WEBVTT

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Hello, ladies. How are y'all tonight? Good? Good. I have something that I want to make

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sure I make this announcement to y'all so I don't want to forget. Couple of housekeeping

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announcements. Let's see. Hello, welcome to all our newest members. Let me put this on

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to see if I have some new people here. I'm so concerned about not missing this. Oh, it's

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just a few of us. So hey, I know everybody. Hey, Amanda, and I didn't get a chance to

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speak to you, Amanda, last time. Hello. How have you been?

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Good, good. I'm not really a talker. I usually like to write long posts in the community.

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Yeah. I won't make you talk. I just wanted to say hello. Hey, Jessica, is this your first

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time with us, Jessica McVeigh or no? This is my second week.

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Second. How are you adjusting? Have you had an opportunity to watch any of the teachings?

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Like I just watched like the first video. Okay. The kickoff video?

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I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're so happy to have you. Hope you felt no pressure when

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I said that. You do not have to watch the video to come to coaching. I was just trying

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to see how your journey was going. You were like, oh, no, that's not the way I wanted

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it to go. I was checking in on you. So I'm glad. Welcome to phase two. It is an exciting,

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exciting phase. It is part of the plan that gets you to the end result, right? And so

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we're excited for you to get started, get started dating and start getting an opportunity to

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express the healing that you've received in hard work through getting to know others.

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I think it is the best, simplest way we can put that. Yeah. Sarah is in the house.

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Are you like a superstar around here, girl? I haven't seen you.

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And do I have a question tonight? And she comes with questions.

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Is it, how do you say your name? Your name is spelled Y-B-E-L-I-S-E.

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It's Ivelisse. Ivelisse. Is this your first time with us, Ivelisse?

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It's, well, I've popped in here and there a couple of times, but I'm wanting to

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get more consistent on Tuesdays. Uh-huh. Well, I'm happy to have you.

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Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Yay. Okay. Well, you ladies are rolling on up here and

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that makes me happy. I'm trying to see, this is the, uh, uh, Jackie messaging.

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Give me one second. Okay. So Jackie was doing a sneak peek for, um, us for the Modern Dating

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Sucks. We already did one special session. She was doing another one on this upcoming Thursday.

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You guys should have been expecting it this week, but, um, it's going to be moved to next Thursday

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evening. Okay. Yeah. The special session two is going to be moved to next Thursday.

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Yep. So that means the phase two, um, sneak peek will be next Thursday. Okay.

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Okay. We got it. If you got it, you got it. All right. So let's see about these other updates

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before we get into this very interesting, one of the challenging teachings for me, myself, honestly.

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Um, uh, you guys know that, um, if you ever need more detailed coaching, you can always book a

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lovely coach. Um, we're always happy to help you grow. Um, I've already welcomed new individuals.

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I'm just trying to make sure if you hadn't got Jackie's book, I heard, I've been hearing that

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it's amazing. Um, I haven't started reading it yet, but it is a must on my to-do list.

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Um, I heard that it's a very easy read that it brings so much clarity. And so, um, Jackie is

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amazing. Now I'll praise her just because I get the privilege of joining her, working for her

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in this movement. But then I'll also praise her because she is absolutely amazing. She,

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she carries the word of the Lord and what she produces is really, really good.

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There's not one of her teachings that I don't listen to. Like I've never heard it before.

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You will think I don't.

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these years you would think I've never heard Jackie. Every time I hear her talk, I listen to

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her as if I never heard her before. And nothing that she says gets old or boring to me. And it

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always comes with a challenge. And so that's how I feel about it. And so I think that the book is

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amazing and that you guys should get your hands on it because I've been hearing some really great

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things about it. And I'll be done reading it soon. So then you'll hear a lot more about it.

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Um, so got it. All right. So, um, we're going to open up in prayer, even though

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we kind of already opened Jesus. I thank you for these ladies. I thank you for their destiny.

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I thank you, Lord God, that he who began a great work in them is faithful to complete it.

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I thank you that this is a great work. I thank you, Lord God, that this is one of

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the most important works that's going to happen in their life because how they show up in their

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marriage is determined on what happens on the inside of their heart, the skills that they

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develop in the way they allow you to stretch them. And so with that being said, I just release

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a stretching anointing over each and every one of these women, allow them to become bendable

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and pliable Lord God, so that you can give them the desires of your heart. Lord God, you always

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desire to give them your very, very best. And so I thank you for positioning them for the best that

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the kingdom has for them in Jesus name. Amen. All right. So tonight we're going to talk about

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something that happens in dating that we don't highlight a lot, but it's a real thing.

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And it's called discomfort. You feel it, but all the times you don't recognize that it is actually

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just discomfort. And so what do we mean discomfort? Sometimes in dating or any situation,

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sometimes we can confuse this comfort for is wrong, but discomfort, oftentimes I've never

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been in a process with the Lord. I've never grown in something that did not require discomfort.

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So imagine that you go back to the gym and you maybe go to the gym and you've never been in a

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year and you've never been in your life and you started working out and you get home and you're

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so, have you ever worked out with a trainer before? And you couldn't even sit on the toilet

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from doing them squats and you be pissed. You can't even get in the bed. I be saying,

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I bet you I won't go back. I can't get on the toilet and pee. I do not need to be going to

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this person, but I don't get home and say, Oh, I must've did something wrong.

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I'm sore. I must've did something wrong when I went to the gym.

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We all know that when we go to the gym and we work a new muscle group that we're going to be

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sore and we don't believe that we did something wrong. We know that's the process of ripping the

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muscles so they can rebuild. And that's how it kind of happens in dating. The Lord likes to rip

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up some of those muscles so he can rebuild. And oftentimes what happens in this very uncomfortable,

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discomforting situation is that either we think something is wrong or we walk away from it

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because it's not how it, how we want it to look, or we make a judgment of God that is incorrect.

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Hear me when it doesn't happen, when we think it ought to happen, that's discomfort.

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When it doesn't feel good to get up and try again, it's discomfort because I guarantee you

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if one band didn't work and you had a line of them lining up outside your door,

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they met all of your qualifications, you'll say, welp, on to the next one. I know it didn't work,

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buddy, but it's okay. There's another one right here. Have you ever dated a guy and then it's

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like, oh, it splashed to the ground or maybe you were really excited, you had a good conversation

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and he ghosted you. And then you're like, well, I'm just going to get back on the dating app and

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scroll till I found somebody else. Like you just start scrolling. You don't allow yourself to sit

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in the discomfort of what just happened to you because it don't feel good. Are y'all tracking

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with me? Anybody ever did that? It don't feel good. Or you fill it with cookies or ice cream or cake.

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You feel the discomfort with something. That's what we're talking about tonight.

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And one of the things that's interesting, and I think I mentioned this now,

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in order to grow, discomfort is required. And I was at a women's prayer gathering in Dallas this

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weekend. And they asked us to come to the altar and just ask the Lord to come into our hearts,

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these places where we've fallen short of whatever idols we may be harboring in our hearts,

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the things we go to instead of God, those things. And the Lord told me, he said,

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Ebony, you have an idol of discomfort. And he said that every time something gets uncomfortable.

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So we won't say every time because he didn't say every time because there are things that

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are allowed to be stretched in my life.

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but because I don't want to withstand the discomforting process," he said,

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when you don't want to withstand discomfort, you gain weight because you eat your way out

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of your discomfort. He said, you keep weight around because you refuse to be uncomfortable.

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You don't sit in processes because you refuse to be uncomfortable. Your nervous system is on high,

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so you need something to comfort you. You need somebody to change. You need something to change

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because you just won't sit in it. Discomfort is not the idol. Comfort is your idol.

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You want comfort by any means necessary, and I've come to make you uncomfortable.

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He says, there's a scripture that says, we'll be planted like a tree by the rivers and waters,

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but we'll bear fruit in all season. He said, the only way that a righteous can stand and

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bear fruit in all season is if they could stand in uncomfortable situations. He says,

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I want to design you and build you in such a way that you are unmovable, unshakable, and unstoppable,

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and that's what the kingdom of God produces, and that's what I'll produce in you if you will hand

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over your idol of comfort to me. And so, of course, that was glad tidings to my ear,

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but I'm sharing it with you so that you can begin to evaluate the places in your life

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where instead of sitting in the process, you opt out for comfort.

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Somebody makes you angry, you don't want to deal with it. Forget it. I'm done with it. Don't talk

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to me. Whatever. Or you don't confront somebody because it's uncomfortable. You don't say

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something because it's uncomfortable. You don't see the story to the end because it's uncomfortable.

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It's uncomfortable because you don't know what's on the other side, and so you're going to take

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comfort now and not even go through the process. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said that because of this

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camera because I think y'all saw me disappear. If it adds up too much, I hope it lets me come

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back. I'll keep talking. I don't know what's wrong with it. Sorry, ladies. But I hope you're

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tracking, and I hope you start thinking about areas in your life you've refused growth because

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it's uncomfortable to you. So let's talk about this. Growth and discomfort go hand to hand.

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There's no other way to grow but by some discomfort. So

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we talked about how some discomfort comes from doing something healthy,

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but it feels very unfamiliar to you, right? It's something healthy, something good, but it's

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unfamiliar to you. What healthy thing might feel uncomfortable simply because it's new?

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Have you guys ever did something healthy, but it felt uncomfortable because it was new

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to you? Yeah? Can you put it in the chat? Something you did, it was uncomfortable

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to you. It was healthy. It was good for you, but because it was new,

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it was very discomforting. Who's ever opt out of a process because it was too uncomfortable?

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Coaching people at work, that can be very uncomfortable because you don't know how

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they're going to respond to you, right? How they're going to see you, what they're going to

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think. Networking, yes. You've run the risk of these people, right? Saying no is very, yeah.

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And networking is like, will they accept me? Will they receive me? I know working out with

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my trainer. Allow him to make that meal plan and ask you if you went along with it. Please

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don't ask me nothing about that meal plan if I went along with it. I forgot how this thing...

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Anyway, I'm sorry. I think I'm getting a little sidetracked. I got this little camera,

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but for some reason I used it for so long, I forgot how it worked. Okay.

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This is now, I want to say this. Sometimes discomfort, this is where it gets twisted.

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Sometimes discomfort is a warning sign and sometimes it's a part of the journey.

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So sometimes you can meet a person, your nervous system can scream to you like,

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hey, something's not right. That's discomfort or that's uncomfortable, right? And then sometimes,

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like I said, it's just a part of the growing process. So sometimes it's evidence that you're

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growing your old patterns. Have you ever noticed the old pattern and you come up,

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but you're able to deal with it? And it's like, oh wow, that did used to be a thing.

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Like now you can recognize that this is no longer happening. I feel it. I remember doing something

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like this would be my out in the past. I'm not taking it this time.

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Anybody? Yeah. Sometimes dating reveals areas that still need healing. Sometimes, most often.

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all the time.

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And you can identify those spaces

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by identifying the things you are most resistant to.

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So there's something happening in your dating process

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and you feel yourself being the most resistant to it.

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That's probably a place that the Lord wants to expose

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so that it can be healed.

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Just out of curiosity,

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I want you guys to put in the chat

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an area that has happened to you in dating,

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even if it's dating itself,

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that you're the most resistant to.

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And tell us why you think you're the most resistant to it.

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An area in dating you're most resistant to,

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why do you think you're most resistant to it?

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It could be setting boundaries,

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don't want to lose them, the potential, yeah.

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It could be making the first move.

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Dropping the hanky, you're most resistant to that.

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You've made up your mind, I ain't doing it.

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Pacing because it feels so different and slow.

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Oh my God, that is so good.

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Physical attraction, I want to be able to be intimate

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and enjoy it.

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Okay, this feels the most...

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Say that, friend, give a little, add some more to that.

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Having to tell my life story,

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making the first move, fear of rejection, hmm.

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I'm telling that first move is something.

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Ladies, I'm terribly sorry about my camera.

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Anybody else, can you think of something

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that's most uncomfortable?

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Fear of rejection and fear of getting vulnerable

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when we get to that point.

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Oh, that's good.

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Telling them my age and where I work.

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Oh wow, okay.

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What's the business with your age and where you work?

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What's that about, Jessica?

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Are they going to think you're too young

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or you think they think you're too old or what is it?

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Just that I look younger than my actual age.

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Ah, okay.

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People think I'm like 25, I'm like, no, I'm 36.

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You do look like it.

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Why is she worried about it?

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She's just 26, it doesn't matter.

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And then I work at McDonald's,

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so that's kind of like judgment.

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I think I feel like that's kind of what it is.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, being vulnerable, okay.

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Friends, that's a good thing to have the age thing.

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Oh, I don't know, I don't know.

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Friends, that's a good thing to have the age thing.

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Who programmed us as women

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that we should be younger and never get older?

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I'm going to find that person and do something about it.

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I'm so serious.

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Like women don't even tell their age.

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Who told us this stuff?

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Every woman does it.

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I don't care where you from on the planet.

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Good, good, good.

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Thank you ladies for sharing.

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I mean, I'm 29 again.

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Thank you for sharing, all right.

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And then I want you to,

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oh friend, you're so freaking young, cut it out.

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Oh my goodness, okay.

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So this is how some areas when you're dating

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can show up that need to be healed.

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So let's say a date gets canceled.

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How do you respond?

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Or they didn't text back

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in the amount of time you thought they should.

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What does your nervous system do?

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How do you respond?

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Someone expresses interest.

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How do you respond?

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Do you get so super excited

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and you go ahead and start planning your life with them

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in your head?

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Or someone loses interest.

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How do you respond?

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All of these things can tell us something about us.

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There's a possibility of healing and growing.

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I don't know, maybe that one about text

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should have came back by now.

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I have to literally make myself do something.

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So that I would not be like, wait a minute.

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Why you didn't text, it's an hour now.

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You mean to tell me you didn't see my text

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and you were doing good right before now?

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You know, like sometimes I would,

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they're like, that text back is like, what was the problem?

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happening. I think even if it's like some of my close friends, I'll just pick up the phone call,

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you didn't see my other texts. I see, did you see my text? If there's something I want to know,

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and she'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Just feed into it. I'd be, okay, I'm going to text

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right now. She ain't go and text me. But anyway, so these can tell us something if we're a little

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more anxious or different things like that. And so, but when all of these things happen,

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something is actually getting activated in you. Something deeper is happening. So fear that you're

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being rejected, fear of abandonment, fear of not being chosen, fear of wasting your time,

250
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or fear of disappointment. It's one of those, they kind of run together.

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Like if you start freaking out, like it could be one of those you want to check them out. And

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that's the good thing about dating because they didn't reveal these things. Okay. So the

253
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temptation is to make the discomfort about the situation. What does that mean? That means they

254
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should have texted me by now. That's just rude. Because if I told somebody I was going to do

255
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something, I would do it. You just made the discomfort about the person. I had an interesting

256
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conversation with a person and this is what happened. I told them that I was no longer going

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to proceed talking with them because one of the things that I despise down on the inside of me

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is if I ask you a question and you gloss over my question and you do not answer me.

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There's something in me that gets triggered that I will tell you, forget you and your mama too.

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Don't talk to me no more. Your mama, your sister, and your brother. I will delete your number and

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it will be like you never even existed, especially if it's a man and if it's a pattern. So the first

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time I was like, Hey, after they do all that talking. Yeah. So this was the question. Yeah.

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So this was the question. And so I'll track and I said, I got upset. I was livid. I was like,

264
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Oh no, this is done for. And so then this person says back to me, they were upset with me because

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I keep asking why. And sent me an article on how why is the trigger word for people

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and that why would trigger you to make you think if you had childhood trauma around why

267
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all of these things like why. And then I should have asked the question by saying,

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can you share more with me about that? Because why can be a trigger. Now this thing is true,

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but why is not a trigger for me? And so I'm like, Oh, well, of course I'm like, I am so sorry. I

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didn't even know you had this issue, but I'm saying, I'll let to say this, y'all both of us

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were making each other responsible for our own triggers in our own wounds. So I tell you, let's

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just, I'll use Sarah. I say, Sarah, you need to answer my questions because when you don't do

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that, that really offends me. It feels like, cause what it makes me feel like is I'm not seeing her

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to know that you can just forget about me. It doesn't matter what I say. I'm not important.

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That's an inside job. That's a me thing. That's not a Sarah thing. Sarah didn't have to change

276
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the way she talks to me to pacify my wounds. I need to go and deal with my wounds. Sarah has

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the right to respond to me any way she wants to. Sarah has the right not to answer my question.

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That's her right. And so I had the right to ask that person why that's their wound from their

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childhood that gets activated. When I say why to them, why is a word? Are you hearing what I'm

280
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saying? Are you, are you catching that? We both made each other responsible for

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wounds and traumas when actually I need to go deal with that trauma in me because when a person

282
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says certain things to me, I shouldn't get that upset. I shouldn't get so mad. I say, forgive you

283
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and your mama too. That's a problem that I would get that livid that I would get that angry because

284
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I feel so something that they did took me back to the little girl who wasn't seeing her to know.

285
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It took me back to the woman where her husband always lied to her and she had to try to be an

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investigator to find things out. It's just that quick, that thing took me back to that place.

287
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And so now I tell the people around me how to behave to keep me at level, to keep me feeling

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wrong. And so that's what I'm saying. So if we can connect it, we're making it about the

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situation instead of understanding that there is an issue within us.

290
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And that's not okay, but answering the question is rude, answering the question is just what

291
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they decided to do.

292
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But in your book, it's like, in our book it's rude, but that was their choice, right?

293
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And at some point I have to give, now I come back by three or four times and say, Hey,

294
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and there's different people.

295
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When I find out that your intent is to, it's like you're intentionally, almost I feel like

296
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you're trying to manipulate me, not in a coaching.

297
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So don't ever think it about coaching.

298
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That's totally different.

299
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It's when I know, I feel like you're trying to avoid me because you don't want to give

300
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me a particular answer or something like that.

301
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So it wouldn't be this, it would be probably more like with a guy, it's not happening with

302
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me with a female.

303
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It's that trigger point.

304
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That's why I said dating exposes things in you.

305
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It's not the same.

306
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When you start dealing with a man, that thing, it gets ignited.

307
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So anyway, so we'll assign this comfort to the situation when it really is about us.

308
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And we want to watch that.

309
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Why we want to watch that, not to perform, but when you see it so that you can deal with

310
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it properly.

311
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Because when you get married, you ain't going to care.

312
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You're going to probably act a fool if you don't get this stuff together.

313
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Why are you going to do that?

314
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Because you ain't worried about him going nowhere.

315
00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:25.640
He married to you now.

316
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And you're going to be like, whatever.

317
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I don't care.

318
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I don't know how y'all act, but that's me.

319
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And so that's how I got.

320
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I was already to level 450.

321
00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:31.640
I said, look, I done had it up to here.

322
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I'll give you dates and times every time you did it because it's a pattern and I ain't

323
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putting up with it no more.

324
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So anyway.

325
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:35.640
Bye.

326
00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:36.640
Bye.

327
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:37.640
Bye.

328
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:38.640
Bye.

329
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Bye.

330
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Bye.

331
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332
00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:56.000
But usually when these things happen, God is highlighting something different.

333
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The same thing that happened with me, I found that after I evaluate the situation, we both

334
00:27:00.940 --> 00:27:05.700
were making each other responsible to treat each other triggers, to coddle each other

335
00:27:05.700 --> 00:27:07.300
triggers right now.

336
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I can't speak for that person, but I can't deal with me and dealing with yourself.

337
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I don't know about you ladies.

338
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Has been one of the most challenging things for me in my life.

339
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I will tell you this.

340
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The more you deal with you, the more grace you'll have on other people.

341
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The less you deal with you.

342
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I know when people don't deal with themselves because when you don't deal with yourself,

343
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you don't have grace for other people.

344
00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:38.980
Your awareness is so low that you can't determine what it was required for a person to even

345
00:27:38.980 --> 00:27:41.940
come through a process like this.

346
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And so yes, dealing with me is the hardest part of dating so far because you really do

347
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and I can't say this for everybody.

348
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I'm going to speak for a few of us.

349
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We really believe we're perfect.

350
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It is absolutely nothing wrong with us.

351
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Golly.

352
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And if everybody else could just recognize that I'm right, I'm always right.

353
00:28:04.860 --> 00:28:07.540
And if I am a little wrong, I'm just a little wrong.

354
00:28:07.540 --> 00:28:08.540
Come on now.

355
00:28:08.540 --> 00:28:09.540
Oh my goodness.

356
00:28:09.540 --> 00:28:18.740
And so it's already this thing that has to get torn down in a woman's mind that she's

357
00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:20.420
right.

358
00:28:20.420 --> 00:28:22.420
And if everybody just did it this way, everything will be okay.

359
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All right.

360
00:28:23.420 --> 00:28:24.420
So let's see.

361
00:28:24.420 --> 00:28:36.140
Have you ever heard somebody say, or if you've been married before, if you've been in a long

362
00:28:36.140 --> 00:28:39.940
term relationship, have you ever said to a person or heard somebody say, you just bring

363
00:28:39.940 --> 00:28:40.940
out the worst in me?

364
00:28:40.940 --> 00:28:41.940
Have y'all ever heard that before?

365
00:28:41.940 --> 00:28:42.940
Are you familiar with that thing?

366
00:28:42.940 --> 00:28:43.940
Yeah.

367
00:28:43.940 --> 00:28:52.780
I remember when I was, marriage truly is a mirror.

368
00:28:52.780 --> 00:28:55.300
Jackie calls it God's maturity plan.

369
00:28:55.300 --> 00:28:58.820
And so sometimes when we have these, yeah, you have these things, when you think about

370
00:28:58.820 --> 00:29:01.220
getting married, especially you've never been married before, I know what you're thinking

371
00:29:01.220 --> 00:29:02.220
about.

372
00:29:02.220 --> 00:29:05.740
Eating pancakes at two o'clock in the morning, running around butt naked, slapping each other

373
00:29:05.740 --> 00:29:11.700
on the butt, kicking and laughing and everything so wonderful and everything in the world disappears.

374
00:29:12.540 --> 00:29:13.540
But it does not.

375
00:29:13.540 --> 00:29:19.660
And so what happens is because marriage truly is a mirror, oh goodness, I got too wrapped

376
00:29:19.660 --> 00:29:20.660
up.

377
00:29:20.660 --> 00:29:21.660
I forgot what I was about to say.

378
00:29:21.660 --> 00:29:22.660
It shows you your true self.

379
00:29:22.660 --> 00:29:28.500
And I remember I said to my ex-husband one time, I said, you know, you bring out the

380
00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:29.500
worst in me.

381
00:29:29.500 --> 00:29:32.500
He said, oh, you were like this when you came to me.

382
00:29:32.500 --> 00:29:34.860
I said, golly.

383
00:29:34.860 --> 00:29:39.500
And I'm finna tell you, I was the most self-righteous person you wanted to meet.

384
00:29:39.600 --> 00:29:44.240
And he would say to me all the time, he said, you think your problem is you think you know

385
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:45.240
everything.

386
00:29:45.240 --> 00:29:46.660
You know what I would say in my head?

387
00:29:46.660 --> 00:29:48.140
I know more than you.

388
00:29:48.140 --> 00:29:51.620
And he said, you know what I would say?

389
00:29:51.620 --> 00:29:52.620
He said, you think you're perfect.

390
00:29:52.620 --> 00:29:54.980
And I would say, out my mouth, I would say, no, I don't.

391
00:29:54.980 --> 00:29:59.300
But in my head, I would say I'm more perfect than you every time.

392
00:29:59.300 --> 00:30:00.100
And I said, lord.

393
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.920
I'm just saying if I had to just tell the truth about myself and so a lot of us ladies tend to

394
00:30:11.600 --> 00:30:16.240
there's a very much a possibility I'm trying to see if I can make my camera come back on but

395
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:24.800
anyway so um so we know that dating isn't creating the problem usually if a problem

396
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:30.960
arise I want you to practice asking yourself what's happening inside of me it doesn't mean

397
00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:34.640
that this person is not doing something to cross the boundaries we're not talking about that don't

398
00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:40.480
get that confused boundaries are boundaries foundations are foundations right we're not

399
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:46.720
looking for projects that's not what we're talking about but dating does give you an opportunity to

400
00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:57.920
um to to grow more it really does okay we talked about that all warning signs are not

401
00:30:58.560 --> 00:31:09.600
discomfort for growth when a woman has intuition and that's why it's so good to abide by your own

402
00:31:09.600 --> 00:31:17.360
boundaries submit yourself to order so that when something is disrupted you will know where it's

403
00:31:17.360 --> 00:31:23.280
coming from don't get so loose or get so gone away and if you do just get somebody you can

404
00:31:23.280 --> 00:31:29.680
talk to to help you come back and I'm going to tell you something in your communities of people

405
00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:35.520
that you talk to we're going to always be great that's what we're here for but I encourage you

406
00:31:35.520 --> 00:31:42.880
even in so doing try not to choose someone who is also looking for a love story

407
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:49.680
try not to choose everybody to be in your group is somebody waiting on somebody a night and shining

408
00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:57.520
armor to take them away does that make sense so it's two two sides to a coin when you do that

409
00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:02.320
they're going to tell you you don't deserve that you deserve to be pursued and you deserve to be

410
00:32:02.320 --> 00:32:07.600
this no he didn't say that to you I can't believe it and they may not evaluate you well

411
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:13.360
they may not be able to tell you the truth about what's happening on the inside of you

412
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:18.800
and then if this man is saying all the wonderful things that every woman wants to hear they may

413
00:32:18.800 --> 00:32:24.400
not be able to tell you about pacing they may not be able to say to you like hey I think that's going

414
00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:30.640
too fast because they also are looking for a fantasy and so that's why in your circle of

415
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:37.280
people that you come to and you run your checks by you need a variety of people I have a friend

416
00:32:37.280 --> 00:32:41.680
bless her heart I love her but every time she thinks about me she writes a love story

417
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:47.200
and I just tell her I said that's a wonderful fantasized love story

418
00:32:47.840 --> 00:32:54.800
but I don't agree with it and it breaks her heart I know that God is going to send you the most

419
00:32:54.800 --> 00:33:00.480
amazing man Ebony and he's gonna this and he's gonna that you should hear it she should get an

420
00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:05.680
Emmy for this love story she writes for me every time the difference is I've been married before

421
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:10.400
and I know things don't play out that way it's not that I don't believe God has good things for me

422
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:17.840
but she can't help it she's never been a bride before so she by right has this story and I'm

423
00:33:17.840 --> 00:33:23.920
not gonna take it away but she can't help me uh uh she can't objectively help me

424
00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:32.160
and so I don't give as much weight to what she's saying because she's already programmed in her

425
00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:37.200
mind what it should be like I'm gonna give you an example of programming that we have

426
00:33:39.120 --> 00:33:46.080
let's say you meet somebody and this person is a high earner it's gonna be a different type of me

427
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:53.840
and he works 16 17 hours a day and so before you met that man he carries high responsibilities high

428
00:33:53.840 --> 00:33:59.040
up in his company before you met him you were used to talking to people who maybe were middle income

429
00:33:59.040 --> 00:34:04.560
earners they worked their hours at work and they went home so they could text you good morning they

430
00:34:04.560 --> 00:34:09.199
will call you in the evening for you that's a sign that they like you somebody like you they gonna

431
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:15.280
talk to you right so you're used to that they're checking in everything's going great but then you

432
00:34:15.600 --> 00:34:23.679
meet this man who is a high earner and he works all these long hours and he can't talk to you as

433
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:32.639
much as a matter of fact he may text you every two days and when he does text you he says hi

434
00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:39.760
he say let's schedule a phone call and then maybe y'all may go out once and then you may not

435
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:43.040
get a chance to go out with him again but he said that he likes you

436
00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:53.440
now that's not how you probably envision that process going but you will have to have wisdom

437
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:59.600
to determine if i need to make adjustments of my expectations

438
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.200
because there's no way you can expect a person who works 16,

439
00:35:04.200 --> 00:35:05.400
17 hours a day,

440
00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:10.160
who makes the level of decisions they have to make in companies to show up and

441
00:35:10.160 --> 00:35:14.840
talk to you like somebody who works a mundane job or a job that's

442
00:35:14.840 --> 00:35:18.600
repetitive. And you may say, well, I'll do it. No, you wouldn't.

443
00:35:18.600 --> 00:35:20.400
You ain't never lived that type of life.

444
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:25.160
Ain't nobody paying you $300,000 to make a decision.

445
00:35:26.160 --> 00:35:31.000
You're not in the meeting in China and you're not getting flown out here and

446
00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:34.360
flown out there and carrying the weight of the responsibility that people have

447
00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:35.200
to process.

448
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:38.320
So I want you to think about that because you're going to date people who don't

449
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:41.280
fit the custom or the way that you think it should go.

450
00:35:41.480 --> 00:35:44.280
And when you do, sometimes you think something's wrong with them.

451
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:47.680
You think they may not like you because it doesn't show up at your doorstep,

452
00:35:47.680 --> 00:35:50.680
the way you designed for it to show up. And why am I saying this?

453
00:35:50.680 --> 00:35:52.880
I'm saying this because I had to make adjustments.

454
00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:55.880
I had to be like, Oh,

455
00:35:55.880 --> 00:36:00.360
I didn't realize how program I had been to the normal way of doing something and

456
00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:04.040
saying that my way was the right way. Are y'all tracking with me?

457
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:06.600
And they're going to be people that show up in your life and they're not going

458
00:36:06.600 --> 00:36:10.160
to show up to date you the way you know, but it doesn't mean that when you date,

459
00:36:10.160 --> 00:36:13.640
somebody who processes different from you, who thinks different from you,

460
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:18.000
dating an engineer is going to be different than dating a school teacher.

461
00:36:19.560 --> 00:36:21.240
Their mind thinks different.

462
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:27.080
These people process totally different.

463
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:33.480
And so we have to be aware that we can meet people who don't process like us,

464
00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:36.000
who don't think like us.

465
00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:40.440
And sometimes that becomes a stumbling block for us because you told yourself

466
00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:42.840
that this is the way that it goes.

467
00:36:45.200 --> 00:36:46.240
And that's not true.

468
00:36:46.440 --> 00:36:50.960
This is not void of mature marriage, man and masculine.

469
00:36:51.960 --> 00:36:54.560
This is not bored of core foundational things.

470
00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:57.000
This is just a different style.

471
00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:02.560
And so at this point you start getting to know them.

472
00:37:02.600 --> 00:37:06.600
You got to give yourself time to get the swing of it, right? Yeah.

473
00:37:06.600 --> 00:37:07.960
I'm a little intimidated too.

474
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:11.640
You got to get yourself to get the swing of it, right?

475
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:14.640
Once you get the swing of it, then you can say, okay,

476
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.560
I see how this is flowing. You give yourself about three weeks.

477
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:21.760
You just about three weeks to get the swing of how they're flowing.

478
00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:25.120
And then you can say stuff like, you know what? I really like connecting,

479
00:37:25.120 --> 00:37:28.760
but I would like us to push to do a little bit more connection.

480
00:37:29.040 --> 00:37:31.480
I know you're busy and I understand that,

481
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:34.600
but in order for me to feel safe in this process,

482
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:37.000
I'm going to need a little bit more communication.

483
00:37:38.040 --> 00:37:40.720
Can we schedule something every two days to talk?

484
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:42.320
And you know,

485
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.880
I know that you send me a text message and I don't know how that works for you.

486
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:47.360
I'm not a big texter,

487
00:37:47.480 --> 00:37:49.440
but if that's the best way you can meet at the day,

488
00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:52.800
can we structure the texts where they're a little bit more than hey and bye,

489
00:37:53.040 --> 00:37:57.640
but maybe in our texts, can you tell me how your day was going? Um,

490
00:37:57.680 --> 00:38:01.480
maybe, um, why you haven't really been able to talk the last two days.

491
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.680
So you see, I don't do that the first week, the second week,

492
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:08.360
I wait till I get a swing or their pattern or what's happening.

493
00:38:08.560 --> 00:38:11.080
And then I'll come in and make adjustments as necessary.

494
00:38:11.080 --> 00:38:16.160
But sometimes before you can even get there, you're so uncomfortable.

495
00:38:17.000 --> 00:38:17.360
Okay.

496
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:21.320
That is not going the way you thought it would go when a person likes you.

497
00:38:22.120 --> 00:38:24.840
And you can try that rule. When somebody like you,

498
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:28.640
they're going to do this and they're going to do that. All of that is in,

499
00:38:29.680 --> 00:38:34.440
it's with, it's true, but it's within, it's within exceptions.

500
00:38:34.720 --> 00:38:37.240
It's within the person. I'm going to tell you something.

501
00:38:37.400 --> 00:38:42.400
So I have a very tight schedule and there

502
00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:45.400
was a time when I only talked to people on the weekend.

503
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:47.880
And rightfully so.

504
00:38:49.120 --> 00:38:52.440
The only time I could squeeze the person in was when I got off work from my trip

505
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:54.600
from work to my next destination.

506
00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:58.520
My free days didn't come up until Thursday and I wasn't ready to give it to

507
00:38:58.520 --> 00:39:01.000
somebody because that's the day I used for something new.

508
00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:03.320
I was developing or book that I was reading.

509
00:39:03.880 --> 00:39:08.080
So I was scheduling my phone calls on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

510
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:13.600
Now, if any person was talking to me like me, they would have been like, Oh no,

511
00:39:14.120 --> 00:39:14.800
I ain't doing that.

512
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:18.360
I'm not going to text at work and I don't text when I'm at work.

513
00:39:18.400 --> 00:39:21.920
So I'm at work from seven, six, something to four, something.

514
00:39:21.960 --> 00:39:22.880
I will not text.

515
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:25.400
And the reason why I don't text is because I don't like it.

516
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:30.320
I do not like getting used to someone texting me.

517
00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:32.440
And then when it's over, I don't get that text anymore.

518
00:39:33.080 --> 00:39:35.600
I rather not grieve that. So I'm not going to start that.

519
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:39.000
I'm not going to be picking up my phone, looking for a text.

520
00:39:39.160 --> 00:39:42.360
You just hang it up. I've been in game long enough.

521
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:44.480
I don't want that process. So I don't do it.

522
00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:48.120
But somebody would think that, Oh, well,

523
00:39:48.920 --> 00:39:51.480
she must don't like me. That was never the case.

524
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:55.080
Now the more I did like them, I would start making some exceptions. Okay.

525
00:39:55.080 --> 00:39:58.480
Like, well, Tuesday right here on my way from work, can you fit in?

526
00:39:58.480 --> 00:39:59.960
I've had guys to leave me. And it's like,

527
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.000
You too busy today.

528
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:02.880
And I'm like, I'm giving you the best I got.

529
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:05.800
And I really am available.

530
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:08.720
So that rule wouldn't work against what I was doing.

531
00:40:11.520 --> 00:40:14.440
It's just because I was giving the best that I had.

532
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:15.320
I was showing up.

533
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:17.320
I was being fully there.

534
00:40:17.320 --> 00:40:18.760
It's just that my schedule looked

535
00:40:18.760 --> 00:40:20.640
different from somebody else.

536
00:40:20.640 --> 00:40:26.560
So maybe that's a really good example.

537
00:40:26.560 --> 00:40:28.840
I hope that I got you guys to see it.

538
00:40:28.840 --> 00:40:32.280
That's not to say take somebody's less than best.

539
00:40:32.280 --> 00:40:33.520
Give it three weeks.

540
00:40:33.520 --> 00:40:36.640
Get the swing of things, even the fourth week.

541
00:40:36.640 --> 00:40:39.480
Jackie says that the first week is the first month,

542
00:40:39.480 --> 00:40:40.680
the first four weeks.

543
00:40:40.680 --> 00:40:43.120
She says in her new book, I just read it,

544
00:40:43.120 --> 00:40:46.520
is for like a kind of like discovery.

545
00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:48.920
And then the second month is for clarity.

546
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.160
Last week, we talked about this.

547
00:40:54.160 --> 00:40:58.680
It serves you best to stay curious

548
00:40:58.680 --> 00:41:02.680
and not desire certainty.

549
00:41:02.680 --> 00:41:05.760
For me, I can't speak for all of you.

550
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:08.720
But certainty is at the forefront of me.

551
00:41:08.720 --> 00:41:13.120
I have to literally snatch it down to be curious.

552
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:18.640
I choose certainty because of things in my past.

553
00:41:18.640 --> 00:41:20.240
It goes to three weeks top and they out.

554
00:41:20.240 --> 00:41:21.120
But let me tell you something.

555
00:41:21.120 --> 00:41:23.040
If you make it to second week after dating,

556
00:41:23.040 --> 00:41:24.280
you'll be good to make it.

557
00:41:24.280 --> 00:41:27.280
I don't know what it is about that second week.

558
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:28.560
You think you're going good.

559
00:41:28.560 --> 00:41:30.040
You're going to wait to tell somebody

560
00:41:30.040 --> 00:41:31.920
before you know everything went down here.

561
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:38.120
OK, but certainty is actually a trauma response.

562
00:41:38.120 --> 00:41:41.280
Certainty is saying that I have to have something solid

563
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:43.400
before I move forward because I'm too afraid of what's

564
00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:45.960
going to happen.

565
00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:47.320
And so make certain.

566
00:41:47.320 --> 00:41:49.920
But the truth is, it's a lie.

567
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:52.600
There is no certainty.

568
00:41:52.600 --> 00:41:55.720
You don't even know this person.

569
00:41:55.720 --> 00:41:58.920
And so that's when you have to become certain within yourself.

570
00:41:58.920 --> 00:42:02.200
Certain that I am going to set boundaries.

571
00:42:02.200 --> 00:42:05.280
Certain that I'm going to follow a certain protocol.

572
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:08.360
Certain that I'm going to guard my heart with all diligence

573
00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:09.840
without putting up walls.

574
00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:12.280
I am certain of that.

575
00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:14.120
So when this ship do start to sink,

576
00:42:14.120 --> 00:42:18.240
I am certain that you won't sink me with it.

577
00:42:18.240 --> 00:42:21.440
That's what I'm certain of.

578
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:22.760
You tracking with me?

579
00:42:22.760 --> 00:42:25.880
You have to have certainty that you carry within yourself

580
00:42:25.880 --> 00:42:29.320
and stay curious with others.

581
00:42:29.320 --> 00:42:31.120
And that is not easy.

582
00:42:31.120 --> 00:42:36.520
And so what I want us to do, I want us to, first of all,

583
00:42:36.520 --> 00:42:39.240
all of you know that this process that you're in right

584
00:42:39.240 --> 00:42:43.120
now is very uncomfortable and discomforting.

585
00:42:43.120 --> 00:42:47.520
Most of us want Amazon package at the door, including myself.

586
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:49.760
If you can see my hand, it will be waved.

587
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:52.320
I hear your heart in the matter.

588
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:54.200
I just have to tell you the hard part

589
00:42:54.200 --> 00:42:55.440
that it ain't going to happen.

590
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:57.680
I've been trying to get it to happen, but it won't.

591
00:42:57.680 --> 00:42:59.160
It hasn't happened.

592
00:42:59.160 --> 00:43:02.480
So dating within itself is very uncomfortable

593
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:04.520
because you have to keep getting your hopes up.

594
00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:08.760
It seems like over and over and over again.

595
00:43:08.760 --> 00:43:11.320
And you keep having to feel like you're learning very hard

596
00:43:11.320 --> 00:43:13.000
lessons.

597
00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:14.760
If it's always the other person's fault

598
00:43:14.760 --> 00:43:16.920
or you can't pull out anything for you to learn,

599
00:43:16.920 --> 00:43:18.480
then something's totally wrong.

600
00:43:18.480 --> 00:43:19.800
Not if it's always their fault.

601
00:43:19.800 --> 00:43:21.880
It could definitely be that it didn't work out.

602
00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:24.240
But if you can never find a lesson for you

603
00:43:24.240 --> 00:43:27.720
in someone you dated, then something's not right.

604
00:43:27.720 --> 00:43:30.560
There's always a lesson for you.

605
00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:32.240
That's why it's called discovery dating.

606
00:43:36.160 --> 00:43:38.080
If everybody you met was your husband,

607
00:43:38.080 --> 00:43:39.680
that means you wouldn't have the best.

608
00:43:39.680 --> 00:43:42.320
Because I'm telling y'all, y'all can go get a man to marry you,

609
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:43.760
believe it or not.

610
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:45.440
He just ain't the one you want to spend

611
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:49.880
the rest of your life with, OK?

612
00:43:49.880 --> 00:43:55.160
And so that's why we're going to stay in the process,

613
00:43:55.160 --> 00:43:57.640
no matter how uncomfortable it is.

614
00:43:57.640 --> 00:43:59.160
So you're going to keep showing up.

615
00:43:59.160 --> 00:44:00.720
You're going to keep asking questions.

616
00:44:00.720 --> 00:44:02.040
You're going to stay vulnerable.

617
00:44:02.040 --> 00:44:03.560
You're going to stay connected.

618
00:44:03.560 --> 00:44:06.480
You're going to allow God to reveal things.

619
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:08.920
And you're going to take out some Band-Aids.

620
00:44:08.920 --> 00:44:11.040
And you're going to stay teachable.

621
00:44:11.040 --> 00:44:16.240
And I'm encouraging you to do what you've never done before.

622
00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:19.840
The idea that you want something,

623
00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:22.800
and when someone introduces a path that's different,

624
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.560
that'll stretch you to go that way, do it.

625
00:44:26.560 --> 00:44:29.840
Don't oppose the thing because it's uncomfortable

626
00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:32.880
or because that ain't the way you wanted to do it.

627
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:35.720
Well, clearly, your way don't work.

628
00:44:35.720 --> 00:44:38.400
Let's try Jackie's way.

629
00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:39.960
She got some pretty good results.

630
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:44.640
Are you tracking with me?

631
00:44:44.640 --> 00:44:46.680
So there's no way you show up in a program

632
00:44:46.680 --> 00:44:48.680
and don't want to do it the way the program does it

633
00:44:48.680 --> 00:44:51.160
when you're the one who want a spouse.

634
00:44:51.160 --> 00:44:52.960
And the person who designed the program

635
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:55.600
have married so many people.

636
00:44:55.600 --> 00:44:57.280
So it's like it's in your best interest

637
00:44:57.280 --> 00:45:01.080
to try it another way, even when it's uncomfortable.

638
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.600
because it will pay well for you.

639
00:45:02.600 --> 00:45:06.720
And so that's what we want to talk about tonight.

640
00:45:06.720 --> 00:45:11.720
Discomfort and understanding that I had an idol of comfort.

641
00:45:12.840 --> 00:45:15.160
Everything was for comfort.

642
00:45:15.160 --> 00:45:16.920
When I started evaluating my life,

643
00:45:16.920 --> 00:45:19.760
there were things I didn't do just for comfort sake.

644
00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:23.800
It's too hard, I don't wanna do all that, right?

645
00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:25.760
So any questions about that?

646
00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:27.680
Did it raise up any thoughts in your mind

647
00:45:27.680 --> 00:45:30.040
in ways that you push things away

648
00:45:30.040 --> 00:45:31.920
just because it was discomforting?

649
00:45:35.840 --> 00:45:38.680
Some of us, when relationships start to take a turn,

650
00:45:38.680 --> 00:45:40.920
someone put on there about being vulnerable,

651
00:45:40.920 --> 00:45:42.840
they stop it right there.

652
00:45:42.840 --> 00:45:45.720
Oh no, I'm not doing it, it's too uncomfortable.

653
00:45:45.720 --> 00:45:47.800
You know, it's uncomfortable.

654
00:45:47.800 --> 00:45:49.800
Being vulnerable is uncomfortable.

655
00:45:54.500 --> 00:45:55.340
Yeah.

656
00:45:58.140 --> 00:46:01.920
Breaking a relationship off is very uncomfortable.

657
00:46:04.860 --> 00:46:08.540
You know that it is discomfort versus a standard

658
00:46:08.540 --> 00:46:10.040
in being respectful.

659
00:46:11.660 --> 00:46:14.900
Well, you have to measure what's the standard.

660
00:46:16.780 --> 00:46:18.580
Yes, extremely uncomfortable,

661
00:46:18.580 --> 00:46:20.380
breaking up is still uncomfortable.

662
00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:23.620
Oh, you're not breaking it off or anything.

663
00:46:25.300 --> 00:46:26.940
I would look at the standard.

664
00:46:27.940 --> 00:46:30.580
I would look at what my definition of respect is.

665
00:46:30.580 --> 00:46:31.700
I would look at the standard

666
00:46:31.700 --> 00:46:33.800
that I believe that they're going against.

667
00:46:38.860 --> 00:46:39.700
I remember when I was younger,

668
00:46:39.700 --> 00:46:40.880
when the excitement died down,

669
00:46:40.880 --> 00:46:43.460
I would take that as wonderful if I still liked them

670
00:46:43.460 --> 00:46:45.260
or if I was just struggling to come down

671
00:46:45.260 --> 00:46:46.820
off of the initial excitement.

672
00:46:46.820 --> 00:46:47.660
Okay.

673
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:52.800
Oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

674
00:46:53.900 --> 00:46:55.780
Or if I was just struggling to come down

675
00:46:55.920 --> 00:46:58.160
off of the initial excitement.

676
00:46:58.160 --> 00:47:00.320
You're saying you're wondering if this,

677
00:47:00.320 --> 00:47:02.380
what are you wondering, Shailene?

678
00:47:02.380 --> 00:47:04.560
No, I just mean like when I was younger,

679
00:47:04.560 --> 00:47:07.080
I just remember when that initial,

680
00:47:07.080 --> 00:47:09.520
like first couple of months of,

681
00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:11.360
like all the woohoo settled down

682
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:15.240
and like life settled back more into normal.

683
00:47:15.240 --> 00:47:19.720
I used to wonder, do I still like him or not?

684
00:47:19.720 --> 00:47:22.420
It's like, I would have a hard time telling the difference

685
00:47:22.420 --> 00:47:27.000
between was I still interested or was I not interested?

686
00:47:27.000 --> 00:47:30.720
Or was it just that I was struggling to land?

687
00:47:30.720 --> 00:47:33.240
Like I had gotten so into the woo

688
00:47:33.240 --> 00:47:36.280
and it was like hard to settle back down.

689
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:37.200
You know, like sometimes,

690
00:47:37.200 --> 00:47:39.040
I just remember when I was younger,

691
00:47:39.040 --> 00:47:41.800
I used to get stuck in that wondering, what was it?

692
00:47:41.800 --> 00:47:43.280
You know?

693
00:47:43.280 --> 00:47:46.920
Yeah, that's really good because it's true.

694
00:47:46.920 --> 00:47:49.480
You know, something happens when that excitement died down.

695
00:47:49.500 --> 00:47:53.380
You'd be like, do I even like this person?

696
00:47:53.380 --> 00:47:56.420
That's how crazy that excitement level could be.

697
00:47:56.420 --> 00:47:57.820
No, that was really good.

698
00:48:01.540 --> 00:48:04.760
So friend, what is the standard?

699
00:48:05.780 --> 00:48:06.780
What are you saying?

700
00:48:07.740 --> 00:48:10.100
No, I always like to hear what you have to say.

701
00:48:14.980 --> 00:48:18.900
I mean, I hold myself to a certain standard.

702
00:48:19.160 --> 00:48:22.600
Like for instance, you were talking about responses, right?

703
00:48:22.600 --> 00:48:27.600
And taking longer or shorter to reply to a text message.

704
00:48:29.880 --> 00:48:32.320
I used to be the same way as you.

705
00:48:32.320 --> 00:48:36.480
And then where I was like, during my workday,

706
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:39.580
I'm focusing on work, I'm not gonna answer messages.

707
00:48:40.880 --> 00:48:43.400
But I changed that pattern just because,

708
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:46.080
I don't know where it came from,

709
00:48:46.080 --> 00:48:49.100
but I got the awareness.

710
00:48:49.100 --> 00:48:51.980
Maybe it's not a right awareness,

711
00:48:51.980 --> 00:48:56.980
but I got the awareness that maybe that's why some people

712
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:01.820
become disinterested in me.

713
00:49:01.820 --> 00:49:04.860
It's because I take a long time to reply to messages.

714
00:49:04.860 --> 00:49:05.700
Right?

715
00:49:05.700 --> 00:49:08.420
And now I make time during my workday

716
00:49:08.420 --> 00:49:10.500
to check my messages and answer,

717
00:49:10.500 --> 00:49:14.300
just to show that I'm here, I'm dedicated,

718
00:49:14.320 --> 00:49:16.400
I'm taking you seriously, I'm interested in you.

719
00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:20.960
It's not something that I take lightly,

720
00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:22.840
just to show them my interest.

721
00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:25.520
So for me, a standard would be,

722
00:49:25.520 --> 00:49:27.680
if you take more than three days to answer me,

723
00:49:27.680 --> 00:49:29.080
it means you're not really interested.

724
00:49:29.080 --> 00:49:30.360
Because if you were interested,

725
00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:33.880
you would make time to check your message and answer.

726
00:49:35.040 --> 00:49:36.840
So for me, after three days,

727
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:40.400
sometimes if I really like the profile,

728
00:49:40.400 --> 00:49:41.240
I would give it a week.

729
00:49:41.240 --> 00:49:43.080
But after a week, if I don't hear from you,

730
00:49:43.100 --> 00:49:44.260
it means you're not interested.

731
00:49:44.260 --> 00:49:47.360
And so I just put you in the archive.

732
00:49:49.680 --> 00:49:50.720
Oh yeah, no, no, no.

733
00:49:50.720 --> 00:49:51.560
That makes sense.

734
00:49:51.560 --> 00:49:53.180
You're talking about like on a dating app.

735
00:49:53.180 --> 00:49:54.600
Yeah.

736
00:49:54.600 --> 00:49:55.440
Oh no, no.

737
00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:56.740
Yeah, I totally understand.

738
00:49:57.980 --> 00:49:58.820
Okay.

739
00:49:58.820 --> 00:49:59.660
No, no.

740
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.320
That's not being uncomfortable.

741
00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:04.840
Like if a person wanted to reply to you, they would.

742
00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:09.760
Now, sometimes people don't go on there.

743
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:12.040
So I don't keep an app on my phone

744
00:50:12.040 --> 00:50:14.600
because it's too, especially like Facebook dating app.

745
00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:16.840
And so somebody like me, sometimes

746
00:50:16.840 --> 00:50:18.440
it will take me four days to respond

747
00:50:18.440 --> 00:50:19.760
before I go back on there.

748
00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:22.840
But they should totally go on about their business.

749
00:50:22.840 --> 00:50:23.520
That makes sense.

750
00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:26.200
No, there's nothing wrong with it.

751
00:50:26.200 --> 00:50:27.240
That's not discomfort.

752
00:50:27.240 --> 00:50:28.800
That's a standard.

753
00:50:28.840 --> 00:50:30.960
And your other thing about if someone,

754
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:33.120
if you ask a question and the person don't answer,

755
00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:35.600
which happens a lot on dating apps,

756
00:50:35.600 --> 00:50:38.440
where you ask a guy a question and they reply to you,

757
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:40.200
but they don't address your question.

758
00:50:40.200 --> 00:50:43.920
And you're like, are you paying attention

759
00:50:43.920 --> 00:50:45.880
or are you just like sending a message just

760
00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:49.040
to keep me hanging, just to show that you're still there,

761
00:50:49.040 --> 00:50:51.280
but you're actually not engaging with me?

762
00:50:51.280 --> 00:50:54.440
Like a lot of people do that on dating apps

763
00:50:54.440 --> 00:50:56.200
where it's like I ask you a question

764
00:50:56.200 --> 00:50:58.760
and you just like ignore the question.

765
00:50:58.760 --> 00:50:59.800
Yeah.

766
00:50:59.800 --> 00:51:00.880
Yeah.

767
00:51:00.880 --> 00:51:03.840
And so generally what I do about ask a question

768
00:51:03.840 --> 00:51:08.200
and you ignore it, I was like, hey, OK,

769
00:51:08.200 --> 00:51:09.640
I just want to double back.

770
00:51:09.640 --> 00:51:11.080
I asked you a question.

771
00:51:11.080 --> 00:51:12.400
That's exactly what I say.

772
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:13.680
Let's double back.

773
00:51:13.680 --> 00:51:16.760
I asked you a question and I really would like a response.

774
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:19.520
And when I send that back, I only send back that question.

775
00:51:19.520 --> 00:51:21.240
It ain't nowhere around.

776
00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:22.680
Like this is it right here.

777
00:51:22.680 --> 00:51:25.480
So if you don't, if you, I know then you're

778
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:26.560
just trying to avoid it.

779
00:51:26.560 --> 00:51:29.360
So if they don't, after that time, I just, I say,

780
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:30.760
I make a note in my head.

781
00:51:30.760 --> 00:51:33.320
Oh, they're not wanting to answer the question.

782
00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:35.560
The only time I get more worked up

783
00:51:35.560 --> 00:51:38.360
is when I'm getting to know you more, right?

784
00:51:38.360 --> 00:51:39.960
But no, you're right.

785
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:42.160
People can do that.

786
00:51:42.160 --> 00:51:45.360
But and I will say this, ladies with guys,

787
00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:47.520
just do one question at a time.

788
00:51:50.440 --> 00:51:53.120
And use as few words as possible.

789
00:51:53.680 --> 00:51:56.040
They're not really into answering all those questions

790
00:51:56.040 --> 00:51:56.680
like that.

791
00:51:56.680 --> 00:51:58.440
It ain't that they simple now.

792
00:51:58.440 --> 00:51:59.200
Men are simple.

793
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:03.760
You'll find some really intelligent,

794
00:52:03.760 --> 00:52:05.440
like really in-depth ones.

795
00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:06.840
But I had a best friend.

796
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:07.880
He tells me all the time.

797
00:52:07.880 --> 00:52:11.440
He said, Ebony, you a lot now.

798
00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:12.520
You a lot.

799
00:52:12.520 --> 00:52:14.640
I answer you because I love you, but you

800
00:52:14.640 --> 00:52:17.520
require men to go into places that they're not

801
00:52:17.520 --> 00:52:19.800
used to going to to have a conversation with you.

802
00:52:20.160 --> 00:52:22.080
And he says, unless they carry a level

803
00:52:22.080 --> 00:52:26.040
of emotional intelligence, that's just hard for them to do.

804
00:52:26.040 --> 00:52:28.560
And so it's just too much work sometimes.

805
00:52:28.560 --> 00:52:30.320
And I've heard men say that all the time.

806
00:52:30.320 --> 00:52:32.440
And so as you grow with a person,

807
00:52:32.440 --> 00:52:35.120
they get to know you better, and they will engage.

808
00:52:35.120 --> 00:52:37.840
But sometimes it's best when you're first meeting guys

809
00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:42.120
just to keep it as simple things, just a simple question.

810
00:52:42.120 --> 00:52:43.760
And a lot of times, they'll definitely

811
00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:46.640
talk more with you in person than they're

812
00:52:46.640 --> 00:52:48.720
able to do over the app.

813
00:52:48.760 --> 00:52:50.760
And it may take a couple of days.

814
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:53.080
But that's the difference between men and women.

815
00:52:53.080 --> 00:52:54.560
Women, we're like spaghetti string.

816
00:52:54.560 --> 00:52:56.560
Baby, we can loop around, come back around town,

817
00:52:56.560 --> 00:53:00.720
go back over, and still land where we first started.

818
00:53:00.720 --> 00:53:02.520
Men are one at a time.

819
00:53:08.440 --> 00:53:09.920
That's so funny, man.

820
00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:11.520
Pineapple on pizza, yes or no?

821
00:53:11.520 --> 00:53:13.320
That's right.

822
00:53:13.320 --> 00:53:14.480
Or straight to jail.

823
00:53:19.360 --> 00:53:21.280
Oh, there's a difference between a person

824
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:23.160
who's really interested versus a man who's

825
00:53:23.160 --> 00:53:25.480
just adding me to their roster.

826
00:53:25.480 --> 00:53:27.840
And you know what's an interesting thing about noticing

827
00:53:27.840 --> 00:53:29.760
a man who's really interested?

828
00:53:29.760 --> 00:53:32.960
Because sometimes, hear this, we can

829
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:35.880
see a man is really interested if he calls us,

830
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:39.360
if he plans a date, and he does all this thing.

831
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:41.000
It's like, OK, he's showing interest.

832
00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:45.080
Now, you remember, that is our blueprint for interest.

833
00:53:45.080 --> 00:53:46.480
You hear me?

834
00:53:46.520 --> 00:53:48.640
But then when month two come in, things

835
00:53:48.640 --> 00:53:51.560
kind of start falling apart.

836
00:53:51.560 --> 00:53:54.280
Or maybe they're not doing with the same enthusiasm

837
00:53:54.280 --> 00:53:55.840
that they did before.

838
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:59.760
But you got another man who starts out very paced.

839
00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:03.040
He's already said, hey, he don't want to invest too much

840
00:54:03.040 --> 00:54:04.040
and lose.

841
00:54:04.040 --> 00:54:05.800
He's coming from the same place you are,

842
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:07.800
so maybe he calls three times a week.

843
00:54:07.800 --> 00:54:09.920
But he don't look like he's really interested in you

844
00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:12.120
because you know, hey, there's a lot of work in you.

845
00:54:12.120 --> 00:54:14.200
If a man like you, you're going to know about it.

846
00:54:14.200 --> 00:54:15.720
And that is still true.

847
00:54:15.720 --> 00:54:17.960
But sometimes, we can take our blueprint

848
00:54:17.960 --> 00:54:20.840
and say, this is the way when a man likes you, he shows up.

849
00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:25.040
But a man can show up that way and not even be marriage minded.

850
00:54:25.040 --> 00:54:26.480
A man can show up that way and not

851
00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:28.400
have no good intentions for you.

852
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:32.280
He can show up running out the gate like a thoroughbred

853
00:54:32.280 --> 00:54:34.320
till you get halfway around the track

854
00:54:34.320 --> 00:54:37.360
and you see he was not a thoroughbred at all.

855
00:54:37.360 --> 00:54:40.680
And so that's why you have to give time to the process

856
00:54:40.680 --> 00:54:42.880
because somebody can come out the gate running, baby.

857
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:43.920
They moving.

858
00:54:43.960 --> 00:54:46.080
You thinking, they got it, they got it, got it.

859
00:54:46.080 --> 00:54:50.320
They start giving out of breath, need a little water, break down.

860
00:54:50.320 --> 00:54:53.080
And here go the one on the back end who was being paced

861
00:54:53.080 --> 00:54:54.200
and taking his time.

862
00:54:54.200 --> 00:54:56.160
And you were convinced because he didn't show up

863
00:54:56.160 --> 00:54:59.960
like the so-called thoroughbred that he

864
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.280
wasn't interested.

865
00:55:02.280 --> 00:55:07.400
And that's why it's good to ask really good questions.

866
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:09.680
And when you notice a pace that's different from yours,

867
00:55:09.680 --> 00:55:14.000
say, hey, I noticed that you operate this way.

868
00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:16.560
Could you share more with me about that?

869
00:55:16.560 --> 00:55:18.640
I noticed we only talk a couple of times a week

870
00:55:18.640 --> 00:55:19.880
or three times a week.

871
00:55:19.880 --> 00:55:21.560
Is this lack of interest?

872
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:24.720
Or is this just how you usually do things?

873
00:55:24.720 --> 00:55:27.400
And then that person is going to get to speak for themselves.

874
00:55:27.400 --> 00:55:29.440
And if you like them, you can stay in the process

875
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:33.560
a little longer, and then that pace can make you slow down.

876
00:55:33.560 --> 00:55:36.160
Their pacing will cause you to slow down.

877
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:39.640
And when you slow down, you'll be able to observe more.

878
00:55:39.640 --> 00:55:42.680
But when somebody comes out the gate and is nice,

879
00:55:42.680 --> 00:55:46.200
giving you flowers, good morning, good evening,

880
00:55:46.200 --> 00:55:48.640
texting you, talking just like you like it,

881
00:55:48.640 --> 00:55:49.920
it's going really good.

882
00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:51.800
And then when something happens, you're like,

883
00:55:51.800 --> 00:55:55.520
everything was going so good.

884
00:55:55.520 --> 00:55:57.200
Because remember, that's the blueprint.

885
00:55:57.200 --> 00:56:00.920
That's the program that we know.

886
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:02.480
And so all I'm saying is, let's be

887
00:56:02.480 --> 00:56:06.000
mindful of when someone fits just into the program

888
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:08.120
the way we want it.

889
00:56:08.120 --> 00:56:10.000
Let's not hang our hat on it and say,

890
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:17.440
this is it, because they did A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

891
00:56:17.440 --> 00:56:20.320
I've had it happen quite a few times here.

892
00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:24.640
I literally had a thought came to my mind when I said it.

893
00:56:24.640 --> 00:56:25.880
And I really liked him.

894
00:56:25.880 --> 00:56:27.120
He heard my little feelings.

895
00:56:27.120 --> 00:56:31.440
So bad, he heard my feelings.

896
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:34.360
I'm just saying, he really did hear my feelings.

897
00:56:34.360 --> 00:56:35.400
But it did.

898
00:56:35.400 --> 00:56:38.960
It was like, golly, shoot, that stings.

899
00:56:38.960 --> 00:56:40.000
Jesus, help me.

900
00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:41.800
I had to pray in tongues behind there.

901
00:56:41.800 --> 00:56:45.400
Like, you're going to have to help me today, Lord.

902
00:56:45.400 --> 00:56:46.400
Woo.

903
00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:49.840
So anyway, I hope this was good, ladies.

904
00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:51.360
And I hope I didn't.

905
00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:54.280
I hope we got to the place.

906
00:56:54.320 --> 00:56:55.920
I'm so sorry, Sandy.

907
00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:57.680
A breakup hurt.

908
00:56:57.680 --> 00:57:02.240
Telling you, it just hurt.

909
00:57:02.240 --> 00:57:04.760
Now, even before, do you remember when you were young

910
00:57:04.760 --> 00:57:07.080
and you dated and your heart got broke?

911
00:57:07.080 --> 00:57:10.320
It seemed like the world had come to an end.

912
00:57:10.320 --> 00:57:12.840
Like, just stop it.

913
00:57:12.840 --> 00:57:15.640
Just don't let the life, life cannot go on.

914
00:57:15.640 --> 00:57:16.240
I don't know.

915
00:57:16.240 --> 00:57:21.240
But discomfort, uncomfortability is our friend.

916
00:57:21.240 --> 00:57:23.520
And don't run from it, ladies.

917
00:57:23.520 --> 00:57:26.560
Listen, what you get to get right now,

918
00:57:26.560 --> 00:57:29.640
if you embrace it fully, it is preparing

919
00:57:29.640 --> 00:57:34.320
you to be a healthier version of yourself in marriage.

920
00:57:34.320 --> 00:57:37.640
Because marriage is one of God's maturity plans.

921
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:42.040
And it is not easy by a long shot,

922
00:57:42.040 --> 00:57:45.040
especially when you start to see a person's weaknesses

923
00:57:45.040 --> 00:57:47.640
and you see your very own come to the surface.

924
00:57:47.640 --> 00:57:48.680
And you can't run.

925
00:57:48.680 --> 00:57:50.240
And you ain't got nowhere to go.

926
00:57:50.240 --> 00:57:52.200
And you're going to have to deal with it.

927
00:57:52.200 --> 00:57:54.520
And if you never want to deal with your nervous system,

928
00:57:54.520 --> 00:57:56.240
you're going to have to deal with it now.

929
00:57:56.240 --> 00:57:58.480
It ain't nothing like being anxious and anxious

930
00:57:58.480 --> 00:58:00.360
and anxious until somebody says something.

931
00:58:00.360 --> 00:58:02.440
They got to say one thing to make you feel better.

932
00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:05.240
Now you feel better until it happens all over again.

933
00:58:05.240 --> 00:58:08.600
Or a person showing up and not valuing you, not honoring you.

934
00:58:08.600 --> 00:58:09.600
You may have liked them.

935
00:58:09.600 --> 00:58:12.280
They may have said all the right things before you married them.

936
00:58:12.280 --> 00:58:14.760
But there are things that you missed, that you did not see,

937
00:58:14.760 --> 00:58:17.400
that you could have measured the fruit of their character

938
00:58:17.400 --> 00:58:19.120
had you given it time.

939
00:58:19.120 --> 00:58:21.320
Because it matters a whole lot when

940
00:58:21.320 --> 00:58:23.880
you got to spend the next 50 years of your person who

941
00:58:23.880 --> 00:58:25.760
does not see you, hear you, or doesn't

942
00:58:25.760 --> 00:58:27.400
take interest to know you.

943
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:30.120
That does not feel good.

944
00:58:30.120 --> 00:58:30.760
OK?

945
00:58:30.760 --> 00:58:31.640
Yay.

946
00:58:31.640 --> 00:58:32.720
All right.

947
00:58:32.720 --> 00:58:37.040
What do we got tonight?

948
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:41.720
Go for it.

949
00:58:41.720 --> 00:58:43.400
It all came up at the same time.

950
00:58:43.400 --> 00:58:46.680
I don't know if Fran was first or Lou Ann was first.

951
00:58:46.680 --> 00:58:48.200
I know Sarah was first.

952
00:58:48.200 --> 00:58:49.880
She was first.

953
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:51.240
Go for it, Lou.

954
00:58:51.240 --> 00:58:51.920
Yeah.

955
00:58:51.920 --> 00:58:52.800
Hello.

956
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:54.200
Yay.

957
00:58:54.200 --> 00:58:59.040
So I did start dating apps yesterday.

958
00:58:59.040 --> 00:59:02.960
And it's a lot of work.

959
00:59:02.960 --> 00:59:04.200
Oh, I'm in love.

960
00:59:04.200 --> 00:59:06.080
Oh my goodness.

961
00:59:06.080 --> 00:59:08.200
Pray for you.

962
00:59:08.200 --> 00:59:10.080
Yeah, I started with Bumble.

963
00:59:10.080 --> 00:59:14.880
Because I kind of did a profile on Facebook dating.

964
00:59:14.880 --> 00:59:17.040
But I never really looked at it.

965
00:59:17.040 --> 00:59:17.760
I don't know.

966
00:59:17.800 --> 00:59:22.360
I never really put intention in it.

967
00:59:22.360 --> 00:59:25.200
And it's so hard.

968
00:59:25.200 --> 00:59:31.760
In Bumble, I'm only giving likes to whoever

969
00:59:31.760 --> 00:59:33.080
gave me the like back.

970
00:59:33.080 --> 00:59:36.160
But I'm not sure really how it works.

971
00:59:36.160 --> 00:59:41.040
And then just right now as we're talking,

972
00:59:41.040 --> 00:59:44.720
a guy that I actually know from the program I came through

973
00:59:44.720 --> 00:59:48.200
in Tulsa was talking to me.

974
00:59:48.200 --> 00:59:49.240
And I already know him.

975
00:59:49.240 --> 00:59:52.120
So then I don't know.

976
00:59:52.120 --> 00:59:53.360
It just gets uncomfortable.

977
00:59:53.360 --> 00:59:55.240
I'm so scared of first dates.

978
00:59:55.240 --> 00:59:59.600
And like yesterday, two of the guys were already like,

979
00:59:59.600 --> 01:00:01.120
we're.

980
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.160
super close. We're gonna watch the game. Do you have to come

981
01:00:05.160 --> 01:00:08.960
and join? And I'm like, what the heck? Like, I've exchanged like

982
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:11.680
three sentences with you. Like

983
01:00:14.600 --> 01:00:15.200
I know.

984
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:21.600
This is so hard. And then they're bots, bot accounts that

985
01:00:21.640 --> 01:00:26.800
you know, I easily spot them because I don't know how they

986
01:00:26.800 --> 01:00:32.320
phrase it. And like, they've they say something that's very

987
01:00:32.320 --> 01:00:36.880
chat GPT like and then whatever you answer, they already asked

988
01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:38.000
for your number.

989
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:43.680
Yeah, it's confusing.

990
01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:53.000
Yeah, it's so and it's giving me such tension to think of a

991
01:00:53.000 --> 01:00:54.320
first date. I don't know.

992
01:00:56.880 --> 01:01:00.960
So that means we need to explore why you're tensed about having a

993
01:01:00.960 --> 01:01:05.000
first date. Because it's not them that's making you tense

994
01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:08.840
about a first date. So what do you fear about first date?

995
01:01:10.160 --> 01:01:13.160
That's the question. What am I fearing about this first date?

996
01:01:14.280 --> 01:01:21.240
So much I think I've embedded in my head that is so hard to have

997
01:01:21.240 --> 01:01:27.960
to tell my whole life story, especially now that I'm 39. It's

998
01:01:27.960 --> 01:01:34.440
like, I've lived through so much and I got here. Yeah. And then

999
01:01:34.440 --> 01:01:39.280
having to hear all that too. It's like, Oh my goodness. Yeah.

1000
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:42.960
Well, maybe not go anywhere. That's that's why.

1001
01:01:43.400 --> 01:01:45.600
Why do you think you have to? I'm trying to move the camera

1002
01:01:45.600 --> 01:01:48.120
off so I can look at you at the same time. But this is really

1003
01:01:48.120 --> 01:01:52.280
challenging to do. I added a different camera. Anyway, what

1004
01:01:52.280 --> 01:01:55.280
do you think is a why do you think that says I'm out of your

1005
01:01:55.280 --> 01:01:58.040
full life story? Where do you get that from?

1006
01:02:00.080 --> 01:02:03.600
I mean, I know not on a first date, obviously, but

1007
01:02:03.960 --> 01:02:06.600
not on the second, not on the third, not on the fourth, not on

1008
01:02:06.600 --> 01:02:10.520
the fifth. So where are you? Where's this coming from? You're

1009
01:02:10.520 --> 01:02:17.080
not going to tell it on any of those dates. So it's just I

1010
01:02:17.080 --> 01:02:22.600
think, because I've shared that, like I, I married my first

1011
01:02:22.600 --> 01:02:26.960
boyfriend and stuff. And haven't been doing this. For me, like

1012
01:02:26.960 --> 01:02:30.960
there's so much at stake right now. Like, it's so different.

1013
01:02:30.960 --> 01:02:34.960
I'm very outgoing. And I meet people all the time. And I

1014
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:40.120
really don't care. And I'm genuinely myself. But then, when

1015
01:02:40.120 --> 01:02:47.200
it's this. Yeah, it's just so different. I'm like, what do I

1016
01:02:47.200 --> 01:02:53.280
wear? What do I do? How do I sit? How do I say hi? I really I

1017
01:02:53.280 --> 01:02:54.480
literally don't know.

1018
01:02:55.880 --> 01:03:00.120
What do you think is gonna so what's probably driving all of

1019
01:03:00.120 --> 01:03:05.200
these I don't know, is what you fear. So when you say what am I

1020
01:03:05.200 --> 01:03:08.440
gonna wear? What am I gonna wear? Do you fear that you're

1021
01:03:08.440 --> 01:03:11.480
going to wear something that's not pleasing? Do you have an

1022
01:03:11.480 --> 01:03:11.840
issue?

1023
01:03:13.880 --> 01:03:18.640
I do. Because I gained 40 pounds.

1024
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:26.480
So it's not that dating I lost 20 so far, which is yeah. But I

1025
01:03:26.480 --> 01:03:27.840
still have 20 to go.

1026
01:03:29.000 --> 01:03:31.720
So your issue is you're not comfortable in your body right

1027
01:03:31.720 --> 01:03:32.080
now.

1028
01:03:34.520 --> 01:03:35.280
True.

1029
01:03:35.400 --> 01:03:37.920
True. So the issue is not dating.

1030
01:03:45.360 --> 01:03:49.120
The issue is you believe the issue is you believe that your

1031
01:03:49.120 --> 01:03:53.240
past story identifies you. But that's not true. That's not your

1032
01:03:53.240 --> 01:03:57.440
identity. You believe that somehow they need to know this

1033
01:03:57.440 --> 01:04:00.120
about you. The reason why you may believe they need to know

1034
01:04:00.120 --> 01:04:03.880
this about you is because you believe is who you are. It's not

1035
01:04:04.480 --> 01:04:05.840
It's not who you are.

1036
01:04:07.320 --> 01:04:09.520
That's an experience you had.

1037
01:04:10.600 --> 01:04:14.080
And it's your experience to share or not to share. But when

1038
01:04:14.080 --> 01:04:17.520
you believe it's your identity, you believe it's required of you

1039
01:04:17.520 --> 01:04:21.480
to share so that they can make a decision about you.

1040
01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:25.960
You've already made a decision about you, that you're

1041
01:04:25.960 --> 01:04:30.720
overcomer, that nothing held you back, that you keep moving

1042
01:04:30.760 --> 01:04:32.560
forward, because that's who you are.

1043
01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:36.880
Even if you got super close to them, you didn't owe them that.

1044
01:04:37.960 --> 01:04:42.920
The things, the matters of your heart, Lou, don't need to be

1045
01:04:42.920 --> 01:04:46.160
exposed to anyone but somebody that you, after y'all have gone

1046
01:04:46.160 --> 01:04:48.760
exclusive, and you guys are going through a counseling

1047
01:04:48.760 --> 01:04:52.440
process of some sorts. You don't give away your treasures to

1048
01:04:52.440 --> 01:04:59.800
anyone. Your experience is not a slash against you. It shows who

1049
01:04:59.800 --> 01:05:00.120
you

1050
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.080
really are and what you're made of. It shows that nothing by any means can hold you down,

1051
01:05:06.080 --> 01:05:08.320
that you come back stronger and better.

1052
01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:16.560
You see? And so these are not things that you just throw out to someone who doesn't know your heart.

1053
01:05:18.000 --> 01:05:23.200
They need to know you because if you throw it out without a person knowing you, absent of knowing

1054
01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:27.280
you, then that's when you get judgmental thoughts in because they don't know you.

1055
01:05:27.280 --> 01:05:32.560
So they don't have the correct measuring tools when it comes to that. And that's why you don't

1056
01:05:32.560 --> 01:05:37.680
willingly share those things. That's not you trying to hide. That's wisdom.

1057
01:05:39.760 --> 01:05:46.800
Got you. But then I'm raised in a different culture and I think we're

1058
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:58.800
louder and more emotional and we share a bunch. And I'm not used to these shallow questions like,

1059
01:06:00.240 --> 01:06:08.640
what pizza do you like? What book do you read? Because it's like, I'm not that one person. I have

1060
01:06:09.360 --> 01:06:14.080
moments in life, like right now I'm building a business, so I'm reading a lot about starting

1061
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:21.040
a business. So I'm reading a lot about startups and biographies, but I could read novels. I had

1062
01:06:21.040 --> 01:06:30.560
moments where I was super into history and all history stuff mattered. So I'm having a lot of

1063
01:06:30.560 --> 01:06:38.240
difficulty with these like, bum, bum, bum, kind of like, you're this, you're this, you're like this,

1064
01:06:38.240 --> 01:06:44.720
you're like that, you do this, you do that. Does that make any sense? That makes me so

1065
01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:53.280
uncomfortable. Yeah. So it sounds like you're saying you struggle with your communication

1066
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:59.520
skills. And somehow you believe that if you don't talk about things that are more personal,

1067
01:06:59.520 --> 01:07:05.040
that you're on surface level. And that to know a person, you have to talk about things that are

1068
01:07:05.040 --> 01:07:12.800
intimate details to their life. Or that's what you choose to talk about. Because that is you,

1069
01:07:12.800 --> 01:07:18.240
that means this other thing is surface level in these intimate things. That's what, you know,

1070
01:07:18.240 --> 01:07:24.720
I'm that type of person. I like to talk about deep things, maybe. I think that really is who I am.

1071
01:07:24.720 --> 01:07:30.560
Because I really struggle with a question like, what do you like to do? I mean, a bunch of things.

1072
01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:41.280
I can't think, I can't be like, oh, listen to music. Like, that's, that's not me. I'm not just

1073
01:07:41.280 --> 01:07:48.640
that. So this is the thing. So then now what your journey is going to be is going to research

1074
01:07:48.640 --> 01:07:53.840
questions that are appropriate for getting to know a person. Because the truth is, you believe it's

1075
01:07:53.840 --> 01:07:59.280
not you. But what it is, it's not wisdom, Lou. That's not wisdom. It's not wisdom to share

1076
01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:05.600
intimate parts of who you are with a stranger and call it death. That's not death that lacks wisdom.

1077
01:08:06.560 --> 01:08:10.640
Because that's not how it works. No matter what culture you're from, you're going to have to

1078
01:08:10.640 --> 01:08:14.400
adopt a different culture. And just because it's your culture doesn't make it healthy.

1079
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:20.640
Because in no means do you get in front of a stranger, even if it's one month and two months.

1080
01:08:20.640 --> 01:08:25.680
Because once you start exchanging intimate things about your life, you create an emotional

1081
01:08:25.680 --> 01:08:32.720
attachment. It's almost no way around it because you brought them into your bedroom.

1082
01:08:33.760 --> 01:08:37.439
And I've used this example before, and I want you to think about this thing.

1083
01:08:37.439 --> 01:08:42.479
When somebody knocks on your door and they're selling satellites to go on top of the house,

1084
01:08:43.120 --> 01:08:48.720
those solar panels, and you go to the door, do you open door and say, come on in. I'm just

1085
01:08:48.720 --> 01:08:53.840
going to use the bathroom, but follow me back here. That's what you do when you meet somebody

1086
01:08:53.840 --> 01:08:58.240
and you bring them into your bedroom, you bring them into your bathroom, you bring into the most

1087
01:08:58.240 --> 01:09:02.240
intimate spaces of your house. They're a stranger. They have to stay at the door and talk to you

1088
01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:05.920
through the crack because you don't know what's going to happen if you let them in your house

1089
01:09:05.920 --> 01:09:11.920
because you don't know them. This is called wisdom. And so what-

1090
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:20.000
Okay. So can I take a step back? I'm not sharing or oversharing or hoping to overshare.

1091
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:31.120
What I mean is I don't enjoy those conversations and I struggle with

1092
01:09:32.479 --> 01:09:42.960
just simplifying those things because I find that I'm not being genuine. Is that more of what it is?

1093
01:09:42.960 --> 01:09:49.439
I know what you're saying, but you identified yourself in such a way that you believe

1094
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:55.280
that intimate questions are right. You believe that this is who you are. It's just because you

1095
01:09:55.280 --> 01:09:59.840
haven't developed your other communication skill. I enjoy asking-

1096
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.200
I don't ask surface level questions.

1097
01:10:02.200 --> 01:10:04.360
I don't talk about surface level things.

1098
01:10:04.360 --> 01:10:06.120
I wouldn't say I'm a surface level.

1099
01:10:06.120 --> 01:10:10.220
I can do high and bad, but people are so vast.

1100
01:10:10.220 --> 01:10:11.860
There's so many different things.

1101
01:10:11.860 --> 01:10:14.120
So let's say right now you into business.

1102
01:10:14.120 --> 01:10:15.460
You can ask a question.

1103
01:10:15.460 --> 01:10:17.200
You ever started a business before?

1104
01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:18.320
If you could start a business,

1105
01:10:18.320 --> 01:10:20.040
what type of business would you start?

1106
01:10:20.040 --> 01:10:21.840
That person may say, you know what?

1107
01:10:21.840 --> 01:10:23.960
I've always wanted to run an ice cream shop.

1108
01:10:23.960 --> 01:10:24.880
Really?

1109
01:10:24.880 --> 01:10:26.880
What made you say ice cream shop?

1110
01:10:26.880 --> 01:10:28.480
Like this is a real conversation

1111
01:10:28.480 --> 01:10:29.800
and you're actually getting to know

1112
01:10:29.800 --> 01:10:31.840
about some of their dreams.

1113
01:10:31.840 --> 01:10:33.600
They may say, when I was little,

1114
01:10:33.600 --> 01:10:35.440
I really want to do an ice cream truck.

1115
01:10:35.440 --> 01:10:36.760
When the ice cream truck used to come

1116
01:10:36.760 --> 01:10:39.000
through the neighborhood, I used to ask my mom for money

1117
01:10:39.000 --> 01:10:40.680
and I would run out and dah, dah, dah, dah.

1118
01:10:40.680 --> 01:10:42.880
And then you start learning all these things about them.

1119
01:10:42.880 --> 01:10:44.400
If they're funny, if they're fun.

1120
01:10:44.400 --> 01:10:46.800
This has nothing to do, this is just a conversation

1121
01:10:46.800 --> 01:10:49.720
that I just popped up at the top of my head.

1122
01:10:49.720 --> 01:10:51.360
Nothing boring about that.

1123
01:10:51.360 --> 01:10:53.080
I so want to meet someone

1124
01:10:53.080 --> 01:10:55.840
that wants to open an ice cream shop.

1125
01:10:55.840 --> 01:10:57.920
Now I want that happening.

1126
01:10:57.920 --> 01:10:59.560
But it's not that you want that,

1127
01:10:59.560 --> 01:11:02.320
it's that you are interested in business

1128
01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:07.080
and you're learning that they have an entrepreneur mind.

1129
01:11:07.080 --> 01:11:10.960
So the problem is your spectrum is not stretched enough

1130
01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:13.760
because you say right now you're learning about a business.

1131
01:11:13.760 --> 01:11:15.160
And if you're talking to somebody

1132
01:11:15.160 --> 01:11:17.640
and you ever wanted a business minded man

1133
01:11:17.640 --> 01:11:20.280
and you ask that question and you begin to hear

1134
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:22.400
he does have the heart of an entrepreneur,

1135
01:11:22.400 --> 01:11:25.840
you can go back to your little list and make a check.

1136
01:11:25.840 --> 01:11:27.040
And then he may can talk to you

1137
01:11:27.040 --> 01:11:28.880
about a book that he read.

1138
01:11:28.880 --> 01:11:30.560
It started with the memory.

1139
01:11:30.560 --> 01:11:31.880
It started with the questioning.

1140
01:11:31.880 --> 01:11:33.400
If you could start any kind of business,

1141
01:11:33.400 --> 01:11:34.640
what would you start?

1142
01:11:34.640 --> 01:11:37.040
But it opens up more to you about that person.

1143
01:11:37.040 --> 01:11:39.960
So I use the ice cream truck, but it could be anything.

1144
01:11:39.960 --> 01:11:42.960
I've always wanted to do a snow business in my small town.

1145
01:11:42.960 --> 01:11:44.360
It's the same as ice cream.

1146
01:11:46.160 --> 01:11:51.160
So, you know, you call it what you want.

1147
01:11:52.080 --> 01:11:57.080
You don't have the language or the files to pull from

1148
01:11:57.560 --> 01:12:00.240
to be able to produce this type of communication.

1149
01:12:00.240 --> 01:12:05.240
And so what you wanna do is you wanna go to chat GPT or AI

1150
01:12:05.280 --> 01:12:08.400
and ask them like, I have this whole list,

1151
01:12:08.400 --> 01:12:10.360
month one to first 30 days,

1152
01:12:10.360 --> 01:12:12.520
what type of questions would you talk about?

1153
01:12:12.520 --> 01:12:14.640
And they're not boring.

1154
01:12:14.640 --> 01:12:17.880
Next 30 to 60, taking you from level to level.

1155
01:12:17.880 --> 01:12:19.320
And when you see those questions,

1156
01:12:19.320 --> 01:12:20.760
it starts training your brain like,

1157
01:12:21.400 --> 01:12:23.600
oh, okay, that's interesting.

1158
01:12:23.600 --> 01:12:24.880
Oh, you can do this.

1159
01:12:24.880 --> 01:12:26.320
You could do that.

1160
01:12:26.320 --> 01:12:27.760
And so that deals with that.

1161
01:12:30.520 --> 01:12:32.160
Okay, thank you.

1162
01:12:32.160 --> 01:12:33.160
You're welcome.

1163
01:12:34.600 --> 01:12:35.920
All right, next person.

1164
01:12:40.680 --> 01:12:42.600
So I have a question.

1165
01:12:45.000 --> 01:12:48.080
So when you match with someone,

1166
01:12:48.080 --> 01:12:50.600
you really like their profile.

1167
01:12:51.480 --> 01:12:55.000
Like from what you're saying on the app.

1168
01:12:55.000 --> 01:12:58.400
And then after three days, they ask for your number.

1169
01:13:01.280 --> 01:13:02.840
For me, I feel like it's really soon.

1170
01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:06.560
Like, I mean, we only exchange just a few pleasantries

1171
01:13:06.560 --> 01:13:09.240
and then you're asking me for my number.

1172
01:13:09.240 --> 01:13:11.760
Typically I tell them that I'm not comfortable

1173
01:13:11.760 --> 01:13:13.760
and most people are okay with it,

1174
01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:16.760
but I wonder like, is it a good strategy?

1175
01:13:16.760 --> 01:13:17.600
Like, is it?

1176
01:13:21.040 --> 01:13:22.280
Like, what do you say to those people?

1177
01:13:22.280 --> 01:13:23.760
Because I'm very skeptical too

1178
01:13:23.760 --> 01:13:26.680
of those people who ask your number really, really fast.

1179
01:13:26.680 --> 01:13:28.360
Like, I feel like it might be a scam

1180
01:13:28.360 --> 01:13:30.600
or someone who just wanna play.

1181
01:13:32.160 --> 01:13:33.200
You know what I mean?

1182
01:13:34.400 --> 01:13:35.800
Yeah.

1183
01:13:35.800 --> 01:13:37.040
Yeah.

1184
01:13:37.040 --> 01:13:39.680
I think what you're doing is fine

1185
01:13:39.680 --> 01:13:41.880
and people do receive it very well.

1186
01:13:44.360 --> 01:13:49.360
But I will tell you, I myself am a very,

1187
01:13:49.720 --> 01:13:54.120
this is not, this is Ebony, this is who I am.

1188
01:13:54.120 --> 01:13:55.720
I move quickly.

1189
01:13:55.720 --> 01:13:59.040
Meaning I'm not gonna talk to you more than two days.

1190
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:02.600
I don't have time to come into a data app and text anybody.

1191
01:14:02.600 --> 01:14:05.200
So I am a more quickly moving person.

1192
01:14:05.200 --> 01:14:07.880
So by the second day, if they haven't said anything,

1193
01:14:07.880 --> 01:14:09.720
especially if it's some heavy communication

1194
01:14:09.720 --> 01:14:11.240
and you're trying to go back and forth

1195
01:14:11.240 --> 01:14:14.280
and learn all this stuff, I'm like pretty much,

1196
01:14:14.280 --> 01:14:17.040
I was like, hey, these are all really great questions.

1197
01:14:17.040 --> 01:14:18.800
I am interested in getting to know you

1198
01:14:19.240 --> 01:14:21.040
a little bit better and we can talk about these questions.

1199
01:14:21.040 --> 01:14:23.080
If you would like, we can exchange numbers

1200
01:14:23.080 --> 01:14:24.720
and set a time to talk.

1201
01:14:24.720 --> 01:14:26.680
That's me on day two.

1202
01:14:26.680 --> 01:14:31.040
So I don't have a, only time somebody can move really fast

1203
01:14:31.040 --> 01:14:32.960
for me if I say hi, and you know how they do,

1204
01:14:32.960 --> 01:14:35.240
here's my number, call me.

1205
01:14:35.240 --> 01:14:38.480
You'll be like, no, bro, that's not gonna happen.

1206
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:39.520
That's a little too quick.

1207
01:14:39.520 --> 01:14:41.320
Like, hello, here's my number.

1208
01:14:41.320 --> 01:14:42.840
I don't do it that quickly.

1209
01:14:42.840 --> 01:14:44.520
But I don't think there's anything wrong with you

1210
01:14:44.520 --> 01:14:45.360
on the third day saying,

1211
01:14:45.360 --> 01:14:47.960
hey, I'm not comfortable with that yet.

1212
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:51.320
But I like to have, personally,

1213
01:14:51.320 --> 01:14:53.440
so we kind of teach you within the week

1214
01:14:53.440 --> 01:14:55.360
you want to have a date.

1215
01:14:55.360 --> 01:14:58.200
And so I rather, and you don't have to give a person

1216
01:14:58.200 --> 01:15:00.080
your number to pull that out either.

1217
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.800
You know like if you want to give a Google number you're not ready to give them access like that

1218
01:15:05.800 --> 01:15:06.400
You can say hey

1219
01:15:06.400 --> 01:15:09.200
I'm enjoying getting to talk to you on the app and

1220
01:15:09.440 --> 01:15:13.560
Then you come down to a week and you do want to meet them. You could still go out for coffee

1221
01:15:13.560 --> 01:15:17.520
I don't know if I answer your question friend, but I do know the first part of my answer was

1222
01:15:17.680 --> 01:15:20.180
There's nothing wrong with it. That's your pacing

1223
01:15:22.360 --> 01:15:24.360
But I wouldn't go longer than a week

1224
01:15:25.360 --> 01:15:31.080
Hmm, I think I would lose interest. I I've never talked to anybody for a week on a dating app

1225
01:15:31.880 --> 01:15:38.720
Really? I don't know. What would we talk about? Okay. I don't for it bothers me to talk to a person

1226
01:15:38.720 --> 01:15:44.880
I don't know them like I can't see them. So my first order of business is when I exchange numbers with you there

1227
01:15:44.880 --> 01:15:50.000
I'll say hey, I'm gonna send a text. Are you okay with me saving your number? Let's schedule a FaceTime

1228
01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:55.880
That's what I say, it's just hard for me to talk to a person I've never seen you before

1229
01:15:56.880 --> 01:16:02.400
It's like it's weird to me. And so I am very like let's get some face

1230
01:16:03.200 --> 01:16:05.560
Even if for a minute, I just need some face

1231
01:16:06.680 --> 01:16:10.320
Like I don't know what maybe other people also are you know?

1232
01:16:11.120 --> 01:16:12.680
encountering this

1233
01:16:12.680 --> 01:16:17.440
but like I'm afraid of the 90-day fiance type of trope and

1234
01:16:17.680 --> 01:16:22.040
I feel like a lot of the people that get really excited and want your number right away

1235
01:16:22.520 --> 01:16:26.520
Often and I mentioned that a little bit, you know last last week

1236
01:16:27.080 --> 01:16:31.880
People that are new to the country very new where maybe they don't have their work permit situation

1237
01:16:32.480 --> 01:16:35.800
Sorted out or like, you know, like you never know

1238
01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:42.040
So I'm really like for me it's a it's a yellow flag if not a red flag

1239
01:16:42.040 --> 01:16:48.200
But it's something that makes me pause and be like I need to be very careful because you just arrived in the country

1240
01:16:48.200 --> 01:16:50.200
You're very new. What are you looking for?

1241
01:16:50.320 --> 01:16:55.560
What can you add to a relationship when you're still figuring out things for yourself?

1242
01:16:56.360 --> 01:17:02.480
You know what? I mean? I'm not 25 or 28 anymore. I'm 36. So I don't have time to

1243
01:17:04.760 --> 01:17:06.400
Support or

1244
01:17:06.400 --> 01:17:12.640
Accompany someone who's figuring things out and they're not even sure that there can stay in the country for longer or whatnot. So

1245
01:17:14.120 --> 01:17:16.120
Yeah

1246
01:17:16.800 --> 01:17:22.740
I think I've never I don't say never but I don't believe I've encountered a lot of people like that

1247
01:17:22.880 --> 01:17:25.880
and so that's not something that I think about but

1248
01:17:26.800 --> 01:17:29.240
Nothing wrong what you're saying? I think that yeah

1249
01:17:29.240 --> 01:17:35.680
I mean, I don't get a little nervous, but I'd be afraid to say this like if they're not from this country

1250
01:17:35.920 --> 01:17:39.680
I'm like, oh you're from something. I'd be want to be like, well, look how long you been here?

1251
01:17:39.680 --> 01:17:42.440
Are you a citizen because then I do get a little nervous

1252
01:17:43.480 --> 01:17:45.480
Like are you like?

1253
01:17:47.880 --> 01:17:52.880
It's don't like can I say this so I'm like, are you how long have you been in USA?

1254
01:17:55.960 --> 01:17:58.880
Can I see your documents like can you say that to

1255
01:17:59.480 --> 01:18:01.480
And

1256
01:18:01.880 --> 01:18:08.000
Then sometimes I try to be real my listen I'm a little nervous because they say sometimes

1257
01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:12.760
You'd be so funny, but I do say I try to keep the same face

1258
01:18:13.040 --> 01:18:17.760
Like what you are you trying to like deal with me so you can get citizenship and they get offended

1259
01:18:17.760 --> 01:18:22.120
But I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to dance around it and I need to know

1260
01:18:22.120 --> 01:18:28.920
Because you know, you're asking me and I just like they axiom they shouldn't be talking it like they'd be singing a song for me

1261
01:18:28.920 --> 01:18:32.720
And I'd be having to get hold to this stuff. I'm like, let's straighten this stuff out

1262
01:18:33.400 --> 01:18:35.400
What do you want?

1263
01:18:38.600 --> 01:18:42.680
The Nigerian me and my word, what do you want sir?

1264
01:18:45.480 --> 01:18:47.480
Go ahead

1265
01:18:47.480 --> 01:18:49.480
So, thank you for answering that's helpful

1266
01:18:50.000 --> 01:18:57.640
So, okay, I'm not just being paranoid I'm like, okay, that's good and then that person that I'm talking to they're new to the country

1267
01:18:59.160 --> 01:19:03.080
There were four five years from what they say in the United States and now they move to

1268
01:19:03.640 --> 01:19:07.320
Canada and it's been just a year that they've been here and

1269
01:19:07.880 --> 01:19:13.400
On the profile it says CEO and CEO can mean anything to be honest. I

1270
01:19:13.960 --> 01:19:16.520
Doesn't mean that you are a high earner

1271
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:23.640
Like you could be someone that you know has a business where it's a one-person business and you go to people's houses and you clean

1272
01:19:24.280 --> 01:19:25.880
you know

1273
01:19:25.880 --> 01:19:31.880
You yeah, you you do house housekeeping and cleaning or yard, whatever

1274
01:19:32.600 --> 01:19:33.800
work

1275
01:19:33.800 --> 01:19:36.840
so that's what they put on their profile and I'm like, I

1276
01:19:37.960 --> 01:19:41.960
Talked to my brother and my brother is like that's a red flag. Why would you put CEO?

1277
01:19:41.960 --> 01:19:47.080
On your dating profile, so I wanted to have your input as well. Like should I take it as a red flag?

1278
01:19:48.280 --> 01:19:52.840
I don't know if it's a red flag, but I will tell you if somebody was a real CEO

1279
01:19:53.320 --> 01:19:56.760
They generally wouldn't put that because they wouldn't want to attract people

1280
01:19:57.320 --> 01:19:59.800
So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put it as a red flag

1281
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.280
black women who just want money from them.

1282
01:20:00.360 --> 01:20:04.520
I don't know if it's a red flag, but I will tell you if somebody was a real CEO

1283
01:20:03.280 --> 01:20:05.800
And so I would just say, you know, I talked to,

1284
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:07.800
They generally wouldn't put that because they wouldn't want to attract people

1285
01:20:05.800 --> 01:20:07.640
so tell me more about your company.

1286
01:20:07.640 --> 01:20:10.160
I would just see, you know, what would they say?

1287
01:20:10.160 --> 01:20:12.440
Because I can't say that it's a red flag,

1288
01:20:12.440 --> 01:20:14.500
but it's an interesting thing

1289
01:20:14.500 --> 01:20:16.040
because I don't see it that way.

1290
01:20:16.040 --> 01:20:18.600
And so, you know, when people put those types of things

1291
01:20:18.600 --> 01:20:22.360
on their, you know, put that, you know,

1292
01:20:22.360 --> 01:20:24.440
I have this awareness, like you said,

1293
01:20:24.440 --> 01:20:26.440
well, that really doesn't mean anything.

1294
01:20:27.400 --> 01:20:31.360
I mean, like you literally can own your own loan company.

1295
01:20:31.360 --> 01:20:33.520
It's nothing wrong with it, but it's true.

1296
01:20:35.360 --> 01:20:37.720
It's not that you're such a high earner

1297
01:20:37.720 --> 01:20:39.880
or they put it at my own business.

1298
01:20:39.880 --> 01:20:42.080
Well, what kind of business you got, buddy?

1299
01:20:45.680 --> 01:20:48.600
I learned the hard way, five years or more.

1300
01:20:48.600 --> 01:20:50.460
So I learned the hard way

1301
01:20:50.460 --> 01:20:52.000
that the people were saying something.

1302
01:20:52.000 --> 01:20:55.920
And then when we got to talk after a couple of months,

1303
01:20:56.440 --> 01:20:59.120
I realized that, well, your business is actually you

1304
01:20:59.120 --> 01:21:00.800
going and like cleaning houses.

1305
01:21:00.800 --> 01:21:01.960
So that's your business.

1306
01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:05.680
And I'm like, which is why, like,

1307
01:21:05.680 --> 01:21:08.660
I talk about, you know, wanting someone that matches me

1308
01:21:08.660 --> 01:21:11.520
because I've had experiences, you know,

1309
01:21:11.520 --> 01:21:16.040
where it's like, what are you doing?

1310
01:21:16.040 --> 01:21:19.060
So that's also why I have that in mind.

1311
01:21:20.040 --> 01:21:24.000
And another question, that's my last question, I promise.

1312
01:21:24.000 --> 01:21:29.000
Should I put on my profile that I am a manager

1313
01:21:32.400 --> 01:21:34.760
because I feel like it can also attract those people

1314
01:21:34.760 --> 01:21:35.960
who are looking for whatever,

1315
01:21:35.960 --> 01:21:39.160
especially because I'm over 35 now.

1316
01:21:39.160 --> 01:21:40.880
And so people might think, oh, she's old.

1317
01:21:40.880 --> 01:21:43.260
She doesn't have kids yet.

1318
01:21:43.260 --> 01:21:44.120
She has good money.

1319
01:21:44.120 --> 01:21:46.860
She might just want like someone just for comfort

1320
01:21:46.860 --> 01:21:48.160
and attract those types of people

1321
01:21:48.160 --> 01:21:50.460
that want to take advantage of you, so.

1322
01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:52.920
No, you don't have to put that on here.

1323
01:21:52.920 --> 01:21:54.880
You can put anything on there.

1324
01:21:56.160 --> 01:21:58.480
I mean, Edwin, she just said

1325
01:21:58.480 --> 01:22:00.740
she didn't put her profession on there.

1326
01:22:02.040 --> 01:22:03.240
I used to not put it,

1327
01:22:03.240 --> 01:22:06.520
but I wasn't attracting the level of guys that I wanted.

1328
01:22:06.520 --> 01:22:08.080
So I was like, I need to put it out there

1329
01:22:08.080 --> 01:22:10.320
so people know that I'm educated.

1330
01:22:10.320 --> 01:22:11.520
Like, you know what I mean?

1331
01:22:11.520 --> 01:22:12.760
I have a good job.

1332
01:22:12.760 --> 01:22:16.720
And then now I feel like it's just like a circle,

1333
01:22:16.720 --> 01:22:18.840
like the dog biting their tail,

1334
01:22:18.840 --> 01:22:21.420
because I'm like, now I put that now,

1335
01:22:21.420 --> 01:22:24.500
but I'm not attracting the type of guy

1336
01:22:24.500 --> 01:22:28.060
that, you know, would match this.

1337
01:22:28.060 --> 01:22:32.100
So it's just like, I'm not sure what to do, to be honest.

1338
01:22:32.100 --> 01:22:35.580
I will tell you, I wouldn't put as much weight on it.

1339
01:22:35.580 --> 01:22:37.380
And I'm going to tell you why.

1340
01:22:37.380 --> 01:22:40.340
Men who are marriage-minded, mature and masculine

1341
01:22:40.340 --> 01:22:43.380
usually are not as invested in what that woman does

1342
01:22:43.380 --> 01:22:45.700
because he's prepared to care for her.

1343
01:22:45.700 --> 01:22:49.840
Generally a man who is of a certain level,

1344
01:22:50.520 --> 01:22:51.920
I've had men tell me,

1345
01:22:51.920 --> 01:22:54.720
I really don't care if you work or not.

1346
01:22:54.720 --> 01:22:56.360
True, I don't really.

1347
01:22:56.360 --> 01:22:57.400
They didn't care what I did.

1348
01:22:57.400 --> 01:22:58.800
They didn't even read my profile,

1349
01:22:58.800 --> 01:23:02.080
but they genuinely, they were that of level

1350
01:23:02.080 --> 01:23:04.440
that it didn't matter much to them.

1351
01:23:04.440 --> 01:23:07.200
But when, of course, you know, I have degrees

1352
01:23:07.200 --> 01:23:08.400
and so that's on there too.

1353
01:23:08.400 --> 01:23:11.400
So you already know you're dealing with an educated person

1354
01:23:11.400 --> 01:23:15.280
because on Facebook dating, you put your degrees on there.

1355
01:23:15.280 --> 01:23:18.600
Like if you have master's or all these degrees.

1356
01:23:18.600 --> 01:23:21.240
But I think that you can put it,

1357
01:23:21.240 --> 01:23:23.280
or you can use other words,

1358
01:23:23.280 --> 01:23:25.880
or you can put the name of the company

1359
01:23:25.880 --> 01:23:28.440
or something similar to that company

1360
01:23:28.440 --> 01:23:31.000
because you'll get a chance to talk to that person.

1361
01:23:32.680 --> 01:23:37.680
You know, so you can put something else there.

1362
01:23:38.640 --> 01:23:39.800
Okay.

1363
01:23:39.800 --> 01:23:41.720
I also put it because I was like,

1364
01:23:41.720 --> 01:23:42.980
they know that I have a good job.

1365
01:23:42.980 --> 01:23:44.400
They know I'm not a gold digger.

1366
01:23:44.400 --> 01:23:48.120
So it appeases the type of men that matches my,

1367
01:23:48.520 --> 01:23:49.960
I think education, you're right.

1368
01:23:49.960 --> 01:23:51.080
Education should be enough

1369
01:23:51.080 --> 01:23:53.900
and then I don't have to go into more.

1370
01:23:53.900 --> 01:23:54.740
Yeah.

1371
01:23:54.740 --> 01:23:57.200
And I wouldn't,

1372
01:23:58.960 --> 01:24:01.600
yeah, I wouldn't give a lot of weight to that.

1373
01:24:01.600 --> 01:24:02.600
Not like that.

1374
01:24:02.600 --> 01:24:05.960
I think you should just let your education take care of it.

1375
01:24:05.960 --> 01:24:08.200
Don't give a lot of weight to that.

1376
01:24:08.200 --> 01:24:09.160
Okay. Sounds good.

1377
01:24:09.160 --> 01:24:10.160
Thank you.

1378
01:24:10.160 --> 01:24:11.800
You're welcome.

1379
01:24:11.800 --> 01:24:13.500
Go for, I think it's Sarah.

1380
01:24:15.640 --> 01:24:17.400
Hi.

1381
01:24:18.160 --> 01:24:19.840
It's been a long time.

1382
01:24:19.840 --> 01:24:20.680
I know.

1383
01:24:22.920 --> 01:24:24.440
Speaking of work and jobs,

1384
01:24:24.440 --> 01:24:27.540
I've been trying really hard for a promotion,

1385
01:24:27.540 --> 01:24:30.520
haven't been dating and I just got it last week and,

1386
01:24:30.520 --> 01:24:31.360
Woo!

1387
01:24:32.480 --> 01:24:33.320
Thank you.

1388
01:24:33.320 --> 01:24:35.000
But at the same time,

1389
01:24:37.200 --> 01:24:40.360
might be dating again now with a guy from work

1390
01:24:40.360 --> 01:24:42.600
and I've got, I don't know.

1391
01:24:43.680 --> 01:24:44.760
I've got a list of questions,

1392
01:24:44.760 --> 01:24:47.360
but I'm just going to keep it really short into one.

1393
01:24:48.880 --> 01:24:49.720
I think one.

1394
01:24:50.640 --> 01:24:55.280
So this guy started new in my department

1395
01:24:55.280 --> 01:24:58.640
and now we're the same level before he was above me, but.

1396
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.000
And we don't, like, report to each other any of that, but we're in the same department, just on different teams.

1397
01:25:06.000 --> 01:25:12.000
And I thought I had noticed, like, we were kind of flirty at work, like, I think he's super attractive.

1398
01:25:12.000 --> 01:25:22.000
We've been hitting it off, like, just talking about work stuff, but, like, a little, like, some good eye contact, that kind of thing.

1399
01:25:22.000 --> 01:25:31.000
Anyway, over the weekend, he liked me on Bumble, and I let it sit for a while until last night.

1400
01:25:31.000 --> 01:25:40.000
I returned the like, and, anyway, I didn't say anything yet, because I have one of those openers where they can respond first.

1401
01:25:40.000 --> 01:25:44.000
You know, normally, emails have to, anyway, he hasn't said anything, but we were almost out of time.

1402
01:25:44.000 --> 01:25:48.000
And so, just, like, right before this call, I said, you know, you look familiar.

1403
01:25:48.000 --> 01:25:58.000
And he, I don't know, he hasn't answered, and I'm just, like, a nervous wreck about this, because I don't know.

1404
01:25:58.000 --> 01:26:06.000
Like, again, like, I could be way misreading this whole what I thought was flirting at work, and what if he doesn't respond, and I have to see him at work.

1405
01:26:07.000 --> 01:26:13.000
I'm all over the place. Excited, but nervous, and probably overthinking a lot of it.

1406
01:26:13.000 --> 01:26:17.000
But, I also don't know enough about him. I don't even know if he's a Christian.

1407
01:26:17.000 --> 01:26:22.000
I don't know any of these things, but, and we were talking earlier about, you know, do you make stuff up in your head?

1408
01:26:22.000 --> 01:26:33.000
And, yes, I've already planned our marriage, but I just, there's so, I know we're getting married, but there's so, I don't know anything about this man yet.

1409
01:26:33.000 --> 01:26:37.000
Anyway, there's a whole lot more detail I could add. I'll stop there.

1410
01:26:37.000 --> 01:26:44.000
I don't know what my question is. I'm just nervous and excited, and what do I do if he doesn't respond tonight?

1411
01:26:44.000 --> 01:26:51.000
Listen, when you get to work, say, huh, you decide to join me on Facebook. What's the dating app called?

1412
01:26:51.000 --> 01:26:52.000
Bumble.

1413
01:26:52.000 --> 01:26:59.000
Walk up to him. You go see him first. Don't hide. Say, oh, you join me on Bumble, huh? Did you know you match with me?

1414
01:27:00.000 --> 01:27:05.000
Very fun and exciting. He's like, oh, yeah, I was intentionally doing that.

1415
01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:11.000
Well, how about we grab a cup of coffee and see if we're a good fit before we fall out on this job?

1416
01:27:11.000 --> 01:27:17.000
Ebony, you're way bolder than me. Okay. You're right, though.

1417
01:27:17.000 --> 01:27:21.000
What happens when you do this, it's going to put you in control.

1418
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:25.000
It's going to put you in a position to make it sound friendly.

1419
01:27:26.000 --> 01:27:32.000
And let's grab a cup of coffee because what we're not going to do is fall out on this job because we didn't date well.

1420
01:27:32.000 --> 01:27:37.000
So let's go hang out and see what we have in common.

1421
01:27:37.000 --> 01:27:43.000
When you sit down, if you get to create the way you want instead of him saying, oh, I saw you match back.

1422
01:27:43.000 --> 01:27:48.000
Like, make it like that. Like, I don't know. I don't know the word for it.

1423
01:27:48.000 --> 01:27:53.000
But you get to put your playfulness in it. You get to add the energy that you want.

1424
01:27:53.000 --> 01:27:58.000
So the reason why you're doing it, you're investing in winning with it doesn't work out.

1425
01:27:58.000 --> 01:28:04.000
Okay. And you sit down, listen, say, so because I don't want to spoil a great working relationship,

1426
01:28:04.000 --> 01:28:09.000
I'm just going to run through some questions that I would not normally ask a person on the first date.

1427
01:28:09.000 --> 01:28:14.000
Do you believe in Jesus and how? Oh, man, you know, I'm really a preacher.

1428
01:28:14.000 --> 01:28:17.000
So let's just get to know each other. You know, right.

1429
01:28:17.000 --> 01:28:21.000
So that's when you get to get that fun bounce and you get to show who you are like that,

1430
01:28:21.000 --> 01:28:25.000
because I don't want you feeling some type of way when you go to work.

1431
01:28:25.000 --> 01:28:28.000
And you got to keep it light and fun when you do these questions.

1432
01:28:28.000 --> 01:28:35.000
I'm going to let's do some checks so we won't have no issues. Yeah. Yeah. OK.

1433
01:28:35.000 --> 01:28:42.000
You could do it. Thank you. What was it?

1434
01:28:42.000 --> 01:28:48.000
I think for now, I'm still waiting on him to respond. OK, so congratulations.

1435
01:28:48.000 --> 01:29:00.000
Thank you. You're welcome. OK. Oh, Bunny, Miss Bunny.

1436
01:29:00.000 --> 01:29:09.000
Hi. Hey, how's it going? Well, remember last week I said yes.

1437
01:29:09.000 --> 01:29:21.000
Well, I think he's a catfish. He has been love bombing me for a week.

1438
01:29:21.000 --> 01:29:26.000
OK. And I said, when was it? Sunday night.

1439
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:32.000
I texted him and I said, I think we ought to have lunch.

1440
01:29:32.000 --> 01:29:37.000
What's good time for you? Well, now he's four hours away.

1441
01:29:38.000 --> 01:29:47.000
I don't think he's even real. All his responses were perfect.

1442
01:29:47.000 --> 01:29:53.000
Answering everything I said in a really loving way.

1443
01:29:53.000 --> 01:29:59.000
And the last time he texted me on Sunday early in the day.

1444
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.280
sent me another picture and he's blowing a kiss.

1445
01:30:05.280 --> 01:30:07.040
Oh, man.

1446
01:30:07.040 --> 01:30:08.040
Like that.

1447
01:30:08.040 --> 01:30:09.360
Oh!

1448
01:30:09.360 --> 01:30:10.280
Yeah.

1449
01:30:10.280 --> 01:30:15.000
And I mean, it has been cohesive

1450
01:30:15.000 --> 01:30:19.160
from the first sentence, okay,

1451
01:30:19.160 --> 01:30:23.440
that we connect on everything just about.

1452
01:30:23.440 --> 01:30:27.680
And I think that's AI, I really, really do.

1453
01:30:28.520 --> 01:30:33.520
So then I was trying to see, validate his picture.

1454
01:30:35.880 --> 01:30:39.200
I had five pictures of him.

1455
01:30:39.200 --> 01:30:44.120
And so three of them, I tried to validate

1456
01:30:45.920 --> 01:30:48.200
through a couple of different things.

1457
01:30:48.200 --> 01:30:51.440
One of them was Google image.

1458
01:30:52.560 --> 01:30:56.840
I forget the name of the other one for his face.

1459
01:30:56.840 --> 01:31:01.440
It would diagnose his facial features,

1460
01:31:01.440 --> 01:31:06.440
but there is no other pictures of him anywhere.

1461
01:31:09.360 --> 01:31:12.520
And so I think he isn't real,

1462
01:31:12.520 --> 01:31:16.200
but also I looked him up on Truthfinder

1463
01:31:17.840 --> 01:31:21.960
and Intellius, I think it's called,

1464
01:31:21.960 --> 01:31:24.720
and one other,

1465
01:31:24.720 --> 01:31:29.120
and they can't find anything for this name

1466
01:31:29.120 --> 01:31:32.480
at that age in that city.

1467
01:31:33.560 --> 01:31:34.640
Okay.

1468
01:31:34.640 --> 01:31:38.360
And so I really think he's fake.

1469
01:31:38.360 --> 01:31:42.720
So then Sunday night, I'm asking, let's have lunch.

1470
01:31:42.720 --> 01:31:47.720
We've been texting one to three times a day up to then,

1471
01:31:49.120 --> 01:31:51.880
and I have heard zero since then.

1472
01:31:52.880 --> 01:31:56.000
And I did it to flush him out

1473
01:31:56.000 --> 01:32:01.000
because what's the point of continuing if he's not real?

1474
01:32:02.520 --> 01:32:07.520
And if he's not real, he will not want to meet up with me.

1475
01:32:07.840 --> 01:32:09.040
Right.

1476
01:32:09.040 --> 01:32:09.920
That was a good one.

1477
01:32:09.920 --> 01:32:10.880
That was really good.

1478
01:32:10.880 --> 01:32:11.720
Yeah.

1479
01:32:11.720 --> 01:32:14.720
So that's what I did, but I'm sad.

1480
01:32:15.840 --> 01:32:16.680
I know.

1481
01:32:16.680 --> 01:32:20.360
I was very much excited about this person

1482
01:32:20.360 --> 01:32:23.200
until I started thinking, you know,

1483
01:32:23.200 --> 01:32:26.640
I'm not so sure about this.

1484
01:32:26.640 --> 01:32:28.640
Yeah, I'm so sorry.

1485
01:32:28.640 --> 01:32:30.320
It was too perfect.

1486
01:32:30.320 --> 01:32:32.840
He's awesome, but he's not real.

1487
01:32:32.840 --> 01:32:37.840
So anyway, and I'm on several dating sites

1488
01:32:41.160 --> 01:32:43.120
because I'm nervous probably.

1489
01:32:43.120 --> 01:32:45.880
I was signing up for different ones

1490
01:32:45.880 --> 01:32:50.680
and I have zero anybody to date so far.

1491
01:32:50.680 --> 01:32:52.040
Yeah.

1492
01:32:52.040 --> 01:32:53.560
So I can't do anything.

1493
01:32:55.080 --> 01:32:56.680
I know.

1494
01:32:56.680 --> 01:32:59.360
Well, yeah, I'm sorry.

1495
01:32:59.360 --> 01:33:02.520
It's probably my age too, you know,

1496
01:33:02.520 --> 01:33:07.480
because I'm looking through men at my age,

1497
01:33:07.480 --> 01:33:11.120
I look at them and think I could not even consider

1498
01:33:11.120 --> 01:33:12.920
kissing them ever.

1499
01:33:13.120 --> 01:33:15.840
So I'm X-ing, X-ing, X-ing.

1500
01:33:15.840 --> 01:33:16.680
Yeah, I know.

1501
01:33:16.680 --> 01:33:19.760
These people that I think are just,

1502
01:33:19.760 --> 01:33:24.760
I mean, they look 100 to me, age 100 to me.

1503
01:33:24.800 --> 01:33:26.880
They just look, no, thank you.

1504
01:33:27.800 --> 01:33:32.800
And so then I'm looking at upper 60s

1505
01:33:33.800 --> 01:33:37.720
and because I'm 78, so it's really pushing it.

1506
01:33:37.720 --> 01:33:40.360
And I showed my daughter this one picture

1507
01:33:40.360 --> 01:33:43.920
and she says, wow, he's too young for you.

1508
01:33:43.920 --> 01:33:48.920
I'm thinking, well, I get it because her husband's 62.

1509
01:33:52.520 --> 01:33:56.080
You know, and she's upper 50s.

1510
01:33:56.080 --> 01:33:58.240
So, I mean, I understand,

1511
01:33:58.240 --> 01:34:03.240
but I don't think most of the people my age

1512
01:34:03.280 --> 01:34:05.600
are attractive at all.

1513
01:34:05.600 --> 01:34:06.440
Yeah.

1514
01:34:06.720 --> 01:34:09.160
Men seem to age a bit harder.

1515
01:34:09.160 --> 01:34:10.000
Yeah, yeah.

1516
01:34:10.000 --> 01:34:10.840
They do.

1517
01:34:10.840 --> 01:34:14.560
And when they go on to the other side of their age,

1518
01:34:14.560 --> 01:34:16.960
they do, really, they go out with a bang.

1519
01:34:16.960 --> 01:34:18.320
I'm telling you that right now.

1520
01:34:18.320 --> 01:34:23.320
You'd be like, golly, what happened?

1521
01:34:23.320 --> 01:34:24.160
Golly.

1522
01:34:25.800 --> 01:34:30.800
Yeah, so no, and I told her, I'm so sorry it was a bot.

1523
01:34:30.840 --> 01:34:32.680
I don't know if you saw LouAnna's message,

1524
01:34:32.680 --> 01:34:34.680
but she said she had been getting a lot of messages

1525
01:34:34.720 --> 01:34:35.560
from LouAnna's message,

1526
01:34:35.560 --> 01:34:37.520
but she said she had been getting a lot of them.

1527
01:34:37.520 --> 01:34:39.600
And I'm gonna tell you something too, Ms. Bunny.

1528
01:34:39.600 --> 01:34:40.840
It is very common.

1529
01:34:40.840 --> 01:34:43.320
It is common when you're older,

1530
01:34:43.320 --> 01:34:45.320
but it is common across the board.

1531
01:34:45.320 --> 01:34:50.320
Like lots of people with scammers, you know,

1532
01:34:50.440 --> 01:34:52.800
and so it's not just you,

1533
01:34:52.800 --> 01:34:55.760
so I don't want you to think of that and you know.

1534
01:34:55.760 --> 01:34:57.400
Right, I know.

1535
01:34:57.400 --> 01:34:58.240
Yeah.

1536
01:34:58.240 --> 01:34:59.080
I do.

1537
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.760
learned something I wanted to share with everybody though.

1538
01:35:05.320 --> 01:35:09.200
Because of this, I took my computer in

1539
01:35:09.200 --> 01:35:13.040
to a place next to my church where I know the people.

1540
01:35:13.040 --> 01:35:17.200
And I said, will you make sure I have nothing malicious?

1541
01:35:17.200 --> 01:35:20.000
You know, from his pictures and email.

1542
01:35:21.200 --> 01:35:24.400
So they were checking it and there isn't,

1543
01:35:24.400 --> 01:35:25.840
so I'm glad of that.

1544
01:35:26.840 --> 01:35:31.840
But I asked them, is it possible for AI

1545
01:35:33.640 --> 01:35:37.960
to be on a video in real time?

1546
01:35:40.960 --> 01:35:43.320
And it is possible.

1547
01:35:43.320 --> 01:35:46.760
And they told me how you can find out

1548
01:35:46.760 --> 01:35:50.920
if you're talking on a video to someone you think

1549
01:35:50.920 --> 01:35:55.920
might be AI and ask them to put three fingers

1550
01:35:57.200 --> 01:36:00.520
or four fingers up by their face.

1551
01:36:00.520 --> 01:36:01.360
Okay.

1552
01:36:01.360 --> 01:36:03.040
And I can't handle that.

1553
01:36:03.040 --> 01:36:04.160
They can't do it.

1554
01:36:05.200 --> 01:36:08.720
Oh, that's good.

1555
01:36:08.720 --> 01:36:11.000
They can do this.

1556
01:36:11.000 --> 01:36:13.440
But they can't put it to their face.

1557
01:36:13.440 --> 01:36:14.280
Right.

1558
01:36:15.240 --> 01:36:16.880
Oh, that's good.

1559
01:36:16.880 --> 01:36:19.600
I thought that would be helpful.

1560
01:36:19.600 --> 01:36:20.840
That is helpful.

1561
01:36:22.520 --> 01:36:24.040
You're right, they can do a video

1562
01:36:24.040 --> 01:36:26.840
because I remember this, a scammer said,

1563
01:36:26.840 --> 01:36:28.960
for some reason I'd like to go to WhatsApp too,

1564
01:36:28.960 --> 01:36:31.640
but this guy was a scammer.

1565
01:36:31.640 --> 01:36:33.880
And then he wanted to do a video and he did,

1566
01:36:33.880 --> 01:36:34.720
but it was AI.

1567
01:36:36.080 --> 01:36:37.120
It was, yeah.

1568
01:36:38.240 --> 01:36:40.600
And so then you aren't sure.

1569
01:36:40.600 --> 01:36:44.200
I mean, you think you are talking to a real person then.

1570
01:36:44.200 --> 01:36:45.040
Yeah.

1571
01:36:45.040 --> 01:36:46.280
And you're not.

1572
01:36:46.280 --> 01:36:47.400
You're not.

1573
01:36:47.400 --> 01:36:49.680
Yeah, Jackie has talked about this before.

1574
01:36:49.680 --> 01:36:52.880
And I don't know if you saw one of the comments

1575
01:36:52.880 --> 01:36:55.280
in the chat from Lovetta.

1576
01:36:55.280 --> 01:36:56.520
And she said, don't worry,

1577
01:36:56.520 --> 01:36:59.240
we haven't found anyone to date either.

1578
01:36:59.240 --> 01:37:02.640
You said, like, I was like,

1579
01:37:02.640 --> 01:37:03.960
have y'all ever looked at your phones?

1580
01:37:03.960 --> 01:37:06.040
Like, man, my phone's so dry.

1581
01:37:06.040 --> 01:37:08.640
Look in the data app, don't nobody wanna talk to you.

1582
01:37:08.640 --> 01:37:10.800
You'd be like, golly.

1583
01:37:10.800 --> 01:37:12.800
It's not just you, trust me,

1584
01:37:12.800 --> 01:37:14.840
you're in the company of the greats.

1585
01:37:18.400 --> 01:37:22.120
Hard to be patient, but what can you do?

1586
01:37:23.120 --> 01:37:25.200
I know, this is that uncomfortable.

1587
01:37:25.200 --> 01:37:27.760
And then sometimes, before you know it,

1588
01:37:27.760 --> 01:37:29.160
they be flooding you.

1589
01:37:29.160 --> 01:37:31.400
And then by the time you think you got some good fish

1590
01:37:31.400 --> 01:37:33.240
on the line, all of them been and got your bait

1591
01:37:33.240 --> 01:37:34.080
and ran out.

1592
01:37:34.080 --> 01:37:36.440
You'd be like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1593
01:37:38.560 --> 01:37:40.240
Yes.

1594
01:37:40.240 --> 01:37:43.280
I'm sure that's where I'm just not there yet.

1595
01:37:43.280 --> 01:37:45.000
Yeah, but it's gonna,

1596
01:37:45.040 --> 01:37:47.160
it's, dating apps are very,

1597
01:37:48.040 --> 01:37:48.880
what do they call it?

1598
01:37:48.880 --> 01:37:50.520
Like, it's a ebb and flow.

1599
01:37:51.440 --> 01:37:53.440
Yeah, cyclical.

1600
01:37:53.440 --> 01:37:54.560
Yeah.

1601
01:37:54.560 --> 01:37:55.640
Cycles.

1602
01:37:55.640 --> 01:37:56.480
Yeah.

1603
01:37:57.720 --> 01:37:59.320
Well, good, I'm glad you found out

1604
01:37:59.320 --> 01:38:01.160
and I'm glad you asked me.

1605
01:38:01.160 --> 01:38:02.840
But you know, even though it was a bot,

1606
01:38:02.840 --> 01:38:05.120
I'm glad you had one good week of chatting

1607
01:38:05.120 --> 01:38:06.600
with the perfect person.

1608
01:38:06.600 --> 01:38:08.920
Hey, it feels good, it's nice.

1609
01:38:08.920 --> 01:38:11.600
You needed to feel that again.

1610
01:38:11.600 --> 01:38:13.800
Oh boy, it was exciting.

1611
01:38:15.760 --> 01:38:16.600
Yes.

1612
01:38:18.240 --> 01:38:22.520
I didn't remember how I felt that way before.

1613
01:38:22.520 --> 01:38:26.200
I mean, I know, but it's just been a long time.

1614
01:38:26.200 --> 01:38:30.720
And I'm so proud of myself

1615
01:38:30.720 --> 01:38:35.720
because I did not share anything with him that I regret.

1616
01:38:36.520 --> 01:38:37.880
Yeah.

1617
01:38:37.880 --> 01:38:39.120
That's good.

1618
01:38:39.120 --> 01:38:40.120
That's so good.

1619
01:38:40.120 --> 01:38:43.560
I can walk away from that and be good.

1620
01:38:43.560 --> 01:38:44.400
Yeah.

1621
01:38:44.880 --> 01:38:45.800
Yeah.

1622
01:38:45.800 --> 01:38:48.680
Good, thank you for sharing this, honey.

1623
01:38:48.680 --> 01:38:50.120
Okay.

1624
01:38:50.120 --> 01:38:51.440
Awesome, awesome.

1625
01:38:51.440 --> 01:38:53.320
That's so good.

1626
01:38:53.320 --> 01:38:54.280
Nikki.

1627
01:38:55.240 --> 01:38:57.240
Hey, Nikki.

1628
01:38:57.240 --> 01:38:58.960
We miss you, Nikki.

1629
01:39:03.520 --> 01:39:05.240
I hope she talks to us.

1630
01:39:06.520 --> 01:39:08.120
Did she leave?

1631
01:39:08.120 --> 01:39:08.960
Bye.

1632
01:39:15.240 --> 01:39:16.200
Hello?

1633
01:39:16.200 --> 01:39:17.040
We can hear you.

1634
01:39:17.040 --> 01:39:17.880
Can you hear me?

1635
01:39:17.880 --> 01:39:19.240
It probably sounds like I'm looking at you

1636
01:39:19.240 --> 01:39:20.440
because I got this other camera

1637
01:39:20.440 --> 01:39:21.960
and I have to keep adjusting it.

1638
01:39:21.960 --> 01:39:23.160
How are you?

1639
01:39:23.160 --> 01:39:24.000
Good.

1640
01:39:25.960 --> 01:39:30.680
I finally got on a dating app, Facebook Dating.

1641
01:39:30.680 --> 01:39:31.520
Yeah.

1642
01:39:31.520 --> 01:39:35.320
And I did it before,

1643
01:39:35.320 --> 01:39:38.360
like maybe I tried it like four weeks ago,

1644
01:39:38.360 --> 01:39:40.160
but it didn't go through.

1645
01:39:40.160 --> 01:39:42.840
So it just went through on like Sunday.

1646
01:39:42.840 --> 01:39:43.680
Yeah.

1647
01:39:43.720 --> 01:39:47.000
I got like two responses

1648
01:39:49.200 --> 01:39:53.560
and I wanted, they're not like in their bio,

1649
01:39:53.560 --> 01:39:55.920
it doesn't say that they're Christian.

1650
01:39:55.920 --> 01:39:58.560
It doesn't say anything about being a Christian.

1651
01:39:59.400 --> 01:40:00.240
So.

1652
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.280
i was wondering should i just ignore them yeah uh just ask them tell them your faith

1653
01:40:07.280 --> 01:40:10.800
is really important to you and you'd like to know their thoughts about faith

1654
01:40:12.320 --> 01:40:18.560
okay my faith in jesus is really important to me can you share with me your thoughts about faith

1655
01:40:19.200 --> 01:40:27.280
are you a believer of jesus or in jesus okay yeah or you can just leave it open in and say can you

1656
01:40:27.280 --> 01:40:32.960
share your thoughts with me about faith and then they don't give you enough information and it's

1657
01:40:32.960 --> 01:40:39.280
like yeah i think faith is a big deal so oh really um what church do you attend or you know

1658
01:40:41.760 --> 01:40:44.480
what taste what church do you attend on a regular basis

1659
01:40:47.280 --> 01:40:51.280
right so then you have to follow up do you go all the time no what church do you attend on a

1660
01:40:51.280 --> 01:40:59.840
regular basis this is my profile i said i go to church like every sunday they probably didn't read

1661
01:40:59.840 --> 01:41:09.200
it i've talked to some of the most some of the greatest of men they did not read my profile i

1662
01:41:09.200 --> 01:41:14.480
mean like i put it on my profile but you should ask because just because they don't have at least

1663
01:41:14.480 --> 01:41:27.040
it doesn't mean that they're not a believer okay yeah i'm excited for you yeah because i tried um

1664
01:41:28.080 --> 01:41:33.600
online dating like maybe five years ago yeah and it didn't like work out

1665
01:41:35.360 --> 01:41:42.400
and i had like a really bad experience and i got scared so yeah and um

1666
01:41:43.200 --> 01:41:48.880
this is really new and i haven't dated in very very long time since i was in college so

1667
01:41:49.680 --> 01:41:55.520
yeah it just is pretty new i'm just saying that i think all of us have been in that boat of some way

1668
01:41:55.520 --> 01:42:07.840
of another yeah and i wanted to ask um what are the requirements to move to phase three

1669
01:42:08.240 --> 01:42:16.640
three you just wasn't um you've been in this phase probably about more than six weeks huh

1670
01:42:16.640 --> 01:42:22.560
four to five weeks yeah yeah just shoot an email to admin and just tell them to move you to phase

1671
01:42:22.560 --> 01:42:30.880
three tell me you want to move to phase three okay yeah um i don't think i went through all the um

1672
01:42:30.960 --> 01:42:38.400
videos well you can you don't have to have completed the videos to go to phase three

1673
01:42:38.400 --> 01:42:44.880
um but it will be it will serve you well to finish them because you're not gonna get those

1674
01:42:44.880 --> 01:42:51.040
videos over there but if you have time i would encourage you um especially like divine feminine

1675
01:42:51.040 --> 01:42:54.880
it'll be really good for you to watch divine feminine and it'll be really good for you to

1676
01:42:54.880 --> 01:43:03.760
watch your boundaries yes i'll have more time now that yeah my schedule is gonna change this week

1677
01:43:03.760 --> 01:43:14.480
okay but yeah you can go without watching those videos okay yeah and is it um and the dating app

1678
01:43:14.480 --> 01:43:24.080
is it okay to use like a nickname like no not your real name yeah yeah

1679
01:43:26.720 --> 01:43:35.040
at least up front yeah no you can use a nickname i know i've seen lots of guys use nicknames on

1680
01:43:35.040 --> 01:43:40.480
dating apps it makes a good conversation starter because you can say well okay so your name is

1681
01:43:40.480 --> 01:43:47.360
sunshine no you think like what's your real name and then you can tell them your real name okay

1682
01:43:48.640 --> 01:43:54.080
yeah because so so there's a flip side to this so you in your mind you're thinking um

1683
01:43:55.360 --> 01:43:59.520
let me move this camera over so i can at least kind of almost look like i'm looking at you

1684
01:43:59.520 --> 01:44:04.320
i am looking at you just don't look like it to you um you may think to yourself like hey

1685
01:44:04.960 --> 01:44:11.680
i don't want um you to know my real name okay if i talk to somebody and i don't talk to people i

1686
01:44:11.680 --> 01:44:16.480
don't know their real name i'm not finna sit up and talk to somebody and i don't know your name

1687
01:44:16.480 --> 01:44:21.280
to me it's crazy to me right and so i just want you to know it's two sides of the coin

1688
01:44:22.080 --> 01:44:26.640
like you think it's maybe maybe i don't know what you're thinking security for reasons i just don't

1689
01:44:26.640 --> 01:44:30.960
want you to know my real name yet and then the other person's thinking well i can't even know

1690
01:44:30.960 --> 01:44:36.400
your name i really don't want to talk to you and so if you do do a nickname and somebody asks about

1691
01:44:36.400 --> 01:44:41.680
your name be prepared to share it an answer that says i don't think i'm ready to share my name with

1692
01:44:41.680 --> 01:44:54.080
you yet can feel a little scammish it makes sense yes okay just just making sure you get you like

1693
01:44:54.080 --> 01:44:59.840
do that like if i change numbers with a person uh when i change the numbers

1694
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.000
and it takes, I ask for their last name.

1695
01:45:03.720 --> 01:45:05.160
I'm not comfortable talking to a person

1696
01:45:05.160 --> 01:45:06.880
I don't know your full name.

1697
01:45:06.880 --> 01:45:08.360
So I went and met a person in a restaurant

1698
01:45:08.360 --> 01:45:09.560
I don't know your full name.

1699
01:45:09.560 --> 01:45:10.620
No, no, not me.

1700
01:45:12.060 --> 01:45:12.900
I'm not doing that.

1701
01:45:12.900 --> 01:45:17.900
Do they give you, do they usually give you their last name?

1702
01:45:17.960 --> 01:45:20.000
Yeah, but you know, men are different from women.

1703
01:45:20.000 --> 01:45:21.260
Men don't have a reason to fear

1704
01:45:21.260 --> 01:45:23.640
what a woman would do to them in that sense.

1705
01:45:23.640 --> 01:45:27.200
But I usually say, hey, my last name is Jones.

1706
01:45:27.200 --> 01:45:28.360
What's your last name?

1707
01:45:29.360 --> 01:45:31.560
I'm gonna save your information in my phone.

1708
01:45:34.400 --> 01:45:36.080
I had this guy one time, I was like,

1709
01:45:36.080 --> 01:45:37.640
why would I give you my full name?

1710
01:45:37.640 --> 01:45:40.540
I was like, because you wanna hold a conversation with me.

1711
01:45:41.560 --> 01:45:42.840
Then he says, I'm not doing it.

1712
01:45:42.840 --> 01:45:45.640
I said, I understand, it's your right.

1713
01:45:45.640 --> 01:45:47.480
And that was the last time we talked.

1714
01:45:49.600 --> 01:45:51.760
Cause to me, why would I talk to somebody

1715
01:45:51.760 --> 01:45:53.120
that I don't even know your full name?

1716
01:45:53.120 --> 01:45:55.160
Like it just don't, it don't add up.

1717
01:45:55.160 --> 01:45:58.020
So both sides thinks it doesn't add up, you know, right?

1718
01:45:58.680 --> 01:45:59.580
Like maybe he thought I was gonna research him

1719
01:45:59.580 --> 01:46:01.260
or something, but I wasn't, but.

1720
01:46:04.100 --> 01:46:05.420
I just, I was like,

1721
01:46:05.420 --> 01:46:07.100
you got some kind of record or something

1722
01:46:07.100 --> 01:46:08.820
that you don't wanna give somebody your last name?

1723
01:46:08.820 --> 01:46:10.060
What you trying to hide?

1724
01:46:10.060 --> 01:46:11.660
Like, ooh, ah.

1725
01:46:11.660 --> 01:46:15.340
But yeah, but it's nothing wrong with using a nickname.

1726
01:46:15.340 --> 01:46:16.780
People do it all the time.

1727
01:46:18.200 --> 01:46:20.500
Okay, yeah, yeah.

1728
01:46:22.460 --> 01:46:23.880
Well, I'm excited for you.

1729
01:46:25.540 --> 01:46:26.380
Thank you.

1730
01:46:28.060 --> 01:46:28.860
You're looking like,

1731
01:46:28.860 --> 01:46:31.140
oh, this is the scariest thing in my life.

1732
01:46:33.940 --> 01:46:36.660
Yeah, I'm more open now.

1733
01:46:36.660 --> 01:46:38.780
Oh, good, good, good.

1734
01:46:38.780 --> 01:46:40.420
Perfect, well, keep us updated.

1735
01:46:41.740 --> 01:46:43.100
Okay, will do.

1736
01:46:43.100 --> 01:46:44.140
Thank you.

1737
01:46:44.140 --> 01:46:45.420
You're welcome.

1738
01:46:45.420 --> 01:46:46.660
Laura.

1739
01:46:50.520 --> 01:46:51.500
Oh, okay.

1740
01:46:52.460 --> 01:46:54.260
I'll try and be quick.

1741
01:46:54.260 --> 01:46:56.500
So anyhow, Wade and I have been dating

1742
01:46:56.500 --> 01:46:58.700
and I did have the conversation with him,

1743
01:46:59.860 --> 01:47:01.260
I don't know, like two weeks ago

1744
01:47:01.260 --> 01:47:04.100
about like increasing like communication

1745
01:47:04.100 --> 01:47:05.940
and that has improved some.

1746
01:47:07.260 --> 01:47:11.660
And so my question is, he hasn't initiated,

1747
01:47:11.660 --> 01:47:13.460
so we've been dating for like almost two months now,

1748
01:47:13.460 --> 01:47:16.020
whatever, and he hasn't initiated the conversation

1749
01:47:16.020 --> 01:47:18.200
about whether we wanna go exclusive,

1750
01:47:18.200 --> 01:47:20.020
which I don't wanna have that conversation either

1751
01:47:20.020 --> 01:47:22.660
cause I'm still trying to like increase my dating pool

1752
01:47:22.660 --> 01:47:25.260
or whatever, cause it's just been him still.

1753
01:47:25.380 --> 01:47:26.540
Whatever.

1754
01:47:26.540 --> 01:47:31.040
And so I wanna have more dating like experience

1755
01:47:31.040 --> 01:47:33.980
before I go exclusive with him,

1756
01:47:33.980 --> 01:47:38.620
if that's like what, yeah, the Lord has for me, so.

1757
01:47:39.580 --> 01:47:40.420
Yeah.

1758
01:47:41.300 --> 01:47:42.380
Well, I think that's good

1759
01:47:42.380 --> 01:47:43.660
that you want more dating experience

1760
01:47:43.660 --> 01:47:44.900
before you go exclusive with him

1761
01:47:44.900 --> 01:47:46.220
and you still have time.

1762
01:47:46.220 --> 01:47:51.220
Now, I believe that once you get around

1763
01:47:51.360 --> 01:47:53.780
the three month mark, you guys need to start

1764
01:47:56.260 --> 01:47:59.740
to shape finding something.

1765
01:48:03.220 --> 01:48:05.740
Yeah, and I actually leave tomorrow

1766
01:48:05.740 --> 01:48:07.940
cause I'm going to Taipei for like 10 days,

1767
01:48:07.940 --> 01:48:11.900
so I won't be in contact with him for like 10 days as well.

1768
01:48:11.900 --> 01:48:14.580
Well, so count like, if I say 90 days

1769
01:48:14.580 --> 01:48:16.020
and you know that you're gonna be gone

1770
01:48:16.020 --> 01:48:17.660
somewhere for 10 days and you won't talk,

1771
01:48:17.660 --> 01:48:19.740
then you add that on to the time.

1772
01:48:19.740 --> 01:48:21.980
Like, cause you wouldn't have had

1773
01:48:21.980 --> 01:48:23.920
the same amount of experience.

1774
01:48:25.900 --> 01:48:26.740
Got it.

1775
01:48:26.740 --> 01:48:27.900
Right.

1776
01:48:27.900 --> 01:48:29.660
Okay, sounds good.

1777
01:48:29.660 --> 01:48:31.860
Okay, good.

1778
01:48:31.860 --> 01:48:32.700
Excited for you.

1779
01:48:32.700 --> 01:48:34.700
And good job on speaking up.

1780
01:48:36.380 --> 01:48:37.700
Yeah, I mean, I know like-

1781
01:48:37.700 --> 01:48:39.500
You said he would agree?

1782
01:48:39.500 --> 01:48:40.700
You said he agreed?

1783
01:48:41.980 --> 01:48:43.860
Yeah, I mean, he did make a comment

1784
01:48:43.860 --> 01:48:45.940
that like, cause he has also been divorced

1785
01:48:45.940 --> 01:48:48.300
for like eight years or whatever.

1786
01:48:48.300 --> 01:48:50.980
And he like, he made a comment that like,

1787
01:48:51.980 --> 01:48:55.500
that it's like easy to get in like to habits.

1788
01:48:55.500 --> 01:48:57.540
Like he, cause he hasn't been like in a relationship

1789
01:48:57.540 --> 01:48:59.500
for like a long time either.

1790
01:48:59.500 --> 01:49:04.500
And so, but like, I kind of like take a step back too.

1791
01:49:05.140 --> 01:49:06.940
So like, I'm waiting for him to like step up.

1792
01:49:06.940 --> 01:49:08.740
So, yeah.

1793
01:49:09.980 --> 01:49:10.820
So-

1794
01:49:10.820 --> 01:49:11.660
Oh, good.

1795
01:49:11.660 --> 01:49:13.260
So y'all are communicating more?

1796
01:49:14.660 --> 01:49:16.840
Yeah, I mean, it has been more

1797
01:49:16.840 --> 01:49:18.740
since I had the conversation, so yeah.

1798
01:49:19.740 --> 01:49:21.420
Is it to your satisfaction?

1799
01:49:25.700 --> 01:49:30.700
Well, I also like can be critical of myself too.

1800
01:49:31.100 --> 01:49:34.620
Cause like, I'm like, I didn't initiate like anything today

1801
01:49:34.620 --> 01:49:35.940
but like, I've been like super busy,

1802
01:49:35.940 --> 01:49:37.620
like getting ready to like go out of the country

1803
01:49:37.620 --> 01:49:38.900
like tomorrow.

1804
01:49:38.900 --> 01:49:42.700
And he knows that I'm leaving or whatever.

1805
01:49:42.700 --> 01:49:47.700
So yeah, but I mean, we texted last night or whatever

1806
01:49:48.620 --> 01:49:51.380
and that was like it, so.

1807
01:49:51.380 --> 01:49:52.980
Okay.

1808
01:49:52.980 --> 01:49:54.340
And you're happy with that?

1809
01:49:58.940 --> 01:49:59.780
Well, like.

1810
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.560
But then like, I'm like, I didn't reach out to him at all myself today either.

1811
01:50:04.560 --> 01:50:05.560
So I'm just...

1812
01:50:05.560 --> 01:50:08.800
I hear what you're saying, but you're not really answering my question.

1813
01:50:08.800 --> 01:50:11.320
So a couple of things could be happening.

1814
01:50:11.320 --> 01:50:13.880
You cannot be satisfied with it.

1815
01:50:13.880 --> 01:50:17.400
You could not be reaching out to him either, but you actually could be not reaching out

1816
01:50:17.400 --> 01:50:21.440
to him because you fear that he doesn't really want to talk to you.

1817
01:50:21.440 --> 01:50:24.600
Because if he did, you may be thinking he would have reached out to you.

1818
01:50:24.600 --> 01:50:29.560
And so because of that, you draw back and don't do it as much either.

1819
01:50:29.560 --> 01:50:31.720
That's a real dynamic.

1820
01:50:31.720 --> 01:50:34.320
And so that's why I'm asking you, are you comfortable with this?

1821
01:50:34.320 --> 01:50:37.440
Are you pleased with this?

1822
01:50:37.440 --> 01:50:38.440
Does that make sense?

1823
01:50:38.440 --> 01:50:39.440
What I just said?

1824
01:50:39.440 --> 01:50:40.440
Yeah.

1825
01:50:40.440 --> 01:50:41.440
It does.

1826
01:50:41.440 --> 01:50:42.440
Yeah.

1827
01:50:42.440 --> 01:50:43.920
I'm not totally pleased with it.

1828
01:50:43.920 --> 01:50:52.080
Because I would have wanted him to reach out today to just have a short phone call or whatever

1829
01:50:52.080 --> 01:50:57.000
to being that I am going to be gone for 10 days.

1830
01:50:57.000 --> 01:51:00.320
And so one of the things you can do since he said he had to get back in the swing of

1831
01:51:00.320 --> 01:51:05.880
things, you can start working to create the type of culture that you want and to see if

1832
01:51:05.880 --> 01:51:08.100
he grabs a hold to that.

1833
01:51:08.100 --> 01:51:13.560
So that's not forcing, but it is removing you from the fear of rejection.

1834
01:51:13.560 --> 01:51:17.180
Because maybe you don't feel safe reaching out to him first.

1835
01:51:17.180 --> 01:51:18.920
Because maybe you feel like he's going to reject you.

1836
01:51:18.920 --> 01:51:24.480
I don't know what laws are working you, what blueprint is running through you right now.

1837
01:51:24.480 --> 01:51:28.000
But you can reach out and say, leaving for tomorrow.

1838
01:51:28.000 --> 01:51:31.640
I just wanted to reach out to you before I left.

1839
01:51:31.640 --> 01:51:34.840
And yeah.

1840
01:51:34.840 --> 01:51:38.840
And then what happens when you do that, that says to him, oh, she wanted to hear from me

1841
01:51:38.840 --> 01:51:40.840
before she left.

1842
01:51:40.840 --> 01:51:41.840
Right.

1843
01:51:41.840 --> 01:51:42.840
Yeah.

1844
01:51:42.840 --> 01:51:47.840
But if you have thoughts like, well, if he would have reached out to me, he knows that

1845
01:51:47.840 --> 01:51:48.840
I'm leaving.

1846
01:51:48.840 --> 01:51:49.840
I would want him to do that.

1847
01:51:49.840 --> 01:51:50.840
But he didn't.

1848
01:51:50.840 --> 01:51:52.120
So do you want to reach out?

1849
01:51:52.400 --> 01:51:55.520
Do you want to make a connection before you leave or you don't?

1850
01:51:55.520 --> 01:51:56.520
Those are the things you have to start.

1851
01:51:56.520 --> 01:51:59.440
That's the conversation you have to have with yourself.

1852
01:51:59.440 --> 01:52:02.840
Does that make sense?

1853
01:52:02.840 --> 01:52:03.840
Yeah.

1854
01:52:03.840 --> 01:52:08.080
Because I guess I'm questioning if he's more into me than I am into him.

1855
01:52:08.080 --> 01:52:10.920
So I'm trying to decide that as well.

1856
01:52:10.920 --> 01:52:13.200
So you got to have those type of...

1857
01:52:13.200 --> 01:52:19.920
I will tell you, look over the months, measure it, and then ask him.

1858
01:52:19.920 --> 01:52:22.160
We've been talking for a couple of months.

1859
01:52:22.160 --> 01:52:27.920
What level of into me do you think you're experiencing?

1860
01:52:27.920 --> 01:52:34.280
Do you, are you experiencing, because you want to hear about his experience with you.

1861
01:52:34.280 --> 01:52:36.240
So you don't want to give him a question like, do you like me?

1862
01:52:36.240 --> 01:52:37.880
Yeah, I like you.

1863
01:52:37.880 --> 01:52:41.840
What level of growth or what are you experienced with me?

1864
01:52:41.840 --> 01:52:43.720
Where would you like to see this go?

1865
01:52:43.720 --> 01:52:46.880
I don't know if y'all talked about that, but you can ask, where would you like to see this

1866
01:52:46.880 --> 01:52:47.880
go?

1867
01:52:47.880 --> 01:52:50.680
What are you planning to get out of this with me?

1868
01:52:50.680 --> 01:52:56.040
Have you asked questions like that before?

1869
01:52:56.040 --> 01:52:58.720
No, that sounds super scary.

1870
01:52:58.720 --> 01:53:03.880
Yeah, but it's even more scary for you to keep going along and investing because of

1871
01:53:03.880 --> 01:53:06.360
parts of you being invested.

1872
01:53:06.360 --> 01:53:10.920
And so you need to understand what, what's his goal?

1873
01:53:10.920 --> 01:53:12.080
Where is he headed?

1874
01:53:12.080 --> 01:53:13.080
What is this about?

1875
01:53:13.080 --> 01:53:14.800
You're not asking him to be with you.

1876
01:53:14.800 --> 01:53:17.920
You're asking him, what is he hoping to get out of this?

1877
01:53:17.920 --> 01:53:25.640
You and him, but I don't want you to live in fear that he doesn't really want you.

1878
01:53:25.640 --> 01:53:28.720
Or there's so many thoughts can be attached as a woman to something like that.

1879
01:53:28.720 --> 01:53:31.800
Oh, you don't really want me, or he's just talking to me or he's just putting up with

1880
01:53:31.800 --> 01:53:32.800
me.

1881
01:53:32.800 --> 01:53:34.000
He probably talked to somebody else too.

1882
01:53:34.000 --> 01:53:36.460
I'm probably not that important.

1883
01:53:36.460 --> 01:53:41.560
Whatever those things, all of these things are going to come up in that process, right?

1884
01:53:41.560 --> 01:53:45.640
But when you get back, I will be prepared to ask those questions so that you can have

1885
01:53:45.640 --> 01:53:48.480
some clarity.

1886
01:53:48.480 --> 01:53:55.520
So as long as you operate with that clarity, you're actually being unkind to yourself and

1887
01:53:55.520 --> 01:53:59.520
he's just going along.

1888
01:53:59.520 --> 01:54:04.560
Because if he tells you, yeah, if he just tell you, well, I was just wanting to friend

1889
01:54:04.560 --> 01:54:09.080
somebody, a companion just to chat with, okay, even if you keep chatting with him, you know

1890
01:54:09.080 --> 01:54:11.960
what to do with your emotions.

1891
01:54:11.960 --> 01:54:14.400
Or if you like him more than that, you're going to have to say, even though like we

1892
01:54:14.400 --> 01:54:19.360
already had the conversation about like him being marriage minded and whatever.

1893
01:54:19.360 --> 01:54:21.000
Is he marriage minded?

1894
01:54:21.000 --> 01:54:22.000
He is.

1895
01:54:22.000 --> 01:54:23.000
Yeah.

1896
01:54:23.000 --> 01:54:24.000
No.

1897
01:54:24.000 --> 01:54:25.000
No.

1898
01:54:25.000 --> 01:54:26.000
No.

1899
01:54:26.000 --> 01:54:28.800
Is he marriage minded?

1900
01:54:28.800 --> 01:54:30.200
You're the one getting to know him.

1901
01:54:30.200 --> 01:54:34.360
Is he marriage minded?

1902
01:54:34.360 --> 01:54:35.440
How is he showing up?

1903
01:54:35.440 --> 01:54:39.120
He doesn't seem very proactive.

1904
01:54:39.120 --> 01:54:43.560
So that means because he's not being proactive, you need to get his understanding of what

1905
01:54:43.560 --> 01:54:44.560
marriage minded is.

1906
01:54:44.560 --> 01:54:45.560
He could be marriage minded.

1907
01:54:45.560 --> 01:54:53.760
Did you ask him how long he wanted to be, what time in life he wanted to be married?

1908
01:54:53.760 --> 01:54:56.840
No, I didn't ask like a timeline.

1909
01:54:56.840 --> 01:54:57.840
Okay.

1910
01:54:57.840 --> 01:55:00.040
So this is one of the questions that I asked that I've been dating.

1911
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.560
somebody for right in two months. I said, are you married?

1912
01:55:04.560 --> 01:55:06.280
And he's like, what kind of question is that?

1913
01:55:06.280 --> 01:55:09.080
I just said, I'm just asking what I knew where I was headed.

1914
01:55:09.080 --> 01:55:09.920
So yeah, I said,

1915
01:55:09.920 --> 01:55:12.400
so what's your ideal timeline for marriage

1916
01:55:13.520 --> 01:55:14.800
when you think about it?

1917
01:55:14.800 --> 01:55:16.360
And he's like, oh,

1918
01:55:16.360 --> 01:55:19.560
I think you shouldn't be dating somebody more than a year.

1919
01:55:19.560 --> 01:55:20.800
In a year, you should be married.

1920
01:55:20.800 --> 01:55:24.080
If you know you want to marry somebody, you marry them.

1921
01:55:24.080 --> 01:55:26.080
I said, okay, thank you for sharing.

1922
01:55:26.080 --> 01:55:29.000
I said, what type of things you think need to be evaluated

1923
01:55:29.000 --> 01:55:31.240
or what do you, how do you measure things?

1924
01:55:31.240 --> 01:55:33.400
Like there were other questions that I had,

1925
01:55:33.400 --> 01:55:35.200
but I was not afraid to explore that,

1926
01:55:35.200 --> 01:55:37.640
especially if I'm walking up on two months.

1927
01:55:37.640 --> 01:55:41.680
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I know that's a good business.

1928
01:55:42.600 --> 01:55:44.480
And at 90, we're going to be deciding

1929
01:55:44.480 --> 01:55:46.080
if we're going to be exclusive or not.

1930
01:55:46.080 --> 01:55:49.760
And I'm not going to ride no train till I get to day 90.

1931
01:55:50.640 --> 01:55:53.080
And all of a sudden I find out that your ideal

1932
01:55:53.080 --> 01:55:57.100
of being married is a two year window.

1933
01:55:58.100 --> 01:56:01.900
That may can explain a person's pacing.

1934
01:56:01.900 --> 01:56:03.820
They ain't looking to get married no time soon.

1935
01:56:03.820 --> 01:56:05.340
They be thinking about the next two years.

1936
01:56:05.340 --> 01:56:08.140
You ain't finna be nobody's girlfriend for two years.

1937
01:56:09.620 --> 01:56:11.220
Right.

1938
01:56:11.220 --> 01:56:14.460
Come on now, you ain't no girlfriend, you a wife.

1939
01:56:15.740 --> 01:56:17.220
Right, okay.

1940
01:56:17.220 --> 01:56:18.940
And this person was married so long

1941
01:56:18.940 --> 01:56:21.220
and they're no longer with their wife.

1942
01:56:21.220 --> 01:56:22.860
I could have forgotten.

1943
01:56:22.860 --> 01:56:27.860
Man just, hmm, he's special sometimes.

1944
01:56:27.860 --> 01:56:29.500
He, I don't know how much he's dated

1945
01:56:29.500 --> 01:56:32.660
or how he understands pacing or any of those things.

1946
01:56:32.660 --> 01:56:34.180
Like there's so many things you don't know.

1947
01:56:34.180 --> 01:56:37.020
So he could be showing up until the amount that you show up

1948
01:56:37.020 --> 01:56:39.100
or, and so really good questions

1949
01:56:39.100 --> 01:56:40.740
will help you understand things.

1950
01:56:42.540 --> 01:56:44.540
Okay, yeah, I mean, he did reveal to me

1951
01:56:44.540 --> 01:56:46.220
that like shortly after his divorce,

1952
01:56:46.220 --> 01:56:48.140
he like connected with somebody from high school,

1953
01:56:48.140 --> 01:56:49.700
but that didn't last very long.

1954
01:56:49.700 --> 01:56:52.700
And then like, I'm not sure how long after that,

1955
01:56:53.540 --> 01:56:56.340
but like he dated somebody from like South America,

1956
01:56:56.340 --> 01:56:57.860
but he didn't want to do long distance.

1957
01:56:57.860 --> 01:56:59.260
And so like that ended too.

1958
01:56:59.260 --> 01:57:03.060
So yeah, I don't think he's dated from those people.

1959
01:57:03.060 --> 01:57:05.020
Okay, so that means you don't even know

1960
01:57:05.020 --> 01:57:07.540
what his dating style or pace is.

1961
01:57:07.540 --> 01:57:09.860
He came out of marriage, went in with somebody else.

1962
01:57:09.860 --> 01:57:11.900
He hadn't dated, how long was he married?

1963
01:57:17.420 --> 01:57:19.940
I think it was like at least 15 years or something.

1964
01:57:19.940 --> 01:57:21.260
I'm not sure.

1965
01:57:21.260 --> 01:57:23.820
So for 15 years, unless he was cheating on his wife,

1966
01:57:23.820 --> 01:57:26.540
he had married, I mean, he hadn't dated anyone.

1967
01:57:29.140 --> 01:57:32.740
So, right, so that means you gotta, y'all know how to,

1968
01:57:32.740 --> 01:57:35.700
you gotta catch up with how they date now, how they do it.

1969
01:57:35.700 --> 01:57:38.820
You're back on the scene, what are these people doing?

1970
01:57:38.820 --> 01:57:40.460
You don't know what it's like, you know?

1971
01:57:40.460 --> 01:57:41.540
So there's a lot of things.

1972
01:57:41.540 --> 01:57:44.420
So him not talking as much done necessarily,

1973
01:57:44.420 --> 01:57:46.340
like he could just ask questions.

1974
01:57:46.340 --> 01:57:48.660
Now's the time for you to ask a few questions.

1975
01:57:49.660 --> 01:57:50.940
Okay.

1976
01:57:50.940 --> 01:57:52.540
Yeah.

1977
01:57:52.540 --> 01:57:53.620
Sounds good.

1978
01:57:53.620 --> 01:57:55.100
Okay, great.

1979
01:57:55.100 --> 01:57:56.340
Okay, thank you.

1980
01:57:56.340 --> 01:57:58.820
You're welcome, have fun on your trip.

1981
01:57:58.820 --> 01:58:00.140
Oh, I appreciate it, thank you.

1982
01:58:00.140 --> 01:58:03.940
Yeah, we pray God's traveling grace and mercy over you,

1983
01:58:03.940 --> 01:58:06.020
that you will have a joyful, fun-filled time.

1984
01:58:06.020 --> 01:58:09.180
We just ask God to release his best angels

1985
01:58:09.180 --> 01:58:11.020
to keep watch over you as you travel,

1986
01:58:11.020 --> 01:58:12.740
to bring you back in perfect peace.

1987
01:58:12.740 --> 01:58:14.540
And the matter of fact, that you will come back,

1988
01:58:14.540 --> 01:58:17.140
return better than when you left.

1989
01:58:17.140 --> 01:58:19.260
In Jesus name, amen.

1990
01:58:20.900 --> 01:58:21.980
Thank you very much.

1991
01:58:21.980 --> 01:58:22.860
You're welcome.

1992
01:58:23.780 --> 01:58:26.020
Tiffany, how's it going?

1993
01:58:26.020 --> 01:58:28.500
It is going well.

1994
01:58:28.500 --> 01:58:29.340
Okay.

1995
01:58:29.340 --> 01:58:33.380
I am on day five of my sabbatical.

1996
01:58:33.380 --> 01:58:34.220
Yes.

1997
01:58:34.220 --> 01:58:38.220
And I had no idea how bad I needed it,

1998
01:58:38.220 --> 01:58:40.740
but I felt completely a little cray-cray.

1999
01:58:40.740 --> 01:58:42.140
Yeah.

2000
01:58:42.140 --> 01:58:46.580
And so, because when you first mentioned it to me

2001
01:58:46.620 --> 01:58:51.620
at that one point, like I was like, no, I don't need that.

2002
01:58:52.220 --> 01:58:54.140
Wow.

2003
01:58:54.140 --> 01:58:55.100
Oh girl, you do.

2004
01:58:55.100 --> 01:58:58.060
I'm about to show you how crazy you are right this moment.

2005
01:59:02.260 --> 01:59:04.860
But I really, I love that it happened,

2006
01:59:04.860 --> 01:59:06.660
the timing that everything happened,

2007
01:59:06.660 --> 01:59:09.100
because I had a weekend off.

2008
01:59:09.100 --> 01:59:13.860
And so, I really just closed myself off to the world

2009
01:59:13.860 --> 01:59:17.180
and leaned in with the Lord and just was like,

2010
01:59:17.180 --> 01:59:19.180
I don't like what I'm seeing.

2011
01:59:19.180 --> 01:59:21.220
I don't like what I'm feeling.

2012
01:59:21.220 --> 01:59:24.060
I knew that the way that I was reacting to things

2013
01:59:24.060 --> 01:59:26.100
is not who I am anymore.

2014
01:59:26.100 --> 01:59:28.420
And I didn't want that to have a root.

2015
01:59:28.420 --> 01:59:33.420
And so, we've done some really intense artwork.

2016
01:59:33.900 --> 01:59:37.340
We've done a lot more reveal to heels.

2017
01:59:37.340 --> 01:59:41.300
And just today I noticed something

2018
01:59:41.300 --> 01:59:43.740
that the Lord was doing in that

2019
01:59:44.620 --> 01:59:47.660
there were times that I would think about wanting to text

2020
01:59:47.660 --> 01:59:51.340
or wanting to wish he had texted me or something.

2021
01:59:51.340 --> 01:59:53.860
And instead of letting that,

2022
01:59:54.940 --> 01:59:57.020
giving that space to kind of like

2023
01:59:57.020 --> 01:59:59.420
before I would have spiraled with it,

2024
01:59:59.420 --> 02:00:00.260
it was more.

2025
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.360
or like, well, why are you wanting that?

2026
02:00:03.360 --> 02:00:07.880
Because you genuinely are missing talking to him

2027
02:00:07.880 --> 02:00:11.200
or what is it in you that is signaling

2028
02:00:11.200 --> 02:00:12.800
that you need to message?

2029
02:00:12.800 --> 02:00:14.620
Because I had, I'll be honest,

2030
02:00:14.620 --> 02:00:17.900
I had like typed up a whole message

2031
02:00:17.900 --> 02:00:20.200
and I really like, I copied it

2032
02:00:20.200 --> 02:00:22.560
and I was gonna paste it and send it.

2033
02:00:22.560 --> 02:00:26.120
And I was like, no, I'm not.

2034
02:00:26.120 --> 02:00:30.280
And so I love this forced time

2035
02:00:30.280 --> 02:00:33.620
to be able to like question those things.

2036
02:00:34.840 --> 02:00:36.400
It feels good.

2037
02:00:36.400 --> 02:00:38.680
It doesn't always feel good.

2038
02:00:38.680 --> 02:00:40.800
It doesn't always feel easy.

2039
02:00:40.800 --> 02:00:43.280
There's been so many tears,

2040
02:00:43.280 --> 02:00:46.440
but I feel like they've been productive

2041
02:00:46.440 --> 02:00:50.440
and I really feel like I needed this

2042
02:00:50.440 --> 02:00:52.600
and didn't even know it.

2043
02:00:52.600 --> 02:00:55.200
Yeah, that's amazing.

2044
02:00:55.200 --> 02:00:56.720
Praise Jesus.

2045
02:00:56.720 --> 02:00:57.660
Yeah.

2046
02:00:57.660 --> 02:00:58.500
That's so good.

2047
02:00:58.500 --> 02:01:00.040
Thank you for saying the hard things

2048
02:01:00.040 --> 02:01:01.700
cause I wasn't very fond of it.

2049
02:01:03.480 --> 02:01:04.640
I couldn't tell.

2050
02:01:07.880 --> 02:01:08.920
I couldn't tell.

2051
02:01:08.920 --> 02:01:11.960
I hadn't got a chance to respond to your other two email.

2052
02:01:11.960 --> 02:01:16.960
I read them, but I was like, okay, well we're tracking.

2053
02:01:17.280 --> 02:01:18.320
Well, this is all good.

2054
02:01:18.320 --> 02:01:21.520
So I messaged you and I was like, how's everything going?

2055
02:01:21.520 --> 02:01:23.840
But good.

2056
02:01:23.840 --> 02:01:25.520
I'm happy for you.

2057
02:01:25.520 --> 02:01:26.680
Yeah, thank you.

2058
02:01:26.680 --> 02:01:31.400
And I leave on Thursday to go to a trip with a friend

2059
02:01:31.400 --> 02:01:35.040
and I'm just, it's God's perfect timing.

2060
02:01:35.040 --> 02:01:38.380
The conference we're going to is called Replenish.

2061
02:01:38.380 --> 02:01:39.220
Wow.

2062
02:01:39.220 --> 02:01:43.160
And I'm like, Lord, your timing is impeccable.

2063
02:01:43.160 --> 02:01:45.320
And I just found out the conference name.

2064
02:01:45.320 --> 02:01:48.160
She had bought the tickets and I was like, yeah, I'm game.

2065
02:01:48.160 --> 02:01:51.220
So it's just really cool how God's timing

2066
02:01:51.980 --> 02:01:52.820
and how he's laid it out.

2067
02:01:52.820 --> 02:01:53.660
Yes, it's so good.

2068
02:01:53.660 --> 02:01:57.540
Right before the end of the sabbatical is done, so.

2069
02:01:57.540 --> 02:02:00.140
Yeah, where's the conference at?

2070
02:02:00.140 --> 02:02:02.260
In Colorado Springs, Colorado.

2071
02:02:02.260 --> 02:02:03.500
Oh, wow.

2072
02:02:03.500 --> 02:02:05.500
How long are y'all gonna stay there?

2073
02:02:05.500 --> 02:02:08.360
We're gonna, we're flying out early Thursday

2074
02:02:08.360 --> 02:02:10.720
and then we come back Monday evening.

2075
02:02:11.660 --> 02:02:13.820
What's the temperature there?

2076
02:02:13.820 --> 02:02:18.820
80s, 50 in the morning, 80s in the low 80s in the afternoon.

2077
02:02:19.780 --> 02:02:22.780
And the conference is only like a day and a half.

2078
02:02:22.780 --> 02:02:26.180
And so we have two full days to just enjoy.

2079
02:02:26.180 --> 02:02:28.940
So I'm so excited to get away.

2080
02:02:28.940 --> 02:02:31.140
Oh, yes, that's so nice.

2081
02:02:31.140 --> 02:02:33.340
Well, we just pray God's choicest blessings

2082
02:02:33.340 --> 02:02:35.100
on you and your friend as you all travel.

2083
02:02:35.100 --> 02:02:38.140
We pray that you truly do get replenished

2084
02:02:38.140 --> 02:02:40.900
and you come back renewed, refreshed and restored

2085
02:02:40.900 --> 02:02:42.740
and everything that heaven has for you

2086
02:02:42.740 --> 02:02:44.540
that you get it while you're there.

2087
02:02:44.540 --> 02:02:47.420
God is such a good father and he's good to you, Tiffany.

2088
02:02:47.460 --> 02:02:49.900
And so we just thank God for your travel.

2089
02:02:49.900 --> 02:02:52.220
We pray protection.

2090
02:02:52.220 --> 02:02:55.100
We declare no accidents, incidents,

2091
02:02:55.100 --> 02:02:57.980
no deaths in the name of Jesus.

2092
02:02:57.980 --> 02:02:59.380
Amen.

2093
02:02:59.380 --> 02:03:00.780
Amen, thank you.

2094
02:03:00.780 --> 02:03:01.800
You're welcome.

2095
02:03:01.800 --> 02:03:02.640
Yay.

2096
02:03:04.100 --> 02:03:09.020
Okay, ladies, it has been amazing chatting with you all.

2097
02:03:10.220 --> 02:03:11.460
Tiffany, you were just doing an update.

2098
02:03:11.460 --> 02:03:12.580
Do you have a question?

2099
02:03:12.580 --> 02:03:13.420
I'm sorry.

2100
02:03:15.340 --> 02:03:16.720
Great, all right.

2101
02:03:16.720 --> 02:03:19.480
Well, you ladies rest well on tonight.

2102
02:03:19.480 --> 02:03:22.720
Keep us updated on everything that's happening

2103
02:03:22.720 --> 02:03:26.280
because we wanna know all about it, all right?

2104
02:03:26.280 --> 02:03:27.320
Have a good night.