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All right, welcome everybody to Ask Jackie, also known as Loveseats.

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We did invite Phase 2 to come over here.

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Go ahead and wave your hand, well, give me an avatar, thumbs up, or a hand,

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not your hand on the screen, but your little yellow hand, if you're in Phase 2.

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I want to see all of the Phase 2 folks that are joining us.

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Let's see how many people from Phase 2 are over here with us.

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Guys, we have a great night ahead of us, so get comfortable, get something to drink,

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get some coffee, get some tea, get a glass of wine, get a glass of water,

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get what you need to take some notes.

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We're going to do Ask Jackie.

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I am going to loveseat you guys, and guess what?

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You have me for the next two weeks.

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You have me for the next two weeks.

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I'm going to be teaching you guys some things that I think is going

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to accelerate your love life, and a lot of it is from my new book, Modern Dating Sucks.

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If you did not get this book, it is available on Amazon.

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Go get you one, all right?

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We're holding strong in the top five on Amazon still, you guys.

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We were in the top two.

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We're holding strong in the top five.

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The people that have read the book tell me that it is the best, most practical,

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most beneficial book on dating that they have ever read,

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and that is what I wanted to put out.

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I wanted to put out kind of a field guide.

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I wrote this book not as a philosophical book, not as a ideological book,

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not even as just an encouraging book.

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This book is encouraging, and yes, it is ideological, okay,

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but it also is very practical, and if you will allow it,

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it will help you to be successful out there in this wild,

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wild west that we're called dating.

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Okay, and we're going to go over some of the highlights of the book.

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Let me see your hands if you have the book.

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If you have the book, let me see your hands.

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Put your little hand up.

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Put your hand up if you have the book.

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Let me see some feedback in the comments.

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If you're enjoying the book, where are you in the book?

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Have you finished it?

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I know it's easy to read through it really fast.

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I don't think that's a good idea.

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I think you need to really process, answer the questions.

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There's a lot of prophetic processing.

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I did give people cliff notes at the end of every chapter

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to kind of remind them of what they just read

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because people's reading comprehension is really not that strong.

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They're like, what did I just read?

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Okay, I'm glad you asked.

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Let me remind you of what you just read.

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Okay, skip to the chapter I needed, then started it.

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Oh, no, okay.

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Well, you should skip to the beginning, Kathy, and read it from there.

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How about that?

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All right, starting chapter five, it's helping.

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Finish chapter four, it's amazing.

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Thank you, thank you.

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All right, we have about 26 people that have the book out of,

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I don't know how many people are here with us right now.

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Okay, and then put your hands down real quick.

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I'm just doing a little poll here at the beginning

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so I can see who I'm talking to.

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I need to see who I'm talking to tonight.

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There's 104 of you in here, only 26 of you have the book.

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Okay, put your hand up if you're actually in the book club as well.

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You got the book and you're in the book club

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or, you know, the ebook came with the book club.

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So maybe you're just reading that.

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You don't have the physical copy, you just have the ebook.

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That's part of the book club.

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All right, about 33 of you, 35 of you in the book club.

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Let me see comments in the chat.

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Can I get some feedback?

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We're only on week.

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We just started week three in the book club.

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We have three more weeks to go.

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Can you put in the chat if you're enjoying the book club?

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Just getting a little poll going here.

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It's so good.

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Yes, the book club is great.

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Okay, all right, so all of you,

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so many of you are not in the book club,

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which is what I suspected.

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So for those of you that are in the book club,

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you're gonna get a little recap tonight,

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but you're also gonna get to ask me questions.

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We'll do some Q&A, okay?

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And we're gonna do that going forward in the book club too,

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just so you know.

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We haven't been able to get there yet, but we will.

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But for all of you that weren't able to join the book club,

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for whatever reason, time, finances,

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I wanted to give you guys some teaching as well.

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Does that sound good?

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You know, I love y'all.

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Okay, all right, awesome.

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All right, can I see the hands?

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Okay, let's put all of our hands down for one second.

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I think I can put them all down.

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All right, raise your hand

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if you haven't read even one word of this book.

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You have no idea what it says.

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You don't know anything about it.

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You've maybe heard that it exists, but you don't have the book.

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You haven't read the book in any way, shape, or form.

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Nothing.

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Nothing's been read from this book by you.

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And yes, it will be available in Audible.

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Not right away, you guys.

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It'll be a couple months before that's available for all of you people who are like, I can't

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read.

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I'm busy.

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Or I have dyslexia.

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I have dyslexia.

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So I understand, okay.

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Only about 20 of you.

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You guys, that math is not mathing.

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There's 115 of you on here, and only 20-something of you have the book.

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Only 30-something of you are in the book club, and then another 20 say they haven't read

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one word of the book.

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So there's still a bunch of people that are not raising their hand for anything.

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Okay.

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So that's fine.

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You don't want to raise your hand.

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You don't got to.

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You're like, Jackie, I don't, I want to, I don't want to raise my hand.

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I don't want to be part of any of it.

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I see I have a little co-host here, so let me go ahead and get that going.

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Okay.

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Awesome.

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All right.

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Okay, guys.

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Well, here's what we're going to do tonight.

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We're going to cover some high points from the first two book club sessions.

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Just some high points.

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I can't cover it all, obviously.

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But I really want you guys to benefit for those of you that weren't able to join the

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book club.

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And guess what?

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I was only going to do one book club, but I decided when this one's over, I'm going

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to actually do it again.

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So for those of you that are like, man, I missed it, I wanted to be in it, you're going

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to have another shot to join the book club because it's just going so well and people

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love it so much.

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And there were a lot of people that messaged us and said, hey, I wasn't able to get in

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this time around.

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So I'll do it one more time.

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Another five weeks and then, and then we'll, we'll move forward.

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Okay.

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Um, I only did one book club on my second book and I thought that was sufficient, but

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I think this one's going to take two.

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All right.

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All right, guys.

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So let's get started tonight.

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So for those of you, there's quite a bit of you that raise your hand that you haven't

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read one, one chapter, not even one word of this book.

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So in order to do that, in order to kind of catch you guys up, I just need to let you

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know that the very beginning of this book is about how we got here for with dating.

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I want you to raise your hand and be honest.

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If you have ever said some version of, I hate dating, I don't want to date any version

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of that sentiment.

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Get your hand up, get your hand up, put your hand in the air, wave it like you just don't

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care.

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Come on, get it up.

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Any version of that, oh, we know there's 60 of you being honest in here, 61, the rest

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of you love dating.

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It's your favorite thing in the entire world.

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You wish you could just do more and more and more of it.

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You wish you could do it forever, 68 of you with your hands up now, 69 of you, 60, 70

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of you are like, Jackie, I hate it.

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It's a total, you know what show?

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It's a poop show.

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I can't stand it.

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I don't understand.

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I don't want to do it anymore.

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I just want God to just drop me my person, my husband, my wife.

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I just don't want to have to date them.

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I want to know who they are from the very beginning and just be done with it.

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Don't want to have to date anybody.

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Can we please skip the talking stage?

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God, the stage where we're trying to find out if we like each other, the small talk

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stage.

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Anyone else hate small talk?

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I hate small talk with platonic people.

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I'm just, you know, and this is why I ask you guys to pace yourself because I know what

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it's like to get intense really quick because I'm an intense person.

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I'm not the kind of person who likes small talk.

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If you meet me in real life and we're just sitting there and we're chilling, I'm not

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going to talk to you about the weather.

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I'm going to immediately be like, are you single?

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Who are you dating?

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What's your love life like?

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I'm just going to dive in.

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I'm going to just dive right in with you because that's the kind of person I am.

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And so of course when I was a single woman, that's the kind of person that I was with

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men.

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And it, you know, a lot of times it backfires because if someone can meet you in the depth,

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if you dive right into the deep pool, the deep end of the pool, the dating pool, you're

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going to find out that if someone is able to match you in the deep end, a lot of times

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it turns out as going too fast, too quickly, and then it just blows up, right?

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You just, it goes a hundred miles an hour, like a race car on a racetrack and you blow

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out a tire.

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And then what, then what do we do now?

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Right.

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So those of you that hate small talk, you hate the talking stages, you hate the building

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block.

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And I just really want you to think of it that way.

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And there is a whole chapter in this book that's dedicated to what do we do now?

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What do we do now?

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You meet, met someone, you like them.

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You really, really want to get to know them more.

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And you think that there really could be something there.

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You're wondering if this person is the one, what do we do?

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And it's part three of the book is called into the wild part three.

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And it starts with chapter eight date, like a matchmaker, because this whole book is teaching

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you, teaching you how to find your person on purpose, not just come out here and whatever

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happens happens.

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And you're just, you're the luck of the draw and you know, whatever, whatever it is, you

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know, the slot machine, pull the, of the lever.

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And we're going to go there in a second, winter, winter chicken dinner, big money, no whammies.

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So, and so chapter nine is called structure over chaos, a framework for building your

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love story.

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And this chapter is all about what do you do in the first 30 days after meeting someone?

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What do you do in the next 30 days?

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So the first 60 days, and then what do you do in the first 90 days?

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So days one through 30 days, 31 through 60 days, 61 through 90.

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There's some benchmarks here.

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There's some landmarks here.

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There's some, there's some suggestions here.

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There's some milestones here.

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And I think it's going to be really, really, really helpful for people who want to rush

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too fast, who want to go too slow, who wonder what they should be talking about, wonder

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when they should be official, wondering in our community, when you should be going from,

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from level two relationship to level three to level four, this is going to really lay

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it out for you.

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Is that exciting?

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So I put it there.

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I put it there because I wanted you to have something to look at now.

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Is your relationship, even if it's a good one, going to look exactly that way?

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No, it's not going to look exactly that way, but it is giving you some prompts of what

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to talk about and what to do.

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It is giving you some help.

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It is.

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It is giving you some structure because structure is good.

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Guys, see my naked little fingers.

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I have no nails.

245
00:12:19.320 --> 00:12:20.320
I have no nails.

246
00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:26.640
I know you're not used to seeing me naked, but here it is, no nails.

247
00:12:26.640 --> 00:12:37.040
And I feel like a gobble just so you know, unclean, don't look at me.

248
00:12:37.040 --> 00:12:41.760
I'm just so used to having nails on, I don't know what to do, but my nails needed a break

249
00:12:41.760 --> 00:12:42.760
for sure.

250
00:12:42.760 --> 00:12:43.760
Okay.

251
00:12:43.760 --> 00:12:44.760
All right.

252
00:12:44.760 --> 00:12:45.760
All right, you guys.

253
00:12:45.760 --> 00:12:46.760
Okay.

254
00:12:46.760 --> 00:12:49.600
So the very first thing that I want to do with you guys, this is what I did in the book club

255
00:12:49.880 --> 00:12:50.880
is I talked to you.

256
00:12:50.880 --> 00:12:52.360
For those of you said that, yes, I hate dating.

257
00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:55.040
There were about 70, 80 of you that said that.

258
00:12:55.040 --> 00:13:01.680
I just want to let you know that God wants to move you from shame to the realization

259
00:13:01.680 --> 00:13:06.240
that even if you have hard work to do, which all of us do, even if you may not be ready

260
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:12.520
to step into an engagement tomorrow, even if you met your person, even if you're still

261
00:13:12.520 --> 00:13:17.160
working on some things that are still the building blocks of what you would need to

262
00:13:17.160 --> 00:13:22.680
receive love from whoever's out there looking for you right now, or gentlemen, whoever you're

263
00:13:22.680 --> 00:13:26.160
looking for, okay.

264
00:13:26.160 --> 00:13:34.280
Regardless of all of that, the reason why you're single is because the system is broken.

265
00:13:34.280 --> 00:13:37.880
I want you to get ahold of that right now because so many of you think that it's you

266
00:13:37.880 --> 00:13:42.080
and yes, we do hard work here and yes, we get ready here and yes, we work on stuff here

267
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:45.160
and that's all important because that's just going to make it seamless.

268
00:13:45.160 --> 00:13:47.560
It's going to make it more seamless when you step into a relationship.

269
00:13:47.560 --> 00:13:52.120
I can't tell you how many people have circled back around after getting married and said,

270
00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:53.560
I'm so glad that I did this work.

271
00:13:53.560 --> 00:13:55.040
I'm so glad that I spent this time.

272
00:13:55.040 --> 00:13:59.640
I'm so glad that I was in this community because I've run into so many things in this process

273
00:13:59.640 --> 00:14:03.880
that I would have cut and run or, you know, we would have had a lot more trouble than

274
00:14:03.880 --> 00:14:07.040
we've had with our blended family, with our relationship, with these things that have

275
00:14:07.040 --> 00:14:08.040
popped up.

276
00:14:08.040 --> 00:14:13.280
And so you guys, you are doing really important work to be able to sustain what it is that

277
00:14:13.280 --> 00:14:14.720
God has for you.

278
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:18.080
Even if you don't have it yet, you're doing the work to be able to sustain it, what it

279
00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:19.080
shows up.

280
00:14:19.080 --> 00:14:20.080
Make sense?

281
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:21.080
Okay.

282
00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:24.240
So forget about fixing yourself, forgetting about, forget about what you still need to

283
00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:25.240
work on.

284
00:14:25.240 --> 00:14:30.120
I want to highlight the fact that the system is broken.

285
00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:34.180
For those of you that wonder how we got here, the very first chapter of this book is the

286
00:14:34.180 --> 00:14:36.360
history of modern dating.

287
00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:39.040
That's why the name of it is Modern Dating Sucks.

288
00:14:39.040 --> 00:14:40.600
We weren't created to date this way.

289
00:14:40.600 --> 00:14:43.040
We weren't created to meet each other this way.

290
00:14:43.040 --> 00:14:46.520
And you guys know, if you know me and you've been in this community for any length of time,

291
00:14:46.520 --> 00:14:50.080
you know that I'm trying to bring back something called community-based matchmaking.

292
00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:53.240
I've been talking about it for over six years and now it's catching on.

293
00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:54.880
I hear other people talking about it.

294
00:14:54.880 --> 00:14:56.800
I hear other dating coaches talking about it.

295
00:14:56.800 --> 00:15:00.000
I just heard someone that Oprah had on her show actually.

296
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.240
using those words. And I'm like, you know, Jackie, don't, don't, don't,

297
00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:07.000
don't think that, you know, don't think that you did this.

298
00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:10.040
Um, but I will tell you,

299
00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:13.000
I've been saying it for a long time and you guys are my witnesses.

300
00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:16.360
I've been saying it for a long time. We got to bring back the village.

301
00:15:16.520 --> 00:15:20.800
We got to bring back the community because that is how we got married back in

302
00:15:20.800 --> 00:15:25.800
the old days, back in the ancient days. If you're an OG, you know,

303
00:15:25.800 --> 00:15:30.040
I used to say the ancient of days has ancient ways.

304
00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:35.320
God has ancient ways and the way that God designed us to flourish in romantic

305
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:40.360
relationship is visibly in the open in community and in family.

306
00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:44.680
That is how we've been designed. We're not supposed to be dating in the dark.

307
00:15:44.680 --> 00:15:47.560
I have an entire chapter in here about dating in the dark.

308
00:15:49.240 --> 00:15:52.400
Look, dating apps are not evil and they're not the devil and they're not the

309
00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:55.640
problem. They're a, they're a symptom of the problem.

310
00:15:56.040 --> 00:15:58.240
That people want to do this all by themselves,

311
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:00.720
that people think they're supposed to do this all by themselves.

312
00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:05.280
And so they're outsourcing their love life to an algorithm now and set it to

313
00:16:05.280 --> 00:16:08.120
their friend groups. And some people don't have friend groups.

314
00:16:08.680 --> 00:16:13.680
We just finished week two in my book club and so many people can't rebuild their

315
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.640
village because they don't have anybody to rebuild their village with.

316
00:16:16.880 --> 00:16:19.600
They're isolated. They have no friends, they have no community.

317
00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:23.840
They couldn't even think of three to five people to put in their advisory circle,

318
00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:25.440
their relationship advisory circle,

319
00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:27.720
which I will talk to you tonight about what that is and I'm going to put you in

320
00:16:27.720 --> 00:16:31.560
breakout groups so that you can meet some people that possibly might make the

321
00:16:31.560 --> 00:16:33.920
cut into your relationship advisory circle.

322
00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:34.720
But you guys,

323
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.880
that's part of the reason why you're single because you're isolated and you

324
00:16:36.880 --> 00:16:37.720
have no friends.

325
00:16:40.160 --> 00:16:43.480
In fact, I'm going to meddle a little bit. I didn't say this in my book club,

326
00:16:44.040 --> 00:16:47.640
but I might write it down and say it next week in my book club.

327
00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:53.280
You're hoping to meet someone significant in order to fall in love and get married

328
00:16:53.280 --> 00:16:54.240
because you're lonely.

329
00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:58.320
But can I tell you that that's not going to solve your loneliness?

330
00:16:58.880 --> 00:17:00.320
That's not going to solve your loneliness.

331
00:17:00.920 --> 00:17:03.800
You were designed to just have one person in your life.

332
00:17:03.800 --> 00:17:06.800
And so for those of you that are out here like, Oh God, where's my person?

333
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.880
First of all, they're not your person. They're just one of your persons.

334
00:17:13.520 --> 00:17:17.000
Now, are they going to be a very significant person? Yes.

335
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:21.160
Are you going to prioritize them above all else besides God? Yes.

336
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:25.280
But they're not going to be your persons because you need more than one person.

337
00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:27.599
And if you don't have more than one person in your life right now,

338
00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:28.560
then that's a problem.

339
00:17:29.560 --> 00:17:32.880
That's a problem that we probably need to work on before you even meet them.

340
00:17:34.280 --> 00:17:37.200
And it's probably part of the reason why you haven't met them.

341
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:40.200
Because I do talk in this book about the six degrees of separation.

342
00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:43.120
You have heard me teach that before, but I want to tell you guys,

343
00:17:43.120 --> 00:17:45.760
I've been doing this for over six years now. Professionally.

344
00:17:46.120 --> 00:17:50.080
I've been doing it as an amateur all of my life. Matchmaking my friends,

345
00:17:50.080 --> 00:17:54.160
matchmaking the people all around me and, and helping in their love lives.

346
00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:57.160
But professionally I've been doing for six years and I can tell you,

347
00:17:57.160 --> 00:18:00.600
we don't have one success story in this community or in my private coaching

348
00:18:00.600 --> 00:18:03.680
circle that when we replay the tapes,

349
00:18:04.760 --> 00:18:09.640
when we connect the dots of those two people that are now together and

350
00:18:09.640 --> 00:18:13.200
now married, we see all the people they had in common.

351
00:18:13.600 --> 00:18:17.440
And there were a lot of people. They had a lot of people in common.

352
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:19.200
They had a lot of situations in common.

353
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:23.840
They had a lot of places of employment or schools or churches or cities.

354
00:18:23.840 --> 00:18:25.600
They had things in common. You guys,

355
00:18:25.600 --> 00:18:29.680
they were ships passing in the night until somebody

356
00:18:30.280 --> 00:18:35.000
connected the dots until somebody pulled the thread until

357
00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:38.320
somebody completed the circle. Do you see what I'm saying?

358
00:18:41.760 --> 00:18:44.200
There isn't one success story that I know of.

359
00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:48.800
Not one success story that I know of that there isn't someone that both of them

360
00:18:48.800 --> 00:18:50.880
know within six degrees of separation.

361
00:18:51.920 --> 00:18:54.880
I need you to take that in because I feel goosebumps all over my body right now.

362
00:18:55.080 --> 00:19:00.000
God is trying to get through to you that you probably already know someone who

363
00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:00.880
knows your person.

364
00:19:03.080 --> 00:19:05.320
You know somebody who knows somebody,

365
00:19:05.320 --> 00:19:08.720
you guys know that I've become famous in this community for saying this because

366
00:19:08.720 --> 00:19:10.960
God said this to me one day, he said, Jackie,

367
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.080
somebody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows their spirit mate.

368
00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:17.120
That was straight off.

369
00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:22.240
The bread oven from heaven, bread from heaven.

370
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:24.520
That was a rhema word that I got from the Lord.

371
00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:29.160
Somebody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows your spirit mate right now.

372
00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:37.120
And so instead of feeling depressed and despondent and despairing,

373
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.480
you need to be making more friends.

374
00:19:40.120 --> 00:19:44.400
You need to meet new people and not just the opposite sex, all kinds of people.

375
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:44.760
And you guys,

376
00:19:44.760 --> 00:19:48.440
I preach this until I'm blue in the face and I'm going to keep preaching it and

377
00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:51.040
I'm going to write books about it because this is what's missing.

378
00:19:51.040 --> 00:19:54.280
We've got to bring back the village. You've got to get in a village.

379
00:19:54.280 --> 00:19:57.000
If you don't have a village, then it's time to have one. All right,

380
00:19:57.000 --> 00:20:00.080
so let's look at the way we used to date and let's look at.

381
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.000
at how recent the way that we date right now is.

382
00:20:06.760 --> 00:20:08.600
Okay, and I write about this in the book.

383
00:20:08.600 --> 00:20:09.680
For those of you that read it,

384
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:12.160
you're just getting a little recap of it,

385
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:14.240
which is great because once again,

386
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:16.960
we cannot hear things too much.

387
00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:19.560
I think we've got to hear it lots and lots of times

388
00:20:19.560 --> 00:20:21.320
until it sinks into our hard heads

389
00:20:21.320 --> 00:20:24.160
because we all have, we have hard heads, don't we?

390
00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:25.720
Okay, all right.

391
00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:28.080
So let us look just real quickly.

392
00:20:29.080 --> 00:20:32.800
I'm pretty sure that I have, well, I have it in the book.

393
00:20:32.800 --> 00:20:33.880
I thought I had it in my notes,

394
00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:35.620
but I definitely have it in the book.

395
00:20:35.620 --> 00:20:38.660
So let's look.

396
00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:42.840
Pre-1800s.

397
00:20:42.840 --> 00:20:45.040
You guys know, you've read the Jane Austen books.

398
00:20:45.040 --> 00:20:46.920
Raise your hand if you've read literature

399
00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:50.260
from this timeframe where everyone's dating

400
00:20:50.260 --> 00:20:53.360
within their communities, there's dances and there's balls

401
00:20:53.360 --> 00:20:55.840
and you know, Pride and Prejudice

402
00:20:55.840 --> 00:20:58.280
is a perfect example of this.

403
00:20:58.280 --> 00:21:00.200
All right, I write really funny things

404
00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:01.680
about Pride and Prejudice in this book.

405
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:03.680
So get the book so you can read it.

406
00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.360
Village life.

407
00:21:05.360 --> 00:21:09.120
This is when you lived your life in a rural community.

408
00:21:09.120 --> 00:21:10.080
You did.

409
00:21:10.080 --> 00:21:12.880
And you married someone from that community.

410
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:14.520
That is who you married.

411
00:21:14.520 --> 00:21:16.720
You married someone who was related to someone

412
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:17.560
in that community.

413
00:21:17.560 --> 00:21:21.880
So maybe from a neighboring farm town or a neighboring city,

414
00:21:21.880 --> 00:21:24.720
but you married somebody that everybody knew

415
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:26.480
or everybody knew the family of.

416
00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:27.640
This is why it was so important

417
00:21:27.640 --> 00:21:30.640
to not get into a scandal back in these days.

418
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:32.560
This is why it was so important not to do anything

419
00:21:32.560 --> 00:21:34.340
that you shouldn't be doing back in these days,

420
00:21:34.340 --> 00:21:37.760
because if you got a bad reputation in the community,

421
00:21:37.760 --> 00:21:40.480
then you weren't getting married, okay?

422
00:21:41.580 --> 00:21:44.280
Nobody was gonna give their son or daughter to you.

423
00:21:44.280 --> 00:21:46.380
No one's gonna give their daughter to you.

424
00:21:47.300 --> 00:21:50.360
And daughter, if you were the one that became the,

425
00:21:50.360 --> 00:21:53.800
you know, the blacklisted woman,

426
00:21:53.800 --> 00:21:55.320
then you were just gonna have to stay in shame

427
00:21:55.320 --> 00:21:57.560
with your family for the rest of your life, okay?

428
00:21:57.560 --> 00:21:59.320
And then the late 1800s,

429
00:21:59.320 --> 00:22:01.780
something happened called the Industrial Revolution.

430
00:22:01.780 --> 00:22:03.280
Raise your hand if you know history

431
00:22:03.280 --> 00:22:04.840
and you understand what happened.

432
00:22:04.840 --> 00:22:07.580
Basically what happened, you guys, is cities opened.

433
00:22:07.580 --> 00:22:09.280
Remember, these are farming towns.

434
00:22:09.280 --> 00:22:13.880
In the pre-1800s and early 1800s, these are farming towns.

435
00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:15.560
These are agricultural towns.

436
00:22:15.560 --> 00:22:19.960
And so cities started opening and factories started opening

437
00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:22.760
and we started producing things like cars

438
00:22:22.800 --> 00:22:24.320
and different things started happening.

439
00:22:24.320 --> 00:22:28.320
You know, like technology started advancing, basically.

440
00:22:28.320 --> 00:22:29.600
And so these young people,

441
00:22:29.600 --> 00:22:31.640
right about the time when they would be getting married,

442
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:33.800
instead of staying in their little towns

443
00:22:33.800 --> 00:22:36.460
and their little agricultural circles and villages,

444
00:22:36.460 --> 00:22:40.100
they left those places and they went into the big city.

445
00:22:40.100 --> 00:22:42.720
And the boys went to work in factories

446
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:45.220
and the girls went to work in shops.

447
00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:48.720
And this is where the first dates started happening.

448
00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:49.560
In fact, you guys,

449
00:22:49.560 --> 00:22:52.100
the newspapers wrote about the first dates.

450
00:22:52.100 --> 00:22:54.300
They called them scandals.

451
00:22:54.300 --> 00:22:56.400
They said they were gonna ruin society.

452
00:22:57.380 --> 00:22:59.700
These young men asking these shop girls out

453
00:22:59.700 --> 00:23:04.700
to dances and picture shows and food and whatever.

454
00:23:04.740 --> 00:23:06.580
And I know this is gonna hurt your feelings,

455
00:23:06.580 --> 00:23:07.420
all of you that are like,

456
00:23:07.420 --> 00:23:10.520
chivalry says that a man should pay for a woman.

457
00:23:10.520 --> 00:23:12.220
No, it actually was parody.

458
00:23:12.220 --> 00:23:14.220
It was actually the patriarchy

459
00:23:14.220 --> 00:23:16.220
because the boys in the factories

460
00:23:16.220 --> 00:23:17.640
were getting paid a livable wage,

461
00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:19.920
but the girls in the shops were not.

462
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:21.940
The girls were getting paid less than a half

463
00:23:22.780 --> 00:23:24.060
of what the factory workers were getting paid.

464
00:23:24.060 --> 00:23:26.300
And so they couldn't afford to go out to dinner

465
00:23:26.300 --> 00:23:29.180
or to the picture show or to the dances,

466
00:23:29.180 --> 00:23:32.300
unless they had a male escort that was paying for them.

467
00:23:32.300 --> 00:23:33.580
Did you hear what I said?

468
00:23:35.260 --> 00:23:40.260
This is where a guy paying for a girl on a date comes from.

469
00:23:41.420 --> 00:23:42.820
How does that make you feel?

470
00:23:46.820 --> 00:23:47.980
It's a little shocking, right?

471
00:23:47.980 --> 00:23:48.820
It's like, oh,

472
00:23:48.820 --> 00:23:52.020
now we're not saying that we don't want men to still pay,

473
00:23:52.020 --> 00:23:53.820
but if you don't like a guy,

474
00:23:53.820 --> 00:23:56.940
perhaps you should go ahead and Venmo him for that coffee.

475
00:23:56.940 --> 00:23:58.720
If you know when you meet up with him

476
00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:00.220
that there's not gonna be a second date,

477
00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:02.020
that you're not interested at all,

478
00:24:02.020 --> 00:24:05.420
why don't you go ahead and split it and pay for yourself?

479
00:24:05.420 --> 00:24:08.060
If he lets you, a lot of guys won't even let you,

480
00:24:08.060 --> 00:24:10.100
but you can go ahead and try,

481
00:24:10.100 --> 00:24:13.100
especially now that you know the history of this.

482
00:24:13.100 --> 00:24:17.660
The history of this has to do with first wave feminism.

483
00:24:17.660 --> 00:24:18.940
It has to do with parity,

484
00:24:18.940 --> 00:24:22.940
which is the equality between men and women in the workforce

485
00:24:22.940 --> 00:24:25.500
and in the pay scale, the wage gap.

486
00:24:25.500 --> 00:24:26.500
That's what it has to do with.

487
00:24:26.500 --> 00:24:27.780
It has less to do with chivalry

488
00:24:27.780 --> 00:24:30.060
and it has more to do with necessity.

489
00:24:30.060 --> 00:24:31.100
Okay, all right.

490
00:24:31.100 --> 00:24:34.660
And then we're gonna skip on to the World Wars.

491
00:24:34.660 --> 00:24:36.740
So all the kids are leaving the farms,

492
00:24:36.740 --> 00:24:38.740
they're going into the cities, they're working like this,

493
00:24:38.740 --> 00:24:40.300
they're dating each other, it's a scandal,

494
00:24:40.300 --> 00:24:41.580
all the things are happening.

495
00:24:41.580 --> 00:24:44.060
And then the World War I happens

496
00:24:44.060 --> 00:24:46.100
and all the boys in the factories go to war

497
00:24:46.100 --> 00:24:48.580
and all the girls from the shops move into the factories

498
00:24:48.580 --> 00:24:50.140
and start taking the men's jobs

499
00:24:50.140 --> 00:24:51.580
because someone had to do it.

500
00:24:52.860 --> 00:24:54.740
All right, the only people that left that were dating

501
00:24:54.740 --> 00:24:56.180
were guys that were in college

502
00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:57.460
and different things that were happening.

503
00:24:57.460 --> 00:24:59.460
And then World War II is right on the heels

504
00:24:59.460 --> 00:25:00.300
of World War I.

505
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.740
on still women in the factories, women doing all the male jobs,

506
00:25:03.740 --> 00:25:07.020
women leaving their households, being the breadwinner for their

507
00:25:07.020 --> 00:25:08.480
households, doing all the things.

508
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:10.460
And then the guys come back from war.

509
00:25:10.460 --> 00:25:12.840
After world war two, we see there's a baby boom, right?

510
00:25:13.280 --> 00:25:14.700
That's where all the baby boomers came from.

511
00:25:15.580 --> 00:25:17.440
All those kids were born during that time.

512
00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:20.340
And the people that weren't married, the people that were still single,

513
00:25:20.340 --> 00:25:24.260
what started happening now is, is we had to resell the American

514
00:25:24.260 --> 00:25:26.740
dream because everyone's been displaced.

515
00:25:27.100 --> 00:25:29.860
The women have been in the workforce, working like men,

516
00:25:29.940 --> 00:25:31.260
taking care of their households.

517
00:25:31.260 --> 00:25:34.140
The men have been off to war and now everybody's back.

518
00:25:35.060 --> 00:25:35.940
And what do we do?

519
00:25:36.620 --> 00:25:39.380
There's a huge PR campaign called the 1950s.

520
00:25:39.380 --> 00:25:44.340
You guys think world war two ended in 1947 or something like that.

521
00:25:44.580 --> 00:25:50.900
And the 1950s, all of the women at home dressed up vacuuming in their

522
00:25:50.900 --> 00:25:55.020
pearls and, you know, picket fence in the house and the kids and the men

523
00:25:55.020 --> 00:25:57.820
are off to work and the women stay home and raise the children.

524
00:25:58.220 --> 00:26:02.580
That was a PR campaign to try to get everyone back in their place, men

525
00:26:02.580 --> 00:26:05.280
back to work, women back in the home, everything right with the world.

526
00:26:05.280 --> 00:26:07.420
Everyone's smiling and happy, but guess what?

527
00:26:07.420 --> 00:26:08.860
Too much damage had already been done.

528
00:26:09.540 --> 00:26:10.760
Too much damage had been done.

529
00:26:10.980 --> 00:26:13.300
And that's why you see the 1950s didn't actually work.

530
00:26:13.300 --> 00:26:13.800
Did they?

531
00:26:14.760 --> 00:26:17.860
That repainting that golden age.

532
00:26:17.900 --> 00:26:21.500
A lot of you probably have looked back on pictures of that and been like, wow, I

533
00:26:21.500 --> 00:26:24.700
wish I would've lived during the poodle skirt boys knocking on the door,

534
00:26:24.700 --> 00:26:28.380
asking for permission to take me on a date, you know, no friends.

535
00:26:29.020 --> 00:26:29.380
Okay.

536
00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:35.420
Smoke and mirrors in the 1960s are like, nope, sorry, we're not doing this.

537
00:26:35.420 --> 00:26:36.740
We're not going to fake it until we make it.

538
00:26:36.740 --> 00:26:37.660
This isn't real.

539
00:26:37.820 --> 00:26:40.300
And then you see that we have birth control being legalized.

540
00:26:40.300 --> 00:26:42.140
We have abortion on demand being legalized.

541
00:26:42.140 --> 00:26:44.860
We have divorce on demand being legalized.

542
00:26:45.700 --> 00:26:48.780
And then you guys, everything really, really falls apart.

543
00:26:48.780 --> 00:26:55.620
Sixties, seventies, lots of, lots of casual sex, lots of, uh, young people

544
00:26:55.620 --> 00:26:59.660
trying to figure out their identities out there, marriage starts to decline.

545
00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:02.540
Abortion starts to rise.

546
00:27:02.540 --> 00:27:04.060
Divorce starts to rise.

547
00:27:04.060 --> 00:27:06.620
A lot of you are kids from the seventies whose parents were divorced.

548
00:27:06.620 --> 00:27:07.500
Raise your hand.

549
00:27:07.700 --> 00:27:11.620
If your parents got one of those divorces on demand in the seventies, mine did.

550
00:27:11.980 --> 00:27:15.140
My, my parents got divorced in 1976.

551
00:27:16.700 --> 00:27:17.660
Let's see your hands.

552
00:27:17.900 --> 00:27:20.900
If your parents got divorced in the seventies, early eighties.

553
00:27:23.180 --> 00:27:23.900
Anybody else?

554
00:27:25.580 --> 00:27:26.060
Okay.

555
00:27:26.380 --> 00:27:30.540
So the eighties come roaring in with, oh, dating's a hobby now.

556
00:27:30.540 --> 00:27:33.340
Remember all the sitcoms from the eighties and nineties, like sex in the

557
00:27:33.340 --> 00:27:37.980
city and, and, uh, friends in the nineties, Seinfeld, sex in the city.

558
00:27:37.980 --> 00:27:41.900
There were so many, so many sitcoms and everyone was single, right?

559
00:27:42.140 --> 00:27:45.300
And everyone was dating like a revolving door, wasn't it?

560
00:27:45.580 --> 00:27:49.740
It's like by the end of the season, everyone had had four or five different

561
00:27:49.740 --> 00:27:51.740
partners, different girlfriends, boyfriends.

562
00:27:51.740 --> 00:27:53.180
They were having sex with all of them.

563
00:27:53.180 --> 00:27:55.340
You guys remember these sitcoms, right?

564
00:27:56.380 --> 00:27:57.340
What are they selling us?

565
00:27:57.340 --> 00:28:00.220
They're selling us that, Hey, being single is cool.

566
00:28:01.540 --> 00:28:02.620
You should be single.

567
00:28:03.020 --> 00:28:05.820
And that's when the first dating apps came out in the early nineties.

568
00:28:05.860 --> 00:28:11.020
So the digital age took all of this bad information and it put it, you

569
00:28:11.020 --> 00:28:13.220
know, at your fingertips on a dating app.

570
00:28:13.780 --> 00:28:14.940
And so it was about dating.

571
00:28:14.940 --> 00:28:15.820
It was about dating.

572
00:28:15.820 --> 00:28:18.180
A lot of people is about keeping your options open.

573
00:28:18.180 --> 00:28:21.540
And this is where the endless supply of options was born.

574
00:28:21.540 --> 00:28:23.820
And all of the things you guys see what happened here to us.

575
00:28:26.100 --> 00:28:30.980
And so when you guys hear me teach, when people ask me, why are there

576
00:28:30.980 --> 00:28:32.860
so many single people in the earth?

577
00:28:33.100 --> 00:28:35.700
The answer that I give them is because of the curse.

578
00:28:36.380 --> 00:28:40.740
And you guys can clearly see the curse in all of this that's

579
00:28:40.740 --> 00:28:42.300
happened since the 1800s.

580
00:28:42.300 --> 00:28:42.940
Can you see it?

581
00:28:45.020 --> 00:28:48.380
Capitalism, greed, more and more money, more and more this, that the

582
00:28:48.380 --> 00:28:51.980
advancement of technology, which is not a bad thing, but the, the

583
00:28:51.980 --> 00:28:56.780
leaving of families and the fraction, the frac, the fracturing of families

584
00:28:56.780 --> 00:29:00.660
and divorce and, you know, children out of wedlock and abortion and all

585
00:29:00.660 --> 00:29:01.820
the different things you guys see it.

586
00:29:02.460 --> 00:29:04.460
And you're like, well, Jackie, what does abortion and birth control

587
00:29:04.460 --> 00:29:07.700
have to do with like the disintegration of marriage?

588
00:29:08.380 --> 00:29:12.380
Because people no longer have to get married to have sex because now

589
00:29:12.380 --> 00:29:15.220
every time they have sex, it doesn't have to create a child.

590
00:29:15.620 --> 00:29:18.420
Part of the reason why people used to get married before they had sex is

591
00:29:18.420 --> 00:29:21.460
because when you have sex without birth control, the chances of

592
00:29:21.460 --> 00:29:22.620
getting pregnant are good.

593
00:29:22.620 --> 00:29:24.980
You guys, they didn't even have, they didn't have health class like you.

594
00:29:26.060 --> 00:29:28.260
They didn't know about ovulation and all that stuff.

595
00:29:28.900 --> 00:29:30.140
They just knew you have sex.

596
00:29:30.340 --> 00:29:33.860
And it's like, it's like the Russian roulette.

597
00:29:33.940 --> 00:29:35.980
You can have a baby every time.

598
00:29:37.500 --> 00:29:38.300
See what I'm saying?

599
00:29:39.140 --> 00:29:43.020
So now because of condoms, because of chemical birth control, like the

600
00:29:43.020 --> 00:29:46.100
birth control pill, and then of course, abortion on demand, there's

601
00:29:46.100 --> 00:29:47.180
always been abortions.

602
00:29:47.820 --> 00:29:50.660
Don't trick yourself into thinking there hasn't been, there's always

603
00:29:50.660 --> 00:29:55.020
been abortions, but now safe abortions, abortions on demand, abortions

604
00:29:55.020 --> 00:30:00.020
in clinic, medically, medically approved abortions that you can just pay.

605
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.240
for and get. All of those things increased the rate of of the disintegration of marriage or the

606
00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:13.360
the the lessening of the marriage rate. Do you guys know since the consensus the census began

607
00:30:13.360 --> 00:30:17.840
I think it was 1860 is when the census began. You guys you know the census is where they give

608
00:30:17.840 --> 00:30:22.000
you a little survey in your mailbox that you have to fill out how many people live in this house,

609
00:30:22.560 --> 00:30:25.680
what are their ages, what are their races, are they married or not married.

610
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:33.520
Since the census came out marriage is at the lowest that it's ever been since 1860.

611
00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:40.960
Right now in some people groups different people groups it's even lower. Some people groups it's

612
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:45.520
at really really really low rates. Some age groups it's at really low rates. Millennials

613
00:30:45.520 --> 00:30:53.920
have one of the lowest rates of marriage right now 56 percent. You guys in the 80s people between

614
00:30:53.920 --> 00:31:00.560
the ages of 27 and 43 which is what the millennials are right now 20 I'm sorry 29 and 44.

615
00:31:01.600 --> 00:31:09.280
That age group in the 1980s was like 90 married. Do you see what I'm saying? Now you guys I'm not

616
00:31:09.280 --> 00:31:13.360
saying any of this to to discourage you I'm actually saying it to encourage you. It's not

617
00:31:13.360 --> 00:31:19.040
you that's broken it's the system that's broken and we can fix it. You want to know how we can fix

618
00:31:19.040 --> 00:31:22.800
it? No we're not going to go back to pride and prejudice. We're not going to go and join you

619
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:30.880
know Puritan handmaidens tale farming communities but we are going to bring back the village.

620
00:31:31.840 --> 00:31:35.440
We are going to bring back some of the ancient ways which is what we've already been doing in

621
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:40.320
things like last year single because modern dating may suck but your love story definitely

622
00:31:40.320 --> 00:31:45.600
does not have to. All right so all this stuff that's been happening what has it done to you?

623
00:31:45.600 --> 00:31:50.640
I will tell you what it's done to you. It has given you some pre-programming when it comes

624
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:56.240
to dating and in the book for the sake of putting it in a synopsis I had to put it into

625
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:01.200
five different scripts. So depending on where you were born and what you experienced in your

626
00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:06.240
origin family with love and romance and who was married or who was divorced or what tv shows you

627
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:11.840
watched growing up or what movies you liked, what music you listened to, if you went to school in

628
00:32:11.840 --> 00:32:15.200
the inner city, if you went to school in the suburbs, if you lived in the north, if you lived

629
00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:21.520
in the south, depending on what it was that you brought into your mind and heart during your

630
00:32:21.520 --> 00:32:26.800
formative years you're probably running one of these scripts. Okay let me just read them off

631
00:32:26.800 --> 00:32:31.440
really quickly and then I'm going to have you guys vote on which ones you guys have. The fairy

632
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:37.280
tale script. The fairy tale script is exactly what you think it is. You think that love is destined.

633
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:42.000
That doesn't matter what you do. Destiny is going to find you. It's dramatic. You feel like you're

634
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:45.360
going to know. If you know, you know. You're going to know as soon as you see the person.

635
00:32:45.360 --> 00:32:49.680
There's a lightning bolt that's going to hit you. You're expecting it to feel like something

636
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:54.240
specific or to look like something specific and you just know that when you meet the person that

637
00:32:54.240 --> 00:32:59.440
you're going to know that they are the one. And no matter what else is going on, no matter what

638
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:04.000
odds are against you, you guys will overcome those odds because you're destined and meant to be

639
00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:09.760
together. This is a version of the one but it's also a version of just the fairy tale that God

640
00:33:09.760 --> 00:33:12.640
has a person picked out for you and someday they're going to find you.

641
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:17.920
All right. The next one is the passive guy script.

642
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.920
The next one is the passive guy script or the chill girl script. Okay I've seen a lot of this

643
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:32.480
in this community and I've seen a lot of this in my private coaching. You think that if you just

644
00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:37.680
are cool enough, if you're laid back enough, if you're just go with the flow enough that

645
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:41.600
this person's going to fall in love with you or someone's going to fall in love with you,

646
00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:46.560
that that's what's attractive. That people don't like high maintenance people and so you're going

647
00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:52.080
to abandon your own needs in relationship because you just want to be easygoing and easy to be with

648
00:33:52.080 --> 00:33:57.680
and easy to choose. Well guess what? Those people don't get chosen. Those people get used. Those

649
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:03.920
people end up in situationships. Guys, you too. The good guy finishes last. No, the passive guy

650
00:34:04.080 --> 00:34:10.480
finishes last. Please listen to me. Passive men finish last. Women want men who know where they're

651
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:16.400
going and know what they want and know how to get there. That's attractive to women. Not an

652
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:22.320
aggressive, alpha, toxic way, but in a, I have thought about this. I know what I want. I know

653
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:30.000
what I need and I want you. Now if she shoots you down, then okay, you move on. But you got to shoot

654
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:33.760
your shot. You got to shoot it fast. You got to shoot it with confidence. You got to shoot it

655
00:34:33.760 --> 00:34:38.239
with confidence. You got to get up to that free throw line and you got to shoot it like you know

656
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:43.360
you can make it. You can't just be like, well, you know, if you want to or we can hang out or

657
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:46.400
you know, I'm going to end, I'm going to be over here. I'm going to be your friend or be your

658
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:49.760
buddy and hopefully one day, you know, you're going to see me as something else. No, she'll

659
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:54.400
never see you as anything else. Okay, so that's another script you might be running.

660
00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:59.760
Don't be difficult. Don't talk about what you want because that just scares the

661
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.320
away. Scarcity script is another one. The good ones out there are rare. There's very few of them

662
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:12.240
left. So we have to make sure that we don't mess this up. We have to make sure that we do everything

663
00:35:12.240 --> 00:35:17.760
right. And if you have an anxious attachment style and you have a scarcity script, oh baby,

664
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:21.760
you won't be in trouble. You're going to be hanging on to stuff that you should have never

665
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:27.200
even given a second conversation to. Because you're like, well, there's probably nothing

666
00:35:27.200 --> 00:35:30.800
better out there. So I'm going to hang on to the leg of this one, make sure they don't get away.

667
00:35:32.080 --> 00:35:35.200
It's going to be like that movie, Misery, going to have them chained up somewhere,

668
00:35:35.200 --> 00:35:41.520
breaking their legs with a sledgehammer, trying to keep them. No, no, no, no, no. All right. Next,

669
00:35:41.520 --> 00:35:47.520
the independent script. A lot of you are running the script. You think that someone's going to

670
00:35:47.520 --> 00:35:52.320
climb your walls because you're going to act like I don't need anybody because that's sexy, right?

671
00:35:52.320 --> 00:36:00.080
I'm fine. I'm self-sufficient. I don't need anybody. I'm, I'm, I'm super confident. I'm super,

672
00:36:00.720 --> 00:36:05.600
you know, I'm a boss, babe, gentlemen. You know, I've got my stuff together. You know,

673
00:36:05.600 --> 00:36:09.040
she wants to be with me. Then, you know, she's going to have to go where I'm going and she'll

674
00:36:09.040 --> 00:36:14.560
have to go. More women run this than men. The independent script, way more women, but gentlemen,

675
00:36:14.560 --> 00:36:17.760
you're running it too. And you're running it in a different way. You're running it in,

676
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:21.440
I'm going to build my business. I'm going to build my body. I'm going to go out here and

677
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:24.720
I'm going to have a certain amount of money. And I'm going to make myself someone that a

678
00:36:24.720 --> 00:36:30.480
woman can fall in love with. No, sir. You don't build yourself up in order to get a woman. You

679
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:38.480
get a woman in order to have her partner with you to build yourself up. God has ordained it to be

680
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:46.000
this way. We're better together. You can't go out here and make a life that a woman wants to join.

681
00:36:46.080 --> 00:36:51.120
You have to go out here and you do your best in your single season. When you're a young,

682
00:36:51.120 --> 00:36:55.200
young man of figuring out what it is you're good at and where you should go and what God's calling

683
00:36:55.200 --> 00:37:00.160
you to do. And then you meet a woman and you partner and you build together. That's what you

684
00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:04.880
do. That's why so many older people are having so much trouble, even after they get married,

685
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:11.840
because you've built this life. And now you're asking someone to join it. And maybe the pieces

686
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:17.520
don't really quite fit together. And so there's a lot of change. There's a lot of transition.

687
00:37:17.520 --> 00:37:22.640
You know, there's a lot of sacrifice and rubbing off rough corners and edges that need to happen

688
00:37:22.640 --> 00:37:27.280
because you have, you know, been very autonomous and very independent for a really long time.

689
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:31.840
And now you're asking someone to join what you've built instead of building it together.

690
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:35.360
All right. And then we have the passive faith script, which a lot of you have been running

691
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:40.480
for a long time. If it's meant to happen, it will. If it's meant to happen, it will.

692
00:37:41.920 --> 00:37:46.160
Okay. It is meant to happen. You've been hardwired for it ever since you were born.

693
00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:52.720
The prototype is men and women together. The exception is singleness. Please hear me.

694
00:37:55.520 --> 00:38:00.640
The rule is marriage. The exception is singleness. Do you hear me? It's not the other way around.

695
00:38:01.120 --> 00:38:06.720
Meaning the majority of mankind, humankind is going to be in a maturity process called

696
00:38:06.720 --> 00:38:11.920
marriage and family. And then a few precious individuals because of, you know, weird stuff

697
00:38:11.920 --> 00:38:19.200
that happened to them. And then maybe once in a blue moon, a calling of celibacy and abstinence

698
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:28.800
and singleness. Okay. It's the exception. It's not the rule. So the passive faith script will

699
00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:32.480
tell you to go sit in some proverbial waiting room because someone told you that was holy.

700
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:41.760
That's not holy. That's passive. You're expecting God to do your part and his part.

701
00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:47.520
That's passive. You're expecting God to do your part and his part.

702
00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:51.840
Now there is a supernatural element to every love story that I've ever seen,

703
00:38:54.160 --> 00:38:57.040
but you have to do the natural so God can put his super on it.

704
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:03.040
And then it will be supernatural. Understand? You guys picking up what I'm putting down today?

705
00:39:05.040 --> 00:39:08.960
I'm looking at you. Nod your head. Nod your head. Yes or no.

706
00:39:12.720 --> 00:39:18.800
All right. All right. So you can run more than one script at a time. Like someone might be running

707
00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:27.360
the chill girl script and the, um, and the passive faith script at the same time. Someone

708
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:31.680
might be running the fairy tale script and the passive faith script. A lot of people that are

709
00:39:31.680 --> 00:39:35.760
running the passive faith script, they also are running the fairy tale script because they're

710
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:38.960
like, okay, I'm going to go over here and wait. And God's going to bring me this amazing love

711
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:43.600
story. And I'm just going to know them when I see them. I'm going to know it. I'm going to feel it.

712
00:39:43.600 --> 00:39:46.800
God, the heavens are going to open and a white dove is going to descend

713
00:39:47.680 --> 00:39:52.400
and what poop on their head. No, that's not the way it works. And I will tell you that men,

714
00:39:52.400 --> 00:39:56.800
when they do their heartwork, when they do their heartwork and they get out of their own way with

715
00:39:56.800 --> 00:39:59.840
feeling like they have to be fully accomplished and they have to fully

716
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.040
built something and they have to have it all together.

717
00:40:02.240 --> 00:40:04.600
When men do their heartwork and get out of their own way,

718
00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:10.360
they very commonly know that a woman is their wife because they go into this

719
00:40:10.500 --> 00:40:14.040
marriage minded season and they're really are marriage ready.

720
00:40:14.040 --> 00:40:15.240
And when that happens,

721
00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:20.400
they very commonly have told me that they knew pretty early on,

722
00:40:21.640 --> 00:40:23.500
like, I know it's going to scare some of you,

723
00:40:23.500 --> 00:40:25.560
but within the first three to five dates,

724
00:40:26.720 --> 00:40:29.000
they knew that this was a woman that they wanted to marry.

725
00:40:29.160 --> 00:40:31.160
Not necessarily that they were going to marry her,

726
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:36.160
but that they could marry her. Does that make sense? All right,

727
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:39.720
go ahead and put in the chat friends. Which of these scripts are you running?

728
00:40:39.960 --> 00:40:41.000
You can run more than one.

729
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:43.720
Some of you are going to say I'm running all of them scripts, girl. All right,

730
00:40:43.720 --> 00:40:48.240
put up. Let's see. Let's see it.

731
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:50.080
Let's see it. Let's see it.

732
00:40:55.760 --> 00:40:58.720
I don't see anything. Do I not have, Oh, here.

733
00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:00.840
My bad. All right.

734
00:41:00.840 --> 00:41:01.680
Okay.

735
00:41:27.160 --> 00:41:30.600
Lots of fairy tales up in here. You guys got to let go of that.

736
00:41:31.720 --> 00:41:34.040
Trust me. My love story did not look like a fairy tale.

737
00:41:34.040 --> 00:41:34.880
I know some of you were like,

738
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:38.000
I want him to be my neighbor just like David was yours. You guys,

739
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:43.680
it was a bad season. It was not a fairy tale, honey.

740
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:47.960
It was a hard season.

741
00:41:52.560 --> 00:41:56.880
Scarcity, lots of scarcity. See some independence going on here.

742
00:42:00.840 --> 00:42:01.680
Okay.

743
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:12.720
Karen said, I think that I've been running three,

744
00:42:12.720 --> 00:42:17.240
four and five all at the same time. All right. So she's running scarcity,

745
00:42:17.600 --> 00:42:20.360
independence, impassive all at the same time.

746
00:42:22.560 --> 00:42:26.000
Some of y'all got some PI bipolar scripts running

747
00:42:27.720 --> 00:42:30.280
for the exact opposite of each other. So you're like this,

748
00:42:30.440 --> 00:42:34.920
that, this, that. Okay. That's why when people date you,

749
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:38.960
they don't know who's going to show up to the date because you're running

750
00:42:39.040 --> 00:42:40.120
opposite scripts.

751
00:42:40.240 --> 00:42:43.160
It's like you could be the chill girl and the next day you can be the

752
00:42:43.160 --> 00:42:46.360
independent girl. I don't need you. I don't need a man.

753
00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:50.920
What are you talking about? Right? And the next day you show up as, Oh,

754
00:42:51.120 --> 00:42:55.640
pick me, pick me, pick me. I'll be whatever you want. I can do it. I can do.

755
00:42:55.880 --> 00:43:00.240
I can be purple. I can be blue. I can be anything you want me to. All right.

756
00:43:00.280 --> 00:43:01.120
Okay.

757
00:43:17.200 --> 00:43:21.400
All right. Okay. So you guys,

758
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:24.000
your homework and those of you that are in the book club,

759
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:24.960
you've already done this,

760
00:43:25.480 --> 00:43:28.600
but everyone else's homework cause we're going to go into some Q and a now

761
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:33.440
because we're, we're going to cover more good stuff next week.

762
00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:35.960
So if you can be here live, make sure you're here live next Thursday.

763
00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:37.800
I think it's Thursday. Look on your,

764
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:41.280
look on your calendar in your app and see,

765
00:43:41.560 --> 00:43:44.160
but next week we're going to do some breakout sessions.

766
00:43:44.160 --> 00:43:46.720
We're going to talk about your revi your advisory,

767
00:43:46.720 --> 00:43:51.000
your relationship advisory circle, how to build it, who should be on it.

768
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:54.600
I'm going to put you in breakout so you can meet some new people,

769
00:43:54.640 --> 00:43:57.640
especially if you don't have anyone else to be part of that.

770
00:43:58.040 --> 00:44:02.080
But right now I want to do a dating autopsy with you. Okay.

771
00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:12.040
Trying to think of how I can do it right now. Okay. Actually what I think,

772
00:44:12.040 --> 00:44:16.640
I am going to put you in breakouts. Okay. So here are,

773
00:44:17.760 --> 00:44:19.640
here are what we're going to do in the breakouts.

774
00:44:19.640 --> 00:44:23.880
We're going to go into the breakouts and you're going to pick your most dominant

775
00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:28.560
script and you're going to share it and you're going to share it.

776
00:44:29.480 --> 00:44:34.480
You're going to share how it showed up in your latest dating situation.

777
00:44:35.720 --> 00:44:37.720
Even if it was just talking to someone,

778
00:44:38.120 --> 00:44:41.720
even if it was just having a crush and you never did talk to them,

779
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:47.080
how it showed up. Okay. And then I want you to share.

780
00:44:47.080 --> 00:44:50.720
So you're going to share your most dominant script or scripts, no more than two,

781
00:44:51.000 --> 00:44:53.240
how they show up currently right now.

782
00:44:53.520 --> 00:44:56.120
And then you're also going to share one more thing,

783
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:00.040
one belief about dating that you've actually outgrown.

784
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.120
and you're no longer doing sound good you guys got it your most active scripts and how they're

785
00:45:07.120 --> 00:45:12.240
showing up and sabotaging you right now and then something that you've actually overcome

786
00:45:12.240 --> 00:45:20.880
and that you no longer believe two things sound good i understand all right karen we'll see you

787
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:27.280
later girl all right okay i'm about to put you in some breakout rooms all right include the co-hosts

788
00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:39.360
in the breakouts um um

789
00:45:44.160 --> 00:45:52.000
i have a couple i have a couple hosts on here um i have a couple coaches on here i should say so

790
00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:56.480
so i'm just quickly making them some co-hosts

791
00:46:02.160 --> 00:46:10.480
all right and then

792
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:24.960
so all right i'm making the groups you guys in one minute go clockwise in your group person

793
00:46:24.960 --> 00:46:31.920
at 12 shares first and go clockwise all right no one over talk please be respectful make sure that

794
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:36.240
everyone gets a turn and then we come back we're going to do some q a we're going to do some shares

795
00:46:36.240 --> 00:46:48.720
it's going to be great i'll see you soon

796
00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:06.740
you

797
00:47:37.120 --> 00:47:37.620
you

798
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:51.440
okay you have to hit that button that says join the room for those of you that are still here

799
00:47:51.440 --> 00:48:00.720
i you need to hit that button in order to go to your room

800
00:48:06.240 --> 00:48:16.720
so

801
00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:30.720
come on y'all

802
00:48:36.240 --> 00:48:46.720
so

803
00:49:06.240 --> 00:49:06.740
you

804
00:49:36.240 --> 00:49:46.720
so

805
00:49:53.760 --> 00:50:00.720
okay

806
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:57.520
Sorry, Renee, I didn't mean to put you in there.

807
00:50:57.520 --> 00:51:04.960
I was all good. I was actually being nosy. So I thought I said, I'm just here for more support.

808
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:13.760
I did want, I did want Cheryl and Ebony to make it into a room, but since they're single.

809
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:27.760
The rest of these folks, Alice, Juana, Lucia, Rachel, Yesenia, I don't know where y'all are.

810
00:51:28.480 --> 00:51:30.960
Maybe you're in your rooms and it just still shows that you're here.

811
00:51:30.960 --> 00:51:32.560
Do you want to pause the recording?

812
00:51:35.440 --> 00:51:36.080
I can do that.

813
00:51:36.080 --> 00:51:44.080
All right, friends, welcome back.

814
00:51:46.640 --> 00:51:50.240
Did you guys find out that people are more like you than they are not like you?

815
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:56.000
Guys have a lot in common. Lots of things in common.

816
00:51:57.920 --> 00:52:01.920
We had one, I had one lady who was independent. The other was scarcity.

817
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:04.560
So I, and I was an independent too.

818
00:52:04.560 --> 00:52:08.880
Okay. Thanks for sharing Hunter.

819
00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:16.320
Okay. All right, you guys raise your hand and we'll start some Ask Jackie Q&A.

820
00:52:16.320 --> 00:52:23.280
All right. So next week we are going to hop into the second, some of the highlights.

821
00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:26.320
Once again, I'm doing a lot more in the book club that I'm doing here because

822
00:52:26.320 --> 00:52:30.080
obviously time and I just don't have time, but I am going to do a little bit of work

823
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:35.600
with you guys on, you know, bringing back your village, your individual village.

824
00:52:35.600 --> 00:52:38.880
And of course we are a village, all of us are a village together as well.

825
00:52:38.880 --> 00:52:42.640
And so we'll do, we'll do some work on what do we do about this?

826
00:52:43.520 --> 00:52:46.080
How do we recognize the scripts in real time?

827
00:52:46.080 --> 00:52:50.480
How do we allow other people in our lives to help us recognize these scripts

828
00:52:50.480 --> 00:52:54.320
so that we can rewrite portions of them and we can be successful.

829
00:52:54.320 --> 00:52:56.880
I believe that each and every one of you can have a summer of love,

830
00:52:56.880 --> 00:53:00.320
be engaged by the fall or be asking a woman to marry you by the fall.

831
00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:01.440
Do you believe that? Cause I do.

832
00:53:02.320 --> 00:53:06.320
There is no reason why it cannot happen and why it should not happen.

833
00:53:07.200 --> 00:53:10.240
Okay. And so that's going to be great.

834
00:53:10.240 --> 00:53:19.040
All right. So let's go ahead and put, put up your hands.

835
00:53:19.040 --> 00:53:22.880
I think, I think a few people already have their hands up that have questions.

836
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:29.600
Now we're going into kind of a regular Ask Jackie, regular love seats type of flow.

837
00:53:29.600 --> 00:53:34.080
I'm going to coach you from the information in this book though.

838
00:53:34.080 --> 00:53:36.560
Okay. And so we're going to go ahead and do that.

839
00:53:37.600 --> 00:53:41.680
And let's go ahead and start with Pamela. I'm going to.

840
00:53:45.040 --> 00:53:45.520
Hi there.

841
00:53:46.640 --> 00:53:48.480
You have to start, you have to turn on your video.

842
00:53:48.480 --> 00:53:50.240
If you're going to jump in the love seat, Pamela.

843
00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:53.760
Oh, okay. Hold on a second. Okay.

844
00:53:54.560 --> 00:53:57.440
Um, let me turn on a light. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just got off of work.

845
00:53:58.160 --> 00:53:58.560
It's okay.

846
00:54:01.920 --> 00:54:02.800
Okay. All right.

847
00:54:03.520 --> 00:54:06.240
All of you that have your hands up, make sure you have your cameras on.

848
00:54:06.960 --> 00:54:10.160
I'm not camera ready, but I'm not camera ready, but that's okay.

849
00:54:10.160 --> 00:54:11.840
I mean, it's fine. Whatever.

850
00:54:11.840 --> 00:54:13.120
You are absolutely fine.

851
00:54:14.080 --> 00:54:20.880
Okay. So my question is, um, out of the scripts, where would,

852
00:54:21.520 --> 00:54:23.920
cause I was trying to pick things out.

853
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:30.160
Where would like the rescuer helper person fall in that,

854
00:54:31.040 --> 00:54:34.480
in those scripts? Cause I had a little trouble with that.

855
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:38.400
Well, here's the thing, you know, we're not talking about,

856
00:54:38.480 --> 00:54:42.160
we're talking about what we believe about our love story,

857
00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:44.560
not necessarily how we act in our love story.

858
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:50.880
So, you know, um, probably, uh, maybe us, one of the, maybe scarcity,

859
00:54:50.880 --> 00:54:55.680
like, Hey, I, I have to fix the person that I'm going to be in relationship with.

860
00:54:55.680 --> 00:54:57.760
I have to help them. I have to save them.

861
00:54:57.760 --> 00:54:59.920
I can't just go find someone who's already.

862
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.480
somebody who's already done the work,

863
00:55:02.480 --> 00:55:04.280
because there's not a lot of good ones out here.

864
00:55:04.280 --> 00:55:07.220
So if there's anything about this person that I like,

865
00:55:07.220 --> 00:55:09.440
then I'm just gonna have to suck up all the things

866
00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:10.320
that I don't like.

867
00:55:11.760 --> 00:55:12.680
Okay, that makes sense.

868
00:55:12.680 --> 00:55:16.400
And that's kind of the one that I was leaning more towards,

869
00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:19.200
but since you, you know, I was thinking about it

870
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:21.200
in the wrong way, but you just changed that for me.

871
00:55:21.200 --> 00:55:22.120
So thank you.

872
00:55:23.080 --> 00:55:23.920
You're welcome.

873
00:55:23.920 --> 00:55:24.740
Thank you.

874
00:55:24.740 --> 00:55:25.580
And you look great.

875
00:55:27.160 --> 00:55:28.920
You do, you're gorgeous.

876
00:55:28.920 --> 00:55:30.800
Gorgeous hair, beautiful smile, beautiful skin.

877
00:55:30.800 --> 00:55:31.640
What's not to love?

878
00:55:31.640 --> 00:55:32.680
I don't care if you got off work.

879
00:55:32.680 --> 00:55:35.000
What do you do for work, Pamela?

880
00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:38.320
I'm a registered respiratory therapist.

881
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:39.760
Oh, all right.

882
00:55:41.520 --> 00:55:44.720
Well, that sounds like you're saving lives.

883
00:55:44.720 --> 00:55:47.560
And so once again, so what she does for a living

884
00:55:47.560 --> 00:55:49.240
kind of bleeds over a little bit

885
00:55:49.240 --> 00:55:52.680
into other things, doesn't it, friends?

886
00:55:52.680 --> 00:55:54.160
And that happens to a lot of us,

887
00:55:54.160 --> 00:55:55.200
even though we don't know it.

888
00:55:55.200 --> 00:55:56.640
Those of you that are counselors,

889
00:55:56.640 --> 00:55:59.400
those of you that work in healthcare,

890
00:55:59.400 --> 00:56:02.840
a lot of you are applying those dynamics

891
00:56:02.840 --> 00:56:06.520
that you have at your job to your friendships

892
00:56:06.520 --> 00:56:08.800
and your romantic relationships.

893
00:56:08.800 --> 00:56:11.120
That happens very frequently.

894
00:56:11.120 --> 00:56:13.920
Okay, Jessica Frank, camera on.

895
00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:15.720
I'm gonna spotlight you.

896
00:56:17.560 --> 00:56:19.160
Add spotlight.

897
00:56:19.160 --> 00:56:20.200
Oh man.

898
00:56:20.200 --> 00:56:21.200
There she is.

899
00:56:22.080 --> 00:56:23.720
Hey, thank you.

900
00:56:23.720 --> 00:56:26.600
Hey, I think mine's pretty quick.

901
00:56:27.280 --> 00:56:30.200
I've been seeing a guy for about seven weeks.

902
00:56:30.200 --> 00:56:31.640
We are exclusive.

903
00:56:31.640 --> 00:56:34.680
He was married, he's been divorced about four years,

904
00:56:34.680 --> 00:56:37.800
has two children, two girls, seven and 11.

905
00:56:37.800 --> 00:56:41.840
And I do recall this question has been asked in the past,

906
00:56:41.840 --> 00:56:44.440
but I could not remember your response.

907
00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:46.600
He texted me recently.

908
00:56:46.600 --> 00:56:48.640
Basically, just so you know,

909
00:56:48.640 --> 00:56:50.800
my children will always come first.

910
00:56:50.800 --> 00:56:55.320
And I'm like, I don't think Jackie loves when we hear that.

911
00:56:55.320 --> 00:56:58.120
But I couldn't remember what you usually say.

912
00:56:58.120 --> 00:57:01.440
So if you could just remind me, that would be great.

913
00:57:01.440 --> 00:57:03.400
Okay, so you guys are exclusive

914
00:57:03.400 --> 00:57:05.440
and you're talking about marriage.

915
00:57:07.160 --> 00:57:08.680
Not yet.

916
00:57:08.680 --> 00:57:13.240
Okay, but you know that he wants to be remarried.

917
00:57:13.240 --> 00:57:14.840
He wants to be married.

918
00:57:14.840 --> 00:57:15.680
Okay.

919
00:57:15.680 --> 00:57:17.520
All right, so you guys see the difference there?

920
00:57:17.520 --> 00:57:19.240
They're seven weeks in, they're exclusive.

921
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:21.960
He's asked you to be his girlfriend, correct?

922
00:57:21.960 --> 00:57:22.800
Called me his bill.

923
00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:24.800
I was like, what the heck is that?

924
00:57:25.320 --> 00:57:29.160
You're his boo, but he doesn't have any other boos.

925
00:57:29.160 --> 00:57:30.000
Is this correct?

926
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:30.840
Correct, yes.

927
00:57:30.840 --> 00:57:33.280
All right, so you guys have had a conversation

928
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:36.080
that neither one of you is dating anyone else.

929
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:37.200
Yes.

930
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:39.840
And you want to see where this goes.

931
00:57:39.840 --> 00:57:41.400
I did.

932
00:57:41.400 --> 00:57:42.240
Okay.

933
00:57:42.240 --> 00:57:43.840
I mean, I'm still seeing him, but.

934
00:57:43.840 --> 00:57:47.720
Okay, and so, but you know he's marriage-minded.

935
00:57:47.720 --> 00:57:50.000
He has expressed to you in conversation,

936
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:51.400
not necessarily marry you,

937
00:57:51.400 --> 00:57:53.440
but he does want to be married again.

938
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:54.520
Correct, yeah.

939
00:57:55.280 --> 00:57:56.560
All right, so you guys, just to catch you up.

940
00:57:56.560 --> 00:57:58.080
So Jessica is dating someone.

941
00:57:58.080 --> 00:57:59.440
She's been dating him for seven weeks.

942
00:57:59.440 --> 00:58:02.160
It's a little less than two months, and they're exclusive.

943
00:58:02.160 --> 00:58:05.320
That's right about where I would say

944
00:58:05.320 --> 00:58:09.240
having a define the relationship, where is this going?

945
00:58:09.240 --> 00:58:11.520
What are we to each other conversation?

946
00:58:11.520 --> 00:58:12.760
Seven weeks, that's good.

947
00:58:12.760 --> 00:58:15.040
It happens sometimes quicker than that,

948
00:58:15.040 --> 00:58:16.720
maybe a couple of weeks later than that,

949
00:58:16.720 --> 00:58:20.240
but definitely within 90 days,

950
00:58:20.240 --> 00:58:21.800
according to my framework in this book,

951
00:58:21.800 --> 00:58:24.320
you want to know that you're exclusive with someone

952
00:58:25.120 --> 00:58:26.400
and you're building towards a future together.

953
00:58:26.400 --> 00:58:27.920
Now you heard what she just said.

954
00:58:27.920 --> 00:58:30.440
She said that this guy that she's building with,

955
00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:32.480
okay, she's building a relationship with him,

956
00:58:32.480 --> 00:58:33.800
maybe not a future and a marriage,

957
00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:37.680
but a relationship, told her, just want to let you know.

958
00:58:39.400 --> 00:58:41.440
My kids are always going to come first.

959
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:44.600
Okay, how old are the kids?

960
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:47.320
Seven and 11.

961
00:58:47.320 --> 00:58:48.480
Seven and 11.

962
00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:49.800
All right, so there's a couple of things

963
00:58:49.800 --> 00:58:51.280
that might be happening here.

964
00:58:51.280 --> 00:58:52.960
One of the things that might be happening

965
00:58:52.960 --> 00:58:56.720
is he has heard the folklore of women trying to,

966
00:58:58.080 --> 00:59:00.280
women, the step monster folklore.

967
00:59:00.280 --> 00:59:04.760
A woman comes in and tries to divide a man from his children,

968
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:06.920
tries to take him over,

969
00:59:06.920 --> 00:59:09.200
tries to get him to cut off his children,

970
00:59:09.200 --> 00:59:10.600
not give them any money,

971
00:59:10.600 --> 00:59:12.760
not see them anymore kind of thing.

972
00:59:12.760 --> 00:59:13.800
And that happens, you guys,

973
00:59:13.800 --> 00:59:16.200
and unfortunately it happens a lot.

974
00:59:17.880 --> 00:59:22.320
It's not sometimes, it's common that this happens.

975
00:59:22.320 --> 00:59:24.680
A lot of women don't want anything to do with children

976
00:59:24.680 --> 00:59:26.280
that are not theirs.

977
00:59:26.280 --> 00:59:27.440
Do you guys believe me?

978
00:59:28.640 --> 00:59:30.760
And they don't really come across like that at first.

979
00:59:30.760 --> 00:59:32.040
You know, they want to win the man over,

980
00:59:32.040 --> 00:59:33.440
they want to win his heart,

981
00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:36.200
but then the manipulation starts and the deception starts

982
00:59:36.200 --> 00:59:40.560
and they're sowing seeds of detachment and disconnection

983
00:59:40.560 --> 00:59:42.360
with him and his kids.

984
00:59:42.360 --> 00:59:47.280
Okay, there's a reason why when you hear wicked step mother,

985
00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:49.880
it's not wicked step father.

986
00:59:49.880 --> 00:59:52.120
The reason why that's a moniker,

987
00:59:52.920 --> 00:59:55.440
wicked step mother is because it happens way too often

988
00:59:55.440 --> 00:59:57.160
because women are very territorial

989
00:59:57.160 --> 00:59:59.720
and they're very jealous and they're very insecure.

990
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.240
Okay, so he could just be testing you.

991
01:00:02.240 --> 01:00:05.280
Even unconsciously, he could be testing you right now.

992
01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:07.080
And so we can't make a decision on this man

993
01:00:07.080 --> 01:00:09.500
based on that one statement,

994
01:00:09.500 --> 01:00:11.560
because he could just be seeing

995
01:00:11.560 --> 01:00:13.480
like where your loyalties are,

996
01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:15.160
you know, how you're gonna feel.

997
01:00:15.160 --> 01:00:16.980
Most men that are good men,

998
01:00:16.980 --> 01:00:19.720
that are divorced and have young children especially,

999
01:00:19.720 --> 01:00:20.840
they wanna marry a woman

1000
01:00:20.840 --> 01:00:23.480
who's gonna love their children like their own.

1001
01:00:23.480 --> 01:00:24.320
That's what they want.

1002
01:00:24.320 --> 01:00:27.280
And so he could be testing you.

1003
01:00:27.280 --> 01:00:29.680
And so if I were you and you really liked this guy

1004
01:00:29.680 --> 01:00:31.440
and there's a lot to like about him,

1005
01:00:31.440 --> 01:00:33.680
and this is the only kind of yellow flag,

1006
01:00:33.680 --> 01:00:35.040
I would continue to see him

1007
01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:37.860
and I would make sure that you are letting him know

1008
01:00:37.860 --> 01:00:41.760
that you have no desire to steal him away from his children.

1009
01:00:41.760 --> 01:00:44.560
You know, in little ways, in little ways.

1010
01:00:44.560 --> 01:00:46.080
Like, have you met the kids yet?

1011
01:00:46.080 --> 01:00:48.280
You're only seven weeks in, you probably haven't met them.

1012
01:00:48.280 --> 01:00:51.120
Okay, does he have a plan for introducing you to the kids?

1013
01:00:51.120 --> 01:00:52.320
No.

1014
01:00:52.320 --> 01:00:55.040
Right, and what is his relationship with their mother?

1015
01:00:56.720 --> 01:00:57.560
It's good.

1016
01:00:57.560 --> 01:00:59.320
Amicable, is that, that's the right word?

1017
01:00:59.840 --> 01:01:01.280
It's amicable, it's good.

1018
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:04.240
And is she cool with him dating and getting remarried?

1019
01:01:04.240 --> 01:01:07.800
Yeah, she has a boyfriend, yes.

1020
01:01:07.800 --> 01:01:09.000
Cool, awesome.

1021
01:01:09.000 --> 01:01:12.640
All right, yes, it could just be, even unconsciously,

1022
01:01:12.640 --> 01:01:14.960
him just wondering like, you know,

1023
01:01:14.960 --> 01:01:18.120
whether you're gonna be some jealous or insecure woman.

1024
01:01:18.120 --> 01:01:20.600
Oh, that's, I've never even had a thought

1025
01:01:20.600 --> 01:01:23.160
like you just described, so.

1026
01:01:23.160 --> 01:01:24.120
Yeah, no.

1027
01:01:24.120 --> 01:01:24.960
Yeah, okay.

1028
01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:27.280
You like stuff about him besides the statement?

1029
01:01:28.240 --> 01:01:30.360
Yeah, there's other yellow flags,

1030
01:01:30.360 --> 01:01:34.240
but I just set up a coaching call with Renee.

1031
01:01:34.240 --> 01:01:38.080
And how does Juan share information like this?

1032
01:01:38.080 --> 01:01:41.200
What kind of environment were you guys in

1033
01:01:41.200 --> 01:01:44.040
where he busted out with, just so you know?

1034
01:01:44.040 --> 01:01:46.440
That was a text, which I, I mean,

1035
01:01:46.440 --> 01:01:48.200
I've had Renee's coaching for two years.

1036
01:01:48.200 --> 01:01:49.440
What were you guys talking about?

1037
01:01:49.440 --> 01:01:51.080
What were you guys talking about?

1038
01:01:52.560 --> 01:01:54.520
We had plans and he was gonna be late,

1039
01:01:54.560 --> 01:01:57.320
which I'm like, bro, like I'm, I don't call him that.

1040
01:01:57.320 --> 01:01:59.400
Okay, so, okay, so you had plans,

1041
01:01:59.400 --> 01:02:00.240
he was gonna be late

1042
01:02:00.240 --> 01:02:02.240
and he was gonna be late because of his kids.

1043
01:02:02.240 --> 01:02:03.200
Yes.

1044
01:02:03.200 --> 01:02:04.800
Okay, all right, yeah.

1045
01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:06.880
I don't see that as harmful at all.

1046
01:02:06.880 --> 01:02:08.400
I feel like if you like this guy

1047
01:02:08.400 --> 01:02:11.160
and there's a lot of other things that you like about him,

1048
01:02:11.160 --> 01:02:15.080
I think that, I think that, you know, that's fine.

1049
01:02:15.080 --> 01:02:17.320
Now you do wanna be prioritized during the relationship.

1050
01:02:17.320 --> 01:02:19.000
And if you start to see that,

1051
01:02:19.920 --> 01:02:22.080
cause I'm just gonna tell you this about men

1052
01:02:22.080 --> 01:02:23.360
and you probably already know this,

1053
01:02:23.400 --> 01:02:25.640
but I'm gonna reiterate it to you.

1054
01:02:25.640 --> 01:02:28.800
Even when men have kids, if they are marriage minded

1055
01:02:28.800 --> 01:02:30.200
and they're relationship minded,

1056
01:02:30.200 --> 01:02:34.040
they will make room and make space and make time

1057
01:02:34.040 --> 01:02:36.240
and prioritize building with you

1058
01:02:36.240 --> 01:02:37.840
if they really, really like you.

1059
01:02:38.880 --> 01:02:40.000
He hasn't done that this week.

1060
01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:42.520
We haven't spoken on the phone at all this week.

1061
01:02:42.520 --> 01:02:43.360
And I called him twice.

1062
01:02:43.360 --> 01:02:44.200
Just this week.

1063
01:02:44.200 --> 01:02:46.680
What's the change this week?

1064
01:02:46.680 --> 01:02:47.520
I don't know.

1065
01:02:48.840 --> 01:02:50.400
When's the last time you saw him?

1066
01:02:50.400 --> 01:02:51.840
Sunday.

1067
01:02:51.840 --> 01:02:54.320
How did you respond to my kids come first comment?

1068
01:02:55.680 --> 01:02:57.840
Oh, I was like, no problem.

1069
01:02:57.840 --> 01:02:59.160
I understand.

1070
01:02:59.160 --> 01:03:00.000
Like, yeah.

1071
01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:00.840
Okay, great.

1072
01:03:00.840 --> 01:03:01.680
Yeah.

1073
01:03:01.680 --> 01:03:02.680
And what is he doing differently this week

1074
01:03:02.680 --> 01:03:03.840
that he doesn't usually do?

1075
01:03:03.840 --> 01:03:05.160
Is there some extra work?

1076
01:03:05.160 --> 01:03:06.600
Is there some extra kid stuff?

1077
01:03:06.600 --> 01:03:09.720
Is there something that's causing him to be,

1078
01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:11.320
you know, AWOL?

1079
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:13.640
He's had the kids twice.

1080
01:03:13.640 --> 01:03:17.600
They live with her, but they, he lives a block from them.

1081
01:03:17.600 --> 01:03:20.560
So he sees them every morning and takes them to school.

1082
01:03:20.600 --> 01:03:22.320
Okay, so we are Thursday.

1083
01:03:22.320 --> 01:03:23.160
We're Thursday.

1084
01:03:23.160 --> 01:03:24.880
You haven't heard from him at all?

1085
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:26.480
Just good morning.

1086
01:03:26.480 --> 01:03:29.240
Which I'm like, listen, don't even send me that.

1087
01:03:29.240 --> 01:03:31.720
Like, it's so lame.

1088
01:03:31.720 --> 01:03:33.280
So you've heard good morning.

1089
01:03:33.280 --> 01:03:34.240
Yeah.

1090
01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:35.080
Sorry.

1091
01:03:35.080 --> 01:03:35.920
That's it.

1092
01:03:35.920 --> 01:03:37.520
And how often do you guys usually talk

1093
01:03:37.520 --> 01:03:40.000
and how often do you get together?

1094
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:42.600
We were doing like once during the week

1095
01:03:42.600 --> 01:03:43.920
and then once on the weekends.

1096
01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:44.960
But the last two weeks

1097
01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:47.800
we haven't been able to work out during the week.

1098
01:03:47.800 --> 01:03:48.640
Okay.

1099
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:49.680
And do you guys talk on the phone

1100
01:03:49.720 --> 01:03:51.280
between those dates in person?

1101
01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:53.320
Haven't been.

1102
01:03:54.560 --> 01:03:55.400
Okay.

1103
01:03:55.400 --> 01:03:59.000
So it's completely okay for you, Jessica.

1104
01:03:59.000 --> 01:04:00.320
This is not demanding.

1105
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:01.160
Okay.

1106
01:04:01.160 --> 01:04:02.800
Cause we don't want to run the chill girl script.

1107
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:03.640
Okay.

1108
01:04:03.640 --> 01:04:04.480
Right.

1109
01:04:04.480 --> 01:04:05.320
We're not going to run the chill girl.

1110
01:04:05.320 --> 01:04:06.160
I'm easygoing.

1111
01:04:06.160 --> 01:04:07.000
I'm go with the flow.

1112
01:04:07.000 --> 01:04:09.280
No, you have needs, you have desires

1113
01:04:09.280 --> 01:04:11.160
and you've been dating this guy for almost two months.

1114
01:04:11.160 --> 01:04:14.320
He's asked you to exclusively date him and no one else

1115
01:04:14.320 --> 01:04:17.240
which gives you the right to say, hey, you know

1116
01:04:17.240 --> 01:04:18.960
I know that our schedules are not aligning

1117
01:04:19.000 --> 01:04:21.280
but when we can't get together in person,

1118
01:04:21.280 --> 01:04:23.680
I really, I really need to talk to you on the phone.

1119
01:04:23.680 --> 01:04:25.000
Can we FaceTime?

1120
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:28.200
You know, I'm feeling kind of disconnected, you know

1121
01:04:28.200 --> 01:04:30.120
missing, missing seeing you.

1122
01:04:30.120 --> 01:04:30.960
It could be light.

1123
01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:32.040
You don't have to be demanding.

1124
01:04:32.040 --> 01:04:33.520
I'm missing seeing you.

1125
01:04:33.520 --> 01:04:35.120
You know, can we connect?

1126
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:37.040
Because he can be overwhelmed.

1127
01:04:37.040 --> 01:04:39.960
You guys, this is what you need to know about single dads.

1128
01:04:39.960 --> 01:04:44.680
If he wanted to, he would, does not fit them that well.

1129
01:04:44.680 --> 01:04:46.680
Single dads that have little kids

1130
01:04:46.680 --> 01:04:47.720
and they have shared parenting.

1131
01:04:47.760 --> 01:04:49.680
I know, cause I'm married to one,

1132
01:04:49.680 --> 01:04:52.280
same, almost the same age as the guy she's dating.

1133
01:04:52.280 --> 01:04:54.400
The kids were nine and 11 when I met David

1134
01:04:54.400 --> 01:04:59.040
and he had a lot on his plate as a single dad

1135
01:04:59.040 --> 01:05:00.600
and he only had them a couple.

1136
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.820
times a week, just like this dude. And it was, it was a lot.

1137
01:05:03.300 --> 01:05:05.500
There's a reason why men don't have children on their own.

1138
01:05:05.520 --> 01:05:08.060
There's a reason why women shouldn't have children on their own. Okay.

1139
01:05:08.060 --> 01:05:13.020
We need each other. And so I just want to let you know that he might want to,

1140
01:05:13.060 --> 01:05:15.140
but he might be being spread a little too thin.

1141
01:05:15.140 --> 01:05:18.940
So she needs to ask for her needs to be met, not in a demanding way,

1142
01:05:19.020 --> 01:05:20.660
but in an informative way.

1143
01:05:20.660 --> 01:05:23.220
And then I want you to report back to us and tell us what happens.

1144
01:05:23.940 --> 01:05:26.760
Here's the thing. If he gets upset that you have needs,

1145
01:05:26.760 --> 01:05:30.260
if he feels like you're being too demanding, if he pulls back even more,

1146
01:05:30.260 --> 01:05:33.580
then you just know this, he could be a good guy. Um,

1147
01:05:33.600 --> 01:05:37.300
he could even be a compatible guy, a guy that has your non-negotiables,

1148
01:05:37.340 --> 01:05:40.940
et cetera, et cetera, but he's not ready for relationship.

1149
01:05:42.140 --> 01:05:46.060
He doesn't got his stuff. Right. He might even think he might've even thought

1150
01:05:46.080 --> 01:05:48.460
when he asked you to be his girlfriend, that he was ready,

1151
01:05:49.020 --> 01:05:53.980
but he has not gotten his stuff together to a place where he can

1152
01:05:53.980 --> 01:05:56.760
actually give you the time and attention you deserve.

1153
01:05:57.080 --> 01:06:00.880
So we're going to find out, aren't we? Yeah. All right. That's your homework.

1154
01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:04.440
Let us know. Let us know, girl. We want to know report to us.

1155
01:06:04.880 --> 01:06:10.160
We're your village. Okay. Jessica, we're your village. Okay. Sarah bath.

1156
01:06:10.180 --> 01:06:11.520
Okay. Wait, let me find Jessica.

1157
01:06:12.760 --> 01:06:15.760
She doesn't want to continue to be spotlighted when she's not talking.

1158
01:06:17.000 --> 01:06:18.820
You guys. And I'm just kind of rushing things along.

1159
01:06:18.820 --> 01:06:22.080
Cause I want to make sure I get everybody in, um, shoot,

1160
01:06:23.060 --> 01:06:25.860
um, remove spotlight. Okay. Um,

1161
01:06:29.340 --> 01:06:33.860
all right. Sarah path. Hello.

1162
01:06:36.100 --> 01:06:40.300
Oh, I did. Yes. I went over to the dark side. I mean, why not? Right.

1163
01:06:40.300 --> 01:06:41.540
Went to the dark side. Cause we have,

1164
01:06:43.060 --> 01:06:45.780
that's why I haven't even, I wasn't planning on being on camera,

1165
01:06:45.780 --> 01:06:47.620
but I had a question. So, um,

1166
01:06:47.820 --> 01:06:51.580
I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get packed for vacation. But, um,

1167
01:06:52.540 --> 01:06:57.060
so I have a little crush and I want to talk through that.

1168
01:06:57.660 --> 01:07:00.700
I want to ask you, cause I have really strong opinions about crushes. Yes.

1169
01:07:00.700 --> 01:07:05.220
So the first question I want to ask you is how long have you been crushing?

1170
01:07:05.620 --> 01:07:10.020
Oh, not long. I mean, like, um,

1171
01:07:10.060 --> 01:07:13.060
a week, maybe, no, not even that long. Probably. I mean,

1172
01:07:14.620 --> 01:07:17.940
I have known this person for a very long time. He actually lives in my town.

1173
01:07:17.960 --> 01:07:19.560
How about that? Um,

1174
01:07:19.840 --> 01:07:23.400
just recently started seeing him in a different way. Okay. Go ahead.

1175
01:07:24.080 --> 01:07:28.120
Okay. So I see him when I go for a walk in the evening,

1176
01:07:28.120 --> 01:07:31.320
there's a college here close and I go walk and he works there.

1177
01:07:31.600 --> 01:07:35.600
And so we are there all the time. Just he's running. I'm walking.

1178
01:07:35.640 --> 01:07:40.240
And I see him, you know, just in passing, we always just say hello and chit chat.

1179
01:07:40.280 --> 01:07:44.720
I mean, it's nothing, you know, anything crazy, but just, you know,

1180
01:07:44.720 --> 01:07:47.680
we're just nice. And, you know, like I said, we've known each other forever.

1181
01:07:47.680 --> 01:07:52.500
So anyway, but tell us how you know each other forever. So,

1182
01:07:52.540 --> 01:07:53.900
well, I mean, not forever,

1183
01:07:53.900 --> 01:07:58.700
but I have known of him that we have not had like a friendly relationship.

1184
01:07:58.700 --> 01:08:00.860
Like he went to school here. He's from here.

1185
01:08:01.220 --> 01:08:06.220
I've lived over this way since about 2008 acquaintances. Yes.

1186
01:08:06.940 --> 01:08:10.000
Yes. Um, and so anyway,

1187
01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:14.620
but the other day we stopped and talked for

1188
01:08:14.720 --> 01:08:19.520
about an hour and that had never really happened before. And he kind of,

1189
01:08:19.600 --> 01:08:23.560
you know, opened up to me about some different things about, you know,

1190
01:08:23.560 --> 01:08:27.720
his past marriage, which was about eight, eight, nine years ago, you know,

1191
01:08:28.040 --> 01:08:32.040
he's gone through a divorce and that kind of thing. And so, um, you know,

1192
01:08:32.040 --> 01:08:34.779
nothing too deep, but I mean, he's been through some hard stuff.

1193
01:08:34.779 --> 01:08:37.600
I've been through some hard stuff and we just kind of, you know,

1194
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:41.800
talked about some things and also some fun things like what we like to watch on

1195
01:08:41.819 --> 01:08:46.700
TV and just different things like that, you know? Um, and so anyway,

1196
01:08:47.180 --> 01:08:50.460
um, then I had told him, I was like, um,

1197
01:08:50.819 --> 01:08:54.420
there's somebody on a TV show that reminds me of you. And you know,

1198
01:08:54.420 --> 01:08:57.380
when I think when I see him, I think, Oh my gosh,

1199
01:08:57.380 --> 01:09:01.220
he reminds me so much of you. And I said, if I can find it, I'll send it to you.

1200
01:09:01.220 --> 01:09:04.819
He said, yeah, send it to me. So I sent it to him. Um, we,

1201
01:09:04.819 --> 01:09:08.740
we're Instagram and Facebook friends, you know, and so I sent it to him and then

1202
01:09:08.760 --> 01:09:11.279
he wrote me back and, and he was just like, well,

1203
01:09:11.279 --> 01:09:14.840
I'll take that as a compliment. And I said, well, you should. And,

1204
01:09:14.920 --> 01:09:18.120
and then he was like, well, I'm glad for the great chat today. And I said,

1205
01:09:18.120 --> 01:09:22.319
well, me too. And, um, and you know, he's Christian, you know, and,

1206
01:09:22.359 --> 01:09:25.920
and he's, we talked about the Lord and, um, you know,

1207
01:09:25.920 --> 01:09:30.319
how he's kind of been on a journey with that as well. And so my,

1208
01:09:30.399 --> 01:09:35.160
my question is like, there's no clear, like, you know,

1209
01:09:35.160 --> 01:09:38.359
like he knows I'm single. I'm not 100% sure.

1210
01:09:38.380 --> 01:09:42.740
I'm pretty certain that he's single. Um, but

1211
01:09:43.859 --> 01:09:47.220
okay. Like what am I saying? What's your question?

1212
01:09:47.220 --> 01:09:48.660
Your question is what do I do next?

1213
01:09:49.460 --> 01:09:54.060
Yeah. Like do I just like continue to see him and just say hi and talk and,

1214
01:09:54.100 --> 01:09:58.500
or is there a point to where I'm like, Hey, you know, if you're interested,

1215
01:09:58.620 --> 01:09:59.860
you know what I'm saying? You know what I mean?

1216
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.540
I don't want to be too forward.

1217
01:10:01.540 --> 01:10:02.040
Yes.

1218
01:10:02.040 --> 01:10:03.240
No, I get what you're saying.

1219
01:10:03.240 --> 01:10:08.000
But here's where if he wanted to, he would, does apply.

1220
01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:09.440
All right, you guys listening?

1221
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:11.040
He has access to her.

1222
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:13.360
They run into each other regularly.

1223
01:10:13.360 --> 01:10:14.560
They have now connected.

1224
01:10:14.560 --> 01:10:16.520
Even though they were already Facebook friends,

1225
01:10:16.520 --> 01:10:18.200
they now have a connection on Facebook.

1226
01:10:18.200 --> 01:10:21.080
They have an open chat on social media

1227
01:10:21.080 --> 01:10:23.520
where she has sent him a picture of someone he looks like.

1228
01:10:23.520 --> 01:10:25.560
And he has said, I enjoyed our chat.

1229
01:10:25.560 --> 01:10:29.560
She has reciprocated and said, I enjoyed our chat, too.

1230
01:10:29.640 --> 01:10:30.920
The ball is in his court.

1231
01:10:30.920 --> 01:10:33.640
Do you see why?

1232
01:10:33.640 --> 01:10:35.840
Because he knows he's going to run into her.

1233
01:10:35.840 --> 01:10:37.440
He knows where she's going to be.

1234
01:10:37.440 --> 01:10:38.680
He knows when she walks.

1235
01:10:38.680 --> 01:10:39.920
He knows that she does walk.

1236
01:10:39.920 --> 01:10:41.480
He runs at the same place.

1237
01:10:41.480 --> 01:10:43.180
They've run into each other several times.

1238
01:10:43.180 --> 01:10:45.000
They now have an open chat on Facebook.

1239
01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:46.500
She doesn't have to drop the hanky.

1240
01:10:46.500 --> 01:10:49.680
The hanky's dropped, all right?

1241
01:10:49.680 --> 01:10:53.000
So the next time that you run into him, just like you

1242
01:10:53.000 --> 01:10:56.000
were like, oh, hey, you know, someone looks like you,

1243
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:57.960
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you

1244
01:10:57.960 --> 01:11:00.880
can say to him something like, have you ever

1245
01:11:00.880 --> 01:11:04.680
been to such and such a place in your town?

1246
01:11:04.680 --> 01:11:06.720
Maybe you have a new coffee shop or something there.

1247
01:11:06.720 --> 01:11:07.880
Have you ever been to that place?

1248
01:11:07.880 --> 01:11:08.920
Oh, I go there a lot.

1249
01:11:08.920 --> 01:11:11.720
You know, we, you know, you should meet me there sometime.

1250
01:11:11.720 --> 01:11:13.240
You can do something like that when

1251
01:11:13.240 --> 01:11:15.720
you see him in person next if he hasn't already

1252
01:11:15.720 --> 01:11:17.120
asked you out by then.

1253
01:11:17.120 --> 01:11:17.920
Yeah.

1254
01:11:17.920 --> 01:11:19.280
OK, sound good?

1255
01:11:19.280 --> 01:11:20.080
Yes.

1256
01:11:20.080 --> 01:11:21.960
All right, Sarah.

1257
01:11:21.960 --> 01:11:24.280
I mean, he said he enjoyed your company.

1258
01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:25.320
That's good.

1259
01:11:25.320 --> 01:11:27.600
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1260
01:11:28.120 --> 01:11:33.360
I was telling the group, I'm a romantic, right?

1261
01:11:33.360 --> 01:11:37.360
And like the fairy tale thing kind of hit me, you know?

1262
01:11:37.360 --> 01:11:41.360
And so I'm like, I just want to keep it, keep it,

1263
01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:43.080
you know, at bay a little bit.

1264
01:11:43.080 --> 01:11:46.360
And I'm just trying to figure it out, so.

1265
01:11:46.360 --> 01:11:48.960
No, I love it that you guys cross paths

1266
01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:51.240
and it could become something.

1267
01:11:51.240 --> 01:11:53.960
But he has to want it to become something.

1268
01:11:53.960 --> 01:11:58.120
And he has to, you know, you're making yourself available.

1269
01:11:58.120 --> 01:12:01.920
You're open, you're receptive, you know, you're flirting.

1270
01:12:01.920 --> 01:12:04.520
And, you know, just even saying, oh, you

1271
01:12:04.520 --> 01:12:06.200
look like someone from a TV show.

1272
01:12:06.200 --> 01:12:08.280
That's flirting, honey, all right?

1273
01:12:08.280 --> 01:12:09.080
That's flirting.

1274
01:12:09.080 --> 01:12:09.880
Thank you.

1275
01:12:09.880 --> 01:12:12.440
Unless the guy was, you know, mid-ugly

1276
01:12:12.440 --> 01:12:14.240
and then we have a problem.

1277
01:12:14.240 --> 01:12:16.000
He is definitely not.

1278
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:17.160
OK, all right.

1279
01:12:17.160 --> 01:12:19.200
So you told him that he looked like someone

1280
01:12:19.200 --> 01:12:21.680
who's probably substantially better looking than him

1281
01:12:21.680 --> 01:12:22.920
because they're on TV.

1282
01:12:22.920 --> 01:12:24.360
So guess what?

1283
01:12:24.360 --> 01:12:26.360
That's a flex.

1284
01:12:26.360 --> 01:12:27.560
You just flexed this guy.

1285
01:12:27.560 --> 01:12:30.080
All right, so we'll see what happens, but keep us posted.

1286
01:12:30.080 --> 01:12:32.440
If you see him in person and you want to, you know,

1287
01:12:32.440 --> 01:12:34.160
tell him about some place in your town

1288
01:12:34.160 --> 01:12:35.920
that he might not have gone to and be like,

1289
01:12:35.920 --> 01:12:37.400
we should go there together.

1290
01:12:37.400 --> 01:12:40.280
Then, you know, or you know what you could do, Sarah?

1291
01:12:40.280 --> 01:12:41.640
Because you guys both walk around,

1292
01:12:41.640 --> 01:12:43.560
you should be like, hey, we should come here

1293
01:12:43.560 --> 01:12:46.120
at the same time on purpose, you know?

1294
01:12:46.120 --> 01:12:47.640
You could definitely do that too.

1295
01:12:47.640 --> 01:12:48.960
OK.

1296
01:12:48.960 --> 01:12:49.760
All right, girl.

1297
01:12:49.760 --> 01:12:51.160
Thank you, Jackie, appreciate it.

1298
01:12:53.720 --> 01:12:56.360
I always want to go to my place.

1299
01:12:56.360 --> 01:12:57.840
Who's got their stuff unmuted?

1300
01:12:57.840 --> 01:12:58.520
OK.

1301
01:12:58.520 --> 01:13:00.080
All right, you guys, we have to do a speed round

1302
01:13:00.080 --> 01:13:01.320
because we have nine minutes.

1303
01:13:01.320 --> 01:13:03.480
And so as soon as I spotlight you,

1304
01:13:03.480 --> 01:13:04.960
you have to ask your question.

1305
01:13:04.960 --> 01:13:07.400
We can't have any back story now, OK?

1306
01:13:07.400 --> 01:13:08.800
Because we don't have enough time.

1307
01:13:08.800 --> 01:13:10.520
All right, so let's do it.

1308
01:13:10.520 --> 01:13:11.200
Peggy's up.

1309
01:13:11.200 --> 01:13:13.080
Peggy, what's your question?

1310
01:13:13.080 --> 01:13:15.520
OK, I just want to know when you get

1311
01:13:15.520 --> 01:13:19.760
to the place of going on dating apps, which I haven't done yet

1312
01:13:19.760 --> 01:13:22.800
because I'm in phase two and I just, I haven't done that.

1313
01:13:22.800 --> 01:13:24.320
So how many apps do you go on?

1314
01:13:24.320 --> 01:13:26.440
Do you just pick one?

1315
01:13:26.440 --> 01:13:29.440
Do you do two, three, whatever?

1316
01:13:29.440 --> 01:13:30.040
I mean, what?

1317
01:13:30.040 --> 01:13:31.400
I would pick two.

1318
01:13:31.400 --> 01:13:34.200
For those of you that are only on one, I would do two, OK?

1319
01:13:34.200 --> 01:13:36.600
And I do have, all the people in my book club

1320
01:13:36.600 --> 01:13:40.000
are on a dating app sabbatical for the duration

1321
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:41.000
of the book club.

1322
01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:42.760
But you guys are not in that.

1323
01:13:42.760 --> 01:13:44.760
You're not on the sabbatical.

1324
01:13:44.760 --> 01:13:46.600
So I'm in the clubs.

1325
01:13:46.600 --> 01:13:48.440
So I'm on the sabbatical.

1326
01:13:48.440 --> 01:13:49.000
Yeah.

1327
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:50.200
OK, well, guess what, honey?

1328
01:13:50.200 --> 01:13:51.960
We're going to go into depth about how

1329
01:13:51.960 --> 01:13:53.840
you do that in week four.

1330
01:13:53.840 --> 01:13:55.320
OK, perfect.

1331
01:13:55.320 --> 01:13:56.520
You got it.

1332
01:13:56.520 --> 01:13:57.040
OK.

1333
01:13:57.040 --> 01:13:57.560
I'm excited.

1334
01:13:57.560 --> 01:13:58.880
I'm excited to do that.

1335
01:13:58.880 --> 01:14:00.360
Did I answer your question?

1336
01:14:00.360 --> 01:14:01.240
Yes, it did.

1337
01:14:01.240 --> 01:14:01.960
Thank you.

1338
01:14:01.960 --> 01:14:03.120
OK, awesome.

1339
01:14:03.120 --> 01:14:05.720
Rosanna, you're up.

1340
01:14:05.720 --> 01:14:08.240
OK, what you got, Rosanna?

1341
01:14:08.240 --> 01:14:09.680
OK, can you hear me?

1342
01:14:09.680 --> 01:14:11.920
Hi, so really quickly, one of the guys,

1343
01:14:11.920 --> 01:14:14.520
I think you answered some of it, he

1344
01:14:14.520 --> 01:14:16.040
was dealing with a custody battle

1345
01:14:16.040 --> 01:14:17.800
with somebody I was talking to.

1346
01:14:17.800 --> 01:14:19.880
And I'm starting, we haven't spoken in a couple of days.

1347
01:14:19.880 --> 01:14:21.160
And we haven't seen each other.

1348
01:14:21.160 --> 01:14:23.080
It was four weeks when we matched.

1349
01:14:23.080 --> 01:14:25.240
And I'm like, he was like, I'm starting

1350
01:14:25.240 --> 01:14:27.760
to see that I am not finding joy in what I'm doing.

1351
01:14:27.760 --> 01:14:31.160
And so I've picked up on it, obviously.

1352
01:14:31.160 --> 01:14:33.040
So I just wanted to let it be like, hey,

1353
01:14:33.040 --> 01:14:35.760
when things settle down on your side, reach out to me.

1354
01:14:35.760 --> 01:14:37.560
We clicked so well in the first two weeks.

1355
01:14:37.560 --> 01:14:39.480
And I feel like I answered this in text.

1356
01:14:39.480 --> 01:14:40.000
You did.

1357
01:14:40.000 --> 01:14:41.000
You did answer some.

1358
01:14:41.000 --> 01:14:43.480
Yeah, I just wanted to know how I should phrase it to like,

1359
01:14:43.480 --> 01:14:45.160
can I just say that in a sense of,

1360
01:14:45.160 --> 01:14:46.600
I wanted to know how to phrase it.

1361
01:14:46.600 --> 01:14:47.760
I'm going to text him this weekend.

1362
01:14:47.760 --> 01:14:49.200
That's exactly what you should do.

1363
01:14:49.240 --> 01:14:51.680
You should just say, hey, you got a lot going on

1364
01:14:51.680 --> 01:14:52.680
in your life right now.

1365
01:14:52.680 --> 01:14:54.720
And I'll be praying for you.

1366
01:14:54.720 --> 01:14:59.640
And when your custody is over and your divorce is over,

1367
01:14:59.640 --> 01:15:01.440
hit me up.

1368
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
Okay. Just leave it like that. That's fine. That's all I wanted. Thank you.

1369
01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:10.000
Yep. And listen, if he pushes back, then you already know that this guy is, you know, trying

1370
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:14.280
to do things out of order in his life. He's not ready for a relationship. He's in the

1371
01:15:14.280 --> 01:15:16.400
middle of some very complicated stuff.

1372
01:15:16.400 --> 01:15:18.200
Correct. Yes. Thank you.

1373
01:15:18.200 --> 01:15:22.520
You know, he doesn't have bandwidth for that. All right, Susan, you're up. Thank you, Rosanna,

1374
01:15:22.520 --> 01:15:26.720
for the question. And you guys, this doesn't mean, listen, not everyone who's going through

1375
01:15:26.720 --> 01:15:31.000
divorce has this guy's situation. We don't have time to talk to you all about it, but

1376
01:15:31.000 --> 01:15:41.040
Rosanna spelled it out really clearly in our, in our dating, our book club questionnaire.

1377
01:15:41.040 --> 01:15:45.680
And so this guy has a lot of drama in his life right now. He's in the middle of a custody

1378
01:15:45.680 --> 01:15:51.040
battle. Okay. And so that's not someone that you want to partner up with. That's not someone

1379
01:15:51.040 --> 01:15:54.960
you want to date. That's not, that's not, that's not the right timing for that. I know

1380
01:15:54.960 --> 01:15:59.760
he probably wants a distraction. Makes sense. I would want a distraction too, but just cause

1381
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:06.120
you want a distraction doesn't mean that, you know, you should be having one. All right.

1382
01:16:06.120 --> 01:16:12.320
And let me see. I think that I forgot to, poor Peggy. She keeps getting spotlighted

1383
01:16:12.320 --> 01:16:21.400
by me, Peggy. I got you. All right. Um, no, you're not there anymore. Okay. You're there

1384
01:16:21.400 --> 01:16:26.360
on my screen, right? Susan Bennett. Let me find you. It says you're spotlighted. Do you

1385
01:16:26.360 --> 01:16:34.400
guys see Susan? Oh, there you are. Talk. Hello there, darling. Hello darling. I always get

1386
01:16:34.400 --> 01:16:41.120
so nervous to ask you a question. I don't know why. I don't know why. Okay. So there's

1387
01:16:41.120 --> 01:16:48.640
a guy, a man who I went to elementary school with, has out of the blue started calling

1388
01:16:48.640 --> 01:16:59.120
me. And we've communicated a little bit over the years, but anyway, so he lives in Chicago.

1389
01:16:59.120 --> 01:17:06.080
His daughter was coming to Durango and he took me out on a date through his daughter

1390
01:17:06.080 --> 01:17:10.880
in Durango. And she was a lovely young lady. She's a lawyer, blah, blah, blah. He lives

1391
01:17:10.880 --> 01:17:16.520
in Chicago and he, um, and so he says, you know, when you come to Indianapolis to see

1392
01:17:16.520 --> 01:17:23.520
your daughter, who's having a baby in August, let me know. And I will, I will come down

1393
01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:34.240
and see you. And intellectually, uh, he's, he's way up here and I love it. We have great

1394
01:17:34.240 --> 01:17:41.640
conversations. And, um, but it's like, it's, it's kind of baffling to me getting, I feel

1395
01:17:41.640 --> 01:17:46.800
like I I'm always like getting the cart before the horse and I'm jumping ahead and I'm thinking

1396
01:17:46.800 --> 01:17:53.520
about how much I don't want to live in the Midwest ever again. And he's very, um, established

1397
01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:59.240
in Chicago. And so I start thinking about, oh my gosh, I don't want to move. I don't

1398
01:17:59.240 --> 01:18:06.720
want to live in the Midwest ever again in my life. And, um, but I haven't even seen

1399
01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:15.160
him in decades other than photographs and, um, Facebook. And so,

1400
01:18:15.160 --> 01:18:20.760
Okay, wait, I need, I need caught up. So you knew this guy from your past, you reconnected

1401
01:18:20.760 --> 01:18:24.240
through his daughter and you went on a date and he said, Hey, if you're ever in my neck

1402
01:18:24.240 --> 01:18:28.680
of the woods, you know, I'll come down and I'll take you out again.

1403
01:18:28.680 --> 01:18:29.680
Yes.

1404
01:18:29.680 --> 01:18:33.520
And you had a good time with him and you're attracted to him, but you just don't want

1405
01:18:33.520 --> 01:18:38.280
to live in Chicago. And he's, he's entrenched in Chicago. He's embedded and you're just

1406
01:18:38.280 --> 01:18:41.000
like, so what's the question?

1407
01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:46.560
Yeah. I'm, I'm, you know, I'm flitting about, but no, my, my, my question is no, it's not

1408
01:18:46.560 --> 01:18:55.560
that I'm attracted to him. I mean, intellectually I'm attracted to him artistically, physically,

1409
01:18:55.560 --> 01:19:08.640
not so much. And then I think, am I so vain to think that is physical that important,

1410
01:19:08.640 --> 01:19:13.680
but it kind of is based on being, I'm in the older age bracket and people aren't healthy

1411
01:19:13.680 --> 01:19:18.160
and then they die early and you don't want a guy that's not very healthy and hasn't taken

1412
01:19:18.160 --> 01:19:20.560
care of himself over the years.

1413
01:19:20.560 --> 01:19:25.920
Okay. So you're jumping ahead. Cause during these sessions, we are going to build our

1414
01:19:25.920 --> 01:19:29.000
non-negotiable lists. And I think that when you build that, we're going to answer all

1415
01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:30.000
these questions.

1416
01:19:30.000 --> 01:19:31.000
Okay.

1417
01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:33.680
We're going to build that together. Are you in the book club?

1418
01:19:33.680 --> 01:19:34.680
Yes, I am.

1419
01:19:34.680 --> 01:19:37.720
Okay. We're going to build it there. We're going to build it in depth. We'll do a little

1420
01:19:37.720 --> 01:19:43.680
brief building here. Um, but, uh, I think that, I think a lot of your questions are

1421
01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:45.560
going to be answered when we do that.

1422
01:19:45.560 --> 01:19:46.560
Okay.

1423
01:19:47.560 --> 01:19:51.040
Okay. Cause you guys, if you notice, this is what she's talking about. She's talking

1424
01:19:51.040 --> 01:19:54.920
about non-negotiables versus preferences. And a lot of you guys have things shifted

1425
01:19:54.920 --> 01:19:59.000
on those lists. You have preferences on your non-negotiable list. You have non-negotiables

1426
01:19:59.000 --> 01:20:00.000
on your preference list.

1427
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.240
And I will tell you, here is my litmus test for that.

1428
01:20:05.240 --> 01:20:06.480
Here's my litmus test for that.

1429
01:20:06.480 --> 01:20:07.480
You ready?

1430
01:20:07.480 --> 01:20:09.840
I'm just going to go ahead and give it to you.

1431
01:20:09.840 --> 01:20:10.840
I'm going to give it to you straight.

1432
01:20:10.840 --> 01:20:13.920
I'm going to give it to you right now.

1433
01:20:13.920 --> 01:20:20.320
Since we're here, we might as well do it.

1434
01:20:20.320 --> 01:20:25.600
Okay.

1435
01:20:25.600 --> 01:20:28.720
Here is the litmus test.

1436
01:20:28.720 --> 01:20:33.680
Here's a question to ask yourself about the thing, the item, the line item, whether you

1437
01:20:33.680 --> 01:20:39.560
have it currently on your non-negotiables or not.

1438
01:20:39.560 --> 01:20:42.400
Is this standard?

1439
01:20:42.400 --> 01:20:47.640
Oh, hold on.

1440
01:20:47.640 --> 01:20:50.480
This is the question.

1441
01:20:50.480 --> 01:20:53.520
Okay.

1442
01:20:53.520 --> 01:20:56.800
I use this with every private client that I coach, you guys.

1443
01:20:56.800 --> 01:21:01.040
By the way, I have two coaching slots open for coaching with me.

1444
01:21:01.040 --> 01:21:03.880
I know a lot of you write in, you're like, is Jackie one-on-one coaching?

1445
01:21:03.880 --> 01:21:04.880
No, I'm not.

1446
01:21:04.880 --> 01:21:07.240
Right now, I have two slots open.

1447
01:21:07.240 --> 01:21:10.840
I know that that makes it sound like scarcity, but I'm only one person.

1448
01:21:10.840 --> 01:21:14.920
I have a lot of stuff going on with building this community.

1449
01:21:14.920 --> 01:21:21.040
And you guys, we do have a community-based matchmaking app coming out in mid-July.

1450
01:21:21.040 --> 01:21:22.040
So hang tight in here.

1451
01:21:22.040 --> 01:21:23.880
You're going to be so glad you did.

1452
01:21:23.880 --> 01:21:25.720
It's going to have all the bells and whistles.

1453
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:29.640
Thanks to AI and thanks to all the advancements in technology that we've never been able to

1454
01:21:29.640 --> 01:21:36.880
get our hands on before in helping you not only be matchmade yourself, but also matchmake

1455
01:21:36.880 --> 01:21:37.880
each other.

1456
01:21:37.880 --> 01:21:38.880
It's just going to be incredible.

1457
01:21:38.880 --> 01:21:39.880
All right.

1458
01:21:39.880 --> 01:21:40.880
I'll talk about that later.

1459
01:21:40.880 --> 01:21:41.880
Okay.

1460
01:21:41.880 --> 01:21:42.880
Here's the question.

1461
01:21:42.880 --> 01:21:48.640
That shifts a non-negotiable to a preference or the other way.

1462
01:21:48.640 --> 01:21:51.800
This is what I ask you.

1463
01:21:51.800 --> 01:21:52.800
Imagine this person.

1464
01:21:52.800 --> 01:21:53.800
Okay.

1465
01:21:53.800 --> 01:21:55.600
So Susan, you're imagining this person right now.

1466
01:21:55.600 --> 01:21:56.600
You don't know him.

1467
01:21:56.600 --> 01:21:57.600
You do.

1468
01:21:57.600 --> 01:21:58.600
Imagine him.

1469
01:21:58.600 --> 01:21:59.600
Okay.

1470
01:21:59.600 --> 01:22:02.200
Imagine this person has everything on your non-negotiable list.

1471
01:22:02.200 --> 01:22:07.160
Every single trait, every single thing on your non-negotiable list, the things that

1472
01:22:07.160 --> 01:22:09.560
you think are non-negotiable friends.

1473
01:22:09.560 --> 01:22:14.800
They have every single one of those things, except for this one thing.

1474
01:22:14.800 --> 01:22:15.800
This one thing.

1475
01:22:15.800 --> 01:22:18.600
They don't have this one thing that's on your non-negotiable list.

1476
01:22:18.600 --> 01:22:19.600
Okay.

1477
01:22:19.600 --> 01:22:20.760
But you're attracted to them.

1478
01:22:20.760 --> 01:22:24.160
You really like them, but they're only missing this one item.

1479
01:22:24.160 --> 01:22:27.640
Would you still say yes to being with them?

1480
01:22:27.640 --> 01:22:31.400
If you would, then it's a preference.

1481
01:22:31.400 --> 01:22:35.560
And if you wouldn't, then it's a deal breaker.

1482
01:22:35.560 --> 01:22:39.840
And you have to ask yourself that question for every single thing on your non-negotiable.

1483
01:22:39.840 --> 01:22:43.640
When you build that, for those of you in the book club, we're going to do that intensively.

1484
01:22:43.640 --> 01:22:46.360
Those of you want to join the next book club, you can join the next book club and I'll do

1485
01:22:46.360 --> 01:22:48.080
that work with you intensively.

1486
01:22:48.080 --> 01:22:51.880
We'll do a little brief amount of it here in the last year single program because I want

1487
01:22:51.880 --> 01:22:52.880
you to do it.

1488
01:22:52.880 --> 01:22:57.200
But I'm going to tell you this, each thing that you think is on your non-negotiable list

1489
01:22:57.200 --> 01:23:03.680
should not have more than seven, eight things on it at the most.

1490
01:23:03.680 --> 01:23:09.780
Really it should have about five things on it, five or less.

1491
01:23:09.780 --> 01:23:13.340
But each one of those things, you have to ask yourself that question.

1492
01:23:13.340 --> 01:23:16.840
If this person had all these other things, but they just didn't have this one right here,

1493
01:23:16.840 --> 01:23:21.720
this thing, would I still want to go forward with them or would it be a deal breaker and

1494
01:23:21.720 --> 01:23:24.840
I would have to show up to the next date and say, Hey, I'm sorry, we're not compatible.

1495
01:23:24.840 --> 01:23:25.840
Hey, I'm sorry.

1496
01:23:25.840 --> 01:23:26.840
I don't see this going anywhere.

1497
01:23:26.840 --> 01:23:27.840
Hey, I'm sorry.

1498
01:23:27.840 --> 01:23:30.960
You're not the right one for me.

1499
01:23:30.960 --> 01:23:33.420
That's how you know.

1500
01:23:33.420 --> 01:23:39.840
That's how you know whether or not you're that serious and it's a non-negotiable.

1501
01:23:39.840 --> 01:23:40.840
That's how you know.

1502
01:23:40.840 --> 01:23:41.840
All right.

1503
01:23:41.840 --> 01:23:42.840
Okay.

1504
01:23:42.840 --> 01:23:49.160
It means you would not listen no matter how hot they are, no matter how attracted you

1505
01:23:49.160 --> 01:23:53.080
are, no matter how funny they are, no matter how much you like them, you still could not

1506
01:23:53.080 --> 01:23:56.960
go forward with them if they did not have that thing or if they had that thing that's

1507
01:23:56.960 --> 01:23:58.500
on your non-negotiable list.

1508
01:23:58.500 --> 01:23:59.500
That's how you know it's a real non-negotiable.

1509
01:23:59.500 --> 01:24:00.500
Feel me?

1510
01:24:00.500 --> 01:24:09.000
Do you guys realize that non-negotiable means non-negotiable?

1511
01:24:09.000 --> 01:24:10.080
It means deal breaker.

1512
01:24:10.080 --> 01:24:16.040
It means you're not negotiating on this thing.

1513
01:24:16.040 --> 01:24:17.040
It's a no.

1514
01:24:17.040 --> 01:24:18.040
It's a no.

1515
01:24:18.040 --> 01:24:20.280
It's a, I've seen all I need to see is a no.

1516
01:24:20.280 --> 01:24:21.280
It's a hard pass.

1517
01:24:21.280 --> 01:24:22.280
It's a no.

1518
01:24:22.280 --> 01:24:23.720
It doesn't mean they're a terrible person.

1519
01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:25.040
It doesn't even mean you don't like them.

1520
01:24:25.040 --> 01:24:29.040
You could really like them a lot, but you're like, no matter how much I like them, I just

1521
01:24:29.040 --> 01:24:31.400
can't go forward with this one thing.

1522
01:24:31.400 --> 01:24:32.400
Okay.

1523
01:24:32.400 --> 01:24:36.360
All right, girl, we're going to get there with you.

1524
01:24:36.360 --> 01:24:37.360
Amen.

1525
01:24:37.360 --> 01:24:39.280
You're going to be engaged by the fall.

1526
01:24:39.280 --> 01:24:40.520
That's what I know.

1527
01:24:40.520 --> 01:24:42.320
I sure hope so.

1528
01:24:42.320 --> 01:24:45.720
You're going to, and that hair is going to look gorgeous as a bride.

1529
01:24:45.720 --> 01:24:47.800
She's going to have gorgeous bride hair.

1530
01:24:48.560 --> 01:24:49.560
What are we going to do with her?

1531
01:24:49.560 --> 01:24:50.560
Okay.

1532
01:24:50.560 --> 01:24:51.560
You guys, we're over time.

1533
01:24:51.560 --> 01:24:53.920
So we're going to do a speed round.

1534
01:24:53.920 --> 01:24:55.400
I can have no backstory.

1535
01:24:55.400 --> 01:24:56.720
Please listen.

1536
01:24:56.720 --> 01:25:00.000
If you have a backstory, I'm going to cut it off because I want to answer.

1537
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.680
these four people's questions.

1538
01:25:01.680 --> 01:25:03.160
So Shelly, what's your question?

1539
01:25:03.160 --> 01:25:05.420
Straight off, what's your question?

1540
01:25:05.420 --> 01:25:09.400
How to scale up time with someone's family,

1541
01:25:09.400 --> 01:25:12.520
someone's kids that you're getting more serious with.

1542
01:25:12.520 --> 01:25:14.400
And if that's not a great question for here,

1543
01:25:14.400 --> 01:25:16.000
I can post it in the group to get more.

1544
01:25:16.000 --> 01:25:17.960
That's okay, are you in the book club though?

1545
01:25:17.960 --> 01:25:19.000
No, I'm not.

1546
01:25:19.000 --> 01:25:20.960
Okay, scaling up time.

1547
01:25:20.960 --> 01:25:23.520
First of all, it depends on how old the kids are.

1548
01:25:23.520 --> 01:25:25.140
It depends on the relationship

1549
01:25:25.140 --> 01:25:27.360
that the parent has with the children.

1550
01:25:27.360 --> 01:25:29.960
Okay, a lot of you guys are dating people

1551
01:25:30.040 --> 01:25:31.320
that have children,

1552
01:25:31.320 --> 01:25:34.320
but they don't have good relationships with their children.

1553
01:25:35.300 --> 01:25:36.140
They don't.

1554
01:25:36.140 --> 01:25:36.960
And that doesn't mean,

1555
01:25:36.960 --> 01:25:38.360
that's not necessarily a deal breaker.

1556
01:25:38.360 --> 01:25:40.040
There's parental alienation.

1557
01:25:40.040 --> 01:25:41.420
There's all different types of reasons

1558
01:25:41.420 --> 01:25:43.360
why kids are on the outs with their parents.

1559
01:25:43.360 --> 01:25:44.440
The kids are adults.

1560
01:25:44.440 --> 01:25:45.680
The kids have been poisoned.

1561
01:25:45.680 --> 01:25:47.460
The kids have just been estranged, whatever.

1562
01:25:47.460 --> 01:25:48.360
They didn't raise them

1563
01:25:48.360 --> 01:25:50.200
because there's parental alienation.

1564
01:25:50.200 --> 01:25:52.320
There's all kinds of reasons, okay?

1565
01:25:52.320 --> 01:25:54.600
So we're not gonna judge it black and white,

1566
01:25:54.600 --> 01:25:55.840
wrong or right,

1567
01:25:55.840 --> 01:25:57.720
but if they have a really good relationship

1568
01:25:57.720 --> 01:25:59.240
with their children

1569
01:25:59.240 --> 01:26:02.120
and the children are over the age of 10,

1570
01:26:02.120 --> 01:26:04.160
then I think you should meet them

1571
01:26:04.160 --> 01:26:06.320
within the time of becoming exclusive.

1572
01:26:06.320 --> 01:26:08.520
So after you're exclusive, you should meet them.

1573
01:26:08.520 --> 01:26:10.320
Yeah, so we, yeah.

1574
01:26:10.320 --> 01:26:12.740
In a very neutral environment,

1575
01:26:12.740 --> 01:26:16.160
like somewhere in public, neutral environment,

1576
01:26:16.160 --> 01:26:18.060
not something that feels too intense

1577
01:26:18.060 --> 01:26:20.440
or too formal or too scary.

1578
01:26:20.440 --> 01:26:22.040
If they're under 10,

1579
01:26:22.040 --> 01:26:24.200
then I think that you shouldn't meet them

1580
01:26:24.200 --> 01:26:27.880
unless you guys know that there's a future here.

1581
01:26:27.880 --> 01:26:30.040
Okay, yeah, she's 13

1582
01:26:30.040 --> 01:26:32.720
and I've actually been around her a few times,

1583
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:33.720
but I've been following this

1584
01:26:33.720 --> 01:26:36.680
to just do it like not super frequently.

1585
01:26:36.680 --> 01:26:39.240
He's a widower, so he has her full time.

1586
01:26:39.240 --> 01:26:40.080
Oh, okay.

1587
01:26:40.080 --> 01:26:40.900
There's no-

1588
01:26:40.900 --> 01:26:41.740
Yeah, it's a different situation.

1589
01:26:41.740 --> 01:26:42.560
Okay, yeah.

1590
01:26:42.560 --> 01:26:43.400
Yeah, so the last-

1591
01:26:43.400 --> 01:26:45.880
Do you feel like this is your guy?

1592
01:26:45.880 --> 01:26:46.760
It could be.

1593
01:26:46.760 --> 01:26:49.400
He thinks I'm his girl, I think so.

1594
01:26:49.400 --> 01:26:52.120
What do you think about this child so far?

1595
01:26:52.120 --> 01:26:53.080
How does she feel about you?

1596
01:26:53.080 --> 01:26:54.480
She's warming up to me.

1597
01:26:54.480 --> 01:26:56.640
So the first couple of times I was around her,

1598
01:26:56.640 --> 01:26:59.040
I was like, I'm not sure how I feel about this energy

1599
01:26:59.040 --> 01:27:02.560
because she just had some little sassier, more teen vibes.

1600
01:27:02.560 --> 01:27:04.360
Not to me, but just in general, but-

1601
01:27:04.360 --> 01:27:06.880
Well, she's menstruating probably and she's 13.

1602
01:27:06.880 --> 01:27:09.200
Exactly, she's, yeah, a lot going on.

1603
01:27:09.200 --> 01:27:13.300
So the last couple of times she's warming up to me.

1604
01:27:13.300 --> 01:27:14.560
She's creative, I'm creative.

1605
01:27:14.560 --> 01:27:16.920
So we have some common, a little bit of common ground.

1606
01:27:16.920 --> 01:27:17.760
So-

1607
01:27:17.760 --> 01:27:19.400
Yeah, I think that, okay,

1608
01:27:19.400 --> 01:27:21.600
so now that you've given me those details,

1609
01:27:21.600 --> 01:27:26.600
I think that you should pace your cadence with her

1610
01:27:26.720 --> 01:27:28.920
with how close you're getting to dad.

1611
01:27:28.920 --> 01:27:30.840
I don't think that you should get involved in her life.

1612
01:27:30.840 --> 01:27:32.880
She's lost her mother, her mother has passed.

1613
01:27:32.880 --> 01:27:34.120
That's very serious.

1614
01:27:34.120 --> 01:27:36.360
She's at a very formative time in her life.

1615
01:27:36.360 --> 01:27:38.960
Do not be part of her life

1616
01:27:38.960 --> 01:27:41.160
unless you really are falling in love with dad

1617
01:27:41.160 --> 01:27:43.080
and you're thinking you're going to be part of his life.

1618
01:27:43.080 --> 01:27:44.240
Okay, that's-

1619
01:27:44.240 --> 01:27:46.400
Okay, she doesn't need any more loss.

1620
01:27:46.400 --> 01:27:47.720
Yeah.

1621
01:27:47.720 --> 01:27:48.560
Cool?

1622
01:27:48.560 --> 01:27:49.560
That's great, thanks, Jackie.

1623
01:27:49.560 --> 01:27:50.400
Yeah.

1624
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:52.280
So do a lot of things with him, find out if you love him,

1625
01:27:52.280 --> 01:27:53.760
find out if you have a future together

1626
01:27:53.760 --> 01:27:56.840
and then plan your time with her accordingly.

1627
01:27:56.840 --> 01:27:58.320
Okay, great.

1628
01:27:58.320 --> 01:27:59.560
Thank you so much.

1629
01:27:59.560 --> 01:28:00.640
I'm excited for you.

1630
01:28:00.640 --> 01:28:01.480
Blessings.

1631
01:28:02.760 --> 01:28:04.800
We'll keep on checking in on you.

1632
01:28:07.640 --> 01:28:08.840
Oh, Robin's here.

1633
01:28:08.840 --> 01:28:09.840
Shelly's still here.

1634
01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:11.640
Let me get Shelly.

1635
01:28:11.640 --> 01:28:12.480
Hi, Jackie.

1636
01:28:12.480 --> 01:28:13.320
Can I go now?

1637
01:28:14.840 --> 01:28:15.880
You can go now.

1638
01:28:16.760 --> 01:28:17.800
All right.

1639
01:28:17.800 --> 01:28:21.160
My question is about how to plan, pace, organize

1640
01:28:21.160 --> 01:28:22.480
a first meeting with someone.

1641
01:28:22.480 --> 01:28:23.520
I'm talking to him.

1642
01:28:24.280 --> 01:28:26.840
He's quite keen to come see me in the next few weekends.

1643
01:28:26.840 --> 01:28:29.600
He's five hours away, but I've never done that,

1644
01:28:29.600 --> 01:28:30.960
like the long distance thing.

1645
01:28:30.960 --> 01:28:33.720
He's probably going to come for about 24 to 36 hours

1646
01:28:33.720 --> 01:28:35.640
because he does have to get back

1647
01:28:35.640 --> 01:28:37.280
probably maybe for Father's Day.

1648
01:28:38.640 --> 01:28:39.960
Okay, well, here's what you're going to find out

1649
01:28:39.960 --> 01:28:40.800
really quickly.

1650
01:28:40.800 --> 01:28:42.720
He's willing to come to you five hours.

1651
01:28:42.720 --> 01:28:45.040
It's not a long way, but it's a long way.

1652
01:28:45.040 --> 01:28:46.560
And so when you guys get together,

1653
01:28:46.560 --> 01:28:49.120
is this the first time you're going to be meeting in person?

1654
01:28:49.120 --> 01:28:49.960
Yes.

1655
01:28:49.960 --> 01:28:53.000
Yeah, we've had two phone calls, but yeah.

1656
01:28:53.000 --> 01:28:54.560
I love it that after two phone calls,

1657
01:28:54.560 --> 01:28:56.080
he's willing to come see you in person.

1658
01:28:56.080 --> 01:28:57.680
That's a man who's motivated.

1659
01:28:57.680 --> 01:29:00.600
And long distance, you need a motivated man.

1660
01:29:00.600 --> 01:29:03.160
Ladies, listen, you need a motivated man for long distance

1661
01:29:03.160 --> 01:29:04.800
because long distance is hard.

1662
01:29:04.800 --> 01:29:07.000
Okay, you guys both have to be in it to win it,

1663
01:29:07.000 --> 01:29:09.240
but we really can't give a lot of advice

1664
01:29:09.240 --> 01:29:11.120
until we see what kind of energy

1665
01:29:11.120 --> 01:29:13.800
you guys have together in person.

1666
01:29:13.800 --> 01:29:15.640
So I don't think you should judge

1667
01:29:15.640 --> 01:29:17.280
whether or not you're willing to do long distance

1668
01:29:17.280 --> 01:29:18.880
or you're capable of doing long distance

1669
01:29:18.880 --> 01:29:20.880
until you get with him and you see how much

1670
01:29:20.880 --> 01:29:23.200
you like each other or not like each other.

1671
01:29:23.200 --> 01:29:24.640
I guess it wasn't clear my question.

1672
01:29:24.640 --> 01:29:26.040
I meant in terms of pacing it,

1673
01:29:26.040 --> 01:29:27.640
like if he comes in the evening

1674
01:29:27.640 --> 01:29:30.560
or should we do like a couple of dates and break it apart

1675
01:29:30.560 --> 01:29:33.320
or like more about how to like organize it,

1676
01:29:33.320 --> 01:29:34.160
like a general comment.

1677
01:29:34.160 --> 01:29:35.000
Where is he staying at?

1678
01:29:35.000 --> 01:29:36.560
Is he staying at a hotel, an Airbnb?

1679
01:29:36.560 --> 01:29:37.480
Where is he staying?

1680
01:29:37.480 --> 01:29:39.640
He said he'll probably get an Airbnb

1681
01:29:39.640 --> 01:29:40.880
because he's going to bring down his dog.

1682
01:29:40.880 --> 01:29:42.280
We have like many things in common.

1683
01:29:42.280 --> 01:29:44.960
We both have dogs, work in the same field.

1684
01:29:44.960 --> 01:29:45.800
Yeah.

1685
01:29:45.800 --> 01:29:46.720
Okay.

1686
01:29:46.720 --> 01:29:48.600
Yeah, I mean, you guys, here's the thing.

1687
01:29:48.600 --> 01:29:50.720
Even when people come to visit you,

1688
01:29:51.720 --> 01:29:53.920
don't do marathon dates.

1689
01:29:53.920 --> 01:29:54.760
Okay.

1690
01:29:54.760 --> 01:29:57.040
Break it up, go home, take a nap, feed your dog,

1691
01:29:57.040 --> 01:29:59.200
you know, have a little downtime.

1692
01:29:59.200 --> 01:30:00.400
He's going to want some.

1693
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.720
Downtime as well. You don't have to feel like you have to spend 12-14 hours straight with someone, right?

1694
01:30:05.720 --> 01:30:11.840
Okay. Yeah, so plan it. It's your city. He's coming to so I believe it's your responsibility to plan

1695
01:30:11.840 --> 01:30:13.160
He's coming to visit you

1696
01:30:13.160 --> 01:30:18.640
So plan some fun things for you guys to do some stuff to do with your dog and give some downtime give him some time

1697
01:30:18.640 --> 01:30:20.640
To regroup to think about it

1698
01:30:20.720 --> 01:30:26.440
even if it's just a couple hours in between going on a hike with the dogs till dinner a couple hours of

1699
01:30:26.520 --> 01:30:30.720
Downtime where he gets to go back to the Airbnb freshen up rest relax take a nap

1700
01:30:30.720 --> 01:30:36.360
And then you guys are gonna go to dinner. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, that's good. Thank you. All right. We're excited

1701
01:30:36.360 --> 01:30:38.360
Please keep us posted

1702
01:30:40.280 --> 01:30:42.440
Love it. Love it. Okay

1703
01:30:42.440 --> 01:30:44.440
You

1704
01:30:55.360 --> 01:30:57.360
Sorry guys, I'm all over the place

1705
01:30:59.080 --> 01:31:01.080
All right

1706
01:31:01.760 --> 01:31:07.220
Lynn I'm coming for you. Okay. All right, Lynn. Go ahead. What's your question? We have more after this?

1707
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:09.560
really quickly

1708
01:31:09.560 --> 01:31:15.760
You helped me when I was at the 60-day marker with Terry and you you basically said it's a yes until it's a no

1709
01:31:16.080 --> 01:31:19.320
now we're at the 90-day marker and through my

1710
01:31:20.280 --> 01:31:26.640
Lots of stuff my Advisory Council agrees. It's a no. I'm struggling with how to tell him

1711
01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:29.480
because he's like all in and

1712
01:31:30.160 --> 01:31:36.680
What's the deal breaker? What happened? What's the deal breaker? Tell us the deal breaker real quick too much to tell he's basically

1713
01:31:37.680 --> 01:31:42.100
He's he needs hard healing and I'm just not gonna I can't fix them

1714
01:31:43.200 --> 01:31:45.880
You want something further along in their healing?

1715
01:31:46.880 --> 01:31:51.400
And you know, that's what you need to tell him. You need to say listen, you know, just be honest with him

1716
01:31:51.400 --> 01:31:53.400
Say listen, I care about you

1717
01:31:53.560 --> 01:32:00.640
But I've just done too much work and I've come too far and I just you know, I think you're a great man

1718
01:32:00.640 --> 01:32:02.240
I just think that

1719
01:32:02.240 --> 01:32:08.680
The the level of work that you've done, you know towards being in relationship is not gonna be compatible

1720
01:32:08.680 --> 01:32:15.360
I think that you know, I think that you need to you know, and I think you need to do some more work

1721
01:32:15.360 --> 01:32:18.280
And you know and if he here's the thing, you know

1722
01:32:18.280 --> 01:32:24.440
if someone gets prideful and arrogant you guys which they might because they might be really wounded and feel rejected and they might lash out and

1723
01:32:24.440 --> 01:32:29.840
If that happens, then you know kind of proves your point, right? And if it doesn't happen

1724
01:32:30.040 --> 01:32:35.760
Here's where you might get real messed up Lin is if he takes it with a grain of salt if he's real humble about it

1725
01:32:35.760 --> 01:32:38.840
He's like, yeah, I do need to do more work, you know, will you wait for me?

1726
01:32:38.840 --> 01:32:40.320
You know, what if I go do it?

1727
01:32:40.320 --> 01:32:44.000
You know, it's very it's very possible that he could take that

1728
01:32:44.480 --> 01:32:51.600
Low road humble road type of response and then you have to decide what you're gonna do if that happens. So that did happen

1729
01:32:52.960 --> 01:32:57.520
Something happened on Sunday. He apologized to me and that was his words to me

1730
01:32:58.520 --> 01:33:03.320
Can you I know that I need a lot of work I he even I even

1731
01:33:04.080 --> 01:33:08.960
Asked him to get be a part of the last year single and he did do that when you had the hundred dollars off

1732
01:33:08.960 --> 01:33:13.160
But he hasn't really even done anything with it. So you're but he was like don't give up on me

1733
01:33:13.480 --> 01:33:15.720
He's like don't give up on me Lin, you know

1734
01:33:15.720 --> 01:33:20.880
I want you to be able to walk walk me with me through it and not just be done with me

1735
01:33:22.000 --> 01:33:24.080
Okay. Yeah, don't be done with me

1736
01:33:24.080 --> 01:33:27.460
I want you to walk with me and I want you to hold my hand through but you said you're not

1737
01:33:27.520 --> 01:33:29.520
You're not willing to do that

1738
01:33:29.720 --> 01:33:36.480
He's now he's way too passive-aggressive like even less. He just says things under his breath like I just

1739
01:33:37.240 --> 01:33:40.360
Yeah, yeah, you don't need to be walking through a minefield

1740
01:33:41.000 --> 01:33:45.600
No, and I'm now it's to the point where I'm I don't even enjoy being with him

1741
01:33:46.160 --> 01:33:51.680
I just that that that's your answer. That's really all you need to know your nervous system is activated

1742
01:33:51.840 --> 01:33:54.800
You know, you're not at peace and you just need to let him know

1743
01:33:54.800 --> 01:34:00.320
Hey, you know, you're you're not a you're not a terrible man. Okay, but you're not the man for me and

1744
01:34:01.240 --> 01:34:03.640
And you need to be very specific

1745
01:34:04.520 --> 01:34:06.880
You know, you need to be very decisive

1746
01:34:07.320 --> 01:34:11.080
And because he's used to you like giving him another chance another chance another chance

1747
01:34:11.480 --> 01:34:14.200
So clean breaks if you heal the fastest you need to say hey

1748
01:34:14.200 --> 01:34:18.000
This is the end of this for us and you can point him towards our program

1749
01:34:18.000 --> 01:34:21.200
But make sure he knows that if he comes here, it's not to get back with you

1750
01:34:21.480 --> 01:34:25.720
Sound good. I'm sorry, babe, but guess what the one before the one is a real thing

1751
01:34:26.560 --> 01:34:28.560
Like Bethany said this was great practice

1752
01:34:29.200 --> 01:34:33.680
Yes, I love it. I love it. I love it. Okay, Bethany. She's a wise one

1753
01:34:33.680 --> 01:34:38.800
Okay. All right, and last but not least never least Kathy. What's your question?

1754
01:34:43.880 --> 01:34:49.280
All right, I'm on hi, hi, okay. Okay quick question. What's your question?

1755
01:34:49.680 --> 01:34:51.680
Okay quick question

1756
01:34:51.720 --> 01:34:57.400
I've just come recently back to Canada and I have more dating apps available. I'm on arc. I really like arc

1757
01:34:58.560 --> 01:35:00.560
But you mentioned we should

1758
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.000
have two. So what other one do you recommend? I've been on a

1759
01:35:03.000 --> 01:35:07.520
harmony. And are you are you are you in the book club? No, I

1760
01:35:07.520 --> 01:35:11.760
don't know what the book club. Oh, what happened is I was in

1761
01:35:11.760 --> 01:35:15.240
your program for phase one and two. Then I took a break because

1762
01:35:15.240 --> 01:35:19.040
I had a court case in Panama that absorbed all my time. And

1763
01:35:19.040 --> 01:35:23.120
now that's over and I'm back in. Okay, you guys, she likes arc

1764
01:35:23.120 --> 01:35:26.640
said no one ever. So we're happy that she does. And it's amazing.

1765
01:35:26.920 --> 01:35:30.200
And you know, we have at least one success story from arc. So

1766
01:35:30.240 --> 01:35:32.560
just proves my point that when you're ready, and you've done

1767
01:35:32.560 --> 01:35:36.240
the work, you can meet someone anywhere. Okay, so she likes arc.

1768
01:35:36.320 --> 01:35:40.520
Can you see how old are you? Kathy? I'm really old. I'm

1769
01:35:40.520 --> 01:35:46.720
ancient. I'm 69. You're not ancient. Okay. So everyone who

1770
01:35:46.720 --> 01:35:51.760
is in her in her ballpark, so 60 and up, put in the comments

1771
01:35:51.760 --> 01:35:55.720
your favorite app for older singles. I have some I have

1772
01:35:55.720 --> 01:35:58.040
some, but I want you guys to be the village be the village right

1773
01:35:58.040 --> 01:36:02.240
now. And tell her where you have met some quality people. I love

1774
01:36:02.240 --> 01:36:04.520
Facebook dating. Kathy, if you know how to do it, it's one of

1775
01:36:04.520 --> 01:36:07.240
my favorites. It shows you friends of friends. And I think

1776
01:36:07.240 --> 01:36:09.360
it's a really great place to be a lot of people are putting up

1777
01:36:09.520 --> 01:36:10.520
Facebook dating.

1778
01:36:10.960 --> 01:36:14.760
Well, maybe in the US, it's better. I tried it from Panama

1779
01:36:14.760 --> 01:36:19.480
and and then I tried another one Ruth and Boaz.

1780
01:36:20.440 --> 01:36:25.160
And not Ruth and Boaz. There's a bunch of 80 year old 80 year old

1781
01:36:25.160 --> 01:36:27.720
men on there dating 40 year old women. Is that what we got with

1782
01:36:27.720 --> 01:36:29.600
Ruth and Boaz? Dear Jesus. Okay.

1783
01:36:29.840 --> 01:36:34.200
No, there was just mostly just, I'm not racist. My first

1784
01:36:34.200 --> 01:36:37.800
marriage was interracial. But I just for me, it's it's not a go.

1785
01:36:38.240 --> 01:36:42.000
I did the thing and we just have so much cultural things not in

1786
01:36:42.000 --> 01:36:43.640
common. So for me, it's just not

1787
01:36:43.680 --> 01:36:46.120
you guys have to be really careful with some of these hokey

1788
01:36:46.120 --> 01:36:48.560
Christian apps. A lot of them are really religious and a lot

1789
01:36:48.560 --> 01:36:52.120
of them are a lot of foreign people. Okay, especially things

1790
01:36:52.120 --> 01:36:55.080
that are called things like Ruth and Boaz. All right. So just

1791
01:36:55.080 --> 01:36:57.920
be careful with that kind of stuff. Okay, someone's

1792
01:36:57.920 --> 01:37:01.040
recommending upward. I haven't tried upwards a good one. That's

1793
01:37:01.040 --> 01:37:03.640
where my daughter met her husband. It is a Christian app.

1794
01:37:03.640 --> 01:37:07.000
I don't know if the if there are people in your age bracket

1795
01:37:07.000 --> 01:37:10.880
there. But you can check it out where she's in Panama, you guys.

1796
01:37:10.880 --> 01:37:14.560
So no, I'm not in Panama. Now. I'm in Canada now. So what

1797
01:37:14.560 --> 01:37:20.000
happened is I signed up. Yes, I signed up to arc and and then I

1798
01:37:20.000 --> 01:37:22.280
couldn't get on when I was in Panama wasn't available in

1799
01:37:22.280 --> 01:37:25.840
Panama. So now I've come to Canada. And I find there's lots

1800
01:37:25.880 --> 01:37:30.400
much much more Christian guys on art than there ever were on e

1801
01:37:30.400 --> 01:37:31.040
harmony.

1802
01:37:31.880 --> 01:37:35.800
Okay, so people are recommending for Canada all the Canadians

1803
01:37:35.800 --> 01:37:41.720
please weigh in Facebook dating and use arc obviously and

1804
01:37:41.720 --> 01:37:44.880
Facebook dating. Those are the ones. So maybe let's try

1805
01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:46.000
Facebook dating again.

1806
01:37:46.480 --> 01:37:48.080
Okay, somebody said hinge.

1807
01:37:49.080 --> 01:37:53.400
I guess hinge. I find hinge to be much younger, but okay, you

1808
01:37:53.400 --> 01:37:56.200
could try. You can always try. Listen, if you don't see

1809
01:37:56.200 --> 01:37:59.160
anything interesting there, you don't got to do it. Okay, guys,

1810
01:37:59.160 --> 01:38:01.280
we're going to talk a little bit about how much time you should

1811
01:38:01.280 --> 01:38:03.440
be spending on these dating apps and what your strategy should

1812
01:38:03.440 --> 01:38:06.120
be. You should never be on a stress. You should never be on a

1813
01:38:06.120 --> 01:38:09.200
dating app without a strategy. Okay, it's going to burn you out

1814
01:38:09.200 --> 01:38:12.560
really quickly. And I'm going to tell you why next week on

1815
01:38:12.560 --> 01:38:15.040
Thursday, who's going to come next week, who's going to be

1816
01:38:15.040 --> 01:38:20.000
here in person? Who is giving me there? Come on, put your

1817
01:38:20.040 --> 01:38:26.040
avatar hand up who's going to be back who's enjoyed this. Come

1818
01:38:26.040 --> 01:38:28.240
on flattery will get you everywhere. If you enjoy my

1819
01:38:28.240 --> 01:38:30.480
coaching if you want to hear from me more.

1820
01:38:31.400 --> 01:38:34.280
Can you explain a little more what you mean by strategy? Can

1821
01:38:34.280 --> 01:38:36.480
you explain a little more what you mean by strategy or is that

1822
01:38:36.480 --> 01:38:37.120
next Thursday?

1823
01:38:37.120 --> 01:38:39.480
Choosing your dating apps, you're choosing the ones that

1824
01:38:39.480 --> 01:38:42.280
you're going to have, you know, the most success with based on

1825
01:38:42.440 --> 01:38:45.520
demographics based on age based on G, you know, geography of

1826
01:38:45.520 --> 01:38:48.120
where you live. And then you're going to spend a specific amount

1827
01:38:48.120 --> 01:38:50.040
of time on them. And this is what you're going to do when

1828
01:38:50.040 --> 01:38:53.000
you're there. The criteria that you're going to use to swipe is

1829
01:38:53.000 --> 01:38:55.440
going to be the non negotiable list that we make. And you guys

1830
01:38:55.440 --> 01:38:57.680
are not going to run the scarcity script. So you're not

1831
01:38:57.680 --> 01:38:59.400
going to be worried about missing out. There's going to be

1832
01:38:59.400 --> 01:39:04.560
no FOMO. Okay? YOLO is not real. You only live once. No, you live

1833
01:39:04.560 --> 01:39:07.320
every day, you only die once. Okay, so there's not going to be

1834
01:39:07.320 --> 01:39:10.920
any FOMO. And you're going to make sure that you are swiping

1835
01:39:10.920 --> 01:39:14.400
on people based on your preset criteria that I'm going to give

1836
01:39:14.400 --> 01:39:17.160
you the template for, and nothing else, which means if

1837
01:39:17.160 --> 01:39:20.000
they don't fit that criteria, they're not going to magically

1838
01:39:20.000 --> 01:39:23.160
fit it later. And so we're not going to bother with them. We're

1839
01:39:23.160 --> 01:39:25.560
not going to waste any more time, especially if you're going

1840
01:39:25.560 --> 01:39:28.760
to be on the apps, no more wasted time on the apps. Okay.

1841
01:39:29.720 --> 01:39:32.320
In fact, some of these apps, there was one called our time,

1842
01:39:32.320 --> 01:39:35.800
and it should just be called waste of time. And so we don't

1843
01:39:35.800 --> 01:39:38.200
want that. And we're not going to do it anymore. All right,

1844
01:39:38.240 --> 01:39:41.880
Kathy, thank you for joining us. We're going to talk more about

1845
01:39:41.880 --> 01:39:44.800
so many things, guys, and it's going to be incredible next

1846
01:39:44.800 --> 01:39:47.760
week. I love you so much. I'm rooting for you. I'm in your

1847
01:39:47.760 --> 01:39:50.080
corner. And guess what? It's going to be your summer of love.

1848
01:39:50.320 --> 01:39:52.520
Father, I thank you for all of these singles. I thank you for

1849
01:39:52.520 --> 01:39:54.640
your single sons and daughters and for your love and your

1850
01:39:54.640 --> 01:39:57.600
goodness in their lives. We thank you for the plans and the

1851
01:39:57.600 --> 01:40:00.120
purposes that you have for them. And some of those plans

1852
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.300
Purposes require a partner Lord and so we thank you for partnership and we thank you God that this is the season for them to go

1853
01:40:06.300 --> 01:40:08.300
forward especially those that

1854
01:40:08.620 --> 01:40:12.660
Have been doing the work and they have been you know looking to

1855
01:40:14.160 --> 01:40:16.060
Coaching and looking to

1856
01:40:16.060 --> 01:40:20.500
Taking a look in inventorying what they are doing and what they're not doing and all the things God

1857
01:40:20.500 --> 01:40:25.380
They've done their best and now you have to do the rest. And so Lord, we're thanking you for summers of love

1858
01:40:25.380 --> 01:40:30.420
We're thanking you for divine appointments. We're thanking you for community-based matchmaking and we're thanking you for

1859
01:40:31.020 --> 01:40:38.300
Marriages that are matched in heaven and kingdom alliances in Jesus name. Amen. All right friends. I'll see you soon. Bye. Bye