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Alright, welcome to Modern Dating Sucks Book Club.

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I am so excited to have all of you here.

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We are going to have such a good time.

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I have done two book clubs this summer and they have both been phenomenal.

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The second one, the last day of it is tomorrow, so they have their fifth and final week tomorrow

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and you guys are starting right now on Sundays.

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I decided to go ahead and give it a weekend try, a weekend offering because a lot of times

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people tell me I'm just not available during the week at night time and perhaps maybe you're

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just exhausted because of the type of work you do and you just don't feel like getting

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back on a screen, right?

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And then hopefully you've had a really nice relaxing Sunday for most people.

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Some of you had to work probably, but I'm so glad that you're here.

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So if you're new to me and some of you, put your hand up, your little avatar hand up so

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I can see it.

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If you are completely new to me and you just met me over Instagram, you just met me over

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some form of social media, my Facebook, my Instagram, you're new.

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Maybe a friend introduced you to us.

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You're just not part of anything that I've done before.

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You haven't read any of my books.

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You don't know who I am.

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Only one, two, Angela and Adrian, they're like, yeah, girl, we don't know you.

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That's all right.

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We'll get to know you really well over the next five weeks.

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Hopefully that's going to be a good thing for you.

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All right.

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Just two.

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Wow.

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That's amazing.

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Okay.

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The rest of you know me from somewhere.

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So go ahead and raise your hand if you are part of my last year single program and you're

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just hopping in here to make sure that you get in on the book club before it's over.

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Let me see all of the folks in the last year single LYS program.

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Yes, 17, 18, 19, go ahead and throw some hearts, some emojis, some fire emojis up in the chat

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to show everyone that's not part of that.

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Just how amazing last year single is, how much you love it, how much it's been changing

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your life, especially your love life.

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Let's see those hearts, those fire emojis, those thumbs up in the chat telling people,

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Hey, I love it.

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It's been amazing.

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It's been a huge part of my development process in my love life.

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All right.

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There they come.

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All right.

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Some are like, I'm not in it, but a good friend of mine is in it.

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That's awesome.

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Well, you guys, we only did this for book club this summer, but we have a special that's

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going to happen at the end of your book club at the end of five weeks.

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You are going to have an opportunity to jump into last year single for just the subscription

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of $37.

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So that's going to be amazing.

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I really want to encourage you when that time comes five weeks from now, even if you only

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do it for a month because you decide, you know, you don't want to do it or you don't

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like it, you're going to like it and you're going to stay, but you might as well just

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go ahead and try it.

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Make, you know, make good on that offer because it's an incredible offer.

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And like I said, we've never done that before, except here in book club.

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So that's going to be an amazing opportunity.

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Let me see the hands of people that have the actual physical book, Modern Dating Sucks.

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Raise your hand in here.

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You do not need to buy it friends, unless you absolutely have to have it.

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The ebook is included in your materials and I'm going to go over that in just a second,

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but I want to see the folks that have the actual physical book.

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You like paper, you like doodling, you like underlying and stuff and drawing on stuff.

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So you had to get it.

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Let's see all of those hands.

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All right.

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About 15 of you.

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Okay.

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It's available on Amazon.

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For those of you that want to want to grab it, I think it's about two day shipping, so

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you should probably get it.

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You'll definitely get it before next week's class.

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So if you want it, it's there and otherwise the ebook is there in your, in your portal.

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So let's talk about your portal for a second.

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So all of you are on something called the last year single app.

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And if you're not part of any of my other programs like last year single, then you don't

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have access to any of the other things on the app.

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So I just want to let you know, the app is vast.

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It has lots of programming on it.

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It has lots of groups on it.

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It has lots of coaching on it, but you won't be able to see that because you only have

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access to what you purchased, which is the book club.

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In the book club.

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I'm going to go ahead and look at it on my phone so that I can describe it to you.

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For those of you that haven't gotten over there yet,

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well, you had to have

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because that's how you got the link to get here tonight.

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So you definitely went over there.

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So I have a lot of different things

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in my last year single app

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because obviously I own the app and my app.

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And so there's lots and lots of things in here,

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lots of portals, lots of groups, lots of coaching,

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lots of access, but you have access

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to your last year single book club.

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And if you click on that picture of me, Jackie D,

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then you're gonna go in there

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and at the top, you're gonna see community,

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announcements, courses, replays, events, and resources.

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Resources is where you can find that book on Amazon.

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If you don't wanna go search it on Amazon,

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if you just go under your resource tab,

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the book link is already there.

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You can just click it and do your thing.

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Events tab is where you're gonna find the link

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to join us live every single week.

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The replay tab is where you're gonna find the replay

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of the lives every single week.

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The course tab is where you're gonna find

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your course material.

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You're not gonna have access to all five weeks.

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You're only gonna have access to one week at a time

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because I don't want you to work ahead.

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There is no trophy for getting this done quick.

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I want you to take time

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and I want you to really process it, okay?

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So that's gonna be super important.

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So if you click on that, right now you have access

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to a welcome video, the instructions,

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the Modern Dating Sucks ebook,

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and the week one reading assignment,

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activation questions, and worksheet.

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Not every week has a worksheet, friends,

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but there are plenty of worksheets

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in the actual reading coursework book, okay?

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So announcements is where anything's gonna be

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that's coming from me.

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So if you click that tab announcements,

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the only thing that's gonna be pinned there

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is stuff I'm telling you,

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not anything that anyone else is telling you, just me.

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And the community tab is where your posts

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are gonna show up.

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Underneath that, you see another toolbar that says all,

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and that means everybody, my announcements and your posts.

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Wins is where I want you to put breakthroughs.

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So instead of pushing the community or the all button

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and making your post, if you have a breakthrough,

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if you have a testimony, if you have a praise report,

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if you got an aha moment during this book club,

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go ahead and post it under there

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so we can celebrate with you.

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And then under the questions tab,

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that is where you're gonna ask your questions

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to your coach, which is me, okay?

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So if you have a question,

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it's not just you wanting to post something,

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it's not just you wanting to take a picture of yourself

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to introduce yourself,

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I want you all to introduce yourself in there.

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Where are you gonna do that?

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Under the all tab.

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Under the all tab, who are you?

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Where do you live?

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You never know, you might meet your BFF in here,

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you might meet your future spouse in here.

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It's happened before, it'll happen again.

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And then under the questions tab,

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that's where you're gonna post your questions for me

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as we go forward.

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Cool?

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All right?

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If you have any questions about that,

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go ahead and put it in the chat

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and I'll grab those questions at the end.

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My trustee admin will grab those questions for us

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so we can grab them at the end.

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All right, all right you guys,

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I'm so glad that you are here tonight

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and I do believe that you will leave this book club

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different than you came in.

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I know there's a lot of discouragement out there,

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there's a lot of stuff out there you guys

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that could cause us to just be like, you know what?

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Maybe this just isn't for me.

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Maybe romance isn't for me, maybe marriage isn't for me,

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maybe I should just pack it up and I should give up.

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But I believe that you've been divinely led here

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because I believe marriage is for you.

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And you know how you can't talk me out of it?

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I've already had a front row seat

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to almost 2,000 love stories

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through my program last year single.

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And there are every type of love story you can think of.

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The people had every kind of backstory you can think of.

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Single parents, divorces, disabilities,

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active diagnoses of chronic health problems,

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all shapes, all sizes, all heights, all weights,

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all colors, all ages.

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So you can't disqualify yourself with me

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because you're not disqualified.

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And I'm hoping that tonight on week one,

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I can help show you that

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even though you probably do have some hard work to do,

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we all do,

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although you probably are operating underneath some filters

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that need to be cleaned off

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and we'll help you do some of that here.

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A lot of that you're gonna need to continue on

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in last year single because we do a lot of that.

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I'm gonna help you get clear as much as I can

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on what's keeping you stuck.

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But the number one thing that I'm gonna prove to you tonight

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and hopefully prove to you over the course

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of this book club is that the whole system is broken.

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The whole system is broken.

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Let me see the hands of people that would consider themselves a Christian or a believer.

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I just want to see who I'm talking to tonight.

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Go ahead and put your hand up.

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If you're if you consider yourself a person of faith, a believer, a Christian.

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I have all kinds of different people that join this book club.

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This book club is for marriage-minded individuals, not necessarily Christians, but I am a Christian.

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So I'm be coaching you from a place of truth, my highest truth.

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And so if you're not a Christian, do not worry.

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You're not in the wrong place.

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We're not going to proselytize you.

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We're not going to shove Jesus down your throat.

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That's not going to happen here.

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But we are going to talk about how Divine Design, regardless of how you think Divine

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Design happened, Divine Design from the very beginning put men and women together because

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they're better together.

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Better together.

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Created, designed to be better together.

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So about 40 of you guys.

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All right, that's very helpful.

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All right, awesome.

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Now, how many of you would just consider yourself spiritual?

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Can I see those hands?

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People that consider themselves spiritual.

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You believe that there's a higher purpose in you being alive.

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You believe there's a higher purpose in your love story besides you just Netflix

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and chilling.

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You just believe that there's a higher purpose for you, a higher plan for you.

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You might not really know what it is, but you know that you want it.

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Can I see all that?

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All those people.

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All right, about 12 of you.

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Okay, awesome.

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All right.

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Well, I believe that there is a higher purpose for your love story and I believe

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it's about lineage and it's about legacy and the system has been very, very broken

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for a really long time as you read in your homework.

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I hope all of you guys did your homework.

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Otherwise going to be talking French to you tonight.

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You'd be like, what's she talking about?

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Go read your book.

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Co do your homework and then you'll know exactly what we're talking about.

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Now, there is a bonus private Facebook community for those of you that actually

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are here, you know, you paid for the book club.

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You're in the book club.

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The app is amazing.

253
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It has community in the app.

254
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I really want to encourage you to use the community tab in the app as much as

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possible, but there is a bonus Facebook community.

256
00:12:11.100 --> 00:12:12.900
If you hate Facebook, you're not alone.

257
00:12:12.900 --> 00:12:13.500
And guess what?

258
00:12:13.500 --> 00:12:15.500
You don't have to join that bonus community.

259
00:12:15.500 --> 00:12:17.000
You don't have to be there at all.

260
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You're not going to miss anything if you're not there, but we made it available

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00:12:21.800 --> 00:12:26.500
because there are some people who just love Facebook and they just want to be

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there.

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00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:33.400
And so it is there for you if you want to be there and you got that link in an

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00:12:33.400 --> 00:12:35.700
email when you join the book club.

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Okay.

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00:12:36.800 --> 00:12:37.200
All right.

267
00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:38.500
Are you guys ready to get started?

268
00:12:40.700 --> 00:12:42.800
Diana, the homework is in the portal.

269
00:12:42.800 --> 00:12:45.800
I just showed you guys where you're going to find that under your coursework.

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00:12:45.800 --> 00:12:51.100
If you click there week ones homework questions worksheet is all there waiting

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00:12:51.100 --> 00:12:51.700
for you.

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Now one thing that I want to say about having success.

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We have people in our other two book clubs already dating successfully where

274
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they weren't before already in relationships and meeting people where

275
00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:06.600
they weren't before you guys.

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It happens fast as the last year single ladies will tell you it happens fast for

277
00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:11.700
some people.

278
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:15.500
Some people are slower burn, but for a lot of people this kind of breakthrough

279
00:13:15.500 --> 00:13:20.600
happens fast because you're like, oh wait, I see how I've just been kind of

280
00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:21.900
sabotaging myself here.

281
00:13:21.900 --> 00:13:23.400
I've been believing a lot of lies.

282
00:13:23.400 --> 00:13:27.100
I've been doing a lot of things that are just shooting myself in the foot.

283
00:13:28.900 --> 00:13:30.000
And I got to stop doing that.

284
00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:32.700
And once I stopped doing that, oh, I start to make progress.

285
00:13:32.800 --> 00:13:34.200
I don't have a limp anymore.

286
00:13:34.300 --> 00:13:35.800
I'm going faster than before.

287
00:13:36.500 --> 00:13:38.600
In fact, friends, I had someone like that.

288
00:13:39.900 --> 00:13:42.700
She was about the most spiritual girl you could ever meet.

289
00:13:42.800 --> 00:13:45.600
She just saw signs everywhere all the time.

290
00:13:45.900 --> 00:13:49.500
The problem is, is that the signs that she was seeing kept pointing her to the

291
00:13:49.500 --> 00:13:50.800
same old type of guy.

292
00:13:51.800 --> 00:13:54.000
And that type of guy was an abusive guy.

293
00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:59.800
You know, the empath and narcissist bond is real.

294
00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:01.600
The attraction is real there.

295
00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:06.800
So if you're a real spiritual, empathic, intuitive, girly, you're going to need

296
00:14:06.800 --> 00:14:08.800
this teaching and coaching during this book club.

297
00:14:09.000 --> 00:14:13.000
All right, and hopefully you'll join last year single so we can continue to keep

298
00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:14.500
you healthy and keep you focused.

299
00:14:14.800 --> 00:14:19.500
But when she first came to me, she had a whole lot of trauma from the

300
00:14:19.500 --> 00:14:22.900
relationships that she kept choosing over and over again thinking they were a

301
00:14:22.900 --> 00:14:23.800
different person.

302
00:14:24.300 --> 00:14:28.700
And I'm happy to report to you that she got married last night.

303
00:14:29.700 --> 00:14:31.800
And she was such a beautiful bride.

304
00:14:32.700 --> 00:14:35.300
And she's such a beautiful person on the inside and outside.

305
00:14:35.300 --> 00:14:39.200
But what's so exciting about her, and I've had lots of lots of women like her

306
00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:43.100
come through the program, is that she married an incredible man.

307
00:14:44.100 --> 00:14:48.800
A really solid, incredible man, a man who's taking care of his body, who's

308
00:14:48.800 --> 00:14:52.900
taking care of his finances, who's taking care of his family.

309
00:14:53.800 --> 00:14:59.800
Yet that has done the work, who has lots of healthy community around him, lots of

310
00:14:59.800 --> 00:15:00.100
healthy.

311
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.400
The family around him, they were surrounded by healthy family and community at their wedding.

312
00:15:04.400 --> 00:15:06.560
It was just amazing, you guys.

313
00:15:06.560 --> 00:15:11.480
And that was very, very, very different from how she came in.

314
00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:16.160
And so I want to just encourage you, and I have another, I have another wedding just

315
00:15:16.160 --> 00:15:20.520
coming up in about two weeks, not the same type of person.

316
00:15:20.520 --> 00:15:25.320
I could probably divide all of you if I wanted to, and kind of five different avatars, five

317
00:15:25.320 --> 00:15:26.560
different avatars.

318
00:15:26.560 --> 00:15:29.240
And of course, guys, you would be the sixth avatar, right?

319
00:15:29.240 --> 00:15:32.840
And I can divide the men probably into three or four avatars.

320
00:15:32.840 --> 00:15:35.920
This is a co-ed book club, I just want to tell you in advance, I don't know how many

321
00:15:35.920 --> 00:15:41.480
men are in this, but in book club two and one and two, we had quite a few men.

322
00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:46.680
But I could divide the ladies in here up into about five avatars.

323
00:15:46.680 --> 00:15:48.280
What would those avatars be divided in?

324
00:15:48.280 --> 00:15:51.840
And kind of how you approach life and how you approach your love life and how you approach

325
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:56.680
dating and how you've approached relationships in the past and what it's looked like in your

326
00:15:56.680 --> 00:15:57.760
life.

327
00:15:57.760 --> 00:16:03.440
And there's a couple of those avatars that have a harder time than others, definitely

328
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:05.440
for sure.

329
00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:08.840
And everyone, everyone can have a love story, like I said before, but there's a couple of

330
00:16:08.840 --> 00:16:13.480
those avatars that they really self-sabotage a lot.

331
00:16:13.480 --> 00:16:18.080
They give, give, give, give, and they attract take, take, takers, and a lot of things happen.

332
00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:21.200
And I really, really want to encourage you that signing up for this book club is not

333
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:22.600
the win.

334
00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:28.840
It's partially a win, but the real win is showing up for this book club because you're

335
00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:31.880
not going to figure out which of those five you are until you're in here.

336
00:16:31.880 --> 00:16:35.000
And some of you may think that you're someone completely different than who you are.

337
00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:38.720
And hopefully the material in this book and in this coaching is really going to help you

338
00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:47.920
see what you need to see to absolutely weed out the people that should not be in your

339
00:16:47.920 --> 00:16:53.480
presence very, very, very quickly with no apologies.

340
00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:57.440
That is one of the main breakthroughs that I want you to have in this book club, both

341
00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:06.319
men and women, is that you no longer waste even one moment of your precious time on people

342
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:11.400
who are going to hurt you, betray you, use you, abuse you, liars, cheaters, beaters,

343
00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:15.079
all of those things, but also people that just are not marriage minded.

344
00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:18.920
They're marriage curious, but they're not marriage minded because all of you without

345
00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:21.079
fail are old enough to know better.

346
00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:26.280
And you probably wanted to be married a year ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago.

347
00:17:26.280 --> 00:17:29.100
Some of you have been dreaming about this since you were a little girl or a little boy.

348
00:17:29.100 --> 00:17:36.540
And the bottom line is, is there's no reason to waste any more time, correct?

349
00:17:36.540 --> 00:17:38.740
There's no reason to waste any more time.

350
00:17:38.740 --> 00:17:42.500
And so we're not gonna, we're not gonna waste any more time.

351
00:17:42.500 --> 00:17:44.300
And so that's the number one thing that you're going to get.

352
00:17:44.300 --> 00:17:51.260
If you don't just sign up, you show up, you're going to leave here knowing exactly what you

353
00:17:51.260 --> 00:17:54.900
need to look for, what needs to be happening, what the other person needs to be showing

354
00:17:54.900 --> 00:17:58.120
you in order to even get to the second date.

355
00:17:58.120 --> 00:18:07.420
Not the second month, not the second set of crazy, but just the second date.

356
00:18:07.420 --> 00:18:08.420
Okay.

357
00:18:08.420 --> 00:18:12.380
Yes, we can weed it out that early when we do this type of work.

358
00:18:12.380 --> 00:18:15.460
It's probably going to take you more like three dates if someone's not violating your

359
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:19.220
non-negotiables from the very beginning, but it won't take you more than four.

360
00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:20.340
I'll tell you that right now.

361
00:18:20.340 --> 00:18:21.340
Okay.

362
00:18:21.340 --> 00:18:22.340
So you have to engage.

363
00:18:22.340 --> 00:18:23.340
You have to show up.

364
00:18:23.340 --> 00:18:25.060
If you can't be here live, please watch the replay.

365
00:18:25.060 --> 00:18:26.460
You have to do the homework.

366
00:18:26.460 --> 00:18:28.640
The only thing that won't be on the replay is our breakouts.

367
00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:32.580
We're going to have breakouts every single time that we're together.

368
00:18:32.580 --> 00:18:34.820
And we're going to do that tonight so you guys can get to know each other.

369
00:18:34.820 --> 00:18:35.980
We'll do that in just a few minutes.

370
00:18:35.980 --> 00:18:38.100
In fact, I'm going to go ahead and do that now.

371
00:18:38.100 --> 00:18:42.200
So you guys put your city, state, your country in the chat.

372
00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:46.520
So I'm going to break you out into just small groups where you can just introduce yourself,

373
00:18:46.520 --> 00:18:50.060
tell them who you are, where you're from.

374
00:18:50.060 --> 00:18:51.580
You can share your age if you want to.

375
00:18:51.580 --> 00:18:56.280
You can share your relationship history as far as if you're divorced or never been married,

376
00:18:56.280 --> 00:18:58.680
if you're a single parent or not.

377
00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:02.440
Share as much or as little as you want, but then you're going to share the reason why

378
00:19:02.440 --> 00:19:04.080
you joined the book club.

379
00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:08.280
What was the tipping point for you to pull the trigger to join this book club?

380
00:19:08.280 --> 00:19:12.960
What is the outcome that you're hoping to have from this book club besides get married?

381
00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:17.400
What's the other thing that you're hoping to not do anymore, to start doing, to see,

382
00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:18.740
to not see?

383
00:19:18.740 --> 00:19:19.740
What is it?

384
00:19:19.740 --> 00:19:21.640
What's the thing that you're like, man, I need that.

385
00:19:21.640 --> 00:19:22.640
I'm going to join.

386
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:23.640
Okay.

387
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:24.640
All right.

388
00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:26.960
Let's go ahead and put you in groups and then we'll come back and we'll finish the rest

389
00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:34.720
of our housekeeping and jump into our recap of our first homework assignment.

390
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:40.480
All right.

391
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:42.040
Nobody hogs the time.

392
00:19:42.040 --> 00:19:46.200
You're only going to have 10 minutes in these rooms, so let everyone share and there's going

393
00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:49.720
to be two to three to four people per room.

394
00:19:49.720 --> 00:19:50.720
All right.

395
00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:51.720
All right.

396
00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:55.080
You're going to see something pop up on your screen that says join your room and that's

397
00:19:55.080 --> 00:19:56.120
how you're going to get there.

398
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:16.000
Silence.

399
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:50.000
Silence.

400
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:52.000
All right.

401
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:53.360
You guys are rolling back in.

402
00:20:53.360 --> 00:20:57.520
If you can put your camera on, I would love to see your faces.

403
00:20:57.520 --> 00:20:58.800
If you can't, I understand.

404
00:20:58.800 --> 00:21:04.080
If you're someplace where you just can't be on camera, you're driving, you want to pay

405
00:21:04.080 --> 00:21:09.000
attention to the road, that's all right too.

406
00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:21.960
We're going to wait for everyone to get out of their rooms in 10, 9, 8.

407
00:21:21.960 --> 00:21:30.480
Here it comes.

408
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:31.480
All right.

409
00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:36.840
Welcome back.

410
00:21:36.840 --> 00:21:37.840
All right.

411
00:21:37.840 --> 00:21:40.440
Just put some of those answers in the chat right now so people who weren't in your groups

412
00:21:40.440 --> 00:21:41.440
can see it.

413
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:42.480
Why did you join?

414
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:44.520
What was the deciding factor?

415
00:21:44.520 --> 00:21:45.740
What made you do it?

416
00:21:45.740 --> 00:21:51.800
What was the catalyst besides just being single and wanting to be married?

417
00:21:51.800 --> 00:21:57.720
Go ahead and put it in the chat.

418
00:21:57.720 --> 00:21:58.720
A summer of love.

419
00:21:58.720 --> 00:21:59.720
Okay.

420
00:21:59.720 --> 00:22:04.320
And you guys, it's not too late to have a summer of love.

421
00:22:04.320 --> 00:22:09.140
I mean, literally relationships start so fast.

422
00:22:09.140 --> 00:22:13.300
They start so, so fast, especially when you've done the work they've done, they just start

423
00:22:13.300 --> 00:22:14.300
so fast.

424
00:22:14.300 --> 00:22:17.480
And a lot of you have done a lot of work and I'm not implying that you have all this crazy

425
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:18.480
work to do.

426
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:22.160
So we're going to talk about that right now, about what's working against you.

427
00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:28.980
You're doing the work, but you're walking uphill against a wind that's pushing you back.

428
00:22:28.980 --> 00:22:31.560
So we're going to talk about that.

429
00:22:31.560 --> 00:22:36.000
Self-help, needing encouragement, needing perspective, needing all the things.

430
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:37.000
Okay.

431
00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:38.000
Love it.

432
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:40.680
Some of you guys, when you come back from breakouts, sometimes your microphones are

433
00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:41.680
still on.

434
00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:43.200
So please be careful of that.

435
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:48.640
You don't want everyone to hear what's going on at your house.

436
00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:51.040
Dogs barking, kids yelling.

437
00:22:51.040 --> 00:22:52.040
Okay.

438
00:22:52.040 --> 00:22:55.660
You guys see all these different reasons, but there are so many reasons that are so

439
00:22:55.660 --> 00:22:57.180
similar, right?

440
00:22:57.180 --> 00:22:58.780
And that's what I want you guys to see about each other.

441
00:22:58.780 --> 00:23:00.320
You guys are all so similar.

442
00:23:00.320 --> 00:23:03.240
And so if you thought you were the only person out here dealing with what you're dealing

443
00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:07.620
with, you thought you're the only person out here that just hasn't stepped into a love

444
00:23:07.620 --> 00:23:11.500
story and you just feel like you're the only person still in the waiting room and you have,

445
00:23:11.500 --> 00:23:18.740
you have number 999,672 and all those people get to go before your turn.

446
00:23:18.740 --> 00:23:19.740
Okay.

447
00:23:19.740 --> 00:23:23.020
If that's how you've been feeling, it's just not true.

448
00:23:23.020 --> 00:23:24.140
It's just not true.

449
00:23:24.140 --> 00:23:27.100
Some of you are saying in the chat, Hey, I really need help with dating.

450
00:23:27.100 --> 00:23:28.100
Just in general.

451
00:23:28.100 --> 00:23:29.100
I need help with pacing.

452
00:23:29.100 --> 00:23:34.760
I either go way, way too fast or I go way too slow and we're not going to get fully

453
00:23:34.760 --> 00:23:39.700
into insecure attachment styles, but two insecure attachment styles that I teach about in last

454
00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:43.400
year single are avoidance and anxious.

455
00:23:43.400 --> 00:23:48.480
And those are the things that could be at play when you go way too fast, you connect,

456
00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:51.200
you feel deeply, you love quickly.

457
00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:53.100
And that's a beautiful gift that you might have.

458
00:23:53.100 --> 00:23:58.060
But when that gift gets overextended, it becomes a weakness, a weakness that usually gets you

459
00:23:58.060 --> 00:23:59.220
in real trouble.

460
00:23:59.220 --> 00:24:00.220
Okay.

461
00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:04.780
Same thing for those of you that it just takes forever to have any feelings for someone.

462
00:24:04.780 --> 00:24:07.620
And, and a lot of times you can just never get there.

463
00:24:07.620 --> 00:24:11.640
You just, you're like, ah, I just, I've gone out with a lot of people, but I just don't

464
00:24:11.640 --> 00:24:12.740
like anyone.

465
00:24:12.740 --> 00:24:16.460
I just don't want to see anyone again more than once.

466
00:24:16.460 --> 00:24:20.660
Now if that is a common denominator going on in your dating life, there's probably something

467
00:24:20.660 --> 00:24:26.380
beneath that of fear of making the wrong decision or needing chemistry, the kind of chemistry

468
00:24:26.380 --> 00:24:31.700
that oftentimes leads to unhealthy relationship in order to see that this person is someone

469
00:24:31.700 --> 00:24:32.700
you want to keep seeing.

470
00:24:32.700 --> 00:24:36.340
We're going to get into all of that in week three and four.

471
00:24:36.340 --> 00:24:37.340
So don't you worry.

472
00:24:37.340 --> 00:24:40.540
Tonight we're going to talk about how it's the system and not you.

473
00:24:40.540 --> 00:24:48.220
Did you guys know by the year 2030 women and men between the ages of 25 to 45 will be 50%

474
00:24:48.220 --> 00:24:49.460
single.

475
00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:51.140
That's just in four years.

476
00:24:51.140 --> 00:24:56.580
It's in three and a half years, 50% single at the most marriageable time in life.

477
00:24:56.580 --> 00:24:59.980
I want to point that out now, a huge percentage of my.

478
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080
Success stories are people over 45.

479
00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:04.560
So if you're over 45, it doesn't count you out

480
00:25:04.560 --> 00:25:06.120
and it doesn't leave you out.

481
00:25:06.120 --> 00:25:08.480
But the fact that that's an actual statistic

482
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:12.840
that's being put out by the statistic machine,

483
00:25:12.840 --> 00:25:15.080
and what is the statistic machine?

484
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:17.440
It is the machine that creates

485
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:19.280
all of the funding opportunities

486
00:25:19.280 --> 00:25:21.080
and all the investment opportunities.

487
00:25:21.080 --> 00:25:24.480
It's big business and it's based on a lot of metrics

488
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.880
and so it's not wrong, okay?

489
00:25:27.880 --> 00:25:29.000
It's not wrong.

490
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.400
But that's why I do what I do

491
00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:33.600
because I want to make it a liar

492
00:25:33.600 --> 00:25:38.400
because 50% single, 25 to 45,

493
00:25:38.400 --> 00:25:39.540
by the way, if you do the math,

494
00:25:39.540 --> 00:25:42.000
you'll see that that's mostly millennials.

495
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:45.720
The millennials really got hit hard by a lot of stuff

496
00:25:45.720 --> 00:25:47.960
that kept them very, very single.

497
00:25:47.960 --> 00:25:50.960
Okay, Gen X, a lot of Gen X is divorce,

498
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:52.760
some millennials as well, of course.

499
00:25:52.760 --> 00:25:55.200
And then Gen Z is kind of bringing marriage back.

500
00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:57.400
Gen Z is getting married younger.

501
00:25:57.400 --> 00:25:59.560
They're getting more excited about relationships.

502
00:26:00.080 --> 00:26:02.240
We got a lot of hope for Gen Z over here,

503
00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:05.320
but millennials, they got really the short end of the stick.

504
00:26:05.320 --> 00:26:07.840
Gen X, a lot of times got married

505
00:26:07.840 --> 00:26:09.160
before knowing who they were,

506
00:26:09.160 --> 00:26:11.360
before really having any identity formed,

507
00:26:11.360 --> 00:26:12.680
and then they married someone

508
00:26:12.680 --> 00:26:15.480
who they couldn't sustain long-term relationship with,

509
00:26:15.480 --> 00:26:16.800
and then they ended up divorced.

510
00:26:16.800 --> 00:26:18.720
And of course, all of these people

511
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:21.600
are baby boomer kids for the most part, right?

512
00:26:21.600 --> 00:26:24.400
The baby boomers, the younger baby boomers

513
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:28.080
are the Gen X parents and the older baby boomers

514
00:26:28.080 --> 00:26:31.800
are the Gen Z or the Gen Y, the millennial parents.

515
00:26:31.800 --> 00:26:34.320
And so it's important for us to understand

516
00:26:34.320 --> 00:26:35.640
where we're coming from.

517
00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:37.760
So the kind of dating that we do right now

518
00:26:37.760 --> 00:26:41.320
where a guy asks you out, maybe you dropped the hanky,

519
00:26:41.320 --> 00:26:44.200
maybe you hinted that you wanted to be asked out,

520
00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:46.440
but the guy asks you out, he asks you on a date,

521
00:26:46.440 --> 00:26:48.800
he asks you to go out with him someplace,

522
00:26:48.800 --> 00:26:52.320
and then he either comes and picks you up or meet you there,

523
00:26:52.320 --> 00:26:56.140
that type of dating is just a little over 100 years old.

524
00:26:57.140 --> 00:27:02.140
This is not the way that we dated over 100 years ago.

525
00:27:02.300 --> 00:27:03.780
How did we date over 100 years ago?

526
00:27:03.780 --> 00:27:05.300
We'll go watch a Jane Austen movie

527
00:27:05.300 --> 00:27:07.580
and then you'll figure it out.

528
00:27:07.580 --> 00:27:09.540
We dated within our villages.

529
00:27:09.540 --> 00:27:11.200
We all lived in villages, y'all.

530
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:12.420
We didn't live in the big city.

531
00:27:12.420 --> 00:27:13.820
Nobody lived in the big city.

532
00:27:13.820 --> 00:27:15.280
Everybody lived in villages.

533
00:27:15.280 --> 00:27:17.020
They lived in townships.

534
00:27:17.020 --> 00:27:19.480
They lived in rural communities.

535
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:20.320
Why?

536
00:27:20.320 --> 00:27:22.080
Because we were an agricultural society.

537
00:27:23.460 --> 00:27:24.820
I don't care what country you're from.

538
00:27:24.820 --> 00:27:25.940
That's the way it was.

539
00:27:26.740 --> 00:27:29.540
And then something called the Industrial Revolution hit.

540
00:27:30.580 --> 00:27:31.500
What is that?

541
00:27:31.500 --> 00:27:32.500
That's factories.

542
00:27:32.500 --> 00:27:33.500
That's automation.

543
00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:36.060
Instead of people making things by hand,

544
00:27:36.060 --> 00:27:37.620
machines started making things.

545
00:27:37.620 --> 00:27:39.620
But somebody's gotta run those machines.

546
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:42.540
So who's gonna run those machines?

547
00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:44.060
All the boys.

548
00:27:44.060 --> 00:27:47.100
So the boys, instead of staying and farming the family farm

549
00:27:47.100 --> 00:27:49.820
or doing whatever it was, becoming a clergyman

550
00:27:49.820 --> 00:27:53.040
or doing law in your small hamlet,

551
00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:56.000
besides those jobs, the boys,

552
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:58.000
especially the ones that weren't gonna go to university,

553
00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:00.280
the ones that weren't going to be scholars

554
00:28:00.280 --> 00:28:03.040
or clergymen or lawyers or doctors,

555
00:28:03.040 --> 00:28:06.040
those boys all went to the city to work in the factories.

556
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:09.720
But the boys are gonna live in the city now

557
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:11.240
and they're gonna need to buy clothes

558
00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:12.680
and they're gonna need to buy food.

559
00:28:12.680 --> 00:28:14.540
And so shops are gonna have to open.

560
00:28:14.540 --> 00:28:16.160
Shops that sell things to who?

561
00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:17.880
To the guys that work in the factories,

562
00:28:17.880 --> 00:28:20.040
to the families that move to the city.

563
00:28:20.040 --> 00:28:22.240
Who's gonna sell those things in those shops?

564
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.340
Girls, all the girls,

565
00:28:24.340 --> 00:28:26.140
all the girls that didn't become governesses,

566
00:28:26.140 --> 00:28:28.000
all the girls that didn't get married.

567
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:28.960
Where did they go?

568
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:32.220
They went to the city too, to work in the shops.

569
00:28:32.220 --> 00:28:33.920
Stay with me, because this is really important

570
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:36.320
because you're about to learn something really new

571
00:28:36.320 --> 00:28:38.320
if you didn't know this before.

572
00:28:38.320 --> 00:28:40.080
So the boys from the factories

573
00:28:40.080 --> 00:28:41.700
and the girls from the shops,

574
00:28:42.520 --> 00:28:43.740
they didn't know each other before.

575
00:28:43.740 --> 00:28:45.960
They didn't come from the same villages, the same hamlets.

576
00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:47.440
They didn't come from the same townships.

577
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:52.220
So now we've got strangers at the most marriageable age

578
00:28:53.060 --> 00:28:53.900
that you can be.

579
00:28:53.900 --> 00:28:54.740
All the young people before they got married

580
00:28:54.740 --> 00:28:56.500
went to the cities for different reasons.

581
00:28:56.500 --> 00:28:58.340
And now they like each other.

582
00:28:58.340 --> 00:28:59.900
They're feeling chemistry with each other.

583
00:28:59.900 --> 00:29:01.620
Like, oh, that shop girl's cute.

584
00:29:01.620 --> 00:29:02.780
Do we know any of her people?

585
00:29:02.780 --> 00:29:03.900
Well, no, we don't know her people.

586
00:29:03.900 --> 00:29:05.660
She comes from someplace far away.

587
00:29:05.660 --> 00:29:07.940
She doesn't come from a village near our village.

588
00:29:07.940 --> 00:29:09.280
So what's gonna happen next?

589
00:29:09.280 --> 00:29:11.060
Well, I'm gonna take her on a date.

590
00:29:11.060 --> 00:29:13.100
You guys, the newspapers back in this time

591
00:29:13.100 --> 00:29:15.640
called dating scandalous.

592
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:17.840
In fact, it was a derogatory term

593
00:29:17.840 --> 00:29:21.560
that was used for young people being reckless and wild.

594
00:29:21.560 --> 00:29:23.360
And they said in those news articles

595
00:29:23.360 --> 00:29:26.180
that dating was going to destroy society.

596
00:29:26.180 --> 00:29:28.200
And I mean, where's the lie?

597
00:29:28.200 --> 00:29:30.000
A lot of you would agree that dating sucks,

598
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:31.440
especially modern dating sucks.

599
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:34.180
And this is where modern dating came from.

600
00:29:34.180 --> 00:29:37.280
But ladies, I want you to hold on to your knickers

601
00:29:37.280 --> 00:29:39.160
for a second, okay?

602
00:29:39.160 --> 00:29:40.180
Because I'm about to tell you

603
00:29:40.180 --> 00:29:44.160
where the boy paying for you came from, from this.

604
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:44.980
You know why?

605
00:29:44.980 --> 00:29:46.040
Because the guys in the factories

606
00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:47.360
were making a livable wage

607
00:29:47.360 --> 00:29:50.800
and the girls in the shops were not making a livable wage.

608
00:29:50.800 --> 00:29:52.720
Now this is before the first world war

609
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:53.800
when the boys went off to war

610
00:29:53.800 --> 00:29:55.820
and the girls went to the factories.

611
00:29:55.820 --> 00:29:57.360
That's what happened.

612
00:29:57.360 --> 00:29:58.680
But this was before then.

613
00:29:58.680 --> 00:30:00.720
This is during the industrial revolution.

614
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.220
And when the guy took you out, guess what?

615
00:30:02.220 --> 00:30:04.380
He had to pay your way to the picture show

616
00:30:04.380 --> 00:30:06.300
or to the dance or to the food.

617
00:30:06.300 --> 00:30:08.980
And the reason why was because you couldn't afford to go

618
00:30:08.980 --> 00:30:10.420
unless a boy took you.

619
00:30:12.100 --> 00:30:14.300
You didn't have the extra income.

620
00:30:14.300 --> 00:30:16.420
You were sending your income home

621
00:30:16.420 --> 00:30:18.260
and you were living in some kind of boarding house

622
00:30:18.260 --> 00:30:21.300
and you barely had enough money to live

623
00:30:21.300 --> 00:30:24.060
because you weren't being paid a livable wage.

624
00:30:24.060 --> 00:30:26.220
Can you hear what I'm saying?

625
00:30:27.080 --> 00:30:30.840
So this whole chivalry thing is just patriarchy.

626
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:31.960
That's all it ever was.

627
00:30:31.960 --> 00:30:34.760
And gentlemen, you didn't start it.

628
00:30:34.760 --> 00:30:37.600
It wasn't your fault, but it was the patriarchy.

629
00:30:37.600 --> 00:30:38.480
That's what it was.

630
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:41.140
And so it always cracks me up when men are online

631
00:30:41.140 --> 00:30:43.120
and they're complaining about women wanting their money.

632
00:30:43.120 --> 00:30:46.200
It's like, hello, you started this whole thing, okay?

633
00:30:47.140 --> 00:30:48.920
But now women do have their own jobs

634
00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:50.080
and they do have their own money

635
00:30:50.080 --> 00:30:52.240
and they don't need men to pay for their meals.

636
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:55.400
And so now it's become just an act of chivalry.

637
00:30:55.420 --> 00:30:56.980
It no longer is a necessity.

638
00:30:56.980 --> 00:30:59.360
Do you guys hear what I'm saying?

639
00:30:59.360 --> 00:31:01.000
It's a chivalrous act.

640
00:31:01.000 --> 00:31:03.100
And we'll talk about whether or not a guy should

641
00:31:03.100 --> 00:31:06.340
or shouldn't do that when we get later into this book club.

642
00:31:06.340 --> 00:31:07.380
But I want you to stay with me

643
00:31:07.380 --> 00:31:11.920
about how dating has just developed over the last 100 years.

644
00:31:11.920 --> 00:31:13.740
And then what happened after that time,

645
00:31:13.740 --> 00:31:16.100
after the industrial revolution, the wars came,

646
00:31:16.100 --> 00:31:18.700
the guys went off to war, the girls went to the factories.

647
00:31:18.700 --> 00:31:21.180
We had to keep working outside the home.

648
00:31:21.180 --> 00:31:22.960
We had to keep the countries going.

649
00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:24.740
We had to keep the households going.

650
00:31:24.800 --> 00:31:27.960
And then the guys came back in the mid forties.

651
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:29.600
That's when all the wars were over.

652
00:31:29.600 --> 00:31:32.120
World War I, World War II, the guys come back.

653
00:31:32.120 --> 00:31:34.520
Whoever didn't get killed, they come back.

654
00:31:34.520 --> 00:31:37.040
They've even gotten married or not gotten married.

655
00:31:37.040 --> 00:31:39.360
And there's a baby boom because they finally came home

656
00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:41.640
and now everyone's having sex and having babies.

657
00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:43.440
But then what happens is the 1950s

658
00:31:43.440 --> 00:31:48.280
and the 1950s was an opportunity for a reset.

659
00:31:48.280 --> 00:31:51.360
Society was like, okay, we've had a lot of hard knocks.

660
00:31:51.360 --> 00:31:53.720
We want to get things back to where they used to be

661
00:31:53.740 --> 00:31:55.380
before all this crazy stuff.

662
00:31:55.380 --> 00:31:58.220
So guys, you go back to work, ladies, you stay home,

663
00:31:58.220 --> 00:32:00.060
have the babies, raise the babies.

664
00:32:00.060 --> 00:32:04.380
And we're going to have this beautiful marketing thing

665
00:32:04.380 --> 00:32:06.660
that says that this is the golden age

666
00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:08.340
and this is the way that life should be.

667
00:32:08.340 --> 00:32:10.460
And this is the way that everybody wants to live.

668
00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:13.540
The problem is, is that it was too far gone.

669
00:32:15.140 --> 00:32:17.220
Things have been too upside down for too long.

670
00:32:17.220 --> 00:32:18.220
You can't just tell people,

671
00:32:18.220 --> 00:32:20.780
okay, now we're just gonna go back to the way it used to be.

672
00:32:20.780 --> 00:32:22.840
No, and so when you see all those videos

673
00:32:22.860 --> 00:32:25.060
of the boy calling to ask for the date

674
00:32:25.060 --> 00:32:27.180
and how he's supposed to and knocking on the door

675
00:32:27.180 --> 00:32:28.860
and taking her in her little poodle skirt

676
00:32:28.860 --> 00:32:30.460
to get a milkshake and all that,

677
00:32:30.460 --> 00:32:33.020
propaganda, friends, propaganda.

678
00:32:33.020 --> 00:32:34.260
And you know how I know that?

679
00:32:34.260 --> 00:32:37.060
Because the 60s were right on the heels of the 50s

680
00:32:37.060 --> 00:32:38.340
and guess what happened then?

681
00:32:38.340 --> 00:32:40.740
Everyone was like, forget this.

682
00:32:40.740 --> 00:32:41.580
We're not doing this.

683
00:32:41.580 --> 00:32:42.780
We want free love.

684
00:32:42.780 --> 00:32:43.860
We want birth control.

685
00:32:43.860 --> 00:32:45.020
We want abortion on demand.

686
00:32:45.020 --> 00:32:46.700
We want divorce on demand.

687
00:32:46.700 --> 00:32:49.060
We're not going back to the way things used to be

688
00:32:49.060 --> 00:32:51.100
because we don't want that anymore.

689
00:32:51.120 --> 00:32:53.880
We don't wanna have to depend on men to pay for our stuff.

690
00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:55.480
We wanna be the men that our women,

691
00:32:55.480 --> 00:32:57.000
that our moms wanted us to marry

692
00:32:57.000 --> 00:32:58.280
and this happened and that happened

693
00:32:58.280 --> 00:32:59.560
and the sitcoms came out.

694
00:32:59.560 --> 00:33:01.380
Like being single is great.

695
00:33:01.380 --> 00:33:04.840
The 70s, the 80s, the 90s, being single is amazing.

696
00:33:04.840 --> 00:33:06.680
Don't you wanna be single?

697
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:07.680
Single became a hobby.

698
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:09.000
It became a recreational sport.

699
00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:11.760
And you guys, you inherited this.

700
00:33:11.760 --> 00:33:13.280
The reason why I'm telling you the backstory

701
00:33:13.280 --> 00:33:14.640
is because you think, oh, you know,

702
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:16.480
I just, there's something wrong with me.

703
00:33:16.480 --> 00:33:18.720
I just can't find someone who wants to get married.

704
00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:20.360
I can't find someone who likes me,

705
00:33:20.380 --> 00:33:21.820
someone who will fall in love with me.

706
00:33:21.820 --> 00:33:25.220
No, things have been broken for about a century.

707
00:33:26.500 --> 00:33:28.540
And not that they weren't broken before that, you guys.

708
00:33:28.540 --> 00:33:32.100
Not that, you know, arranged marriages

709
00:33:32.100 --> 00:33:34.320
and marrying someone from your farming community

710
00:33:34.320 --> 00:33:36.260
and not that any of that stuff was perfect.

711
00:33:36.260 --> 00:33:37.100
It wasn't.

712
00:33:37.100 --> 00:33:38.280
You had a lack of options.

713
00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:39.220
You had to get married.

714
00:33:39.220 --> 00:33:40.540
Women didn't have jobs.

715
00:33:40.540 --> 00:33:41.660
There were a lot of things that were wrong

716
00:33:41.660 --> 00:33:42.800
with it back then,

717
00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:45.580
but there were a lot of things

718
00:33:45.580 --> 00:33:47.420
that were right with it as well.

719
00:33:47.420 --> 00:33:49.560
And so I'm on a mission to bring the village back.

720
00:33:49.580 --> 00:33:50.400
Who's with me?

721
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:51.820
I want to bring back the village.

722
00:33:51.820 --> 00:33:53.660
I want us to actually know the people

723
00:33:53.660 --> 00:33:56.660
that we're dating within the six degrees of separation

724
00:33:56.660 --> 00:33:58.340
because there's so many people in the world now.

725
00:33:58.340 --> 00:34:01.140
There's eight plus billion people in the world.

726
00:34:01.140 --> 00:34:03.260
There's a thing called the six degrees of separation

727
00:34:03.260 --> 00:34:05.340
that just means that you are six people

728
00:34:05.340 --> 00:34:07.180
within knowing everyone in the whole

729
00:34:07.180 --> 00:34:10.500
eight billion people world.

730
00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:12.219
And I've tried it out.

731
00:34:12.219 --> 00:34:14.179
Like I've just taken famous people and been like,

732
00:34:14.179 --> 00:34:17.699
okay, how many people am I away from knowing that person?

733
00:34:17.800 --> 00:34:19.340
And it's less than six.

734
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:22.840
Regardless of how you like or don't like Donald Trump,

735
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:24.360
I'm one degree away from knowing him.

736
00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:27.239
One of my close friends does stuff for him

737
00:34:27.239 --> 00:34:28.340
and works for him.

738
00:34:29.400 --> 00:34:30.719
Whether you like him or not, doesn't matter.

739
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:31.739
Same with Obama.

740
00:34:33.159 --> 00:34:35.560
Same with Justin Bieber.

741
00:34:36.980 --> 00:34:37.820
Same with Russell Brands.

742
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:39.199
Same with Elon Musk.

743
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:40.040
You're like, well, Jack,

744
00:34:40.040 --> 00:34:41.179
you're just a well-connected person.

745
00:34:41.179 --> 00:34:43.820
No, I mean, I am, but no, that's not it.

746
00:34:44.760 --> 00:34:48.280
It is scientifically, sociologically proven

747
00:34:48.280 --> 00:34:50.320
that you are six people or less

748
00:34:50.320 --> 00:34:51.960
from knowing every single person in the world.

749
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:53.480
And you know what?

750
00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:56.400
That's why I created this idea, this phrase.

751
00:34:56.400 --> 00:34:57.360
I coined this phrase.

752
00:34:57.360 --> 00:34:58.200
I put it in my book.

753
00:34:58.200 --> 00:34:59.200
I teach it all the time.

754
00:34:59.200 --> 00:35:00.040
For those of you that are in,

755
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.540
I, my program, you know, I say it all the time.

756
00:35:02.540 --> 00:35:04.880
That just means that somebody knows somebody

757
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:07.240
who knows somebody who knows your spirit mate.

758
00:35:07.240 --> 00:35:12.240
Right now, somebody has your spirit mate's name

759
00:35:12.620 --> 00:35:15.060
in their phone contact list.

760
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:16.940
They work with them.

761
00:35:16.940 --> 00:35:18.540
Somebody you know works with someone

762
00:35:18.540 --> 00:35:21.100
who works with someone who knows them.

763
00:35:21.100 --> 00:35:23.900
Somebody you know knows someone who knows someone

764
00:35:23.900 --> 00:35:25.600
who's gonna go out to dinner with them tonight,

765
00:35:25.600 --> 00:35:27.740
hang out with them, do something with them.

766
00:35:28.680 --> 00:35:32.140
It's not, it's not just a beautiful, optimistic idea,

767
00:35:32.140 --> 00:35:34.100
you guys, it's science.

768
00:35:34.100 --> 00:35:38.400
It's proven science, social science.

769
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:39.280
Are you with me?

770
00:35:40.180 --> 00:35:42.280
I wanna see in the chat if you believe it.

771
00:35:45.100 --> 00:35:48.500
If you believe that you are six degrees of separation

772
00:35:51.740 --> 00:35:54.140
or close to everyone in the world.

773
00:35:55.140 --> 00:35:57.900
Some of you will know that concept

774
00:35:57.900 --> 00:35:59.600
as six degrees to Kevin Bacon.

775
00:35:59.600 --> 00:36:00.900
It's a game that you play.

776
00:36:02.260 --> 00:36:03.260
I'm not gonna explain that

777
00:36:03.260 --> 00:36:05.040
because a lot of you don't even know who Kevin Bacon is

778
00:36:05.040 --> 00:36:06.380
and then it must be too hard.

779
00:36:06.380 --> 00:36:10.220
Okay, but they purposely chose someone who's obscure,

780
00:36:10.220 --> 00:36:12.400
like a obscure actor like Kevin Bacon

781
00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:13.500
that not everyone would know

782
00:36:13.500 --> 00:36:15.460
because it's trying to prove the point.

783
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:22.580
Okay, so friends, if you came in here discouraged,

784
00:36:22.580 --> 00:36:24.700
I want you to know that your spirit mate

785
00:36:24.700 --> 00:36:26.640
is already in relationship with someone

786
00:36:26.640 --> 00:36:28.060
who's in relationship with someone

787
00:36:28.060 --> 00:36:28.900
that you're in relationship with

788
00:36:28.900 --> 00:36:30.660
and that should get you excited.

789
00:36:30.660 --> 00:36:32.160
Because before this book club is over,

790
00:36:32.160 --> 00:36:33.940
I'm gonna teach you how to play your own matchmaker

791
00:36:33.940 --> 00:36:36.700
and how you can play matchmaker for others.

792
00:36:36.700 --> 00:36:39.300
Because these loops only get closed if we all close them.

793
00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:41.220
These threads only get pulled if we all pull them

794
00:36:41.220 --> 00:36:44.160
and these dots only get connected if we all connect them.

795
00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:46.700
It can't just be one matchmaker or 10 matchmakers

796
00:36:46.700 --> 00:36:49.460
or 20 matchmakers, we all have to become matchmakers

797
00:36:49.460 --> 00:36:51.860
at the end of this book club or it doesn't work.

798
00:36:53.020 --> 00:36:55.320
Who is willing to become a matchmaker?

799
00:36:56.500 --> 00:36:57.660
Let me see your hands.

800
00:36:59.160 --> 00:37:00.420
I don't mean professionally,

801
00:37:00.420 --> 00:37:02.420
I don't mean quit your job and become a matchmaker,

802
00:37:02.420 --> 00:37:04.100
I'm just saying who is willing to care

803
00:37:04.100 --> 00:37:06.860
about someone else's love story, not just your own?

804
00:37:06.860 --> 00:37:09.520
Who is willing to introduce the single people

805
00:37:09.520 --> 00:37:10.740
in your life to other people?

806
00:37:10.740 --> 00:37:12.620
Who is willing to, when you go on a date

807
00:37:12.620 --> 00:37:14.100
and the person's great,

808
00:37:14.100 --> 00:37:15.620
but you've been on three dates with them

809
00:37:15.620 --> 00:37:16.740
and it's just not gonna work out

810
00:37:16.740 --> 00:37:20.620
because they don't have that compatibility score

811
00:37:20.620 --> 00:37:22.540
that you're gonna learn here in the program,

812
00:37:23.380 --> 00:37:25.460
in the book club and you just know that long-term

813
00:37:25.460 --> 00:37:28.420
you guys wouldn't work out, but they're really great,

814
00:37:28.420 --> 00:37:30.460
who is gonna introduce them to someone else

815
00:37:30.460 --> 00:37:32.020
instead of just cutting that fish out

816
00:37:32.020 --> 00:37:34.280
and throwing it back into the ocean?

817
00:37:36.980 --> 00:37:38.600
Who is willing to do that?

818
00:37:38.600 --> 00:37:40.140
It's really easy to do.

819
00:37:40.140 --> 00:37:42.060
You're like, well, I'm scared to introduce people

820
00:37:42.060 --> 00:37:43.780
to my friends because what if it doesn't work out,

821
00:37:43.780 --> 00:37:44.760
they'll be mad at me.

822
00:37:44.760 --> 00:37:48.300
No one in the history of me matchmaking

823
00:37:48.300 --> 00:37:49.860
for the last 20 something years

824
00:37:49.860 --> 00:37:52.200
has ever been mad at me for thinking of them.

825
00:37:52.860 --> 00:37:54.260
They've never been mad at me for trying,

826
00:37:54.260 --> 00:37:56.520
they've never been mad at me for introducing them

827
00:37:56.520 --> 00:37:58.380
to someone, never.

828
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:02.160
No one's gonna ever be mad at you for thinking of them.

829
00:38:02.160 --> 00:38:04.240
Now, if you introduce them to someone

830
00:38:04.240 --> 00:38:06.820
who is just a crackpot, they're gonna be like,

831
00:38:06.820 --> 00:38:08.200
why in the world would you think

832
00:38:08.200 --> 00:38:10.520
that I would wanna meet that person?

833
00:38:10.520 --> 00:38:11.440
And this is what happens,

834
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:13.020
this is why a lot of you hate matchmaking

835
00:38:13.020 --> 00:38:14.600
because somebody in your life was like,

836
00:38:14.600 --> 00:38:16.320
hey, you should meet so-and-so

837
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:18.040
and then you met so-and-so and you're like,

838
00:38:18.040 --> 00:38:19.920
what, do you hate me?

839
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:21.320
Do you hate me?

840
00:38:21.320 --> 00:38:23.120
Why would you introduce me to this person?

841
00:38:23.120 --> 00:38:25.840
Well, you're both, you know, you're both 43,

842
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:27.320
you're both single, like, no,

843
00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:31.420
that's not the criteria for introductions, okay?

844
00:38:32.920 --> 00:38:33.820
That's not it.

845
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:36.960
So I'm gonna teach you the criteria

846
00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:38.840
and I'm gonna help you to be successful

847
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:41.000
at matchmaking yourself and others

848
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:43.160
in week four and five of this book club.

849
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:44.680
But you guys, that is the system

850
00:38:44.680 --> 00:38:45.860
that's been working against you

851
00:38:45.860 --> 00:38:47.400
and it's been working hard against you.

852
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:49.280
And why has it been working hard against you?

853
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:51.060
Because marriage means something.

854
00:38:51.920 --> 00:38:54.080
Partnership means something.

855
00:38:54.080 --> 00:38:56.000
For those of you that are Christians,

856
00:38:56.000 --> 00:38:57.720
it's divine design and you believe

857
00:38:57.720 --> 00:38:59.520
that God created us, male and female,

858
00:38:59.520 --> 00:39:02.220
and he put us together and he said, yeah, that's good.

859
00:39:03.100 --> 00:39:05.220
That's good, right?

860
00:39:05.220 --> 00:39:06.440
And for those of you that are not,

861
00:39:06.440 --> 00:39:08.860
there's some reason why you wanna get married.

862
00:39:08.860 --> 00:39:10.500
And I believe it's because you've been hardwired

863
00:39:10.500 --> 00:39:12.580
to want that, you've been hardwired to,

864
00:39:12.580 --> 00:39:17.580
in your DNA, to want this kind of lineage and legacy,

865
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:18.840
to want this partnership.

866
00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:20.200
It's not just because you're lonely.

867
00:39:20.200 --> 00:39:21.120
It's not just because you want someone

868
00:39:21.120 --> 00:39:22.720
to go to farmer's markets with.

869
00:39:23.720 --> 00:39:28.280
It's because you, inside, deep inside,

870
00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:31.080
you know that this is something

871
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:33.700
that you have been created to do.

872
00:39:33.700 --> 00:39:38.120
All right, so you guys, who feels a little inspired

873
00:39:38.120 --> 00:39:39.320
that it's actually the system

874
00:39:39.320 --> 00:39:41.640
that's been working against them and not just,

875
00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:43.320
like I'm not saying you're perfect, okay?

876
00:39:43.320 --> 00:39:44.440
You're not supposed to be perfect.

877
00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:46.300
You don't need to be perfect.

878
00:39:46.300 --> 00:39:47.920
You're not earning love.

879
00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:50.780
And you probably do need to do some work, for sure.

880
00:39:50.780 --> 00:39:51.680
That's why you're here.

881
00:39:51.680 --> 00:39:53.280
You are stuck in some way.

882
00:39:53.280 --> 00:39:55.400
But the main thing that's against you is the system

883
00:39:55.400 --> 00:39:56.920
and not anything from the inside.

884
00:39:56.920 --> 00:39:58.560
It's definitely from the outside.

885
00:39:58.560 --> 00:39:59.400
How about that?

886
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.360
Yes, yes, all right.

887
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:13.040
People are starting to feel a little bit, a little bit of happiness.

888
00:40:13.040 --> 00:40:16.680
Now one thing that I didn't say in the other book clubs, but after today, the day that

889
00:40:16.680 --> 00:40:18.720
I've had, I'm going to say it to you guys.

890
00:40:18.720 --> 00:40:21.900
So you're the first book club I'm saying this to.

891
00:40:21.900 --> 00:40:29.180
If I were you, I would go on a social media sabbatical during this book club.

892
00:40:29.180 --> 00:40:31.900
And the reason why is because the things you're going to learn here are really going

893
00:40:31.900 --> 00:40:33.700
to increase your hope.

894
00:40:33.700 --> 00:40:37.420
They're really going to help you get focused and social media, depending on what you've

895
00:40:37.420 --> 00:40:41.580
clicked on in the past, is going to be a total nightmare to that process because it's going

896
00:40:41.580 --> 00:40:45.060
to show you all kinds of things that say men are terrible.

897
00:40:45.060 --> 00:40:46.940
There's no good ones out there.

898
00:40:46.940 --> 00:40:48.120
Women are gold diggers.

899
00:40:48.120 --> 00:40:51.420
All she wants you for is your money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

900
00:40:51.420 --> 00:40:52.980
Marriage is terrible.

901
00:40:52.980 --> 00:40:54.220
Divorce rates are so high.

902
00:40:54.220 --> 00:40:56.100
Why would anyone want to get married anyway?

903
00:40:56.100 --> 00:41:00.620
And I really want to encourage you to just take a step back from all of that.

904
00:41:00.620 --> 00:41:07.260
Yes, Myra, you're kind of ahead of the game, honey, but we are going to take a dating app

905
00:41:07.260 --> 00:41:08.260
sabbatical.

906
00:41:08.260 --> 00:41:15.220
We are going to take a dating app sabbatical, and we're going to talk about that next week.

907
00:41:15.220 --> 00:41:17.820
So go ahead and wrap it up if you're on the dating apps, because I'm going to ask you

908
00:41:17.820 --> 00:41:22.980
to take a sabbatical when we meet together next week and we talk about our dating autopsies.

909
00:41:22.980 --> 00:41:25.020
But right now, I'm not going to ask you to do that.

910
00:41:25.020 --> 00:41:32.140
I'm just going to ask you to put in the chat the results from this week's homework of what

911
00:41:32.140 --> 00:41:33.140
is your script?

912
00:41:33.140 --> 00:41:37.060
And for those of you that didn't do the homework, maybe you just signed up today and you didn't

913
00:41:37.060 --> 00:41:38.260
have a chance to do the homework.

914
00:41:38.260 --> 00:41:41.420
I'm going to explain what this is in just a second.

915
00:41:41.420 --> 00:41:45.060
So we're going to take a break, and I can't force you, I'm not going to come to your house

916
00:41:45.060 --> 00:41:47.580
and delete your Instagram, okay?

917
00:41:47.580 --> 00:41:50.980
But if you take a break from the apps, you're going to get more clear.

918
00:41:50.980 --> 00:41:52.700
I mean, I'm sorry, the apps.

919
00:41:52.700 --> 00:41:54.940
From social media, you're going to get more clear, okay?

920
00:41:54.940 --> 00:42:02.060
If you take a break from watching sappy love stories that empower the fairy tale script,

921
00:42:02.060 --> 00:42:03.660
you're going to get more clear.

922
00:42:03.660 --> 00:42:04.860
We want to get clear, you guys.

923
00:42:04.860 --> 00:42:07.860
We want to wipe the slate off during this five weeks.

924
00:42:07.860 --> 00:42:08.860
Can we do that?

925
00:42:08.860 --> 00:42:11.380
All right, here they come.

926
00:42:11.380 --> 00:42:13.340
We have scarcity and fairy tale running.

927
00:42:13.340 --> 00:42:14.780
We have fairy tale and scarcity.

928
00:42:14.780 --> 00:42:17.540
Yes, those are two that go together a lot.

929
00:42:17.540 --> 00:42:23.220
Fairy tale scarcity, passive faith goes with fairy tale a lot.

930
00:42:23.220 --> 00:42:24.220
Scarcity and chill girl.

931
00:42:24.220 --> 00:42:25.220
Yes, Siobhan.

932
00:42:25.220 --> 00:42:28.300
That is a normal partnership right there.

933
00:42:28.300 --> 00:42:29.420
Independence and passive faith.

934
00:42:29.420 --> 00:42:30.940
That's interesting.

935
00:42:30.940 --> 00:42:33.780
That's not one that I see a lot, Amanda.

936
00:42:33.780 --> 00:42:34.780
That's cool.

937
00:42:34.780 --> 00:42:38.380
That's cool that you know that about yourself after reading this.

938
00:42:38.380 --> 00:42:39.380
This is good.

939
00:42:39.380 --> 00:42:43.140
Got a lot of independence up here in the house.

940
00:42:43.140 --> 00:42:44.940
Lots of fairy tale running.

941
00:42:44.940 --> 00:42:49.620
That's because all of you are probably at the age group where you grew up on some crazy

942
00:42:49.620 --> 00:42:57.260
Disney movies or some crazy rom-coms that just made everything seem so, so supernatural

943
00:42:57.260 --> 00:42:58.500
and lightning bolts.

944
00:42:58.500 --> 00:42:59.980
This is the way it's supposed to feel.

945
00:42:59.980 --> 00:43:05.020
If it doesn't feel like this, then it just isn't it because I want to fall in love.

946
00:43:05.020 --> 00:43:06.020
No.

947
00:43:06.020 --> 00:43:08.100
No, no, no, no.

948
00:43:08.100 --> 00:43:12.020
Yes, there are romantic aspects to who you marry for sure.

949
00:43:12.020 --> 00:43:13.020
You want that.

950
00:43:13.020 --> 00:43:14.020
You're going to need that.

951
00:43:14.100 --> 00:43:18.540
But that cannot be the foundation of why you're going to marry this person.

952
00:43:18.540 --> 00:43:21.100
It cannot be.

953
00:43:21.100 --> 00:43:25.780
I go outside and throw a rock and be able to hit someone who married someone because

954
00:43:25.780 --> 00:43:31.940
of chemistry and now they're super, super unhappy in a very toxic situation.

955
00:43:31.940 --> 00:43:36.300
And so did you guys know that infatuation can only last 14 months?

956
00:43:36.300 --> 00:43:40.460
I don't care if you're the most romantic fork in the drawer.

957
00:43:40.460 --> 00:43:48.140
It doesn't matter the hormones that fuel infatuation, puppy love, rose colored glasses.

958
00:43:48.140 --> 00:43:51.640
They can only last 14 months.

959
00:43:51.640 --> 00:43:54.820
They are going to fade and disappear.

960
00:43:54.820 --> 00:43:59.100
And if that is what your relationship is based on, then it's not going to take too long.

961
00:43:59.100 --> 00:44:01.020
Remember, that's as long as they can last.

962
00:44:01.020 --> 00:44:05.300
For most people, they only last through the first ache, through the first inconvenience,

963
00:44:05.300 --> 00:44:09.660
through the first squabble, through the first time that they're not the fantasy that you

964
00:44:09.660 --> 00:44:11.380
made them out to be.

965
00:44:11.380 --> 00:44:14.540
And then what do we do?

966
00:44:14.540 --> 00:44:18.340
All right.

967
00:44:18.340 --> 00:44:24.540
If our admin that's here right now can just respond to Jessica.

968
00:44:24.540 --> 00:44:28.780
Some people, if you have, if you have trouble downloading the ebook, um, you just need to

969
00:44:28.780 --> 00:44:29.780
email us.

970
00:44:29.780 --> 00:44:30.780
We can walk you through it.

971
00:44:30.780 --> 00:44:32.500
Our tech crew can help you.

972
00:44:32.500 --> 00:44:33.500
Okay.

973
00:44:33.500 --> 00:44:37.420
Disney, fairytale, independence, fairytale, all the things.

974
00:44:38.420 --> 00:44:40.420
All right, you guys.

975
00:44:43.420 --> 00:44:45.420
All right.

976
00:44:45.420 --> 00:44:48.740
So you guys, I'm going to read the scripts for the people that just joined.

977
00:44:48.740 --> 00:44:50.340
They didn't have a chance to do the homework.

978
00:44:50.340 --> 00:44:53.780
I'm going to read what the scripts are so you can hear yourself in one or two or maybe

979
00:44:53.780 --> 00:44:55.260
even three of them.

980
00:44:55.260 --> 00:44:57.300
And you can go ahead and put that in the chat.

981
00:44:57.300 --> 00:45:00.020
The fairytale script is when intensity equals.

982
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.520
destiny. You're the people who love has to feel dramatic, it has to feel like a

983
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:10.440
lightning bolt, it has to feel like true love, like oh this is my soulmate. It

984
00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:13.160
feels like you've known them all of your life when you met them and they're the

985
00:45:13.160 --> 00:45:17.080
person that you've been waiting for and usually you're looking for signs that oh

986
00:45:17.080 --> 00:45:21.200
yes they're the one. It's a fairy tale. Think of fairy tales and that is the

987
00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:26.280
script. The chill girl or the passive guy script is when you abandon your own

988
00:45:26.640 --> 00:45:31.280
so that you're easy to be with and easy to choose. You don't talk about your

989
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:34.320
needs because you don't want to rock the boat. You don't ask for clarity in the

990
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:42.040
relationship because what if they say no? What if they don't want to be with you?

991
00:45:42.040 --> 00:45:46.320
There's a lizard. There's a lizard in my studio and I heard something and I was

992
00:45:46.320 --> 00:45:52.200
like what is it? It's a lizard. Okay, scared me. Lizard. Okay, they're not a

993
00:45:52.280 --> 00:45:57.400
lizard. Okay, but you're a passive guy who's just gonna do whatever she wants

994
00:45:57.400 --> 00:46:00.640
and you know you're just gonna treat her like a queen and you're never gonna say

995
00:46:00.640 --> 00:46:04.000
no and you're gonna be a golden retriever and that's all great and

996
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:10.160
wonderful. The problem with that is is that she is not going to respect you or

997
00:46:10.160 --> 00:46:14.640
like you and probably not gonna marry you if you just start off like that.

998
00:46:14.640 --> 00:46:19.280
She's gonna like you. She's gonna want your attention. She's gonna fall back on

999
00:46:19.320 --> 00:46:23.720
you when the guy that makes her feel all the feelings breaks up with her or is

1000
00:46:23.720 --> 00:46:27.840
ghosting her or breadcrumbing her but she's not gonna choose you. You're gonna

1001
00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:30.280
get friend-zoned but you're not gonna know that you're friend-zoned because

1002
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:33.160
she's gonna give you enough attention to keep you thinking that you have a

1003
00:46:33.160 --> 00:46:37.520
chance and the chill girl is the girl who's she's down for everything. She

1004
00:46:37.520 --> 00:46:41.120
doesn't ask questions. She doesn't put any pressure on the relationship or

1005
00:46:41.120 --> 00:46:45.600
pressure on him. She just doesn't have any of her own needs. She's just super

1006
00:46:45.600 --> 00:46:48.920
easy to be with and guess what? You don't get chosen because men like a

1007
00:46:48.960 --> 00:46:52.720
challenge. They do. Now you're gonna get slept with. He's gonna have sex with you

1008
00:46:52.720 --> 00:46:56.520
if you'll let him, okay? I can't just assume everyone in here is being

1009
00:46:56.520 --> 00:46:59.680
celibate and abstinent although I will just really encourage you. I write about

1010
00:46:59.680 --> 00:47:04.160
that in the book. Even if you don't have a faith objection, you don't believe that

1011
00:47:04.160 --> 00:47:07.800
it's a sin or wrong to have sex before marriage, even if you don't believe that,

1012
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:12.720
sex will always put you in the gray zone. You'll read about that later in the book.

1013
00:47:12.720 --> 00:47:17.040
It will always put you in a situation ship. It will always put you in a place

1014
00:47:17.080 --> 00:47:21.200
where the water is muddy. You don't know how you really feel. You're putting up

1015
00:47:21.200 --> 00:47:24.480
with things you shouldn't put up with. I really want to encourage you to take sex

1016
00:47:24.480 --> 00:47:30.720
totally off the table in your dating seasons, okay? The scarcity script. This

1017
00:47:30.720 --> 00:47:34.560
tells you that the good ones are rare. The good men out there are rare. They're

1018
00:47:34.560 --> 00:47:38.000
like a needle in a haystack and if you find someone who's halfway decent, you

1019
00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:43.240
got to hold on with both hands, even if they're not the person that you want.

1020
00:47:43.240 --> 00:47:46.000
Even if you're not really attracted to them, you gotta hold on. You

1021
00:47:46.040 --> 00:47:49.880
gotta settle because there's just not a lot to go around. Gentlemen, oh, you know,

1022
00:47:49.880 --> 00:47:54.000
any woman who wants to be with me, then I just guess I got to choose her because,

1023
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:59.480
you know, good women are hard to find. The independent script. I don't need anyone.

1024
00:47:59.480 --> 00:48:03.680
I'm fine. You've convinced yourself that if this doesn't happen for you, you just,

1025
00:48:03.680 --> 00:48:08.160
it's fine. You'll be completely fine. Intimacy is risky after all and you

1026
00:48:08.160 --> 00:48:11.520
don't really want to make room in your life for anyone. If they just show up,

1027
00:48:11.520 --> 00:48:16.120
then you're gonna make room for them. But you're not gonna make room ahead of

1028
00:48:16.120 --> 00:48:22.160
time because you don't need anyone. But, you know, if they show up and they're the

1029
00:48:22.160 --> 00:48:25.480
right person and they're compatible to my life and to my lifestyle and they fit

1030
00:48:25.480 --> 00:48:31.600
in perfectly, then sure. And then the passive faith script is, oh, if it's meant

1031
00:48:31.600 --> 00:48:34.720
to happen, it'll happen. I don't have to do anything. I can just go wait in that

1032
00:48:34.720 --> 00:48:39.960
waiting room and, you know, God will just give me a spouse. The universe will give

1033
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:43.360
me a spouse. Whatever it is that you believe is just gonna give you a partner

1034
00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:47.640
if it's meant to be. If it's meant to be. And so the passive script is kind of

1035
00:48:47.640 --> 00:48:51.360
like the fairy tale script, except in the fairy tale script, you're looking for

1036
00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:55.600
chemistry. You're looking for strong emotion to prove that it's the person.

1037
00:48:55.600 --> 00:49:01.960
And in the passive faith script, you're looking for signs from God. You're

1038
00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:08.720
looking for signs that it's destiny. You know, like, oh, oh, I went on a first date

1039
00:49:08.720 --> 00:49:13.040
with Chad and he was just so amazing and I think that he's the one. I think

1040
00:49:13.040 --> 00:49:17.640
finally God has pulled my number out of the lottery and this is my person. And

1041
00:49:17.640 --> 00:49:22.640
then you drive down the street and you see a street sign that says Chad. And

1042
00:49:22.640 --> 00:49:29.160
you're like, see, it's Chad. This is proof. Chad's my guy. It doesn't matter that

1043
00:49:29.160 --> 00:49:32.720
Chad's dating three other girls. He has no intention of being marriage minded.

1044
00:49:32.720 --> 00:49:36.840
He's marriage curious at the most. And he's gonna break your heart three weeks

1045
00:49:36.920 --> 00:49:42.600
later. Okay. So that being said, all of you that didn't do the homework cause

1046
00:49:42.600 --> 00:49:45.320
you haven't gotten the book and you just joined right before we had class

1047
00:49:45.320 --> 00:49:49.640
tonight, go ahead and put up what you think you are. You guys, there's no shame

1048
00:49:49.640 --> 00:49:53.440
in this. And you could be a combination of them or you could be something that's

1049
00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:57.480
really close to one of these, but it's not quite right. Still put that one up.

1050
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:12.220
All right, breakout time, all right, I'm going to put you back in rooms and you are going

1051
00:50:12.220 --> 00:50:20.140
to tell people what your most primary script is.

1052
00:50:20.140 --> 00:50:24.920
And if you think you know where it came from, you can also share that, okay?

1053
00:50:24.920 --> 00:50:28.940
Each person's going to have about three minutes, three to four minutes to share, probably three

1054
00:50:28.940 --> 00:50:33.340
minutes to share, because I want to bring you guys back and talk about your dating autopsy

1055
00:50:33.340 --> 00:50:37.940
before we sign off for tonight, answer any of your questions, I'll do a little Q&A here

1056
00:50:37.940 --> 00:50:38.940
at the end.

1057
00:50:38.940 --> 00:50:43.140
So I'm putting you back in groups, you're going to share, what is your primary script?

1058
00:50:43.140 --> 00:50:46.220
You can share two, up to two, but not more.

1059
00:50:46.220 --> 00:50:47.220
What are your primary ones?

1060
00:50:47.220 --> 00:50:49.260
What are the ones you operate in the most?

1061
00:50:49.260 --> 00:50:53.780
And if you know where you think it comes from, then go ahead and tell them that as well.

1062
00:50:53.780 --> 00:50:57.700
You guys know fixing each other, know coaching each other, know critiquing each other, know

1063
00:50:57.700 --> 00:51:00.140
judging each other, okay?

1064
00:51:00.140 --> 00:51:04.140
We're here to become each other's village and we're going to do that as the book club

1065
00:51:04.140 --> 00:51:05.300
wears on.

1066
00:51:05.300 --> 00:51:09.580
Some of these people in here may even introduce you to your spirit mate, so be nice.

1067
00:51:27.700 --> 00:51:44.860
All right, everybody, welcome back.

1068
00:51:44.860 --> 00:51:49.100
Everyone will be back in the room in 40 seconds, and then we will go ahead and wrap this up

1069
00:51:49.100 --> 00:51:56.460
with some Q&A time and a little bit of instruction on some homework.

1070
00:51:56.460 --> 00:52:03.740
Hopefully, you guys had fun meeting each other, having some breakout time with each other.

1071
00:52:03.740 --> 00:52:08.500
You might have even met someone that's going to play a significant role in the rest of

1072
00:52:08.500 --> 00:52:27.860
this book club for you and or a significant role going forward.

1073
00:52:27.860 --> 00:52:29.620
All right, everyone's back.

1074
00:52:29.620 --> 00:52:33.900
So friends, I just want to let you know that I've been doing this professionally for six

1075
00:52:33.900 --> 00:52:34.900
years.

1076
00:52:34.900 --> 00:52:35.900
I've been matchmaking all my life.

1077
00:52:35.900 --> 00:52:38.060
I helped 15 of my friends get married.

1078
00:52:38.620 --> 00:52:41.620
I've always had a matchmaking gift because I'm very interested in people and interested

1079
00:52:41.620 --> 00:52:46.500
in connecting people, and I've always been interested in love and in marriage and lineage

1080
00:52:46.500 --> 00:52:47.700
and legacy.

1081
00:52:47.700 --> 00:52:51.620
So I knew that I had this gift and I put it together with my modality called The Heartwork

1082
00:52:51.620 --> 00:52:55.700
and I launched it as Married in 12 Months or Less back in 2000 before pandemic.

1083
00:52:55.700 --> 00:53:01.060
No one knew pandemic was coming, but because pandemic came a month later, everyone was

1084
00:53:01.060 --> 00:53:06.140
on lockdown and I had a captive audience and we had our first marriage just six months

1085
00:53:06.140 --> 00:53:07.140
later.

1086
00:53:07.220 --> 00:53:09.740
So six months later, we had our first marriage.

1087
00:53:09.740 --> 00:53:11.380
They married from within community.

1088
00:53:11.380 --> 00:53:12.420
They both knew each other.

1089
00:53:12.420 --> 00:53:13.780
They were in the same community.

1090
00:53:13.780 --> 00:53:14.780
They got married.

1091
00:53:14.780 --> 00:53:15.780
It was really amazing.

1092
00:53:15.780 --> 00:53:18.180
They never really thought of each other like that before.

1093
00:53:18.180 --> 00:53:22.140
But once again, I believe that somebody knows somebody who knows your spirit mate.

1094
00:53:22.140 --> 00:53:26.300
And so that started happening and then it was what I call the marriage funnel from there

1095
00:53:26.300 --> 00:53:27.300
on out.

1096
00:53:27.300 --> 00:53:28.300
The marriage pipeline.

1097
00:53:28.300 --> 00:53:33.980
We just had popcorn kernels popping in the oil on and on and on and on and on until now

1098
00:53:33.980 --> 00:53:38.100
nearly 2,000 success stories in six years.

1099
00:53:38.100 --> 00:53:42.780
And so I just want to let you know that you're in a good place if you are believing for a

1100
00:53:42.780 --> 00:53:48.940
supernatural upgrade in your relationships and specifically to get married.

1101
00:53:48.940 --> 00:53:53.820
And so 2027 can look very different than every year before it.

1102
00:53:53.820 --> 00:53:57.700
And the reason why I say 2027 is because we're halfway through 2026.

1103
00:53:57.700 --> 00:54:01.500
And even if you get into a summer of love, I don't want you getting married.

1104
00:54:01.500 --> 00:54:02.940
I'm not going to sign off on that.

1105
00:54:02.940 --> 00:54:06.580
You can do what you want, but let's let the wedding be in 2027.

1106
00:54:06.580 --> 00:54:07.580
Shall we?

1107
00:54:07.580 --> 00:54:08.580
Yes.

1108
00:54:08.580 --> 00:54:13.040
Let's get to know that person over the course of at least 12 months, nine to 12 months.

1109
00:54:13.040 --> 00:54:16.700
If you've done a lot of work and so have they, and if you know someone that knows them and

1110
00:54:16.700 --> 00:54:20.180
you're known in community to each other, then it may go a little faster.

1111
00:54:20.180 --> 00:54:23.940
But other than that, let's go ahead and plan that.

1112
00:54:23.940 --> 00:54:24.940
Let's plan that right.

1113
00:54:24.940 --> 00:54:25.940
Okay.

1114
00:54:25.940 --> 00:54:31.860
So the dating autopsy is where you dig into what's been going wrong in your specific relationships,

1115
00:54:31.860 --> 00:54:32.860
your dates.

1116
00:54:32.860 --> 00:54:36.780
It doesn't matter if you've been on one date with them, three dates, four dates, if it

1117
00:54:36.780 --> 00:54:42.420
was a two month situation ship and a situation ship is defined as something that really isn't

1118
00:54:42.420 --> 00:54:43.420
going anywhere.

1119
00:54:43.420 --> 00:54:45.380
We also call it the gray zone in my book.

1120
00:54:45.380 --> 00:54:48.140
It's just like, is it, isn't it?

1121
00:54:48.140 --> 00:54:49.140
Are we serious?

1122
00:54:49.140 --> 00:54:50.300
Are we not serious?

1123
00:54:50.300 --> 00:54:51.340
Is this marriage minded?

1124
00:54:51.340 --> 00:54:52.500
Is it not?

1125
00:54:52.500 --> 00:54:55.140
So I want you to write all of those down.

1126
00:54:55.140 --> 00:54:59.780
You have a worksheet in your book to go ahead and map it out.

1127
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.560
and I want you to ask yourself, you know,

1128
00:55:02.560 --> 00:55:04.280
what is the pattern here?

1129
00:55:04.280 --> 00:55:05.620
And you have all kinds of prompts

1130
00:55:05.620 --> 00:55:06.860
that will help you get to it,

1131
00:55:06.860 --> 00:55:09.560
and I want you to bring the results of that

1132
00:55:09.560 --> 00:55:13.820
to next week's class, to Sunday's class, okay?

1133
00:55:13.820 --> 00:55:16.740
And that will be what our first breakout is all about,

1134
00:55:16.740 --> 00:55:18.220
is that dating autopsy.

1135
00:55:18.220 --> 00:55:20.600
Now, if you've never dated anyone,

1136
00:55:20.600 --> 00:55:22.300
and by the way, I just wanna let you know,

1137
00:55:22.300 --> 00:55:24.860
if you've never dated anyone, you're in the right place.

1138
00:55:26.300 --> 00:55:28.700
Because I've had so many clients

1139
00:55:28.700 --> 00:55:31.200
that have never been even on a date,

1140
00:55:31.200 --> 00:55:33.480
let alone had a boyfriend or girlfriend.

1141
00:55:33.480 --> 00:55:36.800
So, I want you to do the dating autopsy

1142
00:55:36.800 --> 00:55:40.740
as a relationship autopsy, meaning friendships,

1143
00:55:42.240 --> 00:55:44.120
family relationships.

1144
00:55:44.120 --> 00:55:47.200
I want you to take the most significant relationships

1145
00:55:47.200 --> 00:55:48.920
of your life, the friendships,

1146
00:55:48.920 --> 00:55:50.500
whether the friend lasted two weeks

1147
00:55:50.500 --> 00:55:52.220
because you were at camp together,

1148
00:55:52.220 --> 00:55:55.360
or they lasted two years or 20 years,

1149
00:55:55.360 --> 00:55:58.440
I want you to figure out the patterns,

1150
00:55:59.180 --> 00:56:00.380
because the most important part of the dating autopsy

1151
00:56:00.380 --> 00:56:03.260
is to see how you show up in relationship.

1152
00:56:04.220 --> 00:56:05.860
The scripts that I already told you about,

1153
00:56:05.860 --> 00:56:07.340
a lot of times those scripts show up

1154
00:56:07.340 --> 00:56:09.340
in relationships as well,

1155
00:56:09.340 --> 00:56:11.340
where the scarcity is like, you're a giver,

1156
00:56:11.340 --> 00:56:14.760
you're always giving, you're always over-functioning,

1157
00:56:14.760 --> 00:56:17.260
they're always taking, you see that there,

1158
00:56:17.260 --> 00:56:20.680
romanticizing the friendship, like, oh, we're best friends.

1159
00:56:20.680 --> 00:56:22.780
Well, they wouldn't cross the street to help you

1160
00:56:22.780 --> 00:56:26.700
if you were dying, how are they your best friend?

1161
00:56:26.720 --> 00:56:28.000
Because you're romanticizing it,

1162
00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:29.480
because it's like, oh, well, you know,

1163
00:56:29.480 --> 00:56:32.400
when we were 10 years old, you know, we were best friends,

1164
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:34.760
and we each had a half of a heart necklace,

1165
00:56:34.760 --> 00:56:36.680
it's like, nah, no.

1166
00:56:36.680 --> 00:56:41.680
Okay, so, let's see where we are with relationships.

1167
00:56:41.960 --> 00:56:42.800
Can we?

1168
00:56:42.800 --> 00:56:44.920
So, do that work, if you've already done that work,

1169
00:56:44.920 --> 00:56:47.200
that's great, bring it next week,

1170
00:56:47.200 --> 00:56:49.640
and I'm gonna go ahead and open this up to Q&A.

1171
00:56:49.640 --> 00:56:51.640
We have about 15 minutes for Q&A,

1172
00:56:51.640 --> 00:56:52.960
if those of you that are wondering,

1173
00:56:52.960 --> 00:56:54.840
hey, how long does this book club last?

1174
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:57.340
It lasts about 75 to 90 minutes,

1175
00:56:57.340 --> 00:57:01.340
so you're gonna be here until the half of the hour, usually.

1176
00:57:01.340 --> 00:57:03.700
Okay, it's never gonna be longer than that.

1177
00:57:03.700 --> 00:57:06.780
Sometimes, if we get it all done, it might be shorter.

1178
00:57:06.780 --> 00:57:09.460
If no one has any questions, it might be shorter.

1179
00:57:09.460 --> 00:57:11.900
But go ahead, and let's ask your questions.

1180
00:57:11.900 --> 00:57:15.620
If you have a question that you can ask, please listen,

1181
00:57:15.620 --> 00:57:17.620
if you have a question that you can ask

1182
00:57:17.620 --> 00:57:20.920
in 10 seconds or less, put your hand up.

1183
00:57:20.920 --> 00:57:22.380
You're not gonna give me a big backstory,

1184
00:57:22.380 --> 00:57:24.420
you're just gonna straight up ask me a question.

1185
00:57:24.920 --> 00:57:27.360
Put your hand up, and we'll go ahead

1186
00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:30.560
and get those popcorn questions out of the way quickly.

1187
00:57:30.560 --> 00:57:31.900
It's a quick question.

1188
00:57:31.900 --> 00:57:33.200
It can be about the book club,

1189
00:57:33.200 --> 00:57:36.280
it could be about the last person you dated,

1190
00:57:36.280 --> 00:57:38.360
it could be about something you read in the book.

1191
00:57:38.360 --> 00:57:42.560
All right, Rachel, go ahead and unmute yourself,

1192
00:57:42.560 --> 00:57:44.020
and let's ask the question.

1193
00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:47.920
What are some practical ways

1194
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:51.120
to overcome social anxiety in dating?

1195
00:57:51.140 --> 00:57:56.140
I tend to be anxious, and I'm afraid of fear of rejection,

1196
00:57:57.220 --> 00:58:00.140
also afraid of attracting a dangerous person,

1197
00:58:00.140 --> 00:58:02.720
so it runs the gamut.

1198
00:58:02.720 --> 00:58:04.860
Yeah, and you guys, we're gonna talk more about this

1199
00:58:04.860 --> 00:58:06.240
as we get further into the book club,

1200
00:58:06.240 --> 00:58:09.700
but the answer is, the easy answer is

1201
00:58:09.700 --> 00:58:10.940
that you gotta do your hard work.

1202
00:58:10.940 --> 00:58:14.460
We gotta find out where does anxiety come from.

1203
00:58:14.460 --> 00:58:16.100
Anxiety comes from somewhere.

1204
00:58:16.100 --> 00:58:18.660
We weren't just born anxious.

1205
00:58:18.660 --> 00:58:19.980
Anxiety comes from somewhere.

1206
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:22.480
So she named some specific scenarios,

1207
00:58:22.480 --> 00:58:24.480
some specific things she's afraid of.

1208
00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:26.380
She's afraid of rejection.

1209
00:58:26.380 --> 00:58:29.760
She's afraid of getting with the wrong person,

1210
00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:31.520
and so the very first thing I want you to do

1211
00:58:31.520 --> 00:58:34.700
is I want you to sit down, and you can autopsy this.

1212
00:58:34.700 --> 00:58:36.880
Autopsy these fears.

1213
00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:40.620
In fact, what I can do is I can put up a little

1214
00:58:40.620 --> 00:58:42.520
revealing for healing cycle.

1215
00:58:43.640 --> 00:58:45.280
Admin team, go ahead and make a note.

1216
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:46.520
I'll put that up.

1217
00:58:46.520 --> 00:58:47.840
So the revealing for healing cycle,

1218
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:49.440
and everyone that's in my last year single program

1219
00:58:49.940 --> 00:58:51.140
knows this because they've done their heart work,

1220
00:58:51.140 --> 00:58:53.540
and their heart work is an actual modality,

1221
00:58:53.540 --> 00:58:57.900
but you can look and see, here's the feeling.

1222
00:58:57.900 --> 00:59:00.180
When's the last time I felt the feeling?

1223
00:59:00.180 --> 00:59:01.460
And so then Rachel could be like,

1224
00:59:01.460 --> 00:59:03.180
oh, I felt the feeling the last time.

1225
00:59:03.180 --> 00:59:04.860
This is why I was on this date,

1226
00:59:04.860 --> 00:59:06.620
or when someone asked me to go on a date,

1227
00:59:06.620 --> 00:59:08.140
or when I even thought about going on a date,

1228
00:59:08.140 --> 00:59:09.980
or the last time I was with these friends,

1229
00:59:09.980 --> 00:59:12.100
or out to eat here, or whatever.

1230
00:59:12.100 --> 00:59:14.660
You're gonna say, okay, this is the last time it happened,

1231
00:59:14.660 --> 00:59:16.780
and then you're gonna work backwards.

1232
00:59:16.780 --> 00:59:18.920
Okay, so here's the thing that I feel.

1233
00:59:18.920 --> 00:59:20.580
Here's the last time it happened.

1234
00:59:20.580 --> 00:59:22.700
What was the trigger?

1235
00:59:22.700 --> 00:59:23.840
What was the belief system?

1236
00:59:23.840 --> 00:59:25.260
What was the lie that I was believing?

1237
00:59:25.260 --> 00:59:26.460
Oh, none of these people like me.

1238
00:59:26.460 --> 00:59:28.500
They don't even really want me here.

1239
00:59:28.500 --> 00:59:29.340
They don't want me here.

1240
00:59:29.340 --> 00:59:30.180
I'm too quiet.

1241
00:59:30.180 --> 00:59:31.920
People think that I'm too quiet and shy.

1242
00:59:31.920 --> 00:59:33.100
People don't like me.

1243
00:59:33.100 --> 00:59:35.100
Okay, when's the very first time, Rachel,

1244
00:59:35.100 --> 00:59:36.400
that you ever felt that way?

1245
00:59:36.400 --> 00:59:37.420
When's the very first time

1246
00:59:37.420 --> 00:59:38.900
that that thought ever entered your mind?

1247
00:59:38.900 --> 00:59:40.740
You might be like, oh, in fifth grade

1248
00:59:40.740 --> 00:59:42.500
when everybody had a best friend and I didn't,

1249
00:59:42.500 --> 00:59:45.340
or when they were gossiping and making a rumor up about me,

1250
00:59:45.340 --> 00:59:47.220
or in my family when it just felt like

1251
00:59:47.220 --> 00:59:48.860
I was so different than everybody else,

1252
00:59:49.800 --> 00:59:50.620
and no one understood me.

1253
00:59:50.620 --> 00:59:53.760
You're gonna get to the root of the belief system,

1254
00:59:53.760 --> 00:59:56.120
and then when we see what the root is,

1255
00:59:56.120 --> 00:59:59.840
then we can diffuse that bomb before it goes off again.

1256
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.840
Does that make sense?

1257
01:00:01.840 --> 01:00:02.840
It does.

1258
01:00:02.840 --> 01:00:03.840
Okay.

1259
01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:04.840
Yes, I can.

1260
01:00:04.840 --> 01:00:10.160
I actually have, uh, the sheets, um, so I will go back to those and, and work through

1261
01:00:10.160 --> 01:00:11.160
that.

1262
01:00:11.160 --> 01:00:12.160
Okay.

1263
01:00:12.160 --> 01:00:13.680
So you're in, you're already in, you're in heart work.

1264
01:00:13.680 --> 01:00:14.680
You're in last year single.

1265
01:00:14.680 --> 01:00:15.680
Yep.

1266
01:00:15.680 --> 01:00:16.680
Okay.

1267
01:00:16.680 --> 01:00:17.680
Awesome.

1268
01:00:17.680 --> 01:00:20.200
So yeah, we want to dig into that because this doesn't just affect her dating life.

1269
01:00:20.200 --> 01:00:25.520
This just affects her, you know, this affects her, it affects her identity and behavior

1270
01:00:25.520 --> 01:00:26.600
follows identity.

1271
01:00:26.600 --> 01:00:31.280
So if Rachel believes that she's not worth knowing, if Rachel believes that every time

1272
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:35.000
she puts herself out there, you know, someone's going to hurt her or reject her, then she's

1273
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:36.000
going to do what?

1274
01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:37.000
She's going to shut down.

1275
01:00:37.000 --> 01:00:38.100
She's going to close down.

1276
01:00:38.100 --> 01:00:39.760
And that might make her seem shy.

1277
01:00:39.760 --> 01:00:42.520
That might make her seem antisocial.

1278
01:00:42.520 --> 01:00:44.000
People don't know why you're doing what you're doing.

1279
01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:46.620
I'm not talking to Rachel, I'm talking to all of you.

1280
01:00:46.620 --> 01:00:47.620
People don't know.

1281
01:00:47.620 --> 01:00:51.080
So then they just assume a lot about you if they don't know you really well.

1282
01:00:51.080 --> 01:00:55.200
And so that a lot of times can keep us from getting friends.

1283
01:00:55.200 --> 01:00:58.640
It can keep us from getting ass on date.

1284
01:00:58.640 --> 01:01:03.840
And so we definitely want to get to the root of that, Rachel, go ahead and put up in the

1285
01:01:03.840 --> 01:01:04.840
chat.

1286
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:08.520
If you are rowing that boat with Rachel, you're like, I have, I have social anxiety.

1287
01:01:08.520 --> 01:01:09.520
People have called me shy.

1288
01:01:09.520 --> 01:01:11.840
Can I tell you that shy is a lie?

1289
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:13.440
Shy is a lie.

1290
01:01:13.440 --> 01:01:14.440
Okay.

1291
01:01:14.440 --> 01:01:15.440
Nobody's shy.

1292
01:01:15.440 --> 01:01:17.520
There are people that are more introverted.

1293
01:01:17.520 --> 01:01:18.860
They like their deep thinkers.

1294
01:01:18.860 --> 01:01:20.520
They like alone time to recharge.

1295
01:01:20.560 --> 01:01:22.560
That doesn't make you shy.

1296
01:01:22.560 --> 01:01:26.040
People who are timid, afraid of people, that's just straight up fear.

1297
01:01:26.040 --> 01:01:27.040
Okay.

1298
01:01:27.040 --> 01:01:28.040
That's not shyness.

1299
01:01:28.040 --> 01:01:30.080
Who else?

1300
01:01:30.080 --> 01:01:31.080
People have said you're shy.

1301
01:01:31.080 --> 01:01:32.440
People have called you antisocial.

1302
01:01:32.440 --> 01:01:34.400
You have a hard time connecting with other people.

1303
01:01:34.400 --> 01:01:38.920
You're afraid of social situations.

1304
01:01:38.920 --> 01:01:43.000
I used to have a client, you guys, who would throw up before she would go on a date.

1305
01:01:43.000 --> 01:01:47.400
She would just puke her guts up because she was so nervous.

1306
01:01:47.400 --> 01:01:50.320
So nervous, sweating, vomiting.

1307
01:01:50.320 --> 01:01:51.320
Okay.

1308
01:01:51.320 --> 01:01:52.320
Right.

1309
01:01:52.320 --> 01:01:54.760
You guys are not alone.

1310
01:01:54.760 --> 01:01:55.760
There's a bunch of people.

1311
01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:59.320
All right, Christy, you're up.

1312
01:01:59.320 --> 01:02:03.000
What do you think about signs and wonders, miracles, and different things like that in

1313
01:02:03.000 --> 01:02:07.600
terms of choosing someone?

1314
01:02:07.600 --> 01:02:11.560
I think it's a really bad idea.

1315
01:02:11.560 --> 01:02:12.720
I think it's a really bad idea.

1316
01:02:12.720 --> 01:02:17.080
I've actually never, I don't want to say never, but it very

1317
01:02:17.760 --> 01:02:19.760
rarely actually points to the person.

1318
01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:22.040
And you guys, I have seen it all.

1319
01:02:22.040 --> 01:02:26.760
The majority of my clientele are like charismatic Christians.

1320
01:02:26.760 --> 01:02:29.760
And once again, I'm a believer.

1321
01:02:29.760 --> 01:02:33.280
The people that are my bestest friends, a lot of you charismatic Christians would know

1322
01:02:33.280 --> 01:02:35.240
those people and respect those people.

1323
01:02:35.240 --> 01:02:40.720
A lot of you know me and you've come here because you know that I'm a spiritual and

1324
01:02:40.720 --> 01:02:42.640
Christian leader.

1325
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:43.800
But I will say this.

1326
01:02:43.800 --> 01:02:49.280
I will say that when it comes to romance, when it comes to love, when it comes to marriage,

1327
01:02:49.280 --> 01:02:53.000
when people think they know, when they think they've had a dream about who the person is,

1328
01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:56.720
when they think that God's told them who the person is, maybe even told them their name

1329
01:02:56.720 --> 01:03:00.880
or pointed them out at someone that you go to church with or you work with, and there's

1330
01:03:00.880 --> 01:03:05.120
absolutely no attention from that person towards you romantically.

1331
01:03:05.120 --> 01:03:10.880
You think that there's a sign or whatever it is.

1332
01:03:10.880 --> 01:03:15.400
But very rarely, if never, ends up being the real thing.

1333
01:03:15.400 --> 01:03:19.360
And so I really want to encourage you guys.

1334
01:03:19.360 --> 01:03:24.240
First of all, if you feel like you get those types of signals or signs, you have to vet

1335
01:03:24.240 --> 01:03:25.240
them out.

1336
01:03:25.240 --> 01:03:31.360
You know, once again, Christians, your source of truth, highest truth is the word of God.

1337
01:03:31.360 --> 01:03:34.920
And the word of God says in a multitude of counselors, there is safety.

1338
01:03:34.920 --> 01:03:39.720
It also says, let a word be established through the mouth of two or three witnesses.

1339
01:03:39.720 --> 01:03:42.520
And so if you don't have people in your life that are spiritually mature, that you can

1340
01:03:42.520 --> 01:03:48.200
run things by, then definitely I, you know, that's what I do for my community.

1341
01:03:48.200 --> 01:03:54.440
I have a lot of really seasoned leaders in my community and coaches.

1342
01:03:54.440 --> 01:04:01.520
Don't get yourself into an abusive situation because you thought that God sent this person

1343
01:04:01.520 --> 01:04:02.520
to you.

1344
01:04:02.520 --> 01:04:07.920
And another thing that you can really do is you can pay attention to real life.

1345
01:04:07.920 --> 01:04:10.520
You know, is this person actually really stable?

1346
01:04:10.520 --> 01:04:12.600
Is this person who they say they are?

1347
01:04:12.600 --> 01:04:14.360
Do other people know this person?

1348
01:04:14.360 --> 01:04:16.580
Does this person have a good reputation?

1349
01:04:16.580 --> 01:04:18.080
Is this person even interested in you?

1350
01:04:18.080 --> 01:04:20.680
I've seen people, you guys, I'm not kidding.

1351
01:04:20.680 --> 01:04:27.440
I have seen people pine away after someone in their community for years, waiting for

1352
01:04:27.440 --> 01:04:29.040
that person to notice them.

1353
01:04:29.040 --> 01:04:33.680
Well, they know the person knows them, but waiting for that person to notice them romantically,

1354
01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:37.880
to ask them on a date, to declare that they're the one that they've been waiting for, because

1355
01:04:37.880 --> 01:04:38.880
they had a dream.

1356
01:04:38.880 --> 01:04:40.680
Did they run that dream by anyone?

1357
01:04:40.680 --> 01:04:44.000
No, not until they ran it by me and they'd already been waiting for five years because

1358
01:04:44.000 --> 01:04:47.160
this person doesn't like them like that.

1359
01:04:47.160 --> 01:04:50.640
Just like, well, you know, every time I pray about it, God tells me, just, you know, just

1360
01:04:50.640 --> 01:04:51.640
wait.

1361
01:04:51.640 --> 01:04:56.600
I'm not done working on them yet, but no, that's not God.

1362
01:04:56.600 --> 01:04:57.600
Okay.

1363
01:04:57.600 --> 01:04:59.960
And so I would love to help you figure out whether it is.

1364
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.520
or isn't God? Am I saying that God can never show us something supernaturally? No, I'm not saying

1365
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:14.160
that. But I'm saying if it is God, there will be a witness in that other person and that other

1366
01:05:14.160 --> 01:05:22.640
person will show you the confirmation of that by being interested in you, not by, you know,

1367
01:05:22.640 --> 01:05:26.960
you just waiting silently for them to come to their senses. So if you've been doing that,

1368
01:05:26.960 --> 01:05:33.280
please don't do that. Please don't do that. I promise you, you guys, I used to teach a thing

1369
01:05:34.160 --> 01:05:40.480
in my old church in Ohio back in the day. And so many girls had came to me, had come to me

1370
01:05:41.040 --> 01:05:45.200
privately and told me that this one assistant pastor, and he was cute and he was young and he

1371
01:05:45.200 --> 01:05:51.360
was single, that God had told them that he was their husband unbeknownst to each other.

1372
01:05:52.240 --> 01:05:58.160
And so finally I just was like, okay, raise your hand if you think pastor so-and-so is your husband.

1373
01:05:58.160 --> 01:06:03.040
I called them all out at the same time. And there was all these hands going up and everyone looking

1374
01:06:03.040 --> 01:06:06.960
at each other. And guess what? He did get married to a girl from that church, but none of those

1375
01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:14.320
girls. And he had been secretly dating the girl that he married for a long time. And guess what?

1376
01:06:14.320 --> 01:06:18.480
He was secretly dating her because he knew that all the girls in the church thought he was their

1377
01:06:18.480 --> 01:06:23.840
husband. You guys don't put this kind of pressure on people. Don't put this kind of pressure on

1378
01:06:23.840 --> 01:06:31.920
people. Let people just live their lives. Okay. All right. I hope that's helpful. God can,

1379
01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:37.440
does he, usually it's more common sense and usually it's more, you know, just

1380
01:06:39.360 --> 01:06:47.120
a witness to each other's attraction. That is God in the mix. Okay. I will tell you ladies,

1381
01:06:47.120 --> 01:06:51.760
I've officiated a lot of weddings and men, especially men of God, spiritual men,

1382
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:56.720
they know very quickly whether or not they want to pursue you to marriage.

1383
01:06:57.280 --> 01:07:02.000
They know very quickly whether or not you're someone that they would want to marry, whether

1384
01:07:02.000 --> 01:07:07.760
you marry them or not is, you know, your decision. But almost every one of them, I asked this question

1385
01:07:07.760 --> 01:07:12.160
before I officiate when I'm, you know, doing my notes. And I say, Hey, when did you know

1386
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:16.720
that she was the woman you wanted to marry? And almost all of them said that they knew within

1387
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:22.400
the first couple of weeks of knowing her. Now they didn't say that to her. And that's what you have

1388
01:07:22.400 --> 01:07:28.560
to watch for. If a man tries to rush you too fast into committed relationship, he tries to rush you

1389
01:07:28.560 --> 01:07:32.880
too fast into, Oh, I think you're the one. I think God's showing me you're the one. Or, you know,

1390
01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:37.040
even if he isn't a God person, if he's just like, Oh, I've been waiting for you all my life. And

1391
01:07:37.040 --> 01:07:41.520
where have you been all my life? And you know, I'm already falling in love with you guys.

1392
01:07:41.520 --> 01:07:48.240
That is dangerous behavior. Okay. We call that love bombing. Yes. But I will tell you securely

1393
01:07:48.240 --> 01:07:55.200
attached men, not insecure men, not avoidance or anxious attachers, securely attached men also know

1394
01:07:55.200 --> 01:08:00.960
very quickly that you are what they want and what they would like to partner with. But they don't

1395
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:07.840
tell you because they also are mature. They're waiting to see how it works out with you. They

1396
01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:13.360
don't want to scare you away. They don't want to pressure you or, you know, put you in a bad

1397
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:18.720
situation. We want that kind of emotionally mature man. Okay. Is it Tariana, Tariana?

1398
01:08:19.359 --> 01:08:24.640
How would I say that? What is it? Tariana. Okay. What's your question?

1399
01:08:25.439 --> 01:08:31.359
Um, two or three ways to spot an avoidance wearing a mask.

1400
01:08:31.920 --> 01:08:37.840
You guys are getting into some deep questions in week one. Um, okay. I mean, there's so many

1401
01:08:37.840 --> 01:08:41.680
ways, but when we get into the later weeks of the book club, we're going to talk about

1402
01:08:42.399 --> 01:08:50.160
consistency. Okay. And most avoidance run hot and cold. They're usually not consistent. Now

1403
01:08:50.160 --> 01:08:56.000
that's not every single avoidant, but in my experience, a lot of them, they will like,

1404
01:08:56.880 --> 01:09:01.439
they'll move in really quick, you know, and they'll, they'll, they'll wine and dine you.

1405
01:09:01.439 --> 01:09:05.920
And they'll just like, they'll romance you in different things. And then, you know, you'll have

1406
01:09:05.920 --> 01:09:10.640
a really great date with them. And then you won't hear from them for three days. You know why?

1407
01:09:10.640 --> 01:09:15.120
Because they're having an emotional hangover over here because they shared too much with you. They

1408
01:09:15.120 --> 01:09:19.040
got too close to you. They violated some of their inner principles and now they're over here,

1409
01:09:19.760 --> 01:09:23.760
you know, pulling all the way back. And so they're usually, they usually run hot and cold.

1410
01:09:23.760 --> 01:09:29.920
And so inconsistency, you guys, if someone, and gentlemen as well, women can be avoidance,

1411
01:09:29.920 --> 01:09:37.680
it's not as, it's not as a common, but they can. Women are definitely more disorder detachers.

1412
01:09:37.680 --> 01:09:41.840
You're going to see lots more disorder attachment in women than men. You're gonna see a lot more

1413
01:09:41.840 --> 01:09:47.279
avoidant attachment in men than women. You're gonna see a lot of more anxious attachment in

1414
01:09:47.279 --> 01:09:52.720
women than men. Although there are, there are anxious attachers in men and there are avoidant

1415
01:09:52.720 --> 01:09:57.520
attachers in women. Okay. And sometimes people are just on the spectrum of attachment. We do

1416
01:09:57.520 --> 01:09:59.760
call that disordered, but I will tell you.

1417
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.600
More men, believe this or not,

1418
01:10:02.600 --> 01:10:04.600
doesn't matter if you believe it,

1419
01:10:04.600 --> 01:10:08.640
these are stats, more men are secure attachers than women.

1420
01:10:09.600 --> 01:10:13.200
More women have insecure attachment than men.

1421
01:10:13.200 --> 01:10:14.520
And can I tell you why?

1422
01:10:14.520 --> 01:10:16.580
Because women were born with the idea

1423
01:10:16.580 --> 01:10:19.160
that we just have to wait around to be chosen.

1424
01:10:19.160 --> 01:10:21.080
We just have to wait around to be chosen.

1425
01:10:21.080 --> 01:10:23.260
And so women, a lot of times will manipulate,

1426
01:10:23.260 --> 01:10:25.840
they'll seduce, they'll do things to try to be chosen

1427
01:10:25.840 --> 01:10:28.640
because they believe that they're powerless

1428
01:10:28.640 --> 01:10:30.200
when it comes to their love story.

1429
01:10:30.200 --> 01:10:32.200
And I wanna change that for all of you ladies

1430
01:10:32.200 --> 01:10:34.480
because you're not powerless.

1431
01:10:34.480 --> 01:10:36.920
In fact, you're the one that actually in the old model,

1432
01:10:36.920 --> 01:10:38.080
in the village model,

1433
01:10:38.920 --> 01:10:40.900
not in the new industrial revolution model,

1434
01:10:40.900 --> 01:10:42.600
but in the old model, in the village model,

1435
01:10:42.600 --> 01:10:44.400
you're the one that gets to do the choosing.

1436
01:10:44.400 --> 01:10:45.720
No offense, gentlemen,

1437
01:10:45.720 --> 01:10:47.620
but she's the one that gets to either choose you

1438
01:10:47.620 --> 01:10:48.960
or not choose you.

1439
01:10:49.920 --> 01:10:52.440
So I wanna say something over all the women in here

1440
01:10:52.440 --> 01:10:53.800
and men, you're not gonna be offended

1441
01:10:53.800 --> 01:10:54.880
because you're good men

1442
01:10:54.880 --> 01:10:57.320
and you want a woman to choose you back if you choose her.

1443
01:10:57.320 --> 01:10:59.860
But I'm gonna say this and I want you to take it in,

1444
01:10:59.860 --> 01:11:02.760
write it down and say it over yourself as much as you can

1445
01:11:02.760 --> 01:11:05.360
because God said this to me years ago in this process

1446
01:11:05.360 --> 01:11:08.440
and I'm gonna say it to you, okay?

1447
01:11:08.440 --> 01:11:12.340
There's a saying that says beggars can't be choosers,

1448
01:11:13.860 --> 01:11:14.840
right?

1449
01:11:14.840 --> 01:11:16.000
And what does that beggar mean?

1450
01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:17.240
That's a poverty mentality.

1451
01:11:17.240 --> 01:11:18.680
That's a scarcity mentality.

1452
01:11:18.680 --> 01:11:21.680
That's a I just have to settle for what I can get mentality.

1453
01:11:23.000 --> 01:11:24.200
Okay?

1454
01:11:24.200 --> 01:11:25.320
But I just wanna say to you

1455
01:11:25.320 --> 01:11:28.060
that beggars can't be choosers,

1456
01:11:29.000 --> 01:11:31.080
but you're not a beggar,

1457
01:11:31.080 --> 01:11:34.440
you're a chooser and choosers have options.

1458
01:11:34.440 --> 01:11:36.600
I want you to write that down.

1459
01:11:36.600 --> 01:11:37.840
You're not a beggar,

1460
01:11:38.840 --> 01:11:40.120
you're a daughter of God

1461
01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:45.960
and choosers have options, okay?

1462
01:11:45.960 --> 01:11:47.240
So you're not out of options.

1463
01:11:47.240 --> 01:11:49.780
I know it feels like you've never had any options,

1464
01:11:49.780 --> 01:11:52.520
but you have and you're gonna begin to see those more

1465
01:11:52.520 --> 01:11:53.760
and more as we go forward.

1466
01:11:53.800 --> 01:11:55.400
Sandy Hernandez, what do we got?

1467
01:11:56.960 --> 01:11:59.000
So I am that chill girl

1468
01:11:59.000 --> 01:12:02.480
and then this is what you just said just spoke to me huge,

1469
01:12:02.480 --> 01:12:03.840
but here's the deal.

1470
01:12:03.840 --> 01:12:08.840
I keep on, I mean, I've been chosen like when I was younger,

1471
01:12:09.280 --> 01:12:11.400
but I mean, cause I got married,

1472
01:12:11.400 --> 01:12:16.400
but since I've dated for the last eight years or whatever,

1473
01:12:16.880 --> 01:12:20.600
I'm very chill and I like to just go with the flow,

1474
01:12:20.600 --> 01:12:23.120
but I feel like I'm not getting chosen time and time again

1475
01:12:23.160 --> 01:12:27.920
and I need to know some tools of how to be chosen.

1476
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:28.920
So that's.

1477
01:12:28.920 --> 01:12:31.120
Once again, we're gonna get into all of this, you guys,

1478
01:12:31.120 --> 01:12:34.280
in the weeks to come about what to look for.

1479
01:12:34.280 --> 01:12:36.400
I'm gonna teach you guys how to tell

1480
01:12:36.400 --> 01:12:38.780
whether a man is marriage curious or marriage minded

1481
01:12:38.780 --> 01:12:41.280
in the first couple of times that you're in his presence.

1482
01:12:41.280 --> 01:12:43.160
Because for those of you that really wanna be married,

1483
01:12:43.160 --> 01:12:44.480
you're not gonna mess around with someone

1484
01:12:44.480 --> 01:12:47.040
who's just curious about marriage someday

1485
01:12:47.040 --> 01:12:49.740
and you're hoping that he'll fall in love enough with you

1486
01:12:49.740 --> 01:12:51.260
that he'll be marriage minded.

1487
01:12:51.260 --> 01:12:53.000
No, masculine, mature and marriage minded.

1488
01:12:53.840 --> 01:12:54.680
And gentlemen, I'm gonna teach you how to see

1489
01:12:54.680 --> 01:12:56.200
whether a woman is flighty,

1490
01:12:56.200 --> 01:12:57.880
whether she's a fliberty gibbet,

1491
01:12:57.880 --> 01:13:00.200
or whether she's serious about partnering with a man

1492
01:13:00.200 --> 01:13:01.360
and building something.

1493
01:13:01.360 --> 01:13:03.240
I'm gonna teach you guys all of that.

1494
01:13:03.240 --> 01:13:04.560
Okay, but here's the thing, Sandy,

1495
01:13:04.560 --> 01:13:06.040
the reason why you're not getting chosen

1496
01:13:06.040 --> 01:13:08.000
is because men don't like the pick me girl.

1497
01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:09.940
I know we think that they do,

1498
01:13:09.940 --> 01:13:11.760
but they don't like the chill girl.

1499
01:13:11.760 --> 01:13:13.560
They like to hang out with her.

1500
01:13:13.560 --> 01:13:15.520
They will be happy to have, you know,

1501
01:13:15.520 --> 01:13:18.200
a friends with benefits situation with her,

1502
01:13:18.200 --> 01:13:22.800
but they don't choose her because men like to be challenged.

1503
01:13:23.760 --> 01:13:25.320
And ladies, that doesn't mean nagged.

1504
01:13:25.320 --> 01:13:27.600
That doesn't mean abused verbally.

1505
01:13:27.600 --> 01:13:29.600
That doesn't mean you run hot and cold

1506
01:13:29.600 --> 01:13:31.760
and you're trying to make him prove himself

1507
01:13:31.760 --> 01:13:33.240
and you wanna be a princess.

1508
01:13:33.240 --> 01:13:34.360
It doesn't mean any of that.

1509
01:13:34.360 --> 01:13:38.500
It just means that men like women who know what they want

1510
01:13:38.500 --> 01:13:42.920
and are, you know, really pretty sure about it, okay?

1511
01:13:42.920 --> 01:13:44.800
That's attractive to especially

1512
01:13:44.800 --> 01:13:46.280
a marriage minded man, Sandy.

1513
01:13:46.280 --> 01:13:48.240
So we gotta get rid of this.

1514
01:13:48.240 --> 01:13:49.640
Go with the flow, Sandy,

1515
01:13:49.640 --> 01:13:51.680
because Sandy, you have opinions,

1516
01:13:51.680 --> 01:13:53.760
you have desires, you have needs,

1517
01:13:53.760 --> 01:13:56.560
and expressing those things and expressing them early

1518
01:13:56.560 --> 01:13:59.160
is gonna weed out all the guys that are not serious.

1519
01:14:01.800 --> 01:14:03.240
Thank you.

1520
01:14:03.240 --> 01:14:05.360
We're gonna have so much fun, Sandy, the next four weeks.

1521
01:14:05.360 --> 01:14:06.480
Thank you.

1522
01:14:06.480 --> 01:14:08.640
Let Tisha or Letitia?

1523
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:10.600
Hey, yes, Letitia.

1524
01:14:10.600 --> 01:14:12.200
Letitia.

1525
01:14:12.200 --> 01:14:14.520
Okay, so my question is,

1526
01:14:14.520 --> 01:14:16.640
and this might lean towards the anxiety,

1527
01:14:16.640 --> 01:14:19.440
but I am scarcity, so afraid, you know,

1528
01:14:20.120 --> 01:14:20.960
that no one better is out there.

1529
01:14:20.960 --> 01:14:23.520
I guess, how do you,

1530
01:14:23.520 --> 01:14:27.920
or how do I control my emotions in those early stages

1531
01:14:27.920 --> 01:14:30.080
and not get like too excited, I guess?

1532
01:14:31.360 --> 01:14:33.080
Yeah, well, you know, and we're, once again,

1533
01:14:33.080 --> 01:14:34.200
you guys, I promise you,

1534
01:14:34.200 --> 01:14:36.840
we're gonna deep dive into a lot of this stuff

1535
01:14:36.840 --> 01:14:37.760
as we go forward.

1536
01:14:37.760 --> 01:14:39.320
But, you know, I just wanna,

1537
01:14:39.320 --> 01:14:41.160
I wanna tell you guys something that might be offensive,

1538
01:14:41.160 --> 01:14:44.320
but there's always someone better out there.

1539
01:14:44.320 --> 01:14:45.880
There's always someone better out there,

1540
01:14:45.880 --> 01:14:47.480
but are they better for you?

1541
01:14:47.480 --> 01:14:48.680
And that's what I'm gonna teach you

1542
01:14:48.720 --> 01:14:52.120
how to discern pretty early in the first 30 days,

1543
01:14:52.120 --> 01:14:55.160
60 days, 90 days of a relationship.

1544
01:14:55.160 --> 01:14:56.520
Is, yeah, there's someone,

1545
01:14:56.520 --> 01:14:58.000
is there someone hotter out there?

1546
01:14:58.000 --> 01:14:58.840
Yes.

1547
01:14:58.840 --> 01:15:00.400
Is there someone with bluer eyes?

1548
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.240
or thicker hair?

1549
01:15:01.240 --> 01:15:02.460
Is there someone with more money?

1550
01:15:02.460 --> 01:15:04.200
Is there someone with, yeah,

1551
01:15:04.200 --> 01:15:06.320
there's always gonna be someone who's more handsome,

1552
01:15:06.320 --> 01:15:09.240
more beautiful, has better finances,

1553
01:15:09.240 --> 01:15:10.720
has this or that or whatever,

1554
01:15:10.720 --> 01:15:12.760
but are they better for you?

1555
01:15:12.760 --> 01:15:13.960
That's the question,

1556
01:15:13.960 --> 01:15:15.240
because you're gonna get to know yourself

1557
01:15:15.240 --> 01:15:16.380
really well in this book club.

1558
01:15:16.380 --> 01:15:17.760
It's not just about finding someone,

1559
01:15:17.760 --> 01:15:18.980
it's about finding yourself.

1560
01:15:18.980 --> 01:15:20.720
You're gonna get to know yourself really well.

1561
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:23.200
You're gonna get to know your non-negotiables really well,

1562
01:15:23.200 --> 01:15:25.100
and they're gonna be built on something solid,

1563
01:15:25.100 --> 01:15:26.320
not just your preferences

1564
01:15:26.320 --> 01:15:28.040
and how you feel today or tomorrow,

1565
01:15:28.040 --> 01:15:30.200
and that is going to help you

1566
01:15:30.200 --> 01:15:33.960
to discern the answer to Letitia's question

1567
01:15:33.960 --> 01:15:36.480
of how do I get rid of scarcity?

1568
01:15:36.480 --> 01:15:38.520
How do I stop worrying about,

1569
01:15:38.520 --> 01:15:40.460
am I picking the wrong person?

1570
01:15:40.460 --> 01:15:42.600
And getting too excited about,

1571
01:15:42.600 --> 01:15:43.920
oh, oh, this is the one

1572
01:15:43.920 --> 01:15:46.960
when they don't really actually have the things that I need

1573
01:15:46.960 --> 01:15:49.480
in a long-term compatible mate.

1574
01:15:49.480 --> 01:15:51.320
So we're gonna dig into all that.

1575
01:15:51.320 --> 01:15:52.940
So I promise you, it's gonna be good,

1576
01:15:52.940 --> 01:15:56.320
and you guys are gonna leave here completely reformed

1577
01:15:56.320 --> 01:15:58.880
in this crazy modern dating culture.

1578
01:15:58.880 --> 01:16:01.000
You're no longer gonna be disgruntled daters.

1579
01:16:01.000 --> 01:16:04.020
You are going to be your own matchmakers,

1580
01:16:04.020 --> 01:16:05.600
and it's gonna be beautiful.

1581
01:16:05.600 --> 01:16:08.080
All right, friends, that's our last question for tonight.

1582
01:16:08.080 --> 01:16:09.400
We're right on time.

1583
01:16:09.400 --> 01:16:10.400
I appreciate y'all.

1584
01:16:10.400 --> 01:16:11.720
I love y'all for being here.

1585
01:16:11.720 --> 01:16:14.940
Remember, show up in the app, ask those questions.

1586
01:16:14.940 --> 01:16:16.720
Tell us even wins tonight that you got,

1587
01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:17.560
breakthrough you got tonight.

1588
01:16:17.560 --> 01:16:18.920
We'd love to hear about it,

1589
01:16:18.920 --> 01:16:21.560
and introduce yourselves because everyone wants to meet you.

1590
01:16:21.560 --> 01:16:22.920
I'll see you soon, bye.