Hi ladies. Welcome. Happy Monday. We're here for another heartwork session. Excited to
be here tonight. My name is Bethany Cooper. I'm one of the master heartwork coaches here
in the community. So if you've never met me before, welcome. It's nice to meet you. We'd
love for you all to come on screen if you can. And I'm sure as we start to move forward,
some more ladies will start joining us. Hi Ashley. Good to see you. Anyone joining us
new for the first time? You've never been here for a live session before. Put that in
the chat for me. Okay. That's what I thought. You were a new name and face there. Welcome
Ashley for her first time. Anyone else joining us for your first live session? Just going
to wait to make sure. Welcome back everyone else that's returning. We're glad to have
you joining us again tonight. A couple housekeeping items. Again, we'll do this every week. You
know, we just kind of cycle back through some and then sometimes we have new ones that you
all haven't heard of before. But one of the reminders this week is just that during the
heartwork course, we encourage you all to press pause on dating. You know, that means
interacting on dating apps, trying to get, you know, meet guys out in public. It doesn't
mean you can't say hi to someone, but we just don't want you to pursue a romantic relationship
at this time. A lot of that comes from when you're in a heart healing process, there's
a lot of stuff that's going to get stirred up in you. And if you try to meet someone
during this time, most of the time you're going to attract someone that is not going
to be ideal because you've got a lot of healing stuff, trauma things stirred up. And so one
encourage you all to press pause on that. If you have someone approach you during this
heart healing time and they seem amazing, we encourage you to still press pause on that.
You can say, Hey, you seem like a really nice guy. I'm in the middle of some really important
heart healing journey. I'm going to be doing this for several more weeks. If you're open
to it, I would love to circle back to you after I'm done with this, this journey, because
this really matters to me. Because here's the thing that happens. A lot of women will
get into the fear mode of like, what if I don't act on this right now? I'm probably
going to miss out on this guy. And he's amazing. And there's all this fear that gets stirred
up that if you don't act right now that you're going to miss out. Well, let me just say this.
That's not going to happen if you trust God with this process completely. We have women
that have gotten tripped up while they're in the heart work, they meet someone, they
start dating them, they get really off course, and it doesn't go well. It happens all the
time y'all. And so we're trying to save you that on the front end. And for those of you
that were dating someone when you came into the course, the dynamic is a little different,
obviously, because you're already dating them. We're not saying you have to break up with
them if they're a healthy person. What I want you to consider is the person that you're
dating. Are you in a currently healthy relationship with them and dynamic? Are they someone that
is mature, masculine, marriage minded? Or are you in a situation ship and unhealthy
dynamic for some reason, whether that's on your part or their part. And so you really
want to look at that and be really open minded. And I would encourage you doesn't mean again,
that you have to break up with them. But I would encourage you to create some space
during this time. Again, if you were dating someone before you came into the heart work,
where you would just create space in that relationship to really give yourself time
to identify what's getting uncovered in your heart. And what is God trying to do in you
during this season? All right. And then we encourage you to invest in self care on this
healing journey. It's really important ladies to drink plenty of water, okay? Lots of water
getting extra rest, eating healthy food as much as possible. Little snacks throughout the day are
going to be a game changer for you. Because when you're processing a lot of trauma, you're going
to have a lot of toxins released into your system. So even moving your body, exercise, walking,
that kind of stuff, it's going to help get that stuff out of your body and your system.
Highly recommend for those of you that, you know, might start to feel brain fog,
or you might just feel really overwhelmed and down like you can't move forward.
Try drinking some detox tea, try getting some extra rest, try going for a walk to kind of just
step away for a little bit and then kind of re-come back in. Most times you're going to feel
a little recalibration that will happen there. Supernatural Saturday, if you haven't heard it
from this last Saturday, if you're brand new, all of our replays from Supernatural Saturday and our
heart check-ins like this are going to help.
be under the replay tab in our last year single app, okay? So that's where you'll find those.
This last Saturday was Living Supernatural Lives. Really great, you all. And Jackie even talked in
there about, you know, really looking at your friendships, not even just romantic relationships,
but your friendships and believing for God to supernaturally bring healthy friends into your
lives. And so I believe that'll be a really strong blessing to your life as you lean into that and
check that out. All right, let me pray for us and then we'll go into the content for tonight.
Father, thank you so much. Thank you for this night. Thank you for this day that you have made.
God, let us rejoice and be glad in it. God, I pray that tonight that you would just continue
to reveal areas for healing. God, that you would bring things out of darkness into the light. Help
us to see what we couldn't see before. Yes, Lord, bring the unknown factors to the surface, things
that are causing us to get hung up, the hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Help us to recognize areas
where we have partnered with lies and unbelief, doubt, limiting belief systems, things that, again,
just cause us not even to see you correctly, God. We thank you for transforming us by the renewing
of our minds that all old things are passing away. And behold, everything is becoming new in you and
through you. By your grace, God, we are enabled to walk into the victory of the life you have for us,
God, the abundant life, the good, good life. God, we thank you that you would just continue to be with us.
We thank you, Holy Spirit, for being here tonight. Have your way, walk among us, weave in and out of
conversations, let everything land on people's hearts the way they need it. We thank you, God,
that you are the one that is the great physician. Nothing is too hard for you. Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord,
we thank you that you're rewriting stories even now, God, that you're preparing hearts for what
you have for them. Give them the capacity to receive the revelation and the truth of it.
In Jesus name, amen. Amen. Again, would love you all to join us on screen. We have
Ashley and Kiera on screen with me tonight. Anyone else want to join us on screen?
Would love to see you. Welcome for those of you that have joined in the last few minutes. So glad
to see you all tonight. So we're going into tonight what I call the story of Candice, God
Cares and Broken Promises. That's how I title this session. I love talking about this topic. I love
talking about all the topics, but this one in particular is one that I have found a lot of
people really struggle with the promises of God. They really do because they actually don't believe
that God is good. We believe it a lot of times in our head, and because we go to church and we're
told God is good all the time. I don't know if you've ever been raised in a church where that's,
I mean, you say it all the time, and we know we do know that he's good, but in our hearts, down in
our subconscious, there's lies that we're believing that are causing us to not partner with God is
good. And so that tends to kind of circumvent the things that God is trying to do in our lives. And
so in the heartwork, as for those of you that are new, you might not have heard this yet, but you will,
there is a story that Jackie tells about Candice. So I'm not going to go into the whole
story tonight, because if you haven't heard it, I just want you to hear it first from her,
but I like to touch on this story because here are some of the main points.
God knows what we need, God knows where we are, and God knows how to get us what we need where
we're at. So in the story of Candice, Jackie was telling this story of God was speaking to her
about Candice. Candice is going to be there, and she needs healing, but she didn't know where
God was talking about, and she didn't know who Candice was. And so this whole story that Jackie
kind of walks us through in the heartwork was really at the core about God showing Jackie
the lengths that he will go to and through to get people healing, to get people to freedom,
and he orchestrated several different things to lead Jackie to the person that he was talking
about. And so you'll hear that story in there for those of you that have been in the heartwork for
a little while, you probably know that story really well. But what I want you to think about
as we're stepping further into the content for tonight, I want you just to ask yourself where
you're at. Even in the last few weeks, what is something, a promise from God that I've been
doubting? Where, you know, something happens in life, maybe you're even, I don't know about you
all, but for those of you that are new, you wouldn't know this, but a couple weeks ago,
I was really sick. My husband and I were both very sick. We had a really hard time getting over it.
And, uh, three weeks in, I was starting to feel really just down and frustrated
that I was still not feeling good.
So tired, I'm still showing up to do the work and all the things,
but just felt so depleted.
And, uh, I was talking to Jackie about that today and because something
she said made me realize like, Oh, I bet that I, that is why I was feeling
down because I was sick for several weeks.
And, you know, when you're kind of tearing and tearing, you can
start to feel kind of really down, especially when your body is compromised.
Right.
And so, for example, the reason I'm sharing that is during those weeks, I
found myself struggling with things that I know are certain that God is working
on, not in the sense that I didn't think God would come through necessarily,
but I just kind of felt that hopeless feeling, even though I know, and I can
things that God is working on.
And so I want you all to see the physical element here.
And Jackie talks about that in the story of Elijah and was so interesting.
Um, Jackie shared a couple stories on Saturday that I just like, God led me to
include in a different session I led on Thursday night.
And so I just thought that was so cool how God was like saying the same thing
through both her and I, and just different ways.
And so, you know, be thinking about, you know, what are some
things that you've faced recently?
That have caused you to question God's promises for you.
Okay.
You see God doing things for other people, but you tend to struggle to
believe he's going to come through for you.
Um, so some of the things that I want you to prepare your heart for as we're
unpacking this tonight is that God wants to reveal to you all the areas that you
struggle to believe that not only does he care about your needs, but he also
cares about your wants.
And for some of us, especially if you grew up having to take care of yourself
or you had any kind of abandonment or rejection, um, from parents or guardians,
people that were supposed to take care of you actually harmed you, you know,
there's all this stuff where it's very hard.
Okay.
Yeah.
I believe God might meet my needs, but we struggle to believe that he
will actually give us our wants.
I was just talking to Brian about this.
Cause we're in the middle of a foster, uh, to adopt licensing process.
And the woman that was here today was talking to us and she was doing her job.
She was doing all the things, telling us all the things she's supposed to
do, because there's no guarantee you could foster and that child could
go back to their parent.
And, and that is the goal.
That is the goal of fostering.
But the reality is, is that we are hoping to adopt.
Okay.
And so, um, she's saying all the things to us today that she's supposed to say.
And I'm starting to feel as she was talking longer and longer about it, I
started feeling this like frustration in my spirit, like almost, like I said, I
feel like she was trying to like, get us to not do this, like, that's how it felt.
That's how it just felt so intense in that moment.
And I'm sharing this with you because the more I processed it as the day went on,
I know that I have to be in touch with reality.
It's good to keep us, you know, really good, solid head.
You know, we might have placements where they do go back to their biological
parents, but I also believe that God could bring children to us that are going to be
ready to have that foster to adopt be the, be the end goal.
So again, it doesn't mean we won't have placements on the way to that, but I just
felt this thing rise up in my spirit this afternoon after she left, like, like God
kind of was whispering to me, like, you know, I'm working behind the scenes.
Like, and so it's, it's like, we have to choose at some point to
partner with what is God saying?
No matter what.
And again, it doesn't mean we're not living in reality, but we also want to be
in that supernatural, like, okay, God, like I can hear what everyone else is
saying, but God, what are you saying?
And so I want to encourage you in that, that the want there is that we want to
adopt, that is our want.
We want a child or children that are ours long-term.
Okay.
We're willing to love children, um, in a short timeframe and give them a safe
place that, you know, we'll then go back to their parents as well.
But we want children that will be ours.
That is our want.
And so I, it's okay for me.
And this is what I said to him and we both agree on this.
Um, but I said, it's okay for us to want that, you know?
And so what is it that you want?
And I want you to think beyond the love story.
The love story is the cherry on top.
We talk about that.
this community and we really want you to partner with that. But what are some
other things that you would really want in your life? Like, do you want a new
house? Do you want to live somewhere by, you know, a lake or a beach? Or maybe you
love the mountains and the snow? I don't know. Like, where you really start
thinking about what do you want in your life? What are the blessings of God where
the enemy has tried to cause you to believe that God is the God of less than
versus the God of more than enough? Where is, excuse me, the enemy
trying to convince you that it's too late for you? You know, it's never gonna
work out for you. You've tried before and, you know, this is where you always end up.
I had a lady in one of the other groups the other day. I was coaching her and one
of the things she said is, I always get to about two to three weeks in about, you
know, eight to nine dates. And that includes video dates. And then she said,
and then they always decide to move on. And so we were just, I was coaching her
through some things that she said regarding that. Because see what started
happening is she started partnering with, this is what always happens to me. This
is what always happens to me. And I'm not saying it's not true, but I'm like, okay
let's look at where did that start? Where did that lie start in you? Because it
started somewhere. And then as soon as we start agreeing with that stuff, you
all, it does shift things in the physical realm. So what is it that you're
believing right now that are in opposition? They're like literally going
against the promises of God in your heart. Like they're just not like leading
you towards the truth. What is blocking the promise of God in your life? All
right. So God wants to reveal to you that He is good and that He will come
through for you. Not just your friend, not just another woman in this community, but
He wants to come through for you. And the timing of that is important. You know, I
remember being in the heart work myself. For those of you that are new, I'm one of
the success stories from this community. I originally went through this program in
January of 2021. I ended up, I did have an accelerated love story. I did a lot of
work before I came into this community too. So I try to always let people know
that. I worked with counselors and coaches before I came here. But I
originally met my now husband September of 2021. We got married September of 22.
And this September will be four years of being married. And so I say that to you
because I remember being in the heart work. And just, I was kind of on a pause
from dating when I came into this community and program. And I really did
wait for a while to even date at all. But I remember the first time I heard Jackie
talk about the baby gates. And so I can't even remember if she mentions that in the
heart work phase one or where that comes in because it's been so long. But it what
she shared about is that sometimes, you know, we think God's withholding from us,
we think God isn't giving us what we want. But the reality is, is he just has some
baby gates up. Because we think we're ready for something, because we want it
right now. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with us for wanting it
right now. I wanted a baby biologically three years ago, four years ago, we've
been married almost four years. That didn't happen yet. So we're doing some
other things to see what other avenues we can go through. And so do you think I
didn't feel upset about I want it right now? Of course I did. But we have to deny
that stuff and really continue to, okay, God, like, right now, that's not working.
So what is working? What can we move towards? And so the reality is, is
sometimes we think we're ready for something. And God is preparing us for it
so that when we get it, we can actually stand up under the weight of it. Marriage
is an absolute blessing you all, but it's also hard. It's not easy for two people
to become one, you're merging your lives together, you have to just surrender to
each other and, you know, love each other through the things that might drive you
crazy sometimes and all the things. And that's really an incredible process that
can be also trying at times. And so sometimes we think we're ready right now
for that person. And God is saying, Hey, I just want to continue to help you
prepare. And for some of you, you were in the waiting room a really long time
because you unfortunately put yourself there or someone in the church said
something that put you there. Really, the enemy was the one working in that the
whole time. And so you look at your time, like I've been waiting for 20 years,
we've had people say that.
here. They didn't date for 20 years. They didn't date anyone. And they blamed God
because they felt like they believed the lie that God was holding out on them. That God,
they were just waiting for their Boaz and God didn't come through for them.
Well, here's the reality. We choose to go in the waiting room.
There's ownership there that has to be had. Okay? Whether that was because we believed a lie that
someone said to us, or we just, we just are like, I'm not, you know, like I, you know,
some people will do it. And again, I'm not saying these are bad.
Some people will say, I got to wait until my kids are 18. Some people will say, you know, well,
the church says I shouldn't date unless, you know, this, this, and this, you know,
whatever it is, that's put us there. We have to acknowledge that it's not necessarily God
that led us there. It's choices we made based off of things that people were saying and how
we interpreted those. If y'all start to unpack really what led you to the places that you're at,
you will start to see how the enemy was working and leading you into those places and spaces,
even the mistakes that we've made. When I look back, my spiritual daughters,
I dated their dad for six years and was in a situationship, was way too caught up in that,
mostly because of the girls. I, when I was married before my ex-husband,
when I filed for divorce, would not let me see my stepson ever again. And so I had a lot of wounds
from that. And that led me into a relationship where I got enmeshed and tangled very quickly
because I fell in love with his girls. And I got love bombed a lot. And I thought that guy
was going to come back and he never did. Okay. And so this is how sometimes this stuff works.
But the reality is, is I chose. And a lot of times what we will do, and I did this,
I blamed God for leading me into that relationship.
Okay. I'm not saying that it was wrong for me in the beginning to believe,
oh, this looks so great. And there were things that looked good. But when I really started
seeing some things underneath the surface, red flags were revealed very quickly in that dynamic.
And you all, I didn't pay attention to them. I blew past them because of my own counterfeit
identities, brokenness, and getting entangled with the girls. And so, yeah, it is the hard
part, Amanda. Us owning our side of the street is always the hardest part. And a lot of times
we will forgive everybody else and we tend to forgive ourselves last. And so even be considering
that we're talking about the promises of God tonight, but even right before I jumped on,
there was something that God drew to my attention that I just want to read the forgiveness prayer
for you guys tonight. I just feel like that's for somebody either here live or going to catch
the replay. But again, we're talking about God's promises. So why did I mention all of that? Well,
because God is good and he will come through for you. You know, even though I took that detour
for six years, and I'm going to tell you, I definitely felt like, man, I wasted six years
regarding fertility and stuff. But the reality is, is I have two amazing spiritual daughters
that are still in my life today. And it's been many years later from the time that I have not
been with their dad. And I'm super grateful for those relationships with them. I wouldn't, I would
not change that. I wouldn't. And so, you know, again, we, we look at what's good. We acknowledge
the hard and what was real or what is currently our reality, but we keep pressing forward and also
really ask God to show us who he is. God is love. God is faithful. God is kind. He is good.
He is gentle. If you read scriptures in the Bible and focus on some of those things and ask God to
really show you who he is as those, it's going to change your whole relationship with him. At least
it did for me. So I believe that he'll do that for you as well. So I want you to also be thinking
about where were you let down? Where do you have trauma, unhealed wounds from the past
that are causing you to feel, to view, excuse me, God from filters and false lenses? I shared that a
couple weeks ago with my sunglasses on and how it causes us to see colors differently and also keeps
us from seeing certain colors. Some sunglasses that we have now, that's kind of how things go.
Numbers 23, 19 says this, God is not a man that he should lie, neither the son of man that he
should repent. Hath he said and shall he not do it? Has he spoken and shall he not make good?
That same scripture, Numbers 23, 19, says this.
God is not a man when given to lies
and not a son of man changing his mind.
Does he speak and not do what he says?
Does he promise and not come through?
Psalm 31, 16 says this.
Let your face shine on your servant.
Save me and your unfailing love for thy mercy's sake.
Unfailing love in this scripture.
I'm gonna talk to you guys about
a couple different scriptures
that talk about unfailing love.
Because at the core, when we really get to the root
for people that are struggling to believe
that God will meet their needs and their wants,
that God is good, typically it's because
down in the core somewhere of our subconscious
aspects of our soul, we do not believe that God loves us
on some level, okay?
So this is what it says again.
Psalm 31, 16, let your face shine on your servant.
Save me and your unfailing love for thy mercy's sake.
Unfailing love here means goodness,
kindness, faithfulness, merciful.
Psalm 32, verse 10 says, many are the woes of the wicked,
but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds those,
sorry, surrounds the one who trusts in him.
His unfailing love surrounds those who trust in him.
So let's think about that.
Unfailing love here means mercy shall encompass him about.
I just want you to, if you can just imagine,
I don't know, this is how I do things sometimes, y'all,
just to really like process what scripture is saying to me.
I just try to think of like a swirl around me of mercy,
of God's mercy or his love,
just that he's literally encompassing around about me.
That means to turn, to turn about, to around or side,
to be in the back, to be in the front.
There's a lot of scriptures that talk about
how he's on every side.
When we're afraid and we feel like the enemy's coming in,
like a flood, the Bible says that God would raise up
a standard against him
and he will cause him to flee seven ways.
God is protecting us, he's defending us.
Sometimes we feel like he's hurting us
because he wants to remove an unhealthy relationship
from our lives, but y'all, he's not.
I remember just crying over that relationship.
Y'all, it was a mess and a disaster.
Their dad cheated on me so many times I lost count
and with so many people.
He talked bad about me behind my back.
Like there was just so many layers of just bad stuff,
but yet I kept staying.
Interesting.
When I look back now, I'm like, that isn't,
like it's weird because I'm like, I'm so different now
that it's hard to like even imagine me making that decision.
But I know that was me because I lived it.
And I believe that will be the case for so many of you,
that one day you're gonna look back
and you're gonna be like, man, my life is so different now.
God, thank you.
God, thank you for removing the things
and helping me to let go of things
that were not a part of your kingdom plan for me
because he has really good things for us.
But sometimes we're so, there's that,
some people like this example, some people don't,
but it's something that's always ministered to me.
There's that picture out there
where Jesus has this really big teddy bear behind his back
and there's a little girl
and she's got this little teeny tiny teddy bear.
And he's really just asking her to give him that little bear
so that he can give her the big thing.
And so often that is so true.
Psalm 33, verse 5, 18 and 22.
I'm gonna read each one.
The Lord loves righteousness and justice.
The earth is full of his unfailing love.
In this one, it's the goodness of the Lord.
Verse 18, but the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.
In this verse, it's mercy.
Verse 22, may your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
Verse 22 here, unfailing love is mercy and goodness combined.
I love the layering of that scripture in those verses
because again, it's like saying,
hey, the goodness of the Lord,
then it's saying mercy and then it's,
he's saying both kind of double whammy in a good way.
And so I want you to be just even thinking about like,
what does it mean for you to really imagine
being full of God's goodness,
like really experiencing the goodness of God
in the land of the living?
You know, we don't have to wait to heaven for life
to be good, you all.
But if you believe you do,
well, that's a heart thing you need to really look at.
get with the Lord. You know, and sometimes again, we can be like,
Oh, yeah, I think God is good. He's good. And then but like,
we're living below underneath the surface. We're like, Oh,
yeah, I think God's good. But like, we're hanging out
underneath the table. I'm looking at my own table right
now. Like that was the revelation God showed me years
ago, I was down underneath the table, begging for crumbs,
because my heart posture was telling me that's all I
deserved. I was in a relationship, I wasn't
sometimes barely even getting crumbs of anything you all and
I kept staying. And then, you know, little by little, God kept
showing me, you know, hey, I have a seat for you at the
table. Like, when are you gonna come up here and sit with me?
And little by little, he just kept showing me those kind of
mindsets and things that were like, okay, well, what got me
under the table? Why am I down there, Lord? Like, help me to
know what what's in my heart that's causing me to be there.
Some other revelations I had were one day I had this vision
of myself. And like I was I was this young girl, and I was
standing outside of like, there was almost like, I don't know
if y'all would remember back in the old days, the old Willy
Wonka. I don't know if the newer ones had this. But you know,
Willy Wonka in the factory was like this really fun, amazing
place. But then there was these gates where people couldn't get
in, you know, that kind of like those bar gates. That's what it
was like in my vision. And there was this really awesome place I
wanted to go. But I was on the outside of the gate. And the
gate was closed. And I was just like, begging God to be on the
inside. That was my vision that I had. And then one day, God
showed me something. He showed me that the gate was open. But
my perspective was the gate was closed, and I was stuck on the
outside. But the reality is, is the gate was always open. But my
heart was deceiving me. You know, the Bible says the heart
is deceitfully wicked. You know, we have to really uncover these
things with the Lord, so that we can start to shift. I 100%
believe that when I started shifting in the way I was
looking at things, and I started really seeing that God, I always
had access to him. The gate was always open to me. I started
shifting in what I believed on the inside. And that impacted
what I believed I was able to get on the outside. And what I
was worth and my value and all the things that I needed to
fight for, which for many times in the past, I hadn't. There's a
song out there. I'm sure you all have heard it called Sparrows by
Corey Asbury. I'm going to read something over you really quick.
And hopefully you'll take some time to listen to it. And maybe
I'll even speak to you differently. This time,
sometimes we can hear songs over and over and not really connect
with them. But the words of this are so powerful. The sparrow is
not worried about tomorrow or the troubles to come. The
lily's not thinking about the seasons, the drought or the
flood. A tree that's planted by the water isn't fazed by the
fire. So why should I be? Because you take good care of me.
You take good care of me. You know what I need before I even
ask a thing and you hold me in your hands with a kindness that
never ends. I'm carried in your love no matter what the future
brings. Yeah, you take good care of me. The sun's not
worried about the winter because soon it will will pass the light
is not thinking about the darkness or the shadow that it
casts. A heart that is planted in forgiveness does not dwell on
the past. So why should I be? Because you take good care of
me. Yeah, you take good care of me. You know what I need before
I even ask a thing. You hold me in your hands with a kindness
that never ends. I'm carried in your love no matter what the
future brings. Yeah, you take good care of me. So why is this
time different? Ladies? Let's let's put it in the chat. I'm
going to see what you guys think before I tell you. Why do you
think this time is different? For some of you that have been
here a long time, you might already know the answer and
that's okay. But let's go ahead and see what people are saying
in the chat. Why do you think this time is going to be
different? Supernatural surrender. Yeah, it's so
powerful when we surrender fully and with God's supernatural
ability. It's a game changer. Anyone else? There's no wrong
answers, ladies. I know it takes some time to type them into
because of a changed heart. I've done some work awakened to his
goodness.
because I'm letting God in and letting Him lead, heartwork.
Anyone else?
These are all really good.
Okay, you can keep putting them in there.
I am working it consistently and trusting Him,
not fixing my heart, I'm healing my heart, yeah.
Trusting God more, love these.
Okay, so yes, you guys got it, ready to surrender.
And I think that's a key word right there.
Not only is it supernatural surrender,
but Natalie said ready.
Are you ready to surrender?
Are you really ready to let go of anger
you have towards God or other people or yourself?
I've said this before,
sometimes some of us aren't getting God's promises
and we're not moving forward
because we put ourself in prison and we shut the gates
and we just, we think we have to stay there.
And even that, the bars are open, the gate is open.
God's opened the prison gates for Jesus Christ,
but we have to learn how to stand and walk in that victory.
All right, so why is this time different?
Because you are different.
No matter what, no matter what happened yesterday,
you're already different today.
If you're applying the heart healing,
if you're leaning into like getting to know God,
reconnecting with God, whatever that looks like for you,
maybe you've always known God,
but this is, you just feel like something in the presence.
Everybody experiences something different here.
Whatever that looks like for you,
every single day, you're gonna become someone new
and you're gonna unbecome some things too, okay?
You're unbecoming those counterfeit identities
that you've become through trauma and heart wounds
and all this stuff.
And then you're becoming that version
of who God originally created you to be
more every single day.
And every day as we continue to surrender,
you know, again, hey Lord, I'm ready to surrender.
Lord, what do you want me to surrender today?
Like even just getting in that consistent heart posture
is really good.
Lord, this feels really hard today.
You know, when I was feeling down
like how I told you guys a couple of weeks ago,
I just said, Lord, I just feel so sad.
I don't know what's going on with me.
Life is good.
There's a lot of good stuff happening around me.
Why do I feel so sad?
You know, David said, why are you down,
Casto, my soul?
Hope in the Lord.
So we need to talk to our spirits too
and talk to God and just own what we're feeling.
But remember, we don't want our feelings
to get in the driver's seat.
I knew what I was feeling, but I'm like,
ugh, I don't like this.
I don't want this in the driver's seat.
What's going on with me?
And little by little, you know,
that stuff starts to shut off
and God speaks to us as we continue
to give those things to him.
So we heal more, we grow more in our identity in Christ.
We become someone new, as I was saying.
And the above are all things,
all those things that I mentioned
are all things that can help us choose differently
in the future, to see people in the world
around us differently than we did even yesterday.
From a healthier place, if our heart is healing,
maybe we're gonna recognize the voice of God more.
Maybe we're gonna trust more
that he isn't keeping things from us.
But he's actually defending us
from things that are not good for us.
Maybe we're gonna actually believe
that God is, you know, looking out for us.
He's preparing us, he's leading us
into the fullness of his plans and promises for us.
Heart change equals life change.
So the more that our heart heals,
the more our life can change.
Like I said, you all, I'm not kidding.
When I tell you, I look back,
I look back, I was looking recently,
I just even like, let's see,
I dated their dad, I met him at the end of 2013.
And so until 2019.
And so now it's been like seven years.
Oh my gosh, I didn't even think about that.
That's kind of fun.
Seven years, year of perfection.
Hadn't thought about that until just in this moment,
if you can't tell.
I like the number seven.
But anyways, it just makes me think sometimes,
like when you look back,
I mean, seven years really isn't that long of a time.
It is long, but it's not.
And I look at how much I've changed.
Like I live a completely different life, you all, okay?
So if I can do it, and if God can do it in me,
then you can do it and he can do it in you too.
It just takes consistency.
Keep showing up.
Don't give up, keep showing up.
When you feel overwhelmed, don't give up.
Don't check out, don't isolate.
Don't pull away from people.
Lean, do the opposite of what you feel in your flesh.
Do the opposite of that.
Truly, if we will do that, a lot of times that will save us a lot.
Don't give in to these men that are asking you to go against your values and what you believe.
No, wait for God's good promises for you.
Yeah, Catherine, I know you've changed so much since you came into the program.
100% agree with that.
So real and lasting change is a process, ladies.
I know we live in a microwave culture.
We actually live in a faster than that now.
You know, everything is fast.
Look at the technology.
It's changing so fast people can't even keep up with it anymore.
And so what happens is we apply those same principles to our love story,
the other things we're asking God for.
And when we don't get it right now, we throw fits.
Anyone else want to admit to that?
I do it.
I still do it sometimes.
Where I'm just like, God, I don't want to deal with this.
You know, we've been over here rebuilding the church that burnt down before God led us here.
It was burnt before we even came.
Some churches, some of these amazing cathedrals we've gone to see were built in less time than our current church.
We have faced so many obstacles to this process.
God hasn't made sense sometimes.
But then when we trust, we see something else happening.
God's preparing our people.
If God had literally helped us rebuild that church and get that done in a year,
I don't think our current people that we have in our church,
because we have additional people that have even joined us in the last year,
we would not have been able to do what God was leading us to do.
I really don't think we could have.
You know, to see along this last year as we've continued to walk this path,
God's brought us additional staff.
God's brought us additional people that can actually run this race with Brian and I.
It matters.
The process matters.
And we don't want to discount what's happening even when we think nothing is working.
Remember that God is always working.
I love to tell the story of even years ago, I was going on a walk,
and we're going to get ready to go into breakout session here in a minute.
I was walking, and you all, I've noticed bugs before, okay?
I think we've all noticed ants or bugs or whatever, but for whatever reason,
this one day, I was still in Kentucky at the time.
I was walking, and I looked down, and there was an anthill in the sidewalk,
and there were ants all over the place.
And all of a sudden, I just started having this whole kind of unfolding story in my mind,
if you will.
That's how some of the ways God talks to me.
I started thinking about all the bugs that were underneath the ground
that we don't even see or think about every single day because we're up walking on top of it.
Until we see something like an anthill or we see them crawling around, but think about it.
Underneath the surface, there's all kinds, just like the ocean, there's all kinds.
You go down way deep, there's all kinds of fish down there and sea creatures and all that.
But we tend to see what we see on the surface, right?
So you want to think about God's promises and the way he's working in your life the same way.
Even when we can't see it, you know, sometimes we're walking along,
we don't recognize the ant that we're about to step on or whatever bug that is.
And then sometimes we notice it, don't we?
And then it's all of a sudden, it's like, ooh, now I don't know if you're all like me.
I don't step on ants if I see them.
Now, a spider? Killed a spider last night.
Sometimes spiders are good for things, but I don't like them in my house.
Hopefully I'm making you all laugh as you process this.
But these are the things that help me, and so I hope that it will help you when you see things.
And just really ask God to use whatever things are in your day-to-day to speak to you,
to encourage you, to help you to connect with the truth that he is working in your life.
Even when you can't see it, that he's working.
So we want to choose to step out of alignment with the microwave culture of instant coffee, instant everything,
and just say, God, thank you.
Thank you that even when I can't see it, you're working.
I trust that you have your good things coming in my life.
Lord, help me to have an upgrade in the understanding of your care for me more every day.
All right, so breakout session tonight is this.
This is your question.
When was a time someone broke a promise that they made to you, and how is that still affecting you today?
When was a time someone broke a promise to you, and how is that still affecting you today?
Here's the reality as well.
you all have broken promises to yourself. So if the person that broke the promise is you,
you can share about that as well. All right, let me get these breakout sessions ready.
She kind of says she's about to kill a spider right now. Get it, girl.
All right, if you're not able to go in the breakout, that's all right. All right, let's see here.
Okay, we're at eight. We're going to do seven minutes tonight. So there'll be about two to
three of you in a room, depending on how many people... Oh, wait, did I do this right?
A lot of people in four. Let me... So sorry. Hold on one second, y'all.
There we go. Okay, seven minutes, short, brief, and powerful. Go ahead and share about the question
first. If you have extra time, then you guys can kind of just get to know each other, but
definitely talk about the question first. All right, go ahead and click to join those as quick
as you can. For those staying here in the room or watching the replay, I'll start to pray as
soon as I get everyone situated here in the back end for those rooms.
That's four.
All right, Father, thank you so much for everything you're doing in our lives.
God, I thank you that in the in-between that you would help us to rest in the truth of your
promises for us, God, that they are yes and amen, God, and that you will continue to come through
for us. God, I thank you that just as the scripture that we talked about earlier, that you're not a
man that you would lie. And so, Lord, I pray that you would reveal the areas where the enemy is
actually the one lying to us and convincing us that you're not good. Remind us of the times in
our life in the past where trauma or wounds entered that harmed us in some way, and the enemy
came in and whispered lies in those moments to try to convince us, God, that you were a trickster,
that you were deceiving, that you were not really good, that you meant harm for us. When we know the
word of God says that the enemy is the one that comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but Jesus Christ
came to give us life and give it to us more abundantly. And God, I know that when you created
us, your word declares that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, God. So I imagine those words
alone, like I even think about, you know, when parents have a baby that they created or even
adopted or fostered, whatever the situation is, how wonderful they feel about that baby. I really
believe and know just from my own experience with you, Lord, that that is how you feel about us,
that you love us, that you adore us, God, that you, you know, have intricately put us together
and you celebrate when we come into the world. And so, Lord, even in that, if there's anyone that
has believed the lie that they are a burden, that they were not a blessing, anything that counteracts
the truth, that you love us, that you are excited about the day that we were born as well as the day
that you created us, that you smile over us, your word declares in Zephaniah 3, 17, that you rejoice
over us with singing. So Lord, I pray that you would help us to receive those truths deeper into
our souls. Yes, Lord, that we would lay aside, just like the Bible says, lay aside every weight that
so easily ensnares us. I even think of these as weights, that it's not just sin, it's the wrong
heart, you know, posture, the limiting beliefs, the things that hold us back from even being able to
be intimacy with you, God, and connect with you in a deeper level. So, Lord, I just thank you,
God, for placing the balm of Gilead upon our hearts, our souls, our minds, our spirits.
Yes, Lord, I thank you for your divine oil of healing flowing into every aspect of who we are
tonight, every aspect of our foundation, that you're going to the core root places, God, and
you're redeeming, you're restoring, you're rebuilding. Just like Jackie talks about, you're pouring like
liquid gold into those places, God, and your glory is going to be revealed through these areas.
I thank you, God, that you have purpose in all of our pain as we surrender that stuff to you.
Man, I think back to just even just my life and even the things I've been sharing with the ladies
tonight and have shared for so many times for some of the ladies that have been here before,
just how much you've worked in my life. And even today, as I met with my husband and I,
I met with this woman from the foster to adopt agency.
One of the things you have to do when you go through this process is you
have to answer a lot of questions about your upbringing and my
upbringing was really tough.
And I've been through a lot of things, even in my prior marriage, a lot of
abuse and things, um, as well as with the girl's dad and all of that.
And, uh, one of the things that lady said to me when she was talking about,
like reading my story as a kid is that, you know, she appreciated me sharing
so transparently and that her heart broke for me as she read my story.
And she said this.
It's really remarkable that you have been able to, you know, live the life
that you're living now and operate in the function and capabilities that you
do because you all trauma really wounds people, especially toxic trauma where
it's happening over and over and over again.
Right.
And so I really know, and I have known this for a long time.
God's hand was always on me.
No matter what the enemy tried to bring, God has always had his hand on my life.
And I'm so grateful for that.
And so I really want to encourage you all to, if you don't see that for your
life right now, I want to encourage you to ask God to show you how he has always
been with you and the ways that he has been working in your life all along.
Because he has, it's just, sometimes we can't see it when we're hurting and it's
easier on some level to believe the lie than to believe the truth.
And so I want to encourage you to really do the hard work that is the heartwork
and partner with God's truth for your life and his love that is abundant.
It's unconditional.
Literally, the Bible says that nothing can keep us from the love of God, not
height, nor depth, nor principality, nor power, not things in the present, not
things to come, nothing in the past can even keep us from the love of God.
And, you know, through Christ Jesus, Jesus Christ came so that we could
literally every divider, everything that hindered us from being one with
God was literally removed.
And, and Jesus became the way, the truth and the life to the way for us to be in
that relationship with the father and the Holy spirit.
And so because of Jesus, because of his blood, because of his sacrifice, we are
enabled to be in close relationship with the father.
And so if you don't know him as father, God, daddy, I really want to
encourage you to pray into that as well.
You know, there's a song out even years ago, Abba, you know, I listened to that
thing so many times that, you know, now I'm like, oh, I don't, I love this song,
but I can't listen to it very often because I listened to it so much back
then, but it really ministered to my core and helped me continue to partner
with, you know, that aspect of God's heart and who he is.
And so I want to encourage you all find something like that for yourself as well.
Maybe it is that song for you.
Cause maybe you haven't listened to it a thousand times like I did, but, uh, I do
want to encourage you to check that out.
I want to read some scripture over you.
Oh, they're about to come back already.
Wow.
That went so fast.
I was praying scripture too.
So that's all right.
God knew.
All right.
Well, as the rooms are starting to close, I just want to encourage you all that
are here are going to watch this replay that even when you can't join us live,
we are, we are connecting with you.
We're cheering your love story on.
We're praying for you.
Even when we're not here on these live sessions, we believe in
God's plans and promises for you.
Um, the trick here, not trick, but like the thing that you need to understand
though, is that we can believe.
For you a ton, but it's you starting to believe for yourself.
That's when things are really try to start to get momentum behind them.
And you're going to start to feel that shift and the things that God is doing.
And so it's going to be really incredible, but we are cheering you on in the process.
Welcome back ladies.
So glad to have you back for those of you that are, don't know when you come
back and I'm just like talking away.
I'm praying and talking the whole time y'all are in the breakout session.
So if y'all want to ever check that stuff out, um, we went into the
breakout tonight around like eight 45 ish.
So about 45 minutes into the session is where you'll hear me just talking and
praying away, um, while y'all are in there sometimes, you know, prophetic
words come up, sometimes I just pray.
So typically I don't even remember what I say.
So just so y'all know, I wouldn't even be able to tell you everything I just said.
That's just how it works.
Um, so welcome back.
So before we go into the group coaching, I wanted to share with you really quick.
So the activations for this week, um, we're going to work on
our never will I ever list.
I'll post this in the group.
So you'll find the instructions on everything I'm going to tell you.
And it'll be even more like informative in that post.
Okay.
Um, but this is a really important activation.
They're all important, but here is why this one is so important.
List. The list. We all have lists, and our lists tend to be really, really long.
What do I mean by that? Some of you all will not date a ton of people. Your list is so long.
Some of you have so many religious beliefs and systems that are infiltrating your list, and you're passing over really awesome people.
So that's one aspect. Here's another thing. When we go through trauma, we tend to not only partner with lies,
but we tend to make vows internally that we partner with, and those vows turn into what we call in this community,
never will I ever statements. Now, when I give you some of these examples, here's the thing.
We are not going to encourage you all ever to date someone that is actively an addict in any way, shape, or form.
We're not going to encourage you to date someone who is abusive. We're not going to encourage you to date someone who is,
what do I want to say, massively indebted and has no plan of working on it anytime soon.
Why am I saying all this to you? Because what tends to happen is people will list out things like that, and I get it,
because you've been hurt by things like that in the past. But that's not what we're looking for.
We're looking for aspects of your never will I ever that have been informed from trauma in different ways.
But we also want you to start asking God, what are your God non-negotiables?
You're like, hey, for example, one of mine was I wanted to marry someone that wanted to have children.
Okay, so no matter where they were at in their journey, that wasn't something I wanted to convince them of.
I wanted them to also want to have children because I've been around that block twice before,
where the other people, when I got married before, he wanted more kids.
He had a son before we got married, and then once we got married, he was like, oh, I changed my mind.
What? And then I was trapped, you all.
Yeah. And then dated someone, you know, the girl's dad, which we weren't married, obviously, but like, same thing.
So I kept attracting people that were saying they wanted kids, but then would renege. It was really weird.
And so see how even these things can start to, well, that comes out of vows.
That comes out of statements that we partner with and lies that we believe.
It attracts these people to us, whether we realize it or not.
All right. So some examples really quick. This is how it goes.
Never will I ever date blank because blank.
So you're going to work on filling in the blanks. Here are some examples.
Never will I ever date a man who has been divorced or already has kids.
Never will I ever date someone that has any debt at all.
You know, we're not talking about people massively in debt, but we have some people that literally, if a guy has any debt at all, they will not even consider that guy.
Well, hey, ladies, just like us, sometimes you have to hire a lawyer when you're fighting for your kids and lawyers are freaking expensive.
Maybe you have school loans that haven't been totally paid off yet.
Well, guess what? Guys have that stuff, too.
Maybe you're one of the ones that you've already paid all that stuff off and you don't have any of that. Awesome.
That's fabulous. But not everybody has the same journey.
So let's extend a little bit of grace. But again, that's that's some that people have.
Never will I ever date someone I'm not very sexually attracted to.
If I don't feel all the fireworks when I'm I'm I'm out on my first date and we got all this chemistry.
That guy's not for me.
Y'all, this is stuff we do. I used to do it, too.
We think it's got to be this like massive. I want to jump his bones right now.
Feeling y'all. I know some of y'all are laughing because this is legit.
We might not say it, but we think it and we feel it.
OK, and we're not saying we want y'all to date people that you're not attracted to at all.
But the reality is, as you as you're in our community, you're going to learn more and more about this.
It's a yes until it's a no. When you start in the dating phase, you're not in that phase right now.
Remember, you're in the heart work. So you're pressing pause on dating here.
But when you come to that point, you know, sometimes people that you you've always had a type that you're attracted to.
Well, that type hasn't really worked out for you. And I had to learn that, too.
I tended to attract bad boys. Don't even know why.
I mean, I know why now, but back then I didn't.
Well, then I.
attracted Brian. And I mean, he literally got called into the
ministry at like 16 years old, you all. I actually like, I'm
like, I've done some really bad things. I don't know if this is
gonna work. Literally, we had that conversation. We didn't
talk about all the bad things that I did. But like, even as a
teenager, I got into some trouble. I never got in trouble
with the law officially, but I probably could have y'all I was
like rambunctious and all kinds of stuff. And so you know, then
I date someone who he's just not that he never did anything
wrong, but y'all, he was a good boy. And that's not a bad thing.
Okay. But I just want you all to think about some of these
things. Here's some more. Never will I ever date a pastor or
someone in ministry. Never will I ever date someone that's been
in the military, a police officer, maybe it's a
firefighter, whatever that is for you a doctor, I don't know.
Never will I ever date I'm just making up this name, a man whose
name is john or Robert or David, because you dated or were with
someone that had that name or you went through something
horrible. And the person that did something to you had that
name. Now, am I saying that God's gonna force you to be
with someone that has that name? No. But what I am saying,
interestingly enough, because I've been through it. My oldest
brother, who was my main abuser, his name is Brian. Y'all
my husband's name is Brian. And I remember one day saying to the
Lord, like, you couldn't have sent me someone without the name
Brian. Like why? Why does he have to have the name Brian?
See, this is how God and I like I literally talked to God like
this. And this is what God said to me. Bethany, I'm gonna redeem
the name Brian for you. That's literally sincerely you all
immediately. That's what I heard. And I'm grateful for
that. Because a name means something you all and I didn't
want to avoid someone Yeah, Brian can't change his name.
That's right. He can't, you know. And so I know people that
literally won't swipe on people, even though they have a good
profile because of their name. Okay, real real stuff. This is
real stuff. Here's the last one. Never will I ever date a man of
a certain age because your ex was a certain age. Maybe some of
you dated in a certain age range. And now you just like,
No, I'm not dating. Or like what we've had happened a lot. And
this might be, you know, hit home for some people in here
too. Um, you know, especially with widows who have lost their
spouse, they are afraid to date anyone older than them at all.
Because they've already gone through losing their spouse. And
so they're terrified of losing their spouse. Here's the truth
you all Brian is only two years older than me. He's had a lot of
medical things throughout his life. He had some things happen
literally a year and a half after we got married. Do you
think I wasn't scared that something was going to happen to
him? It can happen at any age you all not that we were not
believing for those things. But I just want you all to not be
like, base it on a certain age that that age is going to
determine that because that's not truth. Remember what we
partner with what we believe we become and what we attract. Okay,
so we really have to guard our minds and take authority over
this stuff. Okay, awesome. So you guys are going to write those
lists out and then you're going to come in the group and you're
going to share them with us. And the coaches myself and the other
two ladies, Andrea and Kelly Stotler are going to be giving
you some coaching feedback on some of those because some of
you all have some want some doozies and I want you to be
honest, share them with us, because you may not even
realize that's going to be a signal to healing that you need.
Okay, deal. All right. Awesome. Catherine, I would love to hear
what you have to say.
Yes, for me, and I and I love how like, God's really been
working through me this school year. And this hard work, it
amazes me and everything. And I guess like I really been
reflecting a lot plus the school year's ending. So I think about
how my students have grown, how my son's grown to. Yeah. And I
started off like, at the very, very, very beginning of hard
work of, wow, the fact that my son's father made wedding vows
till death do us part, and he didn't keep them totally
demolished and ruined my life to now I'm at the point that the
only thing that bothers me about
But it is how it affects my son.
That's it.
And the fact that we have to be like 220 something miles away because I could not
afford the cost of living on long Island.
And, um, and I know right off the bat, I know what non-negotiables I would, I, in
my case, I would need a man that's willing to live in New York because I had to
promise I'll keep him in New York so that I could get in writing.
I could leave long Island, New York.
But I also made that promise because in the education field, I know, and even
healthcare wise and OPWDD, meaning services for him and job coaching and
any possible thing you can need.
We got great stuff for that in New York.
So I could make that promise to him.
But right now, like, I think I'm at the stage in my heart work about, well, how
do I help him navigate this?
Because I see him, like he's got a phone.
I did give him a phone this year.
I know he's only in second grade, but he's actually very responsible with it.
He'll video chat his dad.
He'll call him Hill and that helps, but I can tell it really bothers him.
So I'm hurting because he's hurting.
And I'm like, trying to think of how best to help him.
Help him do the hard work.
So you teach him what you've been learning, excuse me, on his level.
So we encourage you all get a Jesus cares board out, help him learn how to create
his own.
So he would write his own little notes on there with his own little handwriting
of what does he want to give to Jesus?
So if he wants to put his dad on the Jesus cares board, you know, then he
would, he would know that Jesus cares about his relationship with his dad.
Um, and you all those simple things, teaching our kids or even siblings or
people like, you know, I know it can be tough sometimes to be vulnerable with
people, not remember, you're going to choose with safe people.
This is different with our kids.
She can share with them, but just like you may want to open up at some point and
share like some things you put on your Jesus cares board that God's already
answering or he's responding to her.
You're just like, Hey, I was struggling with this today.
And I just felt led to put it on my Jesus cares board.
People are going to be like, what, what's a Jesus cares board?
And they're going to ask you, but teaching our kids how to do that, man,
think of the skill that they're going to learn at a young age to develop what we
have been working on as adults.
Right.
And so I would encourage you to do that, Catherine, in his own way.
I mean, he'll, he'll learn how to apply that.
I mean, we just had, um, third, fourth and fifth graders that we brought over
from this elementary school this year.
Um, which I know you said your son's a little bit younger, but we're considering
bringing the younger grades over this year because these kids, I'll tell you
what, they pick up Bible, they pick up truth really, really effectively.
Um, and so, yeah, I think that that is, is really important and know that,
um, you know, God cares about the pain that you're feeling for your son too.
And he wants to heal your son and help him learn how to thrive just
like he's teaching you how to thrive.
You know?
Yeah.
And then that also explains to how I felt prompted.
Like for me, I bought myself a copy of the heartwork book on Kindle on Amazon
Kindle, but I felt prompted to buy a hard copy of the book and that's going to be.
That's my son's book.
I say, that's what I bought him that.
And as he gets bigger and like, I know Jackie said, it's easy
enough for a fifth grader to read.
And I didn't realize how I just got to teach him the composition, but I didn't
realize, man, his sight word reading is above grade level, totally above grade
level.
So it's just the amount of getting him to understand, but then write the
visuals, the, and that's where I can show him.
I can just a lot of visuals and I can show him it, but otherwise he can
read a lot of word decoding them.
It's amazing.
Sometimes just so you all know, sometimes what I'll do, like when I build
children's lessons for church is I'll take a concept and just do research on
how to break it down for like a second grader to understand.
Like I'll just do research that if I, if I don't know how to do it myself, I
pull from the knowledge of other people.
Um, and then I did, I do tend to use visuals and pictures cause kids like can
read, can hear and seeing helps them connect even more.
Um, so we'll be praying for you about that.
Catherine, keep us posted on how he's doing.
What is your son's first name again?
I don't remember.
Jacob.
I actually named him after Abraham's grandson.
That was definitely on purpose.
Let me just pray for Jacob right now.
Okay.
Jacob father, we just thank you so much for Jacob.
We thank you for Catherine and all the work that she's been
putting in with the heartwork.
God, we just ask you to surround Jacob and lift him up and encourage him.
We ask you to heal his heart from just the brokenness of.
Seeing his dad and his mom not being together, Lord, I pray that you would just be with him when,
Lord, in the nighttime, in the daytime, that you would just sense your presence. And I just thank
you, God, that you'll give Catherine creative ideas of how to help him understand the heartwork
and to know that Jesus loves him and that he can trust God to take care of all of his needs,
all of his cares, and that you see him in every moment. In Jesus' name. Amen. Actually,
I just thought of something, Catherine. I'm going to look it up real quick. I just bought this
because I've been in buying some books to start stocking up for whatever age foster kids we get.
So I've been buying a couple of different things. And I just bought this one that I absolutely,
I read it the other night. I was like teary-eyed. I was crying. It was so sweet. Hold on one second.
It's called Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado. Oh, wow. And I like him. He's good too.
Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado. It was not super expensive. You could maybe even
find it at a resale place for books. But the story that is told in this, it's just really,
really beautiful to help kids understand how special they are and how much God loves them.
So just a little, if you want to check that out, totally up to you. And for anyone else,
if you're looking for a good book to help your kid understand their identity and their value,
it's really beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Catherine. Amanda, go ahead.
So something that came to me while you were talking, like I was thinking, I have a whole
list of people. I have probably receipts of people who I feel like have broken promises.
But the one that resonated the most to me, so as I'm going through the heart work, I've also
done some deeper counseling as well, because I knew that there were some more things that I really
needed to work through. I needed some help processing through. And one of the counselors
mentioned to me a distrust that I have with myself. Like I was talking about the distrust
that I was having with individuals, and there was a common theme. And so it reminded me tonight,
Holy Spirit just kind of reminded me that there's promises that I've broken to myself
that have kept me in cycles and patterns.
So times when I knew like discernment would come in or intuition would come in,
whatever you'd want to call it, the Holy Spirit blocking, but I kept patterns going.
There would be times where I would say, I'm not going to do that. There's one specific promise
that I made to myself back in 2019 that I broke. And because I broke that promise,
I'm dealing with a really, really difficult situation right now. And it's because I broke
a promise to myself. And it's kind of like one of those, you know what, it was a situationship.
I knew that once the door closed, I knew that I needed to keep it closed. And I did it.
Yeah. And I think that's like what you're getting to at the core, it kind of goes back with what I
was even saying earlier about the girl's dad. Like even with him, like he always was trying
to get me to go against my values and not like do the things that I knew that like I was committed
to waiting until marriage. And like, he was just always trying to get me to go against those things
I had already said. And that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to get me to go against my
those things I had already said. Another example is even like when I first met him,
because what I went through and the loss of my stepson, I told him, I don't want to meet like,
I don't want to meet your daughters for at least six months. Like I literally said that out of my
mouth multiple times. But then what he started doing is he would send me videos of his little
girls. We can't wait to meet you. Well, that just because I was not healed enough from my stepson,
man, that just like totally pulled at my, but see, he was doing that manipulatively. I 100%
know that. And so, um, hindsight, obviously I've learned a lot, but, um, I caved and literally
you all, I said, six months, you want to know how quick I met those girls? It was like three weeks.
And so then, you know, as I kept getting more and more caught up with the girls again, I don't,
it's not their fault. That was me. I chose to go against my own thing. And he was pushing that
kind of agenda, if you will. Well, so then I was just mad at myself internally the whole time
we dated, because if I had not, I really believe this with all my
my heart. And again, I love those girls. I'm so glad I have
those relationships. But if I had not gone against that, I
don't think I would have dated him past six months. I really
don't think I would have because I saw so much in that first six
months. If I hadn't got the girls caught up in that, I think
I would have made a totally different choice. But so let's
talk about this. So where do you tend to distrust yourself the
most? So I think a lot of times like I, I will have this war
within myself. Like, am I really hearing from the Lord? Or is it
like, what is reality? What is fiction? What is my dream world?
Because I'm a dreamer. And I am like, I romanticize things like
where am I romanticizing things? Where am I fantasizing about
things? And where is it? Reality? Okay, so here's a key
for you. So I used to do that a lot too. And so one of the
things I learned was to start paying attention to when my
fantasy or romanticizing starts to kick in what's triggering
that. And I had to do a lot of work on what started that to
begin with in me. So when I was a kid, and I was going through
all that abuse and all that bad stuff, I would just like I can
literally even remember sitting in my backyard in the sun just
like dreaming I was somewhere else. And so it's not a bad
thing. I have a very vivid imagination. I think that's why
I can hear the Lord the way I do. But I also see like how,
again, like totally what you're saying, like even with their dad,
I remember the first time I drove up to his house, and I was
like, he has a nice house. I got all excited. I like started
just dreaming about us having that place together. Like the
first time I went to his house, and I'm already thinking about
all this stuff, right? Well, little did I know he was like
upside down so bad in that house. Right. But see, I had
fantasized about it so much that I wasn't paying attention to
reality when it was right in front of me. So when you're
looking at that, I really want to encourage you to ask the
Lord, when did you first start fantasizing romanticizing to
escape reality? And really love on that little girl Amanda,
because you did that for a purpose. And that purpose hat
was like your protective mechanism, your survival mode. I
just did a training on Saturday about like trauma informed
therapy for kids. And so often kids will do that kind of
stuff, because they're just trying to survive. And so
whatever you were trying to survive, again, that that's not
something to be upset with yourself about. So maybe even
that, like forgiving yourself for the times that you have
romanticized or fantasized. And that led you down paths that
didn't end up helping you, but they ended up hurting you. Just
forgiving yourself for that. Because again, that was
something you learn to do to protect yourself. And so giving
that grace to yourself for giving yourself for those
things and really loving on the little Amanda. And honestly,
just saying I understand why. But letting I know this might
sound a little silly, but like letting little Amanda know that
you don't need to do that anymore, because you're safe
now. Because again, like, even though we're adults, like we
have to acknowledge that this stuff happened, and that we
created these mechanisms to survive. And, you know, when we
don't need that stuff anymore, acknowledging the hurt that led
us there and loving on that person back then, again, creates
that convergence where the younger self heals and merges
with the adult self, which causes the adult to heal more.
That makes sense. Yeah. And so, and I really feel that giving
yourself that grace and really forgiving yourself. You know,
because I don't know if this resonates for you. But you know,
sometimes when we do this stuff, we can really beat ourselves up,
especially when it leads us into unhealthy dynamics and
situations kind of like what you were talking about before. And
so if you've been hard on yourself because of it, I even
want you to kind of think about some of those times and forgive
yourself for them. And as you do that, I think you're going to
start to feel some freedom. I think you'll start to feel kind
of some separation in between it. It doesn't mean you won't
still have an imagination or you won't ever struggle with that
again. But I think you'll start to sense that difference, where
when that tries to kick in, you'll you'll kind of like, Oh,
okay, no, that's not what the Lord is saying right now.
this is what is real and this is what God is saying and I'm not going to ignore that
flag that I recognize, right? Yeah, I think I've been sensing that a little bit more
because I feel like there's been things that I've journaled about and then
people have spoken into my life like spiritual leaders or just people from church or whatever
have really just God has used them to speak directly into what I have written about.
So things that even from sometimes the class, sometimes the coaching and stuff like things
that the Lord has been putting in my heart has just come out here as well, you know what I mean?
So that's another way to say, okay, like that was real. Like that wasn't just the imagination. I
didn't just draw this picture. I just didn't just have the scripture. I didn't just put these
numbers out here that just, they resonated with me. This was a scripture that was referenced here
or this was somebody mentioned it here. There is a connection that comes there together. So
that's also helping in those things too that the Lord is really helping me see, okay,
here's where you can bridge the difference. Here's what you can sense because I'll prove it to you.
I'll give you some confirmation. Yes. So good. And I love hearing that you're getting additional
counseling during this time and you listened. Okay. So even though you said, I distrust myself,
sometimes you trusted that you needed additional support and you acted on that and that's helping
you. And I just want you to see that win and celebrate that because you doing that is actually
growing your ability to trust yourself. Yeah. Way to go. I love it. Thank you. Good to see you
tonight. Rachel, go ahead. I am almost done. I've got one last assignment on my heart work
and I've been stalling for, I don't know, maybe even a couple months going into phase two.
And so I guess I just am looking for some input on
or encouragement. I don't know if I need to stay in heart work or if I'm good to go and I'm just
stalling because I'm afraid of the next phase. Yeah. So that was going to be my question for
you. So what's the last thing you have to do? What's the one thing that you still have left?
It's the list of the non-negotiables. It's not the never will I ever, but it's the list.
Okay. And so when you try to do that, what is something coming up negative that you're hearing?
Are you afraid to not do it right? Are you afraid to just move forward? And so like,
what are some of the things that you're hearing in your spirit regarding even moving forward?
I think I'm I don't think that the problem is the list. I think that I'm not, it's the last task.
And so I'm avoiding it because it's the last task. And I have had like the past few months have been
super busy and I haven't been able to, you know, come online even, you know, and that's reasonable.
I know that part is, is real, but I've been, my schedule changed a few weeks ago. I could be done,
you know, this is. So tell me what are, what is, what are you afraid of in phase two?
I'm afraid of going back into dating again. Dating's really scary for me.
Tell me why, why is dating scary?
I'm afraid of rejection, which is normal. You know, that's not fun. I'm also afraid of
the dating process isn't, isn't fun. I struggle with that. And maybe that's stuff that you,
you know, we would deal with in phase two, like the thing, maybe the things that I'm struggling
with are the very reasons I need to be in phase two. Well, and so I will let everyone know. So
phase two, just because you go into phase two, doesn't mean you have to date automatically
right away. Now we do issue a dating challenge for anybody that feels.
to do it. No one's going to force you to date. You're going to learn, and I'm not going to
go into explaining it tonight because you guys will learn this in phase two, but I just
want you to all hear this. You're going to learn a new way to approach dating. It's called
levels of relationship. We coach on it. It's effective. It's a really good kind of guideline.
It's not a rule system. It's just a guideline to help everyone date and show up differently
than what they learned from society, even from churches. And when people apply it, it
really does work. And so one of the things that stood out to me is, and I get it, I understand
why, afraid of rejection. We all face, you know, like even we will say, okay, this guy
isn't for me. We're going to bless and move on or whatever. But the reality is if we go
into it already believing we're going to get rejected, remember, we got to look at what's
causing us to show up in that heart posture. Yeah. Is it just because we got rejected before
or is it that we're still needing some healing regarding rejection? Now, do you need to stay
in phase one for that? No, because you're going to get heartwork done all the way through our
program. We have a lot of heartwork still that will, um, prompts and things. Our coaches in
phase two have been trained in the heartwork modalities and principles. Um, Carla in phase
two is one of our success stories as well. Like she's been through the program. She was actually
in the same group as me. Ebony has also been in our community for a long time. Just, we have a
lot of knowledgeable people and they've done work, they've been coaching. Um, and so they're,
they're really going to be able to help you learn how to apply what you're learning when you're
ready. And until you get ready, they can coach you on other things, even just getting over the
fears of dating and all of that stuff you talked about. But I really want to encourage you to look
at, um, what I'm hearing in my spirit is actually look at what is the dialogue you hear when you,
like in your mind, get rejected, like really allowing God to heal the story you're telling
yourself. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. So for example, um, I, uh, the first guy I dated,
um, when I started dating again, he actually was from the community. Nice guy. Um, and I enjoyed
myself going on a couple of dates. Um, but I do remember thinking like this guy kind of seems
boring, but I kept kind of like telling myself I should just like him because he's from the community
and he's safe. And, you know, I don't have to go out in the scary world and date somebody,
you know? Um, and I was kind of having this side conversation. Well, it ended up, he ended up saying
to me that he didn't think like, God told him we should just be friends. He didn't think we should
date. And, but then he wanted to like, keep talking like in hanging out on zoom and stuff.
And, and so it was just really an interesting dynamic, but, um, ended up blessing him.
But I did say like, Hey, like I'm looking for my spirit mate. And if I'm spending time on zoom or
anything, talking to you, well, that space that I'm not then open for my spirit mates. So, you
know, I bless you. Thank you so much for being honest with me, even though this is hard, you
know, I, I agree with you and, um, but I need to keep that space open for my spirit mates. So,
you know, I'm not going to be meeting with you on zoom. Um, and so that stuff I learned in the
program. Um, and so I applied what I learned and I'm really glad I did because that guy
struggles with the same thing over and over. He's still struggling with it.
He's not ready to commit with women and then he wants them to just be friends with him.
So he's in this cycle. Well, I'm glad I didn't get caught in that cycle. Right. And so, um, he
was a really nice guy. Um, and again, I don't fault him for that. There's a reason he's in that
cycle. So I'm praying for him that he gets that cycle. So, you know, the reason I'm using that as
an example is because when he told me that God told him that we weren't like, we were just meant
to be friends. Do you think I didn't feel rejected? Yeah, of course I did. But here's the thing.
I had an opportunity to just partner with I'm rejected or I could partner with I'm God defended
and God has someone better for me. I have a choice. You will have a choice too. Yeah. If I partnered
with, Oh, I'm just rejected. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, but the reality is when I
partnered with, you know, he was a nice guy. I'm so glad I had that practice. He was a good guy to
go on my first date with a couple of days with, cause he was a gentleman. I wasn't afraid, you
know, and I really.
started just being super thankful for the experiences that I had. Well, that fueled me
to like not partner with rejection. You see? Yeah. Because I started partnering with all the benefits
of the interaction, even on in interactions. I tell this and joke around about this story,
but I had this guy that I talked to briefly just via text and stuff. I never ended up meeting him
in person, which I'm super glad I didn't, but I was messaging him. And one night he sent me
a message that was like, he was sending me pictures of like, you know, his motorcycle
and then his parents with his motorcycle and all this stuff. And at first it was cool. Okay.
But then he just kind of was like sending me all these photos. Well, then the next thing I know,
he says, do you want to see a pic of my wiener? Let legit you all. And I was instantly fuming
and I was like, excuse me. And I'm sure he knew, you know, cause then what he ends up sending me
is a picture of a, a little like, um, wiener dog, hot dog costume, trying to act like he wasn't
saying what he was saying. And so, but I knew like, I knew that was God revealing to me who
this guy was very quickly. Well, you all, I like ended up like kind of shutting that down and we
had a session that night. So I got on our session for the community. And when I got off my phone
had so many messages from him, it was ridiculous. And the guy just like lost it. Um, so all that to
say, you know, you're, we're going to have negative experiences too, but the reality is, do you know
what I learned out of that? I noticed the red flags and I didn't blow past them. So like, again,
like not that I, that wasn't a rejection scenario, but do you see even in that, like, I could have
been like, Oh my God, that was the worst experience ever, which it was very uncomfortable, but now
it's a really funny story that I can tell. And how many other ladies like, Hey, if a guy asks you,
if you want to see a pic of his wiener, he means it. No, you don't want to see that, you know?
But the reality is, is I learned that I could pay attention to red flags and I can find myself
and set healthy boundaries. Even when the guy continued to try to blow up my phone, I can block
him. I blessed him. I'm like, we're done block him. Uh, you know, again, I see growth in myself.
So you, I think can do the same thing. So, you know, some of the things, the last thing I'll
give you, and this is for everybody. I was listening. I was watching a show this afternoon,
but I was thinking of myself, even like this lady was sharing how, interestingly enough,
she adopted her son and she was talking to her son in this scenario. And she said that
her husband really wanted to adopt, but she was actually not really sure in the beginning. And
he was like, what? I can't even imagine that she was such a good mom. And so the mom and the son
are having this conversation. And she said, yeah, here's the thing. I learned that I, even though I
was scared that I can do things afraid. That's good. Right. And it is good. It's a good reminder.
I think the reality is so many of us, we feel fear and we automatically think that means we have to
stop. But the reality, the truth is that God says, be strong and have good courage.
Know that I've gone before you. He's with us. Yeah. So I would pray every time, like in the
beginning, you know, this is, again, this is how I learned in the beginning. I didn't pray every
time before I would get on, you know, and try to talk to people. But as I went, I sure enough,
I did pray. Thank you so much that you're going to help me interact with good people. You're going
to help me to, you know, really recognize things quickly. And I just started praying all the time
over my interactions and God honored that. He really did. Yeah. So Rachel, you've got this,
you can totally, okay, we're going to hold you accountable. Okay. I think you can, you can get
this thing done this week. I think I can. Yeah, you can. And we won't be upset with you if you
don't. Okay. But I think you can do it. And I think you can go ahead and take that leap
and get into phase two and experience the teaching and the lessons there and the amazing coaches,
and just keep giving yourself permission to grow as you go. Okay. Okay. You're growing as you're
going. It doesn't have to have it all figured out right now. Right. Yeah. Good. I appreciate it.
You're welcome. God loves you. He has good things for you ladies. This has been an incredible night.
It's been an honor to be here with you. I'm going to go ahead and pray and close us out.
If you have questions about anything that I talked about tonight, or you're just really struggling
around the promise that was broken, you know, that someone broke the promise to you.
I really want to encourage you to come in the group and talk to us about it, okay?
We want to help you work through that, and we're praying for you.
Father, thank you so much for your goodness.
Yes, Lord, I just thank you that you would breathe life into every broken promise,
that you would breathe healing.
There's an old song that just came up in my spirit about healing rain is coming down.
Michael W. Smith, I think, is who sang that.
God, I thank you that the healing rain is still surrounding us.
We ask you just to wash into every crevice, Lord, where there's, you know,
things that have gotten dammed up because of brokenness or pain from the past.
God, we just ask you to remove all the debris, God,
and that you would just help the river of living water to flow through us
to remove any, yeah, just the chaff and the things that hinder us, God.
We thank you that you would draw us closer to your heart, to your love,
to the revelation of who you are in all the ways, God, that you're working in our lives.
God, open our eyes to what we couldn't even see today earlier.
Help us to see things more clearly tonight and in the days to come, God,
that you would just help us to see, God, how you've been with us all along.
You've been protecting us. You've been defending us, God,
and that at times you set up the baby gates so that we don't harm ourselves, God.
But no matter what, even when we go against what you're saying to us in the spirit,
like you're saying, don't go that way, and we still do.
God, your graces and your mercy are sufficient,
and we're so grateful for your mercy that is new every day.
Help us to forgive ourselves.
Help us to settle, you know, accounts, so to speak, with the past
and move forward to see all the good plans unfold before us in the days to come.
In Jesus' name, amen. God bless you all.
We'll see you in the group, everyone. Have a good night. Bye-bye.
Bye. Have a good night.
Bye.