Um, all right, welcome ladies.
It's so wonderful to be here.
Um, it is, uh, the one o'clock Eastern call for love story accelerator.
This is phase two.
I'm here at last year's single.
I'm Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here.
Um, if you've not met me before, it's wonderful to have you here with us.
Um, I am trying to do some things a little bit differently so that we stay on time.
I know for some of the ladies that have been here for a minute here with me know
that that has been something that I personally have been working on.
And so I am praying that I have found and unlocked the key to be able to do that.
So, um, bear with me here.
Uh, but yes, so I'm curious before we get started here, do I have any brand
new ladies to phase two, anyone bring a new, I don't think there's a couple
people, Natalie, I don't recognize you.
And I apologize if you were here last week and I just, maybe you were on
camera and I don't recognize you.
Um, and again, sometimes if you ladies are in the app, it's again,
I'm trying to put faces with names.
Um, I just always ask because I don't want to miss anybody that is brand new.
Um, I want to make sure that you feel seen loved and welcomed here in our new
community, um, and phase two, because I know for a lot of you ladies, that is,
that's can be like a big step, like going from phase one to phase two, where it's
like, you get comfortable in phase one and then you have to shift over to phase
two and you're like, but wait, I like want to go back.
I know Catherine, you're smiling.
I think you probably relate to that.
Yeah.
And so, um, I do that because I just want to make sure that I'm acknowledging that.
Um, and so even if there's anybody on replay that is watching, um, watching
and replay and you are, um, brand new, then we definitely want to welcome you as
well.
Okay, good.
Natalie, that is your first time in phase two.
Good.
Sometimes I get it wrong and then I feel really terrible.
Cause someone's like, no, I've been here for like a month, Carla.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel horrible.
Um, and then, uh, or sometimes people show up to the eight o'clock and they've
just been here for a couple months and they've never come to the one o'clock
cause this one o'clock hour sometimes has smaller.
Well, not sometimes it usually has smaller numbers because it's the middle of the day.
Um, so I, I just want to make sure that I'm not leaving anybody out.
Okay.
Before I do our housekeeping items, um, I want to do things a little differently.
I want to just take a minute and I want to, um, procrastination in phase one.
Yep.
I'm a big procrastinator myself, so I totally get that.
Um, but I want to start off, um, each call on Tuesday, one o'clock.
I want to just take a minute to just.
Take time to celebrate, um, especially things that I'm noticing.
Um, and so some things that I noticed this week when I was in the app is I noticed some
new friendships being formed, which was really awesome.
Um, I saw Tiffany and Karen, um, they got together.
They took a picture and posted that, which I thought was really cool.
Again, it's, it warms my heart because I've been in this community since the very beginning
in 2020, um, when everything was shut down.
And so it was, it was my connection when I, when we couldn't, couldn't connect in like
real life, you know?
And so I built a lot of relationships through this community.
And then once things began to open up and we began traveling again, I actually got to
meet so many of the women in this community when I was a single and I was at the time
living in Florida.
And so a lot of women would come down and so I would get to meet them that way.
And I, like I cherish and treasure like that piece of this program.
And so when I see that happening in the community, I just really want to celebrate that.
Um, I noticed a lot of women just courageously, um, getting vulnerable with their questions.
And so I just, I know for some of us that can be a challenge and it takes a lot of courage
and bravery to do that.
And so I want to celebrate that.
Um, I recognize a lot of ladies are starting to slow down their pacing in relationships,
which is awesome.
Okay, that's one of the big steps as you move from phase one to phase two, and you go back
into dating is learning how to pace our relationships again, and differently.
Again, I'm seeing more women leaning into this community instead of hiding, which is
huge.
And just honest conversations are starting to happen and that allows for growth.
And I know that's not always easy to come to a place where we might not know everybody
and we have to get vulnerable and we have to have honest conversations with ourselves
and rip band-aids off.
But that's where the growth happens.
And so I want to take a minute just to recognize that because that's not always easy, all right?
Sometimes we don't want to hear the things that we don't want to hear.
We don't want to have those honest conversations.
And sometimes as a coach, it's a challenge to sit down and have those honest conversations,
okay?
Because we want to connect with you.
We want you to feel safe with us and we want you to know that we love and adore you.
And that is our heart.
And so I appreciate when we recognize that and we can see that.
And so again, I just want to celebrate that this community, especially if you're brand
new to phase two, this community isn't about having all the answers, okay?
Myself, Ebony, Bethany, and all the coaches that you have that you're going to have here
at Last Year Single, we've definitely walked through this program.
Some of us are single.
Some of us were single and then our success stories and are married now.
And we definitely carry some wisdom and some knowledge, but that doesn't mean that we have
all the answers.
Can God use us as a resource to unlock those answers?
Certainly, you know, but the biggest thing about this community is, you know, not just
finding the husband, but becoming the women that God has created us to be and learning
to walk with Jesus and doing it together in community.
And that's something to celebrate.
Okay.
And that doesn't always mean we're going to have the answers because even when we come
to the Lord in prayer, I mean, I don't know about you all, but there's times I go to the
Lord in prayer and he doesn't give me an answer right away.
Does that happen for anybody else?
Yeah, he doesn't always give me the answer right away.
And so I don't want you to feel discouraged that when you come for coaching or you come
in the app and ask for coaching, that we might not answer your question or we might not answer
the question the way that you want to want to hear it.
Okay.
And we might answer it and it might not be something that's sitting with your spirit
and that's okay.
It's all about the process as us working together of walking out what Jesus wants us to learn
in this process.
And so I really just want to highlight that today.
And so before we jump into the housekeeping and so just ladies keep showing up because
I'm seeing a lot of fruit that's taking place and things that are starting to happen.
I'm seeing growth take place.
So I was really excited jumping an app this week and seeing all your posts.
So a couple housekeeping items, I think we saw the, I think I asked if there was anybody
brand new.
I don't know if anybody else jumped on us.
I got Natalie.
She's brand new.
I don't think anybody else is, but we want to definitely welcome you.
If you are happy, if you happen to be watching this in replay, all right, so this doesn't
apply to any ladies that are online with me right now, but if you are watching this in
replay ladies, I want to encourage you to engage in the app throughout this week.
Okay.
We definitely encourage you to come to these live sessions.
Okay.
I mean, that's why we have two of them for the one o'clock Eastern and the eight 8 PM
Eastern and hopes that we can at least fit at least one into your schedule.
So we definitely want to see you live, but we get life happens.
And if it does, we still want you engaging with us.
Okay.
I do want to remind you ladies that we do offer one-on-one coaching.
It's not included in your membership.
There is.
feed to that, but it is available. You'll find that in the resource tab. What that includes is
a 50-minute session with a coach that you set up with, okay, myself, Ebony, several other coaches
were available to you. And so when you go to that page, you can click through all of the coaches
and find whoever, you know, the Lord is leading you to schedule one with and what our schedules
look like so that you can pick a day and a time that works best for you. And then, ladies, I want
to keep encouraging you to complete those activations. I saw three ladies post, I think,
last night and this morning, the activation. So I'm going to be looking at those. I'm excited
about that. We had that flag audit last week. We talked about green, yellow, and red flags.
And then we'll have another activation this week. The activation this week is
really not daunting. It's something that you're going to be able to sporadically do throughout
the week as questions come up in your heart of things that, you know, you're wanting
resolution to, things that you're speaking with God with. So we'll get to that here in a minute.
I also want to touch base on just what our community culture is here, especially in phase two.
Like ladies, I really want us to make sure that we're focusing on celebrating and staying positive.
That's important. My husband and I were actually just talking last night and yesterday through the
day of how it's very easy for the world and society to look at things in a lens of what's not
going well, what's negative. You know, you turn on the news and it's always negative, right?
And we were having that conversation because I'm typically someone who's looking for solutions.
All right. I'm looking at what can, what problems can I fix? What can I solve for people?
How can I make things better? And so that can get challenging. And so
I know myself, I have to really focus on making sure that I allow space and time for celebrating
the good things that are happening. Because if we don't, we can get stuck in that. And so I really
want us to make sure that that's what we're doing. I'm seeing a lot of that already and how you all
are encouraging one another. I think it was, I think it's Kaylee. I've seen her a lot this week,
just pouring in to a lot of ladies and their posts. And that's been awesome. I see a lot of
other ladies too. That's just the one that comes to my mind and just the encouragement. And so
we definitely want to celebrate each other. We want to encourage each other.
We want to be able to receive. Okay. We want to have that open heart to receive. We want to be
teachable. And so that's important. Okay. So just do those, those checks with yourself. Like,
am I being teachable? Okay. Am I, am I hardening myself right now to what
I'm being taught? Okay. I was notorious for that. All right. There'll be times that Jackie would
coach me on something and I'd just be like, Oh, I don't like that. You know, I don't like what
she's saying there. But I would have to spend time really making sure that I was going into
a heart posture of being teachable. And again, we just want to make sure that we're growing together.
Okay. We're, we're not looking for perfection. We have a lot of grace here. Especially as coaches,
because we have, we've been working this program for quite some time. I know I'm a success story,
but I actually practice a lot of heartwork principles still daily. Okay. So I get it.
And we just want to, again, remind you ladies, like our heart here is to allow the space
that every woman here deserves an opportunity to receive that thoughtful coaching.
We want you to feel safe. We want you to feel supported. And that is important to us in
creating that environment. And so one of the ways that we do that, and then one of the ways that you
can help us do that is by allowing our coaching team to guide those reflective coaching questions
in here on the calls, as well as in the app. And so, you know, I love, I want to continue to see
the encouragement, but I want you to be mindful if you're catching yourself coaching other women.
Okay. I had, when I was just a member here, I had to be mindful of that because I have a natural tendency.
to want to coach and teach. It's just part of my gift. But when I did that, I
oftentimes was shutting myself off to receive. And so we want to make sure that
you ladies are opening yourself up to that being able to receive. And so just
help us be able to do that. Okay? All right. I'm gonna give us a quick prayer.
All right. I'm trying to shorten my prayers too, because I'm a person that
could probably pray really long. And so I'm gonna try to limit myself there as
well so that we can move through and make space for questions. Okay, so, um,
yes. So Heavenly Father, I just thank you for today. Lord, I just ask that you
just, um, bless each woman here today, Lord. Um, spend this this time together
to teach us, show us, heal us and grow us. Lord, give us the space to receive
what it is that you want to want to give us today. The wisdom that you want to
pour into us, Lord. Open us up to being able to just receive, Lord, and, um,
continuing to support one another, and be here for one another and grow with one
another. And we ask this in your son's name. Amen. Okay, so today's topic is
going to be on curiosity. All right. And with curiosity, that opens us up to
this invitation to trust God. All right. And so this week, when I was reading
through a lot of the post, I kept seeing the same invitation from God. And while I
was looking at different posts from different women, with different
situations, and different questions, I still was seeing the same invitation.
And so I want to share and I want you you all like I'm going to I'm going to
share some of the questions that I saw. And if any of them resonate with you
where you're like, yep, that's me. That's a question that I had this week. Or, yeah,
that's a question that I have often. That's something that comes up quite
often in me. I want you to either just raise your avatar hand. If you can't
raise your avatar hand in the chat and you'd be like, yep, me. Like, just, you know,
put a little hand in the in the chat or just put like, that's me. Then I want you
to do that because I want to see I want to kind of get a idea of if this is I
think it is many of us but I'm just I want I want to see I'm just curious. Okay.
So some of the questions that popped up that I noticed this week are, am I doing
this right? Does anybody, does that, is that something that resonates with you?
Like, am I doing this right? Is this a red flag? Or maybe, is this a red flag?
Yellow flag? Is this a green flag? Like, tell me what flag this is. If you're, maybe
you're dating. Hey, should I end this? What should I do about this situation? I end
it. Do I keep going forward? Do I pause? Anybody else? Yeah. Okay. Am I attracting
the wrong men? Like, what am I doing? Like, is there something that I'm doing
that's attracting this type of man? Okay. I'm seeing hands. This is good. Okay. Did I
ruin this? Y'all, that was a big one. I'm like, oh my gosh. Did I completely just
ruin my chances? Did I ruin my opportunity with this guy that I was
really interested in? Did I ruin it? Did I ruin my shot, my opportunity? This is
another one. Did I miss God's best? Did I just shut something down that, what if
God doesn't reappear? Yeah. Yes. Or like, that's another one. Or am I, like, am I
not attracting anyone? Am I not attracting the right people? Or are people
attracted to me? Okay. So those are the questions that I'm recognizing. And those
are all definitely on the surface, ladies. Those are all dating questions, right? Or relationship
questions, which is why we're here in phase two, okay? And so some of the ladies that are in our
phase, they might not be dating yet. And so I know sometimes what happens is if my ladies in here
that aren't dating, they feel like, well, I can't come to this phase or come to these calls because
I'm not dating anyone. And ladies, I want to highlight something here. What God is highlighting
to me as well is while these on the surface are dating questions, if we dig deeper, if we go below
the surface, they're not just dating questions. They're questions about trust. They're trust
questions. And those don't always mean it has to do with dating. Okay. And so, um, yeah. So like
Laura said, she wasn't dating right away, so she can, she'll, and I know she'll be one too, that
will tell you, like, she's shown up even in the season where she might not have been dating, but
she was showing up and she was, um, participating and I'm, I'm sure she's gained a lot of wisdom
through that. And so that's what I really want to focus on today when I talk about curiosity and
the invitation to trust God. Okay. Um, a lot of those questions sound like, what should I do?
Should I end it? Did I ruin it? Is this a red flag? Like, should I keep moving forward? Um,
and so I couldn't help but wonder this week, like, what if God is asking us a different
question or wants us to ask a different question? Um, it was interesting because, um, at my church
this week, our, our pastor brought up those, um, this is going to age me, ladies, those, those
nineties bracelets that, that catchphrase, the WWJD, what would Jesus do? Okay. He brought those
up today. And of course, like we have a lot of young adults in our, our, our church, which is great,
you know, um, which is great for my kids and stuff. I have some teen kids and, um, you know,
it's funny to think like those kids had no idea what we were talking about. And I'm like, dang,
I'm like, I'm old. I'm in my forties. And I'm like, is it really that long ago? Was it really
that long ago that we had those? And so, you know, that question is like, what would Jesus do?
And so we do, we come to that question. It's like, what should I do? Like, Jesus, what would you do?
Should I end it? Should I not like, is this a red flag? Is this not? And so, um, I got to thinking
what if that's not the question we need to be asking? What should I do? But instead,
maybe God's wanting us to ask us, what am I trying to show you?
What is it that I'm trying to show you? Because that question is going to change the posture of
our hearts completely. And so if you listen to this week's, um, Supernatural Saturday,
I know it was a little short cause Jackie was, uh, was traveling and I know like it kind of
ended and some people were like, Whoa, what happened? Um, but she emphasized this week.
And if you haven't listened to it, I encourage you ladies every week, if you cannot jump live,
jump on live, watch the replay of Supernatural Saturday. Um, she, she mentions, um, and she kind
of talks a little bit about that prayer that she, she often brings to this community that she learned
to pray a long time ago was teach me, show me, heal me, grow me. And it really is a heart posture
prayer that really shifts how we pray. We're not going and seeking for the actual answer.
We're asking the Lord to, to, to do more in our hearts. Um, it will shift the focus completely.
It will shift the focus completely. And so I know I'm definitely at times can go to the Lord
and prayer and be like, Lord, I need you to do this for me, or I need to see this.
Okay. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that's human.
Like it's, that's, that's natural. That's, it's humanly natural to want,
want those prayers of where we're asking for certainty. It's natural to want certainty.
And I know that's come up.
a lot in the last several weeks for a lot of us is that we want certainty. We
just want to know what it's gonna look like. But I can't help but think what God
is really starting to reveal to us in this season is that what he wants deeper
is the transformation. It's that invitation for us to actually transform
our hearts. And so when we shift our prayer and we shift that focus it
actually allows God to start working and shifting and doing that heartwork in us.
And it starts that healing process. Okay and so the curiosity doesn't
necessarily remove wisdom because I think sometimes people are like but I
just want wisdom. I want certainty. I want wisdom. And we're not asking you to
eliminate that altogether. Curiosity doesn't mean that we're gonna ignore
red flags ladies. It doesn't mean that we're gonna tolerate unhealthy
behaviors that are showing up. And it doesn't mean we're gonna stay somewhere
that God is prompting us and asking us to leave. The curiosity what it does is
it actually gives us this gift of time to gather more information before
drawing conclusions when it's appropriate to do so. It actually allows
us to sit and listen and really get a heart transformation and posture our
hearts so that more can be done. And so one thing I noticed and I noticed this
in myself and I noticed it here in this community as well. Not just currently but
over the last five almost six years of being in this community many of us want
certainty because it feels safe. I know I do. Ladies I'm right there with you.
Y'all if I could spend this you know 90 minutes with you know sit and y'all just
have a testimony hour with you. I mean the things that I could unpack over the
last three years of you know my success story. You know I know y'all are here
single but you know I moved from the single and then I found someone I
still wanted certainty. And I had to like we all want the certainty of like the
marriage the promise of the husband. Yeah I had it and then I still wanted
certainty. We don't ever have this like not wanting certainty. We just we get the
certainty and then we still want more certainty. And so I mean we want it
because it feels safe to us. But ladies I have to tell you that certainty isn't
what's gonna transform us. That's a reality. Walking with God through the
uncertainty that's where the transformation happens. That's the growth.
I know that's not always what we want to hear but I also want us to recognize but
that doesn't also mean that God does not come in his timing and gives us the
certainty and the promises that he has given us. He gives us promises but guess
what ladies every promise is gonna have a process and it's those that process is
the preparation. And so I don't want you ladies ignoring the process and the
uncertainty and that transformation that can happen because that is such a great
gift that's actually going to prepare you for the promise that's gonna take
you into another season of again you're gonna want certainty. I promise you that.
Okay all right take it from me the certainty of once I found my like my
husband found me like it felt good for a while but then when I stepped into that
season oh there was more stuff I thought I arrived ladies that lasted for a brief
moment okay and so I don't want you to like ignore that gift of this season
right now
of what God's doing right now, in you, in this season, in this community, in this
single season, right before he delivers this promise of a husband for you.
Ladies, he's going to deliver that promise to you. You're gonna look back
and be like, and cherish this single season. And there's gonna be moments
where you're gonna be like, oh, I'm so thankful of the preparation that I did.
Because the preparation that you did now is going to give you the, um, the, the
capacity and the wisdom to carry out what's coming ahead. And you're gonna be so, so
grateful that you absorbed that. Okay? And so, um, before moving on, I want to give
you some practical examples. And so if you want to write these down, you can. If
you want to watch and replay and then take notes in the replay, you can always
do that as well. So instead of ladies asking yourself, should I end this
relationship? Okay? And I'm not saying that you're not gonna ask these
questions. You're still gonna ask the question, should I end this relationship?
But I also want you asking yourself, I want you to go deeper. I also want you to
try asking yourself, Lord, teach me what you're revealing. So instead of just
asking, should I end this relationship? Also ask, Lord, teach me what you're
revealing. Instead of asking, did I ruin this? Try praying, Lord, show me what's
happening inside of me. That's a transformative prayer. That is one that's
going to grow you. Instead of asking, what does this mean about him? We're
good at that, ladies. We want to, we want to analyze these dudes. We want to figure
all of them out. Yeah. When sometimes we just need to figure ourselves out. So
instead of asking, what does this mean about him? Instead ask, Lord, what are you
growing in me?
This is another one. This one's a huge one. You ready for this one, ladies? Instead
of asking, how do I know if he's my husband? This is the one we want to ask.
You just want that certainty. Is he my husband? I want you to pause and ask
yourself, what are you teaching me today?
All right. I don't want to spend too much time, but I do want to kind of give you,
you know, my own personal story. I won't go into too much detail because I want to
save room for time for questions. But there was a time when I was in the season,
and I think I've, I've shared this prior. I know I shared this earlier, but I
think one of my one-on-one calls earlier in the week or the last couple of weeks,
there was a time that when I was in the season and I was dating, and I was dating a
really, really great guy. He was really intentional, so respectful, like so
considerate of me, complimented me often, really made me feel seen and cherished,
adored, was really respectful and considerate of the fact that I was a single mom.
You know, one of the things that he did was, you know, he would, you know,
I was a single mom. You know, one of the things that he did was he always offered
to pay for my babysitter. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you don't need to do that.
You know, like I've just genuinely, I was like, guys never really did that before.
And I was, you know, I was blessed in my community that I didn't always have to
pay for a sitter. I had really close friends and church family that offered to
watch my son without me needing to pay them. Oftentimes their kids were friends
with my son and.
My son coming over actually gave them a break from their own kids because the kids just played really well together
Dana, yeah, she knows what I'm talking about. Like sometimes I'm like, yeah, bring the kids over because then my kids get out of my hair
I don't know what it is. Like when you introduce another kid into the mix
It's like your kids stop fighting
Because there's like another kid in in the in the mix
And so I didn't always have to do that, but I really valued and appreciated this guy
For recognizing it to being considerate of it. Just genuinely
He was a believer. I knew he was a believer. We talked about
Faith and we talked about our walk with God and so on paper like he was a really great guy
Physically, I wasn't like he wasn't unattractive, but I I wasn't physically drawn to him
but that was a season in my life where I felt like God was
Working in me like not to look at the physical but to look more at the heart
because I in my 20s was always looking at the physical appearance and
Dating guys that I was physically attracted to and that was always leaning towards the physical
and so I was always
understanding me
in relationships where
Their hearts were not
very good and
Weren't treating me well, and so I was in toxic relationships where yeah like on the outside
They were really attractive
But on the inside it was not and so
that was a season and so I just kind of overlooked that but I
Just couldn't land on I don't I don't know if if I need to continue with this guy or not
He definitely was pursuing me. He wanted a relationship with me. I was still really unsure
and
Ladies, I would love to tell you that God gave me an answer
When I went to prayer Lord, do I move forward? Do I not?
Ladies God didn't give me an answer
I had to make a decision and
Just go with it and I didn't know whether my decision was the right decision or not. I
Didn't have certainty
but God
Was working something else in me
He was transforming my heart into something bigger was learning to trust him in the uncertainty
Learning y'all I'm a control freak I
Want to control things like you have no idea
something I still have to work on daily and
So back then I mean this was years ago. This was like four or five years ago
Yeah, it would be for like four years ago and
I
like I didn't know what the answer was and so I just made a decision to just go ahead and end things and
I was like Lord did I am I ending this and am I ruining my shot?
No, I didn't have a lot of guys that wanted to continue to date me like I go on one date
Typically wasn't getting a second date
For whatever reason, okay
and so I had some fear the one guy out of
Several and out of a really long time of being in last year single
The one guy that's actually wanting to
Be exclusive I'm saying no, sorry. Bye
And I was like, I don't know if I'm doing this right
But I was like, okay
What's happening in me? I just felt like I had to kind of separate. I I didn't have a piece about it
and I was like, okay, I
There was a few
Yellow flags that I was like, okay. This is giving me information. And so I'm gonna go off the information that I have
Okay, there was good information. There was also some other information some yellow flags that
Really kind of didn't align with
What I was, you know praying
for God for
and
And I'm not gonna go into too much detail there, but I released this guy and ladies for a year
Every now and then the the conversation would get brought up and
And Jackie would be the one like hey, whatever happened to that one guy that you were dating
and
I'd be like, oh my gosh. Does this mean I ruined it? Is she bringing it up because he was my my only shot
And this happened a couple times, but I had to lean on trusting God because when I released
that and I went to the Lord and I went to him in prayer and he didn't give me an answer,
I said, okay, God, I'm going to give, I'm here, here's my decision.
And this is what I'm praying to you, Lord.
I need you that if I need to trust you with this God, God, if I made the wrong
decision, and I'm not in alignment with what you want for me in my life.
And there's some fear that I made this decision.
I need you to reveal that to me.
And I need you to bring this man back into my life.
Not by my will, not by my doing, not by my prompting.
I need you to put him in my life so that I know it's you and it's not me forcing something.
I need to let go of my control.
That was something that God was working in me.
And I'm like, but if this is the right decision, I'm going to trust that you're going to keep
the door closed.
So ladies, all through a year, like there were times I'm like, oh, is this, this God
putting him back in my life?
And I would want to go reach out to him.
And God's like, no, Carla, that's you trying to control the situation, sit, let me sort
it out.
I'm like, okay, fine.
So I'd have to sit on my hands.
Not something that I'm very good at y'all.
A week before my husband reached out to me, I had a conversation with Jackie and she brought
up this guy again.
And I honestly considered reaching back out to that guy a year after I kind of ended it
with him, but God reminded me again, don't do it.
So I sat on my hands.
A week later, my husband dropped into my DMs and the rest is history.
I later found out after I was dating my husband, that the guy that I was like had dated, he
was already in a relationship and moved on.
And I was like, oh, thank the Lord.
I could have probably got myself in a really awkward position and probably discouraged
myself even more.
And I was already in a pretty discouraged place, believe it or not.
But God actually like, when I look back, I'm like, he was actually doing something else
deeper in me.
He was helping me see what it looked like to trust him and to not control a situation
and that he wasn't withholding any answers from me.
Because he didn't, remember, he didn't give me an answer.
I had to decide for myself.
He was actually inviting me to have deeper intimacy with him.
And I get to look back as I carry on my life and I have moments where I don't get certainty
and I get to recall that time like, Lord, you didn't give me answers then, but you still
came through.
I didn't know the answer then, but I let you have it.
I put it at your feet and I didn't try to control it and you still gave me my promise
and it looked way better than I thought I could imagine it.
So now when I sit in my life now in some uncertainty, I get to remember, this is not about having
God give me the answer.
This is not about a coach at last year's single giving me the answer of what is it
that I'm supposed to do.
This is, God, what are you trying to do inside my heart?
How are you trying to transform me?
What are you inviting me into?
How do you want me to grow deeper into intimacy with you, Father?
Because ladies, that intimacy that you all are going to continue to build with the Father
in this season is going to benefit your marriage.
I promise you that.
It really is going to give you the capacity for what marriage is about.
There is so much growth in marriage and we want, like having that foundation, that deep
intimacy with the Father is what's going to help sustain when the enemy wants to come
kill, steal and destroy marriage and family.
So I know when we're sitting in this single season, we're frustrated.
We want the certainty.
I just want to know.
Oh God, but ladies, I'm here to tell you there's something deeper that God's inviting you into.
And so that's not to discourage you.
That's to encourage you and it's to give you hope that every single circumstance and situation
that you're walking through right now in the season, God is using for his glory.
He is using to equip you and to grow you and to draw you nearer to him.
And so I want that to resonate with you ladies this week because God isn't going to address
and answer every dating question immediately.
Okay.
If he did, we might find a husband, but we could actually miss becoming the woman that
he's actually inviting us to become.
God isn't simply just preparing us for marriage, but he's preparing us for that deeper intimacy
with him.
And ladies, like having walked through this program, that is another one of the big gifts
and fruits of this community.
It's not always getting the answer.
It's becoming the woman that knows how to walk with God even when we don't have an answer.
And then when God delivers the promise of your husband, you get someone else to walk
that out in.
And guess what, ladies?
Your husband's going to have to discover that for himself as well.
And so that's what you pray for.
You pray for a man that in this season, while you're waiting for him to find you, that God
is working this in him as well.
We work on ourselves and our husbands are working on them because ladies, I will even
attest to the fact that men's connection and intimacy with the Lord will look completely
different than the way the feminine's intimacy looks with the Lord.
And that will be something that you'll grow in.
And so it will be very wise to be praying that in while you're waiting for these men
to find you.
And ladies, I'll be honest with you.
I was frequently having prayers to my husband in the spirit being like, you better get off
your bum and figure this out and find me quickly because I'm tired of waiting on you.
All right.
It doesn't mean that we don't have those moments, okay?
We do, okay?
Yes, he does need to hurry up.
Absolutely.
100%.
Hurry up.
But definitely just embrace that.
I really hope this teaching that you ladies will embrace that.
So we're going to get ready and take questions.
But before we do that, I want to jump into the weekly activation.
It's really quick this week.
So the activation this week is before asking God for an answer this week, okay?
Before you sit with God and ask him to give you an answer this week, I want y'all to pause
and I want you to pray that Jackie prayer.
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
Really want you to sit in that heart posture of transformation.
And then I want you to share one thing that God revealed to you this week.
And that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to share the answer that he gave you.
But what I'm looking for is what revelation did he reveal to you with your question?
All right, practicing those questions, all right?
So I will post that up later this evening, that activation, so that you'll have that
in the app.
Let's go ahead and get started on our coaching piece, because this is definitely one of my
favorite parts about our Tuesday calls, because this is where we get to learn and grow from
one another's experiences.
So if you've got a question, I want you to go ahead and put your hand up.
All right?
I know Dana's got one.
Don't be shy, ladies, okay?
We've got at least about a good 40 minutes, okay?
That should be enough to get through like four to six ladies.
So if there's more...
You definitely come with your questions. Okay. It's a little sometimes I know we can spend a
little more time. Good. Now I'm getting some questions. Awesome. Okay. Just a reminder. Okay.
If you, if, if while I'm taking these questions, if we've got some more, keep in mind, ladies,
we want to try to keep these questions to about two minutes. All right. So that we can really
just land on the one specific question that you want mostly answered. Now, if you have multiple
questions and that happens, okay, we're going to work or do our best to work through everybody
first, and then we'll circle back. If there's enough time, because remember, again, I really
want to do our best to make space so that every woman gets the opportunity. Then when we keep our
questions and we kind of just share the, just the little bit of context and we land on the question,
it allows for myself and any other coaches on any other calls to really be able to
give each lady a sincere, thoughtful response. But then we get to have the opportunity to coach
the community as a whole. And so we want to be able to have that opportunity to do that.
And we don't want to take all that time. If we don't get to your question before you have to
hop off. So maybe you have to hop off before the call ends. Put your question in the Zoom chat
and we'll do our best to answer it before we end the call. So that if you want to catch it in replay,
if time runs out, post it in the last year single app and we'll be happy to get your question
there. Okay. All right, Dana, I'm going to take your question. Then I got Luani, I got Fran, and
then I got Laura. And again, if any other ladies decide, okay, I'm going to be bold and I'm going
to ask my question, go ahead and throw up your avatar hand. Okay. All right, Dana, you may unmute.
How are you doing? I just want to give you an update. I do have a question as well, but I want
to give you an update. They found no cancer. None. I am so grateful. I still have to go and see,
I still have to go and have some surgery. But I'm believing that that is going to show up
absolutely nothing. So it's been a couple of months. Yeah. Thank you so much for praying.
Absolutely. Yeah. I'm still, I'm still contending for you in the spirit, Dana.
When is that surgery? Oh, this is Canada. I have no idea. It'll be, it'll be months. Okay. And
it's just a DNC. So it'll be, it'll be a day surgery kind of thing. Okay. Okay. Well keep,
keep me posted when that is so that we can be praying for that. God is so good. Praise the Lord.
Girl, I got goosebumps. I'm so thankful.
God is so good. Yes. And amen. I love it. All right. And then I have, I'm in the,
I'm in the modern dating sucks book club book club. Thank you. And we're supposed to put
up an advisory team together. And I'm wondering like, could this be my team? Because one of the
things Jackie was talking about was that the people needed to have known you for a long time.
And the people in my life now have only known me for a very short time because I haven't been in
my church for very long. And the people from my past aren't in my life anymore, or the ones that
are, wouldn't be helpful. I don't see why not. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I was going to say,
I was going to ask her and then we ran out of time. Yeah. And I mean,
I can go double check, but I don't see why not. I mean, because you show up here.
What does the advisory team look like? What is she, what is she asking y'all to do?
It's three to five people who know you who not just know your potential or what they want for
you, but they want the best for you. And they're willing to call you on your stupid behavior.
Okay. Okay. I'm going to, okay. If you use us for that, this is what I'm going to challenge you
with. Okay. Yeah. It's not just going to be you showing up on the zoom. Okay. I want to see.
you posting in the app.
Okay.
Can you do that?
Yeah.
I want more updates from you.
I want more insight so that we can kind of see what's going on.
That will help us have more eyes on you and help you be accountable.
Sound good?
Yeah.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Thank you.
with the commitment that you're going to post more.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Thank you so much, Dana.
And again, praise Jesus.
I love it.
Thank you for that update.
All right.
Luani.
Hey, girl.
It's so good to see you.
Hi.
How are you doing?
Well, Dana, praises to God.
That was, you know, amazing news.
So, well, I had to stop a dating app because I was having heart palpitations.
I was having trouble sleeping.
It was a mess.
It was basically three weeks on Bumble and it drove me nuts.
It made me question every single thing.
Apparently, every single guy wants a very fit person, like a very active person.
Apparently here in Tulsa, everybody hunts and I'm a vegetarian.
Everybody is outdoorsy and wants to camp.
So it's like, I, yeah, I don't know.
Yeah.
You're in Oklahoma, aren't you?
Yeah.
I mean, goodness.
How far away are you from North Texas?
Four hours by car.
North Texas has some guys that are not, I mean, we got our outdoorsy hunting men here,
but once you get closer to the Metroplex, it gets a little more bougie.
So if you're able to travel and do long distance, I'm just going to throw that out there.
Okay.
That might be a solution.
Okay.
There you go.
It's not that far from home.
It gives me a little bit of hope.
So after this experience, I've had to reflect on a lot of things and one being, why am I
allowing frustration to both just be something I'd just shut down to, you know, kind of like,
this is frustrating me, bam, away from the apps.
And then a second thing happened when, while I'm Brazilian, we're following the World Cup
and the whole group of 30 Brazilians that live in Tulsa are meeting up.
I love it.
Girl, this is another reason.
Come to Dallas because they've been, they've all been, I mean, I don't know if the Brazilians
are playing here, but we've had a, like.
They actually played yesterday in Houston.
Okay.
Yeah.
And I was just, people in Dallas, like my son had a baseball tournament in like the
Arlington area.
And I was like, during the time of the World Cup, I'm like, are we going to be battling
this massive traffic?
But yes, lots of stuff going on with World Cup.
Okay.
So all these Brazilians in Tulsa, they're all meeting up.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I was sharing two, three girls that I know better about the thing.
And then one of them just leaves and returns with a guy.
And she's like, here, here's your solution.
And I'm like, no.
So she set you up?
Yeah.
But like in three minutes, she just like brought the guy in and like soccer player and just
that kind of guy that wants just to hook up, you know?
Oh, okay.
So they're like, okay, then don't complain.
You know, like, um, so what do I do?
Like, I want this to happen.
So I'm off the apps again.
A couple things.
So okay, let me just make sure I'm landing on your question.
Okay.
Um, one, are you asking like, what, what do I do?
Like if I'm not on apps, what do I do?
Okay.
So I returned to the apps and just be a grown woman and do it.
Okay.
That's good.
All right.
So a couple things.
One thing that I absolutely love that you're doing is you, and ladies, I want to point
this out, um, that I want to celebrate what she's doing really, really well.
Like she's applying exactly what we just talked about today.
stop the dating apps because after three weeks she noticed like she's getting heart palpitations,
she's recognizing you know what she's coming across a lot of these guys are like you know
they want women that are outdoorsy and will go hunting and and she's like whoa this is too much
it's it's causing something inside of her so she took a pause okay but instead of just taking a
pause did you all hear how she says I was reflecting why do I allow the frustration to shut
down that's important so Luani I want you like I want you to continue to sit with that
okay and again God might not give us all the answers right away but spend time in prayer
okay go to him okay sometimes we have to go in prayer a couple times we have to you know be in
the word a couple times and over time he'll reveal things to us of why that is okay like Jackie says
in in heart work we don't want you ladies and going like taking the massive shovel and digging
okay we want the soil to soften so it can just naturally come up okay so we want to
see what surfaces so I want to what you're doing right now like that's that's what you're doing
okay you put things on pause and that's great so this could be a season where God's saying okay
I'm putting you on pause and I might not have you in a season of meeting a lot of people right now
because I'm introducing you and then giving you an invitation to sit with me and discover something
right now okay that doesn't mean that you have to stop engaging with people being social letting
people know that you're single and want to meet people but I don't want you to get discouraged
that when people introduce you to people this is another thing I want you to celebrate you
recognized that this person that she brought in wasn't someone that was marriage-minded
and and that was okay I think it's amazing that you were in an environment where you got to
be in a community y'all had similar interest and you got to learn more about other people and they
got to learn more about you and you got to share like yeah I'm I'm looking to to date people and I
I don't seem I can't find anything I'm curious when you were talking with her um did she have
an idea of what exactly that you were looking for did um yes but um I think these these are not
Christian ladies that I know and um I've been single for four years so for them it's like girl
how are you how are you living this way you know they're like you need to feel alive you need to
feel that you know you're and that's what they would have done so they they didn't mean harm
you know like it's yes it's what they would you're recognizing that and again I don't I don't see
anything wrong with um building relationship with people that are not Christian I don't I mean I
have several people in my communities that I engage in that are not Christian um I'm not like
I know like some people like oh no no I for me it is why would I subject myself to just
socializing with Christians because I can't share Jesus with people that might not have heard
about Jesus if I'm not connecting with people okay now what I do have to be mindful of is
those communities aren't where I open the doors of like inviting influence in
you know those aren't the people that I go to when I'm needing wisdom or um guidance or counsel
because they're not Christian so I know that they're not approaching things from a biblical
standpoint it doesn't mean that I don't I that I value them less I just I know my boundaries
I know you know I can have connection and
unity with them. I can have a relationship with them, but I also know how to protect
my heart so that I'm not being influenced by something that could potentially cause
hurt and damage in me because I'm human. And so I think what you do now is don't, don't
not spend time with those people. If anything, like you just get to show up authentically
who you are. So, and keep sharing what it is that you're looking for. And I would even
say like, like you're in community here, if you're going somewhere public, there could
be other people there that you don't know. How are you at engaging with people that you
don't know? Like, are you comfortable going up to and just starting conversations with
anybody? Yeah. Start there. I did that. I mean, I used to be a very guarded person,
like really shy. As I got older, I learned how to just strike up conversation with strangers.
And I imagine you can do the same thing. No, pretty much. Yeah, no, no. I'm very outgoing.
And also like I moved to Tulsa like a year and so ago, so I've met hundreds of people
here. It's just not that way, you know? Yeah. So yeah, I don't, I want, I want you to sit
with, um, in this space of just embrace the growth that you, that you are experiencing
right now, because I think God is doing something really incredible and, and focus on that there.
And instead of looking at, Oh, I'm not like, I'm not getting introduced to certain people.
I'm not getting introduced to a Christian circle. Just be like, okay, God, with what's
going on in my life right now, what is it that you're showing me? What can I celebrate?
What is it doing inside your heart? Because you, there's growth there. You, like I said,
what I pointed out earlier, you recognize, what is it that, that frustrations causing
you to shut down? What does God want to reveal there? What's God growing in you as far as
your community and, and how you are socializing with people? How are, how is he wanting to
strengthen you in community and develop who he's called you to be? How does he want to
stretch you into growing your community and opening more doors and getting you out to
maybe experience more people? I want you to be cautious of the thoughts that are surfacing.
Okay. They're not wrong of this. All the men in Oklahoma, all they want. Do you see how you said
all? Yes, I did. We want to be careful of that lady. And here's the thing. We do that. There's
nothing wrong with that, but I want us to start practicing the awareness of when we do don't beat
yourself up when you do it. Just say, Oh Lord, thank you for highlighting that to me. Now I
get the opportunity to take that invitation and grow from it. Does that help? Yes. Okay. Yes. Thank
you so much. You're welcome. Thank you for sharing. Okay. I have Laura, but then who did I
miss? Somebody jumped off. Um, hopefully they put in, I think friend said something about,
she had to leave her. Okay. Hopefully she put it in. She said, I have to go enjoy the rest of the
session. Okay. Perfect. And I know I've got, she's got her profile thing that I've got to go, um,
respond to. And she's, she's posted several times in the app. So, um, I know she'll probably put
that in there, which is good. And then if she doesn't do that, then I know she might jump on the
eight o'clock tonight too. So, okay. Good, good, good. All right. Laura, how are you?
I'm doing good. Um, yeah, I just wanted to give an update. Um, yes, I went on like a three hour,
whatever it was, date with Wade on Saturday. And, um, yeah, he had, um, told me earlier last
week that he had romantic feelings for me. And so like, I still wasn't sure if like that was
reciprocated.
did like on my end or whatever. So I wanted to go on like this,
like another date just to like, kind of like feel things out and
just like, but yeah. So at the end of that date, because on the
previous like two dates, like he asked me for a hug, like at the
end of each date, and after this one, like, he did not. And I, I
didn't either, whatever. And so I left, but I noticed I was like,
I didn't even miss it and whatever. And so like, I just
realized that that yeah, like, I'm not on the same page as him
and I don't want to like continue leading him on. And I
was super stressed about it. Because we had like, because he
is part of my Rotary Club. And we have like this party
celebration for like our outgoing president last night.
And so like, I was like, well, I need to like, definitely tell
him like Sunday at the latest or whatever. Yeah. And so I spoke
with like my preacher at church after worship on Sunday, just to
like, kind of get his feedback, because I'd watched all these
like, YouTube videos, like Sunday morning about like,
having that conversation. And they all pretty much said pretty
much what he said was just to like, to be honest with them.
And yeah, and so like, my heart was pounding. So I like texted
him like after I got home from church, and just asked if I
could like call him sometime like that afternoon, and he responded
like shortly and said, Yeah, that that would be great or
whatever. And but I was still like super nervous, because he
doesn't know like what the start.
Yeah.
And that's totally normal.
Oh, you're freezing. I can't.
Is anybody else not able to hear Laura?
Hey, Laura, do me a favor.
Yes, for me to okay, Laura, do me a favor. Sometimes you're
cutting in and out. Remove, go ahead and go off camera. Because
sometimes the camera will actually stall. And then we'll
see if we can hear you.
I can.
Very little though.
If I get closer, is that any better?
Oh my gosh, way better now.
Okay. So anyhow, so like, okay, so yeah, so I started the
conversation. I just told them that like, yeah, I had a great
time on our date. And I just really appreciate getting to
know him or whatever. But and then I just kind of referenced
back to like him telling me how he like had romantic
relationships. And I was like, Oh, that's so sweet. And I was
telling me how he like had romantic feelings for me. And I
just told him that. That yeah, like, like I had been thinking
about that, like over the past, like, previous days, and I
wanted to go on like our date just to like, just to kind of
like, tell one way or another, like what. And then I told him
that I did not have romantic feelings for him. And he was
very understanding. He was very like compassionate. And so like
it made me feel like, even though like he did say that,
like, it's done, like initially or whatever. Because like, he
wasn't wanting to hear something like that or whatever. But he
was very appreciative that I was honest with them. And yeah, I
told him that that was very important to me. I didn't want
to like just string him along. And yeah, and so and then I also
said to I was like, Well, I don't know if this is something
that you're open to. But like, I would appreciate if we could at
least have like, kind of like common courtesy or like, even
like, remain like friends being that like, we are a part of the
same Rotary Club. And we are still gonna like see each other
at like events and like functions and meetings and
whatever. And he said, yeah, that that was he was like
totally on the same page. And he even said that, like, from like
previous relationships that he's had, like, he's never had, like
any animosity towards like anybody. And it was super sweet.
Like it, it kind of like made me feel bad, though. Because he's
like, that I will always have like a special, like place in
his heart or whatever. And I was like, I don't know, I just
thought it was. But I was glad that the conversation went well.
And I was able to, to let him know. And then on another note,
I am also a part of the Modern Dating Sex Book Club, the
session that started or the group that started last week or
whatever. And when Jackie was having us post like what city
and state we're in, there was a guy who's actually in my same
city or whatever. And initially, I thought because I'm in the
Northern California Brentwood, and he posted Brentwood and a
lot of people like live in the Southern California Brentwood.
So I commented. And I was like, Oh, are you in Southern
California? And he's like, No. And he commented that he like
it's just like, on the street, like around the corner from my
house or whatever. So he and I were actually going on a walk
this afternoon. Because like, after that, I was like, well,
should I reach out to him and like,
like friend request him on Facebook. And I was like, what
the heck, like, the worst he can say is like, no, or whatever.
And, and he did accept. And, and then it was so funny, because
so I did that last Monday night. And then Tuesday afternoon, I
met with a girlfriend. And once this guy, his name is john, he
accepted my friend request, I noticed that my girlfriend that
I got together with last Tuesday, she's also friends with
him on Facebook or whatever. And so I was talking to her about
it. I mean, she's like, Oh, yeah, I've met him in person.
Like, he like goes to like dancing events in town. And he
has friends in a band or whatever it is. I don't know.
So I'm looking forward to meeting him in person.
I love that. This is oh, that's exciting. I love it. I love it.
I love it. Awesome. So um, I you given a lot. I love this update
because I think there is definitely a lot of stuff that
is going to help not just you but the women on this call that
we can definitely pull from I think it's it's I think is
exciting. One I I love that you stretched yourself. And you did
something uncomfortable. And you saw it through. And it gave you
and the outcome wasn't wasn't terrible. Right? Like, well,
yeah, cuz on the other hand, like I really questioned
because like, Wade, he is like a Christian. And he like he has a
lot of like, same interests. And like, he's a dog person and a
pet person or whatever. And like, we're like, I don't know, it
just seemed like we had a lot of things like aligned or whatever.
And so like, that's why like, I questioned things for like a
really long time. I'm like, yeah. But I was like, on the
other hand, I was like, I couldn't like stay with someone.
Like, if I didn't have like, my feelings were reciprocated for
this person, whatever. I was like, it wouldn't be fair to
him. And then like, you Yeah, eventually, I don't want to cut
you off. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Um, I love that you were allowed
like you allowed yourself time to gather information because I
think in the last several weeks, like you had been teeter
tottering. And you you stuck with some of the discomfort,
which is what we ask you ladies, we encourage you ladies to do
that, let's slow it down. And let's really sit and process
like what's happening, so that you are gathering information so
that you can make a decision. And you can see what God is
wanting to reveal. And so I love there's so many different things
that we can talk about. And so I mean, I've got 10 minutes here.
So we're gonna and I don't know if anybody else has any more
questions. I am going to look through the chat here to see if
Fran left her question.
And then just a funny tidbit is that I actually gave Wade a copy
of the modern dating sucks book or whatever. And because I like
had ordered like three copies, like for like some friends or
whatever. And I'm like, well, what the heck, I'll give him
one. And because I had already told him that I'm part of like
this program. And I told him like, that Jackie's like an
amazing author and whatever. And so we did have a brief
conversation because he started reading some of it or whatever.
And so we had
I love that. And I'm so glad you mentioned that, because that I
wrote that down to that I was going to mention to all you
ladies, and I'm so thankful that you took that opportunity,
ladies, it is so important that when you ladies date a guy that
might not be your guy, but that's a great guy. You know,
do some to this community. Let's not hold them back. I know so
many ladies come here. They're like, how do we meet men in the
community? All right, I
will get a lot of like, I saw Wade last night at our like
celebration. And I like had hope to like have a conversation
with him. And just like, just to like, let him know how much I
appreciated him. Like being such a sweet and caring man that like,
was the first person that like, I actually like dated since my
divorce, because he actually said that, technically, I was as
well, because he got divorced about eight years ago as well.
But, and how it like, just gave me hope that there are still
nice, kind men out there. So I love that. And so and that was
that's even a little bit of my story, too, is, you know, I got
to date a lot of guys that were just really great guys. And, you
know, at first, it would be discouraging when I was like,
this is not my guy. But I learned to look at it through a
different lens of, I don't have to be discouraged. If anything,
this is this can be used to give me hope that
that there are really good men out there.
So I love that you had that opportunity.
I love that you were,
that you've shared this community with him.
Cause ladies, again, like I said,
so many of the women will come into our community
and they want to meet men.
And you know, I was like that too.
When Jackie said she was, you know,
I joined when it was just women
and then she invited men and it became a men thing.
And I mean, we all got excited.
Yes, there's going to be men here, you know?
And yeah, in a perfect world,
we would be like,
it would be so nice to find a man in this community
that kind of already has some of the foundation,
the background knowledge.
And we have had success stories
of people meeting from this community.
I would love to tell you that always happens,
but I'm going to be realistic and say, ladies,
that doesn't always happen because, you know,
there are a lot of men out there
that aren't coming to this community.
And you want to know why?
Because we're not inviting them in here.
So if you ladies are hoping
that you're going to find your husband in this community,
I'm going to help encourage you ladies
to help make that happen
by inviting the good men that are not your husbands
into this community.
Let's start bringing more men in this community.
Because the reality is we have a lot more women here
than we do men, okay?
And so it's going to take us women
stepping out of our comfort zone
and inviting the really great men and saying,
hey, we didn't work out, but you're a really great guy.
And there was so many things
that I really appreciate about you.
And if you are interested in looking for someone
who wants a relationship
and is a woman who loves God,
let me introduce this community to you.
You might meet your person in there.
You might learn something.
It can just be another resource for you
if you're open to dating.
Like introduce them, okay?
And before we move on and I go look in the chat here,
Laura, there's a couple of things
that I don't want you to miss from this opportunity, okay?
I think you've gained a lot of wisdom.
I think you've gained a lot of growth.
I think there's a lot of things that you can celebrate.
And so I want to capitalize on that.
I love that Wade brought up
that he has romantic feelings for you.
He didn't feel that those were reciprocated.
And so I'm curious if you have been able to spend some time
to see what was surfacing in you
as far as what was happening deeper in you.
Because you said this is the first time
that you've really dated since your divorce.
So is there anything that God could be inviting you into
that he wants to reveal to you through this experience
and through this opportunity
that he wants to reveal to you?
You know, you expressed that there was some stress.
There was definitely some anxiety.
There was, I want you to dig a little, not dig, dig, dig,
but just spend time with the Holy Spirit
and ask him if there's anything there
that might need to be revealed.
You know, go into prayer with those conversations.
It was teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
I'm sorry, what was that?
I was actually like, it didn't come up for me or whatever,
whether that I had been like kind of protecting my heart
because that had been like,
then that like stopped me from dating for a very long time
was the fear of getting hurt again.
And so like, I was like, well, am I like,
am I going to push him away?
Because even though he showed like no black at all,
like the past two months or whatever.
Yeah.
So, so yeah, that's another thing.
I think what's really powerful
and what I want all you ladies to hear,
cause I think this is important
and just having been in this community
for as many years as I have,
having walked it through myself
and then just have having coached for several years
is one thing that I knew I struggled with.
That I had to get an unpack and process through and what I see other women having to do as well is
that I
don't want you ladies to get discouraged when you're in these dating situations and
Their struggle there's there's internal struggle. There are some hard things that are coming up. There are some things that are getting revealed
I don't want you to just get discouraged by that
I would love to tell you that
You're never gonna get discouraged
But I will be transparent with you. There will be times that you'll get discouraged and know that if you do it's okay
It is normal to feel discouraged. It's normal to get anxious. It's normal to get frustrated
It's not like these are normal things that are surf like that will surface
I don't want you ladies to push those feelings down
I want you to feel those feels because those feels will
Are surfacing so something can get revealed and it's not always
Gonna get resolved or we are not gonna see the the clarity and the the certainty in the bigger picture right away
over time though
God will use each one of these circumstances in each one of these situations to
Walk you through that transformation process
Show you the healing that you have done. And so I want Laura you to celebrate
Where you were before and now where you are at now
embrace that and
Say okay, there was some struggle here, but I got through it. So the next time
You're dating or something comes up or something uncertain comes up or these feelings come up
you have
more
Knowledge and you have more experience that you can say. Nope
I experienced this before and God had me I can get through this again, and it's just teaching you to recognize
The lies and the beliefs that have got gotten planted and rooted somewhere and we get to start softening that soil
So those roots get to come up and we get to gently remove them and replace those
Okay, so want you ladies to just remember don't get discouraged by this stuff
Okay, like I said, I would love to tell you
That the first person that you date and it's you know that you're not going to experience it but the reality is that you will and
It's normal
you have this community that's here to support you and
We got you
okay, and that's all part of the process and so
when we invite Holy Spirit to come and work in our hearts and to transform us and we
We sit with that prayer that teach me show me heal me grow me and we start asking different questions
Then God will start
Revealing more to us and then you'll be surprised like then the acceleration happens. Like that's why we call this phase love story accelerator
Because when we start practicing these principles
You will be surprised at the acceleration the breakthrough that happens
Okay phase one you ladies learn the principles
Okay, we take you through that process and then even in this phase those videos will teach you some of those those principles
But here in phase two on these live calls and in our coaching on the app
We're here to show you how to live out
These principles and what it looks like every day to apply those principles that we've learned in phase one and that
We're learning in the videos here in phase two
Okay. All right. I'm gonna quickly go through
To see if Fran
Posted her question. I think she might have oh she did. How do we know when it's passivity?
versus releasing control
I noticed that sometimes when I see what I see as releasing control to God
some people see as
Passivity
Okay
that one I might need a little bit more detail as
To wanting to know what she's experiencing. So Fran I'm gonna probably
Come to you in one of your post
and ask you to give me a little bit more insight as to give me an example of
What you would release control over and and how
people would see that as passive.
And what you're experiencing there.
I wanna break that down for you
and unpack that with you more.
And I apologize that we didn't get to you
before you had to jump off,
but we will definitely make that space for you
in the app to get to that question.
Okay, so Kristen, you're saying
you could ask that same question.
Can you give me an example of that?
Is Kristen still on here?
Are you able to unmute?
I got like two or three minutes.
If not, then look for that.
Oh, I see you're unmuted, okay.
I can't hear you.
Can you hear me now?
Yes, I can hear you.
My son robbed me last year
and I have never gotten any of the stuff back.
His friend took it all and did that.
And I've kind of let God handle it,
but we found out it's a different pawn shop
that he took it to.
The details he'd given the police were not right.
And it's been an entire year.
And I'm not sure if just trusting God
to handle everything is the right thing
or if I'm supposed to be,
or if that's just being passive
instead of nagging the police officer to go look into it.
Okay, yeah, so I can see how that is.
So that one, again, gosh, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
That's just heartbreaking.
And I think you shared with us before in the app.
I don't-
Yeah, there's so many other details.
It's so, so-
Yeah, and I think, and this was like a couple months ago,
you joined phase two and you introduced yourself to us.
Because I see that beautiful little baby.
Yep, my granddaughter.
Yes, she's so adorable.
I think, you know, that to me is, it's about boundaries.
That like, when I'm looking at that,
the releasing control and that being passive,
to me, this is not about releasing control
and being passive as more as what's coming up for me
is this has to do more about boundaries
because that relationship of, you know,
a mother and a son, boundaries were 100% crossed.
But it's more of, do I keep nagging the police officer
or do I let it go?
I think, you know-
Trust God to restore everything that was stolen
or do I keep nagging the police officer
to go back for all the times that,
and the duty-
I think, okay, do the police have
all the information that you have?
I don't know because I've left it,
but they haven't ever answered me.
Okay, I think it would be okay to,
I mean, you're not nagging them.
Nagging to me would be like,
you're constantly reaching out to them,
like day after day after day.
I have left a lot of messages, but-
Okay, so you're calling them and leaving messages
and they're not responding to you.
They have, I mean, I've only left,
I've called once and I've emailed once
since I got this information,
but I've called them probably 20, 30 times
in the year that it's gone.
Okay, and what do they say to you?
Like, how do they say that they're handling it?
I mean, do they say-
Well, that the state attorneys don't wanna do anything.
Yeah, I think that's kind of,
that will be your answer.
That's-
But do I go back for the pawn shop stuff
that's happened over a year ago now and stuff?
So I don't, that's where you're just going.
I mean, I think this is where we practice,
this is where you get to spend time with,
is this wanting, are you wanting an answer
of what do I do and you want it for the certainty?
Well, I wanna know if that stuff is there,
but at the same time, I don't really wanna deal with it
because I don't, I just wanna trust God.
I don't wanna deal with it,
but do I have to go keep asking?
So I would encourage you to spend some more time
with the Lord with what is deep in your heart there
because I hear two things.
I hear, I want this, but I also don't want this.
And those two things are conflicting.
And so I would want you to spend time in prayer
and ask the Lord, getting to the root
of what is it that you're trying to resolve?
Like, where's the belief?
Like, what's the feeling and the emotions of what happened?
Because if you recover that stuff, then what does that mean?
Well, not even as much that as if we go after that dude, he's now well,
he's arrested now, but he's arrested for attempted murder.
And it's like, do I want that whole gang stuff back in or do you just let it all go?
So, yeah, it was all my precious metals.
So he took a lot. But I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I think one thing that I
I've used in my past is when I have this, do I do this or do I do that?
What's worked for me?
Is I don't make a decision.
I just stay like I like be still.
I hold that scripture, be still and know that I'm God.
And, you know, just continue to go and seek him in prayer.
Continue to ask him,
you know, reveal the deeper roots,
the deeper wounds that that caused.
Because that's I think that is where my concern would be.
Kristen is. You're as a mother.
It when you have your child.
Making choices that
is not how you intended to raise them.
And you love them, but it hurts to see them make those choices.
And, you know, those are wrong choices.
And you know that.
You know, concept like actions have consequences.
And there's there's betrayal there.
Like. I would, you know, spend some time with the Lord of like what?
What what lies and beliefs were formed when that happened?
Like what hurt was created there?
And how does God want to come and restore that in you?
And that doesn't necessarily mean that
things get sorted out with your son right away.
You know, you might have to separate yourself.
It sounds like you probably have.
I saw a restraining order on him.
We can see each other because I have his kid, but he can't come to my house.
Yeah. And so it's about having those healthy boundaries.
Like, you can still love your child, but not accept the unhealthy, toxic behavior.
And you can still pray for God to intervene in that.
You can still pray for God to intervene in their hearts,
but it's being able to recognize that, you know,
when that's happened and when it hasn't so that you stay,
that God continues to protect you and to protect your grand your grandchild.
And so that would be my.
My wisdom is, you know, as far as, you know,
releasing something to God and it being passive, I think this is
this is much more about the boundaries and the heart healing.
I get that part, it's more the police part.
Like, do I keep following up?
I get all that part because we've been dealing.
But again, I still think you need to uncover it.
Like, yeah, what's the purpose of pressing the police?
There's something deeper there.
That's just the surface.
Well, he they he they wrote in the police report a coin shop in St.
Augustine, but he said it's a coin on St.
Augustine Road, completely different.
OK, so. Yeah, but again, I just.
Hear what I'm saying, I just again,
I'm not talking about the surface stuff, I'm talking about the deep stuff,
like I want you to sit in prayer with that one. Yeah. Like.
Like that's some trauma, like you've definitely experienced some trauma.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so.
I don't want you to feel like you have to make a decision right away.
And that's where I would say, you know, just.
Be still. Sit with the Lord and and what is it that the Lord is inviting you
to work through in your heart right now and not finding a solution right away?
All right. OK, thank you.
All right, ladies, I'm going to quickly pray for us and then release you ladies.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you
that you care more about who we are becoming
than how quickly we arrive, Lord.
Help us trust your process, teach us, show us, heal us, grow us.
Every woman leave today feeling seen, loved, confident,
that you are faithfully leading one step at a time.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Ladies, have a great Tuesday.
We'll see you next time.