WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:20.000 Okay. This is Men's Heart Check-in, Monday, June 15th, 2026. So, sorry if I cough. Hold 2 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:48.000 on. I just have a tick on my throat. I don't know why. Sorry, give me a second, guys. 3 00:00:48.000 --> 00:01:17.000 All right. Sorry about that. That was crazy. It's almost like I breathed in a piece of 4 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:23.000 dust or something just as soon as I start talking. My voice is a little hoarse because I've actually 5 00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:31.000 had a cold. Nasty cold. I mean, chest, all the things. Lost my voice. Had laryngitis. I'm still 6 00:01:31.000 --> 00:01:39.960 kind of getting it back. And for the last week and a half, and it was the week after my son got 7 00:01:39.960 --> 00:01:47.080 married, so before that week leading up to that, he's preparing for marriage, his marriage, the 8 00:01:47.080 --> 00:01:53.160 ceremony, the whole thing. Then we had the ceremony. Then we had family for another week in town. 9 00:01:53.160 --> 00:01:58.200 I get sick during that week, and that was a week and a half or more ago, almost two weeks ago. 10 00:01:58.760 --> 00:02:05.160 So, for the last three weeks, it's been crazy in my life. I've had to replace a component on my well. 11 00:02:05.960 --> 00:02:16.120 I had to have a five-foot clog flushed out of my plumbing in my first house. I've had to have 12 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:25.000 repairs on my roof leaking, and mystery leaks, and new leaks happening, 13 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:31.960 and probably four or five other things I can't even think of right now. So, 14 00:02:32.200 --> 00:02:39.720 it has been an amazing three weeks of trying to gain some victory, I'll tell you. Very trying, 15 00:02:40.360 --> 00:02:50.520 trying times. So, I'm not here to complain, but just kind of want you to understand what's going 16 00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:55.960 on. So, that's what's been going on with me. So, who wants to go first tonight? I want to kind of 17 00:02:56.840 --> 00:03:02.280 open up. Who wants to share, heart work, what's been going on, some wins, some questions, 18 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:09.240 some concerns, anything? I'm ready to go down the rabbit hole. 19 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:15.880 I'm back from the Philippines. 20 00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:17.800 Oh, wow. Yeah. How'd that go? 21 00:03:18.600 --> 00:03:19.960 Yeah, good. I'm engaged now. 22 00:03:21.080 --> 00:03:21.400 Wow. 23 00:03:23.160 --> 00:03:23.720 Yeah, thanks. 24 00:03:24.760 --> 00:03:25.800 Congratulations. 25 00:03:26.360 --> 00:03:34.920 Yeah. So, one big thing I'm thinking about right now is budgeting for saving up for my wedding. 26 00:03:36.120 --> 00:03:42.200 And unfortunately, I really have a lot of expenses, and I think unfortunately I'm going to 27 00:03:42.200 --> 00:03:52.200 have to drop this subscription, because I just have too many things. I know this community has 28 00:03:52.200 --> 00:03:58.680 really been great for me. I love this community, but it's just, I feel like financially, I just 29 00:03:58.680 --> 00:04:04.840 have too many burdens. I need to lighten the load so I can save up for that wedding, especially 30 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:12.120 since it's mostly going to be me funding it. What does that look like as far as where that's 31 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:14.280 going to happen? In the Philippines. 32 00:04:15.080 --> 00:04:15.320 Okay. 33 00:04:15.880 --> 00:04:20.600 So, I'm going to get married in the Philippines, and then I'll live with her over there until 34 00:04:20.600 --> 00:04:23.160 she gets her visa to come here, and then we're going to live here. 35 00:04:25.320 --> 00:04:31.800 So, how is the Philippines? Are you adapting to it pretty well in terms of just what it's like 36 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:33.240 there, life, so forth? 37 00:04:35.960 --> 00:04:37.320 Yeah. I mean, I think- 38 00:04:37.320 --> 00:04:38.680 It's obviously different. 39 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:43.720 From what people say, you really have to live there longer than just one month to really get 40 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:51.960 a sense of what it's like. It's a lot slower paced than what Americans are used to. 41 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:56.520 I think that's one of the complaints that Americans have, because they're not used to 42 00:04:57.480 --> 00:04:59.160 stopping to smell the roses, really. 43 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:08.160 things like to be fast. And it's kind of humbling and good in a way, like, because it forces 44 00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:17.080 you to, like, look at life more simply and just kind of enjoy it. So I think that's a 45 00:05:17.080 --> 00:05:25.520 good thing. I think the toughest thing over there was the work situation because of working 46 00:05:25.520 --> 00:05:33.960 on night shift to stay in Eastern time zone. That whole thing is, like, the main reason 47 00:05:33.960 --> 00:05:40.800 why we've decided to move to the United States, to live in the United States together, because 48 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:47.480 neither of us wants to work night shift for the rest of our lives, which of course is 49 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:54.200 even harder if you have kids. So, yeah, but it's... 50 00:05:54.200 --> 00:06:00.320 Wow, so that's pretty amazing. I have a friend that lives in Thailand actually right now 51 00:06:00.320 --> 00:06:10.200 that I talk to just about every other day. And so I can appreciate kind of like a little 52 00:06:10.200 --> 00:06:13.680 bit more of what you're saying because I've gotten to know kind of vicariously through 53 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:19.640 him, talking with him, what it's like to kind of exist over there and what he's doing. 54 00:06:19.640 --> 00:06:26.800 He's doing some incredible stuff with AI technology that he's building right now. 55 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:28.160 Yeah, it's cool. 56 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:34.640 And so, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I can understand kind of like, you know, vicariously about 57 00:06:34.640 --> 00:06:39.760 what you're saying. I've never been to those places. I've talked to a lot of people that 58 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:46.440 have been through there. But yeah, I can appreciate the fact that there's... I took a group of 59 00:06:46.440 --> 00:06:54.440 high school seniors one time to the Bahamas for their senior trip. And we went to Andros 60 00:06:54.440 --> 00:07:04.160 Island, which is the largest of the Bahamian islands, but the least inhabited. And it took 61 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:10.320 me three days to realize that my cell phone didn't work. I mean, I knew my cell didn't 62 00:07:10.320 --> 00:07:18.760 work. But what I'm saying is it took me three days to feel the effects of not having my 63 00:07:18.760 --> 00:07:25.420 cell phone going off, ringing, texting. And, you know, like that connectivity took me three 64 00:07:25.420 --> 00:07:30.360 days to just sort of like unwind to the point where I was just like, it's actually kind 65 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:36.640 of nice to not have this constant noise and demand and all the stuff for your attention, 66 00:07:36.640 --> 00:07:43.320 you know, in your life. So I experienced that before, and I think it's kind of profound. 67 00:07:43.320 --> 00:07:53.320 And yeah, there's definitely things that can be said going both ways. Well, man, congratulations. 68 00:07:53.320 --> 00:08:00.920 I hope that goes well for you, Andy. I really do. And it sounds like, you know, you've really 69 00:08:00.920 --> 00:08:05.400 found somebody that you've connected with and they're reciprocating. It's been a while. 70 00:08:05.400 --> 00:08:10.400 I mean, because it's been at least, what, I think probably close to a year since you 71 00:08:10.400 --> 00:08:20.560 first mentioned the possibility of this. Yeah. Well, I met her in April of last year. So 72 00:08:20.560 --> 00:08:29.360 it's already like, yeah, it's been over a year. Yeah. So. So, yeah, that's incredible. 73 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:34.799 I think what I think is amazing for everybody listening is that here's Andy. And we've known 74 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:40.400 Andy for several years now in this community and have dealt with a lot of things with everybody. 75 00:08:40.400 --> 00:08:43.679 You know, everybody's gone through a lot of different things and changes and transitions 76 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:51.120 and experiences and, you know, like life before they even encountered like LIS and that kind of 77 00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:56.560 thing. And I just think it's interesting that Andy was just literally willing to go to the 78 00:08:56.560 --> 00:09:01.280 ends of the earth. I mean, like basically like, oh, whatever it takes, if I can't find it here, 79 00:09:01.280 --> 00:09:06.880 I'll go somewhere else. I think that level of determination, you know, I mean, obviously, 80 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:12.720 you're not married yet and, you know, it's like things, you know, you have to work things out and 81 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:20.640 that you're starting, you're starting a journey, you know, that's unknown. Yeah. But I think it's 82 00:09:20.640 --> 00:09:25.280 amazing that, you know, that resolve that you have, you know, to just go do it. 83 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:32.080 One, one question I have is this is kind of an interesting question, but like, 84 00:09:32.640 --> 00:09:42.240 how do you deal with a difference in privacy versus venting in a relationship? Because like, 85 00:09:43.040 --> 00:09:46.800 I'm the type of person that like, if something goes wrong in the relationship, 86 00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:55.040 I like to vent to others about it. But she's the type of person that wants it to just remain 87 00:09:55.040 --> 00:09:59.920 between us and not go outside of us unless we absolutely have to. 88 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.480 off to. 89 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:06.600 So I'm finding that I need to adjust to how 90 00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:07.760 she feels about it. 91 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:14.880 I'll say this about that, and that's a good question, 92 00:10:14.880 --> 00:10:18.600 because I'll just share my own personal experience. 93 00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:22.840 This is not a right or wrong situation in terms 94 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:24.440 of what I'm about to say. 95 00:10:24.440 --> 00:10:27.240 I mean, I'm just going to share with you what I've done. 96 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:30.080 So I'm just sharing my personal experience, 97 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.640 not trying to say this is the right way or wrong way 98 00:10:32.640 --> 00:10:34.880 to do this or that. 99 00:10:34.880 --> 00:10:39.640 But it is very unique to the marriage relationship. 100 00:10:39.640 --> 00:10:41.720 I actually worked with a guy one time 101 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:48.840 when I was doing cable sales door-to-door 15-plus years ago. 102 00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:54.040 And he was good at his job. 103 00:10:54.040 --> 00:10:56.920 He actually was a former NFL player. 104 00:10:56.920 --> 00:11:01.400 He played in the NFL for like a season. 105 00:11:01.400 --> 00:11:03.160 But he was a big dude. 106 00:11:03.160 --> 00:11:04.440 And he always used to say this. 107 00:11:04.440 --> 00:11:13.800 He goes, he would say this answer to just about anything 108 00:11:13.800 --> 00:11:20.280 that would try to like, what do you think about this? 109 00:11:20.280 --> 00:11:22.560 Or what do you think about spending your time doing this? 110 00:11:22.560 --> 00:11:24.040 Or can you do more? 111 00:11:24.040 --> 00:11:25.280 Whatever. 112 00:11:25.280 --> 00:11:29.800 And he'd always say, the only person I'm married to 113 00:11:29.800 --> 00:11:31.040 is Tammy Harris. 114 00:11:31.040 --> 00:11:33.000 And that was his wife. 115 00:11:33.000 --> 00:11:36.960 And his answer was that basically, I 116 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:43.280 prioritize everything in my life in terms of the full-on 117 00:11:43.280 --> 00:11:46.120 commitment is to my wife. 118 00:11:46.120 --> 00:11:50.000 Now, I can commit basically subordinate 119 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:53.040 to that relationship to a point. 120 00:11:53.040 --> 00:11:55.000 But I'm fully committed to my wife. 121 00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:57.320 In other words, he would just say, 122 00:11:57.320 --> 00:11:59.800 yeah, the only person I'm married to is Tammy Harris. 123 00:11:59.800 --> 00:12:04.280 So it's kind of like, as long as it is OK, 124 00:12:04.280 --> 00:12:06.440 whatever you're asking me to do, whatever time you're 125 00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:09.000 asking me to commit, whatever project you want me to work on, 126 00:12:09.000 --> 00:12:13.520 whatever attention you're trying to get from me, 127 00:12:13.520 --> 00:12:17.680 basically, as long as it's if it honors the relationship 128 00:12:17.680 --> 00:12:20.960 with my wife, then it's good. 129 00:12:20.960 --> 00:12:23.680 And I took that piece of advice. 130 00:12:24.040 --> 00:12:26.600 I thought that was kind of interesting. 131 00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:27.680 So there is that. 132 00:12:27.680 --> 00:12:32.600 So there is the sort of full-on commitment between you 133 00:12:32.600 --> 00:12:33.880 and your wife towards each other. 134 00:12:33.880 --> 00:12:39.040 Like, it's you two, and you're going to make it work. 135 00:12:39.040 --> 00:12:41.280 I will say this. 136 00:12:41.280 --> 00:12:45.560 There are things that in the course of relationship 137 00:12:45.560 --> 00:12:49.240 between a man and a woman in marriage, 138 00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:52.560 there does seem to be some situations that come up 139 00:12:52.560 --> 00:12:56.120 where it's like a catch-22. 140 00:12:56.120 --> 00:13:00.720 Like, she says this, and you're like, I hear you, 141 00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:03.280 but I also have my side. 142 00:13:03.280 --> 00:13:05.440 Like, I have needs. 143 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:06.400 I have a point. 144 00:13:06.400 --> 00:13:09.160 I have a truth. 145 00:13:09.160 --> 00:13:14.840 I have a trying to work together, right? 146 00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.400 The more that you can be in agreement on everything, 147 00:13:17.400 --> 00:13:18.760 and the more that you can work together, 148 00:13:18.760 --> 00:13:20.200 the better off you're going to be. 149 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:23.320 But that's not always the case. 150 00:13:23.320 --> 00:13:26.560 Two people that are trying to be in a relationship, 151 00:13:26.560 --> 00:13:29.280 like a marriage relationship, at some point, 152 00:13:29.280 --> 00:13:32.000 they're going to cross. 153 00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:33.440 They're going to disagree. 154 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:36.560 They're going to have opportunities, if you will, 155 00:13:36.560 --> 00:13:39.080 to see things differently. 156 00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:41.400 And especially between a man and a woman, 157 00:13:41.400 --> 00:13:44.360 like, just take anything, men will see it one way. 158 00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:45.920 Women will see it another way. 159 00:13:45.920 --> 00:13:46.680 You just have that. 160 00:13:46.680 --> 00:13:48.840 It's a truth. 161 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:52.520 In terms of the beauty of the marriage relationship, 162 00:13:52.520 --> 00:13:54.200 you're always trying to balance that. 163 00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:58.320 You're always trying to, like, it's a dance, you know? 164 00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:01.960 But sometimes you get into what I call a catch-22, 165 00:14:01.960 --> 00:14:04.040 and that just is like a loop. 166 00:14:04.040 --> 00:14:05.840 And that's like, she says something, you say something. 167 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:07.320 She says something, you say something. 168 00:14:07.320 --> 00:14:09.440 You're sort of at an impasse. 169 00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:12.040 You're sort of at a, like, I don't know what to do about 170 00:14:12.040 --> 00:14:15.200 this, because I have to, like, I'm grounded here, 171 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:17.240 and you're grounded here, and you're digging in here, 172 00:14:17.240 --> 00:14:19.200 and we're at an impasse. 173 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:21.360 Whether it's we're disagreeing on something, 174 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:26.600 or whether we're emotionally trying to vie for the space, 175 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:28.960 or whether, you know, it could be a lot of different things. 176 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:31.440 It doesn't have to be just disagreement, 177 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:36.320 but it just could be a lot of situations that create a loop. 178 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:45.640 And what I found is I found that it's the man's job, duty, 179 00:14:45.640 --> 00:14:47.840 responsibility. 180 00:14:47.840 --> 00:14:51.280 It's the man's opportunity, if you want to put it that way. 181 00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:58.840 It's the man's opportunity to be sort of the mode breaker, 182 00:14:58.840 --> 00:15:01.120 the breaker of the cycle. 183 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.000 But you can do that, like if you're in a disagreement, 184 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.320 I hope you guys are following me 185 00:15:07.320 --> 00:15:09.160 in what I'm trying to say here. 186 00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:12.180 If you're in a disagreement with your spouse, 187 00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:15.780 obviously at any point in time, 188 00:15:16.680 --> 00:15:20.080 one or the other or both can just resign 189 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:23.680 and say, you know what, whatever, 190 00:15:23.680 --> 00:15:24.980 let's just do it your way. 191 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:28.280 You could put down your gauntlet, 192 00:15:28.280 --> 00:15:30.000 you can say, you know what, I just, 193 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:35.000 this is not worth this amount of difficulty for it. 194 00:15:38.880 --> 00:15:43.160 But there are some things worth not fighting for, 195 00:15:43.160 --> 00:15:45.200 but there's some things worth like principle, 196 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:48.400 like no, we really like, this is really important. 197 00:15:49.560 --> 00:15:51.720 And she's like, okay, this is really important. 198 00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:55.840 And you're like, okay, I wanna value both of these things. 199 00:15:55.840 --> 00:15:57.400 And so we have to come to some agreement, 200 00:15:57.400 --> 00:15:58.800 you can't just go around in circles 201 00:15:58.800 --> 00:16:01.240 on this issue or this situation. 202 00:16:02.280 --> 00:16:04.920 And so what I found is sometimes like, 203 00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:07.880 I would go in prayer and I would say, 204 00:16:07.880 --> 00:16:11.180 okay, Lord, we're at this junction. 205 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:17.200 I need, I have to have an answer for this. 206 00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:20.520 I have to have a solution for this. 207 00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:25.120 And uniquely in my situation, 208 00:16:26.160 --> 00:16:28.520 I wasn't used to a strong, 209 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:31.820 well, I was used to strong women, 210 00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:33.680 but I wasn't used to the style 211 00:16:33.680 --> 00:16:35.640 in which being in a relationship, 212 00:16:35.640 --> 00:16:37.480 my first wife and my second wife 213 00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:43.320 handled their communication very differently. 214 00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:48.760 Jackie is very demonstrative, she's very vocal, 215 00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:52.160 she's very like good, she's very convincing. 216 00:16:52.160 --> 00:16:53.920 She's very good with words, 217 00:16:53.920 --> 00:16:56.520 as I'm sure you all would expect 218 00:16:56.520 --> 00:16:58.220 because of how she presents. 219 00:16:58.220 --> 00:17:00.000 She's a leader, she's a visionary. 220 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:01.320 She knows what she wants. 221 00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:05.920 And so when she presents something 222 00:17:07.420 --> 00:17:09.560 and she's like, this is what I want, 223 00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:12.500 it may or may not be right. 224 00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:16.339 She can be wrong. 225 00:17:17.339 --> 00:17:22.339 And lots of times it was, I hear what you're saying, 226 00:17:23.140 --> 00:17:24.619 this is from my perspective. 227 00:17:24.619 --> 00:17:25.859 I hear what you're saying, 228 00:17:25.859 --> 00:17:30.860 but how you're saying it to me is not right. 229 00:17:32.140 --> 00:17:35.900 We don't have to go to this length of strife 230 00:17:35.900 --> 00:17:38.780 or this contention in order to resolve 231 00:17:38.780 --> 00:17:40.500 what it is that you want versus what I want 232 00:17:40.500 --> 00:17:42.200 or whatever we're trying to solve. 233 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:46.640 And so there were times where I would just, 234 00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:49.240 for the sake of not going on to a full on 235 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:53.960 just heated argument and just knock down, drag out fight, 236 00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:57.760 I would just resign in the moment. 237 00:17:58.800 --> 00:18:02.480 And I'd say, okay, I'm not having this, 238 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.440 I'm not having this, we're not going here. 239 00:18:06.600 --> 00:18:08.480 We're not going to the lengths 240 00:18:08.600 --> 00:18:12.200 which this is gonna become very disastrous. 241 00:18:14.120 --> 00:18:17.040 And I would go away from the situation and I would say, 242 00:18:17.040 --> 00:18:19.280 well, I still have to have this conversation. 243 00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:22.420 And so I would go out in prayer and I would say, 244 00:18:22.420 --> 00:18:26.000 I'm gonna do what I call, I came to call this 245 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:27.680 yelling in the spirit, basically. 246 00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:33.220 I would finish the conversation with God. 247 00:18:33.220 --> 00:18:38.220 And I would say, Lord, you see what's going on. 248 00:18:38.220 --> 00:18:41.140 You see my heart, you see my wife's heart. 249 00:18:41.140 --> 00:18:43.840 You see her side, you see my side. 250 00:18:43.840 --> 00:18:47.280 You see that I'm not trying to like dominate. 251 00:18:47.280 --> 00:18:49.820 I'm not trying to just be right for being right sake, 252 00:18:49.820 --> 00:18:52.100 but I do have a point to make. 253 00:18:52.100 --> 00:18:55.060 And I can't make my point because my wife is too emotional 254 00:18:55.060 --> 00:18:58.180 and too high energy and too vested in what it is 255 00:18:58.180 --> 00:19:03.180 she's looking for that she can't hear what I'm saying. 256 00:19:03.260 --> 00:19:05.660 I'm trying to hear what she's trying to say, 257 00:19:05.660 --> 00:19:07.620 but she's not trying to hear me at all. 258 00:19:09.180 --> 00:19:11.860 And so I would say, she's your daughter. 259 00:19:13.540 --> 00:19:17.020 Now, one thing I had going for me 260 00:19:18.060 --> 00:19:20.680 was I knew that Jackie at the end of the day, 261 00:19:22.300 --> 00:19:26.340 that her heart was going to be in the right place. 262 00:19:28.360 --> 00:19:33.100 It might have looked like it was in a different place 263 00:19:33.100 --> 00:19:35.560 during this conversation, 264 00:19:36.520 --> 00:19:41.520 but I had to have my argument. 265 00:19:41.520 --> 00:19:42.360 I had to get it out. 266 00:19:42.360 --> 00:19:44.680 I had to say what I needed to say. 267 00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:47.440 And if I couldn't say it in the conversation with her, 268 00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:48.820 I said it to God. 269 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:54.560 This might sound weird, but I finished the conversation 270 00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:58.960 and God did what he did. 271 00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:00.140 And usually, 272 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.300 within a couple hours, by the end of the day, 273 00:20:02.300 --> 00:20:05.580 or even the next day, within 24 hours, 274 00:20:05.580 --> 00:20:09.780 there was usually some sort of de-escalation 275 00:20:09.780 --> 00:20:12.020 of whatever it was, and we were able to come 276 00:20:12.020 --> 00:20:13.640 to some terms of agreement. 277 00:20:14.980 --> 00:20:17.660 And so that's how you break the cycle, in my opinion. 278 00:20:19.060 --> 00:20:20.580 You might find a different way to do it, 279 00:20:20.580 --> 00:20:25.580 but I think that it is incumbent upon the man 280 00:20:26.020 --> 00:20:29.100 to find a way to break this cycle. 281 00:20:29.100 --> 00:20:32.520 And whether it's just difficult communication, 282 00:20:32.520 --> 00:20:34.380 or whether it's a... 283 00:20:34.380 --> 00:20:38.500 So when you say go outside of the relationship 284 00:20:38.500 --> 00:20:42.700 to fix something, getting advice, 285 00:20:42.700 --> 00:20:45.640 getting good wisdom and counsel, 286 00:20:46.940 --> 00:20:51.940 employing your work in order to problem-solve, 287 00:20:52.740 --> 00:20:55.440 if it's a physical problem that you're trying to solve, 288 00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:58.600 and you're trying to like, 289 00:20:58.600 --> 00:21:00.560 hey, how are we going to pay for this? 290 00:21:00.560 --> 00:21:02.520 Or how are we going to fix this? 291 00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:06.400 Or how are we going to solve this natural problem? 292 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:07.520 It's not an emotional problem, 293 00:21:07.520 --> 00:21:08.800 it's not a relational problem, 294 00:21:08.800 --> 00:21:11.700 it's something in our physical atmosphere 295 00:21:11.700 --> 00:21:13.800 that needs to be changed, and I'm gonna go 296 00:21:13.800 --> 00:21:16.660 and take the responsibility to try to bring about 297 00:21:16.660 --> 00:21:17.860 the resolve to this. 298 00:21:18.360 --> 00:21:19.780 Going to try to, 299 00:21:21.420 --> 00:21:24.860 someone for you to hear your side of the story, 300 00:21:26.580 --> 00:21:31.580 unless they are a loving, wise counselor, 301 00:21:31.900 --> 00:21:35.660 like a pastor, or like a senior member of your family, 302 00:21:35.660 --> 00:21:39.140 or somebody that's a trusted person 303 00:21:39.140 --> 00:21:41.700 that is for your marriage, 304 00:21:43.060 --> 00:21:47.220 unless it's somebody that's a loving, wise counselor, 305 00:21:47.220 --> 00:21:50.180 unless it's somebody that's like that, 306 00:21:50.180 --> 00:21:54.340 I wouldn't just have my day in court, 307 00:21:54.340 --> 00:21:57.860 or I wouldn't have my conversation with just anybody. 308 00:21:59.380 --> 00:22:01.420 It has to be a trusted advisor 309 00:22:01.420 --> 00:22:03.820 that is not just on your side, 310 00:22:03.820 --> 00:22:06.820 but is on the side of your marriage. 311 00:22:06.820 --> 00:22:08.660 That's very, very, very important. 312 00:22:10.180 --> 00:22:13.640 Other than that, and that should be one, maybe two people, 313 00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:17.440 it should be no more than one, or two, 314 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:18.280 or maybe three people. 315 00:22:18.280 --> 00:22:21.320 I mean, like, trusted, trusted, trusted. 316 00:22:22.680 --> 00:22:24.280 Because you don't, 317 00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:28.560 what many people make the mistake of is, 318 00:22:28.560 --> 00:22:30.800 in a relationship, oh, it gets too much, 319 00:22:30.800 --> 00:22:33.240 it gets too hard, it gets too difficult, 320 00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:35.800 and now I've gotta talk to somebody, 321 00:22:35.800 --> 00:22:38.760 and lots of times they pick the wrong person. 322 00:22:38.760 --> 00:22:40.520 They pick their best friend that's like, 323 00:22:40.520 --> 00:22:42.880 you know, gives terrible advice, 324 00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:47.080 they go to the internet, and they try to look up videos, 325 00:22:47.080 --> 00:22:49.840 they go to chat GPT and try to put their whole story 326 00:22:49.840 --> 00:22:52.680 in there, and just get terrible advice. 327 00:22:54.080 --> 00:22:58.160 So you gotta consider the source if you're gonna do that. 328 00:22:59.840 --> 00:23:02.560 And keeping things between you and her 329 00:23:04.040 --> 00:23:08.800 can be helpful as long as you both are working towards, 330 00:23:08.800 --> 00:23:10.680 and you have the same resolve that like, 331 00:23:10.680 --> 00:23:12.640 hey, what's more important is us, 332 00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:16.560 and our communication, our relationship. 333 00:23:16.560 --> 00:23:19.200 You can't just dig in just because I want what I want, 334 00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:21.040 and you want what you want. 335 00:23:21.040 --> 00:23:22.960 There's a level of maturity that has to come up 336 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.800 towards that. 337 00:23:23.800 --> 00:23:25.640 I hope that made sense. 338 00:23:25.640 --> 00:23:29.360 Yeah, that makes sense, and I think part of it 339 00:23:30.280 --> 00:23:32.200 that I'm actually agreeing with her on 340 00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:37.200 is that venting too much can destroy a relationship 341 00:23:37.520 --> 00:23:42.520 because it can make the other spouse feel like 342 00:23:43.080 --> 00:23:45.440 they're being made into the bad guy to be like. 343 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:48.200 Yeah, exactly, and that's one thing that you don't want, 344 00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:50.600 especially early on in a relationship. 345 00:23:50.600 --> 00:23:55.040 One of the greatest things you want to do is to build trust. 346 00:23:55.040 --> 00:23:58.720 And for her, you know, she's telling you, 347 00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:01.920 hey, if you just go vent to everybody and their brother 348 00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:05.680 about us, I can't trust you with the things 349 00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:08.160 I'm trying to communicate to you. 350 00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:09.440 Yeah, mm-hmm. 351 00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:12.840 And that's a big deal in relationship. 352 00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:14.840 So you must work towards that trust. 353 00:24:14.840 --> 00:24:18.880 You must show her that you're willing to work through, 354 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:21.040 communicate as best you can, 355 00:24:21.840 --> 00:24:24.840 and be, most of the times, 356 00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:27.200 most of the time, guys, 357 00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:31.000 I say this with a grain of salt, so hear what I'm saying. 358 00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:32.800 Don't hear what I'm not saying. 359 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:35.240 Most of the times, it's just gonna be like, 360 00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:39.720 babe, whatever you want, most of the time, 361 00:24:40.840 --> 00:24:43.480 because I'm managing the perimeter. 362 00:24:45.400 --> 00:24:47.040 Now, hear what I'm trying to say. 363 00:24:47.040 --> 00:24:49.600 I'm managing the perimeter of our lives. 364 00:24:50.440 --> 00:24:55.440 Like, if it's a threat to our grounds, to the perimeter, 365 00:24:57.120 --> 00:24:58.880 then it's like a big like, whoa, whoa, whoa, 366 00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:00.160 wait a minute, like, no. 367 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.000 That's a that's a boundary 368 00:25:02.460 --> 00:25:04.460 you understand what I'm saying, I 369 00:25:05.460 --> 00:25:12.040 Don't like a boundary like like you would have an acreage and go the boundary issues are the ones where it's like 370 00:25:12.040 --> 00:25:17.300 These are things. This is the hill to die on. This is the thing to go to the mat for 371 00:25:17.360 --> 00:25:23.760 This is the thing to be strong and strengthening as strengthening about from a from a leadership perspective 372 00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:26.880 everything else 373 00:25:27.720 --> 00:25:29.160 Like 374 00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:37.280 like your wife will want you to get just as passionate and excited and just as vehement against a 375 00:25:37.280 --> 00:25:39.280 spider on the wall as 376 00:25:41.040 --> 00:25:43.280 The thing that's trying to like 377 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:48.740 Literally the intruder coming in with a gun to your premises to try to rob you 378 00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:54.440 Like she wants you to get all emotional excited about everything and like dude, that's not possible 379 00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.540 Like I'm not doing that I'm not living my life on X games 380 00:25:59.800 --> 00:26:01.800 for a spider in the corner 381 00:26:02.600 --> 00:26:06.880 Versus a guy come trying to you know, come on my property with a weapon to try to rob us 382 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:10.000 Does that make sense? 383 00:26:12.840 --> 00:26:15.200 No, it doesn't the kid Ken's like no it doesn't make sense 384 00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:21.200 I am at what I'm saying is does my analogy like do you understand what I'm trying to say here, you know women 385 00:26:22.040 --> 00:26:24.280 If I may interject for a second here go ahead 386 00:26:24.280 --> 00:26:28.240 the analogy is good if you can take it in the right sense, but it really can be taken wrong is because 387 00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:32.840 Your wife has to be number one and your TV is far more important than that little spider 388 00:26:32.840 --> 00:26:33.560 You have a problem 389 00:26:33.560 --> 00:26:40.200 And so you have to make her number one in your life and you need a vector you need to guard her you need to 390 00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:45.040 Do everything for her because she's left her mother and her father to cling to you 391 00:26:45.320 --> 00:26:51.920 Yeah, and if she's done that much of a sacrifice your attention should be on her and it should be the point of 392 00:26:53.280 --> 00:26:56.080 What is God what is godly and what is comparable? 393 00:26:56.680 --> 00:27:02.880 Yeah, as a man, you've got to stick on the godly principles and that is your responsibility if you do not 394 00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:06.960 It's an old it's an ancient teaching right of the Old Testament 395 00:27:08.080 --> 00:27:10.320 that if a wife does something wrong and 396 00:27:10.840 --> 00:27:12.840 You know about it 397 00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:17.600 You're responsible as the husband for it and you have to pay the bill not her 398 00:27:18.360 --> 00:27:23.840 And so now it's and so that goes into our lives that if if she is doing something wrong 399 00:27:25.040 --> 00:27:30.080 Your first approach has to be to talk to her now if you can't communicate 400 00:27:31.040 --> 00:27:34.820 Then you need to go learn how to either through books or through a counselor 401 00:27:35.080 --> 00:27:39.640 You need to learn how to communicate and but you need to do that together in front of the counselor 402 00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:46.040 So that you can understand her because when you're younger, it's very hard to understand your wife because you're still young 403 00:27:46.040 --> 00:27:53.040 You're still learning and you got to learn her language. You've got to learn her communication and and for you Andy 404 00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:56.200 It's more than just communication. It's culture 405 00:27:57.560 --> 00:28:00.660 Mm-hmm. I mean this he she's not North American 406 00:28:01.120 --> 00:28:06.360 She's gonna be thinking different than than a North American woman would be thinking as well, too 407 00:28:06.360 --> 00:28:10.720 And trust me the cultures if you do not get the cultured on you're dead in the water 408 00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:15.240 Yeah right now. So here's my thoughts on this one if I may 409 00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.120 Number one. Do you want to bring division amongst the family? 410 00:28:21.080 --> 00:28:26.480 No, and it's okay if you don't want to bring division then they shouldn't know your business in the bedroom 411 00:28:27.120 --> 00:28:28.800 simple as that 412 00:28:28.800 --> 00:28:32.100 Because you what an immature person will bring division 413 00:28:32.660 --> 00:28:36.380 By talking about it with everybody else, but your wife David is correct 414 00:28:36.380 --> 00:28:42.700 You have to be talking to your wife here and in doing so, um, it's as David said it's about trust 415 00:28:43.500 --> 00:28:47.180 Do you want to earn her trust if you go blab it off to everybody else? 416 00:28:47.380 --> 00:28:50.220 Trust me, you're gonna lose her trust for lots and 417 00:28:51.020 --> 00:28:53.380 Disrespect in that realm as well, too 418 00:28:53.540 --> 00:28:57.780 Now if you're not work if things are really that difficult find a good counselor 419 00:28:57.780 --> 00:29:04.700 I'm gonna stay but said a good counselor a good Christian counselor who's gonna teach you how to communicate that you can talk to 420 00:29:04.940 --> 00:29:12.380 But remember what you can't say in front of her should not be said in front of others. Otherwise, it's called gossip 421 00:29:14.100 --> 00:29:16.660 Mm-hmm. Hear me out Andy and that's yeah 422 00:29:17.300 --> 00:29:22.540 Okay, I guess in trouble. So don't if you can't say it in front of her what you're saying to others 423 00:29:22.900 --> 00:29:24.700 You shouldn't be saying it at all 424 00:29:24.700 --> 00:29:26.700 It shows in a maturity. That's all that is 425 00:29:27.460 --> 00:29:34.460 No, you're as I said, you are united with her and not with others so you need to be protecting her you are her protector 426 00:29:34.740 --> 00:29:37.420 But if the protector is knocking her down 427 00:29:38.980 --> 00:29:40.900 Get a hold of this one 428 00:29:40.900 --> 00:29:46.340 You have to be the man of the house and the man of the house always protects protects from five rides rides and protects 429 00:29:46.660 --> 00:29:49.620 And so your discussion should always be with her 430 00:29:49.620 --> 00:29:55.660 Yes, you're gonna have discussions about which way the toilet paper goes over now those you compromise on 431 00:29:55.660 --> 00:29:59.980 You talk it's you're okay. You know what honey? You're right. I should put the toilet 432 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.680 seat down, or I should tell you what, I like the toilet paper going over top instead of underneath. 433 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:13.680 Let's discuss this one. I mean, it sounds silly, but not to her it doesn't. Everything is important, 434 00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:21.040 and it's not to you. These are things that bother you a little bit, the things you need to talk 435 00:30:21.040 --> 00:30:27.360 with her, but it's a beginning place of compromise. We all know, amongst all of us, compromise is 436 00:30:27.360 --> 00:30:35.920 very much a big part of a marriage. But at the end of the day, Andy, you are responsible for 437 00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:48.880 all major decisions. If you screw up, it's you who has to fix it. And if you allow her to make 438 00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:54.480 decisions, which is good, it's good to have, but you have to be ready to allow her to make the 439 00:30:54.480 --> 00:31:02.240 mistake, but you take the responsibility, not her. Okay? That shows a real husband that protects 440 00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:08.480 and provides. You can say to her, honey, I know you wanted to start this business, it failed, 441 00:31:09.120 --> 00:31:14.720 you didn't do da-da-da-da, but you know what? I'm your covering. I'm for you. Let's just take this 442 00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:22.400 as a learning thing for us. How could we do better in the future? Learn from it together. But you 443 00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:26.880 take the responsibility in the end. You don't say, oh, you just blew all this money. No, no. 444 00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:34.400 We just blew all this money. There's no such you. It's always we. And could you plan in the future 445 00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:41.680 for we? Not I, not her. It's always a we. You're united. You're one. And you need to stick it out 446 00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:46.640 as one. And it takes a mature man to be able to do that, and to take responsibility, even when she 447 00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:51.680 doesn't make a good decision, but you're on her side. You're always on her side. And you make 448 00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:57.520 sure that she knows that. So yeah, as David said, pray about it. Do lots of praying. Seek God's 449 00:31:57.520 --> 00:32:02.480 wisdom on it. Seek his word. Because, you know, most of your answers will be found, actually, 450 00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:08.960 in Scripture. And you base your lives upon Scripture. And in doing so, wash her with the 451 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:13.680 word. That means you need to wash her with the word all, you know, Scriptures, Bible study together, 452 00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:18.880 learning together. If you've got a bad situation going on, why not go to the Scriptures and have 453 00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:23.280 a study about it, the two of you. So you can learn about God's ideas. Because remember, 454 00:32:23.280 --> 00:32:28.800 his ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. So go to him, 455 00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:34.000 but go to him together as you're learning together. I think that's something I just 456 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:40.560 wanted to throw in. That's good. I appreciate, Ken. Thank you for chiming in there. Yeah, 457 00:32:40.560 --> 00:32:50.160 because what I feel like lots of times for men is you get to a point where you feel like, 458 00:32:51.680 --> 00:33:03.520 you know, you're trying to lead, you're trying to have a direction, come up to an impasse 459 00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:10.320 or a problem or situation, and something doesn't work out. And like, you know, 460 00:33:10.320 --> 00:33:14.320 Kenton was talking about, like, when she does something, but there's also the things where, 461 00:33:14.320 --> 00:33:22.320 like, you feel like in the decision that you all made this decision together, 462 00:33:23.520 --> 00:33:31.760 and then it still didn't work out, and you feel like, oh, it might have been her fault, 463 00:33:31.760 --> 00:33:37.840 it might have been our fault. But lots of times we're like, oh, it's certainly not just my fault. 464 00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:44.000 And sometimes we have to take more of that, we have to shoulder more of that burden. Part of 465 00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:48.960 what I think Kenton was talking about was that we have to, if you can come to the point as a man, 466 00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:55.280 as a husband, to pretty much just resolve in your heart, you're going to shoulder everything. 467 00:33:56.240 --> 00:34:04.880 That is the approach. That's the approach. And if you get to the point where you're like, 468 00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:11.280 I and my own self as a man don't know the answer to this, don't have the strength for this, 469 00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:18.400 like, this is too much. That's where you go outside the circle, and you get whatever you need 470 00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:27.360 to be stronger. You either go to the gym, and you actually get physically stronger, 471 00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:31.120 you go to get spiritual counseling, and you get spiritually stronger, 472 00:34:31.120 --> 00:34:36.960 or you go get more information, you get more intelligently stronger. But you as the husband 473 00:34:37.520 --> 00:34:44.080 are required to go outside of the circle, if necessary, to go get the strength that you need 474 00:34:44.080 --> 00:34:51.600 in order to shoulder the responsibility. And that is a hard thing. That's not easy. And that 475 00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:56.880 is one of the things that is really probably the most maturing part of the marriage process, 476 00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:59.840 especially for the man. If you can 477 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.240 take on and say you know what nobody's got any bigger shoulders than me it's gonna it's gonna 478 00:35:04.240 --> 00:35:13.680 rest on me and and i i had to come to terms with this on my first divorce because on paper and i've 479 00:35:13.680 --> 00:35:18.640 kind of told the story before on paper i looked kind of like the good guy in the situation because 480 00:35:18.640 --> 00:35:23.200 my wife left me and you look at all the circumstances and all the conditions and 481 00:35:23.200 --> 00:35:30.480 the situations that were happening it looked like my wife left me and she did but i had to come to 482 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:37.280 terms with you know it was my fault i could even say oh you know it was kind of like 50 50 you 483 00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:42.720 know they were both involved you know this and that i'm like no eventually i came to the point 484 00:35:42.720 --> 00:35:49.120 i said you know what it really was all my fault because my marriage failed 485 00:35:49.120 --> 00:35:56.640 now god has brought tremendous amount of reconciliation redemption a whole bunch of 486 00:35:56.640 --> 00:36:03.600 different things in in our history and uh but at the same time i like i had to take 487 00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:09.520 how to shoulder that responsibility and that was not easy to do 488 00:36:11.520 --> 00:36:15.440 and so if you can come to the point where just like you know everything depends upon my 489 00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:20.960 what i do you're going to be a better husband you're going to be a better man you're going to 490 00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:26.960 be a better contributor all along the way you're going to be a better father dave can i interrupt 491 00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:35.920 on that one yeah i always seek your permission first um i came from the opposite dave 492 00:36:37.040 --> 00:36:43.200 is that i i shouldered all of the responsibility on our divorce because i'm i'm a people pleaser 493 00:36:43.280 --> 00:36:49.200 and people pleasers always say it's my fault my counselor had to take me months i mean we're 494 00:36:49.200 --> 00:36:55.040 talking about a dozen or so months to convince me that a breakup isn't just one-sided it is 495 00:36:55.040 --> 00:37:01.280 actually two-sided both have to take responsibility for what they did and because nothing falls apart 496 00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:06.000 you you create something beautiful together or you break something together simple as that yeah 497 00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:11.520 if you know don't know so it isn't always that we should shoulder everything as a man on our 498 00:37:11.520 --> 00:37:17.360 shoulders no let's be mature with this where counselor comes in with the consequence that yes 499 00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:21.920 you did this you take response you repent but remember what is the other side of the coin 500 00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:27.680 and and that one you don't blame her with you still love her there's an old book by um by 501 00:37:27.680 --> 00:37:33.600 another says to keep the love on but in christ we still love her even though she has to take 502 00:37:33.600 --> 00:37:40.080 responsibility if she doesn't she's responsible for that not you but in the case where in marriage 503 00:37:40.080 --> 00:37:45.360 when you're fighting in marriage both you need to take responsibility uh in maturing and they're 504 00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:51.520 saying what is your responsibility what portion of this argument am i doing it wrong it could be 505 00:37:51.520 --> 00:37:57.120 just the way you're communicating or the way you understand um that's where the helping outside 506 00:37:57.120 --> 00:38:02.320 help is because if you go to family members uh yeah you're just gonna it's like dumping on your 507 00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:06.480 family members and they should not know all that stuff because it's none of their business 508 00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:13.200 it's it's a woman needs to feel secure that that what do you discuss stays in the bedroom in so 509 00:38:13.200 --> 00:38:18.880 many words yeah if you can't resolve it they have an agreement that you'll get a counselor not a 510 00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:25.760 family member not a family member that's a pastor okay somebody that's a godly person who's not 511 00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:33.520 biased who will talk to you and understand how to help you communicate better okay that can you 512 00:38:33.520 --> 00:38:39.840 reach out yeah and the reason the reason i frame it that way um kenton for your for your 513 00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:48.720 understanding is is that um my ex-wife actually came to me i think uh five years after we were 514 00:38:48.720 --> 00:38:55.920 divorced and i had already been married to jackie for four years and she said can i have coffee with 515 00:38:55.920 --> 00:39:00.880 you one day she came to me and she basically just like look you know what i did was selfish and what 516 00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:09.920 i did was you know she basically repented in a sense and kind of like you know buried that hatchet 517 00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:18.400 with me and i appreciated that and at the same time i was like you know hey i take responsibility 518 00:39:18.400 --> 00:39:25.360 for the things i did so that we actually had that moment where it was like that but years later it 519 00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:32.160 wasn't until years later that i realized even more i said you know i want to i wanted to shoulder 520 00:39:32.160 --> 00:39:40.960 more of the responsibility in how i had failed my marriage because i felt like i felt like in my 521 00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:48.160 current marriage god was asking me this was about 10 years ago and i felt like god was asking me to 522 00:39:48.160 --> 00:39:57.600 level up and so because of the perspective of where i was at i wasn't being defeated because 523 00:39:58.160 --> 00:39:59.920 i had i took on too much 524 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.480 to the blame in my first marriage, 525 00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:05.360 I was being defeated because I didn't take enough 526 00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:09.580 of the responsibility in the sense that that way. 527 00:40:09.580 --> 00:40:11.960 So for me, it was kind of like, 528 00:40:11.960 --> 00:40:15.280 I wanna show, I'm not trying to take all the blame, 529 00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:20.200 but I'm just trying to shoulder the majority of like, 530 00:40:20.200 --> 00:40:25.200 hey, look, if you could do as a husband, 531 00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:28.720 everything that you could do 532 00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:30.320 in order to serve your marriage well, 533 00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:35.320 not just for it to not fall apart, 534 00:40:36.020 --> 00:40:38.160 but you served your marriage well, 535 00:40:40.140 --> 00:40:44.320 then you're going to have the chance of greatest results. 536 00:40:44.320 --> 00:40:46.400 You're gonna have the possibility, 537 00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:51.400 doesn't mean that your marriage won't ever dissolve 538 00:40:53.480 --> 00:40:55.080 because you never know. 539 00:40:55.080 --> 00:40:56.720 There's so many different circumstances 540 00:40:56.720 --> 00:40:57.960 and that's not to breed fear, 541 00:40:57.960 --> 00:41:02.840 that's just to say that there's many different stories 542 00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:04.320 that could go otherwise. 543 00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:07.160 But you're gonna have the greatest opportunity 544 00:41:07.160 --> 00:41:09.140 if you resolve in your head, 545 00:41:09.140 --> 00:41:12.200 I guess really what I'm after is really more of a mindset. 546 00:41:12.200 --> 00:41:13.380 Like what is the mindset? 547 00:41:13.380 --> 00:41:16.360 The mindset is a lot of things we've been talking about. 548 00:41:18.080 --> 00:41:23.080 Tending, your perimeter, what's your responsibility? 549 00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:28.360 I feel like a lot of guys coming into relationships 550 00:41:29.320 --> 00:41:32.760 with not a strong sense of who they are as a man 551 00:41:34.360 --> 00:41:37.760 will begin to not take on enough, 552 00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:42.760 shouldering that responsibility and it will be detrimental. 553 00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:45.040 No, I totally agree with you, David, on that one. 554 00:41:45.040 --> 00:41:46.720 Every circumstance is always different. 555 00:41:46.720 --> 00:41:48.360 Like mine was a little bit different. 556 00:41:48.360 --> 00:41:50.340 My wife had childhood issues. 557 00:41:50.340 --> 00:41:51.320 I didn't know nothing about, 558 00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:52.880 I didn't know what the people told me about 559 00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:54.680 and it could never be resolved. 560 00:41:54.680 --> 00:41:58.800 I will always be the narcissist to her 561 00:41:58.800 --> 00:42:01.720 when in actuality she's a covert narcissist 562 00:42:01.720 --> 00:42:04.120 and she doesn't wanna admit it. 563 00:42:04.120 --> 00:42:07.400 But it was a losing marriage right from the very beginning, 564 00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:11.000 but I did everything I could possibly do that I could do. 565 00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:12.620 But one thing, guys, don't do this. 566 00:42:12.620 --> 00:42:16.320 What I did, when she tried to leave me the first time, 567 00:42:16.320 --> 00:42:18.760 I became a submissive husband. 568 00:42:18.760 --> 00:42:21.720 In other words, I made her my God before God 569 00:42:21.720 --> 00:42:24.680 and I submitted to everything she wanted. 570 00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:26.440 And it just, for the next 10 years, 571 00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:28.320 I was walking on eggshells. 572 00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:32.200 I left my manhood, I left my responsibilities behind 573 00:42:32.200 --> 00:42:34.080 as a man, as a godly man, 574 00:42:34.080 --> 00:42:36.280 and I let her step into that position 575 00:42:36.280 --> 00:42:37.840 just to try to save the marriage. 576 00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:40.640 And I did more harm to it. 577 00:42:40.640 --> 00:42:41.840 Yeah, that can happen. 578 00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:43.520 And she was gonna leave anyway. 579 00:42:43.520 --> 00:42:47.080 She was planning on that since the 50th year of our marriage. 580 00:42:47.080 --> 00:42:50.120 After 36 years, she finally pulled the plug. 581 00:42:50.120 --> 00:42:54.920 So it was like 30 years of emotionless hell on earth. 582 00:42:54.920 --> 00:42:56.560 But the point is, is that- 583 00:42:56.560 --> 00:42:58.000 I'm sorry that happened. 584 00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:00.680 You don't give up your manhood. 585 00:43:00.680 --> 00:43:03.200 First off, you gotta find out what it is, 586 00:43:03.200 --> 00:43:05.600 what your godly responsibility is. 587 00:43:05.600 --> 00:43:07.560 Then you need to stand on the word of God 588 00:43:07.560 --> 00:43:09.880 where it says, husbands, you are this, this, 589 00:43:09.880 --> 00:43:12.640 and this, and this, to stand on that one 590 00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:14.960 and know that God is gonna be behind you 591 00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:16.480 if you're a praying man. 592 00:43:16.480 --> 00:43:17.680 He will be there. 593 00:43:17.680 --> 00:43:19.760 He will change things. 594 00:43:19.760 --> 00:43:21.320 But if she's got a mental issue, 595 00:43:21.320 --> 00:43:24.640 you're walking on a different whole ball of wax. 596 00:43:24.640 --> 00:43:27.560 It's, we're dealing with demonic measures now, 597 00:43:27.560 --> 00:43:28.720 and mental issues. 598 00:43:28.720 --> 00:43:30.400 There's a lot of real, lots of real stories 599 00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:32.480 that have manifested that way. 600 00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:35.680 I know a young man, I say young man, 601 00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:38.760 I just, he's like four years younger than me. 602 00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:39.920 But I mean- 603 00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:42.360 Oh, he's only 65. 604 00:43:42.360 --> 00:43:43.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 605 00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:46.960 No, but I mean, I know a guy that lives near us 606 00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:48.240 here in Texas. 607 00:43:48.240 --> 00:43:51.720 And he had very much, I know several men actually 608 00:43:51.720 --> 00:43:55.600 that were married to women that had really, 609 00:43:55.600 --> 00:43:59.160 really deep issues that just could not be resolved 610 00:43:59.160 --> 00:44:00.760 for whatever reason. 611 00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:04.560 And so yeah, I'm sensitive to that as well. 612 00:44:06.080 --> 00:44:07.640 Andy, I think you're married to, 613 00:44:07.640 --> 00:44:10.840 it sounds like that you're married to a very wise woman. 614 00:44:10.840 --> 00:44:12.800 Because she, what I heard you said, 615 00:44:13.200 --> 00:44:15.360 was she gave you some insight, really good insight. 616 00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:18.240 And I think it's good for you to learn through that insight. 617 00:44:18.240 --> 00:44:20.240 You can still keep your manlihood, 618 00:44:20.240 --> 00:44:23.160 but you're still learning, you learn from each other. 619 00:44:23.160 --> 00:44:25.960 That's the best part about this journey. 620 00:44:25.960 --> 00:44:27.520 She only knows what she's thinking. 621 00:44:27.520 --> 00:44:29.120 She only knows what she's feeling. 622 00:44:29.120 --> 00:44:32.320 And if she's willing to express that to just you, 623 00:44:32.320 --> 00:44:34.160 oh man, you've got a good wife there. 624 00:44:35.400 --> 00:44:36.720 That's awesome. 625 00:44:36.720 --> 00:44:37.880 Okay, thank you guys. 626 00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:42.200 I wanna give some opportunity for someone else to share 627 00:44:42.600 --> 00:44:43.800 if you've got something, 628 00:44:45.960 --> 00:44:47.400 some other guys on here, 629 00:44:47.400 --> 00:44:50.040 if you wanna bring something to the table 630 00:44:50.040 --> 00:44:52.840 to kind of round table a little bit. 631 00:44:55.800 --> 00:44:58.280 Anybody, you've got Mike, we got Tim, we got Dan, 632 00:44:58.280 --> 00:45:00.200 we got David H., Christopher. 633 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.380 for what's going on with you guys? 634 00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:08.720 Can I just admit, can I just agree? 635 00:45:08.720 --> 00:45:11.420 You can, you never want to give in to get along. 636 00:45:11.420 --> 00:45:12.640 It never works. 637 00:45:12.640 --> 00:45:15.240 It's like, you know, you never give up your masculinity. 638 00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:18.920 You never give up, you know, the thing is, 639 00:45:18.920 --> 00:45:21.800 I think it's the curse, you know, you guys, whatever, 640 00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:26.280 but like, you know, it's like that Eve would want to dominate 641 00:45:26.280 --> 00:45:28.280 that that was part of the curse, right? 642 00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:32.040 Well, when you let a woman in that door 643 00:45:32.040 --> 00:45:34.760 and you stop being masculine and the leader, 644 00:45:34.760 --> 00:45:37.820 and I'm not saying being a pirate, 645 00:45:37.820 --> 00:45:39.280 that's not what I'm talking about, 646 00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:42.200 but when you stop being assertive and masculine, 647 00:45:42.200 --> 00:45:45.040 then she actually loses all respect for you 648 00:45:45.040 --> 00:45:46.800 and then you're enabling things. 649 00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:50.420 And it's almost an inevitability 650 00:45:50.420 --> 00:45:53.080 without some sort of change that they will leave 651 00:45:53.080 --> 00:45:55.740 because they've lost respect. 652 00:45:55.740 --> 00:45:58.940 Because what draws a woman in is masculinity, 653 00:45:58.940 --> 00:46:01.320 not femininity, right? 654 00:46:01.320 --> 00:46:05.140 And even though there are pain in the butt sometimes, 655 00:46:05.140 --> 00:46:07.020 they really are looking for you to say, 656 00:46:07.020 --> 00:46:12.020 hey, have an edge and challenge them in a kind way. 657 00:46:13.380 --> 00:46:15.060 Because that's what we're meant to, 658 00:46:15.060 --> 00:46:17.660 like David, we're meant to shoulder. 659 00:46:17.660 --> 00:46:19.500 I enabled a lot in my marriage. 660 00:46:19.500 --> 00:46:23.900 So I'm speaking from, I gave in to get along, 661 00:46:23.900 --> 00:46:25.620 just thinking that it would make things work 662 00:46:26.460 --> 00:46:28.980 and I can tell you it doesn't. 663 00:46:28.980 --> 00:46:31.820 And it's interesting, like a lot of times 664 00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:34.140 people will say you're something 665 00:46:34.140 --> 00:46:36.780 and you need to flip the mirror because like, 666 00:46:36.780 --> 00:46:39.100 my, this is funny, Kenton, 667 00:46:41.740 --> 00:46:46.180 I was called a narcissist, toxic and manipulative, right? 668 00:46:46.180 --> 00:46:48.220 Like, you know, but it was the very thing. 669 00:46:48.220 --> 00:46:49.660 A lot of times people accuse you 670 00:46:49.660 --> 00:46:52.300 of the very thing that they're doing just for whatever. 671 00:46:52.300 --> 00:46:54.960 But you know, you guys, but the good news is, 672 00:46:55.780 --> 00:46:59.580 you're in a program and you're getting healed. 673 00:46:59.580 --> 00:47:00.700 So you're not gonna be attracted 674 00:47:00.700 --> 00:47:03.100 to these crazy people, right? 675 00:47:03.100 --> 00:47:05.340 You have projection, exactly, David. 676 00:47:05.340 --> 00:47:07.720 They project what they're doing onto you. 677 00:47:07.720 --> 00:47:11.260 And so I just wanna bring in an encouraging thing. 678 00:47:11.260 --> 00:47:13.380 It's like, you guys, I've had a chance 679 00:47:13.380 --> 00:47:16.460 to marry the same woman like a half a dozen times 680 00:47:16.460 --> 00:47:18.980 and I have been running from it every single time. 681 00:47:18.980 --> 00:47:22.040 So you get somebody, you're doing your heart work, 682 00:47:22.040 --> 00:47:23.020 you're doing the things, 683 00:47:23.020 --> 00:47:25.220 you're stepping into your masculinity, 684 00:47:25.220 --> 00:47:26.220 you're doing a thing. 685 00:47:29.020 --> 00:47:34.020 I do like David, like we need to own our stuff, 686 00:47:34.820 --> 00:47:35.780 we need to own our stuff, 687 00:47:35.780 --> 00:47:37.860 but we also need to man up, right? 688 00:47:37.860 --> 00:47:40.740 And not that we can't let our, 689 00:47:40.740 --> 00:47:43.820 we're supposed to lead and do the things, right? 690 00:47:43.820 --> 00:47:47.040 And so, but you guys, when you're doing that, 691 00:47:47.040 --> 00:47:50.420 that is what actually draws her to you. 692 00:47:50.420 --> 00:47:53.780 Is when, as long as you're doing it in a healthy way, 693 00:47:53.780 --> 00:47:54.980 right, like if you're being a jerk, 694 00:47:54.980 --> 00:47:57.260 it doesn't, that's not what I'm saying. 695 00:47:57.260 --> 00:47:59.980 But if you're manning up, you're doing things. 696 00:47:59.980 --> 00:48:02.540 And ultimately Jesus is the one that strengthens us 697 00:48:02.540 --> 00:48:03.940 to do what we can do, 698 00:48:03.940 --> 00:48:06.180 if we're getting the help and doing that stuff. 699 00:48:06.180 --> 00:48:09.260 But don't ever give your man card up for peace. 700 00:48:09.260 --> 00:48:10.940 It doesn't work, right? 701 00:48:10.940 --> 00:48:13.780 So I hope, yeah. 702 00:48:18.020 --> 00:48:21.100 Anybody else on this call that's got something? 703 00:48:21.140 --> 00:48:23.580 Oh, Mike, just let you know, it's accountability. 704 00:48:24.860 --> 00:48:26.940 The young lady and I are no longer dating. 705 00:48:29.220 --> 00:48:30.620 It just, it didn't work out. 706 00:48:32.500 --> 00:48:34.300 Oh, this is just like an update. 707 00:48:34.300 --> 00:48:35.420 Is that what you're saying, Kenton? 708 00:48:35.420 --> 00:48:36.260 Yeah, that's right. 709 00:48:36.260 --> 00:48:38.180 So the young lady I was seeing for three years, 710 00:48:38.180 --> 00:48:39.620 we actually, it was this morning, 711 00:48:39.620 --> 00:48:41.460 we finally called it quits. 712 00:48:44.940 --> 00:48:47.060 That was this morning, wow. 713 00:48:47.060 --> 00:48:48.900 I'm sorry, Kenton. 714 00:48:48.900 --> 00:48:50.140 Yeah, I am too. 715 00:48:50.140 --> 00:48:53.860 She's got all the good qualities of a good woman, 716 00:48:53.860 --> 00:48:58.460 but there was one fear, and that fear of her children. 717 00:48:58.460 --> 00:48:59.420 And that's all. 718 00:48:59.420 --> 00:49:01.380 That's all it was, and she can't get past that. 719 00:49:01.380 --> 00:49:03.220 She recognized it, knows it. 720 00:49:03.220 --> 00:49:05.300 So I've recommended good counseling. 721 00:49:05.300 --> 00:49:09.940 And then, but we just, we did it respectfully 722 00:49:09.940 --> 00:49:11.780 and we released each other. 723 00:49:11.780 --> 00:49:13.420 And that's the way a gentleman does it, 724 00:49:13.420 --> 00:49:15.740 is respectfully and not become a child 725 00:49:15.740 --> 00:49:19.140 and start blaming and ghosting her, etc. 726 00:49:19.140 --> 00:49:22.140 No, no, no, it's just talking and releasing each other 727 00:49:22.140 --> 00:49:23.660 in a very kind and loving way. 728 00:49:24.740 --> 00:49:27.780 Yeah, I think one of the things that brings up a point, 729 00:49:27.780 --> 00:49:31.140 and I kind of just sounds gratuitous here, 730 00:49:31.140 --> 00:49:35.620 but it was because it just made me think of the book 731 00:49:35.620 --> 00:49:38.740 that Jackie just wrote, Modern Dating Sucks, 732 00:49:38.740 --> 00:49:43.740 that one of the ideas amidst all the practicals 733 00:49:44.820 --> 00:49:48.860 that's in the book, that talks about not just 734 00:49:49.540 --> 00:49:50.660 how to date, but where dating came from, 735 00:49:50.660 --> 00:49:53.260 and things to look for, and so forth. 736 00:49:53.260 --> 00:49:55.620 One of the general overall principles, though, 737 00:49:55.620 --> 00:49:59.380 is I think what Kenton, like you're kind of getting at, 738 00:49:59.380 --> 00:50:00.220 is like, 739 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000 You want to prepare to find your spirit mate 740 00:50:07.480 --> 00:50:12.480 in a way that you're looking to make choices 741 00:50:14.280 --> 00:50:17.440 instead of just like browsing. 742 00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:19.360 Like it's like going into a store 743 00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:21.080 and knowing what you're there to buy 744 00:50:21.080 --> 00:50:25.380 and what you're looking for versus just browsing 745 00:50:25.380 --> 00:50:28.920 and being efficient with your time 746 00:50:28.920 --> 00:50:30.600 because no one wants to waste time 747 00:50:30.600 --> 00:50:33.920 being in a relationship that isn't gonna go anywhere. 748 00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:35.400 And so Kenton, like you're saying, 749 00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:39.860 like you invested how much time in that and good on you, 750 00:50:39.860 --> 00:50:42.820 but also at the same time, it's like, yeah, it's difficult. 751 00:50:42.820 --> 00:50:44.260 Like that's kind of like what Mike was saying, 752 00:50:44.260 --> 00:50:45.300 like, man, I'm sorry to hear that. 753 00:50:45.300 --> 00:50:46.140 And I am too. 754 00:50:46.140 --> 00:50:47.240 I'm like, I'm sorry to hear that. 755 00:50:47.240 --> 00:50:50.480 I'm sorry it took this long to take that time 756 00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:53.840 to invest into basically like something that could have, 757 00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:56.720 but just can't get past that one issue. 758 00:50:56.720 --> 00:50:58.360 And so that is difficult. 759 00:50:58.760 --> 00:51:00.640 That sucks. 760 00:51:02.120 --> 00:51:05.560 But at the same time, I think one of the things 761 00:51:05.560 --> 00:51:08.640 that we're trying to promote in this community 762 00:51:08.640 --> 00:51:13.640 is trying to look at the development of the relationship, 763 00:51:15.140 --> 00:51:20.140 dating, all the context of how to go about this, 764 00:51:20.140 --> 00:51:22.680 trying to really zero in on the things 765 00:51:22.680 --> 00:51:25.620 that like non-negotiables, 766 00:51:25.620 --> 00:51:27.320 things that are actual non-negotiables 767 00:51:27.320 --> 00:51:29.800 versus things that are just preferences, 768 00:51:29.800 --> 00:51:31.760 like knowing what you're looking for, 769 00:51:31.760 --> 00:51:35.320 like really dialing that in on several different levels. 770 00:51:35.320 --> 00:51:36.480 And that's one of the things I think 771 00:51:36.480 --> 00:51:40.240 we're really trying to really deliver 772 00:51:40.240 --> 00:51:41.600 to our community right now. 773 00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:47.240 And I hope that you all, number one, get the book. 774 00:51:47.240 --> 00:51:50.400 I hope that you all would consider joining the book club 775 00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:52.800 because I think it's gonna be really helpful. 776 00:51:52.800 --> 00:51:56.420 If you know what you're looking for, then I get it. 777 00:51:56.420 --> 00:51:57.260 That's fine. 778 00:51:58.100 --> 00:51:59.660 For those of you who are maybe struggling 779 00:51:59.660 --> 00:52:04.660 to really dial that in and be very intentional, 780 00:52:07.140 --> 00:52:09.620 this book and the book club even 781 00:52:09.620 --> 00:52:12.020 is going to help you really do that. 782 00:52:12.020 --> 00:52:13.180 I think so. 783 00:52:13.180 --> 00:52:15.720 So I'm just kind of, I don't know, it's a shameless plug, 784 00:52:15.720 --> 00:52:18.300 but at the same time, I really believe 785 00:52:18.300 --> 00:52:19.940 that that is what really we're trying to do 786 00:52:19.940 --> 00:52:21.060 in this community. 787 00:52:21.060 --> 00:52:24.660 Because more than anything, I don't wanna see people, 788 00:52:24.660 --> 00:52:29.260 men and women, just going about this casually 789 00:52:29.260 --> 00:52:32.400 and wasting time or feeling like, 790 00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:36.840 oh man, I put so much into this, it didn't work out, 791 00:52:36.840 --> 00:52:39.940 and then just getting disappointed 792 00:52:39.940 --> 00:52:42.020 to get back out there again. 793 00:52:42.020 --> 00:52:44.980 Because the relationship, what you're after, 794 00:52:44.980 --> 00:52:47.060 what you're, the 30,000 book view, 795 00:52:47.060 --> 00:52:51.040 what you're after is worth it to put the time in. 796 00:52:51.040 --> 00:52:53.380 But if you put the time in and get so discouraged 797 00:52:53.380 --> 00:52:54.980 all the time because you are not clear 798 00:52:54.980 --> 00:52:59.980 on what you're looking for, that can be just a loop 799 00:53:00.060 --> 00:53:01.700 that you go on and on and on. 800 00:53:01.700 --> 00:53:04.280 You just like figure it out, it's not even worth it. 801 00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:05.440 And then you give up. 802 00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:07.580 A lot of people are experiencing it right now. 803 00:53:07.580 --> 00:53:10.980 I feel like this season of like 2026 804 00:53:10.980 --> 00:53:13.020 is really a year of a lot of that. 805 00:53:13.020 --> 00:53:15.420 A lot of people are looking at the economy, 806 00:53:15.420 --> 00:53:18.520 they're looking at life, they're looking at 807 00:53:18.520 --> 00:53:20.300 what's going on in the world, 808 00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:23.640 and they're like feeling like, well, what's the use? 809 00:53:24.660 --> 00:53:27.500 It's just like what's, I feel like 810 00:53:27.500 --> 00:53:28.740 it's just too hard anymore. 811 00:53:28.740 --> 00:53:30.780 It's just like life is just getting too difficult. 812 00:53:30.780 --> 00:53:33.940 It's getting too strange, it's getting too awkward, 813 00:53:33.940 --> 00:53:38.340 it's getting too whatever, including finding a relationship. 814 00:53:38.340 --> 00:53:40.060 And so I don't want you to get discouraged. 815 00:53:40.060 --> 00:53:41.940 I want you to be encouraged. 816 00:53:41.940 --> 00:53:45.600 And I think that really getting clear 817 00:53:45.600 --> 00:53:49.540 on what it is you want and what it is that you're pursuing 818 00:53:49.580 --> 00:53:51.820 is very, very, very important. 819 00:53:51.820 --> 00:53:54.380 So I'm putting that out there as a challenge. 820 00:53:54.380 --> 00:53:58.180 Because, man, it's rare that you get a book club 821 00:53:58.180 --> 00:54:01.180 with the caliber like Jackie and Dave and the rest of them 822 00:54:01.180 --> 00:54:02.900 that really know what they're talking about. 823 00:54:02.900 --> 00:54:05.960 So I challenge you gentlemen to get on board with that one 824 00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:07.340 because it will help you. 825 00:54:07.340 --> 00:54:08.740 Like I haven't taken it yet. 826 00:54:08.740 --> 00:54:10.220 I just got the book. 827 00:54:10.220 --> 00:54:12.060 But what I hear about Jackie saying already, 828 00:54:12.060 --> 00:54:14.620 she's a very wise woman. 829 00:54:15.620 --> 00:54:17.300 In your face, yes. 830 00:54:17.300 --> 00:54:20.100 But we need that as men sometimes, in your face. 831 00:54:20.100 --> 00:54:22.540 So I just want to plug in for that. 832 00:54:22.540 --> 00:54:24.620 It's an opportunity you will rarely see 833 00:54:24.620 --> 00:54:27.140 or rarely get into that is at this level. 834 00:54:27.140 --> 00:54:29.140 So do take it. 835 00:54:29.140 --> 00:54:30.260 I can jump in real quick. 836 00:54:30.260 --> 00:54:32.540 And the other thing is like knowing what you want 837 00:54:32.540 --> 00:54:34.440 and like, and Jackie is really helpful, 838 00:54:35.500 --> 00:54:37.700 looking at what like red flags 839 00:54:37.700 --> 00:54:40.140 and what to look for in what you want. 840 00:54:40.140 --> 00:54:44.180 So that way you're not spinning your wheels. 841 00:54:44.180 --> 00:54:47.220 You know, like Jackie, she's like, I'm the matchmaker. 842 00:54:48.060 --> 00:54:51.420 And in one of my, she was the matchbreaker 843 00:54:51.420 --> 00:54:53.220 in one of the things that I was doing. 844 00:54:53.220 --> 00:54:54.700 And I've shared that before. 845 00:54:54.700 --> 00:54:57.180 But like, you need people who are that. 846 00:54:57.180 --> 00:54:59.840 Like, so that you're like, to David's point. 847 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.680 You're not in this perpetual cycle. 848 00:55:02.240 --> 00:55:04.800 Well, and when you know what you want, you just go and get it. 849 00:55:05.080 --> 00:55:07.920 I mean, like, if you don't know what you're wanting, well, do I want this? 850 00:55:08.080 --> 00:55:09.120 Do I not want this? 851 00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:12.860 I mean, like I told you guys, I dated that cop and I did not know if I wanted it or 852 00:55:12.860 --> 00:55:14.880 not, and that completely tilted me. 853 00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:15.880 Right. 854 00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:22.320 And, and like, and I was not ready for that and I didn't show up as an authentic 855 00:55:22.320 --> 00:55:25.780 self because I'm sitting there, I'm half, I'm not even half in or half out. 856 00:55:25.780 --> 00:55:28.440 I'm just kind of sitting there figuring it out. 857 00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:33.820 So no, anything that you can help to, to diagnose red flags and to know what 858 00:55:33.820 --> 00:55:34.980 she wants, you can jump on it. 859 00:55:35.500 --> 00:55:35.740 Yeah. 860 00:55:35.740 --> 00:55:41.880 Having, having a methodology, it just takes, it takes you past the, the, the, 861 00:55:43.020 --> 00:55:48.980 it takes you past looking at yourself and your situation and going, you know, 862 00:55:48.980 --> 00:55:55.080 what's wrong with me versus I've learned now a methodology that gets, it's a 863 00:55:55.080 --> 00:55:59.240 skillset basically, where you're just like, okay, I have a method now that 864 00:55:59.240 --> 00:56:04.480 shows me and I'm getting good, better and better at it every time I put it into 865 00:56:04.480 --> 00:56:12.880 action, it becomes a pathway to like a better way at, you know, solving every 866 00:56:12.880 --> 00:56:17.760 issue rather than just being wondering like, well, what's wrong with me and 867 00:56:18.040 --> 00:56:21.240 what's wrong with, you know, women and what's wrong with, you know, just like 868 00:56:21.240 --> 00:56:23.360 complaining and just, you know, circling around. 869 00:56:23.880 --> 00:56:26.080 So I think it's really powerful that way. 870 00:56:27.400 --> 00:56:29.920 Like for myself, gentlemen, and this is just myself. 871 00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:33.920 I've learned that if, if I'm not dating somebody or looking for somebody that 872 00:56:33.920 --> 00:56:39.040 has my same love languages, especially cause touch is very important to me. 873 00:56:39.520 --> 00:56:43.720 And if that woman can't touch me or doesn't know how to, that's going 874 00:56:43.720 --> 00:56:45.240 to wreck me, the relationship right away. 875 00:56:45.240 --> 00:56:48.040 So touching and quality time are my two top. 876 00:56:48.380 --> 00:56:51.560 And so that's the kind of woman I'm looking for as well as the interest, like 877 00:56:51.560 --> 00:56:53.480 skiing and weightlifting and whatnot. 878 00:56:53.800 --> 00:56:58.160 Those are important that don't, don't over underplay those ones. 879 00:57:00.360 --> 00:57:01.000 That's good. 880 00:57:02.040 --> 00:57:02.760 It's very good. 881 00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:05.920 Anybody else? 882 00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:12.680 Uh, Dan, you have anything, Tim, Christopher, David H just want to give 883 00:57:12.680 --> 00:57:14.080 you an opportunity if you got something. 884 00:57:22.560 --> 00:57:24.320 Uh, good to have you back, Mr. 885 00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:28.640 Dorman, what's that good, good, good to see you feeling well. 886 00:57:29.240 --> 00:57:30.160 Yeah, I am. 887 00:57:30.280 --> 00:57:33.760 I'm about 98% back, so I appreciate that. 888 00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:34.400 Thank you. 889 00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:37.640 Thank you for your prayers and thank you. 890 00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:37.840 Yeah. 891 00:57:37.840 --> 00:57:41.200 Thank you, Mike, too, for filling in and helping us out to appreciate that so much. 892 00:57:42.520 --> 00:57:45.920 So, all right guys, a great time tonight. 893 00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:46.800 Great discussion. 894 00:57:46.800 --> 00:57:47.880 Right at the top of the hour. 895 00:57:47.880 --> 00:57:51.560 So, uh, I bless you. 896 00:57:51.600 --> 00:57:57.680 I release, um, just favor and, um, all good things towards you. 897 00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:04.360 Uh, I just pray that God is continuing to, as he is, cause he is good. 898 00:58:04.880 --> 00:58:10.360 He's continued to show you and you'll have open eyes to see what he's doing and the 899 00:58:10.360 --> 00:58:13.040 answers that he is working on for you. 900 00:58:13.160 --> 00:58:15.200 I just thank you right now, Lord, for these men. 901 00:58:15.200 --> 00:58:15.960 I bless them. 902 00:58:15.960 --> 00:58:20.080 I speak life and health and wealth over them in Jesus name. 903 00:58:20.840 --> 00:58:21.360 Amen. 904 00:58:21.360 --> 00:58:23.560 And amen guys. 905 00:58:23.560 --> 00:58:24.920 You guys have a great time. 906 00:58:24.920 --> 00:58:26.760 You have a great week and we'll see you next time. 907 00:58:26.960 --> 00:58:27.560 That's sweet. 908 00:58:27.720 --> 00:58:28.280 See you guys.