WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. It is already Tuesday, July 21st. It is our one o'clock

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Eastern call for phase two, Love Story Accelerator, last year's single. So good to see everybody

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here. I think we've got some more people jumping on with us. So, so good to see everyone on.

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I don't see any brand new ladies, I don't believe. If I'm mistaken, please let me know.

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I definitely want to know if you're brand new here, if this is your first time in phase

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two. No worries, Nancy, if you're just getting out of the shower. You don't have to turn

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your camera on for that if you don't want to. We just definitely, you know, I think,

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I don't know if you've ever been on a supernatural Saturday and Jackie has given us this warning

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before about not having our cameras on if we are changing and getting dressed, because

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there, I guess, have been times where that has happened. I don't ever recall a time,

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but then again, when I'm on supernatural Saturday, I'm usually laying in bed and I don't like

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having my camera on. Sometimes I'm always worried it pops on and then, like, no one

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needs to see me, like, laying in bed. But so, yeah, no worries. So get yourself ready.

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And then once you're ready, you can you can put your camera on if you need to. All right.

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So all right. Good, good, good. I'm seeing more people join. Fantastic. I got nobody

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putting their cameras on. So everybody must be at work or getting ready. Something. Oh,

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I see. Is it Sarai? Sarai, I haven't seen you in a minute. I'm on summer break as a

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teacher. So I have a couple of about a week and a half left before I have to go back to

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work. So, girl, it's so good to see you. Oh, I've missed you. Thank you, Laura. I appreciate

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it. My hair was pretty greasy today, so I curled it. That's kind of what I do if I don't

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want to shower my hair. I shower. I just don't like to wash my hair. It's a chore. So I appreciate

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it. But let's go ahead and get started. I don't want to take up so much time in this

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beginning portion. I definitely want to be mindful of that. That's definitely one of

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those areas that I always am trying to grow in because you ladies know I can definitely

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have a lot of words. So let's go ahead and get started to make sure everyone is muted.

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Hey, Sarah, good to see you. She's on camera for me, too. Thank you so much. She just came.

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She must have just come back from Greece. She was like traveling the world and showing us

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the pictures and making me jealous. It was beautiful. Okay. So yeah, I definitely want

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to get started. Let's go ahead and start off with some housekeeping real quick. I don't want to take

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up too much time. There's really no new information. But for the sake of replays and if anybody's

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brand new, we definitely want to hit those things. I don't think anybody needs an introduction

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of who I am. But if you are in replay, I am Carla Johnson. I am one of the coaches here

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at Last Year Single. I've been with Jackie since the beginning of the whole movement

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here in 2020. So I was where you're at, where you're sitting, and I am a success story.

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So I'm coming up on a three-year wedding anniversary here in September. And then I've been coaching

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now for, gosh, it has been almost close to three years. So once we get me through that

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three-year wedding anniversary, pretty quickly after I got through all the wedding planning

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and the wedding and Jackie officiated our wedding, I then jumped into the coaching seat.

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So I didn't have to get kicked out of the program. But it was a blessing and an honor

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and a privilege to be able to be asked to do that because this community was such a

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blessing to me. God just did some pretty incredible things through what Jackie was

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obedient to and what he was just doing in this movement and is still continuing to do.

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That just being able to pour that back in and walk alongside all of you has been such

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an honor, such a blessing. It's been such a growing opportunity for me and God is still

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continuing to use the hard work for me in so many areas.

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And so, I'm so, so grateful for that.

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Modern Dating Sex Book Club, that was underway on Sunday.

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So, I think some of you ladies are in that.

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Super excited for you.

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I know when you all are in that, you are being asked to not date.

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So, if you jumped into Phase 2 and you're like,

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and you're like, yay, I get to date.

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And then you've jumped into the Modern Dating Sex Book Club,

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then Jackie's like, nope, you're not dating.

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Don't worry, okay?

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Like, hang tight.

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You can stay in Phase 2 while you're working through the book club.

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And then, once you get, once you finish the book club,

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you can then jump into dating.

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But that doesn't mean that you don't get to participate in Phase 2 during that time.

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You can still come to lives.

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You can still participate.

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I know a lot of you ladies, even those of you that are open to dating,

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and there's no, you know, you're not in the book club,

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maybe you are putting a pause on dating for right now.

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Or you're still working through a couple things with the Lord,

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and He hasn't released you to start dating yet.

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And so, that's totally fine, too.

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That was me when I was in this community.

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It took me a hot minute to get myself out there and start dating.

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God had other things and other areas that He was growing me in.

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And so, it didn't mean that I couldn't apply the things that I learned in heart work.

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And that I wasn't able to absorb a lot of the content that was around dating

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and what other women were experiencing.

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Because Phase 1 is where you're learning the heart work,

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and you're applying it to yourself and some of the things that you maybe had in your past.

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But Phase 2 is when you actually start applying what you learned

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and start utilizing what you've learned.

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And so, that in of itself is really, really valuable.

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Because one thing that you'll learn is that heart work never ends.

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And even after marriage, ladies, I can tell you,

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you're going to still use these heart work principles.

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Because it's not just for your dating relationships and your marriage.

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It's for all relationships.

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So, you might not be dating right now, and that's fine.

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You can still use this in all your relationships.

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Work relationships, family relationships, friendships,

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maybe your parenting and your kid relationships.

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All sorts of things, okay?

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Even with strangers, okay?

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Getting to know people.

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So, I don't want you to think that you cannot participate if you're not dating.

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One thing, ladies, if you could do us a huge favor.

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We had another update in our app.

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I don't know if some of you have updated your app.

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I did, and for some crazy reason, it did not like the update.

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My MacBook didn't like the update.

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My phone has never liked the app.

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So, I've always done it on my computer, and I just recently switched to a Mac.

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So, for whatever reason, there's just been a little bit of a challenge.

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But regardless, if you've made a post, and you are waiting on a coach to respond,

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and we haven't responded, please make a separate post,

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because we might have overlooked it.

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It's not our intention to overlook it.

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I really do diligently try to make through.

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I'm combing as best as I can.

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One of our admin buttons in the update is now drawing a blank for me.

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So, I'm like, ah!

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So, I'm really having to do a lot more scrolling.

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So, I don't want to miss what y'all are sharing.

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And it is really important to me that you all are being coached well,

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and that you are being seen, and loved, and heard.

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And I really, really do want to steward that well.

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And then, if we've commented on your post,

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it's really helpful for us to know that you've seen it if you reply back to us.

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Okay?

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That is so, so helpful.

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That at least makes me know, like, oh, okay.

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So, she did see that I responded to her.

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Okay?

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Then, if you do respond to us, and there's another question,

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or you want a little bit more feedback to that,

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because I do know sometimes we'll ask questions and then you'll come back with another question

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and we miss that somehow go ahead and post make another post say hey Carla or Ebony I responded

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to you in my last post will you go check it out I've had several ladies do that this week and

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it's been super helpful okay resource tab ladies please make sure you're checking that out we've

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got one-on-one coaching if you want to hire one of the coaches here at last year's single

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it is an additional charge it's not included with your membership fee but many women find

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it very useful very helpful if that's something that you are feeling led that you feel you know

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that might give you an extra boost that option is available we also have in the resource tab

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for you ladies that have been in phase two work through the contact have been here at least five

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to six weeks and you're like okay I'm ready to move to phase three it gives you all the

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instructions on what you do move phase three okay so make sure you check that out when we get to our

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live coaching portion of the call today if you didn't get to ask your question last week

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please let me know because I want to make sure that I get your questions kind of first I want

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to make sure that I'm really trying to rotate who gets to ask their questions so we're not hearing

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from the same like I don't mind that we're hearing from the same people and over and over again

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I just want to make sure that we're not skipping the same people and listening to the same ones

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over does that make sense I want to get to as many as I can okay um but if I didn't get to you

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and you're like okay Carla I've had my hand up for the last couple weeks and we've run out of time

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I want to really make sure that we get to you okay so and then if we somehow don't get through

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all the calls or all the calls all the questions all the hands um that doesn't mean that we can't

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still coach you just put it in the app okay that's and ladies make sure that you're checking

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out other people's posts and you're like scrolling through and you're reading um so yes thanks Laura

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Laura's had some one-on-one coaching sessions I know several I've had several coaching sessions

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with some ladies here in phase two some ladies that are even in phase three I have several that

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you know just repeat um and it's been really really helpful but again it doesn't mean that

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that's mandatory okay it is helpful if you feel like you need it um and one last thing I think I

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had um someone do this for me last week and I know I don't think Kaylee's able to jump on today she

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was my helper last week if someone could just keep an eye out on the chat for me I want to make

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sure that I'm not missing anything important any important questions so if there's anybody

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that can do that and unmute if I've missed something or overlooked something feel free

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to interrupt me and say hey Karla there's a question in the chat and and we haven't gotten

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to that yet if you could help me out with that I really want to make sure that I'm not missing

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anything there um I I tend to do that because I'm focused on getting us through the content so we

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can get to the questions um and I also know especially on this one o'clock call I have a

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lot of ladies that are working and so they can't unmute so they have to be responding in the chat

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and so I don't want to overlook that okay so if I can have an extra pair of eyes helping me out

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with that that is huge huge huge and helpful okay all right um looks like we've got 18 ladies plus

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myself on that's fantastic all right ladies I'm gonna go ahead and pray for us we're about 15

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minutes into our call I feel like I'm making good time yes I gotta I gotta I gotta take the small

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wins ladies I gotta take the small wins all right well let me go ahead and start praying for us

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and then we will get started hopefully today won't take too long and we will have so much time

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for some questions I see lots of ladies on today lots of ladies I don't typically get to see so

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I'm excited for that and again if you're brand new please let me know that you're new I don't

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want to overlook you I want to welcome you for sure all right so Heavenly Father I just thank

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you so much for today I thank you that you are bringing us together for another Tuesday

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Lord continue to meet us in every single moment the ordinary moments the difficult moments

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the frustrating moments the 10

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moments, the soft moments, all the moments, Lord, and that you're using them to

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transform our hearts. Lord, I ask that you just help us see more clearly what

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you've entrusted to us and what we've unintentionally been carrying that

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actually belongs to you. Give us courage to obey, wisdom to discern, and Lord, just

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the peace to trust you with the things that only you can do. Teach us, show us,

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heal us, and grow us. In Jesus name, amen. All right. And Lucy, I see you, girl. I

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know you're not new. And I know, hey, and that's another thing. I think there was

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someone else that was like, that came in the app and was like, Hey, I've been

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absent for some time. And, and you know, I want to encourage you ladies, if that

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is ever you, and you're beating yourself up, not, not, I'm not saying that you do

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that, you know, that anyone does that, but I don't ever want any lady to feel

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like we have to explain why we had to step away. It happens. Life happens. We

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have to make, we don't have to, you know, give the reasons why we don't have to

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feel bad. We don't have to carry that. We understand. Okay. I was in this program

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as well, and there were just times that life happened. I was a single mom, single,

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single mom. And so there were just times that I just couldn't make it to a call,

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or I just couldn't, I had to step away for a minute. And so just know that I

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would rather see you take a moment and step away and then come back. I'm excited

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to see you come back. All right, ladies. And if that is ever holding you back,

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like, Oh, I know I need to, but I can't because I haven't been there in a while.

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Ladies don't let that ever hold you back. Like be encouraged to be like, I'm, I'm

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getting in it. Like, I gotta get in it. Like, we get it. Like I totally, totally

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get it. Um, I have all people, 100% know. All right. So ladies, I want to celebrate

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a lot of the things that I saw this week. Um, it's kind of like what I've, I'm

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starting to learn that I like to do. Like after we pray really, it's really

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important to me to, um, just look at our week overall and just use that as

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encouragement. Um, I think that's just so valuable. I think, you know, we live

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in a world where it's so easy to kind of look at the negative, you know, you turn

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on the news and it's always something like doom and gloom, or even when we're

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dating, it just, it's so easy to focus on the things that are not happening. But I

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really want to start our calls with shifting things off, like look at what is

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happening and let's recognize that. So, you know, I saw a lot of things this

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week. I saw a lot of women just stepping in a courage and, you know, just getting

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honest and, and, and telling truth, not just their truth, but God's truth. Um, I

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saw people not rushing through things, really being conscious about slowing

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things down. Um, I saw a lot of women being open to asking those deeper

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questions, really, really like saying, okay, here's what I'm dealing with. Now

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these are some deeper questions that I'm also tugging with. Or if us coaches asked

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you some deeper questions, you actually took those questions to heart and came

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back with some of those responses. And so that was really awesome to see. Um, I

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saw a lot of people choosing obedience over the outcomes of things. Okay. It's

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so easy to want to get caught up in like, I just want the outcome to be what it is.

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But God is sometimes like, that's not what I'm calling you to do. I'm calling

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you to do this instead. And, you know, I don't know about y'all, but that, that is

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always a stretch for me. Um, I love that. I'm also seeing more invitations of

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inviting this community into this process. I was actually just messaging with Ebony

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and Bethany the other day. And I'm like, I.

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I have just been so like overjoyed to see the engagement in this community.

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Like that is the one thing when I was in this community, like y'all, the world

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was shut down, so we really didn't have a choice because that was how we just

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like, you know, still had like contact with people, but I'm seeing such more

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like invitation to like partner with each other and encourage one another

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and inviting everybody into that process.

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Like y'all are getting raw and real and honest, and you're not holding

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back and letting other people into that.

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That's huge.

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That's vulnerability.

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That's honesty.

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That's real role.

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That's it's amazing.

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And so you're helping each other stretch each other.

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Like God is able to do so much in community when we do that.

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And so that's been so awesome.

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And so I really just want to keep encouraging you ladies to continue that.

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Like it's awesome.

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And last thing I'll touch on is I'm recognizing many of you are

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starting to recognize old patterns.

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And you're catching them and you're saying, Hey, I want to do this

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differently and you're trying new things.

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And the cool thing is ladies that you don't have to do it perfectly.

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It's just the fact that you're aware that, Hey, this feels off.

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I think this is an old pattern.

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I'm going to get uncomfortable.

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I'm gonna try something different and I'm going to be okay if I don't do it.

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Okay.

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Like, okay.

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Like I can do it imperfectly and I can come in the community and I

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can share it and I can grow and learn from it.

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Like I have nothing.

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I don't have to feel ashamed.

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I don't have to hide it because ladies, guess what?

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Myself and Ebony, we've been there and guess what?

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I'm still there.

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I'm still doing artwork stuff, ladies, and I still don't do it perfectly.

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Fun fact.

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I sit here coaching you ladies and half the time, the things that I'm coaching

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you are the things I'm working on myself and I'm not doing it perfectly either.

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Fun fact.

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Okay.

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So I really want you ladies to celebrate.

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Like this really is what heart work looks like when you are living it out.

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Like you ladies have graduated from phase one and now you're in phase two.

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Like it's becoming your every day.

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So you aren't just learning the stuff.

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You're actually learning to do your life differently now.

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That's why heart work is so important and that's why we have you do heart work first.

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The heart work is where you learn it so that when you come here in phase two, we

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start helping you actually live it out.

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Okay.

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And we don't ask you to do it perfectly.

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Okay.

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Cause we don't do it perfectly either.

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All right.

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So as I was reading everyone's posts this week, I definitely noticed, you know, a

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lot of things, different women, different situations, different ages, all different

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things, right?

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Excuse me for a minute.

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I'm just gonna take a sip of my coffee.

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Um, but as always things might look different, you know, on the, on the top

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layer, but if we go a little bit deeper, it's always still the same invitation.

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I saw some women carrying this week, like questions like, you know, will he change?

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Um, is this going to work?

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You know, how, how will I know?

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Um, is, will God provide, um, will I ever get married?

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And so I see that tension.

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I see a lot of women struggling with some of those questions.

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Okay.

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Would you sit and think this week, what were some of those things that you might

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have been struggling with this week?

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You can share them with us in the chat.

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Like, this is where we get to be honest with each other.

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Like, where were you struggling?

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What were some of the questions you were, you were carrying?

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I think some people were like, Oh, is this a date?

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Is this not a date?

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What do I do with this situation?

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You know, is this person going to change?

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Is, is, is this guy doing this and that?

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And is this normal?

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Right.

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I'm also seeing women learning how to carry obedience and.

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curiosity, and truth. Not just our truth, but God's truth. That's important. I'm

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seeing women learning how to carry faithfulness in prayer. Learning how to

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really step into that. And so I, as I was processing this week, and really

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diving into what you all were sharing in the community, I really was asking

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myself, what if God is inviting us to be asking, okay, what is mine to carry, and

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what is his to carry? Okay, so what belongs to you, and then what belongs to

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him? So our teaching today, if you didn't see the announcement, the

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little reminder, is gonna be faithfully carry what God has entrusted to you

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while trusting him with what he never asked you to carry. Okay, so I want to

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start off with this, ladies. Thank you so much, Sarah. Yes, people

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pleasing, compare, yes, people pleasing is huge. I struggle with that myself, and

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some jealousy, mm-hmm, and critical, oh girl, you've read in a book, you're

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reading a page from my book. If you have a blend in a family, ladies, that's a book,

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that's a page from the book, all right? Some people pleasing, some jealousy, some

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comparing, some criticalness, that's part of it, all right? So thank you for

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sharing that, Sarah. So yeah, I want to ask you, ladies, and I want you to picture

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this, okay? Like I was thinking about this, you know, how to

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coach this, and I'm like, okay, how can I tie this to something practical that we

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all have experienced before? And so, has anyone in this community, right now on

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this call, ever needed someone to help them move?

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Yeah, okay. Hopefully, you ladies, hopefully, can see where I'm going, okay? If you

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haven't, have, if you have or haven't, have you ever been asked to help somebody move?

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Okay, some people haven't been asked. Okay, that's good. Okay. Okay, I want you to stop and think, okay?

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Because you'll often hear, oh, I love that, Nancy volunteers to help. Oh, girl, if I'm

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ever moving, I'm calling you. Where do you live, Idaho? Oh, I might have to fly you

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down. So, what I recall, it is always, like, that's like the moment of truth. Like, if

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you need somebody to help you move, like, y'all, like, it's a big ask. And you, it's

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hard, it is hard to find people to get you to help move.

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Then, you notice, if you ever are asked to move, it's a stretch to want to sometimes

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go ahead and offer yourself to move. And then, when we do actually help people to move,

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there's a reason that we offer. Yes, or you find out who your real people are, for sure.

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And if you are that person like Nancy, that you just offer to help, there is some, like,

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that's because you care. All right, but I want to ask you, what, how would it feel

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if you were the one that was offering to help someone move, and there might be a couple people

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there, but you look around and you recognize you are the only one carrying the heavy stuff?

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What would that look like? What does that feel like?

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Like, as a result, what would that feel like?

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Yeah, back pain for sure.

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It hurt.

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Yeah, there'd be like, there'd be some struggle.

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There'd be some like, maybe some tension

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of why isn't anyone else helping?

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Oh, Jennifer, that's good.

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So she's feeling that just every day at her job.

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She feels like she's carrying the weight of things

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that other people should be responsible for carrying.

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So you see how like, that gets heavy.

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It gets exhausting.

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And it starts building this like, yucky feeling.

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Because we're carrying something that we're like,

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why are we having to carry all this?

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Or if you've ever asked somebody to help you move, okay?

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And you get someone that's like, take charge.

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And then they're moving your stuff around

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and throwing things around.

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And you're like, whoa, hold on.

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I mean, honestly, that's sometimes why I would prefer

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people that I know and that I trust.

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Because then I can, I trust that they're gonna listen to me

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and they're gonna be considerate of my things.

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Sometimes you get those moving companies

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and they don't, they're just throwing your stuff around.

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They're not listening, they're not taking care.

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Like, so you're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Like, what's going on here, right?

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So you don't, that's not always fun either, okay?

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You want that part to be like a partnership.

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Like, hey, I need your help.

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Let's work together.

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Let's do this together.

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What do the movers need from me?

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Like, here's the list.

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I'm gonna write things that are fragile

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and I'm gonna trust that you're gonna do that

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and where things need to go and where it belongs.

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And I'm gonna get a reputable moving company

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or I'm gonna call on people that I can trust

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and that I can lean on, okay?

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So I don't think we can,

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we tend to want to carry the heavy load

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because we don't care or because we're controlling.

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We're not taking charge.

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And I don't think for the most part,

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if your friends are the ones helping you move,

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I don't think they're sitting there

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like trying to be controlling.

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Now, if you're hiring a moving company,

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that might be something else, right?

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Unless it's a really good reputable company.

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And again, if you're hiring a moving company,

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you're gonna go check the reviews.

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But it's not because your friends are controlling

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or you're controlling, it's because you actually care

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or that company really cares

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about the service that they provide.

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And so because we care so deeply,

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we slowly begin carrying responsibilities

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that actually we might not be assigned to.

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It's kind of what we do with God.

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Sometimes we pick up other people's responsibilities

401
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or God's responsibilities because we care so much

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about others, about ourselves, about our future,

403
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about all sorts of things.

404
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Like there's a deep caring.

405
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We care about how we show up, right?

406
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We care about how we're perceived.

407
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We care about how we honor ourselves

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and how we honor God.

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But it's really easy that we'll start picking up things

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that belong to God and y'all,

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that stuff is God's and it's really heavy

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because it was never ours to carry in the first place.

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If you listen to Supernatural Saturday,

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Jackie was talking about us being part of this movement.

415
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We are the revivalist, ladies.

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We're not the ones carrying it all to ourselves, okay?

417
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I was part of this community in the very beginning.

418
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It used to be called married in 12 months or less, okay?

419
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And it was a movement.

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Yes, Jackie was the one that God,

421
00:34:51.139 --> 00:34:54.860
she was the vessel God used to kind of start this movement.

422
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And she was so obedient to that.

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But it literally took all of us.

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us partnering with this movement and all of you partnering with this movement that is

425
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:14.160
going to bring the wave and abundance of kingdom marriages.

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So many marriages in almost six years now.

427
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So many.

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Y'all, I've been here from the beginning and it's been incredible.

429
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Like Jackie shared, we haven't seen anything yet.

430
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So you are part of this movement.

431
00:35:34.240 --> 00:35:43.000
It is time to partner with God, but it is not yours to carry all the weight.

432
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We are a giant communion.

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We keep growing.

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Like it was much smaller when I first joined.

435
00:35:48.480 --> 00:35:49.480
Okay.

436
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:53.920
And it's just growing and growing and growing, which is amazing because God's like, I'm

437
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:55.640
not just going to do something small.

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I'm not just going to have, you know, a couple hundred, you know, maybe a thousand.

439
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:07.400
He's going to allow this movement to have so many marriages.

440
00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:16.520
And in order to do that, we have to learn what is ours and what is God's.

441
00:36:16.520 --> 00:36:20.280
And I'm seeing that in our questions.

442
00:36:20.280 --> 00:36:21.480
And these are good questions.

443
00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:29.000
You ladies are doing the hard work and it's beautiful, but I really want us to really

444
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dive into that this week.

445
00:36:32.640 --> 00:36:36.080
So there's a lot of things that I saw in posts.

446
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So like Peggy, I don't know if she's on, I don't think I see her.

447
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:46.040
Her assignment this week I saw in one of her posts was courage.

448
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That's where she partnered with God was showing up with courage.

449
00:36:51.160 --> 00:36:56.960
What wasn't hers was that guy at church, I think his name was Lonnie.

450
00:36:56.960 --> 00:37:01.760
His response wasn't her weight to carry.

451
00:37:01.760 --> 00:37:05.000
That was God to sort out.

452
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:12.520
She just had had the courage to follow in obedience of what God was asking her to do.

453
00:37:12.520 --> 00:37:18.520
You know, set aside her fear and just go have the conversation.

454
00:37:18.840 --> 00:37:19.340
Yeah.

455
00:37:22.200 --> 00:37:23.160
That's good.

456
00:37:23.160 --> 00:37:27.080
I just saw your thing, caring and sometimes the fear that things are going to go wrong

457
00:37:27.080 --> 00:37:28.200
or messing it up.

458
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:28.700
Yes.

459
00:37:29.640 --> 00:37:30.440
But guess what?

460
00:37:31.960 --> 00:37:35.560
We care, but what is God asking us to do?

461
00:37:35.560 --> 00:37:41.560
It's having the courage and trusting me like, okay, God, I'm trusting that I've done,

462
00:37:41.560 --> 00:37:44.760
I've been obedient to what you've called me to do.

463
00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:46.920
And I'm in alignment with you.

464
00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:48.200
I am praying.

465
00:37:48.280 --> 00:37:49.480
I am in your word.

466
00:37:51.800 --> 00:37:54.040
I'm walking in alignment with you.

467
00:37:54.680 --> 00:37:57.800
I'm not always doing that perfectly, but guess what?

468
00:37:58.920 --> 00:38:06.840
When I do my best and I take the next faithful step, God, you handle the outcome.

469
00:38:08.840 --> 00:38:12.040
And sometimes, yeah, is it going to get a little painful and I might need to get,

470
00:38:12.600 --> 00:38:14.200
you know, put back on course?

471
00:38:14.200 --> 00:38:14.920
Yeah.

472
00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:16.520
But he is so good at that.

473
00:38:17.480 --> 00:38:18.840
And I can trust him with that.

474
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:21.880
And he's going to use that opportunity to grow.

475
00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:25.880
Amanda, she, her assignment was curiosity this week.

476
00:38:28.520 --> 00:38:32.600
She didn't, she, her, hers wasn't, she was trying to figure out, okay,

477
00:38:32.600 --> 00:38:34.040
was this the first date or not?

478
00:38:37.400 --> 00:38:39.160
I loved reading her post this week.

479
00:38:40.520 --> 00:38:43.480
And so her assignment, we weren't trying to sit here and determine,

480
00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:44.840
was it a date or was it not a date?

481
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:47.240
I was like, let's not go there.

482
00:38:47.240 --> 00:38:47.960
Okay.

483
00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:49.000
Let's get curious.

484
00:38:49.000 --> 00:38:50.600
I want to know more.

485
00:38:50.600 --> 00:38:52.680
I was like, give me the details, girl.

486
00:38:52.680 --> 00:38:53.560
Let's get curious.

487
00:38:53.560 --> 00:38:54.360
I got curious.

488
00:38:54.360 --> 00:38:57.880
And then she started getting curious because of the questions I was asking her.

489
00:38:57.880 --> 00:38:59.240
And she did a really great job.

490
00:39:03.160 --> 00:39:05.960
So it was about asking deeper, more curious questions

491
00:39:06.520 --> 00:39:08.600
and asking herself those curious questions.

492
00:39:08.600 --> 00:39:13.800
Like, okay, so with what happened, whether it's a date or not,

493
00:39:14.680 --> 00:39:17.720
what information was I being given?

494
00:39:17.720 --> 00:39:19.080
What's going on inside?

495
00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:22.280
What do I want to do next, Lord?

496
00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:23.720
What are you showing me?

497
00:39:25.240 --> 00:39:28.520
Okay, Lord, you're giving me some, you had this opportunities here.

498
00:39:28.520 --> 00:39:30.120
I'm partnering with you now.

499
00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:31.080
So now what do I do?

500
00:39:32.520 --> 00:39:33.080
Go to him.

501
00:39:34.680 --> 00:39:36.360
He's going to give you that next faithful step.

502
00:39:37.160 --> 00:39:37.560
All right.

503
00:39:38.520 --> 00:39:42.040
Several others that I have listed,

504
00:39:42.040 --> 00:39:44.280
but I want to keep moving on here.

505
00:39:45.160 --> 00:39:50.680
So one thing that I was praying and meditating on a lot this week

506
00:39:50.680 --> 00:39:53.560
that came to my mind and that kind of led me to,

507
00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:58.520
that brought me to the heart of what this message

508
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.000
What it spoke to me and what I hope it will speak to you ladies is it had me thinking

509
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:17.680
a lot about storms this week and when I was in this community, at the time it was called

510
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:20.000
Married in 12 Months or Less.

511
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:26.440
It was 2022, okay, I had been in this community for over two years, I still wasn't married

512
00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:30.160
and mind you, it was called Married in 12 Months or Less and I was like, it's been over

513
00:40:30.160 --> 00:40:34.040
12 months y'all, what's happening?

514
00:40:34.040 --> 00:40:40.040
I was getting pretty discouraged, yup, there's tropical storms right now, my husband is literally

515
00:40:40.040 --> 00:40:44.240
in the verge, that's one thing I was meant to do, he's literally just took off to St.

516
00:40:44.240 --> 00:40:49.240
Martin, it was a trip we were supposed to go on together but we weren't going to be

517
00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:56.040
able to make it and then last minute his partner was like, y'all have to come and his partner

518
00:40:56.040 --> 00:40:59.440
was like, I'm going to get your tickets and fly you all out and I told my husband, I can't

519
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:05.440
go, I've got too much stuff going on, so yes, I missed out on St. Martin but it's okay,

520
00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:12.040
God is doing some good work in me, He's actually stretching me in this season, I'm getting

521
00:41:12.040 --> 00:41:15.040
stretched, it's really good.

522
00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:20.640
Lucy, thank you for feeling my pain on that, I appreciate it.

523
00:41:20.640 --> 00:41:25.640
I've had some moments of some sadness and some bitterness and so I've had to turn that

524
00:41:25.640 --> 00:41:29.240
over to God and be like, okay God, that's yours to carry, like what am I supposed to

525
00:41:29.240 --> 00:41:35.640
do with this but so I've been thinking about storms and so I'm like, so hurricanes, right?

526
00:41:35.640 --> 00:41:41.440
And so it's like hurricane season, I'm like, oh my gosh, St. Martin, like it's a hurricane

527
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:46.640
season, I'm like, is my husband going to get stuck in the Virgin Islands, like what is

528
00:41:46.640 --> 00:41:47.640
happening?

529
00:41:47.640 --> 00:41:52.840
I'm like, maybe that's why I was like, I can't go, I know what hurricanes are like, I used

530
00:41:52.840 --> 00:41:58.640
to live in Florida and so that's what I'm going to, I'm prefacing is in 2022, I lived

531
00:41:58.640 --> 00:42:04.040
in Sarasota, Florida and so there was a hurricane, I think it was Hurricane Ian, I can't, I think

532
00:42:04.040 --> 00:42:08.440
it was Ian and not Irma, Irma might have been in the one that was in like 2017 but I think

533
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:19.440
it was Hurricane Ian, it came in 2022 and it was like a big storm, it wasn't even supposed

534
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:27.640
to be that big but and in Sarasota, we don't, we never typically saw hurricanes come through

535
00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:31.240
so I was like, oh, this is going to be like a small one, it's going to be like a category

536
00:42:31.240 --> 00:42:35.640
one, you know what, I'm not worried about it, like usually I would take off because

537
00:42:35.640 --> 00:42:40.440
I had a son but you know, he was a little bit older, like the one in 2017, he was two,

538
00:42:40.440 --> 00:42:44.440
I was like, yeah, I'm not staying here because that one was like, I think it was Irma, it

539
00:42:44.440 --> 00:42:48.440
was like cat five, cat four or five and I was like, what am I supposed to do with a

540
00:42:48.440 --> 00:42:49.440
two-year-old?

541
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:55.240
Like, I ain't doing this so like, I got in the car and like sat in the standstill traffic

542
00:42:55.240 --> 00:42:59.740
for like forever and like hightailed it to like South Carolina where some friends were

543
00:42:59.740 --> 00:43:06.240
and we stayed with them but this time, I was like, my son was like five or six and I was

544
00:43:06.240 --> 00:43:08.440
like, I think we'll be okay.

545
00:43:08.440 --> 00:43:14.240
Y'all, it was way bigger than we anticipated.

546
00:43:14.240 --> 00:43:26.840
Now luckily, my condo was very secure, all that but as a single mom, my son had to miss

547
00:43:26.840 --> 00:43:38.340
out for three weeks of school, I was a working single mom y'all and I just remember in that

548
00:43:38.340 --> 00:43:46.340
time just praying and feeling so at peace with this hurricane and all the changes that

549
00:43:46.340 --> 00:43:47.340
were coming through this storm.

550
00:43:47.340 --> 00:43:54.840
I mean, it like totally threw us all off and we had all these changes and it was like,

551
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:59.840
but every time I was praying, like God was just sharing with me like, Carla, no, I am

552
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:07.840
bringing the storm to clear out the things that I don't want around.

553
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:10.340
Like, it was like he was clearing things out.

554
00:44:10.340 --> 00:44:15.340
He was bringing the storm to literally clear out all of the debris because after storms,

555
00:44:15.340 --> 00:44:20.840
like typically, like it's in the water, like you have to, it pushes everything out and

556
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:25.840
I don't know if you are in Florida or live in Florida or if you've ever been in Florida

557
00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:28.840
at a certain season, they call it red tide on the Gulf Coast.

558
00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:29.840
It is so gross.

559
00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:30.840
It's so nasty.

560
00:44:30.840 --> 00:44:36.840
It like causes all sort of respiratory, yes, Lucy's like, it smells like dead fish because

561
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:41.840
it kills everything in the water and then there's all these respiratory issues, like

562
00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:44.840
you cough, like it just sucks.

563
00:44:44.840 --> 00:44:45.840
Really just sucks.

564
00:44:45.840 --> 00:44:52.840
And, but when hurricanes come through, it actually washes all of the red tide out.

565
00:44:52.840 --> 00:44:57.840
And so I remember just thinking, okay, this has just got to be a clear, like we're just

566
00:44:57.840 --> 00:44:58.840
going to clear everything through.

567
00:44:58.840 --> 00:44:59.840
It's just going to be a clear.

568
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.960
Oh, you know, we're gonna, things are gonna,

569
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:04.400
things that are not meant to be here,

570
00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:07.840
they're gonna get torn down and cleared out.

571
00:45:09.000 --> 00:45:13.560
The things that need to be shaken and tore down

572
00:45:13.560 --> 00:45:15.360
are gonna get shaken and tore down.

573
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:19.080
And the things that cannot be shaken will remain.

574
00:45:19.080 --> 00:45:23.060
That's what God kept telling me during this hurricane.

575
00:45:24.040 --> 00:45:28.640
And y'all, I felt so at peace

576
00:45:30.520 --> 00:45:33.520
so at peace, I felt so grounded

577
00:45:35.080 --> 00:45:38.200
in the storm, in this hurricane

578
00:45:38.200 --> 00:45:40.200
that ended up turning into,

579
00:45:40.200 --> 00:45:44.280
I think it was like a hurricane category four or five.

580
00:45:44.280 --> 00:45:47.440
So storms have a way of revealing

581
00:45:49.420 --> 00:45:54.420
things that calm days may not reveal.

582
00:45:55.380 --> 00:46:00.380
And so that reminded me of Matthew seven,

583
00:46:02.100 --> 00:46:05.480
the wise builder and the foolish builder.

584
00:46:07.420 --> 00:46:09.700
They both experienced the same storm.

585
00:46:11.780 --> 00:46:16.160
The storm is the same, storms come.

586
00:46:18.460 --> 00:46:21.140
So the difference isn't always the storm,

587
00:46:22.140 --> 00:46:26.820
it's the difference that we focus on

588
00:46:26.820 --> 00:46:31.300
is what each house was built on

589
00:46:31.300 --> 00:46:33.580
before the storm ever arrived.

590
00:46:35.700 --> 00:46:39.720
And so in that season, y'all,

591
00:46:42.300 --> 00:46:44.260
I had a foundation that was anchored

592
00:46:46.780 --> 00:46:48.380
and it was anchored in Christ.

593
00:46:49.300 --> 00:46:51.900
So storms don't create the foundations

594
00:46:51.900 --> 00:46:54.780
that were anchored to, they reveal it.

595
00:46:57.300 --> 00:47:00.820
And so sometimes he's gonna lovingly shake things

596
00:47:00.820 --> 00:47:03.100
because it helps us see

597
00:47:03.100 --> 00:47:07.920
what we've unknowingly been building on.

598
00:47:10.220 --> 00:47:12.380
So the things that need to get shaken,

599
00:47:12.380 --> 00:47:15.340
that need to get torn down, we get to see that.

600
00:47:16.260 --> 00:47:19.380
I got to witness in that 2022,

601
00:47:21.660 --> 00:47:24.140
I had a pretty, like my foundation was solid

602
00:47:25.220 --> 00:47:26.960
and some things got shaken.

603
00:47:26.960 --> 00:47:29.260
Even with my son three weeks off of work,

604
00:47:29.260 --> 00:47:32.260
I had been walking in obedience with the Lord.

605
00:47:32.260 --> 00:47:33.380
I had been trusting him.

606
00:47:33.380 --> 00:47:36.060
He'd been growing me so deep

607
00:47:36.060 --> 00:47:38.000
in such deep intimacy with him.

608
00:47:39.180 --> 00:47:40.340
There was a peace.

609
00:47:40.340 --> 00:47:43.060
Now, what I will also tell you,

610
00:47:43.060 --> 00:47:44.340
I was really unsettled

611
00:47:44.340 --> 00:47:47.980
and my dating life wasn't going anywhere.

612
00:47:47.980 --> 00:47:49.760
I was really discouraged.

613
00:47:50.980 --> 00:47:53.420
Like right after all that hurricane happened,

614
00:47:53.420 --> 00:47:55.440
I was like ready to give up.

615
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:56.900
I was over it.

616
00:47:56.900 --> 00:47:58.060
Like I was done.

617
00:48:01.340 --> 00:48:03.140
But I was really thankful

618
00:48:04.180 --> 00:48:09.180
that I could recognize that God was showing me

619
00:48:10.020 --> 00:48:14.180
there were things that I was so anchored in

620
00:48:14.180 --> 00:48:15.620
and he wasn't shaming me

621
00:48:15.620 --> 00:48:17.900
for the things that I wasn't anchored in.

622
00:48:17.900 --> 00:48:21.140
He was just inviting me into something stronger.

623
00:48:21.140 --> 00:48:25.300
And so I got to see like I had a solid foundation

624
00:48:25.300 --> 00:48:27.100
and then the discouragement came

625
00:48:28.660 --> 00:48:29.960
because I wasn't anchored

626
00:48:29.960 --> 00:48:32.640
in my whole thought process of dating.

627
00:48:32.640 --> 00:48:33.540
All right.

628
00:48:33.540 --> 00:48:34.740
And what he was gonna do for me

629
00:48:34.740 --> 00:48:36.820
and my promise for marriage.

630
00:48:37.380 --> 00:48:42.380
And so I got to really see how I was surrendered

631
00:48:44.020 --> 00:48:46.020
in so many areas of my life

632
00:48:46.020 --> 00:48:49.420
and I had been walking that out very well with heartwork

633
00:48:50.500 --> 00:48:52.220
except in the area of dating.

634
00:48:53.780 --> 00:48:55.260
And so he wasn't doing it to shame me.

635
00:48:55.260 --> 00:48:59.660
He was doing it to actually do something stronger.

636
00:48:59.660 --> 00:49:03.740
And so I started thinking about last year single

637
00:49:03.740 --> 00:49:05.140
now as a coach

638
00:49:06.100 --> 00:49:08.560
and my time when I was a student.

639
00:49:09.620 --> 00:49:10.820
Last year single,

640
00:49:10.820 --> 00:49:15.640
our whole focus isn't to bring you to marriage.

641
00:49:15.640 --> 00:49:16.480
Okay.

642
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:18.140
Like y'all are here because you're single

643
00:49:18.140 --> 00:49:19.740
and wanna be married.

644
00:49:19.740 --> 00:49:20.580
Okay.

645
00:49:20.580 --> 00:49:21.820
That was my whole reason too.

646
00:49:21.820 --> 00:49:24.140
Like, okay, I wanna be married.

647
00:49:25.860 --> 00:49:30.860
So this program is gonna move me towards marriage.

648
00:49:31.860 --> 00:49:35.540
But if that's the mindset,

649
00:49:35.540 --> 00:49:39.660
then that would mean marriage is the final destination.

650
00:49:41.420 --> 00:49:44.380
But ladies, you're gonna also,

651
00:49:44.380 --> 00:49:45.740
if you don't recall,

652
00:49:45.740 --> 00:49:48.240
you'll hear Jackie often tell you,

653
00:49:49.620 --> 00:49:53.680
this is the preparation for marriage.

654
00:49:55.420 --> 00:49:58.040
We're preparing you for marriage.

655
00:49:58.040 --> 00:50:00.120
We're not preparing you just to.

656
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.480
get married and to bring you to the marriage, we're preparing you for marriage. So

657
00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:19.520
it's so that when God delivers the promise of marriage, we're here to help partner with God

658
00:50:21.520 --> 00:50:24.160
and you because you're part of that partnership

659
00:50:24.160 --> 00:50:27.760
and equipping you for the capacity that marriage is going to call you to.

660
00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:37.760
Because marriage is not the destination, ladies. Marriage is that maturity plan for mankind.

661
00:50:38.400 --> 00:50:40.560
It's God's maturity plan for mankind.

662
00:50:42.240 --> 00:50:46.080
And that's one thing that now on this other side, like I'm learning.

663
00:50:49.120 --> 00:50:54.320
I'm having, I'm living that out. Like marriage is continuing to teach me this.

664
00:50:55.200 --> 00:50:59.280
There are some things that belong to me. There are some things that belong to Jeremy,

665
00:50:59.280 --> 00:51:03.680
my husband. There are things that's that belong just to God.

666
00:51:05.200 --> 00:51:09.200
You know, I haven't done that very well. One thing I've noticed is

667
00:51:09.200 --> 00:51:15.440
when I start confusing those responsibilities, things become chaotic.

668
00:51:18.320 --> 00:51:24.080
Because guess what? My foundation, it's not built on a rock. It's not built on solid foundation.

669
00:51:24.080 --> 00:51:30.080
It's not anchored in Jesus. It's not anchored in my faith in God and what he's already been able to

670
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:48.640
do. I lose my peace. I think about that. So ladies, I, you know, you know, go back to Exodus

671
00:51:48.640 --> 00:51:55.280
14. You know, you have, you know, they're standing at the Red Sea, right? The Israelites are standing

672
00:51:55.280 --> 00:52:02.320
at the Red Sea and they're like, okay, get me out of slavery. But now we've got this sea and then

673
00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:12.320
Pharaoh is right behind and he's got a giant army. Like, uh, oh, now what? Can't do this now.

674
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:19.360
Like, what are we going to do? And what if, like, and God's reminded us in that story, he's like,

675
00:52:20.560 --> 00:52:30.240
hey, you're not to do anything. Like, you, I'm going to fight for you. I'm going to make

676
00:52:30.240 --> 00:52:39.600
happen what needs to happen. You just need to be still. He wasn't asking them to be passive.

677
00:52:39.760 --> 00:52:45.840
Being still and being passive are not the same things. He's reminding them,

678
00:52:45.840 --> 00:52:51.760
know your, know which, what is your assignment and know what assignment is mine.

679
00:52:56.560 --> 00:53:03.200
And so this week, I really want you ladies like sitting with that. Sit with Psalm 46.

680
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:08.480
Even when the earth is giving way, even when the mountains are falling,

681
00:53:09.040 --> 00:53:15.200
even when the waves are crashing in, when that storm is just coming in,

682
00:53:17.120 --> 00:53:26.240
God remains. You get to anchor yourself on the foundation of Jesus.

683
00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:37.440
And so I want you to invite yourself to ask this question this week. Ask.

684
00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:44.560
Definitely come back for that, that, cause I'm going to, we're going to do activation and then

685
00:53:44.560 --> 00:53:49.600
we're going to take questions too. Um, but have, have a good meeting, Kelly. It was so good to see

686
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:57.440
you. Um, so the question to ask yourself, Lord, Lord, go to Lord, go to the Lord. All right.

687
00:53:58.640 --> 00:54:05.440
Get quiet with him. What have you asked me to carry faithfully?

688
00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:15.280
And God, when have I been carrying faithfully?

689
00:54:16.080 --> 00:54:21.760
When have I been carrying what actually belongs to you?

690
00:54:24.640 --> 00:54:29.120
So it's two questions. What have you asked me to faithfully carry?

691
00:54:30.560 --> 00:54:33.120
And what have I been carrying that actually belongs to you?

692
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:42.080
And I'll post these in our app too, so that you'll get those. Um, I think a lot of ladies

693
00:54:42.080 --> 00:54:49.200
really like the coach's notes. So I'll get those up probably Wednesday or Thursday at the latest.

694
00:54:50.560 --> 00:54:54.560
So ladies, what I'm going to have you do for your activation this week.

695
00:54:55.200 --> 00:54:59.040
And if you have a sheet of paper,

696
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.280
go ahead and you can start it now. If you don't, listen and then you can go back in the replay

697
00:55:08.640 --> 00:55:14.000
and then I'll post it in the activation post as well. So if you have a piece of paper,

698
00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:18.400
I just want you to draw a line down the middle and on one side

699
00:55:21.840 --> 00:55:23.360
you're going to write mine to carry.

700
00:55:23.360 --> 00:55:32.480
On the other side, you're going to write God's to carry.

701
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:37.760
One sheet of paper, two sides, line down the middle.

702
00:55:39.840 --> 00:55:46.080
And so if you are able to write some things down right now, we can do that.

703
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:52.960
But I still, even if you're doing that right now, I still want to encourage you to spend some time

704
00:55:54.080 --> 00:56:01.440
in prayer like today and tomorrow to sit with him quietly. Okay. And just listen to him even,

705
00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:06.720
even right now on this call. I want you all to start making a list.

706
00:56:09.280 --> 00:56:17.920
What does your side carry? Like what is, what does your side include?

707
00:56:18.240 --> 00:56:20.240
What is yours to carry?

708
00:56:24.160 --> 00:56:32.480
Maybe it's obedience. Is that something that you need to really focus on carrying? Obedience.

709
00:56:34.880 --> 00:56:40.000
Ladies go and sit with the Lord on what does that, what does obedience actually look like?

710
00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:45.760
What does it say in his word? What are, what are we like when we're called to be obedient?

711
00:56:45.760 --> 00:56:53.760
What does that look like? And ask yourself, am I being obedient?

712
00:56:56.960 --> 00:57:00.320
So maybe you're dealing with, you know, a situation, whether it's

713
00:57:00.320 --> 00:57:03.840
with your family, whether it's work or you're dating,

714
00:57:03.840 --> 00:57:10.800
with whatever he's asked you to do. And again, go check it with the word. What does that look like?

715
00:57:14.240 --> 00:57:23.680
Maybe yours to carry is truth. And ladies, I'm not talking about your truth. I'm talking about his

716
00:57:23.680 --> 00:57:28.800
truth. Again, sit with the Lord. What does his truth say?

717
00:57:31.600 --> 00:57:38.240
Y'all, I don't love, I can't, I cringe every time I hear that, you know, live your truth or, you know,

718
00:57:38.240 --> 00:57:44.960
you just do you. I don't like that. Ugh, drives me crazy. Like one time I heard a guy say,

719
00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:51.440
you know, live your truth or, you know, you just do you. I don't like that. Ugh, drives me crazy.

720
00:57:52.960 --> 00:57:58.800
Like one time I heard like, well, if you live your truth and your truth is to not believe in

721
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:04.400
gravity, like you, like your truth is gravity doesn't exist and you go jump off a building.

722
00:58:05.680 --> 00:58:14.320
Uh, hello? Like you live your truth. Well, you're not going to live very long because

723
00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:21.120
your truth says there's no gravity, but guess what? Um, your truth is wrong. The truth is

724
00:58:23.680 --> 00:58:30.640
God's truth says there's gravity. It exists. You jump off a building. Guess what? You're

725
00:58:30.640 --> 00:58:36.000
going to fall and you're not going to be here very long. You're not going to live,

726
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:45.440
live your truth for very long. Okay. So what's his truth? Not our truth. Not what we want to

727
00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:54.320
be true. What is his truth say? And sometimes that's hard. Okay. Maybe what yours to carry is

728
00:58:54.320 --> 00:59:06.800
curiosity. That's a good question. How do you know what he is asking you to carry?

729
00:59:09.920 --> 00:59:13.200
So ride the best suggestion that I can give

730
00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:21.280
is going back to that place of just being still.

731
00:59:24.480 --> 00:59:28.480
Get in the word, get quiet.

732
00:59:37.920 --> 00:59:41.120
Sometimes it's not about figuring out all the things and thinking

733
00:59:41.120 --> 00:59:44.720
he's got to tell me all of the knowledge. It's sometimes it's like,

734
00:59:44.720 --> 00:59:49.040
what's the simple thing that, uh, that he's asking.

735
00:59:55.040 --> 00:59:58.080
So what I hear in your question,

736
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
is maybe a little fear, a little confusion,

737
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:12.280
maybe a little stress, a little pressure.

738
01:00:15.000 --> 01:00:17.220
Sit with that, where's that come from?

739
01:00:19.160 --> 01:00:24.160
Is God asking you to know all of that?

740
01:00:25.820 --> 01:00:28.020
Or is he just asking you to sit with me?

741
01:00:29.020 --> 01:00:30.580
Just sit with me.

742
01:00:40.860 --> 01:00:42.860
So you've been wrong before.

743
01:00:42.860 --> 01:00:43.680
Well, guess what?

744
01:00:43.680 --> 01:00:45.780
Sometimes that's okay.

745
01:00:48.740 --> 01:00:51.140
I can't tell you how many times I've been wrong.

746
01:00:53.900 --> 01:00:55.300
Sometimes it's in those moments,

747
01:00:55.300 --> 01:00:58.820
in those stormy moments where I've put myself in,

748
01:00:58.820 --> 01:01:00.600
or maybe I've gotten it wrong,

749
01:01:01.620 --> 01:01:05.700
that God is actually growing me into something stronger.

750
01:01:08.300 --> 01:01:09.980
He's drawing me deeper.

751
01:01:13.620 --> 01:01:15.060
Where does that live?

752
01:01:17.020 --> 01:01:21.940
And so once I get through some of this activation,

753
01:01:21.940 --> 01:01:25.180
let's unpack that a little more, okay?

754
01:01:25.940 --> 01:01:27.220
Let's get some details on that,

755
01:01:27.220 --> 01:01:29.260
because I think we can really unpack some stuff

756
01:01:29.260 --> 01:01:30.400
if you're open to it.

757
01:01:31.700 --> 01:01:32.820
Are you open to that?

758
01:01:34.140 --> 01:01:34.980
Okay.

759
01:01:36.900 --> 01:01:38.220
Boundaries.

760
01:01:39.640 --> 01:01:44.000
Some of y'all, that might be what it's yours to carry.

761
01:01:46.820 --> 01:01:48.040
These boundaries,

762
01:01:49.460 --> 01:01:51.900
that's something that I've always struggled with.

763
01:01:52.900 --> 01:01:56.060
Boundaries, knowing like, ooh, what's,

764
01:01:56.060 --> 01:01:58.260
where do I have, like, I'm a people pleaser.

765
01:01:59.900 --> 01:02:00.940
I'm a people pleaser.

766
01:02:00.940 --> 01:02:01.980
I'm also controlling.

767
01:02:01.980 --> 01:02:03.300
I'm a little bit of everything.

768
01:02:03.300 --> 01:02:06.260
I just, you know, I was teeter-totter all the time,

769
01:02:06.260 --> 01:02:09.260
and that can get really confusing, you know?

770
01:02:10.660 --> 01:02:14.820
So I have to really check my boundaries.

771
01:02:17.700 --> 01:02:19.220
Who am I trying to please?

772
01:02:20.220 --> 01:02:23.100
Am I honoring myself, am I honoring God,

773
01:02:23.100 --> 01:02:24.660
or am I trying to honor somebody else

774
01:02:24.660 --> 01:02:26.220
and try to please somebody else selfishly

775
01:02:26.220 --> 01:02:27.980
to get my needs met?

776
01:02:27.980 --> 01:02:30.860
Or am I putting boundaries up because it's God is saying,

777
01:02:30.860 --> 01:02:34.660
hey, you need to take care of you for this.

778
01:02:34.660 --> 01:02:36.140
Here's your boundary.

779
01:02:36.140 --> 01:02:39.700
Let me reveal things to you with those boundaries.

780
01:02:43.100 --> 01:02:43.940
Okay.

781
01:02:44.980 --> 01:02:48.260
We've got a video, a coaching content on boundaries.

782
01:02:48.260 --> 01:02:49.100
It's really good.

783
01:02:49.940 --> 01:02:53.500
Renee does an amazing job at talking about boundaries.

784
01:02:56.940 --> 01:03:00.180
A lot of you ladies, when you share your questions

785
01:03:00.180 --> 01:03:01.900
about some of your dating stuff,

786
01:03:03.820 --> 01:03:05.740
I'm always asking, okay, what boundaries did you,

787
01:03:05.740 --> 01:03:07.580
what boundaries did you put in place?

788
01:03:11.060 --> 01:03:13.260
You know, some of us are like, oh my gosh,

789
01:03:13.260 --> 01:03:15.300
that guy is like, did this or said that,

790
01:03:15.300 --> 01:03:16.140
da-da-da-da.

791
01:03:16.140 --> 01:03:16.980
I'm like, okay, great.

792
01:03:17.980 --> 01:03:20.460
What, how did you respond?

793
01:03:23.940 --> 01:03:26.780
Like sometimes it's not about what they said,

794
01:03:26.780 --> 01:03:30.380
like what they say or what they did,

795
01:03:30.380 --> 01:03:34.220
it's how do they respond to the boundary?

796
01:03:34.220 --> 01:03:35.980
It's the after part.

797
01:03:39.220 --> 01:03:41.100
Like I love that.

798
01:03:41.100 --> 01:03:42.540
And faithfulness.

799
01:03:42.540 --> 01:03:43.780
Does that belong to us?

800
01:03:43.780 --> 01:03:45.380
Absolutely.

801
01:03:47.460 --> 01:03:52.460
So pray about that today, tomorrow, what is yours?

802
01:03:55.620 --> 01:03:57.940
What are you, what is God asking you to do?

803
01:03:57.940 --> 01:04:00.460
What is he asking you to partner with?

804
01:04:01.820 --> 01:04:02.660
Okay.

805
01:04:05.260 --> 01:04:10.260
Now, on the side with God, what is God's to carry?

806
01:04:12.020 --> 01:04:15.900
Well, those are outcomes, timing,

807
01:04:17.980 --> 01:04:20.460
changing people.

808
01:04:20.460 --> 01:04:22.300
Y'all, we can't change people.

809
01:04:22.300 --> 01:04:25.100
We can't make people do things that we want them to do.

810
01:04:26.900 --> 01:04:29.580
We want them to look a certain way or be a certain way

811
01:04:29.580 --> 01:04:32.300
or act a certain way or the, you know,

812
01:04:32.300 --> 01:04:34.180
respond a certain way.

813
01:04:34.180 --> 01:04:35.620
We can't change that.

814
01:04:38.060 --> 01:04:43.060
Sometimes we change ourselves and show up differently.

815
01:04:43.100 --> 01:04:46.140
That's dishonoring to ourselves and to God.

816
01:04:46.980 --> 01:04:50.620
Because we want them to respond in a way

817
01:04:50.620 --> 01:04:52.860
that makes us feel better.

818
01:04:55.780 --> 01:04:58.300
Because we're trying to control the outcome.

819
01:04:58.300 --> 01:04:59.940
We're trying to change.

820
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.920
how someone else is naturally going to respond.

821
01:05:05.720 --> 01:05:08.320
Ladies, when you step into marriage,

822
01:05:09.400 --> 01:05:11.800
there's gonna be some things about your husband

823
01:05:13.320 --> 01:05:14.680
that you ain't gonna like.

824
01:05:19.680 --> 01:05:20.720
Men are different.

825
01:05:21.780 --> 01:05:22.960
Men think differently.

826
01:05:25.200 --> 01:05:26.660
They just do.

827
01:05:26.660 --> 01:05:31.660
Like, y'all, I am such a clean, neat freak.

828
01:05:34.180 --> 01:05:37.180
Like, I'm even telling you, like, my pictures right here,

829
01:05:37.180 --> 01:05:38.940
I don't know if you can see, they're flipped.

830
01:05:38.940 --> 01:05:40.420
That's driving me crazy.

831
01:05:42.260 --> 01:05:45.300
My husband is away in St. Martin.

832
01:05:45.300 --> 01:05:48.100
My two older kids are with my mother-in-law.

833
01:05:48.100 --> 01:05:52.180
My youngest, who's 10, about to be 11, he's with me.

834
01:05:53.180 --> 01:05:57.020
And he invited three boys over to spend the night last night.

835
01:05:59.620 --> 01:06:01.100
They all decided to have a sleepover

836
01:06:01.100 --> 01:06:02.900
out here on this couch.

837
01:06:02.900 --> 01:06:04.940
And so they literally, like, got this big air mat,

838
01:06:04.940 --> 01:06:07.220
and, like, they were jumping around.

839
01:06:07.220 --> 01:06:08.820
Clearly, they were flipping my pictures.

840
01:06:08.820 --> 01:06:10.300
They didn't fix that.

841
01:06:10.300 --> 01:06:11.340
And it's driving me crazy.

842
01:06:11.340 --> 01:06:13.260
Like, I am a neat freak.

843
01:06:13.260 --> 01:06:14.660
Even, they woke up this morning,

844
01:06:14.660 --> 01:06:16.020
and, like, all three of them,

845
01:06:16.020 --> 01:06:18.060
or all three of them and my son, they were jumping around.

846
01:06:18.060 --> 01:06:18.900
They were getting ready to go out

847
01:06:18.900 --> 01:06:19.940
and play baseball outside.

848
01:06:19.940 --> 01:06:23.060
And I'm like, uh, clean this living room up.

849
01:06:24.780 --> 01:06:25.700
What are we doing?

850
01:06:26.620 --> 01:06:28.380
Like, you know what, I'm like, I get it.

851
01:06:28.380 --> 01:06:29.700
You're boys, like, you're not gonna,

852
01:06:29.700 --> 01:06:31.100
but y'all, I'm a clean freak.

853
01:06:31.100 --> 01:06:33.300
My husband, not so much.

854
01:06:34.580 --> 01:06:36.020
Y'all, it drives me crazy.

855
01:06:37.060 --> 01:06:39.260
Like, I'm ready to, like, discipline the kids

856
01:06:39.260 --> 01:06:42.060
when they do not do their chores.

857
01:06:42.060 --> 01:06:45.140
Like, it drives me nuts that I have to remind them.

858
01:06:45.140 --> 01:06:47.940
And then it's like, they have to do their chores.

859
01:06:47.940 --> 01:06:49.580
And I'm like, you don't know how to do your chores.

860
01:06:50.300 --> 01:06:51.820
You're grounded from electronics.

861
01:06:51.820 --> 01:06:54.140
You're just not going outside.

862
01:06:54.140 --> 01:06:55.780
Like, I don't want you to all lose privileges.

863
01:06:55.780 --> 01:06:58.020
And my husband is like, what is the big deal?

864
01:06:58.020 --> 01:06:59.660
Y'all, it drives me nuts.

865
01:07:01.100 --> 01:07:03.180
But to my husband, it's just not, like,

866
01:07:03.180 --> 01:07:07.140
but I can't change that my husband

867
01:07:07.140 --> 01:07:09.180
just doesn't operate that way.

868
01:07:11.060 --> 01:07:16.060
So I have to ask God, okay, what is my responsibility?

869
01:07:16.900 --> 01:07:19.260
What do I need to partner with right now?

870
01:07:20.500 --> 01:07:22.820
What are you calling out of me, God?

871
01:07:22.820 --> 01:07:24.940
What is it that I need to work on?

872
01:07:26.220 --> 01:07:30.460
Y'all, I do need to work on my sense of everything

873
01:07:30.460 --> 01:07:32.940
needing to look a certain way,

874
01:07:32.940 --> 01:07:35.260
the outcome needing to look a certain way.

875
01:07:35.260 --> 01:07:37.580
Like, I do struggle with that.

876
01:07:38.980 --> 01:07:42.580
So what belongs to God is outcomes,

877
01:07:42.580 --> 01:07:46.180
timing, changing people, the future.

878
01:07:46.180 --> 01:07:48.180
The future all belongs to God.

879
01:07:48.180 --> 01:07:49.860
I don't get to determine that.

880
01:07:52.140 --> 01:07:53.380
And this is a good one.

881
01:07:53.380 --> 01:07:56.580
Transformation belongs to God.

882
01:07:58.780 --> 01:08:01.340
I don't get to control all the transformation

883
01:08:01.340 --> 01:08:05.980
that goes on in my heart or in other people's hearts.

884
01:08:10.380 --> 01:08:11.820
I just have to partner with him

885
01:08:11.820 --> 01:08:16.779
and trust that even though the transformation

886
01:08:16.779 --> 01:08:21.500
might, you know, rub me the wrong way,

887
01:08:21.500 --> 01:08:24.100
there might be some growing pains in it.

888
01:08:24.100 --> 01:08:25.540
Y'all went through heartwork?

889
01:08:27.020 --> 01:08:30.660
There's some discomfort in the healing process.

890
01:08:33.979 --> 01:08:38.979
But the transformation that happens, that God does,

891
01:08:39.620 --> 01:08:41.580
y'all, because if we were in charge of that,

892
01:08:41.580 --> 01:08:44.620
we wouldn't do it because it's uncomfortable.

893
01:08:44.620 --> 01:08:47.140
We're human, we don't want to,

894
01:08:47.140 --> 01:08:52.140
it's not normal for us to want to sit in pain.

895
01:08:54.060 --> 01:08:57.540
Like, that's just a given.

896
01:09:00.899 --> 01:09:04.859
We have to partner with God because it's God's strength.

897
01:09:06.939 --> 01:09:09.020
And what Jesus did on the cross,

898
01:09:09.020 --> 01:09:11.859
because y'all, he went through the pain.

899
01:09:15.180 --> 01:09:18.660
He knows what that pain feels like.

900
01:09:22.020 --> 01:09:27.020
And he didn't even act on what caused the pain.

901
01:09:32.899 --> 01:09:36.220
He wasn't the one that sinned, it was our sin.

902
01:09:36.220 --> 01:09:38.380
But he was like, I'm gonna take it for you.

903
01:09:41.060 --> 01:09:44.420
So yeah, I don't love having to walk through

904
01:09:45.180 --> 01:09:47.340
some of the painful stuff in heart healing.

905
01:09:48.540 --> 01:09:50.140
But what I will say is,

906
01:09:52.300 --> 01:09:54.660
if this is the pain that I have to go through

907
01:09:55.700 --> 01:09:58.460
compared to what Jesus had to do.

908
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.240
I'm gonna have some gratitude there because the gift that I receive, the eternal life

909
01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:09.360
that I get, I'll praise the Lord.

910
01:10:09.360 --> 01:10:10.360
I'm so thankful.

911
01:10:10.360 --> 01:10:14.360
I'm so blessed.

912
01:10:14.360 --> 01:10:20.360
And so, ladies, throughout this week, when anxiety, this is your activation, whenever

913
01:10:20.360 --> 01:10:25.160
anxiety starts rising, whenever frustration, whenever that tension's there, whenever that

914
01:10:25.160 --> 01:10:33.760
anger, that discouragement, that hopelessness, anytime that stuff starts surfacing this week,

915
01:10:33.760 --> 01:10:39.400
I want you to pause and I want you to grab your paper or visually think about it and

916
01:10:39.400 --> 01:10:46.080
ask yourself, which side of the paper am I holding?

917
01:10:46.080 --> 01:10:53.640
Am I holding the side that's my stuff to carry or am I carrying something that's supposed

918
01:10:53.640 --> 01:10:57.360
to belong to God?

919
01:10:57.360 --> 01:11:00.920
I'm almost certain, ladies, if you've got some anxiety, you've got the fear, you've

920
01:11:00.920 --> 01:11:05.680
got the frustration, you've got the tension, you've got the hopelessness, you've got the

921
01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:10.200
discouragement, you've got all of that stuff, it's because you're starting to try to carry

922
01:11:10.200 --> 01:11:17.640
something that actually belongs to God and you're gonna sit with Him and be like, okay,

923
01:11:17.640 --> 01:11:21.080
I'm gonna give that back to you, Lord.

924
01:11:21.080 --> 01:11:24.920
What is it that you're asking me to carry in this moment?

925
01:11:24.920 --> 01:11:28.720
What's my role?

926
01:11:28.720 --> 01:11:31.480
Where am I just supposed to partner with you?

927
01:11:31.480 --> 01:11:32.480
Okay.

928
01:11:32.480 --> 01:11:34.480
All right.

929
01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:40.400
We don't have a whole lot of time, but we're gonna get through, we're gonna get through

930
01:11:40.400 --> 01:11:45.360
some stuff and I'll stretch our call a little bit.

931
01:11:46.160 --> 01:11:50.520
Man, I really thought this teaching today was gonna go by so much quicker.

932
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:53.440
Y'all, I'm trying.

933
01:11:53.440 --> 01:11:59.080
All right, who's got questions for me today?

934
01:11:59.080 --> 01:12:05.960
I know Sarai, we're gonna get to her, Susan's, oh, good to see you, Susan, hey, girl.

935
01:12:05.960 --> 01:12:06.960
Anybody else?

936
01:12:06.960 --> 01:12:12.760
I know I see some names here that I've seen lots of your posts in the app, which has been

937
01:12:12.760 --> 01:12:13.760
good.

938
01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:14.760
So, so good.

939
01:12:14.760 --> 01:12:15.760
Okay.

940
01:12:15.760 --> 01:12:22.120
So, all I'm seeing is two, I got Lucy and Susan, and I know we're gonna jump on and

941
01:12:22.120 --> 01:12:23.120
take Sarai's.

942
01:12:23.120 --> 01:12:29.880
So, Lucy, I'm gonna hit you up first and then we're gonna go to Susan and then when, hopefully

943
01:12:29.880 --> 01:12:36.240
Sarai will be back and then if anybody else has a question, if we have time, we'll get

944
01:12:36.240 --> 01:12:37.240
to you.

945
01:12:37.240 --> 01:12:38.240
I'm here.

946
01:12:38.320 --> 01:12:42.760
Definitely jump in the app or jump on tonight.

947
01:12:42.760 --> 01:12:45.640
Ebony is usually doing the eight o'clock call tonight.

948
01:12:45.640 --> 01:12:46.640
She's traveling.

949
01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:51.080
So, I have offered to take that over for her tonight too.

950
01:12:51.080 --> 01:12:56.880
So, if you are gonna be on tonight, you'll get a double dose of me and hopefully since

951
01:12:56.880 --> 01:12:59.520
I've run through this once, we won't, we won't take as long.

952
01:12:59.520 --> 01:13:00.520
All right.

953
01:13:00.520 --> 01:13:03.040
All right, Lucy, how are you?

954
01:13:03.040 --> 01:13:04.040
What's your question?

955
01:13:04.040 --> 01:13:05.040
Hey, Carla.

956
01:13:05.040 --> 01:13:06.040
I'm so good.

957
01:13:06.840 --> 01:13:11.040
I've been so helped by the last time that I have managed to be on the call with you.

958
01:13:11.040 --> 01:13:12.040
That was so helpful.

959
01:13:12.040 --> 01:13:13.040
Another time I've gone on, Ebony was on.

960
01:13:13.040 --> 01:13:18.040
It was, you know, good to hear from her too, but I was like, oh, I miss following up with

961
01:13:18.040 --> 01:13:19.040
Carla.

962
01:13:19.040 --> 01:13:20.040
So, here's where it's going.

963
01:13:20.040 --> 01:13:25.320
There's still multiple guys like, you know, kind of get to know me.

964
01:13:25.320 --> 01:13:29.880
I have reconnected with a guy from 12 years ago that I was dating up on the mission field

965
01:13:29.880 --> 01:13:34.120
and I had broken up and just all the fear of reasons why, afraid of being left, you

966
01:13:34.120 --> 01:13:35.120
know, one day.

967
01:13:35.200 --> 01:13:43.400
And he is still in that place of, almost feels mixed.

968
01:13:43.400 --> 01:13:48.360
He's very, you know, very much wants to connect, but it kind of pulling back like that fear

969
01:13:48.360 --> 01:13:53.120
and he admitted it like there's a fear around relationship and marriage.

970
01:13:53.120 --> 01:13:54.120
Okay.

971
01:13:54.120 --> 01:13:59.040
So, and yeah, part of that's from me, part of that's from his brother's recent divorce,

972
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:00.040
just all that.

973
01:14:00.040 --> 01:14:05.920
So, when I, I finally had a breakthrough this weekend and I realized, oh wait, what if,

974
01:14:05.920 --> 01:14:11.400
what if it's no matter what happens, what if me being back in his life is a blessing

975
01:14:11.400 --> 01:14:17.760
to him for nothing else, then God is in me and therefore he can use my presence as a

976
01:14:17.760 --> 01:14:22.800
disruption of whatever's going on, that pattern, whether or not we work out.

977
01:14:22.800 --> 01:14:27.080
So, that's been like a new mindset of like, oh, what if my presence is a blessing no matter

978
01:14:27.080 --> 01:14:28.080
what happens?

979
01:14:28.120 --> 01:14:32.120
So, you're not carrying that responsibility.

980
01:14:32.120 --> 01:14:35.840
I think I just used it like, okay, God, it's gotta be you.

981
01:14:35.840 --> 01:14:36.840
I think.

982
01:14:36.840 --> 01:14:37.840
Yes.

983
01:14:37.840 --> 01:14:38.840
Yeah.

984
01:14:38.840 --> 01:14:39.840
Yeah.

985
01:14:39.840 --> 01:14:43.920
That sounds like, yeah, it sounds exactly what, what God's kind of been showing up and

986
01:14:43.920 --> 01:14:44.920
doing this week.

987
01:14:44.920 --> 01:14:45.920
Right.

988
01:14:45.920 --> 01:14:46.920
Yeah.

989
01:14:46.920 --> 01:14:47.920
Yeah.

990
01:14:47.920 --> 01:14:48.920
Exactly.

991
01:14:48.920 --> 01:14:52.640
And when we carry something that's not our responsibility, like someone else's, someone

992
01:14:52.640 --> 01:14:59.280
else's fear or insecurities or, or, or where they're at, we think it's our responsibility

993
01:14:59.280 --> 01:15:00.040
to have to like.

994
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.160
Like, Oh, I have to make you feel safe.

995
01:15:04.080 --> 01:15:06.960
You know, do we have some responsibility to be honoring?

996
01:15:07.000 --> 01:15:07.260
Yeah.

997
01:15:07.260 --> 01:15:10.180
Like you have some, like, are you being obedient?

998
01:15:10.200 --> 01:15:11.640
Are you following God's word?

999
01:15:11.640 --> 01:15:18.080
Are you, are you showing up in your authentic self the way that God has created you?

1000
01:15:20.040 --> 01:15:20.840
Where's your heart?

1001
01:15:20.880 --> 01:15:26.920
You know, and if you can honestly tell yourself like, yeah, I, I'm doing what God

1002
01:15:26.920 --> 01:15:33.960
is asking of me, I'm being honest, I'm communicating, I'm doing all of those

1003
01:15:33.960 --> 01:15:43.800
things, it's not my job then to go and figure out how they receive it or how

1004
01:15:43.800 --> 01:15:47.680
they pick up on it or how they carry that.

1005
01:15:48.400 --> 01:15:49.360
That's really good.

1006
01:15:50.080 --> 01:15:50.440
Yeah.

1007
01:15:50.440 --> 01:15:52.120
Can we be curious about it?

1008
01:15:52.560 --> 01:15:53.120
Yeah.

1009
01:15:54.120 --> 01:16:01.240
Can we, you know, walk along and say, Hey, is there something that

1010
01:16:01.520 --> 01:16:05.440
would help you feel less concerned?

1011
01:16:06.320 --> 01:16:09.920
Is there something that I'm, that I can help with?

1012
01:16:12.080 --> 01:16:13.800
You can ask that curiosity.

1013
01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:17.760
And then if they give you something, guess what?

1014
01:16:17.760 --> 01:16:22.040
Doesn't then, then doesn't mean that you're forced to do it.

1015
01:16:23.320 --> 01:16:24.160
Hmm.

1016
01:16:25.040 --> 01:16:30.840
Now you get to take their request and you get to go take that to the Lord.

1017
01:16:31.720 --> 01:16:32.120
Yeah.

1018
01:16:32.400 --> 01:16:33.000
That's good.

1019
01:16:33.440 --> 01:16:38.840
And say, okay, God, is this something that you would have me do?

1020
01:16:38.840 --> 01:16:40.400
Is this healthy?

1021
01:16:40.400 --> 01:16:50.280
Is this an alignment with what you are calling from me and from this other person?

1022
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:51.920
Yeah.

1023
01:16:52.400 --> 01:16:53.880
Cause it could be possible ladies.

1024
01:16:54.080 --> 01:16:55.600
I mean, I can relate to this.

1025
01:16:55.640 --> 01:16:57.520
It's really easy for me.

1026
01:16:58.080 --> 01:16:59.440
No, I'm gonna get real here, y'all.

1027
01:16:59.800 --> 01:17:08.840
It's really easy for me to, I have like, I, I can pick up on things.

1028
01:17:08.840 --> 01:17:13.840
Like I have like, God has given me such a good gift for discernment.

1029
01:17:14.800 --> 01:17:15.360
Okay.

1030
01:17:15.720 --> 01:17:22.640
But when God gives us gifts, we have to remember our gifts are not to be used for

1031
01:17:22.680 --> 01:17:28.000
us, our gifts are to be used for God and others in the kingdom.

1032
01:17:30.080 --> 01:17:37.520
So I have this gift of discernment and I can see things, but it's, it, if I'm not

1033
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:43.760
careful, I'll want to use that gift, things I'm seeing to benefit myself,

1034
01:17:44.680 --> 01:17:46.680
especially in my close relationships.

1035
01:17:47.000 --> 01:17:55.600
So like in my marriage, I'm like, oh, honey, you need to work on this.

1036
01:17:55.600 --> 01:18:01.680
Like you can do some heart healing here, or even in my kids and God's like,

1037
01:18:01.680 --> 01:18:05.720
I didn't give you that gift so you can control others and take on my

1038
01:18:05.720 --> 01:18:06.960
responsibilities.

1039
01:18:07.920 --> 01:18:14.280
I gave you that gift so that you could be a blessing to me and to others in the

1040
01:18:14.280 --> 01:18:21.360
kingdom so that you could show your love and your compassion and your consideration.

1041
01:18:23.360 --> 01:18:30.360
That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's

1042
01:18:31.040 --> 01:18:34.560
what he wants us to do.

1043
01:18:35.720 --> 01:18:36.720
That's really good.

1044
01:18:37.560 --> 01:18:39.320
Could I ask a follow up question to it?

1045
01:18:39.360 --> 01:18:39.880
Yes.

1046
01:18:40.640 --> 01:18:41.920
Thank you so much.

1047
01:18:42.040 --> 01:18:42.560
You're welcome.

1048
01:18:44.080 --> 01:18:44.440
Okay.

1049
01:18:44.440 --> 01:18:49.280
So I was just wondering, it almost felt like God's timing last night.

1050
01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:54.400
I had this curiosity on how did things, what was our last communication?

1051
01:18:55.240 --> 01:19:00.320
And so I've like looked up his email in the past and read the old emails, but I

1052
01:19:00.320 --> 01:19:05.360
had never in the past seen, like, even when I had searched our last

1053
01:19:05.360 --> 01:19:06.760
communications had never come up.

1054
01:19:06.800 --> 01:19:09.520
So for the first time they did, I thought, Oh, this is so wild.

1055
01:19:09.880 --> 01:19:16.520
And it was after we had broken up, he had emailed me about six weeks later, just to

1056
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:17.560
say, how are you doing?

1057
01:19:17.560 --> 01:19:23.720
Are you open to talking like, you know, are you still needing to be broken up

1058
01:19:23.720 --> 01:19:25.640
basically, or have you worked through whatever it is?

1059
01:19:26.240 --> 01:19:33.280
And I had said in the emails, and this is what I had forgotten that again, my

1060
01:19:33.280 --> 01:19:37.840
religious reasons to break up, to cover up the pain, the last one was the process

1061
01:19:37.840 --> 01:19:43.320
of, Oh, you know, I think we need to discern our callings better and we need to

1062
01:19:43.320 --> 01:19:44.400
discern separately.

1063
01:19:44.440 --> 01:19:48.000
Cause I was again on the mission field where there's that huge intensity to go

1064
01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:53.320
big for God and to know your calling and to only walk in that and don't take anyone

1065
01:19:53.320 --> 01:19:58.000
that's not in the same calling as you and just hyper, hyper pressure is how I now

1066
01:19:58.000 --> 01:19:58.680
feel about it.

1067
01:19:58.680 --> 01:20:00.040
But, um.

1068
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:14.000
So, I have a date tonight with him on video, and I'm wondering if I, if it would be beneficial for me to just, just ask his.

1069
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:24.000
Yeah, Lucy, don't you I'm asking somebody, there's a couple people I think haven't muted and I wasn't going to mute all of here, actually, I'm muting all of you.

1070
01:20:24.000 --> 01:20:29.000
But Lucy unmute.

1071
01:20:29.000 --> 01:20:30.000
Sorry.

1072
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:33.000
That's probably the easiest thing to do.

1073
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:42.000
Here we go. So yeah, I need to, like, ask his forgiveness like confess like this is, you know what I mean like just own it to him.

1074
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:47.000
Like this is the mindset I use that I was on, you know, I don't think it was.

1075
01:20:47.000 --> 01:21:04.000
So you haven't had a conversation with him about, about that, like, when, like when you guys got back together you didn't have a discussion about like why you had broken up with him and what what like what you've learned since then.

1076
01:21:04.000 --> 01:21:15.000
I did generally so talking about like the fear and all of that, but I didn't bring up that last excuse about like trying to figure out your calling and how probably detrimental that was to me and him.

1077
01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:21.000
Like so we did talk about all that, you know, other stuff like the fears, I just never brought up that part so I was wondering if.

1078
01:21:22.000 --> 01:21:33.000
Yeah, so, um, I think yeah if you again I would follow, you know, pray about it. Okay, don't force anything.

1079
01:21:33.000 --> 01:21:57.000
I would pray about God just giving you a piece and opening the door and showing you a clear path that you know that conversation is open, you could, you know, just share with him like hey, I was thinking and then I did some searching and I noticed the email that you sent six weeks after we had, we had split up.

1080
01:21:57.000 --> 01:22:15.000
And I saw my response to that and I done some, you know, some thinking on that and some praying on that. And there's some things that God revealed to me and I would love to share that with you if you'd be open to it on what I learned.

1081
01:22:16.000 --> 01:22:29.000
I'm not sure if you hearing that, would that be helpful to you or is it something that you'd want to hear? Ask him to see if it's even something that he wants to hear.

1082
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:31.000
Okay, yeah.

1083
01:22:31.000 --> 01:22:47.000
You know, ask that permission because maybe that's something that he'd be really thankful to hear and maybe that is something that he needs. If that's not it, or if that's going to be too sensitive for him to hear, then that's where he gets to put up his own boundaries.

1084
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:50.000
Yeah, let him put up his own boundaries.

1085
01:22:51.000 --> 01:23:13.000
What's going to help him with where God has him? Because, you know, he's sharing like he does have some fears and some insecurities. He's communicating that. That's healthy. Okay. But what's not healthy is you taking on the responsibility to feel like it's yours to fix.

1086
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:31.000
So you want to be looking for the, you know, you want to be gathering information. Is he expecting me to fix it? Or is he walking through the process and allowing God to work on it? Again, it's not yours to decide how God's doing it. Just allow God to give you the information.

1087
01:23:32.000 --> 01:23:44.000
Ask God to show you how do I give grace? Do I need to, you know, with the information that you're receiving, you're consistently going to God and asking him, what do I do with this information?

1088
01:23:45.000 --> 01:24:01.000
He will give you the piece on what your next faithful step is. If it's to continue the process and walk along with him and continue to grow and see where this relationship goes, then you take that step.

1089
01:24:01.000 --> 01:24:17.000
If God is showing you, you know what? This is too difficult for him for you to be part of his life. And I've called you just in this season and now it's time to go ahead and just whatever that is.

1090
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:35.000
And so ladies, I know a lot of you, I like, and I know I, I share this often is when we recognize the questions that you ladies come with is what do you, what do I do? You want that certainty.

1091
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:54.000
And I know that at times it may get frustrating and I, I'm not saying that this is happening, but I imagine it is because I've been in your seats before that when we don't give you a very direct answer and tell you exactly what to do, that's frustrating.

1092
01:24:56.000 --> 01:25:00.000
We don't tell you exactly what to do is because.

1093
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.320
we're not your source. We're not. Okay? I don't want to tell you, go do this.

1094
01:25:08.320 --> 01:25:17.040
Go break up with them. Go, you know, keep trying at it. We can give you wisdom.

1095
01:25:17.680 --> 01:25:24.880
We can give you questions. It's always important that you ladies are taking this to the Lord

1096
01:25:25.840 --> 01:25:39.680
yourself. Okay? That's important. Because I'm not God. I don't know what God wants to do

1097
01:25:39.680 --> 01:25:45.760
in this man's life and in your life, Lucy. I don't know what he has in store. I'm not like,

1098
01:25:45.760 --> 01:25:51.680
it's not my job. It's not my responsibility. I already struggle with taking on responsibilities.

1099
01:25:51.680 --> 01:25:56.320
I think it's my job to like pick up my husband's stuff and my kids stuff and let them like know

1100
01:25:56.320 --> 01:26:00.560
what, how they need to heal and what, what stuff they need to work on and therapy and

1101
01:26:00.560 --> 01:26:09.120
all sorts of things. And God's like, no. So the last thing I want to do ladies as your coach

1102
01:26:10.960 --> 01:26:16.160
is to be your God and to tell you ladies what you need to do.

1103
01:26:16.320 --> 01:26:26.560
I want to ask the questions. I want to press you to go to the Lord. Hmm. Okay. I hope that helps.

1104
01:26:31.120 --> 01:26:36.640
Okay. Thank you, Lucy. Susan, let's go ahead and take you and then we'll go a little bit over to

1105
01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:43.120
do Sarai. I think I don't have any other questions. If you do have a question, you just don't have

1106
01:26:43.360 --> 01:26:53.120
your hand up. Put it in the app or come tonight. All right. Hey, Susan, how's it going girl?

1107
01:26:53.120 --> 01:26:57.120
I'm good. Sorry, you guys. I'm in my swimsuit. I just came in from the pool, so I apologize.

1108
01:26:58.640 --> 01:27:02.560
I like, I want, I want your, I want to live vicariously through you.

1109
01:27:04.320 --> 01:27:07.120
I need to go to the pool. I just never make it there.

1110
01:27:08.080 --> 01:27:16.160
Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. So I actually typed out my, so I'll just, it'll probably take me like

1111
01:27:16.160 --> 01:27:19.840
three minutes to read it too. I was just going to post it in the thing, but I'm like, I'd rather

1112
01:27:19.840 --> 01:27:25.440
just talk. Okay. So I'll just read it real quick and then you can tell me. Okay. Thanks. Yep. I

1113
01:27:25.440 --> 01:27:35.680
get it. I, I matched with a guy on hinge about six weeks ago and he is 30 and I am 44. Okay.

1114
01:27:35.760 --> 01:27:41.280
But I was open to giving them a fair chance because right away he was like more intentional

1115
01:27:41.280 --> 01:27:47.040
than other guys on the apps. Like he actually started sending me audios right away and he said,

1116
01:27:47.040 --> 01:27:52.400
like, he liked my faith on my profile. He sent me an audio, said, I'm serious about you. I'm

1117
01:27:52.400 --> 01:27:58.400
going to win you over. And then we kind of did audios back and forth and it took us some time

1118
01:27:58.400 --> 01:28:02.480
to like schedule a date. Cause he gets his daughter every, he has a three-year-old that

1119
01:28:02.480 --> 01:28:07.840
he gets every other weekend. And we had one scheduled and then I wasn't feeling good and I

1120
01:28:07.840 --> 01:28:13.840
canceled. And, um, then another, and then I said, yeah, that I had had a bad day and it wasn't

1121
01:28:13.840 --> 01:28:19.120
feeling well. And he actually called me after work to like check on me and try to help me process,

1122
01:28:19.120 --> 01:28:24.320
but I didn't answer, but it was a nice gesture. But I, I was like, we've had like three phone

1123
01:28:24.320 --> 01:28:30.560
calls so far for about over an hour. And I was impressed with the questions and his like gentle

1124
01:28:30.560 --> 01:28:37.360
manner on the phone. He seemed mature and I was feeling safe. Um, he would touch base every few

1125
01:28:37.360 --> 01:28:43.840
days on text. I told him I'm not a huge texter before I've met someone, but, um, okay. So finally

1126
01:28:43.840 --> 01:28:50.320
we had a coffee date set and he told me prior the day prior he'll pick the place and send it to me.

1127
01:28:50.320 --> 01:28:58.160
I never heard, went to bed. The date came and went four hours. I remember, I remember this. Yeah.

1128
01:28:58.800 --> 01:29:03.680
Yeah. So four hours after the scheduled date time, he apologized and he said his daughter

1129
01:29:03.680 --> 01:29:09.520
went to the ER. Um, I was like, okay, thank you for letting me know. I, I totally understand.

1130
01:29:10.320 --> 01:29:14.720
But like just, you know, it does take 15 seconds to send a text and that would have been helpful

1131
01:29:14.720 --> 01:29:20.000
because I thought, you know, like you weren't interested. I, you know, had all these emotions

1132
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:25.200
and it just could have, you know, and then he called me and we had a conversation

1133
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:32.320
and that he was more interested in me after that conversation, I guess, based on how I handled him

1134
01:29:32.320 --> 01:29:38.560
or his behavior. I don't know. So we rescheduled, we were scheduled for the following week.

1135
01:29:39.360 --> 01:29:45.360
So he told me he would possibly meet me Sunday or he could meet. I said I could do Sunday or

1136
01:29:45.360 --> 01:29:50.320
Tuesday and he said he could as well. He said, I'm dropping my daughter off Sunday and I'll

1137
01:29:50.320 --> 01:29:54.800
message you, keep you posted. I'll message you Sunday night and maybe we can still meet up.

1138
01:29:55.920 --> 01:29:56.720
What's her name?

1139
01:29:56.720 --> 01:29:57.360
Iceland.

1140
01:29:57.360 --> 01:29:57.860
Okay.

1141
01:29:59.680 --> 01:29:59.840
Hey.

1142
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.640
Go ahead and bring it into me. This is still going on, honey.

1143
01:30:02.640 --> 01:30:06.800
Hey, I got people unmuting here. Hold on.

1144
01:30:12.400 --> 01:30:15.920
Okay, Susan, I'm going to have you. Susan, I'm going to have you.

1145
01:30:20.000 --> 01:30:22.240
Susan, unmute yourself again, because I had to mute everybody.

1146
01:30:23.680 --> 01:30:24.800
Okay, got it.

1147
01:30:24.800 --> 01:30:25.200
Thank you.

1148
01:30:25.840 --> 01:30:27.920
Thanks. So...

1149
01:30:27.920 --> 01:30:32.320
Okay, so he said, I'm going to keep you posted about Sunday,

1150
01:30:32.320 --> 01:30:34.080
because he has dropped his daughter off.

1151
01:30:34.080 --> 01:30:39.040
Yes. Sorry, hold on one second. And Sunday, yeah. So he said,

1152
01:30:39.040 --> 01:30:42.400
I'll message you Sunday after I drop her off.

1153
01:30:42.960 --> 01:30:43.680
Okay.

1154
01:30:43.680 --> 01:30:47.920
And I was kind of like, I don't really like last minute, but I'll let him message me.

1155
01:30:47.920 --> 01:30:49.280
Well, he never messaged me.

1156
01:30:50.080 --> 01:30:50.960
He never did?

1157
01:30:50.960 --> 01:30:51.920
Never did.

1158
01:30:51.920 --> 01:30:52.400
Okay.

1159
01:30:52.400 --> 01:30:54.720
So then Monday morning, I get a like, hey, beautiful.

1160
01:30:55.280 --> 01:30:59.680
Um, I know we talked about, you know, meeting on Tuesday.

1161
01:31:00.800 --> 01:31:04.240
I promise I don't want to be a pen pal. Like, I promise I really want to meet you.

1162
01:31:04.240 --> 01:31:05.520
But Wednesday would be better.

1163
01:31:06.480 --> 01:31:09.200
Like, all right, sure, we can move it to Wednesday.

1164
01:31:10.000 --> 01:31:11.360
So I said, just send me the place.

1165
01:31:13.680 --> 01:31:16.320
It got to three hours before the date Wednesday.

1166
01:31:16.320 --> 01:31:18.480
And he messaged me, hey, are we on for tonight?

1167
01:31:18.480 --> 01:31:20.640
And I had no idea where we're meeting or what time.

1168
01:31:20.880 --> 01:31:23.280
So I was really pissed off.

1169
01:31:24.480 --> 01:31:31.680
And, um, I sent him an audio because I thought, well, maybe it's better to do an audio

1170
01:31:31.680 --> 01:31:34.000
instead of text. So the tone of voice is nice.

1171
01:31:34.000 --> 01:31:36.400
Yes, I love it. I love that.

1172
01:31:36.400 --> 01:31:41.360
I did like a nice tone of voice. I was like, hey, you know, I'm not, I need like 24 to 48

1173
01:31:41.360 --> 01:31:45.600
hours notice. I need to have the place. I'm not a last minute person.

1174
01:31:46.160 --> 01:31:51.120
I, you know, I said, like, you seem intentional, like, but communication is coming an issue

1175
01:31:51.120 --> 01:31:52.560
because that's all I have to go on.

1176
01:31:52.560 --> 01:31:54.000
I don't know you yet.

1177
01:31:54.000 --> 01:31:55.840
So all I have to go on is your word.

1178
01:31:55.840 --> 01:31:56.560
We haven't met.

1179
01:31:57.200 --> 01:31:59.920
And the communication thing is starting to become an issue.

1180
01:31:59.920 --> 01:32:02.080
But I'm willing to give you another opportunity.

1181
01:32:03.440 --> 01:32:07.920
But like, there was a like, I was trying so hard, but there was a slight irritation in

1182
01:32:07.920 --> 01:32:09.760
that second audio I sent.

1183
01:32:09.760 --> 01:32:10.560
So he could tell.

1184
01:32:11.200 --> 01:32:13.360
And he called me after work.

1185
01:32:13.360 --> 01:32:15.440
And he called me after work.

1186
01:32:15.440 --> 01:32:17.920
I was like, I apologize.

1187
01:32:19.040 --> 01:32:22.960
He's like, has a very, like de escalating, which is good for me.

1188
01:32:22.960 --> 01:32:24.960
He's a very calm and patient.

1189
01:32:24.960 --> 01:32:27.200
He's like, you're valid.

1190
01:32:27.200 --> 01:32:28.880
I knew I should have messaged you earlier.

1191
01:32:29.680 --> 01:32:31.200
And he's like, I can handle your anger.

1192
01:32:31.200 --> 01:32:32.240
I want you to let it out.

1193
01:32:32.240 --> 01:32:33.200
Give it to me.

1194
01:32:33.200 --> 01:32:34.240
Like, I can handle it.

1195
01:32:34.240 --> 01:32:35.520
I'm a grown man.

1196
01:32:36.160 --> 01:32:37.760
And you're totally right.

1197
01:32:37.760 --> 01:32:40.240
And then he admitted, like, I'm not an experienced dater.

1198
01:32:40.240 --> 01:32:43.920
I've only had three, like, long term relationships, and I don't really know how to date.

1199
01:32:45.200 --> 01:32:47.120
So then we had a nice conversation.

1200
01:32:47.120 --> 01:32:50.880
And then, you know, we both were like, oh, now we're more excited to meet each other

1201
01:32:50.880 --> 01:32:53.360
because we've like, I guess, worked through this problem.

1202
01:32:53.920 --> 01:32:56.960
Okay, scheduled again for the following Tuesday.

1203
01:32:57.520 --> 01:32:59.120
Okay, this was today.

1204
01:32:59.920 --> 01:33:02.720
Tonight, he texted me a few times to check in.

1205
01:33:04.080 --> 01:33:06.080
Sunday night, he told me he'd message me.

1206
01:33:06.960 --> 01:33:10.080
Monday night for like, give me the time and the place.

1207
01:33:10.080 --> 01:33:10.640
I said, thanks.

1208
01:33:10.640 --> 01:33:11.600
Perfect.

1209
01:33:11.600 --> 01:33:13.840
Last night, he messaged me at like, 730.

1210
01:33:13.840 --> 01:33:16.400
Hey, Susan, like, hi, Brandon.

1211
01:33:16.400 --> 01:33:17.440
How was your day?

1212
01:33:17.440 --> 01:33:18.160
My day was good.

1213
01:33:18.160 --> 01:33:18.880
How was yours?

1214
01:33:18.880 --> 01:33:20.240
Oh, good, busy.

1215
01:33:20.240 --> 01:33:21.840
And then he just like, disappeared.

1216
01:33:21.840 --> 01:33:23.920
And I'm like, okay.

1217
01:33:23.920 --> 01:33:25.200
So I waited like, an hour.

1218
01:33:25.200 --> 01:33:27.440
And I was like, do I do I just leave it in his court?

1219
01:33:27.440 --> 01:33:28.160
Or do I say something?

1220
01:33:28.160 --> 01:33:32.160
Finally, I said, so are you going to give me the place and the time for tomorrow?

1221
01:33:32.240 --> 01:33:36.000
So he sends me like, a place and he's like, here, how about six?

1222
01:33:36.720 --> 01:33:39.440
And I wrote back and said, yeah, that could work.

1223
01:33:39.440 --> 01:33:42.080
But I did notice that they're actually closing shortly after.

1224
01:33:43.120 --> 01:33:46.640
Okay, and then no responses disappeared.

1225
01:33:47.200 --> 01:33:48.400
Okay, I was frustrated.

1226
01:33:48.400 --> 01:33:49.440
I was irritated.

1227
01:33:49.440 --> 01:33:53.600
Yeah, I woke up this morning to good morning, Susan, I'm going to need to reschedule.

1228
01:33:53.600 --> 01:33:54.560
And I didn't like that.

1229
01:33:54.560 --> 01:34:00.320
It was like, no apology, no explanation.

1230
01:34:00.320 --> 01:34:01.600
No explanation.

1231
01:34:01.600 --> 01:34:04.240
And I was like, okay, I feel like I've really given him chances.

1232
01:34:04.240 --> 01:34:04.880
I just don't know.

1233
01:34:04.880 --> 01:34:05.680
And I will.

1234
01:34:05.680 --> 01:34:09.760
Yes, I will definitely say, girl, you have given him a lot of chances.

1235
01:34:09.760 --> 01:34:18.640
And I think you have really shown up the way that we have coached you in discovery dating.

1236
01:34:18.640 --> 01:34:22.000
And I think you're recognizing how you are showing up differently.

1237
01:34:22.800 --> 01:34:25.760
Like you're recognizing, okay, I'm going to give this a shot.

1238
01:34:25.760 --> 01:34:28.240
And I'm going to look at this and I don't like this.

1239
01:34:28.800 --> 01:34:34.560
The best thing that I heard that I wrote down and I was like, this is awesome.

1240
01:34:37.440 --> 01:34:40.720
You gave him the audio and you put boundaries up.

1241
01:34:41.840 --> 01:34:45.440
You're like, hey, I love that you're being intentional.

1242
01:34:45.440 --> 01:34:47.920
But this communication is becoming an issue.

1243
01:34:47.920 --> 01:34:49.280
It's all I have to go on.

1244
01:34:50.160 --> 01:34:53.120
And because we don't know each other yet.

1245
01:34:53.120 --> 01:34:56.160
And I'm someone that needs a little more time.

1246
01:34:56.160 --> 01:34:57.680
I can't do things last minute.

1247
01:34:58.240 --> 01:34:59.680
You communicated.

1248
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:09.800
what you needed. And I like that he's showing up and trying to you know be

1249
01:35:09.800 --> 01:35:17.720
more intentional but the thing that I'm seeing I don't love I don't love him

1250
01:35:17.720 --> 01:35:23.680
saying I can handle your anger. Okay. Like at this point ladies this is when we're

1251
01:35:23.680 --> 01:35:30.840
gathering information. Okay. He's intentional but he's also not following

1252
01:35:30.840 --> 01:35:36.400
through with what he says he's gonna do. Okay. We can give him grace but she's

1253
01:35:36.400 --> 01:35:42.520
setting boundaries and communicating I don't this is what I need. She she the

1254
01:35:42.520 --> 01:35:50.880
the information she's get she has is he's 30 she's 44. He's he's mature in

1255
01:35:50.880 --> 01:35:59.480
some areas but we're seeing how even at 30 there's still some immaturity that's

1256
01:35:59.480 --> 01:36:05.520
possibly still there. Okay. There's information that we're getting. Okay. And

1257
01:36:05.520 --> 01:36:11.640
even when he might have now started following through a little better he's

1258
01:36:11.640 --> 01:36:17.000
still getting a little flaky with oh now I've got to cancel and oh hey how's it

1259
01:36:17.000 --> 01:36:22.720
going that she's still having to be like okay where are we going exactly

1260
01:36:22.720 --> 01:36:30.240
fine like she's still kind of having to pull him along okay he's not he might

1261
01:36:30.240 --> 01:36:38.440
have some great qualities and how he's handling himself and has demeanor but

1262
01:36:38.440 --> 01:36:43.480
he's really not leading well that's not showing up okay doesn't mean he's a bad

1263
01:36:43.480 --> 01:36:50.440
guy but I don't see a lot of leading here right he's young he's so 30 okay

1264
01:36:50.440 --> 01:36:56.320
that's okay doesn't make him a bad person but you're getting information

1265
01:36:56.320 --> 01:37:00.800
you're showing up differently and you're learning and you're growing and you're

1266
01:37:00.800 --> 01:37:05.000
practicing this stuff and that's what discovery dating is all about and so

1267
01:37:05.000 --> 01:37:13.360
again I hear him say I can handle your anger at 30 years old that I don't love

1268
01:37:13.400 --> 01:37:20.600
because now that's giving me some more information that well that's great that

1269
01:37:20.600 --> 01:37:26.080
you can handle my anger but I don't want to feel like I have to get angry in

1270
01:37:26.080 --> 01:37:31.560
order for it to be something that you have to handle right ladies like you're

1271
01:37:31.560 --> 01:37:38.840
that off to set up a first date like yeah that's great when you because ladies

1272
01:37:38.840 --> 01:37:45.720
let's be real okay we're allowed to have our emotions all right my husband

1273
01:37:45.720 --> 01:37:50.360
will tell you there are times I get whoo all right and I can get angry and God

1274
01:37:50.360 --> 01:37:59.200
bless him he does know how to sometimes defuse it but I don't want my husband

1275
01:37:59.200 --> 01:38:10.720
not learning how to handle my anger I want him to learn how to help me not

1276
01:38:10.720 --> 01:38:18.840
get angry about things again it's not his responsibility it's still on me but

1277
01:38:18.840 --> 01:38:27.480
I want someone who's going to partner with me and it sounds like this guy is

1278
01:38:27.520 --> 01:38:32.440
not there yet he just he might be mature in some areas I just don't know if he's

1279
01:38:32.440 --> 01:38:35.920
mature in all areas and it doesn't sound like he's really leading in a great

1280
01:38:35.920 --> 01:38:43.440
place yeah you get to decide Susan I'm like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna if you

1281
01:38:43.440 --> 01:38:48.560
want my okay again I'm not telling you what to do ladies I'm not gonna ever

1282
01:38:48.560 --> 01:38:52.400
just tell you what to do you're gonna have to take to the Lord if it were me I

1283
01:38:53.120 --> 01:38:58.160
would say thanks for your time this isn't gonna work out yeah I appreciate

1284
01:38:58.160 --> 01:39:02.080
your intentionality I I learned something like here's the thing you

1285
01:39:02.080 --> 01:39:07.360
learn something you learn that there are men out there who will be intentional

1286
01:39:07.360 --> 01:39:16.080
will call you like the audio message you like that they can talk to you and

1287
01:39:16.080 --> 01:39:23.040
communicate in a respectful tone and and not get emotionally deregulated if

1288
01:39:23.040 --> 01:39:29.840
you are maybe dysregulated okay that's yeah I like that yeah I really need that

1289
01:39:29.840 --> 01:39:36.680
that's really good traits here but I'm like this is like so it's not like this

1290
01:39:36.680 --> 01:39:42.760
this is not a loss it's a win this is discovery dating so I don't think this

1291
01:39:42.760 --> 01:39:45.640
is something that you have to get discouraged by I think you think you

1292
01:39:45.640 --> 01:39:50.240
know what Lord this was awesome it might not have gone the way you wanted

1293
01:39:50.240 --> 01:39:58.440
it to it's kind of disappointing but like you have done so much work and so

1294
01:39:58.440 --> 01:40:00.960
much growth

1295
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.000
And that I want to celebrate that.

1296
01:40:04.000 --> 01:40:05.000
Thanks.

1297
01:40:05.000 --> 01:40:06.000
Yeah.

1298
01:40:06.000 --> 01:40:09.000
I'm proud of myself for getting that far and being that patient.

1299
01:40:09.000 --> 01:40:10.000
Yes.

1300
01:40:10.000 --> 01:40:12.000
And so you're like, that's what I'm saying.

1301
01:40:12.000 --> 01:40:14.000
You're learning, you're, you're seeing, okay.

1302
01:40:14.000 --> 01:40:19.000
There are men out there that can show up in a way that is not reactive.

1303
01:40:19.000 --> 01:40:21.000
That's good.

1304
01:40:21.000 --> 01:40:24.000
You're also recognizing.

1305
01:40:24.000 --> 01:40:27.000
One of your boundaries and things that you don't like,

1306
01:40:27.000 --> 01:40:30.000
You don't want someone who just wants to handle your behavior.

1307
01:40:30.000 --> 01:40:34.000
You want someone that's going to show up and partner with you so that

1308
01:40:34.000 --> 01:40:36.000
they can learn.

1309
01:40:36.000 --> 01:40:38.000
What are your needs and that they are going to lead that,

1310
01:40:38.000 --> 01:40:41.000
that they're going to help in that they're going to partner with that.

1311
01:40:41.000 --> 01:40:42.000
Now,

1312
01:40:42.000 --> 01:40:46.000
If you really do struggle with being reactive,

1313
01:40:46.000 --> 01:40:49.000
that's going to be something God's going to work, work on you.

1314
01:40:49.000 --> 01:40:50.000
Yeah.

1315
01:40:50.000 --> 01:40:51.000
Guess what I will.

1316
01:40:51.000 --> 01:40:54.000
I promise you just because I'm in it.

1317
01:40:55.000 --> 01:40:59.000
That's something that I have to work on my reactions and God will work,

1318
01:40:59.000 --> 01:41:01.000
work with you on that in your marriage.

1319
01:41:01.000 --> 01:41:03.000
God is stretching me there.

1320
01:41:03.000 --> 01:41:05.000
Like I have to check myself.

1321
01:41:05.000 --> 01:41:06.000
It's very easy.

1322
01:41:06.000 --> 01:41:09.000
Cause I have some, some trauma, some insecurities that have surfaced.

1323
01:41:09.000 --> 01:41:13.000
So that's but again,

1324
01:41:13.000 --> 01:41:17.000
I was able to see what my, you know,

1325
01:41:17.000 --> 01:41:20.000
I got to know my husband in our dating and, and,

1326
01:41:20.000 --> 01:41:23.000
And, and, and see that out and see, you know,

1327
01:41:23.000 --> 01:41:26.000
he was solid in some areas.

1328
01:41:26.000 --> 01:41:28.000
Now does he have things that he needs to grow in? Absolutely.

1329
01:41:28.000 --> 01:41:32.000
But God's showing me like he's showing all of you ladies,

1330
01:41:32.000 --> 01:41:36.000
there are certain things that are ours to carry and certain things that are

1331
01:41:36.000 --> 01:41:39.000
others and certain things that are gods.

1332
01:41:39.000 --> 01:41:43.000
So thank you so much for sharing that with us.

1333
01:41:43.000 --> 01:41:49.000
I think that was so good for all the ladies to get to hear.

1334
01:41:49.000 --> 01:41:52.000
And I hope ladies made it through the replay to that,

1335
01:41:52.000 --> 01:41:58.000
because that was such an awesome moment to learn from.

1336
01:41:59.000 --> 01:42:00.000
Thank you, Carla. Do you,

1337
01:42:00.000 --> 01:42:04.000
were you bothered by the fact that he didn't apologize this morning either?

1338
01:42:04.000 --> 01:42:05.000
Like it wasn't, I'm sorry.

1339
01:42:05.000 --> 01:42:08.000
I need to reschedule or like give a reason.

1340
01:42:09.000 --> 01:42:10.000
That's one of those things again,

1341
01:42:10.000 --> 01:42:14.000
that could be a deeper question that you take with the Lord. Okay.

1342
01:42:14.000 --> 01:42:17.000
You're allowed to have those feelings be like, that really bothered me.

1343
01:42:18.000 --> 01:42:19.000
But again,

1344
01:42:20.000 --> 01:42:24.000
I wouldn't focus so much on what he did or didn't do.

1345
01:42:24.000 --> 01:42:28.000
I would be asking more of God.

1346
01:42:28.000 --> 01:42:32.000
Why did that bother me the way that it did and see if,

1347
01:42:32.000 --> 01:42:35.000
and ask God, is there, is there something that you want to show me there?

1348
01:42:37.000 --> 01:42:41.000
I mean, it's okay to be bothered. That's I'm not saying that you,

1349
01:42:41.000 --> 01:42:43.000
you know, like, yeah, that's annoying. I'd be annoyed,

1350
01:42:43.000 --> 01:42:46.000
but I wouldn't put so much focus on that.

1351
01:42:46.000 --> 01:42:49.000
And if, if that's where your mind is going,

1352
01:42:49.000 --> 01:42:52.000
I would sit and be like, why does that bother me?

1353
01:42:53.000 --> 01:42:54.000
Why is it?

1354
01:42:54.000 --> 01:42:58.000
Why is that something that I'm focusing on and see what comes up,

1355
01:42:58.000 --> 01:43:01.000
see what God reveals to you. Okay. But yeah.

1356
01:43:02.000 --> 01:43:05.000
Thank you so much. Thanks for all the love in the chat. Ladies.

1357
01:43:06.000 --> 01:43:09.000
Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. All right. All right.

1358
01:43:09.000 --> 01:43:12.000
I'm stretching the time out for you girl. Cause I want, we're going to,

1359
01:43:12.000 --> 01:43:15.000
we're going to process what we can process through. Okay. Okay.

1360
01:43:17.000 --> 01:43:20.000
I'm looking at the chat too. I love you ladies supporting her.

1361
01:43:20.000 --> 01:43:22.000
Just so good. I love it. I love it.

1362
01:43:25.000 --> 01:43:26.000
All right, girl.

1363
01:43:27.000 --> 01:43:31.000
Sounds like you just feeling like a little discouraged.

1364
01:43:33.000 --> 01:43:36.000
Like you need to hear from God. Yeah.

1365
01:43:36.000 --> 01:43:38.000
Tell me the situation that's going on. What's,

1366
01:43:38.000 --> 01:43:40.000
what are you feeling like you're still struggling with?

1367
01:43:41.000 --> 01:43:45.000
So I guess what really brought this up is that we had, we had,

1368
01:43:46.000 --> 01:43:49.000
um, our, my church that I attend, we just,

1369
01:43:49.000 --> 01:43:52.000
we just celebrated our 50th church anniversary.

1370
01:43:53.000 --> 01:43:57.000
One of the celebrations, our celebration ended this, this past weekend,

1371
01:43:58.000 --> 01:44:00.000
but the celebration, we, uh, the,

1372
01:44:00.000 --> 01:44:03.000
we had a conference, um, called we the kingdom.

1373
01:44:03.000 --> 01:44:07.000
And, um, one of the, one of the sessions, um,

1374
01:44:07.000 --> 01:44:12.000
during the, we, the kingdom conference was a discussion panel and it had,

1375
01:44:13.000 --> 01:44:18.000
um, our, it had three people on it, including Beth Moore. And, um,

1376
01:44:19.000 --> 01:44:23.000
anyways, one of the questions, one that they opened up for,

1377
01:44:23.000 --> 01:44:26.000
for questions. And one of the questions was, um,

1378
01:44:27.000 --> 01:44:29.000
they asked us to submit questions.

1379
01:44:29.000 --> 01:44:34.000
Earlier in the week. And I did submit a question and the question that got

1380
01:44:34.000 --> 01:44:38.000
read, it wasn't mine, but it was on the same lines as mine. Okay.

1381
01:44:38.000 --> 01:44:39.000
And, um,

1382
01:44:39.000 --> 01:44:44.000
this person said that she was 37 years old and that she was,

1383
01:44:45.000 --> 01:44:49.000
and that she was, that, that she just, and that she wanted to,

1384
01:44:49.000 --> 01:44:52.000
she desired marriage, but she,

1385
01:44:52.000 --> 01:44:55.000
but it felt like time was ticking away.

1386
01:44:55.000 --> 01:45:00.000
And she said that she was 37 years old and that she just wanted to,

1387
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.000
to get married.

1388
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:08.240
and nothing was happening, and it made her feel like she was struggling in her relationship

1389
01:45:08.240 --> 01:45:14.560
with God because she felt like she was forgotten as she was watching everybody else experience

1390
01:45:14.560 --> 01:45:18.800
that and she wanted to know what should she do.

1391
01:45:18.800 --> 01:45:20.280
Okay.

1392
01:45:20.280 --> 01:45:33.440
And so my question that I had asked, it didn't get read, but it was similar, was you feel

1393
01:45:33.440 --> 01:45:39.880
discouraged but you don't want to walk away from your relationship with God because you've

1394
01:45:39.880 --> 01:45:48.480
been there, done that, that was a failure, but now how do you handle that disappointment

1395
01:45:48.480 --> 01:45:51.980
and discouragement and still?

1396
01:45:51.980 --> 01:45:59.400
And so her question was, and she's 30 and I'm 48, and so I could totally understand

1397
01:45:59.400 --> 01:46:02.220
where she was coming from.

1398
01:46:02.220 --> 01:46:08.280
But the reply that literally one of the pastors on the panel literally refused to answer the

1399
01:46:08.280 --> 01:46:09.280
question.

1400
01:46:09.280 --> 01:46:14.800
He literally said, I'm not getting into that, I don't want to answer the question.

1401
01:46:14.800 --> 01:46:17.520
It was a man?

1402
01:46:17.560 --> 01:46:18.560
Yes.

1403
01:46:18.560 --> 01:46:19.560
That's why.

1404
01:46:19.560 --> 01:46:27.600
And then, but then our former senior pastor answered it kind of like, it's like the same

1405
01:46:27.600 --> 01:46:35.640
thing we always hear as singles, in my opinion, serve God and wait.

1406
01:46:35.640 --> 01:46:44.840
And then I was talking to one of my girlfriends who's 40 and a little bit, well, I think she's

1407
01:46:44.840 --> 01:46:46.360
like 45.

1408
01:46:46.360 --> 01:46:51.040
So we're around the same, we're experiencing the same thing of like, we don't, like, where

1409
01:46:51.040 --> 01:46:52.040
is God?

1410
01:46:52.040 --> 01:46:53.040
What do we keep asking?

1411
01:46:53.040 --> 01:46:59.200
We're at the point where we don't no longer ask, you know what I mean?

1412
01:46:59.200 --> 01:47:06.600
And so it's like, and to get that, like, kind of like, just keep serving and keep and keep

1413
01:47:06.600 --> 01:47:07.600
just keep swimming.

1414
01:47:07.600 --> 01:47:08.600
Yeah.

1415
01:47:08.600 --> 01:47:09.600
Yeah.

1416
01:47:09.600 --> 01:47:15.720
And, and it's like, and it really upset, it really upset me.

1417
01:47:15.720 --> 01:47:16.720
Yeah.

1418
01:47:16.720 --> 01:47:23.400
And I, and I, I ended up like, I literally had a cry session with God just yesterday

1419
01:47:23.400 --> 01:47:24.400
about it.

1420
01:47:24.400 --> 01:47:29.440
And I felt like I needed to like, I emailed, I really did.

1421
01:47:29.440 --> 01:47:32.160
I literally emailed my church.

1422
01:47:32.160 --> 01:47:42.360
I did get, and I, and I'll read to you what I wrote, because I, but I just felt like,

1423
01:47:42.360 --> 01:47:51.120
I felt like I needed to speak up for, for other singles because I just, I just, and,

1424
01:47:51.120 --> 01:47:55.720
and on top of that, our singles ministry is not the greatest, like, it's not like, you

1425
01:47:55.720 --> 01:48:01.280
know, anyways, I put dear pastors and I put my church's name.

1426
01:48:01.280 --> 01:48:07.520
My name is Shirai Gully, and I have been a member of, of CBF since 2021, serving in

1427
01:48:07.520 --> 01:48:10.520
the choir still since joining during week.

1428
01:48:10.520 --> 01:48:13.560
And I explained to them what happened tonight.

1429
01:48:13.560 --> 01:48:18.720
And then I said, I said, for those of us who are 30, 40 or beyond and have never been married

1430
01:48:18.720 --> 01:48:23.560
or had children, but deeply desire both, this journey is not simply about waiting.

1431
01:48:23.560 --> 01:48:26.080
It is an emotional rollercoaster.

1432
01:48:26.080 --> 01:48:31.720
I am 48 years old and while I love God and sincerely desire to honor him with my life,

1433
01:48:31.720 --> 01:48:36.160
there is real grief in watching year after year pass while the desires of your heart

1434
01:48:36.160 --> 01:48:38.400
remain unfilled.

1435
01:48:38.400 --> 01:48:43.120
I don't believe those who married young can fully understand the unique weight of this

1436
01:48:43.120 --> 01:48:44.240
experience.

1437
01:48:44.240 --> 01:48:48.960
Week after week, many sermons naturally speak to couples and families, while singles are

1438
01:48:48.960 --> 01:48:54.600
often mentioned only briefly or as an afterthought, sometimes with the reminder that Paul said

1439
01:48:54.600 --> 01:48:57.000
it is better to remain unmarried.

1440
01:48:57.000 --> 01:48:59.440
But many of us are not choosing singleness.

1441
01:48:59.440 --> 01:49:03.720
We are faithfully living it while longing for marriage and family.

1442
01:49:03.720 --> 01:49:07.040
Please don't overlook us or unintentionally dismiss our pain.

1443
01:49:07.040 --> 01:49:10.200
We are serving, we are trusting, and we are seeking God.

1444
01:49:10.200 --> 01:49:12.040
We are not asking for easy answers.

1445
01:49:12.040 --> 01:49:16.240
We are asking to be seen, acknowledged, and shepherded with compassion.

1446
01:49:16.240 --> 01:49:20.800
It hurts and sometimes we simply need our grief to be recognized.

1447
01:49:20.800 --> 01:49:21.800
Thank you for listening.

1448
01:49:21.800 --> 01:49:23.800
Grace and peace, Shirai Gully.

1449
01:49:24.000 --> 01:49:26.000
That's beautiful.

1450
01:49:28.000 --> 01:49:30.000
And I did get a response.

1451
01:49:30.000 --> 01:49:31.000
Did you get a response?

1452
01:49:31.000 --> 01:49:32.000
My church is huge.

1453
01:49:32.000 --> 01:49:39.000
So I did get a response and I was told that my message was going to be passed on to my pastor.

1454
01:49:41.000 --> 01:49:50.000
And so I think that's where, when you asked that question or asked us to write down things,

1455
01:49:50.000 --> 01:49:52.000
that's where that came from.

1456
01:49:52.200 --> 01:49:53.200
Yeah.

1457
01:49:54.200 --> 01:49:59.200
Well, and this is, okay, so there's some things that with what you're sharing, I actually...

1458
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.320
Do you believe that you are hearing from God?

1459
01:50:05.440 --> 01:50:13.920
And what you're experiencing is so valid. And I think every woman that's on this call,

1460
01:50:14.720 --> 01:50:18.400
especially for those of us that are over 30 and still single and never been married,

1461
01:50:20.000 --> 01:50:26.880
know exactly what you're talking about. We have experienced it. Y'all, I didn't get proposed to

1462
01:50:26.960 --> 01:50:30.560
and married until I was 40. I was a single mom. I had never been married before.

1463
01:50:31.520 --> 01:50:40.000
So I think we all could probably put in the chat all the ways that we feel like the church doesn't

1464
01:50:40.000 --> 01:50:48.800
serve us as singles. I think we are all, literally, like that's kind of how we just

1465
01:50:49.520 --> 01:50:54.560
connect in community, especially as Christian singles. We're like, they just don't get it.

1466
01:50:55.120 --> 01:51:01.360
Right? And so what you're experiencing and what you're feeling, I don't want you to discount that.

1467
01:51:03.280 --> 01:51:10.480
And I think it's very, very valid. And I couldn't help but think to myself,

1468
01:51:12.560 --> 01:51:22.160
what if you sitting in that conference and being someone who's in your 40s and single

1469
01:51:23.120 --> 01:51:31.200
and listening and watching this panel of pastors try to respond to this question, which by the way,

1470
01:51:31.200 --> 01:51:36.320
they're the ones that picked it. They picked that question yet. They couldn't figure out

1471
01:51:36.320 --> 01:51:40.960
how to answer it and how to serve the singles that they're trying to answer to. Okay. And I'm

1472
01:51:40.960 --> 01:51:45.600
not saying that they're not, they don't have a heart for that. Okay. That they're not,

1473
01:51:45.600 --> 01:51:53.360
that they're not good pastors that they, you know, like, I genuinely believe that

1474
01:51:55.360 --> 01:52:03.440
the church doesn't mean to not show up for singles. A lot of times they just don't know how,

1475
01:52:03.440 --> 01:52:10.240
because they haven't walked through it themselves. And that's why I think this community

1476
01:52:11.200 --> 01:52:16.880
is so important. And so that's why I think, what if

1477
01:52:19.520 --> 01:52:24.800
God has brought you through this season because he wants to use you

1478
01:52:26.800 --> 01:52:37.840
to touch singles that have been in your seat so that you can bring that reconciliation

1479
01:52:40.240 --> 01:52:47.440
back so that singles just like yourself, and just like me, and just like every single one

1480
01:52:47.440 --> 01:52:56.480
of these women on this call can show up and feel that they're being seen, heard, known, and loved.

1481
01:52:59.600 --> 01:53:03.840
That's important. And that doesn't mean

1482
01:53:04.080 --> 01:53:18.880
that it doesn't hurt when you feel like God has missed you. That's real. Ladies, that is so real.

1483
01:53:25.600 --> 01:53:28.400
I mean, I think we all can sit with that for a moment.

1484
01:53:34.560 --> 01:53:36.400
I remember what that feels like.

1485
01:53:38.480 --> 01:53:42.960
Sometimes I show up on these calls and I get so concerned

1486
01:53:44.800 --> 01:53:53.120
that you ladies don't want to hear from me because I got married and I think, oh, I'm so disqualified.

1487
01:53:55.840 --> 01:54:00.720
But I'm like, you know what, God, I actually know that's the enemy

1488
01:54:01.600 --> 01:54:10.640
because I'm here because I don't want what I felt and what I experienced and the hurt and the pain

1489
01:54:10.640 --> 01:54:19.280
and the struggle and the difficulty that I had to walk through to ever go unnoticed in each

1490
01:54:19.280 --> 01:54:23.120
and every one of the other singles that are out there in the church.

1491
01:54:23.600 --> 01:54:34.800
I remember what that felt like. And if God took me through that and showed me that, hey,

1492
01:54:36.320 --> 01:54:47.600
I'm still faithful, I'm going to do that for you all. I'm here to serve you all because there were

1493
01:54:47.680 --> 01:54:54.720
to serve you all because there were people like Jackie that did that for me.

1494
01:54:58.000 --> 01:55:00.080
She saw me.

1495
01:55:00.560 --> 01:55:02.600
She heard me.

1496
01:55:02.600 --> 01:55:07.600
She listened to the Lord and what he placed on her heart.

1497
01:55:11.880 --> 01:55:14.400
There are pastors and people in the church

1498
01:55:14.400 --> 01:55:15.920
that just don't get it.

1499
01:55:18.040 --> 01:55:20.660
And ladies, I don't want that to discourage you.

1500
01:55:23.440 --> 01:55:27.920
Don't allow the enemy to utilize people in the church

1501
01:55:28.840 --> 01:55:30.760
to take your eyes off of him.

1502
01:55:35.680 --> 01:55:39.720
Instead, sit with him and be like,

1503
01:55:39.720 --> 01:55:42.680
okay, Lord, what is it that you're showing me?

1504
01:55:42.680 --> 01:55:45.420
There is a need in the church.

1505
01:55:45.420 --> 01:55:48.060
There's a need for us singles, Lord.

1506
01:55:50.240 --> 01:55:52.000
What have you brought me?

1507
01:55:52.000 --> 01:55:53.160
What do I need?

1508
01:55:53.160 --> 01:55:54.200
What have you brought me?

1509
01:55:54.200 --> 01:55:56.180
What do I still need from you?

1510
01:55:58.760 --> 01:56:03.640
This community is such a blessing.

1511
01:56:05.520 --> 01:56:09.540
I believe that this community has such a heavy anointing

1512
01:56:09.540 --> 01:56:14.040
and calling because God sees us.

1513
01:56:20.000 --> 01:56:22.440
And he wants singles married.

1514
01:56:22.440 --> 01:56:26.640
And he wants to make sure that you all feel seen,

1515
01:56:26.640 --> 01:56:28.160
loved, known, and heard.

1516
01:56:30.360 --> 01:56:32.400
And to recognize, you know what,

1517
01:56:32.400 --> 01:56:34.960
when you have those moments of discouragement,

1518
01:56:34.960 --> 01:56:39.560
you don't go to resources that don't understand it.

1519
01:56:39.560 --> 01:56:42.240
You go to the resources that God has provided

1520
01:56:42.240 --> 01:56:44.540
and has given you that do.

1521
01:56:45.760 --> 01:56:50.760
That will sit and walk in the sadness

1522
01:56:51.040 --> 01:56:53.280
and the discouragement with you.

1523
01:56:54.280 --> 01:56:59.280
That have experienced it, that have the testimonies.

1524
01:57:02.720 --> 01:57:07.720
It's your testimony that's going to help the kingdom

1525
01:57:09.320 --> 01:57:12.020
where there's other people that are gonna need to be seen,

1526
01:57:12.020 --> 01:57:13.940
loved, heard, and known.

1527
01:57:16.800 --> 01:57:18.840
And that's what you're gonna hold on to.

1528
01:57:19.980 --> 01:57:21.060
God sees you.

1529
01:57:21.860 --> 01:57:24.980
Even when it doesn't feel like he does.

1530
01:57:26.820 --> 01:57:28.380
But he is using you.

1531
01:57:28.380 --> 01:57:29.880
You do hear from him.

1532
01:57:32.220 --> 01:57:36.980
I believe that he used you to speak up for the singles.

1533
01:57:40.740 --> 01:57:41.580
If it wasn't for,

1534
01:57:41.580 --> 01:57:44.220
what if you were the only one that sent that message?

1535
01:57:44.220 --> 01:57:49.220
What is it that God could have done

1536
01:57:50.260 --> 01:57:52.300
in the hearts of those pastors,

1537
01:57:52.300 --> 01:57:54.660
or whoever's gonna read your email,

1538
01:57:54.660 --> 01:57:56.340
could start something in the heart.

1539
01:57:56.340 --> 01:57:57.780
He could use that to start something

1540
01:57:57.780 --> 01:57:59.900
in the hearts of those pastors.

1541
01:58:01.260 --> 01:58:02.580
We don't know.

1542
01:58:02.580 --> 01:58:04.420
It's also not our job to carry it.

1543
01:58:04.420 --> 01:58:05.860
It's not our responsibility.

1544
01:58:08.700 --> 01:58:12.940
But I really do believe you are being obedient.

1545
01:58:12.940 --> 01:58:14.320
You were honoring yourself

1546
01:58:14.320 --> 01:58:16.740
and honoring what he put in your heart.

1547
01:58:18.260 --> 01:58:21.360
He asked, like he cares for the brokenhearted.

1548
01:58:24.420 --> 01:58:25.860
And he sees you.

1549
01:58:29.060 --> 01:58:33.380
And so I don't want you to feel discouraged that you,

1550
01:58:33.380 --> 01:58:36.540
you know, that, you know, how do I do that?

1551
01:58:36.540 --> 01:58:39.760
How do I, how do I carry what I'm supposed to carry

1552
01:58:39.760 --> 01:58:41.840
and not carry what God's was to carry?

1553
01:58:43.940 --> 01:58:48.940
I want you to sit with, what is God doing?

1554
01:58:49.700 --> 01:58:50.620
What is he showing you?

1555
01:58:50.620 --> 01:58:51.860
He's brought you to this community.

1556
01:58:51.860 --> 01:58:55.340
I don't think it's by circumstance that you're on this call.

1557
01:58:55.340 --> 01:58:57.480
I know I haven't seen you in a hot minute,

1558
01:58:59.620 --> 01:59:01.460
but I think it was for a reason.

1559
01:59:03.660 --> 01:59:08.660
To remind you, he's got you, you're in community.

1560
01:59:08.660 --> 01:59:13.660
This is your community.

1561
01:59:15.020 --> 01:59:17.700
So you said you're seeing your, your, your church,

1562
01:59:17.700 --> 01:59:20.260
your, your ministry, your singles, you know,

1563
01:59:20.260 --> 01:59:22.620
ministry at church doesn't do it very well.

1564
01:59:22.620 --> 01:59:24.260
That's okay.

1565
01:59:24.260 --> 01:59:25.100
Cause guess what?

1566
01:59:25.100 --> 01:59:28.380
You have a community that we do, we do it well.

1567
01:59:28.380 --> 01:59:32.220
Okay. We don't do it perfect, but we do it well.

1568
01:59:34.140 --> 01:59:36.940
Okay. We're going in about six years.

1569
01:59:36.940 --> 01:59:38.860
We have lots of success stories.

1570
01:59:38.860 --> 01:59:40.500
I know because I'm one of them.

1571
01:59:41.740 --> 01:59:46.740
Okay. I've walked this discouragement, the hopelessness.

1572
01:59:47.300 --> 01:59:49.220
I've walked that out.

1573
01:59:49.220 --> 01:59:52.660
Okay. I know what that looks like.

1574
01:59:52.660 --> 01:59:57.660
Ladies, I don't ever want you to feel like I don't see you.

1575
01:59:58.960 --> 02:00:00.060
I don't hear you.

1576
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.000
I don't know you because I do.

1577
02:00:07.000 --> 02:00:08.560
I've been there.

1578
02:00:08.560 --> 02:00:12.560
I've hurt, I've cried, I've like, what is happening?

1579
02:00:12.560 --> 02:00:14.480
God, why are you making it happen

1580
02:00:14.480 --> 02:00:16.360
for everybody else and not me?

1581
02:00:18.180 --> 02:00:20.140
Why does everybody else get the happily ever after

1582
02:00:20.140 --> 02:00:21.080
and not me?

1583
02:00:23.000 --> 02:00:24.840
I'm sitting here doing the work.

1584
02:00:24.840 --> 02:00:29.060
I'm showing up, but why is it not happening?

1585
02:00:31.000 --> 02:00:33.480
But it was through these calls,

1586
02:00:33.480 --> 02:00:37.120
it was through the women that are in this community,

1587
02:00:37.120 --> 02:00:39.440
it was through the stories and the testimonies,

1588
02:00:39.440 --> 02:00:41.960
and it was me being able to relate to others,

1589
02:00:41.960 --> 02:00:44.240
and it was the wisdom and the knowledge of the other women,

1590
02:00:44.240 --> 02:00:45.320
what they were experiencing

1591
02:00:45.320 --> 02:00:48.100
and what they were learning and growing in,

1592
02:00:48.100 --> 02:00:53.100
that stretched me to know what God was trying to show me

1593
02:00:53.940 --> 02:00:58.940
and then gave me the courage to step out in that faith

1594
02:01:00.020 --> 02:01:02.420
and to try things because I knew if I did

1595
02:01:04.140 --> 02:01:07.360
and it didn't go well, I had support.

1596
02:01:09.900 --> 02:01:12.320
And so I want to encourage you with that.

1597
02:01:16.300 --> 02:01:21.300
Like, ladies, don't put the focus on what God is doing

1598
02:01:23.300 --> 02:01:28.300
or don't put the focus on just because someone

1599
02:01:30.220 --> 02:01:33.780
has an anointing or a calling or God is, you know,

1600
02:01:35.300 --> 02:01:39.820
given someone a gift of ministry or what,

1601
02:01:39.820 --> 02:01:44.140
just because they have something doesn't mean

1602
02:01:45.060 --> 02:01:47.900
it's where you're gonna go to get your resource.

1603
02:01:47.900 --> 02:01:49.660
Like your source is God,

1604
02:01:49.660 --> 02:01:51.660
you need to see where your resources are.

1605
02:01:54.580 --> 02:01:57.380
So that panel that was up there,

1606
02:01:58.660 --> 02:02:00.620
I bet they were a good resource

1607
02:02:00.620 --> 02:02:02.140
for some other things for you.

1608
02:02:03.660 --> 02:02:07.920
What God wasn't gonna use them for

1609
02:02:07.920 --> 02:02:10.600
was to be a resource for your single season.

1610
02:02:12.380 --> 02:02:13.740
That's not the community,

1611
02:02:13.740 --> 02:02:15.280
those aren't the people that you lean on

1612
02:02:15.280 --> 02:02:17.300
to ask the questions about dating,

1613
02:02:17.300 --> 02:02:19.420
you don't get wisdom from those people.

1614
02:02:20.260 --> 02:02:23.460
Not that they, if God didn't give you the like,

1615
02:02:23.460 --> 02:02:25.740
hey, they probably understand you.

1616
02:02:25.740 --> 02:02:28.180
Cause like you said, if they married young

1617
02:02:29.020 --> 02:02:32.860
and that's not the thing that, you know,

1618
02:02:32.860 --> 02:02:37.180
they typically speak on, that might not be their lane.

1619
02:02:38.380 --> 02:02:41.060
Y'all, you're not gonna see Jackie go talk about

1620
02:02:41.060 --> 02:02:44.760
certain things that God hasn't given her a lane for.

1621
02:02:50.500 --> 02:02:55.060
Like I'm not, ladies, I'm not gonna go talk about politics.

1622
02:02:56.380 --> 02:03:01.140
I mean, I have some opinions, but guess what?

1623
02:03:01.140 --> 02:03:03.500
He hasn't given me the lane and said,

1624
02:03:03.500 --> 02:03:07.780
hey, I've given you the grace and the space

1625
02:03:07.780 --> 02:03:11.900
to go have that, okay?

1626
02:03:11.900 --> 02:03:14.140
He might give me a little subtle things,

1627
02:03:14.140 --> 02:03:18.300
but he's walked me through a single season.

1628
02:03:18.300 --> 02:03:20.620
He's walking me through blending a family.

1629
02:03:20.620 --> 02:03:23.140
He's walking me through, you know,

1630
02:03:23.140 --> 02:03:26.100
marriage that's gone through a lot like trauma,

1631
02:03:26.100 --> 02:03:29.740
not just me, but my husband and my kids.

1632
02:03:33.340 --> 02:03:35.300
He's walking me through certain seasons

1633
02:03:35.300 --> 02:03:38.540
where I'm having to walk through difficult things

1634
02:03:38.540 --> 02:03:41.380
because once he walks me through it,

1635
02:03:42.420 --> 02:03:45.660
I'm gonna get to use what I've walked through

1636
02:03:45.660 --> 02:03:47.220
to pour back into other people.

1637
02:03:47.220 --> 02:03:48.780
And that's what he's gonna do for each of you.

1638
02:03:48.780 --> 02:03:50.340
That's what Jackie was talking about

1639
02:03:50.340 --> 02:03:52.880
on Supernatural Saturday, ladies.

1640
02:03:52.880 --> 02:03:55.260
Y'all are the revivalists of this movement.

1641
02:03:56.420 --> 02:03:59.720
You're here to partner with what we're doing here.

1642
02:04:02.120 --> 02:04:05.900
God doesn't use just one person to push this wave

1643
02:04:05.900 --> 02:04:10.220
of kingdom marriage and family and reconciliation of that.

1644
02:04:10.220 --> 02:04:14.320
He uses the body of Christ to do that.

1645
02:04:15.320 --> 02:04:17.680
And he's using each and every one of you

1646
02:04:17.680 --> 02:04:19.040
and every one of your stories

1647
02:04:19.040 --> 02:04:21.400
and every single one of your tears

1648
02:04:21.400 --> 02:04:23.240
that you are crying,

1649
02:04:23.240 --> 02:04:27.680
that's going to literally sow in to the ground

1650
02:04:27.680 --> 02:04:29.680
and those seeds that have been planted.

1651
02:04:31.600 --> 02:04:34.940
That's what he's using you for.

1652
02:04:37.960 --> 02:04:40.920
Hold on to that, ladies.

1653
02:04:45.160 --> 02:04:48.360
He sees you, he knows you.

1654
02:04:50.000 --> 02:04:51.600
Partner with him.

1655
02:04:53.360 --> 02:04:58.360
Release what is his to carry and what is his to carry.

1656
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:02.240
and partner with what is ours.

1657
02:05:06.600 --> 02:05:08.160
Thank you so much, Sarai.

1658
02:05:08.160 --> 02:05:09.560
I'm so thankful.

1659
02:05:09.560 --> 02:05:12.240
I'm glad I stretched our call.

1660
02:05:15.880 --> 02:05:18.280
I'm thankful for Holy Spirit for showing up.

1661
02:05:19.800 --> 02:05:24.360
Sarai, I am so thankful for what you did.

1662
02:05:24.360 --> 02:05:27.720
That took courage to send that email.

1663
02:05:28.640 --> 02:05:31.360
It took courage to say, you know what?

1664
02:05:31.360 --> 02:05:32.560
This didn't feel good.

1665
02:05:37.200 --> 02:05:38.560
Have confidence.

1666
02:05:40.160 --> 02:05:44.480
God sees you and he's using you.

1667
02:05:48.120 --> 02:05:51.280
And he's got you in a community that sees you

1668
02:05:51.280 --> 02:05:54.200
and is here for you and is here to lift you up.

1669
02:05:58.720 --> 02:05:59.560
Okay.

1670
02:06:02.040 --> 02:06:03.840
Thank you, I appreciate that.

1671
02:06:03.840 --> 02:06:06.680
You feeling, like, how do you feel?

1672
02:06:06.680 --> 02:06:07.520
You feeling?

1673
02:06:07.520 --> 02:06:12.520
I mean, I felt validated by getting an actual response

1674
02:06:13.920 --> 02:06:16.800
because I didn't even think I was going to get a response.

1675
02:06:16.800 --> 02:06:17.640
Yeah.

1676
02:06:20.400 --> 02:06:22.640
Am I totally confident that it's actually

1677
02:06:22.640 --> 02:06:24.120
gonna get to our pastor?

1678
02:06:24.120 --> 02:06:24.960
I don't know.

1679
02:06:24.960 --> 02:06:25.800
I don't know.

1680
02:06:25.800 --> 02:06:26.640
And again, you're right.

1681
02:06:26.640 --> 02:06:30.200
So when you said, that's not my job to worry about the app,

1682
02:06:30.200 --> 02:06:31.480
that's an outcome.

1683
02:06:31.480 --> 02:06:33.600
That's the outcome, that's his.

1684
02:06:33.600 --> 02:06:34.440
You know what?

1685
02:06:34.440 --> 02:06:35.600
You could just sit there and just be like,

1686
02:06:35.600 --> 02:06:38.400
Lord, help me.

1687
02:06:38.400 --> 02:06:39.480
Help me, Lord.

1688
02:06:40.920 --> 02:06:43.040
Thank you for what you're showing me.

1689
02:06:43.040 --> 02:06:48.040
Like, grow me, teach me, show me, heal me, grow me, right?

1690
02:06:50.800 --> 02:06:53.520
Ladies, this, y'all, it's,

1691
02:06:53.520 --> 02:06:56.320
heart work is continual.

1692
02:06:57.600 --> 02:06:59.080
And Sara, you're doing that.

1693
02:06:59.080 --> 02:06:59.920
But you know what?

1694
02:06:59.920 --> 02:07:03.160
Never before this program would I have spoken up.

1695
02:07:04.040 --> 02:07:04.880
Exactly.

1696
02:07:05.880 --> 02:07:06.720
I wouldn't have.

1697
02:07:07.640 --> 02:07:08.640
That's what the heart work does.

1698
02:07:08.640 --> 02:07:09.840
That's why it's such a foundation.

1699
02:07:09.840 --> 02:07:12.240
Like, you learn it, then you come in, you know,

1700
02:07:12.240 --> 02:07:13.840
that's why I'm like, come to phase two,

1701
02:07:13.840 --> 02:07:17.440
cause we're gonna, I'm gonna, ladies, that is like,

1702
02:07:17.440 --> 02:07:22.440
I just feel like heaviness to do a lot of work

1703
02:07:22.680 --> 02:07:25.920
to do whatever it is that God calls me to do

1704
02:07:25.920 --> 02:07:28.600
to help you ladies walk out heart work.

1705
02:07:31.040 --> 02:07:34.920
Like, that's my heart.

1706
02:07:37.480 --> 02:07:40.200
I know what that feels like.

1707
02:07:42.440 --> 02:07:44.720
I know at times it can be discouraging

1708
02:07:44.720 --> 02:07:49.720
and I want to be encouraging to you all.

1709
02:07:53.200 --> 02:07:56.240
God has done such amazing things in this community

1710
02:07:56.240 --> 02:07:57.760
and he's still gonna do it.

1711
02:08:01.080 --> 02:08:04.800
And let me tell you, celebrating all the engagements

1712
02:08:04.800 --> 02:08:06.960
and the marriages, it is exciting.

1713
02:08:06.960 --> 02:08:11.080
And like, I'm telling you, there are women

1714
02:08:11.080 --> 02:08:14.240
that I've coached and that, like,

1715
02:08:15.640 --> 02:08:18.400
that literally thought they were never gonna get married.

1716
02:08:18.400 --> 02:08:21.880
That have literally been raw, real, and vulnerable,

1717
02:08:21.880 --> 02:08:24.080
just like you Sarat, like, and they were like,

1718
02:08:24.080 --> 02:08:26.200
this is it, like, what's happening?

1719
02:08:27.640 --> 02:08:32.640
And let me tell you, those stories come in

1720
02:08:33.000 --> 02:08:35.600
and see Jackie gets them all.

1721
02:08:35.600 --> 02:08:37.880
And I'm so thankful she posts them on her social media

1722
02:08:37.880 --> 02:08:40.800
cause then when I get to see them, I'm like, yes.

1723
02:08:40.800 --> 02:08:41.960
And that's gonna happen for you.

1724
02:08:41.960 --> 02:08:42.800
We just, we don't get,

1725
02:08:42.800 --> 02:08:44.760
unfortunately we don't get the outcome.

1726
02:08:44.880 --> 02:08:47.440
But there's a bigger purpose and a bigger relationship

1727
02:08:47.440 --> 02:08:49.480
that God is calling us to.

1728
02:08:52.680 --> 02:08:54.080
And that's so important.

1729
02:08:57.520 --> 02:09:01.440
And so I don't want us to miss that blessing.

1730
02:09:05.400 --> 02:09:08.600
And so I just, I thank each and every one of you

1731
02:09:08.600 --> 02:09:11.640
for sharing your story and sharing your story

1732
02:09:12.200 --> 02:09:15.560
and so I just, I thank each and every one of you.

1733
02:09:15.560 --> 02:09:18.600
I want, you know, ladies, I hope this afternoon,

1734
02:09:18.600 --> 02:09:23.040
I hope y'all feel encouraged and feel blessed,

1735
02:09:23.040 --> 02:09:25.520
feel loved, seen, known, all of it.

1736
02:09:26.720 --> 02:09:31.280
Thank your sisters for those that, you know,

1737
02:09:31.280 --> 02:09:33.200
open their hearts and ask the questions.

1738
02:09:33.200 --> 02:09:34.560
I only know, I know we only had three

1739
02:09:34.560 --> 02:09:35.600
and we're going this long,

1740
02:09:35.600 --> 02:09:39.960
but I really hope the message really spoke to you.

1741
02:09:39.960 --> 02:09:41.320
I think it was really timely.

1742
02:09:42.000 --> 02:09:45.680
I think it's Holy Spirit, especially, you know,

1743
02:09:45.680 --> 02:09:47.200
us kind of extending.

1744
02:09:47.200 --> 02:09:51.040
I really feel that was needed.

1745
02:09:52.040 --> 02:09:54.560
So ladies, with that,

1746
02:09:54.560 --> 02:09:59.560
let me go ahead and just close us out quickly in prayer.

1747
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:05.920
Because that was long and then I will see if any of you ladies want to come back for tonight.

1748
02:10:05.920 --> 02:10:12.080
We're still covering the same content, but we'll have new questions and hopefully with

1749
02:10:12.080 --> 02:10:18.480
me going through this live here on the one o'clock, my goal is to be able to really pick out

1750
02:10:18.480 --> 02:10:25.200
the good parts and get us through quickly this evening so we can get to more questions tonight.

1751
02:10:25.200 --> 02:10:30.880
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you for reminding us that you are so trustworthy in

1752
02:10:30.880 --> 02:10:36.960
every single season that you are with us, Lord, that you never ask us to carry tomorrow,

1753
02:10:41.920 --> 02:10:48.400
that you are only giving us what we are asked to carry today.

1754
02:10:48.400 --> 02:10:58.720
Lord, I thank you for the reminders that, what you've given us in community,

1755
02:10:59.840 --> 02:11:05.760
how much you love us, that you see us, know us. Oh, thank you, Jesus.

1756
02:11:07.200 --> 02:11:16.880
I thank you that we have each other to lean on. It's so important that we can be reminded

1757
02:11:18.640 --> 02:11:26.560
of what is ours to carry and what is yours. But even the things that we feel like we have to carry,

1758
02:11:26.560 --> 02:11:30.560
that we have to give up, and as difficult sometimes that is to let go of, we have

1759
02:11:31.520 --> 02:11:41.440
people and community that we can lean on that just understand how difficult that can feel.

1760
02:11:42.400 --> 02:11:48.160
And we don't want to feel shame when we do it, but we have encouragement. We can be lifted up

1761
02:11:49.760 --> 02:11:56.560
by each other that, you know, you bring us this body of Christ to lift us up so that we can do

1762
02:11:56.560 --> 02:12:10.320
that, Lord. Lord, just continue to lighten our hearts, to surrender all that's yours back to you.

1763
02:12:11.920 --> 02:12:21.600
To trust you with the stuff that was never ours to carry. God, do only what you can do.

1764
02:12:24.000 --> 02:12:30.640
Lord, may we become women that are anchored in Christ, who are steady in those storms,

1765
02:12:30.720 --> 02:12:41.280
and are faithful for what you entrust to us. Teach us, show us, heal us, and grow us.

1766
02:12:41.840 --> 02:12:50.320
In Jesus' mighty name, thank you, ladies. Have a great Tuesday. We'll see you all tonight.