WEBVTT

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All right, welcome to Modern Dating Sucks Book Club, week three.

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You guys, we are halfway through.

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This will be our halfway point.

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I'm in this beautiful golf room, as my mother-in-law calls it.

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It has this beautiful border of golfers.

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She created this room for her husband of 53 years, my father-in-law.

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I am here visiting my in-laws.

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My mother-in-law's having some testing.

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Thank you for keeping our family in prayer.

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What's so funny about this is that when last year's single first started, which is my program

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for marriage-minded singles, we've helped almost 2,000 people get married since 2020.

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When it first started, we called it Married in 12 Months or Less.

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That was the title of the program.

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Most of the teaching I did live right here from this room.

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It's just kind of full circle that I'm back here right now in this room.

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I think that's super fun.

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I'm just visiting.

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I'm just in Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, just for a visit.

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But I think that that's just super fun.

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It's kind of God just sort of saying, hey, remember where all of this started, and look

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where it is now, and look where I'm taking it next.

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I believe that all of you are revivalists in marriage and family, and that's why you're here.

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God has drawn you here.

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I did not draw you here with my wonderful Instagram videos or whatever it is that you

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saw that caused you to come and sign up for this.

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Maybe it was an email that was poorly written that you saw, and you were like, hey, that

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sounds great.

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I believe that God was tugging on your heart, and He was bringing you to here for such a

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time as this.

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And I do believe that your future partnership is going to be a kingdom alliance, and that

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it's going to be world-changing, not just for you and them, but also for your lineage

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and legacy.

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And so I'm so thankful that you're joining me here, where we are six years in to this

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beautiful movement, and we're going even further.

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All right, so we're going to get started.

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You guys had some homework to do.

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One of the things that you had to do was just reach out to at least one person that you

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wanted to invite onto your advisory circle, your relationship advisory circle.

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Go ahead and put in the chat if you reached out to at least one person, and we're going

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to talk a little bit more about the advisory circle, and I'll answer any questions about

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that here in a second.

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Just one, at least one person.

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And you guys, you don't really need more than three.

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You ever hear that thing that there's too many cooks in the kitchen?

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You ever hear that saying, you don't want too many cooks in the kitchen?

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Why don't you want too many cooks in the kitchen?

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For those of you that cook, why don't you want a lot of cooks in the kitchen?

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Because everybody does it differently, right?

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Everybody cooks differently.

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Everybody makes gravy differently.

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Everybody makes eggs differently, whatever it is.

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And yeah, maybe their eggs are great, but they're going to make them differently than

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you.

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Their process is going to be different than yours.

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And so because of that, a lot of times you get too many cooks in the kitchen, then you

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get a little back and forth, a little push and shove.

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So it's important that you get people on your advisory circle, in your advisory circle,

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that are people that you really know, people that you really trust, people that have different

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circles than you.

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We went over the four criteria of asking someone, what do they need to have?

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They need to have a different circle than you.

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They need to be someone who's going to, if they give you feedback, you're going to believe

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them.

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You're going to trust what they're saying, right?

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They're people that you would want to introduce possibly to someone that you are dating or

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getting to know, talking to, and they have to be people that actually believe in your

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love story.

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They have to be people that believe in your love story.

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Now I had someone write into me and ask me, Hey, what about some old pastors in my life?

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What about some old spiritual leaders in my life?

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You know, married couples, you know, can I ask them?

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You guys, there's nothing wrong with having a married couple on your, in your advisory

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circle, you know, married women, especially love to play matchmaker.

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And so there's nothing wrong with that.

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I would definitely give you, I would definitely say, be very cautious in asking anyone who

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has a pastoral role in your life, whether it's present pastoral or past pastoral.

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And the reason why is because the, your advisory circle is about accountability for you.

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It's not about authority.

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And a lot of times when someone's been in any kind of spiritual authority in your life,

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they have a tendency to not really know where the line is.

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It's not that they're bad people, but you know, they're used to being your shepherd.

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They're used to protecting you.

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They're used to keeping you safe.

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They're used to like telling you, thus sayeth the Lord.

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And it really gets a little messy when you have people like

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that speaking into your love life. And here's the reason why a lot of them, you know, they got

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married when they were really young. You know, they may not have ever dated around. They may

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not have ever been on a dating app. They may have never been in the dating pool, especially in 2026.

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A lot of them may have been married for a long, long, long, long time. And there's nothing wrong

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with that, but maybe they got married when they were 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, right? Maybe they've

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never been divorced. Maybe they've never dealt with people getting remarried that have been

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divorced. And so when it comes to someone being an authority in this area of your life, you want

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to look to coaches like me, who God has put into a place of really teaching and helping people in

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this area of their life. Just because someone's the pastor of a church doesn't mean that they

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actually are knowledgeable or wise in this area. Does that make sense to everyone? It'd be just

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like, just because they're your pastor, you're going to go and find out what they think about

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a certain supplement or whether you should take a GLP one or whether or not, you know, you should

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do this exercise routine just because they're a pastor doesn't mean that they know anything about

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that stuff. And just because someone's married doesn't mean that they know anything about dating.

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And it doesn't mean that they know anything about singleness or relationships for singles. And so I

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really want to caution you in doing that, because I have talked to a lot of pastors over the years,

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and a lot of them do not feel qualified to speak to singles, which is why they do not have singles

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programs or even groups for people over 30 years old, because they think that it's a slippery slope.

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We don't really want to have people focusing on their love life or trying to meet each other in

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church. I can't tell you how many pastors tell me that they really just don't want to get involved

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with that. And they don't really want to have that formalized at their church. They don't want to have

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something for singles that are adults, like 30 years and older. Like, yeah, the younger people,

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yeah, that's fine. We'll have some kind of young adult thing. But once you get 30 and up, you're

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kind of on your own in that area of your life. And so I would really shy away if I were you

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from asking anyone that is in a shepherding or pastoral role to be on your advisory committee,

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okay? A lot of times they think that you should just go ahead and wait on God in this area,

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that you shouldn't be trying to make this happen for yourself, even though that's not what you're

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doing. And they may really misunderstand this, and it may cause you a lot of confusion and even

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discouragement. And so I really want you to be careful with that. All right, so everyone said

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that they, a lot of people said, hey, I did, I did ask somebody, I did ask someone if they would

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be willing to keep their eye open for me. If they'd be willing to see if they know anyone

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that they can ask about a potential match for me. Cool. And some of you are like, not yet.

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I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to do it. Good, good, good. Reached out to one. That's good.

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And some of you are like, I don't really know anyone. Can't really think of anyone. That's okay.

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Hopefully all of you will take advantage of the $37 rollover to come into last year single,

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where you can meet lots of people that are single like you. And while they haven't found a match for

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themselves within their communities, it doesn't mean that there isn't a match for you within their

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communities, right? Just because you don't like the person like that, that you go to church with,

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or that you work with, doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't like that person like that, right?

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And so we'll help each other as we, as we go on in the book club, we'll talk more and more about

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community-based matchmaking before we get to the end of it. Okay. All right. All right, you guys.

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So keep asking, keep thinking, keep praying. Hey God, who can I put on my advisory circle? Who,

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who, who will continue to give you opportunities to meet each other in here? I have noticed that

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very few of you are using the community group on the app. Very few of you are asking questions.

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There's just like two or three of you that are asking questions. Very few of you are posting.

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Hardly any of you at all have joined the Facebook group, which is fine because that's just a bonus

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group, but really there's not really a lot going on in that, in that group on the app, the modern

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dating sex group. There's very little happening there. You guys are not interacting with each

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other and you're not interacting with me. So I know you guys are busy. I know life is busy. I

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know summer is coming to an end. I really want to encourage you to use this time wisely. There's a

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reason why you signed up. So now don't just sign up, make sure that you show up. Okay. All right.

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I want to jump in and I'll leave some Q and A at the end where you guys can ask more questions

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about advisory circle, whatever you want. All right. So I want to jump in tonight. So your

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reading assignment was reading the chapters, the

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next few chapters, all right?

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And doing a few, you were gonna read chapter five,

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stop dating, start choosing.

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You're gonna read chapter six, readiness over romance.

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And this week's homework that you're gonna do

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going into next week is your non-negotiables worksheet.

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And I'm gonna talk more about that tonight

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so that even if you started it,

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I'm gonna give you some more information on it

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so that you can continue to build it, okay?

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Because that's gonna be super important.

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You guys, non-negotiables and that worksheet

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and the work that we do a little bit this week at the end

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and next week is gonna be really important

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because that is what you're going

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to give your advisory circle.

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That is what you're gonna use

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when you're swiping on the app.

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Everything has to point back to that.

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I own a company.

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And it's not just the company that you guys see.

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I own a media company, Jane Media.

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And we have a vision statement.

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It's an internal vision statement in our company.

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And every single thing that we do

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has to point back to the vision statement or we don't do it.

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That's what a vision statement's for.

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That's what a mission statement's for

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when you have a company.

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What is it for?

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It's to keep you in alignment with your vision.

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How many of you would admit that life

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is kind of coming at all of us fast

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and there's a lot of opportunities

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and there's a lot of distractions

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and there's a lot of stuff going on

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and it's really easy to get off track?

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Anybody else?

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It's really easy to get off track.

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And so the reason why we're gonna do this kind of work

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is because say you decide to get back on the apps

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at the end of the book club.

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You should be on a sabbatical right now.

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If you're not, then you weren't paying attention

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and you weren't listening and you weren't taking the wisdom

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that was being offered you.

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You should be on a pause right now from your dating apps.

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But say you decide to get back on them

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because you feel empowered at the end of this book club

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and I believe you will.

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You're empowered with tools, you have new information,

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you feel like a new person,

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you're ready to get back out there and meet some new people

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and you get to swipe in and you're like,

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whoo, that person looks good.

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I like the way that person looks.

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I like the way their hair falls.

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I like the way their chin looks.

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I like whatever.

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I like what they say in their little tagline here.

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Now because you're just like, whoo,

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the work that we're doing now,

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especially this kind of non-negotiable worksheet,

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you're gonna be able to apply that to that person

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maybe even before you meet them.

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You might be reading through their bio

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and you see one of your non-negotiables

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and you're like, eh, I know I'm gonna swipe on this person

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because right here I can see that it's not a fit.

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And that little voice of anxiety,

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that anxious attachment voice that used to be in you

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saying, oh, but they're cute.

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Go ahead, go ahead, swipe on them anyway.

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You'd be like, get out of here, all right,

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to that little voice because you already know

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that you've done the work and you know

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that you don't wanna waste any more time.

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So you're not gonna swipe.

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Say you do swipe because there's nothing apparent

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that's a deal breaker and you get to know that person

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over some conversations and then there's the deal breaker.

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Then you see the non-negotiable.

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Maybe it'll take you a few dates in,

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maybe get in person with them, maybe a phone call or two.

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And as long as there's no non-negotiables being broken,

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no deal breakers, then it's a yes until it's a no.

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I'm gonna talk more about what you guys should be doing

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in the first 30 days, 60 days, and 90 days

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as you're getting to know someone with potential.

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We'll talk about that next week.

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But right now, I just wanna tell you

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that the work you're doing this week and next week

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are very important to your success, all right?

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Okay, so I'm gonna talk about the reading assignment.

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I wanna just highlight some of the things

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that you learned when you read these chapters.

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All right, I talk about someone in these chapters

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called Jenny and James.

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And you guys, these are true stories.

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The names have been changed, but they are true stories.

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So Jenny and James, they both came to me for matchmaking.

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They both came to me for dating coaching.

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And Jenny was 49 years old, never married,

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and she'd been dating intentionally for years.

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You guys, years and years and years.

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And she came to me with a list, an actual list,

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a several page long list that had a lot of preferences

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on it, height, profession, zip code, right?

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She even thought that it showed whether a man had character,

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whether or not he still had his same best friend

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from childhood.

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She had been on over 200 first dates, single.

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And then there was James.

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He was divorced.

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He had two children and he had done his work.

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He did heart work with me in my program.

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He was ready to try again.

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Was he perfect?

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No, but was he progressing?

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Yes.

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and his main requirements were just a few things.

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He had just a few things on his non-negotiable list.

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She had to want to relocate

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because he had a shared parenting agreement.

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So she had to want to be part of a blended family.

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She had to be willing to relocate to be with him

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if she didn't already live locally,

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to be part of a blended family.

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She had to be willing to stay in that city

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until the kids were adults.

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That's hard, you guys.

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I was in a blended family and I certainly wanted to move.

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It was this city, Columbus, Ohio.

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I didn't want to live here for another 10 years,

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but I had to because I had a shared parenting agreement

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with my former husband and my new husband

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had a shared parenting agreement with his former wife.

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So these were his non-negotiables.

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She had to share his faith.

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She had to be open to a blended family.

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She had to be willing to do the things

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that he needed to do

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in order to fulfill his shared parenting agreement.

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And that was it.

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Everything else he said was negotiable.

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And so I introduced him to a few people

286
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and the third person he actually got engaged to

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11 months later.

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Guess what?

289
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Jenny is still single.

290
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Jenny's still single.

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All right, so I want you to go ahead

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and put in the chat now,

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who are you more like right now in your life?

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Are you more like Jenny or are you more like James?

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Be honest.

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We're not grading you, be honest.

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Are you more like Jenny or are you more like James?

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Some of you are like, not quite like Jenny, but I am picky.

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Someone said they're James, but they're moving towards Jenny.

300
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You don't want to move towards Jenny, baby.

301
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You want to move away from Jenny.

302
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Don't be moving towards Jenny.

303
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Christine's like, I used to be like James,

304
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but hopefully I'm now more like Jenny.

305
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Come on, there's a lot more people here

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than are answering in the chat.

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Get an answer up.

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All right, people are like, I'm trying not to be a Jenny.

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Now, if your name is Jenny in here, forgive me, okay?

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James, Jenny, those are just, you know,

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those are just kind of basic names.

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So pick those names, but it's not like a situation

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where we're making it into a game.

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We're not making it into a game.

315
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We're just trying to figure it out.

316
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So if you're not like Jenny,

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you're not like James, you're not like Jenny,

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you're not like James, you're not like Jenny,

319
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you're not like James, you're not like Jenny,

320
00:17:42.520 --> 00:17:45.040
we're making it into a bad verb or something.

321
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Okay, don't be a Jenny, it's not like that at all.

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So if your name is Jenny, don't take it personally.

323
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All right.

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So we wanna start taking our list.

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If you have a Jenny list, if you've been more like a Jenny,

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we're gonna turn it into a James list.

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Non-negotiables are based on principles.

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They're not based on preferences.

329
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They're not based on hurt and trauma.

330
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They're not based on any of those things.

331
00:18:19.960 --> 00:18:21.120
And we're gonna talk about that

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because I'm gonna help you begin

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00:18:22.320 --> 00:18:25.040
to build your non-negotiable list tonight.

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00:18:25.040 --> 00:18:28.280
But let's talk about the rest of chapter five and six.

335
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Talking about, we're gonna stop dating

336
00:18:30.420 --> 00:18:32.080
like disgruntled daters.

337
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I can't tell you how many disgruntled daters I've had.

338
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People hate dating.

339
00:18:36.140 --> 00:18:37.100
They don't wanna date.

340
00:18:37.100 --> 00:18:38.640
They don't understand why they have to date.

341
00:18:38.680 --> 00:18:41.040
They don't understand why God doesn't just drop their spouse

342
00:18:41.040 --> 00:18:42.640
out of the sky on them like a house

343
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on the Wicked Witch of the East and the Wizard of Oz.

344
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They don't understand why that's not happening for them.

345
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Hey, if God wants it, then why does he just make it happen?

346
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:51.840
Why do I have to go out here

347
00:18:51.840 --> 00:18:54.000
and do this modern thing called dating?

348
00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:57.480
Jackie, you already told us that the system is messed up.

349
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You already told us that dating's unnatural.

350
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So why should I have to do it?

351
00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:03.120
Well, here's the thing.

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We live in a time that you've been matched with

353
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:07.920
and I've been matched with.

354
00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:09.960
You could have been living in those olden times,

355
00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:11.320
but that's not where God put you.

356
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He put you in the timeline right now.

357
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And this is the way things are out here.

358
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So you can complain about it and be a disgruntled dater,

359
00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:21.880
or you can start to have what I call matchmaker mindset.

360
00:19:21.880 --> 00:19:24.040
You can begin to move through life differently.

361
00:19:24.040 --> 00:19:26.800
Who wants to move through their dating life differently?

362
00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:28.440
Instead of complaining about what is,

363
00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:33.440
yes, the first two sessions in the first part of the book

364
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:35.160
we talk about what the problem is.

365
00:19:35.160 --> 00:19:36.880
We name the problem.

366
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:39.240
But now we're going to start to talk about the solution.

367
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We're going to talk about us becoming the solution

368
00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.880
and us becoming the change, right?

369
00:19:45.840 --> 00:19:47.040
We talked about our scripts.

370
00:19:47.040 --> 00:19:49.400
We talked about the broken system.

371
00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:51.300
We talked about the village that we lost,

372
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but now we're going to begin to rebuild these things.

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We're going to begin to come out of our scripts.

374
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We're going to begin to rebuild our village.

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00:19:59.040 --> 00:20:00.840
We're going to begin to have a match.

376
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.800
maker mindset and I tell, I talk about this analogy in the book about going

377
00:20:04.800 --> 00:20:08.080
shopping and hopefully this really resonated with a lot of you.

378
00:20:08.080 --> 00:20:11.480
I felt like this was a download from heaven because there's two types of

379
00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:14.120
shoppers. There's shoppers and then there's buyers.

380
00:20:14.120 --> 00:20:16.600
There's people that are just wandering around and they don't know what they're

381
00:20:16.600 --> 00:20:19.320
looking for. And I just want to tell you, I'm not that kind of shopper.

382
00:20:19.520 --> 00:20:21.000
I don't enjoy going to the malls.

383
00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.800
I don't enjoy going to the marketplaces and just wandering around and just

384
00:20:24.800 --> 00:20:28.960
looking at things. La la la la la la la la la. In fact,

385
00:20:29.040 --> 00:20:34.040
my worst nightmare is going into a store that I don't want anything in,

386
00:20:34.520 --> 00:20:38.400
but I'm just looking around and having some, you know,

387
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:43.480
intense salesperson try to get me to buy something before I leave that store.

388
00:20:45.400 --> 00:20:49.880
I don't go into stores that sell like individual things like mattresses or

389
00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:51.960
appliances because you know what?

390
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:55.320
The only type of people that should truly go in that store are buyers,

391
00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:59.640
people that are truly in the market for that thing because those people work on

392
00:20:59.640 --> 00:21:01.960
commission. And if you go in there,

393
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:05.800
they are not going to let you leave until you buy a new mattress.

394
00:21:07.040 --> 00:21:08.840
That's what they're trained to do.

395
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:13.360
So they see you coming. And even though that's not,

396
00:21:13.360 --> 00:21:16.800
that wasn't in your intention, it wasn't your intention to buy a mattress today.

397
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:19.480
You're going to be buying one. Okay?

398
00:21:19.640 --> 00:21:23.600
You're going to be on a payment plan and you're going to be buying a mattress.

399
00:21:24.120 --> 00:21:28.320
So I don't like that. So I always say, I don't go shopping.

400
00:21:28.320 --> 00:21:32.760
I go buying, meaning I only go to the store when I'm in the market for something

401
00:21:32.760 --> 00:21:36.200
that I need. I know what it is and I'm going to get it.

402
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:40.520
Is anyone else disciplined like me or you just go wandering around?

403
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:44.840
You know, some people actually enjoy that.

404
00:21:45.040 --> 00:21:48.920
I have friends that enjoy just going to the store and trying on clothes that

405
00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:53.120
they're not going to buy and they're just waiting for something to hit them.

406
00:21:53.560 --> 00:21:55.760
They're waiting for it to look in the mirror and be like,

407
00:21:56.760 --> 00:22:00.400
I can't live without this thing. I didn't intend to buy it,

408
00:22:00.760 --> 00:22:05.680
but I came here and I saw it and I tried it on and now I can't live without it.

409
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:09.360
So I'm going to buy it. And some of you run your dating life like that.

410
00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:12.240
You don't know what you're looking for.

411
00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.200
You're just looking for something and you think that you're going to know it

412
00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:16.880
when you see it,

413
00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:20.640
you feel like you're going to feel the feelings of it when you see it.

414
00:22:21.080 --> 00:22:22.120
And the problem is,

415
00:22:22.120 --> 00:22:25.720
is that there are a lot of people out there that are going to try to sell you

416
00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:29.360
something that you don't want and you don't need because they see you as an easy

417
00:22:29.360 --> 00:22:30.200
mark.

418
00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:36.880
Right? So we're not going to live like that anymore.

419
00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.400
Let's talk about the disgruntled dater. The disgruntled dater is reactive.

420
00:22:42.040 --> 00:22:45.800
Dating is something that's happening to them, something that they endure,

421
00:22:46.320 --> 00:22:48.120
something that they complain about a lot.

422
00:22:48.800 --> 00:22:51.920
They have high hopes that this time's going to be different,

423
00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:54.120
but it's always followed by more disappointment.

424
00:22:54.560 --> 00:22:58.880
And they respond usually by either lowering their expectations or adding

425
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:02.560
another line item to their very long list that they already have.

426
00:23:04.040 --> 00:23:07.920
And a lot of you that are disgruntled daters are asking yourself the exhausted

427
00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:12.400
question, is it worth trying anymore? How many of you have asked yourself that?

428
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.960
Put it in the chat. You're like, why am I still even trying?

429
00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:20.400
Should I even be trying anymore? Should I even bother anymore?

430
00:23:20.800 --> 00:23:24.680
You guys are waiting for love to happen to you. You're browsing.

431
00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:28.160
You're not intentionally choosing. You're just browsing.

432
00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:30.360
When you're on those dating apps, you're just browsing.

433
00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:34.200
You're seeing if something hits you. You're seeing if, if something,

434
00:23:34.200 --> 00:23:36.040
if you see something you just can't live without.

435
00:23:40.120 --> 00:23:42.640
All right. The matchmaker. And how do I know this?

436
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:45.440
Because I am one and I've been one for a really long time.

437
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:49.240
The matchmaker thinks the opposite of this.

438
00:23:49.800 --> 00:23:51.080
We're not passive.

439
00:23:51.640 --> 00:23:56.080
We don't hope that love is just going to find people. Okay.

440
00:23:56.280 --> 00:23:58.240
We're deliberate. We're purposeful.

441
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.680
We're intentional with everything that we do.

442
00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:04.280
It's not a colder clinical way of living. You guys,

443
00:24:04.280 --> 00:24:07.720
I don't want you to think of it as totally cerebral, no hearts involved.

444
00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.400
Think of it more as follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

445
00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:16.320
It's not cold. It's not clinical. It's warm. It's friendly.

446
00:24:16.520 --> 00:24:18.480
It's being truly interested in people.

447
00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:23.440
I deeply believe that love is possible for every single person that wants it,

448
00:24:23.800 --> 00:24:28.920
but you have to take concrete steps towards it that are

449
00:24:28.920 --> 00:24:33.680
intentional and deliberate and have been planned in advance. Case in point.

450
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:34.760
For those of you that are Christians,

451
00:24:34.760 --> 00:24:36.640
I know we have some people in here are not Christians,

452
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:37.960
but the majority of you are.

453
00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:42.760
So I'm going to speak to you from what I consider the ancient wisdom,

454
00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:48.320
the word of God. And that says that we make our plans, who? People,

455
00:24:48.320 --> 00:24:51.600
humans, but then God orders our steps. And you guys,

456
00:24:51.760 --> 00:24:53.760
that scripture reads just like that.

457
00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:58.640
Man makes the plans, man, woman, mankind.

458
00:24:58.680 --> 00:24:59.880
We make plans.

459
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.140
But then God orders steps. So if you want God to order your steps in this area of your life

460
00:25:05.140 --> 00:25:10.940
You have to make a plan if you want God to order your steps in your finances. You have to make a plan

461
00:25:10.940 --> 00:25:12.940
I got out of debt in

462
00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:19.460
2018 I

463
00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:24.180
Got totally out of debt in 2018 and you're like Jackie. Why were you in debt? Because I was I was

464
00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:30.740
A minister I spent years and years decades in ministry and ministry doesn't pay any money

465
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:38.080
Just in case you didn't know that about ministry. It doesn't pay any money. And so I had regular debt

466
00:25:38.080 --> 00:25:40.880
I didn't have like credit card debt. I had regular debt

467
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:42.880
I had I had debt that just kind of

468
00:25:43.180 --> 00:25:48.320
Accumulated because every month was kind of robbing Peter to pay Paul kind of situation

469
00:25:48.320 --> 00:25:51.440
it was feast or famine in full-time ministry and

470
00:25:51.900 --> 00:25:59.220
And one year I was really really really upset about never being able to

471
00:26:00.500 --> 00:26:05.380
Do the things that I wanted to do. I wanted to take my daughter on a vacation for her 16th birthday

472
00:26:05.380 --> 00:26:07.020
I couldn't afford to do it

473
00:26:07.020 --> 00:26:12.620
I didn't understand why I spent all this time like doing the work of the Lord and building the kingdom of God and yet I

474
00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:17.780
Didn't have enough extra money. Just take my daughter to California. She wanted to go to California for her

475
00:26:18.340 --> 00:26:20.140
16th birthday and

476
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:24.800
God really challenged that thinking he challenged me and I'm here to challenge your thinking about your love life

477
00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:27.120
Because I know you're just waiting for God to do it for you

478
00:26:27.120 --> 00:26:30.160
A lot of you are a lot of you are running that passive faith script

479
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:35.200
You're like, oh, I'll just know them when I know them. I'm gonna feel it. You know, I'm a disgruntled dater

480
00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:38.080
That's just walking around and I'm really unhappy

481
00:26:38.080 --> 00:26:43.160
But one of these days God's gonna pull my proverbial number up in the holy lottery of heaven

482
00:26:43.160 --> 00:26:48.880
And he's gonna call it winner winner chicken dinner and it's gonna be my turn and you wouldn't admit that you feel that way

483
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:51.420
But your actions really show that you feel that way

484
00:26:51.940 --> 00:26:57.660
You're just waiting for it to just serendipitously happen to you. And that's what I was kind of doing with my finances

485
00:26:57.740 --> 00:27:02.960
You know, a lot of churches will even do this during offering. They'll be like, they'll have you recite something that says

486
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:09.240
Surprises and money and checks in the mail and unexpected rebates

487
00:27:10.900 --> 00:27:15.820
Things like one day God's is gonna show up and he's gonna pay all your bills off and whoa

488
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:19.000
And I'm not saying that God doesn't bless people financially

489
00:27:19.160 --> 00:27:23.140
But I'm saying that it's an even better plan to live a blessed life

490
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:26.720
When you take what is in your hand and you ask yourself

491
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:30.900
What's in my hand and you ask God to multiply it by deliberate action?

492
00:27:30.900 --> 00:27:35.740
And that's what God taught me in 2018 and guess what? Not only did I take my daughter to California

493
00:27:35.740 --> 00:27:39.900
I actually got completely out of debt and I've been out of debt ever since come on y'all

494
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:41.520
and

495
00:27:41.520 --> 00:27:46.860
I want to take that same premise and apply it to your love life because a lot of you are still just waiting for

496
00:27:46.860 --> 00:27:48.860
Something to happen to you

497
00:27:49.020 --> 00:27:53.020
When the Word of God the ancient wisdom actually says that God has given you

498
00:27:53.980 --> 00:27:55.920
the ability

499
00:27:55.920 --> 00:27:57.920
to live abundantly in

500
00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:04.040
Proverbs 8 18 it says God has given you the ability to prosper. He's given you the power to prosper

501
00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:08.660
And that that that doesn't talk. It's not talking about just your finances

502
00:28:08.660 --> 00:28:16.000
It's talking about in every area of your life. And so friends, it's important that we start thinking about this deliberately and not passively

503
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:21.640
We have to take action. We have to have a plan and then if we have a plan

504
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:24.600
God promises that he'll actually order our steps

505
00:28:24.600 --> 00:28:28.060
A lot of people are worried about getting a plan because they're like what if I get out of the will of God?

506
00:28:29.120 --> 00:28:33.760
Well, first of all, the will of God is that you would live in joy, peace and righteousness

507
00:28:34.320 --> 00:28:36.320
That's the will of God concerning you

508
00:28:37.100 --> 00:28:41.140
So you're not going to get out of the will of God because you made a dating resume

509
00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:43.620
For your dating profile

510
00:28:43.620 --> 00:28:47.980
You're not going to get out of the will of God by being on a hinge or bumble or any of those things

511
00:28:48.220 --> 00:28:54.020
Because you put your shingle out there just in case anyone wants to see that you are indeed single and ready to mingle

512
00:28:54.920 --> 00:28:59.100
Because once you make a plan then what happens steps start getting ordered

513
00:28:59.780 --> 00:29:03.460
That's what starts happening, especially if you're not out here willy-nilly

514
00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:06.400
You have a plan

515
00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:10.980
You've done the work. You've made your list of non-negotiables

516
00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:14.000
You've presented them to God

517
00:29:14.080 --> 00:29:19.800
You said hey, are there any preferences here? I have any walls that I built around myself to keep myself safe

518
00:29:19.800 --> 00:29:24.480
We're gonna talk about that in a second with the non-negotiables and if the answer is no, then you're like, okay

519
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:30.920
This is what I need in a partner and it's okay for me to insist that these five or six things is

520
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:33.440
is in this

521
00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:40.160
Connection because if it's not then I'm gonna say thank you, but it's time for us to go our separate ways

522
00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:44.160
Right

523
00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:48.000
Right. All right, you guys these are good stuff. This is good stuff. Okay

524
00:29:50.600 --> 00:29:54.440
Oh, okay, so we're not gonna be browsers anymore you guys we're going to be

525
00:29:55.300 --> 00:29:58.340
Choosers and guess what choosers have options

526
00:29:59.080 --> 00:30:01.080
there's a

527
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.880
Old saying I think I said it last week that just says beggars can't be choosers, but you're not a beggar

528
00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:10.760
Are you you're not an orphan? You're a child of God. So beggars may not be able to choose but

529
00:30:11.280 --> 00:30:15.080
Children of God get to choose so beggars can't be choosers

530
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.320
But children of God are choosers and choosers have options

531
00:30:20.440 --> 00:30:22.540
It's important for you to understand that I

532
00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:27.280
Think a lot of people also just want God to choose for them because they're really afraid of making a mistake

533
00:30:27.280 --> 00:30:32.080
And so they wait to see that the signs are lining up that this is the person God's choosing for them

534
00:30:32.240 --> 00:30:38.240
So that they don't have to use their own brain to decide whether or not if this person is a good fit or not

535
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:41.640
And that's what the dating framework that we're gonna go over next week

536
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:47.800
The 30 to 90 days is gonna help you decide whether or not this person is a good long-term fit for you or not

537
00:30:47.840 --> 00:30:54.680
What should you be looking for? What should you be asking the first 30 60 90 days? What should be happening? What shouldn't be happening?

538
00:30:58.080 --> 00:31:00.880
I can't tell you how many people I sit down with that said well

539
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:04.600
I just really felt like God said that this was my person because I was praying about it

540
00:31:04.600 --> 00:31:09.480
And then I met them the next day and yet they violated all their non-negotiables within the first 30 days

541
00:31:10.600 --> 00:31:13.040
Why did why would God choose someone like that for you?

542
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:17.600
They're like, well, you know all the signs lined up. It seemed really supernatural

543
00:31:17.600 --> 00:31:20.960
You know, I was praying and then someone introduced me to them or you know

544
00:31:20.960 --> 00:31:25.400
God told me that my future husband's name was Steven and this guy's name is Steven

545
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:27.400
It's just you guys silly things

546
00:31:27.720 --> 00:31:34.880
But what the way they were doing is they were ignoring all the things that they already knew weren't healthy weren't good

547
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:42.280
They were outsourcing their love life to heaven and they were becoming very passive

548
00:31:43.840 --> 00:31:49.360
They weren't doing their part they were expecting God to do their part and his part guys

549
00:31:49.360 --> 00:31:53.480
I just I just realized the other day that one of my guys

550
00:31:54.320 --> 00:32:00.760
That was in my program that just got married and I was really excited for him that he met someone

551
00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:04.240
Until I found out that he met someone that lived

552
00:32:05.280 --> 00:32:07.280
2,200 miles away and

553
00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:13.080
He was planning on relocating to be with her and leaving his children behind

554
00:32:14.840 --> 00:32:16.480
And that happened

555
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:18.480
That should have been on his non-negotiable list

556
00:32:18.600 --> 00:32:21.240
Look, I'm not here to judge or throw anybody under the bus

557
00:32:21.240 --> 00:32:24.160
But I'm here to tell you that if you have minor children that are still at home

558
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:28.080
I don't care if you're the mother or their father that should be on your list of non-negotiables

559
00:32:28.080 --> 00:32:32.000
It's not moving away from them and giving them an absentee parent

560
00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:34.920
I'm not talking about just moving the next County over

561
00:32:35.560 --> 00:32:42.080
Where you can continue to get your visitation days continue to go to their soccer games continue to be with them continue to be present

562
00:32:42.080 --> 00:32:46.800
In their life. I'm talking about maybe you're gonna see them for a couple weeks in the summer because now you live an entire

563
00:32:47.080 --> 00:32:49.080
continent away from them

564
00:32:51.240 --> 00:32:53.240
That ain't God

565
00:32:56.400 --> 00:32:58.400
That's a no

566
00:32:58.800 --> 00:33:00.200
Okay. All right

567
00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:05.120
There's some things that are pretty black and white and wrong and right y'all and that's not that needs to be on your

568
00:33:05.320 --> 00:33:07.320
non-negotiable if you have minor children

569
00:33:07.480 --> 00:33:15.320
That still need your presence in their upbringing because you brought them into this world and you need to put them first

570
00:33:17.800 --> 00:33:20.760
Then that should be on your non-negotiable list, okay

571
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:28.280
All right, let's talk about the non-negotiables. I'm gonna give you kind of a preview tonight. You already have the full worksheet

572
00:33:28.280 --> 00:33:30.280
I want you to work on it and then

573
00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:36.520
Next week the very first thing that we're gonna do is share the non-negotiables when we start our session sound good

574
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:40.240
So let's go over the foundation of the non-negotiables

575
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:43.320
the very first thing that you're looking for is

576
00:33:44.040 --> 00:33:46.040
character

577
00:33:46.040 --> 00:33:50.360
The second thing is capacity. So characters who are they when that and when no one's watching

578
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:53.200
How do they treat people?

579
00:33:53.200 --> 00:34:01.160
Obviously the servers at the restaurant their former spouses you guys if everyone did them wrong and they didn't own their side of the street

580
00:34:01.160 --> 00:34:07.520
That's not someone who has character. That's not someone who's done hard work. Okay, how do they treat people who can't give anything to them?

581
00:34:08.199 --> 00:34:14.239
Do their stories always make them sound like the victim and how do they handle being wronged?

582
00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:18.739
How do they handle being wrong? And how do they handle being wronged by others?

583
00:34:18.739 --> 00:34:22.179
That's gonna be some important stuff and you're not gonna get to know that right away

584
00:34:22.179 --> 00:34:27.460
That's gonna be stuff that you're gonna learn about them over time. But this is how you're gonna build your non-negotiables

585
00:34:27.580 --> 00:34:32.659
Okay, you're gonna say I need someone who is has humility

586
00:34:34.060 --> 00:34:36.060
right

587
00:34:36.340 --> 00:34:39.580
Capacity and we'll go into more character things. I'm just gonna do a little overview

588
00:34:40.260 --> 00:34:45.940
Capacity do they have space in their life for a relationship? Can they show up?

589
00:34:46.540 --> 00:34:48.739
Do they have real-time real space?

590
00:34:49.540 --> 00:34:53.060
real emotional and practical room in their life for you

591
00:34:53.820 --> 00:34:59.460
Compatibility to your to your lives fit with each other not whether you like the same things

592
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.080
But do you guys fit? Do you fit together? Do you want the same kind of life?

593
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:09.680
Do you want the same kind of future? When you picture your future over the next five years,

594
00:35:09.680 --> 00:35:15.360
is it similar to what they're picturing for their future? Conviction. Do your deepest values in your

595
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:21.600
life align? Not opinions, deepest values, things that you would fight for, hills that you would

596
00:35:21.600 --> 00:35:27.280
die on. Do they align with each other's? Community. Do they have real people in their life? Do they

597
00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:32.560
know how to do relationship with other people? That's going to be important. You don't want a

598
00:35:32.560 --> 00:35:37.920
lone wolf. Ladies, gentlemen, you don't want a woman who has been in a fight with every best

599
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:43.520
friend she ever had. She's burned every bridge that she's ever crossed. No, that's no good.

600
00:35:45.040 --> 00:35:50.800
We do not want that. Okay. All right.

601
00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:57.040
We want marriage-minded people, not marriage curious. Marriage-minded people are people that,

602
00:35:57.040 --> 00:36:01.360
yeah, they don't want to try to lock you down right when you meet them as far as like,

603
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:05.920
you're my future husband or you're my future wife. But they're not naming, you know,

604
00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:13.520
your future children on date two, but they are living their life in a direction where commitment

605
00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:19.840
Now, ladies, you have to be careful because you can't ask a guy on date one, two, or three. If,

606
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:23.920
you know, he wants to get married someday because he thinks you're talking about you and him.

607
00:36:25.520 --> 00:36:29.120
And he thinks that if he answers yes to that, you're going to think he's going to think that,

608
00:36:29.120 --> 00:36:33.280
that you're going to think that he's saying that he sees you as a potential partner.

609
00:36:34.240 --> 00:36:38.000
So you have to phrase that differently. You can phrase it in a way that you're

610
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:44.000
you as a potential partner. So you have to phrase that differently. You can phrase it like,

611
00:36:44.640 --> 00:36:51.920
Hey, you know, right now, you know, you're dating. Are you dating to find a lifetime partner? Are

612
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:56.480
you dating for marriage? Is that what you're doing here on these dating apps? Are you looking

613
00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:03.360
for someone to spend the rest of your life with, or are you just here? You know, she don't say

614
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:08.000
wasting people's time. Now you're going to say, are, but you know, are you here for,

615
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:12.960
you know, just low key commit, like, you know, just getting to know people.

616
00:37:17.600 --> 00:37:22.320
Are you just browsing or are you buying now? Okay. Marriage curious.

617
00:37:24.560 --> 00:37:28.000
Means that, yeah, they think marriage is good. They believe in marriage,

618
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:34.080
but it doesn't, their life does not reflect any practical way that they're preparing for marriage.

619
00:37:35.200 --> 00:37:42.080
They might actually make a good spouse someday, but that someday is not going to be any time soon.

620
00:37:44.240 --> 00:37:49.600
Anytime soon. All right. Okay. So when we make our non-negotiable list, you guys,

621
00:37:49.600 --> 00:37:55.760
we're going to do a brain dump. We're going to do a brain dump. And in that step one of

622
00:37:55.760 --> 00:38:00.800
your brain dump, and you have a worksheet that reiterates this, but you're going to just

623
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:04.800
put every quality, every trait, everything that you wish for

624
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:12.720
in a potential spouse on the piece of paper. You guys know how to do a brain dump. You guys

625
00:38:12.720 --> 00:38:16.800
know how to do a mind map. Okay. That's what you're going to do. Just bump it, dump it all.

626
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:20.560
You don't have to censor it. You don't have to filter it. Just dump it all there.

627
00:38:21.520 --> 00:38:26.640
Okay. And then you're going to sort out what you put on that into those five categories,

628
00:38:26.640 --> 00:38:31.440
character, capacity, compatibility, conviction, and community. You're going to sort out those

629
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:34.640
things and then you're going to list them underneath those headings.

630
00:38:37.120 --> 00:38:43.920
And then once you do that, you're going to whittle that down to five to 10 things, not 23.

631
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:48.560
Because a lot of times people have 23 things, the way that they'll have it as this, they'll say,

632
00:38:49.360 --> 00:38:55.360
someone who takes care of themselves and lives an active lifestyle. That's your non-negotiable.

633
00:38:56.080 --> 00:38:58.880
But then you're going to spell out how they take care of themselves. And that becomes

634
00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:02.640
preferences. You're going to say, they like to hike. They like to bike. They like to swim.

635
00:39:03.680 --> 00:39:08.800
You know, they're a size six, they're a size 10, you know, they're, you know, whatever.

636
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:12.800
Their cholesterol is under 140. You know, they're just going to start

637
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:17.360
you know, they're just going to start lumping that all together in that situation.

638
00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:21.520
Don't do that. That's getting into preferences.

639
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:29.440
It's okay that you want someone who takes care of themselves and is healthy and lives a healthy

640
00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:34.960
lifestyle. You don't get to decide what that looks like. Cause that gets into the preference.

641
00:39:36.080 --> 00:39:40.400
Someone can be very healthy and leave, uh, and live a really healthy lifestyle,

642
00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:46.480
but they like to walk. They don't like to hike or bike or it's not that they don't like it.

643
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:49.520
They just don't do it. It doesn't mean that they won't do it with you someday.

644
00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:53.440
You guys active, healthy people are active, healthy people.

645
00:39:55.040 --> 00:39:59.840
Outdoorsy, active, healthy people are outdoorsy, active, healthy people.

646
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.080
Just because they don't do the same thing as you outdoors, doesn't mean that they're

647
00:40:05.080 --> 00:40:06.080
violating your non-negotiable.

648
00:40:06.080 --> 00:40:10.260
This is where you start getting picky.

649
00:40:10.260 --> 00:40:16.920
This is where you can start sabotaging yourself and making your dating pool really small.

650
00:40:16.920 --> 00:40:17.920
Really really really small.

651
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:18.920
Okay.

652
00:40:18.920 --> 00:40:19.920
All right.

653
00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:26.520
Um, all right, so you're going to filter those the way that you're going to filter down the

654
00:40:26.520 --> 00:40:27.520
brain dump.

655
00:40:27.520 --> 00:40:30.320
So you do the brain dump, then you put it in the categories and the way you're going

656
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:35.320
to filter that down is all of the things that you think actually might be a non-negotiable

657
00:40:35.320 --> 00:40:36.320
and not a preference.

658
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:42.760
You're going to run them past my test question and the test question is if they don't have

659
00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:50.400
this thing, could I still be happy with them for the rest of my life?

660
00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:53.880
Could I have a happy marriage with them if they don't have this thing?

661
00:40:53.880 --> 00:40:58.880
Could I have a happy marriage with them if they weren't six feet tall or taller?

662
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.720
The answer is yes, you could.

663
00:41:00.720 --> 00:41:01.720
Okay.

664
00:41:01.720 --> 00:41:04.640
And so if the answer is no, you're like, absolutely not.

665
00:41:04.640 --> 00:41:10.600
I could not be happy if they don't have this thing or if they do have this thing that you

666
00:41:10.600 --> 00:41:15.080
know it's a non-negotiable.

667
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:18.640
You have to ask yourself if they had everything else on my list, but they just didn't have

668
00:41:18.640 --> 00:41:19.640
this thing.

669
00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:21.640
Would it be a deal breaker?

670
00:41:21.640 --> 00:41:22.640
Okay.

671
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:31.000
And I'll give you guys some more information about principles instead of preferences and

672
00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:34.080
different things when we go into this teaching deeper next week.

673
00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:35.080
Okay.

674
00:41:35.080 --> 00:41:38.720
So the filter question, imagine the person has everything on your list.

675
00:41:38.720 --> 00:41:40.240
They share your values.

676
00:41:40.240 --> 00:41:41.360
They want what you want.

677
00:41:41.360 --> 00:41:45.900
They have the character and capacity to build a long lasting marriage with you, but they're

678
00:41:45.900 --> 00:41:48.040
just missing this one thing.

679
00:41:48.040 --> 00:41:51.280
Would it still be a yes?

680
00:41:51.280 --> 00:41:53.480
If yes, then it was always a preference.

681
00:41:53.480 --> 00:41:56.160
If no, then it really is a non-negotiable.

682
00:41:56.160 --> 00:41:57.160
Okay.

683
00:41:57.160 --> 00:41:58.160
And you have to be ruthless.

684
00:41:58.160 --> 00:42:03.760
You guys, you've got to be ruthless with that question.

685
00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:06.320
Got to really be honest with yourself.

686
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:09.320
And the reason why we're asking you to do it now before you actually go out there and

687
00:42:09.320 --> 00:42:17.360
meet anyone is because you know, if he's six, five blonde hair, blue eyes finance, you might

688
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:24.000
actually want to possibly bend your own non-negotiable and that's why it's good to make the list

689
00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:25.000
now.

690
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:30.600
And now you're the person that has to implement it when you get out there.

691
00:42:30.600 --> 00:42:31.600
Okay.

692
00:42:31.600 --> 00:42:32.600
All right.

693
00:42:32.600 --> 00:42:33.600
All right.

694
00:42:33.600 --> 00:42:34.600
Let's go ahead.

695
00:42:34.600 --> 00:42:36.000
And what time is it?

696
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:37.000
April 3rd.

697
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:38.000
All right.

698
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:45.400
Let's go ahead and get some questions about advisory circle and the beginning of putting

699
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:48.360
together your non-negotiable versus preferences list.

700
00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:52.240
And you guys, everything that doesn't get to get on your non-negotiable list.

701
00:42:52.240 --> 00:42:53.240
Okay.

702
00:42:53.240 --> 00:42:54.240
Let's try to keep it.

703
00:42:54.240 --> 00:42:58.560
Let's try to keep that non-negotiable list under 15 if you can.

704
00:42:58.560 --> 00:43:01.880
Anything that doesn't get on that, it goes in your preference list.

705
00:43:01.880 --> 00:43:04.720
And it doesn't mean that your preference list isn't important.

706
00:43:04.720 --> 00:43:07.320
It just means that it shouldn't be a deal breaker.

707
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:08.320
Okay.

708
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:12.760
You are going to get some stuff on your preference list in your partner.

709
00:43:12.760 --> 00:43:15.880
You are.

710
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:18.120
But this other stuff is more important than this stuff.

711
00:43:18.120 --> 00:43:19.120
Okay.

712
00:43:19.120 --> 00:43:20.120
All right.

713
00:43:20.120 --> 00:43:21.120
All right.

714
00:43:21.120 --> 00:43:22.120
Yes.

715
00:43:22.120 --> 00:43:27.520
We can give, you guys, what if I put you in breakout rooms and you guys, I'm going to

716
00:43:27.520 --> 00:43:28.520
put you in breakouts.

717
00:43:28.520 --> 00:43:31.040
Let's do this so we can have some time with each other because maybe we're going to meet

718
00:43:31.040 --> 00:43:34.680
someone for your advisory circle in this group and I want to give you a chance to meet each

719
00:43:34.680 --> 00:43:35.680
other.

720
00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:42.080
But what if we have you maybe share one thing that you're not really sure if it's a non-negotiable

721
00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:46.280
or a preference and then have the other people in your group vote on it, whether they think

722
00:43:46.280 --> 00:43:49.680
it's a non-negotiable or preference based on what I just taught.

723
00:43:49.680 --> 00:43:50.680
Okay.

724
00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:53.480
And then we'll come back in and then we'll share them.

725
00:43:53.480 --> 00:43:54.480
Sound good?

726
00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:55.480
Okay.

727
00:43:55.480 --> 00:43:58.480
Let's do that real quick because I think that'll be fun.

728
00:43:58.480 --> 00:43:59.480
All right.

729
00:43:59.480 --> 00:44:00.480
Breakouts.

730
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:01.480
All right.

731
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:13.480
All right.

732
00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:30.080
All right.

733
00:44:30.080 --> 00:44:31.080
It's working now.

734
00:44:31.080 --> 00:44:32.080
Okay.

735
00:44:32.080 --> 00:44:33.080
It wasn't working for some reason.

736
00:44:33.080 --> 00:44:34.080
All right.

737
00:44:34.080 --> 00:44:35.080
Let's see.

738
00:44:35.080 --> 00:44:39.080
I think maybe two to three people per room would be good.

739
00:44:39.080 --> 00:44:41.680
Some of you may end up with three to four people and that's fine as well.

740
00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:42.680
All right.

741
00:44:42.680 --> 00:44:44.800
You guys, I'm going to give you about 10 minutes for this.

742
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:49.180
Make sure that everybody gets a chance to go and listen, everyone be really respectful

743
00:44:49.180 --> 00:44:50.180
to each other.

744
00:44:50.180 --> 00:44:51.180
Okay.

745
00:44:51.180 --> 00:44:53.920
Don't be rude about someone's preference versus non-negotiable question.

746
00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:55.760
Don't be like, that's stupid.

747
00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:57.040
You should know that already.

748
00:44:57.040 --> 00:44:58.040
Do not be disrespectful.

749
00:44:58.040 --> 00:45:00.040
If I hear any reports of people...

750
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.640
being disrespectful or arguing with each other.

751
00:45:03.720 --> 00:45:06.040
Now here's the thing you're letting them vote on whether they think it's a

752
00:45:06.040 --> 00:45:09.400
non-negotiable or a preference. You don't have to listen to them.

753
00:45:10.120 --> 00:45:13.160
You don't have to argue with them. Like, well, I think it's a non-negotiable.

754
00:45:13.160 --> 00:45:13.800
Look, you're,

755
00:45:13.800 --> 00:45:17.280
you're letting them vote and whatever they vote, they vote.

756
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:20.280
You don't have to get in an argument with them. Okay. They're not your mom.

757
00:45:20.280 --> 00:45:22.160
They're not your dad. They're not your boss.

758
00:45:22.520 --> 00:45:24.880
And it doesn't mean that you have to do what they're saying.

759
00:45:24.880 --> 00:45:28.600
It just means that we're going to have some community input. Okay. Sound good.

760
00:45:28.840 --> 00:45:30.640
Right. Everyone's going into breakouts.

761
00:45:30.640 --> 00:45:32.880
You're going to see a little button on your screen that says,

762
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:35.840
go to the breakout room. You want to go ahead and click that when you see it.

763
00:45:59.120 --> 00:45:59.960
Okay.

764
00:46:26.640 --> 00:46:27.480
Hi jackie.

765
00:46:28.600 --> 00:46:37.960
Hey, we're not going to take questions just quite yet. Y'all give me a second here and I'll take questions in just a minute.

766
00:46:58.600 --> 00:47:21.600
You guys come back in from a breakout just so you know sometimes you'll just be unmuted and we can hear background noise at your house or your work. So just make sure that you reme and re mute yourself. All right, so that we don't have that.

767
00:47:21.600 --> 00:47:49.600
All right, I'm gonna I'm going to go ahead and let people share. Let me go ahead and put this chat on. Okay, so we're going to give a Okay, so hopefully that was a good experience for all of you. You were able to get some good feedback. And this will help you to build your non negotiable is your final non negotiable list, which we'll share next week. Okay, but let's go ahead and take a couple that were real like, hmm.

768
00:47:51.600 --> 00:48:15.600
You know, is it a preference? Or is it a non negotiable? Raise your hand if you had one like that, where it was like, I'm not sure if it was or not, you got the feedback. And you're just really you have a thing to make you go, hmm, kind of situation with that. All right, we'll go ahead and you guys, it's gonna be a speed round.

769
00:48:15.600 --> 00:48:23.600
So no big backstory about why you want it to be a non negotiable. Just tell me what it is. And I'll weigh in on it. Kenton, you go. You're first.

770
00:48:23.600 --> 00:48:30.600
Mine was the love languages, the top three love languages that I have. That's a non negotiable for me.

771
00:48:30.600 --> 00:48:32.600
Okay, and what are what are those?

772
00:48:32.600 --> 00:48:40.600
Those would be touch, words of affirmation and quality time.

773
00:48:41.600 --> 00:49:01.600
Okay, so basically, what Kenton is saying right now is he's describing someone there. He's describing a personality. He's describing a type of person, a type of woman who is affectionate, who is positive and affirming and someone who enjoys being with him.

774
00:49:02.600 --> 00:49:22.600
So that's what he's basically describing. Now, this is not something and a lot of these non negotiables, you guys, you're not going to be able to see whether or not they have this, that some of these like Kenton's, for instance, he's not going to be able to really see that about someone until further into the relationship.

775
00:49:23.600 --> 00:49:36.600
Because first of all, he shouldn't be touching anyone that he hardly knows. So he's not going to know whether or not they want to be touched or they're physically affectionate. And some people, they're not just affirming right from the get go.

776
00:49:36.600 --> 00:49:54.600
You know, they have to know you a little bit more before they're going to like be affirming you or encouraging you. I mean, some people they just exude that they lose it. But there's other people that you know, they're gonna maybe hold back a little bit, they're gonna be a little bit more reserved. They're not going to fully be everything that they are.

777
00:49:54.600 --> 00:49:58.600
Now, you guys, when it comes to love languages, I believe that we should have all of them.

778
00:49:58.600 --> 00:50:00.600
I believe that you should have all of them.

779
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.160
should be comfortable giving and receiving.

780
00:50:02.160 --> 00:50:05.280
I think that you should be comfortable with,

781
00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:08.800
you know, affirming and receiving affirmation.

782
00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:10.120
Same thing with touch.

783
00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:11.160
People say, well, you know,

784
00:50:11.160 --> 00:50:12.920
physical touch is not my love language.

785
00:50:12.920 --> 00:50:14.680
That's ridiculous.

786
00:50:14.680 --> 00:50:16.860
Everyone should be wanting to be touched.

787
00:50:16.860 --> 00:50:18.720
Now, some people don't want to be touched all the time.

788
00:50:18.720 --> 00:50:20.200
I remember one couple.

789
00:50:20.200 --> 00:50:23.000
I match made this couple, okay?

790
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:26.640
This man was a friend of mine whose wife passed away.

791
00:50:26.640 --> 00:50:28.780
His wife, I was better friends with his wife,

792
00:50:28.820 --> 00:50:30.180
but I was friends with both of them.

793
00:50:30.180 --> 00:50:32.700
And his wife passed away really young in her forties.

794
00:50:32.700 --> 00:50:33.620
It was very tragic.

795
00:50:33.620 --> 00:50:34.920
It was very sad.

796
00:50:34.920 --> 00:50:37.520
And I felt God really laid on my heart

797
00:50:37.520 --> 00:50:40.860
to help him find his next wife.

798
00:50:40.860 --> 00:50:42.820
And so about two years after she passed,

799
00:50:42.820 --> 00:50:45.740
I introduced him to a woman in my community

800
00:50:45.740 --> 00:50:48.740
and they hit it off and they ended up getting married.

801
00:50:48.740 --> 00:50:50.860
Now, remember, I saw him with his first wife

802
00:50:50.860 --> 00:50:54.300
because I was friends with her and I knew them for years.

803
00:50:54.300 --> 00:50:56.560
And then I match made him with someone.

804
00:50:56.600 --> 00:50:58.840
And then I saw him with his second wife

805
00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:01.360
because I helped him marry her.

806
00:51:01.360 --> 00:51:04.160
And the way that he was with his second wife

807
00:51:04.160 --> 00:51:05.320
and the way she was with him

808
00:51:05.320 --> 00:51:09.000
was very different than the first marriage, okay?

809
00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:12.620
Like for instance, they came over to a place

810
00:51:12.620 --> 00:51:15.000
where I was doing some videos of success stories

811
00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:16.560
and they were about to be videoed.

812
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:18.280
And this is the first time that I had seen them

813
00:51:18.280 --> 00:51:19.760
since they got married.

814
00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:22.300
And I'm telling you, this man,

815
00:51:22.300 --> 00:51:23.800
it wasn't like in a sexual way,

816
00:51:23.800 --> 00:51:25.860
but he had to constantly be touching her.

817
00:51:26.680 --> 00:51:28.200
He was like rubbing her arm.

818
00:51:28.200 --> 00:51:29.320
He was holding her hand.

819
00:51:29.320 --> 00:51:31.000
He was putting his arm around her.

820
00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:33.600
He was like, he was just making me nuts

821
00:51:33.600 --> 00:51:35.280
because I was like, if I was her,

822
00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:37.120
I'd be like, get off of me.

823
00:51:38.040 --> 00:51:41.040
Why are you touching me so much?

824
00:51:41.040 --> 00:51:42.560
That would be super annoying to me,

825
00:51:42.560 --> 00:51:44.280
but it wasn't super annoying to her.

826
00:51:44.280 --> 00:51:45.480
She was good with it.

827
00:51:45.480 --> 00:51:48.200
And so I think that's kind of what Kenton's saying

828
00:51:48.200 --> 00:51:51.640
is like, hey, you know, someone who is, you know,

829
00:51:51.640 --> 00:51:55.780
likes what I like, you know, how I want to express my love.

830
00:51:55.780 --> 00:51:57.340
I like to spend time.

831
00:51:57.340 --> 00:51:59.380
I like to be affirmed and affirm.

832
00:51:59.380 --> 00:52:00.780
I like to be affectionate.

833
00:52:00.780 --> 00:52:04.580
So he's saying, I want someone who wants to be loved

834
00:52:04.580 --> 00:52:06.780
in the way that I love.

835
00:52:06.780 --> 00:52:08.580
And you guys, I think that's important,

836
00:52:08.580 --> 00:52:10.900
especially at this age, I think that's important.

837
00:52:10.900 --> 00:52:15.900
Now, I think that making it a non-negotiable

838
00:52:16.220 --> 00:52:18.580
that you are then going to judge

839
00:52:18.580 --> 00:52:22.320
or try to measure too quickly is a mistake.

840
00:52:23.540 --> 00:52:25.680
Because some people will only become affectionate

841
00:52:26.580 --> 00:52:28.040
when you know them a lot better.

842
00:52:28.040 --> 00:52:30.200
Some people will only become affirming

843
00:52:30.200 --> 00:52:33.860
when they become a lot closer to you, right?

844
00:52:33.860 --> 00:52:36.200
And some people, quality time, yeah.

845
00:52:36.200 --> 00:52:38.800
You know, wanting to spend time with each other,

846
00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:40.960
you know, prioritizing each other,

847
00:52:40.960 --> 00:52:43.040
that's going to be important in any relationship.

848
00:52:43.040 --> 00:52:45.100
But once again, if these are things

849
00:52:45.100 --> 00:52:47.180
that are important to you,

850
00:52:47.180 --> 00:52:50.000
and you really want to be loved that way,

851
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:53.140
and you want to love someone that way, whatever it is,

852
00:52:54.060 --> 00:52:56.100
it's important that you're giving it enough time

853
00:52:56.100 --> 00:52:58.260
to unfold so you can see it.

854
00:52:58.260 --> 00:53:00.100
Yeah, Jackie, you can also do the quiz

855
00:53:00.100 --> 00:53:02.580
by Gary Chapman on the five love languages.

856
00:53:02.580 --> 00:53:04.020
Then you will know what you are

857
00:53:04.020 --> 00:53:05.580
and what you'd like to receive.

858
00:53:05.580 --> 00:53:07.740
It's just, it's a common quiz.

859
00:53:07.740 --> 00:53:09.660
I mean, I, of course, of course it is.

860
00:53:09.660 --> 00:53:11.740
And I've read that book a thousand times.

861
00:53:11.740 --> 00:53:13.460
And I just want to tell you guys

862
00:53:13.460 --> 00:53:16.300
that giving someone that you're dating that quiz

863
00:53:16.300 --> 00:53:18.940
so that you can find out what they are,

864
00:53:18.940 --> 00:53:21.020
that's probably not a good idea.

865
00:53:21.020 --> 00:53:24.820
It's more important to just see what they do

866
00:53:24.820 --> 00:53:26.940
as you get to know them, okay?

867
00:53:26.940 --> 00:53:29.940
So just seeing what they do as you get to know them,

868
00:53:29.940 --> 00:53:30.860
because once again,

869
00:53:30.860 --> 00:53:34.100
there's probably a lot more love languages than just five.

870
00:53:34.100 --> 00:53:37.340
And you may think that you want someone

871
00:53:37.340 --> 00:53:39.840
to do something very specific towards you,

872
00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:41.340
and you might find out

873
00:53:41.340 --> 00:53:45.580
that you like other things even more or better, okay?

874
00:53:45.580 --> 00:53:49.700
So once again, do not be crossing people off the list

875
00:53:49.700 --> 00:53:51.940
because they failed the quiz, Kenton.

876
00:53:51.940 --> 00:53:55.900
Just give it time to unfold

877
00:53:55.900 --> 00:54:00.900
and see if you're compatible with your love languages.

878
00:54:00.940 --> 00:54:05.940
All right, okay, so Lisa, what do you got?

879
00:54:06.020 --> 00:54:07.780
So there was actually two that came up.

880
00:54:07.780 --> 00:54:12.600
One I'm on the fence about is them being a non-smoker.

881
00:54:12.600 --> 00:54:17.100
I won't give you the backstory, but it's somewhat important.

882
00:54:17.100 --> 00:54:19.140
The other one in our group, we were all questioning,

883
00:54:19.460 --> 00:54:22.660
we talked about where does the heart work come in?

884
00:54:22.660 --> 00:54:23.700
Like if you know somebody,

885
00:54:23.700 --> 00:54:26.600
everybody's got baggage, at what point?

886
00:54:26.600 --> 00:54:27.920
And maybe that's something we'll talk about later,

887
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:31.260
but kind of how does that play into it as well?

888
00:54:31.260 --> 00:54:35.300
Yeah, I mean, I'm not for anyone asking someone

889
00:54:35.300 --> 00:54:36.900
how much therapy they've done,

890
00:54:36.900 --> 00:54:39.500
how much heart work or inner healing they've done,

891
00:54:39.500 --> 00:54:41.140
and crossing them off the list

892
00:54:41.140 --> 00:54:43.940
based on them answering those questions.

893
00:54:43.940 --> 00:54:45.420
Those can't be non-negotiables.

894
00:54:45.420 --> 00:54:48.600
I think that if you're looking for a certain character,

895
00:54:49.300 --> 00:54:52.540
and capacity issues while you're getting to know them,

896
00:54:52.540 --> 00:54:56.300
and when you see that capacity limitation,

897
00:54:56.300 --> 00:54:58.260
when you see that character limitation,

898
00:54:58.260 --> 00:55:00.860
that's gonna kind of answer your question of whether.

899
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.600
or not they can meet you where you are mentally or emotionally or spiritually, um, that, that

900
00:55:06.600 --> 00:55:13.280
makes more sense as a non-negotiable than just asking someone to, you know, tell you

901
00:55:13.280 --> 00:55:18.120
what they've done or, you know, you understand what I'm saying?

902
00:55:18.120 --> 00:55:22.000
Like some people think, oh, well, non-negotiable is, you know, if they haven't gone to therapy,

903
00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:25.660
well, just because you needed a certain type of therapy doesn't mean other people need

904
00:55:25.660 --> 00:55:27.040
a certain type of a therapy.

905
00:55:27.040 --> 00:55:31.460
You know, someone could have gotten what they need through a different avenue than therapy.

906
00:55:31.460 --> 00:55:38.020
So, um, you know, just using psych psychological language, therapy language with someone, and

907
00:55:38.020 --> 00:55:42.460
if they don't understand what it means, crossing them off the list, you know, saying, well,

908
00:55:42.460 --> 00:55:44.340
you know, I want someone who has really good boundaries.

909
00:55:44.340 --> 00:55:51.260
Well, good boundaries can't be exhibited, uh, on a, on a test or on a dating profile.

910
00:55:51.260 --> 00:55:53.700
They have to be exhibited through relationships.

911
00:55:53.700 --> 00:55:57.020
So it's important for you to let that play out.

912
00:55:57.020 --> 00:55:59.560
Got to let it play out.

913
00:55:59.560 --> 00:56:03.060
A lot of the things that are going to be on your non-negotiable list, you guys are not

914
00:56:03.060 --> 00:56:08.840
going to be things that you're able to see quickly unless it's just an absolute crazy

915
00:56:08.840 --> 00:56:13.080
deal breaker that they have on their profile or wherever.

916
00:56:13.080 --> 00:56:14.240
Okay.

917
00:56:14.240 --> 00:56:17.620
Like for instance, she said she doesn't want someone who smokes.

918
00:56:17.620 --> 00:56:22.200
So maybe on their profile, they're like 420 friendly, which by the way means they smoke

919
00:56:22.200 --> 00:56:24.120
pot if you didn't know that.

920
00:56:24.120 --> 00:56:25.120
Okay.

921
00:56:25.420 --> 00:56:26.420
Just things like that.

922
00:56:26.420 --> 00:56:27.640
That's an automatic deal breaker.

923
00:56:27.640 --> 00:56:29.100
You don't even have to swipe on that person.

924
00:56:29.100 --> 00:56:30.100
You already know.

925
00:56:30.100 --> 00:56:34.340
So would a non-smoker, you would be okay to potentially be a non-negotiable or would that

926
00:56:34.340 --> 00:56:35.340
be a preference?

927
00:56:35.340 --> 00:56:36.340
No, absolutely.

928
00:56:36.340 --> 00:56:40.500
I mean, I think that, I think non-smoking, I think, I think that you can, I think you

929
00:56:40.500 --> 00:56:44.340
can lump that into, um, you know, lives a healthy lifestyle.

930
00:56:44.340 --> 00:56:47.940
I mean, that's your definition of a healthy lifestyle, obviously, right?

931
00:56:47.940 --> 00:56:53.180
That this person doesn't smoke, um, you know, uh, you guys, when it comes to drugs and alcohol,

932
00:56:53.180 --> 00:57:00.800
even when it comes to, um, nowadays, when it comes to, uh, what's it called political,

933
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:09.600
like stronger political stances, I think that those could possibly be on the non-negotiable

934
00:57:09.600 --> 00:57:15.880
list because they say a whole lot more about kind of how that person moves through the

935
00:57:15.880 --> 00:57:16.880
world.

936
00:57:16.880 --> 00:57:18.320
Do you see what I'm saying?

937
00:57:18.320 --> 00:57:19.760
That makes sense.

938
00:57:19.760 --> 00:57:20.760
Thanks.

939
00:57:21.140 --> 00:57:26.340
If someone is super liberal and you're super conservative, um, guess what?

940
00:57:26.340 --> 00:57:28.900
The way that they move through the world is probably going to be a lot different than

941
00:57:28.900 --> 00:57:37.220
you and you're probably not going to get along very well or be compatible.

942
00:57:37.220 --> 00:57:38.820
That's just, that's just the way it is.

943
00:57:38.820 --> 00:57:44.900
You guys, we're, we're becoming a very, very divided culture when it comes to a lot of

944
00:57:44.900 --> 00:57:45.900
these issues.

945
00:57:45.900 --> 00:57:51.600
Um, especially at the age groups that you guys are in, um, if you are very much against

946
00:57:51.600 --> 00:57:56.620
something or for something and that other person is the opposite, it's probably not

947
00:57:56.620 --> 00:58:02.680
going to be a long, a longterm relationship where there's not going to be a lot of other

948
00:58:02.680 --> 00:58:05.120
things that fall into those categories as well.

949
00:58:05.120 --> 00:58:06.120
Okay.

950
00:58:06.120 --> 00:58:09.120
Hillary, who just went, who was that?

951
00:58:09.120 --> 00:58:10.120
I think that was Lisa.

952
00:58:10.120 --> 00:58:11.120
This is Hillary.

953
00:58:11.120 --> 00:58:12.120
Okay.

954
00:58:12.120 --> 00:58:13.120
It was Lisa.

955
00:58:13.120 --> 00:58:14.120
Okay, Lisa.

956
00:58:14.120 --> 00:58:15.120
All right, Hillary, go ahead.

957
00:58:15.340 --> 00:58:21.780
Um, so something that came up in our group was finances and I think financially responsible

958
00:58:21.780 --> 00:58:26.780
kind of fell under like, well, if they're a good character, we assume they will be financially

959
00:58:26.780 --> 00:58:33.660
responsible, but like how close do you want to align with somebody from a financial perspective?

960
00:58:33.660 --> 00:58:39.060
Like I guess what's, where's that line between like, this is a preference versus a non-negotiable.

961
00:58:39.060 --> 00:58:42.300
Obviously you won't agree on every dollar, but yeah, where's that line?

962
00:58:42.480 --> 00:58:46.320
Well, once again, you guys, he's fallen into categories that's hard to judge when you don't

963
00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:47.920
really, really know someone.

964
00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:53.360
For instance, when I met my husband, he had just gone through a divorce and he'd gone

965
00:58:53.360 --> 00:58:54.440
through a foreclosure.

966
00:58:54.440 --> 00:58:56.800
He had gone through some repossessions of some vehicles.

967
00:58:56.800 --> 00:59:00.160
He had gone through a bankruptcy because a lot of times that's what happens when people

968
00:59:00.160 --> 00:59:01.400
get divorced.

969
00:59:01.400 --> 00:59:03.040
Him and his wife were in full-time ministry.

970
00:59:03.040 --> 00:59:04.380
They worked at a mega church.

971
00:59:04.380 --> 00:59:09.120
When one paycheck left the household, a lot of things fell through the cracks and it caused

972
00:59:09.120 --> 00:59:12.940
both of them to have to file for bankruptcy and that delayed their divorce.

973
00:59:12.940 --> 00:59:14.380
All kinds of different things happen.

974
00:59:14.380 --> 00:59:19.340
So when you're getting to know someone, you're not necessarily judging them based on what

975
00:59:19.340 --> 00:59:24.540
is happening right now, but based more on patterns that you see in their life.

976
00:59:24.540 --> 00:59:29.300
And you really can't see patterns in someone's life if you don't get to know them, right?

977
00:59:29.300 --> 00:59:37.300
And so it's just because someone doesn't live in as nice of a house as you at 45 years old

978
00:59:37.300 --> 00:59:44.040
or drive as nice of a car as you, just because someone doesn't have a job that pays as good

979
00:59:44.040 --> 00:59:50.480
as yours or has a 401k or has the same amount in savings doesn't mean they're financially

980
00:59:50.480 --> 00:59:51.480
irresponsible.

981
00:59:51.480 --> 00:59:54.720
You know, my husband wasn't financially irresponsible.

982
00:59:54.720 --> 00:59:56.720
He was going through a rough patch in his life.

983
00:59:56.720 --> 00:59:57.720
Guess what?

984
00:59:57.720 --> 00:59:58.720
I've been married to him for 20 years.

985
00:59:58.720 --> 00:59:59.920
He's a great guy.

986
00:59:59.920 --> 01:00:00.920
He's going through a rough patch in his life.

987
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.880
with his finances, and we've built a lot of amazing things together. So do not judge people

988
01:00:00.920 --> 01:00:00.920


989
01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:12.160
prematurely, and do not think that you can just look at the outside of someone and decide some

990
01:00:12.160 --> 01:00:24.080
of these things about them. Okay. Now, if you meet someone, they're great, they have all of

991
01:00:24.080 --> 01:00:32.000
your non-negotiables, but they're not responsible. They show a whole pattern of irresponsibility in

992
01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:37.680
their life. They always have a new job. They've only had their job for a few months, and the

993
01:00:37.680 --> 01:00:43.200
job before that for a few months, and they're just bebopping around. They still live with

994
01:00:43.200 --> 01:00:49.440
housemates, but they're 53 years old. They've never owned their own house. They don't have

995
01:00:49.440 --> 01:00:52.880
any retirement. These are the things that you find out about them as you're getting to know them,

996
01:00:52.880 --> 01:00:58.800
then it's probably going to be a deal breaker. Especially if you have been responsible, and

997
01:00:58.800 --> 01:01:03.680
you've saved, and you've earned, and you've, you know, done what you needed to do.

998
01:01:04.400 --> 01:01:07.680
That's definitely not going to be a right personality match for you, is it?

999
01:01:11.520 --> 01:01:15.200
And just so you guys know, since we're on this topic, I just want to say I'm not against prenups.

1000
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:20.160
I know a lot of people are like, well, you shouldn't even marry them if they want a prenup.

1001
01:01:20.160 --> 01:01:25.920
I disagree with that, especially at this age range. If you have worked hard all of your life,

1002
01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:31.680
and you have amassed a certain amount of material possessions, especially if you've been divorced or

1003
01:01:31.680 --> 01:01:36.960
widowed, and you have a pension of someone else's, you have some savings, maybe you have a family

1004
01:01:36.960 --> 01:01:42.880
inheritance, there's no reason why you can't put that in a trust or list that in a prenuptial

1005
01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:50.640
agreement, that if anything should happen in the marriage where, you know, you guys get divorced

1006
01:01:50.640 --> 01:01:55.360
for whatever reason, that what you brought into the marriage leaves with you. There's absolutely

1007
01:01:55.360 --> 01:01:59.760
no reason not to do that. That doesn't mean that you don't trust them. And if someone takes it that

1008
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:05.360
way, then I don't know if they're trustworthy, because they shouldn't be worried about what's

1009
01:02:05.360 --> 01:02:10.240
written in that prenup at all, because they shouldn't be planning on getting divorced.

1010
01:02:10.240 --> 01:02:13.120
And they'll be like, well, you shouldn't be planning on getting a divorce. No, it's called

1011
01:02:13.120 --> 01:02:18.960
wisdom. It's called wisdom to protect things that you've built all your life, and that should never

1012
01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:24.000
come into play, unless there's a reason why you're not going to be married anymore. And there's

1013
01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:30.960
nothing wrong with also putting properties and money into trust funds for trust in a trust to

1014
01:02:30.960 --> 01:02:35.520
to give to your children, because even if you don't get divorced, if you pass away first,

1015
01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:39.840
that doesn't belong to them. You're not leaving that to your spouse, you're leaving that to your

1016
01:02:39.920 --> 01:02:48.080
children. And it's okay for that to be there already. I have an inheritance that my mom left

1017
01:02:48.080 --> 01:02:53.760
me when she passed away six years ago. And I already have it set aside for my daughter,

1018
01:02:54.320 --> 01:02:58.160
because we're a blended family. And so when I came into the family, I brought an inheritance,

1019
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:04.000
and I brought a daughter. And, you know, if anything would happen to me, God forbid,

1020
01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:08.320
first, then, you know, that would go to my daughter, it wouldn't go to my spouse. And

1021
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:12.800
he doesn't have any problem with that. He has his own money, he doesn't need my mom's inheritance.

1022
01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:20.320
And so you guys, these are okay things to to, I wouldn't talk about this in the dating season,

1023
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:23.520
when you first meet the person like, Oh, hey, by the way, if you marry me, I'm gonna have you

1024
01:03:23.520 --> 01:03:28.240
have signed a prenup. No, I think that this is something that happens as you get to know someone

1025
01:03:28.240 --> 01:03:35.600
a lot better. All right, Kira, what do you got? Sorry, I just put bread in my mouth.

1026
01:03:38.480 --> 01:03:45.200
So I have wondered because I have like, like some guys in the past. And then I, through talking to

1027
01:03:45.200 --> 01:03:52.800
them found out that they were allergic to animals, specifically cats. And that's what I've always had

1028
01:03:52.800 --> 01:03:58.800
is cats. I'm a cat person. So like, is that negotiable? Or is that a? Well, let's talk

1029
01:03:58.800 --> 01:04:04.320
about that for a second. 30% of adult humans are allergic to cats. I don't know if you guys know

1030
01:04:04.320 --> 01:04:14.000
that or not. 30% of adults have some level of allergy to cat urine and saliva, which is what

1031
01:04:14.000 --> 01:04:17.920
people are allergic to. It's not really the dander, you guys, it's the saliva, you know,

1032
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:23.680
cats groom themselves a lot, they lick their fur and all the things. And so a lot of people are

1033
01:04:23.680 --> 01:04:29.280
allergic to cats. There are other people that are allergic to dogs, but cats seem to be a really,

1034
01:04:29.280 --> 01:04:35.200
really common allergy. So I, because I have one couple that got divorced over a cat,

1035
01:04:35.920 --> 01:04:42.480
I just want to say this out loud. Do you want to have cats or do you want to have a husband?

1036
01:04:42.480 --> 01:04:46.320
And the reason why I say that is, is because I don't know if you can have both.

1037
01:04:46.320 --> 01:04:53.120
But I do know that you're lessening the dating pool by 30%. When you insist that the person

1038
01:04:53.120 --> 01:04:58.080
has to like cats and, or be not allergic to cats.

1039
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.500
As someone who's married, but was single, I will tell you that no animal has been that important to me,

1040
01:05:08.500 --> 01:05:18.000
that I wouldn't be willing to move forward without that specific type of animal if that meant being happily married.

1041
01:05:21.000 --> 01:05:29.000
And ladies, you especially have a tendency, I think, ladies more than men, of replacing that desire to have children

1042
01:05:29.000 --> 01:05:36.500
using that desire and kind of commuting it into taking care of animals, and a lot of animals sometimes.

1043
01:05:36.500 --> 01:05:46.500
Now, if you're the type of person who you can't be happy unless you live on a compound with a bunch of animals,

1044
01:05:46.500 --> 01:05:54.500
like that's your life, maybe you're a vet, maybe you grew up on a farm and you live on a farm now and that's your lifestyle.

1045
01:05:54.500 --> 01:05:59.000
Your lifestyle is animals and all the things. Now, that's going to become a deal breaker.

1046
01:05:59.000 --> 01:06:03.000
That's going to become a non-negotiable. You're not a city person. You're not going to live in a city.

1047
01:06:03.000 --> 01:06:07.000
You're going to live on a farm. You're going to live out on a piece of land with a bunch of animals.

1048
01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:14.000
Goats and cows and dogs and cats and all the things. Now, I think that that is understandable.

1049
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:18.000
And for those of you that I can't decide whether it's a non-negotiable for you or not,

1050
01:06:18.500 --> 01:06:25.500
but if you truly cannot be happy in this life without your animals, then yes, go ahead and put it as a non-negotiable.

1051
01:06:25.500 --> 01:06:36.500
But just remember that specifically cats, you are lessening the dating pool with allergies to a high extent actually.

1052
01:06:36.500 --> 01:06:41.500
So, we've already had one couple get divorced over a cat. It's really sad.

1053
01:06:42.000 --> 01:06:46.000
It's really sad. Now, I'm not a cat hater. I just want to let you guys know that.

1054
01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:53.000
Do not write in and say, Jackie hates cats. I do not hate cats. I'm also not allergic to cats.

1055
01:06:53.000 --> 01:06:58.000
I just happen to know because I'm a dating coach and a matchmaker that there's a lot of people that are.

1056
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:07.000
And so, the answer to that question is yes, it might be a non-negotiable if you're the kind of person

1057
01:07:07.500 --> 01:07:15.500
that absolutely cannot be happy. You can't. Even if you had a human, you had a spouse,

1058
01:07:15.500 --> 01:07:23.500
you could not be happy without your animals, then you got to go ahead and put that on the list.

1059
01:07:23.500 --> 01:07:26.500
And we'll just have to trust the Lord. All right, Rachel, you're up.

1060
01:07:27.500 --> 01:07:37.500
Hi, Jackie. So, I was wondering if personality is something that should be a non-negotiable or preference

1061
01:07:37.500 --> 01:07:45.000
as far as like complimentary personality. Is that something that you should put on your list?

1062
01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:51.000
I don't think that that should be on your non-negotiable list. I mean, it's obviously a deal breaker

1063
01:07:52.000 --> 01:07:57.000
if you're not compatible with someone, but you're not going to give them a personality test.

1064
01:07:57.000 --> 01:08:03.000
Okay, there's a lot of people that have polar opposite personalities that actually end up doing really well in marriage.

1065
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:08.000
Now, it's not as easy, but I like complimentary opposites. And if I matchmake someone,

1066
01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:14.000
I'm going to matchmake complimentary opposites every time. But there are people that, you know,

1067
01:08:14.000 --> 01:08:19.000
they don't have, they don't really like the same things. They don't have a whole lot in common,

1068
01:08:19.000 --> 01:08:24.000
but they, it just works for whatever reason. So, I'm going to say it's not a non-negotiable,

1069
01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:28.000
but it is going to lean more into your compatibility score.

1070
01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:31.000
Okay. Thank you.

1071
01:08:31.000 --> 01:08:33.000
You're welcome. Christine?

1072
01:08:38.000 --> 01:08:39.000
Are you talking to me?

1073
01:08:41.000 --> 01:08:42.000
Christine Dell.

1074
01:08:42.000 --> 01:08:48.000
Oh, yes. Yes. Okay. Hi. It's really Christy, but anyway.

1075
01:08:48.000 --> 01:08:49.000
Oh, wait. Okay.

1076
01:08:49.000 --> 01:08:57.000
But that's just my full name. Anyway, so I had a couple that I'm just not sure if they really are non-negotiables.

1077
01:08:57.000 --> 01:09:05.000
Some just have to do with kind of like vision, lifestyle. After reading some of this, like energy level,

1078
01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:09.000
if you're kind of an active person, if you're a go-getter kind of person,

1079
01:09:09.000 --> 01:09:13.000
if you have some similar shared vision with things you want to do in your life,

1080
01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:20.000
or if those things can kind of just be open to, I think it's just knowing like, will we be on the same page enough?

1081
01:09:21.000 --> 01:09:24.000
And even if they don't have the same thing, could they support me?

1082
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:28.000
Yeah, I don't like that on the non-negotiable list. Let's make that a preference.

1083
01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:34.000
Because you guys, whatever it is that you think that you want to do with your life can really change after you meet your spirit mate.

1084
01:09:34.000 --> 01:09:40.000
It really can. David and I are doing things that we never dreamed we'd be doing together or just doing in general.

1085
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:45.000
You know, the things that I was doing when I met my husband 20 years ago, the things that I loved 20 years ago,

1086
01:09:45.000 --> 01:09:49.000
and that I wanted to do with my life 20 years ago have greatly changed.

1087
01:09:49.000 --> 01:09:55.000
And so it's more important. I have people all the time that will come in because a lot of Christians will gravitate towards my programs.

1088
01:09:55.000 --> 01:10:00.000
And they'll say, well, I'm a missionary, you know, and I'm called to this country.

1089
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.880
You know, I was in a missions field for years and years where I grew up on a missions field

1090
01:10:03.880 --> 01:10:04.880
with my parents.

1091
01:10:04.880 --> 01:10:08.780
And, you know, I want to, I went back to this country, but for whatever reason, you know,

1092
01:10:08.780 --> 01:10:12.540
God led me back to the States and I'm back here, but someday I might go back to that

1093
01:10:12.540 --> 01:10:13.540
mission field.

1094
01:10:13.540 --> 01:10:16.780
You know, I need to make that a non-negotiable that they have to want to move to Turkey or

1095
01:10:16.780 --> 01:10:18.420
Syria or wherever with me.

1096
01:10:18.420 --> 01:10:21.820
And no, you don't, because you don't even know if you're going back there, you know,

1097
01:10:21.820 --> 01:10:26.280
just because it was a season of your life and it was a mission field in your life does

1098
01:10:26.280 --> 01:10:28.460
not mean that that's your future.

1099
01:10:28.460 --> 01:10:33.640
And so it's more important if we're compatible, if we enjoy each other, if we have the same

1100
01:10:33.640 --> 01:10:34.640
values.

1101
01:10:34.640 --> 01:10:40.640
If here's one thing that you could put on your non-negotiable list is that this person's

1102
01:10:40.640 --> 01:10:46.840
relationship with God is the type of relationship where, and you guys don't put this on your

1103
01:10:46.840 --> 01:10:47.840
non-negotiable list.

1104
01:10:47.840 --> 01:10:51.600
If this isn't the way you are, this is the way I am, but it might not be the way that

1105
01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:55.760
you are because I used to be a missionary and I still consider myself a missionary.

1106
01:10:55.760 --> 01:10:57.600
I'm a missionary to marriage and family.

1107
01:10:57.740 --> 01:11:00.580
I'm a revivalist in marriage and family now.

1108
01:11:00.580 --> 01:11:06.620
Everything that I do has the theme of me being on mission and saying yes to God and sacrificing

1109
01:11:06.620 --> 01:11:12.560
whatever it is that I want in my life to do what God's asking me to do.

1110
01:11:12.560 --> 01:11:15.620
So you can put that on your non-negotiable list.

1111
01:11:15.620 --> 01:11:17.460
It was on mine.

1112
01:11:17.460 --> 01:11:20.760
And so basically the non-negotiable sounded like this.

1113
01:11:20.760 --> 01:11:25.780
If God says, if God asked me to do something, the answer is yes.

1114
01:11:25.780 --> 01:11:32.180
If it's to pick up everything that I own and move tomorrow to, you know, Pakistan,

1115
01:11:32.180 --> 01:11:35.180
I'm going, okay?

1116
01:11:35.180 --> 01:11:38.180
I'm saying that to you guys and you're like, oh Jackie, I hope that doesn't happen.

1117
01:11:38.180 --> 01:11:41.620
Well, I hope it doesn't happen either, but I would do it, okay?

1118
01:11:41.620 --> 01:11:44.100
And I believe and trust the Lord in it.

1119
01:11:44.100 --> 01:11:48.780
My husband and I, and my husband has the exact same heart and mindset.

1120
01:11:48.780 --> 01:11:51.100
That's how we ended up in Austin, Texas.

1121
01:11:51.100 --> 01:11:54.460
God told us to move there, you guys, and we moved there with no place to live and all

1122
01:11:54.460 --> 01:11:57.820
of our belongings in a U-Haul.

1123
01:11:57.820 --> 01:12:02.340
When our kids were all grown up, they were all off to school and it was just an empty

1124
01:12:02.340 --> 01:12:03.340
nest.

1125
01:12:03.340 --> 01:12:05.100
And God's like, hey, move to Austin, Texas.

1126
01:12:05.100 --> 01:12:06.100
And we did it.

1127
01:12:06.100 --> 01:12:09.780
Now, if I would have had a spouse, that's the kind of spouse that wouldn't do that.

1128
01:12:09.780 --> 01:12:13.340
They're like, oh, I got my roots down here in Columbus, Ohio, I'm going to live here

1129
01:12:13.340 --> 01:12:14.340
until I die.

1130
01:12:14.340 --> 01:12:17.420
I'm going to work at the same job until I die or get laid off or get fired.

1131
01:12:17.420 --> 01:12:22.180
I have my 401k, I'm not doing anything until I'm retirement age and then maybe we can go

1132
01:12:22.180 --> 01:12:23.700
on an adventure.

1133
01:12:23.700 --> 01:12:27.620
That wouldn't be a good fit for me because that's not the way I've ever lived my life.

1134
01:12:27.620 --> 01:12:32.940
I've lived my life just being willing if God says, hey, this is what I'm doing for me to

1135
01:12:32.940 --> 01:12:35.260
yell shotgun and go along with it.

1136
01:12:35.260 --> 01:12:37.080
And so I married a man like that as well.

1137
01:12:37.080 --> 01:12:42.380
So if you're that type of person that has that type of kind of relationship with God,

1138
01:12:42.380 --> 01:12:44.460
then you can put that on your non-negotiable list.

1139
01:12:44.460 --> 01:12:49.940
You can't put anything on your non-negotiable list, please listen, that you are not already.

1140
01:12:50.380 --> 01:12:54.620
You want someone fit and healthy if you're not fit and healthy.

1141
01:12:54.620 --> 01:13:00.860
Don't put that you want someone who's financially, you know, fiscally responsible or financially

1142
01:13:00.860 --> 01:13:04.180
well off if you're broke.

1143
01:13:04.180 --> 01:13:07.980
So many ladies, and I'm going to call you out right now, I see it much more in women

1144
01:13:07.980 --> 01:13:12.180
than I do men, they are looking for a man to be their financial plan.

1145
01:13:12.180 --> 01:13:13.780
That is not right.

1146
01:13:13.780 --> 01:13:15.220
It's not right.

1147
01:13:15.220 --> 01:13:20.220
And no man who's a wise steward should want to marry a woman who's fiscally irresponsible.

1148
01:13:20.220 --> 01:13:24.860
Gentlemen, it's just as important.

1149
01:13:24.860 --> 01:13:28.660
She doesn't have to be rich, but it's just as important for a woman to be a wise steward

1150
01:13:28.660 --> 01:13:31.260
of what she has as a man.

1151
01:13:31.260 --> 01:13:32.260
Okay.

1152
01:13:32.260 --> 01:13:34.260
Hopefully I answered your question.

1153
01:13:34.260 --> 01:13:35.260
Was it Christina?

1154
01:13:35.260 --> 01:13:36.260
Yeah.

1155
01:13:36.260 --> 01:13:37.260
That's good.

1156
01:13:37.260 --> 01:13:38.260
Okay.

1157
01:13:38.260 --> 01:13:39.260
All right.

1158
01:13:39.260 --> 01:13:43.820
All right, guys, it's got off my little soapbox and I'm no longer on it.

1159
01:13:43.820 --> 01:13:57.260
So Wendy, you're next.

1160
01:13:57.260 --> 01:13:58.500
Don't be afraid, Wendy.

1161
01:13:58.500 --> 01:14:01.420
I'm nice.

1162
01:14:01.420 --> 01:14:06.420
Where is she?

1163
01:14:06.420 --> 01:14:12.420
Okay, Nicole.

1164
01:14:12.420 --> 01:14:17.500
Hi, I actually have a question.

1165
01:14:17.500 --> 01:14:21.820
I could ask a non-negotiable one, but I had a question about advisory councils.

1166
01:14:21.820 --> 01:14:22.820
Okay.

1167
01:14:22.820 --> 01:14:23.820
Yeah.

1168
01:14:23.820 --> 01:14:24.820
Okay.

1169
01:14:24.820 --> 01:14:29.140
For me, I just moved recently to a new state in Tennessee.

1170
01:14:29.140 --> 01:14:34.740
I have a lot of people and connections from a bunch of different places, but not necessarily

1171
01:14:34.740 --> 01:14:35.740
here.

1172
01:14:35.740 --> 01:14:38.860
The people I know here are more like on an acquaintance level.

1173
01:14:39.020 --> 01:14:42.780
So I'm just kind of looking for ideas of what I could do about that.

1174
01:14:42.780 --> 01:14:46.460
I still want to reach out to some people in different places, like in Atlanta and over

1175
01:14:46.460 --> 01:14:49.740
in the Augusta area, back home in Alabama.

1176
01:14:49.740 --> 01:14:53.500
I have an idea of maybe someone I can ask here, but just maybe what should that look

1177
01:14:53.500 --> 01:14:55.980
like since I've just moved?

1178
01:14:55.980 --> 01:14:56.980
Yeah.

1179
01:14:56.980 --> 01:14:59.180
What are your thoughts?

1180
01:14:59.180 --> 01:15:00.060
Your advisory circle.

1181
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.440
does not have to be local, y'all.

1182
01:15:02.440 --> 01:15:04.920
It doesn't have to be local at all.

1183
01:15:04.920 --> 01:15:06.940
The criteria is that they know you well,

1184
01:15:06.940 --> 01:15:09.400
that you trust them to speak into your life.

1185
01:15:09.400 --> 01:15:11.800
They have different circle than you do.

1186
01:15:11.800 --> 01:15:14.420
Okay, these are the criterias.

1187
01:15:14.420 --> 01:15:16.480
They don't have to be local to you.

1188
01:15:16.480 --> 01:15:19.400
In fact, you want them to have a different circle.

1189
01:15:19.400 --> 01:15:20.240
Okay.

1190
01:15:20.240 --> 01:15:22.780
Yeah, I've got another one in Texas I could ask as well.

1191
01:15:22.780 --> 01:15:24.400
It's just, it's all kind of spread out.

1192
01:15:24.400 --> 01:15:25.520
If something did work out,

1193
01:15:25.520 --> 01:15:28.080
that would be interesting trying to date, but yeah.

1194
01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:29.080
Thank you.

1195
01:15:29.080 --> 01:15:31.080
Yeah, I mean, listen, I mean, they're gonna,

1196
01:15:31.080 --> 01:15:32.900
they're enlisting to help you with your love life.

1197
01:15:32.900 --> 01:15:35.280
So hopefully if they know someone in their area

1198
01:15:35.280 --> 01:15:36.320
that they want to introduce you to,

1199
01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:38.680
they could also put you up, you know,

1200
01:15:38.680 --> 01:15:40.520
in their spare bedroom when you come to visit

1201
01:15:40.520 --> 01:15:42.280
to meet that person.

1202
01:15:42.280 --> 01:15:45.420
Yeah, all of them would be willing to do that, I'm sure.

1203
01:15:45.420 --> 01:15:46.960
It's lovely.

1204
01:15:46.960 --> 01:15:47.800
Yeah.

1205
01:15:47.800 --> 01:15:48.620
Thank you.

1206
01:15:48.620 --> 01:15:50.580
It's great to have that many choices.

1207
01:15:50.580 --> 01:15:51.420
All right.

1208
01:15:51.420 --> 01:15:52.680
Okay, so that was Nicole, right?

1209
01:15:52.680 --> 01:15:54.120
And so Hunter.

1210
01:15:54.120 --> 01:15:54.960
Yeah.

1211
01:15:54.960 --> 01:15:56.160
Oh, I'm back now.

1212
01:15:56.160 --> 01:15:58.320
Oh, wait, who's back?

1213
01:15:58.320 --> 01:15:59.160
Nicole?

1214
01:15:59.160 --> 01:16:00.000
Wendy, Wendy.

1215
01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:01.280
I'm Wendy Bradford.

1216
01:16:01.280 --> 01:16:02.120
Oh, Wendy.

1217
01:16:02.120 --> 01:16:02.960
Oh, there's Wendy.

1218
01:16:02.960 --> 01:16:04.560
Okay, go ahead, Wendy.

1219
01:16:04.560 --> 01:16:07.000
Yeah, I said that I wanted to have,

1220
01:16:07.000 --> 01:16:07.920
I never had children,

1221
01:16:07.920 --> 01:16:09.860
so I wanted to have somebody who already had kids

1222
01:16:09.860 --> 01:16:11.180
because I love kids.

1223
01:16:12.080 --> 01:16:13.040
Is that?

1224
01:16:13.040 --> 01:16:14.660
I think that's a beautiful preference.

1225
01:16:14.660 --> 01:16:16.480
I wouldn't make it a non-negotiable.

1226
01:16:16.480 --> 01:16:17.560
Okay.

1227
01:16:17.560 --> 01:16:20.280
Yeah, but listen, God knows the desires of your heart.

1228
01:16:22.160 --> 01:16:23.120
Yeah.

1229
01:16:23.120 --> 01:16:25.980
A lot of times people, you know, when this is the case,

1230
01:16:25.980 --> 01:16:26.980
and it's not just you, Wendy,

1231
01:16:26.980 --> 01:16:29.380
but so many people out there never had children.

1232
01:16:29.380 --> 01:16:32.980
They really are hoping to have access to some children

1233
01:16:32.980 --> 01:16:35.020
and grandchildren through their future spouse.

1234
01:16:35.020 --> 01:16:37.140
And oftentimes that's what happens,

1235
01:16:37.140 --> 01:16:38.820
but definitely don't want you to turn down

1236
01:16:38.820 --> 01:16:40.460
a really wonderful partner

1237
01:16:40.460 --> 01:16:42.460
that also, like you, didn't have children

1238
01:16:42.460 --> 01:16:45.580
because the opportunity to impact young people

1239
01:16:45.580 --> 01:16:47.860
and to impact people that become like children,

1240
01:16:47.860 --> 01:16:48.820
spiritual children,

1241
01:16:48.820 --> 01:16:51.600
and people that come around you in family is great.

1242
01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:52.440
Okay.

1243
01:16:52.440 --> 01:16:53.780
And maybe they have nieces and nephews.

1244
01:16:53.780 --> 01:16:54.780
Maybe they don't have children,

1245
01:16:54.780 --> 01:16:56.500
but maybe they have nieces and nephews that are close to them.

1246
01:16:56.500 --> 01:16:57.740
It could be all kinds of things.

1247
01:16:57.740 --> 01:17:00.740
So it's really important just to leave your options open there.

1248
01:17:03.580 --> 01:17:04.420
All right.

1249
01:17:04.420 --> 01:17:05.340
I want to do this really quick

1250
01:17:05.340 --> 01:17:08.300
because I want to go over marriage curious

1251
01:17:08.300 --> 01:17:11.060
versus marriage minded and ready versus, you know,

1252
01:17:11.060 --> 01:17:14.400
the readiness over romance kind of idea.

1253
01:17:14.400 --> 01:17:16.260
And just, you know, just for two seconds

1254
01:17:16.260 --> 01:17:18.100
before we end tonight.

1255
01:17:18.100 --> 01:17:19.460
So Hunter and Jacqueline,

1256
01:17:19.460 --> 01:17:21.400
let's just do the non-negotiable real quick.

1257
01:17:21.400 --> 01:17:22.240
No backstory.

1258
01:17:22.240 --> 01:17:23.100
What's up, Hunter?

1259
01:17:23.100 --> 01:17:27.340
Well, I was thinking about if I was to meet somebody,

1260
01:17:27.340 --> 01:17:30.060
I like to, my biggest part is relocating.

1261
01:17:30.060 --> 01:17:32.140
I want to be local here.

1262
01:17:32.140 --> 01:17:33.500
I have no plans to relocate

1263
01:17:33.500 --> 01:17:35.400
until I get to fully know the person.

1264
01:17:35.400 --> 01:17:38.300
And my worst part is moving further away from my family

1265
01:17:38.300 --> 01:17:40.620
because I moved from Ohio to New York.

1266
01:17:40.620 --> 01:17:42.620
But unless I relocate back to Ohio,

1267
01:17:42.620 --> 01:17:44.540
is that a good non-negotiable?

1268
01:17:44.540 --> 01:17:46.380
Because I don't like moving away.

1269
01:17:47.280 --> 01:17:49.060
I mean, no one likes moving away.

1270
01:17:49.060 --> 01:17:50.700
A lot of people don't like change,

1271
01:17:50.700 --> 01:17:53.460
but that doesn't make it a non-negotiable.

1272
01:17:53.460 --> 01:17:56.700
Non-negotiables as far as relocation would be concerning.

1273
01:17:56.700 --> 01:17:58.300
You guys, I'm just helping you

1274
01:17:58.300 --> 01:18:00.420
because I don't want you to limit your options.

1275
01:18:00.420 --> 01:18:02.680
There's a lot of people that are gonna meet a spirit mate

1276
01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:06.700
that is a situation where they're gonna relocate, okay?

1277
01:18:06.700 --> 01:18:08.020
It's happening all the time.

1278
01:18:08.020 --> 01:18:11.540
In fact, my word for singles in 23, 2023,

1279
01:18:11.540 --> 01:18:13.780
was relocation, relocation, relocation.

1280
01:18:13.780 --> 01:18:16.380
And so many people relocated.

1281
01:18:16.380 --> 01:18:18.860
Now, Hunter, in your situation, just dealing with,

1282
01:18:19.060 --> 01:18:21.060
some of the things you've been dealing with,

1283
01:18:21.060 --> 01:18:23.800
being close to community and being rooted in community.

1284
01:18:23.800 --> 01:18:26.300
I think that in your case,

1285
01:18:28.700 --> 01:18:31.100
staying rooted where you are and in community,

1286
01:18:31.100 --> 01:18:32.380
I think is a good idea.

1287
01:18:32.380 --> 01:18:34.340
So I think that it's okay for you to have that

1288
01:18:34.340 --> 01:18:35.180
as a non-negotiable right now.

1289
01:18:35.180 --> 01:18:37.580
My non-negotiable is to meet my family,

1290
01:18:37.580 --> 01:18:41.020
both our families and the extended family, if possible,

1291
01:18:41.020 --> 01:18:43.180
and spend more time doing it.

1292
01:18:43.180 --> 01:18:45.420
Because I don't like the ideas.

1293
01:18:45.420 --> 01:18:47.780
My last thing I need is more for my spouse

1294
01:18:48.620 --> 01:18:51.560
for me to marry someone who's never met my whole family.

1295
01:18:51.560 --> 01:18:53.060
Well, of course, Hunter.

1296
01:18:53.060 --> 01:18:54.300
Of course, they're gonna meet your family

1297
01:18:54.300 --> 01:18:55.280
before you marry them.

1298
01:18:55.280 --> 01:18:57.740
Yes, that should be a non-negotiable for sure.

1299
01:18:57.740 --> 01:18:58.980
Okay, Wendy, you're up.

1300
01:18:58.980 --> 01:19:00.320
What do you got?

1301
01:19:00.320 --> 01:19:02.260
I think you may know.

1302
01:19:02.260 --> 01:19:04.740
Oh, Jacqueline, Jacqueline, oh yes, Jacqueline.

1303
01:19:04.740 --> 01:19:07.620
So I don't watch TV very much,

1304
01:19:07.620 --> 01:19:10.720
but I know some people have to have background noise

1305
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:12.020
all the time, 24 seven.

1306
01:19:12.020 --> 01:19:14.140
I dated someone a couple of dates

1307
01:19:14.140 --> 01:19:16.620
and they have to have TV on all the time

1308
01:19:16.620 --> 01:19:19.380
and even had Netflix when they were driving.

1309
01:19:19.380 --> 01:19:22.300
And I have four kids, I already have enough chaos in my life

1310
01:19:22.300 --> 01:19:24.860
so I like peace and quiet in the home,

1311
01:19:24.860 --> 01:19:27.420
like maybe some soft music, but no noise.

1312
01:19:27.420 --> 01:19:29.580
Is that a dumb non-negotiable?

1313
01:19:29.580 --> 01:19:31.620
I know, I didn't realize it's a thing,

1314
01:19:31.620 --> 01:19:33.420
but a lot of people I know

1315
01:19:33.420 --> 01:19:36.020
have to have background noise on all the time.

1316
01:19:36.020 --> 01:19:36.860
Well, first of all,

1317
01:19:36.860 --> 01:19:39.060
what you're describing is kind of extreme.

1318
01:19:39.060 --> 01:19:40.500
You know, someone, you know,

1319
01:19:40.500 --> 01:19:42.180
watching Netflix when they're driving.

1320
01:19:42.180 --> 01:19:44.020
I mean, these are extreme scenarios,

1321
01:19:44.020 --> 01:19:45.300
what you're describing.

1322
01:19:45.300 --> 01:19:47.980
But, you know, you guys, I just want to let you know,

1323
01:19:47.980 --> 01:19:49.100
when you get married

1324
01:19:49.100 --> 01:19:52.100
and when you bring another person into your life,

1325
01:19:52.100 --> 01:19:54.020
they are going to be different than you.

1326
01:19:54.020 --> 01:19:57.860
They are going to live differently than you do.

1327
01:19:57.860 --> 01:19:59.740
You know, they are going to.

1328
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.000
Disturb your peace, so to speak, in certain ways, you know, like, you know, my husband

1329
01:20:06.000 --> 01:20:08.920
is the loudest chewer that I've ever heard in my life.

1330
01:20:08.920 --> 01:20:13.220
He scrapes the plate with his fork, you know, I'm just like, is this all men?

1331
01:20:13.220 --> 01:20:14.220
Is this you?

1332
01:20:14.220 --> 01:20:15.220
What's happening?

1333
01:20:15.220 --> 01:20:16.220
I don't know.

1334
01:20:16.220 --> 01:20:20.480
You know, and just general, in general, ladies, no offense to you men, but in general, men

1335
01:20:20.480 --> 01:20:21.480
are just kind of loud.

1336
01:20:21.480 --> 01:20:25.680
They burp, they fart, they, you know, they snore, you know, some of you ladies probably

1337
01:20:25.680 --> 01:20:26.680
snore as well.

1338
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:30.880
I just want you to get ready for the fact that someone is going to be in your space

1339
01:20:30.880 --> 01:20:35.480
and if you haven't had anyone in your space ever, or maybe for a long time, um, it's going

1340
01:20:35.480 --> 01:20:38.280
to be a rude awakening.

1341
01:20:38.280 --> 01:20:43.500
Now what she's describing is a lifestyle of, you know, entertainment and media.

1342
01:20:43.500 --> 01:20:45.980
That's not really something that she does with her life.

1343
01:20:45.980 --> 01:20:50.360
So it's not a non-negotiable, but it is, it is more on the preference side that you would

1344
01:20:50.360 --> 01:20:56.560
be with someone who isn't really into watching TV, into watching movies, likes to be outside

1345
01:20:56.640 --> 01:20:57.640
more.

1346
01:20:57.640 --> 01:21:02.320
So if I was going to put part of that into a non-negotiable, Jacqueline, what I would

1347
01:21:02.320 --> 01:21:09.600
put into the non-negotiable is that you want someone, um, who really has the same morals

1348
01:21:09.600 --> 01:21:11.800
and values as you do.

1349
01:21:11.800 --> 01:21:16.600
You know, someone who values the things that you value, which it sounds like you value

1350
01:21:16.600 --> 01:21:18.280
family time.

1351
01:21:18.280 --> 01:21:25.880
It sounds like you value, um, you know, cultivating peace, uh, in your life, you know, in, in

1352
01:21:25.880 --> 01:21:26.880
places of peace.

1353
01:21:26.880 --> 01:21:31.700
It sounds like you value making your house a refuge of peace.

1354
01:21:31.700 --> 01:21:37.280
And so I would put it more like that instead of like, they can't watch TV, they can't like

1355
01:21:37.280 --> 01:21:40.440
music, they can't like anything that I don't like.

1356
01:21:40.440 --> 01:21:45.160
I would put it more into a value or a principle than I would into a preference.

1357
01:21:45.160 --> 01:21:46.160
Make sense?

1358
01:21:46.160 --> 01:21:47.160
Yes.

1359
01:21:47.240 --> 01:21:48.240
Yes.

1360
01:21:48.240 --> 01:21:49.240
Thank you.

1361
01:21:49.240 --> 01:21:50.240
That's perfect.

1362
01:21:50.240 --> 01:21:51.240
Okay.

1363
01:21:51.240 --> 01:21:52.240
All right, you guys, let's go over real quick.

1364
01:21:52.240 --> 01:21:55.920
The, um, the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

1365
01:21:55.920 --> 01:22:06.000
Now let's go over the four, um, the four signals, the four genuine signals of readiness.

1366
01:22:06.000 --> 01:22:07.000
Okay.

1367
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:08.000
Say they have all your non-negotiables.

1368
01:22:08.000 --> 01:22:12.080
I want you to work on your non-negotiable lists and please be looking in the group because

1369
01:22:12.080 --> 01:22:16.760
I'm going to post some more little tidbits about your non-negotiables.

1370
01:22:16.760 --> 01:22:18.600
Use the worksheet, but I'm going to add to it.

1371
01:22:18.600 --> 01:22:22.160
I'm going to explain some even deeper things that are going to help you with that brain

1372
01:22:22.160 --> 01:22:25.960
dump categories and then weeding it out and weeding it down.

1373
01:22:25.960 --> 01:22:26.960
Okay.

1374
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:31.000
I want all of you to come with your non-negotiable lists next week and no one's list better have

1375
01:22:31.000 --> 01:22:32.960
more than 15 things on it.

1376
01:22:32.960 --> 01:22:34.640
All right.

1377
01:22:34.640 --> 01:22:35.760
Okay.

1378
01:22:35.760 --> 01:22:39.040
Don't sneak the peas into the mashed potatoes.

1379
01:22:39.040 --> 01:22:41.000
All right.

1380
01:22:41.000 --> 01:22:42.440
Don't do it.

1381
01:22:42.440 --> 01:22:46.720
Don't be like, I want this, but then you have 15 footnotes underneath there.

1382
01:22:47.680 --> 01:22:49.880
No, 15 non-negotiables period.

1383
01:22:49.880 --> 01:22:50.880
Okay.

1384
01:22:50.880 --> 01:22:51.880
Try to weed it down.

1385
01:22:51.880 --> 01:22:56.400
I'm going to help you, but say they have everything, every single thing, or they don't have the

1386
01:22:56.400 --> 01:22:59.800
things on your non-negotiables, meaning like some of your non-negotiables be like, I don't

1387
01:22:59.800 --> 01:23:00.800
want this.

1388
01:23:00.800 --> 01:23:01.800
Right?

1389
01:23:01.800 --> 01:23:06.520
So they either have it or they don't have it, meaning that they fit what you want.

1390
01:23:06.520 --> 01:23:08.680
Are they ready for marriage?

1391
01:23:08.680 --> 01:23:10.520
Are they ready for a relationship?

1392
01:23:10.520 --> 01:23:11.720
Are they marriage minded?

1393
01:23:11.720 --> 01:23:13.540
Are they marriage curious?

1394
01:23:13.540 --> 01:23:15.920
And so here are the four signals of those.

1395
01:23:15.920 --> 01:23:17.520
The number one thing you're going to be looking for.

1396
01:23:17.520 --> 01:23:21.840
We're going to talk about that 30, 60, 90 day framework next week.

1397
01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:23.640
Are they planning?

1398
01:23:23.640 --> 01:23:25.640
And gentlemen, this is not just you.

1399
01:23:25.640 --> 01:23:26.640
It's women as well.

1400
01:23:26.640 --> 01:23:30.680
Ladies, I know you just want to sit back like a passenger princess in this life and just

1401
01:23:30.680 --> 01:23:32.320
let the man plan everything.

1402
01:23:32.320 --> 01:23:33.880
That is not what marriage looks like.

1403
01:23:33.880 --> 01:23:37.360
I don't know who came up with this BS, but it is not what marriage looks like.

1404
01:23:37.360 --> 01:23:38.360
It's ridiculous.

1405
01:23:38.360 --> 01:23:39.360
It really is.

1406
01:23:39.360 --> 01:23:40.360
It's so dumb.

1407
01:23:40.360 --> 01:23:41.960
I don't even know where it comes from.

1408
01:23:41.960 --> 01:23:43.340
Okay.

1409
01:23:43.340 --> 01:23:47.340
Half of you in here have such strong preferences about where you want to go and what you want

1410
01:23:47.340 --> 01:23:48.340
to do.

1411
01:23:48.340 --> 01:23:53.800
Just sit back and let some man plan some subpar version of that so that you can just be like,

1412
01:23:53.800 --> 01:23:56.860
I'm not enjoying myself on this date.

1413
01:23:56.860 --> 01:23:59.900
Give the brother some help.

1414
01:23:59.900 --> 01:24:01.260
Okay?

1415
01:24:01.260 --> 01:24:03.180
Let him know what you like to do.

1416
01:24:03.180 --> 01:24:06.340
Make some suggestions, help him out.

1417
01:24:06.340 --> 01:24:07.860
Marriage is West Coast swing.

1418
01:24:07.860 --> 01:24:09.100
It's not a waltz.

1419
01:24:09.100 --> 01:24:12.340
You're not looking for some man to drag you around the dance floor for the rest of your

1420
01:24:12.340 --> 01:24:16.940
life leading the steps.

1421
01:24:16.940 --> 01:24:18.860
You are going to collaborate together.

1422
01:24:18.860 --> 01:24:19.940
This is a collaboration.

1423
01:24:19.940 --> 01:24:21.340
This is a partnership.

1424
01:24:21.340 --> 01:24:25.900
If you want me to get into what it is that feminine was supposed to add to the masculine

1425
01:24:25.900 --> 01:24:29.700
all the way back to Genesis, I will do that, but you will see very clearly it was not a

1426
01:24:29.700 --> 01:24:36.260
passenger princess lifestyle and it wasn't a help meet becoming some sort of supporting

1427
01:24:36.260 --> 01:24:39.980
actress to his main character either.

1428
01:24:39.980 --> 01:24:42.700
It ain't any of that.

1429
01:24:42.700 --> 01:24:44.980
So we're bringing back biblical marriage.

1430
01:24:44.980 --> 01:24:46.260
That's what we're doing here.

1431
01:24:46.260 --> 01:24:48.620
And I want you to step into your kingdom marriage.

1432
01:24:48.620 --> 01:24:49.620
Okay?

1433
01:24:49.620 --> 01:24:51.940
So are they a commitment ready person?

1434
01:24:51.940 --> 01:24:53.500
That's the number one signal.

1435
01:24:53.500 --> 01:24:58.980
Do are they someone who is looking to get to know you?

1436
01:24:58.980 --> 01:24:59.980
It's not about them planning.

1437
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.740
Perfect date. It's about them trying to get in person with you

1438
01:25:05.480 --> 01:25:07.120
person who's

1439
01:25:07.120 --> 01:25:11.980
Kind of wanting to get to know someone is like, yeah, let's go do something sometime

1440
01:25:13.080 --> 01:25:20.080
All right, there's no follow-through. There's no availability there. Their schedule is packed solid. They're like, yeah, you know

1441
01:25:20.080 --> 01:25:26.460
I don't really have a lot of time right now, but you know, maybe next month again. This person is not marriage minded

1442
01:25:27.460 --> 01:25:29.460
They're not looking for a relationship

1443
01:25:30.260 --> 01:25:35.420
They're not they're looking for attention and they're getting it on this app or however

1444
01:25:35.420 --> 01:25:42.500
You've met them, but they're not interested in building anything or pushing anything forward. Okay, so the number one thing are they available?

1445
01:25:43.260 --> 01:25:45.260
Are they suggesting?

1446
01:25:46.220 --> 01:25:51.420
Opportunities for you guys to get together. Are they planning? Are they making getting to know you a priority?

1447
01:25:51.420 --> 01:25:55.700
That's the number one thing. The number two thing is that their behavior must match their words

1448
01:25:56.260 --> 01:25:58.740
Their behavior must match their words, okay

1449
01:25:59.740 --> 01:26:02.740
Someone who says that they had a really good time on a date with you

1450
01:26:02.740 --> 01:26:06.780
But then afterwards you don't hear from them for three days. That's not congruent. Is it?

1451
01:26:07.860 --> 01:26:10.060
Someone who says hey, I can't wait to do this again

1452
01:26:10.060 --> 01:26:15.340
But guess what they can wait to do it again because you don't hear from them for two weeks. That's not congruent

1453
01:26:16.500 --> 01:26:22.580
Their behavior and their words must match. Okay, the number three thing is is that someone who really is

1454
01:26:22.740 --> 01:26:29.700
Interested in getting to know you and is really liking the connection is someone who's gonna probably bring you into their world sooner rather than

1455
01:26:29.700 --> 01:26:30.700
later

1456
01:26:30.700 --> 01:26:32.700
If they're a marriage minded person

1457
01:26:32.700 --> 01:26:36.540
They're going to want the people that are important to them to meet you sooner rather than later

1458
01:26:36.540 --> 01:26:40.380
Maybe not their kids and maybe not their parents, but definitely their friends

1459
01:26:40.900 --> 01:26:48.580
Definitely their colleagues people that they do things with people that they do life with they're going to want to involve you

1460
01:26:49.220 --> 01:26:50.340
in

1461
01:26:50.340 --> 01:26:59.420
That shenanigans sooner rather than later. Okay, and then the fourth signal is is how do they handle the first thing that goes wrong in a

1462
01:26:59.940 --> 01:27:04.460
Relationship the first time that you have to cancel true story. A

1463
01:27:05.940 --> 01:27:07.940
Guy a girl matched

1464
01:27:09.180 --> 01:27:11.660
It was exciting they had a lot in common

1465
01:27:13.180 --> 01:27:15.180
She got into a fender-bender

1466
01:27:16.500 --> 01:27:18.500
Two days before the wedding

1467
01:27:19.180 --> 01:27:21.180
Two days before the date

1468
01:27:22.580 --> 01:27:27.340
He actually didn't want to reschedule because he didn't believe it was true

1469
01:27:27.340 --> 01:27:29.940
He thought she was just making it up to get out of the date

1470
01:27:32.780 --> 01:27:38.020
So this would be the definition of how do they handle the first inconvenience the first thing that goes wrong

1471
01:27:38.020 --> 01:27:42.740
How do they handle it? Do they get suspicious? Do they back away? Do they pull away? Do they withdraw?

1472
01:27:43.500 --> 01:27:47.260
Do they get angry do they accuse you of doing something that you're not doing?

1473
01:27:47.260 --> 01:27:52.740
Oh, you had a date with someone else. You went out with someone else instead of with me, you know, do it what happens?

1474
01:27:53.540 --> 01:27:59.260
Do they get upset because you disagreed with them about something that you guys both saw on the news and then they got all

1475
01:27:59.260 --> 01:28:01.900
Butthurt over it and then you didn't hear from them for four days

1476
01:28:01.900 --> 01:28:06.900
And then when you heard from them, they expected you to apologize. It's like this is good information

1477
01:28:07.740 --> 01:28:14.220
To tell you the ending of that story. He did give her another chance. They did reschedule the date and now they're married

1478
01:28:14.820 --> 01:28:17.500
Thank you very much. Okay, so

1479
01:28:19.380 --> 01:28:22.380
You guys the road to true love does not run smooth

1480
01:28:23.740 --> 01:28:29.940
There is no connection that you are ever gonna get in that's not gonna require effort. There's no connection. That's not gonna have conflict

1481
01:28:29.940 --> 01:28:33.540
There's no effort. There's no connection. That's not gonna have miscommunications

1482
01:28:34.260 --> 01:28:36.260
It's gonna happen and

1483
01:28:36.580 --> 01:28:42.860
So a marriage minded person a person who's done enough work in order to be able to really partner is

1484
01:28:42.980 --> 01:28:48.940
Going to take that stuff in stride. All right, that's gonna be really important. That is readiness over romance

1485
01:28:48.940 --> 01:28:56.980
All right. So your homework is to do that sheet to build your non-negotiables. I will be putting up some other things in the

1486
01:28:57.820 --> 01:29:02.180
The app group the modern dating sucks app group not the Facebook page the app group

1487
01:29:02.500 --> 01:29:08.540
Just some more tips and tricks to help you to do an even better job on weeding down those non-negotiables

1488
01:29:09.060 --> 01:29:16.860
Into that 0 to 15 list. All right. I'm excited to see you next week. Keep building your relationship advisory circle

1489
01:29:17.980 --> 01:29:19.660
Continue to do your homework

1490
01:29:19.660 --> 01:29:25.060
There's a whole new reading assignment and a bunch of stuff in there for week 4 and I'll see you soon. Bye everyone