There we go, all right, welcome ladies, it's so good to have you here.
It's July 28th, it's actually my oldest son's 17th birthday, I cannot believe I have a 17
year old.
So happy birthday to my 17 year old, he's my bonus kid, so, but he's mine, he's all
mine.
Yeah, it's July 28th, and so it is Love Story Accelerator, it's phase two, it is our live
coaching call, the 1pm Eastern session, I'm Karla Johnson, I'm one of your coaches here
at Last Year's Singles, if you haven't met me before, welcome, all right, I feel like
I kind of always give this little overview of who I am, so I don't want to take too
much time here, but I am a success story from Jackie's community here at Last Year's Singles,
I've been with her since 2020, was a student of hers as a single, met my husband, had the
privilege and honor of being asked to coach here, so I've been coaching for now almost,
it's been over two and a half, almost three years, and so it's been an awesome journey
to be able to pour back into this community, I think I say that every week, and it's definitely,
like I mean it, because it's just incredible to be part of this movement that Jackie's
obedient to, and David's obedient to, and just even all of you, all of you being obedient
to what God is calling you to do, and showing up, and stretching yourself, and you know
doing the hard work, because that takes participation, and that takes stretching, and that takes
surrender, and there are some days like it's not always easy, okay, and I know this because
I've walked it, you know, just like you all are, and so that's why this community is very
dear to my heart, and it's why I just I'm very blessed, and very humbled to get to walk this
journey with you ladies, so I appreciate y'all letting me be part of that process, so I won't go
too much into our theme today before, I will get into that shortly, but really wanted to discuss
some hope and discernment today, I really felt a tug since really the beginning of last week
that was being highlighted to me, and so I just really kept feeling that press to go there,
so that's kind of where I'm hoping this call will lead today, and that's where the coaching
content will hopefully come from, but if you weren't on earlier, my technology was not being
kind to me today, so I'm definitely relying on a lot of Holy Spirit today, but I always like to have
my outline and my notes, because y'all know I can talk, and my time can go really long, and so that
is always one thing I'm always trying to get better at, and so I felt like I was going to do that today,
and then everything happened, but I'm like nope, it's still going to happen today, outline,
perfected or not, so I appreciate your grace with me here, so just a couple housekeeping
things, I don't think I have any brand new ladies on, do I? I don't see anybody, I see Lisa, she's
joined us, and she's on camera, thank you, Gugu, she's here, good, because I just responded to you, I don't
know if you saw that, and then Audrey as well, all right, well if you're watching in replay,
we definitely want to welcome you if you're brand new, again I kind of just gave you a little bit
of introduction of myself, make sure that you're going through our resource tab and everything
like that, but definitely make sure you can get through these live calls, or at least make sure
you're watching in the replay, it's always really helpful, make sure that you're watching our content,
our teaching content as well, we don't want to really rush you through phase two, I know
when we get here, we kind of are at this point, we're like, well what do I do? It's not 100%
set up like phase one, where it had a book that went with it, where you felt like it was kind of like
sectioned off in a way, but it is very similar, so phase one is where you're going along with
the heart work material, you're processing and learning all that information, and you're doing
a lot of that inner healing, okay, and so you're just learning what that looks like.
All right, and walking it out in your heart.
OK, that's foundational.
That's important.
OK, there's a reason we put you in heartwork first.
And we tell you, don't date yet, OK?
And so once you feel confident in that heartwork piece
and you feel like, OK, I have an understanding of what
heartwork is, I've done some inner healing,
and God has highlighted to me some areas
that I need to work on.
Now I'm ready to go into phase two.
And now I'm going to really apply everything
I've learned in phase one to realize situations.
So while we have content and videos,
we want you watching one a week, we
bring you into this phase to kind of transition you slowly.
We want you to have a very good foundation of utilizing
what you learned in phase one.
Now that you're going to use it not just for your heart,
but how are you going to interact with others?
And ladies, this isn't just in dating.
I tell a lot of my ladies, you don't
have to rush into dating in this phase.
Some ladies are excited, and they're like, yes,
I get to date now.
And they're diving off the high dive into the deep end.
They're ready to go.
Some of us, myself included, was like, where's the kiddie pool?
Can I just put my toe in?
That's what I needed to do, OK?
And God has a journey for all of you.
And so I just want to make sure that you're not missing out
on something valuable in phase two, OK?
Phase two, I will strongly encourage,
do not move out of phase two within five to six weeks.
Stay here at least five to six weeks
and start putting things into practice.
I do have ladies that stay here longer,
and that is totally fine.
Some ladies want a little bit more of a,
they want to feel like they've got a little more support,
that they're able to walk this out more effectively
once they get to phase three.
Because phase three is going to be much bigger.
And yes, it's going to have a bigger community.
It's going to have the men and the women.
There's going to be all sorts of things there,
which is all great.
You're going to get lots of great things in phase three.
But keep in mind, phase three is always going to be there.
And it's really important that you don't rush through phase
one and you don't rush through phase two,
because we don't typically allow people to move back.
And we have people that ask to move back,
and sometimes they've made exceptions.
But they're really trying to get better
at not having to do that.
And so that's why I want to strongly encourage,
utilize this phase.
It's a bit of a smaller community.
And you've got myself and Ebony walking through applying
these hard work principles in all sorts of relationship
situations, whether it's dating, whether it's work,
whether it's family, whether it's your kids,
whether anything.
Because when you start applying it to your real life
and walking it out, God is going to start revealing
more areas of hard work that are going to surface.
And so we want to make sure that you have that support.
And so if we throw you into phase three too soon,
you might not get their support there,
but you also have a bigger community.
And so sometimes what happens is then
you have people that have been in there for years.
And again, just because we've all been through hard work,
everybody translates hard work a little bit differently.
Everybody's on a different journey with their hard work.
There are still some people, myself included at times,
where my hard work, I still need a little work on.
And so I could be looking through a completely different
lens, and that can inhibit how I look at situations.
That's why we have a couple coaches in each phase
and why we really want to focus on the coaches
leading the coaching questions,
where you ladies that are the members are giving encouragement.
And so when we have a bigger phase,
like phase three with hundreds more people,
sometimes that can create a little bit of an unsettling.
if you haven't spent enough time in phase one and two.
Okay.
Our encouragement is no, no,
like the minimum is being five to six weeks in phase two.
Okay.
All right.
I feel like I've talked myself out of that one.
All right.
I don't really have any announcements at the moment.
I think I just kind of went over like what helps us serve,
like what helps serve, serve this community well.
Again, if we miss one of your posts or your comments,
create a new post and tag us in it.
If we've coached you in your post and you replied to us,
that actually helps us know that you saw it.
Okay.
Cause I will go click through,
especially right before my Tuesday call.
So like Monday night or Tuesday morning,
I go and click on all the posts from the week
just to make sure that no one has added anything
and that I missed anything.
Now things can sometimes get overlooked.
Okay.
I'm human.
So if you've been waiting for a reply,
please, please, please don't hesitate.
One-on-one coaching,
make sure you're just checking out that resource tab.
If you want to set up a,
do you want to purchase an extra private
50-minute coaching session with one of our coaches?
That information is in the resource tab.
When we open the floor up for live coaching today,
I think I've shared this last week and the week before.
If I didn't get to your question last week,
I want to make sure that I get to your question this week.
I also know there were a couple ladies
that I was on the app today
that I was asking if they're here
or if they're going to be here,
let me know because I do want to unpack some things
with those ladies.
So if that was you, I think Gugu was one of them.
I think Tracy, you might've been one.
So if that was you,
please go ahead and notify me in the chat
so that I see that because you are the ladies
that I want to make sure we get first.
And then again, we'll try to make sure
that I get through this content quickly
so that we have a lot of time
to be able to unpack a lot of questions today.
And then I think the last couple weeks,
this has actually been really helpful for me.
If I could get a volunteer just to keep an eye on that chat
so that I can do my best to stay on task.
So do I have a volunteer that will help make sure
that I'm not missing anyone's important question
because I know some ladies are working
and can't always unmute
or maybe there's some like technical difficulty.
They don't know how to raise their avatar hand.
They don't know how to do something on Zoom.
So if you're helping watch that,
that's gonna be really, really helpful for me.
So if anyone is able to do that,
I would greatly appreciate that.
Don't everybody volunteer at once?
It's such a smaller group.
I know it's just that time of day, I get it.
But if you happen to recognize it,
please, please, please don't hesitate to interrupt me
and be like, hey, Carla,
there's lots going on in the chat.
Don't want you to miss it.
Okay, let me go ahead and open us up in prayer
and we will get started.
So Heavenly Father,
I just thank you for bringing us together again.
Lord, we are leaning on your Holy Spirit
to be present on this call today.
Lord, I ask that you just quiet any distraction
and just us to become very aware of your presence.
Help us to hear what it is that you want us to hear.
Lord, give us the humility to receive what it is
that you want us to receive.
The courage to obey those things
and just again, just the wisdom to recognize
what you want to invite each and every single person
on this call to.
We all are on different journeys,
but you can speak to each individual heart.
And so I ask that that presence be felt.
Lord, I thank you for the opportunity
of being your vessel.
Lord, help me steward that well.
Help me serve you well.
And as always, just thank you for that opportunity.
It allows me just to continue to show my gratitude
and offer my.
Thanks for all that you've done in me through this program and through so many
of the people in this community. And I thank you for that. So Lord, I just ask that you guide our
conversations and just allow every woman to hear everything that they need to hear.
And so teach us, show us, heal us, and grow us in Jesus name. Amen. Okay, we're going to celebrate
a little bit today. I am going to try to shorten this section because I did realize after the last
couple of weeks, I feel like that's where a majority of my time was being spent. And I would
look up and like, I've got to crush all this teaching. And I've spent all this time in this
celebrating the community, which I love. That's kind of one of the things I absolutely... Thank
you, Peggy. One of the things that is really on my heart, I really feel like that's important
that builds this community is that encouragement, is that celebration, is that
it helps us keep our eyes looking upwards. So that's always important to me. So
before we jump into the coaching, I definitely want to celebrate what I'm seeing
happen in the community. Because that is one of my favorite parts of preparing
for these calls, is reading through all of your posts. Because I actually get to witness
heartwork actually taking place and becoming part of your everyday life.
It moves past just watching it on a video, but seeing how it shows up in your life.
Like I see the actual transformation. And so that's really special to me. And I really
love being able to celebrate that with you ladies. I think it's helpful for you all to be
able to celebrate each other with that as well. So you're not learning the information anymore.
You're just learning to live it, right? You're learning to show up differently. Because you've
had the heartwork, now you're applying it with the real situations, the real conversations,
the real decisions, okay? Like the real life stuff, okay? Like the things that it's like as
much as we're like, we're not going to do this again. And it's like, oh, guess what? I'm doing
it again. Help me out here. And so I really, really, really like that part of preparing
for this call. And so I like to really make sure that we take time and do that. So there
were a couple stories, especially this week, that stood out to me. And so that's kind of where I'm
going to try to keep my focus on the celebrating so that we can move through quickly. I don't see
Lucy on the call, but if you had a moment to look at her post, I really appreciated her willingness
to share with us her process and her update because we got to see her approach discovery dating
with a lot of openness, with a lot of discernment. And one thing that I pulled from it that I thought
was a really good celebration and a good reminder for our community is that when y'all are meeting
people, it's very easy for us to get this tunnel vision of we're searching for someone who
follows Jesus, someone that doesn't have unhealthy patterns that are not toxic,
right? We want the certainty that that's what we're not getting into, right? And so sometimes
we think if their resume looks good, then that releases us from having to walk some of the pieces
of discovery dating out. And so I think when she shared what situation she was facing this week,
it was a really good reminder. And so I really want to celebrate that. And I really want us to,
I want to celebrate that. And then I want to kind of just touch on that briefly. So
just because someone has a testimony or biblical knowledge, and they can quote scripture,
that they may have a relationship with Jesus. There's a lot of people, and I know this,
this happened to me is that when Jackie opened this community up to men, because I was here in
2020, it was just women. And then she invited men in to this community. Like I thought, perfect.
I don't have to look far. I get to meet someone that already knows
this. And we do have success stories that were matched in this community. It's not
that it's impossible, but it's also a good reminder that just because someone
has walked through heartwork in our program doesn't remove the invitation to
practice discovery dating. We still want to continue to gather
information. Like every relationship, every dating situation, I want you to
practice that discovery dating. I want you to use discernment. I want you to
learn to trust God to lead more than just assumptions because that will get
clouded if we're like, I don't have to worry because they've already done
heartwork. Ladies, I think we all can sit and reflect and look at the mirror. We've
all been through heartwork. Does it mean that we don't have yellow flags? Okay, so
just because we have, you know, a community where yes, there are men here,
it doesn't mean it's going to make the process any easier. You still have to
follow the process, okay? There is always a process for the promise and so we
don't want you to get distracted by that. And so I really appreciated how Lucy
showed up with a guy that she said, she said he he's been through last year's
single before. And she was discerning and gathering information and she was
like really checking on like how he was showing up and how it was making her
feel. And I was really thankful that she was able to communicate that to us
because that was really helpful for me to be able to then coach her and ease
her mind. And so I want you ladies, if you haven't seen her post, please go and
check that out, okay? Another one that I recognize and I don't know if she's on
either, Nancy. Nancy had a great great post this week. She got introduced to a
gentleman to date. At first she was like, I don't know if he is Mormon or not. And
so maybe she's kind of like not as hopeful, but she still kept an open heart
and went on the date. And still was like, and then once she realized that he
wasn't, there was that hope that came back. But she didn't let the hope
completely blind discernment. She was then able to gather information, use
discernment. She used her voice and was able to communicate some boundaries and
then share with me some things that actually led me to to coach some extra
questions, which what I wanted to kind of help her. Let's, okay, you're gathering
this information. Let's see what this is helping you discern. And so I was able to
ask her more questions and I think I'm still waiting on her to reply to that. So
Nancy, if you see this, go back and revisit that. Make sure I want to make
sure that you saw that response. And if you have any questions, just let me know.
Amy, she also stepped out. She came out of hiding. Like she really took on, like
if you heard Jackie's Supernatural Saturday, that covering that God gives us.
And like she learned to trust that covering. Okay. She had a guy come over, I
think like, I don't know if it was like for cable or plumbing or something, like
some, some worker. And I think he was talking about like the Bible or
scripture. And she was just like, Hey, you know, anybody that, you know, is
single and is, you know, she just put it out there and she trusted God's covering
and she was able to embrace it instead of like shrinking back when she found out
like he was actually married. And so I really loved how she like didn't allow
that to make her lose hope. Like she didn't let that turn the hope off. She
discerned something, but it was like, okay, this isn't my guy, but I'm not
going to let that like completely diminish all hope. It just, now I get to
use the information to redirect my hope. And then Amanda and Kaylee both were
doing some amazing work this week and sharing.
in the app with us with several posts.
So when I was looking through all of the posts,
I couldn't help but spend time with the Lord
and sense this invitation and this question of
what if God, what if trusting God's covering
changes the way we practice both hope and discernment?
Like I said, I really felt God press on this idea
of hope and discernment.
And so that's really what I want to talk about today.
So one thing that I want, like one thing that,
one thought that I kept going back to,
it's just a simple thought
and you might want to write this down.
It's going to be repetitive.
I can also include it in my notes.
I'm sure I will.
Um, hope keeps your heart open.
Hope keeps your heart open.
Discernment keeps your eyes open.
And yeah, our heart, which is,
we're keeping our heart open, which is the hope.
Our heart doesn't have to blind us and blind our eyes.
Okay.
They're not working against each other.
They're actually working together.
So that when you work, when they work together,
it actually allows for us to really lean on
that certainty actually belongs to God,
which is what we've shared over the last couple of weeks.
I think it was a couple of weeks ago.
We really talked heavy about, you know, the certainty.
Are we wanting, you know,
certainty or we want clarification?
Are we trying to control an outcome?
Are we surrendering that to God?
And so I want us to make sure that if we're incorporating
and practicing hope and discernment
and not having them compete with each other,
but actually partner with each other,
it's a little bit less overwhelming
to release the certainty and outcome to God.
Okay.
So they're not on opposite sides of the room
where you have to like choose one or the other.
We actually want to combine both of them
because if I'm hopeful and I'm only picking up hope,
then you might be overlooking something.
Well, I'm going to remain hopeful
so I can't look at discernment.
I can't gather information
because then the information might tell me something
that I wasn't hoping for.
Okay.
And so I'm going to get ready and go into that
in a minute about really where we need to make sure
that we're defining hope correctly.
And so if we're only focusing on hope,
it could actually make us overlook something
that discernment might actually help us with.
And then if we're only looking at discernment
and all the information,
we might not actually be allowing ourselves to be hopeful.
That's easy to have, like that can happen.
So again, they're never designed to compete.
They're actually designed to work together.
So let's talk about hope real quick.
This is about biblical hope, not wishful thinking,
not the fantasizing.
I want to make sure that we get that really clear
and that we're not confusing it.
I was notorious for that.
I was a fantasize, like I would fantasize whatever,
like I was hopeful of what it would look like.
So then when it didn't look the way
that I thought it would look,
or I hoped it would look because it was wishful thinking
and it was fantasy,
I then wasn't actually partnering with discernment,
which would actually help build my hope.
Instead, it was like diminishing it.
Eloise, I'm checking your...
Okay.
Let's...
Let me take your question at the end of the teaching.
I don't want to lose that, okay?
But I also want us to get through, because we're at 12...
Well, it's 12.32 my time. It's 1.32 Eastern.
Okay, so hope isn't pretending everything is okay.
It's also not overlooking concerns, okay?
You can still be hopeful, and there could still be yellow flags.
Or you could see how things are not looking the way that, you know...
Like, it's not about having everything look the way that you hope it would look.
It's actually learning to hope that God has got this.
Does that make sense?
So, biblical hope is confident expectation in the character and faithfulness of God.
Not the wishful thinking, not the fantasy.
Hope is going to remind you that God is still writing your story.
He's the author of your love story,
which is one of those key things that we really talk about here at Last Year Single.
Like, release the pen, surrender the pen.
God's writing your love story, right?
He's the author.
That's what our hope gets rooted in, okay?
And otherwise, if it's rooted in all that fantasy and the wishful thinking,
then it could turn into being cynical, and then it could keep our hearts guarded.
And so, if we're remaining hopeful in God's character,
and that he's still writing our story, we're not going to be cynical.
Our heart is now going to soften instead of being guarded,
which is going to protect what you ladies have been working on in phase one,
in that heart work.
And it's going to continue to keep working through heart work,
because that doesn't stop, okay?
So, remember, hope keeps my heart open.
So, now let's talk about discernment,
because discernment has a different assignment, okay?
Discernment isn't suspicion.
Discernment isn't fear.
It isn't having to constantly look at something like,
oh, something's wrong.
Y'all, I have to frequently try to communicate this to my husband,
because I'm female, he's male, okay?
Men and women, masculine and feminine, are different, ladies.
And as you grow in your relationships, as you meet men,
you're going to realize men and women are different.
We communicate different, we think different,
we worship God different, we show up different,
because we're different.
And so, I am definitely someone who has a very strong gift of discernment.
I'm also feminine and a very emotional creature, okay?
So, when I am trying to utilize my discernment
and communicate to my husband what discernment God is revealing to me
about our kids or about some decisions that we have to make,
or like, hey, God's showing me this and God's showing me that,
and hey, let's hold back on that,
let's wait here.
My husband frequently will confuse it.
He's always like, well,
he always wants to assume I'm operating in fear.
And I do sometimes struggle with some fear.
I'm not denying that.
That is one area that I have to release frequently, okay?
But I have to remind my husband, like,
well, discernment doesn't mean I'm operating in fear.
It's not supposed to.
It's also me not looking for something wrong.
It's actually God giving me an ability to recognize wisdom, truth,
and what the Holy Spirit is trying to reveal
through information that He's showing me.
Okay?
So that's why we encourage you ladies to gather information
when you're discovery dating,
because that's going to help guide your discernment.
It's not coming from fear.
It's just saying, what is God showing me?
What is this information going to help me recognize?
What patterns do I notice?
How can I use this information to ask?
better questions. How is this information going to help me respond from a place of
wisdom and at a place of emotion? See often my husband thinks that it's fear
and emotion because again I am emotional so he wants to kind of join the two and
I'm like oh no that's not what that is. So I can understand the confusion and
this was just honestly revealed to me recently that I'm like oh like I just
wasn't communicating this effectively to him. And so that's why a lot of times
when I'm like hey something's going on with the kids we shouldn't make that
decision I think God's showing us like we need to be mindful of this because
this is where it can lead. And he's like well you're just being fearful you're
just assuming and I'm like no I'm just using information that I'm gathering
that God is helping me use to make decisions in wisdom and not emotion so
that we are in alignment with what God is trying to direct us to. Okay so
hopefully that helps clear that up. And so then that moves us along to that
certainty belonging to God. Okay so when we have that hope and that discernment
working together then it allows that balance of us really releasing the
outcomes and the certainty to God. And that's often where I think it's easy for
us to get stuck if we're not utilizing the hope and discernment effectively and
practically. Because the problem the problem isn't hope and it's not
discernment. It begins when we ask either one of them to give us the certainty.
When we're looking for hope to give us certainty or we're looking for
discernment to give us certainty. Because hope can't do that and neither can
discernment. That assignment belongs to God. Okay remember last week what what's
God's to carry and what's mine to carry? God is carrying the outcome. God's
carrying the certainty piece. What's ours to carry is to step faithfully in hope
because we're trusting him. To you know step faithfully in discernment because
we're gathering information. We are partnering with him. Takes our
participation. Okay and so when hope and discernment partner with God there's
participation there. It's the same thing as we're participating and partnering
with the hope and discernment. Okay hopefully that makes sense. So when we
ask let me just I think this this might this is where I do have a little bit of
notes on. When I ask hope to guarantee an outcome I'm gonna get disappointed.
Because remember it's because it's I hope this is gonna happen and if it
doesn't start showing up and I thought the hope was my certainty so when God is
showing up differently I'm gonna get disappointed. So I'm not asking hope to
give me the certainty and to guarantee the outcome. Also when I ask discernment
to eliminate all the unknowns okay I'm gonna get exhausted and then I'm not
gonna be able to have any hope because I'm I'm worn out. I'm sitting here trying
to think okay this is the information now what's it what's it telling me? What
decision is it telling me to make? God's like well that's not yours to decide.
You're just supposed to sit here. I'm showing you things now. Sit with this and
sit with me as I walk you through what's the next step. So neither one of
those is supposed to carry the weight. God is carrying that weight. And so it
brings me back to this is a verse that I think a lot of you will probably you
know recognize Proverbs 3 5 and 5 through 6. It's trusting the Lord with
all your heart and not leaning on your own understanding. It's submitting to Him.
Because He's going to make your path straight. He's going to highlight and
light your path and know what's your next step.
The promise isn't that God gives us certainty before we take the next step.
The promise is that He faithfully directs our path as we trust Him.
This past Sunday the the verse of you know God's Word is the lamp unto my feet.
and light into my path and something was revealed to me and I didn't realize it until this weekend
and I think this really does kind of connect to what we're sharing here today is if you
think back in biblical times those lamps they weren't electric we didn't have electricity
back then okay it's not like we flipped a light bulb on and it's illuminated everything
right when we were in the dark and we had to have a lamp we didn't we didn't see the
destination you couldn't see the full journey you didn't see the full path that lamp that
lantern only lit up a small portion for you to know where to take your next step so his
word and what he does for us is literally helps us direct us for that next faithful step he's not
showing us the whole destination it's not where our eyes are because when we start trying to see
that that's when we're trying to pick that up ourselves and so that is what I want you ladies
to capture as you're walking out discovery dating and not just discovery dating because
some of you I get like you might not be dating yet but in any of your relationships that you're
walking out whatever it is that God is highlighting to you I want you to remember that I want this
just to light up my next step so what does this practically look like so like Lucy this week we
were reminded that the testimony the biblical knowledge someone completing last year single
it doesn't remove that invitation to practice discovery dating she can remain hopeful while
continue gathering information because she's not gonna lead her let her confidence be in
the resume of the fact this guy has completed last year single her confidence is in the leadership
of God that he's guiding her okay so she was practicing that this week and then Nancy she
was showing us that hope and discernment don't compete she was able to use her voice and reflect
that honestly she remained open to what God was revealing she didn't feel any pressure to rush
towards certainty okay he wasn't like he was getting kind of touchy-feely with her and she
she was putting some boundaries up and then it was like okay is he listening to my boundaries
or not so now she gets to sit with that information and spend more time with the Lord and really
discern what what was that showing her what was happening inside of her so she now can take that
information just to decide what her next steps are or what her next action is or what her next
questions are to this guy if she wants to continue to get to know him or when she does what else is
she looking at what is she taking notice in if she goes on a second date with him she's using the
information she gathered in the first date to help guide her second date okay so on and so forth okay
so I want you ladies just I'm gonna close with this the goal of discovery dating isn't to figure
everything out quickly as possible I know we want to just rush through it I know we want to get to
that finish line we just want to be in that relationship that's gonna get us married and get
us you know what is that promise that God is is you know given us but what if the goal is learning
to walk so closely with God that we trust him with what we don't know yet what if that's actually
gonna help prepare you and equip you for what that promise is gonna where it's gonna place you
that purpose okay preparing you for what marriage will look like so that you can handle the capacity
of it so let's learn in this preparation period as we are discovery dating as we are taking what
we learn in heartwork and utilizing it in our relationships and let's practice using that to
walk closely with God and see that
how he is healing, revealing, and doing things in our hearts that is preparing us for that
promise that he has for us. So this week, when you find yourself wanting that certainty,
or you kind of lean into wanting to know, like, what's the outcome? What do I need to do to get
this outcome? All right. I want you to come back to that simple truth that hope keeps your heart
hope keeps your heart open. Discernment keeps your eyes open because the certainty belongs to God.
Okay. So I'll post our activation for the week. So this is, I'm going to briefly just share it.
Okay. And then I'll post it, um, later tonight after the, uh, eight o'clock call happens so
that those ladies that are not able to be here, they're not seeing the activation before the
coaching actually takes place. Um, I'm going to invite you ladies to intentionally practice both
hope and discernment in one real life situation. So that might be a date that might be during,
um, any conversation you have this week. Um, it might be while you're getting to know someone,
whether it's, you're getting to know someone that you're dating or whether it's, you're getting to
know someone brand new, whether it's a coworker at work or whether it's like a neighbor or someone
that, um, is new to your church or, um, new to your community. Like, you know, a friend that
you might want to start hanging out with, whatever that looks like. Okay. Um, you know, it could be
something completely different in your life. It doesn't have to necessarily be dating. Um, if you
are dating, definitely use it for that. And if you're not, don't feel like you can't do this
activation. Okay. And then, so when you choose that situation, I want you to ask yourself these
two questions. What does hope invite me to remain open to and what is discernment inviting me to pay
attention to and notice how they can exist together. And then I want you to come back
and I want you to share that reflection in the community this week. Okay. Cause I want to hear,
I want to hear what situation you were navigating. I want to hear like what helped,
helped you remain hopeful. Um, I want to notice, um, like what did you notice through your
discernment? Like what things got revealed to you and how practicing both might have
changed how you would approach the situation before. Okay. So that is done. I think I got
much quicker. So that's good. We've got a good solid 40, 45 minutes here probably to get through
some questions. I know I had a couple girls, um, that I asked specifically that I wanted to
unpack things with. So, um, if that was you go ahead and raise your avatar hand. Um,
what does discernment invite us to? Yeah. So what is that discernment inviting you to?
What information, like you're just like, that information is giving you something. So
now where does that go? And I'll again, I'll post my notes and I will, um, post the activation.
So keep your eyes out in the app for that. I do think that has been, um, really significantly
helpful for a lot of you. So I will continue to keep doing that. Um, so that we can allow more
time for these questions. Like I really never want to cut our questions short because I do
think we get a lot of teaching from y'all's questions too. Um, I know I ran both calls
last week and Holy Spirit totally showed up on the one o'clock call in that teaching
and in y'all's questions. I don't know if you got to watch the replay of the second one.
For me, it just, I feel like it didn't land as well on the eight o'clock teach, like the
teaching for the eight o'clock didn't land as well, but the questions at the end were great,
but it was so much longer. And so I was, I was like, Oh, like it reminded me how important our,
our coaching questions are at the end of the call. So I always want to make sure that we have time
for that. Okay. All right. So I've got Google, she's got her hand up, Tracy. I think, um, you
may not know how to raise your avatar hand. So if that is correct, just type in the chat. Um,
and then tell me if you know how to unmute.
yourself because if not I think I could probably help you unmute. Oh wait I think
I see your thing or I see something in the chat. Okay so if you just follow up
with me Google I'm gonna go ahead and have you unmute, share with us, just kind
of let's catch up and then anybody else have their have any questions? Laura I
think I touched based on your post from last week. Who else am I seeing that I
noticed? Susan okay Susan's got a question.
Cynthia I see you I'm curious how things are going with you. Amanda I've seen you
post a lot too I hope things are going well I'm seeing lots of growth in you
which has been awesome. Yalise is I don't know if I pronounced your name
correctly or not I apologize if I if I did I'm phonetically challenged. You had
a lot of great insight this week too in the app that I recall. All right those
are the ones that I just remember off the topic like off the top of my head.
There was a lot of really great things happen. Okay Google let's let's start
with you. All right let's unpack. Hi everyone thanks Carla. So I don't know
where to start but I met this guy on Hinge and what drew me to him was what
he was saying about Jesus and stuff so I matched with him and we started to chat
and very quickly moved to texting because I wasn't really spending that
much time on the app and I liked the conversation. One thing that I did
notice quite quickly was that he wasn't very keen on doing a video call and I
didn't want to push too much because I just gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I was like okay maybe he's not too comfortable and then I suggested about a
week of talking later that we meet for a coffee but he wanted to delay that as
well. Yeah and so just for the sake of time I want to just like this guy
started becoming really pushy and you were communicating boundaries very well
and what I noticed is he really like you were putting boundaries up and he he
wasn't respecting those and that so tell me what was happening with that like
what was happening in your heart when you when you saw that. So he started to
very it wasn't very aggressive in the beginning but started to expect me to
pretty much talk to him all the time let him know let him know where I was what I
was doing at all times and I found that very weird but I just thought maybe he's
a bit anxiously attached and I sort of understood that but it got to a point
where I would start feeling anxious about not being able to respond I'd be in
a meeting and he'd be texting me and I couldn't I won't respond and I'd have to
start explaining to him after the meeting why I wasn't responding to him while I was
at work so things like that and he wanted to do things for me that I thought were a
bit too much. Well didn't he ask you to like he wanted to meet up with your friends and
want to bring you flowers and wanted to get started at your church like yeah and
he's really trying to insert himself in there yeah and he wanted me to give him
my car so he can get it washed and just trying to come in much quicker and much
closer than what I was comfortable with and when I would communicate that he'd be very
offended and I'd have to explain to him that I'm a bit maybe I'm a bit slow when it
comes to this stuff but I'm not too comfortable doing that kind of stuff yeah. Yeah so yes like
what Cynthia like this is ladies this is when she was staying open and so like I love like
I thought she did a very nice job of still remaining open okay but she's also starting
to gather this information and she's starting
starting to now like recognize, okay, he's texting me frequently, he's getting anxious,
and if I can't answer him right away, then I start feeling like I have to explain myself.
And she starts feeling this pressure.
And he's now trying to just, he's not like, she's trying to communicate to him like, hey,
I'm at work.
I can't, you know, this is really uncomfortable for me.
He's not responding to her boundary.
He keeps pushing through it.
She's remaining open and thinking, okay, well, let's give him some benefit of the doubt here.
But now the information she's gathering is consistent.
Now she's seeing this is this is not happening.
And this is where I'm just like, now you've got you've got you got enough information.
Your discernment is kind of saying, all right, I'm done, right?
Yeah.
So, ladies, listen to that, okay?
I want you ladies to listen to that.
And this situation here, so this is what I really wanted to coach and unpack with you.
Because I think this is a really good experience and situation.
Ladies, this is where Bless and Block is helpful.
But before you do that, I want to make sure what information does he have about you?
Does he know where you work?
Does he know what church you go to?
What information does he have?
So he knows where I work, doesn't know the church I go to.
He couldn't find it on the internet.
It's not a very big church.
He knows the area where I stay, because it's not too far from his place.
Yeah, so that information he's got.
Okay, so how does he have that information?
How long have you guys been talking?
About a month now.
How many times have you seen him in person?
Twice.
Twice?
Yes.
Okay, before you met him in person, did he know where you worked and what church you
went to?
No.
Okay.
He didn't.
When did he find out that information?
On date one or date two?
So this was after date one, when we were just talking on the phone.
I think I was talking about traffic or something, so I told him where I worked, yeah.
Okay, that's where I want us to be cautious, okay?
You didn't mess anything up, but I want you to learn from this.
It's really important, ladies, that we're not oversharing information to someone we
still haven't really gotten to know yet, okay?
So that's super important, okay?
So that's going to help us guide you as to how you're going to start setting boundaries
with this guy, because I would say bless and block, however the block, I don't want that
to be extreme.
So I want you to be very firm in creating a boundary and saying, you know, whatever
his name is, just say, hey, I appreciate the time that we've spent getting to know each
other.
I am no longer interested in continuing this relationship.
I wish you all the best, but I'm going to move in a different direction.
You don't have to explain yourself, okay?
And then if he responds to you, I don't want you to feel like you have to immediately give
him a response back.
This is when, ladies, you get to utilize our community, okay?
This is when, you know, Ebony and myself want to be able to come alongside you so that
you're not walking this alone, okay?
This is not to scare you or anything like this, okay?
This is just to help you practice because this could help be helping you recognize some
areas of growth, and that's a good thing, okay?
You saw some areas where you did really well and that you're growing and you're utilizing
heart work.
You're recognizing you're not staying in this pattern of I have to keep responding to this
guy and keep explaining myself.
You caught that in less than a month, and you're coming to community and you're sharing
that.
Those are good things.
those are really positive growth areas, okay, where we want to make sure that we are being careful,
okay, and protecting our, you know, like this is this discernment, like now, now you're learning,
like you're collecting information. If I give my, you know, where I work too soon, or if they know
like what, what the name of the church I attend is, and they live close by,
why do they have access to me if I need to, you know, block them at some point?
Yeah. Okay. So I want you ladies to keep that in mind, especially on dates one through three.
Okay. You can still have conversation and, you know, tell them about like, you know, daily life
and like work and stuff like that. We're just not going to let them know exactly where we work,
exactly what we do. We're not giving them all the details. We're giving them just clips that
give them an idea or a summary, but they can't literally go take that information
and dig and find things out. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. Okay. So
how do you feel about, you know, communicating to him like, Hey, appreciate the time he sent
getting to know each other. I'm going to go ahead and move into a different direction
and I wish you the best of luck. Yeah, I think that's a, that's a good idea. I'll, I'll do it
like that. I'll just send him a text and let's start there. Yeah. And then if he responds, then
I'll come to the group. Yeah. I don't care if you have to post 10 different posts in a day.
Yeah. I don't care if you have to screenshot how he's responding. Like, um, we definitely
want to make sure that we're helping you through that process. And I think it will also
be a learning experience for the ladies in community as well, because I'm sure you're
not the only one that has done this. Y'all I did this. I had a guy that I met out one time,
like this is before heartwork. And he, he went to church, went to a church in my community. I
knew what church he went to. He knew what church I went to. Um, and because he talked about Jesus
and all these things, I thought, Oh, this, this, you know, and he's cute. I'm not going to lie.
He's cute ladies. Um, I know your situation. He was not very, um, honest about how he looked
because he was generating his, his, uh, AI generating his photos. But yeah, with this
guy that I dated, I was like, Oh, this guy's cute. He loves Jesus. He goes to church, all
this, those things. So, um, we exchanged numbers and set up a date and he insisted in coming and
picking me up my house. And so he let him pick me up. I thought like, that felt good. You know,
like how chivalrous I'm getting a man, like picking me up at my doorstep. I mean, it felt,
felt very romantic. Okay. And so I was like, okay. And so we go out on this date
and now I'm in his car and we go to a movie. We went to like, it was even a, it was a Christian,
like a Christian movie even in the theaters at the time. And I mean, this was years ago,
so I don't even remember what movie it was. Um, but ladies, he started getting really strange
and like my, like my Spidey sense was going off. Like I was getting very like uncomfortable.
Um, okay. See Laura, she might've jumped off already. Um, I was getting really uncomfortable.
And so, um, and then I'm sitting here thinking I got to get back in the car with this guy.
And then he started telling me about his last relationship and his ex girlfriend and how crazy
she was and they had issues drinking. And I'm sitting here like, oh my gosh, like,
please let him take me to my house. Like, please God, just don't let him take me somewhere else
because what am I going to do? And he drops me off at my house. And so I'm trying to do like
one of the side hugs in the, in the car, but still trying to be like nice and pleasant, you know?
Cause that was when I didn't know I was allowed to have boundaries and I couldn't like that
being kind sometimes is being firm. And so I start getting out of the car, like opening my door. And
then he starts getting out of his car on his side. And I'm like, oh my gosh, what's he going to do?
And like, he comes over and he's like, well, I want to give you an actual hug. And I'm like,
oh gosh, like I could not make it to my front door fast enough.
And then I finally get in my house and get my door unlocked.
I get it in my house and I lock the door and I'm like,
I need to turn my light on.
So if he tries to like, he knows exactly where I live.
And I'm like, what's going on here?
And then I'm like, no,
because then that might actually make him recognize my house
because I lived in like condos.
So they all look the same.
I'm like, maybe if I turn my light off, you won't remember.
And so, I mean, I had a roommate too at the time.
And so, but I remember, I like, I locked my bedroom door.
I locked every possible door in the house.
And at the time, like I had a therapist
and I was going to him and he was like,
no more letting guys pick you up
at your house on a first date.
He's like, no more.
And so, I have done it myself.
Okay, and you're God protected, you're God defended.
All right, you have this community.
That's why I want you to feel comfortable and confident
that we will walk you through this process.
And so, we just wanna make sure that we have eyes on that
and that you feel confident in putting that boundary up
and that you feel like if he's pushing that boundary,
you are able to do,
you're able to use that information
to discern what your next step is, okay?
Thanks, Carla, I'll do that.
You are welcome.
All right, Tracy, I'm gonna go with you
because I know I specifically asked you to jump on
and talk a little bit about yourself.
Yes, can you hear me?
Yes, I can.
How are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
I'll make this really quick.
I just wanted, the Lord from last week
has really wanted me to just engage,
to say hi and I put in the chat a little bit about myself
as far as I have not dated in five years
because I've had a lot of health issues, spinal injury
and I walk with a dropped foot.
I live in a small town and no one ever asked me for a date.
And so, I'm taking baby steps.
This first time I've ever even shared my photo.
I'm thinking about putting it on Facebook
so that I can figure out how to get into the dating apps.
Is that what y'all do is y'all go from Facebook, dating?
Yeah, I mean, some people do the apps,
some people, depending on where they live,
a lot of people even share with close family and friends
like, hey, I'm open to be.
Everybody around here knows.
Okay, good.
They've watched me go through a lot
and finally get to a place where I'm actually thinking
it might be possible that I could be in a relationship
with someone, but it would definitely have to be someone
that could handle a slower lifestyle.
Everybody's so fit and into exercising,
going places and things like that.
And it's kind of hard for me to do that.
I mean, I can go some, but I'm not sure
I can go some, but it usually watched me out
for a day or two.
Well, I think you are doing like amazing
by taking just that step.
Like, I happened to see your response before we jumped on
and I got excited because you were like
that I haven't shared this time,
but I feel God's kind of pressing me
to start engaging more.
And you, like God is highlighting that to you
and that's the step you're taking.
And so I don't want you to get to this place
where you have to feel like you have to pressure yourself
to this outcome.
You are walking with God.
God's writing your story.
You are partnering with him and he is going to
be that lamppost that's at your feet and lighten your path.
And so you're just gonna take one day at a time
and follow that piece.
Don't put the pressure on yourself.
Continue to stay rooted in that hope
and gathering information.
And we're here to walk this process through.
That's great.
I appreciate you, Karla.
You're an awesome coach.
And I was gonna ask, can we go to both classes on Tuesdays?
Yes, I actually-
Up to seven o'clock too?
I, you know what, ladies,
if you can make it to both calls,
I always encourage it because, you know,
there are like, Ebony and I,
like we are so like,
me and her still need to, while it's summer.
You were on it seven o'clock.
Yeah.
So she was traveling, but usually she does the evening one because she's a school teacher.
And then I have my kids. And so my evening afternoons are typically running my kids around
all their activities. And so it works out that way. But now it's summer. So she and I want to
do one joint together. And I don't know, I'm hoping we'll be able to do that before the
summer's over. But we teach from the same outline and content, but she's a different coach than I
am. And so that's the cool thing about all of us coaches is that we all don't coach the same
because not everyone learns the same. And so that's really helpful to get two different
perspectives. And so I like it when you ladies can go to both because you're going to hear the
information in two different ways. And then you're also going to hear different questions being asked
at the end of the call. And so that's really helpful. And that's why I even say, okay,
if you've made it to, let's say you make it to this call and you can't make it to the evenings.
So when you go watch replays, go watch the evening replay. You've already been to this one. Hopefully
you've taken some notes. And then you go watch the replay of the evening one that you might not
have been able to make it to, or go to both if you can go to both, or maybe you can only go to
the night one. Then hopefully ladies that are going to the evening call are watching the one
o'clock in replay. They're sort of getting the same content, but it's being delivered a little
bit differently. And then if you can't make it to either, really do your best to try to make
time to watch both if you can. That's always my encouragement. And I know it seems like
if you have time, again, you're partnering with God and God's going to highlight to you
what action you need to do and what he wants you to listen to and hear. So trust that as well.
So yeah, definitely go to night. Okay. You are welcome. Yes. Same. Hey, Susan, how are you?
Hi, I'm good. Good. My questions are pretty easy. I love it. I've been in here forever. I'm like,
okay, so when you match on apps and you start talking back and forth with a guy and then he
just stops responding, how long did you use to wait before you would just unmatch him?
I think it's like... Okay. So I use Facebook dating and I think I even use match.com.
I'm on Facebook dating. Yeah. Honestly, I don't remember unmatching people.
I just kept them in my inbox and if they didn't respond, I just left it there.
And then I just didn't respond to it because there wasn't a new message.
Yeah. Because I feel like they might have updated Facebook dating app from when I was dating. This
was some four years ago. But if you unmatch someone, does it remove the conversation?
No. Or yeah, it does. It clears them out. Yeah. I never wanted to remove the conversation
because there were times that I was having conversations and I might not have responded
to somebody. And then because I was a single mom, I was busy. So I didn't always have the time. And
then I'd go back and go through my thing and be like, oh my gosh, I never responded to him.
And then I'd go back and be like, hey, I apologize. And just say, hey, I apologize
that it seemed like I ghosted you. I had a lot going on. And then I might drop a hanky and be
like, so that we get off this app, do you have a free moment this week to either jump on a video
call or meet up for coffee? And then I throw that out there. And sometimes they wouldn't respond
because I waited too long to reply to them. And I understood that. I didn't take offense to that.
And I also just trusted that God knew who I needed to go out on a date with and who I didn't.
So if he was shutting the door, he was shutting the door. And I didn't even think twice about it.
And then there were some times where the guys are really understanding
and I would get a date out of it. So I never really unmatched people.
So I don't know if that helps or. Yeah, it does. I mean, I could just leave it. And like,
if he rejects what I do. But again, like be paying attention, like what's going on in
inside you. And if you recognize like that's making you more anxious or more focused,
hyper focused on something and that you think.
by unmatching them will actually help that like tendency to kind of focus there or
release that anxiousness, then do that. But for me, that was that not unmatching them worked for me.
Okay. Okay. Thanks. Okay. So now I have another question. Okay. Okay. So it's so weird because
I've been used to the apps for so long. But now I'm like really starting to meet a lot of guys
in person. Yeah. As I finally joined, like they opened this really nice, like upscale lifetime
fitness by my house. And yeah, and so now I go there every day and thank God it's all young
people because my other gym was like all old people. Well, there's a lot of young people,
I would say. Girl, I used to live in Florida. That was all I was surrounded. I was never
surrounded by people. Yeah. Never thought of Sarasota or something, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah.
That's funny. Yeah. So, um, it's funny. I met a guy at the pool. He was a guest. He doesn't
actually even go to that gym, but he was a guest of a girl. I think who's his neighbor.
She looked older. Like I wasn't getting the vibe that they liked each other at all.
Okay. And I was just in the pool chilling, like on a Saturday. And then they came in and they're
like playing volleyball. And then he kind of like asked me to join in. So like I join in
and the other girls left. And then him and I just like ended up talking for like 20 or 30 minutes
and like vibing. And he was sweet. And, um, then like, he's like, I'm going to go get a drink.
You want a drink? And I'm like, no, I'm okay. So then he went and he sat down by his, which,
I mean, I get it. Like they invited him. It would be rude for him to just like ditch them and just
talk to me the whole time. So I, um, I like waited to see if he'd come back like 15 minutes.
And then, um, he didn't and I was ready to leave. So I kind of got dressed and like caught his eye
from a distance and just like waved. And then he kind of like came out towards the exit and was
like, um, I don't have my phone on me, but, um, take my number down and text me or something.
And I'm like, okay. So then I text him, Hey, nice meeting you. He's like, nice meeting you too.
But then no one ever like reached out to each other. And now this morning I actually got a
message from him. It's been like six weeks. Um, so I don't know, like if you guys have an opinion
on something like that, but it was like, this is weird. I mean, again, I, I don't really ever
focus so much on the timing. Like I meet someone and like, if I don't hear from him for six weeks,
then I'm not going to sit there and try to super analyze it. And actually this is interesting
because it's, this is actually reminds me of one of the girls that was in our community.
I was actually just talking about her. I have a phone call with her on Friday to catch up with
her. She's now married. She was living in Orlando. We were both Florida girls in this program in this
community, and she's now married and living in Alabama. And, um, I was talking to my husband
about her because there's just, yeah, we, we have, we, we have a friendship. And, and what was
what I was telling my husband about, um, and reminding him of, cause my husband has not got
the best memory. And I'm like, remember, like, she's the one that this and that, and he's like,
oh, and I'm like, yeah, she's the one that she met her husband on. I think it was like a dating app
or something. They went on a date. He ended up, they got along, but they were on dating apps and
not exclusively dating each other. Like they were dating other people. He had happened to be dating
someone else at the time too, because again, this was level two, nothing serious. And that was,
he had another relationship that was progressing a little bit. And so he just came to that person,
to that girl and was like, Hey, um, I want to be straightforward with you. I've enjoyed my time
basically. And was like, however, I don't, I want to give this other person, um, my time and energy.
Cause I think that might be going somewhere, but this is not like, it was basically like,
it's like, this is not a dig at you. I just want to see where this goes.
I hope you're not offended sort of thing. And she didn't take any offense to it. She's like, okay.
And then like several months later, like, I think he might've reached back out to her or
she might've saw him something, or he might've responded to some social media that I don't
remember, but they reconnected and now they're married. So, I mean, like, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I don't like you might meet someone and they, it might not be that moment where you're
going to make that connection, but it might circle back and God might bring them back for
a season or a purpose or something like that.
I'm not saying that this guy is going to be your soul, your spirit.
it, mate, but we just don't know how God's going to use those people. And so if he messaged you
after six weeks, just be like, Oh, hey, it's good to hear from you. Yeah. And then just pick up the
conversation. Okay. I mean, that, that would be my, that's how I would handle it. Okay. Yeah.
I'll keep you. Thank you. I'll keep you guys posted. He's like a lot younger than me too.
So I'm like, Oh yeah, again, like you all ladies use all these opportunities as
discovery dating moments. Remember you're not sitting here filtering through these people.
Like, is he my husband? Is he not my husband? You are learning more about you. You're learning more
about others. You're learning more about what you like, what you don't like. Like that's important.
God is using this season to grow you. And so don't, don't get, don't get to that place where
you're like, well, I hoped it would look like this, but then it doesn't. Do you see what I'm
saying? Like, then we fall out of that partnership of hoping and discerning. Okay. So let's, I say,
just, just keep rolling with it each day as it comes. Okay. Yeah. And then like just another
30 second question, if it's okay. Yeah. You just let you guys say match people's energy. So like,
I met this other guy at the gym and I could tell he was like really attracted to me. Like from a
distance, he just kind of like smiled and waved and said like, hi, how are you? As he's like
working out with a trainer. And then like, uh, the trainer told me that he asked about me like
later. He's like, who was that? Then the next week I was there. Cause I'm like, yeah, he's like cute.
I'm really interested. And we exchanged numbers on Friday, but it's kind of weird. Cause he'll
text me and then like, he'll send like one or two texts and then he just like kind of disappears.
And I'm like, that's weird. And then I like ran in, he texts me yesterday at like three o'clock
that I ran into him at the gym at five. And he was like, Hey, give me a hug. And he's like,
so sweet and so friendly, but it's the weirdest thing. Cause he's a bad texter. Like then he
never texts me back from the text he sent me. And this is might be where again, ladies,
like some guys are just not great at texting. They just aren't. Um, and so sometimes it might
feel like you kind of have to take charge. And so you might have to kind of just
throw it out there. Like, Hey, let's go play pickleball. Let's go bolt. Like let's go grab
coffee, like something. And then, but you just don't want to continue to carry that. Like you
might have to be the one that initiated first to kind of let him know, like, Hey, I'd like to hang
out. And so just this random text every now and then, or this, Hey, I see you at the gym. Give me
a hug. No. Um, like, yeah. Then gather information from that. Yeah. I mean, cause granted, so we just
exchanged numbers on Friday. So it hasn't been that long. He asked me Saturday, like, how's your
weekend shaping up? And I don't know if that was his way of like asking me if I was, and I said,
all my, all my friends are like working or out of town. So I'm just having me time. And then he
disappeared until Monday. That might've been like, Oh, she just wants to spend time alone.
So I'm not going to ask her to do anything this weekend. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?
Keep the conversations open again. We're not, we, you don't need to rush anything.
Yeah. It's just let things naturally unfold. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Hey,
Cynthia, how are you? I've been thinking about you. Hi there. Let me see if I can switch my
video on. I hope you can hear me. I'm on this balcony. It's really loud. I can hear you.
Perfect. Busy street. Okay, great. Thank you. Yeah. I just, um, thank you for being interested.
Yeah. I just wanted to give you an update. So, um, uh, so we agreed that it took me,
that we were gonna, um, spend his six week school summer holiday together in, uh, Germany where I
live. So he's come over from Britain. Yeah. And then, um, the idea being that then in September,
when he goes back to work that I've got the months off to go, uh, to live near him. Uh,
and it's worked out really well with the accommodation. Uh, he's got an apartment
that's like literally two minutes from where I live and it's affordable because it's actually
belongs to a friend of mine who had to go away unexpectedly. And so it's top of her with the
rent and it's right in the center of Berlin. It's amazing. Um, look at that. Just does that.
How amazing is that? Yeah. And then it's really important to him to go to the gym and you don't
normally get like, um, a six week access to the gym. It's always like minimum six months or
whatever contract. And so when I started Googling it, I just found that one that's
So one of the really nice clubs, uh, gyms, um, I mean, quite posh, way too expensive.
Normally I would think to pay every month for a year, they were doing a special
offer just for six weeks over the summer.
And, uh, look at God, look at God, like favor.
That's just, I love it.
Yes.
And we've, we've both got these, these members, these six week membership.
We're going, uh, yeah, wellness area.
And so we'd go to the gym every day.
I love it.
Yeah.
But I feel like that's especially, I've got to wink at him because I'm
working quite a bit at the time.
Whereas he's then on his own in that time.
And so it's, it's really nice, uh, for him and he's, you know, going
shopping and cooking and all that kind of stuff.
So, um, we've had quite a few disagreements along the way.
Um, and that's going to happen and that's good.
You want to say that?
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
Ladies, that's, I want you to hear this ladies, just because once you find
someone and you're dating them exclusively, just because we've done
heartwork, doesn't mean that you're not going to have disagreements with your
future spouse or someone that you'll marry down the road, or someone that you
are in relationship with that may or may not be your spirit mate.
Y'all I've been married for now almost three years.
My husband and I get into disagreements.
We're different.
We're different human beings, right?
It's two becoming one.
And that is not easy.
Like it is a mature maturity process.
And so I love that you're getting to experience disagreements because now you
get to walk through and learn and how to navigate that because you're
going to have some bumps.
There's going to be things that will get highlighted in areas that you will
see, you will still work on healing individually that will get highlighted
those disagreements and he will see the same thing.
And so in this process, you'll be working on yourself, but you're also going to be
gathering information of how's he responding to this?
Are we working together as a team?
And are we growing together?
Are we both leaning on the Lord?
Even though it doesn't always look the same, doesn't.
I mean, there's times where I'm like, honey, God told me this.
And he's like, well, God didn't tell me that.
And I'm like, okay, well maybe, maybe you should pray a little longer.
And then like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, and then there's times like God like does end up telling me and I'm like,
oh, okay, I just heard you wrong.
But you know, like we work through disagreements and we're growing together
in Christ doesn't mean it's easy.
But yeah, that is going to happen.
So, um, ladies, Cynthia, for those of you that might be brand new to phase two, um,
she is an exclusive, uh, level three relationship.
Okay.
So she's been in that for about two years.
So this coaching will look a little different for her because she's spent
some time with this gentleman.
Okay.
So, and she and I've had some one-on-ones and she's, she's doing a fantastic job.
So, um, so that's good.
So you're having some disagreements.
Yeah.
Right.
We actually, we, we had disagreements, you know, throughout the two year
relationship at times, but I feel like at the moment, um, they're just little
things, little everyday things, but I feel like it's been better because that rather
than getting into like explosive arguments, it's more, um, a quick
disagreement.
And then we talked, managed to talk about it afterwards in a way that I've actually
found quite constructive because I'm kind of looking to how can we avoid this in the
future potentially, or how can I get to know you better so that I know not to do
that or not to respond in this way.
Cause you don't like that.
That annoys you, that triggers you or vice versa.
Yeah, that's good.
So I actually find that kind of quite helpful.
My underlying thing is, is still, I feel like a broken record to myself.
I don't talk about it to him all the time because I don't want to hurt him.
Yeah.
It's my, just my question, my big question mark.
Do I love him?
It's just like so fundamental.
And I think so simple.
I think, why would I not know?
Um, but it's like, yeah, go ahead.
Can I imagine spending the rest of my life with him?
And I just don't know.
And that stressed me out because I just think, oh, you know, ending it after all
this time and then this big commitment of time now and everybody back home, uh, you
know, at his church, at my church, kind of cheering you on and praying and, you
know, cause we've sort of made this move and we're spending all this time together.
It feels like, I think everyone thinks, oh yeah, great.
You know, a lot of people already thought we were engaged.
I said, no, no, no, no, no, we're not actually engaged yet.
So, yeah, you still got that question.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
So, this is what I'm going to, I'm going to prompt you with, okay?
I'm going to ask you this question back.
Okay.
Yeah.
That question, do I love him?
Do I actually love him?
What's it rooted in?
Is it rooted in fear?
You answered that question.
Does it give you a scary outcome or a pleasant outcome?
If it's something that scares you, that's coming from fear.
You're worried.
Okay.
There's anxiousness.
There's worry.
Like, how do I know?
Okay.
What?
So, if it's rooted in that, we need to go spend time with the Lord and unpack where did that
root get planted?
Like, where was that seed planted?
Okay.
So, if it's fear, like, if the outcome, it seems scary, why?
What, what, what am I, what is something that maybe happened that is allowing my body to
stay in this response, this fearful response and work through that?
I'm sorry.
When you say the outcome, you mean the outcome of the relationship or the outcome of that
question?
Do I love him?
That outcome of that question, does that not also kind of go with the outcome of what you're
going to decide?
That's true.
Yeah.
So, I mean, what's that, like, that outcome?
What's, is that question put fear in you and scare you what that could look like?
Or does it, that question bring you excitement and like joy and peace?
Like.
No, it brings me more fear.
Yeah.
So, that's where I think this is, this is more about, we've got to, I want you to start
practice, like, spending time with the Lord of really trying to get to that root of where
that fear came from.
Like, on the surface, yes, this is about the relationship.
This is about your relationship with him and where do you go?
But I think God is saying, that's the surface, that's the situation I'm bringing to you so
we go deeper and heal something underneath the surface.
So, pray about what is it that you need to maybe release or have courage to look at in
order to open up and see what God wants to show you about where that root of fear came
and heal.
Does that make sense?
I think so.
So, it's not.
Is there some resistance?
Is there some resistance there?
So, rooted in fear.
So, it's not looking, okay, what is it that I'm afraid of?
No, I guess it's partly that too, right?
Um, okay.
Let's, okay, I'm feeling, I'm wondering if we, if I explain it this way.
I don't want you looking at this question as a question to be like, there's a right
or no answer.
It's more of a question that opens your mind up to start the process of working, like having
a conversation with God.
You're not, you're not being given an answer.
So, you're given a one or two sentence statement of this is the answer, okay?
This is a deeper, let me, let me really now kind of really connect and it's more of a
relational question.
question, like where you're having that relationship with the Lord, with Jesus, and like, help
me understand myself.
Where were you?
Where was I?
What was this look like?
Where does this, you know, like have him help take you through that memory, that process?
What surfaces?
Again, you're not going to control this.
This is a release of control too.
I think you're, you're holding on to like wanting just to have the outcome.
You want that certainty.
So now you're wanting that, well, I need to know how to answer this question, Carla.
Well, there's no certainty with that question because Holy Spirit's coming in.
Holy Spirit is here to direct you.
So I don't know what that looks like for you.
He does.
And so that's where it's going to be that intimate time with him to see what unfolds.
It's like, um, it's like when you open a journal and you have like, I don't know where to start.
I don't know where to start writing.
And I just want you to start writing.
I mean, y'all like I used, I used to not be a writer.
Now when I go to my journal every day, my kids think this is crazy.
I'm writing like 10 to 15 pages journaling.
Like that's how much my mind, like God is just speaking to me and through me, I'm speaking
to him.
He's speaking to me.
It's like this, like I'm always just having dialogue and I'm getting it out.
Like sometimes I can't write fast enough.
So sometimes I have to go record my voice cause I have to talk through it.
So if that works for you and then I'm like, okay, then I pull the transcript.
I record my voice and then I'm like, I need to see the transcript.
So that helps.
I don't like, I've just learned through the years how to like what works for me in my
processing with the Lord.
And so I don't want you to be focused so much on the outcome of what does the question answer,
but more of Lord, I'm going to release and surrender the outcome to you and you're just
going to reveal things.
And it might, it might be a series of moments with him over the next several weeks or, you
know, while you're still in Germany and maybe as you transition and you move over, you know,
you move over to Britain, like you're still like spending time in intimate relationship
with the Lord.
And these are questions that you're just thinking of like, okay, what's this, this fear, where
does that come from?
What's, is there some resistance here, Lord, what do you want to speak to me?
What's coming to my mind?
What are you like?
God will literally put ideas and memories and thoughts into our head.
And once we start processing that out, he will easily start interweaving.
It's just us slowing down.
Oh, that's as good.
Thank you, Jesus.
This was something that was definitely surfacing over the last couple of weeks.
Sometimes we can't, we don't think what we can hear God.
He's not, not speaking to us because we don't slow down and sit still enough to actually
listen to him.
Yeah.
Like I think about, um, and I think it's first Samuel where he gets woken up and he goes
like, Hey, did you call me?
Did you call me?
And he's like, no, like, and it's like, but it's God calling him.
And so finally, like after waking him up several times, he's like, okay, like if he wakes you
up again, you say, okay, speak Lord, your servants listening, right?
It's being able to sit in that quiet.
Go back.
I don't know.
Did you watch any of the replays from last week?
The anchor, the storm being anchored, go back and watch Supernatural Saturday or the check
in.
No, the Tuesday.
Go back to Tuesday's one o'clock session.
That one, I think, um, the teaching at the one o'clock session was really powerful.
Right.
Go back and look into the later world.
Back to that teaching.
Yeah.
No.
And I get, yeah.
But go back to that teaching with that stillness as well.
I think what we taught last week, what we taught this week, and there may be some things
that we taught the week before.
I love how our teachings each week, they do kind of layer on top of one another.
Cause that's how I just think that's how Holy Spirit moves in our community.
Yeah.
Like it is really supernatural and even what coat, you know, what Jackie kind of
coaches and teaches us on Supernatural Saturday, but yeah, it's sitting still
long enough to where you're not, your voice isn't the one that's overpowering
God, but you're sitting quietly and you're listening and you're sitting
still with that.
Yeah.
Okay.
I was kind of, um, Ebony has encouraged me to just be still, um, and start
listening to God and I started doing that and it was really good.
Yeah.
So that's God right there.
And that's like, look at that.
Ebony has been telling you that too, girl.
That was like about three, four weeks ago now.
And that was the confirmation, right?
They did the, the 1pm.
Uh, cause you were, uh, your son was playing baseball.
Um, yeah.
And so that was then.
And I, so for a few weeks I really benefited from that, but I've just,
since we've come back and, um, so Trix is on holiday, but I'm working so, and he's
in my city, he doesn't speak the language.
And so I've trying to, um, you know, I feel like I don't want to leave him on
his own too much, um, because he's only really here for my benefit.
So I'm somehow super busy.
And then yesterday also, so my, my roommate of more than 20 years has
been very ill recently and yesterday she got a cancer diagnosis.
So I feel a bit like I'm reeling.
Um, and so now I'm thinking, well, I want to be there for him.
Then I want to be there for her, but I also need to do my, find my own decision.
I need to get my work done.
And then all the practicalities of organizing stuff.
Um, so it's a bit.
Yeah.
The whole being quiet before God.
Just caring for yourself and being able to sit in that presence of the Lord
and just not neglecting yourself.
You know, that's important.
Yeah.
But I, I think that be still part is part of that confirmation and that will help
you release that needing to have certainty of the outcome of what that
conversation, that question, the answer to that question, the outcome
of the answer to that question.
Yeah.
You're releasing that.
And you're going to sit quietly with the Lord and you're just going to spend
time as he just has things naturally unfold.
It's not something you're going to find out right away.
It's just over time.
You are now going to be seeking him to show you the discernment, the
information, and then you're going to use that information and that's what's
going to help you recognize the answer to that question.
But you're also going to focus on, well, when I'm asking this question and I'm
going down this, like, I have to answer it and I need to know that's your, now
you're going into the fear projection, that anxious worry, and that's what.
That's what we got to cast out.
We're not, that's not, that's not a God, Godly, um, mind, right.
That's operating differently.
Um, I want you to sit with that.
Keep us posted.
Okay.
Thank you for coming and giving the update.
I've been, like I said, I've been thinking about you, so I appreciate it.
Um, Audrey, I do see your hand up, Audrey.
Um, it, we are like 15 minutes past time.
Are you able to post that, your question in our app?
And I will look at that today for you.
Okay, perfect.
I will, I will keep my eyes out for that.
Don't, don't feel like you have to rush that.
Just whenever you have time to, um, type out your question and share the
information, um, I will keep my eyes out, um, for that.
Okay, ladies.
Um, let me go ahead and pray for us and, um, yeah, I think I covered everything.
Yes, I did.
Okay.
Let me go ahead and pray for us real quick.
And then, um, yeah.
All right.
Heavenly father, I just thank you so much for this time together today.
Lord, thank you for your faithfulness, your kindness, and just how your, your
presence is always here to lead us and to guide us, um, not to always see the,
the destination.
and the outcome of what we want that certainty for, Lord, but you do lead us
and show us the next steps. And so I thank you for that. I thank you for that reminder.
I pray that you continue to remind us that we're never to carry that weight of certainty,
but you've told us in your word that we can cast those cares and those burdens to you.
And so, Lord, if we ever find ourselves in those moments where we want to rush ahead,
can you please just teach us to slow down and listen for your voice? Exactly what you mean
when we need to be quiet and be still to hear what it is that you want to speak to our hearts.
Lord, when fear tempts us to want to withdraw,
do you continue to bring hope in our hearts? And that when that hope tempts us to
ignore what you're revealing or make us think that it's not happening the way that we want it to,
that you remind us that you also guide us towards discernment.
Lord, just continue to help us become the women that have hearts that will remain soft
and eyes that remain open because our anchor is you. Our confidence is anchored in you, Father.
I pray that every relationship that's represented here today and in our community,
whether that's preparing them to date, actively discovery dating, if they're waiting and you're
still working some other things out before they step into dating, in their healing,
whether they're dating someone or not, in any of their relationships, family, co-workers,
neighbors, community, but you're just preparing us to learn to trust you
more deeply, that you are continuing to write each and every story
for each and every woman in this community, and it's your perfect timing. Lord, give us the courage
to continue to take each faithful step, whichever one is next. We don't have to second guess it.
We just lean on you and trust in you and that you will direct our next step after
because we don't have to know what comes after. We just know when we take a step,
you're going to show us the next step that comes after. Continue to remind us that we don't have
to figure everything out, but we get invited to walk along this journey with you. Lord, as we
move through this next week, bring that truth back into our hearts that the hope
is what keeps our hearts open. Your discernment is what keeps our eyes open so that
that certainty can be fully surrendered to you. We trust you with all the parts of our story, Lord,
especially the parts that we can't see because we know that you're the one that's holding every
single page that you're writing. You've got all the pages that you've already written and all the
blank pages that you are continuing to write. Lord, we just ask that you continue to be with us
in Jesus' name. Amen. Ladies, have a wonderful rest of your Tuesday. Yes, thank you, Peggy,
for that. So, yes, Eloise, we need to help you figure out the app. Is that correct?
So, ladies, if you need to jump off the call, feel free to do that.
I don't know that it's the app. I just never have understood how the
affirmations or the homework and all that. I haven't understood it the whole time. I don't
know if it's my brain fog or what it is. So I don't get it. Do you have access to the app?
And do you use your phone or do you use your laptop? Okay, that's good. I prefer.
for using my computer too.
I don't like using it on my phone.
Yeah, I don't either.
So you can log in and are you in phase two?
I'm in phase two, but I haven't finished the heart work.
I had a car accident on my birthday in February.
And so my whole life has been trying to get healthy again
and I'm gonna get an MRI on my brain and stuff,
but that hadn't happened.
All right, so, but they've moved you
from phase one heart work to phase two.
Yeah.
Okay, so, but you didn't feel like you finished
the heart work?
No, I haven't finished.
I'm just really struggling reading.
Okay, here's the thing.
It's okay.
I don't want you to think about needing to catch up, okay?
I just want you to take it each day as it comes, okay?
So you're here today.
You got through the call, okay?
So when you log into the app,
especially over like today and tomorrow and Thursday,
you're gonna see posts from me that will be pinned.
So it'll be like my notes.
I will share my activation post.
There will be the replay posts
that when the replays get posted,
I try to keep an eye out on that.
It doesn't get posted at the same time every day.
I try not to post that replay post until they're up,
but sometimes I'm like, they might just,
I might post before they're actually up,
but I do try my best to do that,
but you're gonna see those.
And so I want you to really take notice of those
and just read through those,
and you can respond and reply and comment under those posts.
You wanna start there.
Okay.
And then, you know,
I don't want you to put so much pressure on yourself.
There is no right or wrong way to do this.
Yeah.
You just follow Holy Spirit's prompting
is what is He directing to you to do today.
And trust Him.
Okay, so did I just share with Ebony
or did I share with you two?
It will go, it will go in the app.
So when, and then if you,
if you post, do you know how to post in the app?
Like, it was just be like, create a post.
Yeah, I know.
I've done that, but it's been a while.
And that goes to the whole community.
So Ebony and I both see that.
Right.
So I shared with Ebony several weeks ago
that I'd had my first date in years.
Yay.
Yeah.
And I don't know if you're familiar with it.
There's a group called Singles and Fellowship.
And there's one called Active Singles DFW,
although they've changed their name,
but it's all Christian singles
in the Dallas Fort Worth area.
And so one of the groups had a dinner dance
and I went there and met this guy
and we ended up going to lunch.
And, and Ebony was so wonderful before I, you know,
had the date she'd been talking about, you know,
make it fun, make it light.
You're not going to go serious.
You're not going to talk about women and the Lord
and all this stuff.
Well, this guy's a widower and he'd been married 33 years.
And so like the first few minutes he was like trying to,
so how many relationships have you had?
How long did they last?
And I was like, we're not going there.
And the next day was Father's Day.
And I said, so Tim,
tell me about a wonderful experience you had with your dad.
And so, so he shared something with me
about going to a professional baseball game.
And he said that team, he has loved that team all his life.
And he has a warm place in his heart
every time he sees that team or whatever.
And so, and then he asked me about one and I,
and this one, the Lord had brought back up.
I hadn't heard of, thought about it in years.
When I was four, we planted watermelon seeds
in East Texas in Tyler.
And, and I kept looking out the window
after we'd planted them,
wondered, you know, when's the watermelons coming up?
Dad went and got watermelons and the vines.
And that night he planted them on top of our seeds.
So the next day I had watermelons.
And we did that.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah.
And so anyway, we, I kept it light and breezy
the whole time and he loved it.
But when he's, when I said,
Something about, you know, how Jackie said,
you know, the chemistry is on the bus,
but it's the, what is it?
The collaboration or the, what did she say?
What's that word?
Compatibility.
Compatibility, yeah.
But that's what drives the bus.
Yeah, it does.
We had a great time.
He got me iced tea.
He walked me to my car.
He told me how beautiful I was.
He told me how he's lost 88 pounds.
And I said, well, you beat me.
I've lost 60.
And he said, you're beautiful.
You don't need to lose another ounce.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, and so it was so wonderful to hear,
but he sent me a text that night.
He said, you know, I so enjoyed you
and I loved holding you in my arms.
We hugged goodbye.
Yeah.
But he said, but I don't think the compatibility is there.
I mean, he wants to be married.
Let me just say, that's what he want.
And he's a denominational guy,
not spirit filled, and he doesn't get it.
So, you know.
And I think, yeah, and you don't have to sit there
and like figure him out,
but you get to take that opportunity and say,
okay, what did God do in that moment?
Where did I see growth in me?
Where can I celebrate?
That's why I always like,
you ladies are always gonna hear me want to celebrate things
because if we keep our eyes fixed on him
and looking upwards and celebrating what God is doing
in that moment and we are praising and worship
the goodness of the father, like that's good.
So yeah, I don't want you to,
we've got to jump off here,
but I don't want you to focus on this
feeling like you need to catch up.
Cause I think that could be putting stress on you
where you feel like, I don't know where to start.
So just one day, okay, as it comes,
look at the post.
If something's on your heart to share
what God is highlighting to you, share it with us.
Yeah, okay.
And then, you know, just keep revealing to us
like what the Lord is doing.
And that, if you're dating or not dating,
it doesn't matter.
I just, we want to see what is God doing?
Cause that heartwork stuff, it continues.
Right, yeah.
Like if you could like,
I think every time you probably will come on in my calls,
I'm heartworking everybody.
Cause I'm heartworking myself all the time.
Well, I've got to say this one thing.
In the last few weeks, I've had more men,
teenagers, men, I know them or I don't know them,
but they're saying, you look so beautiful today.
And my favorite restaurant called Taste in Fort Worth,
if you haven't been there, you need to go.
Okay, I'm writing it down.
Yeah, tasteproject.org, Fort Worth and Arlington.
And so one of the managers at the Fort Worth location,
I don't know his name, but his face is familiar.
And so we were, me and a girlfriend
were one of the last tables finishing up and everything.
And so he was just kind of walking by and he said,
you look so beautiful today.
But then he said, but you always do.
You always come dressed so nice.
And it's like, I know that it's the Lord
shining through me kind of deal.
And I do make a big effort
to have makeup on and all that sort of stuff.
I don't know if you're doing it or whatever,
but I'm also in a job search
and you need to look pulled together, so.
No, I get that.
Yeah.
No, I think you're doing great.
So yeah, I think just continue
to keep doing what you're doing.
Release the pressure off yourself, okay?
And you're recognizing these moments where God's showing up.
So just sit with that and just be like, okay, God,
like what is it you're trying to show me today?
And if you feel led to share in our app,
just post about it.
Okay.
Like, and that's part of that process.
And then that will, you'll start seeing
how we'll incorporate heartwork in that too.
God has a really amazing way
of revealing all of that stuff to us.
Yeah.
Okay.
I just, you know, I just wanna get more going
and get past all the health issues.
Don't stress yourself out.
Like, okay, just take baby steps at a time.
Okay?
Yeah.
All right.
All right, I'm gonna jump off.
I will see you ladies next week
and I will continue to see you all in the post
as I respond to all of your amazing updates.
I love hearing them.
So keep them coming.
All right, ladies.
Have a great Tuesday.
Thank you.