I know that passing by, life is good, best I've ever felt
Get me up, somewhere new, somewhere I can find myself
Oh, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel so alive
As I reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out to the sky
I found my way, I found my way
I was in the dark, I kissed it all, but made it through the day
Cause I found my way, I found my way
In bad times, I know I'll be okay
Cause I found my way, found my way
Just because we did this work five weeks in a row
Does not mean that it sucks any less
But guess what?
Your love story doesn't have to suck
And that's why we're here
And what I want you to do right now
Is if you have something to write on
We're going to jump right in
Because we have a lot of ground to cover tonight
I want you to write this sentence
Five weeks ago, I believed this
And now I believe that
So two blanks
Five weeks ago, I believed this
And now I believe that
Okay?
So go ahead and do that real quick
Take a second to go ahead and write that down
What did you believe coming in here five weeks ago
And now you believe something different
Right?
You believe something different
So let's go ahead and do that real quick
We'll do some hi, how are you's in a minute
I just want to jump right in
Because we have a lot to do tonight
And I want to make sure that we get it all in
There's 102 of you live here
Which seems like a lot of people
Until you remember there's 240 something of you
That signed up
That's right
Only 102 of you made it to the end
Come on, let's go
Now for those of you that are going to be watching a replay
And you've been faithful to watch all the sessions and replay
Except for the session that was all breakouts
Then good for you as well
Good on you
Proud of you
All right
Five weeks ago, I believed this
Blank
Now I believe that
Go ahead and put your hand up when you're done
All right
We have quite a few hands up
All right
If you will
Put your hands down
Go ahead and post in the chat, please
Go ahead and post in the chat
Tell us
You believe this
And now you believe that
What do you got?
Just the two words
The first word is what you believed
And the second word is what you now believe
Five weeks ago
I wasted a lot of time on a man
And was scared to get back out there
Because I don't know what I would do differently
Now I feel like the next guy can be the guy
I have new tools and friends and support
I love that, Diana
What a beautiful testimony
Five weeks ago, I believed that it was mostly my fault
That I was still single
Now I believe that it's the system that is broken
Come on, Charlotte
Let's go
Although I still have some work to do on myself
Don't we all
Don't we always
Friends
When you get in marriage
That's when the real fun is going to begin
That's where you're going to really
You're going to really do some work when you get there
Okay
I believe that it would take forever
For me to find a suitable mate
Now I believe it can be sooner than I thought
I love that, Kel Bell
I believed it was hard
And now I believe it can be done
Believe it's not so hard.
All right, Janine, we'll take it.
A win's a win.
A win is a win.
It's hard to find really good.
She believed it was hard to find really good,
godly, committed men.
Cheryl did not say what she believes now,
just what she believed when she came in.
So Cheryl, we need the other half of that, babe.
I believed that I could do this journey without community.
Now I know that's a lie.
That is powerful.
You guys, these are all powerful things
that you have disengaged from,
that you've disconnected from,
that you have proven to be false,
and you've replaced those things with some amazing truth,
and I love this.
I believed dating was gonna be scary.
Now I feel peace.
Teresa, that's incredible.
Reluctant, I felt reluctant.
Now I feel more hopeful.
Lacey thought she missed her time.
How many of you, raise your hand if you believed this,
that I've missed my time.
I missed the boat.
The boat pulled out of the harbor without me,
but now she believes my time is now.
Come on, y'all.
My time is now.
Can I let you in on a little secret
about the kingdom of God?
For those of you that may not know a lot
about the kingdom of God,
that is that thing that Jesus came to earth
to talk about, to demonstrate.
There's no such thing as you missed your time.
There's no such thing as that.
It's about, do you want it?
Do you still want it?
Okay, you can have it.
Now I'm not promising it would be the same version of it
that you would have got when you were 22,
or 32, or 42, or 52,
but just because it's a different version of it,
does it have to be less than?
That's my question to you.
Just because it's a different version of it,
does it have to be less than?
Does it have to be subpar?
Does it have to be not as good?
I wasn't my husband's first wife.
Just because I wasn't his first wife,
just because I wasn't his first love,
just because he didn't meet me until he was 36 years old,
does that mean that our love story has to be less than?
Does it mean that it has to be not as good as?
No, it's great, actually.
It's powerful.
It's wonderful.
You know, nothing, no shade,
no shade to his first wife,
but my husband calls me the love of his life.
You know why?
Because I'm his wife, and I'm the love of his life,
and there isn't been another love story like ours,
because ours is the only one that's like it,
because it's ours.
Does it have to be less than?
No.
Maybe you're a widow or widower,
and you're like, yeah, you know,
I had an amazing love story, and now they're gone,
and yeah, I'm just looking for a companion.
I'm looking for a friend for the end of the world.
Doesn't have to be less than.
I don't care how amazing your mate was.
God bless them.
God, you know, not rest their soul.
God invigorate their soul in heaven.
I'm sure they're up to some shenanigans with Jesus.
I'm sure they're doing something amazing
on their next assignment,
but you're still here on earth,
and your love story, your next love story,
this love story can be just as good.
In fact, it could be a continuation.
Different person, different assignment,
but just as good, and building, and building,
and building, and building, right?
Okay.
I was unlikely that I would be married again is the lie.
Now I believe it's possible.
Karen, that's amazing.
Five weeks ago, I believe that my meeting my spirit mate
was so complicated.
Now I believe it could happen,
and I can enjoy the process.
You guys, I love these.
They're so good.
I believed I failed at dating,
and now I believe the system is broken,
and I have tools now.
Lauren has tools.
She's got the cheat codes.
You guys, you have the cheat codes.
I wanna let you know that this book is not random.
This book is full of everything
that I think a single person would need to know,
and would need to do to be successful in the year 2026.
Based on what?
Based on field work.
Based on the last six plus years
as a dating coach and a matchmaker.
Based on the last 20 something years as a matchmaker.
You guys, I saw a video tonight before I hopped on
that said there's this little town in Ireland,
and if you guys wanna go buy a ticket to Ireland,
every summer they have a matchmaking month
where all kinds of people converge
from all over Europe and even America
on this little town in Ireland to meet their match,
and this town has produced,
and this is what it said on the video,
thousands of marriages.
You know what else has produced thousands of marriages,
and you don't even need a plane ticket?
Last year single.
You don't even need a plane ticket.
We've produced thousands of marriages as well.
We've had over 1,600 people,
probably closer to 2,000 people
because we stopped counting at 1,600,
get married through our program,
through our matchmaking, through our coaching.
through our help and guess what you don't even have to go to Ireland but if
you want to go to Ireland then go to Ireland but at the same time I want to
let you know I was really pretty amazed that their testimony is is that they
spend a whole month every summer matchmaking in this town in Ireland and
people come from all over the world and they still only have a few thousand
marriages and I have that in my program right here little Jackie D and that last
year single team in Austin Texas you guys know that we're based here but our
success stories are from all over the world so I love it that made me feel
really good online dating was a good idea is what she thought the way things
are done nowadays now I believe that it's just one tool of many that's what
Catherine says Catherine said I thought you know in this modern day this is
really the only way to meet people this is the way but now I know that it's just
one tool among many tools I was the one that thought that the I was the one that
thought these things now I know a lot of people feel the same that's so beautiful
amber saying I was the one that thought all of these things but now I'm in a
whole community of people that feel the same way as I do so I know that I'm not
alone five weeks ago I believed I didn't have the strength to break ties the
long-term avoidant man who is not ready for a relationship now I believe I do
and I have come on are you getting out of the situation ship Leslie we're
cheering for you we are your own personal cheerleading corner you can do
it you can do it you can do it we want we want an update on that five weeks ago
I thought dating again would suck and I dreaded it now I'm excited and I feel
ready modern dating was hard but now I know that my community will help me find
my spirit mate five weeks ago I thought I was the problem on the apps now I know
my non-negotiables and how to look for what I desire it's now time to put the
knowledge into practice five weeks ago I didn't know what my non-negotiables were
I thought I was thought-blocking on that that's awesome five weeks ago I believe
that it would never happen but now I believe it is possible because I have
met someone she's met someone y'all we're not even inks not even dry on the
coaching it's already met someone look at that I believe there wasn't much hope
in dating now I believe I have solid tools to move forward confidence now I
believe there are good godly committed men out there and I'm ready to find him
and help others too that's Cheryl that's her second half of Cheryl's she didn't
think there was any good godly men left and now she believes that they're there
and she believes that she can be found by one of them and she can also help
others too five weeks ago I believed over functioning was helping me and now
I know it could wreck my future marriage and I have to learn to let other people
show up you guys this is beautiful this makes me literally want to tear up these
are such great testimonies five weeks ago I believe that it was mostly my fault
that I was still single now I believe it's the system that's broken okay I
already read this one Jen's just saying me too Jen saying I wrote this same
thing out too five weeks ago I believed I was afraid to get back on the dating
apps now I believe through healing Christ and community I have the strength
courage wisdom and self-love to move forward in dating for covenant marriage
Jody said I believed I was ready now I know I'm not quite as ready as I thought
but Jody you're gonna still do it afraid can I tell you guys something you're
never gonna feel fully ready you're not you're not gonna feel fully ready and so
here's my advice you have to fail forward fast as an entrepreneur that's
the same kind of advice I give to business owners and people wanting to
start businesses you're never gonna know what to tweak you're never gonna know
what to work on you're never going to know where the problem still exists
unless you go ahead and give it a shot but this is what I don't want you to do
I don't want you to be out there dating blindly I don't you'd be dating in the
dark I want you to be dating with witnesses but also with notes okay I
want you to be dating with notes I want you to write down remember the dating
autopsy that we did in week one I want you to be doing an autopsy on all of
your dates from now on you're like Jackie that's a lot of work do you want
to find out where the pattern is you might have you might have found the
pattern in this book club but you're really gonna see it when you get back
out there because now you have the tools to recognize it so I want you to do an
autopsy I want you to ask yourself hey am I running a script here you know am I
believing something about this that's not true okay we're gonna get into the
structure tonight the structure that beats chaos we're gonna get into that
tonight and talk more about what should you be doing when you you've met someone
interesting that you want to get to know better what should you be doing for the
first six the first 30 days
The first 60 days, the first 90 days,
we're gonna talk about that.
Let's see, Todd says,
I thought it was my fault that I'm still single,
but it's the lack of community in the village.
It's all about strong Christian community.
Yes, friends, it's all about family and community.
And when I say family,
I don't mean the family that you were born into,
I mean the family of God.
This entire life is about the family of God.
It's about getting into proximity to people
who have the solutions to your problems.
Not just your love life.
Can I meddle a little bit?
Am I allowed to meddle?
I'm gonna meddle.
God has created us to prosper.
And so if you've surrounded yourself by community
that's not prospering, you're not in the right community.
In their health, in their wealth,
in their attitudes, in their relationships.
I don't care if you go to a church
that's like us four and no more.
All right, you need to get out of there.
It needs to be us three, let it be.
All right, just the three of them,
because you're the fourth and you left.
You're out the door.
Four is out the door.
That's because you're not growing there.
If you're not growing, then you're not in the right place.
If you've been going to the same spiritual community
and you've been being fed by the word of God
and you're still broke and sick and lonely after 20 years,
then you're not in the right place.
Now, is it their responsibility
for you to change your life, to take action,
to not let faith be dead?
Dead religion?
Faith without action is dead religion?
No, but if you're surrounded by people
that have the same problems as you,
you're all sitting there together with the same problems,
little crabs in the bucket, keep pulling each other down,
you're in the wrong place.
You've gotta get into a place
where people are doing much better than you.
People are thriving, they're prospering.
They're not in debt, okay?
They're able to fulfill some dreams of their heart.
They have really abundant relationships.
They're not perfect people,
but they're people that are growing, that are trying.
If you don't have that, God has that for you
and he wants to put you in it.
Okay, God places the solitary in family,
not just any kind of family.
Some of you might be reading that scripture wrong.
God takes the solitary, the lonely, the singular,
and places them in just any old family.
No, he places them in his family
and his family isn't just the people
who say they're his family.
His family are the people
that are doing the teachings of Jesus.
And can I tell you something?
If you are doing the teachings of Jesus, you will prosper.
You're gonna prosper.
Doesn't mean there's not gonna be any adversity.
There's always gonna be adversity,
but you're gonna prosper, you are.
You're gonna prosper, okay?
So if you've been hanging around with a lot of people
that just call themselves some kind of religion,
but they're not prospering,
it's time to find a different place to go, okay?
All right, these are so good.
I believed love was far away and would take a long time.
Now I believe this is my summer of love
and love is coming for me so soon.
Love is right around the corner for me.
Yes, girl.
I had a scarcity mentality.
Now I know my non-negotiables and I can look for them
and find the right guy and God has a guy for me.
Cherise says, me too, me too.
I believed I wouldn't get on the apps again.
Now I believe it's another tool that I can use differently
than I used it before.
Yes, Lynn.
Yes, you can.
You know how people, they always say,
hey, what app is best?
What app is best?
Tell me the winning app.
You guys, remember the apps were created like slot machines.
That's like you going to Vegas and asking around,
hey, which machine is hitting?
Which machine is hot?
Which slot machine should I play?
That's the question that you're asking
when you ask what dating app?
Can I tell you that you can meet someone on any of them?
Even Tinder, which is the booty call app.
That's what people call it.
But you know what?
I know a handful of people that have met
a serious, wonderful relationship on Tinder
and even a spirit mate and even got married.
And you're like, well, what were they doing on Tinder, Jackie?
They didn't know about any other apps.
They only knew about Tinder.
They'd only heard Tinder.
And so they downloaded it and got on there.
They were just fat, dumb, and happy.
They didn't know.
They didn't know any better.
You know?
It's about our heart, you guys.
It's not just about being in the right place
at the right time.
It's about being in the right place at the right time
with the right heart.
Where can you meet someone?
Anywhere.
Even Tinder.
That's right.
Okay.
I believed that having no experience in a past relationship.
Relationship would be my downside, but I realized after being in last year single
She's in last year single with us and in the book club. I'm equipped with great community and amazing tools and that's my edge
I'm not gonna suck at dating and hopefully I'm gonna meet my future husband
That's right
Okay, guys
All right. Those are all so good you guys. I love it so much
You guys feel that you feel those breakthroughs and there were a lot more that I didn't read and if I didn't read yours
I'm sorry. I just got to move on because we've got so many things to do. I
Want to get into the structure portion of tonight's recap?
So it was your reading homework. You should have read chapter 9 10 in the conclusion and
Chapter 9 was about structure over chaos
Who has felt like your love life your dating life specifically has just been chaotic
There's no rules you guys if you live back in the 1800s
There were rules you had to follow rules
You knew exactly what to do because there was a whole set of standards that you had to live by
You weren't allowed to go off with a guy or a girl by yourself. Yeah, they had to meet your family first
They had to actually know your family. They had to be recommended from someone that knew your family. You just couldn't just run off
They couldn't just say hey you want to go hang out tonight. They couldn't text you at 2 o'clock in the morning and say
WYD which stands for what you doing? I'm sleeping. I
Should be sleeping just so you know, if anyone texts you at 2 o'clock in the morning, that's not a spirit mate
You're like, oh that's so sweet he woke up in the middle of the night and he was thinking about me. Uh-huh, honey
That's not what's going on there
Especially if right after what you do and you get that two-word come over. No, no, no
Susan said that's a sex mate. Not a spirit mate. That's his sex mate. Exactly. That's right
That is right. Okay
You guys are funny. I love you. Okay, so
Because there's no structure. We're gonna put structure back in
Now will someone's relationship here will it defy this timeline? Yes
Will it move faster or maybe a little bit slower than this timeline? Yes
Should it move any slower than this timeline? No, and if it does move slower than this timeline
It doesn't mean for sure that it's a dud, but it does mean that we need to take a real close deep look
Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead and
Maybe we can talk better about that coming up. Yes
If you think the queue is slow you need to use your mind and you need to use your body
The block quote sometimes looks like it's a dud you need to come in here and move fast
It looks a little bit more like it's a cook out of a stuck together
Okay
So if that didn't really work then that's sick. Wow
Okay, so I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead and build this really fast
And now you get to just jump straight into the subscription $37 a month. So you saved
$297 and
You will beginning you will be able to
continue to
Have coaching we have all kinds of amazing things if you have questions
Let me know and I'll talk about it at the end. Okay, because I want to get to teaching. All right, so
Will your timeline be different than this timeline this is
preferred timeline
But it doesn't have to be concrete
Okay, it doesn't have to be a situation where if it's not this then it's not God
It's not the right person for you. So please don't act like that because that's not real
That's not real
Dinah's asking do you guys get to come over into last year single and do heart work with us? Absolutely
Everyone who comes into last year single even from the book club will start at the beginning of last year single with heart work
Okay, and so yes, of course everything everything in last year single is included. Everything is included. It's not last year single light
It's the whole thing. Alright, so let's talk about this 90-day framework. That was in chapter 9 days 1 through 30
Curiosity
Curiosity you guys you don't have to know whether this is your person or not
Gentlemen you may know you may know
Pretty quickly you may know by
second third fourth fifth date
men report to me
Especially men who have done their heart work
They report to me that they knew very quickly that there was something very special and very different about this woman and that
They wanted to be with her and they
They wanted to have her as their own,
that they wanted to make her their wife.
When I officiate weddings, I ask the groom to tell me
before we get up there on the wedding day,
hey, when did you know that this woman was your wife?
And almost every single one of them knew very quickly
within, definitely within the first 30 days.
Now I'm not talking about avoidantly attached men.
I'm not talking about men who haven't done the heartwork.
I'm not talking about marriage curious men.
You guys should have read about marriage curious people.
That can be women or men,
but I'm not talking about people that are marriage curious.
It's like, well, marriage sounds like it might be
a good idea somewhere down the road,
but they're not marriage-minded.
These were marriage-minded men
that were out in the marketplace looking for their women.
And when they found them, they knew very early,
very early.
You guys, you have all kinds of questions going on in here.
Let me go ahead and make my co-host a co-host, Cheryl,
so that she can answer some of those questions.
The answer to, can they join the book club?
They missed the first session.
It was last night, but if they wanna play catch up,
then they can.
All right, there we go.
Okay, all right.
Days one through 30, curiosity.
Multiple conversations, multiple coffees.
You're observing, you're not deciding.
You're not in love with anyone yet.
You should not be feeling anxious.
For those of you that anxiously attach,
by the way, we do attachment styles in last year's single.
We really help you to disconnect from an attachment style
that has kept you single, kept you frustrated.
Days one through 30 is not for you to be imagining,
you know, being married to this person,
for you to be looking for signs
if they're the person for you.
It is for you to be enjoying getting to know them.
And you know why it's days one through 30?
Because you're not gonna see them every single day
for the first month.
You're like, Jackie, 30 days is a long time.
Yeah, if you were seeing them every single day.
But remember, I wrote this book based on my field work,
and my field work says that you'll be lucky
if you've had three dates with them in 30 days.
You'll be blessed if you have had two in-persons in 30 days.
Because people are busy, people have responsibilities.
People are single parents.
Sometimes people live a few hours away,
and you gotta meet in the middle.
Sometimes people are long distance.
You may even get just one in-person in 30 days,
if that's the case.
And by the way, that is my rule for long distance.
You have to have met up with that person in-person
within the first 30 days of chatting and talking.
Because oftentimes these relationships
start getting built on emotional connection
through chatting and talking, through long conversations,
and multiple conversations a day,
hours on Zoom at night, different things,
and you're building this emotional bond
that your physical bond in-person cannot support.
You don't know who this person is.
You think you do, but you don't,
because you're not living life with them,
you're not seeing them in-person,
and therefore you really don't know who they are.
But you're building this fantasy
of who they are in your mind.
And in-person chemistry just hits differently, friends.
I don't care how attracted you are to them through a screen,
you may not like their pheromones in person.
You may not like their vibe in person,
their body language, their mannerisms, their smell.
You may not like them in person.
And so do not be running off, half-cocked, all right?
It's important for you.
You're like, well, what if they live in another country?
Then you need to slow your roll.
You need to be entertaining the attentions
of lots of different people,
going on in-person dates with people in proximity,
in person, not building some fantasy
of someone who lives long distance.
I just talked to a girl yesterday
who was planning to move to another country
because she met someone on vacation
that she fell in love with.
Now, she had a little bit of in-person time
because she was in that country on vacation,
but then she went home,
and then it became long distance chatting and talking
and chatting and planning and talking.
And then she found out this person
wasn't who she thought they were.
In fact, this person was living a double life.
Come on, y'all.
I've heard a lot of that long distance.
And so we have some very specific rules
in our community last year single
to help you do long distance well.
So I promise you, if you come into our community,
we will make sure that you do not get scammed long distance,
that you do not fall in love with a fantasy long distance,
that you don't run off and get married in three months
to someone that you've only seen once in person
long distance, we will help you if you allow us to.
And we'll make sure that you vet them out,
that you do life together,
and you really get to know who this person is
before you actually marry them.
Okay, so why is the first phase of my framework 30 days,
30 whole days long?
I just told you, we're grown adults.
We're not kids in school that are gonna see each other
three times a day in biology, math and history class.
You're probably not gonna see them very much at all
in the first 30 days.
And that's why in that first 30 days,
it's important that you are seeing if you even enjoy them,
if you even enjoy them.
You're like, how do I know if I enjoy them or not?
Are you looking forward to seeing them again?
Are you thinking about them when you're not with them?
Are you wondering what the next thing is
that you're gonna discover about them?
Are you trying to think of things
that would make them happier, make them smile,
or make them laugh?
Gentlemen, that's specifically for you.
Are you thinking of ways to make her laugh?
To woo her?
Now you're not doing a lot of wooing yet,
but you're thinking about it.
Okay, and then days 31 through 60,
this is where clarity needs to come in.
So days one through 30 is curiosity, curiosity.
And then days 31 through 60 are clarity.
This is where you're narrowing things down.
This is where you actually need to pick someone.
If you've been dating more than one person
in the curiosity stage,
and one of the people made it past 30 days with you,
you either need more information about that person,
clarity, in order to become exclusive,
and you need to start getting that in the next 30 days.
Because by 90 days, by three months,
I don't care if you've only had five dates,
by three months of knowing someone,
you should know whether or not you wanna continue
to get to know this person exclusively.
And if you're saying,
I wanna get to know you exclusively,
I don't want my options to be left open,
I wanna get off the apps,
I wanna focus on this relationship
and where this relationship is going,
then at our age, it's because you see potential for marriage.
You're not proposing,
but you've talked about whether this person
is marriage curious or marriage minded, haven't you?
You have found out whether this person
really wants the same things in life that you want.
And it's not because you sat them down
in the first 30 days and grilled them
and gave them a lie detector test.
It's because you followed the framework, you had fun.
Remember, the first 30 days is a lot about chemistry.
Do you have conversational chemistry?
Do you have emotional chemistry?
Does this person follow through on what they say?
Do they make plans?
Are they over-functioning or under-functioning?
Are they passive?
Are they aggressive?
What are you finding out in the first 30 days?
Do you like them?
Do you wanna be with them?
Are they nice,
but you just could never ever imagine kissing them?
That's good information.
After 30 whole days of knowing them,
if you still could not imagine putting your lips
on their lips, and I don't mean giving them CPR
because they choked on a walnut, okay?
I mean, there's nothing.
And you didn't just have one date, okay?
You're like, how do you decide
whether or not you're physically attracted?
If you have had a handful of dates with someone
and each time, it doesn't grow.
You guys, it's all about growth.
You don't have to like them from the first date.
You don't have to want to marry them from the first date.
You don't have to want to make out with them
from the first date.
You don't have to have any of those feelings.
The only thing you have to have from the first date
is I would like to see this person again.
I'm curious and I wanna know more.
In days 31 through 60,
that has to start to get narrowed down.
Clarity has to come.
Do I wanna invest in this relationship?
Do I see potential in this relationship?
Do I like this person's presence?
Do I like their values?
Do I like their vision for their life?
Do I like where this relationship
between the two of us is going?
And then in the last 30 days,
you have to choose this person on purpose.
You're not allowed to be in the gray zone.
If you haven't talked about long-term commitment,
like if they want.
a long-term commitment with someone, if they're marriage-minded.
If you haven't talked about those things, you've got to do this in the last 30 days
because otherwise you're going to find yourself in the gray zone.
Remember our friend that just put up in the chat, the one thing that she learned was is
that she could break up with that avoidant man, that she could do it.
How did she get in a relationship with someone for a couple years that isn't going to commit
to her?
How did that happen?
Because she didn't honor this framework.
She didn't know what it was, but you guys all know what it is now, don't you?
I want to see how many people have been in a situationship, what I call the gray zone
in my book.
You don't know if you're coming or going, you don't know if it's going anywhere or not,
but it's lasted for longer than six months.
Let me see.
Put your hands up.
Put your hands in the air.
You're not sure if they even like you back.
It's an unrequited crush maybe, or you're dating them, but it's not going anywhere.
You never get any further emotionally.
Now you might get further physically because situationships usually escalate pretty quickly
physically, but just not emotionally, not mentally, not spiritually.
Look at all those hands.
Look at all those hands, you guys.
Cynthia is like, I wasted years.
Charlotte's like almost six months, but I finally ended it.
Okay, you guys, if you follow this framework, you will not.
And here's the thing I want to tell you, ladies.
I wrote it in the book, but I'm going to reiterate it.
If you have to be the person in the second set of 30 days, 31 through 60, this is where
the DTR needs to happen, by the way, y'all.
If you have to be the one to ask where this is going, if you have to be the one that gets
up the nerve to ask them whether or not they want to be your boyfriend or if this is exclusive
or where is this going or what is it that you want?
If you're the one that has to do that, this man is either two things, one of two things.
He's not that into you or he's not marriage minded.
He's not ready.
He's one of those two things because a man who is marriage minded and also likes you
is not going to even let it get to the clarity stage before he has brought clarity to you.
He's not going to let it get there.
The men know what they want.
They let you know what they want 100% of the time.
So one of two things is true about that man.
He's not healthy enough or ready enough to make a commitment and that's good information.
You need to know that.
And or he, you're a placeholder.
He likes you fine.
He's willing to goof off and hang off, hang out with you.
He's willing to maybe even have a sexual relationship with you, but he doesn't have
any plan on marrying you.
He doesn't like you enough for that.
Okay.
Nope.
It's no good.
I don't know if I told you guys this story before, but this is one of my favorite stories
that proves this and I think I told it in the book.
I can't remember if I told it in the book or not, but I had a client and I match made
her.
She was on the dating app.
She was meeting people, but I match made her with one of my male clients and that male
client came in town to spend the weekend with her.
Not with her, but you know, to have a tab, a date because he was long distance.
And so she had all this stuff planned because he came to her city and so she had all this
activity stuff planned for them to do together.
And the very first night was great.
They went to dinner.
It was fun.
It was wonderful.
I got great feedback from both of them.
He had a really good time.
He thought she was really pretty.
He was attracted to her.
Same thing.
She was attracted to him.
She had a good time.
She thought it was funny.
Blah, blah, blah.
But there has, there was this other guy that she had been on a handful of dates with probably
just three or four dates and he lived in her city and he found out, now I didn't introduce
her to this guy.
She was my student and client.
So I was coaching her, but I didn't introduce her to that other guy.
But he found out that this other guy had flown in town to meet her and to have a weekend
date with her.
And you guys, he showed up strong.
He said, Hey, he said, I don't.
wants you to go out with that other guy again.
He's like, I wanna be with you.
I know we've only had four or five dates,
but I just wanna let you know that I think you're amazing.
You're exactly the kind of woman
that I'm looking for to be my wife.
You know, I have been just so excited
about every single one of our dates
and I want you to be my girlfriend.
I'm asking you to be exclusive with me in relationship.
Remember, this is just about four or five dates in.
Now she's torn.
She's like, okay, this guy's in town visiting me
and he's great, but this guy that I've been going out with,
he's really great.
I didn't know that he liked me that much yet.
And so she had a decision to make.
So she did make a decision to stick with the local guy
to go ahead and become exclusive with him.
Remember, it was way ahead of this timeline
that I've laid out.
She let the other guy know, hey, listen,
this other guy that I've been seeing,
you know, he wants me to be his girlfriend.
He wants it to be exclusive.
And so I'm gonna focus all my energy over here.
I'm sorry that you came in town
and you wasted any time or money, you know,
but it was one of those things, friends,
where it's all fair and love and war.
And she tried to let him down easy.
You know, was he a little upset about it?
Yes, he was.
But she ended up marrying the other guy
and they're two babies in already.
All right, happy as little clams.
Happy as little clams in the sand.
Why did I say this?
Because that man was marriage-minded, marriage-ready,
and he saw what he liked and he locked it down.
And that's what you want in a healthy man.
That's what you want in a healthy man.
Now, they didn't get married
until they had been dating for about a year.
They got to know each other better.
They only became exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend
at that juncture, but that is what you wanna see.
Okay, all right, let's do a little Q&A here
because I don't want you sitting
in the gray zone for two years.
You have a framework now and you need to use it.
Now, if the relationship is healthy
and you feel intuitively that it's going well
and it's not really going
according to this timeline necessarily,
maybe you're long distance or maybe they're in school
or maybe there's something else,
but they keep moving it forward, they keep choosing you,
they keep showing up, they're consistent,
they're clear about their intentions, then it's fine.
It's fine, but ladies, if you're wondering where you stand,
if you're confused about his feelings for you,
he doesn't like you that much.
If you feel confused about where you stand with him,
you don't stand anywhere with him, do you understand?
Confusion is the Clary that you need.
Okay, all right, let's go ahead
and take a couple questions.
If anyone wants to kind of ask a question
about this framework, now would be the time to do it.
Go ahead and get your hand up.
You guys, in order to preserve time,
let your question be shorter than 60 seconds
and then I'll give a 60 second answer.
Marsha, what do you got?
Marsha, you're up.
Oh, okay, Gail, go ahead.
Yeah, I have a question.
I'm a senior and so I'm retired.
So how would you, if you were to do a chart
for retired people to have all the time in the world
and see each other five days a week, does that speed up?
I mean, I am five and a half,
a week away from six months in
with a gentleman who's already proposed once to me
and I said I wasn't ready.
That was probably at three months.
But we have been seeing each other five days,
actually this last month, almost every day he'll stop in.
We're both retired and so does the amount of time
spent together matter more than the months or days?
Days.
It depends on how much you feel like
you're getting to know that person.
It depends on how much clarity you're getting.
It depends on whether you enjoy them.
It also depends on whether you're just a placeholder
in each other's lives because you're bored
and you don't have anything else to do.
I mean, there's a lot of different answers to this question
but if you like this guy, he seems very motivated.
He obviously is consistent.
He asked you to marry him already at three months.
Yeah, that's pretty quick.
Now you're six months in,
what do you feel like you need from him?
Here's the better question.
What do you feel like you need to have clarity
and be able to choose him?
What do you feel?
like you need? Well, I think I've had clarity enough to choose him. I think I'm ready to
say yes. And he has to get through July, he told me, because he's a widow and his wife
and his anniversary, six years he's been a widow. July has been their month or their
wedding date. I don't know if it's his wife's birth, former birthday. So he says I have
to get through July now. And I intend on putting a ring on your finger. He he says he cannot
go two years, he would like to get married within the year of knowing me, not from now,
but another six months. But I'm being told by my pastor that I guess when you're 73 years
old, he doesn't take an account that you don't have all the time in the world, really.
I mean, nobody knows, but God knows. But it's just seeing somebody so regularly, I feel
like we're setting, settling into a real good state. So I'm ready to accept, but I'm getting
this like, oh, you've only known each other six months from people around me. So. Okay.
So we are not the people around you because we don't do life with you in person. So I
wouldn't completely ignore that. There's also some things that you need to, um, you
guys at this stage of life that she is in and that some of you are in, you need to make
sure that this person's financially stable. Okay. There's a lot of reasons why people
want to get married, get married quickly. So you need to make sure that they have disclosed
all of their finances to you, their debt, you know, where they are, you know, whose
house would you live in? Um, it'd probably be a good time for you to jump into like a,
like a Simba's save your marriage before it starts class, a premarital coaching class,
because all of that will come out in the homework and the homework that you have to do. You
have to go through finances. You have to go through expectations. You have to go through
11 different dynamics and all the roosters will come home to roost. And so if you're
serious about him to this level and he's serious about you to this level, then let's get some
other eyes digging into what really is there like a Simba's, which we have in last year's
single. Are you part of last year's single or are you just in the book? I am. I am. He's
not. I am. Okay, perfect. So there's another Simba's about to start. I would really suggest
jumping in there because that will allow you guys to have even harder conversations as
the homework, you know, you don't even have to bring it up. The homework will bring it
up and that will allow you to see really fully what it would look like to be married
to him financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually, the whole nine yards.
Okay. Can, does he have to join or how does that work? No, he doesn't have to join the
last year single. You just, you can sign up for Simba's and bring him along. Perfect.
Thank you so much. Okay. Good question. All right. Um, you guys, okay, we're going to
try to go quicker through these. Jodi, what's your question? And remember we're about frame,
we're talking about the framework. That's what we're talking about right now. So, um,
I don't usually like to be on the hot seat, but here I am. Um, uh, what if I'm the one
that seems to never be able, like, I feel like I, um, meet good guys and they're interested
and then I can't decide if I'm interested or if I'm attracted to them. How long have
you been single? A long time. I've been, um, in a few serious relationships, but it's been
20 years. Okay. Well, there's your answer. So you've built a life that while it might
not be everything that you want it to be, I'm sure that it's a good life. And you know,
being in a relationship with someone and giving up, you know, different parts of yourself,
your schedule, your life, sharing your life with someone, that's a big decision to make,
especially when you've been single for 20 years. Yeah. But I don't think that's my issue
because, um, I don't know. I think I will tell you. Yeah. I think it, I think there
is avoidance there and maybe fear of choosing wrong as is. Um, so I don't know what, I guess,
what does this say about me? Like what, um, it says exactly what you just said and exactly
what I just said. Cause you're not saying anything different than what I'm saying. You
are not wanting to give up your current reality for an unknown reality, which is marrying
the wrong person, being with the wrong person, you know, not choosing someone who's long
term compatible. Ladies and gentlemen, if you've been single for any amount of time,
it's a situation that you've learned to live with. Okay. And yes, you would love to be married,
but you would only love to be married the way that you would love to be married.
And that's not something that you can tell right away in any kind of dating relationship about
whether or not this person would be long-term compatible with you, whether or not life would
be better with them or not, unless you give it a chance to unfold. And so my advice to her,
and to all of you that have this more of avoidant attachment style that's been created by long-term
abstinence, celibacy, and singleness, you have to allow someone to come in, even if they're
not the preference list. That's why we made the non-negotiable list. If they have those attributes,
if you enjoy their presence, if you look forward to seeing them, doesn't mean you want to marry
them. You have to allow it to be. And this is why I created this phrase, Jody, for people like you.
And, and there's a lot of you guys here, put your hand up. If you're on the same boat as Jody,
it's called, it's a yes until it's a no. You don't have to feel chemistry. You don't feel,
have to feel like you're so in love with them. You just can't live without them.
That's called being 22 years old. That ship has sailed out of the port. Doesn't mean you're not
going to be excited about your spirit mate. It just means that that car engine may take a couple
more turns to fully turn over. And that's okay. All right. Cause we have to get rid of fear before
we can feel, you know, the, the emotions that you're wanting to feel. Yeah. We got to get rid
of fear first and fear only leaves when there's knowledge. So the more knowledge that you have
about this person, the more that you get to know them, the more that you let them in the, the more
stable and secure you're going to feel to let your heart get more involved. Does that make sense?
Yeah, it does. And I've been hurt really badly. So it, it is a scary thing to
take that risk again, when. Absolutely. And you guys love is always a risk. It always is. But
Jodi, you have great tools now and you're not going in blind. You have a great community around
you now. And so there isn't any reason why you would ever have to worry about being fooled by
anyone. Because if you stay close to community, you share like you are now, people will see what
you can't including coaches. And so you can just go out there and kind of date and be free and have
fun without being worried about choosing the wrong person. Ah, okay. All right. All of you are
God defended. Now you don't have to be self-defended anymore. You're God defended. Now that's only if
you don't date in isolation. Remember the book says, if you date in the dark, bad things happen
in the dark, let your advisory circle in, let this community in, let coaches in, let people weigh in.
You know, the other, our other sister said, Oh, her pastor is just like, well, this is going too
fast. You know what? I'll be the judge of that. Because if you're not equipped to take a look at
this, if you know, I mean, pastors of churches, you know, yeah, they're there to protect you.
They're shepherds or it's wonderful. But once again, they might not understand the dynamics
of relationships and romantic relationships, and you need someone weighing in that can.
So you need coaches, you need dating coaches. I mean, would you go to your pastor and say,
you know, do you think that I should, you know, lift 15 pound dumbbells or 25 pound dumbbells?
Do you think that I should go 1200 calories or 1600 calories, 170 grams of protein or 102 grams
of protein a day? They look at you like a cow at a new gate. They don't know the answer unless
they just happen to be a health coach in a, in a, um, you know, workout coach, a fitness,
fitness coach. So just because they're your pastor doesn't mean they know everything. Yes,
they're there to protect you. And I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to them, but if you know
more than they do about the person that they're weighing in on, then you need to make sure that
you're also trusting that you're God defended. Okay. Important. Okay. I'm going to take, um,
two more of these really quick and I'll let you guys ask more questions.
I'm going to take a guy, Jason. What's your question?
Gray zone, Jason. Is that a, well, actually we're talking about the 90 day framework.
What's your question?
Maybe Jason had his hand up for a different reason. All right. So let's go to Lydia.
Okay. So I guess my question is say you get to the end of the first 30.
days and you've only had like two dates and you're like, I still haven't spent
enough time around this person to know if there's even chemistry here.
Like, I guess, what would you, how would you go about that?
Such a good question.
So in the clarity phase, that is what you need to have cleared.
And so what you need to do is you need to say to them, Hey, you know, it's been 30
days, we've only been on two dates.
I need us to commit to seeing each other a little more frequently so we can find
out, you know, what we're doing here.
Okay.
And what if it's more just scheduled conflicts that prevent that?
Is that kind of just the answer there then?
It did.
Well, it's the answer.
If they keep canceling on you, the answer is they don't got room in
their life for a relationship.
Right.
And you can let them know that before you cut them off the roster, you can say,
Hey, I'm really enjoying our time together, but I feel like it's been 30 days and I
still don't really know you that well.
So are you still interested in getting to know me?
And if you are, I'm going to need you to make some more room for me in your life.
And guess what?
Friends, if they think that's too high maintenance, if they think that's too
much to ask, then you have your answer.
Just so you guys know, a lot of people break up with a potential that they're
dating in the second 31 to 60 day.
That's why it's called clarity.
Clarity is kindness, right?
We hear that all the time.
This is where the rubber meets the road.
This is where you're going to decide to move forward into hopefully exclusivity
and a marriage minded courtship, or you're going to decide to go separate
ways, not because you're a bad person or they're a bad person, but because
it just isn't coming together.
They're not ready.
You're not ready.
The first 30, 45 days showed you something where it's incompatible.
This also is where you're going to be paying attention to your non-negotiables.
When you get to the clarity stage, you're going to have to really get honest with
yourself about whether this person is exhibiting your non-negotiables or not.
And if they aren't, then there's probably going to be a deal breaker
somewhere in that framework.
Okay.
Somewhere in that part of the framework.
Okay.
Is it Renee or Renee, right?
Renee?
It's Renee.
Okay.
I have a, I have a male client whose name is Renee and I didn't
know if that was him or not.
Okay.
Hi.
Um, so my question is actually on the non-negotiables.
How do you get clarity when you're kind of trying to see if your
non-negotiables are part of maybe an old belief system or, um, would
you ask your advisory circle?
Yeah, this is you guys, this is really important.
So if you're in last year single, you can ask your coaches
that have gotten to know you.
You know, you can ask them, Hey, what do you see in this behavior in this pattern?
If you have a really great advisory circle, then you're going to say, Hey,
you know, what blind spots do you see me continuing to exhibit in my love life?
You know, give them permission to speak into your life.
Ask them a very, a very, um, pointed question.
Do you think that I'm doing this?
Do you think that, okay, this scenario keeps happening?
Do you think it's me?
You have to give them permission to tell you the truth.
And hopefully you shouldn't be putting anyone on your advisory
committee circle that you don't trust to tell you the truth.
Okay, cool.
What is it that you do?
Are you there?
Can you hear me?
Y'all, did we just lose the plot?
Can you hear me?
Give me a thumbs up if you can hear me.
Okay.
I think I'm back.
I'm sorry.
Renee, there you are.
I was, what is, what is the behavior in question?
So, um, I've been just chatting with a gentleman who's a three Ms and he is
also, he's Catholic and so I've had questioning about our different belief
systems and also he, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a
he, he works for the parks, which is totally me, I'm outdoorsy, but I'm also
like very, um, like conspiracy theorists and like all the, all the things.
And so I'm, I'm like, I don't even know if we're actually compatible
in a lot of these like core ways, but he's enjoyable and our
communication has been well right now.
He, um, I live in Nebraska and he moved up to Montana just
for the summer to take a job.
So we're kinda, you know, and especially when I'm doing this book club, I'm not
dating right now, I'm taking a little break just to kind of solidify some
things and get more community involved.
But, um, but.
he seems like a different pattern for me in a very healthy way too.
So I don't want to, I don't want to ruin it by saying, by thinking,
Oh, it's probably not going to work out because a guy that would be healthy for
me just wouldn't be compatible if that makes sense.
Yeah. You know, and, and here's the thing, all of you, please listen to this.
You're not looking for your twin out there.
You're not looking for someone who thinks just like you do,
who believes everything exactly like you do.
You're looking for a complimentary opposite.
You're looking for someone who will allow you to be yourself,
but also will allow you to grow and vice versa, right?
Someone who wants to grow. Now,
your non-negotiable should be the things that are deal breakers,
because you absolutely know that you cannot live with someone who does those
things or doesn't do those things.
You cannot be with someone who doesn't have that character trait or does have
that character trait.
So that needs to be the deal breaker.
Okay. Or the decider in every single relationship,
the non-negotiables the preferences like, you know,
that they would maybe like the same things that you do or have the same hobbies
and all that. That's just gravy on top. Okay.
Now, if you're an outdoors person and you live outside,
like you literally are touching grass every single day,
you cannot marry someone who doesn't know what grass is. Okay.
They don't, right. They're just sitting inside.
The only thing that they touch is carpet or hardwood floor.
That is not going to be a long-term compatibility for sure.
So that should be on your deal breaker list.
They have to be someone who is loves nature.
Someone who wants to be outside, live an outdoor lifestyle. You're like, Jackie,
why isn't that a preference? Because that is a lifestyle.
Do you guys understand the difference? It's a lifestyle.
Okay. Okay. All right, Renee, that's good.
It sounds promising. And I like that you guys have put a little space.
He's doing something for the summer. You're taking this,
you're on a little sabbatical.
I think that a lot of clarity comes when we have some chemistry with people,
but we put a little space in to see if that chemistry can survive that.
Makes sense. Okay. All right.
I see lots of questions about jumping over in a last year single.
You guys will get a series of four to five emails that will talk to you about
what is on the other side of that offer. $37 to jump in a last year single.
You will, if you do sign up,
need to put in the email address that you registered for this book club.
Cause this is a special offer. It's not just for anybody.
So don't try to send this offer to your girlfriend, your guy friend,
cause they won't be able to get it.
That's why we ask you when you're registering for this in that email that
you'll get one of four or five emails that you'll get it to take advantage of
this offer.
You'll have to put in the email address that you use to register for this book
club and that will allow you to have that special offer. Okay. All right.
All right. I'm going to put you guys in breakouts.
I'm going to send you into groups of three and four,
and here's why you're going there.
Each person is going to talk about what is on the other side of that
break.
And then you're going to talk about one thing that has shipwrecked you in the
past. When it comes to this 90 day framework, you either rush real quick,
you just rush all the way to, I like you. I want to be with you.
Be my boyfriend. I love you. Be my girlfriend. Marry me. Okay.
And, or you just never can make up your mind because you're just always like,
what if there's something better?
Maybe you're the kind of person who can never ask what you want.
You over-function. You do everything for them.
You try to make it super easy.
You got the chill girl or the passive guy script running.
What do you do in the first 90 days of getting to know someone?
Do you become clingy and needy? Do you become kind of avoidant? Like, Oh,
I'm not going to let you in. You have to chase me and pursue me.
What do you do that causes either things to go on way too long than it should
have? Because you should have ended things with them on the third date,
or you never even make it to the third date because of another behavior that you
got going on. All right. So just share briefly with each other.
I'm just giving you guys an opportunity to get to know each other a little bit
more.
All right.
You're going to have a little thing pop up on your zoom that says enter the
breakout room. Click that link.
Thank you.
All right, friends, as you're coming back in, make sure that you're muted.
You might still be unmuted from being in your breakout room.
All right, all right, welcome back.
Hopefully you guys had some really good things to share with each other and you're getting
some breakthrough from our recap of the homework.
Okay, so now we're going to head into what I have believed and is probably the most important
thing behind our last year single community.
What you make happen for others, God makes happen for you.
Is it a prerequisite?
Does it mean that if you don't do nice things for others, that God won't bless you?
No, your blessings and your prosperity and your, you know, access to abundance is based
on the finished work of the cross.
It's not based on works, okay?
But I will tell you that if you have an abundant mindset, if you truly have an abundant mindset,
if you're not dealing with a scarcity mindset, and I'm not talking about the scarcity script
from week one.
If you're not dealing with a poverty mindset, a scarcity mindset, an orphan mindset, if
you really do believe that there's more than enough to go around, then you won't have any
problem promoting the goodwill of others, promoting the abundance of others, helping
them, connecting them, giving them opportunities.
The best connectors out there, and I don't mean matchmakers, and I'm not just talking
about love lives.
The most beautiful people that will connect you, the people that will say, Oh yeah, you
got a, you got a leaky pipe.
I know a guy, you know?
Oh, you got your car, your car's broken.
You need to fix.
I know somebody.
Let me connect you.
What are they doing?
They are connecting one person that needs something to another person who has that thing,
right?
Do they get anything out of it?
No.
Except the knowledge that they helped this person get some business and this person get
a need or problem solved.
Oh, you, you have a, you have something going on with your thyroid.
Yeah.
My friend, my friend had that problem too.
She solved that problem somehow.
I don't know.
She took some vitamin or she talked to some doctor.
Yeah.
Let me connect you to her so you can talk to her and maybe you guys can compare notes
and help you.
Oh, you just moved here.
Oh, you need a good hairstylist.
My hairstylist is good.
You need a reference.
You need a referral for a gym.
You need this.
You need that.
Do you guys see what I'm talking about?
What are those people doing?
Those people are genuinely interested in the benefit and the goodwill of other people.
And those people are blessed.
It's not because God likes them more.
It's because give and it shall be given unto you, pressed down, shaken together and running
over.
That's why God loves a generous soul, doesn't he?
Doesn't he love a cheerful giver?
Doesn't he love it? He does. And here's the greatest thing. If you're just a
generous person who doesn't believe the lie that, oh, if this person gets ahead,
then there's there's not enough left for me. I can't help this person get a better
job. I can't help this person get a better car or a better house because
what about me? That will live, that'll keep you living a small life, a small
little life. But if you genuinely want to see other people excel, other people
prosper, other people to be in good health and wealth, other people to be
happy, you know what happens? It all comes back. And I'm not talking about
karma. I'm talking about you reap what you sow. I'm talking about the
universal law that God put into order when he created the world. It's not God
blessing you. It's the universal law at work in your life. Treat others like you
want to be treated. Be blessed and you'll be able to be, you know, bless
others and you'll be, you're blessed and you bless others. You're blessed to be a
blessing, right? Is that not true? Okay, so that brings me to your love life. That
brings me to your love life because one area that I've seen people be so stingy,
so scarcity-minded, so dog-eat-dog, so Hunger Games level selfish, is in this
area of their lives. And I think it's because you really do believe that it's
that last roll of toilet paper during COVID. All right? I really do think you
believe that at some level and I want to let you know that it's not true. It's not
true. There's more than enough to go around and you only need one. You only
need one. And guess what? The one that you want, it's not gonna be the same one
that somebody else wants probably, right? Because they're kind of more in tune
with you, aren't they? So you don't got to fight for them. And I want to caution
you, anyone that you might meet that would make you kind of feel scarcity,
they would feed scarcity. Gentlemen, any woman that you might meet and start
talking to that tries to make you jealous, immediately know. Immediately know.
You've seen everything you need to see. Done. Done. What is she trying to do? She's
trying to show you that she's valuable by making you believe, true or not true,
that other people want her as well. What is she playing on? She's playing on the
basest instincts that you have. The most carnal instinct you have of
competition, of being, of conquering, of winning. And guess what? That is not a
good woman. That is not the kind of woman that you want to make your wife. It's
not. It isn't. People that say things like, well, there's a lot of other people
who want me. You know, you don't want to go out with me or you don't want to go
out with me Friday night. That's okay. I've got lots of other offers. Well, let
them go ahead and go out with one of their other offers. Okay? You probably
dodged a bullet. You guys, can you message in the chat? Because my chat's not
working right now. I just want to see. I want to see the messages in the chat
because I'm not seeing any. There they are. Okay. Thank you. You feel what I'm
saying here? Anyone who tries to make you feel scarcity or that you're in
competition or urgency or any of that is no good. It's not good. Red flag. Okay. So
I have seen a lot of scarcity in the mind and hearts of singles. I have seen a
lot of people who they go on dates and the person is not their person. They're
not attracted to them or they're not compatible or they're long distance or
they're shared parenting and they can't move whatever. And they're like, Oh, not
a match for me. And they just go off. They go off from the date and they never
consider any of their single friends. They never consider any one else. That
was a decent person that you met. They weren't a match for you, but are they a
match for somebody else? You guys, this only works if you're willing to play
matchmaker. We're only going to have a marriage revival. If you're willing to
play matchmaker, you might not match dozens and dozens of people. You might
not call yourself a matchmaker. Like I do. You might not have been matchmaking
since you were a kid, like I have, but you can still be a matchmaker for
somebody.
You don't have to call it matchmaking, just call it introductions.
A lot of people, if they don't have a scarcity mindset,
and when I say scarcity mindset, you might not even know you have it.
You just don't think of other people when it comes to your love life.
It's just all about you. It's all about whether the date worked for you,
whether the person was right for you.
You don't ever think about anybody else because you're thinking about you.
Okay.
It doesn't, it's no skin off your nose to introduce that person to someone else.
You don't want them anyway.
But you can't be bothered because all you want to do is try to find your
person. Well, this is how you find your person.
This is how you find your person. Get one, share one.
This is how you find your person. I can tell you story after story,
after story, after story, after story. In fact, I'm about to tell you a story.
How about that?
So one of my students got married just recently and I congratulated her.
She, I got a wedding invitation from her. Couldn't go to the wedding.
And so I congratulated her.
And this is the response I got from her after I congratulated her.
This is the message that she sent me. She said, Jackie,
thank you for letting me be part of your amazing program.
Here's a quick testimonial. Last May,
I went to an anniversary party of some of my friends and there was a young man
from my church that I used to go to years ago.
He was a small boy when he used to go to church with me.
I told him and his brothers about last year's single,
because I thought that maybe I could help find them matches.
Cause this boy's all grown up now. He's not a boy anymore.
He's a man and he's all grown up.
And what happened when she shared last year's single with him and his brothers,
he turned around and introduced her that same day to his
coworker, this young man that she knew as a little boy in church,
introduced her to a man that he worked with. And guess what?
That's the man that she just married.
The MC at her wedding and one of the bridesmaids were all part of
this community as well. That young man became the best man at the wedding.
Then her matron of honor is the person who introduced her to my
program in the first place.
After she did my bride bootcamp and got happily married.
She said,
my love story and her love story was a confirmation of your
prophetic word. Somebody knows somebody who knows your spirit mate.
And by the way, my husband says, hi.
Yay.
Right. Who wants to be part of something like that?
Who's ready to be part of that, that right there.
Then you got to stop thinking about just yourself.
If you go on a date with a decent human being,
someone who's got their stuff together, but for whatever reason,
they're just not your person. And you know,
they're not your person for whatever reason. Okay. It doesn't matter.
It's a yes until it's a no. And now it's become a, no,
do not throw that fish back.
Ladies and gentlemen, do not throw that fish back,
put that fish right into last year. Single,
either invite them here or introduce them to someone here or introduce them to
another single in your life. That isn't part of this community.
Be the introduction, connect the dots,
bring it all together, bring it all together. And here's the thing.
Charlotte says, I just wish I knew some good guys.
You will know some good guys.
You're going to be out there with this new framework,
with this new attitude, with these new tools,
and you're going to meet lots of people. And guess what?
You only get one of them. So there's going to be a bunch of them.
That's not for you.
But you know what I believe?
I believe that if you're willing to be used by God in this way,
if you're willing, say if you, every time you go on a date, say, Hey God,
if this person's not for me, please show me who I can connect them with.
Please show me how I can better their life.
Please show me how I can turn their sails to the wind.
If they're a good person,
please put me in the right place at the right time to meet someone that I can
introduce to one of my brothers and sisters in this beautiful singles community.
Even if they're not for me, God,
I would love to be the bridge that brings two people together.
I would love to be that bridge.
Can I tell you guys that if all of you sign that
matchmaking
oath at the back of the book, sign this oath at the back of the book,
if all of you really mean it, if you really put it before God and say, Hey,
I'm willing, I'm willing to be a connector. I'm willing to be a bridge.
I'm willing to help bring people together.
I'm willing to be a revivalist in the revival of marriage and family.
God will start letting your path cross with people.
And one of those people will end up being your person.
That's right. Louise is like, I'm a bridge.
Yes, Louisa, if you're a bridge, I'm a bridge.
If you're a bird, I'm a bird.
If you're a bridge, I'm a bridge.
If you're a dot, I'm a dot.
Teresa's willing to be a bridge.
Sarah says, that's part of my prayer.
I want to meet people to introduce my single friends to.
You guys should be going to so many weddings.
You guys should be toasting at weddings because you are the person that introduced them.
You should be eating so much cake.
You should be dancing so much electric slide.
Let's go.
I get at least a handful of wedding invitations every month because I'm a bridge and I can't
be a bridge all by myself.
My desire is that this would spark into an even bigger movement than it already is of
singles that are looking out not just for themselves, but for each other and bringing
marriage and family back to the forefront.
All right, I want you to put the name of someone that you would just love to see get married
and it's not you in the chat right now.
Come on.
You would just love to see them get married.
They so deserve to have a great mate.
There's such a great and wonderful person.
You would just love, love, love to see it.
Let's see it.
Come on, Lord.
We're putting these names before you.
Stacey and Paul and Eric and Joanne and Stephanie and Raven and Jill and Celeste and Bryce and
Donnie and Janae and Dinah and Olivia.
I see some of you telling each other's names.
I like that.
That's so cool.
That's cool.
Brantley and Brooke and Deborah and Crystal and Lydia, all of these folks.
Come on.
Yes, yes, yes.
Lydia.
I hope that you, when you said Lydia, you meant another Lydia and not yourself.
We'll just go ahead and say that you have a friend named Lydia too.
You guys, I need you to get, not saying Lydia's doing this because I don't know.
Maybe she does have a friend named Lydia.
I need you guys to focus on other folks besides you.
A lot of you have been focused on your own love life for a really long time.
How far has that gotten you, friend?
How far has it gotten you?
Maybe it's time to do something different.
Maybe it's time to try something different.
Let's try something different here.
Yes, Shana and Toby, Maryland.
I second that emotion.
I know both of those cheeky mamas.
All right.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
All right.
We're going to do a speed round now, friends.
I'm going to put you into a whole bunch of breakouts, okay, so that you can just meet
new people.
And all you're going to do is just pray over each other very quickly that God would send
those people their spirit mate, all right?
Very quickly.
I'm going to just keep putting you with more and more and more people, all right?
So we're going to just recreate some breakout rooms right now, recreate, recreate, all right?
And then I'm just going to continue to bring you back, put you out, bring you back, put
you out, all right?
And here we go.
All right.
Welcome back, everybody.
We're just going to wrap up now.
I hope you enjoyed the modern dating sucks book club.
I definitely enjoyed it.
Um, I do believe that this is going to give way to a summer of love for so many of you.
And that's what I just pray for you.
In Jesus Christ.
Yes, Jesus.
for each and every one of you right now,
Amen.
that you would have divine appointments,
Amen.
that you would be led in alignment with God's goodness
Amen.
and his love for you, his will over your life.
I wanna remind you that the desire that you have
in your heart to be matched, to be partnered
does not come from you.
It comes from your creator.
You've been hardwired to desire partnership.
You've been hardwired to desire family and marriage.
And so Lord, we thank you that you've given us
this beautiful desire and that we will no longer
have our hope deferred, but we will step into
the love stories that you have for us.
And we are going to make those things happen
for each other and for others that are not here tonight.
We desire to be used.
Your word says, my people will be made willing
to be made willing in the day of my power.
And so we declare that this is the day of your power.
This is the time when you are doing things
that go exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask,
think or imagine in areas where we have never had success,
where we've never had breakthrough.
And so Lord, we thank you right now.
We thank you right now, Lord, for all of those things.
And we ask God that you would do it in Jesus' name.
Amen.
All right.
Clickety clackety clack.
Thank you, Jackie.
All right, now listen, last year's single,
for those of you that are not part of last year's single,
this is your opportunity to join a community
that is going to continue to keep this momentum going.
I believe every single one of you
can have your summer of love, all right?
Every single one of you can have that summer of love,
but you cannot have that summer of love
unless you stay focused on it.
So if you don't think you can stay focused on your own,
if you don't think that you can stay in alignment
on your own, then this is definitely
an amazing opportunity for you.
I believe everyone needs a community around them
to keep them focused, to keep them aligned.
And so here is your opportunity.
Look for those emails.
Make sure you put in the same email address
that you used to get this book.
Friends, we do have another book club.
Share it with someone.
Remember, what we help make happen for others,
God makes happen for us.
So share it with somebody else.
These replays in the app will be available
for the next 60 days.
So make sure that you are taking advantage of that
before it disappears, and you can continue
to ask questions in there as well,
because we will be answering those questions.
All right, sound good?
All right, everyone, see you soon.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.