Kim, Amanda, Jessica.
I'm sure there's more.
I can't see the screen right now.
Oh, it's just six of us.
Daisy.
Lovette.
So good to see you again.
Is that Kiara?
Kiara, is that how your name is said?
Yeah.
Cool.
All right.
Let me change.
All right.
Amanda.
Hey, ladies.
How's everything going?
Hmm?
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
I hope we have some updates tonight.
I've been enjoying my summer break.
Still questioning my reason for working, except for when I have to pay my bills.
And so every time I'm out for the summer, I'm like, why do I do this?
Why do I do these things to myself?
Surely, surely there's a better way.
But anyway, hey, Karen.
It's so good to see everyone come in the room.
We're just going to open up with a little prayer.
We'll keep it real simple.
You know, Lord, teach us, show us, grow us, stretch us.
I haven't written down what Jackie always says, but those things.
Teach us, show us, heal us, grow us, and help us, Lord.
I thank you for every lady that is gathered here on tonight.
I thank you for the opportunity we get to come together as one, to stand on solid ground
on what we believe, that you are the ultimate matchmaker, and that you've written a love
story with our name on it.
And so if nothing in their world has reminded them of this truth, I come with an announcement
that the Lord God is working in your favor, that he who began a good work in you is faithful
to complete it, that God makes all things beautiful in his time, that nobody can make
you up like the Lord can, because in the beginning, God created Adam, and out of his body, he
took woman, and Adam looked at her and said, I know you.
You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and I will call you woman.
And I just declare over you that your husband is going to look at you, and he's going to
say, I know you.
You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.
You are my wife, and he shall leave his family and cleave to you, and you too shall be one
in this earth.
Will you put 1,000 to flight on your own?
I declare that you and your husband shall put tens of thousands to flight.
So God, I thank you for the love story.
I thank you, Lord God, for the life that they have now, that it reaches its maximum potential,
and I thank you for the season that they're going to grow in, Lord God.
Not just go, but grow.
That's right, Holy Spirit.
So I thank you for growth.
I thank you for goodness.
I thank you, Lord God, that the Bible says that promises that hope deferred make the
heart sick, but promises fulfilled is a tree of life.
I pray for every heart that has become sick, waiting for the promise, oh God.
Every heart that has become discouraged and hopeless and want to give up, I speak to your
heart now.
I speak straight to you, and I say rise up, rise up now in the name of Jesus, because
when promises are fulfilled, the promises fulfilled produces a tree of life in your
life, and it is coming.
It is here.
You're not next.
You are now.
You are not tomorrow.
You are today.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
Be encouraged, oh, you little heart.
Be strong.
You know that scripture says, bless the Lord, oh, my soul, and all that is within me.
You got to talk to your own soul sometime, and you got to say, soul, get up from here.
We can't stay in this lullaby, lonely place, oh, no, we got to get up from here.
Ain't nothing in a dry and weary land for a woman in L-Y-S program.
We do not stay in dry, lonely places.
We go to where the spring is flowing.
We go where there is water.
We do not stay in dry places.
We do not stay in depressed places.
We do not stay in lonely places.
That is not our portion in life.
No, no, no, no, no.
Husband or no husband, we don't live in dry places.
And just because I have a husband don't mean I'm living in a well-watered place.
That is a lie from the pits of hell.
All right, good.
Well, we got that.
So, hello to everyone that just came in the room.
Rachel, it's been a while.
It's so good to see you.
And Carmenza, is this your first time?
Did I say your name correct?
Hi, yes, you did.
Hey, so good to have you.
Thank you.
It's not my first time.
I've been on and off, though.
Thank you.
You haven't talked to me before.
Not one, one, no.
Not like this.
Okay, okay.
And Glenna, is this your first time?
Yes, I popped in about two weeks ago, just had to tail in, but that was it.
Yes.
Oh, good.
Well, it's so good to y'all.
I like to get cozy.
So when I call you, I don't feel any kind of way.
This room gets real small when you realize that you're with family, you're with sisters.
And so I just want you to feel safe and feel welcome and know that you're seen, you're
heard and you're known in this place.
There is a place where you belong and it's called this place right here.
And so I want you to know that I want you ladies to know that this is not just about
dating.
This is about you.
We want to break you out of every place of fear.
We want to break you out of place of discouragement.
We want to come against every roadblock and every barrier that will come against the work
that the Lord is doing in your life.
This truly is a faith journey.
And so we will share same experiences on this journey because that's just the way it is.
Hey, listen, some people have to believe for children and others have to believe for marriages
and some people have to believe for houses and some have to believe for food.
And right now you're on the faith journey, you're believing for a husband so you didn't
have to believe for food and maybe you didn't have to believe the Lord for a child.
But it's come a place in life where you may press into the Lord and believe him for something.
So this is your portion in life and we're going to stand with you and walk with you
and go with you because we've seen the other side.
We've seen 1,600 marriages and engagements, we've seen it all and we know that it's waiting
for you.
So gird up your lions.
Let's go on this journey.
Don't be discouraged because we're going to the other side.
Who wants to go to the other side with me?
Some of y'all don't look like y'all want to go to the other side.
Don't go without me.
But you know, to God be the glory.
Okay, ladies, is there any housekeeping?
You ladies have been doing absolutely, let me just follow you, you've been doing so amazing
with showing up in the community, sharing your thoughts, sharing your questions, being
vulnerable, running things by coaches, running things by your sisters, taking in what they're
sharing like this truly is what the journey is about.
Taking a pause, waiting for a few seconds, not going after your first instinct.
Like we are so pleased with you all, I'm proud of you all, this is the way you grow.
This is how it happens.
You don't have to do anything alone.
Even when you think you found the one, after just a few days, don't do it by yourself.
All right, don't do it by yourself.
We're here.
We want to coach you all the way to the finish line because I'm going to tell you, the finish
line is not finding the husband.
Finding is finding.
You can find someone to meet the couch pillow, underneath your couch pillow, right?
You can find something, but we want to see you to an expected end.
We want to get the engagement is not the end.
Okay.
And I don't need anything else.
Listen, that's when you need the most resources.
That's when you need to make the right move.
Do you know that before you marry a man, it's going to probably be the time where you're
going to get most of your demands met.
You don't know that if you've never been married before, but when you marry people, they get
comfortable including you.
You know how when ladies have a breakup, they say they need to lose some weight.
So they start eating right and going on a diet.
Well, what was happening before the breakup?
You weren't trying to go on no diet then because you were comfortable and now you got to get
back on the market.
So now you feel like you got to spruce yourself back up.
This is just an example.
That may not be you, but you can always tell when a woman has that breakup weight that
she dropped.
So she says, I'm focusing on myself.
Well, who are you focusing on then?
So just those type of comments lets us know that when we get something in our hands, when
we possess a thing, we think, okay, I got it.
Now I can relax.
Well, I want you to already show up as that woman because you already have the promise
of God.
You're not partnering with a man for your promise to come to pass.
You're partnering with the only one who could cause it to come to pass.
And you're not partnering with the only one that could cause it to come to pass.
You're partnering with the one who could cause it to come to pass in the way that he said
it to be, in the goodness of it, in the fullness of it, in the purpose of it, in the plan of
it.
Right?
So there is an expected end.
And so I'm just excited for the way you ladies are showing up.
I'm excited that you are crossing the line that you once had in the scene and you saying,
I'm going to do this thing.
You know what?
I'm going to come out of hiding.
I'm not going to stay in a corner somewhere thinking that the Amazon package is going
to come to my door called a husband, because if he ain't came in all this time, I'm pretty
sure he not coming.
My plan is not working and I'm going to work the plan that I paid for.
Right?
Yes.
And so I am, I'm so proud of y'all anyway.
So, uh, all of you ladies know if you ever want to do one-on-one coaching with anyone.
in the community, you can go to the resource tab
and find anything you need.
If there's any time when you're having any issues with the app,
any glitches, any questions, you can go email at me.
Whenever you're ready to transition to phase 3
and you've been in phase 2 for a while,
and you say, hey, I'm ready to hit the road, Jack,
and don't come back, you can just
email admin at jackiedorman.com and tell them
that you're ready to make your transition over
to phase 3, which is a lovely place to be.
I like phase 3.
I often participate in a lot of their going on over there.
And some of y'all just came back from a sneak
peek into something, right?
Anybody go attend that yet?
I hope that was good.
Yeah, it was good.
Good.
So this is what we're going to talk about today.
We are going to talk about creating opportunity
without controlling the outcome.
Creating opportunities without controlling the outcome.
Yeah, it was a single spotlight.
And so discovery dating isn't about making something happen,
though we feel like it's about making something happen.
And sometimes we pick up the burden
of making something happen.
Well, what does that look like?
It's like, oh, did I blow it?
Oh, did I lose my one chance?
This is a real thing.
Even when you don't voice it, sometimes it
just floats around in the corridors of our heart.
Did I just lose something?
And so what happens when you hear a thought like that,
I want you to speak to that thing that's talking to you.
And I want you to say, I don't get the bottom of the stick.
I'm not that person.
I don't lose in Christ Jesus.
I've already won.
When you hear it, you need to deal with it.
Because it is a giant that's roaming in your land,
sitting at your table, and telling you that it's
possible that you could lose.
It's speaking to you when you're not talking to it,
and it's placing you in a place of scarcity.
To believe that your father would dangle a carrot
in front of your face, and if you get one thing wrong,
he'll snatch it back from you.
When that spirit comes to intimidate you,
I want you to come, and I want you to integrate,
and I want you to ask it, where did you come from?
Who sent you?
And when did you enter my life?
That you will sit on the sidelines
and whisper to me that I can miss out
on the goodness of my father.
When in my life have I missed out on goodness?
Because it's time to integrate your thoughts
and deal with them, because as long as they're there,
they're gonna remain to be a barrier
in your journey of growth.
There's a difference between a person
who shows up confident, and there's the person
who shows up believing that something
can be taken from them.
Somebody's gonna take advantage of them.
Somebody's gonna do something to them,
and in the end, they're gonna end up losing.
Well, I'm telling you, you're not gonna end up losing.
You've already won.
It's a fixed battle, for the Bible says
that we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.
More than a conqueror, to be more than a conqueror
means you don't even fight the fight,
because the fight has already been fought.
Are you tracking with me on tonight?
And so anytime you hear things,
grab those thoughts and integrate them,
and ask them where they came from, and who sent them?
You gotta hold those thoughts.
You know the Bible says, take every thought captive?
It says, take it captive.
And it says, take this thing captive, whoa!
Because thoughts come very fleeting, even God thoughts.
It just kind of flows across your mind,
and you have to grab it, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And so even when the Lord gives me thoughts,
I grab it, I was like, did you just say that I just hear?
And so you take your thoughts captive,
and you deal with them accordingly, okay?
So we're talking about creating opportunity
without controlling the outcome.
A lot of times, and I've talked about this before,
one of the great, did I hit record?
Yes, one of the challenges of dating,
besides the fact of all of our grunts and complaints
that we don't wanna do it, right?
And whatever reasons you may assign
to why you don't wanna do it.
You wanna deal with the reasons that you assign,
because that's your fortress you build around yourself.
A lot of times, the things that you say,
why I don't wanna do something,
literally becomes a prison that you live in.
And so you have to be real mindful of the things you say,
and be honest with yourself.
So if the truth is, deep down in the inside,
you don't wanna put yourself out there
because you don't wanna reject it,
it's better you say that than to say,
well, I don't think the Lord wants to do it that way.
You gotta remember how many women
come through this program,
and how many times, there's nothing,
there's no woman has said something
that another woman hasn't said before.
Like literally, it is not,
it is not, I just wanna fast forward my life to marriage.
Ah, yeah, ah, no, it feels that way sometimes
till you find out what's waiting on you on the other side.
So many times, so it's better to get to the bottom
of what you're actually experiencing
and be vulnerable enough to share it with the Lord
or share it with somebody and say, I'm just scared.
This is the truth.
I'm afraid no one will choose me.
Do you know it's better that you confess those truths
and deal with them, the lies that you believe,
than to say, to make an excuse,
or to say, well, he's supposed to come to me,
or he say, he that find a wife, he's supposed to find me,
but 20 years of your life has passed by.
That's not the law we wanna live by.
And we don't want you to spend six, seven, eight, nine,
10 more years, right, doing those things.
And so don't allow your excuses to be the prison
that you put your own self in.
Okay, I hope that makes sense.
And so we're talking about creating opportunity
without controlling the outcome.
Creating the opportunity without controlling the outcome.
And so what does that look like?
I remember when, well, let me not skip some things
because these are some really good notes.
I don't wanna do that.
So,
I think, and these are some of the things we have here
that you ladies have said in the community,
and that's why I didn't wanna skip them.
But usually when we're reading through your things,
what you usually say is,
and it's different situations and different questions,
but they really boil down to this.
Should I sit next to him?
Are we going on a date?
Should I sit next to him?
Should I sit across from him?
Like these are specific things, but they're very common.
Or should I answer the message?
Okay, he just said this.
Should I say this back?
Or should I make the first move?
I mean, I don't know, we've been chatting.
He hasn't said anything.
I'm trying to give him space so that he can lead.
Should I say something?
Or is, he just said this to me, is this love bumming?
Or am I ready today?
Or should I keep moving forward?
So these are different questions,
but they're literally the same invitation.
And so you're asking, how do I participate in this process?
Where do I come in?
What do I do?
Right?
I was talking to someone today, coaching someone today,
and she said to me, you know,
should I just tell men up front on these dating apps?
Because they seem like they want to talk too long.
Should I just tell them my intentions up front?
Because we were saying it's good when men say,
set their intentions up front.
And I said to her,
no, I don't think you should do that up front.
I think you should give a man an opportunity
to set some intention.
And if he doesn't do that,
then you have to do what's necessary
for the time that you're spending.
And then you have to say,
hey, I don't spend my time this way.
Right?
But her question is,
how do I faithfully participate in this process?
How do I partner with what the Lord is doing?
Basically, how do I create opportunity without controlling?
And a lot of times we know us as ladies.
If you have been around a lady,
or if you know yourself, you can just like touch yourself.
We will take over sometimes.
Not sometimes, most of the time.
And if not most of the time, all of the time.
If there's nobody there to do the job,
it's not that you just necessarily say a woman is controlling
but when you're single, it's nobody but you.
But who's, so who's going to do it?
It falls on you.
And so it's not that you enter the world and say,
I'm going to control and take over.
That's not that.
So you want to know, am I doing too much?
How much should I let go or let back?
Or yes to listen, no.
All of those questions that you hear are you saying,
how do I partner with what the Lord is doing?
And so we want to talk about creating opportunity
without controlling the outcome.
So when Jackie, well, Jackie was my coach.
And so when she said, this thing about dropping the hanky.
Now I'm going to tell you something.
I tell you that I've been where you've been.
I know your thoughts.
And I'm like, I'm not saying nothing to not one joker
because I was taught if he wants me and he sees me,
then he can open up his mouth and say something.
If he don't say nothing to me, then guess what?
He's not my husband because he could say something.
And my aunts trained me that way.
That was the way back in their day
that men say something to women.
That was just the responsibility of a man.
We had a lot more masculinity in the earth at that time.
Times are so different.
So, you know, that's a real thing.
But one of the thoughts it is like, okay,
if I drop the hanky, if I say something,
all of a sudden, when I think about it, y'all,
all I can think about is like, shame.
Like, what if he look at you be like,
what make you think I want to talk to you?
The same way I look at some people picture on the app
and they ask.
You be like, now what made that man think I would like him back?
I don't know.
Why we do it?
It's like we're insulted because this man saw a beautiful woman and wasn't afraid to
come get her.
Right?
That's basically what happened, but we get insulted because we think it says something
about us.
When it really does say something about us, it says that we're beautiful and we're desirable.
And when somebody sees something good, they got enough sense to desire it.
And sometimes based on the man you believe, well, he must thought I was low, right?
Based on him, he must think I'm a low hanging fruit.
And that's just not, that's just not always the case.
You know, um, when people look at you, they see value.
They see beauty, you know, and I'm not talking about scammers and stuff like that.
Right?
My thoughts were, if I create an opportunity, am I chasing, like there's one word chasing.
I wish I could just X out, like get plead, throw this word over somewhere.
Right?
If I'm chasing or I want to be pursued, like, am I making something happen?
Am I setting myself up for rejection?
And it's scary.
Right?
But over time you realize that what Jackie, Jackie wasn't really, she wasn't teaching
us to pursue a man.
She was teaching us to participate with God.
And we're still teaching you to participate with God.
And many of you know, and you can testify to this, of how many years of your life has
passed by without you participating with God, how many years of your life has passed by
you doing what they said, just wait.
You've been in some waiting room for years and you call that participation, but it's
not participation.
It's actually sitting somewhere passively.
So there are two ends of the spectrum, right?
It's that becoming passive and just sitting there and defending your sitting with God
is going to do it all.
And then, you know, the takeover part of the process too.
And so we have to find ourselves somewhere balancing it.
Oh, I guess I'm going to have to, okay.
And so we have to find ourselves somewhere balancing both.
That I am not passively sitting by, I'm actually partnering and I'm not taking over.
And hey ladies, that is not the easiest dance to do all the time, because sometimes you
don't know where you end and where God begins and finishes or vice versa, right?
So how do, how do, how do we create opportunities?
So I want you to think about your own dating journey.
How have you created an opportunity to be accessible?
Or how did I word it?
Yeah.
How have you created opportunities for your journey, for your love story?
Why don't you just drop them in the chat?
How have you created opportunities?
Oh yes, that's a good way.
Join the first impression teams at church.
Yes.
Get in on the app.
Listen, if y'all want to know everybody that comes to the church, I was over our greeting
ministry for a very long time, even through COVID.
Sometimes I greeted every Sunday because we didn't have people.
And I knew people always tell me, you know, everybody that's because I'm a greeter.
And I don't, I think I went through this rehearsal with y'all a little bit when a man would come
through.
I'm like, so tell me, where's your family?
Where's your wife and children?
Are they coming in?
And then I would just search our key questions so I can know if this man was single.
I was also over the singles ministry.
And so that means I'm getting the scoop on every man walk through the door.
And then I would have more access to keep talking to them.
So oh, you're not married.
How old are you?
Are you looking to be married?
You look like you're ready for a wife.
Like I was just saying little things like that, you know, so join the greeting team.
You don't have that age people, you know, but even if you join the greeting team, you
never know whose brother or sister you're talking to, whose cousins you're talking to.
Keep a smile on your face because you don't know who you're sitting beside.
I thought we'll meet my in-laws, yeah, go to church and more singles, yes.
On the apps again, another way you guys, you haven't thought about you create an opportunity
was actually going through the hard work.
That's a major opportunity.
You are literally clearing the way when you clear out the roadblocks in your heart.
Let me tell you something.
I was semi breaking someone free on last night from doubt and unbelief.
And one thing that, and I was going to save this for later, but one thing she would say
is I would say, do you want to be married?
And she would say, well, I want to be married, but if he is ABCD, then I don't want to be
married.
Listen, you're attaching an outcome
to what you should be just coming into this space
determining if you want to be married.
That's your first step of agreement.
That's your first step of partnering,
saying, yes, I want this thing.
I say, and so when you speak of a particular outcome
or even the walls that you put up, that's called fear.
That's called deal with your heart issues.
Because no matter how much she wants to be married,
if she's afraid of every man she talks to,
she'll never be married and it would not be the hand of God
that's keeping her back from getting married.
Contrary to what we like to believe
that God is holding something back,
it's hard to get a woman married
if she don't smile at a man.
It's hard to get a man married if he don't talk to a woman.
Like some things aren't just gonna happen.
And so something that, there are steps to this thing, right?
Getting on LYS, doing your homework,
getting on dating sites, looking for singles,
getting on Facebook around me, yes.
And so you're creating opportunities all the time.
And sometimes when those opportunities don't play out
in the way we think they should,
we feel like we failed or we feel like nothing is happening,
but that's simply not true.
Anybody you've ever seen get married through this community,
I'm not talking about outside of this community,
do you know how many times they had to say,
oh, that didn't work or that didn't work,
that that didn't work and they get themselves up
and dust themselves off again?
One of the reasons a young lady told me
the reason why she don't wanna date
is because she don't wanna be hurt.
And I said, well, suck it up, buttercup.
There's going to be rejection in the process.
And so that's why you guard your heart without diligence,
submit yourself to boundaries so that when you get stung,
it will literally be a bee sting
and it won't be a bite from a scorpion
or it won't be, you know what I'm saying?
Like we won't take off a limb on the way to the next man.
You submit yourself to boundaries and order.
And yes, it's gonna sting,
but you can take a sting for three weeks and bounce back
or you can take a sting for a hard hit of six months
where you've traded off your dignity,
you've traded off those things that are valuable to you,
you've given all your pearls
and you've tossed them among the swans.
Like you don't have to go that far.
You have too much community.
You've been too equipped to go that far.
I know it feels good when you're dating somebody,
but you don't have to let your emotions lead you
or your feelings lead you into unknown land.
You don't have to chase that dopamine hit.
It just feels so good.
I know it feels so good.
I'm not saying you can't get phone wasted
for the first week,
but after that first week,
you gotta come up out of that wasteland.
It feels good to kick your little feet up in the air
and talk to a man all night long and say, we gotta go.
We're not gonna do this tomorrow.
And then you do it all over again.
I'm not telling you not to have fun.
Let that little girl in you live.
All I'm saying is submit that little girl to some boundaries
and have fun within boundaries
because the number one thing for you to do
is to guard your heart without diligence
and not give it out to want someone
who is not proven to be a good steward over their own heart
before you give them your heart.
Right?
We're not making trades like that.
Suck it up, shrink yourself out.
Yeah, so it does hurt.
Like every time I go to a threshold
or I meet somebody and I go to a certain point,
it's like, oh, now you know if you go this far,
it's gonna be a sting behind it.
Are they worth that sting?
And you just, you process one step at a time.
And so all of these things that we're doing,
you ladies are creating opportunity.
And that's why I'm telling you the outcome is not up to you.
So you say, what can I do?
This is all you can do.
That's all you need to do.
That's all is required of you to do.
And when it doesn't produce the results you have,
some of them will say, okay, I need to do something else.
I need to do something else.
And maybe you do need to try something else,
but you cannot control the outcome.
Okay?
And so, we all said this.
One thing too, I want you ladies,
if much is possible, if you can,
depending on the type of situation you're in,
take advantage of the people you're sitting next to.
Because you never know who you're sitting next to.
Just have conversation with people.
I will have conversation with anybody.
It is part of my personality,
but it's also part of a woman who believes the Lord
for the promises of God to be made manifest in her life.
And I don't know who I'm sitting beside.
And I literally don't do it just for a spouse.
I do it for my own development,
for my understanding of the people that are around me.
The Bible says that when a man ways pleases the Lord,
he sends him help.
Do you know that help is the way
that your journey is played out in life?
The Bible says that he'll give men for your sake.
That means he gives you help.
He sends you help.
The Bible says that God is our Ebenezer.
That means our stone of help.
He's sending you helpers
This program is a helper to you
The ladies around you are helpers
Their helpers all around you and so when somebody's sitting beside you I want to know are there help
Do they have some information that I could grow with there are other parts of my life
Businesses that I like to do there are things that I a prayer original things all type of things that I'm into that God has created
Me for and so I'm always trying to see who's just sitting beside me, and what do they carry?
Okay, and so creating opportunity also looks like I'm available um
And then we know creating outcome says I need to make this work and
Then whenever you hear I need to make this work
I want you to quickly disagree with it and behind that I want you to say let the chips fall where they may
Sometimes you got to get to a place where you said, okay, let it fall. Don't let it fall out of heart. We'll see
We'll see what's left standing
Have you ever watched the Lord in your life tear something down to rebuild it?
Anybody had that experience with the Lord if you do your heart work
We have to tear down a lot of your belief systems to rebuild you
And you have to keep doing it every day a lot of times when the Lord yes
Catherine when the Lord comes in to clean house or to clean up something you've been praying for it feels like everything fall apart
You like I pray for to get better
But it all fell apart because when the Lord builds something he builds things well, and he builds on a foundation that can hold it
And so oftentimes this is a really important thing for you ladies to know and so oftentimes when we're building
Relationships in the earth we need to pattern ourselves after the master builder
Because anything that is gonna stand must be built upon a foundation of
Understanding and of wisdom you have to build on a solid foundation
Or there is no infrastructure to hold the thing that you have and it's nothing super now. It ain't nothing this this is
Principles, this is the institution of marriage. It must be built on a foundation
I don't care how much you love Jesus how much he loved Jesus how many tongues you speak in how many people you pray over?
How many prophetic words you have?
You don't live in the spirit when it comes to the marriage institution
you live in the natural very reason why because
marriage within itself what we can see with our eyes between a man and a woman is a
Reflection of the marriage of the bride with Christ. That is the spiritual one. We are the natural one
So that's why you have to forgive and you have to have grace and you have to keep going and keep moving and keep doing
Over and over and over and over and that's not done in spiritual places where you cannot see now you do repent in the spirit
You do deal with the spirit realm, but you have to actually walk it out with the person
Are you so principles you have to know how to communicate all of these things?
I don't know where I was going with it, but I hope you got it cuz I forgot somewhere. Oh, we got it. Thank you
So
We create we don't create our outcomes what we do make ourselves available
So we do put a even putting a smile on your face
Even when you see a man looking at him, like if you are available, you need to know I am
Hey
Good to see you
And you don't drop that I can't take baby. So you turn that corner if he married he just gonna believe to himself
I see a guy but if he ain't he gonna know you interested and that's the goal. All right
How you doing, oh the shirt looks so nice on you great
You're looking friendly even with women give out compliments get used to speaking and talking with people
Make it us like a and this is not for everybody some people do it anyway
But make it like a you know
Like your nature like it just comes out without you working for because the more that happens the more you appear friendly
And the more friendly you appear men approach you
Because you're in the market for a husband so that's why you're gonna do it
Right. You're gonna keep a smile. So when you come out your jaws be hurting and when you'll nobody you drop it
And then when I see him again, hey
And the more you practice it just every day riding in your car
Sometimes I catch myself friend. I'm like, what are you frowning about even but what's what what are you thinking about?
What's happening here get these wrinkles out your forehead you got it, you got to keep your value up do something about that
Yeah, no, but you know
Smile, you know, I wish I could be your wing woman, too
I always tell everybody when we go somewhere like take your wing woman with you
Take your wing woman because you it's we're so I guarantee you possibly
I don't know days, but if me and Daisy went out
She would go talk to a man for me before she will talk to a man for herself. Is that true?
Cuz you feel like you have nothing to lose
lose i don't want you you can't reject me and that's the thought right there and that's what
you're thinking like i'm just talking to you even if they did say get out of my face you're not
gonna feel bad because you didn't have no skin in the game anyway it's just like when you go out
evangelizing jesus sent them out two by two they weren't alone they had somebody if anybody's ever
gone out to pray with people spread the gospel evangelize you feel like you got company with
you when somebody's with you because that person believes what you also believe and you're not
standing alone all right so where are we creating opportunities um and not working to control the
outcome so um i want us to do a quick activity for me now this is i've referred it to dating
but you guys this can this can relate to your children let me
this can relate to your children this can relate to your job creating opportunities without
controlling the outcome this is something that goes across the board and so you you i want you
guys to begin to think about an opportunity where the lord is inviting you to create an opportunity
think about your life think about your children think about relationships with your parents or
with your friends um you know think about your job or career um i want or somewhere in the past
one area where you've been trying to control the outcome well i just switched the question up so
hear me again because i read it to your own i want you guys to think of one area where you
recognize you've been trying to control the outcome instead of just creating an opportunity
in partnership with the lord can you think of any places in your life where you've done that
well you're you're definitely trying to control the outcome and if you can find that place in
your life where you're definitely most definitely trying to control the outcome then i want you to
think about what it would look like if you created an opportunity
because when you as you start thinking about this you're going to learn that if you do this in life
you're not going to carry the burdens you've been carrying most of the times we're tired
because we're trying to do God's work and you don't stop but you know you can't do it
and it's like you get so frustrated because you literally cannot do what only he can
and so i want you to think about choose one area where you've been trying to control the outcome
y'all this can be as simple as if you notice when you get ready to go on dates you want to
control where y'all eat you want to control how you eat you want to you some people want to control
every part of scenario this is just simple so you know so i'm going to put you do we have the
question down pack everybody give me a thumb up if if you don't have the question just nod your
head like i don't know what the question is tell me again i wasn't paying attention
there's me like ah yeah yeah all right and so i'm going to put you in breakout rooms
because i want you ladies to share it with each other and it is 7 38 so um
choose one area where you've been trying to control the outcome instead of creating the opportunity
and think about this ladies when you get in your groups let's say that you don't know how you can
create an opportunity in this particular situation well maybe someone in your group after everyone
is shared can give you an idea of how you can create an opportunity in this situation but what
i don't want you to do because i'm not going to put about five minutes it's not many of us it's
23 of us um i'm going to give you a certain amount of time so you can't share a lot of backstory
a lot of backstory you need to share what it is thank you amanda oh thank you lord and so and
then maybe they can chime in and after everybody's shared and give you a simple opportunity how you
can create an opportunity and so let me see put us in breakout rooms
so i'm gonna have okay have one to two participants for a room there's just one two to three
i'll try to if you get in a room by yourself i'll move you to another room okay all right and we'll
do it for about um seven minutes all right
you
okay ladies y'all know I sent y'all over to the room but I forget what time y'all
started so I was like hey I forgot so you know I put three minutes on the clock and said we just
gonna go from there because I was like I think we had you know and so I could tell how quickly
some people came back like yeah we done we over like I don't know where they at but um anyway
uh who can you guys can drop it in the chat or just share like hey my area that I was trying
to control is this the opportunity that I'm creating is this anyone can share um unmute and
share can I go this is Sarah yeah Sarah go for it cool hi Ebony hi everybody hey I was um in group
and uh with Kara and I was sharing with her that one of the things that I used to control was
like um really literally physically control like who sat who sat next to like I went to this I
organized this event and my single cousin was there and um and then this guy that was also
single a friend of mine and you know I wasn't totally into the guy but then when I found out
that my friend was my cousin was into him I was like oh so I was like okay single because my
cousin you sit over here at this event single friend male friend you're over here I literally
I was like when I look back I was like oh my gosh that was so embarrassing um but I still in a way
kind of do that like recently when somebody I was interested in and when I realized somebody else was
interested in him I was like oh let me find out about this girl and like see who my competition
is you know all crazy stuff that was like you know pre-heart stuff although I was still kind of in
like the middle of the heart work stuff so um anywho so now creating opportunities we didn't
discuss that um in our in our time our breakout time but um I think now with creating opportunities
I would just try to just you know let people obviously if I have an event just let people
mingle talk get to know each other um me myself same thing if I'm at an event just get to know
talk to people instead of trying to feel intimidated if I think somebody's interested
in somebody I'm interested in just you know talk to people naturally normally get to know people
a bunch of people everybody not just you know one or two people or whatever yeah that's a good
opportunity that's a good way of creating opportunity we need to come where you are
you got all these men and sit people beside and move people around and you hogging all the single
men and won't let nobody else get a chance where are you we're on the way
SoCal ah SoCal so another thing ladies I want you to like everyone in this group I know you may
think you don't know any one single but if you know any single man like he's not the one for you
but you know that he's a great man don't forget about the ladies in this community
your nieces your cousins your I don't know your friends um people who you do life with
people that you work with you know he's single but he's not the one for you you know we have
ladies of all age ranges in here so don't forget about your great uncle don't forget about him we
got somebody hey McBunny in the house we got some people you know your uncle your your you know
your brother whoever he may be been looking for a wife you want him to have one don't forget
don't worry about the distance we'll take care of it let us deal with that part
okay so anyway I just wanted to remind you ladies of that um that you you have a sphere of influence
too and there's a world all around you and I'm always keeping my eyes open um so anyway anybody
else want to share was that was that an aha moment for anyone like could you think of anything that
you've been working to control
yeah anybody else want to share okay I've been living like I've been having
like amazing dates with this guy in Hudson New York and I'm in Norwich New
York yeah the only problem is is I'm telling you don't anybody buy a Ram
Ford I swear they are the vein of my existence they are the worst cars I've
ever owned in my life I would never again I miss my Toyota Prius that was
gone over three years ago because of a dumb car accident they are the bane of
my existence um I have been trying to drop every single kind of hint of could
we not stress me out with me trying to figure out how to get to him when we're
not just talking about little things are going on this car we're talking big
things yeah and I am in the middle of the loan and we're also talking big
stuff like I've thought of voluntarily having it repossessed I've thought of
declaring bankruptcy I've thought of like drastic stuff between owing
between 5,000 and 6,000 on this car and I heard it was only worth 500 I'm like
you've got to be kidding me and between the amount of thrown on credit cards
with mechanical repairs and it keeps going I am beyond stressed out and I
have been so hysterically upset that I've been talking to my best guy
Christian friend from Long Island because I'm of course upstate New York
now I used to live on Long Island my whole life I moved up here in August I
was like hysterically talking to him and like hysterically crying in a church in
a prayer group and the whole thing of I don't understand why I am NOT worth it
for a guy to come like everything else is great he'll wait till marriage he's
a born-again he writes like the best devotionals he prays for me he does all
the things that I have dreamed of in a guy since I was my son's age lower
elementary like that far back watching the Jetsons all these ideas came in my
head from the Jetsons but I don't understand why I'm not worth it for him
to come to me if he sees I'm stressing out over this car I understand the whole
50-50 these days but poop happens as they would say and if the shoe is on the
other foot I wouldn't think twice and just run to him I really wouldn't but
whenever it happens to me it feels like I'm always abandoned I'm always not
helped no one goes out of their way for me but I'm more than willing to do it if
on the other foot like I'm so tired of always being the one and I never have it
for myself and then I've been watching my son become best friends with a girl
in his grade and he's holding her hand he's making her laugh he's I'm like he's
seven years old my son and I'm like I swear if I could find a man like my son
I would be happy because my alpha generation son knows how to treat a
woman better than people in my generation or around it or whatever I'm
just like so disappointed about everything it's bad enough my car but
that's making it worse and then that's where anyone would be right to say it's
not the car it's this stuff underneath it and that's what's getting me really
depressed right now yeah so yeah yeah yeah I hear you and I've jotted down
some things that you said so tell me Catherine um how long have you been
dating this guy we just started on June 29th but we've been like talking since
like May 3rd but we just started dating dating June 29th and and we had two
dates and like he's been good with booking the dates and the whole thing
the other thing too is I am running around through so many hoops too with
the car and I mean yes he put on Facebook right away about the dates and
like it was the best one like telling his friends I met someone the whole but
to run through all these hoops I'm beyond stressed out with the car I
haven't found a solution God doesn't necessarily work that quick and it still
says single on his Facebook he never actually asked me to be his girlfriend
that also I'm kind of like I don't know that gets to me too because I have to
figure out these big things and I haven't even been asked to be his
girlfriend yet yeah I don't know I kind of feel like and then I go back to I
swear if my best friend Eric was single I'd marry him and then I go back to that
and I hysterically cry again that I will never find a guy like that and yet my
son was saying with this one Eric Eric and it's like I wish I wish he was like
my friend
because I swear that guy if he was single he would have moved up to Norwich
for me he would have gone that far he would have moved up here for me if he
was single but okay and so tell me this right we're gonna dig you out of this
pizza woulda shoulda coulda's tonight so you met this guy on when March what I
met this single Christian on May 3rd and it was on Facebook and it was on a group
that I was no longer a part of because it was nothing but men that just wanted
you know what and his post stood out because he was like saying he was a
Christian he was and I see after talking to him he's got all the things but I
could argue but would he really sacrificially love me like Christ loves
the church if it's such a big deal about coming to me I mean I know tomorrow he's
coming out to me but most of the time I feel like he expects me to go there and
like I said I don't have a reliable car and I don't have a train station right
in my city the way he does he has a train station right smack there so it is
the only thing bugging me and I didn't even realize it's something I would have
had to think of putting on my non-negotiables of they have to be able
to work with me if I can't do my 50% people lose their jobs cars break down
things happen so it's like yes you want you want to do the perfect 50-50 but
then sometimes you got to carry the other if something happens I want to
feel like I will have that because I am currently watching my mother and my
bonus dad my bonus dad has to pick up more than 50% because my mom has really
bad dementia that's in my family and if the guy can't handle me with the car
what is he gonna do if god forbid I get that yeah that is not an easy thing and
I hate thinking like that but I know it's genetic and I know it's in the
family now yeah so how is he gonna handle me if I'm forgetting who I am who
he is who my son is I don't want to know and I do have to think that way to
an extent because like I said I now know fully from this past school year
dementia is in my family so so let's let's let's pace let me get some
information from you okay um all right so one thing I want you to remember in
case we don't get back to this other part of you Catherine you can't live
where there's no grace the only thing that is reserved for you where you go
ahead of yourself and live where there's no grace is doom gloom and defeat and so
when you tell yourself I have to think this way you are abandoning yourself to
go to a place that is dry without any hope okay and so that may be a law you
want to keep on your back burner because you may have practiced thinking this way
for a very long time because something in life has convinced you that you're
not worthy of goodness but I've come to give you good tidings on tonight you are
worthy of goodness not by your performance but because of who God is
and it may take you a while to get there but that's okay you need you need to get
the news update I am updating you tonight you are I could tell you where
that came from okay let me no no I need information so you met this guy on May
3rd and how soon after that you go and visit with him not until June 29th he
wanted to finish up the school year we're both teachers assisting okay with
special ed and all that wrap up the school year which I could say I
understand because my brother worked high school and man I'm gathering
information okay so you so before you got to June 29th you guys were just
chatting facetiming maybe he did just one phone call closer to the date and
even that I feel like I had to kind of pull teeth so y'all were just texting
yes which I thought that was interesting too how often were y'all texting with
this this part at least is good every day at least every day from May 3rd on
yes you would take some every day to make that every day from May 3rd to June
29th to the first time you saw him in you and it's still continuing every day
it's been continuing every day how did the decision happen that on June 29th
you will be the one to drive to him I mean he kind of decided that earlier on
but I had no problems with my car until boom boom May 13th okay what did he say
to you to for you to drive to him what did he say he was talking about what do
he was texting about a nature trail near him and that I would like it there I'm
like the area he was in and I would enjoy the
Area, that's what he was like texting and how far are you from him?
I think 115 miles or so. It's like about two and a half
Two and a half hour drive. Yeah, and I could tell with your personality. It's like cool
I'll do that and this sounds like what you said
Well, because I would do it for a water park too and I got to go about two hours for that too
For the big ones, so you drove to him you drove to him. No problem at all. Although I was smart
I took my dad on the first one. Okay
So you had fun
I had fun, but he took me for the first one, which was probably smart. He's my dad and he's my pastor
right
So good. So you went you had fun with this young man and now here we are july 7th
How many times have you seen him since june 29th?
It was the day before july 4th the 3rd and again
It was like coming out to his area and then he was going to say the next two times he was going to come out here
Except it's turning into yes, he's going to come out to me tomorrow
but then could I go back out to him after that it's like
My mechanic's not even going to be back until the 13th
To really look at my car and even then he might not be able to look at my car right away
So it's one of those who we at least wait till we find out what the real deal is with the car
okay, so
Okay, so, um
So
This is less about this guy and more about you makes sense, yeah, it's more about you
Now one thing about it being in this uh getting to know this guy
Oh, did he ask you to go exclusive with him or something?
At some point no and yet not not no not yet
Not officially and yet i'm rocking my head worrying about how i'm going to figure out getting to him with a car like this
so part of me feels like I
Kind of at least deserve okay with boyfriend and girlfriend if i'm going to sit there and have to worry about figuring this out
Okay, but let's
Yeah, let's give everybody their own responsibility. You're worrying about your car because it's your car
Right. Okay. Hold on to that. That's yours
So, why do you feel that he should be exclusive with you if he haven't asked because you look on his profile
And he says he's still single
Did he say something to you to lead like claim you or act say things to you that make you feel that way?
Because you'll say things in a text
Uh-huh, like you are my girl
And then like how he told his friends he met somebody and that he did posts about the dates and how great they were
So that's why i'm getting confused. Yeah
And so he's confused. You're not confused. He's doing things to bring confusion into your mind
Yes, because those things are showing actions of it, but then not
fully because like I said, the facebook status still says single and he never said like can I be or
Can you be my girlfriend? Yeah, but then there's things that are being done that yeah, that's why i'm getting all confused
And confusion doesn't sound like a good thing because I that much I do know
Well, you you confusion comes because there's no clarity
Yeah, and so let's deal with that. I want you to your assignment to be is to get clarity
Right. Yeah
You desire a relationship where all you do is text. Is that your idea?
No, it's not. I'd rather honestly rather the phone and I don't know how many times I said
I'm really not good at being open and vulnerable because like i'm
Openingly sharing about how frustrated I am with the car
Yeah, I i'm also hinting at i'd rather talk on the phone about that
So catherine you so after today, you're not gonna hint at you want to talk on the phone
You're gonna say hey in order for me to continue building connection with you
We're gonna have to have voice calls at least three times a week
I don't know what your number is four times a week five times a week
I'm no longer participating participating in a text a text of getting to know relationship
Right. Do you understand what you're gonna say?
Yes, I do. No, I make them
Are you prepared to say it?
Yes, I don't want you to decrease the number to one or two times a week. Please don't minimize yourself
Okay, absolutely
You say what you want and then you watch a person respond
So I don't know in your text message are you being clear or are you hinting hinting and clarity is two different things
So I encourage you to speak what you want if you're going to continue with this guy
Then you're gonna have to set some things in order that are out of order
I think it's exactly that i'm just is not clear and I think it's because one of those I was afraid of like
yeah, i'm definitely afraid of doing it wrong of
Am I pushing it? Am I trying to be the man? Am I like?
Well
about stuff like that. I think that you're concerned about maybe you have a scarcity mindset,
it's possible scarcity has come in and you're afraid of being rejected because some of the
things that you said, I'm always abandoned. Nobody helps me. No one goes out of the way for me.
Nobody goes the extra mile for me. This is not about this man, this is about you. And so what
happens is when we are in this particular posture, ladies, anyone, when people come into our life,
generally depending on who they are, they will then continue in the pattern
of not caring about us. And there's sometimes things about us can speak,
we abandon ourselves for everyone else. And so when you make statements like, I'll do things
for people, I'll go out of my way, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this,
I've done this. A lot of times that says, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned
me, I've abandoned me, I've abandoned me. And so Catherine, now comes an opportunity,
that's why dating for discovery is so fun, that you see what's in front of you and you say,
I want to abandon myself this time. Well, I can't, but I like that because I can't and I don't want
to. Exactly. But that's what you've been doing when you wanted to talk on the phone to him
and he's only text you. And then definitely with the car, because I have to consider, I
don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation of a breakdown or whatever else.
Well, your desire to, the pressure you feel about the car could definitely be tied to you
also wanting to abandon yourself to go spend time with him. I imagine, okay, when you start,
there's this thing that happens, you start texting somebody every day, you get used to that text
coming through. Even if you start talking to somebody every day, you get used to it and you
like it. It's nothing wrong with you liking it, you're not wrong for liking it. That's completely
fine. Somebody is talking to you. You have some human connection. This is a romantic connection.
You desire marriage. If you didn't desire marriage, ideally you wouldn't be in the program.
But what has happened is it's been by his rules and by his way. And a lot of the pressure that
you're feeling about the car is because you have been doing it his way. Yes, I have. Correct. And
now you're about to break the pattern of his way because of the car. And though I don't want your
car to be broken down and cars are frustrating, something needed to stop you from doing things
his way because you are disservice to yourself. Like you're not serving yourself well. Okay.
Okay. Yeah, absolutely. So we want to get some things in order in that relationship.
So you want to ask, well, first of all, before you start talking about understanding if you're his
significant other, y'all are going to go exclusive. I'm not even sure this is a
healthy enough relationship for you to come out the market for. That makes sense too.
So we're not coming out the market in this order, especially not with this order system you have
that you make the sacrifices and he makes none. Exactly. And you're not, I want to encourage you
not to continue to live life 50 50 because that's not scripture. And I know that culture may have
taught you that, but that's not scripture. And you're in a program for revival of kingdom
marriages. And we believe it's not scripture. We believe in kingdom marriages and kingdom marriages
is all or nothing is all for all 100 for 100. I don't care how much people allow culture to come
in kingdom is kingdom and culture is culture. And you can live by culture and, but you don't
call culture kingdom. Okay. It's definitely not. It's okay. So that's, that's something you can
ditch that now because it's not going to serve you best. What we teach in this program is called
reciprocity. I invest something, you invest something, I invest something, you invest
something. And when you meet a person who's unwilling to invest something, or you meet a
person that's unwilling, when you say, Hey, I know you prefer texting, but that's not my method of
communication. We're going to have to schedule at least three times a week where we have a voice
call. Now this call reciprocation, or if you want to label that 50 50, but I don't even label that
this call. I give some, you give some. So that means I'm going to show that I'm marriage minded
by the way that I show up and I'm flexible because I understand everyone has a preferred method of
communication. All right. And so you're not going to abandon yourself to his form of communication.
So the first thing that you're going to do when you talk to him, you're going to send him a text
that says, Hey, we've been doing so much texting and I went along with it. But honestly, I do not
prefer this at all. Um, for me, I would prefer that we talk at least three to four times a week,
four to five times a week, 20 to 30 minutes, 15 to 20 minutes. Like you go ahead and lay it out.
Cause Catherine, I don't want you to hint at anything.
Hinting does not give you enough data to determine if a person honors you.
That's true.
Honor your boundaries.
And that's why saying what you're going to say is going to serve you best, because
then you get to see if a person really honors your boundaries and they say, and
if they choose you, right?
So somebody come and say, well, I ain't doing it.
I don't want to do that.
You can say, Oh, I totally understand.
It's been really great getting to know you.
And this part is going to sting me a whole lot, but I'm going to have to release you
because you're unwilling to choose or to give.
And I was willing to do that for you.
But now that I see that that is not your stance, then we can't go any further.
And it's important that you know that you're chosen.
And that's going to tell you this.
So first thing is going to get this communication stuff in order.
And then you're going to release yourself from the pressure of things that you cannot
change right now.
You want to get your vehicle back up and going.
OK, and I know that it's a sub vehicle and I'm so sorry in this situation, but you have
to release yourself from this burden of getting your vehicle fixed so that you can go
see him. So the conversation looks like this.
My vehicle is down now.
If you want to see me, then it looks like you're going to be traveling this way.
Yes, exactly.
OK. And then that's it.
Don't if I can or I'll help you pay or maybe we can do or maybe I can.
Maybe you can't nothing, Catherine.
Maybe you sit back and watch somebody show up for you, because if nobody's ever helped
you, if no one ever goes the extra mile for you, that means you got to learn how to
create space for people to do it.
And sometimes that's scary because we know deep down on the inside of us, sometimes
deep down inside of us, there's a lie saying they're not going to do it.
And so that lie won't be proven true.
And it won't hurt like I know could hurt.
I'll go ahead and do it because I just can't deal with the idea that what I really
believe is really true.
Right. So I don't give you a chance to prove to me that because I get ahead of you.
But in this situation, you're going to have to let this man show up.
Because if one thing you said is true, if he can't show up in this, then he can show up
in other things. Not likely.
OK. No.
And that is so true when I think about that, because.
Because I feel like now that God is definitely using something horrible like this to do
something good, because.
Right. I need to find a man that is definitely willing to show up for me.
I mean, these are circumstances that are 100 percent out of my control.
And it's one of those. Well, how much more do you think I hate being the one going
through it? It's my vehicle that's doing this.
So exactly.
And so and then I want to tell you this, because I don't know how often I'm going to
get you on the call.
You don't have to find a man that's going to show up for you.
You just have to show up for you.
And the next man that comes in your life will show up for you because you show up for
yourself. That makes sense to hear me when I think about it.
You don't see we water seeks his own level.
People draw to their own kind.
And so when you show up for you, there's a non-negotiable.
You ain't got to write it on your profile.
People see that your life is full, full of joy.
They see they all of that showing up for yourself.
It just shows up. And when people come in your life, they just go along with the
program. If you abandon yourself, they'll go along with that program.
Or if you abandon yourself and you're talking to somebody like me, I say to you, hey,
sounds like you're abandoning yourself.
So I wouldn't come in your life and go along with it, but I will come in your life
and call you out. I will come in your life as a person.
I've done it before when a person telling me something, I'd be like, yeah, but it
sounds like the issue really is within your heart.
So as you as the Lord teaches you how to show up for you, you can do it in little
things. And the first way you're going to start doing it is you are going to be
like your son is talking to somebody, he treats her well, there was a clue to you
that if a child can do it, an adult can do it, right?
Oh, yeah.
If it's in their heart to do it, not every adult can do it because it's not in their
heart to do it. And so that's why you don't take somebody who doesn't carry
something in their heart to do it, to make them do it, to pressure them to do it.
If they don't carry it, they don't have it.
You walk away, they don't have it.
This is not your husband.
This is a person you're dating and it's okay that they don't have it because the
reason why we get offended when people don't have it is because of the running
script we already believe about ourself, that nobody comes through for me, nobody
does for me. And then you get offended when they don't do it.
They just don't have it.
Nobody has the right to do it.
They don't have the right to do it.
being themselves. Okay. And see, so this is where I'm going. So one of the things you're going to do
They just don't have that.
And so you have to be like, yo, I'm going to have that.
I'm going to have that.
is I want you to write on a piece of paper, all these things you said, nobody comes for me. I'm
always abandoned. And I want you to deal with, you know, where it came from. You've been through
hard work. We don't have the capacity to do revealing for healing. We're going to do the
revealing for healing. And then you're going to deal with those things. And every time you say
it, and every time you think it, you're going to deal with that thought and you're going to
replace it with one thought, not five thoughts, not six thoughts, not six declarations, not seven.
One thought for all of those, because believe it or not, always abandon me. Nobody helps me.
Nobody goes out of the way for me. I'll come from one root, abandonment.
And somebody abandoned you. You learn love that way. You learn life that way. Somebody did it.
It was in your child. Something spoke that to you in your childhood. You're going to go back.
You know what it is. You're going to deal with it and you're going to call it a lie for what it is.
Okay. And then you're going to get one thing that every time that thoughts come up, you're going to
hold it captive and you're going to replace it with your truth. You can post it in the app to
let me see what the lack is and what you've replaced it with. And I would love to see it
and give you conversation around it. But listen, Catherine, if you don't deal with that mindset,
it's going to deal with you and you're going to marry a man who doesn't care about you,
who won't choose you. And over and over again, you're going to live a life of not being chosen
and you're going to be abandoned. And you're going to always stretch yourself thin.
Because I'm telling you, Catherine, you don't have to work for love. You don't have to work
for acceptance. You don't have to work because you are worthy. You're not worthy because people
say you're worthy. Let me tell you something. Everybody puts a value on somebody that usually
is not the highest value of that person. And the reason why they could do this is because they've
not seen the fullness of that person. And so that's why we use the Lord's measuring stick for
our life. And he has measured you worthy. Men, people, sister, brothers, children, mother,
father will always come short. Because if your identity is solely found in what they say,
then you are pretty much doomed in a lot of areas of your life because they have opinions
and they've come through trauma and they've lived through things and they measure things
by a certain way. Do you understand what I'm saying? And so it is God who gives you identity
and we're going to work our way to that. And so I really want you to post that activity
because if we don't deal with that mindset, then you're going to attract who you currently are.
And this is not the full picture of who you are. This is just a glimpse of the thing that
the Lord wants to pull out of you so that he can restore you. So let me pray for you.
Father God, I thank you for Catherine. Ladies, she was just joining an agreement. I thank you,
Lord God, for Catherine. I thank you for what you want to do in her life. I thank you, Lord God,
though she may have been dealt bitter seeds to chew on as a child, you are the God who comes
and brings sweet ripe fruit for her now. I thank you, Lord God, that you are working things out
for your good and her glory. I thank you, Lord God, that you're bringing in provision. The Bible
says that you are Ebenezer. You are a stone of help. So right now, in the name of Jesus,
I call on Ebenezer. I call on her stone of help. And I say, come quickly, for she needs you, God.
I don't care what's against her. I don't care what her thought life is like. I pray that the
God of help will break in now and bring relief and bring help in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen.
Amen. All right. Keep me updated. I will. Thank you. You're welcome.
Is there anybody else? I do.
Yes. Go for it. Just one thing. So we're fixing the communication problem. Update me on that.
And we're dealing with the abandonment route. Yeah. Yes. Okay. When you think you can get
that information to me? Definitely before next Tuesday.
That sounds good. We got to get that communication straight. You're not going to do it like that,
okay? Exactly. But yeah, I'll have it before next week.
Thank you. All right. And keep me updated on your car. I'm believing the stone of help to come
through for you. I know it seems like I won't leave it alone, but I'm invested in this now.
And we're going to get this thing right because you're worthy of so much more.
Yeah. I still want a good vehicle for me either way. And I did buy five
tickets to try to win a Mustang. Okay. Go ahead. Sweet. All right. Go.
I think it was Glenna first or I can go. This is Rachel.
Go Rachel. Okay. I'm going to be quick so I can listen to your answer because I'm on duty tonight.
I need you.
And here's what's been going on.
So Tom is away on retreat and slash vacation, and we haven't seen each
other for two weeks and he, we just talked and he told me that he's planning
to, he feel like the Lord is inviting him to stay in New Jersey for the entire month.
And I'm like, that's great, but what does that mean for us?
I realized that I'm a bit more like face to face connection kind of person.
Like I need that to connect.
And, um, he has not given me an answer yet.
He's like, I'm going to pray about it type of thing.
Because I'm like, no, no, no.
Because I said, I said, what does that look like exactly?
Like, what does that mean for you?
Like, how do you connect?
Because we are, you, we already haven't seen each other for two weeks.
Today's been two weeks since we haven't seen each other.
We were supposed to see each other.
He told me that he could come down, but that fell through.
So, because he told me he was tired.
So I was like, okay, I want to honor his boundaries.
I want to respect that.
But at the same time, I was disappointed because, you know, so I don't know.
I'm just, I don't know how to, how to deal like, and I made it clear tonight.
I was like, okay, I'm not standing between what you feel because it was like, it was
even before like we started dating and I was like, I'm not going to stand between
what Dolores and writing you to do.
Like, I don't want to do that.
But at the same time, like I, for somebody who at times, like in the past, I have
believed, and even now I'm still healing, like that my needs aren't important.
Like, it's easy for me to say, oh, like you can do you, but it's like, but no, like
we haven't seen each other in two weeks.
And I did tell him that Saturday.
I was like, it's almost two weeks.
Like, I haven't seen you.
And he was like, we'll come back to that conversation on Sunday or Monday.
Well, yesterday he didn't call me.
He just sent me a text and said that he's going to turn off his phone early and that,
you know, and then today I was like, what happened?
Was there something that happened yesterday?
It was like, no, I just wanted to watch a movie and pray, spend some time praying.
And that's why he didn't call.
Okay.
I'm just quickly giving you this synopsis because I want to listen to what you have
to share.
There's so much more that I could share with you.
Um, but yeah, I just, I mean, I told him like, I need, what does, what is this going to
look like?
Because it's already been two weeks and then you're spending the whole month of July
away.
Like, what does that look like?
Yeah.
So how often were y'all seeing each other before the two weeks?
Um, once a week, sometimes we've done twice.
Once a week or twice.
Yeah.
And how long has that been going on?
Um, I think since we started and how, I can't, I don't remember when they started.
So, uh, the end of May.
So it's been a month.
So one month and you guys have seen each other once a week or twice.
Okay.
There's a lot of seeing, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
And then when y'all see each other doing this once a week or twice for a month, how
the interactions.
Um, it depends.
Sometimes like we go out, but y'all have a good time.
Yeah.
And this, you seeing him once a week or twice a month, are these your ideas or this
is all both of y'all ideas?
No, it's both of us.
Like sometimes I go up, sometimes it comes down, but has it been because you desire
seeing each other or you desire seeing him or you both desire to see each other?
I think it's a both agreed thing.
Yeah.
You sure?
I think, I think so.
Okay.
If you had to think about it, if it was left up to him and you didn't say anything,
would he still come?
Hmm.
That's a great question.
Well, I need to pay attention to that.
Yeah.
Was this an expectation that you said?
I, I don't think so.
Okay.
Um, so, and I'm, I'm just trying to gather because, um, we want, I want you
to do a little homework and determine how he has shown up, uh, how he shows up
in the relationship can give you some hints about what's going on with him.
Um, is he an overload?
Does he need a break?
Is.
is more than he could handle.
Do you lean more towards, I need connection all the time?
And does he actually lean more towards, I need a break?
Is this him crying out for a break?
Because if you've been seeing each other once a week
or twice a week, it's just been one month.
So there's only four times seeing each other.
But you got to think about, you guys went from friends
to exclusive into this expectation.
This was also the same person who wanted you to do counseling
or of some sorts, right?
He wanted you to, he wanted you to get involved
in something to determine if y'all will be the best match.
You was like, whoa, there's going to be-
Oh yeah, like to do, to meet with one of the coach
and last year single.
So he wanted to do like the Simba's class?
Not the Simba's class.
He just wanted us to meet with one of the coaches.
And why?
I think he said that, what did he say?
I can't remember what he said.
I actually need to go back to that conversation with him.
Yeah.
And so I want you to do a little homework
and I want you to track the things that he said.
I want you to track some things
maybe you didn't hear that he said.
And this is not like a doom thing,
but why is the Lord, this is coming for him,
for the Lord to call him away into solitude?
I'm ready.
And he told me that started before we started dating, so.
That the Lord called him away
for months at a time to solitude?
No, just for the month of June.
Oh, so the month of June is his month with the Lord.
No, no, no, July.
Oh, July, we in July.
July is his, does he go to the mountain
and pray or something, what's this?
No, he just said that he wasn't being invited
to go to New York, to New Jersey in July.
But you say he does it every year?
No, no, no, no, no.
And he's going there to do what?
He went for vacation and then slash a retreat and then.
And who does he do this with?
Just himself.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay, and so he's saying he's retired.
So is he going to work while he's there?
Yeah, he's an entrepreneur, so he can work away.
Okay, and so that doesn't mean he doesn't have a,
he's not saying that y'all are not going to communicate.
No, I, no, I have to go, Ebony,
but I just want to hear a little bit more,
like, because I have, I'm on duty tonight,
so, but I really wanted to ask
because I'm.
Well, okay, I know you have to go,
but I'm asking so many questions
because I have to determine if he,
this is a new thing for him.
Like, it's so easy to say,
you're trying to pull away from me.
He could be trying to pull away from you,
but not in that way.
Like, he's getting to know you differently.
If you got to go, I'm going to stop talking,
but you got to understand,
y'all went from one to exclusive, to expectations,
to be with me every week.
What are you going to do about me?
And that's when I talked about
how you skipped that first two months
of working your way up to getting to know a person
before you go exclusive.
And so now it's all these demands
that were never there before, right?
And now there's responsibility on him to show up
because that's what happens,
you go exclusive with the person.
And so he could just be going through a man thing of like,
okay, what is this?
I need a break from this.
And so if he says to you,
we're not going to have conversation ever while I'm away.
And so I want you to process
what has he shown you over the month?
How's he showing up?
Because you could be missing some things
that show you that he actually does need breaks,
but he's been pushing himself to show up for you.
And if you want, you can add something in the group
so I can respond,
or you can book a one-on-one coaching if you want to,
so we can work through this,
but I need more pieces.
It's not cut and dry,
because this guy was your friend first.
So he's not some bum
that's trying to pull something over on you.
And if he does need to retreat,
then we got to talk through this
because your heart is on the line.
It's not just cut and dry.
So in the meantime,
if you don't post and if you don't just say,
hey, what's your plan for us to talk,
or we can FaceTime,
there's other ways for you to communicate.
Yeah.
Right?
My question is,
how long does it take to get,
like once I booked the one-on-one,
like how long does it take to schedule it?
You just pick your time.
You can pick in the morning if you want.
You just pick a time.
Oh, okay.
Okay, that's good.
It's lots of times available,
but I'm not gonna,
I can't just cut,
this has to be worked through.
I think that you may be missing some stuff.
We have to map this out.
Yeah, okay.
Then it's better that I do the one-on-one with you,
because yeah, this is just too much.
I can't show it, it's just too much.
You can, tomorrow's Wednesday
and I know I have some time available tomorrow, so.
Okay, I'll look on the thing.
I know tomorrow I work all day until.
But Thursday, there are lots of time stays available.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll check the thing and then I'll book a one-on-one
because I think it's much better.
Okay.
Thank you, Ebony.
It's gonna be okay, you're not abandoned.
It's just a part of a relationship, that's all it is.
I know, I know.
Okay, all right.
You're welcome, have a good night.
Daisy.
Hey, Ebony.
Thank y'all for y'all patience tonight, ladies.
I think all of this is good to work through,
so I'm happy to be working through it with you all.
I don't know, is this good for y'all, anybody,
getting something?
Yes, this is really, really good.
I'm sorry, my camera stopped working, so I don't know.
It's okay.
Yeah.
Well, first, I just wanna say I was so happy to see you
because I went to grab the link to come on here
and I saw that spotlight singles deal
and I was like, no, I wanted to talk to Ebony.
So I'm glad it was the wrong night, whenever it was.
Basically, I feel like I'm finally in the game
because I went on a date.
Hey!
Yeah, so I wanted to run a couple of things by you.
I've been talking to this one guy,
well, he's the one that I went on a date with
and I found him on Upward
and he lives about 45 minutes away from me.
So he came yesterday, it was yesterday,
he came and we had breakfast
and he seems to wanna move things along pretty fast
and he is going to New York
and for the next, I guess, two weeks,
he wants to like get together again several times.
He wants me to go where he lives
and he wants to spend all day showing me around
and all this kind of stuff.
I just don't feel like, I know you guys have said,
don't spend hours and hours on a date
and so we spent a couple of hours on yesterday's date
and it was really nice, very pleasant,
a lot of great things that I like about him.
He's already asking, what are you looking for?
He's very interested.
So I just don't wanna go too fast
and so I just wanted to run that.
That was one thing that I wanted to ask,
what do you think about?
So I really don't feel comfortable spending all day.
He wants to come pick me up, take me
because my car also needs some repairs
and I don't feel comfortable, number one,
to not have my own vehicle there
and then number two, to spend all day long right now.
It's only been about a week that we've been talking.
Right.
How far did you say he was coming?
It's 45 miles or 45 minutes.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, there's no reason to do a marathon date
for 45 minutes.
Yeah.
Right.
And so, go ahead, I'm sorry.
No, so I mean, I'm just gonna share with him
that at this point, we're just getting to know each other.
I'd rather just keep it maybe a couple of hours at a time,
something like that.
Yeah, so the picking up thing is a no-go, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So that's not safe.
How long were y'all talking
before y'all went on the first date, you said?
Just about a week.
Okay, on the app, you met him on Upwork
and then he came down, y'all met, y'all hung out,
you had a great time, right?
Yes.
And then somebody drive 45 minutes, that's a good drive.
It's like an hour drive.
I can see you hanging out two hours or three hours.
It's your first time meeting a person,
you're really excited.
So I just want you to know that it's no slack.
Even ladies, just to add this,
I know we're talking about you guys,
even if somebody came from out of town
and they want to do a marathon date,
if somebody comes from a great distance,
you're going to want to do a marathon date,
but you can always break up the dating time.
Like I meet you for coffee that morning,
and then maybe we get back together
around two o'clock that afternoon
or three o'clock that afternoon,
hang out, have an early dinner,
and then I go home and go to bed.
They're still in your city
and you did see them a good portion of the day,
but you broke it up
where it wouldn't be constant, constant, constant.
And so there are ways to work around that.
And so, yeah, so you just let him know
what you said, Daisy,
that you don't want to do a marathon date on,
is it tomorrow?
No, he wants to see me.
Saturday he wants to see you on Saturday. You're not comfortable with doing it
Are you comfortable with with having the date or you're gonna wait until your car is fixed
I'm comfortable with having the date
so
I'm gonna see what he says
About that. I mean he said he would be willing to come back
He should definitely be willing to come back you're such a pretty lady, I'm sure he feels like he's hit the jackpot
Thank you, you're welcome. And so, um, yeah, so are you gonna over to where the location?
well, um, I
Rented a car before like when I need to go out until I get my car fixed
So if I knew if I need to do that, I don't mind my bigger
concern was like I said, I just don't want him to I
Do like him. There are a lot of qualities that I already see
Really great qualities that I like
But I just don't want to spend all day long yet. I mean, I feel like it's too soon
I don't want to go too fast and I feel like it's already taken off way faster
then
You know, that's what I want to talk about
I know it's just like I'm very pasted what I'm saying, but it feels like I'm missing some stuff
That's what I want you to tell me. I'm glad you said that why do you feel like he's going too fast?
What if conversations been like?
well
We're not on the app anymore
Given my number
After a few I think it was a couple of days or so and
And then I remembered that
We should do like a video call. So I asked for that and being that it was July 4th weekend
He was busy with work. They had
Barbecues and whatnot all these events and things and so I was just I really didn't know but he would
he would get back to me after like a couple of hours or so and
by text and
so I really just learning about him about his work and all that but um
he just I guess like someone else was saying, you know, I think it was Catherine right now and when he just
He'll text oh, whatever whatever my dear or
you know just very upfront about what are you looking for because I really like they see or and then I
Took a day to answer him about that and I told them the qualities
that I was looking for and he you know, he's like, well, I I really believe I can fulfill all these things and
You know, it's just the talk is yesterday was good. It was light-hearted
I mean we had some real talk as well as far as like us
family and just things like that, but I I'm really trying hard not to get so deep right away because I'm just I
like deep conversations, but I'm trying to keep it light-hearted and be curious like you guys teach and
Do longer dating, you know what? I've been I've been married before and the guy that I married I met on
Match and it was the very first time I went on that dating app and I stopped talking to the other guys
When I met this guy the guy I married and I I just don't want to go down the same
Pathway I feel like it's I could easily
Just stop talking to everybody else and just go with this guy and start getting to know him know him more
But I'm trying to do things differently
this time
Yeah, so this is what I want you to do then Daisy you if you haven't done this you're gonna have to use your voice
And tell him you don't want to do futuristic conversations
You can give him an example of that things that he say that that's not gonna go for you
And then I also want you to
So you want to set your boundaries?
Also, you're gonna tell him that if you haven't told him like hey, I noticed you called me darling
That may be your culture but pet names or terms of endearment
Are not appropriate for where we are in this getting to know stage don't say relationships
They getting to know stage and so I'm gonna ask you to honor my name and call me Daisy
Okay
Okay. Yeah
And this is how yeah, this is how you're gonna change how you did things in the past
You're gonna say you're not gonna overexplain if you need to take out a pen to write what I just say
Yeah
I am I want you to say it and I want you to say it with that level of authority because when you do that
And you don't overexplain it sets a boundary line
And it shows that you are a woman who are sure that you cannot be easily swayed
You know what you're doing and you know what you're saying and you expect it to be fine
follow through.
OK.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So I noticed that you use call me darling as a term
of endearment.
I'm not sure if that is a culture thing for you.
However, pet names, I know I'm saying a little different,
but they're not beneficial to this stage of our getting
to know each other.
Please honor my name, Daisy, and call me Daisy.
If you want to use all them words, say, don't call me
darling, no more call me Daisy.
I don't like that pet name stuff.
Now, that's that version of evidence,
and that's the clean cut one that you just got.
If he's kicking you out, and then
you need to get to see if he honors your boundaries, right?
So I want you to set that boundary
and see how well he follows through.
OK.
OK?
Yes.
Thank you.
That sounds good.
Uh-huh.
I will say that I'm concerned about him
desiring to pick you up.
But back in the day, men picked women up for dates.
And I hear even men now say, like, I'll pick her up.
I want to take her out.
You OK with me picking you up?
And they forget that times have changed,
but you have not forgotten that times have changed.
Yes.
And so that thing about picking up, like, hey,
you don't have to be nice about it if he says again.
He's like, no, hey, we're just getting to know each other.
I'm not comfortable with that level of excess.
When you use words like that, it tells him,
there are places in me I've not given to you,
and you're going to have to probably grow
to those places, right?
Yes.
OK.
And then, yeah.
Anything else he's saying in conversation
that you are not comfortable with, I want you to voice that.
And so this thing about this future talking or forward
talking is like, hey, I know you say
you like the qualities that you see in me,
that you could see yourself being with someone like me.
I'm just going to ask that you keep all of those thoughts
and comments to yourself.
They're not beneficial to the stage that we're in right now.
OK.
And you're like, what do you mean they're not beneficial?
What do you mean by that?
I mean, you sharing those things with me
are of no consequences to this stage in development
for us, for where we are.
He don't understand, say, look, don't say it to me no more.
Let's just get to know each other.
I want lighthearted conversations.
I'll give you an example.
I need you to have questions ready, Daisy.
So if a person seems like they can't get what you're saying
when you're saying it in a very flowery way in that way,
sometimes you just have to use a different language.
And that's OK, because you're still kind.
Because clarity is kindness.
And then I want you to keep some questions on standby.
You don't have to have him to shift the conversation.
You show him how you want your conversation to go.
And then you can announce it by saying,
hey, I noticed we've been talking
about some pretty futuristic, heavy stuff,
and I'm not interested in that.
I want us to keep it lighthearted and pace things
and grow to know each other.
I don't want you to say, I've done something
like this in the past, and it didn't turn out right.
I don't want you to talk about your past relationship.
I don't want you to tell him anything about your past.
Daisy.
I already told him.
I knew when you got quiet, I was like, oh, baby.
I already told him.
That's OK.
It's OK.
You didn't do anything wrong.
That's not wrong.
People do it all the time.
It was just in passing.
I didn't go into it, though.
Because he mentioned something about he
had been engaged before or whatever.
It was a story.
He didn't go there.
It was just a passing story.
And that's why I felt comfortable.
Let me just throw my thing out there so it's out there.
Gotcha.
And so another thing is, and we're rappers,
don't feel any type of way about that.
The only reason why I didn't want you to say it
is because I didn't say, if you haven't, don't do it.
It's because he is moving a little more quickly
than you like.
Sometimes when we give out more information,
it can speed up a process.
But the good news is you don't have
to go back and talk about it.
Second thing is, Daisy, that I just
want you to release any nervousness or fear
that you have.
You know what you're doing.
You're in control.
You're not out of control, Daisy.
You're in control.
The old has gone and the new has come.
Every woman in here is literally in control of this process.
Not in control of God's part, but you've been equipped.
You've done the hard work.
You know boundaries.
You know order.
You have it.
So when a man wants to share all of his business,
you can just listen and say, oh, OK, thanks for sharing.
Because you don't have an obligation
to share because someone else shares.
And any time you feel that obligation,
when you feel it come upon you, I want you to say, obligation,
you're a lie.
Get away from me.
I don't owe that to anyone.
And so I just want, Daisy, I want
you to be filled with courage and filled with joy.
Nobody's going to bamboozle you, trick you.
You're not trickable.
You have community.
You have support.
There is no hurry.
And if someone.
wants to outpace you, you can block them if you want to. You can stop talking to them if you want
to. Yes. Okay. Right? Yes. Right. Right. We are, we are, we are no one's victim, especially when
you've been equipped. You have a crown of wisdom on your head, Daisy. You have all that you need
to enjoy this journey in this process. And this is not that. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. I felt like
I was having a good time. I was just being myself yesterday, but yes, um, going forward
and then hearing you say about the two months, they, they're talking to Catherine or Rachel,
you said the two months. And I'm like, uh, I feel like now I know what you were saying before
about, it's only been two or three days and you feel like you've known them forever. That's kind
of where things are, but thank you so much for your words. Yeah. Oh, you're welcome. And two
months thing at the end, this is a, you know, when you look at it, you tell yourself logically,
it's not possible to know somebody in two days, but Jackie teaches, and I'm sure if it may be
in the book also, but, um, you know, in 60 days, the first 30 days is a discovery. The second 30
days is data collection. And then you make a decision from there. And so you want to give
yourself that time. So a minimum of 60 days for exclusivity, minimum 60, um, a good right time
will be 90 days. There needs to be some direction put to the relationship. You can't continue going
off past that point with that direction, but at least a good 60 days before you take yourself
out the market to, to get to know a person in 60 days is a small number. I I'm sorry to, um,
ask this question because it's probably in the teaching, but I just don't remember. Do you,
do you, um, teach that we should explicitly have that conversation about, um, the 60 days or the
30 days? No. So what, um, what Jackie teaches in the, um, the teaching where she teaches in the
teaching is that you let the man lead, but if you made it to 90 days and he's not leading in the
conversation, then you have to say, you know, you're going to have to say something, but you're
not going to lead in exclusivity. You want to see the man lead in that area. And let's say you're
like day 90, you know, 92, he didn't say anything. You could just say, Hey, I'm intentional when I'm
dating. I'm definitely, and they wouldn't know this by now. You've been talking to somebody
for three months, I'm marriage minded. Um, and so I just want you to know, we've been getting
to know each other about 90 days and I'm about it. My boundary line for this and a direction
is definitely needed at this point. And at some point they should say, they're going to say
something when you say that, but that's not you leading. That's you giving expectation and then
responding to your expectation. Right. Right. Okay. Yes. All right. Thank you so much. You're welcome.
All right, Ms. Wilson, I'm going to grab you now. We're well over time, but I'll be,
I want to grab your question. I'll just make it quick. And I think I'm missing some information
because I was in phase one for a really long time, about 15, 16 months. And it was really good. If,
if you know my goal, it is so good. And it was so needed. And I, cause I've been divorced 20 years
and really I, I've all, you know, I, I own my own business. So I spent a lot of time in my business.
I have eight grandkids and I'm, I'm very blessed. But, and when I say I've dated for a mic.
Oh no, your phone.
For a microphone. Oh, sorry. Your phone is breaking up. Last thing I heard you say,
I dated and then it kind of went out. Okay. I'll come in. I was sitting on the back porch
and sometimes the internet is not the best on my back porch. But anyhow, I said, I would date
for a micro moment. And as soon as I saw a red flag, I just said, see ya. Don't want to be
because you know, I mean, I, I feel really blessed and, but God has created this desire,
my heart to be married again. And, and so I kept ignoring it, but a friend of mine
gave me the book married in 12 months. She put it on my desk and she actually got married last
March through your program. Yep. And and she said she'll be in my, like, like one of my mentors,
you know, like her and her husband, Joe. And but I guess, you know, how the heart work had a book
to follow. And, you know, I just kept going over chapter.
chapter after chapter. Is there a book in this phase two? Or where do I need to get
more information? Because everything you're saying, I can't write it down fast enough.
It's so good.
I know. No, there's no book. There's just the teachings that you can watch one a week.
But the things that I say, we say them all the time. And it sounds like it's not going
to come again. But for some of y'all that you come in every night, you can take care
of it. And so this is just the message that we release. And so anytime you get to that
place, you're going to hear this same message. These are all the things. These are Jackie's
teachings. And so we just add to the wisdom, the coaching.
Yeah. And I don't think, I mean, I listen to Supernatural Saturday and attend on Sunday
nights. And I started the Modern Dating Sucks. I missed some of those. I need to go back.
And I was torn because it was on Tuesday nights, the same night as this. And so I want to get
it right. But I did go on one date, actually went to dinner with, my counselor recommended
this person. But, and then we went to church together on Sunday, but I, he was married
37 years and his wife passed away like 16 months ago. And I just don't think he's at
the same spot I am. And I think he's a nice person and yeah, that's all I got to say.
Well I think that's really good to know that you were able to observe that because 16 months
is not, it's kind of fresh. And he may be someone that you can continue just getting
to know as in a low stakes way, but you know not to invest emotionally or you don't have
to invest at all, but it's good to keep low stakes people around and helps you practice
your femininity. And then when you start doing it that way, what you do is you cut out them
paying for your dinner. Little things like that can definitely change the dynamic of
how you relate to that person. And I want you to know that, you know, as you date more,
all of your heartwork is going to get a chance to get ironed out and sharpened because then
you're going to start practicing in those areas and you're going to get a chance to
feel the fields so that you can apply your heartwork to those things.
Well it definitely does because when we went to church on Sunday together, our pastor's
message was on healing. And as soon as I heard what the message was going to be, I
knew it was going to be sensitive for him because, you know, his wife didn't get healed
and he was believing for it. And so as we were walking out of church, I was hoping,
you know, that maybe we could go have coffee after church and, you know, but, you know,
I'm learning I don't have to fix anybody, right? I'm usually the person that rescues
people and fixes them because I don't like to be a bandit. Okay. So, but as soon as we
walked out, he said, well, my car's over here and yours is over there. Um, so this was good
and have a good week. And he took off. Wow. And then, and I, and at first I was like
shocked, but then he sent me a text message later said that he owed me an apology and that,
um, you know, he talked a little bit about healing about his ex wife. And I just said,
I said, you do not owe me an apology. I totally understand. I'll be praying for you as you sort
this out, you know, left it at that. Um, but, um, but you're talking about the heartwork at
first, like later on in the day, I thought, wow, you know, I just felt kind of rejected.
And then I, Nope, I'm not rejected. I'm chosen. I'm blessed. And, uh, I happened to listen to
Lisa Harper. She was at elevation church and she's talked about the work that how
God's looks at us, how, you know, we are worthy of his love. And it was just so good. And I'm like,
yes, I'm worthy of God's love. And God has the right spirit mate for me. I know he does. And I
pray for him all the time. And I'm just going to keep walking through this journey. That's so good.
Thank you for sharing. That's so good. Thanks. Thanks. You're welcome. Okay. Well, I'll keep
listening to the videos. That's probably, I'm probably a little behind on the videos.
Well, it's no such thing as behind. You can do it. We'll say one a week, but take your time.
Okay. And post any questions you have any aha moments. Okay. Cause sometimes I think I should
know all this before I go out and date, you know, cause I possibly have another.
other date coming up so oh yeah go on it all right i will like just know this oh i'll tell
you this you do need to know this you need to watch the boundaries video right okay all right
and dating one-on-one you wanna let's do that i did listen to that but um no and i just look at
it it's a discovery time you know getting myself out there and and you know the femininity you
dressing up doing my hair and looking pretty you know that's right that's right so well that's so
good all right well thank you you're welcome all right ladies it has been a blast have a good night
i look forward to hearing from you and i did see what you posted eloise in the group about
an event it's just that i can't find anymore can you post it on the in the app on the wall
miss eloise uh what's all right put it just say it to me right quick it's um on facebook and it's
uh christian singles uh free dance lessons and it's called grace in motion dfw
so it's on tuesday nights but then they've been going dancing other nights of the week and just
saying hey who wants to join us okay i just discovered that today from one of the guys that
teaches some of the lessons and i'm like man i could have gone here i could have gone there
and so you know that's how i got the my first date a few weeks ago oh yes that dinner dance
and which is a totally separate thing but i do better being in the moment and meeting people
right i mean i can do it anyway but anyway so i got you yeah we need to hook up lady
okay sounds good yeah we'll have fun and that'll be good and um okay all right and i'll post this
and then we can have conversation about it any other ladies that are in the area we probably
can all get together oh yeah for sure all right okay all right ladies have a good night see you
miss bunny bye everybody good night good night it was great good night good night everybody