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Hey, everyone. Welcome. It's been a while since we've done a love story, so I'm excited

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to have two couples here tonight. I'm sure we're going to have more people logging in

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as we continue a little bit past the hour. Our crew tends to show up, you know, after

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about 8.15-ish, even on my live sessions. By then, the crowd is more of a normal crowd.

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So glad to have you all here with me. We have two incredible couples tonight. We have Megan

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and Brian, and we have Clayton and Stacey, and I'm so excited to unpack a little bit

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of their stories for you all tonight with them. And on that note, I'm going to pray

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over our time together tonight. I did want to let you guys know, because this question

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came in, we are still planning on having Supernatural Saturday on Saturday, even though it's 4th

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of July. The last word I got was that Jackie is going to do a Word on Saturday, but we'll

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just go with the flow. They are traveling, but we are planning to go on our normal schedule.

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So show up, be there. I think it's going to be a really great message on Saturday. All

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right, let me pray for us. Father, thank you so much for this night. We thank you for this

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amazing community, all of the people in it. We thank you for the success stories. We thank

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you for those that are here tonight to share their stories. God, we thank you for Kingdom

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families and marriages. I pray that the conversation would be fun and inspiring. God, for people

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that have felt hopeless, God, that you would just meet them right where they're at and

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just encourage them. God, we thank you for men and women alike in our community, that

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you have a plan and a purpose for them individually, but also with them and for them as a couple

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and creating spiritual DNA for your kingdom. And we just thank you, God, for leading all

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of our brothers and sisters here that have not met their spirit mate yet, one step closer

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to their spirit mate and their spirit mate one step closer to them. We just thank you

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for love stories continuing to pop like popcorn, people meeting their spirit mates, and God,

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the supernatural work that you're doing in us as we wait and move forward in that process.

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In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. So as we kick off tonight, my hubby is not here with us

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tonight, but I am going to be the host. We led Simbis this week, so I've already borrowed

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his time once this week. So he's, he's taken some time to rest tonight, but I'm excited

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to share a little bit of our story. I'll kind of weave that in with the couples as well.

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And so the way we're going to do it is we'll kind of, I'll go to one couple first. And

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so I'll just go to Clayton and Stacey, and then we'll go to Megan and Brian, and we'll

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kind of toggle back and forth a little bit. And I'll like ask you all a question, and

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then you'll answer. And as you answer, I didn't hear any no holds barred on any, any topics.

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So, you know, we just go with the flow of the spirit. Sometimes y'all will say something

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that I just, based on things that I know our people are working through or navigating,

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I might be like, Oh man, let's go here. Cause it's such a good conversation. So just want

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to make you aware of that. And yeah, so we'll start with Clayton and Stacey. And so first

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want to just have you guys, each one individually share about five minutes or so of your story.

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And let's start with the perspective of like, what was God doing in each one of you individually

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before he brought you together? And then how did God bring you together?

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Okay, I'll go first. So I joined last year single in November, 2022. Before that, I'm

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55 free to thrive. And at 41, I got married and was married for about two and a half years.

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Met my husband at my local church. And, um, you know, he did not honor God or our marriage.

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All of a sudden it was like, we got married and then the light switch went off. So, uh,

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we divorced and then, um, I, and that was in December of 2015. So I didn't do any dating

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probably for about three years or didn't even think about it. Didn't want to do that.

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And in the midst of that, I did divorce recovery, did a lot of deliverance and healing and retreats,

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et cetera, have a great church community that I was a part of. I was actually on staff at

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a church at that time. And then I was ready to go ahead and date and man, I was having

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a hard time knocking my head against the wall. And so then a friend of mine, um, was like,

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what about Jackie Dorman's program? And I knew Jackie cause we lived in the same community.

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And I'm like, huh? I don't know about that. And my friend said, she goes, Stacy,

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if you don't like it, then just drop it. Like at least give it a try. Um, and so I gave it a try.

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I came in on one of the challenges in November, 2022. And I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, this is,

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I need this. Um, so that's the type of work I did. I realized that I was God defined.

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that I was made divinely feminine and so I was like, this is the era of soft, sexy Stacey.

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Grew my hair out a little bit, softened up because I'm a boss babe naturally.

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And so I didn't, I just, I needed to soften up and I needed to surrender the pen as Jackie

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says and realize that number one, there was not one thing wrong with me and that God had

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a plan for me and it was a plan with a sexy man.

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So Clayton, what about your story?

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Okay.

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So for me, um, I got married, uh, right, right out of college back in, uh, 19, back in 1980,

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86, 87 time period.

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And I was married for 25 years, uh, and I, uh, chased the golden, you know, the golden

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carrot to, uh, uh, move up in my career and kind of lost track of what, uh, what I should

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have been focusing on.

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And, uh, like I said, we were married for 25 years.

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Uh, I moved all around the world, got to see a lot of great places and, uh, uh, you know,

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have a family, start having a family out on the road and, uh, um, then I, then I got transferred

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back to, uh, Dallas, Texas, uh, to where, uh, my career was just right there where I

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started at.

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And my marriage failed because I was too focused on my career, uh, and I, I, I allowed it to

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fail.

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Uh, and then that was in 2015.

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So I was married from 86 to 2015 and, uh, for 10 years after that, uh, 15 to 25, yeah,

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I bounced around and, and poor relationships and made some mistakes, uh, that, uh, I had

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to learn a hard lesson with, um, and then met Stacey.

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Well, you got involved in your, your men's group.

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Well, at the, at the church I went to, I had always gone to the same church ever since

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I moved back from, from Europe.

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Um, I was going to a church there in Dallas and, uh, I was involved in the men's groups

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there.

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Uh, hearing, hearing about other men talking about their marriage, hearing men talk about

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their issues, hearing men talk about what was going on.

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Um, but none of it sunk in really, uh, because it wasn't a men's focused church.

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Um, but, uh, like I said, it, it, for 10 years, I kind of struggled, uh, floundered in the

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ocean of, uh, of what was out there and really had kind of given up and I don't want to say

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I had given up, but had pretty much come to the conclusion that all women were the

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same.

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Uh, and lo and behold, I met the, my, the woman of my dreams.

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And we met, we met on Facebook dating.

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That's how we met.

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So we met in April, 2025 on Facebook dating, had our first date on May 9th and, um, dated

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went through Simbis in October, November last year.

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And Clayton put a ring on my finger on, um, new year's Eve.

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And then we just got married on May 7th.

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So exciting.

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And I want to kind of just hone in on something that Clayton said real quick, because our

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ladies tend to say this about the men.

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And I think, I think there might be some other men out there, whether they're here live tonight

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or they're watching the replay where they're saying the same thing, where the men are saying

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all women are the same and the women are saying all the men are the same.

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And you all, we have to come out of agreement with those thoughts, no matter what we experienced

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in the past, you know, we have to let go of that.

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Every person is like this because I'm going to tell you what, if you don't get rid of

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that before you get married, it's going to bite you after you get married because you're

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going to tend to think that everybody is like your ex, even after you're married.

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So now is the time to heal and figure out what caused that to start in you to begin

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with and really allow God to set you free from that so that you can actually see your

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spirit mate when they come.

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Because truly, I don't think if Clayton hadn't worked through that, I don't think he would

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have seen Stacey.

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I don't know exactly all the dynamics of conversations and stuff like that, but you know, God will

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allow our eyes to be opened.

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But first, typically the healing has to happen.

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And that's what kind of works in partnership with that.

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And so I love your whole story.

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I love hearing the little bits of like what, where you were before you came together and

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then what brought you together.

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We're going to circle back to you in just a few minutes.

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And so Megan and Brian, if you all can do the same kind of give them hello, welcome.

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It's so good to see you all.

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I know, so I haven't seen Megan and Brian and since we did Brian, my Brian and I led

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Symbus when they went through.

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And so I haven't seen them since before their wedding.

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So this is an exciting night to be here with them.

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So let's hear a little bit of your story.

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What do y'all want to share tonight?

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Great.

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Well, Stacey, it seems like we were in the same initial entry to Jackie's program because

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I also joined November of 2022 through a challenge.

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So at the same exact time, and for me, you know, I think for much of my life, I just

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believed, you know, God will just put the person in my path.

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Let me just focus on everything else, my career, volunteering at church and different things

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like that, and really never did anything proactive.

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And it was really around, you know, the time frame was around November 22.

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I bought my first apartment and I just remember telling people, I was like, oh yeah, God,

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you know, like brought me to this apartment or things like that, but God gave me this

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apartment and that just kind of occurred to me.

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And I was like, so God brought me the apartment, but I was like, I looked at a lot of apartments

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before I found the one I like.

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Actually, it took some work and I was like, and I also made offers on some places that

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fell through.

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And I'm like, so why do I have this belief that dating is somewhat different?

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Like where, you know, maybe I do have to like talk to a few houses or apartments or like,

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maybe you do sometimes step into something and you're like, you know what, that's not

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the right fit.

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Like I'm gonna step back into something else.

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So that really started my search and around that same time, you know, right after I moved

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my apartment and was starting to have these thoughts, Jackie was speaking on a podcast

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and I heard her join to the challenge and, you know, something else had been happening

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around that time where, you know, my pastors were like, do you want to leave this Bible

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studies?

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Do you want to leave that?

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Do you want to leave that?

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Like that thing was really resonating with me.

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And I started learning all these things from Jackie.

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I was like, I never knew that.

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Like, oh my gosh, there's another lie not believing or that I've been believing.

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And like, there's so many people in my life and in my church that are believing some of

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the same things.

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So I ended up starting a singles group at church.

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Jackie was actually our first speaker and a lot of, a lot of kingdom marriages came

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out of it and she came a few times, but mine hadn't come yet out of it.

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So I, you know, was at this point in her program for a couple of years, I did the online dating.

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I was getting a lot of inner healing, getting more comfortable going on dates, dates were

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becoming a little bit more fun because I was getting a little bit better at kind of sorting

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through new people on my dating.

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But for me, I just really preferred, you know, just because sometimes you run into

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all different types of people.

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I just preferred meeting in real life.

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And that's where I kept trying to create opportunities, find opportunities.

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So I found a Christian singles conference online.

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And I think before the program, I probably wouldn't have the courage to like put myself

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out there in a place like I'm flying from New York to Nashville, I'm going to a conference

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and ended up, there was this guy there and I met line dancing the night before the conference.

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And I actually were not initially interested in each other on day one.

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But a lot of what, you know, I think the program talks about is like not having a type, getting

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rid of some of your like preconceived, like this is what the person will be like.

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There's some ways we're similar.

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And then there's a lot of ways that we're complete opposites.

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And they had us do discussion questions there.

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And they're like, it was like 500 people there, but they're like, turn to the person behind

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you.

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And he just no matter what day of the conference it was, he was always the person behind me

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without even realizing he was coming behind me.

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Like it was just that was the empty seat.

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And I realized that there's such a depth to, you know, his answers, like, you know, I want

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to get to know him better.

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And we started talking after that.

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And dated for about a year, and then had a beautiful proposal overlooking the city and

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got married a year ago last week.

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Yeah, and just to add, yeah, I think it's I think for a lot of us, you know, we're in

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different seasons.

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So maybe we've gone out of a relationship, we need to heal from that maybe there's things

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in our past that we have to work through to get to the next season that God wants to put

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us in.

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I kind of relate a little bit to what Clayton said.

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Yeah, I went through a couple of different relationships, dating, and I kind of hit a

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wall where I was like, hey, you know what, I kind of saw relationships as actually, I

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should say I saw marriages more like it's just the business.

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It's just you do something for me.

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I do something for you.

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I never saw it with God in the center.

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I didn't see it as a spirit mate that Jackie talks about, a co-warrior.

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you know, I always think I think I'm in a lot of relationships like there's going to be a self

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sabotage, like something's going to happen. OK, here we go. Another fight. So not learning how

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to do that properly. And, you know, I think Simba's was great for us because I'm not going

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to lie. There's different moments where I go back to it. Like we learn how I connect with activities

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and I'll tell her sometimes like there's ways she connects mostly. And I say, hey, like the best way

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I connect with you is activity. And so I think for a bit, for a long time, I was just in a

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different season of healing, really focused on God. And then little by little, I went on dates and

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I started asking, like, how important is your spiritual life? And I noticed like my questions

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get very specific. And I was like, you know what? I don't think I don't see people really

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as interested. So I was like, I wonder where I can meet other Christian people. And I think

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I just started looking around. I started asking and kind of one thing led to another and different

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people will add to your life. Some people are temporary. Some people are just a short season.

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Some people are meant for a long time. So you don't know how God working in your life. Sometimes

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we could be in a tough storm. But I always say I learned is smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.

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And so sometimes we're in these difficult seasons and we're like, why? You know, God,

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I don't understand what's going on. It might be later on. He'll say, OK, God, I see what you were

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doing. He was preparing you for the next piece. And then that piece then maybe led you to your

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partner. And so that was a little bit of my story. I think for me, it was different pieces.

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My career, I was very focused on that, just didn't really want to be around people and anything about

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dating and marriage. And then over time, I kind of saw, oh, you know what? There are kingdom marriages

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around. And I started rewiring my brain a little bit. And then just over time, working with Jackie,

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I know Bethany had some great sessions. I'll still go back to our notebook because, yeah,

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like different things will come up, you know, how we do things, how handling responsibilities.

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We both very independent people. We've done things. She's done it a certain way. I've done

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it a certain way for a long time. And then how do you merge the two? And that's the beauty of

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marriage is the refinement. And so I think it's just a beautiful journey, what God does in marriage.

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And again, I think just making sure that you're not looking for a perfect person.

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You're just looking for that core, that spirit mate to that gets you closer to God in this

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journey, because at the end of the day, you're serving each other and you just keep growing in

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new ways. And so that's a little bit of kind of how I've been on our journey. And yeah, like we

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just had one year last week. Yeah. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Thank you. I never just feel

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blessed, like just of everything. I know some of you might feel like down, like, hey, I haven't

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found my person. Oh, I'm too old. Like, I think we got to just get rid of these notions in our head.

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And I think just know that just continue to lead into God, be around good people,

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Bethany, Jackie, just people who continue to just to keep pushing you and support you. And

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sometimes we need that good push to break those walls, those boundaries, and just to get us to

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grow and to get ready for when that right person comes, you will have the tools and just feel ready

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for that next moment. And just the one thing I'll add, too, is, you know, when we met, I was 40

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years old, and he was my first boyfriend. So just to put things, you know, in kind of the timeline

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there, because I know everyone's on, you know, different timelines. Yeah, and I love Megan,

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that you added that. And even like Stacy, and you know, when you all share some of your background,

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I saw some of the ladies were asking, you know, so Stacy was in last year single for three years

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until you know, she met Clayton. And it's about the same. Yeah, for Stacy, Megan, obviously,

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they've been married for a year. So hers was two years before she met Brian. But some really

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awesome things that he was mentioning there that I think is very important to pull out.

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And it's not just regarding Simbus, even though that's what he was referencing, but the heartwork.

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Y'all, we're almost Brian and I are almost at four years of, you know, being married and my

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Brian are almost being married. I don't want to confuse people. And then, you know, we knew each

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other about a year before we got married. And I'll tell you what, like we when we coach Simbus,

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I it's I'm so grateful that we do that. Because every time I prepare and coach with Brian, my

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Brian for Simbus. I'm like, man, we've kind of gotten away from that we need to we like we need

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to go back to that and kind of recenter because life happens. And you know, as I was mentioning

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earlier, the things that we, you know, a lot of us, we know things that we need to heal from before

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we get married as we go through that heartwork. But then what happens is then you're walking in

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marriage and then something that you didn't even know was still in there gets revealed,

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it gets triggered by something.

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And so use, like, hang on to those tools.

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That's kind of why I'm saying this.

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Hang on to the tools that you're learning now.

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And then the tools that you learn,

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hopefully for those of you that are in our program,

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that you will go through Symbus,

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it's really, really important to make those investments

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so that you have those things to fall back on.

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And so on that note, some of y'all,

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you guys already shared a little bit

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about your healing process,

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but I would love for you to share just like one or two,

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and there might be more, but we'll start with one or two,

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things that were really pivotal in your heartwork process.

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And if you didn't go through the heartwork in our community,

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you all have healed outside of here.

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So it could be whatever your journey was of heart healing,

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like two things that were really game changers for you.

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So I'll come back to Clayton and Stacey,

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and then I'll go to Megan and Brian.

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Okay.

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You know, when I was living in the Dallas-Denton area,

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the church that I went to had a men's group

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that was called the Men of Merge.

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And, you know, we would meet every Monday morning

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and share what was going on in our world.

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And at that time, that was in the, you know,

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at that time, that was 2014,

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2015 period when I was getting my divorce.

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And I really found a group of men

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that made the Men of Merge all about me.

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And there was a lot of heartwork.

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I didn't realize it at the time,

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but there was a lot of heartwork done

296
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or completed during that Men of Merge.

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And, I mean, it was every, you know,

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I felt bad about it afterwards

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because a lot of guys were there.

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I mean, there was, you know, 200, 300 guys there.

301
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And we were, you know, all of us sitting around,

302
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you know, sitting around five guys at a table.

303
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And there was five guys that gathered around me

304
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and literally lifted me up through that process.

305
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And, you know, I went through that, that Men of Merge.

306
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And then I also got, when Stacey and I started dating,

307
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not even dating, she didn't realize we were dating.

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I knew we were dating.

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She handed me a piece of paper and said,

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you know, this is the, you know,

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if we're gonna have a friendship.

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And right there was, you know, kind of the first thing

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of like, well, wait a minute,

314
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what direction are we going?

315
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A friendship, what are you talking about?

316
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Now, she hands the paper to me,

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she emails it to me and says,

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this is the way the relationship is going to go.

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And I'm looking at it,

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it was called the five levels of a relationship.

321
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And I'm looking at it and I'm already at phase three.

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And she's like, we have become acquaintances

323
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and we won't get to be friends

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until we get through acquaintances.

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And she said, you know, this could last six weeks

326
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or it could be six months to get through the acquaintance.

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So she gave me the parameters

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of the relationship right up front.

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And then not only that,

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after we went through the five levels of a friendship

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or five levels of a relationship,

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we went through Simbus.

333
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And that was, you know, key to my part work

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was the men of merge,

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the five levels of the relationship,

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and then the Simbus.

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You want to talk more, Amanda?

338
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Oh, and then, okay.

339
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Well, you know, this was the right time.

340
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You know, I see three or four other guys on here.

341
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You know, I had to look in the mirror

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and look at what the problem was

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and what my dating life was like in my marriage.

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And the problem was looking back at me.

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And I actually had to eat a big piece of humble pie.

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Not that I was really, really arrogant,

347
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but the same problem kept on focusing, showing up.

348
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And what was the one thing that was always there?

349
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Me.

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And I went to see a counselor, a therapist,

351
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for about three or four months that I would share.

352
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And the thing that she really helped me with the most,

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and Stacey did too at this time,

354
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was that a lot of my problems

355
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were that I didn't use my voice.

356
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I allowed a lot of my stuff

357
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to be just swept under the carpet and not address it.

358
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Because I always assumed and felt

359
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that if there's a elevated voice or a disagreement,

360
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that it's over, this is over.

361
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And, you know, pack my bags and close up the shop.

362
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.480
this is over, there's no point in going any further.

363
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And Amanda, the woman that I went to see,

364
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she really helped me come up with the knowledge

365
00:25:10.280 --> 00:25:13.000
and you do have a voice,

366
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and you also need to set boundaries.

367
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And those were two things that I had never done in my life,

368
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use my voice or set boundaries.

369
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And then for me, for the two things

370
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that probably have prepared me was,

371
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I was always around really good marriages.

372
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You know, my sister and my brother-in-law

373
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had a good marriage.

374
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I saw, I mean, I could name at least probably 10 couples

375
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where I was around really good marriages.

376
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And so I learned that, you know,

377
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I learned about not exposing your husband,

378
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not talking about him badly,

379
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not gossiping, things like that,

380
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and to really, you know, to honor and submit and serve.

381
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So I really learned how to do that.

382
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And also I learned that,

383
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I learned that triggers don't mean

384
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:18.680
that it's the other person's fault.

385
00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:21.800
It just means that it is something

386
00:26:21.800 --> 00:26:24.760
that I need to, you know, get over that hump.

387
00:26:24.760 --> 00:26:26.920
I mean, we had a trigger today.

388
00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:29.280
So this morning we went and worked out, we work out,

389
00:26:29.280 --> 00:26:31.200
that's one of the things we love to do is work out.

390
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:34.560
So we worked out and as we were working out,

391
00:26:34.560 --> 00:26:37.800
I like bumped my shin on this piece of metal

392
00:26:37.800 --> 00:26:39.280
and Clayton really didn't see it.

393
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And so, you know, Clayton is, you know,

394
00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:45.280
world-class power lifter, all of those things.

395
00:26:45.280 --> 00:26:48.480
And so he's like, you know, and he does this,

396
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:51.200
we do this when we're lifting weights, like suck it up,

397
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:53.280
come on, push through, let's do it.

398
00:26:53.280 --> 00:26:56.240
And I realized that it triggered me.

399
00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:59.160
And so then I, after we did this one exercise,

400
00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:01.800
I pulled him aside and I said, I just wanna let you know,

401
00:27:01.800 --> 00:27:03.880
this was a trigger and this is why.

402
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:08.880
And I went through it and he apologized to me

403
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:10.440
and not because of the trigger,

404
00:27:10.440 --> 00:27:12.760
but because of, you know, what he said

405
00:27:12.760 --> 00:27:14.440
and it wasn't this big thing.

406
00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:16.360
And so I think one of the biggest things

407
00:27:16.360 --> 00:27:19.080
that I've learned is short accounts,

408
00:27:19.080 --> 00:27:22.960
like let's not wait until three weeks have gone by

409
00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.080
and then talk about it.

410
00:27:24.080 --> 00:27:24.920
Let's talk about it.

411
00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:27.160
And it doesn't have to be this big blow out.

412
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:28.960
It was like, hey, come over here,

413
00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:30.960
let's talk about this for a minute.

414
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:34.240
You know, this is how I felt.

415
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.760
This doesn't have, this was a trigger

416
00:27:36.760 --> 00:27:39.360
and I'm gonna explain what the trigger was.

417
00:27:39.360 --> 00:27:42.040
And moving forward, when we're training

418
00:27:42.040 --> 00:27:45.560
and I tell you that I am hurt, you need to trust.

419
00:27:45.560 --> 00:27:47.560
If I'm telling, you need to trust me.

420
00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:49.920
If I'm saying I can't do the next thing,

421
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:51.760
you need to trust me.

422
00:27:51.760 --> 00:27:55.000
You have been with me in the gym now for over a year.

423
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:56.680
You know that I'm strong.

424
00:27:56.680 --> 00:27:59.320
You know that I push through and you know that I work hard.

425
00:27:59.320 --> 00:28:01.040
So if I'm not doing something,

426
00:28:01.040 --> 00:28:04.800
it's because there's something genuinely wrong.

427
00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:08.240
And that short accounts has helped me in life.

428
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:09.680
So it's not just the Clayton,

429
00:28:10.560 --> 00:28:13.880
but it really helps because it's a short account.

430
00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:17.280
We have the conversation, we repair,

431
00:28:17.280 --> 00:28:20.200
and then we can recover quickly.

432
00:28:20.200 --> 00:28:22.280
And now y'all, we've only been married for two months.

433
00:28:22.280 --> 00:28:25.120
So we don't know everything, but you know what?

434
00:28:25.120 --> 00:28:28.800
That pattern works well for us.

435
00:28:28.800 --> 00:28:30.920
It's so true, Stacey.

436
00:28:30.920 --> 00:28:32.200
I appreciate you sharing that

437
00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.880
and just the vulnerability of like,

438
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:35.600
hey, this just happened today

439
00:28:35.600 --> 00:28:37.040
and this is how it happened.

440
00:28:37.040 --> 00:28:39.720
And, you know, Brian and I were working through something

441
00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:41.760
last night and this morning as well.

442
00:28:41.760 --> 00:28:46.360
The reality is that you said it really, really well.

443
00:28:46.360 --> 00:28:49.480
Triggers don't mean it's the other person's fault.

444
00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:52.320
Sometimes there's something that someone said to us

445
00:28:53.280 --> 00:28:55.200
10 years ago, 20 years ago,

446
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:58.520
something that again, it may have already been healed.

447
00:28:58.520 --> 00:29:00.840
But if you all remember when you go through the hard work,

448
00:29:00.840 --> 00:29:02.280
for those of you that have gone

449
00:29:02.280 --> 00:29:03.560
through the hard work with me,

450
00:29:03.560 --> 00:29:05.840
I talk a lot about peeking under the hood.

451
00:29:05.840 --> 00:29:08.400
Like when God brings us back to something

452
00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:10.280
that we have already processed before,

453
00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:12.280
but it's coming up again,

454
00:29:12.280 --> 00:29:15.080
it's because he wants to reveal another layer

455
00:29:15.080 --> 00:29:16.320
of that thing to us.

456
00:29:16.320 --> 00:29:18.320
So it's important for us to just,

457
00:29:18.320 --> 00:29:20.240
we don't have to go all the way back

458
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:21.760
through everything necessarily,

459
00:29:21.760 --> 00:29:25.440
but we need to pause and just take a peek up under that hood

460
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:29.800
and say, okay, Lord, I'm seeing this thing come up again.

461
00:29:29.800 --> 00:29:31.400
What is it that you're trying to show me?

462
00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:35.480
What new information, what new layer of healing do I need?

463
00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:38.920
You remember God is a God of upgrade and revelation.

464
00:29:38.920 --> 00:29:43.520
And so he uses our spouses to lead us into the fullness

465
00:29:43.520 --> 00:29:46.280
of who he originally created us to be, you know,

466
00:29:46.280 --> 00:29:47.320
and they're a part of that

467
00:29:47.320 --> 00:29:48.640
and can be a part of that process.

468
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:51.160
And even when, I'm gonna come right back

469
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:53.200
to something else Clayton and Stacey said,

470
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:56.240
but one of the things I forgot to mention that Brian,

471
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:59.920
Megan and Brian, this Brian mentioned tonight.

472
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:14.400
Um, was he said, every person is a part of the journey, or he said something like that, like every person we meet, and even people that it doesn't work out with you all, if we will start to just embrace, okay, this didn't work out.

473
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:26.120
And for those of you that, you know, hey, you were just talking to someone on, you know, dating app, maybe you started thinking, oh, this is someone good, it didn't work out, maybe some of you were dating for months, and it didn't work out.

474
00:30:26.120 --> 00:30:47.200
I just want to encourage you. If that is not your person, you are one step closer to the person that will be a better fit for you. And I know it's so hard when we go through those things. But I am so grateful, even myself, that there were people that I dated that God used them to help me heal and have confidence that they were good men.

475
00:30:47.200 --> 00:31:16.960
Some people I learned like, okay, that's a flag, and I'm recognizing it and I'm not blowing past it. You know, we start to see what we've learned how we've grown. And God will allow us to see those things if we're willing. And so I'm so grateful for that. I did want to ask two things, two little things, I think, when Clayton, when you shared, um, that you learned that you weren't using your voice, and that you just

476
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:45.720
because it's good for the ladies to hear from the guys, too. So I'm not not that I'm not going to have the ladies share. But I think this is super helpful for everyone. And for our guys to hear from success story, guys. And my question is, two things. When you say you weren't using your voice, can you expand on that a little more? Like, like, what did God show you? Like, how were you not using your voice? And how did God teach you to start using your voice, even if that's still in process?

477
00:31:45.920 --> 00:32:00.160
And then my second question is, and you don't have to share all the boundaries. But what is like one boundary that you like God was leading you to start setting boundaries in a certain area that helped you step into a healthy relationship?

478
00:32:00.160 --> 00:32:27.520
Um, that one answer for for both of them is the word no. You know, and and I, I constantly felt like I was always having to go be the hero. That I had all the time, all the time in the world to go do what I needed to do, rather than focus on on me.

479
00:32:27.520 --> 00:32:49.840
So I spent a lifetime of racing, racing around the world to take care of problems. And I never learned that I could say no. Or that I had an opinion. And that if if my opinion didn't resonate with the other person, that's fine.

480
00:32:49.840 --> 00:33:17.360
You know, you have an opinion, too. But I would give in, of avoiding a, you know, a confrontation, argument, a conversation, just simply because I was afraid to use my voice. And that's an ongoing process of, you know, sharing my opinion. And I'm not saying being opinionated. I'm saying, share my opinion.

481
00:33:18.320 --> 00:33:21.840
And then also learning when to say stop.

482
00:33:21.840 --> 00:33:46.400
You know, a quick little story about not using my voice. When, when Stacy and I were dating, and most of the guys you may, you may, this may resonate with you, um, I always thought that I was going to defend Stacy by fighting off lions, bears, and gangs. That's how I thought I was going to defend her.

483
00:33:46.480 --> 00:34:06.800
I did not realize that I was going to have to defend her emotionally from the people who meant the most to me, because they were going to say something that possibly might offend her. I never, I never imagined that I was going to have to protect the one I loved from the ones that I loved.

484
00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:30.800
And that was very difficult to learn, learn that, you know what, okay, there are, there are no lions and tigers and bears running around in the neighborhood, and there are no gang fights going on where we live at. It's, it's the people who I love and socialize with that I've got to protect me and her from. So it's learning to say no and learning that I have a voice.

485
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:31.520
So good. This is so true as well, man. Brian has had to protect me from people in the church, you know, more than anybody. Um, and so such a great piece to bring up. We might circle back to that in a little bit, depending on time. Um, so thank you so much for sharing all of that with us. So appreciate you all Megan and Brian. So we're talking about, uh, just want to circle back. So what is

486
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.540
one or two things that you all learned

487
00:35:02.540 --> 00:35:03.620
in your heart healing journey

488
00:35:03.620 --> 00:35:06.060
that you think would be helpful to share tonight?

489
00:35:08.160 --> 00:35:10.720
So for me, so with last year's single,

490
00:35:10.720 --> 00:35:12.240
that was the first time I was ever exposed

491
00:35:12.240 --> 00:35:13.960
to attachment styles.

492
00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:17.860
And when I first took the test, I had,

493
00:35:18.780 --> 00:35:20.140
I think it was called disorganized attachment

494
00:35:20.140 --> 00:35:22.020
where it was like, it would fluctuate

495
00:35:22.020 --> 00:35:23.840
between anxious and avoidant.

496
00:35:25.140 --> 00:35:28.020
So I think that, and like after we started dating too,

497
00:35:28.020 --> 00:35:30.220
like we read a book about attachment styles together

498
00:35:30.220 --> 00:35:32.940
and like he was testing avoidant in the beginning.

499
00:35:32.940 --> 00:35:36.500
And we now both, anytime we take it,

500
00:35:36.500 --> 00:35:37.600
we've probably taken it too many times.

501
00:35:37.600 --> 00:35:38.440
I don't know how many times

502
00:35:38.440 --> 00:35:39.460
you're actually supposed to take it,

503
00:35:39.460 --> 00:35:42.460
but we now both test secure.

504
00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:46.220
And that's really through like doing the hard work,

505
00:35:46.220 --> 00:35:49.180
healing those parts that weren't able to trust

506
00:35:49.180 --> 00:35:51.300
or were trusting the wrong people or too quickly.

507
00:35:51.300 --> 00:35:55.980
And really learning, I think like the coaches

508
00:35:55.980 --> 00:35:58.140
being able to say like, that's a green flag

509
00:35:58.140 --> 00:35:59.060
or that's a red flag.

510
00:35:59.060 --> 00:36:03.300
Because when you're in that disorganized type of state,

511
00:36:03.300 --> 00:36:04.620
it's hard to recognize.

512
00:36:04.620 --> 00:36:09.620
Like I remember a situation early on in our relationship

513
00:36:10.020 --> 00:36:12.020
where I thought it was a massive red flag

514
00:36:12.020 --> 00:36:14.820
and was thinking of breaking it off.

515
00:36:14.820 --> 00:36:19.380
And because, so he's like a high introvert

516
00:36:19.380 --> 00:36:21.800
and I'm more of an extrovert.

517
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:23.620
And he's with people all week long.

518
00:36:23.740 --> 00:36:26.060
He's a physical therapist in our houses.

519
00:36:26.060 --> 00:36:29.100
So high people job, introvert energy.

520
00:36:29.100 --> 00:36:31.180
He was getting ready for vacation

521
00:36:31.180 --> 00:36:33.460
and we normally hung out on Saturdays.

522
00:36:33.460 --> 00:36:35.460
And he's like, I'm sorry, he's like this Saturday,

523
00:36:35.460 --> 00:36:36.460
I'm just like worn out.

524
00:36:36.460 --> 00:36:37.740
I don't think I can hang out.

525
00:36:37.740 --> 00:36:39.620
And I was like, he hates me.

526
00:36:39.620 --> 00:36:42.020
If he doesn't want to see me before vacation,

527
00:36:42.020 --> 00:36:44.700
clearly he's not that interested.

528
00:36:44.700 --> 00:36:46.620
Like that's a red flag.

529
00:36:46.620 --> 00:36:48.420
I just remember Jackie being like,

530
00:36:48.420 --> 00:36:51.220
okay, the red flag in this situation is you.

531
00:36:51.220 --> 00:36:55.340
And he's like, not, he's like communicated a need.

532
00:36:55.340 --> 00:36:57.540
He's communicated a boundary.

533
00:36:57.540 --> 00:37:01.180
She's like, if he was doing this every weekend,

534
00:37:01.180 --> 00:37:03.340
like that would be a situation.

535
00:37:03.340 --> 00:37:05.540
That would be something we would look into.

536
00:37:05.540 --> 00:37:07.300
But the fact that he's clearly communicating,

537
00:37:07.300 --> 00:37:08.820
like I don't have the energy.

538
00:37:08.820 --> 00:37:09.820
I can't do it this weekend.

539
00:37:09.820 --> 00:37:12.280
Like he's clearly communicating what he needs.

540
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:14.780
And then when I left him alone for just a couple hours,

541
00:37:14.780 --> 00:37:16.420
it was like on a Thursday,

542
00:37:16.420 --> 00:37:18.780
he left a voicemail later that day that was like,

543
00:37:18.780 --> 00:37:19.620
I don't know what I was thinking.

544
00:37:19.780 --> 00:37:21.260
I have to see you before I leave.

545
00:37:21.260 --> 00:37:22.100
And all this stuff.

546
00:37:22.100 --> 00:37:23.060
So we ended up hanging out that Saturday.

547
00:37:23.060 --> 00:37:26.340
And I was like, if I would have not had,

548
00:37:26.340 --> 00:37:28.300
you know, beautiful guidance and coaching,

549
00:37:28.300 --> 00:37:29.820
I probably would have flipped out on him,

550
00:37:29.820 --> 00:37:31.660
which could have ended the relationship

551
00:37:31.660 --> 00:37:32.900
because it would not have been respected.

552
00:37:32.900 --> 00:37:36.220
And in the end, you know, I got to see him that day anyways.

553
00:37:38.820 --> 00:37:40.980
Yeah. And I think to add to that,

554
00:37:40.980 --> 00:37:42.740
and then what Clayton was alluding to this a little bit,

555
00:37:42.740 --> 00:37:44.180
I think it's just communicating,

556
00:37:44.180 --> 00:37:46.820
I'll say it again, just like your needs.

557
00:37:46.820 --> 00:37:48.500
And I think in dating and relationships,

558
00:37:48.500 --> 00:37:52.820
I wasn't really clear and what works for each of you

559
00:37:52.820 --> 00:37:54.900
to relax, to recharge.

560
00:37:54.900 --> 00:37:56.020
It's important because again,

561
00:37:56.020 --> 00:37:57.140
I think when you go into marriage,

562
00:37:57.140 --> 00:37:58.060
like it's the same thing.

563
00:37:58.060 --> 00:38:01.180
Like very similar situations happen

564
00:38:01.180 --> 00:38:02.740
where like she wants to socialize.

565
00:38:02.740 --> 00:38:05.860
And I know certain weeks I'll say,

566
00:38:05.860 --> 00:38:09.100
hey, like this weekend is going to be my rest week.

567
00:38:09.100 --> 00:38:11.900
And if you want to plan something, that's fine.

568
00:38:11.900 --> 00:38:14.180
But I'm letting you know that I'm not planning

569
00:38:14.180 --> 00:38:15.020
to do anything this one.

570
00:38:15.020 --> 00:38:17.540
But if you want to do a social event later this month,

571
00:38:17.540 --> 00:38:19.260
then we can pick a different day.

572
00:38:19.260 --> 00:38:21.340
And it took me a while to learn that

573
00:38:21.340 --> 00:38:23.220
because again, you're meeting each other's needs.

574
00:38:23.220 --> 00:38:24.980
So, hey, maybe one weekend is off,

575
00:38:24.980 --> 00:38:26.660
one week could be a social event.

576
00:38:27.620 --> 00:38:30.540
And I think just really learning your needs

577
00:38:30.540 --> 00:38:32.500
is I think is really important.

578
00:38:32.500 --> 00:38:36.740
And I wasn't really clear about that until just over time

579
00:38:36.740 --> 00:38:39.420
and really just learning that and healing.

580
00:38:39.420 --> 00:38:42.340
And I think over time as each of your individual journey

581
00:38:42.340 --> 00:38:46.060
with God, I just learned that your partner

582
00:38:46.060 --> 00:38:50.820
doesn't place the role of God, that's not their job.

583
00:38:50.820 --> 00:38:53.180
You have to have your own relationship with God

584
00:38:54.420 --> 00:38:57.700
and your partner is going to fail, you're going to fail.

585
00:38:57.700 --> 00:39:00.220
And you got to learn to forgive each other a lot.

586
00:39:01.180 --> 00:39:04.940
You guys will get upset about a little something

587
00:39:04.940 --> 00:39:06.620
not put away.

588
00:39:06.620 --> 00:39:08.180
You might be triggered by this.

589
00:39:09.220 --> 00:39:10.340
You might have a hard day

590
00:39:10.340 --> 00:39:12.540
and you might take it on out on your partner,

591
00:39:12.700 --> 00:39:15.660
especially the people closest to us, things happen.

592
00:39:16.860 --> 00:39:18.900
And I think just learning to know that,

593
00:39:18.900 --> 00:39:20.580
hey, we're on the same team.

594
00:39:20.580 --> 00:39:23.100
God has a bigger purpose when we're together.

595
00:39:23.100 --> 00:39:25.260
And I think that's what I see in marriages.

596
00:39:25.260 --> 00:39:27.540
I think there's a bigger purpose when we're together

597
00:39:27.540 --> 00:39:30.860
and I enjoy the journey when you're with the right person

598
00:39:30.860 --> 00:39:32.580
that's going to help support you.

599
00:39:32.580 --> 00:39:35.940
And of course, yeah, there's going to be days that are tough.

600
00:39:35.940 --> 00:39:36.860
That's the beauty of grace.

601
00:39:36.860 --> 00:39:40.940
You get to just do it again

602
00:39:41.540 --> 00:39:44.660
and have God just center you again.

603
00:39:45.860 --> 00:39:47.740
And so that's something that I've learned a lot

604
00:39:47.740 --> 00:39:49.060
in the healing journey.

605
00:39:49.060 --> 00:39:52.940
Yeah, and I think too, just learning how nice

606
00:39:52.940 --> 00:39:56.740
like being complimentary opposites on certain things can be.

607
00:39:56.740 --> 00:39:59.580
Like for me, I was living in Manhattan when we met.

608
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.040
I was living with that Manhattan energy where it was like, go, go, go over books like, okay,

609
00:40:05.040 --> 00:40:08.040
I'm going to this person's birthday party, this person's baby shower, then this person's

610
00:40:08.040 --> 00:40:11.040
wedding all on the same day and things like that.

611
00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:12.680
Brian was on the other extreme.

612
00:40:12.680 --> 00:40:16.760
And now we're like somewhere in the middle where there's like a lot more rest, you know,

613
00:40:16.760 --> 00:40:19.200
in my life, which has been, it has been good.

614
00:40:19.200 --> 00:40:23.840
He I think has more community and more social than he has, you know, we met somewhere in

615
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:24.960
the middle.

616
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:27.160
And I think that was healthy for both of us.

617
00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:32.320
Like I've learned so much about margin and like how you need to build space, like, like

618
00:40:32.320 --> 00:40:33.320
I was so overbooked.

619
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:34.320
They like, you can't be late.

620
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:35.840
It doesn't leave room for anything to go wrong.

621
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:39.520
Like now I was like, it's not always a big deal if I get stuck in traffic because he

622
00:40:39.520 --> 00:40:43.520
made sure I only booked one activity that day and I left, you know, double the time

623
00:40:43.520 --> 00:40:47.880
it would actually take to get there.

624
00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:53.080
And that kind of plays into to like so many of the people that come into this program

625
00:40:53.080 --> 00:40:58.880
say they want to meet someone, but then tell us they don't have any time to date y'all.

626
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.880
That doesn't mix.

627
00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:05.200
So if you really want to meet someone, you're going to have to figure out how to make some

628
00:41:05.200 --> 00:41:11.160
white space in your calendar and make your spirit mate and that journey towards them

629
00:41:11.160 --> 00:41:14.960
a priority because you can't just keep saying, I don't have time.

630
00:41:14.960 --> 00:41:15.960
I don't have time.

631
00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:22.560
Now, if you're worn out and God is, is leading you to rest and take a Sabbath from dating.

632
00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:25.400
That's a different, that's a different story, right?

633
00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:30.400
And so I just think that was such an important just thing to put in there because I hear

634
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:31.780
that so much.

635
00:41:31.780 --> 00:41:36.240
And then as Megan saying, also, you know, your seasons change where you live, what you're

636
00:41:36.240 --> 00:41:43.000
doing and that, you know, even the, the balance, it sounds like that Brian brings to Megan

637
00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:47.800
and you guys really talking through and setting healthy boundaries so that you can rest when

638
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:49.920
you need to.

639
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:51.760
And that can look different for everyone.

640
00:41:51.760 --> 00:41:56.880
That kind of similar thing shows up regarding a ministry for us.

641
00:41:56.880 --> 00:42:02.520
My, my husband is a massive visionary and he's actually pretty similar, not exactly

642
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:07.480
like Jackie Dorman, but very similar, a lot of vision, a lot of ideas.

643
00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:12.240
And so that's one of the things we've had to learn how to really balance.

644
00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:17.440
Because I, I'm a visionary too, but I tend to be the person now that's like, Hey, I don't

645
00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.420
think we need to add that.

646
00:42:19.420 --> 00:42:21.080
That's a great idea.

647
00:42:21.080 --> 00:42:23.640
Let's tuck that away for like five years from now.

648
00:42:23.640 --> 00:42:28.320
I don't know, you know, so not that it's always five years from now, some of the people are

649
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:33.240
laughing so y'all can resonate, I guess, but you know, those are the kinds of conversations

650
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:35.800
you'll have and will need to have.

651
00:42:35.800 --> 00:42:43.960
And so again, growing in your identity in Christ, your identity as who are you before

652
00:42:43.960 --> 00:42:50.440
you meet your spirit mate and heal, know how to use your voice, know how to set good boundaries

653
00:42:50.440 --> 00:42:51.440
is really important.

654
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:53.440
So if you don't know, here's another thing.

655
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:58.760
If you don't know what your hobbies are and what you actually like y'all, that's step

656
00:42:58.760 --> 00:43:00.480
one.

657
00:43:00.480 --> 00:43:05.980
You need to know what you like, who you are, because if you don't, and you meet someone

658
00:43:05.980 --> 00:43:12.840
most of the time, you will allow that person's life to absorb your whole entire being.

659
00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:16.160
So get to know who you are, know what you love to do.

660
00:43:16.160 --> 00:43:20.400
And then that's something you can share with the person that you meet and bring them into

661
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:22.360
your world and you go into theirs.

662
00:43:22.360 --> 00:43:23.360
Right.

663
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:24.360
All right.

664
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:30.880
So my next question is, I'm going to ask Brian and Megan another question, if it's okay.

665
00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:35.800
When we led you all through this Symbus, I know one of the conversations that we had

666
00:43:35.800 --> 00:43:39.760
was around church and selecting a church.

667
00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:46.320
So if, again, no pressure, if you're comfortable to share kind of where you all were at when

668
00:43:46.520 --> 00:43:50.800
we were going through Symbus and like, where did God lead you from there?

669
00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:55.920
So many people will benefit from this conversation, whatever y'all feel comfortable to share.

670
00:43:55.920 --> 00:43:56.920
Yep.

671
00:43:56.920 --> 00:44:02.000
So I will say we've made progress on that journey since the Symbus conversation.

672
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:04.280
I don't know if we've fully arrived.

673
00:44:04.280 --> 00:44:05.280
That's all right.

674
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:09.640
But at the time, you know, that we got married, we were going to vary, when we went through

675
00:44:09.640 --> 00:44:12.280
Symbus, we were going to very different churches.

676
00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:16.320
I was going to a charismatic, you know, church in Manhattan.

677
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:21.840
He was going to a Spanish Catholic church in New Jersey.

678
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:26.120
And we were trying to figure out, you know, how, how will this work for us?

679
00:44:26.120 --> 00:44:30.120
And that almost Symbus, like that was one where we were like, are we even going to pursue

680
00:44:30.120 --> 00:44:31.120
this relationship?

681
00:44:31.120 --> 00:44:32.120
Or are we going to back up?

682
00:44:32.120 --> 00:44:35.520
Because we're like, we don't yet know the answer as to like, where are we going to go

683
00:44:35.520 --> 00:44:36.520
to church?

684
00:44:36.520 --> 00:44:41.440
And even like, okay, how important is it that we go to the same church and trying to work

685
00:44:41.600 --> 00:44:47.200
through some of that stuff for the, we just moved into our house like two months ago.

686
00:44:47.200 --> 00:44:51.720
But before that, we, I sold my apartment in Manhattan and we were living with his parents

687
00:44:51.720 --> 00:44:53.400
for a while.

688
00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:57.480
And for the past, like the eight months or so we were there, it was a little bit of an

689
00:44:57.480 --> 00:45:00.000
untraditional way we did it.

690
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.440
it like some weeks we would both go together to the church in Manhattan.

691
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:07.640
Some weeks we would go to the Spanish Catholic church.

692
00:45:07.640 --> 00:45:09.720
I'm working really hard on my Spanish.

693
00:45:10.120 --> 00:45:12.560
I still, I was picking out words here and there.

694
00:45:12.560 --> 00:45:16.200
I don't know if I fully got any of the messages yet, but, but it did, it

695
00:45:16.200 --> 00:45:17.920
was a pretty helpful for my Spanish.

696
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:23.120
And then what we started to do more recently is we kind of found, I don't

697
00:45:23.120 --> 00:45:25.960
call it like a compromise church, but we found a place that's like

698
00:45:25.960 --> 00:45:28.240
10 minutes from our house right now.

699
00:45:29.080 --> 00:45:34.000
So now we're kind of going there several Sundays a month and still, we're still

700
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:37.960
involved in a Bible study that actually is a New Jersey from my Manhattan church.

701
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:44.000
And then occasionally still going to the Spanish mass, but we're more often now

702
00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:47.760
just going together to this, this other church we found, and that's kind of

703
00:45:47.760 --> 00:45:51.200
where in Simbis we were talking about, like the answer might be neither of our

704
00:45:51.200 --> 00:45:56.640
churches or like we find something different and my pastors, even when we

705
00:45:56.640 --> 00:46:00.400
were first dealing with this in Simbis, they were like, you marry a person, not a

706
00:46:00.400 --> 00:46:01.000
church.

707
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:02.080
Yeah.

708
00:46:02.080 --> 00:46:04.320
And they're like, well, your family, no matter what.

709
00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:08.200
So they're like, we want you to be at church with your husband.

710
00:46:08.400 --> 00:46:11.840
So whether it's our church or it's another church, like, I think it's more

711
00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:14.920
important that you guys are growing spiritually together than that you

712
00:46:14.920 --> 00:46:16.480
remain at our specific church.

713
00:46:16.680 --> 00:46:17.200
And that was hard.

714
00:46:17.200 --> 00:46:18.360
Cause I've been there for like 12 years.

715
00:46:18.360 --> 00:46:20.840
I used to live with my pastors for even a period of time.

716
00:46:21.040 --> 00:46:26.000
Like I, they, you know, were in our family, um, but they've, you know,

717
00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:30.040
stayed connected and are really like, even like mentors to us now.

718
00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:34.880
Um, so I've realized we, and I see a comment there too, that is a very

719
00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:37.480
mature church that can say that to a person I've seen them to do this to

720
00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:41.000
other people, like really, like they celebrate and honor and bless people.

721
00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:43.600
Like even when they feel like God's calling them to another place.

722
00:46:43.600 --> 00:46:47.720
And I would agree that's rare, but it's, you know, a beautiful,

723
00:46:47.960 --> 00:46:49.000
important way for it to be.

724
00:46:51.200 --> 00:46:51.440
Yeah.

725
00:46:51.440 --> 00:46:52.440
And I want to share too.

726
00:46:52.880 --> 00:46:53.080
Yeah.

727
00:46:53.080 --> 00:46:53.440
Thanks.

728
00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:57.760
Um, yeah, I think for a lot of us, um, you know, that could be a big situation.

729
00:46:58.120 --> 00:47:00.000
Um, right away you might, Oh, two different churches.

730
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:00.720
That's a red flag.

731
00:47:01.240 --> 00:47:07.360
Um, yeah, I mean, I think, I don't think, I think we sometimes go in

732
00:47:07.560 --> 00:47:10.120
thinking we need to get all the answers and I mean, you're not

733
00:47:10.120 --> 00:47:11.240
going to have all the answers.

734
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:14.840
Um, some of the stuff you'll just learn through marriage, um, and

735
00:47:14.840 --> 00:47:16.120
just, and just no right or wrong.

736
00:47:16.120 --> 00:47:19.000
And I think it also shows like how open you are.

737
00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:22.240
And I think that's one of the things I love about Megan is how open she's been.

738
00:47:22.320 --> 00:47:25.840
Um, and I think it also depends, shows your partner because this is the

739
00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:26.880
person you're going to live with.

740
00:47:27.200 --> 00:47:29.920
Um, and you're going to do life with, if they, you start seeing some of these

741
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:32.160
things, that's the red flag that they're close-minded.

742
00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:37.640
Um, but again, if your church really, you know, uh, really such a big thing,

743
00:47:37.680 --> 00:47:38.960
you know, that's a different discussion.

744
00:47:39.440 --> 00:47:44.000
Um, but I think dealing with it, um, you're like, yeah, there's sometimes

745
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:48.040
like going to the city, like, Hey, like maybe this Sunday we blocked the whole

746
00:47:48.080 --> 00:47:49.760
day because I rested Saturday.

747
00:47:50.200 --> 00:47:52.040
See, it's like, see how it plays a role now.

748
00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:53.800
Well, I've rested this Saturday.

749
00:47:53.960 --> 00:47:56.800
Let's go on Sunday because typically those Sundays in the city are more of a

750
00:47:56.800 --> 00:48:00.680
full day type of thing and hanging around with a lot of people.

751
00:48:01.160 --> 00:48:06.120
Um, and then, uh, yeah, we've gone to a different church, which is allows us

752
00:48:06.120 --> 00:48:08.120
like, Hey, we had a late, late Saturday.

753
00:48:08.120 --> 00:48:11.520
We want to sleep in, but at least we can go to like the 1130 service.

754
00:48:12.040 --> 00:48:16.280
Um, and sometimes, um, with the Spanish mass, like over time, over the last

755
00:48:16.280 --> 00:48:20.320
several years, that's, you know, it just feels like one has penetrated a lot in my

756
00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:20.720
heart.

757
00:48:20.800 --> 00:48:24.760
Um, and again, your partner might be a little bit different.

758
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:30.040
Um, you know, Megan worships a lot in, in her specific way with music and singing.

759
00:48:30.480 --> 00:48:36.040
For me, uh, I connect a lot with my work, um, providing service to clients, helping

760
00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:40.560
them on their goals is feel like using the gift that I, that I've received doing

761
00:48:40.560 --> 00:48:43.080
manual therapy, doing exercise and health.

762
00:48:43.120 --> 00:48:49.640
So I think that's also important how you all, how you guys connect with God, but also

763
00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:52.520
seeing like how you can even blend, uh, like, Hey, okay.

764
00:48:52.520 --> 00:48:53.520
I'll like, I'll sing too.

765
00:48:53.520 --> 00:48:58.000
Like, I don't, I don't sing well, but I'll do it because, you know, you just get into

766
00:48:58.000 --> 00:48:59.600
it and it is important to her.

767
00:48:59.960 --> 00:49:02.920
Um, and we put, and we'll even start to put music in the house.

768
00:49:02.920 --> 00:49:06.000
So it's like being open to, to new experiences.

769
00:49:06.560 --> 00:49:09.000
Um, I think it's such an important, I think that's like the moral of the story.

770
00:49:09.040 --> 00:49:12.160
Um, you know, really just keep your, have an open mindset.

771
00:49:12.240 --> 00:49:16.480
Um, and if it's important to the person, just, that's like something might be

772
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:19.720
important to you, you would want the same thing in return, um, helping each other

773
00:49:19.720 --> 00:49:23.920
and also, uh, just learning a new aspect of, of getting closer to God.

774
00:49:24.040 --> 00:49:24.240
Yeah.

775
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:28.200
And just to layer on, I think that, you know, he said it, but like, that was a

776
00:49:28.200 --> 00:49:31.160
learning for me that like different people connect to God differently.

777
00:49:31.160 --> 00:49:36.480
And like, for me, I love like prolonged, like, you know, long worship sessions.

778
00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:40.640
And for him, like someone will ask this, they're like, so what was the message

779
00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:41.600
like this week at church?

780
00:49:41.800 --> 00:49:42.320
And then I'll be there.

781
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:46.840
And I was like, um, and then he'll be like, Oh, you know, it was similar to the

782
00:49:46.840 --> 00:49:50.320
one from like two years ago where he referenced this and that, and like, he

783
00:49:50.320 --> 00:49:54.320
just, he meditates on the word, he meditates on like the message to like,

784
00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:57.040
and it just, it compliments each other.

785
00:49:57.040 --> 00:49:59.560
Well, we're like, just seen again where God puts like different.

786
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.200
different strengths or things like that. And like, he makes me

787
00:50:02.200 --> 00:50:04.880
think and remember, like, Oh, yeah, that is something I need

788
00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:07.120
to keep in mind. And like this thing that happened later in the

789
00:50:07.120 --> 00:50:09.320
week connects to the message, you know, from Sunday.

790
00:50:09.800 --> 00:50:13.960
Yeah, it's so good. I love how you guys even put that in. And I

791
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:19.800
wanted to pull this out because there are so many people that

792
00:50:19.800 --> 00:50:26.120
are just like, my person has to go to my church. They have to

793
00:50:26.120 --> 00:50:29.440
worship God the way I do. They have to do devotions like I do.

794
00:50:29.440 --> 00:50:35.880
And you all I years ago, used to be in that camp, I did. And

795
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:40.160
I'm so grateful that God started leading me out of that before I

796
00:50:40.160 --> 00:50:46.720
even met my Brian, but even more so through meeting him. And when

797
00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:52.080
Megan was mentioning to like how much she's learned, because of

798
00:50:52.080 --> 00:50:57.240
the way Brian encounters God for himself, you all, you know, God

799
00:50:57.240 --> 00:51:00.080
wants to teach us something new about himself in the way that

800
00:51:00.080 --> 00:51:04.120
people connect with him. And how awesome of a gift if you get to

801
00:51:04.120 --> 00:51:07.000
see that through your spirit mate, it's really, really

802
00:51:07.000 --> 00:51:10.240
incredible. And so I just want to want to encourage those of

803
00:51:10.240 --> 00:51:15.440
you that have been close minded. And, you know, God can help you

804
00:51:15.440 --> 00:51:19.040
make connection with your spirit mate and grow closer to the

805
00:51:19.040 --> 00:51:22.880
Lord, and have a close relationship between yourself

806
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:26.880
and the Lord, and really allow God to guide you. And what I

807
00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:29.680
thought was so great about Megan and Brian's story when they went

808
00:51:29.680 --> 00:51:33.400
through Simbas, was that they were willing to ask the question

809
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:38.840
about like, hey, what do we do about this? And, you know, Brian,

810
00:51:38.840 --> 00:51:41.800
my Brian, and I just felt so honored to be the coaches during

811
00:51:41.800 --> 00:51:45.920
that time, because of how God led us when I met my husband, he

812
00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:50.480
was, you know, a minister in two little small churches, little

813
00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:55.600
awesome churches, but totally not anything, you all, like what

814
00:51:55.600 --> 00:52:01.600
I had been in church going to for years, and I wasn't quite

815
00:52:01.600 --> 00:52:07.480
sure. And I literally called Jackie and said, Hey, I don't

816
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:12.080
know, he's a pastor of this kind of denomination. That's, that is

817
00:52:12.080 --> 00:52:15.680
not anything like me. I don't know how this could ever work.

818
00:52:15.960 --> 00:52:19.120
And she just said this to me, she said, Bethany, just get to

819
00:52:19.120 --> 00:52:24.240
know him as a person. And that's what she said. And I'm so glad

820
00:52:24.240 --> 00:52:27.000
that I was teachable. And I listened to that coaching

821
00:52:27.000 --> 00:52:31.000
advice, because it changed my life. And my husband is an

822
00:52:31.000 --> 00:52:36.080
incredible person. He loves God. And I'm so excited to get to do,

823
00:52:36.360 --> 00:52:38.320
you know, kingdom ministry with him. And so I just wanted to

824
00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:41.480
pull that out. Clayton and Stacey, I'm not 100% sure you

825
00:52:41.480 --> 00:52:45.320
guys have anything you want to add to this conversation, or we

826
00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:48.360
can pull out something else from your all's personal story as

827
00:52:48.360 --> 00:52:48.760
well.

828
00:52:50.640 --> 00:52:54.040
No, I got something to add this very, I think very important

829
00:52:54.040 --> 00:52:59.080
and relevant to this. You know, when when I'll say dating, but

830
00:52:59.080 --> 00:53:01.760
when we were going through the five levels of a relationship,

831
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:07.800
Stacey and I lived four hours apart from each other. So I was

832
00:53:07.800 --> 00:53:12.960
coming down every week to see her. And we would have she would

833
00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:16.520
arrange the we you know, she knew that I wanted to come and

834
00:53:16.520 --> 00:53:19.760
see her on the weekend. But whenever I was an acquaintance

835
00:53:19.760 --> 00:53:26.000
and a friend, we weren't really attending church together. It

836
00:53:26.000 --> 00:53:29.560
was I would come down and we would plan our dates that, you

837
00:53:29.560 --> 00:53:33.640
know, on Saturday, our date was over with and I would drive drive

838
00:53:33.640 --> 00:53:38.280
my four hours back to Dallas. And that was the end of the end

839
00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:43.120
of what we did. But when we when we moved into phase three, or

840
00:53:43.120 --> 00:53:47.040
level three of a dating relationship, Stacey Stacey told

841
00:53:47.040 --> 00:53:52.760
me she said, you know, Clayton, um, if you're not comfortable

842
00:53:53.480 --> 00:53:57.720
with the church that we're going to, with the church that that

843
00:53:57.720 --> 00:54:01.160
she's going to that I'm going to, because I went to my church

844
00:54:01.160 --> 00:54:04.840
for 20 years, and she was she was involved in her church for

845
00:54:04.840 --> 00:54:10.080
16 plus 20 years, something of that nature. And she told me she

846
00:54:10.080 --> 00:54:15.640
said that, you know, if you're not being fed where we're going,

847
00:54:16.600 --> 00:54:21.880
I will follow you to the church that you want to go to. But you

848
00:54:21.880 --> 00:54:27.040
will lead me. You don't, you know, don't that is what I said,

849
00:54:27.040 --> 00:54:31.080
don't make a mistake, you will lead me. Yeah. And got really

850
00:54:31.080 --> 00:54:35.600
lucky. I really, you know, I made a comment earlier about it

851
00:54:35.600 --> 00:54:44.120
is a men's focused church. I was really welcomed and embraced. And

852
00:54:44.120 --> 00:54:48.880
it didn't take me long to get involved with becoming involved

853
00:54:48.880 --> 00:54:51.920
in the in the, you know, the church there by being an usher.

854
00:54:52.840 --> 00:54:57.840
And they're constantly having men's groups, men's conferences

855
00:54:57.840 --> 00:54:59.400
that are, you know,

856
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.500
Focused on marriage, marriage, men of how we lead.

857
00:55:05.140 --> 00:55:07.320
So it was a, it was an easy transition.

858
00:55:08.720 --> 00:55:09.540
This is so good.

859
00:55:09.540 --> 00:55:10.460
So, okay.

860
00:55:10.900 --> 00:55:12.900
Long distance relationship came up here.

861
00:55:13.020 --> 00:55:15.000
So let's, let's kind of shift to that.

862
00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:17.860
Stacy, tell me how did this work for you all?

863
00:55:17.860 --> 00:55:19.140
Cause people are going to want to know.

864
00:55:19.140 --> 00:55:23.260
I saw somebody saying, whoa, four hours, my Brian and I, we were three and a half

865
00:55:23.260 --> 00:55:25.200
to four hours apart from each other as well.

866
00:55:25.200 --> 00:55:27.000
And we, we just made it work.

867
00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:29.620
So how did you all, how did you all navigate that?

868
00:55:30.980 --> 00:55:32.100
I'm going to, okay.

869
00:55:32.100 --> 00:55:38.880
So I told Clayton on our second date, I told him, I just want to let you know,

870
00:55:38.880 --> 00:55:39.780
I'm not moving.

871
00:55:40.240 --> 00:55:41.720
I just got a promotion.

872
00:55:41.740 --> 00:55:43.500
I mean, and I didn't get a little promotion.

873
00:55:43.500 --> 00:55:49.240
I got a huge promotion at work and I'm like, I am 55 years old and I'm not going

874
00:55:49.240 --> 00:55:52.320
to go to Dallas and find another job.

875
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:54.040
And he's retired.

876
00:55:54.540 --> 00:55:58.660
You know, he still works and stuff, but he's retired, you know, pension and all

877
00:55:58.660 --> 00:55:59.180
that stuff.

878
00:55:59.660 --> 00:56:02.460
So the long distance, I'm going to be honest.

879
00:56:02.500 --> 00:56:08.820
I had it easy because Clayton is a, Clayton is a true man's man and a gentleman.

880
00:56:09.300 --> 00:56:10.900
And so I'll let him take it from here.

881
00:56:11.300 --> 00:56:11.540
Okay.

882
00:56:11.540 --> 00:56:14.620
I see something there that says, yes, distance is a challenge.

883
00:56:15.160 --> 00:56:16.020
No, it's not.

884
00:56:17.740 --> 00:56:22.340
Ladies, I'm going to tell you right now, and I've told, I've told Stacy this the

885
00:56:22.340 --> 00:56:26.940
whole time, if the man that you're dating is not willing to eat his arm out off to

886
00:56:27.380 --> 00:56:29.900
get to you, drop him.

887
00:56:32.100 --> 00:56:37.740
I took, I made sure that whenever Stacy and I were dating, that she never had to

888
00:56:37.740 --> 00:56:39.020
drive to come see me.

889
00:56:39.020 --> 00:56:41.420
I came to pick her up and take her back.

890
00:56:42.500 --> 00:56:44.300
I always drove down here.

891
00:56:44.940 --> 00:56:48.140
Uh, you know, got, got the hotel room for myself.

892
00:56:48.900 --> 00:56:53.660
Uh, never expected her to take care of what I needed to come down here.

893
00:56:54.420 --> 00:57:00.700
And we carried on life as if I, if I was her next door neighbor, because I never

894
00:57:00.700 --> 00:57:05.620
wanted to inconvenience her and it wouldn't have been an inconvenience, but

895
00:57:05.620 --> 00:57:09.100
I didn't want to put her into any kind of harm of being on the highway, four

896
00:57:09.100 --> 00:57:11.180
hours strung out from me.

897
00:57:12.060 --> 00:57:12.820
So.

898
00:57:14.460 --> 00:57:14.820
Okay.

899
00:57:14.860 --> 00:57:19.740
He literally, he literally came to me almost every weekend.

900
00:57:19.740 --> 00:57:26.180
I went and saw him maybe five times and he would come and pick me up and he would

901
00:57:26.180 --> 00:57:26.980
take me there.

902
00:57:27.180 --> 00:57:29.580
He would talk to my sister, my brother-in-law.

903
00:57:29.580 --> 00:57:31.580
Hey, I'm going to be taking Stacy.

904
00:57:31.740 --> 00:57:33.020
She'll have a separate bedroom.

905
00:57:33.020 --> 00:57:34.660
She'll have a separate bathroom.

906
00:57:34.980 --> 00:57:37.020
This is what we're doing this weekend.

907
00:57:37.380 --> 00:57:40.500
Um, if you, you know, you can call at any time.

908
00:57:40.820 --> 00:57:46.660
Um, and so Clayton did the work and he wasn't afraid to do the work and.

909
00:57:47.700 --> 00:57:49.220
Relationships are inconvenient.

910
00:57:50.220 --> 00:57:51.860
You know, marriage is inconvenient.

911
00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:57.060
And the other thing I want to say is yes, if you do want to be in a relationship,

912
00:57:57.300 --> 00:57:59.260
you need to make that a priority.

913
00:58:00.420 --> 00:58:04.260
You know, I mean, I am in, I was involved in a lot of things.

914
00:58:04.300 --> 00:58:05.700
You know, I was involved in church.

915
00:58:05.780 --> 00:58:08.540
I was involved in a women's nonprofit.

916
00:58:08.540 --> 00:58:09.780
I was involved in this.

917
00:58:10.100 --> 00:58:11.180
I have a family.

918
00:58:11.180 --> 00:58:12.540
I have nieces and nephews.

919
00:58:12.540 --> 00:58:14.140
I have great nieces and nephews.

920
00:58:14.380 --> 00:58:16.700
I could be doing something every night of the week.

921
00:58:17.260 --> 00:58:21.180
And I remember when Clayton and I were dating and I had my girlfriends, my good

922
00:58:21.180 --> 00:58:24.140
girlfriends, and they're like, Hey, we're all going to meet for lunch at this place.

923
00:58:24.420 --> 00:58:29.140
And I w and I was like, no, I want to spend time with my boyfriend.

924
00:58:29.180 --> 00:58:30.140
I'm not going.

925
00:58:31.820 --> 00:58:32.860
And that's okay.

926
00:58:34.060 --> 00:58:36.100
And so you have to carve out the time.

927
00:58:36.340 --> 00:58:39.220
I carved out time every weekend for Clayton.

928
00:58:39.420 --> 00:58:42.740
I mean, it wasn't very often that we didn't, it was like hardly ever

929
00:58:42.740 --> 00:58:43.780
that we didn't see each other.

930
00:58:43.980 --> 00:58:47.820
And let's let's say I was going out of town or I was, you know, like going to

931
00:58:47.820 --> 00:58:52.420
Wisconsin, he would pick me up from the airport when I got back from Wisconsin

932
00:58:52.700 --> 00:58:54.340
and then spend time with me.

933
00:58:54.380 --> 00:58:56.380
Or he would come, he would drive.

934
00:58:56.420 --> 00:58:58.180
He would take me to dinner and drive home.

935
00:59:00.500 --> 00:59:05.220
So yeah, the whole eat your arm off, you guys show your arm, baby.

936
00:59:06.900 --> 00:59:07.780
It is a thing.

937
00:59:07.780 --> 00:59:11.020
My Brian drove almost every time as well.

938
00:59:11.380 --> 00:59:15.940
I did drive out, um, you know, I'm, I'm pretty independent.

939
00:59:15.940 --> 00:59:20.340
So not that Stacy's not, but you know, because Brian was still working, he

940
00:59:20.340 --> 00:59:21.900
couldn't necessarily come pick me up.

941
00:59:21.900 --> 00:59:25.780
He probably would have, if I had asked him, but I did drive out to

942
00:59:25.780 --> 00:59:30.580
Indiana a couple times, um, when I went out, um, Brian stayed with

943
00:59:30.580 --> 00:59:32.740
his mother and he gave me his house.

944
00:59:33.140 --> 00:59:37.620
Um, one time I did have a friend, uh, that I wanted to meet him.

945
00:59:37.700 --> 00:59:39.580
She came and stayed at his house with me.

946
00:59:39.820 --> 00:59:42.060
And that time he did say this house, but he had the whole

947
00:59:42.060 --> 00:59:43.860
downstairs and we had the upstairs.

948
00:59:44.180 --> 00:59:50.020
And so, um, you know, it was a really chivalrous way of approaching things.

949
00:59:50.060 --> 00:59:54.260
And that was what Clayton and Stacy are talking about, um, as well.

950
00:59:54.260 --> 00:59:58.340
And, and ladies and gentlemen, this is important for y'all to be thinking about.

951
00:59:58.700 --> 01:00:00.060
Um, you know, what are some.

952
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.040
things that you can do in this next season, as Jackie's saying, as of today, we're starting the

953
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:10.400
next six months of like the last six months of the year. What are some things that you can do

954
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:18.720
to prepare to receive chivalrous behavior, ladies and gentlemen, to kind of up the game a little bit,

955
01:00:18.720 --> 01:00:23.360
you know, to go out of your way. I'm not saying you need to break the bank or anything, but like

956
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:28.720
what is something maybe that God wants you to continue to grow in that in the next season?

957
01:00:29.600 --> 01:00:33.680
And then the one thing I wanted to say, and then I'm going to come and ask you all the next

958
01:00:33.680 --> 01:00:39.040
question. I also just wanted to say, because I heard in my spirit as Clayton and Stacey were

959
01:00:39.040 --> 01:00:46.800
talking, and so I imagine that someone is thinking this, well, that's great for them, but I don't meet

960
01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:53.280
men like this. So if you are on this session and you had that thought, God sees you and he hears

961
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:58.320
you and he's telling me about it and he wants you to know it's because you're partnering with that,

962
01:00:58.320 --> 01:01:03.200
that that is what you're getting. I'm not saying you haven't encountered people that are not

963
01:01:03.200 --> 01:01:08.320
like healthy. I encountered people that weren't healthy even after I was healthier,

964
01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:14.480
but I was able to discern that, bless them and move on and just understand that everything in life,

965
01:01:14.480 --> 01:01:18.800
y'all even in church, you're going to encounter unhealthy people. So why would it be different

966
01:01:18.800 --> 01:01:24.640
in dating, right? So you just bless them, you move on and you keep going and expect that you're going

967
01:01:24.640 --> 01:01:29.360
to meet someone great. Before I would get on the apps, I literally would pray like, God, thank you

968
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:33.360
so much that you're going to send good people my way. You're going to help me to discern the people

969
01:01:33.360 --> 01:01:38.960
that aren't healthy and I'll just be able to move on and I won't lose time with them. I just prayed

970
01:01:38.960 --> 01:01:45.360
and had an expectant heart every encounter. And I will tell you, there were a couple guys that

971
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:51.600
they were just really amazing guys, but they weren't the guy for me. One guy didn't really

972
01:01:51.600 --> 01:01:57.120
know Jesus. He was attracted to Jesus and me, but that wasn't the kind of person I needed to

973
01:01:57.120 --> 01:02:01.920
be with because I needed to be with someone who was running the race in ministry because I know

974
01:02:01.920 --> 01:02:07.280
the calling of God in my life. And so anyways, I want to encourage y'all to really be open,

975
01:02:08.480 --> 01:02:13.360
surrender the pen, surrender the idea that you're not going to find someone like that.

976
01:02:13.360 --> 01:02:17.120
And if you still believe that you've got to get to the root of where that lie is coming from.

977
01:02:17.120 --> 01:02:24.240
All right. So my next question for the couples on that note, the list, our list and guys,

978
01:02:24.960 --> 01:02:29.840
I think both of you all would know a little bit about our list that we talk about in this

979
01:02:29.840 --> 01:02:38.000
community. So the never will I ever list for the ladies first, I'll go to Megan first and then go

980
01:02:38.000 --> 01:02:46.400
to Stacy. Okay. What was one or two things that you had to surrender the pen regarding that was

981
01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:52.960
on your list that you had to let go of so that you could be with Brian and Clayton?

982
01:02:55.440 --> 01:02:59.520
I'm trying to remember what was originally on the list because I think the list got

983
01:02:59.520 --> 01:03:11.760
pared down long before I met him through the program. So probably my earlier list was more

984
01:03:11.760 --> 01:03:19.760
like I was, I tend to be a bit of ambitious type A. And I think I was initially looking for

985
01:03:19.760 --> 01:03:23.600
somebody that had equal ambition. Like, I don't know if anyone knows the app, like the league,

986
01:03:25.520 --> 01:03:29.760
but it's like, it was basically the initial people I was seeing was like Wall Street guys

987
01:03:29.760 --> 01:03:34.080
and like things like that. And when I tell you, when you have two crazy ambitious career people

988
01:03:34.080 --> 01:03:39.200
trying to schedule a date was ridiculous. We'd be like, so seven Thursdays from now,

989
01:03:39.200 --> 01:03:46.720
I have an opening like for one hour. It was insane. But I think for me, I had to

990
01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:56.240
set aside some of those things. And to be honest, I can't imagine like two people that are like

991
01:03:56.240 --> 01:04:01.120
super, and now I'm a little bit like more balanced too. But in that place,

992
01:04:01.120 --> 01:04:05.440
like we probably would have driven each other crazy with those types of things.

993
01:04:09.200 --> 01:04:13.360
But like the list, when I pared it down and it was like, okay, the list of qualities,

994
01:04:13.360 --> 01:04:16.960
like he met, you know, everything that was on it. Cause it was more about like

995
01:04:16.960 --> 01:04:22.400
a heart that's pursuing God, you're like open to a family, like different things like that.

996
01:04:24.240 --> 01:04:29.280
There were a couple of things. I mean, I think it's great. Like kind of going back to what,

997
01:04:29.280 --> 01:04:32.640
you know, Clayton and Cesar were saying, I think it's great that like Clayton knew what he wanted

998
01:04:32.640 --> 01:04:39.440
and what he pursued, you know, and went after it. But I think sometimes if you hold yourself

999
01:04:39.440 --> 01:04:43.760
only to that, especially at the very beginning, you might miss some of the gold that's out there.

1000
01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:49.280
Cause like Brian was in a different stage of life where he just wasn't a hundred percent. Sure. Like

1001
01:04:49.280 --> 01:04:54.880
what he wanted in the very beginning. Um, and I just think, cause a lot of my friends are like,

1002
01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:58.880
Oh, we want what you have. But like, I think there's people that would have run like at the,

1003
01:04:58.880 --> 01:04:59.840
at the very beginning. Cause

1004
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.440
and you shouldn't discuss this in a first date,

1005
01:05:02.440 --> 01:05:04.280
but it just came up where he was like,

1006
01:05:04.280 --> 01:05:06.320
I don't know if I ever want to get married someday,

1007
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:09.360
where like he was just externally processing a little bit,

1008
01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:10.400
but some people might be like,

1009
01:05:10.400 --> 01:05:12.720
that person is not marriage minded,

1010
01:05:12.720 --> 01:05:14.560
so I'm going to cut them off.

1011
01:05:14.560 --> 01:05:17.560
And like, I never would have anticipated within that year

1012
01:05:17.560 --> 01:05:21.880
that we would have been engaged and married soon after that.

1013
01:05:21.880 --> 01:05:23.880
And something else Jackie used to say is like,

1014
01:05:23.880 --> 01:05:25.840
sometimes a guy doesn't know he wants to get married

1015
01:05:25.840 --> 01:05:28.560
till he meets the person he wants to marry.

1016
01:05:28.560 --> 01:05:30.040
So there's a difference between someone

1017
01:05:30.040 --> 01:05:33.120
who's stringing you on and wasting your time

1018
01:05:33.120 --> 01:05:35.240
and someone that just needs a little bit of grace

1019
01:05:35.240 --> 01:05:37.720
and a little bit of time to figure out themselves,

1020
01:05:37.720 --> 01:05:39.200
you know, what they want.

1021
01:05:40.320 --> 01:05:43.400
So just like lowering the pressure a little bit

1022
01:05:43.400 --> 01:05:46.280
on like those first few dates to just see,

1023
01:05:46.280 --> 01:05:47.840
am I enjoying their company?

1024
01:05:47.840 --> 01:05:49.560
Do I want to see them again?

1025
01:05:49.560 --> 01:05:53.200
Is there anything that's like a blatant flag

1026
01:05:53.200 --> 01:05:54.960
that's something like I should run from?

1027
01:05:54.960 --> 01:05:55.800
You know, if not,

1028
01:05:55.800 --> 01:05:57.720
like if there's nothing that's like putting me in danger,

1029
01:05:57.880 --> 01:05:58.720
or like anything like that,

1030
01:05:58.720 --> 01:06:01.120
like maybe we connect a few times

1031
01:06:01.120 --> 01:06:04.040
and see if there's something there.

1032
01:06:04.040 --> 01:06:05.800
So just wanted to add that as well.

1033
01:06:07.880 --> 01:06:09.000
What do you want to say?

1034
01:06:09.000 --> 01:06:10.680
Oh, is this just the lady?

1035
01:06:10.680 --> 01:06:12.520
It's okay, Brian, you can go.

1036
01:06:12.520 --> 01:06:13.360
You have one.

1037
01:06:13.360 --> 01:06:14.200
Yeah.

1038
01:06:14.200 --> 01:06:17.840
Yeah, I think it's a perfect segue because I,

1039
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:21.040
yeah, I was very close-minded for a long time.

1040
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:25.440
So before Megan, yeah, I had dated a little bit,

1041
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:26.720
several years, and I said,

1042
01:06:26.720 --> 01:06:31.320
oh, I wouldn't date someone that had like,

1043
01:06:31.320 --> 01:06:33.160
I wouldn't date someone who was a single parent

1044
01:06:33.160 --> 01:06:35.200
or not a single parent, that had a child.

1045
01:06:37.400 --> 01:06:39.080
And I was very closed off that because like-

1046
01:06:39.080 --> 01:06:39.920
And I don't have a child,

1047
01:06:39.920 --> 01:06:40.760
so that's not referring to me,

1048
01:06:40.760 --> 01:06:41.600
but he was just-

1049
01:06:41.600 --> 01:06:42.960
So that was a dating experience.

1050
01:06:42.960 --> 01:06:47.960
And yeah, I think you just learn from the experience

1051
01:06:49.840 --> 01:06:52.680
and it just kind of just opened your mind like,

1052
01:06:52.680 --> 01:06:53.520
hey, okay.

1053
01:06:53.520 --> 01:06:55.520
And then the next, like, yeah,

1054
01:06:55.560 --> 01:06:57.800
like things just didn't work out.

1055
01:06:57.800 --> 01:06:58.880
But I think at the end of the day,

1056
01:06:58.880 --> 01:07:01.160
like, I think the emphasis is that

1057
01:07:01.160 --> 01:07:02.360
what I felt in that experience,

1058
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:05.160
she was looking for someone to fit the father figure.

1059
01:07:05.160 --> 01:07:06.480
And I wasn't at that stage.

1060
01:07:06.480 --> 01:07:09.200
I was really, like, I want to know the person,

1061
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:12.080
but she really wanted someone to kind of fit that mold.

1062
01:07:12.080 --> 01:07:15.000
The person right before me, just for clarity.

1063
01:07:15.000 --> 01:07:17.640
And then, yeah, there was, like,

1064
01:07:17.640 --> 01:07:19.520
I wanted to date someone, oh, like, Latina.

1065
01:07:19.520 --> 01:07:20.360
And that was it.

1066
01:07:20.360 --> 01:07:21.680
Like, I was really focused on that.

1067
01:07:21.680 --> 01:07:23.200
I always kind of went there.

1068
01:07:23.200 --> 01:07:24.280
And then I said, oh, I don't,

1069
01:07:24.320 --> 01:07:25.680
I don't want to date anyone older than me

1070
01:07:25.680 --> 01:07:27.280
because they will just want to get married

1071
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:29.320
and just have kids right away.

1072
01:07:29.320 --> 01:07:30.560
And so I think that was the pressure

1073
01:07:30.560 --> 01:07:32.040
where on our first day, like, oh yeah,

1074
01:07:32.040 --> 01:07:33.960
she just wants to just get married and have kids.

1075
01:07:33.960 --> 01:07:35.880
Like, that's what, like, everybody wants

1076
01:07:35.880 --> 01:07:38.080
because they feel like time's running out.

1077
01:07:38.080 --> 01:07:39.680
And so then, like, you just start running

1078
01:07:39.680 --> 01:07:41.480
a story in your head.

1079
01:07:41.480 --> 01:07:43.240
But Megan was very patient

1080
01:07:43.240 --> 01:07:45.560
and started to know where a lot of that

1081
01:07:45.560 --> 01:07:47.840
and the experiences and stuff like that,

1082
01:07:47.840 --> 01:07:49.800
just the pressure sometimes,

1083
01:07:49.800 --> 01:07:52.000
past dating experiences, just, you know,

1084
01:07:52.000 --> 01:07:54.360
not just having, yeah, just the pressure

1085
01:07:54.360 --> 01:07:56.240
sometimes we put in dating

1086
01:07:56.240 --> 01:07:57.200
and trying to solve everything.

1087
01:07:57.200 --> 01:07:59.720
And I think over time, once we kind of broke the ice

1088
01:07:59.720 --> 01:08:02.120
with different things, from things we've learned,

1089
01:08:02.120 --> 01:08:03.680
it just became an enjoyable experience

1090
01:08:03.680 --> 01:08:07.600
of just learning and understanding one another.

1091
01:08:07.600 --> 01:08:09.640
And so, yeah, sometimes you just,

1092
01:08:09.640 --> 01:08:13.520
yeah, don't cut yourself short

1093
01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:14.960
with what you think.

1094
01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:18.920
Like, I want this type, such a criteria

1095
01:08:18.920 --> 01:08:20.479
because Kaz is not looking for that.

1096
01:08:20.479 --> 01:08:24.640
He wants to grow your heart with the right person.

1097
01:08:24.640 --> 01:08:26.080
And sometimes you need the right person

1098
01:08:26.080 --> 01:08:28.520
that's gonna help level you up.

1099
01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:30.960
And I think that's all the different experiences,

1100
01:08:30.960 --> 01:08:31.840
the dating experience.

1101
01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:33.240
I think if I didn't have that,

1102
01:08:33.240 --> 01:08:36.560
I wouldn't be as prepared and wouldn't appreciate

1103
01:08:36.560 --> 01:08:38.240
and value someone like Megan

1104
01:08:38.240 --> 01:08:40.439
because a lot of the stuff that I eventually,

1105
01:08:40.439 --> 01:08:42.080
like, oh, it'd be nice to, like,

1106
01:08:42.080 --> 01:08:43.560
have dance parties with somebody,

1107
01:08:43.560 --> 01:08:45.560
someone who would be silly

1108
01:08:45.560 --> 01:08:49.800
and, you know, wanna watch the Knicks games.

1109
01:08:49.880 --> 01:08:51.880
And eventually she got into it.

1110
01:08:51.880 --> 01:08:53.520
Like, I didn't expect that.

1111
01:08:53.520 --> 01:08:54.359
I said, it'd be nice.

1112
01:08:54.359 --> 01:08:55.920
And then she became more a fan than I did.

1113
01:08:55.920 --> 01:08:58.399
So, like, you just don't know how God's gonna work.

1114
01:08:58.399 --> 01:08:59.680
And I think it's just been enjoyable

1115
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:01.560
to share these different things.

1116
01:09:02.800 --> 01:09:05.840
And, like, I'm into a lot of the Marvel superheroes

1117
01:09:05.840 --> 01:09:07.720
and, like, she follows my shenanigans.

1118
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:09.319
And so it's just great.

1119
01:09:09.319 --> 01:09:10.840
So, and just for clarity from the story,

1120
01:09:10.840 --> 01:09:13.000
so right before he met me,

1121
01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:15.120
he went on a date with someone

1122
01:09:15.120 --> 01:09:16.359
that had some things in common.

1123
01:09:16.359 --> 01:09:18.000
I mean, they were older and things like that.

1124
01:09:18.000 --> 01:09:20.040
And before they were in a relationship,

1125
01:09:20.040 --> 01:09:21.080
you know, they were never in one,

1126
01:09:21.080 --> 01:09:22.479
was putting pressure on, like,

1127
01:09:22.479 --> 01:09:23.439
where I gotta get married.

1128
01:09:23.439 --> 01:09:24.279
I wanna have kids.

1129
01:09:24.279 --> 01:09:26.640
And having conversations that should not have been had yet

1130
01:09:26.640 --> 01:09:28.399
at the stage they were at.

1131
01:09:28.399 --> 01:09:29.600
So while on the first date,

1132
01:09:29.600 --> 01:09:30.800
I didn't bring up any of this,

1133
01:09:30.800 --> 01:09:34.160
he's coming with the baggage of this last date.

1134
01:09:34.160 --> 01:09:35.720
So it just kind of comes almost out of nowhere.

1135
01:09:35.720 --> 01:09:37.279
He's like, I don't know if I wanna get married.

1136
01:09:37.279 --> 01:09:39.600
I don't know if I wanna have kids.

1137
01:09:39.600 --> 01:09:42.640
And just how God, like, with a little bit of patience,

1138
01:09:42.640 --> 01:09:44.479
to where, like, I, for me, like,

1139
01:09:44.479 --> 01:09:46.880
I want a family, so I wasn't gonna stay forever,

1140
01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:49.240
you know, in a relationship with something

1141
01:09:49.240 --> 01:09:51.680
where you didn't have shared goals.

1142
01:09:51.680 --> 01:09:53.840
But he just needed, honestly, after a month or two,

1143
01:09:53.840 --> 01:09:56.200
and by the time we became exclusive,

1144
01:09:56.200 --> 01:09:57.360
that was a goal of his.

1145
01:09:57.360 --> 01:09:59.560
And by Simbis, like, we were both clear, like,

1146
01:09:59.560 --> 01:10:00.560
oh, this is something.

1147
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.840
we're believing for we're praying for like it became marriage blindness so i'm just saying

1148
01:10:04.720 --> 01:10:10.880
maybe just don't just be careful how quickly you discard someone you know yeah don't jump

1149
01:10:10.880 --> 01:10:15.840
to conclusions i think that's a big thing like sometimes you don't see the the real person after

1150
01:10:15.840 --> 01:10:19.120
like sometimes the first date oh i don't have the butterflies i don't have the spark everybody's

1151
01:10:19.120 --> 01:10:25.040
talking about the spark um you know that's just like the superficial love but i think over time

1152
01:10:25.040 --> 01:10:30.240
you get to the deep love that's the really like when things get hard with the the tough situations

1153
01:10:30.240 --> 01:10:36.160
the difficult conversations um that that's what it really comes down to you know you like red you

1154
01:10:36.160 --> 01:10:41.440
like cheesecake like that's all good and dandy but that doesn't get you far um the the real stuff is

1155
01:10:41.440 --> 01:10:45.440
you know when life gets tough you know who's gonna help be there who's gonna help you during those

1156
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:50.880
tough times you know who's who's the person like you have a tough day you enjoy being with and know

1157
01:10:50.880 --> 01:10:58.880
that they have your back even on your worst day totally y'all better be taking notes you're looking

1158
01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:04.880
for more than just a spark on the date and i would say not even just the first date the second date

1159
01:11:05.760 --> 01:11:12.400
i can remember on my second date with brian i think i've told him this maybe not he's not here

1160
01:11:12.400 --> 01:11:19.760
tonight so no he's in the other room but um i can remember like we were walking into the restaurant

1161
01:11:19.760 --> 01:11:24.080
and he wasn't doing this in like a creeper kind of way but he kind of just lightly touched my back

1162
01:11:24.080 --> 01:11:30.720
and i could remember like kind of moving like i don't know if i want him claiming me yet and i

1163
01:11:30.720 --> 01:11:36.320
literally had that thought and it wasn't necessarily even what he was insinuating but i got all nervous

1164
01:11:36.320 --> 01:11:44.400
and in my head about it but then when we sat down and i just let that go um and didn't worry about

1165
01:11:44.400 --> 01:11:50.640
what it meant or any of that and just got to hear like what he was saying surprisingly the second

1166
01:11:50.640 --> 01:11:59.040
date um after we had dinner we went for a walk in the park and i really knew by the end of that night

1167
01:11:59.040 --> 01:12:05.040
that i really liked him um and so obviously we took a lot more time to get to know each other

1168
01:12:05.040 --> 01:12:12.880
but i wanted to mention that too because um i didn't have sparks i really appreciated and valued

1169
01:12:12.880 --> 01:12:21.040
him i was very attracted to his character and his personality um and he had like i just felt

1170
01:12:21.040 --> 01:12:27.200
really really safe and peaceful and happy on those you know first couple dates and then you know

1171
01:12:27.200 --> 01:12:33.120
things just kept growing from there so um love those shares um so appreciate all you all sharing

1172
01:12:33.120 --> 01:12:37.360
that stacy and clayton what about you all what did you have to surrender off of your list

1173
01:12:38.240 --> 01:12:46.720
well one of the things that i had to surrender off my list was age gap like you know i'm 55

1174
01:12:46.720 --> 01:12:53.840
and i'm a young 55 and so i always was like i think i want someone younger than me you know i

1175
01:12:53.840 --> 01:13:00.000
think i want someone that's you know maybe you know 50 52 or whatever well clayton is seven

1176
01:13:00.320 --> 01:13:11.280
years older than me so i was like oh i don't know man seven years seven years yeah and so um but

1177
01:13:11.280 --> 01:13:21.120
once i met him and you know he's he's active he's a young 62 and and i think the most important

1178
01:13:21.120 --> 01:13:28.880
thing is that whole friendship thing i mean clayton's my best friend you know he is it's like

1179
01:13:28.880 --> 01:13:33.680
i have best friends or i it's like i have my best friend and we get to have a slumber party every

1180
01:13:33.680 --> 01:13:43.280
night and megan and brian we have dance parties too so it's fun to you know have dance parties

1181
01:13:43.280 --> 01:13:48.560
and and just be goofy and have fun but i had to give that up and i had to give that a chance

1182
01:13:48.560 --> 01:13:59.520
is there anything you had to give up well yeah um kind of got two two two things here um i'll go

1183
01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:07.600
with the first one the thing that i had to give up uh or be taken away from was the um i'll call

1184
01:14:07.600 --> 01:14:15.920
it my bermuda triangle that i was starting to live in uh worked in dallas uh i had a ranch

1185
01:14:15.920 --> 01:14:24.000
out in west texas uh with my parents and then the start of a relationship with a woman that just

1186
01:14:24.000 --> 01:14:31.680
totally blew me away and i i was doing that bermuda triangle on a on a and i and i actually

1187
01:14:31.680 --> 01:14:38.480
kind of prided myself on and the fact that you know what i'm the only one that can run 18 20

1188
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:45.360
hours a day yeah still going to the gym at four still still working still getting back to the

1189
01:14:45.360 --> 01:14:50.000
ranch and feeding the cattle and doing what i need to do and then there's this young hot thing

1190
01:14:50.000 --> 01:14:56.240
up in george or down in georgetown you know that i can go and wind down her and then be back on the

1191
01:14:56.240 --> 01:14:59.680
road and and i was kind of living a fantasy

1192
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.920
or actually it was a nightmare.

1193
01:15:02.920 --> 01:15:06.220
And I had to learn how to slow down and give up something.

1194
01:15:07.960 --> 01:15:12.480
And I married Stacy and I gave up Denton.

1195
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:14.220
So you can guess what I gave up.

1196
01:15:15.360 --> 01:15:19.000
So that list changed real quickly.

1197
01:15:19.000 --> 01:15:21.200
And then the other thing you talk about making a list,

1198
01:15:21.200 --> 01:15:24.940
this kind of came back to haunt me,

1199
01:15:24.940 --> 01:15:26.820
but be an answered prayer also.

1200
01:15:27.540 --> 01:15:31.180
In my previous career, I worked for the government

1201
01:15:31.180 --> 01:15:35.140
and we were always big on goals and writing goals.

1202
01:15:35.140 --> 01:15:39.540
And I was listening to a gentleman about,

1203
01:15:39.540 --> 01:15:42.420
you know, meeting your goals and exceeding your goals.

1204
01:15:42.420 --> 01:15:44.020
And he thought it was pretty cool thing

1205
01:15:44.020 --> 01:15:46.440
to write down the goals for his future wife.

1206
01:15:47.860 --> 01:15:49.740
And I'm like, you know what?

1207
01:15:49.740 --> 01:15:51.300
That's not a bad idea.

1208
01:15:52.460 --> 01:15:54.620
So I've sat down and I wrote my goals

1209
01:15:54.620 --> 01:15:57.700
and I honestly wrote my goals out.

1210
01:15:57.700 --> 01:16:01.700
And when I finished it, I threw it up on my shelf

1211
01:16:01.700 --> 01:16:04.480
and said, that's going to be a miracle.

1212
01:16:05.740 --> 01:16:10.140
And I got a phone call one day and I follow,

1213
01:16:12.260 --> 01:16:14.660
yeah, before Stacy, before Stacy,

1214
01:16:14.660 --> 01:16:16.780
I got a phone call one day to,

1215
01:16:16.780 --> 01:16:19.980
from a guy that I played college football with

1216
01:16:19.980 --> 01:16:23.180
and hadn't talked to him in 25 years.

1217
01:16:23.180 --> 01:16:25.580
And he's like, I got a girl I want you to meet.

1218
01:16:27.260 --> 01:16:30.740
And she met every one of those goals except for one.

1219
01:16:31.780 --> 01:16:34.780
And I'm like, this has got to be a relationship

1220
01:16:34.780 --> 01:16:36.720
that I want to pursue.

1221
01:16:36.720 --> 01:16:39.500
And it turned out to be the coldest nightmare

1222
01:16:39.500 --> 01:16:42.900
I'd ever experienced.

1223
01:16:42.900 --> 01:16:45.600
And whenever I was done, I'm like, you know what?

1224
01:16:45.600 --> 01:16:48.080
I am done with women.

1225
01:16:48.080 --> 01:16:49.640
I am done with women.

1226
01:16:50.640 --> 01:16:55.360
And lo and behold, Facebook dating app popped up

1227
01:16:57.440 --> 01:17:02.440
and the woman that met all the goals came into my life.

1228
01:17:02.920 --> 01:17:07.920
So that list opened back up and she, every one of them.

1229
01:17:08.040 --> 01:17:13.040
And the one thing that it was, was tithing.

1230
01:17:14.800 --> 01:17:18.800
And when we were talking on the phone and Facebook,

1231
01:17:18.800 --> 01:17:22.640
she told me, she said, I can't be involved

1232
01:17:22.640 --> 01:17:24.240
with a man that doesn't tithe.

1233
01:17:25.640 --> 01:17:30.640
And I just looked at her and I said, Stacy, I tithe.

1234
01:17:31.440 --> 01:17:33.400
And you know what?

1235
01:17:33.400 --> 01:17:36.160
Just give me a chance.

1236
01:17:36.160 --> 01:17:37.520
Just give me a chance.

1237
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:38.520
And here we are.

1238
01:17:40.080 --> 01:17:41.840
It's so good.

1239
01:17:41.840 --> 01:17:46.360
It made me think about, so Clayton would have no clue

1240
01:17:46.360 --> 01:17:48.800
that I did this, but I was working with a coach

1241
01:17:48.800 --> 01:17:51.640
long before I came into Jackie's program.

1242
01:17:51.640 --> 01:17:54.760
And I was actually in the bad relationship

1243
01:17:54.760 --> 01:17:57.600
with my spiritual daughter's dad at the time.

1244
01:17:57.600 --> 01:17:59.340
And it was not going well.

1245
01:17:59.340 --> 01:18:01.400
And so I was working with this life coach

1246
01:18:01.400 --> 01:18:04.680
and she asked me to make two vision boards

1247
01:18:04.680 --> 01:18:05.720
because there were two things I,

1248
01:18:05.720 --> 01:18:07.560
like main things I was talking to her about.

1249
01:18:07.560 --> 01:18:10.260
It was the unhealthy relationship I was in

1250
01:18:10.260 --> 01:18:14.160
and my like career, my life direction.

1251
01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:18.440
And so it wasn't just like a, oh, like a vision board,

1252
01:18:18.440 --> 01:18:21.240
like where it just was massive like stuff,

1253
01:18:21.240 --> 01:18:24.920
but like I cut out pictures that represented things

1254
01:18:24.920 --> 01:18:27.520
that I wanted in a relationship with my,

1255
01:18:27.520 --> 01:18:30.880
like my actual person that I would,

1256
01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:34.040
that I really believed that would make,

1257
01:18:34.040 --> 01:18:36.860
like we would make a happy life together.

1258
01:18:36.860 --> 01:18:40.080
And I hung that vision board up, you all,

1259
01:18:40.080 --> 01:18:42.200
after I got out of that, well,

1260
01:18:42.200 --> 01:18:44.040
before I even got out of that relationship,

1261
01:18:44.880 --> 01:18:47.360
that vision board was something I looked at often.

1262
01:18:47.360 --> 01:18:49.400
And I would ask myself,

1263
01:18:49.400 --> 01:18:52.080
is this current relationship that?

1264
01:18:52.080 --> 01:18:53.020
And it wasn't.

1265
01:18:53.940 --> 01:18:58.240
And that board, which seemed like such a simple thing,

1266
01:18:58.240 --> 01:19:01.640
gave me the courage to start moving,

1267
01:19:01.640 --> 01:19:03.680
like moving towards ending that.

1268
01:19:03.680 --> 01:19:05.440
And then finally did end that.

1269
01:19:05.440 --> 01:19:08.360
And then I, when I got into like kind of

1270
01:19:08.360 --> 01:19:11.600
the next emotional kind of mental space and capacity,

1271
01:19:11.600 --> 01:19:12.980
I hung that board up.

1272
01:19:12.980 --> 01:19:15.580
I wasn't dating, I didn't date for two years.

1273
01:19:15.580 --> 01:19:17.260
Cause I just felt like the Lord asked me

1274
01:19:17.260 --> 01:19:18.380
to take a break for one year.

1275
01:19:18.380 --> 01:19:19.900
And then I got to one year and I was like,

1276
01:19:19.900 --> 01:19:20.940
well, that wasn't too hard.

1277
01:19:20.940 --> 01:19:22.980
I'm gonna, I'm doing another year.

1278
01:19:22.980 --> 01:19:27.280
Cause I was, I was growing so much and learning who I was.

1279
01:19:27.280 --> 01:19:32.280
And I had never, you know, young, young person,

1280
01:19:32.740 --> 01:19:34.540
some of the things I went through,

1281
01:19:34.540 --> 01:19:36.700
I didn't even know how to not have a boyfriend

1282
01:19:36.700 --> 01:19:37.780
when I was younger.

1283
01:19:37.780 --> 01:19:41.260
And I don't say that pridefully, you all,

1284
01:19:41.260 --> 01:19:43.120
but I didn't know how to live by myself.

1285
01:19:43.120 --> 01:19:46.940
I didn't know how to not rely on other people all the time.

1286
01:19:46.940 --> 01:19:49.140
And so that, that two year time

1287
01:19:49.140 --> 01:19:51.320
was really, really healing for me.

1288
01:19:51.320 --> 01:19:54.080
But I'm saying all that to say this,

1289
01:19:55.180 --> 01:19:58.620
I cannot tell you how many of the things

1290
01:19:58.620 --> 01:20:00.120
that were on that board.

1291
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
like genuine happiness things, teamwork, ministry together,

1292
01:20:05.780 --> 01:20:09.980
like pictures that represented my true heart

1293
01:20:09.980 --> 01:20:12.660
and what I believed God had for me in marriage

1294
01:20:12.660 --> 01:20:14.100
is what I put on there.

1295
01:20:14.100 --> 01:20:16.720
Friendship, you know, the sparks,

1296
01:20:16.720 --> 01:20:18.420
because I do want sparks in my marriage.

1297
01:20:18.420 --> 01:20:20.500
You all, I might not have had sparks on the first date,

1298
01:20:20.500 --> 01:20:22.340
but you know, we had sparks after that,

1299
01:20:22.340 --> 01:20:23.780
which is even better.

1300
01:20:23.780 --> 01:20:26.100
And so I just want to encourage you,

1301
01:20:26.100 --> 01:20:27.060
maybe some of you,

1302
01:20:27.060 --> 01:20:32.060
you don't even know what you want in a partner.

1303
01:20:32.180 --> 01:20:34.980
And you're trying to just date to, you know,

1304
01:20:34.980 --> 01:20:35.980
to move towards that.

1305
01:20:35.980 --> 01:20:37.380
And that's good.

1306
01:20:37.380 --> 01:20:39.940
But maybe tonight is just a reminder for you

1307
01:20:39.940 --> 01:20:41.580
just to ask the Lord, like,

1308
01:20:41.580 --> 01:20:44.920
man, what do you have for me, Lord?

1309
01:20:44.920 --> 01:20:47.040
What kind of relationship would be best for me?

1310
01:20:47.040 --> 01:20:48.700
And just start making a little,

1311
01:20:48.700 --> 01:20:49.540
it could even be,

1312
01:20:49.540 --> 01:20:51.140
it doesn't even have to be a full poster board.

1313
01:20:51.140 --> 01:20:53.100
Take a little eight and a half by 11 sheet

1314
01:20:53.100 --> 01:20:54.860
and just start somewhere.

1315
01:20:54.860 --> 01:20:56.900
But like make it a visual,

1316
01:20:57.740 --> 01:20:58.580
at least for me, I'm a visual person.

1317
01:20:58.580 --> 01:20:59.400
If you're a visual person,

1318
01:20:59.400 --> 01:21:00.940
that'll probably really help you.

1319
01:21:00.940 --> 01:21:03.900
But as we start to close tonight,

1320
01:21:03.900 --> 01:21:07.940
we have like eight minutes or so left.

1321
01:21:07.940 --> 01:21:09.980
Let's do a very quick,

1322
01:21:09.980 --> 01:21:13.040
I know you guys already gave like a ton of amazing advice

1323
01:21:13.040 --> 01:21:13.880
and thoughts,

1324
01:21:13.880 --> 01:21:16.240
but if you have one more thought

1325
01:21:16.240 --> 01:21:17.820
that you want to leave our people

1326
01:21:17.820 --> 01:21:19.640
and our community with tonight,

1327
01:21:19.640 --> 01:21:22.860
I would love to hear kind of what that is from you all.

1328
01:21:22.860 --> 01:21:25.180
And we'll just kind of do a quick round robin.

1329
01:21:25.180 --> 01:21:28.660
So whoever, Brian and Megan are,

1330
01:21:28.660 --> 01:21:29.500
go ahead, Stacey.

1331
01:21:29.500 --> 01:21:31.900
I think Stacey was putting her hand up there.

1332
01:21:31.900 --> 01:21:32.940
I just want,

1333
01:21:32.940 --> 01:21:35.780
I saw that there was a couple of things in the chat.

1334
01:21:35.780 --> 01:21:39.340
Did Stacey ever give up on FB dating or whatever?

1335
01:21:39.340 --> 01:21:44.260
So what you have to remember is I was divorced in 2015

1336
01:21:44.260 --> 01:21:46.260
and I was married for a short time.

1337
01:21:46.260 --> 01:21:48.500
But for three years,

1338
01:21:48.500 --> 01:21:50.860
I didn't know if I ever wanted to have another relationship.

1339
01:21:50.860 --> 01:21:53.760
I didn't know if I wanted to be married, any of that.

1340
01:21:53.760 --> 01:21:58.120
But in 2018, I was like, okay, I think I'm gonna do this.

1341
01:21:58.120 --> 01:22:02.560
And so I had, you know, I had probably, you know,

1342
01:22:02.560 --> 01:22:04.260
in 10, 11 years,

1343
01:22:04.260 --> 01:22:07.800
maybe three or four short-term, three-month relationships.

1344
01:22:07.800 --> 01:22:11.740
And I would be on and off date, on and off dating apps.

1345
01:22:11.740 --> 01:22:12.800
I would be on Bumble.

1346
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:14.120
I would be on Match.

1347
01:22:14.120 --> 01:22:17.280
I would be on, you know, Facebook dating.

1348
01:22:17.280 --> 01:22:18.400
There was a whole bunch of stuff,

1349
01:22:18.400 --> 01:22:20.840
but I would always take breaks

1350
01:22:20.840 --> 01:22:25.160
because you just have to take breaks sometimes.

1351
01:22:25.160 --> 01:22:26.600
And then I would, you know,

1352
01:22:26.600 --> 01:22:29.600
meet other men through friends

1353
01:22:29.600 --> 01:22:32.600
and different things sometimes, or at church.

1354
01:22:32.600 --> 01:22:36.240
So I do wanna encourage you to make sure you take the breaks.

1355
01:22:36.240 --> 01:22:40.600
And right before I met Clayton, my birthday is April 15th.

1356
01:22:40.600 --> 01:22:43.720
I met him on April 16th, 2025.

1357
01:22:43.720 --> 01:22:47.480
And right before I met him, I was like, you know what?

1358
01:22:47.480 --> 01:22:49.760
I'm gonna take the summer off

1359
01:22:50.000 --> 01:22:51.840
and I'm just gonna see, I'm gonna go,

1360
01:22:51.840 --> 01:22:55.280
I'm gonna see about some different events for singles

1361
01:22:55.280 --> 01:22:56.280
and do all that.

1362
01:22:56.280 --> 01:23:00.540
And then I saw his profile and I was like, hmm.

1363
01:23:00.540 --> 01:23:01.680
And he's got two sons.

1364
01:23:01.680 --> 01:23:04.200
So he had pictures of his sons in there

1365
01:23:04.200 --> 01:23:07.760
and his, you know, profile was pretty cool.

1366
01:23:07.760 --> 01:23:08.740
And I just liked him.

1367
01:23:08.740 --> 01:23:11.120
And then he, you know, right away,

1368
01:23:11.120 --> 01:23:14.480
he actually didn't at first think my profile was real.

1369
01:23:14.480 --> 01:23:16.200
He's like, this can't be real.

1370
01:23:16.200 --> 01:23:19.320
And so, you know, he was,

1371
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:23.120
anyway, he started a conversation with me.

1372
01:23:23.120 --> 01:23:25.280
So I think it's important to take breaks.

1373
01:23:25.280 --> 01:23:27.440
I think it's important to be honest

1374
01:23:27.440 --> 01:23:28.960
with the people in your life

1375
01:23:29.840 --> 01:23:32.800
and at your singles groups, in the churches or whatever.

1376
01:23:32.800 --> 01:23:33.980
I wanna be married.

1377
01:23:33.980 --> 01:23:37.320
I was telling everybody, hey, I wanna be married.

1378
01:23:37.320 --> 01:23:40.280
I wanna be married so that people know

1379
01:23:40.280 --> 01:23:42.480
because there are people that are my age

1380
01:23:42.480 --> 01:23:44.320
and I've been in different, you know,

1381
01:23:44.320 --> 01:23:45.880
singles groups in my community.

1382
01:23:45.880 --> 01:23:48.040
And they're like, oh, I'm good.

1383
01:23:48.040 --> 01:23:50.080
Oh, God will bring it when he brings it.

1384
01:23:50.960 --> 01:23:53.040
And I'm like, okay, you're 65 years old

1385
01:23:53.040 --> 01:23:54.000
and you've never been married.

1386
01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:56.120
God will bring it when he brings it?

1387
01:23:56.120 --> 01:23:57.920
Eh, I don't think so.

1388
01:23:57.920 --> 01:24:01.120
So I'm just saying, be real and be authentic

1389
01:24:01.120 --> 01:24:05.200
about what you really want if you're marriage-minded.

1390
01:24:05.200 --> 01:24:06.920
So Anthony, you wanna say?

1391
01:24:06.920 --> 01:24:09.160
You know, guys, this is gonna sound really strange

1392
01:24:09.160 --> 01:24:12.160
coming from me that I'm still working through this.

1393
01:24:13.320 --> 01:24:16.080
Set boundaries and the boundaries are not

1394
01:24:16.120 --> 01:24:18.560
for to keep people away.

1395
01:24:18.560 --> 01:24:20.800
The boundaries are to protect you.

1396
01:24:20.800 --> 01:24:23.200
Set boundaries for yourself

1397
01:24:23.200 --> 01:24:25.720
and know that you've got a voice and use it.

1398
01:24:29.240 --> 01:24:30.880
So good, Brian and Megan.

1399
01:24:32.240 --> 01:24:35.840
Yeah, good stuff, good stuff, good insight.

1400
01:24:35.840 --> 01:24:38.000
Just to piggyback on Clayton and Stacey,

1401
01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:42.120
I'd say, yeah, just don't lose yourself in the process.

1402
01:24:42.880 --> 01:24:47.360
I think don't change who you are in marriage

1403
01:24:47.360 --> 01:24:48.360
and because what happens,

1404
01:24:48.360 --> 01:24:50.720
I think we think we're gonna change the person.

1405
01:24:51.880 --> 01:24:54.360
The person has a certain core.

1406
01:24:54.360 --> 01:24:55.680
And so, for example,

1407
01:24:55.680 --> 01:24:58.880
we just have an inner child in ourselves.

1408
01:24:58.880 --> 01:24:59.720
And

1409
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.120
You know, I love just being a child and letting that loose.

1410
01:25:03.120 --> 01:25:06.320
And it's great to just be with someone who loves to play

1411
01:25:06.320 --> 01:25:09.980
with glow sticks and just have glow stick parties.

1412
01:25:09.980 --> 01:25:12.640
Stacey, the second you said dance parties,

1413
01:25:12.640 --> 01:25:14.680
he disappeared and like left the webcam.

1414
01:25:14.680 --> 01:25:16.160
I was like, where are you going?

1415
01:25:16.160 --> 01:25:18.920
Like comes back downstairs with glow sticks.

1416
01:25:19.880 --> 01:25:21.800
That was a positive trigger, like a glimmer

1417
01:25:21.800 --> 01:25:25.120
where he's like dance party, like let's go.

1418
01:25:25.120 --> 01:25:26.560
And so I said that in all seriousness,

1419
01:25:26.560 --> 01:25:29.280
like whatever you guys like, like don't lose that.

1420
01:25:29.280 --> 01:25:31.840
Like if you like fishing, you like Hallmark movies,

1421
01:25:31.840 --> 01:25:34.880
you like playing worship music.

1422
01:25:34.880 --> 01:25:36.180
If that's important, you say that like,

1423
01:25:36.180 --> 01:25:38.480
hey, like I like to be silly and dance around.

1424
01:25:38.480 --> 01:25:40.440
And, you know, I would love to share that with you

1425
01:25:40.440 --> 01:25:41.440
and see if they're open to it.

1426
01:25:41.440 --> 01:25:43.900
Like, hey, you're like, I don't sing, but I'll try

1427
01:25:43.900 --> 01:25:44.740
because I know it's important to you

1428
01:25:44.740 --> 01:25:45.920
and I like growing with you.

1429
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:48.600
And so I think that would be my biggest advice

1430
01:25:49.800 --> 01:25:50.800
going into it.

1431
01:25:50.800 --> 01:25:54.400
Yeah, I think definitely like have fun.

1432
01:25:54.400 --> 01:25:56.680
It was something I didn't learn until like later

1433
01:25:56.680 --> 01:25:58.040
in the dating process.

1434
01:25:58.040 --> 01:26:00.280
It would have been great early on if I was like,

1435
01:26:00.280 --> 01:26:01.720
like days were very painful for me.

1436
01:26:01.720 --> 01:26:05.440
Like maybe the first year of putting myself out there

1437
01:26:05.440 --> 01:26:08.720
and like learning how like the first date or two,

1438
01:26:08.720 --> 01:26:10.760
like it doesn't have to be that serious.

1439
01:26:10.760 --> 01:26:13.280
Like, you know, once you're like,

1440
01:26:13.280 --> 01:26:15.200
you want to commit to somebody in a relationship,

1441
01:26:15.200 --> 01:26:18.960
you have to figure out if you can actually marry them,

1442
01:26:18.960 --> 01:26:20.040
you know, like down the road.

1443
01:26:20.040 --> 01:26:21.280
But like those first couple of dates,

1444
01:26:21.280 --> 01:26:22.400
you don't have to know.

1445
01:26:22.400 --> 01:26:23.680
And like just trying to remove,

1446
01:26:23.680 --> 01:26:24.720
because sometimes you're on a date

1447
01:26:24.720 --> 01:26:26.600
and like it's a first date and you're like,

1448
01:26:26.600 --> 01:26:27.480
could I marry them?

1449
01:26:27.480 --> 01:26:29.480
Would that have an annoy me for the rest of my life?

1450
01:26:29.480 --> 01:26:32.880
Like, and you just go a little bit too deep too soon.

1451
01:26:32.880 --> 01:26:35.560
When the first date, it's fun to like,

1452
01:26:35.560 --> 01:26:37.720
I mean, we're, we are really kids at heart.

1453
01:26:37.720 --> 01:26:39.440
We were probably the only adults that,

1454
01:26:39.440 --> 01:26:41.120
that have a membership to Chuck E. Cheese

1455
01:26:41.120 --> 01:26:42.640
without having children yet.

1456
01:26:42.640 --> 01:26:44.040
That was our, that's where we went.

1457
01:26:44.040 --> 01:26:46.040
We went to play Skateball.

1458
01:26:46.040 --> 01:26:47.240
Anniversary.

1459
01:26:47.240 --> 01:26:51.080
But like just being able to be yourself

1460
01:26:51.080 --> 01:26:53.800
and like every day, like he keeps me on my toes.

1461
01:26:53.800 --> 01:26:55.720
There's always like some surprise

1462
01:26:55.720 --> 01:26:57.280
that I come home to that's fun.

1463
01:26:57.280 --> 01:26:58.960
And like, yeah, just being able,

1464
01:26:58.960 --> 01:27:00.240
when he talks about being true to yourself,

1465
01:27:00.240 --> 01:27:03.880
that's not being like, if there's like behaviors

1466
01:27:03.880 --> 01:27:05.200
or things like that you need to fix,

1467
01:27:05.200 --> 01:27:06.680
like then we work on those.

1468
01:27:06.680 --> 01:27:09.720
But the like, we were both very weird people

1469
01:27:09.720 --> 01:27:13.240
and like just embracing, like this is who we are.

1470
01:27:13.240 --> 01:27:16.640
And like no longer, like probably three years ago,

1471
01:27:16.640 --> 01:27:17.760
I probably would have hated that we had,

1472
01:27:17.760 --> 01:27:18.960
I had a Chuck E. Cheese membership,

1473
01:27:18.960 --> 01:27:20.640
which I didn't have one back then.

1474
01:27:21.640 --> 01:27:24.960
But now like, we just, we just own who we are.

1475
01:27:24.960 --> 01:27:29.080
So I think the right person, like you'll eventually like,

1476
01:27:29.080 --> 01:27:29.920
it's amazing.

1477
01:27:29.920 --> 01:27:31.920
I've never been able to so be myself

1478
01:27:31.920 --> 01:27:33.720
with anyone in my life, even family growing up.

1479
01:27:33.720 --> 01:27:36.400
Like there was always like an element of like masking.

1480
01:27:37.520 --> 01:27:39.560
And for me too, like I have ADHD.

1481
01:27:39.560 --> 01:27:42.640
So after a day of like being professional all day,

1482
01:27:42.640 --> 01:27:45.200
like sometimes I'm like singing to myself

1483
01:27:45.200 --> 01:27:46.760
and then jumping to a million different songs

1484
01:27:46.760 --> 01:27:47.600
by the time I come home,

1485
01:27:47.600 --> 01:27:48.880
because I just need to unload.

1486
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:51.240
And he just like laughs and embraces it all.

1487
01:27:51.240 --> 01:27:53.560
So just, you know, like when you end up with the right

1488
01:27:53.560 --> 01:27:57.240
person, like they'll get who you are, you know?

1489
01:27:57.240 --> 01:27:59.480
Yeah. And I'll even say too, like, you know,

1490
01:28:00.720 --> 01:28:02.880
changing a little bit in the process,

1491
01:28:02.880 --> 01:28:07.760
like I'm very used to just very quiet and peace.

1492
01:28:07.760 --> 01:28:11.320
And sometimes Megan needs to sing and let things out.

1493
01:28:11.320 --> 01:28:13.320
And so, and I think this is where the boundaries

1494
01:28:13.320 --> 01:28:14.880
like communicate, okay.

1495
01:28:14.880 --> 01:28:16.680
Like, I would love to have some peace right now,

1496
01:28:16.680 --> 01:28:17.520
but you know what?

1497
01:28:17.520 --> 01:28:18.920
Right now I'm going to focus on my wife.

1498
01:28:18.920 --> 01:28:21.000
She needs to let, we call it love.

1499
01:28:21.000 --> 01:28:22.160
We let the monkeys out.

1500
01:28:22.160 --> 01:28:24.440
Like there's just been so much going on in the day.

1501
01:28:24.440 --> 01:28:27.960
And we just, we do crazy stuff and we just embrace

1502
01:28:27.960 --> 01:28:29.200
and say, it's okay.

1503
01:28:29.200 --> 01:28:31.840
And then say, hey, okay.

1504
01:28:31.840 --> 01:28:36.160
I'm going to have my 30 minutes of quiet time now.

1505
01:28:36.160 --> 01:28:38.520
And I think it's all about communication.

1506
01:28:38.520 --> 01:28:41.800
Yeah. Some days, like the way you've done certain things,

1507
01:28:41.800 --> 01:28:42.640
you're going to change it up.

1508
01:28:42.640 --> 01:28:44.280
Like, okay, I would have done this,

1509
01:28:44.280 --> 01:28:46.360
but hey, right now this is important.

1510
01:28:46.360 --> 01:28:47.920
I got to be there for my partner.

1511
01:28:47.920 --> 01:28:49.040
The other things can wait.

1512
01:28:49.040 --> 01:28:50.880
Yeah. And I just, I'll just say too,

1513
01:28:50.880 --> 01:28:54.240
like how healing it is when somebody takes you as you are.

1514
01:28:54.240 --> 01:28:57.480
Like I grew up like doing musical theater.

1515
01:28:57.480 --> 01:28:59.560
So like he gets reenactments all the time

1516
01:28:59.560 --> 01:29:00.720
of all sorts of musicals.

1517
01:29:00.720 --> 01:29:02.240
Just like, I might be washing the dishes

1518
01:29:02.240 --> 01:29:04.280
and singing like five different parts from a musical.

1519
01:29:04.280 --> 01:29:06.720
And like growing up, like my family would always be like,

1520
01:29:06.720 --> 01:29:10.040
stop it, be quiet, like shut it down.

1521
01:29:10.040 --> 01:29:13.160
And like his, one of the first few times it happened,

1522
01:29:13.160 --> 01:29:14.680
he was like, that was so good.

1523
01:29:14.680 --> 01:29:15.720
Like, what was that from?

1524
01:29:16.080 --> 01:29:16.920
Like, what were you doing?

1525
01:29:16.920 --> 01:29:17.760
Like, tell me more.

1526
01:29:17.760 --> 01:29:18.920
And I was like, wait, you're serious?

1527
01:29:18.920 --> 01:29:20.200
Like, you're not giving me a hard time.

1528
01:29:20.200 --> 01:29:22.320
Like you actually found that entertaining?

1529
01:29:23.320 --> 01:29:24.160
Yeah.

1530
01:29:24.160 --> 01:29:25.400
And like, it's very healing.

1531
01:29:25.400 --> 01:29:27.440
Yeah. We were, we were working out

1532
01:29:27.440 --> 01:29:30.760
and she played some music and she was doing a choreography.

1533
01:29:30.760 --> 01:29:31.960
And I was like, oh wow.

1534
01:29:31.960 --> 01:29:33.480
Like I want to, I was like,

1535
01:29:33.480 --> 01:29:34.720
I want to learn that choreography.

1536
01:29:34.720 --> 01:29:35.880
Cause I like to dance.

1537
01:29:35.880 --> 01:29:39.280
I was like, oh, like, did you, did you learn that?

1538
01:29:39.280 --> 01:29:40.960
Like, did you do that in a show?

1539
01:29:40.960 --> 01:29:42.640
And she says, I just made it up right now.

1540
01:29:42.640 --> 01:29:45.400
I was like, oh, I want to learn it too.

1541
01:29:46.720 --> 01:29:48.400
So I think that's what it's about.

1542
01:29:48.400 --> 01:29:49.240
Yeah. Go ahead, Brian.

1543
01:29:49.240 --> 01:29:50.080
Sorry.

1544
01:29:50.080 --> 01:29:50.920
No, no, no.

1545
01:29:50.920 --> 01:29:53.360
It's all about just, you know, owning yourself in that way.

1546
01:29:53.360 --> 01:29:55.480
Like it's, I think it's just a beautiful thing.

1547
01:29:55.480 --> 01:29:57.680
And cause we're all God's children

1548
01:29:57.680 --> 01:30:00.280
and we have all our interesting quirks.

1549
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.920
works in interesting parts of ourselves that I think just makes us who we are.

1550
01:30:03.920 --> 01:30:06.080
And he wants us to, to showcase it.

1551
01:30:06.240 --> 01:30:07.840
And it's great when you can share it with your partner.

1552
01:30:08.880 --> 01:30:09.600
I love this.

1553
01:30:09.600 --> 01:30:12.320
And I'm so glad you went and got the glow sticks.

1554
01:30:12.360 --> 01:30:15.320
I totally, I'm like, I might have to buy some of those.

1555
01:30:15.640 --> 01:30:20.160
So as we close, I just, um, wanted to say to you all, this is the

1556
01:30:20.160 --> 01:30:21.640
kind of stuff God has for you.

1557
01:30:21.720 --> 01:30:26.520
You know, that even as we were talking about that, you will have somebody that

1558
01:30:26.520 --> 01:30:30.680
you can even navigate difficult conversations with and come out the other

1559
01:30:30.680 --> 01:30:36.440
side, stronger, not further apart and have fun with, and, um, As y'all were

1560
01:30:36.440 --> 01:30:40.880
sharing your stories, I mean, I've told the last year single crew so many times.

1561
01:30:41.200 --> 01:30:43.040
I mean, I love to scare.

1562
01:30:43.120 --> 01:30:44.560
It's like my favorite thing.

1563
01:30:44.560 --> 01:30:48.080
You all, I'm going to find every way possible, uh, to jump out

1564
01:30:48.080 --> 01:30:49.960
from somewhere and scare my husband.

1565
01:30:50.200 --> 01:30:51.720
Thank God he has a strong heart.

1566
01:30:52.080 --> 01:30:55.800
Um, but the other thing I was just thinking about so funny, I don't know

1567
01:30:55.800 --> 01:31:00.680
if y'all have ever heard of zoomies, but you know, this girl can fall asleep

1568
01:31:00.760 --> 01:31:03.400
and be out and then wake up.

1569
01:31:03.440 --> 01:31:06.160
And then I have just like massive energy.

1570
01:31:06.520 --> 01:31:09.840
And so sometimes my husband does too, but he likes to say I'm the

1571
01:31:09.840 --> 01:31:11.000
only one that gets the zoomies.

1572
01:31:11.000 --> 01:31:13.600
So if you don't know what zoomies are, you'll have to look up some funny

1573
01:31:13.600 --> 01:31:17.160
reels, um, but it's a legit thing.

1574
01:31:17.200 --> 01:31:19.720
And he laughs and we laugh together.

1575
01:31:20.160 --> 01:31:24.200
Uh, sometimes when I say this, I don't mean this is in a, we fight in a bad

1576
01:31:24.320 --> 01:31:27.320
way, but we fight over the covers and take them from each other.

1577
01:31:27.320 --> 01:31:29.480
It's like a whole thing, uh, sometimes at night.

1578
01:31:29.760 --> 01:31:33.440
And so, you know, no matter what you're going through right now, I want you to

1579
01:31:33.480 --> 01:31:38.840
really believe that God has fun for you and your relationship to not just serious,

1580
01:31:38.840 --> 01:31:40.080
not just spiritual.

1581
01:31:40.600 --> 01:31:45.440
That was one of the things I put on my Jesus cares board y'all for my relationship.

1582
01:31:45.480 --> 01:31:47.480
I, I literally put the word fun.

1583
01:31:48.320 --> 01:31:51.720
That's one of the things I wanted and I absolutely got it.

1584
01:31:51.720 --> 01:31:55.320
You see that these couples have built that and are doing that with their

1585
01:31:55.360 --> 01:31:57.160
lives and their partners as well.

1586
01:31:57.480 --> 01:31:59.080
So believe for that too.

1587
01:31:59.160 --> 01:32:04.360
And that the things that maybe other people squashed in you, like Megan was

1588
01:32:04.360 --> 01:32:09.800
talking about, that God will use your spirit mate to help create a safe space

1589
01:32:09.800 --> 01:32:14.480
for you to be who you are and, and for that person to love that part of you.

1590
01:32:14.880 --> 01:32:17.720
Um, and I know that that's happened for my Brian as well.

1591
01:32:17.720 --> 01:32:19.720
And so I believe God has that for you all.

1592
01:32:20.160 --> 01:32:22.640
Um, Clayton and Stacy, Megan and Brian.

1593
01:32:22.640 --> 01:32:24.920
So awesome to be here with you all tonight.

1594
01:32:24.960 --> 01:32:27.160
Thank you for your time and sharing your stories.

1595
01:32:27.760 --> 01:32:32.000
Uh, praying many, many blessings over your, your marriages and your families.

1596
01:32:32.040 --> 01:32:34.240
And, uh, let me just pray us out tonight.

1597
01:32:34.240 --> 01:32:36.560
God, thank you again, just for bringing us all here.

1598
01:32:37.320 --> 01:32:40.800
We know that like all of the people that are here tonight and have been here

1599
01:32:40.800 --> 01:32:45.480
tonight, we will not all be here together again in the same place in our hearts

1600
01:32:45.480 --> 01:32:46.640
and our lives and our spirits.

1601
01:32:46.640 --> 01:32:48.120
So God, thank you for this time.

1602
01:32:48.400 --> 01:32:52.920
Thank you for the joy, the laughter, the good, uh, information, their stories.

1603
01:32:52.920 --> 01:32:56.440
God, I pray that you just continue to bless their marriages and

1604
01:32:56.440 --> 01:32:58.480
again, bless our, our community.

1605
01:32:58.880 --> 01:33:03.280
Encourage those that feel discouraged, Lord, help them to, to let, um, help

1606
01:33:03.280 --> 01:33:05.240
them to experience God, your presence.

1607
01:33:05.280 --> 01:33:10.200
And, um, yeah, Lord, just to get to know themselves more, um, as who they are in

1608
01:33:10.200 --> 01:33:14.880
Christ, and we just thank you God for your blessings, your protection be with

1609
01:33:14.880 --> 01:33:19.000
all of us as we go about this weekend, 4th of July, celebrate our freedom.

1610
01:33:19.280 --> 01:33:22.760
That not only would we celebrate our country, God, but we would celebrate

1611
01:33:22.760 --> 01:33:25.800
the freedom that Jesus Christ died to give us and that we would walk in

1612
01:33:25.800 --> 01:33:28.560
that in a fresh way in Jesus name.

1613
01:33:28.840 --> 01:33:29.560
Amen.

1614
01:33:29.560 --> 01:33:30.040
Amen.

1615
01:33:30.040 --> 01:33:30.960
God bless you all.

1616
01:33:30.960 --> 01:33:32.400
Have a good night, everyone.

1617
01:33:32.520 --> 01:33:33.080
Bye-bye.