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All right, hello everyone, welcome to Modern Dating Sucks book club session two.

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This is week two of our book club.

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If you didn't make it to week one, that's okay because you can watch the replay.

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You can watch the replay and you might ask, Jackie, where is that replay?

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I'm glad you asked.

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That replay is in your app, Modern Dating Sucks book club app.

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That is on just so you know, for those of you that are not part of our last year single

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community, that app or that group, I should say, lives on our last year single app.

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Your Modern Dating Sucks book club group lives within our last year single app.

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I just want to put a plug in for last year single because all of you are going to get

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an opportunity at the end of this book club to roll over into our last year single program,

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which normally costs $300 to join.

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You're going to get to go ahead and join for the subscription price of $37 a month.

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You get to bypass the $297, you get to jump right in at the subscription.

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It does have a subscription.

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For those of you that have asked, what does the subscription include?

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It includes all phases of last year single.

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It includes the Our Heart Work.

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It includes the Dating Accelerator.

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It also includes the LYS community.

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Two of those are co-ed and it includes daily prayer.

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We have hundreds of singles that show up every day to prayer.

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I believe it's the secret sauce of our success.

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We have Saturdays, Supernatural Saturdays with me every Saturday.

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All of that's available in replay.

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Sunday night activations, some of them available in replay.

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All of the coaching in phase one and two available in replay, also in phase three.

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You're going to get mentored.

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You're going to get coached.

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You're going to meet other singles that are ready to mingle, that are marriage-ready,

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marriage-minded men and women.

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We've had lots of couples meet in our program and get married.

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Lots of community-based matchmaking, single spotlights, all kinds of in-person events.

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We have single cities that you will have entrance to.

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Those are 25 different cities across the United States and Canada and one opening in the UK

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where our community meet up and see each other.

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And then you'll also have access to our brand new community-based matchmaking platform.

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We're going to be opening up Jackie's List this summer.

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That's going to be exciting.

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So you'll get an opportunity to do that at the end of your book club if you want to.

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But you're already on the app.

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You're already on our app, our custom app right now in your, not right now on Zoom,

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but in your book club group.

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You're already there.

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And so what we'll do is we'll grant you permission to go into the other parts of the app.

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You're like, well, Jackie, I don't see anything else here.

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Yeah, that's because you don't have permission to see it.

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But trust me, there's a lot of stuff that's just lurking around that you can't see.

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It's kind of like God, like, you know, you can't see him, but he's definitely here.

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All right.

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And so it's good.

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It's a good thing.

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And I hope all of you take advantage of that.

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We've only made that available to our book club members.

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We've never done that for any other group ever before in the six years that we've been

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running Last Year Single.

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All right.

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So you guys, I was just talking to a student right now.

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She was telling me that her wedding date is December 5th.

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She's so excited.

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When she came into my program Last Year Single, she was, had been chronically single her entire

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life, never had really had a serious relationship.

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And it was for a reason that some of you might share, you know, she's, she's in her

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early forties.

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And the reason why is because she's been chronically ill with Lyme disease.

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So I'm not saying you have Lyme disease, but maybe you have had a controlling life circumstance.

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So maybe it's a health circumstance.

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Maybe it's a family circumstance.

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It could be that you were divorced and you have a custody circumstance that you think

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makes you disqualified or really not a good candidate for a relationship because who in

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the heck would want to put up with your toxic ex-husband or ex-wife that you have to put

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up with because you have kids together and you love your children and you want to parent

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them well.

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And so regardless of what that reason is, I just want to let you know that there's a

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love story for you.

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I just want to start tonight off by encouraging you.

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There's a love story for you.

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Perhaps you have adult children.

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I have this, you guys, there's no circumstance that you have that I haven't already heard.

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And I haven't already seen that person have success in their love life.

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You can't bring anything to me like, Oh Jackie, I got one for you that you've never heard

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before.

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Nope.

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You only got one leg.

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I heard it before.

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You know, you got a bum, you got bum kidneys that produce cysts and they've given you a

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limited time amount to live. Yes. Brain tumor. Been there. Terminal cancer.

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Yep. We've, we've seen those people get engaged. You're like, what? Yes.

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You got a toxic former spouse that's in prison for molesting your children.

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Yep. We've been there. You guys, we have seen it all y'all. Okay.

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We've seen it all. So however you're disqualifying yourself.

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And some of you may have adult children that have drug addictions that have

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mental illness.

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Maybe they're even homeless and you can't figure out how to help them and you

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don't want to abandon them. And you're like,

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no one's going to want to marry me knowing that at any moment I may have to run

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off and help this child of mine that just can't get themselves straightened out.

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You guys, that's not true. Whatever lie you're believing,

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I want you to release it tonight. I want to be tonight that the,

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the time that you release, whatever it is that you're carrying,

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I'll give you a little preview of heartwork,

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which is the first phase in last year,

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single where we just kind of release all of the ideas and all of the beliefs,

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all of the mindsets that are keeping us stuck.

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I like to say something in heartwork. I wrote about it in my book,

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the heartwork and we talk about it in heartwork,

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which is phase one of last year, single. And that is, you're never, ever, ever,

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ever stuck on the outside.

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Your circumstances are not what have you stuck.

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You're always stuck. I'm what you believe about your circumstances.

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You're never stuck on the outside. You're always forever stuck on the inside.

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It's not about what God can do. It's about what you believe he can do.

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It's not about what you can have. It's about what you believe you can have.

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It's not about the trauma that hurt you.

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It's about what you believe about the trauma that hurt you.

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You're not going to give up a beautiful,

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abundant life because you have trauma because you were abused because you were

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hurt because you were abandoned. No,

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it's the lies that you believe about yourself because of that trauma.

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That's going to keep you from having a big, beautiful, abundant life.

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Do you hear me? And you might be like, Jackie, what do you know about it? Oh,

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I know everything about it, honey.

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I came into this world in a fire with gasoline underwear on.

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I completely understand. I came out of my mother's womb running for my literal

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life. I've seen it all. Okay.

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Every type of abuse I experienced in childhood, sexual, physical, mental,

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emotional, everything, abandonment,

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girls home at 13 years old,

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foster care in my later teenage years,

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emancipated minor because

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all the adults that I had ever known were unsafe.

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And it was safer just to be out on my own couch surfing at 16, 17 years old.

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I'm just telling you what I know about it. Okay.

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So, you know, mentally ill parents, uh, you know,

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addict parents, uh, family members, the Hatfields and McCoys,

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family that doesn't get along, blended family divorce.

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I've had a little taste of a lot of things. Okay. And this is not a,

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this is not a contest. It's not a trauma contest. Cause you guys,

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there's no trophies for trauma,

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but I will let you know that I have had to work through a lot of things.

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That's why I wrote the book.

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I literally wrote the book because I lived the book, the heart work.

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And I was keeping myself from having a big, beautiful,

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abundant life because of what I believed about myself and what I believed was

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available to me based on what had happened to me.

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And you know, when I came out of agreement with all that stuff,

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my life just exploded in all the right ways, my health, my wealth,

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my ability to help others, my gifts and talents.

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There's a lot of really crazy background noise going on here in my studio.

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So I just want to make sure, and you know what my studio is?

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My studio is a little Airbnb that I'm at in Southern California.

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And I'm here in Southern California because I was here for a business meeting.

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And now I'm on a little, you know, five,

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six day vacation with my daughter and her husband and I'm loving it. Okay.

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So I just want to start out with that for all of you.

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So it's a little echoey in here. It's cause I'm not at home in the studio.

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I'm in this Airbnb and if there's a little traffic noise over here,

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it's because there's crazy traffic and that's okay because we're just going to

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make it and we're just going to do it anyway.

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I see another Jackie in the house tonight. I see that. Love that.

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I don't hear the names Jackie very often. And I heard it.

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I heard it today already. I was at a little coffee shop, order my matcha.

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If you know me, you know,

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I love matcha and I was ordering a matcha and after,

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after they called me my name, I was with a friend.

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So they actually called her name. But after that I'm sitting there.

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And then I heard them call Jackie and I was, I looked up like,

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I didn't order anything.

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And then there was a young woman that got up and went and got her coffee.

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And I was like, Oh, there's another Jackie in the house.

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And so that has happened twice today. And I love it.

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I grew up not seeing anyone named Jacqueline or Jackie.

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where I lived and where I came from there wasn't anyone by that name and in fact they didn't you

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know the key chains and the magnets you know the key chains with all the names or the magnets with

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all the names Jacqueline was never on those so you know I never was able to get one of those

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when I was a kid everyone wants something with their name on it right and I wasn't able to get

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one because Jacqueline was not there and now I feel like I'm running into all kinds of

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Jackies so welcome Jackie Cooper glad to have you here glad to see all of you guys that are here

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tonight let's take a look and see I've been going through what we have we have a short we have a

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small group you guys we only have 88 folks in here live tonight but we're gonna have a good

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time I have been going through your questions on the app friends not a lot of you asked questions

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in fact the same two people asked all the questions and so you need to take advantage of

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this time with me you know not to toot my own horn but I am one of the leading relationship

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experts in the country in fact I'll be on Fox News not once but twice on Wednesday doing what

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weighing in on relationships weighing in on modern dating I go on there a lot I'm kind of their go-to

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relationship person also been on ABC NBC okay many times I've been on Access Hollywood I've been

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around why because people lean into me because of the success of my last year single program the

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success of the books that I've written and so I just want to let you guys know you have access

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to me for five weeks I'm the person who's answering your questions it's not it's not

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another coach it's not someone posing as me it's me Jackie D all right so make sure that you're

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taking advantage of that okay because it's it's a it's a great thing I believe that God has given

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me a lot of wisdom in this area and and if you're honest in your question you don't beat around the

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bush you just ask it outright I'm going to give you an honest answer and I hope that it helps you

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get unstuck really I do because I'm not successful unless you're successful and so your success is

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very important to me so friends make sure that you catch up watch week one we talked about our

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first reading assignment our first set of homework questions if you didn't do that yet

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you're going to want to do that now we have our next our next we're right now we're going to go

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over week two's questions and homework and reading assignment we're going to unpack it we're going to

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hit some highlights from what you read and what questions were asked of you we're going to talk

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about your relationship advisory circle we're going to do that tonight but next week's reading

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assignments are already available are they Cheryl is it dripping is it ready or is it going to be

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ready after tonight it'll be ready after tonight Cheryl are you talking because I don't hear you

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it'll be after tonight can you guys hear her

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okay that's going to be a problem because I can't hear her so let me see real quick

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you guys can hear me right yes okay um

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turn up the volume Jackie okay maybe I'll do that okay Cheryl let me hear you again

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Cheryl I want to hear you unmute yourself and answer my question again let me see

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it will be dropped off after the class okay I can hear you it was just a situation where

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I had to turn up the volume nothing complicated and you know I feel like that's a word for someone

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you think that solving the problem is going to be so hard and so complicated and you don't even

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want to try because you just think it's going to be so much work and literally it's something very

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easy it's something very easy I can't tell you how many times God has said that to me he has said

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Jackie the solution to this is very easy in fact you know what God said to me one time when I was

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looking under every rock for the answer to a situation that I was in he said Jackie you know

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when you hear the sound of hooves he said it's horses not zebras you're like what on earth does

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that mean it's a saying you guys it's a saying I didn't know it was a saying but it is a saying it

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just means that you know that the that the answer is simpler than you think it is and sometimes we

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make things so complicated we make things so hard and we're running around to elemental p when the

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answer is a to b okay and so if that applies to you in your life you're you know you you hear

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something and you know you're you you're just like oh this is so complicated it's so complex

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it's zebras no it's not it's just horses the answer is simple

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00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.000
Now, I had an inclination, I had a word, if you like that,

223
00:15:05.160 --> 00:15:10.160
that terminology from the Lord, a premonition,

224
00:15:10.160 --> 00:15:14.520
a insight into one of you that posted.

225
00:15:14.520 --> 00:15:16.360
Thank you for posting all your introductions.

226
00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:18.040
If you haven't introduced yourself to this group,

227
00:15:18.040 --> 00:15:19.600
go do it.

228
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:22.320
If you wanna join our bonus Facebook group

229
00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:24.160
for this book club, go do it.

230
00:15:24.160 --> 00:15:25.720
The people from the book club before you

231
00:15:25.720 --> 00:15:26.920
are in there as well.

232
00:15:26.920 --> 00:15:27.920
You can meet new friends,

233
00:15:27.920 --> 00:15:29.720
you can add to your advisory committee,

234
00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:31.320
your advisory circle.

235
00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:33.200
You might not have anyone to add to it,

236
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:34.400
and so you need more folks.

237
00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:35.240
Guess what?

238
00:15:35.240 --> 00:15:37.760
Go join that Facebook group,

239
00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:40.320
because we're just gonna keep adding people in there.

240
00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:41.560
We're not gonna take anyone out.

241
00:15:41.560 --> 00:15:44.040
We're just gonna keep adding people in there

242
00:15:44.040 --> 00:15:45.320
as we do these book clubs.

243
00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:47.120
And so you're gonna start meeting more and more

244
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:48.900
and more people in there, okay?

245
00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:51.880
And we have one more book club after this.

246
00:15:51.880 --> 00:15:53.740
If you have any friends that couldn't do the book club

247
00:15:53.740 --> 00:15:55.480
because it's on a weeknight

248
00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:57.800
and they really don't have bandwidth on weeknights

249
00:15:57.800 --> 00:15:59.240
because they have kids or they have this

250
00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:00.280
or they have that,

251
00:16:00.280 --> 00:16:02.880
I wanna encourage you to tell them

252
00:16:02.880 --> 00:16:06.360
to join the Sunday night book club.

253
00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:09.200
We're gonna be doing a book club on Sunday nights,

254
00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:12.440
and that's going to be awesome.

255
00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:15.520
John says his request was denied, Cheryl,

256
00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:17.160
so if you can check into that,

257
00:16:17.160 --> 00:16:18.560
that will be great as well.

258
00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:20.240
So friends, we're here to help you

259
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:21.560
to engage with each other.

260
00:16:21.560 --> 00:16:24.800
That's what the community-based matchmaking platform

261
00:16:24.800 --> 00:16:26.600
that we have coming out this summer

262
00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:27.960
is gonna be all about.

263
00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:29.560
It's gonna help you meet new people,

264
00:16:29.560 --> 00:16:31.920
it's gonna help you help others meet new people,

265
00:16:31.920 --> 00:16:33.760
and it's gonna be incredible

266
00:16:33.760 --> 00:16:36.040
because a lot of you, that's your main problem.

267
00:16:36.040 --> 00:16:37.800
You don't know anybody.

268
00:16:37.800 --> 00:16:40.960
You are single, but you're also solitary.

269
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:42.920
And I saw that in the last book club

270
00:16:42.920 --> 00:16:45.080
and I'm already seeing it here.

271
00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:49.040
So many people need friends, they need family,

272
00:16:49.040 --> 00:16:52.380
they do not have it, and so we wanna help you have it.

273
00:16:52.380 --> 00:16:53.460
That's what we wanna do.

274
00:16:53.460 --> 00:16:55.160
But anyway, Dani L.,

275
00:16:55.160 --> 00:16:57.560
you have a beautiful flower crown on in your picture.

276
00:16:58.160 --> 00:17:00.440
In fact, two of you ladies were wearing flower crowns

277
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:02.080
in your introductory posts.

278
00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:05.520
And you guys, that just reminded me so much of being brides.

279
00:17:05.520 --> 00:17:08.720
I wore a flower crown at my wedding and I just love that.

280
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:09.880
I love the flower crowns.

281
00:17:09.880 --> 00:17:12.440
In fact, I'm looking outside at this Airbnb

282
00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:15.319
and literally the sign says Flower Street.

283
00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:17.680
I didn't notice that before, but there it is.

284
00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:21.680
And then the sign above that says Sunflowers, come on.

285
00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:24.720
And so when I think of flowers, I think of springtime.

286
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:26.680
And I just wanna speak over Dani L.

287
00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:30.160
that I just really, when I was looking at your picture,

288
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:34.320
I just, I saw you, I saw a beautiful spring bride.

289
00:17:34.320 --> 00:17:36.280
I do believe that your love story

290
00:17:36.280 --> 00:17:37.780
is right around the corner.

291
00:17:37.780 --> 00:17:40.200
And then you might not have been meaning to do this,

292
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:43.400
but in your picture, you're holding your stomach,

293
00:17:43.400 --> 00:17:44.600
you're holding above your stomach

294
00:17:44.600 --> 00:17:46.800
the way people do when they're pregnant.

295
00:17:46.800 --> 00:17:48.440
Now, you don't look pregnant, okay?

296
00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:50.560
You're not fat, I'm not saying anything.

297
00:17:50.560 --> 00:17:52.480
Don't be hearing what I'm not saying, okay?

298
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:53.720
You look beautiful.

299
00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:55.320
I'm just saying that a lot of times

300
00:17:55.320 --> 00:17:56.920
when people are even newly pregnant

301
00:17:56.920 --> 00:17:58.280
and there's nothing showing yet,

302
00:17:58.280 --> 00:18:01.480
they're like, eh, with their hands on their stomach, okay?

303
00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:03.240
And you are like that in the picture.

304
00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:04.920
And so I just wanna let you know

305
00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:07.600
that I do see in the spirit

306
00:18:07.600 --> 00:18:11.000
that there is marriage and family in your future.

307
00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:14.520
And I just want to release that over you.

308
00:18:14.520 --> 00:18:17.120
So if you have been doubting that,

309
00:18:17.120 --> 00:18:19.400
if you've been worried about that not happening

310
00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:20.720
in your life and for you,

311
00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:23.060
I just wanna make sure that you know

312
00:18:23.060 --> 00:18:25.200
that that is definitely something

313
00:18:26.080 --> 00:18:28.440
that is over you and around you, okay?

314
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:29.280
All right, you guys.

315
00:18:29.280 --> 00:18:31.520
So please go watch the replay from last week.

316
00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:33.520
Post your questions in the app.

317
00:18:33.520 --> 00:18:35.520
I'm gonna answer them all throughout the week

318
00:18:35.520 --> 00:18:38.120
before we meet live on Mondays.

319
00:18:38.120 --> 00:18:40.480
Next week, mark your calendar.

320
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:42.400
This is the only time we're gonna be meeting

321
00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:45.600
a different day of the week, Tuesday, not Monday.

322
00:18:45.600 --> 00:18:48.300
Tuesday the 7th, if you come on Monday,

323
00:18:48.300 --> 00:18:51.280
you'll be all by yourself because no one else will be here

324
00:18:51.280 --> 00:18:53.840
except the other people who didn't follow directions,

325
00:18:53.840 --> 00:18:54.880
all right?

326
00:18:55.520 --> 00:18:57.420
Make sure you come on Tuesday.

327
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:00.960
And the reason why is because I'm traveling

328
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:02.120
and so I can't do Monday.

329
00:19:02.120 --> 00:19:04.880
I'll be on a plane, but we're gonna do Tuesday

330
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:06.560
and it's still gonna be great.

331
00:19:06.560 --> 00:19:08.160
All right, all right.

332
00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:10.280
Go ahead and put in the chat where you're watching from,

333
00:19:10.280 --> 00:19:14.960
where you're from, country, city, state.

334
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:18.120
I want people to see who is in here with them.

335
00:19:19.560 --> 00:19:20.400
Take a look.

336
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:21.220
We have North Carolina.

337
00:19:21.220 --> 00:19:22.060
We have Washington.

338
00:19:22.060 --> 00:19:22.900
We have Indiana.

339
00:19:22.900 --> 00:19:24.300
We have New York City.

340
00:19:24.300 --> 00:19:25.180
We have Tennessee.

341
00:19:25.180 --> 00:19:26.340
We have Austin.

342
00:19:26.340 --> 00:19:27.320
Come on.

343
00:19:27.320 --> 00:19:28.420
We have San Diego.

344
00:19:28.420 --> 00:19:29.620
We have Arizona.

345
00:19:29.620 --> 00:19:31.140
We have so many places.

346
00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:33.660
Las Vegas, some of my favorite cities ever.

347
00:19:33.660 --> 00:19:34.500
And you know what?

348
00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:36.580
I'm so glad we have Las Vegas in the house

349
00:19:36.580 --> 00:19:38.280
because we're gonna go over the highlights

350
00:19:38.280 --> 00:19:40.700
from your week two assignment.

351
00:19:40.700 --> 00:19:43.140
And in week two, you learned that these apps

352
00:19:43.140 --> 00:19:44.900
are a casino, baby.

353
00:19:45.900 --> 00:19:48.720
These apps are a casino.

354
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:52.880
Now friends, do you think that in the capitalist country

355
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:54.360
that we live in, in America,

356
00:19:54.360 --> 00:19:56.000
for those of you that are Americans,

357
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.840
do you think anyone is gonna do anything to help people

358
00:19:58.840 --> 00:20:00.040
that doesn't make them?

359
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.920
money. Their primary focus is not helping you meet someone,

360
00:20:04.080 --> 00:20:06.680
not helping you fall in love, not helping you get married.

361
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:11.560
Their primary focus is Ka-ching, Ka-ching. Okay.

362
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:14.040
Not you being a winner, but them being a winner.

363
00:20:14.040 --> 00:20:18.640
And so the apps were designed with the same psychology

364
00:20:18.680 --> 00:20:22.120
as a casino, specifically a slot machine.

365
00:20:23.560 --> 00:20:25.160
Now, if you've ever played the slots,

366
00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:29.920
the slots allow you to have little wins, little wins,

367
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.040
because they know if you don't have a little win,

368
00:20:32.080 --> 00:20:35.840
that you're not going to continue to put your money in it in hopes of the big

369
00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:39.280
win. If you don't have a little win, you're just going to give up like, Oh,

370
00:20:39.280 --> 00:20:43.160
this is a scam. This doesn't work. Right?

371
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:46.280
I don't know if you know this, but those,

372
00:20:46.600 --> 00:20:50.120
those little claws that go and they go down and they get the stuffed animal,

373
00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:52.600
or they go down and get the things. You guys know that those,

374
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:56.440
those machines that you put your money in and the claw goes out and get its

375
00:20:56.440 --> 00:20:59.680
little stuffed animal, or it gets another little toy of some sort.

376
00:21:00.320 --> 00:21:03.360
Those things that the actual claw itself,

377
00:21:03.400 --> 00:21:07.920
the strength of it being able to grab and take something all the way over and

378
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:08.760
drop it.

379
00:21:09.320 --> 00:21:13.600
It is intermittent meaning that it's not a game of skill.

380
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:16.400
I know you think it's a game of skill, but it's not. It's,

381
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:20.320
it's a game of chance meaning that if you're the person that just happens to put

382
00:21:20.320 --> 00:21:25.000
your money in on the time that the machine is programmed to have a strong

383
00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:27.760
claw, then you're going to win.

384
00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:31.720
And the reason why is because somebody has to win because otherwise nobody would

385
00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:35.160
play. Same thing with slot machines.

386
00:21:35.560 --> 00:21:40.240
They are programmed to have little tiny trickles of winnings,

387
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:44.600
$10 here, $20 there, 40, 50, a hundred dollars.

388
00:21:44.800 --> 00:21:49.760
And then every once in a while the house gives up a larger win just to

389
00:21:49.760 --> 00:21:53.600
prove that it works. Because if no one ever won any kind of jackpot,

390
00:21:53.600 --> 00:21:57.280
all the people that habitually and

391
00:21:58.320 --> 00:22:01.360
loyally play slot machines would stop playing.

392
00:22:03.800 --> 00:22:06.720
You're like, well, no one will ever know if anyone won or not. That's not true.

393
00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:10.560
You guys, people that go to casinos and play slots, they do it all the time.

394
00:22:11.480 --> 00:22:14.200
They do it all the time. They're there every payday,

395
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:18.360
playing the slot machines, hoping that hoping that they're going to be the lotto

396
00:22:18.360 --> 00:22:22.280
winner. Right? So people play the lottery. If nobody ever won,

397
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:28.240
right? But all the times that nobody wins the power ball,

398
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:31.880
nobody wins the super lot or nobody wins the pick three, pick four, pick five,

399
00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:33.040
whatever it is.

400
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:38.680
So I just want to encourage you guys to understand that dating apps are the same

401
00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:41.000
thing. They want you to have matches.

402
00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:46.960
They're purposely showing you people that other people have swiped on.

403
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:51.680
It's an algorithm. It's not random. If somebody's getting swiped on a lot,

404
00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:54.400
they're making sure that that person gets in front of other people.

405
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:58.360
Their dating profile gets in front of other people because they want to up the

406
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:03.360
chances of you staying on that app because you think and believe that there's

407
00:23:03.800 --> 00:23:08.280
people that you could be compatible with and you could get, you know,

408
00:23:08.320 --> 00:23:12.560
you could get in a right relationship with there's even profiles that are not

409
00:23:12.560 --> 00:23:15.640
real. That's right.

410
00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:18.440
And I'm not talking about scammers or spammers making them.

411
00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:20.360
I'm talking about the apps themselves.

412
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:26.440
The apps themselves have profiles on there that look real that people would feel

413
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:33.520
like, Oh, this is a great, a great person. I'm going to swipe on this person.

414
00:23:33.520 --> 00:23:37.680
Why? Because they want you to believe that there's great people on there and

415
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:38.320
there is,

416
00:23:38.320 --> 00:23:42.280
and people do meet good people on there and people do get married from apps.

417
00:23:42.600 --> 00:23:46.360
Not saying they don't, but we have to start playing their game.

418
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:49.960
We have to start beating them at their own game,

419
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:54.120
don't we? And that's what this chapter is about.

420
00:23:54.320 --> 00:23:57.640
This chapter is about Sandra's 11 hours. You wrote,

421
00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:02.120
you read about my client Sandra. How many of you see yourself in that?

422
00:24:02.360 --> 00:24:06.600
When you did that exercise, how many hours have I put on the app?

423
00:24:06.600 --> 00:24:11.600
How much investment have I put into swiping with really little to no fruit?

424
00:24:13.160 --> 00:24:15.600
And I want you to go ahead and put the results of that work.

425
00:24:15.600 --> 00:24:17.000
Go ahead and put it in the chat.

426
00:24:17.600 --> 00:24:21.320
How many years have you been on apps with no, no good results?

427
00:24:21.600 --> 00:24:26.040
How many months, how many hours have you, do you put in a week,

428
00:24:26.280 --> 00:24:29.120
swiping, hoping for the winner, winner, chicken dinner?

429
00:24:29.120 --> 00:24:29.960
Okay.

430
00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:47.520
Some of you don't know where the ebook is for this course.

431
00:24:47.520 --> 00:24:48.880
So you haven't read anything yet.

432
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:53.080
It is right there in the welcome packet in your

433
00:24:53.600 --> 00:24:57.200
very first assignment, the welcome,

434
00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:00.000
the welcome module in your.

435
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.200
group on the app.

436
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.960
Some people have given up on apps.

437
00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:10.960
Jen says 12 years, 12 years with nothing to show for it.

438
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:15.240
Some of you have 13 years here with Kim.

439
00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:17.440
Kim's like, I've been on there for 13 years.

440
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:19.840
15 years on and off.

441
00:25:19.840 --> 00:25:22.400
You guys, I'm not saying that apps are not tools.

442
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:24.880
And I'm not saying that we can't use them and have success.

443
00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:26.680
But we have to learn how to use them right.

444
00:25:26.680 --> 00:25:29.600
Otherwise, the house always wins.

445
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:32.280
In Vegas, just so you know, the house always wins.

446
00:25:32.280 --> 00:25:35.120
Because if someone starts beating the house,

447
00:25:35.120 --> 00:25:37.760
the people that are lurking around

448
00:25:37.760 --> 00:25:39.960
that you don't see because you don't understand

449
00:25:39.960 --> 00:25:42.760
what they look like, they're going to want to know why.

450
00:25:42.760 --> 00:25:45.520
They're going to want to know why you're winning at the blackjack

451
00:25:45.520 --> 00:25:48.600
table or why you're winning here or there.

452
00:25:48.600 --> 00:25:50.560
And trust me, they're going to take you aside

453
00:25:50.560 --> 00:25:53.880
and have a little chat with you.

454
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:54.880
Right?

455
00:25:54.880 --> 00:25:57.840
Not saying they're the mafia, but I am saying this.

456
00:25:57.840 --> 00:26:00.760
The house always wins.

457
00:26:00.760 --> 00:26:07.200
So we have to play a different game in order to win.

458
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:12.840
Six months, lots of you have been single all your lives,

459
00:26:12.840 --> 00:26:15.440
have never had a relationship.

460
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:20.560
Two to three years on and off, two years here and there.

461
00:26:20.560 --> 00:26:25.000
I hope you guys found your scripts from week one.

462
00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:27.560
I hope you guys are paying attention to those scripts

463
00:26:27.560 --> 00:26:30.480
that you've been running.

464
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:30.980
All right.

465
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:37.000
All right.

466
00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:37.880
Good stuff, you guys.

467
00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:39.500
All right, so everyone saw that there's

468
00:26:39.500 --> 00:26:42.200
a lot of people that have been on the apps with no results

469
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:44.720
for a really, really long time.

470
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:48.360
A lot of people.

471
00:26:48.360 --> 00:26:50.200
All right, so here's a sentence.

472
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:52.560
I want you to screenshot it, write it down.

473
00:26:52.560 --> 00:26:54.960
Cheryl, if you can scribe it into the comments.

474
00:26:57.560 --> 00:26:58.060
OK.

475
00:27:07.560 --> 00:27:08.400
Ready?

476
00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:10.360
A matchmaker succeeds.

477
00:27:10.360 --> 00:27:13.160
A matchmaker, or a community-based matchmaking

478
00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:19.520
program, succeeds when you don't need us anymore.

479
00:27:19.520 --> 00:27:25.120
An app only succeeds when you stay on it.

480
00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:27.600
I want you guys to get that in your head.

481
00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:30.480
Because some of you believe that the app is your hero,

482
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:33.320
it's your savior, it is your rescuer.

483
00:27:33.320 --> 00:27:36.240
And the reason why I say you believe that is because you're

484
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:37.640
treating it that way.

485
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:39.760
You get anxious.

486
00:27:39.760 --> 00:27:41.680
You get anxious about the app.

487
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:44.160
You get anxious when you're meeting someone,

488
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:47.720
thinking that there's something better out there,

489
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:50.000
and that you need to get back on the apps to find it,

490
00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:51.600
or you need to get back on the internet,

491
00:27:51.600 --> 00:27:53.320
or you need to do whatever.

492
00:27:53.320 --> 00:27:55.400
And maybe it's not the apps for you.

493
00:27:55.400 --> 00:27:56.800
Maybe it's something else that you

494
00:27:56.800 --> 00:28:00.560
think is going to be the magic bullet of happiness

495
00:28:00.560 --> 00:28:02.920
that has to do with your love life or your dating life.

496
00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:06.800
You get super anxious about not being

497
00:28:06.800 --> 00:28:11.240
able to continue to get more and more options.

498
00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:13.320
And this is what happens to people when

499
00:28:13.320 --> 00:28:15.160
they meet people as well.

500
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:19.600
They believe that there's this endless list of options,

501
00:28:19.600 --> 00:28:23.480
and that they need to make sure that this is the one.

502
00:28:23.480 --> 00:28:24.320
This is the one.

503
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:25.560
This has to be the one.

504
00:28:25.560 --> 00:28:29.440
If this is not the one, then I'm missing my spirit

505
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:32.840
mate out there somewhere by choosing this person.

506
00:28:32.840 --> 00:28:34.560
And you're going to learn in this book club

507
00:28:34.560 --> 00:28:37.640
that there's always going to be someone out there that

508
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:44.040
is better than the person you're talking to in theory.

509
00:28:44.040 --> 00:28:45.320
They're a little bit taller.

510
00:28:45.320 --> 00:28:46.840
They're a little bit better looking.

511
00:28:46.840 --> 00:28:48.880
Maybe they have a little bit more money in their bank

512
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:50.760
account, right?

513
00:28:50.760 --> 00:28:54.880
Perhaps they don't have this or they do have that.

514
00:28:54.880 --> 00:28:56.360
It doesn't matter.

515
00:28:56.360 --> 00:29:01.960
You have to start understanding that the perfect person does

516
00:29:01.960 --> 00:29:07.120
not exist, and that every single person that you choose,

517
00:29:07.120 --> 00:29:09.080
there's going to be someone out there that

518
00:29:09.080 --> 00:29:12.800
has something in some category more or less or better

519
00:29:12.800 --> 00:29:14.160
than them.

520
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:16.720
But you have to look at the person as a whole.

521
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:18.960
And that's why we're going to work on non-negotiables

522
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:22.560
versus preferences, because this is what happens on these apps.

523
00:29:22.560 --> 00:29:24.280
You get on these apps, and if you're not

524
00:29:24.280 --> 00:29:27.520
armed with the understanding that nobody is going

525
00:29:27.520 --> 00:29:32.960
to have everything that you want or the best of the things

526
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:35.600
that you want, and that you're going

527
00:29:35.600 --> 00:29:39.120
to have to make it work with anyone,

528
00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:43.000
no matter who you choose, you're going to be swiping forever.

529
00:29:43.800 --> 00:29:47.040
Do you guys believe me?

530
00:29:47.040 --> 00:29:50.080
Do you guys know this game that the kids play, Gen Z plays?

531
00:29:50.080 --> 00:29:51.440
It's called Make It or Break It.

532
00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:54.040
Raise your hand if you know what Make It or Break It is.

533
00:29:54.040 --> 00:29:56.040
Put your hand up.

534
00:29:56.040 --> 00:29:57.600
Let me see.

535
00:29:57.600 --> 00:29:59.600
Do you know what it is?

536
00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:01.600
Raise your hand.

537
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.600
No, there's two versions of it.

538
00:30:01.600 --> 00:30:03.600
Do you know what it is?

539
00:30:03.600 --> 00:30:05.600
Raise your hand.

540
00:30:03.600 --> 00:30:06.360
There's a version of it that sounds like

541
00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:07.600
Do you know what it is?

542
00:30:06.360 --> 00:30:07.880
they're a 10, but,

543
00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:09.600
Raise your hand.

544
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:13.920
and then they usually add some kind of crazy thing to that.

545
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:15.080
Like for instance,

546
00:30:16.440 --> 00:30:18.720
she's a 10, but

547
00:30:19.960 --> 00:30:21.960
she has 12 toes.

548
00:30:25.280 --> 00:30:26.420
Yes or no.

549
00:30:26.420 --> 00:30:28.920
This is what the kids play, right?

550
00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:32.440
And then the other version of make it or break it is

551
00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:35.280
they have, they're everything you ever wanted,

552
00:30:35.280 --> 00:30:38.240
but they have chronic halitosis.

553
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:39.380
Make it or break it.

554
00:30:44.560 --> 00:30:47.760
Apparently some of you haven't played this game.

555
00:30:47.760 --> 00:30:48.620
You've never heard of it.

556
00:30:48.620 --> 00:30:49.460
That's okay.

557
00:30:49.460 --> 00:30:50.960
Cause I have Gen Z kids.

558
00:30:50.960 --> 00:30:52.120
My kids are,

559
00:30:53.560 --> 00:30:55.080
how old are they?

560
00:30:55.080 --> 00:30:59.400
25, 28 and 31.

561
00:30:59.400 --> 00:31:02.280
So I have, I've played this game

562
00:31:02.280 --> 00:31:04.400
and I've heard them playing this game.

563
00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:09.400
So there's always going to be a decision

564
00:31:09.780 --> 00:31:11.280
to either make it or break it.

565
00:31:12.520 --> 00:31:15.480
And you need to make sure that if you are breaking it,

566
00:31:15.480 --> 00:31:17.140
it's for a darn good reason.

567
00:31:19.460 --> 00:31:21.080
For instance, when I met my next door neighbor,

568
00:31:21.080 --> 00:31:23.200
who's now my husband of 20 years,

569
00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:26.400
he's two inches shorter than me in my bare feet, ladies.

570
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:27.920
In my bare feet,

571
00:31:29.240 --> 00:31:31.840
bro stands two inches below me.

572
00:31:35.600 --> 00:31:38.640
And for some of you, that would be a break it.

573
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:41.560
And what I want to say to that is, that's ridiculous.

574
00:31:42.760 --> 00:31:47.320
Now, if you're five feet tall and he's 4'10", maybe.

575
00:31:48.560 --> 00:31:50.360
Maybe, but maybe not.

576
00:31:50.360 --> 00:31:53.280
Cause you're super short too, okay?

577
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:56.240
You're really small as well.

578
00:32:00.040 --> 00:32:01.440
So I just want to let you guys know

579
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:04.880
that a lot of the things that you would break it over

580
00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:06.360
are probably not going to make it

581
00:32:06.360 --> 00:32:09.600
onto your non-negotiable list as we move forward.

582
00:32:09.600 --> 00:32:13.800
And this is why the slot machine mentality is not good

583
00:32:13.800 --> 00:32:18.800
paired with the preferences over non-negotiable mentality.

584
00:32:19.240 --> 00:32:22.040
Do you see how those two things wouldn't go well together?

585
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:23.880
Cause why?

586
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:25.480
Because when you're in the slot machine,

587
00:32:25.480 --> 00:32:27.000
also known as the dating app,

588
00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:30.440
you are looking for what you think you want.

589
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:33.320
Based on what?

590
00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:38.960
Some bad pictures and a badly written profile?

591
00:32:40.320 --> 00:32:41.380
Based on what?

592
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:46.640
Guys, I do this as my vocation, as my business tree,

593
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:48.040
my business ministry.

594
00:32:48.080 --> 00:32:50.360
You know how many dating profiles I've seen?

595
00:32:50.360 --> 00:32:52.400
Do you know how many dating profiles

596
00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:57.400
that really were a good example of who that person was

597
00:32:59.080 --> 00:33:00.600
and even what they looked like?

598
00:33:00.600 --> 00:33:03.800
First of all, gentlemen, why is this your photo?

599
00:33:03.800 --> 00:33:06.680
Why is this your photo?

600
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:08.880
Stop taking photos like that.

601
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:12.440
I'm tired of seeing men's necks and they're like this.

602
00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:16.000
Like you're down on the seat, like no, no.

603
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:20.760
Out and up a little bit, out and up a little bit, okay?

604
00:33:21.840 --> 00:33:26.640
But I've yet to really see quality dating profiles,

605
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:28.040
which of course we're gonna help you with

606
00:33:28.040 --> 00:33:30.120
when you're in your love story accelerator

607
00:33:30.120 --> 00:33:32.360
and last year single, we're gonna help you with that.

608
00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:34.800
We're gonna help you to represent yourself well.

609
00:33:34.800 --> 00:33:39.760
We do a dating resume, that's an exercise that you do,

610
00:33:39.760 --> 00:33:42.400
finding out like why should someone date you?

611
00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:43.440
What makes you wonderful?

612
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:45.240
What would make you a good partner?

613
00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:47.880
And really taking that and honing it down

614
00:33:47.880 --> 00:33:49.880
and making it into a dating profile.

615
00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:51.440
But I'm just gonna tell you guys,

616
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:53.480
this is why the slot machine thing is not good.

617
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:56.160
You're just going on images.

618
00:33:56.160 --> 00:33:58.600
You're just going on bad information

619
00:33:58.600 --> 00:34:00.120
about who this person is

620
00:34:00.120 --> 00:34:02.360
and it's probably not accurate for real life

621
00:34:02.360 --> 00:34:04.320
and so it's really, really hard.

622
00:34:04.320 --> 00:34:08.120
So the psychology of gambling with your love life

623
00:34:08.120 --> 00:34:09.040
is not good.

624
00:34:09.040 --> 00:34:12.480
And you guys, this whole digital romance era

625
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:13.800
that we're living in,

626
00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:18.320
it has given way to ghosting, comparison trap,

627
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:20.199
digital intimacy, what's that?

628
00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:22.920
That's texting back and forth with someone

629
00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:25.840
and thinking that you know them and you don't

630
00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:29.239
and getting into this cyber romance with someone

631
00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:31.679
and building up this fantasy of who they are

632
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:33.480
and then eventually meeting them in person

633
00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:35.040
and realizing, number one,

634
00:34:35.040 --> 00:34:36.760
that's not who I thought they were.

635
00:34:36.760 --> 00:34:39.320
Number two, everything that I've created in my mind

636
00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:40.159
is not real.

637
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:43.480
Number three, in the in-person chemistry is non-existent.

638
00:34:43.480 --> 00:34:46.320
Did anyone else, did that happen to anybody else?

639
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:47.920
Can I see you in the chat?

640
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:52.040
If you have built up an idea of who someone is in your mind

641
00:34:52.920 --> 00:34:54.800
and when you met them in real life,

642
00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:57.320
that wasn't who they were.

643
00:34:57.320 --> 00:34:59.080
They weren't like that at all.

644
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.400
Yeah, it's hard.

645
00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:06.400
It's rough stuff.

646
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:07.400
Okay.

647
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:08.400
All right.

648
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:11.560
So what are we going to do, friends?

649
00:35:11.560 --> 00:35:13.480
And I said all that to get to this point.

650
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:17.280
I'm going to ask you to pause your dating apps.

651
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.280
It's the honor system.

652
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:22.140
I'm not going to come to your house and see if your dating apps are paused, but I'm going

653
00:35:22.140 --> 00:35:29.560
to ask you to pause them because I want to shift your mindset about them.

654
00:35:29.560 --> 00:35:33.960
When you do get back on them, because if you do get back on them, we want you to get

655
00:35:33.960 --> 00:35:38.040
back on them as the house and not the player.

656
00:35:38.040 --> 00:35:45.560
We want you to get back on them poised and positioned to win, to win, to go through the

657
00:35:45.560 --> 00:35:49.960
profiles, to be able to see what you need to see, be able to discard what you want to

658
00:35:49.960 --> 00:35:55.360
discard based on what you have learned in this book club.

659
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:58.040
Because by the time you're at the end of this book club, you're going to have tools that

660
00:35:58.040 --> 00:35:59.040
you do not have now.

661
00:35:59.040 --> 00:36:04.560
And you're going to be able to see very quickly, either from their profile or from the first

662
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:14.680
couple chats, even basic chats, whether or not this person is compatible, marriage minded,

663
00:36:14.680 --> 00:36:15.680
marriage ready.

664
00:36:15.680 --> 00:36:18.680
Not that they're going to marry you, but you don't want to waste your time with anyone

665
00:36:18.680 --> 00:36:23.880
who doesn't have the things we're going to talk about in later weeks.

666
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:26.520
And for all of you, it's going to be different because not all of you need the same things

667
00:36:26.520 --> 00:36:27.520
in relationship.

668
00:36:27.520 --> 00:36:28.520
Cool.

669
00:36:28.520 --> 00:36:29.520
Okay.

670
00:36:29.520 --> 00:36:33.800
So let's start talking about our advisory committees.

671
00:36:33.800 --> 00:36:35.360
The village that we lost.

672
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:37.000
Was this mind blowing for you guys?

673
00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:44.160
Did you guys really start to see what has happened to society in just the last 100 years?

674
00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:51.200
You guys just the last 100 years, just forget all the time before it's crazy, right?

675
00:36:51.200 --> 00:36:55.080
Hopefully it's taken some pressure off you to understand that you live in a society,

676
00:36:55.080 --> 00:37:03.800
in a culture that God matched you with that is very disconnected from itself.

677
00:37:03.800 --> 00:37:06.480
It's not even your fault.

678
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:08.200
You're born into this.

679
00:37:08.200 --> 00:37:13.480
You inherited this, not just from your family, from society.

680
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:17.360
And it's good for you to know that, but it's also important for you to understand that

681
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:20.120
you are the help.

682
00:37:20.120 --> 00:37:21.560
You're the solution to this problem.

683
00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:25.360
By the time we get to the end of this book club, you are going to be ready to be your

684
00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:28.640
own matchmaker and to be the matchmaker for others.

685
00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:32.480
Because that's the only way this works is if we bring back this village and on my new

686
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:36.080
matchmaking platform that you guys are going to love.

687
00:37:36.080 --> 00:37:37.680
It's different than anything you've ever seen.

688
00:37:37.680 --> 00:37:42.080
It takes the best of the best about dating apps and the best of the best about my last

689
00:37:42.080 --> 00:37:46.600
year single community and matchmaking, and it marries them together to where the only

690
00:37:46.600 --> 00:37:52.080
people that you're going to have any kind of interaction with are true people that are

691
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:56.560
someone's partner because they've done the work.

692
00:37:56.560 --> 00:37:57.560
They're ready.

693
00:37:57.560 --> 00:37:58.600
They're marriage minded.

694
00:37:58.600 --> 00:38:00.000
They have their ducks in a row.

695
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:01.920
They know what's up.

696
00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:05.560
And you're either going to introduce them to someone else, you know, because they're

697
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:09.400
an amazing person or you're going to lock them down for yourself.

698
00:38:09.400 --> 00:38:11.160
It's going to be incredible.

699
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:13.160
And I'm so excited about it, obviously.

700
00:38:13.160 --> 00:38:14.160
All right.

701
00:38:14.160 --> 00:38:15.800
So we're bringing back the village.

702
00:38:15.800 --> 00:38:20.200
We are bringing back the village and y'all are villagers.

703
00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:23.160
Marisol, you're hilarious.

704
00:38:23.160 --> 00:38:24.960
Bringing back the village.

705
00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:25.960
Okay.

706
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:31.840
So you guys read about Marcus and Dana, right?

707
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:36.200
And you guys, so many, there's so many couples, so many couples that have been connected through

708
00:38:36.200 --> 00:38:37.200
me.

709
00:38:37.200 --> 00:38:40.160
I've match made them, introduced them or couples that have connected through the last year

710
00:38:40.160 --> 00:38:42.720
single ecosystem.

711
00:38:42.720 --> 00:38:47.240
But they were already people that were connected.

712
00:38:47.240 --> 00:38:48.320
They just didn't know it.

713
00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:50.320
They needed someone to connect the dots.

714
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:53.160
They needed someone to finish the circle.

715
00:38:53.160 --> 00:38:54.160
They were already connected.

716
00:38:54.160 --> 00:39:01.640
You guys, we had one couple that there's literally photo evidence of them dancing on the same

717
00:39:01.640 --> 00:39:07.260
dance floor at a wedding of a mutual that both of them had.

718
00:39:07.260 --> 00:39:08.760
They did not, it was a big wedding.

719
00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:11.040
They did not meet at that wedding.

720
00:39:11.040 --> 00:39:18.800
There's a photograph of the bride and groom dancing on the dance floor and in the picture,

721
00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:23.640
they are both getting jiggy with it on different sides of the dance floor with a different

722
00:39:23.640 --> 00:39:28.600
group of people at the wedding, but they're both in the photo.

723
00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:29.600
Guess what?

724
00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:33.520
They also both worked at the same company.

725
00:39:33.520 --> 00:39:38.320
And when they went back to work, I think it was like four or five months later.

726
00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:42.400
The company had a company-wide seminar that was mandatory.

727
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:46.080
They both went to it and they met there.

728
00:39:46.080 --> 00:39:47.360
That's where they met.

729
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:52.560
Even though they had been ships passing in the night, right?

730
00:39:52.560 --> 00:39:54.560
Yes.

731
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:55.560
That's not Marks and Dana.

732
00:39:55.560 --> 00:39:59.080
That's, this is a different couple that I'm talking about, but you guys photo evidence.

733
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.500
My current husband that was my next door neighbor,

734
00:40:04.500 --> 00:40:08.320
I saw him two years before he moved in next door to me.

735
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:10.240
You know how many mutual friends we had?

736
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:11.600
At least a dozen.

737
00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:14.780
And I don't mean like far off acquaintances,

738
00:40:14.780 --> 00:40:17.200
close mutual friends.

739
00:40:18.160 --> 00:40:19.880
Now our situation is a little bit different

740
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:23.120
because two years before he moved in as my neighbor,

741
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:24.720
we were both married to other people.

742
00:40:24.720 --> 00:40:27.500
So it wouldn't have been good if we met then, would it?

743
00:40:27.500 --> 00:40:29.200
It wouldn't have been good.

744
00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:30.420
You're like, well then how did you see him

745
00:40:30.420 --> 00:40:31.380
two years before, Jackie?

746
00:40:31.380 --> 00:40:32.740
I'm glad you asked.

747
00:40:32.740 --> 00:40:36.340
I was at a outdoor event at a church that I did not attend.

748
00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:38.700
It was not my church, it was a mega church.

749
00:40:38.700 --> 00:40:41.660
And I was at this church because my friend had invited me

750
00:40:41.660 --> 00:40:44.440
to this outdoor festival that the church was having

751
00:40:44.440 --> 00:40:45.820
to bring my little daughter to it

752
00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:47.460
because it would be fun for the kids.

753
00:40:47.460 --> 00:40:49.700
So I brought my little daughter to this festival

754
00:40:49.700 --> 00:40:51.620
and up on the Jumbotron,

755
00:40:51.620 --> 00:40:54.540
yes, they had a big Jumbotron outside,

756
00:40:54.540 --> 00:40:56.740
they were showing funny videos of pranks

757
00:40:56.740 --> 00:40:58.940
that they had played on their staff members.

758
00:40:59.680 --> 00:41:01.160
And right as I was leaving,

759
00:41:01.160 --> 00:41:04.100
the last prank that I saw came on the screen

760
00:41:04.100 --> 00:41:06.160
and it was super funny and I was laughing

761
00:41:06.160 --> 00:41:07.680
and it was really hilarious prank

762
00:41:07.680 --> 00:41:10.120
that they had played on their youth pastor.

763
00:41:10.120 --> 00:41:12.160
And I asked my friend who invited me,

764
00:41:12.160 --> 00:41:14.540
I said, hey, I said, did that guy

765
00:41:14.540 --> 00:41:16.200
that was in that prank video,

766
00:41:16.200 --> 00:41:19.240
I said, did he ever live in Cleveland?

767
00:41:19.240 --> 00:41:20.900
And she's like, I don't think so.

768
00:41:20.900 --> 00:41:21.740
And she's like, why?

769
00:41:21.740 --> 00:41:23.960
And I was like, I know him from somewhere.

770
00:41:23.960 --> 00:41:26.080
I think we might've gone to school together.

771
00:41:26.080 --> 00:41:27.920
He's just so familiar to me.

772
00:41:27.940 --> 00:41:30.520
Well, yeah, because he was my future husband.

773
00:41:32.820 --> 00:41:35.040
Can't make this stuff up, y'all.

774
00:41:35.040 --> 00:41:39.240
I felt drawn to him and not because it was like, dang,

775
00:41:39.240 --> 00:41:41.720
come on, baby, you looking good.

776
00:41:41.720 --> 00:41:43.500
It was because there was something about him

777
00:41:43.500 --> 00:41:45.620
that was so familiar,

778
00:41:45.620 --> 00:41:48.300
I knew that I knew him from somewhere.

779
00:41:48.300 --> 00:41:50.540
And where I knew him from is my love story.

780
00:41:50.540 --> 00:41:52.260
He's written in my love story.

781
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:54.200
Now you're like, Jackie,

782
00:41:54.200 --> 00:41:56.180
that sounds a lot like the fairy tale script.

783
00:41:56.180 --> 00:41:58.980
No, the fairy tale script would sound like,

784
00:41:58.980 --> 00:42:03.720
oh, I just, if I meet the person,

785
00:42:03.720 --> 00:42:06.000
I'm just gonna know that they're my future spouse.

786
00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:08.160
And there's gonna have to be

787
00:42:08.160 --> 00:42:11.080
some magical moment of intensity.

788
00:42:11.080 --> 00:42:14.720
No, when he moved in next door to me, I yelled at him.

789
00:42:14.720 --> 00:42:16.920
I yelled at him the first day I ever met him.

790
00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:19.720
And the reason why is because I thought he was a sex offender

791
00:42:19.720 --> 00:42:21.120
from the sex offender email

792
00:42:21.120 --> 00:42:23.360
that I got the week before he moved in

793
00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:24.760
that told me that a sex offender

794
00:42:24.780 --> 00:42:26.420
was moving into my neighborhood.

795
00:42:27.380 --> 00:42:29.460
That doesn't sound like the fairy tale script, does it?

796
00:42:29.460 --> 00:42:30.960
No, it does not.

797
00:42:32.340 --> 00:42:34.980
And then I didn't find out he was the guy from the video

798
00:42:34.980 --> 00:42:36.820
that I felt so drawn to

799
00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:39.060
until two years after we were married.

800
00:42:41.580 --> 00:42:42.940
We were moving.

801
00:42:42.940 --> 00:42:45.060
And he's like, babe, come watch this funny video.

802
00:42:45.060 --> 00:42:46.520
And he popped a VCR tape,

803
00:42:46.520 --> 00:42:49.260
that's how old the story is, into the VCR.

804
00:42:49.260 --> 00:42:52.220
And it was that video from the outside event

805
00:42:52.240 --> 00:42:54.880
that I went to two years before I ever met him.

806
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:56.440
And now it was four years later.

807
00:42:56.440 --> 00:42:59.220
And I was like, oh my God.

808
00:42:59.220 --> 00:43:02.660
I was like, I saw that video.

809
00:43:02.660 --> 00:43:04.080
I thought that I knew you.

810
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:06.280
It's crazy.

811
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:09.640
Crazy, crazy, y'all.

812
00:43:09.640 --> 00:43:10.840
Crazy stuff.

813
00:43:10.840 --> 00:43:12.740
So I say all that to say this,

814
00:43:12.740 --> 00:43:14.480
the six degrees of separation is true

815
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:18.040
and the odds of your future spouse

816
00:43:18.040 --> 00:43:20.200
somehow being connected to your life,

817
00:43:20.200 --> 00:43:23.700
even right now as we speak, is very big.

818
00:43:25.140 --> 00:43:27.820
Somebody knows somebody that knows somebody

819
00:43:27.820 --> 00:43:29.140
that knows your spirit mate.

820
00:43:29.140 --> 00:43:32.780
And I'm about to put that theory into action

821
00:43:32.780 --> 00:43:34.340
on my new matchmaking platform

822
00:43:34.340 --> 00:43:35.980
because I know that it's true.

823
00:43:35.980 --> 00:43:36.980
I've had a front row seat

824
00:43:36.980 --> 00:43:39.940
to almost 2,000 love stories, you guys.

825
00:43:39.940 --> 00:43:43.860
I know that in every single one of these stories,

826
00:43:43.860 --> 00:43:45.900
there were connected dots.

827
00:43:47.700 --> 00:43:48.660
Do you believe it?

828
00:43:49.640 --> 00:43:50.880
That's all that really matters.

829
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:52.320
Now, is every once in a while,

830
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:53.720
does someone get married to someone

831
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:55.320
like from some foreign country

832
00:43:55.320 --> 00:43:57.080
and there's nothing in common at all

833
00:43:57.080 --> 00:43:59.840
as far as they know and blah, blah, blah?

834
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:02.040
Yeah, I guess so.

835
00:44:02.040 --> 00:44:03.880
But that's the exception to the rule.

836
00:44:05.400 --> 00:44:07.600
That's the exception to the rule.

837
00:44:07.600 --> 00:44:11.640
I'm gonna tell you, we are connected.

838
00:44:11.640 --> 00:44:13.360
How do you explain these crazy stories

839
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:15.520
where two twins are separated at birth

840
00:44:15.540 --> 00:44:18.980
and then they end up kind of doing life

841
00:44:18.980 --> 00:44:20.860
in the same vicinity as each other?

842
00:44:20.860 --> 00:44:22.300
You guys see these stories?

843
00:44:24.440 --> 00:44:25.380
Do you see them?

844
00:44:25.380 --> 00:44:27.500
They shop at the same grocery store or something

845
00:44:27.500 --> 00:44:29.420
and all of a sudden someone's like,

846
00:44:29.420 --> 00:44:31.820
oh, hey, you look like so-and-so.

847
00:44:31.820 --> 00:44:33.260
They could be your twin.

848
00:44:34.100 --> 00:44:35.620
Oh, well, they are your twin.

849
00:44:37.620 --> 00:44:39.220
What?

850
00:44:39.220 --> 00:44:40.540
Crazy, okay.

851
00:44:41.380 --> 00:44:42.980
I hope you guys are getting excited.

852
00:44:42.980 --> 00:44:45.340
I hope that makes you feel excited.

853
00:44:46.340 --> 00:44:50.520
Yes, Marcus and Dana, we connected the dots for them.

854
00:44:50.520 --> 00:44:51.360
We introduced them.

855
00:44:51.360 --> 00:44:52.240
We match made them.

856
00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:54.520
But when they rolled the tapes back,

857
00:44:54.520 --> 00:44:58.200
they realized that they could have met years earlier.

858
00:44:58.200 --> 00:45:00.240
And that's why it's so important, friends.

859
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.480
To not just be in the right place at the right time, but to be in the right place

860
00:45:03.680 --> 00:45:07.920
at the right time with the right heart, with the right heart.

861
00:45:08.120 --> 00:45:09.520
Very, very important.

862
00:45:09.720 --> 00:45:12.080
All right. We're going to go into some breakout rooms.

863
00:45:12.280 --> 00:45:16.120
All right. So that brings me to your advisory circle.

864
00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:18.280
A lot of people have reported to me that

865
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:24.000
they have no idea who they would ask to be part of this relationship advisory circle.

866
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:29.320
Just to recap, here are the things that the four things that your advisors must

867
00:45:29.520 --> 00:45:32.640
have, they must know you well.

868
00:45:32.840 --> 00:45:36.840
Not the highlight reel of you, the real you.

869
00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:39.360
That means that they see how you act in

870
00:45:39.560 --> 00:45:43.400
relationships, not romantic relationships, in regular relationships.

871
00:45:43.600 --> 00:45:49.120
They see your personas in relationships, OK?

872
00:45:49.320 --> 00:45:50.440
They are. That's number one.

873
00:45:50.640 --> 00:45:53.760
Number two, they have to be able to be honest with you.

874
00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:55.400
This these are people that you've given

875
00:45:55.600 --> 00:45:59.720
permission to be direct with you, to not sugarcoat things with you.

876
00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:02.600
Not just to be kind, but to be real.

877
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:08.600
People that you are not afraid to say, oh, hey, you know, that guy that

878
00:46:08.800 --> 00:46:11.680
you went out with, that that girl that you went out with.

879
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:15.200
I got I had some red flags about them and this is what it was.

880
00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:16.720
You know, I don't think that they treated

881
00:46:16.920 --> 00:46:20.920
you well or I talked to them later on and this is what they said.

882
00:46:20.920 --> 00:46:22.200
And that didn't sit right with me.

883
00:46:22.200 --> 00:46:23.640
They have to be people that can tell you

884
00:46:23.840 --> 00:46:27.680
the truth and that you're going to listen to because you respect them.

885
00:46:27.880 --> 00:46:30.200
And then three, they have networks.

886
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:31.480
This is very important.

887
00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:35.320
They have to have networks that are different from yours.

888
00:46:35.520 --> 00:46:37.400
They can have some mutual friends as you

889
00:46:37.400 --> 00:46:41.080
like, maybe you work at the same place, but they have to go to different churches

890
00:46:41.080 --> 00:46:44.160
necessarily, like, OK, say you have a church in common, that's where you know

891
00:46:44.360 --> 00:46:48.160
them from, then they don't need to be working at the same company as you,

892
00:46:48.360 --> 00:46:49.960
living in the same neighborhood as you.

893
00:46:50.200 --> 00:46:52.360
If their five friends are the same five

894
00:46:52.560 --> 00:46:54.920
friends that you have, this is not going to work out.

895
00:46:55.120 --> 00:46:58.800
OK, they have to have different friends, different circles than you have.

896
00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:03.680
And the number four, you are willing to be vulnerable with them.

897
00:47:03.880 --> 00:47:06.640
OK, you're going to share honestly what's

898
00:47:06.640 --> 00:47:10.480
in your heart about what you're looking for in a future spouse, what you need.

899
00:47:10.680 --> 00:47:13.240
You're willing to share with them the work that we're doing here,

900
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:16.200
your non-negotiable list and your preference list.

901
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:18.280
You're not afraid of them telling you

902
00:47:18.280 --> 00:47:22.200
that you shouldn't want to be married, that you should just stay single,

903
00:47:22.200 --> 00:47:25.240
that you're too old or that it's not the right time or you should wait

904
00:47:25.240 --> 00:47:26.680
till your children are grown up.

905
00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:28.800
You don't want anyone who's not on board

906
00:47:28.800 --> 00:47:31.600
with you having a love story in this season of your life.

907
00:47:31.800 --> 00:47:35.200
That's not the right match for this advisory circle.

908
00:47:35.400 --> 00:47:36.800
Makes sense?

909
00:47:37.040 --> 00:47:38.080
All right.

910
00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:40.960
Now, what I'm going to do now, because so many people tell me, oh,

911
00:47:41.160 --> 00:47:43.800
I don't know anyone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

912
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:46.240
Now, I know you're just meeting each other for the first time.

913
00:47:46.440 --> 00:47:47.960
But if you're willing to be vulnerable

914
00:47:47.960 --> 00:47:50.560
with people, you can start to get to know people really well.

915
00:47:50.760 --> 00:47:52.680
You might meet someone here or in our

916
00:47:52.680 --> 00:47:54.840
bonus Facebook group that lives in your area.

917
00:47:54.840 --> 00:47:56.280
You can start doing life together.

918
00:47:56.440 --> 00:47:58.080
We have a lot of that happening in last year.

919
00:47:58.080 --> 00:48:00.840
Single people really getting together, doing life together.

920
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:04.280
So I'm going to go ahead and put you in breakouts so that you can get to know each

921
00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:07.640
other. So when you go to these breakouts, you're going to introduce yourselves,

922
00:48:07.640 --> 00:48:10.520
OK, because you're going to meet different people than you did last week.

923
00:48:10.720 --> 00:48:13.040
And you're going to share at least one

924
00:48:13.080 --> 00:48:15.760
person that's going to be on your advisory committee.

925
00:48:15.960 --> 00:48:19.480
OK, and if you don't have anyone share that with the group, say, hey,

926
00:48:19.680 --> 00:48:21.840
I haven't thought of anyone yet.

927
00:48:22.040 --> 00:48:25.520
I really don't know who's going to be on my advisory committee yet.

928
00:48:25.720 --> 00:48:27.320
So you're going to share one person.

929
00:48:27.520 --> 00:48:31.240
If you have a person, tell them who they are and why

930
00:48:31.440 --> 00:48:34.840
they're going to be on your committee, all right, in your circle,

931
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:38.720
your advisory circle, OK, and then if you don't have anyone,

932
00:48:38.720 --> 00:48:44.480
you know, also share that, but also share who you are, where you live,

933
00:48:44.680 --> 00:48:49.440
how old you are, if you've never been married, if you've never dated,

934
00:48:49.440 --> 00:48:50.800
you know, share a little bit about yourself.

935
00:48:51.000 --> 00:48:53.560
What I'm going to do is I'm going to give all of you

936
00:48:53.760 --> 00:48:57.360
four to five minutes to share and I'm going to put you in groups of three to four.

937
00:48:57.560 --> 00:48:59.680
So you're going to be in these groups.

938
00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:01.320
Actually, I'm going to give you two to three minutes.

939
00:49:01.320 --> 00:49:03.440
You're going to be in these groups for about 12 minutes.

940
00:49:03.640 --> 00:49:07.480
So do not talk over each other and make sure everybody has a chance to share.

941
00:49:07.520 --> 00:49:10.320
Capiche? OK.

942
00:49:10.520 --> 00:49:11.880
All right.

943
00:49:12.080 --> 00:49:14.000
I'm looking for my.

944
00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:15.400
Breakout rooms, there they are.

945
00:49:15.600 --> 00:49:18.720
All right, let me make the rooms.

946
00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:23.800
It's going to be fun.

947
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:25.640
OK.

948
00:49:25.880 --> 00:49:27.520
Some people have two to three people,

949
00:49:27.720 --> 00:49:30.080
I'm sorry, three people and some will have four.

950
00:49:30.280 --> 00:49:33.480
And here we go.

951
00:49:34.480 --> 00:49:37.800
There's going to be something that says, join your room, click the link,

952
00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:39.800
click the button.

953
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.000
You

954
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:32.000
I

955
00:50:39.280 --> 00:50:44.700
Think I left a minute or all right you guys welcome back

956
00:50:46.760 --> 00:50:48.760
Welcome back I

957
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:55.040
Do want to encourage you we will have breakout rooms every single session and so

958
00:50:55.760 --> 00:50:59.620
Being on your camera having your camera on is a really

959
00:51:00.560 --> 00:51:03.720
Advisable thing you know you could meet your future spouse here

960
00:51:03.720 --> 00:51:11.240
And you definitely could meet some friends in some community here, and so please make sure that if you can

961
00:51:12.040 --> 00:51:19.960
To have that camera on that's gonna be important and when you come back in from breakouts remember that you're unmuted and so

962
00:51:19.960 --> 00:51:26.280
Because of that you're going to need to mute please don't unmute and ask any questions if you have any questions

963
00:51:26.280 --> 00:51:28.280
Let's go ahead and ask them in the chat

964
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:32.680
We'd want to make sure we're recording right now, and we don't want to have any

965
00:51:33.880 --> 00:51:38.680
Any stuff going on that's not part of the recording okay?

966
00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:41.320
All right

967
00:51:41.640 --> 00:51:43.640
All right y'all

968
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:48.200
That was so fun. I'm so glad. I hope you guys met some fun good new people new friends

969
00:51:48.200 --> 00:51:55.240
Yay, okay, you guys making friends as adults is not easy. It is not an easy situation all right

970
00:51:55.240 --> 00:52:00.760
And so that's what we're here to help you do as well. Okay, all right, so I want to I want to

971
00:52:02.120 --> 00:52:04.360
Check in on your homework from last week

972
00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:06.280
I told you that it was gonna be the first thing that we covered

973
00:52:06.280 --> 00:52:11.800
But it's gonna be the last thing that we covered. What did you learn about yourself when you did the dating autopsy?

974
00:52:12.360 --> 00:52:16.120
Now some of you haven't had any dates. You haven't had any recent relationships

975
00:52:16.120 --> 00:52:20.200
Maybe you've never had a relationship, and I told you that you could use a friendship

976
00:52:21.080 --> 00:52:27.960
You could use maybe even a relationship with a sibling or a parent like kind of dissecting those relationships

977
00:52:28.120 --> 00:52:34.920
Especially the hard points of those relationships and finding out some things about yourself and how you show up in relationship

978
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:38.680
Okay, so let's go ahead and take a share

979
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:43.560
Someone who found out something very interesting from the dating autopsy

980
00:52:43.560 --> 00:52:47.480
Okay, you found out that Humpty Dumpty didn't jump. He was pushed

981
00:52:48.840 --> 00:52:53.960
Maybe that's what you found out. Let's find out raise your hand if you have something

982
00:52:54.520 --> 00:52:58.440
An aha moment from the dating autopsy exercise that you would like to share

983
00:52:59.080 --> 00:53:01.080
Raise your hand

984
00:53:01.640 --> 00:53:03.640
We would love to hear from you

985
00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:09.720
Y'all did this homework right it was last week's homework not this week's homework

986
00:53:09.720 --> 00:53:12.920
Okay, Heather Phoenix, Arizona, go ahead. I'm you

987
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:18.680
I'm on muted. Yes. I think it was just really revealing in

988
00:53:20.600 --> 00:53:22.360
How the

989
00:53:22.360 --> 00:53:26.200
Patterns show up even if you think it's a really different situation

990
00:53:26.200 --> 00:53:30.680
Like if you really dig down and you when I started writing how you said don't just think it write it

991
00:53:32.440 --> 00:53:35.160
Even though they seem like two completely had two different relationships

992
00:53:35.640 --> 00:53:40.360
The more I looked at it and really dug into the autopsy the more I realized there's a lot of

993
00:53:40.920 --> 00:53:45.560
I had a very scarcity mindset and I've worked a lot through that and it's still there. So

994
00:53:46.520 --> 00:53:51.000
I love that. I love that. You're acknowledging that you're owning it friends

995
00:53:51.320 --> 00:53:56.440
It doesn't matter if you've been in some wrecked up relationships where the other person was the bigger villain

996
00:53:57.080 --> 00:53:59.480
They were the bigger villain. They were the bigger villain

997
00:53:59.480 --> 00:54:02.120
Okay, meaning that they did things way more toxic

998
00:54:02.680 --> 00:54:07.640
But we choose them for a reason right like she said, you know, there's scarcity mindset patterns

999
00:54:07.640 --> 00:54:10.840
There's fairy tale mindset patterns, you know, the worst combination i've ever seen

1000
00:54:11.720 --> 00:54:16.040
Heather, thank you so much for sharing. You know, the worst combination i've ever seen of scripts

1001
00:54:16.920 --> 00:54:20.520
Is the fairy tale mindset and the passive faith mindset

1002
00:54:21.080 --> 00:54:23.080
These two are so toxic when they're combined

1003
00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:31.160
Is the fairy tale mindset and the passive faith mindset these two are so toxic when they come together, you know, I don't know why

1004
00:54:31.640 --> 00:54:34.360
Because you believe that you're gonna when you know, you know

1005
00:54:35.960 --> 00:54:37.960
And but you also believe that

1006
00:54:38.760 --> 00:54:44.200
The reason why you're gonna when you know, you know is because god has handpicked a spouse for you

1007
00:54:44.760 --> 00:54:46.920
And he's going to bring them to you

1008
00:54:47.560 --> 00:54:50.440
And you're going to know them from the first moment

1009
00:54:50.760 --> 00:54:53.720
Do you know how much trouble this is going to get you into if you're running these scripts

1010
00:54:55.080 --> 00:54:59.820
The chances of you getting married to some toxic person with that kind of mindset

1011
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.580
are so high because you're going to have some kind of intense chemistry, which you think

1012
00:55:05.580 --> 00:55:12.160
is a sign, right? The fairy tale script that this is the person, but you also have always

1013
00:55:12.160 --> 00:55:16.700
been believing that when they show up, they're going to be sent directly from God. And so

1014
00:55:16.700 --> 00:55:21.600
now when you get into this relationship, maybe even marriage with this person, because you

1015
00:55:21.600 --> 00:55:27.380
ignored all the red flags, you ignored non-negotiables, you ignore preferences. You didn't even have

1016
00:55:27.380 --> 00:55:31.180
those things. You just jumped right in because of these scripts that you're running. And

1017
00:55:31.180 --> 00:55:37.740
then when you get, you know, six months in a year in and it's toxic and maybe even abusive,

1018
00:55:37.740 --> 00:55:46.300
it's like, wow, God must not like me very much. Why did he sign me up for this? I don't

1019
00:55:46.300 --> 00:55:56.340
understand. And it's a mess. Okay. And so the, all of the, all of the scripts have,

1020
00:55:56.340 --> 00:56:02.780
have, uh, cons, but those two running next to each other, that's going to get you in

1021
00:56:02.780 --> 00:56:07.220
a lot of trouble that you think God is the author of because you have a fairy tale mindset,

1022
00:56:07.220 --> 00:56:12.100
but you think God is the one writing the fairy tale. And that is the biggest problem. Okay.

1023
00:56:12.100 --> 00:56:16.620
All right. Steve's like, that was me. He was me to someone. I don't know if he was

1024
00:56:16.620 --> 00:56:23.020
saying that to what I'm saying or not. Okay. Um, Juanita Gonzalez, if you could please

1025
00:56:23.020 --> 00:56:30.500
unmute. Yeah, I was kind of like Heather is like when I started writing out the, I wrote

1026
00:56:30.500 --> 00:56:37.660
one story about one relationship and I found that I was, um, scarcity and romantic. And

1027
00:56:37.660 --> 00:56:44.620
so I wrote it all out. And then I started writing out the other relationship, both male,

1028
00:56:44.620 --> 00:56:51.020
both marriages. And it was the same, they were coming out the same. I was, I was coming

1029
00:56:51.020 --> 00:56:59.460
out the same scarcity and romantic. And, um, and that, that was, um, mind blower to me.

1030
00:56:59.460 --> 00:57:06.300
It was revelation. I love it. It's so good. And guess what? Now that you have that revelation,

1031
00:57:06.300 --> 00:57:10.780
you get to not just show up differently, but you get to recognize how you're showing

1032
00:57:10.780 --> 00:57:15.500
up, who you're attracting, what's happening. Friends, when you come and you're part of

1033
00:57:15.500 --> 00:57:19.740
last year, single, one of the things that we do is we talk about attachment styles.

1034
00:57:19.740 --> 00:57:23.940
We really dig into your attachment style so that you can own your side of the street with

1035
00:57:23.940 --> 00:57:28.540
how these relationships are working out or not working out. And then we also help you

1036
00:57:28.540 --> 00:57:32.900
to understand why you're attracting what you're attracting. Cause there is a scripture in

1037
00:57:32.900 --> 00:57:37.660
the Bible for all of you, faith based folks, that is the real law of attraction, the law

1038
00:57:37.660 --> 00:57:41.900
of attraction out there, transcendentalism, the secret, that's not the real law of attraction.

1039
00:57:41.900 --> 00:57:45.500
The real law of attraction is in the book of Proverbs. And it says what you believe

1040
00:57:45.500 --> 00:57:51.220
in your heart, you become and what you become, you attract. And so we break that down to

1041
00:57:51.220 --> 00:57:56.140
what is that looking like for me? You mean I'm attracting all these people that are no

1042
00:57:56.140 --> 00:58:00.860
good for me or not the right fit for me or people that seem great at first. I had this

1043
00:58:00.860 --> 00:58:07.660
one student who was attracting married men in the way that every single guy that she

1044
00:58:07.660 --> 00:58:12.740
got involved with was still going through a divorce or she would date him for a little

1045
00:58:12.740 --> 00:58:18.820
while and find out he was still married. It just kept happening over and over and over

1046
00:58:18.820 --> 00:58:23.780
and over again. And of course that started making her feel bad about herself. Right?

1047
00:58:23.780 --> 00:58:27.740
Like what in the world? I'm not trying to break up any marriages. I'm not a homewrecker

1048
00:58:27.820 --> 00:58:31.260
because of course the guys that were going through divorce, guess who didn't know that

1049
00:58:31.260 --> 00:58:35.740
they were going through a divorce? Their wife. Their wife was the one that didn't know. She

1050
00:58:35.740 --> 00:58:41.420
hadn't been informed that her husband was in the dating pool again because he was going

1051
00:58:41.420 --> 00:58:48.820
through a divorce. And so she was able to come out of agreement with those identities

1052
00:58:48.820 --> 00:58:54.580
and those mindsets that were causing that unconsciously and almost supernaturally to

1053
00:58:54.580 --> 00:58:59.140
come to her. And I have really good news. She's actually getting married in a couple

1054
00:58:59.140 --> 00:59:05.620
weeks to a man that wasn't married when she met him, but he's about to be married to her.

1055
00:59:05.620 --> 00:59:11.380
And I'm really excited for her and that's exciting. Okay. Nora McIntosh.

1056
00:59:11.380 --> 00:59:13.180
Oh, hello.

1057
00:59:13.180 --> 00:59:14.900
Hello, Nora.

1058
00:59:14.900 --> 00:59:17.540
Hello. Oh my goodness.

1059
00:59:17.540 --> 00:59:21.380
You guys, just so you know, Juanita is a part of last year's single. So is Nora. Nora is

1060
00:59:21.460 --> 00:59:25.620
one of our students there as well. One of my favorite students, actually.

1061
00:59:26.340 --> 00:59:27.220
You're my favorite.

1062
00:59:29.620 --> 00:59:36.820
Okay. So I haven't been in many like official relationships, but I wrote about a kind of

1063
00:59:36.820 --> 00:59:43.780
confusing emotional situation ship that has been going on for a while with this coworker.

1064
00:59:44.420 --> 00:59:50.020
And an aha moment that I had was when you said like, because there was like immediate chemistry

1065
00:59:50.020 --> 00:59:55.220
and you asked like, is that a, was that an indicator of compatibility? And the answer

1066
00:59:55.220 --> 00:59:59.780
is a resounding no. And it was really sobering.

1067
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.280
And I – so I did that in combination with the questions you were asking on Supernatural

1068
01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:08.200
Saturday I think a week ago when you were like, where do you want to be one year from

1069
01:00:08.200 --> 01:00:09.200
today?

1070
01:00:09.200 --> 01:00:13.920
What's – like one year from today, I will be this, like walking in my purpose and my

1071
01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:15.600
marriage will be the cherry on top.

1072
01:00:15.600 --> 01:00:18.800
And the first step of that – and I was like, you know what, the first step is I'm going

1073
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:19.800
to block Mike.

1074
01:00:19.800 --> 01:00:21.800
Like even – and so I blocked him.

1075
01:00:21.800 --> 01:00:22.800
So I blocked him.

1076
01:00:22.800 --> 01:00:25.720
I blocked him last night and it was really hard.

1077
01:00:25.720 --> 01:00:30.600
Like it's been going on for like a couple of years now, like this on and off like thing.

1078
01:00:30.600 --> 01:00:35.160
And so, you know, it was just really eye-opening and I just wanted to like share that with

1079
01:00:35.160 --> 01:00:36.160
you.

1080
01:00:36.160 --> 01:00:39.560
So I think I might even buy myself a cake like – and like write like, congratulations

1081
01:00:39.560 --> 01:00:40.560
for blocking him.

1082
01:00:40.560 --> 01:00:43.320
Like it was like that big of a deal for me.

1083
01:00:43.320 --> 01:00:47.680
That is so powerful and I had one of those too, you guys.

1084
01:00:47.680 --> 01:00:52.520
Back in the day I had one of those where the chemistry was definitely there.

1085
01:00:52.520 --> 01:00:54.640
It was very strong.

1086
01:00:54.640 --> 01:00:59.080
The compatibility was very low, any kind of long-term compatibility.

1087
01:00:59.080 --> 01:01:04.200
And the thing is, is every time I tried to quit this guy, he would just pop up.

1088
01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:08.920
You know, like I remember – this, you guys, this is a true story.

1089
01:01:08.920 --> 01:01:15.920
I lost track of him for about a year and then my friend moved into a new apartment and I

1090
01:01:15.920 --> 01:01:21.520
went to visit her at her new apartment and guess who lived next door to her?

1091
01:01:21.520 --> 01:01:22.640
Him!

1092
01:01:22.640 --> 01:01:24.280
How is this even a real thing?

1093
01:01:24.920 --> 01:01:25.920
How is this real life?

1094
01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:26.920
Right?

1095
01:01:26.920 --> 01:01:30.480
Soul ties are strong, y'all, and they will take you weird places.

1096
01:01:30.480 --> 01:01:32.720
And so I love that for you, Nora, and guess what?

1097
01:01:32.720 --> 01:01:37.400
You just made room for so many other things and it's great.

1098
01:01:37.400 --> 01:01:38.400
Yay!

1099
01:01:38.400 --> 01:01:39.400
Yeah.

1100
01:01:39.400 --> 01:01:40.440
And you know what she also knows?

1101
01:01:40.440 --> 01:01:45.440
She knows that she can feel really intensely attracted to someone and that's good.

1102
01:01:45.440 --> 01:01:49.840
And so now we just needed to be someone who she also has long-term compatibility with.

1103
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:50.840
Someone not crazy.

1104
01:01:50.840 --> 01:01:51.840
Yes.

1105
01:01:51.840 --> 01:01:52.840
Yeah.

1106
01:01:52.840 --> 01:01:53.840
That's really important.

1107
01:01:54.400 --> 01:01:56.840
So if we want to feel attracted and feel intense chemistry with crazy people, then we got to

1108
01:01:56.840 --> 01:02:01.680
dig into that because it's like, why do I like nervous system dysregulation?

1109
01:02:01.680 --> 01:02:03.440
Why do I love hot and cold?

1110
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:05.000
Why do I love back and forth?

1111
01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:10.100
What's so exciting about someone who is, you know, not healthy?

1112
01:02:10.100 --> 01:02:14.700
And don't tell me that you haven't had it because the majority of you have been excited

1113
01:02:14.700 --> 01:02:18.880
by and attracted to things that are very unhealthy.

1114
01:02:18.880 --> 01:02:20.520
And so we got to ask ourselves that question.

1115
01:02:20.520 --> 01:02:21.520
Okay.

1116
01:02:21.520 --> 01:02:22.520
We're going to do a speed round.

1117
01:02:22.520 --> 01:02:24.240
So tell me really quickly what you've learned.

1118
01:02:24.240 --> 01:02:26.000
I'm going to go from here in this way.

1119
01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:30.600
Dana, tell me what you learned from your dating autopsy.

1120
01:02:30.600 --> 01:02:35.040
I autopsied friendships, disastrous ones.

1121
01:02:35.040 --> 01:02:37.440
And I learned I'm a chill girl.

1122
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:43.740
I will mold myself and turn myself inside out to be liked to the point where I was giving

1123
01:02:43.740 --> 01:02:47.800
away things that were precious to me to hold onto these friendships.

1124
01:02:47.800 --> 01:02:49.640
And they still deserved.

1125
01:02:49.640 --> 01:02:50.640
Of course they did.

1126
01:02:50.640 --> 01:02:51.640
Yeah.

1127
01:02:51.760 --> 01:02:52.760
They're the takers.

1128
01:02:52.760 --> 01:02:55.200
And now did you, were you able to get to the root of the, where that comes from?

1129
01:02:55.200 --> 01:02:58.000
Did you go further to find out when you're doing that?

1130
01:02:58.000 --> 01:03:00.440
It comes from mom and dad comes from family.

1131
01:03:00.440 --> 01:03:01.440
Okay.

1132
01:03:01.440 --> 01:03:02.440
Yeah.

1133
01:03:02.440 --> 01:03:03.440
Awesome.

1134
01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:04.440
Dana.

1135
01:03:04.440 --> 01:03:05.440
Great.

1136
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:06.440
What a great revelation.

1137
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:08.440
How many of you over function in friendships?

1138
01:03:08.440 --> 01:03:10.200
Can I see your hands in the chat?

1139
01:03:10.200 --> 01:03:12.640
How many of you over function in friendships?

1140
01:03:12.640 --> 01:03:13.640
You're the giver.

1141
01:03:13.640 --> 01:03:14.640
They're the taker.

1142
01:03:14.640 --> 01:03:17.160
You continue to give, give, give.

1143
01:03:17.160 --> 01:03:21.360
She said she's even giving away things that are precious to her to try to win the love

1144
01:03:22.080 --> 01:03:24.040
of that person, win the loyalty of that person.

1145
01:03:24.040 --> 01:03:26.400
And they still abandon her.

1146
01:03:26.400 --> 01:03:30.240
You know, they still do, right?

1147
01:03:30.240 --> 01:03:31.240
Yeah.

1148
01:03:31.240 --> 01:03:36.240
You guys, that comes from origin family stuff for sure.

1149
01:03:36.240 --> 01:03:41.300
By the way, we do extensive work on that phase one last year, single heartwork.

1150
01:03:41.300 --> 01:03:43.800
We get down to the nitty gritty.

1151
01:03:43.800 --> 01:03:47.800
And so if you kind of know where that stuff comes from, but you really don't know how

1152
01:03:47.800 --> 01:03:52.800
to fix it, you're going to want to roll over into last year, single from this book club

1153
01:03:52.800 --> 01:03:54.440
so that we can really help you.

1154
01:03:54.440 --> 01:03:59.440
And that's only five weeks of your life, you guys, and you will be forever changed, forever

1155
01:03:59.440 --> 01:04:00.440
changed.

1156
01:04:00.440 --> 01:04:03.120
Let me see some hearts from people who have done hard work cause you're in last year single

1157
01:04:03.120 --> 01:04:05.720
and you're like life changing, life changing.

1158
01:04:05.720 --> 01:04:07.400
Let's see some hearts.

1159
01:04:07.400 --> 01:04:11.040
Let's see some hearts changed my life, changed the way that I show up in the world, changed

1160
01:04:11.040 --> 01:04:15.960
about what I believe I deserve and what is available to me.

1161
01:04:15.960 --> 01:04:16.960
So many things.

1162
01:04:17.120 --> 01:04:18.120
We're going to keep going quickly.

1163
01:04:18.120 --> 01:04:21.200
Allison, what'd you learn from your dating autopsy?

1164
01:04:21.200 --> 01:04:27.480
What I learned is I haven't dated a lot, but I realized it's because I felt shame about

1165
01:04:27.480 --> 01:04:28.740
not dating.

1166
01:04:28.740 --> 01:04:34.080
And so I haven't dated because I felt I'm not chosen.

1167
01:04:34.080 --> 01:04:39.840
And so I'm in last year single and it, it finally dawned on me because I've always been

1168
01:04:39.840 --> 01:04:41.520
told you don't have a radar.

1169
01:04:41.520 --> 01:04:43.760
I mean, my friends will say that guy's looking at you.

1170
01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:49.240
And I'm like, they all, you know, and I've been told that for decades cause I'm 65.

1171
01:04:49.240 --> 01:04:51.640
I'm like, how do you, how do you know they're looking?

1172
01:04:51.640 --> 01:04:55.400
And I've been told constantly, you don't have any radar.

1173
01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:59.920
My only friends have been gay because of the professions I've chosen.

1174
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.600
safe. But it's because of shame, and it puts you in a vicious cycle. When you feel not chosen,

1175
01:05:06.240 --> 01:05:11.280
then you act like you're not chosen, and then you're not chosen. And so through last year's

1176
01:05:11.280 --> 01:05:19.120
single, and this in particular really hit me, I've been telling everybody at church, and they're like,

1177
01:05:19.120 --> 01:05:23.200
you want to marry that you have it all? And I'm like, why would you think I wouldn't want to

1178
01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:30.880
marry? And so I even told a man at a party this weekend, he's married, but I just said,

1179
01:05:30.880 --> 01:05:35.280
yeah, do you think there's possibility for me? And he's like, you want to marry? And I'm like,

1180
01:05:35.920 --> 01:05:39.840
okay, I've given off this for decades, and I didn't know it.

1181
01:05:40.640 --> 01:05:45.520
I love that, Alison, that's so good. And now I love it too, that there's no shame in your game

1182
01:05:45.520 --> 01:05:50.640
to admit that you want to be married. And that's actually telling people that, because that is

1183
01:05:50.640 --> 01:05:57.440
going to be the game changer for you. So excited for Alison. It's going to be, it's going to be,

1184
01:05:57.440 --> 01:06:03.360
look, God can give to us anything, right? It's about what he, it's not about what he can do,

1185
01:06:03.360 --> 01:06:08.640
it's about what we believe he can do. But a lot of times we don't even, we're not even willing to ask,

1186
01:06:08.640 --> 01:06:13.120
we're not even willing to admit that we want those things. And so if you're like Alison,

1187
01:06:13.120 --> 01:06:19.200
and you have not even admitted that you wanted something, whether it's this or something else,

1188
01:06:19.200 --> 01:06:24.160
then it's time, it's time for you to do that. And not just to God. Yes, that's super safe.

1189
01:06:24.160 --> 01:06:28.960
Admit it to other humans. And yeah, some of them are not going to react well, or some are going to

1190
01:06:28.960 --> 01:06:32.960
try to talk you out of it, or someone, some of them are going to try to, you know, tell you that

1191
01:06:32.960 --> 01:06:38.560
that's not possible, but that's okay. It's important that you go ahead and say that out

1192
01:06:38.560 --> 01:06:47.280
loud to another human being. Okay. All right. Amy, you're up. Yeah, mine is, I realized that when I

1193
01:06:47.280 --> 01:06:52.080
was younger, my 20s, I definitely did the fairy tale. As I've gotten older, and a ton of people

1194
01:06:52.080 --> 01:06:55.360
have said, you're still single, and it's your fault, because your standards are too high. I

1195
01:06:55.360 --> 01:07:01.680
definitely became the chill girl in my 30s. And I think that kind of hosed me more, like I lowered

1196
01:07:01.680 --> 01:07:06.560
a lot of my standards as I got older, like saw the red flags, but was willing to give them multiple

1197
01:07:06.560 --> 01:07:14.160
chances. I've had a couple different situationships, where I found out that the last two guys,

1198
01:07:15.120 --> 01:07:18.960
well, they were both co-workers, so I worked with them, so blocking them was hard, because

1199
01:07:19.760 --> 01:07:25.920
professionally, I still needed to keep their number, but they both ended up in relationships

1200
01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:31.360
with married women, so behind my back, so I didn't know it. They still kept seeing me while they were

1201
01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:36.560
hooking up with other co-workers who were married, some of them who divorced, and

1202
01:07:37.280 --> 01:07:41.920
they end up now in a relationship with their used to be married co-workers. And so I think a lot of

1203
01:07:41.920 --> 01:07:47.200
that is I lost trust in myself then to pick people, because I let a lot of red flags go,

1204
01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:52.400
believing the lies of your standards are too high, you're single, because you're choosing

1205
01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:59.440
to be single, because you won't give people chances if they don't fit in your boxes. And

1206
01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:04.160
so I kind of loosened my standards, and kept them around when I probably shouldn't have.

1207
01:08:05.120 --> 01:08:09.200
So you guys hear her pendulum swung all the way to the other side, because of input from others,

1208
01:08:09.200 --> 01:08:13.120
like you're too picky, you're too picky, you're too picky, you're being avoidant, and then she

1209
01:08:13.120 --> 01:08:18.000
swung over here to chill girl script, giving everyone a chance, every Tom, Dick, Harry,

1210
01:08:18.000 --> 01:08:22.240
giving them more than one chance, ignoring red flags, being the chill girl, like, oh, it'll be

1211
01:08:22.240 --> 01:08:27.200
all right, you know, I've been wanting too much, and now she's wanting too little. And so there's

1212
01:08:27.200 --> 01:08:35.200
a happy medium there, right, where she's not rigid, she's not picky, she knows her non-negotiables,

1213
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:40.479
and she knows her deal breakers, and she also has some preferences. And so I think this is a

1214
01:08:40.479 --> 01:08:45.600
beautiful tipping point for you, my friend, and I'm excited to see where we go next. All right,

1215
01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:50.800
Danielle, you're up. Hey, Jackie, and everybody, I just want to say I'm the Danielle you mentioned

1216
01:08:50.800 --> 01:08:56.160
in the beginning, and I received everything that you said, it really spoke to my heart. So

1217
01:08:56.160 --> 01:09:03.200
awesome. Thank you for that. And welcome. Yeah, that was awesome. Okay, I've related as the

1218
01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:07.760
independent. And when I first was reading your book, I'm doing this, I'm like, well, I already

1219
01:09:07.760 --> 01:09:13.359
know I'm independent, because I've built this beautiful life being single. And I think at one

1220
01:09:13.359 --> 01:09:17.120
point, it was really, this is what I realized at one point, that was like, really healthy for me,

1221
01:09:17.120 --> 01:09:23.680
because I leaned codependent love addiction was in a recovery program for that for a few years.

1222
01:09:23.680 --> 01:09:27.680
And so being independent actually was very healthy. But then it's pendulum talk about

1223
01:09:27.680 --> 01:09:33.439
pendulum shifting. I pendulum shifted into like, well, now nobody's good enough. My life's so

1224
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:39.680
freaking amazing. Like there's no room for these dudes who are like, by the way, the men I've

1225
01:09:39.680 --> 01:09:44.319
attracted and I've been in relationship with like a broken engagement and a couple of relationships,

1226
01:09:45.279 --> 01:09:52.640
not recovered addicts, trauma, chaos. Yeah, my nervous system did not feel safe most of the time

1227
01:09:52.640 --> 01:09:57.280
in relationship. That's why I've also enjoyed being independent. And I realized this, man,

1228
01:09:57.280 --> 01:10:00.240
I enjoy being single because I feel a lot of peace.

1229
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.920
And I feel good about that, but it's kept me stuck.

1230
01:10:04.920 --> 01:10:08.360
And so I'm really ready to get unstuck

1231
01:10:08.360 --> 01:10:10.560
and kind of out of this pattern where it's been healthy,

1232
01:10:10.560 --> 01:10:13.260
but it's kind of over-served its purpose.

1233
01:10:13.260 --> 01:10:17.080
And I can actually lower, maybe not my standard,

1234
01:10:17.080 --> 01:10:20.040
but my expectation and make some room

1235
01:10:20.040 --> 01:10:24.220
for someone who's also awesome in a match, an actual match.

1236
01:10:24.220 --> 01:10:26.540
Because I think I was subconsciously

1237
01:10:26.540 --> 01:10:29.100
attracting someone beneath me,

1238
01:10:29.100 --> 01:10:31.740
so I could still kind of say a little independent.

1239
01:10:31.740 --> 01:10:35.480
So that was really powerful awareness.

1240
01:10:35.480 --> 01:10:36.320
Yeah, that's great.

1241
01:10:36.320 --> 01:10:37.140
I love that.

1242
01:10:37.140 --> 01:10:38.640
And you guys, sometimes we'll over-correct,

1243
01:10:38.640 --> 01:10:40.100
which is what Danielle is talking about.

1244
01:10:40.100 --> 01:10:41.100
We'll over-correct.

1245
01:10:41.100 --> 01:10:43.860
She had some things that really needed to be focused on.

1246
01:10:43.860 --> 01:10:46.180
She had some things she really needed to work on,

1247
01:10:46.180 --> 01:10:48.460
and that was really important season for her.

1248
01:10:48.460 --> 01:10:50.380
But a lot of times we'll stay in that season

1249
01:10:50.380 --> 01:10:53.620
or the afterglow of that season, right?

1250
01:10:53.620 --> 01:10:57.020
And her season is shifting.

1251
01:10:57.020 --> 01:10:59.180
It's not an accident that the word that I had for her

1252
01:10:59.180 --> 01:11:00.780
had to do with a season shift.

1253
01:11:00.780 --> 01:11:02.780
I said she was a spring bride,

1254
01:11:02.780 --> 01:11:07.300
and I'm not necessarily talking about the spring,

1255
01:11:07.300 --> 01:11:10.580
like whatever spring is where you live.

1256
01:11:10.580 --> 01:11:12.680
I'm not necessarily talking about that.

1257
01:11:12.680 --> 01:11:15.500
What that's indicative of is a new season.

1258
01:11:15.500 --> 01:11:17.400
Spring is a new season, right?

1259
01:11:17.400 --> 01:11:19.740
It's when winter is over with.

1260
01:11:19.740 --> 01:11:21.860
And so that makes even more sense

1261
01:11:21.860 --> 01:11:24.180
now that we hear her story, that God is saying,

1262
01:11:24.220 --> 01:11:26.020
hey, you know, that's all over now.

1263
01:11:26.020 --> 01:11:27.100
It's a new season.

1264
01:11:27.100 --> 01:11:28.260
You're a new person.

1265
01:11:28.260 --> 01:11:32.060
It's a new season, and it's time for you to step into this.

1266
01:11:32.060 --> 01:11:34.500
And so for those of you that resonate with that,

1267
01:11:34.500 --> 01:11:37.700
where you had some really toxic

1268
01:11:40.180 --> 01:11:41.620
things that you had to deal with

1269
01:11:41.620 --> 01:11:43.980
that were getting you in a lot of trouble in relationship,

1270
01:11:43.980 --> 01:11:46.260
that were breaking your heart and all the things,

1271
01:11:46.260 --> 01:11:50.180
and then you started doing what you needed to do,

1272
01:11:50.180 --> 01:11:54.700
it's okay to understand that those seasons

1273
01:11:54.700 --> 01:11:57.220
of doing hard work, fixing ourself,

1274
01:11:57.220 --> 01:11:58.740
whatever it is that we're doing,

1275
01:11:58.740 --> 01:12:00.420
that those seasons come to a place

1276
01:12:00.420 --> 01:12:02.740
where we really can't do anything more

1277
01:12:02.740 --> 01:12:04.940
without the help of another person.

1278
01:12:04.940 --> 01:12:08.220
Meaning that, yeah, there's gonna be some more stuff to do,

1279
01:12:08.220 --> 01:12:09.540
but it's not even gonna surface,

1280
01:12:09.540 --> 01:12:11.180
and we're not even gonna know what that stuff is

1281
01:12:11.180 --> 01:12:14.220
until we start to allow someone in

1282
01:12:14.220 --> 01:12:17.300
and begin to go through the process

1283
01:12:17.300 --> 01:12:18.780
of being in love with someone

1284
01:12:18.780 --> 01:12:21.020
and making room for someone in our lives.

1285
01:12:21.020 --> 01:12:23.540
And so that's gonna be super important

1286
01:12:23.540 --> 01:12:24.820
for so many of you as well

1287
01:12:24.820 --> 01:12:26.860
that have been single for a long time,

1288
01:12:26.860 --> 01:12:31.860
and you really want someone who is amazing

1289
01:12:32.100 --> 01:12:33.620
because your life is amazing,

1290
01:12:33.620 --> 01:12:35.860
and why would you partner with someone who's not amazing?

1291
01:12:35.860 --> 01:12:37.980
Here's my caution,

1292
01:12:37.980 --> 01:12:39.820
and we'll do this work with the non-negotiables

1293
01:12:39.820 --> 01:12:41.980
in the preferences.

1294
01:12:41.980 --> 01:12:43.060
They're gonna be amazing,

1295
01:12:43.060 --> 01:12:45.380
but they might not be amazing like you're amazing,

1296
01:12:45.380 --> 01:12:48.540
like in the exact same way that you're amazing.

1297
01:12:49.300 --> 01:12:51.180
So what you want is a complimentary opposite.

1298
01:12:51.180 --> 01:12:52.100
You don't want a twin.

1299
01:12:52.100 --> 01:12:54.820
You're not looking for a twin, okay?

1300
01:12:54.820 --> 01:12:55.660
And so let's make sure

1301
01:12:55.660 --> 01:12:57.820
that we're not judging people's amazingness

1302
01:12:57.820 --> 01:13:01.180
by our work and our amazingness.

1303
01:13:01.180 --> 01:13:03.460
Let's make sure that we keep our mind and hearts open

1304
01:13:03.460 --> 01:13:07.260
to the fact that people are amazing in their own ways,

1305
01:13:07.260 --> 01:13:09.820
and we want someone who's a complimentary opposite,

1306
01:13:09.820 --> 01:13:12.660
not looking for someone who's exactly like us,

1307
01:13:12.660 --> 01:13:15.220
done the exact same work, blah, blah, blah.

1308
01:13:15.220 --> 01:13:17.780
All right, we're gonna have to go really quick, you guys.

1309
01:13:17.820 --> 01:13:18.900
I'm gonna ask you a few questions,

1310
01:13:18.900 --> 01:13:20.940
and then hopefully you're just gonna share what you learned.

1311
01:13:20.940 --> 01:13:22.380
We can't have a real big backstory

1312
01:13:22.380 --> 01:13:23.580
because we're out of time.

1313
01:13:23.580 --> 01:13:24.820
Kim K., what do you got?

1314
01:13:27.300 --> 01:13:28.140
Yes.

1315
01:13:28.140 --> 01:13:30.260
Well, you know me very well, Jackie.

1316
01:13:30.260 --> 01:13:33.900
Yes, another last year single member right here, Kim K.

1317
01:13:33.900 --> 01:13:35.220
All right, go ahead.

1318
01:13:35.220 --> 01:13:39.020
So wait, I gotta say this, the other Kim K., right?

1319
01:13:39.020 --> 01:13:40.380
The real Kim K.

1320
01:13:40.380 --> 01:13:41.220
That's right, girl.

1321
01:13:41.220 --> 01:13:42.060
I'm older than her.

1322
01:13:42.060 --> 01:13:44.860
That's right, the original, the OG Kim K.

1323
01:13:44.860 --> 01:13:45.700
I'm an OG.

1324
01:13:45.700 --> 01:13:47.420
Okay, go ahead.

1325
01:13:48.380 --> 01:13:52.740
And I find myself now going, swinging the other way

1326
01:13:52.740 --> 01:13:56.220
to either chill girl or maybe even independent.

1327
01:13:56.220 --> 01:14:00.300
I don't wanna tell guys right away about me.

1328
01:14:00.300 --> 01:14:03.940
I'm kinda guarded, and I've had guys say that,

1329
01:14:03.940 --> 01:14:08.220
and so I need to work on that.

1330
01:14:08.220 --> 01:14:10.780
Well, you know, when we tell the wrong people

1331
01:14:10.780 --> 01:14:13.580
about ourselves too often, and it bites us in the butt,

1332
01:14:13.580 --> 01:14:16.260
then we kind of get a little gun shy, right?

1333
01:14:16.260 --> 01:14:17.100
Yes.

1334
01:14:17.780 --> 01:14:21.340
But you have learned how to spot that a mile away now,

1335
01:14:21.340 --> 01:14:23.500
and so that's gonna be very helpful.

1336
01:14:23.500 --> 01:14:26.380
It's not hard to be vulnerable with someone

1337
01:14:26.380 --> 01:14:27.860
when they're a safe person.

1338
01:14:27.860 --> 01:14:31.500
And so being able to recognize safety,

1339
01:14:31.500 --> 01:14:32.820
and we're gonna go through that

1340
01:14:32.820 --> 01:14:34.820
when we talk about character.

1341
01:14:34.820 --> 01:14:36.180
And no, no guys are sharing.

1342
01:14:36.180 --> 01:14:38.260
So gentlemen, we're only focusing on men right now

1343
01:14:38.260 --> 01:14:39.220
because you're not sharing.

1344
01:14:39.220 --> 01:14:40.540
Otherwise, we'd focus on women.

1345
01:14:40.540 --> 01:14:42.940
So if a man wants to share, we'll focus on women.

1346
01:14:42.940 --> 01:14:44.540
But the bottom line is is that

1347
01:14:44.540 --> 01:14:47.060
when you know how to spot character,

1348
01:14:47.060 --> 01:14:48.460
and you're not gonna lie to yourself

1349
01:14:48.460 --> 01:14:50.860
or water anything down or make yellow flags

1350
01:14:50.860 --> 01:14:53.660
turn into green flags just because you want them to,

1351
01:14:53.660 --> 01:14:55.900
then you get into a safer place

1352
01:14:55.900 --> 01:14:57.700
where you can be yourself and open up more.

1353
01:14:57.700 --> 01:14:58.740
So that's great, Kim.

1354
01:14:58.740 --> 01:14:59.980
Susanna, what do you got?

1355
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:12.080
Hi, hello. Yeah, I just wanted to share something, but I don't know if I just email you or like

1356
01:15:12.080 --> 01:15:18.060
through the app better because it's not related to what you guys talking about right now.

1357
01:15:18.060 --> 01:15:23.040
It's like something more personal and that's the main reason why I signed up to this program.

1358
01:15:23.040 --> 01:15:28.680
Okay. Yeah. If you just, if you just posted in the questions on the app, it just says

1359
01:15:28.680 --> 01:15:35.000
ask a coach or ask Jackie. Let me see what it says exactly. So I can tell you, I think

1360
01:15:35.000 --> 01:15:43.000
I already posted in the app. I, I put my question there. I answered every single question before

1361
01:15:43.000 --> 01:15:49.880
this, uh, before this session. So maybe, maybe, maybe look again. I'll look for it, but, um,

1362
01:15:49.880 --> 01:15:54.320
yeah, questions you guys. So you have all comments, you have wins. So if you have a

1363
01:15:54.320 --> 01:15:59.680
win or a testimony, make sure you click that button and then post under that. And then

1364
01:15:59.680 --> 01:16:03.800
questions. If you click that button and you post under that, then that goes directly into

1365
01:16:03.800 --> 01:16:09.760
the coaching questions. All right. Yeah, I did there. I just posted Susana there. So

1366
01:16:09.760 --> 01:16:16.120
yeah. Cause you just posted it an hour ago. So I see it. Yeah. All right. Uh, you've been

1367
01:16:16.120 --> 01:16:20.240
in a relationship for five years and still don't have a ring or a date for marriage.

1368
01:16:20.240 --> 01:16:25.160
What do you recommend? Well, you guys, I talk about this a lot on my Instagram. So

1369
01:16:25.160 --> 01:16:29.080
if you guys go to my Instagram, you're going to see a lot of stuff on this. Um, Susanna

1370
01:16:29.080 --> 01:16:33.720
just posted that, um, while we've been in session, but I want to tell her and all of

1371
01:16:33.720 --> 01:16:39.080
you, um, go ahead and just, uh, put your hand up if you're in some kind of situation. And

1372
01:16:39.080 --> 01:16:42.600
you got into this course because you were hoping that it was going to help you decide

1373
01:16:42.600 --> 01:16:47.600
on what to do next or what you should do next. Cause that's why Susanna is here. So friends,

1374
01:16:47.600 --> 01:16:51.440
when you're in a relationship with someone and you're an adult, meaning that you're not

1375
01:16:51.440 --> 01:16:55.760
in high school, you're not in college, you know, sometimes those relationships run a

1376
01:16:55.760 --> 01:17:00.320
little longer before they get married because we're young, we're in college, we're in high

1377
01:17:00.320 --> 01:17:05.400
school. You know, there's a reason why if you're an adult person, you know, even if

1378
01:17:05.400 --> 01:17:09.800
it's a long distance relationship, you're an adult person that's been in a relationship

1379
01:17:09.800 --> 01:17:15.240
for longer than a year that is not moving towards marriage. Then some really hard conversations

1380
01:17:15.240 --> 01:17:21.480
have to happen about whether or not this person is marriage minded and marriage ready.

1381
01:17:21.480 --> 01:17:27.200
And um, and that goes for a woman or a man y'all. So, um, this man has not asked her

1382
01:17:27.200 --> 01:17:33.720
to marry him. Um, do you, do you live apart still or do you live together apart? Okay.

1383
01:17:33.720 --> 01:17:40.120
Um, okay. So I mean, how, how personal do you want to get in here? I could ask you a

1384
01:17:40.120 --> 01:17:43.720
lot of personal questions right now, but I don't want to embarrass you. Okay. Is it,

1385
01:17:43.720 --> 01:17:51.760
is it a sexual relationship? No. Okay. And is it local or long distance? Local. Okay.

1386
01:17:51.760 --> 01:17:55.760
So you guys, she is in a relationship for five years and so you're exclusive. You're

1387
01:17:55.760 --> 01:18:02.080
not seeing other people. Okay. She's in a relationship, an exclusive relationship. How

1388
01:18:02.080 --> 01:18:08.200
long has it been exclusive? Five years. Five years. Okay. So how long have you known him

1389
01:18:08.200 --> 01:18:13.800
longer than five? Five years. Yeah. So you were exclusive from day one. When did he

1390
01:18:13.800 --> 01:18:18.720
ask you to be exclusive after you met him? I started talking with him and I was not talking

1391
01:18:18.720 --> 01:18:24.960
with, well, yeah, I was talking with someone else, but then I started talking more with

1392
01:18:24.960 --> 01:18:29.320
him and then after six months he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Six months

1393
01:18:29.320 --> 01:18:35.040
in. So six months in you guys. All right. And you're positive that he doesn't have another

1394
01:18:35.040 --> 01:18:42.600
family, a wife, anything else going on? He's not married. Not that I'm aware of. How often

1395
01:18:42.600 --> 01:18:51.000
do you see him? Almost every day. Almost every day. We live very close by like 20 minutes

1396
01:18:51.000 --> 01:18:56.480
apart. Okay. All right. So you have to, you know, you'll get there in my book. If you

1397
01:18:56.480 --> 01:18:59.920
already have the book, if you have the book, just go ahead and skip to this part. Okay.

1398
01:18:59.920 --> 01:19:05.880
It's going to be important for you. You need to look at the part of the book. I think it's

1399
01:19:05.880 --> 01:19:11.160
chapter nine that talks about the framework of defining the relationship about where it's

1400
01:19:11.160 --> 01:19:15.760
going and you need to have some serious conversations with this guy. Has he ever said that he wants

1401
01:19:15.760 --> 01:19:22.960
to marry you? Yeah, he says, yeah, he does. Because I have asked him like, you know, cause

1402
01:19:22.960 --> 01:19:30.880
I will, this is a thing I told him, like, I'm just giving myself into this relationship

1403
01:19:30.880 --> 01:19:38.080
this last month. And in this month, I don't hear anything from you. Then this is it. You

1404
01:19:38.080 --> 01:19:43.200
know, I'm praying. I'm fasting. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why that's not a

1405
01:19:43.200 --> 01:19:47.960
good idea. You guys, she's been with this guy for five years. He's never made any step

1406
01:19:47.960 --> 01:19:51.880
forward. It's not a sexual relationship. Sometimes when men are getting the milk, they don't,

1407
01:19:51.880 --> 01:19:55.520
they don't want to buy the cow. All right. They're getting the milk for free, so to speak.

1408
01:19:55.520 --> 01:20:00.040
Right. And so that happens a lot when people move in together, believe it or not, it is

1409
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.360
It's a bad, it's bad for the future relationship.

1410
01:20:04.360 --> 01:20:07.200
You know, for all of you, they're like, I don't want to have sex before marriage.

1411
01:20:07.200 --> 01:20:08.200
That's wonderful.

1412
01:20:08.200 --> 01:20:10.560
A lot of people do end up moving in with people.

1413
01:20:10.560 --> 01:20:14.520
They end up getting married eventually sometimes, and then they end up divorced.

1414
01:20:14.520 --> 01:20:18.120
It's a higher divorce rate for people that cohabitate before marriage.

1415
01:20:18.120 --> 01:20:19.120
She's got a situation.

1416
01:20:19.120 --> 01:20:20.720
He's local.

1417
01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:23.960
They've been exclusive for four and a half years at least.

1418
01:20:23.960 --> 01:20:30.320
And he has not made any move towards, you know, uh, proposing to her or marrying her.

1419
01:20:30.320 --> 01:20:34.500
If she gives him an ultimatum, if she says you got a month, I'm out.

1420
01:20:34.500 --> 01:20:38.900
This relationship is over if I don't have a ring or you don't have a plan to move forward.

1421
01:20:38.900 --> 01:20:42.180
You have to ask yourself, Susanna, this is so important.

1422
01:20:42.180 --> 01:20:46.080
Why would you want to move forward with him?

1423
01:20:46.080 --> 01:20:52.100
Because if we have to give an ultimatum and really threaten a man to marry us, do we really

1424
01:20:52.180 --> 01:20:54.180
want to marry him?

1425
01:20:54.180 --> 01:20:55.180
No.

1426
01:20:55.180 --> 01:20:56.180
Okay.

1427
01:20:56.180 --> 01:21:04.900
So, what's a better question for you, Susanna, is to find out why things haven't moved forward.

1428
01:21:04.900 --> 01:21:05.900
Okay?

1429
01:21:05.900 --> 01:21:07.660
Does he have some sort of secret life?

1430
01:21:07.660 --> 01:21:08.860
Does he have an addiction?

1431
01:21:08.860 --> 01:21:10.620
Is he just not a marriage-minded man?

1432
01:21:10.620 --> 01:21:12.900
Does he not have the money to buy a ring?

1433
01:21:12.900 --> 01:21:17.700
It's important for you to know the why, because if he's just not a marriage-minded person,

1434
01:21:17.700 --> 01:21:19.180
he just doesn't believe in marriage.

1435
01:21:19.180 --> 01:21:20.180
He's happy.

1436
01:21:20.420 --> 01:21:26.060
I don't know any man, you're a beautiful woman, who wants to date a woman for five years without

1437
01:21:26.060 --> 01:21:27.660
getting it on.

1438
01:21:27.660 --> 01:21:28.660
Okay?

1439
01:21:28.660 --> 01:21:29.660
I don't...

1440
01:21:29.660 --> 01:21:31.140
So, right there is a red flag for me.

1441
01:21:31.140 --> 01:21:35.580
If he's able, as an adult human, how old is this guy?

1442
01:21:35.580 --> 01:21:37.780
I'm 44 and he's 52.

1443
01:21:37.780 --> 01:21:39.160
All right.

1444
01:21:39.160 --> 01:21:40.340
He's 52 years old.

1445
01:21:40.340 --> 01:21:41.340
Has he been married before?

1446
01:21:41.340 --> 01:21:42.340
Yes, divorce.

1447
01:21:42.340 --> 01:21:43.340
Yeah.

1448
01:21:43.340 --> 01:21:45.940
How long has he been divorced for?

1449
01:21:45.940 --> 01:21:46.940
Ten years.

1450
01:21:46.940 --> 01:21:47.940
Okay.

1451
01:21:47.940 --> 01:21:48.940
Does he have adult children?

1452
01:21:48.940 --> 01:21:49.940
Yeah.

1453
01:21:50.700 --> 01:21:51.700
Okay.

1454
01:21:51.700 --> 01:21:54.380
So, you guys, that's probably the reason why he doesn't want to get married, is because

1455
01:21:54.380 --> 01:21:55.820
he's been married, divorced.

1456
01:21:55.820 --> 01:21:56.820
He's gone through divorce.

1457
01:21:56.820 --> 01:21:58.140
He probably lost some of his assets.

1458
01:21:58.140 --> 01:22:00.700
He had to pay child support, all the things.

1459
01:22:00.700 --> 01:22:05.060
Men get really gun-shy after that, but the thing that doesn't add up is this is not a

1460
01:22:05.060 --> 01:22:06.620
sexual relationship.

1461
01:22:06.620 --> 01:22:07.620
Okay?

1462
01:22:07.620 --> 01:22:11.300
Men still have sex drives in their 50s, and the fact that he's willing to date her for

1463
01:22:11.300 --> 01:22:16.620
this long without being able to consummate that relationship either tells me he's getting

1464
01:22:16.620 --> 01:22:23.580
it somewhere else, even if it's pornography, and or there's some disconnect in that area

1465
01:22:23.580 --> 01:22:30.540
of his life, because men are not going to just date you indefinitely because of that

1466
01:22:30.540 --> 01:22:31.540
very thing.

1467
01:22:31.540 --> 01:22:32.540
Okay?

1468
01:22:32.540 --> 01:22:34.700
So, you have, he has some explaining to do.

1469
01:22:34.700 --> 01:22:39.300
If that's important for your closure, I would definitely ask him those questions and, you

1470
01:22:39.300 --> 01:22:42.700
know, and get those answers.

1471
01:22:42.700 --> 01:22:47.260
But I really do not believe that you want to marry someone that you have to threaten

1472
01:22:47.260 --> 01:22:48.820
into marrying you.

1473
01:22:48.820 --> 01:22:55.380
Like, so, so should I just like end the relationship, tell him it's been too long, you know, I just

1474
01:22:55.380 --> 01:22:58.580
don't see this moving forward, I decide to just quit?

1475
01:22:58.580 --> 01:23:02.940
Yeah, I think that you need to have a heart-to-heart with him, and then, you know, I can, I can

1476
01:23:02.940 --> 01:23:06.620
coach you after that, but you definitely need to have a heart-to-heart.

1477
01:23:06.620 --> 01:23:09.300
Have you been the chill girl for most of this time?

1478
01:23:09.300 --> 01:23:11.260
Have you been just kind of going with the flow?

1479
01:23:11.260 --> 01:23:12.260
Yeah.

1480
01:23:12.820 --> 01:23:16.060
Guys, when the chill girl wakes up and realizes she's not really that chill, and she wants

1481
01:23:16.060 --> 01:23:20.900
a lot more than she's being offered, it usually gets a little, it gets a little dicey.

1482
01:23:20.900 --> 01:23:24.340
So Susanna's about to do that, we're all going to be there for it, we're going to be supporting

1483
01:23:24.340 --> 01:23:31.100
her, and so go have those hard conversations with him, do not chicken out, okay?

1484
01:23:31.100 --> 01:23:35.460
Read that part of the book, have those hard conversations, and then come and report back

1485
01:23:35.460 --> 01:23:38.260
in the app, and I'll give you some more coaching from there.

1486
01:23:38.260 --> 01:23:39.260
Okay?

1487
01:23:40.260 --> 01:23:41.260
Okay.

1488
01:23:41.260 --> 01:23:48.820
So, just read that, and then, like, is there a question that you can tell me, like, or

1489
01:23:48.820 --> 01:23:50.980
something to tell him, like?

1490
01:23:50.980 --> 01:23:54.340
I'll respond to your question in the app.

1491
01:23:54.340 --> 01:23:57.020
I'll write some stuff out that I think that you need to cover.

1492
01:23:57.020 --> 01:23:58.020
Okay.

1493
01:23:58.020 --> 01:23:59.020
All right.

1494
01:23:59.020 --> 01:24:00.020
Then you do that, and you report back.

1495
01:24:00.020 --> 01:24:01.020
Thank you.

1496
01:24:01.020 --> 01:24:02.020
Okay?

1497
01:24:02.020 --> 01:24:03.020
All right.

1498
01:24:03.020 --> 01:24:04.020
Bye, Susanna.

1499
01:24:04.020 --> 01:24:05.020
We're all, we're all rooting for you, we're praying for you.

1500
01:24:05.020 --> 01:24:07.100
Okay, friends, we've got to end, we're three minutes over.

1501
01:24:07.100 --> 01:24:09.620
I appreciate your patience in waiting.

1502
01:24:09.620 --> 01:24:11.700
This was a really good session.

1503
01:24:11.700 --> 01:24:15.540
Make sure that you're doing the homework from session one and two.

1504
01:24:15.540 --> 01:24:20.660
Later on tonight, you guys will be able to have access to the session three homework,

1505
01:24:20.660 --> 01:24:23.620
the reading, all the things, and we will see you there.

1506
01:24:23.620 --> 01:24:27.500
Don't forget, post your questions in the app, because I will answer them.

1507
01:24:27.500 --> 01:24:28.100
Bye, everyone.