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Welcome to another session of our heart check-ins.

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Interesting.

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We're so glad to have you here with us.

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Our team is juggling a couple of Zooms tonight.

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And so, so sorry for those of you

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that might've had trouble logging in, but we are here.

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We're ready to work on our heart work.

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And I'm so excited to be here with you tonight.

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My name is Bethany Cooper.

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I'm one of the Master Heart Work Coaches

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here in our community.

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And we have several amazing, yeah,

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it can be nerve wracking when I don't wanna make sure

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everybody's taken care of.

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We have several other amazing heart work coaches,

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dating coaches, of course, in addition to Jackie

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on our team.

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And so it's an honor to get to be on this part

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of the journey with you.

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And if you are new, brand new,

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you've never been on a live session with any of myself

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or any other coaches, would love for you all

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to let us know that in the chat.

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So that we can say hi to you and welcome.

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Y'all, I'll tell you, for those of you

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that have been here for a little while,

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you know, I was sick not that long ago.

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Like really bad.

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And I was so excited recently.

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Not that I was excited my husband got sick,

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but I was excited cause I was like, oh my gosh,

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I'm not getting sick.

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And I'm declaring that over myself still,

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but I will tell you that as soon as I,

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about an hour after I finished,

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maybe a half an hour after I finished

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the afternoon session today, I started feeling sick.

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So pray for me.

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We're gonna have a great session tonight,

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but we appreciate, the team appreciates your prayers.

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We have been under fierce warfare since this past weekend.

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If you did not hear Supernatural Saturday,

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one, check that out.

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That's one of my housekeeping items,

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but I'm mentioning that because Jackie kind of shared

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a little bit about the history of last year's single.

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She shared that my husband and I were just there in town

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for a couple of days working on some of the aspects

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of the future of last year's single.

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And all the things that need to happen to carry out

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the vision that God is giving Jackie, David, myself,

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the team, and we're so excited for the next phase

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of what is coming.

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But on the heels of that, literally my husband and I,

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we were supposed to fly out at noon on Saturday from Austin.

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Y'all, we went through five flight delays,

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five flight delays.

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It got to the point that, you know,

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when we had connection flights,

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it wasn't even direct flight.

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And so multiple times we had to push our connection flight

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back and then finally I was like, okay,

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we need to just cancel this flight

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and get a different flight.

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Like I'm at the point I'm worried we're not gonna get home

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and we, you know, lead a church.

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So we had to be back.

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It wasn't like we could even stay somewhere for the night.

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We had to get back to pastor our church.

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My husband was preaching Sunday.

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And I'm sharing all this with you all to say

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that your prayers are so important to us.

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If any of you all have been on our prayer sessions recently,

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you know, we've had to kind of redirect people

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back to the original plan for our prayer calls.

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And I just want you all to know

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as one of the Heartwork coaches

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that the tough thing is this,

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whether you run a business, a ministry,

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you're walking through life,

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you're trying to lead other people.

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Even back when I used to raise up leaders

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in not only this group,

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but I'm talking about a different group,

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a big church that's kind of worldwide known,

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super honored to be a part of what they were doing

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several years ago.

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But, you know, people tend to at different points

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in their life, get easily offended, okay?

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And hurt by things

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when you're just putting structure in place.

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And so I always wanna encourage you all,

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if you've been on any of those calls,

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especially recently, just so you know,

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this doesn't normally happen like this.

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If you have hurting any of that,

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and if you've never heard it, awesome.

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But we have a couple of ladies that have been disappointed,

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their feelings are hurt and they're taking it public, okay?

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So if you all ever have anything that you're upset about,

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or just like you wish, you know,

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like your feelings get hurt,

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whether it's with us as leaders in this movement

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or anyone in this movement,

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number one, the goal of the Bible,

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it talks about how you should handle those things.

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It says that you should go right to that person, okay?

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And so I wanna encourage you all to do that.

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We're here to help you.

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We're here to support you.

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We're here to help you heal.

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And so the last thing we want is for people to leave

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hurt and offended, okay?

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And so again, if you didn't hear any of that,

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praise the Lord, because you didn't feel any of that

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from other people.

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But if you did, I wanna encourage you and let you know

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that we are who we say we are.

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Things are amazing in this community.

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I have been here for over five years.

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We've come across some really broken people

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and we ourselves have made mistakes as well,

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but we're always gonna do our best to work it out

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and love you all.

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And hopefully everyone be at peace with one another.

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So on that note, you know, this was not in the.

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Notes for tonight. If you are struggling with other people, even in your local church

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or your family, where there's a lot of discord and disruption,

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I want you to know that the enemy right now is stirring up a lot of that. Not only in our

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community last year single, you all literally in our church, we came back from this trip

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and something like right before we left, something happened. And then literally right

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when we came back, we're like, we're hearing all these rumors of things. People think

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they think what they, they know what happened. Do you know what I'm saying? Like all this stuff,

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just like, okay, the enemy is really busy, but you know what? God is bigger than all of that.

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And so if that is you, if you have been feeling some of that in the spirit realm, just like

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all this stuff bubbling up and you don't even know where it came from. I just want you to know

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that's the enemy and God is on your side. And guess what? Jesus died so that we could win.

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And we do win. And so we win. I just want to speak that over you. You win in your love story.

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You win in your life that God wants to help you come out of hiding to come out of the places of

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brokenness. And, um, you know, Jackie talks about it in the heartwork book, that offense

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is an opportunity for an upgrade you all. Okay. I got offended yesterday at people in our church

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because of some of them and the way they're acting. It's hard. Life is hard sometimes,

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but what we do with that is key. So for me, what I've learned,

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and I don't do it perfectly, but what I've learned is to give that stuff to the Lord

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and let him use it to change me, take me higher, help me to see people differently.

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Maybe I need to put some new batteries boundaries in place, whatever that might look like. And so

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hope this is encouraging to you even right now. I know this was housekeeping, but this is just

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stuff that's kind of coming up in my spirit tonight as well. Um, and I just want you to know

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that God is fighting for you and he is, you know, Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the father

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interceding for you tonight as well. So on our best practices, here are a couple of them.

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We encourage you during the heartwork season that you are in to press pause on dating. Um,

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some people have asked about this recently and you all, this isn't because anyone is doing

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anything they shouldn't do. This is literally because it was in my notes. Again, it's that time

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again, to give this reminder. So I just want everyone to know that is literally why I'm

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mentioning it tonight. And so what that means is that we would say, Hey, don't pursue any

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relationships with guys. Does it mean you can talk to guys? Sure. But this afternoon, we had

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a great conversation with one of the ladies that, um, has been in the group for a little while.

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And originally she started developing a friendship, a genuine friendship with a guy.

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He told her on the front end, he has no desire to get married. He doesn't want a girlfriend. So

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she's like, okay, cool. I can get to know this guy during heartwork and it won't, it won't be

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anything because he just wants to be my friend and I'm okay with being a friend. And there's

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nothing necessarily wrong with that. But y'all, the discussion was, she's realizing now that if

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he's not available, she's feeling upset that she's getting emotionally connected to him more

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than what she realized. And there's a lot of other factors that went into that conversation, but I

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just want you all to know, it can be very easy to develop emotional like connection. And some

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people will even mention, um, you know, some relationships, you know, if you're married and

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your spouse is over talking all the time to this other woman and create an emotional connection

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there, well, that is a form of not being faithful with his own heart and marriage because the go-to

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person should be the spouse, not a friend that's a girl, another lady. Okay. And we won't get too

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far into that, but I just want you to know that those things do happen. And we understand what I

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loved was that she wasn't afraid to talk about it. We had another young lady in our group,

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kind of asked some questions about that this last week or two. And so I just want you guys to know,

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I'm going to be cheering you on. I'm going to be on your side. So where the other coaches,

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we're not going to judge you. We're definitely not going to shame you. We're going to do our

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best to coach you and redirect you. If we feel like it's something really unhealthy for you

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or encourage you to set boundaries until you're done with the heartwork, but definitely 100%,

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we are doing our best to walk with you and cheer you on and help you navigate those things really,

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really well. So if you meet someone while you're in heartwork, because sometimes it's the enemy

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bringing people up to distract you and to kind of throw you off track. Sometimes they are good

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guys. Okay. Here's the key. This is what you can say. And a healthy guy will receive this really

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well. Right now I'm in this really amazing heartwork healing journey that I need to be

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really committed to, but I've really enjoyed getting to know you when I'm finished with.

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the heart work, can I circle back around to connect with you?

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If they are a healthy man, you know what they're gonna they're

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gonna be like, whoa, that's awesome. Because healthy men

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want healthy women. If they're not a healthy man, they're gonna

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be like, what? No, just come be with me. Hang out with me. I

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don't want to wait. Yo, we don't have to worry that we're gonna

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lose our spirit mate. That's not true that like, if it is the

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Lord. And again, if they're a healthy man, healthy men want

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healthy women, and they will be willing to wait for you to

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finish the heart work and they will cheer you on in it. And

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they won't keep messaging you to try to be like, Hey, you know,

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I got to talk to you. I got to talk to you. I got no, they're

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gonna honor your boundary and they're gonna support you in it.

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All right. I won't get on that soapbox anymore. But I feel

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like that's really important as we're navigating this because

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the enemy again, he's trying to disrupt. He's trying to get

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people off track. He's trying to create disunity and division

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and discord. And he's also trying to make sure that you

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don't finish the heart work. So ladies, stay in the game. Stay

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focused because if you do, y'all won't be here forever. You'll

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just keep going right on through, you'll heal, you'll

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move forward and then you will learn how to practice healthy

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dating in the next phases. So the last thing I have for you is

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get out and do something fun this week, ladies. Okay, we've

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been doing the heart work, even if you just joined us and you've

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just started, go do something fun anyways, because this is

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practicing, you know, cleansing, allowing our bodies to heal and

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then getting out having fun, laughing, get your girlfriends

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together, go watch a funny movie. If you love, you know,

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going for a hike or exploring or whatever it is that you love to

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do, whatever makes you feel good on the inside. Those are the

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things that I want to encourage you to do. For some of you, you

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have put other people first your entire life. Even some of

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your friends, you might be in the middle of needing to take

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care of yourself and your friend who maybe has a lot of drama

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surrounding her will call you and she'll be like, Oh my gosh,

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all this stuff happened. She has all this drama. And before you

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know it, your rest time is gone. G-O-N-E, gone. Anyone ever done

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that? I've done it before. I still have to work at not doing

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that. The enemy will send these people to take something that

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we're trying to work on that peace that rest. Okay, so go

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have fun. Proverbs 1722 says a cheerful heart is good medicine.

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But it's crushed spirit dries up our bones. So we don't want our

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bones to dry up. We want to be, you know, have good laughter and

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good medicine in our bones and our body. So laugh, have fun. And

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let me pray. I haven't even prayed yet you all. It's already

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Father, thank you so much. Even right now that I can just be

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full of your presence and your joy God in the midst of all

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things you're working good. Yeah, on our behalf, you're

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leading us and guiding us every step of the way we ask for

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things that are in darkness to be revealed for healing God, let

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your light shine Jesus into the innermost places of our heart of

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our soul, reveal to us the things that we can't see the

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things that are causing us to get hung up. And Lord, even just

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like ourselves on some level, Lord, we thank you for Yeah,

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helping us to fall back in love with who you've created us to be

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with ourselves in the sense of not unhealthy selfishness, but

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Lord, just liking ourselves liking literally the image of

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who you've created us to be. And I thank you God that you'll help

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us to partner with you in the days ahead. Holy Spirit, have

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your way in us tonight. And Jesus name. Amen. Tonight we're

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talking about confession and repentance, y'all. Okay, so

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that's the topic. We don't always know why we do what we

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do. Okay. I want to encourage you all to be very grace filled

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towards yourself. Okay, if you have a bad day, and you get

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triggered, or something happens, and you're like, why did I just

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do that? You know, or even you struggle with some kind of sin

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cycle that you're trying to break, and you just haven't been

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able to break free again, I just want you to really just be able

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to look your practice, practice this, if you can't do it. And

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even if you can practice, practice, practice, look at

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yourself in the mirror and say, I forgive you. Bethany, I forgive

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you for not handling that well. I love and honor that area that

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got triggered in you. God, I thank you for healing that in

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Bethany right now. Like sometimes I literally like we

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have to stop and just talk to ourselves. David talked to his

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own spirit. Why are you downcast? Oh, my soul, hope in

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the Lord. So why do we often think we shouldn't or like we

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can just live without doing some of those things. We need to

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speak to our own spirit to our

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own inner self. Alright, so on that note, we don't always know the why behind the what, but God does.

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So in this community, in this process, on your whole journey, not just the heart work right now,

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this intensive, yes, but you're going to do heart work all throughout as you go, okay?

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We don't want you digging. The Lord knows the what, the why, sorry, behind the what. He knows

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why you're doing what you're doing. He knows the patterns. He knows the habits. He knows why your

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body is getting triggered, even when your mind and your heart is telling you that you're okay.

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So He knows what needs revealed at the right time. He knows when you, you know, kind of get to a

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certain place in your journey. He knows when to reveal something to you because, you know, this

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is the thing. The Father loves us all so much that He doesn't want to put stuff on us that we do not

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have the capacity to stand up under. Some of you right now, I love you, but I'm just gonna be honest

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with you. If God gave you a spirit mate right now, you may not be able to handle it. You may not have

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the capacity and the foundation yet. And so God will prepare you, heal you, prepare you so that

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when He sends it, you can stand up under the weight of it, right? Because it is a blessing,

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but marriage is also hard. There's a lot of stuff that goes into being a team. I was literally

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thinking, even before I hopped on here tonight, because of the things that are kind of going on

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in our church, what I see the enemy trying to do is create, and we're not fighting or anything,

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but like, I just feel it. The enemy's trying to cause this disruption, like, can I trust Brian?

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Can he trust me? And neither one of us struggle with trusting each other, but I can feel it in

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the atmosphere, if you will, in the spirit realm. And so when the enemy's busy, I know that good

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things are happening. They're about to happen. And so if that's you, again, hold on tight because

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good things are coming your way. So it's important to rely on the Holy Spirit in this process. You're

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going to ask the Lord really good questions. When something comes up, you're going to say,

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Lord, you're showing this thing to me, this memory, this situation, or Lord, I got triggered

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when this person said this, or I heard this, or Lord, I feel sad and down today, and I don't know

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why. Lord, can you reveal the root of that to me? Can you reveal what's triggered this response in

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me or this reaction? Lord, I don't know why I'm getting angry all of a sudden. What is it, Lord?

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Help me to see what I can't see. The Holy Spirit is our comforter. He's our counselor, our guide.

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He's that ever-present help in times of trouble, in times of joy and celebration. He is with us

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always. The Lord declares that He will, like literally God the Father, will never leave us.

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He will never forsake us. But so often we believe the lie that we are alone. So if we believe that,

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there's a root of abandonment somewhere most of the time. All right, we're going to keep going.

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Some examples of the why behind the what. I'm just going to name a few tonight. There's way

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more than this, but here are a couple to help you right now. A lot of the why behind the what

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is insecurity. A lot of people are struggling with insecurity. Insecurity leads us to pick

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unhealthy people, unhealthy friends, as well as romantic partners. It allows us to, or it leads

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us to allow people to treat us toxically and never set boundaries. Insecurity often can also lead us

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to, you know, take responsibility for things that were never meant to be, you know, our responsibility.

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Self-hatred. Remember the book talks in the HeartWork book talks about how hatred towards

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other people actually begins with hatred we have towards ourselves. I say this all the time, but

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it's so important. So many people are like, well, I don't hate myself. And that might be true. But I

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just want you all to be open to asking God, is there any area where I am hating myself, where I

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have dislike, like that ugh kind of feeling towards myself. And I'm going to talk about some of the

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ways this showed up in my life years ago. The enemy does not want you to like yourself. He actually

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wants you to loathe yourself and be down on yourself and start turning into that, you know, again,

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the dislike, the loathing, that all starts to grow and that can turn into hatred or self-hatred,

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excuse me, inward. And then that typically turns outward. All right. Overeating, gossiping. Do you

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struggle with gossip? Do you struggle with like people coming to you in confidence and then you

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just go tell someone else? Or talking about people for

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no reason but other than to talk about them. Negative self-talk and thought patterns,

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you know, where is your mind leading you? Where are your habits leading you?

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Sexual related struggles, sex before marriage, porn addictions, lust, you know, again,

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this is a safe place. I want to encourage you all, if you struggle with any of these things,

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I have a couple more to say. Please, please, I implore you, come into the group and talk about

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it. Because what you allow to remain in darkness will literally continue to have power over you.

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Okay? Nobody's going to judge you here, I promise. And if they do, I will lovingly talk to them,

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because we don't allow that here. In all the years I've worked in this company, I've never

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had any sister judge another sister. If they do it in their heart, I have no clue about that.

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But I know for a fact no one has ever said anything that has been judgment or shaming

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or condemning towards anyone in here. I've had women confess things to us that they've never

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told anyone. I just want you to know we're going to hold that space of honor for you,

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and it's really, really important that you understand that. Here's a couple more.

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Struggles with authority. Do you constantly struggle with rebellion?

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I was looking at something tonight because I feel like I'm a pretty easy person to get along with,

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but I noticed that two different people in my life, at different times, not at the same time

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or anything, mentioned that when they would mention something to me, that I would seem

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defensive. I'm like, man, I don't feel like I'm being defensive. So I've been thinking about this

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a lot the last few weeks and just kind of praying into it. I was looking into some stuff. I feel

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like I'm just trying to explain my heart or why I did something, but I don't feel like I'm being

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defensive. So what's the disconnect there? Because two different people, again, if it was just one

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person, then I don't know if I would have looked into it much. But when I have more than one person

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saying the same thing, and I'm not seeing the root of that or where that's coming from,

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man, I want to better understand that. I want to understand why that's what they're receiving.

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And it was interesting, you know, I wanted to share this because I feel like this might

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help some other people tonight. So basically the gap that I've been feeling, these were some

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notes I typed up. It's actually not about the intent in my heart. It's about what that person

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needs in the moment when they're talking to me about something. So basically my first response

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is to try to explain because my heart was not whatever it is they think. And so I struggle with

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a fear of people thinking bad of me or that I meant to do something or say something that

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was harmful to them. Or I don't know, sometimes it's even about work stuff, whether it's at the

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church or with OAS. And the gap literally is this. It's because I'm not pausing to just acknowledge

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their experience. I thought that was so interesting. So sometimes, ladies, I think

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that that can be true for a lot of us. It's okay if I know that wasn't really my heart in

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this situation, but the reality is the other person is having an experience. And so I just

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want to give that to you. Sometimes we don't have to, in that moment, clarify. And this will serve

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you well into marriage too. This is stuff we talk about in Simbis. That's why I wanted to research

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it for our couples as well. Because if it's something I'm getting hung up on, I imagine

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other people get hung up on this too, right? So God knows the why behind my what. God knows

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the why I feel like I have to explain myself. He knows where that came from. And I believe

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he wants to heal more of that in me or even that fear of people thinking bad of me.

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Because then that leads me into feeling like I have to be perfect and I can't ever make a mistake

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or people will think bad or misjudge me or whatever that gets me into. So again, I don't

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know if that's for someone tonight, but I want to give that to you. Here's another one. Angry inside

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or angry on the outside. Do you have road rage? Do you tend to get angry at your kids really quick

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or other people, even if it's someone in close proximity or someone that you only see on occasion?

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What's that look like and sound like in your life? Instead of us accepting these things

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in our lives just as like, Hey, this is just how I am. Like I could,

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I could totally be like, this is just how I am. It's their problem that they think I'm defensive.

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I could be like that, but that's not my heart, and I hope that's not your heart.

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Here's the other thing. This is just how my family is or has been.

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If you find yourself partnering with those kind of thoughts, I want to encourage you to allow the Lord,

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Father God, to transform you from the inside out, to shift your perspective of that thing.

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Because He's leading you here into the hard work to set you free in every area.

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Nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing broken.

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Yeah. You are a generational curse breaker, Debra. 100%.

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And that's part of why we're here, and I was literally just getting ready.

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It's so funny that you put that in right now. Timely.

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Because here's the thing. When we heal from the inside out, God uses us as kinsmen redeemers in our family.

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And it's not just for us, it's for the other people behind us, the other people that we're in community with.

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I want you to think about the areas that you feel or believe are too dark, or I'm too much, my story's too much.

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And then I want you to think about the truth that Jesus is the light of the world.

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And wherever there is darkness, light can't coexist. So if the light is there, the darkness can't exist.

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So if you invite Jesus into that place of your heart, your soul, your story, wouldn't it be true then that there is no darkness?

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It wouldn't be too much because Jesus is there. You're not too much. We are not too much.

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The enemy is trying to tell us that so that we'll retreat and leave.

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Literally, I cannot tell you how many times in the last two days since all this stuff has been happening,

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I have heard the enemy say, pull back from this person. Pull back. You can't trust them. You should just leave this church.

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Y'all, the enemy doesn't want us here. Why? Because we're about to bring some breakthrough.

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It's God bringing it, but he's using us. God wants to do something in this region of Florida.

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I am confident of that. Are you that confident in your spirit mate and that God has a spirit mate marriage,

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a kingdom family marriage for you? I hope you get there if you're not there yet.

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Because sometimes we've got to fight for this stuff. And it's not always easy.

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Sometimes we're worn down. I was so tired Sunday when we got the news of all these rumors and things flying around.

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I'm like worn out. And I just I literally cried yesterday because I'm like, man, I'm so sad.

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I'm sad that these people are saying this stuff for no reason. It's false accusations, you all.

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Sincerely, so that's hard stuff, right? But you know what?

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Who has our back is what's important. And God has our back. God has your back.

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He's going to continue to see you just like he's seeing us through. All right.

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I want to talk about the leper really quick in the Bible. Specifically, we're going to talk about Mark chapter one.

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But here's something I want you to think about. Lepers in the Bible were the outcast.

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They were the rejected ones alone because of their dis, their disease, their affliction, the things that some were bad about them.

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Now, these were literal things that they had on their body.

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Y'all would be scary. Any of you ever see somebody with stuff on them?

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And it's kind of freaky, right? Because you don't know what that thing is.

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I remember at one point years ago, I had some kind of virus, bacterial infection, whatever.

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I don't even remember what it was now, but it was some kind of virus. They couldn't figure out what it was.

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And so I couldn't take any medicine or anything for it.

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And after that virus was over, two weeks later, I started getting this.

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I don't even know. I wouldn't call it a rash. And it wasn't hives, but they were like these red spots all over my like torso.

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And then that started spreading into my arms. And you all, when I tell you that they were painful, I am not exaggerating.

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It wasn't melanoma. Basically, what ended up happening, and I forget what the name of it was.

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I literally should look it up because I've told the story like a couple of times in the last month.

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The doctors at first couldn't even figure it out. I went back to the doctor three times before they figured out.

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Basically, my body was attacking itself. But those things, I couldn't even take a shower, you all.

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Like I literally had to barely like I would fill the tub with like cool water.

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And I would just sit in there long enough to like quickly sponge bath because it was literally so painful on my skin.

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And I remember thinking, I know I'm not a leper, but man, I feel it.

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Like I can relate.

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Oh, I see what you're, yeah, Deborah.

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I feel like I can relate to what they must have felt like.

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Because literally when it started climbing up my neck,

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you all, I was wearing turtlenecks to work in the summer.

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So again, maybe some of you have had some stuff.

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Maybe yours is on the inside.

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Nobody can see it, but you feel it on the inside.

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So now here's what I want you to see.

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In Mark chapter one,

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I would encourage you guys to read Mark chapter one

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this week.

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I want you to know and pay attention

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to how Jesus responded to the leper.

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I want you to see that Jesus went towards him.

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He didn't go away from him.

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He didn't avoid him.

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He went towards him.

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And not only that,

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Jesus could have spoke a word from the distance

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and that man would have been healed.

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But what does Jesus do?

431
00:30:56.520 --> 00:30:57.600
He touches him.

432
00:30:59.320 --> 00:31:01.400
He touches the untouchable.

433
00:31:03.280 --> 00:31:07.040
So what was untouchable now became touchable.

434
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:09.120
Do you see that shift?

435
00:31:10.480 --> 00:31:13.320
Social barriers, you know, the outcasts,

436
00:31:13.320 --> 00:31:15.680
lepers could not come into the temple.

437
00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:17.120
They could not worship with people.

438
00:31:17.120 --> 00:31:19.360
They could not be together in community.

439
00:31:19.360 --> 00:31:22.760
A lot of times they were in caves and isolated and alone.

440
00:31:23.760 --> 00:31:27.760
And now all of a sudden divine love shatters all of that.

441
00:31:29.280 --> 00:31:34.280
And removes all of the physical social barriers like that.

442
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:35.840
It's done.

443
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:40.040
So God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit,

444
00:31:40.040 --> 00:31:44.040
they wanna shatter all of the barriers for you tonight too.

445
00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:46.880
And I know sometimes it's like,

446
00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:48.920
well, it doesn't feel that easy.

447
00:31:48.920 --> 00:31:51.240
Sometimes we have to go through, okay?

448
00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:53.920
Sometimes we're delivered divinely like in the moment

449
00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:57.080
and other times it's divinely as we go.

450
00:31:57.080 --> 00:32:00.160
So no matter which process that you have to walk through,

451
00:32:00.160 --> 00:32:02.840
I wanna encourage you to lay down all your shame,

452
00:32:02.840 --> 00:32:04.960
lay down all the guilt and condemnation,

453
00:32:04.960 --> 00:32:07.800
lay down anything that is holding you back.

454
00:32:07.800 --> 00:32:10.440
Because God is like, if you'll surrender this to me,

455
00:32:10.440 --> 00:32:12.760
if you'll give it to me completely,

456
00:32:14.520 --> 00:32:17.800
I am gonna do something amazing in it and through this.

457
00:32:17.800 --> 00:32:19.000
Repentance is coming.

458
00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:20.240
It's a bunch of different things,

459
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.080
but the thing we're gonna focus on tonight

460
00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:25.360
is coming out of agreement and alignment

461
00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:29.800
with lies, sinful and or harmful behaviors.

462
00:32:29.800 --> 00:32:31.520
And not only just in our minds,

463
00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:32.840
but we're having a change of mind,

464
00:32:32.840 --> 00:32:36.200
we're having a change of spirit and body.

465
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.400
So we're going in a different direction.

466
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:40.520
Our heart is going there too.

467
00:32:40.520 --> 00:32:41.360
Because sometimes y'all,

468
00:32:41.360 --> 00:32:42.960
we start walking in a different direction,

469
00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:46.240
but our heart is still back here, right?

470
00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:48.240
Sometimes that's how lust works.

471
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:50.760
We might get rid of it on our phones,

472
00:32:50.760 --> 00:32:54.160
but man, our heart is still lusting constantly after things.

473
00:32:55.040 --> 00:32:58.080
And God's trying to get a hold of our heart.

474
00:32:58.080 --> 00:33:00.080
So we don't want you in this community

475
00:33:00.080 --> 00:33:02.800
just to try to be on good behavior, okay?

476
00:33:02.800 --> 00:33:04.320
You're not here to impress me.

477
00:33:05.520 --> 00:33:06.520
You don't have to.

478
00:33:07.480 --> 00:33:11.960
I would rather know like truly, genuinely your struggle

479
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:14.640
and help you walk through that

480
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:16.760
and actually get freedom and breakthrough.

481
00:33:16.760 --> 00:33:21.360
Not just be good for a little bit short term period, right?

482
00:33:21.360 --> 00:33:23.040
And I'll tell you just from my experience,

483
00:33:23.040 --> 00:33:25.440
things I've walked through with people,

484
00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:27.840
the people that just try to behave good,

485
00:33:27.840 --> 00:33:29.240
y'all never ends well.

486
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:32.360
Because you can't do that long-term.

487
00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:34.760
The only thing that brings lasting change

488
00:33:34.760 --> 00:33:36.600
is internal heart change.

489
00:33:36.600 --> 00:33:39.400
Genuine healing that sets you free.

490
00:33:39.400 --> 00:33:40.440
Confession.

491
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:41.600
When we don't confess things,

492
00:33:41.600 --> 00:33:42.680
we remain tethered to them.

493
00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:45.640
We remain tied to those things, okay?

494
00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:49.440
Sin that we don't repent for or confess

495
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:50.640
can create blind spots.

496
00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:53.520
So it creates us to not be able to see certain things

497
00:33:53.520 --> 00:33:54.560
that we need to see.

498
00:33:54.560 --> 00:33:55.640
James 5.16 says,

499
00:33:55.640 --> 00:33:57.760
"'Therefore confess your sins to each other

500
00:33:57.760 --> 00:34:00.480
"'and pray for each other so that you might be healed.

501
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:03.840
"'The prayer of a righteous man avails much.'"

502
00:34:03.840 --> 00:34:05.560
I'm gonna share really quickly.

503
00:34:05.560 --> 00:34:08.880
When I went through the breakup,

504
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:12.320
after going through that with the girl's dad,

505
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:15.199
this one is kind of specifically where I'm focusing.

506
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:17.199
And when I talk about this,

507
00:34:17.199 --> 00:34:20.199
y'all that was a relationship I should have never stayed in.

508
00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:24.440
God was so kind and gracious to me through all that,

509
00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:26.880
but he definitely was calling me out of that

510
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:29.679
like almost right from the beginning.

511
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:32.400
And I stayed for six years.

512
00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:36.239
These are some of the things the Lord taught me

513
00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:38.920
through the heart work that I did

514
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:41.840
in areas where I needed to confess and repent.

515
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:43.719
And so that's what I'm gonna share with you.

516
00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:47.920
So I confessed and repented,

517
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:50.440
getting my words back mixed up there,

518
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:53.800
for trying to fill the God-shaped hole in my heart

519
00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:58.120
with things that were not good for me.

520
00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:00.640
Food to comfort me.

521
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.760
binge-watching too much TV to avoid my loneliness,

522
00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:06.140
my pain, my overwhelm, my disappointment,

523
00:35:07.160 --> 00:35:09.440
harmful thought patterns that were keeping me stuck.

524
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:10.280
Anyone else that,

525
00:35:10.280 --> 00:35:12.400
let me go back to the TV thing for a minute.

526
00:35:13.800 --> 00:35:17.880
Anyone else ever turn on the TV because you just,

527
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:19.480
when there's too much silence,

528
00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:21.560
your pain starts to surface and then you're like,

529
00:35:21.560 --> 00:35:25.580
no, no, shut, get down there.

530
00:35:25.580 --> 00:35:26.920
Turn on the TV.

531
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:28.280
Let me avoid this thing.

532
00:35:28.280 --> 00:35:30.960
And we're not even like necessarily saying that outrightly,

533
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:33.360
but that is literally how it feels.

534
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:37.840
Yes, we're like, no, ain't nobody got time for that.

535
00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:39.240
Sometimes that's how I felt yesterday.

536
00:35:39.240 --> 00:35:44.240
I'm like, man, I'm too tired right now.

537
00:35:44.240 --> 00:35:45.680
I'm just too tired.

538
00:35:45.680 --> 00:35:47.160
I mean, I was praying and talking about it

539
00:35:47.160 --> 00:35:48.280
with the Lord all through the night,

540
00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:52.840
but I did not have my revealing for healing cycle

541
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:53.680
out last night.

542
00:35:53.680 --> 00:35:56.840
I'm just being honest with y'all, okay?

543
00:35:56.840 --> 00:35:58.680
Now, today I've spent quite a bit of time

544
00:35:58.680 --> 00:36:01.320
kind of just pondering some of the things.

545
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:03.080
Lord, where do we need to set healthy boundaries

546
00:36:03.080 --> 00:36:04.520
with people that maybe they're not there?

547
00:36:04.520 --> 00:36:06.180
You know, all the things.

548
00:36:07.720 --> 00:36:09.880
And so there's a time and a place for it sometimes too.

549
00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:12.600
And sometimes in the moment, what you need,

550
00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:16.640
I think I talked about this a week or two ago, is rest.

551
00:36:16.640 --> 00:36:19.120
And that's what I needed yesterday.

552
00:36:19.120 --> 00:36:22.640
I needed just to lay there and veg a little bit.

553
00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:26.040
But if I continued to avoid that,

554
00:36:26.040 --> 00:36:28.800
then that's where it becomes a problem, right?

555
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:30.040
All right.

556
00:36:30.040 --> 00:36:31.760
Harmful thought patterns I repented for

557
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:32.760
that were keeping me stuck,

558
00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:34.680
not keeping boundaries in place

559
00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:36.320
regarding sex outside of marriage

560
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:40.200
for letting my values be lowered to be in a relationship.

561
00:36:40.200 --> 00:36:42.600
But it wasn't even a relationship, you all,

562
00:36:43.500 --> 00:36:45.000
because it was a situationship.

563
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:47.720
The more that I went against my values and my morals,

564
00:36:47.720 --> 00:36:50.180
the more self-hatred I had.

565
00:36:50.180 --> 00:36:55.180
I blew past red flags that the Lord was lovingly showing me

566
00:36:55.300 --> 00:36:58.300
all along in that, okay?

567
00:37:01.100 --> 00:37:06.100
So when we resist the Lord,

568
00:37:06.540 --> 00:37:07.660
man, we need to repent for that.

569
00:37:07.660 --> 00:37:09.340
We need to acknowledge it.

570
00:37:09.340 --> 00:37:11.540
And some of us, you know, that situation,

571
00:37:11.540 --> 00:37:14.620
I could have, like that guy did so many things, you all,

572
00:37:14.620 --> 00:37:16.260
that were just terrible.

573
00:37:16.260 --> 00:37:17.820
And I could have just sat in victim mode

574
00:37:17.820 --> 00:37:20.700
and blamed him for everything.

575
00:37:20.700 --> 00:37:21.940
And there was a lot that he did

576
00:37:21.940 --> 00:37:23.900
that was massively unhealthy.

577
00:37:25.180 --> 00:37:30.180
But I chose to stay and I have to own that.

578
00:37:31.860 --> 00:37:33.780
I have to look at what was going on in my heart

579
00:37:33.780 --> 00:37:35.380
that was leading me to do that.

580
00:37:36.940 --> 00:37:39.940
And I didn't value myself enough.

581
00:37:39.940 --> 00:37:42.340
And I had to be honest with myself about that.

582
00:37:42.340 --> 00:37:45.340
I actually believed that I was doing the right thing.

583
00:37:45.580 --> 00:37:47.020
I actually believed

584
00:37:47.020 --> 00:37:49.860
that I might not find a guy better than him.

585
00:37:49.860 --> 00:37:52.660
That was one of the lies I was believing.

586
00:37:52.660 --> 00:37:54.940
And that is part of why I stayed.

587
00:37:54.940 --> 00:37:56.260
I also stayed because the girls,

588
00:37:56.260 --> 00:37:58.820
I was so afraid of losing them.

589
00:37:58.820 --> 00:38:02.100
Because when I hadn't even filed for divorce yet,

590
00:38:02.100 --> 00:38:04.060
I had only separated from my ex.

591
00:38:04.060 --> 00:38:05.780
But as soon as I filed for divorce,

592
00:38:05.780 --> 00:38:09.020
he never let me see my stepson ever again after that.

593
00:38:09.020 --> 00:38:10.220
Literally.

594
00:38:10.220 --> 00:38:13.100
I had not seen my stepson since he was 10 years old,

595
00:38:13.100 --> 00:38:15.380
since the day that my ex drove away with him.

596
00:38:16.260 --> 00:38:18.020
Y'all, that was hard.

597
00:38:18.020 --> 00:38:18.980
It was really, really hard.

598
00:38:18.980 --> 00:38:20.700
And so when I met the girl's dad,

599
00:38:22.260 --> 00:38:23.860
I said my boundary was,

600
00:38:23.860 --> 00:38:26.860
I don't wanna meet your kids for six months.

601
00:38:26.860 --> 00:38:28.140
Within two weeks, y'all,

602
00:38:28.140 --> 00:38:30.300
he was sending me pictures of his kids.

603
00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:33.260
I should have known right then,

604
00:38:33.260 --> 00:38:36.060
this guy is not honoring my boundaries.

605
00:38:37.060 --> 00:38:39.740
But I got suckered in.

606
00:38:39.740 --> 00:38:42.620
The enemy was using this guy to do that,

607
00:38:43.140 --> 00:38:45.100
to pull me right into that.

608
00:38:45.100 --> 00:38:46.060
Because you know what he sent me?

609
00:38:46.060 --> 00:38:47.540
Not just pictures of his little girls.

610
00:38:47.540 --> 00:38:48.780
He sent me this little video

611
00:38:48.780 --> 00:38:50.620
and they were the cutest little things.

612
00:38:50.620 --> 00:38:52.180
I still have the video.

613
00:38:53.300 --> 00:38:55.780
And this is what they said in unison.

614
00:38:55.780 --> 00:38:58.020
We can't wait to meet you.

615
00:38:58.020 --> 00:38:59.740
The cutest little voices,

616
00:38:59.740 --> 00:39:01.980
like little heavenly angels.

617
00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:05.220
And I was a goner.

618
00:39:06.420 --> 00:39:08.460
Like literally, like right through my heart.

619
00:39:08.460 --> 00:39:11.940
Like, oh, I guess I'm okay

620
00:39:11.980 --> 00:39:13.540
if I meet your kids.

621
00:39:13.540 --> 00:39:15.340
That was literally what I said.

622
00:39:15.340 --> 00:39:17.140
Two and a half weeks in.

623
00:39:18.620 --> 00:39:21.780
Y'all, my boundary was at least six months of dating him.

624
00:39:23.060 --> 00:39:25.340
And I told him that.

625
00:39:25.340 --> 00:39:27.580
And then I let him violate my boundary

626
00:39:27.580 --> 00:39:29.180
and then I went along with it.

627
00:39:31.380 --> 00:39:34.860
And I regretted that for like the whole time I dated him

628
00:39:34.860 --> 00:39:37.900
because I love those girls and I'm so grateful for them.

629
00:39:37.900 --> 00:39:40.140
I could not imagine my life without them.

630
00:39:40.140 --> 00:39:42.620
But y'all, God worked that together for good.

631
00:39:42.620 --> 00:39:45.980
But man, like if I hadn't got in that,

632
00:39:45.980 --> 00:39:47.380
if I hadn't done that,

633
00:39:47.380 --> 00:39:49.860
I don't think I would have kept dating that guy.

634
00:39:51.500 --> 00:39:52.340
Okay?

635
00:39:52.340 --> 00:39:54.420
So, you know, hear me when I say

636
00:39:54.420 --> 00:39:57.940
we wanna help you not do those same things.

637
00:39:57.940 --> 00:39:58.780
Okay?

638
00:39:58.780 --> 00:40:00.740
We wanna help you avoid these kind of pitfalls.

639
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.800
But it begins with your heart work.

640
00:40:01.800 --> 00:40:10.520
I had to look at, again, why did I blow past my boundary to make a guy happy?

641
00:40:10.520 --> 00:40:13.400
To go along with that, okay?

642
00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:18.020
So look at those things, be willing to be honest with yourself and see what God wants

643
00:40:18.020 --> 00:40:19.020
to do with that.

644
00:40:19.020 --> 00:40:20.340
I'm going to put you in your breakouts tonight.

645
00:40:20.340 --> 00:40:23.340
The question is, I believe it's simple.

646
00:40:23.340 --> 00:40:28.440
Now some of y'all, it's hard, like we do confession and repentance and people at first are like

647
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:30.920
quiet.

648
00:40:30.920 --> 00:40:32.120
People don't want to talk.

649
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:37.120
I encourage you to, let's just be open with our sisters and just share.

650
00:40:37.120 --> 00:40:41.820
And if, you know, yeah, I'm just going to leave that there.

651
00:40:41.820 --> 00:40:44.040
So let's tonight be really good.

652
00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:50.040
Let's share with each other and I will get these breakout sessions ready.

653
00:40:50.040 --> 00:40:54.040
All right.

654
00:40:58.440 --> 00:41:08.200
Okay, I think, yeah, okay.

655
00:41:08.200 --> 00:41:12.960
And we'll do seven minutes and you all, if you have extra time, ask each other, where

656
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:14.440
are you from?

657
00:41:14.440 --> 00:41:15.760
What led you to the community?

658
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:18.200
You can talk about things you like to do.

659
00:41:18.200 --> 00:41:20.900
Maybe what's the fun thing you want to go do this week?

660
00:41:20.900 --> 00:41:25.360
Talk to each other and have some fun as well, but talk about the confession and repentance.

661
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:27.040
Like what do you need to confess tonight?

662
00:41:27.040 --> 00:41:28.040
That's the question.

663
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:29.040
Okay.

664
00:41:29.040 --> 00:41:30.040
Here you go.

665
00:41:30.040 --> 00:41:32.480
Go ahead and click to join those as quick as you can.

666
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:43.160
And then as soon as I see everybody situated, I will pray.

667
00:41:43.160 --> 00:41:47.480
You guys, I'm sorry if I have to take breaks more often tonight.

668
00:41:47.480 --> 00:41:50.720
I'm really feeling my throat is like raw.

669
00:41:51.720 --> 00:42:03.720
All right, I think I have everyone situated here.

670
00:42:03.720 --> 00:42:06.720
Father, thank you so much for this night.

671
00:42:06.720 --> 00:42:10.600
Lord, I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening.

672
00:42:10.600 --> 00:42:14.200
God, I thank you for everything you're doing in our lives.

673
00:42:14.200 --> 00:42:17.720
I was looking for my chap secure ladies.

674
00:42:18.720 --> 00:42:23.200
God, I pray for revealings for healing just to happen more like one on the heels of another

675
00:42:23.200 --> 00:42:25.720
on the heels of another on the heels of another Lord.

676
00:42:25.720 --> 00:42:30.720
I pray that you would just continue to help us to see what we can't see God.

677
00:42:30.720 --> 00:42:38.000
Yes, Lord, even things deep down in the recesses of our soul and the crevices, Lord, things

678
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:41.720
that we have long forgotten that we even did.

679
00:42:42.720 --> 00:42:47.720
Yeah, where we broke covenant with you, God, with ourselves, God.

680
00:42:47.720 --> 00:42:53.720
When we did harm to ourselves or even to another person, Lord, I pray that you would help us

681
00:42:53.720 --> 00:42:54.720
to forgive ourselves.

682
00:42:54.720 --> 00:43:00.720
But first to confess those in a safe community, a safe place that we would not be afraid or

683
00:43:00.720 --> 00:43:04.720
partner with fear because fear has to do with torment.

684
00:43:04.720 --> 00:43:09.720
So God, I thank you that your perfect love casts out all fear and that you'll help us

685
00:43:09.720 --> 00:43:14.720
to abide in your love, to abide in your presence, to abide in your stillness, Lord.

686
00:43:14.720 --> 00:43:19.720
Yeah, to abide in your acceptance.

687
00:43:19.720 --> 00:43:21.720
I thank you that you are.

688
00:43:21.720 --> 00:43:26.720
Yes, Lord, creating generational blessings in our lives as we turn to you, as we look

689
00:43:26.720 --> 00:43:28.720
to you.

690
00:43:28.720 --> 00:43:34.720
As we seek you for all that is needed, Lord, I thank you that you are enabling us.

691
00:43:34.720 --> 00:43:39.720
You're empowering us in a fresh way tonight to step into freedom a little bit more, that

692
00:43:39.720 --> 00:43:44.720
what we confess, what we release and surrender fully to you, God, that you will work in those

693
00:43:44.720 --> 00:43:49.720
areas, God, that you will redeem and restore all of the broken and fallen places in our

694
00:43:49.720 --> 00:43:51.720
lives.

695
00:43:51.720 --> 00:43:53.720
God, I thank you that.

696
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:59.720
Yes, Lord, just like we had the five delays in the plane, God, what we might feel is a

697
00:44:00.720 --> 00:44:01.720
setback.

698
00:44:01.720 --> 00:44:04.720
God is a setup for your presence, for your purpose.

699
00:44:04.720 --> 00:44:06.720
Delays are not denial, Lord.

700
00:44:06.720 --> 00:44:10.720
We thank you that you can help us to see everything through your perspective.

701
00:44:10.720 --> 00:44:13.720
Give us a fresh revelation of your truth, of your love.

702
00:44:13.720 --> 00:44:16.720
Give us an upgrade.

703
00:44:16.720 --> 00:44:19.720
Yes, Lord, we thank you for divine.

704
00:44:19.720 --> 00:44:24.720
I just keep hearing divine inspiration and revelation.

705
00:44:24.720 --> 00:44:26.720
I'm just sensing someone's in need of a job.

706
00:44:26.720 --> 00:44:30.720
So I'm just going to declare thank you, God, for abundance of jobs and opportunities.

707
00:44:30.720 --> 00:44:35.720
I thank you, God, for putting us on the minds of people we don't even know yet.

708
00:44:35.720 --> 00:44:39.720
God, I thank you for open doors, wide open doors in favor with God and man.

709
00:44:39.720 --> 00:44:40.720
I thank you, God.

710
00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:45.720
Yes, Lord, even where we've felt like it's been hard and like we just don't know if there's

711
00:44:45.720 --> 00:44:47.720
a way that this can change.

712
00:44:47.720 --> 00:44:49.720
Lord, I thank you that you're bringing change.

713
00:44:49.720 --> 00:44:50.720
You're bringing release.

714
00:44:50.720 --> 00:44:55.720
I speak grace and ease over this next season for anybody looking for a job or you're praying

715
00:44:55.720 --> 00:44:57.720
about a change in a career or something.

716
00:44:57.720 --> 00:44:59.720
Lord, so we just declare thank you.

717
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.760
when we come into alignment with that blessing and the abundance.

718
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:09.440
Yes, Lord. Just like the widow, you know, with the oil,

719
00:45:10.600 --> 00:45:14.600
he told him to keep going and get in jars and all the jars that she had would be

720
00:45:14.600 --> 00:45:18.080
filled. And, and, uh, you know, there was just an abundance of jars.

721
00:45:18.080 --> 00:45:21.400
And I've just believed that's a representation of, you know, Hey ladies,

722
00:45:21.400 --> 00:45:23.320
sometimes we've got to get our jars.

723
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:25.960
We've got to go get the things that can be filled.

724
00:45:25.960 --> 00:45:27.360
We've got to allow and create,

725
00:45:27.360 --> 00:45:31.520
like allow God to heal us and create the space on the inside of us again,

726
00:45:31.520 --> 00:45:35.120
so that we can receive as well. Um, and so Lord,

727
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:39.720
I just pray that you would show the ladies anything that they need to do in the

728
00:45:39.720 --> 00:45:42.800
days ahead that would enable them, uh,

729
00:45:42.840 --> 00:45:45.600
to be able to receive the full measure of your grace,

730
00:45:45.600 --> 00:45:50.360
the full measure of your love, your understanding. God,

731
00:45:50.360 --> 00:45:54.800
I thank you that you would give us eyes to see what your spirit sees and ears to

732
00:45:54.840 --> 00:45:59.280
hear what your spirit is saying. Yes, Lord.

733
00:45:59.280 --> 00:46:02.560
We are the head and not the tail. We are above only and not beneath.

734
00:46:02.560 --> 00:46:05.240
We are blessed when we go in, we're blessed when we go out,

735
00:46:05.240 --> 00:46:07.840
we're blessed when we lie down, we're blessed when we rise up. God,

736
00:46:08.240 --> 00:46:12.240
that is who we are. We, we have that identity in you. God,

737
00:46:12.240 --> 00:46:15.320
I thank you for healing in our bodies. Even for myself,

738
00:46:15.320 --> 00:46:18.240
I just come against every infirmity, ailment,

739
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:22.640
anything that is trying to hold our bodies back from moving forward. God,

740
00:46:22.640 --> 00:46:26.520
I thank you that you're healing us even from heaven tonight. God,

741
00:46:26.520 --> 00:46:29.760
that your divine oil is washing over us. God,

742
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:34.600
the internal sickness and disease God would be gone in Jesus name.

743
00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.960
We thank you Lord for continuing to reveal to us every broken and fallen place

744
00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:43.880
that you want to restore that where we feel weak. God, I thank you that you,

745
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:47.480
you lift up the weak and feeble knees in us. And I thank you God that you carry

746
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:51.840
us even when we cannot walk. So Lord, I thank you for breakthrough.

747
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:55.920
I thank you for healing. I thank you for release. Yes, Lord.

748
00:47:01.800 --> 00:47:06.720
Just as I said that I was getting that drink and I saw like a cage with a

749
00:47:06.720 --> 00:47:08.080
bird, like a bird in it.

750
00:47:08.440 --> 00:47:11.000
And the cage is being opened and the bird is flying out.

751
00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:15.480
And so I just declare release like release and freedom ever.

752
00:47:15.480 --> 00:47:19.680
All of you, those here live tonight, those that are going to watch this replay.

753
00:47:19.680 --> 00:47:23.080
Hello, all of you watching the replay. We love you. We're praying for you.

754
00:47:23.080 --> 00:47:26.240
We're believing for breakthrough for you as well. God is,

755
00:47:26.280 --> 00:47:31.240
is really so blessed by your intentionality

756
00:47:31.240 --> 00:47:32.120
in this journey.

757
00:47:32.120 --> 00:47:36.120
And he does not want you to partner with the fact that you are stuck here,

758
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:39.120
that you can't move forward. Some of you, even in the heartwork,

759
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:42.360
you're believing the lie that you're not healed enough to move forward.

760
00:47:42.360 --> 00:47:45.160
And God is saying, it's your time. It's your time.

761
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:47.680
So just keep taking that step and move forward.

762
00:47:47.680 --> 00:47:51.000
If there's something that you're stuck on in the heartwork, talk to us about it.

763
00:47:51.200 --> 00:47:52.600
Where are you stuck?

764
00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:56.040
Because where you're stuck is a signal that there needs to be more healing

765
00:47:56.040 --> 00:48:00.400
there, but not talking about it and kind of shutting down will keep you stuck.

766
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:05.360
Okay. So Lord, we just thank you for any areas where there's been

767
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:10.240
obstacles, there's been bondage. There's been this, this, uh,

768
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:14.320
fear of like, yeah, just fear of moving forward.

769
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:18.120
Fear of taking the next step. I thank you for release.

770
00:48:18.120 --> 00:48:23.080
I thank you for gates being opened, wide open gates, wide open gates.

771
00:48:23.480 --> 00:48:24.320
I thank you Lord,

772
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:28.840
that we will no longer doubt our ability to trust you as we

773
00:48:28.840 --> 00:48:33.080
go. Yeah. Lord, thank you that you provide for us.

774
00:48:33.320 --> 00:48:36.920
Just like you provided for Elijah under the tree. When he was tired,

775
00:48:36.920 --> 00:48:37.760
you brought him,

776
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:40.720
you used the Ravens to feed him to bring him everything that he needed.

777
00:48:40.720 --> 00:48:44.920
The brook was there. So Lord, I thank you that you provide for us.

778
00:48:46.040 --> 00:48:48.880
In every aspect of our lives and our journey, God,

779
00:48:48.880 --> 00:48:52.200
that you're not going to leave us without what we need. Sometimes Lord,

780
00:48:52.200 --> 00:48:54.680
in the physical realm, that can be tough when we're waiting.

781
00:48:54.680 --> 00:48:56.560
Sometimes we feel hungry and we're like, God,

782
00:48:57.280 --> 00:48:59.000
we need that food or we need something.

783
00:48:59.000 --> 00:49:01.800
And we're just not believing that he's going to provide that Lord.

784
00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:06.640
I thank you that you provide for every need that we have help us to trust you

785
00:49:06.680 --> 00:49:11.360
in the process and Jesus name. Can we all say,

786
00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:16.360
amen. Welcome back ladies. Hello. Hello.

787
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:20.520
I think everyone's back now. Welcome back. I'm excited. All right.

788
00:49:20.520 --> 00:49:23.800
So ladies, I don't even know if I told the women this afternoon.

789
00:49:23.800 --> 00:49:27.880
So your, your actual, actual activation. So remember go have fun.

790
00:49:27.880 --> 00:49:30.520
That's just a housekeeping. That's you practicing having fun,

791
00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:32.520
but here's your activations for this week.

792
00:49:33.120 --> 00:49:35.960
I want to encourage you to create a post in the last year,

793
00:49:35.960 --> 00:49:40.960
single app under the community tab this week about an area that you feel led to

794
00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:46.720
repent for something or confess something that you've been struggling with.

795
00:49:47.520 --> 00:49:51.920
Okay. Remember you don't have to tell all the gory details.

796
00:49:53.320 --> 00:49:57.240
Okay. It's just, Hey, this is what I've been. I need to repent for doing this.

797
00:49:57.480 --> 00:49:59.880
I need to confess that this is what I've been doing.

798
00:49:59.880 --> 00:50:00.880
This is what I've been doing.

799
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.480
been a struggle in my life, whether it's in, you know, the past or recent, if you feel led to say

800
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:11.600
something, y'all, you need to do it. Because remember, again, what we bring out of darkness

801
00:50:11.600 --> 00:50:18.640
into the light, life, light, all the things, it cannot hold us back anymore. Okay? So when you

802
00:50:18.640 --> 00:50:23.040
do that, trust me, we're going to be there. We're going to support you. And God wants to set you

803
00:50:23.040 --> 00:50:29.040
free in that area. So that is your main activation this week. Coming into the group and sharing what

804
00:50:29.040 --> 00:50:35.840
you need to repent for or confess. All right. So is there anyone that is willing to share with

805
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:41.760
the whole group what you shared in your breakout? And once we start with one and normally see other

806
00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:48.080
hands eventually go up, anyone want to share tonight? Joy, Joy can go ahead.

807
00:50:49.040 --> 00:50:59.760
I spoke a lot of myself. Yes. And I'm making progress. I mean, what do you tell me that

808
00:50:59.760 --> 00:51:06.880
about the balance and this and that? And even I did not post, but I, I, I think that's all right.

809
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:20.560
Yeah. Otherwise. So I want to confess that regarding the decoder, I, I confessed it with

810
00:51:20.560 --> 00:51:29.760
my sister in the breakout room. Yes. I wanted to do it. Somehow I still delayed.

811
00:51:30.160 --> 00:51:40.000
Um, and I, I mentioned about, uh, about a revival meeting at doing the, um, networking,

812
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:47.440
uh, advertising, making flyers and, uh, invite people and had a great success and, uh,

813
00:51:48.560 --> 00:51:56.320
celebrated Christian media and came to interview us. Um, so really a lot of people helped. Um,

814
00:51:56.320 --> 00:52:05.360
um, um, this one, Ariel, I need to confess is a balance of spiritual life with my, uh, real life

815
00:52:05.360 --> 00:52:14.480
on the earth. Um, I I'm, I'm a person like clean. I love cleanliness. Nobody can sit in my bed. I,

816
00:52:14.480 --> 00:52:20.640
I, I forbid, um, actually I'm a clean, but it's just only, I, I love to purchase things,

817
00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:28.720
beautiful stuff. And sometimes not a purchase one person, double some of the triple. So it's like

818
00:52:28.720 --> 00:52:37.200
try to satisfy myself. Like, uh, I don't know. I'm intense person period. If I lost something,

819
00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:45.760
something that, but I need a break that happened, you know, campaign. Um, but I love beautiful

820
00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:52.720
stuff. I have beautiful stuff at home and, um, clothing and calendars, scripture calendar. I

821
00:52:52.720 --> 00:52:58.240
have four or five of them and then different on the wars and this and that. So anyway,

822
00:52:58.240 --> 00:53:04.800
but anyway, I need to, to declutter. Um, I know that. And, um, I confessed it with

823
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:11.840
scissor in the back and I say, it doesn't matter my Simpson. I just need to, to walk out of faith.

824
00:53:12.800 --> 00:53:22.000
Doesn't regardless my brain fatigue, Fox numbness, whatever the energy level I have to walk up by

825
00:53:22.000 --> 00:53:31.520
face. No, I, I have energy. I don't want to take, I just have to stop one corner, two minutes. So

826
00:53:31.520 --> 00:53:36.880
I'm just saying that, you know, by confess with you and with all the people is help me.

827
00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:46.080
It's, it's, um, boost on my, my, my face and my energy, my brain, even right now I have,

828
00:53:46.080 --> 00:53:53.600
um, it makes me headache, but, and that's why I did not show on the camera. Okay. Yeah. So,

829
00:53:53.600 --> 00:53:59.360
but, but I know, I know, I know I'm a winner. It doesn't matter what I go through at the end.

830
00:53:59.360 --> 00:54:07.200
Um, I want to show glory to glory. So I know. Um, so I'm just, I have to confess that yes,

831
00:54:07.760 --> 00:54:16.320
I delay what God told me to do. I can see there. I did things that disobedient and rebellious.

832
00:54:17.200 --> 00:54:24.480
Um, I know I need to do it, but I postponed it for years and regardless of my physical condition.

833
00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:28.480
And sometimes I just have to lie in bed to rest my brain and

834
00:54:29.520 --> 00:54:37.440
that's not an excuse. I have to get over it a bit. And right now, um, I know. So I felt that

835
00:54:37.440 --> 00:54:44.960
sometimes I'll go to the conference meetings to worship and praise God. I felt the heaviness

836
00:54:44.960 --> 00:54:52.720
break off me. Um, my brain got a clear. So sometimes that's why, that's why sometimes

837
00:54:52.720 --> 00:54:59.760
still go to churches to, um, rather stay home. But today I have a, have a meeting.

838
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.160
I'm gonna jump in just to see if I understand what you were saying. Okay, so you were confessing

839
00:55:07.560 --> 00:55:11.080
About balancing between spiritual life and personal life

840
00:55:11.920 --> 00:55:17.420
Confessing delaying what God asked you to do and some hands there. Is that right? Yeah

841
00:55:18.280 --> 00:55:21.360
I think it doesn't matter. It's my physical

842
00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:26.800
Condition if God says something I need to do it, but I have a struggle

843
00:55:27.560 --> 00:55:29.560
because balance of

844
00:55:30.520 --> 00:55:36.680
My physical condition sometimes I go to conference. I feel like a breakthrough my brain toe my brain

845
00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:41.260
Mental state so I can help me to decoder. But anyway

846
00:55:42.200 --> 00:55:47.800
So what are we going to do right now? There's another conference coming up

847
00:55:49.200 --> 00:55:51.200
I'm a worship dancer and

848
00:55:51.680 --> 00:55:53.560
worshiper and

849
00:55:53.560 --> 00:55:55.080
Yeah

850
00:55:55.080 --> 00:55:58.560
Remember that the more that we pack our calendars ladies

851
00:55:59.120 --> 00:56:04.520
There will always I promise you there will always be something that needs your time

852
00:56:05.720 --> 00:56:10.200
There's always gonna be something that needs your time. Not that long ago. My husband went

853
00:56:10.880 --> 00:56:16.360
To a work conference and he he was okay that I didn't go but he did want me to go and I just said I

854
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:21.760
Can't I can't not go this time. I just I knew that I needed to stay home and

855
00:56:22.400 --> 00:56:26.920
Increase my capacity and rest and it was a very busy month for us

856
00:56:26.920 --> 00:56:28.040
and so

857
00:56:28.040 --> 00:56:33.680
You know if we're always doing something if we don't ever actually here's the thing ladies

858
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:36.360
Some of you all need to schedule your heart work time

859
00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:44.240
And make an actual appointment with yourself just like you put that that you know that conference or those

860
00:56:44.320 --> 00:56:51.520
You know other appointments on your calendar. Well, we don't tend to not show up to those do we but how often do we put?

861
00:56:51.520 --> 00:56:53.520
off our own heart work

862
00:56:53.880 --> 00:57:00.720
For various different reasons and you all know that we're actually saying every single time that we're not as important as that other thing

863
00:57:01.560 --> 00:57:03.560
That's what's happening. I

864
00:57:03.680 --> 00:57:08.720
Have had areas where I've struggled with this too, and I had to really admit to myself. I am literally saying

865
00:57:09.400 --> 00:57:16.400
That those people and that you know situation or that event is more important than the things that you know

866
00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:21.920
God is asking me personally to work on or spend time with him on and I had to really work on

867
00:57:22.360 --> 00:57:28.320
Keeping my boundaries because God wants us to have balance in every area of our lives ladies. Okay, and so joy

868
00:57:28.360 --> 00:57:31.400
Thank you for sharing. I know that you're growing a ton

869
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:38.480
Keep keep allowing yourself give yourself permission to make time for yourself on your calendar ladies

870
00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:44.800
Do you know if you if literally all of us myself included if we just carved out literally consecutively

871
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:47.800
30 minutes to an hour a day

872
00:57:48.640 --> 00:57:52.760
We would make progress on whatever it is that God is asking us to do

873
00:57:53.680 --> 00:58:01.440
Hmm. Yes, if that's heart work if it's cleaning our house if it's you know for me working on my book and

874
00:58:03.200 --> 00:58:09.760
Every time I feel like this is for some people every time I go to work on my book literally five other things come up

875
00:58:10.120 --> 00:58:12.120
y'all I'm not joking and

876
00:58:12.680 --> 00:58:13.720
And

877
00:58:13.720 --> 00:58:18.080
internally for some reason those other things feel more important and

878
00:58:18.600 --> 00:58:20.960
Then God keeps saying to me, but they're not

879
00:58:21.640 --> 00:58:23.640
Bethany they're not more important

880
00:58:24.680 --> 00:58:28.160
So it's us shifting on the inside and really

881
00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:34.600
Acknowledging that what the season that we're in what God is asking us to do. He led you here for heart work joy

882
00:58:34.960 --> 00:58:37.080
He doesn't want you to stay in heart work forever

883
00:58:37.080 --> 00:58:43.280
He wants you to get done with it so you can move your life forward and so I want to encourage you to make yourself

884
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:44.760
a priority

885
00:58:44.760 --> 00:58:49.840
Really get kind of focused in intentional on scheduling heart work time for yourself

886
00:58:49.840 --> 00:58:54.920
And I believe God will help you, you know, really be able to finish that and move forward

887
00:58:55.120 --> 00:58:58.320
But again, I appreciate you Sharon. I'm gonna go ahead and have Trina share now

888
00:58:58.920 --> 00:59:02.560
Trina, but thank you joy, you know would love to hear what you have to say

889
00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:08.960
So this one's a little embarrassing but um, right, I

890
00:59:09.800 --> 00:59:12.360
Have been back in the church for eight years

891
00:59:12.360 --> 00:59:17.040
I stepped away for 14 and I did, you know live a life just

892
00:59:17.680 --> 00:59:20.160
Complete opposite of what any Christian should do

893
00:59:21.160 --> 00:59:23.160
and I

894
00:59:23.680 --> 00:59:25.680
got genital herpes

895
00:59:27.200 --> 00:59:28.640
And

896
00:59:28.640 --> 00:59:30.640
you know, I've had a lot of

897
00:59:30.760 --> 00:59:33.960
Healing with that and dealing with that but

898
00:59:34.960 --> 00:59:38.520
unfortunately, you know whenever I get an outbreak it's like a

899
00:59:39.440 --> 00:59:41.440
visceral

900
00:59:41.440 --> 00:59:47.280
reminder of shame like it's even just like of like I mean throughout my whole body and it's just like, you know, a

901
00:59:48.160 --> 00:59:50.160
sting like quite literally and

902
00:59:51.200 --> 00:59:53.200
Every time it happens

903
00:59:54.040 --> 00:59:59.200
It's just a reminder and it's not like I can just like let it go

904
00:59:59.200 --> 01:00:01.400
Let it go

905
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.560
go and be like, oh, well, that's just, you know, so or maybe I can, but I'm just having

906
01:00:05.560 --> 01:00:12.880
trouble. I've always had trouble with it. And it's not even like, oh, people won't love

907
01:00:12.880 --> 01:00:16.800
me. I mean, occasionally I will have that thought. But I mean, like my ex was fine with

908
01:00:16.800 --> 01:00:25.680
it. People have been very accepting and gracious. But I think it's amazing. Like, I can't love

909
01:00:25.680 --> 01:00:28.000
me sometimes. So

910
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:35.440
yeah, and I think when you said that, um, what I saw was like a picture of like a

911
01:00:35.440 --> 01:00:40.080
blemish on yourself. Like, it's almost like that's how you're viewing yourself as broken

912
01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:46.360
as blemished. And so I would encourage you just to really kind of, you know, that

913
01:00:46.360 --> 01:00:49.560
scripture that comes to mind, and I'm sure you've heard it before. But you know, he

914
01:00:49.560 --> 01:00:54.440
takes our crimson red and he makes it white as snow. But like what you're saying is so

915
01:00:54.480 --> 01:01:00.520
true. Well, that's good until we have a physical situation that we continue to have

916
01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:07.040
to face because of a mistake, you know, we made in the past. And so I totally hear you.

917
01:01:07.040 --> 01:01:12.120
And there's actually a lot of people that have actually shared very similar to you and

918
01:01:12.120 --> 01:01:18.360
have been struggling with that on one level or another. And so, you know, really, I

919
01:01:18.360 --> 01:01:23.160
would I would do the the mirror activation, which I kind of alluded to that earlier, but

920
01:01:23.160 --> 01:01:30.120
you can take it further, you know, really stand in the mirror. And, um, you know, just

921
01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:37.000
ask yourself, this isn't even you talking to God, this is you talking to Trina. Trina, do

922
01:01:37.000 --> 01:01:45.480
you love yourself, even though, even though you have contracted genital herpes? Do you

923
01:01:45.600 --> 01:01:50.560
do I fully love myself and just see what kind of reaction starts to happen when you're

924
01:01:50.560 --> 01:01:55.120
looking at yourself right in the mirror, talking to yourself. Some people can do it

925
01:01:55.120 --> 01:01:59.440
really easy. Some people will not want to look in the mirror. Some people will not even

926
01:01:59.440 --> 01:02:03.560
want to go in the bathroom of the room to do this activation. And so if those kind of

927
01:02:03.560 --> 01:02:09.600
things start to happen, those are signals to again, there's that internal underneath

928
01:02:09.600 --> 01:02:16.560
self hatred or self loathing on some level. You know, really just kind of what comes to

929
01:02:16.560 --> 01:02:25.280
mind to is, um, what's the word I'm looking for? I'm basically kind of being at war against

930
01:02:25.280 --> 01:02:29.600
our body or ourselves because of a mistake we've made holding ourself hostage in some

931
01:02:29.600 --> 01:02:36.000
way. And so encourage you to do that activation and just see what comes up. And then come

932
01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:40.320
in the group and do a post about it and let us know. And then we can kind of help you

933
01:02:40.320 --> 01:02:45.800
process through that. Again, we have we have several coaches that have walked with this

934
01:02:45.800 --> 01:02:51.960
kind of stuff, um, with people, some people that will be able to relate to you, like,

935
01:02:51.960 --> 01:02:56.680
like they've been through the same thing. And so I think this will be a really good

936
01:02:56.680 --> 01:03:01.800
place for you to process that out. And let's just see what comes up as you do the mirror

937
01:03:01.800 --> 01:03:07.400
activation. And then just ask the Lord to also take you back to the time when you first

938
01:03:07.400 --> 01:03:13.080
found out that's coming up in my spirit too. So not just now, not the redeemed part of

939
01:03:13.080 --> 01:03:17.720
your soul and spirit where you have accepted yourself, you love yourself, but go back,

940
01:03:17.720 --> 01:03:23.960
Lord, take me back to the day I found out. Show me where Jesus was. And what does Jesus

941
01:03:23.960 --> 01:03:29.640
want to tell me about that? Well, see, that's the hard thing is that was one of the biggest

942
01:03:29.640 --> 01:03:36.040
shifts of my entire life. I lived in L.A. at the time. And I, uh, I that's when all

943
01:03:36.040 --> 01:03:43.160
my anxiety attacks started. And I just felt so much hatred for myself. And like my whole

944
01:03:43.160 --> 01:03:49.240
world just crumbled. I moved back home to Boston and, um, I tried to hide from everything.

945
01:03:49.240 --> 01:03:56.840
And I, I was just that that was a pivotal, pivotal time in my life. And I feel sad for

946
01:03:56.840 --> 01:04:03.080
that girl. But, um, so that's why God brought that up in my spirit, because it's not just

947
01:04:03.080 --> 01:04:09.560
feel sad for that girl. God wants to go back to that moment and help you hear something different.

948
01:04:12.440 --> 01:04:18.120
He wants to change what you heard, what you received, what you believed about yourself

949
01:04:19.560 --> 01:04:24.040
so that you don't just feel sad for that girl. You actually love that girl.

950
01:04:24.040 --> 01:04:31.400
Okay. Yeah. I appreciate that a lot. Yeah, you're welcome. I just want to sit with that

951
01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:39.400
for a minute. I feel that a lot for you, for other people on here. So many of us, you know,

952
01:04:42.280 --> 01:04:46.760
we feel pity for those people back in the day that the people that made those decisions,

953
01:04:46.760 --> 01:04:51.560
it's us, but we kind of separate, right? So there's a separate, you know,

954
01:04:51.720 --> 01:04:57.320
we kind of separate, right? So there's a separation in the soul realm of who we are.

955
01:04:57.320 --> 01:05:00.200
And the Lord is always trying to bring convergence. He's trying to bring

956
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.120
bring us back together into wholeness and not just feeling sad for that person, but like

957
01:05:07.680 --> 01:05:13.360
Jesus wants that revelation to come of what He's saying, what was He thinking,

958
01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:18.480
where was He at when we found out or when that thing happened or whatever,

959
01:05:20.160 --> 01:05:27.840
to the point that we receive love into that place for that person, because we are that person.

960
01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:34.960
Even if we've changed, that person is in there. And so if we don't love that person

961
01:05:34.960 --> 01:05:41.760
and honor that person, well, then that person back here is still holding us back up here.

962
01:05:45.600 --> 01:05:49.520
So Father, I just thank you right now for convergence in our spirit. I thank you,

963
01:05:50.400 --> 01:05:58.720
God, for redeeming our timelines. Yes, Lord. Yeah, we're on to something here.

964
01:06:01.760 --> 01:06:05.680
Lord, I just pray that you would go into the places and spaces where ladies have

965
01:06:05.680 --> 01:06:09.760
really just not liked who they were because they made a mistake at some point in their journey.

966
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:15.040
God, I pray that you would reveal to them, Jesus, you specifically, Jesus,

967
01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:20.400
help them to know where you were when they found that out, whenever they made that mistake or

968
01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:26.960
whatever the situation was, God. Jesus, reveal yourself in that moment. Where were you and what

969
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:32.160
do you want them to know about it? And then help them not to just recognize the mistakes that

970
01:06:32.160 --> 01:06:41.760
person made, but help them to love themselves in that moment. In Jesus' name. Trina, thank you for

971
01:06:41.760 --> 01:06:48.560
trusting us and sharing that with us is really important part of your journey. And I just feel

972
01:06:48.560 --> 01:06:51.680
honored and privileged that you would let us come alongside of you in that tonight.

973
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:53.520
Thanks for being here.

974
01:06:53.520 --> 01:06:58.320
Yeah, you're welcome. Took a lot of courage. That courage is in you and it's going to

975
01:06:58.320 --> 01:07:02.480
be an amazing catapult thing for you as you continue to move forward.

976
01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:10.720
Yeah, Kristen. Kristen said, I just keep hearing the Lord say, I'm, I think it says I am big enough.

977
01:07:11.760 --> 01:07:18.000
His love is so great to redeem us. That's absolutely right. Yep. Yep. Yep. Love it.

978
01:07:18.000 --> 01:07:22.000
Trina, thank you again. Roseanne, we'd love to hear what you have to say.

979
01:07:26.000 --> 01:07:26.500
Hello.

980
01:07:27.600 --> 01:07:28.100
Hi.

981
01:07:28.260 --> 01:07:39.300
Hello. Hi. So Joy and I were actually in a room together and I had actually shared in the

982
01:07:41.140 --> 01:07:49.940
in the community post area back when, at the middle, at the middle, you know,

983
01:07:49.940 --> 01:07:55.220
the tipping point of the year, because y'all encouraged, you and Jackie encouraged us to

984
01:07:56.180 --> 01:07:59.140
look, you know, find out, okay, what, what do you,

985
01:08:01.540 --> 01:08:07.620
Jackie has it really good. What do you not want to take into the rest of 2026?

986
01:08:08.580 --> 01:08:16.180
And then where do you see yourself a year from now? And, you know, I mean, as I've looked at

987
01:08:16.180 --> 01:08:22.500
that, it's like, okay, what things do I, can I, you know, work on or goals can I set to get myself

988
01:08:22.500 --> 01:08:28.100
to where I, there, you know, I see myself, I'm, you know, on a health journey. I've actually lost

989
01:08:28.100 --> 01:08:34.899
almost 40 pounds and still working on that. And I need to get, you know, exercise in my life.

990
01:08:35.939 --> 01:08:41.859
And so those are just some of the things I want in the future. But the thing I posted about in

991
01:08:41.859 --> 01:08:48.660
the community section that I don't want to carry is, and I shared this with Joy,

992
01:08:49.220 --> 01:08:58.500
um, kind of what, what she said is I, I have several places in my home that are just clutter

993
01:08:59.300 --> 01:09:05.220
in my room, the place where I sit in my living area around my chair, just piles of mail and

994
01:09:06.100 --> 01:09:14.020
books and, you know, another place where I sit and pay bills and just, you know, pile up receipts

995
01:09:14.020 --> 01:09:24.979
and everything. And I don't, I don't, I don't deal with it. And I am, I mean, this is an ongoing

996
01:09:24.979 --> 01:09:29.939
thing. And so, you know, over the last several years, I've tried to look at it and say, okay,

997
01:09:29.939 --> 01:09:36.979
what is the deal with you, Rosanne? And I'm really, I mean, you know, if you looked at it,

998
01:09:36.979 --> 01:09:44.979
at my stuff, you wouldn't really think this, but I'm really a, everything in its place,

999
01:09:44.979 --> 01:09:51.380
everything has a place and everything in its place kind of person. But part of the problem is, is

1000
01:09:51.380 --> 01:09:58.580
I've got too much stuff that I don't probably have places for everything. And I do, I do have

1001
01:09:58.580 --> 01:09:59.940
a housemate that she rents.

1002
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.220
the room for me and so you know some of my space is

1003
01:10:03.220 --> 01:10:08.480
used by someone else and so I have to accommodate for that but

1004
01:10:08.480 --> 01:10:13.200
you know sometimes when I'm thinking through why do I do this

1005
01:10:13.200 --> 01:10:16.400
I think well it's because

1006
01:10:16.400 --> 01:10:19.640
she's not an everything in its place kind of person.

1007
01:10:19.640 --> 01:10:23.400
If something's out of place, she'll just shove it in a drawer and it's out of sight,

1008
01:10:23.400 --> 01:10:24.080
out of mind.

1009
01:10:24.080 --> 01:10:27.640
I can't do that.

1010
01:10:27.880 --> 01:10:30.920
But also you know when I posted

1011
01:10:30.920 --> 01:10:35.640
in the community thing, I find it

1012
01:10:35.640 --> 01:10:39.920
easier to help other people

1013
01:10:39.920 --> 01:10:43.200
with their, like I mean in the course of

1014
01:10:43.200 --> 01:10:49.120
just within the last year whenever I still had mess all around me,

1015
01:10:49.120 --> 01:10:53.040
I had a friend that had you know just moved into a house and

1016
01:10:53.040 --> 01:10:56.080
she had a craft room and she was trying to get her

1017
01:10:56.080 --> 01:11:00.440
you know house set up and her craft room organized and I went over and helped her

1018
01:11:00.440 --> 01:11:03.600
you know get that room. I mean we didn't

1019
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:07.080
complete the task but I helped her

1020
01:11:07.080 --> 01:11:11.120
you know for several hours during the day and

1021
01:11:11.120 --> 01:11:14.520
I find it easier to

1022
01:11:14.520 --> 01:11:19.160
help somebody else rather than do the things I need to do for myself.

1023
01:11:19.160 --> 01:11:23.240
This is so good.

1024
01:11:23.360 --> 01:11:25.360
This is gonna be good.

1025
01:11:25.360 --> 01:11:28.560
Okay, here's my question for you.

1026
01:11:28.560 --> 01:11:31.760
Here's my question. So interesting this afternoon

1027
01:11:31.760 --> 01:11:35.360
one of the ladies was sharing and

1028
01:11:35.360 --> 01:11:38.920
I feel like there's a similar question that

1029
01:11:38.920 --> 01:11:43.520
like I asked her and yours is gonna be a little different but one of the things I

1030
01:11:43.520 --> 01:11:45.840
asked her is she basically was like

1031
01:11:45.840 --> 01:11:49.040
taking on stuff for her mom.

1032
01:11:49.040 --> 01:11:52.880
Her mom would, since she's been young, reaching out to her again. This is

1033
01:11:52.920 --> 01:11:55.920
totally different scenario but I'm gonna bring it back to why I'm bringing it up

1034
01:11:55.920 --> 01:11:56.480
right now.

1035
01:11:56.480 --> 01:12:01.520
Started when she was younger. Anytime mom would have issues with dad, mom would

1036
01:12:01.520 --> 01:12:03.120
tell her. She's the oldest kid.

1037
01:12:03.120 --> 01:12:06.160
She feels called.

1038
01:12:06.160 --> 01:12:09.320
She feels like the Lord is leading her to set boundaries with her mom

1039
01:12:09.320 --> 01:12:12.440
but she's afraid that she's gonna

1040
01:12:12.440 --> 01:12:16.280
number one, this is what she said, hurt my mom's feelings. Number two,

1041
01:12:16.280 --> 01:12:19.760
she's afraid to lose control like she won't know what's really going on with

1042
01:12:19.760 --> 01:12:20.480
her dad

1043
01:12:21.320 --> 01:12:23.840
and the reason I'm bringing it up is because I said to her

1044
01:12:23.840 --> 01:12:27.240
well is it hurting you?

1045
01:12:27.240 --> 01:12:31.200
I asked her is it hurting you

1046
01:12:31.200 --> 01:12:34.720
and she was kinda like well, like you told me that it was

1047
01:12:34.720 --> 01:12:39.560
essentially you told me it was hurting you. It started as a kid, you were the oldest

1048
01:12:39.560 --> 01:12:44.360
you had to hear stuff you didn't think was even good for you but yet

1049
01:12:44.360 --> 01:12:48.720
you're saying it's okay for you to be hurt but it's not okay for you to hurt

1050
01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:50.440
your mom even though you don't mean to?

1051
01:12:50.440 --> 01:12:54.400
Just by setting healthy boundaries? Do you see how we do this kind of stuff?

1052
01:12:54.400 --> 01:12:58.080
So when you were saying

1053
01:12:58.080 --> 01:13:01.360
you know you want to do it, the first question I wrote down is

1054
01:13:01.360 --> 01:13:07.720
why is it easier to help other people?

1055
01:13:07.720 --> 01:13:11.560
Like does it feel good

1056
01:13:11.560 --> 01:13:14.600
because you actually feel like you help them accomplish something?

1057
01:13:14.600 --> 01:13:18.680
Do you, and I don't mean this bad because we all deal with this on some

1058
01:13:18.680 --> 01:13:19.280
level.

1059
01:13:19.600 --> 01:13:24.200
I've dealt with it before. I used to really feel

1060
01:13:24.200 --> 01:13:27.240
like a need to feel needed

1061
01:13:27.240 --> 01:13:32.000
because I grew up helping everybody, taking care of everybody,

1062
01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:36.560
being the peacemaker and so when I'm not in those kinda places

1063
01:13:36.560 --> 01:13:40.680
y'all and here I am a heart work coach, I help people all the time

1064
01:13:40.680 --> 01:13:44.200
but you know what I tend to have the most fatigue from now?

1065
01:13:44.200 --> 01:13:48.560
Helping people all the time. So I have to kinda step away from helping people

1066
01:13:48.880 --> 01:13:52.040
take breaks, have rest, refill, recharge

1067
01:13:52.040 --> 01:13:57.280
and schedule time for myself which is what I was just talking to you guys about.

1068
01:13:57.280 --> 01:14:01.160
So why do you think for you, what is it

1069
01:14:01.160 --> 01:14:04.440
in you that leads you to want to help other people

1070
01:14:04.440 --> 01:14:08.800
and avoid whatever your stuff is?

1071
01:14:08.800 --> 01:14:13.760
Sometimes I think it is

1072
01:14:13.760 --> 01:14:17.240
it feels good to help somebody

1073
01:14:17.240 --> 01:14:21.040
and the need to be needed or however you said that

1074
01:14:21.040 --> 01:14:24.680
but then sometimes I think like

1075
01:14:24.680 --> 01:14:28.560
because I remember when I helped my friend with her craft room

1076
01:14:28.560 --> 01:14:31.880
thinking through like

1077
01:14:31.880 --> 01:14:35.600
why are you doing this and not dealing with your own

1078
01:14:35.600 --> 01:14:41.320
stuff and it was the

1079
01:14:41.320 --> 01:14:45.480
the overwhelm of not knowing

1080
01:14:45.760 --> 01:14:50.280
what I'm gonna do with something if I can't find a place for it.

1081
01:14:50.280 --> 01:14:53.520
This is so good

1082
01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:58.640
so let me ask you another question. Did your mom or dad or grandma

1083
01:14:58.640 --> 01:15:02.360
anyone that you grew up with

1084
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.640
grow up around also struggle with the same thing?

1085
01:15:02.360 --> 01:15:04.360
or that you grew up with

1086
01:15:04.360 --> 01:15:06.360
or that you grew up with

1087
01:15:04.640 --> 01:15:14.440
I don't recall that, but my mom, which I didn't, you know,

1088
01:15:06.360 --> 01:15:08.360
or that you grew up with

1089
01:15:08.360 --> 01:15:10.360
or that you grew up with

1090
01:15:10.360 --> 01:15:12.360
or that you grew up with

1091
01:15:12.360 --> 01:15:14.360
or that you grew up with

1092
01:15:14.440 --> 01:15:16.040
I used to, when people would say,

1093
01:15:16.040 --> 01:15:18.080
I thought everybody was like this about something,

1094
01:15:18.080 --> 01:15:20.240
I would think, well, that's just crazy.

1095
01:15:20.240 --> 01:15:24.000
But when I realized, not everybody

1096
01:15:24.000 --> 01:15:26.320
lived in a house like I did.

1097
01:15:26.320 --> 01:15:34.560
My mom, every single day, except for Sunday,

1098
01:15:34.560 --> 01:15:37.600
vacuumed all the floors, cleaned the bathrooms,

1099
01:15:37.600 --> 01:15:44.840
dusted all the furniture, everything, every single day.

1100
01:15:44.840 --> 01:15:47.040
And there were a lot of days, like in the summer,

1101
01:15:47.040 --> 01:15:49.760
that was our job.

1102
01:15:49.760 --> 01:15:53.120
I'm one of five kids, and four of us were girls.

1103
01:15:53.120 --> 01:15:57.840
And me and my sister, one would get in the back of the house,

1104
01:15:57.840 --> 01:15:59.440
one would get in front of the house,

1105
01:15:59.440 --> 01:16:01.200
and I would start in the bathrooms,

1106
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:02.280
and she would start in the kitchen,

1107
01:16:02.280 --> 01:16:04.320
and we would meet in the middle, and we would get it

1108
01:16:04.320 --> 01:16:05.720
done on the weekends.

1109
01:16:05.720 --> 01:16:09.480
And then sometimes, when we came home from school

1110
01:16:09.480 --> 01:16:13.880
during the school year, and my mom hadn't finished,

1111
01:16:13.880 --> 01:16:15.680
we would have to finish.

1112
01:16:15.680 --> 01:16:18.760
And there were a lot of things that I

1113
01:16:18.760 --> 01:16:22.400
didn't know about my mother that I found out later in life.

1114
01:16:22.400 --> 01:16:29.320
And I think part of her, she was, I don't know, it was.

1115
01:16:29.320 --> 01:16:31.000
Probably OCD a little bit?

1116
01:16:31.000 --> 01:16:33.120
Maybe OCD, but I think part of her

1117
01:16:33.120 --> 01:16:37.760
was earning affection, and attention, and approval.

1118
01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:42.360
She dealt, which again, I didn't learn until I was 32,

1119
01:16:42.360 --> 01:16:44.120
something that happened in her life,

1120
01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:49.120
and she lived under a lot of guilt and shame, I think.

1121
01:16:49.160 --> 01:16:53.120
And so, I mean, like, whenever she was sick with cancer,

1122
01:16:53.120 --> 01:16:55.520
her mother came and lived with us,

1123
01:16:55.520 --> 01:16:59.040
and I heard her ask her mom, why didn't you

1124
01:16:59.040 --> 01:17:01.200
ever tell me you loved me?

1125
01:17:01.200 --> 01:17:04.840
And so, I think that was part of what her deal was.

1126
01:17:04.840 --> 01:17:06.720
But that's the way I grew up.

1127
01:17:06.720 --> 01:17:08.360
You know, I grew up with the, and I

1128
01:17:08.360 --> 01:17:10.240
think that's part of it, too, is I grew up

1129
01:17:10.240 --> 01:17:13.920
in a home that was, in which I want my home to be

1130
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:15.560
clean, and neat, and tidy.

1131
01:17:15.560 --> 01:17:18.400
I don't want to be obsessive about it.

1132
01:17:18.400 --> 01:17:19.840
There's no way I work full time.

1133
01:17:19.840 --> 01:17:22.960
I can't clean my house every day like my mama did.

1134
01:17:22.960 --> 01:17:24.520
I'm like, that's not going to happen.

1135
01:17:24.520 --> 01:17:25.800
Times are different now, right?

1136
01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:28.080
OK, so I have one more question for you,

1137
01:17:28.080 --> 01:17:32.280
and it's OK if you can't recall tonight.

1138
01:17:32.280 --> 01:17:35.520
So specifically, this stood out twice to me,

1139
01:17:35.520 --> 01:17:37.360
as you've been talking tonight.

1140
01:17:37.360 --> 01:17:41.840
The overwhelm sets in when you are afraid

1141
01:17:41.840 --> 01:17:45.640
you will not be able to find a place for those things.

1142
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:47.560
You said that twice.

1143
01:17:47.600 --> 01:17:50.600
Did you ever get in, so we know now

1144
01:17:50.600 --> 01:17:54.240
that you had to clean a lot, which that's not necessarily

1145
01:17:54.240 --> 01:17:55.600
bad in and of itself, y'all.

1146
01:17:55.600 --> 01:17:58.040
We learn a lot of responsibility through doing those things,

1147
01:17:58.040 --> 01:17:58.320
right?

1148
01:17:58.320 --> 01:17:59.200
Right.

1149
01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:02.560
Did you ever get in trouble for not

1150
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:04.200
putting something in its place?

1151
01:18:08.920 --> 01:18:16.480
Not that I recall, but whenever, at the middle of the year,

1152
01:18:16.480 --> 01:18:22.160
whenever I was trying to look at it,

1153
01:18:22.160 --> 01:18:25.840
I remember you asking, OK, when's the first time

1154
01:18:25.840 --> 01:18:27.040
you remember this happening?

1155
01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:31.400
And so I pray, because I don't remember the first time

1156
01:18:31.400 --> 01:18:34.560
I let clutter move in.

1157
01:18:37.200 --> 01:18:41.200
But I prayed and asked the Lord, OK, Lord, where did this start?

1158
01:18:41.200 --> 01:18:44.240
What is the, was there a first time?

1159
01:18:44.840 --> 01:18:51.840
And I had this memory of a time when my mom was sick.

1160
01:18:51.840 --> 01:18:55.000
She was diagnosed with lung cancer.

1161
01:18:55.000 --> 01:18:59.360
And I had moved back home from the college I was going to.

1162
01:18:59.360 --> 01:19:02.480
And my purpose was to be available and help

1163
01:19:02.480 --> 01:19:04.400
in any way I could.

1164
01:19:04.400 --> 01:19:09.960
And there was a day that I was at home, and my mom was sick.

1165
01:19:09.960 --> 01:19:12.960
And I had decided the previous day

1166
01:19:12.960 --> 01:19:15.440
that I was going to stay in my room that morning

1167
01:19:15.440 --> 01:19:20.760
and focus on the Lord, do some Bible, be in the scripture,

1168
01:19:20.760 --> 01:19:23.960
reading, praying, journaling.

1169
01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:30.280
And my mom's best friend came over, our neighbor came over.

1170
01:19:30.280 --> 01:19:33.800
And I don't remember all of the details of that day,

1171
01:19:33.800 --> 01:19:37.640
but I think she came to my room, and there was something

1172
01:19:37.640 --> 01:19:39.120
that my mother needed.

1173
01:19:39.120 --> 01:19:42.920
And so I had to go out of my, I had to put everything up,

1174
01:19:43.880 --> 01:19:45.880
go out and help my mom.

1175
01:19:45.880 --> 01:19:48.080
And I didn't get back to that.

1176
01:19:48.080 --> 01:19:51.920
And that's the memory that I had when I asked the Lord

1177
01:19:51.920 --> 01:19:56.160
about, you know, the first time or, and at first,

1178
01:19:56.160 --> 01:19:59.880
and I initially, I didn't, I don't know if it was,

1179
01:19:59.880 --> 01:20:01.680
it's connected or not.

1180
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.160
not. And I asked the Lord's like, okay, Lord, I don't know if it's connected. And that was kind of

1181
01:20:04.160 --> 01:20:12.160
my question in the community post. If it was connected, but nobody responded to it. I just

1182
01:20:12.160 --> 01:20:18.400
think, sorry, we're still having so many problems with our notification system. Yeah. That's okay.

1183
01:20:19.520 --> 01:20:26.080
But I, when I prayed and asked the Lord about it, but it, it did come back to that, what

1184
01:20:26.080 --> 01:20:34.160
something, you know, came up with what you said earlier about, you know, Roseanne, you,

1185
01:20:34.800 --> 01:20:41.840
you are, you are worth having this time, you know, for yourself, you're, you're worth

1186
01:20:42.720 --> 01:20:48.560
your health, you're having a clean and organized or orderly environment.

1187
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:56.720
I love this. So I keep saying that, but it's just, I love where this is leading. I feel like

1188
01:20:56.720 --> 01:21:03.040
this is going to be really important for you. So here's a couple other things I wrote down,

1189
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:07.040
and then I'll, I'll probably need to get over to Deborah here just so I have time for her to share

1190
01:21:07.040 --> 01:21:13.200
too, but you're on the right track. I want to say that first and foremost, I feel like this is

1191
01:21:13.200 --> 01:21:20.800
important for you in your process. I want to also say for you and everyone else, ladies, it's okay.

1192
01:21:20.800 --> 01:21:25.920
If you don't remember all of it, I do feel like it is connected. I feel like that's why it came

1193
01:21:25.920 --> 01:21:30.720
up in your spirit. When you started asking the Lord about the clutter and the fact that it's

1194
01:21:30.720 --> 01:21:34.880
kind of, even though it's, you know, you were sharing about this other thing over here,

1195
01:21:35.760 --> 01:21:40.160
here's this common thread coming out tonight, right? Leading back to the clutter, leading back

1196
01:21:40.160 --> 01:21:47.360
to this place. When you were sharing about the college and that situation, I wrote down,

1197
01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:57.520
something feels incomplete, unfinished. So I don't know if you felt like someone took that time from

1198
01:21:57.520 --> 01:22:03.760
you where you couldn't go back and finish something you were working on, or if like when that disrupted

1199
01:22:03.760 --> 01:22:08.720
whatever flow you were in at that moment, if there were some lies that you heard about your worth,

1200
01:22:08.720 --> 01:22:16.560
your value, but ultimately it also goes back to this. Did you at some point, did you get in

1201
01:22:16.560 --> 01:22:22.000
trouble or did something say, someone say something to you because something was, Rosie, I don't want

1202
01:22:22.000 --> 01:22:26.800
you to see me just for a second, just because this is like, something's out of place. That's

1203
01:22:26.800 --> 01:22:30.960
where again, in my spirit, I feel like, I don't know if you felt like something was unfinished

1204
01:22:30.960 --> 01:22:36.880
or someone else said something was unfinished, not done, but I feel like there's something there to

1205
01:22:36.880 --> 01:22:41.920
that. Again, we'll just ask, you know, encourage you to ask God, really good questions. Trust him

1206
01:22:41.920 --> 01:22:46.560
in the timing. I was telling the ladies this afternoon, this, and I want to remind everybody

1207
01:22:46.560 --> 01:22:59.120
tonight to, excuse me, most of my childhood, I don't remember. I don't remember most of my

1208
01:22:59.120 --> 01:23:06.800
childhood, literally teenage years. I remember very sporadic stuff. And here's why I say this.

1209
01:23:08.720 --> 01:23:18.640
If God wants me to remember it, I will. And so even with that memory for now, until he reveals more

1210
01:23:18.640 --> 01:23:25.440
to that, trust him with that. Just keep asking him good questions. He might reveal the answer

1211
01:23:25.440 --> 01:23:30.880
in the other dots to connect things. Now you might reveal it in a month or in a couple months,

1212
01:23:31.600 --> 01:23:37.040
but you're on a really important journey. I really believe that for you because you are worth having

1213
01:23:37.040 --> 01:23:42.800
like the time and being the focus. And here's the one last thing I want to leave you with

1214
01:23:43.600 --> 01:23:47.760
because you grew up. And again, not that it was bad that you had to clean or that your mom cleaned

1215
01:23:47.760 --> 01:23:52.960
every single day, but that creates a lot of pressure. You know, I imagine like, again,

1216
01:23:52.960 --> 01:24:02.320
not that this happened, but I know you guys are going to chuckle at me. All right. So because I

1217
01:24:02.320 --> 01:24:05.120
work all the time, this isn't why you guys are going to chuckle. You're going to chuckle in a

1218
01:24:05.120 --> 01:24:09.280
second, but because I work all the time, once a month, I clean our house too. But once a month,

1219
01:24:09.280 --> 01:24:13.040
I have someone else come in and just kind of do a thorough cleaning in addition to what I do.

1220
01:24:14.000 --> 01:24:22.640
And after she comes, my husband, the one time she came, like literally walked across the wet floor

1221
01:24:22.640 --> 01:24:30.480
with his shoes. And so then there were tennis shoe marks on my brand new clean floor. And I'm like,

1222
01:24:30.480 --> 01:24:36.240
babe, you walked on the floor. I wasn't like yelling at him, but I was just like excitably

1223
01:24:36.240 --> 01:24:46.240
like. So anyways, ever since then, now he waits and ask, is the floor dry? And I'm using that

1224
01:24:46.240 --> 01:24:52.240
as a lighthearted example. But here's the thing I can kind of imagine. When they clean our house,

1225
01:24:52.240 --> 01:24:58.160
when they come in and help, it is the most clean probably like for that first couple of days.

1226
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.700
Like, I'm not gonna lay anything on the counter.

1227
01:25:01.700 --> 01:25:03.800
I'm not gonna, I'm gonna put everything in its place.

1228
01:25:03.800 --> 01:25:05.500
And y'all, I don't have a messy house or anything,

1229
01:25:05.500 --> 01:25:09.640
but sometimes, like we traveled twice in the last two weeks.

1230
01:25:09.640 --> 01:25:12.640
We had tons of like three different events at our church.

1231
01:25:12.640 --> 01:25:14.240
We launched a brand new service.

1232
01:25:14.240 --> 01:25:16.860
So I walked in multiple times and just like,

1233
01:25:16.860 --> 01:25:19.440
the one night set stuff down here in my room,

1234
01:25:19.440 --> 01:25:20.740
set my suitcases down in there.

1235
01:25:20.740 --> 01:25:21.960
And I started putting stuff away,

1236
01:25:21.960 --> 01:25:24.200
but like, it starts to feel like chaos.

1237
01:25:24.200 --> 01:25:26.960
Cause I just, there's all this stuff I didn't put away.

1238
01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:32.960
So what I'm getting at is I wonder if I was a very like,

1239
01:25:34.760 --> 01:25:36.340
where I kind of, and again,

1240
01:25:36.340 --> 01:25:37.940
I'm not saying your mom obsessed about it,

1241
01:25:37.940 --> 01:25:40.940
but I've never been around anybody

1242
01:25:40.940 --> 01:25:42.980
that cleaned literally every single day.

1243
01:25:44.060 --> 01:25:47.060
And as a kid, we run in sometimes and we plot,

1244
01:25:47.060 --> 01:25:50.100
like we put something down or we take our dirty shoes off

1245
01:25:50.100 --> 01:25:51.380
somewhere we're not supposed to.

1246
01:25:51.380 --> 01:25:56.100
Or, and again, I'm totally just planting seeds right now.

1247
01:25:56.120 --> 01:25:58.360
Cause none of this may have happened for you,

1248
01:25:59.360 --> 01:26:01.680
but people that are very kind of adamant

1249
01:26:01.680 --> 01:26:03.820
about how clean something has to be,

1250
01:26:04.760 --> 01:26:07.200
even if they don't mean to,

1251
01:26:07.200 --> 01:26:09.640
may say something to a child

1252
01:26:11.400 --> 01:26:13.260
where that child might feel scolded

1253
01:26:13.260 --> 01:26:15.260
or feel like they messed up really big

1254
01:26:15.260 --> 01:26:17.440
when they didn't really mess up that big at all.

1255
01:26:17.440 --> 01:26:19.240
Does that make sense?

1256
01:26:19.240 --> 01:26:22.320
And again, that may not happen or have happened at all.

1257
01:26:22.320 --> 01:26:25.720
But again, I just think like planting some seeds for you

1258
01:26:26.340 --> 01:26:27.940
to kind of talk to the Lord about,

1259
01:26:27.940 --> 01:26:32.720
because there's this level of in what you shared,

1260
01:26:34.020 --> 01:26:37.220
the overwhelm is when you're afraid

1261
01:26:37.220 --> 01:26:39.820
you won't have a place for the stuff

1262
01:26:39.820 --> 01:26:41.860
that is currently around you

1263
01:26:43.160 --> 01:26:47.380
that you actually want to get rid of or put away somewhere.

1264
01:26:48.780 --> 01:26:51.120
And then the other last thing,

1265
01:26:51.120 --> 01:26:52.500
I promise this is the last thing.

1266
01:26:52.500 --> 01:26:53.660
I just, there were other things

1267
01:26:53.660 --> 01:26:54.680
that were coming up in my mind.

1268
01:26:54.700 --> 01:26:57.380
I kept forgetting to write them down.

1269
01:26:57.380 --> 01:26:59.140
When we live like that,

1270
01:26:59.140 --> 01:27:02.300
sometimes we will do the opposite thing

1271
01:27:03.460 --> 01:27:06.060
as a form of like kind of rebelling

1272
01:27:06.060 --> 01:27:08.340
against that way we were raised.

1273
01:27:10.140 --> 01:27:13.140
So not that you're doing it intentionally,

1274
01:27:13.140 --> 01:27:15.700
because it does sound like you don't wanna have the clutter,

1275
01:27:15.700 --> 01:27:17.900
but there might be a subconscious part of you

1276
01:27:17.900 --> 01:27:20.880
that's like, yeah, it's my house.

1277
01:27:20.880 --> 01:27:23.500
So I can have clutter if I want to,

1278
01:27:23.500 --> 01:27:25.880
or I don't need to get to that right now.

1279
01:27:25.880 --> 01:27:28.680
And that might be your inner self trying to break out

1280
01:27:28.680 --> 01:27:33.680
of the feeling and the pressure of always having to clean.

1281
01:27:33.700 --> 01:27:36.240
So again, planting seeds,

1282
01:27:36.240 --> 01:27:37.960
we'll see where the Lord leads you with that,

1283
01:27:37.960 --> 01:27:38.880
but pray into that.

1284
01:27:38.880 --> 01:27:40.680
Let's see what he shows you.

1285
01:27:40.680 --> 01:27:43.820
And again, like I'm excited.

1286
01:27:43.820 --> 01:27:46.540
I think that this is like, you're on the precipice.

1287
01:27:46.540 --> 01:27:49.000
I said that word this afternoon too, to somebody,

1288
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:50.700
but I genuinely feel like that for you.

1289
01:27:50.700 --> 01:27:52.400
Like you're on the edge of the dots

1290
01:27:52.400 --> 01:27:54.940
being connected more for this, for you.

1291
01:27:54.940 --> 01:27:56.820
So let us know, okay?

1292
01:27:56.820 --> 01:27:57.660
Thank you.

1293
01:27:57.660 --> 01:27:58.820
You're welcome.

1294
01:27:58.820 --> 01:28:01.700
Debra, Debra will be our last person tonight,

1295
01:28:01.700 --> 01:28:03.180
ladies, just FYI.

1296
01:28:03.180 --> 01:28:04.020
Go ahead.

1297
01:28:04.860 --> 01:28:09.780
Okay, I have two things that I consider major.

1298
01:28:09.780 --> 01:28:13.660
Tonight is the first time that I've ever told anybody

1299
01:28:13.660 --> 01:28:16.060
and I shared it with the ladies in the breakout.

1300
01:28:17.140 --> 01:28:20.460
And they're both sexual things.

1301
01:28:20.480 --> 01:28:24.240
The first one, I have no idea who initiated it,

1302
01:28:24.240 --> 01:28:25.940
when it was initiated.

1303
01:28:27.520 --> 01:28:30.600
It had to be at least in grade school,

1304
01:28:30.600 --> 01:28:33.840
but I have a brother that's 18 months younger

1305
01:28:33.840 --> 01:28:37.160
that has always been catered to.

1306
01:28:38.020 --> 01:28:39.800
And I had to give him,

1307
01:28:39.800 --> 01:28:43.520
or I felt like I had to give him anything that he wanted.

1308
01:28:43.520 --> 01:28:46.600
It never got to the point of intercourse,

1309
01:28:46.660 --> 01:28:51.220
but I would have to go past his room to get to my room.

1310
01:28:51.220 --> 01:28:54.020
And he would grab me and pull me into his room

1311
01:28:54.020 --> 01:28:58.100
and just rub all over me and just do whatever he wanted to.

1312
01:28:58.100 --> 01:29:02.500
He was athletic, he was bigger than me and he was stronger.

1313
01:29:02.500 --> 01:29:07.220
And when we were in junior high school,

1314
01:29:07.220 --> 01:29:09.020
he figured out and he asked me,

1315
01:29:09.020 --> 01:29:12.160
can this get you pregnant?

1316
01:29:12.160 --> 01:29:14.340
And I didn't know, I knew so little about sex.

1317
01:29:14.360 --> 01:29:16.320
I didn't even know that a man had to get hard.

1318
01:29:16.320 --> 01:29:17.560
On my wedding night,

1319
01:29:17.560 --> 01:29:19.520
it wasn't even consummated until the next day

1320
01:29:19.520 --> 01:29:21.400
that's how little I knew about sex.

1321
01:29:22.520 --> 01:29:26.200
And so that's when he stopped doing those things to me.

1322
01:29:27.280 --> 01:29:30.920
And then in my second marriage,

1323
01:29:33.280 --> 01:29:35.320
I know that I had my part in it,

1324
01:29:35.320 --> 01:29:38.320
but I feel like my ex groomed me

1325
01:29:38.320 --> 01:29:42.360
into a situation where we were swingers.

1326
01:29:43.340 --> 01:29:46.740
And I knew that wasn't right,

1327
01:29:46.740 --> 01:29:51.340
but I felt like I had to do something to make him happy

1328
01:29:51.340 --> 01:29:54.580
in order to maintain a marriage.

1329
01:29:54.580 --> 01:29:57.340
And then finally I got my fill of it

1330
01:29:57.340 --> 01:29:59.380
and I started standing up for myself.

1331
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:08.760
And, you know, I so admired Trina's greatness, because it's a miracle that I didn't come

1332
01:30:08.760 --> 01:30:14.440
down with herpes or something else, or that I even am still alive.

1333
01:30:14.440 --> 01:30:21.960
I know that God has been with me, and many times since, I remember some things happened

1334
01:30:21.960 --> 01:30:27.920
to me in the first grade, but I know that the only reason I'm here is because of God.

1335
01:30:28.920 --> 01:30:33.440
One day, my ex told me that everything was my fault, and if I didn't believe it, I could

1336
01:30:33.440 --> 01:30:34.440
ask the doctor.

1337
01:30:34.440 --> 01:30:37.080
He didn't know I would pull his plug.

1338
01:30:37.080 --> 01:30:39.880
The doctor told me, first of all, he would never tell anybody that.

1339
01:30:39.880 --> 01:30:45.080
And then he pulled my ex's file out of his cabinet, opened it up, and he said that he

1340
01:30:45.080 --> 01:30:49.760
had something in his life that I knew absolutely nothing about that had absolutely nothing

1341
01:30:49.760 --> 01:30:50.760
to do with me.

1342
01:30:50.760 --> 01:30:52.560
He used to be a cop.

1343
01:30:52.560 --> 01:30:54.760
He worked border patrol.

1344
01:30:54.760 --> 01:30:56.680
He was a fire chief.

1345
01:30:56.680 --> 01:31:03.040
He carried a concealed handgun, and there's no telling what he was involved in.

1346
01:31:03.040 --> 01:31:10.520
But I don't know how much of it was me, or if I initiated anything.

1347
01:31:10.520 --> 01:31:14.640
Well, with your brother, is that what you're talking about with your brother?

1348
01:31:14.640 --> 01:31:15.800
Is that what you're talking about?

1349
01:31:15.800 --> 01:31:17.200
Let me ask you a question.

1350
01:31:17.200 --> 01:31:18.480
I think it's really important.

1351
01:31:18.480 --> 01:31:20.960
You said your brother was 18 months younger than you.

1352
01:31:20.960 --> 01:31:24.440
How old were you?

1353
01:31:25.200 --> 01:31:26.200
I don't know.

1354
01:31:26.200 --> 01:31:28.880
I think it must have started in grade school.

1355
01:31:28.880 --> 01:31:29.880
Okay.

1356
01:31:29.880 --> 01:31:34.160
So it's really important for you and everybody else to understand.

1357
01:31:34.160 --> 01:31:39.760
There's something about being under the age of accountability, okay?

1358
01:31:39.760 --> 01:31:42.320
It's really, really important.

1359
01:31:42.320 --> 01:31:46.440
Kids do not have the capacity to understand sexual things.

1360
01:31:46.440 --> 01:31:48.880
They don't.

1361
01:31:48.880 --> 01:31:55.760
So it sounds like something probably happened even before this stuff took place with your

1362
01:31:55.760 --> 01:31:59.160
brother, okay?

1363
01:31:59.160 --> 01:32:03.800
There had to have been some kind of exposure in the family, whether your brother or outside

1364
01:32:03.800 --> 01:32:10.520
of the family, something that your brother was exposed to that led him to kind of pursue

1365
01:32:10.520 --> 01:32:16.000
you in that way, or for you to feel like you couldn't tell him no.

1366
01:32:16.000 --> 01:32:20.440
And so I'm not saying for sure that something else did happen.

1367
01:32:20.440 --> 01:32:24.280
I'm just saying I would encourage you to pray into it.

1368
01:32:24.280 --> 01:32:28.680
And here's the other thing I think is really important for you to understand.

1369
01:32:28.680 --> 01:32:37.640
No matter if your brother was younger than you or not, like you're a kid, nothing that

1370
01:32:37.640 --> 01:32:41.800
you did caused that to happen, okay?

1371
01:32:47.000 --> 01:32:52.520
I really need that to sink in, Debra.

1372
01:32:52.520 --> 01:32:57.960
You were not, look, and I'm not saying kids can't do sexual things and be lustful, but

1373
01:32:57.960 --> 01:33:05.000
the reality is, is kids do not understand sexual things.

1374
01:33:05.000 --> 01:33:07.640
They don't know.

1375
01:33:07.640 --> 01:33:08.640
What's that?

1376
01:33:08.640 --> 01:33:10.480
Even at the junior high school age?

1377
01:33:10.480 --> 01:33:15.440
Yeah, I mean, I think as you get older and you start learning those things, yes, in your

1378
01:33:15.440 --> 01:33:20.880
body, but as a little kid, even when your body has a physical response, you don't even

1379
01:33:20.880 --> 01:33:23.120
know why that's happening.

1380
01:33:23.120 --> 01:33:29.120
It's very confusing to your body, to your spirit, to your soul, to your mind.

1381
01:33:29.120 --> 01:33:30.960
It does a lot of things in your psyche.

1382
01:33:30.960 --> 01:33:36.200
And so I'm not saying that we never understand.

1383
01:33:36.200 --> 01:33:39.840
I think that there does come a time where that age of accountability starts to kick

1384
01:33:39.840 --> 01:33:43.440
in because we start to learn what's right or wrong.

1385
01:33:43.440 --> 01:33:46.440
We start to learn in school what sex is.

1386
01:33:46.440 --> 01:33:50.480
Maybe if our parents haven't talked to us about it, we learn in school or from a friend

1387
01:33:50.480 --> 01:33:51.880
or whatever.

1388
01:33:51.880 --> 01:33:56.080
And then when we start to have that awareness and then we continue to do something, well,

1389
01:33:56.080 --> 01:34:00.200
then that might be something we have to repent for at some point.

1390
01:34:00.200 --> 01:34:06.680
But you know, just like now, okay, I just heard when I was in Austin, they just, someone

1391
01:34:06.680 --> 01:34:16.360
just said that in California, doctors do not have to tell the parents the kid's medical

1392
01:34:16.360 --> 01:34:22.920
information now at 12 years old.

1393
01:34:22.920 --> 01:34:24.800
Think about this.

1394
01:34:24.800 --> 01:34:32.760
If a child wants to make a medical decision for themselves now at 12 years old in California,

1395
01:34:32.760 --> 01:34:38.680
they can without their parents' permission.

1396
01:34:38.680 --> 01:34:40.720
Why am I saying that?

1397
01:34:40.720 --> 01:34:51.440
The enemy is trying to basically make kids accountable for things way younger that they

1398
01:34:51.440 --> 01:34:54.040
don't even know how to comprehend.

1399
01:34:54.040 --> 01:34:59.120
This mother that was being interviewed, she's like, my son doesn't even know what that medical

1400
01:34:59.120 --> 01:35:00.000
thing is.

1401
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.200
He doesn't even understand what you're telling him.

1402
01:35:03.200 --> 01:35:07.800
And so what I'm saying is that there, yes, I think there's a

1403
01:35:07.800 --> 01:35:13.100
certain level of comprehension, maybe at 12 or even 13, depending

1404
01:35:13.100 --> 01:35:14.200
on what we're exposed to.

1405
01:35:14.200 --> 01:35:18.500
But again, just because we're exposed to something, just because

1406
01:35:18.500 --> 01:35:22.900
someone tells us what sex is, doesn't mean we understand the

1407
01:35:22.900 --> 01:35:24.100
depth of what it is.

1408
01:35:25.900 --> 01:35:26.900
Do you understand what I'm saying?

1409
01:35:26.900 --> 01:35:33.100
I feel like you're holding yourself responsible for something

1410
01:35:33.100 --> 01:35:37.200
that I feel like God just wants you to open the gate and set

1411
01:35:37.200 --> 01:35:38.100
yourself free from.

1412
01:35:39.100 --> 01:35:44.500
And yeah, Claudia, I just saw your note.

1413
01:35:44.500 --> 01:35:49.500
And again, pray into this, but I just don't think that number

1414
01:35:49.500 --> 01:35:52.000
one, you're not responsible for what your brother did.

1415
01:35:52.000 --> 01:35:55.400
It doesn't matter what his age was or wasn't.

1416
01:35:55.700 --> 01:35:58.800
It sounds like he's pulling you into his room.

1417
01:35:58.800 --> 01:36:00.100
He's rubbing all over you.

1418
01:36:00.100 --> 01:36:03.200
He's having conversations with you like, hey, can I get you

1419
01:36:03.200 --> 01:36:04.200
pregnant by doing this?

1420
01:36:04.200 --> 01:36:08.800
It sounds like he had more understanding of it than you did,

1421
01:36:08.800 --> 01:36:10.400
even though you were older than him.

1422
01:36:10.400 --> 01:36:15.000
And it doesn't mean that, you know, like some of us, like I've

1423
01:36:15.000 --> 01:36:18.000
said even recently to someone, I think I'm just like naive or

1424
01:36:18.000 --> 01:36:18.400
something.

1425
01:36:18.400 --> 01:36:23.300
Like, I don't understand how, like when I met, when I was on

1426
01:36:23.300 --> 01:36:30.900
the dating app, I didn't know that people like, I don't remember

1427
01:36:30.900 --> 01:36:31.500
the term for it.

1428
01:36:31.500 --> 01:36:34.400
And when I say this, I don't want this to be linked to what

1429
01:36:34.400 --> 01:36:34.800
you shared.

1430
01:36:34.800 --> 01:36:37.900
But there was a couple that was trying to seek me to be in

1431
01:36:37.900 --> 01:36:38.700
relationship with them.

1432
01:36:38.700 --> 01:36:40.000
Okay.

1433
01:36:40.000 --> 01:36:42.700
I literally didn't even know people did that.

1434
01:36:42.700 --> 01:36:47.000
I had heard of swingers before, but I hadn't heard of like that

1435
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:49.200
people literally wanted you to actually be in a relationship

1436
01:36:49.200 --> 01:36:51.500
like two women and one guy.

1437
01:36:52.200 --> 01:36:52.700
Okay.

1438
01:36:52.700 --> 01:36:57.500
And so I remember just kind of feeling like, oh, I didn't even

1439
01:36:57.500 --> 01:36:59.000
know like this thing existed.

1440
01:36:59.000 --> 01:36:59.900
I didn't know how to navigate.

1441
01:36:59.900 --> 01:37:02.500
I mean, I didn't continue talking to them or anything like that.

1442
01:37:02.500 --> 01:37:05.000
But like, I didn't know how to navigate that.

1443
01:37:05.000 --> 01:37:11.300
And so in situations like even this, the situation when your

1444
01:37:11.300 --> 01:37:17.100
ex groomed you and led you kind of really kind of dominated and

1445
01:37:17.100 --> 01:37:21.900
Controlled you into that situation and using the covenant of

1446
01:37:21.900 --> 01:37:26.900
marriage, keeping him happy as what was kind of leading you

1447
01:37:26.900 --> 01:37:32.600
into that, you know, there's even a level there of like, I'm

1448
01:37:32.600 --> 01:37:37.300
not saying we're not responsible, but I just feel like there's

1449
01:37:37.300 --> 01:37:40.600
a lot of grace Deborah because you know, if we're exposed to

1450
01:37:40.600 --> 01:37:46.400
things as kids and there's still this level of like innocence

1451
01:37:46.400 --> 01:37:50.600
and naivety, like we might not understand some of the things

1452
01:37:50.600 --> 01:37:52.900
that are happening and then before we know it, we're in the

1453
01:37:52.900 --> 01:37:53.600
middle of it.

1454
01:37:55.200 --> 01:37:59.300
And again, I'm not saying that we're not accountable, but I

1455
01:37:59.300 --> 01:38:01.800
feel like forgiveness prayer sheets would be really good for

1456
01:38:01.800 --> 01:38:04.100
you to forgive yourself.

1457
01:38:04.100 --> 01:38:07.700
Yeah, the forgiveness prayer sheets to fill those out.

1458
01:38:07.700 --> 01:38:09.800
Yeah, in the program.

1459
01:38:09.800 --> 01:38:11.000
So they're in week four.

1460
01:38:11.000 --> 01:38:12.800
They're also in your welcome section.

1461
01:38:12.800 --> 01:38:15.900
It's literally called the forgiveness prayer sheet.

1462
01:38:16.600 --> 01:38:21.900
And to pray and forgive yourself and just write out anything

1463
01:38:21.900 --> 01:38:24.600
that you need to forgive yourself for be very specific.

1464
01:38:24.600 --> 01:38:27.900
If you need to fill more than you know, the little paragraph

1465
01:38:27.900 --> 01:38:28.900
space that's there for you.

1466
01:38:28.900 --> 01:38:31.700
Just write it on the back until you're done and just really

1467
01:38:31.700 --> 01:38:35.600
let all that stuff kind of come out of you because it's time

1468
01:38:35.600 --> 01:38:39.200
for you to be able to move forward and not, you know, not carry

1469
01:38:39.200 --> 01:38:45.000
this stuff into your future and God wants you like, yes, of

1470
01:38:45.000 --> 01:38:45.500
course.

1471
01:38:47.700 --> 01:38:51.500
What if this information do I owe a prospective mate?

1472
01:38:52.900 --> 01:38:55.200
If I don't tell him am I keeping secret?

1473
01:38:56.500 --> 01:39:00.000
Well, I think that's when you get to that point God will show

1474
01:39:00.000 --> 01:39:01.200
you what you should share.

1475
01:39:01.500 --> 01:39:02.000
Okay.

1476
01:39:04.300 --> 01:39:09.700
I mean, I felt led personally to tell my husband about what

1477
01:39:09.700 --> 01:39:13.600
happened with my brothers in my past because it can impact

1478
01:39:15.500 --> 01:39:20.900
intimacy now and I was not I didn't feel right because you

1479
01:39:20.900 --> 01:39:22.800
know, I'm not close with my family.

1480
01:39:22.900 --> 01:39:26.800
It just wouldn't have made sense for me to not tell him because

1481
01:39:26.800 --> 01:39:30.700
he needed to kind of understand why I felt led to not be close

1482
01:39:30.700 --> 01:39:31.600
to my family.

1483
01:39:33.100 --> 01:39:38.600
And then I did tell him about when I was raped in college like

1484
01:39:38.800 --> 01:39:43.100
but again, you have to pray and ask God what what God is going

1485
01:39:43.100 --> 01:39:44.300
to lead you to do.

1486
01:39:45.300 --> 01:39:49.700
And know that if God leads you to tell a safe person, that's

1487
01:39:49.700 --> 01:39:53.700
really important, a safe person that you believe will be your

1488
01:39:53.700 --> 01:39:57.700
could be your spirit mate, then God will give them the grace

1489
01:39:58.400 --> 01:40:00.100
to handle it well.

1490
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:11.740
Okay, so Brian, I was afraid to tell him the things that I just mentioned because my ex

1491
01:40:11.740 --> 01:40:16.120
and my past, when I told him about the sexual abuse, my ex-husband asked me all kinds of

1492
01:40:16.120 --> 01:40:21.100
details about it, re-traumatized me all over again.

1493
01:40:21.100 --> 01:40:26.660
When I dated the girl's dad, as soon as I shared with him about the abuse, he basically

1494
01:40:26.660 --> 01:40:32.100
kind of like, it was almost like he felt, it was almost like I was a leper, like he

1495
01:40:32.100 --> 01:40:34.700
hardly would like come around me.

1496
01:40:34.700 --> 01:40:38.520
And I didn't want to like have sex with him, you all, but like, I just wanted to feel close

1497
01:40:38.520 --> 01:40:39.520
to him.

1498
01:40:39.520 --> 01:40:41.780
But it was almost like he just, this wall went up and this barrier.

1499
01:40:41.780 --> 01:40:46.700
And so I was terrified to tell Brian, but God helped me through that.

1500
01:40:46.700 --> 01:40:50.300
And I told him and he handled it amazing.

1501
01:40:50.300 --> 01:40:55.900
He was so kind and so loving and grace filled.

1502
01:40:55.900 --> 01:41:03.260
And you all understand, like my husband was like saved at 16 and became a pastor at 16.

1503
01:41:03.260 --> 01:41:08.860
Like, I mean, he, it's not that he's never done anything wrong, but my past has, was

1504
01:41:08.860 --> 01:41:13.300
definitely way different than his.

1505
01:41:13.300 --> 01:41:17.460
And he said to me, cause I asked him, I just said, I don't really feel led to tell you

1506
01:41:17.460 --> 01:41:21.260
about all of my past.

1507
01:41:21.260 --> 01:41:23.320
These are the things I feel led to tell you right now.

1508
01:41:23.320 --> 01:41:28.460
And then he ended up saying to me, you know, he's like, I'm not, I'm not wanting to be

1509
01:41:28.460 --> 01:41:31.900
in relationship and marry who you were.

1510
01:41:31.900 --> 01:41:36.580
I want to be in relationship and marry who you are now and who you're becoming.

1511
01:41:36.580 --> 01:41:40.660
And so basically he was saying to me, I don't need to know all those details.

1512
01:41:40.660 --> 01:41:45.740
And even I, yeah, I mean, I definitely even chose regarding him.

1513
01:41:45.740 --> 01:41:47.380
I mean, I know he was married before.

1514
01:41:48.300 --> 01:41:51.860
I also know he was with someone else after that, that wasn't a super healthy person and

1515
01:41:51.860 --> 01:41:56.880
wasn't living a genuine, like, like walking in self-control.

1516
01:41:56.880 --> 01:42:01.460
And so I didn't feel led to ask him a bunch of questions either.

1517
01:42:01.460 --> 01:42:02.460
That's his past.

1518
01:42:02.460 --> 01:42:04.260
He is who he is now.

1519
01:42:04.260 --> 01:42:06.100
And you know, that's, that's the thing.

1520
01:42:06.100 --> 01:42:10.900
And so take some time in this heart healing process to really ask the Lord, what, what

1521
01:42:10.940 --> 01:42:16.540
aspects of your story does the Lord want to help you be prepared to share?

1522
01:42:18.100 --> 01:42:24.740
Yeah, you, you get to make those decisions with the Lord, but I don't want you to hold

1523
01:42:24.740 --> 01:42:29.020
back because you're afraid someone will not choose you because of it.

1524
01:42:29.740 --> 01:42:33.540
And remember, we can tell someone something without telling them all the details.

1525
01:42:33.860 --> 01:42:38.060
And if they start asking a bunch of details, I didn't know this back then, but what my

1526
01:42:38.060 --> 01:42:40.420
ex was doing was super unhealthy.

1527
01:42:40.940 --> 01:42:45.140
Really like kind of demonic, actually, not good stuff.

1528
01:42:45.780 --> 01:42:50.180
And so people don't need to know all the gory details of what we've been through unless

1529
01:42:50.180 --> 01:42:53.620
we feel comfortable sharing something in particular with them.

1530
01:42:54.380 --> 01:42:58.740
My ex, or Brian, excuse me, does it, I mean, he knows I was sexually abused.

1531
01:43:00.620 --> 01:43:08.460
But that's it, you all, I didn't tell him all the details and the level and all of

1532
01:43:08.460 --> 01:43:15.780
that. I just didn't feel like I needed to, it adds complication and all kinds of stuff.

1533
01:43:16.500 --> 01:43:17.260
Does that make sense?

1534
01:43:18.220 --> 01:43:19.260
Is that helpful?

1535
01:43:19.940 --> 01:43:20.660
Yes, very.

1536
01:43:21.220 --> 01:43:23.980
OK, well, thank you for trusting us.

1537
01:43:23.980 --> 01:43:25.740
We have a lot of courageous women in here.

1538
01:43:26.340 --> 01:43:27.420
It's pretty awesome.

1539
01:43:27.780 --> 01:43:33.780
And just know that for every lady in here, not just Deborah, but everybody, you know,

1540
01:43:33.780 --> 01:43:37.260
we're not tarnished, we're not damaged goods here, ladies.

1541
01:43:38.540 --> 01:43:40.340
OK, it's important that you remember that.

1542
01:43:42.220 --> 01:43:48.420
You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God says you are beautiful and that you are

1543
01:43:48.420 --> 01:43:50.700
going to be the crown to your husband.

1544
01:43:51.820 --> 01:43:52.780
He's going to be proud.

1545
01:43:52.780 --> 01:43:57.340
Yes, Lord, I feel that he's going to be proud, Deborah, that you're going to be his

1546
01:43:57.340 --> 01:43:59.340
wife. He's going to be proud.

1547
01:43:59.820 --> 01:44:04.340
OK, and ladies, for everybody else on here, your spirit mate is going to be proud.

1548
01:44:04.660 --> 01:44:09.140
Do you know that the Bible says when a man has found a wife, he's found a good thing?

1549
01:44:09.140 --> 01:44:14.860
And then there's also scriptures that talk about how he'll like talk good about you in

1550
01:44:14.860 --> 01:44:21.140
the city gates and like he'll tell people how awesome you are, essentially.

1551
01:44:22.900 --> 01:44:28.380
That's what a good man, a healthy man does, because they can recognize when someone is

1552
01:44:28.380 --> 01:44:32.420
a good thing. All right, so we're going to end on that note.

1553
01:44:32.420 --> 01:44:36.620
I want to encourage you all to pray into that, that you'll start to really let God show

1554
01:44:36.620 --> 01:44:45.340
you the jewel that you are and the value that you bring to the people that know you and

1555
01:44:45.340 --> 01:44:48.260
those that are going to know you one day.

1556
01:44:48.740 --> 01:44:50.300
You're not married yet.

1557
01:44:51.020 --> 01:44:52.820
You're going to be. I believe it by faith.

1558
01:44:53.180 --> 01:44:55.420
Father, we just thank you so much for this night.

1559
01:44:55.420 --> 01:44:57.540
God, I thank you for these precious women.

1560
01:44:57.980 --> 01:44:59.020
God, I thank you.

1561
01:44:59.020 --> 01:45:00.100
And I just hold.

1562
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.600
lovingly, their stories in our hands.

1563
01:45:03.600 --> 01:45:06.480
And we just say thank you, God, for encouraging them

1564
01:45:06.480 --> 01:45:10.320
and giving them the courage to share with us, to trust us,

1565
01:45:10.320 --> 01:45:11.700
ultimately to trust you, God.

1566
01:45:11.700 --> 01:45:13.800
I pray that you would cover every one of these ladies'

1567
01:45:13.800 --> 01:45:17.840
hearts, God, protect them from any attack of the enemy,

1568
01:45:17.840 --> 01:45:19.800
including shame, guilt, condemnation,

1569
01:45:19.800 --> 01:45:21.440
for even sharing their story.

1570
01:45:21.440 --> 01:45:23.640
God, we thank you for peace that passes all understanding

1571
01:45:23.640 --> 01:45:25.800
that your Salem rest would be theirs.

1572
01:45:25.800 --> 01:45:28.440
God, we know that you're redeeming their stories

1573
01:45:28.440 --> 01:45:30.440
in their timelines to help them to see themselves

1574
01:45:30.440 --> 01:45:33.560
the way that you see them, help them to forgive themselves

1575
01:45:33.560 --> 01:45:35.000
so that they can move forward.

1576
01:45:35.000 --> 01:45:37.040
We thank you for continued breakthrough

1577
01:45:37.040 --> 01:45:40.360
and healing and revelation, one on the heels of another,

1578
01:45:40.360 --> 01:45:41.820
on the heels of another, that there

1579
01:45:41.820 --> 01:45:43.740
would be these and suddenly moments

1580
01:45:43.740 --> 01:45:45.940
that they would have an acceleration in their healing

1581
01:45:45.940 --> 01:45:46.920
process.

1582
01:45:46.920 --> 01:45:49.280
We just thank you, Lord, that you're working all things

1583
01:45:49.280 --> 01:45:52.240
together for our good, just like in Genesis 50-20,

1584
01:45:52.240 --> 01:45:54.200
what the enemy intended for evil, God,

1585
01:45:54.200 --> 01:45:56.240
you worked it in Joseph's life.

1586
01:45:56.240 --> 01:45:57.880
You worked it all together for good.

1587
01:45:57.880 --> 01:46:00.920
And I would declare that same truth to be ours.

1588
01:46:00.920 --> 01:46:03.240
In Jesus' name, amen.

1589
01:46:03.240 --> 01:46:04.680
Ladies, we love you.

1590
01:46:04.680 --> 01:46:07.200
And I look forward to hearing your stories in the group.

1591
01:46:07.200 --> 01:46:08.000
Amen.

1592
01:46:08.000 --> 01:46:09.800
That's right.

1593
01:46:09.800 --> 01:46:11.000
Thank you.

1594
01:46:11.000 --> 01:46:11.760
You're welcome.

1595
01:46:11.760 --> 01:46:12.600
God bless you all.

1596
01:46:12.600 --> 01:46:13.680
I'll see you in the group.

1597
01:46:13.680 --> 01:46:14.920
Have a good night, everyone.

1598
01:46:14.920 --> 01:46:16.120
Bye-bye.

1599
01:46:16.120 --> 01:46:17.680
Bye.