All right, it's June 8th already, men's heart check-in, Mike leading, David Dorman praying
for you, we love you, and we feel better.
And here with the guys, only a couple, it's going to be kind of fun, we're going to do
the Ask Mike segment, because, I don't know, we'll figure something out, but, you guys,
Oh, hey, we've got people coming on, hey, anybody have any, please, please tell me somebody
has some wins, because I could use some good news from people, you know, I would like,
Jesse, it's good to see you, Dan, or questions, like, hey, anything you guys want to explore,
I mean, I have a couple things, but I really would like interaction with you guys, and
to do what you want to do, and talk about what you want to talk about, I'm all for that.
Tim, you there?
Hello.
All right, Jesse, how are you doing?
I'm doing well, how are you?
I'm good, a little tired, but good, happy Monday.
Yeah.
What's new with you?
I mean, I don't know, not a whole lot, I've been busy, on Mondays, I've been coaching
my son's flag football game, so that's why I haven't been around, but that just ended this
on Saturday, on Friday night, so, yeah, I'll hopefully be back on more often, so.
You're rolling in a sick beard, dude, I can't do beards like that, like, I just,
like, I just wanted to give you props, like, you know, like.
Thanks, thanks, yeah, and I think there's, like, an event this weekend in New Jersey with,
with Jackie and David, I think, that's what I have on my calendar.
Do you know anything about that?
Yeah, yeah, it was coming up in June, but I totally forgot what date it was, it's the same.
I think it's just Saturday.
It's the same church area, the same meeting place that they came to in March of last year,
they came to Westview.
Yeah, I was there last year, that's when I first met them.
That's exciting, yeah, I'm not fully sure, I have been out of pocket, I've been in Redding
all weekend, and I've been spending a lot of time, so I haven't, that's why I haven't been
on calls, well, that, and I don't, I really don't want anybody hitting me up on messages.
I guess I could come in as in Chico Montoya and no, like, no camera, but, like, you know,
I had some, I had somebody find me, and I'm like, no, I'm not dating long distance,
and I don't want to crush your heart.
Just put iPhone in the bottom corner.
Yeah, Chico Montoya is so much more fun.
All right, so cool, Jesse, I'm glad that you're coaching, I mean, obviously being a dad is,
like, number one, right?
And Tim, Tim is looking, like, very amazing, like, bro, I love your, you know, how are
you, how are you doing, Mr. Tim?
Oh, you're muted.
All right, you got your studs, dude, I'm like, man, watch out, ladies.
I mean, I wish I could rock a beard like that, man, I'm like, it gets too bad, and I'm trimming
it.
I wish I could unmute for people.
Tim's on, Tim's mutinous right now, he's in mutiny, because he's not, anyways, I just
played, I just, but Mr. Dan, you around, anybody?
So I have something I wanted to run through, but I just want to defer to what you guys
would prefer.
Anybody dating, anybody, anyone want some, where's Andy?
I hope Andy's okay.
Lord Jesus, I just pray you be with Andy.
Amen.
So nothing, guys?
Want to talk, we could talk about.
I mean, I can, I can talk a little bit about, like, what I'm doing this season.
I just really, I did meet a, I did meet a girl that I was really intrigued by the, like,
back in, in May.
What intrigued you about her?
Well, I actually, I met her, like, a year ago, when I first, like, started doing this,
first got on the apps.
Yeah.
I met her through Upword.
Okay, yeah.
And she, we chatted a little bit, and then she's like, you know, I actually met someone
that I want to pursue, so I'm going to get off.
But then she recommended the Holi app.
Prior to, and so, anyhow, that was that.
April I was gonna get off the apps and I had like a couple more days left in my
paid subscription to that holy app and then and then I was gonna get off
anyhow I met her I ran into her on that like two days before before I was
getting off and so it was cool to see her again and anyhow it turns out like
she's like a path like she was a pop she was a pastor's wife they planted a
church together mm-hmm and so like we really hit it off well because it's like
we both have like we're both on similar depths in our walk with the Lord and
stuff like that and ministries on my heart and anyhow so and she's really
pretty girl and yeah fun girl and she has raccoons she has a peck which is
funny which is which is a unique anyhow but all I have to say is prior to even
meeting her I felt like the Lord was just like inviting me into a season of
just like me and him and just really locking in on that and so like I kind of
was talking to her about that even when we first met and I and just for the next
couple of weeks like we were talking but I was like yeah anyway through May I'm
just like I need to I just need to do this like I it was great meeting you but
I need something to sign off for now on every thing so I'm just really like
focusing on my relationship with the Lord like I feel like there he just has
invited me to like know him in a deeper way and just trying to take advantage of
the season for what it is like I lost my wife and so I did not ask for this to be
single but there's there's a verse in 1st Corinthians 7 that says he's
talking to married couples he said don't deprive yourselves of one another except
for by agreement for a time for a season so that you might pray you might devote
yourselves to prayer and I just feel like the Lord is just has invited me
into that like just just go deep in the season and you know he really made it
clear to me last summer there's a verse in Proverbs says house and wealth are
from fathers but a prudent wife is from the Lord and just in different ways like
he just really like encouraged me that like he is going to be very involved in
me and bringing a woman to me and like in me finding that my wife and not not
to like understand what my part is and also what his part is and that's a
balance the very next verse is like the very next verse in Proverbs verse 15 is
like talking about being lazy and not being lazy so like you know you don't
wait there's a way than the Lord isn't sitting on your butt right I mean I
think I don't know if you guys know that but like when those who went on the
Lord it's an active dealing with him interacting with him being part of the
process right so sorry I just wanted to bring that caveat so yeah it's like
you're waiting on the Lord with the Lord yeah yeah so my tentative deadline is
like my gold time is kind of an odd date but July 5th is kind of what was in my
mind so yeah right the day after yeah you know but like that was that was the
weekend where my divorce was final oh wow which was interesting was um the day
but the week right before the 4th of July sorry so I remember what it was
cuz I was like oh lord you're bringing me to freedom like even though I never
wanted to be free like you're so good to me yeah well and finish something
real quick Mike oh yeah yeah absolutely I just want to say and I don't know if
she had been like in I never met her in person we facetimed and stuff super
pretty girl like I love her personality there's just a lot to like about her the
only the only thing I would say is like she's a little taller than I would
prefer but I mean I'm still taller than her but like it's like an inch difference
and I I don't know my wife was 5'3 I'm 5'8 so so my ex was 5'3 and I actually
realized I like tall ladies that was one of the things I'm going on dates I was
like there was a five-footer and I'm like I don't I didn't realize that was
gonna be a problem for me cuz I'm yeah
I mean, and it wasn't a reason why I excluded it,
but I think it is, I just want to say it is valid.
And, but it's also what you're used to.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
I just found that somebody too short,
you really can't hold hands super well.
All right, yeah, sure.
So no, and you know, Jesse, I think it's,
you guys, it's the Lord that brings the wife.
Well, and let me rephrase it.
The enemy can bring you one too.
But on here we,
The Lord that brings the prudent wife.
And I like to say the father fashioned wife,
the father fashioned.
Yeah, the rib, the bone of your bones.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
The right fit.
And so my friend, you know, and Jesse,
one of my friends is like, Mike,
I think you should give up,
get off the apps for a 90 days.
And, and she said it like four times and she,
and this is somebody who I trust.
Like she's in my inner circle
and I could feel the Lord saying,
and then I went to reading this weekend
and it was like, yeah.
But you know, I,
sorry, I'm just testing.
I don't want to release something that's,
but there's a point to getting your house in order
spiritually, physically, getting arrested,
walking in.
So you're, you're the fullness of you, right?
And, and not that I hate doing conditional things
because God can bring anybody at any given time,
but it would make more sense to me that when you're,
you're, when you're refreshed
and you can actually be fully you
and you can fully engage is when I'll bring somebody.
And I know that it's not a law you guys,
but like, but he's a good dad.
And if my son was my son right now,
I'm praying that nobody comes into his life
because he's a fricking train wreck right now.
He can't handle himself, right?
Yeah.
And so, but like, and,
and I'm not saying like,
I just say like, you know,
I was like, well, I don't,
I don't want to do another 90 day fast.
I don't want to get off the apps.
I actually had, I had paid,
you know, I still have subscriptions on them.
Right. And I just can't, so I closed them.
But I might learn, I'll trust you.
I know my friend, he'll hear from him
and then running, I was sitting there
and this dude, it was tested.
Cause one of those guys in writing,
one of my friends in writing, he's like,
Hey, there's a couple of single ladies over there.
I want to say, you want to sit with them.
And I'm like, no, I'm, I'm fasting.
I'm, I'm taking some time out, but I know, you know,
you guys, I guess I'm probably,
I'm really good at forgiving.
So I say I have a PhD in forgiveness.
I also have a PhD in surrendering, you know, like,
like Abraham or Abraham at that time.
Yeah. Abraham takes Isaac up the thing.
That was his promise.
That was his thing.
And he laid it down and there was a ram
in the thicket and God provided.
You guys don't be afraid to lay things down
because God's in the business of leaving things
in thickets and providing, you know,
but you get you to where you need to be,
where he wants you to be and, and let him align it.
So did I want to wait 90 days?
I didn't want to wait 90 seconds, right?
Right. I've been writing
and there's two attractive ladies and I'm saying no
because I gave the Lord, you know, I tested it by the way.
I did, I do have to say, I wasn't, I was like,
what am I allowed?
And he's like, no, I'm like, dang it.
I was like, hope it, you know, but like,
that's just, that's my personality.
I'm always like, but are we there yet?
And so I guess that kind of segues
into what I was on my heart tonight to talk about.
Like, you know, I'm all about preemptive things
and like getting yourself and your house in order
so that when you bring somebody into it,
it's just, it's easier and you can enjoy
and you can rejoice and you can have fun
and you don't have to work through as many details.
And one of the things is, and I have to say like,
and even saying this, it gives me the willies
or just kind of this, I feel like this, this weight,
it's like being a spiritual leader.
Does that like, is there any fear
and like trembling in that for you guys?
I mean, for me, I like, I'm like, man,
I have a hard enough time leading myself.
How am I gonna lead somebody else?
Is it, and I guess, have any of you guys, does that,
I wanna talk about that and some skills
and things you can do now that will help later,
but do any of you guys struggle with that thought?
Or is it just me?
It could just be me and that's perfectly fine.
Thanks.
What I really liked about what you said about that, Gal, is you were talking about, here
we are spiritually, we're like parallel, right?
If you're a little this, that's okay.
But if you're like this, that's kind of...
Yeah, that was really like a big thing, just to show, God was showing me like, look, there
are women out there that you're attracted to that do have that, you know?
Which encourages me, because you feel like you're looking for a needle in a haystack,
right?
But here's the thing, you guys, like Renee's on here, right?
Renee's got like, I think she's getting a PhD, isn't she?
She's very on it.
She's very educated.
She's really spiritually minded.
She's got...
I mean, she's basically a pastor, right?
I don't know where he's at, who she married, where he's at.
But here's the thing, being a spiritual leader does not mean that you know more than your
wife.
It means you know how to lead spiritually, right?
I think because so many people are like, well, they're so much better, they're more intuitive,
they're always at church.
I'm never at church.
Church kind of sucks for me, because I'm a man.
And church doesn't really like, speak to men.
Because one of the problems with church is, it doesn't get to the core of the adventure
that God has for men, right?
You know, like, it's more milquetoast, but like, Jesus, Jesus, turn the table.
I mean, like, can you imagine going up to a mob boss and throwing their table over?
One of my mentors challenged me years ago to be a spiritual leader, which I thought
was crazy.
Sorry, I'm looking.
Since I was insecure and still growing in my faith, fast forward six years later, I
lead a...
See?
There you go.
Like, like, damn, like, that's amazing.
Like, so if you're doing something now, like, okay, you know what?
Super easy thing, if you're like, stressing it, Jesus Calling, devotional.
Do it together.
You're on the same page, you get to discuss it.
You know, Proverbs of the day, right?
You know, there's 31 chapters of Proverbs.
Read the Proverbs for the day.
I do that.
I love, that's one of my favorite things to do.
Because Proverbs is just so full of wisdom, right?
Psalms, but like, chicks dig Psalms, so should we.
I struggle with the Psalms sometimes.
I'm not a super flowery guy.
I mean, I appreciate David when he's like lashing out and like, but yeah, no, Dan, that's
amazing.
Like, lead a small group.
That's, you know, chicks dig leaders.
That's what they will, that's what they're looking for, is they want you to be leading.
So they're like, okay, can he protect me?
Is he a leader?
So yeah, Dan, that's pretty stubbly, dude.
It's amazing.
You want to say something?
I mean, I haven't, I mean, I hear people tell me that all the time, like, I'm still here.
It's like, nobody's, I'm not drawing anybody.
So what if I'm missing something?
Or that's a misleading statement.
I don't know.
So, okay.
Let me, let me, let me, let me reframe it.
Let me, let me.
Being that way, being strong attracts the right ladies.
Like you like, well, you know, like Jesse, we're like, we're looking for a certain bandwidth,
like a certain place or something that is compatible, right?
So anybody who is not compatible, it's not going to be attracted to that.
But somebody who sees that is going to be like, wow, that dude's a man.
That's the man.
That's somebody who can leave my family.
That's somebody who can have my kids.
That's somebody who I want my training up my kids.
Does that make sense?
Whether they're doing it, like they're doing it, the process is going on.
Can he protect me?
Can he, you know, will he be able to be a good father to my children?
Will he provide?
Those are all things that are running safety, like emotional, physical, it's like, those
are things that women are looking for.
Now, now being there's good guys and there's nice guys, right?
Being a you want to be a good guy, somebody who's solid, that's not a pushover.
Somebody who has boundaries who, which they seem to test all the freaking time.
It's annoying as hell, but like I, but one of the things reason why women push are like,
are you capable of handling?
blaming. Right? And when you're like, oh, I'll give you whatever. I worship the ground
you walk on. They're like, no, I'm not looking for a worshiper. I'm looking for somebody
who actually say, hey, cut it out. And I struggle with this because coming from a people pleasing
background, I was trying to make everybody happy. And, you know, and so, um, sorry, guys,
I'm a little all over the place, but it just, but like being a leader, um, passive men are
not attractive. I mean, I, I hear women like, I'd rather be single than have a passive dude.
You know, I'm like, you know, I'd rather not have kids. And I'm like, dang, that's, that's
insane. But like, um, you know, um, emotional. Okay. So, I mean, I, I've shared this story
several times and I shared again because like, um, we want sexual connection. That's our,
that's our wiring or like, Hey, and I'm like, okay, you guys want that? Well, they need
emotional connection. So if you're not in touch now, when I say in touch with your emotions,
like I'm not, not over, not overtaken by them, but I had to get a stupid emotional wheel.
I mean, like I, it was actually a great tool, but like, it was annoying to me to be like,
what am I feeling? And I had to grab it. I felt so dumb looking at a piece of paper going,
um, feeling that, yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now. And I did that and I did the reps
on that. And now I can actually understand myself and connect emotionally because I can,
I, in my childhood, it was broken, but I've recreated it. So now I can actually be emotionally
available and know what I'm feeling. Does that make sense? So that's something that
you could work on in this season. So that way, and that's also attractive. That's the
other thing is like, is he emotionally available or, uh, or is he able to connect emotionally?
Like we want to connect. I mean, like men's like physically is our number one thing. Theirs
is more, um, emotional. So this is a, does that make sense? You guys, is there any questions
we want to like spiritual leadership is start leading stuff. Now you don't have to like
Dan, that's amazing that you're leading a Bible study. Dude, I give you props. That's
great. You guys lead a Bible study or don't lead a Bible study, lead a small group, but
lead yourself so you can lead her and your family. Right. And you don't have to learn
it all in the middle of the, um, trying to connect two lives. Um, you know, uh, I always
thought I, and I share, like, I always thought, uh, my ex was, she grew up in church her whole
life. I became a Christian six months before we got married. Like, so there's a massive
disparity, but I knew I was supposed to be this leader. So then I got in the word, I
got in mentors, I got every Bible study I went to, and then I got really proficient
and then surpassed her, which she resented, unfortunately. I mean, that, and that's a
brokenness in her. She had this problem. She had some sort of thing where I've been a Christian
longer than you, you can't tell me what to do. And I'm like, I'm not telling you what
to do. I'm just saying what I learned, you know, and there was brokenness there, but
like, but get to where you know the word. I mean, even if you, like, even if you just
read a devotional, get an audio Bible, whatever, but like get something that gets you leading
yourself spiritually so you can lead someone else. So, um, I don't know, like, I'm just
trying to think of things that you can do now. So that way, um, your, your, your, your
future ride is blessed and your life is blessed. Right. Um, like, and where, like, you get
yourself whole or in a place where you're not attracted to something that's going to
skew you. Right. Like, or like, that's going to take you off course where you're going
to end up in a, in a ditch somewhere. You know, Jesse, it's so funny. Cause there's
this gal on my Facebook was like, don't message me unless you have a raccoon or cash. And
so when you said raccoons, I was like, Oh my gosh, there's a raccoon thing. Oh, those
things, you know, like, um, I was like, what if I invested you with the raccoon and cash?
I don't, you don't like, let's go. Like, you know, I, I almost did it just because like,
it was so funny, but like, um, but, and you know, you guys, um, being on here, I just
want to give you, I, you know, being on here, I just give you props cause you're already
working towards it. I'm just hoping to get, um, more to jump in. Can I say something like,
um, is it a little bit, I mean, this is kind of going back to what we've started talking
about, but I took the kids to the orthodontist this morning and my one daughter, she's 14
and like.
I know she needs braces,
and they were gonna actually put them on her today
because we had been in there like a year ago.
She had to get teeth pulled, et cetera.
So they almost just scheduled an appointment
just to put the braces on.
But I'm like, nah, we haven't been there for a long time.
Let's all come in and reevaluate and go from there.
Well, anyhow, the orthodontist looked at her teeth
and the x-ray, and he's like,
you need an expander is what you need before braces.
You need an expander.
There's room to move the teeth around
and room for the teeth to come in.
You have to expand your top teeth before you get braces.
And so, anyhow, I felt like the Lord
just spoke to me in that moment.
Sometimes we think we know what we need,
and maybe it is what we need,
but we don't understand sometimes
that there's a step before what we think we need
that needs to happen before we get
what we think we need right now.
You know what I mean?
So good, so good, dude.
So that's kind of to go along
with what we were talking about in the beginning
as far as just getting your own house.
And, you know, I don't know.
I don't know, maybe that speaks to someone,
but I just wanted to share that.
I mean, it spoke to me.
Like, dude, 100%.
Like, you know, the other thing women are like,
are you living a life that I want to join?
Right.
Or live a life that somebody would want to join.
And that, for me, I was like, man.
Because when I, I tell you guys,
when I pull in and I feel beat up,
not that I do, I kind of turtle.
I guess I turtle a little bit.
I'm like, you know what, I'm just going to pull in.
I'm going to isolate.
I'm going to do these things.
And I'm like, that's not really a life
that somebody would want to come alongside, right?
And so I've worked on, even when I'm getting beat up,
staying out and trying to like walk through things, right?
About being like, being fun.
Like, I'm trying to remember how to be fun again.
I mean, I got so cynical with cancer
and all this other stuff.
You know, so I'm hanging out with kids
because they really are experts in fun, right?
Like, they'll teach you fun.
If you need, you know, if you want to have some fun,
go to do some children's ministries
and just let their joy wash over you
and learn how to be a kid again.
Because a lot of us never got to be kids and we forgot.
You know, Jesus says, come to me like a child,
but like we get so beat up with life.
So I don't know, what else?
What other things can we get prepared before?
Any ideas, anybody want to jump in?
I want you all to get a W, right?
Get the win.
You know the difference with nice guy versus a good guy?
You know, like,
there's like,
women test you.
Like, you know, are you strong enough to be my man?
And I think depending on how attractive they are,
they seem to, I don't know.
Sometimes I thought it was brokenness, right?
But I, you know, but like, are they, can you handle me?
They're asking the question,
can you handle me even when I'm being a turd
or whatever, like, or not, you know,
at my worst, can you handle this?
Right, I think the question is,
are you strong enough to be my man?
Can you connect to me emotionally?
Can you lead me?
Do I want to join your life?
And we can, like, I like bad guys.
So if you guys don't understand,
haven't figured this out,
I like looking at the questions they're asking
and trying to position to answer those questions well,
right?
Like, you know, and reverse engineer.
I'm a machinist, I reverse engineer things all the time.
So I engineer, I try to reverse engineer their needs.
Okay, so I need to be, you know, fully myself,
like, but the light me, not the serious me, right?
You know, I have, you know, we all have different sides.
And that's why one of the things like Jesse,
I think to your point, is having a little break,
getting off the apps, getting yourself back
to where you can be the funner you,
the lighter you, the whatever,
that way when you can walk into a relationship
and you haven't been, you know,
you don't have all the battle scars
from being on the apps for months, right?
I don't know about you, but it wears me out.
Does it absolutely wear anybody else out?
Because-
I want to hear from Chris,
because the last time I was on here,
he was on, he had multiple dates lined up.
And I remember that season.
He may be at work.
Are you at work, Chris?
Or can you chat?
Or that's why I didn't call on him.
Because I, you know, usually when he's-
Camera he's at work. Okay. No, it's just I'm running around doing stuff. So I was oh, oh cool
I'm not wanting to ruin the vibe, you know
Ruin the vibe like like like anybody talking other than me. It's great, you know
Well, cuz I want I want to hear what you guys need and what you didn't where you're at, so how's it going Chris
Well, I think it went
It's going pretty well. I think
I've narrowed down my five now to one and
jury still
jury still out about
you know, I think I'm ready to to we're both exclusive right now just by
Happenstance and it wasn't really a choice. But um
she's still wanting to kind of date and and get to know each other, but we
I
mean yesterday we met for a hike drove out to
About 45 minutes out to a hike and did another hike
Then had tacos and had ice cream then went back to my house played board games and then I drove her home
So we were together
Wow
That's I mean we like spending time with each other. So that's a good sign
Yeah, and we're getting she's just very
shy
reserved so getting
stuff out of her is
It's difficult, but I see
the the ice melting sort of the the yeah, she's becoming more and more comfortable with me and more and more
The the moments when I see her light up
Mm-hmm and like drop all the defenses and the shyness
Like especially when we're like doing something weird or like like this hike we went. She's
Very adventurous wants to do all kinds of crazy stuff that I've always wanted to do
So having someone that wants to do all that stuff is super fun
and
So we went to the rope swings and we're doing rope swings in the forest because why not?
And so seeing her kind of light up and get interested and get enthusiastic and
Hey guy can be video now, oh
The that kind of stuff has been super fun and
So I'm just like this needs I feel like this needs time and so I told her I said at this time
I you know, I like you you're unique enough and
I
Feel like I got to give this time
So I'm not gonna be shopping around. I don't see a point for now. So and she's like, yeah
Well, I want to keep doing what we're doing. I'm like, that's fine. Let's let's get another time together
She just works a lot. So trying to make our
Opposite schedules lineup is difficult, but I'm
cautiously optimistic
That's amazing
Common interest and stuff. That's important. Yeah. Oh, we for sure. I have never had any
that is the weirdest thing and Jesse, I just wanted to say this to you because
You know having lost my wife it's the weirdest thing we have more common interests than I am ever like
It's amazed. We're both like into whiskey. We both want to go on these big hikes. We both
are
You know everything that we learn about each other like oh my gosh, I've wanted to do that
I want to go to New Orleans. I want to do that
Like it's just it's weird like I asked her I asked her on our on one of our previous dates
I said, are you catfishing me like for serious?
Like read my profile and is like trying to go through it
So
having that happen and
Then having it
She could not be more different than my wife and that is the weird part and
But I'm attracted to it and it's it's just so so I'm just trying to like I'm in unfamiliar territory
So, um, I know Jesse it's it's tough
And I'm so glad you realize that the whole there's other women out there that are captivating in that way
and you're getting a little bit more positive on that because that is the hard part when you're shopping for so much when you've had
What my uncle and I would call it the gold when you've had the gold and you're now
You know trying to sort through the pyrite and
It is so hard not to get
Discouraged and get negative but at the end of the day there are good women out there
They are and they're not all married. They're not all
It's so easy to get that wayward you're just like they are a good woman and they're all married with five kids and
Oh, but they're not they're they're they're out there. So how many dates have you guys gone on Chris?
With this one that I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I
Think yesterday was five I think or six nice either five or six. So and how long of a time span?
We
Started connecting end of April. So it's been almost
It's like a month and a half. Yeah, we
That's great. And you've been you've been
Single for how long again? It's been like bingo. I mean, I mean like
Is it close to ten years?
Yeah, my wife we're gonna be ten years in August
She passed so since I've I've had girlfriends, but oh
Only a couple serious ones and none of them were more than a few months
Let's see, this one feels different so I'm
I'm just trying to make sure that it's not my the your wishes being the father of your thoughts, you know
Hmm
As soon as you find one, that's just not absolutely
Bouncing off because that was the issue with some of these other women that I have been dating
You know, I will tell you this guys I
And I'll keep her anonymous because she is part of the program
but I
Had a conversation with her on our last date last week
I
Guess a couple weeks ago, but I said
Hey, can I ask you a weird question?
We got we had done a hike and we were at dinner and I said can I ask you a question? Do you?
like me because I feel like you are
Kind of mean you see good things about me
But I don't think you like like my personality or what I bring to the table and I thought that was gonna bounce hard
Off but I felt like it was the right timing and we were kind of connecting and she stopped and kind of thought about it
She's like that's an interesting question
and we had a good discussion about it and it was like an hour and a half discussion drove her home and
We finally settled in the car and like yeah, you're right. I
You are such a good man. Like I see you spiritually. I see you all these things
But yeah, I guess we don't really like like each other that way we don't
It's weird, but we had this cook
Very mature conversation and left Amy amicable. You just realizing no, we don't really like each other's vibes
We don't we're not traveling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and
She's like, hey, well, I'm dating somebody else. I know you're dating somebody else
I'm like, why don't we just leave it open if we want to circle back to it? But yeah, I would love to you know,
just not
Torch the bridge and I'm like, yeah, exactly. I'd love to remain
Amiable, I I don't have no problem with that and I helped her carry something heavy and then left and it was just nice
So it's just I've never done dating this way and it's so weird
So this program has definitely changed my mind about a lot of things
It's amazing. And like and you like like you say ending well and having having emotionally healthy conversations like like real
That you guys if you guys can't have those conversations like that's a red. It's a yellow flag
Right, like why don't you want to have those conversations or are they not capable if they're not capable?
What happens if you guys get married like does that make sense? Like yeah, and and
being
You know, I say I'm gonna love whoever's in front of me
I'm gonna do you know try to reset the bar for every person in front of me that I'm dating
Otherwise and
If and when I get to keep one, it'll be amazing
I've got like a dozen ladies who are friends now one of them. I was saw in reading
We hung out
And like my dating life has been resetting the bar showing what a real dude looks like and some point it's gonna work out
Right, but I'm like, you know, I'll get to keep one at some point
But it you know
I'm gonna do my best to be a man of honor and show him what that looks like and a lot of them haven't experienced
Yeah, it's true and Christopher. I love that
you guys sameness is kind of it can work but
difference brings to
When you have somebody who's a who's
Complimentary opposite that brings so much more color to the table
Right and and knowing who you who I am now and being confident in that helped me realize that
Then I'm like, I don't want to change who I am to be with you. So oh, yeah
That was a
yeah, because if you change who you are to fit somebody else then you're not being left for who you are and you're actually just a
facade and
They don't even know the real you and that's not fair either. It's not fair to either of you, right? Yes. Yeah
But like, you know, Christopher, so one of the things that you were sharing, I said safety
like women.
Well, I mean, I haven't run into, I mean, in my age range, they've been hurt, right?
So sometimes, and some of them come off super icy.
But when they feel safe, you know, I was on one date where I saw when she felt safe.
I saw this little girl that was a lot of fun.
But then the protective, you know, that then she'd shift back into her, I got to be guarded
and protective.
And part of the journey is like, sorry, I'm not saying this well, but like, giving it
some time until they feel safe, you'll see a whole different side of them.
You'll see the real like, allow them, you know, it says in the Genesis, they were naked
and unashamed.
It's like, hey, here's all of me.
You know, I mean, like, if somebody shows you all of them early on, that's a, it's not
a good, good gig either.
But like, they're willing to show, feel safe enough that they'll share themselves with
you.
And that's actually one of the greatest gifts you can ever get is when somebody says, hey,
this is all of me and I trust you.
So being, becoming somebody who is worthy of trust, who honors that trust, who takes
it as a gift, we all should be doing that, right, or, you know, and everything.
And introverts, like, like, I don't know if it's all introvert, like, you know, I hate,
I hate labels.
But I have found that introverts have a tendency, the ones that I've dealt with, they take a
little while to come out of their shell, but when they come out, it's great, right?
You know, deep waters are still waters run deep.
I don't know.
I think I just screwed that up.
But that's, you know, and I, and I appreciate that.
But when you're on your first, okay, you guys, when you're on your first date, you're both
neurotic.
Like, I don't care how relaxed you're trying to be.
You want to show up as your full self.
But most of the time, there's just intrinsic to it's all new.
You're like, I want them to like me, I'm afraid you're like, there's there's so many little
things going on your subconscious.
So then your second date, if the first date goes well, or reasonably well, you get into
a second date.
Now your subconscious is like, hey, we made it through one now I can chill out a little
bit.
And I and I can let more of me be seen.
And ideally, I mean, you would do that on the first date and work towards I'm going
to be seen whether or not but I don't know about you, but like some first dates, you
know, I'm still I'm still going and maybe you guys are experts at it, but like, but
give it some time because people aren't always themselves on our first or second date.
Sometimes it's a third date or fourth date where you actually get to meet the real person
meet the real person sounds wrong, but like, you get to see the see inside their world,
they feel safe enough to come out enough to show you other parts of their personality.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
You know, and that's a gift you guys if people show you who they are, honor that cherish
that it's because they're trusting you.
They're entrusting you with to see more of them.
Now, now, don't don't get love bomb because they're like, oh, this is all of me and my
ticket.
You know, like, you know, you don't want an emotional vampire, you know, but like, but
also don't if somebody is a little guarded.
Most women have been beat up and hurt and most dudes have to so I'm not I'm just saying
like, understand like dating stressful for pretty much everybody that I've ever talked
to.
And I like that when they trust you start to get the personality expansion packs.
Yeah, you get to see you to see the and you know, and you know, like, I have a really
goofy side, right, you know.
And so when I feel comfortable with somebody like, I had to be, you know, which tells me
if I'm feeling comfortable, if my goofy side comes out some I'm feeling safe with somebody,
you know, that's told me about me.
You know, but no, it Hey, Mr. Hunter.
Hey, good to see you.
Oh, I I'm just trying to grow and everything and doing some jiu jitsu, which is really
turning that is amazing.
It's doing terrible.
I have four stripes.
I'm a white belt by four stripes right now.
That's cool.
I just survived the whole thing about surviving game pounded and I figured you know what this
can help build a this is something gay men need to do.
boost confidence.
This is a time and age where you need to
because a lot of men our age feel like we're past our prime,
we're gonna let our bodies go to hell,
and I'm not one of those.
I was gonna say, you can make, that's a choice.
Like, dude, I was at Brave Co. in Reading,
and I still got it.
You know, like, you know, I had some young bucks
that I was throwing around pretty good.
So you don't have to let yourself go, right?
No, so I also, I'm back to church,
and I'm thinking about the abs,
but I figure, you know what?
All I can do is pray to God about it
and want it for the right reason,
and I bet, because these two women I'm talking to at church,
one, I walked out to the car,
we walked out together, her car and mine,
and we had a good talk and communicated well,
and I figured, let's have the best conversation,
and then I got to say, because they were graduating
some kind of small-scale seminary that our church had,
and we sat next to them,
and they introduced me to their friends,
and I said, God, I'm just a brother in Christ
that I met on a Greece and Malta trip,
and I told him, I said, okay, if I text it,
yeah, that's good, and I figured, you know what?
I'm gonna text.
This is, instead of shying and being bashful,
like, oh, man, this, how about I try to see,
you know what, let's, if this is a chance
to prove and heal and be me, then let's try this.
Well, okay, I mean, so they want you to be assertive.
Assertive is good.
Pushy is different.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah, we don't wanna come across
as manipulative or desperate.
That's idolatry.
But, like, Hunter, I would just love
to just see you just chill and be you
and not explain everything,
and just hang out and have some fun.
Yes.
Hey, just because, like, dude,
I love that you're doing all these things
to improve yourself, and, I mean, I applaud you, dude.
It's amazing, and I feel kind of jealous
because I wanna do jiu-jitsu, but I haven't been able to.
You know, I-
Oh, I wrestled in high school,
and when I left high school, I loved,
I felt like my wrestling time during wrestling
is just unfinished.
Well, so, but just do it for you and be the best you.
Build a life that somebody wants to join.
We were talking about that earlier, right?
I know.
And then, but, Hunter, just chill.
Let it come to you.
Just be you, the fullest of you.
And that's what happened to me.
Enjoy the ride, you guys.
Life's supposed to be fun.
I know.
God intended this to be, like,
I mean, not that everything in life is great,
but, like, you know, like, enjoy the ride.
We only got one, right?
And I'm preaching to the dude talking, by the way,
just so you know.
Like, it's like, you know,
I have to tell myself this all the time, right?
Hunter, are you going this weekend to the,
is it this weekend?
The one in the city, or the?
The conference in New Jersey there.
No, I got some things.
I've already been there.
I've been there before, though.
Yeah, I saw you last year there.
Yeah, and also, our NYC chapter
might be doing something on Long Island.
I'm gonna call Hopi and see if she is.
I may be the only guy, but you know what?
I'm bored.
I want something to do in the city.
You're gonna have some fun.
Nice.
You guys are on the other side of the,
other side of the world for me,
but, or not world, but, like,
it seems like New York's forever away, right?
Yeah, I had a gal from, like, Quebec,
and I'm like, aye, aye, aye, no.
Like, what's the flight?
Do you guys know the flight from, like,
Cali to New York?
How long that is?
It's not that long.
No?
No.
So I was like.
Isn't it, like, seven hours?
Yeah, it sounds about right, so.
I don't know.
Maybe it's just me and my mental,
but, like, if somebody was, like, in Phoenix,
I could be on a plane and be there in an hour or so.
It's just five hours seems like a lot of time on a plane.
You know?
But, so.
Anything you guys, or coming up on time,
anything you guys want to shout about, or?
Hey, Doug.
I know Tim sounds like you're having
a heck of a time with reception.
Anything you guys want to talk about, like, in the future?
Like, I'll prep.
I'll do what I'll.
Yes.
What?
Yes, I want, there's some personal hard work
of mine on my own that I want to iterate and question,
and I want to share, I want to know if,
I want to ask Jackie, when can I be in the spotlight?
They said I can, but we're finding,
they're trying to find a day.
Yeah, and Jackie's doing new things,
and all that has seen many changes, right?
But, like, is there anything that we?
I can help you guys with that.
You're like, Hey, I want to learn more about this.
Right.
Or is, or does this work for you?
You know, um, like, I mean, we could do a question that I've, that I've kind of had
is like, what is, uh, the healthy step between, I guess it would be a, but a
level two and a level three come in like the girlfriend role, what, what's the
differences from just dating and having fun.
That'd be fun discussion because I think I know, but yeah.
Like we go from, Hey, we're chatting.
We're in the community.
We're in proximity to now are exclusive and we're starting to learn each other.
Um, you know, and the key is always, I mean, make it enjoy the ride and make it
and have fun, um, is it four is four is engagement, right?
And then five is marriage.
I don't, I have to refresh the steps.
Sorry.
Um, but no, that's good at Christopher.
Cause it is, there's a transition point where it's like, Oh, we were dating and I
like you now, what do we do?
Right.
Like, you know, like what, where do we go from here?
And, um, I think that's the point, like where you start, um, I mean, you learn a
lot, well, hopefully you're learning a lot in the dating process, like whether
they fit, um, you guys fit well together, you know, um, you could try, um, there's
a book by the Gottman's called eight first or by, uh, yeah, the government's
called eight first date or it's eight first dates or eight dates before my,
Oh gosh, I'm so bad.
Um, anyways, but the whole point of the, um, the long story short, the whole
point of the eight dates is to do different things that show you how you
guys interact and will interact in a marriage and, um, answer the, some
questions and bring up questions.
Right.
Um, and so, um, the Gottman's are the marriage experts of the world, but I
mean, I, I think when you're dating, it'd be good to just take some of those
dates and have those dates and, and have those conversations and see, I mean,
because once, once you become exclusive, you're looking at our, I guess your
next step is, are we going to go into engagement?
Right.
And I know a lot of engagement.
It really, um, drills down on what are your roles?
What is this?
What are your expectations?
Yada.
I mean, like, so that's like engagement talk, but you can do like by doing
like the different kinds of dates, different kinds of learning, different
things, putting yourself in different experiences to learn how the person
reacts and works can be like a pre engagement test of, um, and like
Christopher, I love that.
You're like, Hey, we're out in the woods and she likes rope swimming.
And I've always wanted to do that.
Like, so you found out, wow, man, she's adventurous and she likes doing
some of the things that I like to do.
That's amazing.
Now, you know, um, like a picnic, how does she, you know, like, or what,
like, like different, different kinds of, uh, endeavors, like going out, um,
to, uh, what do you call those escape rooms?
How does she deal under pressure?
How do we work under pressure?
I don't know if escape rooms are like, you know, like those
seem like a terrible idea.
I, you know, like let's, let's, let's, you know, I did that.
Let's, uh, not with this one, but, uh, another one.
And actually it was, it was a lot of fun.
I highly recommend it.
If you want to test that part of your relationship.
What else?
And so that's the whole point of testing different parts of your relationship.
You know, um, like is she competitive and how does she lose?
How do you lose?
What do you lose?
Well, I mean, you know, like, you know, um, and so, um, and, um,
is she somebody who will partner?
I mean, I think what I liked about what you said, Christopher, it sounds like
she's somebody who you could partner with, you do different things and you're
like, man, I have a partner here, somebody who to come alongside, and then
you get to be her partner in doing something that she likes, and that'd be
something that I would recommend is like, um, you're like, okay, I'll
plan a couple of days.
You plan one, you do what you want to, because usually we do something that
we want to do and you let, let them plan one and you get to learn about how
they do things, right?
And so you get to learn about their world and how they plan or don't
plan or what they like.
You can experience a lot of what they like through their lens.
Right.
So I like, um, you know, whether, or just like a, you know, you pick the
coffee plate or give them something to, that helps because the whole point of
dating is learning who the person is and how you guys react and whether you
want to make a lifetime out of it.
Right.
So, Oh, you guys are amazing.
And I'm glad, um, I, you know, I'm super proud of y'all, you know, and that you're
here.
and that you're growing, and that God honors that kind of stuff.
And not that you're doing it for that,
and not that even if you weren't doing it, that he wouldn't.
I hate when people are like, if you just get ready,
he'll bring her.
I mean, have you had people say it to you?
I've heard that so many times.
Yes, I did.
I'm like, and there is some truth, a lot of truth in that,
right?
But God's not a transactional God.
He's a good dad.
And so get yourself in your best place
to the best of your abilities with him.
Those that wait upon the Lord, well, like Jesse, like me,
right now, it's like, I'm in a season where I'm like, Lord,
I'm going to spend some time with you,
and I'm going to let you figure everything out.
But we're going to go deeper.
I'm going to let you restore my soul,
so that way when you bring me my spirit mate, my soul mate,
whatever, soul mate, there is no such thing as a soul mate
like as the, you understand that, right?
Like soul mate was something Greek mythology came up with.
Like humans were so advanced or whatever
that the gods had to split them into two different people,
because if they ever came together,
they'd take over the world.
So you're just looking for your soul mate.
That's a bunch of garbage.
There's a lot of ladies out there
that will be your spirit mate.
And I like spirit mate better, but sorry.
Well, that's what I really hate about,
like, especially with me and Jesse's situation,
we're widowed.
We think we've found our soul mates
if you want to believe in that.
And then we're like, what?
Supposed to be single for the rest of our life?
Come on now.
Yeah, no, and that's the thing is,
or you get divorced and you never intended
on being divorced and you're like, man, you know,
but God's a good dad.
And he says, it's not.
I mean, dude, I didn't say this.
God said it.
It's not good that man is alone, right?
Like, and so in the right timing,
he'll bring it so you're not alone.
And can you do that through friends and stuff?
Yes, but the context of that verse is Eve came, right?
Like, so like, you know,
and if it's a desire of your heart
and you guys are doing the work
and I'm just super proud of you guys
and glad to be part of the process.
If I can help you guys in any way,
you all know, like, dude,
I'll go to the mattresses with you guys.
Please.
Right, you know, I don't know Hunter.
I'll make a list for you.
I'm pretty massive.
And like, I do want to do jujitsu though.
I've always wanted to do that.
I almost got to black in Taekwondo,
but, or I got to brown, almost to brown.
Sorry, right.
I think brown's right before black.
I forget.
Well, brown is before black.
Yeah, so I was almost to brown,
but my voice stopped playing.
Taekwondo or?
Taekwondo, yeah.
So I have the striking down.
I just need the mattress kind of stuff.
Nobody wanted to spar with me.
But anyways, you guys, you're amazing.
Can I pray us out?
Lord Jesus, I just thank you for every man on this call,
every man in this program,
every man that's gonna watch this.
Lord, would you draw near to them?
I just, we just break off all hopelessness,
discouragement.
Lord, I just pray that you would bring,
you say in due season,
like you would bring the due season
for the harvest for them.
And thereby, you say it's not good for man to be alone.
And I bring their spirit mate, their help mate,
to each one of these men.
But Lord, give them eyes to see.
And I pray that their eyes and hearts would be ignited
to see and hear.
And their spirit mates would also be ignited and aligned
so that when they see each other,
there'll be no doubting.
And Lord, then, and we just thank,
we just praise you,
and I can't wait for all the cool stories.
But Lord, in the meantime,
would you help us get our houses together?
And would you help us just draw near to you
as we're waiting?
And would you fill that void in our hearts
that only you can fill?
In Jesus' name, amen.
You guys are amazing, thank you.
I'll be praying for you guys,
and keep it up, you're doing awesome.
I can't wait to hear all,
well, can't wait to hear you guys,
like, hey, I'm at a level four,
and we're headed toward five, right?
Which, you know, like we're getting married again,
or getting married, or married again,
because God's a good dad, and he loves you.
All right, we'll talk soon.
Blessings, y'all.