There we go. Awesome. Awesome. Okay. So, yes. Welcome, ladies. It is July 14th. It's Tuesday.
It's Love Story Accelerator Phase 2. It's our 1 o'clock call today. We've got two calls,
our community calls. Just remember, we have two calls on Tuesday. And while we cover the
same content, both calls are usually really different because we have different ladies
on, different questions. We've got two different coaches. So, we definitely enjoy that we have
two different perspectives and two different opportunities. I know we have ladies from
all over, all over the world, actually, that jump on. And so, it's nice to be able to have
these two different times because sometimes the evening calls are the middle of the night
or super early in the morning for our ladies that are in Europe. Or sometimes these afternoon
calls are like the perfect, you know, time for those ladies. And then sometimes these
afternoon calls are not the greatest because for those ladies here in the States because
y'all are working, all right? And some of you, you're here and you can only participate
by listening and you might not be able to engage as much. So, you might jump in and
be able to listen, but then you can jump in on the evening call and participate a little
more. So, it's always really good to see your faces if you can. And so, I always try to
let you ladies know, like, if you can come to one live and then watch the other one in
replay, that's the best opportunity. And then if not, just kind of always kind of go back
and forth. And, you know, if you can't make it live, it's okay. We've got them in replay,
but maybe one week watch the evening replay and then the next week watch the afternoon
replay. So, you get a little different dose, you'll see a little variety of women, hear
some different questions and whatnot. So, all right, we're going to go ahead and cover
some quick housekeeping items and then I'll open us up in prayer. And then I hope today
is just going to be more of like kind of a girl talk session sort of thing, just kind
of fun and light. You know, I feel like our sessions over the last like month or so have
been pretty heartwork heavy. I'm typically heavy on the heartwork. I've been here for
since the beginning. So, heartwork is something that I have lived and breathed and continue
to live and breathe. And so, it's just naturally something that I gravitate to. But I want
us to have fun and let our hair down and just be able to just, yeah, let our hair down,
have some fun. All right. So, yes, you can definitely just listen because you're at work
totally fine. This is also like, I know the evening, I think Ebony has a little more people
on and a lot more people that are able to engage. And so, I think she does breakouts,
which is so exciting. And I actually love being able to do those breakouts, but on these
afternoon calls, it's a little harder because ladies are at work and can't unmute. So, I
don't typically do breakouts on this one o'clock session. So, but it's totally fine if you're at
work. So, if you don't usually come on because you're at work and you feel like, well, I can't
come on because I can't participate. Don't let that hold you back. Like if you're able to still
listen, come on. As you see, we have several ladies that are at work and they might not be
able to unmute, but sometimes they'll sit there and type in the chat. So, don't let that hold
you back. So, yes. Do I have any brand new ladies that are with us on today? Chantella,
is this your first time to one o'clock? Yes. Okay. But not your first time to phase two. Okay. That's
what I thought. Well, I'm happy to see you, but I'm glad to know that you are still familiar here
with phase two. But ladies that are watching and replay, for those of you that don't know me,
I am Karla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single. And as I just
shared. I have been in this program since the beginning in 2020. I was a single myself,
went through the program, went through the hard work, did all the things, all right, did Jackie's
courses, you know, pushed and pulled and tugged and fought her sometimes with it.
Um, and then, uh, I can gratefully say that I am, I am a success story. So I did, uh, get married.
So we are coming up on our three-year anniversary here in September. So I have a little wisdom
there. So I do like to share that with you ladies, um, from time to time. Um, some quick
announcements, ladies, Modern Dating Sucks, the book Jackie just released a couple months ago.
She's had a couple book clubs that she's got under her belt. And what's exciting is she's
letting out another one. All right. I think one of our ladies, uh, had posted in our app and was
asking about that. And I had no clue that Jackie was planning to do another book club. So, um, I
was like, oh no, like I, she did too. I don't know if she's doing another one. And as soon as that,
um, post came in and I replied, it was like the next morning I get an email and saw that Jackie
was doing another book club. So if you are still interested in joining the book club because you
haven't been able to do that, and maybe now you have an opening in your schedule that starts
July 19th, go ahead and check your email that you used to sign up for last year's single,
because that's where you're going to find your information to get signed up. Okay. Um, if you
don't see the email, check your spam. Okay. That happens to me frequently that somehow like my
important emails, especially sometimes from Jackie will like get thrown into my spam. I have no why,
no idea why. So make sure you click it and say, Hey, this isn't spam. Um, but check there. Okay.
Um, also ladies, if you could do us a, um, solid, I want, I really, really want to get this message
across because I want you ladies to feel comfortable and know that I know one of the
ladies did it earlier this week. And I've even encouraged ladies throughout the years to do this.
If, if you can make a, make a new post, if we've somehow overlooked an old post of yours that you
are waiting for a response to that we've somehow maybe have overlooked and missed, um, just post a
new comment or a new post and let us know. So we can go searching for that. Um, or even if you've
responded to us after we've commented and you were like, asked another question and you were
like, okay, Hey, I responded to you. Can you go check that out? Um, don't hesitate to post another
like comment for us, like another, another brand new post. Um, cause coaching is honestly like,
that is how we serve you. And, um, and being able to do that, that's how we, we can steward and
honor you and serve you really well. And so I never want you to hesitate, um, to let us know,
like if we've overlooked that. Okay. Cause our intention is never to overlook any posts,
but I will say there are times with the scrolling, as I'm sure you've experienced,
you get scrolling and, and there's glitches or like jumps or something. And so they can
sometimes get missed. So, um, thank you for when you do that and let us know. Um, somebody did that
this week and I was able to, to jump and see that, you know, someone was like, Hey, I replied and I
was still, and there was another question that I asked within my post. So I was able to go look
for that. And then I was able to respond to them. So please make sure that you do that. Ladies,
definitely check out that resource tab. Okay. If you're ever interested in a one-on-one coaching
session, that's where you're going to find it. Um, one-on-one sessions are not mandatory. Just
keep in mind that those are not included in the membership fee for like your monthly membership
fee. Those are an additional charge. Um, some ladies find those one-on-one sessions to be a
really huge benefit.
But I want you to understand that those are not always necessary for breakthrough, okay?
But what that includes is a 50-minute, 5-0, 50-minute session with a last-year single coach that you choose.
And so when you go to that tab, you'll get to see a list of the coaches, and you click on those coaches.
It will pull up our schedules so you can pick the coach and the schedule that works best for you, okay?
So just keep that in mind. That's always an option. It's always available.
Sorry, I had a hair kind of tickling my arm there for a second.
And then a couple other things. Live coaching today.
If I didn't get to your question last week, and you had your hand raised last week, and I didn't get to your question,
and you have a question this week, when we get to that opportunity, that time to ask questions,
will you please let me know, hey, Carla, we didn't get to me last week, but I do have a question this week.
I want to make sure that I take you first this week because I really want to make sure that we rotate who we hear from.
I really want to be intentional about that.
I know at times, you know, people have their hand raised, and we can get going with these questions
because you ladies asked some really incredible questions that are really good content that we can really teach from.
But I don't want to overlook some of you ladies that might have to jump off right at a certain time.
And so I want to make sure that we get to that.
And last, can I request something? I need a volunteer.
Okay, so don't volunteer yet until you know what I need you to help me with.
All right, this is what I need help with, okay?
I need someone to be my eyes for the chat.
Okay.
If someone could just help me out, it would be a huge, huge blessing.
And just, like, from time to time, say, hey, Carla, there's a good question in the chat.
So that I don't miss something important.
Last week, I thought I had, like, copied and pasted everything so that I could go back, and y'all, it didn't work.
It literally only, like, copied this much.
And I got, like, I know that there were questions that I missed.
And I know I prompt you ladies to be like, hey, if I didn't answer your question, come in the app and ask.
And I think I had maybe two people ask.
And I'm like, I know there were more questions.
And so sometimes we get to teaching, and I know there's a lot of, like, comments and stuff.
And then I ask a lot of questions, too.
But sometimes, again, I know some of you ladies are at work, and you can't unmute.
And so I don't want to neglect those questions.
But when we got things going in the chat, I can sometimes miss that.
So if I can have a volunteer, and you just let me know in the chat, Carla, I got you.
You will have that permission to cut me off and unmute and say, hey, Carla, just dropping in and letting you know.
We got a couple questions in the chat for you.
Can someone dedicate time to do that?
Do I have anybody?
Any volunteers?
I know we've got so many ladies at work.
Anybody?
Kaylee, you'll do that for me?
Sorry.
Yes, I can do that.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
So thank you, thank you, thank you.
Okay.
Well, let's go ahead and open up in prayer.
And then we'll get our Girl Talk starting here as soon as that's done.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you so much for bringing us together again this week, Lord.
Thank you for the work that you've already been doing in each and every single heart that's on this call and in this community, Father.
Lord, as we spend time together today, can you please continue to teach us, show us, heal us and grow us?
Lord, I ask that you continue to help us become the women who are confident in who you created us to be.
Ones who trust you enough to simply just show up without feeling like we have to perform.
Lord, give us the eyes to see what you are inviting each of us into, and that we continue
to lean in and trust you to lead us in every opportunity that comes our way, Father.
Lord, I ask that you lead this conversation today.
Lord, I thank you for, again, just what you're doing in this community.
I thank you for just the reminders that come up in the app, in the post, that women are
opening up and sharing the vulnerable hearts, and that you allow us to see the messages
that you so desire for us to connect with.
So Lord, I just thank you for this time again, and we ask that you bless it in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Awesome.
Okay, so let's go ahead and get started with our Celebrate Things from the Community, and
what I've seen God doing this week.
It's been really, really good.
So I've noticed a lot of women are still courageously stepping into that process of
dating, which is awesome.
You're learning to trust God with it, right?
We're taking on those opportunities, all right?
We are in charge of the opportunities, right?
But we're letting God be in control of those outcomes, and trusting God with that process.
So I'm seeing lots of that happening.
I'm seeing lots of thoughtful questions showing up in the app, and then even on these calls,
it's really, really good.
I'm seeing a lot more confidence show up instead of the fear, okay?
You know, if you're brand new and you're watching this replay, and you're like, okay, I just
came out of phase one.
Phase two is where you actually apply all of the things that you've done in the heartwork
for yourself.
Now you get to apply it to your life, and you get to see how it actually will bless
your relationships.
And so you get to build that confidence.
You don't have to show up like a fearful – like you don't have to have that guarded, fearful
heart, right?
Like that wall, okay?
So I love seeing that.
I see women are practicing the healthy pacing, right?
That's huge, okay?
I know there are a lot of women, like myself, when I was a single, that like to rush through
that process of dating.
Kaylee, yep, you're shaking your head, yep.
Yeah, I was that.
I was like, okay, let's go.
I'm on a timeline, God.
I got to go.
I want to get married.
I had that timeline when I was in high school.
I'm like, I'm going to be married by the time I'm 25, and da-da-da-da, I'm going to have
this many kids, and y'all.
I joined this program when I was in my late 30s, and I was like, I've never been married.
I was like, this isn't looking how I want, and so what's going on?
So I was definitely all about like, I got to catch up, right?
So that can sometimes naturally get us to like rush the process, and so that's why here
in phase two, that's a big, big tool that we learned to just kind of slow that process
down and really just allow God to kind of unfold our story, and so I'm really seeing
a lot more of that healthy pacing, which is incredible.
I don't think I've seen this in a really long time from a group of ladies in this phase,
so that is something to celebrate, so I'd like definitely take that to heart, okay?
I'm also seeing like ladies communicating their needs with grace and honesty.
Like that's huge.
You're stepping in.
That's again, that comes with confidence, and so you are learning like you don't have
to get quiet, and you can actually voice and communicate your needs of what's important
to you, and you don't have to be offended by it.
Like you don't have to come off defensive and offended, but you can do it in a way that's
honest and clear and kind, and so I'm seeing.
Seeing that and just seeing, honestly, women embracing growth that they're noticing in themselves.
Ladies, that is incredible.
So, I just want to remind you ladies, and I want you to continue to keep celebrating,
that this community isn't becoming someone different.
It's becoming, like, who God's already created to be.
Like, you already are who you are.
You're not having to become someone different just to be loved.
Right?
You're already enough.
All right?
I was listening this morning to worship, and I was in prayer, and I was listening to...
What is happening with some things that are popping up on my screen?
I have no idea what's going on.
No clue.
All right.
I was listening to Jaira by Elevation Worship, Maverick City.
Is anybody not familiar with that song?
Right?
Is everyone pretty much familiar with that?
So, I was listening to that this morning, and there was just some key things that were...
That I was hearing the lyrics, and it was really...
Some things stood out to me.
And so, some of it was, like, I kept hearing, like, okay, like, you're...
I'm already loved.
I'm already chosen.
All right?
I know who I am, and I know what you've spoken.
All right?
And I'm like, wow, that's really beautiful.
Like, I'm already chosen.
All right?
I don't have to perform to be something.
All right?
I'm not looking to perform so a husband chooses me.
All right?
And so...
And then I was hearing, like, you know, it's like, Jaira, you are enough.
And God spoke to my heart in that.
I always heard that chorus of that song and thought to myself, like, it was what I was singing to the Lord.
Like, God, you're enough.
But God was like, well, I don't need to be told that I'm enough.
He's like, I'm the one telling you, you are enough.
Because I already chose you.
I've created you.
I formed you.
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
I know you.
You don't have to perform to be chosen to have someone already know you.
You are already worthy.
And I was like, whoa.
Y'all, like, that, like, hit me.
Like, I don't, like, that hit me something different.
And I was just like, that was, like, I, I want to be known.
Is there anybody here that just truly wants to be known?
That is really looking forward to being a wife because you're like, that will make me feel like I'm just known.
Like, someone sees me.
Someone chooses me.
It's okay to admit that.
Y'all, I'm married, and I will be honest.
Like, that was something I looked forward to.
I have a companion.
I'm like, yes, absolutely.
But you know what's something greater that God has been showing me recently?
Is my value and my worth isn't in a husband.
God's like, Carla, your value and your worth has nothing to do about needing to be known and seen and heard by your husband.
Because guess what?
There are times my husband doesn't get me.
Doesn't know me.
Doesn't see me.
Doesn't understand me.
All right?
I can, I can be a very complicated, highly emotional, highly spiritual, like, on the next level type woman.
Okay?
It's who God created me to be.
And I don't have to hide from that.
I don't have to worry if my husband.
And it's like, babe, I don't get you.
That's okay, because guess what?
I'm already enough.
God's already chosen me.
And so I was really just sitting with that.
And that wasn't even where I was going,
like where I was intentionally going to land today.
But that just really stuck out to me.
And I wanted to share that
because I really feel like it really does go
with what I want to girl talk about today.
And so I was spending lots of time this week on your post.
And I noticed lots of questions as always.
I love it.
I love all the questions are always such good questions.
And we had lots of questions about flirting.
All right, lots of questions about flirting.
Lots of questions about like dating profiles,
yellow flags, about, you know, dating questions,
like first date questions, like those conversations,
those first date conversations, like, you know,
what do you say?
Okay, how do you show up with confidence?
Questions about like, okay,
how much Carla do I share with somebody?
Like, how do I know when I've shared too much?
Like, what is that surface level?
Like, you know, I don't want to have the X factor.
Like, I don't want to share the X factor
and all that kind of stuff.
I don't want to dive in too deep,
but then they ask these questions
and I really don't know what I'm doing.
So lots of those kinds of questions today.
So different women, different questions,
different situations from all of you,
but underneath all of it, it's always the same invitation.
And it wasn't how, it wasn't being asked,
how do I do something?
Or what do I do to get someone to like me?
It was, how do I let someone get to know the real me?
Like, Carla, how do I flirt?
What kind of questions do I ask?
How do I show up?
How do I show up as me, right?
And so I was really like, you know what?
I really think that's what God is inviting us to.
And I'm like, we spend so much time on the heartwork stuff,
but I'm like, sometimes us girls just want to know,
Carla, like, what does this look like?
What's this dating discovery look like?
What am I supposed to do now that I've had the heartwork?
Like, I have no idea what I'm doing.
You know, we're trying to get the confidence.
Carla, you want me to date?
I haven't dated in so long, or every time I did date,
and I just, I don't know if I'm doing it right.
You know, yeah, I got some heartwork,
but heartwork felt really comfortable.
Now I'm, you know, now Jackie's saying
I have to go on seven dates.
Like, that's a lot.
And, you know, Jackie, when I was in the program,
she introduced that seven date challenge.
She prompted us to get on the apps, okay?
She even was like, hey, like,
I want you to get on your socials,
and I want you to let every friend and family member
know that you're like single and ready to mingle.
She's like, community-based matchmaking,
like, let people hook you up.
And I'm like, what?
Okay, and so I was like,
okay, like, this seems uncomfortable.
And I really thought like the hardest part
was gonna be like,
kind of coming out of that hiding
and like being vulnerable in that,
and just being like, okay, let myself like be seen.
But that wasn't it.
The hardest part for me,
and I think what many women,
and I think many of the women here in this phase
currently are facing is,
the hardest part is trying to describe like who you are.
I don't know about you all, but that dating profile.
All right, how many of you have written that?
Several times and erased it.
Like, taken it to a friend.
Hey, look at this.
Y'all, I even was like, hey, can you write mine for me?
All right, like, I didn't know,
I didn't know how to present myself.
Like, I felt like I had to perform.
And I just remember being like, I don't know how to do this.
Like, I don't even know what to say about myself.
I don't even know, like, when I am talking to a guy
and they ask me, like, tell me something about yourself.
I'm like, what do I tell them?
Like, what do I want them to know?
I mean, I wouldn't, y'all, I don't, not even on a date,
but when I get in a big, like, group,
y'all know those icebreaker questions?
And everyone's like, tell us a fun fact about yourself.
Y'all, I get, I, like, I cannot tell you
when I get into, like, a classroom setting.
And please tell me if this is you as well
so I don't feel alone here.
When the instructor is like,
hey, we're gonna have an icebreaker
and tell us, like, something interesting about yourself.
Y'all, my heart starts, like, racing really fast.
And then I, like, start, like,
getting a little bit of a cold sweat.
My palms get sweaty and I'm like,
I start, like, breathing intensely
and I'm like, I have no idea.
And I'm not listening to what anyone else is saying.
I'm sitting here thinking,
I've gotta say something really good.
I've gotta say something really memorable.
I've gotta perform, like, I've gotta make sure
that these people, like, know who I am.
Will remember me, right?
You go with your height, I love it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
It is hard to choose, just want, like,
yes, yes, yes, yes.
So, like, that was, like, the hardest thing for me.
And I know, like, some of you are like, Carla, like,
I don't know how describing yourself would be that hard
because y'all know, especially you ladies
that have, you know, been here for a minute,
know that I have a lot of words, right?
I talk a lot.
I have a lot of words, all right?
So the fact that, like, I was like,
I don't know how to describe myself.
So looking back on that season
of when, you know, Jackie was prompting us
to, you know, make the profile, share more about ourselves,
let people know, hey, I'm coming out of hiding.
I didn't realize that I didn't have a problem,
like, with the dating profile.
I didn't, like, it wasn't about forming my dating profile.
It wasn't about, you know, having conversation with people.
It was more of God was inviting me
to this invitation of identity.
It was an identity invitation.
And so he, you know, I realized God wasn't asking me
to create this, like, better version of myself
that I had to perform.
He was inviting me to just embrace
who I already was,
like, who he'd already been faithfully forming me to be.
And I'm wondering, like,
who else has felt that same tension?
Like, have you struggled?
Just raise your hand if you struggled
with writing about yourself on a profile
or even telling somebody about yourself on a date.
Kaylee, I see Cynthia shaking her head.
Anybody else?
Tamara, Teresa, okay.
I know I got some girls that I can't see on camera,
but if you raise your avatar hand, I can see that.
All right, yep, Lovelette, yep, Shantella, yep.
Like, what if God is inviting us
to discover our identity?
And what if that invitation actually unlocks
all of the other dating stuff?
You'll hear Jackie frequently talk
about behavior follows identity.
And that is so true.
God calls our identity before the behaviors catch up.
And God was highlighting to me scripture
and characters in the Bible, people in the Bible, y'all.
David. King David. Where was he when the Prophet Samuel came to his family to
pick out and anoint the next king? Where was he? Put in the chat. Where was he?
Where was David? Was he there? No. Y'all, he wasn't invited. He wasn't invited because
no one saw him as that. No one saw him as a king.
But 1st Samuel 16.7 says, people judge by outward appearances, but the Lord looks at the heart.
This is why heart work is so incredible. But again, God forms us in our mother's womb. He's
already created our hearts. He's already formed our hearts. And that's what he searches. He's
not looking at our outward appearance. He's already looking at the heart. So people didn't
see David and invite David to the party because they were like, oh, he's not king. Like no one's
going to see him as a king. But what happened? He's like, yo, do you got another son? Because
everybody that's here, it ain't, king ain't here. I'm not seeing it. And so David wasn't being
asked to show up as someone to be worthy. He was already being revealed of who he already was.
Does that make sense? Like he was already created that. So that came to my mind. And then
Mary, mother of Jesus, when the angel came to her and said, Hey, guess what? You're going to be
pregnant. And she's like, how is that even possible? I'm a virgin. And you know, the angels
like sharing this stuff with her. And she says to him, says to the angel, well, may everything you
say about me come true. The angel already spoke her identity. And she herself was like, well, I
hope what you say is actually will come true. She didn't even see that in her. She didn't see her
identity in herself. She had that, like, that was already who she was. She didn't see it that she's
even saying, okay, well, I hope, I hope what you're saying, like, let's have that come true.
Well, what she didn't realize is that was already true. Same thing with the Samaritan woman.
The woman at the well. Jesus sat there and like, knew her. He knew everything about her.
And she was one of the first evangelists to go share, like, y'all, this guy knew everything about me.
Like, how incredible is that? Mary and Martha, that's a good one. Mary was abiding in Jesus
while Martha's sitting there trying to perform. And, and, and, and Jesus is like, Martha, you don't
have to perform. Just abide in me. You're already who I've created you to be, who I've already formed
you to be. And so that alone, that identity who we already are, that is what allows us to have
that intimacy, not with just people, but with him. He wants us to know, like, let's start embracing
who you are, who I've created you to be, what your identity is. Let that shine. Let that come out.
Let that woman
be the one that shows up. Let it shine. All right? I want to read this scripture.
It's Matthew, is it Matthew? Yes, Matthew 5, 14 through 16. You are the light of
the world, like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp
and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand where it gives light to
everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see so that
everyone will praise your heavenly father. Shine, ladies. So, this week, one of my favorite
questions in our app was from Dana. I don't see Dana on today. But she was asking about flirting.
And as I was reading her question, I realized, like,
there's a little something else that this isn't just about flirting. This is about more about
permission. Okay? Permission to let her personality show up without feeling like she had to be
someone or perform as someone that she wasn't. Like, she had to show up. Like, how do I flirt?
Because she was like, it doesn't feel natural. Like, flirting just seems like, you know,
kind of inappropriate. Like, I don't, that's not who I am. And I was like,
you're right. Flirting isn't that, ladies. What I asked Dana this last week, I said, okay,
I'm going to ask you a question. And she responded so beautifully. And I know she
intentionally went back and really thought about it. I asked her, and I'm going to ask all of you
ladies right now. Okay? And I want you to put these things in the chat. I really want you to
think about this. What do your people, your family, your friends, the people that you,
that just know you, that you care about, that just know who you are,
what do they naturally love about you?
Put it in the chat. What do your people naturally love about you?
Tamara's fun and goofy. I love it.
Audrey is funny. She's kind and gentle.
All right, Peggy, I want you to say, Peggy, sit with that one. What do people love about you?
Peggy, I've gotten to know you. We've had, we've had a one-on-one.
Go back to that call that we had together. What are some things that I've recognized about you?
Just sit with that for a minute. Sit with Holy Spirit and be like, Holy Spirit, what is something
that people enjoy? What was it that Carla enjoyed about me?
Because I know there's a lot of things I really enjoyed about you, Peggy.
Lisa is fun and friendly and kind.
Kaylee is funny, kind, generous, and empathetic. I agree with that. Kaylee is like, I love going
through the chat every week and every day because I love hearing from you. I love hearing from you.
Every week and every day because she is such an encourager. She has such an empathetic heart.
Like, what I love about Kaylee is that,
ladies, you can go in that chat and I will tell you, you have been seen by Kaylee.
Like, that's something that's so beautiful. Like, that's who she is. That is who God created her to
be. Kaylee, I'm sorry to make you cry.
It doesn't take much, but thank you.
But it's true, Chantella has a sense of humor, kind and giving, I love that, yes, I love
all that.
Okay, I just love it.
I just love all the things, so ladies, look at that, look at what we're saying, I mean,
we could just spend the whole day just like pray, you know, just sitting there, just speaking
into each other about like, who are we, right, it reminds me when we had the five-year anniversary
party down in Austin last October, we had a retreat and so we just like prophetically
were speaking over with each other and it was really like just words over each other
and so really calling out identity and so ladies, I want you to sit with that, I want
you to remember like those things, those are who you are, that's what you use to shine.
You don't hide those things in a profile, you let those things shine when you're writing
your profile, you share those things, that's how you flirt.
So when I asked Dana that, she's like, okay, my family knows I got a sense of humor, she
likes to joke, she also, her family loves the fact that she calls it like it is, y'all,
I'm very much the same way too and I used to like think people did not like that about
me, that I was harsh, like sometimes I still struggle with that, like sometimes I'll be
you know, talking with Bethany or Ebony and you know, I'll be thinking about my coaching
and being like, oh my gosh, like these women don't like me, they think I'm too harsh on
them and you know, I'm just ripping band-aids off and they probably don't want to get coached
by me, but like Ebony is always, she's like, Carla, like you are the most gentle, kind
band-aid ripper out there and I'm like, huh, I'm like, how, I don't know, like how I'm
supposed to do that, like I don't know how you see that, but it's true and thank you,
Audrey, like she's like, you're gentle, those are the things that you lead with, ladies,
don't hide those things, all right, flirting isn't pretending, flirting isn't manipulating
someone into thinking you're someone you're not, it's not manipulating someone with like,
oh, I've got to look and act a certain way to get someone to be attracted to me, you know,
like I have to flaunt something, like it's not that, it's not even, it's not you even trying
to like be someone like that's irresistible, y'all, you are already chosen because of who
God's formed you to be, we look at the heart, God doesn't look at the outward appearance,
he looks at the heart, what's the heart say about you, if you're someone who jokes and has
a sense of humor, crack that joke, all right, y'all, I'm competitive and second date, my husband
with my husband, he was like, hey, let's go grab dinner and then do you maybe want to go to this
like arcade and play some like video games, I was like, this guy has no idea what he's getting
into and you know what, second date, this guy better find out what he's dealing with, I know
I've shared this story, I think I shared it just recently, it might have been last week and I was
like, this man is gonna have to know what he signed up for, if he's gonna hang with me, he better find
out sooner rather than later because I am really competitive, I have a son and he is a baseball kid,
all right and for anybody that knows or have ever been to a little league baseball game
or have friends that are baseball moms or have heard the stories on social media,
okay, I get those like social media reels all the time because again like I know Facebook is
listening to us, so it knows I'm always at baseball games, so it shows,
it literally just mirrors and shows me picture like little reels of myself.
Basically, y'all, as baseball moms, don't mess with us.
Do not mess with us.
And so I was like, okay, if this guy is going to,
like, he's gonna need to see the real me eventually,
so let's just get it over with.
And so we went to the arcade, y'all.
I beat his butt in some of those games
and I didn't hold back.
I showed up.
I had made sure he knew.
I'm like, dude, I just beat you.
And he's like, oh, yeah, well, I let you win.
I'm like, no, you didn't.
No, you didn't.
I didn't let him off that easy.
I was like, no, you didn't.
I said, cause I saw you over there sweating.
You were really trying hard.
People that would let, like, if you were letting me win,
you wouldn't be trying that hard
and you wouldn't be breaking a sweat.
So don't kid yourself.
I'm like, if you're gonna hang with me,
you're gonna have to earn any win that you get.
Like, we're going, all right?
And just so you know, if you don't play fair,
I will throw down.
I'm like, cause eventually you're gonna see me
at a baseball game, at an eight-year-old's baseball game.
And if those other players are not playing fair,
you're gonna see this girl get rowdy.
So if you're gonna be embarrassed
by this little five-three chick,
little blonde, blue-eyed, like, girl,
screaming and yelling at some, like, six-foot umpire
in this, like, coach, and screaming at a little kid game,
like, then this probably ain't gonna work.
So don't be afraid to allow the part of you
that makes you you come out, all right?
So flirting is really about simple opportunities
that are there to create connection.
That's all it is.
How are you gonna create connection?
How are you gonna let your personality shine?
I love that.
Peggy, I'm not very humble.
I'm glad that you had a husband that was humble.
I wasn't.
Not humble at all.
I've had to learn, okay?
Cause now my son is about to be 11,
and those younger kids, they pick up, okay?
Like, those, like, the coaches are like, okay, parents,
like, us coaches influence your kids,
but you guys are actually more of an influence
on your kids than us coaches.
And I'm like, okay.
So I've had to tame myself at times, okay?
So some examples of flirting, just smile,
make eye contact, ask some thoughtful questions,
laugh, enjoy yourself, be curious, be present, be yourself,
have fun.
If you joke, joke, all right?
If you're competitive, be competitive.
Let that part of you shine, okay?
Flirting doesn't have to be like this.
I don't know how to flirt, just be yourself.
That's it, all right?
All right, and so the last thing I'll leave us here with
is we're gonna have some girl talk,
some more girl talk here,
and I want you to be honest, all right?
When y'all go on trips, how many of you,
okay, and I need y'all to be honest with me.
Is there anybody here that when you pack,
you like pack your whole closet?
Yeah.
Please tell me, who packs their whole closet?
Yes, I'm not the only one.
So what was the question again?
You pack what?
How many of you pack your whole closet?
Like you need all of the outfit options.
You need to have every shoe selection
because you just don't know what situation,
what event you're gonna be asked to, right?
You just wanna be prepared, okay?
I'm one of those girls that just needs to be prepared.
Is there anybody else?
You gotta be prepared for the unexpected
because let's be real, ladies, you never know.
Oh, when there's going to be like a blizzard in the Mexican Riviera, right?
Am I right?
Do you start packing far ahead?
Cause I'm more of a last minute packer and then I'll over pack cause I'm stressing.
I kind of do both.
I will like be thinking about, Oh, I want to pack this.
I don't want to pack this.
I'll maybe go shopping for some outfits and then yeah, that last minute.
And I'm like, I got to pack y'all.
I'll wake up at five in the morning and I had to leave my house at six and being
like, Oh, I'll, I'll be like, okay, I've got to, I got to pack the night before,
but then I'm cleaning my house and I'm preparing everything and then I'm like,
okay, I think I've got everything pretty much prepared.
I'll just wake up, you know, maybe not even five in the morning.
Cause I still have to get ready like three or four in the morning.
I'll get an hour or two of sleep and then I'll be like, okay.
And then I'm like, I'm not prepared.
It's all coming with me.
And then I'm like, okay, yeah, I need that parka because what if, you know, it
starts blizzarding and it's like, I think I'm going on a tropical vacation, but
who knows, or, you know, I'm going somewhere tropical and maybe a hurricane
is going to happen, you know, we never know.
I mean, it's not hurricane season, but you, you just never know.
Okay.
And so I got to make sure that I have everything.
All right.
So this is what I want to let you ladies know.
Okay.
So if you are like me and you pack your whole closet, I'm going to need you
really listen in.
Okay.
I want you to really lean in close here.
Okay.
When it comes to your dates, your first dates, conversations and all the things,
all right, and getting to know somebody, you don't leave that baggage at the gate.
Don't leave the baggage at the gate.
They're going to just say, you got too much.
You don't have to leave that.
You can't, you can't.
Nope.
Sorry.
You can't bring that on the plane with you.
You can't leave that at the gate.
All right.
Cause seriously, it's a hassle.
It's a hassle.
So, and this doesn't mean that our stories, like all the things that we, we bring,
that we pack with us isn't important.
I mean, it is part of our story, but ladies, those things matter, but not in the
very beginning with people that we're just getting to know the dating for
discovery is what's going to give us permission to let that relationship slowly
unfold.
Okay.
You don't have to tell your entire life story.
It's not needed on that first date.
You don't have to dump it.
Okay.
You don't have to bring all that baggage on that plane.
You don't have to answer every question that comes up in conversation.
All right.
Sometimes those questions come up because guys are just asking questions.
You don't have to answer every question.
You can discern what heart posture that that question's coming from.
You can give a little information.
You can answer it with just a little bit of honesty, or you can set a boundary and
say, you know what?
That's a good question.
I'm not sure I'm ready to answer that.
Maybe once we spend some time getting to know one another better, um, we can, we
can dive back into that question.
And then guess what?
You can, you can flip, flip the role and then ask them a question.
Redirect.
Okay.
You don't have to rush emotional intimacy.
On a first date or a second date or third date or on a first phone call or on the,
on the messaging, you don't have to rush the emotional intimacy and guess what?
You also don't have to, to rush spiritual or physical intimacy either.
I wouldn't advise that.
Okay.
So we're going to leave the baggage at the gate.
Those lighthearted conversations, ladies, is what often is going to reveal that
deeper character over time in a person.
And it's that curiosity that gives us that permission to pace ourselves,
to gather more information.
And to be able to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,
so that it will lead us to discern whether alignment
to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,
and compatibility is actually there.
That's what we're looking for.
Alignment, compatibility, okay?
Yeah, do we want them to look cute?
Of course.
But that's not all that there is, all right?
We want to really, again, we don't want
to judge the outward appearance.
We want to search the heart.
Because we want someone to search our heart as well.
We want us to actually, we want someone to know us, okay?
Now, they're not going to know us the way God knows us.
That will never happen, okay?
Even your husband will never know you as intimately
and as deeply as your heavenly father knows you, okay?
But you're going to want someone that is interested in knowing you
in a way that the father desires, okay?
So I want you to keep this in mind, okay?
This is my closing thought, and then we're going
to do the activation, and then we're going
to take questions, okay?
Okay, long before God ever introduces you to your husband,
he's going to introduce you to him and yourself, okay?
He wants to introduce you to him,
and he wants to show you who you are, okay?
And that's what's so awesome about heartwork and such a foundation
is why we ask you to go through that in the first phase
is because we want you to start going in your heart,
scaling back some of those wounds, and healing those pieces.
And so you've started that, now you get to enter into this phase,
that dating for discovery phase, where you get to show up.
Ladies, you get to, like, this is when now your behavior
is following that identity, all right?
That's why it's important to come to these sessions.
It's important to ask the questions.
It's important to get filled up.
It's important to allow us to coach you.
It's important to allow the women in this community to see you
and see your post, and to come on camera, and to share in the chat.
It's important because that's your behavior,
and that's going to start showing you who you are.
It's going to start reaffirming who God's created you to be.
And again, it's just God's going to remind you,
see, this is who you are, this is who I create you to be.
And that's going to feel really good, OK?
You're not someone that's going to have to earn love.
You're going to just start beginning to believe, like,
I have something beautiful to offer.
That's the purpose of phase two.
It's to step out and get comfortable getting uncomfortable
with being who you already are created to be.
OK, so this week's activation.
I want you all asking, instead of asking,
how do I get someone to like me?
This is what I want you to do.
I want you to ask, Lord, what would it look like
to let the woman that you've created me to be shine a little more?
How are you going to shine this week?
What would the woman look like?
That he's created you to be.
Shine.
You can smile.
A lot more. You can be the first one to smile, make eye contact with those guys.
You can make those those eye contact and you can smile, you can have the flirt smile, OK?
You can show your gentleness and your kindness.
Yes, Teresa, please repeat that once more.
You can be like maybe when the first one's to smile.
Like if you're no question, I'm at the question.
Yes. Thank you, Lord.
What would it look like to let the the woman that you created me
to be shine a little more?
How are you going to shine this week?
a little more.
How are you going to shine this week?
And I'll, ladies, I'll post this in the app as well.
I'll probably post it tonight
because I know the ladies that come on the eight o'clock,
they haven't heard the teaching yet,
so I don't wanna release the activation too soon.
So I try to post it in the evening.
I try to schedule it,
and sometimes that doesn't always work.
And then if that doesn't work,
then I have to set a reminder,
and sometimes I'm not always near
where I'm able to log in and do that, but I do try.
So again, you can be the one to smile first.
Here's one.
Ladies, some of you might feel motivated
to finish your dating profile.
You don't have to stare at a blank screen.
You get to let yourself shine.
Who are you?
What do you like about yourself?
What do other people like about you?
Like, call your identity out.
Y'all, you, I would even say, let it be a prophetic act.
I was actually, we were prompted that this week in church.
Like, prophetically speak.
Like, there's nothing wrong with that.
Like, I am this.
I'm gonna do this.
Speak it, all right?
You know, start a conversation.
Y'all, I don't, you can be in a grocery store.
You can be at the bank.
I don't think anybody really goes inside banks anymore.
I typically go through the drive-thru.
I do go to the grocery store.
I don't like people picking out my groceries.
I try not to do the curbside pickup.
I don't like people picking my produce.
I always get, like, the bruised apples,
and then they never pick the right, like, bananas.
I'm like, green bunch,
because my kids don't always, like, eat them right away,
and so I need them, I don't need them to go bad.
So, I need to go to the grocery store myself, okay?
And if you're someone that, you know, you're like,
no, Carla, I really don't go out.
I want you to say, okay, no.
I'm gonna let myself shine this week,
and I'm gonna get out more.
Go on a walk.
Go, go, just go walk the mall.
Go walk somewhere outdoors, unless you're in Texas,
and it's, like, 100 and some odd degrees here.
It's stinking hot.
Oh, my gosh, like, you step out, and you just sweat.
Oh, I love that.
Tamara said she's in a church group,
and she has an assignment.
She has to have three to five people
write a few words to describe.
That one's good.
What do, and what's so cool,
and I want you to update on what people share,
because I wanna know if, when you pick three to five people,
if anyone says the same thing,
if they notice the same things.
Like, I did that with my friends,
and, like, my best friend, she was, you know,
even my maid of honor at the wedding,
and she, this is one thing she always says about me,
and then more people that I asked,
I recognized, like, they'd said the same thing,
that I'm a very, very loyal person,
that I'm a person that, a lot of times,
people feel safe to come tell their secrets to,
that I'm a person that has it in lock and key.
They know, like, I'm a volt,
that I will hold, like, I am so loyal,
and, like, they are safe with me,
and I was like, wow, I never, like,
really realized that until I asked people,
like, to describe me, and when they described me that way,
I was like, that's kinda cool.
Like, and then, you know, you step into that,
like, guess what, then your behavior,
you step into that.
So, yeah, definitely, like,
y'all take Tamara's church groups assignment this week.
Go ask some people, describe me,
give me some words that describe me.
Go to an event, share your opinion, ask a question,
tell a joke, ladies, crack the joke.
If you're out on a date, crack the joke.
Y'all, I did that.
I can't remember what number date it was,
but I was being introduced.
It was my husband's work event.
It was, like, this massive convention.
It was early on when we were dating,
and I met, like, his,
I mean, I met all these people that he worked with,
like, his boss, his, like, head of company, like, whatever,
and they were humorous.
people just cracking jokes and stuff and his boss said something and y'all I made such
a joke totally caught that guy off guard but I had everybody laughing and I think honestly
my husband was dating him at the time I think honestly that might have been like a check
in his box like that's attractive like she just told my boss what like she just like
took a jab at him and everybody laughed and luckily his boss laughed too because after
I said it I thought oh that could have gone sideways but you know what I didn't hold back
I was just being myself I didn't mean it ill you know I was just showing who I was now
if someone was offended by it I also am someone who genuinely is never trying to insult somebody
and I am sincere about that and I am empathetic and I would own it and I'm a humble person
that would would do right you know I would I would definitely hold myself accountable
and so then guess what then I would let that part of me shine too so I don't have to hold
anything back all right I get to let my heart be who I am so I want you ladies to create
that opportunity trust God with that outcome and I want you to come and share that moment
with us okay sound good awesome all right I'm gonna push this over a little bit because I know
I kind of got really sidetracked today and went off on a lot of tangents because I shared some
things that I like didn't even have prepared but I really felt led to do that so how many of you
got questions today and then don't forget if any of you had a question last week and I didn't get
to you I do want to make sure that I get to you first anybody I don't have any questions oh come
on there's got to be someone that has a question Tim I love that because it reminds me of my my
youngest when I joined the community hey kids I my youngest was five at the time and he was like
the mascot of last year single everybody was always like hey Bo hey like everybody knew who
my son was and he'd always be like mom can I come on and say hi to the girls and like he'd always
like they just adored him and so even now like he'll like hear like he'll hear some of the ladies
that are still like he'll hear Jackie's voice he's like mom can I say hi to Jackie and so I love
it I love it and you know what like I will tell you this like ladies that have kids this isn't
just your love story this is your kids love story too you're building legacy like my kids they get
to absorb the healing and the healthy relationship that God redeemed and restored and so he prepares
their hearts too and so I love it I absolutely love it oh they're visiting for oh you're the
crazy aunt I love it oh so they are gonna have a good time in Austin I love it so you're gonna
y'all you're gonna need to have your aunt make sure that she does her homework assignment okay
you're gonna hold her accountable make sure that she lets her personality shine make sure she does
all the fun things with you and just has a lot of fun all right can you do that there's a lot
of fun things to do in Austin I've been there several times go to the park to all the fun
things awesome okay
Yes, I do have two questions.
I love it.
All right.
So I've got Teresa and Peggy.
So we'll, it's just the two of you have the questions.
If that's it, then we will go ahead and get started.
And then, yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, ladies.
So definitely see who's all in Texas.
So Kaylee's in San Antonio, so she's not far from you.
She's not far at all.
I think she was saying the kids are from Austin, right?
Oh, wait, I don't want to interrupt you.
Oh, they're visiting from Austin.
Where are you at then, Tamara?
Iowa?
I totally read that wrong.
Y'all, I'm getting classified.
Iowa.
I wish there was more like the activities
and stuff out here, but I just talked to my sister
and I said, well, when I'm in Austin next time,
maybe I'll plan like to go, you know,
plan it around a time when there's a community activity
or something like that.
Yeah, well, here's the thing is even
if there's not a community activity,
you just let us know and we'll make an activity.
Awesome.
Honestly, there's so many of us in Texas.
Like, it's a good time.
That's cool.
I know Dallas, Dallas Fort Worth area.
I know Ebony is in Austin
and then we have several people in that area.
And I know some of the Dallas ladies and the Austin ladies,
like they'll meet in the middle and go to Waco.
I got some ladies in Oklahoma as well.
So lots of fun things.
We're visiting Iowa.
She lives in Iowa.
That's what she said.
Gotcha, but you all are from Austin.
Yeah.
So you'll have to show her around.
Yes.
I love it.
Awesome.
Yes, yes, yes.
But yeah, good times, good times.
Well, you're still gonna go,
like Iowa, this one, I feel like
it doesn't get super humid there, does it?
It does.
See, I'm originally from Indiana
and we would get humidity, but it wasn't like horrible.
And then I lived in Florida for 15 years
and that was very humid.
And then I moved to Texas
and it's even more hot and humid here in Dallas.
And then it gets freezing and snows and freezes here too.
So I'm like, what happened?
What did I do?
All right.
Okay.
Well, let's go ahead and jump to our questions.
I always love getting this time to catch up with you ladies
because this is what I like about
sometimes our smaller groups.
All right.
Teresa, what question do you have for us today?
Okay, so I got brave over the weekend.
Yes, I love it, I love it.
I've been like, I don't know how I would word it,
just looking at profiles, you know,
find them on one site.
And I had my eye on this one gentleman.
So I decided to reach out and I reached out Saturday night.
And last night he got back to me
and very kindly rejected me.
Okay.
He was really, really nice about it.
And there's, you know, part of me is like, okay,
so that's it, just let it go.
The other part of me kind of wants to respond,
not to try to change his mind,
but to actually thank him for how nice he was about it.
And it actually made me feel good,
the fact that I think that I was really on track
as far as he's a really nice guy.
There was another guy that reached out to me last week
and I went, oh, I don't know.
This is like, it was very creepy and I didn't do anything.
And then I was gonna read his stuff to my sister
and he was gone.
So somebody else, they found out
that the guy did not belong on the site.
Yeah.
You know, so it was kind of like, okay,
so I am picking up on things,
whereas I tend to be the type of person of just,
we'll be open to everybody
and give them the benefit of the doubt
and this and that, sometimes to a fault.
So this gentleman being as nice as he was,
first of all, just responding
instead of just not responding at all.
You know, I really appreciated that.
So what do you think about me just sending a quick note,
thanking him for his response?
I love that.
We've had several women that have done that in our community.
I know when I was in the group and stuff like that,
and we would share our stories
and our interactions with guys online
and things like that, we would share that.
Like sometimes we would ask like,
hey, you know, can you tell me a little bit more about,
you know, what was it that,
like even if we went on like a date with them
and they're like, hey, I'm gonna have to pass.
some of the ladies would be like, you know,
I really appreciate you being straightforward with me.
Would you mind giving me some feedback
because I'm in this, you know,
I'm being mentored in a singles community
and I'm really trying to learn
like how to show, like how to show up.
And is there anything that I could have done, you know,
not, I want to say do differently
because again, we're not trying to perform,
but learning the why
and realizing that oftentimes
it has nothing to do with us.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
And it has just everything to do with
maybe it's just not the right season for them
or it could be, you know,
hey, you know,
I know that I gonna do missions someday
and I want to go in ministry.
And that person is like,
I know that that's just not something
that I feel called to do.
And so I think you're, you know, an amazing person.
I just know that doesn't align
with what God's called me to do.
And so guess what?
We don't take offense to that.
Right.
So sometimes being able to share that
is really, really helpful.
Yeah.
I mean, since we just had the one
little very brief interaction,
I don't know that I would quite go that far with it.
Yeah, no.
But I was just, yeah, giving you an opportunity,
like you can just say, like, here's the thing.
Like you can say,
hey, I really wanted to let you know
I appreciated you being gentle and kind
with your decline because-
With your rejection of me.
Well, yeah.
But say, because it, you know,
and you can even share, like,
sometimes being the first one to kind of open up,
there is a fear.
And I recognize I didn't have to be afraid of rejection
because you did it so kindly.
I mean, honestly, God showed,
like you can say God showed me that nice men exist.
Y'all, I went on so like some dates where they weren't it,
but God used those dates to show me
that there are good men out there.
There are nice men.
I don't have to be offended.
God was able to utilize, like when I got rejected,
like it was okay.
I didn't have to get offended.
I didn't have to get hurt.
It didn't change my worth.
It didn't change my value and it changed who I was.
If anything, it just reinforced, like, that's okay.
I'm thankful.
I mean, I started getting thankful
when people would reject me.
I counted it as a blessing.
We used to call it getting holy ghosted.
Like, I do not want someone to just entertain the idea
because they don't wanna let me down and drag me along.
Right, definitely.
And then keep me from meeting my husband.
Don't do that.
Right, right.
I also don't wanna keep somebody else
from meeting their husband.
But I also wanna give myself an opportunity
to get to know somebody
before I decide if they're my husband, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So I really, like, I love how you're looking at that
as an opportunity.
And it even reminds me,
and I shared this on somebody else's post this week.
Jackie, early on, would share with us
on these dating experiences
as she got our feet wet with dating people.
And y'all remember, it took me like a year
of her prompting us to go on dates.
Like, it took me a year to go on dates.
She had to push me out of the nest.
Prompted, like, when she prompted us,
she was, she would often say,
leave someone better than you found them.
If you focus on leaving someone better than you found them,
like, you're just blessing them.
And you can feel good about that.
It has nothing to do with, you know,
you, it has everything to do with them.
All right?
They show up, you know, rude and hateful.
That doesn't, that doesn't change who you are.
Nor should it ever.
I always have to tell my kids,
just because someone was mean and rude to you
doesn't mean you have a right to show up the same way.
You might think they deserve it,
but how you respond to them says a lot more
about your own character than it does about them
and what they did to you.
We want to leave people better than how we found them.
Because.
That says more about who we are.
We get to honor ourselves.
We get to be that honor.
Like we get to honor ourselves.
So I love that idea.
I love that you got brave and you got bold.
I love that you were taking this opportunity
to not look at it as a rejection,
like something to be like negative about,
but you're like, okay, there was an opportunity.
I didn't get to control the outcome.
God got to lead the outcome.
God now gets to reveal how he's going to lead that outcome
to be to my benefit.
What's the good that comes from this outcome?
Y'all remember what the enemy means for evil,
God will use for good.
All right?
Things will happen in our lives.
And there's one or two ways of looking at it.
We can look at it from a mindset of a kingdom mindset,
or we can look at it from a worldly mindset.
Y'all, we get that choice.
We get to decide that.
You know, Satan's not over here telling us
what we have to decide.
And God's not over here saying like,
I'm forcing you to make this decision.
God gave us that free will.
He gave us the gift to be able to choose.
So every single one of those opportunities,
every single one,
how are you going to show up and let the personality in you,
who you created, shine?
How are you going to honor that?
I love that.
And see, you're dropping hankies.
And eventually, y'all, it's a numbers game.
You see a profile, like it.
Drop a hanky.
Worst they can do is say, no, not interested.
Okay.
You don't, you never have to see him again
because guess what?
You're not even in front of them.
Right?
What's the worst that could happen?
They say no.
What's the best that could happen?
You can go on a date and have a really good time.
Enjoy conversation.
Okay?
So I love it.
Keep letting that shine.
Let us know what you decide.
All right.
But I don't see anything wrong with just, again,
thanking him for,
you know, letting him know that he blessed you.
I love it.
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. And I have one quick thing.
If everybody could keep my daughter and love Becca in mind,
please.
They're going to induce her tonight at eight o'clock.
All right.
Yeah. This is her second
and her first labor and delivery were absolutely perfect.
So hopefully things will go smoothly this time.
Does she know if she had a boy or girl?
Another girl, another girl, Eliza.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
Absolutely.
We will definitely be praying for her.
Love it.
All right.
Peggy, you're up next.
Hold on.
Okay.
Hey.
Hello.
Good to see you.
There are so many times I have my makeup on.
Today I went for a walk.
I got sweaty.
I have no makeup on.
So this is Peggy Lynn.
Half the time I don't.
Like this is the one day that y'all caught me
actually having makeup on and doing my hair.
You look so cute today.
Honest, John.
I wanted to let you know that.
Thank you.
Very pretty.
I aspire to have curls like that.
But I try.
Just not today.
Remember, we're not looking at the outside appearances.
It's always about the heart.
I'm more, we're going to focus on the heart.
Okay. Very good.
All right.
Last week I threw up a question and you,
I just read, I was, while you were talking, Teresa,
I was just crying while I was reading your answer
to my question last week.
Both you and Ebony responded
and it just really touched my heart.
Just wanted you to know that.
So I don't really have that question anymore.
So I got another one.
I haven't been sleeping too good lately.
You haven't been sleeping good. Okay.
No, I'm 70 years old.
So I don't know what it is.
I live by myself.
I'm blessed to have my own home
and I just putter around it and just do my thing.
what I like and I really think I might need a push out of the nest okay um I'm
wondering if that is part of the reason why I'm just sleeping because I have
been asking the Lord is there something in me is there some kind of trauma that
I'm just you know not able to let go of the reason why I'm not sleeping I've
just been lean I you know I've been forgiving people bringing people up and
you know forgiving and just so I don't know I don't know what it is so I'm
feeling like I maybe need to get another coaching call with you and maybe we
could just start a profile I I really okay I really couldn't remember the nice
things that you said about me and so I just kind of need some help sort of you
know pulling that together I feel like I am ready to then I remember you sharing
that like you kind of felt like you knew you were ready and so I think I
celebrated that with you in a post did you not I don't know I don't think that
was me I think I'm really not rushing but I feel like I knew that because we
yeah you were unpacking a lot of other stuff that yeah like you said you've
been forgiving people you've yeah you've had some stuff that you were caring and
so you've had some heart healing and that's been really good that's been
really healthy for you and that is going to accelerate the process yeah so that's
what I recognize and so I also have a child that has been a strange for a very
long time yeah um and we got together at the end of last year just right after I
joined LYS and it just kind of blew all my desire for you know it just really
changed my focus yeah God wanted you to focus on healing that and restoring that
like that was it there was an intentionality and a purpose and that
and I don't like yeah I think that was really good and so I think the dust is
settling I also wonder you know spend some time with the Lord on the sleeping
part because ladies I want you to be gentle with yourself in these healing
seasons okay sometimes when we're healing our body does need rest yeah it
does yeah all right if we've ever if we've experienced trauma or anxiety or
just our nervous systems are overloaded like that's that causes a lot of stress
on our body and the way that our body is heals is through resting and so I would
sit with that Peggy okay okay yeah are you saying you are not getting enough
sleep or you're sleeping a lot no I the last few nights I'm like awake until
three so what I try to do is just lie there in the dark you know and just rest
you know but when you see the clock you know it's 1230 you know question yeah
um when you are awake like that like the only reason I mean this is sometimes what happens to
me either God will keep me awake or I will wake up randomly in the middle of the night or wake
up extremely early when I don't have to get up early okay I'm like I can't get back to sleep
yeah um have you ever in those moments when you recognize like I can't fall asleep have you ever
asked God like are you are you inviting me to spend time with you no I actually don't ask him
that but I I like spending time with him so yeah sometimes it's just I mean I'm honestly I'll be
you know I'll be transparent with you ladies like God has me in a very like sabbatical season right
now luckily my kids are out of school so I don't have to do all the running around so
Oh, God's really been like, you're going to be intentionally
spending a lot of time with me.
And so there will be some nights I will, I mean, there's times that I just will be
up to like four or five in the morning and I'm just in the word and I'm journaling.
Y'all, I like, I filled journal after journal and this has just been since June.
God told me the whole month of June, July, and August, I was supposed to
spend really intentional time with him.
And I will, I'll wake up in the middle of the night.
I'll wake up like this morning.
I was up so early in the morning.
I was like, okay, I guess I'm going to get my day started.
God, I guess I'm going to spend some quality time with you.
Like there was nobody up in the house and I, like, I just sat and was with him.
And then same thing, like there, there'll be C there'll be times in this season
where I can't stay awake and I just have to sleep because I've been
working through a lot of healing.
Like there's been a lot of healing and heart stuff that
I've had to walk myself through.
And so, um, I just really, um, when you were speaking, I, I just, I felt the,
I heard the word just gentle, like be gentle with yourself and give yourself
the grace, um, to be still and, and, um, not to press and stress yourself.
Um, but just to allow things to unfold and, and sit with those invitations.
And, you know, I, I do think God's inviting you now into this new season
that you are ready to, to dive into something new, but I want you
to be gentle with yourself.
It doesn't have to be rushed.
Let God just kind of invite that and unfold that.
And, and that was one thing, like, you know, when you said that, you know,
you didn't know how you would describe yourself and one thing that I really
enjoyed about you is your heart is so pure and intentional, you genuinely care
for people, there is a sincerity about you.
That I just really, really feel that just illuminates off of you.
And there is that gentleness, like you have that Holy spirit, gentleness,
that fruit of the spirit, that gentleness.
And I think, and I just, I just really believe that God wants to cultivate that
in you and I think that's what people are ready.
I think that's what people are ready to see, but I think it's
what you're ready to let shine.
Yeah.
People are, people need to see Peggy's gentleness, her tenderness,
her heart, her love, kindness.
There's a softness about you, Peggy.
It's intentional.
You, you, it's on purpose.
And so, yeah, that's what I saw in you.
That's what I really enjoyed.
And so I want you to embrace that.
And, um, yeah, I just want you to spend time with God, ask him, Hey, are you,
are you wanting me to spend a little extra time with you?
So are you keeping me up so late at night and you'll be surprised
because there'll be times I will be up all night and then, then I
will sleep hard the next day.
And I'm like, okay, that works.
That works.
God gives me the rest when I need it.
And then he blesses me with what he shares with me in the, in the moments
that I do get to spend time with him.
And I will just like, he will just speak things to me that I'm like, whoa.
Like I'm getting just new revelations of things, you know, and then
sharing it with other people.
Like I, that's one thing I get to love.
I mean, that's why I love being able to, to be with you ladies.
Like it, it humbles me to get, to pour into y'all and, and give
back what was, what was, what blessed me.
Um, like, I don't, I don't want to keep this for myself.
I really do believe it.
it's a gift to be given.
And so,
that's, I think that's something God wants to show you too.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay. I bought a swimsuit.
Last night I was, I couldn't resist.
I got my iPad out and I bought a swimsuit.
It's summer.
Yeah, it's summer time.
Like let it shine.
You're gonna be out in the sunshine,
letting it shine, letting your kindness,
your gentleness, all of it shine.
Yeah.
I love it.
Thank you so much, Carla.
You are welcome.
You are, what you intend to share with others
is really blessing.
It's blessing me.
And I know it's blessing others.
Well, I'm thankful for that.
I appreciate that.
You're welcome.
Thank you so much.
Kaylee, I see your hand up.
Okay, my turn.
I have a few different questions.
The first one is that seven date challenge.
Does that mean seven different people
to go on a first date with?
Or like you go on the same, what does that mean?
It's an actual date.
So, I mean, you could have three dates with one guy
and then, you know, a fourth date with a different guy
and then a first date with a third guy
and then maybe he passed the test
and you give him a second date.
Like it's however.
And then if you match with somebody that's long distance,
because this is what sometimes I had to do
is I counted video chats as dates
because sometimes if you're long distance,
like getting on a physical date was not always easy.
Plus I was a single mom.
And so sometimes like video dates
just had to happen naturally first.
And so we count video dates as well,
like a 30 to 40 minute video chat,
because you're getting to know somebody,
you're seeing face to face.
We want like, what's important is there is,
you're not just hearing someone's words
or you're not tech, like you're not reading someone's words
because here's the thing, when we're messaging,
like we can draft our words, okay?
Like when I'm responding to you ladies,
like I'm reading over my responses
and being like, oh no, I need it.
Like, and I'm, you know,
sometimes it'll take me a while to respond
and that will happen too when you're meeting somebody.
So when you are face to face with somebody,
whether it's on video or in person,
you are getting their body language, their tone,
their facial expressions.
You're asking a question
and they are having to respond in real time.
They can't go edit their response.
And so that's why we say video or in person.
And you don't have to like get all your seven dates
completed before you shift over to phase three either.
I know some people get confused with that.
They're like, Carla, I've been in phase two for a year
because I've only had six dates.
And I'm like, girl, if you ready, you ready, it's fine.
Or Carla, I've only had two dates
and you know, I can't go to phase three.
I'm like, no, you're not,
you're allowed to go over to phase three
when you've worked through the content,
you've opened up,
you feel like you've gotten some practice under your belt
of like how you show up,
how you're using these hard work tools
in real life and then you get to shift over.
You know, we just ask at least minimum five to six weeks
and make sure that you're showing up,
you're engaging, you're watching the content
and so on and so forth.
And I know some ladies think
they have to be in a level three relationship
to get to phase three.
And that's false too.
You don't have to be an exclusive relationship
to be in phase three, okay?
So that's the other thing.
So I've been on a few dates with Jesse
that I think I posted about.
Yeah.
And I don't know how I feel about it.
Well, I wanted to write things out
so I could describe better,
but then I forgot and didn't do that.
But-
Okay, tell me about them.
You've been on, how many dates have you been on?
Well, and that's the other thing,
like if you just go to hang out with somebody,
like do you count that as a date?
Yeah.
Or is it a date if, okay.
I feel like I haven't dated in a while
and so I don't know-
Yeah, if you're spending time with somebody
and it's like time with them
and you're getting to know them,
like that to me counts as a date.
Okay.
Yeah, because I feel like, um, I guess we've had, we've met four
times, maybe five, four or five. Um, but like a few of the times
I do feel like the past few weeks, I've had kind of a lot
going on in my personal life. And then I feel like I maybe
could have, like, canceled, I don't know, or I just wasn't
like in a good mood or something to where I feel like I didn't
get to show up like how I wanted to and like, a positive way. And
I think, I guess I'm just trying to navigate like, how to, like,
do the not do the people pleasing thing. And yeah, how to
have good boundaries. And like, I like, I think I like him, but
I'm not. I don't know. I'm not really sure. And what else? Um,
I don't know. I just feel like, I wonder too, if, if I should
even be dating right now, because I feel like unsteady in
my life with, like working through my health, and like, I'm
needing to find a new job. And I have all these different
projects I want to do. But I still want to be open to dating.
But with this guy, I don't know, I kind of feel like he he wants
to call me when he gets off work. But I don't always answer
his call. I feel like he's treating it like we're already
boyfriend, girlfriend. I don't really like that. I'm like, if
it's like two feels like too much too soon. But also also, I
don't know. Like, do I have to tell him that? Like, if I want
to go on dates with other people? Do you you don't tell
that to that person? Right?
So here's, okay, this is what I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you a
couple questions. When you are out hanging out with him. Do you
enjoy yourself?
Mm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's good. All right. That's an easy
yes. Like, you're going out, you're having fun, you're
getting to know someone. Do you have to rush the process?
I want to but I shouldn't.
So let's ask ourselves what what thoughts or emotions or feelings
like what's surfacing? What what are you? What is leading you to
is leading you to feel like you want to rush the process? What
about the process? Do you want to rush?
I think sometimes maybe I can just or what do I want to rush?
Actually, I'm not sure. Um,
and that's okay. I like you don't have to have the answers
to all these questions right away. It just I want you to sit
like it's okay to sit with the I'm not sure yet. It's okay to
not be sure yet. It's okay, while you're still trying to
figure this out. Um,
one thing that I heard, so I'm gonna ask this to, um, you say
you got lots going on. There's times that you want to cancel.
You're not feeling like you're in a good mood. Um, and I heard
you say I don't want to show up. How like I don't want to show
up in a way that I don't want to show up. Okay, now I want to
stop for a minute. Let's talk about what we shared today. Is
it okay for you to have bad days? Are you allowed permission
to have bad days? Absolutely. Okay. Are you ever in any
relationship going to show up and have to be on and perfect
and like, be cheerful and in a great mood all the time?
No, no. Okay. You get to show up as you are. So you get to
decide and I think someone else had the same question, which
was really, really glad that you're bringing this up. So, you
know, it lets me know that you're, you are not the only one
walking through situations like this other women in this
community. So someone else posted something like this,
you're sharing about this, and I'm sure someone else is
probably experiencing or more than one person is also
sharing, you know, experiencing this, this. I'm not sure. I want
to go on a day.
I don't feel like going, so what do I do?
I feel like I'm supposed to go, but I also don't wanna go
because I don't wanna give a bad impression.
And what I shared with her was,
you get to decide.
Let's sit with that and really spend time with,
okay, what's the real reason that I don't wanna go?
What's holding me back from either saying,
hey, I think she's like recovering from an injury.
She got had a foot injury and she's like,
I'm just not feeling, like I said,
you're allowed to say, hey, I'm not feeling well.
I'm dealing with this injury.
Would it be okay if we postponed?
Or I said, is it okay that you communicate,
hey, I don't wanna cancel our date,
but I wanna let you know that I'm going through an injury,
so I'm not feeling the greatest.
So I hope it's okay that I might not show up
in the most cheerful mood.
Oh, I see.
And then guess what gets to happen?
You get to now observe their response.
Okay.
So you get to discern, like, how do they show up?
That's gonna reveal more information
because now you're saying like,
I don't know how I feel about this person.
Okay.
So let's sit with and challenge ourself
and create some opportunities
where we get to learn a little bit more
about who they are, how they show up.
We're gonna learn more about ourselves.
What's keeping me from not wanting to show up
or feeling like I have to show up a certain way?
This is all the discovering process.
All right.
And it's okay if you're like,
I've got a lot on my plate right now.
I need to put a pause.
You get to decide that.
You might need to just put a pause for two weeks.
And that's fine.
Just say, hey, you know,
he's messaging you every day after work
and just say, hey, I really am enjoying getting to know you.
When we go and have, you know,
when we get together,
it is a breath of fresh air
for me to spend some time with you.
I do have a lot going on in my life.
So I'm gonna have to scale back for a couple of weeks.
Would it be okay if we took a few days off of connecting?
You get, I mean, again,
you get to pray about what that boundary looks like.
That's just an example.
Me sharing that,
like you don't have to create that boundary that I shared.
I'm just giving an example.
You get to decide what works for you.
Okay, that makes sense.
And then, you know, ladies,
sometimes a pause is,
God just maybe wants us to pause for a week or two
and wants us to focus on something else.
Maybe he's like, no, I'm gonna stretch you in this season.
I'm gonna have you sit and like really prioritize,
like what is it that you're focusing on?
Where are you spending your time and attention?
Like whatever that looks like,
it's that intentionality.
It's that, I want you to, you know,
it's about getting curious.
We talked about that curiosity the last couple of weeks.
Get curious, not just get curious with other people,
but get curious with yourself.
Get curious with God.
God, what is it that you're trying to show me?
Ask good questions.
Like, God, what's going on inside of me?
I'm not sure how I feel about this person.
I'm not sure why I feel like I have to perform
and I don't wanna go on this date
because I don't, like,
I feel like I have to be someone I'm not.
Is that because like there's something about them
that makes me feel like I have to perform
for them specifically?
Or is it something that I'm putting on myself?
Where's that come from?
Do you see how now we're getting curious
and we're asking more questions?
We sit and get quiet with it.
And that's good.
Okay, thank you for that, helpful.
I had one other question.
I said we would go over, so, cause that's on me.
With online dating and talking to people,
sometimes I feel that I enjoy the conversation.
And then, for example, like I told one guy
that I like talking with him
and I would love to meet up in person.
Yeah.
And I guess I just didn't know,
was wondering how do you.
you, is that a good way to initiate without like asking him on a date or?
That's a drop in the hanky.
Like, I don't know.
I just get impatient of, I don't know.
I love that.
Like, cause we coach you and we encourage you ladies.
We don't want you sitting there having a pen pal for a week, more than a week.
We're not sitting there trying to have like, y'all are dating because
you want to date in real life.
Right?
We're not trying to have a pen pal, a little cyber buddy,
a little cyber chat buddy.
Right.
We're not trying to do that for three, four, five, six weeks.
I mean, no thanks.
Can't marry.
I mean, I know some people nowadays, I mean, that's a whole nother story.
Like, or getting married to AI and all sorts of stuff.
That's wonky to me, but we won't go there, but you're not like, we don't
encourage you ladies to do that.
We want you to shift over to those in-person dates, get to know them in real life.
All right.
So that's to me, just dropping the hanky.
Hey, I'm really like, you want to have a couple exchanges on an app or
through a text message or whatever.
You want a few exchanges, some, you know, high value surface level questions,
like get to know you sort of thing.
Some icebreakers, you know, those icebreakers that I shared in the
beginning that I'm like, put me in a panic sometimes, you want to
have a few of those exchanges.
Like, can this person carry a conversation?
Do I, am I curious to know more about them?
If the answer is yes, then it's like, Hey, I'm enjoying the conversation
and I'd like to get to know you better.
Why don't we set up a time to meet for coffee or, you know, if they're far away,
maybe we can jump on a video chat and have coffee that way.
Or, you know, if you have something that you both are interested in, like if you
both like me, maybe you both like gaming and you want to go to the arcade.
Hey, let's go to this arcade.
There's this like new place opening up.
Maybe you like nature and you both like hiking.
Just go to a public place.
Okay.
Ladies, don't, don't go somewhere private.
All right.
You can drop those hankies and let them know.
Um, or yeah, I just see, like Tim said, the Ohio, the Iowa state fair, state fairs.
That's going to be coming up y'all I'm originally from Indiana and in
September they have, Indiana has a good state fair, got corn, corn, grilled corn.
The cop missed that.
Um, so yeah, you can drop that hanky and then see if they pick that hanky up.
And if they don't and you've had to drop it once and then they're not picking it
up, you might want to try it one more time.
And if they ain't picking it up, Hey, thanks so much for, um, the, the couple
exchanges, I really appreciate, you know, the time getting to know you.
I'm looking to date in real life.
Um, I'm not sure if that seems, it doesn't seem like we're going in that direction.
So I want to wish you the best of luck.
You don't want to invest more time in something where that person isn't
initiating and reciprocating that same effort.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right, ladies.
Um, I'm going to go ahead and pray for us and then we will, uh, we'll
finish up, sound good.
All right.
And then I'll post the activation and I'll, I'll post, um, my coaching notes
later, and then there'll be the replay as well.
So heavenly father, I just thank you for reminding us today that we don't have to
perform Lord, we get to just show up and let ourselves shine.
You created us, you formed us.
And so, Lord, I just, I thank you for that reminder.
I thank you for the intentionality and for your faithfulness and shaping us
through every season, especially through the heartwork, Lord, Lord, I just ask that
you help each one of these ladies walk into this week with confidence, with joy,
with humility, with grace, and with trust that you've already given everything that
we need to show up as the women that you've created us to be, Lord, continue
to teach us.
show us heal us and grow us continue to help opening doors where we get to
create opportunities while trusting you with every single outcome we ask this in
Jesus mighty name amen all right ladies have a great Tuesday
we'll see you next week