Okay. This is Men's Heart Check-in, Monday, June 15th, 2026. So, sorry if I cough. Hold
on. I just have a tick on my throat. I don't know why. Sorry, give me a second, guys.
All right. Sorry about that. That was crazy. It's almost like I breathed in a piece of
dust or something just as soon as I start talking. My voice is a little hoarse because I've actually
had a cold. Nasty cold. I mean, chest, all the things. Lost my voice. Had laryngitis. I'm still
kind of getting it back. And for the last week and a half, and it was the week after my son got
married, so before that week leading up to that, he's preparing for marriage, his marriage, the
ceremony, the whole thing. Then we had the ceremony. Then we had family for another week in town.
I get sick during that week, and that was a week and a half or more ago, almost two weeks ago.
So, for the last three weeks, it's been crazy in my life. I've had to replace a component on my well.
I had to have a five-foot clog flushed out of my plumbing in my first house. I've had to have
repairs on my roof leaking, and mystery leaks, and new leaks happening,
and probably four or five other things I can't even think of right now. So,
it has been an amazing three weeks of trying to gain some victory, I'll tell you. Very trying,
trying times. So, I'm not here to complain, but just kind of want you to understand what's going
on. So, that's what's been going on with me. So, who wants to go first tonight? I want to kind of
open up. Who wants to share, heart work, what's been going on, some wins, some questions,
some concerns, anything? I'm ready to go down the rabbit hole.
I'm back from the Philippines.
Oh, wow. Yeah. How'd that go?
Yeah, good. I'm engaged now.
Wow.
Yeah, thanks.
Congratulations.
Yeah. So, one big thing I'm thinking about right now is budgeting for saving up for my wedding.
And unfortunately, I really have a lot of expenses, and I think unfortunately I'm going to
have to drop this subscription, because I just have too many things. I know this community has
really been great for me. I love this community, but it's just, I feel like financially, I just
have too many burdens. I need to lighten the load so I can save up for that wedding, especially
since it's mostly going to be me funding it. What does that look like as far as where that's
going to happen? In the Philippines.
Okay.
So, I'm going to get married in the Philippines, and then I'll live with her over there until
she gets her visa to come here, and then we're going to live here.
So, how is the Philippines? Are you adapting to it pretty well in terms of just what it's like
there, life, so forth?
Yeah. I mean, I think-
It's obviously different.
From what people say, you really have to live there longer than just one month to really get
a sense of what it's like. It's a lot slower paced than what Americans are used to.
I think that's one of the complaints that Americans have, because they're not used to
stopping to smell the roses, really.
things like to be fast. And it's kind of humbling and good in a way, like, because it forces
you to, like, look at life more simply and just kind of enjoy it. So I think that's a
good thing. I think the toughest thing over there was the work situation because of working
on night shift to stay in Eastern time zone. That whole thing is, like, the main reason
why we've decided to move to the United States, to live in the United States together, because
neither of us wants to work night shift for the rest of our lives, which of course is
even harder if you have kids. So, yeah, but it's...
Wow, so that's pretty amazing. I have a friend that lives in Thailand actually right now
that I talk to just about every other day. And so I can appreciate kind of like a little
bit more of what you're saying because I've gotten to know kind of vicariously through
him, talking with him, what it's like to kind of exist over there and what he's doing.
He's doing some incredible stuff with AI technology that he's building right now.
Yeah, it's cool.
And so, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I can understand kind of like, you know, vicariously about
what you're saying. I've never been to those places. I've talked to a lot of people that
have been through there. But yeah, I can appreciate the fact that there's... I took a group of
high school seniors one time to the Bahamas for their senior trip. And we went to Andros
Island, which is the largest of the Bahamian islands, but the least inhabited. And it took
me three days to realize that my cell phone didn't work. I mean, I knew my cell didn't
work. But what I'm saying is it took me three days to feel the effects of not having my
cell phone going off, ringing, texting. And, you know, like that connectivity took me three
days to just sort of like unwind to the point where I was just like, it's actually kind
of nice to not have this constant noise and demand and all the stuff for your attention,
you know, in your life. So I experienced that before, and I think it's kind of profound.
And yeah, there's definitely things that can be said going both ways. Well, man, congratulations.
I hope that goes well for you, Andy. I really do. And it sounds like, you know, you've really
found somebody that you've connected with and they're reciprocating. It's been a while.
I mean, because it's been at least, what, I think probably close to a year since you
first mentioned the possibility of this. Yeah. Well, I met her in April of last year. So
it's already like, yeah, it's been over a year. Yeah. So. So, yeah, that's incredible.
I think what I think is amazing for everybody listening is that here's Andy. And we've known
Andy for several years now in this community and have dealt with a lot of things with everybody.
You know, everybody's gone through a lot of different things and changes and transitions
and experiences and, you know, like life before they even encountered like LIS and that kind of
thing. And I just think it's interesting that Andy was just literally willing to go to the
ends of the earth. I mean, like basically like, oh, whatever it takes, if I can't find it here,
I'll go somewhere else. I think that level of determination, you know, I mean, obviously,
you're not married yet and, you know, it's like things, you know, you have to work things out and
that you're starting, you're starting a journey, you know, that's unknown. Yeah. But I think it's
amazing that, you know, that resolve that you have, you know, to just go do it.
One, one question I have is this is kind of an interesting question, but like,
how do you deal with a difference in privacy versus venting in a relationship? Because like,
I'm the type of person that like, if something goes wrong in the relationship,
I like to vent to others about it. But she's the type of person that wants it to just remain
between us and not go outside of us unless we absolutely have to.
off to.
So I'm finding that I need to adjust to how
she feels about it.
I'll say this about that, and that's a good question,
because I'll just share my own personal experience.
This is not a right or wrong situation in terms
of what I'm about to say.
I mean, I'm just going to share with you what I've done.
So I'm just sharing my personal experience,
not trying to say this is the right way or wrong way
to do this or that.
But it is very unique to the marriage relationship.
I actually worked with a guy one time
when I was doing cable sales door-to-door 15-plus years ago.
And he was good at his job.
He actually was a former NFL player.
He played in the NFL for like a season.
But he was a big dude.
And he always used to say this.
He goes, he would say this answer to just about anything
that would try to like, what do you think about this?
Or what do you think about spending your time doing this?
Or can you do more?
Whatever.
And he'd always say, the only person I'm married to
is Tammy Harris.
And that was his wife.
And his answer was that basically, I
prioritize everything in my life in terms of the full-on
commitment is to my wife.
Now, I can commit basically subordinate
to that relationship to a point.
But I'm fully committed to my wife.
In other words, he would just say,
yeah, the only person I'm married to is Tammy Harris.
So it's kind of like, as long as it is OK,
whatever you're asking me to do, whatever time you're
asking me to commit, whatever project you want me to work on,
whatever attention you're trying to get from me,
basically, as long as it's if it honors the relationship
with my wife, then it's good.
And I took that piece of advice.
I thought that was kind of interesting.
So there is that.
So there is the sort of full-on commitment between you
and your wife towards each other.
Like, it's you two, and you're going to make it work.
I will say this.
There are things that in the course of relationship
between a man and a woman in marriage,
there does seem to be some situations that come up
where it's like a catch-22.
Like, she says this, and you're like, I hear you,
but I also have my side.
Like, I have needs.
I have a point.
I have a truth.
I have a trying to work together, right?
The more that you can be in agreement on everything,
and the more that you can work together,
the better off you're going to be.
But that's not always the case.
Two people that are trying to be in a relationship,
like a marriage relationship, at some point,
they're going to cross.
They're going to disagree.
They're going to have opportunities, if you will,
to see things differently.
And especially between a man and a woman,
like, just take anything, men will see it one way.
Women will see it another way.
You just have that.
It's a truth.
In terms of the beauty of the marriage relationship,
you're always trying to balance that.
You're always trying to, like, it's a dance, you know?
But sometimes you get into what I call a catch-22,
and that just is like a loop.
And that's like, she says something, you say something.
She says something, you say something.
You're sort of at an impasse.
You're sort of at a, like, I don't know what to do about
this, because I have to, like, I'm grounded here,
and you're grounded here, and you're digging in here,
and we're at an impasse.
Whether it's we're disagreeing on something,
or whether we're emotionally trying to vie for the space,
or whether, you know, it could be a lot of different things.
It doesn't have to be just disagreement,
but it just could be a lot of situations that create a loop.
And what I found is I found that it's the man's job, duty,
responsibility.
It's the man's opportunity, if you want to put it that way.
It's the man's opportunity to be sort of the mode breaker,
the breaker of the cycle.
But you can do that, like if you're in a disagreement,
I hope you guys are following me
in what I'm trying to say here.
If you're in a disagreement with your spouse,
obviously at any point in time,
one or the other or both can just resign
and say, you know what, whatever,
let's just do it your way.
You could put down your gauntlet,
you can say, you know what, I just,
this is not worth this amount of difficulty for it.
But there are some things worth not fighting for,
but there's some things worth like principle,
like no, we really like, this is really important.
And she's like, okay, this is really important.
And you're like, okay, I wanna value both of these things.
And so we have to come to some agreement,
you can't just go around in circles
on this issue or this situation.
And so what I found is sometimes like,
I would go in prayer and I would say,
okay, Lord, we're at this junction.
I need, I have to have an answer for this.
I have to have a solution for this.
And uniquely in my situation,
I wasn't used to a strong,
well, I was used to strong women,
but I wasn't used to the style
in which being in a relationship,
my first wife and my second wife
handled their communication very differently.
Jackie is very demonstrative, she's very vocal,
she's very like good, she's very convincing.
She's very good with words,
as I'm sure you all would expect
because of how she presents.
She's a leader, she's a visionary.
She knows what she wants.
And so when she presents something
and she's like, this is what I want,
it may or may not be right.
She can be wrong.
And lots of times it was, I hear what you're saying,
this is from my perspective.
I hear what you're saying,
but how you're saying it to me is not right.
We don't have to go to this length of strife
or this contention in order to resolve
what it is that you want versus what I want
or whatever we're trying to solve.
And so there were times where I would just,
for the sake of not going on to a full on
just heated argument and just knock down, drag out fight,
I would just resign in the moment.
And I'd say, okay, I'm not having this,
I'm not having this, we're not going here.
We're not going to the lengths
which this is gonna become very disastrous.
And I would go away from the situation and I would say,
well, I still have to have this conversation.
And so I would go out in prayer and I would say,
I'm gonna do what I call, I came to call this
yelling in the spirit, basically.
I would finish the conversation with God.
And I would say, Lord, you see what's going on.
You see my heart, you see my wife's heart.
You see her side, you see my side.
You see that I'm not trying to like dominate.
I'm not trying to just be right for being right sake,
but I do have a point to make.
And I can't make my point because my wife is too emotional
and too high energy and too vested in what it is
she's looking for that she can't hear what I'm saying.
I'm trying to hear what she's trying to say,
but she's not trying to hear me at all.
And so I would say, she's your daughter.
Now, one thing I had going for me
was I knew that Jackie at the end of the day,
that her heart was going to be in the right place.
It might have looked like it was in a different place
during this conversation,
but I had to have my argument.
I had to get it out.
I had to say what I needed to say.
And if I couldn't say it in the conversation with her,
I said it to God.
This might sound weird, but I finished the conversation
and God did what he did.
And usually,
within a couple hours, by the end of the day,
or even the next day, within 24 hours,
there was usually some sort of de-escalation
of whatever it was, and we were able to come
to some terms of agreement.
And so that's how you break the cycle, in my opinion.
You might find a different way to do it,
but I think that it is incumbent upon the man
to find a way to break this cycle.
And whether it's just difficult communication,
or whether it's a...
So when you say go outside of the relationship
to fix something, getting advice,
getting good wisdom and counsel,
employing your work in order to problem-solve,
if it's a physical problem that you're trying to solve,
and you're trying to like,
hey, how are we going to pay for this?
Or how are we going to fix this?
Or how are we going to solve this natural problem?
It's not an emotional problem,
it's not a relational problem,
it's something in our physical atmosphere
that needs to be changed, and I'm gonna go
and take the responsibility to try to bring about
the resolve to this.
Going to try to,
someone for you to hear your side of the story,
unless they are a loving, wise counselor,
like a pastor, or like a senior member of your family,
or somebody that's a trusted person
that is for your marriage,
unless it's somebody that's a loving, wise counselor,
unless it's somebody that's like that,
I wouldn't just have my day in court,
or I wouldn't have my conversation with just anybody.
It has to be a trusted advisor
that is not just on your side,
but is on the side of your marriage.
That's very, very, very important.
Other than that, and that should be one, maybe two people,
it should be no more than one, or two,
or maybe three people.
I mean, like, trusted, trusted, trusted.
Because you don't,
what many people make the mistake of is,
in a relationship, oh, it gets too much,
it gets too hard, it gets too difficult,
and now I've gotta talk to somebody,
and lots of times they pick the wrong person.
They pick their best friend that's like,
you know, gives terrible advice,
they go to the internet, and they try to look up videos,
they go to chat GPT and try to put their whole story
in there, and just get terrible advice.
So you gotta consider the source if you're gonna do that.
And keeping things between you and her
can be helpful as long as you both are working towards,
and you have the same resolve that like,
hey, what's more important is us,
and our communication, our relationship.
You can't just dig in just because I want what I want,
and you want what you want.
There's a level of maturity that has to come up
towards that.
I hope that made sense.
Yeah, that makes sense, and I think part of it
that I'm actually agreeing with her on
is that venting too much can destroy a relationship
because it can make the other spouse feel like
they're being made into the bad guy to be like.
Yeah, exactly, and that's one thing that you don't want,
especially early on in a relationship.
One of the greatest things you want to do is to build trust.
And for her, you know, she's telling you,
hey, if you just go vent to everybody and their brother
about us, I can't trust you with the things
I'm trying to communicate to you.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
And that's a big deal in relationship.
So you must work towards that trust.
You must show her that you're willing to work through,
communicate as best you can,
and be, most of the times,
most of the time, guys,
I say this with a grain of salt, so hear what I'm saying.
Don't hear what I'm not saying.
Most of the times, it's just gonna be like,
babe, whatever you want, most of the time,
because I'm managing the perimeter.
Now, hear what I'm trying to say.
I'm managing the perimeter of our lives.
Like, if it's a threat to our grounds, to the perimeter,
then it's like a big like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute, like, no.
That's a that's a boundary
you understand what I'm saying, I
Don't like a boundary like like you would have an acreage and go the boundary issues are the ones where it's like
These are things. This is the hill to die on. This is the thing to go to the mat for
This is the thing to be strong and strengthening as strengthening about from a from a leadership perspective
everything else
Like
like your wife will want you to get just as passionate and excited and just as vehement against a
spider on the wall as
The thing that's trying to like
Literally the intruder coming in with a gun to your premises to try to rob you
Like she wants you to get all emotional excited about everything and like dude, that's not possible
Like I'm not doing that I'm not living my life on X games
for a spider in the corner
Versus a guy come trying to you know, come on my property with a weapon to try to rob us
Does that make sense?
No, it doesn't the kid Ken's like no it doesn't make sense
I am at what I'm saying is does my analogy like do you understand what I'm trying to say here, you know women
If I may interject for a second here go ahead
the analogy is good if you can take it in the right sense, but it really can be taken wrong is because
Your wife has to be number one and your TV is far more important than that little spider
You have a problem
And so you have to make her number one in your life and you need a vector you need to guard her you need to
Do everything for her because she's left her mother and her father to cling to you
Yeah, and if she's done that much of a sacrifice your attention should be on her and it should be the point of
What is God what is godly and what is comparable?
Yeah, as a man, you've got to stick on the godly principles and that is your responsibility if you do not
It's an old it's an ancient teaching right of the Old Testament
that if a wife does something wrong and
You know about it
You're responsible as the husband for it and you have to pay the bill not her
And so now it's and so that goes into our lives that if if she is doing something wrong
Your first approach has to be to talk to her now if you can't communicate
Then you need to go learn how to either through books or through a counselor
You need to learn how to communicate and but you need to do that together in front of the counselor
So that you can understand her because when you're younger, it's very hard to understand your wife because you're still young
You're still learning and you got to learn her language. You've got to learn her communication and and for you Andy
It's more than just communication. It's culture
Mm-hmm. I mean this he she's not North American
She's gonna be thinking different than than a North American woman would be thinking as well, too
And trust me the cultures if you do not get the cultured on you're dead in the water
Yeah right now. So here's my thoughts on this one if I may
Number one. Do you want to bring division amongst the family?
No, and it's okay if you don't want to bring division then they shouldn't know your business in the bedroom
simple as that
Because you what an immature person will bring division
By talking about it with everybody else, but your wife David is correct
You have to be talking to your wife here and in doing so, um, it's as David said it's about trust
Do you want to earn her trust if you go blab it off to everybody else?
Trust me, you're gonna lose her trust for lots and
Disrespect in that realm as well, too
Now if you're not work if things are really that difficult find a good counselor
I'm gonna stay but said a good counselor a good Christian counselor who's gonna teach you how to communicate that you can talk to
But remember what you can't say in front of her should not be said in front of others. Otherwise, it's called gossip
Mm-hmm. Hear me out Andy and that's yeah
Okay, I guess in trouble. So don't if you can't say it in front of her what you're saying to others
You shouldn't be saying it at all
It shows in a maturity. That's all that is
No, you're as I said, you are united with her and not with others so you need to be protecting her you are her protector
But if the protector is knocking her down
Get a hold of this one
You have to be the man of the house and the man of the house always protects protects from five rides rides and protects
And so your discussion should always be with her
Yes, you're gonna have discussions about which way the toilet paper goes over now those you compromise on
You talk it's you're okay. You know what honey? You're right. I should put the toilet
seat down, or I should tell you what, I like the toilet paper going over top instead of underneath.
Let's discuss this one. I mean, it sounds silly, but not to her it doesn't. Everything is important,
and it's not to you. These are things that bother you a little bit, the things you need to talk
with her, but it's a beginning place of compromise. We all know, amongst all of us, compromise is
very much a big part of a marriage. But at the end of the day, Andy, you are responsible for
all major decisions. If you screw up, it's you who has to fix it. And if you allow her to make
decisions, which is good, it's good to have, but you have to be ready to allow her to make the
mistake, but you take the responsibility, not her. Okay? That shows a real husband that protects
and provides. You can say to her, honey, I know you wanted to start this business, it failed,
you didn't do da-da-da-da, but you know what? I'm your covering. I'm for you. Let's just take this
as a learning thing for us. How could we do better in the future? Learn from it together. But you
take the responsibility in the end. You don't say, oh, you just blew all this money. No, no.
We just blew all this money. There's no such you. It's always we. And could you plan in the future
for we? Not I, not her. It's always a we. You're united. You're one. And you need to stick it out
as one. And it takes a mature man to be able to do that, and to take responsibility, even when she
doesn't make a good decision, but you're on her side. You're always on her side. And you make
sure that she knows that. So yeah, as David said, pray about it. Do lots of praying. Seek God's
wisdom on it. Seek his word. Because, you know, most of your answers will be found, actually,
in Scripture. And you base your lives upon Scripture. And in doing so, wash her with the
word. That means you need to wash her with the word all, you know, Scriptures, Bible study together,
learning together. If you've got a bad situation going on, why not go to the Scriptures and have
a study about it, the two of you. So you can learn about God's ideas. Because remember,
his ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. So go to him,
but go to him together as you're learning together. I think that's something I just
wanted to throw in. That's good. I appreciate, Ken. Thank you for chiming in there. Yeah,
because what I feel like lots of times for men is you get to a point where you feel like,
you know, you're trying to lead, you're trying to have a direction, come up to an impasse
or a problem or situation, and something doesn't work out. And like, you know,
Kenton was talking about, like, when she does something, but there's also the things where,
like, you feel like in the decision that you all made this decision together,
and then it still didn't work out, and you feel like, oh, it might have been her fault,
it might have been our fault. But lots of times we're like, oh, it's certainly not just my fault.
And sometimes we have to take more of that, we have to shoulder more of that burden. Part of
what I think Kenton was talking about was that we have to, if you can come to the point as a man,
as a husband, to pretty much just resolve in your heart, you're going to shoulder everything.
That is the approach. That's the approach. And if you get to the point where you're like,
I and my own self as a man don't know the answer to this, don't have the strength for this,
like, this is too much. That's where you go outside the circle, and you get whatever you need
to be stronger. You either go to the gym, and you actually get physically stronger,
you go to get spiritual counseling, and you get spiritually stronger,
or you go get more information, you get more intelligently stronger. But you as the husband
are required to go outside of the circle, if necessary, to go get the strength that you need
in order to shoulder the responsibility. And that is a hard thing. That's not easy. And that
is one of the things that is really probably the most maturing part of the marriage process,
especially for the man. If you can
take on and say you know what nobody's got any bigger shoulders than me it's gonna it's gonna
rest on me and and i i had to come to terms with this on my first divorce because on paper and i've
kind of told the story before on paper i looked kind of like the good guy in the situation because
my wife left me and you look at all the circumstances and all the conditions and
the situations that were happening it looked like my wife left me and she did but i had to come to
terms with you know it was my fault i could even say oh you know it was kind of like 50 50 you
know they were both involved you know this and that i'm like no eventually i came to the point
i said you know what it really was all my fault because my marriage failed
now god has brought tremendous amount of reconciliation redemption a whole bunch of
different things in in our history and uh but at the same time i like i had to take
how to shoulder that responsibility and that was not easy to do
and so if you can come to the point where just like you know everything depends upon my
what i do you're going to be a better husband you're going to be a better man you're going to
be a better contributor all along the way you're going to be a better father dave can i interrupt
on that one yeah i always seek your permission first um i came from the opposite dave
is that i i shouldered all of the responsibility on our divorce because i'm i'm a people pleaser
and people pleasers always say it's my fault my counselor had to take me months i mean we're
talking about a dozen or so months to convince me that a breakup isn't just one-sided it is
actually two-sided both have to take responsibility for what they did and because nothing falls apart
you you create something beautiful together or you break something together simple as that yeah
if you know don't know so it isn't always that we should shoulder everything as a man on our
shoulders no let's be mature with this where counselor comes in with the consequence that yes
you did this you take response you repent but remember what is the other side of the coin
and and that one you don't blame her with you still love her there's an old book by um by
another says to keep the love on but in christ we still love her even though she has to take
responsibility if she doesn't she's responsible for that not you but in the case where in marriage
when you're fighting in marriage both you need to take responsibility uh in maturing and they're
saying what is your responsibility what portion of this argument am i doing it wrong it could be
just the way you're communicating or the way you understand um that's where the helping outside
help is because if you go to family members uh yeah you're just gonna it's like dumping on your
family members and they should not know all that stuff because it's none of their business
it's it's a woman needs to feel secure that that what do you discuss stays in the bedroom in so
many words yeah if you can't resolve it they have an agreement that you'll get a counselor not a
family member not a family member that's a pastor okay somebody that's a godly person who's not
biased who will talk to you and understand how to help you communicate better okay that can you
reach out yeah and the reason the reason i frame it that way um kenton for your for your
understanding is is that um my ex-wife actually came to me i think uh five years after we were
divorced and i had already been married to jackie for four years and she said can i have coffee with
you one day she came to me and she basically just like look you know what i did was selfish and what
i did was you know she basically repented in a sense and kind of like you know buried that hatchet
with me and i appreciated that and at the same time i was like you know hey i take responsibility
for the things i did so that we actually had that moment where it was like that but years later it
wasn't until years later that i realized even more i said you know i want to i wanted to shoulder
more of the responsibility in how i had failed my marriage because i felt like i felt like in my
current marriage god was asking me this was about 10 years ago and i felt like god was asking me to
level up and so because of the perspective of where i was at i wasn't being defeated because
i had i took on too much
to the blame in my first marriage,
I was being defeated because I didn't take enough
of the responsibility in the sense that that way.
So for me, it was kind of like,
I wanna show, I'm not trying to take all the blame,
but I'm just trying to shoulder the majority of like,
hey, look, if you could do as a husband,
everything that you could do
in order to serve your marriage well,
not just for it to not fall apart,
but you served your marriage well,
then you're going to have the chance of greatest results.
You're gonna have the possibility,
doesn't mean that your marriage won't ever dissolve
because you never know.
There's so many different circumstances
and that's not to breed fear,
that's just to say that there's many different stories
that could go otherwise.
But you're gonna have the greatest opportunity
if you resolve in your head,
I guess really what I'm after is really more of a mindset.
Like what is the mindset?
The mindset is a lot of things we've been talking about.
Tending, your perimeter, what's your responsibility?
I feel like a lot of guys coming into relationships
with not a strong sense of who they are as a man
will begin to not take on enough,
shouldering that responsibility and it will be detrimental.
No, I totally agree with you, David, on that one.
Every circumstance is always different.
Like mine was a little bit different.
My wife had childhood issues.
I didn't know nothing about,
I didn't know what the people told me about
and it could never be resolved.
I will always be the narcissist to her
when in actuality she's a covert narcissist
and she doesn't wanna admit it.
But it was a losing marriage right from the very beginning,
but I did everything I could possibly do that I could do.
But one thing, guys, don't do this.
What I did, when she tried to leave me the first time,
I became a submissive husband.
In other words, I made her my God before God
and I submitted to everything she wanted.
And it just, for the next 10 years,
I was walking on eggshells.
I left my manhood, I left my responsibilities behind
as a man, as a godly man,
and I let her step into that position
just to try to save the marriage.
And I did more harm to it.
Yeah, that can happen.
And she was gonna leave anyway.
She was planning on that since the 50th year of our marriage.
After 36 years, she finally pulled the plug.
So it was like 30 years of emotionless hell on earth.
But the point is, is that-
I'm sorry that happened.
You don't give up your manhood.
First off, you gotta find out what it is,
what your godly responsibility is.
Then you need to stand on the word of God
where it says, husbands, you are this, this,
and this, and this, to stand on that one
and know that God is gonna be behind you
if you're a praying man.
He will be there.
He will change things.
But if she's got a mental issue,
you're walking on a different whole ball of wax.
It's, we're dealing with demonic measures now,
and mental issues.
There's a lot of real, lots of real stories
that have manifested that way.
I know a young man, I say young man,
I just, he's like four years younger than me.
But I mean-
Oh, he's only 65.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but I mean, I know a guy that lives near us
here in Texas.
And he had very much, I know several men actually
that were married to women that had really,
really deep issues that just could not be resolved
for whatever reason.
And so yeah, I'm sensitive to that as well.
Andy, I think you're married to,
it sounds like that you're married to a very wise woman.
Because she, what I heard you said,
was she gave you some insight, really good insight.
And I think it's good for you to learn through that insight.
You can still keep your manlihood,
but you're still learning, you learn from each other.
That's the best part about this journey.
She only knows what she's thinking.
She only knows what she's feeling.
And if she's willing to express that to just you,
oh man, you've got a good wife there.
That's awesome.
Okay, thank you guys.
I wanna give some opportunity for someone else to share
if you've got something,
some other guys on here,
if you wanna bring something to the table
to kind of round table a little bit.
Anybody, you've got Mike, we got Tim, we got Dan,
we got David H., Christopher.
for what's going on with you guys?
Can I just admit, can I just agree?
You can, you never want to give in to get along.
It never works.
It's like, you know, you never give up your masculinity.
You never give up, you know, the thing is,
I think it's the curse, you know, you guys, whatever,
but like, you know, it's like that Eve would want to dominate
that that was part of the curse, right?
Well, when you let a woman in that door
and you stop being masculine and the leader,
and I'm not saying being a pirate,
that's not what I'm talking about,
but when you stop being assertive and masculine,
then she actually loses all respect for you
and then you're enabling things.
And it's almost an inevitability
without some sort of change that they will leave
because they've lost respect.
Because what draws a woman in is masculinity,
not femininity, right?
And even though there are pain in the butt sometimes,
they really are looking for you to say,
hey, have an edge and challenge them in a kind way.
Because that's what we're meant to,
like David, we're meant to shoulder.
I enabled a lot in my marriage.
So I'm speaking from, I gave in to get along,
just thinking that it would make things work
and I can tell you it doesn't.
And it's interesting, like a lot of times
people will say you're something
and you need to flip the mirror because like,
my, this is funny, Kenton,
I was called a narcissist, toxic and manipulative, right?
Like, you know, but it was the very thing.
A lot of times people accuse you
of the very thing that they're doing just for whatever.
But you know, you guys, but the good news is,
you're in a program and you're getting healed.
So you're not gonna be attracted
to these crazy people, right?
You have projection, exactly, David.
They project what they're doing onto you.
And so I just wanna bring in an encouraging thing.
It's like, you guys, I've had a chance
to marry the same woman like a half a dozen times
and I have been running from it every single time.
So you get somebody, you're doing your heart work,
you're doing the things,
you're stepping into your masculinity,
you're doing a thing.
I do like David, like we need to own our stuff,
we need to own our stuff,
but we also need to man up, right?
And not that we can't let our,
we're supposed to lead and do the things, right?
And so, but you guys, when you're doing that,
that is what actually draws her to you.
Is when, as long as you're doing it in a healthy way,
right, like if you're being a jerk,
it doesn't, that's not what I'm saying.
But if you're manning up, you're doing things.
And ultimately Jesus is the one that strengthens us
to do what we can do,
if we're getting the help and doing that stuff.
But don't ever give your man card up for peace.
It doesn't work, right?
So I hope, yeah.
Anybody else on this call that's got something?
Oh, Mike, just let you know, it's accountability.
The young lady and I are no longer dating.
It just, it didn't work out.
Oh, this is just like an update.
Is that what you're saying, Kenton?
Yeah, that's right.
So the young lady I was seeing for three years,
we actually, it was this morning,
we finally called it quits.
That was this morning, wow.
I'm sorry, Kenton.
Yeah, I am too.
She's got all the good qualities of a good woman,
but there was one fear, and that fear of her children.
And that's all.
That's all it was, and she can't get past that.
She recognized it, knows it.
So I've recommended good counseling.
And then, but we just, we did it respectfully
and we released each other.
And that's the way a gentleman does it,
is respectfully and not become a child
and start blaming and ghosting her, etc.
No, no, no, it's just talking and releasing each other
in a very kind and loving way.
Yeah, I think one of the things that brings up a point,
and I kind of just sounds gratuitous here,
but it was because it just made me think of the book
that Jackie just wrote, Modern Dating Sucks,
that one of the ideas amidst all the practicals
that's in the book, that talks about not just
how to date, but where dating came from,
and things to look for, and so forth.
One of the general overall principles, though,
is I think what Kenton, like you're kind of getting at,
is like,
You want to prepare to find your spirit mate
in a way that you're looking to make choices
instead of just like browsing.
Like it's like going into a store
and knowing what you're there to buy
and what you're looking for versus just browsing
and being efficient with your time
because no one wants to waste time
being in a relationship that isn't gonna go anywhere.
And so Kenton, like you're saying,
like you invested how much time in that and good on you,
but also at the same time, it's like, yeah, it's difficult.
Like that's kind of like what Mike was saying,
like, man, I'm sorry to hear that.
And I am too.
I'm like, I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry it took this long to take that time
to invest into basically like something that could have,
but just can't get past that one issue.
And so that is difficult.
That sucks.
But at the same time, I think one of the things
that we're trying to promote in this community
is trying to look at the development of the relationship,
dating, all the context of how to go about this,
trying to really zero in on the things
that like non-negotiables,
things that are actual non-negotiables
versus things that are just preferences,
like knowing what you're looking for,
like really dialing that in on several different levels.
And that's one of the things I think
we're really trying to really deliver
to our community right now.
And I hope that you all, number one, get the book.
I hope that you all would consider joining the book club
because I think it's gonna be really helpful.
If you know what you're looking for, then I get it.
That's fine.
For those of you who are maybe struggling
to really dial that in and be very intentional,
this book and the book club even
is going to help you really do that.
I think so.
So I'm just kind of, I don't know, it's a shameless plug,
but at the same time, I really believe
that that is what really we're trying to do
in this community.
Because more than anything, I don't wanna see people,
men and women, just going about this casually
and wasting time or feeling like,
oh man, I put so much into this, it didn't work out,
and then just getting disappointed
to get back out there again.
Because the relationship, what you're after,
what you're, the 30,000 book view,
what you're after is worth it to put the time in.
But if you put the time in and get so discouraged
all the time because you are not clear
on what you're looking for, that can be just a loop
that you go on and on and on.
You just like figure it out, it's not even worth it.
And then you give up.
A lot of people are experiencing it right now.
I feel like this season of like 2026
is really a year of a lot of that.
A lot of people are looking at the economy,
they're looking at life, they're looking at
what's going on in the world,
and they're like feeling like, well, what's the use?
It's just like what's, I feel like
it's just too hard anymore.
It's just like life is just getting too difficult.
It's getting too strange, it's getting too awkward,
it's getting too whatever, including finding a relationship.
And so I don't want you to get discouraged.
I want you to be encouraged.
And I think that really getting clear
on what it is you want and what it is that you're pursuing
is very, very, very important.
So I'm putting that out there as a challenge.
Because, man, it's rare that you get a book club
with the caliber like Jackie and Dave and the rest of them
that really know what they're talking about.
So I challenge you gentlemen to get on board with that one
because it will help you.
Like I haven't taken it yet.
I just got the book.
But what I hear about Jackie saying already,
she's a very wise woman.
In your face, yes.
But we need that as men sometimes, in your face.
So I just want to plug in for that.
It's an opportunity you will rarely see
or rarely get into that is at this level.
So do take it.
I can jump in real quick.
And the other thing is like knowing what you want
and like, and Jackie is really helpful,
looking at what like red flags
and what to look for in what you want.
So that way you're not spinning your wheels.
You know, like Jackie, she's like, I'm the matchmaker.
And in one of my, she was the matchbreaker
in one of the things that I was doing.
And I've shared that before.
But like, you need people who are that.
Like, so that you're like, to David's point.
You're not in this perpetual cycle.
Well, and when you know what you want, you just go and get it.
I mean, like, if you don't know what you're wanting, well, do I want this?
Do I not want this?
I mean, like I told you guys, I dated that cop and I did not know if I wanted it or
not, and that completely tilted me.
Right.
And, and like, and I was not ready for that and I didn't show up as an authentic
self because I'm sitting there, I'm half, I'm not even half in or half out.
I'm just kind of sitting there figuring it out.
So no, anything that you can help to, to diagnose red flags and to know what
she wants, you can jump on it.
Yeah.
Having, having a methodology, it just takes, it takes you past the, the, the,
it takes you past looking at yourself and your situation and going, you know,
what's wrong with me versus I've learned now a methodology that gets, it's a
skillset basically, where you're just like, okay, I have a method now that
shows me and I'm getting good, better and better at it every time I put it into
action, it becomes a pathway to like a better way at, you know, solving every
issue rather than just being wondering like, well, what's wrong with me and
what's wrong with, you know, women and what's wrong with, you know, just like
complaining and just, you know, circling around.
So I think it's really powerful that way.
Like for myself, gentlemen, and this is just myself.
I've learned that if, if I'm not dating somebody or looking for somebody that
has my same love languages, especially cause touch is very important to me.
And if that woman can't touch me or doesn't know how to, that's going
to wreck me, the relationship right away.
So touching and quality time are my two top.
And so that's the kind of woman I'm looking for as well as the interest, like
skiing and weightlifting and whatnot.
Those are important that don't, don't over underplay those ones.
That's good.
It's very good.
Anybody else?
Uh, Dan, you have anything, Tim, Christopher, David H just want to give
you an opportunity if you got something.
Uh, good to have you back, Mr.
Dorman, what's that good, good, good to see you feeling well.
Yeah, I am.
I'm about 98% back, so I appreciate that.
Thank you.
Thank you for your prayers and thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you, Mike, too, for filling in and helping us out to appreciate that so much.
So, all right guys, a great time tonight.
Great discussion.
Right at the top of the hour.
So, uh, I bless you.
I release, um, just favor and, um, all good things towards you.
Uh, I just pray that God is continuing to, as he is, cause he is good.
He's continued to show you and you'll have open eyes to see what he's doing and the
answers that he is working on for you.
I just thank you right now, Lord, for these men.
I bless them.
I speak life and health and wealth over them in Jesus name.
Amen.
And amen guys.
You guys have a great time.
You have a great week and we'll see you next time.
That's sweet.
See you guys.