Hello, it is Monday, July 6th.
This is the Heart Check-in with all these great guys.
And so, David, usually how we start out with
is like seeing anybody's wins.
Like, Hunter, you got a win, dude?
Come on, bro.
Yes, I do.
Bring it.
Like, what's going on?
You know, there's lust and self-gratification.
I went an entire, I've gone the entire month of,
a month of not looking at porn in June.
And I went nine days in a row without self-gratification.
And I wanted to say, I really had urges today.
I could have given and released, but I didn't.
Well, good job, dude.
Basically, right now, if I go to bed,
it's going to be eight days in a row.
And this week, I'm going to break the record.
Amen.
And set it to, like, never.
That's amazing.
No, no, no.
It says, flee from sexual harassment.
Not take break, pause, and rest.
No, no, and here's the thing.
It's like you're rewiring your brain.
You're rewiring your neural pathways.
And you're redoing things.
So the longer that you go, the less hold it has on you.
You guys, I don't know if it's actually, Hunter,
it's funny that you talk about that because I had something
happen with a guy who I've been mentoring this week,
and that came up.
And I wanted to talk about that because I'm
all for helping you guys with your relationships
that are coming and to get ready for them.
But Hunter, dude, I'm super proud of you, bro.
That's amazing.
Keep it up and rewire all those neural pathways.
I know.
And I was talking to one girl in church.
She informed me.
I didn't text and instigate, but she just replied saying,
there's no church because of power.
I was like, oh.
Basically, I want to start a relationship.
And then I'm able to connect with women more.
More of a walking up.
It's becoming more than rather than me trying it out,
God brings them in my path.
And I instantly feel like I am connected and natural.
Well, and like, yeah, dude, when you're chasing,
it never worked.
Well, pursuing versus chasing, guys.
Like, pursuing the girl.
I'm not going to chase and try and chase.
And Hunter, what did I say a couple of weeks ago?
Just chill and let it come to you, right?
You know, when you go, if you play baseball,
if you go chasing balls, you don't usually miss them.
Like, especially high fastballs.
Those are my favorite.
And you can never hit them.
But Mr. David, what's going on?
My phone's about to die.
No, I wanted to ask Hunter some clarification.
This thing's about to die.
Hold on.
What's up?
Give me a minute.
My phone's about to die.
I was just going to ask you how they were coming to you.
But I got to charge my phone.
Well, basically, I want to think about,
how about I treat others the way I want to be treated?
If they're not coming for me, I'm just not.
If they don't want to talk to me, I don't talk to them.
And fortunately, I just approached them.
I tried to connect, thinking, got
to know this one lady a little while.
And I was thinking, I want to connect.
And I was like, OK, I'm going to talk to you.
I want to connect and basically build intimateship
and communicate like friends.
And of course, some people who know me
saw some green flags I can budget and do whatever.
And she's working on that, too.
And they said, just be patient with it.
Don't try and make it happen and throw the friendship away.
Because she and I are friends and brothers and sisters
in Christ.
And then I also try to not respond as a way of wasting.
There's a difference between you text
as a way to respond and waste time versus texting,
because you want to validate them, make them feel validated.
And I want to say, don't talk to an instigator
until they feel validated.
Basically, you want to try and build up on it.
And I even told her, I want this for the right reasons.
And she's like, yeah, that's great.
And we just chat and connect.
And I think it's just her connecting,
rather than try to go out and manipulate and make it happen.
Yeah, well, OK, so when you're chasing,
women feel desperation.
Yes.
When you're resting, they don't feel the desperation.
And desperation is not dignifying.
Well, it's not dignifying.
It's not attractive.
They don't care.
They don't want somebody who's desperate.
They actually want to be pursued.
But anyway, but you're doing really great, Hunter.
Just let it come to you.
Hey, Mr. Rodney, I see your hand up.
What's going on?
Yeah, hey, guys.
I just had a win I wanted to share.
Oh, sweet.
Yeah, so I got Jackie's new book.
I think it was a little over a week ago.
reading that. Really good, really good. I got to the point
where I've created my, I forget what it's called. But there's
the kind of three to five people, your core. Yeah, core
people that you can that that are there to kind of support
you. And yeah, yeah, you know, circle. So I've created the
list. I haven't reached out to them yet. But I have three
people in mind that I want to that I feel would be solid
people that I can trust. You know, that I can be myself with
be honest with all that. And then another win is I, I've
been going to the singles group at my church. Now, I want to
say about two months now. We meet every other every other
week. And I want to say it's it seems like a pretty good group,
pretty healthy people there. And kind of a good mix of guys and
gals kind of all ages, you know, young, probably 20s up to, you
know, 60s. Okay. But yeah, doing that. And for me, it's just, I
don't know if there's anyone I'm interested in, but just just
to get that fellowship just to get practice, you know, talking
to women and all that. So
and get in the mode and get in get some Yeah, dude, great job,
dude. Like, you know, it's like you can prepare before. You can
you can you don't have to just jump in it, you can roll roll
into it, right. But you know, it's really hard to go from a
stop to a start. You know, I mean,
yeah, it's been a while. It's been a while for me. And I did
want to say make a comment about the artwork. It took me
about two months to go through it. You know, I wanted to take
my time and kind of really dig in and you know, a lot of stuff
was coming up. And honestly, stuff is still coming up for me.
You know, I had some come up pretty big the other day. So you
know, I'm I'm in no rush to get out there. And I just want to
keep digging in, keep learning and and just give myself time.
Not not rushing at all.
Yeah, I mean, like, and that's really important is like, so I
mean, if you if you blow through the hard work, the only person
that you're like, the you're, you're, you're jipping
yourself, you're Yeah, you know, you're, you're, you're taking
from yourself. Because the whole point of hard work is to have
skills and to get free. And to like be able to navigate things
better and faster. And, and I've always I mean, I don't know
what I forgot what Jackie said. But I've always said, if you
don't fix the crazy in you, you're gonna be attracted to the
crazy and others. And like the broken parts of you will be
attracted to broken parts of others. And so if you find
somebody you have massive chemistry with, it might be your
brokenness is coming together. Usually a healthy relationship
is more of a slow burn, a slow start. Not that there can't be a
spark, but like that it's, it's, it's not. It's not an
inferno, right? And then as you go, it is cultivated and grows
and, you know, and, and it's more than just the physical
attraction. It's the emotional, the spiritual and the
intellectual attraction to so good job, Roddy. Yeah. Good job
picking your circle to that was hard for me, dude. Like I gotta
say, I was even harder given, like giving them the, the green
light to go and, and set me up. You know, I wanted to say one
more thing, just this hard work. It's, it's so good. And, you
know, I've done, I've done years of counseling and, yeah, and all
that. But just the way it's structured, the way it really
targets, you know, the lie and replace it with the truth. And
then there was something in the book that there was a question
that Jackie asked. I think it was something about community or
connection. I can't remember exactly, but there's a question
I've, I've never, never heard, you know, no pastor had asked me
that question. No counselor had ever asked me that question. And
it just, it, it hit something so deep in me. And it was just like,
wow.
Is that in Modern Dating Sucks? Is that what you're talking
about?
Yeah.
Okay. That's where, that's where you got that. Okay. I just
wanted to clarify for anybody who's listening. I was like,
because I thought you'd already done the hard work. So there's,
it makes it, so yeah. Okay. So I have to say, like, I came to
Jackie's group, hung up on somebody, hung up is, yeah, I
guess that's an accurate word. And like, I've done 30 years of
counseling.
I've been through so much trauma, and I've been healed from every PTSD that you can have,
but the way Jackie did the heart work is so amazing.
She amalgamates everything really well, right?
Sorry, Tim.
I've got to put my glasses on.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody's wondering what the Chris update is, but great job, Rodney.
That's amazing.
Way to do the work.
I mean, the heart work works.
Getting your circle works.
Hey, Chris, can you talk?
Everybody wants the latest update from the ...
Yeah, that's ... I'm about to disappoint every single one of you, so ...
Oh, no.
As long as you're not disappointed, that's ...
Oh, I'm extremely disappointed.
Oh, no.
I don't know.
But ...
Hop in.
I don't know.
It's ... Yeah, so last week, I kind of talked about it from the people who were there, and
then that next week, she ...
Is it me, or is he freezing?
He's freezing.
Darn connect.
Yeah.
Worked really tough for her, and her family were like, we texted Wednesday night, and
I didn't hear any ...
You're cutting out really bad.
And y'all ... Yeah, y'all want to talk to me when I'm going over the hill.
That's always how it is.
Well, can you ... When you get over the hill, would you jump back in?
Take clarity.
Yeah.
All right.
You got me now?
I got over the hill.
All right.
Cool.
Okay.
Restart the story over.
That was quick.
So, yeah.
Bad news.
You're going to disappoint us.
And then we heard ... That was about it.
All right.
Well, I ... So, she had some ... We had a great date a couple weeks ago.
It's actually closer to three now.
She was having some ... Really busy at work.
It's a silly season for summer for her.
And she had family in town.
So, we texted Wednesday a couple weeks ago, and then I didn't hear from her from Thursday,
Friday, Saturday.
She texted me like 5.30 Sunday night.
And at that point, I thought she ghosted me.
Like, I had texted her, no response.
I sent her flowers on that Friday, because I knew I wasn't going to see her.
And I thought, cute little gesture, you know, since we aren't going to have a date.
I figured, you know, her and her sister might have a little conversation about flowers showing
up to her house.
Nothing.
No, like, hey, thanks for the flowers.
No.
And I'm like, all right, well, that's it.
Sunday night, she texted me like nothing happened, which it didn't, I guess, in her mind.
So, we kind of had a conversation about like, hey, I understand you're not texting me, but
like, maybe proof of life.
Like, are you still, did somebody abduct you?
Yeah, like, you know, let's not go 48 to 72 hours without just maybe saying, hey, I'm
real busy.
I'll text you back in a second or something.
She was talking about, a little bit about, she's got a coworker that's been harassing
her via texting.
So, she, you know, conceivably, I could see she was not answering her phone for, and it
got away from her.
She did apologize.
She apologized for not texting me about the flowers.
Okay, fine.
Cool.
So, we're going to go out on a date.
We're going to go out.
So, this past Friday, we're going to go out.
She texted me about 30 minutes before I'm going to go pick her up.
She says, hey, I'm feeling really sick.
I thought I could kick it.
I got to, you know, I have to bow out.
You know, I'll try to make it up to you.
And I'm like, yeah, okay, I understand.
You know, made some joke about, she's going to forget what my face looks like.
But she said, hey, when you're feeling better, just, you know, text me.
And, you know, I'd like to hear from you or whatever.
And that was the last thing.
So, that was Friday evening.
I haven't heard, I had no hear from her.
So, I understand she's sick.
But, you know, at this point, I think where I'm at is I do want to go out to coffee and
just be like, hey, let's talk.
It might be that she just doesn't have time in her life for me.
It was hard enough.
Doesn't she have multiple gigs?
She does multiple gigs and stuff, right?
Yeah.
I mean, she's got like Friday.
She's got, or excuse me, she's got Monday job.
And then she's got Tuesday through Saturday job.
And it's like, then some days she was working Sundays and still had a couple weeks.
And so, like, I understand.
be that she's just, she doesn't have room for me in her life.
Um, I just said, I'm, I'm just like,
disappointed. Yeah.
Cool. Uh, I, I, I'd like to know, and that's why I kind of want to have one
more just chat with her about, I like to know, Hey, was it something that
happens and our date? And it just was like, Hey, you know, I didn't like that.
I don't think it's that.
So, I mean, it just sounds like she's been too shy to tell me.
Well, I mean, I think it's good to have that question, but also to be open to
the process that she's just burnout and sick, right. You know, and like, you
know, so one of the things that I, um, this has bit me in the butt so many
times, cause I, you know, uh, and, and, and I'm sorry, dude, that's, um, like
I hate when people don't talk, leave me on unread or they don't respond, right.
You know?
Um, and so, but just think the best, but, but happy, honest conversation.
Like, was it something I did or are you just really just, are you tapped out?
Right.
Yeah.
And if it's that it's just, it's unfortunate, but there's no, I mean,
what are you going to do?
It's just unfortunate timing and it's hard not to get in that mind space of,
Oh, of course it's unfortunate timing.
That's been my, my life for nine years is unfortunate timing.
Never works out.
Yeah.
And that's getting that mind space on, um, on the apps.
I, I forgot to cancel them.
So they all re up this couple of days.
And so I'm going to jump back on there.
Um, I've got some, I've got some like, yeah, I've got some waves, you know, on
Holly and I figured maybe I'll go through there and just see if I can line up a
date, just like five on the line.
Not too long ago.
Right.
Oh yeah.
Now I'm at zero.
So there you go.
You know, like you're, you're back, you're back to fishing.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, and like, but just keep your heart, dude.
I mean, you've been doing amazing.
Just keep the momentum, right?
I feel, I feel bad.
That's my update for you guys.
I appreciate you being, uh, be like, Hey, we got, I want to see the excitement,
the exciting update.
And I already know like, Oh, great.
I was going to just keep my camera off and see if everyone forgot.
No, but like, it's good that you're, I mean, this is part of your process
and just keep your head up.
You've done so well through this whole process, right.
You know, and like, and you've grown and you've gone through a lot of, a lot of
things.
So, I mean, it's not a lost thing.
And like I say, it sounds like she's just really tapped out.
Yeah.
Right.
I hope, I hope it is that and not anything else.
Cause, and if we are shipped that just didn't end up lining up, you know, that's
and here, here's the thing is I, I, Chris, I have a similar mindset when stuff like
this happens, right?
Like, or I've had it.
Well, I'd like to say that I've gotten over it, but I'd probably be lying if I
did.
Right.
But you know, one of the things that, um, love thinks the best, right.
And so whether or not it's true or not, love thinks the best, does that make
sense?
Like, and so I, so it's like, I'm going to choose that they're doing the best
they can and that they actually are where they're at.
Um, and if you guys do start or when, yeah, when, or if you start talking,
expressing, and I know expressing in just say, Hey, I know I've said this before,
but this is really important to me that I just need to know you're alive.
Right.
And I know even if, even if it's just, you text me, I'm alive, right.
Or just some sort of connection, right.
Because people, people have different connection needs.
Right.
So, um, I Jackie, Jackie says I have debated dated like every avoidance in the
U S so that's pretty much, but they have very different connection needs than I do.
Right.
Um, well, I mean, I had, I had somebody, um, that I want, I, I actually, um, I
can't, I blew it.
I wrote off and she got like pneumonia.
Right.
And it was down for like three weeks.
Um, and I just thought she, she wasn't into me.
And, um, and I got all anxious and snarky.
No, I don't snarky is the right word, but I got kind of pissy and, um, and
she really was legitimately sick.
So, and I wish I hadn't.
Right.
But hindsight's 2020.
And, um, so just keep your head up, get back on the apps.
Um, but you, you learned a lot and you taught us all a lot.
We've we're still your cheerleaders and who knows, she could be the one before the one.
Well, and I think, I think that is the, the end I'll be.
all of the relationship. If it is just something like she's super sick and I do want to be
that person that I reach out, hey, just comfort or whatever. It's who I am.
It's like, hey, can I bring you some soup?
Yeah, exactly. But that's not her. My fear is that I think about our interactions the last
couple of weeks and I feel like on my end, I'm starting to feel a little bit pathetic,
a little bit reaching out all the time. Please pay attention to me. I'm not doing that on purpose,
but I'm starting to feel that way. I'm thinking if we're getting better, if we're getting closer,
if your attraction is growing, I feel like she's gone through the last couple of weeks
not really thinking of me at all. It's a rough place to be, but just think the best.
How did you meet this person, Chris? Met her on Holi, the dating app.
He had five and he dwindled it down or cut it down, paired it down,
however you want to call it. But I'm sorry, Chris, but I really am proud of you, dude.
You've done amazing. Like I say, don't chase, let it sit. If it comes back around,
figure out what you're going to do then. Does that make sense?
Yes, that's what I did with this Alicia girl at church and we're still
friends, brothers and sisters in Christ.
Sometimes when it starts getting real, people have
moments. They have reckonings with themselves. It's really easy to flippantly date,
but then when you actually, hey, this might go somewhere. I noticed for me, myself,
if I'm flipping about it, then I don't think it's going to happen or it's not going to go anywhere.
A lot of times people self, what do you call it?
Self-sabotage.
Yes. Thank you.
Never heard that before.
No, not at all. I've never done it. No, not at all. My nose is growing, by the way, too.
Oh, Tim, you have a question.
So, hey, Chris, Lord Jesus, be with Chris, give him wisdom. And I just ask that you
heal his heart, heal her heart, heal her body, whatever. But Lord, would you bring a good end?
If it's an ending, make it a good ending. If it's just a pause, just make it. But would you do
something, Lord? I'm sorry, bro. All right. Mr. Tim, what's going on, bud?
Oh, I think you shifted on my screen.
It's not a romantic win, but I had talked about how at my sales job,
I was bidding a very, very, very large window.
Oh, yeah. Yes.
Yeah. Thursday, I had a presentation with my venture owner, and I have a verbal that he's
going with us. So, there's some detail on the proposal to get sent to him this week.
But it gets better. That was just the windows coming in around $260,000.
I know I'm going to be bidding doors for him. I'm trying to get that done this
week. He was like, oh, yeah, I want a steel roof bid and cedar siding and a deck.
So, this might turn into a $450,000 account.
Dude, thank you, Jesus.
And that's a commission rate because it's not a marketing generated lead.
Yeah. Oh, okay.
So, dude, that is exciting, Tim. Congratulations, dude.
Sup? Love it.
Thanks. May everybody else get that too, man.
Like, yeah.
Sorry, David, did you?
Dude, Tim, that's amazing. I'm sorry. I'm just kind of, I'm super stoked for you.
Um, Mr. David S.
I was just trying to ask if we could get people.
those phone numbers in here, and then also,
I agree.
Yeah, we don't usually do that.
I mean, this isn't like, this is,
I can ask Jackie, I don't know why.
They have.
That wasn't my only question, but go ahead.
Oh yeah, the number, so the numbers,
what was your other question?
I heard in, I'm in the book club right now.
I don't know how many of y'all are in it,
and I'm behind, I haven't done any reading,
but somebody said something there about,
in the last year single program.
No, Jackie said there's prayer every day,
but I looked on the calendar and there's not,
I don't know what she's talking about.
Not only is there not any,
there's a few days out of the week
that don't have any meetings, but.
Are you in the app?
Yeah, but I don't know what she means,
prayer every day, group prayer.
Oh, Friday, okay, well, so Friday.
Two women's group has prayer every day.
Yeah, men.
Oh, but the men don't?
Fridays are like a co-ed thing.
No, we don't.
Yeah, so I'm just looking at, sorry,
I apologize, I'm looking at my app just to see what,
because I know Friday morning,
I used to do it every week,
but then I got a new, so okay,
so if you look on, there's a thing called Faith Friday.
Okay.
Faith Friday is kind of a prayer group, right?
Yeah.
Oh, the women have it every day.
More or less, yeah.
Oh, well, they're lucky.
I mean, the dudes, they tried it with the dudes
and it just didn't work.
Why not?
Yeah, and so.
You don't know why?
It didn't work, like nobody showed up,
so there's no point in hosting something
when there's nobody showing up to it, right?
That's why I like to pray.
Yeah, I mean, like that's,
so on Fridays, Sunday nights as well, right?
Well, Sunday's very, yeah.
Women are generally easy to get together for prayer.
I mean, so like even on the Friday,
well, actually, no, I have to say
the guys showed up sometimes,
but most of the time on the Fridays, it's like 95% women.
I work, so I mean, when I was running a shop,
I could dictate my schedule,
but I'm not running a shop anymore, so.
But, so yeah, there is,
trying to think.
Have you listened to Supernatural Saturday?
I know that it happens Saturday morning,
I just haven't gotten around to listening to replays.
I'm sure they have replays.
But I know where it exists.
Yeah, go ahead.
I mean, there were two Monday night calls for a while
and like they weren't well attended,
so like they're still kind of trying to figure out
what to do with the guy side,
because guys were kind of lone wolves a lot of ways.
Like women love congregating
and men aren't really the greatest at that.
I mean-
More like solid, we have a higher tolerance of solitude.
Yeah, and so,
so no, because they did have, they did have,
they tried, I mean, I've been here for a while
and we've tried many different things.
But Jackie, I mean, there's like,
well, there's what, like 100 dudes and like 1,600 women.
So there's a lot of, or 1,400 women, I don't know,
it's a lot.
It's a massive disparity.
Well, there's a hundred, there's,
if you talk to the unpaid group, which we're not,
because most of those people aren't on.
And even on these calls, we're talking 30 or 40, right?
And so, and then the women have 1,400
and probably like two or 300 all the time.
So it's easier to do a prayer call
when you have a massive amount of people wanting it.
Or that show up and,
and it's, you know,
I mean, so I hope that answers the question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think I've asked this before,
but is it easy to get spot lit?
Or, I mean, I know you have to complete the heart work
and all that, but even if you do-
Well, you have to complete the heart work
and be part of the community.
Like Jackie vets everybody to an extent.
And so, because she takes the safety
in the community really well.
So the heart work and they like, want to get to know you
so that they know that they're spotlighting somebody who,
I don't think there's very many people who,
well, there's, I think there's one or two.
I haven't been spotlighted,
but I'm gonna have to reply with another-
Well, that's for other, yeah, yeah, Hunter.
And she's talked about that too.
I don't know, I haven't,
I don't know, she hasn't been doing it.
So anyways, do the heart work, get it.
There's seasons where there's more spotlights than others.
As long as I live with my parents and I have trouble keeping a job, I don't think she's
going to spotlight me.
I don't know.
I ain't going to lie about that.
She ain't going to want to spotlight that.
Well, I mean, there's like, you'll be surprised by Jackie in a lot of ways.
Like when she met David, David didn't have a whole lot going on either.
He had just got divorced.
He just got, well, I mean, I don't know if David's, you know, this is their story, right?
You know, so Jackie moved in next to David, thought he was a, she got like a predator
alert or something like on her phone.
And she thought that David was the, they're like, you can't make this stuff up, dude.
I know.
I think it's in the book.
It's so, it's so hysterical.
But like David had just got laid off or he got divorced and was driving like a Chevy
Citation or something, some, some terrible vehicle or Buick or I don't remember what.
But anyways.
Hey, don't, don't mock citations.
I'm a big fan.
That's a quirky thing about me.
You didn't know.
And also it was a Buick Century, about a 96 Buick Century is what it was.
It was a, it was an A-body GM, not an X-body.
Oh, so you're a GM guy.
I'm a Ford guy.
So like, I'll get, you can get all your citations you want, bro.
That's what I grew up in.
I mean, the citation was a lot better name pick than last second.
Yeah, that's true.
I fell backwards.
That's Rod Knox.
That's not good.
So anyways, I love the, I love the, Hey, so you guys I want to broach something that is
not fun.
Well, Hector, I mean, Hunter kind of alluded to it in a certain way.
So, okay, you guys, you know, I'm here to try to help you guys win before you get in
a relationship.
Right.
So I have a spiritual son.
Well, he's kind of that I've been meeting with for the last year and a half.
And he was engaged.
Right.
And so I'm going to talk about the thing that I hate talking about, but is destroying so
many relationships.
And so he was engaged and now isn't engaged because she's like, so how are you doing with
porn?
And he's like, not good.
And she's like, well, that's a deal breaker for me.
And they called off the engagement, which is, which is brutal, tragic, but it had to
be done.
So, but like, and like, and it's biblical.
I mean, like, okay, I don't know if you guys, I don't want to say, Oh, David, I do like
my bars too, but like, I've been a fork, I bet I had five Mustangs.
So, but anyways, sorry, this side.
So I, I would be remiss to not bring it up.
And I, you know, you guys, 90%, like nine out of 10 men have a problem with it.
It's more addictive than cocaine.
Like, like, so I don't want to, I'm not here to bad mouth anybody, but I am here to say
that if you watch porn and you're married, you're actually, it's adultery.
Because the word for adultery is pornea.
And so therefore porn is anyway, so, and I don't want like, I mean, he met his dream
girl and let his private life.
It's just, it's at least giving him a chance later if he quits or we'll see.
Like it's, it's, it's early.
It just, just happened like, I was like, Oh, I really didn't want to talk about this today.
But when I'm watching it, kill somebody's relationship and his dream girl, right?
And so I just wanted to say, you guys, you know what?
You have an opportunity.
He didn't take the opportunity when he was single to handle business, right?
And Hunter, I do, I have to do, Hunter, I tip my hat to you, bro.
Like you're, you're, you're, what you're doing is paying dividends will pay dividends when
you get in a relationship.
So you guys, it's one of the most common questions.
And like, I was married for 20 years and I have, okay.
I have a, I found porn when I was four.
My parents, I grew up in a very sexualized household access.
My grandfather had Playboys on his butt and penthouses on his, in his bathroom.
So I, when I talk about porn, it's not something that I'm oblivious with, but I can tell you
having the conversation, my wife, I remember, I'll never forget.
The last time was, that was 25 years ago.
So she's like, you know, she wanted a divorce, right.
And having to explain to her.
So it's a really detrimental.
thing saying that you had a problem is very different saying that you have a problem
right um because women need security and they have no grasp of what they actually i'm afraid
is that the vast majority of women really have no idea the hold it has they draw
they don't understand it um one of my friends is going through this exactly yeah
yeah yeah see see like daniel was saying like one of his friends like it crushes the women
because they're like i really like him but like it's it's a deal breaker right um yeah
and you guys like i i mean it's so easy to get into like i click i do a lot of relationship
research like i'm always looking into when something says hey improve your relationship
i click on it right well yeah well one of them was uh yeah there's no answer i i can get into
that too i don't want to get too heavy guys but i want to do want to address that you have an
opportunity now to handle something that won't destroy your potential spouse and if you meet
your dream girl you're not going to destroy it because of a habit that you have and and it's
really um like so i was clicking through instagram of all freaking places like i i had no i like
maybe i'm naive i guess some of you may be like you're naive i don't know i was like oh cool what
kind of um because i follow all i mean my whole feed is full of counselors and stuff and ended up
being directing me straight to a porn site i'm like what the what the hell just happened right
then i got an algorithm that was super awesome that got in my algorithm and so um that that was
a lot of fun but so it's out there it's readily available but um i can tell you um porn robbed me
in my marriage you know um like i couldn't appreciate my wife because she didn't look
like one of the porn models and she was pretty freaking hot um so i just i just want to like
porn's bad and it's it's super addictive and you know um but you can get free and you know when i
tell so um are you guys doing all right i i'm here to um yeah it it's a it's a thief well that and
hunter the good thing about your so are you guys can you guys just raise your hand if you know
about neuroplasticity or what that is um okay so anyway so your your brain okay your brain has
you know when you do something rodney you're going to raise your uh what's got what's up
okay you're you know about it so neuroplasticity is the brain's ability it develops these pathways
right so if you're an alcoholic you have a pathway of alcohol right like you know but the good news
is it's got designed it that um it's 321 day cycles is that 60 63 days you can get rid of
alcoholism and break that thing so the problem with the neural pathway is if you keep driving
oh david the question is are you familiar with neural pathways so neural pathways are really
important to understand because when you have a habit the reason why a habit gets ingrained is
because you're creating a neural pathway it's a path through your brain right so porn is a neural
like if you're doing porn you created a road if you're doing alcohol if you're doing like it
doesn't matter what the addiction is you've created a neural pathway right so those neural pathways
are really easy to get into because your brain is used to going to them but if you can get off
out of the off the wagon right onto like um whatever so get sober whatever whatever you
can do to get off of that pathway so if like hunter you're talking about hey it's been a
month dude that's 21 days that's massive in four and 30 more days your your cravings are going to
be like nothing you can still get back in it but you're it's the images of cleavages or bikinis
but does that that counts too but just not the hardcore nudity stuff is what i'm sure too but
any improvement like like anything you can do to get off the wagon like and if you and if you fall
back in the rut get out as soon as you can um don't um a lot of times what people do is snowball
well i screwed up might as well just keep going down and doing the dance in the pond right
that actually re-establishes the neural pathway what you're trying to do is create a healthy
neural pathway with no porn with no substance addiction with no whatever it works for
for anything in your life.
If you wanna do something good, establish it.
And it also works for the better.
Now, one of the problems with porn is it,
oh, is it math or whatever?
Like, it works with your dopamine centers and stuff.
Like, and so it really gives you this high, you know?
It's like, like they say, it's more addictive than cocaine.
And it's also in private.
And so, so I would encourage you,
if you guys have a problem and it's a,
let's just say you fall and it's every night at six
when you sit down and you're on your computer,
change up your habits.
Don't do that.
Or, you know, you take your phone somewhere and whatever.
Like, change up the game so you can get free.
It's my encouragement.
One thing that helps is never bring my phone upstairs
or in my bedroom.
Yeah, see, there you go.
See, Hunter, you figure out something that works.
Fine, it's like, you guys, you find what works for you.
Like, what works for somebody else may not work for you.
But, but like the key is, is to get off of the wagon.
And if, even if you fall back on it,
this ends, it's, oh, six, eight?
Yeah, I don't always do Catholic match, right?
It's six, it ends in eight minutes.
This is, we're over in eight minutes.
Are you gonna go over?
Probably not.
So you guys, I just been loving on a dude who's crushed.
He met his dream girl.
And he even said, it's my own fault, right?
Like, you know, and so,
and I don't want you guys to experience that.
And you guys have an opportunity now.
Like, and Hunter's already taken it, dude.
I mean, and Hunter, I love that you started out with that.
And it's progress, not perfection.
See, the key, the thing is, is like, we're like, oh man.
And I, I've been doing this for 15 and a half years
and I was around churches that condemned
and I didn't disagree.
This is wrong, but I just didn't fulfill.
I was, wouldn't let go
and kept fulfilling the desires of the flesh.
Yeah, and the other thing you guys is hungry, ailing,
you heard, have you heard the term halt?
If you're hungry.
Yes, hunger, angry, lonely, and tired.
So if you're, if you're that,
figure out like the core reason why you're doing it.
Because generally you're not doing it for,
you're doing it to fulfill some sort of need
or some sort of,
and like, and that,
if you can eradicate the,
like do the hard work with the core issue.
For me, my temptation comes with depression
because my, my, my chemicals are low and yeah.
That's, that's cool, Chris.
Yeah, no, I mean, it's some,
sometimes you are blessed
with somebody who is understanding.
Yeah.
Oh, you don't want to hurt,
you want to hear this, this, this, this, this alarmed me.
Right?
I was watching, somehow I was like watching TV
and it was like a serial killer documentary.
And he talked about like,
it started with porn,
but then he couldn't get enough.
And so they ended up going and killing people.
Ted Bundy, that was Ted Bundy.
Is that Ted Bundy?
Yeah, like, it's, I'm like, what?
Like, I don't know if Jeffrey Dahmer's like that,
but definitely Ted, definitely Ted Bundy.
Yeah, and so like you guys, it's a downward spiral.
It's like alcohol, you drink some
and then it's not enough the next time
and you keep getting,
and, and like, it's, it's, it's a, it's a circle.
So get off the wagon.
If you fall back on,
I mean, you fall back in the rut, get out.
The more you do that,
you're, you're, you're doing good neural pathways,
which will then replace the old neural pathway.
And that after 64 days, I think it is,
that old neural pathway literally dissolves in your brain.
If you, if you want to geek out about,
Dr. Carolyn Leaf has all kinds of stuff on that,
but it's called neuroplasticity.
And well, and I would say that women who say
they don't care, they always care,
but some of them just have come to accept it.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
So like, get, get on the,
like, just stay on the wagon.
Like I, when I would screw up,
I would like totally beat myself to death, right?
And punish myself.
And then ended up staying off the wagon for weeks
before I get back on.
No, dude, even if you're in the middle,
If you've just watched porn, get back on the wagon, ask Jesus to forgive you, and just go through it.
And it says, you know, confess your sins to one another, and then you'll be forgiven.
So, like, I'm going to beat this to death, and I've already beaten it to death.
Get back on the good wagon, stay off the bad one. However you want to, you know.
But realize, the reason why it's so easy to get into those pathways is because they've grown so deep.
The longer you're off of them, the less of a draw they have.
And, like, I had to tell my ex, like, so, it was crazy, because I walked up, we were at a party,
and I walked into a freaking buzzsaw. I walk up, and I hear my wife's friend tell her,
oh, yeah, my husband has a really huge problem with porn. And my wife, she's like, oh, mine doesn't.
And then she looks at me, right? And I'm like, how? I walked in, and I'm like, actually, we need to have a conversation.
Yeah, like, masturbation, it's, okay, here's the thing, is like,
you're actually releasing and bonding yourself to whatever you're masturbating to.
You understand that you're creating a soul tie, right? Also, you know that one of the biggest
things nowadays, which I didn't know, right? There's a lot of people getting married,
and they can't actually have sex with their wives, because they've been so stimulated by porn, it doesn't even work.
Right? So, like, it's all a bad cycle. Does that, you know, and is it a struggle? Absolutely.
Do I know, like, I mean, it's, you know, Every Man's Battle was a book that really helped me,
you know, but you have to want it, and you have to get to the core need. I realized I had core needs
that led me to do this, to masturbation, to porn, to, I was an adrenaline junkie, right?
You know, like, so whatever, it was to cover something. So, if you can get to the core needs
and do the heart work on it, then you won't have as much of a draw. And if you can stop
getting your releases and your dopamine hits by watching it, then your brain will chemically,
like, detach. It's worse than alcoholism, you guys. So, like, you have to cut it out
and get out of that rut and develop a new healthy rut. And so, I don't know, you guys, I realized
we just have, we just got a minute or two left. Does that make sense, you guys? I don't, I want
you guys all to win. I agree, it is. Yeah, Mike, are we, what do we do about the phone numbers? Are
we allowed, am I allowed to have hunters or your number? Do you have to ask first? We don't do,
I'll ask David, but as far as I know, we don't do phone numbers. Can't ask other people in here,
either. Yeah, I don't know. I can get clarity on that, but as of right now, I'm gonna have to say
I've never seen it, so, therefore, I have to, yeah, I'm not sure. Well, just so we could take
all this offline, because we're kind of, like, bonding in here, you know? So, no, no, I understand.
Did they ever get the Facebook group back on? Yeah. Yeah, but so, and, but, so, you guys,
I mean, you have opportunity, I mean, like, to get ready for your next relationship and make
it amazing. I mean, and you're in the season that it's perfect. I'm doing my best to get ready,
right? And so, like, and, you know, and I hope my son, I consider him one of my sons, but
I hope she reconsiders, right? But, like, it was a big deal to her, right? And, like,
I just don't want you guys to have to have that conversation. And so, and you have a chance today
that if it is an issue for you, you can get it to go, you can get it to go away with prayer
and whatever. Like, it's a battle, but you can do it, right? I've done it. And so, and, like,
I can tell you having to have that conversation with your spouse is actually one of the worst
days of my life. And one of the most, I was so ashamed. And, but, you know, so, sorry, guys,
I just, I just really.
It came up this week, and I would be remiss if I didn't bring it up, because I want y'all
to win.
Chris has gone to work, so Lord Jesus, would you help these guys just get ready?
Would they encounter you this week as they go?
Would you watch over them?
Would you comfort them?
Would you give them clarity?
Would you help them with the heart work or show them what needs heart work and help them
get through that?
Lord, if there are any ruts that they're stuck in, I just pray that you would help deliver
them and give them the desire to.
But Lord, you came and set the captives free, and if anybody here is captive, I just pray
you break those bonds, and that the blood of Jesus would break those bonds, and they'd
walk in freedom, because that's what you died for, Lord.
But I just, would you encourage each one of these men, and just wisdom, clarity, and bring
them hope, in Jesus' name, amen.
So great job, Hunter, dude.
I'll see if I can do this entire week in a row.
Hey, go, dude.
Just don't see, do.
Do.
Don't say maybe.
Just do it.
You're a man.
Just do it.
That's what we do.
Right?
But I'm proud of you.
So anything else before we hop off?
I got like, yeah.
Blessings to you all.
Take care.