can everybody hear me? Yeah. Oh, good. Somebody talked. I was like, why can't I hear anybody?
Usually I hear the thing that says it's being recorded and I'm like, I didn't hear that.
So I'm like, is it being recorded? But my indicator does say that it is. So, all right,
cool. Welcome ladies. Um, real quick. Do I have any, um, new ladies to phase two on this
call? Maybe, maybe this isn't your first time to a phase two live call, but maybe this is
your first time here to the one o'clock. So maybe it might be the first time I haven't
seen you, Dana. So good to see you. I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. It's so good
to see you. Um, thank you. Good, good, good. Okay. Chrissy, this is your second one. Awesome.
Good to see you. Um, awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Okay. Well, I'm sure there's going to be
more people jumping on as well. Um, I'm going to go ahead and pray for us and then I'm going
to jump into some housekeeping stuff. And then I'm not sure if anybody saw my, um, I'm,
I'm working on getting comfortable and getting more intentional with the app and being more
consistent with that. And so I was able to do a post. And so hopefully y'all saw that. I'm going
to try to do better at that and get those reminders out there for you and kind of give you a little
preview of what the teaching will be, um, for the day. So that was shared, but awesome. Awesome.
Awesome. Lucy, I haven't seen you in a long time. Yes. I, your name popped up and I'm like,
I know that name. I'm like, I know I've seen her before. It just might have been a minute.
It's okay. I love that you're still here. Like that's good. Um, so, um, yes, yes, yes. Um,
I'm glad that you're here. So yes, before you can move into phase three, you want to get all
the good stuff from here. Right. I know we have a lot of ladies that have been in the phase one
and phase two. And, and I think with the membership that some people signed up with,
they're getting shifted over to phase three, because that was only for a certain amount of,
I think it was like for a year. Um, when we, we, not everybody had that membership, but I had some
ladies over the last couple of weeks. They're like, I'm getting kicked out. I can't stay here
anymore. I'm getting moved to phase three. And so, um, I know that's happening. So there's lots
of cool things that happen in phase three. Um, so don't think that you have to just like hang out
here. I mean, as much as I love you and I enjoy getting, just like connect with you all and get
to be part of your story. Um, I also don't want y'all missing out on what is over in phase three,
two, because that is a bigger community. And there is so much, there's even just a broader
range of wisdom and women that have been in the program for, you know, longer. And like,
there's just going to be so many more stories that you hear and you, you want to be able to
capitalize on the hope that gets, um, released in that phase. And so I love phase two because
it's a great, um, diving board. It's kind of that, like, like going from heartwork and like
going through some of that, like beginning stages of that, like heart surgery, if you will.
And like, what is this heartwork stuff that I'm doing? Because that doesn't go away.
Um, but that first phase of when you're getting introduced to it, it is nice to have that more
intimate group and then not the distraction of the dating. So then when you get through that,
then you get launched into a smaller group, kind of like, it's like, maybe it's not the diving
board. Maybe it's more like the kiddie pool. Maybe that's a better analogy. You're getting
into that kiddie pool where you get a smaller, um, group of ladies and more coaching that is
going to be more individualized for you. Um, and we get to spend a little bit more time getting
to know like what dating is looking like for you. So we can give you a little bit more of
an individualized coaching. So as long as that you show up, get vulnerable, um, be willing to
do the work, be willing to be engaged. Okay. It's going to take some stretching on your part,
but it is available to you. And then once you get comfortable there and you've worked,
you've worked the heartwork, you've gotten some of those things because dating is going to bring
up heartwork ladies. It will. Okay. Don't think it won't. Okay.
ladies that have been here for a minute, they're going to let you know it most certainly will
bring up new heart work things. Okay, you're gonna think that you dealt with some things
and then you're gonna get into this dating thing and be like, uh, I only dealt with a
layer of it. Okay. So healing will come in layers. Um, and so just don't, don't beat
yourself up when those revealings for healing surface, that's totally normal, but that's
why we have this phase two so that you get that support. You get the support from myself
and Ebony, and then you get the support of your smaller community of sisters here and
you kind of build, you know, an even, um, more intimate relationship with the ladies
here too. And then when you go into phase three, you'll see ladies that you have built
relationship with that already moved on. And then you'll, you'll get to, um, welcome the
ladies that you might have left before that come after you. And so it's just a way to
continue to build community. So, um, all good things. And so hopefully that, um, for anybody
that's watching and replay, that's just a good little overview of what we do here in
phase two at last year single. So, all right, let's go ahead and pray and then get started.
All right, ladies. Okay. So heavenly father, I just thank you for bringing each one of
these women here today on this call. I thank you for every woman that's going to watch
this and replay Lord. I thank you for the work that you're doing in their hearts. And
even in those places where they're stretching and there's discomfort, um, there's uncertainty
and things sometimes feel unfinished and uncomfortable. Lord, I just invite your spirit
into this conversation, help us to slow down enough just to hear your voice, especially
above any of the fear or the anxiety, any of that overthinking that I know so many of
us women do only because I do that myself. Um, and the pressure that we, um, often just
put on ourself to have everything figured out that, you know, each day we need that
reminding that we have you as our source and that we're not walking this life alone to
figure it out on our own, but we have you to partner with that or to ask that you just
give us wisdom and discernment to whatever it is that you want to reveal, um, to each
of us individually, as well as a community Lord, when discomfort shows up, uh, I just
pray that you help us to not immediately run from the discomfort, help us to become curious
about what you want to teach us, what you want to heal in us. What are you asking us
to pay attention to? Jackie often praise, teach us, show us, heal us and grow us. Lord,
I ask that you help us trust the growth. That's not always comfortable. Like Jackie says,
it doesn't have to be easy. It just, it just has to be worth it. You know, preparation
doesn't, doesn't just fall into our laps that it actually requires some stretching. Lord,
I just ask that you just give us the courage to remain open and to stay teachable, to stay
connected, connected to you in this process that leads to, to the promises that you've
delivered Lord. I thank you for this community. I thank you for the women who, who are showing
up and staying engaged and asking the questions, especially for the ones that continue to do
the deep work in their hearts, or I know it's not easy. I know there are seasons for so many
of these women where it's just not easy. It's not easy to do the deep work, but you meet us
in that season and you give us the grace, you give us the mercy. And I just thank you for their
obedience and their intentionality, just to continue to press into you, Lord, or to ask that
you let, let this community and this space today be a place of breakthrough for healing, for wisdom
and for encouragement, just to be able to flourish. Lord, I ask.
as we spend this time together that it's a reminder that we're not here just to find answers
but more importantly we're here to grow closer to you and become
the brides that you have prepared us to be or to ask that we come into this call with surrendered
hearts especially for our healing surrender our dating journey surrender our love story
and just over our future into your hands let me ask this in jesus jesus mighty name amen
all right see if i have any more ladies jumping on i don't think so there might have been a couple
all right i'm going to quickly go over some housekeeping um i welcome to anybody who um
is brand new um i did the introduction already so those of you that don't know me most of you do
um and then we kind of explain the what teaching happens here specifically in phase two
um what we do is we for these tuesday calls we do um a quick housekeeping we're going to pray
we're into housekeeping and we'll do a brief teaching of what is showing up in currently
in our face so what are what are women experiencing in our phase at this very moment so what themes
are surfacing so that's why it's important for you ladies to um be open and willing to get
vulnerable and come into the app and share your stories and what what you're experiencing what
is god revealing what's your dating situations like what um encouragement are you getting what
is the lord having you work on what if you're feeling discouragement what does that look like
what what layers of heartwork is he working on in you um what wins are you gaining like we want to
know what you're experiencing in this season because chances are you all are probably
experiencing something similar and the holy spirit really can work through a body of us and that's
where we get to come together and really lean into what holy spirit wants us to grow in and so
we will typically do a teaching during this call that lends itself to what myself and ebony are
recognizing that's coming up and a lot of what you ladies are sharing um with the addition to
what we have in our content that you all watch each week so you have those five videos
in the teachings and the content um so those training materials those are there for you
as well take it at your own pace my biggest advice is do not rush through them do not watch
more than one a week um don't try to knock them all out okay minimum for this phase five weeks
okay i really don't encourage ladies to jump out of phase two sooner than five weeks it really
doesn't doesn't have a great like we see the acceleration in women that are showing up and like
letting god take the driver's seat and walk you through your journey and it doesn't have
to look like everybody's journey okay y'all my journey i didn't start dating for a year
when i found jackie okay i wouldn't advise it like a lot of that was my stubbornness
but god used that because he also knew there was a lot of healing in my identity that
really needed to take place before i was going to be fully capable of holding the capacity
for the lord to bring my spirit mate like that i was going to be truly ready that he wasn't going
to give me a gift and a blessing that i couldn't carry that i was going to just mess up you know
or i guess we can't really mess anything up because god's involved in that but
i would have made it more challenging for myself is probably what i it would be a better
explanation to that and so i want you to have grace and ease for yourself
Okay. And know that myself and Ebony and all the coaches here at last year single have
that same for you because we're either going through it ourselves or we've been through
it. So you're not alone. Um, for our group coaching, what we'll do is we're going to
wait till after our teaching. And then that's when I'm going to have you ladies, raise your
avatar, little hands to let me know that you have some, some coaching that you want. You
want a specific question answered. Those avatar hands is going to let me get an idea
of how much time do I need and how much time do we have to navigate? Okay. If I have a
lot of ladies, we're going to need to be diligent and mindful of that. If I only got a couple
hands, we get a little more, a little more time. Ideally, I would love to keep these
calls to 90 minutes. I have not been great at that. I just haven't Sarah shell, you
know, last week y'all that was, I like, I got off that call and I beat myself up. Like
I legit beat myself up and not that the Holy spirit didn't do something incredible there.
I don't want to say that we can't allow the space for the Holy spirit to move, but I also
want to be mindful that not everybody has that time and even watching the replays, like
that's a long period of time. Okay. So I don't ever want you ladies to feel like you're forced
to have to listen to all of that. But I also don't want us to not press into what the Holy
spirit is doing either. It's a balance. Okay. So I, I beat myself up and then, you know,
obviously the Lord was like, stop beating yourself up. Like, you know, there's a lesson here.
It's about balance. Just roll with it. I was like, okay, Lord, thank you. Okay. So I'm going
to release that same thing to you all for anybody that needs it. So when we do have those questions,
I'm going to ask you to keep those around to two minutes. Okay. For the sake of time.
And then that will allow myself or Ebony the opportunity to coach you individually,
but then we're also going to keep in mind because there's replays and there's other women on this
call. Your questions are very valuable to the community as a whole. And so I will tend to tailor
my responses to you individually, but I'm also going to help as best as I can to coach the group
with anything that would feel similar. Okay. And then when you have a question,
I'm just going to try to do better myself at we're only going to allow one question.
The first round. I know oftentimes I'm not great at this and I allow ladies to ask several
questions. I am going to cut you off at one and say, I will come back to you after everyone's
got there. Okay. I am going to really try hard to follow through on that. Okay. Um,
and then once all that done is I I'll have activation and then that is going to include
some type of participation from you in the app. Um, now if you ladies are recognizing that you're
going to need a little bit more detailed coaching, because some ladies prefer that, um, I want you
ladies to consider a couple of things. One, I want you to consider investing in the one-on-one
coaching calls that we offer. They are an additional fee, but they do allow you 50 minutes.
Okay. That's five zero. So there is myself, there's Ebony and there's several other
coaches in our community, and we have all different schedules. So it, you, you should
be able to find someone that is going to speak to you and you're gonna be like, Oh, I think this
person's going to be a good fit for me. And they work with my schedule. Like they're the time that
they're available is also a time I'm available. So know that those opportunities are there.
Um, so pick something that works best for you. Um, and then if, you know, that might not be
something that you're able to do, or you feel like that's necessary. It's not mandatory.
One-on-one coaching is not mandatory and it's not mandatory for growth. Okay. So what we offer
here in the group, most certainly you can still get accelerated coaching. So if you, um, do.
recognize you are going to need more detailed coaching. I do want you to consider showing up
and posting more in the app. Um, and then even showing up in the app and reading and reflecting
on what other women are sharing as well. Okay. So if you're not familiar with the app, make sure
that you're going to get familiar with that. Okay. There's no time better like the present,
especially for some of you ladies had been in here for a minute. All right. I want you ladies
to make sure that you know how to navigate around that specialty events tab, because that's where
all of our events happen. That's where you're going to access, um, your zoom links, the pass
codes, all of that stuff. We've been getting a lot of questions about the single cities,
um, in the Facebook groups, we get the question of what's the password because you're going to
get prompted of like, I need a password. When you get, when you asked to join that Facebook single
city community and ladies, that information is in the document under resources. If you click the
document and you open it up, you're going to see the list of all the single cities that we have.
It has links to get you there to the Facebook city, but then it's, it's literally like an Excel
sheet. And then it's going to have like the password and that's the password that we're
asking for. Okay. So all of that information is there. Don't, don't be shy about clicking around
in the app. All right. Get comfortable, getting uncomfortable, especially if you're not tech
savvy. I am learning. I am not as tech. I've never really been tech savvy. Um, that's for sure. Now
I definitely am recognizing I'm not because I literally am moving now to a Mac and not a PC,
even though I'm an iPhone user, I'm like, I don't necessarily know how to use this computer.
Those of you ladies that were on, I was like, my zoom looks way different and I don't know what
I'm doing here. So keep that in mind. And then don't forget about, um, if you signed up for the
book club that's going on tonight. And then, Oh, one last thing this Thursday, there's another
special session that you ladies are invited to. That's for the phase three ladies. And we're
inviting the phase two ladies as well. Again, that information is in your events tab. It's on the
calendar. Okay. So, um, and so you'll find that stuff there. Cool. Awesome. That took a way longer
than I wanted to, but that's okay. All right. So today, um, if you didn't see my post, I was
looking through all of that, all of the posts in the community and what was really surfacing and
what I felt the Lord really highlighting to me that is happening in our phase two with the dating
and the, and the preparing for dating is this theme that discomfort is information. It's not
instruction. Okay. Discomfort doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong and that is new.
Okay. Especially coming out of hard work because we're doing things differently.
So they don't feel different just because it's different. Doesn't mean it's wrong. Okay. Um,
it's perfectly normal for there to be discomfort in the dating process, in the healing process,
in the waiting process. I mean, y'all, I think we all can sit here and say, we've all been
uncomfortable in the waiting process. Everybody agree who agrees y'all. I didn't get engaged
in marrying until I was 40. Like some of you can relate. And some of you are like, oh, Carla,
that's nothing I'm older than that. So we all can share. We uncomfortable having to wait.
All right. I'm a very impatient person at times when it comes to having to wait,
there's some things I can be patient about. There's some other things that I'm like, no,
I won't take control. Like, let me take charge. Um, and then that doesn't ever work out for me.
Um, but we immediately assume that just because something is uncomfortable,
it's wrong. And so I want you to recognize that discomfort is growth. It's healing.
It's stretching it's vulnerability. It's learning a new way to think about things,
a new way to relate to things. And
And it's also a way for God to reveal
something that needs attention.
So the goal is never going to be to avoid the discomfort.
The goal is going to be to discern
what kind of discomfort you're experiencing
and to be able to partner with God in that process.
Okay?
So I wanna start us off by something that
I think we all can relate to,
especially some of us who are not
as diligent about being active.
I'm one of those people.
Okay.
Have you ever been in a season in your life
where you're like, okay, I wanna start exercising
and I'm gonna start like working out a little bit.
All right.
And you might go to the gym
or you might throw on a YouTube workout video
and do that in your house.
Okay.
And you're like, okay, I'm gonna be on top of this
for like a day or two.
Usually for me, it never lasted more than a couple of days.
I'm just gonna be real with you ladies.
Okay.
And has anybody ever done that?
Like, am I alone here?
You can throw it up in the chat.
Like, let me know.
I hope I'm not the only one here.
But when you start doing that,
do you ever like wake up the next day
or after a few days and like,
you're like, oh my gosh,
I can't sit down to go to the bathroom.
I know some of you know what I'm talking about.
Like your legs burn.
Like you can't even laugh because your abs hurt so bad.
You can't even pick up your coffee cup
without it like shaking because you're like,
my arms are noodles.
Like you're hurting, right?
Like, what?
Now I want you to think to yourself,
like if you're in that,
would you say to yourself,
I must be doing something wrong.
Is that pain and discomfort of working out
an indication that you did something wrong
on those workouts?
Always?
I mean, sometimes, okay, yeah.
But majority of the time,
if we're not used to working out,
it's not an indication that we did something wrong, is it?
What is it an indication of?
Put it in the chat.
Yeah, Audrey, it's lack of practice.
Like we're just not used to working those muscles, right?
It's something new, all right?
Most cases, it's not that soreness isn't like,
oh, something's broken.
I've messed something up.
Something's wrong.
It's really actually evidence
that something is being strengthened.
There's growth happening.
There's something like you're building a muscle.
You're growing stronger in something
and it's uncomfortable, okay?
So I want you all to think about that
when you approach dating
and the growth that you're gonna experience in dating.
What if it's not the opposite?
What if it's exactly the same thing as working out?
What if that discomfort that you're feeling in dating
isn't an immediate conclusion that the relationship is wrong?
You're doing something wrong.
Oh, maybe I shouldn't date.
Oh, I'm gonna shut down.
I'm not cut out for this.
Oh, these apps, they just never work.
I'm gonna get off of them.
Oh, I'm gonna run away and run away from the hills.
Maybe I'm not ready for that.
What if we were like, maybe that's not an indication
that discomfort isn't that what it's indicating,
but it's actually showing us
that dating is actually a classroom
that God's using us,
using dating to prepare us for a healthy relationship.
Love story.
What if that dating is the classroom?
He's saying, come sit with me in this classroom.
It's uncomfortable,
but I'm here to prepare you for what healthy love.
and your love story can look like. It's going to require some work. If you're a student,
you still have to do some work. So if we look at it from that lens, I want you to really sit with
that because God has sent us, God will reveal things before dating. He did that in your phase
There's a lot of amazing breakthrough that you ladies have experienced in phase one
and you're going to continue to experience breakthrough and the ebbs and flows of dating
when you're not dating, when you are dating all that before you date and meet your spirit mate,
God is going to reveal amazing things. He's also going to reveal things in the, in the process
of dating through the dating process, because here's a fun fact, ladies ready for it is what
I had to learn and I'm living it. God will reveal things while you're in marriage.
And you ladies that have been married before, you know, I was never married before.
So I've been married now we're going on three years in September.
And I would love to tell you it's been rainbows and butterflies, and it's just been absolutely
fabulous. There have been amazing moments. Absolutely. I am so blessed and so thankful.
And I wouldn't have that if I didn't have this community,
but it wouldn't be an honest testimony. If I didn't tell you there wasn't challenges and there
wasn't areas where it was hard. And there was things that God had to use to heal me in and
that he still is working in me, in my husband, in my kids that I had this facade thinking,
Oh, I did the heart work. God brought me the husband. It, nothing is going to be as difficult
as the single season that I just literally had to spend 40 years going through.
I'm like, I arrived, I did the heart work. I was a single mom for so long. Like I got this,
you know? Oh no. Let me tell you. Jackie isn't joking when she says, and when like God has
spoken this to her and I'm like, Oh, she knows like, this is definitely from the Lord.
Marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind.
It truly is. And so I'm like, Oh my goodness. Like I was like, I'm thankful for the heart work
that I did prior. I'm also sitting there thinking, man, I wish I would've done a little bit more
heart work before. All right. That doesn't mean that it is not been fruitful and there's not
been great blessings in it. God has done an amazing, amazing thing and amazing work in
myself and my husband and my kids and our family as a whole. But I'm saying that because
I really want you to grasp the understanding that the discomfort isn't something to be scared of.
It's actually something to like really invite that invitation and that opportunity
because it is such a blessing and such a gift
to accept before you walk into marriage, like the, the, the fruit and the harvest that you'll
get in your marriage by sitting in the discomfort now is going to be abundant. I promise you that.
So I want to, um, give you the three, um, different types of discomfort. Okay. So these
are going to be important and they're going to be important for you to grasp for our activation.
Okay. I'm gonna try to move through these as quickly as I can. Um, the first one is there
is growth discomfort. Okay. That's going to come from doing something healthy and it's going to
feel unfamiliar. Okay. So examples of this is setting boundaries, um, maybe receiving instead
of overgiving, um, allowing a man to lead. That might be something new for you. Um,
staying open a little longer instead of shutting down,
that might feel unfamiliar and it's actually healthy.
Or the flip side of that is if you're someone
that kind of sticks around too long,
when you should like send somebody on their way,
is learning to let go and create those boundaries
like I shared that first example,
like being able to set boundaries.
Another thing is like trusting God
instead of controlling outcomes,
that might be new and unfamiliar for you,
but it's actually really healthy.
Y'all, that's a season that I'm in right now,
as a wife, as a mother, as a blended mother, okay?
Trusting that God's in control,
that I don't have to operate
and being responsible for all of it, okay?
And maybe moving slower
than what your old pattern preferred.
You might be like, I'm gonna rush in.
That was me, ladies.
I was the kissing bandit.
I was like, I'm all about making out, let's go.
Let's like, I'm ready, like, woo.
You know, I was like,
I wanna attach to you really quickly.
I had to be like, okay, pump the brakes, Carla.
So I had to learn how to do that.
And I was uncomfortable at first.
Some of you might be like, no, I'm like always at that.
So you might have to get comfortable,
like opening yourself up a little more
and being a little bit more vulnerable
and taking a little bit more of a risk.
So it's gonna look different for everybody, okay?
But discomfort is part of the process in phase two,
just is, okay?
And so that's that growth discomfort.
And so what is healthy doesn't feel familiar.
And so that's why there's that discomfort there.
And so we spent so many years in our unhealthy patterns
from the trauma that we've experienced,
from the beliefs that we were, that got rooted and planted.
And those patterns started feeling normal.
And so now we're trying to break those patterns.
We're trying to break those habits.
You know, I'm teaching my kids right now
how to transition from school to summer mode,
but still staying responsible.
Like me and my husband just had to have a conversation
with our kids, like, hey, you're 10, almost 11,
14, almost 15, 16, almost 17.
We're gonna give you a little bit more freedom.
If you wanna stay up later,
we're gonna let you manage that.
But you are still going to be in the habit
of waking up at a decent hour.
You can't, you're not gonna stay up till midnight.
My 16 year old, I think he was up until like two
or three in the morning.
And I'm like, y'all aren't gonna stay up that late
and then think you're gonna, you know, wake up,
like wake up at noon.
Uh-uh, mama got a call today, y'all out of the house.
Doesn't happen.
I told them, I'm like, I was up all night working
and I don't think I went to bed
until like five or six in the morning.
I'm like, but my butt was still up at nine o'clock.
You still have responsibility, you have to get in the habit.
I'm like, there is, is it uncomfortable?
Yeah, it also been really uncomfortable
if I just didn't sleep at all.
So I had to make a choice, like,
and so it's really important that you're learning
to break certain patterns and habits.
And so there will be discomfort there.
There will be some stretching, some growing
because when God is teaching us something new,
it's not, there's gonna be vulnerability there.
It's gonna be awkward, okay?
So the question I'm gonna ask you,
what healthy thing might feel uncomfortable
just because it's new?
What is God highlighting to you now
that's something healthy for you to start working on
and it feels uncomfortable because it's just new.
It's not something you're used to.
Go ahead and share that in the chat
if you have something that comes up.
Because discomfort is not always a warning sign, ladies.
I want you to, again, I'm gonna repeat this.
It's evidence that you're growing.
beyond your old pattern and habits. Okay.
So continue to keep putting those things in the chat. I'm going to move on to our next
discomfort and that's going to be a healing discomfort. Okay. And what that is going to
look like is as you start dating, it's going to start surfacing some revealing for healings.
And so what that could look like is the man's taken longer to respond. If you have a date
that gets canceled, if someone's expressing interest at an accelerated pace, or if someone's
losing interest and not at the pace that you want, um, there's all different scenarios.
And I see that frequently with what you ladies are sharing.
Something is happening. The guy is showing up in some way, shape, or form, and it's revealing
something uncomfortable, a response in you. That's like, I don't like this.
That's where this is a healing, a healing discomfort because something deep is getting
activated. And so that might be a fear of rejection. It might be a fear of abandonment,
a fear of not being chosen, a fear of wasting time. That's a huge one. I mean, y'all I've been
coaching in here for almost three years. Now that waste of time is huge. Part of that, I think it's
just because we're women and we have, especially if we naturally want to be mothers or we just,
we naturally have that in us and we have a biological clock, if you will. So I like,
sometimes I wonder if that's just how we're programmed is to kind of feel like we're on a
time, a clock. Like, so we're worried about wasting time. We don't have all this time on earth,
you know, and I, and I get that, you know, that was, that was me. I was, you know,
I was hitting, getting up in my forties and I only, you know, I, I, I did have a child,
but I wasn't married, you know, like that was one area. And, you know, I could go on about that too,
about how some, how insecurity was living in me for not having been married and having a child
out of wedlock. Um, but that's a whole nother theme, um, that we won't get into, but it was,
I, I wanted another child. I thought I wanted to birth another child. And then I got this,
you know, Oh my gosh, am I going to have enough time? I'm not meeting anybody. What if I,
I can't get pregnant and blah, blah, blah, you know, all of those, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs,
I got to control this. And instead it was like, God's like, can you just, can you just release
this and let me get this covered? Like, just, I know your heart. I know your desire because I put
it there. I know you want more children. And God even told me I was going to have more kids.
I'm like, Oh, but I heard you. What if you don't deliver on that? And God's like, no, I,
I'm not a liar. He's like, and you know, ladies, he brought me all these dates of men who had
vasectomies and couldn't have kids or, or I would stating younger guys. And I was like, there's no,
like these guys don't want to chance it with someone who's almost in their forties or I had
a lot of Christian men didn't want to date a woman who was never married and had a kid already.
Like there was so many things that I could have been like, see God, you're not going to deliver.
Oh, that's not going to happen. Finally. Thankfully I was spending time with the Lord
when I met my husband, because I was ready to cut and run for my husband soon as I was introduced to
him. Like for weeks, I was like trying to find reasons to not meet up with him or to find
something wrong. And he had a vasectomy and I just kind of let all that go. Cause I was like,
oh, he lives in Texas and I live in Florida and I never really wanted to move anyway.
We ended up meeting in person and hit it off very, very well. Like after I got through several weeks
of me trying to overanalyze and control and do all of those things and having Jackie and many
of the women in the community, like talk me off the ledge and just be like, Carla, it's, it's a
date. It's not, you don't have to marry this man. I mean, lo and behold, I did, but it, I was
kind of fast forwarding all of the anxiousness.
before it needed to be there.
Like it didn't even need to be there.
And so when I, when we hit it off and we started talking
and we had the conversation as we were, you know
moving forward in a relationship that was leading
to exclusivity and looking at, you know,
potential engagement, the question did come up about kids.
And my husband was like, I'm not having more kids.
I've had his vasectomy, I'm not having more kids.
And he was very honest with me, he's like,
that is something that you really do need to decide
because he's like, that's not changing for me.
And I'm not going to keep you from that.
But if that's, I mean, he really was like
you need to go pray about that.
He didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.
Cause I had friends in my ears.
I mean, good friends.
I mean, some even were in this community.
Oh, well God can change his heart.
He can reverse that vasectomy.
And God was like, no, you don't need to listen
to that noise, you come to me.
And I was like, okay, I hear you.
And God spoke to me and he's like,
Carla, you did hear me correctly.
I said, you were going to have more kids.
You just assumed that you were going to birth them.
And I never told you, you were going to birth them.
But he's got two kids
and they don't have a mother on this earth
but I've chosen you to be their mother.
Those kids need you.
I've made you all for a purpose on purpose.
He's like, it doesn't look the way you thought it was
but it doesn't mean that my promise is void.
I'm still delivering on my promise.
You have to trust me.
Y'all, that was the biggest mic drop
in band-aid rip or like, sometimes I like to think sometimes
Jesus loves me, but sometimes I sometimes feel
like he likes to just kind of like
give me like a little smack in the face,
like a loving parent, like, you know,
honey, a little pat on the butt, like sort of thing.
And so that was like, oh, wow.
Okay.
I had to work and grow in that.
I don't even know where,
like I wasn't even gonna tell that story.
So that was Holy Spirit right there.
And now I just got to pick up where I left off.
So again, sorry about that ladies.
Hopefully that spoke to somebody,
but going back, healing, discomfort
and that temptation is, we're going to have that temptation
to make the discomfort about our situation.
And sometimes it's just not about the situation.
It's about God is going to reveal something
that is getting activated deeper
that he wants to heal in us.
And a lot of that for me was trusting the timing,
trusting God with the control.
And that's what he was growing in.
And then once I got through that,
then I fully was able to receive that gift
and hold the capacity of what marriage looks like.
And so coaching question for you all now,
I'm gonna go back and look at what y'all responded
to the last one.
Is the discomfort coming from what is happening right now
in the situation in that moment?
So this is a question you might be asking
when you feel the discomfort
and maybe you are feeling discomfort right now.
So this might be a question for you.
Or is the discomfort revealing something
that has been living in your heart for a long time?
Because dating won't create the wound,
it often reveals it.
God cannot heal what we refuse to acknowledge.
Ladies, if you avoid acknowledging it, it won't go away.
I was in this community for a handful of months
dodging some of the discomfort.
So I say that from a place of experience,
not a place of criticism or condemnation
or trying to put you in a place of shame.
I'm saying it because I lived it.
I avoided it.
I didn't wanna look at it.
It was uncomfortable.
I didn't want to go there, okay?
But I wouldn't be doing.
my job as your coach, if I wasn't transparent and saying, Hey, God wants you healed more
than you want to be married. And he's going to do it. All right. No matter how stubborn
you are. All right. And I know because I'm stubborn and, um, yeah. And those, those wounds
aren't there because of the situation you're in. They're there because they happened and
got rooted. And so those things will continue to show up. And then if you get married, it's
going to show up in your marriage too. So be prepared for it to get revealed one way
or another. It's just going to be a lot easier to handle it now than to keep carrying it
and handling it when you're in a covenant, because that now you're, you're in a covenant,
you're in a relationship with someone and, and it's not just about you anymore. Okay.
So, okay. I'm going to go back and see what some of you ladies have posted and then, um,
if everybody can go ahead and mute, I think some people are, are, are not muted. Um, let's
see. I hear many people say that are the challenges about marriage specific or about life and
relationship generally. So Fran, are you still here with us, Fran? Hi. Um, I see you now. Um,
challenges in marriage. I mean, it's, it's some stuff is about life and some of it is a
relationship. I mean, it is relationship. It is marriage is the most intimate relationship
that you will find yourself in, in, on, on this side of heaven. It is when I think of marriage,
it really is the perfect image of God, like besides our relationship with God, which is
like the most important, the next relationship is that marriage is that marriage relationship,
obviously God and yourself, but then it's that sacrificial relational love. It's that
submissive love. It's like all of those things, like all wrapped into one. And it's, it's a,
it's a growing, it's a refining it's that iron sharpens iron. It's, you know, it's,
you know, my, my husband was married before and he was in a marriage that was a really
challenging marriage, um, for 11 years. So he has the experience of like, look, it's
when you're in it, you're in it for death. Do you part? And, and for him, that's what happened.
Like his late, his wife passed away. Um, and he, he would have stuck through it, but it was,
it was hard. It was challenging for him. And so now God has used his walk, his situation,
everything that happened, he's, he's getting a redemption story out of it. He's getting to
reconcile things. He's getting to redeem things that were stolen from the previous. He's getting
to, um, correct things and repent from things that he did prior. Like he's getting to break
off things that, you know, he held onto because that restoration is coming now into what God wants
to bring him with this marriage now. And I'm getting the same thing with some of my past
relationships. And so it, it is really, it it's all encompassing. I don't know if that answers
your question. I, we can always talk about a little later if you want a little bit more detail,
but, um, I hope that gives y'all a little bit of a framework. Um, um, it could be both one or the
other. Usually God shows you something. He does it for a reason. It could be informative to equip
you to handle a situation. Um, it could be convictions so you can repent. I love that.
I got to show me a lot of that this week. I actually even just had a conversation
with my husband about, and our kids about conviction versus condemnation and conviction
leads us to repentance. Um, and, um, when we have condemnation and shame, it actually, it,
it, it doesn't lead us to that. So, um, that's good lean into the Lord and receive his healing.
What are you being taught here is valuable and will prepare you for this process you
encounter in marriage. It's absolutely nothing to fear. In fact, what Carla is teaching is very
instructive for this process. I look back at my single life prior to marriage and realize how
specific God was.
to show me things that needed to be revealed before I met my husband.
I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Who was that from, Peggy?
Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
Good, good stuff.
I love it. Good, good, good.
OK, so we got those two now.
The last one is the discomfort.
That is actually a warning sign.
OK, so I don't want you ladies to.
Discount that.
There are red flags.
There are times when there is something uncomfortable
and God is going to
give you discomfort for some discernment. OK.
There will be times that your your spirit's
going to notice something and it's important.
OK, I want you ladies to be mindful of.
Are you frequently leaning to that that you're not looking at the other two?
OK, I I can frequently lean on my discernment gifts.
And. Like oftentimes believe
like I'm always having to be on alert.
And while the discernment is there to give us the warning
and the alertness so we can pray into it and we can, you know,
can we plan and prepare and trust and, you know, take the action steps
that are needed.
We have to be mindful that it's not.
Distorting what God is really also trying to do,
and he could be trying to heal us.
He could be trying to grow us.
It may not be a warning sign.
It may be something else.
And so I don't want us to neglect the other two.
But I also don't want you to discount.
That discomfort can be a warning sign, too.
OK, so examples of when it's going to be a warning sign is when you're seeing
repeated inconsistency.
If someone is.
Someone is.
Violating boundaries.
If there's manipulation occurring.
Pressure.
Y'all, this one comes up often.
You will find a lot of it.
Oh, yeah, I'm so open to waiting for marriage and.
Month or two in.
Oh, they start changing their story.
They start prompting and asking other questions.
They start, you know, and then there's feels this pressure.
Oh, I mean, I've had it where women have.
You know, gotten to know someone,
and then it comes out that someone has struggled with pornography.
And there have been some men that have shared that they struggle with pornography,
and they have been teachable and open and holding themselves accountable,
and they've been doing the work and they are getting healing.
And they're not relying on the person that they're dating to heal that area.
They're already doing the work.
They're already holding themselves accountable.
They're already owning that part.
I've walked women through that.
One lady that I coach frequently one-on-one now, she's engaged now.
It happened for her.
And he is he's got someone he's accountable to.
It's not something that he's had an issue with for several years.
They've had some things that have come up,
and they've been able to talk through them.
There's been grace and space for it.
He's been open and honest about it.
He is showing consistent, healthy behavior.
It can happen.
I've also coached women that find this out.
And then the man is like, oh, I need you to help me be accountable.
No, that is not okay.
Then, oh, well, if you know, I mean, I could tell you story after story,
but I don't want I want us to try to stay as much on time as possible
because I literally said I was going to try to do that.
So that's an example of a warning sign.
Lack of integrity, emotional instability in the hot and cold behavior.
This you don't want to ignore that discomfort.
You just want to get curious about it.
This is when you are going to slow down and gather information.
You're going to watch for the patterns.
One moment.
Doesn't mean it's a warning sign.
You slow down.
It's a caution.
And you start looking like, okay, I'm going to discern
growth, healing and warning.
Chrissy, that's what it was.
You're looking for the patterns.
You're not going to jump from one incident
and draw a conclusion.
You're not going to just draw an assumption.
This is why pacing is important in those level two,
getting to know you.
This is why we don't want you attaching quickly
and deep diving into sharing information
that's not necessary.
You want to keep some things surface level.
You don't want to be talking every day.
You really do want to pace that, okay?
So your coaching question for this is,
is this discomfort inviting me to grow
or is this asking me to pay attention to something?
It's asking you to pay attention.
This is when you slow down, get curious,
gather more information.
And ladies, I'm going to tell you,
this is when you want to like,
you ladies need to be showing up in community here.
We are your blind spots.
We are here to help, okay?
Okay, just a couple more things.
Conviction versus condemnation.
One of the most important questions
that you're going to want to ask yourself is,
what is the discomfort producing?
This is important, okay?
Discomfort is going to produce one of two things.
It's going to either produce condemnation,
shame, guilt, all that stuff.
And that's going to sound like you're failing,
you're behind, you're doing something wrong.
You're not going to get this right.
You're not ready for marriage.
You're never going to get married.
Nobody's going to choose you.
That is all coming from the enemy.
That is all shame, guilt, condemnation.
That's what the discomfort is producing.
You need to recognize that
because that's some deeper hard work stuff.
That's some identity stuff.
Or the discomfort is going to produce conviction.
Okay, because the condemnation
is going to push you away from God.
It's going to get you not to trust him.
That was me.
I did not have a lot of,
one, I didn't trust people.
Most certainly didn't trust men.
Most certainly didn't trust God.
So I had a lot of areas I had to work on.
I had a lot of that discomfort
caused a lot of condemnation
and pushed me away from God.
Really had me attaching
to some of those lies and disbeliefs
that got rooted early, early, early on
in my life through other things.
Conviction is going to draw you towards God.
And that's going to sound like,
hey, let's look at this.
Okay, there's something here
I want to show you.
I want you to learn something.
There's something here
I want to heal in you.
Come closer to me.
You're my daughter.
You're precious.
I love you.
I have good gifts for you.
That's what you're looking for.
Okay?
If the discomfort shows up,
you need to ask yourself,
is it pushing me away from God
or towards him?
Is it leading me to condemnation
or conviction?
If it's condemnation, don't hide.
Share it with us.
Let us work through
heartwork stuff with you.
That's what we're here for.
And it doesn't mean that
that relationship that's showing up
doesn't mean that it's not like
the guy is not a healthy guy,
even if you really like him
or whatever have you.
Y'all, I'm married,
and I can tell you
there have been some things
that have come up in me
that have led me to condemnation.
That doesn't mean that
I chose the wrong husband.
It just means God is like,
I'm using this relationship,
and you're in a safe place
to have relationship.
Because guess what?
My relationship with God
does not go away.
I still have to prioritize
my intimate relationship
with the Lord.
I cannot idolize my husband.
My relationship with my husband
isn't first.
My relationship with God is.
And when I wasn't doing that, a lot of that revealing for healing came because I was not
able to trust God.
So I had to get right with him.
I had to heal some things between me and God.
And now I'm blessed and I'm thankful and my testimony is it's bearing fruit and abundance
in my marriage because I'm choosing to work on me.
I'm not asking my husband to change because I feel a certain way.
I'm going to the Lord and saying, help me build this relationship with you, with the
struggles I have with you, God, heal me.
And I get, I get that invitation.
And then the last thing I'm going to say is staying in the process is going to matter.
Ladies like the one thing I'm noticing coaching in this community and walking in this community
is that the women who experienced the greatest exhilarations are the ones that don't avoid
the discomfort.
Don't be afraid to show up in the discomfort.
Don't run, just like keep showing up, ask the questions, stay vulnerable, do all the
things, you know, let some band-aids come off.
You know, I'm I'm the band-aid ripper.
I am.
All right, I'm the mama that's going to let me get it right off.
Like bite, bite a pillow, squeeze my hand, if you have to, I'll give you my
hand while I rip your band-aid off.
You can squeeze my hand as hard as you need to.
I'm here for you, OK?
Because I have seen and I have done the hard work and I see what it produces.
And the love stories that come from it, y'all are going to be so excited, you're gonna be
like, oh, my gosh, I'm so thankful that I did this.
I'm glad it only hurt for a minute.
All right, so I really hope that this has given you some encouragement to, you know,
just remind you it's not about staying.
It's not about being comfortable.
It's about being, you know, it's about being comfortable in the uncomfortable, like it's
not about, you know, trying to make that feeling go away.
It's really about like inviting God into what he's asking you to partner with him in.
And so don't run.
Get curious.
Stay surrendered, supernatural surrender that y'all learn that phase one and partner with
God.
OK, ladies.
So I got five hands, so we're going to get through these right short, brief and powerful.
It's almost day on task.
And then our activation is going to be a stretch and discern challenge.
You're going to choose one healthy stretch this week.
It doesn't have to be anything big, OK?
It's just pick something that feels uncomfortable that but it's going to align with growth.
OK, some examples, you can go on a date, OK?
Maybe you haven't been on a date and you're like, OK, I'm going to stretch myself.
I'm going to go on a date.
Maybe it's updating your dating profile.
Maybe it is jumping on online.
Maybe it's setting a boundary.
Maybe it's setting a boundary with a family member.
Maybe it's setting a boundary with a friend.
It doesn't have to be dating, OK?
What is something God wants to grow you in?
And it's you're going to you're going to step into some discomfort, OK?
Maybe it's receiving help.
Maybe it's getting vulnerable in the app and in showing up more frequently in our app.
I want you to do something that God is just prompting you specifically, OK?
Doesn't have to look a certain way.
So do the stretch and then you are going to you're not going to the goal is not going
to be to eliminate that discomfort immediately.
You're going to sit in that journal, pray, come here, let us know what's going on.
And you will learn from it.
And I want you to identify what kind of discomfort it is.
Is it a growth?
discomfort. Is it a healing discomfort or is it a discernment discomfort like that warning sign?
Okay. Um, and then you're going to share that in our app. So I will get that posted later tonight,
um, probably between eight, nine o'clock, um, that's central. So probably like nine,
10 o'clock after the ladies had their evening call. Cause I don't want to give the activation
too soon. So I will post that, um, later this evening. So you'll have that. Um, but okay.
I got a few more questions. So now we definitely we're moving, moving and grooving. Okay. Dana,
Lucy, Fran, I got you three. And then we're going to try to make room for Cynthia, Nancy, Peggy,
and Donna. Um, if you want ladies, um, put your question in the chat. Cause I will go and snag
those before I log off. Cause I can always address those in the app if I need to. Okay.
Or I can address them. Um, if there's time and you have to jump off. Okay. Um, but I'm gonna,
I, I think we should at least have time for Dana, Lucy, and Fran, but Cynthia, Nancy, Peggy,
and Donna put them in the chat. We're going to do our best to get through everybody.
How are you Dana? What's your question? Um, hi Carla. Um, it's not so much a question. Um,
my I've had some health challenges, which is why I haven't been around in the last
month. And later this week, I will find out if, um,
I'll find out if I have cancer along with a whole bunch of other stuff and, um, sometimes I'm okay.
And I'm not really scared, but today I'm really scared. So I don't know what I need.
I'm going to pray for you. Can I pray for you?
I'm going to pray for you. Can I pray for you? Yes, please.
Heavenly father. I just, I lift up our sister Dana father to you,
Lord. I just ask that you comfort her heart.
Give her the peace that surpasses all understanding. Lord,
Lord, you are healer.
You are our doctor.
You are the great physician father. You can produce miracles and
you've already healed Dana.
And Lord, I just ask that, that healing be
that healing be manifested here on earth. Father
Lord, I, I thank you that she has you, her source in moments where there is discomfort father,
but you don't leave us. You don't forsake us. You are in the storm with us.
And so father, I just, I thank you that Dana is here with us and that she is continuing to
grow and heal and stay open and being vulnerable
and reaching out here in community for support. Lord, I just ask that you remind her. She has
a massive community that's here to support her and lift her up. We are here every day praying.
We are lifting her up every day. She doesn't have to be alone. Not only are you with her,
but you have brought her angels to walk this season with her Lord. And I just,
I even thank you for the time that when I was in this community
and one of the sisters that I built relationship with,
she was experiencing something very, very similar Lord.
And I'm so thankful for the testimony and the power and the miracle that happened through her.
And that same story, if it can happen to her, it's going to happen for Dana. Lord, there is nothing
No weapon the enemy tries to use against us that you cannot use to prosper us, Lord.
You turn all things for your good, and I thank you for that, Father.
Lord, I ask that you speak to the women in this community and highlight certain women
that will speak to Dana, that will reach out to Dana, that Dana will have certain women
highlighted to her, that women will feel Dana highlighted to them, and that they step into
some discomfort and they reach out and they connect, Lord.
Lord, I just pray and I just really truly believe that this is an opportunity for you
just to grow healing and community, that there's women in here that need healing and community
and in this season, that's what you're going to bring, Father.
Lord, I thank you that we don't have to do this alone and that we get to be with you
and with each other.
In Jesus' mighty name, amen.
Dana, we got you, girl.
Thank you for sharing.
That's discomfort.
That's hard, ladies.
That's hard to share.
And we got you.
Anytime you feel that weight, reach out.
Okay.
Thank you.
Yes, I will.
Thank you.
All right.
You're welcome.
All right, Lucy.
How are you?
Glad to see you.
I don't know if you're able to unmute.
Yes.
Sorry.
It's tricky.
I was desperately trying to unmute.
Yes.
So, hi.
It's good to see everybody.
Yes.
So, here's my question.
I posted in the group a long time ago and I'm not sure if it, I reached out to a serious
boyfriend of mine from 12 years ago.
Okay.
He was, yeah, we had been serving overseas in a country.
His visa had ended.
He dated me long distance, nine months, and then was, had flown all the way back.
Anyway, it's a whole story, but he was, yeah, on the verge of moving back to my country
and had made repeated trips back to see me.
And I broke his heart because I broke up because I was scared.
So, after doing a lot of healing and heart work, I realized that the one person that
consistently was always in my mind to reach out to is him.
So, I did.
Things basically didn't go anywhere until a guy friend told me like, hey, you should
actually let him know why you've reached out because you're in a danger zone in his brain.
You broke his heart 12 years ago massively.
And so, I did.
And he actually was in the U.S. in LAX two weeks ago, and I said I'd be willing to see
him as a friend because he had said he's not really in a season of dating.
He has a lot of fear towards dating and moving toward marriage.
So, I said, and I just felt faith to say like, okay, I can go see you as a friend who's important
to me because God has me in my love story, and I won't look to you for that.
Anyways, we immediately reconnected.
It was like so easy, and both of us were shocked at just how easy it felt and peaceful and
wonderful.
So, he still has that fear to work through, and I've been watching him do intentional
things, very slow paced, but very intentional.
He paid for my flights.
He's done, you know, he first of all wanted to see me.
He has been sending voice memos, which he felt very scared of, but he knows I prefer.
So, I'm seeing those things, and the pace feels annoyingly slow to me, and I'm also
saying things like I like video calls, and he's like hasn't stepped out to do that yet,
and we only saw each other again three weeks ago.
So, that's where we are, and I'm wondering what's realistic to expect in this stage,
and yeah, and he does have great mentors in his life.
So, I'm like, Lord.
Yeah.
So, see, there's some history here, so it's going to look a little different, ladies,
so this coaching will be a bit different, okay, because there's history there, and I
love that you are acknowledging.
being like, Hey, I broke his heart. I had some fears. I'm
owning it. I'm I've done hard work. I'm acknowledging it.
You're not running from the acknowledgement of what you
you're holding yourself accountable. And so that's
important. Okay. So there is going to be that season
realistically of allowing someone space and grace is going
like, and we don't know what that's going to look like.
Right? So it's going to stretch you. You're going to like
you're noticing like, well, I want this and I want that
because you've worked through the hard work piece of what you
were experiencing. The hard work that you work through, you can
expect someone else to have worked at the same pace and rate
and time that you did. So it really is a discomfort of really
releasing him to God. You spending this time to really
focus in on continuing your healing in that recognizing any
triggers that led you because it's one thing when we can go
through hard work and recognize in hindsight when we're out of
the situation and recognize where, where did I, where did I
make mistakes? Well, like we can go and process through it
because we're not in that moment. Yeah. We're not feeling
the feels. The emotion isn't there. It's not heightened.
Okay. Because we've, we've moved out of that because we're not
that situation's not in it. Yeah. I have just now noticed
and this is distracting me that my I've got, it's probably my
computer. It literally moves and zones me out. So weird.
Sorry. That like, see, okay. I'm just not going to look at
myself. I didn't notice until now because I don't typically
look at myself. All right. Squirrel. So yeah, you it's,
it's going to look different because it really is you having
to allow someone else to heal at their own pace and he's going to
be the one. So one, he's the man and two, he's the one that
got hurt. So he's going to be kind of the one in charge of
leading the pace of that. But you, that doesn't mean that you
don't, don't get to have a voice and get to share. Honestly, I
don't want what to happen is that you turn your voice off and
don't share because of fear of hurting him again. Keep that in
mind. Do not fall into that trap that you now don't speak up
because you're afraid of hurting him. Yeah. We hurt people when
we are not honest. Yeah. That's not being honest is, is not
kind. And sometimes our honesty doesn't feel nice. Nice and
kind. Not the same thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. So give
yourself the grace and space. Give him some grace and space.
Really focus on your season and your intimacy with the Lord. Be
focused and don't be intentional about your own
triggers. Be open to the fact that there's going to be other
layers of your own healing and your acknowledgement and your
ownership of what, what the past relationship was like for
you. You'll hear Jackie talk about full circle moments, you
know, X's coming back together and, and reconnecting and
reconciling which has happened in our community. But it
happens when there's been healing and growth and change
in both people. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's communication is
important. So make sure that you are communicating. Okay. Yeah.
He opened that communication.
and might look different for him. There might be some insecurity there. Yeah. Give a lot
of grace. Don't neglect yourself at the same time. I would say really stay tied into community.
I'm very thankful that you're back. Thank you. That's huge. Having this community to
walk through this season with you will be a gift. Thanks, Karla. You're welcome. Thank
you so much. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Hey, Fran, how are you? Hi,
I'm good. How are you? Good. So my question is, I've never passed a second date with a
guy. I think I'd like to gain some insight as to why. And so that is my question. So when you
have never passed, well, I actually have passed a second date with maybe two or three guys. But
generally speaking, it's just one date and then that's it. So yeah, I don't know if you have any
insight to provide. I do. You want to know why? Because I oftentimes had one date and it never
went to a second date. My time and heart work often was that. And so I relate to that. What
is surfacing in you and what are some of the thoughts and beliefs that are coming up in you
that is repeating for you? Like what is the core thing that is making you want to focus on this?
Oh, I want to get married and I want to have kids. So I need to pass the second date and the third.
Okay. So what's the fear? What's the anxious thought? What's the belief? What are you believing?
Specifically to that, I don't know. But yeah, my fear would be to just five years from now,
look back and be like, I'm in the same spot and I haven't moved. So that's the biggest fear. And
that's the reason why I took this program. So the fear is maybe the time?
Yeah. I'm 36 years old, so I need to get going.
Girl, like that was me. That was me. You're speaking my language. Yeah, I totally relate
to that. What will be good for you in this season is I'm hearing the self-awareness piece.
It is really getting vulnerable and honest with the deep feeling and emotion that's tied
with what is going to happen if it doesn't happen quickly. What does that look like?
Really kind of spending time and saying, okay, what were the roots of some of this stuff?
What is my biggest fear? What am I most afraid of? Am I going to run out of time? Is it that
I'm not going to get to have kids? Is it that I don't trust that God's going to deliver? Is it
that I don't think there's a man out there for me? I want you to start spending time, journal,
get specific. When you go on dates, do you ever take time to journal what the date was like?
What you were feeling, what you experienced, what your behavior and actions were,
how they showed up and how you responded? Do you do any sort of journaling or processing?
Are you an external processor? Are you an internal processor? I know I just asked you
a bunch of questions. I'm going to stop there and let you respond.
In terms of my fear, I think I'm aware that my main fear is not being able to have kids.
The companionship piece is there, but I think it's very minimal. If there was no biological
clock, I would be waiting and just trusting that it will happen at some point. But because there
is the biological clock, that's the fear. Do you have plans of what you want your
life to look like? Would you say that? I always wanted to have children.
I always felt that it was going to happen naturally.
I mean, that's what you do.
You know, you grow up, you get a job,
you get married, you have children and the cycle repeats.
But it's not as easy, it seems now.
So
so that's that in terms of
taking time to think after my dates.
No, I don't do that, but I do that
not right after a date, but I think
generally speaking, when I think about my situation and I go in
to just reflect and understand.
I know that most of my dates,
for most of my dates, physical attraction was not there.
So I know that it's a big part.
But getting a second date is not just doesn't just fall on me.
It also falls on the other person.
And do they?
Do they follow up?
So sometimes they do, and it's it's just me not wanting to move further.
But sometimes they just don't they just don't.
There's nothing like.
Yeah.
OK, so my advice and my encouragement to you is
how long have you been in phase two with us?
I started phase two at the end of April, so it's been OK, four or five weeks.
Yeah, it's not been long at all.
Are you in a season where you can put some intentional time to
showing up in the community and and being able to process through
some details of what you're experiencing on your dates?
What do you mean, just posting and just let us know what happens on the date,
like, hey, this is I met this guy, this is what we talked about.
This is what we did.
This is what my thoughts are.
These are the things that came up.
These are things I liked.
These are things I didn't just and you can go on the app and kind
of see how some other ladies do it, what naturally comes to you when you're
just like like if you're sharing with your girlfriends.
Like you share about my date, what did I do?
And let us I want to start seeing a snapshot of that.
So let Ebony and I can start seeing that and we can look for
certain things that are showing up and seeing if there's anything that
we see being highlighted and that will help us coach you better.
Does that sound like something that you are able to?
Commit to.
I think so.
I'm getting to like the challenge that Jackie sent was to get seven dates.
So I'm at five.
That's amazing.
I just have two more to go.
Girl, four or five weeks and you've got that girl.
I didn't get my seven dates for over a year.
So you're you're doing great.
So, yeah, just let us know like what those dates look like.
What are you experiencing?
Just it is kind of there might be some stretching and some vulnerability.
Like this is where that discomfort might be.
Like sharing some of those like details or not.
Like especially when it's a bunch of us that we don't like we're all on video.
We all live in different areas of the world.
And so kind of opening up and letting people see that can be intimidating,
but.
I will share that this having been in this community now over five years,
this is a very safe and sacred space that we really, really cherish and hold
hold that space.
That's extremely important.
And it's also one of the reasons why there is success here,
because it allows us to have that connection and it allows us to be able to see each
other's blind spots and pour those things in.
Like, I want to be able to
give you insight of like why it is that people don't move from more than one date.
It's.
It's different for everybody.
It really is.
And so until I can see.
What?
Shows up for you on dates like what what things you're reserved about, what what
guys you're what guys you're attracted to, what do you like, what do you not like,
what's showing up, how are your responses to those things?
That will tell us a lot.
So
I'm going to ask you to start there.
And if it's a stretch, even if it's just one post a week.
OK, now.
don't like, I don't want you to feel overwhelmed by it. This
this might if that if this is that discomfort, I want you to
sit and process that and it's okay. Let us know. We're gonna
go at your pace. But we're here to help you. We're here to help
give you insight and help unlock anything that God wants to
reveal and and share that with you. Sound good? Thank you. You
are so welcome. All right. I see Cynthia, you posted your
question, Nancy, Peggy and Donna, if you can go ahead and
post your question as well. I'm about 10 minutes over. So I am
going to go ahead and cut us off. So if you can post your
question real quick in the chat, and I'll pull that off.
And then I'll see what I can try to post in the app specifically.
So be on the lookout for that. Or if you don't want to post it
here in the chat, you can make an additional post in the app
yourself. And then myself and Ebony can respond to that. And
then also Ebony is on this evening at eight o'clock
central. So that is always an option as well. I know a lot of
you ladies are doing the book club with Jackie, which is
exciting. I think my book is finally coming today, which I'm
super excited about. It got held up for like a little while but
oh my goodness, this new computer, I cannot figure this
out. I'm gonna have to figure something out. I definitely want
to be able to pull anything that I missed. Okay, so Nancy, you're
going to post in the app. Okay, Peggy, definitely. My schedule
is on there. And I'll go look at my schedule as well, just to
make sure that it really is like, set up. Because my son
has a baseball tournament this week, and I blocked off several
days, but I got game times. So I can honestly like open up more,
I don't have to block off the whole day because I know exact
times. So I'm going to go update that today. That's actually on
one of my post it notes. So I will make sure to do that. So if
you're looking at the resource tab and looking at the hire a
coach, and this goes for any ladies, that's if you're looking
to hire a coach that is under the resource tab. But if you
give me like an hour to go update my schedule, I can do
that. And yep, Nancy, you're going to be in the book club.
That's awesome. Okay, in the book club, you're not supposed
to date. Okay, I love it. Sounds good. Well, good thing
this challenge, I don't know if Sarah's still on in this
challenge. And this discomfort, you can find something to get
uncomfortable with, without dating. Girl, I know you can.
All right. Cynthia, I'm gonna get I'm gonna pull your question
and make sure I grab that. And so I will do my best to grab
that and respond to you in our app. Does that sound good?
Awesome. Yeah, because the and you have the situation. So I am
definitely going to want an update from you. Because I know
we talked a little bit last week. So yeah, definitely.
We'll, we'll put that. Yes. Okay. Okay. So yeah, I'll go
and do the best I can to answer your response in the app. And
then if you need to set up one on one coaching, you do that. Or
if you want to be like, we can, you know, kind of go back and
forth in the app as well. That's not going to be more of like
the right here right now. It like it's the time sometimes
it's like, you know, takes a little bit longer, but it's
available. Okay. I was let ladies know because some people
are like, well, I just want to sort this out. Like I want to
know now. So I want you ladies to be able to decide what is the
best scenario for you, what's going to give you the most peace
and relief, and what situation works best for you. So okay, I
grabbed that. So I will go look at that a little bit later and
get that up. And ladies, it was such an honor, such a pleasure.
And I look forward to catching up with y'all over throughout the
week, and then seeing y'all next week. All right, take care.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai