All right, it is so good to see you all and Karen don't you look you're spotlighted you're
like how you look so pretty.
I know you are the youngest looking thing I'm not saying that you're super old but you
have a youthfulness to yourself.
Hey Laura.
Hey Kim.
Hey, is it Kiera?
Hey Amanda.
Hey Daisy.
Hey Shekinah.
Hey Kelly.
Hey Jessica.
Once I start calling one name I don't want to think I'm leaving them out.
Hey iPhone 8.
Hey Rebecca.
Oh, hey Roberta.
Hey Lauren.
Hey Rebecca number one Rebecca, Roberta.
Okay, is there everybody?
There's everybody.
Ladies, how have y'all been doing?
Happy dating.
Are we dating?
Are we discovering ourselves?
Yeah.
I see some, yeah, we're having some aha moments, yeah, good, good.
I was trying to, once again, my printer is not working so it bothers me when I don't
have the notes right in front of me because then I have to use my phone and I don't like
that.
So, but anyway, let us pray.
Father God, I thank you for these ladies.
They are absolutely amazing.
I thank you that they are the apple of your eye and you've written a love story that has
their name all over it, their very best interest.
And so because you are the God who takes care of all things, they have no need to operate
from scarcity.
They have no need to reach and grab Lord God for breadcrumbs because you have a whole meal
sitting waiting for them.
If you're going to be the marriage feast of the lamb and when we get to heaven, we're
going to sit down and you're going to serve us, then we absolutely believe that you have
a meal for us right here on the earth.
For in the book of Psalms, it says the Lord prepares a table before me in the presence
of my enemies.
And so I thank you that the enemy of the soul that speaks to them and tells them they'll
never be married, that nobody wants them, that that man will never come and they just
have to settle.
I declare that you're setting a table before their enemy even now and they shall feast
because goodness and mercy shall follow them all the days of their life.
Goodness and mercy is sitting at the table, every seat in that table that's taken up
by fear.
I tell it to leave now.
You have no invitation.
Every seat at that table that is being filled with trauma, I said, leave now.
You have no invitation.
You are not welcome at this feast.
And so God, I thank you Lord God, that goodness and mercy is accompanying them all the days
of their life.
In Jesus name, amen.
Amen.
That was such a good prayer.
I like the way we're getting started here, ladies.
This is good.
And so how many of you had an opportunity to see what Carla posted about the red flags,
the yellow flags?
Did you guys see that post?
If you didn't see it, good.
Some of us, go check it out because it outlines red flags, yellow flags, and green flags.
And sometimes those are a lot of our questions.
Like, is this a red flag?
Help me out.
Is this a yellow flag?
Right.
And sometimes we have a flag party.
We have a red flag party.
We have a yellow flag party.
We have a red flag party.
Sometimes we have a flag party and we don't even know it, huh?
So sometimes we call yellow, red, red, yellow, green, even red, depending on us and what
we got going on, right?
Or depending on what makes our nervous system come a little bit unwired, depending on how
close a person gets to us, we'll take just regular things and give it a whole narrative.
So it's good to have those in your back pocket.
They help keep you grounded and help you see things from a different perspective.
We talked some time ago about perspective being everything.
Perspective is definitely everything.
Perspective is, it really determines the joy that you get to enjoy as you do this journey.
And so we want you to be filled with joy, but we realize that when things aren't joyful,
they're still working for your good and working in your favor and ultimately it's working
something out of you.
Yeah.
And so I hope that you guys got a chance to look at that.
I want to actually try one more time to print because this is totally bothering me.
So I don't know, you know, this HP printer, it costs a little bit too much not to do what's
asked of it.
But it tends to do that from time to time, but it still didn't want to do what I asked.
So we're going to get started.
So tonight we're going to be talking about, and if you guys were on the earlier session,
you just get a double dose of this, but we're going to talk about one of the fears that
we see that are very recurring in the community.
And usually we think, and there's the fear that, oh, I might not get married or no, there's
nobody for me.
But one of the things or the common things that keeps coming up, am I doing this right?
Did I say the wrong thing?
Did I get that right?
Did I hear that right?
Is it me?
Am I overreacting?
Is this a rhythm?
red flag, is this a yellow flag?
What just happened here?
And so I don't want to mess this up.
How do I respond?
And so a lot of times when we are ruminating
on questions like this, it's curiosity.
But sometimes it can look like certainty.
But it really is curiosity.
You want to know, how am I doing?
Am I messing this up?
Am I doing this wrong?
Now for you, it may be fear-based.
OK, I don't want to mess it up because I
may lose everything.
But in it all, it's curiosity.
And curiosity is the invitation from the Lord.
Curiosity.
Yes.
C-U-R-I-O-S-I-T-Y. It's an invitation to trust the Lord.
And that's what we want to sharpen you in, is curiosity.
The same when you ask questions about, am I doing this right?
Am I getting this right?
When you're in a dating situation,
it doesn't even have to be a dating situation.
Have you ever talked to a person and a friend
and they said one thing, and you read an email
and you just kind of overdid it?
You went back the next day and you read it,
and it read totally different.
But when you read it the first time, you felt some type of way
or you got angry.
Anybody ever did that before?
You heard the first time and you went off the charts.
Then you go back the next day and be like,
I didn't even say that.
Where did I get that from?
And so a lot of times when we hear something,
there's not enough space for curiosity
because curiosity leads us to ask questions.
And so I had a recent experience with my mother,
and she called me and expressed some really big feelings
and displeasure toward me.
And a lot of that, she was highly charged.
She was basically screaming at me,
said she had to get it out of her chest.
She did.
She said some really harsh things,
some things that were not true.
But I can tell you it was the first time in my life
that I did not respond.
I never would yell back at her because that's a no-go.
It doesn't matter.
In my culture, that doesn't happen.
You don't have a right to talk back to an adult.
So that doesn't work.
But still, I would have something to say.
But I was able to hold space for her.
And I was able to ask myself, wow.
I said, if she's this passionate about it,
she really believes the things she's saying.
Oh, that's a whole different perspective for me
because now I have empathy and compassion for her
because she believes these things to be true.
And so I didn't see it as a judgment call, as a sentence,
as a judgment against me.
How dare you say this about this?
How dare you say those things about me?
And it really is birthed from a place of curiosity.
So when she got done, I started asking myself questions
like, wow.
That's how I came to, she really believes this.
If she didn't believe it, she wouldn't
be on this phone acting an all-out crazy woman
with her only daughter.
So she's convinced.
And because of that curiosity, because of me
holding space, which is nothing but the Lord
to help grow me in that way, I was
able to ask the Lord what he wants to teach me in this.
And that's the posture we want to impart to you.
And the reason why we're most passionate about it,
I know you hear it all the time, but it
is the posture that guards your heart the best.
A curious posture will help you not call the person
consistent after two weeks.
How?
Why?
Because it gets you saying, OK, I'm getting to know you.
And you won't reach for certainty
because certainty causes us to feel safe.
It can produce a sense of safety.
When you feel safe, guess what?
You let your guards down.
And you start taking what a person say at face value
because your guards are down.
And this is not walls and guards are two different things.
You follow me.
So two different things.
And so the more you stay curious,
the more you can learn about a person.
And then the more you can learn about yourself,
about the way you respond to them,
how they responded to you, what did they really mean.
And you don't take things personal
because you're still giving them what belongs to them.
See, when you find certainty, you almost
start enmeshing with that person.
You feel safe enough to dream, what would it
be like if I was with them?
Where would we live?
Where would we go?
What would we do?
You start that.
So that's like an enmeshing process, right?
And so then when something happens on week three,
you're completely heartbroken.
Why? You didn't just become heartbroken out of the blue.
It's not just you.
Something actually happened in between the first time you talked to them up to week three.
At somewhere, at some point,
something they did gave you a sense of certainty which produced safety or you
looked for certainty and you hung your head on something.
And when you did it, this process of you
and them becoming more of an ideal of one starts to sit in and then you start to
hope and believe.
And then you say, OK, because they did this, they did this.
OK, this is going good.
OK, I can do this.
I like them.
You know, that's kind of how the conversation go in my head.
Like, OK, I think I like them.
And then week three in the process of you still getting to know a person.
But because certainty has been established in you somewhere,
they do something you'd be like, this is totally not like him.
That's not true.
You don't even know him.
It is totally like him.
It is the part of him you haven't met yet.
It is just like him.
You don't have a record to say that this is not like him.
Are y'all tracking with me?
You haven't known him last year, two months, three months to say it's not like him.
He's not like it ain't like him.
The one you knew in the last 14 days.
But you're still getting to know him.
And so that's a real thing.
And that's why we hang our hat on curiosity, because curiosity helps you do
that curiosity and curiosity and pacing are more difficult skills to develop.
Or to stick with,
because a lot of times we will allow what we feel to hijack the process.
And we talked about this before,
but when you're getting to know somebody, it feels so good.
And there's a rift between you.
Sometimes you may feel this
this divide between guarding your heart.
And having fun.
And sometimes we believe, you know, you like the way to feel the feels,
you should feel the feels as a part of the journey.
But there's this balance of going in on that and not letting it drive,
not getting the driver's seat so you get to enjoy those feelings of boy meets girl,
girl meets boy. I think I like you.
And balancing yourself with curiosity.
That's the that's the balancing act,
pacing and curiosity while also enjoying the process.
And it feels so good.
Sometimes you just want to go all in.
And so sometimes we believe the best way
to take to deal with this, to put up walls and to make people audition.
And yet and still you have a problem because, you know,
Jackie teaches that she said a gentleman or a masculine man is just like Jesus.
He comes to the door and knock,
but a thief will climb your walls and steal the goods.
And so men come to the door and they knock.
If you allow them to come in, they will.
But a man who understands his worth
and value is not going to beg and plead and chase you for anything.
Just like a woman who understands her
value will not beg and plead and chase a man for anything.
But she will stand in the same spot she was from the very beginning.
Right.
And so curiosity is one of those things that allow us.
Now, we know that, Jackie, if you want the call on Saturday,
she talked about the prayer.
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
Who I was on that call.
Yeah, yeah.
Was it good?
Yeah, good, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
You know, out of all these years, it's probably like five years.
I still don't get I still don't get tired of listening to Jackie.
It's so crazy, even if I have it.
Oh, yeah.
Even if I happen to see her on social media,
like I literally listen to her teachings like I've never heard it before.
And then I tell one of my friends, you got to hear what Jackie said.
And it's not just like I'm this Jackie, it's not true.
Like, I think she's absolutely amazing.
She's a gift to the body and she's a gift to the world.
But I just don't get I don't get weary of listening to her.
Everything, the things that she carries so valuable and so timely.
She speaks words very much in season and time.
And so.
The questions of am I doing this right?
Is this a red flag? Am I tracking the wrong man?
Did I ruin this? What if I miss God's best?
What do I feel like I miss God's best?
If you ever hear the thought, did I miss God's best?
I want you to throw that throw it out so fast your head was spinning.
You cannot miss God's best for your life.
Do I believe that some women have met really good men and you did not choose them? I do.
Do I believe that men have met some really good women and they did not choose them?
They have. I believe that the Lord is bringing suitors before us.
And when we get skilled in training things, we can better choose.
But what happens is sometimes we want all the responsibility to be on God.
And we say God is going to pick and God is going to do and God is going to that.
But God is a God of empowerment. He made you in his likeness and his image.
You carry the breath of God in your body. The Elohim, the creator is in you. He empowers you.
He teaches you. He trains you. He grows you so that you can make decisions.
He trains you so that you can be in the business of the Father.
That's the truth. He's called you to be in there, right?
And so when he wants to teach us and grow us, he does it through our own self because
it's through our eyes. It's through our eyes that we see everybody that we see.
I can look at Amanda and say she's the most amazing woman I ever met.
And somebody else can look at her and say, I really don't like Amanda.
You know, she's so quiet. I don't even know what she's thinking.
And I just don't trust people like that. Yes, we are recording. Thank you so much.
I just don't like people that's quiet like that because I think anytime somebody is quiet,
they plotting on something. So everything that we see in the world,
even the way we view our Heavenly Father, even when we have scriptures are going to be different
from person to person based on who they are, where they are and where they come from and how life has
how they've operated in life or how they've learned love or the trauma that they've experienced.
One second. And so with that being said,
with that being said, in this dating process, we want you to start asking the Lord when these
kind of questions, is this a red flag? Am I doing this right? Am I getting this wrong?
Ask the Lord, what do you want him to show me?
What do you want to reveal to me? Now, I absolutely believe that when you are in dating,
for discovery, that you literally are discovering yourself. Why am I convinced of it? Because I did
the same thing. I'm in a program. I'm part of a program. I've seen it work in my life and I've
seen it work in other people's life. I've seen too much not to know. I am convinced at this point.
It's kind of like when you hear Jackie, no matter when she talks about marriage,
she's convinced that you're going to be married. And it sounds like it's going to happen tomorrow.
Anybody know what I'm saying? Like she is absolutely convinced that your love story is
real. Why? She's seen 1600 marriages and engagements. How can she not be convinced?
And so I'm absolutely convinced of this program coming from the Lord and her strategies because
they worked in my life and they changed me. And dating changed me tremendously.
And when I dated for discovery, I got a different result than when I dated for a husband.
Because there's not anything that, and this session is not about a convincing of that,
but there's not anything that some of you ladies haven't said that I also didn't say.
I've never heard, not one thing. And when I got on board, because Jackie was my coach
and did what she said, everything began to change. And I discovered good things about me and I
discovered some not good things about me. I discovered all of my roadblocks and all of my
barriers. I learned that I really wasn't as marriage minded as I thought I was because I
was unwilling to be. And I carry much, lots of entitlement from culture, from my upbringing.
So I was very self-righteous and it was in my own personal life. Self-righteous,
dealt with a lot of pride, all of those things. And it just comes along with some of our processing
and our upbringing. So when you find yourself asking, well, what should I do? Should I end it?
We want you to say, instead of what should you do? Maybe he's asking, right? Oh, I'm so glad,
Laura. Maybe he's asking, oh Lord, what are you wanting to show me? Because I believe that every
time you get in a dating situation and you start talking to somebody, even if it's still on the app,
the Lord is trying to show you something. Nothing is wasted. And that's why when we say,
I'm not going to waste my time. Oh, trust me, none of your time is wasted.
So don't settle for wasted time and don't write things out as, oh well, you know. So curiosity
doesn't remove wisdom. Let me just tap on that. And I know it can feel like there's so many rules.
It's really not but it seems like one thing begets the next thing but kind of cancels the next thing
And what's the thing we're supposed to do? Okay, don't get rid of wisdom
But I believe wasn't telling me that but you say it's a curious or one of the things that confused me the most when Jacob
Says a yes to listen. No, I'm like, what does that even mean?
It's a no right now, you know, I don't like them it's a no
Listen, it's a yes to listen. No, it's like I said, no, I want you to do at least three times three times
No right now, but when you actually work it you learn so many things
Unless somebody I write this honors you or you know, what I'm saying is putting you in a harmful way
Let it be a yes until it's a no
Let it be a yes enough to discover yourself
Don't despise small beginnings
Don't take your your list to the table ladies. I'm telling you and say well he don't have the education
I want he doesn't make the money. I want he doesn't this you're not evaluating a husband. Are you trying to go on a date?
That's your goal a date, it's your only go
A date
To discover you and you want a low-stakes date. I like low-stakes date. So low-stakes to me gets very creative
That means to me. I'm not gonna even pick the man that I'm so tempted by did I want to make my husband?
I'm gonna pick somebody that absolutely wouldn't I pick to be my husband as long as he's safe
He can hold an intelligent conversation
Even if he can hold a half way of a conversation pretty good. He's not some kind of crazy person. We can go have coffee
Because I am gonna discover myself. I
Am gonna see my femininity come out
You know
I'm gonna get cute and go and let a man look at me and say I can't believe I'm talking to this pretty woman and I'm
gonna sit there like this I
Have seen men and this is what they do with women
I've seen me and sit across the table for me or get up on a video call and start blushing
So much so so they can't even look at the camera and I just say to myself. Yeah, I still got it
It does something so when a man says hello beautiful hello
Oh
When they show you a picture and tap it on thing and put like you look good in this outfit say, thank you
I noticed your picture. You have some nice shoes home. I
Literally say stuff like that, but it just helps you build that muscle of conversation
If you happen to go to singles up and say you go to a singles gathering at a church or something
I was recently at one had 1300 singles there
1300 in Austin, I could not believe my eyes
Not 1300 with five men, oh no, no
There are me and galore. There were women galore all
Ages and so I'm just like wow
It was such an amazing time in Tiffany for my community. We actually went over together
And so it was really good. And so I know it was so good
So amazed and so there's this opportunity where you get to start talking later
I want ladies. I want to encourage you to start talking to me pick the one you don't want
And just talk learn how to work the muscle of talking and so there were there was a nobody
I was particularly interested in there
But the reason why I wouldn't start they told us to talk I wouldn't found a man
I just started talking because I kept a smile on my face
And if there was a man that did see me that did like me
He was gonna know that I was easy to talk to
He's gonna know that oh, she's a talker I could approach her and it builds up my muscle and so oftentimes
I have a friend that tells me she says even it like you are a really good flirt
I don't try to be a really good flirt, but I don't make I don't meet strangers
and
You don't have to hope to be like me. You can show up as you and open up your mouth and talk
Like hey, it's a great day today. Good morning. Good morning. Start with something like that
just start talking to people because when you are friendly you literally look friendly and
When you are standoffish you appear standoffish. Have y'all seen people who look unfriendly before?
Did you approach them? No, you did not
Have you ever been in a room and you could ask a question to anybody?
but you look for the one that looks the most warm or the most inviting and
Then you go to that person to X
there's a reason why you pick that person to X because you're not gonna pick the person who looks they got an attitude or
Looks like they're not present
Right you look for that. And so that's the same thing that happens with me and I want to stay on on target. So
Curiosity doesn't mean curiosity actually strengthens you when you can get the hang of it
This is a skill that took me a while.
I oftentimes will lean more towards my nervous system
will desire certainty.
That's part of the reason why I am a very straight shooter.
I'm just going to ask the question.
I'm just going to be vulnerable.
I would rather tell you what's on my heart
so we can get to the point than me hide something.
Like this is what it is.
I practiced vulnerability long enough
to know that vulnerability wins people over because they
know that you don't have anything to hide
and you're not playing games.
What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
That's something you just cannot get rid of.
It's a heart connection.
People know it when it comes out of you.
And you don't even feel like they could.
Vulnerability is different.
Nobody can take vulnerability and use it against you.
You vulnerably shared it.
That tells you that you're already secure.
So when you release information out of vulnerability,
you're not afraid that somebody's
going to use it against you.
You freely gave it.
That information does not judge you.
That information does not have power over you.
The fact that you released it means you have power over it
and you can share it in any way you so desire.
And so even I messaged someone.
I was like, hey, I'm really interested in getting
to know you.
I said, so someone asked me this question.
Now I'm going to ask it to you.
Make no mistake about it.
I want to get to know you and I'll tell you upfront
that I want to get to know you.
So therefore, when you don't reciprocate to me,
I will say goodbye because I've already told you
that I want to get to know you.
I'm not going to hide the fact that I want to get to know you
in hope that you give me the desires
and you show up the way that I want you to show up.
No, I'm going to tell you the way that I'm going to show up.
And so up front, I say, I'm really interested in getting
to know you.
I know we've been doing a little chit-a-chat,
but I want to get to know you.
Tell me something about yourself that's not on your profile.
Tell me something that I wouldn't know by reading
your profile.
And then they engage.
And if they don't engage, when I show up and they don't engage,
I realize that they're not interested.
Are you following me?
I hope that this is tangible.
I was talking to this one guy on the daily app,
and he kept dropping on and dropping out,
dropping on and dropping out.
I don't stay on an app long enough
to delete people out of my inbox.
I don't keep social media on my phone for the easy access
because I don't like doing scrolling.
But he reached out, and I was like, hey,
you've mentioned me one time.
You fell through, buddy.
What's this business?
He was like, well, maybe this time I can get it right.
Maybe can.
We'll see.
Fell off again.
Then he missed me.
He said, is it too late?
I don't even respond to that.
Buddy, I gave you a second chance,
and you know I'm not you.
You done fell off again.
I don't know what you got going on,
but I don't take it to heart.
I just realized that he done, for some reason,
something is distracting him from following through.
And that's just curiosity, and that's me being vulnerable.
Like, hey, I met you before.
You know you didn't do so well.
We can try again.
And so curiosity and vulnerability,
they work really well together.
So when we're curious, it doesn't
mean we ignore red flags.
You have a list of what red flags will be.
It doesn't mean that we tolerate behavior, certain behaviors
that don't go well with them.
You're not going to tolerate inconsistency.
In one way, it's not a full inconsistency
because you're learning their consistency,
but you're not also going to tolerate breadcrumbs.
That's what I'm saying to you.
And you know when somebody's breadcrumbing you.
You can feel it.
Your nervous system becomes alert.
You know when they're not giving, right?
Anybody experience that before?
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
And then it doesn't mean staying somewhere
God is asking you to leave.
Now, that God is asking you to leave, you're like,
well, I can't hear God.
I don't really know what he's saying.
You lean on the arm of wisdom.
You lean on the arms of the boundaries
that you've submitted yourself to.
And that's why we give you these boundaries, what
you will see as guardrails.
Because they're the things that keep your heart safe.
They keep you safe.
This is how we're going to do this thing.
You have a system in place.
You already had breadcrumbs mean they talk to you a little.
They pull back.
They sit a little here.
They sit enough just to keep you tagging along, Laura.
And so you have a system in place.
Because you're in this program, we've given you a system
to work from.
Work your system.
Stay curious.
Pace yourself.
All of these things.
Are you welcome?
OK?
We know this certainly feels safer.
So anyway, let's give some examples.
And then we're going to do a little breakout.
So should I end this relationship?
Try, Laura.
Teach me what you're revealing.
Now I'm saying like if somebody do something that you got to end it, you end it.
Don't hear that.
Don't, not right.
We just talked about, we're not going to use curiosity to ignore things.
If something needs to end, it needs to end.
But sometimes you're up in the air, like kind of it's a yes till it's a no.
So do I need to end this or should I move forward?
And he said, Lord, what are you revealing to me?
What do you want to teach me?
And we'll post this.
Instead of did I ruin this, pray, show me what's happening inside of me.
It's a really big one.
When you hear, did I mess this good thing up?
Let me tell you, I'm going to tell you why I run from that question.
Did I mess this good thing up?
Because you can see no farther than the day that is right in your face.
You literally don't know what five years down the road looks like with this person, 10 years
down the road.
When you say I do, you don't know what's going to be activated, what's on the inside of them
and how they're going to show up.
So when you believe that I messed this good thing up, it's a bit of an exaggeration.
You don't even know it's a good thing.
You know that it may have some component, you know, there may be some makings of a good
thing.
And by that same token, I want you guys to start considering that when a person choose
you, it's good for them to see you in your unkept state.
It's good for them to see you spiral so they can look at you and say, I still choose you
because I'm not going to discount everything that I knew about you before now.
Oh, because I remember you are human and yep, I'm willing to cultivate that part of you.
Not if you're toxic.
So we're not talking to toxic people, but we're talking about, right?
And so there is nothing wrong with it.
So those why sometimes I'm like, oh, did I mess this up?
It's like, that's not even possible.
For me, it's not possible.
Do I believe women pass up good men because they don't fit their checkbox?
Yes.
That's a different story than I'm getting to know a person, something happened and we
can't move on from this or I messed up a really good thing.
Well, that thing wasn't the thing for you and you need some growth in the area.
If you did something that was detrimental and that person's like, I have to walk away
from you.
It's nothing wrong with it.
They're doing right.
But also that means there's something that the Lord wants to heal in you.
He wants to deal with something in you.
And then the next thing, what does this mean about him?
Instead of what does it mean about him, ask, what are you growing in me, Lord?
Because that's one of our really big questions.
Okay.
So what does this mean about this man?
It means what you see.
He is not showing up the way you would like.
So that means, Lord, what's inside of me that struggles to accept this or how do you want
to grow me?
Is this the point where I draw a line in the sand and say, hey, buddy, I've kind of shared
with you that the way this, your rhythm doesn't work for me, or hey, let's talk about your
rhythm of communication.
So the Lord wants to grow the voice on the inside of you that comes to the table and
say, this works for me.
This does not work for me without having fear of being rejected.
If you get rejected, oh, well, because you were going to walk away anyway, if he did
not change his rhythm of communication, because you can't get to know a person if they don't
show up to the table and you're not in the business of dragging people to your table
that has a feast that has been spreaded.
You're not in the business of dragging somebody to enjoy your joy, enjoy your peace, to come
along and build with you.
That's not the business that you're in, and as a matter of fact, when a person does not
have the eyes to see the value and the worth that you are, it is your exit sign, and there
is no hard feelings about that, because when a man sees a wife, he identifies her as such.
So it makes it very easy for you, okay?
And so then when something's happening, you get to show up and work those things that
are on the inside of you that you're going to need anyway, that you should be using every
day in life.
Because if you're in a dating situation and you can't speak up to that person, you definitely
will find other areas of your life where you struggle with speaking up for yourself, because
it's the same skill throughout, okay?
And then instead of asking, how do I know he's my husband?
Is he the one?
I don't know.
Is he the one?
You want to pause and say, what are you teaching me today?
Because whether he's your husband or not, part of it is going to be you making a decision.
You want to know why I know it's you making a decision?
Because if he does something that's too grievous for you to go on, you're going to make a decision
to release him.
Does that make sense?
The ideal of, is he the one or not?
A lot of times, we want to know if he's the one or not
so you can bypass the process.
Oh, yep, he the one.
Let's get married.
If you know the Father, the God of the Bible,
he is a God of process.
And if you not walk with him in a process,
welcome to the process world.
And if you don't want to be processed,
then I want you to take a look at every marriage.
You always said you didn't want, and get ready
to make that your future.
It's true.
You want to process just because when a person is kind,
they're also not kind.
This is you.
When we can be kind, and we can also be not so kind.
We can be wonderful and funny, and we can also
be not so wonderful and not so funny.
When we get hungry, we can get hangry.
When we get sleepy, we can be short, harsh.
And so we don't want to bypass the process.
So I want to do this.
So I want us to pray.
We're going to pray together.
This is the activation.
And then I think I'm going to put you in breakout rooms.
I want you to pray.
And then we're going to say, Lord, teach me, show me, heal
me, grow me.
Then I want you to share one thing God revealed to you
this week.
One thing God revealed to you this week,
and whoever you're in a group with,
I want you to share it with them.
One thing we're learning how to see,
what has God revealed to me this week?
One thing the Lord has revealed, He's always revealing.
He's always teaching.
He's always showing.
He's always healing.
He's always growing.
We just don't always join in on the fun.
And sometimes they're not that fun, to be honest with you.
OK?
So Lord, we're praying this prayer.
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
I'm going to share one thing God revealed to you this week.
You can think about that now before I put you
in a breakout room, so you won't feel a rush
to come up with something and not listen to them
while you're trying to think of what you're going to say next.
One thing you feel like the Lord has shown you this week,
He's taught you this week.
One of the greatest postures you can
be in as a dating person in phase two is that of a student.
Students learn more than the teacher.
And students teach the teacher.
See, the teacher already has a set curriculum
that they're going to teach from.
But when you're a student, you can get creative.
You can learn.
You can grow.
You can be stretched.
You can throw out old stinking thinking,
pick up new thinking.
There's so much stuff that happens when you're a teacher
but when you're a student.
But oftentimes, when we are the teacher,
this thing that we're teaching, we've mastered.
So if you show up to a classroom as a master
and you're supposed to be a teacher,
you're supposed to be a student, you really
don't learn very much.
You don't release old rules and old laws to adopt new ones.
And you keep running out the same internal system,
the same thing that keeps producing
the thing that gives you what you don't have
and that's not the desired thing.
And so when we show up as students,
when we're teachable with the Lord,
he gets to pull out old programming,
put in new programming.
If you know that you're a student,
you are willing to listen.
You won't tussle with him about what you know
and what you think.
Do you know that we are like rocks
compared to the knowledge and wisdom
and intelligence of God?
So when you hear yourself, I know you're thinking right now,
when you hear yourself putting up an argument with the Lord
about what you did and what you think
and how you this and you that,
I want you to stop in the middle of saying it
and say, Lord, I repent for pride
to believe that I got more sense than you do.
This is the truth.
Don't hide it.
Don't hide the argument.
Let it come out because when you let it come out,
you will hear the thing that's ruminating in your heart
that is a barrier to your growth.
The thing that is blocking you from going
because if you can get that out, you can take in more.
We're human.
We're not, we have two parts of us.
God puts it super to our natural.
But the Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Y'all, that's a real thing.
Your heart literally becomes sick
waiting on the promises of God.
And when you lack perception, perspective I mean,
when you lack understanding times and seasons,
when you also struggle with,
your theology about what you believe about how God works,
all those things make for a sick heart.
And when you just struggle with his timing
being different from yours and not having a strategy,
when you don't have a strategy or a plan
to see how something's gonna happen,
listen, that is challenging.
But we don't have to be that way.
And we don't have to be in that space
because the Lord always gives us,
he's always working on something.
He's always developing something.
And I'm telling you, when he develops in you,
you never regret it.
The Lord told me one time,
when we get done with this, I'll be your reward.
He's the greatest reward I ever had.
This is the truth.
He took me through a thing and he promised me one thing
and that thing fell through.
And I was so mad, I threw my phone across the room.
I almost bust the window in my apartment.
Was so angry with God
because he asked me to believe him
for something that he did not deliver.
But he had told me early on, he says, I'll be your reward.
I didn't know what he was talking about.
And he said, the greatest thing that you'll lose
in this process is not knowing me as your reward.
He wanted to give me himself,
but he knew that I didn't know that way.
So he packaged it differently.
You see, a lot of us, the way we're getting to know the Lord
is through this journey or package of getting to a husband.
Because you may have been the person that just showed up
because of this and that's okay.
And this is how he got you to show up.
Some people show up to God because of their children.
Some people show up to God because they need a job.
Some people show up to God
because sickness is in their body.
There's oftentimes a buy-in
that gets us to show up to the Lord.
So when we show up, he takes that opportunity
because he know that thing that your heart desires
is not going nowhere.
You ain't gonna give up on it.
So he uses that time to cultivate you,
to draw you into more intimacy with him.
And so when we are students,
it removes that resistance
so that you can get to know him in a more full way.
Because marriage is a light thing to the Lord.
And so he uses this opportunity in this space
to develop you and to stretch the boundary lines
of your life.
To let you see that there's a greater technology
working on the inside of you.
You are the one that when he picked the dust up
and he put his very essence on the inside of you,
his breath in you, his intelligence in you,
everything about God lives on the inside of you.
You know, there's a scripture that says that,
it don't say what a shame,
but basically it said that the slaves
were riding on the horses
and the kings were walking on foot.
What kind of inversion is that?
And a lot of times we're going through life as footmen
when we should be riding on the horse
and the Lord is working to get us from being footmen
to put us on the horse
that we're supposed to be riding in on,
but yet the slave is on the horse.
What does that look like?
It looks like the person
who's not believing God for a husband,
they living their life any kind of way they want.
They don't serve the king of kings and Lord of Lords.
They don't call our father Abba,
but we're the ones not living the life
and they're living the life.
And you say, what kind of stuff is this?
You know it's not right
because if I serve the man that owns the cattle
on a thousand hills,
surely I should not be struggling this way.
Surely I should have more.
But sometimes we think we get the more
just because we get the more,
but there are principles that govern every kingdom
you'll ever be a part of.
And it's only two kingdoms in the world,
the kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness.
But if you're tracking with me,
God wants to set order back in your life.
And he knows that any fulfillment
that you're ever gonna have is gonna come through you.
You will not have fulfillment that comes through marriage.
And so when we talked about everything
that you have on your checklist
that you're waiting for marriage to do,
I'm telling you, it will not do it for you.
The joy that you're gonna have depends on you.
The peace that you're gonna carry depends on you.
The fullness of life that you're gonna have depends on you.
I was talking to one of my friends today
and I said to her, we're gonna go to our breakout rooms.
But I said to her, I think I'm understanding some things.
There are things in our life,
and Jackie talks about this all the time,
that you have this business idea
or all these thoughts about what you can do,
what you can develop.
And something in you says, I'm gonna wait.
I'm gonna wait to get a home when I get a husband.
I'm gonna wait to do this when I get a husband.
And I'm gonna wait to do this when I get a husband.
And that's that thing about understanding times and seasons,
because what you don't know
is when the marriage seasons come,
the things that you were supposed to produce
and develop in your single season
won't go into that season with you.
So you're gonna come with your ideas of your coffee shop
with this husband who don't have no desire for a coffee shop.
And I don't care if the dream did come from God,
you come under a new order.
And he don't care about no coffee shop,
even if the Lord told you about it.
You should have built your coffee shop when you were single,
when the Lord told you about your coffee shop.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
and the Lord is giving you more time to do those things in your singleness that are to be done in
that season because when you get married and you enter this season they're going to be different
requires and different dreams and different things they're going to have to be birthed
and then you're going to be reaching into your husband and pulling out the gold on the inside of
him and he's going to give you a vision and you're going to give him a blueprint to make it work
you're going to partner with somebody else and in that partnering both of you guys will have to
maybe sometimes lay aside some things not to say they won't get picked up but your coffee shop is
your baby you've been dreaming of it I'm just using coffee shop and so then in our singleness
we have an opportunity to let the Lord develop what he wants to develop growing this and that's
what Jackie says stop putting stuff off do it now whatever you're going to do do it now what
I want to do with my husband what law is that what is that about what did you talk about what
what scripture did they come from
because there's a different assignment that's on your life than the assignment that's with your
husband right and so not to say some of these things won't be done not to say that you can't
be supported in it but what if not are you going to get upset with him because he had a different
plan in mind because he don't want to do what you want to do and so I just think that I just
want to share that with y'all because I think that you're in a position and so what happens
is sometimes we believe if I focus on this I'm not focused on that it's not true if I go and
build this with the Lord we're not building this it's not true the Lord is still writing your love
story you still can go out on a date and build your coffee shop and build your website and build
the things that God has put in you to build in this earth it's in you Elohim lives on the inside
of you that is God our creator lives in you the builder lives in you the one who looked at the
bible says that the earth was void and with that form and darkness covering in God spoke
that's who lives in you and he wants to create through you he wants to build through you he
wants to put systems in place through you marriage is not your ultimate goal
and when you get married you're gonna see why we said what we said when you get there
but Jackie says this all the time it's not the prize of life it's actually another sharpening
tool trust me you're gonna have different prayer points when you get married I don't care how much
y'all speak in tongues how much I love Jesus he uses it as a maturity plan he uses this to drive
selfishness far from us he uses it to cause us to become humble he uses it to help us accept people
as they are and to walk with them and to grow with them and to hold space for somebody other
than ourselves and that's not easy but it is doable okay I hope we didn't forget the question
I'm gonna quickly put y'all in some breakout rooms and I'll repeat it because I know I forgot it
what has the Lord revealed to you this week teach me show me heal me grow me share one thing God
revealed to you this week and um I haven't done this in a while huh tools
yeah and I like this I want you to take about um we got 27 participants I want you to each
don't take too long sharing share about it's 755 10 yeah I bring you back at 805 so share for about
it's 755 10 yeah I bring you back at 805 so share for about if I say three to four minutes don't go
over five in the I'm gonna put two to three people in the room so share for about three to four
minutes and then let someone else share and kind of riff just hear each other out you don't have to
give feedback you can say that's good or thank you for sharing but you don't want to spend a lot of
time right okay all right I'll see you soon
so
hey come on back in the room how was it did you all get a chance to learn some things from
are people still back joining us let's see
I think there's everybody okay sounds good all right
We hear some really good things from our sisters, yeah?
Good, good.
Anybody wanna share one thing someone shared
or something you shared?
I would enjoy hearing it.
We will all enjoy hearing it.
I'll share.
Go for it.
Hi, I'm Alexa.
And whenever you asked the question,
I immediately saw me trying to drive this car.
The Lord showed me I was just like this little girl
and I'm always, I'm like a go-getter.
I'm trying to slam down the pedal and drive
and I can't even see.
It's like five-year-old little girl, right?
And God's like, all right, all right.
You need to let me take the wheel.
And that's what he's just been showing me is trust.
Like, you just need to trust me.
Like, you're not gonna steer this car and drive and see
and be able to back up the car and maneuver it.
Like, you need to trust me.
And that's what he's been showing me is like,
this week it's just, he revealed to me,
because I'm in this relationship
and I'm trying to make everything happen,
trying to make it all just what I think it should be.
And God's like, nope.
Because the guy that I'm with, like we ended up,
we kind of gotten like a few disagreements recently.
And he, like being actually a good leader,
way better than any other relationship I've had,
he's like, all right, so we're gonna take a few days.
I'm gonna take a few days.
I'm gonna take a breather.
You're gonna take a few days.
You're gonna take a breather.
And I'm gonna call you out this day at this time, okay?
And you don't need to call me.
I'm gonna call you.
And I'm like, but like, but, and he's just like,
I'm like, okay, God, I trust you.
And then he's like, he's like,
well, that's probably who you need to spend
the few days with, okay, is the Lord.
I'm like, okay, thanks for that.
So anyway, it's just been like hard.
And, but I'm here and I know that I'm learning to trust.
I know it's hard, but I'm learning.
Yeah, that's so good.
Thank you for sharing.
You're welcome.
Yeah, anyone else wanna share?
Okay, all right.
Well, do we have some questions tonight?
Let's take next day, 23 minutes.
Go ahead, Karen.
Okay, I loved the homework this week.
Thank you.
It's been very cognizant on my mind
to pay attention to what, at the end of the day,
what are my needs?
Who am I going to for those?
So one of the things that God showed me
that I shared with Eloise was,
oh, I tend to call people first
before going to God with a need, friends or parents.
So that was like an awareness.
And then I shared on the post today,
like today I realized I had a win
because it's top of mind to recognize need
and do not just deal with it myself.
I'm in a new job four days in, which is awesome,
but it's like drinking from a water hose.
It's not anything I've ever done before.
So it's outside my comfort zone, like drastically.
And so they were about to be like,
okay, you're gonna go shadow so-and-so now.
You're gonna do this and this.
I was like, can I raise a yellow flag?
We have a client meeting tomorrow
that I'm in charge of this project.
And I would like to take time to actually read through
and review what this project is
because they'll probably ask me questions.
Could we learn what the end of day stuff is
maybe tomorrow or Thursday instead?
They're like, sure.
Yeah, because I said, I'm getting overwhelmed
and I wanna be prepared for this meeting tomorrow.
That was good.
So, and it was met with grace
and it was met with understanding.
So that was really a good practice.
My question is a learning.
So I'm similar to you, what you were saying, Ebony,
of never met a stranger.
When I'm in person, never met a stranger.
I am finding a struggle on the apps,
which is just very mind boggling to me
because I know lots of people.
Everyone's like, Karen, you know everyone.
You connect with everyone.
You can talk to anyone.
The apps are dying out.
And I was like, why am I struggling
to get some momentum on the apps enough
for it to be turned into a phone call,
to turn into an actual date?
Like, I wanna practice everything,
but I keep saying to the Lord,
I'd love some opportunity to practice.
Are you saying that when you talk,
it doesn't materialize into that?
Right, so the example would be, not always.
So I went on three dates with some guy from the app.
I've been on Hinge.
It'll be three months, end of June.
It'll die out and I'll do something else.
So I went on three dates with one guy.
We both decided like, oh, we're not really a match.
Okay, God bless.
And it was a great, great opportunity.
Then there was two guys that I've been talking to
for a month, I think I mentioned.
And I finally met one in person last weekend.
And it's a yes till it's a no.
And that was a found some like major worldview things that are like not in alignment.
So it's like, that's a no.
And the one I mentioned last week, I had, I had prompted or tried to prompt a phone
call a few times and it wasn't picked up on.
But then, then after we talked Tuesday, and I was gonna like be more forthright, he scheduled
a phone call.
So like, okay, so we had a great call.
I thought it was a great call Friday.
And he wrapped it because he needed to go to, you know, eat his dinner.
I was like, Oh, well, this is a great conversation.
Really enjoyed it.
He's like, yeah, we'll be talking.
Nothing since Friday.
So I'm like, okay.
Do I reiterate that I enjoyed the call just as like a discovery opportunity?
I'm fine if he doesn't like me, it's his product get prerogative to do so.
But he's been kind of a slow, take three or four days in between communication no matter
what.
So I'm just not sensing a whole lot of interest to get to know someone.
Yeah.
What you can do is if you want to get to know him, you can reach out and say, Hey, how's
everything going?
We haven't talked in a few days and just, hey, if you're interested in getting to get
to know each other, let's get something planned.
I love that.
Thank you.
And then leave it there.
Leave the bottle in his court and see what he does.
And then, you know, that's awesome.
Local.
Yeah.
He's like 20 minutes away.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He's gonna have to.
Yeah.
Great idea.
Great work team.
We're like 20 minutes away.
Let's just go coffee.
Yeah.
And then sometimes on apps and you may need to just your three months is up.
You can just take a break because you do, you know, you're meeting people out in the
public.
I often find myself looking.
I don't know what your community is like or what your city or town is like, but I spend
time checking out the churches in the area and checking out their ministries, their connect
groups, their singles ministry.
I go visit.
I do that a lot.
There are churches I've gone to just because I like their selection of men.
And that idea is Oasis.
I really like.
I love that.
I need to come to Texas.
So around at least I have.
I'm not aware of any singles ministries in this area.
Well check out what do they do have?
They may have some connect groups.
So you need to check out what the inventory looks like.
And so I went to one church.
I like Hispanic men and they had some fine ones up in there.
And so I would go out and then I, you know, and so I still go visit there.
When you say connect groups, so around here, I've been to like, I'd say 80% of the churches
because I moved here and tried them all, 80% of the churches and all the ones I've been
to in order to get into a small group, you have to go through like three to four months
of their, get to know the church.
And then they assigned you a group and it's like a real process to get into a home group.
Oh wow.
It's very, I've never experienced this in any like area I've ever been to, but most
churches around here, it's really challenging to actually get assigned or initiated into
or get connected into a home group.
You kind of right.
Initiated at this point.
Oh wow.
And I'm like, what if I don't like the group you assigned me to?
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Well, it's very odd.
Yeah, that is.
To me.
To me, it's odd.
Well, it's different, but because some people a little bit more, if they're coming into
your home, you want to know them a little bit better.
And I think that's the reason why they have that problem.
Yeah.
This is interesting.
Um, so I have tried, you know, how I've gotten to know people here is women's Bible study.
I just tell myself, you know what?
I might be meeting my mother-in-law tonight.
Come on.
I might be meeting my sister-in-law today.
Yeah.
I agree.
Um, and some people are dropping some, um, some advice in the chat group, but you never
know whose sister you're talking to.
It's so true.
Smile on your face and be friendly to everybody.
You don't never know.
Oh yeah.
And what cracks me up is since landing here in Iowa, I've been in the construction industry.
And so I'm around like guys all the time, but 95% of the time they are married.
I am living in a very, like people get married in their teens and early twenties here and
they, yeah, they settle.
Um, the area that I'm in is a lot of families, a lot of families.
So, yeah.
Okay, that doesn't mean that he doesn't move in here like I did that's right. It's true. They're single me in there
Or I'm going to Ireland in September and going to the singles festival and go get you one and bring them on back
That's right
Also good Karen good to see you. Thank you work me good to see you also
Eloise
How's it going there we go, um, so
on my
You know initial date that I told you about
One of the things that
The guy that I went out with and everything, although it was a great discovery date and wonderful. There won't be any more dates
That was his decision and
And and that's fine. But one of the things he asked me that I you know
I haven't
Needed to tell this to anybody
but I mean he was like wanting to know how many relationships have I had how long have they been and all this and
And I you know, I just said, you know, we're not going there. We're we're here to have a good time and
some great conversation
But I don't know how to answer something like that when I need to actually
Answer it because I've only
The longest I've dated anybody was four months even the guy that asked me to marry him. We only dated four months
before that so, you know, I don't
You know, the Lord is definitely opening me up to a lot of stuff but I
So, I don't know how to answer that or what to do about that. So you answer it just like you answered me
The longest relationship I've been in is about four months
They're gonna say really your whole life you're gonna say yeah
Wow, okay
It's the truth, right
Well, yeah, it is
I just don't know. So you just stop with that and let him ask questions then
Yeah, you don't have to over explain it that's how long most of your relationships last about four months
Your whole life. Yeah, never been married. I don't have you been married before. Yeah
You say yes. No, I haven't. No, so never been married. No not been married. Oh
How did they end up happening? You never been married before?
Well, the four months that we had didn't didn't lead us to the altar. So I let it go
Yeah, I
Don't I don't spend time where it's time not to be spent
I ever you want to put a twist to it. I don't waste time if I find that it's not working
Yeah, oh gosh, that's wonderful so I tend to tell more than I need to you know
coming from
Journalism background and everything the facts and all that sort of stuff
I tell you more than you ever wanted to know so I just need to
Shut up
Yeah, you know, yeah, you don't have to over explain actually Eloise the short answer is the best answer just get straight to it
Whatever it is
And it's just that's what it is. I
Love that. I don't waste time. I haven't in the past and I won't do that to you either
This is wonderful
Thank you
Yay, okay
All right, so
Yeah
So
And one of the things Karen and I were
in the little chat thing and so
she said something and it caused me to
Because Tim my hot date
You know said
You're just so beautiful and you don't need to lose any more weight because he was talking about he lost 88 pounds
and
And I said, well you beat me
I've I've lost 60 only lost 60 and he said you don't need to lose another ounce
and so I mean, you know, the Lord tells me all the time how beautiful I am and
You know all that good stuff
You know all that good stuff and it's like a man that I don't even know said that and I
and
I've never had a man be quite so
Open and I mean he wasn't slick at all
you know, kind of, you could tell he was being sincere and stuff, but I'm like, okay, Lord,
I need to relish what you're saying to me a lot more than Tim did, you know, kind of
deal.
So, yeah.
Well, Eloise, I do want to just, I want to kind of put a pin right there in there for
you because there's a difference between God telling you you're beautiful and a man telling
you you're beautiful.
A man that bears the image of God, that carries the masculinity of God that's in flesh in
front of you.
The same way that God is your supplier for all things, but he also cannot be a husband
in a suit form, in a fleshly order.
He is our husband.
We are his bride in those ways, but he can't be in flesh.
And so when a man in living, in living color says to you, you're beautiful, it's going
to hit a different part of your human nature.
Okay.
So, he's saying that you're beautiful.
I looked at you and I decided that you were good as well.
And so a man looked at you in admiration and that he said he approved you.
That's why when a person says things or rejects you, it hurts.
It goes the same way when they give approval or satisfaction.
We want to know that we're beautiful to somebody.
We want to know that we're desirable, or then you will feel undesirable.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
And so I just want you to know, you don't have to, you don't have to, those two things
don't have to compete.
They don't have to be, they're not the same.
They're not the same.
They're not to be measured the same.
Each one has its place.
And so what happens is the Lord, if someone gives an opinion of you or someone gives an
opinion of you that is not accurate, goes against the identity that heaven has given
you, you trump it with what I know what my father has said about me.
Right.
Yeah.
The same way a child would be if they went to school and some teacher was saying something
about them opposite of what their parents had told them about them.
Their parents' identity of them trumps what somebody else would say about them.
It's like, that's not true.
My mama said, my daddy used to tell, I was a chunky little girl.
And my daddy would say, I would say, daddy, they call me fat.
He said, oh baby, you just tell them you're not fat, you fine.
He said, now say it.
I would say, I'm not fat, I'm fine.
And he would just like hold me on his head.
You tell them, baby.
I would say, I ain't fat, I'm fine.
He said, who said it?
He would take me around.
Who said it?
Tell them now.
You tell them.
It was my cousin now.
I'd just say, I ain't fat, I'm fine.
I'm not fat, I'm fine.
I love it.
Yeah.
Thanks for that clarifying kind of thing, because, you know, the guy knows the Lord
and he said some, he said, you know, because I said the thing about, you know, chemistry
is on the bus, but it's not camaraderie.
It's, what's the word she used, but it's compatibility.
It's what drives the bus.
Yeah.
That Jackie said.
And so I said that to him and although he said we had a great date and he thought I
was amazing and all that, he said, I don't think the camaraderie, you know, compatibility
is there.
And so, so I, you know, I totally agreed with that, but I didn't, I didn't say it that way.
I just said, you know, it was so great to meet a fellow, a person whose love language
is words of affirmation.
And so I think, you know, that really resonates in you and, and I like to think it does with
me too.
And so had a great date and you know, blah, blah, blah.
So but it was so good that the, you know, just the discovery, there's just a lot more
to discover.
And I'm in Dallas, Fort Worth.
You are too.
And I don't know, do you know about Singles and Fellowship on Facebook?
No, it's in Dallas.
It's Dallas, Fort Worth area.
So and I went to a dinner dance a couple of months ago, and there were 150 singles there.
Um, that's where I met Tim.
Everybody was up dancing, you know, they had a DJ and all that sort of stuff.
And there was a lot of line dances go in and all of a sudden out of nowhere, Kim
comes up and Tim comes up and we're dancing, you know, like partners and I'm
like, where in the heck did he come from?
And so then he looked me up on Facebook and that's how we connected.
But yeah, singles in fellowship, um, and, um, also active singles, DFW.
Oh, good.
Okay.
That's so good.
Thank you for sharing because it's so hopeful because among us ladies, we
are all different age groups and it's so easy for me.
I put some friends.
She's so beautiful.
She's like a black barber doll.
Um, I tell her all the time, you're so young.
And so my mind says she's so young.
She's not gonna have any problem with getting a husband.
They're going to scoop that little young thing right up.
And then I, I saw you, we can look at a woman.
I look at Jessica, she's just like a little girl.
And so in our mind we says, oh, they have so much going for them.
And you know, then you can look at your age when you're 30 and you're 40 and
you're 15, like, oh, I know they have way more options than I do.
And so when we get to share from all age, um, categories that we met somebody
that it actually was a good time at this time, it wasn't a scammer, you know,
like all the things get, it, it really builds faith in the room.
Sharing this really builds faith that you had a really good experience.
And so that's why I'm, thank you for sharing because it builds faith in me.
Um, somehow as women, we disqualify ourselves based on age and things of such
sort, but you can have somebody who's 25, who has the same singing the same blues.
Yeah.
Well, I got to say this one last thing.
I looked on Facebook and he had his year.
He was born the month and the year.
And I'm like, I need to go back and see, you know, so he's 58 and he looks 68, but
he's 58 and I'm in my seventies.
Yeah.
There you go.
What they call it?
Robbing the cradle.
Ain't you miss Eloise?
Robbing the cradle Eloise!
Yeah, almost six feet tall, robbing the cradle.
Right.
That's right.
Robbing the cradle.
Yeah.
You still got it.
You got to do like I be saying.
Yep.
I still got it.
You got it.
Yeah, I do.
I do.
Thank you for sharing this Eloise.
Thank you.
Love y'all.
Yeah.
Um, it was funny when she said he looks 60, he's 50, but he looks 60.
I said, God, wait.
Um, Laura, tell us more.
Okay.
So, um, yeah.
So my update is that I did speak to Wade on the phone last Wednesday after our
call last Tuesday, and, um, he, um, it was an interesting phone call cause he did
admit that he has romantic feelings towards me, which, um, like I've been
thinking about like since then or whatever.
Um, but I did comment how like, um, like I had gotten home from Taipei on the
Saturday before early in the morning.
And I was kind of disappointed that he hadn't called me or whatever.
And he said that, um, if he had known that I wanted him to call me that he would
cause he made some brief comment about how he felt that, um, like I was taking a
step back, but I think, um, cause like I had been out of the country for like 10
days and I think it was part of that.
And, um, cause we just texted while I was like in Taipei.
Um, and then, um, but maybe I did, I don't know.
Cause I was still like trying to evaluate like how I felt about him.
Cause I, I sensed even prior to him telling me that last Wednesday that he was more
into me than I was into him.
Um, but we did go on a final date on Saturday.
We spent like three hours together.
Cause I wanted to like really evaluate, like, and be with him in person to like
decide, like, am I like attracted to him?
Like in the way that he's interested in me.
And I just came to the conclusion that I'm not.
And, um, so I was super nervous.
Um, but, um, I did, um, text him after I got home from church on Sunday and asked
if I could call him and, um, and he responded shortly after that.
And so like I did, um, my heart was like pounding like a mile a minute or whatever.
And, um, I just said that like, um, I started the conversation with like,
that I had a good time.
day like yesterday and then I kind of like referenced how like he had commented having
romantic feelings towards me like earlier in the week and I had been like thinking about that for
the past few days but but I do not have romantic feelings towards him and he he did say that
initially that that stung but he did appreciate my honesty and yeah he and then I also said too
because being that we are part of like the same rotary club I said I'm not sure how you feel
about this but if we could like at least show each other like like grace or just some common courtesy
or like if you're open to it like just to like be friends or whatever because we are going to
continue to like see each other at meetings and different events and whatever and and also I
specifically wanted to call him on Sunday because we had like a celebration of our outgoing president
last night and so I didn't want to do it like there at the meeting or whatever I wanted to have
like it like discussed and so like he knew like prior to like getting to that event or whatever
but he he like he was very gracious and he he said yeah that he agreed um and he he even told
me that like in previous relationships that he's had like and broken up with people or whatever
that he he's never held any animosity towards other people and um and I thought it was very
sweet because he even said that um that he he will always hold me like in a special place in
his heart or whatever I thought that that was super cute or whatever so but um yeah um and then
um on a different note um I started Jackie's um um Modern Dating Sucks book club that the new
session started like not yesterday but a week ago Monday and um when she was having us put like our
city and state um there's a guy that um who um actually is in like the guys last year single
program or whatever who his name is John and he commented um like my same city in northern
California or whatever and um which is Brentwood but there's also one in Southern California and
so like I I responded to his comment in the chat and I was like oh are you in Southern California
and he said no that he is like just around the street from like um like off this street that's
like around the corner from my house or whatever and so um after so like a week ago Monday night I
was like thinking I'm like well should I Facebook like send him like a Facebook friend request I'm
like what what the heck I mean the worst he can say is no or whatever and he did accept and um
he and I we went on a walk this afternoon he's a really nice guy he's a widow and um
and then it was interesting because um I met a girlfriend last Tuesday and um and she's actually
met him in person or whatever and she said that um that like she's been at like dancing things
or whatever and um but yeah so he and I we like we walked this afternoon for like an hour in like
the blazing sun it was like 90 degrees it was like roasting or whatever but um but yeah I mean it was
a nice conversation and um yeah it was nice we didn't necessarily say at the end like that we're
gonna see each other again well he's he just commented he's like well I'll see you at book
club next week or whatever so anyhow so we'll see that's good Laura so let me I'm glad you met this
guy from Jackie's book club let me ask you this why did you end up not having romantic feelings
for the other guy what was your conclusion on that I just didn't find myself attracted to him
I like I mean which I mean that's why like I kind of drug it out for a long time because
like we had a lot of like common interests and he is also Christian and um and like he loves
animals and I have pets and and so like I really like was like yeah I was like there were so many
things that seemed like aligned that I was like but I just didn't feel like any spark at all
I was like um yeah I don't think you answered my question though why didn't you like him
um that's an important question for you to to kind of break down why didn't you like him
uh spark is a spark is uh can be very your trauma matches his trauma like a spark
doesn't mean a lot in the measurement of mature marriage mind and masculine okay and so I and one
of the things that this is not you got to talk to him I want you to figure out why you didn't
like him because you did have so much in line because it tells you something about you it
tells you about something that you value more than something else right like oh this is a big deal to
me
So now you have a different eye
when you start dating somebody else
because you do value that thing a lot.
And even if they're aligned with you in a lot of areas,
this one thing carries heavy weight for you.
Does that make sense?
So you're asking me to find out what that thing is?
Yeah, because from what it sounds like,
you spent talking about him,
saying he's not giving you enough communication
and you really like him.
This was the story you said.
And when we get together, we spend three hours together
and I really like him when we're together.
I wish that he would talk to me more.
This is your report of this man.
I'm trying to push him to talk to me more.
I like him.
I'm just not sure if he feels the same way
because we don't spend a lot of time talking.
But that's what you said.
And I said, well, hey, Laura, let's just go for it.
Let's just tell him you want more.
And then you tried that and then he said, okay.
And so then when he says he has romantic feelings for you,
you go on a date and you say, yeah,
I feel like I just didn't like him.
And so I want to know what you didn't like about him
or did something get triggered in you
when he said, I want to know you,
I do like you romantically.
Because while you were trying to come,
while you were tugging with why he's not talking to you more,
you wanted him.
And then when he says, I want you too,
you said I don't want you.
And so something's not adding up in that process.
And you didn't want him so much.
You actually had a conversation with that, did you?
I don't know if you shared it with Carla.
I don't know, but you had the conversation
and felt relieved and free from the person
you've been talking about trying to get you
to communicate with you more just days ago.
And so-
Well, I mean, it had been going on for like a while.
So it wasn't like just like-
But you allowed it.
Yeah, like I kind of tolerated it, yeah.
It speaks to me.
I'm wondering, how are you showing up?
Because this man said he felt like you didn't have interest.
So that means you're showing up a certain way as well.
And so the same space that you gave that he didn't perform,
it's also the same space in which you did not.
I don't want to use the word perform,
but for lack of better words,
it's the same space that you did nothing.
And so both of y'all sitting on the other side
doing nothing and saying,
I really liked them if they would just talk to me more.
Well, my whole thing was, is I didn't want to like hound him.
So I didn't want to like-
So let's deal with that mindset.
That you believe-
Feeling on him about like-
You believe that-
More communication and like-
The one you say, I'm hounding him,
that says, I believe that when I advocate for myself
and what I want, I'm a bother, I'm a burden.
And so then what you do is you sit back
and you put your seatbelt on all in the name of,
I'm just going to let him lead.
I'm just going to wait to see what he's going to do.
Now, we know that if you don't have any communication,
you're not getting connection.
And so you're not growing.
And from that time,
you'll go from trying to get more and more and more.
And then when it hits, it's like, forget it.
I lost interest anyway along the way
because you didn't talk to me enough.
But because you were hungry
trying to get something from him,
you didn't realize that whatever you were having for him,
it was dwindling away in the process.
Because it's not realistic to believe
that a pursuit will stay hot that long
without some reciprocity.
Does that make sense?
And so then when he finally says, oh yeah, I do like you.
You're like, oh yeah, I realize I don't even like you.
Well, you don't like him
because you spent three weeks hoping he will call you.
Well, yeah.
And then also he did say something in that conversation
when he like on Sunday or whatever is that,
which I don't know, really stood out to me
is that he said that,
I mean, and he's been divorced for like eight years too.
And his kids are grown.
I mean, his daughter is 25 and his son is 21.
So it's not like they're toddlers or anything.
But he did say that for him,
even now that his kids are like top priority or whatever.
So I was like, well,
even if I like was pursuing a relationship with him
or whatever, would I be like less important
than like his kids?
Well, Laura, like some things are to be processed through.
And so what you have to hear is that this man is a widow.
Is that right?
No, he's divorced.
He's divorced.
All he has is his kids.
There's not been another woman in the picture.
And so ideally what people would do is take
and make their children bigger than life.
And that's a very, very possible thing.
But, you know, as you proceeded with getting to know him,
that could have,
been a point of conversation, right? And so you don't have to be the most important thing in his
life. There's an ideal and a concept that we must be a man, sun, moon, and stars, but that is not
true. God should be his sun, moon, and stars, and God should be your sun, moon, and stars,
but he should honor you as wife. Right.
Okay. And so, and there are some people at his age, I've seen them walk away because their
children didn't want them married. That is a real thing. But what he said was worth conversating
as you got to know him. And so I want you to take some time to learn yourself by writing down,
why didn't you like him? Why did you let so much time go by without saying, I want more
communication? And if your answer is, I wanted him to leave, or like when you just said, I didn't
want to hound him. I want you to find out where that lie came from, that you hound a person,
because I'm going to share this with you. The discovery that God wants you to get from this
is going to help you with the next relationship, because you're going to be back in situations
where you have to open up your mouth and you have to say something. And we have to get that muscle
moving and that you're not just sitting by and just letting time go by and not being active in
the process. Also, if there's any systems or laws in you that believe, well, he's the man,
he should do this, he should leave, he should that, he should that. Let's get all that down on paper
so you can get to the bottom of that mindset. What someone should do, should do, should do,
should do, should do. These men are not your husbands. They are another person that you're
trying to get to know. And you have just as much seat at the table as they do. And no,
you didn't come to waste time. And these are the ways we don't waste time. By we open up our mouth
and we speak for ourselves and we know where we're going. And each one of you ladies on this line,
you're in this program, you know where you're going. You're going to join the Lord at the
altar with your love story. You have strategy, you have skills, you are equipped. You understand
boundaries and how to submit yourself to them. You know how to use your voice or you're learning how
to use your voice. You're learning how to do all these things. You have what you need to pull this
thing out. Okay. You are the, you are, you are, you know, one time Jackie posted on, on things.
She said, when God leads, we call shotgun. You know, like who gets, when, when the Lord is leading,
then I scream shotgun. That means you jump, jump on the passenger seat, right? God is driving,
but remember you're not on the back seat. You're also in the front. So you can see.
And you ladies have sight right now. When we're equipped, when we have guardrails and boundaries
that we submit ourselves to, consider yourself equipped. When you've learned the pacing of a
relationship, when you've learned how to use your words, when you've learned or you've ridded
yourself of entitlement, when you know how to show grace, when you know how to show up and be
vulnerable, when you know what you're looking for and where you're headed, when you understand
what masculinity is maturity in a marriage minded is listen, you ladies y'all are walking with the
total package. If anytime you believe where you were the prize, trust me, you are truly the prize
right now. You've gone through hard work. You now have space to hold for somebody else to show up
and be themselves and not judge them for who they are, but to realize like, Hey, they're not the
best for me and not put an all-out indictment against them because they don't show up the way
you want them to show up because your hopes that they were your husband. You don't have to do that
anymore. You don't have to blame them for being human. Right? So Laura, do that homework. Cause
it's going to be really good for you. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, thank you so much for
that. All right. Well, ladies, I'm going to say this last thing. And, um, and we talked about
curiosity and why it matters. And this something that is in the notes and I thought it was really
good. I don't want to skip it. If it says ladies, if God answer every dating question immediately,
we might find a husband. I like how that sounds, right? If he answered them immediately,
we might find a husband, but we miss becoming the woman he's inviting us to become.
And there is an invitation that sits before you. When you hear curiosity, you hear invitation,
they are in sync with each other. So we miss becoming the woman he's inviting us to become.
God isn't simply preparing us for marriage. He's preparing us for deeper intimacy with him.
Sometimes the greatest gift isn't getting the answer. Sometimes it's becoming the kind of woman
who knows how to walk with God, even when she doesn't have the answer.
And, uh, I think that's absolutely.
You look beautiful.
And I could definitely put my amen on that
because that is the truth.
It takes a level of courage to walk with God
and not know the answer, but walk with Him nevertheless.
And those of us who learn to do that,
great is our reward because God would never
allow us to be more faithful to Him than He is to us.
And that you can write down in the book.
You're not going to be more faithful to Him
than He is to you.
And He is faithful.
The Bible says, He who began a good work in me
is perfect to complete it.
The Bible says that God makes all things beautiful
in its time.
And so I'm going to say one more prayer of encouragement for us
and then I'm going to release us.
But I really want you to grab this prayer with your spirit
and hold fast to it.
I know it sounds like we hear the same things over and over,
but when you're on a journey to believe God for marriage,
you need to hear the same thing over and over and over again.
And so I release upon you the goodness of God.
May the Lord make His face shine upon you
and be gracious towards you and give you peace.
I believe that the Lord is working for you
and He's inviting you to come into a special place
of intimacy, that you may know your father,
that you are no longer living your life substituting
a husband in the place where your father wants to reside,
that you will no longer choose a husband that
can let you down, a person that is fickle when you can trust
a God who is unshakable, unmovable, unstoppable,
the one who created you and designed you
in His image and His likeness.
You bear the image of your father.
When I look at you, I say to myself,
oh, she looks just like her daddy.
Oh, Kaylin looks just like her daddy.
Oh, Kristen looks just like her daddy.
Oh, Rachel looks just like her daddy.
And so God, I thank you that I'm looking
at the daughters that look just like their father.
And I thank you, Lord God, because you are a good father.
And when we ask you for bread, you won't give us stone.
And when we ask you for a fish, you will not give us a snake.
I thank you, Lord God, that you're
greater than any earthly parent we've ever encountered
and that you're giving us good things
and that you're a rewarder of those who diligently seek you.
For you said in your word, if you come before me
and believe first that I am God, that I
will be a rewarder of those who diligently seek me.
And so God, I thank you that you're
doing what only you can do.
These ladies know that only you can bring them a husband.
They could go pick any man.
But it's not any man that they want.
They want a man who has the approval of their father.
So I thank you, Lord God, that as your sons arise
to take wives, that they will find these women resting
in you, fully equipped with their sword in their hand,
the life-giving source that they are.
They are your Ezra's.
And I speak to their spirits.
And I say, arise as the Ezra that God has designed you
to be because you are a special technology that God made you
to multiply, that there's a machine on the inside of you
that has caused the earth to be.
And I release you to be those things
in every sphere of influence.
Everywhere you go, everywhere your feet go,
you are God's life-giving source.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
Wow, thank you, Ebony.
Yeah, you are welcome, Ebony.
Thank you, Ebony.
All right, ladies, have a good night.
Bye.
Thank you.
That was a fire prayer.
You're welcome.
It was so good.
Woo-hoo.
Great.