WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.960 Welcome, welcome everyone. 2 00:00:05.960 --> 00:00:06.960 Welcome to Ask Jackie. 3 00:00:06.960 --> 00:00:12.200 This is going to be a hybrid of Ask Jackie and Modern Dating Sucks, which just means 4 00:00:12.200 --> 00:00:18.960 that I'm going to coach and answer your questions from the modality in my brand new book. 5 00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:22.800 If you have not gotten that book yet, you might want to get it. 6 00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:25.020 It's available on Amazon. 7 00:00:25.020 --> 00:00:28.560 It's also available on my website, JackieDorman.com. 8 00:00:28.560 --> 00:00:31.020 So grab it. 9 00:00:31.020 --> 00:00:37.260 All of you that are here tonight are all in our VIP community, so that means that you 10 00:00:37.260 --> 00:00:43.180 have been around for a while, so you're not new to me and you're not new to the things 11 00:00:43.180 --> 00:00:47.600 that we do here in Last Year Single, but you might be new to some of that information that's 12 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:48.960 in that book. 13 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:56.880 I am writing from a front row seat to so many love stories, to so many things that I see 14 00:00:57.180 --> 00:01:03.100 people do wrong over and over and over and over again, so I think that it is definitely 15 00:01:03.100 --> 00:01:04.099 worth a read. 16 00:01:04.099 --> 00:01:05.820 It's an easy read, just like all of my books. 17 00:01:05.820 --> 00:01:10.820 You guys, I write in a conversational tone, which means that I write in a way that you 18 00:01:10.820 --> 00:01:14.620 don't have to be smarter than a fifth grader to read, and it's probably going to sound 19 00:01:14.620 --> 00:01:16.740 just like me talking right now. 20 00:01:16.740 --> 00:01:19.220 I don't write in a way that I don't talk. 21 00:01:19.220 --> 00:01:22.980 In fact, often people say, Jackie, when I read your books, it sounds like you're just 22 00:01:22.980 --> 00:01:24.700 talking to me. 23 00:01:24.700 --> 00:01:26.220 And I'm like, I like that. 24 00:01:26.240 --> 00:01:27.240 That's what I want. 25 00:01:27.240 --> 00:01:30.920 If you are waiting for the Audible version to come out, I will probably have that done 26 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:33.120 by the end of summer. 27 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:35.600 I have a lot going on right now. 28 00:01:35.600 --> 00:01:37.520 You guys, we are finishing up. 29 00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:42.560 In fact, some of our master coaches flew into Austin, they are here right now, and we are 30 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:52.520 finishing up all of the stuff that needs to be finished up in order for us to launch the 31 00:01:52.520 --> 00:01:56.300 community-based matchmaking last year single app. 32 00:01:56.300 --> 00:01:58.160 So get excited about that. 33 00:01:58.160 --> 00:02:00.280 That is on the very near horizon. 34 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:01.680 It's not far in the future. 35 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.480 It's very close in the future. 36 00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:08.199 We are just deciding a few things here and there. 37 00:02:08.199 --> 00:02:14.520 And some of you that have been around for a while, and some of you that are brand new 38 00:02:14.520 --> 00:02:19.120 and are landing in a certain age group, we're going to be inviting some of you to weigh 39 00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:27.520 in on your favorite things about all kinds of different things, because we want to get 40 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:30.760 your feedback before we finish up. 41 00:02:30.760 --> 00:02:36.000 So if you get an email from us that says, Hey, you know, we would love for you to weigh 42 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:42.960 in, or we would love you to fill out this questionnaire, do it, do it. 43 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:44.440 You're like, but why me, Jackie? 44 00:02:44.440 --> 00:02:46.120 Why would I be picked for that? 45 00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:49.640 Because you might be the age that we need. 46 00:02:49.640 --> 00:02:52.040 You might have the story that we need. 47 00:02:52.040 --> 00:02:54.720 Maybe you're a single mom or single dad. 48 00:02:54.720 --> 00:02:55.980 Perhaps you're divorced. 49 00:02:55.980 --> 00:02:57.680 Perhaps you've never been married. 50 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:02.800 Perhaps you were impacted by the purity culture, I kiss dating goodbye culture. 51 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:07.280 Perhaps you have said more than one time that you have no success with apps. 52 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:10.400 Some of you have said that you have no community, you have no friends. 53 00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:15.560 And so if you have said anything in those categories and many, many more categories 54 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:20.420 in a live session, if you've made a comment like that on a live session, it's possible 55 00:03:20.420 --> 00:03:22.880 that we recorded that information. 56 00:03:22.880 --> 00:03:24.240 And now you're on our list. 57 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:25.240 Okay. 58 00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:29.860 In a good way, meaning that, Hey, we need to dig into that a little bit more. 59 00:03:29.860 --> 00:03:34.240 This app that we're releasing is going to solve the problems that modern singles have 60 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:35.760 when it comes to dating. 61 00:03:35.760 --> 00:03:37.640 We're not interested in putting out a dating app. 62 00:03:37.640 --> 00:03:40.960 People have been asking me for years, Jackie, are you going to put out a dating app? 63 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:42.280 When's your dating app coming out? 64 00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:43.280 Where's your dating app? 65 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:49.720 Now we do have a database spirit mate match, but I never wanted to put out a dating app. 66 00:03:49.720 --> 00:03:52.360 And the reason why is because people hate dating apps. 67 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:54.220 Why would I just want to put out a dating app? 68 00:03:54.220 --> 00:03:57.360 People don't like to date strangers on the internet. 69 00:03:57.360 --> 00:04:00.320 Am I right? 70 00:04:00.320 --> 00:04:01.600 People hate the apps. 71 00:04:01.600 --> 00:04:03.040 And so why would I want to do that? 72 00:04:03.040 --> 00:04:06.120 It's just recreating the wheel and a wheel that nobody likes. 73 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:10.360 And so I have no interest of doing that, but I do have an interest in bringing back the 74 00:04:10.360 --> 00:04:12.320 village, which I write about in my book. 75 00:04:12.360 --> 00:04:14.280 If you're like, what is she talking about? 76 00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:15.940 I write about bringing back the village. 77 00:04:15.940 --> 00:04:19.800 The thing that's wrong with modern dating is that we're missing the village. 78 00:04:19.800 --> 00:04:24.240 And so bringing back the village, bringing back the way that people have met other people 79 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:30.520 for centuries, and I'm going to bring that back and more via this new technology that 80 00:04:30.520 --> 00:04:32.940 you guys are going to have your hot little hands on. 81 00:04:32.940 --> 00:04:40.420 So if you even thought, even considered leaving this beautiful community in the next 60 days, 82 00:04:40.420 --> 00:04:45.420 I would put that on pause, honey, because this is going to be tested with all of you. 83 00:04:45.420 --> 00:04:50.060 And with what I call Jackie's list, we have a whole list of singles that we're involved 84 00:04:50.060 --> 00:04:55.180 with that are six degrees of separation from us. 85 00:04:55.180 --> 00:04:58.940 And we are going to be having a good time as we test this out. 86 00:04:58.940 --> 00:04:59.940 So you guys will be our test. 87 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:07.040 Subjects are little cute little guinea pigs and we're excited for that to happen. All right, so that's all my announcements for right now 88 00:05:08.340 --> 00:05:13.780 Let us jump into some ask Jackie if you're new and you just made it to VIP community. Welcome 89 00:05:14.040 --> 00:05:17.560 This is the session where you get to coach with me Jackie D 90 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:25.220 You get to ask me all of your questions about relationships about dating about men about women about God about the timeline 91 00:05:25.740 --> 00:05:29.620 About anything and everything about sex, whatever you want 92 00:05:29.620 --> 00:05:36.460 I'm here to answer your questions if I know the answer and if I don't know the answer, we'll have a good time 93 00:05:36.460 --> 00:05:43.180 just talking about it and trying to figure out the answer together and I'm going to be doing most of 94 00:05:43.460 --> 00:05:48.740 The answering from the philosophies in this book. This book is a very practical book 95 00:05:48.740 --> 00:05:52.980 It is a field guide to the wild wild west that is modern dating 96 00:05:52.980 --> 00:05:56.540 And so oh I want to tell you I'm doing one more book club 97 00:05:56.540 --> 00:06:02.560 This will be the third one and it's the last one for summer. So people talked about how 98 00:06:03.380 --> 00:06:07.740 Weekends were better for them than weeknights. And so we're trying this out 99 00:06:07.820 --> 00:06:14.980 We haven't really done this before for any of our book clubs, but Sunday evenings starting this Sunday on the 19th 100 00:06:15.420 --> 00:06:19.460 7 p.m. Central if you can't be there live you can't get the replay 101 00:06:19.540 --> 00:06:22.260 It is going to be the last book club of summer 102 00:06:22.420 --> 00:06:27.500 So if you've been putting it off, but you wanted to join but you put it off like I missed it 103 00:06:27.500 --> 00:06:33.900 I missed it Monday nights weren't good for me Tuesday nights weren't good for me. Guess what Sunday night starting on the 19th 104 00:06:33.900 --> 00:06:35.900 We would love to have you 105 00:06:36.220 --> 00:06:41.700 For those of you that took the book club or you're still in it. Go ahead and put some hearts some fire emojis 106 00:06:42.420 --> 00:06:48.340 Some thumbs up in the chat letting people know. Hey, it's a good time. I've met new people. I've learned new things 107 00:06:48.580 --> 00:06:50.580 I feel confident in 108 00:06:51.140 --> 00:06:58.820 my ability to get out there and be successful most of you are doing something that I call dating with a 109 00:06:59.340 --> 00:07:00.580 Daters 110 00:07:00.580 --> 00:07:05.380 Mindset you're dating from a dating mindset and I want to make you a matchmaker 111 00:07:05.660 --> 00:07:09.580 The reason why I'm a great matchmaker is because I have a matchmakers mindset 112 00:07:09.580 --> 00:07:13.300 I think like a matchmaker and even before when I was single 113 00:07:13.300 --> 00:07:19.940 I thought like a matchmaker God has given me a matchmakers mind meaning that I'm always looking for the connection 114 00:07:19.940 --> 00:07:25.980 I'm always looking for the thread to pull. I'm always looking to connect the dots and this is why I 115 00:07:26.580 --> 00:07:30.840 Have been successful at a lot of things not just pairing people together for them to get married 116 00:07:30.840 --> 00:07:33.460 But also pairing people with their brand new 117 00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:40.260 Stylus with a house that was for sale on the market with a job that they might have been looking for 118 00:07:40.260 --> 00:07:41.860 I'm a born connector 119 00:07:41.860 --> 00:07:44.540 That's what I do and some of you may have that gift as well 120 00:07:44.540 --> 00:07:48.860 But you're not using it or not thinking about using it for yourself in the area of your love life 121 00:07:49.300 --> 00:07:52.820 But I have always been someone who is looking out for other people 122 00:07:52.820 --> 00:07:57.700 I'm the person that's going to notice that someone has a tear in their eye and a crowd full of people 123 00:07:58.980 --> 00:08:00.820 I'm gonna notice that 124 00:08:00.820 --> 00:08:05.460 I'm gonna notice that someone seems lost or they seem confused or they don't know 125 00:08:05.540 --> 00:08:07.700 Doesn't seem like they know where they're going or what they're doing 126 00:08:07.700 --> 00:08:12.220 I'm the person that's gonna notice that someone needs help. Why because I'm a student of people 127 00:08:12.220 --> 00:08:14.940 I love people and you know, who else loves people God loves people 128 00:08:16.060 --> 00:08:21.420 And so that's what makes me a great matchmaker because I'm genuinely interested in other people 129 00:08:21.420 --> 00:08:25.820 But a lot of people walk through life with their head down or their head down looking at their phone 130 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:29.980 Part of the reason you're single possibly is because you're distracted 131 00:08:30.660 --> 00:08:33.500 You're not paying attention. You don't have your head up 132 00:08:33.740 --> 00:08:38.980 You're not embracing the world and or you're in crisis mode you're in 133 00:08:40.020 --> 00:08:42.900 Victim mode you're in survival mode 134 00:08:42.900 --> 00:08:47.140 And so when you're out in the world, all you're doing is trying to get through the day 135 00:08:47.140 --> 00:08:51.860 All you're doing is trying to survive. All you're doing is trying to make it safely back to your 136 00:08:52.500 --> 00:08:57.500 Isolation, whatever that is your house your condo your apartment your trailer down by the river 137 00:08:58.300 --> 00:09:02.820 Whatever it is that you're doing out there is just surviving 138 00:09:02.900 --> 00:09:07.120 So you're not paying a lot of attention to the people around you 139 00:09:07.780 --> 00:09:09.780 You're not noticing 140 00:09:10.260 --> 00:09:13.980 if people are looking at you or smiling at you or 141 00:09:14.740 --> 00:09:19.260 Noticing you or wondering about you. You're also not noticing the needs of other people 142 00:09:20.660 --> 00:09:26.280 Because you have unmet needs and you're trying to run through life 143 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.000 Focused on that and I get it 144 00:09:29.400 --> 00:09:34.600 When we get into survival mode we get into tunnel vision where it's really hard to see the needs of others 145 00:09:34.920 --> 00:09:39.600 Because we are in such desperate need ourselves and that makes a lot of sense you guys 146 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:43.160 That makes a lot of sense 147 00:09:45.280 --> 00:09:47.280 Okay 148 00:09:47.400 --> 00:09:49.560 All right friends, so I 149 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:55.200 Want you to not only become your own matchmaker. I mean God's the matchmaker, right? 150 00:09:55.480 --> 00:09:58.520 He's the ultimate matchmaker, but he works through people 151 00:09:59.040 --> 00:10:01.040 God works through 152 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.000 of people. So for all of you that are out there just trying to go it alone, just reading 153 00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:10.640 the signs like you're reading tea leaves, like you're reading palms, like you're reading 154 00:10:10.640 --> 00:10:18.280 crystal balls. You're like, what? Yeah. You're kind of like a Christian psychic. You're out 155 00:10:18.280 --> 00:10:24.360 here just like guessing at all of these things, these signs that you're seeing, the name on 156 00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:30.300 the side of the bus or this or that, you know, you're reading a lot into very little. 157 00:10:30.300 --> 00:10:34.120 And I want to encourage you to stop doing that and instead come into community like 158 00:10:34.120 --> 00:10:40.440 here and share the things that you think you're feeling or sensing so that other people can 159 00:10:40.440 --> 00:10:47.480 push back, namely your coaches, and help you from being out here doing something cray cray. 160 00:10:47.480 --> 00:10:52.520 Okay. Dating wasn't meant to happen in isolation. That's what this book is about. The village 161 00:10:52.520 --> 00:10:58.040 is going to keep you safe if you date within the village. Not meaning someone in the village, 162 00:10:58.040 --> 00:11:02.720 but you date in the village, meaning you bring whoever you're dating into the village and 163 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:11.020 you let the village take a good look at them. Take a look at them. Okay. It's important. 164 00:11:11.020 --> 00:11:19.880 Very, very important. All right. We're going to go ahead and start. There isn't anyone 165 00:11:19.880 --> 00:11:23.840 who has signed up to jump in the love seat as far as I know, but if you do want to jump 166 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:28.360 in a love seat, go ahead and raise your hand. Friends, I need you when you get in the love 167 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:33.960 seat and I call upon you and I highlight you. I need you to be very quick with your question. 168 00:11:33.960 --> 00:11:39.000 We cannot have 15 years of backstory because it just doesn't work. A lot of people want 169 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:43.840 to ask questions when we get on these sessions. All right. Uh, Vivian says, yes, Jackie noticed 170 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:48.120 when I got super emotional. Oh, I'm so glad that God was highlighting you that day, Vivian, 171 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:53.960 that you got spoken to. I love that. That's great. Does that then also tell us we're not 172 00:11:53.960 --> 00:11:57.880 ready to date yet? Jackie, if we are in that mode that you just described, well, here's 173 00:11:57.880 --> 00:12:02.720 the thing, Pauline, you can get ready real quickly. If you're just willing to embrace 174 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:09.040 new tools and a new operating system, friends getting ready, doesn't have to take a long 175 00:12:09.040 --> 00:12:15.560 time. If you are willing to allow someone to point out your blind spots so that we can 176 00:12:15.560 --> 00:12:20.200 just move forward, you're going to have to fail forward when it comes to anything in 177 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:27.120 life and dating included. Now, does that feel forward have to look like getting in bed with 178 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:31.280 someone and feeling humiliated and ashamed when they break up with you the next day? 179 00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:35.560 No. Does that feel forward have to look like giving someone some money because they said 180 00:12:35.560 --> 00:12:38.960 that they loved you and they were a scammer and they ran off with your money? No. Does 181 00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:44.280 it get failing forward look like getting in a relationship with someone who has no intention 182 00:12:44.280 --> 00:12:48.960 of, you know, it being a long-term relationship that's just using you for your money for this 183 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:54.200 or that, and then you're broken hearted and you're left at the end and it's just humiliating? 184 00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:58.160 No, that's not what fail forward should look like. That's not what it should look like 185 00:12:58.160 --> 00:13:03.280 at all. Fail forward looks like, Hey, you know, I went on a date and after two dates 186 00:13:03.280 --> 00:13:07.320 with the person, they, I noticed that there were some deal breakers and this person's 187 00:13:07.320 --> 00:13:15.440 just not my person. So I released them back to the wild, right? I blessed them. I left 188 00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:20.160 them better than I found them. Now, is it a failure as far as they're not a love connection? 189 00:13:20.160 --> 00:13:30.880 Yes. But are you moving forward? Yes. It's a failure kind of right, but it's also a win. 190 00:13:30.880 --> 00:13:36.480 It's a failure because they didn't end up being your spirit mate, but a wins a win. 191 00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:42.560 It was a win because you got some practice. You notice what you need and what you want. 192 00:13:42.560 --> 00:13:45.880 You release them. You found them, but you left them better than you found them and you 193 00:13:45.880 --> 00:13:52.660 got to move on. And so did they. It's good. It is good, good, good. Okay. Um, Paul needs 194 00:13:52.660 --> 00:13:56.040 access to the village. Well, that's good, Paul, because we'll be building the village 195 00:13:56.040 --> 00:14:02.240 now. Guys on this new platform, you'll be able to build your village and villagers will 196 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:10.280 actually be, um, not assigned to you, but they will be recommended to you. And because 197 00:14:10.280 --> 00:14:15.560 remember friends, this is not just about your spirit mate, healthy marriages, strong marriages 198 00:14:15.560 --> 00:14:22.360 happen in healthy, strong communities. And so we are creating a healthy, strong community 199 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:28.520 here at last year single. And we have been for a long time. All right. Melissa Dawn has 200 00:14:28.520 --> 00:14:33.120 her hand up. So Melissa, I'm going to go ahead and throw you in the love seat. And 201 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:41.760 then we are going to answer your question. Hi, Melissa. What do you got? Hi. Um, well, 202 00:14:41.760 --> 00:14:47.640 um, I just, I really appreciate this, um, man of God that I've been getting to know. 203 00:14:47.640 --> 00:14:55.000 I have a lot of admiration for him and respect. And, um, and so like I could list off probably 204 00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:59.960 25 things that I appreciate about his character, including empathy. 205 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.380 the emotional intelligence, faithfulness, 206 00:15:02.380 --> 00:15:04.620 kindheartedness, warmth, on and on. 207 00:15:04.620 --> 00:15:05.980 He's a godly guy. 208 00:15:05.980 --> 00:15:07.820 He's amazing. 209 00:15:07.820 --> 00:15:12.140 And so it's kind of odd to me that I 210 00:15:12.140 --> 00:15:15.060 don't feel more excited. 211 00:15:15.060 --> 00:15:18.540 And I'm not sure why that is. 212 00:15:18.540 --> 00:15:24.180 I think part of it potentially might be our personalities, 213 00:15:24.180 --> 00:15:26.880 which I realize there are lots of different kinds of people 214 00:15:26.880 --> 00:15:30.680 that can combine and every relationship is unique. 215 00:15:30.680 --> 00:15:36.680 However, I feel like the gap on the Myers-Briggs 216 00:15:36.680 --> 00:15:41.360 between intuitive versus sensing is rather stark. 217 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:43.680 And I'm very intuitive. 218 00:15:43.680 --> 00:15:47.880 And he's extremely strong on the S of the sensing. 219 00:15:47.880 --> 00:15:53.080 And so I guess I always want to be very careful 220 00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:54.320 with people's hearts. 221 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:57.560 And he's very, very into me. 222 00:15:57.560 --> 00:15:59.680 And I admire and respect him a lot. 223 00:15:59.680 --> 00:16:01.960 And I think he has great character 224 00:16:01.960 --> 00:16:05.320 and many wonderful things I could say about him. 225 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:08.000 OK, so let's go ahead and just jump in here 226 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:08.880 and ask this, Melissa. 227 00:16:08.880 --> 00:16:12.440 So how long have you been talking to him? 228 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:19.600 OK, so I have been speaking with him for, well, since May 28. 229 00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:22.840 So roughly six or almost seven weeks. 230 00:16:22.840 --> 00:16:29.400 And we've logged 91 hours of in-person time together. 231 00:16:29.400 --> 00:16:32.040 It's long distance. 232 00:16:32.040 --> 00:16:34.520 But we're both very intentional people. 233 00:16:34.520 --> 00:16:39.640 And so he's been to Texas to see me. 234 00:16:39.640 --> 00:16:42.400 And I've been to his state to see him. 235 00:16:42.400 --> 00:16:48.680 And yeah, so we've logged a good amount of in-person time. 236 00:16:48.680 --> 00:16:52.160 OK, 91 hours over how many actual in-person visits? 237 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:56.160 Was this just like a marathon, two marathon weekends or what? 238 00:16:56.160 --> 00:16:57.720 Yeah, definitely. 239 00:16:57.720 --> 00:17:01.000 Because of my availability in the summer is quite different. 240 00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:05.079 And so we're kind of making the most of the time 241 00:17:05.079 --> 00:17:09.079 that I will not be super stressed out with my job. 242 00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:11.119 OK, let me ask you a question about yourself. 243 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:12.240 You just have to remind me. 244 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:14.000 There's a lot of people in this community. 245 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:14.800 Oh, totally, yeah. 246 00:17:14.800 --> 00:17:16.920 Have you ever been married before? 247 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:18.920 I have never been married. 248 00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:21.119 I'm single, never married, no kids. 249 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:23.760 And he is the same. 250 00:17:23.760 --> 00:17:24.680 He's what? 251 00:17:24.680 --> 00:17:27.800 He's also been in the same situation. 252 00:17:27.800 --> 00:17:34.240 OK, so are you, OK, so forget the intuitive sensing thing. 253 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:35.560 Are you attracted to this guy? 254 00:17:35.560 --> 00:17:38.640 Are you physically attracted to him? 255 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:42.240 I think he's an attractive man. 256 00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:46.600 OK, I'm going to, my question, I love you. 257 00:17:46.600 --> 00:17:48.000 You're a beautiful woman. 258 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:50.880 Are you physically attracted to him? 259 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:53.600 I am attracted to him. 260 00:17:53.600 --> 00:17:56.840 I just, he feels a lot, I think what it is, Jackie, 261 00:17:56.840 --> 00:18:00.520 is he feels and looks a lot older, 262 00:18:00.520 --> 00:18:03.000 even though he's technically younger than I am. 263 00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:05.680 And so I just feel kind of old with him, 264 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.560 even though I don't normally feel old. 265 00:18:08.560 --> 00:18:11.760 Is he boring? 266 00:18:11.760 --> 00:18:15.040 I hesitate to say that word because. 267 00:18:15.040 --> 00:18:16.320 I already wrote it down. 268 00:18:16.320 --> 00:18:16.800 OK. 269 00:18:16.800 --> 00:18:18.280 This is always what I run into. 270 00:18:18.280 --> 00:18:19.600 You're bored. 271 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:21.120 I'm trying not to. 272 00:18:21.120 --> 00:18:23.120 He's sensing and I'm intuitive. 273 00:18:23.120 --> 00:18:26.120 What you're really saying is I'm spontaneous and fun 274 00:18:26.120 --> 00:18:27.360 and he's not. 275 00:18:27.360 --> 00:18:32.080 And so what are we going to do? 276 00:18:32.080 --> 00:18:34.680 Does he have another side to him? 277 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:37.360 He could be putting this side out. 278 00:18:37.360 --> 00:18:40.160 Can you ask him if he has another side to him? 279 00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:41.960 Would you be interested in seeing maybe 280 00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:46.040 a more fun, lighthearted, more go 281 00:18:46.040 --> 00:18:50.280 with the flow, spontaneous side of this guy? 282 00:18:50.280 --> 00:18:51.360 I would. 283 00:18:51.360 --> 00:18:54.240 And I will tell you that he does have a fun side 284 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:56.040 and it has come out. 285 00:18:56.040 --> 00:19:01.720 I just think that I tend to be very, 286 00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:08.000 like I'm a very deep, abstract, intuitive, intellectual, 287 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:10.480 kind of also playful person. 288 00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:14.400 Like I have a wide range and he's much more like systematic 289 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:17.400 and I want to tell you something really important 290 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:20.800 because you're a woman and some of what you're talking about 291 00:19:20.800 --> 00:19:21.960 are men. 292 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:24.440 Oh, yeah. 293 00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:27.200 This is what ladies, all of you that are like Melissa, 294 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.880 please listen. 295 00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:31.720 She is describing some of the things that she is describing, 296 00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:34.240 not that men can't be contemplative because they can't, 297 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.960 not that men are not intelligent because they are, 298 00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:42.200 but the deep wanting someone to go deep into emotional places 299 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:46.240 with you, in intuitive places, even spiritual places. 300 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:50.200 A lot of women really are looking for this in a man, 301 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:54.960 but it is a very spiritually feminine quality. 302 00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:56.760 Okay, it's a very spiritual feminine quality. 303 00:19:56.760 --> 00:20:00.000 And I find that a lot of my super, super deep 304 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:09.440 clients have a real hard time feeling attached or emotionally attracted to people who can't 305 00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:12.420 meet them in those deep reservoirs. 306 00:20:12.420 --> 00:20:17.680 And I just want to let you know that actually that wouldn't make a good spouse for you. 307 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:21.680 You need someone who's going to kind of watch out on the surface a little bit. 308 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:23.640 Not that they're, they need to be able to understand you. 309 00:20:23.640 --> 00:20:27.360 They need to be able to not judge you for going into these deep places thinking that 310 00:20:27.360 --> 00:20:32.340 you're too dramatic or you're too serious or you're too deep. 311 00:20:32.340 --> 00:20:37.400 You need someone who's going to appreciate and value this trait about you, but it's better 312 00:20:37.400 --> 00:20:40.240 to have a complimentary opposite than a twin. 313 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:41.240 Okay. 314 00:20:41.240 --> 00:20:45.200 But you know what I'm going to say to you, Melissa, is that sometimes at the beginning 315 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:50.480 of getting to know someone, it's hard to feel that connection that you're looking for because 316 00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:55.360 this is how you process connection. 317 00:20:55.360 --> 00:20:56.360 You know what I'm saying? 318 00:20:56.360 --> 00:21:00.240 So it's going to seem a little, maybe boring wasn't the right word, it's going to seem 319 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:01.240 a little shallow. 320 00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:02.240 Okay. 321 00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:08.040 You know, it's going to seem a little surface, maybe it's going to seem like, Hey, is there 322 00:21:08.040 --> 00:21:09.200 anything more here? 323 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:11.100 Is there any more depth here? 324 00:21:11.100 --> 00:21:18.360 You know, and I want to encourage you to find out if there are, you know, ask this man to 325 00:21:18.360 --> 00:21:20.680 meet you in some deep places. 326 00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:25.720 Now that you guys have logged 91 in person hours and you said you're both intentional, 327 00:21:26.080 --> 00:21:32.480 I would encourage you to see if he can share some deep stuff with you about how he feels 328 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:35.800 and about, you know, things that have happened in his life. 329 00:21:35.800 --> 00:21:37.480 That's appropriate here, friends. 330 00:21:37.480 --> 00:21:42.240 Those of you that go deep and you meet other deep people on dates and you go deep too fast 331 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:45.600 and you're sharing all of your hopes and dreams and everything you've ever felt and you're 332 00:21:45.600 --> 00:21:50.760 going to these deep, deep, deep, intimate places in conversation that can blow up in 333 00:21:50.760 --> 00:21:56.120 your face pretty quick because that is, um, you know, the boundaries are not really great 334 00:21:56.120 --> 00:21:57.800 in that situation. 335 00:21:57.800 --> 00:22:03.440 So I, my instinct says, Melissa, that you should not throw this fish back right now 336 00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:09.600 that you should just see if this, you know, if you can go, if you guys can go deeper together, 337 00:22:09.600 --> 00:22:11.400 kind of invite some depth. 338 00:22:11.400 --> 00:22:17.680 Now I did hear your heart when you said he likes me more than I like him at this point 339 00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:21.160 and you don't want to hurt him or break his heart. 340 00:22:21.160 --> 00:22:22.160 Exactly. 341 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:26.680 I feel incredibly, I know I shouldn't feel responsible, but I'm just very sensitive to 342 00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:32.840 like being very careful with people's hearts because he has a very amazing heart and I 343 00:22:32.840 --> 00:22:38.400 just want to be a part of blessing him and not needlessly hurting him. 344 00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:43.360 And this is, but this is exactly why you do not need a sensitive man as your husband. 345 00:22:43.360 --> 00:22:46.040 Too sensitive people, not good. 346 00:22:46.040 --> 00:22:47.040 Not good. 347 00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:48.400 That's the most sensitive part though. 348 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:52.960 It's, but he is very, I mean, in the way that you're sensitive, we don't want that in a 349 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:53.960 man. 350 00:22:53.960 --> 00:22:54.960 Okay. 351 00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:55.960 Okay. 352 00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:59.240 Not when we're like that, we need the complimentary opposite. 353 00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:03.880 Now when you say he's kind of older, is that the vibe he gives off or he just straight up 354 00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:04.880 looks older? 355 00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:07.600 Like he's been left out in the sun for a little too long. 356 00:23:07.600 --> 00:23:14.880 Well, um, he's a very attractive man, um, but he does, he, he is actually younger than 357 00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:20.360 I am, but he looks older because what way, the way he dresses, the way he carries himself 358 00:23:20.360 --> 00:23:27.280 or just his straight up skin, he has some sunspots, he has gray hair, um, he has more 359 00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:28.280 wrinkles. 360 00:23:28.280 --> 00:23:31.880 Um, and I know I sell, feel very superficial mentioning these things. 361 00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:36.220 Um, well, that's why I said been left on the sun too long because if people look older 362 00:23:36.220 --> 00:23:41.440 than they are normally is because of, you know, their come from a nationality that sun 363 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:44.120 damages their skin quicker. 364 00:23:44.360 --> 00:23:45.360 Okay. 365 00:23:45.360 --> 00:23:46.360 No, it is true. 366 00:23:46.360 --> 00:23:49.360 I mean, wrinkles friends, if you have a lot of wrinkles, you probably put the baby oil 367 00:23:49.360 --> 00:23:52.320 on when you were a kid and you were out in the sun a lot. 368 00:23:52.320 --> 00:23:57.560 And it just, people always ask me why I look so young because I don't go in the sun. 369 00:23:57.560 --> 00:23:59.080 I don't bake in the sun. 370 00:23:59.080 --> 00:24:00.080 That's why. 371 00:24:00.080 --> 00:24:05.720 Um, so a lot of what you're talking about can be reversed. 372 00:24:05.720 --> 00:24:09.520 It can be reversed with, you know, a little BBL laser for the sunspots. 373 00:24:09.520 --> 00:24:13.240 It can be reversed with a little eye cream, the gray hair. 374 00:24:13.360 --> 00:24:17.160 We don't, we don't like men to dye their hair, but you know, it could be, you know, there 375 00:24:17.160 --> 00:24:19.400 could be a little zhuzh going on there. 376 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:23.560 All I'm saying is, is that if that's the only thing, cause you said he is attractive and 377 00:24:23.560 --> 00:24:25.560 you are attracted to him. 378 00:24:25.560 --> 00:24:27.280 You just can't get deep with him. 379 00:24:27.280 --> 00:24:32.040 And getting deep is how you really feel safe and like really attracted. 380 00:24:32.040 --> 00:24:33.040 Right. 381 00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:34.040 And that's happened. 382 00:24:34.040 --> 00:24:37.680 I want to be clear, Jackie, I think you're on point about this, but we have connected 383 00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:39.680 deeply in person. 384 00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:45.680 And that's more like when we're like face-to-face chatting, but whenever he's like in the normal 385 00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:51.000 mode moving through the world, he's very like point A to B to C, which is fine. 386 00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:56.000 I think that's just his being a man, which I respect and have space for. 387 00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:59.120 But I just think that sometimes like, just like. 388 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.720 Sometimes it's hard to connect. 389 00:25:01.720 --> 00:25:03.880 A lot of times it's good and fine, 390 00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.400 but then there's like the very long, awkward conversation. 391 00:25:07.400 --> 00:25:08.760 And I don't know if it's true. 392 00:25:08.760 --> 00:25:11.500 Melissa, you're just talking about, 393 00:25:11.500 --> 00:25:13.120 you're just talking about the pitfalls 394 00:25:13.120 --> 00:25:14.800 of long distance right now. 395 00:25:14.800 --> 00:25:16.120 Is that it? 396 00:25:16.120 --> 00:25:18.360 That's where this coaching call has now evolved to. 397 00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:21.160 Friends, you see how we kept talking 398 00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:23.280 and you know, Melissa and I did, 399 00:25:23.280 --> 00:25:25.640 and we kept hitting on some things, 400 00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:28.440 but the more information that Melissa shares, 401 00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:30.160 the more that we see that 402 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:32.520 this is just a long distance situation. 403 00:25:32.520 --> 00:25:34.880 Cause she said, when he's in person, 404 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:36.560 we're able to go deeper. 405 00:25:36.560 --> 00:25:39.380 You know, I like what's happening when we're in person. 406 00:25:39.380 --> 00:25:40.880 You know, I feel connected to him, 407 00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:42.440 but all the other time, 408 00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:45.020 which is the longer portion of time, 409 00:25:45.020 --> 00:25:47.680 when he is not, you know, he's from point, 410 00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:48.580 he's all business. 411 00:25:48.580 --> 00:25:51.460 He's from point A to point B, you know, 412 00:25:51.460 --> 00:25:53.800 so many people, Melissa, hate talking on the phone. 413 00:25:53.800 --> 00:25:55.520 They do not feel like they can really connect 414 00:25:55.520 --> 00:25:56.400 talking on the phone. 415 00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:57.300 I'm one of those people. 416 00:25:57.300 --> 00:25:58.500 Please don't call me on the phone. 417 00:25:58.500 --> 00:25:59.820 I don't like to talk on the phone. 418 00:25:59.820 --> 00:26:04.240 And so he is showing you who he is in person, 419 00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:07.560 but so many people are not good texters. 420 00:26:07.560 --> 00:26:09.940 They're not good electronic communicators. 421 00:26:09.940 --> 00:26:11.580 They're not good on the phone. 422 00:26:11.580 --> 00:26:14.380 It just becomes awkward and stale. 423 00:26:14.380 --> 00:26:18.100 So it really sounds like that's what you're running into. 424 00:26:18.100 --> 00:26:20.180 Can you please tell me again the distance between you? 425 00:26:20.180 --> 00:26:21.020 Where do you live? 426 00:26:21.020 --> 00:26:21.980 You live in Texas. 427 00:26:21.980 --> 00:26:22.820 Where does he live? 428 00:26:23.420 --> 00:26:28.260 And he is like Northwest, in the Northwest. 429 00:26:28.260 --> 00:26:31.260 And then I'm actually gonna be in PA, 430 00:26:31.260 --> 00:26:33.760 which is where I spend part of the year, 431 00:26:33.760 --> 00:26:36.260 is in Pennsylvania, so. 432 00:26:36.260 --> 00:26:38.260 But he's already planning to come see me. 433 00:26:38.260 --> 00:26:40.420 And so he's incredibly dedicated. 434 00:26:40.420 --> 00:26:42.980 How close will you be to him when you're up there? 435 00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:46.260 In PA, we'll be opposite. 436 00:26:46.260 --> 00:26:47.340 He's Northwest. 437 00:26:47.340 --> 00:26:48.180 He's Northwest. 438 00:26:48.180 --> 00:26:49.020 Okay. 439 00:26:49.020 --> 00:26:50.900 He's gonna come and see you there. 440 00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:51.740 Correct. 441 00:26:51.740 --> 00:26:53.940 Yeah, he already booked a flight and everything. 442 00:26:53.940 --> 00:26:57.460 And I have, yeah, so. 443 00:27:00.260 --> 00:27:01.580 Here's the good news. 444 00:27:01.580 --> 00:27:02.420 Yeah. 445 00:27:02.420 --> 00:27:04.980 Everyone that is even thinking about doing long distance, 446 00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:05.900 please listen up. 447 00:27:07.300 --> 00:27:11.620 My thoughts on long distance have really, really expanded 448 00:27:11.620 --> 00:27:12.700 in the last six years, 449 00:27:12.700 --> 00:27:14.860 because I have walked so many people 450 00:27:14.860 --> 00:27:16.500 through long distance connections, 451 00:27:16.500 --> 00:27:19.780 and then courtships, and then marriages. 452 00:27:19.780 --> 00:27:23.100 And here are my hard, fast rules for long distance. 453 00:27:23.100 --> 00:27:27.540 You cannot get super, super serious, 454 00:27:27.540 --> 00:27:30.940 meaning engaged, planning the future, 455 00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:35.940 with someone that you do not do life with in person 456 00:27:36.300 --> 00:27:38.420 for a season of time. 457 00:27:38.420 --> 00:27:40.260 Meaning that someone, 458 00:27:40.260 --> 00:27:44.100 so say Melissa and this man continue to talk, 459 00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:46.040 continue to visit with each other, 460 00:27:46.040 --> 00:27:50.440 decide that, hey, this is headed towards marriage. 461 00:27:50.440 --> 00:27:54.560 They can't even begin to really dig into that, 462 00:27:54.560 --> 00:27:56.360 talk about that, plan that, 463 00:27:56.360 --> 00:28:00.000 unless one of them is able to move, 464 00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:02.600 even temporarily, to where the other person lives, 465 00:28:02.600 --> 00:28:05.840 and they do in-person, everyday life together. 466 00:28:05.840 --> 00:28:07.440 That is a non-negotiable for me. 467 00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:08.560 And you wanna know why? 468 00:28:08.560 --> 00:28:11.240 Because I have seen way too many times 469 00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:16.240 people not truly get to know or know this person 470 00:28:19.040 --> 00:28:24.040 enough to a place where after they get married, 471 00:28:24.600 --> 00:28:28.760 it doesn't become a train wreck, okay? 472 00:28:28.760 --> 00:28:31.200 I'm just telling you, in-person hits differently. 473 00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:34.460 Even marathon dates are not going to make up for that. 474 00:28:34.460 --> 00:28:36.000 Day in and day out, 475 00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:39.560 people cannot hide crazy for long periods of time. 476 00:28:39.560 --> 00:28:42.160 Day in and day out has to be what it is, 477 00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:44.480 getting to know their community, 478 00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:47.880 getting to know where they live and where they go to church 479 00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:49.960 and what other people think of them, 480 00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:53.040 vital in long distance relationship. 481 00:28:53.040 --> 00:28:55.020 So are either of you remote? 482 00:28:56.200 --> 00:29:00.280 I mean, well, he is open to moving where I am, 483 00:29:00.280 --> 00:29:03.380 and I've actually already met some of his community, 484 00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:05.880 including mentors, close friends. 485 00:29:05.880 --> 00:29:08.240 They're all very godly and think highly of him. 486 00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:11.200 And he's about to meet some of my community 487 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:14.440 and my people that I've walked very deeply with 488 00:29:14.440 --> 00:29:16.200 the whole time I've been in Pennsylvania. 489 00:29:16.200 --> 00:29:20.200 So we are dating in a healthy community, 490 00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:21.640 given the distance. 491 00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:25.560 And so, I mean, I feel like we're doing what we can do. 492 00:29:25.560 --> 00:29:28.760 And I have, he's like, I never get tired of you. 493 00:29:29.840 --> 00:29:30.680 Well, of course not. 494 00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:31.680 You guys barely know each other. 495 00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:32.880 It's only been a couple months 496 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:34.720 and you've only had two marathon dates. 497 00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:38.460 My question to you is, are either one of you remote? 498 00:29:40.320 --> 00:29:41.160 He could be. 499 00:29:41.160 --> 00:29:42.000 With your jobs. 500 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:42.960 I'm not. 501 00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:46.200 I mean, in the summers, I'm able to be location independent, 502 00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:48.480 which is why I've taken advantage of the summer 503 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.840 to spend an extended amount of time 504 00:29:50.840 --> 00:29:52.360 in the Northwest where he is. 505 00:29:52.360 --> 00:29:56.240 But like, and then he's gonna come 506 00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:58.240 before I start my work in the fall. 507 00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:00.160 He's coming for like probably. 508 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.540 four or five days in like before, like in a few weeks, 509 00:30:04.540 --> 00:30:08.800 couple of weeks from now to spend extended amounts of time. 510 00:30:08.800 --> 00:30:10.080 There's breaks. 511 00:30:10.080 --> 00:30:11.840 What's the extended amount of time? 512 00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:16.800 Well, I think it's about over four days, maybe five days. 513 00:30:16.800 --> 00:30:20.340 And then I have a time where I could spend 514 00:30:20.340 --> 00:30:22.760 two or three weeks at a time. 515 00:30:22.760 --> 00:30:27.760 Like I can be flexible on that and work from other places. 516 00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:30.800 Two or three weeks, four weeks, five weeks. 517 00:30:30.800 --> 00:30:32.040 You guys, this is what I'm talking about. 518 00:30:32.040 --> 00:30:33.820 This is not just Melissa Dawn that I'm talking to. 519 00:30:33.820 --> 00:30:36.800 I'm talking to all of y'all, okay? 520 00:30:36.800 --> 00:30:38.360 We're not talking about four or five days. 521 00:30:38.360 --> 00:30:39.200 That's great. 522 00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:41.920 And long distance, I love it that they're seeing 523 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:44.600 each other a lot more than a lot of people do. 524 00:30:44.600 --> 00:30:47.800 But if you really want to build connection, 525 00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:51.740 if you really want to see if this is your person, 526 00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.040 like really your person, you know, you have to, 527 00:30:56.040 --> 00:30:59.160 at minimum, you know, be spending two to three weeks, 528 00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:00.480 you know, doing life with them. 529 00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:02.080 Their regular life. 530 00:31:02.080 --> 00:31:03.740 You guys, this is not an episode of The Bachelor 531 00:31:03.740 --> 00:31:05.520 where we make it a vacation 532 00:31:05.520 --> 00:31:07.200 and we're doing all kinds of things. 533 00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:09.440 No, whatever it is that they regularly do, 534 00:31:09.440 --> 00:31:11.360 we call it chore-mancing. 535 00:31:11.360 --> 00:31:13.480 You know, it's romancing your chores. 536 00:31:13.480 --> 00:31:15.820 You know, going to their grocery store with them, 537 00:31:15.820 --> 00:31:17.220 you know, hanging out with their friends, 538 00:31:17.220 --> 00:31:19.480 going to their church, doing their things. 539 00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:21.640 You know, not that you're gonna relocate to him 540 00:31:21.640 --> 00:31:22.960 or he's gonna relocate to you. 541 00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:24.800 That doesn't even have to be decided right now. 542 00:31:24.800 --> 00:31:28.120 Both of you need to be open to, regardless, 543 00:31:28.120 --> 00:31:30.000 unless there's shared parenting, you guys. 544 00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.440 And then, you know, if you're not moving 545 00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:33.960 to where that person is, then you can't be with them 546 00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:35.960 because they're not gonna give up their kids for you. 547 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:36.960 All right? 548 00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:39.320 I've seen people try to give up their kids for a match. 549 00:31:39.320 --> 00:31:42.320 And please, please, please, please don't do that. 550 00:31:42.320 --> 00:31:43.220 But chore-mancing. 551 00:31:43.220 --> 00:31:45.600 So regular, boring, everyday life. 552 00:31:45.600 --> 00:31:49.160 What's it gonna look like to be together? 553 00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:52.040 You know, how do they keep their house? 554 00:31:52.040 --> 00:31:53.680 Not that you're gonna be living at their house. 555 00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:56.200 And here's how you make this more inexpensive. 556 00:31:56.200 --> 00:32:00.680 If they do have community, family, someone can put you up. 557 00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:02.760 You can live in an extra bedroom 558 00:32:02.760 --> 00:32:07.320 in someone's house for two or three weeks. 559 00:32:07.320 --> 00:32:09.880 And, or, you know, you guys can split the cost 560 00:32:09.880 --> 00:32:12.100 of an Airbnb or something like that. 561 00:32:12.100 --> 00:32:13.800 I do not recommend, we do have, 562 00:32:13.800 --> 00:32:15.100 we have people that have done this, 563 00:32:15.100 --> 00:32:17.960 but I do not recommend, I know you're all adults. 564 00:32:17.960 --> 00:32:20.720 So if you do this, it's on you. 565 00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:22.560 Like, I'm not saying that it's bad. 566 00:32:22.560 --> 00:32:24.840 I'm not saying that it's evil or a sin, 567 00:32:24.840 --> 00:32:26.720 but I do know people who have even stayed 568 00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:30.320 in extra bedrooms in the person's house. 569 00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:33.400 Y'all know that that could be a slippery, slippery slope. 570 00:32:33.400 --> 00:32:36.080 So you know yourself, you make that decision. 571 00:32:36.080 --> 00:32:38.560 But the bottom line is, is that two to three weeks 572 00:32:38.560 --> 00:32:41.840 at a time, doing regular life together, 573 00:32:41.840 --> 00:32:45.520 seeing how they, if they're a parent, how do they parent? 574 00:32:45.520 --> 00:32:47.640 What's their parenting style look like? 575 00:32:47.640 --> 00:32:49.600 I have so many couples that are married now 576 00:32:49.600 --> 00:32:51.560 that the biggest fights they have 577 00:32:51.560 --> 00:32:54.200 are they just really didn't, 578 00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:56.800 do not like the way this other person's parenting. 579 00:32:57.840 --> 00:33:00.520 They don't like it, even though they don't have kids. 580 00:33:00.520 --> 00:33:02.680 They just don't like the way this person's parenting. 581 00:33:02.680 --> 00:33:04.660 It's a constant battle. 582 00:33:04.660 --> 00:33:06.220 They don't like the way this person lives. 583 00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:09.080 They don't like their habits, whether it's cleanliness, 584 00:33:09.080 --> 00:33:12.160 whether it's, you know, we have people that get married 585 00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:14.320 where they've just been single for such a long time. 586 00:33:14.320 --> 00:33:17.040 They go to bed at 8.30 and you got this other person 587 00:33:17.040 --> 00:33:19.440 that's going to bed at 12, one o'clock in the morning. 588 00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:20.640 You're like, Jackie, that's a little thing. 589 00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:22.560 People need to get over that, but they don't, 590 00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:23.640 they don't get over it. 591 00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:26.920 And so, Melissa, I think this sounds great. 592 00:33:26.920 --> 00:33:29.760 I think that this guy sounds, did you take the book club? 593 00:33:31.400 --> 00:33:33.400 I have not, but I've read practically 594 00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:35.720 most of the book at this point. 595 00:33:35.720 --> 00:33:36.560 Okay. 596 00:33:36.560 --> 00:33:39.320 I feel like he has your non-negotiables. 597 00:33:39.320 --> 00:33:40.160 Yeah. 598 00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:40.980 That's what I was going to say. 599 00:33:40.980 --> 00:33:41.820 Yeah. 600 00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:44.600 I would say, and yes, his character is remarkable 601 00:33:44.600 --> 00:33:46.600 and it's very rare for me to find someone 602 00:33:46.600 --> 00:33:49.920 who challenges me in a healthy way. 603 00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:53.360 And I appreciate that a lot and respect that a lot. 604 00:33:53.360 --> 00:33:54.200 So. 605 00:33:55.280 --> 00:33:56.120 Yeah. 606 00:33:56.120 --> 00:33:58.800 I think that that's, that's super important. 607 00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:00.080 He's being very masculine. 608 00:34:00.080 --> 00:34:02.080 Like the three Ms are solid, you know? 609 00:34:02.080 --> 00:34:02.920 So I'm like. 610 00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:03.740 That's great. 611 00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:05.040 You need that. 612 00:34:05.040 --> 00:34:07.000 That's stuff that you need. 613 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:09.639 And the other stuff, the superficial stuff, 614 00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:10.600 don't even worry about that. 615 00:34:10.600 --> 00:34:11.420 We can fix that. 616 00:34:11.420 --> 00:34:12.320 You said he's attractive. 617 00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:13.960 You know, he's got a little wear and tear. 618 00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:16.080 We can, we can deal with that. 619 00:34:16.080 --> 00:34:17.360 The stuff you're talking about, 620 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:19.520 as far as him not being deep and intentional 621 00:34:19.520 --> 00:34:21.960 when you guys are apart, that's just, 622 00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:23.360 that's just long distance. 623 00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:26.679 Long distance is super, super hard. 624 00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:28.620 Okay. 625 00:34:28.620 --> 00:34:33.620 And so I see a lot of really good green lights here. 626 00:34:34.040 --> 00:34:36.800 So I hope that you decide to continue to give him a chance 627 00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:38.560 because it sounds great. 628 00:34:38.560 --> 00:34:39.400 Thank you, Jackie. 629 00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:40.520 I really appreciate that. 630 00:34:40.520 --> 00:34:42.000 It means a lot coming from you. 631 00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:45.360 And I, I felt a temptation to like give up yesterday 632 00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:47.840 because our one conversation was so boring. 633 00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:49.199 I'm like, I'm not a quitter. 634 00:34:49.199 --> 00:34:50.520 Like, I don't just quit. 635 00:34:50.520 --> 00:34:53.080 And so I'm like, just go through the awkwardness. 636 00:34:53.080 --> 00:34:55.400 Just embrace the weirdness of dating 637 00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:56.960 because we're weird humans. 638 00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:59.680 And when you get distance, he is very intentional. 639 00:34:59.680 --> 00:35:00.520 He's doing it. 640 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.000 doing a great job. He's a man of God. He has so much that I 641 00:35:04.040 --> 00:35:05.920 but you said it's not boring in person. 642 00:35:06.920 --> 00:35:10.960 It's not it's peaceful. It's calm. And it's more connected. 643 00:35:11.040 --> 00:35:12.840 It's just, I think 644 00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:15.400 and it's fun. You said he's fun. He's fun in person. 645 00:35:15.520 --> 00:35:18.880 can be fun. I'm more fun to be honest, but he's fun, too. 646 00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:23.120 Okay, so it's important that you let him know at this juncture, 647 00:35:23.120 --> 00:35:26.160 especially since he's falling for you. You need to start to 648 00:35:26.160 --> 00:35:28.680 communicate your needs. Okay. 649 00:35:29.160 --> 00:35:32.280 Now, if you guys have to play games on your long distance 650 00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:35.920 phone calls, if you guys have to, you know, watch a movie 651 00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:38.440 together, if you have to, you need to play games, if you need 652 00:35:38.440 --> 00:35:41.440 to go on a date where you know, you just take him with you and 653 00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:43.440 you're talking to him on the date, you guys are both going 654 00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:46.440 hiking, whatever. There's all kinds of websites out there that 655 00:35:46.440 --> 00:35:49.280 give ideas for long distance dating as far as like things you 656 00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:53.800 can do like over technology together. Do it to spice it up, 657 00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:56.480 make it fun. You know, there's cards, you can ask each other 658 00:35:56.480 --> 00:35:59.600 questions, there's all kinds of things, but let him know, Hey, 659 00:36:00.120 --> 00:36:03.440 you know, I, you know, the next time that we're in person, you 660 00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:06.920 know, I want to do something that you really are good at 661 00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:10.120 whether he's a good bowler, or, you know, he's a good swimmer. 662 00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:14.040 You need to in order for you not to get the ick ladies pay 663 00:36:14.040 --> 00:36:18.640 attention. In order for you not to get the ick. You have to see 664 00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:22.520 this guy excelling in the things that come naturally to him. 665 00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:24.840 Because you want to just be able to look at him and be like, like 666 00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:28.160 my husband's an amazing singer. So we'll go to karaoke and I'd 667 00:36:28.160 --> 00:36:32.960 be like, man, he's so sexy, because he's confident and he's 668 00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:35.320 doing something he's super good at and it brings them out of his 669 00:36:35.320 --> 00:36:38.960 shell. And he's super fun. He's also a great golfer. So he'll 670 00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:42.040 take me when we were dating, we went to the golf range and he's 671 00:36:42.040 --> 00:36:45.280 hitting them all the way, you know, all the way out. And I was 672 00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:48.360 just like, wow, he's so masculine. He's so good. You 673 00:36:48.360 --> 00:36:51.920 know, ladies, we need to make sure we're giving these guys a 674 00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:56.080 chance to shine instead of, you know, having them do our feminine 675 00:36:56.080 --> 00:36:58.920 activities where they're kind of boring. They're not fun. They're 676 00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:02.280 not lively because they're not into it. And it's hard to get 677 00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.520 into just sitting across from someone at coffee or food. So 678 00:37:05.520 --> 00:37:08.720 let's make sure that we're doing things that are super, super fun 679 00:37:08.720 --> 00:37:12.120 in person and things that are in their wheelhouse so that they 680 00:37:12.120 --> 00:37:14.560 can show us the best of themselves. Make sense? 681 00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.680 It does. And that's why kayaking working out together and doing a 682 00:37:18.680 --> 00:37:21.600 lot of things, hiking, we did all that. And it was amazing. 683 00:37:22.040 --> 00:37:24.720 Yeah, it's exactly what you're saying, Jackie. 684 00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:28.080 Yes, that's all you need. And you've never been married, 685 00:37:28.080 --> 00:37:29.840 Melissa. So it's kind of scary. 686 00:37:30.240 --> 00:37:33.240 It is scary. I just don't want to go along with someone. 687 00:37:33.720 --> 00:37:38.240 Yeah, I just want to be really wise and respectful and caring 688 00:37:38.240 --> 00:37:42.240 and just, you know, not do it wrong. 689 00:37:43.080 --> 00:37:46.640 So you know, give him a chance to win your heart and also tell 690 00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:52.280 him how. Okay. Give him some hints. Give him some guys need 691 00:37:52.280 --> 00:37:55.240 some hints. Okay. All right. Please report back because we 692 00:37:55.240 --> 00:37:58.680 really want to know. Okay, thank you excited for you. This is so 693 00:37:58.680 --> 00:38:02.520 exciting. That's so kind. Yes. Yeah, I love this for you. 694 00:38:02.520 --> 00:38:05.040 You're so beautiful inside and out. I love it. 695 00:38:05.520 --> 00:38:08.400 Thank you, Jackie. Thanks for your help. I wouldn't be here 696 00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:09.120 without you. 697 00:38:09.520 --> 00:38:13.400 I love it. Thank you. You guys. If someone is beautiful inside 698 00:38:13.400 --> 00:38:16.080 and out as Melissa can be single, then you know, why are 699 00:38:16.080 --> 00:38:19.880 you feeling bad? Okay. She's never been married. Well, I know 700 00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:22.440 but people are always just like, well, I'm single because blah, 701 00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:27.760 blah, blah. No, y'all. We're all single because the game is 702 00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:32.520 rigged. That's the reason why. So stop feeling sorry for 703 00:38:32.520 --> 00:38:34.400 yourself. You've been feeling sorry for yourself. And don't 704 00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:37.200 untrust me. I see you because I see the comments that you make 705 00:38:37.600 --> 00:38:40.360 on my Instagram over here over there. And I get it. You're 706 00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:44.040 discouraged. But you need to know that it's not you. I mean, 707 00:38:44.040 --> 00:38:46.560 there might be some things you need to work on. There probably 708 00:38:46.560 --> 00:38:50.880 is. But overall, it is the system that's broken. You were 709 00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:54.800 born into a really weird generation when it comes to 710 00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:59.200 marriage and family. But we're gonna win. Right? Amen. Are we 711 00:38:59.200 --> 00:39:02.720 gonna win? We're gonna win. We're gonna get together. We're 712 00:39:02.720 --> 00:39:04.720 all gonna get a matchmaker mindset. We're gonna play 713 00:39:04.720 --> 00:39:07.600 matchmaker for each other, not just ourselves. And we're going 714 00:39:07.600 --> 00:39:10.000 to win. By the way, that's the other thing about the 715 00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:13.840 community-based matchmaking app. It gives you the ability to be a 716 00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:18.680 matchmaker for other people. I cannot be the only matchmaker. 717 00:39:18.720 --> 00:39:21.720 The other 20 people that are out here trying to matchmake 718 00:39:21.720 --> 00:39:25.040 Christians, we cannot be the only matchmakers. The real true 719 00:39:25.040 --> 00:39:31.760 matchmakers needs to be singles that are, you know, connected to 720 00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:37.600 the Lord, you know, that have supernatural, supernatural lives 721 00:39:37.840 --> 00:39:40.960 that are just in spaces with other single people and are 722 00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:44.080 willing to be the point of connection between one person 723 00:39:44.080 --> 00:39:49.200 and another. That's what has to happen. Okay. All right, let's 724 00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:55.440 go. We're gonna go girl, boy, girl, boy. And because we only 725 00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:58.200 have one guy, we're gonna go with Kenton. Go ahead, Kenton. 726 00:39:59.560 --> 00:40:00.040 I'm gonna 727 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.780 Spotlight you. 728 00:40:01.780 --> 00:40:02.900 Just have to put it on the speaker. 729 00:40:02.900 --> 00:40:03.740 There we go. 730 00:40:03.740 --> 00:40:04.580 Thanks so much, Jack. 731 00:40:04.580 --> 00:40:05.400 I appreciate it. 732 00:40:05.400 --> 00:40:06.500 Before you say anything, I want to ask you, 733 00:40:06.500 --> 00:40:10.100 are you in like a level three relationship or what? 734 00:40:10.100 --> 00:40:11.540 No, I'm not. 735 00:40:11.540 --> 00:40:12.580 Okay, go ahead. 736 00:40:12.580 --> 00:40:13.700 What's your question? 737 00:40:13.700 --> 00:40:14.620 All right. 738 00:40:14.620 --> 00:40:15.920 A couple of questions. 739 00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:18.260 One is, now you're talking about long distance. 740 00:40:18.260 --> 00:40:19.880 That's going to be what my factor is, 741 00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:24.180 because most of the, our ladies in LYS are in the States. 742 00:40:24.180 --> 00:40:28.780 And so I work one weekend and then one week out 743 00:40:28.800 --> 00:40:31.080 as working up in the North in the mines. 744 00:40:31.080 --> 00:40:35.440 So we live, I live in the camps, in other words. 745 00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:37.160 So that's going to be a little more difficult 746 00:40:37.160 --> 00:40:39.480 having them stay with me for periods of times, 747 00:40:39.480 --> 00:40:41.140 because I'll be gone for a solid week. 748 00:40:41.140 --> 00:40:42.440 And the second one is talk, 749 00:40:42.440 --> 00:40:44.280 if you can talk a little more about, 750 00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:46.160 I understand not giving up your kids, 751 00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:47.760 but there might be that element 752 00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:51.520 that we might have to discuss grandchildren though, 753 00:40:51.520 --> 00:40:53.400 and how that will work out. 754 00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:55.080 Because I've got 10 of them, 755 00:40:55.080 --> 00:40:58.240 and no doubt she'll have a few as well. 756 00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.600 Okay, so let's talk about this first and foremost. 757 00:41:01.600 --> 00:41:03.040 And I see that Tim's on here, like, 758 00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:04.440 don't give hints, ladies. 759 00:41:04.440 --> 00:41:08.080 Ladies, yes, you need to be clear with your, 760 00:41:08.080 --> 00:41:10.400 I mean, what I mean by hints is, 761 00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:11.760 and I should have used a different word. 762 00:41:11.760 --> 00:41:13.680 You're right, men are not mind readers, 763 00:41:13.680 --> 00:41:15.960 and they don't actually pick up on, 764 00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:18.160 you know, unclear hints very well. 765 00:41:18.160 --> 00:41:21.080 So directly talk about your needs, 766 00:41:21.080 --> 00:41:23.120 directly talk about your needs, 767 00:41:23.120 --> 00:41:27.040 but don't be bossy or pushy is basically what I'm saying. 768 00:41:27.040 --> 00:41:28.140 Don't be bossy or pushy. 769 00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:29.760 Just say, hey, you know, 770 00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:32.640 I really wanna see more of your fun side. 771 00:41:34.200 --> 00:41:35.920 What sounds like fun to you? 772 00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:37.320 How about that? 773 00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:38.560 I wanna see more of your fun side. 774 00:41:38.560 --> 00:41:40.000 What sounds like fun to you? 775 00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:41.600 Like, what makes you feel like a kid? 776 00:41:41.600 --> 00:41:43.000 Let's go do that. 777 00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:46.540 All right, okay, so Kenton, good questions. 778 00:41:47.420 --> 00:41:50.240 A lot of you older singles, all right, 779 00:41:50.240 --> 00:41:52.740 old enough to know better singles, let's say that, 780 00:41:53.680 --> 00:41:56.220 are entrenched where you are. 781 00:41:56.220 --> 00:41:58.660 You're entrenched, especially if you've been married 782 00:41:58.660 --> 00:42:00.720 and you have kids, your kids are grown up 783 00:42:00.720 --> 00:42:02.420 and now you have grandkids. 784 00:42:02.420 --> 00:42:05.600 A lot of people don't wanna move away from where they are. 785 00:42:05.600 --> 00:42:09.120 And so I asked one of my clients this just recently, 786 00:42:09.120 --> 00:42:11.500 and I'm gonna ask all of you guys this. 787 00:42:11.500 --> 00:42:12.400 This is important. 788 00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:13.300 Are you listening? 789 00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:16.420 I don't want you to answer right away. 790 00:42:16.420 --> 00:42:20.520 I want you to take a couple minutes to think about it, 791 00:42:20.520 --> 00:42:22.260 and then I'll tell you when I want you 792 00:42:22.260 --> 00:42:23.760 to put the answer in the chat. 793 00:42:24.580 --> 00:42:27.460 Nobody answer this right now. 794 00:42:28.540 --> 00:42:33.540 If you do, then we'll all know you cannot follow directions. 795 00:42:34.780 --> 00:42:36.980 Okay, and that's a whole nother problem. 796 00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:38.680 I want you to take a minute to think about it, 797 00:42:38.680 --> 00:42:40.180 and then you think about it, 798 00:42:40.180 --> 00:42:41.520 and then I'm gonna talk to Kenton, 799 00:42:41.520 --> 00:42:43.380 and then I'm gonna ask it again, 800 00:42:43.380 --> 00:42:45.820 and then that's when you're gonna answer it. 801 00:42:45.820 --> 00:42:47.460 Okay, all of you guys are single right now. 802 00:42:47.460 --> 00:42:49.460 Let me ask you this question. 803 00:42:49.460 --> 00:42:53.040 You're single, you have a life that you're living. 804 00:42:53.060 --> 00:42:55.800 A lot of you have a good life that you like, 805 00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:57.420 and you have community, and you have friends, 806 00:42:57.420 --> 00:42:58.660 and you maybe have grown children, 807 00:42:58.660 --> 00:42:59.500 or you have grandchildren. 808 00:42:59.500 --> 00:43:01.900 Maybe you don't, but maybe you have a church that you love, 809 00:43:01.900 --> 00:43:05.020 and a job that you're embedded in for whatever reason, 810 00:43:05.020 --> 00:43:06.620 a business that you built. 811 00:43:06.620 --> 00:43:08.300 It doesn't matter what it is. 812 00:43:08.300 --> 00:43:09.860 Here's the question. 813 00:43:09.860 --> 00:43:12.820 If this is what your life looks like 814 00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:14.740 for the rest of your life, 815 00:43:14.740 --> 00:43:18.340 if nothing changed in the area of your love life, 816 00:43:18.340 --> 00:43:22.800 meaning you never got married, would it be okay? 817 00:43:23.720 --> 00:43:24.660 Don't answer. 818 00:43:27.960 --> 00:43:29.100 Would it be okay? 819 00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:31.880 All right, don't answer. 820 00:43:31.880 --> 00:43:33.000 I'll come back to that. 821 00:43:33.000 --> 00:43:36.500 So Kenton, it comes down to what do you want? 822 00:43:37.600 --> 00:43:40.020 It comes down to what do you want the most, 823 00:43:40.020 --> 00:43:41.840 and in my opinion, 824 00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:44.060 the person with the least amount of community, 825 00:43:44.060 --> 00:43:45.960 the least amount of responsibilities, 826 00:43:45.960 --> 00:43:47.920 maybe the least amount of family, 827 00:43:48.020 --> 00:43:50.620 maybe that person should be the person to relocate. 828 00:43:50.620 --> 00:43:52.380 Now, Canadian and American romances, 829 00:43:52.380 --> 00:43:54.780 we've had a lot of them here at Last Year Single 830 00:43:54.780 --> 00:43:56.460 and Married in 12 Months or Less, 831 00:43:56.460 --> 00:43:57.980 and they're not easy. 832 00:43:57.980 --> 00:43:59.420 Canada and the United States 833 00:43:59.420 --> 00:44:01.260 does not like to play well together. 834 00:44:01.260 --> 00:44:05.300 It's not easy to relocate here as a Canadian, 835 00:44:05.300 --> 00:44:06.820 and it's definitely not easy 836 00:44:06.820 --> 00:44:10.460 for Americans to get Canadian citizenship. 837 00:44:10.460 --> 00:44:11.540 It does happen. 838 00:44:11.540 --> 00:44:13.860 All of our people that have married Canadians 839 00:44:13.860 --> 00:44:16.140 or vice versa, married Americans, 840 00:44:16.200 --> 00:44:19.280 all of them have, except for one, 841 00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:21.800 all of them have moved to America. 842 00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:24.080 So the Canadians relocate it to America, 843 00:44:24.080 --> 00:44:26.320 which seems to be a lot easier. 844 00:44:26.320 --> 00:44:28.240 Not that it is easy, because it's not. 845 00:44:28.240 --> 00:44:29.280 I don't want to tell you that it is, 846 00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:31.600 because it's not, and it's a long process, 847 00:44:31.600 --> 00:44:33.560 but all of them have moved here. 848 00:44:33.560 --> 00:44:37.240 So Kenton, when you date a woman, 849 00:44:37.240 --> 00:44:38.480 you got to keep that in mind, 850 00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:40.280 because her relocating to you 851 00:44:40.280 --> 00:44:43.320 is going to be very, very, very difficult. 852 00:44:43.340 --> 00:44:45.340 You relocating to America 853 00:44:45.340 --> 00:44:47.940 is going to be difficult, but not impossible. 854 00:44:47.940 --> 00:44:50.420 If you're in a situation in your season of life 855 00:44:50.420 --> 00:44:53.540 where the kind of job that you do is hard to find, 856 00:44:53.540 --> 00:44:56.100 and you don't want to give up what you have, 857 00:44:56.100 --> 00:44:58.480 some of you guys have pensions coming, 858 00:44:58.480 --> 00:44:59.940 you have 401Ks, 859 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.200 have all kinds of things and you want to finish strong. 860 00:45:03.760 --> 00:45:07.000 You got to take that into account when you're meeting people. 861 00:45:08.280 --> 00:45:12.120 Cause you know, there's a lot of, there's a lot of cheeky mamas in Canada, 862 00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:16.400 Kenton that you could meet and be with as well. 863 00:45:16.520 --> 00:45:19.280 So now I'm going to ask that question again. 864 00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:23.200 If nothing changed in your love life, would it be okay? 865 00:45:23.760 --> 00:45:26.560 Go ahead and put the answer up. And Kenton, what's your answer? 866 00:45:26.560 --> 00:45:31.560 That is not an easy answer to a question to ask actually or to answer because I 867 00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:38.880 was made to be married. Simple as that. 868 00:45:39.400 --> 00:45:42.000 And so I would have to say personally, not quite honestly, no, 869 00:45:42.040 --> 00:45:42.880 it would not be okay. 870 00:45:43.320 --> 00:45:46.680 That's fair. I want you to say no. If that's what your heart says. 871 00:45:47.000 --> 00:45:51.320 We have a lot of yeses. We have a lot of yeses. No, Tiffany Butler, 872 00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:54.360 there is not a yes and a no. It's a yes or a no question, babe. 873 00:45:54.480 --> 00:45:57.080 I'm going to force you to say yes or no. Not here. 874 00:45:57.120 --> 00:46:01.960 No, I can't. It is a yes and a no. It's okay for me, 875 00:46:01.960 --> 00:46:06.440 but it's not okay for my son. So I would say I would get married for my son. 876 00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:12.360 That's a, I mean, we'll talk about that. We'll talk about that offline. 877 00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:13.200 Cause I don't want to, 878 00:46:13.560 --> 00:46:17.760 I don't want to say anything here that could possibly I know you girl. 879 00:46:17.760 --> 00:46:20.600 So I'm going to talk to you or I'm going to have another conversation with you. 880 00:46:20.600 --> 00:46:25.280 I don't want to say anything here that could be misconstrued or seem harsh or 881 00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:25.760 offensive. 882 00:46:25.760 --> 00:46:28.200 So we're going to talk about that cause I have some immediate thoughts about 883 00:46:28.200 --> 00:46:31.640 that and I'd love to, I'd love to coach you a little bit more on that. Okay. 884 00:46:32.720 --> 00:46:36.000 Um, so lots of you, 885 00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:39.920 more people than I realized are saying yes, 886 00:46:40.200 --> 00:46:44.080 but Kenton who we're coaching right now is saying no. Okay. 887 00:46:44.160 --> 00:46:45.000 So Kenton, 888 00:46:46.160 --> 00:46:50.120 that means that your love story may really stretch you. 889 00:46:51.520 --> 00:46:52.520 Are you cool with that? 890 00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:54.040 I'm good with that. 891 00:46:55.160 --> 00:46:59.960 Right. You're in a good place to be a good place to be. So, you know, 892 00:46:59.960 --> 00:47:04.640 there's planes that go and visit your grandchildren and their grandchildren as 893 00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:05.720 well. If they have them, 894 00:47:06.320 --> 00:47:08.680 women are going to be more reluctant to leave grandchildren. 895 00:47:08.680 --> 00:47:10.160 I'm going to tell you that right now, but 896 00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:18.680 but once again, we're all going to make sacrifices. 897 00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:20.440 You guys know that, right? 898 00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:23.840 We're all going to make sacrifices for the things that we want the most. 899 00:47:24.520 --> 00:47:25.560 We're going to be stretched. 900 00:47:27.640 --> 00:47:31.360 A lot of you are, a lot of you are really, um, and Kenton's one of these people. 901 00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:32.840 So it's perfect that I'm talking to him. 902 00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:37.600 A lot of you guys are used to being stretched and challenged by 903 00:47:37.600 --> 00:47:42.640 circumstances that are out of your control, but those things have come, 904 00:47:42.680 --> 00:47:43.920 you didn't want them to come, 905 00:47:43.920 --> 00:47:46.160 but they did and they stretched and they challenged you. 906 00:47:47.160 --> 00:47:48.440 But I believe in this season, 907 00:47:48.440 --> 00:47:50.400 I'm going to do Supernatural Saturday about this. 908 00:47:50.720 --> 00:47:55.480 I believe we're in the season where God wants to stretch us with opportunities. 909 00:47:56.000 --> 00:47:57.880 That's a whole different type of stretching. 910 00:47:59.040 --> 00:48:03.200 We've been stretched by circumstances that are out of our control, 911 00:48:03.800 --> 00:48:08.200 but now we're going to be stretched by opportunities. And so Kenton, 912 00:48:10.200 --> 00:48:12.320 blessed are the flexible for, they will be flexed. 913 00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:15.640 Oh, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's not a problem. We can, 914 00:48:15.640 --> 00:48:18.400 I can go visit down in the States for six months, less a day. 915 00:48:19.960 --> 00:48:20.480 You can. 916 00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:23.360 And that's exactly what happened because I'm working halfway up in Canada, 917 00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:26.520 but I'm expecting to be a retired by next year. 918 00:48:26.520 --> 00:48:29.720 I've got everything in order basically. And so it should be not a problem. 919 00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:31.760 All right, ladies, 920 00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:35.400 if there's anyone on here that wants to shoot their shot for Kenton, um, 921 00:48:35.400 --> 00:48:38.120 you heard him. He knows that he's meant to be married. 922 00:48:38.120 --> 00:48:39.800 He knows that he's going to be married. 923 00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.680 He knows that he is meant to be a husband for someone. 924 00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:47.560 He is flexible to whatever the cert, 925 00:48:47.600 --> 00:48:52.160 whatever the opportunity is that God has for him and wherever that person lives, 926 00:48:52.160 --> 00:48:54.720 he's going to be retiring within a year. Um, 927 00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:58.960 so those of you that are interested, he's, 928 00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:03.400 the house has good bones. He's in good shape, still working, 929 00:49:03.400 --> 00:49:04.760 taking care of himself. 930 00:49:06.480 --> 00:49:08.720 He's been part of this community for a few years. 931 00:49:08.720 --> 00:49:11.640 So we've known him around here. So that's good. 932 00:49:12.720 --> 00:49:16.800 Everyone's like, Kippy's like grab Kenton girl. He's amazing. Take him. Okay. 933 00:49:17.320 --> 00:49:20.520 All right. Jeff, a whole bunch of people want to know how old you are. 934 00:49:20.520 --> 00:49:22.080 I have no idea why. Um, 935 00:49:22.120 --> 00:49:24.960 because none of these ladies should be asking that question, but how old are you? 936 00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:29.880 That's not a problem for me. I'm 67, but my body more looks like a 40. 937 00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:34.480 He is in, he is, he is caped. He kept him, 938 00:49:34.680 --> 00:49:38.760 kept himself in, in some mentor condition y'all. All right. 939 00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:42.400 He's out there being active. Okay. All right. 940 00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:48.200 Top shape. Kenton too. I do like the Oregon coast says Kenton. Okay. 941 00:49:48.360 --> 00:49:50.160 So you cause you're in West Canada, right? 942 00:49:50.960 --> 00:49:54.760 I am. Yes. Uh, we're, I'm just close to the mountains, Rocky mountains. 943 00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:59.600 We do. I lived on the coast as well too. Beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. 944 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.000 Awesome. 945 00:50:01.000 --> 00:50:02.000 Awesome. 946 00:50:02.000 --> 00:50:03.000 Awesome. 947 00:50:03.000 --> 00:50:04.000 Awesome. 948 00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:05.000 Awesome. 949 00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:06.000 All right, y'all. 950 00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:08.400 Let's, let's put, let's take Kenton out of circulation. 951 00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:11.640 If you know anyone who should meet Kenton, if you want to meet Kenton, go ahead and email 952 00:50:11.640 --> 00:50:12.640 us. 953 00:50:12.640 --> 00:50:17.080 This just turned into a single spotlight because Kenton has been in this community for a few 954 00:50:17.080 --> 00:50:18.080 years. 955 00:50:18.080 --> 00:50:23.560 He's done his heart work and you know, he, he can't grow any further without a woman 956 00:50:23.560 --> 00:50:28.200 to like, you know, a relationship to refine him because you can only do so much heart 957 00:50:28.200 --> 00:50:34.640 work on your own as a single person before you have to be in relationship to, to be refined 958 00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:42.520 and to, uh, sacrifice and to, uh, saying to be sanctified, you know, that's what relationship 959 00:50:42.520 --> 00:50:43.520 does for us. 960 00:50:43.520 --> 00:50:48.880 And so let's take him out of circulation and go ahead and email us if you know someone 961 00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:49.880 who he should meet. 962 00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:50.880 All right, Pauline, Kenton, that was it, right? 963 00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:51.880 That was the only question. 964 00:50:51.880 --> 00:50:57.880 Uh, that's the, well, of course the grandchildren, did we discuss that one? 965 00:50:58.560 --> 00:50:59.560 I think we did. 966 00:50:59.560 --> 00:51:00.560 Didn't we? 967 00:51:00.560 --> 00:51:01.560 Yeah. 968 00:51:01.560 --> 00:51:04.720 We just said, Hey, you're going to have to sacrifice and you can fly and come visit you 969 00:51:04.720 --> 00:51:10.600 for the summer and, or, you know, something, someone, and that's it because an airplane 970 00:51:10.600 --> 00:51:15.440 ticket is easy to get and getting over there, spending a few days, a few, a few weeks. 971 00:51:15.440 --> 00:51:16.440 That's fine. 972 00:51:16.440 --> 00:51:18.960 Cause that's all part of life. 973 00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:19.960 Yeah. 974 00:51:19.960 --> 00:51:25.080 Here's the thing, you guys, I, I never lived near any of my grandparents, but I loved them. 975 00:51:25.080 --> 00:51:29.440 I never lived near them, but I went and spent a couple of weeks in the summer at their house 976 00:51:29.440 --> 00:51:30.840 and stuff. 977 00:51:30.840 --> 00:51:33.360 So, um, God makes a way. 978 00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:37.160 My only grandchildren don't live in the state that I live in and yeah, it's hard. 979 00:51:37.160 --> 00:51:38.160 I FaceTime them. 980 00:51:38.160 --> 00:51:40.280 Technology actually makes it easier. 981 00:51:40.280 --> 00:51:44.560 If we were talking 20 years ago, it's definitely different, even, you know, 15 years ago, but 982 00:51:44.560 --> 00:51:46.120 it's, it's a different game now. 983 00:51:46.120 --> 00:51:47.120 All right. 984 00:51:47.120 --> 00:51:48.120 Pauline, you're up. 985 00:51:48.120 --> 00:51:49.120 Thanks Kenton. 986 00:51:49.120 --> 00:51:50.120 Thank you so much. 987 00:51:50.120 --> 00:51:51.120 Appreciate your time. 988 00:51:51.120 --> 00:51:52.120 Yep. 989 00:51:52.120 --> 00:51:53.120 Hi Jackie. 990 00:51:53.120 --> 00:51:54.120 Hi everyone. 991 00:51:54.120 --> 00:51:55.120 So, um, quick, quick question. 992 00:51:55.120 --> 00:52:05.440 Um, at the context is I think, um, kind of like my experience of dating and relationship 993 00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:12.280 has kind of been clouded by this whole thing about the fear of wanting a relationship or 994 00:52:12.280 --> 00:52:16.240 dating, becoming an idol in, in my walk with God. 995 00:52:16.240 --> 00:52:21.280 And so that's kind of like a marker in the first significant relationship I have in my 996 00:52:21.280 --> 00:52:22.280 twenties. 997 00:52:22.280 --> 00:52:23.280 Now I'm in my forties. 998 00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:27.960 Uh, and so, but that's kind of like being a mark that is lingering. 999 00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:35.920 And then what brought me to hard work, um, in January, early this year was really, um, 1000 00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:42.080 I, someone shared a word with me that, um, that maybe this is not the season to be looking 1001 00:52:42.080 --> 00:52:48.680 for a partner, but that to find God sufficient as my groom, uh, coming back to the first 1002 00:52:48.680 --> 00:52:49.680 love. 1003 00:52:49.680 --> 00:52:56.760 So I came in and do the hard work, but I kind of noticed that the fear of dating and wanting 1004 00:52:56.760 --> 00:53:04.120 a relationship, um, fearing that it's becoming an idol and that maybe I'm not released and 1005 00:53:04.120 --> 00:53:06.440 ready to go back into dating. 1006 00:53:06.440 --> 00:53:08.520 That's just a lot of fear. 1007 00:53:08.520 --> 00:53:14.160 And I'm just not sure how to assess it. 1008 00:53:14.160 --> 00:53:16.160 Um, okay. 1009 00:53:16.160 --> 00:53:17.160 Yeah. 1010 00:53:17.160 --> 00:53:22.560 So the first thing I want to do is tell you that so many people have had that fear given 1011 00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:30.840 to them by what I think is bad theology and bad teaching. 1012 00:53:30.840 --> 00:53:35.800 So the very first thing I, you guys, and I'm not going to minimize what she's feeling because 1013 00:53:35.800 --> 00:53:39.800 it's so, so many people have come to me with this problem. 1014 00:53:39.800 --> 00:53:45.160 Um, and even my own daughter, my own daughter, my youngest daughter, who's 25 and she's been 1015 00:53:45.160 --> 00:53:54.000 married for two years now, uh, she, she's known her now husband for five years and not 1016 00:53:54.000 --> 00:54:00.360 that she would have gotten married five years ago because she wouldn't have, but she at 1017 00:54:00.360 --> 00:54:04.080 the time was in a ministry school and then she went to another ministry school. 1018 00:54:04.080 --> 00:54:10.000 She, she, my daughter has done three tours of ministry schools because she's a musician 1019 00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:11.000 area. 1020 00:54:11.840 --> 00:54:16.920 And so she has felt led by the Lord to do these different missions tracks. 1021 00:54:16.920 --> 00:54:21.160 But at every one of those mission schools, they said things like what our dear sister 1022 00:54:21.160 --> 00:54:26.560 Pauline is saying, you know, Oh, you know, you shouldn't be, you shouldn't care. 1023 00:54:26.560 --> 00:54:29.760 All those mission, all those, all those ministry schools didn't let you date. 1024 00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:30.940 There was a no dating rule. 1025 00:54:30.940 --> 00:54:35.280 You weren't allowed to be dating anybody either in the school or out of the school. 1026 00:54:35.280 --> 00:54:37.480 They want you to fully focus on Jesus. 1027 00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:42.200 You guys, there are seasons of our life where I think that it's important that we focus 1028 00:54:42.200 --> 00:54:44.760 on our own self development. 1029 00:54:44.760 --> 00:54:51.040 But just like I said to Kenton, you can only go so far in your personal development until 1030 00:54:51.040 --> 00:54:55.560 you're going to need to be developed within relationship, whether that's romantic relationship 1031 00:54:55.560 --> 00:54:59.160 or another relationship, meaning friends, community. 1032 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.000 by friendship. We say in last year's single, we say, um, hurt in family, healed in family, 1033 00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:11.520 hurt in relationship, healed in relationship, right? We say these things for a reason because 1034 00:55:11.520 --> 00:55:17.520 God uses relationships to stretch us, to mature us. I believe that marriage and family is God's 1035 00:55:17.520 --> 00:55:23.120 maturity plan for mankind. Does that mean everyone will be married? No. Does that mean that everyone 1036 00:55:23.120 --> 00:55:30.320 wants to be married? No. But why will we not want to be married and, or not be married? 1037 00:55:30.320 --> 00:55:36.720 It all goes back to the curse friends, because divine design, God's original design 1038 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:44.000 was that he made us male and female, and he put us together period. That's not your idea. 1039 00:55:44.800 --> 00:55:51.440 That's God's idea. But then separation came and it's important that you guys take a look at this 1040 00:55:51.440 --> 00:55:56.880 because not only did separation come, but God had already made a plan for the separation. 1041 00:55:56.880 --> 00:56:06.800 If you look at Genesis, you see in 2, 20, 2, 21, 2, 22, 3, 4, 5, 6, you'll see that God creates 1042 00:56:07.360 --> 00:56:12.800 his best creation, his family, which is what this whole thing has always been about God's family. 1043 00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:19.840 That was his idea. That was his big idea. That's what all of creation exists for God's family. 1044 00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:26.560 And he created Adam, and then he took one half of Adam. The whole rib theology all is really out 1045 00:56:26.560 --> 00:56:33.760 of context with the original Hebrew. It's not a rib that God took out of man. It is a half of man 1046 00:56:33.760 --> 00:56:39.040 that God took out, meaning the feminine, the masculine got separated into two vessels, 1047 00:56:39.040 --> 00:56:47.520 and then God introduced them to each other in covenant. They came together and that is the 1048 00:56:47.520 --> 00:56:53.600 model, right? Male and female, both made in the image of God, different parts of the image of God 1049 00:56:53.600 --> 00:56:57.760 coming together. And so you know how people always say, and I know it all sounds good, 1050 00:56:57.760 --> 00:57:01.920 people say to you, oh, you know, don't look for your other half because you're not a half. Well, 1051 00:57:01.920 --> 00:57:08.160 you kind of are actually when it comes to the character of God and the actual personage of God. 1052 00:57:08.160 --> 00:57:13.840 Now, should you be looking for, you know, someone to complete you above Christ? No, 1053 00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:20.560 because we're complete in Christ, right? We're healed in family, we're complete in Christ, 1054 00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:25.280 and you know, it's important that we understand that we're made whole in Christ. 1055 00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:31.520 In fact, that's a better word. We're made whole in Christ into our identity, but we're not 1056 00:57:31.520 --> 00:57:37.120 necessarily complete without marriage if we're called to marriage. Now you go to Matthew 17, 1057 00:57:37.120 --> 00:57:42.080 this is after the curse, and Jesus is talking about the fact that some people in this world 1058 00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:45.200 are not going to get married because they've been created, they've been made eunuchs. 1059 00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:51.040 Not just you guys castration, that did happen in the Bible days, but also because of spiritual 1060 00:57:51.040 --> 00:57:56.960 castration. He was talking about different forms of being a eunuch, not just physical castration. 1061 00:57:56.960 --> 00:58:01.760 He was basically talking about people have been harmed in physical ways, in an emotional ways, 1062 00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:06.480 they're not going to partner. All right, there's people that are called to specific kind of 1063 00:58:06.480 --> 00:58:13.040 spiritual things. He said, but if you have the charisma or grace, if you have the endowment from 1064 00:58:13.040 --> 00:58:17.920 heaven to be married, meaning the desire to be married, Paul talks about the same word in 1065 00:58:17.920 --> 00:58:24.240 Corinthians, 1 Corinthians 7, 7, the famous gift of singleness verse. He talks about the same word 1066 00:58:24.240 --> 00:58:29.760 as Jesus, charisma. He said, I wish all of you had the charisma to be single like me, the gift 1067 00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:37.200 from heaven, the power from heaven to be abstinent and celibate and happy, but you don't. So if you 1068 00:58:37.200 --> 00:58:44.000 burn with a sex drive, then you should get married. If you have desire for partnership through what? 1069 00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:48.240 Through your sex drive, through your desire to come together, to procreate, to have children, 1070 00:58:48.240 --> 00:58:56.720 to have a family, then you should do that. Okay. So God's divine design was always male and female 1071 00:58:56.720 --> 00:59:02.400 together. Remember that famous speech in Genesis? Oh, woman, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. 1072 00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:10.160 And then it goes on to say, let what God has put together, let nothing ever separate. 1073 00:59:11.840 --> 00:59:17.840 Right? God separated them. And then he put them back together and he said, let them never be 1074 00:59:17.840 --> 00:59:25.360 separate again. Do you see that? And this is the only relationship where it says in the two shall 1075 00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:30.240 become one. Why do you think it says that? Because oneness was the model. 1076 00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:35.040 And that's the same model as Christ and his bride. 1077 00:59:36.640 --> 00:59:39.440 Are we living that out on earth to show people what that looks like? 1078 00:59:40.080 --> 00:59:44.880 A thousand percent. And that's why being married to Jesus while you're alive in this flesh suit 1079 00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:54.080 doesn't make any sense, friends. It doesn't. It's all a typology and it's the way that we've 1080 00:59:54.080 --> 00:59:59.040 been created. And so back to our friend, Pauline, I'm going to spend some time on this because a lot 1081 00:59:59.040 --> 00:59:59.840 of people are stuck. 1082 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.520 here. An idol is something that you create in your flesh and that it strengthens your 1083 01:00:05.520 --> 01:00:12.920 flesh. And when people say that we're making marriage an idol, first of all, marriage is 1084 01:00:12.920 --> 01:00:19.380 a supernatural sacrament that was given to us by heaven. So it can't be an idol. Now, 1085 01:00:19.380 --> 01:00:29.040 can you desperately want something, anything, marriage, money, whatever? Can you see that 1086 01:00:29.040 --> 01:00:34.640 thing as the thing that is going to be the magic bullet of happiness? Can you just obsess 1087 01:00:34.640 --> 01:00:39.800 about it? Can you want it, you know, in a way that's unhealthy for you and the way that 1088 01:00:39.800 --> 01:00:47.000 you would beg, borrow and steal to get it? A thousand percent. People do this every day. 1089 01:00:47.000 --> 01:00:52.160 People do this every day. But friends, when you show up and you say, Hey God, I want to 1090 01:00:52.160 --> 01:00:55.920 be a great partner someday. I believe that you've called me. You've given me the charisma 1091 01:00:55.920 --> 01:01:01.120 to be married. God, you've given me the desire in my heart. As I have delighted in you, 1092 01:01:01.120 --> 01:01:08.360 the desire has only grown for partnership, for children, for family, to be with someone 1093 01:01:08.360 --> 01:01:14.960 to further your kingdom and to do it together. That desire is all as has only grown. So I 1094 01:01:14.960 --> 01:01:18.120 want to be the best future spouse I can be. So I'm going to do the work. I'm going to 1095 01:01:18.120 --> 01:01:22.760 do the heart work. I'm going to unpack my attachment styles. I'm going to make sure 1096 01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:29.920 that when I do meet my partner, I am ready to partner with them. That's not making anything 1097 01:01:29.920 --> 01:01:38.040 an idol. Jackie, in the, what if it's in the context of us sort of still walking through 1098 01:01:38.040 --> 01:01:43.600 some things in our relationship with God, do we then should put dating and wanting a 1099 01:01:43.600 --> 01:01:49.240 relationship on pause then? Pauline, honey, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this 1100 01:01:49.240 --> 01:01:56.720 or not. How old are you? 44. Okay. So you're old enough to maybe have seen this already 1101 01:01:56.720 --> 01:02:05.680 at some level. How long have you known Jesus? Since I was 11. Okay. So a long time. She's 1102 01:02:05.680 --> 01:02:10.440 known him for a long time. You guys, 29 years or 20. I don't, whatever girl math, you guys 1103 01:02:10.440 --> 01:02:15.640 figure it out. You know how long she's known him. All right. I am 51 years old and I've 1104 01:02:15.640 --> 01:02:19.560 been walking with Jesus since I was 22 years old. You can do that math too, cause I don't 1105 01:02:19.560 --> 01:02:25.920 want to do it either in my head, but I will say this, you're always going to be working 1106 01:02:25.920 --> 01:02:31.080 on something with Jesus. There is never going to be a time when you're on this earth where 1107 01:02:31.080 --> 01:02:38.880 you are not being molded and shaped on the Potter's wheel. Friends, that is what your 1108 01:02:38.880 --> 01:02:45.680 disciple life looks like. Did Jesus ever take a, take a minute and go over and say 1109 01:02:45.680 --> 01:02:51.120 to the 12, which by the way is the typology of what we're doing right now, being discipled 1110 01:02:51.120 --> 01:02:55.200 and following Jesus and say, okay, you guys, you've arrived. There's no more lessons to 1111 01:02:55.200 --> 01:03:00.440 learn. This is it. It's over. It's done. No, he never said that. But did he continue to 1112 01:03:00.440 --> 01:03:05.640 give them amazing opportunities? Did he continue to give them opportunities that stretch them? 1113 01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:10.440 Did he continue to give them opportunities that were kind of way above their pay grade 1114 01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:16.800 in order for them to fail forward fast and learn and become, you know, better versions 1115 01:03:16.800 --> 01:03:23.640 of themselves as disciples? Uh, yeah, he did. So Pauline, honey, it doesn't make any sense 1116 01:03:23.640 --> 01:03:28.720 that God would say, Hey, go wait in the waiting room until you're perfect. And then, you know, 1117 01:03:28.720 --> 01:03:34.680 then I'm going to allow you to partner with someone. Now, friends, if you have a problem, 1118 01:03:34.680 --> 01:03:40.600 please listen. If, if dating has already revealed an area that you really need to work 1119 01:03:40.600 --> 01:03:46.560 on, like let's say when you date people, you're always suspicious and jealous of their behavior. 1120 01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:49.840 They're not cheating, but you always think they're cheating because someone hurt you 1121 01:03:49.840 --> 01:03:54.900 a long time ago. And so all of your relationships end because you're suspicious and accusing 1122 01:03:54.900 --> 01:04:00.160 people of things that they haven't done. If you're in a relationship where you always 1123 01:04:00.160 --> 01:04:07.440 sexually fall into sin. If you're, you know, if there's a pattern that's happening in dating, 1124 01:04:07.440 --> 01:04:12.200 yeah, let's take a step back from dating. Let's work on the root so that we can get 1125 01:04:12.200 --> 01:04:17.600 rid of the fruit and then let's step back in and see if we're healed or not. You're 1126 01:04:17.600 --> 01:04:21.920 not going to ever find out if you're truly delivered or healed from something until you're 1127 01:04:21.920 --> 01:04:27.500 faced with that thing again. You know that, right? But yes, if you do have a life controlling 1128 01:04:27.500 --> 01:04:32.820 problem that you need to step aside and kind of think about for a little while with Jesus 1129 01:04:32.820 --> 01:04:37.940 so he can show you where it's coming from, reveal and heal, then that's important. 1130 01:04:37.940 --> 01:04:44.660 Jackie, but what about the point about how we kind of, we need to reach a place of where 1131 01:04:44.660 --> 01:04:51.340 God's our first love and we find him as our all sufficient lover first before we look 1132 01:04:51.340 --> 01:04:55.940 for a partner. That's kind of like, I know, but that's not real. That's not the Bible. 1133 01:04:55.940 --> 01:05:00.020 The Bible doesn't say that when it says, love him. 1134 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.420 Your whole heart is talking about having a whole heart y'all 1135 01:05:04.040 --> 01:05:09.200 Meaning not a fragmented heart. It's talking about a healed heart. You know that right? 1136 01:05:09.600 --> 01:05:16.840 It's not talking about what she thinks it's talking about or what people have miss taught her to believe because here's the problem friends 1137 01:05:17.000 --> 01:05:24.160 God at the very beginning looked at Adam and said it's not good for him to be solitary. I have to make him a partner 1138 01:05:24.160 --> 01:05:29.160 God is saying in that very scripture that I'm not enough for Adam. Adam needs a human counterpart 1139 01:05:29.160 --> 01:05:36.160 Because we exist in community Father Son and Holy Spirit because remember we've been made in their image 1140 01:05:36.160 --> 01:05:43.160 And he needs to exist in his like community as well with other humans 1141 01:05:43.160 --> 01:05:48.160 You guys understand that the scripture says that right? So if God himself said that it wasn't enough 1142 01:05:48.160 --> 01:05:56.160 Why are preachers arguing and by the way, all the people that teach this theology are all married people, which is really annoying 1143 01:05:57.160 --> 01:06:05.160 It's really annoying because people like Pauline and so many people like Pauline get so afraid that they're cheating on Jesus 1144 01:06:05.160 --> 01:06:12.160 They get so afraid that God is upset with them because they put a human being before him 1145 01:06:12.160 --> 01:06:21.160 You guys this is how you learn more about God through other people. I'm going to tell you right now marriage is kind of the top thing on the list 1146 01:06:21.160 --> 01:06:28.160 That's going to refine you and sanctify you and make you more like Jesus and make you love Jesus more and help you to see Jesus 1147 01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:36.160 With skin on it and help you understand God in ways that you can't understand him when you're in a solitary state 1148 01:06:36.160 --> 01:06:42.160 Now remember Paul said I wish you were single like me but Paul had his own refining process didn't he? 1149 01:06:42.160 --> 01:06:51.160 He had imprisonments, shipwrecks, snake bites. I mean if I were you I would sign up for marriage and family before I sign up for Paul's refining fire 1150 01:06:51.160 --> 01:06:59.160 Just in general. I mean it's the word of God right? 1151 01:07:00.160 --> 01:07:05.160 And just so you guys know that speech that Paul makes in 1st Corinthians 7-7 is so mistaught 1152 01:07:05.160 --> 01:07:09.160 Paul is literally making a case for marriage not singleness 1153 01:07:09.160 --> 01:07:16.160 He's making a case for marriage because you realize the Corinthians were fighting about sex in marriage 1154 01:07:16.160 --> 01:07:23.160 The ones that had received the gospel and had become Christians no longer wanted to have sex with their spouse 1155 01:07:23.160 --> 01:07:30.160 The ones that had received the gospel and had become Christians no longer wanted to have sex with their spouses 1156 01:07:30.160 --> 01:07:32.160 That is what the letter is all about 1157 01:07:32.160 --> 01:07:34.160 That's what Paul is there addressing 1158 01:07:34.160 --> 01:07:36.160 And he's like ugh 1159 01:07:36.160 --> 01:07:41.160 You can just see him like so frustrated with these people because they're just being so petty 1160 01:07:41.160 --> 01:07:43.160 And they're just being so bleh 1161 01:07:43.160 --> 01:07:49.160 And he's just like ugh I wish that all of you were celibate like me so you didn't have to worry about this kind of stuff 1162 01:07:49.160 --> 01:07:53.160 But because you don't have the same gift as me, you have the gift of marriage 1163 01:07:53.160 --> 01:07:56.160 Then you're going to have to figure this out 1164 01:07:56.160 --> 01:08:01.160 You're going to have to have sex because that's what you need to be doing in your marriage 1165 01:08:01.160 --> 01:08:04.160 And then Jesus says the same thing 1166 01:08:04.160 --> 01:08:08.160 His disciples are like ugh marriage sounds hard I don't think we're going to get married 1167 01:08:08.160 --> 01:08:13.160 And Jesus is like well your father didn't create you like that 1168 01:08:13.160 --> 01:08:17.160 But there are some people who won't get married because of these reasons 1169 01:08:17.160 --> 01:08:19.160 Most of them the curse 1170 01:08:19.160 --> 01:08:23.160 He said but if you have the ability 1171 01:08:23.160 --> 01:08:25.160 That word there was charisma 1172 01:08:25.160 --> 01:08:27.160 Same thing as Paul was talking about 1173 01:08:27.160 --> 01:08:29.160 If you have the calling to marriage 1174 01:08:29.160 --> 01:08:31.160 You have the desire for marriage then you should do it 1175 01:08:31.160 --> 01:08:33.160 Same word 1176 01:08:33.160 --> 01:08:35.160 Jesus, Paul 1177 01:08:35.160 --> 01:08:37.160 Different ways of saying it 1178 01:08:37.160 --> 01:08:41.160 But they're both using the same Greek and Hebrew meaning words 1179 01:08:41.160 --> 01:08:43.160 Okay 1180 01:08:43.160 --> 01:08:45.160 Or the Greek actually it was Greek 1181 01:08:45.160 --> 01:08:48.160 Alright Pauline I'm really glad that you brought this up 1182 01:08:48.160 --> 01:08:50.160 We haven't gone over this in a really long time 1183 01:08:50.160 --> 01:08:52.160 We used to have this conversation so much 1184 01:08:52.160 --> 01:08:55.160 Six years ago when people first started coming in 1185 01:08:55.160 --> 01:08:58.160 Friends this is a reason why a lot of you 1186 01:08:58.160 --> 01:09:00.160 Have been single for so long 1187 01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:02.160 Because you're like well if God wants it for me 1188 01:09:02.160 --> 01:09:04.160 If God blesses me with it then I'll take it 1189 01:09:04.160 --> 01:09:06.160 If God wants it for me but I don't want to make it an idol 1190 01:09:06.160 --> 01:09:09.160 I don't want to try to make it happen for myself 1191 01:09:09.160 --> 01:09:12.160 I'm going to go sit in this holy waiting room 1192 01:09:13.160 --> 01:09:16.160 And wait for God to bless me with it 1193 01:09:18.160 --> 01:09:20.160 It doesn't make any sense because it's not scriptural 1194 01:09:20.160 --> 01:09:22.160 It's not biblical 1195 01:09:22.160 --> 01:09:25.160 And you don't do that in any other area of your life 1196 01:09:27.160 --> 01:09:29.160 It's just 1197 01:09:29.160 --> 01:09:31.160 It's just religion folks 1198 01:09:31.160 --> 01:09:34.160 I'm sorry but the whole singleness theology is religion 1199 01:09:36.160 --> 01:09:38.160 It's religion 1200 01:09:43.160 --> 01:09:45.160 So 1201 01:09:51.160 --> 01:09:53.160 Can we all just agree that we are going to stop beating 1202 01:09:53.160 --> 01:09:55.160 Ourselves up for having a desire 1203 01:09:55.160 --> 01:09:57.160 Really feel like God wants to deliver you 1204 01:09:57.160 --> 01:09:59.160 Of the shame of wanting to have it 1205 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.160 to be married. 1206 01:10:02.160 --> 01:10:05.040 If you've been dealing with that, if you've been feeling ashamed because you have the 1207 01:10:05.040 --> 01:10:07.800 desire to be married, you don't even want to tell anyone anymore that you want to be 1208 01:10:07.800 --> 01:10:12.540 married because people are always giving you this speech about being an idol and the speech 1209 01:10:12.540 --> 01:10:17.840 about you should be happy single and the gift of singleness and whatever, you know, and 1210 01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:19.440 so you don't even want to tell anyone anymore. 1211 01:10:19.440 --> 01:10:21.680 In fact, you wish God would just take it away. 1212 01:10:21.680 --> 01:10:26.760 In fact, you pray, God, take this desire away from me. 1213 01:10:26.760 --> 01:10:28.400 I can't do it anymore. 1214 01:10:28.400 --> 01:10:31.840 I don't want to want this. 1215 01:10:31.840 --> 01:10:32.840 Come on. 1216 01:10:32.840 --> 01:10:34.780 I want to see you in the chat right now. 1217 01:10:34.780 --> 01:10:37.640 Let's go. 1218 01:10:37.640 --> 01:10:40.640 Please God, make me happy single. 1219 01:10:40.640 --> 01:10:43.600 I don't want to feel this way anymore. 1220 01:10:43.600 --> 01:10:47.280 Or you might've said, God, if you're not going to give me a spouse, then I need you to take 1221 01:10:47.280 --> 01:10:56.120 this desire away from me. 1222 01:10:56.120 --> 01:11:09.120 You guys, I literally just had a vision just now when I said that, you know what it was? 1223 01:11:09.120 --> 01:11:16.680 It was a person crying out to God and saying this, God, if you're not going to give me 1224 01:11:16.680 --> 01:11:22.320 an apple, then please just take the desire for an apple away from me. 1225 01:11:22.320 --> 01:11:27.240 As they're sitting at the trunk, at the base of the tree of an apple tree. 1226 01:11:27.240 --> 01:11:35.720 And God was like, stand up and take one. 1227 01:11:35.720 --> 01:11:37.360 I literally just saw that. 1228 01:11:37.360 --> 01:11:39.880 I've never seen anything like that ever. 1229 01:11:39.880 --> 01:11:44.480 He's like, just stand up and reach up and take one. 1230 01:11:44.480 --> 01:11:51.160 So as we release that over all of you right now, the earth is the Lord's and the fullness 1231 01:11:51.160 --> 01:11:52.160 thereof. 1232 01:11:52.160 --> 01:12:01.420 And the last time I checked in America alone, there's 65 million Christian singles. 1233 01:12:01.420 --> 01:12:04.420 And all you need is one. 1234 01:12:04.420 --> 01:12:06.820 All you need is one. 1235 01:12:06.820 --> 01:12:07.820 Come on, y'all. 1236 01:12:07.820 --> 01:12:08.820 All you need is one. 1237 01:12:08.820 --> 01:12:13.320 Now, I will say this, and I may or may not get to the rest of you that have questions. 1238 01:12:13.320 --> 01:12:14.320 Kenton's hand is still up. 1239 01:12:14.320 --> 01:12:17.780 If you want to put yours down, Kenton, so that I can see who's still left. 1240 01:12:17.780 --> 01:12:20.820 I may not get to those because I want to say this, you guys, this is a really important 1241 01:12:21.480 --> 01:12:22.480 conversation. 1242 01:12:22.480 --> 01:12:25.560 If you let this conversation set you free, it will. 1243 01:12:25.560 --> 01:12:29.860 It will set you free. 1244 01:12:29.860 --> 01:12:30.860 Come on. 1245 01:12:30.860 --> 01:12:36.560 Lucia, I'm sure that there are tons of singles in Canada too, Christian singles. 1246 01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:41.040 I know that it feels like, you know, that all of them are gone. 1247 01:12:41.040 --> 01:12:44.440 That's what Elijah thought about the prophets of Baal, right? 1248 01:12:44.440 --> 01:12:47.760 They're all gone. 1249 01:12:47.760 --> 01:12:53.960 I really challenge all of you to Google the population of your little township where you 1250 01:12:53.960 --> 01:12:58.720 live, not even the city that you live in, the township, the village maybe that you live 1251 01:12:58.720 --> 01:12:59.720 in. 1252 01:12:59.720 --> 01:13:01.920 And if there's more than one person, then guess what? 1253 01:13:01.920 --> 01:13:04.880 You have just what you need. 1254 01:13:04.880 --> 01:13:10.360 Not that your person's going to be right next door to you like mine. 1255 01:13:10.360 --> 01:13:13.520 Come on, you guys. 1256 01:13:13.520 --> 01:13:14.800 There's a marriage revival. 1257 01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:16.000 That's why this was born. 1258 01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:17.540 That's why last year's single exists. 1259 01:13:18.320 --> 01:13:20.420 It's not a business that I just decided to start one day. 1260 01:13:20.420 --> 01:13:24.820 No, God asked me to help his sons and daughters get married. 1261 01:13:24.820 --> 01:13:28.160 For those of you that are new, that's why we're here. 1262 01:13:28.160 --> 01:13:35.260 God arrested my attention in February of 2020 before the world pandemic. 1263 01:13:35.260 --> 01:13:39.140 He asked me, he said, Jackie, he said, will you take your matchmaking gift and will you 1264 01:13:39.140 --> 01:13:43.660 take the heartwork and will you help my single sons and daughters get married? 1265 01:13:43.660 --> 01:13:45.260 And I said, yes. 1266 01:13:45.260 --> 01:13:50.940 And now we have close to 2000 marriages in the last six years. 1267 01:13:50.940 --> 01:13:54.820 And I believe there's supposed to be many, many, many, many, many, many more. 1268 01:13:54.820 --> 01:13:59.100 In fact, in our VIP community friends, there's been at least three engagement announcements 1269 01:13:59.100 --> 01:14:02.380 in the last week. 1270 01:14:02.380 --> 01:14:08.980 There's been at least three or four weddings that have happened in the last month. 1271 01:14:08.980 --> 01:14:14.120 I'm going to another wedding this weekend in Kansas city. 1272 01:14:14.120 --> 01:14:19.040 There's another wedding that's happening two weeks from now. 1273 01:14:19.040 --> 01:14:23.440 There's another wedding that just happened three or four days ago. 1274 01:14:23.440 --> 01:14:26.440 It's happening. 1275 01:14:26.440 --> 01:14:31.480 Michelle, you are in the VIP community. 1276 01:14:31.480 --> 01:14:32.720 That's what I'm talking about. 1277 01:14:32.720 --> 01:14:35.000 Phase three. 1278 01:14:35.000 --> 01:14:37.680 That's how many weddings are happening. 1279 01:14:37.680 --> 01:14:39.860 That's how many engagements are happening. 1280 01:14:39.860 --> 01:14:44.580 Usually there's an engagement announcement every week or two. 1281 01:14:44.580 --> 01:14:48.220 It's happening for someone. 1282 01:14:48.220 --> 01:14:51.020 Why not you? 1283 01:14:51.020 --> 01:14:53.580 Are you willing to get up and reach up? 1284 01:14:53.580 --> 01:14:57.180 Oh, but here's the thing. 1285 01:14:57.180 --> 01:14:59.540 Y'all want a certain apple, don't you? 1286 01:14:59.540 --> 01:15:00.060 You don't like to. 1287 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.760 any apple, you want a certain apple. 1288 01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:06.800 The Lord did speak to me. 1289 01:15:06.800 --> 01:15:10.320 I don't have my notes here, but I was away at an inner healing retreat last weekend and 1290 01:15:10.320 --> 01:15:15.240 I was praying and I was journaling and the Lord told me that a lot of his singles are 1291 01:15:15.240 --> 01:15:23.960 taking a page from the playbook of their flesh when it comes to this area of their lives, 1292 01:15:23.960 --> 01:15:29.600 which means that our dear sister said, is it an idol? 1293 01:15:29.600 --> 01:15:37.000 No marriage is not an idol, but the person that you want to marry your type might be 1294 01:15:37.000 --> 01:15:40.340 an idol for you. 1295 01:15:40.340 --> 01:15:48.580 Because remember, if you want to be married for the reasons why we get married God's reasons 1296 01:15:48.580 --> 01:15:53.480 for making us male and female, because we're better together, then you need to marry someone 1297 01:15:53.480 --> 01:15:59.280 who you're better together with, not someone who your flesh likes to look at, someone who 1298 01:15:59.280 --> 01:16:04.520 you're better together, someone who makes you better, someone who you make better. 1299 01:16:04.520 --> 01:16:13.760 That's why I told, that's why I told our sister earlier that she wants a complimentary opposite. 1300 01:16:13.760 --> 01:16:17.880 She doesn't want someone just like her because that's not going to make her better. 1301 01:16:17.880 --> 01:16:19.060 That's not going to refine her. 1302 01:16:19.060 --> 01:16:20.200 That's not going to stretch her. 1303 01:16:20.200 --> 01:16:25.940 That's not going to cause any good change in her life. 1304 01:16:25.940 --> 01:16:30.040 That's not how that works. 1305 01:16:30.040 --> 01:16:34.260 So a lot of you, once again, you want something familiar. 1306 01:16:34.260 --> 01:16:38.240 You want something that you're attracted to, but you're still not willing. 1307 01:16:38.240 --> 01:16:40.380 And I'm going to go ahead and meddle a little bit. 1308 01:16:40.380 --> 01:16:48.200 You're not willing to take a look at how toxic your attractions are. 1309 01:16:48.200 --> 01:16:52.440 They're toxic. 1310 01:16:52.440 --> 01:16:56.800 They're not working out for you because they're not healthy. 1311 01:16:56.800 --> 01:17:03.360 They've taken you a lot of bad places and or no place at all because what you're attracted 1312 01:17:03.360 --> 01:17:08.160 to is not attracted to you. 1313 01:17:08.160 --> 01:17:11.540 So your attraction is either taking you no place at all, meaning that the thing that 1314 01:17:11.540 --> 01:17:14.520 you want doesn't want you back and so you can never get it. 1315 01:17:14.520 --> 01:17:17.880 And so you're always just unlucky in love. 1316 01:17:17.880 --> 01:17:21.500 And or the thing that you're attracted to has caused you hurt. 1317 01:17:21.500 --> 01:17:22.500 It's caused you pain. 1318 01:17:22.500 --> 01:17:23.500 Yeah. 1319 01:17:23.500 --> 01:17:28.240 It might've been a fun rollercoaster ride, but there's always a crash at the end. 1320 01:17:28.240 --> 01:17:32.800 Gentlemen, I'm talking to you as well. 1321 01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:37.520 For those of you that are attracted to women that you have to save, that's so sexy to you, 1322 01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:38.800 the damsel in distress. 1323 01:17:38.800 --> 01:17:39.800 You just love that. 1324 01:17:39.800 --> 01:17:42.640 How's that working out for you? 1325 01:17:42.640 --> 01:17:45.320 You're attracted to women that are out of your league. 1326 01:17:45.320 --> 01:17:49.160 You're attracted to women that are young and are not attracted to you. 1327 01:17:49.160 --> 01:17:53.640 Friends, I just looked, by the way, for as far as like age gap marriages, I've been asked 1328 01:17:53.640 --> 01:17:58.420 a lot about that in coaching and I've also been asked a lot about that on the news. 1329 01:17:58.420 --> 01:18:02.940 So when I go on the news like Fox News, ABC, NBC, when I go on the news programs, a lot 1330 01:18:02.940 --> 01:18:07.800 of times they want me to weigh in on age gap relationships and May, December romances and 1331 01:18:07.800 --> 01:18:09.120 different things. 1332 01:18:09.120 --> 01:18:15.520 And I will tell you, a study just came out, a brand new study, and it had all of the ages 1333 01:18:15.520 --> 01:18:22.320 of people from 20 all the way down to 50, so 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, all the way down. 1334 01:18:22.320 --> 01:18:30.040 And then right next to that age, so right next to the 20 of a 20 year old, it showed 1335 01:18:30.040 --> 01:18:35.360 the ideal age of their attraction. 1336 01:18:35.360 --> 01:18:39.960 So like for the women, for the women's chart, it was women 20 to 50. 1337 01:18:39.960 --> 01:18:43.960 And then next to the 20 year old woman, it said she was mostly attracted to a man who's 1338 01:18:43.960 --> 01:18:45.920 around 22. 1339 01:18:45.920 --> 01:18:49.520 And then next to the 21 year old woman, it said she was also attracted to someone who 1340 01:18:49.520 --> 01:18:51.560 was 22 years old. 1341 01:18:51.560 --> 01:18:55.000 But then on 22, it said she was attracted to 25 year olds. 1342 01:18:55.000 --> 01:19:01.240 And you guys, this is based on a lot of surveys and a lot of people weighing in. 1343 01:19:01.240 --> 01:19:06.320 The women were historically attracted to men all the way from 20 to 50. 1344 01:19:06.320 --> 01:19:11.740 They were attracted to men that were two to three years older than them, even all the 1345 01:19:11.740 --> 01:19:13.860 way down to 50. 1346 01:19:13.860 --> 01:19:18.000 But when we got to about 45, women had a tendency to be attracted to men that were a couple 1347 01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:19.120 years younger. 1348 01:19:19.120 --> 01:19:21.480 So 45, they're attracted to 43 year olds. 1349 01:19:21.480 --> 01:19:24.000 And then the 50 year old was attracted to a 46 year old. 1350 01:19:24.000 --> 01:19:25.680 You guys see what I'm saying? 1351 01:19:25.680 --> 01:19:30.240 Gentlemen, I don't mean to throw you under the bus, but according to this study that 1352 01:19:30.240 --> 01:19:33.280 just came out, they did the same thing with men. 1353 01:19:33.280 --> 01:19:37.880 The 20 year old man was the only one attracted to someone his own age, a 20 year old woman. 1354 01:19:37.880 --> 01:19:42.560 When we get to 21, 22, 23, they're all still attracted to the 20 year old. 1355 01:19:42.560 --> 01:19:46.920 When we get down to 35, he's still attracted to the 20 or 21 year old. 1356 01:19:46.920 --> 01:19:52.400 When we get down to 50, he still thinks that he's going to score or pull a 21 or 22 year 1357 01:19:52.400 --> 01:19:53.400 old. 1358 01:19:53.400 --> 01:19:55.560 Not okay. 1359 01:19:55.560 --> 01:19:57.000 It's not okay. 1360 01:19:57.000 --> 01:20:00.040 And I know that it probably was a survey that was given to. 1361 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.040 to not faith-based people, 1362 01:20:03.040 --> 01:20:05.680 but that mindset and mentality 1363 01:20:05.680 --> 01:20:09.160 has bleeded into the church, into the ecclesia. 1364 01:20:09.160 --> 01:20:10.000 When I say the church, 1365 01:20:10.000 --> 01:20:12.040 I don't mean like church that you go to. 1366 01:20:12.040 --> 01:20:16.600 I mean us, God's body, the body of Christ, 1367 01:20:16.600 --> 01:20:19.400 the church, the ecclesia, okay? 1368 01:20:19.400 --> 01:20:23.520 And because of that, a lot of you, once again, 1369 01:20:23.520 --> 01:20:27.160 are making some physicality an idol in your partnership. 1370 01:20:27.160 --> 01:20:30.460 You want someone who gets your engine running 1371 01:20:30.460 --> 01:20:35.460 instead of someone who's going to run with you to Jesus. 1372 01:20:35.800 --> 01:20:36.920 That's a problem. 1373 01:20:37.800 --> 01:20:40.340 Am I telling you to marry someone you're not attracted to? 1374 01:20:40.340 --> 01:20:43.080 No, I'm asking you to examine your attractions. 1375 01:20:45.360 --> 01:20:47.620 I'm asking you to examine your attractions. 1376 01:20:52.680 --> 01:20:53.960 It's really important. 1377 01:20:54.680 --> 01:20:59.560 All right, so God did tell me that. 1378 01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:00.600 He did speak that to me 1379 01:21:00.600 --> 01:21:02.140 when I was on the center healing retreat. 1380 01:21:02.140 --> 01:21:05.920 He said that singles in general that are Christian, 1381 01:21:05.920 --> 01:21:07.240 that are his people, 1382 01:21:08.720 --> 01:21:12.760 they're taking too much of their ideas 1383 01:21:12.760 --> 01:21:17.440 about this time in their life from TikTok, 1384 01:21:17.440 --> 01:21:19.940 from Instagram, from worldly things. 1385 01:21:21.160 --> 01:21:22.560 You guys, you don't live here. 1386 01:21:22.560 --> 01:21:23.760 You're pilgrims. 1387 01:21:24.440 --> 01:21:26.040 So you better marry another pilgrim. 1388 01:21:29.040 --> 01:21:33.600 Remember when God's people started going into new territory 1389 01:21:33.600 --> 01:21:35.760 and new lands that they weren't from? 1390 01:21:35.760 --> 01:21:37.040 What did he say to them? 1391 01:21:37.040 --> 01:21:40.700 Every single time he said, do not marry anyone from here. 1392 01:21:42.920 --> 01:21:45.080 Don't marry anyone from here. 1393 01:21:45.080 --> 01:21:47.600 Because if you do, it's going to cause a lot of problems. 1394 01:21:47.600 --> 01:21:51.180 Solomon, who was considered the wisest man that ever lived, 1395 01:21:52.180 --> 01:21:54.420 did exactly what God said not to do. 1396 01:21:54.420 --> 01:21:58.440 He married a whole bunch of women that served other gods. 1397 01:21:58.440 --> 01:21:59.380 And what did it do? 1398 01:21:59.380 --> 01:22:00.340 It messed him up. 1399 01:22:01.260 --> 01:22:04.300 Most of Ecclesiastes is just him being depressed. 1400 01:22:06.900 --> 01:22:09.140 Vanity, vanity, it's all vanity. 1401 01:22:09.140 --> 01:22:13.060 Yeah, bro, because you married 500 women 1402 01:22:13.060 --> 01:22:16.020 that serve idols and false gods. 1403 01:22:16.020 --> 01:22:16.960 It's a problem. 1404 01:22:17.960 --> 01:22:21.280 So if you're a pilgrim here, just like they were, 1405 01:22:21.280 --> 01:22:23.800 what did Abraham tell his servant? 1406 01:22:23.800 --> 01:22:27.720 He said, go find a wife for Isaac from my father's house. 1407 01:22:27.720 --> 01:22:30.640 Promise me that you will not allow him 1408 01:22:30.640 --> 01:22:32.520 to marry a woman from this land. 1409 01:22:35.520 --> 01:22:36.360 Promise me. 1410 01:22:39.280 --> 01:22:41.080 But some of y'all are trying to marry someone 1411 01:22:41.080 --> 01:22:42.040 from this land. 1412 01:22:42.040 --> 01:22:44.480 You're trying to marry someone from this world. 1413 01:22:45.120 --> 01:22:47.360 You're trying to marry someone from this world. 1414 01:22:47.360 --> 01:22:49.480 Someone who has not been born again. 1415 01:22:49.480 --> 01:22:53.800 Someone who is just straight up carnal cornflake. 1416 01:22:55.200 --> 01:22:56.380 They just live in their flesh. 1417 01:22:56.380 --> 01:22:57.960 They don't even know that they are a spirit 1418 01:22:57.960 --> 01:22:59.680 living in a body that possesses a soul. 1419 01:22:59.680 --> 01:23:01.080 They don't know anything like that, 1420 01:23:01.080 --> 01:23:03.360 but you're attracted to their body. 1421 01:23:03.360 --> 01:23:04.560 So you're marrying a body. 1422 01:23:04.560 --> 01:23:05.680 You're not marrying a spirit. 1423 01:23:05.680 --> 01:23:06.680 They're not a spirit mate. 1424 01:23:06.680 --> 01:23:09.320 They are a flesh mate, for real, for real. 1425 01:23:15.040 --> 01:23:18.480 So if it was good for our ancestors 1426 01:23:18.480 --> 01:23:20.440 to only marry among their own kind, 1427 01:23:20.440 --> 01:23:22.400 shouldn't we only marry among our kind? 1428 01:23:23.260 --> 01:23:25.900 Shouldn't we only marry other pilgrims? 1429 01:23:27.680 --> 01:23:29.440 That's this world is not their home. 1430 01:23:29.440 --> 01:23:30.920 They're just passing through. 1431 01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:33.020 Isn't that what we should be doing? 1432 01:23:33.020 --> 01:23:34.640 Why would you wanna marry a settler? 1433 01:23:34.640 --> 01:23:37.620 Why would you wanna marry an inhabitant of this world? 1434 01:23:40.140 --> 01:23:44.200 God says, if you love the world, you don't love me. 1435 01:23:44.840 --> 01:23:47.000 He even says, my love is not in you. 1436 01:23:48.200 --> 01:23:49.360 And so I really, you know, 1437 01:23:49.360 --> 01:23:51.080 I didn't mean to get to preach in tonight 1438 01:23:51.080 --> 01:23:52.720 and I don't ever talk like this. 1439 01:23:52.720 --> 01:23:54.000 So this is straight up Holy Spirit 1440 01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:57.640 because this seems super, super, super religious to me 1441 01:23:57.640 --> 01:23:58.800 for me to say this stuff. 1442 01:23:58.800 --> 01:24:01.120 But I just know in my heart of hearts 1443 01:24:01.120 --> 01:24:02.640 that God is saying to us, 1444 01:24:02.640 --> 01:24:05.100 we have got to start asking the Lord 1445 01:24:05.100 --> 01:24:08.960 to give us different eyes in which to see potential suitors. 1446 01:24:08.960 --> 01:24:11.000 We've got to ask God to give us different eyes 1447 01:24:11.000 --> 01:24:13.840 to see potential spirit mates. 1448 01:24:15.040 --> 01:24:17.320 We have to surrender our taste to the Lord, 1449 01:24:17.320 --> 01:24:18.920 our type to the Lord. 1450 01:24:18.920 --> 01:24:20.080 We have to say, God, 1451 01:24:20.080 --> 01:24:22.840 I do not wanna be looking for someone after my flesh. 1452 01:24:22.840 --> 01:24:25.640 I wanna be looking for someone after your spirit. 1453 01:24:25.640 --> 01:24:28.340 And I just know that if I'm walking in the spirit, 1454 01:24:28.340 --> 01:24:31.580 that I'm going to be attracted to the right person. 1455 01:24:38.720 --> 01:24:40.800 And you're not allowed to judge what that looks like. 1456 01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:42.080 If you walk in the spirit, 1457 01:24:42.080 --> 01:24:43.680 then you won't fulfill the lust of the flesh. 1458 01:24:43.680 --> 01:24:45.280 That's the bottom line. 1459 01:24:45.280 --> 01:24:47.480 So before you go on dates, you need to be praying. 1460 01:24:47.480 --> 01:24:49.680 Hey God, I wanna walk in your spirit and not the flesh. 1461 01:24:49.680 --> 01:24:51.560 I wanna see things the way that you see things. 1462 01:24:51.560 --> 01:24:54.460 I wanna see this person the way that you see this person. 1463 01:24:55.480 --> 01:24:58.680 My attractions are hidden in you. 1464 01:24:58.680 --> 01:25:00.280 Pauline, this is how you don't. 1465 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.020 marriage an idol. This is how you don't make dating an idol. You make it an exercise and following after the Spirit of God. 1466 01:25:06.020 --> 01:25:11.160 And yeah, you guys, I know it doesn't sound very exciting and it certainly doesn't sound very sexy, but you know what? 1467 01:25:12.000 --> 01:25:17.560 That's the world's playbook. We're supposed to, it's all supposed to be sexy. It's all supposed to be 1468 01:25:18.160 --> 01:25:20.680 intoxicating and erotic. That's where you get in trouble. 1469 01:25:22.320 --> 01:25:27.040 I'm just gonna tell you right now, your hormones are already gonna be involved and you are going to 1470 01:25:27.280 --> 01:25:30.960 enjoy the sex that you have with someone that you are in 1471 01:25:31.760 --> 01:25:36.840 love with, that you trust, that trusts Jesus, that prays with you and prays for you. 1472 01:25:37.600 --> 01:25:42.840 That is the sexiest thing anyone can ever do for you. Someone who's kind to you, someone who's 1473 01:25:43.040 --> 01:25:45.440 considerate, someone who loves you like Christ loved the church. 1474 01:25:45.600 --> 01:25:52.080 Gentlemen, a woman who looks up to you and admires you and thinks that you're amazing and trusts you, when a woman puts her 1475 01:25:52.080 --> 01:25:56.180 trust in you and you can tell that she is, you know, 1476 01:25:56.640 --> 01:26:01.320 believing that you know what to do next, that is very 1477 01:26:03.160 --> 01:26:05.160 attractive. 1478 01:26:07.320 --> 01:26:09.320 Very attractive. 1479 01:26:10.120 --> 01:26:12.120 Kind. 1480 01:26:13.080 --> 01:26:15.080 Feminine. 1481 01:26:16.080 --> 01:26:22.920 All right, if Felicia, Stephanie and Rosanna would just put their question in the chat, I'll just look at it really quickly. 1482 01:26:23.240 --> 01:26:26.400 But friends, I feel like we got done tonight what we needed to get done. 1483 01:26:26.400 --> 01:26:30.600 Looks like some of y'all just trying to make matches for yourself in the chat. I'm okay with that. 1484 01:26:40.600 --> 01:26:45.440 And if you haven't joined the book club ladies, there's a lot of men in the book club that are not in our community. 1485 01:26:45.440 --> 01:26:51.440 And so they're just from my Instagram following and I, you know, Christian following, but I am a Christian. 1486 01:26:51.440 --> 01:26:56.240 But I really do suggest that you try to get into this last book club of summer. 1487 01:26:56.240 --> 01:26:58.240 The sign up should be in your groups. 1488 01:26:58.240 --> 01:27:00.240 Yeah, there's a sign up in your group. 1489 01:27:00.240 --> 01:27:02.240 It's pinned to the announcements in your group. 1490 01:27:02.240 --> 01:27:04.240 Gentlemen, you have one as well. 1491 01:27:04.240 --> 01:27:06.240 So I definitely want to encourage all of you to get in there. 1492 01:27:06.240 --> 01:27:08.240 Lots of really cool coaching. 1493 01:27:08.240 --> 01:27:10.240 Lots of cool bragging. 1494 01:27:10.240 --> 01:27:12.240 Lots of really cool stuff. 1495 01:27:12.240 --> 01:27:14.240 Lots of really cool stuff. 1496 01:27:14.240 --> 01:27:16.240 Lots of really cool stuff. 1497 01:27:16.240 --> 01:27:18.240 Lots of really cool stuff. 1498 01:27:18.240 --> 01:27:20.240 Lots of really cool stuff. 1499 01:27:21.040 --> 01:27:23.040 Lots of cool breakout rooms. 1500 01:27:23.040 --> 01:27:25.040 Getting to know other people there. 1501 01:27:25.040 --> 01:27:27.040 Not just teaching. 1502 01:27:27.040 --> 01:27:29.040 There's a lot of breakout rooms. 1503 01:27:29.040 --> 01:27:31.040 In fact, there's some of the sessions are the majority of them are breakout rooms. 1504 01:27:31.040 --> 01:27:35.040 So you can compare notes and the things you read in the book with each other. 1505 01:27:35.040 --> 01:27:37.040 So that's good. 1506 01:27:41.040 --> 01:27:43.040 Pauline, don't be sorry. 1507 01:27:43.040 --> 01:27:45.040 That's a very important question. 1508 01:27:45.040 --> 01:27:47.040 And I hope that you feel some freedom. 1509 01:27:47.040 --> 01:27:49.040 I hope you feel some freedom tonight. 1510 01:27:49.840 --> 01:27:51.840 I know with Pauline, you're just so afraid to even want this. 1511 01:27:51.840 --> 01:27:59.840 Because you've been told that God just wants you to, you know, want to just be with Him and only Him. 1512 01:27:59.840 --> 01:28:03.840 You're not going to, you guys, if you get into a relationship that pulls you away from God. 1513 01:28:03.840 --> 01:28:09.840 If you have to step away from God to be in relationship with someone, they're not the right person. 1514 01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:11.840 But the right person will draw you closer to God. 1515 01:28:11.840 --> 01:28:13.840 The right person, you're not going to step away from God. 1516 01:28:13.840 --> 01:28:15.840 Your relationship with God is not going to diminish. 1517 01:28:16.640 --> 01:28:18.640 Because this person also loves God. 1518 01:28:18.640 --> 01:28:20.640 And they also are worshiping God. 1519 01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:22.640 And you're going to step in a relationship with them. 1520 01:28:22.640 --> 01:28:24.640 And both of your relationships with God is going to be strengthened. 1521 01:28:28.640 --> 01:28:30.640 All right. 1522 01:28:30.640 --> 01:28:32.640 All right. 1523 01:28:32.640 --> 01:28:34.640 I want to see, did these ladies put their questions in here? 1524 01:28:34.640 --> 01:28:36.640 I feel excited since the book club to be on the apps. 1525 01:28:36.640 --> 01:28:38.640 But then I get nervous when chatting. 1526 01:28:38.640 --> 01:28:40.640 Not sure if their chats aren't stimulating. 1527 01:28:40.640 --> 01:28:42.640 I want to put LYS into practice. 1528 01:28:42.640 --> 01:28:44.640 But my nerves are popping up. 1529 01:28:45.440 --> 01:28:47.440 Why is that? 1530 01:28:47.440 --> 01:28:49.440 Well, you guys pay attention to how your nervous system feels when you're chatting with people. 1531 01:28:49.440 --> 01:28:51.440 Because if you feel anxious when you're chatting with people, 1532 01:28:51.440 --> 01:28:53.440 then there could be a good reason why you feel that way. 1533 01:28:53.440 --> 01:28:55.440 And so you need to take some time after you get off the chat and just say to God, 1534 01:28:55.440 --> 01:28:57.440 Hey, you know, I need some time to process that. 1535 01:28:57.440 --> 01:28:59.440 I was feeling really anxious. 1536 01:28:59.440 --> 01:29:01.440 I wasn't feeling like I could be myself. 1537 01:29:01.440 --> 01:29:03.440 And it could be nothing more than chatting on dating apps is really unnatural. 1538 01:29:03.440 --> 01:29:05.440 We're not built for it. 1539 01:29:05.440 --> 01:29:07.440 We're not built for it. 1540 01:29:07.440 --> 01:29:09.440 We're not built for it. 1541 01:29:09.440 --> 01:29:11.440 We're not built for it. 1542 01:29:11.440 --> 01:29:13.440 We're not built for it. 1543 01:29:14.240 --> 01:29:16.240 We're not built to chat with strangers on dating apps. 1544 01:29:16.240 --> 01:29:18.240 And so you already just feel uncomfortable. 1545 01:29:18.240 --> 01:29:20.240 Just in general. 1546 01:29:20.240 --> 01:29:22.240 And it also can be like, 1547 01:29:22.240 --> 01:29:24.240 be because it's just not the right person to be chatting with. 1548 01:29:24.240 --> 01:29:26.240 Right? 1549 01:29:26.240 --> 01:29:28.240 And if that's the case, 1550 01:29:28.240 --> 01:29:30.240 you can just say, 1551 01:29:30.240 --> 01:29:32.240 Hey God, you know, 1552 01:29:32.240 --> 01:29:34.240 I think that maybe my nervous system, 1553 01:29:34.240 --> 01:29:36.240 my Holy Spirit, 1554 01:29:36.240 --> 01:29:38.240 my spidey sense is going off and telling me that, 1555 01:29:38.240 --> 01:29:40.240 you know, 1556 01:29:40.240 --> 01:29:42.240 I really shouldn't be chatting with this person. 1557 01:29:43.040 --> 01:29:45.040 And sometimes we just get to a place where just swiping on anybody 1558 01:29:45.040 --> 01:29:47.040 and everybody that looks good. 1559 01:29:47.040 --> 01:29:49.040 We're not even paying attention to what they're writing anymore. 1560 01:29:49.040 --> 01:29:51.040 And a lot of people don't even say anything 1561 01:29:51.040 --> 01:29:53.040 about their faith in their, 1562 01:29:53.040 --> 01:29:55.040 in their bios. 1563 01:29:55.040 --> 01:29:57.040 And I know it's really, really hard. 1564 01:29:57.040 --> 01:29:59.040 So it's hard. 1565 01:29:59.040 --> 01:30:01.040 And so stay on Christian. 1566 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.760 apps for the most part if you can. 1567 01:30:01.760 --> 01:30:03.240 Facebook dating is good though 1568 01:30:03.240 --> 01:30:04.840 because it shows you friends of friends. 1569 01:30:04.840 --> 01:30:06.920 And if you have a lot of Christian friends on Facebook, 1570 01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:08.880 it's gonna show you a lot of Christian people. 1571 01:30:08.880 --> 01:30:10.900 You see how that works? 1572 01:30:10.900 --> 01:30:13.760 If you have a lot of Christian friends on Facebook, 1573 01:30:13.760 --> 01:30:17.120 then Facebook dating is gonna show you friends of friends. 1574 01:30:17.120 --> 01:30:19.220 So they probably have a lot of Christian friends too. 1575 01:30:19.220 --> 01:30:22.760 So that's how you're gonna see a Christian demographic 1576 01:30:22.760 --> 01:30:25.680 on Facebook dating is because you have befriended 1577 01:30:25.680 --> 01:30:29.180 not just coworkers and other people from high school, 1578 01:30:29.220 --> 01:30:31.100 but people that you go to church with, 1579 01:30:31.100 --> 01:30:32.820 that you met at church conferences, 1580 01:30:32.820 --> 01:30:35.260 people that, whatever, are Christian. 1581 01:30:35.260 --> 01:30:38.540 That's how Facebook dating algorithm works, okay? 1582 01:30:38.540 --> 01:30:41.700 So Facebook dating and then Christian dating apps, 1583 01:30:42.580 --> 01:30:44.380 those are where you wanna be. 1584 01:30:44.380 --> 01:30:45.520 And you wanna make sure you're taking 1585 01:30:45.520 --> 01:30:47.900 a really good look at those bios. 1586 01:30:47.900 --> 01:30:50.700 Don't be desperate to swipe on someone 1587 01:30:50.700 --> 01:30:52.820 just so you can swipe on someone. 1588 01:30:52.820 --> 01:30:54.440 Make sure that you're swiping on people 1589 01:30:54.440 --> 01:30:58.500 that actually have something that you're looking for, okay? 1590 01:30:58.500 --> 01:31:00.300 The book club is recorded. 1591 01:31:00.300 --> 01:31:05.040 Replays are available after every session. 1592 01:31:06.220 --> 01:31:08.820 Brian and I are at the end point after eight months. 1593 01:31:08.820 --> 01:31:10.500 The reason he said he thinks we should 1594 01:31:10.500 --> 01:31:12.380 is because we talk over our differences, 1595 01:31:12.380 --> 01:31:15.460 but we seem to not be understanding each other. 1596 01:31:15.460 --> 01:31:17.800 Felicia, I'm just so sorry about that. 1597 01:31:17.800 --> 01:31:19.880 Being in a relationship with someone eight months 1598 01:31:19.880 --> 01:31:21.820 and then they say that they think that you guys 1599 01:31:21.820 --> 01:31:25.180 should go ahead and go your separate ways. 1600 01:31:25.180 --> 01:31:27.000 We talk about this in the book club, actually. 1601 01:31:27.000 --> 01:31:28.640 We talk about being able to discern 1602 01:31:28.640 --> 01:31:30.360 a lot earlier than eight months 1603 01:31:30.360 --> 01:31:33.520 whether or not someone is compatible to you 1604 01:31:33.520 --> 01:31:36.760 and or whether or not someone is really marriage-minded. 1605 01:31:36.760 --> 01:31:38.680 Now I'm saying that, I'm not saying 1606 01:31:38.680 --> 01:31:41.080 that you guys don't have a misunderstanding 1607 01:31:41.080 --> 01:31:45.000 or not healthy or not good communication 1608 01:31:45.000 --> 01:31:46.660 or easy communication. 1609 01:31:46.660 --> 01:31:49.280 Friends, communication doesn't have to be easy. 1610 01:31:49.280 --> 01:31:51.160 You just have to be willing to work at it. 1611 01:31:51.160 --> 01:31:56.160 When someone's not willing to work at communication with you, 1612 01:31:56.160 --> 01:31:57.520 that should tell you that they weren't 1613 01:31:57.520 --> 01:31:59.520 really that invested in the first place. 1614 01:32:01.480 --> 01:32:03.080 They weren't that invested in the first place. 1615 01:32:03.080 --> 01:32:06.160 And a lot of times, ladies, gentlemen, 1616 01:32:06.160 --> 01:32:08.160 this happens sometimes with women, 1617 01:32:08.160 --> 01:32:10.200 but it happens definitely more with men 1618 01:32:10.200 --> 01:32:12.000 where men are marriage-curious, 1619 01:32:12.000 --> 01:32:13.600 but they're not marriage-minded. 1620 01:32:14.560 --> 01:32:16.600 And so in the book and also in the book club, 1621 01:32:16.600 --> 01:32:19.160 I help you to see, gentlemen, you as well, 1622 01:32:19.160 --> 01:32:21.440 to see whether the person that you're talking to 1623 01:32:21.440 --> 01:32:24.720 is marriage-curious or are they marriage-minded? 1624 01:32:24.720 --> 01:32:26.440 Because a marriage-curious person 1625 01:32:26.440 --> 01:32:28.600 is gonna let go of you a lot easier. 1626 01:32:28.600 --> 01:32:29.840 They're not really in the market. 1627 01:32:29.840 --> 01:32:31.140 They're kind of window shopping. 1628 01:32:31.140 --> 01:32:34.160 They're curious about possibly being 1629 01:32:34.160 --> 01:32:36.100 in a serious relationship, 1630 01:32:36.100 --> 01:32:38.480 but they're not quite ready to buy yet. 1631 01:32:38.480 --> 01:32:39.680 And we don't want that. 1632 01:32:39.680 --> 01:32:40.880 That's no good. 1633 01:32:40.880 --> 01:32:44.160 So I wanna say to you and encourage you, Felicia, 1634 01:32:44.160 --> 01:32:47.160 that oftentimes there's the one before the one. 1635 01:32:47.160 --> 01:32:49.600 So really pray into what it is that you've learned 1636 01:32:49.600 --> 01:32:51.440 from the last eight months. 1637 01:32:51.440 --> 01:32:54.640 And oftentimes these kind of people circle back around 1638 01:32:55.560 --> 01:32:57.840 and I want you to go ahead and have some time with Jesus 1639 01:32:57.840 --> 01:33:01.220 about if he circles back around, Brian, 1640 01:33:02.720 --> 01:33:04.500 what would have to be different 1641 01:33:04.500 --> 01:33:06.720 in order for you to even give it another chance? 1642 01:33:06.720 --> 01:33:08.400 What would have to be different? 1643 01:33:08.400 --> 01:33:11.120 Not just some lip service of, oh, you know, 1644 01:33:11.120 --> 01:33:13.200 I thought about it and I changed my mind. 1645 01:33:13.200 --> 01:33:16.660 No, you'd have to re-engage with him 1646 01:33:16.660 --> 01:33:18.320 if you wanted to give him another chance 1647 01:33:18.320 --> 01:33:22.280 with a different set of criteria about readiness 1648 01:33:22.280 --> 01:33:24.120 and about where this is going 1649 01:33:24.120 --> 01:33:26.720 and how you're gonna get there together 1650 01:33:26.720 --> 01:33:29.120 as far as conversation, communication, 1651 01:33:29.120 --> 01:33:30.720 whatever needs to happen. 1652 01:33:30.720 --> 01:33:33.760 Otherwise, friends, you never go back to a relationship 1653 01:33:33.760 --> 01:33:35.240 that's broken up with you 1654 01:33:35.240 --> 01:33:38.780 if something significant hasn't changed. 1655 01:33:38.780 --> 01:33:40.600 There has to be a significant change. 1656 01:33:40.600 --> 01:33:43.040 And I don't mean they're telling you that they've changed 1657 01:33:43.040 --> 01:33:45.040 or they're telling you they feel differently. 1658 01:33:45.040 --> 01:33:48.080 There has to be something significant that has shifted 1659 01:33:48.080 --> 01:33:49.440 in order for us to try again. 1660 01:33:49.440 --> 01:33:51.320 Otherwise we're gonna end up right back here 1661 01:33:51.320 --> 01:33:53.960 and usually the second time hurts even worse than the first. 1662 01:33:54.800 --> 01:33:55.640 And we don't want that. 1663 01:33:55.640 --> 01:33:57.760 I'm noticing a pattern where I go on dates and feel drained 1664 01:33:57.760 --> 01:33:59.400 because the guy talks most of the time 1665 01:33:59.400 --> 01:34:01.860 where I feel like I have to lead the whole conversation. 1666 01:34:01.860 --> 01:34:04.520 So she's saying it's one or the other. 1667 01:34:04.520 --> 01:34:07.780 He's a yapper or he doesn't talk at all. 1668 01:34:07.780 --> 01:34:10.360 I'm a counselor and it feels more like a therapy session 1669 01:34:10.360 --> 01:34:11.640 versus a date. 1670 01:34:11.640 --> 01:34:14.400 I took my profession off my profile, 1671 01:34:14.400 --> 01:34:15.460 which has helped a little bit, 1672 01:34:15.460 --> 01:34:18.880 but how do I stop this pattern? 1673 01:34:18.880 --> 01:34:20.480 Good question. 1674 01:34:20.480 --> 01:34:22.000 Gentlemen, I just wanna let you know 1675 01:34:22.000 --> 01:34:24.220 the number one complaint that I get from women, 1676 01:34:24.220 --> 01:34:26.160 especially women over 40 years old, 1677 01:34:26.160 --> 01:34:29.320 is that men either don't ask them any questions 1678 01:34:31.560 --> 01:34:33.800 and or they never stop talking. 1679 01:34:36.880 --> 01:34:38.960 This is not your TED Talk when you're on dates. 1680 01:34:38.960 --> 01:34:41.400 This is not your podcast, okay? 1681 01:34:41.400 --> 01:34:43.220 It's called a conversation. 1682 01:34:43.220 --> 01:34:45.800 Sometimes men are like this because they're nervous. 1683 01:34:45.800 --> 01:34:48.240 And so there's random stream of consciousness. 1684 01:34:48.240 --> 01:34:50.120 So there's no lull in the conversation 1685 01:34:50.120 --> 01:34:51.520 where there's awkwardness. 1686 01:34:52.000 --> 01:34:54.680 Some people are deathly afraid of awkwardness, okay? 1687 01:34:54.680 --> 01:34:58.280 And or they just talk a lot. 1688 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.600 And it's fair for you to assess that within the first two dates. 1689 01:35:03.600 --> 01:35:07.280 If it's nerves, then he's going to do it. 1690 01:35:07.280 --> 01:35:10.960 Probably the first date, maybe by the end of the first date, if you start to kind of 1691 01:35:10.960 --> 01:35:14.540 get him warmed up and kind of chilled out, he may stop doing it. 1692 01:35:14.540 --> 01:35:17.120 But if he does it every time you see him, then that's what he does. 1693 01:35:17.120 --> 01:35:22.160 And you might want to just go ahead and say, you know, thank you next. 1694 01:35:22.160 --> 01:35:25.960 And then, and you know, and don't be afraid if you guys, if it's a woman or a man, if 1695 01:35:25.960 --> 01:35:31.600 someone does something that is really, really not good and it's going to keep them from 1696 01:35:31.600 --> 01:35:35.920 relationship, yeah, it's going to hurt their feelings and it's kind of hard not to offend 1697 01:35:35.920 --> 01:35:36.920 them. 1698 01:35:36.920 --> 01:35:39.440 But you might just want to say when they say, Hey, you know, I'd like to see you again. 1699 01:35:39.440 --> 01:35:40.960 And you're like, Hey, I don't think that we're a match. 1700 01:35:40.960 --> 01:35:42.880 Why don't you think we're a match? 1701 01:35:42.880 --> 01:35:46.900 Well, because you know, you, you, you do talk a lot. 1702 01:35:46.900 --> 01:35:51.000 And even though I've enjoyed the things that you've said, you never gave me a chance to 1703 01:35:51.000 --> 01:35:52.000 talk. 1704 01:35:52.000 --> 01:35:57.600 And, and if you really like the person, you have a lot in common with them and you really 1705 01:35:57.600 --> 01:36:01.080 like them, this is just the one thing that you don't like about them. 1706 01:36:01.080 --> 01:36:05.560 You might say something to them on the second date and just say, Hey, you know, I know you 1707 01:36:05.560 --> 01:36:07.800 like to talk, but I like to talk too. 1708 01:36:07.800 --> 01:36:11.520 So I'd like to get a word in here edgewise, kind of make it funny, see what can happen 1709 01:36:11.520 --> 01:36:12.520 there. 1710 01:36:12.520 --> 01:36:15.200 Then if the person doesn't talk at all, once again, it can be nerves. 1711 01:36:15.200 --> 01:36:19.060 So give them at least a couple of chances, Stephanie, to show you who they are. 1712 01:36:19.060 --> 01:36:22.480 If you really like them, if they have all of your non-negotiables, but this is the one 1713 01:36:22.480 --> 01:36:26.860 deal breaker that you don't like because they can't stop talking. 1714 01:36:26.860 --> 01:36:28.060 Make a joke about it. 1715 01:36:28.060 --> 01:36:30.180 See if they course correct. 1716 01:36:30.180 --> 01:36:31.180 All right. 1717 01:36:31.180 --> 01:36:32.180 Okay. 1718 01:36:32.180 --> 01:36:33.180 All right. 1719 01:36:33.180 --> 01:36:35.700 Kim's, Kim's talking to a guy who's 12 years younger. 1720 01:36:35.700 --> 01:36:36.700 She's 46. 1721 01:36:36.700 --> 01:36:37.700 All right. 1722 01:36:37.700 --> 01:36:38.700 The shoe is on the other foot. 1723 01:36:38.700 --> 01:36:41.980 Um, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1724 01:36:41.980 --> 01:36:47.860 Oh, Candy's like, Jackie, weren't you going to give us some, 1725 01:36:48.140 --> 01:36:51.020 um, skincare products? 1726 01:36:51.020 --> 01:36:52.020 You're right. 1727 01:36:52.020 --> 01:36:53.020 And I forgot. 1728 01:36:53.020 --> 01:36:54.020 So I need to do that. 1729 01:36:54.020 --> 01:36:55.020 Thank you. 1730 01:36:55.020 --> 01:36:56.020 Please remind me. 1731 01:36:56.020 --> 01:36:58.180 Post in the Facebook group and remind me. 1732 01:36:58.180 --> 01:36:59.180 All right. 1733 01:36:59.180 --> 01:37:00.180 I think that's it, friends. 1734 01:37:00.180 --> 01:37:01.180 I got to let you guys go. 1735 01:37:01.180 --> 01:37:02.180 It's over an hour and a half. 1736 01:37:02.180 --> 01:37:03.740 I appreciate you. 1737 01:37:03.740 --> 01:37:09.260 Please, please remember and say, Father God, I just pray right now that all of those that 1738 01:37:09.260 --> 01:37:16.300 were underneath this religious yoke that Pauline was talking about, this hard yoke, you said 1739 01:37:16.300 --> 01:37:21.700 Jesus that you came to free us from these yokes, to free us from these ideas that literally 1740 01:37:21.700 --> 01:37:26.900 have us in bondage, any type of religious ideas, any type of legalism, I pray that you 1741 01:37:26.900 --> 01:37:31.220 would reveal it and heal it, that you would show us the places where we believe that you're 1742 01:37:31.220 --> 01:37:34.340 not a good father and that you don't give good gifts to your children. 1743 01:37:34.340 --> 01:37:38.340 The places that we believe our desires are not good. 1744 01:37:38.340 --> 01:37:40.620 And you only want us to desire religious things. 1745 01:37:40.620 --> 01:37:45.300 You only want us to desire prayer or reading the Bible or doing some sort of religious 1746 01:37:45.300 --> 01:37:47.380 act of some sort, some church thing. 1747 01:37:47.380 --> 01:37:52.340 Lord, show us how you've made us fearfully and wonderfully, how our desires, how the 1748 01:37:52.340 --> 01:37:57.580 things that we enjoy doing, how the things we enjoy looking at and reading and seeing, 1749 01:37:57.580 --> 01:38:03.900 how all of the beauty of how you've made us, how it's all from you, that you made us differently. 1750 01:38:03.900 --> 01:38:09.740 Each and every one of us, you knit us together in our mother's womb, our fathers, our DNA, 1751 01:38:09.740 --> 01:38:14.260 our genetics, everything about us is so beautiful and so unique. 1752 01:38:14.260 --> 01:38:15.860 You don't want cookie cutters. 1753 01:38:15.860 --> 01:38:21.260 You don't want little people marching around doing the same thing as other people. 1754 01:38:21.260 --> 01:38:23.340 You want us to have joy. 1755 01:38:23.340 --> 01:38:32.760 You want us to desire more things and more ideas and more opportunities. 1756 01:38:32.760 --> 01:38:35.720 You want us to live big and full lives. 1757 01:38:35.720 --> 01:38:39.660 You want us to prosper even as our soul prospers. 1758 01:38:39.660 --> 01:38:42.860 You want us to have joy. 1759 01:38:42.860 --> 01:38:44.540 You want us to enjoy our lives. 1760 01:38:44.540 --> 01:38:46.020 I really feel that really strongly. 1761 01:38:46.020 --> 01:38:49.820 You guys, God's trying to tell you, you know, I don't want you to all be alike. 1762 01:38:49.820 --> 01:38:51.420 I don't want you to want the same things. 1763 01:38:51.420 --> 01:38:53.500 I don't want you to enjoy the same things. 1764 01:38:53.500 --> 01:38:57.200 I want you to just be you and I want you to be okay being you and I want you to enjoy 1765 01:38:57.200 --> 01:38:59.560 the gift that I've given you called life. 1766 01:38:59.560 --> 01:39:01.700 So father, help us to enjoy it. 1767 01:39:01.700 --> 01:39:03.380 Help us to stop shaming ourselves. 1768 01:39:03.380 --> 01:39:05.060 Help us to stop shooting ourselves. 1769 01:39:05.060 --> 01:39:09.460 Help us to stop doing the things that keep us small and minimize us. 1770 01:39:09.460 --> 01:39:13.620 Help us Lord to live a big life, a big life that you have for us. 1771 01:39:13.620 --> 01:39:14.620 It's not going to be easy. 1772 01:39:14.620 --> 01:39:16.380 It's going to be worth it. 1773 01:39:16.380 --> 01:39:21.020 And so Lord, whatever's holding us back, whatever religious ideas in any area of our life that 1774 01:39:21.020 --> 01:39:25.580 tell us that we're to stay small and that we can't enjoy or love the things that you've 1775 01:39:25.580 --> 01:39:30.340 placed in our heart, the desires in our heart to enjoy and love, that those things are lies. 1776 01:39:30.340 --> 01:39:35.500 They're not from you and that we can break free from them and enjoy this lovely life 1777 01:39:35.500 --> 01:39:37.500 that you've given us in Jesus name. 1778 01:39:37.500 --> 01:39:38.500 Amen. 1779 01:39:38.540 --> 01:39:39.540 All right, friends. 1780 01:39:39.540 --> 01:39:41.420 I hope that you live a big life. 1781 01:39:41.420 --> 01:39:42.420 We love you. 1782 01:39:42.420 --> 01:39:42.780 I'll see you soon.