All right.
There we go.
Good morning.
This is Men's Heart Check-In, August 3rd, 2026.
I got some amazing men on this call and got a new guy, Justin, joining the club and glad
to have him here.
So, Justin, I'm going to put you out the gate just so everybody gets to know you and where
are you from?
What do you like?
What do you do for a living?
Like, what do you like to do for fun?
Well, good evening, everybody.
Obviously, my name is Justin.
I am an Arizona native, so I've lived here my whole life.
I just recently purchased my first new home in Gold Canyon, which is out on the east side
of town.
Nice place.
Grew up in a Christian family.
I didn't live a Christian lifestyle for a long time, decided it was time to come back
to the Lord about four years ago, and it's been a wild ride ever since then, pretty much
hit rock bottom.
And then he's put me in a place now that is, only God could have done, we'll just put it
that way.
I am working for the local utility company, the electrical company, their name is Salt
River Project, SRP, notoriously hard place to get a job at.
And I'm training to be a substation electrician right now with them.
So, things are just looking up in every sense of the word.
I found Jackie on a podcast from Christian Bevere.
That's where I saw her.
I was watching a lot of Christian videos on YouTube at the time, and she was there.
Is that like Lisa and John's son, I'm assuming?
Yes, exactly.
Okay, yeah.
That's amazing.
Christian's their daughter-in-law.
Oh, my bad.
No, I mean, if you saw a picture of her, you wouldn't be able to mistake her for a man.
That's for sure.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sure.
I hope not.
It's so cool.
Welcome, Justin.
Thanks, man.
And we have Blake, too.
Hey, Blake, are you new?
I don't recognize...
Bob?
Is this your first time?
Yeah, I'm apparently new.
And I think I found Jackie through the same podcast.
Oh, did you?
Sweet.
Yeah, Jackie's amazing.
Jackie and David, I mean, they're friends of mine, as well as like, that's why I'm here.
Right?
Like, you know, because I believe in what they're doing.
And I believe the call in their lives, and they're the most, I mean, legit people you
can find.
Right?
You know, it's so funny, because I met them before I ever came on this.
I was like, so what do you do?
She's like, I'm a matchmaker.
I'm like, what?
Like, is that even a thing?
You know, and a year later, I joined the group, because some friends of mine were like, hey,
you should jump in.
And so, you know, gosh, I don't even want to share this, guys.
It's been crazy.
Because I shared it to you guys, I got to update you.
But I really, really don't want to.
So I went to Bethel, got literally stopped on the way out of Bethel by two ladies.
One of them was like, hey, you looking to get married?
Are you interested in her?
We met at the bookstore.
So we started like a two-week romance that lasted less than two weeks, or a little under
two weeks.
But it was good in the way where, because it started, hindsight, actually, I don't know
hindsight, because literally we were, her friend is like, are you looking to get married?
It was starting on the like, hey, and so I was like, so you're looking to get married,
I'm looking to get married.
Let's just check it out.
See how we gel.
We already gelled.
So it was like, let's just see if we could work it through the details.
I did not know what, oh, what is it?
Disorganized attachment was.
As you guys all hear me talking about how there's like 3% of the women are avoidant.
Well, so I thought disorganized in my memory was you're sometimes anxious and you're sometimes
avoidant.
No, it's just two different strains of avoidant.
One's fearful and one's another.
Anyway, as long story short, she, when I was supposed to go see her Saturday, no, Friday
night, we were going to, we're going to drive, I was going to meet her in Colorado and we're
going to hang out.
And she freaked out and she bolted.
So like, well, and I, you know, like sometimes the trauma, I reminded her of her ex.
So when, so I said, hey, I'm an ENFP, yeah, I think I'm an ENFP.
And I'm an Enneagram seven.
And she's like, what Enneagram seven?
That's a red flag for me.
And I'm like, how is a personality type, a red flag, right?
Like, just so you know, guys, a personality type can't, I mean, you can have issues with
somebody who is a seven because a lot of them are very irresponsible and they have FOMO
so they don't commit.
So, I mean, that is the bad part, but they're also the life of the party and they make everybody
like having fun and make sure everybody's engaged. So, that's kind of me. I'm more
the not FOMO guy. And everybody's a gradient, so I hate labels. So, that started it.
But she did introduce, we started going through a marriage book that she had because I'd never
heard of it and she just bought it. And it actually is going to revolutionize how I teach.
Like literally, it blew up all of my paradigms and I'm still trying to,
I mean, it's based on a lot of fact and I'm still, I do a lot of relationship counseling,
or coaching, sorry. So, anyways, and like, that's why I say, if you guys ever have any
questions, I may or may not have the answer, but I can probably help you guys quite a bit.
That's why when you get the floor. So, the other thing, so let's say you guys,
if you find somebody, okay, like, let's just say you find somebody you think is
going to be like worth pursuing down. You've heard of Jackie talk about the Simbis,
the save your marriage before it starts test. There's this Simbis thing, right? Basically,
they answer questions, you answer questions, and they show how you guys come together.
And they'll go like, and I'm really oversimplifying it, but like, just basically,
here's your strengths, here's your weaknesses, here's where you're going to be strong in your
relationship, here's where you're going to need some, need to be aware of and make sure that
you're doing something about. And Simbis is a really good tool to see the things that could
hurt you in your relationship. Because if you know what's coming, you know where your areas of
problem are, you can actually just get it out, do something about it before something happens,
right? So anyways, and there's a bunch of books that I'm not going to get into. But like,
the books that get you guys talking about one of the biggest problems in marriage and relationships
is unspoken expectations. Like you grew up in a household, she grew up in a household,
you both have expectations of how said household is going to be. Then you get into a household,
and your thought is different than her thought. And that's when like, things fly. So any of the
tools that get you talking about what our life's going to look like, what is raising kids, I mean,
like, it depends on which stage of life, if you already have kids, like, but what really important
one is, what do we do with the kids? Like, well, we're going to send them to a freaking
boarding school in Boston. And no, I'm going to homeschool, you know, can you see how that might
be a problem? So So anyways, anybody have some wins? I mean, I guess I won. I've had four
stunning women come into my life crashed into my life, four weeks in a row. I mean, like, like,
absurd. Like, I spent so I was supposed to be on a plane on Friday. I wasn't I was super bummed.
My friends asked me to help out their event. I ended up dancing with this absurdly beautiful
41 year old for six hours, and we hung out the whole night long. And I didn't think about
Colorado one bit. You know, there was there was actually 400 women here and like 50 guys,
it was kind of crazy. But it was but you know, so you never know when the season hits, dude,
I'm at the gym, and I got like three that are trying to chase me down. So you guys,
they're out there, we just have to get ourselves ready for it. I just say that to help you to
encourage you guys, like a lot. One didn't work out. But I could have spent a year or two.
And then figured out we didn't work. Two weeks. I mean, it sucked, dude, because we were really
compatible. She is my list. Like she fit everything on my list, other than she couldn't get through
the trauma of her ex, which you guys, you're gonna be if the whoever you meet has traumatic
issues with their ex, and they haven't handled them, you're going to trigger those. And unless
they can work through them. And they can, like, we totally could have worked through it. But she
needed to be willing to work through it. Sorry, I'm talking a lot. But does that make sense to
you guys? So that's the update. It's not super sexy. I was wishing it was. Sorry, brother.
That is rough. I guess my to dovetail off that I guess my win this week is gonna be
I've got a date on Sunday. Went out to dinner with someone I met through coffee meets bagel,
which I like that. I like that one. Yeah. I've had mixed. I think it depends on where you're at.
Yeah, I I seem to get one type of woman but this this one is a little bit different. So she's
you know, just to be completely transparent, she she's weird.
And I'm trying to be I was trying to say that over this
weekend and to tell some people about it. And like, what do you
mean? What do you mean? I'm like, it's not bad. I'm just
saying she's weird. Like, if I you got to look at these profile
pictures, like she's she's weird. And but the weird ones I
tend to like so I'm just giving
it to people who are themselves, even if it is weird. So yeah. So
did you say you're going out like in a week? Like a week from
yesterday? Or you went Sunday?
We're going out Sunday night. This Sunday. Just just want to
clarify. And so we're I was it's been it's been an interesting
drink is like a like you're saying I had a that lady that
I've been telling you guys about that blew up and I'm sad about
it. But I jumped like right after that I jumped back on the
apps and tried to lock down some dates not wanting to do my
usual thing where I take a year off of dating. So I turned 40
this weekend too. So I'm I'm going through a lot of life
changes. It's a lot.
Yeah. I'll be 51 in three weeks. So yeah, I'm not really super
stoked about that either. But yeah, you know, like, but it's
funny because I have like a 30 year old hitting on me and like
it just like it's it's insane. So whatever, like, I stopped
dying my goatee because I had 20 year olds like, Oh, you know,
like, go. Can I can introduce you to my son who's 23. So but
that's cool. Christopher waiting to get back on the horse. And
you know, Friday night, I was Friday. I was I was I was
thrashed all week, man. Well, because I looked at her post and
she she's like, I'm so done with dating. I can't do this
anymore. And I'm like, you were triggered. And you had the she
had the opportunity to actually have somebody help her heal.
Her ex did some really terrible things. So like, there's a
reason she has trauma, right? Like, you know, but so here's
your guy here.
Boy, I get to I really feel like sharing all my fun stuff today.
So. So. All right. Because I'm here. I'm here to help you guys
win, right? Like, so when I started dating again, after my
19 year or 20 year relationship with my ex, I noticed a pattern
I took me a little while to notice, but I noticed the
pattern. I was projecting her on them. It was it was really I was
expecting them to be hurt, which was so like, they're like,
they're a different person. Right? Like, you know, like, but
so okay, how your subconscious works, it does pattern
recognition. It doesn't know this is David, this is Justin,
this is Chris, and Christopher, and Tim, your brain knows these
are the dudes, right? I think actually, because we're dudes,
it does disseminate but like, but when it comes to Merrill,
like romantic relationships, it has one filter. So literally, I
was having to say, this person is not my ex. And I'd have to
say that over and over again. And you have to say it verbally,
because your subconscious is rewired by hearing your own
voice. So if you ever find yourself looking at people, and
like, I keep dating the same woman, it may not be that you're
dating the same woman, it may be that your subconscious is
patterning, like is, is patterning them to be, because
there may be some similarities, but they're not the same woman,
right? And so I had to actually differentiate that the person I
was dating was not my ex. And then I actually was able to see
them for who they were. Yeah, so like, it's, it's, it's pattern
recognition. That's why you get triggered because your brain's
like, Oh, crap, like pattern, I see a pattern, there's danger
here. And you're gone, right? It's like, fight or flight go.
Well, I was actually disassociating, it was so bad,
right? And I'm like, and I, which actually helped me realize
like, why am I disassociating with this guy? Oh, because when
she did this, it was never safe for me with my, my, I had, I
have domestic violence in my marriage, right? Like, you
wouldn't think a five, three gal, it never hurt me physically,
like, I mean, she could hit me with everything she had. But
emotionally, it was crushing. Right? Like, you know, because I
would never hit a woman. And like to have her throwing,
throwing, throwing haymakers, and having to pin her down. So
she doesn't beat me up. Wasn't super fun. So like, my body is
like, hey, she's mad at me, she's gonna come at me. And this
is a whole different person. So anyways, I just share that
because I want you guys to win. And if you ever noticed like a
pattern that you keep seeing the same pattern in women, it just,
it may be that you're just attracting the same woman,
but it could very well be that your brain is like, this is the same person.
So, um, little trauma, trauma advice. Um,
everything's healable. Uh, you know, like neuroplasticity,
there's nothing that you go through that God can't heal.
You just need to put in the time. And, um, and so like with this gal,
I was hoping she would realize she was triggered because I
triggered her ex wound. Oh, and by the way, most people you meet,
God brings into your life.
So you deal with the stuff that you're not dealing with. He's like, Hey,
let's touch that little point. But, but then you get to hear what it was revealed
is to be healed. Right. So thank you, Chris. And is that helpful? You guys?
Um, I just try to, I don't like sharing my crap,
but I think that's pretty good. It might be helpful for some of you guys. Um,
so yeah, your, your subconscious is pretty predictive. Um,
and so like if you walk into a place and it's really, yeah, it's really good.
Like if you're walking down the street and there's people coming around and
you're seeing stuff, sometimes predictive is great because you're ready because,
Oh yeah. You know, I was walking through San Francisco and I'm like,
those dudes are no good. Right. And I'm like,
and I have my son with me and I was like, dang it. I was like,
I was like,
I hope they don't stir something up because I can only take two before they're
going to get it. They're going to get me. And, you know, um, and thankful.
And I was praying under my breath and thankfully they didn't want none,
but like it was, it was pretty, pretty crazy. Um, anyways,
so any other, any wins guys? Uh, I have something I want to talk about,
but I just want to make sure that you guys are taken care of and anything in
the heart work, anything that you are like looking at that you want to talk
about.
All right. So, okay. Oh, let me get my phone open. Um,
so one of the things, um, wanted to talk about tonight, sorry,
I got all these little screenshots. Um,
so here you guys in the middle of my divorce,
I hit two 52, which was dang,
that's heavy. Like I'm at two 28 right now. Right. And, um,
two 52, I stepped on the scale and I'm like,
I've never been this heavy in my whole life and all the stress eating,
all the stress, all the stress eating for all the court things and all the kid
things and all the, I ballooned. And I was just like, dude, this is crazy.
So then I decided like,
I'm going to get back to being me and like and love on myself and get my health
back. And now dude, I feel great. You know, I, you know,
the power of 90 days. Um, but I, Oh,
I got rear ended. So I wasn't working out because I was in pain, but I'm like,
you know what? I'm just going to push through it. I'm going to work through.
And now I can actually like rotate my shoulders. My traps are working mostly.
Well, but I share that like in 90 days, you guys, I've,
I mean, that was like six, eight months ago.
And now I'm actually back in my body that I'm used to. Oh,
I could see naughty. I could see either way. Right. You either like,
you either aren't hungry or you're like, uh,
I was trying to just calm my stomach. Right. Um,
that was why I was eating a lot is like,
and I didn't realize nuts had like stupid amounts of calories. And you know,
I was like getting the mixed nuts thinking they were healthy.
And I was going through like two buckets of those. All right. Yeah.
I was doing like two buckets of those a week.
I don't know how many calories are in one of those things,
but like the Costco thing, let me tell you,
I stepped on the scale and I was like,
let me tell you, I stepped on the scale. It was like,
I literally levitated because it was going, no, it was digital. But, um,
anyways, so, but, um, so what,
I share that because qualities that I have is, well, I mean, I, I, I,
I work out and I like, I like having a healthy body, right. I, you know, um,
it also looks great. You're like, shoot the guns and the chicks dig it too,
by the way, you know, like, I mean like, like, and so, but like to you guys,
90 days, right. What can you do? What are, what are some things that you can do?
Um, like I was looking at qualities, like qualities,
you know, I hate to say it, do it for women, dude, because it's such crap.
Like do it for you. But like, women will actually appreciate this. Right.
Does that make sense? I don't ever want to tell you guys, Hey, do this.
So you can get a woman like that's because you're so much more,
but it's live your life. Don't live his life for you.
And when the right woman, but like what, what women like honesty. I mean,
I know there's going to be a shocker, right? Like truth.
Every relationship has to be based on truth. Um,
so if you have issues with honesty, how do you,
can you be more honest in the next 90 days and work on that?
I actually have tried to stop cussing. I am so done.
I'm so done.
doing better-ish but like I get so frustrated sometimes like when when people share stories
about how some like the terrible things that happen to them I just I'm like oh and so I've
really worked on it so my next 90 days I'm going to not I will not be cussing in 90 days you guys
because I'm gonna because it's not it's not honoring the lord and I got in a bad habit
during the divorce that I got back into a habit so respect like how do you respect people do you
respect yourself see like dude if you don't respect yourself no woman's nobody else is
going to respect you so how are you doing with loving yourself and respecting yourself
and I struggle with that honestly right I think I'm better at respecting other people than I am me
I tolerate a lot more just I'm getting better at it but I tolerate a lot more disrespect than I
should compassion like maybe you're not compassionate that's a really important
characteristic in a spouse reliability like if you know you have a chance now uh yes that's so
true Justin yeah we're we're the ones that just are destroy us man I'm my own worst enemy like
it's it's it's consistent you know um relied on confidence and so I went and the confidence one
came so you guys so I mean all those are kind of standard procedure things but like confidence
so like David you're a brilliant dude right like and uh Mr. Henshaw um and like I just love how
you think and like stuff like that so like being able to rest in your best like if I were I would
like to give you guys homework right pick out your top three attributes or four attributes like the
things that you're actually good at right and like and then and and you're low you know and um
and really embrace and just be grateful for those and like um when I talk to you about hey find your
type like go on like the one of the points that Jackie does why do we go out on dates it's because
you're figuring out you're getting reps you're figuring out what you like you're getting more
confident yourself and like in in the whole process I mean dude it's still I still have
some really awkward times this weekend Friday night this girl came up and she's like you want
to ride up on me and I'm like what I was like what I don't know I I think I know what that is
it is absolutely not and she's like 28 and six two and fully just gorgeous and I'm like run Forrest
run but like like look it was it was crazy and there was probably 20 more and this is a crazy
event but but anyways but like my point is is get some reps even the awkward reps um like um with
Jess the gal who I was um in a relationship for a short time you know I got some reps and I learned
that even when it starts out like on fire I need to decelerate it
you know um there was a lot of things that were um I should have decelerated and I didn't
but then again it wasn't really it was mainly triggers so I think that no matter what we did
there was no getting around the trigger like in the in the point of her ex so but like when you
get into the relationship you see you'll start seeing people's triggers right you'll you'll
start getting more um familiar with asking people out you know one of the things that I try to do
and this may sound stupid or you guys can judge me all you want is I go and ask I go and ask out
the prettiest girl in the room and you know it's ironic you know what's crazy is most of the time
we hang out right is um and you know what you guys I just say like you've heard me say this
a million times you miss 100% of the shots you don't take right and like even if you went dude
even if you go down flaming right you ask the prettiest girl in the room out right now she's
18 and you're 50 like me that's not I'm like prettiest one that like I'm not asking 18 year
old I just want to just clarify you guys Jackie's gonna be like Mike Mike what do you say no but
like you know um Friday night gorgeous girl I didn't know she was 41.
They do leave their home well but okay so here here's here's another thing right
good Friday night my friend invited me to a help without be spiritual covering for an event
that was kind of wild kind of wild that's an understatement but anyways it was really wild
but I met a really cool gal we danced the whole night away it was a blast I was still chatting
with her she's not a believer I got invited I invited her to church like hey why don't you
come to church with me she's like what I was like I told her early on this is so like she's like
I was like hey I'm a basic
the pastor, a minister, she's like,
so are you sitting right now?
I was like, no, no, no, I'm not.
But like, so go do something, go to events, like get,
okay, Henry Cloud, and I think you need to go
with the Holy Spirit on this one, okay?
Like Henry Cloud talks about date,
I forget, it's some absurd amount of dates
a week or a month, right?
Is like go out, ask like 15 people out a week,
or I don't remember the exact numbers
because I'm like, I never did it.
Well, the problem with me is like when I ask non-women,
I have a lot of experiences where I ask a non-believer out
and they really want to be intimate.
And so I try to stray away from that
because I don't need temptation,
but like it is good reps just to get experience
walking into places and asking people out,
ask for a coffee, just say hello.
Like, if you're not good at asking for people's numbers,
just work on saying hello, right?
I just say, hey, can I get your Instagram?
I don't ask for numbers, maybe I should.
Like, but my whole point is you guys get the reps built.
The more reps you have, next time when you actually meet
somebody, you're like, hey, I really dig that chick.
I think she looks pretty cool.
Let's have a go, I want to go get to know her.
And you just say hi.
And like, dude, Eva, Eva,
Friday night, she walks in smoking, dude.
Like just absolutely smoking.
She's in a black dress, dress to kill.
And I'm like, hey, how you doing?
She's like, good.
We spent the whole night talking and dancing, right?
I just said, hey, what's going on?
You know, you're here, you're early to the event.
And so like, we just had fun.
There was no, it wasn't weird.
And so like, get some reps, ask,
if you're at a coffee shop,
say, hey, can I buy your coffee and have a combo?
Like use things that are in your realm.
And I don't, and I'm like, Justin,
I don't know where you're at.
I know you're in Arizona.
I mean, my grandparents, great grandparents
were in the Verde Valley, which is Cottonwood,
like an hour from Flagstaff.
But if you know there's a conference,
oh, okay, so yeah, yeah.
So you got a lot of stuff.
You got Mesa.
You got, anyways, I forget.
But like, if there's a conference there,
so I go to Bethel.
Every time I go to Bethel, I am looking
because I know there's people there
that are gonna be running in a similar direction as I am.
And I found one in the bookstore, right?
And we got into a relationship and then it didn't work out.
But like, but I got the reps, I got some practice.
I learned some things.
She gave me some feedback and she's like,
and so it was a positive experience.
Is that helpful for you guys?
Like, because I want, like confidence comes
from doing things and just walking in a room.
What kind of events?
Look up Christian conferences, right?
Like, or church, anything, any church
that's throwing a frickin' whatever, right?
It only takes, dude, it only takes one thing.
Like Jess, I was going into Bethel bookstore
to buy an anointing oil.
That's where I buy my anointing oil.
Don't ask me, I just do.
And I ran out, so I went in there
and I'm this frickin', she looked like she's 26.
I never would have asked her out, right?
I mean, and she's so beautiful.
Like, she's unbelievably beautiful.
And then her friend like literally shanghaies me
in the parking lot and says, do you wanna get married?
Are you looking to get married?
And so like, all I did was walk into a bookstore
and I interviewed, like, so if you're out there,
it can happen.
If you're sitting at home, unless there's some hot
like Amazon delivery chick, but what are the odds
of them being a Christian and like,
and then like, it'd be kind of awkward.
Like, hey, like, how do you start?
I don't know how to start that conversation.
You're quite the delivery.
I don't know.
Don't drink that, guys.
I'm sorry.
But like, but you guys had fun.
Just have, like, I don't know about you,
but I used, I stopped caring and just started being me
and I'm having fun.
Dude, this gal in the gym was flirting with me
and I'm like, so, like, you know?
I was like, you know, and we're probably gonna go out
on a date.
I mean, I don't know.
Like, she's 31 and I'm like, that's crazy.
I don't know about the age gap, but she's a cool gal.
We had some fun.
Like, you know, her form and working out sucks.
So I'm like, don't hurt yourself.
Do this.
Like, I just was being a dad.
Like, you know, being a coach, it's like, hey,
the way you're doing that, you're
going to trash your back.
Like, you're going to lock out and just do the extensions.
And if you're trying to work this, it's not working.
But like, just be you.
That's me.
Don't be me.
Be you.
David, you are a great guy.
I would love to just sit there and have a conversation
with you, right?
Like, so get in a conversation with ladies, dude.
You're great at conversation, right?
That's something.
And Justin, I just met you.
Chris, you're really good at, like, you're engaging, right?
And you're wise.
I like the weird, like, I don't like cookie cutter people.
I like the ones that are actually uniquely themselves,
right?
And Chris, you're uniquely yourself.
And be uniquely yourself.
David, be, like, all of you guys, be yourself.
Have fun.
Make it fun.
Like, you know, if you're like, oh my gosh,
I got to ask her out, and she's like a 22.
And like, oh my god, you're already lost.
But it's like, hey, you know what?
The most beautiful woman in the room rarely gets asked out.
I think the big thing the enemy has done in modern culture,
and especially if you're living out in California like I am,
is it's like, oh, women, don't talk to me.
You know, I'd rather have a bear approach me than a man.
You know, those kinds of things that kind of get in your head.
And I know that I'm guilty of believing
those kinds of things.
And it can be true, hon.
I know it is.
It's too often.
No, I don't want to discredit that.
I can go, oh, like, dude, like, I get smoked.
Like, I get on flames sometimes, you guys.
I'm not saying that every time I talk with somebody.
They're like, but quite often it is, right?
So yeah.
And I think that you get better at reading those situations.
But if you never put yourself in those situations
where you go up to someone like, um, no, please, no,
then it's getting over that discomfort.
It's not internalizing the, well, she rejected me.
But she would have rejected pretty much everybody
except her Prince Charming that would have walked up
that she had in her head.
She's got her own things going on.
And it's not me, necessarily.
Maybe I'm not her type.
Maybe it wouldn't have worked out.
But she didn't give me the time of day.
That's not necessarily reflection.
I'm like, I'm not creepy.
I'm not ugly.
I'm not horrifying.
It's OK.
I'm better at not internalizing that now.
But I was really bad at it years ago.
Yeah.
Well, and you guys, you know what's amazing?
I always say this about women.
I'm like, dude, none of them are in shape.
In my age range, it seems like everybody falls off
the freaking planet, right?
I asked a guy, I asked Ava, I was like,
so how old do you think I am?
She's like, what, 35?
I'm like, sweet, dude.
I was like, man, I'll be 51, right?
So guys, if you need help getting in shape, let me know.
I can help you guys, right?
Get higher protein.
But you'll feel better.
First of all, you'll feel better.
And you'll have more energy to actually go do things.
And you're not going to be self-conscious of, oh, damn,
I got a beer gut.
And even if you do own it, be comfortable on your skin.
But what can you do in your life
to maximize what you're good at?
David, I would work on, I mean, you
have the conversational skills.
Just get somebody in a conversation.
And things are real crazy.
And you're a brilliant guy.
Just get in a conversation.
And if they can't get in a conversation,
you're never going to want to be with them
because you actually need somebody who is intellectually
compatible, right?
But you won't know that unless you get in a conversation.
And Justin, you look like you're pretty studly.
Just own your stuff.
Dress.
Smell good.
You guys, cut your nails.
Dude, I sound stupid.
Dude, get your nose waxed.
Whatever.
Women, pay attention to the little details.
Show up as your best self.
Take care of you.
They notice that.
They notice if you don't.
They notice if you do, right?
Little things that show that you actually
have care in yourself.
Like the way you carry yourself.
The way you, like, find a cologne you like.
Find a thing you're sure sent.
And own it.
Find one you like.
Just don't make, like, OK, I'm sharing all the bad.
Like, I'm telling you what not to do, right?
So I'm sitting, and I had my favorite cologne.
And I'm at the, I think it was a Walgreens or a Rite Aid
or whatever.
And there's this, like, 18-year-old behind me.
Man, that guy smells like my dad.
Last time I ever wore that cologne.
I was like, don't do that, right?
But, like, find something.
Look up, like, you know.
But, like, smell good.
Look good feel good. Like if you are walking
Like you're you're confident in yourself that shows and when you walk up to somebody say hey
like cool most dude, I I could have like I could have struck up 50 conversations Friday night and
what and how to come and hang hung out with all these women because
It was really really
Disproportionate in how many women were there to man?
It was so bad like and they were all dressed up with nowhere to go. But like and there but like
Go places get out grocery stores guys. Like I can't tell you
Like how many conversations I get it at a grocery store
I don't know if women are looking for men in grocery stores or whatever
Maybe like it's like but like I've had great conversations at Costco
You know, I mean now I'm navigating the flirting conferting thing right now
I'm
Really not sure quite how to do that
Because I have two gals who like one of them are trying to get to church
And I was like, and you know, I'm gonna say hey, you know, I really want you in heaven with me
Because it's true, right, you know, but like be yourself be true. But what can you do 90 days?
I got I in 90 days got in shape and I've kept it up for a year now like a year now and
Now my biceps are coming back which were basic but like and my shoulders are so as
After 40 you lose what 3% of your muscle a year unless you do something to combat it
And then your butt like you're always we're always slouched forward. So then everything's out of position and it just hurts and you're miserable
I don't know about you but like that was my life
And so now that I'm actually in shape, I don't hurt as much
Other than when I do leg day, but like that's a whole nother that's that's that's but that's something like get on a diet like
like
diets when I say diet make one choice in your
In your habits that are healthy for you. And in 90 days, you may be a completely different person, right?
Communication like if you're if you if you struggle talking with people talk to everybody
you know, like
Is this making sense? I I I would love to say hey you
David here's your five. Here's your five fold thing do these five things and in 90 days
You're gonna be a the David you're gonna look back and go who is that dude?
I look back at pictures from a couple years ago. I'm like, who is that scrub?
Right. So is it I
Like the whole 90 day thing because that's exactly what I'm focusing on now that it's like already the third of this month
Yeah, so I got 90 days to really improve on some things but the biggest thing is I just want to be consistent in
Getting out there and at least doing
Bare minimum of some calisthenics and some cardio which would be like at one point. I was walking five miles every day
yeah, and
and but the thing is the thing that's gonna block me now is just
Some financial chaos because the car accident and because of not feeling the best
Yeah, all this weird stuff getting stirred up by going the chiropractor now three times a week because of the car accident
So, yeah, the so the 90-day thing that yeah, that's
Where I'm tracking a lot right now. So yeah
Pick one thing and here you guys if you go five days and you
Fall flat just get get back hit the reset button get back on
Right, like and David you're in your circumstances. I mean you didn't want to get hit, dude
I didn't want to get rear-ended and totally jack up my neck and spend the next while
Rehabbing right? It sucks. And I I want to validate that but like
You guys I don't do I I've dropped four inches on my waist. Okay, I've done no cardio
Weight training weight training weight training high-protein diet weight training weight burns more fat more fat
I mean more calories than fat and like
Abs don't even do abs because if you do and if you do a full body workout you work your core. I mean
So I just I hate being a gerbil so if you hate being a gerbil weight lift
right, I
Was I just hike I I don't I don't do that I cannot if Stairmaster maybe because I
Master is legit. Like that'll kick your butt dude. Like that'll build like I hate the Stairmaster, but that thing destroys me
but but like my point is
Okay, so I was going to the gym and I was on the bike for an hour and I was doing all this stuff and I
Was just miserable. I'm like dude, why would I ever want it? And so now I just go and I do a
45-minute workout before work and depending on my body's feeling I do it like what was today today was
Farmers carry which is like where you like carry two big things like buckets and cruise around look super awkward and their gym
It's awesome. Actually the chicks were like, hey, what's that? But I'm like, no anyways, but I think I do gym
Like there's there's trouble there though, bro. Like I don't know who's believers or not, but like join a gym
That well like or a group that like a hike like Christopher for you a hiking group like whatever
Whatever will be fun for you
Like but I just say weight training heavy build muscle like eat the protein to so you actually gain
Get the gains that you're looking for
To reverse muscle loss. That's really important and you'll drop fat
Significantly like I said, I dropped four inches on my waist
I had to buy new clothes because my freaking shorts around my ankles because there's
There's nothing left to hold them up, right? And so
Tim yeah, and so like and so Dan like you but I
The only reason why I'm gonna you will hear me hammer
Muscle right is because the number one key to longevity in life is muscle mass
Skeletal muscle mass. So if you're not building muscle by doing actually
Into some weight training of some sort. You're you're not
It's just not the best
But you know and like you don't have to get yoke
I'm actually I'm looking at putting another 30 pounds of muscle on because I know I'm 50 and right now
I'm building for when I'm 80
Does that make sense I'm looking with the future in mind
I'm building for when I'm 80 because right now I don't need all the muscle mass that I have but I'm gonna need it when
I'm 80 or when I'm 95 100 and
So I just the reason why I share that is it and I tell ladies the same thing
I mean, I watch them on the frickin I was like, dude
You just worked out with weights and now you're okay
If you're gonna work out heavy and build muscle do not do cardio on the same day
because you
Don't like I explained I'll just you need your body to
the cardio burns the gains that you have right and so
And I don't want to make this all about workout, but I I'm just the whole point is you guys do something get healthy
If you have a problem communicate like getting out there just say hi to all ladies like on the street
I guess you know they graduate to younger younger younger or get used to just talking to people
So where it's just a reflex not like oh my gosh, she's beautiful
Yeah
there's a lot of beautiful and there a lot of there's a lot of beautiful on the outside but not beautiful on the inside and
You'll find that in a conversation immediately and like Chris you're talking about
Yeah, some of them are like, you know, like some of them are terrible like they're man-eaters
I mean, I've been eaten I've been bit by several of them like I'm like, wow
Like and so you're like, oh, well, that's not gonna work. But you guys there's so many that are like, hey, how are you?
Cool and I'm like, wow, I mean she's like a 20 on a scale of 10 and we're having a conversation
And we're having fun. I'm like, oh
I will say I was a little bit spoiled by getting my new job that
You know because I dispatch and I talked to people on the phone for all day. It's
He's giving me a more confidence with communicating with people that has made the dating world a lot different
I don't think I fully realized how
Great that was
Even with Jess you guys I I got rusty and I I I'm lamenting that I
You know, I got excited and I was rusty had been a while since I'd actually
well, I was kind of shocked that it was going forward because usually
But like I talked to somebody and it goes like great great. And then I'm like, okay
There's like these pitfalls kids or being able to move relocate like, you know
like there's different little things that always
Have a tendency to spoil it Trump Donald Trump blew up one that I thought was amazing
She's like F. She's like F Trump and I'm like, oh, this is not I don't think this is gonna go super
well, because like, you know, and so and she ended up walking like like as soon as I said
I voted for Trump not super fan of him and I
Think he's the best biblical vote, but like some of the stuff he does drives me crazy
It's not but you know, I'm like it but like she's like check, please and I'm like, wow
We had this great connection and like I voted for Trump and you're done
Completely done. So so like, you know, like I can't I kept running it. So now like like like so, you know
I voted for Trump. I hope that's not an issue with you, but like, you know, like
Get it out. But you guys I at least learned
Like and I've got the reps and you know, so I found somebody who went through all the
things the gauntlet and didn't get triggered until then i reminded of her ex and that's
not a whole lot i can do with that because i'm not her ex but if she can't see me as her not her ex
but like yeah like i know that like i don't want to keep poking at things that aren't the the
funnest but um that person that fell through after like two weeks i mean are they even willing
to like be involved in a program like last year singles because if they're not even willing to be
doing that then that's why you probably have to walk away so she she'd done a ton of hard work
ton ton ton ton but here okay here again okay you guys um i just share all the i don't i hate being
the poster boy for like here here's how it blows up right like but so when you're in a relationship
with somebody and it's like let's say mid-level like you're just getting to know them right
there's not a lot of um stuff that'll boil up well if it does at that point then there may be
some heartwork issues that need to happen if you're just having normal conversations and
they're flipping out or like you know but this was one where we actually were in relationship
like like we agreed that we were going to go see how it was going forward so we were in
she was my girlfriend right like we agreed that that's what we were going to do and so um you
know jackie says that um what's what's broken in relationship needs to be healed in relationship i
think or something to that effect right so what happened was she was fine as long as we were
three-quarter level like like 90 of the way we had 90 conversations where we were like completely
compatible but that last where it really got real touched a point of her heart that couldn't be
accessed until how do i explain that like vulnerability right it was a level of vulnerability
that she doesn't experience all the time and when that came up it triggered her so as you get deeper
in relationships like as towards like looking at things things can come up well actually they will
come up but you have to have a like where you can the the whole point is like when they come up
you work through it and we have out the gate i was like hey anything that comes up i'd like to
work through it we had that out the gate literally and she didn't honor that but so to say that yes
she needed heartwork she'd done a ton of heartwork but she didn't i don't think she recognized that
what i was touching on was a wound see triggers are like if you trigger somebody it's not your
fault right like it's their job to handle their triggers you can be you can be helpful in that
you can help them with it you can help them show that but she bounced because she you know and
and i didn't want to dance and i um so it gave her the opportunity and i'm saying you guys are
going to have stuff come up where you're going to be like whoa time out triggered right it's not it's
the wrong person it's just that they've gotten so close that something in you is going uh-oh
and now you have a chance to work through it and process and do the hard work on why am i triggered
why am i wanting to bolt is this is this legitimate i mean could be completely legitimate
right like if there's something that's fully legitimate it's a red flag then run but if it's
a phantom in your head because of problems with your mom or a female some female in your life or
a spouse like it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship to screw up the focus of a woman
like a female focus in your life um it's usually what it is but like but my am i making sense
like as they get closer you're going to be more likely to have areas that you're not
that aren't really you normally accessible come up and be accessible so then you can get deeper
healing in that if you see him as that um if you see him as a dead red flag and i have to run
then you actually she actually lost in this she had a great opportunity to be like hey you know
mike i am so sorry i got when you said you were a seven and i just i i was projecting you to be
just like my ex i got some inner healing that i need to do i'm sorry i would have been hey you
know what i support that and i i i i'll help you in any way possible but i'm not that dude
and actually i am probably the solution that the lord's bring in your life because faithful
well that so you might need it like sevens are so fun guys but like man you just if you're like
if you're the kind of
I need somebody who's like a planner.
Like somebody who's really good with details and stuff.
Because that is not my strength.
But if you want to have a company or a coach,
that stuff, I can crush that stuff.
Complimentary opposites.
If you have two sevens, it would be a blast,
but nothing would ever get handled.
So having somebody who's your same type
really isn't, I mean, it's kind of probably
going to be boring for you.
Having somebody who's a complimentary opposite is better.
But my whole point was, you guys,
the whole point I wanted to bring up in this is
look at your strengths and own them.
If you have a place where you're not confident,
shore it up.
And like Christopher, I love, like you're talking,
hey, you know what, my job has actually really
helped me be able to talk to people.
Just go start talking to people.
If you're afraid to introduce yourself to women,
just go talk to people at the store.
Get used to interacting with that,
having that awkward thing, and then graduate.
Am I making sense to you all?
Like, I really want you to win.
I really want you to feel confident when you're
walking into things.
Hey, Mr. Hunter.
Sorry I'm late.
That's all right.
So we're just talking about, Hunter,
we're just talking about, hey, look at what things
you can do in your life already, like your strengths,
but also like what you can bring in.
Like, if you have the potential to where you can
get healthy and get jacked, do it.
Have fun.
Jiu-jitsu.
See, there you go.
I'm already going to compete in three weeks.
And of course, I already told some women at shirts
that they like it.
They even like the cauliflower.
I don't know if they even like the cauliflower.
That's why I haven't done jiu-jitsu, bro.
That's why.
The cauliflower here is the one reason why I haven't
done it, even though I wanted to so bad.
But even then, you guys, look, Hunter is like, hey,
I do jiu-jitsu.
And every lady is going to be like, what?
Interest point, talk point.
Like, find something to talk about.
Like, become interesting.
All right.
Another thing.
About my self-gratification, did I tell you?
I went 15 straight days in a row without any self-gratification.
It's the biggest struggle.
I was never able to do this in 15 hours.
Make it the rest of your life, dude.
Keep it up.
Way to go.
Hey, Hunter, five's up.
All right.
But so, you guys, you know, what are the qualities of things
that you can attach in your lives that are going to bring
your best self around?
Like, 90 days.
30 days.
One week.
I mean, if 90 days seems too long, do it for a week, right?
And then do it for two weeks.
Like, Hunter, you're stretching it out, right?
But just, hey, I'm going to, you know what?
I'm going to eat better.
You know what?
But you guys, do something that actually, I'm not ever going to tell you,
don't ever do a diet.
Do a lifestyle change that you eat better.
Diets are fads, and then you, like, you drop weight,
and then you gain it all back right after because you've done something
that you didn't want to do.
If you want to, if you want to, you don't like cardio,
do weight training.
Or do a walk.
Go to the Redwoods.
Do push-ups every morning.
But do something, right?
Do something different and maximize who you are.
Be yourself.
Like, David, I can't, like, dude, you're such a great dude,
and you're so brilliant.
Like, just start having conversations with people and work on just
having a fun conversation.
I love having conversations with people.
Like, you know, like I say, if you're afraid to ask women out,
just start talking to random people at your grocery store,
at the gas station, in the gym, at work.
Just start having convos.
And then when you get comfortable with that,
it's going to be less intimidating to walk up to a gal, right?
Realize, you know, like the gals on that group on Friday night,
they all were looking to be asked out.
There wasn't one of them that, like, and so, like, yeah,
you have some that are pompous and, like, that's what you, I mean,
dude, that's the great, you'll find that out right away.
You're like, okay, nope, didn't lose nothing there.
Like, I don't care how smoking she is.
Like, if she's putting smoking holes in you and, like, she doesn't,
she's not kind and beautiful on the inside.
I have met a lot of really ugly, beautiful women, if that makes sense.
Like, you know, their outsides were phenomenal,
and they were all dolled up, but their insides were ugly as sin.
And I've met some, like Eva, the gal I hung out with Friday night,
one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, like, outside and in.
She was just so cool.
And we jelled. We had fun. We had a good vibe.
Like, we danced.
I haven't danced in 20 years, and I dance for 6 hours.
I was sitting there, I told her I don't dance, and she's like,
yeah, yeah, right, you don't dance.
I'm like, I don't even know what I'm doing.
I didn't even know what I was doing, and I had a blast.
I had so much fun.
Go have fun and joy, because when you're having fun,
you have joy.
Be funny, and if they don't laugh at your jokes, who cares?
You laughed at yourself.
You don't need somebody else, but just go and have some fun.
Take some reps, take some swings, take some shots.
Man, you guys are all amazing.
And with Jess and I, there's some hard work things
that came up.
And as you go deeper in relationships,
deeper hard work things will come up, or can.
It's great, actually.
You want that stuff to come up, because you definitely
don't want to come up after you get married.
But it's much easier.
Modern dating sucks.
They go, Hunter, bring it on.
I joined a book club, figuring I could get a little help
before going on those apps.
Cool.
And like, yeah, and apps.
If you hate apps, just try one.
Just do something, right?
I mean, in 90 days, are you going to be?
I don't want any of you guys to be in the same place
you are now.
In a week, I don't want you to be in the same place.
And if you need help, you guys, we
have these calls, and I will do anything
I can to help you guys.
I even share all my crap that I don't even
want to talk about, because I think
it'll be helpful to you.
And so as you get deeper in relationships,
you're like, oh my gosh, this thing's coming up.
Man, this is not a good relationship.
No, it's actually a great relationship,
because it's bringing up stuff that you need to work on.
And you work through that.
If you guys can work through that, dude, you're great.
You're doing great.
You know, conflict or issues coming up
isn't a bad relationship.
Relationships where things don't come up
aren't usually great relationships,
because you're not.
Like a good relationship, you're going to trigger each other.
I mean, it just is.
It's just one of those things.
And can you work through the conflict?
Can you be testy and repair?
And that's a whole other side.
But communication, learn how to get confident.
If you're not confident asking a woman out,
just start talking to people.
And then ask a neighbor out on a date, on a, hey,
can we go get whatever you think would help you.
And don't, if you're in a season where your bandwidth is low,
just pick one thing to love yourself better.
Neighbor, yeah, right?
Like, dude, take a neighbor out.
Like, you guys, I've taken 70-year-old women out.
I've taken 20-year-old women out, 18, 15.
Like, oh, they're friends.
And so be the bar, right?
Dude, they would love it.
Like, go out and just have some fun.
Yes.
Right?
I had to say at work.
But like, Blake, like, your neighbors are all retired.
Like, I took, I have a lot of retired people in my life,
lady, like, and widowers, like widows, or widows.
Yeah, widowers are guys.
Sorry, I didn't get the right.
But like, I took her out for a break.
And don't take me out, thanks.
But like, you know, one of the things, I'm a dad, right?
You know, like, and so, and that Friday night,
I so wanted to put clothes on 300 women.
I was just like, come on, you guys.
You cannot come, you came out of the house in that?
I was like, there's more, anyways,
there's more material on a teabag
than there is in your dress.
So like, but like, it's like,
so I was in full dad mode,
and I was trying not to be dad mode.
Yeah, but, and I'm sorry, Christopher,
if I've, if I touched anything on that.
But I was like, my, like,
I talk about 70-year-old senior citizen
whose husband's passed away.
Like, okay, I was like, but took her out.
Like, one of the gals at church, she's like 22.
I knew she'd had some rough relationships.
And I'm like, hey, can we just go out and have fun?
And I told her, taught her what chivalry looked like.
This is what you should experience from a good dude.
And I reset her bar because she was chasing,
she was accepting far too low.
And you guys, gentlemen here,
my, I mean, I will help you guys,
but my ask for you is that everybody you date
is somebody else's future spouse.
And that it could be yours, it could be somebody else's,
but that you would lead with honor,
and you would lead them better off than they are.
And you, and like, so I do a lot of things
just to go have some fun, but also to show,
you know, it's amazing how many ladies
do not know how to wait for a door to be opened.
And so I'd be like.
She'd be like, what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like, it's okay. You've never been trained.
I'm like, I'm like, if you do it right there, I have to literally go through you to get
to the door. Can you just scooch to the side a little bit? And she's like, okay. I was
like, come up to the chair and pause. And she's like, really? Why? I was like, okay.
But like, but you guys, most women don't know what chivalry is. Teach them. Right. And so,
but like, whatever, if, if, if taking out a neighbor, taking out somebody, I took out
my niece, you know, I've taken out my niece. Um, and like, if that helps you, I, now I'm
not doing that because I'm just going, Hey, let's go get coffee. Right. You know, let's
go have some fun. So any questions, blasphemy, you know, any critiques, you can, you can,
you can laugh at my pain. That's fine too. But like, but I love y'all and I want y'all
to win, you know, I hope you understand that. Can I do the same practice this on coworkers?
You know, Hunter coworkers, because you're like, that's kind of complicated because you
guys are like always in proximity, like a neighbor. And, and, you know, um, you really
have to, I would prefer somebody not that you're working with because then there's also
the sexual harassment stuff that you don't ever, I know you would never intend that,
but some of that stuff gets, but it's, I mean, I've, I've seen some pretty insane things
in that, that were never, there was never any intent, but people don't always receive
you the way that you intend or, um, I mean, there's downright awful things, but then there's
ones where I've seen it both ways. Um, so I would, I would say coworkers are probably
I would even want to date coworkers because of that. Right. Because it can get you in
a lot of trouble with HR. Um, but you know, you guys are, you guys are amazing. I'm proud
of you doing the hard work. Hard work's a lifetime thing. Like, you know, I mean, and
Justin, you just got here, but like I do, I have done like all last week, I, what was
I doing? Hard work. Why? Because my heart was shattered guys. Right. I was like, dude,
what the heck? I thought this is good. The one that was going to go, I'm like, man, she,
I can't get out of her ex's shadow. And that's so disappointing. And so I cried a lot. I
mean, I was sitting at my, at work sobbing, dude, I'll just be real. I was like, I don't
care. Like judge me, you know? Uh, I guess it's okay if you, yeah, but lawsuits are not
super good and you really don't want to be, um, you don't want to be like, I blackballed
this. Uh, it's not, maybe that is the right term. Like, like if you have a HR thing or
sexual harassment, even if it wasn't intentional or it wasn't even real. Um, we don't have
those. We never have those happen at all. I mean, I, I did so much corporate training.
Maybe I'm a little overly like I did. I did. I went through so many seminars on don't,
don't even mention something as a, as leadership, you don't do this, this or this or that or
But, um, but like somebody, um, like I said, I took my niece out. That was a blast, dude.
And I taught her what a, what it looks like to, um, for a godly band to take out a girl,
uh, a daughter. Right. Um, and so, but be men of honor, be blessed here. Can I pray
for you? Can I pray us out? Cause I think we're over time and I'm, I'm sorry guys, I
overshot, but, um, if there's ever anything that you want to bring up, bring it up, but
Lord Jesus, I just pray every man on this call and everybody listens to this, that you
would show them, um, what they can add to their life to be their best selves. Lord,
would the next 90 days be revolutionary to everybody on this call? Lord, it's been revolutionary
in my life. And may I not be the same guy in 90 days, or may we all be growing in you
and to our, to who you've made us to be. Lord, I just pray that, um, each, each, the spirit
mates you have for each of these guys, that you would also be doing the work in them.
Lord, I just pray, um, any trigger points, Lord, that you'd be bringing those up before
they get into the relationship so they can be healed and the heart work get done. But
Lord, I just pray you would love what's around each one of these guys as a shield, that you
would encourage their heart. You do break off all hopelessness because hopelessness
is not from you. It's from the enemy and that, um, discouragement be gone in Jesus name.
We just speak joy, love, and strength to every one of them. I just bless you all with joy,
love, and strength. Walk in the fullness. Be the mighty men of valor that you are in
Jesus name. I pray. Amen. Go guys. Go get it.
I appreciate you.
Talk next week.
Bye.