:52.400 --> 01:54:54.000 But if they've been hurt, 1750 01:54:54.000 --> 01:54:55.840 or if they've been, you know- 1751 01:54:55.840 --> 01:54:57.080 And we all have been hurt. 1752 01:54:57.080 --> 01:54:58.000 I know. 1753 01:54:58.000 --> 01:54:59.480 Trust me, I get it. 1754 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.360 I know. 1755 01:55:01.360 --> 01:55:02.320 But thank you. 1756 01:55:02.320 --> 01:55:04.320 This was helpful. 1757 01:55:04.320 --> 01:55:05.440 So just asking, asking. 1758 01:55:05.440 --> 01:55:11.520 Keep me updated about, we need a nickname for this pool guy. 1759 01:55:11.520 --> 01:55:12.840 Well, his name is Chuck. 1760 01:55:12.840 --> 01:55:14.680 I do know his name. 1761 01:55:14.680 --> 01:55:15.760 Name is Chuck. 1762 01:55:15.760 --> 01:55:17.200 I don't know what his last name is. 1763 01:55:17.200 --> 01:55:18.800 Do we call him like Chuck the Cabana Boy? 1764 01:55:22.040 --> 01:55:23.800 Back when I was in the community, 1765 01:55:23.800 --> 01:55:26.880 we gave nicknames to all the guys 1766 01:55:26.880 --> 01:55:28.000 that we went on dates with. 1767 01:55:28.000 --> 01:55:29.840 It was just fun that way. 1768 01:55:30.800 --> 01:55:35.440 I want to hear more details about Chuck the Cabana Boy 1769 01:55:35.440 --> 01:55:37.080 and how flirting is going with him. 1770 01:55:37.080 --> 01:55:38.920 So keep us updated. 1771 01:55:38.920 --> 01:55:39.680 OK, all right. 1772 01:55:39.680 --> 01:55:40.800 Thank you. 1773 01:55:40.800 --> 01:55:41.880 All right. 1774 01:55:41.880 --> 01:55:42.560 All right. 1775 01:55:42.560 --> 01:55:44.400 Other Cynthia and Joanne, if we could, 1776 01:55:44.400 --> 01:55:47.200 we are coming up on that. 1777 01:55:47.200 --> 01:55:48.480 Definitely spend a lot of time. 1778 01:55:48.480 --> 01:55:51.440 But I want to, I'm going to, I'm going to take one for the team 1779 01:55:51.440 --> 01:55:54.200 and say this is on me, on me. 1780 01:55:54.200 --> 01:55:58.400 So but I want to, I want to hear what your questions are. 1781 01:55:58.400 --> 01:56:02.000 So what you got for me? 1782 01:56:02.000 --> 01:56:03.920 Oh, bless you. 1783 01:56:03.920 --> 01:56:06.520 Thank you. 1784 01:56:06.520 --> 01:56:09.560 So I'm in this, in the relationship 1785 01:56:09.560 --> 01:56:12.560 I've been in for two years and two months, right? 1786 01:56:12.560 --> 01:56:13.920 Yes. 1787 01:56:13.920 --> 01:56:19.400 And so back, I think it was probably in March, actually. 1788 01:56:19.400 --> 01:56:22.720 We decided that by the end of June, 1789 01:56:22.720 --> 01:56:26.560 we would have a kind of cut off where we would just say, 1790 01:56:26.560 --> 01:56:28.760 decision time. 1791 01:56:28.760 --> 01:56:32.480 End of March was our two year anniversary. 1792 01:56:32.480 --> 01:56:33.080 OK. 1793 01:56:33.080 --> 01:56:36.400 And yeah. 1794 01:56:36.400 --> 01:56:38.760 And now I'm kind of really feeling it 1795 01:56:38.760 --> 01:56:42.640 because the end of June is now close. 1796 01:56:42.640 --> 01:56:45.880 And I mean, he's been really patient. 1797 01:56:45.880 --> 01:56:51.000 And I just don't know how to get myself over the line. 1798 01:56:51.000 --> 01:56:54.040 It just seems like, to me, such a huge decision. 1799 01:56:54.040 --> 01:56:56.560 I mean, he's not saying let's get married straight away. 1800 01:56:56.560 --> 01:56:59.720 But he's a teacher, so he gets big summer holidays. 1801 01:56:59.720 --> 01:57:02.680 And so he's like saying, you know, 1802 01:57:02.680 --> 01:57:05.080 then I would come because we live in different countries. 1803 01:57:05.080 --> 01:57:07.360 I would come to you for six weeks. 1804 01:57:07.360 --> 01:57:10.600 I even have somewhere that he could stay nearby 1805 01:57:10.600 --> 01:57:12.120 and spend his whole six weeks there. 1806 01:57:12.120 --> 01:57:13.880 And I could potentially, I have a job 1807 01:57:13.880 --> 01:57:17.760 where I can take unpaid leave. 1808 01:57:17.760 --> 01:57:20.680 So I could potentially then take after that, say like a month 1809 01:57:20.680 --> 01:57:26.080 or two or six weeks, and go and stay somewhere near him. 1810 01:57:26.080 --> 01:57:32.280 But it means that it's like another step forward. 1811 01:57:32.280 --> 01:57:38.160 And I feel like I should have more clarity before I do that. 1812 01:57:38.160 --> 01:57:41.480 I actually went to see him last week. 1813 01:57:41.480 --> 01:57:44.760 How often do you guys see each other? 1814 01:57:44.760 --> 01:57:45.760 Yeah. 1815 01:57:45.760 --> 01:57:47.920 So it's been kind of sporadic. 1816 01:57:47.920 --> 01:57:52.480 So we talk every day in some form. 1817 01:57:52.480 --> 01:57:55.400 Sometimes it's voice messages and video messages. 1818 01:57:55.400 --> 01:58:00.880 And maybe two, three times a week, it's live conversations, video chat. 1819 01:58:00.880 --> 01:58:04.000 But yeah, we see each other. 1820 01:58:04.000 --> 01:58:06.440 I just spent the whole of last week with him. 1821 01:58:06.440 --> 01:58:08.440 I went over there. 1822 01:58:08.440 --> 01:58:12.080 It was his, he had a week off school holiday. 1823 01:58:12.080 --> 01:58:13.840 OK. 1824 01:58:13.960 --> 01:58:18.000 And otherwise, maybe it's one or two weekends a month. 1825 01:58:18.000 --> 01:58:20.440 I will go there or he will come here. 1826 01:58:20.440 --> 01:58:23.920 So you're seeing each other once a month? 1827 01:58:23.920 --> 01:58:24.720 Yeah. 1828 01:58:24.720 --> 01:58:25.040 OK. 1829 01:58:25.040 --> 01:58:25.800 Yeah. 1830 01:58:25.800 --> 01:58:29.280 Costing a fortune in hotels and flights and everything else. 1831 01:58:29.280 --> 01:58:31.760 But yeah. 1832 01:58:31.760 --> 01:58:32.960 And let me ask you this. 1833 01:58:32.960 --> 01:58:42.080 If, you know, you continue on, what would relocating look like? 1834 01:58:42.080 --> 01:58:45.560 Who would relocate? 1835 01:58:45.560 --> 01:58:46.800 Yeah, it's difficult in theory. 1836 01:58:46.800 --> 01:58:51.160 He's willing to come here because he can teach in the international system. 1837 01:58:51.160 --> 01:58:53.040 He would teach in an English language school. 1838 01:58:53.040 --> 01:58:57.800 But he's applied for jobs and has not got anything. 1839 01:58:57.800 --> 01:59:04.280 It's really weirdly, he has not even got, often doesn't even get a reply or a reason why. 1840 01:59:04.280 --> 01:59:06.400 And then he's asked for feedback on why. 1841 01:59:06.400 --> 01:59:10.920 Whereas in Britain, where he is, he's never had an issue with that. 1842 01:59:10.920 --> 01:59:13.280 And in fact, his last contract went to an end. 1843 01:59:13.280 --> 01:59:15.720 He applied for jobs there and here and there. 1844 01:59:15.720 --> 01:59:19.040 He got loads of offers for interviews, got a job straight away. 1845 01:59:19.040 --> 01:59:21.200 Here, there was nothing at all. 1846 01:59:21.200 --> 01:59:24.520 And you're in Germany, right? 1847 01:59:24.520 --> 01:59:25.240 I'm in Germany. 1848 01:59:25.240 --> 01:59:26.440 I'm in Berlin. 1849 01:59:26.440 --> 01:59:28.240 So there's actually, you know, in the capital. 1850 01:59:28.240 --> 01:59:31.320 So there's actually a number of international schools here. 1851 01:59:31.320 --> 01:59:35.840 There's also other schools in other close by cities. 1852 01:59:35.840 --> 01:59:37.600 So there are lots of options in theory. 1853 01:59:37.600 --> 01:59:40.680 And every time a job comes up and he's a physics teacher and they're like really 1854 01:59:40.680 --> 01:59:42.120 sought after. 1855 01:59:42.120 --> 01:59:45.320 So every time he applies for nothing. 1856 01:59:45.320 --> 01:59:47.720 So it's almost like that door isn't open. 1857 01:59:47.720 --> 01:59:53.720 It's not out of the effort of him trying to get there so that you guys can be. 1858 01:59:53.720 --> 01:59:55.960 No, no, he's keen. 1859 01:59:55.960 --> 01:59:56.760 That's what I wonder. 1860 01:59:56.760 --> 01:59:59.560 Like, I wonder, like, is it hard for you to even. 1861 02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.520 see what that step moving forward would be like 1862 02:00:04.520 --> 02:00:09.000 if you're living in the same country 1863 02:00:09.000 --> 02:00:12.640 or able to see what that would look like. 1864 02:00:12.640 --> 02:00:14.440 Well, like I said, we could temporarily, 1865 02:00:14.440 --> 02:00:17.960 although both of us would be in a situation. 1866 02:00:17.960 --> 02:00:20.160 You know, when he comes here, he would have holiday. 1867 02:00:20.160 --> 02:00:22.320 People say it needs to be more like your everyday life, 1868 02:00:22.320 --> 02:00:23.160 right? 1869 02:00:23.160 --> 02:00:25.240 But when he comes here, he would be his holiday. 1870 02:00:25.240 --> 02:00:26.160 I would be his holiday. 1871 02:00:26.160 --> 02:00:27.000 He would be our holiday. 1872 02:00:27.000 --> 02:00:29.640 What are your thoughts about being able to do that 1873 02:00:29.680 --> 02:00:34.080 then sooner rather than later 1874 02:00:34.080 --> 02:00:36.520 so that you guys are consistently around each other 1875 02:00:36.520 --> 02:00:39.240 and kind of see how y'all interact? 1876 02:00:39.240 --> 02:00:40.080 And- 1877 02:00:40.080 --> 02:00:42.040 Yeah, I mean, his school holidays start mid-July 1878 02:00:42.040 --> 02:00:43.680 till early September. 1879 02:00:43.680 --> 02:00:44.520 And then- 1880 02:00:44.520 --> 02:00:48.400 I think if the two of you can talk about that 1881 02:00:48.400 --> 02:00:50.640 and see if that seems, you know, 1882 02:00:50.640 --> 02:00:55.640 you both feel that God is saying that that is an option 1883 02:00:56.720 --> 02:00:57.880 and it's doable. 1884 02:00:57.880 --> 02:01:00.240 I would strongly suggest that. 1885 02:01:00.240 --> 02:01:05.240 So that way you can see what spending time with each other 1886 02:01:07.320 --> 02:01:11.440 consistently longer than just like a one week time, 1887 02:01:11.440 --> 02:01:15.240 but several weeks, if not like a month or more 1888 02:01:15.240 --> 02:01:16.920 would look like 1889 02:01:16.920 --> 02:01:20.760 just so that you could start building that connection 1890 02:01:20.760 --> 02:01:24.480 of what that intimacy looks like 1891 02:01:24.480 --> 02:01:26.480 getting to know someone that's close by. 1892 02:01:28.880 --> 02:01:33.880 And then from there, see what surfaces internally 1893 02:01:35.440 --> 02:01:38.520 with what you're feeling and experiencing. 1894 02:01:38.520 --> 02:01:40.920 If there's anything that needs to be revealed that, 1895 02:01:40.920 --> 02:01:44.680 you know, oh, this is why I just can't seem to 1896 02:01:44.680 --> 02:01:46.320 feel ready to move forward 1897 02:01:46.320 --> 02:01:49.800 or this is why I'm feeling it's a step back 1898 02:01:49.800 --> 02:01:52.400 or you'll get to, 1899 02:01:52.400 --> 02:01:57.400 with you being intentionally near each other, 1900 02:01:58.280 --> 02:01:59.720 more consistently, 1901 02:02:01.000 --> 02:02:02.720 it's going to be more highlighted. 1902 02:02:02.720 --> 02:02:04.440 And so then you actually get, 1903 02:02:05.520 --> 02:02:08.720 you get to actually experience it. 1904 02:02:08.720 --> 02:02:10.560 Does that make sense? 1905 02:02:10.560 --> 02:02:11.400 Yeah. 1906 02:02:11.400 --> 02:02:13.760 I mean, my concern is I just, 1907 02:02:14.800 --> 02:02:15.920 I feel like I should know, 1908 02:02:15.920 --> 02:02:18.800 but I just don't know if I know. 1909 02:02:18.800 --> 02:02:19.640 That's what I'm saying. 1910 02:02:19.640 --> 02:02:20.480 And I don't want you to, 1911 02:02:20.480 --> 02:02:22.440 I mean, cause you've spent two years, 1912 02:02:22.440 --> 02:02:23.440 you know, two years and two- 1913 02:02:23.440 --> 02:02:24.280 I know. 1914 02:02:24.280 --> 02:02:25.120 I know. 1915 02:02:25.120 --> 02:02:25.960 It's like, you know, 1916 02:02:26.080 --> 02:02:27.760 I can't imagine why I keep spending 1917 02:02:27.760 --> 02:02:29.360 and stretching this out anymore. 1918 02:02:29.360 --> 02:02:30.520 I mean, that's two years is a lot of time. 1919 02:02:30.520 --> 02:02:33.840 Yeah, and also by us spending intensive amounts of time 1920 02:02:33.840 --> 02:02:37.560 together because he's very sure and he really loves me. 1921 02:02:37.560 --> 02:02:38.400 And I always thought, 1922 02:02:38.400 --> 02:02:40.800 I feel like by spending intentional time together, 1923 02:02:40.800 --> 02:02:42.080 all that time- 1924 02:02:42.080 --> 02:02:42.920 That's what I'm saying. 1925 02:02:42.920 --> 02:02:44.680 I think if you put yourself in a situation where- 1926 02:02:44.680 --> 02:02:47.000 Where it's going to say, actually- 1927 02:02:47.000 --> 02:02:49.280 Yeah, where if you're spending time 1928 02:02:49.280 --> 02:02:51.920 in the actual situation where you're being intentional, 1929 02:02:51.920 --> 02:02:55.800 like that might be able to help you uncover 1930 02:02:56.640 --> 02:02:59.160 what the holdup is in you, 1931 02:02:59.160 --> 02:03:02.520 or it might just realize it really is just about 1932 02:03:03.560 --> 02:03:05.240 we need to be around each other. 1933 02:03:06.360 --> 02:03:08.600 It might be hard to connect to somebody emotionally 1934 02:03:08.600 --> 02:03:11.560 if you're not physically around them consistently. 1935 02:03:12.560 --> 02:03:13.400 And doing- 1936 02:03:13.400 --> 02:03:16.320 We did have, we did have two years ago, 1937 02:03:16.320 --> 02:03:17.280 I was at DC. 1938 02:03:17.280 --> 02:03:18.600 The summer before last, 1939 02:03:18.600 --> 02:03:22.760 we spent, again, by being in each other's countries 1940 02:03:22.760 --> 02:03:24.080 during his summer holidays, 1941 02:03:24.080 --> 02:03:25.400 part of the time I took holiday, 1942 02:03:26.000 --> 02:03:27.280 part of the time I was working, 1943 02:03:27.280 --> 02:03:29.760 but we spent most, on and off, 1944 02:03:29.760 --> 02:03:31.160 most of six weeks together, 1945 02:03:31.160 --> 02:03:32.000 but in different countries. 1946 02:03:32.000 --> 02:03:34.280 But we were kind of always in holiday mode. 1947 02:03:34.280 --> 02:03:35.680 People say that's not what you're supposed to do, 1948 02:03:35.680 --> 02:03:38.240 but it's kind of difficult because you can't, 1949 02:03:38.240 --> 02:03:39.960 if you're not working, you're on holiday. 1950 02:03:39.960 --> 02:03:44.080 So, but we went to nice places and we did things. 1951 02:03:44.080 --> 02:03:45.040 He went to see my family. 1952 02:03:45.040 --> 02:03:48.560 That was more difficult for different reasons. 1953 02:03:50.680 --> 02:03:52.200 And yes, and he has some triggers, 1954 02:03:52.200 --> 02:03:53.120 which I struggle with, 1955 02:03:53.400 --> 02:03:54.360 but I kind of, 1956 02:03:54.360 --> 02:03:56.080 I tried to address those last week when I was with him. 1957 02:03:56.080 --> 02:03:56.920 That didn't go so well. 1958 02:03:56.920 --> 02:03:58.600 I think I didn't do that so wisely, 1959 02:03:58.600 --> 02:04:00.760 but that's maybe a question for another time. 1960 02:04:00.760 --> 02:04:04.360 I think my biggest thing is, do I actually love him? 1961 02:04:04.360 --> 02:04:05.440 I just don't know. 1962 02:04:05.440 --> 02:04:06.280 I just don't know. 1963 02:04:06.280 --> 02:04:07.160 We get on well. 1964 02:04:07.160 --> 02:04:08.600 We have lots in common. 1965 02:04:09.800 --> 02:04:11.000 He makes me laugh. 1966 02:04:11.000 --> 02:04:12.960 We have lots of common interests. 1967 02:04:12.960 --> 02:04:14.760 I really, he prays for me every day 1968 02:04:14.760 --> 02:04:16.560 and I've really benefited from that. 1969 02:04:17.720 --> 02:04:22.480 I can see real signs of the way I've benefited from that. 1970 02:04:23.360 --> 02:04:25.920 I'd love to share it with you all. 1971 02:04:25.920 --> 02:04:28.280 So, as I'm really grateful for that, 1972 02:04:28.280 --> 02:04:30.040 I just don't know. 1973 02:04:30.040 --> 02:04:33.000 Surely, you know, I should feel more. 1974 02:04:33.000 --> 02:04:37.760 We met a guy at church last Sunday, one of the leaders, 1975 02:04:37.760 --> 02:04:40.480 and then Tuk sent me the message 1976 02:04:40.480 --> 02:04:43.560 that he'd sent to him afterwards. 1977 02:04:43.560 --> 02:04:46.160 And he'd written, so this guy had written to Tuk saying, 1978 02:04:46.160 --> 02:04:48.360 oh, you know, so loved together 1979 02:04:48.360 --> 02:04:50.120 and you seem like such a great couple. 1980 02:04:50.160 --> 02:04:53.720 It must be such a wrench now to be apart again. 1981 02:04:53.720 --> 02:04:55.280 And I thought, no. 1982 02:04:55.280 --> 02:04:58.840 I'm used to it, especially if you've gotten 1983 02:04:58.840 --> 02:05:00.400 into that rhythm though, where. 1984 02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:07.040 you, for years, you're used to not being, not near each other. So you've gotten, 1985 02:05:08.160 --> 02:05:12.240 being, I mean, I've been in love so many times, and then it is hard to say goodbye, 1986 02:05:12.240 --> 02:05:18.000 and it is hard to be apart from them. But I don't feel in love that sense. We just, 1987 02:05:18.000 --> 02:05:22.400 but then I keep thinking, well, maybe that was, that was not, you know, that was more the, 1988 02:05:23.120 --> 02:05:31.520 do me a favor, do me a favor, because I really want to help, if I can, in any way to kind of 1989 02:05:31.520 --> 02:05:38.960 help uncover this. If you could sit down and have some time journaling with the Lord this week, 1990 02:05:40.080 --> 02:05:46.240 and then post, like, what, what are the highlighted things that 1991 02:05:47.120 --> 02:05:50.320 you struggle with, with Him, like, that are the triggers? 1992 02:05:52.960 --> 02:06:01.280 Where, where is the fear? Let's start looking at what the fears are, and what the concerns are. 1993 02:06:05.600 --> 02:06:09.200 Because I think, I mean, you've obviously, you've been with Him for two years, so there's some good 1994 02:06:09.440 --> 02:06:17.440 things. We obviously know that. So I want to spend some time where you get to really go and, like, 1995 02:06:18.640 --> 02:06:26.320 go to the Lord with the concerns. Like, Lord, are these concerns that you're showing me because 1996 02:06:26.320 --> 02:06:34.400 you're showing me that I'm not in alignment with this man? Or are you showing me these concerns 1997 02:06:34.400 --> 02:06:40.560 because you're showing me where I need to heal? And so I think, you know, and you don't have to 1998 02:06:40.560 --> 02:06:47.200 tackle them all, but if we get a list, we can look at looking at one of those things, 1999 02:06:48.640 --> 02:06:54.720 and starting there, and seeing, you know, what is God highlighting to you to look at first, 2000 02:06:56.320 --> 02:07:01.920 and we'll see what He wants to reveal. How do you feel about that? 2001 02:07:02.800 --> 02:07:09.920 Okay. And you can, like, if you make a post before the call next week, that way we can kind of look 2002 02:07:09.920 --> 02:07:16.720 at that as well. That way we get some conversation flowing, some back and forth. That really helps. 2003 02:07:16.720 --> 02:07:20.960 Ladies, and that goes for everybody. And ladies, I appreciate y'all stick sticking on. I know this 2004 02:07:20.960 --> 02:07:28.240 is a very, very long call today. I appreciate it. The more y'all respond and post in the app, 2005 02:07:28.240 --> 02:07:33.200 the more we have the opportunity to kind of do back and forth so that when we have these 2006 02:07:33.200 --> 02:07:40.480 group calls, we do actually get to spend time kind of uncovering what we can because we've 2007 02:07:40.480 --> 02:07:51.680 done some of the process offline first. So that's always helpful. That, like, I know several ladies 2008 02:07:51.680 --> 02:07:59.040 have done that. I know, like, Laura's been posting in there. I know Nadine, she's posted 2009 02:07:59.040 --> 02:08:02.960 in there. I think, Mika, you've done that. I've seen Kelly post a lot of things in there. 2010 02:08:03.760 --> 02:08:10.880 I'm just looking at, I think, Joanna, she's put. So when you are sharing with us, and Karen as 2011 02:08:10.880 --> 02:08:16.960 well, like, when you ladies are sharing things with us and walking us through what's going on 2012 02:08:17.040 --> 02:08:23.760 in your life, that when we come on these calls, we can really accelerate some of that growth 2013 02:08:24.320 --> 02:08:32.400 because we're not having to comb through all of the details because we've already 2014 02:08:32.400 --> 02:08:40.080 been working through that on the app, if you will. So that would be, if you can do that for me, 2015 02:08:40.080 --> 02:08:44.400 Cynthia, I think we, I'm going to, I'm going to pray that we're going to get some breakthrough 2016 02:08:44.400 --> 02:08:50.960 in that in hopes that something is going to be revealed so that you can get some relief 2017 02:08:50.960 --> 02:08:56.560 and you can feel at peace with, you know, a decision one way or the other. Yeah. 2018 02:08:58.320 --> 02:09:03.280 Because I can only imagine that's probably, you know, like, I just want to know. 2019 02:09:04.880 --> 02:09:08.880 I'm sure at this point, you're like, I like, whether it's yes or no, I just want the answer, 2020 02:09:08.880 --> 02:09:18.880 right? Yeah. But again, God doesn't always, I feel like I feel like pressure and almost, 2021 02:09:18.880 --> 02:09:24.880 and everybody, like all my friends or his friends, he's hungry. Everybody's going to run. 2022 02:09:28.080 --> 02:09:30.880 God's not going to sit here and say, well, here's the answer. Cause guess what? We get 2023 02:09:30.880 --> 02:09:38.560 free will, we get choice. But I think there's something in that, in the process of discovering 2024 02:09:38.560 --> 02:09:43.360 and it's like, Lord, there's clearly something you want to show me whether it's yes or no, 2025 02:09:43.360 --> 02:09:50.160 there's something very sacred and very special about the relationship that you've shared with 2026 02:09:50.160 --> 02:09:57.600 this person. And so I think that will be honored regardless of what the outcome is. 2027 02:09:58.480 --> 02:09:59.920 But if you're focused on the outcome. 2028 02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:03.560 Like I need to know you this or no, then you're we're gonna miss 2029 02:10:04.240 --> 02:10:07.320 What God is actually trying to show you and so? 2030 02:10:08.040 --> 02:10:12.720 Let's remove the let's remove that. I need to know if it's yes or no 2031 02:10:13.800 --> 02:10:17.760 Let's start asking. What is it that you want to reveal to me Lord? 2032 02:10:20.360 --> 02:10:22.360 Let's do that, I think that's 2033 02:10:23.080 --> 02:10:28.120 That really falls to what was you know, the Lord was really heavy 2034 02:10:28.120 --> 02:10:32.000 On sharing with this community and yes 2035 02:10:34.640 --> 02:10:38.440 And we can even see if we can find you some information about Simba's as well 2036 02:10:39.320 --> 02:10:44.880 Yeah, that's something good. Yeah, let me talk because I think Bethany and Brian are I don't know if they have a 2037 02:10:46.360 --> 02:10:48.360 If they're teaching one right now 2038 02:10:49.200 --> 02:10:53.760 Or if they're going to be I'll have to let me reach out to Bethany and ask her 2039 02:10:53.760 --> 02:10:57.200 Because we can look at that for the two of you as well 2040 02:10:58.160 --> 02:11:04.160 Well, that's that's for us as a couple as a yes, that could be a possibility because that will 2041 02:11:05.800 --> 02:11:07.800 Highlight 2042 02:11:07.840 --> 02:11:11.920 Things that need to be highlighted to be honest. We haven't done a pre-marriage course 2043 02:11:13.280 --> 02:11:15.280 Because someone here in my church 2044 02:11:15.880 --> 02:11:23.000 So if there is like again like if there's things that trigger you and he's not willing to address him and that's kind of maybe where 2045 02:11:23.000 --> 02:11:24.960 the hold-up is 2046 02:11:24.960 --> 02:11:27.920 He's not gonna he's not gonna be able to avoid it 2047 02:11:29.280 --> 02:11:34.680 like it's going to be highlighted there in that course and 2048 02:11:35.520 --> 02:11:37.520 that gets to be like 2049 02:11:37.840 --> 02:11:44.320 You know, it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's 2050 02:11:44.480 --> 02:11:46.480 like 2051 02:11:47.080 --> 02:11:49.340 That gets revealed to you and 2052 02:11:49.820 --> 02:11:54.040 Then you you get to decide like okay. This is how I want to navigate this 2053 02:11:54.040 --> 02:12:00.740 Are you on board with me or not? Like are we in alignment together is you have to be in alignment in marriage? 2054 02:12:01.320 --> 02:12:05.240 You have our you can have disagreements. I mean trust me me my husband don't agree about everything 2055 02:12:05.520 --> 02:12:07.000 trust 2056 02:12:07.000 --> 02:12:07.960 me 2057 02:12:07.960 --> 02:12:13.320 We have two different personalities two different opinions about things like we approach things way differently 2058 02:12:14.040 --> 02:12:16.040 But we're in alignment and 2059 02:12:16.960 --> 02:12:23.920 So that's important like we don't avoid the tough conversations. I mean there might be times where I'm like 2060 02:12:24.560 --> 02:12:29.520 He's just not ready to talk about it, but he knows I'm not gonna not talk about it 2061 02:12:30.080 --> 02:12:33.940 So I'm like, okay, I'll give you your space now, but just know like 2062 02:12:35.120 --> 02:12:39.080 We're we're in agreement that we are always working to get better on ourselves 2063 02:12:39.920 --> 02:12:42.800 So you might not be in a space to work on yourself right now 2064 02:12:43.920 --> 02:12:46.440 but how much how long do you need because 2065 02:12:47.120 --> 02:12:53.400 We can't stay here for the rest of our lives. And so sometimes he's like, you know, just give me a couple months 2066 02:12:53.400 --> 02:12:53.960 I'm like, okay 2067 02:12:53.960 --> 02:12:58.640 I needed a couple months recently where I'm like look I like I even just told my husband 2068 02:12:58.640 --> 02:13:01.320 I'm like look the Lord told me I'm spending 90 days with just the Lord 2069 02:13:02.200 --> 02:13:05.880 Like I'm spending 90 days of intentional time with the Lord. And so I'm like, honey 2070 02:13:05.880 --> 02:13:08.080 I just need you to be mindful of that. I 2071 02:13:09.160 --> 02:13:12.960 I'm gonna wake up each day and I don't know what God's gonna have me do every day 2072 02:13:12.960 --> 02:13:18.440 So I just can you support me in that and he's like, yeah, my husband just started fasting 2073 02:13:20.200 --> 02:13:24.320 Three days out of a week and he's doing that for seven weeks 2074 02:13:25.960 --> 02:13:31.320 And I'm like, well and I asked him I was like do you expect me to fast with you 2075 02:13:35.520 --> 02:13:39.960 Cuz I'm like honey I struggle just to fast one day a week so 2076 02:13:40.960 --> 02:13:42.960 Three days it's all for you. I 2077 02:13:43.880 --> 02:13:47.880 Will do what the Lord says to me, but I will support you in that and I will do whatever I'm like 2078 02:13:47.880 --> 02:13:49.760 What is it that you need from me? 2079 02:13:49.760 --> 02:13:55.520 So that you can make I mean again like there's partnership 2080 02:13:56.080 --> 02:14:01.560 like I'm like, I'm not gonna fast like that like God's not having me fast right now, but 2081 02:14:02.720 --> 02:14:03.880 eventually 2082 02:14:03.880 --> 02:14:09.440 You know if if that's something that he's like, okay. Well we need to fast together then 2083 02:14:09.960 --> 02:14:12.080 well, we'll have that conversation, but 2084 02:14:12.920 --> 02:14:15.080 you'll learn that and send this as 2085 02:14:17.160 --> 02:14:21.760 To like, okay what what needs to get highlighted for sure? 2086 02:14:24.720 --> 02:14:26.720 Okay, thank you 2087 02:14:27.040 --> 02:14:29.360 All right, Joanne. How's everything going with them? 2088 02:14:30.880 --> 02:14:34.760 With the guy that's like not not your typical guy 2089 02:14:35.760 --> 02:14:37.760 Yeah, so 2090 02:14:38.320 --> 02:14:43.720 The there are two guys to put the other the guy that's in the program. We decided not to move for it 2091 02:14:43.720 --> 02:14:46.040 that was actually very awesome how we 2092 02:14:47.280 --> 02:14:54.120 Came to that conclusion, but for the sake of time, I don't need to go into it. It was just like a reminder that God is 2093 02:14:55.040 --> 02:14:59.800 In my dating process, which is really nice 2094 02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.000 Um, so today's my last day in phase two. 2095 02:15:05.000 --> 02:15:11.000 Um, I know they already started removing like all my phase one and phase two. 2096 02:15:11.000 --> 02:15:13.000 It's already gone after I got on the call. 2097 02:15:13.000 --> 02:15:15.000 Um, but I'm on phase three. 2098 02:15:15.000 --> 02:15:16.000 So, and Jackie. 2099 02:15:16.000 --> 02:15:17.000 Okay, good. 2100 02:15:17.000 --> 02:15:18.000 You're already at least. 2101 02:15:18.000 --> 02:15:19.000 Yes. 2102 02:15:19.000 --> 02:15:20.000 Yeah. 2103 02:15:20.000 --> 02:15:28.000 Um, so the question I have is more, um, about pacing with, uh, Matthew is the guy that I asked down and we've been hanging out. 2104 02:15:28.000 --> 02:15:29.000 We like hung out last week. 2105 02:15:29.000 --> 02:15:34.000 We spent like nine and a half hours together. 2106 02:15:34.000 --> 02:15:36.000 I like Matthew. 2107 02:15:36.000 --> 02:15:43.000 We, I think, uh, he's like, he's, this isn't like, this is a new experience for you. 2108 02:15:43.000 --> 02:15:44.000 Oh yeah. 2109 02:15:44.000 --> 02:15:46.000 He's the guy who's like, does he even like me? 2110 02:15:46.000 --> 02:15:47.000 Like he does. 2111 02:15:47.000 --> 02:15:52.000 He's the opposite of all the past guys I've dated that were not good. 2112 02:15:52.000 --> 02:15:54.000 They would love bomb, like go too fast. 2113 02:15:54.000 --> 02:15:55.000 Too soon. 2114 02:15:55.000 --> 02:15:58.000 They would say all these things, but their actions wouldn't show. 2115 02:15:58.000 --> 02:16:00.000 Whereas Matthew is the opposite. 2116 02:16:00.000 --> 02:16:03.000 He like shows by showing up all the time. 2117 02:16:03.000 --> 02:16:05.000 He's like, whatever I want to do. 2118 02:16:05.000 --> 02:16:08.000 He's always like on board to do very go with the flow. 2119 02:16:08.000 --> 02:16:10.000 Super easy going. 2120 02:16:10.000 --> 02:16:15.000 I even had to ask him like, Matthew, are you interested? 2121 02:16:15.000 --> 02:16:19.000 Um, I didn't ask him that way, but he's like, of course. 2122 02:16:19.000 --> 02:16:20.000 I mean, I told you that. 2123 02:16:20.000 --> 02:16:24.000 And I'm like, he's obviously spending nine and a half hours with you. 2124 02:16:25.000 --> 02:16:26.000 Yes. 2125 02:16:26.000 --> 02:16:27.000 Yeah, I know. 2126 02:16:27.000 --> 02:16:28.000 He shows. 2127 02:16:28.000 --> 02:16:29.000 He's interested. 2128 02:16:29.000 --> 02:16:32.000 Kind of like what we were just talking about with Susan when she was on. 2129 02:16:32.000 --> 02:16:33.000 Yep. 2130 02:16:33.000 --> 02:16:35.000 You're going to know if a guy is interested in you. 2131 02:16:35.000 --> 02:16:36.000 Yeah. 2132 02:16:36.000 --> 02:16:38.000 I think I just needed to hear it. 2133 02:16:38.000 --> 02:16:41.000 And then I was like, are you attracted to me? 2134 02:16:41.000 --> 02:16:42.000 Cause he's very good. 2135 02:16:42.000 --> 02:16:43.000 Respectfully. 2136 02:16:43.000 --> 02:16:46.000 Like he doesn't put any moves, which I love. 2137 02:16:46.000 --> 02:16:47.000 It's only like three, four. 2138 02:16:47.000 --> 02:16:49.000 It's like a month now, I think. 2139 02:16:49.000 --> 02:16:51.000 Um, 2140 02:16:51.000 --> 02:16:54.000 I feel like I touch him and flirt with him more like physically, but he's 2141 02:16:54.000 --> 02:16:56.000 like, yeah, of course. 2142 02:16:56.000 --> 02:16:57.000 Like you're beautiful. 2143 02:16:57.000 --> 02:16:58.000 Blah, blah, blah. 2144 02:16:58.000 --> 02:16:59.000 And I was like, okay. 2145 02:16:59.000 --> 02:17:01.000 And then, um, 2146 02:17:01.000 --> 02:17:05.000 I did mention like, I want to plan ahead because. 2147 02:17:05.000 --> 02:17:06.000 I usually get busy during the week. 2148 02:17:06.000 --> 02:17:09.000 And he's like, oh yeah, let's definitely plan it. 2149 02:17:09.000 --> 02:17:11.000 Thank you. 2150 02:17:11.000 --> 02:17:14.000 But then I didn't think it would be to the level of. 2151 02:17:14.000 --> 02:17:17.000 Now we have a Google doc where it goes until the very end. 2152 02:17:18.000 --> 02:17:19.000 Okay. 2153 02:17:19.000 --> 02:17:21.000 So that ended up leading into like, 2154 02:17:21.000 --> 02:17:24.000 now you've got several things planned out. 2155 02:17:24.000 --> 02:17:28.000 We have like 10 things to plan out, but 70% is my ideas. 2156 02:17:28.000 --> 02:17:29.000 Cause. 2157 02:17:29.000 --> 02:17:32.000 And he said the reason why he doesn't have all these ideas. 2158 02:17:32.000 --> 02:17:33.000 Cause he's. 2159 02:17:33.000 --> 02:17:35.000 Trying to live a sober life for two and a half years. 2160 02:17:35.000 --> 02:17:38.000 So he's in a huddle of men, like, you know, being disciples. 2161 02:17:38.000 --> 02:17:41.000 So he's like, I really love how you have all these ideas. 2162 02:17:42.000 --> 02:17:46.000 And lately he's been churning out more ideas to me is like, oh, I, 2163 02:17:46.000 --> 02:17:47.000 I thought about this and that. 2164 02:17:47.000 --> 02:17:49.000 And so he created the Google doc. 2165 02:17:49.000 --> 02:17:51.000 And then I filled it out some, 2166 02:17:51.000 --> 02:17:53.000 and then we worked on it a little bit together, but then I was like, 2167 02:17:53.000 --> 02:17:55.000 my question is mostly like. 2168 02:17:55.000 --> 02:17:57.000 That's kind of like a lot, right? 2169 02:17:57.000 --> 02:17:59.000 I mean, we're not even exclusive yet, 2170 02:17:59.000 --> 02:18:01.000 but I feel like we act like we are. 2171 02:18:01.000 --> 02:18:02.000 Like, 2172 02:18:02.000 --> 02:18:03.000 I mean, 2173 02:18:03.000 --> 02:18:06.000 we're not even exclusive yet, but I feel like we act like we are. 2174 02:18:07.000 --> 02:18:09.000 I mean, we're not even exclusive yet, 2175 02:18:09.000 --> 02:18:12.000 but I feel like we act like we kind of are already. 2176 02:18:12.000 --> 02:18:15.000 I know he's not talking to anybody else and I'm not either. 2177 02:18:15.000 --> 02:18:17.000 But I'm wondering if I should. 2178 02:18:17.000 --> 02:18:19.000 But I don't really want to. 2179 02:18:19.000 --> 02:18:20.000 I mean, I like Matthew. 2180 02:18:20.000 --> 02:18:21.000 And. 2181 02:18:21.000 --> 02:18:22.000 So. 2182 02:18:22.000 --> 02:18:24.000 We had this conversation with you about being exclusive. 2183 02:18:24.000 --> 02:18:25.000 You would be all for it. 2184 02:18:25.000 --> 02:18:27.000 Yeah. 2185 02:18:27.000 --> 02:18:28.000 You know, I've been on her calls more. 2186 02:18:28.000 --> 02:18:29.000 She would be like, no. 2187 02:18:30.000 --> 02:18:32.000 You know, because I tend to go too fast too soon. 2188 02:18:32.000 --> 02:18:33.000 Yeah. 2189 02:18:33.000 --> 02:18:35.000 I mean, I get, I understand. 2190 02:18:35.000 --> 02:18:37.000 Like, you know, we do try to help you. 2191 02:18:37.000 --> 02:18:38.000 Ladies kind of pace that. 2192 02:18:38.000 --> 02:18:42.000 So we're not jumping into things, but. 2193 02:18:42.000 --> 02:18:45.000 You know, that's, those are guardrails. That's not hard rules. 2194 02:18:45.000 --> 02:18:47.000 I mean, we're, we're looking more for. 2195 02:18:47.000 --> 02:18:49.000 Are there lots of green flags happening. 2196 02:18:49.000 --> 02:18:51.000 And just because you get an exclusive relationship. 2197 02:18:52.000 --> 02:18:54.000 Doesn't mean he's your husband. 2198 02:18:54.000 --> 02:18:55.000 Yeah. 2199 02:18:55.000 --> 02:18:57.000 It just means now. 2200 02:18:57.000 --> 02:19:00.000 The relationship is more intentional. 2201 02:19:00.000 --> 02:19:03.000 It means you are just focusing on one person. 2202 02:19:03.000 --> 02:19:06.000 And seeing. 2203 02:19:06.000 --> 02:19:10.000 Is there a possibility that this could move towards engagement? 2204 02:19:10.000 --> 02:19:13.000 Is it a pot? Like, is it there? Is there. 2205 02:19:13.000 --> 02:19:17.000 Is there enough of a solid foundation there that, that. 2206 02:19:17.000 --> 02:19:20.000 God is, is able to, to, to build something there. 2207 02:19:20.000 --> 02:19:22.000 Like, do you have the foundation? 2208 02:19:22.000 --> 02:19:24.000 For God to build what he wants to build. 2209 02:19:24.000 --> 02:19:25.000 Yeah. 2210 02:19:25.000 --> 02:19:27.000 You know? Yeah. 2211 02:19:27.000 --> 02:19:30.000 Like, yeah, I would, I, I, I. 2212 02:19:31.000 --> 02:19:33.000 Okay. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. 2213 02:19:33.000 --> 02:19:34.000 Have you guys. 2214 02:19:34.000 --> 02:19:37.000 Kissed or no, no, we haven't. 2215 02:19:37.000 --> 02:19:39.000 I wouldn't not do that unless we're exclusive. 2216 02:19:39.000 --> 02:19:42.000 We did watch the house of David and we were sitting pretty close. 2217 02:19:42.000 --> 02:19:45.000 And there was only a couple of times are like arms touch each other for 2218 02:19:45.000 --> 02:19:46.000 a bit, but I was like, 2219 02:19:46.000 --> 02:19:47.000 Oh my God. 2220 02:19:47.000 --> 02:19:48.000 Okay. 2221 02:19:49.000 --> 02:19:50.000 Okay. 2222 02:19:50.000 --> 02:19:54.000 So, so we did watch the house of David and we were sitting pretty 2223 02:19:54.000 --> 02:19:55.000 close. 2224 02:19:55.000 --> 02:19:57.000 And there was only a couple of times or like, 2225 02:19:57.000 --> 02:19:59.000 arms touch each other for a bit, but I was like, 2226 02:19:59.000 --> 02:20:00.000 Oh my God. 2227 02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:02.340 It's like, whoa, this is too tempting. 2228 02:20:02.340 --> 02:20:04.340 Okay, so here's, here's what you can do. 2229 02:20:04.340 --> 02:20:07.760 You, okay, you, you're on the, like, you're pretty comfortable with them. 2230 02:20:08.420 --> 02:20:12.640 Um, you don't have to ask him, like, you don't have to come out and ask him like, 2231 02:20:12.700 --> 02:20:15.340 so are we dating exclusively? 2232 02:20:15.360 --> 02:20:22.080 Like, we don't have to do that, but you can say, you know, we've mapped out this, 2233 02:20:22.180 --> 02:20:26.980 this plan and we're spending a lot of time together over the next several months. 2234 02:20:27.540 --> 02:20:40.240 Um, I'm curious, like, what is your, your, um, what is like your, your idea 2235 02:20:40.240 --> 02:20:45.280 of like the future, like, what are, what is your goal for the future? 2236 02:20:45.340 --> 02:20:49.940 Like, what are you, when you, when you're, um, you know, getting to know people, 2237 02:20:49.940 --> 02:20:56.520 like, what is it that you are intentionally trying to, to move towards? 2238 02:20:56.620 --> 02:20:58.080 Well, he does want to get married. 2239 02:20:58.080 --> 02:21:01.880 He's like, I'm only dating you for the intention of marriage, but I 2240 02:21:01.880 --> 02:21:03.520 usually have to ask those things. 2241 02:21:03.840 --> 02:21:04.080 Yeah. 2242 02:21:04.080 --> 02:21:05.220 I'm the one asking. 2243 02:21:05.220 --> 02:21:06.840 And I said, why am I asking you all these? 2244 02:21:06.960 --> 02:21:09.240 I mean, in a nice way, he's like, yeah, you are. 2245 02:21:09.240 --> 02:21:10.920 And he's like, I think I'm shy. 2246 02:21:11.560 --> 02:21:12.880 And I'm like, shy. 2247 02:21:13.000 --> 02:21:15.480 He's like, how long has he been sober? 2248 02:21:15.480 --> 02:21:17.000 Has he been sober two years? 2249 02:21:17.000 --> 02:21:19.520 You said two and a half years, but he hasn't had been in a 2250 02:21:19.520 --> 02:21:21.800 relationship since for six years. 2251 02:21:21.960 --> 02:21:22.320 Okay. 2252 02:21:22.760 --> 02:21:23.160 Yeah. 2253 02:21:23.800 --> 02:21:24.020 Yeah. 2254 02:21:24.020 --> 02:21:27.020 So there should, there could be some stuff that, you know, he's having to 2255 02:21:27.020 --> 02:21:28.940 learn how to do things differently too. 2256 02:21:29.340 --> 02:21:31.660 So that could be what some of that standoffishness is. 2257 02:21:31.660 --> 02:21:37.140 And so, I mean, it might be one of those things and like, okay, so I'm 2258 02:21:37.140 --> 02:21:41.940 interested to know, like, what are your thoughts about how a man 2259 02:21:41.980 --> 02:21:43.300 shows up in a relationship? 2260 02:21:45.380 --> 02:21:50.140 Like, what, what do you think, what do you think is important for a man? 2261 02:21:50.580 --> 02:21:56.140 How, for how, for what do you think is important for men to 2262 02:21:56.140 --> 02:21:57.420 do to show up in a relationship? 2263 02:21:57.580 --> 02:22:00.300 Like, how do you think they need to show up in a relationship? 2264 02:22:00.620 --> 02:22:03.220 How do you think a woman is supposed to show up in a relationship? 2265 02:22:03.580 --> 02:22:04.860 Ask those questions. 2266 02:22:06.580 --> 02:22:07.940 What do you think that looks like? 2267 02:22:08.140 --> 02:22:12.380 So for example, like my husband and I, like when we were in that 2268 02:22:12.380 --> 02:22:19.260 exclusive dating stage or moving towards that, we did talk about, you know, 2269 02:22:19.380 --> 02:22:28.540 so what is your take on, you know, marriage, like what's that look like 2270 02:22:28.540 --> 02:22:32.420 for a wife and what's that look like for a husband, especially ones that 2271 02:22:32.420 --> 02:22:36.140 have kids, because, you know, I had a kid and he had two kids and I told 2272 02:22:36.140 --> 02:22:39.540 him, I'm like, you know, obviously I'm a single mom, like, um, I'm 2273 02:22:39.540 --> 02:22:41.500 very involved in my son's school. 2274 02:22:41.940 --> 02:22:44.620 Um, I knew he had kids that were homeschooled. 2275 02:22:44.620 --> 02:22:46.260 I'm like, you homeschool kids. 2276 02:22:46.340 --> 02:22:48.140 I am all for the homeschool. 2277 02:22:48.140 --> 02:22:52.700 I just know if I'm homeschooling my kids, I can't, I would want to be 2278 02:22:52.700 --> 02:22:54.540 very much fully invested in that. 2279 02:22:54.540 --> 02:22:57.540 So I wouldn't be working and homeschooling at the same time. 2280 02:22:58.180 --> 02:23:02.820 Um, and so I'm like, but if I ever had the opportunity to homeschool 2281 02:23:02.820 --> 02:23:06.060 where I wouldn't need to work, I would 100% be all for that. 2282 02:23:07.540 --> 02:23:09.780 Like, those are conversations that I had. 2283 02:23:09.780 --> 02:23:15.460 Like I told him what I was comfortable with and what it was important to me. 2284 02:23:16.220 --> 02:23:21.180 And so then me just answering like that, he was like, well, I'm okay. 2285 02:23:21.220 --> 02:23:25.340 He's like, well, I don't see anything wrong with the wife not working. 2286 02:23:26.540 --> 02:23:30.060 And I don't even like what he was all for me, homeschooling the kids. 2287 02:23:30.140 --> 02:23:33.820 I don't even homeschool our kids now, but I still don't work full, full time. 2288 02:23:35.340 --> 02:23:36.860 And he's fully okay. 2289 02:23:36.860 --> 02:23:40.580 So that's kind of our roles because he knows I run our house. 2290 02:23:40.740 --> 02:23:43.580 So, I mean, I'm not saying like you have those kinds of conversations, 2291 02:23:43.580 --> 02:23:49.460 but, but do you see how having those, like, you're not asking for exclusivity. 2292 02:23:49.540 --> 02:23:52.780 You're just asking for what does this look like for you? 2293 02:23:52.820 --> 02:23:58.700 And you have those conversations and then it sparks, it sparks what that 2294 02:23:58.700 --> 02:24:01.620 looks like so that you guys can discuss. 2295 02:24:02.260 --> 02:24:03.380 Is it exclusivity? 2296 02:24:03.380 --> 02:24:04.660 Like you can be asking him. 2297 02:24:04.900 --> 02:24:06.300 So yeah. 2298 02:24:06.300 --> 02:24:08.700 Like, what do you, what do you think the role of the man is? 2299 02:24:08.740 --> 02:24:12.580 Do you think the man is the one that should be asking the woman if she's 2300 02:24:13.140 --> 02:24:14.860 if you want to be exclusive or not? 2301 02:24:15.540 --> 02:24:20.460 Like if that conversation comes up and you talk about a bunch of different 2302 02:24:20.460 --> 02:24:26.660 things, he might go home and sit and think about that and be like, Oh, I guess 2303 02:24:26.660 --> 02:24:30.940 I haven't asked her to be exclusive with me. 2304 02:24:32.340 --> 02:24:37.460 And so then you see how it kind of draws him in now too. 2305 02:24:38.460 --> 02:24:39.500 Yeah. 2306 02:24:39.540 --> 02:24:44.820 I was actually thinking about a question that is super relevant is like, cause 2307 02:24:44.820 --> 02:24:48.100 I've been going to single events in person here and I actually coordinate 2308 02:24:48.100 --> 02:24:52.460 single events and so I'm like, and I'm supposed to go to a singles event next 2309 02:24:52.460 --> 02:24:56.420 week and they even have a speed dating thing and I was like, should I ask him? 2310 02:24:56.460 --> 02:24:57.260 What should I do? 2311 02:24:57.260 --> 02:24:59.620 If someone asked me out like, yeah. 2312 02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:06.340 Like what do I still go to single events? I mean, you're weird. Hey, this is oh, this is perfect 2313 02:25:06.340 --> 02:25:11.840 This is what you say you'd be like, hey, you know, and he knows that you run these single events, correct? 2314 02:25:11.840 --> 02:25:17.900 Um, I mentioned it to him, but the one that I'm going to you next Saturday is not something I'm running 2315 02:25:17.900 --> 02:25:20.780 I just okay once in a while. Well, this is what you can say don't be like, hey 2316 02:25:20.780 --> 02:25:22.980 I I don't know if you're aware of this, but you know 2317 02:25:24.060 --> 02:25:27.660 part of the involvement that I have in and community is 2318 02:25:28.080 --> 02:25:32.440 You know running some single events and I do attend single events and so 2319 02:25:33.280 --> 02:25:35.280 Because we now have mapped out 2320 02:25:35.760 --> 02:25:38.960 These dates first like several months out 2321 02:25:39.840 --> 02:25:43.320 I want to be honorable to you and 2322 02:25:44.280 --> 02:25:46.280 And respect you 2323 02:25:47.400 --> 02:25:53.160 What would you feel comfortable with when I'm at these single events about what I would like 2324 02:25:53.160 --> 02:25:55.360 What would you prefer me to do if someone approaches me? 2325 02:25:56.140 --> 02:25:59.680 How like what where are you at with that I 2326 02:26:00.980 --> 02:26:01.820 and again 2327 02:26:01.820 --> 02:26:04.480 he gets to you get to put on him and just be like I 2328 02:26:04.700 --> 02:26:09.720 Wanted I want to honor and be respectful to you because I know we've we're investing a lot of time 2329 02:26:10.780 --> 02:26:12.780 How would you like me to handle that? 2330 02:26:13.780 --> 02:26:18.640 Okay, can I should I say like there's it's a single event and there's actually speed dating thing 2331 02:26:18.640 --> 02:26:23.580 Do what do you should I attend that should I not I wouldn't say that I just say how would you like me to? 2332 02:26:24.560 --> 02:26:26.560 Approach these types of situations 2333 02:26:27.480 --> 02:26:31.520 Are you comfortable with me going on these? Are you? 2334 02:26:34.120 --> 02:26:37.800 Are you comfortable like just I would I would be very just like 2335 02:26:38.680 --> 02:26:43.680 Leave the floor open for him to really be able to discuss with you first. Like I want 2336 02:26:44.280 --> 02:26:46.480 Make the question very broad 2337 02:26:47.560 --> 02:26:52.560 So that he can start having conversation and you and then by listening to him 2338 02:26:53.140 --> 02:26:57.020 Then let that draw out any other questions that you might have. Does that make sense? 2339 02:26:57.580 --> 02:27:00.620 Yeah, that makes sense. I mean I did ask him 2340 02:27:01.460 --> 02:27:03.460 something like oh 2341 02:27:03.740 --> 02:27:06.140 Do you ever think about boyfriend girlfriend? He's like 2342 02:27:06.900 --> 02:27:09.140 Yeah, I do it 2343 02:27:10.020 --> 02:27:16.540 Isn't that where we're going? I'm like, I guess I just wasn't sure where you're coming, you know, he's like that's where we're going 2344 02:27:16.540 --> 02:27:17.860 I think we're just getting to know each other 2345 02:27:17.860 --> 02:27:21.980 so I guess he was yeah, and if he said if he kind of says that just be like well, I 2346 02:27:22.660 --> 02:27:24.660 How how would it? 2347 02:27:25.260 --> 02:27:28.640 How would a woman know that she's exclusive with you? Oh 2348 02:27:30.580 --> 02:27:33.220 How would you let a woman know that she's exclusive with you 2349 02:27:33.220 --> 02:27:37.520 How would a woman know who's dating you that you want to be exclusive with her? Oh 2350 02:27:40.680 --> 02:27:42.680 Okay without asking 2351 02:27:43.300 --> 02:27:50.180 Yeah, I mean I think that like again, I just think he's he I don't he might just be one 2352 02:27:50.200 --> 02:27:52.440 He's just like really just doesn't know how to 2353 02:27:54.400 --> 02:28:01.720 Ask or do you think it's just he's like not ready cuz I don't want to be the one like I don't know 2354 02:28:03.080 --> 02:28:09.160 You know like and that's what I'm saying like and then if it really is about his sobriety 2355 02:28:10.520 --> 02:28:12.520 and 2356 02:28:13.480 --> 02:28:19.120 Again, I mean if he's been sober two and a half years and and that's the truth like 2357 02:28:20.200 --> 02:28:23.120 He he would be allowed like not that they're not I mean 2358 02:28:23.840 --> 02:28:25.840 They weren't allowed to date 2359 02:28:26.120 --> 02:28:32.080 Until two years. Yeah, I mean, oh that was because that I have I've always heard at least one year 2360 02:28:32.080 --> 02:28:36.760 No, they said two years. Okay, perfect. So that two years 2361 02:28:36.760 --> 02:28:42.800 so this would be a first for him just and you can have that conversation with him being like, you know, if 2362 02:28:44.360 --> 02:28:49.360 You need to go slower because of this I understand I 2363 02:28:50.140 --> 02:28:57.460 Would like to understand and know when you are ready for that. How would I know that you're ready? 2364 02:28:58.300 --> 02:28:59.380 and 2365 02:28:59.380 --> 02:29:06.020 Then you can say because for now I do run these single events and I do do these these 2366 02:29:06.880 --> 02:29:08.500 activities and 2367 02:29:08.500 --> 02:29:11.340 I want to be respectful and honoring to you 2368 02:29:13.940 --> 02:29:15.940 So that I'm not 2369 02:29:16.920 --> 02:29:22.460 Crossing any boundaries of yours and then I'm being respectful to you 2370 02:29:22.560 --> 02:29:25.280 But also respectful to the fact that you might not be ready yet 2371 02:29:25.960 --> 02:29:33.320 Yeah, and also respectful for me because to you it's like if he's not and he's and that's then I like 2372 02:29:33.320 --> 02:29:35.520 You can still go out and meet people. Yeah, I 2373 02:29:36.120 --> 02:29:40.520 But it does feel we and as I'm saying you guys aren't kissing you guys are not committed 2374 02:29:40.520 --> 02:29:43.160 You're not like you're not doing those things and that's why ladies 2375 02:29:43.160 --> 02:29:47.940 I like I know some people are like, but they're hanging out but but there's no 2376 02:29:48.980 --> 02:29:51.300 There's no connection. There's no 2377 02:29:52.940 --> 02:29:56.940 We're not like she's not doing stuff with someone that she wouldn't do with any friend 2378 02:29:58.260 --> 02:30:00.260 like there's not like 2379 02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:08.920 She's not holding his hand, hugging him and kissing him and talking about what their family 2380 02:30:08.920 --> 02:30:09.920 would look like. 2381 02:30:09.920 --> 02:30:10.920 No. 2382 02:30:10.920 --> 02:30:11.920 Nothing like that. 2383 02:30:11.920 --> 02:30:19.320 There's no future talk in a sense of a relationship being solid. 2384 02:30:19.320 --> 02:30:26.320 We're looking at, yeah, I'm dating you because I eventually want to move towards these things, 2385 02:30:26.320 --> 02:30:28.820 but that commitment hasn't been made. 2386 02:30:28.820 --> 02:30:34.360 So you both are free to have, get to know other people. 2387 02:30:34.360 --> 02:30:36.140 Yeah. 2388 02:30:36.140 --> 02:30:41.580 It's just, it's just Carla, it's the whole like, whoa, it dawned on me so much time. 2389 02:30:41.580 --> 02:30:47.060 And then like, we are planning out all these activities where it's like now, and you know, 2390 02:30:47.060 --> 02:30:48.780 he helps me with so many things. 2391 02:30:48.780 --> 02:30:49.780 Yeah. 2392 02:30:49.780 --> 02:30:51.740 And that's, and that's what you can have that honest conversation with him. 2393 02:30:51.740 --> 02:30:56.860 But look, like we sat down and we made all these plans and I, I guess that kind of when 2394 02:30:56.860 --> 02:31:03.160 I sat with it, it took me by surprise because now I'm sitting here thinking like, that's 2395 02:31:03.160 --> 02:31:06.200 a lot that we're committing to yet. 2396 02:31:06.200 --> 02:31:09.660 We haven't really talked about what that looks like. 2397 02:31:09.660 --> 02:31:13.600 So I'm, and I want to be respectful and honorable to you. 2398 02:31:13.600 --> 02:31:19.120 I'm curious what that looks like for you when, when you're ready, how would a girl know that 2399 02:31:19.120 --> 02:31:21.740 you want to be exclusive? 2400 02:31:21.740 --> 02:31:28.600 And until then, what, what is your comfort level with me going to singles events? 2401 02:31:28.600 --> 02:31:32.540 Because again, like I'm enjoying getting to know you. 2402 02:31:32.540 --> 02:31:35.420 I don't want to offend you. 2403 02:31:35.420 --> 02:31:43.900 I don't want to upset you, but I want to know like, what, what is your opinion on this? 2404 02:31:43.900 --> 02:31:47.820 And just because he has an opinion doesn't mean that you have to agree with it. 2405 02:31:47.820 --> 02:31:51.880 It just gives you more information, which is what we're doing in level two is getting 2406 02:31:51.880 --> 02:31:52.880 more information. 2407 02:31:52.880 --> 02:31:54.360 You're just gathering information. 2408 02:31:54.360 --> 02:32:01.200 You're learning more about what is his preference? 2409 02:32:01.200 --> 02:32:03.120 What is his comfort level? 2410 02:32:03.120 --> 02:32:07.320 What is, what does he feel in alignment with? 2411 02:32:07.320 --> 02:32:08.960 What does he feel led to do? 2412 02:32:08.960 --> 02:32:15.660 And does that then align with what God is putting on your heart to align with? 2413 02:32:15.660 --> 02:32:17.020 You're just getting information. 2414 02:32:17.020 --> 02:32:18.580 It doesn't mean that you're being rejected. 2415 02:32:18.580 --> 02:32:20.520 It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with him. 2416 02:32:20.520 --> 02:32:25.880 It doesn't mean, but it literally is, uh, uh, are we in alignment? 2417 02:32:25.880 --> 02:32:30.440 So it's okay for me to ask this question is not having this, like I'm trying to control 2418 02:32:30.440 --> 02:32:31.440 or lead, right? 2419 02:32:31.440 --> 02:32:32.440 No. 2420 02:32:32.440 --> 02:32:36.720 As long as you're open, as long as it's the, I'm not, I'll ask you, is your heart posture 2421 02:32:36.720 --> 02:32:45.160 literally to kind of just get the information, see where he's at, not pressure and just say, 2422 02:32:45.860 --> 02:32:51.060 is it from a heart of, I'm still trying to respect and honor you, but it's also important 2423 02:32:51.060 --> 02:32:54.260 that I respect and honor myself too. 2424 02:32:54.260 --> 02:33:02.300 And, and communicating honest that planning all of these things out this far and ahead 2425 02:33:02.300 --> 02:33:10.220 did, you know, stir some things up in you and that's honest and that's okay. 2426 02:33:10.220 --> 02:33:11.220 And you can communicate that. 2427 02:33:11.220 --> 02:33:19.000 I mean, that's, this is where you ladies are learning what healthy communication looks 2428 02:33:19.000 --> 02:33:21.480 and feels like in dating. 2429 02:33:21.480 --> 02:33:26.600 But what if, what if I want him to initiate this conversation? 2430 02:33:26.600 --> 02:33:28.800 I want him to initiate this conversation. 2431 02:33:28.800 --> 02:33:32.720 You want it, but does that necessarily mean it's going to happen? 2432 02:33:32.720 --> 02:33:37.880 Does it mean like, does it mean that he can't potentially grow into leading those kinds 2433 02:33:37.880 --> 02:33:38.880 of things? 2434 02:33:38.880 --> 02:33:46.140 But is that, I mean, are you willing, like, cause here's the thing you want him to. 2435 02:33:46.140 --> 02:33:52.980 So are you going to sit and hang by and wait patiently until he does and then drive yourself 2436 02:33:52.980 --> 02:33:58.140 crazy and then try to sit here and do all these maneuvers until he, then that's just 2437 02:33:58.140 --> 02:34:00.720 gonna make you, you're gonna make yourself crazy. 2438 02:34:00.720 --> 02:34:02.620 That's the thing where I don't want to waste time. 2439 02:34:03.620 --> 02:34:04.620 But that's what I'm saying. 2440 02:34:04.620 --> 02:34:08.680 Like, that's where it's like, we've got to like, again, we're, we're all meeting each 2441 02:34:08.680 --> 02:34:17.760 other where we're at and we, we want something, we want someone to behave and act the way 2442 02:34:17.760 --> 02:34:20.240 we want them to. 2443 02:34:20.240 --> 02:34:22.080 It's not that they're not capable. 2444 02:34:22.080 --> 02:34:29.480 It just might mean they're not ready or they haven't learned how to do that and are, and 2445 02:34:29.660 --> 02:34:35.820 are they, is there a compatibility and an alignment and the potential for them to grow 2446 02:34:35.820 --> 02:34:36.820 into that? 2447 02:34:36.820 --> 02:34:37.820 Yeah. 2448 02:34:37.820 --> 02:34:42.020 I feel like every time I do ask him, he's super open. 2449 02:34:42.020 --> 02:34:43.020 He's not uncomfortable. 2450 02:34:43.020 --> 02:34:44.020 He's able to talk. 2451 02:34:44.020 --> 02:34:45.700 You're seeing, you're seeing green flags. 2452 02:34:45.700 --> 02:34:46.700 You're enjoying it. 2453 02:34:46.700 --> 02:34:51.940 You're, you're in that level two where things are still curious. 2454 02:34:51.940 --> 02:34:53.500 You're still enjoying the process. 2455 02:34:53.500 --> 02:34:55.260 You're still learning. 2456 02:34:55.260 --> 02:34:59.460 There is still some uncertainty there and that's okay. 2457 02:34:59.460 --> 02:34:59.960 You're growing. 2458 02:35:00.000 --> 02:35:05.040 you're learning, you're experiencing something new, he's probably experiencing something new. 2459 02:35:05.040 --> 02:35:15.600 Again, there's no right or wrong way to do this. I think the 90 days of waiting to go exclusive, 2460 02:35:15.600 --> 02:35:21.360 those are good guardrails to help you not rush into things for ladies that rush. 2461 02:35:22.800 --> 02:35:27.360 I'm giving you the release and the okay, you can kind of remove that for right now. 2462 02:35:28.320 --> 02:35:34.400 This is not about needing to stick to a rule. You get to remove a rule. This gets to be, 2463 02:35:35.440 --> 02:35:39.280 I'm not just trying to follow a rule. I'm just trying to learn how to do something different. 2464 02:35:39.840 --> 02:35:45.760 I'm trying to open communication differently. I'm trying to honor boundaries for myself, 2465 02:35:45.760 --> 02:35:52.480 for other people. That's what you are growing in. Okay, so here's the thing, ladies, 2466 02:35:53.040 --> 02:36:01.360 y'all can sit there and go 90 days, and then wait 90 days, and then go exclusive. And then 2467 02:36:01.360 --> 02:36:06.080 guess what? You'll still be finding yourself in the same situation. You just took 90 days to get 2468 02:36:06.080 --> 02:36:18.080 there. Right? It's about do something with those 90 days. Don't stay stuck doing the same thing 2469 02:36:18.080 --> 02:36:22.880 that you've always done in those 90 days and think after 90 days, it's a magical number and 2470 02:36:22.880 --> 02:36:27.200 something different is going to happen. No, it's what do you do with those 90 days? 2471 02:36:28.240 --> 02:36:31.600 What are you going to do differently in those 90 days that you never did before? 2472 02:36:32.880 --> 02:36:36.800 What are you doing differently in this connection, in this situation, 2473 02:36:36.800 --> 02:36:40.240 in this relationship that's differently that you didn't do in the past? 2474 02:36:41.040 --> 02:36:45.440 That's what I want you looking at. It's going to be different. It's going to feel 2475 02:36:45.440 --> 02:36:53.200 uncomfortable at times because it's new. And he's different. He doesn't respond like the men that 2476 02:36:53.200 --> 02:36:58.800 you've had before. He's very go with the flow. He's probably more standoffish, just like whatever, 2477 02:36:58.800 --> 02:37:07.200 you know? But you also want to make sure that you're not sitting in this place of control. 2478 02:37:07.200 --> 02:37:14.160 And I agree with that. You don't want to show up in control, but I also don't want you to sit 2479 02:37:14.160 --> 02:37:23.760 there and think not doing anything at all is not control. Yeah. So if he says, oh, I wouldn't like 2480 02:37:23.760 --> 02:37:30.800 that, but I can't like hold you back. I mean, what am I saying? And just say, thank you for sharing 2481 02:37:31.600 --> 02:37:42.240 that with me. So help me understand when would I know that you're ready to be exclusive? And then 2482 02:37:42.240 --> 02:37:50.880 that would be off the table. Okay. And he's going to have to decide. And guess what? That's on him. 2483 02:37:53.280 --> 02:37:58.960 You just sit there and just be like, okay, he might not be. And guess what? Then I'm going to 2484 02:37:58.960 --> 02:38:07.360 sit and ask you, if he says that, what are you believing on the inside? Is there something that 2485 02:38:07.360 --> 02:38:14.640 needs to get sorted out in here? If he says, oh, I want to be okay with that, but there's nothing 2486 02:38:14.640 --> 02:38:25.680 I can do because we're not exclusive. What's that mean for you? Well, I think the only question I 2487 02:38:25.680 --> 02:38:30.640 would have about myself is, did I ask it in the right timing? Other than that, I'd be like, 2488 02:38:31.360 --> 02:38:36.000 that's his problem. But like, I just don't. I wouldn't even question yourself about your timing. 2489 02:38:36.000 --> 02:38:42.960 I think it's, you're free to ask these questions because you guys are spending a lot of time 2490 02:38:42.960 --> 02:38:47.520 together. Oh, we're planning to, we started and we're planning time together. Exactly. 2491 02:38:48.720 --> 02:38:53.520 So it's okay. It's okay. If that's something that you're requesting, like that's okay. 2492 02:38:53.840 --> 02:38:59.760 It's just whether or not you're trying to control, manipulate, try to handle this, 2493 02:39:00.640 --> 02:39:05.040 you're sacrificing your own needs, desires, and wants, you're being okay with something, 2494 02:39:05.040 --> 02:39:10.000 even though you're not okay with it. Like, I don't want you stepping out of who you are and 2495 02:39:10.000 --> 02:39:17.920 who God's created you to be. And I also don't want you to align with anything about like, 2496 02:39:18.400 --> 02:39:21.200 if he's not ready, that has something to do with you. 2497 02:39:23.360 --> 02:39:27.680 Maybe he's just not ready. He's got some other things that he wants to sort out with it. And 2498 02:39:27.680 --> 02:39:32.720 guess what? That would be okay. Maybe he needs to get some things sorted out with himself before 2499 02:39:32.720 --> 02:39:38.240 he gets into an exclusive relationship. And who knows, maybe it needs to get sorted out and it 2500 02:39:38.240 --> 02:39:41.920 gets sorted out in three months. And then you get in an exclusive relationship with it. And then 2501 02:39:42.640 --> 02:39:50.720 that's exactly what he needed. But if you would have rushed it, rushed the exclusivity sooner 2502 02:39:51.280 --> 02:39:56.640 when he wasn't ready, then guess what? That wouldn't fall in alignment, would it? 2503 02:39:57.440 --> 02:39:59.840 And would that relationship actually unfold to a 2504 02:40:00.000 --> 02:40:04.480 what God would have potentially wanted it to turn into. 2505 02:40:05.760 --> 02:40:08.760 Because we now are stepping into what we want, 2506 02:40:08.760 --> 02:40:11.800 not what God's leading us to. 2507 02:40:12.720 --> 02:40:15.720 Because now, it's not just about us, it's about two people. 2508 02:40:17.120 --> 02:40:19.880 Two people and what God is directing both people, 2509 02:40:19.880 --> 02:40:22.840 because that's, I mean, that's marriage. 2510 02:40:22.840 --> 02:40:24.680 My husband came to me yesterday, 2511 02:40:25.980 --> 02:40:29.560 and he's like, I need to process something with you. 2512 02:40:30.000 --> 02:40:33.160 His partner came to him with this thing, 2513 02:40:33.160 --> 02:40:36.500 and he's like, laying something down on him 2514 02:40:36.500 --> 02:40:39.280 about potentially going into W-2 work again, 2515 02:40:39.280 --> 02:40:42.360 and my husband is not interested in doing W-2 work, 2516 02:40:42.360 --> 02:40:43.920 you know, he works for himself. 2517 02:40:45.000 --> 02:40:50.000 And what I said to my husband, I'm like, okay, 2518 02:40:50.040 --> 02:40:51.640 it was a lot for me to process, 2519 02:40:51.640 --> 02:40:52.680 because I'm like, I'm gonna sit here 2520 02:40:52.680 --> 02:40:57.680 and process things out of my own needs and wants, 2521 02:40:57.960 --> 02:40:59.960 and my own fears as a wife, 2522 02:41:01.120 --> 02:41:02.800 because you're sitting here talking about your job 2523 02:41:02.800 --> 02:41:04.280 and finances and all that kind of stuff, 2524 02:41:04.280 --> 02:41:09.280 and I'm like, that certainly affects me. 2525 02:41:10.120 --> 02:41:11.720 And so this is what I told him, I said, 2526 02:41:11.720 --> 02:41:16.000 honey, I need you to go write down 2527 02:41:17.040 --> 02:41:19.120 what it is that you want, 2528 02:41:19.120 --> 02:41:22.160 and what it is that you're concerned with, 2529 02:41:22.160 --> 02:41:24.280 what you think your partner wants, 2530 02:41:24.280 --> 02:41:26.600 and what you think your partner's concerned with. 2531 02:41:26.600 --> 02:41:28.920 I said, write all that out, 2532 02:41:28.920 --> 02:41:31.520 I said, go spend time with the Lord with it. 2533 02:41:31.520 --> 02:41:34.240 I said, when I get that, I said, I can read it, 2534 02:41:34.240 --> 02:41:36.520 if I have questions for you, I can come to you, 2535 02:41:36.520 --> 02:41:39.160 and I'm like, then I'm gonna go take all of that 2536 02:41:39.160 --> 02:41:40.880 to the Lord, privately. 2537 02:41:42.280 --> 02:41:44.040 I'm gonna go talk to the Lord about it, 2538 02:41:44.040 --> 02:41:46.200 you're gonna go talk to the Lord about it, 2539 02:41:46.200 --> 02:41:49.080 and guess what, we're married, we're in covenant. 2540 02:41:50.280 --> 02:41:53.520 We went before God and took a vow 2541 02:41:53.520 --> 02:41:55.840 to put him at the center of our marriage. 2542 02:41:55.840 --> 02:41:58.080 He's not gonna sit here and say something to me 2543 02:41:58.080 --> 02:42:00.600 that he's not gonna say something to you. 2544 02:42:00.600 --> 02:42:02.960 Whatever he says to me, and whatever he says to you, 2545 02:42:02.960 --> 02:42:05.320 will be in alignment if he wants us to do it. 2546 02:42:08.240 --> 02:42:13.240 But if God is telling me, nope, give it 90 days, Carla, 2547 02:42:14.680 --> 02:42:16.240 I'm gonna go tell my husband, like, you know, honey, 2548 02:42:16.240 --> 02:42:17.920 I don't have peace about it, 2549 02:42:17.920 --> 02:42:20.160 because I feel like God is wanting us to wait for 90 days, 2550 02:42:20.160 --> 02:42:23.120 and I don't know why, but we just need to wait for 90 days. 2551 02:42:23.120 --> 02:42:24.000 My husband's gonna be like, 2552 02:42:24.000 --> 02:42:26.400 okay, well, the Lord told me this, 2553 02:42:26.400 --> 02:42:29.760 but if the Lord said 90 days, then we'll shelf that. 2554 02:42:29.760 --> 02:42:31.680 Well, we're gonna come into alignment, 2555 02:42:31.680 --> 02:42:33.560 we're gonna take those steps. 2556 02:42:37.600 --> 02:42:41.480 You don't wanna rush anything just out of our own stuff. 2557 02:42:41.480 --> 02:42:44.840 Like, my husband is the type of person that will typically, 2558 02:42:44.840 --> 02:42:48.280 he gets a feather up his behind, and he just wants to move. 2559 02:42:48.280 --> 02:42:51.520 Like, he is a, he's an entrepreneur at heart, 2560 02:42:51.520 --> 02:42:54.360 he's like, let's, I've got this idea, let's do it. 2561 02:42:54.360 --> 02:42:57.040 And I'm like, well, that's a great idea, 2562 02:42:57.880 --> 02:43:01.400 let's pray and plan about it. 2563 02:43:02.640 --> 02:43:05.560 And, because I'm like, I have a lot of ideas too, 2564 02:43:05.560 --> 02:43:08.040 but I'm like, a little more practical. 2565 02:43:08.040 --> 02:43:11.480 I'm like, let's see how God wants to unfold this. 2566 02:43:11.480 --> 02:43:15.640 My husband sometimes gets so excited, he leads with that, 2567 02:43:16.520 --> 02:43:18.720 and we've gotten burned before doing that. 2568 02:43:19.720 --> 02:43:23.280 We went and signed contracts on things before, 2569 02:43:23.280 --> 02:43:28.280 and it put us in a really, really tough position, 2570 02:43:29.720 --> 02:43:33.280 because we didn't stop and like, both speak to the Lord, 2571 02:43:33.280 --> 02:43:36.080 and then like, we just made the decision together, 2572 02:43:36.080 --> 02:43:39.400 and I was just like, okay, honey, whatever you wanna do. 2573 02:43:39.400 --> 02:43:44.400 No, because he wanted what he wanted, 2574 02:43:44.760 --> 02:43:47.720 not what the Lord was guiding us to, 2575 02:43:48.280 --> 02:43:51.000 because guess what, the Lord was telling me, 2576 02:43:51.000 --> 02:43:54.800 like Carla, I don't, that's a, I'm unsettled with that, 2577 02:43:54.800 --> 02:43:58.560 and your husband needs to know there's an unsettling there, 2578 02:43:58.560 --> 02:44:00.320 so there needs to be a halt. 2579 02:44:01.760 --> 02:44:03.360 Let me figure and sort things out. 2580 02:44:03.360 --> 02:44:05.400 That's why we're better together, y'all. 2581 02:44:06.320 --> 02:44:08.440 That's why it's good to have two people in marriage, 2582 02:44:08.440 --> 02:44:09.720 because guess what? 2583 02:44:11.120 --> 02:44:15.960 You actually check each other before rushing into something 2584 02:44:16.240 --> 02:44:18.520 and stepping into our own will. 2585 02:44:19.360 --> 02:44:22.280 So I would encourage you, 2586 02:44:22.280 --> 02:44:26.840 don't worry so much about the emphasis 2587 02:44:26.840 --> 02:44:29.200 of if he's ready or not. 2588 02:44:29.200 --> 02:44:32.160 Just trust that God is moving and doing 2589 02:44:32.160 --> 02:44:35.160 what God needs to do in his life, 2590 02:44:35.160 --> 02:44:37.200 while God is moving and doing things 2591 02:44:37.200 --> 02:44:39.160 that he needs to do in your life. 2592 02:44:40.320 --> 02:44:43.080 Yeah, so I was gonna say, just because I asked a question, 2593 02:44:43.080 --> 02:44:46.840 doesn't mean I'm saying I wanna be exclusive with him. 2594 02:44:46.840 --> 02:44:49.240 It's just, I wanna have a discussion. 2595 02:44:49.240 --> 02:44:50.960 I just wanna check in where are we at. 2596 02:44:50.960 --> 02:44:53.480 It's not like, oh, tell me when you're exclusive, 2597 02:44:53.480 --> 02:44:56.200 and when you're ready to be exclusive, I will be ready. 2598 02:44:56.200 --> 02:44:57.800 It doesn't mean that, necessarily, either. 2599 02:44:57.800 --> 02:45:00.200 No, it's just, I wanna know where this pace is. 2600 02:45:00.000 --> 02:45:09.400 going so that I can plan and spend time with the Lord about this and see if the Lord is 2601 02:45:09.400 --> 02:45:14.920 giving me clarity and wisdom and the green light. 2602 02:45:14.920 --> 02:45:17.140 But I'm just checking in. 2603 02:45:17.140 --> 02:45:18.760 Are we on that page? 2604 02:45:18.760 --> 02:45:20.280 Are we moving in that direction? 2605 02:45:20.280 --> 02:45:23.880 And if we are, how am I going to know that? 2606 02:45:23.880 --> 02:45:28.520 And just say, because I've noticed that sometimes you are, like, one thing I like about you 2607 02:45:28.520 --> 02:45:34.000 is that you are go-with-the-flow, you're very easygoing, however, that's not something that 2608 02:45:34.000 --> 02:45:35.920 I'm used to. 2609 02:45:35.920 --> 02:45:42.480 I've never experienced guys that I've spent time with that have that personality, so I 2610 02:45:42.480 --> 02:45:44.880 don't know what to expect. 2611 02:45:44.880 --> 02:45:51.360 So I'm trying to learn what that looks like, so I need your help in communicating to me 2612 02:45:51.360 --> 02:45:53.320 where you're at. 2613 02:45:53.320 --> 02:45:56.280 Does that make sense? 2614 02:45:56.280 --> 02:45:57.280 Yeah. 2615 02:45:57.280 --> 02:45:58.280 Totally. 2616 02:45:59.040 --> 02:46:03.000 You're learning and you're building new muscles here. 2617 02:46:03.000 --> 02:46:06.960 Like you're working some muscles that you haven't worked before. 2618 02:46:06.960 --> 02:46:11.640 So it's going to feel, you're going to feel that burn afterwards, and then you're going 2619 02:46:11.640 --> 02:46:15.400 to be like, I don't know if I can lift this, I don't know if I can do it because I've never 2620 02:46:15.400 --> 02:46:16.400 done it. 2621 02:46:16.400 --> 02:46:17.400 No, you haven't. 2622 02:46:17.400 --> 02:46:18.400 But guess what? 2623 02:46:18.400 --> 02:46:22.960 You're not going to start off, like, with a hundred pound weight. 2624 02:46:22.960 --> 02:46:23.960 You can't do that. 2625 02:46:23.960 --> 02:46:26.280 You're going to start off with, like, one of those two or three pound weights, and you're 2626 02:46:26.280 --> 02:46:27.280 going to start there. 2627 02:46:27.280 --> 02:46:28.840 Like, okay, I'm comfortable with this. 2628 02:46:28.840 --> 02:46:32.880 Now I'm going to go pick up a five or ten pound weight, and then I'm going to go pick 2629 02:46:32.880 --> 02:46:33.880 up another. 2630 02:46:33.880 --> 02:46:36.600 Like, you see how we gradually move on? 2631 02:46:36.600 --> 02:46:37.600 I kind of said that earlier. 2632 02:46:37.600 --> 02:46:41.120 I'm going to gradually move on. 2633 02:46:41.120 --> 02:46:42.120 Okay? 2634 02:46:42.120 --> 02:46:43.120 Okay. 2635 02:46:43.120 --> 02:46:48.800 All right, y'all, I, this is the longest I think I've ever gone. 2636 02:46:48.800 --> 02:46:53.800 I feel like I'm going to get in so much trouble. 2637 02:46:53.800 --> 02:47:01.080 I, do you know, good dating site for, in order to meet people intentionally. 2638 02:47:01.080 --> 02:47:04.920 The only thing that's coming up in my spirit about- 2639 02:47:04.920 --> 02:47:06.920 Internationally, not intentionally. 2640 02:47:06.920 --> 02:47:07.920 International. 2641 02:47:07.920 --> 02:47:08.920 Oh, thank you. 2642 02:47:08.920 --> 02:47:09.920 I thought you said intentionally. 2643 02:47:09.920 --> 02:47:14.760 Y'all been on this computer for way too long. 2644 02:47:14.760 --> 02:47:19.200 International. 2645 02:47:19.200 --> 02:47:24.780 I feel like part of the delay in me moving is because I was trying to move back to something 2646 02:47:24.780 --> 02:47:28.600 that was familiar, and I knew what it was. 2647 02:47:28.600 --> 02:47:29.600 It's where I left. 2648 02:47:29.600 --> 02:47:36.520 I left Florida when I made the big move out of fear, but my heart's desire has always 2649 02:47:36.520 --> 02:47:41.800 been for as long as I can remember to live internationally, and I've always felt more 2650 02:47:41.800 --> 02:47:48.060 comfortable in other countries than I've ever felt in the U.S., except for when I lived 2651 02:47:48.060 --> 02:47:52.300 in Hawaii, and that's like living in its own country in and of itself. 2652 02:47:52.300 --> 02:47:54.060 It's a very different culture. 2653 02:47:54.060 --> 02:47:58.460 It's a whole different cultural aspect of things. 2654 02:47:58.460 --> 02:48:06.780 Well, I'm even like, the thing that's coming up for me, like what I'm hearing is, I don't 2655 02:48:06.780 --> 02:48:11.820 know if you necessarily need to go on a site that's specific to dating internationally, 2656 02:48:11.820 --> 02:48:19.420 but more or less, you getting on sites where there might be potentially, you're going to 2657 02:48:19.420 --> 02:48:25.980 probably want a pond that has a big pond, where there's the potential for somebody who 2658 02:48:25.980 --> 02:48:32.980 maybe lives in another country or someone who they themselves, like you might find someone 2659 02:48:32.980 --> 02:48:41.180 that lives in another state that's wanting to also have that same part and same thing 2660 02:48:41.180 --> 02:48:45.300 that God's put in them to live internationally. 2661 02:48:45.300 --> 02:48:49.020 Doesn't necessarily mean that they're living there now, but what if they're living somewhere 2662 02:48:49.020 --> 02:48:54.100 and God's saying, hey, I want you to go to Florida, because there is someone there that 2663 02:48:54.100 --> 02:49:00.660 you are going to go live internationally somewhere, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're 2664 02:49:00.660 --> 02:49:08.940 internationally now, but they also have the heart to travel and be international and live 2665 02:49:08.980 --> 02:49:16.340 somewhere, or you connect with somebody who knows someone that's living overseas. 2666 02:49:16.340 --> 02:49:21.820 Like you see what I'm saying, like I don't, and this is what God has been even kind of 2667 02:49:21.820 --> 02:49:29.100 showing me lately, is don't put God in a box of what he can do and how he can do it. 2668 02:49:29.100 --> 02:49:34.100 If God is telling you, hey, I want you to live internationally and you're going to be 2669 02:49:34.260 --> 02:49:37.260 married, just trust that. 2670 02:49:37.260 --> 02:49:40.260 He's telling you, he doesn't lie. 2671 02:49:40.260 --> 02:49:44.260 Okay, Lord, well, however you're going to do that, you need to make that very clear, 2672 02:49:44.260 --> 02:49:49.260 because that's a pretty, very particular promise, right? 2673 02:49:49.260 --> 02:49:55.260 So, Lord, I'm going to need you to show me what that looks like. 2674 02:49:55.260 --> 02:49:59.260 So, you make sure that you make it very clear to me. 2675 02:49:59.260 --> 02:50:00.260 Sometimes the Lord doesn't. 2676 02:50:00.000 --> 02:50:03.120 Ladies, sometimes the Lord will do that. 2677 02:50:03.120 --> 02:50:06.680 He will give us a very specific, and we think it's impossible, 2678 02:50:06.680 --> 02:50:09.280 but then he makes it so possible, 2679 02:50:09.280 --> 02:50:11.720 then we can't deny it, and then that's 2680 02:50:11.720 --> 02:50:12.840 when we know it's the Lord. 2681 02:50:12.840 --> 02:50:17.200 I'm very thankful, because God told me very clearly, 2682 02:50:17.200 --> 02:50:18.520 and I was just like, well, God, you're just 2683 02:50:18.520 --> 02:50:19.720 going to have to do something. 2684 02:50:19.720 --> 02:50:24.280 And he made it very apparent that my husband was my husband. 2685 02:50:24.280 --> 02:50:29.320 When he moved us to Hawaii, it was 100% God the whole way. 2686 02:50:29.840 --> 02:50:33.200 So it's like, OK, I can't argue with God right now. 2687 02:50:33.200 --> 02:50:35.920 So when the enemy wants to come in and sit here and try 2688 02:50:35.920 --> 02:50:38.480 to ruffle our feathers and make me think, 2689 02:50:38.480 --> 02:50:40.280 maybe I should have never moved to Texas, 2690 02:50:40.280 --> 02:50:44.840 maybe I should have never, no, Carla, 2691 02:50:44.840 --> 02:50:49.880 I told you what I promised you, and I wasn't lying, 2692 02:50:49.880 --> 02:50:54.520 and I did everything I said I was going to do. 2693 02:50:54.520 --> 02:50:57.720 It just doesn't look the way you thought it was going to look. 2694 02:50:57.720 --> 02:51:01.200 You've got to be open to how I want to do it, Carla. 2695 02:51:01.200 --> 02:51:04.520 You've got to be willing to walk in my will. 2696 02:51:04.520 --> 02:51:06.280 Stop trying to make it what you think 2697 02:51:06.280 --> 02:51:10.680 it's supposed to look like, and just trust that I've got you. 2698 02:51:10.680 --> 02:51:14.960 You've got to trust, ladies, in that uncertainty. 2699 02:51:14.960 --> 02:51:19.080 You've got to have peace in not having the understanding, 2700 02:51:19.080 --> 02:51:22.040 and trust the one who does. 2701 02:51:22.040 --> 02:51:24.040 He's got it worked out. 2702 02:51:24.080 --> 02:51:27.920 He's not asking for our help to work it out, 2703 02:51:27.920 --> 02:51:30.640 because he's already got it figured out. 2704 02:51:30.640 --> 02:51:33.960 So I just pray about, like, just ask me, like, Lord, 2705 02:51:33.960 --> 02:51:35.000 I just need some peace. 2706 02:51:35.000 --> 02:51:37.240 Give me some options, and give me 2707 02:51:37.240 --> 02:51:42.480 a peace about one to just go ahead and jump into. 2708 02:51:42.480 --> 02:51:45.720 I enjoyed Facebook dating. 2709 02:51:45.720 --> 02:51:47.600 That was me. 2710 02:51:47.600 --> 02:51:50.600 Like, that was the one I was most comfortable with. 2711 02:51:50.600 --> 02:51:53.240 That was the one I felt like Bethany had success with it. 2712 02:51:53.240 --> 02:51:55.000 I think Renee had success with it. 2713 02:51:55.000 --> 02:51:56.920 I had, like, I had success with it. 2714 02:51:56.920 --> 02:51:58.360 I didn't meet my husband through Facebook dating, 2715 02:51:58.360 --> 02:52:02.160 but I actually met my husband sort of through Facebook. 2716 02:52:02.160 --> 02:52:05.840 Like, just be open. 2717 02:52:05.840 --> 02:52:10.160 Be open to whoever God wants to introduce you to. 2718 02:52:10.160 --> 02:52:13.240 That would be my wisdom right there. 2719 02:52:13.240 --> 02:52:13.840 OK. 2720 02:52:13.840 --> 02:52:14.960 OK? 2721 02:52:14.960 --> 02:52:17.120 All right, ladies, I appreciate you so much. 2722 02:52:17.120 --> 02:52:21.520 Thank you for being patient with me and staying on. 2723 02:52:21.520 --> 02:52:22.360 Y'all are wonderful. 2724 02:52:22.360 --> 02:52:23.640 I love you. 2725 02:52:23.640 --> 02:52:25.080 I'm just making sure I call every. 2726 02:52:29.360 --> 02:52:30.760 The question I got for your husband 2727 02:52:30.760 --> 02:52:32.840 was what does God want to do with his company? 2728 02:52:32.840 --> 02:52:35.360 You know, not him and his partner, 2729 02:52:35.360 --> 02:52:38.160 what does God want to do with the company? 2730 02:52:38.160 --> 02:52:41.160 Yeah, and God's been doing some things to me and my husband. 2731 02:52:41.160 --> 02:52:45.080 So that's been, like, we're both feeling like God's just 2732 02:52:45.080 --> 02:52:48.080 bringing us a lot of breakthrough 2733 02:52:48.080 --> 02:52:49.480 on a lot of things we've been praying 2734 02:52:49.480 --> 02:52:50.960 for over the last three years. 2735 02:52:50.960 --> 02:52:54.840 And so that's why I told him, like, honey, I hope you're OK, 2736 02:52:54.840 --> 02:52:56.320 because I got 90 days. 2737 02:52:56.320 --> 02:52:59.240 All of June, all of July, all of August, God's like, 2738 02:52:59.240 --> 02:53:02.720 Carly, you have no, you are just going to wake up and do 2739 02:53:02.720 --> 02:53:03.680 what I tell you to do. 2740 02:53:03.680 --> 02:53:04.520 And I'm like, OK. 2741 02:53:08.400 --> 02:53:09.240 I'm like, all right. 2742 02:53:09.240 --> 02:53:10.760 And so my husband's like, well, I've 2743 02:53:10.760 --> 02:53:13.640 been fasting for like three or, I 2744 02:53:13.640 --> 02:53:15.200 think this is his fourth week fasting, 2745 02:53:15.200 --> 02:53:17.560 so he's got three more weeks after this. 2746 02:53:17.560 --> 02:53:21.680 I'm like, honey, I hope he starts doing some work in you 2747 02:53:21.680 --> 02:53:25.600 right now, because I feel like I'm getting all of it. 2748 02:53:25.600 --> 02:53:27.800 But yeah, so. 2749 02:53:27.800 --> 02:53:30.800 All right, ladies, I appreciate you all. 2750 02:53:30.800 --> 02:53:36.160 And keep your posts coming in the app, OK, ladies? 2751 02:53:36.160 --> 02:53:37.760 All right, talk to you soon. 2752 02:53:37.760 --> 02:53:38.360 Bye. 2753 02:53:38.360 --> 02:53:39.920 Bye.