WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.200 Kim, Amanda, Jessica. 2 00:00:08.200 --> 00:00:09.200 I'm sure there's more. 3 00:00:09.200 --> 00:00:10.600 I can't see the screen right now. 4 00:00:10.600 --> 00:00:13.200 Oh, it's just six of us. 5 00:00:13.200 --> 00:00:14.200 Daisy. 6 00:00:14.200 --> 00:00:15.200 Lovette. 7 00:00:15.200 --> 00:00:18.600 So good to see you again. 8 00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:19.600 Is that Kiara? 9 00:00:19.600 --> 00:00:22.600 Kiara, is that how your name is said? 10 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:23.600 Yeah. 11 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:24.600 Cool. 12 00:00:24.600 --> 00:00:25.600 All right. 13 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:26.600 Let me change. 14 00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:27.600 All right. 15 00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:28.600 Amanda. 16 00:00:28.600 --> 00:00:29.600 Hey, ladies. 17 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:30.600 How's everything going? 18 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:31.600 Hmm? 19 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:32.600 Okay. 20 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:33.600 Mm-hmm. 21 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:39.880 I hope we have some updates tonight. 22 00:00:39.880 --> 00:00:45.280 I've been enjoying my summer break. 23 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:49.480 Still questioning my reason for working, except for when I have to pay my bills. 24 00:00:49.480 --> 00:00:55.920 And so every time I'm out for the summer, I'm like, why do I do this? 25 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:58.640 Why do I do these things to myself? 26 00:00:58.680 --> 00:01:04.440 Surely, surely there's a better way. 27 00:01:04.440 --> 00:01:08.040 But anyway, hey, Karen. 28 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:11.040 It's so good to see everyone come in the room. 29 00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:14.640 We're just going to open up with a little prayer. 30 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:16.440 We'll keep it real simple. 31 00:01:16.440 --> 00:01:20.840 You know, Lord, teach us, show us, grow us, stretch us. 32 00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:24.080 I haven't written down what Jackie always says, but those things. 33 00:01:24.080 --> 00:01:26.800 Teach us, show us, heal us, grow us, and help us, Lord. 34 00:01:26.960 --> 00:01:30.160 I thank you for every lady that is gathered here on tonight. 35 00:01:30.160 --> 00:01:35.120 I thank you for the opportunity we get to come together as one, to stand on solid ground 36 00:01:35.120 --> 00:01:40.480 on what we believe, that you are the ultimate matchmaker, and that you've written a love 37 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.280 story with our name on it. 38 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:47.120 And so if nothing in their world has reminded them of this truth, I come with an announcement 39 00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:51.720 that the Lord God is working in your favor, that he who began a good work in you is faithful 40 00:01:51.720 --> 00:01:57.080 to complete it, that God makes all things beautiful in his time, that nobody can make 41 00:01:57.080 --> 00:02:02.840 you up like the Lord can, because in the beginning, God created Adam, and out of his body, he 42 00:02:02.840 --> 00:02:06.560 took woman, and Adam looked at her and said, I know you. 43 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:10.240 You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and I will call you woman. 44 00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:13.800 And I just declare over you that your husband is going to look at you, and he's going to 45 00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:15.600 say, I know you. 46 00:02:15.600 --> 00:02:18.280 You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. 47 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:24.160 You are my wife, and he shall leave his family and cleave to you, and you too shall be one 48 00:02:24.160 --> 00:02:25.160 in this earth. 49 00:02:25.160 --> 00:02:27.920 Will you put 1,000 to flight on your own? 50 00:02:27.920 --> 00:02:31.800 I declare that you and your husband shall put tens of thousands to flight. 51 00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:33.760 So God, I thank you for the love story. 52 00:02:33.760 --> 00:02:38.480 I thank you, Lord God, for the life that they have now, that it reaches its maximum potential, 53 00:02:38.480 --> 00:02:41.560 and I thank you for the season that they're going to grow in, Lord God. 54 00:02:41.560 --> 00:02:43.000 Not just go, but grow. 55 00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:44.000 That's right, Holy Spirit. 56 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:45.600 So I thank you for growth. 57 00:02:45.600 --> 00:02:47.040 I thank you for goodness. 58 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:53.640 I thank you, Lord God, that the Bible says that promises that hope deferred make the 59 00:02:53.640 --> 00:02:56.920 heart sick, but promises fulfilled is a tree of life. 60 00:02:56.920 --> 00:03:01.760 I pray for every heart that has become sick, waiting for the promise, oh God. 61 00:03:01.760 --> 00:03:05.880 Every heart that has become discouraged and hopeless and want to give up, I speak to your 62 00:03:05.880 --> 00:03:06.880 heart now. 63 00:03:06.880 --> 00:03:12.680 I speak straight to you, and I say rise up, rise up now in the name of Jesus, because 64 00:03:12.680 --> 00:03:18.640 when promises are fulfilled, the promises fulfilled produces a tree of life in your 65 00:03:18.640 --> 00:03:19.640 life, and it is coming. 66 00:03:19.640 --> 00:03:20.640 It is here. 67 00:03:20.640 --> 00:03:21.640 You're not next. 68 00:03:21.640 --> 00:03:22.640 You are now. 69 00:03:22.640 --> 00:03:23.640 You are not tomorrow. 70 00:03:23.640 --> 00:03:24.640 You are today. 71 00:03:24.640 --> 00:03:25.640 In Jesus' name, amen. 72 00:03:25.640 --> 00:03:26.640 Amen. 73 00:03:26.640 --> 00:03:27.640 Be encouraged, oh, you little heart. 74 00:03:27.640 --> 00:03:28.640 Be strong. 75 00:03:28.640 --> 00:03:39.640 You know that scripture says, bless the Lord, oh, my soul, and all that is within me. 76 00:03:39.640 --> 00:03:44.520 You got to talk to your own soul sometime, and you got to say, soul, get up from here. 77 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:49.720 We can't stay in this lullaby, lonely place, oh, no, we got to get up from here. 78 00:03:49.720 --> 00:03:55.440 Ain't nothing in a dry and weary land for a woman in L-Y-S program. 79 00:03:55.440 --> 00:03:58.080 We do not stay in dry, lonely places. 80 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:00.880 We go to where the spring is flowing. 81 00:04:00.880 --> 00:04:02.440 We go where there is water. 82 00:04:02.440 --> 00:04:04.000 We do not stay in dry places. 83 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:05.600 We do not stay in depressed places. 84 00:04:05.600 --> 00:04:07.520 We do not stay in lonely places. 85 00:04:07.520 --> 00:04:09.240 That is not our portion in life. 86 00:04:09.240 --> 00:04:10.880 No, no, no, no, no. 87 00:04:10.880 --> 00:04:14.280 Husband or no husband, we don't live in dry places. 88 00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:18.360 And just because I have a husband don't mean I'm living in a well-watered place. 89 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:20.640 That is a lie from the pits of hell. 90 00:04:20.640 --> 00:04:22.120 All right, good. 91 00:04:22.120 --> 00:04:24.040 Well, we got that. 92 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:27.960 So, hello to everyone that just came in the room. 93 00:04:27.960 --> 00:04:28.960 Rachel, it's been a while. 94 00:04:28.960 --> 00:04:30.360 It's so good to see you. 95 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:35.160 And Carmenza, is this your first time? 96 00:04:35.320 --> 00:04:36.680 Did I say your name correct? 97 00:04:40.520 --> 00:04:41.640 Hi, yes, you did. 98 00:04:42.360 --> 00:04:44.520 Hey, so good to have you. 99 00:04:45.400 --> 00:04:46.040 Thank you. 100 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:47.160 It's not my first time. 101 00:04:47.160 --> 00:04:48.760 I've been on and off, though. 102 00:04:48.760 --> 00:04:49.640 Thank you. 103 00:04:49.640 --> 00:04:50.920 You haven't talked to me before. 104 00:04:52.440 --> 00:04:54.040 Not one, one, no. 105 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:55.960 Not like this. 106 00:04:55.960 --> 00:04:56.840 Okay, okay. 107 00:04:57.880 --> 00:04:59.880 And Glenna, is this your first time? 108 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:06.160 Yes, I popped in about two weeks ago, just had to tail in, but that was it. 109 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:07.160 Yes. 110 00:05:07.160 --> 00:05:08.160 Oh, good. 111 00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:09.160 Well, it's so good to y'all. 112 00:05:09.160 --> 00:05:10.160 I like to get cozy. 113 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.920 So when I call you, I don't feel any kind of way. 114 00:05:12.920 --> 00:05:18.200 This room gets real small when you realize that you're with family, you're with sisters. 115 00:05:18.200 --> 00:05:23.200 And so I just want you to feel safe and feel welcome and know that you're seen, you're 116 00:05:23.200 --> 00:05:25.200 heard and you're known in this place. 117 00:05:25.200 --> 00:05:28.800 There is a place where you belong and it's called this place right here. 118 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:33.400 And so I want you to know that I want you ladies to know that this is not just about 119 00:05:33.400 --> 00:05:34.400 dating. 120 00:05:34.400 --> 00:05:35.400 This is about you. 121 00:05:35.400 --> 00:05:37.840 We want to break you out of every place of fear. 122 00:05:37.840 --> 00:05:39.960 We want to break you out of place of discouragement. 123 00:05:39.960 --> 00:05:44.080 We want to come against every roadblock and every barrier that will come against the work 124 00:05:44.080 --> 00:05:46.960 that the Lord is doing in your life. 125 00:05:46.960 --> 00:05:48.920 This truly is a faith journey. 126 00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:53.840 And so we will share same experiences on this journey because that's just the way it is. 127 00:05:53.840 --> 00:05:57.880 Hey, listen, some people have to believe for children and others have to believe for marriages 128 00:05:57.960 --> 00:06:01.480 and some people have to believe for houses and some have to believe for food. 129 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:04.480 And right now you're on the faith journey, you're believing for a husband so you didn't 130 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:07.920 have to believe for food and maybe you didn't have to believe the Lord for a child. 131 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:12.400 But it's come a place in life where you may press into the Lord and believe him for something. 132 00:06:12.400 --> 00:06:16.320 So this is your portion in life and we're going to stand with you and walk with you 133 00:06:16.320 --> 00:06:19.240 and go with you because we've seen the other side. 134 00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:23.960 We've seen 1,600 marriages and engagements, we've seen it all and we know that it's waiting 135 00:06:23.960 --> 00:06:24.960 for you. 136 00:06:24.960 --> 00:06:25.960 So gird up your lions. 137 00:06:25.960 --> 00:06:27.800 Let's go on this journey. 138 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:32.040 Don't be discouraged because we're going to the other side. 139 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:34.040 Who wants to go to the other side with me? 140 00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:41.040 Some of y'all don't look like y'all want to go to the other side. 141 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.120 Don't go without me. 142 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:48.560 But you know, to God be the glory. 143 00:06:48.560 --> 00:06:52.600 Okay, ladies, is there any housekeeping? 144 00:06:52.600 --> 00:06:57.000 You ladies have been doing absolutely, let me just follow you, you've been doing so amazing 145 00:06:57.200 --> 00:07:01.720 with showing up in the community, sharing your thoughts, sharing your questions, being 146 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:06.600 vulnerable, running things by coaches, running things by your sisters, taking in what they're 147 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:10.560 sharing like this truly is what the journey is about. 148 00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:14.800 Taking a pause, waiting for a few seconds, not going after your first instinct. 149 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:21.720 Like we are so pleased with you all, I'm proud of you all, this is the way you grow. 150 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:23.360 This is how it happens. 151 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:27.320 You don't have to do anything alone. 152 00:07:27.320 --> 00:07:33.840 Even when you think you found the one, after just a few days, don't do it by yourself. 153 00:07:33.840 --> 00:07:37.840 All right, don't do it by yourself. 154 00:07:37.840 --> 00:07:38.840 We're here. 155 00:07:38.840 --> 00:07:42.720 We want to coach you all the way to the finish line because I'm going to tell you, the finish 156 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:48.600 line is not finding the husband. 157 00:07:48.600 --> 00:07:49.600 Finding is finding. 158 00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:54.000 You can find someone to meet the couch pillow, underneath your couch pillow, right? 159 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:58.280 You can find something, but we want to see you to an expected end. 160 00:07:58.280 --> 00:08:01.120 We want to get the engagement is not the end. 161 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:02.120 Okay. 162 00:08:02.120 --> 00:08:03.440 And I don't need anything else. 163 00:08:03.440 --> 00:08:06.160 Listen, that's when you need the most resources. 164 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:07.800 That's when you need to make the right move. 165 00:08:07.800 --> 00:08:11.600 Do you know that before you marry a man, it's going to probably be the time where you're 166 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:13.520 going to get most of your demands met. 167 00:08:13.520 --> 00:08:16.800 You don't know that if you've never been married before, but when you marry people, they get 168 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:19.120 comfortable including you. 169 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:21.880 You know how when ladies have a breakup, they say they need to lose some weight. 170 00:08:21.880 --> 00:08:23.880 So they start eating right and going on a diet. 171 00:08:23.880 --> 00:08:26.320 Well, what was happening before the breakup? 172 00:08:26.320 --> 00:08:30.960 You weren't trying to go on no diet then because you were comfortable and now you got to get 173 00:08:30.960 --> 00:08:31.960 back on the market. 174 00:08:31.960 --> 00:08:35.120 So now you feel like you got to spruce yourself back up. 175 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:36.120 This is just an example. 176 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:40.039 That may not be you, but you can always tell when a woman has that breakup weight that 177 00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:41.039 she dropped. 178 00:08:41.039 --> 00:08:43.159 So she says, I'm focusing on myself. 179 00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:46.920 Well, who are you focusing on then? 180 00:08:46.920 --> 00:08:52.200 So just those type of comments lets us know that when we get something in our hands, when 181 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:54.520 we possess a thing, we think, okay, I got it. 182 00:08:54.520 --> 00:08:55.520 Now I can relax. 183 00:08:55.520 --> 00:09:00.240 Well, I want you to already show up as that woman because you already have the promise 184 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:01.240 of God. 185 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:04.000 You're not partnering with a man for your promise to come to pass. 186 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:07.080 You're partnering with the only one who could cause it to come to pass. 187 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:09.800 And you're not partnering with the only one that could cause it to come to pass. 188 00:09:09.800 --> 00:09:13.280 You're partnering with the one who could cause it to come to pass in the way that he said 189 00:09:13.280 --> 00:09:18.760 it to be, in the goodness of it, in the fullness of it, in the purpose of it, in the plan of 190 00:09:18.760 --> 00:09:19.760 it. 191 00:09:19.760 --> 00:09:20.760 Right? 192 00:09:20.760 --> 00:09:21.960 So there is an expected end. 193 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:25.040 And so I'm just excited for the way you ladies are showing up. 194 00:09:25.040 --> 00:09:30.360 I'm excited that you are crossing the line that you once had in the scene and you saying, 195 00:09:30.360 --> 00:09:32.320 I'm going to do this thing. 196 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:33.320 You know what? 197 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:34.320 I'm going to come out of hiding. 198 00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:38.280 I'm not going to stay in a corner somewhere thinking that the Amazon package is going 199 00:09:38.280 --> 00:09:42.360 to come to my door called a husband, because if he ain't came in all this time, I'm pretty 200 00:09:42.440 --> 00:09:43.440 sure he not coming. 201 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:48.440 My plan is not working and I'm going to work the plan that I paid for. 202 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:49.440 Right? 203 00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:50.440 Yes. 204 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:53.840 And so I am, I'm so proud of y'all anyway. 205 00:09:53.840 --> 00:10:00.000 So, uh, all of you ladies know if you ever want to do one-on-one coaching with anyone. 206 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.320 in the community, you can go to the resource tab 207 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:04.260 and find anything you need. 208 00:10:04.260 --> 00:10:07.180 If there's any time when you're having any issues with the app, 209 00:10:07.180 --> 00:10:10.420 any glitches, any questions, you can go email at me. 210 00:10:10.420 --> 00:10:12.580 Whenever you're ready to transition to phase 3 211 00:10:12.580 --> 00:10:14.200 and you've been in phase 2 for a while, 212 00:10:14.200 --> 00:10:16.560 and you say, hey, I'm ready to hit the road, Jack, 213 00:10:16.560 --> 00:10:19.520 and don't come back, you can just 214 00:10:19.520 --> 00:10:22.940 email admin at jackiedorman.com and tell them 215 00:10:22.940 --> 00:10:25.200 that you're ready to make your transition over 216 00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:27.560 to phase 3, which is a lovely place to be. 217 00:10:27.560 --> 00:10:28.640 I like phase 3. 218 00:10:28.640 --> 00:10:32.680 I often participate in a lot of their going on over there. 219 00:10:32.680 --> 00:10:34.880 And some of y'all just came back from a sneak 220 00:10:34.880 --> 00:10:37.000 peek into something, right? 221 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:38.560 Anybody go attend that yet? 222 00:10:38.560 --> 00:10:40.120 I hope that was good. 223 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:41.040 Yeah, it was good. 224 00:10:41.040 --> 00:10:43.160 Good. 225 00:10:43.160 --> 00:10:45.720 So this is what we're going to talk about today. 226 00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:50.440 We are going to talk about creating opportunity 227 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:54.440 without controlling the outcome. 228 00:10:54.440 --> 00:10:59.640 Creating opportunities without controlling the outcome. 229 00:10:59.640 --> 00:11:01.720 Yeah, it was a single spotlight. 230 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:09.040 And so discovery dating isn't about making something happen, 231 00:11:09.040 --> 00:11:11.360 though we feel like it's about making something happen. 232 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:13.240 And sometimes we pick up the burden 233 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:14.600 of making something happen. 234 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:16.040 Well, what does that look like? 235 00:11:16.040 --> 00:11:18.160 It's like, oh, did I blow it? 236 00:11:18.160 --> 00:11:20.320 Oh, did I lose my one chance? 237 00:11:20.320 --> 00:11:21.440 This is a real thing. 238 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:24.120 Even when you don't voice it, sometimes it 239 00:11:24.400 --> 00:11:28.520 just floats around in the corridors of our heart. 240 00:11:28.520 --> 00:11:30.240 Did I just lose something? 241 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:32.480 And so what happens when you hear a thought like that, 242 00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:35.200 I want you to speak to that thing that's talking to you. 243 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:38.760 And I want you to say, I don't get the bottom of the stick. 244 00:11:38.760 --> 00:11:39.960 I'm not that person. 245 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:41.920 I don't lose in Christ Jesus. 246 00:11:41.920 --> 00:11:43.880 I've already won. 247 00:11:43.880 --> 00:11:46.960 When you hear it, you need to deal with it. 248 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.000 Because it is a giant that's roaming in your land, 249 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:52.360 sitting at your table, and telling you that it's 250 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:55.040 possible that you could lose. 251 00:11:55.040 --> 00:11:57.680 It's speaking to you when you're not talking to it, 252 00:11:57.680 --> 00:12:00.000 and it's placing you in a place of scarcity. 253 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:02.640 To believe that your father would dangle a carrot 254 00:12:02.640 --> 00:12:04.920 in front of your face, and if you get one thing wrong, 255 00:12:04.920 --> 00:12:06.880 he'll snatch it back from you. 256 00:12:06.880 --> 00:12:08.640 When that spirit comes to intimidate you, 257 00:12:08.640 --> 00:12:10.600 I want you to come, and I want you to integrate, 258 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:13.000 and I want you to ask it, where did you come from? 259 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:14.360 Who sent you? 260 00:12:14.360 --> 00:12:18.080 And when did you enter my life? 261 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.600 That you will sit on the sidelines 262 00:12:20.640 --> 00:12:23.280 and whisper to me that I can miss out 263 00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:24.680 on the goodness of my father. 264 00:12:24.680 --> 00:12:27.520 When in my life have I missed out on goodness? 265 00:12:27.520 --> 00:12:29.640 Because it's time to integrate your thoughts 266 00:12:29.640 --> 00:12:31.920 and deal with them, because as long as they're there, 267 00:12:31.920 --> 00:12:33.920 they're gonna remain to be a barrier 268 00:12:33.920 --> 00:12:36.480 in your journey of growth. 269 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:38.120 There's a difference between a person 270 00:12:38.120 --> 00:12:41.240 who shows up confident, and there's the person 271 00:12:41.240 --> 00:12:43.480 who shows up believing that something 272 00:12:43.480 --> 00:12:44.920 can be taken from them. 273 00:12:44.920 --> 00:12:46.760 Somebody's gonna take advantage of them. 274 00:12:46.760 --> 00:12:48.400 Somebody's gonna do something to them, 275 00:12:48.400 --> 00:12:50.600 and in the end, they're gonna end up losing. 276 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:53.280 Well, I'm telling you, you're not gonna end up losing. 277 00:12:53.280 --> 00:12:54.360 You've already won. 278 00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:56.360 It's a fixed battle, for the Bible says 279 00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.600 that we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. 280 00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:01.960 More than a conqueror, to be more than a conqueror 281 00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:03.800 means you don't even fight the fight, 282 00:13:03.800 --> 00:13:05.480 because the fight has already been fought. 283 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:07.520 Are you tracking with me on tonight? 284 00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:10.080 And so anytime you hear things, 285 00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:12.840 grab those thoughts and integrate them, 286 00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:16.680 and ask them where they came from, and who sent them? 287 00:13:16.680 --> 00:13:18.360 You gotta hold those thoughts. 288 00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:21.240 You know the Bible says, take every thought captive? 289 00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.120 It says, take it captive. 290 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:27.480 And it says, take this thing captive, whoa! 291 00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:31.240 Because thoughts come very fleeting, even God thoughts. 292 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:32.960 It just kind of flows across your mind, 293 00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:36.440 and you have to grab it, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 294 00:13:36.440 --> 00:13:38.880 And so even when the Lord gives me thoughts, 295 00:13:38.880 --> 00:13:42.520 I grab it, I was like, did you just say that I just hear? 296 00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:45.080 And so you take your thoughts captive, 297 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:47.600 and you deal with them accordingly, okay? 298 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:50.160 So we're talking about creating opportunity 299 00:13:50.160 --> 00:13:52.320 without controlling the outcome. 300 00:13:53.560 --> 00:13:55.960 A lot of times, and I've talked about this before, 301 00:13:55.960 --> 00:13:58.000 one of the great, did I hit record? 302 00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:03.000 Yes, one of the challenges of dating, 303 00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:07.480 besides the fact of all of our grunts and complaints 304 00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:09.720 that we don't wanna do it, right? 305 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:11.440 And whatever reasons you may assign 306 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:12.960 to why you don't wanna do it. 307 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:15.240 You wanna deal with the reasons that you assign, 308 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:19.760 because that's your fortress you build around yourself. 309 00:14:19.760 --> 00:14:22.880 A lot of times, the things that you say, 310 00:14:22.880 --> 00:14:24.280 why I don't wanna do something, 311 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:26.480 literally becomes a prison that you live in. 312 00:14:27.480 --> 00:14:29.840 And so you have to be real mindful of the things you say, 313 00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:31.760 and be honest with yourself. 314 00:14:31.760 --> 00:14:33.960 So if the truth is, deep down in the inside, 315 00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:35.480 you don't wanna put yourself out there 316 00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:36.920 because you don't wanna reject it, 317 00:14:36.920 --> 00:14:39.920 it's better you say that than to say, 318 00:14:39.920 --> 00:14:42.240 well, I don't think the Lord wants to do it that way. 319 00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:43.760 You gotta remember how many women 320 00:14:43.760 --> 00:14:44.680 come through this program, 321 00:14:44.680 --> 00:14:46.920 and how many times, there's nothing, 322 00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:48.800 there's no woman has said something 323 00:14:48.800 --> 00:14:50.760 that another woman hasn't said before. 324 00:14:53.680 --> 00:14:56.320 Like literally, it is not, 325 00:14:56.320 --> 00:14:59.960 it is not, I just wanna fast forward my life to marriage. 326 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.740 Ah, yeah, ah, no, it feels that way sometimes 327 00:15:04.740 --> 00:15:07.220 till you find out what's waiting on you on the other side. 328 00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:10.740 So many times, so it's better to get to the bottom 329 00:15:10.740 --> 00:15:12.500 of what you're actually experiencing 330 00:15:12.500 --> 00:15:14.740 and be vulnerable enough to share it with the Lord 331 00:15:14.740 --> 00:15:18.120 or share it with somebody and say, I'm just scared. 332 00:15:19.100 --> 00:15:21.040 This is the truth. 333 00:15:21.040 --> 00:15:23.540 I'm afraid no one will choose me. 334 00:15:23.540 --> 00:15:27.020 Do you know it's better that you confess those truths 335 00:15:27.020 --> 00:15:30.080 and deal with them, the lies that you believe, 336 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:32.320 than to say, to make an excuse, 337 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:34.000 or to say, well, he's supposed to come to me, 338 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:36.880 or he say, he that find a wife, he's supposed to find me, 339 00:15:36.880 --> 00:15:39.620 but 20 years of your life has passed by. 340 00:15:39.620 --> 00:15:41.800 That's not the law we wanna live by. 341 00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:45.160 And we don't want you to spend six, seven, eight, nine, 342 00:15:45.160 --> 00:15:47.840 10 more years, right, doing those things. 343 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:51.640 And so don't allow your excuses to be the prison 344 00:15:51.640 --> 00:15:53.420 that you put your own self in. 345 00:15:54.420 --> 00:15:57.200 Okay, I hope that makes sense. 346 00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:01.200 And so we're talking about creating opportunity 347 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:03.240 without controlling the outcome. 348 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.680 Creating the opportunity without controlling the outcome. 349 00:16:08.680 --> 00:16:10.540 And so what does that look like? 350 00:16:10.540 --> 00:16:15.540 I remember when, well, let me not skip some things 351 00:16:16.040 --> 00:16:18.040 because these are some really good notes. 352 00:16:18.040 --> 00:16:19.200 I don't wanna do that. 353 00:16:19.220 --> 00:16:20.040 So, 354 00:16:28.180 --> 00:16:31.100 I think, and these are some of the things we have here 355 00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:33.100 that you ladies have said in the community, 356 00:16:33.100 --> 00:16:34.600 and that's why I didn't wanna skip them. 357 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:36.380 But usually when we're reading through your things, 358 00:16:36.380 --> 00:16:38.180 what you usually say is, 359 00:16:38.180 --> 00:16:40.280 and it's different situations and different questions, 360 00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:42.900 but they really boil down to this. 361 00:16:42.900 --> 00:16:44.460 Should I sit next to him? 362 00:16:44.460 --> 00:16:45.300 Are we going on a date? 363 00:16:45.300 --> 00:16:46.340 Should I sit next to him? 364 00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:47.260 Should I sit across from him? 365 00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:49.800 Like these are specific things, but they're very common. 366 00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:51.800 Or should I answer the message? 367 00:16:51.800 --> 00:16:52.840 Okay, he just said this. 368 00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:54.840 Should I say this back? 369 00:16:54.840 --> 00:16:57.120 Or should I make the first move? 370 00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:58.600 I mean, I don't know, we've been chatting. 371 00:16:58.600 --> 00:17:00.160 He hasn't said anything. 372 00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:02.600 I'm trying to give him space so that he can lead. 373 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:04.000 Should I say something? 374 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:07.640 Or is, he just said this to me, is this love bumming? 375 00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:09.079 Or am I ready today? 376 00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:10.839 Or should I keep moving forward? 377 00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:12.560 So these are different questions, 378 00:17:12.560 --> 00:17:15.560 but they're literally the same invitation. 379 00:17:15.560 --> 00:17:20.560 And so you're asking, how do I participate in this process? 380 00:17:20.800 --> 00:17:22.020 Where do I come in? 381 00:17:22.020 --> 00:17:23.079 What do I do? 382 00:17:23.980 --> 00:17:24.819 Right? 383 00:17:24.819 --> 00:17:26.660 I was talking to someone today, coaching someone today, 384 00:17:26.660 --> 00:17:28.220 and she said to me, you know, 385 00:17:28.220 --> 00:17:30.420 should I just tell men up front on these dating apps? 386 00:17:30.420 --> 00:17:31.860 Because they seem like they want to talk too long. 387 00:17:31.860 --> 00:17:34.260 Should I just tell them my intentions up front? 388 00:17:34.260 --> 00:17:36.780 Because we were saying it's good when men say, 389 00:17:36.780 --> 00:17:37.980 set their intentions up front. 390 00:17:37.980 --> 00:17:38.820 And I said to her, 391 00:17:38.820 --> 00:17:40.220 no, I don't think you should do that up front. 392 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:41.940 I think you should give a man an opportunity 393 00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:43.260 to set some intention. 394 00:17:43.260 --> 00:17:44.260 And if he doesn't do that, 395 00:17:44.260 --> 00:17:45.920 then you have to do what's necessary 396 00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:47.520 for the time that you're spending. 397 00:17:47.520 --> 00:17:48.560 And then you have to say, 398 00:17:48.560 --> 00:17:50.780 hey, I don't spend my time this way. 399 00:17:50.780 --> 00:17:51.620 Right? 400 00:17:51.620 --> 00:17:52.520 But her question is, 401 00:17:52.520 --> 00:17:55.760 how do I faithfully participate in this process? 402 00:17:55.760 --> 00:17:58.480 How do I partner with what the Lord is doing? 403 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:03.480 Basically, how do I create opportunity without controlling? 404 00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:08.160 And a lot of times we know us as ladies. 405 00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:09.360 If you have been around a lady, 406 00:18:09.360 --> 00:18:12.600 or if you know yourself, you can just like touch yourself. 407 00:18:12.620 --> 00:18:15.100 We will take over sometimes. 408 00:18:15.100 --> 00:18:17.660 Not sometimes, most of the time. 409 00:18:17.660 --> 00:18:20.180 And if not most of the time, all of the time. 410 00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:22.740 If there's nobody there to do the job, 411 00:18:22.740 --> 00:18:25.620 it's not that you just necessarily say a woman is controlling 412 00:18:25.620 --> 00:18:27.740 but when you're single, it's nobody but you. 413 00:18:27.740 --> 00:18:29.500 But who's, so who's going to do it? 414 00:18:32.100 --> 00:18:33.580 It falls on you. 415 00:18:33.580 --> 00:18:35.460 And so it's not that you enter the world and say, 416 00:18:35.460 --> 00:18:37.440 I'm going to control and take over. 417 00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:38.340 That's not that. 418 00:18:38.340 --> 00:18:42.020 So you want to know, am I doing too much? 419 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.560 How much should I let go or let back? 420 00:18:44.560 --> 00:18:46.840 Or yes to listen, no. 421 00:18:46.840 --> 00:18:49.160 All of those questions that you hear are you saying, 422 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:51.280 how do I partner with what the Lord is doing? 423 00:18:51.280 --> 00:18:53.920 And so we want to talk about creating opportunity 424 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:56.320 without controlling the outcome. 425 00:18:56.320 --> 00:19:00.040 So when Jackie, well, Jackie was my coach. 426 00:19:00.040 --> 00:19:04.160 And so when she said, this thing about dropping the hanky. 427 00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.400 Now I'm going to tell you something. 428 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:08.520 I tell you that I've been where you've been. 429 00:19:08.520 --> 00:19:09.760 I know your thoughts. 430 00:19:10.740 --> 00:19:15.380 And I'm like, I'm not saying nothing to not one joker 431 00:19:15.380 --> 00:19:20.180 because I was taught if he wants me and he sees me, 432 00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:22.140 then he can open up his mouth and say something. 433 00:19:22.140 --> 00:19:23.740 If he don't say nothing to me, then guess what? 434 00:19:23.740 --> 00:19:27.980 He's not my husband because he could say something. 435 00:19:27.980 --> 00:19:29.740 And my aunts trained me that way. 436 00:19:29.740 --> 00:19:31.700 That was the way back in their day 437 00:19:31.700 --> 00:19:33.620 that men say something to women. 438 00:19:33.620 --> 00:19:35.540 That was just the responsibility of a man. 439 00:19:35.540 --> 00:19:38.100 We had a lot more masculinity in the earth at that time. 440 00:19:38.600 --> 00:19:40.200 Times are so different. 441 00:19:40.200 --> 00:19:42.120 So, you know, that's a real thing. 442 00:19:42.120 --> 00:19:45.600 But one of the thoughts it is like, okay, 443 00:19:45.600 --> 00:19:48.400 if I drop the hanky, if I say something, 444 00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:50.720 all of a sudden, when I think about it, y'all, 445 00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:52.960 all I can think about is like, shame. 446 00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:54.320 Like, what if he look at you be like, 447 00:19:54.320 --> 00:19:56.600 what make you think I want to talk to you? 448 00:19:56.600 --> 00:19:59.440 The same way I look at some people picture on the app 449 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:00.280 and they ask. 450 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.840 You be like, now what made that man think I would like him back? 451 00:20:05.840 --> 00:20:06.840 I don't know. 452 00:20:06.840 --> 00:20:07.840 Why we do it? 453 00:20:07.840 --> 00:20:11.320 It's like we're insulted because this man saw a beautiful woman and wasn't afraid to 454 00:20:11.320 --> 00:20:12.320 come get her. 455 00:20:12.320 --> 00:20:13.320 Right? 456 00:20:13.320 --> 00:20:18.800 That's basically what happened, but we get insulted because we think it says something 457 00:20:18.800 --> 00:20:19.800 about us. 458 00:20:19.800 --> 00:20:25.920 When it really does say something about us, it says that we're beautiful and we're desirable. 459 00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:30.640 And when somebody sees something good, they got enough sense to desire it. 460 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:36.000 And sometimes based on the man you believe, well, he must thought I was low, right? 461 00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:40.840 Based on him, he must think I'm a low hanging fruit. 462 00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:44.400 And that's just not, that's just not always the case. 463 00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:48.280 You know, um, when people look at you, they see value. 464 00:20:48.280 --> 00:20:52.720 They see beauty, you know, and I'm not talking about scammers and stuff like that. 465 00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:53.720 Right? 466 00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:59.000 My thoughts were, if I create an opportunity, am I chasing, like there's one word chasing. 467 00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:03.320 I wish I could just X out, like get plead, throw this word over somewhere. 468 00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:04.320 Right? 469 00:21:04.320 --> 00:21:09.640 If I'm chasing or I want to be pursued, like, am I making something happen? 470 00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.760 Am I setting myself up for rejection? 471 00:21:12.760 --> 00:21:13.760 And it's scary. 472 00:21:13.760 --> 00:21:14.760 Right? 473 00:21:14.760 --> 00:21:20.480 But over time you realize that what Jackie, Jackie wasn't really, she wasn't teaching 474 00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:21.480 us to pursue a man. 475 00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:24.800 She was teaching us to participate with God. 476 00:21:24.800 --> 00:21:28.120 And we're still teaching you to participate with God. 477 00:21:28.120 --> 00:21:32.640 And many of you know, and you can testify to this, of how many years of your life has 478 00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:37.800 passed by without you participating with God, how many years of your life has passed by 479 00:21:37.800 --> 00:21:40.680 you doing what they said, just wait. 480 00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:45.000 You've been in some waiting room for years and you call that participation, but it's 481 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:46.680 not participation. 482 00:21:46.680 --> 00:21:48.480 It's actually sitting somewhere passively. 483 00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:50.960 So there are two ends of the spectrum, right? 484 00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:55.840 It's that becoming passive and just sitting there and defending your sitting with God 485 00:21:55.840 --> 00:21:58.400 is going to do it all. 486 00:21:58.400 --> 00:22:01.960 And then, you know, the takeover part of the process too. 487 00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:04.520 And so we have to find ourselves somewhere balancing it. 488 00:22:04.520 --> 00:22:08.360 Oh, I guess I'm going to have to, okay. 489 00:22:08.360 --> 00:22:11.680 And so we have to find ourselves somewhere balancing both. 490 00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:16.320 That I am not passively sitting by, I'm actually partnering and I'm not taking over. 491 00:22:16.320 --> 00:22:21.400 And hey ladies, that is not the easiest dance to do all the time, because sometimes you 492 00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:26.000 don't know where you end and where God begins and finishes or vice versa, right? 493 00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:35.840 So how do, how do, how do we create opportunities? 494 00:22:35.840 --> 00:22:39.320 So I want you to think about your own dating journey. 495 00:22:39.320 --> 00:22:49.000 How have you created an opportunity to be accessible? 496 00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:50.440 Or how did I word it? 497 00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:51.440 Yeah. 498 00:22:51.440 --> 00:22:55.000 How have you created opportunities for your journey, for your love story? 499 00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:57.680 Why don't you just drop them in the chat? 500 00:22:57.680 --> 00:22:59.520 How have you created opportunities? 501 00:23:04.520 --> 00:23:05.880 Oh yes, that's a good way. 502 00:23:05.880 --> 00:23:07.920 Join the first impression teams at church. 503 00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:08.920 Yes. 504 00:23:09.520 --> 00:23:10.520 Get in on the app. 505 00:23:10.520 --> 00:23:15.040 Listen, if y'all want to know everybody that comes to the church, I was over our greeting 506 00:23:15.040 --> 00:23:18.240 ministry for a very long time, even through COVID. 507 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:21.480 Sometimes I greeted every Sunday because we didn't have people. 508 00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:26.240 And I knew people always tell me, you know, everybody that's because I'm a greeter. 509 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:29.560 And I don't, I think I went through this rehearsal with y'all a little bit when a man would come 510 00:23:29.560 --> 00:23:30.560 through. 511 00:23:30.560 --> 00:23:33.000 I'm like, so tell me, where's your family? 512 00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:34.000 Where's your wife and children? 513 00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:35.000 Are they coming in? 514 00:23:35.520 --> 00:23:39.400 And then I would just search our key questions so I can know if this man was single. 515 00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:41.720 I was also over the singles ministry. 516 00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:46.680 And so that means I'm getting the scoop on every man walk through the door. 517 00:23:46.680 --> 00:23:49.760 And then I would have more access to keep talking to them. 518 00:23:49.760 --> 00:23:50.760 So oh, you're not married. 519 00:23:50.760 --> 00:23:51.760 How old are you? 520 00:23:51.760 --> 00:23:53.600 Are you looking to be married? 521 00:23:53.600 --> 00:23:55.600 You look like you're ready for a wife. 522 00:23:55.600 --> 00:24:00.040 Like I was just saying little things like that, you know, so join the greeting team. 523 00:24:00.040 --> 00:24:04.040 You don't have that age people, you know, but even if you join the greeting team, you 524 00:24:04.080 --> 00:24:08.440 never know whose brother or sister you're talking to, whose cousins you're talking to. 525 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:11.880 Keep a smile on your face because you don't know who you're sitting beside. 526 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:24.320 I thought we'll meet my in-laws, yeah, go to church and more singles, yes. 527 00:24:24.320 --> 00:24:28.160 On the apps again, another way you guys, you haven't thought about you create an opportunity 528 00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:32.440 was actually going through the hard work. 529 00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:35.920 That's a major opportunity. 530 00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:39.960 You are literally clearing the way when you clear out the roadblocks in your heart. 531 00:24:39.960 --> 00:24:41.120 Let me tell you something. 532 00:24:41.120 --> 00:24:47.560 I was semi breaking someone free on last night from doubt and unbelief. 533 00:24:47.560 --> 00:24:52.800 And one thing that, and I was going to save this for later, but one thing she would say 534 00:24:52.800 --> 00:24:54.240 is I would say, do you want to be married? 535 00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:59.160 And she would say, well, I want to be married, but if he is ABCD, then I don't want to be 536 00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:00.160 married. 537 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.860 Listen, you're attaching an outcome 538 00:25:02.860 --> 00:25:05.600 to what you should be just coming into this space 539 00:25:07.040 --> 00:25:09.520 determining if you want to be married. 540 00:25:09.520 --> 00:25:12.120 That's your first step of agreement. 541 00:25:12.120 --> 00:25:13.960 That's your first step of partnering, 542 00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:16.780 saying, yes, I want this thing. 543 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:20.680 I say, and so when you speak of a particular outcome 544 00:25:20.680 --> 00:25:24.400 or even the walls that you put up, that's called fear. 545 00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:27.320 That's called deal with your heart issues. 546 00:25:27.320 --> 00:25:29.560 Because no matter how much she wants to be married, 547 00:25:29.560 --> 00:25:31.480 if she's afraid of every man she talks to, 548 00:25:31.480 --> 00:25:34.080 she'll never be married and it would not be the hand of God 549 00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:36.640 that's keeping her back from getting married. 550 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:38.520 Contrary to what we like to believe 551 00:25:38.520 --> 00:25:40.400 that God is holding something back, 552 00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:42.200 it's hard to get a woman married 553 00:25:42.200 --> 00:25:43.920 if she don't smile at a man. 554 00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:47.200 It's hard to get a man married if he don't talk to a woman. 555 00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:49.500 Like some things aren't just gonna happen. 556 00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:55.680 And so something that, there are steps to this thing, right? 557 00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:57.440 Getting on LYS, doing your homework, 558 00:25:57.440 --> 00:25:58.880 getting on dating sites, looking for singles, 559 00:25:59.320 --> 00:26:00.160 getting on Facebook around me, yes. 560 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:02.680 And so you're creating opportunities all the time. 561 00:26:02.680 --> 00:26:05.560 And sometimes when those opportunities don't play out 562 00:26:05.560 --> 00:26:07.040 in the way we think they should, 563 00:26:07.040 --> 00:26:09.800 we feel like we failed or we feel like nothing is happening, 564 00:26:09.800 --> 00:26:11.520 but that's simply not true. 565 00:26:11.520 --> 00:26:14.080 Anybody you've ever seen get married through this community, 566 00:26:14.080 --> 00:26:16.020 I'm not talking about outside of this community, 567 00:26:16.020 --> 00:26:19.240 do you know how many times they had to say, 568 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:20.680 oh, that didn't work or that didn't work, 569 00:26:20.680 --> 00:26:23.280 that that didn't work and they get themselves up 570 00:26:23.280 --> 00:26:24.960 and dust themselves off again? 571 00:26:24.960 --> 00:26:26.640 One of the reasons a young lady told me 572 00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:28.240 the reason why she don't wanna date 573 00:26:28.280 --> 00:26:30.360 is because she don't wanna be hurt. 574 00:26:30.360 --> 00:26:33.200 And I said, well, suck it up, buttercup. 575 00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:36.220 There's going to be rejection in the process. 576 00:26:36.220 --> 00:26:39.280 And so that's why you guard your heart without diligence, 577 00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:42.960 submit yourself to boundaries so that when you get stung, 578 00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:44.840 it will literally be a bee sting 579 00:26:44.840 --> 00:26:47.960 and it won't be a bite from a scorpion 580 00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:49.580 or it won't be, you know what I'm saying? 581 00:26:49.580 --> 00:26:52.540 Like we won't take off a limb on the way to the next man. 582 00:26:54.720 --> 00:26:57.760 You submit yourself to boundaries and order. 583 00:26:58.280 --> 00:26:59.320 And yes, it's gonna sting, 584 00:26:59.320 --> 00:27:02.440 but you can take a sting for three weeks and bounce back 585 00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:05.880 or you can take a sting for a hard hit of six months 586 00:27:05.880 --> 00:27:07.480 where you've traded off your dignity, 587 00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:09.520 you've traded off those things that are valuable to you, 588 00:27:09.520 --> 00:27:11.680 you've given all your pearls 589 00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:13.840 and you've tossed them among the swans. 590 00:27:13.840 --> 00:27:16.140 Like you don't have to go that far. 591 00:27:16.140 --> 00:27:17.520 You have too much community. 592 00:27:17.520 --> 00:27:19.620 You've been too equipped to go that far. 593 00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:23.360 I know it feels good when you're dating somebody, 594 00:27:23.360 --> 00:27:25.720 but you don't have to let your emotions lead you 595 00:27:25.720 --> 00:27:28.600 or your feelings lead you into unknown land. 596 00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:32.160 You don't have to chase that dopamine hit. 597 00:27:34.280 --> 00:27:35.760 It just feels so good. 598 00:27:35.760 --> 00:27:37.680 I know it feels so good. 599 00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:39.840 I'm not saying you can't get phone wasted 600 00:27:39.840 --> 00:27:40.680 for the first week, 601 00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:41.840 but after that first week, 602 00:27:41.840 --> 00:27:43.960 you gotta come up out of that wasteland. 603 00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:46.320 It feels good to kick your little feet up in the air 604 00:27:46.320 --> 00:27:48.400 and talk to a man all night long and say, we gotta go. 605 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:49.760 We're not gonna do this tomorrow. 606 00:27:49.760 --> 00:27:51.040 And then you do it all over again. 607 00:27:51.040 --> 00:27:52.640 I'm not telling you not to have fun. 608 00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:54.600 Let that little girl in you live. 609 00:27:54.600 --> 00:27:58.280 All I'm saying is submit that little girl to some boundaries 610 00:27:58.280 --> 00:27:59.960 and have fun within boundaries 611 00:27:59.960 --> 00:28:01.980 because the number one thing for you to do 612 00:28:01.980 --> 00:28:03.940 is to guard your heart without diligence 613 00:28:03.940 --> 00:28:05.800 and not give it out to want someone 614 00:28:05.800 --> 00:28:08.800 who is not proven to be a good steward over their own heart 615 00:28:08.800 --> 00:28:10.400 before you give them your heart. 616 00:28:12.360 --> 00:28:13.440 Right? 617 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:15.140 We're not making trades like that. 618 00:28:17.560 --> 00:28:19.160 Suck it up, shrink yourself out. 619 00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:21.080 Yeah, so it does hurt. 620 00:28:21.080 --> 00:28:23.360 Like every time I go to a threshold 621 00:28:23.360 --> 00:28:24.920 or I meet somebody and I go to a certain point, 622 00:28:24.920 --> 00:28:27.880 it's like, oh, now you know if you go this far, 623 00:28:27.880 --> 00:28:29.320 it's gonna be a sting behind it. 624 00:28:29.320 --> 00:28:30.880 Are they worth that sting? 625 00:28:31.760 --> 00:28:34.240 And you just, you process one step at a time. 626 00:28:34.240 --> 00:28:36.120 And so all of these things that we're doing, 627 00:28:36.120 --> 00:28:38.000 you ladies are creating opportunity. 628 00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:41.420 And that's why I'm telling you the outcome is not up to you. 629 00:28:43.360 --> 00:28:44.680 So you say, what can I do? 630 00:28:44.680 --> 00:28:45.520 This is all you can do. 631 00:28:45.520 --> 00:28:47.000 That's all you need to do. 632 00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:50.120 That's all is required of you to do. 633 00:28:50.120 --> 00:28:52.320 And when it doesn't produce the results you have, 634 00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:54.320 some of them will say, okay, I need to do something else. 635 00:28:54.320 --> 00:28:55.360 I need to do something else. 636 00:28:55.360 --> 00:28:56.520 I need to do something else. 637 00:28:56.520 --> 00:28:58.560 And maybe you do need to try something else, 638 00:28:58.560 --> 00:29:00.720 but you cannot control the outcome. 639 00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:02.840 Okay? 640 00:29:02.840 --> 00:29:06.240 And so, we all said this. 641 00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:08.480 One thing too, I want you ladies, 642 00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:10.480 if much is possible, if you can, 643 00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:12.240 depending on the type of situation you're in, 644 00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:14.840 take advantage of the people you're sitting next to. 645 00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:18.680 Because you never know who you're sitting next to. 646 00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:21.120 Just have conversation with people. 647 00:29:21.120 --> 00:29:23.520 I will have conversation with anybody. 648 00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:25.560 It is part of my personality, 649 00:29:25.560 --> 00:29:28.240 but it's also part of a woman who believes the Lord 650 00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:31.120 for the promises of God to be made manifest in her life. 651 00:29:31.120 --> 00:29:32.640 And I don't know who I'm sitting beside. 652 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:34.760 And I literally don't do it just for a spouse. 653 00:29:34.760 --> 00:29:37.200 I do it for my own development, 654 00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:39.920 for my understanding of the people that are around me. 655 00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:42.680 The Bible says that when a man ways pleases the Lord, 656 00:29:42.680 --> 00:29:44.320 he sends him help. 657 00:29:44.320 --> 00:29:46.760 Do you know that help is the way 658 00:29:46.760 --> 00:29:49.560 that your journey is played out in life? 659 00:29:49.560 --> 00:29:52.000 The Bible says that he'll give men for your sake. 660 00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:53.520 That means he gives you help. 661 00:29:53.520 --> 00:29:54.440 He sends you help. 662 00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:57.360 The Bible says that God is our Ebenezer. 663 00:29:57.360 --> 00:30:00.120 That means our stone of help. 664 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.000 He's sending you helpers 665 00:30:02.680 --> 00:30:05.040 This program is a helper to you 666 00:30:06.080 --> 00:30:08.360 The ladies around you are helpers 667 00:30:10.040 --> 00:30:14.760 Their helpers all around you and so when somebody's sitting beside you I want to know are there help 668 00:30:14.800 --> 00:30:18.440 Do they have some information that I could grow with there are other parts of my life 669 00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:25.080 Businesses that I like to do there are things that I a prayer original things all type of things that I'm into that God has created 670 00:30:25.080 --> 00:30:30.320 Me for and so I'm always trying to see who's just sitting beside me, and what do they carry? 671 00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:37.720 Okay, and so creating opportunity also looks like I'm available um 672 00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:44.560 And then we know creating outcome says I need to make this work and 673 00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:48.240 Then whenever you hear I need to make this work 674 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:54.440 I want you to quickly disagree with it and behind that I want you to say let the chips fall where they may 675 00:30:56.080 --> 00:31:01.320 Sometimes you got to get to a place where you said, okay, let it fall. Don't let it fall out of heart. We'll see 676 00:31:01.400 --> 00:31:03.400 We'll see what's left standing 677 00:31:04.120 --> 00:31:09.200 Have you ever watched the Lord in your life tear something down to rebuild it? 678 00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:14.400 Anybody had that experience with the Lord if you do your heart work 679 00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:18.120 We have to tear down a lot of your belief systems to rebuild you 680 00:31:18.920 --> 00:31:22.800 And you have to keep doing it every day a lot of times when the Lord yes 681 00:31:22.800 --> 00:31:28.280 Catherine when the Lord comes in to clean house or to clean up something you've been praying for it feels like everything fall apart 682 00:31:28.280 --> 00:31:29.720 You like I pray for to get better 683 00:31:29.720 --> 00:31:36.160 But it all fell apart because when the Lord builds something he builds things well, and he builds on a foundation that can hold it 684 00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:43.040 And so oftentimes this is a really important thing for you ladies to know and so oftentimes when we're building 685 00:31:43.320 --> 00:31:48.320 Relationships in the earth we need to pattern ourselves after the master builder 686 00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:53.080 Because anything that is gonna stand must be built upon a foundation of 687 00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:58.680 Understanding and of wisdom you have to build on a solid foundation 688 00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:05.720 Or there is no infrastructure to hold the thing that you have and it's nothing super now. It ain't nothing this this is 689 00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:11.560 Principles, this is the institution of marriage. It must be built on a foundation 690 00:32:11.560 --> 00:32:16.560 I don't care how much you love Jesus how much he loved Jesus how many tongues you speak in how many people you pray over? 691 00:32:16.560 --> 00:32:18.560 How many prophetic words you have? 692 00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:23.240 You don't live in the spirit when it comes to the marriage institution 693 00:32:23.240 --> 00:32:26.160 you live in the natural very reason why because 694 00:32:26.840 --> 00:32:30.600 marriage within itself what we can see with our eyes between a man and a woman is a 695 00:32:30.840 --> 00:32:36.920 Reflection of the marriage of the bride with Christ. That is the spiritual one. We are the natural one 696 00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:42.680 So that's why you have to forgive and you have to have grace and you have to keep going and keep moving and keep doing 697 00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:49.360 Over and over and over and over and that's not done in spiritual places where you cannot see now you do repent in the spirit 698 00:32:49.360 --> 00:32:53.840 You do deal with the spirit realm, but you have to actually walk it out with the person 699 00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:59.320 Are you so principles you have to know how to communicate all of these things? 700 00:32:59.320 --> 00:33:04.320 I don't know where I was going with it, but I hope you got it cuz I forgot somewhere. Oh, we got it. Thank you 701 00:33:05.840 --> 00:33:07.840 So 702 00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.120 We create we don't create our outcomes what we do make ourselves available 703 00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:14.880 So we do put a even putting a smile on your face 704 00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:21.000 Even when you see a man looking at him, like if you are available, you need to know I am 705 00:33:21.520 --> 00:33:22.920 Hey 706 00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:24.640 Good to see you 707 00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:30.240 And you don't drop that I can't take baby. So you turn that corner if he married he just gonna believe to himself 708 00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:35.760 I see a guy but if he ain't he gonna know you interested and that's the goal. All right 709 00:33:36.520 --> 00:33:41.360 How you doing, oh the shirt looks so nice on you great 710 00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:47.600 You're looking friendly even with women give out compliments get used to speaking and talking with people 711 00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:52.240 Make it us like a and this is not for everybody some people do it anyway 712 00:33:52.320 --> 00:33:54.200 But make it like a you know 713 00:33:54.200 --> 00:34:00.560 Like your nature like it just comes out without you working for because the more that happens the more you appear friendly 714 00:34:00.560 --> 00:34:04.260 And the more friendly you appear men approach you 715 00:34:05.260 --> 00:34:08.900 Because you're in the market for a husband so that's why you're gonna do it 716 00:34:10.139 --> 00:34:16.900 Right. You're gonna keep a smile. So when you come out your jaws be hurting and when you'll nobody you drop it 717 00:34:16.900 --> 00:34:18.900 And then when I see him again, hey 718 00:34:19.940 --> 00:34:23.940 And the more you practice it just every day riding in your car 719 00:34:24.900 --> 00:34:29.900 Sometimes I catch myself friend. I'm like, what are you frowning about even but what's what what are you thinking about? 720 00:34:30.420 --> 00:34:35.780 What's happening here get these wrinkles out your forehead you got it, you got to keep your value up do something about that 721 00:34:35.780 --> 00:34:37.780 Yeah, no, but you know 722 00:34:38.300 --> 00:34:42.219 Smile, you know, I wish I could be your wing woman, too 723 00:34:42.219 --> 00:34:45.500 I always tell everybody when we go somewhere like take your wing woman with you 724 00:34:45.500 --> 00:34:49.580 Take your wing woman because you it's we're so I guarantee you possibly 725 00:34:49.580 --> 00:34:51.580 I don't know days, but if me and Daisy went out 726 00:34:51.580 --> 00:34:55.620 She would go talk to a man for me before she will talk to a man for herself. Is that true? 727 00:34:55.620 --> 00:34:57.620 Cuz you feel like you have nothing to lose 728 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.680 lose i don't want you you can't reject me and that's the thought right there and that's what 729 00:35:05.680 --> 00:35:10.800 you're thinking like i'm just talking to you even if they did say get out of my face you're not 730 00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:17.120 gonna feel bad because you didn't have no skin in the game anyway it's just like when you go out 731 00:35:17.120 --> 00:35:22.800 evangelizing jesus sent them out two by two they weren't alone they had somebody if anybody's ever 732 00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:27.840 gone out to pray with people spread the gospel evangelize you feel like you got company with 733 00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:31.600 you when somebody's with you because that person believes what you also believe and you're not 734 00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:38.160 standing alone all right so where are we creating opportunities um and not working to control the 735 00:35:38.160 --> 00:35:52.240 outcome so um i want us to do a quick activity for me now this is i've referred it to dating 736 00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:58.560 but you guys this can this can relate to your children let me 737 00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:10.080 this can relate to your children this can relate to your job creating opportunities without 738 00:36:10.080 --> 00:36:17.360 controlling the outcome this is something that goes across the board and so you you i want you 739 00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:24.640 guys to begin to think about an opportunity where the lord is inviting you to create an opportunity 740 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:29.760 think about your life think about your children think about relationships with your parents or 741 00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:38.080 with your friends um you know think about your job or career um i want or somewhere in the past 742 00:36:38.720 --> 00:36:43.680 one area where you've been trying to control the outcome well i just switched the question up so 743 00:36:43.680 --> 00:36:48.160 hear me again because i read it to your own i want you guys to think of one area where you 744 00:36:48.160 --> 00:36:53.520 recognize you've been trying to control the outcome instead of just creating an opportunity 745 00:36:53.520 --> 00:36:58.880 in partnership with the lord can you think of any places in your life where you've done that 746 00:36:59.600 --> 00:37:04.960 well you're you're definitely trying to control the outcome and if you can find that place in 747 00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:09.840 your life where you're definitely most definitely trying to control the outcome then i want you to 748 00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:13.200 think about what it would look like if you created an opportunity 749 00:37:16.560 --> 00:37:21.440 because when you as you start thinking about this you're going to learn that if you do this in life 750 00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:26.400 you're not going to carry the burdens you've been carrying most of the times we're tired 751 00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:31.360 because we're trying to do God's work and you don't stop but you know you can't do it 752 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:37.040 and it's like you get so frustrated because you literally cannot do what only he can 753 00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:44.960 and so i want you to think about choose one area where you've been trying to control the outcome 754 00:37:46.560 --> 00:37:50.480 y'all this can be as simple as if you notice when you get ready to go on dates you want to 755 00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:56.000 control where y'all eat you want to control how you eat you want to you some people want to control 756 00:37:56.000 --> 00:38:01.920 every part of scenario this is just simple so you know so i'm going to put you do we have the 757 00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:06.560 question down pack everybody give me a thumb up if if you don't have the question just nod your 758 00:38:06.560 --> 00:38:10.880 head like i don't know what the question is tell me again i wasn't paying attention 759 00:38:12.160 --> 00:38:18.160 there's me like ah yeah yeah all right and so i'm going to put you in breakout rooms 760 00:38:18.160 --> 00:38:24.400 because i want you ladies to share it with each other and it is 7 38 so um 761 00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:33.920 choose one area where you've been trying to control the outcome instead of creating the opportunity 762 00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:41.760 and think about this ladies when you get in your groups let's say that you don't know how you can 763 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:46.960 create an opportunity in this particular situation well maybe someone in your group after everyone 764 00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:51.840 is shared can give you an idea of how you can create an opportunity in this situation but what 765 00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:55.760 i don't want you to do because i'm not going to put about five minutes it's not many of us it's 766 00:38:55.760 --> 00:39:01.760 23 of us um i'm going to give you a certain amount of time so you can't share a lot of backstory 767 00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:11.120 a lot of backstory you need to share what it is thank you amanda oh thank you lord and so and 768 00:39:11.120 --> 00:39:18.160 then maybe they can chime in and after everybody's shared and give you a simple opportunity how you 769 00:39:18.160 --> 00:39:24.880 can create an opportunity and so let me see put us in breakout rooms 770 00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:32.000 so i'm gonna have okay have one to two participants for a room there's just one two to three 771 00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:49.200 i'll try to if you get in a room by yourself i'll move you to another room okay all right and we'll 772 00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:55.920 do it for about um seven minutes all right 773 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.060 you 774 00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:32.060 you 775 00:40:52.640 --> 00:40:58.080 okay ladies y'all know I sent y'all over to the room but I forget what time y'all 776 00:40:58.240 --> 00:41:07.120 started so I was like hey I forgot so you know I put three minutes on the clock and said we just 777 00:41:07.120 --> 00:41:11.920 gonna go from there because I was like I think we had you know and so I could tell how quickly 778 00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:17.440 some people came back like yeah we done we over like I don't know where they at but um anyway 779 00:41:17.440 --> 00:41:25.760 uh who can you guys can drop it in the chat or just share like hey my area that I was trying 780 00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:33.200 to control is this the opportunity that I'm creating is this anyone can share um unmute and 781 00:41:33.200 --> 00:41:48.400 share can I go this is Sarah yeah Sarah go for it cool hi Ebony hi everybody hey I was um in group 782 00:41:48.400 --> 00:41:54.080 and uh with Kara and I was sharing with her that one of the things that I used to control was 783 00:41:54.720 --> 00:42:03.600 like um really literally physically control like who sat who sat next to like I went to this I 784 00:42:03.600 --> 00:42:11.600 organized this event and my single cousin was there and um and then this guy that was also 785 00:42:11.600 --> 00:42:15.680 single a friend of mine and you know I wasn't totally into the guy but then when I found out 786 00:42:15.680 --> 00:42:20.800 that my friend was my cousin was into him I was like oh so I was like okay single because my 787 00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:26.640 cousin you sit over here at this event single friend male friend you're over here I literally 788 00:42:26.640 --> 00:42:32.640 I was like when I look back I was like oh my gosh that was so embarrassing um but I still in a way 789 00:42:32.640 --> 00:42:37.840 kind of do that like recently when somebody I was interested in and when I realized somebody else was 790 00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:42.960 interested in him I was like oh let me find out about this girl and like see who my competition 791 00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:48.480 is you know all crazy stuff that was like you know pre-heart stuff although I was still kind of in 792 00:42:49.040 --> 00:42:55.920 like the middle of the heart work stuff so um anywho so now creating opportunities we didn't 793 00:42:55.920 --> 00:43:02.240 discuss that um in our in our time our breakout time but um I think now with creating opportunities 794 00:43:02.240 --> 00:43:07.680 I would just try to just you know let people obviously if I have an event just let people 795 00:43:07.680 --> 00:43:14.000 mingle talk get to know each other um me myself same thing if I'm at an event just get to know 796 00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:19.280 talk to people instead of trying to feel intimidated if I think somebody's interested 797 00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:23.760 in somebody I'm interested in just you know talk to people naturally normally get to know people 798 00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:29.280 a bunch of people everybody not just you know one or two people or whatever yeah that's a good 799 00:43:29.280 --> 00:43:32.880 opportunity that's a good way of creating opportunity we need to come where you are 800 00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:37.680 you got all these men and sit people beside and move people around and you hogging all the single 801 00:43:37.680 --> 00:43:41.600 men and won't let nobody else get a chance where are you we're on the way 802 00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:51.840 SoCal ah SoCal so another thing ladies I want you to like everyone in this group I know you may 803 00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:57.440 think you don't know any one single but if you know any single man like he's not the one for you 804 00:43:57.440 --> 00:44:01.680 but you know that he's a great man don't forget about the ladies in this community 805 00:44:01.680 --> 00:44:07.280 your nieces your cousins your I don't know your friends um people who you do life with 806 00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:12.400 people that you work with you know he's single but he's not the one for you you know we have 807 00:44:12.400 --> 00:44:18.080 ladies of all age ranges in here so don't forget about your great uncle don't forget about him we 808 00:44:18.080 --> 00:44:25.280 got somebody hey McBunny in the house we got some people you know your uncle your your you know 809 00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:30.320 your brother whoever he may be been looking for a wife you want him to have one don't forget 810 00:44:31.120 --> 00:44:35.360 don't worry about the distance we'll take care of it let us deal with that part 811 00:44:36.080 --> 00:44:44.320 okay so anyway I just wanted to remind you ladies of that um that you you have a sphere of influence 812 00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:50.560 too and there's a world all around you and I'm always keeping my eyes open um so anyway anybody 813 00:44:50.560 --> 00:44:55.840 else want to share was that was that an aha moment for anyone like could you think of anything that 814 00:44:55.840 --> 00:44:57.840 you've been working to control 815 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:09.160 yeah anybody else want to share okay I've been living like I've been having 816 00:45:09.160 --> 00:45:12.680 like amazing dates with this guy in Hudson New York and I'm in Norwich New 817 00:45:12.680 --> 00:45:18.880 York yeah the only problem is is I'm telling you don't anybody buy a Ram 818 00:45:18.880 --> 00:45:22.920 Ford I swear they are the vein of my existence they are the worst cars I've 819 00:45:22.920 --> 00:45:28.520 ever owned in my life I would never again I miss my Toyota Prius that was 820 00:45:28.520 --> 00:45:32.920 gone over three years ago because of a dumb car accident they are the bane of 821 00:45:32.920 --> 00:45:38.760 my existence um I have been trying to drop every single kind of hint of could 822 00:45:38.760 --> 00:45:44.160 we not stress me out with me trying to figure out how to get to him when we're 823 00:45:44.160 --> 00:45:47.960 not just talking about little things are going on this car we're talking big 824 00:45:47.960 --> 00:45:53.480 things yeah and I am in the middle of the loan and we're also talking big 825 00:45:53.480 --> 00:45:57.880 stuff like I've thought of voluntarily having it repossessed I've thought of 826 00:45:57.880 --> 00:46:04.640 declaring bankruptcy I've thought of like drastic stuff between owing 827 00:46:04.640 --> 00:46:11.640 between 5,000 and 6,000 on this car and I heard it was only worth 500 I'm like 828 00:46:11.640 --> 00:46:17.560 you've got to be kidding me and between the amount of thrown on credit cards 829 00:46:17.560 --> 00:46:24.520 with mechanical repairs and it keeps going I am beyond stressed out and I 830 00:46:24.520 --> 00:46:30.640 have been so hysterically upset that I've been talking to my best guy 831 00:46:30.640 --> 00:46:34.200 Christian friend from Long Island because I'm of course upstate New York 832 00:46:34.200 --> 00:46:39.040 now I used to live on Long Island my whole life I moved up here in August I 833 00:46:39.040 --> 00:46:43.360 was like hysterically talking to him and like hysterically crying in a church in 834 00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:48.360 a prayer group and the whole thing of I don't understand why I am NOT worth it 835 00:46:48.360 --> 00:46:52.440 for a guy to come like everything else is great he'll wait till marriage he's 836 00:46:52.440 --> 00:46:57.840 a born-again he writes like the best devotionals he prays for me he does all 837 00:46:57.840 --> 00:47:04.120 the things that I have dreamed of in a guy since I was my son's age lower 838 00:47:04.120 --> 00:47:08.480 elementary like that far back watching the Jetsons all these ideas came in my 839 00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:13.960 head from the Jetsons but I don't understand why I'm not worth it for him 840 00:47:13.960 --> 00:47:18.600 to come to me if he sees I'm stressing out over this car I understand the whole 841 00:47:18.600 --> 00:47:25.320 50-50 these days but poop happens as they would say and if the shoe is on the 842 00:47:25.320 --> 00:47:30.560 other foot I wouldn't think twice and just run to him I really wouldn't but 843 00:47:30.560 --> 00:47:36.800 whenever it happens to me it feels like I'm always abandoned I'm always not 844 00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:41.400 helped no one goes out of their way for me but I'm more than willing to do it if 845 00:47:41.720 --> 00:47:49.400 on the other foot like I'm so tired of always being the one and I never have it 846 00:47:49.400 --> 00:47:54.480 for myself and then I've been watching my son become best friends with a girl 847 00:47:54.480 --> 00:48:01.080 in his grade and he's holding her hand he's making her laugh he's I'm like he's 848 00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:05.520 seven years old my son and I'm like I swear if I could find a man like my son 849 00:48:05.520 --> 00:48:09.920 I would be happy because my alpha generation son knows how to treat a 850 00:48:09.920 --> 00:48:15.760 woman better than people in my generation or around it or whatever I'm 851 00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:20.400 just like so disappointed about everything it's bad enough my car but 852 00:48:20.400 --> 00:48:24.240 that's making it worse and then that's where anyone would be right to say it's 853 00:48:24.240 --> 00:48:28.640 not the car it's this stuff underneath it and that's what's getting me really 854 00:48:28.640 --> 00:48:33.760 depressed right now yeah so yeah yeah yeah I hear you and I've jotted down 855 00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:41.680 some things that you said so tell me Catherine um how long have you been 856 00:48:41.680 --> 00:48:48.520 dating this guy we just started on June 29th but we've been like talking since 857 00:48:48.520 --> 00:48:53.960 like May 3rd but we just started dating dating June 29th and and we had two 858 00:48:53.960 --> 00:48:57.000 dates and like he's been good with booking the dates and the whole thing 859 00:48:57.000 --> 00:49:01.960 the other thing too is I am running around through so many hoops too with 860 00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:07.920 the car and I mean yes he put on Facebook right away about the dates and 861 00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:12.360 like it was the best one like telling his friends I met someone the whole but 862 00:49:12.360 --> 00:49:17.080 to run through all these hoops I'm beyond stressed out with the car I 863 00:49:17.080 --> 00:49:22.960 haven't found a solution God doesn't necessarily work that quick and it still 864 00:49:22.960 --> 00:49:27.160 says single on his Facebook he never actually asked me to be his girlfriend 865 00:49:27.160 --> 00:49:34.560 that also I'm kind of like I don't know that gets to me too because I have to 866 00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:38.000 figure out these big things and I haven't even been asked to be his 867 00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:44.120 girlfriend yet yeah I don't know I kind of feel like and then I go back to I 868 00:49:44.120 --> 00:49:48.640 swear if my best friend Eric was single I'd marry him and then I go back to that 869 00:49:48.640 --> 00:49:53.080 and I hysterically cry again that I will never find a guy like that and yet my 870 00:49:53.080 --> 00:49:59.600 son was saying with this one Eric Eric and it's like I wish I wish he was like 871 00:49:59.600 --> 00:50:01.920 my friend 872 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.280 because I swear that guy if he was single he would have moved up to Norwich 873 00:50:03.280 --> 00:50:07.360 for me he would have gone that far he would have moved up here for me if he 874 00:50:07.360 --> 00:50:15.320 was single but okay and so tell me this right we're gonna dig you out of this 875 00:50:15.320 --> 00:50:23.080 pizza woulda shoulda coulda's tonight so you met this guy on when March what I 876 00:50:23.080 --> 00:50:29.240 met this single Christian on May 3rd and it was on Facebook and it was on a group 877 00:50:29.240 --> 00:50:33.280 that I was no longer a part of because it was nothing but men that just wanted 878 00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:37.760 you know what and his post stood out because he was like saying he was a 879 00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:45.360 Christian he was and I see after talking to him he's got all the things but I 880 00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:49.880 could argue but would he really sacrificially love me like Christ loves 881 00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:54.080 the church if it's such a big deal about coming to me I mean I know tomorrow he's 882 00:50:54.080 --> 00:50:59.240 coming out to me but most of the time I feel like he expects me to go there and 883 00:50:59.240 --> 00:51:04.880 like I said I don't have a reliable car and I don't have a train station right 884 00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:10.120 in my city the way he does he has a train station right smack there so it is 885 00:51:10.120 --> 00:51:14.320 the only thing bugging me and I didn't even realize it's something I would have 886 00:51:14.320 --> 00:51:19.680 had to think of putting on my non-negotiables of they have to be able 887 00:51:19.680 --> 00:51:26.640 to work with me if I can't do my 50% people lose their jobs cars break down 888 00:51:26.640 --> 00:51:34.200 things happen so it's like yes you want you want to do the perfect 50-50 but 889 00:51:34.200 --> 00:51:39.280 then sometimes you got to carry the other if something happens I want to 890 00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:44.600 feel like I will have that because I am currently watching my mother and my 891 00:51:44.600 --> 00:51:51.480 bonus dad my bonus dad has to pick up more than 50% because my mom has really 892 00:51:51.480 --> 00:51:56.520 bad dementia that's in my family and if the guy can't handle me with the car 893 00:51:56.520 --> 00:52:03.320 what is he gonna do if god forbid I get that yeah that is not an easy thing and 894 00:52:03.320 --> 00:52:06.800 I hate thinking like that but I know it's genetic and I know it's in the 895 00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:11.800 family now yeah so how is he gonna handle me if I'm forgetting who I am who 896 00:52:11.800 --> 00:52:16.920 he is who my son is I don't want to know and I do have to think that way to 897 00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:21.160 an extent because like I said I now know fully from this past school year 898 00:52:21.160 --> 00:52:28.600 dementia is in my family so so let's let's let's pace let me get some 899 00:52:28.600 --> 00:52:33.760 information from you okay um all right so one thing I want you to remember in 900 00:52:33.760 --> 00:52:37.920 case we don't get back to this other part of you Catherine you can't live 901 00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:42.520 where there's no grace the only thing that is reserved for you where you go 902 00:52:42.520 --> 00:52:48.200 ahead of yourself and live where there's no grace is doom gloom and defeat and so 903 00:52:48.200 --> 00:52:53.280 when you tell yourself I have to think this way you are abandoning yourself to 904 00:52:53.280 --> 00:52:58.640 go to a place that is dry without any hope okay and so that may be a law you 905 00:52:58.640 --> 00:53:02.760 want to keep on your back burner because you may have practiced thinking this way 906 00:53:02.760 --> 00:53:06.600 for a very long time because something in life has convinced you that you're 907 00:53:06.600 --> 00:53:11.160 not worthy of goodness but I've come to give you good tidings on tonight you are 908 00:53:11.160 --> 00:53:14.720 worthy of goodness not by your performance but because of who God is 909 00:53:14.720 --> 00:53:18.680 and it may take you a while to get there but that's okay you need you need to get 910 00:53:18.680 --> 00:53:23.560 the news update I am updating you tonight you are I could tell you where 911 00:53:23.560 --> 00:53:30.560 that came from okay let me no no I need information so you met this guy on May 912 00:53:30.680 --> 00:53:37.180 3rd and how soon after that you go and visit with him not until June 29th he 913 00:53:37.180 --> 00:53:41.240 wanted to finish up the school year we're both teachers assisting okay with 914 00:53:41.240 --> 00:53:45.320 special ed and all that wrap up the school year which I could say I 915 00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:51.280 understand because my brother worked high school and man I'm gathering 916 00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:56.960 information okay so you so before you got to June 29th you guys were just 917 00:53:56.960 --> 00:54:03.720 chatting facetiming maybe he did just one phone call closer to the date and 918 00:54:03.720 --> 00:54:08.640 even that I feel like I had to kind of pull teeth so y'all were just texting 919 00:54:08.640 --> 00:54:14.800 yes which I thought that was interesting too how often were y'all texting with 920 00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:19.520 this this part at least is good every day at least every day from May 3rd on 921 00:54:19.520 --> 00:54:25.040 yes you would take some every day to make that every day from May 3rd to June 922 00:54:25.040 --> 00:54:29.280 29th to the first time you saw him in you and it's still continuing every day 923 00:54:29.280 --> 00:54:33.880 it's been continuing every day how did the decision happen that on June 29th 924 00:54:33.880 --> 00:54:39.760 you will be the one to drive to him I mean he kind of decided that earlier on 925 00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:46.040 but I had no problems with my car until boom boom May 13th okay what did he say 926 00:54:46.040 --> 00:54:52.120 to you to for you to drive to him what did he say he was talking about what do 927 00:54:52.160 --> 00:54:57.880 he was texting about a nature trail near him and that I would like it there I'm 928 00:54:57.880 --> 00:55:01.960 like the area he was in and I would enjoy the 929 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.360 Area, that's what he was like texting and how far are you from him? 930 00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:08.720 I think 115 miles or so. It's like about two and a half 931 00:55:09.680 --> 00:55:14.160 Two and a half hour drive. Yeah, and I could tell with your personality. It's like cool 932 00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:16.400 I'll do that and this sounds like what you said 933 00:55:16.480 --> 00:55:20.160 Well, because I would do it for a water park too and I got to go about two hours for that too 934 00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:26.160 For the big ones, so you drove to him you drove to him. No problem at all. Although I was smart 935 00:55:26.320 --> 00:55:28.560 I took my dad on the first one. Okay 936 00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:31.760 So you had fun 937 00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:37.920 I had fun, but he took me for the first one, which was probably smart. He's my dad and he's my pastor 938 00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:39.440 right 939 00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:44.640 So good. So you went you had fun with this young man and now here we are july 7th 940 00:55:44.640 --> 00:55:46.980 How many times have you seen him since june 29th? 941 00:55:48.480 --> 00:55:51.600 It was the day before july 4th the 3rd and again 942 00:55:51.600 --> 00:55:55.520 It was like coming out to his area and then he was going to say the next two times he was going to come out here 943 00:55:56.000 --> 00:55:59.140 Except it's turning into yes, he's going to come out to me tomorrow 944 00:55:59.520 --> 00:56:02.480 but then could I go back out to him after that it's like 945 00:56:03.120 --> 00:56:05.940 My mechanic's not even going to be back until the 13th 946 00:56:06.400 --> 00:56:10.400 To really look at my car and even then he might not be able to look at my car right away 947 00:56:10.720 --> 00:56:15.200 So it's one of those who we at least wait till we find out what the real deal is with the car 948 00:56:15.840 --> 00:56:17.840 okay, so 949 00:56:22.880 --> 00:56:25.120 Okay, so, um 950 00:56:25.680 --> 00:56:27.680 So 951 00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:35.840 This is less about this guy and more about you makes sense, yeah, it's more about you 952 00:56:38.320 --> 00:56:42.000 Now one thing about it being in this uh getting to know this guy 953 00:56:42.800 --> 00:56:45.200 Oh, did he ask you to go exclusive with him or something? 954 00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:49.680 At some point no and yet not not no not yet 955 00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:56.160 Not officially and yet i'm rocking my head worrying about how i'm going to figure out getting to him with a car like this 956 00:56:56.640 --> 00:56:58.640 so part of me feels like I 957 00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:04.880 Kind of at least deserve okay with boyfriend and girlfriend if i'm going to sit there and have to worry about figuring this out 958 00:57:05.680 --> 00:57:07.680 Okay, but let's 959 00:57:08.160 --> 00:57:12.160 Yeah, let's give everybody their own responsibility. You're worrying about your car because it's your car 960 00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:15.920 Right. Okay. Hold on to that. That's yours 961 00:57:16.640 --> 00:57:23.200 So, why do you feel that he should be exclusive with you if he haven't asked because you look on his profile 962 00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:24.880 And he says he's still single 963 00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:31.360 Did he say something to you to lead like claim you or act say things to you that make you feel that way? 964 00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:34.560 Because you'll say things in a text 965 00:57:35.200 --> 00:57:37.200 Uh-huh, like you are my girl 966 00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:43.760 And then like how he told his friends he met somebody and that he did posts about the dates and how great they were 967 00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:47.520 So that's why i'm getting confused. Yeah 968 00:57:48.080 --> 00:57:53.360 And so he's confused. You're not confused. He's doing things to bring confusion into your mind 969 00:57:54.240 --> 00:57:58.560 Yes, because those things are showing actions of it, but then not 970 00:57:59.280 --> 00:58:04.320 fully because like I said, the facebook status still says single and he never said like can I be or 971 00:58:05.440 --> 00:58:11.140 Can you be my girlfriend? Yeah, but then there's things that are being done that yeah, that's why i'm getting all confused 972 00:58:11.700 --> 00:58:15.140 And confusion doesn't sound like a good thing because I that much I do know 973 00:58:16.180 --> 00:58:19.480 Well, you you confusion comes because there's no clarity 974 00:58:20.260 --> 00:58:25.400 Yeah, and so let's deal with that. I want you to your assignment to be is to get clarity 975 00:58:26.100 --> 00:58:27.780 Right. Yeah 976 00:58:27.780 --> 00:58:31.140 You desire a relationship where all you do is text. Is that your idea? 977 00:58:32.420 --> 00:58:36.900 No, it's not. I'd rather honestly rather the phone and I don't know how many times I said 978 00:58:37.620 --> 00:58:40.580 I'm really not good at being open and vulnerable because like i'm 979 00:58:41.120 --> 00:58:44.100 Openingly sharing about how frustrated I am with the car 980 00:58:44.580 --> 00:58:48.740 Yeah, I i'm also hinting at i'd rather talk on the phone about that 981 00:58:49.060 --> 00:58:54.340 So catherine you so after today, you're not gonna hint at you want to talk on the phone 982 00:58:54.660 --> 00:58:58.100 You're gonna say hey in order for me to continue building connection with you 983 00:58:58.420 --> 00:59:01.460 We're gonna have to have voice calls at least three times a week 984 00:59:01.460 --> 00:59:05.220 I don't know what your number is four times a week five times a week 985 00:59:05.540 --> 00:59:11.160 I'm no longer participating participating in a text a text of getting to know relationship 986 00:59:12.420 --> 00:59:14.820 Right. Do you understand what you're gonna say? 987 00:59:15.780 --> 00:59:17.780 Yes, I do. No, I make them 988 00:59:17.780 --> 00:59:19.620 Are you prepared to say it? 989 00:59:19.620 --> 00:59:24.580 Yes, I don't want you to decrease the number to one or two times a week. Please don't minimize yourself 990 00:59:26.020 --> 00:59:27.860 Okay, absolutely 991 00:59:27.860 --> 00:59:31.320 You say what you want and then you watch a person respond 992 00:59:31.800 --> 00:59:37.320 So I don't know in your text message are you being clear or are you hinting hinting and clarity is two different things 993 00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:41.240 So I encourage you to speak what you want if you're going to continue with this guy 994 00:59:41.560 --> 00:59:44.360 Then you're gonna have to set some things in order that are out of order 995 00:59:45.640 --> 00:59:51.320 I think it's exactly that i'm just is not clear and I think it's because one of those I was afraid of like 996 00:59:51.720 --> 00:59:53.880 yeah, i'm definitely afraid of doing it wrong of 997 00:59:54.680 --> 00:59:58.920 Am I pushing it? Am I trying to be the man? Am I like? 998 00:59:58.920 --> 01:00:01.480 Well 999 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.360 about stuff like that. I think that you're concerned about maybe you have a scarcity mindset, 1000 01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:09.920 it's possible scarcity has come in and you're afraid of being rejected because some of the 1001 01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:16.800 things that you said, I'm always abandoned. Nobody helps me. No one goes out of the way for me. 1002 01:00:16.800 --> 01:00:23.440 Nobody goes the extra mile for me. This is not about this man, this is about you. And so what 1003 01:00:23.440 --> 01:00:29.440 happens is when we are in this particular posture, ladies, anyone, when people come into our life, 1004 01:00:29.440 --> 01:00:33.680 generally depending on who they are, they will then continue in the pattern 1005 01:00:35.200 --> 01:00:38.560 of not caring about us. And there's sometimes things about us can speak, 1006 01:00:38.560 --> 01:00:43.120 we abandon ourselves for everyone else. And so when you make statements like, I'll do things 1007 01:00:43.120 --> 01:00:47.360 for people, I'll go out of my way, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this, 1008 01:00:47.360 --> 01:00:51.760 I've done this. A lot of times that says, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned 1009 01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:57.120 me, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned me. And so Catherine, now comes an opportunity, 1010 01:00:57.120 --> 01:01:02.000 that's why dating for discovery is so fun, that you see what's in front of you and you say, 1011 01:01:02.000 --> 01:01:07.920 I want to abandon myself this time. Well, I can't, but I like that because I can't and I don't want 1012 01:01:07.920 --> 01:01:12.960 to. Exactly. But that's what you've been doing when you wanted to talk on the phone to him 1013 01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:18.640 and he's only text you. And then definitely with the car, because I have to consider, I 1014 01:01:19.360 --> 01:01:25.360 don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation of a breakdown or whatever else. 1015 01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:32.800 Well, your desire to, the pressure you feel about the car could definitely be tied to you 1016 01:01:32.800 --> 01:01:38.880 also wanting to abandon yourself to go spend time with him. I imagine, okay, when you start, 1017 01:01:38.880 --> 01:01:42.800 there's this thing that happens, you start texting somebody every day, you get used to that text 1018 01:01:42.800 --> 01:01:46.480 coming through. Even if you start talking to somebody every day, you get used to it and you 1019 01:01:46.480 --> 01:01:50.960 like it. It's nothing wrong with you liking it, you're not wrong for liking it. That's completely 1020 01:01:50.960 --> 01:01:56.000 fine. Somebody is talking to you. You have some human connection. This is a romantic connection. 1021 01:01:56.000 --> 01:01:59.680 You desire marriage. If you didn't desire marriage, ideally you wouldn't be in the program. 1022 01:02:01.280 --> 01:02:06.160 But what has happened is it's been by his rules and by his way. And a lot of the pressure that 1023 01:02:06.160 --> 01:02:12.000 you're feeling about the car is because you have been doing it his way. Yes, I have. Correct. And 1024 01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:17.040 now you're about to break the pattern of his way because of the car. And though I don't want your 1025 01:02:17.040 --> 01:02:23.120 car to be broken down and cars are frustrating, something needed to stop you from doing things 1026 01:02:23.120 --> 01:02:30.880 his way because you are disservice to yourself. Like you're not serving yourself well. Okay. 1027 01:02:31.840 --> 01:02:37.120 Okay. Yeah, absolutely. So we want to get some things in order in that relationship. 1028 01:02:37.120 --> 01:02:43.360 So you want to ask, well, first of all, before you start talking about understanding if you're his 1029 01:02:44.320 --> 01:02:48.240 significant other, y'all are going to go exclusive. I'm not even sure this is a 1030 01:02:48.240 --> 01:02:53.280 healthy enough relationship for you to come out the market for. That makes sense too. 1031 01:02:54.080 --> 01:02:59.840 So we're not coming out the market in this order, especially not with this order system you have 1032 01:02:59.840 --> 01:03:06.480 that you make the sacrifices and he makes none. Exactly. And you're not, I want to encourage you 1033 01:03:06.480 --> 01:03:12.560 not to continue to live life 50 50 because that's not scripture. And I know that culture may have 1034 01:03:12.560 --> 01:03:16.480 taught you that, but that's not scripture. And you're in a program for revival of kingdom 1035 01:03:16.480 --> 01:03:23.440 marriages. And we believe it's not scripture. We believe in kingdom marriages and kingdom marriages 1036 01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:30.560 is all or nothing is all for all 100 for 100. I don't care how much people allow culture to come 1037 01:03:30.560 --> 01:03:34.880 in kingdom is kingdom and culture is culture. And you can live by culture and, but you don't 1038 01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:42.240 call culture kingdom. Okay. It's definitely not. It's okay. So that's, that's something you can 1039 01:03:42.240 --> 01:03:47.440 ditch that now because it's not going to serve you best. What we teach in this program is called 1040 01:03:47.440 --> 01:03:54.400 reciprocity. I invest something, you invest something, I invest something, you invest 1041 01:03:54.400 --> 01:03:59.360 something. And when you meet a person who's unwilling to invest something, or you meet a 1042 01:03:59.360 --> 01:04:04.080 person that's unwilling, when you say, Hey, I know you prefer texting, but that's not my method of 1043 01:04:04.080 --> 01:04:08.000 communication. We're going to have to schedule at least three times a week where we have a voice 1044 01:04:08.000 --> 01:04:13.360 call. Now this call reciprocation, or if you want to label that 50 50, but I don't even label that 1045 01:04:13.360 --> 01:04:19.200 this call. I give some, you give some. So that means I'm going to show that I'm marriage minded 1046 01:04:19.200 --> 01:04:24.640 by the way that I show up and I'm flexible because I understand everyone has a preferred method of 1047 01:04:24.640 --> 01:04:31.040 communication. All right. And so you're not going to abandon yourself to his form of communication. 1048 01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:35.280 So the first thing that you're going to do when you talk to him, you're going to send him a text 1049 01:04:35.280 --> 01:04:42.640 that says, Hey, we've been doing so much texting and I went along with it. But honestly, I do not 1050 01:04:42.640 --> 01:04:50.560 prefer this at all. Um, for me, I would prefer that we talk at least three to four times a week, 1051 01:04:50.560 --> 01:04:56.160 four to five times a week, 20 to 30 minutes, 15 to 20 minutes. Like you go ahead and lay it out. 1052 01:04:56.160 --> 01:04:59.760 Cause Catherine, I don't want you to hint at anything. 1053 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.760 Hinting does not give you enough data to determine if a person honors you. 1054 01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:06.840 That's true. 1055 01:05:06.840 --> 01:05:08.400 Honor your boundaries. 1056 01:05:08.840 --> 01:05:13.360 And that's why saying what you're going to say is going to serve you best, because 1057 01:05:13.360 --> 01:05:17.760 then you get to see if a person really honors your boundaries and they say, and 1058 01:05:17.760 --> 01:05:19.680 if they choose you, right? 1059 01:05:19.680 --> 01:05:22.000 So somebody come and say, well, I ain't doing it. 1060 01:05:22.440 --> 01:05:23.280 I don't want to do that. 1061 01:05:23.280 --> 01:05:25.560 You can say, Oh, I totally understand. 1062 01:05:25.920 --> 01:05:27.800 It's been really great getting to know you. 1063 01:05:27.800 --> 01:05:31.760 And this part is going to sting me a whole lot, but I'm going to have to release you 1064 01:05:32.520 --> 01:05:35.720 because you're unwilling to choose or to give. 1065 01:05:36.160 --> 01:05:38.320 And I was willing to do that for you. 1066 01:05:38.320 --> 01:05:42.760 But now that I see that that is not your stance, then we can't go any further. 1067 01:05:43.880 --> 01:05:46.920 And it's important that you know that you're chosen. 1068 01:05:48.600 --> 01:05:49.720 And that's going to tell you this. 1069 01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:52.320 So first thing is going to get this communication stuff in order. 1070 01:05:53.040 --> 01:05:57.920 And then you're going to release yourself from the pressure of things that you cannot 1071 01:05:57.920 --> 01:05:58.840 change right now. 1072 01:05:58.840 --> 01:06:00.960 You want to get your vehicle back up and going. 1073 01:06:01.520 --> 01:06:06.960 OK, and I know that it's a sub vehicle and I'm so sorry in this situation, but you have 1074 01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:12.080 to release yourself from this burden of getting your vehicle fixed so that you can go 1075 01:06:12.080 --> 01:06:15.120 see him. So the conversation looks like this. 1076 01:06:15.320 --> 01:06:16.920 My vehicle is down now. 1077 01:06:17.240 --> 01:06:20.560 If you want to see me, then it looks like you're going to be traveling this way. 1078 01:06:21.200 --> 01:06:22.360 Yes, exactly. 1079 01:06:22.360 --> 01:06:25.000 OK. And then that's it. 1080 01:06:25.640 --> 01:06:31.960 Don't if I can or I'll help you pay or maybe we can do or maybe I can. 1081 01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:34.040 Maybe you can't nothing, Catherine. 1082 01:06:35.040 --> 01:06:39.960 Maybe you sit back and watch somebody show up for you, because if nobody's ever helped 1083 01:06:39.960 --> 01:06:43.800 you, if no one ever goes the extra mile for you, that means you got to learn how to 1084 01:06:43.800 --> 01:06:45.560 create space for people to do it. 1085 01:06:45.560 --> 01:06:50.160 And sometimes that's scary because we know deep down on the inside of us, sometimes 1086 01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:55.000 deep down inside of us, there's a lie saying they're not going to do it. 1087 01:06:55.200 --> 01:06:57.320 And so that lie won't be proven true. 1088 01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:59.000 And it won't hurt like I know could hurt. 1089 01:06:59.000 --> 01:07:02.800 I'll go ahead and do it because I just can't deal with the idea that what I really 1090 01:07:02.800 --> 01:07:03.880 believe is really true. 1091 01:07:04.560 --> 01:07:09.480 Right. So I don't give you a chance to prove to me that because I get ahead of you. 1092 01:07:09.880 --> 01:07:13.520 But in this situation, you're going to have to let this man show up. 1093 01:07:14.640 --> 01:07:19.640 Because if one thing you said is true, if he can't show up in this, then he can show up 1094 01:07:19.640 --> 01:07:21.160 in other things. Not likely. 1095 01:07:21.880 --> 01:07:23.400 OK. No. 1096 01:07:23.400 --> 01:07:26.040 And that is so true when I think about that, because. 1097 01:07:29.200 --> 01:07:33.760 Because I feel like now that God is definitely using something horrible like this to do 1098 01:07:33.760 --> 01:07:35.320 something good, because. 1099 01:07:36.440 --> 01:07:41.040 Right. I need to find a man that is definitely willing to show up for me. 1100 01:07:41.040 --> 01:07:44.640 I mean, these are circumstances that are 100 percent out of my control. 1101 01:07:45.080 --> 01:07:49.080 And it's one of those. Well, how much more do you think I hate being the one going 1102 01:07:49.080 --> 01:07:52.040 through it? It's my vehicle that's doing this. 1103 01:07:52.560 --> 01:07:53.640 So exactly. 1104 01:07:54.000 --> 01:07:58.360 And so and then I want to tell you this, because I don't know how often I'm going to 1105 01:07:58.360 --> 01:07:59.360 get you on the call. 1106 01:08:00.640 --> 01:08:03.240 You don't have to find a man that's going to show up for you. 1107 01:08:03.320 --> 01:08:04.800 You just have to show up for you. 1108 01:08:05.400 --> 01:08:09.640 And the next man that comes in your life will show up for you because you show up for 1109 01:08:09.640 --> 01:08:13.160 yourself. That makes sense to hear me when I think about it. 1110 01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:16.880 You don't see we water seeks his own level. 1111 01:08:16.960 --> 01:08:18.760 People draw to their own kind. 1112 01:08:19.680 --> 01:08:23.160 And so when you show up for you, there's a non-negotiable. 1113 01:08:23.160 --> 01:08:25.200 You ain't got to write it on your profile. 1114 01:08:26.479 --> 01:08:29.720 People see that your life is full, full of joy. 1115 01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:34.000 They see they all of that showing up for yourself. 1116 01:08:34.040 --> 01:08:36.760 It just shows up. And when people come in your life, they just go along with the 1117 01:08:36.760 --> 01:08:40.920 program. If you abandon yourself, they'll go along with that program. 1118 01:08:41.160 --> 01:08:45.279 Or if you abandon yourself and you're talking to somebody like me, I say to you, hey, 1119 01:08:45.399 --> 01:08:47.080 sounds like you're abandoning yourself. 1120 01:08:48.080 --> 01:08:51.520 So I wouldn't come in your life and go along with it, but I will come in your life 1121 01:08:51.520 --> 01:08:54.760 and call you out. I will come in your life as a person. 1122 01:08:54.760 --> 01:08:57.640 I've done it before when a person telling me something, I'd be like, yeah, but it 1123 01:08:57.640 --> 01:09:00.120 sounds like the issue really is within your heart. 1124 01:09:02.279 --> 01:09:08.279 So as you as the Lord teaches you how to show up for you, you can do it in little 1125 01:09:08.279 --> 01:09:13.279 things. And the first way you're going to start doing it is you are going to be 1126 01:09:13.279 --> 01:09:17.000 like your son is talking to somebody, he treats her well, there was a clue to you 1127 01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:19.600 that if a child can do it, an adult can do it, right? 1128 01:09:19.760 --> 01:09:20.680 Oh, yeah. 1129 01:09:20.680 --> 01:09:24.560 If it's in their heart to do it, not every adult can do it because it's not in their 1130 01:09:24.560 --> 01:09:28.760 heart to do it. And so that's why you don't take somebody who doesn't carry 1131 01:09:28.760 --> 01:09:32.720 something in their heart to do it, to make them do it, to pressure them to do it. 1132 01:09:32.760 --> 01:09:34.760 If they don't carry it, they don't have it. 1133 01:09:34.880 --> 01:09:36.880 You walk away, they don't have it. 1134 01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:38.960 This is not your husband. 1135 01:09:39.240 --> 01:09:44.520 This is a person you're dating and it's okay that they don't have it because the 1136 01:09:44.520 --> 01:09:48.160 reason why we get offended when people don't have it is because of the running 1137 01:09:48.160 --> 01:09:53.040 script we already believe about ourself, that nobody comes through for me, nobody 1138 01:09:53.040 --> 01:09:55.600 does for me. And then you get offended when they don't do it. 1139 01:09:55.600 --> 01:09:56.800 They just don't have it. 1140 01:09:57.320 --> 01:09:59.040 Nobody has the right to do it. 1141 01:09:59.040 --> 01:10:00.320 They don't have the right to do it. 1142 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.200 being themselves. Okay. And see, so this is where I'm going. So one of the things you're going to do 1143 01:10:00.320 --> 01:10:01.280 They just don't have that. 1144 01:10:01.280 --> 01:10:04.160 And so you have to be like, yo, I'm going to have that. 1145 01:10:04.160 --> 01:10:05.200 I'm going to have that. 1146 01:10:07.200 --> 01:10:13.200 is I want you to write on a piece of paper, all these things you said, nobody comes for me. I'm 1147 01:10:13.200 --> 01:10:17.840 always abandoned. And I want you to deal with, you know, where it came from. You've been through 1148 01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:21.280 hard work. We don't have the capacity to do revealing for healing. We're going to do the 1149 01:10:21.280 --> 01:10:24.880 revealing for healing. And then you're going to deal with those things. And every time you say 1150 01:10:24.880 --> 01:10:27.600 it, and every time you think it, you're going to deal with that thought and you're going to 1151 01:10:27.600 --> 01:10:32.000 replace it with one thought, not five thoughts, not six thoughts, not six declarations, not seven. 1152 01:10:32.880 --> 01:10:39.200 One thought for all of those, because believe it or not, always abandon me. Nobody helps me. 1153 01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:42.960 Nobody goes out of the way for me. I'll come from one root, abandonment. 1154 01:10:45.360 --> 01:10:51.120 And somebody abandoned you. You learn love that way. You learn life that way. Somebody did it. 1155 01:10:51.120 --> 01:10:55.680 It was in your child. Something spoke that to you in your childhood. You're going to go back. 1156 01:10:55.680 --> 01:10:59.520 You know what it is. You're going to deal with it and you're going to call it a lie for what it is. 1157 01:11:00.800 --> 01:11:04.720 Okay. And then you're going to get one thing that every time that thoughts come up, you're going to 1158 01:11:04.720 --> 01:11:09.360 hold it captive and you're going to replace it with your truth. You can post it in the app to 1159 01:11:09.360 --> 01:11:14.320 let me see what the lack is and what you've replaced it with. And I would love to see it 1160 01:11:14.320 --> 01:11:22.560 and give you conversation around it. But listen, Catherine, if you don't deal with that mindset, 1161 01:11:22.560 --> 01:11:27.040 it's going to deal with you and you're going to marry a man who doesn't care about you, 1162 01:11:27.040 --> 01:11:31.520 who won't choose you. And over and over again, you're going to live a life of not being chosen 1163 01:11:31.520 --> 01:11:34.960 and you're going to be abandoned. And you're going to always stretch yourself thin. 1164 01:11:34.960 --> 01:11:39.200 Because I'm telling you, Catherine, you don't have to work for love. You don't have to work 1165 01:11:39.200 --> 01:11:45.120 for acceptance. You don't have to work because you are worthy. You're not worthy because people 1166 01:11:45.120 --> 01:11:50.480 say you're worthy. Let me tell you something. Everybody puts a value on somebody that usually 1167 01:11:50.480 --> 01:11:54.560 is not the highest value of that person. And the reason why they could do this is because they've 1168 01:11:54.560 --> 01:11:59.760 not seen the fullness of that person. And so that's why we use the Lord's measuring stick for 1169 01:11:59.760 --> 01:12:06.640 our life. And he has measured you worthy. Men, people, sister, brothers, children, mother, 1170 01:12:06.640 --> 01:12:12.640 father will always come short. Because if your identity is solely found in what they say, 1171 01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:16.960 then you are pretty much doomed in a lot of areas of your life because they have opinions 1172 01:12:16.960 --> 01:12:20.400 and they've come through trauma and they've lived through things and they measure things 1173 01:12:20.400 --> 01:12:26.560 by a certain way. Do you understand what I'm saying? And so it is God who gives you identity 1174 01:12:26.560 --> 01:12:30.880 and we're going to work our way to that. And so I really want you to post that activity 1175 01:12:30.880 --> 01:12:36.800 because if we don't deal with that mindset, then you're going to attract who you currently are. 1176 01:12:37.760 --> 01:12:42.560 And this is not the full picture of who you are. This is just a glimpse of the thing that 1177 01:12:42.560 --> 01:12:47.520 the Lord wants to pull out of you so that he can restore you. So let me pray for you. 1178 01:12:47.520 --> 01:12:51.360 Father God, I thank you for Catherine. Ladies, she was just joining an agreement. I thank you, 1179 01:12:51.360 --> 01:12:55.600 Lord God, for Catherine. I thank you for what you want to do in her life. I thank you, Lord God, 1180 01:12:55.600 --> 01:13:00.640 though she may have been dealt bitter seeds to chew on as a child, you are the God who comes 1181 01:13:00.640 --> 01:13:06.080 and brings sweet ripe fruit for her now. I thank you, Lord God, that you are working things out 1182 01:13:06.080 --> 01:13:10.320 for your good and her glory. I thank you, Lord God, that you're bringing in provision. The Bible 1183 01:13:10.320 --> 01:13:14.640 says that you are Ebenezer. You are a stone of help. So right now, in the name of Jesus, 1184 01:13:14.640 --> 01:13:21.280 I call on Ebenezer. I call on her stone of help. And I say, come quickly, for she needs you, God. 1185 01:13:21.280 --> 01:13:25.760 I don't care what's against her. I don't care what her thought life is like. I pray that the 1186 01:13:25.760 --> 01:13:34.640 God of help will break in now and bring relief and bring help in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. 1187 01:13:34.640 --> 01:13:39.600 Amen. All right. Keep me updated. I will. Thank you. You're welcome. 1188 01:13:40.560 --> 01:13:43.680 Is there anybody else? I do. 1189 01:13:44.640 --> 01:13:50.080 Yes. Go for it. Just one thing. So we're fixing the communication problem. Update me on that. 1190 01:13:50.080 --> 01:13:57.360 And we're dealing with the abandonment route. Yeah. Yes. Okay. When you think you can get 1191 01:13:57.360 --> 01:14:02.640 that information to me? Definitely before next Tuesday. 1192 01:14:02.640 --> 01:14:07.520 That sounds good. We got to get that communication straight. You're not going to do it like that, 1193 01:14:07.520 --> 01:14:10.960 okay? Exactly. But yeah, I'll have it before next week. 1194 01:14:12.720 --> 01:14:18.400 Thank you. All right. And keep me updated on your car. I'm believing the stone of help to come 1195 01:14:18.400 --> 01:14:22.160 through for you. I know it seems like I won't leave it alone, but I'm invested in this now. 1196 01:14:22.160 --> 01:14:25.520 And we're going to get this thing right because you're worthy of so much more. 1197 01:14:25.520 --> 01:14:29.680 Yeah. I still want a good vehicle for me either way. And I did buy five 1198 01:14:30.160 --> 01:14:37.440 tickets to try to win a Mustang. Okay. Go ahead. Sweet. All right. Go. 1199 01:14:41.040 --> 01:14:45.040 I think it was Glenna first or I can go. This is Rachel. 1200 01:14:46.000 --> 01:14:53.680 Go Rachel. Okay. I'm going to be quick so I can listen to your answer because I'm on duty tonight. 1201 01:14:59.680 --> 01:15:00.240 I need you. 1202 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.640 And here's what's been going on. 1203 01:15:06.080 --> 01:15:16.400 So Tom is away on retreat and slash vacation, and we haven't seen each 1204 01:15:16.400 --> 01:15:22.160 other for two weeks and he, we just talked and he told me that he's planning 1205 01:15:22.160 --> 01:15:26.760 to, he feel like the Lord is inviting him to stay in New Jersey for the entire month. 1206 01:15:27.200 --> 01:15:31.320 And I'm like, that's great, but what does that mean for us? 1207 01:15:35.040 --> 01:15:42.600 I realized that I'm a bit more like face to face connection kind of person. 1208 01:15:42.600 --> 01:15:44.000 Like I need that to connect. 1209 01:15:44.920 --> 01:15:48.440 And, um, he has not given me an answer yet. 1210 01:15:48.440 --> 01:15:50.720 He's like, I'm going to pray about it type of thing. 1211 01:15:53.400 --> 01:15:54.760 Because I'm like, no, no, no. 1212 01:15:54.800 --> 01:15:57.520 Because I said, I said, what does that look like exactly? 1213 01:15:57.560 --> 01:15:58.800 Like, what does that mean for you? 1214 01:15:58.800 --> 01:15:59.920 Like, how do you connect? 1215 01:15:59.960 --> 01:16:04.480 Because we are, you, we already haven't seen each other for two weeks. 1216 01:16:04.480 --> 01:16:06.480 Today's been two weeks since we haven't seen each other. 1217 01:16:06.800 --> 01:16:08.200 We were supposed to see each other. 1218 01:16:08.280 --> 01:16:11.280 He told me that he could come down, but that fell through. 1219 01:16:12.120 --> 01:16:14.720 So, because he told me he was tired. 1220 01:16:14.760 --> 01:16:17.800 So I was like, okay, I want to honor his boundaries. 1221 01:16:17.800 --> 01:16:18.840 I want to respect that. 1222 01:16:18.840 --> 01:16:26.480 But at the same time, I was disappointed because, you know, so I don't know. 1223 01:16:26.480 --> 01:16:34.760 I'm just, I don't know how to, how to deal like, and I made it clear tonight. 1224 01:16:34.760 --> 01:16:38.640 I was like, okay, I'm not standing between what you feel because it was like, it was 1225 01:16:38.680 --> 01:16:42.080 even before like we started dating and I was like, I'm not going to stand between 1226 01:16:42.080 --> 01:16:43.560 what Dolores and writing you to do. 1227 01:16:44.000 --> 01:16:45.000 Like, I don't want to do that. 1228 01:16:45.520 --> 01:16:50.400 But at the same time, like I, for somebody who at times, like in the past, I have 1229 01:16:50.400 --> 01:16:53.960 believed, and even now I'm still healing, like that my needs aren't important. 1230 01:16:54.400 --> 01:16:59.880 Like, it's easy for me to say, oh, like you can do you, but it's like, but no, like 1231 01:16:59.880 --> 01:17:01.360 we haven't seen each other in two weeks. 1232 01:17:01.800 --> 01:17:03.320 And I did tell him that Saturday. 1233 01:17:03.320 --> 01:17:05.200 I was like, it's almost two weeks. 1234 01:17:05.240 --> 01:17:06.400 Like, I haven't seen you. 1235 01:17:07.600 --> 01:17:12.280 And he was like, we'll come back to that conversation on Sunday or Monday. 1236 01:17:12.480 --> 01:17:13.760 Well, yesterday he didn't call me. 1237 01:17:14.320 --> 01:17:20.400 He just sent me a text and said that he's going to turn off his phone early and that, 1238 01:17:21.320 --> 01:17:23.600 you know, and then today I was like, what happened? 1239 01:17:23.600 --> 01:17:24.720 Was there something that happened yesterday? 1240 01:17:24.720 --> 01:17:29.360 It was like, no, I just wanted to watch a movie and pray, spend some time praying. 1241 01:17:29.800 --> 01:17:31.360 And that's why he didn't call. 1242 01:17:32.600 --> 01:17:32.960 Okay. 1243 01:17:34.720 --> 01:17:38.040 I'm just quickly giving you this synopsis because I want to listen to what you have 1244 01:17:38.040 --> 01:17:38.400 to share. 1245 01:17:38.400 --> 01:17:40.120 There's so much more that I could share with you. 1246 01:17:40.640 --> 01:17:48.200 Um, but yeah, I just, I mean, I told him like, I need, what does, what is this going to 1247 01:17:48.200 --> 01:17:48.520 look like? 1248 01:17:48.520 --> 01:17:51.240 Because it's already been two weeks and then you're spending the whole month of July 1249 01:17:51.240 --> 01:17:51.560 away. 1250 01:17:51.640 --> 01:17:52.800 Like, what does that look like? 1251 01:17:53.880 --> 01:17:54.280 Yeah. 1252 01:17:54.440 --> 01:17:57.720 So how often were y'all seeing each other before the two weeks? 1253 01:17:58.120 --> 01:18:03.400 Um, once a week, sometimes we've done twice. 1254 01:18:04.800 --> 01:18:06.360 Once a week or twice. 1255 01:18:06.600 --> 01:18:06.800 Yeah. 1256 01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:09.320 And how long has that been going on? 1257 01:18:10.320 --> 01:18:16.280 Um, I think since we started and how, I can't, I don't remember when they started. 1258 01:18:16.280 --> 01:18:17.640 So, uh, the end of May. 1259 01:18:18.560 --> 01:18:19.400 So it's been a month. 1260 01:18:20.160 --> 01:18:24.040 So one month and you guys have seen each other once a week or twice. 1261 01:18:25.360 --> 01:18:25.600 Okay. 1262 01:18:25.600 --> 01:18:27.160 There's a lot of seeing, right? 1263 01:18:29.640 --> 01:18:30.000 Yeah. 1264 01:18:30.960 --> 01:18:31.320 Okay. 1265 01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:36.720 And then when y'all see each other doing this once a week or twice for a month, how 1266 01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:37.800 the interactions. 1267 01:18:38.800 --> 01:18:41.400 Um, it depends. 1268 01:18:41.400 --> 01:18:44.680 Sometimes like we go out, but y'all have a good time. 1269 01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:46.920 Yeah. 1270 01:18:46.920 --> 01:18:47.160 Yeah. 1271 01:18:48.120 --> 01:18:52.760 And this, you seeing him once a week or twice a month, are these your ideas or this 1272 01:18:52.760 --> 01:18:54.440 is all both of y'all ideas? 1273 01:18:55.320 --> 01:18:56.880 No, it's both of us. 1274 01:18:56.880 --> 01:19:02.200 Like sometimes I go up, sometimes it comes down, but has it been because you desire 1275 01:19:02.200 --> 01:19:07.320 seeing each other or you desire seeing him or you both desire to see each other? 1276 01:19:08.680 --> 01:19:10.360 I think it's a both agreed thing. 1277 01:19:12.920 --> 01:19:13.160 Yeah. 1278 01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:14.520 You sure? 1279 01:19:15.240 --> 01:19:16.600 I think, I think so. 1280 01:19:17.400 --> 01:19:17.760 Okay. 1281 01:19:18.200 --> 01:19:21.840 If you had to think about it, if it was left up to him and you didn't say anything, 1282 01:19:21.840 --> 01:19:22.840 would he still come? 1283 01:19:24.120 --> 01:19:24.680 Hmm. 1284 01:19:25.600 --> 01:19:26.480 That's a great question. 1285 01:19:27.480 --> 01:19:28.920 Well, I need to pay attention to that. 1286 01:19:29.640 --> 01:19:30.000 Yeah. 1287 01:19:30.040 --> 01:19:32.160 Was this an expectation that you said? 1288 01:19:34.640 --> 01:19:36.200 I, I don't think so. 1289 01:19:36.920 --> 01:19:37.280 Okay. 1290 01:19:38.120 --> 01:19:44.040 Um, so, and I'm, I'm just trying to gather because, um, we want, I want you 1291 01:19:44.040 --> 01:19:51.600 to do a little homework and determine how he has shown up, uh, how he shows up 1292 01:19:51.600 --> 01:19:55.520 in the relationship can give you some hints about what's going on with him. 1293 01:19:56.280 --> 01:19:58.600 Um, is he an overload? 1294 01:19:58.600 --> 01:19:59.720 Does he need a break? 1295 01:19:59.800 --> 01:19:59.960 Is. 1296 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.960 is more than he could handle. 1297 01:20:01.960 --> 01:20:05.480 Do you lean more towards, I need connection all the time? 1298 01:20:05.480 --> 01:20:08.440 And does he actually lean more towards, I need a break? 1299 01:20:08.440 --> 01:20:10.320 Is this him crying out for a break? 1300 01:20:10.320 --> 01:20:12.120 Because if you've been seeing each other once a week 1301 01:20:12.120 --> 01:20:14.560 or twice a week, it's just been one month. 1302 01:20:14.560 --> 01:20:17.100 So there's only four times seeing each other. 1303 01:20:17.100 --> 01:20:19.640 But you got to think about, you guys went from friends 1304 01:20:19.640 --> 01:20:22.680 to exclusive into this expectation. 1305 01:20:22.680 --> 01:20:26.800 This was also the same person who wanted you to do counseling 1306 01:20:26.800 --> 01:20:28.240 or of some sorts, right? 1307 01:20:28.240 --> 01:20:31.120 He wanted you to, he wanted you to get involved 1308 01:20:31.120 --> 01:20:33.360 in something to determine if y'all will be the best match. 1309 01:20:33.360 --> 01:20:34.200 You was like, whoa, there's going to be- 1310 01:20:34.200 --> 01:20:39.200 Oh yeah, like to do, to meet with one of the coach 1311 01:20:40.080 --> 01:20:42.440 and last year single. 1312 01:20:43.480 --> 01:20:45.920 So he wanted to do like the Simba's class? 1313 01:20:45.920 --> 01:20:47.080 Not the Simba's class. 1314 01:20:47.080 --> 01:20:51.280 He just wanted us to meet with one of the coaches. 1315 01:20:51.280 --> 01:20:52.120 And why? 1316 01:20:53.040 --> 01:20:55.680 I think he said that, what did he say? 1317 01:20:55.680 --> 01:20:57.520 I can't remember what he said. 1318 01:20:57.560 --> 01:21:00.280 I actually need to go back to that conversation with him. 1319 01:21:00.280 --> 01:21:01.120 Yeah. 1320 01:21:01.120 --> 01:21:02.680 And so I want you to do a little homework 1321 01:21:02.680 --> 01:21:04.560 and I want you to track the things that he said. 1322 01:21:04.560 --> 01:21:05.640 I want you to track some things 1323 01:21:05.640 --> 01:21:07.720 maybe you didn't hear that he said. 1324 01:21:07.720 --> 01:21:09.960 And this is not like a doom thing, 1325 01:21:09.960 --> 01:21:13.200 but why is the Lord, this is coming for him, 1326 01:21:13.200 --> 01:21:15.680 for the Lord to call him away into solitude? 1327 01:21:17.080 --> 01:21:17.920 I'm ready. 1328 01:21:18.680 --> 01:21:19.520 I'm ready. 1329 01:21:26.120 --> 01:21:30.120 And he told me that started before we started dating, so. 1330 01:21:30.120 --> 01:21:31.160 That the Lord called him away 1331 01:21:31.160 --> 01:21:33.680 for months at a time to solitude? 1332 01:21:33.680 --> 01:21:37.320 No, just for the month of June. 1333 01:21:37.320 --> 01:21:40.640 Oh, so the month of June is his month with the Lord. 1334 01:21:40.640 --> 01:21:42.640 No, no, no, July. 1335 01:21:43.560 --> 01:21:44.880 Oh, July, we in July. 1336 01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:47.040 July is his, does he go to the mountain 1337 01:21:47.080 --> 01:21:48.480 and pray or something, what's this? 1338 01:21:48.480 --> 01:21:51.000 No, he just said that he wasn't being invited 1339 01:21:51.000 --> 01:21:54.720 to go to New York, to New Jersey in July. 1340 01:21:58.000 --> 01:21:59.960 But you say he does it every year? 1341 01:21:59.960 --> 01:22:01.000 No, no, no, no, no. 1342 01:22:02.320 --> 01:22:03.920 And he's going there to do what? 1343 01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:10.360 He went for vacation and then slash a retreat and then. 1344 01:22:10.360 --> 01:22:12.280 And who does he do this with? 1345 01:22:12.280 --> 01:22:13.200 Just himself. 1346 01:22:14.040 --> 01:22:14.880 Mm-hmm. 1347 01:22:16.280 --> 01:22:19.320 Oh, okay, and so he's saying he's retired. 1348 01:22:22.080 --> 01:22:24.120 So is he going to work while he's there? 1349 01:22:24.120 --> 01:22:26.880 Yeah, he's an entrepreneur, so he can work away. 1350 01:22:26.880 --> 01:22:29.720 Okay, and so that doesn't mean he doesn't have a, 1351 01:22:29.720 --> 01:22:32.280 he's not saying that y'all are not going to communicate. 1352 01:22:32.280 --> 01:22:36.720 No, I, no, I have to go, Ebony, 1353 01:22:36.720 --> 01:22:38.440 but I just want to hear a little bit more, 1354 01:22:38.440 --> 01:22:40.400 like, because I have, I'm on duty tonight, 1355 01:22:40.400 --> 01:22:42.200 so, but I really wanted to ask 1356 01:22:42.240 --> 01:22:43.080 because I'm. 1357 01:22:44.240 --> 01:22:45.880 Well, okay, I know you have to go, 1358 01:22:45.880 --> 01:22:47.480 but I'm asking so many questions 1359 01:22:47.480 --> 01:22:50.880 because I have to determine if he, 1360 01:22:50.880 --> 01:22:52.440 this is a new thing for him. 1361 01:22:52.440 --> 01:22:54.160 Like, it's so easy to say, 1362 01:22:54.160 --> 01:22:55.840 you're trying to pull away from me. 1363 01:22:55.840 --> 01:22:57.280 He could be trying to pull away from you, 1364 01:22:57.280 --> 01:22:58.800 but not in that way. 1365 01:23:00.880 --> 01:23:02.600 Like, he's getting to know you differently. 1366 01:23:02.600 --> 01:23:03.800 If you got to go, I'm going to stop talking, 1367 01:23:03.800 --> 01:23:04.800 but you got to understand, 1368 01:23:04.800 --> 01:23:09.080 y'all went from one to exclusive, to expectations, 1369 01:23:09.080 --> 01:23:10.360 to be with me every week. 1370 01:23:10.360 --> 01:23:11.280 What are you going to do about me? 1371 01:23:12.280 --> 01:23:13.200 And that's when I talked about 1372 01:23:13.200 --> 01:23:16.240 how you skipped that first two months 1373 01:23:16.240 --> 01:23:18.360 of working your way up to getting to know a person 1374 01:23:18.360 --> 01:23:19.880 before you go exclusive. 1375 01:23:19.880 --> 01:23:21.560 And so now it's all these demands 1376 01:23:21.560 --> 01:23:25.280 that were never there before, right? 1377 01:23:25.280 --> 01:23:27.800 And now there's responsibility on him to show up 1378 01:23:27.800 --> 01:23:28.760 because that's what happens, 1379 01:23:28.760 --> 01:23:30.920 you go exclusive with the person. 1380 01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:34.680 And so he could just be going through a man thing of like, 1381 01:23:34.680 --> 01:23:36.120 okay, what is this? 1382 01:23:36.120 --> 01:23:38.080 I need a break from this. 1383 01:23:38.080 --> 01:23:39.120 And so if he says to you, 1384 01:23:39.120 --> 01:23:42.680 we're not going to have conversation ever while I'm away. 1385 01:23:42.680 --> 01:23:44.240 And so I want you to process 1386 01:23:44.240 --> 01:23:46.720 what has he shown you over the month? 1387 01:23:46.720 --> 01:23:47.680 How's he showing up? 1388 01:23:47.680 --> 01:23:49.360 Because you could be missing some things 1389 01:23:49.360 --> 01:23:51.720 that show you that he actually does need breaks, 1390 01:23:51.720 --> 01:23:54.200 but he's been pushing himself to show up for you. 1391 01:23:55.560 --> 01:23:59.160 And if you want, you can add something in the group 1392 01:23:59.160 --> 01:24:00.040 so I can respond, 1393 01:24:00.040 --> 01:24:02.640 or you can book a one-on-one coaching if you want to, 1394 01:24:02.640 --> 01:24:03.880 so we can work through this, 1395 01:24:03.880 --> 01:24:05.480 but I need more pieces. 1396 01:24:05.480 --> 01:24:07.160 It's not cut and dry, 1397 01:24:07.160 --> 01:24:08.880 because this guy was your friend first. 1398 01:24:09.640 --> 01:24:11.760 So he's not some bum 1399 01:24:11.760 --> 01:24:13.840 that's trying to pull something over on you. 1400 01:24:13.840 --> 01:24:15.640 And if he does need to retreat, 1401 01:24:15.640 --> 01:24:17.240 then we got to talk through this 1402 01:24:17.240 --> 01:24:19.040 because your heart is on the line. 1403 01:24:19.040 --> 01:24:21.320 It's not just cut and dry. 1404 01:24:21.320 --> 01:24:22.440 So in the meantime, 1405 01:24:22.440 --> 01:24:24.720 if you don't post and if you don't just say, 1406 01:24:24.720 --> 01:24:26.600 hey, what's your plan for us to talk, 1407 01:24:26.600 --> 01:24:27.560 or we can FaceTime, 1408 01:24:27.560 --> 01:24:29.720 there's other ways for you to communicate. 1409 01:24:29.720 --> 01:24:30.800 Yeah. 1410 01:24:30.800 --> 01:24:31.840 Right? 1411 01:24:31.840 --> 01:24:32.680 My question is, 1412 01:24:32.680 --> 01:24:34.280 how long does it take to get, 1413 01:24:34.280 --> 01:24:36.040 like once I booked the one-on-one, 1414 01:24:36.040 --> 01:24:38.320 like how long does it take to schedule it? 1415 01:24:39.360 --> 01:24:40.800 You just pick your time. 1416 01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:42.320 You can pick in the morning if you want. 1417 01:24:42.320 --> 01:24:43.560 You just pick a time. 1418 01:24:43.560 --> 01:24:45.040 Oh, okay. 1419 01:24:45.040 --> 01:24:45.880 Okay, that's good. 1420 01:24:45.880 --> 01:24:47.520 It's lots of times available, 1421 01:24:47.520 --> 01:24:48.880 but I'm not gonna, 1422 01:24:48.880 --> 01:24:50.400 I can't just cut, 1423 01:24:50.400 --> 01:24:51.800 this has to be worked through. 1424 01:24:51.800 --> 01:24:53.600 I think that you may be missing some stuff. 1425 01:24:53.600 --> 01:24:55.160 We have to map this out. 1426 01:24:55.160 --> 01:24:56.280 Yeah, okay. 1427 01:24:56.280 --> 01:24:58.400 Then it's better that I do the one-on-one with you, 1428 01:24:58.400 --> 01:25:00.240 because yeah, this is just too much. 1429 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.400 I can't show it, it's just too much. 1430 01:25:02.400 --> 01:25:04.000 You can, tomorrow's Wednesday 1431 01:25:04.000 --> 01:25:06.720 and I know I have some time available tomorrow, so. 1432 01:25:06.720 --> 01:25:08.200 Okay, I'll look on the thing. 1433 01:25:08.200 --> 01:25:11.520 I know tomorrow I work all day until. 1434 01:25:11.520 --> 01:25:14.400 But Thursday, there are lots of time stays available. 1435 01:25:14.400 --> 01:25:15.240 Yeah. 1436 01:25:15.240 --> 01:25:18.440 Okay, I'll check the thing and then I'll book a one-on-one 1437 01:25:18.440 --> 01:25:20.720 because I think it's much better. 1438 01:25:20.720 --> 01:25:21.720 Okay. 1439 01:25:21.720 --> 01:25:22.560 Thank you, Ebony. 1440 01:25:22.560 --> 01:25:24.720 It's gonna be okay, you're not abandoned. 1441 01:25:24.720 --> 01:25:27.480 It's just a part of a relationship, that's all it is. 1442 01:25:27.480 --> 01:25:28.960 I know, I know. 1443 01:25:28.960 --> 01:25:30.840 Okay, all right. 1444 01:25:30.840 --> 01:25:32.600 You're welcome, have a good night. 1445 01:25:34.040 --> 01:25:35.040 Daisy. 1446 01:25:37.920 --> 01:25:38.760 Hey, Ebony. 1447 01:25:38.760 --> 01:25:40.040 Thank y'all for y'all patience tonight, ladies. 1448 01:25:40.040 --> 01:25:41.880 I think all of this is good to work through, 1449 01:25:41.880 --> 01:25:44.520 so I'm happy to be working through it with you all. 1450 01:25:44.520 --> 01:25:46.720 I don't know, is this good for y'all, anybody, 1451 01:25:46.720 --> 01:25:47.560 getting something? 1452 01:25:47.560 --> 01:25:49.840 Yes, this is really, really good. 1453 01:25:49.840 --> 01:25:52.480 I'm sorry, my camera stopped working, so I don't know. 1454 01:25:52.480 --> 01:25:53.320 It's okay. 1455 01:25:53.320 --> 01:25:54.680 Yeah. 1456 01:25:54.680 --> 01:25:57.200 Well, first, I just wanna say I was so happy to see you 1457 01:25:57.240 --> 01:26:00.160 because I went to grab the link to come on here 1458 01:26:00.160 --> 01:26:02.840 and I saw that spotlight singles deal 1459 01:26:02.840 --> 01:26:06.160 and I was like, no, I wanted to talk to Ebony. 1460 01:26:06.160 --> 01:26:10.400 So I'm glad it was the wrong night, whenever it was. 1461 01:26:11.640 --> 01:26:14.560 Basically, I feel like I'm finally in the game 1462 01:26:14.560 --> 01:26:16.840 because I went on a date. 1463 01:26:16.840 --> 01:26:18.120 Hey! 1464 01:26:18.120 --> 01:26:21.840 Yeah, so I wanted to run a couple of things by you. 1465 01:26:23.160 --> 01:26:25.120 I've been talking to this one guy, 1466 01:26:25.120 --> 01:26:27.080 well, he's the one that I went on a date with 1467 01:26:27.960 --> 01:26:29.520 and I found him on Upward 1468 01:26:29.520 --> 01:26:34.200 and he lives about 45 minutes away from me. 1469 01:26:34.200 --> 01:26:38.600 So he came yesterday, it was yesterday, 1470 01:26:38.600 --> 01:26:40.200 he came and we had breakfast 1471 01:26:41.960 --> 01:26:46.960 and he seems to wanna move things along pretty fast 1472 01:26:47.640 --> 01:26:52.640 and he is going to New York 1473 01:26:53.640 --> 01:26:58.640 and for the next, I guess, two weeks, 1474 01:26:59.160 --> 01:27:02.880 he wants to like get together again several times. 1475 01:27:02.880 --> 01:27:04.840 He wants me to go where he lives 1476 01:27:04.840 --> 01:27:07.360 and he wants to spend all day showing me around 1477 01:27:07.360 --> 01:27:08.840 and all this kind of stuff. 1478 01:27:08.840 --> 01:27:12.200 I just don't feel like, I know you guys have said, 1479 01:27:13.800 --> 01:27:17.080 don't spend hours and hours on a date 1480 01:27:17.080 --> 01:27:22.080 and so we spent a couple of hours on yesterday's date 1481 01:27:22.240 --> 01:27:26.400 and it was really nice, very pleasant, 1482 01:27:26.400 --> 01:27:28.600 a lot of great things that I like about him. 1483 01:27:28.600 --> 01:27:31.000 He's already asking, what are you looking for? 1484 01:27:32.560 --> 01:27:34.200 He's very interested. 1485 01:27:34.200 --> 01:27:37.440 So I just don't wanna go too fast 1486 01:27:39.040 --> 01:27:40.400 and so I just wanted to run that. 1487 01:27:40.400 --> 01:27:42.080 That was one thing that I wanted to ask, 1488 01:27:42.080 --> 01:27:43.560 what do you think about? 1489 01:27:43.560 --> 01:27:46.440 So I really don't feel comfortable spending all day. 1490 01:27:46.440 --> 01:27:48.640 He wants to come pick me up, take me 1491 01:27:48.640 --> 01:27:51.200 because my car also needs some repairs 1492 01:27:51.240 --> 01:27:54.520 and I don't feel comfortable, number one, 1493 01:27:54.520 --> 01:27:57.320 to not have my own vehicle there 1494 01:27:57.320 --> 01:28:01.800 and then number two, to spend all day long right now. 1495 01:28:01.800 --> 01:28:04.440 It's only been about a week that we've been talking. 1496 01:28:04.440 --> 01:28:05.840 Right. 1497 01:28:05.840 --> 01:28:07.600 How far did you say he was coming? 1498 01:28:09.080 --> 01:28:13.400 It's 45 miles or 45 minutes. 1499 01:28:13.400 --> 01:28:15.080 Oh, okay. 1500 01:28:15.080 --> 01:28:17.040 Yeah, there's no reason to do a marathon date 1501 01:28:17.040 --> 01:28:18.760 for 45 minutes. 1502 01:28:18.760 --> 01:28:19.600 Yeah. 1503 01:28:19.600 --> 01:28:20.440 Right. 1504 01:28:22.160 --> 01:28:26.720 And so, go ahead, I'm sorry. 1505 01:28:26.720 --> 01:28:31.720 No, so I mean, I'm just gonna share with him 1506 01:28:31.800 --> 01:28:35.520 that at this point, we're just getting to know each other. 1507 01:28:35.520 --> 01:28:40.520 I'd rather just keep it maybe a couple of hours at a time, 1508 01:28:40.520 --> 01:28:42.320 something like that. 1509 01:28:42.320 --> 01:28:45.680 Yeah, so the picking up thing is a no-go, right? 1510 01:28:45.680 --> 01:28:47.160 Yeah, yeah. 1511 01:28:47.160 --> 01:28:50.640 So that's not safe. 1512 01:28:50.640 --> 01:28:51.680 How long were y'all talking 1513 01:28:51.680 --> 01:28:54.040 before y'all went on the first date, you said? 1514 01:28:54.040 --> 01:28:55.400 Just about a week. 1515 01:28:55.400 --> 01:28:58.000 Okay, on the app, you met him on Upwork 1516 01:28:58.000 --> 01:29:00.040 and then he came down, y'all met, y'all hung out, 1517 01:29:00.040 --> 01:29:02.000 you had a great time, right? 1518 01:29:02.000 --> 01:29:02.840 Yes. 1519 01:29:02.840 --> 01:29:05.400 And then somebody drive 45 minutes, that's a good drive. 1520 01:29:05.400 --> 01:29:06.400 It's like an hour drive. 1521 01:29:06.400 --> 01:29:09.720 I can see you hanging out two hours or three hours. 1522 01:29:09.720 --> 01:29:11.000 It's your first time meeting a person, 1523 01:29:11.000 --> 01:29:12.280 you're really excited. 1524 01:29:12.280 --> 01:29:17.280 So I just want you to know that it's no slack. 1525 01:29:17.360 --> 01:29:18.720 Even ladies, just to add this, 1526 01:29:18.720 --> 01:29:19.680 I know we're talking about you guys, 1527 01:29:19.680 --> 01:29:21.440 even if somebody came from out of town 1528 01:29:21.440 --> 01:29:23.360 and they want to do a marathon date, 1529 01:29:23.360 --> 01:29:25.120 if somebody comes from a great distance, 1530 01:29:25.120 --> 01:29:26.640 you're going to want to do a marathon date, 1531 01:29:26.640 --> 01:29:29.360 but you can always break up the dating time. 1532 01:29:29.360 --> 01:29:31.440 Like I meet you for coffee that morning, 1533 01:29:31.440 --> 01:29:33.120 and then maybe we get back together 1534 01:29:33.120 --> 01:29:35.120 around two o'clock that afternoon 1535 01:29:35.120 --> 01:29:37.440 or three o'clock that afternoon, 1536 01:29:37.440 --> 01:29:39.080 hang out, have an early dinner, 1537 01:29:39.080 --> 01:29:40.920 and then I go home and go to bed. 1538 01:29:40.920 --> 01:29:42.360 They're still in your city 1539 01:29:42.360 --> 01:29:44.280 and you did see them a good portion of the day, 1540 01:29:44.280 --> 01:29:46.000 but you broke it up 1541 01:29:46.000 --> 01:29:48.240 where it wouldn't be constant, constant, constant. 1542 01:29:48.280 --> 01:29:50.120 And so there are ways to work around that. 1543 01:29:50.120 --> 01:29:52.240 And so, yeah, so you just let him know 1544 01:29:52.240 --> 01:29:53.200 what you said, Daisy, 1545 01:29:53.200 --> 01:29:56.320 that you don't want to do a marathon date on, 1546 01:29:56.320 --> 01:29:57.440 is it tomorrow? 1547 01:29:58.600 --> 01:30:00.040 No, he wants to see me. 1548 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.120 Saturday he wants to see you on Saturday. You're not comfortable with doing it 1549 01:30:04.120 --> 01:30:08.120 Are you comfortable with with having the date or you're gonna wait until your car is fixed 1550 01:30:09.680 --> 01:30:11.920 I'm comfortable with having the date 1551 01:30:12.840 --> 01:30:14.320 so 1552 01:30:14.320 --> 01:30:16.320 I'm gonna see what he says 1553 01:30:16.600 --> 01:30:19.820 About that. I mean he said he would be willing to come back 1554 01:30:22.480 --> 01:30:27.920 He should definitely be willing to come back you're such a pretty lady, I'm sure he feels like he's hit the jackpot 1555 01:30:28.920 --> 01:30:35.920 Thank you, you're welcome. And so, um, yeah, so are you gonna over to where the location? 1556 01:30:37.040 --> 01:30:39.040 well, um, I 1557 01:30:39.160 --> 01:30:43.160 Rented a car before like when I need to go out until I get my car fixed 1558 01:30:43.440 --> 01:30:47.960 So if I knew if I need to do that, I don't mind my bigger 1559 01:30:48.560 --> 01:30:52.880 concern was like I said, I just don't want him to I 1560 01:30:53.480 --> 01:30:57.680 Do like him. There are a lot of qualities that I already see 1561 01:30:58.040 --> 01:31:00.040 Really great qualities that I like 1562 01:31:00.680 --> 01:31:05.720 But I just don't want to spend all day long yet. I mean, I feel like it's too soon 1563 01:31:05.720 --> 01:31:09.280 I don't want to go too fast and I feel like it's already taken off way faster 1564 01:31:10.200 --> 01:31:11.760 then 1565 01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:14.160 You know, that's what I want to talk about 1566 01:31:14.160 --> 01:31:18.920 I know it's just like I'm very pasted what I'm saying, but it feels like I'm missing some stuff 1567 01:31:18.920 --> 01:31:23.200 That's what I want you to tell me. I'm glad you said that why do you feel like he's going too fast? 1568 01:31:23.200 --> 01:31:25.200 What if conversations been like? 1569 01:31:25.720 --> 01:31:27.040 well 1570 01:31:27.040 --> 01:31:29.040 We're not on the app anymore 1571 01:31:30.520 --> 01:31:32.520 Given my number 1572 01:31:33.440 --> 01:31:36.400 After a few I think it was a couple of days or so and 1573 01:31:39.520 --> 01:31:41.520 And then I remembered that 1574 01:31:42.360 --> 01:31:48.000 We should do like a video call. So I asked for that and being that it was July 4th weekend 1575 01:31:49.040 --> 01:31:51.040 He was busy with work. They had 1576 01:31:52.040 --> 01:31:57.800 Barbecues and whatnot all these events and things and so I was just I really didn't know but he would 1577 01:31:58.000 --> 01:32:01.320 he would get back to me after like a couple of hours or so and 1578 01:32:01.920 --> 01:32:03.680 by text and 1579 01:32:03.680 --> 01:32:09.320 so I really just learning about him about his work and all that but um 1580 01:32:10.600 --> 01:32:17.200 he just I guess like someone else was saying, you know, I think it was Catherine right now and when he just 1581 01:32:17.680 --> 01:32:21.160 He'll text oh, whatever whatever my dear or 1582 01:32:22.480 --> 01:32:28.680 you know just very upfront about what are you looking for because I really like they see or and then I 1583 01:32:28.960 --> 01:32:33.200 Took a day to answer him about that and I told them the qualities 1584 01:32:34.360 --> 01:32:41.160 that I was looking for and he you know, he's like, well, I I really believe I can fulfill all these things and 1585 01:32:41.600 --> 01:32:45.520 You know, it's just the talk is yesterday was good. It was light-hearted 1586 01:32:45.680 --> 01:32:50.280 I mean we had some real talk as well as far as like us 1587 01:32:50.920 --> 01:32:58.480 family and just things like that, but I I'm really trying hard not to get so deep right away because I'm just I 1588 01:32:58.840 --> 01:33:05.320 like deep conversations, but I'm trying to keep it light-hearted and be curious like you guys teach and 1589 01:33:06.160 --> 01:33:14.040 Do longer dating, you know what? I've been I've been married before and the guy that I married I met on 1590 01:33:14.800 --> 01:33:21.360 Match and it was the very first time I went on that dating app and I stopped talking to the other guys 1591 01:33:22.040 --> 01:33:27.600 When I met this guy the guy I married and I I just don't want to go down the same 1592 01:33:29.240 --> 01:33:32.160 Pathway I feel like it's I could easily 1593 01:33:32.920 --> 01:33:38.680 Just stop talking to everybody else and just go with this guy and start getting to know him know him more 1594 01:33:39.080 --> 01:33:41.080 But I'm trying to do things differently 1595 01:33:41.560 --> 01:33:43.080 this time 1596 01:33:43.120 --> 01:33:49.240 Yeah, so this is what I want you to do then Daisy you if you haven't done this you're gonna have to use your voice 1597 01:33:49.760 --> 01:33:53.160 And tell him you don't want to do futuristic conversations 1598 01:33:53.160 --> 01:33:56.920 You can give him an example of that things that he say that that's not gonna go for you 1599 01:33:56.920 --> 01:33:58.920 And then I also want you to 1600 01:33:59.840 --> 01:34:01.840 So you want to set your boundaries? 1601 01:34:02.360 --> 01:34:07.040 Also, you're gonna tell him that if you haven't told him like hey, I noticed you called me darling 1602 01:34:07.120 --> 01:34:12.280 That may be your culture but pet names or terms of endearment 1603 01:34:12.840 --> 01:34:18.240 Are not appropriate for where we are in this getting to know stage don't say relationships 1604 01:34:18.240 --> 01:34:23.840 They getting to know stage and so I'm gonna ask you to honor my name and call me Daisy 1605 01:34:24.840 --> 01:34:26.040 Okay 1606 01:34:26.040 --> 01:34:28.040 Okay. Yeah 1607 01:34:28.120 --> 01:34:33.600 And this is how yeah, this is how you're gonna change how you did things in the past 1608 01:34:34.480 --> 01:34:39.280 You're gonna say you're not gonna overexplain if you need to take out a pen to write what I just say 1609 01:34:39.520 --> 01:34:40.040 Yeah 1610 01:34:40.040 --> 01:34:46.080 I am I want you to say it and I want you to say it with that level of authority because when you do that 1611 01:34:46.080 --> 01:34:49.600 And you don't overexplain it sets a boundary line 1612 01:34:50.440 --> 01:34:55.760 And it shows that you are a woman who are sure that you cannot be easily swayed 1613 01:34:56.200 --> 01:35:00.040 You know what you're doing and you know what you're saying and you expect it to be fine 1614 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.800 follow through. 1615 01:35:01.800 --> 01:35:02.720 OK. 1616 01:35:02.720 --> 01:35:03.220 OK. 1617 01:35:03.220 --> 01:35:03.800 Thank you. 1618 01:35:03.800 --> 01:35:04.440 Yeah. 1619 01:35:04.440 --> 01:35:04.940 Yeah. 1620 01:35:04.940 --> 01:35:08.520 So I noticed that you use call me darling as a term 1621 01:35:08.520 --> 01:35:09.160 of endearment. 1622 01:35:09.160 --> 01:35:12.560 I'm not sure if that is a culture thing for you. 1623 01:35:12.560 --> 01:35:18.240 However, pet names, I know I'm saying a little different, 1624 01:35:18.240 --> 01:35:20.660 but they're not beneficial to this stage of our getting 1625 01:35:20.660 --> 01:35:21.600 to know each other. 1626 01:35:24.240 --> 01:35:28.960 Please honor my name, Daisy, and call me Daisy. 1627 01:35:28.960 --> 01:35:31.200 If you want to use all them words, say, don't call me 1628 01:35:31.200 --> 01:35:33.280 darling, no more call me Daisy. 1629 01:35:33.280 --> 01:35:35.160 I don't like that pet name stuff. 1630 01:35:35.160 --> 01:35:37.680 Now, that's that version of evidence, 1631 01:35:37.680 --> 01:35:40.760 and that's the clean cut one that you just got. 1632 01:35:40.760 --> 01:35:42.920 If he's kicking you out, and then 1633 01:35:42.920 --> 01:35:45.720 you need to get to see if he honors your boundaries, right? 1634 01:35:45.720 --> 01:35:47.160 So I want you to set that boundary 1635 01:35:47.160 --> 01:35:49.440 and see how well he follows through. 1636 01:35:49.440 --> 01:35:49.940 OK. 1637 01:35:49.940 --> 01:35:50.440 OK? 1638 01:35:50.440 --> 01:35:50.940 Yes. 1639 01:35:50.940 --> 01:35:51.440 Thank you. 1640 01:35:51.440 --> 01:35:52.160 That sounds good. 1641 01:35:52.160 --> 01:35:52.960 Uh-huh. 1642 01:35:52.960 --> 01:35:54.720 I will say that I'm concerned about him 1643 01:35:54.720 --> 01:35:56.080 desiring to pick you up. 1644 01:35:56.120 --> 01:36:00.040 But back in the day, men picked women up for dates. 1645 01:36:00.040 --> 01:36:03.920 And I hear even men now say, like, I'll pick her up. 1646 01:36:03.920 --> 01:36:05.040 I want to take her out. 1647 01:36:05.040 --> 01:36:06.480 You OK with me picking you up? 1648 01:36:06.480 --> 01:36:08.160 And they forget that times have changed, 1649 01:36:08.160 --> 01:36:11.000 but you have not forgotten that times have changed. 1650 01:36:11.000 --> 01:36:11.500 Yes. 1651 01:36:11.500 --> 01:36:13.600 And so that thing about picking up, like, hey, 1652 01:36:13.600 --> 01:36:15.440 you don't have to be nice about it if he says again. 1653 01:36:15.440 --> 01:36:18.120 He's like, no, hey, we're just getting to know each other. 1654 01:36:18.120 --> 01:36:20.400 I'm not comfortable with that level of excess. 1655 01:36:20.400 --> 01:36:23.200 When you use words like that, it tells him, 1656 01:36:23.200 --> 01:36:25.520 there are places in me I've not given to you, 1657 01:36:25.520 --> 01:36:27.840 and you're going to have to probably grow 1658 01:36:27.840 --> 01:36:29.880 to those places, right? 1659 01:36:29.880 --> 01:36:30.600 Yes. 1660 01:36:30.600 --> 01:36:31.100 OK. 1661 01:36:31.100 --> 01:36:31.680 OK. 1662 01:36:31.680 --> 01:36:32.960 And then, yeah. 1663 01:36:32.960 --> 01:36:35.320 Anything else he's saying in conversation 1664 01:36:35.320 --> 01:36:39.920 that you are not comfortable with, I want you to voice that. 1665 01:36:39.920 --> 01:36:43.360 And so this thing about this future talking or forward 1666 01:36:43.360 --> 01:36:45.320 talking is like, hey, I know you say 1667 01:36:45.320 --> 01:36:48.160 you like the qualities that you see in me, 1668 01:36:48.160 --> 01:36:51.280 that you could see yourself being with someone like me. 1669 01:36:51.280 --> 01:36:53.620 I'm just going to ask that you keep all of those thoughts 1670 01:36:53.620 --> 01:36:55.160 and comments to yourself. 1671 01:36:55.160 --> 01:36:59.480 They're not beneficial to the stage that we're in right now. 1672 01:36:59.480 --> 01:37:00.480 OK. 1673 01:37:00.480 --> 01:37:02.880 And you're like, what do you mean they're not beneficial? 1674 01:37:02.880 --> 01:37:03.960 What do you mean by that? 1675 01:37:03.960 --> 01:37:06.920 I mean, you sharing those things with me 1676 01:37:06.920 --> 01:37:10.000 are of no consequences to this stage in development 1677 01:37:10.000 --> 01:37:11.680 for us, for where we are. 1678 01:37:11.680 --> 01:37:14.160 He don't understand, say, look, don't say it to me no more. 1679 01:37:14.160 --> 01:37:15.800 Let's just get to know each other. 1680 01:37:15.800 --> 01:37:17.920 I want lighthearted conversations. 1681 01:37:17.920 --> 01:37:19.200 I'll give you an example. 1682 01:37:19.200 --> 01:37:21.480 I need you to have questions ready, Daisy. 1683 01:37:21.480 --> 01:37:23.960 So if a person seems like they can't get what you're saying 1684 01:37:23.960 --> 01:37:28.920 when you're saying it in a very flowery way in that way, 1685 01:37:28.920 --> 01:37:31.080 sometimes you just have to use a different language. 1686 01:37:31.080 --> 01:37:33.240 And that's OK, because you're still kind. 1687 01:37:33.240 --> 01:37:35.560 Because clarity is kindness. 1688 01:37:35.560 --> 01:37:38.080 And then I want you to keep some questions on standby. 1689 01:37:38.080 --> 01:37:40.360 You don't have to have him to shift the conversation. 1690 01:37:40.360 --> 01:37:44.600 You show him how you want your conversation to go. 1691 01:37:44.600 --> 01:37:46.600 And then you can announce it by saying, 1692 01:37:46.600 --> 01:37:48.120 hey, I noticed we've been talking 1693 01:37:48.120 --> 01:37:51.360 about some pretty futuristic, heavy stuff, 1694 01:37:51.360 --> 01:37:53.080 and I'm not interested in that. 1695 01:37:53.080 --> 01:37:55.680 I want us to keep it lighthearted and pace things 1696 01:37:55.680 --> 01:37:56.920 and grow to know each other. 1697 01:37:56.920 --> 01:37:58.480 I don't want you to say, I've done something 1698 01:37:58.480 --> 01:38:00.160 like this in the past, and it didn't turn out right. 1699 01:38:00.160 --> 01:38:02.120 I don't want you to talk about your past relationship. 1700 01:38:02.120 --> 01:38:04.360 I don't want you to tell him anything about your past. 1701 01:38:07.640 --> 01:38:08.160 Daisy. 1702 01:38:08.160 --> 01:38:09.000 I already told him. 1703 01:38:09.000 --> 01:38:09.880 I already told him. 1704 01:38:09.880 --> 01:38:11.880 I knew when you got quiet, I was like, oh, baby. 1705 01:38:11.880 --> 01:38:14.040 I already told him. 1706 01:38:14.040 --> 01:38:15.000 That's OK. 1707 01:38:15.000 --> 01:38:15.800 It's OK. 1708 01:38:15.800 --> 01:38:17.480 You didn't do anything wrong. 1709 01:38:17.480 --> 01:38:18.560 That's not wrong. 1710 01:38:18.560 --> 01:38:19.600 People do it all the time. 1711 01:38:19.600 --> 01:38:20.560 It was just in passing. 1712 01:38:20.560 --> 01:38:21.760 I didn't go into it, though. 1713 01:38:22.360 --> 01:38:24.200 Because he mentioned something about he 1714 01:38:24.200 --> 01:38:26.840 had been engaged before or whatever. 1715 01:38:26.840 --> 01:38:27.800 It was a story. 1716 01:38:27.800 --> 01:38:28.560 He didn't go there. 1717 01:38:28.560 --> 01:38:30.320 It was just a passing story. 1718 01:38:30.320 --> 01:38:32.000 And that's why I felt comfortable. 1719 01:38:32.000 --> 01:38:35.400 Let me just throw my thing out there so it's out there. 1720 01:38:35.400 --> 01:38:36.040 Gotcha. 1721 01:38:36.040 --> 01:38:39.320 And so another thing is, and we're rappers, 1722 01:38:39.320 --> 01:38:40.960 don't feel any type of way about that. 1723 01:38:40.960 --> 01:38:42.880 The only reason why I didn't want you to say it 1724 01:38:42.880 --> 01:38:45.160 is because I didn't say, if you haven't, don't do it. 1725 01:38:45.160 --> 01:38:47.320 It's because he is moving a little more quickly 1726 01:38:47.320 --> 01:38:48.760 than you like. 1727 01:38:48.760 --> 01:38:50.680 Sometimes when we give out more information, 1728 01:38:50.680 --> 01:38:52.120 it can speed up a process. 1729 01:38:52.120 --> 01:38:53.520 But the good news is you don't have 1730 01:38:53.520 --> 01:38:54.960 to go back and talk about it. 1731 01:38:54.960 --> 01:38:59.320 Second thing is, Daisy, that I just 1732 01:38:59.320 --> 01:39:01.400 want you to release any nervousness or fear 1733 01:39:01.400 --> 01:39:02.680 that you have. 1734 01:39:02.680 --> 01:39:04.320 You know what you're doing. 1735 01:39:04.320 --> 01:39:06.160 You're in control. 1736 01:39:06.160 --> 01:39:08.080 You're not out of control, Daisy. 1737 01:39:08.080 --> 01:39:09.760 You're in control. 1738 01:39:09.760 --> 01:39:13.320 The old has gone and the new has come. 1739 01:39:13.320 --> 01:39:17.800 Every woman in here is literally in control of this process. 1740 01:39:17.800 --> 01:39:20.640 Not in control of God's part, but you've been equipped. 1741 01:39:20.640 --> 01:39:22.040 You've done the hard work. 1742 01:39:22.040 --> 01:39:23.240 You know boundaries. 1743 01:39:23.240 --> 01:39:24.360 You know order. 1744 01:39:24.360 --> 01:39:25.440 You have it. 1745 01:39:25.440 --> 01:39:27.880 So when a man wants to share all of his business, 1746 01:39:27.880 --> 01:39:31.360 you can just listen and say, oh, OK, thanks for sharing. 1747 01:39:31.360 --> 01:39:33.040 Because you don't have an obligation 1748 01:39:33.040 --> 01:39:35.320 to share because someone else shares. 1749 01:39:35.320 --> 01:39:37.080 And any time you feel that obligation, 1750 01:39:37.080 --> 01:39:39.680 when you feel it come upon you, I want you to say, obligation, 1751 01:39:39.680 --> 01:39:40.200 you're a lie. 1752 01:39:40.200 --> 01:39:42.360 Get away from me. 1753 01:39:42.360 --> 01:39:44.200 I don't owe that to anyone. 1754 01:39:44.200 --> 01:39:45.640 And so I just want, Daisy, I want 1755 01:39:45.640 --> 01:39:48.840 you to be filled with courage and filled with joy. 1756 01:39:48.880 --> 01:39:51.480 Nobody's going to bamboozle you, trick you. 1757 01:39:51.480 --> 01:39:54.160 You're not trickable. 1758 01:39:54.160 --> 01:39:55.320 You have community. 1759 01:39:55.320 --> 01:39:58.040 You have support. 1760 01:39:58.040 --> 01:39:59.360 There is no hurry. 1761 01:39:59.360 --> 01:40:01.400 And if someone. 1762 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.400 wants to outpace you, you can block them if you want to. You can stop talking to them if you want 1763 01:40:04.400 --> 01:40:12.320 to. Yes. Okay. Right? Yes. Right. Right. We are, we are, we are no one's victim, especially when 1764 01:40:12.320 --> 01:40:17.600 you've been equipped. You have a crown of wisdom on your head, Daisy. You have all that you need 1765 01:40:17.600 --> 01:40:26.880 to enjoy this journey in this process. And this is not that. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. I felt like 1766 01:40:26.880 --> 01:40:33.360 I was having a good time. I was just being myself yesterday, but yes, um, going forward 1767 01:40:34.080 --> 01:40:38.960 and then hearing you say about the two months, they, they're talking to Catherine or Rachel, 1768 01:40:40.080 --> 01:40:45.360 you said the two months. And I'm like, uh, I feel like now I know what you were saying before 1769 01:40:45.360 --> 01:40:50.000 about, it's only been two or three days and you feel like you've known them forever. That's kind 1770 01:40:50.000 --> 01:40:55.920 of where things are, but thank you so much for your words. Yeah. Oh, you're welcome. And two 1771 01:40:55.920 --> 01:41:00.080 months thing at the end, this is a, you know, when you look at it, you tell yourself logically, 1772 01:41:00.080 --> 01:41:05.520 it's not possible to know somebody in two days, but Jackie teaches, and I'm sure if it may be 1773 01:41:05.520 --> 01:41:13.200 in the book also, but, um, you know, in 60 days, the first 30 days is a discovery. The second 30 1774 01:41:13.200 --> 01:41:19.280 days is data collection. And then you make a decision from there. And so you want to give 1775 01:41:19.280 --> 01:41:26.720 yourself that time. So a minimum of 60 days for exclusivity, minimum 60, um, a good right time 1776 01:41:26.720 --> 01:41:32.000 will be 90 days. There needs to be some direction put to the relationship. You can't continue going 1777 01:41:32.000 --> 01:41:36.160 off past that point with that direction, but at least a good 60 days before you take yourself 1778 01:41:36.160 --> 01:41:42.320 out the market to, to get to know a person in 60 days is a small number. I I'm sorry to, um, 1779 01:41:42.320 --> 01:41:48.000 ask this question because it's probably in the teaching, but I just don't remember. Do you, 1780 01:41:48.000 --> 01:41:55.840 do you, um, teach that we should explicitly have that conversation about, um, the 60 days or the 1781 01:41:55.840 --> 01:42:04.000 30 days? No. So what, um, what Jackie teaches in the, um, the teaching where she teaches in the 1782 01:42:04.000 --> 01:42:11.840 teaching is that you let the man lead, but if you made it to 90 days and he's not leading in the 1783 01:42:11.840 --> 01:42:16.880 conversation, then you have to say, you know, you're going to have to say something, but you're 1784 01:42:16.880 --> 01:42:22.800 not going to lead in exclusivity. You want to see the man lead in that area. And let's say you're 1785 01:42:22.800 --> 01:42:29.120 like day 90, you know, 92, he didn't say anything. You could just say, Hey, I'm intentional when I'm 1786 01:42:29.120 --> 01:42:32.320 dating. I'm definitely, and they wouldn't know this by now. You've been talking to somebody 1787 01:42:32.320 --> 01:42:36.800 for three months, I'm marriage minded. Um, and so I just want you to know, we've been getting 1788 01:42:36.800 --> 01:42:44.800 to know each other about 90 days and I'm about it. My boundary line for this and a direction 1789 01:42:44.800 --> 01:42:48.880 is definitely needed at this point. And at some point they should say, they're going to say 1790 01:42:48.880 --> 01:42:53.520 something when you say that, but that's not you leading. That's you giving expectation and then 1791 01:42:53.520 --> 01:43:04.000 responding to your expectation. Right. Right. Okay. Yes. All right. Thank you so much. You're welcome. 1792 01:43:05.760 --> 01:43:09.520 All right, Ms. Wilson, I'm going to grab you now. We're well over time, but I'll be, 1793 01:43:09.520 --> 01:43:15.440 I want to grab your question. I'll just make it quick. And I think I'm missing some information 1794 01:43:15.440 --> 01:43:23.520 because I was in phase one for a really long time, about 15, 16 months. And it was really good. If, 1795 01:43:23.520 --> 01:43:31.040 if you know my goal, it is so good. And it was so needed. And I, cause I've been divorced 20 years 1796 01:43:31.040 --> 01:43:37.760 and really I, I've all, you know, I, I own my own business. So I spent a lot of time in my business. 1797 01:43:37.760 --> 01:43:46.880 I have eight grandkids and I'm, I'm very blessed. But, and when I say I've dated for a mic. 1798 01:43:50.240 --> 01:43:52.480 Oh no, your phone. 1799 01:43:54.480 --> 01:44:01.120 For a microphone. Oh, sorry. Your phone is breaking up. Last thing I heard you say, 1800 01:44:01.120 --> 01:44:06.160 I dated and then it kind of went out. Okay. I'll come in. I was sitting on the back porch 1801 01:44:06.160 --> 01:44:11.920 and sometimes the internet is not the best on my back porch. But anyhow, I said, I would date 1802 01:44:11.920 --> 01:44:16.320 for a micro moment. And as soon as I saw a red flag, I just said, see ya. Don't want to be 1803 01:44:19.200 --> 01:44:26.400 because you know, I mean, I, I feel really blessed and, but God has created this desire, 1804 01:44:26.400 --> 01:44:33.120 my heart to be married again. And, and so I kept ignoring it, but a friend of mine 1805 01:44:33.120 --> 01:44:39.840 gave me the book married in 12 months. She put it on my desk and she actually got married last 1806 01:44:39.840 --> 01:44:48.320 March through your program. Yep. And and she said she'll be in my, like, like one of my mentors, 1807 01:44:48.320 --> 01:44:56.160 you know, like her and her husband, Joe. And but I guess, you know, how the heart work had a book 1808 01:44:56.160 --> 01:44:59.920 to follow. And, you know, I just kept going over chapter. 1809 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.620 chapter after chapter. Is there a book in this phase two? Or where do I need to get 1810 01:45:05.620 --> 01:45:09.660 more information? Because everything you're saying, I can't write it down fast enough. 1811 01:45:09.660 --> 01:45:10.660 It's so good. 1812 01:45:10.660 --> 01:45:17.220 I know. No, there's no book. There's just the teachings that you can watch one a week. 1813 01:45:17.220 --> 01:45:21.540 But the things that I say, we say them all the time. And it sounds like it's not going 1814 01:45:21.540 --> 01:45:25.660 to come again. But for some of y'all that you come in every night, you can take care 1815 01:45:25.660 --> 01:45:32.660 of it. And so this is just the message that we release. And so anytime you get to that 1816 01:45:32.660 --> 01:45:37.260 place, you're going to hear this same message. These are all the things. These are Jackie's 1817 01:45:37.260 --> 01:45:42.900 teachings. And so we just add to the wisdom, the coaching. 1818 01:45:42.900 --> 01:45:48.580 Yeah. And I don't think, I mean, I listen to Supernatural Saturday and attend on Sunday 1819 01:45:48.580 --> 01:45:57.380 nights. And I started the Modern Dating Sucks. I missed some of those. I need to go back. 1820 01:45:57.380 --> 01:46:04.780 And I was torn because it was on Tuesday nights, the same night as this. And so I want to get 1821 01:46:04.780 --> 01:46:15.260 it right. But I did go on one date, actually went to dinner with, my counselor recommended 1822 01:46:15.260 --> 01:46:23.740 this person. But, and then we went to church together on Sunday, but I, he was married 1823 01:46:23.740 --> 01:46:30.060 37 years and his wife passed away like 16 months ago. And I just don't think he's at 1824 01:46:30.060 --> 01:46:39.420 the same spot I am. And I think he's a nice person and yeah, that's all I got to say. 1825 01:46:39.420 --> 01:46:44.660 Well I think that's really good to know that you were able to observe that because 16 months 1826 01:46:44.660 --> 01:46:49.580 is not, it's kind of fresh. And he may be someone that you can continue just getting 1827 01:46:49.580 --> 01:46:54.580 to know as in a low stakes way, but you know not to invest emotionally or you don't have 1828 01:46:54.580 --> 01:46:59.420 to invest at all, but it's good to keep low stakes people around and helps you practice 1829 01:46:59.420 --> 01:47:04.580 your femininity. And then when you start doing it that way, what you do is you cut out them 1830 01:47:04.580 --> 01:47:09.300 paying for your dinner. Little things like that can definitely change the dynamic of 1831 01:47:09.300 --> 01:47:17.260 how you relate to that person. And I want you to know that, you know, as you date more, 1832 01:47:17.260 --> 01:47:21.780 all of your heartwork is going to get a chance to get ironed out and sharpened because then 1833 01:47:21.780 --> 01:47:24.820 you're going to start practicing in those areas and you're going to get a chance to 1834 01:47:24.820 --> 01:47:31.300 feel the fields so that you can apply your heartwork to those things. 1835 01:47:31.300 --> 01:47:38.820 Well it definitely does because when we went to church on Sunday together, our pastor's 1836 01:47:38.820 --> 01:47:46.740 message was on healing. And as soon as I heard what the message was going to be, I 1837 01:47:46.740 --> 01:47:51.940 knew it was going to be sensitive for him because, you know, his wife didn't get healed 1838 01:47:51.940 --> 01:47:58.540 and he was believing for it. And so as we were walking out of church, I was hoping, 1839 01:47:58.540 --> 01:48:02.900 you know, that maybe we could go have coffee after church and, you know, but, you know, 1840 01:48:02.900 --> 01:48:09.380 I'm learning I don't have to fix anybody, right? I'm usually the person that rescues 1841 01:48:09.380 --> 01:48:14.900 people and fixes them because I don't like to be a bandit. Okay. So, but as soon as we 1842 01:48:14.900 --> 01:48:22.140 walked out, he said, well, my car's over here and yours is over there. Um, so this was good 1843 01:48:22.140 --> 01:48:28.300 and have a good week. And he took off. Wow. And then, and I, and at first I was like 1844 01:48:28.300 --> 01:48:34.940 shocked, but then he sent me a text message later said that he owed me an apology and that, 1845 01:48:34.940 --> 01:48:39.580 um, you know, he talked a little bit about healing about his ex wife. And I just said, 1846 01:48:40.220 --> 01:48:45.900 I said, you do not owe me an apology. I totally understand. I'll be praying for you as you sort 1847 01:48:45.900 --> 01:48:53.900 this out, you know, left it at that. Um, but, um, but you're talking about the heartwork at 1848 01:48:53.900 --> 01:48:59.340 first, like later on in the day, I thought, wow, you know, I just felt kind of rejected. 1849 01:48:59.980 --> 01:49:08.460 And then I, Nope, I'm not rejected. I'm chosen. I'm blessed. And, uh, I happened to listen to 1850 01:49:08.460 --> 01:49:13.980 Lisa Harper. She was at elevation church and she's talked about the work that how 1851 01:49:15.020 --> 01:49:21.980 God's looks at us, how, you know, we are worthy of his love. And it was just so good. And I'm like, 1852 01:49:21.980 --> 01:49:29.020 yes, I'm worthy of God's love. And God has the right spirit mate for me. I know he does. And I 1853 01:49:29.020 --> 01:49:36.220 pray for him all the time. And I'm just going to keep walking through this journey. That's so good. 1854 01:49:36.220 --> 01:49:41.180 Thank you for sharing. That's so good. Thanks. Thanks. You're welcome. Okay. Well, I'll keep 1855 01:49:41.180 --> 01:49:45.100 listening to the videos. That's probably, I'm probably a little behind on the videos. 1856 01:49:45.100 --> 01:49:49.260 Well, it's no such thing as behind. You can do it. We'll say one a week, but take your time. 1857 01:49:49.820 --> 01:49:55.820 Okay. And post any questions you have any aha moments. Okay. Cause sometimes I think I should 1858 01:49:55.820 --> 01:49:59.900 know all this before I go out and date, you know, cause I possibly have another. 1859 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:07.120 other date coming up so oh yeah go on it all right i will like just know this oh i'll tell 1860 01:50:07.120 --> 01:50:12.720 you this you do need to know this you need to watch the boundaries video right okay all right 1861 01:50:12.720 --> 01:50:19.280 and dating one-on-one you wanna let's do that i did listen to that but um no and i just look at 1862 01:50:19.280 --> 01:50:26.960 it it's a discovery time you know getting myself out there and and you know the femininity you 1863 01:50:27.920 --> 01:50:34.560 dressing up doing my hair and looking pretty you know that's right that's right so well that's so 1864 01:50:34.560 --> 01:50:41.360 good all right well thank you you're welcome all right ladies it has been a blast have a good night 1865 01:50:41.360 --> 01:50:46.000 i look forward to hearing from you and i did see what you posted eloise in the group about 1866 01:50:46.000 --> 01:50:50.800 an event it's just that i can't find anymore can you post it on the in the app on the wall 1867 01:50:50.800 --> 01:50:59.920 miss eloise uh what's all right put it just say it to me right quick it's um on facebook and it's 1868 01:50:59.920 --> 01:51:08.320 uh christian singles uh free dance lessons and it's called grace in motion dfw 1869 01:51:10.160 --> 01:51:16.400 so it's on tuesday nights but then they've been going dancing other nights of the week and just 1870 01:51:16.400 --> 01:51:23.680 saying hey who wants to join us okay i just discovered that today from one of the guys that 1871 01:51:23.680 --> 01:51:29.280 teaches some of the lessons and i'm like man i could have gone here i could have gone there 1872 01:51:29.280 --> 01:51:37.040 and so you know that's how i got the my first date a few weeks ago oh yes that dinner dance 1873 01:51:37.040 --> 01:51:44.240 and which is a totally separate thing but i do better being in the moment and meeting people 1874 01:51:44.400 --> 01:51:51.440 right i mean i can do it anyway but anyway so i got you yeah we need to hook up lady 1875 01:51:52.080 --> 01:51:58.560 okay sounds good yeah we'll have fun and that'll be good and um okay all right and i'll post this 1876 01:51:58.560 --> 01:52:01.840 and then we can have conversation about it any other ladies that are in the area we probably 1877 01:52:01.840 --> 01:52:09.120 can all get together oh yeah for sure all right okay all right ladies have a good night see you 1878 01:52:09.120 --> 01:52:17.120 miss bunny bye everybody good night good night it was great good night good night everybody