Welcome to another session of our heart check-ins.
Interesting.
We're so glad to have you here with us.
Our team is juggling a couple of Zooms tonight.
And so, so sorry for those of you
that might've had trouble logging in, but we are here.
We're ready to work on our heart work.
And I'm so excited to be here with you tonight.
My name is Bethany Cooper.
I'm one of the Master Heart Work Coaches
here in our community.
And we have several amazing, yeah,
it can be nerve wracking when I don't wanna make sure
everybody's taken care of.
We have several other amazing heart work coaches,
dating coaches, of course, in addition to Jackie
on our team.
And so it's an honor to get to be on this part
of the journey with you.
And if you are new, brand new,
you've never been on a live session with any of myself
or any other coaches, would love for you all
to let us know that in the chat.
So that we can say hi to you and welcome.
Y'all, I'll tell you, for those of you
that have been here for a little while,
you know, I was sick not that long ago.
Like really bad.
And I was so excited recently.
Not that I was excited my husband got sick,
but I was excited cause I was like, oh my gosh,
I'm not getting sick.
And I'm declaring that over myself still,
but I will tell you that as soon as I,
about an hour after I finished,
maybe a half an hour after I finished
the afternoon session today, I started feeling sick.
So pray for me.
We're gonna have a great session tonight,
but we appreciate, the team appreciates your prayers.
We have been under fierce warfare since this past weekend.
If you did not hear Supernatural Saturday,
one, check that out.
That's one of my housekeeping items,
but I'm mentioning that because Jackie kind of shared
a little bit about the history of last year's single.
She shared that my husband and I were just there in town
for a couple of days working on some of the aspects
of the future of last year's single.
And all the things that need to happen to carry out
the vision that God is giving Jackie, David, myself,
the team, and we're so excited for the next phase
of what is coming.
But on the heels of that, literally my husband and I,
we were supposed to fly out at noon on Saturday from Austin.
Y'all, we went through five flight delays,
five flight delays.
It got to the point that, you know,
when we had connection flights,
it wasn't even direct flight.
And so multiple times we had to push our connection flight
back and then finally I was like, okay,
we need to just cancel this flight
and get a different flight.
Like I'm at the point I'm worried we're not gonna get home
and we, you know, lead a church.
So we had to be back.
It wasn't like we could even stay somewhere for the night.
We had to get back to pastor our church.
My husband was preaching Sunday.
And I'm sharing all this with you all to say
that your prayers are so important to us.
If any of you all have been on our prayer sessions recently,
you know, we've had to kind of redirect people
back to the original plan for our prayer calls.
And I just want you all to know
as one of the Heartwork coaches
that the tough thing is this,
whether you run a business, a ministry,
you're walking through life,
you're trying to lead other people.
Even back when I used to raise up leaders
in not only this group,
but I'm talking about a different group,
a big church that's kind of worldwide known,
super honored to be a part of what they were doing
several years ago.
But, you know, people tend to at different points
in their life, get easily offended, okay?
And hurt by things
when you're just putting structure in place.
And so I always wanna encourage you all,
if you've been on any of those calls,
especially recently, just so you know,
this doesn't normally happen like this.
If you have hurting any of that,
and if you've never heard it, awesome.
But we have a couple of ladies that have been disappointed,
their feelings are hurt and they're taking it public, okay?
So if you all ever have anything that you're upset about,
or just like you wish, you know,
like your feelings get hurt,
whether it's with us as leaders in this movement
or anyone in this movement,
number one, the goal of the Bible,
it talks about how you should handle those things.
It says that you should go right to that person, okay?
And so I wanna encourage you all to do that.
We're here to help you.
We're here to support you.
We're here to help you heal.
And so the last thing we want is for people to leave
hurt and offended, okay?
And so again, if you didn't hear any of that,
praise the Lord, because you didn't feel any of that
from other people.
But if you did, I wanna encourage you and let you know
that we are who we say we are.
Things are amazing in this community.
I have been here for over five years.
We've come across some really broken people
and we ourselves have made mistakes as well,
but we're always gonna do our best to work it out
and love you all.
And hopefully everyone be at peace with one another.
So on that note, you know, this was not in the.
Notes for tonight. If you are struggling with other people, even in your local church
or your family, where there's a lot of discord and disruption,
I want you to know that the enemy right now is stirring up a lot of that. Not only in our
community last year single, you all literally in our church, we came back from this trip
and something like right before we left, something happened. And then literally right
when we came back, we're like, we're hearing all these rumors of things. People think
they think what they, they know what happened. Do you know what I'm saying? Like all this stuff,
just like, okay, the enemy is really busy, but you know what? God is bigger than all of that.
And so if that is you, if you have been feeling some of that in the spirit realm, just like
all this stuff bubbling up and you don't even know where it came from. I just want you to know
that's the enemy and God is on your side. And guess what? Jesus died so that we could win.
And we do win. And so we win. I just want to speak that over you. You win in your love story.
You win in your life that God wants to help you come out of hiding to come out of the places of
brokenness. And, um, you know, Jackie talks about it in the heartwork book, that offense
is an opportunity for an upgrade you all. Okay. I got offended yesterday at people in our church
because of some of them and the way they're acting. It's hard. Life is hard sometimes,
but what we do with that is key. So for me, what I've learned,
and I don't do it perfectly, but what I've learned is to give that stuff to the Lord
and let him use it to change me, take me higher, help me to see people differently.
Maybe I need to put some new batteries boundaries in place, whatever that might look like. And so
hope this is encouraging to you even right now. I know this was housekeeping, but this is just
stuff that's kind of coming up in my spirit tonight as well. Um, and I just want you to know
that God is fighting for you and he is, you know, Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the father
interceding for you tonight as well. So on our best practices, here are a couple of them.
We encourage you during the heartwork season that you are in to press pause on dating. Um,
some people have asked about this recently and you all, this isn't because anyone is doing
anything they shouldn't do. This is literally because it was in my notes. Again, it's that time
again, to give this reminder. So I just want everyone to know that is literally why I'm
mentioning it tonight. And so what that means is that we would say, Hey, don't pursue any
relationships with guys. Does it mean you can talk to guys? Sure. But this afternoon, we had
a great conversation with one of the ladies that, um, has been in the group for a little while.
And originally she started developing a friendship, a genuine friendship with a guy.
He told her on the front end, he has no desire to get married. He doesn't want a girlfriend. So
she's like, okay, cool. I can get to know this guy during heartwork and it won't, it won't be
anything because he just wants to be my friend and I'm okay with being a friend. And there's
nothing necessarily wrong with that. But y'all, the discussion was, she's realizing now that if
he's not available, she's feeling upset that she's getting emotionally connected to him more
than what she realized. And there's a lot of other factors that went into that conversation, but I
just want you all to know, it can be very easy to develop emotional like connection. And some
people will even mention, um, you know, some relationships, you know, if you're married and
your spouse is over talking all the time to this other woman and create an emotional connection
there, well, that is a form of not being faithful with his own heart and marriage because the go-to
person should be the spouse, not a friend that's a girl, another lady. Okay. And we won't get too
far into that, but I just want you to know that those things do happen. And we understand what I
loved was that she wasn't afraid to talk about it. We had another young lady in our group,
kind of asked some questions about that this last week or two. And so I just want you guys to know,
I'm going to be cheering you on. I'm going to be on your side. So where the other coaches,
we're not going to judge you. We're definitely not going to shame you. We're going to do our
best to coach you and redirect you. If we feel like it's something really unhealthy for you
or encourage you to set boundaries until you're done with the heartwork, but definitely 100%,
we are doing our best to walk with you and cheer you on and help you navigate those things really,
really well. So if you meet someone while you're in heartwork, because sometimes it's the enemy
bringing people up to distract you and to kind of throw you off track. Sometimes they are good
guys. Okay. Here's the key. This is what you can say. And a healthy guy will receive this really
well. Right now I'm in this really amazing heartwork healing journey that I need to be
really committed to, but I've really enjoyed getting to know you when I'm finished with.
the heart work, can I circle back around to connect with you?
If they are a healthy man, you know what they're gonna they're
gonna be like, whoa, that's awesome. Because healthy men
want healthy women. If they're not a healthy man, they're gonna
be like, what? No, just come be with me. Hang out with me. I
don't want to wait. Yo, we don't have to worry that we're gonna
lose our spirit mate. That's not true that like, if it is the
Lord. And again, if they're a healthy man, healthy men want
healthy women, and they will be willing to wait for you to
finish the heart work and they will cheer you on in it. And
they won't keep messaging you to try to be like, Hey, you know,
I got to talk to you. I got to talk to you. I got no, they're
gonna honor your boundary and they're gonna support you in it.
All right. I won't get on that soapbox anymore. But I feel
like that's really important as we're navigating this because
the enemy again, he's trying to disrupt. He's trying to get
people off track. He's trying to create disunity and division
and discord. And he's also trying to make sure that you
don't finish the heart work. So ladies, stay in the game. Stay
focused because if you do, y'all won't be here forever. You'll
just keep going right on through, you'll heal, you'll
move forward and then you will learn how to practice healthy
dating in the next phases. So the last thing I have for you is
get out and do something fun this week, ladies. Okay, we've
been doing the heart work, even if you just joined us and you've
just started, go do something fun anyways, because this is
practicing, you know, cleansing, allowing our bodies to heal and
then getting out having fun, laughing, get your girlfriends
together, go watch a funny movie. If you love, you know,
going for a hike or exploring or whatever it is that you love to
do, whatever makes you feel good on the inside. Those are the
things that I want to encourage you to do. For some of you, you
have put other people first your entire life. Even some of
your friends, you might be in the middle of needing to take
care of yourself and your friend who maybe has a lot of drama
surrounding her will call you and she'll be like, Oh my gosh,
all this stuff happened. She has all this drama. And before you
know it, your rest time is gone. G-O-N-E, gone. Anyone ever done
that? I've done it before. I still have to work at not doing
that. The enemy will send these people to take something that
we're trying to work on that peace that rest. Okay, so go
have fun. Proverbs 1722 says a cheerful heart is good medicine.
But it's crushed spirit dries up our bones. So we don't want our
bones to dry up. We want to be, you know, have good laughter and
good medicine in our bones and our body. So laugh, have fun. And
let me pray. I haven't even prayed yet you all. It's already
Father, thank you so much. Even right now that I can just be
full of your presence and your joy God in the midst of all
things you're working good. Yeah, on our behalf, you're
leading us and guiding us every step of the way we ask for
things that are in darkness to be revealed for healing God, let
your light shine Jesus into the innermost places of our heart of
our soul, reveal to us the things that we can't see the
things that are causing us to get hung up. And Lord, even just
like ourselves on some level, Lord, we thank you for Yeah,
helping us to fall back in love with who you've created us to be
with ourselves in the sense of not unhealthy selfishness, but
Lord, just liking ourselves liking literally the image of
who you've created us to be. And I thank you God that you'll help
us to partner with you in the days ahead. Holy Spirit, have
your way in us tonight. And Jesus name. Amen. Tonight we're
talking about confession and repentance, y'all. Okay, so
that's the topic. We don't always know why we do what we
do. Okay. I want to encourage you all to be very grace filled
towards yourself. Okay, if you have a bad day, and you get
triggered, or something happens, and you're like, why did I just
do that? You know, or even you struggle with some kind of sin
cycle that you're trying to break, and you just haven't been
able to break free again, I just want you to really just be able
to look your practice, practice this, if you can't do it. And
even if you can practice, practice, practice, look at
yourself in the mirror and say, I forgive you. Bethany, I forgive
you for not handling that well. I love and honor that area that
got triggered in you. God, I thank you for healing that in
Bethany right now. Like sometimes I literally like we
have to stop and just talk to ourselves. David talked to his
own spirit. Why are you downcast? Oh, my soul, hope in
the Lord. So why do we often think we shouldn't or like we
can just live without doing some of those things. We need to
speak to our own spirit to our
own inner self. Alright, so on that note, we don't always know the why behind the what, but God does.
So in this community, in this process, on your whole journey, not just the heart work right now,
this intensive, yes, but you're going to do heart work all throughout as you go, okay?
We don't want you digging. The Lord knows the what, the why, sorry, behind the what. He knows
why you're doing what you're doing. He knows the patterns. He knows the habits. He knows why your
body is getting triggered, even when your mind and your heart is telling you that you're okay.
So He knows what needs revealed at the right time. He knows when you, you know, kind of get to a
certain place in your journey. He knows when to reveal something to you because, you know, this
is the thing. The Father loves us all so much that He doesn't want to put stuff on us that we do not
have the capacity to stand up under. Some of you right now, I love you, but I'm just gonna be honest
with you. If God gave you a spirit mate right now, you may not be able to handle it. You may not have
the capacity and the foundation yet. And so God will prepare you, heal you, prepare you so that
when He sends it, you can stand up under the weight of it, right? Because it is a blessing,
but marriage is also hard. There's a lot of stuff that goes into being a team. I was literally
thinking, even before I hopped on here tonight, because of the things that are kind of going on
in our church, what I see the enemy trying to do is create, and we're not fighting or anything,
but like, I just feel it. The enemy's trying to cause this disruption, like, can I trust Brian?
Can he trust me? And neither one of us struggle with trusting each other, but I can feel it in
the atmosphere, if you will, in the spirit realm. And so when the enemy's busy, I know that good
things are happening. They're about to happen. And so if that's you, again, hold on tight because
good things are coming your way. So it's important to rely on the Holy Spirit in this process. You're
going to ask the Lord really good questions. When something comes up, you're going to say,
Lord, you're showing this thing to me, this memory, this situation, or Lord, I got triggered
when this person said this, or I heard this, or Lord, I feel sad and down today, and I don't know
why. Lord, can you reveal the root of that to me? Can you reveal what's triggered this response in
me or this reaction? Lord, I don't know why I'm getting angry all of a sudden. What is it, Lord?
Help me to see what I can't see. The Holy Spirit is our comforter. He's our counselor, our guide.
He's that ever-present help in times of trouble, in times of joy and celebration. He is with us
always. The Lord declares that He will, like literally God the Father, will never leave us.
He will never forsake us. But so often we believe the lie that we are alone. So if we believe that,
there's a root of abandonment somewhere most of the time. All right, we're going to keep going.
Some examples of the why behind the what. I'm just going to name a few tonight. There's way
more than this, but here are a couple to help you right now. A lot of the why behind the what
is insecurity. A lot of people are struggling with insecurity. Insecurity leads us to pick
unhealthy people, unhealthy friends, as well as romantic partners. It allows us to, or it leads
us to allow people to treat us toxically and never set boundaries. Insecurity often can also lead us
to, you know, take responsibility for things that were never meant to be, you know, our responsibility.
Self-hatred. Remember the book talks in the HeartWork book talks about how hatred towards
other people actually begins with hatred we have towards ourselves. I say this all the time, but
it's so important. So many people are like, well, I don't hate myself. And that might be true. But I
just want you all to be open to asking God, is there any area where I am hating myself, where I
have dislike, like that ugh kind of feeling towards myself. And I'm going to talk about some of the
ways this showed up in my life years ago. The enemy does not want you to like yourself. He actually
wants you to loathe yourself and be down on yourself and start turning into that, you know, again,
the dislike, the loathing, that all starts to grow and that can turn into hatred or self-hatred,
excuse me, inward. And then that typically turns outward. All right. Overeating, gossiping. Do you
struggle with gossip? Do you struggle with like people coming to you in confidence and then you
just go tell someone else? Or talking about people for
no reason but other than to talk about them. Negative self-talk and thought patterns,
you know, where is your mind leading you? Where are your habits leading you?
Sexual related struggles, sex before marriage, porn addictions, lust, you know, again,
this is a safe place. I want to encourage you all, if you struggle with any of these things,
I have a couple more to say. Please, please, I implore you, come into the group and talk about
it. Because what you allow to remain in darkness will literally continue to have power over you.
Okay? Nobody's going to judge you here, I promise. And if they do, I will lovingly talk to them,
because we don't allow that here. In all the years I've worked in this company, I've never
had any sister judge another sister. If they do it in their heart, I have no clue about that.
But I know for a fact no one has ever said anything that has been judgment or shaming
or condemning towards anyone in here. I've had women confess things to us that they've never
told anyone. I just want you to know we're going to hold that space of honor for you,
and it's really, really important that you understand that. Here's a couple more.
Struggles with authority. Do you constantly struggle with rebellion?
I was looking at something tonight because I feel like I'm a pretty easy person to get along with,
but I noticed that two different people in my life, at different times, not at the same time
or anything, mentioned that when they would mention something to me, that I would seem
defensive. I'm like, man, I don't feel like I'm being defensive. So I've been thinking about this
a lot the last few weeks and just kind of praying into it. I was looking into some stuff. I feel
like I'm just trying to explain my heart or why I did something, but I don't feel like I'm being
defensive. So what's the disconnect there? Because two different people, again, if it was just one
person, then I don't know if I would have looked into it much. But when I have more than one person
saying the same thing, and I'm not seeing the root of that or where that's coming from,
man, I want to better understand that. I want to understand why that's what they're receiving.
And it was interesting, you know, I wanted to share this because I feel like this might
help some other people tonight. So basically the gap that I've been feeling, these were some
notes I typed up. It's actually not about the intent in my heart. It's about what that person
needs in the moment when they're talking to me about something. So basically my first response
is to try to explain because my heart was not whatever it is they think. And so I struggle with
a fear of people thinking bad of me or that I meant to do something or say something that
was harmful to them. Or I don't know, sometimes it's even about work stuff, whether it's at the
church or with OAS. And the gap literally is this. It's because I'm not pausing to just acknowledge
their experience. I thought that was so interesting. So sometimes, ladies, I think
that that can be true for a lot of us. It's okay if I know that wasn't really my heart in
this situation, but the reality is the other person is having an experience. And so I just
want to give that to you. Sometimes we don't have to, in that moment, clarify. And this will serve
you well into marriage too. This is stuff we talk about in Simbis. That's why I wanted to research
it for our couples as well. Because if it's something I'm getting hung up on, I imagine
other people get hung up on this too, right? So God knows the why behind my what. God knows
the why I feel like I have to explain myself. He knows where that came from. And I believe
he wants to heal more of that in me or even that fear of people thinking bad of me.
Because then that leads me into feeling like I have to be perfect and I can't ever make a mistake
or people will think bad or misjudge me or whatever that gets me into. So again, I don't
know if that's for someone tonight, but I want to give that to you. Here's another one. Angry inside
or angry on the outside. Do you have road rage? Do you tend to get angry at your kids really quick
or other people, even if it's someone in close proximity or someone that you only see on occasion?
What's that look like and sound like in your life? Instead of us accepting these things
in our lives just as like, Hey, this is just how I am. Like I could,
I could totally be like, this is just how I am. It's their problem that they think I'm defensive.
I could be like that, but that's not my heart, and I hope that's not your heart.
Here's the other thing. This is just how my family is or has been.
If you find yourself partnering with those kind of thoughts, I want to encourage you to allow the Lord,
Father God, to transform you from the inside out, to shift your perspective of that thing.
Because He's leading you here into the hard work to set you free in every area.
Nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing broken.
Yeah. You are a generational curse breaker, Debra. 100%.
And that's part of why we're here, and I was literally just getting ready.
It's so funny that you put that in right now. Timely.
Because here's the thing. When we heal from the inside out, God uses us as kinsmen redeemers in our family.
And it's not just for us, it's for the other people behind us, the other people that we're in community with.
I want you to think about the areas that you feel or believe are too dark, or I'm too much, my story's too much.
And then I want you to think about the truth that Jesus is the light of the world.
And wherever there is darkness, light can't coexist. So if the light is there, the darkness can't exist.
So if you invite Jesus into that place of your heart, your soul, your story, wouldn't it be true then that there is no darkness?
It wouldn't be too much because Jesus is there. You're not too much. We are not too much.
The enemy is trying to tell us that so that we'll retreat and leave.
Literally, I cannot tell you how many times in the last two days since all this stuff has been happening,
I have heard the enemy say, pull back from this person. Pull back. You can't trust them. You should just leave this church.
Y'all, the enemy doesn't want us here. Why? Because we're about to bring some breakthrough.
It's God bringing it, but he's using us. God wants to do something in this region of Florida.
I am confident of that. Are you that confident in your spirit mate and that God has a spirit mate marriage,
a kingdom family marriage for you? I hope you get there if you're not there yet.
Because sometimes we've got to fight for this stuff. And it's not always easy.
Sometimes we're worn down. I was so tired Sunday when we got the news of all these rumors and things flying around.
I'm like worn out. And I just I literally cried yesterday because I'm like, man, I'm so sad.
I'm sad that these people are saying this stuff for no reason. It's false accusations, you all.
Sincerely, so that's hard stuff, right? But you know what?
Who has our back is what's important. And God has our back. God has your back.
He's going to continue to see you just like he's seeing us through. All right.
I want to talk about the leper really quick in the Bible. Specifically, we're going to talk about Mark chapter one.
But here's something I want you to think about. Lepers in the Bible were the outcast.
They were the rejected ones alone because of their dis, their disease, their affliction, the things that some were bad about them.
Now, these were literal things that they had on their body.
Y'all would be scary. Any of you ever see somebody with stuff on them?
And it's kind of freaky, right? Because you don't know what that thing is.
I remember at one point years ago, I had some kind of virus, bacterial infection, whatever.
I don't even remember what it was now, but it was some kind of virus. They couldn't figure out what it was.
And so I couldn't take any medicine or anything for it.
And after that virus was over, two weeks later, I started getting this.
I don't even know. I wouldn't call it a rash. And it wasn't hives, but they were like these red spots all over my like torso.
And then that started spreading into my arms. And you all, when I tell you that they were painful, I am not exaggerating.
It wasn't melanoma. Basically, what ended up happening, and I forget what the name of it was.
I literally should look it up because I've told the story like a couple of times in the last month.
The doctors at first couldn't even figure it out. I went back to the doctor three times before they figured out.
Basically, my body was attacking itself. But those things, I couldn't even take a shower, you all.
Like I literally had to barely like I would fill the tub with like cool water.
And I would just sit in there long enough to like quickly sponge bath because it was literally so painful on my skin.
And I remember thinking, I know I'm not a leper, but man, I feel it.
Like I can relate.
Oh, I see what you're, yeah, Deborah.
I feel like I can relate to what they must have felt like.
Because literally when it started climbing up my neck,
you all, I was wearing turtlenecks to work in the summer.
So again, maybe some of you have had some stuff.
Maybe yours is on the inside.
Nobody can see it, but you feel it on the inside.
So now here's what I want you to see.
In Mark chapter one,
I would encourage you guys to read Mark chapter one
this week.
I want you to know and pay attention
to how Jesus responded to the leper.
I want you to see that Jesus went towards him.
He didn't go away from him.
He didn't avoid him.
He went towards him.
And not only that,
Jesus could have spoke a word from the distance
and that man would have been healed.
But what does Jesus do?
He touches him.
He touches the untouchable.
So what was untouchable now became touchable.
Do you see that shift?
Social barriers, you know, the outcasts,
lepers could not come into the temple.
They could not worship with people.
They could not be together in community.
A lot of times they were in caves and isolated and alone.
And now all of a sudden divine love shatters all of that.
And removes all of the physical social barriers like that.
It's done.
So God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit,
they wanna shatter all of the barriers for you tonight too.
And I know sometimes it's like,
well, it doesn't feel that easy.
Sometimes we have to go through, okay?
Sometimes we're delivered divinely like in the moment
and other times it's divinely as we go.
So no matter which process that you have to walk through,
I wanna encourage you to lay down all your shame,
lay down all the guilt and condemnation,
lay down anything that is holding you back.
Because God is like, if you'll surrender this to me,
if you'll give it to me completely,
I am gonna do something amazing in it and through this.
Repentance is coming.
It's a bunch of different things,
but the thing we're gonna focus on tonight
is coming out of agreement and alignment
with lies, sinful and or harmful behaviors.
And not only just in our minds,
but we're having a change of mind,
we're having a change of spirit and body.
So we're going in a different direction.
Our heart is going there too.
Because sometimes y'all,
we start walking in a different direction,
but our heart is still back here, right?
Sometimes that's how lust works.
We might get rid of it on our phones,
but man, our heart is still lusting constantly after things.
And God's trying to get a hold of our heart.
So we don't want you in this community
just to try to be on good behavior, okay?
You're not here to impress me.
You don't have to.
I would rather know like truly, genuinely your struggle
and help you walk through that
and actually get freedom and breakthrough.
Not just be good for a little bit short term period, right?
And I'll tell you just from my experience,
things I've walked through with people,
the people that just try to behave good,
y'all never ends well.
Because you can't do that long-term.
The only thing that brings lasting change
is internal heart change.
Genuine healing that sets you free.
Confession.
When we don't confess things,
we remain tethered to them.
We remain tied to those things, okay?
Sin that we don't repent for or confess
can create blind spots.
So it creates us to not be able to see certain things
that we need to see.
James 5.16 says,
"'Therefore confess your sins to each other
"'and pray for each other so that you might be healed.
"'The prayer of a righteous man avails much.'"
I'm gonna share really quickly.
When I went through the breakup,
after going through that with the girl's dad,
this one is kind of specifically where I'm focusing.
And when I talk about this,
y'all that was a relationship I should have never stayed in.
God was so kind and gracious to me through all that,
but he definitely was calling me out of that
like almost right from the beginning.
And I stayed for six years.
These are some of the things the Lord taught me
through the heart work that I did
in areas where I needed to confess and repent.
And so that's what I'm gonna share with you.
So I confessed and repented,
getting my words back mixed up there,
for trying to fill the God-shaped hole in my heart
with things that were not good for me.
Food to comfort me.
binge-watching too much TV to avoid my loneliness,
my pain, my overwhelm, my disappointment,
harmful thought patterns that were keeping me stuck.
Anyone else that,
let me go back to the TV thing for a minute.
Anyone else ever turn on the TV because you just,
when there's too much silence,
your pain starts to surface and then you're like,
no, no, shut, get down there.
Turn on the TV.
Let me avoid this thing.
And we're not even like necessarily saying that outrightly,
but that is literally how it feels.
Yes, we're like, no, ain't nobody got time for that.
Sometimes that's how I felt yesterday.
I'm like, man, I'm too tired right now.
I'm just too tired.
I mean, I was praying and talking about it
with the Lord all through the night,
but I did not have my revealing for healing cycle
out last night.
I'm just being honest with y'all, okay?
Now, today I've spent quite a bit of time
kind of just pondering some of the things.
Lord, where do we need to set healthy boundaries
with people that maybe they're not there?
You know, all the things.
And so there's a time and a place for it sometimes too.
And sometimes in the moment, what you need,
I think I talked about this a week or two ago, is rest.
And that's what I needed yesterday.
I needed just to lay there and veg a little bit.
But if I continued to avoid that,
then that's where it becomes a problem, right?
All right.
Harmful thought patterns I repented for
that were keeping me stuck,
not keeping boundaries in place
regarding sex outside of marriage
for letting my values be lowered to be in a relationship.
But it wasn't even a relationship, you all,
because it was a situationship.
The more that I went against my values and my morals,
the more self-hatred I had.
I blew past red flags that the Lord was lovingly showing me
all along in that, okay?
So when we resist the Lord,
man, we need to repent for that.
We need to acknowledge it.
And some of us, you know, that situation,
I could have, like that guy did so many things, you all,
that were just terrible.
And I could have just sat in victim mode
and blamed him for everything.
And there was a lot that he did
that was massively unhealthy.
But I chose to stay and I have to own that.
I have to look at what was going on in my heart
that was leading me to do that.
And I didn't value myself enough.
And I had to be honest with myself about that.
I actually believed that I was doing the right thing.
I actually believed
that I might not find a guy better than him.
That was one of the lies I was believing.
And that is part of why I stayed.
I also stayed because the girls,
I was so afraid of losing them.
Because when I hadn't even filed for divorce yet,
I had only separated from my ex.
But as soon as I filed for divorce,
he never let me see my stepson ever again after that.
Literally.
I had not seen my stepson since he was 10 years old,
since the day that my ex drove away with him.
Y'all, that was hard.
It was really, really hard.
And so when I met the girl's dad,
I said my boundary was,
I don't wanna meet your kids for six months.
Within two weeks, y'all,
he was sending me pictures of his kids.
I should have known right then,
this guy is not honoring my boundaries.
But I got suckered in.
The enemy was using this guy to do that,
to pull me right into that.
Because you know what he sent me?
Not just pictures of his little girls.
He sent me this little video
and they were the cutest little things.
I still have the video.
And this is what they said in unison.
We can't wait to meet you.
The cutest little voices,
like little heavenly angels.
And I was a goner.
Like literally, like right through my heart.
Like, oh, I guess I'm okay
if I meet your kids.
That was literally what I said.
Two and a half weeks in.
Y'all, my boundary was at least six months of dating him.
And I told him that.
And then I let him violate my boundary
and then I went along with it.
And I regretted that for like the whole time I dated him
because I love those girls and I'm so grateful for them.
I could not imagine my life without them.
But y'all, God worked that together for good.
But man, like if I hadn't got in that,
if I hadn't done that,
I don't think I would have kept dating that guy.
Okay?
So, you know, hear me when I say
we wanna help you not do those same things.
Okay?
We wanna help you avoid these kind of pitfalls.
But it begins with your heart work.
I had to look at, again, why did I blow past my boundary to make a guy happy?
To go along with that, okay?
So look at those things, be willing to be honest with yourself and see what God wants
to do with that.
I'm going to put you in your breakouts tonight.
The question is, I believe it's simple.
Now some of y'all, it's hard, like we do confession and repentance and people at first are like
quiet.
People don't want to talk.
I encourage you to, let's just be open with our sisters and just share.
And if, you know, yeah, I'm just going to leave that there.
So let's tonight be really good.
Let's share with each other and I will get these breakout sessions ready.
All right.
Okay, I think, yeah, okay.
And we'll do seven minutes and you all, if you have extra time, ask each other, where
are you from?
What led you to the community?
You can talk about things you like to do.
Maybe what's the fun thing you want to go do this week?
Talk to each other and have some fun as well, but talk about the confession and repentance.
Like what do you need to confess tonight?
That's the question.
Okay.
Here you go.
Go ahead and click to join those as quick as you can.
And then as soon as I see everybody situated, I will pray.
You guys, I'm sorry if I have to take breaks more often tonight.
I'm really feeling my throat is like raw.
All right, I think I have everyone situated here.
Father, thank you so much for this night.
Lord, I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening.
God, I thank you for everything you're doing in our lives.
I was looking for my chap secure ladies.
God, I pray for revealings for healing just to happen more like one on the heels of another
on the heels of another on the heels of another Lord.
I pray that you would just continue to help us to see what we can't see God.
Yes, Lord, even things deep down in the recesses of our soul and the crevices, Lord, things
that we have long forgotten that we even did.
Yeah, where we broke covenant with you, God, with ourselves, God.
When we did harm to ourselves or even to another person, Lord, I pray that you would help us
to forgive ourselves.
But first to confess those in a safe community, a safe place that we would not be afraid or
partner with fear because fear has to do with torment.
So God, I thank you that your perfect love casts out all fear and that you'll help us
to abide in your love, to abide in your presence, to abide in your stillness, Lord.
Yeah, to abide in your acceptance.
I thank you that you are.
Yes, Lord, creating generational blessings in our lives as we turn to you, as we look
to you.
As we seek you for all that is needed, Lord, I thank you that you are enabling us.
You're empowering us in a fresh way tonight to step into freedom a little bit more, that
what we confess, what we release and surrender fully to you, God, that you will work in those
areas, God, that you will redeem and restore all of the broken and fallen places in our
lives.
God, I thank you that.
Yes, Lord, just like we had the five delays in the plane, God, what we might feel is a
setback.
God is a setup for your presence, for your purpose.
Delays are not denial, Lord.
We thank you that you can help us to see everything through your perspective.
Give us a fresh revelation of your truth, of your love.
Give us an upgrade.
Yes, Lord, we thank you for divine.
I just keep hearing divine inspiration and revelation.
I'm just sensing someone's in need of a job.
So I'm just going to declare thank you, God, for abundance of jobs and opportunities.
I thank you, God, for putting us on the minds of people we don't even know yet.
God, I thank you for open doors, wide open doors in favor with God and man.
I thank you, God.
Yes, Lord, even where we've felt like it's been hard and like we just don't know if there's
a way that this can change.
Lord, I thank you that you're bringing change.
You're bringing release.
I speak grace and ease over this next season for anybody looking for a job or you're praying
about a change in a career or something.
Lord, so we just declare thank you.
when we come into alignment with that blessing and the abundance.
Yes, Lord. Just like the widow, you know, with the oil,
he told him to keep going and get in jars and all the jars that she had would be
filled. And, and, uh, you know, there was just an abundance of jars.
And I've just believed that's a representation of, you know, Hey ladies,
sometimes we've got to get our jars.
We've got to go get the things that can be filled.
We've got to allow and create,
like allow God to heal us and create the space on the inside of us again,
so that we can receive as well. Um, and so Lord,
I just pray that you would show the ladies anything that they need to do in the
days ahead that would enable them, uh,
to be able to receive the full measure of your grace,
the full measure of your love, your understanding. God,
I thank you that you would give us eyes to see what your spirit sees and ears to
hear what your spirit is saying. Yes, Lord.
We are the head and not the tail. We are above only and not beneath.
We are blessed when we go in, we're blessed when we go out,
we're blessed when we lie down, we're blessed when we rise up. God,
that is who we are. We, we have that identity in you. God,
I thank you for healing in our bodies. Even for myself,
I just come against every infirmity, ailment,
anything that is trying to hold our bodies back from moving forward. God,
I thank you that you're healing us even from heaven tonight. God,
that your divine oil is washing over us. God,
the internal sickness and disease God would be gone in Jesus name.
We thank you Lord for continuing to reveal to us every broken and fallen place
that you want to restore that where we feel weak. God, I thank you that you,
you lift up the weak and feeble knees in us. And I thank you God that you carry
us even when we cannot walk. So Lord, I thank you for breakthrough.
I thank you for healing. I thank you for release. Yes, Lord.
Just as I said that I was getting that drink and I saw like a cage with a
bird, like a bird in it.
And the cage is being opened and the bird is flying out.
And so I just declare release like release and freedom ever.
All of you, those here live tonight, those that are going to watch this replay.
Hello, all of you watching the replay. We love you. We're praying for you.
We're believing for breakthrough for you as well. God is,
is really so blessed by your intentionality
in this journey.
And he does not want you to partner with the fact that you are stuck here,
that you can't move forward. Some of you, even in the heartwork,
you're believing the lie that you're not healed enough to move forward.
And God is saying, it's your time. It's your time.
So just keep taking that step and move forward.
If there's something that you're stuck on in the heartwork, talk to us about it.
Where are you stuck?
Because where you're stuck is a signal that there needs to be more healing
there, but not talking about it and kind of shutting down will keep you stuck.
Okay. So Lord, we just thank you for any areas where there's been
obstacles, there's been bondage. There's been this, this, uh,
fear of like, yeah, just fear of moving forward.
Fear of taking the next step. I thank you for release.
I thank you for gates being opened, wide open gates, wide open gates.
I thank you Lord,
that we will no longer doubt our ability to trust you as we
go. Yeah. Lord, thank you that you provide for us.
Just like you provided for Elijah under the tree. When he was tired,
you brought him,
you used the Ravens to feed him to bring him everything that he needed.
The brook was there. So Lord, I thank you that you provide for us.
In every aspect of our lives and our journey, God,
that you're not going to leave us without what we need. Sometimes Lord,
in the physical realm, that can be tough when we're waiting.
Sometimes we feel hungry and we're like, God,
we need that food or we need something.
And we're just not believing that he's going to provide that Lord.
I thank you that you provide for every need that we have help us to trust you
in the process and Jesus name. Can we all say,
amen. Welcome back ladies. Hello. Hello.
I think everyone's back now. Welcome back. I'm excited. All right.
So ladies, I don't even know if I told the women this afternoon.
So your, your actual, actual activation. So remember go have fun.
That's just a housekeeping. That's you practicing having fun,
but here's your activations for this week.
I want to encourage you to create a post in the last year,
single app under the community tab this week about an area that you feel led to
repent for something or confess something that you've been struggling with.
Okay. Remember you don't have to tell all the gory details.
Okay. It's just, Hey, this is what I've been. I need to repent for doing this.
I need to confess that this is what I've been doing.
This is what I've been doing.
been a struggle in my life, whether it's in, you know, the past or recent, if you feel led to say
something, y'all, you need to do it. Because remember, again, what we bring out of darkness
into the light, life, light, all the things, it cannot hold us back anymore. Okay? So when you
do that, trust me, we're going to be there. We're going to support you. And God wants to set you
free in that area. So that is your main activation this week. Coming into the group and sharing what
you need to repent for or confess. All right. So is there anyone that is willing to share with
the whole group what you shared in your breakout? And once we start with one and normally see other
hands eventually go up, anyone want to share tonight? Joy, Joy can go ahead.
I spoke a lot of myself. Yes. And I'm making progress. I mean, what do you tell me that
about the balance and this and that? And even I did not post, but I, I, I think that's all right.
Yeah. Otherwise. So I want to confess that regarding the decoder, I, I confessed it with
my sister in the breakout room. Yes. I wanted to do it. Somehow I still delayed.
Um, and I, I mentioned about, uh, about a revival meeting at doing the, um, networking,
uh, advertising, making flyers and, uh, invite people and had a great success and, uh,
celebrated Christian media and came to interview us. Um, so really a lot of people helped. Um,
um, um, this one, Ariel, I need to confess is a balance of spiritual life with my, uh, real life
on the earth. Um, I I'm, I'm a person like clean. I love cleanliness. Nobody can sit in my bed. I,
I, I forbid, um, actually I'm a clean, but it's just only, I, I love to purchase things,
beautiful stuff. And sometimes not a purchase one person, double some of the triple. So it's like
try to satisfy myself. Like, uh, I don't know. I'm intense person period. If I lost something,
something that, but I need a break that happened, you know, campaign. Um, but I love beautiful
stuff. I have beautiful stuff at home and, um, clothing and calendars, scripture calendar. I
have four or five of them and then different on the wars and this and that. So anyway,
but anyway, I need to, to declutter. Um, I know that. And, um, I confessed it with
scissor in the back and I say, it doesn't matter my Simpson. I just need to, to walk out of faith.
Doesn't regardless my brain fatigue, Fox numbness, whatever the energy level I have to walk up by
face. No, I, I have energy. I don't want to take, I just have to stop one corner, two minutes. So
I'm just saying that, you know, by confess with you and with all the people is help me.
It's, it's, um, boost on my, my, my face and my energy, my brain, even right now I have,
um, it makes me headache, but, and that's why I did not show on the camera. Okay. Yeah. So,
but, but I know, I know, I know I'm a winner. It doesn't matter what I go through at the end.
Um, I want to show glory to glory. So I know. Um, so I'm just, I have to confess that yes,
I delay what God told me to do. I can see there. I did things that disobedient and rebellious.
Um, I know I need to do it, but I postponed it for years and regardless of my physical condition.
And sometimes I just have to lie in bed to rest my brain and
that's not an excuse. I have to get over it a bit. And right now, um, I know. So I felt that
sometimes I'll go to the conference meetings to worship and praise God. I felt the heaviness
break off me. Um, my brain got a clear. So sometimes that's why, that's why sometimes
still go to churches to, um, rather stay home. But today I have a, have a meeting.
I'm gonna jump in just to see if I understand what you were saying. Okay, so you were confessing
About balancing between spiritual life and personal life
Confessing delaying what God asked you to do and some hands there. Is that right? Yeah
I think it doesn't matter. It's my physical
Condition if God says something I need to do it, but I have a struggle
because balance of
My physical condition sometimes I go to conference. I feel like a breakthrough my brain toe my brain
Mental state so I can help me to decoder. But anyway
So what are we going to do right now? There's another conference coming up
I'm a worship dancer and
worshiper and
Yeah
Remember that the more that we pack our calendars ladies
There will always I promise you there will always be something that needs your time
There's always gonna be something that needs your time. Not that long ago. My husband went
To a work conference and he he was okay that I didn't go but he did want me to go and I just said I
Can't I can't not go this time. I just I knew that I needed to stay home and
Increase my capacity and rest and it was a very busy month for us
and so
You know if we're always doing something if we don't ever actually here's the thing ladies
Some of you all need to schedule your heart work time
And make an actual appointment with yourself just like you put that that you know that conference or those
You know other appointments on your calendar. Well, we don't tend to not show up to those do we but how often do we put?
off our own heart work
For various different reasons and you all know that we're actually saying every single time that we're not as important as that other thing
That's what's happening. I
Have had areas where I've struggled with this too, and I had to really admit to myself. I am literally saying
That those people and that you know situation or that event is more important than the things that you know
God is asking me personally to work on or spend time with him on and I had to really work on
Keeping my boundaries because God wants us to have balance in every area of our lives ladies. Okay, and so joy
Thank you for sharing. I know that you're growing a ton
Keep keep allowing yourself give yourself permission to make time for yourself on your calendar ladies
Do you know if you if literally all of us myself included if we just carved out literally consecutively
30 minutes to an hour a day
We would make progress on whatever it is that God is asking us to do
Hmm. Yes, if that's heart work if it's cleaning our house if it's you know for me working on my book and
Every time I feel like this is for some people every time I go to work on my book literally five other things come up
y'all I'm not joking and
And
internally for some reason those other things feel more important and
Then God keeps saying to me, but they're not
Bethany they're not more important
So it's us shifting on the inside and really
Acknowledging that what the season that we're in what God is asking us to do. He led you here for heart work joy
He doesn't want you to stay in heart work forever
He wants you to get done with it so you can move your life forward and so I want to encourage you to make yourself
a priority
Really get kind of focused in intentional on scheduling heart work time for yourself
And I believe God will help you, you know, really be able to finish that and move forward
But again, I appreciate you Sharon. I'm gonna go ahead and have Trina share now
Trina, but thank you joy, you know would love to hear what you have to say
So this one's a little embarrassing but um, right, I
Have been back in the church for eight years
I stepped away for 14 and I did, you know live a life just
Complete opposite of what any Christian should do
and I
got genital herpes
And
you know, I've had a lot of
Healing with that and dealing with that but
unfortunately, you know whenever I get an outbreak it's like a
visceral
reminder of shame like it's even just like of like I mean throughout my whole body and it's just like, you know, a
sting like quite literally and
Every time it happens
It's just a reminder and it's not like I can just like let it go
Let it go
go and be like, oh, well, that's just, you know, so or maybe I can, but I'm just having
trouble. I've always had trouble with it. And it's not even like, oh, people won't love
me. I mean, occasionally I will have that thought. But I mean, like my ex was fine with
it. People have been very accepting and gracious. But I think it's amazing. Like, I can't love
me sometimes. So
yeah, and I think when you said that, um, what I saw was like a picture of like a
blemish on yourself. Like, it's almost like that's how you're viewing yourself as broken
as blemished. And so I would encourage you just to really kind of, you know, that
scripture that comes to mind, and I'm sure you've heard it before. But you know, he
takes our crimson red and he makes it white as snow. But like what you're saying is so
true. Well, that's good until we have a physical situation that we continue to have
to face because of a mistake, you know, we made in the past. And so I totally hear you.
And there's actually a lot of people that have actually shared very similar to you and
have been struggling with that on one level or another. And so, you know, really, I
would I would do the the mirror activation, which I kind of alluded to that earlier, but
you can take it further, you know, really stand in the mirror. And, um, you know, just
ask yourself, this isn't even you talking to God, this is you talking to Trina. Trina, do
you love yourself, even though, even though you have contracted genital herpes? Do you
do I fully love myself and just see what kind of reaction starts to happen when you're
looking at yourself right in the mirror, talking to yourself. Some people can do it
really easy. Some people will not want to look in the mirror. Some people will not even
want to go in the bathroom of the room to do this activation. And so if those kind of
things start to happen, those are signals to again, there's that internal underneath
self hatred or self loathing on some level. You know, really just kind of what comes to
mind to is, um, what's the word I'm looking for? I'm basically kind of being at war against
our body or ourselves because of a mistake we've made holding ourself hostage in some
way. And so encourage you to do that activation and just see what comes up. And then come
in the group and do a post about it and let us know. And then we can kind of help you
process through that. Again, we have we have several coaches that have walked with this
kind of stuff, um, with people, some people that will be able to relate to you, like,
like they've been through the same thing. And so I think this will be a really good
place for you to process that out. And let's just see what comes up as you do the mirror
activation. And then just ask the Lord to also take you back to the time when you first
found out that's coming up in my spirit too. So not just now, not the redeemed part of
your soul and spirit where you have accepted yourself, you love yourself, but go back,
Lord, take me back to the day I found out. Show me where Jesus was. And what does Jesus
want to tell me about that? Well, see, that's the hard thing is that was one of the biggest
shifts of my entire life. I lived in L.A. at the time. And I, uh, I that's when all
my anxiety attacks started. And I just felt so much hatred for myself. And like my whole
world just crumbled. I moved back home to Boston and, um, I tried to hide from everything.
And I, I was just that that was a pivotal, pivotal time in my life. And I feel sad for
that girl. But, um, so that's why God brought that up in my spirit, because it's not just
feel sad for that girl. God wants to go back to that moment and help you hear something different.
He wants to change what you heard, what you received, what you believed about yourself
so that you don't just feel sad for that girl. You actually love that girl.
Okay. Yeah. I appreciate that a lot. Yeah, you're welcome. I just want to sit with that
for a minute. I feel that a lot for you, for other people on here. So many of us, you know,
we feel pity for those people back in the day that the people that made those decisions,
it's us, but we kind of separate, right? So there's a separate, you know,
we kind of separate, right? So there's a separation in the soul realm of who we are.
And the Lord is always trying to bring convergence. He's trying to bring
bring us back together into wholeness and not just feeling sad for that person, but like
Jesus wants that revelation to come of what He's saying, what was He thinking,
where was He at when we found out or when that thing happened or whatever,
to the point that we receive love into that place for that person, because we are that person.
Even if we've changed, that person is in there. And so if we don't love that person
and honor that person, well, then that person back here is still holding us back up here.
So Father, I just thank you right now for convergence in our spirit. I thank you,
God, for redeeming our timelines. Yes, Lord. Yeah, we're on to something here.
Lord, I just pray that you would go into the places and spaces where ladies have
really just not liked who they were because they made a mistake at some point in their journey.
God, I pray that you would reveal to them, Jesus, you specifically, Jesus,
help them to know where you were when they found that out, whenever they made that mistake or
whatever the situation was, God. Jesus, reveal yourself in that moment. Where were you and what
do you want them to know about it? And then help them not to just recognize the mistakes that
person made, but help them to love themselves in that moment. In Jesus' name. Trina, thank you for
trusting us and sharing that with us is really important part of your journey. And I just feel
honored and privileged that you would let us come alongside of you in that tonight.
Thanks for being here.
Yeah, you're welcome. Took a lot of courage. That courage is in you and it's going to
be an amazing catapult thing for you as you continue to move forward.
Yeah, Kristen. Kristen said, I just keep hearing the Lord say, I'm, I think it says I am big enough.
His love is so great to redeem us. That's absolutely right. Yep. Yep. Yep. Love it.
Trina, thank you again. Roseanne, we'd love to hear what you have to say.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello. Hi. So Joy and I were actually in a room together and I had actually shared in the
in the community post area back when, at the middle, at the middle, you know,
the tipping point of the year, because y'all encouraged, you and Jackie encouraged us to
look, you know, find out, okay, what, what do you,
Jackie has it really good. What do you not want to take into the rest of 2026?
And then where do you see yourself a year from now? And, you know, I mean, as I've looked at
that, it's like, okay, what things do I, can I, you know, work on or goals can I set to get myself
to where I, there, you know, I see myself, I'm, you know, on a health journey. I've actually lost
almost 40 pounds and still working on that. And I need to get, you know, exercise in my life.
And so those are just some of the things I want in the future. But the thing I posted about in
the community section that I don't want to carry is, and I shared this with Joy,
um, kind of what, what she said is I, I have several places in my home that are just clutter
in my room, the place where I sit in my living area around my chair, just piles of mail and
books and, you know, another place where I sit and pay bills and just, you know, pile up receipts
and everything. And I don't, I don't, I don't deal with it. And I am, I mean, this is an ongoing
thing. And so, you know, over the last several years, I've tried to look at it and say, okay,
what is the deal with you, Rosanne? And I'm really, I mean, you know, if you looked at it,
at my stuff, you wouldn't really think this, but I'm really a, everything in its place,
everything has a place and everything in its place kind of person. But part of the problem is, is
I've got too much stuff that I don't probably have places for everything. And I do, I do have
a housemate that she rents.
the room for me and so you know some of my space is
used by someone else and so I have to accommodate for that but
you know sometimes when I'm thinking through why do I do this
I think well it's because
she's not an everything in its place kind of person.
If something's out of place, she'll just shove it in a drawer and it's out of sight,
out of mind.
I can't do that.
But also you know when I posted
in the community thing, I find it
easier to help other people
with their, like I mean in the course of
just within the last year whenever I still had mess all around me,
I had a friend that had you know just moved into a house and
she had a craft room and she was trying to get her
you know house set up and her craft room organized and I went over and helped her
you know get that room. I mean we didn't
complete the task but I helped her
you know for several hours during the day and
I find it easier to
help somebody else rather than do the things I need to do for myself.
This is so good.
This is gonna be good.
Okay, here's my question for you.
Here's my question. So interesting this afternoon
one of the ladies was sharing and
I feel like there's a similar question that
like I asked her and yours is gonna be a little different but one of the things I
asked her is she basically was like
taking on stuff for her mom.
Her mom would, since she's been young, reaching out to her again. This is
totally different scenario but I'm gonna bring it back to why I'm bringing it up
right now.
Started when she was younger. Anytime mom would have issues with dad, mom would
tell her. She's the oldest kid.
She feels called.
She feels like the Lord is leading her to set boundaries with her mom
but she's afraid that she's gonna
number one, this is what she said, hurt my mom's feelings. Number two,
she's afraid to lose control like she won't know what's really going on with
her dad
and the reason I'm bringing it up is because I said to her
well is it hurting you?
I asked her is it hurting you
and she was kinda like well, like you told me that it was
essentially you told me it was hurting you. It started as a kid, you were the oldest
you had to hear stuff you didn't think was even good for you but yet
you're saying it's okay for you to be hurt but it's not okay for you to hurt
your mom even though you don't mean to?
Just by setting healthy boundaries? Do you see how we do this kind of stuff?
So when you were saying
you know you want to do it, the first question I wrote down is
why is it easier to help other people?
Like does it feel good
because you actually feel like you help them accomplish something?
Do you, and I don't mean this bad because we all deal with this on some
level.
I've dealt with it before. I used to really feel
like a need to feel needed
because I grew up helping everybody, taking care of everybody,
being the peacemaker and so when I'm not in those kinda places
y'all and here I am a heart work coach, I help people all the time
but you know what I tend to have the most fatigue from now?
Helping people all the time. So I have to kinda step away from helping people
take breaks, have rest, refill, recharge
and schedule time for myself which is what I was just talking to you guys about.
So why do you think for you, what is it
in you that leads you to want to help other people
and avoid whatever your stuff is?
Sometimes I think it is
it feels good to help somebody
and the need to be needed or however you said that
but then sometimes I think like
because I remember when I helped my friend with her craft room
thinking through like
why are you doing this and not dealing with your own
stuff and it was the
the overwhelm of not knowing
what I'm gonna do with something if I can't find a place for it.
This is so good
so let me ask you another question. Did your mom or dad or grandma
anyone that you grew up with
grow up around also struggle with the same thing?
or that you grew up with
I don't recall that, but my mom, which I didn't, you know,
or that you grew up with
I used to, when people would say,
I thought everybody was like this about something,
I would think, well, that's just crazy.
But when I realized, not everybody
lived in a house like I did.
My mom, every single day, except for Sunday,
vacuumed all the floors, cleaned the bathrooms,
dusted all the furniture, everything, every single day.
And there were a lot of days, like in the summer,
that was our job.
I'm one of five kids, and four of us were girls.
And me and my sister, one would get in the back of the house,
one would get in front of the house,
and I would start in the bathrooms,
and she would start in the kitchen,
and we would meet in the middle, and we would get it
done on the weekends.
And then sometimes, when we came home from school
during the school year, and my mom hadn't finished,
we would have to finish.
And there were a lot of things that I
didn't know about my mother that I found out later in life.
And I think part of her, she was, I don't know, it was.
Probably OCD a little bit?
Maybe OCD, but I think part of her
was earning affection, and attention, and approval.
She dealt, which again, I didn't learn until I was 32,
something that happened in her life,
and she lived under a lot of guilt and shame, I think.
And so, I mean, like, whenever she was sick with cancer,
her mother came and lived with us,
and I heard her ask her mom, why didn't you
ever tell me you loved me?
And so, I think that was part of what her deal was.
But that's the way I grew up.
You know, I grew up with the, and I
think that's part of it, too, is I grew up
in a home that was, in which I want my home to be
clean, and neat, and tidy.
I don't want to be obsessive about it.
There's no way I work full time.
I can't clean my house every day like my mama did.
I'm like, that's not going to happen.
Times are different now, right?
OK, so I have one more question for you,
and it's OK if you can't recall tonight.
So specifically, this stood out twice to me,
as you've been talking tonight.
The overwhelm sets in when you are afraid
you will not be able to find a place for those things.
You said that twice.
Did you ever get in, so we know now
that you had to clean a lot, which that's not necessarily
bad in and of itself, y'all.
We learn a lot of responsibility through doing those things,
right?
Right.
Did you ever get in trouble for not
putting something in its place?
Not that I recall, but whenever, at the middle of the year,
whenever I was trying to look at it,
I remember you asking, OK, when's the first time
you remember this happening?
And so I pray, because I don't remember the first time
I let clutter move in.
But I prayed and asked the Lord, OK, Lord, where did this start?
What is the, was there a first time?
And I had this memory of a time when my mom was sick.
She was diagnosed with lung cancer.
And I had moved back home from the college I was going to.
And my purpose was to be available and help
in any way I could.
And there was a day that I was at home, and my mom was sick.
And I had decided the previous day
that I was going to stay in my room that morning
and focus on the Lord, do some Bible, be in the scripture,
reading, praying, journaling.
And my mom's best friend came over, our neighbor came over.
And I don't remember all of the details of that day,
but I think she came to my room, and there was something
that my mother needed.
And so I had to go out of my, I had to put everything up,
go out and help my mom.
And I didn't get back to that.
And that's the memory that I had when I asked the Lord
about, you know, the first time or, and at first,
and I initially, I didn't, I don't know if it was,
it's connected or not.
not. And I asked the Lord's like, okay, Lord, I don't know if it's connected. And that was kind of
my question in the community post. If it was connected, but nobody responded to it. I just
think, sorry, we're still having so many problems with our notification system. Yeah. That's okay.
But I, when I prayed and asked the Lord about it, but it, it did come back to that, what
something, you know, came up with what you said earlier about, you know, Roseanne, you,
you are, you are worth having this time, you know, for yourself, you're, you're worth
your health, you're having a clean and organized or orderly environment.
I love this. So I keep saying that, but it's just, I love where this is leading. I feel like
this is going to be really important for you. So here's a couple other things I wrote down,
and then I'll, I'll probably need to get over to Deborah here just so I have time for her to share
too, but you're on the right track. I want to say that first and foremost, I feel like this is
important for you in your process. I want to also say for you and everyone else, ladies, it's okay.
If you don't remember all of it, I do feel like it is connected. I feel like that's why it came
up in your spirit. When you started asking the Lord about the clutter and the fact that it's
kind of, even though it's, you know, you were sharing about this other thing over here,
here's this common thread coming out tonight, right? Leading back to the clutter, leading back
to this place. When you were sharing about the college and that situation, I wrote down,
something feels incomplete, unfinished. So I don't know if you felt like someone took that time from
you where you couldn't go back and finish something you were working on, or if like when that disrupted
whatever flow you were in at that moment, if there were some lies that you heard about your worth,
your value, but ultimately it also goes back to this. Did you at some point, did you get in
trouble or did something say, someone say something to you because something was, Rosie, I don't want
you to see me just for a second, just because this is like, something's out of place. That's
where again, in my spirit, I feel like, I don't know if you felt like something was unfinished
or someone else said something was unfinished, not done, but I feel like there's something there to
that. Again, we'll just ask, you know, encourage you to ask God, really good questions. Trust him
in the timing. I was telling the ladies this afternoon, this, and I want to remind everybody
tonight to, excuse me, most of my childhood, I don't remember. I don't remember most of my
childhood, literally teenage years. I remember very sporadic stuff. And here's why I say this.
If God wants me to remember it, I will. And so even with that memory for now, until he reveals more
to that, trust him with that. Just keep asking him good questions. He might reveal the answer
in the other dots to connect things. Now you might reveal it in a month or in a couple months,
but you're on a really important journey. I really believe that for you because you are worth having
like the time and being the focus. And here's the one last thing I want to leave you with
because you grew up. And again, not that it was bad that you had to clean or that your mom cleaned
every single day, but that creates a lot of pressure. You know, I imagine like, again,
not that this happened, but I know you guys are going to chuckle at me. All right. So because I
work all the time, this isn't why you guys are going to chuckle. You're going to chuckle in a
second, but because I work all the time, once a month, I clean our house too. But once a month,
I have someone else come in and just kind of do a thorough cleaning in addition to what I do.
And after she comes, my husband, the one time she came, like literally walked across the wet floor
with his shoes. And so then there were tennis shoe marks on my brand new clean floor. And I'm like,
babe, you walked on the floor. I wasn't like yelling at him, but I was just like excitably
like. So anyways, ever since then, now he waits and ask, is the floor dry? And I'm using that
as a lighthearted example. But here's the thing I can kind of imagine. When they clean our house,
when they come in and help, it is the most clean probably like for that first couple of days.
Like, I'm not gonna lay anything on the counter.
I'm not gonna, I'm gonna put everything in its place.
And y'all, I don't have a messy house or anything,
but sometimes, like we traveled twice in the last two weeks.
We had tons of like three different events at our church.
We launched a brand new service.
So I walked in multiple times and just like,
the one night set stuff down here in my room,
set my suitcases down in there.
And I started putting stuff away,
but like, it starts to feel like chaos.
Cause I just, there's all this stuff I didn't put away.
So what I'm getting at is I wonder if I was a very like,
where I kind of, and again,
I'm not saying your mom obsessed about it,
but I've never been around anybody
that cleaned literally every single day.
And as a kid, we run in sometimes and we plot,
like we put something down or we take our dirty shoes off
somewhere we're not supposed to.
Or, and again, I'm totally just planting seeds right now.
Cause none of this may have happened for you,
but people that are very kind of adamant
about how clean something has to be,
even if they don't mean to,
may say something to a child
where that child might feel scolded
or feel like they messed up really big
when they didn't really mess up that big at all.
Does that make sense?
And again, that may not happen or have happened at all.
But again, I just think like planting some seeds for you
to kind of talk to the Lord about,
because there's this level of in what you shared,
the overwhelm is when you're afraid
you won't have a place for the stuff
that is currently around you
that you actually want to get rid of or put away somewhere.
And then the other last thing,
I promise this is the last thing.
I just, there were other things
that were coming up in my mind.
I kept forgetting to write them down.
When we live like that,
sometimes we will do the opposite thing
as a form of like kind of rebelling
against that way we were raised.
So not that you're doing it intentionally,
because it does sound like you don't wanna have the clutter,
but there might be a subconscious part of you
that's like, yeah, it's my house.
So I can have clutter if I want to,
or I don't need to get to that right now.
And that might be your inner self trying to break out
of the feeling and the pressure of always having to clean.
So again, planting seeds,
we'll see where the Lord leads you with that,
but pray into that.
Let's see what he shows you.
And again, like I'm excited.
I think that this is like, you're on the precipice.
I said that word this afternoon too, to somebody,
but I genuinely feel like that for you.
Like you're on the edge of the dots
being connected more for this, for you.
So let us know, okay?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Debra, Debra will be our last person tonight,
ladies, just FYI.
Go ahead.
Okay, I have two things that I consider major.
Tonight is the first time that I've ever told anybody
and I shared it with the ladies in the breakout.
And they're both sexual things.
The first one, I have no idea who initiated it,
when it was initiated.
It had to be at least in grade school,
but I have a brother that's 18 months younger
that has always been catered to.
And I had to give him,
or I felt like I had to give him anything that he wanted.
It never got to the point of intercourse,
but I would have to go past his room to get to my room.
And he would grab me and pull me into his room
and just rub all over me and just do whatever he wanted to.
He was athletic, he was bigger than me and he was stronger.
And when we were in junior high school,
he figured out and he asked me,
can this get you pregnant?
And I didn't know, I knew so little about sex.
I didn't even know that a man had to get hard.
On my wedding night,
it wasn't even consummated until the next day
that's how little I knew about sex.
And so that's when he stopped doing those things to me.
And then in my second marriage,
I know that I had my part in it,
but I feel like my ex groomed me
into a situation where we were swingers.
And I knew that wasn't right,
but I felt like I had to do something to make him happy
in order to maintain a marriage.
And then finally I got my fill of it
and I started standing up for myself.
And, you know, I so admired Trina's greatness, because it's a miracle that I didn't come
down with herpes or something else, or that I even am still alive.
I know that God has been with me, and many times since, I remember some things happened
to me in the first grade, but I know that the only reason I'm here is because of God.
One day, my ex told me that everything was my fault, and if I didn't believe it, I could
ask the doctor.
He didn't know I would pull his plug.
The doctor told me, first of all, he would never tell anybody that.
And then he pulled my ex's file out of his cabinet, opened it up, and he said that he
had something in his life that I knew absolutely nothing about that had absolutely nothing
to do with me.
He used to be a cop.
He worked border patrol.
He was a fire chief.
He carried a concealed handgun, and there's no telling what he was involved in.
But I don't know how much of it was me, or if I initiated anything.
Well, with your brother, is that what you're talking about with your brother?
Is that what you're talking about?
Let me ask you a question.
I think it's really important.
You said your brother was 18 months younger than you.
How old were you?
I don't know.
I think it must have started in grade school.
Okay.
So it's really important for you and everybody else to understand.
There's something about being under the age of accountability, okay?
It's really, really important.
Kids do not have the capacity to understand sexual things.
They don't.
So it sounds like something probably happened even before this stuff took place with your
brother, okay?
There had to have been some kind of exposure in the family, whether your brother or outside
of the family, something that your brother was exposed to that led him to kind of pursue
you in that way, or for you to feel like you couldn't tell him no.
And so I'm not saying for sure that something else did happen.
I'm just saying I would encourage you to pray into it.
And here's the other thing I think is really important for you to understand.
No matter if your brother was younger than you or not, like you're a kid, nothing that
you did caused that to happen, okay?
I really need that to sink in, Debra.
You were not, look, and I'm not saying kids can't do sexual things and be lustful, but
the reality is, is kids do not understand sexual things.
They don't know.
What's that?
Even at the junior high school age?
Yeah, I mean, I think as you get older and you start learning those things, yes, in your
body, but as a little kid, even when your body has a physical response, you don't even
know why that's happening.
It's very confusing to your body, to your spirit, to your soul, to your mind.
It does a lot of things in your psyche.
And so I'm not saying that we never understand.
I think that there does come a time where that age of accountability starts to kick
in because we start to learn what's right or wrong.
We start to learn in school what sex is.
Maybe if our parents haven't talked to us about it, we learn in school or from a friend
or whatever.
And then when we start to have that awareness and then we continue to do something, well,
then that might be something we have to repent for at some point.
But you know, just like now, okay, I just heard when I was in Austin, they just, someone
just said that in California, doctors do not have to tell the parents the kid's medical
information now at 12 years old.
Think about this.
If a child wants to make a medical decision for themselves now at 12 years old in California,
they can without their parents' permission.
Why am I saying that?
The enemy is trying to basically make kids accountable for things way younger that they
don't even know how to comprehend.
This mother that was being interviewed, she's like, my son doesn't even know what that medical
thing is.
He doesn't even understand what you're telling him.
And so what I'm saying is that there, yes, I think there's a
certain level of comprehension, maybe at 12 or even 13, depending
on what we're exposed to.
But again, just because we're exposed to something, just because
someone tells us what sex is, doesn't mean we understand the
depth of what it is.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I feel like you're holding yourself responsible for something
that I feel like God just wants you to open the gate and set
yourself free from.
And yeah, Claudia, I just saw your note.
And again, pray into this, but I just don't think that number
one, you're not responsible for what your brother did.
It doesn't matter what his age was or wasn't.
It sounds like he's pulling you into his room.
He's rubbing all over you.
He's having conversations with you like, hey, can I get you
pregnant by doing this?
It sounds like he had more understanding of it than you did,
even though you were older than him.
And it doesn't mean that, you know, like some of us, like I've
said even recently to someone, I think I'm just like naive or
something.
Like, I don't understand how, like when I met, when I was on
the dating app, I didn't know that people like, I don't remember
the term for it.
And when I say this, I don't want this to be linked to what
you shared.
But there was a couple that was trying to seek me to be in
relationship with them.
Okay.
I literally didn't even know people did that.
I had heard of swingers before, but I hadn't heard of like that
people literally wanted you to actually be in a relationship
like two women and one guy.
Okay.
And so I remember just kind of feeling like, oh, I didn't even
know like this thing existed.
I didn't know how to navigate.
I mean, I didn't continue talking to them or anything like that.
But like, I didn't know how to navigate that.
And so in situations like even this, the situation when your
ex groomed you and led you kind of really kind of dominated and
Controlled you into that situation and using the covenant of
marriage, keeping him happy as what was kind of leading you
into that, you know, there's even a level there of like, I'm
not saying we're not responsible, but I just feel like there's
a lot of grace Deborah because you know, if we're exposed to
things as kids and there's still this level of like innocence
and naivety, like we might not understand some of the things
that are happening and then before we know it, we're in the
middle of it.
And again, I'm not saying that we're not accountable, but I
feel like forgiveness prayer sheets would be really good for
you to forgive yourself.
Yeah, the forgiveness prayer sheets to fill those out.
Yeah, in the program.
So they're in week four.
They're also in your welcome section.
It's literally called the forgiveness prayer sheet.
And to pray and forgive yourself and just write out anything
that you need to forgive yourself for be very specific.
If you need to fill more than you know, the little paragraph
space that's there for you.
Just write it on the back until you're done and just really
let all that stuff kind of come out of you because it's time
for you to be able to move forward and not, you know, not carry
this stuff into your future and God wants you like, yes, of
course.
What if this information do I owe a prospective mate?
If I don't tell him am I keeping secret?
Well, I think that's when you get to that point God will show
you what you should share.
Okay.
I mean, I felt led personally to tell my husband about what
happened with my brothers in my past because it can impact
intimacy now and I was not I didn't feel right because you
know, I'm not close with my family.
It just wouldn't have made sense for me to not tell him because
he needed to kind of understand why I felt led to not be close
to my family.
And then I did tell him about when I was raped in college like
but again, you have to pray and ask God what what God is going
to lead you to do.
And know that if God leads you to tell a safe person, that's
really important, a safe person that you believe will be your
could be your spirit mate, then God will give them the grace
to handle it well.
Okay, so Brian, I was afraid to tell him the things that I just mentioned because my ex
and my past, when I told him about the sexual abuse, my ex-husband asked me all kinds of
details about it, re-traumatized me all over again.
When I dated the girl's dad, as soon as I shared with him about the abuse, he basically
kind of like, it was almost like he felt, it was almost like I was a leper, like he
hardly would like come around me.
And I didn't want to like have sex with him, you all, but like, I just wanted to feel close
to him.
But it was almost like he just, this wall went up and this barrier.
And so I was terrified to tell Brian, but God helped me through that.
And I told him and he handled it amazing.
He was so kind and so loving and grace filled.
And you all understand, like my husband was like saved at 16 and became a pastor at 16.
Like, I mean, he, it's not that he's never done anything wrong, but my past has, was
definitely way different than his.
And he said to me, cause I asked him, I just said, I don't really feel led to tell you
about all of my past.
These are the things I feel led to tell you right now.
And then he ended up saying to me, you know, he's like, I'm not, I'm not wanting to be
in relationship and marry who you were.
I want to be in relationship and marry who you are now and who you're becoming.
And so basically he was saying to me, I don't need to know all those details.
And even I, yeah, I mean, I definitely even chose regarding him.
I mean, I know he was married before.
I also know he was with someone else after that, that wasn't a super healthy person and
wasn't living a genuine, like, like walking in self-control.
And so I didn't feel led to ask him a bunch of questions either.
That's his past.
He is who he is now.
And you know, that's, that's the thing.
And so take some time in this heart healing process to really ask the Lord, what, what
aspects of your story does the Lord want to help you be prepared to share?
Yeah, you, you get to make those decisions with the Lord, but I don't want you to hold
back because you're afraid someone will not choose you because of it.
And remember, we can tell someone something without telling them all the details.
And if they start asking a bunch of details, I didn't know this back then, but what my
ex was doing was super unhealthy.
Really like kind of demonic, actually, not good stuff.
And so people don't need to know all the gory details of what we've been through unless
we feel comfortable sharing something in particular with them.
My ex, or Brian, excuse me, does it, I mean, he knows I was sexually abused.
But that's it, you all, I didn't tell him all the details and the level and all of
that. I just didn't feel like I needed to, it adds complication and all kinds of stuff.
Does that make sense?
Is that helpful?
Yes, very.
OK, well, thank you for trusting us.
We have a lot of courageous women in here.
It's pretty awesome.
And just know that for every lady in here, not just Deborah, but everybody, you know,
we're not tarnished, we're not damaged goods here, ladies.
OK, it's important that you remember that.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God says you are beautiful and that you are
going to be the crown to your husband.
He's going to be proud.
Yes, Lord, I feel that he's going to be proud, Deborah, that you're going to be his
wife. He's going to be proud.
OK, and ladies, for everybody else on here, your spirit mate is going to be proud.
Do you know that the Bible says when a man has found a wife, he's found a good thing?
And then there's also scriptures that talk about how he'll like talk good about you in
the city gates and like he'll tell people how awesome you are, essentially.
That's what a good man, a healthy man does, because they can recognize when someone is
a good thing. All right, so we're going to end on that note.
I want to encourage you all to pray into that, that you'll start to really let God show
you the jewel that you are and the value that you bring to the people that know you and
those that are going to know you one day.
You're not married yet.
You're going to be. I believe it by faith.
Father, we just thank you so much for this night.
God, I thank you for these precious women.
God, I thank you.
And I just hold.
lovingly, their stories in our hands.
And we just say thank you, God, for encouraging them
and giving them the courage to share with us, to trust us,
ultimately to trust you, God.
I pray that you would cover every one of these ladies'
hearts, God, protect them from any attack of the enemy,
including shame, guilt, condemnation,
for even sharing their story.
God, we thank you for peace that passes all understanding
that your Salem rest would be theirs.
God, we know that you're redeeming their stories
in their timelines to help them to see themselves
the way that you see them, help them to forgive themselves
so that they can move forward.
We thank you for continued breakthrough
and healing and revelation, one on the heels of another,
on the heels of another, that there
would be these and suddenly moments
that they would have an acceleration in their healing
process.
We just thank you, Lord, that you're working all things
together for our good, just like in Genesis 50-20,
what the enemy intended for evil, God,
you worked it in Joseph's life.
You worked it all together for good.
And I would declare that same truth to be ours.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Ladies, we love you.
And I look forward to hearing your stories in the group.
Amen.
That's right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
God bless you all.
I'll see you in the group.
Have a good night, everyone.
Bye-bye.
Bye.