Hi, good evening everyone. Welcome. Hello, hello. I think I see some new faces in here
tonight. If you're brand new, whether you're on screen or your Zoom profile is here, I
see some new faces. Maybe I just didn't see you last week, but if you're brand new and
you're joining us for the first time, maybe your first live session here on 8 p.m., I
would love for you to put that in the chat so that I can welcome you, we can welcome
you as a group. And also for those rejoining us, welcome back. It's so good to see you
all. I saw a couple of you all on our prophetic night last night. I hope that was a blessing
to you as well. Annie, welcome for your first time. So glad to have you here. Let's see
here. I don't know why it's showing in a separate. Oh, they're showing me a separate
chat for some reason. That was interesting. Okay. Linda, welcome. It's your first time
as well. I did see you last night. I remembered on the prophetic call. I'm glad you jumped
in and joined us for that. We have a lot of first time newbies. This is awesome. All right.
Danielle, Michelle, Maria. Is it Ricky? Is that how you say it? Awesome. All right, cool.
So we have, I'm sure some of our ladies that have been on with us for a while will join
tonight. I see some of our ladies that have been here for a few weeks as well. So for
those of you that just finished the Modern Dating Sex Book Club, congratulations on that.
It's an incredible book. Even myself, I've been married for almost four years. I've been
reading it. I'm almost finished. And I'm just like, man, this is just so timely and helpful
for people. And also I kept thinking, man, I wish I had this years ago. You know, thankfully
I navigated it through the coaching and the hard work and found my hubby and it's been
going great. But man, it's just really awesome to see what God is producing and literally
creating in and through Jackie and all of her blessings and giftings. So welcome. My
name's Bethany Cooper. I'm one of the Master Heartwork Coaches here in our community. And
some of you will see Andrea Jezelnik at 1 p.m. sessions. Some of you all will see myself,
Andrea, and Kelly Stotler, who also is one of our Heartwork Coaches, responding to your
post in the group. That's our current Heartwork Team. On occasion, Jackie might jump in when
she's able and just say something just that might be catching her attention or whatever,
or send a little video. But for the most part, you're going to see the three of us. And we're
so honored to be on this journey with you. We do not take this lightly. Heart healing
is an incredible process. It's not always an easy process, but it is incredible. And
we believe that God is divinely moving and has been for years. I've been with the Last
Year Single Movement. I'm one of the success stories. I came through in 2021. And I've
been with the movement since June of 21, coaching. And it's just been a joy to see
God bringing breakthrough and healing to so many people. And I always really believe strongly
in God's appointed time for everybody that is here at the time that you're here. And
so praise God, he's brought you here and he has a purpose for you and a plan. The spirit
mate is the cherry on top, ladies. So get ready, buckle your seatbelts, because God
is going to do something really miraculous in your life. And we cannot wait to get a
front row seat to that. Stacy, welcome also for your first time. And so we do typically
at the beginning of every session, I try to keep it as short as possible, a little bit
of housekeeping. So just for those that are new, or maybe you've been here for a few weeks
and you haven't done it yet. Either way, we would love for you to do an introduction
post in the group. So what I mean by that is when you go into the Last Year Single app,
if you click on that community tab, there is an option to create a post. If you'll create
a post, we would love for you to include a picture that is one of your favorite pictures
of yourself. And you can be with your dogs or your kids or just doing something that
you love. But we want you to share a picture that you love of yourself and a little bit
about yourself. You know, some people are just kind of nervous about posting in the
group. So I get it. Share what you're comfortable with. But here's the thing. This is your opportunity
to meet some of your sister squad, because those of you that are joining, you're coming
in tonight at the same time, we have ladies that have been here for a little bit, you're
going to get to know each other a little bit. And it's a really beautiful thing when people
can get to know a little bit something about you so that they might even remember that
when they come into one of the breakout rooms with you, or even see you on this live and
cheer you on. Even for myself as a coach, I feel more connected to the people that I
have an opportunity to get to know a little bit about you. And so just share what you're
comfortable with what brought you to last year single maybe a couple
your hobbies, you know, what's something you're believing for while you're here in this heart
healing process. And then also, we do ask you to come on screen as much as possible. So I see
several of you on screen with me tonight. Thank goodness for that. Because if not, sometimes I
feel like I'm coaching to myself. But I understand everyone's not always able to come on screen. And
I also understand that some people are actually just really nervous about it. So here's the thing,
we're not going to pressure you. But I am going to mention it from time to time. Because as you're
in the heart healing process, one of the important things that you're going to do on this journey is
come out of hiding. And there's a lot of people that don't even realize ways that they stay in
hiding, especially in the day in the world that we live in. There's so much online, right? And
we can show up and just have our zoom screen. And like I did a meeting last week, I never turned my
camera on. I hadn't even done my hair for the day. That's a glorious thing sometimes. But when we're
in here, I do want to encourage you tonight, I just put a hat on ladies. You know, I've been
hatting it up lately. And that's totally fine. Show up as yourself. Okay? But we love to see you.
And it's really good to allow yourself to be seen. And here's the other thing. It's going to be a
really good practice for you. For some of you, you're going to date online. And you have to get
comfortable with seeing your face on the screen. And so this is a great opportunity. Yes, this is
ladies only at this time. We've done it that way for years. I don't know if it will
change. But Jackie did mention last week that we might end up doing where the men join us for this
8pm session. And so if that changes where it does end up being co-ed, I will be sure to let you
ladies know. And it's just because, you know, the guys, they just don't get as much of the
heart we're coaching as you all do. And, and they want it and they are asking for it. And so
our guys do an awesome job, but they're just haven't been trained in all of this stuff quite
as much. And so we'll see if that changes. I will let you know. But tonight, it's just us ladies
here together. Praise the Lord for that. Sometimes I like it both ways. And so we want to encourage
you also to join the prayer calls as much as you can. If you're wondering what all is available to
you, if you go into the last year single app, you're going to see a tab called events. Inside
of the events is a calendar. It's going to show you our live session times like this. We have a
1 p.m. and an 8 p.m. Eastern on Monday. My dishwasher's singing to us, y'all, if you hear
it. Sorry about that. 1 p.m. and 8 p.m. live on Mondays. And then we have prayer calls that are
going to be on your calendar. If we ever have a special event, that will get added right to
your calendar. So ladies, check your calendar frequently. Right now, we haven't done many
special sessions, but sometimes when we get towards year end, we have special, like,
we've done, it's a little different than our prophetic ministry night that we do one Sunday
night a month. But we tend to, as a community, do a big prophetic thing together. And it's been
like an incredible blessing the last few years. But sometimes we do stuff like that. So just keep
an eye on that. And you will have the links inside of there to join each event. Supernatural Saturday
from this past week was kind of focusing on us not being alone. Just a reminder that God is with us
and He's always working. And so I want to encourage you to check that out,
the prophetic ministry night. If you don't even know what I'm talking about, we had that last
night. Totally okay if you didn't know about it. But that replay should be in your replay tab as
well. That's a time once a month where we come together just to, the prayer team and the prophetic
leaders come together to just minister prophetically to our Last Year Single movement and community
as a whole. And so that is in that replay. Okay, let me pray for us and we're going to jump right
in. Father, thank you so much for this night. God, thank you for everything that you're doing
in our hearts and our lives. God, thank you for all of these new ladies, God, as well as the
ladies that have been here and are continuing in their heartwork process. We thank you, God,
that you never leave us. You never fail us, God. I pray that you would just help the little versions
of themselves that have been broken or hurt or wounded or even adult wounding that has happened,
God, that you would help those places heal, be restored, be rebuilt, be redeemed, God,
and that you would help the current version of themselves to converge back, God, that there would
be a wholeness, a healing, completely whole, nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing broken.
In Jesus' name, we thank you, God, for supernatural divine encounters tonight, God, that you would
help me to convey your heart to them, that you would help them to hear what your spirit is saying,
God, that it would bring breakthrough and divine reset, God, from the inside out, God, and I thank
you, God, that you would help them to have even memories bubble to the surface that things
that they've long forgotten that are holding them back, God, that you would make it known to them.
So Lord, reveal the things that are in darkness and bring them to the light.
And we just thank you for that in advance in Jesus name. Amen. Thank you so much. So ladies,
if you keep seeing me messing with my nose, I'm sorry. I'm getting over being sick again,
and my nose is kind of bugging me a little bit. So I apologize for that. It's probably not going
to look super pretty on screen, but bear with me. It's going to be an awesome night. Tonight,
we are talking about what is the broken heart. You guys are going to be learning about that.
If you're brand new here in the first few weeks of your course, for those of you that are a little
further along, hopefully you've done that by now. But basically I'm going to try to walk you a
little further into that. What does it mean? How to unpack it a little bit, how to also recognize
some lies that we believe as a result of it. And so on that note, I want you to really hone in.
We're not just talking about the heart in general. We're talking about the broken heart,
the aspects of our broken heart, and where, what is it? Where does it lead us? And so I want to
remind you that trauma doesn't just hurt us. Okay? It creates different versions of us.
So we live into these counterfeit identities subconsciously, and we don't even know that
we're doing it because of the hurt and the trauma and then the lies that we believed as a result of
those things that we have gone through. So what is your broken heart leading you into?
That is not a part of your true identity. What paths have you gone down that you know now were
not a part of God's divine identity for you, his plan or his purpose. And maybe some of you,
you're like, man, I know this didn't go well, but I just don't even know why I keep getting tripped
up in this kind of area. Why do I keep attracting these unhealthy people? Why do I really struggle
to set boundaries? Why do I struggle to use my voice and actually say what I mean? There's so
many things that the broken heart causes us to do and also not do. For example, some of us,
when we start to feel pressure or change or things shifting, we will go back into isolation.
We will do self-sabotaging behaviors, minimize ourselves. Self-pity behavior is also in there.
So you may not even realize that those tapes, if you will, are playing behind the scenes in your
heart, in your life. The identity God gave you when he created you before pain and trauma ever
entered your life is what we're talking about. If you hear me say the fullness of who God
originally created you to be, that's what I'm referring to. It's that original design when he
created you before you were ever wounded. And some of us, many of us, don't even know what that person
was like. Because wounds and trauma came literally as we came out of the womb, okay? Some of you
came, you know, within a few years. Some of you came later. Whatever that looks like for you,
God wants to meet you right in the middle of those places and bring you to a place of healing
and and here's the other thing I just think is important to say tonight is some of you might
have done a ton of healing work already. And I don't want you to think any of that is invalid,
but here's the other thing. I also don't want that to become something that you get hung up on,
okay? So for example, some of us, like myself, I had worked with counselors and coaches. I had
done a lot of work before I even came into this community. I'd been in ministry for 20-some years.
I knew some stuff, if you will. But the reality is, I needed this content. I needed the healing
that I got here. I needed the revelations that God gave me in this process. And the reality of
all of that is that each piece, each step of counseling, coaching, the ministry experience,
they were all pieces of the puzzle leading me to the healing and breakthrough that I received here.
And then even since then, as I've been a coach, even as I coach this stuff, y'all, I continue to
get healing and revelation. And so heart work is a process, y'all. Now, while you're here in the
course, it is an intensive, what we would consider like an ICU, like a boot camp. It's intensive.
You're going to feel it, but we're going to be with you on that journey. So don't give up. Don't
quit on yourself. Keep going. I really encourage you one day at a time, just think, okay, Lord,
what's one thing I can do in my heart work today? If you can do two or three, awesome. But if you
can't, and the enemy tries to trigger you with overwhelm and like shutdown or distraction,
one thing, stay on track. Just focus on one thing. And that will get you all the way through. I
promise you. Okay. And I don't want you guys to get scared because some of you're like, I saw your
I was getting big, like what am I about to get into here?
The ladies that have been here for a little while,
go ahead and put in the chat,
maybe just one or two words,
what's some breakthrough that some of you have been here
that you've gotten that can encourage our new ladies
so that they know to stay in the game.
And I would love to see you all encourage them a little bit
as I keep moving forward.
And so some of you are gonna learn that,
basically in the Bible talks about this Beezlebub, right?
The devil, that is one of the names given to him.
And Jackie is so good in the way that she explains things.
And she's talking about the reality that Beezlebub
is the Lord of the flies,
which some of you may or may not know,
but she's talking about how flies serve a purpose.
They serve a purpose in the decomposition process though.
It's not for building us up you all.
It's not for adding a life to things,
it helps things decompose.
And so what flies do is they find an unhealed wound
on something, in something,
a sore or someplace of decomposition,
and then they lay their eggs there inside of that place.
So I want you to think about the areas of your heart
that are wounded, that are sore,
and the enemy is bringing, if you will,
his flies to lay eggs in those areas
and create more decomposition,
more breakdown, more bondage.
And then when those eggs hatch, well, guess what?
Those larvae now have an unlimited food source
because they're in the sore spot, if you will.
These unhealed heart wounds and trauma,
rejection that we've experienced
become an ideal place for the enemy to sow his seeds,
which are lies,
because our hearts are these fertile wombs, you all.
So whatever goes in there is going to get reproduced.
And so some of you, again, it's not your fault.
Some of you, the lies came so quick,
so fast, so early in your life
that you didn't even have the defenses
and the ability to sort that all out.
And so God's gonna help you in this process to do that.
I'm gonna read some of these things
these ladies are saying just to help you guys
so we stay kind of in the track too,
but I wanted you to hear this.
Self-love, identified times of rejection and healed from it.
I realized God wants me to be married more than I do.
Shocking, but it's true.
It is, it so is.
Allowing myself to feel negative emotions without judgment.
Yes, Elsie.
This is my second week here.
I made it through my first week of heart work.
Praise God.
I was terrified to jump in,
but so glad I made the choice to start.
Way to go, Marisol.
We're so excited that you're here.
Lisa says, realizing through the healing process
that there is more.
Y'all, there's always more.
There's always an upgrade that God wants to give us.
Okay, so the broken heart, we talk about it in three ways.
It's a liar, it's a puzzle, and it's a pretender.
The liar is that it's full of all these lies
that we've believed because of the things we've gone through.
It's a puzzle, it's messed up, it's distorted.
There's chaos sometimes.
And it tells us to do things that we don't really wanna do.
Anyone else ever been like, why did I do that?
I didn't even really wanna do it.
Watched the show, ate the food, slept with the guy.
Anyone?
Yep, it's real.
Even extended the time you were dating someone,
even though you knew they weren't good for you.
Why do we keep doing those things?
Well, because our heart is a puzzle.
There's a lot of confusion in there,
and we allow it to lead us down roads
that are not good for us.
It's a pretender.
So our broken heart tends to lead us to put on mask,
to hide behind things.
We're gonna talk about that a little more here in a minute.
It might lead us to want expensive things, status.
It might tell us, the pretender might say,
hey, I'm okay, I don't need anybody.
I've got this, when none of that is true.
It might cause us to live below our true identity.
Interestingly enough, I was talking to Jackie today
about every time I try to write my book,
I encounter this moment where I write a little bit,
and then I would reread it,
and then I would sit and hear all the negative things
the enemy was saying to me about what I wrote.
And talking to her, that's what keeps getting me stuck,
because every time I sit there and reread it
after I've only gotten maybe a page or two out,
well, the enemy just keeps taking me through this cycle.
And as we were talking, what came out of it is,
God is trying to take me to the next place.
He's trying to take me to the next level,
but the enemy has caught me
in this cycle of criticizing myself.
So some of you all, that's where it's at for you
in the dating process.
us. You start going down that road and you start kind of reading the script a
little too much and you second-guess yourself, you self-sabotage and you take
yourself out of the game. And God is going to encourage you in this
process to stay in the game and to learn how to heal and date in a healthy way.
But we've got to work on our heart first. Remember I mentioned when you
guys first joined tonight, the spirit mate, we talk about it in this community,
is the cherry on top. So I want you guys to say that to yourself. You don't have
to unmute. The spirit mate is the cherry on top. I want you to get really
comfortable with that. Why do we say that? It's not because we don't think you're
gonna find your spirit mate. We know you are. If you'll stay in the game. But we
want you to focus on the main thing first. Your relationship with the Father,
Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit being the first thing. And what does he want to
do in your life? He wants you to have the full measure of his blessing in
every area of your life, not just your romantic life. That's gonna come, but so
many of us, we need healing in other areas first before we have the capacity
to receive that blessing. Jeremiah 17 9 says the heart is deceitful above all
things and desperately wicked. Who can know it? Do y'all know that sometimes we
don't even know why we do what we do. We talked about this a little bit last
week, but God knows why we do what we do. If y'all want to go back and listen to
that, you're brand new, highly recommend you guys listen to last week's heart
check-in. It was really good and we talked about that because we won't
circle back to that for several weeks. So that might give you guys a jumpstart on
that as well. Our hearts are highly impressionable. So again, remember
everything that goes in there, it's gonna get reproduced. Proverbs 4 23 says
keep your heart with all vigilance for from it
flows the springs of life. I want you to think about what is like, what is
having an impression on your heart in this season? What are the lies in the
dialogue that you've even listened to today? And I don't know about you guys,
but when I am struggling with sickness, I struggle with my thoughts more. Anybody
else ever been there? The enemy tries to wear our physical body down sometimes so
that he can kind of come in and bombard our minds. And so we have to war against
that even more. All right, so I'm gonna talk about a couple different lies that
people tend to hear. And there's so many more ladies, but these are seven and I'm
gonna tell you why I chose these seven. And when I finish explaining them here,
I'll tell you why I chose specifically these seven lies. Number one lie that a
lot of us hear is you are insignificant. Now you might not sit and think that
over and over, I'm insignificant. You might not be thinking that, but you
might be thinking some other things that go along with it. I'm gonna read that to
you here in a sec. If we believe we are insignificant, it actually means that we
believe we're not significant, that we lack meaning, that we're not worth
considering, that we're unimportant. How does this show up right now in our lives
for a lot of us? We put other people first. We believe the lie that somebody
else's likes, needs, wants come before ours. And hey you all, let me let me just
say this. As a pastor's wife and pastor, I lead and pastor a lot of people in
addition to what I do here for Last Year Single, there's a lot of wrong teaching
in the body of Christ about what it means to be a Christian and all this
like sacrifice that we must do. Now God calls us to be humble, okay? He does call
us to consider other people. He does call us to love, you know, and even love
our enemies. But there comes a time where that becomes unbalanced and it gets out
of proportion and we lose who we are like fully sometimes. And God does not
ask us to do that, okay? So God wants to kind of recalibrate a lot of your
understandings of what does it really look like to to be a healthy Christian
and to love people, to be sacrificial, but also to have healthy boundaries and
honor who you are in the process, okay? Did anyone ever in your life tell you
that you were not important? Maybe they didn't tell you with their words, but
maybe by their actions in some way shape or form they silenced you, made you feel
like you didn't matter, that your opinion didn't matter, that your voice didn't
matter, that, you know, even your presence wasn't allowed in a certain environment
or space or situation. Now as kids there are...
times where our parents just need to have a conversation, right?
And they might ask us to leave the room and we might take that as rejection.
If they do it in a healthy way, you know, that was just us not understanding.
If they did it in an unhealthy way and they said mean things about us, y'all,
that, that was not God's intention for us.
And that is not our, his heart towards us.
And it never was.
Lie number two, you don't matter.
Partners a lot with lie number one, you're insignificant.
And some of you might still be thinking, well, I don't actually believe that and
praise God if you don't, but here's what I'm going to challenge you again.
I really want to encourage you to ask the Lord.
If you believe any of these lies subconsciously again, where the script is
running behind the scenes and it's causing you to show up in your life today, where
you're not really showing up fully as yourself, you don't really fully believe
that what you have to say matters.
Lie number three, you should be seen and not heard.
You should be seen and not heard.
Now, depending on what generation you grew up in, some of you may have heard this
growing up, you know, back in that day, you know, things were just done differently.
They were processed differently, you know, not a lot of community feeling and, and
family, cause the parents actually felt bad if they asked their kids for stuff,
you know, but then there was also this like belittling kind of verbiage that
was used so many times.
Yeah.
And I don't know if that's, is it, is it Xan?
Is that how you say your name?
You can unmute and tell me.
Yes.
All right.
So she made up a, or mentioned a really good point here.
Even at 60, she's still getting it from her elders.
Y'all, this is not healthy stuff.
And so it doesn't mean we act dishonorable, but we can lovingly start to set
boundaries on some of that unhealthy behavior.
All right.
Lie number four, you're not enough.
Lie number four tends to go with you're not enough or you're too much.
The enemy loves to teeter us kind of ping pong us back and forth between those two
lies frequently.
If you're anything like me, those were the two biggest lies I believed.
And it goes, it feeds right into struggles with perfectionism, people
pleasing over explaining myself, just feeling like a, I'm like always worried
that people are not going to be okay about something I did or said.
And if something happens or like, I feel like I have to explain why I did things.
Well, that comes from the environment I grew up in.
And it comes from me feeling like I'm not enough or I'm too much.
Lie number five, your opinion doesn't matter.
Lie number six, you're always going to have to beg.
The way this can show up is people have limiting belief systems, scarcity
mindsets, they, whether they realize it or not, they kind of envision that
they're underneath of the table when God and all the other people are sitting at
the table and they're just, all they have the capability of getting is the
crumbs, the leftovers.
There's never enough men.
There's never enough money.
Nobody ever helps me.
I'm better off just being single.
These are all scarcity, limiting belief systems, mindsets, orphan mentalities.
They're all kind of hanging out together.
Lie number seven, if they really knew me, they wouldn't accept me, love me, or
choose me.
And some of you have gotten this belief system because even as you allowed
yourself to be seen by your parents or someone else of influence that you really
looked up to, they did or said something that caused you to retreat, to hide.
To pull back who you really are.
And so every time you try to let that person out, if someone doesn't act, like
if someone acts even remotely similar to how you were treated before, that lie
comes right up that they don't, they know the real me and now they're not choosing
me or they're not accepting me.
Or you might even be afraid of telling someone something that you've been
through because you're afraid that if they knew these things, then man, there's
just no chance for this to survive.
Joy, thanks for putting those in there.
That's awesome.
So all of these lies I've mentioned tonight have a core theme to them.
Having low self-esteem, not understanding.
our value or worth and then having these pauper orphan mentalities. I don't want you guys to
shame yourself if you have any of these thoughts or resonated with anything that I said, but I want
you to understand the way that we change, the way that we heal, it's by getting a revelation and
self-awareness of really what's going on down in our soul. Remember our heart can think, or excuse
me, our head can think positive things because as Christians especially we have learned how to quote
scripture, how to think good things, but then the problem is that in our hearts there's a different
dialogue going on in here. Being transformed by the renewing of our minds so that all old
things could pass away and behold everything has become new, that is when our mind and our heart
sync up. When our hearts and our souls are down in here heals and then all of a sudden there's like
an even bigger revelation of the truth that we now truly behold in our spirit.
So I want you to think about, here's one truth, if you struggle with financials,
this is one, I'm going to give you one. I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with
that you're never going to have enough, that you're just always struggle, that you know whatever,
you know there's always a hole in my pocket, whatever your negative dialogue has been and I
encourage you to start partnering with this. I can have enough money to give away all of the time. I
am a lender not a borrower. Now y'all the physical realm might not automatically line up, I'm telling
you for years I prayed that and I didn't necessarily experience it, but you know what happened is I got
the revelation it wasn't just a financial problem, it was a heart problem. I didn't believe that God
wanted to give me these things, not truly. I always felt like I was on the outside of some kind of
imaginary gate and the gate was shut and I was just trying to reach through like begging God,
please God let me through. Can I please come in? Well here it is ladies that's an incorrect view
of the Father and how his kingdom operates. God ended up giving me a revelation after I'd gone
through the heart work and I kept praying into this stuff and one day he gave me the revelation
that the gate was open and you know what he said to me when I got the revelation? He said it's always
been open. It was my perception that it was closed, that God was closed off and far from me
and the things that that other people could attain I just couldn't,
but that wasn't truth and so I'm going to give that to you tonight that's not truth for you.
Great question Sandra, you know for me I feel like the you know doing things that we
don't really want to do you know coming under that pretender that self-sabotage
I feel like it lands under the pretender because some of us the reason we binge watch I don't know
about you all but when life gets overwhelming that's been a go-to for me. I grew up watching
my mom do that and so it's a learned behavior and it's not an easy one to break if I'm being honest
and so just really getting that discipline to set a timer and turn the tv off. Now sometimes
I'll just if I like I wasn't feeling well this last week and so on Saturday I just let myself
rest more than normal and I had the tv on while I was doing it. Now that's a little different okay
but I can look back on my life and definitely even right now think of a couple times where
things were not going well in my life and so I turn to tv to self-soothe to hide
and to just disappear really okay and so it depends on why you're doing it too.
All right okay we're gonna keep going. Proverbs 12 49 a wife of noble character is her husband's
crown. How many of you actually believe that you are a crown to your husband a blessing to his life
that a man who finds a wife has found a good thing and that you're his good thing
and because here's the thing if you don't believe you're his good thing before he finds you guess
what it's not going to automatically appear after you find him because you found the guy
we have to believe that in our heart before we find them
okay and you're not looking for a needle in a haystack ladies
I know that's how the enemy loves to play the dialogue, but that's not that's not truth.
God said through Jackie this one time and I wrote it on a post-it and I put it up in my bathroom
and I kept declaring that thing. This is what he said through Jackie.
You're not gonna have only one, you're gonna have choices or something like that. You're gonna have
plenty, you're gonna have choices, you're gonna have options. And it hit my spirit because in
the past I would like date one guy and get like laser focused on that person. And so in my new
era, praise the Lord, when I was healed God was teaching me how to date multiple people, not
getting too serious in the process before giving them more than they should have in a very quick
amount of time. And that even can be emotional capacity. Man, I learned a whole new way of
approaching things and God gave me options. And it was a great experience and I got the
empowerment of realizing, man, I get to choose here. God's, you know, letting me, he's blessing me
and he's giving me the ability to know the healthy choice too. And to also recognize the people that
are unhealthy and not just keep continuing in relationship with them anymore because I'm just
trying to be a good person and keep having faith for that person to change. No. You guys are gonna
hear, I learned that the hard way. That is not God's plan. Okay. And we'll get through that and go into
that more in the weeks ahead. Ephesians 1.5, in love he predestined us for adoption to sonship
through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will. Isaiah 43.4, since you are precious and
honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in
exchange for your life. Luke 12.7 says this, indeed the very hairs of your head are all
numbered. Don't be afraid. You are worth more than sparrows.
You're worth more than God's creation of a sparrow and what he provides for them.
So I want you just to be kind of thinking about, and again, you might not know these right away
over these next few weeks, even tonight before you go to bed, praying, Lord, I pray that you
would show me where I have orphan mentalities, limiting belief systems, show me where my heart
is broken and where it's leading me into places that don't, that aren't leading me into the
fullness of your plan for my life. Just like I prayed earlier for you and for our time tonight,
bring those things out of darkness into the light so that they can be revealed for healing.
Help me to not blow past those things. And so ladies, what I want to encourage you to do too,
we're getting ready to go into breakouts. As you're in this heart healing process, it's really
important to ask God good questions. Okay? So if you have a memory bubble up to the surface,
I'm going to encourage you don't just brush that off. Ask God, Oh, well, I haven't thought about
that in a long time. Those are the kinds of things I'm talking about. Some of you are going to have
memories of things you've long forgotten come to the surface in this process. Lord, this is coming
up for me. Can you, can you reveal to me why you want me to, why do you want me to remember this?
What areas do I need healing? Some of you might know right away, you know, why you need healing,
but asking God and letting him show you is going to be key. Now, other things you might have some
that surface that you've already worked on. And I want you to know that that's normal too. Okay?
And I don't want you to get discouraged because it doesn't mean that what you did before didn't work.
There are healing layers. Okay. There's layers of forgiveness. And I always try to encourage people,
don't panic because it doesn't mean you have to go all the way back through all of that stuff,
especially for some of you, you've done a lot of work. It was a really painful process.
God wants you to kind of think of it as popping the hood of a car and just taking another look
up under the hood. Because sometimes the engine light comes on when we're driving,
because something that we don't know needs fixed, needs fixed still. Okay. Maybe there's a hole in
the air, the, the, um, you know, the air hose or something, maybe a filter needs changed.
So I really want to encourage you. Don't, don't check out when he starts bringing things up that
you're just like, man, I don't want to look at this again. I've already done this work. I've
been there and I'm here to tell you it's worth it. If you'll just continue to follow his process
and he's going to show you things that which you did not know, and he's going to give you
blessings that which you cannot contain it and replace of those things that he's,
he's going to help you make room for the new. Okay. And this is a great opportunity for you.
All right, so we're gonna go into our breakout rooms.
I typically do about seven minutes
for all of our new ladies.
I give you a question, put you in there.
You're gonna meet some new people,
say hi to each other, answer the question.
No coaching, no giving advice in the groups.
You're just there to answer the question with each other.
If you have extra time, you can say,
hey, where are you from?
What led you here?
Get to know each other a little bit.
It's a great process, okay?
But just reminder, again, no coaching.
Nobody has to fix anybody.
If people cry, this is what I want you to respond.
Thank you so much for trusting me
and sharing that with me tonight, okay?
That gives them space to cry
and not feel like they have to hold that back or change.
And you don't have to shift into coaching,
you know, giving advice or any of those things.
That's what we're here for, okay?
Everybody good?
Cool, all right, let me set up these breakout rooms
and it's gonna be really awesome.
That's totally fine if people,
like Pamela mentioned, she's driving
and Ailyn can't go into breakouts.
I know she's got a little one,
so that makes it tough for her to go into breakouts.
So if you can't, just stay where you are here.
And for those of you, if you're in a breakout
and the other person isn't there or they're not talking,
I'll move you guys around
because I can kind of see that on the back end here.
All right.
Bethany, what's the question?
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna give that to you here in a sec.
Give me one second.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, we'll do seven minutes.
So we're gonna do short, brief and powerful, ladies.
Okay, so that means be aware of the other people in the room
and giving them enough time to share as well.
Here's the question.
What broken heart aspect do you relate with the most tonight?
So do you relate with the liar?
Do you relate with the puzzle?
Do you relate with the pretender?
Maybe it's all of them, but whatever your answer is,
you get to answer that tonight.
So what broken heart aspect
do you relate with the most tonight?
All right, here you go.
Go ahead and click.
That should be up on your screen.
Gonna click to join that as quick as possible.
All right, and as soon as I get everybody situated,
pray, we have some people in rooms by themselves here.
All right, Father, thank you so much for this night.
God, we thank you for revealings,
for healing that are happening.
God, I'm asking you to continue to bring to the surface
what you know needs to be known.
Lord, thank you so much that you never give up on us,
that you're leading us into wide open spaces.
God, I thank you that you're helping us
to come further into the identity
that you originally created us to live in.
I pray that you would renew their hearts,
give them courage tonight to share.
God, I thank you that you would help them
to see themselves more through your eyes every single day.
Sorry, ladies, I'm struggling just a tiny bit.
Let me just catch my breath for a minute.
And Lord, I just thank you that you would help us
to know that Luke 6 45 is so true
and that you would help us to become more like this
every day, and this is what it says.
And this is Jesus's words, ladies.
It says, a good person produces good things
from the treasuries of a good heart.
And an evil person produces evil things
from the treasury of an evil heart.
What you say flows from what is in your heart.
And so sometimes we might not even speak things out,
but we think things, and that is very similar
to things that we're saying,
even if it doesn't come out of our mouth.
So remember, out of the heart,
out of the overflow of the heart,
the mouth is gonna speak.
So that's gonna be a signal to us to tell us,
hey, you probably need some healing there
if there's something negative coming out of our mouths
or we have bad attitudes
or we get angry really fast about something.
Hi, Monica, welcome.
The ladies are in breakout rooms.
I don't know, did you get bumped out
or it's okay if you're just joining us?
Thank you so much.
I was in room number nine,
but I don't know what happened.
You were in room what?
Which room?
Room nine.
Oh, okay, let me put you back in there.
Thank you so much.
Oh.
Monica, I might actually put you in room eight
cause someone's sitting there by themselves.
Okay, okay, thank you.
Thank you.
All right, cool.
I don't know if she got bumped out of the wrong room.
So Lord, I thank you that you would help us to remember
that you are signaling to us through those things
that we would pay attention.
And Lord, I just hear the scripture
even just coming up in my spirit
about being still and knowing.
Knowing that you're God.
And so if there's anyone here live tonight, or they're going to watch the replay, that's just struggling, Lord, with chaos or fear.
God, I thank you that you would just wash over them with waves of your healing grace.
Lord, that you would renew them with a steadfast spirit, God, that you would give them the perseverance that they need to stay on track, to resist distraction.
Lord, that you would help them to embrace the transformation that you're doing in them and through them.
God, I thank you for the heart healing, God, that you're doing.
And the ripple effects, just like an ocean or a body of water, when we throw a stone in it, the ripples go, go, go, go for a long time.
And so, Lord, I thank you that healing and reconciliation and families would come from this work and all of their hearts and lives.
We thank you that you would literally transform the way they see themselves when they look in the mirror.
God, that you would show them the glory inside of them, what you're doing, that it would start to exude on the outside.
And I just thank you that, yeah, Lord, that people would be drawn to your spirit in and through them.
God, I thank you that you're leading them to their spirit mate and their spirit mate to them.
God, I thank you for this divine healing and restoration time.
Yes, Lord, I thank you that you would remind them that you've always seen them, that you've always loved them, that you've always been working on their behalf.
Just like the words that you released last night, so many words of things happening in the spirit realm, God, and that you're not withholding from us,
but that you're holding on to those to reveal them and pour them out on us in due season, at the appropriate appointed time,
when we can stand up under the weight of the blessing that you are giving unto us.
And so, Lord, I thank you for that truth.
Psalm 119.165 in the Passion Translation says this,
There is such a great peace and well-being that comes to the lovers of your word, and they will never be offended.
Lord, I pray that you would help us to, if we get offended about things, to pause and just ask you more about it.
Lord, what's causing the offense in us?
I know that offense is an opportunity for an upgrade.
So, Lord, I thank you for just continuing to love us, guiding us, that you're the good shepherd.
I thank you that you never leave us, that you never forsake us, and that you're with us every step of the way.
Exodus 26 says this,
God, I thank you that where we have believed the lie that you're just out to get us, God, or that you just don't have anything good coming our way,
maybe even we believe that lie because our parents said nothing good ever comes to us, or no men, no good men ever are going to love you.
Maybe some of us have even heard our parents say those things to us.
I just come against those lies in Jesus' name, and I just bind and break them under the blood of Jesus Christ.
Jesus, I thank you that you are the one that sets us free, and it's your truth that brings freedom.
So, we just ask you to come into the area of those lies and bring illumination and bring truth.
And we just thank you, God, that you're lavishing love on us and those behind us for a thousand generations.
And I thank you that you enable us as your daughters, just like 2 Corinthians 10, 5 says, to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Jesus Christ.
So, God, give us the wisdom, give us the foresight to even recognize the attacks of the enemy even before they come.
God, I thank you.
Even this week, I had a dream weeks ago, and something even happened today that I knew as soon as it was unfolding, God, that the dream you gave me weeks ago wasn't just a warning, but it was a preparation, God, because you love me so much that you didn't want me to be afraid today when that unfolded.
And so, God, I believe that for all of these ladies.
I pray that you would help them just to see all the ways that you've been working on their behalf for years, God.
And even when they didn't understand, God, whether it was dreams, whether it was visions, whether it was a word that they heard in church or your scripture, God, that you would start to just bring all that stuff together to make more and more and more sense to them.
I thank you, God, that you refine us, you restore us, you rebuild us, that you're the master craftsman.
And I thank you, God, that you are the potter and we're the clay.
So help us, Lord, to put ourselves back on the wheel and to trust you in the process.
Welcome back.
Hello.
Awesome.
I see a lot of smiling faces, so that's always good.
Welcome back.
All right.
So I'm going to give you all, we call them activations.
So every week, in addition to what you're working on already, these are a little extra, but I promise you, if you will work on them, they're going to help kind of accelerate what you're learning.
And even if you're on week one and I'm giving you an activation that might go with something later on, you're at the.
right place at the right time for what we're giving you.
So just trust that process too.
All right, so tonight's activations,
well, this week's activations, I have two.
I'm not gonna go into the full explanation
because I post these in the group.
So if you all go into the Last Year Single app,
I'll post them tonight.
If you click on Announcements,
you're gonna see a post there
that says Activations for this week.
And the text there will explain this more in detail
just because I don't wanna take time of coaching
to explain this because they're a little bit longer.
But the two that we're gonna do,
number one is shift to the positive.
So the short version is you're gonna ask God
to show you gold in yourself
as well as other people around you, okay?
Then you're gonna come into the group
and you're gonna create a post and tell us about it.
Now, again, there's a little more explanation,
but that's the short version for tonight.
Number two activation is you're gonna activate Play.
Let the fun side of you come out to play.
We've been working on this the last few weeks,
but I felt led to do it again
because I think some of you need to keep practicing this.
Reconnect with the fun side of you
that got shoved down over years of fear,
failure, loss of hope, rules.
Some of you have been under rules, rules, rules
from your parents, from church, all the things.
Now, I'm not saying go sin.
That is not what I'm saying, okay?
I wanna make sure that's real clear
because when I talk about the church,
I didn't want that to sound like I'm saying go be bad.
I'm saying go have fun, okay?
And so fun might look different for all of you,
but I'm gonna give you a couple ideas.
Maybe you have a PJ party with some girlfriends, yep.
And for some of you, you're like,
man, I don't get along with girls.
Well, maybe you can find one friend to go to lunch with.
That's a woman and you can practice allowing that to heal.
If we've been hurt by women,
God wants to heal us through women.
I know, we don't always wanna hear that.
Some of us, it's easier for us to be like,
it's just easier to be friends with guys.
Y'all, I can promise you,
I've had some drama with some women, okay?
It's not easy, but I've found some really amazing women
to do life with as well,
and I believe you can find them too.
All right, so those were,
maybe for some of you, it's swinging on a swing.
Maybe it's sliding down a slide.
Maybe for some of you, it's jumping in a pool.
I don't know what that is for you,
but it's about awakening the little girl
on the inside of you, all right?
Again, there's some more ideas.
It'll be there in the app for you.
And I really want you to think about exploration
as a part of this process as well, okay?
And again, I'll explain that in that post,
but I just wanted to plant that seed for a little bit
as well to kind of simmer before we end tonight.
Now what we do is our group coaching time.
And so I will ask, is there anyone that wants to share
with the whole group what you shared
in your private breakout?
So you can share what aspect of the broken heart
you related with the most.
And then basically from there, as you all share,
we just kind of go with the Holy Spirit
and what is coming up.
And you guys will kind of see from Tara and Lisa,
they've done this before.
And so normally it takes us a few to get going,
but know that we love you
and we're gonna support you in this process.
And as a coach, sometimes I have to push back lovingly too.
Okay?
And so I promise I'm gonna be as gentle as I can be,
and this is a safe place for you.
All right, Tara, I would love to hear what you have to say.
Awesome.
Well, ladies, I had a win this week.
About, I guess it was about 10 days ago.
Like I've been trying different things,
trying to connect differently in the dating world.
I have not been on a date probably in,
I think I used to have the time memorized,
but the years just keep going by,
but it's been like 15 years.
Awkward blind dates.
I think if you remember,
Bethany engaged to a guy I knew for 13 years.
So I did have a blip there
that was more than just a boyfriend, so to speak,
but haven't dated a lot,
have very little experience dating.
And so I met this guy online,
and I don't know if it's different when you're,
like I'm almost 50.
He was, he is still, I'm sure, 43.
But when you've lived multiple decades,
I feel like when you come to the table,
or at least my first experience here,
because this is my first thing
that advanced beyond chatting,
it went into a phone call, multiple phone calls.
But I felt like the,
he shared some pretty deep things
about his past and his history.
pretty quickly. And I almost assumed or picked up on, it was kind of like, let me dump this
in front of you. And if it's too much, you can walk away now kind of thing, which I've
seen that happen before. And I'm the type of person based on my, my career paths, and
also just how I'm wired, I have high capacity for coaching, counseling, inner healing, emotional
intelligence, all that, all the things. And so it's very hard for me sometimes to know
how to not that I've had a lot of experience, like I said, but I know I need to like somehow
step away from this guy. Like there's not a match emotional health wise, like, yeah,
you know, really pretty severe stuff that he's gone through lots of great qualities,
but like probably 10 years behind where I've, you know, the work that I've done in my own
life. So not that it will take him that long. So that being said, I felt like I could connect
with what you were sharing about the, I don't know if it's the pretender. It's like, I want
to be a nice person. I mean, like you, I've been pastor on staff at a church. I don't
want to drop this guy. Like he just literally like shared all that. But is that a way that
can kind of keep you hooked? It's only been 10 days. Like I, and I've only talked to him three
times, but he's now he's even texting me during this call, asking why I'm avoiding him. And I
just texted him two hours ago in response to something he sent me. So I'm not avoiding him.
But, um, I got to get out of this, but I don't want to be mean, you know,
because I know this person is so hurting, you know?
Okay. So I have one initial question because I can't remember when, you know,
people move into next phase. Have you completed the heartwork?
Almost? Yes. I'm at the end of phase one. Yep.
Okay. So for all my new ladies, I just want to make sure it's not confusing. Okay. When
you're in the heartwork, we actually ask you guys not to date at all, not to talk to guys until
you're all the way finished. So you're not in trouble, Tara. Okay. But I just want to remind
you all it's really important. Here's why, because you're going to get all kinds of stuff kicked up
in your spirit, in your soul, and it can cause you to attract really unhealthy people very quickly.
And to actually get distracted and off track. Okay. It can actually keep you from like missing
things that God is trying to show you as well. So this happens to a lot of people. So what Tara's
going through is actually pretty common where, you know, you're like, Oh my gosh, I haven't dated
forever. Now this person, like I have this activity, you know, and you're learning something
really important through it. So it's still going to be valuable, but you said some very important
things that I feel like are really important for everybody to learn from. So number one, a guy that
you just text two hours ago, texting you already saying, why are you avoiding me? Super, super
flag for me. Okay. Very unhealthy. That shouldn't be happening. So you don't want to be mean,
but do you want to be healthy? You know, like we have to make a choice ladies when it comes down
to it. For those of you tuck this away in your, your little brains and hearts for later for all
my newbies and all my ladies still doing heartwork that you guys can use this. And there's a lot more
dating coaching and all of that in the next phases. But, um, if we partner with helper
and we partner with, I don't want to be mean. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
You all, you're going to end up in some really bad situations because there's a lot of people
really unhealthy out there that we know very early on, Hey, this, this person's exhibiting
these things, but if we don't ever want to set a boundary, then again, we're going to be giving to
someone else, something that we need to reserve for ourself or to keep moving forward, just find
our spirit mate. And so one of the things I would say, this is going to be very easy for you, Tara.
And it doesn't matter if he doesn't respond well or not, because that's not on you. Okay. You do
like the way we talk about it in this community. Um, if you guys are in this kind of situation,
it is to bless and, um, move on. And if they re react instead of respond,
then you bless and block and you move on. Okay. So.
The reality is that you have a high capacity for coaching, counseling, and helping.
You said that plainly.
You know that about yourself.
And that's not a bad thing.
That's a gift.
But our gifts can get overextended.
And what can happen is we can attract takers.
You said this guy shared very deep things very fast about his past.
And we understand why.
Why do we understand that?
Because we're compassionate people.
People that are empathetic and compassionate and feelers.
And we sympathize.
Yeah, of course we can recognize.
He might be trying to make sure I'm not going to run.
But he also probably hasn't had the coaching just like you guys will receive later in the
group.
Some of you have gotten some of that, a taste of that in Modern Dating Sucks Book Club.
But you're going to get a whole additional layer of all of that.
Where we teach people how to pace, how to be healthy, how to track and ask other people
to be healthy with us.
And if they can't, well, that's something you need to pay attention to.
But in this guy's case, I'm already sensing and like, yeah, lots of unhealthy.
So here's what I'm going to give you.
I'm going to give you a verbiage.
It's been really nice getting to know you, but I actually am in this heart healing process
right now.
And God is telling me, I just need to focus on that right now.
So I really bless you.
And I wish you the best, period.
Ladies, we don't owe people more of an explanation than that, especially this early on.
Okay.
Now, for all of you that are on here with us, please, please, I implore you.
Now we can't make you, I can't make you do anything, okay?
I'm imploring you to not date right now, to not be on the apps, to not miss and get distracted.
Because again, you could get down the road with people and not even realize it.
And it could take away from your experience here.
So Tara, I'm so glad you shared tonight.
And you asked that question, not just for the reason of this kind of getting talked
about with everyone, but also so that you can learn, you know, some of these tactics
of the enemy, you know, he's going to probably, you know, even in the past, what you've been
through, he sent you some takers, right?
And he's trying to send you the same thing.
So praise the Lord, you're catching on, you're recognizing it, but go ahead and finish out
your heart work course, finish it all the way before you try to step into that.
And the ladies in the next phase, they're going to, they're going to teach you how to
step into it and really navigate it with a lot of like tools to help you.
Okay.
I really appreciate your advice.
And lady, just so y'all know, I didn't intentionally rebel.
I totally like, I'm so at the end of this phase that I wasn't even, I wouldn't even
thinking about.
You're not the rebelling type, Tara.
Right.
15 years, I haven't dated people.
It's hard to get me to do anything on these apps.
But I hear you and it's just, I love not having to be nice and I can just, yep.
Yeah.
And you're still being nice.
I think that's important for you to hear.
You're just being nice and you're being nice to him in the way you're communicating it.
But number two, you're also being kind to yourself.
That's right.
Amen.
Yes.
Great share.
Thank you so much.
Lisa, go ahead.
Hi.
Yeah.
I realized when I went into the break room that I was, I was confused about the liar,
the puzzle and the pretender.
And I think you named off one more, but I did take a picture of the, of Joy, how she
wrote down the seven lies.
And so I think I found what I was trying to talk about in there by looking at that.
And I wanted to kind of clarify it with you.
So one of the things that came up for me when you were talking is you were talking about
how some people put other people first all the time.
And I, that really like, I was like, oh yeah, that is me, you know?
And so I think that falls under orphan mentality.
Is that right?
It does.
Okay.
So I'm going to actually, I'm going to look for something real quick.
I want to grab something that I did the other night that I think will be really helpful
for you.
All right.
So this partners with the fixed book.
Oh, okay.
That's the counterfeit identity that partners with what you're talking about.
And the wound underneath of that typically is I'm only valuable when I'm needed.
Oh, wow.
And we tend to attract people that need rescuing, including friends, you all, and other people.
And you know, being in ministry, you all, you know, I've always been available to help
people on many levels, but years ago, I have a real call in my life to
develop leaders, and to raise people up, to see golden people and call that out.
One of the things God had to teach me was to match the effort of someone else.
If someone is saying they want to change, but they're not doing anything to change,
I can love them. I can pray for them. But God has not called me to spend a lot
of time with them. My time is valuable. And see, there's a lot of Christians
that might feel like, ooh, that's not very kind. You should love everybody.
You should spend time with everybody. No, I don't think that's wise.
Did Jesus spend time with everybody? No. He spent time with 12.
And I can learn from him. So I would say to you, you know,
as you're, like, kind of working through this, like, throughout your life,
how many times have you believed the lie that you're only valuable when you can do
something for someone? Or, you know, you're putting yourself last because
someone else needs something. And that can even be financial, ladies.
Yeah. So much is coming up for me right now.
Go ahead. Yeah. So it's interesting.
I don't think I've been consciously aware of that. But one thing that is so fascinating as
you're talking, I just feel like God is really helping me right now because, okay, so I do coach
people. I haven't completely, I've soft launched my coaching business. And there's two people in
my life that I've known for over 30 years, who are pretty much staying in a cycle and not ever
breaking out. And one of them I have coached. She's paid me to coach her. She was actually one
of my, for part of our certification, we had to coach six people. And one of the people I'm
talking about was somebody I coached. And then she came back to me later and said, Lisa, that
helped me so much. Can I hire you for like 10 sessions? And so I coached her. Yeah. And then
she added on more. And then that kind of ended in like January. But what happened was the last time
I saw her is I said, I said, you know, I have to like, you know, I said, how are you doing with
the homework? And because I always give follow up homework after the session. And she's like,
oh, what, like, she didn't remember what the homework was. And I'd kind of seen that she'd
been petering off the last few sessions and not really applying herself. And I think that she,
anyway, it doesn't really matter. But I told her because I was starting to feel like I'm putting
a lot into this. And it's really like, I literally told her, I didn't say the part that I'm putting
a lot into this, but I said, you know, I just want to tell you, like, if you don't do your
homework and you don't apply yourself, I said, we're just going to keep going in circles. And
this is not going to, we're just wasting our time. Yeah. All right. So that was a really
bad dream. Yeah. But here's the other thing. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.
Well, so what happened? So it was really interesting. She didn't say anything to me.
I actually, I think I really kind of surprised her because I don't think she's used to me
talking like that. And, um, I didn't feel bad. I really didn't. I felt like I've just like, I'm,
you know, I'm, I'm kind of done over here, you know, like you can't keep going this way.
And so it kind of, you know, that's what I said, what I just said, but what's really
interesting. So she has not reached out since, except for one time. And she was in Spain and
asked me if I had time to talk, but I told her I was just getting ready to jump on my Bible study.
And she's like, oh, okay. And that was like three months ago. And I still haven't heard from her.
And this is really unlike her, but I've been kind of like, Hmm, do I reach out to her? Like
I'm literally dog sitting right now, probably 20 minutes from her house. Normally I'd live like an
hour and a half away from her. And so it's much easier, of course, if she's only 20 minutes away,
but I am like, you know, I just don't really have it in me. I just, I don't, and I don't feel bad
about it, but I do feel like I'm changing. And I have the same thing with another friend who
she just, I don't know, there's just a whole nother issue with her. I've never coached her,
but it's kind of like the same thing all the time. And it's like somebody who complains about
something that doesn't want to do the work to change. And I am finding myself frustrated,
but it's not my life. We're all like, we're on a journey. Sometimes we just want to talk and we
don't want to do anything about our thing ourselves. Right. But if you're going to grow,
you, you have to apply yourself at some point. Right. Right. So I'm just coming to this place
where like, I think I'm starting to feel like, okay, I've got boundaries now and it can feel a
little weird. Like, you know, but when you said just now about season, I don't know, you didn't
say seasons, but sometimes God's just not calling you to be around those people as much. And that's
what I'm feeling. I'm feeling like a big shift in me. Yeah. Jackie says a lot. People come into
our life for seasons, reasons, and treasons. And y'all, it is so true.
Okay, not not we're not meant to be friends with everybody forever
Maybe a couple people like I'm still, you know, really close with my best friend
I've known her my whole life literally, but we are even different now in our there's a different dynamic in our friendship now
And that's okay something. I really want to point out as well. Is that
It sounds like you set a healthy boundary and maybe she wasn't able to
Respond well to it and that's not on you
It sounds like God is leading you to different place and it you know her calling from Spain and you weren't a bit unavailable
That's not a bad thing, you know, and that's not on you if that created something going on in her
So you keep moving forward and if God leads her to come back and say something and circle back cool
But if not, like it sounds like you're just getting clarity on you know
As a even in these sessions, you know, I don't own your all's heart work. I
Pray for you. I coach you I encourage you all but it's up to you all to walk that out
It's not on me. And so if I ever start taking that on myself the man, that's that's a whole different thing, right?
But at the end of the day I can still coach but in one-on-one coaching. It's a whole different dynamic than group coaching, too
Because I am giving homework even different than I'm giving you all and I am gonna say hey, what did you do with that?
I'm gonna do the same things you did and if I see that they're starting to get into an unhealthy pattern
I also would mention that so it sounds like you've done a really great job
But it sounds like God is also trying to give you some clarity on you know
this where the value where are you getting the value for yourself from and
Not feeling like you have to fix that situation or that dynamic and it's really good that you don't feel guilt
I think that's awesome. So I appreciate you sharing that
Yeah, I did have one last thing Bethany when I was in the breakout room
The thing that I noticed in general
Is that I'm always typically first like if somebody you know reaches out to do something
I'll look at my schedule and if it's available, I'm always saying sure
Yes, yes, yes, I'm available and putting people first and I recognized one time recently I was with a friend and
She was kind of putting herself first and I initially I hadn't seen her for a long time
And I I remember thinking wow, that seems so selfish of her
it's a bit herself first and so I think it's just because I I
Just have whatever thought I had about that. Obviously, you know what I mean?
But I am realizing now that when I get asked to do something if my immediate response is like, oh my gosh
No, I do not have the bandwidth for this or like if I have that kind of reaction
I'm listening to myself now and saying okay, you know what you're not you don't have it in you don't do it. Yeah
Yeah, well, I would encourage you to explore that example though
Because I think God wants to show you really underneath the surface what's leading you to believe that what she did was selfish
I think there's that's there's a reason that's coming up tonight, you know, so look at that with the Lord
I think it's really good that you're seeing that it's okay to put yourself first and it was okay for her to put herself
first too
But when we you know
Again, there must be something in you that kind of got ruffled for you to think. Well, that's really selfish. I
Think too. It's because my mom always put everybody first
She still does to this day that came up in the one-on-one or the breakout. Yeah
yeah, and so maybe I just all check with God about it, but I'm
I'm kind of curious if maybe that's where it's coming from because I never saw it modeled. Okay, that's a really great start Lisa
Let us know how it goes. Okay? Okay. Thank you
So go ahead
Hi, I just want to say um
My name is soul I'm out of Arkansas and I just wanted to push past my
fears of being seen being heard being insignificant
Being too much or not enough. And so I just wanted to participate
I see other people participating and I want to get a little more to this. I'm tired of
doing the same thing getting the same results about being heartbroken and all different kinds of ways and
I want to heal from grief and things like that and as soon as I am about to do something all of those flies come
and
Swarm around me and tell me things and all that basically just be quiet and don't
say nothing and
Yeah, basically that but I've been really practicing
Against passivity and people-pleasing and things like that not like
Not like being mean but being kind with boundaries is something that I've been trying to do
That's so good, soul. You did it. Way to go. This is awesome. Yes. Look at the ladies cheering
you on. It's a big deal. And I'm so excited that you introduced yourself, that you got
out of your comfort zone and that you're warring against fear ultimately. And, uh, you know,
when we hear lies like be quiet, you know, just shut up and sit down, like all those
kinds of things. Even if we don't hear those audibly, sometimes we hear that internally.
That is when we want to press, we want to press into that and go in the opposite. So
we want to share. And you just did that really, really well tonight. You look amazing and
God loves you. And I'm so glad that you're on this journey with us. Um, I do want to
encourage you. Um, I want to ask a question just cause when you said you're, you know,
getting over grief, I just felt led to ask you if you're comfortable, anything that when
I ask you all, if you're not comfortable, guess what? You get the permission to say,
Hey, I'm not ready to share about that. And that's totally fine. Okay. So just so those
of you that are new, that's how I coach. Cause I, I'm not going to be one unless I really
feel like I need to go after something. Cause the Lord's really saying like, Hey, this is
really got her stuck. But my question for you is this, what is, what are you grieving
over? Um, like hopes and dreams that went with relationships and also, um, people who
passed away. That meant a lot to me. Okay. Do you want to share with us a recent one?
Um, well right now my elder, she's, um, sick with cancer and going through chemo and she
hasn't texted me today. So it scares me. Um, and it goes back to, well, her husband who
was a elder grandpa of mine, he passed away from cancer. And then my dad and just quite
a few people, um, in my life have, um, passed away, but I feel very grateful. Um, and was
able to be there for the people who passed away till sometimes their last breath. And,
um, I did everything I could. And so that's something that God gave me, um, relief and
peace about. It's just starting my life again. Like when my dad died, he, um, everything,
it was just, I didn't know how to live without him. I don't, I still don't know how to cook
without him. Um, I used to cook all the time. And so now I'm starting to try to get back
into cooking and like, everything's so scary to me. Like it's so overwhelming. It's like,
I never even cut a carrot before. So it's like that. You may want to invite a friend
to come and join you in that journey. Okay. That's okay. Because it sounds like, you know,
that was something that brought the two of you connection joy. And so part of the healing
process might be on occasion doesn't mean all the time because you want to practice doing it
on your own too, but there might be some solace, if you will, in inviting someone to come over and
you guys make a meal together and just have a new experience when you're not by yourself,
that might help you kind of learn a new rhythm. Uh, what's that? That could be my activate play.
It could. Yes. You could go take a cooking class, you know, or go out and maybe two,
it could be changing the environment sometimes when you're trying to cook,
because if you did it in, you know, I don't know if you guys cooked in your home a lot or not,
but like when your dad was alive, but that can be a trip up for people because you're trying to
press past the memories in this space. So going outside of the space can create that change in
that shift too, and help us kind of get over some of that. It doesn't mean you're going to forget
either, you know, and, and there might be really beautiful ways that you can still kind of include
your dad in that, even though he's not here, maybe it's putting on a song that makes you think
of him. So you feel close to him still in that, if that's too sad for you, maybe don't do that
right now, but maybe in the future when you feel like, okay, I can play this song that makes me
think about him and not get too stuck in grief, but just kind of giving you some ideas for different
say like different parts of your journey. And then the other thing that I was going to say is
on the, you know, that you've lost a lot of people. I love how you're, you know, you have a
very positive perspective soul. And that's, that says a lot about you, you know, that you were able
to be there for them and all that. But I believe that God wants to change that storyline for you.
And I know that can be hard, especially when someone you love is sick right now,
but I don't, I want to encourage you to be aware and ask the Lord, if you have believed any lies,
I'm always going to lose everybody.
or being afraid to love because love means I lose people.
And just really asking the Lord around those kind of topics
because we wanna help you heal in those areas
and come out of agreement with those lies.
Cause even all of us, like I've experienced loss in my life
but I have to know that good things come with love too.
You know, and sometimes when we experience a lot of loss
we can actually close off from whether we realize it or not
being able to receive the good.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
Thanks so much for being here with us and for sharing.
I look forward to getting to know you more
in the weeks ahead.
Yeah, me too.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Azan, do you wanna go?
I actually was gonna ask a question.
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, one was that I have the heart work on my Kindle
from years ago.
And I just wanted to know if the one that is downloaded
is that a revision or is it the same?
Well, I don't know how many years ago you did
but the one that's in the welcome section
of the last year single app, the ebook
that's the one you're gonna wanna make sure you're reading.
Cause on that, or even for example
on the instruction sheets, it's gonna say
to read whatever the pages are.
And the pages that you're gonna wanna read
are in the ebook, but you can look at the ebook
to see what chapter they're in.
You know what I'm saying?
If you have a physical,
cause the Kindle might be matching up more
with the physical copy, I'm not really sure.
And so just make sure that you're kind of paying attention
to that, the instructions in the ebook
to make sure you're reading the right pages
to go with each week's coursework.
That makes sense?
And my other question was,
what was the one, the young lady you said?
Cause that resonated with me.
I was trying to put a word to what.
It's okay.
But I read, what was it?
Is it the track?
Oh, so the counterfeit identity
of the fixer tends to.
The fixer, that's it.
Yeah, the wound underneath the surface tends to be
I'm only valuable when I'm needed.
And there can be more, but that's one.
And we tend to attract people that need rescuing.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
And I realized that comes from the fact
of how I've been raised.
I've always felt only loved
cause I'm even going through this now
cause I care for my 93 year old dad
and my sister who's 10 years older than me.
She gets to live her life, you know?
And not saying I don't want to do it,
but I'm like mostly the sole, yeah, the sole caregiver.
So, and I've always felt like I always had,
she's always lived her life.
She does whatever she wants
and everybody just loves her and forgives her.
But I never get that unless I work for it.
So that's what made,
I just wanted to put a word into that.
So that's what it's called, the fixer.
Okay, that's what I wanted to.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
And one of the things in that position,
I just want to mention this for you or anyone else
that whether it's being a caregiver or other scenarios
where it kind of is like your sibling
or even some of you one day, your spouse,
they get to have more freedom than you.
Some moms and parents can feel like this sometimes,
you know, maybe in a prior relationship
or even just, you know,
other people get to have more fun than me.
Single moms tend to believe that, you know,
they just don't,
they don't get to do what other people do.
And to some degree that is true.
But sometimes what can happen is we partner with lies
and then, you know,
the Bible talks about being careful of the bitter root.
And so Zan, I'm not saying you're bitter towards your sister
but I do want to-
No, I am bitter.
I was getting ready to get to that.
I'm angry.
I'm very, I'm angry about a lot of stuff.
You know, I know, and that's why I'm in this program
because I know it's work that I need to do
but I couldn't put a word to it
and you kind of touched on it tonight.
And it's funny, I haven't even started mine.
I just joined last night.
I'm still in the instruction tab.
All right, well, you are right on time.
God's priming the pump for you, girl.
And, you know, one of the things that I really want to say
just to help you too,
and you'll read this in the book
and you'll hear about this in the course, excuse me.
Anger is hurt's bodyguard.
Okay, so I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself.
It sounds like you've been through a lot
and God is going to help you get to
what's underneath of that anger.
And where we can look at, okay,
what even if what they're doing isn't healthy,
let's get to the root of
where did our heart lead us into bitterness?
You know, what were the lies we believed
that caused us to partner with that stuff?
And sometimes that can be.
be really, really tough because sometimes we're continuing to live that stuff out, right?
It's not over, it's happening still.
But you know, I want to encourage you regarding your sister specifically, when is the first
time that you partnered with a lie that she gets to go live her life and I've got to work
for everything?
Because way even before your dad and the caregiving, it's-
All her life.
Yes.
My princess, she's the first grand, she's the first child.
She was the first child for 10 years, we're 10 years apart.
She was the first grandchild, she was the first aunt, I mean, niece, so she's spoiled.
And I mean, entitled her entire life and it's trickled on and she's like almost 70 years
old.
So now I was always the responsible one.
So I was elected, I mean, not even elected, I was groomed to do this.
You understand?
And I don't mind-
I do understand.
You know, I'm just very, very angry and I tend, it's even to the point like you was
telling the other lady about dating, I'm wondering if I'm ever going to want to date again.
I've made up my mind that I don't want to date because it's always the woman is the
helper and I'm like, Lord, I don't want to help another man.
Nobody never helps me.
I'm always the one got to take care of everybody, got to give for everybody.
So I'm like, I don't even want to date.
I don't even know if I would be a good dater.
You might need more, yeah, you might need more healing and that's okay.
I do.
Yeah.
And here's the thing, I've had people, I just want to encourage you, I've had people exactly
where you are right now and they are in healthy relationships.
So it's never too late.
We're never too far gone.
Okay.
We can heal all of us.
We can learn how to forgive people.
We can learn how to view men from a healthier perspective.
We can learn how to not partner with the lie that we always have to help everybody and
we never get to have fun.
So this practice, playing and having fun is going to be really important for you, Zan.
It is.
And you're, you know, you might even hear the lie, I don't have time for that.
You know, come up really quick because the enemy doesn't want you to partner with fun.
He wants you to partner with the lie that you've got this yoke on you and you're never
going to get free from it because everybody else gets to party and have fun, but not me.
You know, and so-
Even my job is like stressful, like I can't even get out of that.
I'm like, can I get a transfer?
You know, it's just stress everywhere.
And when you mentioned fun, the first thing I thought about, and I think I am going to
go is Spider-Man.
I think I'm going to go see Spider-Man.
I love it.
Yeah.
And okay.
So ladies, here's a key to don't just go have fun, document it, take a picture, put it in
the group.
We want to see you having fun because your fun is going to inspire someone else to go
do something fun.
It's really fun is contagious and it's really awesome.
And so ladies, when we do this and like for Zan, the one last thing, and I know you mentioned
all her life, but this is where it's really important in the heartwork process.
We want to ask the Lord, when is the first time that I believe the lie that my sister's
the princess?
She's spoiled.
She gets everything she wants.
She gets, and you don't have to answer right now because I do want you to take some time
to pray about it.
Okay.
Because the reason that you got like, we want the Lord, not just what you're, what you know
in your mind and you know a lot, but we want the Lord to reveal the first time.
And sometimes we're not sure if it's the first time, but we really want to pray into it because
we got to get to the root of the matter.
Okay.
True.
The first time that that happened, where you started partnering with it, any of us, myself
included.
You know, I have a lot of things that I went through too, that where the enemy wanted me
to partner with being bitter and angry and frustrated with people and even current things
that happen.
I mean, offense happens, ladies, brokenness happens, but we as daughters of the King,
as princesses ourselves, if we will learn how to give that to the Lord, allow him to
heal us, he can transform us and set us free.
And so Zan, we're praying for you.
And I wanted to tell you too, so long time ago, before I got married the first time,
my maiden name was Bullock.
And so it was really fun to see your name as Bullock on here too.
That's my maiden name too.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
You may see sometimes I use, cause I still use, I'm divorced, but I still use Everett
every now and then, or Bullock Everett, but yeah, my maiden name is Bullock, yeah.
Awesome.
Well, we have something in common.
That was really fun to see tonight.
Well, ladies, this has been amazing.
I'm praying for you.
I will see you all in the group.
Remember to check out that announcement.
tab, that's going to have, I'm going to post it when I jump off here, that'll have your activation
explanations for this week. And then we'll be live again next Monday. Remember to join
prayer as often as you can, and we'll see you really soon. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.