Okay, so welcome to ladies night, we are officially recording, we are here.
And so, Jackie wanted to do like a get to know you.
And so, I, I will say this too.
If we fly through the get to know you I don't know how many people are going to come on
right now we only have 35 folks on and more will come.
Usually it's only like seven o'clock so some, some of y'all are slow rollers in and so,
we're going to, I came up with 10 fun questions because she's like,
I want people to kind of get to know each other in the community.
And a lot of times when I ask you guys questions,
they're geared towards answers you're going to give the dudes, right?
But I'm not going to ask those questions tonight.
I'm going to ask you questions that will help us learn about each other, but
you're going to hear like movies, songs, and books.
And so, A, I want you to get a pen and paper ready because you're going to write
your answers down, but you might hear an answer from somebody else.
You're like, oh my gosh, I need to read that book.
Oh my gosh, I need to watch that movie.
Because this is all about us feeling good.
So, grab your paper, grab a pen, and I'm going to put ten questions in the,
in the chat, and you're going to write them down in the answers.
And I'm actually going to play a little song while we're,
I'm going to give you a few minutes.
Hold on a sec.
Where is my speaker?
Hold on.
All right.
So, I'm going to give everybody like three minutes to write their answers down.
All right.
And I will go first, so you get the gist of how this is going to go.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
All right.
Here are the ten questions in the chat.
You're very, obviously, you have to tell us your name and where you live.
I don't want your age, how many kids you have.
We don't want that.
We don't want to know that tonight.
I just want to know your name and where you're, where you're hailing from.
The number one question is your comfort meal.
No shame, you guys.
If it's candy, don't shame anybody.
We're not trying to lose weight tonight, okay?
There's no calories tonight.
Number two, your go-to thing to relax.
Number three, a verse that means something to you right now and why.
Four, a movie you will always watch whenever it comes on TV,
no matter where it is in the movie.
It could be five minutes left of the movie and you're still going to watch
that sucker.
A fiction book you could not put down.
So, I said fiction because I don't want you all telling me about the Bible.
I know we all pick up the Bible.
I want you to, I mean, I want that dumb book that you can't believe you stayed
up all night reading.
A worship song that always picks you up.
And you guys, some of these for my answers, it's just what came off the top
of my head tonight.
If I asked the same question last week, I'd get a different answer.
Next week, I'd get a different answer.
A fun song that always picks you up.
Something you will accomplish by the end of the year.
And you guys, let's talk nicely to ourselves because the first thing I
thought of was, oh, lose 10 pounds.
No.
I pick something fun and silly that I want to get done before the end of the year.
And then nine, your go-to beauty tip.
We always, Jackie always does like her favorite things, but some of you might
have your favorite thing that we all want to know about.
And number 10, an item in your home that matters.
So, in the next four minutes, not only do you have to come up with your answers,
but you got to go find that item if you can in the house.
You may not be able to.
It might be hanging on your wall and it might be way too big.
It might be your entire living room set.
I don't know.
But if it's manageable, you're going to go get it.
So, the questions are in the chat and you've got four minutes to answer them.
And I'm going to play a little background music of one of my favorite songs that
gets me up no matter what.
And it's the first one that came to my mind.
So, no making fun of me.
Loving Every Since I Was a Kid
♪ Waking up in the morning Be like my mother said
When you gotta live your life right
Loving Eve, we're not the fortunate ones
And girls don't know how to have fun
Oh, girls just don't know how to have fun
♪
The four rings
And the
I love the night, my boy, yeah
What you gonna do with your life?
Oh, daddy, do you know you're still number one?
But girls, they wanna have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have
That's only one
Number one
When the workin' day is done, oh girl
They wanna have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have
Wanna have fun, girls
Wanna have
Someone take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the worst of the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh, girls just wanna have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have
That's only one
Number one
When the workin' day is done, oh girl
They wanna have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have
Wanna have fun, girls
Wanna have
They just wanna, they just wanna
Okay.
And if you're quick on the draw,
and if you, uh, have Spotify,
you can always hold up your phone and play a ten second clip of your song.
It can't be that fast.
We all don't have time to play everybody's song the whole way through.
But, okay.
We have ten questions each.
I'm gonna go first.
I want brave hands.
Some of you, like, I know the answers to these,
but I'm in the dark, I'm in PJs, I don't wanna come off camera.
That's fine, whatever.
But for as many of you as possible, look at y'all.
Like, I've got like a ratty torn,
look, it's got torn, torn shirt on tonight for y'all.
Torn shirt.
Okay.
So, my comfort meal.
I'm kind of a, I like carbs and I like protein,
so my comfort meal is like a New York strip or ribeye steak.
Yum.
With, um, J Alexander's makes the best,
it's not your ordinary mac and cheese, mac and cheese.
That would be my comfort meal.
Carb and protein.
My go-to thing to relax.
I would say get to the beach,
but I'm landlocked here in Nashville,
and so lately what I've had to resort to,
if I can't get to a body of water,
my go-to to relax is breath work.
I really need to slow my breathing down.
So that is the fastest way I can relax.
A verse that means something and why.
I've been lamenting over my 30-page thesis paper
that I just turned in.
45 resources, 140 footnotes.
And the big chunk of it was John 15,
I am the vine.
And so John 15, 5, I am the vine,
I am the branches.
If you remain in me,
and I in you,
you will bear much fruit.
So that's the verse that's been sitting with me recently.
A movie I will always watch whenever it comes on.
Shawshank Redemption.
I'm a sucker for Morgan Freeman,
but what I really love is the main character.
Oh my gosh, I'm having a brain fart on his name.
But I just love the fact that that man had hope.
That lasted decades.
A fiction book that I could not put down.
I don't know why this is the first book
that came to my mind.
It's certainly not the most recent book.
I'm embarrassed to tell you,
but I think it's because I just watched it on Netflix.
It's Hunger Games.
When I finally read the trilogy,
I pretty much inhaled the entire trilogy
in probably four days.
And if you guys have seen the Hunger Games books,
those are not short books.
A worship song that always picks me up.
It's Chris McCarney's I'm Listening.
So it's Chris McCarney,
I'm Listening.
Get that.
A fun song that always picks me up.
You already heard my Cyndi Lauper
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
I just think it's a great pick-me-up.
Something I will accomplish
by the end of the year.
My golf clubs are sitting in the storage unit.
And my husband and I,
we have got to get those golf clubs back out.
So I committed that I'm going to get
to the golf course three times
before December, y'all.
Tip, this is a public service announcement.
It is wearing, I got this from my dermatologist.
This is a tinted sunscreen that actually goes on
almost like foundation.
You guys, I am Mediterranean, I am 97% Italian, 3% Greek.
There should be zero reason why I should worry
about any skin issues.
But she just froze off a pre-cancer spot on my cheek.
So this is your public service announcement
to wear sunscreen and go get your face and body checked.
If you have not done so in a very long time.
And one item in my house that really matters to me,
I have a bunch of items, but the most recent one
that's hanging up on the wall is the cord
that Brian and I did during my wedding ceremony.
It had like this little anchor,
and so the pastor kind of held the anchor,
and the two of us kind of tied it up.
And so it actually has now been sitting,
it hangs on the wall to remind us
that we are a cord of three strands.
Okay, raise your hand.
You guys go, fun stuff.
Share your name and answer those questions.
Who's gonna be brave and go first?
Okay, Susan Bennett, go.
Mute, unmute.
Okay, hi there.
Yep, I'm in my sports bra.
Okay.
My favorite, okay, my go-to meal, comfort meal
is my bolognese sauce that I make.
It's homemade from scratch, quite fabulous.
And, you know, with some pasta.
Actually, I've been eating on that
for the last of almost four nights in a row,
because I just made some.
All right, so, oh, to relax.
Well, right now I'm in Durango,
so I love riding my bike down to the river
and getting in the river,
because it's kind of chilly and it's quite refreshing.
Right now, Romans 6, 11, I've been in Romans,
and this is, so, chapter six, verse 11,
so let it be the same way with you.
Since you are now joined with him,
you must continually view yourselves as dead
and unresponsive to sin's appeal,
while living daily for God's pleasure
in union with Jesus, the anointed one.
Yep, I've been hanging out in Romans lately.
Okay, so, I don't know, favorite movie, gosh,
I hardly watch movies anymore,
but I do love God with Wind,
because the fashions are stunning,
what Scarlett O'Hara wears, so I watch it for the fashion.
Number five, fiction book.
Actually, I haven't read a fiction book in a while.
Yeah.
You can skip it, if you want.
Then, worship song came to my mind was You Raise Me Up.
That's always a lovely one.
Then, a fun song that picks me up
is by Dire Straits, Sultans of Swing.
I love it.
Yeah, Money for Nothing.
I just listen to both of those, again, today.
Get done by the year end.
Well, my goal right now is to find a livable van
before the end of the year, to live in the van.
Yep.
My beauty tip is lipstick.
My favorites are Chanel lipsticks, so that's what I...
Great.
If I don't wear any,
I mean, that's my basic makeup, is lipstick, and that's it.
And an item in your home?
Item in my home is my Peppermill and my perfume.
I just, I love that combination.
All right, thank you so much, Susan.
Marilyn, you are, oh, no, Marily.
Sorry, Marley.
Marley, yes, yes.
Marley, I'm sorry, vision shot tonight.
Go ahead, you're on it, girl.
Okay, so it's Marley from Ottawa, Canada,
and my comfort meal is hearty soup full of vegetables.
I can have three, four bowls, love it,
especially here when it's cold.
Go-to thing to do to relax,
if it's during the summer,
to go by the water, and during the winter, sauna.
A verse that means a lot to me now,
it's Psalm 23, he restores my soul.
A movie that I will always watch when it comes up,
Pretty Woman.
Ah.
Fiction book, I don't read fiction books,
so I'll just skip it.
A worship song that picks me up,
Goodness of God by C.C. Winans.
A fun song that picks me up as well is Soirée.
Amanda from Elvis Prespo.
Something that I will accomplish by the end of the year
is plan my winter vacation.
I usually just go spontaneously, but I'll plan something.
My beauty tip is a light up lip gloss and an item in my house
that really matters to me are the paintings that I got from my father.
So yeah, I love it Marley.
You know, that's the song.
I walked down the aisle to was the good.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
Okie dokie.
My gosh, you guys my vision is so Patty.
That's what happens when you work on a paper for five straight days.
Patty can't see no more.
You're up girl.
Okay.
Thanks Renee.
I am Patty from New Jersey.
Comfort food would be Jamaican beef patties.
Oh, I skate to relax.
I skate.
Let's see.
You do what?
What do you do to relax?
Ice skating or roller skating?
Oh, you skate.
Got you.
Awesome.
I love it.
Joshua one nine.
Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous.
I'm writing all these verses down you guys.
I think that there's going to be some beauty of when we put this all
together.
Keep going.
Movie would be Hidden Figures.
Oh, yeah.
A book that I couldn't put down.
It's actually a young adult book.
It's called Izzy willy-nilly and it's by Cynthia Voight.
Okay.
Let's see song would be Gyra.
I think it's yes.
Rick.
Yeah music.
I think Maverick City.
Don't worry.
Be happy.
Oh, yeah.
I'd like to win at least two tennis games from one of my upcoming
tennis.
Okay, I love that.
Lipstick with lip clear lip gloss on top for the beauty tip and
the item would be my Toastmasters certificate.
Good job.
See Patty.
We just learned some cool things about you too.
All right.
I love it.
Awesome.
Lydia.
Hi, I'm Lydia and I'm in Kansas City and okay.
She mentioned the Jamaican beef patties and like that's also like
one of them but I wrote down Italian style pizza.
Let's see the next thing to relax.
I will probably just turn on a movie most likely a comedy or
rom-com and I will knit.
Oh, I love that you knit.
That's awesome.
And the verse Ephesians 3 20 and 21 where it talks about him
who can do abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine.
Movie.
Okay.
This is going to show my age like kind of that niche age of younger
millennial the Lizzie McGuire movie.
Love it.
So good.
Book series.
I mean Hunger Games is definitely one of them, but I wrote down
the selection series.
It's by Keira Cass.
Okay, technically young adult.
She's a Christian but they're not like written as Christian fiction,
but she based it kind of off of the Book of Esther.
I love that.
Song, Surrounded.
Nice.
And then I want to dance with somebody.
Yeah, get on Whitney.
Get on Whitney.
Just every time.
Just turn it on.
Every time man.
Every time.
This year.
I want to knit a cable knit sweater.
Okay.
For the end of the year.
And a beauty tip.
So I got they're really cheap on Amazon, but these cute hair clips
and like sometimes if I'm just tired of my hair being down, I'll
put it like half up with one of these.
Nice.
I love it ladies.
And then I have a necklace that I got from my aunt Jean.
She passed away seven years ago and she got it for me when she
went to Israel.
So it's nice.
I love that.
Someone's asking you who is the book the name of the book series
and author again.
I will put it in the chat.
Okay, great.
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
I love that.
We have a knitter.
All right, Rachel, you're up.
Is it Rachel?
It's Rachel.
Rachel, I had a feeling.
Yeah.
It's all good.
Okay.
So my comfort meal is a bolognese.
It's like a Mexican meatball soup.
a bondi guys. Oh, nice. So it's, it's essentially a Mexican
meatball soup. Nice. It's and like even in the summer when
it's like 100 degrees, I'll still want it. It's like one of
those. Um, what I do to relax, I love I watch a lot of like ASMR
facial videos. Like even if I can't get a facial, I want to
watch someone get a facial. Okay. I have there's so many
spots in Tokyo, I am now aware of. So, um, the verse I put is
Jeremiah 2911. Um, or I know the plans that I have for you. And
then for movies, honestly, any early 2000 movies, like any
early like monster in law, I feel like that would always
come on 50 first dates, like anything with Kate Hudson. I'll
stop and watch. Oh my gosh. Yes. Remember when I get in was on
like every weekend? Yes. Yes. Um, uh, the book I couldn't put
down was my favorite book is the nightingale. Oh, by Kristen
Hannah. It's really good. Um, like it's like a historical
fiction. Okay. Um, and then the song that was a worship song in
the river. Okay. By Jesus culture. Yeah. And a fun song.
September by Earth, Wind and Fire. Nice. Like I, I feel like
that just makes everyone happy. And then by the end of this
year, I've been really working on my mental health, um, and
using those tools to get my anxiety a lot level. So I'm just
in the process of getting that handled. So, and I'm, I feel
like I'm reaching a really good spot. So I feel like that's my
goal of this year to really focus on that. Um, my beauty
tip is to watch your face every night, even when you're tired.
Oh my gosh, that was, I was going to say that before I pick
the SPF. So good. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. If you're tired, just
it's open. You got to do it face, man. Watch your face. I
love it. Yeah. And then the item I'm not in my, I'm like
working in a different town right now. So the only thing I
brought from my home to like bring me comfort, I can't have
my cat with me, but I bought like a little fidget cat that
looks like my tuxedo cat and it's just like a little fidget.
So to remind me of my cat. Um, but that's what I brought.
That's awesome. Great job, Rochelle. All right, Diana, you
are up.
Okay. So Diana Donovan, I'm in Spring Hill, Tennessee. And my
go to comfort meals, homemade macaroni and cheese, homemade
guacamole, and a ribeye steak. Love it. Oh, with mushrooms. Um,
let's see to relax. So many things. I'm a songwriter. So I
love to, to sing. I'm also an artist. So painting relaxes me.
And my scripture is Psalm 139. Because we are intricately
woven and fearfully and wonderfully made. Go to movie
Sweet Home Alabama. Maybe because like, I love it when she
punches out. Or when she says you have a baby in a bar. That
too. But when she no, no one talks to my mama like that. Oh,
yeah. Love it. Um, can't think of a fiction book right now. Um,
the song is, um, Brandon Lake sings, I've got a lion inside of
my lungs. I don't know the name of it.
It is gratitude. Isn't that one gratitude? You guys? It is
gratitude. It's gratitude. Yeah,
I love that. Um, and then the other song is because I'm happy.
Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool.
Okay, this year, I want to pay off my credit card. Beauty tip.
Okay, so I've had shoulder problems and can't raise my arms
up real well. So what I would do and what got noticed in the
hospital is like, when I get my hair washed, I take my hair and
I just twist it around my finger. And it creates the most
awesome curls without ever doing anything.
yep and it just looks really nice and the thing in my home all my artwork are
you an artist I am oh my gosh I love that you guys that's awesome that's so
awesome thanks for sharing that okay you guys there are a bunch more of you on so
I want as many of you as possible to come on and share and also if we wind
down from this and you guys want to ask me any question of course the floor will
be always open for questions Kim you are up okay hi Renee hi okay so let's see
the first one the comfort meal roast beef mashed potatoes and gravy my mom
used to make that all the time for me for my birthday I love it
the relaxing is sitting outside in nature either by a lake or a stream or
a river alone though in nature my favorite are my verse that I've been
looking at lately is Philippians 413 I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me let's see number four was the movie I don't know why I love this
movie but it's something's got to give with Jack Nicholson and um what's her
name I forgot her name no no no no what's no and Diane Diane Keaton Diane
Keaton yeah and it's just a love story of that it's like an older ladies love
story I guess that's I'm an older lady so that's why the song is the same wine
that the previous lady just said gratitude by Brandon Lake I love Brandon
Lake I also like hard-fought hallelujah and let's see oh the other music can't
stop the feeling by Justin Timberlake makes me is uplifting and makes me want
to dance the let's see oh my goal by the end of the year is to clean up I have
three bedrooms I have four bedrooms but three of them are full of a lot of
things and I'm trying to get rid of and get rid of the old and get rid of things
so clean those out by the end of the year I've got a good start and then the
beauty tip there's this great serum called retinol skin booster serum you
can get it on Amazon but it's got niacinamide in it and a little bit of
retinol and it's amazing for your skin put it in the chat put the name of it
again in the chat when you're done will do and then what was the oh I didn't
have the fiction book either and then the last one oh so I'm just gonna see if
I don't know if this will show on that let me see so it's a well there's a
picture of my two dogs and then in the corner let's say I have a picture well
here I'll just take it off is my picture of Jesus which this is the same picture
of Jesus that my grandfather always had in his bedroom and when I was a little
girl I always used to see it and and he had great faith in Jesus and I just it's
just always been comforting so I found the exact same one and I keep it in my
bedroom just like he did and then my two dogs so he gets me through everything
but my two dogs have been through well they're now deceased but it's a so that
was a drawing of them and they got me through a lot of hard times over over
the years it was just me and them so so between Jesus is my number one of course
but my two dogs got me through a lot so those are the things that matter I love
it I love it that's awesome thank you so much Leslie and you guys by the way
if you're in the car or somewhere and you can't write these questions down but
you want to play raise your hand I will call on you and I will feed you the
questions one at a time because I want everybody to play tonight and okay
Leslie you're up okay so I am in a car so you might have to feed me some so I'm
Leslie and I live in Beaumont Texas down by the coast and by the Louisiana
border I'm driving home from a vacation in Florida so I've been driving since
prayer call this morning what we did stop once to visit somebody anyway my
comfort meal is not my favorite meal but it's the one that I don't have to do
anything to make and it's cereal so Cheerios or you know I love that
Cinnamon Toast Crunch or something like that I'm not a big movie buff so I
probably just get that Sweet Home Alabama was the first thing that came
to my mind too but I really don't watch too much TV but I do read all the time
and right now I'm reading Roses I just finished The Correspondent and Theo of
Golden was another great one but I have a huge shelf that's just full I order my
books on eBay and just read read read read read as far as
my comfort or self-care or relax, that's what it was. I'm in the pool every day with a book.
So when I get a moment, yeah, I work from home so I get in the pool. As far as something,
the special things in my home, my son is 14, so all of his little artwork from when he was younger,
I have it decorated in my house. It just reminds me of those sweet times.
As far as like products or beauty tips, I do have this whole face regimen with
serums and all that stuff. I do do Botox, that's not a secret, but I also am very particular about
keeping my face shaded. I wear a hat when I'm in the sun because I am a sun baker and so I'm
careful not to let my face get burned. I don't remember, oh, my scripture is Isaiah 43.19,
I think, where it's making a way in the wilderness, a river in the desert,
do you not perceive the new thing I'm doing? And then my favorite worship song is anything
by Cece Winans, but definitely Worthy of It All. I actually saw her at Red Rocks in Colorado.
And then these aren't always the most uplifting, but I'm a 90s country girl and it will get me
scooting around a dance floor in a second, so anything 90s country. I love it. Okay,
so let's see. I don't think I left anything out. I know, you're doing good. You went out of order,
but I think you got it all. Oh, did you say something you'll accomplish by the end of the
year? Did I miss that? Maybe I'll wash my car. I love it. That's awesome. Okay, wait. You can mute
me. Okay. No, I got you, girl. I got you. All right, got you. Kim, did you already go?
Kim Esses, did you go already? I did. Okay, that's what I thought. So, okay,
we just need to lower your hand so I don't get myself all messed up. All right, Kathy Johnson,
or Kathy Jackson, you're up. Okay, here we are. Well, I hope you can see me. Can you see me?
We can see you. Okay, it's on an iPad, so it's kind of wonky, but it's so funny that you mentioned
Kim Esses. I'm going to go. So, I'm Kathy Jackson from Wichita, Kansas, but that you mentioned,
Kim, and she just came on. So, she is my fun thing. By the end of the year, I'm going to go
visit her in St. Louis, Missouri. What? I love that. Yes, she's my bestie. I love that. She's
my bestie from the groupie. I mean, I cannot wait to meet that woman, and plus she has a lake house,
so this comfort thing and relaxing in the water, so I get to go do that there, too.
Let's go. My comfort food is a filet with a baked potato and a salad. That's just a go-to. It used
to be fried chicken, but my gallbladder doesn't like that, so we're going to move on to a filet.
And then my Romans 828, all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord,
has been my go-to verse for several years now, still is. I don't really do many movies,
and I don't do many fiction books, so I'll skip those, and just like Leslie that just went,
The Worthy of It All, CeCe Williams, I love that song. The fun song, just like Rochelle,
Anything Earth, Wind, and Fire Will Get Me Up and Moving. My beauty tip, I just started to
work on these beef tallow products. They're kind of new, and so I'm kind of experimenting with those,
and I like the way it makes me feel at night. I put it on when I wake up, and my skin still
feels smooth at this age. Yep, I have some beef tallow too, yep. Yeah, and then the thing that
matters to me right now still is really important to me. My dad was a full colonel in the military,
and he passed away, and I have his flag. I decorated it with all of his ribbons and metals
and things like that, so that's still very important to me. Love that. Did you get them
all? I think you got them all. Yeah, I did. Good job. All right, Sally, you're up.
Okay, so I'm in the car. Do you need me to read it? All right, I think I have it. So my
comfort food is mac and cheese, and I do like a California roll. My movie is,
is the movie next? Your go-to relax. Oh, so I was raised on the Oregon coast,
so going to the beach, walking, and watching movies. Great. And then my script. Yep. My
scripture is Hebrews 11, 6. Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who
approaches Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.
him. And my movie is Accountant Monte Cristo. And, and then my
books are the trilogy, The Mark of the Lion series by Francine
River. My song is by Colton Dixon through it all. And the
song that recently is that God gave me a vision of everything's
coming up roses. And there's a song in the movie begin again,
that just is named that everything's coming up roses.
And then by the end of the year, I would like to finish two books
a month. And my what is that beauty tip is there's a thing
called everything. Let's talk ivermectin because ivermectin is
amazing for putting on your skin, taking internally, the
horse face is what I use, and just for any kind of infection
on your skin. And then the thing in my house is my mom used to
cater weddings, and she used a silver service and some
candelabras. And when she passed away, I didn't think I would get
because there's six kids. And so I didn't think I'd get like the
candelabras. But after everybody else got what they wanted, I
went online and I found a ton of them. So I have a bunch of
candelabras and some tea sets that I cherish.
I love that. I love it. You guys look at you're going to be
learning good verses to jot down good songs to play good books to
read. So we're learning some good stuff and some beauty tips.
Okay, Felicia, you are up.
Sorry, I'm at work. One second, please. Okay, so let me find it
here. Give me a second. Okay, so my name is Felicia. I live in
Virginia Beach, Virginia. My comfort food is salmon, or tea
with spinach and jasmine white rice. Oh, nice. Oh, in the hot
tub. It's something that helps me to relax here in the bubble.
Nice. Psalms 9114. He said he's loved me. It helped me to
understand that when something is set, it's hard and not easy
to change. Was that Psalm 9114?
Psalms 9114. Right. Sound of Music is a movie that I watch
with my children. And every time I hear it, I would love to just
keep playing around just like her. Yep. My worship song is
S-E-U, What a God. Michael Jackson's song Human just gives
me a connection to just love and peace and joy. Yeah. The next
thing I want to do is get out of debt. I'm on my way to get
that done by the end of this year. Use warm oil on my skin
before bed or anytime. It's soothing and it just helps your
skin to relax. I love it. I love it. Special item I hold dearly
to my heart is the things that my clients gave me that I do
home care. I'm a home care caregiver. They gave me before
they get to the end of their life. That's it.
Oh, I love that. That's so awesome. Thank you for sharing.
Okay, Jeanette.
Hello. So my full name is Jeanette Victoria Sweet. I use
Victoria in this group, but it doesn't matter. I don't want
people to get mixed up. So in case y'all don't know, when
you're looking for me on Facebook, you know, so that's my
full name. This is my mommy. Say hi, mommy. Hi, let's see.
And let's see. Oh, there are ladies. You're right there. Oh,
let me see. She just wanted to see the tiny little box. Okay,
my comfort meal. So when I was growing up, mom would make
chicken, rice pilaf and like broccoli or some really good
veggie. The go to to relax is usually reading or not reading,
relaxing with my feet up watching a movie. The verses
that I'm recently on right now is in trusting for we bought by
faith not by sight. Second Corinthians five, seven, Hebrews
11, six, but without faith is possible. It is impossible to
please him.
For he that comes to God must believe that he is, that he is the rewarder of them that
diligently seek him.
And let's see.
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief, verily I say unto you, if you have
faith as green as a mustard seed, you shall stay under this mountain, be you out removed,
and you shall cast him into the sea.
Nothing shall be impossible for you.
Matthew 17, 20.
Just all on the faith and trusting is basically where I'm at right now.
Let's see.
The movie that I'll watch is Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock, or I love that one.
Or the second one too.
And then the other one that I love is While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock and
Peter Gallagher.
Yeah.
So funny.
When did you fall in love?
While you were sleeping?
Fixing book.
I don't really read that much.
I'm so stinking busy.
But I listen to the worship music all the time on the radio.
And frequently I'll be making my breakfast or something in the morning and I'll just
start dancing.
And I love it.
I love when God just can help me move around.
And then let's see, something that I want to accomplish before the end of the year.
I don't really know.
I want to meet more friends.
I was looking today on an app and there's something, there might be some apps I can
meet people in town or even, you know, on Facebook lately, like a lot of ladies are
saying hi to me and wanting to be my friend, which is kind of funny.
So it's not like, hey, they want to date me.
They're gay.
They want to be my friend.
So I'm trying to find new friends.
And then also my sister-in-law made this.
I'll see if I can turn the camera around.
My sister-in-law painted this a little, oh goodness, a little bit ago.
Yeah.
It's a paint by number, but I just love it and it blesses me so much.
I just get to look at it every day and just a beautiful picture of Jesus.
So yeah, you can see that.
And yeah, I can't think of anything else.
Yeah.
Oh, and I live in Florida.
I'm from California, but we live in Florida now.
You got it.
Yeah.
Are you set girl?
Yeah.
Sorry.
I think it cut out for a second.
So comfort meal.
I'm like, I'm such a foodie.
I love a lot of things and I don't necessarily have a go to, but a food that always makes
me happy as I love tacos, like just the little street tacos, any kind of meat, most toppings,
just got to have cheese or charcuterie.
So meat and cheese really is what I like.
To relax, I love a good book or just sitting in nature.
For a verse, I could probably quote a lot, but Psalm 16 is one that stood out.
So I know it's like 11 verses, but it's one that's always ministered to me just about
like God being the one who preserves us.
He's the one who like has all the good, like, because it's, I have no good besides you.
The Lord is the portion of my inheritance.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places, which I often try to remind myself that his
plans are better than anything I could dream and they're lovely.
And then it ends with, in your presence is fullness of joy and at your right hand are
pleasures evermore.
So a movie that I will always watch, I could probably name a lot, but the Pride and Prejudice,
the A&E version, even though it's four hours, oh, I would watch that thing no matter where
it's at in the movie.
Or something like Mary Poppins or Sound of Music.
I love classics.
For books, I love historical Christian fiction.
I literally like have been reading one right now.
I have a few favorite authors, but this one, Rosanna M. White is probably my fave.
I love everything she's written.
And I like this is like the newest one.
I have a list of the other ones that are coming out this year.
For a worship song right now, Mighty Name of Jesus by Belonging Co. has been, has been
it.
I've been singing it a lot.
Praying it a lot.
Do you know Belonging Co. is like right down the street from me?
That's so funny.
Oh, little jelly of that because you're like Natalie Grant and Kerry Jo.
My faves.
Anyways, that's cool.
Not that I like would never listen to anything else, but I really don't listen to anything
but worship usually.
But a fun worship song right now that I really love that always gets me going is Thank God
I'm Free.
I actually can't remember who does it, but it's so good.
I feel like I need to dance every time I hear it.
Nice.
Someone is asking the author's name again that you mentioned in your book.
Yeah, I'll put it in there.
Okay, good.
I really, yeah, she's a good one.
So by the end of the year, I want to learn Spanish.
I've wanted to do it since I was 16 and I finally found an online course because there's
nothing local.
So I just finished the beginner class and I'm probably going to sign up for the next
level in September after the book club is done.
Love that.
I love that.
Thank you.
Do you pick your little item?
Yes.
I also had a beauty tip.
Oh, yeah.
I ran out of mattifying powder a few weeks back and had a wedding and was very concerned
my mascara would be running because I got to do non-toxic so I can't do waterproof.
And I found a hack online that works cornstarch, as long as you're not allergic, it goes translucent.
It feels great.
Doesn't irritate.
It doesn't even irritate it.
What?
It was perfect.
Yeah.
So cornstarch on the bottom here of your eye?
Just under your lashes.
That's amazing.
I love it.
I had, I couldn't honestly decide on an item.
I'm a really sentimental girl, so picked three things that represent, so I have things from
my grandma.
I have her candlesticks.
This was, my dad gave this to my mom years back and she didn't want to keep it anymore.
It says, you cuddle good like a teddy bear should, and I've always loved it.
So I always think of them and, you know, love story.
And then some of my activation stuff, waiting for my hubby.
So.
Okay.
I'm picturing you are going to marry a guy who's going to give the best teddy bear hugs.
I hope so.
You're going to hug him and it is going to feel like a big teddy bear.
Like I just, I feel like that's going to be your clue.
I would be so happy about that.
So cool.
I love it.
Okay.
Claudia.
Hello everybody.
Sorry, I'm in the car.
So I'm kind of, I just have to have my picture, but, okay, I need to be probably reminded
of the questions.
I'm so sorry.
No, no, no.
Okay.
So the first one is your comfort food.
My comfort food.
I really love Mediterranean food.
I noticed that like, like I'm starting to get more into it.
So that's something that like, when I go to, I'm like, when I think about like, if I'm
having a stressful day, I'm like, you know what, Mediterranean.
So that's your go-to thing to relax to then?
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
That's so funny.
I love that.
Yes.
Like a trick or treat kind of like.
Yeah, girl.
A verse that's doing something for you right now.
I'm sorry?
A verse.
A Bible verse.
A Bible verse?
Usually the one that, the one that I really love is John 3, 16, for God so loved the world
that, you know, I just love that one every time I see it and it just, I just love it.
A movie you will watch over and over.
You know, a movie that I, that I watched that I think it's kind of, it's kind of funny.
I like to, because I love comedy.
So one of the movies, it's called When Harry Met Sally.
I don't know why.
Oh yeah.
I just, every time.
I didn't think of that as a comedy, but it's like a rom-com.
I just love it because it kind of reminds me, you know, you know, just, just the way
things happen, the way that she keeps missing it, like in his, like she has him right in
front of her and it's like, she doesn't see him.
She just sees like, oh yeah, that's my, that's my friend and they, you know, just, I just
love it.
I don't know, Claudia, you might be marrying a guy from your past then, I'm just saying.
Well, you know, I am, I am, I am dating somebody that I, I used to go to high school with.
Okay.
There we go.
There you go.
Okay.
A fiction book.
A book that I really, you know, the one that I, that I'm, I really, because I'm a teacher.
And so a lot of times, we do a lot of the books that usually, I love a lot of like,
different fairy tales, stuff like that.
I love to, you know, I love all those stuff.
So that, in particular, probably the one that sticks to me the most, I don't, for some
reason, I really love like Alice in Wonderland.
Nice.
I think she's really.
Okay.
Worship song, any fun song?
The worship song, definitely.
When Jackie said it, I was like, oh yeah, yeah, that's the one, which is Waymaker.
I love Waymaker.
Yeah.
I'm a singer so I sing, and I love, that's one of the songs that I really like, have dear to my heart. Definitely.
I love that. I love that. Okay. Something you'll accomplish by the end of the year?
Well, right now I've been working on just totally redoing my room and redoing my environment.
Even my daughter's on board. She's actually working on her, right now she's a teenager, she's 14.
So she's thinking about doing some kind of like a gaming room and all of us are on board.
You know, it's like we're kind of, you know, trying to redo the house of different things of how.
So getting rid of a lot of stuff to enter with the new, you know, the new vibe. So that's.
Great. I love it. Your go-to beauty tip?
Beauty tip? Well, right now what I've been doing that it's actually been helping me sleep
because there was a lot of times that I wasn't sleeping really well is drinking.
It's called calm. It's magnesium. Magnesium, the calm.
It's really like, it's amazing. It's really, really good. I've been feeling refreshed and renewed in the morning.
I love it. An item in your home that matters to you?
Something that really matters to me definitely is my pictures.
I want to say like a lot of the stuff, a lot of memories that I carry.
I want to say that. Yeah, the picture is just of that I could go back to and remember.
I want to say that that's something that's very special to me.
I love it. I love it. Thank you so much, Claudia. Okay.
So I'm going to still give people a chance if they want to, but I'm also going to switch gears.
You guys can use this time now to ask me anything you want to know.
And I know some of you guys heard my love story.
Some of you have known my story because you've walked with me for so long too,
but your question can be a dating question about yourself,
any question about yourself that you've been wanting to know,
or maybe there's something like, Renee, how did you know about this?
Or how did you change this?
So you can either raise your hand to keep introducing yourself and I'll keep doing that.
But if you have a burning question and you were here hoping Jackie was going to answer it,
I will do my very best to answer it, or if it's a question just for me.
Patty, go ahead. You got your hand raised.
Okay. Thank you, Renee.
You bet.
I know, of course, that, you know, God is in control.
There aren't any guarantees, all of that, right?
If you met a man, if I, well, you know, if I met a guy at church or at Toastmasters,
someplace where you go every week, right?
And the person was looking out for me, talking to me, saying he liked chatting with me,
all of these kinds of things.
I know it's not exact.
About how long would you say you would wait before you said, well, he's not going to ask me out.
He's just a friend.
I would say as soon as you can't handle it anymore.
Like, if you're curious and it's been, like, a couple weeks, I mean, here's the thing.
Remind me, like, how large is an audience?
Like, remind everybody what Toastmasters is, because not everybody knows what Toastmasters is.
Okay. So Toastmasters is a public speaking and leadership development organization
where we basically practice giving speeches to each other
and also doing off-the-cuff speaking in something called Table Topics and evaluating each other.
Oh, wow. Okay.
So this is, and this, how long have y'all been going to this?
How long have you seen him at your group?
There isn't anybody right now, but in the past, I have waited up to a year thinking about this.
Oh, no.
And he never came around.
So I'm just trying to, like, avoid that.
Here's the thing.
When we're in environments like that where we have to, like, continue to cross paths with them,
if we're going to drop a hanky, we want to drop it very nonchalantly.
Like, oh, my gosh, Joe, I love, you know, hanging out with you here.
It's so much fun.
If you're ever open to, like, meeting offline and going out for a drink or go putt-putt or go bowling,
I would love to do that.
You just seem like a really fun person.
But please, no obligation at all.
Don't feel like it's awkward if you see me and that's not something you want to do.
I just wanted to just throw that out there because you're so fun to hang out with.
Boom.
So you cast it out, and you also let them know, like, hey, if that's not where you're, you know,
If you're not interested, please, like, no harm, no foul.
Like, we can still hang out here.
It's going to be great.
But this way, you toss it out, because, and then
if he acts super weird, then whatever.
Like, I don't know, did you really lose a best friend?
So I'm the kind of person, like you, Patty,
I used to, like, wade around, like, oh my gosh,
I think he likes me.
Like, I wished I dropped a lot more hankies a lot faster.
Would I have had more awkward moments
if it was a no?
Yes.
Would I have saved myself a lot of fantasy dreaming
and moved my butt on?
Yes.
So I would, if I could go back and tell my younger self
something, it would be drop a hanky sooner,
deal with the stink if it's a no,
but you will save yourself months of dreaming shit up
that never happens.
So I hope that answered your question.
Yes, thank you, Renee.
You bet, sweetie.
How did you know the difference between potential
for holistic mutual attraction?
All right, let's see.
Got to come on here.
OK, how did you know the difference
between the potential for holistic mutual attraction
with a man of God versus a godly man,
but you weren't really sure if you were really
attracted to him?
OK.
It's really well, like, it's convoluted.
I apologize for that.
No, no, it's OK.
I've been operating on all the cylinders.
I mean, here's what I can say about attraction.
I think that in the past, there have been seasons
where if I wasn't feeling the chemistry that Jackie would
call chaos, physical attraction right away, I kind of poo-pooed.
I think I went way over to the other side
when I first joined this program,
and I almost considered marrying a guy
that I was not physically attracted to.
It was just nothing was just coming.
And Jackie was like, oh my gosh, no, girl.
And so now my rule of thumb is I wouldn't suggest
going exclusive with somebody unless you're feeling like you
want to make out with them.
There's a part of you that should
want to kiss the guy that you're about to be exclusive with.
And if you're still feeling like, eh,
then it's probably starting to tell you something.
My suspicion is in, well, again, somebody just
mentioned when Harry met Sally.
So there are plenty of people that grow in their attraction.
And so I wouldn't want to say, well,
in 30 days, if you don't feel like you can make out with them,
then you're not attracted to them.
I feel like it may not be that hard and fast.
I would say every time you're with them,
do you want to see them more?
Every time you're with them, do you
want to hug them, hold their hand?
The longer you're with hanging out with somebody,
the closer you're going to want to connect with them.
And as long as it's more than it was the previous time
and you're starting to feel like it coming closer together,
then I think it's worth to keep kind of going forward.
Sometimes, like I have a girlfriend.
She used to be in this program a very long time ago.
She's dating.
And I actually did it.
She had me do a few private coaching sessions
with this guy.
Girl, what the heck?
He's hot.
I don't know why you're not dating this guy.
Because I have a whole suite of women.
And last year's single, I will introduce him to.
And she's waited so long for the kiss that I'm like, oh my gosh,
just kiss the guy.
Just find out if you guys like.
And so you don't want to wait so long that you've
made the first kiss a really big deal.
So sometimes you might just have to lock lips
and see if it's going to do anything.
But I would say trust your gut.
And if you're hesitant, see what's causing the hesitation.
Is it old fears coming up?
Is it lies coming up?
Or he's a really nice guy, but he's just not your guy.
Yeah, and that's the hard part, Renee.
I appreciate your description and the stories.
I just feel like in person, we really
had more of a connection.
But then we've done video calls.
And it feels like multiple ones, like both video calls
and regular phone calls in between the in-person times
of the long-distance relationship
are just feeling more and more surface and disconnected for me.
I'm not emotionally satisfied.
And I think he's fine.
And so I think for him, it's like, wow, this is great.
And I'm over here kind of just feeling really sort of like
a little bit ambivalent.
But also, he's kind of overwhelmed.
Because I'm trying to be sensitive to he gets easily
overwhelmed with emotion.
And so I'm trying to be sensitive to that.
I need to show up fully, but then I also don't want to overwhelm him.
And then I'm like, can he handle me?
I don't know.
How far away are you guys from each other?
We're literally on the opposite side of the country.
He's on the West Coast and I'm on.
I'm OK.
Normally, I feel like some of what you're experiencing, Melissa,
isn't just a physical attraction issue.
It's a long distance problem.
It is.
It is really hard to make an emotional and physical connection digitally.
And so that's why Jackie will say, like, once you see each other in person,
you need like long distance relationships are either going to move forward
or they're going to fizzle out and they will fizzle out
if you're not getting enough in-person time.
And he just may not have enough camera charisma.
And it's so like it's just it's really like when is when is the last time
you guys saw each other in person?
It's been like two or three weeks ago and we're about to see each other again.
But it's just like my I I haven't had this much trouble connecting emotionally,
even in the long distance interactions I've had with other guys.
But I think part of it is I just don't know.
Like he kind of leans avoidant and I feel like he's he's like easily overwhelmed.
Like I'll share real things with him without being like, yeah,
I'm not expecting him to regulate me.
I'm self-regulating, but I just kind of feel like he doesn't really know
how to engage or really enter in.
And he kind of ends up repeating some of the sort of basic things like,
oh, you're doing great and you're great at this.
But it just start it feels a little bit surface.
And it's like I want to be known deeply and I like to know other people deeply.
And I just am wondering if he has the emotional capacity in general to sustain that.
I understand the distance thing, but it's like it just feels like it's inconsistent.
Well, he may need and I don't know, like how often have you guys seen each other in person?
We've logged ninety one in person hours together and one at twenty five hours of that.
We're in Texas and the other sixty six hours were in his state in the northwest.
How many how many different trips was this, though?
It was just two marathon trips.
OK, and we have another one coming up where he'll see more of my world
for the first time and meet some of my key people,
because I've seen some of his world and met some of his key people, but not vice versa.
Well, here's what may be happening.
He may just need more like you like swimming on the deep end of the swimming pool.
I do, too. Yeah.
But not a lot of guys can maintain that a lot.
And so if he was having a lot of fun with you,
like if he was in the same state with you and he was having a lot of fun with you,
he might be able to have a lot of deep conversations with you peppered in between.
But if all your video dates are turning into heavy, deep conversation
and he's not getting like some fun, spontaneous spontaneity in the middle of it,
it might be it might be a lot for him that he can't handle it.
It just might mean he needs more fun.
And so I might encourage you to do on your long distance dates
is do something fun, cook a meal together, go for a walk together.
Like you walk down your town.
He walks down his town, like try to pepper in some fun activities.
So it's in between the heavy conversation
and then in person.
See, see how it is in person.
See if he can balance serious and fun.
My suspicion is how he is in person is really more real life.
And so he just may have a hard time.
If all your video dates are turning into serious conversations,
he just may have a hard time sustaining that.
I hear you.
And I agree, Renee, based on kind of what you're saying about the limits
of the male mind or maybe someone who leans avoidant.
At the same time, what tends to happen in practice is that I find myself
being way more superficial than I actually am because I'm trying to be sensitive.
And so we're just talking about all these things that are on the surface
and it's actually not that deep.
And so I go away not feeling very.
I don't want you to do that.
I don't I don't want you to just talk surface.
I actually want you guys to talk less.
I literally want you to pull out a board game.
I want you to pull out cards.
I want you guys to go to a park, like literally on a phone.
You're walking to a park together.
Like, I want you to like go shopping through an art gallery together.
Like, you know, maybe you go play pop, but he goes play pop,
but because I'm not asking you to dumb your conversations down
or make it surfacy, I'm trying to say that men have like.
not all men have the capacity to just keep having
conversation after conversation after conversation.
They want to live life because I promise you
when you're married, like I will say this,
when Brian and I were dating,
we could spend four hours every single night talking.
We do not spend four hours every single night
talking married.
I mean, like sometimes we're just,
no, I mean, sometimes we're just tired.
Sometimes we're just watching a movie.
Sometimes we are having a deep,
now the second I want a deep conversation,
Brian can go deep immediately with me.
So he has the capacity and whenever I want to,
I'm just saying that's not real life.
You're not going to be married to somebody
and have these deep questions,
conversations every single night.
Like you'll be doing life with that person.
So sometimes it's going to Kroger going,
okay, which brand saw cream do you want?
Like, it's just like, you know,
like, oh my gosh, you just farted.
You need something.
Okay.
Too real, too real.
It's so real.
Like, and so, but I will say,
pay attention to your gut when you visit with him,
when he comes, if you're feeling unsettled,
I believe that you will either lean in and feel peace
or you'll feel resistance the whole time.
Like see what your energy does in his presence.
If you lean in and you feel like this kind
of connecting thing happening,
but if you're constantly like the whole time kind of going,
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Then, you know.
Okay.
I'm going to be rooting for you, Melissa.
Like I want you, like you need a nerdy, smart guy
who can be like awesome with you.
Oh, thank you.
I can't wait to hear about it.
Thank you, Renee.
I appreciate, I appreciate the reality check as well.
I'm trying to be realistic and stay in the real world.
I know.
I'm that, that's why I'm here for you.
All right, Kalandra.
I appreciate it.
Go ahead, Kalandra.
Where'd you go?
I'll be here.
Yes.
So I've been dating a guy for a couple of months now
and he actually check marks the box off the,
both the non-negotiable and the preferences.
A lot.
And I enjoy him.
It's easy.
We're fun.
Lots of chemistry.
We can, you know, go to the gym together,
hang out, be romantic, whatever.
But I, I struggle just financially.
You know, he's, he's still in transition.
So am I.
We're kind of at the same place.
And I've always kind of had this idea in my mind,
like I just, I really want to be with a guy
that can provide, you know, financial peace.
Like, you know, I'm not a gold digger,
but I just, I just, in case I were to get pregnant,
I just want that mentally.
I want to know.
He is very smart.
He has had successful businesses in the past,
you know, gone through breakups.
He is, he's kind of showed me his vision,
what he wants to do, but I hesitate
because it's not there yet, you know?
And it's not, he's not moving ready.
You know, like in my mind, I had this expectation
that I was going to meet this guy.
He's going to be ready for a wife.
And it's just, you know, we're just going to go.
But now it's like, I'm put in a place of faith
of just like, do I, I really like this guy.
I don't want to say goodbye,
but it just doesn't feel like it's,
I don't know, I'm struggling.
Is he financially stable right now?
Yes, but he's not, like,
he's in the process of getting his own place.
He wants to build in the future.
He's had houses before.
You know, he has a great job right now.
He's busy all the time.
We only see each other like once a week.
Okay, so if he's got a job and he's got,
if he's got a job and he's financially stable,
why, what are you worried about?
Tell me what you're worried about.
I really would love him to already have a house.
You know, he's going to do the apartment thing
the next six months to a year.
He wants to build in the future.
We've talked about like, okay,
if you were to build a house, what would you want?
But he also kind of wants to do the camper van thing
and just travel.
And he has this spiritual update,
like t-shirt company, that nonprofit that he wants to do.
And I love his vision.
I love his heart, but I was like,
is this really going to pay the bills?
Or is this just something that he needs to invest
before he gets a wife?
Or am I supposed to help him?
But I'm just like, you know, I've already done
through the divorce.
How old are you?
I'm 42.
42.
Is he 40 as well?
40-ish?
He's 46.
Okay.
So it's like, we're not 30 anymore.
Like.
No, are you, are you guys dating exclusively right now?
Yes.
I'm not seeing anyone else,
but I've not said I'm his girlfriend yet.
Like he's not saying, you know,
he sees me as his girlfriend.
Has he had future kind of conversations with you?
Yes.
He's interested in pursuing a future.
Okay.
So.
Here's the beauty, he hasn't built a house yet that you actually get to help design and
decorate.
Now, I don't know that I would want to get in a van and travel, and I know that's a thing
right now.
So I think that you can have, if you guys are kind of exclusive and he's talking about
a future, I think you can have a hard and honest conversation about it and just say,
Hey, you know, I just want to get a vision for what does financial stability look like
to you?
And how do you see that playing out in a relationship?
If you get married and have kids, like what role would you want the wife to have?
What role do you think is yours to have?
And you know, what if, you know, it was us and I wasn't comfortable living in an RV for
six months.
How does that sound to you?
So it sounds like you just need to have a conversation with him.
I think that it's not like he doesn't have a job and it doesn't sound, I mean, I think
it's okay that he's renting.
I mean, Brian was renting when I met him and actually we're living in my place right now,
but he actually came into the marriage with a whole lot more money than I did.
So he was technically more financially stable.
So him not owning a home, I mean, yes, I mean, it would have been nice if he had like this
little mansion over out in the mountains, like that would have been lovely.
But if you have a really good man who is sounding financially stable and smart and savvy, all
you need to do is put on the table what your fears and concerns are and asking what his
future in that look like to see if he can start to calm your fears.
Yeah.
I wouldn't just cut in on him.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't want to say goodbye because ultimately he straight up told me, he's like, I want
to be able to make sure that you don't have to work.
I feel like it's my job as a man to, you know, provide food off like food on the table
and a roof over her head.
But I also want to maybe, so maybe you just need to trust him.
Yeah.
And that's where I'm struggling.
I do.
And I, you know, cause I lost everything in my divorce because I trusted my ex so much.
We have this, you know, and I, and we've talked about that, but it's, am I discerning something?
Cause I also, if it feels familiar, my little flags go up and I'm like, cause I don't want
to go down that path again, but I also want to project fear onto this really good guy.
You know, do you have other, this is where having a community of people that is speaking
into your life.
And so if you have other godly couples around you that are hanging out with you, they will
help sniff out if this guy's stable or not.
So we don't yet, we don't yet, but my two best friends really liked him for me and they
were surprised.
They're like, he's great.
He's so different than your ex.
Like he suits you.
We like him, you know, but we haven't gotten to go to church together.
Like really being community yet.
Okay.
So that's the, so that's the area you want to start to build now is get yourself in front
of a godly community and like have the Lord lean in and just go like, all right, we're
some godly couples.
And if you can't find one, you go and ask the pastor or you go and ask somebody at the
church like, Hey, I'm dating somebody, but I've done it wrong before.
And are there any couples in the church that would love to mentor me and or mentor me in
the person that I'm dating?
Start in a small group together because this is where your people who are watching out
for you that are already in a healthy marriage can, they'll have wisdom and discernment that
are that'll, that will help you go, okay, is this my trigger and it's just my stuff
I got to work through or is it a real concern?
And they'll help you with that so you don't have to go it alone.
So I would say don't cut and run.
If his actions are lining up with his words and he's being consistent, then have the people
around you confirm that he looks consistent and keep taking, you know, Bethany would say
this all the time too, when this stuff comes up, this is a really good opportunity for
you to take it to the Lord going, okay, because remember Jackie always says hurt in relationship,
healed in relationship.
So if your husband helped hurt your finances in the marriage, then God might be putting
you through a sifting here with him for him to heal you in this.
Now I'm not saying that he's your guy or not your guy, so, but I do think this is a really
good opportunity for you to lean in instead of jumping out.
Like you're not marrying him tomorrow, it's been a couple months, so let healthy people
get in your presence and start to make sure that his behavior matches his words and start
to see if your peace grows or your anxiety grows.
So keep going, keep going.
It's a yes until it's a no.
Keep going.
You got this.
Don't walk away.
I think you're going to learn something if you lean
in a little bit. You bet. You bet. Okay, Fran, you're up.
Where'd you go, Fran?
Hello, can you hear me?
I can hear you.
Okay, hi.
Hi.
I have a question. So I think one of my biggest challenges since I've been in the program is
just maybe being more curious. I don't know if it's actually, because sometimes like people
confirm when I say, when I see things that appear to me as red flags, but this is something that
I'm challenging myself with. So I want to run something by you and get your opinion.
So I met a guy a couple of months ago at a Christian singles event.
And basically I was talking with a group of girls, not a group, a couple of girls. So we
were the three of us talking and he came in. It was at the beginning of the event and we just
chatted waiting for the event to start. And he mentioned that it was his first time coming to
that type of event. So I let him know that there are other events like this that are happening.
And that if he wants, I can give him, you know, the information. If he wants you to know more,
if he wants you to know more and get connected. So then, you know, the event started, we went
our ways. There were a couple of activities, mingling activities and stuff like that. And so
at one point during the event, people were asked to partner up. There were actually several
activities where, you know, guys and girls were to pair for activities. And for this one, we were
wandering around the room to find a partner. And most people had found, you know, someone. And we
were one of the, him and I were one of the few people that hadn't had find anyone. So we paired
together. We didn't get to do the activity together because it ran too long and we were at
the back of the line. So that was that. And then the evening continued. And at the end, you know,
as, you know, we were just starting to just head out, everyone, I saw him, he was in the crowd,
wandering around and just kind of like, you know how it is when you don't know people, it's a bit
awkward. And I saw him, he was by himself. So I was like, oh, I'm going to talk to him and say bye
and maybe give him the contacts that I had, you know, shared earlier. So I went to him.
And if I like a guy, to be honest, I don't go to a guy like that. It's because I was like,
it felt very friendly and platonic. So that's why I was really carefree about going to him and be
like, hey, how did the event go? I told you that I was going to give you, you know, this information.
So if you, if you want, I can give, I can give that to you now. And I was like, no, I want your
number. And I live in Canada. I don't know if Americans are the same way, but Canadians are
not very straightforward. So I was kind of like, oh, and I didn't know what to say,
but I wasn't prepared. Like I was already in the program. And so I was like, I'm,
I was in the mindset of being more open. But in that instance, I was like, and he also looks very
young. So I was like, he must be in his late twenties. I'm in my mid thirties. So in my head,
he was also very young. So I was like, but from his point of view, you were being friendly.
So he could have thought you were being a little flirty with him.
So I kind of think it was great that he asked for your number, but what's your question?
So, sorry. It's so I said, no, but do you want my Instagram? I can give you my Instagram.
And it was like, no, but can I get your email? And I gave him a fake email just
because my email is my first and last name. So it's my full legal name. So if you want to
dig things about me, you can with my email. So I gave him my fake email under my IGN because
that's why I was, you know, ready to, to share with him. And I didn't feel like saying no all
the time. Like it was, he was a bit like very assertive and I didn't want to be mean. Okay.
Well, fast forward a week later, I saw him in, you know, how Instagram shows the people
in your circle, he appeared, whereas I never had him in my circle before. So I feel like maybe he
has, he had looked up, you know, my name and found me. And that's how I saw that. But he didn't make
a friend request. Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I saw him on a dating, a Christian dating
app. Okay. And then because I felt bad, I was like, Oh, ha ha ha. You're on the dating app.
You didn't add me on Instagram. So it was just like, because I
bad of giving him a fake email and then he replied the same day to be like oh I'm new
to this dating thing and I was like oh you're gonna see it's gonna be it's gonna be an interesting
ride and whatnot and then he told me do you know about this event that's happening you know in a
few days um and the event was by the organizers that I gave him the information I talked to him
about and it was like are you are you coming and I was like oh maybe because I wasn't interested
so I didn't want to send messages that you know I was looking forward to seeing him or whatnot so
I was like oh maybe I'm gonna go I was actually already planning to go but I didn't want to tell
him and so when I arrived at the event we arrived at the same time and he looked really good I saw
him in a new light and also because I had seen his profile he's actually older than me but he
looks really young um so I was looking for it and I was like oh we might have a chance to go through
the speed dating round so we'll have a chance to connect I was really looking forward to that
we didn't get a chance to connect at the at the event he left before um before I had a chance to
connect with him so afterwards I went on Instagram and was like oh did you like the event the event
was really good and he was like yes I like the event and then I replied I was like yeah um you
know it would be great for you and I to connect you know and get to know each other more and then
he never replied for a month and then a couple of days ago he messaged me and he's like well I'm
going to this event do you want to come so what should I like for me I thought that it was very
disrespectful to not have answered my message before even if you were not interested and then
a month later come back as if nothing had happened and be like oh there's this uh event coming up do
you want to come I think it I think it may have been in his defense he did ask for your number
right away you said no you gave him a fake email so you kind of pushed him off at first you know so
who knows he might have already been like missed that like you didn't want to say yes to a date
when he originally asked you do you know what I'm saying like and so he could have just been like oh
now you're coming around like we don't know right like now you're coming around so do I like that
he didn't respond to you no I don't like that so I I don't think you should be but you also have
kind of played this role where you're like helping him along too like you because I love helping
people I know I know but it doesn't mean anything it's just what I understand this is but you're
you're asking my opinion so I'm trying to give you my opinion yes so my opinion is I think it's one
thing to be friendly and ask but in my opinion you gave him a you gave him more attention than I
would for an opposite sex person that I'm not interested in like so you saw him that night and
you gave him the contact information great you didn't want to give him your phone number because
you didn't want to go on a date with him okay but then when you guys got matched up on the dating
app I wouldn't have reached out to him and I wouldn't have given that information so I feel like
it could be confusing you're you're like I'm trying to give this information out and be helpful
and he's like does she like me does she not like me does she like me does she not like me and so
I think that if you don't like that he did not respond to you I think it's okay for you to say
you know what like I feel like this has gotten really confusing you know you could even like
you have nothing to lose with this guy right so you could be like hey you know what I think
how this has all gone by is a little bit confusing if you want to ask me out on a date
you know how to reach out to me otherwise I guess we'll just run into each other you know
at future events but I don't think it's appropriate for us to go together to dating events like this
so I would just play your card play your hand directly and see how he lands with it do you
know what I'm saying but I'm just saying you've been it sounds like you've been so friendly in it
like you know how sometimes we as women are like gosh did he like me or do you not like does he
like me like if some guy had given me as much attention as you did to him I might have thought
you liked me and so and you're like I'm just trying to help this guy get into the program
right and I totally get that so I'm just saying this is a good example of was he just being
friendly was he not just being friendly and so we all do this like we all are friendly sometimes
and so it can be confusing so I think it's okay for you to say I don't I don't want you to be
pissy about it but I think it's okay for you to say like hey I may have given you mixed signals
so let me be clear would I be interesting have a one-on-one conversation with you to get to know
you better for sure do I want to go to a meetup event with
you while we're both like looking for other people? Probably not. If I run into you, I'll
of course be kind, but I don't think we need to go together. How would something like that,
because now you're like putting it out there. I like that. It's just like clear messaging.
But the event this time is not a Christian singles event. It's caribana. So it's a cruise
party or something like that on a boat. So it's a very different vibe. It's not the same.
And so he's probably going, Oh, you could be my wing woman for this. Exactly. So you don't
want to be the wing woman. I mean, and that's why you need to be honest. You don't want to
be his wing woman anymore. You might've given him the oppression accidentally that you could
have been the wing woman, but you don't want to be the wing woman. So, you know, I don't think,
you know, I don't think I, you know, and so you can be funny about it. Like, Hey,
you know, would I be up to, you know, hanging out and getting to know you a bit better? Sure.
Do I want to be your wing woman at a dating event? No, but thank you for asking.
And then this way you're clear, whatever. I may have confused you be clear,
say, but say no. And you can even be funny, but like, no, you know, no. So I think it's okay.
You're beautiful though. I feel like I don't know you that well, Fran, I need to get to know you
better. Like, I wanted to say congratulations on your wedding because the first time I saw you was
one of the videos and you were still single on the video. And then I saw you, I think a month
ago and I saw the name change. And then you said my husband, I was like, yeah, she got married.
I am proof to all of you that it could happen and it just may take longer than you wanted it to.
Hopefully y'all will not wait as long as I had to wait. But I will say y'all,
it's been like, how long have we been married? Seven, eight, nine, we've been married 10 months.
It's been good. You guys, it's been good. We really, we're really compatible. Do the program,
be patient. Don't just marry some schlep who kind of like is halfway what you want him to be.
Make sure he's the real deal. Make sure he has done his recovery work. He's done his heart work
and he's open to keep working on his stuff. Fran, you are beautiful. You're going to find your guy,
be clear, be direct, be flirty. Don't be offended. Okay. And use that beautiful smile that
you got there. Okay, Megan, I saw that you had something. I can't see bupkis tonight. So you're
going to have to tell me, Megan, what it is that you wrote in there.
Yeah, sorry. I was fixing the laundry because it was going to make a lot of noise.
Yeah, no worries. I was just sharing that I, well, I just moved to DFW and I just turned 40
and it's been great so far. I feel like I've already matched with more guys that I'm like
attracted to. And, and I've gone to a lot of like Christian events where there's more guys. So I'm
just, I feel like it's been confirmation that it's been a good move. But I did match with a guy
recently on Upword. And we, he asked to FaceTime last Sunday. And I actually wasn't sure about it
because some of his, like some of his texts at first, but like, I didn't know how sociable he
would be based on his texts. They felt very deep upfront, initially. And like, but I was like,
maybe he's just a really deep guy. And he didn't text a ton. But anyway, he asked me to FaceTime.
And it went really well. And I was really attracted to him. He's actually more like his,
in person, he's way better looking than his pics presented him. And so he's 39. He's really mature.
He seems really interested in me. He, he asked me on a date this Sunday, which I'm excited about.
Yes. It's funny, though, because he's really a big planner. And he did, even for the FaceTime,
he had asked me like, for this coming Friday, like a week and a half ago. And I was like,
well, I'm available sooner than that if you are. So he opened his schedule for this weekend.
And then when he asked me on the date, he was like, he had said next, like,
third Wednesday or Thursday, do I have available? And I'm like, do you have availability this
weekend? Because I'm like, he kind of plans too far in advance. Which I know that he's
probably not trying to look too eager. Maybe. Yeah, like that guy that's like, hey,
I'm gonna assume you have a busy life and that you've not just waiting for me to ask you out.
So it could be but it's like the FaceTime went so well. And I'm like, that's a long time between
then and anyway, he's he seems I was afraid at first that he would be too rigid, but he's still
flexible. I think he's just like, he mentions that his life is full and he so he has gone through a
lot like he was. He is sober.
now. He's been sober for nine years, but he's gone through recovery and he has been divorced,
but it's been a few years. He recently got baptized actually this past weekend. Like he
has kind of recommitted his life to God and he's really passionate about the Lord and mentors
guys. And so he said he knows in a relationship he may not have the capacity to do all as much
as he does now. And so I know like he's expressed, he would make time for that.
So I do feel like I'm learning how to navigate that with his past and like what he can handle.
Here's what might caution you. I'm going to correct you on something.
Yeah. People that do regular recovery,
like 12-step meetings. Is that what it's called? 12-step meetings?
Well, usually if you're an alcoholic and you're going to meetings, you're probably going to some
kind of 12-step meeting, which is great. Oh, 12-step. Oh, yes.
12-step meeting. But what I want to say about that is when you are with somebody who is actively
still doing 12-step type meetings, because I used to go to 12-step meetings for being codependent,
right? Or like Al-Anon. These settings, people get very deep, very fast. And so you just want
to make sure. So if that's his world and he's used to being around people and he's mentoring
people where people are being super raw, you're going to have to work really hard in these first
dates. Yeah.
Things light and level-headed and not go too deep.
Yes. I think so. And I realized maybe some of those texts at first, I was like, I showed my
friends and they thought it was funny at first. And then we both were like, oh, that's, or we all
were like, that's why he's just really, he's been through a lot. He's deep and introspective and it
makes sense that he's in a part of those groups. I do feel like, so he did send me a text yesterday
or two days ago. I can't remember, but you know, we had texted some really, we haven't been texting
a ton. He doesn't text a ton. And then we talked a lot. Yeah. Which is, I know you probably approved
that, but he did say, he said, I'd like to, you know, be really slow with our texts until we get
to know each other, which I was like, I kind of caught me off guard. And I'm like, I, and so I
said, okay, I respect that. And I was like, I feel like we're going slow already. So it's,
this is really good though. Cause you have to remember people coming out of an addiction,
they have addictive personalities. He's trying to pace himself, have the video date,
then a week later a date and slowing down the texting. I'm not saying you want to be at that
pace forever, but for somebody who has that past, that's actually showing restraint. That's what,
yeah, it does seem like good and healthy and mature. I feel like, and he's good.
Cause he's like, if I don't, I know me. Yeah. I'm going to go. Right. Right. Trying to be
level-headed. So as long as he is consistently pursuing you, you just keep enjoying it and
moving it forward. So here's what I am going to recommend the next time. If he asks you out on a
date for like, when's your date? It's on now it's on Sunday. We moved it up to Sunday. Cause I was
Sunday. So here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Okay. You moved up a couple things.
If he has a great day with you on Sunday and he doesn't invite you for another date till the
following Saturday. Yeah. You're going to take that. You're not going to make him move up a
date again. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. No, that's good. Yeah. If he's setting the pace, you want to try
to let him to continue to set the pace. Yeah, that's good. And I would hope it would be the
week. I feel like it was really for me. I'm also feel like I'm holding back some, even with
texting. Cause I'm like, I'm respecting that he doesn't want to do much, but even the fact that
the, I feel like there was mutual attraction and connection on the FaceTime. Like I want to talk
to him more. And also I can't wait to see him. Like I'm excited. So to wait 10 days, like feels
like it's going to make your, it might make your anxious. I don't know if you have anxious
attachment, but it might make your anxious attachment come out. Yeah. And I'm going to
encourage you to just lean in. Yeah. Let him lead if he's being consistent. Yeah. You want that
because we all know what happens when a guy like love bombs, all that time and attention. Yeah.
Right. Right. I feel like he's been consistent. And I, and I thought about that lately where I'm
like, normally I feel like I would get kind of worried that I'm not, you know, getting more
texts from him. Cause that happens sometimes where a guy's texting consistently, but nothing's
happening. There's no plans being met. He's making plans. And I like that. And he actually wants to
be in person and he's pursuing me. I think I just realized like, no, I had to listen to what he's
saying to me and like, believe that he's being really clear and direct with me. I appreciate
that actually. So it's really good. I'm excited. I'm excited for you. I want to see a post on Monday.
I will.
I'm glad you brought that up, Melissa, I mean, Megan, because it's really, and so for everybody
else that's hearing this, this is really good.
When a guy's putting on some pace and let's let him keep the pace and going, he might
be trying to break some patterns too.
Yeah, I think so.
And even he had mentioned it's different for him with Christian dating right now, like
just because he talked about being slow, like with purity and all that, which I agree, but
I also feel like I don't, this in a way, like sometimes Christian dating can speed
things up at the same time, like with, you know, progression because it's like you're
having to look for consistency and it's, it's going to grow, like grow.
So he's going to want to start to see you more share marks.
So we're excited for you guys.
Thanks.
All right.
It's the bottom of the hour y'all.
I'm gonna, and she was the last one with a raised hand.
So I'm going to close this out.
Father God, we just thank you so much.
I thank you for all the ladies that were flexible tonight.
I know sometimes it can be disappointing when you think it's Jackie and you get me and whatever
and like, but I'm just grateful y'all came on that you stayed.
And if you're watching this in replay, I hope you heard some fun things.
You got to know something about your sisters.
Remember we believe in community matchmaking.
So the whole goal is to continue to get to know one another, because if you have a date
with a guy that doesn't woo you, but he seems like a really great guy, he might be the right
guy for somebody else in this community.
And you won't know that if you don't get to know the other people.
So Father God, we just ask that you be with each and every single person that if there's
something that is burning in their heart that they need an answer to quickly this week,
I ask that you start to give them that answer.
And I just love all of this up in the precious name of Jesus.
Amen.
All right, you guys go have a great night.