There we go, so we are recording so that we make sure that we get both sessions recorded
today.
So yeah, do I have anybody that is brand new to Phase 2?
Is it Renee?
Well, welcome.
Usually it's Ebony that is the coach for the 8 o'clock Eastern call.
She's traveling this evening, so I have stepped in to help her out.
So I'm excited to be here with y'all.
We had a really amazing 1 o'clock session today.
I actually extended it a little longer, which if you've ever watched any of my replays,
you know I'm a little long-winded.
That's not uncommon for me, but Holy Spirit really showed up, and so I am really expectant
that He's going to show up again tonight.
I really feel the weight of Holy Spirit on this message.
I prayed a lot this week into this.
I've been really, really seeking the Lord with a lot of the posts that y'all have been
sharing in the community, which is amazing.
And so yeah, I'm just really looking forward to what He's got in store for us tonight.
So I'm going to go ahead and pray for us, then I'm going to do some housekeeping, then
we're going to do some celebrating what I'm seeing in community, which I'm super excited
about.
And then we'll go ahead and dive right in, okay?
So Heavenly Father, I just thank You for this evening, Lord.
And Lord, I just ask that You are with our girl Ebony tonight as she is traveling home
to Texas here from Mississippi.
Father, I just thank You for the opportunity to be able to spend this evening with the
women on tonight's call.
I know this is not something that I'm typically here for, and I'm just extremely blessed to
get to spend this time with the ladies.
And I just ask that Your presence be felt here with us this evening, Lord.
Lord, I just ask that You speak to every single one of the women on this call and the
ones that are watching in replay, and just speak what it is that You want each and every
one of these ladies to hear, Lord.
Speak to each one individually, Lord.
Thank You, Jesus.
Lord, I just ask that You continue meeting us in every single moment as we walk through
this phase two, Lord.
Yes, Jesus.
That You're using each of those moments to transform our hearts.
And in those moments that sometimes are not the easiest, You still use them.
Lord, tonight, I just ask that You help us to be more clear on what You've entrusted
specifically to us.
Yes, Jesus.
And show us what we need to surrender to You that we've been picking up and carrying.
That's actually Your responsibility, Father.
Forgive us for picking up what only You can do, Lord.
I thank You that You're gentle with us when we fall short in doing that.
Lord, I just ask that You give us courage to walk in that obedience, the wisdom to discern
what that is, and the peace to trust You with those things that only You can do, Father.
Lord, I just ask that You continue to teach us, show us, heal us, and grow us in Jesus'
mighty name.
Amen.
All right, ladies.
All right.
So, yes, absolutely.
Totally fine if you just have to listen.
I'm used to my ladies on 1 o'clock having to work just listening.
So, that is not something I am a stranger to.
I totally get it.
I know that 1 o'clock session is usually a little bit smaller than this evening.
Excuse me.
Just a minute.
I got my housekeeping notes that I got to make sure I don't forget anything.
So, yeah, definitely get that.
So, by all means, totally okay.
If you can come on camera, though.
Even if you're working or not working, love to see your face.
Okay, that's always, I just like to see y'all's faces,
especially since I don't ever get to see you ladies.
So I always appreciate it, okay?
So not a problem at all,
but I think we had one lady share, Renee,
she's brand new to phase two, so we wanna welcome you.
Do I have anybody else that's brand new to phase two?
Most of you look brand new to me,
but I also recognize many of you
from your post in the app as well.
But all right, well, I'm not gonna go much further here.
I am definitely one of your coaches.
I'm sure you've seen me in the app.
Okay, I'm a success story.
There's not really, I think I share it just about every week
so if you wanna know more,
you can always check out a replay that I do at one o'clock
because I'll tell you some things there.
But let's just definitely roll into
some of those announcements.
We do have that Modern Dating Sucks book club
that just started two days ago,
so that's gonna be the last one
that I know that Jackie is putting together for the summer.
So I'm excited if you are in that
or if you got to be part of one of those.
I was sharing with the ladies on the afternoon call,
one thing I realized,
and some people have actually come and asked in the app,
like, hey, I'm in the book club and I'm in phase two,
but I'm not allowed to date
because I'm in the book club.
And so ladies, I want you to just feel comfortable
in knowing that's totally okay.
Okay, yes, phase two, we do prompt you
and release you to start dating,
but there's no pressure to jump in,
dive in quickly to the dating.
So if you're in that book club,
don't feel like you can't come
and still participate in phase two
if you're dating or not dating.
I don't ever want you ladies to feel like
you can't come to these calls or you can't participate
just because you might not be dating someone yet.
What some of you may or may not know
is when I was a student here in this community,
we called it last year,
it wasn't last year single,
it was married in 12 months or less,
but y'all, I didn't start dating until after the 12 months.
So it was like, okay, I'm gonna get married in a year,
but I haven't actually started dating.
So just know that that is not mandatory.
Now, would I encourage you ladies to do what I did?
No.
Now, was there a reason that that was necessary
and that was my journey?
Yes, because God had me walking my own journey,
my own path, like he was doing certain things in me.
And so the most important thing
is that you are leaning into what God is having you do
and you're following that.
That's always super important.
So yeah, just know, even if you're not dating,
don't feel like you can't participate, okay?
Can't come to the calls,
can't share what God's highlighting to you, okay?
I have lots of ladies that will share in the app
if you haven't checked it out,
things that are not dating related.
So I just want you to get connected in community,
get yourself vulnerable.
God has a way of definitely showing you
what it is that he wants to highlight to you.
So definitely keep that in mind.
When you ladies are making posts,
we are definitely really, really diligent
about responding to you.
However, the way that our app has been set up,
and I don't know, did anybody do the update on the app?
Anybody?
How's everybody, how's the update doing for everybody else?
Thumbs up, thumbs down?
I'm curious.
Okay, that's good.
So maybe it's just the admin buttons for me.
So that's good.
I'm glad that y'all are having success with that.
On my admin end, it's not great.
So what would totally help out,
so yeah, you might not have any difference on the update.
For my end, there was some changes
and it made things a little more challenging, but.
Um, so I'm just going to request that you ladies just to help us because it is
important that we respond to you that if after a few days, if, if we haven't
responded to you, make another post and say, Hey, Ebony, Carla, did you see my
post?
Can you go check it out so that way we can just make sure that we've scoured
through and found what it was that you're referring to.
Cause we don't want you to have to like copy and paste everything again.
Okay.
Cause that's not necessary.
So this way we, we have eyes on it.
Um, and one way that we also know that you've seen our PR, our responses is when
you ladies respond to us.
And sometimes when you ladies respond to us, you'll have other questions and maybe
we won't see that.
So don't hesitate to add another post, a fresh new post and be like, Hey, Carla.
Hey, Ebony.
Responded to you a couple of days ago.
Not sure if you saw it.
But if you want to go check it out, I have a few other questions cause we'll go
check that out as well.
You know, myself and Ebony, we do try to constantly go back and click and make
sure like everyone that we've responded to, we'll go back and check and see, okay,
did you add anything?
Cause we, I know, I know myself and I know Ebony does this too.
Um, we give you a lot of questions or we're going to want some more detail from
you.
Okay.
Or we're going to want to hear some of your processing.
And so, um, I don't want to neglect if you've come back and shared that.
Okay.
Cause our, our heart is to coach you well, and that's one way we, we could
steward that.
Okay.
So if you could just work with us on that, that'd be great.
Uh, make sure you're checking out that resource tab.
All right.
I know I had a few questions about, all right, what am I supposed to do to move
on to phase three that is in the resource tab.
Okay.
So it will give you all, all the things that you need to do to shift over from
phase two to phase three, if you're ready for it.
Okay.
The only, the only thing we ask is that you stay here for at least five to six
weeks.
You've watched one video a week, the video content, hopefully you've shown up
to some lives or at least watch the replay and engaged in the app some or
engaged with us coaches.
Okay.
At least myself or Ebony.
Okay.
So, um, and then once you've done that and you feel ready to move to phase
three, you are welcome to do that.
Okay.
I have a lot of ladies that are like, Carla, I just, I'm, I don't want to
just stay here for six weeks.
I like to stay here a little longer.
Is that okay?
And you know, yep.
Peggy's I see you, I see you shaking your head.
Peggy's like, yep, I'm staying in here for a minute and that's totally okay.
All right.
We have this phase for ladies to feel comfortable and confident to utilize and
start applying those principles that y'all learned in heartwork.
Okay.
And heartwork at phase one, that's where you, you learn the material, right?
And you work on the inner heart stuff.
Okay.
Now, once you've worked on that, you get like launched, right?
It's like, okay, I've done the heartwork internally.
Now, how do I show up in real life, utilizing everything that I've learned?
Okay.
Cause guess what ladies?
Heartwork doesn't stop.
All right.
I've been in this community since 2020 and ladies, I still have to apply
heartwork.
Oftentimes the things that I'm coaching you all on are the things that God is
also speaking to me to believe it or not, like true story tax.
Okay.
So, um, just know that you, we have this phase for you ladies to navigate what
that looks like.
Okay.
That's what we're here for.
We're here to give you the support that's needed.
And then when you feel like you've gotten, gotten the groove, right.
And you want to get into the bigger community, do more events with last year
single, you know, really come together with a lot more people that have been in
the community.
There's people that have been in the community for a little while.
There's the men, the women, people that have so much knowledge, so many other
great coaches over there too.
So there's so much great content over there, but we really want you to feel
like you've got like the tools and resources that you need and that you've
really, um, feel confident in showing up, utilizing those heartwork tools.
Okay.
Um, and then in the resource, so that's in the resource tab for the phase three
and all the.
things same thing with hiring a coach to do one-on-one all right we have a lot of
ladies that utilize that it's not mandatory okay I know some ladies are
like oh is that why I'm not getting breakthrough well not necessarily all
right some ladies prefer to have more one-on-one coaching time you know if
you're like me I'm an external processor all right so I need a lot of back and
forth dialogue I need to hear myself kind of process out loud I need someone
else to bounce it off to and so that's really helpful for some people and so we
can't necessarily do that for a long period of time on these group calls and
sometimes it's it's hard to do when we're on the apps you know there's a lot
of back and forth so if that's something that you just feel like I really want
to invest that you know and I think I'm gonna really use that we do offer that
it's not included in the membership cost you know your monthly membership but it
is an extra resource and an additional fee if you want if you want it okay so
keep that in mind for the live coaching when I get done with all the content
that we've got to cover today y'all I think you probably know the drill you
know you raise your hand you let me know you got questions all right I told Ebony
I was like I got to get through this material quick because I was like your
lady there's more ladies on the evening call and I'm like I know the ladies come
in the evenings they have more questions because they can unmute they're not
working most of my ladies on one o'clock are usually working so I don't get as
many ladies unmuting so I was like I gotta get through this really quickly I
want to make sure I get through as many as I can and so just know if we can't
get you in and get all the questions in ladies please go post your questions in
the app myself and Ebony will get to those by tomorrow okay that's that's our
goal we really want to make sure that we get to your question and then I
always tell my ladies on the one o'clock what I like to do is I like to rotate so
I don't always get the same ladies okay if I if I miss somebody the week prior I
try to take them first the next week okay so I don't know if that happens
here all right so if that happens to some of you ladies you're like oh I have
my hand raised and sometimes Ebony can't get to me let me know that like if you
had your hand raised last week and Ebony couldn't get to you let me know that in
the chat and if you have a question this week I do want to make sure I write that
down and that I cover one of your questions I like to make sure that we
hear from as many people as possible okay sometimes I know it's really easy
it's like oh it's the same people over and over again not that that's bad but I
know sometimes it can be a little like you know nerve-wracking or you know
difficult to get the courage to want to speak up and then when we do and we
don't get called on it's like okay that I can't do that again and so I never want
ladies feeling like we don't see you we don't hear you and so I always wanna
make sure that we're doing that and lastly one thing that I always ask my
ladies on the one o'clock where to have been lately is I need someone to
volunteer to keep eyes in the chat for me so have anybody able to do that for
me tonight anybody Chrissy I saw your hand go at first just keep an eye if I
miss anything that you're like you're allowed to interrupt me you're allowed
to unmute and say hey Carla there's a question in the chat I want to make sure
that you saw it so that we get to it okay sometimes that chat can be going or
I can be you know squirreling off somewhere all right Holy Spirit can be
leading somewhere and there's a question especially if a lady can't unmute or
raise their hand to unmute they'll put their question in the chat and I always
want to make sure that I get to those okay so Chrissy thank you so much for
volunteering I appreciate you all right so that's it for our housekeeping and
let's now celebrate I'm gonna celebrate because I don't know like what I don't
know if Ebony does this but I like to celebrate what I'm seeing over the
course of the week from you ladies like I think that's so important I think
It's so easy to sometimes shift our focus, sometimes on the negative.
Like, we have that, like if you ever watch the news, I don't really often watch the news
because every time you watch the news, like, what do you see?
Ladies, don't leave me hanging here.
I'm sure you all are more chatty with Ebony.
Negative. Negative. Yeah.
And so I like, I don't know about y'all, but I'm not I'm not down with that.
So I really think it's important for us to be focusing on what are we doing well?
Where are we growing?
Where are we seeing like God moving?
Where do we see success?
And let's focus on that and let's lift each up each other up there.
OK, so like this week when I was looking at post, I saw a lot of women starting to come out with courage.
They're starting to come out and they're starting to be be truthful and vulnerable and raw and real.
Y'all, that was not something that was happening probably several months ago.
And that is so important to your healing and your growth and this community and what makes it so successful.
All right. So I love that.
I'm so thankful that y'all are really embracing that.
I'm seeing women slowing down instead of rushing towards that certainty, which I know we've spent a lot of time on that.
You know, we want certainty.
And we think we just have to know when it's more about gathering the information so we have the clarity to know.
What we need to do next.
And so I'm seeing a lot more of that happen, people are asking deeper questions or being open to answering those deeper questions, which is awesome.
I'm seeing a lot more ladies stepping into that obedience.
Instead of, you know, looking at the outcome.
Many of you are starting to invite each other into your stories, and I'm seeing a lot of you encourage one another.
How many posted something and had one of your sisters here in the community, like, encourage you?
Peggy, Edwidge, yes, Amanda, yes.
So I'm seeing if you, I know Roberta, I think she's messaged on some people's, I know Kaylee is really amazing at it.
So when you're posting in there, and I'm seeing you ladies, like, engage with one another and you're inviting each other in, like, ladies, that's how we lift each other up.
That's what makes this community thrive.
And so I love that we're seeing that.
I'm also seeing a lot of ladies really live out the hard work in ways of, they're recognizing some of their old patterns and they're saying, you know what, I don't, I don't want to continue, I don't want to continue in that old pattern.
I want to, I want to do it differently now.
Like, I recognize it, I have the self-awareness, and so I want to do it differently.
And y'all, we might not be doing it perfectly, but that's okay.
Y'all, I, I've been doing this hard work thing for almost six years, and I still do not do it perfectly.
But what we celebrate is that we recognize it and we just say, okay, you know what, I'm showing up in my old pattern, what can I do to shift it?
That's it.
All right.
So I love seeing that, um, because it really shows me ladies that you are, you are doing it right.
All right.
So I love seeing that, um, because it really shows me ladies that you are not just learning the information of hard work, but you're actually starting to live it out.
Like, that's why we have you do hard work first.
And I can't remember if Jackie said this on a supernatural Saturday.
I think she did.
She's like, you know, we sell ya and get you in here and then give you something else at first, but we, it's because we know what you need.
And then you're still going to get what it is that you came here for, but it's going to require a little bit of participation and a little hard work.
And so, um, when I start seeing ladies in this phase.
start making those growths like ladies it is like if you stay here for just you
know if you stay here a little bit longer and you and you watch some of
your sisters in here you will see the transition in your sisters you're you
will start recognizing how they show up differently and ladies I hope you see it
in yourselves too I really really do my best to highlight that to you so if
you're posting in the app or you're coming on here ladies that is always
something that is my biggest like that's what's something I always am constantly
wanting to focus on for y'all because I know how important it is is I want y'all
to see your success because believe it or not it's there it is totally there so
again this week saw lots of different situations so questions lots of
questions different women different questions different situations different
ages and so things look different on the surface but when I sit with the Lord
I'm like okay Lord what is it that you want to really reveal here and I go a
little deeper there's always an invitation that's very very similar and
so this week I really felt he was showing me something he was showing me
this week that y'all are carrying something some of you are carrying this
these questions of will he change will I get married is this really gonna happen
am I doing this right like how will I know
is that been you this week yeah it's okay all your questions are the same
questions that I had as well yeah like I want to know like I just want it I just
want to figure it out like yes like how do I do this what am I supposed to do I
want to do it differently what's that look like and I know some of the ladies
I know this because some ladies come back to me and they tell me they tell me
it I know not everyone will come and say it out loud and so if you spit thought
it and you haven't told me that's okay I know when y'all come and ask your
questions and I don't answer them directly I know some of you get
frustrated cuz I don't come out and give you the answer there's actually a reason
for that a lot of that is because I'm not your source I'm not God I'm a coach
I'm a resource that he uses I've walked this community out I've been where
you're sitting all right but my job isn't to tell you what to do because I
don't know what God has in store for you only you and God get to have those
intimate conversations together what my goal is is to point you back to him and
heart work tools that I know work because those things that you learned in
heart work Jackie got those from the Lord and I know that Jackie got those
from the Lord because y'all I've been around this whole like self-help get the
therapy you'll hear Jackie talk about you know there's some of us students
that you know we've come and we've had the years and years of therapy and then
we come to this program and this is the tipping point I'm one of her students
that she's like she's talking about like I was the one that had been in
years and years and years of therapy I could sit here and tell you exactly why
I thought the way that I did and why my patterns were the way they were but it
wasn't changing anything something was missing and it was the heart work stuff
it was the healing stuff it was the partnering with the with the Lord
And so now I go in and now I'm like,
I still, you know, research some of that stuff
and look at some of that stuff.
And it's so funny.
Cause I'm like, I see it in other things
like other Christian people who like mentor
and do those things.
And I'm like, okay, that's how I know.
Like Jackie heard this from the Lord.
There's an anointing on it.
I've lived it here in this community.
I've seen what happens here.
And so that doesn't change.
And so I know like those questions
that you want the exact answer to,
like how will I know if this was actually a date
or how will I know when I'm supposed to introduce someone
to my friends and family?
I would love if there was an exact answer,
but I don't specifically know what it is
that God wants you to work on.
So I'm gonna typically ask you more questions
and let you make the choices and the decisions.
And what is God telling you is your next faithful step.
I want you to have peace with the step that you take,
not because I said it, but because God gave you the peace,
even though it might not make sense to do it.
Okay?
So I see a lot of you carrying that kind of heaviness
and I get it.
I have carried that too.
I'll even own, I still carried some of that.
I still carry some of these things
that I think are my responsibility.
What I also am seeing is that,
ladies, there's also a lot of you that are carrying
what God has asked you to carry.
So I don't want you to think,
oh, she's telling me I'm carrying things that are not mine.
I want you to know you are,
maybe you might be carrying some things that are not yours,
but it doesn't mean that you are not carrying things
that are yours.
So some of the things that I'm seeing y'all carry
that are yours is obedience,
is truth, is curiosity.
I'm seeing all of those things.
I'm seeing you carry boundaries.
That's huge.
We have such an amazing teaching.
Renee does a great job of talking about boundaries.
It's in our phase two content.
If you haven't watched it yet, so good.
Boundaries is so, so, so good.
And I see you ladies carrying that faithfulness.
And ladies, you don't have to do it perfectly.
I don't do it perfectly.
There are days when my faith is like this.
I just don't have it.
And I need to lean on God more.
It doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong.
It just means I need my savior.
Okay?
So I couldn't help but think like,
what if God's question to us this week
was simply asking what belongs to me
and what belongs to him?
So ask yourself, God, what belongs to you
and what belongs to me?
All right?
And sit with that.
What is he speaking to you right now?
Anything.
You can share it with us in the chat.
I need to get some, some of you ladies
need to have some coffee.
Y'all look, y'all, y'all don't look.
I'm sure I'm gonna, I'm gonna message Ebony
and I'm gonna ask her, are your ladies always this quiet?
I can't imagine y'all are this quiet
because I know she's not quiet.
What's going on?
Job hours.
Yes. Daisy. That's good.
Ooh, sit with that.
Yeah. Sometimes it gets uncomfortable, doesn't it?
Ladies raise your hand if that makes sense.
Do you kind of like, oh, I got to sit with some, oh, oh, I don't know.
Uh, I don't know if I want to do that, Karla.
Uh, yeah.
Repeat the question.
Um, asking, okay.
So what I'm asking you right now is what is God faithfully asking you to carry?
What is God?
So I guess let's just talk about our big idea.
So faith, it's to faithfully carry what God has entrusted to you while trusting
him with what he's never asked you to carry.
So what is it that is your responsibility?
What is it that is yours to carry?
And have you been carrying anything that's not your responsibility, but it's
actually his and sit with that a little bit later, we're going to do our
activation.
So not right now, but near, like here in the near future, if you have a paper
close by paper and pen, you're going to want that.
Okay.
Um, we are gonna hopefully have some time to get that started.
So how many of you, um, have ever needed help moving?
Raise your hand.
Yeah.
What typically happens when you start asking people, can you help me move?
Oh, Christy just moved this past week.
Girl, you in Florida.
Where are you at in Florida?
Oh, you can unmute.
Uh, I'm near Tampa.
Ah, I, I was in Sarasota.
Yeah.
I used to live down there.
I love it.
I enjoyed it.
So pretty.
Now I'm in texas.
So hot here.
Yes.
Peggy, they run y'all.
When you start asking people, like, can you help me move?
There's not usually like a lot of people are not really like itching to help you.
Right.
Okay.
Now, how many of you have ever been asked to help somebody move?
Has anybody done that?
Has anybody been the runners?
Or have you like, have you said, you know what?
I don't like it when people say no to not helping me move.
So you volunteer to move.
Okay.
I love it.
Amanda, you help if you can.
I love it.
Yes.
Ron, see, I knew I had a lot of ladies on my afternoon call that were like, I do
help people.
Yes.
Of course, my, my, you know, last year, single ladies would be helpful.
Of course.
Absolutely.
So Shelly, your, your brother and sister-in-law moved up the street.
That's helpful.
So I'm like, okay, that's helpful.
Up the street.
That's helpful.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
Just watching the kids is helpful, especially if they're little.
Cause they can, they can get away even if they're older.
Cause then they just think they, then they just, I have older kids, y'all.
Sometimes that's, that's difficult.
So yeah, 100%.
So now let me ask you this.
Okay.
I'm going to ship this so we can get back into kind of where I'm heading with this.
I want you to picture yourself.
If you are volunteering to offer someone the help and you're moving, helping them
move, what's going to happen if all of a sudden you look around and you're the
only one picking up the heavy things and moving all the boxes and all the other
people that came to help or volunteer or not really doing much, or people said
that they were going to come and then they don't show up, you're going to
start just picking everything up.
Right?
What's going to happen in here.
It's going to happen in your heart.
You can unmute. You can chat. Ladies, we got to get this. We got to get, we got to get,
we got to wake up.
It's kind of resentful if you're the only one who's always doing everything.
Yeah. There's some resentment that sets in. Peggy, I see you unmuted. What, what's going
to happen in your heart?
I'm going to feel like abandoned.
Yeah. Chrissy's saying like, there's passive aggressive, like you're there to help, but
it's going to kind of, there's going to be some irritation there, right? There's gonna
be some chaos that starts happening, right? So that happens, ladies, because some of that
stuff is never yours to carry. And I don't think that that happens because you're controlling.
All right. Sometimes I know it's easy for people to think that I'm just always controlling.
Does anybody else feel like, okay, they, they're like, oh yeah, I, I typically kind of take
charge, have to control. You kind of take on a lot of responsibilities. Is there anyone
in here that does that? I know I got some people that are not on camera. I see some
hands raised. If you're not on camera and you want to, you know, just, okay. Yeah. Someone
said like my whole life sometimes, you know, yep, yep. So I've got some of you that do
that. Absolutely. What happens is sometimes I'm like, well, I don't know if it's that
I'm controlling. I actually think what it, what happens is it's because you care, you
deeply care. And so you start picking this up because you, you care about the outcome.
You care about wanting people to, you know, get what they need and you know, get the help
not feel alone. Cause you don't want to feel alone. Cause how many of you will offer to
help people move because you've needed it and no one's been there to help you. That's
me. I was a single mom and having to move a few times. And I often felt like my, like
who I thought were my close friends. They never could. I'd have to call like strangers.
Like I'd have to, like, people would be like, Hey, I have a, I have a friend that you can
call and it would literally be like people that were just going out and doing good deeds
for like, you know, little old me, little single mama, you know, I didn't always feel
good. I was thankful for it, but then I don't know about y'all, but sometimes I feel guilty.
Like, why am I making them do this? Then, then it's like, okay, maybe I should go pick
this up and do, you know, and then I'm sitting here like trying to move all the things and
stressing myself out and it's getting more chaotic. And they're like, no, I'm here to
help you. And I'm like, well, no, but cause now I'm feeling bad. All right. I don't think
it's ever because we don't, we're controlling. I think it's because we don't care. And so
I'm going to connect this back to our community this week. And so one thing I want to wreck,
I want y'all to recognize is that I saw a lot of ladies owning what was theirs and releasing
what wasn't. And so Peggy, like I know you, you had a big breakthrough. Peggy had an assignment
to be courageous this past week, step out of her comfort zone and have the honest conversation
and, and, you know, share with this guy at church. And what she didn't make her assignment
was his response. God just asked her to be courageous and she did it. And he grew something
in her and she allowed God to do what only he could do. And I think his name was Lonnie.
Was that his name? Yeah. She allowed God to manage the outcome and how Lonnie responded.
The only thing she was asked to carry was to step in faith and have some courage. That
was hers. She felt moved to that. Was it scary? She's like, if you ladies aren't looking
and she's shaking her head. Yes.
It doesn't mean what God is asking us is going to feel easy.
It's just, he's going to stretch you.
We just have to step out in that faith.
We don't have to worry about carrying anything else.
I think, who was it?
Tempella, I don't know if she's on here or not.
I don't see her.
She, her assignment this week
was just to continue to keep gathering information.
That was really important for her.
And y'all, she got so vulnerable this week.
And I think she had a lot of things
that God was really faithfully pressing her for.
And I'm sure the things that she shared this week
in community were probably not easy for her.
But y'all, she is stretching herself.
She is coming to this community.
She is asking for the wisdom.
She is sharing, you know, what she's experienced.
You know, she, she's gone through some trauma
just like we all have.
And so her assignment was showing up,
gathering information.
What her job wasn't was determining
what other people's motives were.
Absolutely, Lauren, it was so good to see you.
Catch the replay, okay?
Make sure you catch the last 45 minutes.
We've got other good things happening.
So that got me thinking this week, ladies, about storms.
Oh, Anne, it's you.
Yeah, oh, hey girl.
Your name is different on here.
Girl, you touched my heart this week.
Like, you are so brave.
Like, y'all, she, that girl is growing
and she is applying hard work.
And I just see God moving in her life.
And I'm sure, just like all of you ladies,
this walk doesn't always look easy.
There are gonna be those moments.
Why do I know that?
Because I was where you're at.
And so it got me thinking about storms this week.
And I wanna take you guys back to 2022.
Now, I was living in Florida, living in Sarasota, okay?
I'd been in this community now for two years.
Things weren't moving, things weren't happening, okay?
As far as the dating potential and the marriage thing.
And, you know, had no prospects in October of 2022, none.
The discouragement was hot, okay?
Yeah, no worries, Peggy.
So in October of 2022,
Florida had this hurricane, Hurricane Ian,
that was coming through.
And, you know, I was like,
if you've ever lived in Florida,
if you ever, like, if you live somewhere
where there's a lot of hurricanes,
people will tell you, like, you know, we're just like,
eh, it's not no big deal.
It's like when they're like category four
and category five, you're kind of like,
uh, maybe I should, you know,
I don't know, I don't know what to do.
And honestly, I felt really safe.
I felt at peace with it.
God was really giving me a lot of peace about this storm.
And he was really speaking to me about this.
And so when I was going through that season
and y'all, like, it came through
and it actually turned out to be way bigger
than I thought it was gonna be.
And so I was like, okay, I'm not gonna worry about it.
I'm not gonna worry about it.
It actually turned out to be way bigger
than what they anticipated.
And I think some of you might remember this.
Okay, this wasn't too long ago.
So if you're in that area or you heard it on the news,
if you heard it on the news,
it definitely was probably amped up
more than what it really was.
But it definitely did some shaking.
It did some clearing things out for sure.
And so my son was, you know, in school
and his school was shut down for three weeks.
Y'all, I'm a single mom,
a working single mom at this point.
And I'm like, but God gave me so much peace.
And was like, you know what, Carla, you've been faithful.
You've been obedient.
You are so anchored and grounded in me.
This doesn't, it didn't faze me.
I remember praying through that storm and God spoke to me and said,
Carla,
I'm bringing this storm through because I need to get things to be cleared out.
The things that do not belong here need to get cleared out.
That was so important.
And I'm like, that doesn't make sense. Like usually for me,
y'all I'm like Enneagram six. I like worry about everything. Okay.
I got to take charge.
And so that like was weird for me,
but God showed me storms have a way of revealing things to us that calm days
sometimes can't.
And it reminded me of Matthew seven,
the wise and the foolish builder.
And I was thinking about that.
You see in life, we're going to get all these different storms,
but it was never about the different storms in that story.
It was never about a different storm.
What it was was the different
foundation.
The houses were built on before the storms came.
And so that's what I want you ladies to press into.
Storms don't create the foundation that we're anchored to.
It just reveals it.
All right. And, and God doesn't do that to shame us.
He's actually doing it lovingly to allow that shaking to take place because it
invites us into something stronger. Okay.
So I had a lot of peace in that season about where I was at in certain areas of
my life. But you ladies,
you want to know somewhere where I didn't have a lot of peace who can guess where
I didn't have a lot of peace.
What do you think? I didn't have peace belts.
Ding, ding, ding. Yep. Who? Who? I'm you did.
Yep. Ladies, you got it. Dating, relationships, marriage, y'all.
Like I hit a wall.
Like this was okay. Back in 2022, this, this community was much smaller. Okay.
We had a lot more contact with Jackie. Jackie will tell you,
like I had a come to Jesus moment with Jackie.
Like she hunted me down. I had to have a phone call with her.
Like she literally was like trying to get to me from every different angle that
she could, because I was like a void. I was dodging her. Cause I knew, like,
I'm like, I don't want to hear what I don't want.
I know what I know what she's going to tell me and I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it.
Kind of like, sometimes y'all don't want to hear what I have to tell you.
I want, I'm going to tell you what you want to hear.
Not always what you do or tell you what you need to hear.
Not always what you want to hear. And so I had that moment.
Like I was grounded in certain things and felt peace about some things,
but not about dating and relationships. And y'all,
I had to really recognize that I was not alone.
I had to really recognize where I was carrying the things that God was meant to
carry. The outcomes, the, what it needed to look like,
the surrender part. Y'all, I didn't want to move.
And Jackie for two years was like, Oh, you sure? You sure you don't want to move?
I'm like, no, why would anybody want to move? Y'all?
It was that hurricane that jump-started
the doors being open for me to move.
Because a week after that,
that conversation with Jackie is when my husband dropped into my DMs and I
thought he lived in Florida. Come to find out he lived in Texas.
But after that conversation with Jackie, I'm like, you know what?
God's just going to have to do something because I was like,
I can't carry this anymore. I'm too exhausted.
This is too heavy. I'm getting resentful. I'm getting discouraged.
Like enough is enough. And I had to let it go.
God finally had to be like, Carla, like, when are you going to move?
To let it go. God finally had to be like, Carla,
like when are you going to just like allow me to come in and clear out what
needs to be cleared out?
You're anchored here in all these other areas, but you're not anchored.
over here. You trust me in this, but you're not trusting me over here. What's the deal?"
I was like, okay, fine. Well, you're just going to... And of course, I'm a stubborn daughter.
I'm like, fine. Well, you're just going to have to put me wrong, okay?
I know some of you all do the same thing with God. Tell me you don't. Tell me you don't, okay?
But that's how I am, okay? So that happened. And like I said, a week later, I had been dropped in
my DMs and things started moving. He lived in Texas. And then when we started getting to know
each other and the conversation started, the exclusivity started to take place,
the exclusivity started to take place. There was that one piece, my son got to know who this guy
was. And I had told my son who this guy was. Then his dad, his biological dad called me out of the
blue. I was like, hey, Carla, I got to talk to you about something. His other son's mom,
who he wasn't with, her house got destroyed in the hurricane,
which gave her the prompting to move out of the state of Florida.
And once she decided to move out of the state of Florida, you want to know what my son's dad
decided to do? Move out of the state of Florida. The one thing that kept me hesitant
and locked into feeling like I had no choice but to live in Florida, not that I wanted to leave.
I love Florida. But the one thing that I could use as an excuse that I could literally use to
manipulate and get my way, because I didn't want God's outcome. I wanted my own. I wanted my own
comfort. Well, God removed the one thing that I really could truly use and be justified in.
He called me. I was like, I'm moving. And I'm like, well, I'm dating somebody and
we're discussing marriage. And the conversation's been that if we get married,
I'll move to Texas. And so it gave me the open door. I didn't have to control the outcome.
I didn't have to do anything with the timing. It was that storm that I had to literally stay
anchored in. That actually is what prompted me to surrender more and realize that I was holding
on to things that weren't mine to carry. And so I want you ladies to sit with that because
one thing with last year's single is that... See you later, Rhonda.
One thing that last year's single, and we're all here. Y'all are here. I was here. Y'all are here
because you want to be married. And so it's easy for us to think,
okay, I'm going to be in this community and they're going to bring me into marriage.
Right? It's really easy to think that. I was thinking about this today and I'm like,
well, if that's what we're doing here in last year's single is to
coach you towards marriage, that means marriage is the final destination.
That's not what Jackie tells us, is it?
Last year's single's here as a preparation for marriage.
Preparation for the marriage that you're going to step into. We're here to coach you.
We're here to coach and partner with you ladies, to work with God because he's going to equip you
with the capacity that's needed for your marriage that he's promised you.
And I can say that because I'm having to learn that in my own marriage.
I've had to learn that there are some things that are mine to carry,
some things that are Jeremy's to carry, and some things that are God's to carry.
And y'all, that hasn't been easy.
Because whenever I start confusing responsibilities,
I don't have peace and chaos really really blows up.
Y'all you'll hear Jackie say this a lot marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind.
So this process now that y'all are in of dating and needing to release certain things like what
am I to carry what am I not the heartwork pieces that we're going through the things that we're
coaching you here we're stretching you into ladies it's all for preparation it's all just growing
your your capacity for what God's going to walk you into and you're going to be so thankful so
thankful for that and so I want you ladies just to kind of sit with some scriptures okay I want
you to think back to exodus 14 okay go back and read it if you need to one thing that stuck out
to me was that you know when they they show up and they're like well what do we do like
we got this we can't cross right you want it God was saying hey
you worry about you worry about what's mine
and you know or you worry about you I'll take over what's mine right
know your assignment I got mine trust me with my assignment
he was telling them look be still you don't have to do anything you just have to partner with me
and there's participation sometimes partnership and participation will be you sitting still and
just taking the next faithful step sometimes that faithful step is releasing control releasing and
surrendering the things that you're carrying that are actually his
and so when you do that then he can go do whatever it is that he needs to go do
we get out we can get out of our own way and so I want you to sit with that
what is it that maybe God is letting you know gently okay
but he's like hey I got this for you let me do this you work on this I've got this
all right because ladies in Psalm 46 we're reminded that mountains are going to fall
the waves are going to come crashing but God is going to remain
sit in that rest in that ladies
so this week I want you ladies asking yourself Lord what have you asked me to faithfully carry
and what have I been carrying that actually belongs to you so with that we're going to do
our activation and then we're going to do our activation and then we're going to do our
activation and it's going to require some participation so if you have paper go ahead and
get that you're going to draw a line down the middle on the left side you're going to write
mine to carry on the right side yeah left side mine to carry on the right side God's to carry
and I'll post this in the app too so if you don't have paper don't worry and you can always watch
the replay as well um so we're going to go under mine to carry what is yours to carry and I want
you ladies to sit with that for the next day or two okay spend time with the Lord get in his word
his word what does he want you to carry get specific okay I'm going to share some things
but I want you to take those some things and I want you to go deeper
all right so some of the things that are ours to carry is obedience
truth curiosity boundaries and faithfulness
okay what does obedience look like what does this word say
and are we walking that out not perfectly none of us are perfect
but what specifically is mine to carry Lord how do you want me to walk in obedience
Lord how do you want me to walk in obedience
What's mine?
Truth. And ladies, I'm not just talking about
our truth. I'm talking about his truth.
I was telling the ladies on this afternoon call, I said,
I do not like that phrase
like, you know, live your truth or
go, you know, I don't know exactly what
it is, but it's something along those lines, like live your truth or go
be, like something like you do you or something. I think that's what it is. Like you do you
and, you know, live your truth. And I'm like, well, that's great
if your truth is God's truth, but what
if your truth is actually not truth?
Yes, that's the worst statement, right? I was
telling the ladies, I'm like, what if your truth and you truly believe
that there's no gravity? You can go live your truth. There's no gravity.
So you can go jump off a building because there's no gravity. So you can go live your truth.
You ain't living very long
because your truth of no gravity, not really true.
You ain't living much longer, right?
I know that sounds like, you know, like, okay, come on, Carly. No, but
seriously, like we're not looking for our truth and what feels
comfortable for us because we
just refuse to look at something. We're actually like, God, what
do you say is true? What's going to stretch me?
What's your truth? What are you calling
from me? How can I show up in that? How can I
be obedient to your word? That's
important. How can I remain faithful? How can I take those
faithful steps? What does that look like, God, in every situation?
Ladies, and I'm not just talking about dating situations. I'm talking about work situations.
I'm talking about family situations, friendships, all sorts of stuff.
Whatever it is that you're dealing with.
Ask yourself, is this mine to carry
or is this God's? So I want
you to look at that list of what's yours to carry and let's get specific
and I want you ladies to share that. Now, God's to carry.
Outcomes, timing,
changing people.
Y'all, you can't change
people. And I know that's
one that's like, if I do this, maybe they're going to respond this way.
Y'all, I spent a lot of my years doing that.
I was in so many not so great relationships.
I thought, if I just show up this way and if I
do this, then their response is going to be this.
Y'all, it never worked out.
I couldn't change them, even though I wanted to see, oh, but they're just such a great
like, I just see so many good qualities in them.
Well, they say they have good qualities, but they're not showing the good
qualities. The information that I'm getting, like God is
showing me information and I'm just refusing to see it. God's saying, hey Carla,
I've asked you to look at this,
but you're not being obedient to me. You're sitting here
trying to change this person's behavior so that you feel comfortable
and you're avoiding what
I'm showing you. And y'all, I found myself in some really not
so good relationships, let me tell you.
And so that's something that I had to learn, and it wasn't easy.
But ladies, I will tell you, the freedom that comes when you
release and surrender that, doesn't mean that there's not
pain that comes with it.
But you have community here that supports you.
And once you start living through that and you start seeing the fruit
that comes from that, y'all are going to be in a role.
The future is something that's God's to carry.
And this is the one that I like the most, is
transformation. Transformation is God's.
Even your transformation is God's responsibility.
You just are partnering
with Him. You're participating,
but you don't get to decide what He's going to stretch you in.
He's going to shift your heart. He knows what needs to transform in your heart.
So there are going to be some pushes.
So this week,
there are going to be
some anxiousness that comes up. There's gonna be discouragement that will
probably come up. There's gonna be some frustration and some anger. There's gonna
be some hopelessness that's gonna surface. How do I know? Because I lived it.
When that comes up, ladies, I'm giving you a tool to not have to sit in it for so
long. When that surfaces and you recognize, oh, I'm feeling really anxious.
I'm getting really upset. I'm getting really, you know, annoyed. I'm getting
angry. I'm getting frustrated. I'm getting sad. I'm getting lonely. I'm getting
when you're getting all those uncomfortable feelings, you're gonna stop
and you're gonna ask yourself, what side of the paper am I holding?
Am I holding something that is God's responsibility or am I carrying
something that's mine? Sit with Him. Okay? And I want you to come in this week.
Okay? Some of you, it might take a week for God to kind of work some things out.
Okay? Some of you might, He might reveal something to you very quickly. Maybe
He's already been working on you with something. Okay? This isn't a race. And
then I want you to share in the app this week and what God invited you to place
back into His hands. Okay? Is that something we all think we can do? Possibly?
Maybe?
Okay. I got one yes. Woohoo! Yes. Thank you, Shelley. I heard your yes. Thank you, Amanda.
I'm walking through the parking lot. No worries, girl. No worries. And then I will post those
coaching notes. I don't know. I think last week when I posted, I think a lot of
you ladies liked that. So I will do my best to get those posted tomorrow or
Thursday. And then, good, Lisa, you appreciate those. Okay, good. I do too.
And like I said, we had some, and again, you're on this call now. You can always
watch the replay for the first one, for the one o'clock one, because you'll hear
questions that will be different from ladies' questions tonight too. And y'all,
I'm telling you, you get towards the end now. I extended it long. I'm probably
gonna extend this one a little bit longer because I still took more time
than I anticipated. But those questions that were asked on the afternoon call,
y'all, those were fire. Like, Holy Spirit was on those. I don't know. Was anybody on
the one o'clock? And I think, Peggy, you were, but I think you might have had to
jump off. I don't know. Were you there towards the end? You weren't on
at the end. I don't know if anybody else was on. There was a few that might have
been, but yeah. Yeah. So, yes. Anne was on there. Okay. One was very, very relevant.
It was really, really helpful. So, I mean, you can, even if you need to fast-forward
through some of that stuff too, especially all that housekeeping stuff,
I've got to find a way to kind of move through that quickly. That's gonna be my
goal. I'm gonna tap in with Ebony and see what she does to get through
things a little quicker on that. So, okay, ladies, give me your questions. Raise your
hands. What's we got? What are we struggling with? What's tension? What are
we celebrating? I don't want this just to be like, I'm struggling. But if you're
celebrating something or if God's revealing something to you, I want
this to be that time to open up. Like, what's happening?
What do you ladies have? I got Peggy's. Peggy's got a hand.
All right, Peggy, I'm gonna let you go and then hopefully that will give some
encouragement to some of the other ladies to start throwing their hands up.
Okay. So, Peggy, what's your question? Oh, make sure you unmute.
Okay, that's good to know that she doesn't get them through quicker.
I think for me, I just take a really long time maybe getting through content.
No, that's all right.
I just, I have trouble.
There's something at the bottom of my screen that keeps me from getting the stuff to come
up so I can click on it.
So I apologize for taking so long.
Okay.
I had something really unexpected happen to me today.
Okay.
I went to my hair salon and my hair lady, who the last time I saw her just a couple
weeks ago, she had mentioned to me a widower that she knew and cared about and wondering
if, and I had thrown out my, you know, dutifully thrown out my fishing line, you know, and
she picked up on that.
And today she said, I want to show you this man because she, she obviously talked to him.
And so she was showing me a bunch of pictures of him explained.
She had explained his background.
He's a business owner, former business owner, very well established in his field and he
sold it off a few years ago.
Close to my age is two years older.
My husband was just two years older than me too.
And I don't have that as a non negotiable.
He doesn't have to be the same age.
My husband was, but he happens to be.
So anyway, I don't know what question I'm leading up to here.
One of them I do know.
So when I got home, he texted me, like, ladies, I'm, I'm Carla jr right here.
I had no plans of going on the apps.
I went on the apps for like one month back in 2024, a little bitty Christian app.
And I got a half a dozen matches and nobody reached out.
I just, I was so discouraged.
I just folded up my tent and went away.
And so I, this, this really has kind of come out of the blue.
So I, I'm really gonna need to give God my, his trust, his timing, you know, now my salon
lady is not a Christian.
She swears, you know, up a storm, but at the same time, she's got a heart.
You know what I mean?
I met her right after my husband died and I think I'm the stray puppy.
You know what I mean?
And I went back to my old salon lady right after I saw her a couple of times.
I just said to her, I, I just got to go back to my old salon lady.
I, she was 70 miles away.
I still drove the, cause I had history with her.
She was a Christian.
I just felt safe with her.
I had to have a safe place to be after my husband died.
You know what I mean?
Because after you get widowed, it just seems like all hell breaks loose and it, it just
was a storm.
And so anyway, he, he texts me, it sounded, he sounds masculine.
He sounds mature.
I do not know if he's a Christian.
Okay.
She really talked up how he was a, but he just, I could read you his post.
My name is Pat Moody.
Jenna gave me her picture and phone number.
She says, you and I may have similar interests.
I would like to talk or meet for coffee or dinner and see how things go.
And I'll, he said, are you in the city where I live?
You know, he named our city.
I'm going to San Antonio for about 16 days.
Can I get in touch with you when I get back?
Have a blessed day.
So I replied and, you know, told him a little, told him where I lived in our city and not
my address or anything, but yeah, good, good.
Very good.
Yep.
I said, Jenna gave me your picture and name and described her relationship with you and
your wife.
I have not been going to see Jenna very long, but there is a unique, a unique history we
have.
Sure.
We could get together after you come back from your trip.
I hope you have a nice time and safe travels, Peggy.
And then he thanked me.
He said, thank you.
Looking forward to seeing you soon, which I thought was, I love it.
And then I said, you're welcome.
Same here.
And then I kind of worried afterward that I was maybe too abrupt or something, but he
put a little thumbs up on my bubble.
So.
Woo-hoo girl, look at you
Okay, so as you were as you were sharing, um, I was writing some things down
So
Do you have like a specific question or you were just like you're celebrating and is it you're just like
I'm kind of celebrating but at the same time I
Feel like this very issue you're talking about is bubbling up in me. I feel like
There is this
Like little frozen deer in the headlights thing going on with me
Like cuz it's caught. It's caught you off guard. This is this is real time
Yeah, real person in real real time. Yeah
Relate put in the chat. I know you can relate. Yeah, she's not alone. Is she? Yeah. Yeah, and I'm like
All of us
Well, that's so good to know. Yeah, I'm a little
Little anxious. I wonder do I tell my son?
There's one of my questions. Okay, I want to tell my son but at the same time my young my daughter
She didn't tell him my husband and I that she'd been dating her future husband like for six or seven months
She was completely mom and I feel like a real blabbermouth, you know what I mean?
So I feel like I should just keep it to myself. Okay? Yeah, this is this is like
Peggy this is where
God is
Showing up for you. There are so many things here
first
one thing that I'm noticing is
You've really been doing the heart work
Ladies if you've seen anything that she's posted anything like that and I know, you know, Peggy she's had some one-on-ones
Okay, so she so I know a little bit more. Okay, but um
She's really been working the heart work
all right, so and
and
Ladies when you will see that on others and you see the engagement and you see, you know
How ladies are showing up and doing that?
It's gonna be hard not to notice what God's doing in their life and
So I think you've already been walking in this surrendered heart and you've been healing
now are there moments of
That it's all gone
Well, no, we always are gonna have areas that you know need growth and things like that. Okay, but
God is starting just to to stretch you some
He's really showing up because you've released a lot of those outcomes and let him
carry what
he's
in control of and
So when that happens
We get out of his way and we get out of our way
Yeah, and we start seeing things unfold and so that's what I'm recognizing
And so there's a couple things that you were sharing that again. We're gonna just apply
Our phase two like little little principles here, but we coach you ladies through dating, okay
You're not sure if he's a Christian ladies
That is not uncommon
Right, and I don't want you to stress about
Finding out if he's a Christian right away, and I know some of you ladies freak out about that
All right, I know it all right and I know I get pushed back I know Jackie gets pushed back. All right
It is not yours to carry to interrogate or
Determine if someone's a Christian right away
Is it important that they are in alignment with your beliefs absolutely
I'm not telling you not to go date someone that is not a Christian
I'm not telling you not to go date someone that is not aligned with your faith and your beliefs. That is not what I'm saying
Okay, God wants you aligned with someone that he's got walking
With you in your your purpose and what he's called you for
Okay, so that is 100% important. All right
But we've got to trust God in the timing that that gets revealed
When God wants to reveal it to you
All right
Right now you're in that process lady. You've heard me say this for weeks is you're gathering information in this stage
You're learning you're discovery dating
What do you like what do you not like
What information are you learning about them? How are they showing up? You said right now you see him being masculine
mature. Great. We want to see a consistent pattern of that masculinity and that maturity.
Okay. If you start seeing some things come up, we're going to just take note of those things
and then see, is there a pattern there? Okay. If things start showing up as a pattern
and we now are maybe being asked to, you know, God is stretching us to put up a boundary,
or maybe he's stretching us to have some more honest, open communication.
That might feel scary, which you've had some courage this week. All right. Communication
might be something he might want to stretch you on. So you might have to, you know, stretch your
communication with this, with this, uh, Pat gentleman. Okay. Yes. And so you're going to
just, again, you're walking along with God and asking him, what are you stretching me in? What
is it that you are asking me to step in faithfully? What do you want me to faithfully
walk into next? He's not going to show you the whole journey, just the next step. Okay. So that's,
that's that discovery dating piece. Okay. When you start finding yourself getting anxious,
ask yourself, am I trying to carry an outcome? Am I trying to carry the future? Am I trying to
carry wanting certainty, which I know all those things are gods, right? Yeah. Or am I
carrying what's mine? And that's, you know what I'm in a community that God has used as a resource
to walk me through this stage of life. He's showing up. He's teaching me things. He's giving
confirmation through that. Yes. And he's, he's shown up and I have, you could write down lots
of things that he's already done for you ladies. I'm sure you all can find something. And if you
can't ladies come on that, come on the app and say, Carla, I'm struggling. Ladies. We want
to work with you. We don't want you to stay silent. We're here to help you. And if you're
discouraged or you're struggling, don't let that disqualify you. Don't let don't sit in isolation
thinking you're the only one. I guarantee you there are others that are right there with you,
but we want to pull those things out. One of the girls on the call this afternoon,
you know, she was like, I don't get this. I'm not. And she hadn't been coming for a while. And I was
so happy to see her and y'all Holy spirit showed up. It really did. And so I want you to sit in
that discovery dating phase. And so I felt prompted to share this as well. Cause I think this is going
to be really, really key for a lot of you ladies in this discovery dating phase. All right. Especially
with those of you that really just want to know if he's a Christian or not. Okay.
Jackie tells us, okay. To be a fruit inspector, not a gift inspector.
We're looking for fruit of the spirit.
That tells me they have Holy spirit in their heart. It shows up. Is there peace?
Is there patience? Is there kindness? Is there goodness? Is there faithfulness? Is there
gentleness? Is there self-control? Is that showing up? What I tend to see in our community
for those of us that are really hardwire, like I got to know if he's a Christian,
I don't want to waste my time. Like he's got to, you know, he's got to operate in this, this,
and that we're looking for their gifts, but ladies,
people can have gifts and they could not be using them properly.
They can sit there and have, you know, they could be great ministers, great teachers,
know the word really minister to people, but y'all are gifts that God blesses us with.
We have to remember those gifts are not for ourselves. They're for others and for the kingdom.
So just because somebody has a gift, we need to look at their fruit
and their heart and their spirit. Are they using that gift for themselves,
for pride, for their own advancement, or are they using it
it for God and for others in the kingdom? Are they humble? Do they walk in humility?
How do they show up? That's what we're looking for. And ladies, believe it or not, you'll be
surprised. A lot of times you don't have to wait really long until you find out if they're a
Christian or not. Because guess what? You are. So when you're learning about them and they're
learning about you, if God is the center of your life, guess what you're going to talk about
naturally? You're going to talk about God. And you're going to see how they respond. And God's
going to use what you share to reveal more information about them. And you're going to
see how they respond. And ladies, we ask you to get curious. Don't jump to conclusions.
Ask curious questions. Don't ask the direct question, so are you a Christian? Tell me your
story. Tell me your testimony. How do you like, no, be like, if they say something, be like, oh, well,
so you don't go to church. You know, is there a reason that is? Did you ever go before?
Is there a reason that you stopped going? Some people think, oh, well, he doesn't go to church.
Y'all, fun fact, I didn't go to church when I was in this community for a while.
God called me away from my church and there was a reason for that. Because God was preparing me
to have to leave my, to leave my comfort zone and move to Texas. Y'all, I wouldn't like, if I was so
locked into that church at that time, I wouldn't probably have agreed to move.
Because that church was my life source, was a resource for me as a single mom. I was in that
church for 10 years and God pruned that church for me. And that was hard. And so I'm like,
hmm, well, if I just always, if y'all went by someone not going, it's understand the why.
Just because people go to church doesn't mean they have a relationship with the Lord.
You can go to church every Sunday and there is no relationship with God whatsoever.
And then there's other people that, you know, might not always go every Sunday.
I know when my son has baseball, y'all, I can't always go every Sunday.
But guess what? I'm in the Word just about every single day. I'm watching sermons all the time.
I am meeting up with my friends and we are having Bible study. We are talking scripture.
Like I am very much intimate with the Lord. So that's what you're going to want to gather.
But you want that to naturally show up. Okay. So I felt that was really, really important,
but I want to get to your question of, do you tell your son? And I think you were kind
of going back and forth. And so with that, if you're going back and forth,
what does your heart tell you to do?
I'm afraid to answer. I don't know the correct answer.
If you don't know, what is the best choice? If you don't know, if you're not getting a clear
answer, what do you think the right answer is at this moment is to not say anything yet.
If you don't have the piece of a, this or that, you don't have to have the answer right away.
Right. And so I think that's okay. I think right now, this, this is a new guy. You don't know
where this is going. You are just getting to know this guy. All right. And that relationship
with your son is very, very sensitive. Yeah. That's got your heart. Yes. I don't want something
that has your heart to now intertwine with something new that could possibly get you kind of
into this chaos. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. So that's important.
Yeah. Okay. So I have, I have two sons by the way. Yeah. I have two sons. Yeah. But the,
the one that I live closest to physically, yeah. He would be the one I was thinking of,
but yeah. I mean, and again, I think somebody asked this question, like, when do we start,
you know, introducing them? Well, I would say get to know them for a little bit.
Once you start moving past the get to know you stage and you think it's moving towards exclusivity,
okay. Then you're going to want to, you're going to want to bring them into your community and
you're going to want to be in their community. You're going to want to see.
how they respond to people that are close to you,
and you're gonna wanna see how they respond
in their environment as well.
Exactly.
But get to know them first,
see if there's some things that you enjoy about them.
Like make sure that,
like you actually enjoy spending time with them.
And then there's some commonalities
and some compatibility there, okay?
Yeah, that makes sense.
Does that make sense?
I don't know anything at this point
other than what she's told me.
Yeah.
All right.
All right, perfect.
Thank you so much, Peggy.
You're welcome.
All right, Chrissy.
How are you, Chrissy?
My girl in Florida, Tampa area.
What's up?
Hello.
Can you hear me okay?
Yes, I can.
Okay.
So it didn't have necessarily a question.
It was just something to, I guess, celebrate.
I love celebrations.
So God has really been,
I'm gonna say amping me up for this conversation today.
Yes.
Because that's how I've been feeling,
especially with this move.
And I didn't even move like across anywhere
or move to a different place.
I literally moved down the hall.
I moved from one room to another
because my sister and my niece were moving
into the room that I was in
and they were moving from their house into ours.
Love it.
So it was a lot of chaos.
But in the meantime,
I did have a moment where I remember walking out of my room
and having like moved all this stuff in
and just thinking to myself,
I have a lot of responsibilities and I'm tired.
But I moved on and kept doing things.
And then this past Friday,
there was a trivia night that I wanted to go to.
And I really enjoyed trivia.
I love any kind of trivia.
And it was specifically movie soundtracks.
And I know that I could have won,
but I had no one to go with.
And I kept telling myself, it's okay.
You can go by yourself.
It's not a big deal.
But at the same time,
my friend who owns a fitness mobile,
she was doing a fitness event that evening
and had asked me to come.
And I was torn.
Should I go there?
Should I go here?
Because I need to fitness, but I also want a trivia.
And I ended up having like a,
in the middle of the day,
I worked from home and I was having a conversation
with my mom and my sister.
I went back to my desk and my heart,
I have a heart condition I was diagnosed with in March.
Okay.
And the symptoms had gone away
for the past maybe like two months.
And all of a sudden they came back
when I sat back down at my desk
and I was like, what is going on?
I'm like, I haven't felt this way.
I couldn't breathe.
Okay.
I had to stand up, like all this stuff.
And I was going, I was like,
going back through everything.
And I was like, did I do something?
Did I, you know, mind you,
I didn't even think about the moving.
Like of all the things I could have done
that would have stressed me out,
moving was not on my radar.
And I was like, cool off.
We get it.
We've all probably had a moment of moving
and y'all that is, oh, that's, it's heavy.
So I get you.
So I just was like, okay, well,
if I'm not feeling well,
I don't want to like,
I don't want to overexert myself if I go work out.
And then obviously I'm not going to go
and sit in like a bar by myself doing trivia.
Like I know I'm going to be like,
that's going to make me anxiety-ish.
Yeah.
So I just ended up not doing anything.
And I stayed at home and I had like,
my nephews were here.
So we had a good time.
We were watching Star Wars
and realized I should take my nephew to trivia with me.
You know, so it was fine,
but I was still feeling that way.
And then Saturday I was feeling that way
and started feeling the chest,
you know, heart palpitations and all that.
And I just look up thinking,
like, what is going on?
What is going on?
And then today I was feeling the same way.
And I was like, okay, God, you know,
I don't know what's going on,
but you know, maybe I did something to stress myself out.
Again, the move was not in my radar.
And just when you said that in carrying stuff,
I was like, oh, that's it.
And I realized I've been carrying all of this.
I've been carrying all of this.
And even the Supernatural Saturday,
not this past Saturday,
but last Saturday was when we first started moving.
And, um, I had to leave the house cause I was like, there's too much emotions going
on.
Um, uh, would they feel her?
Yeah.
Jackie was talking about that.
Cause she went, she went to that retreat.
Yeah.
And I was like, I gotta get out of the house.
I can't, I can't stay in here.
And I left.
And as soon as she started talking about her mom and that song, I just started weeping
and I was like, Oh, okay.
I was like, this is what's happening.
We're like, we're grieving the move.
There's, there's a lot of change happening all at once.
And I'm feeling what everybody else is feeling on top of the things that I'm already going
through.
And then thinking about the last year single and thinking about this book, um, we just
did the book club with her.
I just did the book club with her.
Um, the last thing on my mind, I haven't even, I haven't even looked through my apps to download
an app.
I'm, I'm afraid to, I didn't, it took me probably about two or three weeks to even bump myself
up to phase two because I didn't want to.
And I, the day that I made the transition was the day we started the book club.
So when she was like, Oh, you can't date now.
And I was like, Oh, okay, no problem.
Girl, I would have been like in that book club for a whole year.
Cause I, y'all, I was not dating for a year.
Yep.
Sure.
So I love that.
Like this is, see, this is good.
So I let like what I'm, what I'm hearing in your voice is you're allowing yourself just
to be, to give yourself grace and you're being gentle with yourself and you're recognizing
what you're feeling.
Just having that, being tuned into that is so important.
Ladies, just because we are surrendering things to God doesn't mean we're not allowed to have
feelings and emotions.
Doesn't mean that we can't recognize that it's the fact that we can sit and say, this
is what I'm feeling.
And the fact that you're taking time and saying, okay, I don't think it's this.
I'm not sure, but look at how God showed up with this.
With this, like all, all God had to use was a word about carrying, carrying weight.
And that's, that allowed Holy Spirit to speak to you and said, Hey, you have carried some
stuff.
And so now you get the opportunity to go rest.
I love the fact that you, you recognize that you were like the first thing you were like,
okay, um, there was all this, this chaos and all that kind of stuff.
There was trivia and I wanted to go, but I also knew I was tired.
And then your friend asked you to go do something.
And you're like, like, you see how you're kind of like leaning towards, like, if I'm
wanting to, I'm wondering, do you often feel like you have to do some, like you're forced
to do something and that you can't honor what it is that you want to do for you?
Yeah.
And so I want you to pay attention to that.
Chrissy sits still with that.
It's okay.
You are recognizing what your body and what your heart is communicating to you.
And you're allowed to take that to God and say, God, I don't want to do that.
I feel like I have to help me with that.
Give me the courage to say, I'm just going to stay home and rest.
You don't have to give the reasons.
You don't have to feel shame or guilt.
You just get to recognize, you know, but I'm tired.
I don't want to have to keep performing for other people.
I want to take that on.
And so now you get to sit with the Lord.
Maybe he wants you to be still because maybe he wants to have that time with you.
So that you can sit and you can dive deeper of where's, where's that coming from?
Is that part of something that he wants to heal?
And it's okay that you're not jumping into dating.
Don't force yourself.
Sometimes we're in seasons of rest because we need the rest.
At the beginning of the summer, God told me, Carla, you're taking a 90, 90 days of rest.
And I'm like, what?
I can't do that.
He's like, no, like, and I sat with that.
I'm like, well, what does that look like?
What's that mean?
And he's like, it just means you're not going to overdo yourself.
You're going to allow yourself to sit when you need to sit.
And you're going to spend time with me.
You're not going to overachieve and take on responsibilities of other people.
And so I think this is a great celebration.
And I want you to recognize what work you're doing.
Like, how is the heartwork showing up?
Like you are recognizing those things.
So lean into that.
Lean into that.
And, you know, and if you're carrying this heaviness with it, like, oh, I'm supposed,
let's sit with that.
Share it with us.
We can help you walk through that.
Spend time with God.
See what he's revealing.
Let us know, like, hey, I, I think it's this and this thing.
Some of these things come up.
I'm not really sure what to, how to process this.
We'll walk you through it.
That's what we're here for.
All right.
And I also feel like you said that you, you moved down the hall.
I felt like, let me ask you, does it feel like there's a fresh start?
Yeah, I do feel that way because like, I feel that I felt that when I first moved here,
because I moved here in September to my parents' house.
And I was able to spread out.
So I had an office and I had my bedroom and they were two separate things.
Yeah.
And this move has now pushed me into my office so that my sister and my niece would come
into the bedroom that I had.
But, but it was the first time that I had moved, I've moved a lot, that I felt,
yeah, like you said about the hurricane, I felt peace.
I didn't feel what I would normally feel.
I didn't feel stressed.
Like I didn't, honestly, I didn't feel the stress.
And the reason I left the house is because my parents were moving, were helping the move
and they were doing their own thing.
And I could feel them stressing me out.
And I had to, I actually physically stayed in the house for a while.
Stressing me out.
And I had to, I actually physically stopped what I was doing in my room and I started
praying and I prayed out loud because I was like, I don't know what's happening here,
because I started getting really sad.
And I started feeling the, like hearing these things that I was like, this isn't me.
This isn't, these aren't my thoughts.
And so when I, that's so good.
Yeah.
That's when I left.
And you know, like you're recognizing that.
So you're, you're in this, like, and that's the thing is you're in the discovery phase.
You're learning more about what it is that Chrissy needs.
All right.
Being an empath, it can take a lot of out, it can take a lot out of you.
It is a beautiful gift, but I don't know what your background is.
I don't come from a background of, um, like my, my parents aren't big believers.
Like I had no one to help me steward that gift.
I really never knew I had this gift until I came in this community around other charismatic
people.
Like, you know, I went to a charismatic church, the one that I had to move out of, but they
were not like your typical charismatic church.
There, there wasn't a lot of that going on.
Um, a lot of, you know, no one was, they weren't walking you through that.
And so I had no idea that this was part of my gifting.
I just thought I'm just overly emotional and I just feel everybody's feelings and, you
know, some people can't handle it.
And so I don't know if that has ever, like, if, if you have that in your life or you don't,
um, but you're starting to.
recognize what you're sensing and you're starting to say,
okay, this is what I'm feeling.
I need to go take care of myself. I'm going to go pray.
I'm going to go recognize this is something that's mine or is it somebody
else's that's huge. Like,
like I said, it is a beautiful, beautiful gift,
but when no one's
helping you steward that or they have,
and we gotten away from stewarding it well, because we're all human.
We can do that. You know, I, trust me, I,
I was very,
I became very good at my gift when I was in this community and
single,
when I stepped into marriage and I gained a husband and
two teen children who all three of them experienced some
trauma. They, they, you know,
my husband's wife passed away. So my two kids lost their mother.
She struggled with some,
some mental illnesses and there was some toxic behaviors that, you know,
my husband had to live through for his entire marriage.
There was a lot of trauma that was taking place and y'all,
when I was living in it, that gift,
that feeling took over and I
had no one helping like keep me in check.
And so it got out of hand for a minute.
So I want you to sit with this, like,
be like, recognize that. I want you,
I want you to, to start maybe jotting down
moments when you recognize what you're feeling
and what you're sensing you need to do and write it down.
And then when you write it down,
do what you're writing down and see if that helps.
Sound good. Yes. Thank you so much for sharing. I love that.
All right. I got Nikki up next. I got,
I know a lot of you are jumping off because I've definitely,
I'm going about 30 minutes over. So Nikki,
you'll be our last one.
I don't know if there were other people that had questions they might've had to
drop off. Hopefully they're going to go in the app and, and share.
How are you Nikki? Another Florida girl. I love it.
Yeah. I've been here a while.
But so I know about the hurricane.
So I've been in phase two a really, really, really long time.
And I have not dated. I have not gone on the app to anything.
I did a one-on-one with Ebony on Friday actually is my
first time doing a one-on-one cause I have not been coming to the meetings.
Some of it is because I've been working late.
But I have
reached a point where I'm just like really
tired. I don't know what the word is. Just like tired, I guess, right.
Is the best word I can think of.
Emotionally tired that I was like,
I need to do a one-on-one and then I need to start going back to the,
to the meetings.
Cause I went to a lot of the Tuesday night meetings in 2025,
but this year I have not gone to very many.
But basically when I did my one-on-one with Ebony,
we got into like deeper stuff.
So we didn't actually like talk as much about the current situation that I'm in.
And I wasn't going to say anything at first cause I'm like, well,
I'll just process it with Ebony again, which I do want to do.
But when you were talking to Peggy about not asking
if a person is a Christian right away,
I thought I would just bring up like the situation that I'm in.
Not because I was supposed to ask this guy right away if he's a Christian,
but I have been thinking about this situation so much and like what I could have
done different.
And I have to admit that if I had asked him like immediately,
I would have been possibly not in this place that I'm in now.
But basically long story short I actually asked you this
question back in March cause it was one of the times I had gone on an eight
o'clock session
and you were filling in for Ebony and I appreciated your advice.
It's just, I asked for it. I felt like I asked for it too late,
but basically.
Basically, this man started working in February
where I work, and I had just started this new job, too,
in November, November, December.
Like, I had not been there very long.
Same company, just a different position.
We're both counselors, actually.
We work in outpatient.
He started working there in February,
and he took an interest in me pretty quickly.
He's only four years older than me.
I'm 38, he's 42.
He's very handsome, and my co-workers were already,
my female co-workers were trying to find out information
about him because they thought,
oh, you guys would be so cute together.
But I would tell them, I don't know if he's a Christian,
and I don't even wanna entertain this
if he's not a Christian, especially in a working environment.
And I've never experienced that before
because for a long time, I worked in a rehab,
and it was just for women,
and the people who worked there were women.
And so this is not a normal situation
that I'm in to begin with.
So anyways, he took an interest in me regardless.
It didn't matter what my co-workers were saying.
They were asking him questions,
but he already had his attention set on me.
And so he would offer to buy me chai.
He found out I liked chai
when he was going to the store at lunch.
Yeah, he was definitely showing like,
hey, I'm interested.
He was reciprocating that effort, I remember.
I do remember this, I do.
Yeah, that's a good memory
because this was March, early March.
Yes, I do.
It was really beginning of March.
And so we ended up, he got Teams on his phone.
Okay.
When you have Teams on your phone
and I have Teams on my phone,
it feels like you're texting.
It doesn't even feel like there's any difference.
Yeah, my husband has all those things too.
So it's always a ding or something.
Yep, all the things.
Yeah, so once it's on your phone
and we ended up engaging
in like really easy conversation on Teams
and like the chemistry was obvious just on Teams
and like it was just, it flowed really well.
And I was like, I like talking to him.
And so he asked me like,
do you wanna just go ahead and move this over to the phone?
So he gave me his number and I'm like, sure.
Like, it doesn't make any sense.
This feels like texting anyways.
Yeah.
So we started texting a lot.
He did know that I was a Christian
because like you said, like it gets brought up easily
when you're a Christian
and he knew I was going to a Bible study.
He knew a couple other things.
I had mentioned praying about something
and he gathered enough at that point.
But he hadn't mentioned anything about his faith.
The only thing I knew at that point
that had been gathered by my coworkers
was that he didn't go to church.
But once again, like you said, that doesn't necessarily mean
but I was like wondering.
So anyways, we talked on the phone once
before I came on to ask the question that I did in March.
We talked on the phone for a really long time,
like three hours.
Okay.
Nothing about spirituality and faith came up.
Okay.
And I started to get anxious
because I'm like, I already know myself.
Once I have an emotional connection,
it is really hard to break it.
And I was like, Nikki in the past
would probably keep it going.
But, and that would not be a good idea.
But now with this new information, I would just like stop.
I would stop talking to him.
But then I'm like, this is really complicated.
He works literally right down the hall from me.
I see him every day.
Like, this is not like a normal situation
where I could just be like,
oh, I'm just not gonna talk to you anymore.
And I was already like really enjoying our texting,
really enjoying the conversation.
So after I got off the call on here with you,
I went ahead and texted him
that I wanted to have a conversation
about something we hadn't talked about yet.
And he pretty much guessed
that it was spirituality and faith.
Like he's intuitive, he knew.
Yeah.
And he said, I can tell that your faith
is very paramount to you.
He says, you might be a little disappointed in me though.
Okay.
And so I told him, I'm not gonna be disappointed in you.
I didn't want him to think that if he didn't have faith
that he's like, I think of him less than.
Yeah.
So I did tell him I wouldn't be disappointed in him,
but I wanted to like continue the conversation on the phone.
So we planned to talk the next night.
We talked again for a really long time.
I found out he's an agnostic.
And I told him that we would just be friends.
Okay.
My problem is we basically, long story short,
We didn't talk for like a weekend,
but just interacting at work opened up more conversation.
We're texting again, we're talking on the phone again.
He's trying to understand why I won't give him a chance
because he obviously doesn't have the same worldview,
he just doesn't understand what I'm looking,
like why this is so important
because he's dated other Christians in the past,
he said, who weren't to church
and they didn't have an issue with that.
We spent so many hours talking about it in a respectful way.
He was truly, some of it was curiosity,
but I was telling him, like,
I want my husband to pray for me,
I want him to read the Bible with me.
Like I was, I didn't want him thinking like God is saying,
like he's not good enough or something.
Like I'm trying to explain like what I'm looking for
and I did bring up like not being unequally yoked
at one point.
Anyways, I ended up forming an emotional bond to him
and I thought, okay, I'm telling him I can't go out with him
I'm thinking I'm safe because we're not physically dating,
but all the conversations and not all of them
were like heavy and deep about spirituality.
It's just that that was part of our talking.
Okay.
I ended up forming a really, really
strong emotional bond to him, unfortunately.
And we kept trying to stop talking to each other
and then I kept initiating it.
I kept telling him like, I can't talk to you.
And at this point it is what has happened
just to fast forward.
Okay.
Between all of the like, I can't talk to you
but then we keep talking again
and I ended up saying some like emotional things to him.
It's gotten to a point now we're in July.
This started in February.
He is, he's like detached from me.
Like he, we ended up having another conversation
where I explained that we try to be friends
and I explained that it's still difficult for me
because I see him romantically still
because it kind of, it was, it ended up being like romantic
not inappropriate, but we talked about how we liked
each other and things like that.
So there was, there was an emotion,
like, so you had an emotional intimate moment.
Yes.
Yeah.
It was very, it was emotionally intimate.
Yeah.
And I thought I was safe for a little while.
And that's what I think, so what I'm hearing a lot of
and this is what I, so what are, like,
I'm, is this is what, is this what I'm hearing
that you're kind of now discouraged
and you're kind of beating yourself up?
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yeah, I feel, well, it's a couple things.
I feel like, I just, I feel very discouraged.
I feel like I'm grieving a bond
that could never go anywhere and it makes me really sad
because he fits a lot of other things.
I'm not complaining the faith,
obviously it's the most important,
but it's like, he's so respected by all my coworkers,
including like my Christian coworkers.
He is like a genuinely good man, honestly,
as good as you can be without Christ, I'm saying, but.
Yeah.
And now, not only am I grieving
and having to like be working around a man
that I have to keep telling myself no,
but I have created this, and he should detach,
like, he should, like, I shouldn't be upset that he does,
but it makes me feel like,
it makes me feel insignificant all of a sudden
and like, because I'm comparing
how he interacted with me before to how he is now,
and I never wanna be around a man who's detaching from me,
like, that's not what I would ever want to experience,
and like, now I'm experiencing it,
and I don't know, it's just so many things.
And then I also, I don't wanna be a bad witness
of Christ to him because I've handled this
in ways that aren't great.
Like, I mean, I've, when I said some things
that weren't fair or emotional, I did applaud.
I'm gonna stop you for just a minute, okay,
because I wanna show you. Sure.
Okay? Sure.
Okay?
Because you're starting to,
you're starting to beat yourself up, okay?
We're gonna stop you right there, all right?
And so.
So I'm just going to speak to a couple of things because I want you to just,
we're going to, we're just going to lower it. Okay.
So there's some things that are surfacing. Okay. One, um, yeah,
you're beating yourself up. And so that's a layer that, you know,
God can be revealing right now. Okay.
Um, ladies, if this happens,
I don't want you all to think that this is like,
you've messed up Nikki. You haven't messed up.
Okay.
God can use every situation,
every moment, every circumstance for you.
Okay.
I think there are some good things that God is highlighting
that you're going to be able to sit and grow in and
recognize this situation
does not, is not your identity.
Okay. So I think that's the first thing. Okay.
I don't know what you've worked on with Ebony, but you know,
spend time with the Lord on this identity. I want you to reckon.
There's a couple of things that I think you're recognizing. Okay. And ladies,
I think this is great for all of you. Good night ladies.
I know some of you had to jump off. I know where I want to spend time with Nikki
here. So we're going to stay on a little bit longer,
but if you have to jump off, that's totally fine. Um,
if you can stay on and get something from this is great.
You can always watch it and replay as well. Um,
one thing that I think Nikki that you're recognizing,
and I think it's going to be really,
really good for a lot of you ladies to recognize is that as the feminine,
the way that we will connect intimately
and feel safe and secure is through emotional
relationship. Okay. Yes. Yes.
I agree. Roberta. Um, she's saying thank you for being vulnerable. I love it.
Like ladies, this is where breakthrough comes. And, and Nikki,
I'm telling you,
you coming here and sharing this is going to give a lot of other women
breakthrough too. Okay. Thank you.
Be gentle with yourself. Okay. So I think you're recognizing, okay,
you were learning something about yourself in this situation. You're like,
okay, I struggle with emotionally attaching. Okay.
I don't think this would have had anything to do with whether or not he was a
Christian or not,
whether you knew he was a Christian or not earlier, sooner rather than later,
you had a lot of, a lot of things kind of working,
kind of influencing this interaction, right?
You got people at work kind of fill in your ear. Right.
And so again,
this sense of, Oh, I've got to give somebody a try. I've got to, you know,
see where this is going to go. I got to give someone a chance.
So I want you to recognize, again,
I don't think it's a bad thing to say, okay, what could I have done differently?
But I want you to really sit with that.
And I want you to go in your heart with that. Because if you're asking yourself,
what could I do differently? And it's from shame and guilt,
we need to deal with that. Okay.
I love asking the questions.
What could I have done differently when there is no shame and guilt attached to
it? And it's coming from a growth opportunity.
And there's grace to sit with the Lord,
ask him, Lord, show me grace.
Where can I give myself grace?
And so I believe
there were some opportunities where I
understand why that was difficult, Nikki.
I think there are several of us on this call,
myself included and ladies that will hear this in replay that
can relate and will have,
would have probably made some of the same choices that you made.
The thing that I heard that really stuck out to me,
I got to see where I wrote this down. Okay. It's right here.
When you've learned, so he picked up
after that call, you had the intuition of like, okay, this is important.
I need to have a conversation about it.
He picked up on that and he knew it was spiritual.
He did.
Yeah.
Okay.
That right there was like, Ooh, okay.
And then he says he's agnostic.
But what then started happening is he showed up in a respectful way, but he wasn't being
respectful.
Do you know what I'm kind of pointing to?
What do you think I might be pointing to?
Like it would have been more respectful for him to like back off pretty much now that
he knew like it was a non-negotiable for me.
That's a boundary.
He didn't respect that boundary.
He started pushing.
He wanted you now to start explaining yourself, having to justify your boundary.
You do not have to justify your boundaries, especially your conviction of being equally
yoked and wanting to be with a Jesus loving husband.
You do not have to defend that to anyone.
And I'm sure we've all been in this situation.
I think a majority of us could probably, we probably have a story or two to tell where
we felt like we've had to defend our faith and our beliefs and why our convictions are
important to us, to someone that wouldn't understand it.
And so I think right there, I get it, but now you get to learn from that.
You get to go to the Lord and be like, Lord, why did I feel like I needed to defend myself
on something that I know you created me for, that you put that desire in my heart.
You say it's true.
And I know it's true.
And I know you've shown up in my life.
The enemy is out there to kill, steal, and destroy.
That will happen.
We are going to have times where there will be those challenges.
And so God, or not God, the enemy is going to want to attack your identity.
So that's why I really wanted to slow you down because I think that's what God wants
you to sit with, with the boundaries and the identity piece.
And that's okay.
We've all been there.
Some of us will still keep going in that, right?
There's been a couple of times I've had to like do that, okay?
Even in my marriage, I had a strong, intimate relationship with the Lord.
And then I kind of got myself in, you know, spiraling.
And then I felt very disconnected from God for a little while.
Because the enemy's coming at me.
He doesn't like the fact that I'm married.
He doesn't like that I have a relationship with God and that I'm seeking my identity
through Christ.
Right?
So give yourself grace there.
And I think you showing up and just being vulnerable with that, don't hold that back.
Come to the community that you can lean on, where we've got you.
We get it.
We understand.
We don't want you carrying something that's not yours to carry.
We're here to help you with that.
We're here to come alongside you.
And so I don't think this has to be a...
You know, what did that what could I have done differently beat myself up and I should have guilt and shame
but uh
Lord I
Believe that you're gonna use things
and
circumstances
everything for my good
And this doesn't feel good
But Lord, you can use anything that was meant for evil and has been meant to destroy me. You can turn it all for good
So Lord, I know that to be true because it says it in your word
And you're not a liar
But the enemy he's the father of lies
So I'm not gonna believe
These lies that I need to have shame and guilt and if I would have known I should have known better. No
You didn't at the time you didn't know what you didn't know
But now God's revealing it to you and he's showing you something. He's want to give you some healing
And so I want you to embrace that
And say okay
What what did this guy not respect my boundaries
And what do you do if someone's not respecting your boundaries, but they're being really pleasant about it y'all
Some of the worst criminals out there or some of the nicest people
They will make it feel like it was your fault
Because they're nice but ladies
We don't have to be fooled by that
You get a pray Lord
Show me
When someone is not respecting my boundaries
Bring people in my path
To help me recognize
This is not
honoring my boundaries
Lord give me the courage to be vulnerable and and and show me and highlight to me
People that I can lean on and share this information with that are going to be wise counsel for me
That can help give me that strength that I need in Jesus to recognize
when someone
Might be nice. It's not honoring my boundaries
Because guess what?
Someone's not honoring your boundaries no matter how nice they sound
You can be nice to them
You get to be firm in your boundaries
Communicating clearly and firmly is being kind
You want to know who it's being kind to
You you're allowed to be kind to yourself. You're God's daughter
Do you know that God doesn't
Want anyone beating up on his daughter
Ladies do you know that's in Scripture?
Husbands are actually supposed to treat their wives well
Because if they don't guess what God doesn't answer their prayers it says that
All right. Now does it mean you get married a husband and you don't get married a wife and you don't get married a husband?
All right, now does it mean you get married a husband that'll do it perfectly no
Okay, give some grace. All right
But you're allowed
To care for yourself you're allowed to be kind to you
So when you're recognizing you know what
If he's asking you oh, well, you know, I dated other Christians and you know, they never had a problem with it. Well
Those are other Christians. Those aren't me
and
if you'd like to learn more I
Suggest maybe researching a few churches and maybe go go give a couple churches a try
You don't have to be the one to explain it to him
Say you know that I can understand why that might not make sense to you and that's okay if you'd like to learn more
You might try to attend a couple churches in the area
Don't don't give him an invitation to your church
Okay, ladies. Don't don't tell him to come to your church
All right
You
But you can just say, hey, I get why you don't understand.
It's also not my responsibility to have
to communicate that to you.
I'm convicted.
It's important to me.
And if you're not going to respect that boundary,
then I'm going to have to do other measures.
I mean, the only thing, I mean, it
could have gotten to a point where you'd be like,
I'm going to need to go to HR.
And I'm going to have to file harassment
because you won't leave me alone.
God's got you.
And I know there's fear coming up.
What's everybody else going to say?
Everyone's talking good about him.
But guess what?
Well, the thing is that by the time we had that conversation,
we were already getting along really well.
And so I think that he genuinely, this is not,
I do think he wasn't respecting my boundary.
I'm not taking up for him on that.
But I do think he was genuinely sensing
a connection between us.
And he can have good intentions.
And that doesn't make him a bad person.
Just because this, I'm not even going
to say this guy's a bad guy.
Quite frankly, he might one day have an amazing relationship
with Jesus.
He might have an amazing super encounter with the Lord
and become this Jesus-loving, wonderful dude.
We don't know that.
It's not our responsibility to know that.
I'm not saying that he was not a good guy.
But I want you to honor yourself,
have grace for yourself, care enough for yourself,
and recognize, how do I feel about myself?
How do I want people to treat me?
And yes, they're being nice to me.
But what's important to me, someone
is going to also honor that as well.
And this is important.
And that's another thing.
You're also recognizing maybe you
didn't realize exactly how easily emotionally attached
you would get.
Now you know a little more about yourself.
This is discovery dating too.
You're recognizing, OK, I really connect
to someone on such an emotional level.
I need to guard that more diligently.
Not that I have to be suspicious.
I just need to walk in some discernment and some wisdom
here.
I need to pace things a little slower.
I need to really pause and gather more information
before I allow myself to cross those emotional lines.
Those are things you get to learn from.
And you don't have to beat yourself up for that.
This is all a learning opportunity.
OK, and this is not something that you just poof overnight
it happens, OK?
You're going to have the ups and downs of it, OK?
Are you planning to do another one-on-one with Ebony?
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
Do you want me to share some of this with her
or have her touch base so that she's
got a heads up for when you guys do a one-on-one?
Sure, if you have the chance.
Yeah, if you have the chance.
And if not, I understand.
I can tell as well.
Thank you.
But yeah, I want just sit with that.
And then when you book, obviously
you'll do the intake form.
And you can clue her in a little more about some things
that God's revealing to you as well.
She does know about him.
OK, good.
Yeah, I outlined the whole thing from February to July
on the intake for the first one.
We just didn't talk about him as much
because we ended up getting into some deeper stuff.
Did any of that, and you don't have to tell me
and you don't have to share, but did any of the deeper stuff,
did it have anything to do with identity and boundaries?
And yeah, it had to do with identity and shame.
There we go.
And self-hate.
That's good.
Yeah.
See?
Yeah.
So she's on it.
She knows.
And so when you meet with her next,
if you're going to do that, you share that with her
and just say, hey, this situation, I recognize this.
And my pattern.
of self-hatred and my identity and all these things and really did come up and
you know on that Tuesday night call there were some things that were brought
up and you know sit with the Lord with that tonight and see you know what what
spoke to you what's resonating with you what are you have questions about and
those are things that you know I'm you can unpack with her and ladies I say
this to all of you don't just rely on us coaches to be your source we're not
your source we're a resource go to God get in the word get in his word spend
time with him okay that alone will do wonders okay
Nikki thank you so much for sharing that I just know that so many ladies
probably felt right on that same page where you're at I know I did because I
would have totally I would have been putty in that so you're not the only
one that would have done that like kept the phone conversations yeah and you
me personally why I would have done it and I'm not saying that this is why you
did it why I would have done it because I know myself because getting attention
especially if he's cute what made me feel better feel like I was yeah yeah
he was he was paying attention to me in a way that was very intentional it wasn't
it didn't feel superficial and it was yeah there was a lot of that and and I
we didn't talk about anything inappropriate but I did encourage some
of the connection you know I can't put it all on him he initiated and I tried
to do the breaks but my boundary was flimsy like it didn't take very much for
him to push it over you know like yeah yeah like now you you just get to walk
in that practice and you recognize okay I got us I got it you know I'm someone
that has I'm one of those people that you know doesn't really have a fence
yeah once there's a bond it's hard like I would have needed I would have needed
to cut it off a lot earlier yeah to not have that attachment yeah and so and
those are things that you just start learning like what is it that you know
you you get better at understanding like what questions you need to ask in and
what things you're looking for you go in and you'll start praying more
specifically and you'll see like God's showing up in certain things and again
ladies I I won I just really appreciate all of you staying on the call because I
know it's late I'm going like way over so my apologies but it's really easy for
us to just kind of get in that I don't even know what I'm saying here but
anyway I just drew a blank but yeah like I don't want y'all to get so hard on
yourselves about that it really you get to put this into practice now all right
you you recognize okay I got some areas that I need to work on and it is
boundaries and so guess what ask the Lord to give you some opportunity to
work on your boundaries and be in community that's what I was gonna say
ladies I cannot stress enough utilize this community and utilize what you have
here and all of us coaches write the books in the app all right book the one
on ones if you need to all right we are here to walk alongside you in this we do
it because I mean I know I do is because I've been there and I was blessed
because I had this community and so many people faithfully showed up for me
and loved on me and cared about me and God used people in this community to
pour into me and so what else would I do besides do that back for all of you like
I have like that's my heart that's how I that's how I humble myself and show my gratitude
food for what God's done because I don't want any of you ladies to have to walk through
what you've walked through any longer than you have to.
Okay, but ladies, all right, I'm going to jump off here.
Thanks for sticking with us.
Absolutely.
But ladies, typically I pray us out, we're an hour over.
So Lord, teach us, show us, heal us, grow us, all right?
In Jesus name, amen.
Good night.
Have a great Tuesday.
We'll talk to you again.
Bye.