I see a couple guys, maybe one lady on screen, two ladies on screen.
So guys, good job showing up on screen for us tonight.
Hi.
So great to see some of our guys back.
Hello, anybody else that's able to come on screen y'all I love to see you because it
helps just as I'm coaching.
Honestly to tell if some of this stuff is kind of hitting home, how's it going as I'm
kind of releasing some of the things that God is showing us.
Welcome for those of you that are just joining.
For those of you that are new to phase three, welcome.
If this is your first advanced heartwork, it is built on the heartwork principles that
you all learn in the initial heartwork course.
And then we try to take it deeper every single time that we bring the advanced heartwork.
And Diane, thanks.
This is a new hat.
It's from the beautiful conference I went to.
And so it's got a butterfly there too.
So I'm representing the ladies from Southwest Florida here tonight from that conference.
Appreciate that.
But when you come to these, I really encourage you all to always come in with the understanding
of we can learn something new about our hearts, about our journey, about how things can cause
us to just get stuck to show up in situations and relationships, not as our full self, or
even, you know, hinder relationships, even long after marriage.
And remember that this isn't, you know, as you all are in this journey of the last year
single, just remember, of course, we're looking for the spirit mate, but it's not all about
getting to the altar.
It's about creating a heart that has the capacity to sustain a long-term, kind and
loving relationship that works as a team, right?
And so the more that you heal, the more revelation you get about things that have been holding
you back in the past, the more it's going to help you.
So I just want to encourage those of you that still kind of feel like, man, I'm doing everything
I know to do, and it still isn't working.
I just want you to know that God sees you and he loves you and he's with you and he
is going to help you.
And you are going to find, I believe it, your spirit mate and your spirit mate will
find you.
Just continue to partner with that, no matter what comes.
Partnering with that will be a game changer for you.
All right, let me pray for us because we have a lot to cover tonight.
And I do want to engage you all in the chat and kind of get you all talking a little bit
as we go.
Father, thank you so much, just for the reminder of your grace that's sufficient for us, no
matter what season we're in, God on our journey, God, I thank you that you've gone before
us, that you see every one of the spirit mates represented by the people that are
here tonight live, those that are going to watch the replay, God, you know all the intricate
details of the things people have been through on both sides of that relationship that you're
going to bring together.
God, I pray that you just continue to heal us and take us deeper, just in the understanding
and revelation, even of ourselves, God, we know that one whole person partnered with
another whole person, that's what can create the wholeness in a couple units.
So Lord, we just thank you for revealing things for healing.
Yeah, Lord, just help us to recognize the ways that we can even get in our own way at
times and may not even realize it in the moment.
God, I pray that you would just bring enlightenment and revelation from heaven tonight.
Holy Spirit, we thank you that your presence is here.
I thank you that you would help every person hear what they need to hear tonight, God,
that our hearts would be open and not easily offended.
God, that you would help us to just see moments where we've allowed control or perfectionism
to drive the car in moments when we shouldn't have God and that we would have grace towards
ourselves that we would forgive ourselves for times where we have made mistakes or where
we have allowed control to have the first say or perfectionism and God, I thank you
for humility and grace and truth that would prevail tonight in Jesus' name, amen.
So y'all, interestingly enough, I was actually praying about a different topic for tonight
for weeks and Jackie was going to originally plan to be here tonight to do the second session
of Modern Dating Sucks, so y'all, she hasn't forgotten.
The plan now is for her to do that next week, there was just something that she had to finish
doing tonight.
And so I asked her, I said, well, you know, I have something I've been praying about,
but is there something on your heart that you would like covered during Advanced Heartwork?
And she right away said, control and perfectionism.
And so I just started praying into that and put this content together for tonight.
It is based on the original Heartwork content, so I am going to pull out some things that
you all heard and learned when you went through the course the first time.
Maybe some of you have done it even more than once.
But I pray that it will land differently tonight, and that there will be some additional things
that you can really have some handles of how to recognize control or perfectionism.
And you know, as I was putting this stuff together, I was like, Okay, this is hidden
home for me too.
So I just want you all to know, I'm with you, we're in this together, and that God is for
you.
So who can be against you, the enemy will try to hinder us through these things and
cause us as I was even praying to get in our own way sometimes.
And so the goal would be for the Lord to bring revelations so that again, it's not always
about like, sometimes we have these big massive breakthroughs, and that's amazing.
But I really feel like the ones that for me have mattered the most are the ones where
I'm making consistent strides forward, like there's consistent revelation and breakthrough
as we go.
So that's how I want you all to think about it.
If it radically sets some of you free, that's amazing.
But I'm asking God to even help you all to have these tools and things that you think
about, you know, in the next several days, weeks, months ahead, that will continue to
be like, when something happens, you'll be like, Oh, that's what that was.
That's what that was about.
That's what God was trying to say to me.
And so just to kick off tonight, Proverbs 423 in the Passion Translation says this.
So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are.
Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring
of life.
Remember that everything that's in our hearts is going to flow out, right?
It's going to influence how we show up in situations, the way that we think about people,
and even like claims that we make because of decisions that they make, you know, some
of you all, and again, I understand why.
But when we have interactions with people, you know, we tend to say things, well, they're
just so immature, or they need to grow up and, and I'm not saying those things aren't
true.
But I really want to caution you all on really being like harsh and in the way we present,
because the reality is, is that we're all in process.
We're all growing up and maturing.
And I don't know about you all, but you know, let's see how I'm going to be 48.
But man, I feel like the last eight years have been a radical shift of just like constant
maturing.
And there are times that I still think, hmm, I don't know if that was really a mature response
in that situation.
You know, I think where we can have that grace towards ourselves and other people is going
to go a really long way.
So tonight, we're going after these two sneaky things that tend to live in the heart gardens
that we have of control and perfectionism.
And a lot of times they tend to feel like strengths to us.
And that's why they're sneaky, but they actually hinder us hold us back.
And they cause us to kind of tighten the grip when we're doing things, even when we're trying
to go on dates, or interact in conversations with people, or wanting a certain outcome
in a certain way.
And if we don't get that we try to control that narrative and that outcome.
And so what control and perfectionism actually look like, I'm just gonna, I'm going to break
it down in several kind of layers tonight.
And so I'm going to engage you all as we go to hopefully that you won't, I won't lose
you all as we're going through this.
But the first layer is what is control and perfectionism actually look like?
Like how does this show up as fruit?
Remember in the in the heart workbook, we talk about the roots underneath the root system.
You know, if they're unhealthy, they're going to lead to unhealthy fruit.
If they're healthy roots, then they're going to lead to the healthy fruit.
And so you want to be thinking about that as we go as well.
So before we can pull out the roots, though, before we can pull out the things that are
unhealthy, we have to actually be willing to take that kind of when I coach the heartwork,
I talk about looking under the hood, really taking another look at what's going on underneath
the surface.
And as you all can remember, Jackie often talks about, you know, the problem that we're
facing typically isn't actually the problem.
It's just the fruit of the deeper root of something that's going on underneath.
So I just want you to think about even in the last week, just be thinking about this
right now.
You don't even have to put this in the chat.
But I would like you to make a note for yourself, whether that's in your phone, a mental note
right on your paper, a situation in the last week where looking back, you recognize that
you were trying to control an outcome or a person or that you were striving and leaning
toward perfectionism, whether you were expecting perfect behavior from someone else, yourself,
or you just kind of live and exist in the.
This is never enough. This is never enough. I'm never enough.
Just really be thinking about how did that show up even in the last week in your life.
Now here are some examples that I have for you of how these tend to show up.
I'm going to go through control first, and then I'll go through some examples.
And again, as I coach every time, there could always be a lot more.
These are just to get you started thinking about how they are showing up in your life.
So even where you're at, I really want to encourage you just to pray and ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom tonight
and insight regarding how do these show up in your life.
And some of us will be like, I don't struggle with control or perfectionism at all.
And I would love to hope that that is true for all of you, some of you,
but the reality is, is we all on some level tend to struggle with these two things.
So here are some ways they show up.
Control. We have difficulty delegating.
A lot of times this is going to show up in work.
Even if you volunteer, some of y'all as parents, grandparents,
some of you haven't like let go of the reins of your kids, like you're always trying to control things.
That's kind of the delegation aspect as well.
If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.
That's kind of your mantra.
And so even in dating, sometimes we're just really, I'm not going to say the guys aren't like this,
but ladies, I know y'all can be like this.
We're like, man, if he could just actually plan a date, you know,
we get really harsh about somebody that's actually trying to put some effort forth.
And I'm not saying we shouldn't have a good expectation and a hope of having a fun date or whatever,
but the reality is it's not every man is a planner.
Not every woman is a planner.
So I'm going to encourage the ladies to kind of even look through that lens.
Are we expecting perfection?
I'm going to partner the control and perfection together in this scenario.
And really not extending grace to partner with a guy in planning a date.
Now, if the guy wants to plan the date and feels strong and confident in that, cool, awesome.
That's really great.
But I want to encourage us to not dismiss a guy and pass him over if that isn't one of his strengths,
especially if you're a planner.
Now, if you've been in the driver's seat and God's asking you to let go of the reins some,
because you're always a planner, then you need to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in that
and then not criticize the guy left and right, okay?
That's letting go and learning how to receive, okay?
So that's the thing.
That's one example.
Here's another one.
Feeling anxious or unsettled when plans change unexpectedly.
Man, that hit home for me today.
I was thinking about this a lot.
Growing up in my home, it was very chaotic.
Things were always changing, very unstable.
And so even things like last-minute changes, even being honest, I had plans tonight.
And I had plans to go somewhere else.
And so even the change of having to coach, I was like, oh, man, that's unexpected.
And so this is a part of my job, obviously, with Ask Your Single, too.
But just, you know, even that can cause feelings of anxiousness or unsettling for me.
So really looking into, okay, remember, the reason we're identifying how these show up in our lives
is not just to stay here, because we're going to walk through later how to get to the root of where these come from, okay?
All right, so over-explaining yourself or justifying your decisions to people who didn't even ask you for an explanation.
Anyone else in this club? I do it.
I've had some people say, well, you don't have to even explain. That's totally fine.
And I'm like, oh, man, I did it again, you know?
So we need to recognize, where is that coming from?
All right, needing to know the outcome before you're willing to take the next step.
Ouch. Yeah.
I want the whole plan before I go anywhere.
I want to know what the outcome's going to be tomorrow.
The reality is, is that God invites us on journeys and adventures, and He really wants us to step out in faith sometimes
and not have to have every aspect of every single thing planned out.
Any vacation planners on here where you have a whole agenda, and if anybody wants to go outside of your agenda,
and you are just not happy?
Anyone? I know there's got to be a few. I like to, now I do like to, when we go on vacation,
you know, we talk about things we want to do and I do like to type up an agenda because I also kind
of fill in the, you know, work things I might have to do so that I don't forget things, but one of
the things I've had to learn how to do as a type A administration person, planner, I love to plan
things. I love to plan events. I love to plan things that we're going to go do. I've had to
really learn how to also be willing to let go of the plan if something comes up or we decide we
want to go do something different or maybe someone else is on that adventure with me and there's
something they really want to go do, right? But so many of us are unwilling to really let go of
those reins and again, those are the things that are kind of holding us up to even go on fun things
with other people. Here's another one. Managing other people's emotions so that you feel more
comfortable. I want you to think about right now some relationships in your life where there's just
a little bit of unrest. We'll call it that. Not total separation. You might have some of that for
some of you as well where there needs to be reconciliation, but right now I'm talking about
even like in your work environment, in the day-to-day with your kids or with whoever,
when people get upset with you, are you constantly striving to try to control their
emotions and how they feel so that you feel more comfortable and at harmony and peace?
Or are you able to actually still be at peace no matter what's going on with those other people?
I'm not saying we shouldn't care, but some of us like blow up people's phones if we think that
they are an ounce upset with us. So be thinking about even how that is affecting, you know,
like partnering with that anxious kind of, that will kick in that anxious attachment like that,
you know, you're always striving to make them happy and make sure they're good and all of those
kind of things. Here's another one. Keeping people at arm's length so that they cannot
disappoint you. This is control at work as well. Here's the last one in this part.
Staying so busy that you never have to sit with what you're actually feeling.
I'm going to say that one again. Staying so busy that you never have to sit with how you're
actually feeling. That is a control self-protection mechanism. Some people don't
like to sit in silence. They don't like their own presence. We talk about this a lot during
the heart work. And if that is something that you struggle with, I want to encourage you to
really get out of your comfort zone and spend time by yourself to really start to learn how
to navigate that. That doesn't mean that God's not going to bring you someone, but you need to
learn how to function and be healthy in that sense so that when that person comes, whether
they're on a trip out of town or you guys are in two different places at some moment, you're going
to still be able to function in a healthy way and not turn into like where you're codependent
in unhealthy ways on them. Okay, here's some for perfectionism. This is how perfectionism tends to
show up for us. Procrastinating on things because if you can't do them perfectly, you would rather
not start. Procrastinating on things because if you can't do them perfectly, you'd rather not start.
Here's another one. Replaying conversations and cringing at what you said.
Anyone here do that? Just the replay and replay, replay things you said.
Yeah, I do that sometimes too. I see some people smiling. It made me think too. Some of you all, I
think, probably go on dates and really are like petrified afterwards. You're just scanning like
how, like, what did I say? What did I say? Was that, should I have said that? Should I have said this?
You know, like even with friends, sometimes we do that. You all, this is the enemy, like causing us
to just be afraid all the time. That we said the wrong thing, we did the wrong thing. Like, I want to just speak peace. God's peace over you.
Because you know what? When people really love us, this is true with you all.
Even if we said something or did something, you know what? They're going to forgive us.
And we don't have to panic that we're going to lose that relationship
because if it was really a healthy friendship or connection, we shouldn't lose it over some
small mistake that we made. Okay? So we
We want to look at what's causing us to be so afraid.
Or some of that can come out of humility,
but then it can kind of flip into just being overly cautious
and that out of balance aspect of it.
Here's another one.
Finding it easier to see what's wrong
than to celebrate what is right.
This is perfectionism at play.
So if some of you, you tend to struggle
with a lot of negativity,
you really struggle to see that anything good
is even happening right now in your life,
that's perfectionism at work there.
I can bet, let's do this really quick.
This was not planned, but I feel like we should do this.
Go ahead and put in there for me in the chat,
one win that you've had in the last week.
Anything, big, small, a win that you've had
in the last week.
Let's just activate this really quick.
And for those that are gonna watch this replay,
I would encourage you all to even sit down
for a few minutes, like when you watch the replay,
whenever you watch it and just say,
okay, here's three to five wins I've had recently.
For those of you watching here live,
after you put the one in the chat tonight,
I really wanna encourage you all to sit with this later
when we jump off.
Just real quick, shouldn't take you that long.
Ask God to help you remember if you forget,
three to five wins.
And you can even do it in the last two weeks.
Y'all, we have a lot of wins.
We really do.
And we need to focus more on those.
It doesn't mean we don't acknowledge the things
that are hard, but we want to focus more on the wins.
Remember what we focus on, we attract, it grows, right?
So think about that.
All right, here's another one.
Struggling to receive compliments.
Deflecting or minimizing things that people say
that are kind to us.
That's perfectionism.
Setting standards for yourself or other people
that are almost impossible for them to meet,
as well as yourself.
For those of you that really struggle with,
like you're never satisfied with anything that you do,
nothing feels good.
Again, this is where this perfectionism,
there's a root to that.
Feeling like good enough is never actually good enough.
Here's the last one in this part.
Tying your worth to your output.
If you're not producing, you don't feel valuable.
So for my, again, overproducers,
it's amazing that we can produce a lot.
I've been in that aspect too.
I mean, I love to accomplish things.
I love to cross really important things off my list.
And the list tends to be how I feel like
I've done something great for the day,
or accomplished the things that I set out to do.
The days where I look at my list
and there's like two crossed off
because I've had like five out of nowhere things come up
that I didn't know were gonna happen.
Those are the days that I tend to think,
unless it was really like, oh, wow, man,
God really moved in that conversation.
Now that's different.
But when it's like people that are complaining
or things coming in or whatever,
and then I look at my list and I'm like, shoot,
I didn't get anything done today.
Those are the days that I tend to feel not happy.
And I'm not saying that we can't feel those ways.
That's a reality of how I feel.
But I also need to look at how I was raised.
It was very competitive in my home.
My oldest brother, who was my main abuser,
was very much put on a pedestal.
He could do no wrong in my family.
But see, the whole time growing up as a teenager,
I knew all the stuff that he did
that was not good.
I knew the stuff that he did was good too,
but I knew the truth.
But yet it was kind of this environment of like,
I was always compared to him regarding my grades,
regarding sports, everything.
And so it really created this dynamic in me
that I've had to really work on over the years
of feeling like I can still have a good day
and not cross everything off on my list.
I know that's a small example, you all,
but it really is a thing.
One of the other ways it's coming up in my spirit
is I was promised a promotion in my prior job
before I started working for Jackie full-time.
And for two years, I did everything they asked me to do
to get that title change and get the pay increase.
Now, I got increases over the years,
but the title meant so much to me, you all.
And I just felt like I never understood
why they were holding me back.
They were holding me back when I was doing everything
and more that they asked me to do.
And you all know my former boss promised me in writing.
I had it in writing and everything, and I never got that.
I never got that title change.
And still to this day, I still am like, I don't understand that.
After I left, I quit that job because I moved to Indiana and God was taking me other places.
The woman that replaced me, they gave her the promotion title like within a month after
I left because she was already working there.
Weird, right?
Not sure why that happened.
But when I look at what God was trying to do in my heart, it was about the title for
me.
It was about accomplishment.
I'm not saying we can't want those things, but they shouldn't be like how we define ourselves.
I'm still that title and more you all.
I am.
And God knows that.
God saw that.
God has promoted me on his own terms into now what I do.
It's not about a title.
It's about what I'm doing for him and how he wants to use my life.
And at the end of the day, I can't take a title to heaven with me.
It doesn't matter, right?
But in us, so often it does, right?
A lot of men, men define themselves a lot by their work and their success in their career.
So we, again, men and women alike just need to look at that.
All right.
Great job on seeing those all come in the chat.
It's good for you all just to keep writing those as they come to mind or jot them down,
like I said.
All right.
So as we're talking about, again, these aspects of how control and perfectionism show up in
our lives, remember, these aren't just personality traits, they are fruits.
And fruits grow from the root.
So here, you don't have to say why it resonated, but I want you to go ahead and put in the
chat which one is resonating more with you tonight, control, perfectionism, or honestly
both.
Drop that in the chat.
Let's see how everyone's feeling.
A lot of both.
I can relate to both in a lot of ways.
And I think, too, for me, I can see aspects of both showing up even now in my life.
And so that's why I would say both for me in this season even.
All right.
Okay, cool.
I'm seeing these come in.
I just wanted to see kind of who was saying what a little bit.
Can you elaborate on why overexplaining is control-oriented?
If I have time, I will do my best to circle back to that because I have a lot more.
And the things I'm going to share on top of what I already shared might help you get the
revelation on that, Pamela, okay?
All right.
Aspect number two, what control and perfectionism are really rooted in?
So now that we kind of know, okay, these are some ways they show up in our lives, we're
going to talk about what is control and perfectionism rooted in.
What a lot of times we don't realize is that, again, they're not rooted in strength.
They're actually rooted in fear.
We tend to try to control or be perfect, walk in perfectionism, because there's internal
fear dialogue going on.
Sometimes a lot of times in our subconscious that we don't even fully understand why we're
doing and saying what we're doing and saying.
Jackie says in the heart work, the more hurt we are, the more we try to control our environment.
She also says that control is an illusion and that out of control can actually be a
healthy place to be because it's where surrender lives.
So if we look at the roots that tend to feed both control and perfectionism, these are
some of the ones, again, there could be more, but this is what I put together for tonight.
Number one, the root of fear of rejection.
If I do it perfectly, nobody can reject me.
Even if I show up perfectly on the date, if I talk perfectly on the date, you know, one
of the things that we tend to do is, you know, we want to be the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend
because we don't want that person to be upset with us or to be displeased with us or do
something that they wouldn't like.
Yeah, we're not.
We're not trying to show up fake, okay?
Do your best to have a great time and be the best version of yourself in this season.
And that's all you can do.
But don't try to hold back who you truly are.
All right.
It's this fear of rejection also says if I can control the outcome, I cannot be left.
This is a vow that we're making internally.
It sounds like this, I will be perfect so that no one.
can turn me away.
Again, we have these internal dialogues and things
and storylines that were running behind the scenes that
are showing up and how we're interacting.
Next one, the brute of shame.
Perfectionism is often shame's best coping mechanism.
If I never make a mistake, no one
will see the parts of me I'm most afraid of.
This is even heading home as I'm saying it out loud.
It's just kind of got me thinking.
You know, growing up, having been sexually abused,
I didn't want anyone to know that happened.
Because I had so much shame about it, embarrassment,
and all those things.
And so I learned how to hide those parts of myself
that I was just terrified for someone to know.
And it makes me think of even, too,
like when I make a mistake, even as an adult, you all,
even in the last year, I have this panic
that happens on the inside.
Like, oh my gosh, I don't want anybody
to know that I made a mistake.
And if that's still showing up in me,
it's probably rooted not just in that one situation I said,
but that's coming from somewhere.
Maybe the harsh response my mom had on many occasions
when I didn't have all As.
You know, this is real stuff.
I mean, of course it was good that my mom
wanted me to do well.
Of course.
But I shouldn't have felt like that defined me.
Right?
I'll never forget when I got a D in, let me think what class
it was, in college.
But I tried so hard.
And the teacher just like, she really did the whole class.
Like, a majority of the class got D's and F's.
Like, I think she really actually enjoyed flunking
people.
I was convinced of that.
But I remember, like, trying so hard in that class.
And I just, nothing that I could do.
Like, I just kept failing these tests and not doing well.
And it was just so hard on me.
And so I don't know if that was for anyone.
Because I haven't even ever mentioned that story.
I don't think ever.
But I think when we look at those moments, like, I didn't
want to tell my mom about that.
I was in college, y'all.
And I'm an adult.
It is what it is.
But I was afraid to tell my mom.
And I was embarrassed that I got a D.
All right, I'm going to keep going.
There's many other examples of shame.
Again, I'm just giving you all examples from my own life.
But, like, think about, are there parts of yourself that
you are ashamed for people to find out?
And if so, you might be shifting into that perfectionism
as a coping mechanism.
This often root of shame, it often whispers to us,
if they really knew you, the real you, they would leave.
Or maybe even never pursue a relationship with you.
Here's another one.
The root of unhealed disappointment.
Control is what we reach for when we've been let down
enough times that we decide we simply cannot afford
to trust anyone else.
It says, I'll just handle it myself.
I'll just stay single.
At least I know I won't let me down.
You know, I've got this.
I don't need anybody.
These things that we tell ourselves to try to convince
ourselves because we're afraid to feel disappointment again,
that typically means there's unhealed disappointment
underneath the surface that needs another look.
The root of unworthiness.
Here's another one.
Oh, did the sound go out for everyone?
Okay.
Megan, that might just be on your end.
You might've just had a bumpy internet connection there.
All right.
I just want to make sure.
The root of unworthiness.
Perfectionism is often an exhausting attempt to earn a place
at the table that we don't believe we naturally deserve.
The performance is the proof.
If I can achieve enough, produce enough, look right enough,
maybe then I'll be enough.
And I just want to put in this.
It's not in my notes, but it's coming back up in my spirit.
You know, if you go into a situation,
this is an example that I've seen come up quite frequently
in the coaching groups.
Believing that you're not picked because of your age.
Y'all, that is a root of unworthiness showing up.
You feel like you're already not picked just because of your age.
Well, we have people getting married in all different ages.
So if that's the case,
Well, then that wouldn't be happening.
So if you are partnering personally with that lie, that is something that you want
to take a look at with the Lord, because your age isn't putting you on the
sidelines, your belief about your age is.
Your perspective of how you're showing up, you know, of that perspective of
yourself is impacting how you're showing up in dates and interactions.
Same thing.
If guys kind of believe, you know, that women are never going to pick me, you
know, whatever that might look like, maybe some of you have certain dynamics.
Y'all let's just say this too, in this day and age, because we're on computers
so much now, our world is increasingly growing in social awkwardness.
Can we just call that elephant out?
It's real.
And so I really want to encourage you all that if you interact with someone
who they might struggle a little bit with some social awkwardness that you
won't just count them out for it.
Some people can grow through that.
If they get some coaching, even myself, I work from home every day, you all, and
I've noticed that since I've been here in Florida, we don't even have the church
building because we're rebuilding that.
So we don't have offices in the church building to go to.
And so I'm literally in my house all the time.
And I noticed the one day, I mean, I'm fine.
So don't anybody worry, but I, because I don't go out that much.
One day when I was out, I'm like, man, I feel weird.
Like it felt weird to drive around and go somewhere.
And, you know, and I know that's such a small example, but if I'm noticing it and I don't
really have a hard time interacting with people, I imagine other people are feeling that too.
So for whoever that's for, I just felt led to mention that because I think that that's
partnering with some unworthiness too, like some of you all might have certain things
that cause you just to get really nervous or really anxious or, you know, some people
over talk on the first date.
You know, I'm not saying allow those things to go on forever if it's really excessive, but
like we might need to just extend some extra grace and really look at what's causing that
in the other person or even in yourself to expect perfection.
There's a difference between expecting perfection and just wanting to have a really good
date from my perspective.
OK, all right, the root of trauma slash survival, that's what I'm calling this one.
Jackie teaches us that trauma doesn't just hurt us, it creates different versions of us.
So control and perfectionism are often these survival mechanisms created by the younger
version of ourselves.
Of who we needed to be back then.
To stay safe.
So I want you to kind of just for a minute, pause and think about the younger version of
yourself. And how did control and perfectionism help you navigate a difficult dynamic
growing up or even in a prior marriage or relationship that wasn't healthy?
And are you still walking that out now, even though you are safe now?
That version of you was brilliant and resourceful as a young kid or teenager or whenever
that situation happened.
But that person doesn't need to run the show anymore.
You don't have to stay in control and you don't have to be perfect.
I remember the first time Brian and I, like, it wasn't like no mistakes had ever happened
at this point, but I just remember one day just feeling like we had this conversation and he
was just talking about, like, I think it was because I was gaining weight or something.
This is a couple of years ago and I just felt so bad because, like, I don't tend to, I've not
tended to have that problem in my life in the past.
But he was like, I still love you the same.
He was like, I still love you the same.
And I just remember thinking like, oh, really?
Because it didn't feel like that was the message I received growing up.
Or even in prior relationships, and I'm not saying we should just be like, oh, let ourselves
go. But what I am saying is that I don't have to fear and try to control the outcome.
I don't have to be afraid that my husband's just going to leave me if I'm not perfect.
OK.
This is three connection I wanna make here
to this trauma survival route.
After everything fell apart in the garden,
you all know I love to talk about the Adam and Eve story.
The first human response was to cover themselves,
to hide and manage how they were seen.
Control and perfectionism were literally
their original coping mechanisms
for that shame that they felt.
They covered everything that they now knew was naked.
Shame fueled that.
So, if you're willing,
I would love for you to put in the chat
what route that I went through tonight, just now,
that route of rejection, route of shame,
unhealed disappointment, unworthiness,
trauma and or survival, that trauma survival one.
Which one is resonating with you the most tonight?
You don't have to say why, you can,
unless you want to, if you wanna name it, why,
but more what I'm looking for
is which one is resonating with you tonight?
All right, some shame and trauma,
route of rejection and shame, rejection,
sorry, I might not keep up with these, unworthiness.
None of them, that's great, Tim.
Unhealed disappointment, unworthiness.
All right, so Tim, if none of those are resonating for you,
I would be curious for you,
where does control and perfectionism show up in your life?
Because most people have it somewhere.
Unhealed disappointment, rejection,
we've got some survival.
Okay, I'm gonna let you guys keep going
and I'm gonna keep moving forward.
The segment number three of this,
the third aspect that I wanna talk about
is what control and perfectionism cost us?
Like when we walk in these things, what does it cost us?
Oh, Tim, you're driving.
I don't mean for you to type while you're driving there.
All right.
I'm sitting in the car.
Okay, as long as you're safe, that's good.
All right, so how do they, what do they cost us?
Excuse me.
They're gonna hinder our freedom and forward movement.
Remember, when we feel like we're stuck, any of you all,
if you feel like you're stuck right now,
remember that that's a signal
that there needs to be healing somewhere
because none of us really are ever stuck.
It's just our perception of ourselves in this situation.
When we let control and perfectionism stay in our lives,
they keep us in survivor mode, not thriving, surviving.
And so maybe even be thinking about right now,
is there any aspect where you've been
just surviving versus thriving?
And y'all, this doesn't have to be your whole life.
Even myself, I think, you know,
there's some aspects of when certain things happen
that can trigger you, you can start to,
we can start to shift back into survivor.
You know, those coping mechanisms, those fear thoughts.
And when we recognize it,
well, then we can allow that to heal
and learn how to shift back into thriving.
So it's not about even in this journey,
you all being perfect and being in complete control
of the growth and healing journey that you're on.
Jackie says, we can either survive or thrive.
We cannot do both.
Control and perfectionism are survival tools.
They were built for a season of danger,
but they become a prison when we try to carry them
into a season of abundance.
How many of you want to go into abundance?
I do, I want abundance in every area,
nothing broken, nothing hindered,
nothing lacking, completely whole.
Like the Bible talks about lacking no good thing.
And so in order to do that,
in order for us to walk into that,
we have to continue to surrender,
continue to shed ourselves of the stuff
that causes us to control
or believe that we have to be perfect.
These two things also cause us to build walls.
This is so good, y'all, if you catch this,
instead of boundaries.
Control and perfectionism cause us to build walls
instead of boundaries.
And remember when Jackie talks in the heart work course,
who tries to scale the walls?
Thieves, thieves.
There's a difference between a boundary
that comes from a healed heart
and a wall that comes from a wounded one.
Control convinces us that keeping everyone
at the right distance is wisdom.
But real intimacy with God and with people
requires surrender, not management.
Here's, thank you, Lord.
The Holy Spirit's so good, you know, management shifts into place as well.
And it can operate in both men and women, even after you get married or you're in
a relationship where, you know, the men can start to try to father the women and
the women can try to shift into mothering the men that's management.
You all, that's not surrender in that relationship.
That's not mutual submission.
It's lording yourself in some way over the other person and stepping into a
place in that relationship that's supposed to be a romantic one that you
were not intended to step into.
And so if you're going on dates or in a dating relationship and you're already
starting to try to mother the person or father the person, that's probably
not the best fit for you.
And I would encourage you to look at what's causing you to step into that.
It's okay if you all aren't, some of you aren't dating, it's good to take a
break sometimes, or even if you haven't felt led to start yet, that's okay.
But look at these aspects of how it might even show up this, you know, fathering
and mothering and managing people and trying to control people can show up
in work relationships.
Again, it can show up in parental relationships, um, at church, like
anywhere, so if you're not in a dating relationship, just look at other
relationships you have right now.
And how are you showing up in those?
Okay.
Control convinces you that keeping, oh, I did that one already.
Okay.
Sorry.
Real.
Okay.
All right.
These control and perfectionism keep us from receiving.
You cannot receive what you are trying to control.
You cannot receive love when you are performing for it.
You cannot receive grace when you're trying to earn it.
When I say this next statement, you know, gentlemen, just kind of put your,
you know, sons, daughters, just kind of, it goes together, but in the book,
I'm quoting Jackie, she says, daughters don't strive, they surrender daughters.
Don't slave.
They inherit same thing for sons.
Sons don't strive.
They surrender.
I even think of the prodigal son.
You all, if you really look at all the layers of that story and what that father
did and the, um, total, like he was willing to be shamed.
I mean, like giving his son, the robe and the ring were a really big deal and
throwing him a party that's on.
All he had to do was come home.
Control and perfectionism are striving.
Okay.
Control and perfectionism cut off the healing process.
Jackie teaches that the Holy spirit needs permission to go into the places
in our hearts that need healing and control puts that you guys, I talk about
all the time that do not enter sign, do not disturb sign up on our hearts, on
the exact doors of the areas where we need healing the most, and this is how
it can kind of show up is, um, you start to move into relationship and something
happens and you get triggered and you automatically just like walls up, push
people away, get really like some people, some of y'all get really nasty to
people.
Some of those people get nasty to you.
Like it's, you know, that's, that's a reaction.
That's not a response that's happening.
And so if you have big reactions to people, even if what they're saying is
not healthy, okay, y'all remember, I think it was one of the last times I led
a session, I was talking all about that man, that about the hot dog situation.
If you don't know what that is, you can listen back to one of my previous
sessions, but that was very offensive.
I was very upset, but I didn't allow myself to escalate with that guy.
I just kindly was like, okay, bless you.
I'm done now.
I'm done with this.
Um, this isn't working for me.
And so we can be kind and, and really look at what's going on.
Are we still willing to surrender for some of you?
Um, you know, it can be really tough.
I just heard the Holy spirit say, some of you are like, I just feel like I
surrender all the time and nothing is working and I really want to encourage
you if that's you, I want you to ask the Lord where that lie came from.
Because here's the reality.
I started, started earlier.
Something is always working.
We all like, unless you're dead, here's the reality.
If you're trying to move forward, if you're really trying to work on
yourself, if you're really applying the coaching, you all should be having
some wins somewhere, even if it's not in the romantic relationship right now.
You know, Jackie talked before about what fields is your life.
ready for harvest in your life right now.
Sometimes, unfortunately, the romance
isn't the right field right now.
But that doesn't mean it's never going to be.
But maybe you're going to harvest over
in the financial field or moving to a new location field.
I don't know.
Writing a book, we have people in here
that have written books since they've started this program.
Powerful.
That was a field that they were ready to harvest.
And they seized that moment.
So if we're sitting here saying, I'm doing all this work
and God's just not showing up for me,
he's not doing his part, that's basically what we're saying.
That is a lie from the enemy.
And so we have to be willing to really look
at where is that coming from.
OK, here's another one.
A lot of times when we are partnering
with control and perfectionism, we
will project those onto other people.
This is really important.
And we're going to kind of slow down for a minute
and we're going to go here.
And this might get some ouches.
I had some today myself.
When we struggle with perfectionism personally,
here are some things that we can project
onto the people around us.
Holding other people to standards they never agreed to.
Here's a reality.
Y'all can date for a year, two years, three years
before you get married, whatever that looks like for you.
And you can still not know the person completely.
And you're going to keep getting to know them.
For those that were married a long time before
and you have people that, former spouses that passed away,
you know this, right?
We're forever getting to know each other.
Because guess what also happens is every season we go through,
we change.
I change.
Brian changes.
Everything we're going through causes us to change again.
So if we think we're just going to know that person
and that's just it, or they're going to know us
and they're just going to always know what to do or say,
that is unrealistic.
And so hopefully, you hear me tonight.
Because that might be something that will help some of you
just be set free even in the way you're
approaching your current dating relationship right now.
Are you holding them to a standard they didn't agree to?
This is for some of you with your kids, too.
Remember, we're supposed to train up a child in the way
that they should go.
It doesn't say the way that we think they should go.
It's the way that they should go.
What is God telling them for their life?
We have right now, one of our people on staff
here at our church was telling us, like Brian and myself,
God led us to move from Indiana here.
This same staff member, kind of interestingly enough,
also was in Indiana.
And God led them here.
And he was telling us that his family did not
want them to come here.
And they're still mad about it.
And remind him of that all the time.
And I was just thinking, like, you know, God called them.
But yet the parents have this standard and expectation
that they're not willing to let go of.
And it's harming the relationship.
And not only that, it's harming it
between the son and his parents and the now daughter-in-law
and the parents.
I mean, they're OK.
They're working through it.
But it's also impacting this guy's, all of the way
his siblings are treating him now, too.
We have to think about what we're saying
and what we're doing and how we're, like,
trying to control and hold on to people.
Yeah, it's hard when our kids grow up.
And even when they're doing things that we know, man,
they should not be doing that.
It's heartbreaking sometimes.
But that's why we're called to intercede and pray for them.
I'm going to go on to the next one.
Becoming quietly critical when people
don't do things the right way, which is your way.
All right, I'm going to tell on myself.
Y'all, I've been so much better about this.
I really have been.
But this is just a small example.
So I like the dishwasher packed a certain way.
And my husband doesn't really like to do dishes, you all.
But on occasion, when the sink gets too full,
y'all, normally I'm just on it.
A clean sink is, like, gold to me.
I don't like dishes stacking up.
I don't ever, I'm not mean, like,
I don't harp on him about it.
I just, but I do sometimes feel a little, like, resentment.
Like, can he not see these dishes in here?
Just being real.
But here's what happens.
When the dishes, when I do let them go,
he will eventually see that the sink is way too full
and he will offer to do them.
And he just doesn't pack the dishwasher the way that I do.
And when we first got married,
I would go in there and rearrange the stuff.
And the last couple years, the Lord's just like,
Now, you all, I'm a super organized person.
So I'm like, well, I can fit more stuff in here
if I just change the way this is.
But you know, the Lord has been whispering to me
from time to time, just let it go.
Just let it go.
I see some people laughing.
So you guys must be relating to me in some way here.
But this is a small example.
But even like, you know, maybe it's just, you know,
I know one, I heard this story that some,
this one guy going, oh, you all, going through Simbis.
He told his wife, don't wash my clothes
because you can't do it the way I want it done.
Legit, this stuff happens.
We've had people get married
and then the women not let the men move stuff
into the house because the man was moving
into the woman's house.
Highly recommend you all one day,
if it's gonna be like that,
choose a new house where y'all move into it together.
But anyways, you know, this is where, again,
this critical spirit comes into play.
Like, you know, if they don't do it how you do it,
it's not good enough.
And I've had to really watch that.
But you know where that came from?
My mom was like that.
If the dishwasher wasn't done the way she wanted it,
when she came home, if my brother's chores,
I think I told you guys this before,
if my brother's chores weren't done,
even if mine were done and my sister's were done,
if my brother's weren't,
my sister and I would get in trouble.
There was just this high standard
and high level of responsibility
that I felt like I had to take on for other people.
And that plays out even in this way.
Okay, I'm gonna keep going.
Feeling genuinely irritated by people
who seem unbothered or sloppy.
This kind of partners with the last one.
Becoming a difficult person to feel safe around people
because the unspoken bar is too high.
I'm sorry, becoming a difficult person to feel safe around.
Like that you aren't safe for other people
because the unspoken bar is so high.
So I want you to be thinking about right now.
Do you struggle to keep friends?
Do you struggle to make deep connections with people?
Do people tend to ask you to stop being so negative?
There's other things,
but those are just a couple coming up in my spirit.
Is the bar too high for other people to reach it?
Here's another one.
Withdrawing love or warmth when someone disappoints you,
even if you never say a word to them.
I know this happens, you all.
And especially those of us
that have grown up in environments,
like I love my mom, you all,
but my mom was very manipulative.
And there was a lot of passive aggressive behavior,
manipulation, narcissistic tendencies.
And then I married someone with those tendencies
and very abusive behaviors.
And then went on to date several other people
that were like that.
And then all the gaslighting came into play
and love bombing and all those things.
And every time it was like it kept growing
until I learned how to heal
and not attract those kinds of people.
But I will tell you that growing up in that environment,
like even another example I'll give you,
like my mom,
cause this is where I was going with my mom,
like she would withdraw love and warmth
if she was upset with us about something.
So two things come to mind.
When my dad got remarried,
which we all got caught off guard,
like we didn't even know that he was seeing someone
until one day my brother called my dad's house
and this boy answered.
And he basically was like, I'm gonna be your brother.
And yeah, that's how we found out
my dad was getting remarried.
And then like within a few weeks, the wedding was happening.
I didn't want to go, but my grandparents begged me.
So I did go and my sister went.
When we came home, now mind you,
my grandma did a really dumb thing.
She brought cake from that wedding, home for my brothers, to my mom's house.
Not cool. But here's why I'm saying this. My mom got so hurt by that, that she literally
wouldn't speak even to my sister and I the rest of the night. Like, she never spoke to us the rest
of that night. Another example is when I told my mom about the abuse that happened with my brothers,
she literally said nothing to me and walked away. The next day, she never spoke to me.
The whole day. And I don't even know when the next time. I can't even remember. I just know
that the next day, she said nothing. She was in a massive cleaning, cleaned the house,
wouldn't speak to anybody. And so I don't know what it was like to be her in that moment.
So I'm not casting judgment on her. Years ago, I did. I had to learn how to not do that.
I'm just saying, those were like, she was withdrawing love and warmth because she was
hurt and disappointed in those situations. And sometimes it wasn't even my fault.
And those are big ones, but it also happened in little ones too.
So no matter how it happens, withdrawing love or warmth when someone disappoints us
is, again, where we're expecting people to be perfect. And it's just not a healthy way for us
to live. Here's one last one, and then we're going to move on. Making people feel like they
are never quite enough for you, even if that's not your intention. And, you know, again, sometimes
we do things subconsciously. So we just want to look at that and see where it's coming from.
So we want to sit with these a little bit in the weeks ahead. And again, you might,
you might be like, yeah, none of this is me. And if that's really true, cool. But I really want to
encourage you just to ask the Lord, like, does this, any of this apply to me? Do I show up in
any of these ways? Because perfection, the perfectionism we refuse to bring to God,
the control we refuse to bring to God, doesn't just stay on the inside of us. It actually bleeds
out onto the people closest to us. Okay, so I'm going to activate you in the chat.
Yeah, some other people are relating to some things I was saying about my mom there. Sorry,
I was, I was kind of into what I was talking to you all about. So I wasn't keeping up with the chat.
Okay, so has perfectionism, this is my question to you, has perfectionism or control ever created
distance in a relationship with a friend, a family member, someone you were dating or married to,
you don't have to name the person by name, okay? Just you can say yes, no, or working on it.
Yes, it has. These have impacted. They haven't or I'm working on it. A lot of yeses. Me too.
This one just came up in my spirit too. How many of you, like someone you're praying for them to
give their life to Christ, you're just trying to really control that process in their lives?
That's another way that that can kind of show up in the Christian world a lot.
All right, thanks guys. Thanks everyone for chiming in. It's helpful to see where everyone's
kind of at with this. I know a lot of people are kind of like, oh, I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know where everyone's kind of at with this. We might even want to take this deeper,
depending on how the rest of tonight goes. I'm already at nine, but I still have more,
so bear with me. If we have time for the heartwork seat, we'll definitely open up for it. We'll just
see how this last segment goes. All right, so how do we come, how do we, how do we shift out
how do we shift out of perfectionism? Y'all, surrender. Remember in the heartwork,
surrendering the pen. Y'all get that permission slip back out. I'm telling you, don't go get your
old one out. Print a new one. If you're like, where do I get that? For those of you that are
in phase three, when you go in the last year single app and you click on the courses tab,
you're going to see the heartwork is in there for you. It's not your old one that you kind of had
all your percentages, but if you go in there, that worksheet's in there for you. The gentleman,
it's going to be the same thing. You're going to go in your courses tab and you're going to look
in the course and you'll find that, that surrender should be in the welcome area as well as week one.
Print that out. I want you to fill it out like it's the first time, fresh, and ask the Lord,
is there anything I need to surrender regarding control and perfectionism? And let's just apply
it to that. And then what I love to do is encourage you all to put it up somewhere where
you can see it and where you're praying about it consistently right now. Okay. All right. So
number one is surrender, but here's the other thing.
We have to come out of agreement with those things.
So remember, the way we do this is repentance, confession,
forgiveness.
Remember, confession, excuse me.
I totally mixed up repentance and confession together.
That was really funny.
Repentance is coming out of agreement
with the lie underneath the surface, OK?
So for example, the lie underneath of control is,
and again, there's more, but this is one for tonight.
I cannot trust anyone, including God, to come through for me.
A lie underneath of control a lot of the time
is, I cannot trust anyone, including God,
to come through for me.
And then what we do is, this is where we are like that whole
Jesus take the wheel, no, then we give it back,
then we take it back, then we give it, you know,
that whole thing.
That's what we're talking about right now, OK?
The lie underneath of perfectionism
is, my worth is conditional.
I have to earn my place.
These are lies, and the first step is saying out loud,
I have been believing this, whatever this is,
and I am choosing to come out of agreement with it.
Back in the day, when Jackie said,
you know, to come out of agreement with independence
and come into agreement with interdependence on God, man,
that hit me like deep.
And I remember just writing it on a Post-it note
and sticking it on my bathroom mirror,
and I prayed that over myself a lot.
Because, you know, I had convinced myself as a teenager.
Because imagine, like, even in that moment,
I told my mom that horrible stuff,
and she just left me alone to deal with it.
She never circled back to that with me.
And even as an adult, I tried to talk to her about it,
and she was really never able or willing to do it.
And I have forgiven her for that.
But y'all, when you go through situations like that,
when we go through stuff, even small things,
we believe the lie that nobody's going to help us,
nobody's going to come through for us,
so I just got to, I have to do it myself.
Remember that little mantra we learn as little kids?
We throw tantrums as two-year-olds.
I want to do it myself, do it myself, do it myself.
Well, that is still on the inside of us in some areas,
and it's showing up and manifesting in different ways.
Hey, confession.
Remember, confession is letting it actually be seen.
So remember, confessing our sins one to another.
Y'all, if this is hitting home for you,
I want to encourage you to come in
and confess it in the groups this week.
Be seen in this.
Don't be afraid of it.
We all have imperfections.
We all are healing.
Remember I started out tonight?
We're in this together.
I've been confessing to you all all night.
I still sometimes look in that dishwasher
and like, mm, I might want to move that around.
Okay, I can do this.
I can let it go.
I have to remind myself.
I use the dishwasher
because I'm trying to lighten the mood too,
because, you know, telling heavy, hard stories,
you got to balance it out with some lighthearted, fun stuff.
But you guys, some of you all are going to remember this
when you're married and you're staring at your dishwasher
thinking the same thing I'm saying tonight.
Praise the Lord.
God helps us in the little things as much as the big things.
So back to this confession.
Remember, you know, there is so much power
in what can be accessed through vulnerability.
Remember, you want to tell the right people.
You want to tell people that are safe.
This community is a safe place.
The person, you know, the people,
those of us who have been white-knuckling control for years,
quietly performing for everyone around us,
there's something so powerful when we just say,
I have been exhausted trying to manage everything
and I'm tired.
Y'all, when I read this today, as I was putting,
just thinking about some of the things
as I was processing things I've written down,
and this was one of the things I wrote down over the years.
I'm tired, I'm exhausted of trying to hold it all together
when I don't feel like I have it together at all.
The perfectionism in me has over the years,
and it's something I have to really try to keep in check,
and has tried to cause me to run myself ragged for everyone.
And then I tend to be the one that gets the last.
And I have to really work at taking care of myself.
going and getting massages, you know, getting my nails done if I want to do that,
getting my hair done. Those are simple things that help me feed back into myself.
Let God pour into me as other people are taking care of me.
It's worth it for me to budget for that stuff.
You guys might not care about that. Maybe for you, it's going on a walk,
whatever it is for you.
You got to find those things because we're out.
Some of us are so out of balance and we're resenting everybody else around us for
it.
And God's wanting us to come out of that.
He's wanting us to know that we don't have to try to manage this dating
relationship. You guys, yes, I just said that.
You don't have to manage your dating relationship.
If you're having fun and you're getting to know them,
even in the awkward moments, you all,
you don't have to manage it and try to control it and make sure everything
happens the way I remember when, when Brian, a couple of things,
one time he was on the way for those of you that don't know the story with my
husband and I, we were long distance,
four hours apart and he drove almost every weekend to come and see me.
And then on occasion I would drive to Indiana.
But one time he was on the way to see me and it was like a torrential
downpour. It was raining so hard and he's driving in the rain.
His car literally hydroplaned and spun off the road.
Praise the Lord. He was not harmed. I don't know how it was by God's grace.
There was like four lanes of freeway, cars all over the freeway.
No one hit him. And so he was able to drive out of there.
But you want to know what, what also happened in my spirit.
I was praising God that he was safe, but I remember thinking,
our date is ruined now.
We've had, we have flesh, y'all, we have flesh and it shows up.
I dealt with that quickly because of course it wasn't ruined.
He was safe and we were still going to have time together.
It just wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to go that night.
And so I was disappointed. Do you see?
But see, if I had allowed that disappointment to then cause a
reaction versus, you know,
then cause a reaction versus a, where did that come from?
That wasn't very good in me and just deal with it.
When he got there, he was exhausted. So you all,
we didn't have a date that night.
He ended up going to the hotel and checking in and getting sleep,
which he needed. Was I disappointed? Sure.
But man, I was really glad he was safe. And that's what I focused on.
And then the next day we had a great date.
Some of you all that, that kind of stuff is going to put you out.
And if that's the case you want to look at, like I said,
that night for me it was kind of a blip and I had to like,
where'd that come from? And I needed to deal with that inside of myself.
One of the other times he was going to come visit me, he got COVID.
Super disappointed. He couldn't come at all.
And I could have just been stuck in that pity party kind of stuff.
But you know what we ended up doing?
We logged in and we timed watching the same show at the same time.
And then we like talked about it after.
And we just did a video date like that.
I'm just saying this because some of y'all need to hear this.
These are the small things that get in the way of us still enjoying something,
even when it doesn't go the way we want it to.
But genuinely, some of you would go off on that person,
even though there's nothing they can do about being sick.
This is legit and I know what happens. That's why I'm saying it.
Okay. Are we willing to surrender at all?
Even in the moments we get disappointed because something doesn't go the way we
want it to? I had a whole butterfly release,
this big, beautiful thing in my head.
For my wedding, it was just going to be this amazing experience.
Yeah, it did not go that way.
People went to open the butterflies and they were all dead.
You all, I paid a lot of money for those butterflies.
Not one was alive, but you all want to know something?
We were in this garden and there was a butterfly garden over right by there.
And you know, after the way in that moment,
you all imagine I'm the bride up in the altar and it's supposed to be this big,
beautiful memory moment, excuse me. And part of it, here's the other kicker.
The reason I did that is butterflies meant a lot to me and my mom.
And Brian's dad passed away a few years before we got married and it was in
honor of our parents.
Man, that just hit me a little bit there.
In that moment, I felt this automatic disappointment.
Because that was like my moment to like honor them and it was supposed to be this big beautiful thing and they were all dead.
But you know what? All I could think in that moment was like, well, that didn't go as planned and that was literally what came out of my mouth at the altar.
And I just kind of had to laugh it off and we continued with the rest of the ceremony and it was beautiful and it was wonderful and the rest of the night was.
Do you know that during the reception, people started sending me photos.
The whole ceremony, there was a butterfly on my veil.
The whole ceremony.
So I don't know who this story is for, but even in weddings, you know, sometimes we just gotta let it go.
You know, just let it go. Listen to that song.
For those of you, you might need to listen to that song this week from Frozen and just breathe and let some stuff go.
None of that was in my notes, so praise the Lord. The Lord knows what we need when we need it, right?
Surrender, posture changes everything.
When we yield, Jackie defines it in the book and in the Course as falling back into the arms of.
In that moment in my wedding, I just had to do a quick fall back into the arms of the Lord because he knew how much that meant to me.
But even in that, like, he had this butterfly on me. I really believe it was the Lord that whole time.
And it wasn't that I had to have that to feel like, you know, my family was, our family was with us, but God just gave that to me.
Just because he can and he does.
So tonight's invitation is not for you to try harder to stop being controlling, to try harder to stop walking in perfectionism.
It's to fall back.
And if you don't believe that God will catch you, well, that's a revealing for healing in and of itself.
Because he is capable. His arms are big.
When we trust that God will catch us in the exact place that we need him to touch the control, to touch the perfectionism, to touch the areas that led us to become that way.
Remember when we were young or whenever the trauma happened and we started partnering with these things, those are the places that need healed.
And I'm big on us really going back to that younger version of ourselves and just saying, hey, I love you.
Like you did the best you could with the information you had.
And I'm even speaking to myself right now.
Like we need to do more of that.
I've made mistakes on my journey 100%. I still do.
But God loves me and I have amazing husband who loves me, even when I make mistakes as well as other people that love me too.
But so often we believe that we have nobody, that we're not moving forward.
Do you see how this, the enemy just wants, like what Jackie said on Supernatural Saturday, I hope you guys caught it.
If you didn't listen to it yet, please listen to it.
One of the things she said is that God is the creator. He created everything.
And then he created us to create things.
Well, the devil can't create. He's just about death and stealing and destroying and crushing things.
But Jesus came to give us life and give it to us more abundantly, enable us and to enable us to be able to use the power within us that is from him to create.
So everything that we say creates something.
And that's what Jackie was talking about.
And so again, it's not that we can't feel negative things, but what are our mouths and our spirits? What are we partnering with?
You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to control to get an outcome.
God is on your side. He's fighting for you.
So here, just to remind you all of the heartwork prayer, teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
It's so true. I believe that. I mean, I just feel that like we need his help.
Before I got on here tonight, I'm like, God, I need you.
When I'm tired, I need him. When I'm like, okay, I put the content together, but what I need you to show up.
I'm just a vessel.
I need his presence to touch you all and help you know what you need and hear what he wants you to hear.
So where do you need him tonight to to teach you to show up to heal you to grow you?
You know, you can pray something like, Lord, show me what I'm afraid will happen if I let go.
Show me the lie. I've been believing that made me feel that it was necessary for me to walk in perfectionism.
Heal the wounds underneath of the surface here.
So my last activation and then maybe I'll open heart heartwork seat for like 10 or 15 minutes y'all.
This was good. I was ministering to me. So we'll just soak this up as much as possible.
But here's your last question for the chat.
What's one thing you've been trying to control or perform your way through like perfectionism?
That's what I'm talking to that you're choosing to surrender to God tonight.
What's one thing you're going to choose to let go of tonight?
Some people start to put some stuff in there. Sometimes I feel like letting go is giving up.
That's really good connection there, Leslie, but that's not let's look at that.
Okay, with the Lord like wins the first time you believe the lie that letting go and surrendering is giving up because there is a difference.
Giving up means we literally just excuse me, walk away and we just like we're not engaged anymore to let go and surrender is still partnership is still connection.
Well, you ought to think about that. That was really good.
Surrender and letting go is still partnership. It's still connection because you're connected to God. That's who you're letting go to.
And if he's God catching you, then how is it giving up?
Remember like you're connected. You're one with him as he is one with the father if we believe that.
So maybe tonight also I hear the Holy Spirit talking so I'm going to linger here for a minute.
Thank you, Lord. Maybe tonight as we close. It's like assessing how connected are you right now to the Lord?
Not religious duty. Not just reading your Bible, but like, how's your connection doing with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
All right, Lord, we're going to go after this a little bit. Because I think this is kind of a key here for some of you.
All right. Thank you, Father. I want you to imagine just like even, you know, you might want to do this to kind of connect with what I'm saying when you jump off of here.
But like imagine yourself just taking a plug and plugging it in the wall.
That is the reconnect between you and God as well. Remember, he's God and he's connected to you.
That is the reconnect between you and God as well. Remember, he's the vine, we're the branches, and we can't do anything apart from him.
We can't date in a healthy way without him. We can't walk in the fruits of the Spirit without him.
We can't have joy unspeakable and full of glory without him.
Yes, Lord, we can't surrender control and perfectionism without him. I feel the Holy Spirit. God is so good to us. Thank you, Father.
Is giving up online dating surrendering? If that's what you feel led to do right now? Sure.
Sometimes we need to take a break and re kind of calibrate.
So I talked to the HeartWork group this last week about soaking. I don't know if you all have ever heard of soaking.
But I learned it when I went to Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship actually years ago.
And it was when they had a revival going on there and I had never been exposed to anything like it.
And so I didn't come equipped like some other people did. But that's cool, Crystal.
But legit, they part of this conference, like it was a conference that I went to.
But it was all about really learning how to connect with the Spirit in all different ways.
And people brought pillows and blankets and the whole thing, the whole shebang.
And I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
I didn't know that that was the thing, so I didn't have all that, but the point is that what we learned during this session was that just to lay down, and not just lay down and rest, but to really try to rid our minds, that's what they taught us, of thought.
And I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
To really try to practice the art of, like, silence in our mind.
Because, see, the thing is, is so many of us, our minds are just constantly going. Constantly going.
And the key wasn't just to silence our mind of our own thoughts, but then it was to invite the Lord to speak to us what He wanted to say.
And I know that some of you, you know, we get this kickback a lot, I don't hear from God. I don't hear from God.
And I just want to encourage you, I try to say this all the time, you might not know how to do this yet, but that doesn't mean you can't learn over time.
The things that I talk to you all about regarding prayer, the prophetic that I operate, I mean, I've been saved since 1998, it's been a long time.
You guys see me now, you don't see all the things I went through to get here, to learn these things.
See, we see people's highlight reels, we see people now and we just think, like, it should just happen for us in a day, or a year.
And this is why it's important that we don't compare ourselves to other people.
Again, I don't know who this stuff is for, but God just wants you to, like, really have grace for yourself.
Whom the Son has set free is free indeed. You're free to walk into a healthy relationship.
You are. You might not believe it yet, but God's healing you, He's restoring you, He's redeeming you, and He's rebuilding the foundation of your life so that you can step into healthy relationship.
Practicing letting go of control and perfectionism is just another tool in your tool belt to help you get there.
He's for you. Remember?
So whatever you need to do in the days ahead to partner with us, I want to encourage you to do that.
I'm not going to open it up for a long time, but I am going to pause there.
Is there anyone that does want to get in the heartwork seat tonight?
You need to really work through something because you just do not know how to navigate control or perfectionism and how it might be showing up in your life.
Okay, awesome. Elizabeth, go ahead.
Yeah, God's really been highlighting this in my life in like so many ways.
And it's really been a big piece of friction in my dating life and just across the board.
And even today, I had a ballroom lesson and my partner is really honing in on it of learning to trust his leadership.
And he he shared, like, actually, by the time you get to really advanced dancing, it's such a mutual exchange.
And that's what allows for this intricate. Movement.
And so it's such a beautiful picture of like what I want, but I sometimes get so locked in this sort of perfectionism because I so want to look excellent that sometimes that comes up and then it plays out.
And so the perfectionism and for me and the control interact with each other.
It really stems to my dad and really that it's more so with men.
And where I can do it myself, I don't need to or I overfunction and do a lot of the emotional lifting because my dad expects me to emotionally lift him and fit his narrative.
And if I don't agree to his narrative, if I don't do the work.
Then he doesn't have a relationship with me.
OK, tell me what you mean by that, doing the emotional lifting for dad. How does that show up in your life now?
I think. Trying to like.
Well, worried about like not being enough, needing to prove myself, prove my desirability and this fear of being judged that actually leads to a lot of walls and rigidness comes up as a lot of rigidity.
Get told a lot to relax.
So it's hard just to be myself and kind of the chasing and the over explaining, like if you just understood, then it would.
So that's how it's particularly shown up in the dating of like over explaining.
Yeah, and wanting to have things all figured out because of my anxiety.
So give me an example of how overexplaining showed up in a dating scenario.
Just like kind of like hone in on one example that you can think of.
It's gotten a lot better, but in the past it would look like having to explain why I
show up in certain ways instead of just accepting like where I'm at and who I am of like, oh,
I have walls and it's because of this.
Almost like putting on like if you could just love me, then it would be okay.
Okay.
And so you mentioned regarding dad told you to relax a lot.
You felt like you couldn't really be yourself.
So other men, like I constantly, like when I've gone on dates, they feel the tension
in the guardedness.
And so like, there's just such a, and I've had multiple guys and relationships because
they're like, I, I don't know what it is, but like, I just like, I can't connect with
you.
I just don't feel anything.
You're not my person.
Like, I don't know what it is.
So it's been this like ambiguous, like you're great, but, and my dad used to say, you're
great.
But.
Okay.
So like, tell me, tell me one time that you can think of, there's probably many, but what
comes to mind when your dad said that to you, like the root, the first time you can remember.
I was in high school and we were in the kitchen and I'd gotten in a conflict with him and
my mom and he said, you're great, but like, this is this area.
Okay.
What was it?
Do you remember?
Um, I just like my, like, basically like, wasn't being heard a lot of invalidation and
I was reactive and it was the reactiveness that he was criticizing.
So kind of like who I was, was being seen as not being enough or he couldn't handle
your emotions is what I hear you saying.
Oh yeah.
He even told me like, you're a girl, so your emotions don't matter.
Okay.
Do you happen to know what the dynamic was between him and his parents?
Oh, he hated his mom.
Okay.
So did his mom have really big emotions?
She's probably a borderline, very dramatic.
Everyone in my family would say grandma was a drama queen and people talk bad about my
grandma, like the rest of the family.
Yeah.
So it doesn't make it okay, obviously, but I just, I'm trying to like make some connections
to that because kind of the thing that I'm seeing and hearing you say is in a sense,
you're shut down emotionally when you're interacting with these people, like you have a lot of
walls up and they're picking up on that because they feel like they can't actually connect
with you.
And it stems back to basically not feeling like you could have emotions around your dad
and be yourself.
And so what I want to like get you to really work on this week is make a list of like,
if you can imagine Elizabeth completely free, unhindered, and this might be a challenge
for you.
Okay.
I don't want you to really pick apart like, Oh, I can't do this.
I can't do it.
Unhindered.
Okay.
Free Elizabeth, where you can feel what you need to feel.
You can be who you need to be or want to be.
I want you to like write down a list, like kind of describe what that would look like.
What would that feel like?
Like what are some ways that you would show up in life that you don't right now?
Like where you might show up differently and just kind of even working through that process.
I'd love for you to come into one of the groups and post kind of what, you know, what the
Lord is leading you through, even if it's really hard.
Okay.
That's where we're going to really try to hone in on, okay, because for me, I want you
to try to connect with your emotions.
And I'm not saying you're not at all, but I'm saying it, the way that we shift out of
not allowing our emotions to be seen in front of other people is to actually allow them
to be revealed in like within our, like by ourselves.
Okay.
So for example, I was never really felt okay to cry around people when I was younger, shamed
a lot for it.
A lot of like things were said, I would always go into the garage outside my house, into
the garage, behind the garage at the back of my yard so that I could cry and actually
be allowed to express myself sincerely.
Like I did not feel like I could do that in my house.
And so when I would get around other people.
If I felt myself getting emotional,
I would try to like hide that.
But I'm a really emotional person.
That's a really hard thing for me to do.
Now, I've also had to learn how to balance it, okay?
Because I am a feeler, like I can feel other people's stuff,
I can feel my own stuff.
So as an empath, I've had to learn how to balance that
and not every time I feel something intensely,
allow that to like always kind of go out on other people.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, and I've done a lot of work on that
and I'm not reactive in the ways that I've used to be.
I think where I sometimes the connecting with the,
right, allowing myself to feel the hard emotions,
but also allowing myself to enjoy the positive
and be reciprocal with that,
those are kind of like the pendulum, those are harder.
And I've been working to try to create space for that,
but I still have,
I think there's a lot more that I can grow in that.
So do you feel like you work really hard at everything?
Probably.
Yeah, I hear a lot of that
and even what you're saying and describing.
And so even this kind of exercise that I want you to do,
I don't want you to work hard at it, okay?
I want you to shift a little bit more
into your dreaming place, okay?
Like if I could be completely free,
if I didn't have to worry about,
like I want it to be more of a free flowing
and even if the answers don't come right away
and you only get two, great.
I don't want-
I can envision it,
but I'm noticing that there's grief coming up
as I visualize that picture.
Okay, that's a clue to you.
Yeah.
So this is why sometimes,
you know, I always try to remind everybody that's on,
sometimes we've got to kind of like bounce around
a little bit because when we go through things
and we shut our emotions down, okay?
Even though you're tapped into your emotions some,
I say this out of a lot of love,
I know you've worked really hard to express yourself
and have emotion now, but there's a lot more for you.
Oh yeah.
And I sense that from what you're talking
and how you're expressing things, you know,
that you would be able to be in a relationship
and it wouldn't, the person would no longer say,
how did you say that?
You're great, but they're going to be like,
you're great and, okay?
And so even in that,
I want to encourage you to come out of agreement,
even though it's not something you said,
other people said it to you more than once,
which just like in the kingdom of God's truth,
things that are confirmed multiple times, guess what?
We start to believe them, don't we?
Yeah.
The same thing can happen with the negative.
And so now you have to come out of agreement with that lie.
I'm great, but everybody says I'm great,
but I'm not good enough.
I'm not good enough.
That's what that's feeding into.
So it's like, you've got to say, I, Elizabeth am great.
And my spirit mate is going to find me
and choose me and love me.
And I know sometimes that can be really hard
because sometimes we're going to say this stuff
and not really fully believe it yet.
But that's the part of the healing on the inside
that's going to help us shift towards the,
as we let go of-
Experiential part of it.
Yes.
But for you, especially when you say,
as soon as I start thinking about this thing
or the two things, I'm starting to feel emotion rise up.
I want you to ask the Lord, get inquisitive again.
You know, Lord, what is that emotion that I was feeling?
Where's that coming from?
And just see what comes up for you and just write down.
And again, remember this is discovery.
So even if you don't get all the information
in one sitting, this is about you kind of going,
pulling that thread, so to speak, that I like to say,
you're going to start asking good questions
and the Lord will lead you into more truth.
And I feel like it is, this is all part of your journey.
You are getting more free
and God is working on your behalf and you've got this,
but God's got you.
So this isn't about you working hard at this.
You know, I think for you just cutting loose,
I think of two, I don't know why,
but I'm just going to say this.
I think of two, 13 going on 30.
I don't know if you've ever seen that movie,
but there's this scene where she's 30 now in this part
and she's with all the young girls
and they're jumping on the bed
and maybe they're singing Pat Benatar, I think.
That scene comes to mind for, like to me, for you.
And so I think there's this aspect of you reconnecting
with that kind of fun, like really loose kind of silliness.
Because if you go out, if you look up the scene, they're all dressed up in like, you know, stuff on in that scene and they're young girls, but they've got bras on the outside of their clothes.
And, you know, it's just kind of a fun scene, but that's what I feel like God has for you.
But even in that, you don't have to strive to get there.
I want you to know, like, one of the times someone spoke over me and they were like, you have to stop striving.
And I remember being so broken because like, I just remember thinking I didn't even know I was.
But God led me to be able to walk in genuine joy and celebration in my spirit.
And it wasn't something I had to strive for anymore because he just taught me how to partner with it on the inside.
But there was definitely healing I went through to get to that place.
So you're getting there. It's good. It's all going to work together for your good.
Really, really good. I have one thing I want to talk about in the chat real quick.
I don't know if Leslie is still on here, but Leslie, I see your name still.
She said, do you think counseling when dating is healthy or the need to consider counseling at the dating level more of a sign?
It's not a relationship with pursuing. Well, number one, I think it's important.
Like how long you've been in this relationship. I think that's helpful information.
If there's always a fight, if there's always hard work, y'all, that's probably not good. Right?
But I need more information to actually say that.
So hold that loosely, Leslie, because I don't know enough about this dating relationship to really say that.
But one of the things I will say is you all, if you're in the relationship that you're thinking,
hey, I might want to move forward with this person.
I'm not just promoting Simbas because we make all kinds of money.
Y'all, we don't make a lot of money off of it.
But it will help you if you're considering moving forward with someone because it's going to lead you into questions
and dynamics that you're going to have to talk about because it's homework.
And then you show up in the group and the group talks about them together and we're coaching you through it.
It's a very helpful tool to not only get to know yourself better, but to get to know that person better
and really figure out, is this someone I can marry?
Because I actually like being with them.
You know, remember, we're not trying to force something to work.
Marriage is hard work at times.
Okay, it's the reality because two people are becoming one.
But it's not hard all the time.
There's a lot of fun times.
So, really pay attention to that and make sure that you take a deeper look at that situation
and what is causing the need for counseling.
Now, on the other side of that, I don't think there's anything wrong with counseling.
Now, if you're talking about you all going to couples counseling, I would want to know more there too.
But I highly recommend if there's counseling needed, that you go ahead and start getting counseling
because maybe there's something that God wants to help you heal from more,
that counseling in addition to the coaching and the program will help you.
I did counseling and coaching for several years and it was a game changer.
I'm really grateful I invested in both of those things.
All right.
Crystal, I'll take Crystal and then I am going to go ahead and close down after that tonight.
Hi there.
Hi. Sorry, I didn't have my video on.
Man, this fostering, that thing will shake you to the core.
Jackie's like, oh, you guys have lots of love to give.
Oh, man, that'll just…
If you ever want to get shaken up, anybody, just go to fostering.
Okay, so here we go again.
So, the control thing.
So, I've worked on this much and I have much improvement.
So, I want to start with saying that because seeing the improvement is part of half of the battle, right?
Right.
I like to have things my way, like you said.
So, I had this situation and then you brought up all this other stuff.
My mom was one of these people that if she didn't like something, she would cut you off and she was cold.
So, I had the twins here and there was a Saturday visit.
It was not made known before I took them.
I don't do Saturdays.
I don't work on Saturdays.
Whatever, it's a boundary.
My workers were like, go with it for now.
But when it came to the summer, they were like, all the visits will be expanded.
The father will be taking them.
Whatever, da-da-da-da-da.
Long story, we can make it short.
So, we came down to it.
I asked to not have Saturday or to switch Saturday or to have…
I didn't want to work any Saturdays.
That was it.
That was like none, okay?
But I was like, okay, it can't be all my way, right?
So, I came to a million ways to compromise.
Could it be two Saturdays, two Sundays?
Could it be one Saturday, three Sundays?
Could it be one time in the morning on Saturday, one time in the evening on Saturday?
Saturday, could it change?
The answer to all of these million questions was no, okay?
So I tried to compromise,
and there was no compromise to be made,
so the twins had to leave,
because that was my boundary
that I wasn't gonna work on Saturday.
But as you're talking all about these things today,
and all these things are coming up,
it kind of ends in the same type of thing,
because the woman who was in control,
because I work with a different agency,
and then we have children's aid,
was a very controlling lady,
and then this ends up like everything is just cut off.
So it kind of is like,
it's almost like the same thing,
where you're like cut off,
but it's like I tried to make,
you know, like, I tried to be a team player,
and make a negotiation,
but nothing could be made.
And it's like, I can think of a few situations like this,
and it just ends in the same way.
And I'm like, okay, this isn't cool,
because, you know, like,
in the past I just would have been like,
no, it's like, no, I'm not doing Saturday,
and that's it, I'm not gonna make a compromise
for two Saturdays, two Sundays,
two, you know, like, different times, different this,
three Sundays, one Saturday, whatever.
So, you know, and I feel like it ends the same way
as you were talking about with your mom,
and that I was talking to somebody else
about some health challenges,
and they were like, it seems like you've got some anger,
or something like that,
that's kind of, you know, stored up or laid back.
So I was like, you know, I was like,
maybe this all ties in, you know,
I just say it out loud,
and I know I'll get an answer here,
and Holy Spirit will do something,
and I'll go deal with it.
Well, so I see a little bit of correlation.
One thing that I totally understand
why you wanna hold that Saturday, I do.
But I just wanna kind of put this out there.
I wonder if,
if you could have switched to have your day off
be a different day.
Just putting that out there.
Because like, for example,
I, and my situation is different than yours,
but I just wanna give people example for context.
I can't take my Sabbath on Sundays,
because the church, I work on Sundays, okay?
But if I was just adamant that my Sabbath
has to be on Sunday,
then that would never work, right?
Because now circumstances in my life have changed,
and I'm now working for ministry,
and we work on Sundays.
I think sometimes,
and then some people can actually resent people,
or churches, or dynamics,
because now they're doing something
that they didn't really wanna do.
So if our heart is that we're not willing to change
or shift things,
again, it's okay to have a boundary,
and it's okay to honor that,
as long as your heart is free and clear,
but I kind of hear you saying
it's leading to some other revealing for you.
So God might be just trying to show you
ways that you can shift out of that.
Like, if it's not my way,
it's like the highway kind of thinking.
The things that I do on the Saturday,
the market is only on Saturday.
I can't switch any of that, right?
And that's why I was like,
could it be a different time?
Could it be later in the afternoon?
Could it be,
that's why I was offering all these options
to try to make it work.
Yeah, so you were trying to shift it
and still try to make it work,
just not on that day,
because there were other things that you had going on.
That's what you're saying.
But even later in the day,
like, you know, nine instead of,
you know, right in the middle of when the market is
from eight to 12 in the morning,
you know, that I love to do every,
you know, like, that's just my joy of the summer.
So did that social worker just remove the kids then,
or did you ask the kiddos to go on and be moved somewhere?
Instead of I'm feeling to do this Saturday
at this time, exactly, that's it.
You know, like, just put in my notice.
Okay, so I think the good question to ask the Lord here
is the similarity between this woman and your mom.
So I'm talking in the heartwork,
I don't know if some of you would remember,
I talk in the heartwork about,
and I've probably done advanced heartwork on this
at some point, about brazen mothers.
Brazen, that's the word, B-R-A-Z-E-N.
Okay, I want you to look that word up this week
and really sit with the Lord on it,
because sometimes we can have brazen women in our life
and that were in authority over us
that didn't walk in divine feminine,
they didn't walk in like,
the word that's coming to my spirit
is generosity in their spirit.
And generosity isn't just money,
it's a heart attitude, it's a posture,
you know, where it's a harshness versus love.
You know, like you said, my mom said,
or you said, if she didn't like something,
she just cut it off, cut me off, cut it.
off, whatever. And so I'm just seeing a similarity here, that
might lead you back to some more forgiveness with regarding your
mom. So until that happens, it seems like you're attracting
these women, and then we can also start to function in those
same kind of ways. And not that you were, but I'm just saying
that for context for everybody, that we have to really guard
against not also then walking in those things. And where this
comes in as men being really aggressive, very controlling and
domineering, women just have to submit. So it shows up for men
too, but the women it tends to show up very brazen. Yeah, B-R-A-Z-E-N.
You all can look that up. And so Crystal, I think maybe the Lord
is just doing another layer of revealing for healing regarding
your mom and forgiving her for times that she did, like she
didn't extend grace to you, and she just kind of cut you off.
And as you forgive her for some more things, I feel like maybe
that will start to, you know, kind of cut the cord of that
coming towards you. Remember, it's a spirit, this is a spirit
that's operating through these people, and in this case, women,
and you're seeing it show up, you're strong, and they're
strong, strong women, not, you know, and that's very common.
It's actually really, really common. And so we'll be praying
for you. Let us know how that goes. As you do, I would get out
a forgiveness prayer sheet, revealing for healing cycle and
really just work through that and see what else kind of gets
revealed to you in the process. And then let us know how it
goes.
Definitely, we'll do it. Thanks so much.
Yeah, you're welcome. It's really important, y'all. This
stuff really shows up in all different kinds of ways. This
has been a great session. So glad to have all of you here
with us tonight. Really want to continue to encourage you to
look at and ask with curiosity. Remember, we stay curious, we
ask God good questions. And then he responds. And regarding what
we talked about tonight, Lord, where do I if I have any? Where
does control and perfectionism show up for me? And how is it
hindering me in my relationships? Okay? That's the
main question. Father, thank you so much for everything that
you're doing. Thank you for the healing that's taking place
tonight. God, thank you even for the pause towards the end
tonight just to help people reconnect with you to think
about, you know, how is their connection going with you? We
know that you love us. God, I thank you that your truth is
that you always catch us. Lord, where we are afraid that you
don't come through for us. God, I pray for revelation to come
for every person. Give them an upgrade of revelation of your
love of who you are as a good and faithful father. Yes, Lord.
Yes, Lord, I thank you that you don't cut the string and cause
us to be lost in the crowd. I just, I literally saw like
almost like those things where parents would hook their kids up
to them, you know, for season that was like you saw those
everywhere. Just like God has that set up with us, but it's
not to entangle us. It's not to control us. It's so that we can
stay connected to him in a positive way. And what I heard
him say is he's not clipping the cord. He's not, he's not just
allowing us to be lost in a crowd. So some of you, I just
hear the Lord saying, you think you're lost in the crowd and the
sea of people, but I see you. God sees you. He's working. So
Lord, I pray that you just help us to learn how to stay
connected to you as we surrender and let go. God, that you would
reveal areas for healing, help reveal the lies that we've been
believing the vows that we've claimed and made that hinder us
from the inside out. We know that you're giving us an
upgrade. Teach us, show us, heal us, grow us. In Jesus name.
Amen. God bless you all. We'll see you all in the groups this
week. Remember, come in and confess if there's something you
need to confess, maybe you've been resentful towards someone
or, you know, really trying to lean into that control vibe.
Maybe even towards a guy you went on a date with, I don't
know, whatever it is, come in and confess it. Let's get this
stuff off of us and out of us. Because then you're going to be
a lot more free to show up in a full, happy way. God bless you
all. Have a good night, everyone.
Thank you, Bethany.
God bless you.