WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.280 This is my favorite. 2 00:00:02.280 --> 00:00:03.480 You're right. 3 00:00:03.480 --> 00:00:04.880 I'm looking at your last name. 4 00:00:04.880 --> 00:00:07.680 Your last name stands out to me more than your first name. 5 00:00:07.680 --> 00:00:08.480 Does it? 6 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:09.920 It's Rosales, right? 7 00:00:09.920 --> 00:00:10.480 Yeah. 8 00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:11.560 Yes, ma'am. 9 00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:13.960 Yes, it could be a little dark in my background, 10 00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:16.160 but I've been doing a lot of coaching today. 11 00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:19.480 And so the light from the screen, my computer, 12 00:00:19.480 --> 00:00:23.440 is really, I'll be looking like this if I didn't cut it out. 13 00:00:23.440 --> 00:00:26.320 So I decided to turn it out. 14 00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:28.720 Hey, so Kim, iPhone 14. 15 00:00:28.720 --> 00:00:32.000 Is this your first time with us? 16 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:34.720 Yeah? 17 00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:35.840 OK, good. 18 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:40.280 So did you just come over to phase two or? 19 00:00:40.280 --> 00:00:41.040 Oh, good. 20 00:00:41.040 --> 00:00:42.600 Well, welcome, welcome, welcome. 21 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:44.480 We're so happy to have you. 22 00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:46.360 You can unmute if you want to respond. 23 00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:50.880 You don't have to if you don't want to. 24 00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:52.320 OK. 25 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:55.320 So that's everybody else's first. 26 00:00:55.320 --> 00:00:57.000 Nobody else, this is your first time. 27 00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:57.600 Is that right? 28 00:00:59.080 --> 00:01:02.200 No, hey, Miss Bunny. 29 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:04.519 Hey, look, my numbers have been down 30 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:07.320 because we're in competition with Jackie's book club, right? 31 00:01:07.320 --> 00:01:10.520 They meet all the time. 32 00:01:10.520 --> 00:01:12.120 That's what everybody is. 33 00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:14.400 It's usually about 38, 40 people. 34 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:15.800 But the book club is going on. 35 00:01:15.800 --> 00:01:18.120 Hey, Karen. 36 00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:22.640 Yeah, so Kim, this is your first time coming over to phase two. 37 00:01:22.640 --> 00:01:25.680 I hope you enjoyed hard work. 38 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.680 Yeah, you did good, good. 39 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:29.920 Well, this is the part of your journey 40 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:34.680 where you get to put it all to use through dating. 41 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:40.400 And I'm excited to do this journey with you. 42 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:42.960 It's encouraged that you watch at least one video a week 43 00:01:42.960 --> 00:01:45.920 and post your aha moments, share anything you have. 44 00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:50.080 There's no requirement for you to watch a video 45 00:01:50.080 --> 00:01:51.240 before you come to coaching. 46 00:01:51.240 --> 00:01:52.520 It doesn't work that way. 47 00:01:52.520 --> 00:01:55.160 This coaching session is about us learning and growing 48 00:01:55.160 --> 00:01:56.320 together. 49 00:01:56.360 --> 00:01:58.840 And it could be family, work. 50 00:01:58.840 --> 00:01:59.800 It doesn't matter. 51 00:01:59.800 --> 00:02:01.840 This session is for us all. 52 00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:05.360 And so I think I've already recorded. 53 00:02:05.360 --> 00:02:06.440 I'm super excited. 54 00:02:06.440 --> 00:02:07.400 Let's pray, ladies. 55 00:02:07.400 --> 00:02:10.759 I thank you, Father God, for every one of these ladies. 56 00:02:10.759 --> 00:02:12.240 I thank you for their journeys. 57 00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:16.080 If they haven't heard it today or yesterday or any day 58 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:18.280 before that, your eyes are upon them 59 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:21.720 and you have a finished work in mind, and it's called marriage. 60 00:02:21.720 --> 00:02:24.120 I thank you that he who began a great work in them 61 00:02:24.120 --> 00:02:25.680 is faithful to complete it. 62 00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:28.280 I thank you, Lord, that we get to intercede on their behalf 63 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:29.960 and to declare over them that they 64 00:02:29.960 --> 00:02:33.440 are part of a kingdom revival of marriages, God. 65 00:02:33.440 --> 00:02:35.400 And so I thank you, Lord God, that you 66 00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:37.160 are a great matchmaker, that you know 67 00:02:37.160 --> 00:02:39.760 how to put us where we need to be, when we need to be. 68 00:02:39.760 --> 00:02:42.320 I thank you, Lord God, that there is a spec to end, 69 00:02:42.320 --> 00:02:45.080 for the Bible says that you make all things beautiful 70 00:02:45.080 --> 00:02:48.560 in its time, and their story is no different. 71 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:50.760 So we declare beautiful love stories 72 00:02:50.760 --> 00:02:52.560 made perfect in its time. 73 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:55.520 In Jesus' name, amen. 74 00:02:56.440 --> 00:02:57.680 Amen. 75 00:02:57.680 --> 00:02:58.680 I like that prayer. 76 00:02:58.680 --> 00:02:59.720 I need some more light in there. 77 00:02:59.720 --> 00:03:00.920 It's like I can't see y'all. 78 00:03:00.920 --> 00:03:03.080 I had to open up the windows and let the light in. 79 00:03:03.080 --> 00:03:04.440 Still, it's hurting my eyes. 80 00:03:04.440 --> 00:03:05.840 Let me try another light. 81 00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:06.340 Ah. 82 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:18.320 Has the glory of the Lord ascended upon me? 83 00:03:18.320 --> 00:03:21.480 No, I'm just kidding. 84 00:03:21.480 --> 00:03:22.320 It's just a joke. 85 00:03:22.320 --> 00:03:25.000 OK. 86 00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:27.600 So you know that Jackie is starting another book club. 87 00:03:27.600 --> 00:03:29.560 So if you weren't able to get in the first one, 88 00:03:29.560 --> 00:03:32.280 she's going to host another one. 89 00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:33.760 Some people have asked about it. 90 00:03:33.760 --> 00:03:35.360 You'll be able to join that book club. 91 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:36.280 It is a lot of fun. 92 00:03:36.280 --> 00:03:37.160 The book is amazing. 93 00:03:37.160 --> 00:03:38.680 If you haven't got it, you should. 94 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:40.320 All of Jackie's books are amazing. 95 00:03:40.320 --> 00:03:42.120 They're easy to read. 96 00:03:42.120 --> 00:03:44.120 And they just have so much goodness 97 00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:45.880 stored up on the inside of them. 98 00:03:45.880 --> 00:03:48.240 And so it's like having Jackie on demand right 99 00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:49.680 in front of you in a book. 100 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:52.160 I don't know about y'all, but I've 101 00:03:52.160 --> 00:03:53.480 been knowing Jackie for a while. 102 00:03:53.480 --> 00:03:56.520 And I don't ever get tired of hearing her. 103 00:03:56.520 --> 00:03:57.800 I don't know how that is. 104 00:03:57.800 --> 00:04:00.400 I can watch the same videos that you all watch. 105 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:01.720 I watch them over and over. 106 00:04:01.720 --> 00:04:03.880 And it's just like, I don't know. 107 00:04:03.880 --> 00:04:05.880 It's about that truth that you get. 108 00:04:05.880 --> 00:04:07.680 It's like it hits you again. 109 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:09.520 And that's why I want to practice 110 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:11.960 declaring truth over you guys as often as we 111 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:14.080 meet because you need it, right? 112 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:16.040 Because when you walk away from this community, 113 00:04:16.040 --> 00:04:18.660 everything around you is not screaming the same message 114 00:04:18.660 --> 00:04:19.480 that we are. 115 00:04:19.480 --> 00:04:22.320 And it does you well to hear this message over and over 116 00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:25.760 again until you become the message itself. 117 00:04:25.760 --> 00:04:27.920 And so it takes hearing it. 118 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.360 It takes to keep your hopes up and to believe 119 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:32.040 that this thing is to be. 120 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:35.000 It takes a constant hearing and seeing of it. 121 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:37.960 And so we're convinced that God writes the best love story 122 00:04:37.960 --> 00:04:40.840 because we've seen over 1,600 marriages and engagements. 123 00:04:40.840 --> 00:04:43.000 So I have a reason to be convinced that he does. 124 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:45.040 Even if it doesn't show up, I still 125 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:48.120 believe because I've seen it too many times not to believe it. 126 00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:49.520 You know what I'm saying? 127 00:04:49.520 --> 00:04:50.280 Yeah. 128 00:04:50.280 --> 00:04:52.000 So great, great. 129 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:54.000 Cindy, is this your first time with us? 130 00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:57.880 No. 131 00:04:57.880 --> 00:05:01.440 Sorry, I've been having some internet connections. 132 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.800 Okay, okay, well good, so good to have you. 133 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:07.100 Esther Grace, you're welcome. 134 00:05:07.100 --> 00:05:09.100 Esther Grace, I don't think this is your first time 135 00:05:09.100 --> 00:05:11.920 based on your last name, is it? 136 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:14.580 It is not, well, my first time was last week. 137 00:05:14.580 --> 00:05:17.960 Okay, okay, good, good, so where do you live? 138 00:05:18.900 --> 00:05:21.620 I am in Berkeley, California. 139 00:05:21.620 --> 00:05:24.660 I'm an MBA student here at Cal. 140 00:05:26.460 --> 00:05:28.260 Yeah, I'm excited. 141 00:05:28.260 --> 00:05:30.620 How nice, this is great, so you're on a campus 142 00:05:30.620 --> 00:05:32.500 with plenty of men, we should have no problem 143 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:34.100 getting you married soon, right? 144 00:05:35.260 --> 00:05:36.460 I don't know about that. 145 00:05:38.340 --> 00:05:41.860 I do, give me, I can send you out, we'll get you done. 146 00:05:41.860 --> 00:05:44.060 You should, you could be racking up them dates 147 00:05:44.060 --> 00:05:47.380 left and right, huh, all right. 148 00:05:47.380 --> 00:05:49.580 You got plenty of men, and based on your picture, 149 00:05:49.580 --> 00:05:52.740 you look beautiful, so we shouldn't have much issues, huh? 150 00:05:52.740 --> 00:05:54.540 No, I think you have an issue. 151 00:05:54.660 --> 00:05:58.660 Ah, I'm just trying to build up your strength, 152 00:05:58.660 --> 00:06:01.340 build up your faith, and remind you of truth. 153 00:06:01.340 --> 00:06:03.460 It is true, take it all. 154 00:06:03.460 --> 00:06:05.580 All right, so we're gonna get started 155 00:06:05.580 --> 00:06:09.340 because tonight, I talk 12 p.m., can you believe it? 156 00:06:09.340 --> 00:06:12.260 I filled in for Carla at 12 p.m., 157 00:06:12.260 --> 00:06:15.460 and so I'm really excited about the teaching on tonight. 158 00:06:15.460 --> 00:06:17.700 And one of the reasons why I am excited 159 00:06:17.700 --> 00:06:20.140 is because there are two top questions 160 00:06:20.140 --> 00:06:23.220 that everybody in this program asks. 161 00:06:23.860 --> 00:06:25.020 We ask some of the same questions, 162 00:06:25.020 --> 00:06:27.780 but I believe the two top ones are this. 163 00:06:27.780 --> 00:06:29.020 When is he coming? 164 00:06:32.420 --> 00:06:36.260 If I thought Miss Bunning knew my date, I'd be asking her. 165 00:06:36.260 --> 00:06:40.420 Everybody is like, but when, but when, when? 166 00:06:40.420 --> 00:06:41.940 I hear you, but when? 167 00:06:41.940 --> 00:06:43.180 And it's like, I did the hard work, 168 00:06:43.180 --> 00:06:45.100 but I thought he was coming right after that. 169 00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:47.380 I thought that Jackie said that when your heart is ready, 170 00:06:47.380 --> 00:06:50.700 then nothing's gonna stop you, but when, but when? 171 00:06:50.740 --> 00:06:53.220 So you know, you guys came into the program, 172 00:06:53.220 --> 00:06:54.420 it was called Last Year Single, 173 00:06:54.420 --> 00:06:55.580 but when I was in the program, 174 00:06:55.580 --> 00:06:57.740 it was called Married in 12 Months or Less. 175 00:06:59.100 --> 00:07:01.940 I'm still looking at the calendar, but when? 176 00:07:01.940 --> 00:07:03.500 But it's Married in 12 Months or Less 177 00:07:03.500 --> 00:07:05.140 of meeting your spirit mate, 178 00:07:05.140 --> 00:07:06.860 that you will be prepared in a way 179 00:07:06.860 --> 00:07:08.620 that once you got the ball rolling, 180 00:07:09.940 --> 00:07:11.820 within a year, you should be married 181 00:07:11.820 --> 00:07:14.340 because you're healthy, you have the capacity, 182 00:07:14.340 --> 00:07:15.340 so on and so forth. 183 00:07:15.340 --> 00:07:17.540 So one of the top questions is, 184 00:07:17.540 --> 00:07:20.540 when is my Amazon package coming? 185 00:07:21.380 --> 00:07:23.380 And then the second one is, 186 00:07:23.380 --> 00:07:26.820 how do I hold on until the promise comes? 187 00:07:27.980 --> 00:07:29.500 Will you agree that that will probably be 188 00:07:29.500 --> 00:07:30.580 your next question? 189 00:07:31.420 --> 00:07:33.340 That if I don't have you at the altar, 190 00:07:33.340 --> 00:07:37.380 many times we say, okay, how do I make it through this? 191 00:07:37.380 --> 00:07:38.940 After you've done, you got excited, 192 00:07:38.940 --> 00:07:41.300 got on the abs, got shot down, 193 00:07:41.300 --> 00:07:42.940 realized you was swimming with sharks, 194 00:07:42.940 --> 00:07:45.140 had a couple of ouches and ouch 195 00:07:45.140 --> 00:07:47.260 and heartbreaks and stings, 196 00:07:47.260 --> 00:07:49.700 is how do I even hold on to make it 197 00:07:49.700 --> 00:07:51.500 to the end of this thing? 198 00:07:51.500 --> 00:07:52.700 I need to know. 199 00:07:52.700 --> 00:07:54.900 And you get back on a Saturday live 200 00:07:54.900 --> 00:07:56.620 and Jackie say, get up and do it again, 201 00:07:56.620 --> 00:07:58.740 you jump up and do it again, 202 00:07:58.740 --> 00:07:59.940 get back knocked down, 203 00:07:59.940 --> 00:08:01.380 you jump up and do it again, 204 00:08:01.380 --> 00:08:04.460 you declare some more things, this is it. 205 00:08:04.460 --> 00:08:06.180 Then you can roll around, right? 206 00:08:06.180 --> 00:08:09.700 So it's like, okay, what, how do I hold on? 207 00:08:09.700 --> 00:08:14.020 And so for me, how do I hold on until the promise comes 208 00:08:14.020 --> 00:08:15.460 is a real question. 209 00:08:16.220 --> 00:08:20.460 And it's probably one of the only questions, 210 00:08:20.460 --> 00:08:23.420 not only, but the answer to this question 211 00:08:23.420 --> 00:08:27.100 brings the one thing that all of you ladies desire 212 00:08:27.100 --> 00:08:30.060 and that most people desire, and it's certainty. 213 00:08:31.140 --> 00:08:33.340 And so oftentimes we try to put certainty 214 00:08:33.340 --> 00:08:35.220 in a lot of things. 215 00:08:35.220 --> 00:08:37.620 We try to put certainty in what we feel 216 00:08:37.620 --> 00:08:39.900 like we heard God speak, which is a certain thing. 217 00:08:39.900 --> 00:08:42.580 We try to put certainty in the person that we're dating, 218 00:08:42.580 --> 00:08:44.100 like, okay, I think this is gonna work, 219 00:08:44.100 --> 00:08:45.180 let me settle on something. 220 00:08:45.900 --> 00:08:46.740 Did they check all the boxes? 221 00:08:46.740 --> 00:08:48.260 Okay, I can work with this. 222 00:08:48.260 --> 00:08:51.180 We try to put certainty in a process that's unknown to us 223 00:08:51.180 --> 00:08:53.660 or certainty in the declarations 224 00:08:53.660 --> 00:08:55.500 until it seems like the things that we're declaring 225 00:08:55.500 --> 00:08:57.060 are not coming to pass. 226 00:08:57.060 --> 00:08:59.980 But one thing that we can for sure put certainty in 227 00:08:59.980 --> 00:09:01.140 is perspective. 228 00:09:02.180 --> 00:09:06.180 Perspective is your outlook on something. 229 00:09:06.180 --> 00:09:09.260 And perspective has been the only thing for me, 230 00:09:09.260 --> 00:09:12.140 one of the top things that I have found 231 00:09:12.180 --> 00:09:15.700 to bring me certainty and peace. 232 00:09:15.700 --> 00:09:17.380 And I believe that perspective 233 00:09:17.380 --> 00:09:20.740 will do the same thing for you, okay? 234 00:09:20.740 --> 00:09:23.180 And so tonight, that's what we're gonna talk about. 235 00:09:23.180 --> 00:09:26.340 We're gonna talk about perspective, okay? 236 00:09:26.340 --> 00:09:30.060 Perspective is your viewpoint. 237 00:09:30.060 --> 00:09:32.780 Perspective answers these questions for you. 238 00:09:32.780 --> 00:09:34.060 Who am I? 239 00:09:34.060 --> 00:09:35.420 Where am I going? 240 00:09:35.420 --> 00:09:36.860 And how am I gonna get there? 241 00:09:37.860 --> 00:09:39.180 That's certainty. 242 00:09:39.180 --> 00:09:42.180 Who you are, where you're going, 243 00:09:42.180 --> 00:09:44.140 and how are you gonna get there? 244 00:09:44.140 --> 00:09:47.260 So if I use an example, I am Amanda. 245 00:09:47.260 --> 00:09:49.020 That's who I am. 246 00:09:49.020 --> 00:09:50.740 I am a woman. 247 00:09:50.740 --> 00:09:52.940 I am A, B, C, D, E, F, G. 248 00:09:52.940 --> 00:09:54.740 I am doing this right now, there. 249 00:09:54.740 --> 00:09:55.580 Where am I going? 250 00:09:55.580 --> 00:09:59.220 I'm headed to the altar, okay? 251 00:09:59.220 --> 00:10:00.660 And how am I gonna get there? 252 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.960 There, there we go. That's what everything gets a little blurry at. We thought we were 253 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:10.240 going to get there when the doorbell rang and the Amazon package hit the door, but you found 254 00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:15.760 that it was a lot more work than that. Right? How am I going to get there? And when you can 255 00:10:15.760 --> 00:10:20.480 carve out a plan as to how you're going to get somewhere, you have much more certainty, 256 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:25.120 which hints you have a perspective because you have a viewpoint. Are y'all tracking with me? 257 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:33.360 Yeah. If you're not saying no. All right. So let's get into this. So perspective tells me 258 00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:36.320 who I am, where I am and where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. 259 00:10:39.280 --> 00:10:46.640 Perspective also helps me to prosper. It helps me to live in a place of thriving instead of 260 00:10:46.640 --> 00:10:52.720 surviving because you actually have a plan and you're working your plan. Okay. So it's just not 261 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:59.040 up in the air. It causes you to flourish and grow when you have perspective. You don't feel 262 00:10:59.040 --> 00:11:04.800 defeated all the time. And even if you did feel some defeat, you bounce back up really quickly 263 00:11:04.800 --> 00:11:15.600 because you have perspective. Okay. So now I want you guys to answer a couple of questions for me, 264 00:11:15.600 --> 00:11:20.400 probably more than a couple. It's like six of them, but these six questions are going to be 265 00:11:20.400 --> 00:11:24.800 your guide as we go along through the teachings today. Because like I said tonight, they're really 266 00:11:24.800 --> 00:11:30.720 good. I think they're absolutely amazing. I had to say so myself. All right. So this is the first 267 00:11:30.720 --> 00:11:35.120 question. You can type it in the chat, but you're only going to have a little while to answer it. So 268 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:42.320 don't answer what you would like to answer. Don't answer what sounds good. Answer for you. 269 00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:48.640 The best place you could ever be in life is who you are and where you are, because who you are 270 00:11:48.640 --> 00:11:54.320 and where you are qualifies you for speed and acceleration. But anytime you believe you're 271 00:11:54.320 --> 00:12:00.240 somewhere that you're not, you've already lost speed because you got to come back to the reality 272 00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:06.240 of where you really are and who you really are to even get started. Are you following me? That's 273 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:12.560 some perspective for you. Be who you are, where you are, when I ask you these questions. All right. 274 00:12:12.560 --> 00:12:20.240 First question. What is the purpose or original intent of marriage? Not according to culture, 275 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:25.600 but according to the scripture. You don't even have to quote the scripture. What is the purpose 276 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:35.200 and original intent of marriage? To multiply. Come on. I like that multiplication. Covenant. 277 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:47.360 Let me scroll down. Two is better than one. Hey, that's what I like, friend. One could put a 278 00:12:47.360 --> 00:12:53.280 thousand in flight, but two tens of thousands. We need our twos tens of thousands. Companionship, 279 00:12:53.280 --> 00:13:00.480 not to be alone. Jesus Christ and his bride to create. Sanctification, not good to be alone. 280 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:08.160 All right. The two become one to reflect the fullness of God. Oh, this is such beautiful 281 00:13:08.160 --> 00:13:11.760 answers. I love them, ladies. All right. 282 00:13:17.040 --> 00:13:24.640 Answer this question. No, no. Okay. No, no. Okay. What am I expecting marriage to do for me? 283 00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:30.880 I want to be married because fill in the blank. Or I want marriage because. 284 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:43.200 Unity and family. So beautiful. 285 00:13:55.600 --> 00:14:01.680 Partner, companionship, and life in ministry. Oh, that's so beautiful, Keegan. Family, children, 286 00:14:01.680 --> 00:14:06.240 someone to do life with, share intimate matters of the heart with. I like someone to talk about 287 00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:13.120 my day with and to do things with. Oh, that's so cute. I like it. I want to have a special 288 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:19.360 intimate partnership and build a family. So beautiful. Lavet, you just joined us, 289 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:24.160 but the question is, we're doing a several questions to grow and have someone to do 290 00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:28.320 with A to Z adventures. Come on. Team and friendship going in the same direction. 291 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:35.280 A daily companion, creative partner. The question is, what am I expecting from marriage? So you can 292 00:14:35.280 --> 00:14:43.120 complete the blank. Marriage will do for me, or I want to be married because. My best friend and 293 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:49.680 comfort dime. Okay. All right. Now, of the things that you listed or that you believe, 294 00:14:49.760 --> 00:14:53.760 what are some support, intimacy, and kids? And we're going to need a man for them kids. 295 00:14:53.760 --> 00:14:59.760 You're right, baby. All right. Of the things I listed, what are some of the things that. 296 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.200 I am asking of a companion that only God can do for me 297 00:15:05.560 --> 00:15:10.340 But the things that you've listed or the things that you actually believe what are some things? 298 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:18.960 So an example will be I'm lonely. I want a companion or I want somebody to be in my corner 299 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:24.000 I want somebody to and it's nothing wrong with companionship. There's a natural it's a byproduct of marriage 300 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:32.520 Right, so don't don't think like something is wrong with you wanting marriages for companions. It's a byproduct of companionship 301 00:15:33.880 --> 00:15:39.880 Comfort me at hard times. Yeah, I need support spiritual covering best friend and a playmate. I like playmates 302 00:15:40.800 --> 00:15:42.960 Support I really want my person 303 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:49.280 Help with loneliness comfort and support. I want to understand me and what I need good 304 00:15:49.800 --> 00:15:51.800 And so these things that we're listing 305 00:15:51.920 --> 00:15:59.040 What what are we asking of this marriage that only God can do when I had and why you guys are thinking and posting? I 306 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:06.480 Remember when it was not too long after I came out of came through divorce and all these things that I was walking down the road 307 00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:11.140 And it's probably been about nine years ago now and the Lord said Ebony and I said, yes 308 00:16:11.400 --> 00:16:13.600 He said I may have shared this with you. He said 309 00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:16.760 He showed me this big black pot 310 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:22.380 It's a big black pot and I looked at a big kettle bowl and he said 311 00:16:23.040 --> 00:16:24.760 your husband 312 00:16:24.760 --> 00:16:32.440 Which would been past tense at the time would have to affirm you 24 hours a day for the rest of your life 313 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:35.000 And it still wouldn't be enough 314 00:16:35.520 --> 00:16:37.520 and I said 315 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:42.720 Wow, and then so the image of the pot came back in front of me and I looked down in it and head up 316 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:45.240 It was bottomless. It had no bottom to it 317 00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:52.960 He said the approval and affirmation you need came from when your father and mother dropped the ball and no man on this planet 318 00:16:53.080 --> 00:16:59.720 Could give you what you need. He would tire himself out and it would never be enough only I can give it to you 319 00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:01.720 will you let me and 320 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:06.720 I invited the Lord in to come and give me the approval and the affirmation that I need 321 00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:12.000 And so now when I think about love language approval or affirmation is not one of them 322 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:13.200 It's nice if I get it 323 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:18.400 but there are places in us only God could feel and there are places in us that we want our 324 00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:23.480 We were hoping that marriage will feel for us and it's not designed to do so 325 00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:29.080 That's what I'm so just giving you example of what if you didn't understand what I'm saying, you're right 326 00:17:29.320 --> 00:17:32.560 So you want them to do for you what only God can do for you? 327 00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:37.640 Alright next question what season what season am I in right now? 328 00:17:40.080 --> 00:17:42.080 What season are you in right now? 329 00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:49.120 I'll push out your comfort zone to be seen heard and understood 330 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:57.200 Season of action. Come on. I like that, you know skepticism about dating apps dating 331 00:17:57.760 --> 00:17:59.760 Okay 332 00:18:02.680 --> 00:18:06.560 Let's carry learning to be playful again, it's so good so good 333 00:18:11.400 --> 00:18:14.360 Season of discovery of myself and my needs so good 334 00:18:15.520 --> 00:18:19.320 Revival of hope hallelujah. That is so good. So good 335 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:28.000 Right now feels like pruning come on realizing my authentic self and like so good Kelly it is so good 336 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:34.920 So 337 00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:43.600 What happens is if I understand my season then I can identify what the Lord is the developing in me right now 338 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:51.240 You understand but if you are don't have clarity on your season then you don't know what the Lord wants to develop 339 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:53.840 and 340 00:18:53.840 --> 00:18:56.280 So things that are pulling on you and tugging at you 341 00:18:56.280 --> 00:18:59.320 You may not give a lot of attention to because you don't understand your season 342 00:18:59.320 --> 00:19:04.880 the Bible says that the sons of Issachar knew the times and seasons and they knew what to do and 343 00:19:05.760 --> 00:19:08.960 So in your life, we're always gonna be in seasons 344 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:14.080 The Bible says as long as the earth remains they're gonna be seed time and harvest summer winter all of your seasons 345 00:19:14.080 --> 00:19:16.080 There's a season 346 00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:19.680 Ecclesiastes says there's a time for everything under the Sun 347 00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:22.320 There's a season for it a time to be born in a time to die 348 00:19:22.320 --> 00:19:26.680 Right a time to plan in time to pluck up that which will plant a time for war and a time of peace 349 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:29.200 It tells us all these things and so in our life 350 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:32.840 And I'm just giving feedback as we go through giving a little bit as we go through the questions 351 00:19:32.840 --> 00:19:36.660 You're always in some season, but if you cannot 352 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:42.200 Appropriately or accurately identify your season then you don't know what the Lord is 353 00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:47.080 Developing in you in that season because inside of a season something is happening 354 00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:53.740 You can't be in a season and you're not being developed within that season 355 00:19:53.860 --> 00:19:55.860 You 356 00:19:56.100 --> 00:20:00.140 Can do it but this don't they don't multiply nor is it beneficial 357 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.720 okay so if I'm in a season I must remember this is perspective something 358 00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:12.440 is being developed if my season is dating something is being developed if 359 00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:16.300 my season is marriage something is being developed because that's the only way 360 00:20:16.300 --> 00:20:21.560 I'm gonna get to the fullness of it if something is being developed so why I'm 361 00:20:21.560 --> 00:20:26.880 gonna hang out here for a moment because if we if we if we if we can't recognize 362 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:32.040 the season we will reject the development 363 00:20:33.840 --> 00:20:38.480 we will refuse development even if we think we're in a season and we don't 364 00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:43.680 understand that in with the season there's development that has to happen 365 00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:54.800 okay good all right so what qualities of a helper am I actively growing what 366 00:20:54.800 --> 00:21:01.420 qualities of a helper you've been a helper are you actively growing so let 367 00:21:01.420 --> 00:21:04.640 me let me give a little context for that because we haven't talked about it and 368 00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:08.720 it's understanding the purpose of marriage so if I had to give a few 369 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:13.880 comments and we'll get there what is the purpose of marriage well have y'all 370 00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:17.240 started answering that question yet no you waiting on me to give them let's 371 00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:25.520 just say the question we can do we do that okay if you have some you can put 372 00:21:25.520 --> 00:21:31.200 it on there because all right now where has comparison affected my trust in 373 00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:39.480 God's plan so we know that comparison hugely affects perspective but where has 374 00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:43.040 comparison you comparing something to someone else or what you see somebody 375 00:21:43.040 --> 00:21:47.040 else can bear this happen for somebody else where has it affected your trust in 376 00:21:47.040 --> 00:21:54.120 God's plan like God you're doing it for them you're not doing it for me I've 377 00:21:54.120 --> 00:21:58.580 done everything I should do why hasn't it happened yet because what comparison 378 00:21:58.580 --> 00:22:05.240 will do or lack of perspective does it causes us to judge God inaccurately it 379 00:22:05.240 --> 00:22:13.440 causes you to make judgments against him that are not true so you'll find 380 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:18.640 yourself saying I've been waiting 25 years ain't nothing happened yet why not 381 00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:22.960 it will cause pride to swell up on the inside of you because you don't know 382 00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:26.960 what you're talking about because you don't know how to understand or 383 00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:35.200 recognize times and seasons are you with me when you're not when you start 384 00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:39.280 comparing when you start getting some ideal in your mind about what God should 385 00:22:39.280 --> 00:22:42.240 do and what he did for somebody else and why he hasn't done it for you you will 386 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:49.120 begin to judge inaccurately right so it hasn't changed my trust good anybody 387 00:22:49.120 --> 00:22:52.400 else have you compared yourself in a change your trust or change your belief 388 00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:56.760 or made you feel like God isn't seeing you he doesn't hear you he's not coming 389 00:22:56.760 --> 00:23:01.600 for you he hasn't making it happen for you timing seeing others get married 390 00:23:01.600 --> 00:23:05.360 around me I wonder if something is wrong with me or why I'm not being picked come 391 00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:09.360 on Kelly this is the truth there were times when I literally will stop coming 392 00:23:09.360 --> 00:23:13.200 on the community page because at that time like we are broken up in phases now 393 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:16.840 but every time somebody got engaged every time I got married and first it 394 00:23:16.840 --> 00:23:20.400 was fun when I first got in the community but look at the year and I'm 395 00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:25.080 like I don't see this stuff I don't see nothing about nobody and then they would 396 00:23:25.080 --> 00:23:31.520 make their post just hold on because God is gonna do it or like I told you guys 397 00:23:31.520 --> 00:23:36.320 before when I invited my friend to the program and she actually got married 398 00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:42.640 six months out of the program and I told God what I'm even you know I was 399 00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:47.320 really self-righteous I'm even more righteous than her like I said all kind 400 00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:52.720 of it was really pleased I'm like how could you do something like this who 401 00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:58.920 does this what is this what's going on here I need some explanation okay it 402 00:23:58.920 --> 00:24:05.160 does seem like I've been single for very way too long I know oh all right good 403 00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:08.680 now we answer that question so you're holding on to these things all right if 404 00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:14.040 marriage come on talk about that cloud praying you have such a serious look on 405 00:24:14.040 --> 00:24:20.520 your face too I don't even know you typing something in oh all right if 406 00:24:20.520 --> 00:24:25.760 marriage happened tomorrow what areas of my life will still need growth and 407 00:24:25.760 --> 00:24:28.320 maturity 408 00:24:29.320 --> 00:24:35.000 you if it happened tomorrow what areas of your life still need growth and 409 00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:37.280 maturity 410 00:24:37.280 --> 00:24:39.340 you 411 00:24:53.800 --> 00:24:58.200 mm-hmm communicating your needs that's good I love it that's a really good 412 00:24:58.200 --> 00:25:01.800 comment you made as well 413 00:25:00.880 --> 00:25:02.080 I like that. 414 00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:06.320 Releasing control, that's so good. 415 00:25:06.320 --> 00:25:08.880 That is a challenging thing to do, 416 00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:11.440 to not go to shame immediately when I'm on the edge 417 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:12.680 or feeling annoyed, so good. 418 00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:14.960 Paying up dead and knowing how to allow him to be who he is, 419 00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:16.040 so good. 420 00:25:17.820 --> 00:25:19.040 This is so good. 421 00:25:19.040 --> 00:25:20.240 Learning to trust someone else, 422 00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:22.580 their ability to make decisions for good of both of us, 423 00:25:22.580 --> 00:25:25.520 not being so independent, receiving help to confidence 424 00:25:25.520 --> 00:25:27.780 and being vulnerable, so good. 425 00:25:27.780 --> 00:25:30.020 I think every area we can always get better 426 00:25:30.020 --> 00:25:32.500 but being more vulnerable if he wants to hear it. 427 00:25:32.500 --> 00:25:33.640 That's so good. 428 00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:36.500 Being able to express my needs, control and trust, 429 00:25:36.500 --> 00:25:39.420 learning to serve, learning to trust 430 00:25:39.420 --> 00:25:42.540 and knowing I have a voice, so good. 431 00:25:42.540 --> 00:25:43.860 That's so good. 432 00:25:43.860 --> 00:25:46.420 Ladies, all of these are so good. 433 00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:50.420 These are really good and they are very major players. 434 00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:52.380 And if any of you, some of you have been married before, 435 00:25:52.380 --> 00:25:54.520 these are key players in marriages. 436 00:25:54.520 --> 00:25:59.120 These are the things that pretty much 437 00:25:59.120 --> 00:26:01.080 will lay a marriage down to the ground. 438 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:05.120 These are not light things that you're posting. 439 00:26:05.120 --> 00:26:08.280 These are very heavy hitters in marriages 440 00:26:08.280 --> 00:26:10.640 and they destroy marriages. 441 00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:12.400 They destroy intimacy. 442 00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.920 They destroy communication and fellowship. 443 00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:16.960 And they will cause your time, sharing time, 444 00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:19.280 how you spend, they will cause your time with your spouse 445 00:26:19.280 --> 00:26:22.520 to be miserable and you be turning around 446 00:26:22.520 --> 00:26:25.240 and asking the Lord, what is this? 447 00:26:25.240 --> 00:26:27.840 You could be like, Adam, this the woman you gave me, Lord. 448 00:26:27.840 --> 00:26:29.420 You be saying, this is man. 449 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:33.760 Because sometimes we believe that we didn't make the choice, 450 00:26:33.760 --> 00:26:34.880 that God made the choice. 451 00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:36.920 These are all very, very good. 452 00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:38.600 So this is what we're gonna talk about. 453 00:26:38.600 --> 00:26:39.880 Remember perspective. 454 00:26:39.880 --> 00:26:41.040 We're gonna use all the questions 455 00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:43.280 so it's good to get out in the open 456 00:26:43.280 --> 00:26:45.160 some of the thoughts that you were thinking. 457 00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:46.640 So here we go. 458 00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:48.440 The first thing we wanna understand 459 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:51.280 is the purpose of marriage. 460 00:26:52.120 --> 00:26:54.720 Now, this is what the Bible says. 461 00:26:54.720 --> 00:26:56.680 And we may have talked about this before, 462 00:26:56.680 --> 00:26:59.560 but the Bible says that God saw that Adam 463 00:26:59.560 --> 00:27:01.200 did not have one comparable to him. 464 00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:03.040 So he made him a helper. 465 00:27:03.940 --> 00:27:05.820 Now, if we talked about this already, 466 00:27:05.820 --> 00:27:09.160 you know that the word helper translated in Hebrew 467 00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:10.880 means Ezra. 468 00:27:12.320 --> 00:27:14.500 He made him an Ezra. 469 00:27:16.560 --> 00:27:17.440 Okay. 470 00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:19.280 He didn't make him a woman that says, 471 00:27:19.280 --> 00:27:22.040 I need you to be this and this and this and this and this. 472 00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:23.360 And you have to make this much money 473 00:27:23.360 --> 00:27:25.160 and you have to be this and you're gonna have to be that. 474 00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:25.980 And you're gonna be, 475 00:27:25.980 --> 00:27:27.400 that's not what the scripture said. 476 00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:30.060 The scripture said he made him an Ezra. 477 00:27:30.060 --> 00:27:31.640 What is an Ezra? 478 00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:35.040 Friend, I'm not talking about you, I just found it. 479 00:27:35.040 --> 00:27:39.000 An Ezra is, I know, when you looked at me. 480 00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:42.760 Hear me, hear me. 481 00:27:42.760 --> 00:27:43.800 Don't think, hear me. 482 00:27:43.800 --> 00:27:48.640 An Ezra is a life giving source. 483 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:50.920 That's what an Ezra is. 484 00:27:50.920 --> 00:27:52.920 Ezra is seen throughout the scripture 485 00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:56.180 in representation of when it talks about the Holy Spirit. 486 00:27:56.180 --> 00:27:58.720 That's the type of helper we're talking about. 487 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:00.720 An Ezra is a life giving source. 488 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.100 An Ezra is a warrior woman. 489 00:28:04.300 --> 00:28:07.860 God says that he made this for Adam. 490 00:28:07.860 --> 00:28:10.060 You, my dear, are an Ezra. 491 00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:14.440 That's how he designed us. 492 00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:17.760 We come with a womb, with the ability to multiply 493 00:28:17.760 --> 00:28:20.960 anything that's given to us, okay? 494 00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:24.280 And so you are a life giving source to your husband 495 00:28:24.280 --> 00:28:25.760 and you are a warrior. 496 00:28:25.760 --> 00:28:30.760 So that means that you've come to serve your husband 497 00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:34.680 because he is the head. 498 00:28:34.680 --> 00:28:37.160 And you're like, wait a minute now, 499 00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:39.240 he has to do something for me too. 500 00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:41.240 Well, that's the beauty of who God is 501 00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:44.100 because as you serve one, the other serves the other. 502 00:28:44.100 --> 00:28:45.360 You don't have to ever worry 503 00:28:45.360 --> 00:28:47.320 about a space being made for you. 504 00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:50.800 Paul says two things, women are to respect their husbands. 505 00:28:50.800 --> 00:28:52.920 They only have one thing to do, respect their husband 506 00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:55.640 and the men must love their wives. 507 00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:58.280 And so everybody has a responsibility, 508 00:28:58.280 --> 00:28:59.640 but let's go back to Genesis. 509 00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:02.000 Let's go back to who you are. 510 00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.400 So God didn't just, a companion is a by-product 511 00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:06.760 of being married, companionship. 512 00:29:06.760 --> 00:29:07.700 That's why you choose Will 513 00:29:07.700 --> 00:29:09.720 so you can have good companionship 514 00:29:09.720 --> 00:29:11.920 because you can be married and not have good companionship 515 00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:16.560 and you could have actually married for companionship, okay? 516 00:29:16.560 --> 00:29:18.040 But that's not why you marry. 517 00:29:18.040 --> 00:29:20.040 You don't marry for companionship. 518 00:29:20.040 --> 00:29:21.360 It's a by-product of marriage. 519 00:29:21.360 --> 00:29:23.880 That's what you get when you marry, you get a companion. 520 00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:26.080 Trust me, they ain't going nowhere. 521 00:29:26.080 --> 00:29:28.920 So we just hope you get along, okay? 522 00:29:28.920 --> 00:29:30.920 So you're an Ezra. 523 00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:33.320 Ezra is a social strength of support, 524 00:29:33.320 --> 00:29:35.120 encouragement and partnership. 525 00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:37.080 That's what Ezra is. 526 00:29:37.080 --> 00:29:40.560 So that means if you understand 527 00:29:40.560 --> 00:29:43.080 that you're not just marrying for companionship, 528 00:29:43.080 --> 00:29:43.920 you're not just marrying 529 00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:46.840 because you don't wanna be alone, right? 530 00:29:46.840 --> 00:29:48.520 Let's just throw that out the window. 531 00:29:48.520 --> 00:29:49.600 You don't wanna be alone. 532 00:29:49.600 --> 00:29:52.920 It's actually a place that God fits, 533 00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:54.640 not that your husband fits 534 00:29:54.640 --> 00:29:57.140 because you can marry him, he could die next year. 535 00:29:59.080 --> 00:29:59.920 If you have 536 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.920 a husband in a place that he could die the next day and you lack it that means you put him in the 537 00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:19.920 wrong place okay hear me if you said that a requirement is that when i marry my husband 538 00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:25.280 he has to be a hiker he has to want to do bike rides he has to be because i am passionate about 539 00:30:25.280 --> 00:30:29.760 fitness and when you marry him and he could start out passionate about fitness and six 540 00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:34.160 months have an accident and he can't do it anymore that may seem like an extreme thing 541 00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:39.600 but that's a real thing that means he isn't feeling that space then who's gonna do it 542 00:30:39.600 --> 00:30:46.000 you're gonna go get a friend to ride a bike with you're gonna go find you someone to feel these 543 00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:50.800 faces are y'all checking with me and so sometimes we can figure out if we put a husband in the wrong 544 00:30:50.800 --> 00:30:56.080 place if we're trying to get him to feel some place that he wasn't designed to feel 545 00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:03.520 it's not good for man to be alone he needs an azar this man needs a woman that give him life 546 00:31:03.520 --> 00:31:09.360 she is a life-giving source he needs a woman that comes with a sword and defends her husband 547 00:31:09.360 --> 00:31:13.600 defends her family lineage defends her children and uphold their identity 548 00:31:14.560 --> 00:31:21.520 see can't know any old divisive spirit come up against an azar because she understands her role 549 00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:29.680 in position and so she wars she gives life she doesn't just give life in the form of a baby but 550 00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:34.880 she gives life in the words that she speaks and so that's why when we understand the perspective 551 00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:39.760 of what a wife is we know that we become a casualty when we need somebody to give us 552 00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:46.080 affirmation to build us up so that we can be and we've given that position to a husband 553 00:31:46.080 --> 00:31:50.800 when it needs to be dealt with in this season and in this time and be developing us so that 554 00:31:50.800 --> 00:31:54.720 when we come to the table we carry it we're broken in community we're healed in community 555 00:31:54.720 --> 00:31:59.200 we're broken in relationship we're healed in relationship but a person cannot do foundational 556 00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:03.360 things for you and you actually believe you think you're worthless all of a sudden you're 557 00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:10.000 gonna believe it because a man speaks it to you that's that's that's that's that's far-fetched 558 00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:15.920 from the truth if you believe you're ugly ain't nobody in the world could tell you you pretty and 559 00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:22.720 you're gonna believe it it truly comes from within and so if you understand what a what a wife is 560 00:32:23.520 --> 00:32:30.720 you won't minimize this position to some of the things that only God can feel but you will allow 561 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:38.160 God to maximize you in what you are designed to do perspective tells you that the time and season 562 00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:44.880 that you're in right now is in a program that is training you for maximization of as an Ezra so 563 00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:48.800 every time you get an opportunity to forgive you're gonna practice it because you understand 564 00:32:48.800 --> 00:32:53.840 that Ezra needs forgiveness if you understand that Ezra is likened to the holy spirit you 565 00:32:53.840 --> 00:32:57.520 understand that you have to learn how to operate in boundaries and you're not gonna boss your way 566 00:32:57.520 --> 00:33:01.840 around and tell a man what he needs to do and when he needs to do it because the holy spirit doesn't 567 00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:07.280 do that the holy spirit gives gentle nudges and when you reject the holy spirit it goes away quietly 568 00:33:07.280 --> 00:33:11.600 it don't say i told you so when you fall flat on your face it don't say i tried to tell you but 569 00:33:11.600 --> 00:33:15.440 you didn't want to listen go on do it yourself figure it out yourself that's not what holy 570 00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:22.800 spirit does and Ezra is likened unto the holy spirit and so there is an empowerment that comes 571 00:33:22.800 --> 00:33:28.880 with knowing that you're not just what you thought why but you're an Ezra a life giving source 572 00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:37.120 and so then you maximize the season that you're in by learning to set boundaries and adhering to them 573 00:33:38.960 --> 00:33:44.720 you learn what to do in this season you maximize your time in this season by learning how to manage 574 00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:52.240 your nervous system by learning how to manage your anxiousness because they're going to be 575 00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:57.360 plenty of times in the next 20 30 40 years 50 years you're married to to get riled up 576 00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:04.720 you learn how to come face to face with all of your avoided tendencies and say i'm gonna deal 577 00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:09.600 with you right now because you can't go into the promised land when you realize that you're an 578 00:34:09.600 --> 00:34:14.080 Ezra you get your five smooth stones in your slingshot and you get ready to slay some giants 579 00:34:14.080 --> 00:34:21.520 in your life you stop sitting on the sideline as a victim and say i'm gonna maximize this season 580 00:34:21.520 --> 00:34:27.199 of my life right now because i know who i am and that is called perspective i know who i am i know 581 00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:32.000 where i'm going and i know what i need to get there and nothing's gonna stop me from it and 582 00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:38.719 all of a sudden you are now in control you are actually partnering with heaven and you no longer 583 00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:44.159 you no longer begin to accuse god of not doing what you thought he should have did when he should 584 00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:50.080 have done it but you realize that you're in the right place at the right time to do what you need 585 00:34:50.080 --> 00:34:59.600 to do to equip Ezra. Are y'all with me? Is this good? 586 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.980 I sure hope so. 587 00:35:01.980 --> 00:35:03.340 It was good to me. 588 00:35:03.340 --> 00:35:04.820 All right. 589 00:35:04.820 --> 00:35:07.180 So I understand that I'm an Ezra 590 00:35:07.180 --> 00:35:08.820 and because I understand that I'm an Ezra, 591 00:35:08.820 --> 00:35:10.980 I understand the purpose of marriage 592 00:35:10.980 --> 00:35:12.540 and understanding the purpose of marriage, 593 00:35:12.540 --> 00:35:14.660 I maximize my seasons. 594 00:35:14.660 --> 00:35:16.660 Because one of the things that we said 595 00:35:16.660 --> 00:35:19.220 that we need to learn how to do, 596 00:35:19.220 --> 00:35:21.660 understand how to do in any faith journey 597 00:35:21.660 --> 00:35:24.740 is to know that the times and seasons that you're in 598 00:35:24.740 --> 00:35:27.080 and know what to do in that season. 599 00:35:27.940 --> 00:35:29.440 So you've come out of the hard work. 600 00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:30.920 That's what you were doing in that phase. 601 00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:33.400 Now you're in phase two and we use dating 602 00:35:33.400 --> 00:35:36.240 to help develop and skill us and train us. 603 00:35:36.240 --> 00:35:38.700 We don't use dating to find a husband. 604 00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:43.560 You need to be willing as an Ezra 605 00:35:43.560 --> 00:35:45.960 to part ways with that idea. 606 00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:47.440 The reason why I want you to be willing 607 00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:49.040 to part ways with that idea 608 00:35:49.040 --> 00:35:50.600 is because you're wasting time 609 00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:52.620 when you can be getting equipped 610 00:35:52.620 --> 00:35:54.560 through dating for discovery. 611 00:35:54.560 --> 00:35:55.840 Because the program is designed 612 00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:58.360 for you to be dating for discovery. 613 00:35:58.360 --> 00:35:59.560 Discovery of what? 614 00:35:59.560 --> 00:36:00.880 Of your triggers. 615 00:36:00.880 --> 00:36:02.940 Discovery of your entitlement. 616 00:36:02.940 --> 00:36:05.480 Discovery of your ability not to refuse 617 00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:07.520 to show grace and forgiveness and mercy 618 00:36:07.520 --> 00:36:09.640 because you're trying to protect yourself. 619 00:36:11.100 --> 00:36:11.940 Yeah? 620 00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:15.120 So when you get to this phase, 621 00:36:15.120 --> 00:36:18.240 it's like you're dating to be triggered 622 00:36:18.240 --> 00:36:20.760 so you can learn the triggers and deal with the triggers. 623 00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:22.360 Like we want you to get upset. 624 00:36:22.360 --> 00:36:24.640 We want you to be offended. 625 00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:28.920 And when you see it, you be like oh, I see you. 626 00:36:28.920 --> 00:36:31.080 I've been trained to deal with you. 627 00:36:31.080 --> 00:36:33.560 I was trained to deal with you in the heart work. 628 00:36:33.560 --> 00:36:36.000 I'm about to put you in the grave. 629 00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:38.240 Oh, I see you anxiousness wanna come in 630 00:36:38.240 --> 00:36:39.800 because you want certainty, 631 00:36:39.800 --> 00:36:41.360 but I'm not gonna give you certainty. 632 00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:43.360 I'm gonna stay in curiosity. 633 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:45.120 I know it feels good to talk to this man, 634 00:36:45.120 --> 00:36:46.800 but I'm here to learn and grow. 635 00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:48.560 This is not my last stop. 636 00:36:48.560 --> 00:36:50.900 I'm not gonna fall into a scarcity mindset 637 00:36:50.900 --> 00:36:52.560 because I have perspective. 638 00:36:52.560 --> 00:36:54.320 I perspective I'm an Ezra 639 00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:55.840 and I know what season I'm in 640 00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:58.640 and this is time for equipping and training. 641 00:36:58.640 --> 00:37:00.800 Okay, good. 642 00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:04.080 So in this season, because now you know what it is 643 00:37:04.080 --> 00:37:05.460 because you have perspective, 644 00:37:05.460 --> 00:37:09.400 you are going to develop those characteristics 645 00:37:09.400 --> 00:37:12.300 that sustain marriage. 646 00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:15.300 So we know that there are things 647 00:37:15.300 --> 00:37:16.400 if we were married tomorrow, 648 00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:18.040 we will be battling with them. 649 00:37:18.040 --> 00:37:19.120 So I'm gonna say, 650 00:37:19.120 --> 00:37:22.000 I'm gonna learn the things that help me sustain marriage. 651 00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:23.880 Jackie designed this program 652 00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:26.880 with the tools to help you sustain marriage. 653 00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:29.920 Okay, so what helps me sustain marriage? 654 00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:33.240 Grace, a lot of it. 655 00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:37.480 That means, and these are just a few things. 656 00:37:37.480 --> 00:37:39.400 If grace helped me sustain marriage, 657 00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:42.840 you need to start pouring it out, baby, like honey. 658 00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:44.840 Pour it out to the people in the traffic, 659 00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:46.720 pour it out to the people in the store. 660 00:37:46.720 --> 00:37:48.720 Cause what you thinking, are you an Ezra? 661 00:37:48.720 --> 00:37:50.560 And I know that an Ezra needs grace 662 00:37:50.560 --> 00:37:53.000 because she's come to be like the Holy Spirit. 663 00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:54.720 That means she's come to be help. 664 00:37:54.720 --> 00:37:56.620 And a lot of times she's gonna be rejected 665 00:37:56.620 --> 00:37:58.040 even though her wisdom is right 666 00:37:58.040 --> 00:37:59.180 and she knows the way to go, 667 00:37:59.180 --> 00:38:00.960 but that person that she partnered with 668 00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:02.200 ain't ready to hear it yet. 669 00:38:02.200 --> 00:38:03.860 So she's gonna have to give him some grace. 670 00:38:03.860 --> 00:38:05.520 Even when he falls flat on his face, 671 00:38:05.520 --> 00:38:07.400 she's gonna give more grace. 672 00:38:07.400 --> 00:38:09.400 All right, she knows that she's gonna get some training 673 00:38:09.400 --> 00:38:11.160 on the job and she's gonna need grace. 674 00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:13.560 She's gonna need grace for when she explodes on him. 675 00:38:13.560 --> 00:38:15.560 She's gonna need grace for when she triggers. 676 00:38:15.560 --> 00:38:17.040 She's not coming to be perfect, 677 00:38:17.040 --> 00:38:18.920 she's coming to operate in grace. 678 00:38:18.920 --> 00:38:21.060 And the grace flows over her, through her, 679 00:38:21.060 --> 00:38:23.200 to the person around her and back to her. 680 00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:25.380 Ezra knows that she needs grace. 681 00:38:26.440 --> 00:38:29.800 And because Ezra needs grace, she gives grace. 682 00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:32.440 So now she practices grace. 683 00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:36.360 And so against her fear of rejection, 684 00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:39.240 against her fear of all falling apart, 685 00:38:39.240 --> 00:38:42.080 she's going to give grace. 686 00:38:42.080 --> 00:38:43.560 Okay, is this good? 687 00:38:43.560 --> 00:38:45.120 Are we all together? 688 00:38:45.120 --> 00:38:47.720 And so I'm giving out grace. 689 00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:48.760 I'm gonna give out grace. 690 00:38:48.760 --> 00:38:50.160 Even if Ebenezer say something 691 00:38:50.160 --> 00:38:51.320 that could be a little fissile, 692 00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:52.360 I'm gonna give her some grace 693 00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:54.120 and ask her what the problem is. 694 00:38:54.120 --> 00:38:56.120 We're gonna give out some grace. 695 00:38:56.120 --> 00:38:57.520 We're gonna give out grace to our mothers 696 00:38:57.520 --> 00:38:58.960 and our fathers, to our sisters 697 00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:00.520 and our brothers, to our cousins. 698 00:39:00.520 --> 00:39:02.200 Like this is just not about a man. 699 00:39:02.200 --> 00:39:03.560 Once you start giving grace, 700 00:39:03.560 --> 00:39:05.880 I don't know if any of you guys actively practice this, 701 00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:07.800 but grace starts coming back to you. 702 00:39:10.080 --> 00:39:12.660 I am, this is a very simple example. 703 00:39:12.660 --> 00:39:16.520 I am a very complimentary person. 704 00:39:16.520 --> 00:39:20.640 Some years ago, I began to understand that women, 705 00:39:20.640 --> 00:39:22.240 even when given a compliment, 706 00:39:22.240 --> 00:39:23.680 they don't receive it well. 707 00:39:23.680 --> 00:39:25.800 They usually say, oh, this old shirt. 708 00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:28.640 Oh, oh, you look cute too. 709 00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:30.960 Something, anything, they usually will deflect 710 00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:33.080 and they don't usually receive compliments well. 711 00:39:33.080 --> 00:39:34.600 So I made it my business 712 00:39:34.600 --> 00:39:35.800 that every person I looked at, 713 00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:37.400 not just a woman, but it started with women, 714 00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:38.440 but women and men, 715 00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:41.840 that I will look for something in them that's good. 716 00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:43.380 I would look for the gold in them. 717 00:39:43.380 --> 00:39:46.080 So I would call myself a gold digger. 718 00:39:46.640 --> 00:39:48.000 And so I don't care if I'm in the line, 719 00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:49.680 checkout line or wherever I am. 720 00:39:49.680 --> 00:39:51.920 Well, because I started doing it 721 00:39:51.920 --> 00:39:53.760 and this has been going on for years, 722 00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:57.060 people give me compliments all the time. 723 00:39:58.120 --> 00:39:59.680 Sometimes I be looking ratchet. 724 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.440 they find something to say to me. 725 00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:04.980 That's just how that thing works, right? 726 00:40:04.980 --> 00:40:06.400 That's the same way grace works. 727 00:40:06.400 --> 00:40:09.280 The more grace we give, the more grace comes back to us. 728 00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:10.360 Forgiveness. 729 00:40:12.240 --> 00:40:15.200 Forgiveness doesn't mean that you completely heal 730 00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:16.580 from the wound, but what it means, 731 00:40:16.580 --> 00:40:18.680 I release you from my judgment of you. 732 00:40:20.760 --> 00:40:22.360 I know that you can't heal me, 733 00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:25.140 but God is gonna do that part, right? 734 00:40:25.140 --> 00:40:27.440 So I practice forgiveness. 735 00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:29.400 Practice patience. 736 00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:30.360 My God. 737 00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:35.000 You know, Jackie teaches that marriage 738 00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:36.640 is God's maturity plan. 739 00:40:37.560 --> 00:40:38.780 Oh my Lord. 740 00:40:38.780 --> 00:40:41.980 You need a lot of mercy and a lot of patience. 741 00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:44.120 My, my, my. 742 00:40:44.120 --> 00:40:45.740 Boundaries. 743 00:40:46.920 --> 00:40:48.960 This is the time to practice boundaries. 744 00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:51.840 This is how Ezra develops the qualities 745 00:40:51.840 --> 00:40:53.360 that sustain marriage. 746 00:40:53.360 --> 00:40:55.360 And you get to do it without worrying 747 00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:57.360 about being married right now. 748 00:40:58.180 --> 00:40:59.720 Because it's hard to do it when the pressure is on you. 749 00:40:59.720 --> 00:41:00.640 Okay? 750 00:41:00.640 --> 00:41:02.800 And then humility. 751 00:41:02.800 --> 00:41:03.800 Oh my. 752 00:41:03.800 --> 00:41:04.780 Humility. 753 00:41:06.680 --> 00:41:08.520 Humility is something, the Bible says 754 00:41:08.520 --> 00:41:10.320 that we must humble our hand, 755 00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:12.860 humble ourselves under the hand of God. 756 00:41:12.860 --> 00:41:14.920 The Bible says that God resists the proud 757 00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:16.620 and he gives grace to the humble. 758 00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:25.360 So all of us, I repent for pride on a daily basis. 759 00:41:25.540 --> 00:41:27.080 We're humans. 760 00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:29.040 At some point we think we know so much 761 00:41:29.040 --> 00:41:30.640 or we think this and we think that, 762 00:41:30.640 --> 00:41:32.480 we just believe this and we believe that 763 00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.280 and oh, we offended and we have it right 764 00:41:34.280 --> 00:41:36.080 and we have this, all that's pride. 765 00:41:37.640 --> 00:41:38.480 Right? 766 00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:39.300 All that's pride. 767 00:41:39.300 --> 00:41:42.320 And so it's just a matter of a great exchange 768 00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:45.000 with the Lord and operating in humility, 769 00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:46.880 humbling ourselves under his hand, 770 00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:49.800 declaring that God, you know better than me. 771 00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:51.160 I'm angry, this bothers me, 772 00:41:51.160 --> 00:41:52.760 but I trust that you know better than me. 773 00:41:52.760 --> 00:41:54.440 That's humility. 774 00:41:54.440 --> 00:41:55.680 It's hard for me to let this go, 775 00:41:55.680 --> 00:41:56.600 but I'm gonna give it to you. 776 00:41:57.120 --> 00:41:58.080 That's humility. 777 00:41:58.080 --> 00:41:59.360 I could hold this against them, 778 00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:00.560 but I'm gonna release them. 779 00:42:00.560 --> 00:42:01.760 That's humility. 780 00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:02.600 Okay? 781 00:42:02.600 --> 00:42:03.420 And then, 782 00:42:06.280 --> 00:42:08.540 ask yourself this question. 783 00:42:08.540 --> 00:42:10.880 What am I bringing to the marriage 784 00:42:10.880 --> 00:42:13.280 besides the desire to not be alone? 785 00:42:14.120 --> 00:42:15.480 What am I bringing to the marriage 786 00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:20.480 besides the make babies or have a family? 787 00:42:20.920 --> 00:42:23.840 What are you bringing to the marriage, Izar? 788 00:42:23.840 --> 00:42:25.680 List to me your skillset 789 00:42:25.720 --> 00:42:28.000 that you're bringing to this marriage 790 00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:31.160 besides what this marriage can do for you, 791 00:42:31.160 --> 00:42:32.900 how it can fulfill you. 792 00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:34.960 I want you guys to list, 793 00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:37.420 what are you bringing to this marriage? 794 00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:40.700 Put all your qualities on there. 795 00:42:40.700 --> 00:42:43.580 Don't feel like you're gonna outshine one of us. 796 00:42:43.580 --> 00:42:44.680 Lay it out there. 797 00:42:56.040 --> 00:42:58.160 Daisy, hold on to that question you just asked. 798 00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:00.000 I wanna respond to that, okay? 799 00:43:03.080 --> 00:43:05.480 You said, are you saying we're learning to just, 800 00:43:05.480 --> 00:43:06.800 hold on to that question. 801 00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:08.780 Okay, thank you. 802 00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:14.000 Friendship, wisdom, creativity, 803 00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:15.480 making a calm, welcoming home. 804 00:43:15.480 --> 00:43:16.920 Industrialism. 805 00:43:18.140 --> 00:43:21.440 That's what that privateer31 woman does, huh? 806 00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:22.720 Yes. 807 00:43:22.720 --> 00:43:24.120 I have a lot of grace. 808 00:43:24.120 --> 00:43:25.900 That's so good, Cherish. 809 00:43:29.560 --> 00:43:31.120 Come on, put them in there. 810 00:43:31.120 --> 00:43:32.120 Line it up. 811 00:43:33.860 --> 00:43:35.200 Lay out your resume. 812 00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:36.840 If the man was in front of you right now, 813 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:39.840 you're gonna say, baby, this why you want me. 814 00:43:39.840 --> 00:43:42.080 I'm finna show you right now why you want me. 815 00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:42.900 Patience. 816 00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:55.240 Patience, you're a good listener. 817 00:43:55.240 --> 00:43:57.800 Creativity, compassion, and kindness, a sense of humor. 818 00:43:57.800 --> 00:43:59.320 Oh, that's so nice. 819 00:43:59.320 --> 00:44:00.660 That's good. 820 00:44:00.660 --> 00:44:01.500 Come on. 821 00:44:02.920 --> 00:44:04.160 Patience, commitment. 822 00:44:04.160 --> 00:44:05.720 You've got a lot of patient people. 823 00:44:05.720 --> 00:44:06.960 This is good. 824 00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:09.480 Commitment, friendship, fun, desire to grow and learn. 825 00:44:09.480 --> 00:44:10.480 Ability to listen. 826 00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:11.720 Cooperation as a partner. 827 00:44:11.720 --> 00:44:12.800 Optimism and faith. 828 00:44:12.800 --> 00:44:13.800 Come on. 829 00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:14.640 Come on. 830 00:44:17.560 --> 00:44:18.760 I like this. 831 00:44:20.280 --> 00:44:22.360 My words, they are really life-giving. 832 00:44:22.360 --> 00:44:23.600 Yes, Esther. 833 00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:25.840 Come on, get one of them college men. 834 00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:29.200 My humor, genuine care, visionary thinking, 835 00:44:29.200 --> 00:44:30.420 and systems thinking. 836 00:44:32.160 --> 00:44:34.200 Come on. 837 00:44:34.200 --> 00:44:35.440 What Esther is saying, 838 00:44:35.440 --> 00:44:38.080 you give it to me, see when I multiply. 839 00:44:38.080 --> 00:44:39.240 Give me your idea. 840 00:44:39.240 --> 00:44:40.240 Give me your vision. 841 00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:41.840 I'll make it happen. 842 00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:43.320 I have you a blueprint by the time you wake up 843 00:44:43.320 --> 00:44:44.160 in the morning. 844 00:44:44.160 --> 00:44:45.280 I know how we're going to get there, 845 00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:46.480 what it's going to cost us to get there, 846 00:44:46.480 --> 00:44:47.400 and what the end going to be. 847 00:44:47.400 --> 00:44:48.720 Just give it to me. 848 00:44:48.720 --> 00:44:50.640 I know, I told you, I get it. 849 00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:52.400 I see you, girl. 850 00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:53.440 I love to cook. 851 00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:54.880 I'm a great cook, says LaVette. 852 00:44:54.880 --> 00:44:57.920 A good host, loving, giving, kind, caretaker, 853 00:44:57.920 --> 00:45:00.080 welcoming home, party planner, and host. 854 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360 fun, adventures, a great friend, God-fearing, faithful, 855 00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:05.440 and trustworthy. 856 00:45:05.440 --> 00:45:07.000 Come on. 857 00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:10.440 Understanding, support emotionally, spiritually, 858 00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:13.400 grace, forgiveness, spiritual mate, respect, love, 859 00:45:13.400 --> 00:45:16.920 listening, commitment, loyalty, optimism, vision sharing, 860 00:45:16.920 --> 00:45:17.880 and partnership. 861 00:45:17.880 --> 00:45:20.840 Let's go, Miss Bunny. 862 00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:21.480 Come on. 863 00:45:21.480 --> 00:45:23.040 I'm waiting on yours, friend. 864 00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:23.840 Are you typing? 865 00:45:23.840 --> 00:45:25.200 I know it's so long, right? 866 00:45:25.200 --> 00:45:34.080 I love me some friend, honey. 867 00:45:34.080 --> 00:45:36.480 No matter what I say, she be like, but what? 868 00:45:36.480 --> 00:45:39.240 But didn't it? 869 00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:41.720 Sense of humor, creativity, a good listener, 870 00:45:41.720 --> 00:45:43.600 love being on time, and encouraging. 871 00:45:43.600 --> 00:45:44.000 Come on. 872 00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:46.600 Them men ain't going to like that love being on time, Jessica. 873 00:45:46.600 --> 00:45:48.240 You stick with it. 874 00:45:48.240 --> 00:45:53.960 We'll show up out of nowhere and scare you not on time. 875 00:45:53.960 --> 00:45:56.640 That's funny. 876 00:45:56.640 --> 00:45:59.280 Oh, trustworthy, friend, a good listener, 877 00:45:59.280 --> 00:46:02.560 encouraging, kind-hearted, sense of humor, and supportive. 878 00:46:02.560 --> 00:46:05.200 And ladies, this is so good that you're putting these things 879 00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:07.320 out, because a lot of times when we're in coaching 880 00:46:07.320 --> 00:46:10.360 and we're talking, you believe I got so much to do. 881 00:46:10.360 --> 00:46:12.320 Oh, I got so much growth to happen. 882 00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:14.120 Oh, I messed this up. 883 00:46:14.120 --> 00:46:18.320 But you don't take time to see what you do carry as an Ezra. 884 00:46:18.320 --> 00:46:20.800 There are things that you carry that 885 00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:23.080 are besides what you want someone to do for you. 886 00:46:23.080 --> 00:46:26.120 Most of the times, what we want a man to be for us 887 00:46:26.120 --> 00:46:30.880 is that we're looking for somehow to feel safe. 888 00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:33.120 And if they do this, I'll feel safe. 889 00:46:33.120 --> 00:46:35.160 You don't know you process that way, 890 00:46:35.160 --> 00:46:37.560 but you're processing that way, when 891 00:46:37.560 --> 00:46:40.160 God wants to be your safety. 892 00:46:40.160 --> 00:46:41.080 This is so good. 893 00:46:44.200 --> 00:46:45.240 This is so good. 894 00:46:45.240 --> 00:46:45.840 OK. 895 00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:46.320 All right. 896 00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:47.120 Is that everybody? 897 00:46:47.120 --> 00:46:49.720 If you come up with something later, supportive, encouraging, 898 00:46:49.720 --> 00:46:50.640 just add it in there. 899 00:46:50.640 --> 00:46:51.400 I like this. 900 00:46:51.400 --> 00:46:52.080 I like this. 901 00:46:52.080 --> 00:46:52.880 Come on, come on. 902 00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:55.840 So let's talk about this. 903 00:46:55.840 --> 00:46:57.520 So a couple of other things that happens 904 00:46:57.520 --> 00:46:58.920 when we're getting in perspective, 905 00:46:58.920 --> 00:47:02.320 the first thing we do is have to, OK, I see you there. 906 00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:05.160 Creative, fun, empathetic, good listener, supportive. 907 00:47:05.160 --> 00:47:06.920 Good. 908 00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:09.520 There are things we reflected on some questions, 909 00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:13.120 but I listed five things that help you gain perspective. 910 00:47:13.120 --> 00:47:17.000 The first was understanding your position in marriage. 911 00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:20.040 Understanding why God designed marriage. 912 00:47:20.040 --> 00:47:21.840 So that you would stop, number one, 913 00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:24.480 looking for a man to feel loneliness in your life. 914 00:47:24.480 --> 00:47:27.120 That's a big deal. 915 00:47:27.120 --> 00:47:28.400 You can go find friends. 916 00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:29.640 You can find companionship. 917 00:47:29.640 --> 00:47:31.880 This is something that we talk about a lot. 918 00:47:31.880 --> 00:47:33.880 They'll mean that you don't want your husband. 919 00:47:33.880 --> 00:47:36.000 I'm not taking away your desire for companionship 920 00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:37.440 with your husband, but I'm just telling you 921 00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:39.800 some of these things that you're relegating to marriage 922 00:47:39.800 --> 00:47:40.440 may not happen. 923 00:47:40.440 --> 00:47:42.880 Like, I want somebody to read my Bible with and pray with. 924 00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:44.760 What if he don't want to read what you read? 925 00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:46.600 What if he don't want to pray with you? 926 00:47:46.600 --> 00:47:48.400 But you've had this expectation that when 927 00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:50.040 you get married, your husband's supposed to pray with you 928 00:47:50.040 --> 00:47:50.920 and read your Bible. 929 00:47:50.920 --> 00:47:52.320 That's not true, y'all. 930 00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:54.920 This man got his own mind. 931 00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:56.640 What if he don't even read his Bible? 932 00:47:56.640 --> 00:47:58.440 What you going to do then? 933 00:47:58.440 --> 00:47:59.760 You going to get mad? 934 00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:01.800 You going to try to force him to read your Bible? 935 00:48:06.800 --> 00:48:07.640 All right. 936 00:48:07.640 --> 00:48:10.640 So then the next thing is, so one 937 00:48:10.640 --> 00:48:12.600 is understanding marriage and the purpose of it. 938 00:48:12.600 --> 00:48:14.240 This gives you perspective because it 939 00:48:14.240 --> 00:48:16.840 changes what you spend your time thinking about. 940 00:48:16.840 --> 00:48:20.880 The second one is, let God feel what marriage was never 941 00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:24.520 designed or meant to feel in your life. 942 00:48:24.520 --> 00:48:27.000 We have to be willing to let God feel those areas. 943 00:48:27.000 --> 00:48:28.560 And we kind of touched on that. 944 00:48:28.560 --> 00:48:30.320 So what you want to do in this place 945 00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:33.240 is ask God to reveal to you any place where 946 00:48:33.240 --> 00:48:38.640 you're expecting marriage to feel what only he can. 947 00:48:38.640 --> 00:48:43.160 Ask God where you're looking for marriage to complete you. 948 00:48:43.160 --> 00:48:44.080 And it's not possible. 949 00:48:46.680 --> 00:48:48.480 And I post this in the activation, 950 00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:50.520 but this is the thing you want to do. 951 00:48:50.520 --> 00:48:52.440 You want to answer this question that I post, 952 00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:53.640 and you want to ask the Lord. 953 00:48:53.640 --> 00:48:56.720 Because I believe that it is very possible for all of us 954 00:48:56.720 --> 00:48:58.920 to have something on the inside of us, 955 00:48:58.920 --> 00:49:01.920 that we believe that marriage is the end all be all. 956 00:49:01.920 --> 00:49:04.000 And why haven't you just done it yet? 957 00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:05.520 We believe so strongly in this. 958 00:49:05.520 --> 00:49:08.760 Sometimes we don't even ask the Lord, 959 00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:10.760 if I'm not at the altar right now, 960 00:49:10.760 --> 00:49:12.440 then what are you doing in this season? 961 00:49:15.360 --> 00:49:17.840 If I'm not married, then where are you? 962 00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:19.960 I better go to where you are. 963 00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:22.520 Because if I indeed believe this is my season of marriage, 964 00:49:22.520 --> 00:49:26.200 and I must understand that preparation must happen, 965 00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:28.960 equipping must happen in this season, 966 00:49:28.960 --> 00:49:30.680 because I'm in a season of marriage. 967 00:49:30.680 --> 00:49:32.640 So you can't say I'm in a season of marriage 968 00:49:32.640 --> 00:49:35.880 and say, where is my husband? 969 00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:38.560 And you can say it, but what I'm saying 970 00:49:38.560 --> 00:49:40.600 is you can't die on that hill. 971 00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:45.640 Something has to click in you that if you're not 972 00:49:45.680 --> 00:49:49.240 looking at him, ask the Lord, what is he doing? 973 00:49:50.160 --> 00:49:52.400 So that you will understand your times and season. 974 00:49:52.400 --> 00:49:54.760 I am telling you, it's very disappointing. 975 00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:55.600 I'm telling you for somebody 976 00:49:55.600 --> 00:49:57.200 who's been on this journey for a while, 977 00:49:57.200 --> 00:49:59.840 very disappointing to keep expecting something 978 00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:01.240 that's not going to happen. 979 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:00.900 It's not coming. 980 00:50:01.880 --> 00:50:06.600 The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick, 981 00:50:06.600 --> 00:50:10.520 literally sick, but promises fulfilled as a tree of life. 982 00:50:11.840 --> 00:50:15.920 Don't die on the heel of judging God incorrectly 983 00:50:15.920 --> 00:50:19.120 because you have failed to understand the times and seasons. 984 00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:26.000 You guys, nobody, I don't agree when we believe 985 00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:27.560 that we've been waiting on the Lord 986 00:50:27.560 --> 00:50:29.560 to bring us a spouse for 20 years. 987 00:50:29.560 --> 00:50:32.420 Then that tells me I don't know my times and seasons. 988 00:50:34.040 --> 00:50:38.000 You have failed to recognize your time or your season. 989 00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:39.440 And when you should have been doing something 990 00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.960 in one season, you were expecting him to do something else. 991 00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:44.440 And then when you get to the next season, 992 00:50:44.440 --> 00:50:45.560 you're still out of season 993 00:50:45.560 --> 00:50:46.960 because you keep expecting something. 994 00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:48.840 You believe, I'm just gonna hold on to the promise. 995 00:50:48.840 --> 00:50:50.320 I'm just gonna hold on to the promise. 996 00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:51.440 But when you prayed about it, 997 00:50:51.440 --> 00:50:53.720 from the first time you prayed it, it was a done deal. 998 00:50:53.720 --> 00:50:56.440 He's not withholding something from you. 999 00:50:56.440 --> 00:50:58.480 But if I keep trying to make happen in one season 1000 00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:00.360 and he's trying to develop in this season, 1001 00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:02.080 then I'm missing the seasons. 1002 00:51:02.080 --> 00:51:05.640 I'm missing my timing and I'm becoming frustrated and hurt. 1003 00:51:05.640 --> 00:51:07.920 And I'm feeling abandoned and overlooked 1004 00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:10.080 and not seen and not heard. 1005 00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:16.360 I don't believe that God bypasses ready as ours. 1006 00:51:16.720 --> 00:51:18.560 I don't believe it. 1007 00:51:18.560 --> 00:51:22.520 I don't believe that if you are ready as are, 1008 00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:25.100 the Lord has said, my daughter is ready, 1009 00:51:25.100 --> 00:51:29.100 that he's gonna look over you in the earth. 1010 00:51:29.100 --> 00:51:31.620 That just doesn't sound like a good father to me 1011 00:51:31.620 --> 00:51:33.400 and bypass you and you're ready. 1012 00:51:34.340 --> 00:51:37.200 Bypass your husband and he's ready. 1013 00:51:37.200 --> 00:51:39.540 The Bible says, Jesus gave a parable. 1014 00:51:39.540 --> 00:51:41.500 He said, if any man asks for bread, 1015 00:51:41.500 --> 00:51:43.060 would you give him a stone? 1016 00:51:43.060 --> 00:51:47.100 And any one of you, if your son asks you for a fish, 1017 00:51:47.100 --> 00:51:48.780 would you give him a snake? 1018 00:51:48.780 --> 00:51:51.860 Now you being evil men know how to give good gifts 1019 00:51:51.860 --> 00:51:53.060 to your children. 1020 00:51:53.060 --> 00:51:54.760 I want more of my heavenly father. 1021 00:51:57.500 --> 00:51:58.880 That's what he said. 1022 00:52:00.260 --> 00:52:02.780 And so I believe that our father knows how to give 1023 00:52:02.780 --> 00:52:04.060 good gifts to his children. 1024 00:52:04.060 --> 00:52:05.760 I believe marriage is a good gift. 1025 00:52:07.260 --> 00:52:09.780 I believe that when a man finds an as are, 1026 00:52:09.780 --> 00:52:11.460 he finds favor from the Lord. 1027 00:52:11.460 --> 00:52:14.500 The Bible says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing 1028 00:52:14.500 --> 00:52:16.300 and obtains favor from the Lord. 1029 00:52:16.300 --> 00:52:18.420 Now he who finds a woman who was waiting for somebody 1030 00:52:18.420 --> 00:52:19.580 to be her best friend. 1031 00:52:19.580 --> 00:52:21.460 Now he who finds a woman who waits for somebody 1032 00:52:21.460 --> 00:52:22.380 to be her companion. 1033 00:52:22.380 --> 00:52:24.260 Now he who finds a woman who was waiting for a man 1034 00:52:24.260 --> 00:52:25.220 just to make babies. 1035 00:52:25.220 --> 00:52:27.300 Now he who found a woman who was just waiting for a man 1036 00:52:27.300 --> 00:52:29.300 to come complete her ideal of a family. 1037 00:52:29.300 --> 00:52:33.260 No, he who finds a wife, he who finds an as are, 1038 00:52:33.260 --> 00:52:34.660 a life giving source. 1039 00:52:34.660 --> 00:52:36.940 He who finds a warrior woman. 1040 00:52:39.260 --> 00:52:42.980 He finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. 1041 00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:47.060 There are things in a man that only a wife can unlock 1042 00:52:47.060 --> 00:52:48.920 because she was designed that way. 1043 00:52:48.920 --> 00:52:50.580 She's a multiplier. 1044 00:52:50.580 --> 00:52:51.500 That's who she is. 1045 00:52:51.500 --> 00:52:55.420 She is a life giving source. 1046 00:52:55.420 --> 00:52:59.820 From this woman flows life in all capacities. 1047 00:53:00.940 --> 00:53:03.260 Who do you know can push out a baby 1048 00:53:03.260 --> 00:53:05.660 and to be in between life and death, 1049 00:53:05.660 --> 00:53:07.260 give birth and in two hours later, 1050 00:53:07.260 --> 00:53:09.860 take that baby, pop on the breast and feed her baby? 1051 00:53:12.020 --> 00:53:14.620 Only a life giving source can do something like that. 1052 00:53:16.140 --> 00:53:17.260 Have you ever watched? 1053 00:53:17.260 --> 00:53:19.900 I've watched my sister and I've never given birth, 1054 00:53:20.020 --> 00:53:21.580 I've watched my sister give birth. 1055 00:53:21.580 --> 00:53:23.060 She had home births. 1056 00:53:23.060 --> 00:53:27.380 I've almost passed out at her groaning and grunting. 1057 00:53:27.380 --> 00:53:30.420 I did pass out, getting this baby out 1058 00:53:30.420 --> 00:53:34.260 after 12, 15, 20 hours of labor. 1059 00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:35.820 And then when her baby comes, 1060 00:53:35.820 --> 00:53:37.820 the joy that floods her face in two hours later, 1061 00:53:37.820 --> 00:53:40.260 she pops him on her breast and feeds her baby. 1062 00:53:42.540 --> 00:53:44.460 What a life giving source this woman is. 1063 00:53:44.460 --> 00:53:46.060 That's why he who finds a wife, 1064 00:53:46.060 --> 00:53:49.220 finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord. 1065 00:53:49.420 --> 00:53:53.380 You've got to be a favorite man to get yourself an Azar. 1066 00:53:53.380 --> 00:53:56.740 You've got to be a favorite man to get yourself a friend. 1067 00:53:56.740 --> 00:53:59.940 You've got to be a favorite man to get yourself a Nadine. 1068 00:53:59.940 --> 00:54:03.300 You've got to be a favorite man to get yourself a Karen. 1069 00:54:03.300 --> 00:54:04.660 Come on now! 1070 00:54:04.660 --> 00:54:08.500 You got to be a favorite man to get yourself a Daisy 1071 00:54:08.500 --> 00:54:11.620 and a Kelly and a Esther and a Nikki 1072 00:54:11.620 --> 00:54:13.340 and a Theta and a Kim. 1073 00:54:13.340 --> 00:54:15.580 You got to be favorite to get a loved better, 1074 00:54:15.580 --> 00:54:17.820 and I don't want say the wrong, 1075 00:54:18.780 --> 00:54:19.780 and a Cherish. 1076 00:54:19.780 --> 00:54:20.660 I got to say everybody's name 1077 00:54:20.660 --> 00:54:21.900 because I started saying it now. 1078 00:54:21.900 --> 00:54:26.860 And a Cindy and a Bunny and a Chantelle and a Kelly. 1079 00:54:26.860 --> 00:54:29.940 Then I get everybody and an Ebony baby. 1080 00:54:29.940 --> 00:54:31.180 Ask me my resume. 1081 00:54:31.180 --> 00:54:34.020 I tell that man, baby, I can pray us through any storm. 1082 00:54:34.020 --> 00:54:36.100 You just pick me and watch what's going to happen. 1083 00:54:36.100 --> 00:54:38.660 I speak to the mountains and they move. 1084 00:54:40.100 --> 00:54:43.700 And an Ari, you got to be a favorite man to get an Azar. 1085 00:54:44.580 --> 00:54:48.820 And so that's why perspective changes everything. 1086 00:54:48.820 --> 00:54:53.660 You find out that a well-equipped Azar can't be overlooked 1087 00:54:53.660 --> 00:54:56.940 because the Lord is looking for some Amandas in the land. 1088 00:54:56.940 --> 00:54:59.940 He's looking for Azars so that his kingdom will be. 1089 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.880 come and that his will will be done on earth as it is in heaven because he's a God of strategy 1090 00:55:04.880 --> 00:55:11.120 and assignment. And the same strategic God is the God who's orchestrating your life right now 1091 00:55:12.480 --> 00:55:21.440 because he is fulfilling a kingdom revival of marriages. All right, good. Okay, I hung out 1092 00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:26.240 there long enough. All right, where are we? Y'all don't know, but I do. So we kind of talked about 1093 00:55:26.240 --> 00:55:32.080 maximizing your current season, right? And so when you identify what season you're in, 1094 00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:39.360 maximize it. Don't let the trail just fall by the wayside. Don't miss an opportunity to be bold and 1095 00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:44.240 tell a guy with your own voice or over the phone that, hey, this is not going to work out. I know 1096 00:55:44.240 --> 00:55:49.920 you're afraid to do it, but do it. When you get through, you're going to feel like Superwoman. 1097 00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:54.000 I'm telling you, Wonder Woman. Ever since I seen Wonder Woman and moving, they were coming down 1098 00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:58.400 that hill on them horses with them arrows. I said, I got to be that kind of woman, right? That's 1099 00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:03.040 what it is I look like, I bet. Y'all remember Wonder Woman on their island? I don't know if 1100 00:56:03.040 --> 00:56:08.160 you've seen it before, but they were riding those horses and they was some bad women. Ever since 1101 00:56:08.160 --> 00:56:15.600 then, that's what I want to be. But seriously, these little things build something in you when 1102 00:56:15.600 --> 00:56:19.840 you're able to advocate for yourself. And when someone speaks to you a certain way and you say 1103 00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:27.280 with grace, hey, I noticed that you said this. Let's not use that language again. That's it. 1104 00:56:29.200 --> 00:56:34.000 When you resist the need to overexplain and when you resist the need to shut down and draw back, 1105 00:56:35.280 --> 00:56:40.160 like all of these things are coming, they're really small, but when you maximize in a season, 1106 00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:44.880 you take the opportunity because it's low stakes at this point. But if you shut down 1107 00:56:44.880 --> 00:56:50.720 and stonewall in your marriage, you're going to pay the cost for it. If you develop a culture in 1108 00:56:50.720 --> 00:56:54.960 your marriage like that very early on, you can't control your mouth. You're just going to say how 1109 00:56:54.960 --> 00:56:59.520 you feel. You're just frustrated. It's just the truth. I'm just going to let it out. It's going 1110 00:56:59.520 --> 00:57:04.800 to cost you because in the midst of all of that, when you come back and say sorry, it's not going 1111 00:57:04.800 --> 00:57:09.520 to change the scar you just put on the soul of the person that you're talking to. The same way the 1112 00:57:09.520 --> 00:57:13.280 scars got on your soul is the same way you're going to put them on somebody else's soul. And 1113 00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:17.040 if you don't learn to manage your nervous system, if you don't learn to manage your mouth, 1114 00:57:17.040 --> 00:57:20.480 and if you don't learn how to set boundaries so that when someone crosses your boundaries, 1115 00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:24.800 even your husband, you're going to say, whoa, let's talk about this later. We're not going to 1116 00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:30.400 use that language. You build those muscles now and you don't have to do it out of anger. 1117 00:57:30.400 --> 00:57:34.480 And will you be perfect? No, we're not asking for perfect people. We're asking you to maximize 1118 00:57:34.480 --> 00:57:41.040 the season that you're in because this season will soon pass. It don't stay forever, believe it or 1119 00:57:41.040 --> 00:57:48.640 not. Maximize our current season. I'm moving along. All right. I want you ladies to ask the 1120 00:57:48.640 --> 00:57:54.320 Lord God, ask the Lord this, what do you want to perfect in me before the appointed time? 1121 00:57:55.360 --> 00:58:01.040 Write that down. What do you want to perfect in me before the appointed time? I want you to ask 1122 00:58:01.040 --> 00:58:08.320 the Holy Spirit about this tonight. What do you want to perfect in me before the appointed time? 1123 00:58:11.760 --> 00:58:18.320 That's a good question. 1124 00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:32.800 I hope we got it all written down. If we don't, I'll repeat it. And then I want to say this word 1125 00:58:32.800 --> 00:58:38.000 of encouragement to you. This is not the end of it. We got two more. Recognize that preparation 1126 00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:48.720 is not punishment. Preparation is not punishment. It is simply part of the promise. 1127 00:58:50.160 --> 00:58:54.400 If you've ever been to school, you're going to get a degree when you get to the end, 1128 00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:57.200 if you do all the requirements and you take all the classes. 1129 00:58:59.040 --> 00:59:03.680 Is that right? There's nothing that you do in life that does not come with a process. 1130 00:59:08.640 --> 00:59:11.840 Everything comes with a process and the process is not just time. 1131 00:59:14.800 --> 00:59:21.280 It requires development. Okay. All right. So we said that some of the things that give us 1132 00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:27.040 perspective and perspectives gives us what we need to hold on to the promises made manifest 1133 00:59:27.040 --> 00:59:30.720 is understanding the purpose of marriage and who we are. If we understand who we are, 1134 00:59:30.720 --> 00:59:34.160 we need to understand where we're going and how we're going to get there. If you have that, 1135 00:59:34.160 --> 00:59:38.640 I promise you, you'll have strength to finish this journey. Okay. Because you're tracking with 1136 00:59:38.640 --> 00:59:44.080 the Lord. You're in partnership with the Lord. All right. Then you want to let God feel every 1137 00:59:44.080 --> 00:59:49.360 place in you that you believe marriage should have filled. Let God feel the places that he's 1138 00:59:49.360 --> 00:59:54.480 supposed to feel or places that you've misidentified and put it on marriage and maximize your current 1139 00:59:54.480 --> 00:59:59.200 season. Don't let any part of your development go to the waste because you understand who you are, 1140 00:59:59.200 --> 00:59:59.840 where you're going. 1141 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.800 How are you going to get there? 1142 01:00:01.800 --> 01:00:06.480 And you understand that your time is limited. 1143 01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:07.840 And it is true. 1144 01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:09.080 It is limited. 1145 01:00:09.080 --> 01:00:10.860 You don't have forever to get equipped. 1146 01:00:10.860 --> 01:00:12.280 But if you fail to get equipped, you'll 1147 01:00:12.280 --> 01:00:14.080 find yourself going around the same mountain 1148 01:00:14.080 --> 01:00:16.440 for a very long time. 1149 01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:18.560 And if any of you guys live life long enough, 1150 01:00:18.560 --> 01:00:20.680 you know what it's like to circle the same mountain 1151 01:00:20.680 --> 01:00:21.640 for a very long time. 1152 01:00:24.200 --> 01:00:27.840 And God is not usually moved by our tears of pity. 1153 01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:32.160 Especially because he knows our heart. 1154 01:00:32.160 --> 01:00:34.440 There's a difference when he knows and he doesn't know. 1155 01:00:34.440 --> 01:00:35.800 He knows it's happening, right? 1156 01:00:35.800 --> 01:00:39.480 All right, so trust God's process over comparison. 1157 01:00:39.480 --> 01:00:41.960 That's another thing that helps with perspective. 1158 01:00:41.960 --> 01:00:44.520 When you see things happen all around you, usually I say, 1159 01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:45.640 and I have a lot of different points 1160 01:00:45.640 --> 01:00:47.100 that I want to move along because I 1161 01:00:47.100 --> 01:00:49.880 want to take questions tonight. 1162 01:00:49.880 --> 01:00:52.040 But believe that God is good even 1163 01:00:52.040 --> 01:00:54.240 when it doesn't look like it. 1164 01:00:54.240 --> 01:00:56.880 So there are some things you have to be convinced of. 1165 01:00:56.880 --> 01:01:00.240 The Bible says that those who come to God, 1166 01:01:00.240 --> 01:01:03.320 they must first come believing that he is God. 1167 01:01:03.320 --> 01:01:05.320 And then that he is a rewarder of those 1168 01:01:05.320 --> 01:01:07.920 who diligently seek him. 1169 01:01:07.920 --> 01:01:11.560 If this is a principle, which is a scripture and is true, 1170 01:01:11.560 --> 01:01:13.680 if this is a principle that you live by, 1171 01:01:13.680 --> 01:01:15.960 you have to know that the work that you put in 1172 01:01:15.960 --> 01:01:18.080 will be rewarded. 1173 01:01:18.080 --> 01:01:21.160 Because when you came to God, you believe that he is God. 1174 01:01:21.160 --> 01:01:22.440 That he keeps his word. 1175 01:01:22.440 --> 01:01:24.280 He does what he says he's going to do. 1176 01:01:24.280 --> 01:01:26.960 And that if I allow the equipping, 1177 01:01:26.960 --> 01:01:29.480 if I allow the SRME to be equipped, 1178 01:01:29.480 --> 01:01:32.240 then he will reward me because I diligently seek him. 1179 01:01:32.240 --> 01:01:33.440 I continue. 1180 01:01:33.440 --> 01:01:36.640 I continue in the process. 1181 01:01:36.640 --> 01:01:38.720 Remember that God sees your whole story 1182 01:01:38.720 --> 01:01:39.960 from the end to the beginning. 1183 01:01:39.960 --> 01:01:42.280 He's the alpha and the omega all at the same time. 1184 01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:45.360 So no piece of it is missing for him. 1185 01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:48.520 And comparison just steals your joy. 1186 01:01:48.520 --> 01:01:53.040 And it's easy to do, especially with social media. 1187 01:01:53.040 --> 01:01:54.440 And hold on to this truth, 1188 01:01:54.440 --> 01:01:55.800 which is one of my favorite truths. 1189 01:01:55.800 --> 01:01:58.640 I don't like it that much, but I like it. 1190 01:01:58.640 --> 01:02:01.840 God makes all things beautiful in his time. 1191 01:02:01.840 --> 01:02:02.760 That's the word. 1192 01:02:02.760 --> 01:02:04.080 He makes all things beautiful. 1193 01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:07.600 He who began on good work in me is faithful to complete it. 1194 01:02:07.600 --> 01:02:09.080 The Bible says in a little book, 1195 01:02:09.080 --> 01:02:10.680 after you've suffered a little while, 1196 01:02:10.680 --> 01:02:13.120 that the Lord of all grace will come to establish you, 1197 01:02:13.120 --> 01:02:15.000 strengthen you, and settle you. 1198 01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:17.640 That's the word, right? 1199 01:02:17.640 --> 01:02:20.400 And so then the last thing is become the person 1200 01:02:20.400 --> 01:02:22.600 who can steward the promise. 1201 01:02:22.760 --> 01:02:24.440 That's a good one, ladies. 1202 01:02:24.440 --> 01:02:28.760 Become the person who can steward the promise. 1203 01:02:29.760 --> 01:02:31.080 How you guys think you've been doing 1204 01:02:31.080 --> 01:02:33.800 on stewarding the promise of marriage? 1205 01:02:33.800 --> 01:02:35.080 You're doing pretty good. 1206 01:02:35.080 --> 01:02:36.240 Think you've been hanging in there. 1207 01:02:36.240 --> 01:02:38.200 Some of us just got started. 1208 01:02:38.200 --> 01:02:39.760 Hopefully they've been doing really good. 1209 01:02:39.760 --> 01:02:41.800 If you believe in doing good, please, by all means say yes. 1210 01:02:41.800 --> 01:02:44.560 I believe I've been tracking pretty good. 1211 01:02:44.560 --> 01:02:48.920 If you believe that I need a couple of perspective shifts, 1212 01:02:48.920 --> 01:02:51.920 then you need a couple of perspective shifts. 1213 01:02:52.680 --> 01:02:54.680 And so we wanna become the person 1214 01:02:54.680 --> 01:02:56.160 that can steward the promise well. 1215 01:02:56.160 --> 01:02:59.080 So marriage is destiny-shaping decision, 1216 01:02:59.080 --> 01:03:00.800 not just a relationship status. 1217 01:03:00.800 --> 01:03:02.320 This is a really big deal. 1218 01:03:02.320 --> 01:03:06.480 Marriage is a destiny-shaping decision. 1219 01:03:06.480 --> 01:03:07.480 So take it. 1220 01:03:07.480 --> 01:03:10.520 You say, I wanna be married because I want a companion. 1221 01:03:10.520 --> 01:03:12.320 I want somebody to hang out with. 1222 01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:14.280 I want somebody to do this with. 1223 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:15.760 I wanna have a family. 1224 01:03:15.760 --> 01:03:17.600 I don't wanna be alone on the holidays. 1225 01:03:17.600 --> 01:03:19.720 I'm tired of being alone on the holidays. 1226 01:03:19.720 --> 01:03:21.440 I'm tired of not bringing somebody with me 1227 01:03:21.440 --> 01:03:23.040 with the family gatherings. 1228 01:03:23.040 --> 01:03:24.360 You know, we can on and off, 1229 01:03:24.360 --> 01:03:26.800 but those are some of mine that I put in there, right? 1230 01:03:26.800 --> 01:03:31.800 So that means that if this is what I see marriage is, 1231 01:03:32.920 --> 01:03:34.280 and then God says that marriage 1232 01:03:34.280 --> 01:03:37.280 is a destiny-shaping decision, 1233 01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:39.120 the two most important decisions you're gonna make 1234 01:03:39.120 --> 01:03:41.840 in your life is accepting Jesus and who you marry. 1235 01:03:41.840 --> 01:03:45.720 Who you marry can bury your destiny, and God knows it. 1236 01:03:46.720 --> 01:03:49.880 It is the truth. 1237 01:03:49.880 --> 01:03:52.960 Who you marry can, unless you divorce them and walk away, 1238 01:03:52.960 --> 01:03:54.960 and they're still gonna take from you. 1239 01:03:54.960 --> 01:03:57.040 It's still gonna hurt you. 1240 01:03:57.040 --> 01:03:58.880 Nobody marries to divorce. 1241 01:04:00.640 --> 01:04:03.160 Marriage is a destiny-shaping decision. 1242 01:04:03.160 --> 01:04:06.120 And so when your father speaks to you in love and says, 1243 01:04:06.120 --> 01:04:07.480 I need to equip you in this area, 1244 01:04:07.480 --> 01:04:08.880 I need to grow you in this area, 1245 01:04:08.880 --> 01:04:10.920 he knows what you do not know. 1246 01:04:10.920 --> 01:04:13.200 He sees what you do not see. 1247 01:04:13.200 --> 01:04:15.080 And if you're not equipped in this area, 1248 01:04:15.080 --> 01:04:17.720 and if your sole purpose is to marry for companionship, 1249 01:04:17.720 --> 01:04:19.240 if your sole purpose is marriage 1250 01:04:19.240 --> 01:04:21.600 so that you can have somebody to be with, 1251 01:04:21.600 --> 01:04:25.040 then you will accept less than heaven's best for your life, 1252 01:04:26.360 --> 01:04:29.360 no matter how many rules you put down on the paper. 1253 01:04:29.360 --> 01:04:31.000 Because you don't have perspective, 1254 01:04:31.000 --> 01:04:32.560 you don't have understanding. 1255 01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:36.380 And so what look good to you will do. 1256 01:04:38.480 --> 01:04:40.280 But you can't see five years, 10 years, 1257 01:04:40.280 --> 01:04:42.400 and you don't know the fullness of your destiny. 1258 01:04:42.400 --> 01:04:44.320 So you don't know that you just married somebody 1259 01:04:44.320 --> 01:04:46.920 that look good on paper, but they can't sharpen you. 1260 01:04:48.400 --> 01:04:49.800 You don't know when you marry them 1261 01:04:49.800 --> 01:04:51.320 that they not gonna let you be a Ezra 1262 01:04:51.320 --> 01:04:53.320 and call out the destiny in their life. 1263 01:04:54.640 --> 01:04:57.400 You don't know they're gonna become stuck in bitter 1264 01:04:57.400 --> 01:05:00.200 because they won't operate in the destiny of their life. 1265 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.480 You don't know these things. 1266 01:05:03.480 --> 01:05:05.120 You don't know that they won't be able to pull out 1267 01:05:05.120 --> 01:05:07.200 the destiny in you, make way for you 1268 01:05:07.200 --> 01:05:08.560 so that you can grow and expand. 1269 01:05:08.560 --> 01:05:09.780 You don't know they're gonna get jealous 1270 01:05:09.780 --> 01:05:11.480 when you figure out who God has called you to be 1271 01:05:11.480 --> 01:05:12.780 and you try to move in it. 1272 01:05:15.240 --> 01:05:16.480 You don't know that they gonna say, 1273 01:05:16.480 --> 01:05:18.480 no, we got babies, you need to stay at home. 1274 01:05:18.480 --> 01:05:19.560 You ain't going nowhere and teach. 1275 01:05:19.560 --> 01:05:20.640 You ain't going nowhere and do that. 1276 01:05:20.640 --> 01:05:22.260 We not having no house gatherings here. 1277 01:05:22.260 --> 01:05:23.440 You don't know that. 1278 01:05:24.460 --> 01:05:25.300 Do you understand? 1279 01:05:25.300 --> 01:05:26.480 Are you tracking with me? 1280 01:05:26.480 --> 01:05:28.720 Like there are a lot of ways that these things go. 1281 01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:31.880 Marriage is a destiny shaping decision. 1282 01:05:31.880 --> 01:05:34.780 And the father knows this and he doesn't lose track of it. 1283 01:05:37.960 --> 01:05:41.040 So if God called you to be a woman of influence, 1284 01:05:41.040 --> 01:05:43.000 there's gonna have to be a man suitable 1285 01:05:43.000 --> 01:05:44.820 for a woman of influence. 1286 01:05:46.960 --> 01:05:49.020 Hey, if you're a world changer, 1287 01:05:49.020 --> 01:05:50.560 there's gonna have to be a woman for that. 1288 01:05:50.560 --> 01:05:52.440 This man that you have children with, 1289 01:05:52.440 --> 01:05:54.200 if he doesn't know how to be a good father, 1290 01:05:54.200 --> 01:05:56.560 you are destiny shaping woman, you this woman, 1291 01:05:56.560 --> 01:05:58.800 but he comes in and he's harsh to the children 1292 01:05:58.800 --> 01:06:01.080 because he had a harsh father. 1293 01:06:01.080 --> 01:06:03.280 There's so many components that you don't give 1294 01:06:03.280 --> 01:06:04.440 add or count to. 1295 01:06:04.440 --> 01:06:06.520 You just count for what his resume looks like 1296 01:06:06.520 --> 01:06:08.600 in front of you and what he says and what you believe in. 1297 01:06:08.600 --> 01:06:10.620 There's some things you have to measure 1298 01:06:10.620 --> 01:06:12.400 based on the things you've been trained in. 1299 01:06:12.400 --> 01:06:15.560 I'm not saying that, but it's so destiny shaping 1300 01:06:15.560 --> 01:06:17.160 and shifting that is your lineage 1301 01:06:17.160 --> 01:06:19.040 in hanging in the balance. 1302 01:06:20.520 --> 01:06:22.000 It's your bloodline. 1303 01:06:23.560 --> 01:06:25.960 Okay, are we tracking with me? 1304 01:06:26.280 --> 01:06:27.120 Is this good? 1305 01:06:27.120 --> 01:06:27.960 Good to me. 1306 01:06:27.960 --> 01:06:30.040 I hope it's good to y'all. 1307 01:06:30.040 --> 01:06:32.760 And then examine areas of growth 1308 01:06:32.760 --> 01:06:35.160 that may affect the type of person you want to attract. 1309 01:06:35.160 --> 01:06:37.680 Examine the areas in you that need to grow 1310 01:06:37.680 --> 01:06:41.200 that may affect the type of people you attract. 1311 01:06:41.200 --> 01:06:43.200 Usually when there's a deficit in you, 1312 01:06:43.200 --> 01:06:44.760 where there's scarcity in you, 1313 01:06:44.760 --> 01:06:46.960 where you have this longing to be desired 1314 01:06:46.960 --> 01:06:49.040 and need to be needed and fulfilled, 1315 01:06:49.040 --> 01:06:52.880 usually love bummers work really well for you 1316 01:06:52.880 --> 01:06:55.680 because they say everything you've always wanted to hear. 1317 01:06:56.640 --> 01:07:00.440 I don't, love bummer, I like, I mean, 1318 01:07:00.440 --> 01:07:02.120 somebody love bummers, you'll feel good. 1319 01:07:02.120 --> 01:07:03.840 That's why people get love bummed. 1320 01:07:03.840 --> 01:07:05.080 It's no shame to you. 1321 01:07:05.080 --> 01:07:06.280 You didn't do it. 1322 01:07:07.520 --> 01:07:09.760 But the truth is they're filling spaces 1323 01:07:09.760 --> 01:07:13.080 that were left void because God wasn't filling them. 1324 01:07:14.600 --> 01:07:16.440 I've been loved before, love bummed before, 1325 01:07:16.440 --> 01:07:18.120 and I love every moment of it. 1326 01:07:19.120 --> 01:07:21.400 Like, oh, I'm so happy. 1327 01:07:21.400 --> 01:07:24.280 I like the text and the call and the attention. 1328 01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:25.120 I liked it all. 1329 01:07:25.120 --> 01:07:26.560 There's nothing wrong with you liking texts 1330 01:07:26.560 --> 01:07:28.360 and calls and attention. 1331 01:07:28.360 --> 01:07:30.480 But what happens is when there's a void there 1332 01:07:30.480 --> 01:07:32.480 and you've not allowed God to fill those spaces 1333 01:07:32.480 --> 01:07:35.160 in your heart, that person will come and fill the spaces. 1334 01:07:35.160 --> 01:07:37.000 So it don't be just what they're saying. 1335 01:07:37.000 --> 01:07:39.560 They're filling a space that you need to be filled. 1336 01:07:39.560 --> 01:07:41.600 You want to be filled, okay? 1337 01:07:41.600 --> 01:07:42.760 So become a person. 1338 01:07:42.760 --> 01:07:44.760 Focus on becoming, prepare for marriage, 1339 01:07:44.760 --> 01:07:46.920 not just obtaining marriage. 1340 01:07:46.920 --> 01:07:50.680 Allow God to mature your character, your emotional health, 1341 01:07:50.680 --> 01:07:53.080 and my God, that nervous system. 1342 01:07:53.080 --> 01:07:56.760 Come on, we got to work on that nervous system. 1343 01:07:56.760 --> 01:08:00.240 Okay, did y'all like it? 1344 01:08:00.240 --> 01:08:01.160 Yeah? 1345 01:08:01.160 --> 01:08:04.400 Okay, what was the question that you posted? 1346 01:08:08.640 --> 01:08:10.720 Whoever you are, I'm sorry, 1347 01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:12.480 I'm not thinking straight right now. 1348 01:08:12.480 --> 01:08:13.960 I asked you to save that question. 1349 01:08:13.960 --> 01:08:16.200 Daisy, ask that question to me. 1350 01:08:16.200 --> 01:08:21.200 And then we'll answer Fran's question too, 1351 01:08:23.840 --> 01:08:25.200 cause that's a really good question. 1352 01:08:25.200 --> 01:08:26.920 Go for it, Daisy. 1353 01:08:26.920 --> 01:08:28.120 Hey, Ebony. 1354 01:08:28.120 --> 01:08:28.960 Hey. 1355 01:08:28.960 --> 01:08:32.319 I was trying to remember the question exactly, but. 1356 01:08:32.319 --> 01:08:33.800 I can tell you the question. 1357 01:08:35.279 --> 01:08:37.439 The question was. 1358 01:08:37.439 --> 01:08:38.680 Something about like. 1359 01:08:40.160 --> 01:08:42.600 Are you saying we're learning to just let him be 1360 01:08:42.600 --> 01:08:44.240 and stay quiet more? 1361 01:08:44.240 --> 01:08:45.479 What do you mean by that? 1362 01:08:46.880 --> 01:08:50.240 Well, I'm trying to always, 1363 01:08:50.240 --> 01:08:51.640 I'm always trying to figure out like 1364 01:08:51.640 --> 01:08:56.640 what I could do differently than when I was married before. 1365 01:08:57.120 --> 01:08:59.240 Like I don't want to make the same mistakes. 1366 01:08:59.240 --> 01:09:02.479 And it wasn't like I was always being critical, 1367 01:09:02.479 --> 01:09:07.479 but I would ask, like I'd want to plan together 1368 01:09:08.560 --> 01:09:11.600 and just, you know, see what he had in mind 1369 01:09:11.600 --> 01:09:14.200 as far as the future and things like that. 1370 01:09:14.200 --> 01:09:19.200 And he never really wanted to make plans together. 1371 01:09:23.200 --> 01:09:28.040 You know, I just felt like it was like his life and my life 1372 01:09:28.040 --> 01:09:31.479 and we weren't doing any building together. 1373 01:09:31.479 --> 01:09:32.319 Yeah. 1374 01:09:32.319 --> 01:09:36.359 So I don't know if me bringing those things up 1375 01:09:36.359 --> 01:09:41.359 or just asking, you know, like, 1376 01:09:41.359 --> 01:09:44.200 are we not, is it not good to do that? 1377 01:09:44.200 --> 01:09:49.200 Is it good to just kind of let them be who they are? 1378 01:09:51.359 --> 01:09:54.160 But I guess maybe it goes back to dating, 1379 01:09:54.160 --> 01:09:56.760 but in dating, he was totally different. 1380 01:09:56.760 --> 01:10:00.200 You know, he did show. 1381 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.280 I feel like he had these goals and things like that, 1382 01:10:03.280 --> 01:10:08.160 but I just don't wanna make the same mistakes. 1383 01:10:08.160 --> 01:10:10.480 Yeah, so I hear you, what you're saying. 1384 01:10:10.480 --> 01:10:12.640 Now, you probably could track back dating 1385 01:10:12.640 --> 01:10:14.440 to his behavior that he showed you, 1386 01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:17.720 if you actually evaluated it. 1387 01:10:17.720 --> 01:10:20.600 Either he started stuff and didn't finish it, 1388 01:10:20.600 --> 01:10:22.360 he wasn't very accomplished, 1389 01:10:22.360 --> 01:10:23.780 he had big goals and big dreams 1390 01:10:23.780 --> 01:10:25.240 and didn't have much follow through, 1391 01:10:25.240 --> 01:10:27.520 maybe he lacked some structure in some places. 1392 01:10:27.520 --> 01:10:29.120 There are a lot of places you could find 1393 01:10:29.120 --> 01:10:31.380 that man the way he showed up in marriage. 1394 01:10:31.380 --> 01:10:33.680 There wasn't not one, I don't believe 1395 01:10:33.680 --> 01:10:36.720 you won't be able to find something that points to that. 1396 01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:38.000 Yeah. Okay. 1397 01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:40.200 So, and so what we're saying is, 1398 01:10:40.200 --> 01:10:42.740 so when you measure things out this way, 1399 01:10:42.740 --> 01:10:44.440 then Daisy, this go around, 1400 01:10:44.440 --> 01:10:47.680 you're saying, I want a man who's marriage-minded. 1401 01:10:48.840 --> 01:10:51.160 Marriage-minded, when a person gets married 1402 01:10:51.160 --> 01:10:52.680 and they're marriage-minded, 1403 01:10:52.680 --> 01:10:55.220 they know that the two are becoming one. 1404 01:10:55.980 --> 01:10:59.780 And then you're gonna look to see, 1405 01:10:59.780 --> 01:11:01.480 how does this person partner? 1406 01:11:02.500 --> 01:11:04.140 Do they do partnership well? 1407 01:11:04.140 --> 01:11:05.780 Have they learned partnership? 1408 01:11:05.780 --> 01:11:07.780 How strong are their partnership muscles? 1409 01:11:07.780 --> 01:11:09.020 You don't have to be married for that, 1410 01:11:09.020 --> 01:11:11.220 you don't have if we were married questions, 1411 01:11:11.220 --> 01:11:12.700 that doesn't get you there. 1412 01:11:12.700 --> 01:11:15.060 You can look at, go play golf together, 1413 01:11:15.060 --> 01:11:16.380 go play a game together, 1414 01:11:16.380 --> 01:11:18.420 listen to how they partner with people on their job, 1415 01:11:18.420 --> 01:11:20.020 listen to their scenarios, 1416 01:11:20.020 --> 01:11:22.240 ask the Lord to highlight to you 1417 01:11:22.240 --> 01:11:24.920 their partnership abilities and skills. 1418 01:11:25.780 --> 01:11:30.100 So what you wanna do is focus more on the character trait 1419 01:11:30.100 --> 01:11:34.040 that produces versus the situation. 1420 01:11:35.900 --> 01:11:36.740 Right? 1421 01:11:37.860 --> 01:11:39.120 Does that make sense? 1422 01:11:39.120 --> 01:11:40.600 Yeah, it makes sense. 1423 01:11:42.060 --> 01:11:46.500 Yeah, I can remember that I told him 1424 01:11:46.500 --> 01:11:49.320 I was pretty upfront with when we started dating 1425 01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:52.660 and I said, look, I'm older, like we're both older. 1426 01:11:52.660 --> 01:11:54.400 We were in our mid thirties. 1427 01:11:55.700 --> 01:11:58.140 I said, I'm not looking to date long-term, 1428 01:11:58.140 --> 01:11:59.540 I've already done that. 1429 01:11:59.540 --> 01:12:04.540 And I feel like you should be able to know 1430 01:12:05.220 --> 01:12:09.020 whether you want to marry this person within a year. 1431 01:12:09.020 --> 01:12:13.220 And we were okay about that. 1432 01:12:13.220 --> 01:12:14.980 Like he seemed fine to, 1433 01:12:16.060 --> 01:12:19.740 he said he usually takes longer, like he needs more time, 1434 01:12:19.740 --> 01:12:23.360 but he kept dating, he wanted to keep dating. 1435 01:12:23.360 --> 01:12:28.360 So when the time came up to where it was already, 1436 01:12:29.720 --> 01:12:33.560 the year was coming up, I was getting a little bit antsy 1437 01:12:33.560 --> 01:12:36.680 and I would bring up the fact that 1438 01:12:36.680 --> 01:12:38.280 we kind of already should know. 1439 01:12:38.280 --> 01:12:43.280 And if he didn't feel like he wanted to be married, 1440 01:12:43.520 --> 01:12:47.040 that was okay, that we could part, 1441 01:12:47.040 --> 01:12:49.120 I would have no hard feelings, 1442 01:12:49.120 --> 01:12:51.000 he just wasn't ready and whatever, 1443 01:12:51.960 --> 01:12:55.680 we would part with being okay. 1444 01:12:55.680 --> 01:12:56.920 There was no hard feelings. 1445 01:12:56.920 --> 01:13:01.920 And he just didn't want to break up. 1446 01:13:02.040 --> 01:13:04.360 He just didn't want to break up. 1447 01:13:04.360 --> 01:13:07.240 So like he gave in to getting married 1448 01:13:07.240 --> 01:13:09.720 and I just allowed that. 1449 01:13:09.720 --> 01:13:13.500 And I think probably because of scarcity mindset, 1450 01:13:13.500 --> 01:13:15.940 maybe because I was older already. 1451 01:13:16.940 --> 01:13:21.940 And so in some ways I feel like I was marriage minded 1452 01:13:26.460 --> 01:13:27.580 and I was pretty upfront, 1453 01:13:27.580 --> 01:13:31.580 but then later I allowed myself to just, 1454 01:13:33.980 --> 01:13:36.800 I don't know, give in and just kind of settle, 1455 01:13:36.800 --> 01:13:38.780 even though I sort of saw, 1456 01:13:38.780 --> 01:13:42.260 I did see a lot of red flags or yellow flags 1457 01:13:42.260 --> 01:13:43.620 or whatever they're called, 1458 01:13:43.820 --> 01:13:47.660 things that maybe, yeah, he just wasn't ready. 1459 01:13:47.660 --> 01:13:52.660 And the fact that he was asking for more time to get married, 1460 01:13:53.300 --> 01:13:56.940 but I was just dead set on like, 1461 01:13:56.940 --> 01:13:59.780 if you don't know, that means you don't want to marry me, 1462 01:13:59.780 --> 01:14:01.620 you know, like we should just break up. 1463 01:14:01.620 --> 01:14:06.620 But he just didn't want to and I just went along with it. 1464 01:14:08.220 --> 01:14:10.620 Yeah, so it's very possible he entered the marriage 1465 01:14:10.620 --> 01:14:12.580 with a lot of resentment towards you. 1466 01:14:13.100 --> 01:14:14.740 A lot of times you'll find that men, 1467 01:14:14.740 --> 01:14:17.180 when a woman pressures them into a decision, 1468 01:14:17.180 --> 01:14:19.660 you think they did what you want, but they resent you 1469 01:14:19.660 --> 01:14:23.820 and it comes back and they rebel against you in areas. 1470 01:14:23.820 --> 01:14:25.140 So if you were going to plan something, 1471 01:14:25.140 --> 01:14:26.980 he's like, I ain't planning nothing with you. 1472 01:14:26.980 --> 01:14:28.340 You think you know everything, 1473 01:14:28.340 --> 01:14:29.940 everything's supposed to go your way. 1474 01:14:29.940 --> 01:14:31.360 You can know what he thinks about you, 1475 01:14:31.360 --> 01:14:32.620 just tell me what he said about you 1476 01:14:32.620 --> 01:14:34.220 every time y'all got to arguing. 1477 01:14:35.300 --> 01:14:36.940 There's something he said about you 1478 01:14:36.940 --> 01:14:39.060 over and over and over again. 1479 01:14:39.060 --> 01:14:41.500 That's the thing, we didn't argue. 1480 01:14:41.500 --> 01:14:43.740 We didn't really communicate. 1481 01:14:43.740 --> 01:14:46.060 Oh, well, that's interesting. 1482 01:14:46.060 --> 01:14:46.900 Yeah. 1483 01:14:46.900 --> 01:14:48.420 Y'all communicated for one year 1484 01:14:48.420 --> 01:14:50.580 and then completely stopped? 1485 01:14:50.580 --> 01:14:55.260 Yeah, I mean, he would be interested, he was dating, 1486 01:14:55.260 --> 01:14:58.140 he would do things that I liked and you know, 1487 01:14:58.140 --> 01:14:58.980 but, 1488 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.960 There were a lot of red flags and things that he would say 1489 01:15:02.960 --> 01:15:06.760 that I just didn't appreciate being talked to that way. 1490 01:15:06.760 --> 01:15:10.360 And, you know, he would do things because I wanted him to, 1491 01:15:10.360 --> 01:15:13.160 but he wasn't like coming from a place 1492 01:15:13.160 --> 01:15:15.120 where he really wanted to. 1493 01:15:16.840 --> 01:15:19.800 So I'm just very hesitant 1494 01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:22.780 to not make the same mistakes again. 1495 01:15:22.780 --> 01:15:27.780 And I'm just trying to figure out 1496 01:15:27.820 --> 01:15:31.500 like what I need to do different in. 1497 01:15:31.500 --> 01:15:34.380 And it's been really helpful to be in this community 1498 01:15:34.380 --> 01:15:37.100 to hear you say even tonight about dating, 1499 01:15:37.100 --> 01:15:40.240 again, to say, when you date for discovery, 1500 01:15:40.240 --> 01:15:42.940 it's not to look for a man to marry, 1501 01:15:42.940 --> 01:15:47.140 it's just to see what God is gonna develop in us 1502 01:15:47.140 --> 01:15:48.940 or allow God to develop things in us. 1503 01:15:48.940 --> 01:15:52.180 So that's really helpful to know, 1504 01:15:52.180 --> 01:15:53.640 to just keep that in mind. 1505 01:15:54.240 --> 01:15:55.560 Yeah. 1506 01:15:55.560 --> 01:15:57.440 And Daisy, I'm gonna tell you this. 1507 01:15:57.440 --> 01:15:59.920 When you focus on a foundation of marriage, 1508 01:15:59.920 --> 01:16:01.840 minor, mature and masculine, 1509 01:16:01.840 --> 01:16:04.200 and you start to grow and allow people to show up 1510 01:16:04.200 --> 01:16:06.400 as they are and not, 1511 01:16:06.400 --> 01:16:09.440 so then you sound like you were really headset 1512 01:16:09.440 --> 01:16:11.760 on I need to be married, it's gonna be my way. 1513 01:16:11.760 --> 01:16:14.480 He acquiesced, he did everything you wanted him to do, 1514 01:16:14.480 --> 01:16:15.720 no matter how he felt. 1515 01:16:15.720 --> 01:16:16.880 There was a level of resentment 1516 01:16:16.880 --> 01:16:18.420 that sounds like it was built up. 1517 01:16:18.420 --> 01:16:20.600 Everything came falling apart and crumbling down 1518 01:16:20.600 --> 01:16:22.280 that usually what happens when a man does 1519 01:16:22.280 --> 01:16:24.280 what a woman wants him to do all the time, 1520 01:16:24.280 --> 01:16:26.040 that's just not your marriage, it's my marriage, 1521 01:16:26.040 --> 01:16:28.400 it's other people's marriage that I know, okay? 1522 01:16:28.400 --> 01:16:29.560 That's a thing. 1523 01:16:29.560 --> 01:16:31.680 But I want you to not have fear 1524 01:16:31.680 --> 01:16:33.320 that you're gonna repeat that pattern 1525 01:16:33.320 --> 01:16:35.400 because you're a different person. 1526 01:16:35.400 --> 01:16:39.280 And you saw that that did not serve you best. 1527 01:16:39.280 --> 01:16:41.400 So that means when you know a person 1528 01:16:41.400 --> 01:16:42.480 is not ready to be married, 1529 01:16:42.480 --> 01:16:44.400 first of all, you wouldn't be dating them for a year 1530 01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:47.760 and not some discussion, not being a part of this community. 1531 01:16:47.760 --> 01:16:49.480 But not if we told you, 1532 01:16:49.480 --> 01:16:51.640 we could tell you, you could do what you wanna do. 1533 01:16:51.680 --> 01:16:53.800 But once you see this time 1534 01:16:53.800 --> 01:16:55.760 that this person is not marriage-minded, 1535 01:16:55.760 --> 01:16:58.480 you're not gonna tell them to make a choice, 1536 01:16:58.480 --> 01:17:00.120 you're gonna make a choice. 1537 01:17:01.560 --> 01:17:04.320 Last time you put pressure on him to make a choice, 1538 01:17:04.320 --> 01:17:06.080 you knew that he wasn't ready. 1539 01:17:06.080 --> 01:17:08.240 You were supposed to make a choice at that point. 1540 01:17:08.240 --> 01:17:10.840 But at that point, you had a different perspective. 1541 01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:13.400 Put in a year with him. 1542 01:17:13.400 --> 01:17:15.280 So I want you to know there are other elements 1543 01:17:15.280 --> 01:17:16.920 of why you made the decision, 1544 01:17:16.920 --> 01:17:19.640 not just your isolated decision. 1545 01:17:19.640 --> 01:17:21.000 And that's why I'm more confident 1546 01:17:21.360 --> 01:17:23.040 that you won't make the decision again, 1547 01:17:23.040 --> 01:17:24.680 because it wasn't isolated. 1548 01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:27.520 Does that make sense? 1549 01:17:27.520 --> 01:17:28.920 It was comfortable. 1550 01:17:28.920 --> 01:17:30.320 It had a lot more things in it. 1551 01:17:30.320 --> 01:17:32.360 Yeah, but that was a great question. 1552 01:17:32.360 --> 01:17:33.200 Yeah. 1553 01:17:33.200 --> 01:17:34.200 No, thank you. 1554 01:17:34.200 --> 01:17:36.720 It's been super helpful to be in this community. 1555 01:17:36.720 --> 01:17:38.080 So thank you so much. 1556 01:17:38.080 --> 01:17:39.760 You're welcome, you're welcome. 1557 01:17:39.760 --> 01:17:42.360 So Fran, what about people getting into godly marriage 1558 01:17:42.360 --> 01:17:43.200 in their 20s? 1559 01:17:43.200 --> 01:17:46.520 Does this mean that they were ready and prepared early? 1560 01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:48.360 No, not most of the time. 1561 01:17:48.360 --> 01:17:52.680 And or, so this is a good question 1562 01:17:52.680 --> 01:17:55.160 because this is something that I've discussed so many times. 1563 01:17:55.160 --> 01:17:57.680 This stuff is like a case study with me. 1564 01:17:57.680 --> 01:18:01.000 But I can say, I look at my sister. 1565 01:18:01.000 --> 01:18:04.400 My sister got married when she was about 21. 1566 01:18:04.400 --> 01:18:07.040 Her and her husband have five children. 1567 01:18:07.040 --> 01:18:10.400 They do ministry, wonderful. 1568 01:18:10.400 --> 01:18:13.520 And so then I asked myself, Fran, what was I doing at 21? 1569 01:18:14.520 --> 01:18:18.320 What was I doing at 22, 23, 24? 1570 01:18:19.560 --> 01:18:21.080 I was in school. 1571 01:18:21.080 --> 01:18:22.800 My mind wasn't on a family. 1572 01:18:22.800 --> 01:18:24.520 My mind wasn't on marriage. 1573 01:18:24.520 --> 01:18:25.920 I can't explain, I asked a little, 1574 01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:27.920 why wasn't I thinking about it? 1575 01:18:27.920 --> 01:18:30.200 Why didn't I know that I needed time for children? 1576 01:18:30.200 --> 01:18:32.640 But I wasn't programmed that way. 1577 01:18:32.640 --> 01:18:34.280 My mind was far from marriage. 1578 01:18:34.280 --> 01:18:35.120 I wanted marriage. 1579 01:18:35.120 --> 01:18:37.600 I had an ideal of marriage, but I was still in school. 1580 01:18:37.600 --> 01:18:38.840 I was still doing these things. 1581 01:18:38.840 --> 01:18:41.840 I was doing that thing while my sister was raising a family. 1582 01:18:42.840 --> 01:18:43.920 Do you understand what I'm saying? 1583 01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:44.760 And so, 1584 01:18:47.280 --> 01:18:48.120 their marriages will tell you, 1585 01:18:48.120 --> 01:18:50.320 they have a marriage ministry now. 1586 01:18:50.320 --> 01:18:53.440 It costs a lot not to be prepared in certain areas. 1587 01:18:53.440 --> 01:18:55.160 It costs a lot when you don't know your identity 1588 01:18:55.160 --> 01:18:56.560 and you go into marriage. 1589 01:18:57.600 --> 01:18:58.440 It's just what it is. 1590 01:18:58.440 --> 01:19:00.000 You have to learn on the job. 1591 01:19:01.040 --> 01:19:03.680 And so I think that some learn on the job, 1592 01:19:03.680 --> 01:19:05.280 some never learn, 1593 01:19:05.280 --> 01:19:09.760 and some get to marry in hindsight. 1594 01:19:09.800 --> 01:19:11.720 Some get to be like us, 1595 01:19:11.720 --> 01:19:13.720 they get to make a choice. 1596 01:19:13.720 --> 01:19:18.720 We get to make a very educated, 1597 01:19:19.120 --> 01:19:21.800 growth, developmental choice. 1598 01:19:25.120 --> 01:19:27.560 And a lot of the battles and a lot of the heals 1599 01:19:27.560 --> 01:19:29.920 and the things that other people had to learn that way, 1600 01:19:29.920 --> 01:19:31.440 you won't learn that way. 1601 01:19:31.440 --> 01:19:32.840 And both are okay. 1602 01:19:35.120 --> 01:19:37.200 And so we have to accept that for some of us, 1603 01:19:37.200 --> 01:19:39.920 marriage came later and some of us marriage came earlier. 1604 01:19:39.920 --> 01:19:41.920 And I don't know how that happens. 1605 01:19:41.920 --> 01:19:43.880 I don't know if I could have been married earlier 1606 01:19:43.880 --> 01:19:45.360 if I had a different perspective. 1607 01:19:45.360 --> 01:19:47.560 That wasn't the perspective of my household. 1608 01:19:48.520 --> 01:19:50.600 My mama said, you gonna graduate and go to college. 1609 01:19:50.600 --> 01:19:52.320 That what you gonna do. 1610 01:19:52.320 --> 01:19:54.960 She didn't say that you're gonna go graduate, 1611 01:19:54.960 --> 01:19:57.000 go to college, find a husband. 1612 01:19:57.000 --> 01:19:59.360 Some people in the community that I'm from, 1613 01:19:59.360 --> 01:20:00.560 depend on their parents. 1614 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.180 culture, they go to school just to find a spouse. 1615 01:20:03.180 --> 01:20:06.280 They have a degree, but they're homemakers. 1616 01:20:06.280 --> 01:20:07.440 I wasn't programmed that way. 1617 01:20:07.440 --> 01:20:09.920 I came from a lineage of women 1618 01:20:09.920 --> 01:20:12.560 who believe in education and degrees. 1619 01:20:14.320 --> 01:20:17.120 And that's just, that was what I came into. 1620 01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:19.200 Does that help you, friend, with that? 1621 01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:25.720 Yeah, I have thought to wish that sometimes, 1622 01:20:25.720 --> 01:20:29.720 like I wish I would have had a mindset of family, 1623 01:20:29.720 --> 01:20:33.520 but then again, you know, I don't know. 1624 01:20:33.520 --> 01:20:34.480 I don't know. 1625 01:20:34.480 --> 01:20:35.880 Here I am. 1626 01:20:35.880 --> 01:20:40.480 Everybody has a different plight in life 1627 01:20:40.480 --> 01:20:43.460 and not necessarily, you know, so many I don't knows. 1628 01:20:43.460 --> 01:20:44.840 One thing I don't fully understand 1629 01:20:44.840 --> 01:20:47.560 is the dating for discovery rather than marriage. 1630 01:20:47.560 --> 01:20:50.480 Wow, to also be looking for someone marriage-minded. 1631 01:20:50.480 --> 01:20:52.000 Could someone please clarify? 1632 01:20:52.000 --> 01:20:54.280 Ding, ding, ding, I can. 1633 01:20:54.280 --> 01:20:55.720 So let me break it down. 1634 01:20:55.720 --> 01:20:57.720 This is how the program is set up. 1635 01:20:57.720 --> 01:20:58.960 And I know you're saying, all right, I know, 1636 01:20:59.600 --> 01:21:01.360 just hear me out, Esther. 1637 01:21:01.360 --> 01:21:03.800 So in phase one, you go through the hard work. 1638 01:21:03.800 --> 01:21:06.480 We're hoping that we can deal with anything. 1639 01:21:06.480 --> 01:21:08.280 Oh, I love this, this is very confused too. 1640 01:21:08.280 --> 01:21:09.280 It is confusing. 1641 01:21:09.280 --> 01:21:10.720 I used to be confused too. 1642 01:21:11.840 --> 01:21:13.800 I used to be so confused. 1643 01:21:13.800 --> 01:21:14.960 So you go through the hard work, 1644 01:21:14.960 --> 01:21:17.080 you do the things that we need to get your heart healthy. 1645 01:21:17.080 --> 01:21:18.560 Hopefully we dealt with those things. 1646 01:21:18.560 --> 01:21:22.040 If not, oh well, it all comes out in the wash. 1647 01:21:22.040 --> 01:21:23.620 Jackie designed this program 1648 01:21:23.620 --> 01:21:25.280 so that when you come into dating, 1649 01:21:25.280 --> 01:21:28.760 you will begin to discover things about yourself 1650 01:21:29.600 --> 01:21:32.040 and discovering things about yourself through dating 1651 01:21:32.040 --> 01:21:35.480 because nothing scratches at you like dating. 1652 01:21:35.480 --> 01:21:37.480 Who can attest to that? 1653 01:21:37.480 --> 01:21:40.240 Don't nothing, it is the way that this dating 1654 01:21:40.240 --> 01:21:42.400 can irritate you and get to you and hurt you. 1655 01:21:42.400 --> 01:21:44.800 It gets to places, you'll put up walls, 1656 01:21:44.800 --> 01:21:48.320 you'll throw up brick walls, all to save yourself, 1657 01:21:48.320 --> 01:21:49.880 all to protect yourself. 1658 01:21:49.880 --> 01:21:51.560 You will forecast into the future. 1659 01:21:51.560 --> 01:21:52.560 You want certainty. 1660 01:21:52.560 --> 01:21:57.560 You realize that you lack the ability to be curious. 1661 01:21:57.560 --> 01:22:00.080 And somebody they've already developed this in them, 1662 01:22:00.080 --> 01:22:01.440 then they don't. 1663 01:22:01.440 --> 01:22:05.260 Some of us will find that we lean toward, 1664 01:22:05.260 --> 01:22:06.520 however we learn love, 1665 01:22:06.520 --> 01:22:08.640 if it wasn't a secure attachment in our household, 1666 01:22:08.640 --> 01:22:10.720 we've learned avoidant, we've learned anxiousness, 1667 01:22:10.720 --> 01:22:12.000 we've learned disorganized, 1668 01:22:12.000 --> 01:22:13.920 we've learned love some type of way. 1669 01:22:13.920 --> 01:22:15.920 And all of this will come up in dating. 1670 01:22:15.920 --> 01:22:18.980 And so what we believe is that when you date 1671 01:22:18.980 --> 01:22:20.520 in a low stakes way, 1672 01:22:20.520 --> 01:22:23.500 you learn to discover things about yourself, 1673 01:22:25.400 --> 01:22:26.780 yourself only. 1674 01:22:26.780 --> 01:22:28.940 And then we help you with boundaries 1675 01:22:28.940 --> 01:22:29.980 if you watch the video. 1676 01:22:29.980 --> 01:22:32.940 So boundaries says to guard your heart with our diligence, 1677 01:22:32.940 --> 01:22:34.980 these are the boundaries. 1678 01:22:34.980 --> 01:22:36.100 The boundaries are, 1679 01:22:36.100 --> 01:22:38.320 I'm not gonna talk about emotionally heavy things 1680 01:22:38.320 --> 01:22:39.360 on my first date, 1681 01:22:40.780 --> 01:22:42.560 or even in the first weeks. 1682 01:22:42.560 --> 01:22:44.420 Boundaries are I'm not gonna read a Bible 1683 01:22:44.420 --> 01:22:46.300 or study scriptures with a man. 1684 01:22:46.300 --> 01:22:47.500 Because when we do this, 1685 01:22:47.500 --> 01:22:49.620 and this is even proven in science, 1686 01:22:49.620 --> 01:22:50.460 when you do this, 1687 01:22:50.460 --> 01:22:52.980 you believe you know a person better than you do. 1688 01:22:52.980 --> 01:22:55.260 And you get this very ideal of, 1689 01:22:55.260 --> 01:22:58.020 well, you know, I'm seeing them the way God sees them. 1690 01:22:58.020 --> 01:23:00.420 No, no, baby, you need to see them as they are. 1691 01:23:02.340 --> 01:23:04.980 God can see people where they gonna be 30 years from now. 1692 01:23:04.980 --> 01:23:06.840 You wanna live through 30 years of hell? 1693 01:23:06.840 --> 01:23:07.940 I don't think so. 1694 01:23:07.940 --> 01:23:11.060 You need to see these people as they are in front of you. 1695 01:23:11.060 --> 01:23:12.900 When a person shows you who they are, 1696 01:23:12.900 --> 01:23:14.600 you better believe them. 1697 01:23:16.100 --> 01:23:17.020 Okay? 1698 01:23:17.020 --> 01:23:18.980 And so then you get to go, 1699 01:23:18.980 --> 01:23:19.940 I forgot where I was at. 1700 01:23:19.940 --> 01:23:20.780 That's just no problem, 1701 01:23:20.780 --> 01:23:22.140 shouldn't have went off on that little tangent, 1702 01:23:22.140 --> 01:23:23.820 but that's a real thing. 1703 01:23:23.820 --> 01:23:27.860 So you get to see how you handle yourself. 1704 01:23:27.860 --> 01:23:28.820 Oh, boundaries. 1705 01:23:28.820 --> 01:23:31.980 So we don't do Bible talking, scriptures, 1706 01:23:31.980 --> 01:23:34.300 and praying together in the early stages of dating, 1707 01:23:34.300 --> 01:23:36.020 maybe after you go exclusive. 1708 01:23:36.020 --> 01:23:38.260 And then you don't do physical touch. 1709 01:23:39.500 --> 01:23:42.020 This is our boundaries, but you can look it up. 1710 01:23:42.020 --> 01:23:43.580 Once you start doing physical touch 1711 01:23:43.580 --> 01:23:45.540 and kissing all of these things, 1712 01:23:45.540 --> 01:23:47.700 baby, you get blinded. 1713 01:23:47.700 --> 01:23:50.480 Something happens in the mind. 1714 01:23:50.480 --> 01:23:52.740 It can't function the same no more. 1715 01:23:52.740 --> 01:23:53.780 You know how that feeling starts 1716 01:23:53.780 --> 01:23:54.980 going all through your body? 1717 01:23:54.980 --> 01:23:56.420 You can lay in the bed and feel it. 1718 01:23:56.420 --> 01:23:57.260 It could have been, 1719 01:23:57.260 --> 01:23:59.180 because you know it lasts about 24 hours in a woman. 1720 01:23:59.180 --> 01:24:04.180 I think it's oxytocin is released. 1721 01:24:04.420 --> 01:24:06.220 And you just feel it all through your body. 1722 01:24:06.220 --> 01:24:07.940 Even the next day, you think about the kissing, 1723 01:24:07.940 --> 01:24:09.300 run back down through your body. 1724 01:24:09.300 --> 01:24:11.380 I'm telling you, my God. 1725 01:24:11.380 --> 01:24:14.160 And so when we're dating for discovery, 1726 01:24:14.160 --> 01:24:17.420 we're setting ourselves up in a low stakes way 1727 01:24:17.420 --> 01:24:19.740 so that we can learn about ourselves, 1728 01:24:19.780 --> 01:24:21.980 so that we can maximize the season 1729 01:24:21.980 --> 01:24:25.220 that we're in and develop these areas. 1730 01:24:25.220 --> 01:24:26.460 And so some of us may find 1731 01:24:26.460 --> 01:24:29.380 that we feel very entitled during this time. 1732 01:24:29.380 --> 01:24:32.260 Some of us may find that we don't really know how to pace. 1733 01:24:32.260 --> 01:24:33.220 When we like somebody, 1734 01:24:33.220 --> 01:24:34.620 we want to talk to them every day, all day. 1735 01:24:34.620 --> 01:24:35.940 We text and send up the sundown, 1736 01:24:35.940 --> 01:24:39.100 and the next week it all fall apart and you're heartbroken 1737 01:24:39.100 --> 01:24:40.860 because you don't know how to pace. 1738 01:24:42.140 --> 01:24:45.060 And you don't understand that you're a fruit inspector. 1739 01:24:45.060 --> 01:24:46.940 So sometimes we believe, well, he said this, 1740 01:24:46.940 --> 01:24:48.900 he said this, he said this, he said this. 1741 01:24:48.900 --> 01:24:50.740 And now you feel like you have certainty 1742 01:24:50.740 --> 01:24:52.660 and then you put an expectation on this person 1743 01:24:52.660 --> 01:24:54.700 that you don't know to be what they said, 1744 01:24:54.700 --> 01:24:56.540 but it's never supposed to be that way. 1745 01:24:56.540 --> 01:24:58.660 We are fruit inspectors. 1746 01:24:58.660 --> 01:25:00.260 I observe, I watch. 1747 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.840 watch and I wait to see who you are as well as what a person should do for us. 1748 01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:09.720 And so it says, how can I look for people and say, 1749 01:25:09.720 --> 01:25:12.920 I'm dating for discovery while also being marriage minded? 1750 01:25:13.080 --> 01:25:17.680 Because marriage minded means I understand the times and season that I'm in 1751 01:25:17.840 --> 01:25:19.440 and I'm willing to be equipped. 1752 01:25:20.560 --> 01:25:25.040 I'm willing to get Ezra all the help she needs to be the best Ezra she could ever 1753 01:25:25.040 --> 01:25:29.680 be. Marriage minded says, I'm learning to pace. 1754 01:25:29.800 --> 01:25:33.760 That's what a marriage minded person says. A marriage minded person says, 1755 01:25:33.800 --> 01:25:37.480 I show grace. I'm learning how to show grace. A marriage minded person says, 1756 01:25:37.680 --> 01:25:41.000 see a marriage, we think marriage minded means I'm just ready for the altar. 1757 01:25:41.360 --> 01:25:45.440 Marriage minded means you're willing to be bendable and flexible. 1758 01:25:45.880 --> 01:25:51.040 All of this leads to marriage minded. Now for the question outright, 1759 01:25:51.080 --> 01:25:56.080 so marriage minded shows up in our character and marriage minded also shows up 1760 01:25:56.240 --> 01:25:59.040 in the decision we made. And so, you know, 1761 01:25:59.040 --> 01:26:01.400 you can always ask a person if they're marriage minded, 1762 01:26:01.400 --> 01:26:03.960 don't mean that you want to marry them. But ideally, 1763 01:26:03.960 --> 01:26:05.360 if a person is marriage minded, 1764 01:26:05.520 --> 01:26:08.800 you want them to show some traits of intentionality. 1765 01:26:11.160 --> 01:26:15.880 Are we all together? If I'm making sense, give me a thumbs up. 1766 01:26:17.840 --> 01:26:21.040 Okay. Yeah. Good. Um, 1767 01:26:21.800 --> 01:26:26.800 okay. So did that bring some clarity without beating the horse? 1768 01:26:27.040 --> 01:26:27.880 Um, Esther? 1769 01:26:31.960 --> 01:26:35.080 Yeah. I can't see your thumb. You might be on the other page. 1770 01:26:35.760 --> 01:26:38.800 Give me a thumb or a yes or something. 1771 01:26:39.120 --> 01:26:41.040 Lovetta, did it make more sense for you? 1772 01:26:43.640 --> 01:26:48.400 Yes. Karen say yes. Okay. All right. 1773 01:26:48.920 --> 01:26:52.840 Karen's question. This is helpful to hear. Even in my growing up was the, yes, 1774 01:26:52.840 --> 01:26:54.920 that was so helpful. Thank you. Oh, you're so welcome. Yes. 1775 01:26:54.920 --> 01:26:59.920 I'm so glad because this is a confusing concept because I want a man who's 1776 01:27:00.440 --> 01:27:04.000 marriage minded, mature and masculine. This is your evaluation process. 1777 01:27:04.000 --> 01:27:08.160 You're learning how to evaluate men that are potential suitors for you. 1778 01:27:09.720 --> 01:27:14.440 You gotta know how to evaluate a man to say, okay, this, 1779 01:27:14.440 --> 01:27:18.120 this man is a, uh, a potential suitor. 1780 01:27:19.080 --> 01:27:20.440 Okay. I could take him serious. 1781 01:27:21.320 --> 01:27:25.120 I've noticed over four weeks that he's consistent. Uh-huh. 1782 01:27:25.760 --> 01:27:27.680 Not one week, not two days. 1783 01:27:27.960 --> 01:27:32.040 You can't measure consistency over a week. Y'all you need at least three weeks, 1784 01:27:32.040 --> 01:27:36.960 four weeks. Okay. All right. Um, to measure consistency. 1785 01:27:37.240 --> 01:27:40.880 All right. So, so all I ever saw was women as home market. 1786 01:27:40.880 --> 01:27:43.400 So it wasn't part of my mindset to figure out an occupation, 1787 01:27:43.400 --> 01:27:46.960 to provide financial for myself. Being a hardworking industrious wasn't still, 1788 01:27:47.240 --> 01:27:50.360 just not a vision for a job. I think that's beautiful. 1789 01:27:51.960 --> 01:27:54.880 I like that, that you already come for the soft life. 1790 01:27:58.000 --> 01:28:00.840 David, um, my mama worried me to, 1791 01:28:00.880 --> 01:28:03.000 you ready me to work harder than my brothers. 1792 01:28:03.040 --> 01:28:05.160 And they're probably why I work harder than them. 1793 01:28:07.040 --> 01:28:10.840 I hear you. Like, I think that, I think it's a beautiful thing. 1794 01:28:10.840 --> 01:28:15.840 And there are plenty of men who desire an industrious woman who wants and desires 1795 01:28:17.120 --> 01:28:20.080 to be a homework homemaker. Not many women want to be there. 1796 01:28:20.080 --> 01:28:21.040 Some of it because, 1797 01:28:22.160 --> 01:28:25.400 because being a homemaker doesn't mean that you don't operate in purpose. 1798 01:28:25.760 --> 01:28:28.640 Being a homemaker doesn't mean you're not building businesses. 1799 01:28:29.400 --> 01:28:32.200 Being a homemaker doesn't, you know, and there's seasons. 1800 01:28:32.280 --> 01:28:34.680 If you have young children, you're going to be more focused on them. 1801 01:28:34.840 --> 01:28:35.960 When they get to a certain age, 1802 01:28:35.960 --> 01:28:38.840 you're going to be able to free up to do some other things. I think it's, 1803 01:28:38.920 --> 01:28:40.680 I think it's beautiful. Yeah. 1804 01:28:40.680 --> 01:28:43.880 You need months to measure consistency for sure. 1805 01:28:43.880 --> 01:28:45.920 You can't measure consistency over two weeks. 1806 01:28:46.280 --> 01:28:49.360 So if you only do it for one week and say, well, they were very consistent for, 1807 01:28:49.360 --> 01:28:52.960 what, five days? That ain't consistent. 1808 01:28:54.320 --> 01:28:59.120 I mean, you don't have enough time to measure that. So, yeah. And so, um, 1809 01:28:59.360 --> 01:29:03.800 I think, I think all of this is beautiful. Uh, did I talk us to, 1810 01:29:04.120 --> 01:29:06.240 I'm telling y'all, no, it could just be me, 1811 01:29:06.240 --> 01:29:08.720 but I thought there was a really good teaching. I know it's eight 30, 1812 01:29:08.720 --> 01:29:11.360 but do y'all have any questions? I can take at least two. 1813 01:29:11.400 --> 01:29:12.240 Okay. 1814 01:29:13.280 --> 01:29:14.840 You know, I'm out for the summer, so I may, 1815 01:29:14.840 --> 01:29:17.600 I don't mind doing 15 minutes over any questions. 1816 01:29:18.240 --> 01:29:21.680 And if you need to go as eight 30, don't ever, ever, ever, ever Sydney, 1817 01:29:21.680 --> 01:29:23.560 anybody else on this call know that you're new, 1818 01:29:23.560 --> 01:29:26.120 you and Esther feel like you have to hold on while I answer questions. 1819 01:29:26.120 --> 01:29:26.960 You do not, 1820 01:29:27.160 --> 01:29:31.400 you are free to exit the call and you don't even have to sneak out the room. 1821 01:29:31.440 --> 01:29:33.160 You can just click up and say, bye. 1822 01:29:34.480 --> 01:29:37.720 Sometimes you can feel a little nervous about doing it. I used to, I don't know. 1823 01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:41.560 You may not deal with stuff. I do. I was also raised to be a wife and a mom. 1824 01:29:41.600 --> 01:29:45.920 Oh, I think that's beautiful, but was also raised to go to college. 1825 01:29:45.920 --> 01:29:49.560 I went to college on the MRAS degree. I have a good job as a teacher too. 1826 01:29:50.160 --> 01:29:53.880 That's good. That's good. Um, 1827 01:29:54.960 --> 01:29:59.400 I think sometimes two cultures have a lot to do with things. 1828 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.160 Yes, we do learn this. We do learn a lot by listening to other questions. It's other people's 1829 01:30:07.160 --> 01:30:13.680 questions. It's true. Oh, you've been challenging to figure out your season and purpose. I would 1830 01:30:13.680 --> 01:30:19.000 definitely ask the Lord that. Ask him what season you're in, because you're in a season. 1831 01:30:19.000 --> 01:30:24.640 We're always in a season. Nothing is wasted with the Lord. I'm telling you, he is the 1832 01:30:24.640 --> 01:30:31.520 strategist of all strategists. Don't even feel frustrated if you don't hear about it 1833 01:30:31.520 --> 01:30:37.120 this week from him or next week. He will speak. You just keep letting him know you're available 1834 01:30:37.120 --> 01:30:44.240 for his purposes and his plans. I ask stuff, it seem like, you know, sometimes seem like 1835 01:30:44.240 --> 01:30:50.520 it'd be a month. I'd be like, okay, I'll just hold you till I can hear from you. So any 1836 01:30:50.520 --> 01:31:00.600 other questions? Well, ladies, okay, Karen. Thank you for that, saying that. Don't be 1837 01:31:00.600 --> 01:31:05.400 frustrated if I don't hear from him, because I ask him a lot, like what's been the purpose 1838 01:31:05.400 --> 01:31:17.000 of, you know, I'm 42. What's been the purpose of this being a desire in my heart and yet 1839 01:31:17.000 --> 01:31:27.480 it not being a not yet. So all these questions are great of what remains in me that needs to 1840 01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:32.920 be developed as an Ezar. I'm going to listen to all this again and write a lot of more notes. 1841 01:31:32.920 --> 01:31:39.880 So thank you. That was very inspiring. And also I was at a conference this weekend. 1842 01:31:40.760 --> 01:31:46.600 I just want to say like, God is so fun. I typically don't drink coffee. I'm a tea drinker, 1843 01:31:46.600 --> 01:31:50.040 and I thought, I'm just going to go out and check out, you know, the little coffee stand 1844 01:31:50.040 --> 01:31:56.360 that they have. And in that moment I turn around and recognize a face from our zoom calls. 1845 01:31:57.400 --> 01:32:08.360 It was Tiffany. Ah, what's Tiffany? Texas Tiffany. Texas Tiffany. Yes. We were in Colorado Springs. 1846 01:32:09.080 --> 01:32:15.160 Really? I'm from Iowa and I turn around and she gets this look on her face and I get a look on my 1847 01:32:15.160 --> 01:32:22.120 face and I was like, are you for real Tiffany? She's like, I saw you and I thought, is that 1848 01:32:22.120 --> 01:32:30.040 really Karen from LYS? So we just had a ball. We went to lunch together. It was just like, 1849 01:32:30.040 --> 01:32:37.160 God is so fun. He is so fun. And this, in this particular conference, it was put on by wild at 1850 01:32:37.160 --> 01:32:44.760 heart, John and Stacey Eldridge ministry. And so I would say 98% of the audience are married couples 1851 01:32:45.400 --> 01:32:53.880 who love Jesus. And in one way that was so amazing and beautiful. And I had those moments of like 1852 01:32:53.880 --> 01:32:58.760 comparison and the what if, and I was like, no, we're not going to go there. If God can do it for 1853 01:32:58.760 --> 01:33:06.200 them, he can do it for me. Yes. So thank you for that, like training and capturing those thoughts 1854 01:33:06.920 --> 01:33:11.880 and turning it to hope. Like God has made these beautiful marriages that they are here 1855 01:33:11.880 --> 01:33:20.760 in this room seeking intimacy with Jesus together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. 1856 01:33:20.760 --> 01:33:25.640 I bet you that conference was amazing. Oh, it's phenomenal. I bet. Oh my goodness. 1857 01:33:26.600 --> 01:33:31.640 You know, there are times and ladies, this is a real thing and that's why I don't ever want you, 1858 01:33:31.640 --> 01:33:35.320 if I'm coaching you and you feel like it's beating you up or it's making you think you 1859 01:33:35.320 --> 01:33:39.080 have to be somewhere where you're not. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. That's never 1860 01:33:39.080 --> 01:33:44.280 my intent and to release me from your judgment and to release that from your judgment. There 1861 01:33:44.280 --> 01:33:48.600 are times when I was just at a graduation party and I can't tell you how long I've been sitting 1862 01:33:48.600 --> 01:33:55.960 at the circle with married people. It don't feel good all the time. Sometimes it's just my circle, 1863 01:33:55.960 --> 01:34:00.200 but my circle is always, I'm in ministry. Most all the people in this, where I was running singles 1864 01:34:00.200 --> 01:34:06.040 ministry, all of these people that are married. And sometimes you feel the sting of it. It's just 1865 01:34:06.040 --> 01:34:11.320 like, ah, you know, so they're talking about the things that married people talk about it, 1866 01:34:11.320 --> 01:34:15.080 or they do this, or you do this, but you remember this, or when they're talking about the children 1867 01:34:15.080 --> 01:34:18.680 that they raise and, oh, when they're this age and when they do this and when they do that, 1868 01:34:18.680 --> 01:34:22.520 and you feel the grip of it, you feel the sting of it. And that was one of those questions come 1869 01:34:22.520 --> 01:34:27.400 up in my heart. And I asked the Lord, what was I doing when I was 25? And why wasn't I thinking 1870 01:34:27.400 --> 01:34:37.960 about marriage? Because it's so easy to throw it back on God and say, why haven't you? But then 1871 01:34:37.960 --> 01:34:43.800 it's just as easy to say, Father, show me what I've been doing. Show me what's been going on in 1872 01:34:43.800 --> 01:34:52.600 my life. Why does my life look different? I have mastered coming into him because it just don't 1873 01:34:52.600 --> 01:34:56.280 feel good. Because if I blame him, then I'm left by myself. So I'm like, 1874 01:34:56.280 --> 01:34:59.800 I don't want to be by myself feeling like this. So I don't blame him. I go lean on. 1875 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.840 Yeah, right, but I know it's just said a lot, but those are real things. 1876 01:35:04.880 --> 01:35:07.680 Those are real things that are happening in life all around you. 1877 01:35:08.160 --> 01:35:11.440 And when you feel like your clock is ticking and time is running out, you want to know why? 1878 01:35:11.920 --> 01:35:14.080 I get down, paper, pen, and I write out. 1879 01:35:14.880 --> 01:35:16.880 Show me. 1880 01:35:17.520 --> 01:35:19.840 And it's not something so wrong with me. 1881 01:35:21.360 --> 01:35:22.960 That's true, too. 1882 01:35:22.960 --> 01:35:26.080 But if I find myself at this position in this season, 1883 01:35:26.480 --> 01:35:32.480 Then I ask the question because I can't answer for five years ago. We're not five years ago. We're not 10 years ago 1884 01:35:32.480 --> 01:35:36.000 We're right here right now. So lord, what else needs to be developing me? 1885 01:35:36.000 --> 01:35:38.400 What is that you would like to develop in me as an Ezra? 1886 01:35:39.280 --> 01:35:41.280 What season am I in? You know, sometimes 1887 01:35:42.000 --> 01:35:43.280 I thought about this 1888 01:35:43.280 --> 01:35:48.320 You can build a build a business in this season that you wouldn't be able to build if you were married 1889 01:35:48.640 --> 01:35:50.640 Because you don't understand 1890 01:35:50.800 --> 01:35:53.200 What's gonna come with your training in marriage? 1891 01:35:54.000 --> 01:35:56.800 In marriage you totally get to know god different 1892 01:35:57.840 --> 01:36:00.480 Let me tell you your hand's gonna be full your honeymoon will be over soon 1893 01:36:00.800 --> 01:36:05.760 It literally did come to mature you and it's okay. It's serving its purpose in your life 1894 01:36:07.360 --> 01:36:12.960 But when you first get married you have to focus on developing and building your marriage and so you can try to juggle 1895 01:36:13.280 --> 01:36:14.240 a business 1896 01:36:14.240 --> 01:36:17.040 But you don't know if the season god is saying in this season 1897 01:36:17.120 --> 01:36:19.280 I want you to build this because there's seasons coming 1898 01:36:19.280 --> 01:36:21.840 It'll be five more years before you get back to this place 1899 01:36:22.080 --> 01:36:25.360 You don't know it'll be 10 more years before you're able to be this free 1900 01:36:25.600 --> 01:36:28.720 To have the ideas flowing through your mind that you have flowing through your now 1901 01:36:28.800 --> 01:36:31.680 It'll be 15 more years before you get back to this degree 1902 01:36:31.920 --> 01:36:34.640 I need you to have this degree because in 15 years 1903 01:36:34.640 --> 01:36:39.120 You already have it and you'll be in a position to take the position that I have waiting for you 1904 01:36:39.360 --> 01:36:42.080 There are so many things that we don't know 1905 01:36:43.360 --> 01:36:45.360 But god does 1906 01:36:45.600 --> 01:36:49.920 We know what we want how we want it and what we think will work best and we don't have a clue 1907 01:36:50.240 --> 01:36:55.780 We don't even know how much how many years we have on this earth i'm just telling you it's too many unknowns 1908 01:36:57.200 --> 01:37:00.640 To accuse the one who has all the plans in his hand 1909 01:37:02.160 --> 01:37:04.160 And so I choose to partner with him 1910 01:37:05.280 --> 01:37:09.680 With tears in my eyes and not knowing where we're going. So I just can't see nothing 1911 01:37:11.200 --> 01:37:13.200 You know, it's true 1912 01:37:14.960 --> 01:37:17.540 And I I I let bygones be bygones 1913 01:37:18.500 --> 01:37:21.940 It was like I don't want to scare but it was like five years ago probably 1914 01:37:22.420 --> 01:37:25.780 I opened my eyes laying in my bed and the lord says aiden and you are a wife 1915 01:37:26.420 --> 01:37:28.740 I want you married. That's okay. What you want me to do? 1916 01:37:30.660 --> 01:37:32.660 My mind was not on marriage 1917 01:37:32.660 --> 01:37:35.620 I didn't know it was gonna start a journey in the earth 1918 01:37:36.180 --> 01:37:43.620 That he was gonna literally start a movement on the inside of me. Literally. I did not know what needed to happen 1919 01:37:44.020 --> 01:37:47.380 And he just unfolded no, I haven't about a coach in me telling me 1920 01:37:48.180 --> 01:37:52.980 All I know is that one day I started thinking about the things that happened in the past and should I get help for that? 1921 01:37:53.380 --> 01:37:57.460 Not saying should I get help so I could be married things just started coming up 1922 01:37:58.260 --> 01:38:04.100 It's just like he just started processing me and I didn't know that he needed an agreement in the earth a partner in the earth 1923 01:38:04.100 --> 01:38:06.100 To declare what he wanted to do in my life 1924 01:38:06.260 --> 01:38:10.340 Because they gave him legal authority to now move and work and prepare me for a thing 1925 01:38:10.580 --> 01:38:16.580 But I have been um in a lot of this i've been fulfilled because i've been operating in a lot of purpose 1926 01:38:16.580 --> 01:38:19.780 But there are many many nights of cries many times saying to god 1927 01:38:19.940 --> 01:38:23.620 I know it ain't this hard for you. Keep nobody married. I know it I've seen 1928 01:38:24.900 --> 01:38:29.860 I've seen too many people get married. It ain't this hard. It's not hard at all 1929 01:38:30.660 --> 01:38:33.940 So surely surely surely you must be doing something 1930 01:38:34.420 --> 01:38:40.420 Surely surely you must be doing something that you need to let me in on and I won't end on it 1931 01:38:41.540 --> 01:38:43.060 anyway, so 1932 01:38:43.060 --> 01:38:47.780 I didn't mean to steal your thunder karen, but you know, that was beautiful. Yeah, that's what I 1933 01:38:48.820 --> 01:38:53.940 I've often heard women say they know that the lord wants them married and I do not have that assurance 1934 01:38:54.180 --> 01:38:56.180 and so it leaves me with like 1935 01:38:56.900 --> 01:39:02.020 Yeah, well see this is a thing. You don't people word things how they choose to word them 1936 01:39:02.900 --> 01:39:04.900 You know, you want to be married 1937 01:39:05.860 --> 01:39:09.220 Yeah, so it's just a that was a play of words 1938 01:39:10.260 --> 01:39:13.060 I can say I believe the lord said that to me 1939 01:39:14.180 --> 01:39:19.220 I believe he said it. So I grab hold to it. But what I don't believe is that he doesn't want me married 1940 01:39:19.940 --> 01:39:25.860 Because what he said that he made woman for man. He told him to be fruitful and multiply his word speaks of this 1941 01:39:26.980 --> 01:39:29.860 Jacket teaches you wouldn't have the desire to be married 1942 01:39:30.820 --> 01:39:32.980 It's not it's not a withholding thing 1943 01:39:34.820 --> 01:39:40.420 And when you don't see something happen that that's a real processing that's a real thought 1944 01:39:42.020 --> 01:39:45.620 Oh, you're so welcome esther and so I just want you to know that's a play of words 1945 01:39:47.700 --> 01:39:50.980 Listen let me tell you something. There's some people who marriage should have never been married 1946 01:39:51.620 --> 01:39:53.620 If you asking my opinion, right? 1947 01:39:54.180 --> 01:39:57.700 I was in the wedding business for 14 years. Oh, wow 1948 01:39:57.700 --> 01:40:00.100 I've seen a lot 1949 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.680 of thought. You could be my wedding planner. How far are you? Well, I was, I did flowers 1950 01:40:05.680 --> 01:40:13.080 for weddings and events. I had my own business in Virginia. I had to close it. Well, I had 1951 01:40:13.080 --> 01:40:22.080 to close it in 2021. So cause of COVID? Yeah. Virginia wasn't allowed to do events. Oh wow. 1952 01:40:22.960 --> 01:40:27.520 Oh wow. Well, I mean you could do like 10 person weddings for like two years, so. 1953 01:40:28.320 --> 01:40:37.520 Wow. I'm sorry about that. Yeah. So that's why I moved to Iowa. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Interesting. 1954 01:40:38.080 --> 01:40:44.400 I know. Lately I've thought like, did I abandon the calling God had on my life by closing that 1955 01:40:44.400 --> 01:40:51.200 business? It's just something I'm thinking through. You have multiple calls and multiple 1956 01:40:51.200 --> 01:40:54.480 purposes in your life and the Lord wants to resurrect there from the dead, baby. You can 1957 01:40:54.480 --> 01:41:00.640 start making flowers tomorrow. For all y'all. I'll just be the traveling floral designer. 1958 01:41:00.640 --> 01:41:05.040 You can be a traveler flooring design. Like you can pick it up. We don't, I'm telling you, 1959 01:41:05.040 --> 01:41:08.560 well, sometimes when we start thinking that way, you know, the enemy can bring a lot of thoughts 1960 01:41:08.560 --> 01:41:12.160 in our mind. Did I abandon something? Did I do something wrong? Carrie, you've not done anything 1961 01:41:12.160 --> 01:41:16.320 wrong that the father can't restore and make better than it was before. That's just not how 1962 01:41:16.480 --> 01:41:23.440 it works in the Lord. That's not his track record. He reveals to redeem and restore. That's who he is. 1963 01:41:25.360 --> 01:41:31.600 Thank you. You're welcome. All right. My question, I have a friend who I've known for a 1964 01:41:31.600 --> 01:41:39.440 year and he recently started trying to know me, know me. So if we had a two hour phone call, 1965 01:41:39.440 --> 01:41:46.080 phone wasted, Oh, where he starts asking me so many personal questions, like compatibility 1966 01:41:46.080 --> 01:41:51.920 questions, I've liked him before now, but was really avoided. And so kept him at a distance. 1967 01:41:51.920 --> 01:41:57.760 So now that I'm becoming more open, just in general, I'm curious if he'd recommend as if 1968 01:41:57.760 --> 01:42:02.320 I'm curious, if you'd recommend, I still begin online dating and practice these things 1969 01:42:02.320 --> 01:42:06.640 or to wait to see what happens with him. I think you should practice online dating, my dear. 1970 01:42:07.120 --> 01:42:13.200 You should practice online dating. The one thing is when you wait to see what happens with him, 1971 01:42:13.920 --> 01:42:20.400 then that means you are putting an expectation that he is the one, he is someone, 1972 01:42:20.400 --> 01:42:26.000 he is the possible somebody. He is a possibility just like everybody else, Esther. 1973 01:42:29.680 --> 01:42:33.600 And so practice dating, picking out some people that you like, that you enjoy, 1974 01:42:33.920 --> 01:42:36.720 see how you flow with that. That'll be good. 1975 01:42:40.480 --> 01:42:44.160 Oh Lord, Esther, you didn't want me to read. That was a direct message. I'm so sorry. 1976 01:42:45.280 --> 01:42:50.000 Did I offend you? Please say no. I did not see that it was direct. 1977 01:42:52.160 --> 01:42:56.320 Oh, you just wanted me to get the question. Oh my Lord. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You're 1978 01:42:56.320 --> 01:42:59.600 going to be good with that. Grace, your husband going to like your sister. 1979 01:43:00.320 --> 01:43:05.280 How do you allow God to feel the need for affirmation that we look for from a man? 1980 01:43:05.280 --> 01:43:09.280 You simply say, Lord, I've been looking for a man to affirm me, 1981 01:43:09.280 --> 01:43:11.680 but I now bring it and put it in your hands. 1982 01:43:13.840 --> 01:43:18.320 I want all of my affirmation to come from you. I want to be built up in you. 1983 01:43:19.280 --> 01:43:22.640 I want to be built up in you. I want to be built up in you. 1984 01:43:22.640 --> 01:43:25.920 I want to be built up in you. I want to be built up in you. 1985 01:43:25.920 --> 01:43:28.720 I want to be built up in you. I want to be built up in you. 1986 01:43:29.840 --> 01:43:34.480 And you continue to confess that and you take out your word and you hear the thoughts of God 1987 01:43:34.480 --> 01:43:40.320 toward you and you don't need a lot of scriptures. Get you one that talks about his thoughts toward 1988 01:43:40.320 --> 01:43:44.560 you. Don't get one that you got to convince yourself of. I'm fearfully and wonderfully 1989 01:43:44.560 --> 01:43:47.840 made. That ain't going to do it. I'm telling you right now, that's not going to do it. 1990 01:43:47.840 --> 01:43:54.720 You need to keep sitting there laughing at me. That won't get you there. But what will get you 1991 01:43:54.720 --> 01:43:58.880 there are scriptures that talk about the Lord's thoughts toward you. Like he says, 1992 01:43:58.880 --> 01:44:04.640 I have more thoughts toward you than the sands on the seashore. When he says to you that nothing by 1993 01:44:04.640 --> 01:44:10.960 any means shall pluck you out of my hands. The things that he speaks about you, the loving 1994 01:44:10.960 --> 01:44:16.640 things he speaks about you, his thoughts toward you. I know the thoughts and the plans that I 1995 01:44:16.640 --> 01:44:21.280 have for you is to prosper you. These are the things that I think about you. You want to 1996 01:44:21.280 --> 01:44:26.000 meditate on things like that, Daisy. And because you've been looking for it in a man don't, 1997 01:44:26.000 --> 01:44:31.920 it will take some time, but that's okay. That's a part of the process and stick with it. Be 1998 01:44:31.920 --> 01:44:37.120 consistent because God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. He says, first you come to me 1999 01:44:37.120 --> 01:44:41.760 believing and knowing that I am God and I'm a rewarder of those who diligently seek me. 2000 01:44:41.760 --> 01:44:48.960 Be diligent in your quest. Set a timer, set your calendar. Say, I'm going to do this three days a 2001 01:44:48.960 --> 01:44:54.880 week for five minutes, two minutes. I don't care if it's one minute, just do it three days a week. 2002 01:44:54.880 --> 01:44:59.760 Be consistent, reminding yourself of these truths, confessing these truths. 2003 01:45:00.960 --> 01:45:04.240 God, you have so many thoughts toward me. Can you share one with me today? 2004 01:45:05.600 --> 01:45:10.480 I have a thought toward you, God. You're lovely. You're amazing. You're beautiful. 2005 01:45:11.120 --> 01:45:12.560 What are your thoughts toward me? 2006 01:45:14.720 --> 01:45:19.680 And you'll see that you'll begin to develop this love intimate relationship with the Lord, 2007 01:45:19.680 --> 01:45:25.920 and it's a beautiful place. And then over time, these things happen. 2008 01:45:26.880 --> 01:45:28.880 Don't mean that you're not going to doubt sometimes, 2009 01:45:30.320 --> 01:45:35.520 but it will happen. And I know for myself, I know for myself, 2010 01:45:35.520 --> 01:45:37.440 you would do that. I'm sorry if I just start singing. 2011 01:45:41.440 --> 01:45:43.360 Okay. Any more questions, ladies? 2012 01:45:47.360 --> 01:45:54.640 Okay. All right. Okay. Well, I enjoyed you all so much. I hope that this is, it was amazing. Great. 2013 01:45:55.440 --> 01:45:59.760 That's what I did right now when he said for 10 years. Oh, wow. That is so good. Ms. Bunny said 2014 01:45:59.760 --> 01:46:03.520 she wrote out what the Lord said for 10 years. That's amazing. I'm telling you, get down in your 2015 01:46:03.520 --> 01:46:08.240 heart. Another thing I'm going to do for you all, I'm going to post the notes because this was a 2016 01:46:08.240 --> 01:46:14.000 great deal of information. And I want you to have these notes because perspective will get you to 2017 01:46:14.000 --> 01:46:18.800 the goal and it'll let you have fun all the way with the Lord. And I mean, sometimes you're going 2018 01:46:18.880 --> 01:46:27.840 share some tears, but that's okay. Like Jackie says, it doesn't mean it's not hard. Is it worth 2019 01:46:27.840 --> 01:46:38.320 it? Yep. Is it worth it? Yes, it is. Okay, ladies, have fun and I'll see you soon. Have a good night. 2020 01:46:38.320 --> 01:46:44.480 I'll see you Thursday if you come into the book club sneak preview. All right. Good to see you, 2021 01:46:44.480 --> 01:46:51.120 Nikki and Kelly. All right. Good night. Thank you, Ebony. You're welcome.