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Welcome to Modern Dating Sex Book Club.

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For all of the replay listeners, welcome, welcome as well.

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I know some of you are not gonna be able to come

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to every single class live and that's okay.

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We only have one rule here at Modern Dating Sex Book Club

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and that is what happens here stays here.

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No, just kidding, that's Fight Club.

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Really what the one rule is is that if you sign up,

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you also show up.

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And that means that if you can't show up live in person

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during session time, which is Monday 7 Central, 8 Eastern,

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then you're gonna show up and replay.

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Who is saying yes to that?

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Let me see yeses in the chat.

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If you are promising yourself, you're not promising me.

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It makes no difference to me, right?

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Well, it does, because I want you to be successful.

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I want you to step into your love story.

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But I want you to promise it to yourself and to each other.

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Hey, I signed up for this and yes,

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it's the second day of summer and yes,

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I have a lot on my plate and yes, it's nice outside,

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especially for those of you that live in the frozen north

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and all of a sudden it's sunny outside

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and you don't wanna stay inside.

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And I know you don't wanna look at screens

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because you look at screens all day at work.

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I get it, I understand, but I promise you,

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this five weeks is gonna be powerful.

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It's going to be life changing,

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especially love life changing.

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So I wanna see in the chat right now, who is saying yes.

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I signed up, Jackie, and I'm here on the first night,

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but I'm gonna be here every single week

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and replay if I can't be live.

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Come on, make a promise to yourself.

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Make a promise to each other.

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You're in this together.

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Right now, take a look around.

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Some people's cameras are not on

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because they might be just getting home from work.

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They might not be camera ready.

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There can be all different types of reasons.

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Go ahead and tell yourself that next week,

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when you show up to Modern Dating Sucks Book Club,

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MDS Book Club, that you are going to have your camera on.

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It's not a requirement.

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We're not gonna kick you out

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if you don't have your camera on,

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but this is a co-ed group,

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and so you might meet your spirit mate here.

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It's happened before.

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It's definitely happened before in my programs

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and in my co-ed sessions,

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and so make a decision that you're gonna show up

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and you're going to show up on camera,

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unless you're in replay, of course,

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and then we won't be able to see you anyway.

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That's okay.

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And if you only show up on replay,

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make sure you show up in the app and you post.

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We wanna know, there's several different tabs in your group,

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in your Modern Dating Sucks Book Club group on the app.

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There's several different tabs.

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There's a wins tab.

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What's the wins tab all about?

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If you hit that tab, all of the things underneath that,

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all of the comments, all of the posts,

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are gonna be from all of you saying,

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hey, this is my win for this week.

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This is what happened when I read this portion of the book.

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This is what happened when I did my dating autopsy.

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This is what happened when I found my script.

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This is what happened when I decided to show up differently.

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This is what happened when I put my apps on pause.

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That's for you to testify, so to speak,

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for you to let us know, hey, this is what's going on

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in my heart and in my life since I joined this book club.

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And then there's another tab called Coaching.

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Ask Jackie, ask a coach.

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And if you hit that tab, all of the posts underneath

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that tab are gonna be direct questions to me or my team.

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Now, if you have a technical question,

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if you have a technology question,

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if you have a billing question,

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if you have a logistical question,

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it's gonna be better for you to email us,

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admin at JackieDorman.com, super simple,

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write it down right now.

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If you have any kind of tech question,

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billing question, logistical question,

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something about the app, something about the schedule,

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instead of putting that in the Ask a Coach tab,

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why don't you go ahead and email us?

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We have a great customer experience team.

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They will get back to you within 24 hours

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with an answer to your question, okay?

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Some of you already have questions.

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I see you already.

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You have questions about the app.

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We actually have our tech guru here on with me.

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She is my co-host tonight, Cheryl Guillaume.

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If you have a question and you wanna put it

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in the chat right now, she may go ahead and DM you

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and answer you since she's here, and that's great.

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So you guys, I believe in divine appointments.

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Do you believe in divine appointments?

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I've had so many divine appointments in my own life.

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I can't tell you how many times I wanted something

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to be the right season for me.

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I wanted to have breakthrough in a certain area of my life,

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or I wanted a certain type of promotion or opportunity,

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and I just wanted it to happen when I wanted it to happen,

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and for whatever reason, it didn't.

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But then at some future point, there was an opportunity

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that kind of came along when I was least expecting it.

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There was an open door that I wasn't even knocking on,

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and I think that a lot of you are here because of that.

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You probably, I mean, you've known that you're dating.

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Life is not great. You've known that your love life could use some help.

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A lot of you have been really frustrated,

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maybe even feeling hopeless about your chance of meeting a spirit mate and

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living happily ever after.

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But it's possible that you have not come in here because you were working at like

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a job trying to figure out how to fix it. But this just came across your email.

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You've been on my list maybe for a while.

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Maybe you've been in one of my programs for a while.

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And then when you heard about this opportunity, there was a little spark.

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There was a little spark like, Hey, what if, you know,

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I really think I should do that. Yeah. You know,

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I'm already coaching with Jackie. I'm already in last year single,

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but I really just feel something on that opportunity.

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I feel like a draw to it.

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I want to see you in the chat right now if you are already coaching with me and

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my team, if you're already in last year single,

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I want to see how many last year single alumni and or current students we have.

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Can you put that in the chat right now?

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Put your little hand up. Give us some hearts. Put me,

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a lot of people putting me L Y S L Y S L Y S.

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Some are in phase two, some are in phase one. You're still doing heart work.

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I promise you,

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I'm not going to give you an overabundance of homework in this book club.

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There's going to be a little bit of reading,

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but there's going to be a lot of activation.

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I don't believe in just teaching. I believe in activating.

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People only retain information that they apply.

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And so there's going to be a lot of activation. In fact,

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I'm going to put you in some breakout groups here in a minute so you can do hi,

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how are you is with each other. Meet a few people.

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I think you can meet your best friend here.

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You might meet your spirit mate here.

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You're definitely going to meet community here.

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We're going to do an exercise in week three called your relationship advisory

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circle, and you're going to need people for it.

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And if you don't have any people in your actual in-person life,

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then you might find one or two folks here that you can enlist to help you to meet

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your future mate.

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Got it. Got it. Okay. Lots of people. All right. And then I want to see right now,

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I want to see the hands of everyone who's brand new. If you're new to me,

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welcome to me. I believe your love life is going to be different now.

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Brand new. Maybe you follow me on Instagram,

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but you've never bought anything from me. This is your first course.

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This is your first rodeo with me, Jackie D. Let's see.

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I got four hands up right now. Brand new, brand new, brand new,

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newbie new. I'm new. Look at all these newbies.

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I love it. New, new, new.

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Wow. I love that. I love all these new folks. Well, you are going to,

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you are going to get the opportunity at the end of this five weeks to do

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something we've never done before.

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And that is to be grandfathered into LYS, into our membership community,

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just in time for our new community-based matchmaking app that's coming out this

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summer. We're so excited about it.

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It is unlike any technology you've ever used because it's not a dating app.

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It's not just a meetup app. It is a matchmaking app.

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And so it is going to help you to connect with people that you have things in

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common with. It's going to help you to, um, to,

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to look at whatever it is that may be keeping you from connecting.

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So it's a little bit of education.

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It's a little bit of location and geography, um,

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helping you meet people in your area,

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but also is going to help you to meet people because other people on the app

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will actually be setting you up with people that they know in real life.

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And there'll be something on that called Jackie's list and Jackie's list is just

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going to be every single week, a different set of singles that I highlight,

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that I spotlight, that I put out on my own social media,

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that I put out to my very extensive email list of singles that are ready to

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mingle. And so, um, we're going to be getting some people married around here.

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So for all of you that said you're new to me,

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let me just tell you a little bit about myself,

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especially if you only know me from Instagram.

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I am a bestselling author of several books for singles. I have the heart work.

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I have married in 12 months or less. And then of course the brand new book,

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modern dating sucks, which is the topic of this, um,

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of this book club.

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And then I also am the founder of a membership community for marriage minded

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folks, marriage minded folks. And it is called last year single.

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I have helped over 1600 people get married in the last five and a half years.

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Over 1600 of my students have gotten married because of being in this community

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either being match made by me, part of the community,

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meeting someone here or match made by someone else in the community.

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We have a true movement happening around last year single.

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And it's very, very, very exciting.

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OK, so we're going to jump in and just a second into tonight.

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For those of you that are trying to figure out, hey, I got other things going on.

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I need to know how long are these live sessions going to be?

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They are never going to be longer than 90 minutes

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and they're never going to be shorter than 60 minutes.

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So somewhere in that sweet spot between 75 and 90 minutes.

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And some of that is going to be breakout rooms.

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OK, so when that happens, we'll turn off the

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the. Tape the recording,

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we'll turn off the recording so that we can

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make sure that if you watch the replay,

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you don't have a bunch of dead space in the middle of it.

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All right. So let's all take a deep breath.

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Who's got the book in their hands?

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Now, the e-book comes with the program, with the book club,

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but who actually has the book?

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You have it. You have it.

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Hold your book up if you have it. Let me see.

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Some people are like, I have the hard copy.

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Will says I have the hard copy.

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Coming in the mail. Got it.

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Before I put you in your first breakout to kind of say, hey,

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to a couple of people, got to put your city and state.

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Go ahead and put your city, state, country in the chat.

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Take a look as these fly by.

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See if there's anyone near you, anyone in a neighboring city,

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anyone in the same city, same state, perhaps people that you might be able

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to connect with in person as you go through this.

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We have people meeting up in person to do their homework together.

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In our last book club, and I think that's really fun and exciting.

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So if you see anyone, we got Germany here.

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That's amazing. Lots of Tennessee, lots of Texas.

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Lots of the Upper East, Ohio,

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Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey.

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A lot of Midwest in here as well.

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We got Indiana. We got Illinois.

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Ohio, I guess, could be considered Midwest as well.

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We got West Coast. I've seen Arizona.

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I see California, several in California.

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I see Florida in the house.

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Several different cities in California are here. More East Coast.

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More East Coast with Virginia.

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00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:42.000
I see the Carolinas represented.

246
00:12:43.160 --> 00:12:45.800
I see Georgia is here.

247
00:12:46.520 --> 00:12:49.600
We got some Canadians here.

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00:12:49.640 --> 00:12:55.360
Friends, I've had dozens of Canadian success stories over the last five years.

249
00:12:55.680 --> 00:12:57.600
I used to be heard on the radio in Canada.

250
00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:01.080
That's how the Canadians found out about me.

251
00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:07.120
I used to be on 350 country and Christian radio stations across the U.S.

252
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:12.800
and Canada back in 2021, 22 into 23.

253
00:13:13.760 --> 00:13:16.240
And even if you're the only New Englander tonight,

254
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:19.160
we definitely have Massachusetts.

255
00:13:19.160 --> 00:13:21.960
We have Connecticut in our last year single program.

256
00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:24.760
We have Maryland. We have Rhode Island.

257
00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:30.480
We have a lot of that New England area up there.

258
00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:32.640
Vermont, all the things.

259
00:13:32.640 --> 00:13:36.760
New York, of course, that's headed out there towards New England.

260
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.240
Lots of Jersey. All right. Awesome.

261
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:40.240
All right, you guys.

262
00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:42.400
I'm going to go ahead and put you into some breakout rooms.

263
00:13:42.400 --> 00:13:43.200
What's a breakout room?

264
00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:45.920
It just means that you're going to see something pop up on your screen

265
00:13:46.200 --> 00:13:49.320
asking you if you want to enter your assigned breakout room.

266
00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:50.440
It's going to be random.

267
00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:52.080
I'm not manually assigning you.

268
00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:56.600
I'm going to let the algorithm, the computer, take you and just put you somewhere.

269
00:13:57.120 --> 00:13:59.200
And I want you just to meet a few people.

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00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:01.840
Just share, you know, who you are, where you're from.

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00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:07.240
And also let's share what is the biggest takeaway that we want to have

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00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:09.000
from this five weeks.

273
00:14:09.000 --> 00:14:11.200
I know all of you want to meet a spirit mate.

274
00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:12.560
All of you want to get married.

275
00:14:12.560 --> 00:14:17.400
But what is a smaller metric that leads to that that you want to have?

276
00:14:17.400 --> 00:14:21.280
What's the biggest breakthrough that you want to have in the next five weeks?

277
00:14:21.280 --> 00:14:22.840
Maybe you want to date differently.

278
00:14:22.840 --> 00:14:24.640
Maybe so you want to start getting dates.

279
00:14:24.640 --> 00:14:26.880
You want people to be attracted to you.

280
00:14:26.880 --> 00:14:29.920
Maybe you don't want to have the attachment style that you've had.

281
00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:32.800
You know, for those of you that already do the reading homework,

282
00:14:32.800 --> 00:14:34.360
maybe you want to change your screen.

283
00:14:34.360 --> 00:14:35.920
Maybe you want to change your screen.

284
00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:38.200
Maybe you want to change your scripts because, you know,

285
00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:41.720
you've been reading the wrong scripts and you need to change that.

286
00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:45.480
So why don't you go ahead and share who you are, where you're from,

287
00:14:45.800 --> 00:14:49.240
and what is the biggest breakthrough that you want to have?

288
00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:53.040
All right. So let me go ahead and get these breakout rooms going.

289
00:14:57.960 --> 00:15:00.000
And to put three to four people in a room.

290
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.160
I think that's going to be perfect.

291
00:15:03.160 --> 00:15:06.600
You guys, don't over talk.

292
00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:09.480
You're only going to be in this breakout room for eight minutes,

293
00:15:09.480 --> 00:15:12.040
so everyone needs to go pretty quick, OK?

294
00:15:12.040 --> 00:15:13.760
All right, when it pops up on your screen,

295
00:15:13.760 --> 00:15:16.040
hit Yes to go into the breakout room, and here we go.

296
00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:35.120
All right, we're coming back from our breakout rooms.

297
00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:38.880
I hope all of you guys met at least one person

298
00:15:38.880 --> 00:15:41.440
that you had a little bit of a connection with.

299
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:43.520
Like, hey, I'd like to be their friend.

300
00:15:43.520 --> 00:15:44.960
I'd like to get to know them better.

301
00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:47.920
Hey, maybe later on during the book club,

302
00:15:47.920 --> 00:15:49.480
we can get on a phone call.

303
00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:51.720
Maybe we can get together, live close together.

304
00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:54.160
We can't hear you, Jackie.

305
00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:01.200
No sound.

306
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:09.600
Jackie, your mic's unmuted.

307
00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:13.000
Yeah, it's weird, because I'm not supposed to.

308
00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:17.400
I'm running my audio and video through a whole different thing,

309
00:16:17.400 --> 00:16:18.440
so it just doesn't work.

310
00:16:18.920 --> 00:16:21.520
My audio and video through a whole different thing,

311
00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:22.960
so it shouldn't be muting me.

312
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:24.720
Can everyone hear me now?

313
00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:25.440
Yes.

314
00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:27.200
All right, welcome back from breakout.

315
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:30.120
Hopefully everyone met someone that they

316
00:16:30.120 --> 00:16:32.280
would like to get to know better.

317
00:16:32.280 --> 00:16:34.040
Hey, I could be that person's friend.

318
00:16:34.040 --> 00:16:36.400
Hey, maybe that person could be part of my relationship

319
00:16:36.400 --> 00:16:37.960
advisory circle later.

320
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:38.880
Who knows?

321
00:16:38.880 --> 00:16:40.400
Who knows?

322
00:16:40.400 --> 00:16:42.400
I just know that it's not random,

323
00:16:42.400 --> 00:16:44.520
the people that we get assigned in these groups,

324
00:16:44.520 --> 00:16:45.680
these breakout rooms.

325
00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:50.080
So pay attention, because you might meet your future BFF

326
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:51.920
in these groups.

327
00:16:51.920 --> 00:16:55.240
In last year's single, we've had people become housemates.

328
00:16:55.240 --> 00:16:58.200
Obviously, same gender people.

329
00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:00.440
We've had people become housemates.

330
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:04.359
We've had people be bridesmaids at each other's weddings,

331
00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:06.400
groomsmen at each other's weddings.

332
00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:10.240
We have had all kinds of things happen

333
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:14.200
within these communities as we have given people space

334
00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:15.280
to get to know each other.

335
00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.240
I'm going to start the teaching segment for tonight.

336
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:22.839
So everyone that maybe you just joined today,

337
00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:24.920
so you haven't done your homework,

338
00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:27.920
you have some catching up to do.

339
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:31.560
So in the app, you're going to see there is a place.

340
00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:39.480
In that place, there is a thing called Courses.

341
00:17:39.480 --> 00:17:40.960
And under the Courses, there's just

342
00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:42.960
my little head, little old me, Jackie D.

343
00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:44.360
You're going to hit that.

344
00:17:44.360 --> 00:17:50.280
And when you open that, you're going to see the welcome video,

345
00:17:50.280 --> 00:17:52.480
the instructions for the book club,

346
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:55.360
the Modern Dating Sucks e-book.

347
00:17:55.360 --> 00:17:58.680
And then you're going to see the Week 1 homework.

348
00:17:58.680 --> 00:18:00.520
You're going to click on Week 1 homework.

349
00:18:00.520 --> 00:18:02.440
You can download the worksheet.

350
00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:04.040
That is part of Week 1's homework.

351
00:18:04.040 --> 00:18:06.200
I'm going to go ahead and answer this question now,

352
00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:11.040
because we had this question a lot in last month's book club.

353
00:18:11.040 --> 00:18:15.240
Every single week does not have a worksheet.

354
00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:16.680
Some weeks have a worksheet.

355
00:18:16.680 --> 00:18:17.680
Some don't.

356
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.880
But in your reading assignment in the book,

357
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:22.560
whether you have the physical copy

358
00:18:22.560 --> 00:18:25.800
or you're just using the e-book copy that we provided you,

359
00:18:25.800 --> 00:18:27.040
there's work.

360
00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:29.320
There's questions at the end of every chapter.

361
00:18:29.320 --> 00:18:30.040
Why is that?

362
00:18:30.040 --> 00:18:31.800
Because I told you at the beginning,

363
00:18:31.800 --> 00:18:33.480
when I first started talking, that I

364
00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:37.320
don't believe in just teaching or lecturing.

365
00:18:37.320 --> 00:18:39.240
I believe in activation.

366
00:18:39.240 --> 00:18:41.280
The only way that you're going to learn anything

367
00:18:41.280 --> 00:18:43.800
is if you actually activate it yourself.

368
00:18:43.800 --> 00:18:45.200
So there's going to be questions.

369
00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:46.520
Don't sleep on those questions.

370
00:18:46.520 --> 00:18:50.640
In fact, get yourself a little journal just for the book club

371
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:53.080
and write in it the answers to those questions

372
00:18:53.080 --> 00:18:54.880
at the end of all those chapters.

373
00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:57.280
Almost every single portion of the book

374
00:18:57.280 --> 00:19:00.000
has some sort of activity to do.

375
00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:00.840
Why did I do that?

376
00:19:00.840 --> 00:19:02.800
Because I want to keep you engaged.

377
00:19:02.800 --> 00:19:04.400
If you're just reading, yeah, you

378
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:05.680
might like what you're reading.

379
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:07.320
You might not like what you're reading.

380
00:19:07.320 --> 00:19:11.640
If at every juncture, there's an activity where

381
00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:15.160
you're asked to do that activity before moving forward

382
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:20.280
in the book, then it's going to cause you to begin to think.

383
00:19:20.280 --> 00:19:23.360
It's going to cause you to begin to download some information.

384
00:19:23.360 --> 00:19:25.680
For those of you that are spiritual people,

385
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:27.720
you're going to start to have intuition

386
00:19:27.720 --> 00:19:30.360
about those parts of your life.

387
00:19:30.360 --> 00:19:34.720
It's really important that you do this work, OK?

388
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:36.800
Now, if you sleep on that work and you just

389
00:19:36.800 --> 00:19:39.640
want to show up and just have Jackie teach you something,

390
00:19:39.640 --> 00:19:40.600
you're missing out.

391
00:19:40.600 --> 00:19:42.240
Because that is the work that's actually

392
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:43.940
going to help you get out of your own way

393
00:19:43.940 --> 00:19:47.680
and get out of God's way and step into your love story.

394
00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:50.200
Because I'm about to tell you something in just a second

395
00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:52.000
that I hope sticks.

396
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:54.440
This is going to be the biggest revelation

397
00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:56.440
of this whole book club.

398
00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:58.720
In just a minute, I'm going to release it over you.

399
00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:00.320
But I'm going to continue to give you

400
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.160
a few more instructions.

401
00:20:00.320 --> 00:20:02.480
a few more things that I'm going to share with you.

402
00:20:01.160 --> 00:20:02.960
So you're gonna see your homework assignment,

403
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:04.520
I'm going to give you a few more things that I'm

404
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.360
the reading assignment,

405
00:20:04.360 --> 00:20:07.240
then some of the questions are gonna be repeated here

406
00:20:07.240 --> 00:20:10.280
in the PDF that is under your homework for the week.

407
00:20:10.280 --> 00:20:11.760
Now you notice you don't see week two

408
00:20:11.760 --> 00:20:14.480
or week three or four or fives homework.

409
00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:15.740
You don't see the reading assignment.

410
00:20:15.740 --> 00:20:16.720
You don't see the worksheet.

411
00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:17.820
You wanna know why?

412
00:20:17.820 --> 00:20:19.880
Because I don't want you to work ahead.

413
00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:22.720
There's enough to do

414
00:20:23.640 --> 00:20:25.560
just to do what you've already been assigned.

415
00:20:25.560 --> 00:20:26.600
This isn't a race.

416
00:20:26.600 --> 00:20:30.400
You don't get a cookie if you get to the finish line first.

417
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:33.200
In fact, you probably wouldn't have given yourself

418
00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:34.680
time to process.

419
00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:36.760
If I would have given you all the curriculum,

420
00:20:36.760 --> 00:20:38.440
you would have just ran ahead,

421
00:20:39.600 --> 00:20:41.080
kinda, you know,

422
00:20:42.780 --> 00:20:45.020
half butt the whole thing, right?

423
00:20:45.020 --> 00:20:48.040
If you're gonna do it, do it with your whole butt.

424
00:20:48.040 --> 00:20:49.600
Please.

425
00:20:49.600 --> 00:20:52.240
Do it, do it all the way.

426
00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:54.960
Because if you're not gonna go all the way, why go at all?

427
00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:57.480
And so make sure, yeah, whole butted.

428
00:20:57.480 --> 00:20:58.880
Whole butted, that's right.

429
00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:03.120
Yes, have you guys seen that meme that says,

430
00:21:03.120 --> 00:21:05.520
I would say that I love you with my whole heart,

431
00:21:05.520 --> 00:21:07.640
but my butt is much bigger than my heart.

432
00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:11.240
So I think that's funny.

433
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:13.360
All right, am I a little off color?

434
00:21:13.360 --> 00:21:14.360
Yes.

435
00:21:14.360 --> 00:21:16.040
Will you be offended by that?

436
00:21:16.040 --> 00:21:18.800
If you're super religious or prude, yeah, probably.

437
00:21:18.800 --> 00:21:20.680
I'm probably gonna say some things that offend you.

438
00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:24.400
And if that's so, then sorry, not sorry.

439
00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:29.920
Okay, so we're gonna go forward into tonight's teaching.

440
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:31.360
Everything is in the app.

441
00:21:31.360 --> 00:21:34.800
You can't work ahead of time, you can't go faster,

442
00:21:34.800 --> 00:21:36.280
then we're gonna let you go.

443
00:21:36.280 --> 00:21:38.480
Please make sure that you do everything

444
00:21:38.480 --> 00:21:40.960
that is under your homework tab for that week

445
00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.120
so that you don't rob yourself of some revelation,

446
00:21:44.120 --> 00:21:47.660
the whole revelation that God wants you to have

447
00:21:47.660 --> 00:21:50.160
and the reason why you're here in the first place.

448
00:21:50.760 --> 00:21:53.520
All right, so let's talk about going over

449
00:21:53.520 --> 00:21:58.520
a few of the high points of this week's reading assignment

450
00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:02.680
and this week's materials and curriculum.

451
00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:04.520
Here's the number one revelation

452
00:22:04.520 --> 00:22:08.480
that is going to set you free if you get ahold of it

453
00:22:10.040 --> 00:22:11.840
in this book club.

454
00:22:11.840 --> 00:22:15.920
It's not entirely you, it's the system.

455
00:22:16.700 --> 00:22:21.560
A lot of you think that you're single

456
00:22:21.560 --> 00:22:26.040
because of some reason, okay?

457
00:22:26.040 --> 00:22:28.380
Whether it's there's no good men left on the earth,

458
00:22:28.380 --> 00:22:30.480
there's no good women left on the earth,

459
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:32.860
it's because you're too old, you're too young,

460
00:22:32.860 --> 00:22:35.440
you've been too married before.

461
00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:37.740
For those of you that have been married once or twice

462
00:22:37.740 --> 00:22:39.240
or three or four or five times,

463
00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:42.680
you have too many kids from those marriages.

464
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:44.800
Some of you think that you're too fat, you're too skinny,

465
00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:47.400
you're too short, you're too tall,

466
00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:50.200
you're too bald, gentlemen.

467
00:22:50.200 --> 00:22:52.320
I promise you, none of those reasons

468
00:22:52.320 --> 00:22:53.520
are the reasons that you're single.

469
00:22:53.520 --> 00:22:54.360
You know why?

470
00:22:54.360 --> 00:22:56.600
Because I've seen 1,600 plus love stories

471
00:22:56.600 --> 00:22:59.440
and those people are all tall, short, fat,

472
00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:03.360
skinny, old, young, good looking,

473
00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:06.340
maybe not so great looking

474
00:23:06.340 --> 00:23:11.340
as far as conventional attractiveness goes, right?

475
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:12.320
What else?

476
00:23:12.320 --> 00:23:14.060
They have been married before,

477
00:23:14.060 --> 00:23:17.120
they have been divorced and remarried

478
00:23:17.120 --> 00:23:18.520
and divorced, some of them.

479
00:23:18.520 --> 00:23:21.640
I had one success story of a lady who was married four times.

480
00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:23.600
I know you're like, wait, what?

481
00:23:23.600 --> 00:23:26.000
Yes, that's a lot of times, but guess what?

482
00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.400
She kept making the same mistake.

483
00:23:29.400 --> 00:23:30.600
Lather, rinse, repeat.

484
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:32.280
And you know why?

485
00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:33.580
Because she wasn't allowing anyone

486
00:23:33.580 --> 00:23:36.160
to really speak into her love life.

487
00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.320
She was going it solo.

488
00:23:38.320 --> 00:23:41.600
She was making those decisions based on her own intuition,

489
00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:43.920
based on what she thought about that person,

490
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:47.840
based on what she could see or couldn't see.

491
00:23:47.840 --> 00:23:50.480
And obviously, she had a lot of blind spots, didn't she?

492
00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:52.680
Because she actually ended up married for four times

493
00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:54.800
to the exact same person.

494
00:23:56.260 --> 00:23:59.400
I mean, not literally the same person,

495
00:23:59.400 --> 00:24:01.560
but you know, same kind of personality,

496
00:24:01.560 --> 00:24:04.320
same kind of dynamics, same kind of attachment style.

497
00:24:04.320 --> 00:24:06.760
And then she came into my program,

498
00:24:06.760 --> 00:24:08.720
back then it was called Bride Boot Camp.

499
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:13.720
She came into my program and she cleared off the heart lens.

500
00:24:13.820 --> 00:24:15.560
We cleared out the blind spots.

501
00:24:15.560 --> 00:24:18.000
She started seeing things differently,

502
00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:20.680
and then she started showing up differently.

503
00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:24.020
So whatever reason it is that you think you're single,

504
00:24:24.020 --> 00:24:25.960
there might be some of that,

505
00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:28.680
meaning that you might have some heart work to do.

506
00:24:28.680 --> 00:24:31.160
You might have to clear off the heart lens a little bit.

507
00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:34.480
But even if you have heart work to do, which we all do,

508
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:35.600
there's probably no one here

509
00:24:35.600 --> 00:24:38.080
that doesn't have some filters on,

510
00:24:38.440 --> 00:24:40.640
that doesn't need to do a little heart work.

511
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.020
Okay, that's fine.

512
00:24:42.020 --> 00:24:44.360
But that's still not the reason why you're single.

513
00:24:44.360 --> 00:24:46.560
You're single because we're living in a broken system.

514
00:24:46.560 --> 00:24:50.360
And unless you know how to make this system work for you,

515
00:24:50.360 --> 00:24:52.040
a lot of people are gonna stay single.

516
00:24:52.040 --> 00:24:53.640
People always wanna show up and say,

517
00:24:53.640 --> 00:24:58.640
Jackie, can you guarantee that God has a love story for me?

518
00:24:58.840 --> 00:24:59.880
I can guarantee.

519
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.720
that everybody who wants a relationship,

520
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:05.880
wants a marriage, can be in a marriage, a good one.

521
00:25:05.880 --> 00:25:07.080
I can guarantee that.

522
00:25:07.080 --> 00:25:10.080
I can guarantee that everyone who wants one

523
00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:11.440
could have one.

524
00:25:12.520 --> 00:25:16.320
But, here's the big but, okay?

525
00:25:16.320 --> 00:25:18.360
We're talking a lot about big buts tonight for some reason.

526
00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:20.680
Okay, here's the big but.

527
00:25:20.680 --> 00:25:25.120
The big but is you may have to do things

528
00:25:25.120 --> 00:25:27.680
that you're actually not right now

529
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:30.060
currently aware of or willing to do.

530
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:34.080
You're not aware of them,

531
00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:35.840
so you can't even say yes or no to it

532
00:25:35.840 --> 00:25:38.400
because you're not even aware what you need to change.

533
00:25:38.400 --> 00:25:42.400
Or, you are aware and you are right now

534
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:45.760
not willing to do that thing, whatever that thing is.

535
00:25:45.760 --> 00:25:48.400
It doesn't matter what it is, okay?

536
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:50.960
So my prayer for you is that during this book club,

537
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:53.640
your heart would be willing to be made willing.

538
00:25:53.720 --> 00:25:56.720
Because what happens is is that when we

539
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:03.120
don't understand that we're not living in the 1890s,

540
00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:04.720
where you're just gonna marry someone

541
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:06.320
from your farming community.

542
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:08.520
That's what's gonna happen.

543
00:26:10.560 --> 00:26:11.400
Right?

544
00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:13.720
And God forbid that you live during one of the World Wars

545
00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:15.500
where they were sending all the boys to war

546
00:26:15.500 --> 00:26:17.440
and a lot of them weren't coming back.

547
00:26:20.280 --> 00:26:21.500
What's gonna happen?

548
00:26:22.500 --> 00:26:25.180
And in fact, can I just go ahead and go there?

549
00:26:25.180 --> 00:26:28.220
There is a, there's a verse for those of you that are,

550
00:26:28.220 --> 00:26:29.660
you know, I know we probably have people

551
00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:32.500
at all different levels of spirituality here.

552
00:26:32.500 --> 00:26:34.900
Some people, Christians, some people are not.

553
00:26:34.900 --> 00:26:36.740
In fact, let me just see who I'm talking to tonight

554
00:26:36.740 --> 00:26:37.580
because I know I have a lot of people

555
00:26:37.580 --> 00:26:38.940
from Instagram that joined.

556
00:26:38.940 --> 00:26:41.980
If you would consider yourself spiritual

557
00:26:41.980 --> 00:26:44.620
and a Christian specifically,

558
00:26:44.620 --> 00:26:46.260
can you go ahead and put me in the chat

559
00:26:46.260 --> 00:26:48.460
or raise your hand so I can see who that is?

560
00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:54.520
And if you're not, and you're not saying yes to this,

561
00:26:54.520 --> 00:26:55.940
you're still in the right place.

562
00:26:55.940 --> 00:26:58.060
This book club is for marriage-minded singles.

563
00:26:58.060 --> 00:27:02.880
It doesn't matter what your religious affiliation is.

564
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:03.720
Okay?

565
00:27:04.660 --> 00:27:07.020
I hope that you're at least spiritual

566
00:27:07.020 --> 00:27:08.380
if you've joined this book club

567
00:27:08.380 --> 00:27:11.260
because we are gonna talk about a lot of spiritual concepts

568
00:27:11.260 --> 00:27:13.080
because you're not just a body.

569
00:27:13.080 --> 00:27:13.920
You're not.

570
00:27:15.020 --> 00:27:16.720
Okay, don't dumb yourself down like that.

571
00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:17.560
You're not a body.

572
00:27:17.560 --> 00:27:19.580
You're a soul and a spirit that lives in a body.

573
00:27:19.580 --> 00:27:22.540
You're really a spirit that lives in a body

574
00:27:22.540 --> 00:27:24.100
that possesses a soul.

575
00:27:24.100 --> 00:27:25.980
And that soul is that heart part,

576
00:27:25.980 --> 00:27:28.580
that mind, will, and emotions part of you.

577
00:27:28.580 --> 00:27:30.340
It's the epicenter.

578
00:27:30.340 --> 00:27:32.340
It's the memory bank.

579
00:27:32.340 --> 00:27:34.060
It is master control.

580
00:27:34.060 --> 00:27:36.120
It's that place where all of the memories,

581
00:27:36.120 --> 00:27:38.340
good, bad, and ugly are being stored.

582
00:27:38.340 --> 00:27:40.920
Okay, that's your soul part of you.

583
00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:42.860
All right, so it looks like most everyone,

584
00:27:42.860 --> 00:27:44.060
well, I only have 20 hands up.

585
00:27:44.060 --> 00:27:45.860
I have 20 hands up, but I have a lot of comments

586
00:27:45.860 --> 00:27:48.020
in the chat that yes, yes, me, me, me, me, me.

587
00:27:48.020 --> 00:27:48.900
Okay, great.

588
00:27:48.900 --> 00:27:51.540
So for those of you that do ascribe to Christianity,

589
00:27:51.540 --> 00:27:53.020
I'm also a Christian.

590
00:27:53.020 --> 00:27:54.660
All right, just so you know.

591
00:27:54.660 --> 00:27:57.660
And I have been a minister.

592
00:27:57.660 --> 00:27:59.380
I have been a social worker.

593
00:27:59.380 --> 00:28:04.380
I have been in some kind of business ministry for 30 years.

594
00:28:04.660 --> 00:28:07.580
Okay, so I have a lot of rodeos that I've been to,

595
00:28:07.580 --> 00:28:09.940
a lot of t-shirts, a lot of mugs.

596
00:28:09.940 --> 00:28:12.820
And I will tell you, there's a scripture in the Bible

597
00:28:12.820 --> 00:28:14.020
that's in Isaiah.

598
00:28:14.020 --> 00:28:16.260
It's Isaiah chapter four, actually.

599
00:28:16.260 --> 00:28:19.060
And it talks about how in that day,

600
00:28:19.060 --> 00:28:21.460
it's talking about a day in time.

601
00:28:21.460 --> 00:28:26.260
In that day, seven women will grab a hold of one man

602
00:28:26.260 --> 00:28:31.260
and they will say, you don't even have to give us your name.

603
00:28:31.300 --> 00:28:33.780
You don't have to even give us any provision, I'm sorry.

604
00:28:33.780 --> 00:28:35.620
You don't have to give us any bread.

605
00:28:35.620 --> 00:28:36.820
We just want your name.

606
00:28:38.700 --> 00:28:39.660
Give us your name.

607
00:28:39.660 --> 00:28:41.220
We don't need you to provide for us.

608
00:28:41.220 --> 00:28:42.460
We'll get our own bread.

609
00:28:43.460 --> 00:28:47.260
And I have recently seen, you know,

610
00:28:47.260 --> 00:28:51.140
some Christians out there, some well-meaning,

611
00:28:51.140 --> 00:28:54.540
I'm sure Bible teachers, some dating coaches,

612
00:28:54.540 --> 00:28:58.740
even a dating coach using that specific scripture

613
00:28:58.740 --> 00:29:02.080
to explain why so many people are single

614
00:29:02.080 --> 00:29:05.860
and going on to say that there's a shortage of men.

615
00:29:05.860 --> 00:29:07.340
Okay, just in general.

616
00:29:07.340 --> 00:29:10.900
Because there are so many men that are unhealthy.

617
00:29:10.900 --> 00:29:12.660
There's so many men that are gay.

618
00:29:12.660 --> 00:29:14.700
There's so many men that are incarcerated.

619
00:29:14.700 --> 00:29:17.740
There's so many men that yada, yada, shish, boom, bada.

620
00:29:17.740 --> 00:29:18.580
Okay?

621
00:29:19.460 --> 00:29:21.860
And I just want to let you guys know

622
00:29:21.860 --> 00:29:23.300
that you can't just read the Bible.

623
00:29:23.300 --> 00:29:24.820
You have to read the Bible.

624
00:29:26.080 --> 00:29:31.080
And I personally am tired of seeing people

625
00:29:33.100 --> 00:29:35.700
take scriptures out of context

626
00:29:35.700 --> 00:29:38.900
and apply them to things

627
00:29:38.940 --> 00:29:43.420
that are really breaking people's hearts, like singleness.

628
00:29:43.420 --> 00:29:44.740
So I just want to let you guys know

629
00:29:44.740 --> 00:29:46.500
that Isaiah chapter four

630
00:29:46.500 --> 00:29:50.300
is not about your current dating life, okay?

631
00:29:50.300 --> 00:29:54.300
It's about a war that was going on back in Isaiah's time.

632
00:29:54.300 --> 00:29:55.420
Isaiah was a prophet,

633
00:29:55.420 --> 00:29:57.300
in case y'all don't know who that was.

634
00:29:57.300 --> 00:29:59.260
And there was a war that was going on.

635
00:29:59.260 --> 00:30:00.500
If you read the chapter.

636
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.760
Before chapter 4 it talks about the war and it talks about how all the young men were being killed in battle

637
00:30:05.760 --> 00:30:11.520
And then it goes on to say because what because all the men were killed in battle the young men

638
00:30:11.840 --> 00:30:17.960
There's going to be a shortage during this timeline during in this place in this people group

639
00:30:18.120 --> 00:30:21.800
There's going to be seven women. He's kind of prophesying doom and gloom

640
00:30:21.800 --> 00:30:27.040
He's saying yep, y'all disobeyed you did some crazy stuff because of that now you're under siege

641
00:30:27.040 --> 00:30:29.280
There's a war a bunch of your men are gonna die

642
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:35.240
Then women are gonna be like grabbing on to one man seven of y'all saying give us your name. Give us your name

643
00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:40.800
Okay, this is not trying to explain why Brad from hinge didn't text you back

644
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:43.800
Okay, this doesn't have anything to do with that at all

645
00:30:44.600 --> 00:30:49.280
This has to do with the day in time that you do not live in. That's a long time ago

646
00:30:49.280 --> 00:30:55.840
Okay, so we're not going to create theology to explain away our pain

647
00:30:55.960 --> 00:31:01.080
Yes, we're in pain. A lot of you have started to feel very hopeless about your love life

648
00:31:01.080 --> 00:31:02.160
And that's why you're here

649
00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:06.800
But I'm here to tell you that it's not you as the system and I also want to tell you that you can beat the

650
00:31:06.800 --> 00:31:13.760
System because I went into research mode when I saw some of these scriptures being shared and you know what I found out

651
00:31:13.760 --> 00:31:17.760
I found out according to the census you guys know what the census is, right?

652
00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:23.240
It also it started in the 1870s. I believe it's that little questionnaire that you get that you're supposed to

653
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:30.600
Answer, otherwise, it's punishable by law. You're supposed to answer it accurately and honestly how many people live in your house?

654
00:31:30.840 --> 00:31:36.120
What are their ages? What are their genders? Are they married or unmarried blah blah blah

655
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:38.800
Okay, according to the census

656
00:31:39.960 --> 00:31:44.280
In America, and I know some of you are foreign and I'll have to research your country as well

657
00:31:45.160 --> 00:31:50.360
Canada Germany, I think I saw Singapore on here, but if you're in America

658
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:54.160
There is

659
00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:58.640
75 million

660
00:32:00.080 --> 00:32:07.080
Single Christian men left and you know what you just need one you just need one

661
00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:11.280
You just do that's all you need you just need one

662
00:32:12.280 --> 00:32:17.400
Okay, and gentlemen the number for women was very very near the same

663
00:32:18.680 --> 00:32:26.160
Okay, and there's some areas of the country where the men outnumber women 14 to 1 ladies

664
00:32:27.240 --> 00:32:30.080
Ladies, you might be living in the wrong place

665
00:32:31.280 --> 00:32:33.560
And remember how I just said just a few minutes ago

666
00:32:34.600 --> 00:32:39.080
there could be some information that you need in order to beat the system and

667
00:32:39.760 --> 00:32:44.920
There could be some decisions that you need to make in order to beat the system

668
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:51.040
Some of you have have and we're gonna get to non-negotiables really soon

669
00:32:51.040 --> 00:32:55.200
but some of you have put some preferences on your non-negotiable list and

670
00:32:55.920 --> 00:33:00.400
Those line items are actually keeping you single because it's kind of a perfect storm

671
00:33:01.760 --> 00:33:08.680
For instance, you might say never will I ever date someone younger than me? Is that the hill you're gonna die on?

672
00:33:09.960 --> 00:33:11.280
ladies

673
00:33:11.280 --> 00:33:17.120
Gentlemen, you might say never will I ever date someone older than me or marry someone older than me?

674
00:33:17.120 --> 00:33:22.600
Is that the hill you're gonna die on? Okay, cuz I'm just gonna tell you right now. I'm 51 and

675
00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:31.520
I'm still looking fine. All right, so just because ladies get older doesn't mean that they get older

676
00:33:32.520 --> 00:33:35.760
There's people that take care of themselves

677
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:41.280
There's people that can be your flavor of ice cream regardless of the number on their birth certificate

678
00:33:42.760 --> 00:33:48.400
They can be attractive to you. They can have the attributes that you need and want they can

679
00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:53.880
But if you have it in your mind that everyone over a certain age is washed up

680
00:33:54.680 --> 00:33:57.640
Everyone over a certain age ladies. I've seen this so many times

681
00:33:58.560 --> 00:34:02.080
He's not single anymore, but I had a straight-up Boaz

682
00:34:03.000 --> 00:34:06.920
In my matchmaking pool that I tried to matchmake for ever

683
00:34:07.240 --> 00:34:11.199
But ladies wouldn't even talk to him because he was over 70 years old

684
00:34:11.239 --> 00:34:15.719
Just so you know Boaz in the Bible was 81 years old. Okay, and so

685
00:34:16.520 --> 00:34:21.880
These ladies would show up. These are the same ladies that would show up be like my Boaz was my Boaz

686
00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:24.239
I just wanna just want to meet my Boaz

687
00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:31.639
Right and I'm like well here he is and they're like he's old I'm like, yeah Boaz was old

688
00:34:31.639 --> 00:34:39.679
He was an old ass. All right, and Ruth was 41 years old in that story. There's a 40 year age gap friends

689
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:44.520
It's a hypergamous marriage. You know what that means? That means it was a transactional marriage

690
00:34:44.520 --> 00:34:50.800
he gave her the lineage that she needed to be legitimate because remember she was a Moab and then she

691
00:34:51.120 --> 00:34:53.679
Gave him children because she was young still

692
00:34:54.679 --> 00:34:56.679
she

693
00:34:56.679 --> 00:34:59.920
Hypergamous transactional situation going on there. So

694
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.080
Telling me that you want that. Anyway, he was single forever

695
00:35:03.840 --> 00:35:08.600
Even though he ran three to four miles a day. He was super fit. He was super healthy. He was a widower

696
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:11.040
he was a

697
00:35:11.040 --> 00:35:17.840
Husband of one wife for like 30 something years good husband great father great relationship with his children his grandchildren

698
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:23.080
And finally, he's marrying a beautiful wonderful woman, but for a long time it took me forever

699
00:35:23.120 --> 00:35:29.220
So you might have some sort of line item in your life some sort of block in your heart in your mind

700
00:35:29.380 --> 00:35:32.100
That is this system is is

701
00:35:33.100 --> 00:35:34.940
overextending you because of it

702
00:35:34.940 --> 00:35:39.020
This system that we're in it's broken you guys. It's messed up and

703
00:35:39.940 --> 00:35:44.860
If it's messed up and you're also messed up in your heart because you got all kinds of prejudices

704
00:35:44.860 --> 00:35:51.780
You can't marry someone of a different race. I had this one student. I loved her so much. She was my matchmaking student

705
00:35:51.780 --> 00:35:58.820
I was coaching her. I introduced a match made her with this really amazing guy that lived, you know in her city

706
00:35:59.220 --> 00:36:04.900
Just like a 30-minute train ride away. She was in New York City. Okay, they had so much in common

707
00:36:04.900 --> 00:36:06.420
He was very attracted to her

708
00:36:06.420 --> 00:36:11.580
He started, you know coming and seeing her and all the different things and she told me

709
00:36:12.140 --> 00:36:18.260
That it was getting serious and that they were really liking each other a lot and then she said but I just don't know if

710
00:36:18.260 --> 00:36:20.100
I can marry him because

711
00:36:20.100 --> 00:36:22.100
He's and he is a different race than her

712
00:36:22.900 --> 00:36:24.540
Okay, I

713
00:36:24.540 --> 00:36:28.980
Know I'm gonna share the races. They're not what you think they are. I'm just gonna tell you that there's all different races

714
00:36:29.220 --> 00:36:32.220
You know, one of them was Indian and one of them wasn't okay

715
00:36:32.220 --> 00:36:36.620
And so let me tell you what happened in this story. I got on a coaching call with her

716
00:36:36.620 --> 00:36:41.260
I'm like, what do you mean? I was like, what why are you attracted to him? Oh, yeah

717
00:36:42.260 --> 00:36:44.260
Okay, what's the problem?

718
00:36:44.700 --> 00:36:49.020
Well, well my father wouldn't like it. I said girl

719
00:36:50.220 --> 00:36:53.100
You're 62 years old. Is your daddy even alive?

720
00:36:53.660 --> 00:36:58.380
No, no, he died years ago. What are we talking about here? What are we talking about?

721
00:36:58.380 --> 00:37:00.260
What are we even doing?

722
00:37:00.260 --> 00:37:06.060
And you guys can laugh at these stories, but you have something goofy and crazy. That's holding you back to you

723
00:37:06.780 --> 00:37:11.980
I was like, what do you mean? Your daddy isn't even alive. She says yeah, but I know what he would think of it. What?

724
00:37:14.020 --> 00:37:16.180
What come on

725
00:37:18.980 --> 00:37:20.260
Come on

726
00:37:20.260 --> 00:37:22.580
I'm just gonna say it plainly. I love y'all

727
00:37:22.580 --> 00:37:29.740
But if you're if you're family members that are not even alive or racist you why you gotta perpetuate that

728
00:37:30.820 --> 00:37:33.980
Just telling you we're in one big melting pot here

729
00:37:33.980 --> 00:37:40.300
And you know, maybe this is the way that we become one big beautiful nation of people and not just in America

730
00:37:40.300 --> 00:37:42.820
But just in heaven is that we just start

731
00:37:43.260 --> 00:37:49.460
All the things if you can't receive that you can't receive that maybe it goes on your non-negotiable because you're like, nope

732
00:37:49.460 --> 00:37:54.140
Nope. Nope. I got to do it this way. All right, but I'm gonna tell you the system is working against you

733
00:37:56.100 --> 00:37:58.100
You know the casino

734
00:37:58.180 --> 00:38:00.180
The house always wins, doesn't it?

735
00:38:01.220 --> 00:38:04.740
The house always wins and we're gonna talk about how these dating apps were made

736
00:38:05.380 --> 00:38:10.780
Be in the in the psychology of casinos, especially slot machines. We're gonna talk about that and

737
00:38:11.460 --> 00:38:17.940
It's gonna be crazy for you. So the system is working against you guys. It really is ever since what ever since

738
00:38:18.700 --> 00:38:24.500
Industrialization when people moved out of their little communities their farming communities or agricultural communities

739
00:38:24.540 --> 00:38:29.180
They moved from their neighboring farms where they knew people the same people the same

740
00:38:29.500 --> 00:38:34.940
Families all of their lives for generations the same families think Jane Austen

741
00:38:35.380 --> 00:38:42.760
Okay, think 1800s and early 1900s literature and then what happened cities started happening. That's what happened

742
00:38:43.080 --> 00:38:44.400
Industrialization happened

743
00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:51.240
That's what happened and people left their little rural communities and they went into the city who went into the city young people

744
00:38:51.600 --> 00:38:54.120
Right about the age when they would have been getting married

745
00:38:54.120 --> 00:38:59.780
They went into the cities and they worked at factories. They worked in shops. And this is where the first date started

746
00:39:00.040 --> 00:39:02.920
This is what we call dating. This is where it started

747
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:07.880
just so you know for those of you that hate dating this is how it happened a

748
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:12.760
Guy asking a woman out, especially someone who doesn't know your family a

749
00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:16.400
Stranger asking out a stranger. This is where it started

750
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:21.240
Guys paying for women on dates

751
00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:28.280
This is where that started too and you know why it started because the girls that worked in the shops did not make a livable

752
00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:29.160
wage

753
00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:34.320
Yes, they lived in the city, but they didn't make a livable wage the guys that worked in the factories made a livable wage

754
00:39:34.720 --> 00:39:39.280
It's just the way it was back then something called parody women didn't make the same amount

755
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:42.080
there was a huge wage gap back in those days and

756
00:39:43.200 --> 00:39:48.640
So in order for a girl to go to the picture show to go to the restaurant to go to the dance

757
00:39:48.840 --> 00:39:52.960
She had to have a male escort not because she had to have a male escort

758
00:39:53.120 --> 00:39:56.720
But because she needed someone to pay her way. Do you understand me?

759
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:00.360
Guys, this is where it started

760
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.440
This is history, if you don't like it,

761
00:40:01.440 --> 00:40:02.640
take it up with history.

762
00:40:04.520 --> 00:40:06.200
So all of you ladies that are like,

763
00:40:06.200 --> 00:40:08.840
oh, you know, the guy has to be chivalrous

764
00:40:08.840 --> 00:40:10.040
and that's why men pay.

765
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:13.220
No, no, that's not why men paid.

766
00:40:13.220 --> 00:40:16.260
Men paid because they wanted the girls to go with them

767
00:40:16.260 --> 00:40:18.880
and the girls didn't have any money.

768
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:21.000
So that's why they started paying.

769
00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:22.040
So here's the thing.

770
00:40:22.040 --> 00:40:23.600
If you're on a date with a guy

771
00:40:23.600 --> 00:40:25.660
and you know there's not gonna be a second date

772
00:40:25.660 --> 00:40:28.160
because you would rather kiss your brother

773
00:40:28.160 --> 00:40:30.200
than the guy that you're on a date with,

774
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:35.160
you need to Venmo him for the other half of your dinner,

775
00:40:35.160 --> 00:40:37.160
okay, don't make him pay.

776
00:40:37.160 --> 00:40:38.480
Now he might not let you,

777
00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:39.840
even if you're not attracted to him

778
00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:42.640
and even if it's not gonna be a second date or a love story,

779
00:40:42.640 --> 00:40:46.080
he may, because he thinks it's being a gentleman

780
00:40:46.080 --> 00:40:48.640
and he thinks it's chivalrous, he may go ahead and pay.

781
00:40:48.640 --> 00:40:50.520
And are there women out there that take advantage

782
00:40:50.520 --> 00:40:51.960
of this whole men have to pay?

783
00:40:51.960 --> 00:40:54.760
Yes, I personally have experienced women

784
00:40:54.760 --> 00:40:57.800
that I have worked with and I no longer work with

785
00:40:58.440 --> 00:41:00.740
that would not go even on a first date

786
00:41:00.740 --> 00:41:03.080
that wasn't the most expensive steakhouse,

787
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:08.360
that wasn't the most planned out expensive date.

788
00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:12.600
And I was like, Felicia, bye, seriously.

789
00:41:12.600 --> 00:41:13.500
I can't work with you

790
00:41:13.500 --> 00:41:15.640
because I don't work with people like that.

791
00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:18.380
But I've run into lots of ladies like that

792
00:41:18.380 --> 00:41:20.720
so don't think that they don't exist because they do.

793
00:41:20.720 --> 00:41:22.460
I've also worked with some men who think

794
00:41:22.460 --> 00:41:23.880
that when they pay for dinner,

795
00:41:23.880 --> 00:41:26.200
that means there needs to be a little dessert afterwards,

796
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:27.400
if you know what I'm talking about.

797
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:30.880
And I don't work with them either, right?

798
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:33.720
All of them voted off the island for sure.

799
00:41:33.720 --> 00:41:36.840
So welcome to the island, don't make me vote you off,

800
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:41.840
but understand that this is the system

801
00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:43.080
that you've been left with.

802
00:41:43.080 --> 00:41:46.360
Okay, so that gave way to the World Wars.

803
00:41:46.360 --> 00:41:47.720
All the men went off to war,

804
00:41:47.720 --> 00:41:49.960
the girls moved from the shops to the factories,

805
00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:51.680
they worked in the factories.

806
00:41:51.680 --> 00:41:54.760
After the wars were over, World War I and II,

807
00:41:54.760 --> 00:41:56.660
there was a huge reset that happened.

808
00:41:56.660 --> 00:41:58.060
Do you know what the reset was called?

809
00:41:58.060 --> 00:42:00.180
The 1950s.

810
00:42:00.180 --> 00:42:01.700
Do you guys know the 1950s?

811
00:42:01.700 --> 00:42:03.860
The movies, the television shows,

812
00:42:03.860 --> 00:42:06.780
the housewives vacuuming in their pearls and high heels?

813
00:42:06.780 --> 00:42:09.940
That was a reset trying to get everybody back

814
00:42:09.940 --> 00:42:12.580
in their place, in their lane.

815
00:42:12.580 --> 00:42:14.980
Men back at work, women back in the home,

816
00:42:14.980 --> 00:42:18.960
raising children, everybody smiling and happy.

817
00:42:18.960 --> 00:42:21.220
But you guys, the damage had been done.

818
00:42:21.220 --> 00:42:22.580
Families had already been broken.

819
00:42:22.580 --> 00:42:24.020
Too many people had already married

820
00:42:24.020 --> 00:42:25.940
into strange families and strangers

821
00:42:25.980 --> 00:42:27.060
and all different types of things.

822
00:42:27.060 --> 00:42:28.700
People were lost at war.

823
00:42:28.700 --> 00:42:32.060
Women had seen what it was like to be out of the house.

824
00:42:32.060 --> 00:42:34.380
Woo-hoo, we're not going back.

825
00:42:34.380 --> 00:42:38.420
There was all kinds of stuff going on during those days.

826
00:42:38.420 --> 00:42:39.980
And of course, the movies and the shows

827
00:42:39.980 --> 00:42:42.620
make it seem like the golden age and everyone's happy.

828
00:42:42.620 --> 00:42:44.580
You know how we know that's not true?

829
00:42:44.580 --> 00:42:46.460
The 60s and 70s.

830
00:42:46.460 --> 00:42:48.100
That's how we know it's not true.

831
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:51.840
The young people are always the litmus test.

832
00:42:51.840 --> 00:42:54.820
They're always the barometer of what's really happening.

833
00:42:54.820 --> 00:42:57.240
They're like, we're not living like that.

834
00:42:57.240 --> 00:43:00.520
We actually want birth control.

835
00:43:00.520 --> 00:43:02.420
We want abortion on demand.

836
00:43:02.420 --> 00:43:04.620
We want divorce on demand.

837
00:43:04.620 --> 00:43:09.520
And so that gave way to where we are now.

838
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:10.860
Dating became a hobby.

839
00:43:10.860 --> 00:43:12.140
It became recreational.

840
00:43:12.140 --> 00:43:14.300
Enter the 80s and 90s,

841
00:43:14.300 --> 00:43:17.660
the sitcoms of the 2000s, Seinfeld, Friends,

842
00:43:17.660 --> 00:43:21.040
Sex and the City, everything telling us dating is fun.

843
00:43:21.040 --> 00:43:22.160
Being single is fun.

844
00:43:22.160 --> 00:43:23.000
Don't get married.

845
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:23.820
Don't settle.

846
00:43:23.860 --> 00:43:25.660
There's endless options out here.

847
00:43:25.660 --> 00:43:27.140
Then enter dating apps.

848
00:43:27.140 --> 00:43:29.180
They came in right at the beginning,

849
00:43:29.180 --> 00:43:30.220
right there in the 90s,

850
00:43:30.220 --> 00:43:33.940
right when we were starting to be fed all of this propaganda

851
00:43:33.940 --> 00:43:36.760
and then people were digitally meeting people,

852
00:43:36.760 --> 00:43:40.140
outsourcing their love life to an algorithm.

853
00:43:40.140 --> 00:43:42.900
Once again, endless options like Baskin Robbins.

854
00:43:42.900 --> 00:43:44.540
What flavor are you looking for?

855
00:43:44.540 --> 00:43:45.780
Nobody's good enough.

856
00:43:45.780 --> 00:43:50.780
And that is how we got where we are.

857
00:43:51.600 --> 00:43:52.960
That's how we got where we are.

858
00:43:53.000 --> 00:43:54.420
So the system is broken.

859
00:43:55.640 --> 00:43:56.520
It is.

860
00:43:56.520 --> 00:43:57.840
But you know what's not broken?

861
00:43:57.840 --> 00:43:59.500
God's divine design,

862
00:43:59.500 --> 00:44:01.600
his original design for men and women.

863
00:44:01.600 --> 00:44:03.140
That's not broken, you guys.

864
00:44:04.160 --> 00:44:05.440
It's not.

865
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:07.720
God still created us for each other

866
00:44:07.720 --> 00:44:09.920
and we're better together.

867
00:44:09.920 --> 00:44:11.120
Let me go back to some scripture.

868
00:44:11.120 --> 00:44:14.800
It says that man was created for God

869
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:16.500
and woman was created for man.

870
00:44:16.500 --> 00:44:18.480
It says that we were created in his image.

871
00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:20.840
Male and female, he made us in his image.

872
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:25.840
And then he put us together because we're better together.

873
00:44:26.240 --> 00:44:28.000
It wasn't good for man to be alone.

874
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:30.440
Solitary is what that word really means.

875
00:44:30.440 --> 00:44:31.280
Where?

876
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:34.660
In creation, in God's divine plan.

877
00:44:34.660 --> 00:44:39.660
It wasn't good for man to be solitary in God's divine plan.

878
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:43.800
He needed a partner.

879
00:44:43.800 --> 00:44:48.500
He needed a one that's like him, a helpmate.

880
00:44:49.500 --> 00:44:53.660
And so enter woman and then we have man and woman

881
00:44:53.660 --> 00:44:56.060
and then we have the beautiful verse that says,

882
00:44:56.060 --> 00:45:00.220
what God has joined together, let nothing ever separate.

883
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.000
right

884
00:45:02.840 --> 00:45:08.160
But then we see that there's a curse and there's a this and there's a that and all the things come into play and

885
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:14.760
Friends the system the broken system is really just that playing out. And so if you really really want to get

886
00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:19.480
Over on the system if you want to beat the house at its own game

887
00:45:19.800 --> 00:45:24.520
You're going to have to redeem your mindset. You can't think like it you have to think

888
00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:27.600
different than it

889
00:45:28.600 --> 00:45:31.000
And you're like Jackie, what are you talking about?

890
00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:32.400
I'll tell you what I'm talking about

891
00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:38.000
if you believe in divine design you believe that men and women are better together and you believe that God has a spirit mate for

892
00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:40.760
You and if you believe that you've been hardwired to want

893
00:45:41.240 --> 00:45:46.700
Marriage and family because it's God's maturity plan for mankind and there's someone out there

894
00:45:47.160 --> 00:45:55.040
Probably, you know many someones that you could partner with and you could further your lineage and legacy with if you believe all that

895
00:45:55.240 --> 00:46:00.760
Then you have to stop taking a page from the playbook of culture about your love life

896
00:46:01.240 --> 00:46:05.180
You have to stop watching the rom-coms. You have to stop reading the

897
00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:07.800
dumb books

898
00:46:07.800 --> 00:46:11.400
They tell you how to ladies manipulate men seduce men

899
00:46:11.920 --> 00:46:19.040
Capture them trap them essentially and gentlemen, you have to stop reading from the playbook of you have to have it all together

900
00:46:19.920 --> 00:46:24.380
You have to become the man that ones the woman. I'm just gonna let you know something

901
00:46:25.040 --> 00:46:31.160
from the very beginning of time God said that it wasn't complete for you to be alone and

902
00:46:32.840 --> 00:46:36.920
So you cannot become the man that God has created you to be

903
00:46:37.520 --> 00:46:43.060
Without the help of your spirit mate. And so instead of trying to build some Empire without her

904
00:46:43.060 --> 00:46:44.840
Why don't you build an empire with her?

905
00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:50.360
Why don't you realize that you need her to go further than you are instead of thinking that you have to go further than you

906
00:46:50.360 --> 00:46:52.920
Are in order to deserve her or earn her

907
00:46:53.800 --> 00:46:55.800
That's actually not the way it works

908
00:46:57.240 --> 00:47:01.760
So it's important that you guys we come out of whatever it is the stinking thinking that you are

909
00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:05.120
So let's look at these scripts real quick. So what happened?

910
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:07.720
all of this happened and

911
00:47:07.720 --> 00:47:14.120
Depending on where you were raised and what shows you grew up watching and what narrative was told to you by your parents

912
00:47:14.120 --> 00:47:20.240
maybe not their words but by their actions by the love stories that you saw all around you of your aunts and uncles and

913
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:26.440
Grandparents and parents the other people around you your siblings. They grew up. They got married

914
00:47:26.720 --> 00:47:29.280
Who knows the shows you like to watch?

915
00:47:29.800 --> 00:47:37.060
Whatever those things were that you started getting inundated with maybe you grew up in religion where you had to kiss dating

916
00:47:37.060 --> 00:47:41.400
Goodbye, and you weren't allowed to date. It was purity culture and it was like, oh, you know

917
00:47:41.400 --> 00:47:45.980
I can't do anything until God gives me the one person that he picked out for me before the

918
00:47:46.320 --> 00:47:48.900
Beginning of time you guys that math doesn't math

919
00:47:49.740 --> 00:47:57.100
That doesn't Matt doesn't math if even one person decides to go a wall to go rogue and to pick someone besides the person

920
00:47:57.100 --> 00:48:00.900
That God picked for them then everybody else's person is now

921
00:48:01.460 --> 00:48:03.460
sabotaged

922
00:48:03.460 --> 00:48:06.460
There can't just be one person for every person because then

923
00:48:07.060 --> 00:48:12.220
What happens what happens if you have your person and then they pass away? Do you not get another person?

924
00:48:12.780 --> 00:48:19.020
This is one of the reasons why people stay in abusive relationships for so long like marriages when they should have gotten out ten years ago

925
00:48:19.020 --> 00:48:22.620
They don't get out because they're like, I don't get another one. This is the only one I get

926
00:48:22.620 --> 00:48:25.260
I got to make sure that I just stay here no matter what

927
00:48:26.020 --> 00:48:27.460
No

928
00:48:27.460 --> 00:48:31.220
That's not the way it works you guys in different seasons of your life

929
00:48:32.260 --> 00:48:38.220
There's going to be people that would be a great match for you in different seasons of your life

930
00:48:38.220 --> 00:48:44.020
If you had gotten if you had been in a place in a mindset where you would get married in your 20s

931
00:48:45.020 --> 00:48:50.380
and you would understand what we're gonna teach during this book club about what to look for for

932
00:48:50.700 --> 00:48:54.140
Compatibility and for long-term growth and you would get married, you know

933
00:48:54.140 --> 00:48:58.500
whatever in your 20s the person that you would marry in that decade of your life and

934
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:02.900
Let's say you weren't ready. Really you didn't know you hadn't done the work

935
00:49:03.420 --> 00:49:07.340
You didn't get married to your 30s. You didn't get married to your 40s

936
00:49:07.340 --> 00:49:10.460
You didn't get married to your 30s. That's not the same person

937
00:49:11.180 --> 00:49:13.260
Say you waited now you're in your 40s

938
00:49:13.260 --> 00:49:17.740
I know one of you at least is 46 years old and never married because you wrote to me you wrote to me on my

939
00:49:17.740 --> 00:49:23.740
Instagram the person that you would have marriage in your 20s and the person that you would marry your 40s not the same person

940
00:49:24.380 --> 00:49:26.380
not the same

941
00:49:26.540 --> 00:49:33.180
People that get married really young. This is why when you get married young you have to make a commitment to grow

942
00:49:33.740 --> 00:49:35.740
together and not apart

943
00:49:35.860 --> 00:49:41.180
You're saying that you're gonna love this person through all the different versions of them

944
00:49:41.540 --> 00:49:47.860
That happen as they get older and I know some people who have done that. Well, they got married at 18

945
00:49:48.020 --> 00:49:50.020
they're now in their 50s and

946
00:49:51.260 --> 00:49:54.540
They have radically changed over the course of that time

947
00:49:54.700 --> 00:50:00.060
But they have grown together and not apart and I see other people that get married young that don't even make

948
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.240
get two decades in because they start changing a lot,

949
00:50:04.240 --> 00:50:06.480
they start growing apart instead of together,

950
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:08.400
then they just show up one day thinking,

951
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:10.980
I don't know this person, I don't love this person,

952
00:50:10.980 --> 00:50:12.480
and then they end up divorced.

953
00:50:13.600 --> 00:50:15.880
Regardless of what age you are right now,

954
00:50:15.880 --> 00:50:20.240
there is someone that matches your calling,

955
00:50:20.240 --> 00:50:24.320
your destiny, your mindset, someone you can grow with,

956
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:26.880
someone you can build with right now.

957
00:50:27.880 --> 00:50:30.420
And it may not have been the same person

958
00:50:30.420 --> 00:50:32.480
that it would have been five years ago.

959
00:50:32.480 --> 00:50:33.560
And why am I saying this?

960
00:50:33.560 --> 00:50:35.280
Because a lot of you think you missed the boat,

961
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:36.520
you missed your person.

962
00:50:36.520 --> 00:50:38.080
You dated someone in your 20s and 30s,

963
00:50:38.080 --> 00:50:40.040
you're like, dang it, I should have married them.

964
00:50:40.040 --> 00:50:42.560
You know, I missed my chance, they were my person,

965
00:50:42.560 --> 00:50:45.080
and now it's over because they married someone else.

966
00:50:45.080 --> 00:50:46.620
You guys, that's not real.

967
00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:49.160
Please stop with that.

968
00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:52.640
Could you have done something with that person?

969
00:50:52.640 --> 00:50:53.780
Could you have built with them?

970
00:50:53.780 --> 00:50:55.560
Could you have had a good marriage with them?

971
00:50:55.560 --> 00:50:56.840
I don't know, I don't know them,

972
00:50:57.680 --> 00:50:58.720
and I don't know you.

973
00:50:58.720 --> 00:51:01.520
But I'm telling you that if you didn't do that,

974
00:51:01.520 --> 00:51:05.080
you did not miss out on your only chance at love.

975
00:51:06.640 --> 00:51:09.640
That's why you gotta stop watching these dumb movies.

976
00:51:09.640 --> 00:51:11.760
Will you please stop watching these dumb movies?

977
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:15.120
I mean, if you're gonna watch them for entertainment value,

978
00:51:15.120 --> 00:51:20.120
and you can take off the ideas

979
00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:22.560
that you get from those movies,

980
00:51:22.560 --> 00:51:26.420
if you understand that it's fiction, that it's fantasy,

981
00:51:27.020 --> 00:51:29.020
then fine, if you wanna be entertained.

982
00:51:29.020 --> 00:51:29.980
But a lot of you can't.

983
00:51:29.980 --> 00:51:32.100
A lot of you are allowing that to become a script.

984
00:51:32.100 --> 00:51:34.580
Okay, so let's talk about our scripts.

985
00:51:34.580 --> 00:51:38.080
So there were five scripts that I named,

986
00:51:38.080 --> 00:51:40.240
and you can be any hybrid of these scripts.

987
00:51:40.240 --> 00:51:43.700
You can be something that's akin to one of these scripts.

988
00:51:43.700 --> 00:51:46.700
It's not necessarily exactly the script, but it's similar.

989
00:51:46.700 --> 00:51:48.120
And they're the fairy tale script,

990
00:51:48.120 --> 00:51:51.300
the chill girl or passive guy script,

991
00:51:52.260 --> 00:51:55.320
the scarcity script, the independent script,

992
00:51:56.160 --> 00:51:59.880
or the passive faith script, okay?

993
00:51:59.880 --> 00:52:03.240
The fairy tale script, intensity equals destiny.

994
00:52:03.240 --> 00:52:04.960
It's all about chemistry.

995
00:52:04.960 --> 00:52:07.600
If it's not dramatic, it must not be love.

996
00:52:07.600 --> 00:52:09.240
It's all about reading the signs.

997
00:52:09.240 --> 00:52:14.080
It's all about immediate knowledge that they're the one, okay?

998
00:52:14.080 --> 00:52:16.520
The chill girl or passive guy script

999
00:52:16.520 --> 00:52:18.640
is you abandoning your own needs

1000
00:52:18.640 --> 00:52:20.440
just so you can be easygoing enough

1001
00:52:20.440 --> 00:52:23.800
for this person to like you.

1002
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:25.360
You're easy to choose.

1003
00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:27.480
You don't cause any problems.

1004
00:52:27.480 --> 00:52:28.500
You don't push back.

1005
00:52:28.500 --> 00:52:30.380
There's no conflict.

1006
00:52:30.380 --> 00:52:32.020
You're just going with the flow.

1007
00:52:32.020 --> 00:52:33.480
You're letting them drive the bus.

1008
00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:36.720
They're gonna take you wherever they wanna take you, okay?

1009
00:52:36.720 --> 00:52:40.640
The scarcity script are all the good ones are taken,

1010
00:52:40.640 --> 00:52:44.320
so I better just go ahead and settle for this one.

1011
00:52:44.320 --> 00:52:45.680
I gotta hang on.

1012
00:52:45.680 --> 00:52:47.160
I gotta make it work.

1013
00:52:47.160 --> 00:52:49.400
I can't mess it up because there's no more

1014
00:52:49.400 --> 00:52:50.920
where this is coming from.

1015
00:52:50.920 --> 00:52:53.240
The independent script is I don't need anyone.

1016
00:52:53.640 --> 00:52:55.040
I'm fine.

1017
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:56.840
If I'm never married, that's fine.

1018
00:52:56.840 --> 00:52:58.340
I never have to be married.

1019
00:52:59.360 --> 00:53:01.160
I'm just gonna be fine by myself.

1020
00:53:01.160 --> 00:53:03.400
Intimacy is risky anyway,

1021
00:53:03.400 --> 00:53:05.920
so if anyone wants to be with me,

1022
00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:09.560
then they're gonna have to be amazing, like beyond amazing.

1023
00:53:09.560 --> 00:53:12.560
They're gonna have to make me want to give up

1024
00:53:12.560 --> 00:53:16.280
my amazing single life just to be with them, all right?

1025
00:53:16.280 --> 00:53:19.160
The passive faith script is if it's meant to happen,

1026
00:53:19.160 --> 00:53:20.320
it will.

1027
00:53:20.320 --> 00:53:22.520
I don't have to do anything to make it happen

1028
00:53:22.520 --> 00:53:24.620
because if it's God's will for me,

1029
00:53:24.620 --> 00:53:28.240
then he is the one that will do it, okay?

1030
00:53:28.240 --> 00:53:30.720
Those are just brief little descriptions.

1031
00:53:30.720 --> 00:53:33.800
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and put you in breakout rooms,

1032
00:53:33.800 --> 00:53:34.760
and when you come back,

1033
00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:38.200
we're gonna share what your main script is,

1034
00:53:38.200 --> 00:53:39.780
and then also you can tell people

1035
00:53:39.780 --> 00:53:41.080
what your secondary script is.

1036
00:53:41.080 --> 00:53:44.700
If you're kind of a hybrid of a few of these scripts,

1037
00:53:44.700 --> 00:53:46.840
then you can share that as well, okay?

1038
00:53:46.840 --> 00:53:48.600
All right, let me...

1039
00:53:52.520 --> 00:53:57.520
All right, you guys, it's gonna pop up on your screen

1040
00:54:09.240 --> 00:54:11.960
if you just got on with us to join your breakout room,

1041
00:54:11.960 --> 00:54:15.400
and that's how you're gonna do it, all right?

1042
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:20.240
And opening the rooms.

1043
00:54:20.240 --> 00:54:22.600
Remember, you're gonna share your scripts.

1044
00:54:45.320 --> 00:54:47.760
All right, welcome back.

1045
00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:49.940
Guys, enjoying your breakouts?

1046
00:54:50.600 --> 00:54:53.120
For those that are watching in replay, it's okay.

1047
00:54:53.120 --> 00:54:54.200
When you get to a live session,

1048
00:54:54.200 --> 00:54:55.960
you can go into a breakout as well,

1049
00:54:55.960 --> 00:54:57.240
but all we're doing in those breakouts

1050
00:54:57.240 --> 00:55:00.040
is just activating what we're already teaching.

1051
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.000
Because, once again, activation is going to make it stick.

1052
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:05.880
It is what is going to make it stick.

1053
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:06.880
All right.

1054
00:55:06.880 --> 00:55:11.480
As soon as everyone gets back, I'm going to just read off a few scenarios, and I want

1055
00:55:11.480 --> 00:55:17.300
you to guess, of the five scripts that we have to choose from, which script is this

1056
00:55:17.300 --> 00:55:20.640
real-life scenario, right?

1057
00:55:20.640 --> 00:55:26.800
We're going to do that here in just a second.

1058
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:42.720
As soon as everyone gets back, when you guys come out from breakouts, you might still be

1059
00:55:42.720 --> 00:55:47.760
unmuted, and so make sure that you mute, because otherwise everyone's going to hear what you're

1060
00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:49.880
saying at your house.

1061
00:55:49.880 --> 00:55:52.480
You're yelling at your dog, we're going to hear you.

1062
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:56.320
You're yelling at your kids, we're going to hear you.

1063
00:55:56.320 --> 00:56:03.040
You got the TV in the back, watching something crazy, we're going to hear it.

1064
00:56:03.040 --> 00:56:12.400
Why don't you guys go ahead and put up your main one in the chat, so everyone who wasn't

1065
00:56:12.400 --> 00:56:41.400
in your group can see it.

1066
00:56:41.400 --> 00:56:44.000
Some of you are like, I'm all five of them.

1067
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:52.040
All five, that's me.

1068
00:56:52.040 --> 00:56:53.040
I'm all five.

1069
00:56:53.040 --> 00:56:54.040
Okay.

1070
00:56:54.040 --> 00:57:00.120
We're going to do one more little thing to make everything hit home, kind of come together,

1071
00:57:00.120 --> 00:57:04.480
and then I'm going to talk to you a little bit about your dating autopsy, and I'm going

1072
00:57:04.480 --> 00:57:12.000
to send you on your way for tonight.

1073
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:22.720
I think my husband might be flirting with me in the chat, y'all.

1074
00:57:22.720 --> 00:57:27.040
For those of you that are new and don't know our story, I actually married my next door

1075
00:57:27.040 --> 00:57:28.040
neighbor.

1076
00:57:28.040 --> 00:57:33.000
Once again, my husband does like to ask me, hey, you know, if we met each other when we

1077
00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:35.760
were like in high school, would you have dated me?

1078
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:38.000
And the answer is absolutely not.

1079
00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:39.120
Okay.

1080
00:57:39.120 --> 00:57:44.240
This goes to show you that everybody's not the same, that everybody's not the right person

1081
00:57:44.240 --> 00:57:48.920
for you throughout different seasons, right?

1082
00:57:48.920 --> 00:57:51.480
Because in high school, first of all, I was four years younger.

1083
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:55.060
So he would have been in college when I was coming into ninth grade.

1084
00:57:55.060 --> 00:57:57.800
So right there would have been a disconnect.

1085
00:57:57.800 --> 00:58:02.320
And secondly, he was kind of like, he got best dressed in his high school.

1086
00:58:02.320 --> 00:58:06.520
He got best dressed and he was like a golf guy.

1087
00:58:06.520 --> 00:58:08.760
And that just wouldn't have been my guy.

1088
00:58:08.760 --> 00:58:12.160
I'm telling you, when I was a teenager, that just wouldn't have been, that wouldn't have

1089
00:58:12.160 --> 00:58:13.360
been my thing.

1090
00:58:13.360 --> 00:58:15.120
He was a real churchy boy.

1091
00:58:15.120 --> 00:58:17.920
Remember, I wasn't, I didn't go to church.

1092
00:58:17.920 --> 00:58:20.000
I didn't, I didn't meet Jesus.

1093
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:24.360
I didn't have my Christianity experience until I was in my twenties.

1094
00:58:24.360 --> 00:58:29.080
And so there's a lot of reasons why we really not, we really wouldn't have been a match.

1095
00:58:29.080 --> 00:58:31.120
You guys see that?

1096
00:58:31.120 --> 00:58:35.740
It's just different reasons, different seasons of time.

1097
00:58:35.740 --> 00:58:39.140
So once again, please don't think that you've missed your boat.

1098
00:58:39.140 --> 00:58:40.280
You cannot miss your boat.

1099
00:58:40.280 --> 00:58:42.040
You are the captain of that boat.

1100
00:58:42.040 --> 00:58:44.360
It is not going to sail without you.

1101
00:58:44.360 --> 00:58:45.360
All right.

1102
00:58:45.360 --> 00:58:50.160
So stop, just come out of all of this belief system that's got you stuck.

1103
00:58:50.160 --> 00:58:52.960
And we're not going to stop talking about that.

1104
00:58:52.960 --> 00:58:53.960
So don't be afraid.

1105
00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:55.840
Like Jackie, talk more about that.

1106
00:58:55.840 --> 00:58:56.840
Don't worry.

1107
00:58:56.840 --> 00:58:59.880
We're going to talk about non-negotiables versus preferences as a whole teaching.

1108
00:58:59.880 --> 00:59:03.080
We're going to talk about all different types of things, but I want to really give some

1109
00:59:03.080 --> 00:59:04.760
examples of these scripts.

1110
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:08.960
So I'm going to read you guys some scenarios and then I want you to put in the chat which

1111
00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:10.680
script you think it is.

1112
00:59:10.680 --> 00:59:12.680
Want to play?

1113
00:59:12.680 --> 00:59:16.480
Okay, let's do it.

1114
00:59:16.480 --> 00:59:23.360
Aaron, now if any of these names are your name, don't get your panties in a wad, okay?

1115
00:59:23.360 --> 00:59:24.960
We didn't do this with you in mind.

1116
00:59:24.960 --> 00:59:25.960
It's just random.

1117
00:59:26.480 --> 00:59:30.600
Aaron has been on three dates with somebody she actually likes.

1118
00:59:30.600 --> 00:59:36.040
He texted to ask what she thought about Thai food this weekend.

1119
00:59:36.040 --> 00:59:39.240
Aaron loves Thai food.

1120
00:59:39.240 --> 00:59:40.960
Aaron hates Thai food.

1121
00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:43.800
Wait, what does she like?

1122
00:59:43.800 --> 00:59:45.520
She likes whatever he likes.

1123
00:59:45.520 --> 00:59:48.440
She doesn't want to seem difficult.

1124
00:59:48.440 --> 00:59:51.200
That Thai food sounds great, she says.

1125
00:59:51.200 --> 00:59:56.840
Then she sees that he texted her the restaurant link.

1126
00:59:56.840 --> 00:59:59.920
And she replies, that sounds wonderful.

1127
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:10.640
I'm totally open to whatever you want to do." What script is Erin running? In her

1128
01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:18.320
life, just in general. Yeah, she just wants to be... she just wants him to think

1129
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:23.600
that she's cool, right? She just wants him to think that she's like the greatest

1130
01:00:23.600 --> 01:00:28.200
thing. Wow, this girl likes everything that I like. This girl wants to do

1131
01:00:28.200 --> 01:00:32.520
everything that I want to do. This girl never has an opinion that's not the

1132
01:00:32.520 --> 01:00:40.280
same as mine. Um, there's your first clue. There's no such thing as that. And trust

1133
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:46.000
me, that kind of relationship for a man would get so boring. I will tell you, as a

1134
01:00:46.000 --> 01:00:50.920
matchmaker and a dating coach, chill girls are fun to hang out with for a

1135
01:00:50.920 --> 01:00:56.640
while, but they very rarely get chosen by the guy they're being chilled with...

1136
01:00:56.640 --> 01:01:01.760
chill with and get married. Because men like a challenge. I'm not saying that he

1137
01:01:01.760 --> 01:01:05.400
wants a woman who's always arguing with him and always causing conflict. That's

1138
01:01:05.400 --> 01:01:09.160
not what I mean. Men like women to have their own thoughts, their own feelings.

1139
01:01:09.160 --> 01:01:13.800
You know, they want a challenge. They want some mystery. They don't want someone

1140
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:18.720
just going along with them like a little lemming all the time. They don't. It's not

1141
01:01:18.720 --> 01:01:24.760
hot. Okay, the nice guy or the passive guy, right? Same thing, John. Women don't want

1142
01:01:24.800 --> 01:01:29.760
that. Men think that women want that. It's just like, oh, well, I don't want to, you

1143
01:01:29.760 --> 01:01:34.240
know, I'm just gonna be the nice guy. I'm gonna be the gentle guy. I'm gonna be the

1144
01:01:34.240 --> 01:01:39.800
guy that does all the things that the other men didn't. You know, well, yeah, but

1145
01:01:39.800 --> 01:01:42.160
you're probably gonna get friend-zoned. That's probably what's gonna happen

1146
01:01:42.160 --> 01:01:46.360
there. All right, let me read you another one. Marcus has been single for four

1147
01:01:46.360 --> 01:01:52.720
years. When his sister offered to set him up with her co-worker, he said, if God

1148
01:01:52.720 --> 01:01:57.520
wants me to meet someone, he knows where I live. I don't need to be running around

1149
01:01:57.520 --> 01:02:03.960
forcing things. He prays for a wife every single night before he goes to bed, and

1150
01:02:03.960 --> 01:02:13.200
he hasn't had a single conversation with any woman this year. Who's Marcus? And I

1151
01:02:13.200 --> 01:02:17.880
know a lot of Marcus's, both male and female, lots of them. God knows where I

1152
01:02:17.880 --> 01:02:23.400
live. If he wants me to be married, he knows what to do. He knows where to bring

1153
01:02:23.400 --> 01:02:27.360
them. I don't want to force it. I don't want to make it happen. I don't want to

1154
01:02:27.360 --> 01:02:32.000
strive. I don't want to get in God's way. You're already in God's way. This kind of

1155
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:36.960
thinking is in God's way, because it's ridiculous. You might think it's biblical,

1156
01:02:36.960 --> 01:02:43.120
but it's not. Faith without action is dead religion. That's what the scripture

1157
01:02:43.120 --> 01:02:48.400
says. Okay? All right. So he's running, all of you got it, passive faith. He's

1158
01:02:48.400 --> 01:02:54.200
spiritualizing doing nothing. Right? He's not taking action. And this is even worse.

1159
01:02:54.200 --> 01:02:58.420
Gentlemen, this is even, this is a script that's even worse for men to be running.

1160
01:02:58.420 --> 01:03:02.360
Can anyone tell me why we think this is worse for a man to actually be running

1161
01:03:02.360 --> 01:03:10.200
this script than a woman? Why is it worse for a man to be running it? Right? Because

1162
01:03:10.360 --> 01:03:17.080
it's hardwired in men's DNA to initiate. The masculine is an initiator. The

1163
01:03:17.080 --> 01:03:21.920
masculine is a leader. And so if men are just kind of sitting around twiddling

1164
01:03:21.920 --> 01:03:26.960
their thumbs, waiting for God to drop a woman out of the sky on their head, then

1165
01:03:26.960 --> 01:03:31.960
we got a real problem. Okay. All right. Let me read another one.

1166
01:03:31.960 --> 01:03:38.120
Tara met someone on Saturday, but by Sunday they had already texted for nine

1167
01:03:38.360 --> 01:03:43.720
straight hours. Come on. Some of you have done this. You went on a date and you

1168
01:03:43.720 --> 01:03:47.840
stayed on the date for 12 hours. You went on a marathon date. And by the end of

1169
01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:51.960
the day, you're like, Oh my gosh, it feels like I've known them all my life. Okay.

1170
01:03:52.040 --> 01:03:58.600
By Tuesday, she was telling her best friend that this was her husband. Some of

1171
01:03:58.600 --> 01:04:01.880
you are guilty of this. So don't be laughing at Tara. This is you. You are

1172
01:04:01.880 --> 01:04:08.520
Tara. Tara is you. Let's be honest. This is the one. I can feel it. This is it.

1173
01:04:08.720 --> 01:04:19.760
This is it. By Friday, they had already said, I love you. But her friends are

1174
01:04:19.760 --> 01:04:24.120
concerned. Sorry. Her friends are concerned. Tara thinks they just don't

1175
01:04:24.120 --> 01:04:29.280
understand because she can feel the destiny. They are just meant to be

1176
01:04:29.280 --> 01:04:36.880
together. Right? If it's this intense, it has to be my soulmate. What do we got?

1177
01:04:38.240 --> 01:04:46.960
Someone just said therapy. Just therapy. I can tell that this book club is gonna

1178
01:04:46.960 --> 01:04:51.440
be a live wire. I really can tell. We're gonna have a lot of fun. Okay. Fairy

1179
01:04:51.440 --> 01:04:55.880
Tale. That's right. He'll be gone by month three. He should be gone by month

1180
01:04:55.880 --> 01:05:00.040
three, Amy, because otherwise she gonna be in a bad

1181
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.480
marriage, right? Okay. Very funny. Very funny. Okay. Let's do a couple more. All right. Brent.

1182
01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:18.120
Let's do a guy. Brent has been talking to someone for two months. She is okay. She's

1183
01:05:18.120 --> 01:05:24.600
okay. She's not great. She's not his dream girl. Last week, she said something at dinner

1184
01:05:24.600 --> 01:05:30.740
that hurt his feelings and he didn't say anything because he keeps thinking, what if I let her

1185
01:05:30.740 --> 01:05:37.920
go and there isn't someone better? I'm 30. I'm what does that say? I'm I'm 60. No, sorry.

1186
01:05:37.920 --> 01:05:44.280
I think it says, I think it says 39. I'm 39. The dating pool isn't exactly overflowing.

1187
01:05:44.280 --> 01:05:53.080
Maybe this is what's realistic at my age. What we got? What we got? What script is he

1188
01:05:53.080 --> 01:06:07.040
running? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Scarcity. Does anyone see themselves in that one? They're

1189
01:06:07.040 --> 01:06:19.240
okay. They're okay. What? Okay. Jordan went on three dates with a man who treats her well,

1190
01:06:19.240 --> 01:06:25.240
communicates clearly, and is direct about wanting a marriage minded relationship. After

1191
01:06:25.240 --> 01:06:31.760
date three, she said, I'm going to break it off. I don't need a relationship to feel complete.

1192
01:06:31.760 --> 01:06:37.720
I love my life. Why would I let someone disrupt that? Her sister asked one question. When was

1193
01:06:37.720 --> 01:06:42.760
the last time you actually let someone get close to you and Jordan couldn't remember?

1194
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:50.560
Who does that sound like? Anyone in here rowing that boat with Jordan? You guys are right. It's

1195
01:06:50.560 --> 01:06:56.680
the independent script. Self-sufficiency, you guys. Hyper independence is a heart wound. Just

1196
01:06:56.680 --> 01:07:02.280
so you know. And here's the thing. Someone can be really great and you're still not going to let

1197
01:07:02.280 --> 01:07:07.800
them in because you're just afraid that if you let them in, then they're not going to be so great.

1198
01:07:07.800 --> 01:07:12.440
And or you're going to have to change your life. Can I tell you something? If you want to get

1199
01:07:12.440 --> 01:07:17.320
married, you're going to have to change your life. I don't care how good your life is. If you get

1200
01:07:17.320 --> 01:07:20.680
married, you're going to have to change your life. You're going to have to make room for another

1201
01:07:20.680 --> 01:07:27.480
person, for their habits, for their schedule, for their desires and dreams and wants. You're going

1202
01:07:27.480 --> 01:07:33.400
to have to lose pieces of yourself in order to come together with another person and vice versa.

1203
01:07:34.520 --> 01:07:38.840
Now that only doesn't work if only one person is compromising. One person is losing pieces of

1204
01:07:38.840 --> 01:07:44.680
themselves and the other person isn't. That is very imbalanced. But both of you will have to

1205
01:07:44.680 --> 01:07:51.320
make room physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially for the

1206
01:07:51.320 --> 01:07:59.640
other person. I unfortunately had a match that I was part of. They were great together. They were

1207
01:07:59.640 --> 01:08:04.200
great for... they were great until they weren't great. And you know when they weren't great?

1208
01:08:04.200 --> 01:08:10.520
The woman had been single all of her life and now she was in her mid to late 40s. She was getting

1209
01:08:10.520 --> 01:08:15.960
married. This is her first marriage. In fact, it was her first really serious relationship and she

1210
01:08:15.960 --> 01:08:23.960
had an abundant and a very satisfying single life. But she wanted to be married. She had lots of

1211
01:08:23.960 --> 01:08:28.279
friends. She had lots of activities. She had lots of community. She had lots of goals and dreams. She

1212
01:08:28.279 --> 01:08:34.200
was an entrepreneur. She had all kinds of things going on. And y'all, I saw the trouble on the

1213
01:08:34.200 --> 01:08:40.279
horizon during premarital coaching. I saw it because she was like, you know, I'm gonna need

1214
01:08:40.279 --> 01:08:46.279
my quiet time. I'm gonna need my alone time. I'm gonna need time to go out with my friends. She

1215
01:08:46.279 --> 01:08:52.279
already wasn't inviting him to things that she just wanted to go by herself to. Just I saw it.

1216
01:08:52.279 --> 01:08:56.760
And so we had this conversation that I'm having with you guys right now. Because a lot of you,

1217
01:08:56.760 --> 01:09:00.920
you bemoan being single. You're like, oh I don't want to be single. But you also really love your

1218
01:09:00.920 --> 01:09:07.560
single life and it's going to be hard to change it. And it's going to have to change. Parts of it

1219
01:09:07.560 --> 01:09:13.479
will. So anyway, they get married and it starts immediately. Immediately. After the honeymoon,

1220
01:09:13.479 --> 01:09:18.520
immediately she doesn't want him moving all of his stuff into her house. She only wants him to

1221
01:09:18.520 --> 01:09:22.920
bring certain things. It's kind of back to when Harry met Sally in the wagon wheel coffee table.

1222
01:09:22.920 --> 01:09:28.439
But even worse, she doesn't even want to let him move his stuff into the house. It's like,

1223
01:09:28.439 --> 01:09:31.560
it's like she thought they were going to live in separate houses or something. It's like she

1224
01:09:31.560 --> 01:09:36.200
thought they were going to be married without cohabitating. And it was downhill from there.

1225
01:09:36.200 --> 01:09:42.600
She never let him into her life. She never made room for him. She never shared her life with him,

1226
01:09:42.600 --> 01:09:47.479
her community with him. And they're divorced now. True story. Divorced. Okay.

1227
01:09:51.160 --> 01:09:55.880
So for those of you that have an abundant life, you're going to have to,

1228
01:09:57.400 --> 01:09:59.880
you're going to have to make room. You're going to have to change.

1229
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.760
some of your activities. You're not going to be able to do everything you did as a single, as a

1230
01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:08.960
married person, just so you know. Lauren has been talking to a guy who is fun, smart, and emotionally

1231
01:10:08.960 --> 01:10:13.680
unavailable in ways that are starting to show. Do you guys know that that doesn't show at first?

1232
01:10:13.680 --> 01:10:18.560
And by the way, women can be emotionally unavailable as well. He cancels often now

1233
01:10:18.560 --> 01:10:24.240
that they've been into this relationship for a few months. He goes quiet for days sometimes.

1234
01:10:24.240 --> 01:10:31.680
He has stopped making concrete plans. When her friend asked if she'd talk to him about where

1235
01:10:31.680 --> 01:10:38.240
this is going, Lauren laughed and said, oh, I don't want to scare him off. I'm good. I'm super

1236
01:10:38.240 --> 01:10:45.200
low maintenance, right? I'm basically a guy with better hair. You know, I'm like a guy. I don't

1237
01:10:45.200 --> 01:10:52.320
need a lot. I'm like a cat. Yeah, I don't need a lot. Just change my litter box every once in a

1238
01:10:52.320 --> 01:10:57.200
while. Leave out some water and food and I'll be all right.

1239
01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:08.400
It's possible, Justin, that the guy's an avoidant. That's true.

1240
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:14.960
But remember, she's not really necessarily. She could be. She could be an anxious attacher.

1241
01:11:14.960 --> 01:11:20.560
She could be an anxious attacher. We're not going to get into attachment style tonight, but,

1242
01:11:20.560 --> 01:11:27.760
but yes. And also it could be this. I want to tell you this. If you're in a relationship with

1243
01:11:27.760 --> 01:11:32.480
a chill person who's not trying to rock the boat and just wants, you know, wants to act like they're

1244
01:11:32.480 --> 01:11:38.240
really low maintenance and they don't need a lot from you, you're going to start getting bored with

1245
01:11:38.240 --> 01:11:42.240
that person. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have an avoidant attachment style. You're just

1246
01:11:42.240 --> 01:11:46.880
going to get bored with them because they're not showing you their real self. And in a weird way,

1247
01:11:46.880 --> 01:11:50.720
they're kind of lying to you about who they are, aren't they? In a weird way, they're sort of

1248
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:56.320
manipulating you, aren't they? And people can feel that. People can feel when you're being too

1249
01:11:56.320 --> 01:12:03.360
compliant. You're being too easy. You're being, you know, just vanilla ice cream. Not everyone

1250
01:12:03.360 --> 01:12:12.640
likes vanilla ice cream. Some people need rooty tooty rainbow fruity ice cream. That's what they

1251
01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:21.200
need. When I was a kid, we had slushies. You guys remember the slushie machines? And my friends

1252
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:26.480
used to make a suicide. You ever had a suicide? You know what that is? I don't know why kids in

1253
01:12:26.480 --> 01:12:30.400
the nineties decided to make up these names, you guys. So don't be offended by it. But basically

1254
01:12:30.400 --> 01:12:35.840
what it means is you put a little bit of every flavor into that cup and then you drank it.

1255
01:12:35.840 --> 01:12:46.320
You know? So here's the thing. If you're trying to be super chill with someone who needs a suicide

1256
01:12:46.320 --> 01:12:52.560
slushie, then you're not going to be their cup of vodka. All right? You could be all the tea you

1257
01:12:52.560 --> 01:12:57.280
want. And the bottom line is, is it's really important that we understand that if you really

1258
01:12:57.280 --> 01:13:04.240
want to attract your spirit mate, your partner, your ride or die, you have to 100% be yourself.

1259
01:13:06.240 --> 01:13:11.200
Because that is what they should and need to be attracted to. All right, let's talk about our

1260
01:13:11.200 --> 01:13:16.080
homework. So your homework is going to be your dating autopsy. You should have already done it.

1261
01:13:16.640 --> 01:13:23.040
But if you didn't do it, now is your chance to do it. And we are going to share it for our shares

1262
01:13:23.040 --> 01:13:29.600
starting next week. So as we go into next week, the drip has started. Cheryl has opened up your

1263
01:13:29.600 --> 01:13:34.560
reading assignments for next week. She has opened up your worksheet for next week. Everything is

1264
01:13:34.560 --> 01:13:39.280
dripping. It's ready to go. You can go into the app. You can start it tonight if you want to.

1265
01:13:39.280 --> 01:13:47.840
But I will say this to you. We're going to start with this activation first thing the next Monday

1266
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:53.920
night. Okay? We're going to share what did you find out about yourself from the dating autopsy.

1267
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:58.960
For those of you that have never, you haven't had a date or you haven't been in a relationship yet,

1268
01:13:59.840 --> 01:14:04.080
that's okay. You're going to learn a lot from listening to other people's dating autopsies.

1269
01:14:04.160 --> 01:14:10.560
You know what you can do? You can do a friendship autopsy. Go ahead and write down your last couple

1270
01:14:10.560 --> 01:14:16.560
friendships. Did they go south? Are you still friends with them? What qualities do the friends

1271
01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:21.520
that you have that you really like and enjoy and feel like you can be yourself with, what qualities

1272
01:14:21.520 --> 01:14:27.600
do those relationships have versus the friendships that have ended or even ended badly? So if you've

1273
01:14:27.600 --> 01:14:32.240
never been in a romantic relationship or you've never had a date, you can do this on a different

1274
01:14:32.240 --> 01:14:36.960
type of relationship, a friendship. Okay? Just so you can start to get to know yourself a little

1275
01:14:36.960 --> 01:14:44.480
bit and how you act in relationships. Cool? All right. All right. So thank you for joining me

1276
01:14:44.480 --> 01:14:49.440
for the first week. We do have a bonus Facebook group if you want to join it. It is in the

1277
01:14:49.440 --> 01:14:55.040
resource tab in your app. So you can join it. You don't have to join it, but if you like Facebook

1278
01:14:55.040 --> 01:14:58.880
and you want to join that group, if you think it's easier to have community and to post,

1279
01:14:58.880 --> 01:14:59.920
I will answer questions.

1280
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.560
both places. I will answer questions in the app, and I will answer questions in the Facebook group.

1281
01:15:06.560 --> 01:15:11.200
The only difference is in the Facebook group, you will be mixed in with all of the students

1282
01:15:11.200 --> 01:15:17.120
from last month's book club, because they still have one more class. So they're still all in there.

1283
01:15:17.120 --> 01:15:20.720
So you might meet even more new people if you want to join the Facebook group. Cool?

1284
01:15:21.360 --> 01:15:26.480
All right, you guys. I'm looking forward to this next four weeks together. You're going to

1285
01:15:26.480 --> 01:15:30.880
definitely get a lot of breakthrough, and I believe that this is going to turn into a summer

1286
01:15:30.880 --> 01:15:39.040
of love for all of you. Thanks for joining me. See you soon. Bye, everyone. Thank you.