All right. Ladies, welcome. This is July 7th. I hope y'all had a really awesome holiday
weekend. It was definitely a busy one. I hope y'all had a really good time, got out, socialized,
you know, let people know you're single, ready to mingle. All right. Just really enjoy the
time with friends and family and just doing all the things. I hope that was good for you,
especially those that are our America friends. If you are not living in America, I still hope
you had a really great weekend and you got to enjoy that as well. I definitely was out of
pocket, but I am happy to say I was able to catch up on all the things in the app. So,
that was super exciting. I really, really loved catching up on all of that stuff
this last day or two. So, today our coaching theme is going to be
creating opportunities versus controlling outcomes. Okay. We're going to talk a little
bit about dating discovery and kind of stepping into our divine feminine that it's not about
making things happen. All right. It's really about faithfully participating with Jesus
and allowing God to reveal the things that you can't see. Okay. And it's not our job.
Simply, it's just not our job. Our job is just to create opportunities, is to take those faithful
steps, to walk in the obedient thing, to do the next best thing. And God gets the role as
the one who gets to take control there. All right. He's the one in charge of the outcome.
That's something that I need reminded of daily. I don't know about you,
but I need reminded of that daily. So, we're going to go ahead and get started.
Before we do, I just want to kind of celebrate things that I'm seeing in the community.
I think that's always important. I think the engagement is effective and it's really helpful
when we're highlighting what you ladies are doing. Super, super important. It's really
a big component of why this community is as successful as it is. Okay. I was a single myself
when this community started. And one of the greatest treasures was the community and the
relationships that I built in this community. And the fact that I had a place to land and share
the good times, the bad times, the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, the ugly. Okay.
I could cry it out and I could celebrate. All right. And then I could come and just
be the negative Nancy every now and then. Okay. I wouldn't encourage being negative all the time.
Okay. But every now and then, we're going to give ourselves a little grace if you kind of just have
to let it out. We get it. Okay. We might have to nudge you if we kind of recognize it's happened a
little too frequently. Okay. Sometimes I need that myself. Sometimes I need a little heart check.
All right. But this is the place where you get to do that. And every single one of your sisters
and your coaches, we get it. We have the grace and the space for you. So some things I noticed,
I saw a lot of women that are just like courageously stepping back into dating.
Like I know this phase can freak some of the ladies out when you move from phase one to phase
two and we're like, you get to date. Like, yeah, there's ladies that are like, let me dive in.
Teresa's over here. She's like, no, I was like that too. I was like, uh, no, thanks.
First, can I just dip like I just want to dip my toes in like I just you know, I want to pretend
like I'm in the pool. And so seeing you ladies come out of hiding and stepping into that courage
that's huge and so I definitely want to celebrate that this week with y'all that are doing that.
Um, I'm seeing several women slowing down in their decision making. That's super important. Okay.
Um, it, it's very easy to get ahead of ourselves and get super anxious and like, oh my gosh,
I have to make a decision. And so when we slow down that process and we seek the wise counsel
and we're like, okay, let me gather my thoughts. Let me like make sure I've got the information
correctly and let me take it to the Lord. I don't know about you all, but there's so many times that
when I make decisions and I haven't slowed down enough to spend time with God,
I'm typically not making the wisest decisions. I see Lisa, you're agreeing with me. So, you know,
I, I really believe that many of you get what I'm talking about. Um, and so I think that's
really huge. I see lots of you bringing your fears, um, into the community instead of carrying
those things alone. I know that vulnerability for a lot of us can be very scary and it's stretching
us. And ladies, I want to encourage you to keep doing that because your vulnerability and your
courage helps other women in this community gain the courage themselves to do the same thing.
Like that always helps me when I was in this community as a single, like I was like,
I can't take this here. Like this is embarrassing. They're going to, you know,
and then I'd see someone post something slightly similar and I'm like, oh, I'm not alone.
And like, I got to share my experience and guess what? Like there wasn't, it wasn't a coincidence
that someone else was experiencing the same thing because a lot of times
it was frequently happening to several of us. Like God was highlighting
something in the community because he wanted us to see something. And so I really want you
to encourage not to hold back, but to really press in and get vulnerable and come and share
what's happening, not just here in our, our live group chats, but in the app and then go
check out what your sisters are sharing. Um, I'm seeing lots of curiosity instead of like
rushing for the certainty. Talked a lot about certainty over the last several, um, teachings
that's definitely been highlighted. So like I said, sometimes God just highlights something
that's been like frequent for all of us. Um, I know that's been something that's even in my season.
Um, and so I'm starting to see that teaching get rooted and it's really awesome. Um, and just
women are allowing in this community for God to uncover deeper layers of heartwork.
And I know like I've, you know, I've been coaching now for gosh, it's almost been three years,
I think two and a half, almost three years I've been in this community for, I mean, it'll be,
you know, over five years, almost six. And like, I've seen so many women move from phase one to
phase two and they get really nervous thinking that, you know, they did all this work and
heartwork and it was really, really good for them. And they were really confident about the work
because they really spent time there. They were intentional about it. And then there's a fear that
it goes away when we start dating and we're going to forget it all. Y'all, you're not going to
forget it in phase two. You learn the.
principles of heartwork in phase one and spend time absorbing it, phase two is putting it into
practice. So you don't lose it. We actually show you how to apply it. So we're going to walk you
through that process. Frequently, you'll notice I'm going to coach you in very similar in the
way that we would coach you in heartwork. I've been through the heartwork numerous times,
daily sometimes. Heartwork never leaves us. And so I want to celebrate that. I want that to be
an encouragement. I know I take a little time to really focus on that celebrating, but I really do
think it's important because I want you ladies to be encouraged and it to spark a hope in you
to keep you moving. Okay. And I want you to remember that this community isn't about getting
dating perfectly. It's not. It is about becoming the woman who you know God wants you to be.
He wants you to know how to walk with him while dating. It's not about doing it perfectly. Well,
have guardrails. We won't have rules, but we'll have guardrails because ladies, let me tell you,
you're going to need some guardrails, especially if you're me. Y'all, I need those guardrails.
Like they possibly could have been put into place because of me.
My guardrails are probably all dented up. I mean, I'm just going to be real.
All right. I made the mistakes over and over and over again. Like I was the reckless driver.
Like my husband thinks I am reckless at driving. I think it's him, but in all reality, like
if he really knew me before the heartwork and like going through the heartwork process
before meeting him, he ain't lying. I definitely needed those guardrails. And so I want that
just to be loving and gracious for yourself. Like, yes, if, yep, absolutely the gray hairs. Y'all,
I have to get the highlights to cover my own grays because I give them to myself
because I just do it to myself. And so I just want you just to remember this
isn't about doing it perfectly. It is about who are you becoming? Like the new person
that you are stepping into that God has just already created you to be. Like, I don't,
every time I step into this call, right before I step into this call, ladies, I pray
privately and I don't typically share like things that come to surface in my prayer time before I
jump on this call. But I felt today was really significant because God really highlighted to me
like the new wine and Matthew 9, 17. And y'all, they didn't, they didn't put new wine into old
wine skins. They use new wine skins. Ladies utilize the new information that you've gained
in heartwork so that you can be new wine. I just want you to resonate with that,
pray into that. I'm going to release that over you ladies.
Um, quick housekeeping. First, do I have any brand new ladies to phase two? I don't think I see.
Lou, are you brand new? You're not brand new. You're shaking your head.
Um, were you with me last week? Maybe you just didn't come on camera. Do you do eight o'clock?
She's typing. I see her typing. I got L Renee. She's new. Welcome. It's so, um, okay. Awesome.
Awesome. So glad to have you back on Tuesdays. I love that ladies. I don't want y'all to get
discouraged and think, Oh, I haven't been, so I can't, I can't come back. No ladies.
It's okay. Every day is a fresh day. Every day is a new day.
Come back in, all right, come back to Tuesday.
All right, so we definitely welcome you.
I'm so, so thankful that you're here.
So yeah, welcome.
I want to encourage you ladies to replay,
watch those replay, engage in the replay.
For those ladies that are not on right now live,
watch it and engage with us, okay?
We want you sharing what you got from this.
We have the two sessions.
If you come live to one, go watch the other.
It's the same teaching and same content,
but ladies, it's a different class.
It's two different teachers, a whole new set of ladies
asking all new different questions.
Holy Spirit is coming in this session at eight o'clock.
So if you can do both, do both.
But I really, really encourage you to do your best
to at least come to one live and watch the other.
I want to remind you, we do have one-on-one coaching.
I've had a lot of ladies signing up for that.
I know myself, Ebony, Renee,
we've definitely have been taking lots of calls
and it's been really wonderful.
I've got an amazing update today in my inbox
over the weekend.
A girl has just got tremendous breakthrough.
And so not that a one-on-one call means
that's where you get breakthrough.
You get breakthrough here, through group coaching,
through actively coming to the app and sharing.
But there are some ladies that do find value,
like, hey, I need the extra 50 minutes.
And so we do offer that.
That's in the resource section of the app.
There is an additional charge.
It's not included in the membership, okay?
But I don't want you to think like, oh, I have to do it.
Yes, Laura, I'm so glad that you come to both.
I love that.
So thank you for doing that.
And Laura, I'm sure you can say like,
yeah, some of the same content,
but it's completely different.
I, like, Ebony and I are still trying to connect
to figure out, we wanna do a joint session together
because I just love Ebony.
She and I are just like two peas in a pod.
We just, like, I love her.
We tried to get together a few weeks ago
and then the weather was horrible.
And I was like, ah, I can't drive in this weather.
But we are hoping that we can do that soon this summer
since she's on summer break from teaching.
So, but yes, love that you're able to do that.
Continue to keep doing those activations, ladies.
Keep remembering our culture.
It's important that every woman here
deserves the opportunity to receive thoughtful coaching
that's safe and supportive.
So that's what we wanna hold really, really sacred
in this environment.
And so the best way to protect that
is to allow our coaching team to be the ones
that guide and reflect those coaching questions.
I know it's really easy to kinda wanna step into our gifts
and coach women along and encourage them.
I want you ladies encouraging one another.
I want you engaging with each other.
I really want you to be mindful about the coaching piece,
the advice giving, the question asking.
Okay, cause that can sometimes add some confusion.
Now I'm not saying that some of you ladies
are gonna make strong connections
and you're gonna connect
and you're gonna be praying for one another.
Like we want you engaged in doing that.
So, but just really be mindful of that.
Really be praying as you engage with one another.
All right, I'm gonna be quick for our prayer
so we can get started.
Lots of great things to teach you today.
And then we can take your questions.
So Holy Spirit, I just thank you
for this opportunity today.
Lord, I just, I can't thank you enough
for the beautiful opportunities that you reveal to us.
I thank you for the ways that these women show up.
I thank you for the vulnerability that's in their hearts.
I thank you for their openness.
I thank you that even in those moments
where things might feel like there's a crushing
or a pressing, that they are loved.
Laying it down to you.
They are open and willing to receive and you to create a new wine in them.
Lord, I ask that in this session today that you use this opportunity to teach us,
to heal us, to show us, to grow us, and just help us to trust you with only the
things that you can do. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen, amen.
Okay, so if you were on the call, if you jumped, you were the first one to jump in,
you did hear our session this week is creating opportunity without controlling
the outcome. As I was catching up on all the posts this week, I really noticed a
lot of questions were different. So a lot of those questions sounded different.
They're, you know, hey, coaches, what should I do? Should I sit next to them?
Is the, you know, should I answer this message?
How should I answer this message?
What should I do with this?
Should I be making the first move?
Is this person love-bombing me?
Like, what should I do here?
I don't even know if I'm ready to date.
Can y'all help me discern if I'm ready to date?
I need some help here.
You know, do I keep moving forward?
Do I need to press pause?
Right?
Have any of those questions come up for you this week?
Ladies, I always have those questions in this community.
I am one of those people that I'm like, I need help with my decisions.
Okay, I just need it.
Like, I just want to be sure that I'm making the right decision.
Like that was something that I've had, like God has had to grow me in and
I'm not always perfect at it.
So yes, we're hearing different questions on the surface.
There are different questions.
But if we really like dig and like look underneath.
They're all inviting us to the same thing.
Every single woman in this community.
Is at some point?
No matter where you're at in this walk.
Is going to wrestle with the tension between.
How do I faithfully participate?
Without trying to control this outcome Lord.
Ladies, it's daily.
That is a daily tension.
If we're not careful, it's very very easy.
We have to remind ourselves.
When we wake up.
Lord, help me not to control the outcome.
Help me to walk with you.
What does that look like?
I want you ladies to stop.
What does that look like for you?
Faithfully participating in control, not controlling an outcome.
Sit with that for a moment.
What is Holy Spirit wanting to speak?
To you and reveal to you something comes up in your spirit ladies.
Go ahead and share that in the chat.
Love it.
Yeah, relax.
Y'all that is something I noticed frequently like I have to go to the
chiropractor every week.
Because I naturally carry stress.
I'm not a person who's like, I'm not a person who's like, I'm not a person
who's like, I'm not a person who's like, I'm not a person who's like, I'm not a
carry stress.
It is something that I am constantly needing to seek the Lord with.
I will frequently recognize how easy and how without thinking about it.
I tense my body up.
I clench my jaw.
I like tense up, like even when I sleep at night,
like it's crazy.
And I'm like, why am I always so sore in the morning?
Like, why do I always feel tight?
I mean, every week I go to the chiropractor
and he's like, gets this like crazy crack in my neck
and he's like, dang.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, like you would think,
I'm like, okay, is this gonna last for a month?
Can we just, can I not see you for a month?
No, like I just need to go to him every week.
Now I'm not complaining, it feels good, but relax.
You know?
You know, letting go.
I had a really big opportunity to do that this week
and y'all, there was a lot of stretching for me this week.
Lots of things God was revealing.
And so I really wonder if that is exactly
where God has been inviting us all this week.
That is what a lot of these questions really surfaced.
And so that's why I just really felt in my heart
to pray into this teaching this week
and he just revealed so many
little pockets of wisdom
that I've experienced in this process
and nuggets that I've experienced myself,
what I've seen other women experience,
things that I remember Jackie teaching me
that really do go along with a lot of the things
that we teach in phase two,
which is all in our content, okay?
That's all there, it's all those teaching,
all those videos,
make sure you're watching those one a week.
So I wanna tell you a story.
And this came up this week,
I think it was Fran that I shared this with her
and we were talking about,
how many of you have heard Jackie talk
or have heard in our teachings,
Jackie talk about dropping the hanky?
Y'all, I see some yeses, okay?
So yeah, y'all, Jackie
taught about this dropping the hanky
really early in the beginning
when I was in the community.
I joined way back in 2020, okay?
And she explained this whole process to us
and it was like,
she shared with us like, okay, you gotta drop the hanky.
And I'm like, you're like, what?
And at the time, I think Bridgerton,
that like Netflix series
had just like come out
and like, it was like a big like thing
that a lot of ladies were watching.
And it's like a historical thing,
like it's like set in like, I think the 1800s ish,
you know, it's like colonial time, I don't know.
Like it's, anyway, that's not important.
What's important is that it's set back in the old times
in like this like high society.
Yes, like the Regency area, like, yes,
like Downington Abbey, like that kind of whole thing.
Like that kind of whole, like, you know,
the women kind of coming out in society,
like, hey, I'm ready to be married.
And so they would go walk on these promenades,
you know, they would just walk around,
they'd have their, you know, little chaperone
and everybody that like all the available women
looking for a husband
and all the men were looking for the wives,
you know, wanting to pick, you know,
wanting to see what, you know, what was out there
would be walking around.
And so, and then they had these socials, these balls,
and, you know, they do these dances
and all that kind of stuff,
but they would have handkerchiefs.
And so one way the women made it possible
was to make it very clear that they wanted the man to know,
they wanted them to talk to them
and they were interested in like,
hey, don't be talking to anybody else,
come chat with me, like take interest in me, look at me.
they would drop their handkerchief on the ground.
It was the invitation for the man to pick it up
so he could hand it back to her
and strike up conversation.
It was an opportunity.
And so, firstly, Jackie teaches us this,
and I'm like, uh, no.
Absolutely not.
Like, are you crazy?
Like, I'm not doing that.
Like, no.
She's out of her stinking mind.
I'm sitting here thinking, like, Jackie,
let's, like, go look back at, like,
the old classic romantic movies, okay?
Y'all, and I'm not talking about, like,
the ones that are, like, modern day now, okay?
I'm talking about, like, Gone with the Wind,
Casablanca, like, the ones where, like,
the ones where we get the idea that, like,
the men are to pursue the woman, right?
That classic romantic movie, like,
I'm, yeah, no one's carrying handkerchiefs anymore, right?
We're not carrying handkerchiefs anymore,
so guess what?
There's a modern day of doing it, all right?
And so, I'm like, we're not doing that, Jackie.
I ain't dropping no hanky.
Like, I'm not setting myself up for rejection.
That's too scary.
Hello?
I want the romantic classic movie.
I want the man, like, the knight in shining armor, right?
And, like, I don't want to be the one chasing him.
Like, I get this all the time.
Like, ladies are like, well, I'm not supposed to chase.
I want a man that's going to lead.
And if I let him know, like, that's me leading.
And, you know, that's me trying to make it happen.
And so, I know some of you ladies are like,
but Carly told us that we're creating opportunity,
not making something happen.
Carla, if I do that, then I'm taking control.
No, ladies, it's not taking control.
What Jackie is teaching us is that
it's not about pursuing a man.
It's about participating with God.
It's allowing us the opportunity to present ourselves
to the opportunity for God to use,
for the man to step into that opportunity to show us,
is he going to lead?
Is he going to accept the invitation?
Is he going to then proceed?
Y'all, when Jackie taught this,
we just had invited men into the community.
And y'all, I was living in Sarasota, Florida.
I'm in my late 30s.
Okay, if you've ever been to Sarasota, Florida,
there, it's easy to have the stigma,
like, there's no single men in my age bracket.
Like, they're all going to be that retired age.
It's a very high cost of living.
A lot of people are retiring there.
You're going to see people in their 60s or 70s, whatever.
Or just, like, trust fund babies.
And I'm like, I'm not getting involved in that.
Or a lot of people that are just, like, already, like, married,
that are my age.
But when we started inviting men to the community,
I kid you not, there was a guy four years younger than me
that lived in the town next to me.
And y'all, he was cute.
Like, he was, like, he was good looking, all right?
And I was like, I already disqualified myself.
I'm like, there is no way this guy is going to be interested in me.
And I'm like, and Jackie's like, oh, you know, Carla, like,
oh, I mean, she, like, kid you not, she's like,
oh my goodness, like, he even kind of resembles your son.
And I'm like, shut the front door, Jackie.
Like, stop, stop encouraging this.
Like, he's not, he's not going to reach out.
And she's like, strike up a conversation.
I'm like, I can't do that.
Y'all, it took me a while, but, because I was terrified.
I was like, there's just no way this guy is not going to be interested in me.
I eventually did, like, get on a chat and, like, message him
and connect with him.
And I, I dropped the hanky.
And ladies, he rejected me.
Okay, but, okay, hold on.
There's more to the story.
somewhere in the story, he rejected me.
And I like, like that was in of itself.
I was like, see, this is why I wasn't supposed to do it.
All right.
But hold on.
Story doesn't stop there.
I do remember kind of going to Jackie.
Cause she'd bring it up again.
I'm like, Jackie, I did that.
And like, he wasn't like, and I told her about it and she's like,
Oh my goodness, Carla.
Like, I had no idea that you eventually like took me up on that before you did
that.
I found out that he had this pastor, like talking to him, um, and counseling
him and like directing him to take a pause on dating.
She's like, Carla had nothing to do with you.
It was really bad timing.
She's like, this is not, this has nothing to do with you.
She's like, it's a season that he's in.
She's like, like whatever.
And I was like, okay, okay, okay.
So he was still in our community for a while.
So several months gone by, we had a meetup.
Um, I think Jackie and David had came, um, several ladies from, um, the, I
think the area was a much smaller community then I think a few ladies flew
in, we all did a meetup in, uh, Tampa and he was one of the guys that came.
Y'all, I was like, I could, I get to see the cute guy.
I'm like, I get to see cute.
I'm like, but no, he's rejected me.
No, no, no.
So we reconnected.
All right.
And had a good time.
We all had a good time, all hanging out, you know, Jackie, David,
me, all the other ladies, like all that.
And over time we built a friendship.
And eventually Jackie encouraged me to drop the hanky again.
And I did.
I was like, Hey, it's been a while.
Why don't we catch up and do coffee?
Y'all he accepted the offer.
Y'all it was one of the most like refreshing dates that I had been on.
Like God used that date to highlight and reveal so many areas of
restoration in my heart.
All right.
I'm not going to go into super detail cause I still have lots of
stuff that I want to cover.
But at the end of the day, what I will tell you, he wasn't my spirit mate.
Okay.
Getting to know him, I really did gather enough information to recognize he
wasn't my spirit mate because one of my non-negotiables was someone that was
ready and prepared to be a father.
I had a son.
This guy was four years younger.
Great uncle, really great with kids.
But I didn't see.
And from what like God revealed to me, I really noticed there just wasn't, he
had, he wasn't prepared for that yet.
And come to find out, he actually met a girl and she was close friends with some
close friends of mine that I worked with.
And just recently, I think it was in the past, like couple months, they're married
And so like he got his love story.
I got my love story and God still used that opportunity.
So I say that to encourage you that yeah, dropping the hanky might stretch you.
Dropping the hanky doesn't always mean it's going to lead you to your spirit
mate, but what it is going to do is it's going to lead you to an opportunity to
do something incredible that you didn't even know you needed.
And so I really want to invite you to that.
There is a huge difference between having an opportunity, like partnering with the
opportunity and participating with God.
Like there is like, I don't know if I can say this, but there is a huge
difference between pursuing a man and partnering with God, two different things.
Opportunity belongs to us.
Outcome belongs to God.
Some examples of opportunities, ladies, is join a dating app.
Go.
to the single events. I see lots of ladies are going to like those speed dating events,
single meetups, going to concerts. I mean, go somewhere, okay? Sit next to someone.
Y'all, I was at church this couple weekends ago. One of the ladies, she's in her 60s.
I went on a retreat with her and she actually is like, was sharing with us back in February,
like this desire to get married. She's been married twice and she's like,
I thank God I want to be married again. I just don't know. Y'all, I ended up like,
she pulled me aside. We were talking and, you know, obviously I told her about Jackie
and Jackie's book, Modern Dating Sucks. And I was like, hey, join this book club.
I gave her the information. She joined the book club. She's now in the program.
And so I was connecting with her a couple of weeks ago. And y'all, when I was connecting
with her, she's like, oh, I went to this theater with another family in our community. Their son
does theater. And so she went to go watch him. And she's like, when I was there,
I saw this guy who was sitting by himself. And y'all, she went and sat next to him.
She then was like, he was awkward and all these kinds of things. But she had fun with it.
It didn't have the outcome that, you know, it didn't make a love connection,
but she put it into practice. And I was so excited for her. So like, she started to get,
she's starting to step into those opportunities. You know, ask the thoughtful questions to someone.
I think somebody is not muted and I forget how to mute everybody.
I always do this.
All right. Hopefully someone check your mutes, make sure you're muted.
You know, trust your community, let them know that you're open to dating.
Create those opportunities for yourself. The things that belong to God
are the questions, is this man going to pursue me? Is he going to respond? Is this man my husband?
Is this going to become marriage? Is this going to work out? Does he like me? Is he going to choose
me? Like, these are all things that are really beautiful desires. And what we really hope for
but ladies, these are not our burdens to carry. Matthew 11, 28 through 30.
Ladies, give your burdens to Jesus. His yoke is easy and light. Let Him carry the heavy load
This is about surrendering, but it's also about submission.
Go back to phase one, go back and pull,
go back into the heart workbook, go back and pull that permission slip.
Daily surrender, ladies. I said that earlier this, um, in this call, daily surrender.
But we also have to submit. We've got to submit to God's word. And He tells us,
do not carry that burden. It's not yours to carry. It's mine. Give it back to me.
Give it back to me.
Ladies, I am so guilty of carrying it. I have to do it daily.
Something that I have learned and I'm still continuing to learn
is creating an opportunity is not the same thing as creating the outcome.
That creating the opportunity is just saying I'm available.
I'm here. Lord, use me. I'm available. The outcome says I have to make it work.
That's coming from a scarcity mindset. Those are two different postures.
Two totally different postures.
Surrender is the trusting part. Submission is the obedience part.
Obedience is key, ladies. Super, super important. Okay?
And I want to encourage you, like, spend some time praying about submission.
Go back to that section of hard work. I know it's there.
I know that word makes a lot of us ladies uncomfortable.
But I want you to sit with that.
Moving on, that dating for discovery that we talk about, stepping in that divine feminine,
it gives us the permission. It is that permission slip.
We create the opportunities. We're gathering the information.
We get to remain curious. We get to trust God with the things that we can't control.
Like, that's the purpose of it. Ladies, in the chat, what is it that Jackie tells you
this is a preparation period for what? What is this a preparation period for?
Put it in the chat, ladies. I want to see it. What is last year's single preparing you for?
I'm glad I'm asking you ladies to put this in the chat because I'm going to wake you ladies up.
Relationship meetings for marriage. Yeah, relationship marriage. Come on,
ladies. Marriage. It's preparing you for marriage. Yes, yes. I mean,
is there anyone here that's not here hoping that they get married?
Some of us might be doubting it. Y'all, I doubted. I did doubt. Okay. I was in this community
for a minute. And I was like, I don't know. This isn't for me. Like, I was on my last straw
before I met my husband. I was in this community for like two years, y'all.
I'm telling you, like, I was the girl that really struggled with surrender. I was the control freak.
I was hitting those guardrails really, really hard. I was not, like, I didn't want to surrender.
I didn't want to submit. Like, that was not my thing. Okay. I had a lot of fear. I had a lot of
walls. I had a lot of anxiousness. Okay. I wasn't just anxious. I was avoidant too. I mean, I like,
I was all over that road. Okay. So, there is nothing that you're probably going to share
in the app that I'm not going to be like, yeah, probably did that too.
There is no judgment coming from this girl right here, because I probably did it too.
Okay. We can compare stories and we'll compare stories after y'all are married. Okay.
Marriage taught me something. I mean, I'm getting ready to go on. We're about to celebrate three
years of marriage. We've connected and we've been together. We've met over three years ago.
I officially moved to Florida literally three years ago from this past weekend.
It was July 2nd or July 3rd of 2023 is when I officially moved to Texas, which y'all,
I was not going to move to Texas. And I've learned so much in marriage.
It creates so much opportunity and it doesn't stop once you're married.
I know some of you ladies in here have been married before and you'll get that.
Y'all, I had never been married before. Never been married. I had no idea what Jackie was
talking about. So, I get it. You ladies, if you've never been married, I know it might not
make sense or you think it might make sense. You are going to be so thankful
when you're married and you look back. I kid you not ladies, you are going to be so
thankful for the preparation that you did in this community.
when you're sitting in your house with your husband
and there's a challenge.
I kid you not, in that moment, I want you to remember,
Karla told me this was going to happen.
Y'all, I want you to find me, I want you to connect me,
and be like, Karla, you were right.
I needed it.
It's what I needed to prepare for the season
that I'm walking in into marriage.
Y'all, my husband makes a lot of mistakes.
OK.
I love my husband, but he makes some mistakes.
He ain't Jesus.
He's not perfect.
And honestly, and secretly, I actually
probably make more mistakes, which
is ironic because, y'all, I'm the dating relationship coach.
He's the one that's like the insurance guru
and the tech pro.
He does all the things.
What?
He's the one that should be making more mistakes, not me.
But ladies, the goal isn't about perfection.
The goal is about inviting Jesus into every part of the journey.
I know we think that if I can just get married,
the work is over, I have arrived.
Y'all, I believed that.
Y'all, when I met my husband, I was on cloud nine.
I was like, things were good.
I was like, breakthrough is coming.
I mean, there was celebration.
It's just things were going so good.
But ladies, we all know life happens.
And y'all, no sooner than I moved to Texas,
I have hit the ground running these last three years.
Kid you not.
So many opportunities, so many opportunities.
I mean, just this weekend was probably
one of the biggest moments in my marriage,
in my relationship with my husband, where I sat down
and had one of the most vulnerable, scary conversations
with my husband.
Y'all, I was so scared.
I was shaking and nervous when he got home,
because I knew we had to have a conversation.
He said we were going to talk when we got home.
You know, the enemy, like God is moving in our lives.
Like, there is a lot of amazing things.
But I kid you not, I took my eyes off Jesus,
and the attack was raw and real.
The old wounds that I thought I healed in heart work,
there was a whole nother layer.
And I was like, what?
And I had to get really vulnerable.
I mean, I sat across from my husband,
and I'm like, tears and tissues.
And I remember telling him, I'm like, uh.
Now I know what Adam and Eve felt like
and why they were hiding.
That's vulnerability.
You're going to have it in marriage.
And it's going to be beautiful, because ladies, I mean,
I've had some incredible moments with my husband.
The connection, the emotional, spiritual, intimate connection
that we were able to share was so beautiful.
God showed up.
And I can't help but thank this community and Jackie and David's
obedience for speaking, like for just doing what it would.
for being obedient. Y'all, I honestly, like I said, you're going to have a moment like that.
And you're going to, you're going to come back and be like, Carla, Kelly, meet yourself, honey,
Carla, I am so thankful you shared this with us because that's what gave me the courage and the
strength to remember Jesus has me and has my husband and we're going to get through this
and he's got my marriage. I'm prepared for this. I'm equipped. God has equipped me.
You're going to be so, so thankful. All right. I want to make sure we have at least a good solid
30 minutes. So weekly activation. I want you to practice separating opportunity from outcome.
All right. So I want you to choose one area where you've been trying to control the outcome.
Okay. So ladies, it could be dating. It might not be dating. It could be something with work,
family, friendships, health, fitness, something metal, whatever it is. Okay.
Now I was praying about this and I really did feel like God was like,
a lot of ladies do need to do dating.
Because I'm like, oh, well, not everybody's dating. I was not one of those ladies that date.
He really spoke to me. So I want, I want this to sit. If this is you, if you are not dating right
now, I really want you to take this to the Lord right now. Okay. Because this is, I really think
God is speaking to, to, to my ladies that have been holding off from stepping into dating.
There's fear, there's insecurity, there's a whole slew of stuff because
we're afraid we can't control the outcome. We don't know what it's going to look like.
And God wants to start inviting you into that season and you to start creating opportunities
because he's ready to accelerate your healing. Okay. Ladies, and it doesn't have to be big.
The opportunities that you open doors up doesn't have to be big. Just sit with God.
Sit with God. But I really, I really felt that. So I don't know if that's specifically for somebody
here. I think it probably is or somebody watching in replay, but I really want you to sit with that.
And so ask the Lord, what opportunity are you inviting me to create while I trust you with
this outcome? And share that experience in the app this week. Go ahead, throw up your hands,
ladies. What questions do you have? Remember, I actually have a lot more ladies than I feel like
I usually do. So let's make sure how many we got going on here. Ladies, don't be shy. All right.
This is the opportunity to really glean. Like I said, get yourself vulnerable. A lot of times
your question is actually going to give courage to someone else or it's actually going to highlight
something that God's wanting to do in the community. I'm trying to pull because I know
a lot of people were posting in the chat and I don't want to miss any of that.
But I, for some reason, cannot highlight. Sometimes I'd like to be able to pull all the
content and like go through after the call. So that I can make a separate post in the community
afterwards to, oh, there we go. To address anything that I might've missed.
It's just natural for me to sometimes take my eyes off the chat when Holy Spirit's moving.
So, okay. I think I've got five. I could be wrong. Six. I got six. Well, wait, maybe five
because is Cynthia C and Cynthia K might be the same person. I'm not sure.
No, we aren't. We don't know each other.
Well, yeah, two people. Yeah. I love it.
Oh my goodness, little twins, little twins.
Oh, by the way, ladies, I forgot to share in housekeeping.
Make sure you get registered tonight.
Okay, I don't know if you saw the notification.
Bethany sent a notification early this morning.
Y'all, and I was like not awake enough.
And I was like, is this the same time
as like our call with Ebony tonight?
Like, oh my gosh.
And there's like a double single spotlight tonight
with two guys in our community, two OGs.
All right, y'all, Josh and Dave.
I have met both of them.
Well, I've met Josh, okay?
He's in the United States, okay?
I met him actually at one of my friend's wedding
and really, really funny standup, really solid guy.
He's on tonight, he's being spotlighted.
And then Dave, Dave is from Alberta, Canada.
Like total, total, total, like amazing personality.
They're being spotlighted, all right?
They're both single, all right?
They've done hard work, all right?
And you're not gonna wanna miss it,
but in order to get the link, you've gotta get registered.
So you've gotta click on the link in the app.
So make sure you do that, okay?
You gotta come camera ready.
You gotta have your camera on, but ladies do not miss it.
I'm telling you, like even if you're like,
if they're not age appropriate, ladies,
I don't know what the rules are.
I'm gonna have to go back and look at that app
or that post in the app.
But they are a breath of fresh air.
Even if they're not in your age bracket,
you're gonna be very enlightened
by who these two God-fearing men are.
Like I said, I have met them.
Like I have met Josh in person.
I have had several conversations with Dave.
Like I said, he was one of the guys
that came very early on when I was in the program
and just a really like charismatic, great personality,
super easy to talk to.
Hey, even if you could be their mom,
I just like, I want you to see just what's out there.
I want you to be encouraged.
Exactly.
They might have a single dude that they know, okay?
Not lying.
I love it.
I love that perspective, Dana.
You work it, girl.
Work it.
All right.
So, all right.
I got six questions.
I am going to do my very best to get through them all.
Again, I wanna make sure that I leave the opportunity
for everyone to get coaching.
So, let's make sure we're leaving it short,
brief and powerful.
I love using these opportunities.
If I feel like there is a teachable moment
for the entire community,
be open for me to push it towards hard work, okay?
Also, sometimes we have more easy specific questions
like what should I do?
Sometimes I, you know, I'm gonna give you a direct answer.
We're gonna let Holy Spirit be our guide, all right?
Jesus is at the wheel, okay?
And if you have to jump off before I get to you,
go put your question in the app
and we'll address it so that you don't miss it.
And if you have to jump off before I even end the call,
if there's time and I can see it in the app,
I'll try to answer it here, okay?
I actually, I think that's where Fran had her question.
She posted it and I needed more detail.
She's like, Carla, like you're making me use more words
than I wanted to.
And so she was a good sport about it.
And that's where the hanky, the drop the hanky story came.
And it really did honestly help create this teaching.
So you see, you never know,
your question might lead to something
that God's just really trying to reveal.
Okay, Lou, I got you up on the dock
and then I got Susan and Cynthia Cave and Peggy.
Again, ladies, short, brief, powerful.
So we get through as many as we can.
How are you?
I was just laughing because I was like,
it's actually midnight,
this single spot night for me in England.
So I'm not going to be photo ready at midnight.
Understandable.
Something I'm discovering, I think,
that I just wanted to think is, so in the UK,
I know you'll all laugh when I say long distance,
because UK long distance is very different to American.
But I'm finding it just seems to be
that the guys I've met, too, and the guys
I've had conversations with, it's
like finding a time to meet because of the distance.
And because I'm in my 40s, the last guy
that I was chatting with and did go on a date with,
he's a single dad.
And I'm just chatting with someone else
who's about three hours away, which
I know doesn't sound that long distance,
but it is in England.
And I think what I'm noticing is a reluctance in me of like,
this feels like effort.
And I feel like I, it sounds really selfish,
but I feel like I wanted this season to be fun.
And this feels like effort.
And I also find, and I don't know if this is British men
or not, but it's like they go in at like 60 miles an hour.
Like, they're like, they just want it almost.
And I want to have fun and date.
I always say, I feel like I would date American men better
because I like the idea of kind of like,
you can go on three or four dates a week, perhaps.
I mean, maybe not at this age, but like, I
can't get past midnight.
Well, first of all, are you open to long distance
like across international?
Because we have ladies dating in America.
It's quite funny that on Arc, I know
that there's a load of men that like me that are from America,
but no English guys.
But I think, again, it's like, I don't
want to be doing having phone dates with people.
Like, I want to.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah, so I think that's where I'm at.
I don't know where I'm going with that, but it's whether,
well, I think where I'm going is, do I shut down
my distance even further to make it more localized?
OK.
Or am I overthinking this?
OK, so this is good.
I love this because this actually
helps us put kind of what we're talking into practice.
And there's a few things that I was like writing down
that kind of came in my spirit when you were talking.
One thing that I wanted to share is, ladies,
Lou was talking about, like, she's
dating guys in the 40s, like in that range, OK?
I was in my late 30s, and I'm 43.
And that is one thing that I also noticed.
So my ladies that are in the late 30s, 40s, 50s, like that,
and on, it's not uncommon for me to have
a conversation with them.
But it's also uncommon when you meet marriage-minded men,
like they're ready, OK?
And if you are, like, wanting to slow it down,
you are going to, like, it's going
to feel a little bit overwhelming.
And that's OK.
This is just giving you an opportunity, OK?
This is opportunity.
Boundaries, communication, letting someone know,
hey, I'm really flattered.
I'm really thankful.
It would make me feel more comfortable
if we slowed things down a bit.
If they're asking questions, you can put up those guardrails.
So you are given the opportunity to slow things down.
You get that opportunity.
And guess what happens when you do that?
You're giving God the ability to give you
information to gather of how that man's going to lead,
show up, and respect your boundaries, OK?
So that's one thing that I really
felt was really important to share when you should.
I know that doesn't necessarily answer your question.
And so the long distance, here's the thing.
One thing that I was thinking is,
what if you didn't?
put the pressure of the timeline of meeting.
Are you opening the door for the opportunity
and letting them know when you're available?
Yeah, I mean, the guy that I've just matched with,
it's literally been since the weekend,
so not quite then.
But the other guy, yeah, we were,
I was like, I understand it will be difficult
for you to meet up because you've got,
his son is SEN as well, so it was like,
he'd have to get respite for his son.
So I was like, here's when I'm generally available
sort of thing.
And he did take me up and he did,
he organized the date and all that, so yeah.
Yeah, it was a nice date, he's just not.
Yeah, I mean, you took the opportunity.
So putting that into practice
and that's what this is all about.
And so I know when things don't look, ladies,
the way that we hoped that they would look,
and there's some discomfort
that we're gonna have to experience and feel,
I want you ladies to press into that a little more
and really ask the Lord, okay,
what is it that you are growing in me?
What opportunity are you bringing forth
that I might miss if I don't focus on you, God?
And so like, again, I know there will feel
that reluctance because again,
we just want it to look the way that we want it.
That was me all the time.
Like, again, I don't know how many times I came
to the table and came to the community
and I was like, I just, you know, this isn't fun anymore.
There was a lot of discouragement, okay?
And it felt like effort.
I was a single mom.
Like, I only had like one night every two weeks
where my son was with his dad.
Like, I feel like I had a lot of opportunities.
And so that got really discouraging.
So it's just to remind ourselves like,
no, we gotta get creative.
We gotta get uncomfortable.
We sometimes have to take down the excuses
that we're giving ourselves, okay?
And get creative.
Let the Lord kind of give us some creative ideas.
All right?
It might not look the way that we want,
but there might be a reason it's not supposed
to look the way that we want.
Because maybe God's trying to do something
and show us something that we didn't even know we needed.
Okay?
So you get to just kind of sit with God and say,
okay, Lord, I have an opportunity here.
Do I shut down this distance?
Are you wanting me to get an opportunity
to date more locally?
Is that what you're leading me to?
Is that what you're wanting me to recognize?
Is that where, is that the information you're giving me?
Is that the wisdom you're leading me to?
Or do I leave it as is and get,
you know, a little bit more curious and let go
of what you want to do through this season?
How you want to operate.
That gets to be your process with the Lord.
How does that feel?
How's that land?
Yeah, no, that sounds good.
I think I'm quite good at narrating the story
before it has happened.
Girl, me too.
Me too.
Y'all, I'm so good at it.
I have it all played out in my head.
Because ladies, I'm like,
I gravitate towards that Enneagram six.
I will have every like hiccup, roadblock,
even mapped out, planned out.
And like, what like that's gonna look like
and how I'm gonna circumvent any rope.
Like, I've got it all mapped out.
I got, it's those books where it's like,
you choose the ending.
I don't need to choose it
because I already know what it looks like
because I've already got it into control.
But, you know, I don't think it's coincidental
that God is teaching us this surrender, submission,
let him control the outcome.
We just get to.
take the invitations and create the opportunities and invite God to kind of do with it what he will.
So thank you so much for your question, Lou. Hey, Susan, so good to see you.
How are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? Good. How's your summer? Good. Yeah, it's great.
So my question is, after every single date, you know, this is the furthest I've gotten with a
guy. I think we had three dates. So actually seems like decent and it could be something.
So are you supposed to after every single date,
text him the next day and say like, hey, I had a great time. I'd love to do it again.
Or is that what you've been doing? Yeah. So the first, so we matched,
so we're messaging back and forth, like briefly on Facebook dating. Then I said, hey, I'm not a
big texter. Would you like to FaceTime? Then he messaged back and was like, yeah, how about blah,
blah, blah. I'm like, all right. So we talked on FaceTime and he was really cool to talk to.
And he seems super intentional. Like his profile is like looking for a wife. And then he expressed
on all three dates, really, he's talked about how frustrated he was on the apps and starting to
like question his worth and his looks and stuff, because he's like, you'll match with people.
And then they don't say anything back. And so anyway, so we hung up, that was a Sunday
from the FaceTime call. And then like most guys, they'll text you, you know, like,
hey, it was really just talking to you earlier, you know, but he doesn't say he didn't say anything.
And I didn't get any like, hey, how's your week going text? Like nothing.
Okay. But do you remember what is it that you told him earlier? What did you share with him?
Nothing in particular, just like a normal conversation.
But what did you tell him? Hey, I'm not big on what?
Oh, a big texter. Yes, yes, yes. It's so funny how we can forget. Yeah. Okay.
You you kind of set like you kind of like, yeah, that could be why he might not be messaging you.
I'm not saying I mean, I don't know for certain. Again, we never have the certainty.
Yeah, we get curious about it, though. Right? Okay. We're gonna get curious about that. And
we're gonna be like, Hey, I know I mentioned that I am not big on texting. But
I do want to offer up the invitation like you can message me sporadically like you don't have to go
radio silent. Like you can kind of drop that little like invite there and see where he takes it.
Because it's possible. He's just respecting a boundary. Yeah, I forgot that I had said that.
I forgot that I had said that. Yeah. So, um, you know, and there's a thing and,
and, you know, maybe you lead it with, you know, hey, I don't, you know, I know I said this,
I wanted to reach out because I definitely am enjoying getting to know you would love to see,
you know what you're up to this week. Let like, you can always message me when you're available.
Like just because I said text me for like, don't I'm not into texting doesn't mean that
I wouldn't like to hear from you. Every now and then. I'm just not always messaging. I'm not
always on my phone messaging frequently. So if you message me, I might not get back to you
immediately. Something like that. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I love it. Thank you for that question.
That's a good question. Yeah. Good question. I could tell he liked me like a lot. Like
I had to end the dates cause he, he wasn't going to end the dates and I'm like, okay,
it's getting a little three days. He sounds intentional talking about marriage. I love it.
Like, yeah, you're right. And so that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm like,
well, if you said that maybe he's just being like a mature masculine marriage. Might've been.
Yeah. Maybe he's just, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. The information get curious. Don't
assume. Don't assume. Does he like me? Does not get curious. Well, it's just like, but I feel
like I'm the one who always reaches out. It was like, I reached out and said, it was nice face
timing with you. If you'd like to get to in person, let me know. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely
will. When I get back from this wedding in Texas that he set up. And that's great. Like ladies,
I want you to hear that. Like, there are going to be times that we feel like we're taking the lead.
And then some ladies are going to be like,
If you were me, I would be like,
oh my God, I can't believe he's not messaging me.
And I would write him off.
Because that was my attitude.
I struggled a little bit with entitlement in dating
because I had some wounds, ladies.
And it's not always the case.
Sometimes it's literally like,
oh, well the way I communicated that
could have landed differently.
Like, especially when we're texting, ladies,
like texting can be very off.
Even today, my husband sent me a text message
and I responded to him and I'm like,
I don't know what he meant by that.
Usually we go, he's been fasting.
God has prompted him to fast for 10 weeks straight
for three days each week.
And so he fasts from Sunday to Tuesday.
And so Wednesday morning,
we always go to breakfast together to break his fast.
And he messaged me, he's like,
hey, one of the guys from small group connected with me
and wants to meet for breakfast on Wednesday.
And so that's kind of how he left it.
And he's like, it was really cool.
And he's like, it's so-and-so, like the egg whiz,
this guy makes the perfect eggs.
And I'm like, I started messaging him back
and I'm like, oh, well, I have a hair appointment at nine,
so that's no big deal.
And then I was like, well, was he telling me that
because he was letting me know he needed to disinvite me?
Like, is he saying like, sorry, babe, no wives allowed?
Or was he giving me a heads up
like someone else is gonna join us?
I just started responding to him and I really had no clue.
And so I started messaging and then I'm like,
well, unless you want me there,
I mean, I don't wanna mess up the like bro code
and you guys might not be able to talk about manly things.
So I want, like I say that to remind you ladies
that when we're texting,
sometimes there is miscommunication there.
There's misinterpretation of what we mean.
And so we don't want to kind of just assume
we wanna get curious.
We wanna ask more questions.
We wanna make sure that we're communicating.
And if you ever need wording on how to approach something,
like that's what Ebony and I are here for.
Like we can help you construct and draft those words
to where it doesn't feel awkward.
Like that was always my like fear.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this makes me feel really awkward
and puts a spotlight on me.
And I feel like a weirdo.
So I love that question.
I think that one was really, really valuable.
So thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yeah, I just, I feel like after each date,
I'm the one the next day that says,
hey, I had a really great time.
I'd love to do it again.
But like, do I have to do that every single time?
Well, no, because now you're gonna open that invitation.
So now you're gonna get curious.
You're gonna communicate.
This time you're gonna offer the opportunity
and then you can kind of see where he takes it.
You're gonna see his response.
You're gonna gather information.
Yeah, because I feel like the date was Friday.
I reached out the day after, hey, sorry.
Like I had a great time, good conversation.
I hope you got rehydrated
because he got sick on the date.
Then he said something and then that was it.
But like, I feel like he can't be that, I don't know.
When it was a holiday weekend too,
I will tell you like, I was out of pocket for the weekend.
Like it was, was this over this past holiday weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was a busy weekend.
Like I was out of pocket too.
People are traveling, it gets busy.
So I would say, get curious,
open yourself up to create an opportunity
and then don't control the outcome.
Let God kind of reveal what it is that he wants to do
and go from there, okay?
But what does that mean?
Does that mean I don't say anything, I just wait now?
No, you're gonna open the opportunity like,
hey, you're gonna do what I said.
You're gonna say, hey, I know I said,
I'm not big into texting,
but I'm okay with a sporadic text every once in a while.
If you wanna connect,
let me know when you're available this week.
and see where that lands and then you just then you let it go and at that point that is where
you've opened an opportunity that man gets the opportunity and god gets to show you
how does that man want to lead pursue and you're going to see by his actions
what he's trying to communicate to you okay yeah because at the end of the date i thought it was
weird like he was kind of venting about the dating and he's like i don't know it seems like
women don't flirt anymore and i'm like he's like i don't even know if they desire me and i'm like
is that directed towards me or is it just in general and i'm like he's like i know women get
you know like a lot of stuff but it just seems like women don't flirt anymore and then he's like
i don't know it's just okay then before i i i want to still make time for the other ladies but
yeah sorry thank you i just i i i'm a talker i could we could totally have a conversation
it was fine it was one more minute but it's okay yes um all right cynthia you're up next cynthia
cave and then um if there's time we've got peggy karen and cynthia see if you want to go put your
question in the chat i also see a question from jennifer so i'm going to look at that as well i'm
it's we're cutting close to time so i'm not sure what i'm going to be able to get to
so definitely make sure to post it here in the chat and go in the app if i cannot get to you
all right cynthia how are you i don't know if you saw my response i saw it last night okay good
good good good thank you i'm not going to switch my camera on i'm in this really remote remote
location i hope you can hear me uh i just think maybe camera will be just too much data and it
might because it keeps freezing so good that's fine like it's late where you're at too so we get
it no no no no it's not late here um it's early it's evening it's evening but it's not it's not
too late yet um so um yeah so yeah with with tricks we so we said okay um we're going to spend
the summer together um moving forward but i kind of feel myself panicking the whole time because
he's really taken that now is it right i've decided i want to get married um bar any major surprises
this summer and i realized that that yeah i'm just not that far so i keep panicking on that
um but in the meantime i've been doing my sitting with god and um you know with the whole safety
thing realizing i don't have i don't feel safe generally in life and um uh one of the things
this is it's like a heartwork question really um i think um jackie always talks about victimhood
which is not something that i really had noticed with me before but one of the things i've noticed
was a kind of blaming people for stuff and i remembered that she said blame was a you know a
characteristic of being a victim in a victim mindset you know where you don't feel that you
yourself have got agency to do things it wasn't so much with tooks it was actually with other
people um and what i've also been noticing is just such a sense of inadequacy and shame and i think
part of the problem with tricks is that i'm so unclear and so unsure about what i want and feel
unable to make a decision and it's all like coming out of this yeah this kind of shame and
inadequate sense of inadequacy and um one time when i was sitting with the lord i he he i was
reading colossians one and it talks there about how the father has qualified us for the inheritance
and the saints and the light but this word qualified really stood out to me and i've been
trying to ponder that but it's not somehow hitting me deeper and i'm thinking i was trying
to think back with the heart work you know at least i could repent for my blaming i can but
i don't really know how to move forward with it and i was wondering if you have any tips
um so yeah i'm hearing you talking you know
there's so much that i relate to yeah um and you saw my response to you when you were sharing
i i kid you not you shared the part about the car and
i have been processing this weekend and there was a memory that i had with my husband and i
there was a memory that i had with my husband and i in the car going down to austin i think
i shared that with you um oh
No, I don't know.
I might not have.
Well, I kind of, I might've like left it out,
but I, in my head when I was responding to you,
like that was in my head.
It might be in your latest post.
I only saw it very briefly.
No, I like, I honestly,
cause I like, I was like, okay,
she didn't need to know,
she didn't need to know all the details,
but it was really significant
because I remember being in that similar space
throughout my whole journey.
Like, I think you might've heard me earlier today.
Like I really struggled with decision-making.
I really just wanted to know the answer
that the wanting to kind of know the outcome of things,
wanting to be the one to just kind of like,
I just want to know, getting curious about things,
really having to surrender and submit
that God's got me and trusting.
And, you know, you share the victim mentality,
that victim mindset, you know, blaming people.
I still can find myself trapped in operating that way,
where things are not going the way I want them to go.
And it doesn't look the way that I want it to look.
It's because someone's in my way.
Someone's like, and so I relate to that.
Cynthia, like one thing that I want you to
give yourself grace for and sit with is
you are seeking the Lord so beautifully.
And like when I coach you and I, you know,
and when the women get to see this, I'm like,
what a beautiful example of her posture of going to Jesus.
And so I don't, I want you to sit in that peace
and that stillness that you're in relationship with Jesus
and you're safe.
He's got you.
And when you were sharing, it reminded me,
and I wrote this word down and it came up in our community.
I think a couple months ago
and someone had to even remind me recently,
the word over-functioning.
Oh, yes.
Does that hit?
It is really easy,
especially if we feel like we've been victims
that we've got to protect ourselves.
We got to do all of the functioning.
No one else is going to do it for us.
So we got to do it.
We got to go get all the answers.
We got to collect all the data.
We've got to go figure it all out for ourselves.
And what happens,
and I had to like,
I literally just recognized this myself recently,
is what was happening is I was exhausting myself
to the point that the exhaustion alone,
God couldn't get any clarity to me.
I was too exhausted.
I was over-functioning.
So even if he was trying to like,
send me all the neon signs,
like I wasn't gonna get it.
I mean, thank you, Jesus.
This morning, like y'all,
I was up till like four or five o'clock
in the morning this morning, like wired, okay?
And my alarm goes off at 8.30.
Oh, wow.
And I'm like, I look at my phone
and I saw Bethany's share about the double single spotlight.
Y'all, I completely missed that
that was for seven o'clock Eastern tonight.
And I'm like messaging her.
I mean, like, do I need to let the ladies know
that we only have one session today.
Like I'm sitting here thinking like, did I miss something?
Like, y'all, I was so exhausted and so tired.
The information was right there for me,
but I was so exhausted.
I had over-functioned and overworked myself.
I didn't, I couldn't slow down enough
to like clearly see the information.
And so I want you to,
I want you to sit with that.
And again, I know you're spending time with the Lord.
I want you to rest in that.
You've made a decision, okay?
That decision is done.
The summer's gonna happen.
And guess what?
You get to cast that load and that burden
onto Jesus's yoke.
He's gonna carry that for you this summer.
He's going to use that opportunity
to bring forth situations and circumstances
and opportunities to highlight to you,
to give you opportunities to grow,
to grow, not just whether it's with or without
your spirit mate, whether it's, you know, tooks or not,
you're gonna grow.
God's gonna use this opportunity to grow you.
He's creating you to be the new
that he already designed you to be.
Yeah, amen.
And so now you get to lay and submit
and surrender everything else to him.
And, you know, I would love to tell you
that there might not, that it's gonna be like smooth sailing
and, you know, it's gonna be easy breezy.
I don't wanna give you false hope.
I wanna prepare you.
There may be pressing and crushing in this season,
but rest, sit at his feet.
Do not over-function.
You are safe when you are at his feet.
Feet.
We get the most refining and growth in the pressing.
Diamonds, beautiful, beautiful diamonds
are compacted with pressure.
Do not be afraid, ladies.
Do not be afraid of the pressure and the crushing
and the refining and the pressing.
It's opportunity, it's God is inviting you
and you are safe with him.
We don't have to over-function.
He's our partner, he is.
We get a yoke up with Jesus
and it is preparing you for what's to come.
And we don't know what that looks like,
but God is good.
Cynthia, thank you so much for being vulnerable.
Like you are a treasure
and I just, you add so much value to this community.
There's so much wisdom that your walk
is helping plant seeds in all the women
that are on this journey with you.
And so you got us to support you.
You're not in this alone, okay?
In those moments where it gets scary and you get panicked,
you got us.
All the time.
All the time, I mean, you message and we praying, okay?
All right, ladies, Peggy, Karen, Cynthia, Laura, I am, I apologize, I know we went over.
If you can throw your question up in the app, I want to get to those.
I think someone, real briefly, the single spot, not single spotlight, it's a double
spotlight is in the app.
You got to register for it.
All the information is there.
I think it's seven o'clock Eastern, but again, time zones, clearly I messed up all the time
zones this morning because I had like three, three and a half hours of sleep.
I've been down in coffee like nobody's business, but my kids are all at beach camp.
I have no kids and my other son's in Michigan with his father, so we good.
So I will find, I will find some time to sleep.
I'm not going to be stressing too much, okay, I'm going to let God, God kind of lead the
outcome here, but all right, ladies, I'm going to quickly close us in prayer and let you
be on your way.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you for reminding us today.
You never asked us to carry the outcomes.
You never gave us the responsibility.
It was yours.
You were always going to carry it for us and we never had to throw it on our backs.
Help us to faithfully create opportunities while trusting you completely with the results.
Teach us, show us, heal us, grow us.
In Jesus name, amen.
Ladies, have a great Tuesday.
I think there's a few more questions.
I got to make sure I pull these.
I'm going to try.
I got to end this call.
Where are we at here?
One of these days, I'm going to have to like hire one of you ladies to just come help me
out with the grabbing the questions so that I don't miss this.
All right, ladies, thank you again.
Have a wonderful day.
Check out the spotlight.
Go to Ebony's or at least watch hers in replay.
Tell your girlfriends that didn't make it to live today, tell them to go watch this
replay and make it to Ebony's call tonight.
All right, talk to you later, ladies.
Love you.