All right.
I would love to know what is the biggest breakthrough that you got during this book club?
Go ahead and put it in the chat.
What was your aha moment?
What was the thing that you think is going to, the thing that you think is going to serve
you the best out there in the dating world?
Let's see that tonight is our last night together.
And so I want to make sure that we are jumping in strong.
We're going to do a Q and a here.
So if you had questions that you want answers to just hang tight, we're going to have all
of that in just a few minutes.
All right.
Patterns.
People are like, I'm learning my patterns.
I'm learning about myself.
It's important.
You guys got to take a good look at ourselves because otherwise you're just going to blame
everything on everybody else, right?
Everybody else's fault.
It's not our fault.
It's everybody else's fault.
Learned my scripts.
Learn what scripts you're running.
And you guys remember those five scripts are not all in all.
They're not all encompassing, but you're probably running a script similar to those five, right?
It's similar.
For instance, the independence, it could also be a boss babe script gentlemen that the independent
script can also be, you know, I just, I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready to have a dependent.
I can't have a dependent.
A lot of men think of women as a dependent, right?
And because of that, a lot of men don't think that there are to a place in their life or
they used to be to a place in their life and then something happened.
They had a health concern, possibly they got married and then they got divorced and now
they think that they're not in a place where they can have a dependent again.
But I just want to let you know that a marriage is not about dependence.
I know that's what we say on our tax forms, but it's not about dependence.
In fact, gentlemen, I'm going to tell you something kind of shocking, but I'm going
to go ahead and say it out loud because I think it's important.
A red flag when you're dating is a woman who's broke.
I know we say that the other way around.
We're like, Oh, Hey, you know, let's not date broke men.
And that is true.
Do not date broke men.
Do not date people who cannot be financially responsible.
Now, case in point, there are people that when you meet them, they may be going through
a rough season.
And so you don't look just at what's happening here.
If they match your non-negotiables, if you have really great compatibility, if they are
marriage minded and they're going through a rough place in their life, maybe they had
a divorce and because of that, they had a bankruptcy.
Perhaps they lost a job.
Maybe their job was replaced by AI just recently.
And now they're trying to figure out how to make it go because the job that they have,
the thing that they went to college to do no longer exists.
And so now they're trying to figure out how to reframe themselves in the workplace.
It's not about someone having a rough spot.
It's about a history of your responsibility.
It's about a history of mismanagement.
And that's not something that you can see right away.
That's something that you're only going to find out about in small increments.
And so that's why it's really important that we are not giving people the rest of our lives
in the first 30 days.
We're giving people the next 30 days in the first 30 days.
Does that make sense to everybody?
Please don't be getting engaged after 30 days.
This doesn't usually end up well.
It doesn't go well.
The first 30 days, you are just taking in data, taking in data, enjoying yourself, getting
to know the person.
The next 30 days is when you really start to dig in with the harder questions.
Like, hey, why do you drive a Pontiac from 1995?
Why is that your car?
And you might find out like my husband, it sounds like a joke, but this is really true.
My husband was driving this car that he bought with cash because he went through a divorce.
And when he went through a divorce, his cars got repossessed.
Because guess what?
In order to live above your means to the level that they were living above their means, you
need both incomes, not just one.
And so when they lost a two-income household, they also lost their cars and their big house.
It got foreclosed upon.
They filed for bankruptcy.
They were young and they were dumb and they bought into the American dream of living above
your means.
And it wasn't good.
Now, my husband's not like that anymore, but he was in his mid thirties when I met him.
He had gone through a divorce two years earlier and he had to buy a car with cash.
And so he was driving a 1990 something Pontiac.
Or was it a Buick?
I don't remember, but it was ugly.
It was like a little old man car.
And it had like, you guys, you know a car is old
when the seats look like the couch in your house.
You know, when it has that level of comfort.
You guys remember the old cars?
It's like, they wanted to put the couch
from our house in these cars in the 70s, 80s, even 90s.
And so that kind of really thick velour seats,
you know, that feel like your barco lounge
or your lazy boy at home.
Anyway, you're not going to be asking those harder questions
until the first 30 days.
But going back to my original statement,
it is a red flag if someone is broke
and that is their MO, okay?
They don't have money.
I always say this,
gentlemen, if you don't have money to treat a woman
to a lunch or a, you know, a respectable dinner,
it doesn't have to be a five-star Michelin restaurant.
And if she wants that, next, that's a red flag.
That's a huge red flag, okay?
And so, you know, in order for her to be a gold digger,
you got to have some gold to dig.
So you probably, you know, but at the same time,
those are red flags if that happens.
But if you don't have enough money
to at least be chivalrous and offer to pay for the date,
then you probably shouldn't be dating.
Ladies, same thing.
If a man, you could be out with a man and he can say,
hey, you know, I want to go half, I want to go Dutch.
And if you don't have the money to pay for half your meal,
instead of, you know, cussing him up and down the street,
you should ask yourself, why don't I have half to pay?
Why don't I have the money to pay for half my meal?
Not that most men ask that, but I'm just saying,
if you don't have any money,
that means that you're probably thinking
a man is your financial plan.
A man is the meal plan for the future.
And guess what?
We don't live in those days anymore.
This is not the 1920s, it's the 2020s.
And women have jobs now.
And so you gotta be financially responsible.
You need to be out there earning your own money.
Most men that are healthy want to partner with a woman
who has something going in her life.
Not because they want to live off you,
but because they want to partner and build with you.
And if you're not someone that can partner and build,
because you've not shown that in your own personal life,
then that's a red flag.
And that's what I coach my men.
You don't want a woman who just wants to live off of you
and is just waiting for a man to come and marry her
so that she doesn't have to worry about money anymore.
That is not, that's not it in 2026.
Even if you do decide to stay home, ladies,
you're in that age bracket
where you want to stay home and have babies.
Even if you do, you should have something to show
for your life before you get partnered.
Okay, you're not teenagers, you're not college age people.
You should have something to show for your life.
And if you don't, that is the first thing
when you get out of this book club
that you should start working on.
You should start working on building your own life
to a place that someone would want to partner with it.
Because I can tell you this,
just in the last month I've helped bail two women out
of toxic, abusive marriages,
and they did not have the money to leave those marriages.
They had little children,
they didn't have any money of their own.
The man had all the money.
He was the breadwinner, he was the provider,
and they had no money.
They didn't have money for a lawyer to fight for custody.
They didn't have money for an apartment.
They didn't have money for a deposit on an apartment.
They didn't have family to help them.
They went into those marriages, into those situations,
thinking that, you know,
oh, this man's just gonna take care of me.
Well, until he doesn't.
So it's only protecting you
to make sure that you have your own things, your own money.
And people ask me this often,
so I'm gonna go ahead and insert this here.
When you get married later in life,
and I mean old enough to have had a career,
old enough to have some assets of your own,
I'm 100% for prenuptial agreements.
I'm 100% for them.
If you've built something of your own,
especially if you have children,
make sure that you have a trust.
Make sure that you have a prenup.
If you have something and the other person's coming in
with hardly anything, whether it's a man or a woman,
you might have more ladies than the guy that you're marrying.
Yeah, he's a hard worker, he's a diligent man.
You just make more than him
because you have a career that pulls down six figures
and he doesn't.
He has like more of a blue collar career and that's fine.
And you know what?
Blue collar careers are gonna start skyrocketing
now that we're in AI world.
The plumbers and the electricians,
ladies, if you never looked at blue collar guys before
because you're like, no, I want a white collar guy,
think again.
You better go get you a hard working man.
You better go get you a man that knows how to build things
and he's a construction man
and he owns something and does something.
You know, if nothing else, he can build you a house
when the whole world goes crazy out here
because I'm on the cutting edge of AI.
I have a company that works with the people
that create the AI in other countries.
like Thailand and Japan and Singapore. And I'm telling you guys, we ain't seen nothing yet.
And so blue workers, blue collar workers. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Invest in that. That is good.
But once again, prenuptial agreements, I'm not against them at all.
You guys can, if, if, if God forbid, you end up getting divorced and people do,
people do get divorced. If God forbid you get divorced and you can split whatever you
created together and built together in the marriage, but whatever you built before you
got into the marriage, I don't think there's anything wrong with protecting that. And
if someone gets upset about that, I think that they, I think that you need to take a look at
that. That's a yellow flag for me. That's a yellow flag. If someone wants to get married to you
and have access to everything that you have ever built, just carte blanche, not that they're not
going to have access during the marriage, but if you guys got divorced, they would want to have
access to everything that you built. Cause remember prenups don't come into play unless
you get divorced. And so they shouldn't have any problems signing that because they're not going
in thinking that you're going to get divorced. And why would they want access to everything that
you built? If they're not going to be with you, that doesn't make any sense. All right. So if you
disagree with that, you're allowed to disagree with me, but I will tell you a lot of people
ask me about that. So I want to make sure that I weigh in on that. Okay. Jackie, so you're okay.
If you have like a joint account and then a separate account of your own money, if you're
like getting married with money or have like, or just the security of having your own money.
No, good question. Daria, my, when I say prenuptial friends, I'm not talking about
separate accounts and spending money willy nilly. Look, you need to be able to, you know,
merge households and merge money. I'm talking about assets. So if you have houses, if you have
properties, if you have a 401k, if you have an inheritance, if you were married before and your
husband or wife passed away and you have their pension or you have, you know, life insurance or
whatever it is, you don't have to. I'm not saying you don't share that during the marriage or,
you know, use that money to buy things in the marriage or different things. I'm talking about,
if you get divorced, you have a piece of paper that you both signed before you get married,
that says that if you get divorced, all that stuff that you came into the marriage with,
whatever's left of it and whatever you haven't used, it's yours. They don't get any of it.
Okay. That's what I'm talking about. Now I do know marriages that have, um, you know,
joint account and then separate accounts and those marriages that I know, that I know that
have that, I'm sure there are people maybe that do that well and they get along well,
but the people that I know that have that, they're kind of have one foot out the door
in their marriages. You know, they've never really learned to trust each other. Cause remember,
this isn't about trusting, protecting assets is not about trusting because that prenup
only comes into play. If you should not continue to be married now in the marriage,
I think that you should definitely, you know, provide for each other and help the marriage
succeed in whatever financial way that needs to happen. Okay. Hopefully that clears that up.
All right. I'm not going to take Q and a first yet because I got off on a tangent here,
but I want to talk about becoming the matchmaker. Um, someone's like, I don't have anything,
so I don't need a prenup. I don't have nothing. And that's fine. If you don't
have anything that you think you want to keep, if the marriage didn't work out,
if my man has tons of money, where do I sign? Y'all are, y'all are silly.
I just updated my trust. You guys trusts are great. Especially if you have children or
grandchildren trusts are really wonderful. Look into that. Um, okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay.
Going back up to the things that people learn. Sorry. I'm on such a little computer tonight.
People enjoy the break from the apps. You had permission to get off those apps and be like,
no. And here's the thing. You don't have to get back on the apps just because the book club is
over. If you've enjoyed being off the apps, if your nervous system is regulated, if you feel
more hopeful than you did before, stay off the apps. You absolutely don't have to get back on
them. In fact, it's summertime. And so the more that you can get in person with people, the more
people that you can meet up with in person, I think the better. And so I'm 100% for you staying
off the apps. If that felt really good to you. All right, let's talk about, well, first of all,
I want to go ahead and tell you guys this in your email, either tonight or tomorrow,
you're going to get a rollover email. For those of you that are not in last year single,
but you want to join. And let me tell you what, it's never been a better time to join.
We're close to 2,000 success stories in the last six years,
and we are coming out with a whole new program
that includes community-based matchmaking.
It's an app.
It's not like a dating app.
It's completely different.
And we're gonna talk about you being the matchmaker
for yourself and for others tonight.
This is the last part of the book club,
but it's gonna help you to do that.
It's gonna help you do that in real time,
and I'm just so excited about it.
We had a two-day meeting, all day, both days, last week,
getting all the final bells and whistles ready
for that new era of last year's single,
and I'm so excited about it.
So you guys get, you don't have to pay $297
to join the program, and here's a little hint.
It's gonna go up to $497,
and so you get to go in for $37, $37.
And listen, if you don't like it, you can quit,
and you don't ever have to pay another $37,
but you're gonna like it, aren't they, Cheryl?
They're gonna love it.
They're never gonna wanna leave.
Allison's like, yes, I'm there.
I'm in last year's single.
Let me see the hands of the people
that are currently in last year's single.
And you're like, and remember, you guys,
this new era belongs to you guys, too.
What I'm talking about is all for you as well.
It's not just for the newbies,
but look at all these hands.
Look at all these hands, all right.
So you guys, the more the merrier,
and especially with this new era, the more the merrier,
because I believe that somebody knows somebody
who knows someone who knows your spirit mate.
And the only way that we're going to cause
the tsunami wave of marriages
that God showed me back in 2020,
2000 is great, but it's not enough for me.
I'm greedy.
I wanna see everybody get married.
I wanna see everybody have a love story.
I will never settle.
People are like, Jackie, that's the most amazing thing.
That's so many success stories.
They're like, wow, and I'm like, yeah, that's great.
I want more.
I've gotta have more.
I got this today, you guys.
I want more of this.
I'm just addicted to it.
I can't help myself.
I'm gonna show you.
I just got this right before I came on here.
See if you guys can see that.
This couple just got married over the weekend.
You guys, we had two couples get married this weekend.
So this couple, Johanna and Steven,
they just got married over the weekend.
And their little sign that they're holding up
in their wedding picture says,
thank you, Jackie and David and team.
Cheryl, thank you.
You guys, I want more of this.
I wanna be invited to your wedding.
I'm not gonna come because I can't.
I can't go to all the weddings, but I wanna be invited.
You can send me a piece of cake in the mail, all right?
I do keep all the wedding invitations.
I have them in a shoe box and I just,
I love it, you guys.
I love it.
I can't think of doing anything more rewarding with my life
and I'm gonna start crying.
I want you to have the lineage and the legacy
that God created you to have.
And I'm gonna fight for it.
I'm gonna fight for it for you and with you.
And we're gonna see that tsunami wave of revival marriages,
kingdom, and kingdom marriage and family
restored in the earth.
We're gonna see it.
Did you guys know, I just saw the study
that just came out a few days ago.
By the year 2030, that's just four years from now,
millennials, people 25 to 45 right now
are going to be over 50% single.
It's a real thing.
And the amount of single people of every generation,
you know, boomers, Gen X, millennials, Gen Z,
the amount of single adults has never been higher
in the history of humankind, okay?
And so it's really important that we understand
that remember, remember book club session one,
we're not fighting something inside of ourselves
as much as we're fighting a system,
a system that we inherited,
and that together, if we will work together,
we can overcome.
We can overcome it together.
But we have to share our opportunities with each other.
So if you get a date, this is what,
here's your new motto, okay?
We're gonna talk about being the matchmaker.
Remember, look for that rollover email.
If you don't get it, you can email us,
admin at JackieDorman.com, and we will send it to you.
That offer is only gonna be good
through the weekend, through Sunday,
and that is when we'll also close your book club.
So not the materials.
You'll have access to those for another,
is it 60 or 30 days, Cheryl, 30?
60.
So you'll have access to that,
but I'll stop answering questions this weekend.
So get all your coaching questions in.
I'll continue to answer them through Sunday,
and that is also when that rollover offer
will be off the table, okay?
So make sure, 37 bucks, you guys.
Cancel any time.
Love it. You're going to roll right over into last year's single,
which means that app that you're on for book club,
you're going to all of a sudden other things are going to pop up that have been
there all the time, but you couldn't see them.
Other little groups are going to pop up for your heart work and to go into
supernatural Saturday and all the different things. And so, um,
really take advantage of that if you can.
So let's talk about being the matchmaker. Here's your new model.
Ready to write it down.
You're going to play matchmaker for yourself with all of the things that you
learned in the book, in the book club,
you're going to go by your non-negotiables.
You're not going to be afraid to just say, yeah,
this person's not right for me, but if this person's good,
then here's your motto. Get one, share one. I'm not talking about polygamy.
It's just a joke. And I talk about polygamy. Will's like, dang it.
Now listen, I have never met a sane man who wanted more than one wife.
One is plenty.
One is plenty. Women,
women can be a lot. Okay. So get one, share one refers to this.
If you go on a date and you apply everything you've learned here,
and you still know at some point, maybe it's not the first date,
maybe it's not the third date, but somewhere in there, you know,
this person is not going to be my person.
I'm not going to end up married to this person. You're not gonna,
no longer are you guys going to start keeping relationships?
Cause you have a scarcity mentality.
You're not going to get into gray zones with people that you're not compatible
with. But if you really think this person's a quality person,
I want you to think of someone else that you can share their contact with,
that you can introduce them to all of you should have read through the end of
the book. So you see how to do it, how to make a warm introduction,
how to make a good introduction.
What is the criteria making a good introduction? So get one, share one,
get a date. If it doesn't work out for you, share that date.
You might know on date one that they're not right for you. You're like, okay,
Jackie, what's the scenario that on date one,
I wouldn't even give them a date to if they're 10 inches
shorter than you.
I mean, I'm all for marrying a short King, but we have our limits ladies.
I'm five 10. Okay. I married a man who was five, eight,
but he's stocky. He's stocky. So I still feel like a girl. Okay.
But I couldn't go to five, six. Someone might be able to,
but not me. What's another deal breaker on date one. And you're like, Jackie,
that's a preference. Not really a preference.
I can't go around looking like I'm someone's mama. That's not,
that's not right. I can't do that. Okay. Um,
another thing would be you meet them and you realize that they have,
you know, something that you just can't hang with.
It's just, you're non-negotiable. It doesn't mean that they're a bad person.
It just means that there's something like, for instance, they're long distance.
And they can't move because they are either taking care of an elderly parent or
they have a shared parenting agreement with their spouse or their former spouse.
And they can't move.
And neither can you because you also have something that causes you not to be
able to move. And that means that if you know someone in their area,
you could introduce them, right?
Maybe they're in full-time ministry and you get on a date with them and you find
out that they have committed to this full-time ministry position and they pastor
church or something like that or whatever.
And that's just not your vision for your life. And you don't really,
you don't feel like that is something that you can compromise,
but you do know someone who would love to be in full-time ministry,
who would love to just have ministry as their livelihood and already maybe is
doing that. That's a perfect match for them, right?
Some of you have a non-negotiable that you're still young enough to have
biological kids and you really want biological kids and you're still young
enough to have them and you want them. And this person, they have a vasectomy.
They're not willing to reverse it.
And or they have grown children and that's a non-negotiable for them.
They just don't want any more small children. You know,
we're not going to fight people on that.
People have strong opinions about this if that's really how they feel about it.
Don't think that they're just going to change their mind later because they
really love you so much. Let's not roll those dice. Okay.
Let's just go ahead and introduce them to someone who's also done having babies.
Is that cool?
I've seen that blow up in people's faces too many times where the person's like,
ah, you know, I don't know. I really don't want kids.
And then they date for three months, six months, a year,
they end up getting engaged. And then the question, you know,
then the conversation comes up again. First of all,
it shouldn't have taken that long to come up again. But when it does,
they're like, yeah, I've really decided I don't want any more kids.
How do you marry someone when they told you that they were kind of open to it?
And now a year later, because you've never had the conversation again,
they're not, and you're about to marry them. Well, guess what?
Those folks didn't get
Mary, they broke off their engagement
because it's non-negotiable for her.
But she also didn't ask, what script was she running?
She didn't ask until after they were engaged, a year later.
They talked about it at the very beginning,
never talked about it again.
What script was she running?
Yep, chill girl script.
Oh, I'm not gonna rock the boat,
I'm not gonna make waves, everything will work out,
I'm not gonna say anything about my needs or my wants
or what's important to me, nope.
No, no, no, okay.
So we're gonna play matchmaker for ourselves
by using the boundaries and guardrails
that you learned in this book,
being able to just say, no, this isn't it, quickly.
Not based on your feelings or emotions,
not based on, oh, there's no spark, no, based on real data.
Who feels confident to do that now?
Without being scared, without having scarcity,
without having FOMO, come on,
let's see the hands of people that feel really confident
that they can weed people out pretty quick.
Even if you like them, within the first 30 days
of dating them, you feel like at that 60-day mark
or somewhere along there,
you're gonna be able to get to the nitty gritty
of whether or not this is going all the way.
About 18 of you.
And there's 82 people on here, okay.
So let's start our Q&A right there.
So let's go ahead and start taking questions.
Cheryl, if I miss any, go ahead and fire them off to me.
But let's talk about why you might not feel that confident
to play matchmaker for yourself.
Lily's like, I'm getting more focused.
Anna's like, I literally don't know any available men.
You don't know them now, Anna,
but you're gonna start knowing them.
And guess what, you can only have one.
And so if they're not right for you,
then they're probably right for someone else.
All right.
Usually maybe too fast, okay.
All right, so let's start talking about
what do you think is going to be the biggest hurdle for you
now that you've kind of learned the information,
you saw the playbook for modern dating,
you saw the path to success that I laid out in the book,
what do you think is going to be the thing
that gets in your way still the most?
What do you think?
Is it your capacity?
Is it trying to discern their capacity?
Do you feel like you're just too nice
and you give people too many chances?
Do you feel like you still fall in love too quick?
You just, you're so addicted to that chemistry
that you ignore everything else
and you just go in real fast.
What do you think is still going to be the thing
that you need to be held accountable?
Even though you know the real deal now,
you're still gonna need to be held accountable.
I want you to answer that in your first breakout.
So Cheryl, we're gonna put them in breakouts.
You're gonna discuss that with each other
and then we're gonna come back
and we're gonna talk about being matchmakers for ourselves
and others a little bit more and do Q&A.
So let's go ahead and put some breakouts in.
Remember, you're being honest.
You're being honest and saying,
hey, this is where I still really need to work
when I get back out there.
This is what I'm gonna need to be watching out for.
I sleep with one eye open watching this area of myself,
making sure that I don't keep up the bad patterns.
Is it having a crush on someone and never telling them,
never shooting your shot, never taking a chance?
Is it never going out of the house?
Is it you can't meet anyone
because you're never gonna go out of the house ever?
You're not?
Is it that you don't really like what you see in the mirror?
Can I tell you something about the body
that you're in right now?
You're in it.
You're like, yeah, Jackie, I know.
No, you're in it, meaning it's not who you are.
Your body is not who you are.
You're a spirit that lives in a body that possesses a soul.
And I want you to feel really at home
in the house that you're living in.
That body is your house.
It's your earthly house that you're living in.
And a lot of you are at war with your own house.
Seriously, imagine going into the house that you live,
the apartment you live in, the condo you live in,
the van down by the river you live in, wherever you live.
Imagine going into that place, that location,
and literally being at war with it,
being in a fight with it.
Imagine that.
Instead of making it homey and comfy and your refuge,
imagine being in there and just being on guard,
just ready for it to try to destroy you
or you're gonna try to destroy it.
Well, that's how a lot of you are with your bodies.
You're at war with your body.
You're not comfortable in your body.
You look in the mirror, you hate what you see.
What you see in the mirror is not you.
You're a spirit.
You're a spirit and a soul that lives in a body.
And so here's what I have to say.
If you walked into your regular house, condo, apartment, RV, and you didn't like it, it
wasn't comfortable, it made you sad, you'd do something about it, wouldn't you?
So that you could live in peace.
And so that right there is an invitation for somebody to start living in peace and making
peace with this earthly home that you're living in called your body.
And that's what some of you are being held back by in the dating realm.
You don't like you and you don't think anyone else is going to like you either because you
think you is what you're looking at in the mirror.
But you is your essence, it's your spirit, it's your heart.
Ladies, the most valuable thing that you have to offer a man is your beautiful feminine
heart.
And gentlemen, the most amazing, wonderful, attractive thing you have to offer a woman
is your masculine heart.
You have to start seeing yourself through that lens.
And for those of you that roll over into last year single, the heart work is the very first
thing you're going to come into contact with when you get there.
All right, let's put them in breakouts.
What's going to be your biggest obstacle?
What do you need to be held accountable with?
And when you get back, we're going to take some Q&A.
For how long, Jackie?
Let's just put them in there, put them in groups of three to four and let's give them,
it's 741.
Let's give them about, no one talk over each other.
Let's get short, brief and powerful answers.
We'll give them eight minutes, maybe 10 if you take too long.
All right, friends, welcome back.
Welcome back.
We're going to talk about this for a second.
Cheryl, just let me know that the very last piece of material in your course tab in your
app is don't let this moment die and also the rollover link into last year single lives
there as well.
So you don't just have to look for that email.
You can go right to your coursework, go to the very last thing in week five's coursework
and you'll see don't let this moment die.
And that is where your rollover link will live.
And I hope you guys all really think about joining because with the advancements in technology
that have happened, we're going to be able to do so much more than we ever were able
to do before as far as connecting people to each other.
So very excited about that.
All right.
So I was talking to Rebecca, she got kicked out of her room.
So she was hanging out here with us for a second.
And she is from West Michigan, the Grand Rapids area.
Gentlemen, if you if you're interested, ladies, if you know anyone, she is 5'10".
Okay, so she is a sturdy girl like me, but she will take 5'8".
And that's as low as she's going to go.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
So she did say that the thing that she's probably going to have to watch out for the most is
not becoming the disgruntled dater again.
Anybody else rowing that boat with Rebecca?
Let's see it in the chat.
Not losing hope, not getting a bad attitude, not getting back out there and saying, look,
did I shave my legs for this?
What am I even doing here?
Mad, mad at the world, mad at God, mad at men.
And you guys, I really want to encourage you.
The way you're going to stay out of that is when you remind yourself that it's the system
that's broken.
Because a lot of times we become the disgruntled dater when we think that we've been rejected,
right?
When we think that there's everybody else got picked, we didn't get picked.
We got rejected for some reason.
God forgot about us.
And I know that there's probably some people in this book club that are not necessarily
spiritual or believers or Christians, but the majority of you are.
So let me talk to you about this from a God lens.
A lot of people do believe in the proverbial waiting room where God just leaves you until
it's your time for whatever you're waiting for, marriage, a baby, a job promotion, anything
good to happen in your life.
And it just isn't true.
And a lot of that, if you're that kind of person, who's just waiting for God to bless
you and give you the things that you've been praying for and the things that you desire,
you're going to get completely cured of that in the first part of last year single called
the heart work, because that is not the way it works.
Faith without corresponding action is dead religion.
And if you've been stuck in dead religion, we're going to help get you out of there.
I believe the desires of your heart are not just a promise of what God has for you.
They're an invitation to what God has for you.
And that looks like action on your part.
And being here is part of that action, but let's not let that momentum die.
Okay.
This can't just be a moment.
This has to be momentum.
And the way you're going to keep momentum is what Rebecca was already talking about.
You're never stuck on the outside.
You're only stuck on the inside.
So it's about what you believe.
It's not about what's true or not.
It's about what you believe is true.
And if you believe that there's no good men left,
then guess what?
There's not.
If you believe that there's no one in your area
that you could possibly be attracted to, then there's not.
If you believe that no one's gonna want you
for whatever reason, A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
then they're not.
A lot of times we're waiting for someone to come
and make us believe something different.
No, we've gotta believe something different so they come.
Do you hear me?
I've lived my whole life by this, you guys.
I used to be a professional victim.
There are no trophies for trauma.
And I realize that all of you wanted to have
an amazing partnership probably 10 years ago,
15 years ago, maybe since you were a little girl or boy.
And I understand.
But guess what?
It's not too late unless you say it is.
Our oldest success story in last year's singles
is 81 years old, but I just heard about a success story
not in last year's single where she's 95 years old.
Way to go.
Way to go right at the wire, let's go.
All right, that wasn't a first marriage,
so don't get scared.
You're like, oh no, Jackie.
I'm gonna get married in the old folks' home.
I just know it.
No, you're not, okay?
But remember, if we're waiting for someone
to come and rescue us,
then we're probably going to attract a thief.
Anytime I've met a woman who was waiting for a man
to just come in and disprove everything that she believed
about herself and marriage and men,
she always attracted someone who seemed like
he was a good guy on the outside,
but never was on the inside.
So you've got to change your mindset
so that you attract the right things.
Don't be waiting for someone to come change your mind.
You change your mind now so that the right people come.
Amen?
Can anyone get on board with that?
Okay, all right.
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and open the floor up for coaching.
If you have a coaching question
that you can ask in 30 seconds or less,
I'm gonna call on you
and we're gonna do a popcorn round of questions.
Allison, do you have your hand up?
This is a question I've asked before,
and I don't know if you have any data on it,
but my question is,
do you find that there's more fraudulent matches
for older people on the dating sites?
Because that's almost all I've gotten.
I will say that I believe that older people are targeted
more than, you know, so let's say 50 and up,
maybe are targeted more.
I think that the reason why is not what you would suspect.
I don't think that they're targeting you
because they think that you're old and desperate
and you'll just take whatever and you'll believe whatever.
I think the reason why people 50 and up are targeted
is because they assume that they are not as savvy
with technology as the other people, okay?
And the way that you combat that
is just being as savvy as you can be with technology.
You know, we teach in last year single
what to watch out for with scammers.
We're actually about to update our online dating course
so that you know all the new AI scams
that are out there right now.
And so you can just say, thank you next, okay?
So here's the good news.
The good news is that the quicker that you shut down
the people that are fakers, that are scammers,
that are just trying to get you to fall in love.
And you guys are signs right away.
They're love bombers.
They come in really quick.
They used to have broken English.
It sounded terrible.
Like, oh my gosh, who is this person pretending to be
because they can't even speak English correctly
in their writing.
AI has fixed all that.
Now they sound great.
They sound like a regular person
but they're creating intimacy way too quickly.
They're creating, you know, some sort of rapport
or some type of emotional connection way, way, way too fast.
As soon as that happens,
especially if you haven't had a FaceTime with them,
you've not seen them in person, they don't wanna meet up.
They always have an excuse.
You gotta be like, no, that's a scammer, okay?
That's someone who's up to no good.
And just bless them and block them, y'all.
Don't tell them, oh, you're a scammer.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Bless them and block them.
Just done, gone.
Okay, Allison?
And I know that, you know, I shouldn't have to say this
but I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
Never, ever, ever, ever give anyone any money.
I don't care if they promised you the world.
I don't care if they can't get to you
because their car broke down and they need money to fix it
so they can come and take you on a date.
Get out of here.
Does that even make sense?
All right, if they're on an oil rig
in the middle of the ocean
and they just don't have access to their bank account,
no, never, ever, ever, ever, ever for any reason
or gift cards, what is this scam?
Oh, I'm in trouble
and they'll only take gift cards as payment.
Come on.
I was born on a day, but it wasn't yesterday, all right?
Let's get out of here. Okay. All right, friends, we can, we can together, together,
we can keep each other safe. And if you have any doubt, show someone else, show someone else,
tell someone else. That's what I love about last year's single community is that no scammers or
spammers or narcissists or crazy people make it through the gauntlet of last year's single.
Because if you don't see the red flags, we definitely will. And we will tell you. All
right, Amelia, you're up. Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay. Hi. Um, my question is, I, I feel like that
I am optimistic and have faith about my future and what God is going to bring me. But it's really
hard to get dates from the dating apps, like to move from the dating apps to actual in person date.
Yeah, it really is. And here's what I want to tell you guys. Look, there's millions and millions
of people using dating apps, and that's why we got to use them as a tool. We can't let them use us.
We have to use them. It is a good tool if you use it correctly. And the way you use it correctly is
you go ahead and you apply what you've learned in this book club to your online activity. Meaning
if this person is not trying to move towards a date and just the first couple conversations,
then all they want is attention. And it's okay to go ahead and bounce off that conversation
to a next one, because I hate to say it this way, but I'm going to say it this way.
Success on dating apps is all about numbers. Remember it's a slot machine. And so it's
important for you to, to use it at its own game. Meaning that the more, the less that you keep
putting tokens or quarters into a slot machine, that's not going to hit the better chance you
have of getting one that is. And so it's important that you just jump off that profile.
They're not interested. They're not coming on a date. They're not inviting you out. They don't
want to see you in person. If they're interested in getting to know you and seeing you, they will,
they they'll help move that conversation forward and go ahead and ask for it. Whether you're a guy
or a girl doesn't matter. Just say, Hey, you know, this is a final conversation. Let's continue it
in person. It's easy you guys. And if they say no or make excuses, thank you next. So Amelia,
I want you to employ that because there are really good people on the apps. You just have
to weed through all the other people. And the way that you do that is quickly.
So what people do is there's even one little spark of like conversational chemistry. You just
stay there forever, just flirting back and forth and giving them the attention that they want
when they're not relationship minded. Why would you do that?
This is a relation. This is a dating app. That's supposed to lead to a relationship.
It's not a talking app. It's not an attention app. And so if that's the way that they're using it,
let's get moving forward. And the first time, the first sign that they're not there for the right
reasons, as far as like sexting or, you know, sending you nudes, or this one guy was like,
do you want to see my wiener? And she was like, Oh my God, this is one of my success stories.
She's married now, but we, you know, we helped her weed out these kinds of guys. And she's like,
I can't believe that you blah, blah. And then he sent her a picture of his wiener dog.
But I promise you, if she would have been like, yeah, baby, let me see your wiener.
She would have got to pick up a whole different wiener. Okay. So if someone's fishing,
let them fish in a different pond. Amen. Just go ahead and bless them and block them. And ladies,
you don't have to lead them to Jesus. Okay. You don't have to be like, can I tell you about your
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? No, you don't have to do that. You don't have to tell them why their
behavior is bad or why they should be ashamed of themselves. You could just bless them and block
them. Why are you wasting your time on them? Honestly? Why? All right. Let's just do that,
ladies. Okay. So Amelia, I want you to report back. You start doing this. You start using your,
you know, using your framework now in these conversations and just weeding through them
faster. The faster you can get through the ones that are not interested in relationships,
the quicker you can get to someone who is. And then of course, always be meeting people in
person and always be using your advisory circle of six degrees of separation. Okay.
Yes. Well, dear, thank you. Yes. You're good, honey. Listen, it's going to happen. You guys,
I'm telling you, these programs are supernatural. We don't just do this because it sounds like fun
because it's not fun. Dating's not fun. None of this is fun, but we're all here because something
is shifting and hopefully you feel that. All right. Next up is Danielle. Let's go.
The word wiener is just hilarious. I know wieners, right? Wiener dog.
Okay. So, oh, you got me cracking up. Here's my question. A vulnerable statement. My record is
not the cleanest. And so what are your thoughts on talking with people about their records?
And is it clean? Is it not? Is that more of a preference? Are you talking about?
Criminal record right now?
Criminal record, yes.
OK.
So that is something that you, you know,
here's the thing, you guys.
If you have something that you know
is probably, could be on someone else's deal breaker list,
it's OK to bring that up in the first 30 days,
especially if you're vibing.
It's not fair to super vibe with someone
and they're really getting into you
and then you tell them something that
could be a deal breaker for them.
Now I'm going to tell Danielle and anybody else who
has one of those topics, it's not going to be a deal breaker
for everybody.
It's definitely not going to be a deal
breaker for your spirit mate.
And that's kind of how you're going to know, right?
I remember when I told David, my husband of 20 years,
when we went on our very first official date,
I told him that I had some mental health issues.
I told him that, you know, I had been struggling
with some mental health issues for quite some time.
I was on some medication, you know,
that I had been hospitalized, you know, and stuff.
And for some people, that'd be a deal breaker.
They'd just be like, yeah, I'm not
into dealing with any of that.
But for him, it wasn't.
And guess what?
It ended up just being my abusive marriage
was my mental health issue.
Because, you know, once I was fully divorced
and everything was over with, guess what?
My mental health issue pretty much went away.
All right, so the bottom line is,
is that tell them within the first 30 days.
You're like, but what if it's an STD, Jackie?
Yeah, if things start getting romantically involved
in the first 30 days,
meaning that you know that they're really into you
and you know that they really like you.
And, you know, you might've even shared a kiss by then.
It's important for you to let them know that
because if they find that out later,
they could be upset, right?
And so, yeah.
So Danielle, I don't care.
You robbed a bank, whatever you did.
The bottom line is, is that, you know,
there's a man out there who's gonna love you.
And it doesn't, he's not gonna judge you
for whatever happened in the past.
The past is the past.
But you guys, some people don't have grace
for stuff like that.
Like say you used to have an addiction,
but you've been clean for a long time.
You've been sober for a long time.
There are still people who they're,
one of their non-negotiables is never will I ever
date someone who ever had an addiction.
And so it's fair.
It's fair in the first 30 days.
Not the first date, please hear me.
Not the first two dates, not even the first three dates.
But if you're vibing and you know this is going somewhere
because you know it is,
that's when it's appropriate to go ahead and say,
hey, you know, before we get too far into this,
because I can tell that we really have a lot in common
and a lot of compatibility in chemistry.
I think that it's only fair to tell you this.
And then you do.
Cool?
Now I have a juvenile record,
but it's been sealed by the courts.
No, I'm just kidding.
David San Antonio, 30 seconds or less.
What do you got?
I really, I was in juvie friends.
It wasn't good.
Jackie, speaking of mental health.
So like I stroke and I have autism,
have some mental health issues.
I still live at home.
My parents is struggling financially.
Like I'm wondering if I even belong in this program.
I mean, learning is cool, but you know,
I met you at the thing in Austin,
the anniversary party or whatever that was like.
So what do you think?
I think David that I do remember meeting you
at the anniversary in Austin.
And that was almost a year ago now.
And I do think that there's a place in LYS for everybody.
And I think the men's program,
especially in the heart work and in, you know,
dealing with some things that may be keeping you stuck.
Remember, we're not stuck on the outside.
We're stuck on the inside.
So autism isn't what has you stuck.
Maybe what you have been told about autism has you stuck.
Living with your parents is not what has you stuck,
but maybe some of the reasons why you live with them
and why, you know, your belief systems
and your mindsets and your heart postures.
And so joining last year's single
and really digging in with the men, I think would be good.
Really digging into some coaching and, you know,
getting it at what it is you need
in order to become the higher
and healthier version of yourself.
Do I think, if you're asking me,
do I think that a woman that's healthy
is going to want to partner with a man
that still lives at home
and maybe doesn't have any money or a job?
Probably not.
But I do think that those are things
that are solvable for you.
You're not, you know, you're a young man,
you know, you're a handsome man.
I met you in person.
You got a lot going for you.
I want you to focus on what you have going for you
and let's figure out how we can get more going for you.
How about that?
Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
Sound good?
Okay.
By the way, if we notice some women in here we like
and we can't find them, can y'all find them for us?
Well, I think we just said
that we're not going to really be looking
for women right now.
Right?
I mean, we don't have to find any of them.
They're not lost.
They're right here.
So, but if you ask.
asking me if we're gonna make an invitation
or matchmake from this community.
No, we're not, so.
And you guys take note of each other
because if you email us and say,
hey, can I have the email address of so-and-so
in the book club, privacy, we can't give it to you, okay?
So, but you can see who each other are in here.
You can easily find each other on social media.
Let me say one thing about that.
If someone approaches you from anything that I do
and it's a no, like you're not interested,
definitely take no for an answer
because we run a strict ship around here
in Last Year Single, and if anyone is harassing anyone
or not respecting people's no in boundaries,
then we boot them on out.
And I will tell you, and I'm proud of this,
in six years, Cheryl, I think we've only had to boot out
like what, five people in six years?
Not very many.
So you guys, I'm talking to Cheryl
because she's part of our LYS team
and she's been around for, since the beginning almost.
Okay, Marisol, you're up.
Boundaries, friends, good boundaries.
My question is, can we have a mix of men and women
in our advisory circle,
or does it have to be somebody of the same sex?
No, 100%.
If you have a man that you trust
that could help you introduce you to other men
and or weigh in on a man that you meet or are dating,
I think that's amazing.
Okay, awesome.
That was my question.
Thank you.
Great.
Okay, Susana.
Oh, hi.
Okay, I was just trying to post my question on the app,
but it's not letting me.
So I would rather just post it there than share here.
But for some reason, I try many times,
I even send an email, but they told me to,
they replied and told me to do it through the app.
But it's hard.
Is it something you can ask here,
or do you need to just post it because of privacy?
Yeah, I'd rather post this.
Okay.
All right, so Cheryl is helping you?
She sent me an email,
and I explained that the app is not letting me
post the question.
So I don't know what should I do now.
Okay, then just email us the question,
and I'll just email you back and answer it.
I did.
I emailed the question.
Okay, then I'll see it, and I'll answer you.
You guys, if you're still waiting for questions
to be answered, even in the app,
the app was glitching bad.
I think that we have the developers figuring that out,
figuring out the bugs of why it was glitching.
But I answered all the questions,
but some of the answers just disappeared.
But I went back through and answered them again.
And so if you're still waiting on an answer
between now and Sunday,
you will definitely have an answer to your questions, okay?
Marlee.
Hi, my question is that I tend to get messages
for men who are 12 to 15 years younger than me.
And my first response is that I'm very skeptical,
and I don't even answer.
I'd like your take on it.
Well, remember, we're gonna apply all the rules
to find out whether they're scammers
or whether they're up to no good.
But I will tell you that there is a thing
a trend kind of right now
where a lot of women are marrying younger men.
I've never seen anything like it,
but it definitely is happening.
And so I'm here for it, honestly.
But at the same time, you're gonna have to make sure
that you're applying the rules of scammers
or men that are trying to manipulate,
make sure that you're doing that so you're safe.
But at the same time, men are really bad judge of age,
just first and foremost.
And it's very possible that they think
that you're their same age, or they're just attracted
to women that are a little bit more mature than them.
So those are all possibilities.
And then them being scammers
or up to no good is also a possibility.
So you gotta check it all out.
Now, I will say this about dating apps, you guys,
and there is exceptions to this rule,
but I see them very rarely.
So please believe me.
If someone reaches out to you,
and the pictures on their profile
are way out of your league,
gentlemen, if the lady is way out of your league,
like it would be a miracle if a woman that young
or that hot, you know, the kids are calling them baddies.
If she's such a baddie that you're like,
oh, I can't believe this, then don't believe it
because it's a scam.
Ladies, same thing.
If he looks like the picture that you take
out of the frame that you just bought, use caution.
Use caution.
I'm not saying that you can't pull
a really hot guy like that,
but if you never have, then please use caution
because that is usually the first red.
flag in the situation. Okay, iPhone, you're up.
If you had a lot of trauma from your past, but you've been like
working through it, you're in therapy, you're doing EMDR,
you've done heart work, you've read the books, you're working
through it with the Lord. At what point, like, are you healed
enough to be in a healthy relationship so that you're
attracting the energy you're actually looking for and putting
out there rather than getting someone who matches the trauma
from before?
Yeah, really great question. So here's the thing, I think that
we can only do so much work on our own. And so much work
outside of relationships. So I've always taught this, I've
taught this since the beginning is that, you know, we're hurting
relationship, and we're also healed in relationship, hurting
family, healed in family, hurting marriage, healed in
marriage. And so the future relationship that you have out
there is going to be part of your healing. And you're never
going to really know where you still have work to do, unless
you just go out there and try. You know, I'm saying, so if you
get back out there, you're dating and you start seeing and
remember, you know, you have to ask God, teach me, show me, heal
me, grow me. That's my favorite prayer from last year single.
It's a prayer that I pray all the time. Say God, you know, if
I if I start getting triggered, show me why if I start operating
in an old pattern of, you know, ignoring the red flags, you
know, too hot, too fast, all the things, then show me where that
root is coming from. You see the fruit clearly now, right?
Hopefully you have that level of healing where you can see the
fruit that you don't want in your life. Now we have to find
the root. And there's no better way to do that than trial and
error out there in the dating world.
Okay. Okay, that thought is still terrifying, but okay.
I know it's terrifying. But here, you don't have to go far
into these relationships if they're not the right thing. But
if all of a sudden you see, oh, I'm only attracting this kind of
person, then that's where you go back to the prayer board. And
you say, Okay, God, I'm only attracting this kind of person,
the person that, you know, says that they want to meet up, but
then they just they never respond. They never actually
make the plans. What's up with this? You know, am I is there
something that I need to be doing? You know, or thinking
about myself? Or is there something that I should just be
doing sooner in the situation to vet this out? So I don't get
disappointed. You know, friends, this is all data. I want you to
get to a place where you don't take any of this personally.
Because all it is is information that helps you see your
patterns, and helps you see the path to success. Does that make
sense to everyone? Take our egos completely out of it. Okay, got
to take our ego out of dating. Because there's a lot of broken
people out there. And we already know there's a broken
system. And so if we're going to be on the apps, or we're going
to go to singles events, or speed dating events, like one
girl, you know, she's crying her eyes out, because she finally
got out there. She lost 174 pounds. So proud of her
incredible, amazing. She lost an entire grown man in weight. She
looks great. She's out there. She put herself out there. She's
dating. And, you know, after the speed dating event, the speed
daters, they email you if anyone wanted to, you know, meet
you or take it further, and no one was interested. But that's
not the win. The win was that she got herself out there,
right? Isn't that the win for her? And the win for you could
be that you don't stay, you know, three months in a
relationship that's not heading anywhere, because you can spot
it. Now. The win for you could be that you don't go on a second
date with someone who, you know, is disrespecting your
boundaries. Maybe the win, I'm just meddling now. But
sometimes, you know, I am a Christian, for those of you that
aren't, you know, love to introduce you to my friend
Jesus. But, you know, Holy Spirit sometimes breaks into my
consciousness here. And I just really feel like saying that
some of you the wins gonna be that you don't sleep with the
person in the first month. And I know that we're all just like,
Jackie, who would do that? Somebody? That's somebody's
pattern, you know, and no judgment. We all do. We all we
all have things that are still connected to, you know, the
hurting us the traumatized us the us that's performing for
other people trying to get them to love us back. And, you know,
so you guys, we're all going to have different types of wins.
And so my friend that I was just talking to get out there
and get some wins because even if you get new information about
where you still need healing, a wins a win. All right, Susan,
what do you got?
Hi, I actually have a date tomorrow with someone who's 14
years younger than me. So speaking of this whole young
trend, I'm getting asked out by guys like
15 to 19 years younger than me all the time.
But they're actually more assertive and aggressive
than like the guys my age.
So I'm-
And in person, you're going in person.
In person, yeah.
You gotta date.
Yeah, like we've been on the phone for a few weeks
and he's very mature.
I'm the most impressed out of like the last year
being on dating apps, I'm the most impressed with him.
So I'm open, but that leads me to my question about prenup.
So I definitely need a prenup.
And how soon do you bring that up?
I wouldn't bring that up
unless the relationship's getting serious.
Okay.
Because I mean, yeah, you're for Jimmy,
you were a junior high when he was born.
And so, you know,
you probably have accumulated more things than him.
Not always, you know, some of these young guys,
you know, they're hustlers.
They get out there, they make it happen.
But how old are you?
Just curious.
44.
Okay.
Wow.
He's 30 years old.
He's 30, yeah.
And I actually went on a date with a 25 year old on accident
because I didn't realize, and he was so hot.
I'm not gonna lie.
And yes, I was very flattered.
Someone from the gym.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, so are you a believer?
Are you a Christian?
Yes.
Okay.
Is this guy a Christian?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, like he liked the Christian things
I had on my profile and he's like wanting a wife
and he really liked everything I wrote about the Lord.
Okay.
Well, hold him to that because, you know,
he's got high testosterone.
Hold him to that because I will tell you,
and this is not necessarily for this guy,
but one of the trends, I didn't say this before,
but I'm gonna say this now.
One of the trends in, you know,
younger guys liking older women is cuckoo Mrs. Robinson.
It's pornography and it's, you know,
the fantasy of an older experienced woman.
And so not saying that's happening here,
but definitely ladies watch out for that,
especially if you're, you know,
a well-maintained put together older woman.
Like I'm 51 years old.
So, you know, when my kids were in high school,
my kids are in their twenties now,
but when my kids are in high school,
I was in my forties and the boys in the school,
and this is how I found out about this pornography trend.
It was like, guys know that song,
"'Stacey's Mom Has Got It Going On."
Well, that was, my daughter was Kaylee.
"'Kaylee's Mom Has Got It Going On."
And she's like, mom, all the guys in my grade,
this is like 11th grade.
They're like, they're always asking about you.
And I'm like, oh, that's so gross.
And so anyway, ladies be safe.
We hope this is a great, Susan,
there's nothing wrong with marrying 14 year olds younger,
if, you know, he loves God and he's super mature
and it's awesome.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, be careful out there.
All right.
Let's see, is Sigi, Sigi, how do I say this?
Sigi.
Sigi, I-
Sigi, yes.
I love it.
Okay, is it German?
Yes.
Awesome.
Are you aware, are you in Germany right now?
Yes, it is 3.23 here in the morning.
Oh my gosh, that's my daughter's birthday, 3.23.
You are so committed.
Lord bless her.
Okay, what's your question?
Well, about chemistry and intimacy versus,
what was it?
Intensity.
I'm seeing this guy.
Well, we went on one date
and I'm starting to feel a bit attracted to his soul,
but not to his body.
So far.
And I remember you talking about, you know, fixer uppers
and I don't, I mean, it's pretty fresh
and he could be a fixer upper, I'm not sure,
but I don't want to lead him on.
So I'm a bit unsure.
Well, here's the thing.
And ladies and gentlemen,
all of us that are old enough to know better,
we know that bodies start to break down when they get older,
especially if they haven't been maintained.
And some people didn't have a lot to work with
in the first place, you know,
as far as conventional attractiveness.
And so when it comes to our type, it comes from chemistry.
You've only been out one time in person, right?
Yeah, one time for a date.
And one time I stopped by because I was on the road
for like 10 minutes because it's long distance
and I was in the area.
So I saw him twice.
Okay, but you do like him as a person.
You do feel attracted to, okay.
So you guys, what I'm saying is,
is that this doesn't usually apply to men.
Men usually need there to be, you know,
some kind of certainty pretty quickly.
Most men tell me that they knew within the first few dates
that that was the woman that they wanted to pursue to marry.
But for women, men can grow on us more, okay.
As far as personality and, because once again,
you know, there's, you know,
there's a situation where we can help them with the outside
if they haven't, you know,
if they aren't dressing that great or, you know,
they just, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Now, the only way, the only reason that I'd say
that there'd be a caveat here
is if someone really hasn't taken care of their health
and it's just really a turnoff.
It's an ick if someone just, you know,
they just let themselves completely.
go and they're unhealthy in a lot of ways, you can love their personality, you can love
their sense of humor, and you can still be really put off by their, you know, their lack
of care for themselves.
But if it's just that they're not your type, and it's not just what you a lot of people
run into this, this isn't what I pictured for myself, this isn't what I pictured myself
dating, or this isn't the person that I pictured being attracted to or being with.
If that's all it is, you can overcome it.
But I wouldn't give it too many more times.
Because it's long distance, though, it's going to be harder, because you can't be in person.
How long distance are we talking?
It's one and a half hours by car.
I definitely would try to get back in person at least one more time, maybe two to see especially
if there are things about him that you really enjoy as a person, because you'd be amazed
at what you could become physically attracted to as long as it isn't, like I said, someone
who's just let themselves go.
Yeah, well, I'm going to visit him this Saturday, and we're going to cook together.
And he's actually, I guess he's a good cook.
And he offered me, I'm moving in August, and he actually offered me to help me build up
my kitchen.
In Germany, when you move, there's no kitchens in apartments, you have to buy your own kitchen.
And he offered me to actually come and help me for a week.
And I'm like, wow, this is really generous and nice.
And I thought of you, you know, how men express their love by helping, you know, fixing the
cars and stuff.
So yeah, he's really serious about helping me.
And he's putting himself out there.
So I don't want to lead him on, but I really like him.
I don't think it's called leading him on.
Okay, so here's what you need to do.
So when you see him and you're cooking together, and who knows, I could be super sexy.
And then you could be like, oh, yeah, I like him.
And I like him.
All right.
So just let him know that, you know, you're more of a slow burn, that you don't really
know how you feel about him romantically.
It's okay to say that you're, you're, you know, the jury's out on that, but you're enjoying
getting to know him.
And that's you guys, it's all about communication.
No one needs to get their feelings hurt or their hearts broken.
They only get their hearts broken and their feelings hurt when we don't communicate where
we are.
And so it's okay for her to communicate that.
And if he's still when he knows that she's not head over heels with him, yet, that if
she communicates that and he still wants her to help her build her kitchen and all that,
then she should let him because one of two things are happening here.
This is a love story that's a slow burn, and it's going to get there.
And or God is showing her what it looks like to be cared for by a good man, you know, to
be supported by a good man.
And some ladies, some of you ladies really need that you've never experienced a good
man.
You've never experienced someone coming and supporting you and helping you.
And so just make it a win-win.
Sigi is my singing, right?
Sigi, Sigi, like a Sigi.
Yes.
That's how I'm going to remember it.
That's what we used to say when we were like 10th grade.
Okay.
So just, you know, just make sure you're paying it forward with him, you know, like you're
also being very kind to him and it's just going to be a win-win.
So I don't think that you need to decide anything yet.
Just be very honest about where you are.
Did I communicate that for me, it's not exclusive yet, or do I not need to communicate?
Is he exclusive with you?
I don't know.
I see him active on the app, but he's very attentive.
I don't think that if you, I don't think you need to bring that up because he hasn't brought
it up.
And that's a male dominated conversation, right?
You guys want a man wants to be with you.
He's going to ask you to be, you know, whatever, to only see him, to be his girlfriend.
I mean, girlfriend, isn't that ridiculous?
You guys, girlfriends are for high school, but we don't have a better word for this.
We don't have a better word for this right now.
Okay.
We're out here in our fifties talking about girlfriend, boyfriend.
Okay.
He's very freshly divorced, actually.
Okay.
Well, he's, you know what?
It sounds like he really enjoys you and he's investing in you right now.
And I would just, let's just see where it goes.
I don't think you need to say, Hey, I'm still seeing other people.
He hasn't asked, so you don't have to tell.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
I have two more here.
Elizabeth Stewart.
Go ahead.
Hi, good afternoon.
Um, I dropped in the chat regarding, uh, just curious your thoughts on dating someone who
is in the process of divorce, but not fully divorced yet versus don't date at all.
Don't date that person until they're done with that.
So just curious your feedback.
Okay.
So here's the thing in a perfect world, we wouldn't date anyone until they are fully
legally on paper by the courts, by the laws of the land divorced.
Okay.
For those of you that are Christians that are not having sex with people outside of covenant marriage,
I think that sometimes there are situations where people's divorces take a really long time
to be discharged. In America, it can take up to two years, depending on where you live. In Canada,
it can take even longer. And, you know, those people are not living together. They may have
been separated for years before they even filed for divorce. So I've had situations where this
person has not been with their former spouse for five years. They were separated, legally
separated for years. Then they were, you know, in divorce proceedings with bankruptcies and child
custody things. Just know that if you do date someone, I'm not going to make a hard, fast rule
here because you have to decide, is this person healed? Have they done the work? Have they been,
you know, are they just rebounding? That's on all of you to decide. You know, the people I don't,
but I do know that there are some specialized situations. Do I think it's a sin to date
someone who's, you know, legally married? No, because covenants are broken when abandonment
occurs. Covenants are broken when people say and decide to break them. They're not broken in,
you know, American courts by case numbers and separation of assets. They are broken before God
when they're broken. And so in my opinion, this can go really wrong when someone is not healed,
when they are rebounding, when there's all kinds of drama with their former spouse,
and it can be just fine if, you know, if it's an amicable divorce and you're just waiting for
legalities to, you know, T's to be crossed and I's to be dotted. So I don't want to answer that
black or white. I want to just put the ball on your court to really do some deep, you know,
question asking to find out where that person is and what's really happening.
Thanks. You're welcome. All right. And Danielle, what's your question?
It's about finances and kind of non-negotiable versus preference. But at this point in my life,
having a prior career, a business and assets, whereas I did not have this 10, 12 years ago in
my life when I was dating in my twenties, I really struggled to admire a man who makes less money
admire a man who makes less money than me. What would you say to that?
I'd say that I get it. And you're at an age bracket where we want to have seen someone we
want to see someone to, we want to see someone have already achieved potential, right? Because,
you know, you're, we're not, we're not teenagers. We're not in our college years. We're older than
that. But I will say that it's not really about what a man has earned or what he has. It's about
where he's headed and it's about what he's working on and where his passions lie and what's his plan.
Friends, all of you, without exception, I don't care how old or young you are,
you're partnering to build with someone. And so let's make sure that we're on the same page about
what building looks like, that we have the same desires to build. Okay. And so you need to match
that. You don't have to match seasons. You know, your guy may be in a season where he's not fully
developed his full potential yet, but he's headed there because he's a hard worker. He's diligent.
He has a plan. He has purpose. He's working towards those things. That to me is more important
than how much a person has in the bank. You know, my husband was in a really rough spot when I met
him. Remember he got with the divorce and the bankruptcy and he had the clunker car and all
the things, but he also was a hard worker. He was very divinely masculine, mature marriage-minded.
He was a great father. He had great work ethic. He's so talented and he was working on building
some things. He's an entrepreneur. We had the same hearts in a lot of ways. And guess what?
We've built a lot of amazing things together. So let's make sure that we are measuring the
right things and not the wrong things. Makes sense. All right, you guys, we are at time 834.
If you had a question that didn't get answered, please just go ahead and put it in the app. I will
be answering up until Sunday. You guys, thank you so much for joining me for Modern Dating
Sucks Book Club. You will have access to all the materials, all the replays, all the way until
August, the end of August. And please make sure that you take advantage of that. Look in your
resources or your coursework for Don't Let the Momentum End or Don't Let This End or whatever
it's called and Rollover. Also look in your email for Rollover and Last Year's Single. I'd love to
see you there. I will be answering any questions that are in the app up until Sunday. And then as
of Monday, the question community portion of your app will disappear. Okay. And then everything else
will be there for replay. I'd love to see you in our community. I'd love to see you in Last Year's
Single. I'd love to see you and help you matchmake yourself and others. And so I'm just going to pray
for all of you. Father God, I'm so thankful for your sons and daughters and for their time that
they invested in their own love stories. I pray God that they would have the courage.
to co-write love stories with you, that they would no longer be waiting for you just to write it,
that they have courage to co-write it. They have courage, Lord, to step out,
not just to put themselves out there, but to put themselves out there confidently
as a matchmaker. You are the ultimate matchmaker, but we are all matchmakers.
We're the junior matchmakers that work with you, partner with you, agree with you on who we are
and what you have for us. And so, Lord, I pray that they have the confidence to do that going
forward. I pray that everything that they've learned here is put into practice. They don't
come out of this book club dating the same way that they did, that they're very readily see
their patterns and see the things that are sabotaging them and tripping them up so that
they can overcome those obstacles and step into the love story that I know you've had for them
all along. And so I thank you for it. I pray that all those that should go forward into last year
single and to heart work that need to do maybe some deeper work, get out of their own way,
get out of your way that they go ahead and take a chance with that. Everybody else, father,
I pray they'd be spotlighted by heaven and that they would meet their spirit mate soon
in Jesus name. Amen. All right, friends. Thank you so much. I'll see you soon.