Welcome to Modern Dating Sex Book Club.
For all of the replay listeners, welcome, welcome as well.
I know some of you are not gonna be able to come
to every single class live and that's okay.
We only have one rule here at Modern Dating Sex Book Club
and that is what happens here stays here.
No, just kidding, that's Fight Club.
Really what the one rule is is that if you sign up,
you also show up.
And that means that if you can't show up live in person
during session time, which is Monday 7 Central, 8 Eastern,
then you're gonna show up and replay.
Who is saying yes to that?
Let me see yeses in the chat.
If you are promising yourself, you're not promising me.
It makes no difference to me, right?
Well, it does, because I want you to be successful.
I want you to step into your love story.
But I want you to promise it to yourself and to each other.
Hey, I signed up for this and yes,
it's the second day of summer and yes,
I have a lot on my plate and yes, it's nice outside,
especially for those of you that live in the frozen north
and all of a sudden it's sunny outside
and you don't wanna stay inside.
And I know you don't wanna look at screens
because you look at screens all day at work.
I get it, I understand, but I promise you,
this five weeks is gonna be powerful.
It's going to be life changing,
especially love life changing.
So I wanna see in the chat right now, who is saying yes.
I signed up, Jackie, and I'm here on the first night,
but I'm gonna be here every single week
and replay if I can't be live.
Come on, make a promise to yourself.
Make a promise to each other.
You're in this together.
Right now, take a look around.
Some people's cameras are not on
because they might be just getting home from work.
They might not be camera ready.
There can be all different types of reasons.
Go ahead and tell yourself that next week,
when you show up to Modern Dating Sucks Book Club,
MDS Book Club, that you are going to have your camera on.
It's not a requirement.
We're not gonna kick you out
if you don't have your camera on,
but this is a co-ed group,
and so you might meet your spirit mate here.
It's happened before.
It's definitely happened before in my programs
and in my co-ed sessions,
and so make a decision that you're gonna show up
and you're going to show up on camera,
unless you're in replay, of course,
and then we won't be able to see you anyway.
That's okay.
And if you only show up on replay,
make sure you show up in the app and you post.
We wanna know, there's several different tabs in your group,
in your Modern Dating Sucks Book Club group on the app.
There's several different tabs.
There's a wins tab.
What's the wins tab all about?
If you hit that tab, all of the things underneath that,
all of the comments, all of the posts,
are gonna be from all of you saying,
hey, this is my win for this week.
This is what happened when I read this portion of the book.
This is what happened when I did my dating autopsy.
This is what happened when I found my script.
This is what happened when I decided to show up differently.
This is what happened when I put my apps on pause.
That's for you to testify, so to speak,
for you to let us know, hey, this is what's going on
in my heart and in my life since I joined this book club.
And then there's another tab called Coaching.
Ask Jackie, ask a coach.
And if you hit that tab, all of the posts underneath
that tab are gonna be direct questions to me or my team.
Now, if you have a technical question,
if you have a technology question,
if you have a billing question,
if you have a logistical question,
it's gonna be better for you to email us,
admin at JackieDorman.com, super simple,
write it down right now.
If you have any kind of tech question,
billing question, logistical question,
something about the app, something about the schedule,
instead of putting that in the Ask a Coach tab,
why don't you go ahead and email us?
We have a great customer experience team.
They will get back to you within 24 hours
with an answer to your question, okay?
Some of you already have questions.
I see you already.
You have questions about the app.
We actually have our tech guru here on with me.
She is my co-host tonight, Cheryl Guillaume.
If you have a question and you wanna put it
in the chat right now, she may go ahead and DM you
and answer you since she's here, and that's great.
So you guys, I believe in divine appointments.
Do you believe in divine appointments?
I've had so many divine appointments in my own life.
I can't tell you how many times I wanted something
to be the right season for me.
I wanted to have breakthrough in a certain area of my life,
or I wanted a certain type of promotion or opportunity,
and I just wanted it to happen when I wanted it to happen,
and for whatever reason, it didn't.
But then at some future point, there was an opportunity
that kind of came along when I was least expecting it.
There was an open door that I wasn't even knocking on,
and I think that a lot of you are here because of that.
You probably, I mean, you've known that you're dating.
Life is not great. You've known that your love life could use some help.
A lot of you have been really frustrated,
maybe even feeling hopeless about your chance of meeting a spirit mate and
living happily ever after.
But it's possible that you have not come in here because you were working at like
a job trying to figure out how to fix it. But this just came across your email.
You've been on my list maybe for a while.
Maybe you've been in one of my programs for a while.
And then when you heard about this opportunity, there was a little spark.
There was a little spark like, Hey, what if, you know,
I really think I should do that. Yeah. You know,
I'm already coaching with Jackie. I'm already in last year single,
but I really just feel something on that opportunity.
I feel like a draw to it.
I want to see you in the chat right now if you are already coaching with me and
my team, if you're already in last year single,
I want to see how many last year single alumni and or current students we have.
Can you put that in the chat right now?
Put your little hand up. Give us some hearts. Put me,
a lot of people putting me L Y S L Y S L Y S.
Some are in phase two, some are in phase one. You're still doing heart work.
I promise you,
I'm not going to give you an overabundance of homework in this book club.
There's going to be a little bit of reading,
but there's going to be a lot of activation.
I don't believe in just teaching. I believe in activating.
People only retain information that they apply.
And so there's going to be a lot of activation. In fact,
I'm going to put you in some breakout groups here in a minute so you can do hi,
how are you is with each other. Meet a few people.
I think you can meet your best friend here.
You might meet your spirit mate here.
You're definitely going to meet community here.
We're going to do an exercise in week three called your relationship advisory
circle, and you're going to need people for it.
And if you don't have any people in your actual in-person life,
then you might find one or two folks here that you can enlist to help you to meet
your future mate.
Got it. Got it. Okay. Lots of people. All right. And then I want to see right now,
I want to see the hands of everyone who's brand new. If you're new to me,
welcome to me. I believe your love life is going to be different now.
Brand new. Maybe you follow me on Instagram,
but you've never bought anything from me. This is your first course.
This is your first rodeo with me, Jackie D. Let's see.
I got four hands up right now. Brand new, brand new, brand new,
newbie new. I'm new. Look at all these newbies.
I love it. New, new, new.
Wow. I love that. I love all these new folks. Well, you are going to,
you are going to get the opportunity at the end of this five weeks to do
something we've never done before.
And that is to be grandfathered into LYS, into our membership community,
just in time for our new community-based matchmaking app that's coming out this
summer. We're so excited about it.
It is unlike any technology you've ever used because it's not a dating app.
It's not just a meetup app. It is a matchmaking app.
And so it is going to help you to connect with people that you have things in
common with. It's going to help you to, um, to,
to look at whatever it is that may be keeping you from connecting.
So it's a little bit of education.
It's a little bit of location and geography, um,
helping you meet people in your area,
but also is going to help you to meet people because other people on the app
will actually be setting you up with people that they know in real life.
And there'll be something on that called Jackie's list and Jackie's list is just
going to be every single week, a different set of singles that I highlight,
that I spotlight, that I put out on my own social media,
that I put out to my very extensive email list of singles that are ready to
mingle. And so, um, we're going to be getting some people married around here.
So for all of you that said you're new to me,
let me just tell you a little bit about myself,
especially if you only know me from Instagram.
I am a bestselling author of several books for singles. I have the heart work.
I have married in 12 months or less. And then of course the brand new book,
modern dating sucks, which is the topic of this, um,
of this book club.
And then I also am the founder of a membership community for marriage minded
folks, marriage minded folks. And it is called last year single.
I have helped over 1600 people get married in the last five and a half years.
Over 1600 of my students have gotten married because of being in this community
either being match made by me, part of the community,
meeting someone here or match made by someone else in the community.
We have a true movement happening around last year single.
And it's very, very, very exciting.
OK, so we're going to jump in and just a second into tonight.
For those of you that are trying to figure out, hey, I got other things going on.
I need to know how long are these live sessions going to be?
They are never going to be longer than 90 minutes
and they're never going to be shorter than 60 minutes.
So somewhere in that sweet spot between 75 and 90 minutes.
And some of that is going to be breakout rooms.
OK, so when that happens, we'll turn off the
the. Tape the recording,
we'll turn off the recording so that we can
make sure that if you watch the replay,
you don't have a bunch of dead space in the middle of it.
All right. So let's all take a deep breath.
Who's got the book in their hands?
Now, the e-book comes with the program, with the book club,
but who actually has the book?
You have it. You have it.
Hold your book up if you have it. Let me see.
Some people are like, I have the hard copy.
Will says I have the hard copy.
Coming in the mail. Got it.
Before I put you in your first breakout to kind of say, hey,
to a couple of people, got to put your city and state.
Go ahead and put your city, state, country in the chat.
Take a look as these fly by.
See if there's anyone near you, anyone in a neighboring city,
anyone in the same city, same state, perhaps people that you might be able
to connect with in person as you go through this.
We have people meeting up in person to do their homework together.
In our last book club, and I think that's really fun and exciting.
So if you see anyone, we got Germany here.
That's amazing. Lots of Tennessee, lots of Texas.
Lots of the Upper East, Ohio,
Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey.
A lot of Midwest in here as well.
We got Indiana. We got Illinois.
Ohio, I guess, could be considered Midwest as well.
We got West Coast. I've seen Arizona.
I see California, several in California.
I see Florida in the house.
Several different cities in California are here. More East Coast.
More East Coast with Virginia.
I see the Carolinas represented.
I see Georgia is here.
We got some Canadians here.
Friends, I've had dozens of Canadian success stories over the last five years.
I used to be heard on the radio in Canada.
That's how the Canadians found out about me.
I used to be on 350 country and Christian radio stations across the U.S.
and Canada back in 2021, 22 into 23.
And even if you're the only New Englander tonight,
we definitely have Massachusetts.
We have Connecticut in our last year single program.
We have Maryland. We have Rhode Island.
We have a lot of that New England area up there.
Vermont, all the things.
New York, of course, that's headed out there towards New England.
Lots of Jersey. All right. Awesome.
All right, you guys.
I'm going to go ahead and put you into some breakout rooms.
What's a breakout room?
It just means that you're going to see something pop up on your screen
asking you if you want to enter your assigned breakout room.
It's going to be random.
I'm not manually assigning you.
I'm going to let the algorithm, the computer, take you and just put you somewhere.
And I want you just to meet a few people.
Just share, you know, who you are, where you're from.
And also let's share what is the biggest takeaway that we want to have
from this five weeks.
I know all of you want to meet a spirit mate.
All of you want to get married.
But what is a smaller metric that leads to that that you want to have?
What's the biggest breakthrough that you want to have in the next five weeks?
Maybe you want to date differently.
Maybe so you want to start getting dates.
You want people to be attracted to you.
Maybe you don't want to have the attachment style that you've had.
You know, for those of you that already do the reading homework,
maybe you want to change your screen.
Maybe you want to change your screen.
Maybe you want to change your scripts because, you know,
you've been reading the wrong scripts and you need to change that.
So why don't you go ahead and share who you are, where you're from,
and what is the biggest breakthrough that you want to have?
All right. So let me go ahead and get these breakout rooms going.
And to put three to four people in a room.
I think that's going to be perfect.
You guys, don't over talk.
You're only going to be in this breakout room for eight minutes,
so everyone needs to go pretty quick, OK?
All right, when it pops up on your screen,
hit Yes to go into the breakout room, and here we go.
All right, we're coming back from our breakout rooms.
I hope all of you guys met at least one person
that you had a little bit of a connection with.
Like, hey, I'd like to be their friend.
I'd like to get to know them better.
Hey, maybe later on during the book club,
we can get on a phone call.
Maybe we can get together, live close together.
We can't hear you, Jackie.
No sound.
Jackie, your mic's unmuted.
Yeah, it's weird, because I'm not supposed to.
I'm running my audio and video through a whole different thing,
so it just doesn't work.
My audio and video through a whole different thing,
so it shouldn't be muting me.
Can everyone hear me now?
Yes.
All right, welcome back from breakout.
Hopefully everyone met someone that they
would like to get to know better.
Hey, I could be that person's friend.
Hey, maybe that person could be part of my relationship
advisory circle later.
Who knows?
I just know that it's not random,
the people that we get assigned in these groups,
these breakout rooms.
So pay attention, because you might meet your future BFF
in these groups.
In last year's single, we've had people become housemates.
Obviously, same gender people.
We've had people become housemates.
We've had people be bridesmaids at each other's weddings,
groomsmen at each other's weddings.
We have had all kinds of things happen
within these communities as we have given people space
to get to know each other.
I'm going to start the teaching segment for tonight.
So everyone that maybe you just joined today,
so you haven't done your homework,
you have some catching up to do.
So in the app, you're going to see there is a place.
In that place, there is a thing called Courses.
And under the Courses, there's just
my little head, little old me, Jackie D.
You're going to hit that.
And when you open that, you're going to see the welcome video,
the instructions for the book club,
the Modern Dating Sucks e-book.
And then you're going to see the Week 1 homework.
You're going to click on Week 1 homework.
You can download the worksheet.
That is part of Week 1's homework.
I'm going to go ahead and answer this question now,
because we had this question a lot in last month's book club.
Every single week does not have a worksheet.
Some weeks have a worksheet.
Some don't.
But in your reading assignment in the book,
whether you have the physical copy
or you're just using the e-book copy that we provided you,
there's work.
There's questions at the end of every chapter.
Why is that?
Because I told you at the beginning,
when I first started talking, that I
don't believe in just teaching or lecturing.
I believe in activation.
The only way that you're going to learn anything
is if you actually activate it yourself.
So there's going to be questions.
Don't sleep on those questions.
In fact, get yourself a little journal just for the book club
and write in it the answers to those questions
at the end of all those chapters.
Almost every single portion of the book
has some sort of activity to do.
Why did I do that?
Because I want to keep you engaged.
If you're just reading, yeah, you
might like what you're reading.
You might not like what you're reading.
If at every juncture, there's an activity where
you're asked to do that activity before moving forward
in the book, then it's going to cause you to begin to think.
It's going to cause you to begin to download some information.
For those of you that are spiritual people,
you're going to start to have intuition
about those parts of your life.
It's really important that you do this work, OK?
Now, if you sleep on that work and you just
want to show up and just have Jackie teach you something,
you're missing out.
Because that is the work that's actually
going to help you get out of your own way
and get out of God's way and step into your love story.
Because I'm about to tell you something in just a second
that I hope sticks.
This is going to be the biggest revelation
of this whole book club.
In just a minute, I'm going to release it over you.
But I'm going to continue to give you
a few more instructions.
a few more things that I'm going to share with you.
So you're gonna see your homework assignment,
I'm going to give you a few more things that I'm
the reading assignment,
then some of the questions are gonna be repeated here
in the PDF that is under your homework for the week.
Now you notice you don't see week two
or week three or four or fives homework.
You don't see the reading assignment.
You don't see the worksheet.
You wanna know why?
Because I don't want you to work ahead.
There's enough to do
just to do what you've already been assigned.
This isn't a race.
You don't get a cookie if you get to the finish line first.
In fact, you probably wouldn't have given yourself
time to process.
If I would have given you all the curriculum,
you would have just ran ahead,
kinda, you know,
half butt the whole thing, right?
If you're gonna do it, do it with your whole butt.
Please.
Do it, do it all the way.
Because if you're not gonna go all the way, why go at all?
And so make sure, yeah, whole butted.
Whole butted, that's right.
Yes, have you guys seen that meme that says,
I would say that I love you with my whole heart,
but my butt is much bigger than my heart.
So I think that's funny.
All right, am I a little off color?
Yes.
Will you be offended by that?
If you're super religious or prude, yeah, probably.
I'm probably gonna say some things that offend you.
And if that's so, then sorry, not sorry.
Okay, so we're gonna go forward into tonight's teaching.
Everything is in the app.
You can't work ahead of time, you can't go faster,
then we're gonna let you go.
Please make sure that you do everything
that is under your homework tab for that week
so that you don't rob yourself of some revelation,
the whole revelation that God wants you to have
and the reason why you're here in the first place.
All right, so let's talk about going over
a few of the high points of this week's reading assignment
and this week's materials and curriculum.
Here's the number one revelation
that is going to set you free if you get ahold of it
in this book club.
It's not entirely you, it's the system.
A lot of you think that you're single
because of some reason, okay?
Whether it's there's no good men left on the earth,
there's no good women left on the earth,
it's because you're too old, you're too young,
you've been too married before.
For those of you that have been married once or twice
or three or four or five times,
you have too many kids from those marriages.
Some of you think that you're too fat, you're too skinny,
you're too short, you're too tall,
you're too bald, gentlemen.
I promise you, none of those reasons
are the reasons that you're single.
You know why?
Because I've seen 1,600 plus love stories
and those people are all tall, short, fat,
skinny, old, young, good looking,
maybe not so great looking
as far as conventional attractiveness goes, right?
What else?
They have been married before,
they have been divorced and remarried
and divorced, some of them.
I had one success story of a lady who was married four times.
I know you're like, wait, what?
Yes, that's a lot of times, but guess what?
She kept making the same mistake.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
And you know why?
Because she wasn't allowing anyone
to really speak into her love life.
She was going it solo.
She was making those decisions based on her own intuition,
based on what she thought about that person,
based on what she could see or couldn't see.
And obviously, she had a lot of blind spots, didn't she?
Because she actually ended up married for four times
to the exact same person.
I mean, not literally the same person,
but you know, same kind of personality,
same kind of dynamics, same kind of attachment style.
And then she came into my program,
back then it was called Bride Boot Camp.
She came into my program and she cleared off the heart lens.
We cleared out the blind spots.
She started seeing things differently,
and then she started showing up differently.
So whatever reason it is that you think you're single,
there might be some of that,
meaning that you might have some heart work to do.
You might have to clear off the heart lens a little bit.
But even if you have heart work to do, which we all do,
there's probably no one here
that doesn't have some filters on,
that doesn't need to do a little heart work.
Okay, that's fine.
But that's still not the reason why you're single.
You're single because we're living in a broken system.
And unless you know how to make this system work for you,
a lot of people are gonna stay single.
People always wanna show up and say,
Jackie, can you guarantee that God has a love story for me?
I can guarantee.
that everybody who wants a relationship,
wants a marriage, can be in a marriage, a good one.
I can guarantee that.
I can guarantee that everyone who wants one
could have one.
But, here's the big but, okay?
We're talking a lot about big buts tonight for some reason.
Okay, here's the big but.
The big but is you may have to do things
that you're actually not right now
currently aware of or willing to do.
You're not aware of them,
so you can't even say yes or no to it
because you're not even aware what you need to change.
Or, you are aware and you are right now
not willing to do that thing, whatever that thing is.
It doesn't matter what it is, okay?
So my prayer for you is that during this book club,
your heart would be willing to be made willing.
Because what happens is is that when we
don't understand that we're not living in the 1890s,
where you're just gonna marry someone
from your farming community.
That's what's gonna happen.
Right?
And God forbid that you live during one of the World Wars
where they were sending all the boys to war
and a lot of them weren't coming back.
What's gonna happen?
And in fact, can I just go ahead and go there?
There is a, there's a verse for those of you that are,
you know, I know we probably have people
at all different levels of spirituality here.
Some people, Christians, some people are not.
In fact, let me just see who I'm talking to tonight
because I know I have a lot of people
from Instagram that joined.
If you would consider yourself spiritual
and a Christian specifically,
can you go ahead and put me in the chat
or raise your hand so I can see who that is?
And if you're not, and you're not saying yes to this,
you're still in the right place.
This book club is for marriage-minded singles.
It doesn't matter what your religious affiliation is.
Okay?
I hope that you're at least spiritual
if you've joined this book club
because we are gonna talk about a lot of spiritual concepts
because you're not just a body.
You're not.
Okay, don't dumb yourself down like that.
You're not a body.
You're a soul and a spirit that lives in a body.
You're really a spirit that lives in a body
that possesses a soul.
And that soul is that heart part,
that mind, will, and emotions part of you.
It's the epicenter.
It's the memory bank.
It is master control.
It's that place where all of the memories,
good, bad, and ugly are being stored.
Okay, that's your soul part of you.
All right, so it looks like most everyone,
well, I only have 20 hands up.
I have 20 hands up, but I have a lot of comments
in the chat that yes, yes, me, me, me, me, me.
Okay, great.
So for those of you that do ascribe to Christianity,
I'm also a Christian.
All right, just so you know.
And I have been a minister.
I have been a social worker.
I have been in some kind of business ministry for 30 years.
Okay, so I have a lot of rodeos that I've been to,
a lot of t-shirts, a lot of mugs.
And I will tell you, there's a scripture in the Bible
that's in Isaiah.
It's Isaiah chapter four, actually.
And it talks about how in that day,
it's talking about a day in time.
In that day, seven women will grab a hold of one man
and they will say, you don't even have to give us your name.
You don't have to even give us any provision, I'm sorry.
You don't have to give us any bread.
We just want your name.
Give us your name.
We don't need you to provide for us.
We'll get our own bread.
And I have recently seen, you know,
some Christians out there, some well-meaning,
I'm sure Bible teachers, some dating coaches,
even a dating coach using that specific scripture
to explain why so many people are single
and going on to say that there's a shortage of men.
Okay, just in general.
Because there are so many men that are unhealthy.
There's so many men that are gay.
There's so many men that are incarcerated.
There's so many men that yada, yada, shish, boom, bada.
Okay?
And I just want to let you guys know
that you can't just read the Bible.
You have to read the Bible.
And I personally am tired of seeing people
take scriptures out of context
and apply them to things
that are really breaking people's hearts, like singleness.
So I just want to let you guys know
that Isaiah chapter four
is not about your current dating life, okay?
It's about a war that was going on back in Isaiah's time.
Isaiah was a prophet,
in case y'all don't know who that was.
And there was a war that was going on.
If you read the chapter.
Before chapter 4 it talks about the war and it talks about how all the young men were being killed in battle
And then it goes on to say because what because all the men were killed in battle the young men
There's going to be a shortage during this timeline during in this place in this people group
There's going to be seven women. He's kind of prophesying doom and gloom
He's saying yep, y'all disobeyed you did some crazy stuff because of that now you're under siege
There's a war a bunch of your men are gonna die
Then women are gonna be like grabbing on to one man seven of y'all saying give us your name. Give us your name
Okay, this is not trying to explain why Brad from hinge didn't text you back
Okay, this doesn't have anything to do with that at all
This has to do with the day in time that you do not live in. That's a long time ago
Okay, so we're not going to create theology to explain away our pain
Yes, we're in pain. A lot of you have started to feel very hopeless about your love life
And that's why you're here
But I'm here to tell you that it's not you as the system and I also want to tell you that you can beat the
System because I went into research mode when I saw some of these scriptures being shared and you know what I found out
I found out according to the census you guys know what the census is, right?
It also it started in the 1870s. I believe it's that little questionnaire that you get that you're supposed to
Answer, otherwise, it's punishable by law. You're supposed to answer it accurately and honestly how many people live in your house?
What are their ages? What are their genders? Are they married or unmarried blah blah blah
Okay, according to the census
In America, and I know some of you are foreign and I'll have to research your country as well
Canada Germany, I think I saw Singapore on here, but if you're in America
There is
75 million
Single Christian men left and you know what you just need one you just need one
You just do that's all you need you just need one
Okay, and gentlemen the number for women was very very near the same
Okay, and there's some areas of the country where the men outnumber women 14 to 1 ladies
Ladies, you might be living in the wrong place
And remember how I just said just a few minutes ago
there could be some information that you need in order to beat the system and
There could be some decisions that you need to make in order to beat the system
Some of you have have and we're gonna get to non-negotiables really soon
but some of you have put some preferences on your non-negotiable list and
Those line items are actually keeping you single because it's kind of a perfect storm
For instance, you might say never will I ever date someone younger than me? Is that the hill you're gonna die on?
ladies
Gentlemen, you might say never will I ever date someone older than me or marry someone older than me?
Is that the hill you're gonna die on? Okay, cuz I'm just gonna tell you right now. I'm 51 and
I'm still looking fine. All right, so just because ladies get older doesn't mean that they get older
There's people that take care of themselves
There's people that can be your flavor of ice cream regardless of the number on their birth certificate
They can be attractive to you. They can have the attributes that you need and want they can
But if you have it in your mind that everyone over a certain age is washed up
Everyone over a certain age ladies. I've seen this so many times
He's not single anymore, but I had a straight-up Boaz
In my matchmaking pool that I tried to matchmake for ever
But ladies wouldn't even talk to him because he was over 70 years old
Just so you know Boaz in the Bible was 81 years old. Okay, and so
These ladies would show up. These are the same ladies that would show up be like my Boaz was my Boaz
I just wanna just want to meet my Boaz
Right and I'm like well here he is and they're like he's old I'm like, yeah Boaz was old
He was an old ass. All right, and Ruth was 41 years old in that story. There's a 40 year age gap friends
It's a hypergamous marriage. You know what that means? That means it was a transactional marriage
he gave her the lineage that she needed to be legitimate because remember she was a Moab and then she
Gave him children because she was young still
she
Hypergamous transactional situation going on there. So
Telling me that you want that. Anyway, he was single forever
Even though he ran three to four miles a day. He was super fit. He was super healthy. He was a widower
he was a
Husband of one wife for like 30 something years good husband great father great relationship with his children his grandchildren
And finally, he's marrying a beautiful wonderful woman, but for a long time it took me forever
So you might have some sort of line item in your life some sort of block in your heart in your mind
That is this system is is
overextending you because of it
This system that we're in it's broken you guys. It's messed up and
If it's messed up and you're also messed up in your heart because you got all kinds of prejudices
You can't marry someone of a different race. I had this one student. I loved her so much. She was my matchmaking student
I was coaching her. I introduced a match made her with this really amazing guy that lived, you know in her city
Just like a 30-minute train ride away. She was in New York City. Okay, they had so much in common
He was very attracted to her
He started, you know coming and seeing her and all the different things and she told me
That it was getting serious and that they were really liking each other a lot and then she said but I just don't know if
I can marry him because
He's and he is a different race than her
Okay, I
Know I'm gonna share the races. They're not what you think they are. I'm just gonna tell you that there's all different races
You know, one of them was Indian and one of them wasn't okay
And so let me tell you what happened in this story. I got on a coaching call with her
I'm like, what do you mean? I was like, what why are you attracted to him? Oh, yeah
Okay, what's the problem?
Well, well my father wouldn't like it. I said girl
You're 62 years old. Is your daddy even alive?
No, no, he died years ago. What are we talking about here? What are we talking about?
What are we even doing?
And you guys can laugh at these stories, but you have something goofy and crazy. That's holding you back to you
I was like, what do you mean? Your daddy isn't even alive. She says yeah, but I know what he would think of it. What?
What come on
Come on
I'm just gonna say it plainly. I love y'all
But if you're if you're family members that are not even alive or racist you why you gotta perpetuate that
Just telling you we're in one big melting pot here
And you know, maybe this is the way that we become one big beautiful nation of people and not just in America
But just in heaven is that we just start
All the things if you can't receive that you can't receive that maybe it goes on your non-negotiable because you're like, nope
Nope. Nope. I got to do it this way. All right, but I'm gonna tell you the system is working against you
You know the casino
The house always wins, doesn't it?
The house always wins and we're gonna talk about how these dating apps were made
Be in the in the psychology of casinos, especially slot machines. We're gonna talk about that and
It's gonna be crazy for you. So the system is working against you guys. It really is ever since what ever since
Industrialization when people moved out of their little communities their farming communities or agricultural communities
They moved from their neighboring farms where they knew people the same people the same
Families all of their lives for generations the same families think Jane Austen
Okay, think 1800s and early 1900s literature and then what happened cities started happening. That's what happened
Industrialization happened
That's what happened and people left their little rural communities and they went into the city who went into the city young people
Right about the age when they would have been getting married
They went into the cities and they worked at factories. They worked in shops. And this is where the first date started
This is what we call dating. This is where it started
just so you know for those of you that hate dating this is how it happened a
Guy asking a woman out, especially someone who doesn't know your family a
Stranger asking out a stranger. This is where it started
Guys paying for women on dates
This is where that started too and you know why it started because the girls that worked in the shops did not make a livable
wage
Yes, they lived in the city, but they didn't make a livable wage the guys that worked in the factories made a livable wage
It's just the way it was back then something called parody women didn't make the same amount
there was a huge wage gap back in those days and
So in order for a girl to go to the picture show to go to the restaurant to go to the dance
She had to have a male escort not because she had to have a male escort
But because she needed someone to pay her way. Do you understand me?
Guys, this is where it started
This is history, if you don't like it,
take it up with history.
So all of you ladies that are like,
oh, you know, the guy has to be chivalrous
and that's why men pay.
No, no, that's not why men paid.
Men paid because they wanted the girls to go with them
and the girls didn't have any money.
So that's why they started paying.
So here's the thing.
If you're on a date with a guy
and you know there's not gonna be a second date
because you would rather kiss your brother
than the guy that you're on a date with,
you need to Venmo him for the other half of your dinner,
okay, don't make him pay.
Now he might not let you,
even if you're not attracted to him
and even if it's not gonna be a second date or a love story,
he may, because he thinks it's being a gentleman
and he thinks it's chivalrous, he may go ahead and pay.
And are there women out there that take advantage
of this whole men have to pay?
Yes, I personally have experienced women
that I have worked with and I no longer work with
that would not go even on a first date
that wasn't the most expensive steakhouse,
that wasn't the most planned out expensive date.
And I was like, Felicia, bye, seriously.
I can't work with you
because I don't work with people like that.
But I've run into lots of ladies like that
so don't think that they don't exist because they do.
I've also worked with some men who think
that when they pay for dinner,
that means there needs to be a little dessert afterwards,
if you know what I'm talking about.
And I don't work with them either, right?
All of them voted off the island for sure.
So welcome to the island, don't make me vote you off,
but understand that this is the system
that you've been left with.
Okay, so that gave way to the World Wars.
All the men went off to war,
the girls moved from the shops to the factories,
they worked in the factories.
After the wars were over, World War I and II,
there was a huge reset that happened.
Do you know what the reset was called?
The 1950s.
Do you guys know the 1950s?
The movies, the television shows,
the housewives vacuuming in their pearls and high heels?
That was a reset trying to get everybody back
in their place, in their lane.
Men back at work, women back in the home,
raising children, everybody smiling and happy.
But you guys, the damage had been done.
Families had already been broken.
Too many people had already married
into strange families and strangers
and all different types of things.
People were lost at war.
Women had seen what it was like to be out of the house.
Woo-hoo, we're not going back.
There was all kinds of stuff going on during those days.
And of course, the movies and the shows
make it seem like the golden age and everyone's happy.
You know how we know that's not true?
The 60s and 70s.
That's how we know it's not true.
The young people are always the litmus test.
They're always the barometer of what's really happening.
They're like, we're not living like that.
We actually want birth control.
We want abortion on demand.
We want divorce on demand.
And so that gave way to where we are now.
Dating became a hobby.
It became recreational.
Enter the 80s and 90s,
the sitcoms of the 2000s, Seinfeld, Friends,
Sex and the City, everything telling us dating is fun.
Being single is fun.
Don't get married.
Don't settle.
There's endless options out here.
Then enter dating apps.
They came in right at the beginning,
right there in the 90s,
right when we were starting to be fed all of this propaganda
and then people were digitally meeting people,
outsourcing their love life to an algorithm.
Once again, endless options like Baskin Robbins.
What flavor are you looking for?
Nobody's good enough.
And that is how we got where we are.
That's how we got where we are.
So the system is broken.
It is.
But you know what's not broken?
God's divine design,
his original design for men and women.
That's not broken, you guys.
It's not.
God still created us for each other
and we're better together.
Let me go back to some scripture.
It says that man was created for God
and woman was created for man.
It says that we were created in his image.
Male and female, he made us in his image.
And then he put us together because we're better together.
It wasn't good for man to be alone.
Solitary is what that word really means.
Where?
In creation, in God's divine plan.
It wasn't good for man to be solitary in God's divine plan.
He needed a partner.
He needed a one that's like him, a helpmate.
And so enter woman and then we have man and woman
and then we have the beautiful verse that says,
what God has joined together, let nothing ever separate.
right
But then we see that there's a curse and there's a this and there's a that and all the things come into play and
Friends the system the broken system is really just that playing out. And so if you really really want to get
Over on the system if you want to beat the house at its own game
You're going to have to redeem your mindset. You can't think like it you have to think
different than it
And you're like Jackie, what are you talking about?
I'll tell you what I'm talking about
if you believe in divine design you believe that men and women are better together and you believe that God has a spirit mate for
You and if you believe that you've been hardwired to want
Marriage and family because it's God's maturity plan for mankind and there's someone out there
Probably, you know many someones that you could partner with and you could further your lineage and legacy with if you believe all that
Then you have to stop taking a page from the playbook of culture about your love life
You have to stop watching the rom-coms. You have to stop reading the
dumb books
They tell you how to ladies manipulate men seduce men
Capture them trap them essentially and gentlemen, you have to stop reading from the playbook of you have to have it all together
You have to become the man that ones the woman. I'm just gonna let you know something
from the very beginning of time God said that it wasn't complete for you to be alone and
So you cannot become the man that God has created you to be
Without the help of your spirit mate. And so instead of trying to build some Empire without her
Why don't you build an empire with her?
Why don't you realize that you need her to go further than you are instead of thinking that you have to go further than you
Are in order to deserve her or earn her
That's actually not the way it works
So it's important that you guys we come out of whatever it is the stinking thinking that you are
So let's look at these scripts real quick. So what happened?
all of this happened and
Depending on where you were raised and what shows you grew up watching and what narrative was told to you by your parents
maybe not their words but by their actions by the love stories that you saw all around you of your aunts and uncles and
Grandparents and parents the other people around you your siblings. They grew up. They got married
Who knows the shows you like to watch?
Whatever those things were that you started getting inundated with maybe you grew up in religion where you had to kiss dating
Goodbye, and you weren't allowed to date. It was purity culture and it was like, oh, you know
I can't do anything until God gives me the one person that he picked out for me before the
Beginning of time you guys that math doesn't math
That doesn't Matt doesn't math if even one person decides to go a wall to go rogue and to pick someone besides the person
That God picked for them then everybody else's person is now
sabotaged
There can't just be one person for every person because then
What happens what happens if you have your person and then they pass away? Do you not get another person?
This is one of the reasons why people stay in abusive relationships for so long like marriages when they should have gotten out ten years ago
They don't get out because they're like, I don't get another one. This is the only one I get
I got to make sure that I just stay here no matter what
No
That's not the way it works you guys in different seasons of your life
There's going to be people that would be a great match for you in different seasons of your life
If you had gotten if you had been in a place in a mindset where you would get married in your 20s
and you would understand what we're gonna teach during this book club about what to look for for
Compatibility and for long-term growth and you would get married, you know
whatever in your 20s the person that you would marry in that decade of your life and
Let's say you weren't ready. Really you didn't know you hadn't done the work
You didn't get married to your 30s. You didn't get married to your 40s
You didn't get married to your 30s. That's not the same person
Say you waited now you're in your 40s
I know one of you at least is 46 years old and never married because you wrote to me you wrote to me on my
Instagram the person that you would have marriage in your 20s and the person that you would marry your 40s not the same person
not the same
People that get married really young. This is why when you get married young you have to make a commitment to grow
together and not apart
You're saying that you're gonna love this person through all the different versions of them
That happen as they get older and I know some people who have done that. Well, they got married at 18
they're now in their 50s and
They have radically changed over the course of that time
But they have grown together and not apart and I see other people that get married young that don't even make
get two decades in because they start changing a lot,
they start growing apart instead of together,
then they just show up one day thinking,
I don't know this person, I don't love this person,
and then they end up divorced.
Regardless of what age you are right now,
there is someone that matches your calling,
your destiny, your mindset, someone you can grow with,
someone you can build with right now.
And it may not have been the same person
that it would have been five years ago.
And why am I saying this?
Because a lot of you think you missed the boat,
you missed your person.
You dated someone in your 20s and 30s,
you're like, dang it, I should have married them.
You know, I missed my chance, they were my person,
and now it's over because they married someone else.
You guys, that's not real.
Please stop with that.
Could you have done something with that person?
Could you have built with them?
Could you have had a good marriage with them?
I don't know, I don't know them,
and I don't know you.
But I'm telling you that if you didn't do that,
you did not miss out on your only chance at love.
That's why you gotta stop watching these dumb movies.
Will you please stop watching these dumb movies?
I mean, if you're gonna watch them for entertainment value,
and you can take off the ideas
that you get from those movies,
if you understand that it's fiction, that it's fantasy,
then fine, if you wanna be entertained.
But a lot of you can't.
A lot of you are allowing that to become a script.
Okay, so let's talk about our scripts.
So there were five scripts that I named,
and you can be any hybrid of these scripts.
You can be something that's akin to one of these scripts.
It's not necessarily exactly the script, but it's similar.
And they're the fairy tale script,
the chill girl or passive guy script,
the scarcity script, the independent script,
or the passive faith script, okay?
The fairy tale script, intensity equals destiny.
It's all about chemistry.
If it's not dramatic, it must not be love.
It's all about reading the signs.
It's all about immediate knowledge that they're the one, okay?
The chill girl or passive guy script
is you abandoning your own needs
just so you can be easygoing enough
for this person to like you.
You're easy to choose.
You don't cause any problems.
You don't push back.
There's no conflict.
You're just going with the flow.
You're letting them drive the bus.
They're gonna take you wherever they wanna take you, okay?
The scarcity script are all the good ones are taken,
so I better just go ahead and settle for this one.
I gotta hang on.
I gotta make it work.
I can't mess it up because there's no more
where this is coming from.
The independent script is I don't need anyone.
I'm fine.
If I'm never married, that's fine.
I never have to be married.
I'm just gonna be fine by myself.
Intimacy is risky anyway,
so if anyone wants to be with me,
then they're gonna have to be amazing, like beyond amazing.
They're gonna have to make me want to give up
my amazing single life just to be with them, all right?
The passive faith script is if it's meant to happen,
it will.
I don't have to do anything to make it happen
because if it's God's will for me,
then he is the one that will do it, okay?
Those are just brief little descriptions.
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and put you in breakout rooms,
and when you come back,
we're gonna share what your main script is,
and then also you can tell people
what your secondary script is.
If you're kind of a hybrid of a few of these scripts,
then you can share that as well, okay?
All right, let me...
All right, you guys, it's gonna pop up on your screen
if you just got on with us to join your breakout room,
and that's how you're gonna do it, all right?
And opening the rooms.
Remember, you're gonna share your scripts.
All right, welcome back.
Guys, enjoying your breakouts?
For those that are watching in replay, it's okay.
When you get to a live session,
you can go into a breakout as well,
but all we're doing in those breakouts
is just activating what we're already teaching.
Because, once again, activation is going to make it stick.
It is what is going to make it stick.
All right.
As soon as everyone gets back, I'm going to just read off a few scenarios, and I want
you to guess, of the five scripts that we have to choose from, which script is this
real-life scenario, right?
We're going to do that here in just a second.
As soon as everyone gets back, when you guys come out from breakouts, you might still be
unmuted, and so make sure that you mute, because otherwise everyone's going to hear what you're
saying at your house.
You're yelling at your dog, we're going to hear you.
You're yelling at your kids, we're going to hear you.
You got the TV in the back, watching something crazy, we're going to hear it.
Why don't you guys go ahead and put up your main one in the chat, so everyone who wasn't
in your group can see it.
Some of you are like, I'm all five of them.
All five, that's me.
I'm all five.
Okay.
We're going to do one more little thing to make everything hit home, kind of come together,
and then I'm going to talk to you a little bit about your dating autopsy, and I'm going
to send you on your way for tonight.
I think my husband might be flirting with me in the chat, y'all.
For those of you that are new and don't know our story, I actually married my next door
neighbor.
Once again, my husband does like to ask me, hey, you know, if we met each other when we
were like in high school, would you have dated me?
And the answer is absolutely not.
Okay.
This goes to show you that everybody's not the same, that everybody's not the right person
for you throughout different seasons, right?
Because in high school, first of all, I was four years younger.
So he would have been in college when I was coming into ninth grade.
So right there would have been a disconnect.
And secondly, he was kind of like, he got best dressed in his high school.
He got best dressed and he was like a golf guy.
And that just wouldn't have been my guy.
I'm telling you, when I was a teenager, that just wouldn't have been, that wouldn't have
been my thing.
He was a real churchy boy.
Remember, I wasn't, I didn't go to church.
I didn't, I didn't meet Jesus.
I didn't have my Christianity experience until I was in my twenties.
And so there's a lot of reasons why we really not, we really wouldn't have been a match.
You guys see that?
It's just different reasons, different seasons of time.
So once again, please don't think that you've missed your boat.
You cannot miss your boat.
You are the captain of that boat.
It is not going to sail without you.
All right.
So stop, just come out of all of this belief system that's got you stuck.
And we're not going to stop talking about that.
So don't be afraid.
Like Jackie, talk more about that.
Don't worry.
We're going to talk about non-negotiables versus preferences as a whole teaching.
We're going to talk about all different types of things, but I want to really give some
examples of these scripts.
So I'm going to read you guys some scenarios and then I want you to put in the chat which
script you think it is.
Want to play?
Okay, let's do it.
Aaron, now if any of these names are your name, don't get your panties in a wad, okay?
We didn't do this with you in mind.
It's just random.
Aaron has been on three dates with somebody she actually likes.
He texted to ask what she thought about Thai food this weekend.
Aaron loves Thai food.
Aaron hates Thai food.
Wait, what does she like?
She likes whatever he likes.
She doesn't want to seem difficult.
That Thai food sounds great, she says.
Then she sees that he texted her the restaurant link.
And she replies, that sounds wonderful.
I'm totally open to whatever you want to do." What script is Erin running? In her
life, just in general. Yeah, she just wants to be... she just wants him to think
that she's cool, right? She just wants him to think that she's like the greatest
thing. Wow, this girl likes everything that I like. This girl wants to do
everything that I want to do. This girl never has an opinion that's not the
same as mine. Um, there's your first clue. There's no such thing as that. And trust
me, that kind of relationship for a man would get so boring. I will tell you, as a
matchmaker and a dating coach, chill girls are fun to hang out with for a
while, but they very rarely get chosen by the guy they're being chilled with...
chill with and get married. Because men like a challenge. I'm not saying that he
wants a woman who's always arguing with him and always causing conflict. That's
not what I mean. Men like women to have their own thoughts, their own feelings.
You know, they want a challenge. They want some mystery. They don't want someone
just going along with them like a little lemming all the time. They don't. It's not
hot. Okay, the nice guy or the passive guy, right? Same thing, John. Women don't want
that. Men think that women want that. It's just like, oh, well, I don't want to, you
know, I'm just gonna be the nice guy. I'm gonna be the gentle guy. I'm gonna be the
guy that does all the things that the other men didn't. You know, well, yeah, but
you're probably gonna get friend-zoned. That's probably what's gonna happen
there. All right, let me read you another one. Marcus has been single for four
years. When his sister offered to set him up with her co-worker, he said, if God
wants me to meet someone, he knows where I live. I don't need to be running around
forcing things. He prays for a wife every single night before he goes to bed, and
he hasn't had a single conversation with any woman this year. Who's Marcus? And I
know a lot of Marcus's, both male and female, lots of them. God knows where I
live. If he wants me to be married, he knows what to do. He knows where to bring
them. I don't want to force it. I don't want to make it happen. I don't want to
strive. I don't want to get in God's way. You're already in God's way. This kind of
thinking is in God's way, because it's ridiculous. You might think it's biblical,
but it's not. Faith without action is dead religion. That's what the scripture
says. Okay? All right. So he's running, all of you got it, passive faith. He's
spiritualizing doing nothing. Right? He's not taking action. And this is even worse.
Gentlemen, this is even, this is a script that's even worse for men to be running.
Can anyone tell me why we think this is worse for a man to actually be running
this script than a woman? Why is it worse for a man to be running it? Right? Because
it's hardwired in men's DNA to initiate. The masculine is an initiator. The
masculine is a leader. And so if men are just kind of sitting around twiddling
their thumbs, waiting for God to drop a woman out of the sky on their head, then
we got a real problem. Okay. All right. Let me read another one.
Tara met someone on Saturday, but by Sunday they had already texted for nine
straight hours. Come on. Some of you have done this. You went on a date and you
stayed on the date for 12 hours. You went on a marathon date. And by the end of
the day, you're like, Oh my gosh, it feels like I've known them all my life. Okay.
By Tuesday, she was telling her best friend that this was her husband. Some of
you are guilty of this. So don't be laughing at Tara. This is you. You are
Tara. Tara is you. Let's be honest. This is the one. I can feel it. This is it.
This is it. By Friday, they had already said, I love you. But her friends are
concerned. Sorry. Her friends are concerned. Tara thinks they just don't
understand because she can feel the destiny. They are just meant to be
together. Right? If it's this intense, it has to be my soulmate. What do we got?
Someone just said therapy. Just therapy. I can tell that this book club is gonna
be a live wire. I really can tell. We're gonna have a lot of fun. Okay. Fairy
Tale. That's right. He'll be gone by month three. He should be gone by month
three, Amy, because otherwise she gonna be in a bad
marriage, right? Okay. Very funny. Very funny. Okay. Let's do a couple more. All right. Brent.
Let's do a guy. Brent has been talking to someone for two months. She is okay. She's
okay. She's not great. She's not his dream girl. Last week, she said something at dinner
that hurt his feelings and he didn't say anything because he keeps thinking, what if I let her
go and there isn't someone better? I'm 30. I'm what does that say? I'm I'm 60. No, sorry.
I think it says, I think it says 39. I'm 39. The dating pool isn't exactly overflowing.
Maybe this is what's realistic at my age. What we got? What we got? What script is he
running? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Scarcity. Does anyone see themselves in that one? They're
okay. They're okay. What? Okay. Jordan went on three dates with a man who treats her well,
communicates clearly, and is direct about wanting a marriage minded relationship. After
date three, she said, I'm going to break it off. I don't need a relationship to feel complete.
I love my life. Why would I let someone disrupt that? Her sister asked one question. When was
the last time you actually let someone get close to you and Jordan couldn't remember?
Who does that sound like? Anyone in here rowing that boat with Jordan? You guys are right. It's
the independent script. Self-sufficiency, you guys. Hyper independence is a heart wound. Just
so you know. And here's the thing. Someone can be really great and you're still not going to let
them in because you're just afraid that if you let them in, then they're not going to be so great.
And or you're going to have to change your life. Can I tell you something? If you want to get
married, you're going to have to change your life. I don't care how good your life is. If you get
married, you're going to have to change your life. You're going to have to make room for another
person, for their habits, for their schedule, for their desires and dreams and wants. You're going
to have to lose pieces of yourself in order to come together with another person and vice versa.
Now that only doesn't work if only one person is compromising. One person is losing pieces of
themselves and the other person isn't. That is very imbalanced. But both of you will have to
make room physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially for the
other person. I unfortunately had a match that I was part of. They were great together. They were
great for... they were great until they weren't great. And you know when they weren't great?
The woman had been single all of her life and now she was in her mid to late 40s. She was getting
married. This is her first marriage. In fact, it was her first really serious relationship and she
had an abundant and a very satisfying single life. But she wanted to be married. She had lots of
friends. She had lots of activities. She had lots of community. She had lots of goals and dreams. She
was an entrepreneur. She had all kinds of things going on. And y'all, I saw the trouble on the
horizon during premarital coaching. I saw it because she was like, you know, I'm gonna need
my quiet time. I'm gonna need my alone time. I'm gonna need time to go out with my friends. She
already wasn't inviting him to things that she just wanted to go by herself to. Just I saw it.
And so we had this conversation that I'm having with you guys right now. Because a lot of you,
you bemoan being single. You're like, oh I don't want to be single. But you also really love your
single life and it's going to be hard to change it. And it's going to have to change. Parts of it
will. So anyway, they get married and it starts immediately. Immediately. After the honeymoon,
immediately she doesn't want him moving all of his stuff into her house. She only wants him to
bring certain things. It's kind of back to when Harry met Sally in the wagon wheel coffee table.
But even worse, she doesn't even want to let him move his stuff into the house. It's like,
it's like she thought they were going to live in separate houses or something. It's like she
thought they were going to be married without cohabitating. And it was downhill from there.
She never let him into her life. She never made room for him. She never shared her life with him,
her community with him. And they're divorced now. True story. Divorced. Okay.
So for those of you that have an abundant life, you're going to have to,
you're going to have to make room. You're going to have to change.
some of your activities. You're not going to be able to do everything you did as a single, as a
married person, just so you know. Lauren has been talking to a guy who is fun, smart, and emotionally
unavailable in ways that are starting to show. Do you guys know that that doesn't show at first?
And by the way, women can be emotionally unavailable as well. He cancels often now
that they've been into this relationship for a few months. He goes quiet for days sometimes.
He has stopped making concrete plans. When her friend asked if she'd talk to him about where
this is going, Lauren laughed and said, oh, I don't want to scare him off. I'm good. I'm super
low maintenance, right? I'm basically a guy with better hair. You know, I'm like a guy. I don't
need a lot. I'm like a cat. Yeah, I don't need a lot. Just change my litter box every once in a
while. Leave out some water and food and I'll be all right.
It's possible, Justin, that the guy's an avoidant. That's true.
But remember, she's not really necessarily. She could be. She could be an anxious attacher.
She could be an anxious attacher. We're not going to get into attachment style tonight, but,
but yes. And also it could be this. I want to tell you this. If you're in a relationship with
a chill person who's not trying to rock the boat and just wants, you know, wants to act like they're
really low maintenance and they don't need a lot from you, you're going to start getting bored with
that person. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have an avoidant attachment style. You're just
going to get bored with them because they're not showing you their real self. And in a weird way,
they're kind of lying to you about who they are, aren't they? In a weird way, they're sort of
manipulating you, aren't they? And people can feel that. People can feel when you're being too
compliant. You're being too easy. You're being, you know, just vanilla ice cream. Not everyone
likes vanilla ice cream. Some people need rooty tooty rainbow fruity ice cream. That's what they
need. When I was a kid, we had slushies. You guys remember the slushie machines? And my friends
used to make a suicide. You ever had a suicide? You know what that is? I don't know why kids in
the nineties decided to make up these names, you guys. So don't be offended by it. But basically
what it means is you put a little bit of every flavor into that cup and then you drank it.
You know? So here's the thing. If you're trying to be super chill with someone who needs a suicide
slushie, then you're not going to be their cup of vodka. All right? You could be all the tea you
want. And the bottom line is, is it's really important that we understand that if you really
want to attract your spirit mate, your partner, your ride or die, you have to 100% be yourself.
Because that is what they should and need to be attracted to. All right, let's talk about our
homework. So your homework is going to be your dating autopsy. You should have already done it.
But if you didn't do it, now is your chance to do it. And we are going to share it for our shares
starting next week. So as we go into next week, the drip has started. Cheryl has opened up your
reading assignments for next week. She has opened up your worksheet for next week. Everything is
dripping. It's ready to go. You can go into the app. You can start it tonight if you want to.
But I will say this to you. We're going to start with this activation first thing the next Monday
night. Okay? We're going to share what did you find out about yourself from the dating autopsy.
For those of you that have never, you haven't had a date or you haven't been in a relationship yet,
that's okay. You're going to learn a lot from listening to other people's dating autopsies.
You know what you can do? You can do a friendship autopsy. Go ahead and write down your last couple
friendships. Did they go south? Are you still friends with them? What qualities do the friends
that you have that you really like and enjoy and feel like you can be yourself with, what qualities
do those relationships have versus the friendships that have ended or even ended badly? So if you've
never been in a romantic relationship or you've never had a date, you can do this on a different
type of relationship, a friendship. Okay? Just so you can start to get to know yourself a little
bit and how you act in relationships. Cool? All right. All right. So thank you for joining me
for the first week. We do have a bonus Facebook group if you want to join it. It is in the
resource tab in your app. So you can join it. You don't have to join it, but if you like Facebook
and you want to join that group, if you think it's easier to have community and to post,
I will answer questions.
both places. I will answer questions in the app, and I will answer questions in the Facebook group.
The only difference is in the Facebook group, you will be mixed in with all of the students
from last month's book club, because they still have one more class. So they're still all in there.
So you might meet even more new people if you want to join the Facebook group. Cool?
All right, you guys. I'm looking forward to this next four weeks together. You're going to
definitely get a lot of breakthrough, and I believe that this is going to turn into a summer
of love for all of you. Thanks for joining me. See you soon. Bye, everyone. Thank you.