Hey, it's July 20th, Men's Heart Check-In, and we got a bunch of amazing men on.
We're going to chat about a myriad of things.
So anybody, Kevin, it's good to have you on.
How you been doing?
Like, you got any breakthroughs, anything that, any, I mean, you're working, so that's
a breakthrough, right?
What's going on?
Okay.
Anybody else have something to share?
Anything that they want to get into?
Can you guys hear me?
All right, cool, thank you, Jesus, because if I have a problem, all right, cool, it's
just quiet, bro.
Mr. Henshaw, how are you?
How are you?
How are you feeling?
I know you've had some rough things happen, so how are you doing?
I'm doing better, but definitely a lot of breakthroughs, a lot of warfare this month,
so yeah.
Yeah.
You know, recovering still from any injuries from the accident, so.
I mean, if the accident really kind of wiped you out, huh?
Yeah, I mean, I'm scheduled to see the chiropractor three times a week until things get better
or worse.
Yeah.
Depending on how it goes, you know.
Lord Jesus, I just ask that you would heal David's body, his skeletal and everything
that comes with it, just complete body, everything from the accident and any other previous where
we just ask for divine healing and restoration, and that he can walk into everything he's
called to be, and he can get to Tennessee and be introduced to his future bride, in
Jesus' name, amen.
All right.
Thanks, Mike.
You're welcome.
So, hey guys, sweet, we've got Kevin, I've got Christopher on his way to work, I'm assuming.
How are you doing, buddy?
You know, we're alive, we're relatively healthy, we're on time, can't complain, I guess.
Sweet.
Oh, man, I don't know if I can hold back my, I have a crazy testimony, guys.
I was in Reading this weekend, and I'm getting anointing oil in the bookstore, and this gal
says something that resonated in my spirit, like, well, she says something that jarred
my spirit.
And I'm sitting there and I'm like, she's like, my brother is transgender.
And the Lord's like, no, your brother was transgender.
And I was like, hey, you know, I don't mean to interrupt, but like, can we just say that
your brother was transgender?
And she's like, you're right.
You're so right.
And I'm like, cool.
So I walk out.
No big deal.
Not anything.
Oh, no, she walks out.
I get the anointing oil that I was getting, which I was going to get earlier, but I decided
to wait for that moment.
So then I'm walking out in the parking lot and I feel these eyes that are watching me.
And so there was this Jeep Rubicon that was completely tinted.
And it's pulling up to me and I'm like, well, this could be interesting.
And so then it opens the door and it's the couple of gals that were in the bookstore.
And they're like, you know, thank you.
And so then I started prophesying again, not like, you know, just like her brother, the
Lord just put on my heart.
And I was like, hey, have a blessed trip.
See you guys later.
So they leave and I'm driving down the hill at Bethel and they are coming back up the
hill and waving like rapidly.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, what happened?
And they hit something.
You know, I was thinking there was some sort of emergency.
So I stopped and the gal who I was prophesying over, her friend's like, hey, are you single?
I'm like, yeah.
Like, do you want to be married?
Yeah.
What's your number?
And so I gave her my number.
She's like, are you interested?
And I'm like, eh, because I'm talking to a 20 year old and I'm like, so I was like, interested
to do it.
And then I was like, oh, yeah.
So I'm now in a relationship with a gal who just flew to Virginia and we're, I'm courting
her.
So we're going to see how it goes.
So you guys, my friend, like it can happen in an instant.
Oh, and by the way, like my list of everything I wanted in a spouse, she fits it.
It's crazy.
Like, I wanted somebody to do inner healing with and she's like, so do you do inner healing?
And I'm like, shut up.
And so and I said something and she's like, shut up.
So you guys, I just want to encourage you, like, it's been bleak for a while.
But all of a sudden, it's like, I told her, I was like, if I fly to Virginia to meet you,
I'm going to come propose.
And she's like, okay.
Right?
Which is nuts.
But, uh, well, because when I congratulations, brother, so when I, when I, um, when I, you
know, I always told is like, if I see God in it, and he, his hand is definitely in this,
it's like, you know, I'm going to, I'm just going to move.
And I told her, you're free to, you're free to do whatever you want to do.
I'm like, but I'm going to pursue you in this way.
Are you all right?
So I was pretty upfront and probably, yeah, she lives in Virginia.
I was like, Lord, could you, could you kept her around?
Oh, so my number one thing I was looking for was a worshiper.
There was a, it was a worship conference and that's why she was there.
Right?
And so, um, and, uh, oh, and so, and so, yeah, it's just, you guys, it can happen, it can
happen in a minute.
And I'm just testifying to that.
I literally just got off a two hour video call with her.
So Lord, I just ask that you bring suddenlies to all these guys here, help them to be ready
for it, help them to walk in it, help them to, um, like help me, Lord, to, um, encourage
them and to equip them to be the best man and husbands and, um, just, and to see, uh,
and Lord, we just ask for your grace, um, and your intersection on every one of these
lives and everybody who will listen to this in Jesus name.
All right.
So that's my crazy testimony.
Um, uh, you guys, I was still kind of trying to figure it out, but like, um, I, I, I tried
to, uh, I asked all the questions that I shouldn't have asked, you know, I was like, Hey, can
you, can you relocate?
Actually, I need to ask that question.
Um, and none of them, like, she's like, let's go.
And I'm like, this is crazy.
She's like, yeah, I know.
But God's in it.
When God's in it, when God is for, Jackie says, like, there's two types of fast relationships.
There's the, the, um, the chemistry kind where it's a train wreck and then there's a God
ordained one.
So, um, so yeah, anybody, uh, got anything they want to discuss, chat about any, anybody
got some wins?
Um, Mar, I see there's a Mario, Mario, do I know you?
Are you, are you new?
Um, uh, yes, I'm new.
Okay, cool.
I was like, I'm like, I'm pretty sure, but like, I don't want to assume, right.
So, uh, where are you, where are you located at Houston?
Okay, cool.
And so how'd you hear about, um, last year single, uh, recommended by a friend of mine,
maybe a couple of years ago, I joined, but I was not a following or doing any work on
till I attended these book club, uh, during the summer.
Uh, okay.
Yeah.
That's when I, when I got more, uh, information on how to connect and you know, what to do
and so on.
Awesome.
Well, welcome.
Cool.
And Houston.
And so, uh, see, well, um, yeah, so we kinda, so have you started the heart work?
Yes.
Um, lesson three, I think.
Okay, cool.
So, um, we can, we can discuss that or like, um, like we, if you ever have any questions,
we, I like the whole point of this call is to help people with heart work or what, uh,
navigate the things that are challenging in the relationships.
Right.
So, um, cool.
Well, welcome.
Hey, Joe.
Mr. Jesse, I see your face.
You're looking pretty good, bro.
Like, you know, I, he's got the beard.
You see, Jesse, Jesse's got that fricking amazing beard going on.
I can't do that, bro.
Hey, good to see you, Mike.
Thank you for the compliment.
You're looking good as well.
Yeah.
So, uh, everything good in your head?
What's that?
Everything good with you?
Anything exciting and new?
Um, yeah.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
So, um, last week I was on as well.
Um, it hadn't been on much before that.
Recently I had, I talked to a girl on Friday night that I met a week prior.
We talked for five and a half hours.
Wow.
I've never done that that long before.
And then, yeah, and then we actually FaceTimed at like three and a half hours in.
I'm like, we should FaceTime sometime.
And she's like, and somehow we decided to go ahead and do that.
But it was like two in the morning at that point.
And like, anyhow, I feel bad because like.
She looked pretty rough, like not like her pictures, but she usually wears glasses and
she wasn't wearing glasses.
I'm sure the angle was terrible and the lighting was terrible and everything, but I'm trying
not to think into that too much.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
Dude.
Yeah.
But you connected, right?
Yeah.
She's a great girl.
Yeah.
She's fun.
Yeah.
She's been through some stuff, some self-inflicted wounds, but she does love the Lord and she's
from a good family, but yeah.
Awesome.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
And you know, it's funny because I wasn't checking this, the gal that I was talking
to.
I didn't even check her out because I wasn't paying attention, right?
Like it wasn't my intent, like I thought she was in her 20s, right?
You know, and she ended up being 40.
So today on the call, I was stressed because I'm like, oh, well, I sure hope this, like
Lord, you're in it.
And I'm like, oh, cool.
She's, you know, she works.
But yeah.
But like it's really hard when people's pictures and their profiles don't up, don't, don't
drive.
Yeah.
And we were talking about a lot of like, we were asking, we were talking about everything
and even had asked her, I'm like, your pictures are so great.
Like are they doctored at all?
She's like, no.
I mean, I wear makeup.
And then anyhow, I don't know.
I don't know.
It was just like, is that the same girl?
I was like, is that the same girl is what I thought.
The difference between makeup and not makeup nowadays can be staggering.
Yeah.
Like, like I mean, my mom always said, like, you know, ever since I was little, don't marry
somebody until you see them without their makeup, right?
And like, and I, and I've actually heard of people getting divorced for that.
Like you know, they only dated and they never like, she never took her makeup off.
Then they got married and it was real and she didn't have it on.
And they're like, who are you?
Like, you know, and I, you know, I only married the best you and it was, it was, was heartbreaking.
But yeah.
Yeah.
So it feels kind of like I'm wrestling with it because it feels like so stark, petty for
me.
Like, I'm like, am I being petty?
But it was just like, like surprising.
Like, I can't imagine she didn't notice my, like a reaction from me when we were FaceTiming.
Yeah.
I was trying not to like react.
Well, I mean, but it's legit, but it's legit, dude.
I had, I mean, several of the dates I had, they like, dude, they weren't even close.
I was like, what was that when you were like freaking like 10 years ago, right?
You know?
And like, and so at least, you know, but like I say, I actually had a date with a gal a
week before this.
And when I met her, she was all dolled up.
And I mean, like was breathtaking, like, like, like she's, I got tilted and I don't get tilted.
Right.
You know?
And so then she's like, hey, come have dinner with me.
And so we went and I had dinner with her and she didn't have makeup on and I'm like, oh,
okay.
And, and it, I mean, she still looked stunning, but it just was different.
It just, it just wasn't the same thing.
Right.
And so, so, so the, the, there wasn't a continuity in my brain's like, which one is she, you
know?
Right.
And so anybody else, anybody else has anybody else dealt with that?
And I have a quick question.
I have a quick question.
Yeah.
Do phones these days have built in filters or different programs?
Like we tried FaceTiming and it went automatically for some reason it went to WhatsApp for whatever
reason.
I think we both have Apple, I guess.
Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to FaceTime, I guess.
But it went to WhatsApp and for some reason, and I just was thinking like, do phones like
have built in filters these days or no?
Yeah.
I know they do.
Huh?
Yeah, they do.
They can.
On the, on the spot, they can fix your, make you look prettier.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh man, I'm using one right now.
When I take a picture.
Simultaneously.
When I take a picture, it wants to know if I want AI assistant for touch up on my Apple.
I have a, I have an iPhone SE.
It's like 10 years old.
Yeah.
I ain't got none of that.
It's, yeah, they've got all.
So that's interesting.
Yeah.
I never even thought of that, you know?
Well, and, you know, I was talking to this guy, I was like, you know, I was like, I will
never lie to you.
And I asked the same.
I was like, because truth is what relationship, I said, I don't care how hard that truth
is.
Right.
I'm like, we can navigate it, but if you lie, that destroys a lot of things, right?
And, and like, and so I was like, I, and I specifically was like, so many people build
this whole facade of this is what I look like, this is who I am, which is a lie.
Basically, it's not like an outright lie, but it's, it's like, I'm not me.
It's deceit.
Yeah.
And so, and like, why are, how can you build a relationship when you're, it's starting
with deceit?
I mean, you want the founding blocks of your relationship to be trust and honesty, right?
I mean, at least I do.
I don't know.
You guys can do whatever you like, but, you know, and, and so, you know, and there's such
a, a push to look perfect, right?
It's almost a sickness in the, in the, in the, in our age.
Yeah.
Are you able to meet her in person, Jesse?
Is that something you're able to do?
Um, yeah, she's like five hours away in Rhode Island.
Five hours, woo!
What, you got driving gloves on right there, Chris?
What's that?
It's a, that is a separate whole carpal tunnel disaster story that I don't want to get into.
I didn't know if you were racing.
Oh, yeah, this is my racing gloves.
No, this is just me turning 40 in a couple weeks.
Okay.
And typing for a living.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I could, um, she, uh, she's Brazilian, which I didn't, I didn't know that in the
front end, which is fine, whatever.
Um, so she was rooting against Argentina yesterday.
Oh, of course, yeah.
And I was rooting for Argentina.
So we said, like, you know, whoever wins, you know, gets a coffee from the other person
or whatever.
But anyhow.
Who won?
Uh, Spain.
Yeah, yeah.
It was, Spain was very good.
I thought maybe Argentina would pull off an upset because messy with messy magic.
But anyhow.
Um, what was I saying?
Anyhow, so we're actually going to Maine in two weeks.
So I could maybe swing by, swing by a little bit, or she could swing our way a little bit.
But yeah, I mean, I, I would encourage you if you had that deep of connection where you
can talk for that long, at least, you know, have a night out, find something fun that
you want to do.
It pays to explore it.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
If nothing else, you know, you're going to have fun with her, like in a friend way, because
you guys vibe like that.
So I plan something fun.
Yeah.
I, I, in general, that's what I would do next.
But I don't know.
We'll see.
She is five hours away.
So, and when we're headed to Maine, I'm headed there with my four kids.
Oh, so it would have to, we'd have to work something out.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't realize that you had four kids.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, and they're great.
They're great kids for sure.
Yeah.
Well, that's a thing.
Well, and that's, I think that's another thing, you guys, like this gal has three kids, right?
Um, I have two, but my boys are almost grown.
And so, um, like, you know, a lot of, I mean, you know, I don't know if you guys have looked
at do, am I okay being an instant dad, which, which isn't for everybody.
Right.
Like, um, or, you know, I mean, I know, like, uh, and prepare, you were like, I was like,
trying to say, like, when you go into something, you know, the things you want to know, it's
like, you're not negotiables.
Is that one of them?
Right.
Um, and like, and this gal's like, you know, I got three kids.
I'm like, cool, sweet.
Somebody low.
Right.
Um, more, more family.
And so, um, yeah, anything, you have a question, Chris, or anything?
Well, no, I was going to actually pivot on that because that actually brings up some
of my wins this week and some of my losses.
You guys can compliment on a comment on us to, um, so, uh, I got to meet my fourth, well,
my third niece, uh, I've three nieces in an FB.
Now it's a weird situation because it's actually my late wife's sister, but she has kept me
in her life.
She considered me brother.
And so I've been uncle to her kids, which is really great.
Um, but I got to meet my three week old niece who is just.
the tiniest, most adorable thing.
And I spent the whole time just holding her
and calming her while she's screaming her head off
or, you know, looking around or doing whatever,
just doing the dad thing.
Like, talk about being an instant dad.
I could have done that forever.
I could have stayed overnight, done it tomorrow.
I just, you know, I'd never,
I've had attachments to all those kids, but I don't know.
For some reason, she just, it was like instant.
I am going to die for this creature.
And so, so adorable.
So I could be instant dad, I think.
I've had a lot of kids like that, but.
Nice.
From age zero to age 14 that I've bonded with instantly.
So I think I could.
I think if God put that in my life, I could.
Yeah.
But God, so you know what God's not putting in my life is,
so I think the last update I gave on Lindsay,
who is this girl I've been dating for a few,
a couple months, two and a half months now.
She was supposed to be gone, supposed to be done.
It resurrected yet again,
which is like a third resurrection,
where she came out and she's like, hits me up,
said, hey, I got, I've been, everything's been so crazy,
but I really, really want to see you.
Can you like meet me after work at,
like, I can wake up early because I get off nights.
So she's like, I can wake up early
when you meet at like 6.30 in the morning or whatever.
And she's like, all right.
Well, she really wants to connect.
I had a big, long conversation about,
hey, I need like proof of life.
You can't just like do the pseudo ghosting thing.
Like, I understand you're not a big texter.
You don't like that kind of stuff,
but at least, you know,
don't go 48, 72 hours without responding to my texts.
Like, I gotta know you're alive.
Yeah.
And so we had a date last week on Saturday,
not this Saturday, but the Saturday before.
And then we ended up getting back Sunday.
Saturday night was amazing as it always is
when she's just got kind of unstructured time.
She didn't have work the next morning.
And it's a big, long date.
We actually kind of talked about some deep things
because she's very, very, very like closed and careful,
found out there's some abuse going on
that she's dealing with, I didn't know about.
So she's recovering and needs healing from that
and all that.
And so I was like, okay, we're starting to connect.
We're starting to get on deep things.
We're starting to talk about actual long-term things.
So maybe things are taking a corner.
So Monday, we kind of text a couple times.
Tuesday, once.
Wednesday, nothing.
Thursday, nothing.
Friday, nothing.
Saturday, I'm like, I text her and I'm like,
look, can we have a phone call or something?
I just, I gotta talk to you.
Let's see if we're gonna get together.
So we talk.
She's not gonna have any time to get together this.
She didn't have any time this weekend.
She's not having time next weekend.
Weekend after that's my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna be out of town all weekend.
I did try to invite her, but she's working and all that.
And so I'm just like, so I'm at the point
where I've kind of took yesterday
and I took a couple, two, three hours
just to write this huge long letter.
This huge letter to her, not intending to send it.
I just had to get all of this stuff off out of my head.
My frustrations, my feelings.
And so I do like this girl.
On paper, I mean, compatibility wise,
she's like, we have so many common interests
and we like adventures together.
And I think she's beautiful and we have connections.
She obviously likes me.
There's connection, but I feel my main concern
is that I'm fairly sure that when we're not together,
I don't think I cross her mind at all.
And I have to like force myself to not think about her
because I'm like, you're being crazy
and hormonal and emotional.
So it's just, you need to calm down.
And so I'm just like, that's my main thing
is like, I've been trying to get together with her to talk.
Cause I'm like, this can't keep going.
Like we can't just not spend time with each other
and expect affection to grow.
If affection's growing on your side, you need to say it.
Like I need to hear it.
I'm a words of affirmation and physical touch guy.
I need to hear something out of your mouth
that you actually want this to keep going,
that you actually are becoming deeper,
more deeply attracted or affectionate for me,
that this is moving in a direction
that we both wanted to move in.
And the truth is, if she told me in September,
when she's done with this silly season
and she's back from vacation,
if she told me in September that,
oh, this is all gonna change,
I probably would be that guy where I'm like,
okay, fine, cool, let's just keep going.
But yeah, I can't do this.
like drips and drabs and little dribbled, and...
It's the bread crummy.
Yes.
It's the bread, you know,
I'll give you a little and then drag you on,
and you know, and you go down the path.
And you know...
That's what's out of the attachment style.
That's...
Avoiding?
Yeah.
And so, so you just do what you can, right?
Like, you know, like you put her on the shelf
and like, you know, if it happens, great,
but don't hold your breath, right?
Oh, and that's where I'm at,
is I just, I would like a face-to-face with her,
and if she can't get any time for me,
she said she's gonna try to find some time
before or after work this week,
but I might, I just wanna have a face-to-face
and just be done.
I don't wanna break it off forever,
but I'm saying either we need to be done,
or let's just put this,
let's just put this on ice,
and read, and you can text me
when you're out of your silly season in September,
where we can actually see each other.
And, but I can't do this whole,
wondering if you're ever gonna text me,
wondering if you're ever gonna schedule the next thing,
thinking that you've ghosted me.
Yeah, it makes sense.
Yeah, so that's where I'm at.
She's still, but I like, I don't wanna move on,
I don't wanna jump back on the apps
and start chatting with other people
instead of scheduling dates,
until I've like, had this face-to-face and say,
look, we're, I know I've offered exclusivity,
I know we're being exclusive,
but like, you're, I got nothing, dude.
I'm being exclusive with an absent person.
Yeah, yeah.
With yourself.
I mean, I'm already exclusive with myself.
I don't need help myself.
It's like, you know, I'm doing pretty good
being single by myself.
I don't need you to help me.
So I'm sorry, Chris, that's, I understand your pain.
You know, Jackie's like, Mike, you fight all the avoidance.
And I'm like, yeah, I do.
It actually happened.
The new gal.
Okay, here's another pro, I could just prophesy this,
that you'll start finding people who will engage.
You know, like, yeah, she's secure.
She was disorganized.
So like, but she's like, I did all the work.
So, and I'm proud of you guys for doing the work.
So, but yeah, chasing avoidant
or doing the avoidant games are not,
it really is a boundary thing, right?
Setting boundaries and like, you know,
but the problem is, is we don't want to set boundaries
because then there's a chance of losing and we do like it.
So it has that whole conundrum, right?
Like, cause the reality is, hey, I'm worth more.
And there's somebody who would give me the time.
You know, like this gal, Jessica and I,
like we're gonna be like on a call every day,
every day for the next week and a half
because she has to go back to school.
So we're just gonna blitz and hang out
and like build something, right?
And so we get to know each other.
And so you're looking at, you know,
I've spent so many dates looking for somebody
who was available, right?
You know, and they're out there
and you're an amazing dude, dude.
Like, I mean, I can't believe anybody's like,
not just like, hey, dude, let's go, right?
So, and-
And I'm not, I'm not like saying that to my own horny.
I agree with you.
I just, like I said, I only, I need to hear the words.
I just need some direction.
She's very tight lipped.
She's very introverted.
She's even admitted, look,
I have trouble with the whole emotional things.
Like I don't say what I,
I should say things and I just don't, I get it.
So I've been patient and I'm willing to be patient,
but I need to hear some words.
I need to hear Christopher look.
I, if I had no work right now,
we would be hanging out every single day.
I do want this, like, but it's just, I'm so tired.
Cause it's possible.
I'm tired and busy.
I have no time.
I have no energy.
I have, I've been there.
I've been there where I'm working 16, 18 hour days.
And I had nothing.
I had no capacity for anything, but if that's the,
and she's working six, seven days a week,
plus some family events and all this other garbage she has.
So I get it.
So she's not ready for a relationship.
She's not ready for a relationship and she can't give it.
Yeah.
But I need to hear the words.
I need her to speak to me.
I need her to look me in the eye.
This is what I want.
This is what I'm thinking.
Yes, affection is growing or no, it's not, or good.
I just need information and I have zero information.
That's just frustrating.
Yeah, I can understand that.
Yeah.
And it's related to this abuse.
You said she has some abuse going on or something
in the past?
She mentioned that on our Saturday,
like Saturday night, we really like started getting closer
and like did this thing where I'm like, okay,
I feel like we've crossed over something.
And I started telling her some stuff.
She started telling me some stuff and I'm like,
and she's like, I'm not ready to like roll it out right now.
I'm having to, you know, too good of a time.
I don't want to ruin the moment.
But yeah, it's just understand
that that's what you're getting into.
If you decide to do this, I'm like, that's,
that's like, I'm prepared for that.
If she needs to do some healing on her own,
fine, let's cross that bridge.
But it's not like a deal breaker for me.
Yeah.
But then then we get into this like now we don't talk. So avoidance
What happens is they really want connection. They draw near you have this breakthrough and then they freak out and
bounce
right, and that's the avoidance cycle, right and
It's like yeah, you touched you had this great time
you had all this thing and she's scared and afraid and running right and so
Yeah, and you can wait it out or but here's the thing
Do you I mean like do you want this for the rest of your relationship?
Mean no, I like if she can't
Like communication. I've got at least no, I don't need you. Like I said, I'm not some sort of you're not asking for a lot
Yeah, and and she may not be it sounds like yeah, so I've lived this cycle
So I just my heart my heart goes out to you, right? I mean, I've never been with an avoidant
This is I got I've got four that I've been with like I married one. So, um
It's it's not a fun
It's not a fun circle I didn't I didn't know about it when I was married right and then I got I didn't know about
It before a few months ago when you guys mentioned it and so like basically love has been scary. So when they draw near
Our be our
They lose control. They're afraid that they're gonna get hurt
So they bounce but they intensely want to be connected, but they just I mean, that's a really terrible description of it
but like basically intimacy scares them though, they want it and so then they go and they
Regulate themselves and they come back when they're regulated
And it needs inner healing to to become secure to where you can actually
Have a relationship right and people can't heal it, but are they working on it and and do you want to?
Navigate that I mean because if you do great, I mean, that's that's your that's but like I mean like this gal today
I just was blown away like we're having a conversation. She's not running. She's actually grilling me with really heavy questions
like, you know, I just like
Not heavy questions, but like she's just like hey, all right, let's let's do
Let's do this. I'm not running. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing
I'm pushing with you. I want to I want to go to right and so
And that's my prayer for all you is that you find somebody who wants to run with you
so, um, I
Mean, this is good information. Like I'm I'm it's all falling into place now and I'm just like I still need that face time
I still need to do something. I got it. I got to put an end
You need closure. Yeah, so it was just understandable
Right, I hope you get it like because it's that's one of the things they're not good at either
Like, you know because they want the intimacy
It's just not safe for them. And so
so but the push-pull is is real and like and you really can't be with somebody who
As soon as they get close they run away
Right, and so you can say hey and you sound like you've been putting like hey, you're running away
I need I need to know that you're alive right which is a boundary on and I'm like
I need this for a relationship and she's not able to she hasn't been able to
To honor that because because they're just not capable when they can't it's not that they don't want to is that they're incapable because of
Wounds, right? And so and that's why I
Mean this that's why this course is so like doing the heart work is so important
Um
All right, Chris Lord Jesus help and would you bring somebody who actually
Yeah engages and help her to get help the help she needs so she can actually have healthy conversations to
and
relationships, amen
Anybody else got something want to chat? Hey Dan, how you doing, buddy, right?
Well
Well, you know with my work schedule stuff it's really hard for me to
pull the time to I saw him faced all my
Well, I think I'm on on number four on the on the course. Yeah
But you know seven in the morning and seven at night
That's a long that's a long day
Pretty pretty tough schedule to schedule very much else in with my you know with my kids and my grandkids
Also, but
And and the small town I live in, you know, I mean like 3,500 people
But I don't know. I probably need prayer for inspiration
motivation
direction
Probably something like that. I did join Jackie's big club
It's on Sunday, that's my day off awesome
So, I'm hoping for some of that out of there, and to learn some more stuff, but...
Yeah, well, may the Lord bless that, and give you the bandwidth to have a relationship or
bring that around.
You know, like, you guys, when I'm in a season where I'm running, I don't, you know, Jackie
was asking me, Mike, are you ready for me spotlighted?
I'm like, no, dude, I'm freaking working 12-hour days, right, you know, I don't have bandwidth
to do it.
So, but like, Kevin, I really like that, even though you don't have the bandwidth, you're
still pushing, you're still moving forward, even though it's to better yourself, so when
you are available and have the bandwidth, you can do it, so I'm, way to go, dude, it's
amazing.
I've got a pretty easy boss, I mean, my hours can be flexible if they need to be, you know,
but unless there's something in front of me, you know, something in front of me, then
I'm going to spend time working, because it's seasonal, and my boss sold his company, so
I'm not quite sure I'm doing it, what I'm doing after I'm done, you know, it's...
You get it, you get it while you can, right?
Yeah, yeah.
No, absolutely, no, it makes sense, so good job, I mean, you're doing awesome, I mean,
you can only do what you can do.
Yep, yep.
This is, this is my view here.
Wow, that's wild.
This is, that's Valdez Glacier, it goes way back up into the canyon, but we're doing some
reclaiming DNR work, trying to make them happy, Department of Resources work, so it's an old
quarry that we're probably done with, but trying to make it more touristy, trellis stuff,
they come out here and go kayaking in between the glaciers.
That's wild, bro, that's wild, that's cool.
Okay, well, I'll let you guys go, I'm going to pick you on mute again and turn this thing
back up.
All right, cool, hey, have a great, have a good time, and blessings to you.
Yeah, blessings to you.
Hey, other Christopher, how are you doing, bud?
Anything new and exciting, anything moving for you?
None, I got nothing to share.
I'm sorry, bro.
Well, Lord, would you help Christopher have something to share?
I mean, was it at least encouraging hearing my story?
Like, I'm kind of blown away, guys, you know?
I hope it was encouraging to your heart, and Lord, I just ask that you would heal hopelessness
right now, and discouragement, and that you bring desires fulfilled, and the tree of life,
Lord, because waiting takes forever, and it makes the heart sick.
So I just pray you heal the sick hearts, that you break off the hopelessness and the despair,
and even despondency, and that you just would bless it with shalom and love, and just freedom,
and help each of these guys get to where they need to be to be ready for their spirit mate,
and Lord, would you intersect them?
Amen.
So, man, it's 540.
I should try to think.
Anything you guys want to cover that would be applicable to what you're going through
at the moment?
I mean, I can do a myriad of things.
I mean, I think we've talked about the avoidant attachment, avoidance, just about every,
seems like every time.
So anything, like the apps, like how to do apps, shoot.
One of the biggest things, you guys, you know, and I know I'm going to beat all the dead
horses until everybody rides them, right, is women need emotional availability, right?
And I wasn't, because we need sex, they need emotional availability, right?
And if, you know, some of you guys are very expressive and very emotionally available,
or like you can express yourself and have bandwidth.
Women, you know, I always thought that women were always emotionally available, and it's
not true either.
That was one of the misnomers I had.
But like our need for sex is our physical need and a huge core for us.
For them, it's emotional availability and connection, you know, and spiritual connection.
I mean, you guys, and so anything you can do to be cultivating.
Like one of the things that I've been doing for the last 10 years is getting ready for
my future bride, right?
And I was able to tell that to Jessica today.
She's like, so what work have you done?
I'm like, I've been working for 10 years
to like become the best husband for my future bride.
And it stunned her, right?
Like, and she, you know, and so,
and she's been doing a lot of work too.
So like, you get to be able to share that.
I got to do it and then get to be able to share it.
You know, one of the things she asked me,
she's like, so when was the last time that you saw porn?
Right, and so like, you could be working on that,
where it's a lot easier to say it was X time ago
versus it was today.
I had a problem versus I have a problem, right?
You know, I mean, it's like all these things are,
you have the opportunity to build now
that will pay dividends later.
And I know it's not the most glorious or fun thing,
but it's really huge.
Like, I have a, I've had a fund for my,
I call it my future family fund,
which is money for a wedding ring,
for a wedding should we want it,
and for just money to grow and to maybe like move
into places to buy whatever.
And I was able to, you know, and she's, you know,
I was able to share that.
You know, I could, like, if the Lord wants to,
I literally could fly to Virginia tomorrow and marry her
if we, I mean, like, if that was, I mean, I'm not going to,
I mean, that would be insane,
but just saying I have the capability and it's empowering.
And I don't say any of this to be like,
I just want you guys to win, right?
So, hey, Mr. Hunter, how are you doing?
Oh, I got, I was working too late last week.
Sorry, I glided a bearing about the wind.
Yeah, yeah, it's all right.
You're here today.
Well, I got a win and-
You got a win?
What's your win?
I'm in 15 and was never able to do this
for 15 and a half years.
I haven't seen porn in over two months,
in a little over two months,
little, almost, a little close to two months,
and I went 12 days in a row without self-gratifying
or masturbating.
There you go.
You're building, you're getting those neural pathways
to where you don't desire it anymore, right?
And great job, dude.
That's a win.
I just, I don't, it's 12 days in a row.
Now I'm going to try and go 14
and then the rest of this-
Hey, hey, hey, why don't you go, like, forever?
I mean, you know, you guys set the bar
where it's actually worthwhile, right?
Like, why are you setting the bar at the 14?
Set it at 4,000.
Set it at a million.
Like, set it at something where, like, just do it.
You've already did.
Don't let the enemy steal the 14, I mean, the 12 days.
Don't let them steal the two months.
Just continue it out.
You know, if you expect to not make it, you won't.
If you expect to make it, you have a chance, right?
Like, what, you know, I mean,
and the other thing is, is focusing on it
usually makes it worse
because it's something that you're thinking about
versus I'm going to transfer my desire.
You know, I see where I get hung up
and I'm going to fill it with something
that is better and more worthwhile
and that I don't want to turn to.
So, and something I can focus on
that's not going to take me down.
And so one of the other things that was interesting
that I, because I've been,
I was kind of talking to her about like,
what is she, like,
what are the ladies she's dealing with looking for?
What are, like, what are the, what is some,
and one of the things was, is people that,
they're like, you know,
the guys that are working on themselves, right?
And so you guys already qualify
because you're in this group.
You're doing the heart work.
So that was, you know,
so that's something that she was looking for, right?
Spiritual leader.
Now, she wanted to hear that I have this from six to seven,
you know, I'm like, hey,
my time with the Lord is all day long.
You know, I mean, I don't really,
I mean, I have a quiet time in the morning,
but like, and so,
but it's like, he's constantly speaking to me.
But, you know, like,
how are you doing with your spiritual,
leading yourself spiritually?
Because what she wants to know is,
hey, how are you going to lead me?
Can you lead yourself so you can lead me?
And I just shared, like,
these are things that I have literally
had a conversation about today
that I want when you guys get in your conversation,
you can say, I'm freaking crushing it, right?
And does that make sense to you guys?
I hope it's helpful.
It's good.
You know, I mean, we need to be reminded.
I need to be reminded, right?
When she's like, what was, you know,
like, when was the last time you used porn?
And I was like, oh, you know, it was like six months ago.
And I, it was on Instagram when I got smashed, right?
And so, like, so, yeah.
So, so anyways, like, we just.
It's just good to have a plan and to work it.
And even in the waiting to be building, right?
Can I add to that, Mike?
Yeah.
Go for it, dude.
Shoot.
All right.
Sorry.
It's really dark here.
I look scary, probably.
So yeah, I recently got out of the season of where I felt like the Lord just really
challenged me to lay aside the dating app, and I was talking to a girl that I really
enjoyed talking to.
I just felt like the Lord, even prior to connecting with her, just lock in on me.
He was inviting me to lock in on Him.
And so over the course of a couple months of doing that, He really has brought me to
He's done a really good work in me.
And I was just thinking the other day, in the pursuit of love, we're all looking for
love or a wife.
First of all, Proverbs 19, verse 14 says, house and wealth are from fathers, but a prudent
wife or a father-fashioned wife is from the Lord.
Proverbs 31, 10 says, an excellent wife, who can find?
I mean, you can't really find one without God's bringing her to you or help.
And anyhow, I was just saying the other day, and I just wanted to float this idea, but
I thought to myself, the 80-20 rule, and this isn't really using it in the same way, but
I was like, in my pursuit of a wife, what if I spent 80% of my time just like growing
in my relationship with the One who is love, and growing in my faith and trust and just
hearing His voice and walking with Him, and then 20% of my energy in the pursuit of love,
like actually looking for, connecting with and looking for and talking to and trying
to meet a woman.
And anyhow, I just, because like what Chris is dealing with right now, like the beautiful
thing about sowing and investing into the relationship with God is like it pays dividends
every time.
Like he who trusts in the Lord will not be put to shame, like you're not gonna be disappointed.
And I just love, like, because I've been relating to someone who is, not this girl I'm talking
about, but like my neighbor who I've mentioned before, like she definitely is an avoidant
for sure.
And the Lord has taught me so much through that about like how I've been avoidant towards
Him.
You know, like she'll like not take me seriously, like I'll spend a lot of time like doing something
for her.
And Chris, what you were saying was reminding me of like what I've been through with this
girl who lives nearby here, where like I know I spend way more time in the past over
the last two years, like I've known her, I spend way more time thinking about her than
she thought about me.
Like her name's in my journal many times.
And like I just sent her, just because I want closure with that relationship or that friendship,
I sent her like a 24 minute voice message the other day, because I'm like trying, I'm
in follow up for like a year ago when I asked her out and she never even like got back to
me on that.
Yet she wants to relate to me when, you know, on her time, when she's able to, when it's
convenient for her, when she's up for it.
And all I have to say is like, when we spend that same energy, focus on the Lord, like
we get something out of it every time, every time.
And we can chase these women around and spend a lot of our time doing that.
And you know, part of that is just is what it is.
Like we learn along the way and et cetera.
But I just want to encourage anyone, this might be encouraging to someone listening,
but like focusing on knowing the Lord in that relationship, like Jesus prayed in John 17
that we would be with Him where He is and that we would see His glory.
And you know, like taking Him up on that, like, or, you know, Revelation 320, you know,
I'm not, he's speaking to a church that he just called blind, naked and poor, but to
that same church, he's knocking on the door of their heart saying, I want to come in and
meet with you, and I want to encounter you.
And anyhow, like Jesus is pursuing us, how much have we been an avoidant to him?
And if we would like respond appropriately, like I produced that 24-minute message for
her.
Oh, I didn't finish that thought.
She only listened to five minutes of it so far.
She can't even take the time to listen to my voice message.
It doesn't take any effort.
And I sent that to her on Thursday, and I just saw her a little bit today, and she's
like, oh yeah, I didn't listen to it.
I'm like, you're the worst.
I said, you're the worst.
I mean, half-jokingly, she's like, I know.
But we have the Bible from God, and how much have we been avoidant of what he has produced
for us, what he has given to us?
We don't want to neglect this great salvation that he has provided for us.
So anyhow.
That's a really good point, Jesse.
Well, and it says, delight yourself in the Lord and heal the desires of your heart.
And that's really, honestly, he has brought me to that place.
Just focusing on him for the last two months exclusively, I am delighting him like I haven't
ever.
And the delight comes from the fact that I know more so now in my spirit like how much
he delights in me, and just enjoys me, and exalts over me.
And then that in turn causes me to just be more at peace and just feel closer to the
Lord.
And you know, like I feel like he wants to do more of that.
Like I'm contemplating like maybe locking in for a couple more months, you know, like
even to the end of the year, like it wouldn't be a waste.
Like it's guaranteed not to be a waste.
If you, you know, whatever you sow into that relationship, you're going to receive dividends
on.
It's not going to be a waste of time.
So anyhow, if anyone's stuck in a rut, that might be, you know, I would just encourage
you with that.
If there's someone who's pursuing you, you know, and maybe that's a way to get out of
any rut that you might be in or something.
That's super good.
And like, I stopped, stepped back from dating.
That was one of the reasons why I wasn't even thinking about asking her out, right?
And then all of a sudden, her friend's like tackling me for my number, right?
And I'm like, and so I was, and you guys, I immediately said, this is why it won't work
because I'm this.
And she's like this.
And I told her, I was like, you know, I didn't lead super well because I didn't figure, I
had, you know, I figured there was, there had to be something, you know, cause I'm like,
can you relocate people?
Most people who I talked to can't relocate.
She said, nope, yep, I can.
And I'm like, what?
Like, I figured that was the end, right?
And so then I was like, then this, then that, and she's like, no, we're good.
I'm like, are you okay?
Are you okay moving to San Jose?
She's like, yeah, absolutely.
I want to be a West Coast girl, right?
Like, so like, God can do some crazy things, but I just was, yeah, like you say, delighting
in him and just like, like, Lord, I'm going to delight in you.
You told me to get off the apps.
I'm going to be obedient on that.
I did say, I'm going to get off the apps, but if the Lord brings me somebody, I'm not
saying no.
Right?
Cause my friend's like, you need to get off the apps, but no, that's so good, Jesse.
And like, got to keep the, the one thing, the main thing, the main thing, the one thing,
the one thing, you know, you know, like, I forgot, it was Larry Randolph.
He's like, I just want Jesus, you know, you know, Jesus friends get to use the stuff and
they get what they need, but I just want to be with Jesus.
Right.
And so I just thought that was a profound way of looking at it.
Right.
So we've got like five minutes left.
Anybody else have something that they want to chat about?
They need to work through.
Oh, you guys, you want to, so, so sorry.
I just, I'm using a lot of the skills that I haven't used in a while, like on this new
relationship.
And one of the things is like, I asked her, I was like, can I take notes?
I was like, because like, I, well, we were on a FaceTime call.
So having a notepad is going to be visible.
Normally, if you're on a phone call, you can start a note conversation on your phone and
note things that are important to them, note things on their birthday, what their favorite
color is.
But like you guys, marriage is ultimately you getting a PhD in the person you're married
to.
You're getting a master's, right?
So, out the gate when you start to date,
it's also part of cherishing.
I don't know, you guys, I don't know that word,
like, you know, people use it very often anymore.
There's loving people, but there's cherishing them.
Doing little things that make them feel cherished
and vastly loved.
And if you don't have a PhD in them,
it's gonna be hard for you, right?
And so, her favorite color's pink, right?
You know, her first best friend's Gabby.
Gabby's the one that chased me down, right?
And so, and you guys, I write it down in my notes
because it's important and I wanna remember it, right?
You know, the date that you met, right?
Remember that, how you met, write your story.
That way, you can look back and read your love story
to your kids and stuff, so.
I don't know, just a couple thoughts.
But like, one of the things I was like, oh, yeah.
And she was stunned, she's like, what, what do you mean?
She's like, you wanna take notes on me?
I was like, well, yeah, you're right.
I mean, like, if we're gonna go for this,
you're really important and I don't wanna miss a thing
and I don't wanna forget a thing.
She's like, well, you could always ask again.
I was like, no, I wanna be able to have it
to where I don't have to ask again so I can do it
and I can cherish you well, right?
So just little things.
You guys can move mountains, right?
Ultimately, you're looking for somebody who you can cherish
but also somebody who cherishes you, right?
And so, because it's a two-way street.
And like, so, the hot babe who is like,
hey, I'm hot, so therefore, you just need to deal with it.
I don't have to give anything in this relationship.
You can do that, but man, that's brutal, right?
You're a partner.
It's like, hey, you know.
Because what we were talking about,
what was so exciting for me is like,
I was like, hey, my life's kind of intense, right?
I do deliverance ministry.
And she's like, yeah, we use this version of this and that.
And I'm like, what?
Like, she's already doing it, guys, right?
You know, and so I laid the cart.
I'm like, oh, I'm like,
because people kind of get weirded out
when deliverance isn't for everybody, right?
And so, but may the Lord bring you all,
oh, shoot, are we got, we got,
last minute or two, anybody got anything else?
I just wanna make sure everybody's covered.
Hey, Matthew.
From the beginning, you were talking about suddenly,
and I got a testimony.
Okay, cool.
So for those that don't know,
about six months after I joined last year's single,
I lost everything, literally everything.
I've been at my job, my church,
and I've been juggling for the last two years,
looking for a full-time job.
And suddenly I got an email
wanting to schedule an interview,
and I'm looking and I'm looking through all my files,
through CLAWD and through ChatGPT.
I never applied for this.
And they actually said, can we see your resume?
And the only contact, and I sent it over,
after we scheduled the interview,
they asked for my resume.
And I'm going, and I saw, when I looked up the company,
I saw that my administrator from my film school
tagged my name, and that was, I guess,
the only contact that they had on me.
So we did the interview,
and it's a short-term freelance job,
but the daily pay is equal to my weekly pay right now.
Holy cow, wow.
So I said, okay, well, who else do you need to talk to?
And when I'm closing it up, what's the hiring process?
They said, just schedule, write these dates down
that we need you for.
I said, so, and this was my only red flag.
I said, okay, well, let me go ahead and put in notice,
at least for an LOA for my other job.
And they said, well, we wanna make sure
that this job's gonna happen.
So I don't want you putting time away,
and then not being able to,
and then we don't have the job for you.
But everything went well, we really wanna work with you,
and give us a couple of weeks,
and the job will be from August 17th, September 25th,
and then we'll take it from there.
It's like working black commercials and production,
which I've been doing for eight years now.
But just the suddenly that this just happens
out of the blue, applying for hundreds of jobs
over the last few years,
and this one that I never applied for just comes up.
Yeah, dude, I got a date with an amazing woman.
I mean, I'm courting a woman who is stunning,
is a high value, high character,
everything I'm looking for.
And it was her best friend literally pulling me over
on the side of the road to do it.
It was a suddenly.
So, Matthew, can you do it?
Pray that blessing over the guys. I mean, I've already done it, but can you just make it be like
a double team and like pray for sudden leads for people? Are you familiar? Are you okay with that?
Yeah, sure. So I just want to lift everybody up on this call, everybody who's going to be
listening to and replay that God's going to bless you, that you're going to see things happen that
you weren't expecting, things that you've been waiting for, your breakthroughs, everybody that's
looking for things, whether it's your spirit mate right now or anything else in your life that
you've been praying for. May God bless you and keep you and hold you tight in Jesus name. Amen.
Beautiful, bro. Beautiful. Thank you. Hey, gentlemen, you're amazing. You're studs,
you're already doing it. Just take a little step this week in preparing yourself, would you?
Just one thing, like, you know what, I'm going to get, I'm going to do this and then you'll get to
be the man you are meant to be and supposed to be, and it can be for your spirit mate.
Love you all, dude. You guys are all awesome. I'm proud of you. Go with God. Have a good night.
You too. See you later.