WEBVTT

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Hi, good evening everyone. Welcome. Hello, hello. I think I see some new faces in here

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tonight. If you're brand new, whether you're on screen or your Zoom profile is here, I

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see some new faces. Maybe I just didn't see you last week, but if you're brand new and

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you're joining us for the first time, maybe your first live session here on 8 p.m., I

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would love for you to put that in the chat so that I can welcome you, we can welcome

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you as a group. And also for those rejoining us, welcome back. It's so good to see you

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all. I saw a couple of you all on our prophetic night last night. I hope that was a blessing

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to you as well. Annie, welcome for your first time. So glad to have you here. Let's see

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here. I don't know why it's showing in a separate. Oh, they're showing me a separate

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chat for some reason. That was interesting. Okay. Linda, welcome. It's your first time

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as well. I did see you last night. I remembered on the prophetic call. I'm glad you jumped

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in and joined us for that. We have a lot of first time newbies. This is awesome. All right.

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Danielle, Michelle, Maria. Is it Ricky? Is that how you say it? Awesome. All right, cool.

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So we have, I'm sure some of our ladies that have been on with us for a while will join

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tonight. I see some of our ladies that have been here for a few weeks as well. So for

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those of you that just finished the Modern Dating Sex Book Club, congratulations on that.

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It's an incredible book. Even myself, I've been married for almost four years. I've been

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reading it. I'm almost finished. And I'm just like, man, this is just so timely and helpful

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for people. And also I kept thinking, man, I wish I had this years ago. You know, thankfully

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I navigated it through the coaching and the hard work and found my hubby and it's been

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going great. But man, it's just really awesome to see what God is producing and literally

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creating in and through Jackie and all of her blessings and giftings. So welcome. My

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name's Bethany Cooper. I'm one of the Master Heartwork Coaches here in our community. And

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some of you will see Andrea Jezelnik at 1 p.m. sessions. Some of you all will see myself,

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Andrea, and Kelly Stotler, who also is one of our Heartwork Coaches, responding to your

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post in the group. That's our current Heartwork Team. On occasion, Jackie might jump in when

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she's able and just say something just that might be catching her attention or whatever,

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or send a little video. But for the most part, you're going to see the three of us. And we're

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so honored to be on this journey with you. We do not take this lightly. Heart healing

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is an incredible process. It's not always an easy process, but it is incredible. And

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we believe that God is divinely moving and has been for years. I've been with the Last

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Year Single Movement. I'm one of the success stories. I came through in 2021. And I've

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been with the movement since June of 21, coaching. And it's just been a joy to see

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God bringing breakthrough and healing to so many people. And I always really believe strongly

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in God's appointed time for everybody that is here at the time that you're here. And

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so praise God, he's brought you here and he has a purpose for you and a plan. The spirit

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mate is the cherry on top, ladies. So get ready, buckle your seatbelts, because God

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is going to do something really miraculous in your life. And we cannot wait to get a

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front row seat to that. Stacy, welcome also for your first time. And so we do typically

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at the beginning of every session, I try to keep it as short as possible, a little bit

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of housekeeping. So just for those that are new, or maybe you've been here for a few weeks

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and you haven't done it yet. Either way, we would love for you to do an introduction

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post in the group. So what I mean by that is when you go into the Last Year Single app,

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if you click on that community tab, there is an option to create a post. If you'll create

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a post, we would love for you to include a picture that is one of your favorite pictures

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of yourself. And you can be with your dogs or your kids or just doing something that

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you love. But we want you to share a picture that you love of yourself and a little bit

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about yourself. You know, some people are just kind of nervous about posting in the

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group. So I get it. Share what you're comfortable with. But here's the thing. This is your opportunity

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to meet some of your sister squad, because those of you that are joining, you're coming

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in tonight at the same time, we have ladies that have been here for a little bit, you're

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going to get to know each other a little bit. And it's a really beautiful thing when people

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can get to know a little bit something about you so that they might even remember that

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when they come into one of the breakout rooms with you, or even see you on this live and

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cheer you on. Even for myself as a coach, I feel more connected to the people that I

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have an opportunity to get to know a little bit about you. And so just share what you're

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comfortable with what brought you to last year single maybe a couple

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your hobbies, you know, what's something you're believing for while you're here in this heart

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healing process. And then also, we do ask you to come on screen as much as possible. So I see

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several of you on screen with me tonight. Thank goodness for that. Because if not, sometimes I

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feel like I'm coaching to myself. But I understand everyone's not always able to come on screen. And

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I also understand that some people are actually just really nervous about it. So here's the thing,

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we're not going to pressure you. But I am going to mention it from time to time. Because as you're

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in the heart healing process, one of the important things that you're going to do on this journey is

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come out of hiding. And there's a lot of people that don't even realize ways that they stay in

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hiding, especially in the day in the world that we live in. There's so much online, right? And

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we can show up and just have our zoom screen. And like I did a meeting last week, I never turned my

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camera on. I hadn't even done my hair for the day. That's a glorious thing sometimes. But when we're

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in here, I do want to encourage you tonight, I just put a hat on ladies. You know, I've been

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hatting it up lately. And that's totally fine. Show up as yourself. Okay? But we love to see you.

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And it's really good to allow yourself to be seen. And here's the other thing. It's going to be a

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really good practice for you. For some of you, you're going to date online. And you have to get

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comfortable with seeing your face on the screen. And so this is a great opportunity. Yes, this is

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ladies only at this time. We've done it that way for years. I don't know if it will

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change. But Jackie did mention last week that we might end up doing where the men join us for this

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8pm session. And so if that changes where it does end up being co-ed, I will be sure to let you

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ladies know. And it's just because, you know, the guys, they just don't get as much of the

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heart we're coaching as you all do. And, and they want it and they are asking for it. And so

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our guys do an awesome job, but they're just haven't been trained in all of this stuff quite

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as much. And so we'll see if that changes. I will let you know. But tonight, it's just us ladies

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here together. Praise the Lord for that. Sometimes I like it both ways. And so we want to encourage

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you also to join the prayer calls as much as you can. If you're wondering what all is available to

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you, if you go into the last year single app, you're going to see a tab called events. Inside

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of the events is a calendar. It's going to show you our live session times like this. We have a

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1 p.m. and an 8 p.m. Eastern on Monday. My dishwasher's singing to us, y'all, if you hear

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it. Sorry about that. 1 p.m. and 8 p.m. live on Mondays. And then we have prayer calls that are

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going to be on your calendar. If we ever have a special event, that will get added right to

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your calendar. So ladies, check your calendar frequently. Right now, we haven't done many

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special sessions, but sometimes when we get towards year end, we have special, like,

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we've done, it's a little different than our prophetic ministry night that we do one Sunday

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night a month. But we tend to, as a community, do a big prophetic thing together. And it's been

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like an incredible blessing the last few years. But sometimes we do stuff like that. So just keep

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an eye on that. And you will have the links inside of there to join each event. Supernatural Saturday

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from this past week was kind of focusing on us not being alone. Just a reminder that God is with us

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and He's always working. And so I want to encourage you to check that out,

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the prophetic ministry night. If you don't even know what I'm talking about, we had that last

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night. Totally okay if you didn't know about it. But that replay should be in your replay tab as

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well. That's a time once a month where we come together just to, the prayer team and the prophetic

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leaders come together to just minister prophetically to our Last Year Single movement and community

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as a whole. And so that is in that replay. Okay, let me pray for us and we're going to jump right

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in. Father, thank you so much for this night. God, thank you for everything that you're doing

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in our hearts and our lives. God, thank you for all of these new ladies, God, as well as the

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ladies that have been here and are continuing in their heartwork process. We thank you, God,

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that you never leave us. You never fail us, God. I pray that you would just help the little versions

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of themselves that have been broken or hurt or wounded or even adult wounding that has happened,

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God, that you would help those places heal, be restored, be rebuilt, be redeemed, God,

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and that you would help the current version of themselves to converge back, God, that there would

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be a wholeness, a healing, completely whole, nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing broken.

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In Jesus' name, we thank you, God, for supernatural divine encounters tonight, God, that you would

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help me to convey your heart to them, that you would help them to hear what your spirit is saying,

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God, that it would bring breakthrough and divine reset, God, from the inside out, God, and I thank

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you, God, that you would help them to have even memories bubble to the surface that things

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that they've long forgotten that are holding them back, God, that you would make it known to them.

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So Lord, reveal the things that are in darkness and bring them to the light.

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And we just thank you for that in advance in Jesus name. Amen. Thank you so much. So ladies,

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if you keep seeing me messing with my nose, I'm sorry. I'm getting over being sick again,

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and my nose is kind of bugging me a little bit. So I apologize for that. It's probably not going

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to look super pretty on screen, but bear with me. It's going to be an awesome night. Tonight,

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we are talking about what is the broken heart. You guys are going to be learning about that.

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If you're brand new here in the first few weeks of your course, for those of you that are a little

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further along, hopefully you've done that by now. But basically I'm going to try to walk you a

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little further into that. What does it mean? How to unpack it a little bit, how to also recognize

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some lies that we believe as a result of it. And so on that note, I want you to really hone in.

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We're not just talking about the heart in general. We're talking about the broken heart,

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the aspects of our broken heart, and where, what is it? Where does it lead us? And so I want to

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remind you that trauma doesn't just hurt us. Okay? It creates different versions of us.

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So we live into these counterfeit identities subconsciously, and we don't even know that

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we're doing it because of the hurt and the trauma and then the lies that we believed as a result of

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those things that we have gone through. So what is your broken heart leading you into?

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That is not a part of your true identity. What paths have you gone down that you know now were

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not a part of God's divine identity for you, his plan or his purpose. And maybe some of you,

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you're like, man, I know this didn't go well, but I just don't even know why I keep getting tripped

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up in this kind of area. Why do I keep attracting these unhealthy people? Why do I really struggle

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to set boundaries? Why do I struggle to use my voice and actually say what I mean? There's so

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many things that the broken heart causes us to do and also not do. For example, some of us,

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when we start to feel pressure or change or things shifting, we will go back into isolation.

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We will do self-sabotaging behaviors, minimize ourselves. Self-pity behavior is also in there.

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So you may not even realize that those tapes, if you will, are playing behind the scenes in your

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heart, in your life. The identity God gave you when he created you before pain and trauma ever

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entered your life is what we're talking about. If you hear me say the fullness of who God

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originally created you to be, that's what I'm referring to. It's that original design when he

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created you before you were ever wounded. And some of us, many of us, don't even know what that person

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was like. Because wounds and trauma came literally as we came out of the womb, okay? Some of you

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came, you know, within a few years. Some of you came later. Whatever that looks like for you,

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God wants to meet you right in the middle of those places and bring you to a place of healing

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and and here's the other thing I just think is important to say tonight is some of you might

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have done a ton of healing work already. And I don't want you to think any of that is invalid,

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but here's the other thing. I also don't want that to become something that you get hung up on,

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okay? So for example, some of us, like myself, I had worked with counselors and coaches. I had

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done a lot of work before I even came into this community. I'd been in ministry for 20-some years.

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I knew some stuff, if you will. But the reality is, I needed this content. I needed the healing

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that I got here. I needed the revelations that God gave me in this process. And the reality of

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all of that is that each piece, each step of counseling, coaching, the ministry experience,

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they were all pieces of the puzzle leading me to the healing and breakthrough that I received here.

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And then even since then, as I've been a coach, even as I coach this stuff, y'all, I continue to

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get healing and revelation. And so heart work is a process, y'all. Now, while you're here in the

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course, it is an intensive, what we would consider like an ICU, like a boot camp. It's intensive.

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You're going to feel it, but we're going to be with you on that journey. So don't give up. Don't

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quit on yourself. Keep going. I really encourage you one day at a time, just think, okay, Lord,

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what's one thing I can do in my heart work today? If you can do two or three, awesome. But if you

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can't, and the enemy tries to trigger you with overwhelm and like shutdown or distraction,

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one thing, stay on track. Just focus on one thing. And that will get you all the way through. I

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promise you. Okay. And I don't want you guys to get scared because some of you're like, I saw your

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I was getting big, like what am I about to get into here?

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The ladies that have been here for a little while,

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go ahead and put in the chat,

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maybe just one or two words,

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what's some breakthrough that some of you have been here

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that you've gotten that can encourage our new ladies

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so that they know to stay in the game.

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And I would love to see you all encourage them a little bit

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as I keep moving forward.

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And so some of you are gonna learn that,

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basically in the Bible talks about this Beezlebub, right?

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The devil, that is one of the names given to him.

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And Jackie is so good in the way that she explains things.

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And she's talking about the reality that Beezlebub

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is the Lord of the flies,

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which some of you may or may not know,

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but she's talking about how flies serve a purpose.

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They serve a purpose in the decomposition process though.

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It's not for building us up you all.

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It's not for adding a life to things,

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it helps things decompose.

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And so what flies do is they find an unhealed wound

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on something, in something,

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a sore or someplace of decomposition,

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and then they lay their eggs there inside of that place.

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So I want you to think about the areas of your heart

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that are wounded, that are sore,

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and the enemy is bringing, if you will,

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his flies to lay eggs in those areas

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and create more decomposition,

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more breakdown, more bondage.

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And then when those eggs hatch, well, guess what?

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Those larvae now have an unlimited food source

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because they're in the sore spot, if you will.

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These unhealed heart wounds and trauma,

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rejection that we've experienced

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become an ideal place for the enemy to sow his seeds,

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which are lies,

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because our hearts are these fertile wombs, you all.

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So whatever goes in there is going to get reproduced.

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And so some of you, again, it's not your fault.

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Some of you, the lies came so quick,

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so fast, so early in your life

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that you didn't even have the defenses

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and the ability to sort that all out.

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And so God's gonna help you in this process to do that.

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I'm gonna read some of these things

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these ladies are saying just to help you guys

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so we stay kind of in the track too,

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but I wanted you to hear this.

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Self-love, identified times of rejection and healed from it.

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I realized God wants me to be married more than I do.

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Shocking, but it's true.

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It is, it so is.

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Allowing myself to feel negative emotions without judgment.

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Yes, Elsie.

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This is my second week here.

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I made it through my first week of heart work.

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Praise God.

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I was terrified to jump in,

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but so glad I made the choice to start.

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Way to go, Marisol.

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We're so excited that you're here.

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Lisa says, realizing through the healing process

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that there is more.

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Y'all, there's always more.

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There's always an upgrade that God wants to give us.

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Okay, so the broken heart, we talk about it in three ways.

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It's a liar, it's a puzzle, and it's a pretender.

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The liar is that it's full of all these lies

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that we've believed because of the things we've gone through.

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It's a puzzle, it's messed up, it's distorted.

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There's chaos sometimes.

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And it tells us to do things that we don't really wanna do.

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Anyone else ever been like, why did I do that?

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I didn't even really wanna do it.

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Watched the show, ate the food, slept with the guy.

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Anyone?

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Yep, it's real.

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Even extended the time you were dating someone,

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even though you knew they weren't good for you.

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Why do we keep doing those things?

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Well, because our heart is a puzzle.

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There's a lot of confusion in there,

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and we allow it to lead us down roads

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that are not good for us.

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It's a pretender.

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So our broken heart tends to lead us to put on mask,

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to hide behind things.

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We're gonna talk about that a little more here in a minute.

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It might lead us to want expensive things, status.

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It might tell us, the pretender might say,

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hey, I'm okay, I don't need anybody.

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I've got this, when none of that is true.

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It might cause us to live below our true identity.

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Interestingly enough, I was talking to Jackie today

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about every time I try to write my book,

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I encounter this moment where I write a little bit,

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and then I would reread it,

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and then I would sit and hear all the negative things

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the enemy was saying to me about what I wrote.

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And talking to her, that's what keeps getting me stuck,

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because every time I sit there and reread it

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after I've only gotten maybe a page or two out,

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well, the enemy just keeps taking me through this cycle.

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And as we were talking, what came out of it is,

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God is trying to take me to the next place.

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He's trying to take me to the next level,

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but the enemy has caught me

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in this cycle of criticizing myself.

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So some of you all, that's where it's at for you

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in the dating process.

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us. You start going down that road and you start kind of reading the script a

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little too much and you second-guess yourself, you self-sabotage and you take

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yourself out of the game. And God is going to encourage you in this

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process to stay in the game and to learn how to heal and date in a healthy way.

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But we've got to work on our heart first. Remember I mentioned when you

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guys first joined tonight, the spirit mate, we talk about it in this community,

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is the cherry on top. So I want you guys to say that to yourself. You don't have

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to unmute. The spirit mate is the cherry on top. I want you to get really

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comfortable with that. Why do we say that? It's not because we don't think you're

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gonna find your spirit mate. We know you are. If you'll stay in the game. But we

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want you to focus on the main thing first. Your relationship with the Father,

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Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit being the first thing. And what does he want to

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do in your life? He wants you to have the full measure of his blessing in

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every area of your life, not just your romantic life. That's gonna come, but so

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many of us, we need healing in other areas first before we have the capacity

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to receive that blessing. Jeremiah 17 9 says the heart is deceitful above all

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things and desperately wicked. Who can know it? Do y'all know that sometimes we

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don't even know why we do what we do. We talked about this a little bit last

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week, but God knows why we do what we do. If y'all want to go back and listen to

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that, you're brand new, highly recommend you guys listen to last week's heart

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check-in. It was really good and we talked about that because we won't

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circle back to that for several weeks. So that might give you guys a jumpstart on

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that as well. Our hearts are highly impressionable. So again, remember

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everything that goes in there, it's gonna get reproduced. Proverbs 4 23 says

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keep your heart with all vigilance for from it

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flows the springs of life. I want you to think about what is like, what is

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having an impression on your heart in this season? What are the lies in the

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dialogue that you've even listened to today? And I don't know about you guys,

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but when I am struggling with sickness, I struggle with my thoughts more. Anybody

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else ever been there? The enemy tries to wear our physical body down sometimes so

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that he can kind of come in and bombard our minds. And so we have to war against

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that even more. All right, so I'm gonna talk about a couple different lies that

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people tend to hear. And there's so many more ladies, but these are seven and I'm

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gonna tell you why I chose these seven. And when I finish explaining them here,

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I'll tell you why I chose specifically these seven lies. Number one lie that a

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lot of us hear is you are insignificant. Now you might not sit and think that

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over and over, I'm insignificant. You might not be thinking that, but you

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might be thinking some other things that go along with it. I'm gonna read that to

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you here in a sec. If we believe we are insignificant, it actually means that we

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believe we're not significant, that we lack meaning, that we're not worth

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considering, that we're unimportant. How does this show up right now in our lives

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for a lot of us? We put other people first. We believe the lie that somebody

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else's likes, needs, wants come before ours. And hey you all, let me let me just

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say this. As a pastor's wife and pastor, I lead and pastor a lot of people in

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addition to what I do here for Last Year Single, there's a lot of wrong teaching

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in the body of Christ about what it means to be a Christian and all this

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like sacrifice that we must do. Now God calls us to be humble, okay? He does call

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us to consider other people. He does call us to love, you know, and even love

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our enemies. But there comes a time where that becomes unbalanced and it gets out

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of proportion and we lose who we are like fully sometimes. And God does not

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ask us to do that, okay? So God wants to kind of recalibrate a lot of your

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understandings of what does it really look like to to be a healthy Christian

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and to love people, to be sacrificial, but also to have healthy boundaries and

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honor who you are in the process, okay? Did anyone ever in your life tell you

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that you were not important? Maybe they didn't tell you with their words, but

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maybe by their actions in some way shape or form they silenced you, made you feel

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like you didn't matter, that your opinion didn't matter, that your voice didn't

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matter, that, you know, even your presence wasn't allowed in a certain environment

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or space or situation. Now as kids there are...

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times where our parents just need to have a conversation, right?

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And they might ask us to leave the room and we might take that as rejection.

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If they do it in a healthy way, you know, that was just us not understanding.

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If they did it in an unhealthy way and they said mean things about us, y'all,

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that, that was not God's intention for us.

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And that is not our, his heart towards us.

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And it never was.

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Lie number two, you don't matter.

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Partners a lot with lie number one, you're insignificant.

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And some of you might still be thinking, well, I don't actually believe that and

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praise God if you don't, but here's what I'm going to challenge you again.

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I really want to encourage you to ask the Lord.

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If you believe any of these lies subconsciously again, where the script is

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running behind the scenes and it's causing you to show up in your life today, where

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you're not really showing up fully as yourself, you don't really fully believe

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that what you have to say matters.

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Lie number three, you should be seen and not heard.

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You should be seen and not heard.

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Now, depending on what generation you grew up in, some of you may have heard this

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growing up, you know, back in that day, you know, things were just done differently.

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They were processed differently, you know, not a lot of community feeling and, and

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family, cause the parents actually felt bad if they asked their kids for stuff,

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you know, but then there was also this like belittling kind of verbiage that

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was used so many times.

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Yeah.

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And I don't know if that's, is it, is it Xan?

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Is that how you say your name?

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You can unmute and tell me.

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Yes.

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All right.

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So she made up a, or mentioned a really good point here.

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Even at 60, she's still getting it from her elders.

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Y'all, this is not healthy stuff.

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And so it doesn't mean we act dishonorable, but we can lovingly start to set

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boundaries on some of that unhealthy behavior.

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All right.

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Lie number four, you're not enough.

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Lie number four tends to go with you're not enough or you're too much.

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The enemy loves to teeter us kind of ping pong us back and forth between those two

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lies frequently.

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If you're anything like me, those were the two biggest lies I believed.

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And it goes, it feeds right into struggles with perfectionism, people

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pleasing over explaining myself, just feeling like a, I'm like always worried

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that people are not going to be okay about something I did or said.

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And if something happens or like, I feel like I have to explain why I did things.

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Well, that comes from the environment I grew up in.

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And it comes from me feeling like I'm not enough or I'm too much.

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Lie number five, your opinion doesn't matter.

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Lie number six, you're always going to have to beg.

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The way this can show up is people have limiting belief systems, scarcity

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mindsets, they, whether they realize it or not, they kind of envision that

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they're underneath of the table when God and all the other people are sitting at

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the table and they're just, all they have the capability of getting is the

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crumbs, the leftovers.

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There's never enough men.

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There's never enough money.

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Nobody ever helps me.

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I'm better off just being single.

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These are all scarcity, limiting belief systems, mindsets, orphan mentalities.

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They're all kind of hanging out together.

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Lie number seven, if they really knew me, they wouldn't accept me, love me, or

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choose me.

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And some of you have gotten this belief system because even as you allowed

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yourself to be seen by your parents or someone else of influence that you really

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looked up to, they did or said something that caused you to retreat, to hide.

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To pull back who you really are.

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And so every time you try to let that person out, if someone doesn't act, like

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if someone acts even remotely similar to how you were treated before, that lie

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comes right up that they don't, they know the real me and now they're not choosing

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me or they're not accepting me.

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Or you might even be afraid of telling someone something that you've been

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through because you're afraid that if they knew these things, then man, there's

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just no chance for this to survive.

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Joy, thanks for putting those in there.

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That's awesome.

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So all of these lies I've mentioned tonight have a core theme to them.

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Having low self-esteem, not understanding.

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our value or worth and then having these pauper orphan mentalities. I don't want you guys to

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shame yourself if you have any of these thoughts or resonated with anything that I said, but I want

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you to understand the way that we change, the way that we heal, it's by getting a revelation and

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self-awareness of really what's going on down in our soul. Remember our heart can think, or excuse

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me, our head can think positive things because as Christians especially we have learned how to quote

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scripture, how to think good things, but then the problem is that in our hearts there's a different

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dialogue going on in here. Being transformed by the renewing of our minds so that all old

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things could pass away and behold everything has become new, that is when our mind and our heart

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sync up. When our hearts and our souls are down in here heals and then all of a sudden there's like

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an even bigger revelation of the truth that we now truly behold in our spirit.

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So I want you to think about, here's one truth, if you struggle with financials,

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this is one, I'm going to give you one. I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with

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that you're never going to have enough, that you're just always struggle, that you know whatever,

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you know there's always a hole in my pocket, whatever your negative dialogue has been and I

426
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:32.240
encourage you to start partnering with this. I can have enough money to give away all of the time. I

427
00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:38.800
am a lender not a borrower. Now y'all the physical realm might not automatically line up, I'm telling

428
00:31:38.800 --> 00:31:44.080
you for years I prayed that and I didn't necessarily experience it, but you know what happened is I got

429
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:55.200
the revelation it wasn't just a financial problem, it was a heart problem. I didn't believe that God

430
00:31:55.200 --> 00:32:05.520
wanted to give me these things, not truly. I always felt like I was on the outside of some kind of

431
00:32:05.520 --> 00:32:12.080
imaginary gate and the gate was shut and I was just trying to reach through like begging God,

432
00:32:12.080 --> 00:32:21.040
please God let me through. Can I please come in? Well here it is ladies that's an incorrect view

433
00:32:21.760 --> 00:32:29.840
of the Father and how his kingdom operates. God ended up giving me a revelation after I'd gone

434
00:32:29.840 --> 00:32:34.720
through the heart work and I kept praying into this stuff and one day he gave me the revelation

435
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:41.840
that the gate was open and you know what he said to me when I got the revelation? He said it's always

436
00:32:42.560 --> 00:32:52.160
been open. It was my perception that it was closed, that God was closed off and far from me

437
00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:55.920
and the things that that other people could attain I just couldn't,

438
00:32:57.600 --> 00:33:01.920
but that wasn't truth and so I'm going to give that to you tonight that's not truth for you.

439
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:11.520
Great question Sandra, you know for me I feel like the you know doing things that we

440
00:33:11.520 --> 00:33:17.760
don't really want to do you know coming under that pretender that self-sabotage

441
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:24.560
I feel like it lands under the pretender because some of us the reason we binge watch I don't know

442
00:33:24.560 --> 00:33:29.440
about you all but when life gets overwhelming that's been a go-to for me. I grew up watching

443
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:34.800
my mom do that and so it's a learned behavior and it's not an easy one to break if I'm being honest

444
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:42.560
and so just really getting that discipline to set a timer and turn the tv off. Now sometimes

445
00:33:42.560 --> 00:33:47.520
I'll just if I like I wasn't feeling well this last week and so on Saturday I just let myself

446
00:33:47.520 --> 00:33:54.240
rest more than normal and I had the tv on while I was doing it. Now that's a little different okay

447
00:33:54.240 --> 00:34:00.960
but I can look back on my life and definitely even right now think of a couple times where

448
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:09.679
things were not going well in my life and so I turn to tv to self-soothe to hide

449
00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:18.239
and to just disappear really okay and so it depends on why you're doing it too.

450
00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:26.800
All right okay we're gonna keep going. Proverbs 12 49 a wife of noble character is her husband's

451
00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:35.840
crown. How many of you actually believe that you are a crown to your husband a blessing to his life

452
00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:40.719
that a man who finds a wife has found a good thing and that you're his good thing

453
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:46.080
and because here's the thing if you don't believe you're his good thing before he finds you guess

454
00:34:46.080 --> 00:34:50.800
what it's not going to automatically appear after you find him because you found the guy

455
00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:54.320
we have to believe that in our heart before we find them

456
00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:59.840
okay and you're not looking for a needle in a haystack ladies

457
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.240
I know that's how the enemy loves to play the dialogue, but that's not that's not truth.

458
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:11.280
God said through Jackie this one time and I wrote it on a post-it and I put it up in my bathroom

459
00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:16.560
and I kept declaring that thing. This is what he said through Jackie.

460
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:24.240
You're not gonna have only one, you're gonna have choices or something like that. You're gonna have

461
00:35:24.240 --> 00:35:29.200
plenty, you're gonna have choices, you're gonna have options. And it hit my spirit because in

462
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:37.360
the past I would like date one guy and get like laser focused on that person. And so in my new

463
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:43.280
era, praise the Lord, when I was healed God was teaching me how to date multiple people, not

464
00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:49.520
getting too serious in the process before giving them more than they should have in a very quick

465
00:35:49.520 --> 00:35:55.120
amount of time. And that even can be emotional capacity. Man, I learned a whole new way of

466
00:35:55.120 --> 00:36:01.440
approaching things and God gave me options. And it was a great experience and I got the

467
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:08.080
empowerment of realizing, man, I get to choose here. God's, you know, letting me, he's blessing me

468
00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:15.840
and he's giving me the ability to know the healthy choice too. And to also recognize the people that

469
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:20.720
are unhealthy and not just keep continuing in relationship with them anymore because I'm just

470
00:36:20.720 --> 00:36:27.920
trying to be a good person and keep having faith for that person to change. No. You guys are gonna

471
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:34.240
hear, I learned that the hard way. That is not God's plan. Okay. And we'll get through that and go into

472
00:36:34.240 --> 00:36:39.360
that more in the weeks ahead. Ephesians 1.5, in love he predestined us for adoption to sonship

473
00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:47.360
through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will. Isaiah 43.4, since you are precious and

474
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:53.280
honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in

475
00:36:53.280 --> 00:37:01.920
exchange for your life. Luke 12.7 says this, indeed the very hairs of your head are all

476
00:37:02.560 --> 00:37:08.640
numbered. Don't be afraid. You are worth more than sparrows.

477
00:37:09.600 --> 00:37:16.000
You're worth more than God's creation of a sparrow and what he provides for them.

478
00:37:17.920 --> 00:37:22.240
So I want you just to be kind of thinking about, and again, you might not know these right away

479
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:29.200
over these next few weeks, even tonight before you go to bed, praying, Lord, I pray that you

480
00:37:29.200 --> 00:37:35.280
would show me where I have orphan mentalities, limiting belief systems, show me where my heart

481
00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:41.440
is broken and where it's leading me into places that don't, that aren't leading me into the

482
00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:47.520
fullness of your plan for my life. Just like I prayed earlier for you and for our time tonight,

483
00:37:47.520 --> 00:37:51.360
bring those things out of darkness into the light so that they can be revealed for healing.

484
00:37:52.560 --> 00:37:57.440
Help me to not blow past those things. And so ladies, what I want to encourage you to do too,

485
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:01.440
we're getting ready to go into breakouts. As you're in this heart healing process, it's really

486
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:08.000
important to ask God good questions. Okay? So if you have a memory bubble up to the surface,

487
00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:14.800
I'm going to encourage you don't just brush that off. Ask God, Oh, well, I haven't thought about

488
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:19.360
that in a long time. Those are the kinds of things I'm talking about. Some of you are going to have

489
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:25.120
memories of things you've long forgotten come to the surface in this process. Lord, this is coming

490
00:38:25.120 --> 00:38:29.840
up for me. Can you, can you reveal to me why you want me to, why do you want me to remember this?

491
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:34.560
What areas do I need healing? Some of you might know right away, you know, why you need healing,

492
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:42.160
but asking God and letting him show you is going to be key. Now, other things you might have some

493
00:38:42.160 --> 00:38:48.720
that surface that you've already worked on. And I want you to know that that's normal too. Okay?

494
00:38:48.720 --> 00:38:53.200
And I don't want you to get discouraged because it doesn't mean that what you did before didn't work.

495
00:38:54.080 --> 00:39:01.360
There are healing layers. Okay. There's layers of forgiveness. And I always try to encourage people,

496
00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:06.240
don't panic because it doesn't mean you have to go all the way back through all of that stuff,

497
00:39:06.240 --> 00:39:10.160
especially for some of you, you've done a lot of work. It was a really painful process.

498
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:16.160
God wants you to kind of think of it as popping the hood of a car and just taking another look

499
00:39:16.160 --> 00:39:20.400
up under the hood. Because sometimes the engine light comes on when we're driving,

500
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:26.640
because something that we don't know needs fixed, needs fixed still. Okay. Maybe there's a hole in

501
00:39:26.640 --> 00:39:32.720
the air, the, the, um, you know, the air hose or something, maybe a filter needs changed.

502
00:39:32.720 --> 00:39:37.680
So I really want to encourage you. Don't, don't check out when he starts bringing things up that

503
00:39:37.680 --> 00:39:42.000
you're just like, man, I don't want to look at this again. I've already done this work. I've

504
00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:47.680
been there and I'm here to tell you it's worth it. If you'll just continue to follow his process

505
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:51.520
and he's going to show you things that which you did not know, and he's going to give you

506
00:39:51.520 --> 00:39:56.000
blessings that which you cannot contain it and replace of those things that he's,

507
00:39:56.000 --> 00:40:01.040
he's going to help you make room for the new. Okay. And this is a great opportunity for you.

508
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.320
All right, so we're gonna go into our breakout rooms.

509
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:05.020
I typically do about seven minutes

510
00:40:05.020 --> 00:40:07.020
for all of our new ladies.

511
00:40:07.020 --> 00:40:09.100
I give you a question, put you in there.

512
00:40:09.100 --> 00:40:10.620
You're gonna meet some new people,

513
00:40:10.620 --> 00:40:13.360
say hi to each other, answer the question.

514
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:15.540
No coaching, no giving advice in the groups.

515
00:40:15.540 --> 00:40:17.800
You're just there to answer the question with each other.

516
00:40:17.800 --> 00:40:19.220
If you have extra time, you can say,

517
00:40:19.220 --> 00:40:20.740
hey, where are you from?

518
00:40:20.740 --> 00:40:21.860
What led you here?

519
00:40:21.860 --> 00:40:22.920
Get to know each other a little bit.

520
00:40:22.920 --> 00:40:24.620
It's a great process, okay?

521
00:40:24.620 --> 00:40:27.080
But just reminder, again, no coaching.

522
00:40:27.080 --> 00:40:28.300
Nobody has to fix anybody.

523
00:40:28.300 --> 00:40:31.880
If people cry, this is what I want you to respond.

524
00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:33.500
Thank you so much for trusting me

525
00:40:33.500 --> 00:40:37.120
and sharing that with me tonight, okay?

526
00:40:37.120 --> 00:40:39.320
That gives them space to cry

527
00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:42.640
and not feel like they have to hold that back or change.

528
00:40:42.640 --> 00:40:45.040
And you don't have to shift into coaching,

529
00:40:45.040 --> 00:40:46.720
you know, giving advice or any of those things.

530
00:40:46.720 --> 00:40:48.740
That's what we're here for, okay?

531
00:40:48.740 --> 00:40:49.820
Everybody good?

532
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:53.320
Cool, all right, let me set up these breakout rooms

533
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:55.820
and it's gonna be really awesome.

534
00:40:56.820 --> 00:40:59.440
That's totally fine if people,

535
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:01.560
like Pamela mentioned, she's driving

536
00:41:01.560 --> 00:41:02.840
and Ailyn can't go into breakouts.

537
00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:04.960
I know she's got a little one,

538
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:06.880
so that makes it tough for her to go into breakouts.

539
00:41:06.880 --> 00:41:10.200
So if you can't, just stay where you are here.

540
00:41:10.200 --> 00:41:12.120
And for those of you, if you're in a breakout

541
00:41:12.120 --> 00:41:14.780
and the other person isn't there or they're not talking,

542
00:41:14.780 --> 00:41:15.800
I'll move you guys around

543
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:18.440
because I can kind of see that on the back end here.

544
00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:19.280
All right.

545
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:21.600
Bethany, what's the question?

546
00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:23.360
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna give that to you here in a sec.

547
00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:24.640
Give me one second.

548
00:41:24.660 --> 00:41:25.660
Yeah, okay.

549
00:41:27.020 --> 00:41:28.220
Yeah, we'll do seven minutes.

550
00:41:28.220 --> 00:41:30.820
So we're gonna do short, brief and powerful, ladies.

551
00:41:30.820 --> 00:41:33.480
Okay, so that means be aware of the other people in the room

552
00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:35.100
and giving them enough time to share as well.

553
00:41:35.100 --> 00:41:36.540
Here's the question.

554
00:41:36.540 --> 00:41:40.380
What broken heart aspect do you relate with the most tonight?

555
00:41:40.380 --> 00:41:42.460
So do you relate with the liar?

556
00:41:42.460 --> 00:41:45.500
Do you relate with the puzzle?

557
00:41:45.500 --> 00:41:47.200
Do you relate with the pretender?

558
00:41:47.200 --> 00:41:49.740
Maybe it's all of them, but whatever your answer is,

559
00:41:49.740 --> 00:41:51.480
you get to answer that tonight.

560
00:41:51.500 --> 00:41:53.500
So what broken heart aspect

561
00:41:53.500 --> 00:41:56.400
do you relate with the most tonight?

562
00:41:56.400 --> 00:41:57.580
All right, here you go.

563
00:41:57.580 --> 00:41:58.420
Go ahead and click.

564
00:41:58.420 --> 00:41:59.980
That should be up on your screen.

565
00:41:59.980 --> 00:42:03.360
Gonna click to join that as quick as possible.

566
00:42:15.220 --> 00:42:18.700
All right, and as soon as I get everybody situated,

567
00:42:18.920 --> 00:42:21.720
pray, we have some people in rooms by themselves here.

568
00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:32.940
All right, Father, thank you so much for this night.

569
00:42:32.940 --> 00:42:34.620
God, we thank you for revealings,

570
00:42:34.620 --> 00:42:36.880
for healing that are happening.

571
00:42:36.880 --> 00:42:39.600
God, I'm asking you to continue to bring to the surface

572
00:42:39.600 --> 00:42:41.640
what you know needs to be known.

573
00:42:41.640 --> 00:42:45.200
Lord, thank you so much that you never give up on us,

574
00:42:45.200 --> 00:42:48.800
that you're leading us into wide open spaces.

575
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:52.540
God, I thank you that you're helping us

576
00:42:52.540 --> 00:42:53.940
to come further into the identity

577
00:42:53.940 --> 00:42:56.080
that you originally created us to live in.

578
00:42:58.180 --> 00:43:01.000
I pray that you would renew their hearts,

579
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:03.420
give them courage tonight to share.

580
00:43:03.420 --> 00:43:04.860
God, I thank you that you would help them

581
00:43:04.860 --> 00:43:07.980
to see themselves more through your eyes every single day.

582
00:43:09.300 --> 00:43:11.780
Sorry, ladies, I'm struggling just a tiny bit.

583
00:43:11.780 --> 00:43:13.780
Let me just catch my breath for a minute.

584
00:43:15.540 --> 00:43:17.380
And Lord, I just thank you that you would help us

585
00:43:17.380 --> 00:43:21.700
to know that Luke 6 45 is so true

586
00:43:21.700 --> 00:43:24.700
and that you would help us to become more like this

587
00:43:24.700 --> 00:43:26.220
every day, and this is what it says.

588
00:43:26.220 --> 00:43:27.780
And this is Jesus's words, ladies.

589
00:43:27.780 --> 00:43:30.100
It says, a good person produces good things

590
00:43:30.100 --> 00:43:32.620
from the treasuries of a good heart.

591
00:43:32.620 --> 00:43:34.940
And an evil person produces evil things

592
00:43:34.940 --> 00:43:37.140
from the treasury of an evil heart.

593
00:43:37.140 --> 00:43:40.260
What you say flows from what is in your heart.

594
00:43:40.260 --> 00:43:42.940
And so sometimes we might not even speak things out,

595
00:43:42.940 --> 00:43:46.060
but we think things, and that is very similar

596
00:43:46.060 --> 00:43:47.540
to things that we're saying,

597
00:43:47.540 --> 00:43:48.980
even if it doesn't come out of our mouth.

598
00:43:48.980 --> 00:43:50.700
So remember, out of the heart,

599
00:43:50.700 --> 00:43:52.380
out of the overflow of the heart,

600
00:43:52.380 --> 00:43:53.720
the mouth is gonna speak.

601
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:56.100
So that's gonna be a signal to us to tell us,

602
00:43:56.100 --> 00:43:58.260
hey, you probably need some healing there

603
00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:00.900
if there's something negative coming out of our mouths

604
00:44:00.900 --> 00:44:02.540
or we have bad attitudes

605
00:44:02.540 --> 00:44:04.920
or we get angry really fast about something.

606
00:44:04.920 --> 00:44:06.560
Hi, Monica, welcome.

607
00:44:06.560 --> 00:44:08.260
The ladies are in breakout rooms.

608
00:44:08.260 --> 00:44:09.580
I don't know, did you get bumped out

609
00:44:09.580 --> 00:44:11.020
or it's okay if you're just joining us?

610
00:44:11.020 --> 00:44:11.860
Thank you so much.

611
00:44:11.860 --> 00:44:13.780
I was in room number nine,

612
00:44:13.780 --> 00:44:16.100
but I don't know what happened.

613
00:44:16.100 --> 00:44:17.340
You were in room what?

614
00:44:17.340 --> 00:44:18.180
Which room?

615
00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:19.620
Room nine.

616
00:44:19.620 --> 00:44:21.580
Oh, okay, let me put you back in there.

617
00:44:21.580 --> 00:44:23.160
Thank you so much.

618
00:44:23.160 --> 00:44:24.000
Oh.

619
00:44:29.500 --> 00:44:31.180
Monica, I might actually put you in room eight

620
00:44:31.180 --> 00:44:33.540
cause someone's sitting there by themselves.

621
00:44:33.540 --> 00:44:34.900
Okay, okay, thank you.

622
00:44:34.900 --> 00:44:35.740
Thank you.

623
00:44:42.020 --> 00:44:43.740
All right, cool.

624
00:44:45.540 --> 00:44:48.620
I don't know if she got bumped out of the wrong room.

625
00:44:48.620 --> 00:44:51.480
So Lord, I thank you that you would help us to remember

626
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:53.900
that you are signaling to us through those things

627
00:44:53.900 --> 00:44:55.740
that we would pay attention.

628
00:44:55.740 --> 00:44:57.460
And Lord, I just hear the scripture

629
00:44:57.460 --> 00:44:58.860
even just coming up in my spirit

630
00:44:58.860 --> 00:45:00.460
about being still and knowing.

631
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.120
Knowing that you're God.

632
00:45:01.120 --> 00:45:08.960
And so if there's anyone here live tonight, or they're going to watch the replay, that's just struggling, Lord, with chaos or fear.

633
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:13.320
God, I thank you that you would just wash over them with waves of your healing grace.

634
00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:24.720
Lord, that you would renew them with a steadfast spirit, God, that you would give them the perseverance that they need to stay on track, to resist distraction.

635
00:45:25.120 --> 00:45:30.760
Lord, that you would help them to embrace the transformation that you're doing in them and through them.

636
00:45:31.200 --> 00:45:34.040
God, I thank you for the heart healing, God, that you're doing.

637
00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:42.720
And the ripple effects, just like an ocean or a body of water, when we throw a stone in it, the ripples go, go, go, go for a long time.

638
00:45:42.720 --> 00:45:49.440
And so, Lord, I thank you that healing and reconciliation and families would come from this work and all of their hearts and lives.

639
00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:53.600
We thank you that you would literally transform the way they see themselves when they look in the mirror.

640
00:45:54.240 --> 00:46:00.680
God, that you would show them the glory inside of them, what you're doing, that it would start to exude on the outside.

641
00:46:00.680 --> 00:46:06.320
And I just thank you that, yeah, Lord, that people would be drawn to your spirit in and through them.

642
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:10.000
God, I thank you that you're leading them to their spirit mate and their spirit mate to them.

643
00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:13.360
God, I thank you for this divine healing and restoration time.

644
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:23.040
Yes, Lord, I thank you that you would remind them that you've always seen them, that you've always loved them, that you've always been working on their behalf.

645
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:31.920
Just like the words that you released last night, so many words of things happening in the spirit realm, God, and that you're not withholding from us,

646
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:42.280
but that you're holding on to those to reveal them and pour them out on us in due season, at the appropriate appointed time,

647
00:46:42.520 --> 00:46:47.120
when we can stand up under the weight of the blessing that you are giving unto us.

648
00:46:47.120 --> 00:46:48.960
And so, Lord, I thank you for that truth.

649
00:46:49.680 --> 00:46:53.200
Psalm 119.165 in the Passion Translation says this,

650
00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:59.880
There is such a great peace and well-being that comes to the lovers of your word, and they will never be offended.

651
00:47:00.240 --> 00:47:06.760
Lord, I pray that you would help us to, if we get offended about things, to pause and just ask you more about it.

652
00:47:06.760 --> 00:47:08.800
Lord, what's causing the offense in us?

653
00:47:09.240 --> 00:47:12.480
I know that offense is an opportunity for an upgrade.

654
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:19.680
So, Lord, I thank you for just continuing to love us, guiding us, that you're the good shepherd.

655
00:47:20.360 --> 00:47:25.360
I thank you that you never leave us, that you never forsake us, and that you're with us every step of the way.

656
00:47:26.080 --> 00:47:27.680
Exodus 26 says this,

657
00:47:34.680 --> 00:47:42.160
God, I thank you that where we have believed the lie that you're just out to get us, God, or that you just don't have anything good coming our way,

658
00:47:42.640 --> 00:47:50.920
maybe even we believe that lie because our parents said nothing good ever comes to us, or no men, no good men ever are going to love you.

659
00:47:50.920 --> 00:47:54.160
Maybe some of us have even heard our parents say those things to us.

660
00:47:54.520 --> 00:47:59.680
I just come against those lies in Jesus' name, and I just bind and break them under the blood of Jesus Christ.

661
00:47:59.680 --> 00:48:03.640
Jesus, I thank you that you are the one that sets us free, and it's your truth that brings freedom.

662
00:48:03.640 --> 00:48:08.880
So, we just ask you to come into the area of those lies and bring illumination and bring truth.

663
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:16.440
And we just thank you, God, that you're lavishing love on us and those behind us for a thousand generations.

664
00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:25.760
And I thank you that you enable us as your daughters, just like 2 Corinthians 10, 5 says, to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Jesus Christ.

665
00:48:25.760 --> 00:48:34.560
So, God, give us the wisdom, give us the foresight to even recognize the attacks of the enemy even before they come.

666
00:48:34.560 --> 00:48:35.280
God, I thank you.

667
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:52.880
Even this week, I had a dream weeks ago, and something even happened today that I knew as soon as it was unfolding, God, that the dream you gave me weeks ago wasn't just a warning, but it was a preparation, God, because you love me so much that you didn't want me to be afraid today when that unfolded.

668
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:55.120
And so, God, I believe that for all of these ladies.

669
00:48:55.120 --> 00:49:01.000
I pray that you would help them just to see all the ways that you've been working on their behalf for years, God.

670
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:14.720
And even when they didn't understand, God, whether it was dreams, whether it was visions, whether it was a word that they heard in church or your scripture, God, that you would start to just bring all that stuff together to make more and more and more sense to them.

671
00:49:15.080 --> 00:49:21.640
I thank you, God, that you refine us, you restore us, you rebuild us, that you're the master craftsman.

672
00:49:21.640 --> 00:49:24.680
And I thank you, God, that you are the potter and we're the clay.

673
00:49:25.200 --> 00:49:31.040
So help us, Lord, to put ourselves back on the wheel and to trust you in the process.

674
00:49:31.600 --> 00:49:32.920
Welcome back.

675
00:49:33.400 --> 00:49:33.760
Hello.

676
00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:34.760
Hello.

677
00:49:35.720 --> 00:49:36.120
Awesome.

678
00:49:36.120 --> 00:49:38.920
I see a lot of smiling faces, so that's always good.

679
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:40.440
Welcome back.

680
00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:41.040
All right.

681
00:49:41.040 --> 00:49:43.600
So I'm going to give you all, we call them activations.

682
00:49:43.600 --> 00:49:54.080
So every week, in addition to what you're working on already, these are a little extra, but I promise you, if you will work on them, they're going to help kind of accelerate what you're learning.

683
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:59.960
And even if you're on week one and I'm giving you an activation that might go with something later on, you're at the.

684
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.800
right place at the right time for what we're giving you.

685
00:50:02.800 --> 00:50:05.800
So just trust that process too.

686
00:50:05.800 --> 00:50:07.880
All right, so tonight's activations,

687
00:50:07.880 --> 00:50:10.320
well, this week's activations, I have two.

688
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:12.600
I'm not gonna go into the full explanation

689
00:50:12.600 --> 00:50:14.200
because I post these in the group.

690
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:16.960
So if you all go into the Last Year Single app,

691
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:18.960
I'll post them tonight.

692
00:50:18.960 --> 00:50:21.000
If you click on Announcements,

693
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:22.520
you're gonna see a post there

694
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:24.960
that says Activations for this week.

695
00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:28.200
And the text there will explain this more in detail

696
00:50:28.200 --> 00:50:30.680
just because I don't wanna take time of coaching

697
00:50:30.680 --> 00:50:32.920
to explain this because they're a little bit longer.

698
00:50:32.920 --> 00:50:34.800
But the two that we're gonna do,

699
00:50:34.800 --> 00:50:36.940
number one is shift to the positive.

700
00:50:37.960 --> 00:50:40.320
So the short version is you're gonna ask God

701
00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:42.880
to show you gold in yourself

702
00:50:42.880 --> 00:50:47.120
as well as other people around you, okay?

703
00:50:47.120 --> 00:50:48.440
Then you're gonna come into the group

704
00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:50.200
and you're gonna create a post and tell us about it.

705
00:50:50.200 --> 00:50:52.400
Now, again, there's a little more explanation,

706
00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:54.360
but that's the short version for tonight.

707
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:58.160
Number two activation is you're gonna activate Play.

708
00:50:59.000 --> 00:51:00.800
Let the fun side of you come out to play.

709
00:51:00.800 --> 00:51:02.640
We've been working on this the last few weeks,

710
00:51:02.640 --> 00:51:04.600
but I felt led to do it again

711
00:51:04.600 --> 00:51:07.680
because I think some of you need to keep practicing this.

712
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:09.440
Reconnect with the fun side of you

713
00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:12.320
that got shoved down over years of fear,

714
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:14.320
failure, loss of hope, rules.

715
00:51:14.320 --> 00:51:16.420
Some of you have been under rules, rules, rules

716
00:51:16.420 --> 00:51:18.920
from your parents, from church, all the things.

717
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:20.200
Now, I'm not saying go sin.

718
00:51:20.200 --> 00:51:22.520
That is not what I'm saying, okay?

719
00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:23.680
I wanna make sure that's real clear

720
00:51:23.680 --> 00:51:24.780
because when I talk about the church,

721
00:51:24.780 --> 00:51:27.740
I didn't want that to sound like I'm saying go be bad.

722
00:51:28.280 --> 00:51:30.260
I'm saying go have fun, okay?

723
00:51:30.260 --> 00:51:33.140
And so fun might look different for all of you,

724
00:51:33.140 --> 00:51:34.980
but I'm gonna give you a couple ideas.

725
00:51:34.980 --> 00:51:38.940
Maybe you have a PJ party with some girlfriends, yep.

726
00:51:38.940 --> 00:51:40.140
And for some of you, you're like,

727
00:51:40.140 --> 00:51:42.480
man, I don't get along with girls.

728
00:51:43.580 --> 00:51:47.160
Well, maybe you can find one friend to go to lunch with.

729
00:51:48.140 --> 00:51:52.360
That's a woman and you can practice allowing that to heal.

730
00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:53.740
If we've been hurt by women,

731
00:51:53.740 --> 00:51:56.180
God wants to heal us through women.

732
00:51:57.100 --> 00:51:59.020
I know, we don't always wanna hear that.

733
00:51:59.020 --> 00:52:01.100
Some of us, it's easier for us to be like,

734
00:52:01.100 --> 00:52:02.780
it's just easier to be friends with guys.

735
00:52:02.780 --> 00:52:04.140
Y'all, I can promise you,

736
00:52:04.140 --> 00:52:07.780
I've had some drama with some women, okay?

737
00:52:07.780 --> 00:52:11.060
It's not easy, but I've found some really amazing women

738
00:52:11.060 --> 00:52:12.460
to do life with as well,

739
00:52:12.460 --> 00:52:14.140
and I believe you can find them too.

740
00:52:14.140 --> 00:52:15.540
All right, so those were,

741
00:52:15.540 --> 00:52:18.840
maybe for some of you, it's swinging on a swing.

742
00:52:18.840 --> 00:52:21.780
Maybe it's sliding down a slide.

743
00:52:21.780 --> 00:52:25.140
Maybe for some of you, it's jumping in a pool.

744
00:52:25.140 --> 00:52:26.620
I don't know what that is for you,

745
00:52:26.620 --> 00:52:28.720
but it's about awakening the little girl

746
00:52:28.720 --> 00:52:31.100
on the inside of you, all right?

747
00:52:31.100 --> 00:52:32.460
Again, there's some more ideas.

748
00:52:32.460 --> 00:52:35.140
It'll be there in the app for you.

749
00:52:35.140 --> 00:52:38.240
And I really want you to think about exploration

750
00:52:38.240 --> 00:52:40.780
as a part of this process as well, okay?

751
00:52:40.780 --> 00:52:42.980
And again, I'll explain that in that post,

752
00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:45.340
but I just wanted to plant that seed for a little bit

753
00:52:45.340 --> 00:52:47.860
as well to kind of simmer before we end tonight.

754
00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:50.740
Now what we do is our group coaching time.

755
00:52:50.740 --> 00:52:53.940
And so I will ask, is there anyone that wants to share

756
00:52:53.980 --> 00:52:55.380
with the whole group what you shared

757
00:52:55.380 --> 00:52:57.160
in your private breakout?

758
00:52:57.160 --> 00:53:01.860
So you can share what aspect of the broken heart

759
00:53:01.860 --> 00:53:03.300
you related with the most.

760
00:53:03.300 --> 00:53:06.100
And then basically from there, as you all share,

761
00:53:06.100 --> 00:53:07.780
we just kind of go with the Holy Spirit

762
00:53:07.780 --> 00:53:09.260
and what is coming up.

763
00:53:09.260 --> 00:53:11.740
And you guys will kind of see from Tara and Lisa,

764
00:53:11.740 --> 00:53:13.300
they've done this before.

765
00:53:13.300 --> 00:53:16.660
And so normally it takes us a few to get going,

766
00:53:16.660 --> 00:53:19.500
but know that we love you

767
00:53:19.500 --> 00:53:21.820
and we're gonna support you in this process.

768
00:53:21.820 --> 00:53:25.900
And as a coach, sometimes I have to push back lovingly too.

769
00:53:25.900 --> 00:53:26.740
Okay?

770
00:53:26.740 --> 00:53:29.780
And so I promise I'm gonna be as gentle as I can be,

771
00:53:29.780 --> 00:53:31.540
and this is a safe place for you.

772
00:53:31.540 --> 00:53:34.540
All right, Tara, I would love to hear what you have to say.

773
00:53:37.220 --> 00:53:38.300
Awesome.

774
00:53:38.300 --> 00:53:41.660
Well, ladies, I had a win this week.

775
00:53:43.020 --> 00:53:46.060
About, I guess it was about 10 days ago.

776
00:53:46.060 --> 00:53:49.180
Like I've been trying different things,

777
00:53:49.180 --> 00:53:54.180
trying to connect differently in the dating world.

778
00:53:54.660 --> 00:53:57.860
I have not been on a date probably in,

779
00:53:59.260 --> 00:54:01.300
I think I used to have the time memorized,

780
00:54:01.300 --> 00:54:02.820
but the years just keep going by,

781
00:54:02.820 --> 00:54:04.660
but it's been like 15 years.

782
00:54:06.220 --> 00:54:07.780
Awkward blind dates.

783
00:54:09.060 --> 00:54:10.300
I think if you remember,

784
00:54:10.300 --> 00:54:13.020
Bethany engaged to a guy I knew for 13 years.

785
00:54:13.020 --> 00:54:14.380
So I did have a blip there

786
00:54:14.380 --> 00:54:17.740
that was more than just a boyfriend, so to speak,

787
00:54:17.740 --> 00:54:19.860
but haven't dated a lot,

788
00:54:19.860 --> 00:54:22.340
have very little experience dating.

789
00:54:22.340 --> 00:54:25.740
And so I met this guy online,

790
00:54:25.740 --> 00:54:29.860
and I don't know if it's different when you're,

791
00:54:29.860 --> 00:54:31.220
like I'm almost 50.

792
00:54:31.220 --> 00:54:35.380
He was, he is still, I'm sure, 43.

793
00:54:35.380 --> 00:54:38.740
But when you've lived multiple decades,

794
00:54:38.740 --> 00:54:40.380
I feel like when you come to the table,

795
00:54:40.380 --> 00:54:41.980
or at least my first experience here,

796
00:54:41.980 --> 00:54:42.980
because this is my first thing

797
00:54:42.980 --> 00:54:45.540
that advanced beyond chatting,

798
00:54:45.540 --> 00:54:48.700
it went into a phone call, multiple phone calls.

799
00:54:50.260 --> 00:54:52.260
But I felt like the,

800
00:54:56.340 --> 00:54:58.260
he shared some pretty deep things

801
00:54:58.260 --> 00:55:00.100
about his past and his history.

802
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.500
pretty quickly. And I almost assumed or picked up on, it was kind of like, let me dump this

803
00:55:07.500 --> 00:55:13.100
in front of you. And if it's too much, you can walk away now kind of thing, which I've

804
00:55:13.100 --> 00:55:21.440
seen that happen before. And I'm the type of person based on my, my career paths, and

805
00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:29.960
also just how I'm wired, I have high capacity for coaching, counseling, inner healing, emotional

806
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:36.680
intelligence, all that, all the things. And so it's very hard for me sometimes to know

807
00:55:36.680 --> 00:55:44.240
how to not that I've had a lot of experience, like I said, but I know I need to like somehow

808
00:55:44.240 --> 00:55:52.080
step away from this guy. Like there's not a match emotional health wise, like, yeah,

809
00:55:52.080 --> 00:55:58.040
you know, really pretty severe stuff that he's gone through lots of great qualities,

810
00:55:58.040 --> 00:56:04.160
but like probably 10 years behind where I've, you know, the work that I've done in my own

811
00:56:04.160 --> 00:56:12.120
life. So not that it will take him that long. So that being said, I felt like I could connect

812
00:56:12.120 --> 00:56:17.680
with what you were sharing about the, I don't know if it's the pretender. It's like, I want

813
00:56:17.680 --> 00:56:23.560
to be a nice person. I mean, like you, I've been pastor on staff at a church. I don't

814
00:56:23.560 --> 00:56:29.360
want to drop this guy. Like he just literally like shared all that. But is that a way that

815
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:34.480
can kind of keep you hooked? It's only been 10 days. Like I, and I've only talked to him three

816
00:56:34.480 --> 00:56:42.720
times, but he's now he's even texting me during this call, asking why I'm avoiding him. And I

817
00:56:42.720 --> 00:56:48.400
just texted him two hours ago in response to something he sent me. So I'm not avoiding him.

818
00:56:48.400 --> 00:56:55.920
But, um, I got to get out of this, but I don't want to be mean, you know,

819
00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:58.680
because I know this person is so hurting, you know?

820
00:56:58.680 --> 00:57:04.040
Okay. So I have one initial question because I can't remember when, you know,

821
00:57:04.040 --> 00:57:08.400
people move into next phase. Have you completed the heartwork?

822
00:57:08.400 --> 00:57:12.240
Almost? Yes. I'm at the end of phase one. Yep.

823
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:17.920
Okay. So for all my new ladies, I just want to make sure it's not confusing. Okay. When

824
00:57:17.920 --> 00:57:24.160
you're in the heartwork, we actually ask you guys not to date at all, not to talk to guys until

825
00:57:24.160 --> 00:57:30.360
you're all the way finished. So you're not in trouble, Tara. Okay. But I just want to remind

826
00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:36.480
you all it's really important. Here's why, because you're going to get all kinds of stuff kicked up

827
00:57:36.480 --> 00:57:44.080
in your spirit, in your soul, and it can cause you to attract really unhealthy people very quickly.

828
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:51.760
And to actually get distracted and off track. Okay. It can actually keep you from like missing

829
00:57:51.760 --> 00:57:56.400
things that God is trying to show you as well. So this happens to a lot of people. So what Tara's

830
00:57:56.400 --> 00:58:01.120
going through is actually pretty common where, you know, you're like, Oh my gosh, I haven't dated

831
00:58:01.120 --> 00:58:07.920
forever. Now this person, like I have this activity, you know, and you're learning something

832
00:58:07.920 --> 00:58:12.080
really important through it. So it's still going to be valuable, but you said some very important

833
00:58:12.080 --> 00:58:19.120
things that I feel like are really important for everybody to learn from. So number one, a guy that

834
00:58:19.120 --> 00:58:26.640
you just text two hours ago, texting you already saying, why are you avoiding me? Super, super

835
00:58:26.640 --> 00:58:35.040
flag for me. Okay. Very unhealthy. That shouldn't be happening. So you don't want to be mean,

836
00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:41.680
but do you want to be healthy? You know, like we have to make a choice ladies when it comes down

837
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:47.040
to it. For those of you tuck this away in your, your little brains and hearts for later for all

838
00:58:47.040 --> 00:58:51.600
my newbies and all my ladies still doing heartwork that you guys can use this. And there's a lot more

839
00:58:51.600 --> 00:58:58.640
dating coaching and all of that in the next phases. But, um, if we partner with helper

840
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:04.000
and we partner with, I don't want to be mean. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

841
00:59:04.720 --> 00:59:09.680
You all, you're going to end up in some really bad situations because there's a lot of people

842
00:59:09.680 --> 00:59:16.000
really unhealthy out there that we know very early on, Hey, this, this person's exhibiting

843
00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:22.560
these things, but if we don't ever want to set a boundary, then again, we're going to be giving to

844
00:59:22.560 --> 00:59:28.480
someone else, something that we need to reserve for ourself or to keep moving forward, just find

845
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:35.200
our spirit mate. And so one of the things I would say, this is going to be very easy for you, Tara.

846
00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:40.960
And it doesn't matter if he doesn't respond well or not, because that's not on you. Okay. You do

847
00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:46.000
like the way we talk about it in this community. Um, if you guys are in this kind of situation,

848
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:55.200
it is to bless and, um, move on. And if they re react instead of respond,

849
00:59:55.200 --> 00:59:59.600
then you bless and block and you move on. Okay. So.

850
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.000
The reality is that you have a high capacity for coaching, counseling, and helping.

851
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:07.640
You said that plainly.

852
01:00:07.640 --> 01:00:09.260
You know that about yourself.

853
01:00:09.260 --> 01:00:10.260
And that's not a bad thing.

854
01:00:10.260 --> 01:00:11.260
That's a gift.

855
01:00:11.260 --> 01:00:13.480
But our gifts can get overextended.

856
01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:16.400
And what can happen is we can attract takers.

857
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:20.400
You said this guy shared very deep things very fast about his past.

858
01:00:20.400 --> 01:00:21.920
And we understand why.

859
01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:23.200
Why do we understand that?

860
01:00:23.200 --> 01:00:26.720
Because we're compassionate people.

861
01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:30.160
People that are empathetic and compassionate and feelers.

862
01:00:30.160 --> 01:00:31.160
And we sympathize.

863
01:00:31.160 --> 01:00:33.720
Yeah, of course we can recognize.

864
01:00:33.720 --> 01:00:36.280
He might be trying to make sure I'm not going to run.

865
01:00:36.280 --> 01:00:41.640
But he also probably hasn't had the coaching just like you guys will receive later in the

866
01:00:41.640 --> 01:00:42.640
group.

867
01:00:42.640 --> 01:00:46.960
Some of you have gotten some of that, a taste of that in Modern Dating Sucks Book Club.

868
01:00:46.960 --> 01:00:51.480
But you're going to get a whole additional layer of all of that.

869
01:00:51.480 --> 01:00:58.240
Where we teach people how to pace, how to be healthy, how to track and ask other people

870
01:00:58.240 --> 01:00:59.680
to be healthy with us.

871
01:00:59.680 --> 01:01:03.660
And if they can't, well, that's something you need to pay attention to.

872
01:01:03.660 --> 01:01:08.980
But in this guy's case, I'm already sensing and like, yeah, lots of unhealthy.

873
01:01:08.980 --> 01:01:10.320
So here's what I'm going to give you.

874
01:01:10.320 --> 01:01:12.880
I'm going to give you a verbiage.

875
01:01:12.880 --> 01:01:17.320
It's been really nice getting to know you, but I actually am in this heart healing process

876
01:01:17.320 --> 01:01:19.060
right now.

877
01:01:19.140 --> 01:01:23.980
And God is telling me, I just need to focus on that right now.

878
01:01:23.980 --> 01:01:25.860
So I really bless you.

879
01:01:25.860 --> 01:01:29.740
And I wish you the best, period.

880
01:01:29.740 --> 01:01:37.940
Ladies, we don't owe people more of an explanation than that, especially this early on.

881
01:01:37.940 --> 01:01:38.940
Okay.

882
01:01:38.940 --> 01:01:43.380
Now, for all of you that are on here with us, please, please, I implore you.

883
01:01:43.380 --> 01:01:46.980
Now we can't make you, I can't make you do anything, okay?

884
01:01:47.220 --> 01:01:53.740
I'm imploring you to not date right now, to not be on the apps, to not miss and get distracted.

885
01:01:53.740 --> 01:01:57.660
Because again, you could get down the road with people and not even realize it.

886
01:01:57.660 --> 01:02:00.420
And it could take away from your experience here.

887
01:02:00.420 --> 01:02:03.020
So Tara, I'm so glad you shared tonight.

888
01:02:03.020 --> 01:02:06.500
And you asked that question, not just for the reason of this kind of getting talked

889
01:02:06.500 --> 01:02:10.900
about with everyone, but also so that you can learn, you know, some of these tactics

890
01:02:10.900 --> 01:02:15.700
of the enemy, you know, he's going to probably, you know, even in the past, what you've been

891
01:02:15.700 --> 01:02:19.300
through, he sent you some takers, right?

892
01:02:19.300 --> 01:02:21.580
And he's trying to send you the same thing.

893
01:02:21.580 --> 01:02:26.060
So praise the Lord, you're catching on, you're recognizing it, but go ahead and finish out

894
01:02:26.060 --> 01:02:29.940
your heart work course, finish it all the way before you try to step into that.

895
01:02:29.940 --> 01:02:33.020
And the ladies in the next phase, they're going to, they're going to teach you how to

896
01:02:33.020 --> 01:02:38.420
step into it and really navigate it with a lot of like tools to help you.

897
01:02:38.420 --> 01:02:39.420
Okay.

898
01:02:39.420 --> 01:02:40.420
I really appreciate your advice.

899
01:02:40.420 --> 01:02:43.620
And lady, just so y'all know, I didn't intentionally rebel.

900
01:02:43.620 --> 01:02:49.460
I totally like, I'm so at the end of this phase that I wasn't even, I wouldn't even

901
01:02:49.460 --> 01:02:50.460
thinking about.

902
01:02:50.460 --> 01:02:52.420
You're not the rebelling type, Tara.

903
01:02:52.420 --> 01:02:53.420
Right.

904
01:02:53.420 --> 01:02:55.260
15 years, I haven't dated people.

905
01:02:55.260 --> 01:02:59.060
It's hard to get me to do anything on these apps.

906
01:02:59.060 --> 01:03:04.900
But I hear you and it's just, I love not having to be nice and I can just, yep.

907
01:03:04.900 --> 01:03:05.900
Yeah.

908
01:03:05.900 --> 01:03:06.900
And you're still being nice.

909
01:03:06.900 --> 01:03:08.900
I think that's important for you to hear.

910
01:03:08.900 --> 01:03:13.380
You're just being nice and you're being nice to him in the way you're communicating it.

911
01:03:14.140 --> 01:03:17.860
But number two, you're also being kind to yourself.

912
01:03:17.860 --> 01:03:18.860
That's right.

913
01:03:18.860 --> 01:03:19.860
Amen.

914
01:03:19.860 --> 01:03:20.860
Yes.

915
01:03:20.860 --> 01:03:21.860
Great share.

916
01:03:21.860 --> 01:03:22.860
Thank you so much.

917
01:03:22.860 --> 01:03:23.860
Lisa, go ahead.

918
01:03:23.860 --> 01:03:24.860
Hi.

919
01:03:24.860 --> 01:03:25.860
Yeah.

920
01:03:25.860 --> 01:03:32.540
I realized when I went into the break room that I was, I was confused about the liar,

921
01:03:32.540 --> 01:03:34.060
the puzzle and the pretender.

922
01:03:34.060 --> 01:03:40.580
And I think you named off one more, but I did take a picture of the, of Joy, how she

923
01:03:40.580 --> 01:03:43.220
wrote down the seven lies.

924
01:03:44.060 --> 01:03:47.420
And so I think I found what I was trying to talk about in there by looking at that.

925
01:03:47.420 --> 01:03:49.420
And I wanted to kind of clarify it with you.

926
01:03:49.420 --> 01:03:55.780
So one of the things that came up for me when you were talking is you were talking about

927
01:03:55.780 --> 01:04:00.220
how some people put other people first all the time.

928
01:04:00.220 --> 01:04:06.260
And I, that really like, I was like, oh yeah, that is me, you know?

929
01:04:06.260 --> 01:04:09.740
And so I think that falls under orphan mentality.

930
01:04:09.740 --> 01:04:10.740
Is that right?

931
01:04:10.740 --> 01:04:11.740
It does.

932
01:04:11.740 --> 01:04:12.740
Okay.

933
01:04:12.740 --> 01:04:13.740
So I'm going to actually, I'm going to look for something real quick.

934
01:04:13.740 --> 01:04:18.740
I want to grab something that I did the other night that I think will be really helpful

935
01:04:18.740 --> 01:04:20.420
for you.

936
01:04:20.420 --> 01:04:22.100
All right.

937
01:04:22.100 --> 01:04:26.340
So this partners with the fixed book.

938
01:04:26.340 --> 01:04:28.700
Oh, okay.

939
01:04:28.700 --> 01:04:32.940
That's the counterfeit identity that partners with what you're talking about.

940
01:04:32.940 --> 01:04:39.780
And the wound underneath of that typically is I'm only valuable when I'm needed.

941
01:04:40.580 --> 01:04:43.060
Oh, wow.

942
01:04:43.060 --> 01:04:50.340
And we tend to attract people that need rescuing, including friends, you all, and other people.

943
01:04:50.340 --> 01:04:55.340
And you know, being in ministry, you all, you know, I've always been available to help

944
01:04:55.340 --> 01:05:00.020
people on many levels, but years ago, I have a real call in my life to

945
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.240
develop leaders, and to raise people up, to see golden people and call that out.

946
01:05:05.240 --> 01:05:12.440
One of the things God had to teach me was to match the effort of someone else.

947
01:05:12.440 --> 01:05:17.120
If someone is saying they want to change, but they're not doing anything to change,

948
01:05:17.120 --> 01:05:22.560
I can love them. I can pray for them. But God has not called me to spend a lot

949
01:05:22.560 --> 01:05:27.040
of time with them. My time is valuable. And see, there's a lot of Christians

950
01:05:27.040 --> 01:05:31.600
that might feel like, ooh, that's not very kind. You should love everybody.

951
01:05:31.600 --> 01:05:35.640
You should spend time with everybody. No, I don't think that's wise.

952
01:05:35.640 --> 01:05:42.600
Did Jesus spend time with everybody? No. He spent time with 12.

953
01:05:42.600 --> 01:05:46.480
And I can learn from him. So I would say to you, you know,

954
01:05:46.480 --> 01:05:52.000
as you're, like, kind of working through this, like, throughout your life,

955
01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:58.320
how many times have you believed the lie that you're only valuable when you can do

956
01:05:58.320 --> 01:06:04.720
something for someone? Or, you know, you're putting yourself last because

957
01:06:04.720 --> 01:06:09.600
someone else needs something. And that can even be financial, ladies.

958
01:06:12.400 --> 01:06:15.520
Yeah. So much is coming up for me right now.

959
01:06:15.520 --> 01:06:19.160
Go ahead. Yeah. So it's interesting.

960
01:06:19.160 --> 01:06:25.080
I don't think I've been consciously aware of that. But one thing that is so fascinating as

961
01:06:25.080 --> 01:06:30.840
you're talking, I just feel like God is really helping me right now because, okay, so I do coach

962
01:06:30.840 --> 01:06:36.680
people. I haven't completely, I've soft launched my coaching business. And there's two people in

963
01:06:36.680 --> 01:06:43.720
my life that I've known for over 30 years, who are pretty much staying in a cycle and not ever

964
01:06:43.720 --> 01:06:50.440
breaking out. And one of them I have coached. She's paid me to coach her. She was actually one

965
01:06:50.440 --> 01:06:56.200
of my, for part of our certification, we had to coach six people. And one of the people I'm

966
01:06:56.200 --> 01:07:00.920
talking about was somebody I coached. And then she came back to me later and said, Lisa, that

967
01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:06.360
helped me so much. Can I hire you for like 10 sessions? And so I coached her. Yeah. And then

968
01:07:06.360 --> 01:07:11.800
she added on more. And then that kind of ended in like January. But what happened was the last time

969
01:07:11.800 --> 01:07:17.160
I saw her is I said, I said, you know, I have to like, you know, I said, how are you doing with

970
01:07:17.160 --> 01:07:22.680
the homework? And because I always give follow up homework after the session. And she's like,

971
01:07:22.680 --> 01:07:27.080
oh, what, like, she didn't remember what the homework was. And I'd kind of seen that she'd

972
01:07:27.080 --> 01:07:32.360
been petering off the last few sessions and not really applying herself. And I think that she,

973
01:07:33.160 --> 01:07:38.040
anyway, it doesn't really matter. But I told her because I was starting to feel like I'm putting

974
01:07:38.040 --> 01:07:43.240
a lot into this. And it's really like, I literally told her, I didn't say the part that I'm putting

975
01:07:43.240 --> 01:07:47.480
a lot into this, but I said, you know, I just want to tell you, like, if you don't do your

976
01:07:47.480 --> 01:07:53.160
homework and you don't apply yourself, I said, we're just going to keep going in circles. And

977
01:07:53.160 --> 01:07:59.880
this is not going to, we're just wasting our time. Yeah. All right. So that was a really

978
01:08:00.200 --> 01:08:06.680
bad dream. Yeah. But here's the other thing. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.

979
01:08:08.040 --> 01:08:11.160
Well, so what happened? So it was really interesting. She didn't say anything to me.

980
01:08:11.160 --> 01:08:14.440
I actually, I think I really kind of surprised her because I don't think she's used to me

981
01:08:14.440 --> 01:08:20.359
talking like that. And, um, I didn't feel bad. I really didn't. I felt like I've just like, I'm,

982
01:08:20.359 --> 01:08:25.000
you know, I'm, I'm kind of done over here, you know, like you can't keep going this way.

983
01:08:25.080 --> 01:08:29.319
And so it kind of, you know, that's what I said, what I just said, but what's really

984
01:08:29.319 --> 01:08:34.600
interesting. So she has not reached out since, except for one time. And she was in Spain and

985
01:08:34.600 --> 01:08:38.359
asked me if I had time to talk, but I told her I was just getting ready to jump on my Bible study.

986
01:08:38.359 --> 01:08:42.359
And she's like, oh, okay. And that was like three months ago. And I still haven't heard from her.

987
01:08:42.359 --> 01:08:47.479
And this is really unlike her, but I've been kind of like, Hmm, do I reach out to her? Like

988
01:08:47.479 --> 01:08:51.319
I'm literally dog sitting right now, probably 20 minutes from her house. Normally I'd live like an

989
01:08:51.319 --> 01:08:55.720
hour and a half away from her. And so it's much easier, of course, if she's only 20 minutes away,

990
01:08:55.720 --> 01:09:00.439
but I am like, you know, I just don't really have it in me. I just, I don't, and I don't feel bad

991
01:09:00.439 --> 01:09:04.920
about it, but I do feel like I'm changing. And I have the same thing with another friend who

992
01:09:06.840 --> 01:09:11.080
she just, I don't know, there's just a whole nother issue with her. I've never coached her,

993
01:09:11.080 --> 01:09:15.000
but it's kind of like the same thing all the time. And it's like somebody who complains about

994
01:09:15.000 --> 01:09:20.600
something that doesn't want to do the work to change. And I am finding myself frustrated,

995
01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:25.000
but it's not my life. We're all like, we're on a journey. Sometimes we just want to talk and we

996
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:28.520
don't want to do anything about our thing ourselves. Right. But if you're going to grow,

997
01:09:28.520 --> 01:09:33.560
you, you have to apply yourself at some point. Right. Right. So I'm just coming to this place

998
01:09:33.560 --> 01:09:37.960
where like, I think I'm starting to feel like, okay, I've got boundaries now and it can feel a

999
01:09:37.960 --> 01:09:41.800
little weird. Like, you know, but when you said just now about season, I don't know, you didn't

1000
01:09:41.800 --> 01:09:46.920
say seasons, but sometimes God's just not calling you to be around those people as much. And that's

1001
01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:53.479
what I'm feeling. I'm feeling like a big shift in me. Yeah. Jackie says a lot. People come into

1002
01:09:53.479 --> 01:09:59.880
our life for seasons, reasons, and treasons. And y'all, it is so true.

1003
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.160
Okay, not not we're not meant to be friends with everybody forever

1004
01:10:04.680 --> 01:10:09.040
Maybe a couple people like I'm still, you know, really close with my best friend

1005
01:10:09.040 --> 01:10:15.560
I've known her my whole life literally, but we are even different now in our there's a different dynamic in our friendship now

1006
01:10:15.560 --> 01:10:19.160
And that's okay something. I really want to point out as well. Is that

1007
01:10:20.440 --> 01:10:25.240
It sounds like you set a healthy boundary and maybe she wasn't able to

1008
01:10:25.960 --> 01:10:28.920
Respond well to it and that's not on you

1009
01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:36.120
It sounds like God is leading you to different place and it you know her calling from Spain and you weren't a bit unavailable

1010
01:10:36.120 --> 01:10:41.520
That's not a bad thing, you know, and that's not on you if that created something going on in her

1011
01:10:41.520 --> 01:10:47.940
So you keep moving forward and if God leads her to come back and say something and circle back cool

1012
01:10:48.080 --> 01:10:52.440
But if not, like it sounds like you're just getting clarity on you know

1013
01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:57.880
As a even in these sessions, you know, I don't own your all's heart work. I

1014
01:10:58.640 --> 01:11:03.120
Pray for you. I coach you I encourage you all but it's up to you all to walk that out

1015
01:11:03.120 --> 01:11:09.640
It's not on me. And so if I ever start taking that on myself the man, that's that's a whole different thing, right?

1016
01:11:09.880 --> 01:11:16.760
But at the end of the day I can still coach but in one-on-one coaching. It's a whole different dynamic than group coaching, too

1017
01:11:17.760 --> 01:11:23.560
Because I am giving homework even different than I'm giving you all and I am gonna say hey, what did you do with that?

1018
01:11:23.560 --> 01:11:27.600
I'm gonna do the same things you did and if I see that they're starting to get into an unhealthy pattern

1019
01:11:27.600 --> 01:11:30.760
I also would mention that so it sounds like you've done a really great job

1020
01:11:31.080 --> 01:11:35.440
But it sounds like God is also trying to give you some clarity on you know

1021
01:11:35.440 --> 01:11:39.960
this where the value where are you getting the value for yourself from and

1022
01:11:40.840 --> 01:11:46.640
Not feeling like you have to fix that situation or that dynamic and it's really good that you don't feel guilt

1023
01:11:46.640 --> 01:11:49.440
I think that's awesome. So I appreciate you sharing that

1024
01:11:50.640 --> 01:11:54.440
Yeah, I did have one last thing Bethany when I was in the breakout room

1025
01:11:55.120 --> 01:11:57.920
The thing that I noticed in general

1026
01:11:58.640 --> 01:12:05.640
Is that I'm always typically first like if somebody you know reaches out to do something

1027
01:12:05.640 --> 01:12:08.280
I'll look at my schedule and if it's available, I'm always saying sure

1028
01:12:08.640 --> 01:12:15.800
Yes, yes, yes, I'm available and putting people first and I recognized one time recently I was with a friend and

1029
01:12:16.320 --> 01:12:20.400
She was kind of putting herself first and I initially I hadn't seen her for a long time

1030
01:12:20.400 --> 01:12:23.760
And I I remember thinking wow, that seems so selfish of her

1031
01:12:24.280 --> 01:12:29.440
it's a bit herself first and so I think it's just because I I

1032
01:12:30.560 --> 01:12:33.920
Just have whatever thought I had about that. Obviously, you know what I mean?

1033
01:12:33.920 --> 01:12:40.560
But I am realizing now that when I get asked to do something if my immediate response is like, oh my gosh

1034
01:12:40.560 --> 01:12:44.080
No, I do not have the bandwidth for this or like if I have that kind of reaction

1035
01:12:44.080 --> 01:12:50.600
I'm listening to myself now and saying okay, you know what you're not you don't have it in you don't do it. Yeah

1036
01:12:51.080 --> 01:12:54.560
Yeah, well, I would encourage you to explore that example though

1037
01:12:54.880 --> 01:13:02.040
Because I think God wants to show you really underneath the surface what's leading you to believe that what she did was selfish

1038
01:13:02.200 --> 01:13:07.640
I think there's that's there's a reason that's coming up tonight, you know, so look at that with the Lord

1039
01:13:07.640 --> 01:13:13.400
I think it's really good that you're seeing that it's okay to put yourself first and it was okay for her to put herself

1040
01:13:13.400 --> 01:13:14.680
first too

1041
01:13:14.680 --> 01:13:16.680
But when we you know

1042
01:13:16.760 --> 01:13:23.840
Again, there must be something in you that kind of got ruffled for you to think. Well, that's really selfish. I

1043
01:13:24.880 --> 01:13:28.160
Think too. It's because my mom always put everybody first

1044
01:13:28.160 --> 01:13:33.160
She still does to this day that came up in the one-on-one or the breakout. Yeah

1045
01:13:34.160 --> 01:13:37.640
yeah, and so maybe I just all check with God about it, but I'm

1046
01:13:38.160 --> 01:13:44.960
I'm kind of curious if maybe that's where it's coming from because I never saw it modeled. Okay, that's a really great start Lisa

1047
01:13:44.960 --> 01:13:48.000
Let us know how it goes. Okay? Okay. Thank you

1048
01:13:48.640 --> 01:13:50.640
So go ahead

1049
01:13:51.720 --> 01:13:53.880
Hi, I just want to say um

1050
01:13:54.560 --> 01:13:59.880
My name is soul I'm out of Arkansas and I just wanted to push past my

1051
01:14:00.600 --> 01:14:05.320
fears of being seen being heard being insignificant

1052
01:14:06.560 --> 01:14:10.560
Being too much or not enough. And so I just wanted to participate

1053
01:14:10.840 --> 01:14:15.280
I see other people participating and I want to get a little more to this. I'm tired of

1054
01:14:16.120 --> 01:14:23.320
doing the same thing getting the same results about being heartbroken and all different kinds of ways and

1055
01:14:23.880 --> 01:14:31.560
I want to heal from grief and things like that and as soon as I am about to do something all of those flies come

1056
01:14:31.560 --> 01:14:32.640
and

1057
01:14:32.640 --> 01:14:38.200
Swarm around me and tell me things and all that basically just be quiet and don't

1058
01:14:39.280 --> 01:14:41.280
say nothing and

1059
01:14:44.640 --> 01:14:47.840
Yeah, basically that but I've been really practicing

1060
01:14:48.840 --> 01:14:53.760
Against passivity and people-pleasing and things like that not like

1061
01:14:54.480 --> 01:14:59.880
Not like being mean but being kind with boundaries is something that I've been trying to do

1062
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.880
That's so good, soul. You did it. Way to go. This is awesome. Yes. Look at the ladies cheering

1063
01:15:06.880 --> 01:15:11.680
you on. It's a big deal. And I'm so excited that you introduced yourself, that you got

1064
01:15:11.680 --> 01:15:18.600
out of your comfort zone and that you're warring against fear ultimately. And, uh, you know,

1065
01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:23.920
when we hear lies like be quiet, you know, just shut up and sit down, like all those

1066
01:15:23.920 --> 01:15:28.720
kinds of things. Even if we don't hear those audibly, sometimes we hear that internally.

1067
01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:32.760
That is when we want to press, we want to press into that and go in the opposite. So

1068
01:15:32.760 --> 01:15:38.080
we want to share. And you just did that really, really well tonight. You look amazing and

1069
01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:42.320
God loves you. And I'm so glad that you're on this journey with us. Um, I do want to

1070
01:15:42.320 --> 01:15:46.480
encourage you. Um, I want to ask a question just cause when you said you're, you know,

1071
01:15:46.480 --> 01:15:51.280
getting over grief, I just felt led to ask you if you're comfortable, anything that when

1072
01:15:51.280 --> 01:15:54.520
I ask you all, if you're not comfortable, guess what? You get the permission to say,

1073
01:15:54.520 --> 01:15:58.600
Hey, I'm not ready to share about that. And that's totally fine. Okay. So just so those

1074
01:15:58.600 --> 01:16:03.120
of you that are new, that's how I coach. Cause I, I'm not going to be one unless I really

1075
01:16:03.120 --> 01:16:07.320
feel like I need to go after something. Cause the Lord's really saying like, Hey, this is

1076
01:16:07.320 --> 01:16:12.920
really got her stuck. But my question for you is this, what is, what are you grieving

1077
01:16:12.920 --> 01:16:21.640
over? Um, like hopes and dreams that went with relationships and also, um, people who

1078
01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:27.800
passed away. That meant a lot to me. Okay. Do you want to share with us a recent one?

1079
01:16:28.840 --> 01:16:36.120
Um, well right now my elder, she's, um, sick with cancer and going through chemo and she

1080
01:16:36.120 --> 01:16:43.960
hasn't texted me today. So it scares me. Um, and it goes back to, well, her husband who

1081
01:16:43.960 --> 01:16:50.920
was a elder grandpa of mine, he passed away from cancer. And then my dad and just quite

1082
01:16:50.920 --> 01:17:01.560
a few people, um, in my life have, um, passed away, but I feel very grateful. Um, and was

1083
01:17:01.560 --> 01:17:08.200
able to be there for the people who passed away till sometimes their last breath. And,

1084
01:17:08.200 --> 01:17:14.840
um, I did everything I could. And so that's something that God gave me, um, relief and

1085
01:17:14.840 --> 01:17:21.320
peace about. It's just starting my life again. Like when my dad died, he, um, everything,

1086
01:17:21.320 --> 01:17:27.720
it was just, I didn't know how to live without him. I don't, I still don't know how to cook

1087
01:17:27.720 --> 01:17:32.840
without him. Um, I used to cook all the time. And so now I'm starting to try to get back

1088
01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:39.000
into cooking and like, everything's so scary to me. Like it's so overwhelming. It's like,

1089
01:17:39.000 --> 01:17:45.640
I never even cut a carrot before. So it's like that. You may want to invite a friend

1090
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:51.800
to come and join you in that journey. Okay. That's okay. Because it sounds like, you know,

1091
01:17:51.800 --> 01:17:58.520
that was something that brought the two of you connection joy. And so part of the healing

1092
01:17:58.520 --> 01:18:03.480
process might be on occasion doesn't mean all the time because you want to practice doing it

1093
01:18:03.480 --> 01:18:11.160
on your own too, but there might be some solace, if you will, in inviting someone to come over and

1094
01:18:11.160 --> 01:18:17.560
you guys make a meal together and just have a new experience when you're not by yourself,

1095
01:18:17.560 --> 01:18:25.400
that might help you kind of learn a new rhythm. Uh, what's that? That could be my activate play.

1096
01:18:25.400 --> 01:18:31.480
It could. Yes. You could go take a cooking class, you know, or go out and maybe two,

1097
01:18:31.480 --> 01:18:34.680
it could be changing the environment sometimes when you're trying to cook,

1098
01:18:35.320 --> 01:18:39.480
because if you did it in, you know, I don't know if you guys cooked in your home a lot or not,

1099
01:18:39.480 --> 01:18:44.920
but like when your dad was alive, but that can be a trip up for people because you're trying to

1100
01:18:44.920 --> 01:18:51.480
press past the memories in this space. So going outside of the space can create that change in

1101
01:18:51.480 --> 01:18:55.640
that shift too, and help us kind of get over some of that. It doesn't mean you're going to forget

1102
01:18:55.640 --> 01:19:00.680
either, you know, and, and there might be really beautiful ways that you can still kind of include

1103
01:19:00.680 --> 01:19:06.040
your dad in that, even though he's not here, maybe it's putting on a song that makes you think

1104
01:19:06.040 --> 01:19:11.720
of him. So you feel close to him still in that, if that's too sad for you, maybe don't do that

1105
01:19:11.720 --> 01:19:17.960
right now, but maybe in the future when you feel like, okay, I can play this song that makes me

1106
01:19:17.960 --> 01:19:22.840
think about him and not get too stuck in grief, but just kind of giving you some ideas for different

1107
01:19:22.840 --> 01:19:27.160
say like different parts of your journey. And then the other thing that I was going to say is

1108
01:19:27.960 --> 01:19:32.600
on the, you know, that you've lost a lot of people. I love how you're, you know, you have a

1109
01:19:32.600 --> 01:19:37.880
very positive perspective soul. And that's, that says a lot about you, you know, that you were able

1110
01:19:37.880 --> 01:19:44.520
to be there for them and all that. But I believe that God wants to change that storyline for you.

1111
01:19:44.520 --> 01:19:47.960
And I know that can be hard, especially when someone you love is sick right now,

1112
01:19:48.680 --> 01:19:55.320
but I don't, I want to encourage you to be aware and ask the Lord, if you have believed any lies,

1113
01:19:55.320 --> 01:19:57.960
I'm always going to lose everybody.

1114
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.760
or being afraid to love because love means I lose people.

1115
01:20:04.760 --> 01:20:08.040
And just really asking the Lord around those kind of topics

1116
01:20:08.040 --> 01:20:11.920
because we wanna help you heal in those areas

1117
01:20:11.920 --> 01:20:13.720
and come out of agreement with those lies.

1118
01:20:13.720 --> 01:20:17.600
Cause even all of us, like I've experienced loss in my life

1119
01:20:17.600 --> 01:20:21.200
but I have to know that good things come with love too.

1120
01:20:21.200 --> 01:20:24.600
You know, and sometimes when we experience a lot of loss

1121
01:20:24.600 --> 01:20:28.760
we can actually close off from whether we realize it or not

1122
01:20:28.760 --> 01:20:30.640
being able to receive the good.

1123
01:20:31.560 --> 01:20:33.000
Yeah, that makes sense.

1124
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:34.800
Yeah, thank you.

1125
01:20:34.800 --> 01:20:35.640
You're welcome.

1126
01:20:35.640 --> 01:20:38.000
Thanks so much for being here with us and for sharing.

1127
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:39.360
I look forward to getting to know you more

1128
01:20:39.360 --> 01:20:40.800
in the weeks ahead.

1129
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:41.640
Yeah, me too.

1130
01:20:41.640 --> 01:20:42.480
Thank you.

1131
01:20:42.480 --> 01:20:43.600
You're welcome.

1132
01:20:43.600 --> 01:20:45.360
Azan, do you wanna go?

1133
01:20:47.120 --> 01:20:49.920
I actually was gonna ask a question.

1134
01:20:49.920 --> 01:20:51.640
Yeah, go ahead.

1135
01:20:51.640 --> 01:20:56.640
Yeah, one was that I have the heart work on my Kindle

1136
01:20:56.840 --> 01:20:57.920
from years ago.

1137
01:20:57.920 --> 01:21:01.880
And I just wanted to know if the one that is downloaded

1138
01:21:01.880 --> 01:21:04.120
is that a revision or is it the same?

1139
01:21:05.880 --> 01:21:07.880
Well, I don't know how many years ago you did

1140
01:21:07.880 --> 01:21:10.160
but the one that's in the welcome section

1141
01:21:10.160 --> 01:21:13.120
of the last year single app, the ebook

1142
01:21:13.120 --> 01:21:15.280
that's the one you're gonna wanna make sure you're reading.

1143
01:21:15.280 --> 01:21:19.240
Cause on that, or even for example

1144
01:21:19.240 --> 01:21:21.000
on the instruction sheets, it's gonna say

1145
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:22.760
to read whatever the pages are.

1146
01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:25.560
And the pages that you're gonna wanna read

1147
01:21:25.560 --> 01:21:28.480
are in the ebook, but you can look at the ebook

1148
01:21:28.480 --> 01:21:30.760
to see what chapter they're in.

1149
01:21:30.760 --> 01:21:31.600
You know what I'm saying?

1150
01:21:31.600 --> 01:21:32.760
If you have a physical,

1151
01:21:32.760 --> 01:21:35.280
cause the Kindle might be matching up more

1152
01:21:35.280 --> 01:21:37.960
with the physical copy, I'm not really sure.

1153
01:21:37.960 --> 01:21:40.760
And so just make sure that you're kind of paying attention

1154
01:21:40.760 --> 01:21:43.320
to that, the instructions in the ebook

1155
01:21:43.320 --> 01:21:45.680
to make sure you're reading the right pages

1156
01:21:45.680 --> 01:21:48.680
to go with each week's coursework.

1157
01:21:48.680 --> 01:21:49.560
That makes sense?

1158
01:21:50.680 --> 01:21:52.480
And my other question was,

1159
01:21:53.480 --> 01:21:58.320
what was the one, the young lady you said?

1160
01:21:58.320 --> 01:22:00.040
Cause that resonated with me.

1161
01:22:00.040 --> 01:22:02.080
I was trying to put a word to what.

1162
01:22:02.080 --> 01:22:02.920
It's okay.

1163
01:22:02.920 --> 01:22:04.480
But I read, what was it?

1164
01:22:04.480 --> 01:22:05.520
Is it the track?

1165
01:22:06.520 --> 01:22:09.480
Oh, so the counterfeit identity

1166
01:22:09.480 --> 01:22:11.520
of the fixer tends to.

1167
01:22:11.520 --> 01:22:13.160
The fixer, that's it.

1168
01:22:13.160 --> 01:22:16.360
Yeah, the wound underneath the surface tends to be

1169
01:22:16.360 --> 01:22:17.920
I'm only valuable when I'm needed.

1170
01:22:17.920 --> 01:22:19.960
And there can be more, but that's one.

1171
01:22:20.080 --> 01:22:23.120
And we tend to attract people that need rescuing.

1172
01:22:23.120 --> 01:22:23.960
Yeah.

1173
01:22:23.960 --> 01:22:24.840
Yes, yes.

1174
01:22:24.840 --> 01:22:28.920
And I realized that comes from the fact

1175
01:22:28.920 --> 01:22:31.120
of how I've been raised.

1176
01:22:31.120 --> 01:22:34.000
I've always felt only loved

1177
01:22:34.000 --> 01:22:35.520
cause I'm even going through this now

1178
01:22:35.520 --> 01:22:37.960
cause I care for my 93 year old dad

1179
01:22:37.960 --> 01:22:40.520
and my sister who's 10 years older than me.

1180
01:22:40.520 --> 01:22:43.080
She gets to live her life, you know?

1181
01:22:43.080 --> 01:22:45.400
And not saying I don't want to do it,

1182
01:22:45.400 --> 01:22:49.000
but I'm like mostly the sole, yeah, the sole caregiver.

1183
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:51.600
So, and I've always felt like I always had,

1184
01:22:51.600 --> 01:22:52.840
she's always lived her life.

1185
01:22:52.840 --> 01:22:54.280
She does whatever she wants

1186
01:22:54.280 --> 01:22:56.280
and everybody just loves her and forgives her.

1187
01:22:56.280 --> 01:23:00.000
But I never get that unless I work for it.

1188
01:23:00.000 --> 01:23:01.000
So that's what made,

1189
01:23:01.000 --> 01:23:03.600
I just wanted to put a word into that.

1190
01:23:03.600 --> 01:23:05.120
So that's what it's called, the fixer.

1191
01:23:05.120 --> 01:23:07.080
Okay, that's what I wanted to.

1192
01:23:07.080 --> 01:23:07.960
Thank you.

1193
01:23:07.960 --> 01:23:08.800
You're welcome.

1194
01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:10.880
And one of the things in that position,

1195
01:23:10.880 --> 01:23:12.880
I just want to mention this for you or anyone else

1196
01:23:12.880 --> 01:23:17.240
that whether it's being a caregiver or other scenarios

1197
01:23:17.280 --> 01:23:21.120
where it kind of is like your sibling

1198
01:23:21.120 --> 01:23:23.680
or even some of you one day, your spouse,

1199
01:23:23.680 --> 01:23:25.720
they get to have more freedom than you.

1200
01:23:25.720 --> 01:23:28.680
Some moms and parents can feel like this sometimes,

1201
01:23:28.680 --> 01:23:30.520
you know, maybe in a prior relationship

1202
01:23:30.520 --> 01:23:32.160
or even just, you know,

1203
01:23:32.160 --> 01:23:34.080
other people get to have more fun than me.

1204
01:23:34.080 --> 01:23:36.320
Single moms tend to believe that, you know,

1205
01:23:36.320 --> 01:23:37.280
they just don't,

1206
01:23:37.280 --> 01:23:38.840
they don't get to do what other people do.

1207
01:23:38.840 --> 01:23:41.200
And to some degree that is true.

1208
01:23:41.200 --> 01:23:45.160
But sometimes what can happen is we partner with lies

1209
01:23:45.160 --> 01:23:46.800
and then, you know,

1210
01:23:46.800 --> 01:23:49.560
the Bible talks about being careful of the bitter root.

1211
01:23:50.560 --> 01:23:53.080
And so Zan, I'm not saying you're bitter towards your sister

1212
01:23:53.080 --> 01:23:53.920
but I do want to-

1213
01:23:53.920 --> 01:23:54.760
No, I am bitter.

1214
01:23:54.760 --> 01:23:55.760
I was getting ready to get to that.

1215
01:23:55.760 --> 01:23:56.600
I'm angry.

1216
01:23:56.600 --> 01:23:59.120
I'm very, I'm angry about a lot of stuff.

1217
01:23:59.120 --> 01:24:02.720
You know, I know, and that's why I'm in this program

1218
01:24:02.720 --> 01:24:05.040
because I know it's work that I need to do

1219
01:24:05.040 --> 01:24:07.160
but I couldn't put a word to it

1220
01:24:07.160 --> 01:24:09.800
and you kind of touched on it tonight.

1221
01:24:09.800 --> 01:24:11.680
And it's funny, I haven't even started mine.

1222
01:24:11.680 --> 01:24:13.560
I just joined last night.

1223
01:24:13.560 --> 01:24:15.640
I'm still in the instruction tab.

1224
01:24:15.640 --> 01:24:17.600
All right, well, you are right on time.

1225
01:24:17.600 --> 01:24:20.040
God's priming the pump for you, girl.

1226
01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:23.240
And, you know, one of the things that I really want to say

1227
01:24:23.240 --> 01:24:24.800
just to help you too,

1228
01:24:24.800 --> 01:24:26.160
and you'll read this in the book

1229
01:24:26.160 --> 01:24:29.560
and you'll hear about this in the course, excuse me.

1230
01:24:30.800 --> 01:24:32.880
Anger is hurt's bodyguard.

1231
01:24:32.880 --> 01:24:35.960
Okay, so I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself.

1232
01:24:35.960 --> 01:24:37.880
It sounds like you've been through a lot

1233
01:24:37.880 --> 01:24:40.120
and God is going to help you get to

1234
01:24:40.120 --> 01:24:42.480
what's underneath of that anger.

1235
01:24:43.440 --> 01:24:46.520
And where we can look at, okay,

1236
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:50.080
what even if what they're doing isn't healthy,

1237
01:24:50.080 --> 01:24:51.200
let's get to the root of

1238
01:24:51.200 --> 01:24:53.960
where did our heart lead us into bitterness?

1239
01:24:53.960 --> 01:24:56.480
You know, what were the lies we believed

1240
01:24:56.480 --> 01:24:58.880
that caused us to partner with that stuff?

1241
01:24:58.880 --> 01:25:00.280
And sometimes that can be.

1242
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.600
be really, really tough because sometimes we're continuing to live that stuff out, right?

1243
01:25:04.600 --> 01:25:07.880
It's not over, it's happening still.

1244
01:25:07.880 --> 01:25:15.240
But you know, I want to encourage you regarding your sister specifically, when is the first

1245
01:25:15.240 --> 01:25:21.000
time that you partnered with a lie that she gets to go live her life and I've got to work

1246
01:25:21.000 --> 01:25:22.000
for everything?

1247
01:25:22.000 --> 01:25:25.360
Because way even before your dad and the caregiving, it's-

1248
01:25:25.360 --> 01:25:27.040
All her life.

1249
01:25:27.040 --> 01:25:28.040
Yes.

1250
01:25:28.040 --> 01:25:32.240
My princess, she's the first grand, she's the first child.

1251
01:25:32.240 --> 01:25:35.200
She was the first child for 10 years, we're 10 years apart.

1252
01:25:35.200 --> 01:25:41.080
She was the first grandchild, she was the first aunt, I mean, niece, so she's spoiled.

1253
01:25:41.080 --> 01:25:47.120
And I mean, entitled her entire life and it's trickled on and she's like almost 70 years

1254
01:25:47.120 --> 01:25:48.120
old.

1255
01:25:48.120 --> 01:25:51.880
So now I was always the responsible one.

1256
01:25:51.880 --> 01:25:58.760
So I was elected, I mean, not even elected, I was groomed to do this.

1257
01:25:58.760 --> 01:25:59.760
You understand?

1258
01:25:59.760 --> 01:26:00.760
And I don't mind-

1259
01:26:00.760 --> 01:26:01.760
I do understand.

1260
01:26:01.760 --> 01:26:08.560
You know, I'm just very, very angry and I tend, it's even to the point like you was

1261
01:26:08.560 --> 01:26:13.600
telling the other lady about dating, I'm wondering if I'm ever going to want to date again.

1262
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:18.760
I've made up my mind that I don't want to date because it's always the woman is the

1263
01:26:18.760 --> 01:26:21.760
helper and I'm like, Lord, I don't want to help another man.

1264
01:26:21.760 --> 01:26:23.280
Nobody never helps me.

1265
01:26:23.280 --> 01:26:28.200
I'm always the one got to take care of everybody, got to give for everybody.

1266
01:26:28.200 --> 01:26:29.920
So I'm like, I don't even want to date.

1267
01:26:29.920 --> 01:26:33.400
I don't even know if I would be a good dater.

1268
01:26:33.400 --> 01:26:37.960
You might need more, yeah, you might need more healing and that's okay.

1269
01:26:37.960 --> 01:26:38.960
I do.

1270
01:26:38.960 --> 01:26:39.960
Yeah.

1271
01:26:39.960 --> 01:26:44.240
And here's the thing, I've had people, I just want to encourage you, I've had people exactly

1272
01:26:44.240 --> 01:26:49.160
where you are right now and they are in healthy relationships.

1273
01:26:49.160 --> 01:26:52.160
So it's never too late.

1274
01:26:52.160 --> 01:26:54.000
We're never too far gone.

1275
01:26:54.000 --> 01:26:55.000
Okay.

1276
01:26:55.000 --> 01:26:56.800
We can heal all of us.

1277
01:26:56.800 --> 01:26:59.080
We can learn how to forgive people.

1278
01:26:59.080 --> 01:27:02.920
We can learn how to view men from a healthier perspective.

1279
01:27:02.920 --> 01:27:06.840
We can learn how to not partner with the lie that we always have to help everybody and

1280
01:27:06.840 --> 01:27:08.520
we never get to have fun.

1281
01:27:08.520 --> 01:27:13.040
So this practice, playing and having fun is going to be really important for you, Zan.

1282
01:27:13.040 --> 01:27:14.040
It is.

1283
01:27:14.040 --> 01:27:17.120
And you're, you know, you might even hear the lie, I don't have time for that.

1284
01:27:17.120 --> 01:27:21.880
You know, come up really quick because the enemy doesn't want you to partner with fun.

1285
01:27:21.880 --> 01:27:26.060
He wants you to partner with the lie that you've got this yoke on you and you're never

1286
01:27:26.060 --> 01:27:30.840
going to get free from it because everybody else gets to party and have fun, but not me.

1287
01:27:30.840 --> 01:27:31.840
You know, and so-

1288
01:27:31.840 --> 01:27:35.320
Even my job is like stressful, like I can't even get out of that.

1289
01:27:35.320 --> 01:27:37.320
I'm like, can I get a transfer?

1290
01:27:37.320 --> 01:27:39.940
You know, it's just stress everywhere.

1291
01:27:39.940 --> 01:27:43.560
And when you mentioned fun, the first thing I thought about, and I think I am going to

1292
01:27:43.560 --> 01:27:44.560
go is Spider-Man.

1293
01:27:44.560 --> 01:27:45.560
I think I'm going to go see Spider-Man.

1294
01:27:45.560 --> 01:27:46.560
I love it.

1295
01:27:47.000 --> 01:27:48.000
Yeah.

1296
01:27:48.000 --> 01:27:49.000
Yeah.

1297
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:50.000
And okay.

1298
01:27:50.000 --> 01:27:55.120
So ladies, here's a key to don't just go have fun, document it, take a picture, put it in

1299
01:27:55.120 --> 01:27:56.120
the group.

1300
01:27:56.120 --> 01:27:59.160
We want to see you having fun because your fun is going to inspire someone else to go

1301
01:27:59.160 --> 01:28:00.500
do something fun.

1302
01:28:00.500 --> 01:28:03.880
It's really fun is contagious and it's really awesome.

1303
01:28:03.880 --> 01:28:09.280
And so ladies, when we do this and like for Zan, the one last thing, and I know you mentioned

1304
01:28:09.280 --> 01:28:13.720
all her life, but this is where it's really important in the heartwork process.

1305
01:28:13.720 --> 01:28:19.240
We want to ask the Lord, when is the first time that I believe the lie that my sister's

1306
01:28:19.240 --> 01:28:20.240
the princess?

1307
01:28:20.240 --> 01:28:21.240
She's spoiled.

1308
01:28:21.240 --> 01:28:22.240
She gets everything she wants.

1309
01:28:22.240 --> 01:28:25.400
She gets, and you don't have to answer right now because I do want you to take some time

1310
01:28:25.400 --> 01:28:26.760
to pray about it.

1311
01:28:26.760 --> 01:28:27.760
Okay.

1312
01:28:27.760 --> 01:28:31.880
Because the reason that you got like, we want the Lord, not just what you're, what you know

1313
01:28:31.880 --> 01:28:37.280
in your mind and you know a lot, but we want the Lord to reveal the first time.

1314
01:28:37.280 --> 01:28:43.040
And sometimes we're not sure if it's the first time, but we really want to pray into it because

1315
01:28:43.040 --> 01:28:45.000
we got to get to the root of the matter.

1316
01:28:45.000 --> 01:28:46.000
Okay.

1317
01:28:46.000 --> 01:28:47.000
True.

1318
01:28:47.000 --> 01:28:51.080
The first time that that happened, where you started partnering with it, any of us, myself

1319
01:28:51.080 --> 01:28:52.080
included.

1320
01:28:52.080 --> 01:28:55.360
You know, I have a lot of things that I went through too, that where the enemy wanted me

1321
01:28:55.360 --> 01:29:00.760
to partner with being bitter and angry and frustrated with people and even current things

1322
01:29:00.760 --> 01:29:01.760
that happen.

1323
01:29:01.760 --> 01:29:10.760
I mean, offense happens, ladies, brokenness happens, but we as daughters of the King,

1324
01:29:10.760 --> 01:29:17.360
as princesses ourselves, if we will learn how to give that to the Lord, allow him to

1325
01:29:17.360 --> 01:29:22.120
heal us, he can transform us and set us free.

1326
01:29:22.120 --> 01:29:23.520
And so Zan, we're praying for you.

1327
01:29:23.520 --> 01:29:28.800
And I wanted to tell you too, so long time ago, before I got married the first time,

1328
01:29:28.800 --> 01:29:30.760
my maiden name was Bullock.

1329
01:29:30.760 --> 01:29:34.240
And so it was really fun to see your name as Bullock on here too.

1330
01:29:34.240 --> 01:29:35.800
That's my maiden name too.

1331
01:29:35.800 --> 01:29:36.800
Yeah.

1332
01:29:36.800 --> 01:29:37.800
Thank you.

1333
01:29:37.800 --> 01:29:38.800
Yeah.

1334
01:29:38.800 --> 01:29:39.800
You're welcome.

1335
01:29:39.840 --> 01:29:44.840
You may see sometimes I use, cause I still use, I'm divorced, but I still use Everett

1336
01:29:44.840 --> 01:29:49.840
every now and then, or Bullock Everett, but yeah, my maiden name is Bullock, yeah.

1337
01:29:49.840 --> 01:29:50.840
Awesome.

1338
01:29:50.840 --> 01:29:51.840
Well, we have something in common.

1339
01:29:51.840 --> 01:29:53.640
That was really fun to see tonight.

1340
01:29:53.640 --> 01:29:55.560
Well, ladies, this has been amazing.

1341
01:29:55.560 --> 01:29:56.960
I'm praying for you.

1342
01:29:56.960 --> 01:29:58.440
I will see you all in the group.

1343
01:29:58.440 --> 01:30:00.000
Remember to check out that announcement.

1344
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.960
tab, that's going to have, I'm going to post it when I jump off here, that'll have your activation

1345
01:30:04.960 --> 01:30:09.680
explanations for this week. And then we'll be live again next Monday. Remember to join

1346
01:30:09.680 --> 01:30:17.040
prayer as often as you can, and we'll see you really soon. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.