WEBVTT

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Yes and no because I've done this program before and then I just went to like went through

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a rough season so I had to quit but I'm back again.

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We're so happy to have you back.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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So what year did you do it?

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I did it last year and this went through a really crisis spot that I had to remove myself

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from the program so.

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Yeah okay and were you in phase one or phase two when you left the program?

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I was in phase three.

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Ah well we're happy to have you in phase two.

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Who was your coach in this phase?

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Renee?

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Renee yeah.

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Ah okay cool cool well we're happy to have you back.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome and I know the Lord is excited to have you back because he has a big love

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story with your name written all over and so we're excited to do this with you.

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I hope so.

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Oh yeah oh yeah get your hopes up up up up up that's the only way you survive them.

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You can't hear anything oh no all right so good to see you Kaylee will your name be set

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as Kaylee?

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Rat Waxer is it Kaylee?

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No.

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Hi sorry I'm just uh hold on uh one second it's like I just logged in and okay wait what's

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happening it's all uh I'm sorry um.

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I can't see y'all anymore can I can I can you come back to me okay wait wait hi now

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I see y'all hey um sorry I've been on no worries at all it's so good to meet you my computer's

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doing funny things and it's okay I can hear you though yeah if you can hear me yes it's

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my first uh time on this call with you guys so thank you for having me oh we're so happy

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to have you we're so happy to have you if there any other San Antonio people Tiffany

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I was telling um Kaylee on the post tonight uh on on the wall that she was looking for

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somebody in San Antonio but I was telling her that we have some people in Temple um

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and then we're gonna all get together she's coming up to Austin for a few weeks this summer

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and we're gonna all get together with uh Alexandria for her job thank you awesome and my daughter

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is actually in New Braunfels and so I'm in that area every so often anyway so we need

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to connect yeah um paddle boarding over there I live kind of more closer like it's only

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I live 30 minutes from New Braunfels so I'm more on the that side yeah yeah y'all should

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exchange information in the chat Kaylee said that she's working to build community right

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yes ma'am yeah I was wondering I didn't know the rules as far as like sharing phone numbers

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and like uh things like that how to um get in contact with people on yeah yeah what's

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appropriate most of hers and also um there is a the the San Antonio last year single

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Facebook group is very active so it's a lot of ladies in San Antonio so go to resources

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we go to resources you're going to go to what those groups called there's some kind of group

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you're going to go to it is going to have a code it's a spreadsheet then it has a code

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you click the link single city that's right thank you Tiffany single city there's a code

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you click the link put the code in they'll accept you into the group okay okay thank

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you for that yeah did I go too fast I wrote down no I think I got it thank you go to resources

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and then once you get the resources you're going to look for single city and then you're

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going to San Antonio Austin but I think it's probably San Antonio just do both of them but

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they're pretty active okay thank you yeah you're welcome friend I don't know anyone in Canada

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Nikki okay I'm back to friend Nikki's here so I don't know anyone but I know a pretty she's in

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I mean phase three she just left phase two she's in Ottawa Ottawa is that far from you okay I'm

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supposedly hopefully

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We may be going up to visit her this summer.

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And so maybe we can find a way to connect all three of us.

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If it's not like 10 hours from you,

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is it like how many hours is it away?

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Five.

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Oh, we probably made it halfway.

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I don't know.

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We'll talk about it.

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Okay.

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Hello, everyone.

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I hadn't seen Nikki in a while.

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I will shout all of us out.

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So it's not like that.

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Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki.

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Anyway, it's so good to see all of y'all.

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Let's get started.

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Yes, let's get started.

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So tonight it's gonna be,

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I always think it's a very simple coach.

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Oh, and so let me say this.

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For all of our first timers, this is how it works.

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You'll watch one video a week.

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You can post on the group, your aha moments.

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You don't have to have watched videos to come to coaching.

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Coaching is all about you, whether you're dating or not.

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It could be a job issue.

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It could be a family issue.

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It could be just a youth thing going on,

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fear, joy, excitement, things that happen,

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things you grow from.

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We'll have activations after the coaching.

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So these activations aren't geared toward a man.

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They're geared toward you and developing your capacity.

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And so I just wanted to say that this is your session.

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It's all about you.

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Not if you're dating, but dating is fun too.

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And we want you to date.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So tonight, one of the things that we recognize,

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and I have my notes outlined,

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so I won't be all across the place,

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is that most of our dating questions

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where they could be about attraction,

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sometimes they're about a lot of attraction exclusivity

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or spiritual things,

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but they're more about wanting certainty.

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Like how can we guarantee you certainty

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before enough information exists?

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So what does that look like?

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It looks like you want the certainty of level three

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in a level one.

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And since level one is just exchange and communication,

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the first time you say hello,

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that kind of looks like,

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well, the first conversation,

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can I just ask you, you know,

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where you go to church at?

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Do you speak in tongues?

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I don't know.

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Do you read your Bible every day?

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For us, they really, you know,

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you know, are you mentored?

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Do you have a mentor?

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You know, all of those questions are living,

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we want phase level three information

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from a level two, getting to know phase.

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So that says that you want certainty

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where it's not time for certainty.

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And because you desire certainty,

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it actually puts you in a position

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that you believe what a person tells you is the truth.

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Because once they tell you what you want to hear,

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your mind will say back to me,

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oh no, I'm gonna watch them to see.

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But it automatically puts a guard down.

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And we're not talking about guards like walls,

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we're talking about guardrails.

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So it automatically release something in you

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because you feel like they've checked all the boxes.

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Now you can read, go through our posts and you can read.

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Someone will say, I met this really great person,

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they have all three Ms,

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they checked all of my boxes,

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we've been dating, talking for two days,

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and we're gonna try to go out at the end of the week.

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So that tells me you ask them questions

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while y'all were talking and a plenty of them,

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and you start checking your box.

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And so then you show up and say, they have the three Ms,

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they are marriage-minded, they are masculine,

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and they mature, and they check all of my boxes.

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I'm so excited.

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Masculinity is measure over experience.

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Maturity is measure over experience.

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And marriage-minded, we can say we're marriage-minded

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and not be marriage-minded.

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That is also measured over experience with the person.

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And the same way that all of us can say that we're feminine,

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same way all of us can say that we are mature,

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and the same way that all of us can say

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that we're marriage-minded,

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yet we fail to submit ourselves to order and boundaries

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that will produce the outcome that you desire.

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It is no different.

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And so sometimes in the process,

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you believe you got to make sure you watch him

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to make sure he lined up with everything you want

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and everything you need,

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but you fail to cause yourself

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to come under some type of order

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that you may also produce that.

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One of the most challenging things,

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I think for a lot of us in this program,

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it depends on how you were raised,

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is to produce a level of femininity.

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Where there's fear present is hard to operate in femininity.

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Femininity comes from a vulnerable, soft space,

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not an unwise place.

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So don't hear vulnerability and hear unwise.

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Vulnerability and wisdom are married to each other.

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OK, so a lot of times you're not going to be able to produce that femininity

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that's needed to attract a masculine man because you are operating out of fear

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and you want certainty and when you want certainty, you become like a detective

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and you hone in on every single thing and you create a scenario in your mind

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and you treat people of the you treat people the way you have created

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the scenario in your mind.

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You will treat a person based on what you believe is happening.

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What happens when we do that?

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We're not curious anymore.

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Dating for discovery is about curiosity, not certainty.

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It literally removes curiosity.

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We go into protection mode,

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believe that certainty gives you safety, it makes you feel safe.

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It's all about you.

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It's me, too.

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I would like to give you ladies a world where everything is certain.

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If I could literally line me up and marry

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y'all off, I am telling you, I would all of us in this program.

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We pray for your marriages.

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We don't just talk about your marriages.

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We pray for your kingdom marriages,

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for the release of husbands, for you in the wellness of the whole person that you are.

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So let's get into this.

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Let's talk about this.

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So what was dating designed for?

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Dating is designed to reveal information.

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And this is one of the painstaking parts

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of dating because it requires a lot of restriction on your behalf.

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I'm talking from a person who knows every time I date somebody,

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I have to practice the same thing that I'm telling you.

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It doesn't change.

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Whether you like a person or not, but if you like them even more,

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or if you feel attracted to them, it's going to be even harder.

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OK, and so dating is designed to reveal information.

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It's discovery.

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It is God in the driver's seat.

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So why are we struggling so much?

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If you've never had God in the driver's seat of any parts of your life?

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Y'all

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don't believe you can tell yourself over and over again, I'm God defended,

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I'm God defended.

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You really don't have a lot of experience with being God defended.

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Because you there are areas you have not allowed God to be in the driver's seat.

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And so you we come into this wonderful

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program where God is actually the captain.

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This is not some podcast or YouTube video or reel of or women or men saying work

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this, this, this, this, and then it's going to produce this.

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And it's still don't do it.

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It just puts you in a performance mode.

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This is a program that says when your heart

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is healthy, what a water attracts to its own level.

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When you're healthy and you learn the skills of dating,

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you will date successfully and you will marry.

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And because God's hand is on it, there is a level of acceleration.

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Okay, so that's what that is.

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And so so then what do we do about it?

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One thing you need to know is for sure,

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if God has never been in the driver's seat in many areas in your life,

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heaven is rejoicing because this is the one thing you keep coming to him about.

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And he's like, oh, we're going to get some stuff done today.

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My daughter wants a husband and she wants

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some bad, and even though she's wrongly judged me, she's accusing me.

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Why ain't you brought my Amazon package yet?

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Do what you said you're going to do.

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I want a husband.

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I've been waiting 15 years, 10 years, 12 years.

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I know I stayed in the wrong relationship 10 years, but that's OK.

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I have been free of it for six months.

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Give me a husband.

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And no, I don't need to work on anything.

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I'm perfect. He needs to be a B, C, D.

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And because you won't give up, neither will he.

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And so he keeps working, planning your life.

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He keeps allowing, allowing for disappointment.

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So there's something in your heart could

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break open until you say, OK, God, how do you want to do this?

252
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What? Forget it.

253
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I'll give it over to you.

254
00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:34.120
I'm tired, I'm tired of trying to make this work.

255
00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:37.360
And for some of us, it takes a long time to get there.

256
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:39.040
It took me a long time to get there.

257
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And when you get there, you don't live there.

258
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You literally have to keep renewing it day by day.

259
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Pick it up, put it down, pick it up, put it down, pick it up, put it down.

260
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There's the cycle. Pick it up.

261
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:51.360
Put it down for a while.

262
00:14:51.560 --> 00:14:52.960
Pick it back up because you're kind of excited.

263
00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:54.400
I think it's going to work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

264
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Now, do your A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

265
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You had put it down so long, you forgot about all your skills that you hadn't learned.

266
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decide right and so it's this it's a cycle until one day you say god you know what if it never comes

267
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my way i'm okay no there's a hard statement to make even when i said it to the lord i was nervous

268
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myself but i'm like i don't know if i want to say that because i really don't feel that way but i

269
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know you want me to have a husband lord so i'm not even concerned about that that's kind of like

270
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so anyway um it's a journey hear me ladies it's a journey and it's a journey worth taking

271
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and some of us will find that we will be married in six months seven months three months two years

272
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i don't want to say too many years because when people used to say that stuff around me i'm like

273
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shut your mouth don't you dare say it took you five years get married around me i don't care

274
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how beautiful your love story is i don't want it so no one else telling you the truth i'm like do

275
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not tell me it took you seven years i don't know what you were doing but i don't want to do that

276
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plan so every person is different every person has things that has happened in them that god

277
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needs to build up to get them to to to attract what is of their level because he knows that

278
00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:24.240
one day you're going to get there and if you choose where you are now you're going to have a

279
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bigger problem than you could ever imagine because if you outgrow your spouse and they never come up

280
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and he is the leader of the home and you're the woman you're about to live in chaos because aside

281
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from accepting jesus as your lord and savior the next most important thing in your life is who you

282
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marry and so right now you want a man you want somebody to lay beside you you have all these

283
00:16:46.160 --> 00:16:50.880
fantasies and big dreams about what this husband's going to bring to the table but if he ain't got it

284
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he ain't got it and there's a destiny d8 dna in you now if you want to live a mediocre life it's

285
00:16:59.920 --> 00:17:04.400
easy to marry a mediocre lives you don't want much you don't make you wrong but that's just who you

286
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:08.960
are that's just like some people just want somebody who goes to church some people just

287
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:13.440
want people who watch church on tv some people need somebody they're already in ministry this

288
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:17.040
man's going to be in ministry they know they're headed to ministry some people gonna need

289
00:17:17.040 --> 00:17:21.839
missionaries because they're called to the mission field everybody has a different level of what is

290
00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:28.240
needed based on who they are their dna and how far they're gonna go and that's why comparison is not

291
00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:33.280
gonna work best in your favor because you don't know that like there i have a friend who got in

292
00:17:33.280 --> 00:17:38.880
the program i introduced her to the program this is before i started coaching i've been in the

293
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:46.160
program almost a year that thing got in this program did her little phase and by january

294
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yeah yeah was engaged and i said

295
00:17:53.200 --> 00:18:03.600
oh no said lord what kind of foolery is this and in my self-righteousness i said and i'm holier

296
00:18:04.320 --> 00:18:11.040
what kind of stuff is this so self-righteous i'm a recovering pharisee people so

297
00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:18.080
so i'm like this is crazy

298
00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:26.960
and and though i love her and we're very close and i love her husband that's not the marriage i want

299
00:18:27.120 --> 00:18:35.120
i'm not designed for that type of marriage and they have a nice simple life but i wasn't born

300
00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:43.840
for that level of life right god is good friend we're all recovering pharisees now and so i just

301
00:18:43.840 --> 00:18:49.440
want you know and so we'll see things and somebody say oh well god did this listen people you don't

302
00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:54.320
know the ins and outs of people marriages you don't know what they're struggling in their house

303
00:18:54.320 --> 00:18:59.120
you don't know the areas of growth that are necessary you don't know what's killing them

304
00:18:59.120 --> 00:19:03.360
from the inside you don't know about their small foxes that are destroying the vine i've been

305
00:19:03.360 --> 00:19:07.600
married before so i understand some of those dynamics and i've been around a lot of married

306
00:19:07.600 --> 00:19:12.320
people i've seen marriages make it through some i didn't think anybody anything could bring it

307
00:19:12.320 --> 00:19:16.640
from the grave and god did and i've seen marriages who god told them when they got married they were

308
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:20.320
for each other just as he says you're for each other doesn't mean that it's going to sustain

309
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:25.360
itself you have to have communication skills you have to have grace you have to have mercy you have

310
00:19:25.360 --> 00:19:32.320
to operate in forgiveness you cannot be entitled in marriage you have to be selfless and all of

311
00:19:32.320 --> 00:19:37.680
those things are really hard challenging things to do you can look at your own life right now

312
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:42.800
you don't do it while you're by yourself you think you're gonna voila you're gonna all of a sudden be

313
00:19:42.800 --> 00:19:49.280
that when you get married you're not if you're a parent you know for yourself as hard as you would

314
00:19:49.280 --> 00:19:54.640
like to be something for your child you are limited by your level of development and before

315
00:19:54.640 --> 00:19:58.800
you know it you blow up on them all over again because they triggered you and you don't you're

316
00:19:58.800 --> 00:20:00.000
not working boundaries you're not

317
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.620
not working things that will help you.

318
00:20:01.620 --> 00:20:02.820
You ain't never read a book.

319
00:20:02.820 --> 00:20:03.740
And it's a struggle.

320
00:20:03.740 --> 00:20:08.980
And there's no manual unless you go get one.

321
00:20:08.980 --> 00:20:11.100
And so you do the best you can with what you have

322
00:20:11.100 --> 00:20:16.740
and sometimes the best you have is the reason why some of us

323
00:20:16.740 --> 00:20:19.340
show up here and have to do the hard work, which everybody's

324
00:20:19.340 --> 00:20:21.720
going to have the hard work because we raised by humans.

325
00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:28.220
But still, think about your life and the best that you got

326
00:20:28.220 --> 00:20:29.940
and what did it produce.

327
00:20:29.940 --> 00:20:33.060
So you can look at things all around you.

328
00:20:33.060 --> 00:20:34.660
It's not a blame game.

329
00:20:34.660 --> 00:20:37.380
It's the way things are.

330
00:20:37.380 --> 00:20:40.580
And so that's why you're in this program.

331
00:20:40.580 --> 00:20:42.620
Not to know when you click on the first person

332
00:20:42.620 --> 00:20:45.660
if they're your husband.

333
00:20:45.660 --> 00:20:49.380
You're in this program to build your capacity

334
00:20:49.380 --> 00:20:54.020
so that the boundary lines can fall for you in pleasant places

335
00:20:54.020 --> 00:20:57.020
because honestly, I'm going to tell you, I don't believe.

336
00:20:57.020 --> 00:20:58.180
This is not on the paper.

337
00:20:58.180 --> 00:21:01.740
I don't believe that, and this may

338
00:21:01.740 --> 00:21:06.020
be a little hard to bite on or chew on when I say it,

339
00:21:06.020 --> 00:21:09.260
but I believe it for my life as well.

340
00:21:09.260 --> 00:21:11.180
I don't believe that a person who's

341
00:21:11.180 --> 00:21:15.220
completely prepared and ready that the Lord will overlook.

342
00:21:15.220 --> 00:21:18.220
I don't believe we're ever overlooked by God.

343
00:21:18.220 --> 00:21:20.340
And I believe that if I'm not standing at the altar

344
00:21:20.340 --> 00:21:22.980
right now today like I'm talking to you and I'm not there,

345
00:21:22.980 --> 00:21:25.500
then what are you doing in my life, Father?

346
00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:29.420
Because you have deemed something else more significant.

347
00:21:29.420 --> 00:21:31.700
And you said, that thing is coming.

348
00:21:31.700 --> 00:21:33.900
I want to work on this right now.

349
00:21:33.900 --> 00:21:37.140
And that takes a lot to trust that what he's doing

350
00:21:37.140 --> 00:21:39.220
is best for us because we don't practice

351
00:21:39.220 --> 00:21:41.700
that muscle a whole lot sometimes.

352
00:21:41.700 --> 00:21:44.260
And for every area, it's different.

353
00:21:44.260 --> 00:21:45.980
You can easily do it in one area.

354
00:21:45.980 --> 00:21:49.260
In the other area, you can't, especially marriage and dating

355
00:21:49.260 --> 00:21:52.180
because there's so many of your own heart issues going on.

356
00:21:52.180 --> 00:21:53.380
Am I good enough?

357
00:21:53.380 --> 00:21:54.700
Nobody will ever pick me.

358
00:21:54.740 --> 00:21:55.980
Am I pretty enough?

359
00:21:55.980 --> 00:21:57.340
Do I have what it takes?

360
00:21:57.340 --> 00:21:59.220
So you got all of that going on.

361
00:21:59.220 --> 00:22:00.420
And then you're trying to mix it in.

362
00:22:00.420 --> 00:22:03.180
But I believe God said it and got this and got that

363
00:22:03.180 --> 00:22:04.540
and got this and got that.

364
00:22:04.540 --> 00:22:08.180
And so the Lord ideally wants to free you from that bondage

365
00:22:08.180 --> 00:22:10.620
because that's not going to serve you.

366
00:22:10.620 --> 00:22:12.180
If you don't know how to open up your mouth

367
00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:13.860
and advocate for yourself on a date

368
00:22:13.860 --> 00:22:15.300
with a person you don't know,

369
00:22:15.300 --> 00:22:17.060
you're not going to do it when you get in marriage.

370
00:22:17.060 --> 00:22:18.620
Whatever is keeping you bound now

371
00:22:18.620 --> 00:22:21.100
is the same bondage you carry on the other side.

372
00:22:21.100 --> 00:22:23.140
And it's very important that you learn boundaries.

373
00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:25.380
You're going to need boundaries in marriage.

374
00:22:26.980 --> 00:22:28.020
Nothing's going to change.

375
00:22:28.020 --> 00:22:29.820
You need boundaries on your job.

376
00:22:29.820 --> 00:22:31.820
You need boundaries with your children.

377
00:22:31.820 --> 00:22:33.940
You need boundaries with your church members.

378
00:22:33.940 --> 00:22:37.780
You need boundaries with your own self, right?

379
00:22:37.780 --> 00:22:38.660
So, all right.

380
00:22:38.660 --> 00:22:40.940
So now, next thing.

381
00:22:40.940 --> 00:22:43.860
Certainty often feels safer than curiosity.

382
00:22:43.860 --> 00:22:46.900
Safety, safety definitely feels.

383
00:22:46.900 --> 00:22:51.420
Certainty feels way more safe than curiosity.

384
00:22:51.420 --> 00:22:53.660
And this is, y'all believe it or not,

385
00:22:53.660 --> 00:22:56.140
I have people in my ear all the time saying,

386
00:22:56.140 --> 00:22:58.540
okay, would you like to act that in a curious way?

387
00:22:58.540 --> 00:23:00.620
And I'm like, no, I need an answer

388
00:23:00.620 --> 00:23:02.660
so I can know what I'm going to do next.

389
00:23:02.660 --> 00:23:04.300
Yeah, that's what I need.

390
00:23:05.380 --> 00:23:10.380
But curiosity, curiosity helps you

391
00:23:10.780 --> 00:23:13.020
navigate the process better.

392
00:23:13.020 --> 00:23:13.860
Why?

393
00:23:13.860 --> 00:23:16.220
Certainty makes you settle on a thing.

394
00:23:18.420 --> 00:23:21.060
Certainty says, I know they're going to be

395
00:23:21.700 --> 00:23:22.540
on the coaching call at seven o'clock

396
00:23:22.540 --> 00:23:25.220
because they're always on the coaching call at seven o'clock.

397
00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:29.620
Certainty causes you to say, yep, this is it.

398
00:23:29.620 --> 00:23:32.420
Curiosity produces curiosity.

399
00:23:32.420 --> 00:23:35.180
And you're like, well, he did call every day last week.

400
00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:37.340
Let's see how this week goes.

401
00:23:37.340 --> 00:23:42.260
When you become curious, things don't sting badly

402
00:23:42.260 --> 00:23:45.260
because you were never in a state of certainty.

403
00:23:45.260 --> 00:23:47.860
You were in a state of curiosity.

404
00:23:48.860 --> 00:23:51.940
Now, it sounds simple coming out of my mouth,

405
00:23:51.940 --> 00:23:55.100
but the stakes keep getting higher and higher

406
00:23:55.100 --> 00:23:56.860
and you have to work to maintain it.

407
00:23:56.860 --> 00:24:00.180
And that is not easy, but it is doable.

408
00:24:01.340 --> 00:24:03.780
Especially when you like a person

409
00:24:03.780 --> 00:24:06.740
and they do carry qualities that you've not seen

410
00:24:07.660 --> 00:24:09.780
and they are sustaining.

411
00:24:09.780 --> 00:24:12.580
So if they start sustaining over time,

412
00:24:12.580 --> 00:24:13.420
then guess what?

413
00:24:13.420 --> 00:24:15.020
You're now a fruit inspector.

414
00:24:16.020 --> 00:24:20.060
I don't know what it is about them first two weeks.

415
00:24:20.060 --> 00:24:21.500
It's like a make a break.

416
00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:23.900
If you make it through the first two weeks,

417
00:24:23.900 --> 00:24:27.020
it's like, you know, if you make it through two weeks,

418
00:24:27.020 --> 00:24:29.140
sometimes it's good for two days,

419
00:24:29.140 --> 00:24:31.340
but it's something about that two week mark.

420
00:24:32.260 --> 00:24:34.460
In the same way, something about a two week mark

421
00:24:34.460 --> 00:24:36.900
is something about a 60 day mark.

422
00:24:36.900 --> 00:24:39.140
And if you think a 60 day mark is something,

423
00:24:39.140 --> 00:24:41.260
you make it to 90 days,

424
00:24:41.300 --> 00:24:45.220
you will literally see the fullness of what Jackie teaches.

425
00:24:46.500 --> 00:24:48.500
Because you're gonna see how you change

426
00:24:48.500 --> 00:24:51.380
from week one to week two, to week three, to week four.

427
00:24:51.380 --> 00:24:53.220
After you start getting used to a person,

428
00:24:53.220 --> 00:24:54.700
your performance drops a bit.

429
00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:56.260
All of us wear a mask in dating,

430
00:24:56.260 --> 00:24:58.700
we put our best foot forward, all right?

431
00:24:58.700 --> 00:25:00.300
And so then you start dropping.

432
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.280
and your mask too.

433
00:25:01.280 --> 00:25:03.440
And then you go on to the 60 days.

434
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:06.160
And then 90 days, all of a sudden you start seeing things

435
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:07.760
about them that you don't really like

436
00:25:07.760 --> 00:25:09.320
and you getting a bit tired of.

437
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:12.720
They're not new and fresh anymore.

438
00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:14.160
You don't have all those feelings

439
00:25:14.160 --> 00:25:16.460
rushing through you anymore.

440
00:25:16.460 --> 00:25:19.080
The fantasy is no longer as alive as it was

441
00:25:19.080 --> 00:25:21.080
when you first met them.

442
00:25:21.080 --> 00:25:24.020
And so you start seeing things at 90 days

443
00:25:24.020 --> 00:25:24.860
that you wouldn't see.

444
00:25:24.860 --> 00:25:26.040
Now, what does that sound like?

445
00:25:26.040 --> 00:25:29.020
You think I'm finna give 90 days to somebody

446
00:25:29.020 --> 00:25:30.180
to walk away, right?

447
00:25:30.180 --> 00:25:32.500
Those are some of the thoughts that happen.

448
00:25:32.500 --> 00:25:34.820
But curiosity allows you to do that.

449
00:25:34.820 --> 00:25:36.740
And when you start going into 60 days,

450
00:25:36.740 --> 00:25:37.660
if you've made it that far,

451
00:25:37.660 --> 00:25:40.260
you're gonna start having some type of emotional attachment

452
00:25:40.260 --> 00:25:43.060
and then you're gonna have to manage that.

453
00:25:43.060 --> 00:25:44.620
And you say to yourself,

454
00:25:44.620 --> 00:25:45.860
well, I don't feel like doing it.

455
00:25:45.860 --> 00:25:47.140
I don't wanna do it.

456
00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:50.060
Well, you have that option too.

457
00:25:50.060 --> 00:25:53.100
You have the option to go with your emotions.

458
00:25:53.100 --> 00:25:55.280
They may lead you wrong.

459
00:25:55.280 --> 00:25:56.260
It is gonna hurt.

460
00:25:56.260 --> 00:25:57.420
And sometimes it feels so good,

461
00:25:57.420 --> 00:25:59.220
you'll be like, I'm just gonna go with it.

462
00:25:59.220 --> 00:26:01.020
I've done it before.

463
00:26:01.020 --> 00:26:02.020
I crashed and burned.

464
00:26:02.020 --> 00:26:04.780
You see, I'm not married, right?

465
00:26:05.780 --> 00:26:09.260
It's, it hurt bad, man.

466
00:26:09.260 --> 00:26:11.700
Like, I mean, you come back, right?

467
00:26:11.700 --> 00:26:15.580
But so anyway, so let me ask you this.

468
00:26:15.580 --> 00:26:17.700
So let's see.

469
00:26:17.700 --> 00:26:20.020
Certainty often feels safer than curiosity.

470
00:26:20.020 --> 00:26:22.220
I wanna say all these things.

471
00:26:22.220 --> 00:26:23.420
The need for certainty,

472
00:26:23.420 --> 00:26:25.360
we talked about this really early on,

473
00:26:25.360 --> 00:26:26.780
is rooted in fear.

474
00:26:27.900 --> 00:26:29.420
Would we agree?

475
00:26:29.420 --> 00:26:30.900
If you want certainty,

476
00:26:30.900 --> 00:26:34.420
you're trying to get away from fear.

477
00:26:34.420 --> 00:26:35.660
You believe that this certainty

478
00:26:35.660 --> 00:26:36.780
is gonna relieve your fear

479
00:26:36.780 --> 00:26:37.820
and it does temporarily

480
00:26:37.820 --> 00:26:39.780
till you find out something else.

481
00:26:39.780 --> 00:26:42.100
And then what does curiosity,

482
00:26:42.100 --> 00:26:43.880
so fear looks for answers,

483
00:26:43.880 --> 00:26:46.380
but curiosity asks questions.

484
00:26:47.420 --> 00:26:49.320
Y'all, curiosity is way better.

485
00:26:51.820 --> 00:26:52.900
It's way, way better.

486
00:26:52.900 --> 00:26:53.980
It makes you feel better.

487
00:26:53.980 --> 00:26:55.380
Please try it.

488
00:26:55.380 --> 00:26:56.860
Please, please, please.

489
00:26:57.260 --> 00:27:00.220
I beg of you to practice curiosity.

490
00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:01.700
You don't get offended by people

491
00:27:01.700 --> 00:27:03.380
when you practice curiosity

492
00:27:03.380 --> 00:27:05.980
because you never had an expectation.

493
00:27:06.980 --> 00:27:09.260
But when you seek out certainty,

494
00:27:09.260 --> 00:27:11.780
you put an expectation on it.

495
00:27:11.780 --> 00:27:13.700
And the thing that's gonna be most hurt

496
00:27:13.700 --> 00:27:15.220
at the end of the day

497
00:27:15.220 --> 00:27:17.740
is the expectation you had.

498
00:27:19.500 --> 00:27:20.340
Okay?

499
00:27:20.340 --> 00:27:22.860
So discussion, let's talk about this.

500
00:27:22.860 --> 00:27:24.660
What is your biggest fear

501
00:27:24.660 --> 00:27:26.040
when it comes to dating?

502
00:27:26.040 --> 00:27:27.360
Now, some common fears,

503
00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:28.720
if you can't identify them,

504
00:27:28.720 --> 00:27:32.400
is rejection, fear of wasting time,

505
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:33.920
fear of getting hurt,

506
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:35.760
your fear of choosing wrong,

507
00:27:35.760 --> 00:27:37.640
and then fear of disappointment.

508
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:41.000
So I want you guys to post in the chat,

509
00:27:41.000 --> 00:27:42.240
what is your biggest fear

510
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:43.480
when it comes to dating?

511
00:27:57.040 --> 00:27:59.160
I know, mm-hmm.

512
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:06.040
Yeah, and Kaylee,

513
00:28:06.040 --> 00:28:08.000
integration instead of getting to know someone,

514
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:10.120
asking someone lots of questions.

515
00:28:11.580 --> 00:28:12.420
So you sit down,

516
00:28:12.420 --> 00:28:14.240
you got a whole laundry list of questions,

517
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:16.960
but you're not letting conversation flow

518
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:20.040
where you learn about them as they talk.

519
00:28:20.040 --> 00:28:21.560
Well, Mike, I've done that before.

520
00:28:21.560 --> 00:28:24.520
And now looking back,

521
00:28:24.520 --> 00:28:27.000
I was like, that's really mean to do to someone

522
00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:28.480
to feel like,

523
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:30.280
I felt like it was just kind of,

524
00:28:30.280 --> 00:28:32.200
oh, I want to weed this guy out.

525
00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:36.040
Like my neighbor wanted to set me up on a date

526
00:28:36.040 --> 00:28:39.360
and I was like, oh, well, he's this to domination.

527
00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:42.680
So I already had a like,

528
00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:43.520
yeah.

529
00:28:43.520 --> 00:28:44.340
What do you call it?

530
00:28:44.340 --> 00:28:45.400
Yeah.

531
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:46.640
Mm-hmm.

532
00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:47.480
A fear.

533
00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:48.320
Reconception.

534
00:28:51.840 --> 00:28:53.080
Somebody said, okay.

535
00:28:53.080 --> 00:28:54.420
Getting hurt, choosing wrong,

536
00:28:55.320 --> 00:28:56.160
falling too hard, too fast,

537
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:57.420
and getting overly emotionally attached

538
00:28:57.420 --> 00:28:58.420
and then it doesn't work out.

539
00:28:58.420 --> 00:28:59.620
I know.

540
00:28:59.620 --> 00:29:01.420
Choosing wrong, fear of rejection.

541
00:29:01.420 --> 00:29:03.080
So all of us are about in the same boat,

542
00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:04.420
saying the wrong thing.

543
00:29:04.420 --> 00:29:05.820
Oh, it's funny.

544
00:29:05.820 --> 00:29:06.980
That's a good one.

545
00:29:06.980 --> 00:29:09.180
Anyone have fear of saying the wrong thing?

546
00:29:11.820 --> 00:29:15.340
Fear of rejection, fear of reliving past hurts,

547
00:29:15.340 --> 00:29:17.020
fear of letting my emotions run away

548
00:29:17.020 --> 00:29:18.460
and overriding what I'm learning.

549
00:29:18.460 --> 00:29:19.300
Come on.

550
00:29:19.300 --> 00:29:21.020
Baby, them emotions will take you so fast,

551
00:29:21.020 --> 00:29:22.420
your head will spin.

552
00:29:22.740 --> 00:29:24.980
You're gonna wake up and say, where I been?

553
00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:27.060
You'll almost have a hangover.

554
00:29:27.060 --> 00:29:28.380
Literally feels like a hangover.

555
00:29:28.380 --> 00:29:29.220
You'll be like.

556
00:29:32.860 --> 00:29:34.220
You'll go over there.

557
00:29:34.220 --> 00:29:36.020
It's hard to come back.

558
00:29:36.020 --> 00:29:38.380
Everything feels so real.

559
00:29:38.380 --> 00:29:39.300
And then you'll be like,

560
00:29:39.300 --> 00:29:41.220
Kylie, it's only been three days.

561
00:29:41.220 --> 00:29:42.220
How did I get here?

562
00:29:46.420 --> 00:29:48.340
I'm like, what is this?

563
00:29:49.260 --> 00:29:51.060
Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.

564
00:29:51.060 --> 00:29:53.180
This is all so good.

565
00:29:53.180 --> 00:29:58.180
And so one of the things I want you ladies to remember

566
00:29:58.260 --> 00:30:00.180
that the same fears you have.

567
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.340
Men carry fears as well. This is not on the script, but I need you to remember that so when you come with all of your high demands

568
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:12.840
What they should be and who they should be and what they should do and they're not pursuing you and they're not doing this and they're

569
00:30:12.840 --> 00:30:15.260
Not doing that. I want you to remember reciprocity

570
00:30:16.080 --> 00:30:20.920
And I want you to remember that everyone comes to the table a lot of times with a fear

571
00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:27.960
It doesn't mean that you accept less than what's best for you. That's not what I'm saying

572
00:30:28.080 --> 00:30:34.680
But what I'm saying is don't require out of somebody else or put a standard on them that you've not put on yourself

573
00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:43.960
If you carry fear of rejection be mindful that they're human just like you they're just the male counterpart

574
00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:49.240
And you're the woman that came out of the man

575
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:53.780
Okay, and so we're people first

576
00:30:54.620 --> 00:30:59.300
See people as people that's a big big help

577
00:31:00.100 --> 00:31:02.100
See people as people

578
00:31:03.220 --> 00:31:10.980
All right, so attraction doesn't always arrive like fireworks who looks for fireworks when they meet somebody. I

579
00:31:12.460 --> 00:31:18.660
Know somebody's just posted. Yeah, they said they posted we've been on two dates, but you know what? I don't think I'm attracted

580
00:31:19.180 --> 00:31:23.400
So what do I do about that? The dates were great. That's the voice I hear when I read

581
00:31:24.140 --> 00:31:29.820
The dates were great, but I'm not attracted. And so I don't know what I do about that and I'm like, okay

582
00:31:29.820 --> 00:31:33.540
And so attraction matters, but it's not always immediate

583
00:31:36.180 --> 00:31:38.180
Fireworks can be intensity

584
00:31:38.500 --> 00:31:44.140
Familiarity dopamine and emotional activation not necessary compatibility. What does that mean?

585
00:31:44.140 --> 00:31:46.940
You know that feeling you get when you kiss somebody and it feels so good

586
00:31:47.140 --> 00:31:50.460
That's the feeling we're talking about a lot of times

587
00:31:50.460 --> 00:31:55.660
You can be attracted to person baby. You could feel stuff just running all through your body. There's some real

588
00:31:55.660 --> 00:31:58.620
There's some attraction you literally can't feel it

589
00:31:58.620 --> 00:32:02.820
And so we sometimes we think oh, they call it chemistry if I'm not attracted to a person

590
00:32:02.820 --> 00:32:06.140
But I know y'all had to hear psychologists say but you not psychotic

591
00:32:06.140 --> 00:32:11.140
You heard Jackie say that most of the time the most secure person you're gonna meet is the boring me

592
00:32:11.140 --> 00:32:13.140
You

593
00:32:15.660 --> 00:32:21.220
Listen if you get your hands on a good mature marriage minded masculine, man

594
00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:25.340
Won't you bring the phone to the relationship? What you gonna do?

595
00:32:26.860 --> 00:32:30.620
What's your role because I'm telling you I ain't gonna pass one up now

596
00:32:30.620 --> 00:32:36.700
I was I will not I will not if you if you've been I know a lot of us ladies

597
00:32:36.780 --> 00:32:41.620
Possibly have been married here, you know that chemistry does not sustain a marriage

598
00:32:42.060 --> 00:32:46.700
It just does not I don't care how they look it is not sustainable

599
00:32:48.780 --> 00:32:50.780
Everything everything

600
00:32:51.180 --> 00:32:56.660
The Bible says that these things that are now won't always be like it says beauty is fleeting

601
00:32:58.420 --> 00:33:00.420
You living with a person

602
00:33:02.300 --> 00:33:04.940
Right everything is subject to life

603
00:33:05.700 --> 00:33:10.480
So anyway, but you just say I know what you say coach, but I just can't help it

604
00:33:10.740 --> 00:33:15.980
Okay, and everybody has their limit, you know, I say I'm not a big looks person

605
00:33:18.460 --> 00:33:21.340
Is attraction about how you feel or or

606
00:33:22.180 --> 00:33:29.900
How fine you think Sonya's these don't seem to be the same. I agree. I think that but some people

607
00:33:30.740 --> 00:33:32.740
associate attraction with looks

608
00:33:32.780 --> 00:33:38.820
but you can be attracted to a person and not attracted to their looks and I just want to I want to speak on that

609
00:33:38.820 --> 00:33:44.300
Because I've talked to a lot of people before and I want I wasn't attracted to their looks

610
00:33:45.420 --> 00:33:50.580
Sometimes I'm attracted to their skin color. We won't talk about outer appearance. Sometimes it's just their skin color

611
00:33:50.580 --> 00:33:56.460
Sometimes it's how broad their shoulders are. Sometimes if they're Hispanic is they look telly telly to the stomach?

612
00:33:56.460 --> 00:34:01.040
I don't know why I like them. They had a little stomach. They're Spanish weirdest thing

613
00:34:01.660 --> 00:34:06.980
But anyway, so you're not to marry but to date so, you know, it's different things

614
00:34:06.980 --> 00:34:10.340
But I am highly attracted to intelligence

615
00:34:12.300 --> 00:34:17.480
Is so everybody is attracted to something different highly attracted to a tennis of your

616
00:34:17.900 --> 00:34:24.460
intelligent not book smart so much but intelligent can navigate things and can break things down and you can teach and you could just

617
00:34:24.860 --> 00:34:31.860
Bob in and out and we've been out of things. I'm locked on. It's like, oh, yeah, we going somewhere now

618
00:34:32.219 --> 00:34:36.620
I'm got a man with a plan. So everybody it is different

619
00:34:38.020 --> 00:34:41.980
Yes, and you can become like she'll say you can become attracted to God to get to know them

620
00:34:42.380 --> 00:34:48.020
Ideally, that's what you want to see you give it enough time for things to come forth out of them that you say

621
00:34:48.020 --> 00:34:53.780
You know what? I like this fruit. I like how generous is he is with this time? I like his consistency

622
00:34:53.780 --> 00:35:00.100
I like that. He cares for his mother that tells me a lot about him. I like that, you know, he

623
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:00.840
He's a good father.

624
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:03.000
I like that he actually invest.

625
00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:05.240
I like that these different things about him.

626
00:35:05.240 --> 00:35:06.640
I like the way that he thinks.

627
00:35:06.640 --> 00:35:09.160
I like the way that he's always thanking God

628
00:35:09.160 --> 00:35:10.600
in the good and in the bad.

629
00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:13.200
I like how teachable he is.

630
00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:15.160
I like the way he asks questions.

631
00:35:16.040 --> 00:35:18.400
I like how quickly he is to forgive.

632
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:21.520
So then you start looking for a lot of those things, okay?

633
00:35:21.520 --> 00:35:25.060
So instead of asking, do I feel everything right now?

634
00:35:25.060 --> 00:35:29.440
Ask, is there enough attraction and curiosity to keep going?

635
00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:32.440
That's why we say it's a yes, tell us a no.

636
00:35:32.440 --> 00:35:35.720
So what you're saying is, is there enough curiosity?

637
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:41.980
Enough curiosity and enough attraction to keep moving.

638
00:35:43.400 --> 00:35:45.320
If you're starting with certainty,

639
00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:47.440
you'd be wanting to say no after the first date.

640
00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:50.680
I get a lot of no's after the first date around here.

641
00:35:50.680 --> 00:35:51.500
You know what?

642
00:35:51.500 --> 00:35:52.760
I just don't think he's my type.

643
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:53.720
Oh yeah, based on what?

644
00:35:53.720 --> 00:35:55.840
I mean, the date was fine, but he's just not my type.

645
00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:57.440
Based on what?

646
00:35:57.440 --> 00:35:58.280
Right?

647
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:01.960
And so that means we've made some type of solid decision

648
00:36:01.960 --> 00:36:02.800
about whoever you're talking to.

649
00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:04.520
If you want to cut loose clearly, surely,

650
00:36:04.520 --> 00:36:05.800
yes, you can do that.

651
00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:07.840
But we want you to stay curious

652
00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:10.380
because that really helps your process.

653
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:14.400
Don't think of it like I keep giving them a chance.

654
00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:16.340
It is actually you stay,

655
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.160
is that you stay in it long enough

656
00:36:19.160 --> 00:36:20.780
to discover things about you.

657
00:36:22.520 --> 00:36:24.320
As a matter of fact, if you meet a man,

658
00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:26.120
he's kind and he's wonderful.

659
00:36:26.120 --> 00:36:28.840
I say, date him more and longer

660
00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:31.080
so you can learn you in a safe environment.

661
00:36:32.040 --> 00:36:33.640
Now, what you do not do is,

662
00:36:33.640 --> 00:36:35.460
if you know you've made a decision,

663
00:36:35.460 --> 00:36:38.080
you don't allow them to keep paying for dinners for you

664
00:36:38.080 --> 00:36:39.280
or doing all those things

665
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:42.000
and you know you've made a decision, right?

666
00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:44.400
So you can kind of like start splitting the bill

667
00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:45.640
or grabbing the bill.

668
00:36:45.640 --> 00:36:47.640
Or if you see that they're more attracted to you

669
00:36:47.640 --> 00:36:49.780
than you are to them at some point, you need to tell them.

670
00:36:49.780 --> 00:36:52.400
So after the third date, decisions need to be made.

671
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:54.920
Not if you're exclusive, but if you want to move forward.

672
00:36:54.920 --> 00:36:57.080
But sometimes the safer the guy,

673
00:36:57.080 --> 00:36:58.640
the more you get to learn about yourself

674
00:36:58.640 --> 00:37:01.480
in a safe environment, all right?

675
00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:02.880
Because it's low stakes.

676
00:37:04.480 --> 00:37:07.800
Spiritual leadership is revealed through patterns.

677
00:37:07.800 --> 00:37:09.620
And so some of us may say,

678
00:37:09.620 --> 00:37:12.520
I need to know how much of a spiritual leader they are.

679
00:37:12.520 --> 00:37:15.160
That's not even possible to know

680
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:17.180
if a person's a spiritual leader

681
00:37:17.180 --> 00:37:19.820
and knowing them one week, two weeks, three weeks.

682
00:37:19.820 --> 00:37:21.480
Sometimes not even four weeks.

683
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.380
You just been knowing them for four weeks, literally.

684
00:37:25.640 --> 00:37:27.720
Like you're literally just getting to know them.

685
00:37:27.720 --> 00:37:30.720
And so you have to observe their patterns

686
00:37:30.720 --> 00:37:33.760
to determine if they will make a good spiritual leader.

687
00:37:34.920 --> 00:37:38.200
And those are patterns over moments of time.

688
00:37:39.200 --> 00:37:42.080
Everybody can be nice and kind and wonderful,

689
00:37:42.080 --> 00:37:45.080
even us when everything is going good, right?

690
00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:52.800
And so these patterns have to be observed over moments

691
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:55.640
because you can't make a determination over moments.

692
00:37:55.640 --> 00:37:57.040
Even if they serve in leadership,

693
00:37:57.040 --> 00:37:58.440
that doesn't mean anything.

694
00:37:58.440 --> 00:38:00.920
So you want to look for consistency over time.

695
00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:08.280
How do you notice those patterns

696
00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:11.160
when you aren't studying or praying together at that point?

697
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:12.880
Okay, so patterns.

698
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:15.120
How do we know if a person is a good spiritual leader?

699
00:38:15.120 --> 00:38:17.560
It has nothing to do with how much they read their Bible

700
00:38:17.560 --> 00:38:18.900
or how well they pray.

701
00:38:20.340 --> 00:38:22.680
There are lots of people who read their Bible and pray now.

702
00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:26.660
Reading your Bible and praying is a spiritual discipline.

703
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:30.860
And now of all my spiritual people on the line,

704
00:38:30.860 --> 00:38:33.380
a lot of us don't read our Bible all the time.

705
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:38.400
And you know that, whoever you may be.

706
00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:39.720
And you may go to church all the time,

707
00:38:39.720 --> 00:38:41.800
but you don't read your Bible.

708
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:42.920
You may be on the worship team,

709
00:38:42.920 --> 00:38:44.440
but you don't read your Bible.

710
00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:45.840
You could be on the prayer team

711
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:47.960
and you don't read your Bible.

712
00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:49.160
You could pray all the time

713
00:38:49.160 --> 00:38:51.280
but you're praying about everything you want.

714
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:52.360
You ain't praying no scripture

715
00:38:53.080 --> 00:38:54.000
because you don't know no scripture.

716
00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:55.480
I'm just telling you the truth.

717
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:57.560
Like eat all of these things

718
00:38:57.560 --> 00:39:00.440
that we want to measure somebody off of.

719
00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:02.720
That's why you measure fruit.

720
00:39:02.720 --> 00:39:05.680
Because my fruit tell you, yes, I know.

721
00:39:05.680 --> 00:39:06.520
I've been through season.

722
00:39:06.520 --> 00:39:09.480
I'm like, I ain't read my Bible for nobody.

723
00:39:09.480 --> 00:39:11.840
And so there are times where I'm building the altar

724
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:14.560
of the word in my life and I'm going hard after it.

725
00:39:14.560 --> 00:39:17.320
And then I learn and then I stay in that place.

726
00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:22.320
So, but you, a person's character will reveal

727
00:39:22.720 --> 00:39:25.920
the law that's at work on the inside of them.

728
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:27.840
And so the law on the inside of me

729
00:39:27.840 --> 00:39:30.520
is that I treat others more highly than myself

730
00:39:30.520 --> 00:39:32.560
is going to show up in desert scripture

731
00:39:32.560 --> 00:39:34.440
and it shows up in my behavior.

732
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:37.280
Right?

733
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:38.640
And so that's the thing.

734
00:39:38.640 --> 00:39:41.320
So reading the Bible and praying together

735
00:39:41.320 --> 00:39:42.760
are not necessary for that.

736
00:39:42.760 --> 00:39:45.600
So what kind of patterns do we want to look for?

737
00:39:45.600 --> 00:39:46.960
Are they teachable?

738
00:39:47.720 --> 00:39:52.720
Do they pursue God consistently and intentionally?

739
00:39:53.680 --> 00:39:56.160
So listen, you know you want someone

740
00:39:56.160 --> 00:39:58.640
that has the ability to be a spiritual leader.

741
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:00.600
Okay.

742
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.980
Well, it's probably not a good idea for you to try to go into an exclusive relationship with the men who don't really go to church

743
00:40:07.320 --> 00:40:09.320
You're not here to be Jesus

744
00:40:13.240 --> 00:40:15.400
And you're not here to be their pastor

745
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:23.560
And so if you know that your goal is someone who's more of a spiritual leader when you start getting to know them and you

746
00:40:23.560 --> 00:40:28.980
Like them if you in 60 days or so and you see that they don't have any allegiance to

747
00:40:29.580 --> 00:40:35.500
Their spiritual growth and then you ask questions you get curious even before then you can be curious

748
00:40:36.540 --> 00:40:39.020
Um, is there evidence of fruit?

749
00:40:40.540 --> 00:40:47.120
Right and is the does he take responsibility and how does he handle adversity?

750
00:40:50.600 --> 00:40:52.600
Okay

751
00:40:52.900 --> 00:40:58.700
You have to let time reveal what only time can reveal so you can ask a lot of questions

752
00:40:58.700 --> 00:41:00.700
But these things only time can reveal

753
00:41:04.300 --> 00:41:06.300
So, um

754
00:41:07.620 --> 00:41:15.740
And I said this at the beginning I'm gonna say it now many times we are trying to evaluate husband-level qualities during discovery dating

755
00:41:18.180 --> 00:41:23.140
Husband-level qualities only only only come with time

756
00:41:24.140 --> 00:41:26.820
Anything before time is just what they say

757
00:41:27.580 --> 00:41:34.340
And you can say well is what I see. Yeah over three weeks. You ain't been no one on long enough. You can't justify it

758
00:41:35.620 --> 00:41:39.980
Anybody could do something for three weeks. How many y'all get on the diet and do good for a week?

759
00:41:40.700 --> 00:41:44.460
Talk to everybody. Yeah, girl. I'm eating this I'm doing it. That's what I'm doing

760
00:41:44.460 --> 00:41:49.200
I'm going to the gym. Look go on a vacation come back everything and one after wonder

761
00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:54.200
But you were committed you were dedicated like we can see these in simple things in life

762
00:41:56.280 --> 00:41:59.320
Or that weekend that you go on the sugar binge some I

763
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:04.420
Have to fight money tears and wins get back sugar get back. I'm not doing you no more

764
00:42:04.440 --> 00:42:10.120
I'm all for you like sugar fights me for at least three days through the week if I went on the sugar binge on the weekend

765
00:42:10.280 --> 00:42:12.280
It is like

766
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:14.320
Just loose me and let me go

767
00:42:14.760 --> 00:42:20.680
But so you got to keep those things in mind these are natural things and you can see all around you it's just called a process

768
00:42:22.040 --> 00:42:29.760
What if God is asking you to trust the process? I want y'all to hear that question again and let it sit down on the inside

769
00:42:31.240 --> 00:42:34.720
What if God is asking you to trust the process?

770
00:42:39.600 --> 00:42:44.280
What do you think about that put your thoughts in the in the comment section

771
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:46.320
What if God is asking you to trust the process?

772
00:42:55.400 --> 00:43:01.280
What if your marriage is not a suddenly it is hard come on tell the truth

773
00:43:01.640 --> 00:43:03.640
You

774
00:43:11.520 --> 00:43:15.280
Yeah, it's been a bit discouraging yep, he teaches me so much about it

775
00:43:15.280 --> 00:43:20.040
So yes, he does I've been trusting I've been trusted the process my entire life. No

776
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:25.960
It is a comforting thought he has it all under control. I can't mess it up. Okay

777
00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:33.680
It feels scary, but I guess that the definition of faith, huh, I know right who's fan out with these real definitions

778
00:43:33.680 --> 00:43:37.280
Are we like, are you serious? That's what this is because I didn't think it would look this way

779
00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:39.320
whoo

780
00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:46.040
Love this out and it's giving me the opportunity to trust the process in this job search it really like dating for discovery

781
00:43:46.040 --> 00:43:48.040
Oh, yeah

782
00:43:48.440 --> 00:43:51.000
Yeah impatient, but I want to grow in there

783
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:54.880
Feel like it's been a long time already

784
00:43:55.960 --> 00:44:02.800
Yeah, if God is asking me to trust the process I want to respond. Will you let me trust you in an expedient time frame?

785
00:44:03.160 --> 00:44:08.000
Yes, that's good. Um, I want you all to

786
00:44:08.680 --> 00:44:11.880
Really sit with this because that is the truth

787
00:44:15.800 --> 00:44:22.080
You've come to a cross and fork in the road the same way you had to trust God through your hard work if you actually

788
00:44:22.080 --> 00:44:25.480
Really dug in deep. This is this is the thing

789
00:44:26.120 --> 00:44:28.280
if I could tell you one thing that

790
00:44:29.120 --> 00:44:30.640
really

791
00:44:30.640 --> 00:44:33.800
trips us up in this process in the way that this

792
00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:36.680
the Lord has given this to Jackie is

793
00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:39.720
Us trusting God in the process

794
00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:48.240
Because we could trust him in one area and not know the way in the next area and that's okay because it's not one

795
00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:50.640
It's not one way fits all

796
00:44:51.320 --> 00:44:56.360
It's just not how that works with God everything affects you differently as an individual

797
00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:00.000
So where there's fear so

798
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360
Some people's like, yeah, I'm ready for the ride, but they're actually afraid to talk to somebody.

799
00:45:04.560 --> 00:45:07.920
So it feels like they're trusting, but actually they're not, they're hiding.

800
00:45:09.200 --> 00:45:13.600
And some people rush it because they fear, because they want certainty. Do you understand

801
00:45:13.600 --> 00:45:18.480
the different dynamics? Some of us say, I want a baby, I want children, hurry up God,

802
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:20.960
I'm not gonna be able to have children, I'm not gonna be able to have a family,

803
00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:25.360
hurry up God, hurry up God, as if he's not the author of family.

804
00:45:25.360 --> 00:45:35.600
And so we have these demands that oftentimes causes us to judge the father incorrectly.

805
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:42.160
And so sometimes we'll judge him and believe in our heart that he's withholding a good thing from

806
00:45:42.160 --> 00:45:49.440
us. Why would you withhold good from me? Okay, I've done everything I should do, where is he?

807
00:45:49.440 --> 00:46:01.760
Or even bigger question, if you had the answer, would you seek him the way you are now?

808
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:06.800
How many of us have spent more time seeking God since we wanted a spouse

809
00:46:06.800 --> 00:46:12.240
than any other areas in our life? You can be honest, it's okay, I mean,

810
00:46:12.240 --> 00:46:16.720
like it's a thing you really want, so it's very possible. Yeah, come on, that's right.

811
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:23.840
I know that I was very much, very, very, very much one of those hats that it really

812
00:46:23.840 --> 00:46:30.080
is a growth process. It really is a journey and God is trying to get to something in your heart.

813
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:38.160
But if that's the case, then go get you a man. You don't have to take this path.

814
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:45.360
There are some men out there that will marry you, but I know that you know

815
00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:49.600
that God has the best and you want quality.

816
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:59.680
And you know, don't nobody carry quality like the Lord. And that is the truth. And so,

817
00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:12.240
I honestly, I had to be honest with you, even in my own heart, that question triggers things for me.

818
00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:16.880
What is God asking you to express? So I feel little kinks going down in my heart, like,

819
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:21.120
yeah. So then my question, well, what do your process look like? And how long are you going to

820
00:47:21.120 --> 00:47:30.880
take? What is this about? And so how much longer do I have to wait? But what if we have a

821
00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:39.040
misunderstanding of waiting? What if heaven is waiting on us? What if you've never done it this

822
00:47:39.040 --> 00:47:45.040
way before? What if there are things in your heart, things in the way you think, things even

823
00:47:45.040 --> 00:47:50.160
in your family lineage, it can be that you've inherited that is the hindrance to you getting

824
00:47:50.160 --> 00:47:55.920
married and not the Lord. Do you believe the Bible says that he'll withhold no good thing from us?

825
00:47:56.880 --> 00:48:01.520
And so do I believe the scripture over my own experience? Sometimes our own experience is

826
00:48:02.240 --> 00:48:05.040
is much more real than the scripture.

827
00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:17.040
So, there's always something that heaven is working on in our hearts. I just believe it.

828
00:48:17.040 --> 00:48:21.920
I believe it because I'm a product of it. And I've said this many times to you all before,

829
00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:26.240
the man that I would choose today would not be the man that I would chose even four months ago,

830
00:48:26.240 --> 00:48:31.920
three months ago. This is how quickly I changed before my very eyes.

831
00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:40.640
And I see now that I would have cut myself way short because the woman that God has designed

832
00:48:40.640 --> 00:48:46.400
is a masterpiece. And I'm not talking from no high thing in my head. I look, he told me one

833
00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:53.280
day, he said, you would be amazed at the specs that I put on you. Watch me. Watch me show you

834
00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:58.720
how I designed you. You're going to be amazed. And I am still growing and still learning. And

835
00:48:58.720 --> 00:49:03.840
he has not fallen short of that word. And that is the same for each and every one of you. When

836
00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:09.360
heaven stamps something, you better believe it's the absolutely best because only extravagance

837
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:14.960
lives in heaven. Everything about heaven is extravagant. And that is the place in which

838
00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:19.440
you came from. And heaven has your very best. And I know it was a long process. You ain't got

839
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:28.400
to tell me, baby, we preach to the choir around here, but however the Lord is working to get you

840
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:35.120
to an expected end. The destination is sure, but I don't want you to miss your flight. I was

841
00:49:35.120 --> 00:49:41.440
listening to Reverend Sam Oye. He's from somewhere in Nigeria. I think it'd be Nigeria, somewhere

842
00:49:41.440 --> 00:49:46.960
over there. And he does a lot of teaching on kingdom marriage and things like that. And he

843
00:49:47.040 --> 00:49:52.960
said it resonated with me so much. He said, the destination is sure. It's this in-between space

844
00:49:52.960 --> 00:49:58.960
that you need to fix your eyes on. I've seen too many people get married in this program to know

845
00:49:58.960 --> 00:49:59.920
that the destination is sure.

846
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.960
sure we had over 1600 marriages i am convinced i tell the lord all the time i said i know

847
00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:10.160
marriage is not a hard thing so what's this we got going on here with me

848
00:50:12.480 --> 00:50:15.120
because it ain't hard this is a light thing to do

849
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:20.480
so that means you're doing something that i need to get on board with

850
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:24.800
so the destination is sure but it's the in-between time and it says what are you gonna do

851
00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:34.080
you're gonna sit around and wait but you're gonna get busy living your best life and being fulfilled

852
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:39.600
because the other option is to whine and cry and be mad and i've done it and it don't feel good

853
00:50:41.360 --> 00:50:45.200
and i've done it again it didn't feel good that time i mean you're a little while you know but

854
00:50:45.200 --> 00:50:52.400
then after that it's like oh this sucks anyway so we're gonna post the activation um for you

855
00:50:53.200 --> 00:51:00.240
and you ladies to do um and this is a really good one you can do it in a journal the letters are so

856
00:51:00.240 --> 00:51:04.320
small i have to hold the paper i think i'm gonna have to go to the eye doctor y'all let them get

857
00:51:04.320 --> 00:51:09.440
me some they say after you get 40 i'm not claiming something for myself so don't hear that but they

858
00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:15.120
say you have to i have to pull the back page back like this i'll be like oh i see i can see everything

859
00:51:15.120 --> 00:51:20.240
i remember seeing my mama do that and i see all my aunties do that they'll be like let me see

860
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:25.840
and so i have to pull back they say like you have to get the zoom in on it so the activation is

861
00:51:25.840 --> 00:51:32.320
gonna be you you ladies are gonna um we're gonna work on that certainty you're desiring to know

862
00:51:32.320 --> 00:51:35.920
certainty about everything you don't just do it in dating if you look over your life you do it

863
00:51:35.920 --> 00:51:44.080
over your whole life i know that i am definitely that um so you're gonna this the prompts are

864
00:51:44.080 --> 00:51:49.440
gonna be there what am i wanting certainty about and for everybody else it's gonna be something

865
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:53.600
different we have some people who are looking for a job we have some people who are looking to move

866
00:51:55.440 --> 00:52:00.640
you know uh there could be a lot of things i have a friend her dog is dying she wants

867
00:52:00.640 --> 00:52:05.440
certainty that he's gonna live you know we can have certainty about our children

868
00:52:06.160 --> 00:52:11.360
um wanting certainty about their paths and lives or what and then once you do that you ask yourself

869
00:52:11.360 --> 00:52:17.680
what emotion am i feeling and what fear might be underneath it and what has god already revealed

870
00:52:17.680 --> 00:52:19.120
that i can trust today

871
00:52:22.000 --> 00:52:26.160
that's a big one i'm gonna post and our last activation was amazing i hope y'all did it

872
00:52:26.160 --> 00:52:29.440
don't feel like i'm talking all over the place even though i am we're going somewhere

873
00:52:31.040 --> 00:52:36.800
but oftentimes you gotta take baby steps and say what is god revealing that i can trust right now

874
00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:42.960
because i can't live in six months from now a year from now and i can't live in scarcity

875
00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:52.960
it's it don't feel good it sucks actually and so what is god revealing right now that i can trust

876
00:52:52.960 --> 00:53:00.000
and so we're gonna post it and uh you'll have that too did anyone participate in the activation that

877
00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:08.400
we posted for last week anyone get a chance to take your stab at it i think that it was one of

878
00:53:08.880 --> 00:53:11.600
i think that it was one of the most important ones

879
00:53:13.600 --> 00:53:19.280
okay uh we're not we're gonna post it on the wall um kaylee so you'll have it everything

880
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:24.400
will be written out so you can see yeah it'll be up for a whole week that one was of course

881
00:53:24.400 --> 00:53:30.080
you're welcome that that activation helps with your nervous system and that certainty that you

882
00:53:30.080 --> 00:53:37.120
want and one of the one of the things you did in the activation was not assigning an outcome to

883
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:44.400
what you're observing do you know what that means that means i see something um let me pick on

884
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:50.880
somebody tiffany looks at me and she rolls her eyes i can pick on tiffany because she feels safe

885
00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:56.720
with me she rolls her eyes and i i attach an outcome to that oh it must be when i said this

886
00:53:56.720 --> 00:54:01.200
the reason why she's so upset with me well all i was doing was just doing what i was supposed to do

887
00:54:01.200 --> 00:54:06.640
or i was just seeing what i needed to say it really wasn't against her i took her action

888
00:54:06.640 --> 00:54:14.160
and made a sign of something i took an observation i made and i assigned an outcome to it or if

889
00:54:14.160 --> 00:54:17.680
somebody's supposed to take you back and then it takes you back well i guess they talking to plenty

890
00:54:17.680 --> 00:54:22.400
of women i guess they talking to somebody else they used to talk to me at this time like you

891
00:54:22.400 --> 00:54:28.640
could take anything and assign an outcome to it and so what happens is when we observe something

892
00:54:28.640 --> 00:54:34.320
instead of saying an observation when we assign an outcome to it we they usually come from the

893
00:54:34.880 --> 00:54:40.560
pathways in our brain fear is activated you're doing something to make you feel safe

894
00:54:42.080 --> 00:54:45.520
and then the nervous system is all worked up because now you're fearful you're only going

895
00:54:45.520 --> 00:54:48.800
to feel fear if this nervous system is worked up you're going to feel something

896
00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:54.960
joy fear whatever you associate these things with and so in dating it is very important

897
00:54:54.960 --> 00:54:59.840
that you learn the skill of not attaching an outcome to your observations

898
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000
And it is very challenging, very, very, very challenging.

899
00:55:05.900 --> 00:55:09.320
Okay, was that good ladies?

900
00:55:12.060 --> 00:55:15.580
Yup, let's unmute a couple of people

901
00:55:15.580 --> 00:55:17.940
and give me an aha moment that you had.

902
00:55:17.940 --> 00:55:19.300
Cause I don't hear from y'all enough.

903
00:55:19.300 --> 00:55:22.000
I'm gonna stop putting y'all in breakout rooms.

904
00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:23.620
What's something that was said tonight

905
00:55:23.620 --> 00:55:25.340
that was like, it really resonated with you?

906
00:55:25.340 --> 00:55:28.740
Like, oh wow, go for it, anybody.

907
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:35.000
Yeah, certainty for me, definitely certainty.

908
00:55:36.300 --> 00:55:37.420
Certainty, yeah.

909
00:55:37.420 --> 00:55:41.300
Yeah, yeah, cause I tend to do that a lot.

910
00:55:42.260 --> 00:55:45.820
And the way that you explained it,

911
00:55:45.820 --> 00:55:49.700
the difference between being curious and certainty,

912
00:55:49.700 --> 00:55:54.700
I think would definitely make a huge change.

913
00:55:54.740 --> 00:55:58.140
Like it, you know, it would be very good for me.

914
00:55:59.120 --> 00:56:01.320
Yeah, yeah, for sure.

915
00:56:01.320 --> 00:56:03.420
Yeah, thank you for sharing.

916
00:56:03.420 --> 00:56:07.560
It has made all the difference in my life, for sure.

917
00:56:07.560 --> 00:56:09.640
If I actually pull it out really well.

918
00:56:11.760 --> 00:56:16.400
I'm bobbing weave in and out sometimes, yeah.

919
00:56:16.400 --> 00:56:17.340
Anyone else?

920
00:56:19.680 --> 00:56:22.720
For me, it was when you explained the difference

921
00:56:22.720 --> 00:56:27.720
between certainty and curiosity and what that looks like.

922
00:56:28.100 --> 00:56:29.140
Yeah.

923
00:56:29.140 --> 00:56:31.420
And I needed the practical of what that looks like.

924
00:56:31.420 --> 00:56:33.140
So that was good, thank you.

925
00:56:33.140 --> 00:56:34.380
Oh, you're welcome.

926
00:56:34.380 --> 00:56:36.860
And let us, anytime I say something, you need a practical,

927
00:56:36.860 --> 00:56:39.180
I'm a very practical, give me an example.

928
00:56:39.180 --> 00:56:42.780
Say, please give me an example of what you're saying.

929
00:56:43.620 --> 00:56:44.620
And I'll be happy to do that.

930
00:56:44.620 --> 00:56:45.980
Anybody else want to share?

931
00:56:48.060 --> 00:56:49.340
Yeah, I was gonna just say

932
00:56:49.340 --> 00:56:52.500
when you had said no good thing will he withhold.

933
00:56:52.500 --> 00:56:54.820
Cause I kind of feel like I'm in sometimes

934
00:56:54.820 --> 00:56:55.640
in the back of my mind,

935
00:56:55.660 --> 00:56:57.860
like I'm trying to wrench this from his hand

936
00:56:59.100 --> 00:57:00.580
instead of realizing that it might

937
00:57:00.580 --> 00:57:02.260
just be part of his design.

938
00:57:03.220 --> 00:57:05.420
Yeah, that's so good.

939
00:57:05.420 --> 00:57:07.100
How many of us try to wrench it from a hand?

940
00:57:07.100 --> 00:57:09.440
I'm like, you can let it go, God.

941
00:57:12.100 --> 00:57:16.620
I liked where you talked about pattern

942
00:57:17.940 --> 00:57:22.940
indicating the ability to lead

943
00:57:23.160 --> 00:57:26.720
those patterns really in the moments you said.

944
00:57:28.280 --> 00:57:33.280
That really is that consistency that you look for over time

945
00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:36.200
and it can't be rushed.

946
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:39.880
I want it to be, but I can't make it be.

947
00:57:40.880 --> 00:57:42.720
I know, that's true.

948
00:57:42.720 --> 00:57:44.880
And Ms. Bunny, how long were you married?

949
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:46.280
Tell us again.

950
00:57:46.280 --> 00:57:48.320
36 years.

951
00:57:48.320 --> 00:57:51.280
36 years until your husband went on to Glory Lane.

952
00:57:51.280 --> 00:57:52.380
Is that right?

953
00:57:53.240 --> 00:57:54.080
Yes.

954
00:57:54.080 --> 00:57:56.360
So you know, Ms. Bunny was married 36 years

955
00:57:56.360 --> 00:57:58.520
and she's telling you y'all it's the truth.

956
00:57:58.520 --> 00:57:59.940
It is the truth.

957
00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:03.080
It is the truth.

958
00:58:03.080 --> 00:58:08.080
I have to say, you say such good things.

959
00:58:08.080 --> 00:58:10.640
And I mean, I'm not trying to flatter you.

960
00:58:10.640 --> 00:58:13.400
I'm trying to confirm you.

961
00:58:13.400 --> 00:58:15.160
Thank you, I appreciate it.

962
00:58:16.240 --> 00:58:18.680
Yeah, it's true, it's true.

963
00:58:18.700 --> 00:58:19.540
Anybody else?

964
00:58:19.540 --> 00:58:22.520
I saw someone post in the chat.

965
00:58:25.820 --> 00:58:28.220
I'm learning to trust this time, yeah.

966
00:58:29.460 --> 00:58:30.540
Ebony?

967
00:58:30.540 --> 00:58:31.660
Yes.

968
00:58:31.660 --> 00:58:33.580
I've missed you.

969
00:58:33.580 --> 00:58:34.740
I know, Nikki.

970
00:58:37.180 --> 00:58:40.780
But one thing that you said tonight, there's a lot,

971
00:58:40.780 --> 00:58:43.180
but when you said,

972
00:58:43.180 --> 00:58:45.740
when you're talking about trusting the process

973
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:50.760
and would we rely on God the same if we knew the answer,

974
00:58:51.280 --> 00:58:53.120
that would really hit me.

975
00:58:53.120 --> 00:58:53.960
Yeah.

976
00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:57.680
Because I wouldn't.

977
00:58:57.680 --> 00:59:01.160
That's the truth, I wouldn't rely on him the same way.

978
00:59:01.160 --> 00:59:02.460
And that's more important.

979
00:59:03.720 --> 00:59:04.880
Yeah.

980
00:59:04.880 --> 00:59:07.560
Yeah, it's true, I agree with you.

981
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:10.240
I mean, you know, yeah, I agree.

982
00:59:10.240 --> 00:59:12.160
He knows the truth about my heart too.

983
00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:15.320
Like, oh, I got my answer, move on to the next thing, yeah.

984
00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:19.360
And then to endure this process of learning,

985
00:59:19.360 --> 00:59:21.600
dating and the skills and all of that,

986
00:59:21.600 --> 00:59:24.760
it's like, look, all of us want an Amazon package.

987
00:59:24.760 --> 00:59:27.600
Y'all ain't on the boat by y'all self.

988
00:59:27.600 --> 00:59:28.440
Wala!

989
00:59:31.400 --> 00:59:33.360
But the Lord loves us too much.

990
00:59:35.840 --> 00:59:40.560
Ebony, I also wanted to add that I am coming out of that,

991
00:59:40.560 --> 00:59:42.740
whatever that was, situationship.

992
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:46.320
Yeah, I don't want to settle and I do want to,

993
00:59:46.320 --> 00:59:48.640
cause I was starting to kind of settle, you know,

994
00:59:48.640 --> 00:59:52.160
and like, oh, starting to already just let my mind go like,

995
00:59:52.160 --> 00:59:54.280
oh yeah, and my, you know,

996
00:59:54.280 --> 00:59:56.000
we're going to end up together and all that.

997
00:59:56.000 --> 00:59:57.320
But no, I praise the Lord.

998
00:59:57.320 --> 00:59:58.720
Cause I don't want that.

999
00:59:58.720 --> 01:00:00.680
And I definitely don't want to settle.

1000
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.240
And I, I want to have a quality husband and a quality and, and kingdom marriage.

1001
01:00:07.240 --> 01:00:13.840
So yeah, you talking about that was, yeah, I'm, I'm living it coming out of it.

1002
01:00:13.840 --> 01:00:14.840
Yeah.

1003
01:00:14.840 --> 01:00:15.840
Come on.

1004
01:00:15.840 --> 01:00:23.040
Like how you said, uh, kingdom marriage, uh, Sarah, that sounds really cool.

1005
01:00:23.040 --> 01:00:30.760
Um, but I wanted to say too, that, uh, I liked it, Ebony, when you said how everybody comes

1006
01:00:30.760 --> 01:00:37.300
to the table with fears, because sometimes I feel like I have a lot of fear and insecurity

1007
01:00:37.300 --> 01:00:44.360
and like, oh my gosh, I'm the only like person or I don't know, overthinking things.

1008
01:00:44.360 --> 01:00:50.160
And like, uh, it's good to remember, or sometimes I can be hard on myself.

1009
01:00:50.160 --> 01:00:56.120
Like when I make mistakes in talking to people and then I feel bad about it later, but I

1010
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:58.680
was like, well, would I react?

1011
01:00:58.680 --> 01:00:59.680
I don't know.

1012
01:00:59.680 --> 01:01:01.080
Would I react that way?

1013
01:01:01.080 --> 01:01:07.280
If the guy had said something weird, I don't know how to, uh, yeah.

1014
01:01:07.280 --> 01:01:09.280
Like self-compassion, I guess.

1015
01:01:09.280 --> 01:01:10.280
Yeah.

1016
01:01:10.280 --> 01:01:11.280
Mm-hmm.

1017
01:01:11.280 --> 01:01:12.280
Yeah.

1018
01:01:12.280 --> 01:01:13.280
That's good.

1019
01:01:13.280 --> 01:01:14.280
Yeah.

1020
01:01:14.280 --> 01:01:15.280
Those are real things.

1021
01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:17.920
Really, really good things.

1022
01:01:17.920 --> 01:01:18.920
Anybody else?

1023
01:01:19.680 --> 01:01:20.680
Okay.

1024
01:01:20.680 --> 01:01:23.680
Karen, go for it.

1025
01:01:23.680 --> 01:01:24.680
Okay.

1026
01:01:24.680 --> 01:01:25.680
Okay.

1027
01:01:25.680 --> 01:01:35.200
Uh, I just want to give praise to God and testimony of, even though I'm not utilizing

1028
01:01:35.200 --> 01:01:40.320
these skills quite to the degree in the dating world, because there's not as much opportunity,

1029
01:01:40.320 --> 01:01:45.840
I so see how your coaching, how the heart work is playing into this job search.

1030
01:01:45.840 --> 01:01:46.840
Yeah.

1031
01:01:46.840 --> 01:01:53.440
And it's been so fun to remain curious, but then I've also seen, you know, when you notice

1032
01:01:53.440 --> 01:02:00.360
yourself dating for discovery, I'm really discovering myself in the job process of having

1033
01:02:00.360 --> 01:02:06.640
an interview and like making a conclusion based on just like one, you know, 45 minute

1034
01:02:06.640 --> 01:02:11.680
conversation with two guys at a flooring store.

1035
01:02:11.680 --> 01:02:15.320
And then thinking, no, they're a hot mess.

1036
01:02:15.320 --> 01:02:18.800
Like this is like, I don't want to be part of that company.

1037
01:02:18.800 --> 01:02:22.600
And then a few days later, one of the owners calls me and is going to give me an offer.

1038
01:02:22.600 --> 01:02:27.000
I was like, huh, maybe I need to find out more, just more about this.

1039
01:02:27.000 --> 01:02:28.000
Maybe I jumped to the conclusion.

1040
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:29.000
Yeah.

1041
01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:35.400
So it's just so interesting to use the dating skills and the job search and it's been really

1042
01:02:35.400 --> 01:02:36.400
fun.

1043
01:02:36.400 --> 01:02:44.880
And God's been so kind to give a lot of networking and I haven't had to go on Indeed yet.

1044
01:02:44.880 --> 01:02:45.880
Like it's been really fun.

1045
01:02:45.880 --> 01:02:46.880
That's awesome.

1046
01:02:46.880 --> 01:02:47.880
Yeah.

1047
01:02:47.880 --> 01:02:48.880
Yeah.

1048
01:02:48.880 --> 01:02:49.880
That's so awesome.

1049
01:02:49.880 --> 01:02:54.880
I want to do a little, what's the little fun, ta-da.

1050
01:02:54.880 --> 01:03:03.960
I'm so glad you shared that because dating skills are life skills is how we show up.

1051
01:03:03.960 --> 01:03:08.920
They transitioned me to another school because my particular school wasn't going to have

1052
01:03:08.920 --> 01:03:11.720
third grading up anymore.

1053
01:03:11.720 --> 01:03:15.000
And so when they moved me to the new school, everybody kept saying, did they give you the

1054
01:03:15.000 --> 01:03:16.000
position?

1055
01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:17.000
Did they give you your third grade?

1056
01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:18.000
Did they give you your third grade?

1057
01:03:18.000 --> 01:03:19.000
Because our school would make changes.

1058
01:03:19.000 --> 01:03:20.000
Did they give you your third grade?

1059
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:21.000
Did you get third grade?

1060
01:03:21.000 --> 01:03:26.320
It's like, they said they was, I don't know, but I just never got hooked on anything and

1061
01:03:26.320 --> 01:03:27.320
I remained curious.

1062
01:03:27.320 --> 01:03:33.360
Now, one of my reasons why I was able to remain curious in such a way is because I knew that

1063
01:03:33.360 --> 01:03:35.920
the Lord would place me where he wanted me.

1064
01:03:35.920 --> 01:03:39.920
I started teaching because he called me to the classroom.

1065
01:03:39.920 --> 01:03:43.480
So I never trusted them with my destiny.

1066
01:03:43.480 --> 01:03:47.600
And so sure enough, when I get to this school, I'm like, where's my third grade classroom?

1067
01:03:47.600 --> 01:03:50.160
And she's like, oh, let's just view it a little while.

1068
01:03:50.160 --> 01:03:53.760
She's like, here's your new team, first grade.

1069
01:03:53.760 --> 01:03:57.680
And she said, my eyes got huge.

1070
01:03:57.680 --> 01:03:58.680
And I say, what's that you say?

1071
01:03:58.680 --> 01:03:59.680
She's like, first grade.

1072
01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:04.800
And so some of the other teachers, they were like, well, I can't believe they did you like

1073
01:04:04.800 --> 01:04:05.800
that.

1074
01:04:05.800 --> 01:04:06.800
I said, well, they didn't do anything to me.

1075
01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:07.800
They're going to pay me to work.

1076
01:04:07.800 --> 01:04:08.800
They didn't do anything to me.

1077
01:04:08.800 --> 01:04:09.800
And they're like, oh, that's how you see it.

1078
01:04:09.800 --> 01:04:10.800
I'm like, yeah.

1079
01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:11.800
You know, but it was from, I just never set uncertainty.

1080
01:04:11.800 --> 01:04:12.800
And so when you say that, it made me think of that as well.

1081
01:04:12.800 --> 01:04:13.800
I just, I wasn't certain.

1082
01:04:13.800 --> 01:04:27.880
And I don't know.

1083
01:04:27.880 --> 01:04:32.400
And it's just so great to, every day I'm having different conversations.

1084
01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:36.160
Like today I had two different networking meetings.

1085
01:04:36.160 --> 01:04:40.840
And just every day, like, okay, Lauren, lead this conversation because I think my picker

1086
01:04:40.840 --> 01:04:42.560
is broken in the job market.

1087
01:04:42.560 --> 01:04:48.400
So I don't want to step into another job that was like this last 10 months.

1088
01:04:48.400 --> 01:04:49.760
So can you be really clear?

1089
01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:51.840
And he's being really clear.

1090
01:04:51.840 --> 01:04:54.640
And it was also so fun today, y'all.

1091
01:04:54.640 --> 01:04:57.300
I thought of everybody today.

1092
01:04:57.300 --> 01:05:00.000
This last networking coffee was.

1093
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.680
with some guy that, you know, we were just synergistic in ideas and entrepreneurship

1094
01:05:05.680 --> 01:05:09.920
and things like that. And I walked out of the coffee shop, I'm thinking, dang, why can't dating

1095
01:05:09.920 --> 01:05:15.200
be so fun like this? And why can't dating be as easy as like getting all these networking meetings,

1096
01:05:15.200 --> 01:05:18.720
like I meet one person, then they set me up with four more, and then they set me up with four more,

1097
01:05:18.720 --> 01:05:24.720
and like, the network grows. And I was just thinking that and smiling and just kind of like

1098
01:05:24.720 --> 01:05:29.680
having a good old time in my head. And so as jaunty, there was a guy walking towards me

1099
01:05:29.680 --> 01:05:34.400
who totally smiled, straight up smiled, I smiled right back at him, looked him in the eye,

1100
01:05:34.960 --> 01:05:42.720
practiced. And sure enough, he's like, how are you doing today? I was like, I'm doing fine. How

1101
01:05:42.720 --> 01:05:49.120
are you? He's like, doing well, doing well. And like, we just had a moment. Yeah, that never

1102
01:05:49.120 --> 01:05:55.200
happens in my town, y'all. Never. Oh, wow. And it really shows like that if you're having a good

1103
01:05:55.200 --> 01:06:02.160
time with yourself, it shows on your face. And a man is going to be like, she's having a good time.

1104
01:06:02.160 --> 01:06:09.600
I want a part of that. That's true. Even if it's a moment. So it was kind of fun. Thank you for

1105
01:06:09.600 --> 01:06:15.840
sharing. That's really good. I concur. Concur. Yeah. Concur. Yeah. So thank you for all the

1106
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:23.120
coaching. Oh, it is my delight. Yeah. Okay, Miss Bunny, I think you were next.

1107
01:06:25.920 --> 01:06:35.520
All right. I have two questions and a testimony. Okay. But I'll try not to be too long.

1108
01:06:36.720 --> 01:06:43.680
So I'll do the questions first. I am on dating sites.

1109
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:53.360
Finally. And there's sure a lot of people out there that I just want nothing to do with.

1110
01:06:55.280 --> 01:07:07.760
But there is a person who has liked me after I liked him. And we've been talking for

1111
01:07:08.800 --> 01:07:19.760
two days or three, something like that. And he knows the Lord. I am like, really?

1112
01:07:20.720 --> 01:07:30.160
Finally, somebody is actually walking with the Lord in their day-to-day and wants to share that

1113
01:07:30.160 --> 01:07:41.760
with a permanent marriage partner. And he's cute. I always be shocked when somebody loves the Lord

1114
01:07:41.760 --> 01:07:51.440
and they're cute. Okay. But now, so one of my questions, though, is he just asked tonight,

1115
01:07:52.560 --> 01:08:00.960
would it be okay to text, like phone text, instead of message on the dating site?

1116
01:08:02.480 --> 01:08:09.280
And I don't think we should yet, but I don't know how to tell him that in a way that, I mean,

1117
01:08:09.280 --> 01:08:20.000
he was very respectful and has been. And very transparent, which I love, because I am too.

1118
01:08:21.359 --> 01:08:31.359
But anyhow, so I don't want to sound like he's getting too far ahead, but I kind of feel like

1119
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:43.200
that is, because I don't even know his first name and he does not know mine. And so I don't think

1120
01:08:43.200 --> 01:08:52.479
it's time to do that yet. But I also need to know how do I get an anonymous number to give

1121
01:08:53.200 --> 01:09:04.479
in those situations for future and video? How do I do those anonymously? So that's my question,

1122
01:09:04.479 --> 01:09:13.359
but also how can I tell him nicely? I don't think we're there yet. I don't want to go.

1123
01:09:15.200 --> 01:09:16.800
And when do you think you'll be ready?

1124
01:09:17.520 --> 01:09:21.359
Well, I would like to know his first name first.

1125
01:09:22.080 --> 01:09:22.560
Okay.

1126
01:09:26.160 --> 01:09:26.720
I'm sorry.

1127
01:09:26.720 --> 01:09:29.120
The dating app, he must have his nickname on there.

1128
01:09:29.920 --> 01:09:34.640
It says, oh shoot, what does it say?

1129
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:38.560
Well, it's okay.

1130
01:09:38.560 --> 01:09:39.359
I forget.

1131
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:52.080
I forget. What it says or means is he thinks young. I just forget the wording,

1132
01:09:52.080 --> 01:09:55.120
but he is 12 years younger than me.

1133
01:09:56.560 --> 01:09:57.600
Oh, okay.

1134
01:09:58.320 --> 01:09:59.760
Yeah, which is fine.

1135
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.360
But I mean, I mean, it's fine with me and evidently seems to be with.

1136
01:10:07.640 --> 01:10:11.160
OK, so what we can do is.

1137
01:10:17.920 --> 01:10:20.680
OK, Miss Bunny, you're going to have to unmute again for me.

1138
01:10:24.160 --> 01:10:28.680
OK, so you can do this, you can do this one or two ways.

1139
01:10:29.240 --> 01:10:34.280
OK, respond to him and say, oh, you can respond to him and say,

1140
01:10:35.680 --> 01:10:39.520
getting my number is a great idea at a better time.

1141
01:10:39.880 --> 01:10:44.080
And so what I would like, if now we can just exchange names,

1142
01:10:44.080 --> 01:10:48.040
I want to know your full name and then you can tell them what your full name is

1143
01:10:48.440 --> 01:10:50.440
and say, you know, before we exchange numbers,

1144
01:10:50.440 --> 01:10:55.000
I will be really interested in doing a zoom call with you, a video chat.

1145
01:10:55.560 --> 01:10:58.120
And then we can determine where.

1146
01:10:58.120 --> 01:11:01.400
You know what? I am.

1147
01:11:01.920 --> 01:11:04.240
Not fearful, but I am.

1148
01:11:05.520 --> 01:11:08.560
Reluctant because.

1149
01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:10.800
And I'm going to have to face this.

1150
01:11:11.160 --> 01:11:13.240
I have tremors.

1151
01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:17.560
My head, my body, my voice box,

1152
01:11:18.320 --> 01:11:22.680
my hands tremble and it's benign.

1153
01:11:22.680 --> 01:11:26.120
It's not Parkinson's, but people think it is.

1154
01:11:26.360 --> 01:11:29.360
Uh huh. And so.

1155
01:11:29.360 --> 01:11:33.240
I guess I'm not ready for him to see that yet.

1156
01:11:33.840 --> 01:11:38.040
OK, so no, don't be sad, OK?

1157
01:11:39.120 --> 01:11:41.320
Oh, no, it is OK.

1158
01:11:41.320 --> 01:11:42.760
This is your journey.

1159
01:11:42.760 --> 01:11:46.360
And you get to wait until you trust getting to know

1160
01:11:46.360 --> 01:11:48.680
until you get to know him a little bit better

1161
01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:52.160
before you share their personal information about yourself.

1162
01:11:52.800 --> 01:11:56.480
OK, so I'm not.

1163
01:11:56.920 --> 01:11:58.000
So what you need.

1164
01:11:58.000 --> 01:12:01.960
So in the text that you're going to send him, then you're going to say, hey,

1165
01:12:01.960 --> 01:12:05.360
exchange your numbers is a great idea, but I would like to stay on the app

1166
01:12:05.360 --> 01:12:07.920
a little while longer to get to know you.

1167
01:12:07.920 --> 01:12:09.640
OK, thank you.

1168
01:12:09.640 --> 01:12:15.160
Yeah. And Kaylee made a really good, made a really good suggestion.

1169
01:12:15.640 --> 01:12:19.400
You can don't forget to ask for his name when you say that.

1170
01:12:19.800 --> 01:12:23.560
But you get this in like a couple of weeks to do a voice call.

1171
01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:29.280
OK. OK, I put the instructions,

1172
01:12:29.440 --> 01:12:33.240
I put the instructions on the wall on how you set up your Google voice number.

1173
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:35.720
Do you have a. Yeah, yeah.

1174
01:12:35.720 --> 01:12:37.680
I put it up earlier today.

1175
01:12:37.680 --> 01:12:39.640
OK. Yeah.

1176
01:12:39.640 --> 01:12:41.360
Now you're welcome.

1177
01:12:41.360 --> 01:12:43.400
Now this when I say this to you,

1178
01:12:44.240 --> 01:12:47.720
you don't want to go over two weeks texting someone that you don't know.

1179
01:12:48.400 --> 01:12:50.760
OK. That you have not seen,

1180
01:12:50.760 --> 01:12:54.320
because then you're going to run the risk of developing an emotional attachment.

1181
01:12:55.280 --> 01:12:57.920
Yeah. And that's.

1182
01:12:57.920 --> 01:13:03.080
Yeah. So you want time because you're not quite ready for some things.

1183
01:13:03.080 --> 01:13:05.240
And I'm not saying that you don't need more time.

1184
01:13:05.240 --> 01:13:08.200
A week and a half to two week mark.

1185
01:13:08.520 --> 01:13:12.200
It's important that you go ahead and have a voice call.

1186
01:13:12.200 --> 01:13:15.920
And at the voice call, either you're going to decide if you want to see him,

1187
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:18.080
but you what you don't want is money.

1188
01:13:18.080 --> 01:13:21.360
You can't you don't want to talk to a person for three weeks over the phone

1189
01:13:21.360 --> 01:13:24.600
and only their voice or a month or just their voice.

1190
01:13:24.960 --> 01:13:28.640
As a matter of fact, the longer you wait, not after your two weeks,

1191
01:13:28.920 --> 01:13:33.120
but the longer you wait, the harder it is going to be to reveal yourself to them.

1192
01:13:33.800 --> 01:13:35.160
It doesn't get easier.

1193
01:13:35.160 --> 01:13:39.040
It actually gets harder and you become more comfortable with the setup

1194
01:13:39.400 --> 01:13:43.320
because a lot of times companionship just does the job

1195
01:13:43.320 --> 01:13:45.320
depending on what phase of life we're in.

1196
01:13:46.600 --> 01:13:51.840
And so sometimes a lot of our more seasoned participants,

1197
01:13:52.240 --> 01:13:56.320
they'll they'll get caught up in talking for like a month and two months

1198
01:13:56.320 --> 01:13:57.280
and never seen each other.

1199
01:13:57.280 --> 01:14:00.280
But because there's a threshold you cross that you're like,

1200
01:14:00.480 --> 01:14:03.160
oh, I like it this way.

1201
01:14:03.160 --> 01:14:04.880
You know, it's harder.

1202
01:14:04.880 --> 01:14:07.480
I don't know what happens, but it actually gets harder

1203
01:14:07.480 --> 01:14:10.560
to want to see that person or to want to interact with them

1204
01:14:10.560 --> 01:14:12.920
any other way than what you're doing.

1205
01:14:12.920 --> 01:14:15.760
Well, I think it's because you invest

1206
01:14:16.360 --> 01:14:19.920
your information, your feelings, your time,

1207
01:14:20.280 --> 01:14:24.040
all of that, and it gets to be comfortable.

1208
01:14:24.440 --> 01:14:28.840
Yeah. And that's really what you're saying to look out for.

1209
01:14:29.240 --> 01:14:31.680
I agree with that, too. Yeah.

1210
01:14:33.120 --> 01:14:37.640
And so you're taking your time with this this this guy in

1211
01:14:39.200 --> 01:14:42.880
telling him you understand takes and sounds great for a later date.

1212
01:14:42.960 --> 01:14:45.920
You'll let him know when you're comfortable with that and then say,

1213
01:14:45.920 --> 01:14:47.920
but I would like to know your full name.

1214
01:14:47.920 --> 01:14:51.200
And then once he gives you his full name, you can offer your full name.

1215
01:14:51.920 --> 01:14:55.200
OK. That sounds good.

1216
01:14:55.800 --> 01:14:59.840
He is four hours away from where I live.

1217
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.000
Okay.

1218
01:15:02.000 --> 01:15:04.000
That's where he's located.

1219
01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:18.000
Okay. Okay. Now the testimony. I don't know if I did put this in the community chat, but it wasn't the main chat it wasn't the answer to.

1220
01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:23.000
Oh, so I don't know if you saw it. I didn't.

1221
01:15:23.000 --> 01:15:30.000
I went to a funeral last Saturday a week and a half ago.

1222
01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:46.000
And it was my stepchildren's mother's funeral. Okay, so my late husband's kids, their mother died. Well, she was married for like 30 years.

1223
01:15:46.000 --> 01:16:10.000
And he came over and sat next to me at the, we were all at tables afterwards, you know, and I was sitting with my daughter and her husband, he came over and sat with me, and, and he's began to tell me that his son was just diagnosed with Parkinson's.

1224
01:16:10.000 --> 01:16:16.000
And that's because he thought that's what I was with.

1225
01:16:16.000 --> 01:16:22.000
So I explained that was sorry that that had happened.

1226
01:16:22.000 --> 01:16:28.000
That is not what I have. So that we were talking to some.

1227
01:16:28.000 --> 01:16:43.000
The next day, the Lord showed me things that I did that are different in the dating world than they are in a friend type gathering. Okay.

1228
01:16:44.000 --> 01:17:00.000
As I counsel, I, my personality is just to help people feel welcome, help them feel comfortable reassuring people. That's, that's what I do.

1229
01:17:00.000 --> 01:17:23.000
I often do it with touch on the arm with my hand. Well, he was right next to me. And so I did that, you know, and I lean into people. And the Lord said, observe, don't analyze because when you counsel you analyze.

1230
01:17:23.000 --> 01:17:31.000
Okay. So he wants me just to observe. And he says, keep your hands to yourself.

1231
01:17:31.000 --> 01:17:43.000
And don't lean in because all those things are in a dating sense, an invitation.

1232
01:17:43.000 --> 01:18:00.000
Yeah. And I am not wanting to go there. That's my biggest weakness is intimacy wanting intimacy. Yeah. I mean, marital intimacy, but that's how things start.

1233
01:18:00.000 --> 01:18:25.000
And so it's like a new viewpoint that he's trying to show me in these situations that come up comes across differently than what you want. Yes. And so I thought that was so cool because it wasn't even a date, but he sure did show me stuff.

1234
01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:40.000
That was really good. I thought it was too. I thought it was too. Is he looking to, just a side note, that was really good. I liked it. Is he looking to, is he looking to remarry?

1235
01:18:40.000 --> 01:19:07.000
You know what? He was going through divorce with her when she died. So he wasn't a very popular person at the funeral. And so I was kind of trying to make him feel comfortable and accepted, you know, but no, I have no desire for him. No, no, no. And he does not know the Lord.

1236
01:19:07.000 --> 01:19:30.000
Oh, well, no, no, no. You ain't been living out the rest of your day like that. That's right. Yeah. Right. But I leaned in a lot too, Miss, when they said that it's really good that the Lord told you that because they said that when a woman is getting to know a man, if she leans in, that means she likes him more, that the fact that she starts to lean in.

1237
01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:48.000
And so I could see the tape and I catch myself leaning. I was like, lean back, girl, lean back. That's right. Yeah. Thank you for sharing, Miss Bunny. Thank you. You're welcome. Go for it, Cherish.

1238
01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:58.000
OK, so I think I just need some encouragement and guidance today from the ladies here and from you, Miss Ebony.

1239
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.920
I was really excited about phase two because when I was at phase one, I was 98% done and

1240
01:20:07.920 --> 01:20:11.560
just kind of hemming and hawing and maybe I need to forgive a few more people and maybe

1241
01:20:11.560 --> 01:20:12.560
I need to do a few more things.

1242
01:20:12.560 --> 01:20:15.720
And I felt the Holy Spirit say, wrap it up, move on.

1243
01:20:15.720 --> 01:20:19.620
And I was like, okay, I got really excited because I was like, Ooh, that means something's

1244
01:20:19.620 --> 01:20:21.120
going to happen.

1245
01:20:21.120 --> 01:20:27.800
But I got on the dating apps and have just been so discouraged this last week.

1246
01:20:27.800 --> 01:20:31.720
The one app that I'm paying for, it's like, there's like tumbleweeds in there.

1247
01:20:31.720 --> 01:20:35.320
It's like the old West, but without any like cowboys at all.

1248
01:20:35.320 --> 01:20:39.280
So it's been very discouraging in that aspect.

1249
01:20:39.280 --> 01:20:45.000
And then the, um, like the, uh, another app that I'm on, it just, every interaction has

1250
01:20:45.000 --> 01:20:46.200
been disheartening.

1251
01:20:46.200 --> 01:20:51.320
You know, I, I, one guy, I'll spare you all the stories, but I'll tell you two of them.

1252
01:20:51.320 --> 01:20:55.440
One guy, um, that I was talking to for about four days, I said, do you think we should

1253
01:20:55.440 --> 01:20:57.360
just chat on the phone?

1254
01:20:57.920 --> 01:20:58.920
And he was like, yes.

1255
01:20:58.920 --> 01:21:04.000
Um, and up until this point, like I, the first thing I do is I look at the age because sometimes

1256
01:21:04.000 --> 01:21:09.360
really young people reach out sometimes much older reach out and I get uncomfortable with

1257
01:21:09.360 --> 01:21:14.520
it going either way, but right before the call, he changed his profile and updated his

1258
01:21:14.520 --> 01:21:18.080
age and he was much older than he said he was.

1259
01:21:18.080 --> 01:21:21.680
And so I felt like he was being dishonest and I reached out and said, I'm uncomfortable

1260
01:21:21.680 --> 01:21:22.680
with the age difference.

1261
01:21:22.680 --> 01:21:26.680
And then his response was, was very rude.

1262
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:30.440
And these are all Christian men that are talking about how much they love Jesus.

1263
01:21:30.440 --> 01:21:36.200
And the other gentleman, um, you know, he said what he was looking for and it was like

1264
01:21:36.200 --> 01:21:37.800
a bullet point of things.

1265
01:21:37.800 --> 01:21:41.200
And one of the things he highlighted was being fit.

1266
01:21:41.200 --> 01:21:47.880
And I said, okay, well, I'm all of these things, but you needed to find fit because I ran eight

1267
01:21:47.880 --> 01:21:52.280
miles yesterday, but I'm also not a size two.

1268
01:21:52.280 --> 01:21:55.780
So then he was like, well, can you please put a picture of your full body?

1269
01:21:55.780 --> 01:21:59.940
And I was like, oh, okay, well, I guess, I guess I don't have full body shots, so I'll

1270
01:21:59.940 --> 01:22:00.940
do that.

1271
01:22:00.940 --> 01:22:04.380
And then it just devolved into this, well, are you intentionally trying to hide your

1272
01:22:04.380 --> 01:22:05.380
body?

1273
01:22:05.380 --> 01:22:10.660
And I was like, okay, um, I'm not deceptive.

1274
01:22:10.660 --> 01:22:13.220
Um, I'm no longer pursuing this.

1275
01:22:13.220 --> 01:22:15.620
We're off to a bad start.

1276
01:22:15.620 --> 01:22:17.700
And there've been other experiences.

1277
01:22:17.700 --> 01:22:27.220
So my first week has been very discouraging, um, and I know now why I got off the apps.

1278
01:22:27.220 --> 01:22:34.340
Um, but there are some victories because before the whole, I need to see your body shot, you

1279
01:22:34.340 --> 01:22:37.140
know, like would have been very upsetting.

1280
01:22:37.140 --> 01:22:39.380
And now it was just kind of like, wow, kick rocks, man.

1281
01:22:39.380 --> 01:22:40.380
You know what I mean?

1282
01:22:40.380 --> 01:22:43.340
I was just like, uh, you know, that's, that's what you like.

1283
01:22:43.340 --> 01:22:48.900
And if, if that's what you like, that's totally fine, but I'm not going to kind of, uh, play

1284
01:22:48.900 --> 01:22:50.700
a game, you know?

1285
01:22:50.700 --> 01:22:54.020
Um, so it's just been exceedingly discouraging.

1286
01:22:54.020 --> 01:23:00.900
So one, um, any guidance in that area and two, what apps are you guys using and are

1287
01:23:00.900 --> 01:23:01.900
they working?

1288
01:23:01.900 --> 01:23:02.900
Yeah.

1289
01:23:02.900 --> 01:23:05.420
Let us post your apps in the chat.

1290
01:23:05.420 --> 01:23:11.700
Um, and if you post the one you like, um, so that Cherish can see it, which ones are

1291
01:23:11.700 --> 01:23:13.340
you on now Cherish?

1292
01:23:13.340 --> 01:23:18.220
I'm on Holi and then I'm doing like the free Facebook, but they're both kind of like equally

1293
01:23:18.220 --> 01:23:22.820
frustrating, but I'm on that Holi, um, app.

1294
01:23:22.820 --> 01:23:23.820
Okay.

1295
01:23:23.820 --> 01:23:31.380
Um, uh, for instance, she on like Niner, like hinge paid version.

1296
01:23:31.380 --> 01:23:34.620
Um, Daisy said she's not on one yet.

1297
01:23:34.620 --> 01:23:36.140
Arc looks okay though.

1298
01:23:36.140 --> 01:23:43.260
Um, and Arc is, is still moving around, so they may not have a lot of people in your

1299
01:23:43.260 --> 01:23:44.260
area.

1300
01:23:44.260 --> 01:23:47.260
Um, those are, those are there.

1301
01:23:47.260 --> 01:23:58.980
Um, I do want to speak to this, that online dating within itself, you hear Jackie say

1302
01:23:58.980 --> 01:23:59.980
this all the time.

1303
01:23:59.980 --> 01:24:04.980
It's like swimming with the sharks sometimes, and it can be very discouraging from week

1304
01:24:04.980 --> 01:24:06.300
to week.

1305
01:24:06.300 --> 01:24:17.820
And so Kaylee wants to exchange numbers with you, Cherish, um, and it can be very discouraging.

1306
01:24:17.820 --> 01:24:21.940
And so one of the things that I would encourage you to do if you're feeling very discouraged

1307
01:24:21.940 --> 01:24:23.740
about it is to take a break.

1308
01:24:23.740 --> 01:24:25.100
You know, I was like, Oh, I just got started.

1309
01:24:25.100 --> 01:24:26.100
It's been one week.

1310
01:24:26.100 --> 01:24:27.100
Take a break.

1311
01:24:27.100 --> 01:24:28.100
But you really can.

1312
01:24:28.100 --> 01:24:29.100
You can wait three or four days if you want.

1313
01:24:29.100 --> 01:24:30.900
You can wait a week if you want.

1314
01:24:30.900 --> 01:24:35.780
So you may feel like there's no movement, but you can go to Home Depot to meet people.

1315
01:24:35.780 --> 01:24:36.780
You can meet people in the wild.

1316
01:24:36.780 --> 01:24:41.180
It's just a matter of if you want to say something to them first, if they don't, you can practice

1317
01:24:41.180 --> 01:24:42.180
smiling.

1318
01:24:42.180 --> 01:24:46.040
I'm not saying you don't do these things, but you can meet somebody, a guy at Home Depot.

1319
01:24:46.040 --> 01:24:47.500
You can meet someone at the grocery store.

1320
01:24:47.500 --> 01:24:52.180
I don't know what your town is like or how many people there, where do you live?

1321
01:24:52.180 --> 01:24:53.180
I'm in Colorado Springs.

1322
01:24:53.180 --> 01:24:54.180
Oh, Colorado.

1323
01:24:54.180 --> 01:24:55.180
I want to come to Colorado.

1324
01:24:55.180 --> 01:24:56.180
It's gorgeous.

1325
01:24:56.180 --> 01:24:57.180
Yeah.

1326
01:24:57.180 --> 01:25:00.180
I was just thinking, I don't know, I don't know.

1327
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.520
talking to one of my friends about coming there in the off season right now.

1328
01:25:00.180 --> 01:25:01.180
I don't know.

1329
01:25:01.180 --> 01:25:01.180


1330
01:25:03.720 --> 01:25:07.680
But there are other places you can meet guys, right?

1331
01:25:07.680 --> 01:25:11.040
You can find out if there are single events happening in the area.

1332
01:25:11.040 --> 01:25:13.560
You can find out if any events are happening in the area.

1333
01:25:13.760 --> 01:25:17.040
You can put on your best face and your best clothes and you can go out.

1334
01:25:17.040 --> 01:25:18.800
You can take a wing woman with you.

1335
01:25:19.000 --> 01:25:23.720
Dating apps aren't the only place to meet people, but there is a large group of them.

1336
01:25:23.920 --> 01:25:25.720
Now, the truth is about dating apps.

1337
01:25:25.920 --> 01:25:27.840
Also, you can match with so many people

1338
01:25:27.840 --> 01:25:31.680
and you barely come out with one with any sense sometimes.

1339
01:25:31.880 --> 01:25:33.240
And that's just barely.

1340
01:25:33.440 --> 01:25:35.120
And that's a real thing for all of us.

1341
01:25:35.320 --> 01:25:38.680
Every person on here, pretty much if they've been on a dating app,

1342
01:25:38.880 --> 01:25:41.680
they've said what you say and you've been on them before.

1343
01:25:41.880 --> 01:25:44.520
And so every time I do, I say the same thing like this.

1344
01:25:44.520 --> 01:25:46.040
Well, I don't even fool with these dating apps.

1345
01:25:46.240 --> 01:25:47.960
That's my thought. The same thought you had.

1346
01:25:48.160 --> 01:25:49.040
It's my thought.

1347
01:25:49.240 --> 01:25:53.480
And so we always encourage you to give it a break or to keep going because

1348
01:25:53.680 --> 01:25:56.560
something about the dating apps, the algorithm,

1349
01:25:56.760 --> 01:26:02.400
sometimes they'll flood you with quality men like, oh, oh, oh,

1350
01:26:02.400 --> 01:26:03.480
especially Facebook.

1351
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:07.160
And sometimes they can pull them out the bottom of the barrel.

1352
01:26:07.360 --> 01:26:10.680
And I think you're like, where did this fella come from?

1353
01:26:10.880 --> 01:26:12.560
So.

1354
01:26:13.560 --> 01:26:17.040
They didn't they didn't alleviate you, but that is the truth of the matter,

1355
01:26:17.240 --> 01:26:22.320
Cherish, and I believe that you could keep you should keep going.

1356
01:26:22.520 --> 01:26:27.400
And I think that you already have a level of expectation for dating.

1357
01:26:27.600 --> 01:26:29.760
So I think that you should use that.

1358
01:26:29.960 --> 01:26:32.080
Oh, Karen is in Colorado spring.

1359
01:26:32.280 --> 01:26:35.160
Oh, she's coming July, June 11th through the 15th.

1360
01:26:35.360 --> 01:26:38.600
I think that you should use that as a way to keep you encouraged.

1361
01:26:38.600 --> 01:26:40.880
So that means your expectations aren't very high.

1362
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:42.600
You've measured it for what it is.

1363
01:26:42.760 --> 01:26:45.880
And then you're going to look through what's there and see what you come up with.

1364
01:26:46.080 --> 01:26:47.520
Now, that is one of the things I do.

1365
01:26:47.720 --> 01:26:51.040
I'd be like, let me weed through and see what I can find here.

1366
01:26:51.240 --> 01:26:53.480
Because sometimes and I want to say this,

1367
01:26:53.680 --> 01:26:57.240
sometimes we believe if I stop looking or if I stop doing something,

1368
01:26:57.240 --> 01:26:58.440
I'm not going to find a mate.

1369
01:26:58.640 --> 01:27:00.840
And that's not true because you're not the driver.

1370
01:27:01.040 --> 01:27:02.920
The Lord is the driver.

1371
01:27:03.920 --> 01:27:06.720
And preparing you and developing you for marriage,

1372
01:27:06.720 --> 01:27:09.600
we do it through dating because that's one of the closest things that gets to your

1373
01:27:09.800 --> 01:27:13.360
heart. That string pulls differently than other

1374
01:27:13.560 --> 01:27:17.640
strings, but the father can develop you in all sorts of ways.

1375
01:27:17.800 --> 01:27:23.760
And so even while you're looking for a date, you can be growing in other areas,

1376
01:27:23.960 --> 01:27:28.200
learning other things, having different adventures, enjoying yourself,

1377
01:27:28.200 --> 01:27:32.720
doing things that you want to do, because at this point, do you have children?

1378
01:27:32.920 --> 01:27:35.320
I do. Well, grown, my son's 22.

1379
01:27:35.520 --> 01:27:39.440
Oh, so you get to live life how you want to basically at this age.

1380
01:27:39.640 --> 01:27:40.360
Yeah.

1381
01:27:40.560 --> 01:27:43.480
So you can get involved in a lot of different things.

1382
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:47.080
Those are my thoughts about it.

1383
01:27:47.320 --> 01:27:50.200
But it is going to look it's going to look up for you.

1384
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:52.040
You're going to go on dates.

1385
01:27:52.240 --> 01:27:54.040
I've seen it too many times.

1386
01:27:54.240 --> 01:27:56.560
It's an ebb and a flow.

1387
01:27:56.760 --> 01:27:57.960
OK.

1388
01:27:58.160 --> 01:28:00.640
Yeah. And take many breaks as you need.

1389
01:28:00.840 --> 01:28:04.800
You might meet your man while you're out enjoying your life, of course,

1390
01:28:05.000 --> 01:28:07.920
and doing something fun for you. That's a good idea.

1391
01:28:08.120 --> 01:28:09.400
Yeah.

1392
01:28:10.720 --> 01:28:12.720
OK, ladies, it has been fun.

1393
01:28:12.920 --> 01:28:15.400
We're going to post the activation for everyone to see.

1394
01:28:15.560 --> 01:28:17.280
I have enjoyed you all.

1395
01:28:17.480 --> 01:28:21.520
It is so good to see you, Theda, even though it's OK.

1396
01:28:21.520 --> 01:28:22.200
You don't have a camera.

1397
01:28:22.400 --> 01:28:25.160
Still good to see you, Kelly.

1398
01:28:25.360 --> 01:28:27.320
Friend, I call all of you, Luanna.

1399
01:28:27.520 --> 01:28:30.080
It's good to see all of you, Amanda and Daisy.

1400
01:28:30.280 --> 01:28:33.600
And I just got right in.

1401
01:28:33.800 --> 01:28:35.520
I'm about to mess your name up again,

1402
01:28:35.720 --> 01:28:40.240
but you're in Houston and your name is K-A-N-Y-I-N.

1403
01:28:40.440 --> 01:28:42.440
Yep, Connie.

1404
01:28:42.640 --> 01:28:43.720
That's right, Connie.

1405
01:28:43.720 --> 01:28:46.600
It's so good to see you and Shelly, everybody.

1406
01:28:46.800 --> 01:28:48.680
If you guys didn't get a chance to watch

1407
01:28:48.880 --> 01:28:51.720
the prophetic gathering from Sunday, go check it out.

1408
01:28:51.720 --> 01:28:52.640
It was really good.

1409
01:28:52.640 --> 01:28:54.600
Some really good words, very encouraging words.

1410
01:28:54.600 --> 01:28:56.360
I think you should jump over and catch

1411
01:28:56.560 --> 01:29:01.240
a replay if they posted it because you will be encouraged by it.

1412
01:29:01.440 --> 01:29:02.760
And you're welcome, Theda.

1413
01:29:02.960 --> 01:29:04.240
I need some updates, ma'am.

1414
01:29:04.440 --> 01:29:07.720
Email me, post or do something.

1415
01:29:07.920 --> 01:29:09.920
I need to hear from you and what you're

1416
01:29:09.920 --> 01:29:13.560
doing and why you're doing what you're doing, whatever it is.

1417
01:29:13.760 --> 01:29:17.240
Give me a thumbs up if you heard my message, Theda.

1418
01:29:17.440 --> 01:29:18.920
Give me a heart.

1419
01:29:19.120 --> 01:29:22.040
Oh, you're welcome, as always.

1420
01:29:22.240 --> 01:29:24.800
Oh, Theda, I see you coming.

1421
01:29:25.000 --> 01:29:27.280
Say your name again for me, Miss Jean.

1422
01:29:27.480 --> 01:29:29.520
I know I'm sorry I'm going to mess it up,

1423
01:29:29.720 --> 01:29:33.600
but I avoid saying it because I don't want to mess it up.

1424
01:29:34.720 --> 01:29:35.480
It's OK.

1425
01:29:35.680 --> 01:29:37.560
It's Edwidge.

1426
01:29:38.120 --> 01:29:39.160
Say it again.

1427
01:29:39.360 --> 01:29:40.600
Edwidge.

1428
01:29:40.800 --> 01:29:42.280
Edwidge.

1429
01:29:42.480 --> 01:29:43.400
Edwidge.

1430
01:29:43.600 --> 01:29:45.200
Edwidge.

1431
01:29:45.400 --> 01:29:47.920
You said it so beautifully. Edwidge.

1432
01:29:48.120 --> 01:29:50.560
Edwidge. Edwidge.

1433
01:29:50.760 --> 01:29:52.920
Because I be saying Edwidge and I'm like, that ain't it.

1434
01:29:53.120 --> 01:29:54.320
Edwidge.

1435
01:29:54.520 --> 01:29:56.400
No, people say it like that, too.

1436
01:29:56.600 --> 01:29:58.680
I grew up with them saying it either way.

1437
01:29:58.880 --> 01:29:59.760
It didn't matter to me.

1438
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.400
Oh, okay. Good. Ladies, if you're in Austin or in San Antonio or, I mean, yeah, or in

1439
01:30:07.400 --> 01:30:12.800
Temple or in surrounding towns, Alexandra's going to post, we're going to all hang out.

1440
01:30:12.800 --> 01:30:16.680
I hope to get over and to help her move into her new apartment. By the grace of God, he's

1441
01:30:16.680 --> 01:30:22.160
relodicated her back to, not back, to Austin. It has been a long journey for her. She had

1442
01:30:22.160 --> 01:30:27.600
been praying into this thing and the Lord has made it happen. And so we're believing.

1443
01:30:27.600 --> 01:30:32.920
I believe that spouses are definitely a lot of times associated with geographical locations.

1444
01:30:32.920 --> 01:30:37.200
I've seen it too many times not to know it to be true. And so we're believing that her

1445
01:30:37.200 --> 01:30:42.400
husband is in Austin waiting for her. And so, so are we. So we're celebrating her arrival

1446
01:30:42.400 --> 01:30:48.240
in a good old fashioned Texas way. So, all right, ladies, have a good night. And Fran,

1447
01:30:48.240 --> 01:30:53.920
we need to, have you had a date? You've been on a date yet, Fran? You're so young and pretty.

1448
01:30:53.920 --> 01:31:01.600
I don't know how you keep the mouth of you. Oh, thank you. You're too kind. I've been on dates,

1449
01:31:01.600 --> 01:31:06.880
but I think I mentioned it last time. It's just like, when I don't feel the attraction,

1450
01:31:06.880 --> 01:31:13.680
I'm very reserved and I feel like they can maybe feel it. I don't know, but yeah. First dates are

1451
01:31:13.680 --> 01:31:21.440
okay. Second dates are hard to get. I don't know. You're welcome. A lot of times men, most men,

1452
01:31:21.440 --> 01:31:27.120
most all men, I've heard this from men from all levels. Most all men are very insecure.

1453
01:31:29.440 --> 01:31:35.600
Most all men deal with insecurity. Boys are not loved very well growing up. They're taught to be

1454
01:31:35.600 --> 01:31:40.880
strong and don't cry and don't show emotions. And so they spend most of their life actually

1455
01:31:40.880 --> 01:31:48.240
boxed in, never being able to express emotions, always encouraged not to do it. And so men have

1456
01:31:48.240 --> 01:31:55.520
a very low, oftentimes you'll see very low self-esteem. And so if they feel like you're

1457
01:31:55.520 --> 01:32:00.640
not attracted to them, a lot of times you do see that, but you can always tell a guy that you had

1458
01:32:00.640 --> 01:32:06.640
a great time and you want to go on another date with them. And so if you do that and they still

1459
01:32:06.640 --> 01:32:11.120
don't say anything, I don't know what you're talking about on that first date, but if you

1460
01:32:11.120 --> 01:32:21.280
have a list out friend, we need to talk. Oh my God. Yeah. I don't know. It's really hard

1461
01:32:21.280 --> 01:32:24.560
because I feel like most of the guys who approach me, not that they're not cute.

1462
01:32:25.120 --> 01:32:29.760
I did some self-introspection. They are cute, but they're not necessarily the type I'm looking for.

1463
01:32:29.760 --> 01:32:36.160
And so that's also a barrier that when I meet with them, I'm very reserved and I'm waiting for

1464
01:32:36.960 --> 01:32:42.240
some other stuff to make us connect. But I know that I'm so reserved that it's also hard for them

1465
01:32:42.240 --> 01:32:50.400
to actually. So what you probably want to do is get you some conversation starters. Now that you're

1466
01:32:50.400 --> 01:32:56.160
aware of yourself and see them as a person and just have fun, tell yourself, this is low stakes.

1467
01:32:56.160 --> 01:33:02.320
I'm just going to have fun. And then you can tell them, Hey, I am very reserved, but I'm excited to

1468
01:33:02.720 --> 01:33:09.200
get to know you. Statements like that. Let people know that I am not opposed to you. I am reserved

1469
01:33:09.200 --> 01:33:19.360
by nature. And it's a very easy statement to make. Like so happy to be getting to know you today.

1470
01:33:19.360 --> 01:33:23.440
I just want to tell you a heads up. I'm very reserved and it's hard for me to shake myself

1471
01:33:23.440 --> 01:33:26.960
out of myself, but I'm here and I'm present and I'm happy to be here.

1472
01:33:27.600 --> 01:33:29.600
It is shift things for you.

1473
01:33:31.200 --> 01:33:38.240
And also one thing I noticed, I don't know if I'm the only one, but I think past 33, like the

1474
01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:45.680
type of guy that I attract is very different from before. So I blame it on like getting older and

1475
01:33:45.680 --> 01:33:52.560
like, you know, like the age thing is a real thing for women, unfortunately. But I feel like I'm

1476
01:33:53.360 --> 01:33:56.800
But I feel like I'm attracting a lot of people who are new to the country too.

1477
01:33:57.440 --> 01:34:02.240
So they all come from, yeah. So when I ask them, they're like, Oh, I've been in the country for

1478
01:34:03.040 --> 01:34:08.080
two years, a year, three years, less than five years. And I'm like, that's not what I'm looking

1479
01:34:08.080 --> 01:34:14.320
for. Because I feel like if you're new to a country, you're building and I'm 36 years old.

1480
01:34:14.320 --> 01:34:20.240
I'm not like, I don't want to carry a man that's building. I need someone who's with whom I can

1481
01:34:20.240 --> 01:34:27.920
just rest. That's what I'm looking for. And so it's very discouraging as well, that the demographic

1482
01:34:27.920 --> 01:34:36.000
that keeps like, you know, reaching out to me is not what I'm looking for, basically.

1483
01:34:36.000 --> 01:34:41.920
Well, maybe can you make, adjust your number on the dating app to older guys?

1484
01:34:42.560 --> 01:34:50.160
Well, my range is like, I got lower because of the, you know, last year's single school.

1485
01:34:50.160 --> 01:34:58.240
So 32 to 46. So I got 10 years over. But um,

1486
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.040
Yeah, I don't know another thing to help you out with it

1487
01:35:04.600 --> 01:35:09.140
Sometimes you have to be able to identify if a person carries the tools to deal with

1488
01:35:10.680 --> 01:35:13.280
You have an idea about how to make your life comfortable

1489
01:35:13.920 --> 01:35:18.440
But God has an idea for a helper that he designed to come in and help

1490
01:35:19.200 --> 01:35:23.120
And so you saying I need a man who's gonna make my life comfortable

1491
01:35:23.120 --> 01:35:26.240
But God didn't make God didn't design to set up that way

1492
01:35:27.000 --> 01:35:30.600
Everybody has a role to play in the cultivation of an individual

1493
01:35:30.600 --> 01:35:37.800
and so what you want to know if you have the equipment to help cultivate somebody because a man can carry all the tools and

1494
01:35:37.800 --> 01:35:42.320
You can get with him in a year. Whatever life you had envisioned that you thought he couldn't give you

1495
01:35:42.320 --> 01:35:44.320
It'll be done with a helper by his side

1496
01:35:44.320 --> 01:35:47.960
And another thing that's important to understand about both men and women

1497
01:35:48.440 --> 01:35:52.840
Women come in already with the system built on the inside of them

1498
01:35:52.840 --> 01:35:58.640
And if they don't build upon themselves, they actually decline me and build as they grow

1499
01:35:59.080 --> 01:36:00.920
That's how it works for me

1500
01:36:00.920 --> 01:36:07.200
That's why a man in 55 can be more attracted to a woman because he's established and we desire that establishment

1501
01:36:07.920 --> 01:36:10.040
We desire for someone to be set up

1502
01:36:10.040 --> 01:36:15.920
And so oftentimes you'll see throughout the ages that women marry older men. The idea was they're more mature

1503
01:36:15.920 --> 01:36:21.000
it takes time for me and to mature not just maturity, but to build and

1504
01:36:21.600 --> 01:36:26.440
Whoever's going to come along and give you a certain type of life if they built to that level of

1505
01:36:26.720 --> 01:36:33.080
Establishment there is also a lifestyle that is required of them to or work ethic that is required for them to keep it

1506
01:36:33.080 --> 01:36:36.680
Especially depend on how far they go up. And so if you're starting to talk about

1507
01:36:37.480 --> 01:36:42.000
This is an example. I don't know tech which I'm just giving example. You take a high-earning man

1508
01:36:42.160 --> 01:36:45.480
It's a reason why a man is a high earner and you may say well

1509
01:36:45.480 --> 01:36:47.480
I want a high earner because I'm a high earner

1510
01:36:47.560 --> 01:36:51.120
Well that change the dynamics of what type of lifestyle you want in your house

1511
01:36:51.680 --> 01:36:54.280
That changes what type of relationship you want

1512
01:36:54.560 --> 01:37:01.080
Is this just an exchange of high bad with both of climbing the career ladder or then it's gonna cost you

1513
01:37:01.080 --> 01:37:03.600
It's like well, I don't mind my husband working 16 hours a day

1514
01:37:03.640 --> 01:37:09.640
It may sound like it at first but it's not gonna be like that always you should mind at some point because you actually want

1515
01:37:09.640 --> 01:37:13.760
A husband and not a machine and by the time he gets through don't he's doing when he comes home

1516
01:37:13.760 --> 01:37:17.520
He's too tired to be there. And so they're pros and cons to all these things

1517
01:37:17.680 --> 01:37:24.160
there is not a conversation to convince you but it is a conversation to have you to look for a person who has

1518
01:37:24.840 --> 01:37:28.000
tools in our is equipped to build and

1519
01:37:29.440 --> 01:37:31.440
some so

1520
01:37:33.680 --> 01:37:35.680
And so we have to

1521
01:37:35.720 --> 01:37:42.480
Sharpen our eyes to be able to identify the things that a person carries that with just a little push from the feminine

1522
01:37:43.160 --> 01:37:46.240
With just a little encouragement with baby, I know you can do it

1523
01:37:47.000 --> 01:37:51.800
Maybe you would have been built an empire in two years and you spent or spent seven years time

1524
01:37:51.800 --> 01:37:52.920
Are they just not my type?

1525
01:37:52.920 --> 01:37:58.120
They just not the one they just don't do this and they just don't do that and you've passed up one

1526
01:37:58.200 --> 01:38:04.080
That carries every quality you need to sustain you for the next 40 50 years. And so oh

1527
01:38:04.080 --> 01:38:11.160
It's a long story I was very open before I'm just getting at an age where I'm like, I need to raise my standards. That's I

1528
01:38:11.720 --> 01:38:17.120
Don't know what standards are not based on a finished product standards are based on as they can identify

1529
01:38:17.640 --> 01:38:19.640
What makes quality?

1530
01:38:20.160 --> 01:38:24.200
Because a person can be well established today and flat on their back tomorrow

1531
01:38:24.200 --> 01:38:28.600
And you can have a paraplegic for a husband that you pick because you thought he could give you a life

1532
01:38:28.600 --> 01:38:32.600
And now you be like, oh, I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a son. I'm gonna have a baby

1533
01:38:33.000 --> 01:38:39.720
And now you become the provider and you're his wife and now you're doing everything and so it's really

1534
01:38:40.320 --> 01:38:43.440
Interesting their life is interesting in that way

1535
01:38:43.440 --> 01:38:49.860
And so we have to become skilled and trained in how to select the makings of quality

1536
01:38:50.960 --> 01:38:56.720
Each part is integral. We have to pick ones that rank the highest that will produce what we want

1537
01:38:57.480 --> 01:38:59.640
and so, you know, I

1538
01:39:00.640 --> 01:39:02.280
I'm

1539
01:39:02.280 --> 01:39:07.280
Not looking for a millionaire. I'm just I just want to be clear out there. I'm not looking for that

1540
01:39:07.280 --> 01:39:11.680
I'm looking for someone that's about the same range as me not lower. That's that's all

1541
01:39:13.880 --> 01:39:20.200
Understand what you're looking for, but what I'm telling you is that the way you're choosing to look may not be serving you best

1542
01:39:21.280 --> 01:39:27.240
You're looking for finished products. But just because a product is not finished doesn't mean that it's not finished

1543
01:39:27.800 --> 01:39:32.120
The same way that you're believing for a spouse right now, there is an end result and

1544
01:39:33.040 --> 01:39:39.160
So it is it is a more beneficial for you to identify the makings of greatness

1545
01:39:39.560 --> 01:39:43.680
Then it is to look at somebody and say you're great. You may be great today

1546
01:39:43.680 --> 01:39:48.400
But I don't know what greatness looks like 10 years from now 15 years from now 20 years from now

1547
01:39:48.580 --> 01:39:52.880
Heaven knows that and you can identify those things that they carry that will produce that

1548
01:39:52.880 --> 01:39:59.960
It may give you a good running start so is it unrealistic to expect a 40 year old man

1549
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.040
to have his life together and have built a career.

1550
01:40:03.040 --> 01:40:07.100
I don't feel like it's too much to ask to a 40 year old man.

1551
01:40:09.240 --> 01:40:11.000
I don't know.

1552
01:40:11.000 --> 01:40:13.320
Well, I don't know what you determine

1553
01:40:13.320 --> 01:40:14.480
have your life together.

1554
01:40:14.480 --> 01:40:16.080
What would you like him to have?

1555
01:40:19.880 --> 01:40:21.800
What's your top thing he must have?

1556
01:40:24.360 --> 01:40:27.280
I think stability is the main thing for me.

1557
01:40:27.280 --> 01:40:28.580
So what is stability?

1558
01:40:30.420 --> 01:40:32.320
Being able to provide for yourself,

1559
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:35.840
for your loved ones, for your future family,

1560
01:40:35.840 --> 01:40:38.000
being emotionally mature.

1561
01:40:40.840 --> 01:40:41.800
What else?

1562
01:40:43.840 --> 01:40:48.120
Yeah, being kind, knowing that it's not all about taking,

1563
01:40:48.120 --> 01:40:50.680
but it's also about giving and not just romantically,

1564
01:40:50.680 --> 01:40:52.360
but just in life in general.

1565
01:40:54.320 --> 01:40:56.700
Your neighbors, your community, all that stuff.

1566
01:40:56.700 --> 01:40:58.440
I think that's what I'm looking for.

1567
01:40:58.440 --> 01:41:01.460
And then for a genuine love for God.

1568
01:41:01.460 --> 01:41:03.940
I used to want someone who knew more than I do,

1569
01:41:03.940 --> 01:41:05.140
but I don't anymore.

1570
01:41:05.140 --> 01:41:05.980
It's okay.

1571
01:41:05.980 --> 01:41:10.000
But I think like a genuine love for God,

1572
01:41:10.000 --> 01:41:11.140
I think is very important.

1573
01:41:11.140 --> 01:41:14.100
And I find that a lot of people are Christians,

1574
01:41:14.100 --> 01:41:18.100
but it's a lot of cultural thing and it's not a real faith,

1575
01:41:18.100 --> 01:41:19.700
but it's the culture you grew up in.

1576
01:41:19.700 --> 01:41:22.980
And so it's been an eye opener for me also,

1577
01:41:22.980 --> 01:41:24.740
which is why I'm not looking for someone

1578
01:41:24.740 --> 01:41:27.180
who can cite Bible verses and all that stuff

1579
01:41:27.180 --> 01:41:31.700
I'm looking for the genuine love and connection with God.

1580
01:41:31.700 --> 01:41:33.160
So, yeah.

1581
01:41:33.160 --> 01:41:34.000
I agree.

1582
01:41:34.000 --> 01:41:36.520
I think those are really great aspects

1583
01:41:36.520 --> 01:41:38.360
in a man to look for.

1584
01:41:38.360 --> 01:41:40.780
And of those things that you want,

1585
01:41:40.780 --> 01:41:43.840
because if a man wants a family or a wife,

1586
01:41:43.840 --> 01:41:45.880
he should be able to provide for them.

1587
01:41:47.280 --> 01:41:48.700
That's a non-negotiable.

1588
01:41:50.200 --> 01:41:51.960
If somebody wants a family,

1589
01:41:51.960 --> 01:41:54.440
they should have a place to bring them to.

1590
01:41:54.440 --> 01:41:56.680
You should have a table to put the food on.

1591
01:41:57.260 --> 01:41:58.860
So that's totally.

1592
01:41:58.860 --> 01:42:00.960
Which one of those areas are you willing

1593
01:42:00.960 --> 01:42:02.660
to help a man grow in?

1594
01:42:11.160 --> 01:42:12.380
That's a good question.

1595
01:42:12.380 --> 01:42:16.940
I feel like faith has to be there,

1596
01:42:16.940 --> 01:42:20.860
but I'm willing to, not me, but I have a circle.

1597
01:42:20.860 --> 01:42:23.580
I have people around, like I have brothers

1598
01:42:23.580 --> 01:42:25.620
who can be friends and help them grow.

1599
01:42:25.640 --> 01:42:28.920
I don't want to be that person that teaches you

1600
01:42:28.920 --> 01:42:31.960
about things of God,

1601
01:42:31.960 --> 01:42:34.800
but you cannot teach someone to love God.

1602
01:42:34.800 --> 01:42:36.720
So this has to be something

1603
01:42:36.720 --> 01:42:38.900
that they already have for themselves.

1604
01:42:40.480 --> 01:42:43.440
And I have in my circle, someone who married a person

1605
01:42:43.440 --> 01:42:46.300
that he now discovers was just a cultural Christian.

1606
01:42:46.300 --> 01:42:47.760
And I'm really like, that's something

1607
01:42:47.760 --> 01:42:50.320
that I'm very mindful of,

1608
01:42:50.320 --> 01:42:53.280
that I don't want to fall into that trap

1609
01:42:53.280 --> 01:42:55.080
where they say all the right things

1610
01:42:55.580 --> 01:42:56.900
and then you discover afterwards

1611
01:42:56.900 --> 01:43:01.260
that it's just religion and nothing else, you know?

1612
01:43:01.260 --> 01:43:02.660
So, yeah.

1613
01:43:02.660 --> 01:43:04.540
So we're not going to negotiate,

1614
01:43:04.540 --> 01:43:07.060
there's a non-negotiable in the spiritual area.

1615
01:43:07.060 --> 01:43:09.440
So what area are you willing to help in?

1616
01:43:10.500 --> 01:43:12.320
Let's talk about emotional maturity.

1617
01:43:12.320 --> 01:43:13.680
How do you define that?

1618
01:43:16.820 --> 01:43:17.660
I don't know.

1619
01:43:17.660 --> 01:43:21.300
Someone who knows how to master their feelings.

1620
01:43:21.300 --> 01:43:23.780
Self-control, I think is very important.

1621
01:43:26.080 --> 01:43:29.340
Yeah, I feel like self-control is very important.

1622
01:43:29.340 --> 01:43:32.300
They need self-control, it's true.

1623
01:43:32.300 --> 01:43:34.220
Do you master your feelings?

1624
01:43:35.060 --> 01:43:36.860
Yeah, some people say I'm too cold,

1625
01:43:36.860 --> 01:43:39.300
and I hold things too much.

1626
01:43:39.300 --> 01:43:41.660
So you don't master your feelings?

1627
01:43:41.660 --> 01:43:44.100
I do, I was raised by an African mom

1628
01:43:44.100 --> 01:43:49.100
and I saw her cry, like I can count them on my fingers.

1629
01:43:49.340 --> 01:43:50.700
So it's not something,

1630
01:43:50.700 --> 01:43:52.780
and she's very caring and very gentle,

1631
01:43:52.800 --> 01:43:55.760
but it's not something that she was like,

1632
01:43:55.760 --> 01:43:57.400
it's just a cultural thing, right?

1633
01:43:57.400 --> 01:44:00.600
So I grew up in the West though, so I have that.

1634
01:44:00.600 --> 01:44:05.600
And then I grew up in France, so, you know.

1635
01:44:05.600 --> 01:44:08.800
So you're not, you haven't mastered your emotions, right?

1636
01:44:09.760 --> 01:44:11.360
Why are you saying this?

1637
01:44:11.360 --> 01:44:14.160
Because your mom taught you to tough it up,

1638
01:44:14.160 --> 01:44:17.400
grin and bear it, do what you have to do.

1639
01:44:17.400 --> 01:44:18.960
It doesn't matter how you feel,

1640
01:44:19.940 --> 01:44:23.060
but it does matter how you feel.

1641
01:44:23.060 --> 01:44:25.700
And a woman who toughs it up and grins and bears it,

1642
01:44:25.700 --> 01:44:30.020
she tends to be less feminine because that's what men do.

1643
01:44:30.020 --> 01:44:32.220
So it's a very masculine trait.

1644
01:44:33.660 --> 01:44:36.620
And so when a man looks at a woman who looks masculine,

1645
01:44:36.620 --> 01:44:38.860
she looks hard and tough.

1646
01:44:38.860 --> 01:44:41.340
She's like a wall, right?

1647
01:44:41.340 --> 01:44:43.060
Now, my mom's not African,

1648
01:44:43.060 --> 01:44:47.220
but black women carry a very hard stance sometimes

1649
01:44:47.220 --> 01:44:49.000
because they had to suffer a lot.

1650
01:44:49.000 --> 01:44:50.160
They had to learn a lot.

1651
01:44:50.160 --> 01:44:51.880
They didn't have a man to lead.

1652
01:44:51.880 --> 01:44:56.000
So they have a very, do what you have to do.

1653
01:44:56.000 --> 01:44:57.480
You're gonna get it done.

1654
01:44:57.480 --> 01:44:59.160
That's a real thing.

1655
01:44:59.160 --> 01:45:00.000
And so that means.

1656
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.400
you may struggle more in your femininity area and growing in their softness.

1657
01:45:05.600 --> 01:45:10.600
And you may have to have a husband that understands his culture and

1658
01:45:10.600 --> 01:45:14.840
sees the softness in the femininity through those walls and knows how to

1659
01:45:14.840 --> 01:45:18.080
reach you. So he would come with a special skillset.

1660
01:45:19.960 --> 01:45:21.840
Most of the guys, sorry to cut you off,

1661
01:45:21.840 --> 01:45:26.520
but most of the guys who actually approach me are African man. So, um, I,

1662
01:45:26.520 --> 01:45:30.160
I don't, I'm not sure that it would be an issue for them because like,

1663
01:45:30.320 --> 01:45:31.360
I don't think it would be.

1664
01:45:32.920 --> 01:45:34.800
But this is what I'm saying to you. Yeah.

1665
01:45:34.840 --> 01:45:37.080
That's an excuse to what I'm saying to you.

1666
01:45:37.760 --> 01:45:41.720
You keep saying this perfection that you're looking for that you don't house

1667
01:45:41.720 --> 01:45:44.240
completely. So when you say to me,

1668
01:45:44.240 --> 01:45:47.680
a man has to be emotionally mature and this is the way he has to do it.

1669
01:45:47.960 --> 01:45:52.960
I'm asking you in what area are you required to have grace for a man?

1670
01:45:53.080 --> 01:45:54.200
Grace for a man.

1671
01:45:54.720 --> 01:45:58.160
Because if you're showing up and there's no grace to be required and you

1672
01:45:58.160 --> 01:46:00.360
respond like, well, I think a man should have this at this age.

1673
01:46:00.400 --> 01:46:01.520
I agree with you,

1674
01:46:02.600 --> 01:46:06.600
but I also agree that you have to recognize within yourself that no perfection

1675
01:46:06.600 --> 01:46:10.240
lies and that even within yourself,

1676
01:46:10.360 --> 01:46:14.120
there's growth to be had at the moment. You can conceive that.

1677
01:46:14.960 --> 01:46:17.560
Then you see people through a different lens.

1678
01:46:17.880 --> 01:46:22.240
You can actually look at a man and say, Oh, he, he has the bones of a good man.

1679
01:46:22.560 --> 01:46:25.320
I know a good man when I see one and that's one.

1680
01:46:26.240 --> 01:46:29.720
But when we look for perfection, it's hard to spot a good man.

1681
01:46:30.200 --> 01:46:35.200
The only thing we have are their words and our fear and our vetting system.

1682
01:46:37.480 --> 01:46:42.480
And that right there does not produce the best because it's,

1683
01:46:42.840 --> 01:46:44.920
it is, it is ran by fear.

1684
01:46:45.360 --> 01:46:50.360
It is ran by certainty and is ran by my eyes are watching you for the moment you

1685
01:46:50.640 --> 01:46:54.960
mess up. And inside of you, I already knew it. It's like, Oh yeah,

1686
01:46:55.000 --> 01:46:57.640
I already knew what I was watching. You weren't going to get by me.

1687
01:46:59.960 --> 01:47:03.240
That produces a different person when you show up on a date.

1688
01:47:04.160 --> 01:47:08.040
And so this has nothing to do with you settling at 43.

1689
01:47:08.160 --> 01:47:12.640
I would not marry a man who does not have the stability or the capacity to

1690
01:47:12.640 --> 01:47:13.800
sustain a family.

1691
01:47:15.680 --> 01:47:20.320
But I also know that emotional maturity can come in levels and there's a certain

1692
01:47:20.320 --> 01:47:23.080
level of emotional maturity that I require,

1693
01:47:24.000 --> 01:47:28.200
but there's also a space that I know that this man is only going to grow when he

1694
01:47:28.200 --> 01:47:31.680
gets with me and I'm not going to compromise on him being marriage man.

1695
01:47:31.680 --> 01:47:35.160
I'm not going to compromise on him being mature and I'm not going to compromise

1696
01:47:35.200 --> 01:47:36.880
on masculinity.

1697
01:47:38.720 --> 01:47:43.560
We show up different when we realize when we see ourselves rightly because then

1698
01:47:43.560 --> 01:47:47.520
we can see people rightly. That's what I'm saying to you.

1699
01:47:48.000 --> 01:47:49.960
Okay. So if I get what you're saying,

1700
01:47:49.960 --> 01:47:53.160
you're saying I need to work on my emotions and being more vulnerable.

1701
01:47:53.240 --> 01:47:54.200
That's what you're saying.

1702
01:47:55.240 --> 01:47:58.560
I'm just saying recognize that the emotional maturity,

1703
01:47:58.560 --> 01:48:01.960
whatever thing you're expecting, you got your income down pack.

1704
01:48:01.960 --> 01:48:04.520
So we couldn't, you said that spiritual, I wouldn't,

1705
01:48:04.640 --> 01:48:08.400
I wouldn't give on spirituality. Some people will, I won't, this is not me,

1706
01:48:08.760 --> 01:48:12.160
but so emotional maturity is something you wanted.

1707
01:48:12.200 --> 01:48:13.800
I asked you about your level.

1708
01:48:13.920 --> 01:48:17.840
So then because we realize that you may not be at your full capacity and you

1709
01:48:17.840 --> 01:48:19.640
don't even know it till you mix with somebody else.

1710
01:48:19.640 --> 01:48:22.400
They actually do something to pull on some stuff around you and see how you're

1711
01:48:22.400 --> 01:48:23.240
going to respond.

1712
01:48:24.560 --> 01:48:28.920
Then you might be able to look at a man and evaluate him more rightly and say,

1713
01:48:29.160 --> 01:48:33.040
okay, he is mature. He could use a little bit more,

1714
01:48:33.120 --> 01:48:34.800
but maybe I could work with this.

1715
01:48:35.320 --> 01:48:39.880
That little crack helps you start to see people rightly

1716
01:48:40.520 --> 01:48:42.640
that they're not going to come perfect.

1717
01:48:43.280 --> 01:48:46.800
And you may say, I'm not asking for perfection. What is this to ask?

1718
01:48:46.960 --> 01:48:50.720
They just got to have the same salary I have. They just got to have this,

1719
01:48:50.720 --> 01:48:54.080
this, this, this, and this. And what is that? That's Jesus.

1720
01:48:54.440 --> 01:48:57.600
That's who that is. And you're not going to meet him. No, I'm just playing.

1721
01:48:57.880 --> 01:49:00.280
Jack always says these people want to be married to Jesus,

1722
01:49:00.640 --> 01:49:04.120
but I'm just trying to get some space in there.

1723
01:49:04.160 --> 01:49:08.440
I do. I do. I do want to be married to Jesus. I'm willing to admit that.

1724
01:49:08.480 --> 01:49:12.520
That's okay. Well, you don't need a husband.

1725
01:49:12.520 --> 01:49:14.640
You already got Jesus. You the bride of Christ.

1726
01:49:19.160 --> 01:49:20.400
But I just wanted to,

1727
01:49:20.800 --> 01:49:23.560
I just wanted to break that down with you and try to see if we could get some

1728
01:49:23.560 --> 01:49:27.280
leeway, a little space in there. So you can start seeing people rightly.

1729
01:49:28.760 --> 01:49:33.040
The more grace we have grace is not grace is not,

1730
01:49:33.080 --> 01:49:36.280
um, compromise for foundational things,

1731
01:49:36.880 --> 01:49:40.520
but the more grace we have, the more we see people rightly.

1732
01:49:41.040 --> 01:49:45.080
And when you start to see people rightly, you can pick out the gold in them,

1733
01:49:46.200 --> 01:49:50.680
not potential people carry gold on the inside of them.

1734
01:49:51.480 --> 01:49:55.200
And I want to encourage all of you guys to learn, to be gold diggers,

1735
01:49:56.720 --> 01:49:59.200
looking for the gold in me. And when you meet them,

1736
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.320
You'll see a beautiful thing. This is not compromise. It is far from compromise

1737
01:50:06.160 --> 01:50:09.240
It's just coming in and looking for the gold in people

1738
01:50:09.840 --> 01:50:11.840
So be gold diggers

1739
01:50:12.440 --> 01:50:15.400
G-o-l-d diggers and you may strike it rich

1740
01:50:18.360 --> 01:50:19.920
Okay

1741
01:50:19.920 --> 01:50:26.800
How is looking for gold different from potential because gold is actually what someone houses so you can look at me. It's like, oh

1742
01:50:26.800 --> 01:50:28.400
I

1743
01:50:28.400 --> 01:50:32.480
Can see it. I can see all in evidence. She's she's so generous

1744
01:50:33.160 --> 01:50:34.920
And you look at me say, you know

1745
01:50:34.920 --> 01:50:40.640
You're a very generous person and it causes you to pull it out and present it to that person. They'd be like, oh

1746
01:50:41.800 --> 01:50:43.800
Potential is okay

1747
01:50:45.440 --> 01:50:48.360
You probably could do that you working on that. Oh

1748
01:50:48.960 --> 01:50:53.760
But it hasn't come to fruition. You got all these dreams and visions, but you ain't never did none of them

1749
01:50:53.880 --> 01:50:55.880
There's potential or

1750
01:50:56.200 --> 01:51:02.200
Sometimes he calls like he says and sometimes he don't there's potential is a potential to be consistent, right?

1751
01:51:02.680 --> 01:51:10.120
So but gold is what a person actually houses. They carry it and because you'll go digger you can see it in them

1752
01:51:12.400 --> 01:51:15.840
So, that's what I'm thinking is it does that make sense or no

1753
01:51:18.440 --> 01:51:22.400
It's kind of like the fruit that you already show in your life

1754
01:51:23.080 --> 01:51:30.000
Yeah versus like what you're hoping somebody's gonna be like based on

1755
01:51:31.440 --> 01:51:35.080
What they want but maybe they're not there yet, yeah

1756
01:51:35.880 --> 01:51:38.280
It's true. So that is true

1757
01:51:39.160 --> 01:51:42.440
Potential is what I hope you can produce like I see signs of it

1758
01:51:42.440 --> 01:51:47.560
I know you could do it because the first week you did it perfect and what we'll do is women is like I know that

1759
01:51:47.560 --> 01:51:49.560
Man is in there and I'm waiting on him to come back

1760
01:51:49.560 --> 01:51:53.400
But actually they did something for a week that they couldn't sustain them two weeks

1761
01:51:53.400 --> 01:51:57.880
usually they're gonna give out about the third second third week and being you know, and so

1762
01:51:58.680 --> 01:52:04.320
Looking for fruit looking for gold all of those things help to see people rightly and it helps us see ourselves rightly

1763
01:52:07.000 --> 01:52:09.000
The more grace you have for yourself

1764
01:52:09.280 --> 01:52:14.880
The more grace you have for others the less critical you are of yourself the less critical you are others

1765
01:52:14.880 --> 01:52:18.000
It really is an inside job how you view people is how you view yourself

1766
01:52:20.480 --> 01:52:23.440
It's just that's the lenses in which it comes from and

1767
01:52:23.800 --> 01:52:28.960
then if you actually hold somebody to a standard that you don't hold yourself to then that would be a

1768
01:52:30.040 --> 01:52:32.040
hypocrite

1769
01:52:34.240 --> 01:52:39.400
Kind of like what that is, right? I've been known to be one from time to time. I'm like, yeah

1770
01:52:39.400 --> 01:52:41.400
I might not do it, but you need it

1771
01:52:41.400 --> 01:52:45.040
That's I'll be alright you just go get it. Oh

1772
01:52:48.040 --> 01:52:53.160
Anyway ladies, it was fun. I hope you had a good night, and I hope you guys got a lot out of this session

1773
01:52:53.160 --> 01:52:56.660
Um, keep us posted and we'll talk next week

1774
01:52:58.080 --> 01:53:00.560
Good night. Thank you

1775
01:53:03.160 --> 01:53:05.160
Thank you, bye-bye