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All right, hey everyone, welcome, welcome, hey, hey, hey.

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I'm a little bit blurry, huh, hmm, I don't know, I don't know why I'm blurry.

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All right you guys, there's about 66, 67 of us on here live on this beautiful June evening.

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Can you guys believe that June is almost over, what the heck, we're headed to the second

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half of June already, in just another week, sayonara June, hello July, 250th birthday

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of America happening, first week of July, it's going to be, it's going to be a fun time.

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My image keeps freezing, hmm, is that for everybody?

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Put a thumbs up in the chat if I'm freezing for you.

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A bit choppy, okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, freezing and blurry, okay, all right, hold on a second

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you guys.

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Okay, all right, hold on a second, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,

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hang on guys, I'll be back in just a second trying to figure out the technical difficulty

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here.

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Don't go anywhere, it's going to be good tonight.

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Okay, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends.

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All right, I'm on the road, as you can see.

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I'm on the move.

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All right, friends, welcome to Ask Jackie.

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If you've never been here before, this is the session where you get to ask me all of

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your dating questions, all of your hard work questions, all of your questions, and I will

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answer them to the best of my ability.

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I might know the answers, I might not, but a lot of times people don't see a lot of me

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until they get to phase three.

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That rhymed, love it, because you only see me in your heartwork videos or on Supernatural

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Saturday.

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And so here I am.

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Welcome to me, Jackie D., who is brand new to phase three.

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Let me see you in the chat who just got here.

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You're like, I made it, girl.

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I made it to the end.

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Let me see.

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Second week, oh, second week.

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Okay, awesome.

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All right, I'm believing that you guys can hear me and see me well now, is that right?

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Okay, wonderful.

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All right, you guys, well, I have been in the midst of my Modern Dating Sucks book club.

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That's why I have been a little bit AWOL, because I've been in the midst of it.

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And go ahead, show me in the chat if you have been in the Modern Dating Sucks book club,

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this last book club, the only book club.

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Let me see your hand if you've been in there with me.

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Hopefully you've been enjoying it.

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Hopefully you've been getting a lot out of it.

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You feel like you are getting to a place where you're ready to have that summer of love.

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26, 27 of you, 28, 29, 30, about 30 of you on here.

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All right, awesome.

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Awesome, awesome, awesome.

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Well, give me some hearts if you've been loving it.

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We have our last session is next week, and we are going to cover a lot of amazing things.

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You guys, I'll say this in the book club.

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So for those of you that are in the book club, you're going to have a double dip.

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Okay, you're going to have a double dip.

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But I get so many testimonies in this community of community-based matchmaking.

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And it's just so incredible.

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I want to read this to you.

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You guys humor me.

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I want to really inspire you guys tonight.

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I want to get you excited about what God has in store for you.

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I want to read this for you.

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All right.

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It says, hold on, I'm going into my little account here.

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All right, this is, I got this.

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So I was congratulating one of our brides on her wedding.

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They invited me to the wedding, but I couldn't come.

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My son was getting married at the same time.

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And I don't go to all the weddings, and I'm not promising you guys that I'll come to your wedding.

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But I will put your invitation in my keepsake box.

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If you send me one, I will send you a congratulation.

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I will celebrate you on my social media.

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I won't necessarily be able to come to your wedding.

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Maybe, but probably not.

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Okay?

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All right.

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So I sent her a little congratulatory note, and then she sent me this back.

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She said, thank you, Jackie.

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She said, you know, thanks basically for helping me to get married.

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Thanks for helping me, letting me be a part of this amazing program.

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She said, I want to give you a testimony.

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So this is the testimony.

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Last May, y'all, so 12 months, less than 12 months ago, for those of you that have been

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around long enough to remember, married in 12 months or less.

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Last May, I went to an anniversary party of some friends.

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She's already in the program, and she gets invited to an anniversary party of some friends.

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Okay?

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And the friends that the anniversary party was for was someone who got married through

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this program.

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She was brought into this program by someone who had success here, and that's what happens

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so often.

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So she was at an anniversary party, and there was a young man.

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man there that she used to know from church.

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So she goes to an anniversary party of one of our success stories, the same person that

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brought her into the community.

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And she goes there and she sees someone from her past, a young man who used to go to church

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with her.

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And she told him and his brother about our program.

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Okay.

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She used to know him when he was a little boy.

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He was a little boy when she attended church with his family.

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And so she told him about last year's single.

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She said, because I thought I would help him and his brother find matches.

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He turned around that same night and he matched her with his coworker.

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He played matchmaker.

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This young man thought to introduce her to someone that he worked with.

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Okay.

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And that young man not only match made her, but she ended up marrying that coworker that

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he matched her with that night.

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And that young man became the best man at their wedding.

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But it goes on.

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Our MC and one of the bridesmaids was the couple whose anniversary party that she went

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to and the matron of honor that introduced me to your program after she did the bride

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bootcamp and got happily married after a year.

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Her love story was also supernatural and a story of somebody, you know, knows somebody

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who knows your spirit mate.

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And then she ends her testimony with my husband says, hi, do we not love it?

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Do we not love it?

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Okay.

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For all of you that are sad that you didn't get in the book club first time around, I

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didn't do this last time, but I'm going to do it this time because enough people were

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like, Oh, Jackie, I couldn't do it.

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Tuesdays aren't good for me, blah, blah, blah.

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All the things we've gotten the emails and the messages.

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I'm going to do it one more time.

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So when I end this one, I'm going to start the next one.

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Okay.

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On Mondays, this time, one Tuesday, Mondays and one Tuesday, it is available and replay

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if you can't be there live.

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But you guys, it is live.

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So got to cap it, got to cap it.

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Don't want it to get too big.

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And it is open to the public just so you know, and ladies, we have a bunch of men that signed

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up for this one, not men that are not in this program.

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So just interesting.

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It's just interesting that the men from my Instagram that follow me on Instagram.

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And anyway, it's really powerful.

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It's going to help you take a really good look at your dating life, what it looks like,

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how you got here, how we all got here, how did we all get here?

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Why is dating feel so hard?

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What can we do about it?

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And it's really very practical work, but it's very supernatural work as well.

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And so if you want to join, go to my Facebook.

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I'm sorry, don't go to my Facebook.

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I don't even know why I said that.

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Go to my website, JackieDorman.com.

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Go to the dropdown menu, find the word book, click on that, and then that will be the page

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that's all about this book.

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Scroll down till you see book club, and it should say starts June 22nd.

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Click it and sign up.

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Cool.

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JackieDorman.com, dropdown menu, book, scroll down till you get to the book club.

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Click it.

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Click it.

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Click it.

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Sorry guys, my brain's a little bit fried.

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I just got off a premarital coaching session right before I jumped on here.

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But I just want to say this, we'll start, ask Jackie off, we'll just start it off strong.

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This couple is not equally yoked in the way of spiritual understanding.

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They're equally yoked in the way of they both believe Jesus is the son of God.

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They both love God.

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They both go to church, but one of them is much more spiritually mature than the other

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person.

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One of them has been not necessarily a Christian longer, but they were raised in different

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denominations.

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So we have a charismatic Christian that's definitely more versed in Holy Spirit things.

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And then we have more of a denominational Christian, loves God, very consecrated, but

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not really knowledgeable about the things of the spirit.

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You're like, can that work out?

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Can that be a match?

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A hundred percent, it can.

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If we approach that other person with curiosity and not fear, remember equal yoking does not

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have to do with the level of spiritual acumen that you have, the level of spiritual understanding

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that you have, the level of spiritual maturity, even that you have, it has to do with, do

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you both believe that Jesus is the son of God?

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And he is your Savior. Do you believe in Christ? Are you a Christ follower?

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That's what the Bible says.

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People people take this equal yoking and they just make it mean all kinds of different things that it doesn't mean scripturally.

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All right.

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You guys we cannot take scriptures and make them mean whatever we want them to mean.

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They mean what they mean in context in context.

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Did any of you see my post before I took it down?

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Did any of you see my post on Instagram before I before I hit it?

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about

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the woman

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Some woman apparently she's some preacher. I don't know wrote a book or two or whatever

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but she was talking about how everyone who wants to get married will not get married because and then she used as her

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scriptural proof a

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Scripture from Isaiah that talks about and seven women will grab one man and say we don't even want you to give us your name

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Well, we just we just want you to give us your name. We'll get our own bread seven women grab one man

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She said there's a shortage of men. There's not enough men to come around get around, you know

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She's supposed to be a preacher. She's supposed to be a Bible preacher

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No shade at her. I'm not mad at her but that ain't what that scripture means

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you cannot cherry-pick scripture and then

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Apply it to modern dating

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Okay, Isaiah 4. I believe it is where that scripture is written down in the Holy Word of God

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It is Isaiah talking about

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The war that happened because of Israel's disobedience. They they went to war and guess what? Almost all the men died

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That's why

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In the chapter before

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This verse it says why there's a shortage of men because all the men died. It's not a dating verse. It's a war verse and

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It says that in that day seven women will grab hold of one man and be like give us identity

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Give us your name. We don't need you to provide for us. We just need lineage because all the men are dead

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right

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You guys you can't make that a dating scripture for the year 2026 now. I know that dating feels like a battlefield

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But that's not what that scripture means you can't just pick a scripture out of the Bible and say yeah

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This is why Chad from hinged doesn't text you back. No

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No

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It doesn't work that way you guys and

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Honestly anytime someone starts quoting scripture

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People start listening and it causes hopelessness. And so can we reject that hopelessness now because the Bible doesn't say that

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Can we just reject it and you might say well Jackie. Why did you hide it? It was so good

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It was a hot take y'all and I wasn't throwing any shade at her

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I was very respectful

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But I righted the wrongs and I put it in context and then I hid it and the reason why I hid it is

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because this woman was a woman of color and

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People showed up in the comments talking about well Jackie, you know, she was talking about

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Black women and black men

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Because she went on to she quoted that scripture and she went on to say, you know

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Basically this scripture is explaining why you know

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All these men there's no men to marry anymore because they're they're incarcerated or they're gay or they're this or they're that and

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listen, I

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Want you guys to know something? I

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Just want to talk about America. So if you're here and you're in another country

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I did not do the research on your country so I can't give you your stats

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But I always want to give you the math you guys all right

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I do understand that there are people groups that feel like marriage is really hard and that it's impossible, but there's nothing impossible with God

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Because let me just give you the numbers there's 60 million single men 60 million

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Please follow me in

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America

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60 million single men that are not gay or incarcerated

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60 million and y'all you don't need a million. You don't need a thousand. You don't even need one out, too

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You need one. You need one

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Okay, and

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Then you might be like what would Jackie we got to marry Christians. Okay, so there's

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35

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million of that 60 million

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Not gay not incarcerated single men of marriageable age are Christian 35 million

236
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:54.160
Once again, you only need one

237
00:19:54.800 --> 00:19:58.480
Guess how many women that are single and incarcerated?

238
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.160
Christian and not incarcerated and not gay are?

239
00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:04.400
35 million.

240
00:20:05.740 --> 00:20:06.580
I don't know.

241
00:20:06.580 --> 00:20:08.740
Can we all just marry each other and get this over with?

242
00:20:08.740 --> 00:20:10.680
I think that'd be a good idea.

243
00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:12.740
Now, it's not saying that those are single people

244
00:20:12.740 --> 00:20:13.700
that are marriage-minded.

245
00:20:13.700 --> 00:20:14.680
I don't know about that.

246
00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:16.620
I just know that they are single,

247
00:20:16.620 --> 00:20:18.780
they're not gay, they're not incarcerated,

248
00:20:18.780 --> 00:20:21.020
and they're certified, and they're Christian.

249
00:20:21.020 --> 00:20:23.300
They put on their census report that they're Christian.

250
00:20:23.300 --> 00:20:24.820
Now, what level of Christianity?

251
00:20:24.820 --> 00:20:25.660
I don't know.

252
00:20:25.660 --> 00:20:29.740
But you know and I know that there's 35 million of them.

253
00:20:29.780 --> 00:20:33.620
Now, if we take the number,

254
00:20:33.620 --> 00:20:36.780
percentage of the population of America

255
00:20:36.780 --> 00:20:39.080
that is African-American,

256
00:20:40.220 --> 00:20:44.340
which I think is 4.4%,

257
00:20:44.340 --> 00:20:46.900
and we apply it to that number.

258
00:20:48.820 --> 00:20:50.460
I did this math and it mathed, you guys.

259
00:20:50.460 --> 00:20:51.980
But basically, the bottom line is

260
00:20:51.980 --> 00:20:54.260
is that there were about 6 million

261
00:20:55.560 --> 00:20:58.480
not gay, not incarcerated,

262
00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:02.240
single, marriageable age black men in America.

263
00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:07.400
So if you're a woman of color on here, you only need one.

264
00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:10.320
If you have your little heart set on marrying a man

265
00:21:10.320 --> 00:21:14.160
that comes from the same culture as you

266
00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:16.160
and has the same skin color as you,

267
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:19.280
then okay, if that's what your heart is set on, okay.

268
00:21:19.280 --> 00:21:21.680
But is it a non-negotiable?

269
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:22.520
Is it?

270
00:21:23.560 --> 00:21:26.380
Because I didn't, listen, the reason why I hid the post

271
00:21:26.380 --> 00:21:28.620
is because I didn't wanna snap back.

272
00:21:28.620 --> 00:21:30.100
Because I understand people are sensitive

273
00:21:30.100 --> 00:21:31.960
and I understand people have their own realities

274
00:21:31.960 --> 00:21:33.540
and people have their own experiences

275
00:21:33.540 --> 00:21:35.020
and they're allowed to have that.

276
00:21:35.020 --> 00:21:36.860
And I'm not taking that from them.

277
00:21:36.860 --> 00:21:39.100
And I don't wanna argue with anyone.

278
00:21:39.100 --> 00:21:41.340
But you can marry people

279
00:21:41.340 --> 00:21:43.700
that have a different skin color as you.

280
00:21:43.700 --> 00:21:46.300
You might have your heart set on a certain type of person.

281
00:21:46.300 --> 00:21:48.460
And I wanna get to you to understand

282
00:21:48.460 --> 00:21:49.860
that that's not a non-negotiable

283
00:21:49.860 --> 00:21:52.900
and that should not be on your non-negotiable list.

284
00:21:52.900 --> 00:21:53.880
It should not.

285
00:21:55.300 --> 00:21:56.220
It should not.

286
00:21:56.820 --> 00:21:57.940
You don't know what God wants to do

287
00:21:57.940 --> 00:21:59.340
with your lineage and your legacy.

288
00:21:59.340 --> 00:22:01.300
It should not be there.

289
00:22:01.300 --> 00:22:02.140
It shouldn't.

290
00:22:03.580 --> 00:22:05.780
Okay, that's a preference.

291
00:22:05.780 --> 00:22:08.740
Put it where it belongs, on your preference list.

292
00:22:09.700 --> 00:22:11.220
You're like, but I'm only attracted to people

293
00:22:11.220 --> 00:22:14.140
that look like me, or I'm only attracted to people

294
00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:17.780
that understand the culture that I've come from.

295
00:22:17.780 --> 00:22:18.980
And that could be for everyone.

296
00:22:18.980 --> 00:22:23.160
That could be for all of you people of whatever.

297
00:22:23.160 --> 00:22:25.460
We have all different cultures here at Last Year Single

298
00:22:25.460 --> 00:22:26.580
and that's what I love.

299
00:22:27.780 --> 00:22:29.420
We have white people, we have brown people,

300
00:22:29.420 --> 00:22:31.660
we have other people.

301
00:22:33.740 --> 00:22:35.780
People never know what nationality I am.

302
00:22:35.780 --> 00:22:37.520
My daughter told me today that she thinks

303
00:22:37.520 --> 00:22:40.320
that we're East Asian or Mexican.

304
00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:44.300
Because we don't have wisdom teeth.

305
00:22:44.300 --> 00:22:45.140
I don't know.

306
00:22:46.900 --> 00:22:51.300
My daughter shows up this morning in my text messages

307
00:22:51.300 --> 00:22:53.820
and she's like, mom, you don't have wisdom teeth, right?

308
00:22:53.820 --> 00:22:54.740
You were born without them.

309
00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:56.140
And I was like, yeah, I was born without them.

310
00:22:56.140 --> 00:22:57.500
And she goes, yeah, me too.

311
00:22:57.500 --> 00:22:59.100
And she's like, and I get that from you

312
00:22:59.100 --> 00:23:01.140
because dad, my dad has wisdom teeth.

313
00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:03.460
And I'm like, okay, and?

314
00:23:03.460 --> 00:23:04.940
And she's like, well, I did some research

315
00:23:04.940 --> 00:23:07.980
and the only cultures that don't have wisdom teeth

316
00:23:07.980 --> 00:23:11.340
are East Asian and Mexican.

317
00:23:14.140 --> 00:23:17.540
And then she goes, can we do a genealogy test?

318
00:23:17.540 --> 00:23:19.660
And I'm like, whatever you need, baby.

319
00:23:20.820 --> 00:23:22.080
Whatever you need.

320
00:23:22.080 --> 00:23:24.500
I mean, I was told, and we're all told crazy things,

321
00:23:25.260 --> 00:23:26.900
but I was told that we were Native American.

322
00:23:26.900 --> 00:23:29.260
I was told that we were Jewish.

323
00:23:29.260 --> 00:23:32.460
That's where our skin color, we're Mediterranean.

324
00:23:32.460 --> 00:23:33.660
I was told all kinds of things.

325
00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:37.220
So, and family folklore, who knows what anyone is anymore?

326
00:23:37.220 --> 00:23:39.700
I know that we're all a mixture of a lot of things.

327
00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:41.340
So I really wanna encourage you guys,

328
00:23:41.340 --> 00:23:45.600
especially after that experience that I had yesterday.

329
00:23:47.340 --> 00:23:51.320
Please do not allow people to teach you scripture

330
00:23:51.320 --> 00:23:55.720
out of context, especially when it causes hopelessness

331
00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:57.200
or causes fear.

332
00:23:57.200 --> 00:23:59.760
And then secondly, friends,

333
00:24:01.040 --> 00:24:02.860
with God, all things are possible.

334
00:24:02.860 --> 00:24:04.740
And it's not even impossible.

335
00:24:04.740 --> 00:24:08.880
There's 35 million men, ladies and gentlemen,

336
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.880
there are 35 million women.

337
00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:12.080
You only need one.

338
00:24:13.160 --> 00:24:14.600
It's not a hopeless situation.

339
00:24:14.600 --> 00:24:16.060
It's far from hopeless.

340
00:24:18.800 --> 00:24:20.560
And so I really, really wanna encourage you

341
00:24:20.600 --> 00:24:21.680
to not buy into that.

342
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:25.160
And also to keep in mind, now this is between you and God.

343
00:24:25.160 --> 00:24:27.360
If there's some reason why marrying in your culture

344
00:24:27.360 --> 00:24:29.040
is a promise God's made to you,

345
00:24:29.040 --> 00:24:31.080
and it's about your lineage and your legacy,

346
00:24:31.080 --> 00:24:32.420
I'm not gonna argue with you about that.

347
00:24:32.420 --> 00:24:33.400
You're allowed to have that.

348
00:24:33.400 --> 00:24:34.800
If you really believe it's a non-negotiable,

349
00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:36.200
it is for you.

350
00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:37.940
But for most of us, it's not.

351
00:24:39.080 --> 00:24:40.280
And I have been posting a lot

352
00:24:40.280 --> 00:24:42.920
of interracial marriages lately, all different types,

353
00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:46.640
not just black and white or brown and white,

354
00:24:46.640 --> 00:24:49.720
or I'm trying to think of all the combinations of people.

355
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:55.480
You know, I've had in just the last couple months,

356
00:24:55.480 --> 00:25:00.480
three or four months, we have had white and Asian.

357
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:09.120
Asian combinations, we have had lots, we've had lots and lots of intercultural, like intercontinental

358
00:25:09.120 --> 00:25:10.120
love stories.

359
00:25:10.120 --> 00:25:15.960
So like, you know, Canadian people and American people or African, you know, South African

360
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:18.640
people and Australian people.

361
00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:20.080
So we've had a lot of intercontinental romance.

362
00:25:20.080 --> 00:25:26.120
But as far as race goes, we have had a lot of interracial marriages between black and

363
00:25:26.120 --> 00:25:37.820
white people, between like native people, like aboriginal people and Asian people, Asian

364
00:25:37.820 --> 00:25:38.820
and white.

365
00:25:38.820 --> 00:25:43.080
I'm trying to think of all the different combinations that we've had.

366
00:25:43.080 --> 00:25:48.120
White and African, like African, like, you know, Nigeria.

367
00:25:48.120 --> 00:25:54.280
And I've had, I've had three brides, three of my pretty Caucasian brides here in America

368
00:25:54.280 --> 00:26:08.240
actually marry men in Uganda, Nigeria, and one other country in Africa.

369
00:26:08.240 --> 00:26:14.480
And then I had two women marry Indian men, not Indian men, I'm sorry, Muslim, well, they're

370
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:21.360
converted, they're Christians, but marry men in Pakistan and Iran.

371
00:26:21.360 --> 00:26:24.280
A lot of y'all couldn't say yes to that love story, let's just be honest.

372
00:26:24.280 --> 00:26:25.280
Are we being honest?

373
00:26:25.280 --> 00:26:30.360
I would have to start questioning the Lord a little bit, even me, like, oh Lord, are

374
00:26:30.360 --> 00:26:31.360
you sure?

375
00:26:31.360 --> 00:26:35.640
But so I just, I want to, I want to help us get out of our own way, you guys.

376
00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:37.840
We have to start thinking bigger.

377
00:26:37.840 --> 00:26:43.240
God's kingdom is vast and it's multicultural.

378
00:26:43.240 --> 00:26:45.040
And I just really want to help us get there.

379
00:26:45.040 --> 00:26:50.760
And listen, that doesn't rob you of your personal experience with discrimination or racism or

380
00:26:51.160 --> 00:26:52.160
any of those things.

381
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:58.080
But what better way to kind of break through those barriers than to, you know, begin to

382
00:26:58.080 --> 00:27:00.040
embrace other cultures, right?

383
00:27:00.040 --> 00:27:01.320
And to have them embrace you.

384
00:27:01.320 --> 00:27:02.960
And so just pray about it.

385
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:06.220
If you feel like you have a block here or there's anything blocking you here, just pray

386
00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:07.220
about it.

387
00:27:07.220 --> 00:27:08.220
Okay.

388
00:27:08.220 --> 00:27:09.220
All right.

389
00:27:09.220 --> 00:27:11.080
Anyway, so that's all I have there at the beginning.

390
00:27:11.080 --> 00:27:13.920
I wanted to talk about the faith thing.

391
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:17.060
So does anyone have, okay, I have questions up already.

392
00:27:17.060 --> 00:27:21.540
Does anyone have any issue with marrying someone that you feel like you're more spiritually

393
00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:25.740
mature than?

394
00:27:25.740 --> 00:27:27.540
And I don't mean like they're sinning.

395
00:27:27.540 --> 00:27:34.380
I just mean like you, you've just known Jesus longer than they have, or they grew up denominational

396
00:27:34.380 --> 00:27:39.340
so they don't really roll around in the gold dust and speak in tongues or whatever like

397
00:27:39.340 --> 00:27:40.340
you do.

398
00:27:40.340 --> 00:27:46.620
Come on, let's look at the chat, you guys.

399
00:27:47.180 --> 00:27:55.180
So is it a biblical thing that the man has to be the spiritual leader?

400
00:27:55.180 --> 00:28:02.140
And if he's not, I guess as mature has been walking with hasn't been walking with God

401
00:28:02.140 --> 00:28:07.140
as much or know the word as much, like how do you submit to that?

402
00:28:07.140 --> 00:28:11.860
I don't have time to do a teaching on this, but the whole scripture about the men is the

403
00:28:11.860 --> 00:28:13.300
man is the head.

404
00:28:13.300 --> 00:28:15.700
That's not what it means.

405
00:28:15.780 --> 00:28:19.140
And so we have put all this undue pressure on men.

406
00:28:19.140 --> 00:28:21.020
You know, everyone has different spiritual gifts.

407
00:28:21.020 --> 00:28:23.860
You guys, let's go over to Paul's teachings and he talks about how we're all different

408
00:28:23.860 --> 00:28:25.180
members of the body.

409
00:28:25.180 --> 00:28:30.400
He talks about how there's all different gifts and that the spirit kind of gives those gifts

410
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:33.340
out as he sees fit, right?

411
00:28:33.340 --> 00:28:38.100
And so what happens to a lot of women, especially if they're really spiritually charismatic

412
00:28:38.100 --> 00:28:43.100
and gifted is they expect the man that they're marrying the way, the way that they see spiritual

413
00:28:43.100 --> 00:28:47.700
leadership is they expect him to be more spiritual in the same way that they're spiritual.

414
00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:52.220
They expect him to be more charismatically gifted.

415
00:28:52.220 --> 00:28:54.160
They expect him to speak in tongues more.

416
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:55.940
They expect him to prophesy more.

417
00:28:55.940 --> 00:29:01.660
They expect him to, you know, just be spiritually higher than them in the way that they understand

418
00:29:01.660 --> 00:29:02.660
spirituality.

419
00:29:02.660 --> 00:29:05.200
Does that make sense to you guys?

420
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:07.780
And that is not what Paul teaches.

421
00:29:07.780 --> 00:29:09.540
Paul doesn't teach based on gender.

422
00:29:09.540 --> 00:29:11.920
He doesn't teach based on married or single.

423
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:16.240
He said the spirit gives out the gifts as he will.

424
00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:17.800
Amen.

425
00:29:17.800 --> 00:29:25.000
Okay, so being a spiritual leader and ladies, hopefully, you know, all of you have a personal

426
00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.240
relationship with Jesus and you're not looking for someone to lead you like your parents

427
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:31.040
did when you were a child.

428
00:29:31.040 --> 00:29:36.040
You don't need a Sunday school teacher and a husband.

429
00:29:36.040 --> 00:29:40.440
Do you know you want to do life with someone?

430
00:29:40.440 --> 00:29:42.280
You want to grow spiritually together.

431
00:29:42.280 --> 00:29:44.440
Is that not correct?

432
00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:49.800
You want someone who understands why you love God, understands your faith, supports your

433
00:29:49.800 --> 00:29:56.240
faith, has their own faith, but you're not going to grow in unison.

434
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:59.120
You guys know that you're not going to grow in unison.

435
00:29:59.120 --> 00:30:00.040
You do not have a spiritual.

436
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.520
You are not going to grow in unison, you're not going to grow at the same level, you're

437
00:30:03.520 --> 00:30:06.320
not going to grow at the same rates or the same speed, you're not going to grow in the

438
00:30:06.320 --> 00:30:08.240
same way.

439
00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:09.800
Can you wrap your heart around that?

440
00:30:09.800 --> 00:30:11.800
Can you receive it?

441
00:30:11.800 --> 00:30:15.260
You're not.

442
00:30:15.260 --> 00:30:19.000
When I married David, he had already been in vocational ministry, which means ministry

443
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:25.960
was his job at a megachurch, spirit-filled church, for over 20 years when I met him.

444
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:32.680
When he met me, I had already been in vocational ministry, meaning I was a leader in a church

445
00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:42.760
doing ministry work as a career for 17 years.

446
00:30:42.760 --> 00:30:43.760
But guess what?

447
00:30:43.760 --> 00:30:44.760
We were not alike spiritually at all.

448
00:30:44.760 --> 00:30:45.840
We were not alike spiritually.

449
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:48.100
The way that we connected with God was not the same.

450
00:30:48.100 --> 00:30:49.760
The way that we grew was not the same.

451
00:30:49.760 --> 00:30:55.200
Over the course of the next 10, 12, 15 years, our relationships with God looked very different.

452
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:56.680
Our growth looked very different.

453
00:30:56.680 --> 00:30:58.480
Our revelation looked very different.

454
00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:03.000
At any time I ever tried to kind of pull him into what God was doing in my life, it's not

455
00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:04.000
that we didn't talk.

456
00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:07.680
It's not that we didn't share those things, but when you start forcing your revelation

457
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:12.280
on someone else, your timeline on someone else, your rate of growth on someone else,

458
00:31:12.280 --> 00:31:16.640
that's when you start struggling in marriage.

459
00:31:16.640 --> 00:31:17.880
That's when things start getting hard.

460
00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:25.160
That's when people start feeling judged and not seen, but judged, misunderstood, resistant.

461
00:31:25.160 --> 00:31:33.200
So let's be careful with that.

462
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:34.200
All right.

463
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:35.200
So did I answer your question?

464
00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:36.200
Pipe back up.

465
00:31:36.200 --> 00:31:37.880
Who was that?

466
00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:38.880
That was me.

467
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:41.520
We would love if you, when you get a chance, do a teaching on that.

468
00:31:41.520 --> 00:31:43.760
I think you've mentioned it on Supernatural Saturdays too.

469
00:31:43.760 --> 00:31:44.760
Maybe do a teaching on that.

470
00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:45.760
It'd be awesome.

471
00:31:45.760 --> 00:31:46.760
Okay.

472
00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:47.760
I will.

473
00:31:47.760 --> 00:31:51.600
I'm going to do a teaching on unpacking the scriptures about spiritual leadership of the

474
00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:52.600
man.

475
00:31:52.600 --> 00:31:56.400
There's a passage from the scripture about the man is the head of the family, the head,

476
00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:57.400
right?

477
00:31:57.400 --> 00:31:58.840
Christ is the head of the man and the man is the head.

478
00:31:58.840 --> 00:32:03.880
So I'll do a teaching on that so you'll see that it doesn't mean what you think it does.

479
00:32:03.880 --> 00:32:06.880
And the reason why you think it means that is because somewhere along the line, some

480
00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:12.040
church picked up the scripture, just like the scripture of this woman saying that seven

481
00:32:12.040 --> 00:32:16.040
women are going to grab one man, and they made it mean whatever they wanted it to mean,

482
00:32:16.040 --> 00:32:17.860
but it actually isn't what it means.

483
00:32:17.860 --> 00:32:21.200
Just like the teachings on divorce, someone grabbed him and said, oh, hey, this is what

484
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:22.200
it means.

485
00:32:22.800 --> 00:32:26.640
So unless you have evidence that this person has cheated on you and had sex with someone

486
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:30.360
else, then you cannot get divorced because you're committing adultery.

487
00:32:30.360 --> 00:32:38.280
That's not what the scripture says.

488
00:32:38.280 --> 00:32:41.000
So we can't just read the Bible, y'all.

489
00:32:41.000 --> 00:32:42.000
We've got to read the Bible.

490
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:43.680
We've got to understand what we're reading.

491
00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:44.680
And that's important.

492
00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:50.400
And you guys, if you've known me long enough, you know that one of my primary callings is

493
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:56.520
to rightly divide the word of God for others, to be a teacher that's held accountable to

494
00:32:56.520 --> 00:33:02.960
her teaching, but to take scripture that is being religiously abused and misused and mistaught

495
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:05.600
and misunderstood and make it make sense.

496
00:33:09.600 --> 00:33:11.320
All right, next question.

497
00:33:11.320 --> 00:33:12.320
Let's go ahead and jump in.

498
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:13.920
Leslie, what you got?

499
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:23.520
Oh, I don't think I have a question.

500
00:33:23.520 --> 00:33:24.560
OK, that's all right.

501
00:33:24.560 --> 00:33:26.400
You guys have your hands up maybe for something else.

502
00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:28.000
So put them down if you don't have a question.

503
00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:33.120
I'll give you a second and then I'll we'll start going from there.

504
00:33:33.120 --> 00:33:34.120
All right.

505
00:33:34.120 --> 00:33:37.040
If you have your hand up, I'm going to assume you have a question, Candy.

506
00:33:37.040 --> 00:33:41.440
And you guys, let's be quick with the questions, because a lot of times the questions take

507
00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:42.440
all the time.

508
00:33:42.440 --> 00:33:53.960
OK, how about Alla, is it Alla, Alla?

509
00:33:53.960 --> 00:33:54.960
Help me.

510
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:02.960
All right.

511
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:03.960
Moving on.

512
00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:04.960
Amanda.

513
00:34:04.960 --> 00:34:05.960
Hi, Jackie.

514
00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:06.960
Hi.

515
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:13.480
So I'm going to start with the question and then I'm going to explain really quickly about

516
00:34:13.480 --> 00:34:14.480
what's going on.

517
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:20.480
So the question is, should I continue getting to know this guy I'm talking to?

518
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:23.000
So we were long distance.

519
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:28.440
I'm near Fort Lauderdale, he's near Gainesville, and we've been talking for like two months

520
00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:35.960
and getting to know each other through FaceTime and calling over the phone.

521
00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:39.159
And, you know, we have really different communication styles.

522
00:34:39.159 --> 00:34:41.719
Like I communicate really well.

523
00:34:41.719 --> 00:34:43.800
Well, I assume I do.

524
00:34:43.800 --> 00:34:46.800
And sometimes he takes a while to respond.

525
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:52.800
And then when he does, it's like doesn't even answer the question that I was asking.

526
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:54.400
And he's very unorganized.

527
00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:55.400
He's not a planner.

528
00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:58.760
He doesn't like to plan.

529
00:34:58.760 --> 00:34:59.960
He's more of like an avoidant.

530
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.440
attachment style person, and I'm more like anxious. So I was watching one of the teachings

531
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:13.040
about that and I know you're like, don't do that to yourself. How would you pick someone like that,

532
00:35:13.040 --> 00:35:20.400
you know? But you know, when we went on our date last week, we really had a great time.

533
00:35:21.200 --> 00:35:24.880
Like there was chemistry, there was connection. I enjoyed my time with him.

534
00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:31.920
I just don't know, like, it's funny, you're just talking about like the spiritual maturity.

535
00:35:31.920 --> 00:35:36.160
I don't think he's like, I don't know if he's mature enough, like spiritually,

536
00:35:37.040 --> 00:35:41.760
or just in general, because he loves joking around and I'm still trying to get used to

537
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:47.840
his personality. So I just don't know, like, if I should continue getting to know him or

538
00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:53.200
just kind of like, you know, stop talking to him.

539
00:35:55.680 --> 00:35:57.040
So you've been on one date?

540
00:35:57.040 --> 00:36:00.640
We've been on one date. We were supposed to meet up earlier, but he had like a

541
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:07.680
scapula injury, so it got postponed. So we finally met last week.

542
00:36:07.680 --> 00:36:13.840
And when you say that you're trying to get used to, you know, like his personality,

543
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:19.760
do you mean that he like is off color, he's crude, he says things like, you know,

544
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:24.800
says things that, you know, Christian, like, you know, things that make you uncomfortable,

545
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:29.360
or that Christians wouldn't say, or jokes around about sex or anything,

546
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:31.360
like, like, I need to know what you mean by that.

547
00:36:34.080 --> 00:36:39.360
So it's not really too crude. It's more of like a playful joking around, like,

548
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:45.760
I would ask him a question, like, Oh, what did you do today? Like, how's your day? He wouldn't

549
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:51.360
answer directly. He just be like, Oh, just living life, you know, and goofing around that way. And

550
00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:58.320
it can be annoying a little bit. But I know, he just he told me he's like that. And he told me

551
00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:03.600
like, a lot of the girls that he would talk to before, they would leave when they see him like

552
00:37:03.600 --> 00:37:10.720
that. But he noticed that I stayed. Because I didn't really bother me that much. But yeah,

553
00:37:10.720 --> 00:37:17.360
and it bothered them because like, he's too mysterious, annoying. It's annoying,

554
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:24.400
because like, he won't answer directly. Um, like, like, almost like a private,

555
00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:30.480
like a private situation. Very private. Yeah, he's very private and not like emotionally open.

556
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:35.760
It takes a little bit for me to try to get things, you know, out of him and things like that.

557
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:43.040
Well, I will tell you that the reason why you're asking me this question is because your nervous

558
00:37:43.040 --> 00:37:52.080
system is dysregulated with him. And that's why it doesn't feel safe. It feels exciting. This is

559
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:57.840
what everyone needs to listen to. She doesn't feel safe. She feels excited. But a lot of that is

560
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:02.560
anxiety as well. And that's why she's asking the question. And here's the thing, friends,

561
00:38:02.560 --> 00:38:07.440
when you show up to ask Jackie or you show up to another dating coach, one of our other sessions

562
00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:12.400
with another coach, and you ask a question like this, like, oh, hey, we had fun together, you

563
00:38:12.400 --> 00:38:18.000
know, da da da da. But I wonder if I should keep talking to him. The fact that you're asking it

564
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:26.720
is evidence that you feel like something's off. Because if it wasn't, you wouldn't be asking.

565
00:38:26.720 --> 00:38:32.880
You'd be just having fun. You'd be enjoying it. You'd be enjoying the next time. You'd be

566
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:38.480
thinking about the next time. But you see, she feels something's off. Her nervous system feels

567
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:45.600
off. And is it fun? Yes. Could you continue to have fun with him? Yes. Is he a placeholder?

568
00:38:45.600 --> 00:38:53.280
Probably. Probably. Can he meet you where you are as far as what you want in a mate, a spouse? Is

569
00:38:53.280 --> 00:39:00.640
he ready for that level of relationship? Doesn't sound like it. And the reason why I'm judging that

570
00:39:00.640 --> 00:39:07.680
is because I have had a lot of experience with men who will not answer questions directly. Hey,

571
00:39:07.680 --> 00:39:11.760
what did you do today? Oh, I went to work. You know, I went to the gym. They're like,

572
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:16.480
just live in life. It's like they don't want to tell you what they did today.

573
00:39:17.440 --> 00:39:21.760
They don't want you to ask them a question that they feel like they have to answer because they

574
00:39:21.760 --> 00:39:26.080
don't want to be held accountable to you and they don't want to check in. And that's a red flag.

575
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:33.520
He's playing it off like he's playful. But the reason he even outed himself when he said,

576
00:39:34.080 --> 00:39:40.080
other women have left when I've been like this. Yeah, because they saw the writing on the wall.

577
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:45.360
Like, oh, I'm never going to know what this guy's up to. He's never going to tell me.

578
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:50.480
He's not going to be held accountable because he's private. No, he's not private. He's sneaky.

579
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:57.920
There's a difference between those two things. Girl, you know, you know, I know. Yes.

580
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.000
They always are.

581
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:02.000
They always are.

582
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:03.000
And you've been having a fun time.

583
00:40:03.000 --> 00:40:04.000
You're so funny.

584
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:05.000
Thank you, Jackie.

585
00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:06.000
Well, you know what?

586
00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:07.000
You had some fun.

587
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:08.000
But you're looking for a husband.

588
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:09.000
Yes, ma'am.

589
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:10.000
Yep.

590
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:11.000
So don't let him waste your time.

591
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:12.000
Thank you.

592
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:13.000
All right.

593
00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:28.000
You guys, those are the harder, kind of harder, and this is what I'm teaching in the Modern

594
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:32.720
Dating Sucks book club, is how to discern, not only does this person have the characteristics

595
00:40:32.720 --> 00:40:35.080
that I need, and how do you discern that?

596
00:40:35.080 --> 00:40:39.040
In the first 30 days of knowing them, she's already been talking to him for two months,

597
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:42.720
you are able to discern where they're at, are they marriage curious, or are they marriage

598
00:40:42.720 --> 00:40:43.720
minded?

599
00:40:43.720 --> 00:40:45.660
It doesn't mean that they're going to marry you.

600
00:40:45.660 --> 00:40:54.000
It just means, hold on, y'all, we've got a lot of background noise somewhere, okay, are

601
00:40:54.000 --> 00:40:57.800
they marriage curious, or are they marriage minded?

602
00:40:57.800 --> 00:41:03.080
Have they done the work in order to go to the next level of relationship?

603
00:41:03.080 --> 00:41:05.520
Not just with you, with anybody.

604
00:41:05.520 --> 00:41:06.760
Are they ready?

605
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:09.680
What's their marriage readiness, their relationship readiness score?

606
00:41:09.680 --> 00:41:12.440
And that's a lot of the work that we've been doing, because no one needs to waste their

607
00:41:12.440 --> 00:41:13.440
time at this level.

608
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:19.760
You guys, none of you need to waste your time, because you're having fun, and you think it's

609
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:25.440
going somewhere, and wake up six months, nine months from now, realizing that this is a

610
00:41:25.440 --> 00:41:26.440
dead end.

611
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:30.920
No, we don't got time for that.

612
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:32.920
We don't, and we're not going to do it.

613
00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:35.440
Okay, Ala, did you have a question?

614
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:42.440
Yes, yes, hi, Jackie.

615
00:41:42.440 --> 00:41:43.440
Hi.

616
00:41:43.440 --> 00:41:55.440
Yes, I came to conclusion to stop dating anymore, to be up, perhaps.

617
00:41:57.440 --> 00:42:08.440
I will take, I'm looking for my husband to find me.

618
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:10.440
So, this is my backstory.

619
00:42:10.440 --> 00:42:12.440
I have been one year.

620
00:42:12.440 --> 00:42:14.440
Okay, we don't have time for backstories right now.

621
00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:17.440
Do you have a question for the loveseat?

622
00:42:20.440 --> 00:42:21.440
Yes.

623
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:22.440
Okay.

624
00:42:22.440 --> 00:42:24.440
My question, why am I still single?

625
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:29.440
Well, that's a really loaded question, and I'd have to really know you really well in

626
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:31.440
order to unpack that with you.

627
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:34.440
But I promise you, it's not because God's holding out on you.

628
00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:36.440
It's not because you don't deserve a husband.

629
00:42:36.440 --> 00:42:39.440
It's not because you're not healed enough, or you're not good enough.

630
00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:41.440
It's not because you have kids.

631
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:43.440
I hear some children in the background.

632
00:42:43.440 --> 00:42:45.440
It's not because of mistakes you've made in the past.

633
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:47.440
It's nothing like that.

634
00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:49.440
It could be very practical.

635
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:51.440
It could be geography.

636
00:42:52.440 --> 00:42:57.440
I don't know how many children you have, but it could be your level of being able to meet

637
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:02.440
new people and your community, what community you're in, what you're doing with your life,

638
00:43:02.440 --> 00:43:05.440
your free time, how you meet people, where you meet people.

639
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:07.440
It could be a lot of different things.

640
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.440
And so, we don't really have time to unpack that, but we do have a moment to encourage

641
00:43:12.440 --> 00:43:19.440
you that if you feel exhausted by dating, which is what I'm hearing from you, you feel

642
00:43:19.440 --> 00:43:23.440
discouraged, which is what I'm seeing in you, it's okay for you to just go ahead and

643
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:24.440
take a break.

644
00:43:24.440 --> 00:43:28.440
It's okay for you just to say, you know, God, I'm just going to fully give this to you.

645
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:29.440
You know it's the desire of my heart.

646
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:33.440
You know that I want it more than anything, but I'm going to go ahead and surrender it

647
00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:34.440
to you because I'm burnt out.

648
00:43:34.440 --> 00:43:35.440
I'm exhausted.

649
00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:37.440
I feel hopeless and discouraged.

650
00:43:37.440 --> 00:43:40.440
And then focus on something that's in your control.

651
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:42.440
This is not in your control.

652
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:44.440
Focus on something that's in your control.

653
00:43:44.440 --> 00:43:46.440
Focus on taking a walk with your kids.

654
00:43:46.440 --> 00:43:48.440
Focus on your health.

655
00:43:48.440 --> 00:43:49.440
Focus on your children's health.

656
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:58.440
Focus on crafts or creating in any which way that you find, you know, healing and productive.

657
00:43:58.440 --> 00:44:00.440
That's what you should focus on.

658
00:44:00.440 --> 00:44:04.440
And friends, I've seen it happen a lot when people get to where she is right now where

659
00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:08.440
she feels like she's done everything that she knows to do and this is not happening

660
00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:09.440
for her.

661
00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:13.440
They kind of let go of control and good things happen.

662
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:18.440
And so I just want to encourage you to do that because there isn't anyone here that

663
00:44:18.440 --> 00:44:22.440
hasn't felt the feelings that you're feeling right now, including myself.

664
00:44:22.440 --> 00:44:27.440
And it's really good to just take a step back and just exhale and give it to God.

665
00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:28.440
Okay.

666
00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:32.440
Okay.

667
00:44:32.440 --> 00:44:33.440
Thank you.

668
00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:35.440
All right.

669
00:44:35.440 --> 00:44:37.440
I'll have one more question.

670
00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:41.440
Allah, I have one more question for you.

671
00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:42.440
Where do you live?

672
00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:43.440
Where do you live?

673
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:45.440
I live in Florida.

674
00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:47.440
What part?

675
00:44:47.440 --> 00:44:48.440
Sarasota.

676
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:50.440
Sarasota.

677
00:44:50.440 --> 00:44:51.440
And how old are you?

678
00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:52.440
I'm 41.

679
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:54.440
41.

680
00:44:54.440 --> 00:44:55.440
And how many kids do you have?

681
00:44:55.440 --> 00:44:56.440
I have three kids.

682
00:44:57.440 --> 00:44:58.440
Divorced or widowed?

683
00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:00.440
Divorced.

684
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.560
worst. Okay. And how is your relationship with your ex-spouse?

685
00:45:03.560 --> 00:45:04.400
Is it amicable?

686
00:45:05.560 --> 00:45:09.000
No, no. He, um, he has abandoned us.

687
00:45:09.040 --> 00:45:12.800
We haven't seen him in three years or have no way of communicating.

688
00:45:13.400 --> 00:45:17.040
So you can relocate because you don't have shared parenting.

689
00:45:17.060 --> 00:45:18.160
You can do whatever you need to do.

690
00:45:19.160 --> 00:45:22.480
No, really. God has blessed me with an awesome home.

691
00:45:23.080 --> 00:45:28.080
Okay. That is, um, and I, um, I'm just trying to stay in Florida.

692
00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:32.360
Florida. Okay. All right. So friends, come on.

693
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:35.840
You see your sister here. She's done everything that she can.

694
00:45:36.040 --> 00:45:37.040
She's a single mama.

695
00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:40.240
So she doesn't have a lot of free time to go off dating and trying to figure

696
00:45:40.240 --> 00:45:44.440
things out. She lives in Sarasota, beautiful place.

697
00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:47.200
She has her own home. She has children.

698
00:45:47.200 --> 00:45:49.000
She doesn't have a baby daddy in the picture.

699
00:45:49.000 --> 00:45:52.440
That's going to try to cause any trouble because he's gone though. All right.

700
00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:54.600
So that's good. That's in her favor at this point, right?

701
00:45:54.600 --> 00:45:57.800
Because a lot of times, you know, putting up with the next baby daddy is a lot.

702
00:45:58.200 --> 00:46:01.880
And so, um, but she wants partnership. She wants a love story.

703
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:06.000
She's only 41 years old. You see her, she's beautiful. And so do your thing.

704
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:10.000
If you know anyone in that area or any surrounding area or anyone who wants to

705
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.400
move to beautiful Sarasota, Florida, um, go ahead and let her know.

706
00:46:14.680 --> 00:46:18.040
I know that our coach, Bethany Cooper lives very close to there.

707
00:46:18.040 --> 00:46:21.960
She lives in Fort Myers, which is about an hour, hour, 15,

708
00:46:21.960 --> 00:46:26.080
hour 30 from where you live. And she has a whole church there,

709
00:46:26.200 --> 00:46:29.320
whole church community. And so, um, you guys,

710
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:31.160
community-based matchmaking is where it's at.

711
00:46:31.160 --> 00:46:34.240
I already read you a story about that at the beginning of tonight's call.

712
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:38.120
And so if you know anyone that she should meet, you either contact her,

713
00:46:38.160 --> 00:46:41.320
drop in her DMS, make sure that you know this person and they're not a cuckoo

714
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:44.440
bird because she doesn't need any more of that. Okay. She's already had that.

715
00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:47.680
She doesn't want that. All right. Um, or otherwise,

716
00:46:47.680 --> 00:46:50.880
if you don't feel comfortable, you can go through us to get her an introduction.

717
00:46:51.240 --> 00:46:53.160
All right. Thank you, Allah. All right.

718
00:46:53.600 --> 00:46:57.240
Thank you. Rosanna, Rosanna.

719
00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:02.000
Hi. Hi. I have a quick question of whether I should communicate with this guy.

720
00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:05.520
We matched, um, almost two years ago. Um, we met at a coffee shop.

721
00:47:05.520 --> 00:47:08.200
It was really great. Good conversation, chemistry. Um,

722
00:47:08.240 --> 00:47:10.880
I'm actually very attracted to him physically. Um,

723
00:47:10.920 --> 00:47:14.400
we talked for just a couple of weeks and then he said, I'm not ready. Um,

724
00:47:14.800 --> 00:47:18.880
that, you know, whatever. I'm like, okay, fine. I was really bummed about it. Um,

725
00:47:19.120 --> 00:47:21.960
and then he actually, a couple months later was like,

726
00:47:21.960 --> 00:47:23.360
I can understand if you don't want to speak to me,

727
00:47:23.360 --> 00:47:26.320
but I wouldn't have to like apologize for how like I ended things.

728
00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:30.160
It turns out like he found himself extremely sexually attracted to me and just

729
00:47:30.160 --> 00:47:33.560
did not want to like whatever. And so he apologized. He's like,

730
00:47:33.560 --> 00:47:35.120
I didn't want to be disrespectful or anything like that,

731
00:47:35.120 --> 00:47:37.480
but that's where I was. And I was like, Oh, okay.

732
00:47:37.480 --> 00:47:40.640
And we had chatted for a little bit and we didn't really talk much after it on

733
00:47:40.640 --> 00:47:44.880
an very small, like, Hey, Merry Christmas, whatever. And then, um,

734
00:47:44.920 --> 00:47:49.880
this now fast forward this past Sunday, um, I was actually thinking about him.

735
00:47:49.880 --> 00:47:52.040
We haven't talked in a while. And then, um,

736
00:47:52.640 --> 00:47:56.120
he communicated with me that next Monday, the next day. And he was like, Hey,

737
00:47:56.160 --> 00:47:59.840
were you at Easton yesterday on Sunday? I thought I saw you. And I was like,

738
00:47:59.880 --> 00:48:02.440
uh, no, I wasn't. And he was like, Oh, it's ironic.

739
00:48:02.440 --> 00:48:05.000
We were both thinking about each other and it's been, it's been a long time.

740
00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:08.960
And so, um, I was like, well, you could still see me, um,

741
00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:12.440
like in person if you're still single. Um, and he was like,

742
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:14.160
I would love to see you if you're interested.

743
00:48:14.160 --> 00:48:17.120
And so we met up actually at the same exact place that we met for our first

744
00:48:17.160 --> 00:48:21.520
date almost two years ago. And so, um, he's 34, he's never been married,

745
00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:24.800
uh, doesn't have any children and he is interested in marriage and stuff.

746
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:28.360
We align with a lot of things, um, with, I have a heart for women.

747
00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:31.720
He has a heart for men. So there's a lot of stuff that we agree on. Um,

748
00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:35.040
and so there was one yellow flag. He did get injured, um, on the job.

749
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:36.840
So he has to work with, um,

750
00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:41.720
workers comp to try to navigate getting his work established again.

751
00:48:42.200 --> 00:48:45.560
And so I didn't, I did bring up, I'm like, I'm nine years older than you.

752
00:48:45.560 --> 00:48:47.560
And I do have five children. Like, would you ever,

753
00:48:47.560 --> 00:48:50.000
are you serious about wanting to date a woman with children? He's like,

754
00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:52.920
I wasn't before when I was younger, but I am now like, I can't,

755
00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:54.240
I don't want to hold that against a woman,

756
00:48:54.240 --> 00:48:58.320
especially if there's a connection there. So we went out, it was great.

757
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:01.200
We both, um, got really healthy. He lost,

758
00:49:01.240 --> 00:49:03.920
he gained 40 pounds and muscle. I lost weight and blah, blah, blah.

759
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:08.040
So the connection is still there physically in chemistry. But then, um,

760
00:49:08.080 --> 00:49:12.040
we talked that night afterward. So it's been a week now and we haven't talked.

761
00:49:12.040 --> 00:49:15.120
So he was at his Bible study. He was like, Hey, how did your thing go?

762
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:17.840
I was like, it was great. How was your Bible study? Once again,

763
00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:20.640
it was really great seeing you. I saw that he read it on Friday.

764
00:49:21.040 --> 00:49:22.040
I haven't heard back.

765
00:49:22.440 --> 00:49:25.480
I wanted to encourage him on something about like something he had mentioned

766
00:49:25.480 --> 00:49:28.520
about ministry. Um, but I have, I haven't reached out to him,

767
00:49:28.600 --> 00:49:30.720
so I don't know if it's just, okay.

768
00:49:30.720 --> 00:49:33.960
How do you go know that the physical chemistry was there? Did y'all kiss?

769
00:49:34.440 --> 00:49:38.280
No, we didn't. It was just, I don't know. Well, we both verbally said it too.

770
00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:42.680
Um, like, well, I'll find you very attractive. Like it was just there. Um,

771
00:49:43.200 --> 00:49:45.840
and talking wise, like, yeah, we both were just like,

772
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:48.520
we both said we were extremely attracted to one another and,

773
00:49:48.960 --> 00:49:51.480
and the conversation was really good. So, but no touching.

774
00:49:51.520 --> 00:49:54.280
We hugged a couple of times. Yes. Um, but that was about it.

775
00:49:55.280 --> 00:50:00.000
Okay. And then he left and then you talked a little bit and then he.

776
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.520
left you on red. Yes. Okay. Um, have you noticed that this guy does this?

777
00:50:08.640 --> 00:50:13.120
He deft it. I think he must've done it again. He must've done it one time other before. I'm

778
00:50:13.120 --> 00:50:16.960
trying to remember because it was almost like he did it when he disappeared and he disappeared

779
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:20.400
because he found you physically attractive, but he didn't bother to tell you that he just,

780
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:25.280
he just dipped. He did. He said the day after we stopped talking, we were supposed to talk on the

781
00:50:26.240 --> 00:50:31.280
after two weeks or whatever. He said he didn't talk to me. So he didn't pick up the phone that

782
00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:34.960
night. The next day at around lunchtime, he was like, Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't pick up.

783
00:50:35.520 --> 00:50:40.240
Um, this is really great. Great getting to know you. I've just not ready for a relationship right

784
00:50:40.240 --> 00:50:44.960
now. And that's how he left it. That was, uh, almost two years ago, whatever. Yeah. So,

785
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:52.240
but, but he, when he showed back up, he said, he said, uh, sorry about how, how I did that.

786
00:50:52.240 --> 00:50:56.640
I was just really physically attracted to you. Okay. All right. So here's the thing. Everyone

787
00:50:56.640 --> 00:51:03.200
listen, listen up. Right. So when he said to her, I'm not ready for a relationship, he was being

788
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:11.680
honest. That is the real reason why he didn't want to talk to her was because he could tell that she

789
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:16.400
wanted a relationship. That's what she's looking for. That's not what he's looking for. At that

790
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:20.560
time in his life, he was looking for whatever he was looking for. Okay. And you guys were like,

791
00:51:20.560 --> 00:51:24.240
well, he's a Christian. So he's not looking for a hookup. You don't know that. Okay. I know lots

792
00:51:24.240 --> 00:51:28.960
of Christians. This is what I do for a living. Remember? Okay. So I get lots and lots of feedback.

793
00:51:28.960 --> 00:51:34.000
Okay. So that happened. Then he circles back around. Cause guess what? Bro's still single.

794
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:38.560
He doesn't have a girlfriend and, or he's in between girlfriends or hookups or whatever.

795
00:51:38.560 --> 00:51:44.160
Cause we don't know him yet. We don't know. We only know his behavior. You guys, please do not

796
00:51:44.160 --> 00:51:50.240
assume, you know, people all, you know, is their behavior. And so you have to judge them on their

797
00:51:50.240 --> 00:51:55.920
behavior. Like, well, we don't judge people. Yes, we do. We judge the tree by its fruit. Okay. Now,

798
00:51:55.920 --> 00:52:01.040
listen, this guy shows back up. Now, let me ask you a question. It's the honest question, Rosanna,

799
00:52:01.040 --> 00:52:06.000
if he would have, if he would have shown back up after just saying, Hey, listen, I don't want a

800
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:10.800
relationship. And then, and then gone. And then he, and if he would have showed back up and just

801
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:18.240
been like, Hey, you know, um, you know, hi, like I didn't, I didn't meet any other single women and,

802
00:52:18.240 --> 00:52:21.920
you know, you're the most attractive woman that I've met in the last year. So, you know, I'd like

803
00:52:21.920 --> 00:52:26.080
to, you know, maybe waste some more of your time. Would you have been like, yeah, sure. Let's hang

804
00:52:26.080 --> 00:52:32.720
out. No, but what he did was, is he gave you a compliment instead of saying, I'm not ready for

805
00:52:32.720 --> 00:52:38.720
a relationship. He said, Oh, well, the truth was, is that you're just so fine. You fine girl. I just

806
00:52:38.720 --> 00:52:45.200
couldn't resist myself around you. I mean, give me a fricking break. All right. You are beautiful,

807
00:52:45.200 --> 00:52:51.600
but that's not the truth. The truth is, is that he was looking for something much easier. He saw

808
00:52:51.600 --> 00:52:55.680
when he got with you that you weren't going to be easy, that you were going to actually take

809
00:52:55.680 --> 00:53:03.680
relationship investment in order to get you in the sheets. That's my opinion. Okay. And so he

810
00:53:03.680 --> 00:53:09.440
is gone. All right. Now he's showing back up and now he's gone again.

811
00:53:11.360 --> 00:53:16.160
He's already gone again. You got together and I know nothing happened and you guys didn't

812
00:53:16.160 --> 00:53:20.320
kiss or make out or whatever, but you know, we have no idea what his motivations were,

813
00:53:20.320 --> 00:53:25.120
but we do know that he has no ability whatsoever to sustain connection.

814
00:53:27.040 --> 00:53:32.320
Right. Yeah. And you already said it, mama, you're nine years older than him. You got five kids.

815
00:53:32.320 --> 00:53:40.960
You have no time for another kid. Bye boy. Bye. All right. No, I appreciate it. I think it was,

816
00:53:40.960 --> 00:53:46.240
I really hope that you do not entertain one more message from him. Delete block. You're not his

817
00:53:46.240 --> 00:53:51.040
friend. You don't want to talk to him anymore. He's already shown you what he's got available

818
00:53:51.040 --> 00:53:56.320
and it ain't nothing. Okay. Thank you. I think, I think part of it was like, I was, this is the

819
00:53:56.320 --> 00:54:03.280
first guy I've actually super been physically attracted to. That's your first flag, right?

820
00:54:03.280 --> 00:54:08.480
Because normally it's mental that I get attracted to, but we had the mental and the physical,

821
00:54:08.480 --> 00:54:11.920
but that doesn't mean that there's not other men around who aren't going to be the same way.

822
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:17.040
So thank you very much. You, you're you, we got it. We're going to shift your attractions to men

823
00:54:17.040 --> 00:54:22.960
that actually have something to offer you. All right. Thank you. I appreciate it. It's going

824
00:54:23.040 --> 00:54:27.440
to happen. And you guys, another thing, this is what we're doing in the book club. I know that it

825
00:54:27.440 --> 00:54:31.920
seems mean, but if you guys don't get a little more savage out here, your dating lives, especially

826
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:35.840
you ladies who are just people pleasers and you don't want to confront, you don't want to hurt

827
00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:42.160
anyone's feelings and you want to give everyone a chance. Okay. If you're like a manager for

828
00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:47.920
Chick-fil-A, then give everyone a chance. You know, it's my pleasure to give you a job and to

829
00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:52.880
let you do the nugs. You messed up the fries. You get to do the nugs. This is your fricking

830
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:58.720
lineage and legacy. You don't give people chances over and over and over and over again, especially

831
00:54:58.720 --> 00:54:59.920
when you have no investment.

832
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.560
in these people.

833
00:55:01.560 --> 00:55:03.480
These people are strangers off the street.

834
00:55:03.480 --> 00:55:04.360
You barely know them.

835
00:55:04.360 --> 00:55:05.480
You don't even know their middle name.

836
00:55:05.480 --> 00:55:06.840
You don't know their mama's name.

837
00:55:06.840 --> 00:55:10.640
You don't have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

838
00:55:10.640 --> 00:55:13.140
In fact, if there's doubt,

839
00:55:13.140 --> 00:55:15.480
then you need to work that to your benefit

840
00:55:15.480 --> 00:55:18.300
and get moving away from them.

841
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:22.200
Your doubt should be your number one sign

842
00:55:22.200 --> 00:55:23.360
that this ain't right.

843
00:55:24.240 --> 00:55:25.520
You hear me?

844
00:55:25.520 --> 00:55:26.600
Serious, get savage.

845
00:55:26.600 --> 00:55:28.580
If you guys wanna get to the good guys,

846
00:55:28.580 --> 00:55:31.500
you're gonna have to weed through a lot of the other guys.

847
00:55:31.500 --> 00:55:33.260
And you're gonna, the faster you weed through them,

848
00:55:33.260 --> 00:55:36.260
the faster that you let them weed themselves out,

849
00:55:36.260 --> 00:55:37.640
like this guy just did.

850
00:55:38.980 --> 00:55:40.500
The thing is, is she didn't show up here

851
00:55:40.500 --> 00:55:42.160
because she's physically attracted.

852
00:55:42.160 --> 00:55:43.860
She probably would have given him another chance.

853
00:55:43.860 --> 00:55:46.320
He's gonna show up with some cockamamie story.

854
00:55:47.420 --> 00:55:49.780
Oh, sorry that I ghosted you for two days.

855
00:55:49.780 --> 00:55:51.900
I left you on read, but you know,

856
00:55:51.900 --> 00:55:54.740
oh, my collarbone's hurting, or this happened,

857
00:55:54.740 --> 00:55:57.500
or my worker's comp injury flared up,

858
00:55:57.500 --> 00:55:59.940
or, you know, I had a flat tire,

859
00:55:59.940 --> 00:56:02.540
or I just got so attracted to you

860
00:56:02.540 --> 00:56:04.780
and I got so convicted from the Holy Spirit

861
00:56:04.780 --> 00:56:07.780
that I just didn't wanna talk to you because bleh.

862
00:56:07.780 --> 00:56:08.620
No!

863
00:56:10.900 --> 00:56:12.340
I call BS on all that.

864
00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:15.740
I know, and here's the thing.

865
00:56:15.740 --> 00:56:18.580
If he was mid-ugly,

866
00:56:18.580 --> 00:56:20.200
we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

867
00:56:20.200 --> 00:56:21.740
The only reason she's showing up here

868
00:56:21.740 --> 00:56:24.020
trying to get permission to continue to talk to him

869
00:56:24.020 --> 00:56:25.700
after he's done this twice

870
00:56:25.700 --> 00:56:28.060
is because she thinks he's hot.

871
00:56:32.020 --> 00:56:35.380
You guys, we will dismiss so many things

872
00:56:36.740 --> 00:56:40.460
over hotness, over what we think is hotness.

873
00:56:40.460 --> 00:56:41.820
Gentlemen, you guys too.

874
00:56:42.700 --> 00:56:44.920
She's straight up crazy.

875
00:56:44.920 --> 00:56:48.260
She's straight up crazy, right?

876
00:56:48.260 --> 00:56:50.540
She's got a circus and all the monkeys,

877
00:56:50.540 --> 00:56:53.820
and you're still signing up for it because she's hot, right?

878
00:56:53.820 --> 00:56:54.900
That's what's happening.

879
00:56:54.900 --> 00:56:57.340
You guys, I was thinking about some,

880
00:56:57.340 --> 00:56:59.460
not my circus, not my monkeys.

881
00:56:59.460 --> 00:57:00.960
We're coming up with some new ones.

882
00:57:00.960 --> 00:57:05.100
So not my bake sale, not my brownies,

883
00:57:06.820 --> 00:57:08.220
number one on the list.

884
00:57:09.460 --> 00:57:10.640
What was another one?

885
00:57:12.700 --> 00:57:15.220
Not my, oh wait, what was it?

886
00:57:16.580 --> 00:57:20.840
Not my carnival, not my, what was it?

887
00:57:20.840 --> 00:57:22.560
Oh, so many funny ones.

888
00:57:22.560 --> 00:57:25.920
Not my reef, not my sharks was one.

889
00:57:29.600 --> 00:57:30.440
Shoot.

890
00:57:34.060 --> 00:57:34.900
One was funny.

891
00:57:34.900 --> 00:57:37.120
It was like not my carnies, you know, like carnival workers,

892
00:57:37.120 --> 00:57:38.080
but it wasn't carnival.

893
00:57:38.080 --> 00:57:39.800
Not my carnival, not my carnies.

894
00:57:39.800 --> 00:57:40.840
Anyway, funny ones.

895
00:57:40.840 --> 00:57:43.280
Okay, so we gotta think of some new ones for that

896
00:57:43.280 --> 00:57:46.200
because not my circus, not my monkeys has just been done.

897
00:57:46.200 --> 00:57:47.040
It's been done.

898
00:57:47.040 --> 00:57:47.860
We need new ones.

899
00:57:47.860 --> 00:57:51.000
Okay, Hunter, we have, what time?

900
00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:51.840
Eight o'clock.

901
00:57:51.840 --> 00:57:52.880
We have about 15 minutes.

902
00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:54.840
So Hunter, just your question.

903
00:57:54.840 --> 00:57:55.880
I'm holding you to it.

904
00:57:55.880 --> 00:57:57.080
What's your question?

905
00:57:57.080 --> 00:58:00.120
Oh, it's basically, it's about what happened.

906
00:58:00.120 --> 00:58:01.920
And I was, what happened,

907
00:58:01.920 --> 00:58:03.840
I was thinking about this relational question

908
00:58:03.840 --> 00:58:05.080
I was gonna take to you.

909
00:58:05.080 --> 00:58:06.400
What happened was at work,

910
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:09.640
I was talking to some coworkers and I said,

911
00:58:09.640 --> 00:58:12.200
hey, to Tara, one of my female coworkers,

912
00:58:12.200 --> 00:58:13.040
said, that's nice.

913
00:58:13.040 --> 00:58:14.400
Do you know this girl, Brittany, right there?

914
00:58:14.400 --> 00:58:15.480
And she's back.

915
00:58:15.480 --> 00:58:17.880
I'm like, wow, this is Brittany and her fiance

916
00:58:17.880 --> 00:58:19.120
I know for a while.

917
00:58:19.120 --> 00:58:22.520
And she's been away for months and then went and left

918
00:58:22.520 --> 00:58:24.200
and then got hired by another DSP.

919
00:58:24.200 --> 00:58:25.720
And I said, and she said hi to me.

920
00:58:25.720 --> 00:58:26.560
And I said, hi.

921
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:28.440
And then I started to follow and chat

922
00:58:28.440 --> 00:58:31.240
when she was in a shift, I was waiting for mine.

923
00:58:31.240 --> 00:58:32.400
And then we were chatting

924
00:58:32.400 --> 00:58:34.880
and I was talking about catching up on things.

925
00:58:34.880 --> 00:58:37.080
And then finally, and then we're catching up on things.

926
00:58:37.080 --> 00:58:37.920
It was good.

927
00:58:37.920 --> 00:58:38.740
And it came to me now,

928
00:58:38.740 --> 00:58:41.280
it was my natural thing to talk when I go-

929
00:58:41.280 --> 00:58:42.560
I love that for you.

930
00:58:42.560 --> 00:58:43.880
Is there a question though?

931
00:58:43.880 --> 00:58:46.360
Yeah, and then a little bit, and then we'll get to that.

932
00:58:46.360 --> 00:58:49.040
And then her fiance says, hey, Hunter, you better get away

933
00:58:49.960 --> 00:58:50.800
because that's my fiance.

934
00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:51.920
Oh, she has a fiance, okay.

935
00:58:51.920 --> 00:58:53.560
Yes, but here's the thing.

936
00:58:53.560 --> 00:58:55.200
And then he comes down below him and says,

937
00:58:55.200 --> 00:58:57.160
you knew that's my fiance, you need to know.

938
00:58:57.160 --> 00:58:59.920
And then one of my female coworkers turns to say,

939
00:58:59.920 --> 00:59:02.800
dude, he just bugged out, you didn't deserve that.

940
00:59:02.800 --> 00:59:05.160
And then she goes up to the manager and told him about it.

941
00:59:05.160 --> 00:59:07.960
And I was like, dude, I was just, she said hi.

942
00:59:07.960 --> 00:59:10.800
And I was chatting and I decided to chat

943
00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:12.480
and decided to chat and reminiscing.

944
00:59:12.480 --> 00:59:14.480
I mean, it's not like I was trying to hit on her

945
00:59:14.480 --> 00:59:15.680
and make her feel uncomfortable

946
00:59:15.680 --> 00:59:17.400
which would have been a different story.

947
00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:20.920
And then when I got to my time for me to load up my van,

948
00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:22.800
my answer is, take a deep breath, Hunter.

949
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:26.560
This guy was being a, no, or just an insecure jerk.

950
00:59:26.560 --> 00:59:28.680
And so we just, he just, my manager says,

951
00:59:28.680 --> 00:59:30.400
you know what, just take a breather.

952
00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:31.240
You did nothing wrong.

953
00:59:31.240 --> 00:59:33.120
He was just being an insecure jerk.

954
00:59:33.120 --> 00:59:35.800
And I'm thinking, suppose I did mean my spirit

955
00:59:35.800 --> 00:59:37.720
may end up getting engaged.

956
00:59:37.720 --> 00:59:39.560
How do I handle from being,

957
00:59:39.560 --> 00:59:41.080
and I want to maintain a relationship

958
00:59:41.080 --> 00:59:42.720
and told guys to back off.

959
00:59:42.720 --> 00:59:44.120
How do I maintain the difference

960
00:59:44.120 --> 00:59:46.320
from being an insecure jerk to being a guy

961
00:59:46.320 --> 00:59:48.480
who's wanting to defend the relationship?

962
00:59:48.480 --> 00:59:50.760
Okay, I'll answer your question, Hunter.

963
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:52.640
Your question is a good question.

964
00:59:52.640 --> 00:59:54.560
And here's the answer to it.

965
00:59:54.560 --> 00:59:57.160
You, if you're going to get engaged to a woman,

966
00:59:57.160 --> 00:59:59.080
make sure that you get engaged to a woman.

967
00:59:59.080 --> 01:00:00.080
You choose a woman.

968
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.280
that can handle herself and tell men to back off herself.

969
01:00:04.280 --> 01:00:06.400
You don't need to tell them to back off.

970
01:00:06.400 --> 01:00:08.920
The girl that you asked to marry you

971
01:00:08.920 --> 01:00:10.340
that's gonna be your wife,

972
01:00:10.340 --> 01:00:14.280
she should be able to tell them to back off all by herself.

973
01:00:14.280 --> 01:00:15.120
Okay?

974
01:00:15.120 --> 01:00:16.540
If some man is bothering her,

975
01:00:16.540 --> 01:00:18.360
she thinks that he's being inappropriate

976
01:00:18.360 --> 01:00:20.520
or he's flirting with her when she has a boyfriend

977
01:00:20.520 --> 01:00:23.520
or a fiance, then she needs to be able to use her words

978
01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:25.000
and say, hey, I have a boyfriend,

979
01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:27.400
and if he doesn't stop then,

980
01:00:27.400 --> 01:00:29.960
then she can report him at work

981
01:00:29.960 --> 01:00:32.600
or whatever the context is.

982
01:00:32.600 --> 01:00:35.260
So women can speak up for themselves.

983
01:00:35.260 --> 01:00:36.920
We don't need men to speak up for us.

984
01:00:36.920 --> 01:00:39.180
We can tell someone, we don't want your attention,

985
01:00:39.180 --> 01:00:41.640
leave us alone, and you need to get yourself

986
01:00:41.640 --> 01:00:44.160
one of those girls because you can't be with her 24 seven.

987
01:00:44.160 --> 01:00:46.300
So you're not gonna be able to protect her all the time.

988
01:00:46.300 --> 01:00:47.520
If someone does it in front of you,

989
01:00:47.520 --> 01:00:49.320
you can say, hey, she's with me,

990
01:00:49.320 --> 01:00:51.520
and hopefully they'll just leave her alone.

991
01:00:51.520 --> 01:00:54.400
But otherwise she needs to be able to do it for herself.

992
01:00:54.400 --> 01:00:55.240
Okay?

993
01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:57.960
That's the difference is the reason I ask

994
01:00:57.960 --> 01:01:02.480
is because now it was me, she introduced her,

995
01:01:02.480 --> 01:01:04.040
my coworker pointed out and said,

996
01:01:04.040 --> 01:01:05.840
that she instigated and said, hi,

997
01:01:05.840 --> 01:01:09.120
because I known her and her fiance at the same time.

998
01:01:09.120 --> 01:01:10.840
It's just, we've been away for a month.

999
01:01:10.840 --> 01:01:14.040
And she said, hi, because she knows me and I knew her.

1000
01:01:14.040 --> 01:01:16.600
And we, and then all of a sudden I said, hey,

1001
01:01:16.600 --> 01:01:18.240
and I naturally come in reminiscent

1002
01:01:18.240 --> 01:01:20.380
of how things were since we parted.

1003
01:01:20.380 --> 01:01:22.480
It's not like I went up to her and hit on her

1004
01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:23.320
and try to make it work.

1005
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:25.520
If you want validation,

1006
01:01:25.520 --> 01:01:28.960
nothing from your story sounds like you did anything wrong.

1007
01:01:28.960 --> 01:01:31.400
It sounds like this man is just insecure.

1008
01:01:31.400 --> 01:01:32.280
And so guess what?

1009
01:01:32.280 --> 01:01:33.400
You can learn from this.

1010
01:01:33.400 --> 01:01:35.980
When you have a fiance, don't be insecure.

1011
01:01:37.720 --> 01:01:40.160
Pick a woman that doesn't make you feel insecure.

1012
01:01:42.360 --> 01:01:43.180
All right.

1013
01:01:45.160 --> 01:01:47.360
Diva, am I saying that right?

1014
01:01:47.360 --> 01:01:48.480
I can't remember now.

1015
01:01:51.840 --> 01:01:52.680
Where'd she go?

1016
01:01:53.320 --> 01:01:58.320
Did she disappear?

1017
01:02:00.320 --> 01:02:01.160
Cynthia?

1018
01:02:05.760 --> 01:02:06.600
Hi there.

1019
01:02:07.480 --> 01:02:09.560
So my question is,

1020
01:02:11.800 --> 01:02:16.320
how important is it to be in love

1021
01:02:16.320 --> 01:02:17.880
with the person that you marry?

1022
01:02:18.840 --> 01:02:22.220
I've been in a relationship for just over two years.

1023
01:02:23.100 --> 01:02:26.260
I joined last year, single to get clarity.

1024
01:02:26.260 --> 01:02:27.180
He's a wonderful man.

1025
01:02:27.180 --> 01:02:28.580
We get on really well.

1026
01:02:29.700 --> 01:02:33.120
I've known him for more than 30 years, 35 years.

1027
01:02:34.340 --> 01:02:37.300
We were briefly in a relationship when we were students

1028
01:02:37.300 --> 01:02:40.580
and yeah, and then we reconnected.

1029
01:02:42.220 --> 01:02:43.460
We have loads in common.

1030
01:02:43.460 --> 01:02:45.460
We never run out of things to talk about.

1031
01:02:45.460 --> 01:02:47.060
There's lots of compatibility.

1032
01:02:47.060 --> 01:02:48.460
He's an amazing Christian.

1033
01:02:49.020 --> 01:02:54.020
I find him physically attractive, but I don't feel in love.

1034
01:02:54.740 --> 01:02:59.300
So we live in different countries at the moment.

1035
01:02:59.300 --> 01:03:01.260
So we only see each other about once a month,

1036
01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:03.020
but we talk every day

1037
01:03:03.020 --> 01:03:07.180
and exchange lots of back and forth otherwise.

1038
01:03:07.180 --> 01:03:09.220
But I don't miss him when I don't see him.

1039
01:03:09.220 --> 01:03:10.660
He really misses me.

1040
01:03:12.380 --> 01:03:15.300
He proposed to me six months into the relationship

1041
01:03:15.300 --> 01:03:17.220
and it's been waiting ever since.

1042
01:03:17.260 --> 01:03:21.540
And he found you, Jackie, and that's why I joined here.

1043
01:03:21.540 --> 01:03:22.860
Okay.

1044
01:03:22.860 --> 01:03:24.260
Yeah. I love that.

1045
01:03:24.260 --> 01:03:25.100
I love that.

1046
01:03:26.580 --> 01:03:28.900
I love it that he's really proactive

1047
01:03:28.900 --> 01:03:33.460
and yeah, a leader and everything else.

1048
01:03:33.460 --> 01:03:37.900
But yeah, but I've been in love many times,

1049
01:03:37.900 --> 01:03:38.740
but it's not like that.

1050
01:03:38.740 --> 01:03:39.940
When's the last time?

1051
01:03:42.420 --> 01:03:44.300
So I'm now 53.

1052
01:03:44.300 --> 01:03:47.780
In my forties, when would that have been?

1053
01:03:47.780 --> 01:03:52.340
2013, 14, that time.

1054
01:03:52.340 --> 01:03:53.180
Yeah.

1055
01:03:53.180 --> 01:03:54.380
And what happened to that person?

1056
01:03:56.580 --> 01:03:59.700
Oh, we weren't actually in a relationship.

1057
01:03:59.700 --> 01:04:01.540
We had this intense friendship

1058
01:04:01.540 --> 01:04:04.700
and I kept hoping more was going to come of it.

1059
01:04:06.340 --> 01:04:09.100
And yeah, eventually.

1060
01:04:10.100 --> 01:04:11.500
I appreciate that backstory.

1061
01:04:11.500 --> 01:04:12.700
Okay. So you guys, listen,

1062
01:04:12.700 --> 01:04:13.980
I'm going to say some things right now

1063
01:04:14.660 --> 01:04:15.500
that are very unromantic,

1064
01:04:15.500 --> 01:04:16.900
but I want you to listen up.

1065
01:04:16.900 --> 01:04:17.980
Okay.

1066
01:04:17.980 --> 01:04:20.180
So our friend here, Cynthia,

1067
01:04:20.180 --> 01:04:23.940
told us that she has felt the feelings of being in love.

1068
01:04:23.940 --> 01:04:26.260
And I can only assume that she means by that,

1069
01:04:26.260 --> 01:04:29.740
preoccupied with thinking about the person,

1070
01:04:29.740 --> 01:04:30.940
can't wait to see them again,

1071
01:04:30.940 --> 01:04:35.220
feeling butterflies, feeling excited, feeling anticipation.

1072
01:04:35.220 --> 01:04:36.540
But she's talking about a crush.

1073
01:04:36.540 --> 01:04:38.780
She's talking about someone she was friends with,

1074
01:04:38.780 --> 01:04:40.540
something that was unrequited,

1075
01:04:40.540 --> 01:04:43.140
something that she hoped became more than what it was,

1076
01:04:43.140 --> 01:04:44.460
but it didn't, right?

1077
01:04:44.460 --> 01:04:47.900
And so unlike her current relationship with the man

1078
01:04:47.900 --> 01:04:50.100
she's in relationship with now,

1079
01:04:50.100 --> 01:04:53.260
this relationship was more of a fantasy.

1080
01:04:53.260 --> 01:04:54.100
Okay.

1081
01:04:54.100 --> 01:04:55.380
It was a fantasy of what it could be

1082
01:04:55.380 --> 01:04:56.580
or what she hoped it could be.

1083
01:04:56.580 --> 01:05:00.580
And it was based on a lot of nervous system situations.

1084
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.280
Situation with butterflies and excitement and different things

1085
01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:09.060
But the thing that she didn't have to do with the man that she was in love with in her 40s

1086
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:11.200
She didn't have to

1087
01:05:11.880 --> 01:05:17.160
Have conflict and repair with him. She didn't have to go through seasons of time with him

1088
01:05:17.160 --> 01:05:20.800
She didn't have to do very unromantic things with him

1089
01:05:21.320 --> 01:05:25.360
she got to have this like fantasy about him and

1090
01:05:26.040 --> 01:05:30.520
They didn't probably work together long enough for him to ever ruin the fantasy

1091
01:05:30.520 --> 01:05:36.000
The only reason that he ruined the fantasy was because he didn't have it about her and they didn't end up in a relationship

1092
01:05:36.720 --> 01:05:39.520
So this is what we do friends. And so

1093
01:05:40.200 --> 01:05:46.080
Also what I want to tell you guys is that when we get older you need to know that the reason why we call it

1094
01:05:46.440 --> 01:05:48.440
chemistry

1095
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:51.280
Is because it has to do with hormones. I

1096
01:05:52.280 --> 01:05:58.560
Want you to think back of your first crush when you were a kid the first person that you were excited about you probably

1097
01:05:58.920 --> 01:06:03.720
Wrote their name all over your notebook and you couldn't stop thinking about them and you just couldn't stop

1098
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:07.120
You know wondering what it would be like to kiss them and you know

1099
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:11.520
Maybe you actually did date them, you know for a little while and it was so exciting until it wasn't

1100
01:06:11.800 --> 01:06:16.880
But the bottom line is is that back in those days you had a lot of hormones in your body

1101
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:20.680
Lots of hormones in your body, okay

1102
01:06:20.680 --> 01:06:26.000
and those are connection hormones all of those hormones the dopamine the serotonin the

1103
01:06:26.840 --> 01:06:28.360
the hormones that

1104
01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:29.120
Hopefully, you know

1105
01:06:29.120 --> 01:06:33.560
I mean if you were having sex back then when you were younger and your sex drive was really high

1106
01:06:33.560 --> 01:06:35.480
It was probably the best sex of your life

1107
01:06:35.480 --> 01:06:42.240
you know because your hormones and all of your nerve endings in your nervous system and the

1108
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:46.200
Orgasms were strong because you know, everything was strong

1109
01:06:47.000 --> 01:06:49.000
You can't compare that time to now

1110
01:06:49.680 --> 01:06:56.160
Okay, we're older and for those of you that are over 50 that your past menopause gentlemen, you're in menopause

1111
01:06:56.160 --> 01:06:58.160
You know gentlemen have menopause too

1112
01:06:58.720 --> 01:07:03.280
Whether they know it or not. This is where their testosterone is low in different

1113
01:07:04.120 --> 01:07:05.280
emotion

1114
01:07:05.280 --> 01:07:06.720
hormone

1115
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:12.020
Hormones that create emotions. They're less now. It doesn't mean that we can't have amazing

1116
01:07:12.740 --> 01:07:18.980
Relationships does it mean that we can't have great partnerships? Does it mean that we can't have passionate relationships? No

1117
01:07:19.500 --> 01:07:21.500
But it's not gonna feel like that

1118
01:07:21.780 --> 01:07:24.620
It's not gonna feel like puppy love. It's not

1119
01:07:25.300 --> 01:07:26.340
Okay

1120
01:07:26.340 --> 01:07:31.700
What you want in a partner now is someone that you love to be with

1121
01:07:32.140 --> 01:07:39.580
Okay that understands you that's so supportive that you genuinely enjoy you need that best friend component happening

1122
01:07:39.740 --> 01:07:46.020
But a best friend that you actually want to have sex with okay, you might not be dreaming about them

1123
01:07:46.540 --> 01:07:50.020
All right, you might not be fantasizing about what they look like naked

1124
01:07:50.580 --> 01:07:55.060
But you're also not disgusted by the thought of it. You also have

1125
01:07:56.100 --> 01:08:00.180
Enough attraction to where when you're alone and when it's appropriate

1126
01:08:00.580 --> 01:08:04.940
It'll be on like Donkey Kong. All right, you got to have all those things

1127
01:08:05.260 --> 01:08:10.980
So it sounds to me like you have a mature love for this person and

1128
01:08:11.580 --> 01:08:14.700
It's not a reckless kind of nervous system

1129
01:08:15.300 --> 01:08:20.340
igniting situation from your early 40s because you're 10 years older and

1130
01:08:21.300 --> 01:08:25.720
It's a different season of your life, but it sounds like this man is very patient with you

1131
01:08:26.020 --> 01:08:29.700
It also sounds I'd also sound Cynthia like in your younger years

1132
01:08:29.700 --> 01:08:33.180
I don't know how you are now, but it sounds like you might have had more of an anxious attachment

1133
01:08:34.180 --> 01:08:35.979
Kind of

1134
01:08:35.979 --> 01:08:40.540
Attachment style anxious attachers tend to be very romantic. They tend to be very

1135
01:08:41.460 --> 01:08:45.500
Idealistic they tend to be very fantasizing

1136
01:08:46.260 --> 01:08:51.380
And they usually pick avoidance. They usually pick people who are not going to choose them back

1137
01:08:52.460 --> 01:08:56.540
Not not officially at least not officially. They're not going to choose you back

1138
01:08:56.540 --> 01:09:00.979
They'll string you along because they like the attention and so they'll give you just enough

1139
01:09:00.979 --> 01:09:03.660
They'll breadcrumb you just enough to kind of keep you there

1140
01:09:03.979 --> 01:09:07.660
But and keep you kind of you know in all of them

1141
01:09:07.660 --> 01:09:12.880
But they're never going to actually give you it what it is that you want and that is their devotion

1142
01:09:16.020 --> 01:09:22.300
No, that's it, I think you should I think you should give this man a chance I have a real good feeling about you guys

1143
01:09:23.260 --> 01:09:25.060
You know

1144
01:09:25.060 --> 01:09:27.060
Have you made out with him yet?

1145
01:09:28.060 --> 01:09:35.460
Yeah, you mean does that mean made out does that mean actually sleep with no kiss like, you know, oh, yeah

1146
01:09:38.460 --> 01:09:43.779
Tension me, but yeah, but you know that so, you know that it's there, you know that you're attracted, you know

1147
01:09:43.779 --> 01:09:47.540
You just you're not preoccupied. You're not obsessed with him and

1148
01:09:48.340 --> 01:09:50.340
No, that's actually good

1149
01:09:51.540 --> 01:09:53.540
Okay

1150
01:09:57.060 --> 01:09:59.900
I know you are you so and that's another thing

1151
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000
Guys, if you have a predisposition to be a romantic,

1152
01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:05.400
then, you know, you need to understand that

1153
01:10:05.400 --> 01:10:08.680
even if you had the object of your romantic fantasy,

1154
01:10:08.680 --> 01:10:13.680
eventually, it just, it wouldn't be that great, you know?

1155
01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:16.880
Eventually, you would need a new romantic fantasy

1156
01:10:16.880 --> 01:10:20.120
because it's kind of like those dopamine hits.

1157
01:10:20.120 --> 01:10:23.560
And so, you know, ask him if he can be a bit more romantic.

1158
01:10:23.560 --> 01:10:26.960
Share with him some of the kind of ideas that you have

1159
01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:29.460
about what it looks like to be in partnership

1160
01:10:29.460 --> 01:10:32.740
and, you know, what makes you really feel loved and seen

1161
01:10:32.740 --> 01:10:34.400
and see if he can meet you there.

1162
01:10:35.620 --> 01:10:37.260
Okay.

1163
01:10:37.260 --> 01:10:38.740
My husband is very practical.

1164
01:10:38.740 --> 01:10:40.860
You guys, I made a YouTube video, no, YouTube.

1165
01:10:40.860 --> 01:10:42.020
What am I talking about?

1166
01:10:42.020 --> 01:10:43.180
I'm not even on YouTube.

1167
01:10:43.180 --> 01:10:46.660
I made an Instagram video today about Mr. Darcy

1168
01:10:46.660 --> 01:10:50.580
walking through the misty meadowlands at dawn.

1169
01:10:50.580 --> 01:10:51.860
He's gonna do that.

1170
01:10:51.860 --> 01:10:55.660
His open shirt flapping in the wind

1171
01:10:55.660 --> 01:10:58.500
and his brooding gaze, right?

1172
01:10:58.540 --> 01:11:00.340
And he gets up and he's like,

1173
01:11:00.340 --> 01:11:03.140
you have, you have, he can't even get it out.

1174
01:11:03.140 --> 01:11:07.420
You have bewitched me, body and soul.

1175
01:11:07.420 --> 01:11:11.900
I mean, yes, yes, that's hot.

1176
01:11:11.900 --> 01:11:16.900
But modern men nowadays in the year 2026,

1177
01:11:17.140 --> 01:11:17.980
that's literature.

1178
01:11:17.980 --> 01:11:19.700
In modern days, you know,

1179
01:11:19.700 --> 01:11:22.340
men are gonna walk in the garage, not across the meadow.

1180
01:11:22.340 --> 01:11:24.180
They're gonna walk in the garage and they're gonna say,

1181
01:11:24.180 --> 01:11:26.460
hey, babe, your tires are bald.

1182
01:11:26.460 --> 01:11:27.820
Let me take your car today.

1183
01:11:27.820 --> 01:11:29.460
I'm gonna get it fixed.

1184
01:11:29.460 --> 01:11:31.380
I'm gonna get your oil changed, right?

1185
01:11:31.380 --> 01:11:33.060
You're gonna, he's gonna get up in the middle of the night

1186
01:11:33.060 --> 01:11:36.060
to check out that noise, right, in the house.

1187
01:11:36.060 --> 01:11:36.900
These are the things.

1188
01:11:36.900 --> 01:11:39.460
My husband, I went outside today

1189
01:11:39.460 --> 01:11:41.340
and he had a 12 foot ladder against the house

1190
01:11:41.340 --> 01:11:43.140
and he was fricking on the roof.

1191
01:11:43.140 --> 01:11:44.700
And I was like, babe, what are you doing?

1192
01:11:44.700 --> 01:11:46.620
And he's like, I gotta find out

1193
01:11:46.620 --> 01:11:47.980
where this leak is coming from.

1194
01:11:47.980 --> 01:11:50.740
I mean, you know, the sexiest thing

1195
01:11:50.740 --> 01:11:53.300
that a man can say to me now at 51 years old

1196
01:11:53.300 --> 01:11:55.780
is don't worry about it, babe, I got it.

1197
01:11:55.780 --> 01:11:57.620
Oh, that's hot.

1198
01:11:58.460 --> 01:11:59.900
I like it, okay?

1199
01:11:59.900 --> 01:12:03.300
So we can have both though.

1200
01:12:03.300 --> 01:12:04.380
I don't want you guys to feel like

1201
01:12:04.380 --> 01:12:05.820
you can't have the romance.

1202
01:12:05.820 --> 01:12:08.420
Raise your hand if you are in the boat with Cynthia

1203
01:12:08.420 --> 01:12:10.580
and you just like some romance.

1204
01:12:10.580 --> 01:12:13.540
You want your man to make you a mixtape, okay?

1205
01:12:14.420 --> 01:12:18.900
You want him to bring you flowers.

1206
01:12:18.900 --> 01:12:22.380
You want to be able to get so excited

1207
01:12:22.380 --> 01:12:25.900
about the electric chemistry that you feel.

1208
01:12:26.820 --> 01:12:28.620
All right, so if you get with a guy

1209
01:12:28.620 --> 01:12:29.860
that's a little more practical,

1210
01:12:29.860 --> 01:12:33.260
but he's really amazing and you are attracted to him,

1211
01:12:33.260 --> 01:12:36.260
he's just not like the fantasy,

1212
01:12:36.260 --> 01:12:39.340
then ask him if he can become the fantasy.

1213
01:12:39.340 --> 01:12:41.940
Ask him if he can do some romantic things

1214
01:12:41.940 --> 01:12:46.060
and you'd be surprised at what men are capable of doing

1215
01:12:46.060 --> 01:12:47.060
when they love a woman.

1216
01:12:47.060 --> 01:12:50.620
So let's see.

1217
01:12:50.620 --> 01:12:53.940
All right, report back, Cynthia, we want to know.

1218
01:12:53.940 --> 01:12:54.780
Okay.

1219
01:12:55.300 --> 01:12:58.020
Okay, we're gonna do a speed round, you guys,

1220
01:12:58.020 --> 01:12:59.460
so I want to get the rest of the questions in.

1221
01:12:59.460 --> 01:13:01.340
So when you unmute, just ask your question.

1222
01:13:01.340 --> 01:13:03.060
I'll give a short answer and we'll move forward.

1223
01:13:03.060 --> 01:13:04.260
Phoebe, what do you got?

1224
01:13:05.940 --> 01:13:06.900
Thanks, Jackie.

1225
01:13:06.900 --> 01:13:08.500
I think my question is similar to Amanda's.

1226
01:13:08.500 --> 01:13:10.380
So I've been talking to someone for two months

1227
01:13:10.380 --> 01:13:13.020
and I'm trying to discern how I feel

1228
01:13:13.020 --> 01:13:15.380
and if I want to keep seeing him.

1229
01:13:15.380 --> 01:13:17.820
Okay, local or long distance?

1230
01:13:17.820 --> 01:13:19.460
Local, but he has a son

1231
01:13:19.460 --> 01:13:21.020
and he's available every other week.

1232
01:13:21.020 --> 01:13:24.220
So we've had three dates,

1233
01:13:24.220 --> 01:13:26.620
three live dates and three phone calls.

1234
01:13:27.580 --> 01:13:28.420
In two months?

1235
01:13:28.420 --> 01:13:29.380
In two months, yeah.

1236
01:13:29.380 --> 01:13:31.820
Oh, on three live dates and how many phone calls?

1237
01:13:31.820 --> 01:13:32.660
Three.

1238
01:13:35.900 --> 01:13:38.940
Okay, so how come you haven't had

1239
01:13:38.940 --> 01:13:40.700
more FaceTimes or phone calls?

1240
01:13:43.180 --> 01:13:48.180
Because of work, really, his work

1241
01:13:48.820 --> 01:13:51.740
and then the weeks, we do have phone calls

1242
01:13:51.740 --> 01:13:53.020
when the weeks he has his son,

1243
01:13:53.020 --> 01:13:56.060
but then my schedule is a bit challenging too.

1244
01:13:56.060 --> 01:13:59.020
So yeah, scheduling and then he had an emergency.

1245
01:13:59.020 --> 01:14:01.940
So there was one week where he had to cancel

1246
01:14:03.980 --> 01:14:05.980
three attempted dates.

1247
01:14:08.100 --> 01:14:10.260
He canceled three different dates?

1248
01:14:10.260 --> 01:14:11.820
Well, I was like, there was an emergency

1249
01:14:11.820 --> 01:14:13.740
and then he runs his own business

1250
01:14:13.740 --> 01:14:16.660
and it carried over longer than anticipated.

1251
01:14:16.660 --> 01:14:18.860
So we kept like rescheduling and then yeah.

1252
01:14:19.820 --> 01:14:23.020
Okay, and so on a scale of one to 10,

1253
01:14:23.020 --> 01:14:25.820
how motivated or how ready do you think this man

1254
01:14:25.820 --> 01:14:29.380
is to be in relationship with anyone, but mostly you?

1255
01:14:30.340 --> 01:14:34.860
Right, he says he's ready.

1256
01:14:34.860 --> 01:14:37.740
He's been very consistent in communication

1257
01:14:37.740 --> 01:14:39.540
and even when things have gone wrong,

1258
01:14:39.540 --> 01:14:43.740
he tells me ahead of time.

1259
01:14:43.740 --> 01:14:46.140
So there's been lots of follow through there.

1260
01:14:46.380 --> 01:14:51.380
His son is five and the business is a lot.

1261
01:14:53.660 --> 01:14:57.980
So I have wondered, but I see him making an effort.

1262
01:14:58.820 --> 01:15:00.220
And he has shared parenting?

1263
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.000
Yes.

1264
01:15:01.000 --> 01:15:02.000
Okay.

1265
01:15:02.000 --> 01:15:04.840
You guys, I just want to let you know, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but this is what

1266
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:06.160
the book club is covering.

1267
01:15:06.160 --> 01:15:08.960
This is what the book, if you haven't read it, covers.

1268
01:15:08.960 --> 01:15:14.960
And so if you want to dig in, you want five weeks of coaching with me, breakout sessions,

1269
01:15:14.960 --> 01:15:19.800
all different types of things, you're going to want to go to the website and sign up.

1270
01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:22.640
It's next Monday that it starts and we're closing registration this weekend.

1271
01:15:22.640 --> 01:15:24.080
So get your butt in there and do it.

1272
01:15:24.080 --> 01:15:25.080
Okay.

1273
01:15:25.080 --> 01:15:28.160
So why are you having doubts of continuing?

1274
01:15:28.160 --> 01:15:29.680
You tell me what your doubts are.

1275
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:34.760
I mean, I see that, you know, there's, there's doubts about whether or not he has the bandwidth.

1276
01:15:34.760 --> 01:15:35.920
He's a single dad.

1277
01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:39.120
He has a business he's had to cancel.

1278
01:15:39.120 --> 01:15:40.840
You've only had three dates in two months.

1279
01:15:40.840 --> 01:15:43.720
It's like, is this what this is going to look like?

1280
01:15:43.720 --> 01:15:45.560
You know, I need more certainty.

1281
01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:46.560
I need more attention.

1282
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:47.560
How old are you?

1283
01:15:47.560 --> 01:15:48.560
38.

1284
01:15:48.560 --> 01:15:49.560
38.

1285
01:15:49.560 --> 01:15:50.560
Have you been married before?

1286
01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:51.560
No.

1287
01:15:51.560 --> 01:15:52.560
No kids?

1288
01:15:52.560 --> 01:15:53.560
No kids.

1289
01:15:53.560 --> 01:15:54.560
Okay.

1290
01:15:54.560 --> 01:15:55.560
All right.

1291
01:15:55.600 --> 01:15:56.600
Okay.

1292
01:15:56.600 --> 01:15:57.600
All right.

1293
01:15:57.600 --> 01:16:03.080
So tell me what your biggest, your biggest, um, reason for maybe not continuing right

1294
01:16:03.080 --> 01:16:05.360
now is.

1295
01:16:05.360 --> 01:16:09.400
She's really keen and I'm uncertain.

1296
01:16:09.400 --> 01:16:16.800
Uncertain because you're not attracted to him or because he's just, he's just not, uh,

1297
01:16:16.800 --> 01:16:18.960
consistent enough.

1298
01:16:18.960 --> 01:16:25.240
No, I think I'm, I'm curious about him.

1299
01:16:25.920 --> 01:16:32.760
Like, I would like to, to learn more, but I, I don't feel, and it's often harder for

1300
01:16:32.760 --> 01:16:41.920
me to connect with how much, like, I don't often like people, um, so, but he really likes

1301
01:16:41.920 --> 01:16:42.920
me.

1302
01:16:42.920 --> 01:16:48.040
Like he's been very respectful of all my boundaries and everything, like, but he's yeah.

1303
01:16:48.040 --> 01:16:50.760
Like we talked on the phone last night and he's like, yeah, the goal is to walk you down

1304
01:16:50.760 --> 01:16:51.760
the aisle.

1305
01:16:51.760 --> 01:16:55.120
Um, but we're going to like what we're going to take the proper time.

1306
01:16:55.120 --> 01:16:57.720
He's like, things don't have to move faster than they are already.

1307
01:16:57.720 --> 01:16:59.520
And when he said that to you, how did you respond?

1308
01:16:59.520 --> 01:17:01.720
Cause you seem a little bit of void and attacher.

1309
01:17:01.720 --> 01:17:02.720
Yeah.

1310
01:17:02.720 --> 01:17:17.200
I'm like kind of void and disorganized, but, um, I think I said, thank you so or, um, I

1311
01:17:17.200 --> 01:17:18.200
don't know.

1312
01:17:18.200 --> 01:17:21.840
I'm enjoying getting to know you as well.

1313
01:17:21.840 --> 01:17:25.800
I mean, my goal is to walk you down the aisle and thank you.

1314
01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:28.680
I'm enjoying getting to know you as well.

1315
01:17:28.680 --> 01:17:30.760
Those are a match.

1316
01:17:30.760 --> 01:17:31.760
Those are a match.

1317
01:17:31.760 --> 01:17:32.760
Okay.

1318
01:17:32.760 --> 01:17:36.960
So it seems like even though he hasn't put in the reps, he's only gone on three dates

1319
01:17:36.960 --> 01:17:39.240
and three phone calls in two months.

1320
01:17:39.240 --> 01:17:41.520
He's already talking about walking down the aisle.

1321
01:17:41.520 --> 01:17:46.400
It seems like he might be, uh, he might be going a little quick, especially for his bandwidth.

1322
01:17:46.400 --> 01:17:48.480
Um, that's pretty quick.

1323
01:17:48.480 --> 01:17:49.480
You've only had three.

1324
01:17:49.480 --> 01:17:54.240
You've only seen this man in person, seen him in person three times and had three phone

1325
01:17:54.240 --> 01:17:55.240
calls.

1326
01:17:55.240 --> 01:17:58.000
And he's talking about the goal is to walk you down the aisle.

1327
01:17:58.000 --> 01:17:59.000
That's a flag for me.

1328
01:17:59.000 --> 01:18:00.000
That's a flag.

1329
01:18:00.000 --> 01:18:06.720
That's a flag for me, not necessarily red, but headed in the red direction.

1330
01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:11.560
So what you have to, what you have to make a decision on right now, if there's no other

1331
01:18:11.560 --> 01:18:14.860
flags now, here's the, here's the teaching point for all of you.

1332
01:18:14.860 --> 01:18:15.860
We saw a flag.

1333
01:18:15.860 --> 01:18:20.620
You see a flag right here, but she also said that he communicates.

1334
01:18:20.620 --> 01:18:25.180
He lets her know in advance if there's going to be some kind of conflict, he is consistent

1335
01:18:25.180 --> 01:18:26.180
in that.

1336
01:18:26.180 --> 01:18:30.420
Um, even though he does have a busy life, he's a single dad, he owns his own business.

1337
01:18:30.420 --> 01:18:34.180
He still has made time three dates, three phone calls.

1338
01:18:34.180 --> 01:18:35.180
It's something right.

1339
01:18:35.180 --> 01:18:37.700
And it's a lot more than a lot of people get.

1340
01:18:37.700 --> 01:18:41.420
So he is motivated, right?

1341
01:18:41.420 --> 01:18:45.340
She has more of a, she's leaning a little bit avoidant where she just said she admitted

1342
01:18:45.820 --> 01:18:46.820
to us.

1343
01:18:46.820 --> 01:18:47.820
I don't really like people.

1344
01:18:47.820 --> 01:18:49.100
I don't let myself like people.

1345
01:18:49.100 --> 01:18:50.860
It's not that she doesn't like people.

1346
01:18:50.860 --> 01:18:56.940
She doesn't let herself get to the place of vulnerability where someone could have control

1347
01:18:56.940 --> 01:18:59.740
over her because she has feelings for them.

1348
01:18:59.740 --> 01:19:01.780
That is what she's saying to us when she says that.

1349
01:19:01.780 --> 01:19:04.540
And for all of you ladies, they're like, I never feel spark with anyone.

1350
01:19:04.540 --> 01:19:08.340
I never feel that interested or that invested.

1351
01:19:08.340 --> 01:19:14.220
It's because when you have in the past in your life or other people that you watch your

1352
01:19:14.220 --> 01:19:18.300
mother, your grandmother, any woman in your life, when you've seen them fall in love,

1353
01:19:18.300 --> 01:19:23.260
when you've seen them become crazy about someone or become excited about someone, you've also

1354
01:19:23.260 --> 01:19:28.740
seen them lose control of their life to another person.

1355
01:19:28.740 --> 01:19:31.100
You've seen that person now have control over them.

1356
01:19:31.100 --> 01:19:33.820
And if it's a bad person, that's a bad thing.

1357
01:19:33.820 --> 01:19:38.020
It's easy to be manipulated when you think you're in love with someone, when you think

1358
01:19:38.020 --> 01:19:40.500
you can't live without someone, right?

1359
01:19:40.500 --> 01:19:44.620
And you feel so attracted to someone.

1360
01:19:44.620 --> 01:19:49.460
And so she's holding off on that, but she's still showing up.

1361
01:19:49.460 --> 01:19:53.420
So what I'd like for you to do, Phoebe, is I don't feel like we can call this one yet.

1362
01:19:53.420 --> 01:19:57.740
I think you're going to have to show up a little bit more.

1363
01:19:57.740 --> 01:19:59.380
I would not date him exclusively.

1364
01:19:59.380 --> 01:20:00.020
He has not earned.

1365
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.120
that and so if there's someone else that comes along wants to take you out go

1366
01:20:04.120 --> 01:20:12.240
ahead and go out with them but I think that we need to see we need to see a

1367
01:20:12.240 --> 01:20:16.200
little bit more you need to be with him in person a little bit more find out a

1368
01:20:16.200 --> 01:20:20.080
little like you even said I am kind of interested in finding out more so let's

1369
01:20:20.080 --> 01:20:24.200
go on that it's a yes until it's a no and I don't think it's a no yet okay

1370
01:20:24.200 --> 01:20:29.240
hey watch the love bombing though watch the love bombing that's borderline love

1371
01:20:29.240 --> 01:20:36.640
bombing with walking me down the aisle okay yeah yes oh wait there's more love

1372
01:20:36.640 --> 01:20:45.120
bombing well just yeah like second date he brought a bouquet of red roses like

1373
01:20:45.120 --> 01:20:51.400
what's kind of sweet but like a lot for he might just be old-fashioned he is

1374
01:20:51.400 --> 01:21:00.400
he's part Italian like he's a romantic he is he definitely is yeah yeah all

1375
01:21:00.400 --> 01:21:04.040
right keep us posted okay all right Natasha what do you got you guys I want

1376
01:21:04.040 --> 01:21:09.040
to get through so Natasha Joe Joanne Sandy Nicole don't forget go to the book

1377
01:21:09.040 --> 01:21:14.040
club go to the page Jackie Dorman comm sign up we are gonna cap that room I

1378
01:21:14.040 --> 01:21:18.440
don't know how many people have signed up yet so get in there I want you guys

1379
01:21:18.440 --> 01:21:21.560
to have first dibs before the public gets in there and I know that they just

1380
01:21:21.560 --> 01:21:27.000
finished a webinar me teaching but I'm here but it's a recording so I don't

1381
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:29.840
know how many people signed up from that okay Natasha go ahead and ask you a

1382
01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:34.800
question hi Jackie this could actually possibly go to the book club as well

1383
01:21:34.800 --> 01:21:39.080
because it's about that relationship Advisory Committee type of questions

1384
01:21:39.080 --> 01:21:45.680
okay yeah hey could I ask it here ask it there you can ask it both places you

1385
01:21:45.680 --> 01:21:48.400
guys what she's referring to is one of the things we're putting together is

1386
01:21:48.400 --> 01:21:53.200
our our personal little matchmaking circle okay of advisors in our lives of

1387
01:21:53.200 --> 01:21:56.760
people that have different communities than us that we trust to speak into our

1388
01:21:56.760 --> 01:22:02.480
love lives so what's your question about your your advisory purse circle what

1389
01:22:02.480 --> 01:22:07.080
happened because I've only lived where I currently live for just a year

1390
01:22:07.080 --> 01:22:12.000
uh-huh so obviously in terms of dating was I haven't really been doing dating

1391
01:22:12.000 --> 01:22:16.440
in the year that I've been here or even not much even living in New Zealand so

1392
01:22:16.440 --> 01:22:19.560
it's not like a lot of them would know what my dating history looks like but I

1393
01:22:19.560 --> 01:22:24.000
actually you know one thing that came to mind just right now is that actually

1394
01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:29.840
probably even the people I have dated in the past have been quite private and not

1395
01:22:29.840 --> 01:22:34.760
really in my community as well so I don't even know my close friends could

1396
01:22:34.760 --> 01:22:40.440
actually speak to the guys I've probably dated because it was kind of like see

1397
01:22:40.440 --> 01:22:44.880
that's what I warn against in my book we got a date in the light you gotta let

1398
01:22:44.880 --> 01:22:48.000
people in on who you're dating but I just want to encourage you that you

1399
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:51.800
don't have to your advisors do not have to be local to you in fact it's better

1400
01:22:51.800 --> 01:22:57.440
if they're not you know so it could even be people from the book club that you

1401
01:22:57.440 --> 01:23:02.600
meet okay that are people here from this community yeah because one thing I'm

1402
01:23:02.600 --> 01:23:06.960
having a challenge is kind of like knowing what people's that what the

1403
01:23:06.960 --> 01:23:10.920
heart is like even those whether they're married or single kind of like

1404
01:23:10.920 --> 01:23:14.920
knowing have they done their hard work have they done that for my healing

1405
01:23:14.920 --> 01:23:18.800
because that's I'm quite sensitive to that in terms of think I need people who

1406
01:23:18.800 --> 01:23:25.240
are healed and whole and that's quite significant you need people you need

1407
01:23:25.240 --> 01:23:29.880
people who are working on it for sure yeah yeah yeah but anyways I was talking

1408
01:23:29.880 --> 01:23:34.120
to a friend of mine and she's in my church group my lady's church group and

1409
01:23:34.120 --> 01:23:38.280
she was talking about and it was quite because like ooh and I was like

1410
01:23:38.280 --> 01:23:41.440
wondering whether to have her in my advisory committee but she spoke about

1411
01:23:41.440 --> 01:23:47.760
having had a dream about and God showed her who her husband is and how she's

1412
01:23:47.760 --> 01:23:52.160
going to meet him so she's not even dating right now even though people are

1413
01:23:52.160 --> 01:23:55.200
kind of like I know someone who you could date she's like no because I know

1414
01:23:55.200 --> 01:24:00.680
what he looks like and and and as I said oh and that caught me off guard a bit

1415
01:24:00.680 --> 01:24:05.480
and then she said but she said and a friend of mine has confirmed that the

1416
01:24:05.480 --> 01:24:11.040
dream for me so I was just like well I wouldn't put any of those don't put any

1417
01:24:11.040 --> 01:24:15.160
of those people on your advisory committee because they're there they're

1418
01:24:15.160 --> 01:24:20.040
gonna see very quickly that that probably wasn't the Lord and so so you

1419
01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:23.000
don't want them saying that they know who you're gonna marry because then it

1420
01:24:23.000 --> 01:24:27.440
gets to be a big mess okay yeah all right okay I'll see you over there I'll

1421
01:24:27.440 --> 01:24:35.440
see you over there okay all right cool thank you all right who's next you guys

1422
01:24:35.440 --> 01:24:39.400
we have to go fast Sandy what do you got

1423
01:24:40.160 --> 01:24:46.840
is Joey and next no that was shit who was who was I just talking to okay got

1424
01:24:46.840 --> 01:24:50.160
it Sandy you're next

1425
01:24:50.800 --> 01:24:57.800
Sandy Nicole and yes Sandy and Nicole and Gwen oh Sandy's gone Nicole you're

1426
01:24:57.800 --> 01:25:01.760
up hey

1427
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.160
Can you hear me? I can hear you. Okay, awesome. My question is more general, just for my life.

1428
01:25:08.160 --> 01:25:14.960
I've gone through a lot of things. I've had a lot of grief, lost my parents. I'm so sorry.

1429
01:25:14.960 --> 01:25:18.640
That happened a couple of years ago, but I'm kind of coming to a place now. It's a whole

1430
01:25:18.640 --> 01:25:22.120
long story, so I don't want to go into all of it, but I'm coming to a place where I need

1431
01:25:22.120 --> 01:25:25.840
to be moving. And so here in a couple of weeks, actually a couple of weeks from today, I'm

1432
01:25:25.840 --> 01:25:31.040
going to move to a different city in a different state. I'm in small town Alabama, and I'm

1433
01:25:31.040 --> 01:25:38.880
moving to a small town in Tennessee, but I just want general guidelines or mindset as

1434
01:25:38.880 --> 01:25:44.080
I go somewhere new, because I really don't know a lot of people here. I have acquaintances

1435
01:25:44.080 --> 01:25:50.280
there, but not deep friendships. And so just kind of general guidelines for what do I need

1436
01:25:50.280 --> 01:25:55.960
to do as I try to start a new life and want to look into dating and that kind of thing.

1437
01:25:55.960 --> 01:26:00.200
Well, first of all, I would be super excited if I were you. What an adventure that you're

1438
01:26:00.200 --> 01:26:04.920
about to be on. And one thing that I know with having a mother in heaven is that for

1439
01:26:04.920 --> 01:26:10.640
some reason, when our parents have stepped through the veil completely, they start, in

1440
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:17.440
my opinion, helping in our love lives. So they start helping in our lives. They're part

1441
01:26:17.440 --> 01:26:22.760
of that great cloud of witnesses of intercession for us. And things just start happening. I

1442
01:26:22.760 --> 01:26:26.240
can't explain it, but I've seen it happen in so many people's lives. And I just really

1443
01:26:26.240 --> 01:26:33.120
believe that there's a whole, you know, ancestry part of that great cloud of witnesses that

1444
01:26:33.120 --> 01:26:38.160
is in play. And so I really want to encourage you that, you know, God says the solitary

1445
01:26:38.160 --> 01:26:43.640
and family, you know, we read that in the, in the book of Psalms and, you know, that

1446
01:26:43.640 --> 01:26:48.680
as you're moving, I would let affirmations be about that. So as you're moving, like God,

1447
01:26:48.680 --> 01:26:54.640
I'm on an adventure with you. You're ordering my steps. I'm with all my heart and I'm not

1448
01:26:54.640 --> 01:26:58.600
leaving my understanding and I'm acknowledging you in my ways. And you're, you're ordering

1449
01:26:58.600 --> 01:27:05.520
my steps. You are putting me in family. You're taking me, I've been solitary. I've lost my

1450
01:27:05.520 --> 01:27:11.360
earthly family. You're taking me, you're putting me in family. I'm expecting to meet lifelongs

1451
01:27:11.360 --> 01:27:16.840
during this move. I'm expecting to meet my spirit mate. I just start really getting into

1452
01:27:16.840 --> 01:27:21.280
alignment with what God's doing in your life and get really excited about it and then expect

1453
01:27:21.280 --> 01:27:25.680
divine connections to start happening. Friends, community, spirit mate, all of it.

1454
01:27:28.160 --> 01:27:29.200
All right. Thank you.

1455
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:31.840
What city are you moving to?

1456
01:27:32.560 --> 01:27:36.480
It's a small town called Livingston, Tennessee. It's like in between Nashville and Knoxville.

1457
01:27:37.440 --> 01:27:42.720
Okay. Does anyone know of Livingston? Put in the chat if you know anyone in Livingston that

1458
01:27:42.720 --> 01:27:47.120
you can introduce our sister Nicole to. She can already have friends before she even gets there.

1459
01:27:48.320 --> 01:27:52.160
She has acquaintances, but she needs more community. If you live near there, maybe live

1460
01:27:52.160 --> 01:27:57.440
the town over. I go to Nashville a lot. We do have people in Knoxville and Nashville in this

1461
01:27:57.440 --> 01:28:02.160
community and maybe some people in other places. Okay. Go ahead and put where you are in the chat.

1462
01:28:02.160 --> 01:28:06.000
See if you can find someone near you right now because we're going to be doing a lot of

1463
01:28:06.400 --> 01:28:12.640
community-based matchmaking this summer in this community, lots of it. Starting next month,

1464
01:28:12.640 --> 01:28:16.080
we're going to be having sessions on it. Those of you that are in the book club,

1465
01:28:16.080 --> 01:28:20.160
we're going to get a double dose of it and probably get a little more of this and that

1466
01:28:20.160 --> 01:28:26.000
because we'll really dig into some advisory stuff there. All right. I think that I got

1467
01:28:26.000 --> 01:28:30.160
everybody, didn't I? Joanne, did I get you? Hi. No, not yet.

1468
01:28:30.160 --> 01:28:30.720
All right. Go ahead.

1469
01:28:31.520 --> 01:28:39.680
So my question is when do I bring up again marriage and baby? So in the beginning of

1470
01:28:39.680 --> 01:28:45.040
our relationship, I had expressed to him that I wanted to be married and I wanted to have a baby.

1471
01:28:46.640 --> 01:28:54.800
We've been exclusive for over a year, maybe a little bit more, but currently he is going through

1472
01:28:55.760 --> 01:29:00.640
a cancer treatment. That's something that just came up in this past May.

1473
01:29:01.520 --> 01:29:08.880
So obviously he has a lot going on. So that's my question. When is a good time to talk about

1474
01:29:08.880 --> 01:29:17.840
these things? Because I don't want to feel selfish. I mean, if you're talking about these

1475
01:29:17.840 --> 01:29:22.640
things to decide whether or not you're a match going forward and whether or not you guys can

1476
01:29:23.600 --> 01:29:28.960
meet each other on this level and be each other's partners, then I don't think it's selfish.

1477
01:29:28.960 --> 01:29:36.640
I think that clarity is kindness. It is. Clarity is kindness in relationships.

1478
01:29:37.440 --> 01:29:41.680
We meet people for reasons and seasons and if they're not going to be your spirit mate,

1479
01:29:41.680 --> 01:29:45.040
just because they're the opposite sex doesn't mean that they're going to be your spirit mate.

1480
01:29:45.040 --> 01:29:48.880
You may be playing a different role in their life. But I think that it's okay to get clarity,

1481
01:29:49.600 --> 01:29:55.680
especially if someone's going through a season of their life where things are up in the air and

1482
01:29:55.680 --> 01:29:59.440
they just don't even know. They're going through a health crisis or they're going through

1483
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.160
a work crisis or this or that,

1484
01:30:03.160 --> 01:30:04.680
just because they're doing that

1485
01:30:04.680 --> 01:30:09.680
doesn't mean that you have to stick around or stay.

1486
01:30:09.840 --> 01:30:12.240
If they're your person, you guys are on the same page

1487
01:30:12.240 --> 01:30:15.560
and you've made some decisions about journeying together

1488
01:30:15.560 --> 01:30:19.160
and the life that you want, then great.

1489
01:30:19.160 --> 01:30:20.840
But if that's not what they want

1490
01:30:20.840 --> 01:30:24.920
and that's not something that they want at all,

1491
01:30:24.920 --> 01:30:27.520
regardless of the crisis that they're going through,

1492
01:30:28.360 --> 01:30:31.800
then you know that they're not your person for marriage.

1493
01:30:34.400 --> 01:30:36.240
So no, I don't think it's selfish.

1494
01:30:36.240 --> 01:30:38.120
I don't think it's selfish to get clarity

1495
01:30:38.120 --> 01:30:40.320
about where someone is as far as like,

1496
01:30:40.320 --> 01:30:41.880
what do they want for their future?

1497
01:30:41.880 --> 01:30:42.960
I will tell you that people

1498
01:30:42.960 --> 01:30:44.320
that are going through a health crisis,

1499
01:30:44.320 --> 01:30:47.100
we had a gentleman in this community.

1500
01:30:47.100 --> 01:30:48.480
He came into this community

1501
01:30:48.480 --> 01:30:50.920
right after being diagnosed with cancer.

1502
01:30:50.920 --> 01:30:55.920
And at one point at the beginning, it didn't look good.

1503
01:30:56.320 --> 01:30:57.920
There was some bad prognosis

1504
01:30:57.920 --> 01:30:59.280
and different things that were happening.

1505
01:30:59.280 --> 01:31:01.560
And we prayed him through in this community.

1506
01:31:01.560 --> 01:31:03.680
We surrounded him, we loved him.

1507
01:31:03.680 --> 01:31:05.960
He wasn't necessarily here looking for a wife.

1508
01:31:05.960 --> 01:31:09.080
He was just here looking for spiritual empowerment.

1509
01:31:09.080 --> 01:31:14.080
And he got cured, he got healed,

1510
01:31:14.280 --> 01:31:18.160
got healed and he got into remission and all the things.

1511
01:31:18.160 --> 01:31:20.160
And then he married one of the women here.

1512
01:31:20.160 --> 01:31:22.360
And so that kind of stuff,

1513
01:31:22.360 --> 01:31:25.160
we've had a lot of people come here,

1514
01:31:25.200 --> 01:31:27.000
not in the greatest season of their life

1515
01:31:27.000 --> 01:31:30.620
or go through a hard season while they're here

1516
01:31:30.620 --> 01:31:34.560
and still on the other side of it.

1517
01:31:34.560 --> 01:31:36.060
I guess what I'm saying is sometimes people

1518
01:31:36.060 --> 01:31:37.760
don't wanna make decisions like that

1519
01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:42.080
if they don't even know if they're gonna be around, right?

1520
01:31:42.080 --> 01:31:44.360
Because they're feeling kind of discouraged.

1521
01:31:44.360 --> 01:31:46.320
So be careful of that.

1522
01:31:46.320 --> 01:31:48.280
Be careful if they're feeling really discouraged.

1523
01:31:48.280 --> 01:31:50.480
But then again, making plans for the future

1524
01:31:50.480 --> 01:31:52.100
is something to live for.

1525
01:31:52.100 --> 01:31:53.760
And it's really good to do that

1526
01:31:53.760 --> 01:31:55.080
when you're going through a hard time.

1527
01:31:55.920 --> 01:31:56.760
Any kind of hard time.

1528
01:31:56.760 --> 01:31:57.580
Friends, if you're going through

1529
01:31:57.580 --> 01:31:59.000
any kind of hard time right now,

1530
01:31:59.000 --> 01:32:01.800
instead of just buckling down and hunkering down

1531
01:32:01.800 --> 01:32:03.280
and white knuckling it,

1532
01:32:03.280 --> 01:32:05.340
I want you to start making plans for the future.

1533
01:32:05.340 --> 01:32:07.920
I want you to start visualizing yourself a year from now,

1534
01:32:07.920 --> 01:32:10.840
six months from now, a year from now, five years from now.

1535
01:32:10.840 --> 01:32:13.960
I want you to, one of the things that I did,

1536
01:32:13.960 --> 01:32:15.500
and this isn't just about physical illness.

1537
01:32:15.500 --> 01:32:17.440
You could be going through a really hard financial time.

1538
01:32:17.440 --> 01:32:20.240
This, you could be going through just a hard place.

1539
01:32:21.120 --> 01:32:23.800
One of the things that I did when I was with my mom

1540
01:32:23.800 --> 01:32:25.160
and she was going through a hard place

1541
01:32:25.160 --> 01:32:29.240
is I bought tickets for us to go to a conference

1542
01:32:29.240 --> 01:32:31.320
that was nine months in the future.

1543
01:32:31.320 --> 01:32:32.800
It wasn't far in the future,

1544
01:32:32.800 --> 01:32:37.680
but it was far enough to give some prophetic unction

1545
01:32:37.680 --> 01:32:39.040
of, hey, nine months from now,

1546
01:32:39.040 --> 01:32:40.060
things are gonna be different.

1547
01:32:40.060 --> 01:32:41.480
They're gonna be different enough

1548
01:32:41.480 --> 01:32:44.340
that you're gonna be able to go to a conference with me

1549
01:32:44.340 --> 01:32:45.760
and we're gonna be able to have a good time.

1550
01:32:45.760 --> 01:32:46.920
And guess what we did.

1551
01:32:46.920 --> 01:32:50.440
And so I really wanna encourage you to plan for the future

1552
01:32:51.400 --> 01:32:55.280
and even invest in the future, in your future.

1553
01:32:55.280 --> 01:32:56.800
Okay, all of you.

1554
01:32:56.800 --> 01:32:58.280
All right, you guys, I've had a good time with you.

1555
01:32:58.280 --> 01:32:59.880
I don't wanna keep you any longer.

1556
01:32:59.880 --> 01:33:00.800
Sign up for the book club.

1557
01:33:00.800 --> 01:33:02.440
Go to JackieDorman.com, book,

1558
01:33:02.440 --> 01:33:06.320
scroll down to book club, June 22nd.

1559
01:33:07.240 --> 01:33:09.120
We will be doing a lot of community-based matchmaking

1560
01:33:09.120 --> 01:33:09.960
and stuff here.

1561
01:33:09.960 --> 01:33:13.160
If it's financially out of the question for you,

1562
01:33:13.160 --> 01:33:15.880
you don't have $97, you can't do it.

1563
01:33:15.880 --> 01:33:17.940
It is worth every cent of that, I will say that.

1564
01:33:17.940 --> 01:33:22.000
But if you can't, then please don't have FOMO

1565
01:33:22.000 --> 01:33:24.620
because you are in the last year single community

1566
01:33:24.620 --> 01:33:26.260
and we are going to make sure

1567
01:33:26.260 --> 01:33:28.180
that we're doing a lot of work this summer

1568
01:33:28.180 --> 01:33:29.820
with community-based matchmaking.

1569
01:33:29.820 --> 01:33:31.260
All right, hope to see you in the book club.

1570
01:33:31.260 --> 01:33:32.940
Otherwise, I will see you Supernatural Saturday.

1571
01:33:32.940 --> 01:33:34.500
I have a great message for this Saturday.

1572
01:33:34.500 --> 01:33:37.040
God's been talking to my heart about it already.

1573
01:33:37.040 --> 01:33:39.420
Be there, be square, right?

1574
01:33:39.420 --> 01:33:40.260
Bye.