WEBVTT

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Hi. I was behind the scenes there. I was actually getting a cup of tea real quick. I'm still

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getting over being sick. If you can continue, ladies, as we ask you all during prayer, if

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you all have joined that, be praying for Jackie and David and the team, all of our volunteers.

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A lot of us are getting hit pretty hard. Just a lot of spiritual warfare happening. And

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I've been sick now. I think I'm on day 14, and I'm probably going to have to go to the

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doctor because it's just not going away. So prayers for myself and the team. But if you

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haven't met me before, I'm Bethany Cooper. Welcome. Any of you joining for the first

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time tonight? If so, put that in the chat for us. We would love to welcome you. All

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of my other ladies joining again, welcome back. We're so glad to have you joining us

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again. I love seeing so many of you on screen already. Way to go on that. You guys don't

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know. Ladies, if you don't know, we do encourage you to come on screen as much as you can

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during the heartwork. It's more about showing up for yourself than it is about us. But I

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can tell you just from my experience as a coach doing this for over five years now, it

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brings a different level of connection when you can see me and I can see you as a coach

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and the other ladies as well. Because you know what? You all are like sister squad

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together. That's something we talk about in this community. Even though some of you came

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in at different times and you're going into different phases at different times, the

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fact that you're all here right now at this time tonight is appointed by the Lord for

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all of you. And so you might start to get to know some of your sisters now when you go

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into breakout sessions or seeing each other in the, you know, in the group when you're

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posting and you're going to learn about each other. And you guys can, if you want to

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choose to go into the other phases, you will find that you can track with your sisters

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there. Some of you might end up being bridesmaids in each other's weddings and all

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of the things. You all will meet Carla Johnson, who is one of our coaches in phase two.

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When she got married, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. And so that's just kind of some

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of the things that happened here around last year's single. That might be you. You might

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be the bride at some point, which we believe. And you might be inviting some of the

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sisters that you've met in this community on that journey as well. And so, you know,

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what we put into it is what we get out of it, ladies. OK, that's with the coursework.

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That's with, you know, connecting with people. Oh, Deborah. Oh, that's awesome. I love

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that. Carla's amazing. Betsy, welcome for your first time. Anyone else knew the first

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time? OK, awesome. I think that's everybody. But yeah, so just kind of lean into this as

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much as you can. OK, so glean as much as you can. Lean into it as much as you can. Cheer

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each other on. Remember that you don't ever have to put on your coaching, advising or

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counseling hats because you all are here to receive. Myself, Andrea Jezelnik and Kelly

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Stotler are the coaches in our HeartWork community. In this group that you're in right

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now, in this phase, you will see me throughout the program. So I do things in pretty much

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every phase of the community. And so just know we're praying for you. We believe for

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you. And so know that you can borrow from our faith, but also you have to at some point

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choose to partner with God for yourself. So that's super important. A couple really quick

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other housekeeping items. Best practices. We talked about it a little bit last week.

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If you were not here, totally OK. But one of the things is we recommend that you press

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pause on dating, trying to meet guys, romantically connecting with guys even in public when you're

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in the HeartWork phase. OK, a lot of reasons for it. But most people that end up dating

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someone when they're in the HeartWork, because this will happen, the enemy will send people

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to you and you will think, oh, my gosh, this is the guy I've been waiting for forever.

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Legit. Can't tell you how much this happens. And you know what happens typically? Very

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small percentage of people actually meet someone that they end up doing life with. Most of

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those people get sidetracked from their life, their HeartWork, end up getting caught in

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a relationship that ends up hurting them more. And so I love you enough to tell you

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on the front end, please don't do that. We can't police you. You're going to do whatever

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you choose to do. But I promise you, if you will listen to that guidance, it will serve

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you so well. Because if you if you lean into panic like, oh, my gosh.

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You know, I might lose this guy if I actually don't date him,

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instead of just saying, hey, you seem like a really nice person.

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I'm in a really important heart work healing journey,

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and I need to stay focused on that.

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You know, we can kind of circle back after that,

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but for now, I'm going to focus on this.

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If he's a really good guy, he's going to honor that.

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He's going to think that's awesome.

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If he's not, he's going to try to push boundaries,

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push boundaries, push boundaries,

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and that should be a flag to you.

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But also, we have to look at what's going on inside of us.

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If we lean into panic and fear of like,

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oh my gosh, I might lose this person,

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or what if this is the one?

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Y'all, there are multiple men

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that you could actually do life with.

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I know this is hard for a lot of people.

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This was really hard for me when I went through this.

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That would literally be a good match for you, for life, okay?

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There are plenty of men out there.

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You don't need to panic.

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Focus on your heart work.

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Stay in the lane that you're in.

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God brought you here for a purpose,

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and he wants to set you up for success.

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A lot of people that try to date

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when they're in the heart work

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pick through their counterfeit identities

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and end up not choosing well.

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So that's best practice number one.

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Number two is we recommend at least,

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like kind of in this framework,

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one week of content per week,

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and I shouldn't say at least,

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one week of content per week.

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For some of you, you're gonna go slower, and that's okay.

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For some of you, please don't go faster.

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We don't want you to go faster.

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We want one week of content per week.

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We want you to give yourself time to process,

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and I get this a lot.

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I get people that will be like,

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well, I've already done a lot of healing.

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This is the same stuff I've learned other.

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We literally have people tell us that.

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I don't believe that for a second, okay?

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People that are trying to fly through,

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y'all, here's another guardrail.

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I can't tell you how many of them have had to come back

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a year or two later to do the heartwork again, okay?

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So please hear me.

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This isn't to hold you back.

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This is to set you up for success, okay?

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So one week of content per week.

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If you go slower, that's totally fine.

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Now, if you are someone that's in the course

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and you're here for a really long time,

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some of my ladies know, it's okay if you are,

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but if I notice that you're in here

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for like one year or longer,

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I'm gonna be lovingly nudging you to get out of the nest,

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but to finish your heartwork before you do that.

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So we gotta get to the root

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of what causes us to get distracted.

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Are we afraid to move forward?

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Like what is causing us to not finish the heartwork well

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and move on?

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So we gotta look at all those things.

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Now, again, I circle back to the one caveat

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is some people have been through so much trauma

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that they do need extra time in here.

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And that is something that we are open to,

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but again, we're gonna lovingly nudge you to move forward

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because hurt in relationship healed in relationship.

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When you start interacting and trying to date,

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it's gonna bring additional things up for healing

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that are gonna be really important to your process.

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And some of you, it's even trying to make friends.

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Is that landing for anyone?

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Yeah.

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So many people have hard time hanging on

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to healthy relationships in general.

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So any way that you can practice that in this timeframe

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and not the dating, but the practicing making friends,

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interacting with women,

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if you have a hard time interacting with women,

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whatever that looks like for you

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that you would allow God to use this time

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to bring up as Jackie talked about on Supernatural Saturday,

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diffusing the triggers.

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What are the triggers?

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So for some of you, again, you're like,

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singleness is the way to go.

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Why?

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Because you live by yourself, most of you,

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and it is easier in our minds,

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but wait until we meet someone and then have to interact.

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It's a whole different story.

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So last one, take extra time to rest during the heartwork.

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It's really important, ladies, okay?

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So you might feel tired.

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You might need extra rest, drink a lot of water,

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eat healthy food, really fuel your body.

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It's super important to even get out and do a walk,

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get the movement and the toxins out of your body,

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because when we do heartwork, here's what happens.

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Toxins get released into our system

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from the trauma that's been stored up.

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So I highly recommend, again, lots and lots of water,

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extra rest, detox tea can be your friend as well.

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And so I don't really ever talk specifics

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on what kind or anything,

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but I'm just saying that's something

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that I found to be really helpful.

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All right, let me pray for us.

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Father, thank you so much for this night.

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We thank you for everything that you're doing.

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God, I thank you for every page that's been read,

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every video that's been watched.

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I pray that you would just bring supernatural revelation

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and breakthrough a little bit more.

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or tonight, help us to hear what your Spirit is saying.

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Lord, help us not to get ahead of you.

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Help us to not be behind you.

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Help us to walk right in step with you.

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We thank you, Jesus and God the Father,

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that you sent the Holy Spirit to be our comforter,

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our counselor, our guide.

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And I thank you, Holy Spirit, for being here tonight,

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that you're walking with us even now,

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that you're gonna help me to hear

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what you want me to say as the coach

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and that you'll help them to hear what your Spirit is saying

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to bring the revealings for healing,

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that you would bring those things

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out of darkness into the light.

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God, we ask for dots to be connected in the spirit realm,

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that thoughts and memories would start to surface,

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even as I'm praying now, God,

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that things would start to come together,

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that they would have revelation and insight from heaven

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as they are here tonight,

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as they're working on their heartwork.

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God, that you would just fill up their hope tanks.

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Where the hope has been deferred,

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God, we ask you to breathe fresh hope into them.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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So I sound out of breath, I feel like,

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even as I'm trying to pray, so I apologize for that.

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It's like I'm trying to run a race

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while I'm coaching here a little bit tonight,

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but it's just because of, I think, all the congestion.

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So I apologize if that sounds a little funny on your end.

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All right, so tonight I'm super excited

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to walk through the revealing for healing cycle

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with you all.

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Yeah, Danielle says she's been feeling tired.

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And Linda says, that's what's been going on with me, yes.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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And so as we're talking about

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the revealing for healing cycle,

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this is, I'm gonna bring it up on the screen for you all

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in just a minute here,

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but I wanna see you just for a second.

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So what we believe,

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when we lead you all through the heartwork,

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we don't believe this is just a phase of your life

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to walk away from and just be done with, okay?

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What we're giving you are actual signs

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and what we're giving you are actual tools

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for your tool belt.

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If you desire to use them that way,

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they will serve you for a really long time.

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So when you go through stuff

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and you might not know how to process it,

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this revealing for healing cycle is one of those tools

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that's gonna serve you, okay?

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On that note, let me bring this up on the screen.

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And if you guys have questions, you can put them in the chat.

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When I'm screen sharing, I can't see them as easily,

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but when I come, when I stop screen share,

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can you all see that?

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Okay, cool.

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Then I can come back and answer those, all right?

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Let me just make this a little smaller there.

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Okay, so typically we encourage everyone

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to kind of start in the negative emotions area.

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And so that's where I'm gonna start tonight.

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But what I want you to hear

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is that not everybody knows what the negative emotion is.

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You might know what the trauma story is.

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You might know what the lie is that you're believing.

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And so no matter what is going on inside of you,

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this can help you know, okay, do I need to work forward?

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Do I need to work backwards

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to unpack this a little bit more?

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So for example, I'm gonna start in the negative emotions.

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That's the pink circle there.

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I'm gonna give you some examples from my own life.

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Again, you're gonna be asking the Lord

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to reveal things to you about your life.

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But I hope that this will help you learn

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how to unpack this a little bit more.

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One of the biggest questions I get

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is what's the difference between painful memory

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and a trauma story?

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And so I'm gonna answer that

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from my perspective for you tonight as well.

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So the negative emotion for me was fear, okay?

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I battled a lot of fear as a kid, as a young adult,

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like massive, running from the dark,

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I'm afraid people were looking in the windows,

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like all kinds of stuff.

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But more specifically, the one I'm gonna address tonight

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is fear around men, okay?

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So it wasn't just fear,

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I'm gonna even dial in a little bit more,

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it's fear around men.

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Then I move on to the painful memory.

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And for me, from my perspective,

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the painful memory is kinda like an overarching memory, okay?

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It's more of the general memory.

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So I wrote abused by men.

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So again, there's that generality to it, okay?

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But the trauma story are the little stories

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or the other stories that kind of, you know,

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if you will, streak off of that generalized memory.

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Does that make sense, everyone?

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Is everyone tracking with me?

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Okay, I'm just making sure.

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All right, so for example,

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I feel like God has led me to, in my trauma stories,

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get more specific where the painful memory, again,

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is the main thing that those are all connected to.

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So my painful memory was abused by men.

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Here are some of my trauma stories

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that are connected.

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directly to that. I was sexually abused by my brothers and my sister, emotional, mental

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and spiritual abuse by my ex-husband. I was in high school. I have a couple other memories

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that all kind of relate back to this stuff. In high school, well, no, I'm sorry, this

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was elementary school, my sister and I went to this house with my mom, friends of hers,

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I think, but I don't know how well she knew them. I felt like we were there for a home

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interiors party. And all the kids were sent upstairs to play, which, you know, cool, that's

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a normal thing. But there was this one boy there that was kind of aggressive towards

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the girls. And this boy, I remember, and some of this is so faint, you all I've had to piece

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this together for years. Okay, so back in the day, I didn't remember this whole thing

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together. And that might be the case for some of you. And I really want to encourage you

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to extend a lot of grace towards yourself, because this is where it's really important

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for you to not dig. Revealing for healing means we're asking the Lord, and we're allowing

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him to reveal it in the timing that is good for us, which is him revealing it to us. Okay.

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But he literally like got all the other kids out. And then he put a dresser in front of

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the door to try to lock me in this room with him. Thankfully, my sister was really strong.

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And she like plowed the door down you all. And I got out of there. And I remember we

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ran down the stairs. And I don't have a clue what happened after that. I do vaguely remember

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telling my mom something, but that's it. That's all I remember. Then in high school,

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I'm at this party with my friends, and we're all hanging out. And people were playing truth

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or dare. And, you know, of course, even when I didn't want to see this as a thing, I did

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things I didn't even want to do because I was trying to fit in as a kid. And because

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I had all this trauma, I already felt like I was an outsider internally, even though

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people didn't even know a lot of it. And so my friend, we were I thought she was going

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to the bathroom with me, like not in a weird way you all but like to hang out, we were

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playing this game. We were talking and we were going to the bathroom and then she shoved

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this ball down my shirt and pushed me in the bathroom. And the next thing I knew is one

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of the boys we went to high school with came in the bathroom. Well, he was given the dare

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to get the ball. Okay. I freak out. Totally triggered. He was an he was actually kind

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of a nice boy, but I was totally triggered. I did not want him getting in my shirt the

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whole nine yards y'all. So I'm like panicking and I'm like pulling on the door to get out.

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And my friends on the other side, thinking it's funny, holding the door closed. Very

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traumatic experience for me. Okay. So the reason I tell you things these things isn't

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I don't deal with the trauma of these anymore. These do not hurt me anymore. But these are

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all again, just some I have a lot more you all but these are just some of the stories

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that connect to the main painful memory abused by men. Okay, then I go on to so I've already

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walked you through my negative emotions, my painful memory, the trauma stories now and

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that lies believed are revealed. So some of the lies that I believed as a result of these

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things happening is all men are abusive. All men are abusive. It didn't even matter.

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My grandfather was a really good man. But it turned into all men are abusive. And number

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two lies I need to be afraid of men. Those were two big lies that I've had to work through

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over the years. And so what we encourage you to do is when the lies are revealed, that's

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where we lean into the Lord for healing. And one of the ways that you guys can work

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through this, this is why we have this on here. A lot of people will work through healing,

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but they'll stop at the lies revealed. But they don't go all the way through to the okay

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God revealing the truth. So some of the truths that God revealed to me are this. You don't

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have to fear or be afraid. Isaiah 4110. So do not fear for I am with you do not be dismayed

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for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you and I will uphold you with my

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righteous right hand. A lot of people will at this moment, I'm going to stop screen share

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kind of struggle with the okay, well, then why did God not protect me? Okay, if God is

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good, y'all I wrestled with that years ago as well. Here's the reality God is good. He

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is so good that he gives everyone free choice, free will to choose.

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And he will not override that because of his goodness.

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Unfortunately, people choose to do bad things.

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That's, that's, that's literally the reality of the situation,

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okay. And so if we will really lean into that, and stop blaming

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God for everything that has happened to us, we will be able

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to heal and move forward. And a lot of people, if you're still

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struggling with us totally have a lot of grace for you, because

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I know it's hard. I know it is. But I will tell you that when I

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really leaned into that, and started saying, Okay, God, show

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me how you were there protecting me. And I started asking him to

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show me those things. Show me where Jesus was at in this

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situation when this happened. And Jesus starts revealing

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himself in those hard moments. Y'all literally Jesus revealed

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himself to me. And one of the memories I have of my oldest

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brother sexually abusing me. And it set me free. So I

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believe God wants to show you those things as well. But we

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have to ask him these good questions. And he will help you

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he will comfort you. He's not mad at you because you've been

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mad at him. You know, whatever that looks like or sounds like

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for you. I just want you to know I've processed all of those

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things. I was mad at God and I blamed him for years. But then

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when I healed and I learned the truth, the truth is what sets

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us free. Okay, lie or the truth number two that was revealed to

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me as I can trust God to protect me. Psalm 121, seven through

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eight, the Lord will keep you from all harm, he will watch

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over your life, the Lord will watch over your coming and

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going both now and forevermore. And again, in those moments,

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unfortunately, man chose to do some things that were really

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unhealthy and destructive. But God has literally been working

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behind the scenes to piece my life back together, heal me,

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restore me rebuild things to bring restitution where the

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enemy the locust has eaten and the moth has destroyed. I mean,

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I literally feel like I live a totally and completely different

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life y'all. Is my life perfect and easy? No, I'm in ministry

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y'all. There's warfare all the time. But you know what God is

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good, even when the the people that the enemy is using to rise

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up against us are making really unhealthy choices, even as

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adults, we go through betrayal, right? We go through hard

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things. But now as an adult, when I go through hard things,

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praise the Lord that I have the truth. Because when I get

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triggered, and I recognize Oh, wait a minute, the enemy is

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trying to get me to believe that God has abandoned us. I can catch

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that stuff so much quicker now. And so when the Bible talks

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about taking every thought captive, and making an obedient

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to Jesus Christ, for years, I've added in help me Lord to

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take every thought captive quickly. Lord, as soon as it

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comes, help me not even to think on those things that are not

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true, and cast those things down and make them obedient to Jesus

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Christ. And so really important to be thinking about these

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things praying about them. And yeah, sometimes that can happen

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Deborah, are you saying because you're leaning into healing and

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that's happening? You can put that in the chat for me. But one

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of the things to remember is our heart is a womb, okay, WOMB. So

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everything that goes in is going to get reproduced. So we can

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either allow good stuff in there to produce good things, or we

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can allow bad stuff to stay in there. And then it produces not

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good stuff. So what are we allowing to get planted into our

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hearts? What lies are down in there in our subconscious from

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the past from wounds and things that we've been through, that the

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Lord wants to use this revealing for healing cycle, the heartwork

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journey, and in everything y'all are processing, so that you can

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literally be in a supernatural way catapulted forward into the

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fullness of who God originally created you to be. Because y'all

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he's waiting with you. He's gone before you see, this is the cool

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thing about God. He's omnipresent. So he's he

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literally can be everywhere. He's gone before you. He's

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behind you. And he's walking right with you. He will not fail

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you. If you believe he's failed you in the past. As soon as I

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said that you'll be like, yeah, well, he's failed me before. No

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shame in that that was your thought. I'm saying it because I

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heard it in the spirit. So the Lord doesn't want you to stay

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there if that's you. If you believe the lie that God failed

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you before, I really want to encourage you to ask the Lord to

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reveal the first time you partnered with that lie. And as

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he reveals, you know, whatever memories start to percolate, I

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always encourage you all to

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Like pull the thread.

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If there's something that you don't even know

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why it's coming up, you're thinking,

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I don't even think I was upset about this thing.

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Don't dismiss that stuff.

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There's a reason it's coming up

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because it might be linked to another memory

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that's about to surface.

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So ask God really good questions.

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Lord, why is this memory coming up?

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What are you trying to show me?

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Is there anything you want me to know about this?

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What lies do I believe as a result of it if it's trauma?

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Okay?

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The one thing that comes to mind,

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and I feel led to share this.

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So I don't even know how long ago it's been now,

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but one of the ladies that has gone through the program,

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one of the memories that came up for her

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was she was on the playground playing.

439
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And I can't remember if it was that

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kids never would play with her on the playground

441
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or if she was gonna go down the slide

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and people cut her off.

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I can't remember exactly,

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but I just remember it was kind of revolved

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around this playground stuff incident.

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And she didn't understand why it was coming up.

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And so I just encouraged her.

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There were a couple of questions the Lord led me to ask her.

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Y'all, as she prayed into it,

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it led all the way back to, at one point they moved

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and she lost friends and went through abandonment issues,

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but then it also led to some stuff with her uncle.

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If she, you know, I believe God would have still revealed

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that to her in another way at some point,

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but it started with this playground memory.

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And so that's why I'm saying to you,

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it's important even if you don't understand it,

458
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even if you think it's simple,

459
00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:41.960
don't dismiss anything in this season, okay?

460
00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:44.680
And then we're hopefully gonna be able to teach you also

461
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:47.120
to discern between, is this God?

462
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Is this like God's voice, my voice,

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or the voice of the enemy?

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So by the time you leave HeartWork,

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I hope that you've kind of honed in on that a little more,

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at least grown in that even more.

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And some of you, you might feel like,

468
00:26:58.080 --> 00:27:01.120
man, I'm strong in that now, but I promise you,

469
00:27:01.120 --> 00:27:03.760
if you will ask for more of that, more wisdom,

470
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you know, Solomon asked out of all the things

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he could have asked for, he asked for wisdom.

472
00:27:08.600 --> 00:27:12.500
And so for me, I ask for wisdom and discernment all the time

473
00:27:12.500 --> 00:27:14.800
because I feel like I can always grow in those things.

474
00:27:14.800 --> 00:27:17.560
And so I wanna encourage y'all to pray the same thing

475
00:27:17.560 --> 00:27:19.960
and to really lean into what the Holy Spirit

476
00:27:19.960 --> 00:27:21.460
is revealing to you.

477
00:27:22.620 --> 00:27:25.000
And somebody came in the group, I think last week,

478
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:27.220
and I don't remember if it was this group.

479
00:27:27.220 --> 00:27:29.160
Again, I serve in multiple groups,

480
00:27:29.160 --> 00:27:33.800
but I was like, hey, that I don't think is from the Lord.

481
00:27:33.800 --> 00:27:35.240
I think that was from the enemy.

482
00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:37.140
And just trying to help them discern those things.

483
00:27:37.140 --> 00:27:40.720
And so we will help you do that if you need help with that.

484
00:27:40.720 --> 00:27:42.980
So think about what is currently being planted

485
00:27:42.980 --> 00:27:43.820
in your heart.

486
00:27:43.820 --> 00:27:46.200
Again, what are the lies that tend to surface

487
00:27:46.200 --> 00:27:47.960
when you go through hard things?

488
00:27:47.960 --> 00:27:50.280
Anything, it could be something small

489
00:27:50.280 --> 00:27:51.560
that just triggers you,

490
00:27:51.560 --> 00:27:54.420
like somebody cuts you off in traffic.

491
00:27:54.860 --> 00:27:56.460
Somebody's mean to you in the store.

492
00:27:56.460 --> 00:27:59.500
Somebody bumps into you and they don't even apologize.

493
00:27:59.500 --> 00:28:03.300
And just whatever kind of happens in life

494
00:28:03.300 --> 00:28:06.460
that is triggering things in you.

495
00:28:06.460 --> 00:28:08.260
I'm not saying you shouldn't be,

496
00:28:10.060 --> 00:28:12.080
I'm not saying it's wrong for us to be frustrated

497
00:28:12.080 --> 00:28:14.340
if somebody literally runs into us and doesn't apologize.

498
00:28:14.340 --> 00:28:16.900
We all, I think, feel bad in our humanness.

499
00:28:16.900 --> 00:28:18.220
But what I am saying,

500
00:28:18.220 --> 00:28:22.240
what are the lies that surface when these things happen?

501
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:27.120
That we believe about ourselves or other people or God.

502
00:28:27.120 --> 00:28:29.280
Okay, so really be paying attention.

503
00:28:29.280 --> 00:28:31.880
What type of fruit is getting produced from your life,

504
00:28:31.880 --> 00:28:33.440
from your heart?

505
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:35.800
Are you bitter a lot?

506
00:28:35.800 --> 00:28:37.720
Are you offended easily?

507
00:28:37.720 --> 00:28:41.240
Do you get really angry, very short fuse?

508
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:43.160
Do you withdraw and isolate?

509
00:28:43.160 --> 00:28:44.920
Do you go into self-pity?

510
00:28:46.260 --> 00:28:48.160
Maybe you're a really happy person too,

511
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:50.200
but then you get really depressed.

512
00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:51.680
You know, what are those things

513
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:54.280
that are getting produced out of your heart in life?

514
00:28:54.280 --> 00:28:56.360
So God's standard of good is very different

515
00:28:56.360 --> 00:28:57.600
than our standard of good.

516
00:28:57.600 --> 00:29:00.620
And this is, Jackie talks about this in the heart work book.

517
00:29:00.620 --> 00:29:02.840
I'm just gonna read real quick

518
00:29:02.840 --> 00:29:05.640
something that she says on that note.

519
00:29:05.640 --> 00:29:07.560
She said, God uses the word good.

520
00:29:07.560 --> 00:29:09.700
He isn't talking about our human standard of good.

521
00:29:09.700 --> 00:29:12.120
He's referring to his standard of good.

522
00:29:12.120 --> 00:29:15.480
So maybe you do have a little something working out,

523
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:18.160
but is it God's version of good yet?

524
00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:21.040
Probably not, and that's why you're here.

525
00:29:21.040 --> 00:29:22.340
We want more.

526
00:29:22.340 --> 00:29:25.540
Most of us have a tendency to live in crisis mode,

527
00:29:25.540 --> 00:29:29.640
only focusing on the areas that are a complete train wreck

528
00:29:29.640 --> 00:29:33.000
and not realizing there's an upgrade available

529
00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:36.640
in every area of your life.

530
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:41.080
If we are willing to be shown what we cannot see yet.

531
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.520
Do you want an upgrade in every area of your life?

532
00:29:45.520 --> 00:29:47.360
Because God wants to give it to you.

533
00:29:48.840 --> 00:29:52.780
So remember, the spirit made is the cherry on top.

534
00:29:52.780 --> 00:29:55.160
Go for the upgrade in every area.

535
00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:56.580
You will not regret it.

536
00:29:56.580 --> 00:29:59.000
Praying and asking God to give that to you

537
00:29:59.000 --> 00:30:00.040
and to help you.

538
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.280
understand what is holding you back. Even recently, just

539
00:30:04.280 --> 00:30:06.800
processing some things with Jackie, I think I told you guys

540
00:30:06.800 --> 00:30:10.880
last week on my book and kind of just what is holding me back and

541
00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:14.200
things and self sabotage behaviors that are happening

542
00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:18.040
getting sick repeatedly, you know, whatever. And she said to

543
00:30:18.040 --> 00:30:21.880
me, Do your fingers still work when you're sick on the couch?

544
00:30:22.280 --> 00:30:28.680
And I was like, Oh, no. Yes, they do. Now, I don't think it's

545
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:32.480
clear. And I'm not as creative. But here's the thing, she was

546
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:37.600
trying to get me to just work on 10 minutes a day, writing

547
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:41.440
doesn't even have to be amazing. Just right. She said, Bethany,

548
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:45.040
just right. And so for whoever that's for, sometimes we are

549
00:30:45.040 --> 00:30:48.880
saying we can't do things for different reasons. But really,

550
00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:53.080
it's the enemy holding us back. And we're allowing him to

551
00:30:53.080 --> 00:30:55.880
because of something we actually believe internally.

552
00:30:58.280 --> 00:31:02.640
Okay, so what are you believing internally that is not true and

553
00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:05.520
does not align with what heaven has to say about you and your

554
00:31:05.520 --> 00:31:12.360
life. Your problem areas that you're facing and have faced in

555
00:31:12.360 --> 00:31:15.720
your life are the places that you tend to have the most

556
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:20.120
unhealed wounds. So if you tend to go around the same mountain

557
00:31:20.120 --> 00:31:23.400
over and over, if you will, or like me in the past, I kept

558
00:31:23.400 --> 00:31:27.080
choosing really unhealthy men, takers, takers, takers and

559
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:31.720
friends, narcissists, people that operated in narcissistic

560
00:31:31.720 --> 00:31:35.720
tendencies and sociopathic things. Like I attracted men and

561
00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:39.840
women like that. Part of the reason is because my mom and dad

562
00:31:39.840 --> 00:31:44.400
were both like that. Now, one of the things that we do in this

563
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:47.880
community is we really encourage you to not and I caught myself

564
00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:52.960
there almost did it to not label people. Okay. So for

565
00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:57.200
example, I don't label my spiritual daughter's dad is a

566
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:02.960
cheater, even though he did cheat on me and betrayed me. I

567
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:08.040
don't label him as a narcissist or sociopath. I say he operates

568
00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:13.160
in narcissistic tendencies and sociopathic ways. There's a

569
00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:17.040
difference you all I don't want people to label me or my

570
00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:20.360
identity by my failures. And I don't want to be a part of doing

571
00:32:20.360 --> 00:32:23.920
that to other people. But you know what, before I came into

572
00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:28.520
this healing community, even even when I didn't mean to, I

573
00:32:28.520 --> 00:32:32.600
was still doing that. Like my dad was a liar and a cheater.

574
00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:40.280
And I I said it in my mind a lot about my dad. And so really be

575
00:32:40.280 --> 00:32:44.280
willing to be 100% honest with yourself and with the Lord,

576
00:32:44.600 --> 00:32:49.440
because he wants to lead you out of the prison where you've been

577
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:52.960
staying. And maybe even again, maybe it's just a subconscious

578
00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:56.080
thing that you have not been aware of. But the prison gates

579
00:32:56.080 --> 00:32:59.960
are open. They're not closed, because he's already opened

580
00:32:59.960 --> 00:33:04.000
them. But the way that we think and live and move and have our

581
00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:07.720
being. Sometimes it's not in him. Sometimes it's us in the

582
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:11.560
prison, believe in all the lies and the garbage and kind of like

583
00:33:11.560 --> 00:33:15.040
the prodigal son, you know, when he was with the pigs, and he

584
00:33:15.040 --> 00:33:18.480
believed that he just would have to eat like the pigs. Well, that

585
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:23.320
was because he had made mistakes. He squandered what was

586
00:33:23.320 --> 00:33:27.280
given to him. And because of that, he believed that that's

587
00:33:27.280 --> 00:33:32.360
what he deserved. Until one day he got a revelation that even

588
00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:36.240
the slaves lived better than that in his father's house. And

589
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:42.800
so he heads home to what happens, ladies. The father sees

590
00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:48.480
him afar off and runs to him. But you know what else he does?

591
00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:52.520
He brings a robe and a ring, a signet ring. If y'all don't know

592
00:33:52.520 --> 00:33:58.640
back in that time, the signet ring, huge. Fathers never ran to

593
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:03.360
their sons like that. This is a divine demonstration of Father

594
00:34:03.360 --> 00:34:06.720
God's love towards us, no matter what we've done in the

595
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:10.159
past, no matter how many mistakes we've made. That is his

596
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:15.080
heart towards us. He is saying to you, you are my daughter, you

597
00:34:15.080 --> 00:34:19.320
are my beloved, I love you, and I will robe you and I will put

598
00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:24.719
the ring on you. And I call you mine. He loves us

599
00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:34.360
unconditionally, ladies. Without condition. So I want you

600
00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:38.320
to think about this. Proverbs 23.7 in the Amplified Version

601
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:44.280
says, for as a person thinks in his heart, so is he. So what are

602
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.400
you thinking in your heart about yourself? About your future?

603
00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:53.080
What are you thinking about your past mistakes? What is the

604
00:34:53.080 --> 00:34:57.080
viewpoint you have of yourself? Or even other people in the past

605
00:34:57.080 --> 00:34:59.640
mistakes they've, you know, done against you?

606
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:09.680
Y'all, I've been able to love, genuinely, my best friend's son who abused his little

607
00:35:09.680 --> 00:35:10.680
cousin.

608
00:35:10.680 --> 00:35:12.960
Sorry, my best friend's nephew.

609
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:15.680
Sorry, that was confusing.

610
00:35:15.680 --> 00:35:19.920
And I was like his advocate.

611
00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:24.200
I never thought of him as like my brothers.

612
00:35:24.200 --> 00:35:28.800
Even though, now again, I think sometimes what the enemy loves to do too is people will

613
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:31.120
like downplay the abuse that happened to them.

614
00:35:31.120 --> 00:35:34.680
They'll be like, well, it wasn't as bad as what this person went through.

615
00:35:34.680 --> 00:35:40.040
And so the enemy tries to get them to kind of like water it down like it didn't matter

616
00:35:40.040 --> 00:35:41.960
or something.

617
00:35:41.960 --> 00:35:43.280
Please don't do that, okay?

618
00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:48.520
What you've been through, or even if it was something you did to someone else, God wants

619
00:35:48.520 --> 00:35:51.000
to heal you from that stuff.

620
00:35:51.000 --> 00:35:53.440
It matters.

621
00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:55.040
And so he's calling out to you.

622
00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:59.480
He calls onto deep and he's saying, I want to set you free from all of that.

623
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:05.080
Whether you were the victim or you were the perpetrator, ladies, truly come in and confess

624
00:36:05.080 --> 00:36:06.080
this stuff.

625
00:36:06.080 --> 00:36:07.080
Do not hide this.

626
00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:13.440
Do not leave this program, this course in the program with stuff that you just still

627
00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:15.360
have hiding down underneath the surface.

628
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:17.840
This is your time.

629
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:20.040
This is your time.

630
00:36:20.040 --> 00:36:21.960
And we're going to love you through it.

631
00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:23.040
We're not going to judge you.

632
00:36:23.040 --> 00:36:24.040
I promise you.

633
00:36:24.040 --> 00:36:30.160
You're going to be met with love and grace, and I pray and hope that God heals you and

634
00:36:30.160 --> 00:36:34.760
delivers you in ways that you cannot even think or imagine was possible.

635
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:38.680
All right, flies, lies, and counterfeit.

636
00:36:38.680 --> 00:36:46.480
I cannot even say it, you all, flies, lies, and counterfeit lives.

637
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:47.560
That is a tongue twister.

638
00:36:47.560 --> 00:36:49.320
Try saying that three times fast.

639
00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:53.400
All right, so I'm not going to go too far into this because you all can watch the content

640
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:54.440
on this.

641
00:36:54.440 --> 00:37:01.040
But what I want to talk about in regards to that, we call them squatters.

642
00:37:01.040 --> 00:37:04.840
We all have squatters that try to take up residence in our hearts.

643
00:37:04.840 --> 00:37:10.080
If you don't know what squatters are, has anybody ever heard of squatters?

644
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:11.600
Some people have, some people haven't.

645
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:17.800
All right, they tend to try to occupy a house or a location that does not belong to them.

646
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:23.840
And in some states in the winter, if the people come home and find squatters in their home,

647
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:28.600
they literally can't kick them out because they're protected.

648
00:37:28.600 --> 00:37:29.600
It's crazy.

649
00:37:29.600 --> 00:37:34.840
Anyways, point is that the enemy, when he plants these lies in our spirit, it's just

650
00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:37.240
like last week, we talked about the flies.

651
00:37:37.240 --> 00:37:43.200
They look for a decomposing part and then they plant and lay eggs there.

652
00:37:43.200 --> 00:37:48.160
So then when those eggs hatch, they have that big source of life to feed off of.

653
00:37:48.160 --> 00:37:52.960
Squatters come in through the lies and they take up residence in our heart.

654
00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:55.200
And they're just like living out in there, camping out.

655
00:37:55.200 --> 00:37:57.440
They've set up this whole campsite.

656
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:02.600
And what I mean by that is one lie tends to be connected to another lie, tends to be connected

657
00:38:02.600 --> 00:38:03.800
to another lie.

658
00:38:03.800 --> 00:38:07.000
And they're all just taking up residence in our hearts.

659
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:11.640
Because so many of us have even lived with things, generational inherited lies that were

660
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:16.320
passed down to us that we've just been like, this is how I've always thought.

661
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:17.320
This is just who I am.

662
00:38:17.320 --> 00:38:19.120
They just have to accept who I am.

663
00:38:19.120 --> 00:38:21.160
No, ladies, they don't.

664
00:38:21.160 --> 00:38:23.280
No, they don't.

665
00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:27.440
And I pray and hope that you will shift out of those mindsets and heart postures because

666
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:31.120
it's not healthy for you.

667
00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:36.240
And in order to attract healthy men, we have to become healthy women.

668
00:38:36.240 --> 00:38:42.760
So where are we still believing lies that were even spoken around us that we heard?

669
00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:52.600
About men, about the world, about women, about our bodies, whatever it is.

670
00:38:52.600 --> 00:38:56.000
About beauty.

671
00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:01.440
The Lord said to say that, so I'm putting that one out there too.

672
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:05.880
Some of you feel like it's not okay to be beautiful because somebody told you it was,

673
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:10.480
you know, all about, you know, vanity.

674
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:16.400
I remember this one time, I went down to a church I was serving for.

675
00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:20.480
And a couple of the ladies that served online on my team came with me.

676
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:23.080
We all were from different states, we met there.

677
00:39:23.080 --> 00:39:26.240
And one of the ladies, I ended up letting her stay with us because she couldn't afford

678
00:39:26.240 --> 00:39:28.440
to stay on her own.

679
00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:32.920
And you know, you all I like to do my hair, I like to put makeup on.

680
00:39:32.920 --> 00:39:35.440
I don't think of it as being vain.

681
00:39:35.480 --> 00:39:39.640
I just, I've, I grew up in a house where my mom did it, my grandma did it.

682
00:39:39.640 --> 00:39:42.400
I've just always done it.

683
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:45.840
Back in the day, because my mom never left the house without makeup.

684
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:49.880
I did feel this internal, I can't ever leave the house without makeup.

685
00:39:49.880 --> 00:39:52.400
I've gotten over that.

686
00:39:52.400 --> 00:39:56.240
But I am saying that there's just, I like to take care of myself.

687
00:39:56.240 --> 00:39:57.640
And I don't think that's a bad thing.

688
00:39:57.640 --> 00:39:59.200
I don't, I'm not like a...

689
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.700
Everything's about me kind of person.

690
00:40:01.700 --> 00:40:06.780
But anyways, I'm saying all that to say this, because I take care of myself,

691
00:40:06.780 --> 00:40:10.100
this person, she chooses to live a different way.

692
00:40:10.420 --> 00:40:12.660
She takes care of herself in her own way.

693
00:40:13.240 --> 00:40:16.020
She does not spend time on hair or makeup.

694
00:40:16.020 --> 00:40:19.380
She doesn't wear deodorant, like just very different than me.

695
00:40:19.700 --> 00:40:23.900
I did not judge her at all for that, but she judged me and

696
00:40:23.900 --> 00:40:25.500
she told me I was really vain.

697
00:40:26.220 --> 00:40:27.600
Found that really interesting.

698
00:40:28.500 --> 00:40:32.100
So for whatever reason, I don't know if I've ever even told that story in all

699
00:40:32.100 --> 00:40:34.460
these five years, but I felt led to mention it tonight.

700
00:40:36.420 --> 00:40:44.220
So I felt hurt by that because I was just being myself and I never judged her.

701
00:40:44.900 --> 00:40:46.140
But yet she judged me.

702
00:40:47.140 --> 00:40:50.580
There's this big thing around beauty in the world and our society

703
00:40:50.580 --> 00:40:52.660
definitely has not helped that case.

704
00:40:53.560 --> 00:40:58.200
But ladies, let's be kind to one another and not judge other people.

705
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:03.520
Some of the most beautiful women in the world have the most insecurity.

706
00:41:05.880 --> 00:41:09.720
And some of the women that don't ever do anything with their

707
00:41:09.720 --> 00:41:13.440
appearance also have a lot of insecurity.

708
00:41:14.020 --> 00:41:16.320
It's in all of us to some degree.

709
00:41:18.220 --> 00:41:18.760
Okay.

710
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:20.980
So let's be kind to one another.

711
00:41:20.980 --> 00:41:24.120
Let's not judge each other, but let's look at what's in our heart.

712
00:41:24.120 --> 00:41:28.040
That's causing us to judge other women before we even know them.

713
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:31.080
Or even if we do know them, that we think we know why they're

714
00:41:31.080 --> 00:41:32.200
doing what they're doing.

715
00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:39.320
Cause you know, it says, you know, to be careful to judge people because we

716
00:41:39.320 --> 00:41:41.320
don't know the intentions of their heart.

717
00:41:42.200 --> 00:41:44.000
God is the only one that knows that.

718
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:47.200
All right, I'm going to keep going.

719
00:41:47.400 --> 00:41:48.640
So what are your squatters?

720
00:41:49.640 --> 00:41:53.020
These are enemies to our breakthrough and our progress.

721
00:41:53.020 --> 00:41:55.460
So when we have these squatters, they hold us back.

722
00:41:56.060 --> 00:42:03.820
So as I put you into breakout sessions, Kayleen says, that was, that is for me.

723
00:42:03.820 --> 00:42:07.300
I've struggled to not pendulum in response to some of the toxic

724
00:42:07.300 --> 00:42:08.820
beauty standards of our culture.

725
00:42:09.180 --> 00:42:10.500
Kayleen, thank you for sharing that.

726
00:42:10.500 --> 00:42:12.300
I hope that that ministers to you.

727
00:42:12.500 --> 00:42:18.060
God loves you and you have your own unique beauty and live who you are, be who you

728
00:42:18.160 --> 00:42:19.880
are and be confident in that.

729
00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:22.360
And, and ladies, I'll say this too.

730
00:42:22.740 --> 00:42:23.680
You know, that's the thing.

731
00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:26.400
Some of us step even into people pleasing in that regard.

732
00:42:27.800 --> 00:42:32.460
And some of us, you know, need to practice divine feminine and really

733
00:42:32.460 --> 00:42:34.920
partnering with what does that mean for us?

734
00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:41.680
You know, maybe I had some ladies, um, I wish I could show you pictures of

735
00:42:41.680 --> 00:42:46.640
some of these individuals progress, but, um, one of the ladies in particular

736
00:42:46.640 --> 00:42:50.020
that comes to mind, she had never worn a dress in her entire life.

737
00:42:50.580 --> 00:42:52.700
And so back in the day, we should do this.

738
00:42:52.700 --> 00:42:54.020
You all, we should do this.

739
00:42:54.180 --> 00:42:56.240
This is going to be one of your assignments this week.

740
00:42:56.900 --> 00:42:59.740
And for some of you ladies, you're like, I wear dresses all the time.

741
00:42:59.820 --> 00:43:01.740
So that's awesome.

742
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:04.820
But for some of the other ladies, they don't.

743
00:43:04.820 --> 00:43:07.620
So we're going to practice divine feminine this week.

744
00:43:08.340 --> 00:43:08.740
Okay.

745
00:43:09.220 --> 00:43:15.420
So what that means is I want to encourage you to find a pretty top.

746
00:43:15.920 --> 00:43:18.840
If you, if you're like, I'm not ready for dresses yet.

747
00:43:19.240 --> 00:43:19.840
Okay.

748
00:43:20.040 --> 00:43:22.040
But eventually I want you to practice getting there.

749
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:24.440
Okay.

750
00:43:25.200 --> 00:43:28.240
Jeans, a nice top, get out your dresses.

751
00:43:28.240 --> 00:43:33.360
If you need to go spend just a little bit of money on a new dress, do that.

752
00:43:34.640 --> 00:43:37.160
Let's practice putting on a little bit of makeup.

753
00:43:37.520 --> 00:43:42.120
If you don't love makeup, go fresh, maybe a little bit of lip gloss instead, you

754
00:43:42.120 --> 00:43:47.860
know, do your version of allowing your divine beauty to come out, maybe put on

755
00:43:47.860 --> 00:43:48.740
some earrings.

756
00:43:48.740 --> 00:43:49.820
I love danglies.

757
00:43:49.820 --> 00:43:51.120
I think they look so feminine.

758
00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:53.500
Now you might like short ones and that's totally fine.

759
00:43:53.820 --> 00:43:54.900
The point is.

760
00:43:55.460 --> 00:43:59.780
What is your divine feminine and allow that to come out to play.

761
00:44:00.220 --> 00:44:00.580
Okay.

762
00:44:00.780 --> 00:44:03.060
We worked on just playing and having fun last week.

763
00:44:03.060 --> 00:44:05.180
And if you didn't do that yet, I hope you do it this week.

764
00:44:05.180 --> 00:44:06.960
And that'll, this will be an added one.

765
00:44:07.300 --> 00:44:09.500
And this is an additional assignment for this week.

766
00:44:09.500 --> 00:44:13.960
So I feel like the Holy spirit brought this up for a purpose tonight because I actually

767
00:44:13.960 --> 00:44:17.280
haven't given the dress assignment and really, really long time.

768
00:44:19.160 --> 00:44:19.840
Yes.

769
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:21.320
So here's the thing.

770
00:44:22.520 --> 00:44:29.240
So many of us, um, genuinely our divine feminine comes out to play a lot more in

771
00:44:29.240 --> 00:44:29.840
dresses.

772
00:44:30.520 --> 00:44:38.240
Um, also just from my perspective, I have noticed that men like ladies, when the more

773
00:44:38.260 --> 00:44:43.300
that I healed and I noticed it all the time now, but the more that I healed when I would

774
00:44:43.300 --> 00:44:47.740
go places and I would be dressed up, like even when we go places after church, I tend

775
00:44:47.740 --> 00:44:48.500
to dress up.

776
00:44:48.500 --> 00:44:53.300
Even if I wear pants or jeans, I tend to wear a nice top or a jacket or something like

777
00:44:53.300 --> 00:44:59.300
that, or a dress people will hold the door for me, even other women.

778
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.880
There's like something that just comes out of us when we lean into our divine feminine as we heal

779
00:45:06.880 --> 00:45:14.000
more and more. And for some of you, you know, a lot of that femininity got shut down when you went

780
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:20.720
through trauma and pain because the enemy told you it wasn't safe to be feminine. This isn't

781
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:26.960
about what's pretty ladies, okay? I want to really draw that distinction. I believe that you will

782
00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:34.000
look pretty, but this is about the divine feminine on the inside of you being cultivated, being

783
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:43.200
healed. And if the enemy, like for me, I always, even as a young girl, I loved dresses, but then

784
00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:49.520
the enemy kept attacking my divine feminine. And so every time my divine feminine has gotten

785
00:45:49.520 --> 00:45:55.120
attacked in some way, even like one of the examples, like I can remember when I started

786
00:45:55.360 --> 00:46:00.240
feeling good about my body, I was losing weight, and I was walking out of work one day,

787
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:08.080
and then I got haggled, like catcalled from some guys in a car. And then it happened again,

788
00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:13.840
different guys, different day. And then I started feeling subconscious, like I was drawing attention

789
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:22.880
to myself that I didn't want. That wasn't true, okay? I wasn't doing anything wrong. But subconsciously,

790
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:28.960
I started shutting down. I started wearing baggier clothes. Y'all, this stuff all matters,

791
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:35.120
so it's important for us to pay attention to it. And again, if you have never worn a dress,

792
00:46:35.120 --> 00:46:40.880
there's no shame in that, okay? Super important that you hear me say that. But I just want you

793
00:46:40.880 --> 00:46:46.960
to be praying about it, and I want you to consider going to a dress store, trying on a few dresses.

794
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:51.680
If you don't love it the first time, don't reject it forever. The reason I brought up the lady I

795
00:46:51.680 --> 00:46:58.080
referenced earlier, her name is Sarah. She had never worn a dress, y'all. And actually, Debra,

796
00:46:58.080 --> 00:47:04.640
two ladies. Neither one of them had. And they didn't feel comfortable enough to do it in the

797
00:47:04.640 --> 00:47:10.480
heart work, but later in our program, they both went out shopping at different times. And y'all,

798
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:16.480
I'm telling you, like they posted pictures, and they were shining. They were confident,

799
00:47:17.120 --> 00:47:24.240
and they realized how much they enjoyed it. And that's the thing. I think some of us tell

800
00:47:24.240 --> 00:47:28.720
ourselves that we don't actually need that or even enjoy it. And maybe that is the case for

801
00:47:28.720 --> 00:47:33.680
you, and maybe that is what you will find. But from my experience, that doesn't tend to be the

802
00:47:33.680 --> 00:47:41.600
case. Most people love when their divine feminine shows up, okay? And it's a different timing for

803
00:47:41.600 --> 00:47:47.200
everyone. So trust the timing. I'm not going to be hard on you like, oh my gosh, did you guys do

804
00:47:47.200 --> 00:47:51.840
it? We're not going to be like that in here. This is me giving you an invitation that I believe is

805
00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:56.960
from the Lord because it is not in any of my content for tonight. These are my notes, ladies.

806
00:47:56.960 --> 00:48:02.560
I don't have that written down in here anywhere. I believe 100% that came up from the Lord for you

807
00:48:02.560 --> 00:48:07.920
all in particular. And so be praying into that and allow the Lord to lead that the way that He sees

808
00:48:07.920 --> 00:48:14.960
fit for you. All right, back to our breakout question. Thank you, Jesus and Holy Spirit for

809
00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:22.640
divinely interrupting us. Our breakout question is, what is a negative emotion or memory that

810
00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:27.200
God was bringing up for you tonight as I was talking about the revealing for healing cycle?

811
00:48:27.200 --> 00:48:32.000
And again, if you didn't have a negative emotion or memory, but maybe a lie surfaced,

812
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:37.280
go with that, okay? Share whatever came up for you. But if you have the emotion or memory,

813
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:41.120
go ahead and share that first. Remember short, brief, and powerful, ladies, when you get into

814
00:48:41.120 --> 00:48:46.560
the breakout room so that everybody has time to talk. I'm going to do, it's already 8 49,

815
00:48:46.560 --> 00:48:50.640
so I'm going to do probably six minutes. So we'll do kind of really short tonight.

816
00:48:51.200 --> 00:48:58.400
I'll try the best that I can to only put two people in. Excuse me, but some of you are going

817
00:48:58.400 --> 00:49:12.960
to have three. Okay, here we go. Yeah, sometimes my job used to be really cold too, Zan, but I

818
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:20.000
just would wear cute feminine tops and like a cute sweater over it. It's going to invite you into,

819
00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:23.760
Sandra, into the breakout, but you can just not accept it. So you can just stay here.

820
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:28.560
And before I, before we do that, Sandra is going to move to phase two. You all,

821
00:49:28.560 --> 00:49:34.240
I saw the email come through. Way to go. I'm excited about that. All right, here we go.

822
00:49:37.120 --> 00:49:40.640
Go ahead and click to join those as quick as you can, excuse me, can,

823
00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:48.480
and then I will try to make sure we have everybody in a room together. All right, awesome.

824
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:56.640
Megan, you can absolutely go back or go into your room if you want to,

825
00:49:56.640 --> 00:49:59.760
that's totally up to you. If that's what you were asking me, I haven't seen the whole thing.

826
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.360
And it's okay, if you just want to stay here, okay, I'm just going to pray, I think everyone

827
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:17.220
has somebody Okay, yeah.

828
00:50:17.220 --> 00:50:20.800
So father, we just thank you for your revealing for healing that are happening tonight, God,

829
00:50:20.800 --> 00:50:26.280
we thank you for restoring all of the broken and fallen places in our hearts and lives.

830
00:50:27.240 --> 00:50:32.200
Lord, when things that are unexpected happen that are disappointing, God, I thank you that

831
00:50:33.880 --> 00:50:38.440
I just heard the Lord say he's reappointing us. And so, Lord, I thank you that you turn

832
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:43.720
everything around for our good. And Lord, that you do take disappointment in your hands,

833
00:50:43.720 --> 00:50:48.280
and you mold it into something amazing and beautiful in our lives. I pray that you would

834
00:50:48.280 --> 00:50:55.000
help every woman be encouraged. And to know that you are a good father who brings good

835
00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:59.480
gifts to your children, and they are going to continue to work in their lives no matter what

836
00:50:59.480 --> 00:51:05.960
they see or think in the Yeah, or recognize in the physical realm. And so Lord, we just thank

837
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:15.240
you for every person that's here, God, we thank you for continuing to Lord, just go in and stir up

838
00:51:17.320 --> 00:51:21.960
or the things that need revealed for healed healing Lord, the things that are down deep

839
00:51:21.960 --> 00:51:27.640
in the recesses of their spirit. God, we thank you that you would Yeah, your word declares that

840
00:51:27.640 --> 00:51:32.360
you comfort the broken hearted and you're close to those who are crushed in spirit. And so Lord,

841
00:51:32.360 --> 00:51:36.760
for whoever that applies to God, I thank you that you are meeting them in this moment.

842
00:51:37.800 --> 00:51:43.480
And you are restoring and rebuilding redeeming God, that you would place the balm of Gilead

843
00:51:43.480 --> 00:51:48.680
upon those areas that you would help them to see and recognize things that they cannot see,

844
00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:54.200
or they can't comprehend what is led them to this place, Lord, we thank you for

845
00:51:55.800 --> 00:52:01.480
Yeah, just Ephesians six, seven, or excuse me, 612. And the NLT version that says for we are

846
00:52:01.480 --> 00:52:06.440
not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen

847
00:52:06.440 --> 00:52:12.120
world against mighty powers in this dark world and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

848
00:52:12.120 --> 00:52:21.160
Sorry, ladies. I've apologized to my husband a lot. I'm like, Oh, this sounds so terrible.

849
00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:26.840
Anyways, so we're warring against all these things in the heavenly realms, we have to understand that

850
00:52:26.840 --> 00:52:32.600
even when people rise up against us or hurt us, or, you know, do things that are through the

851
00:52:32.600 --> 00:52:38.200
leading and the enemy, that greater is he that is in us than he that isn't, you know, in the world

852
00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:42.600
that God is for us, who can be against us. And even as Jackie was talking about a couple

853
00:52:42.600 --> 00:52:49.640
Saturdays ago, just that story about Elisha and the servant, and how Elisha prayed that God would

854
00:52:49.640 --> 00:52:55.320
open the servant's eyes to see the many that were around that, like surrounding all the armies that

855
00:52:55.320 --> 00:52:59.640
were surrounding them. And there was all these angel host of art, like the host of angel armies.

856
00:53:00.200 --> 00:53:05.400
And it was just really, really powerful, just that reminder that even when we feel like,

857
00:53:05.400 --> 00:53:09.720
you know, everything is against us, warfare on every side, which I even talked about at the

858
00:53:09.720 --> 00:53:15.800
beginning of tonight, with being sick, like Lord, like y'all, I was literally sick like this

859
00:53:16.600 --> 00:53:21.960
for weeks back in May, it wasn't that long ago. And here I am again, sick, and we don't really

860
00:53:21.960 --> 00:53:26.440
know why we keep getting sick, other than the enemy is just warring against us. And so sometimes

861
00:53:26.440 --> 00:53:31.400
we don't understand. But what I do know is God is for me, he's my healer, and he's going to continue

862
00:53:31.400 --> 00:53:36.360
to see me through. And so, ladies, I want to encourage you to continue to partner with God

863
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:41.720
as our defender. He's our defender, and he's fighting for us, and he will not fail. I keep

864
00:53:41.720 --> 00:53:48.920
hearing that tonight. He will not fail us. Proverbs 18, 19 says, it is easier to conquer a strong city

865
00:53:49.960 --> 00:53:55.400
than to win back a friend whom you've offended. Their walls go up, making it nearly impossible

866
00:53:56.360 --> 00:54:01.080
to win them back. And so, Lord, we just come against the spirit of offense tonight.

867
00:54:02.280 --> 00:54:07.080
And I just thank you, Jesus, that you would just place the blood of Jesus Christ right now

868
00:54:07.080 --> 00:54:13.480
over every offense, where there's brokenness in our families, where there's just been destruction

869
00:54:13.480 --> 00:54:19.800
for years. We just speak in Jesus' name, a spirit of reconciliation, a spirit of healing,

870
00:54:19.880 --> 00:54:25.960
a spirit of forgiveness to be released in us and through us. Lord, to those around us, God,

871
00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:30.760
give us eyes to see what your spirit sees. Help us to feel what your heart feels for them.

872
00:54:32.120 --> 00:54:36.760
It doesn't make it okay what they did to us, but God, we can choose to forgive and walk in the

873
00:54:36.760 --> 00:54:42.200
healing and the redemption that you have designed and created for us. God, that you can make us

874
00:54:42.200 --> 00:54:48.840
better than new, like that this stuff, it would be like as if we come out like, you know, those in

875
00:54:48.840 --> 00:54:53.720
the lion's den, where we won't even smell like smoke. God, that we will look back and we will

876
00:54:53.720 --> 00:54:59.800
feel like none of that, even though we know that stuff happened, it will feel as if it never did.

877
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.960
God, I thank you that you're going to continue to guide us by the hand,

878
00:55:06.680 --> 00:55:10.320
that you're going to continue to lavish your unfailing love upon us.

879
00:55:10.720 --> 00:55:15.840
I pray that you would help us to step into, um, the rightful place as your

880
00:55:15.840 --> 00:55:22.200
princesses, as your daughters, as royalty, Lord, I thank you that you would

881
00:55:22.200 --> 00:55:28.320
help us to continue to heal from the inside out, Lord, I thank you that you

882
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:33.320
would just, um, yeah, Lord, continue to connect dots, bring truth and

883
00:55:33.320 --> 00:55:36.960
revelation where there's been confusion, where there's been chaos, bring calm.

884
00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:41.840
We know that Jesus slept in the boat when they were going to the other

885
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:43.760
side and the disciples were scared.

886
00:55:43.760 --> 00:55:47.000
They were so afraid, but Jesus slept.

887
00:55:48.200 --> 00:55:52.160
Pray that you would give us that ability, but why did he sleep?

888
00:55:52.160 --> 00:55:54.600
Because he knew where he was going.

889
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:58.040
So Lord, I pray that you would help us to get a revelation of

890
00:55:58.040 --> 00:56:02.880
where we're going for so many of these ladies, to give them a revelation

891
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:05.960
of the promise and the plan that you have for them, the spirit mates that

892
00:56:05.960 --> 00:56:10.120
you have for them, that's the cherry on top, but also the, the abundance

893
00:56:10.120 --> 00:56:13.200
of blessings and calling and purpose that you have for their lives.

894
00:56:13.200 --> 00:56:16.040
And I pray that you would help them to lean into that more

895
00:56:16.040 --> 00:56:17.760
and more every single day.

896
00:56:18.520 --> 00:56:19.680
In Jesus name.

897
00:56:19.720 --> 00:56:20.440
Amen.

898
00:56:20.440 --> 00:56:21.720
Welcome back ladies.

899
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:26.560
So for those of you that are new, while you're in breakouts, I tend to talk

900
00:56:26.560 --> 00:56:30.240
and pray and whatever comes up, comes up and out.

901
00:56:30.280 --> 00:56:35.000
And so if you all ever want to go back and just listen to that tonight, it was

902
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:41.080
about 8 50 something, so about 50 some minutes in, and so it was just for a few

903
00:56:41.080 --> 00:56:43.480
minutes, but it might minister to some of you as well.

904
00:56:44.080 --> 00:56:47.480
Um, yeah.

905
00:56:47.560 --> 00:56:47.920
Okay.

906
00:56:48.400 --> 00:56:49.840
Just reading that in the chat.

907
00:56:50.080 --> 00:56:50.920
Welcome back.

908
00:56:50.920 --> 00:56:55.840
So our additional, um, our additional somebody, I need to meet somebody.

909
00:56:55.880 --> 00:56:56.680
Hold on one sec.

910
00:57:00.440 --> 00:57:00.920
There we go.

911
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:01.280
Sorry.

912
00:57:01.280 --> 00:57:02.160
It's getting a little feedback.

913
00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:04.680
So the additional activation.

914
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:09.680
So in addition to practicing our divine feminine, getting on our dresses, y'all

915
00:57:09.680 --> 00:57:11.840
guess what you can take yourself on a date.

916
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:16.720
Did you know you can, and it will be really good practice for you because

917
00:57:16.720 --> 00:57:20.240
you know what, if you can't treat yourself well, why would you date

918
00:57:20.240 --> 00:57:21.160
someone who would treat you?

919
00:57:21.160 --> 00:57:23.000
Well, ouch.

920
00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:24.560
Truth.

921
00:57:25.160 --> 00:57:29.520
Take yourself to a nice dinner, get dressed up, maybe go out with some

922
00:57:29.520 --> 00:57:33.360
girlfriends if you're not there yet, comfortable to take yourself on a date.

923
00:57:33.600 --> 00:57:36.080
But some of you do need to practice taking yourself on a date.

924
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:37.560
Cause you don't even know what you like.

925
00:57:37.560 --> 00:57:39.120
So when guys are like, what do you want to do?

926
00:57:39.120 --> 00:57:39.960
What do you like to do?

927
00:57:40.120 --> 00:57:42.160
You're like, um, what do you like to do?

928
00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:43.280
I'll do whatever you want to do.

929
00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:45.200
Anyone else like that in here?

930
00:57:45.720 --> 00:57:46.760
I used to do that.

931
00:57:47.680 --> 00:57:50.040
I thought I knew myself, but I really didn't.

932
00:57:50.560 --> 00:57:56.400
And so I allowed, I became like a, like a Jackie calls it in the modern dating sucks.

933
00:57:56.400 --> 00:58:00.120
I think the chill girl, I, y'all, I was a bunch of those people that she talked

934
00:58:00.120 --> 00:58:04.360
about in the book, but I resonated with the chill girl and you know, what was

935
00:58:04.360 --> 00:58:08.040
crazy is on the inside, I was totally not the chill girl.

936
00:58:08.640 --> 00:58:10.000
I was freaking out.

937
00:58:10.040 --> 00:58:14.200
I was mad because of what I was seeing, but I was just trying to be the cool

938
00:58:14.200 --> 00:58:15.080
girlfriend.

939
00:58:15.560 --> 00:58:20.920
Cause I didn't want to lose the guy who was a total not good guy.

940
00:58:21.400 --> 00:58:22.840
It's crazy, right?

941
00:58:24.080 --> 00:58:29.120
So if that was you in the past, praise God, you don't ever have to be that person

942
00:58:29.120 --> 00:58:29.600
again.

943
00:58:30.360 --> 00:58:34.240
If I can break free from that, you can break free from that in Jesus name.

944
00:58:34.680 --> 00:58:36.800
And God is going to help you do that.

945
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:38.240
But here's the other activation.

946
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:39.520
I almost lost my train of thought.

947
00:58:39.520 --> 00:58:40.800
Cause I started talking about that.

948
00:58:41.800 --> 00:58:45.720
So the dress and the divine feminine number two is I want to encourage you.

949
00:58:45.720 --> 00:58:47.440
And again, I'll put this up in the group.

950
00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:47.920
You'll see it.

951
00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:52.080
If you click on the announcements tab every week, I post our activations for the

952
00:58:52.080 --> 00:58:52.320
week.

953
00:58:52.320 --> 00:58:53.960
And so I'll put both of these up there.

954
00:58:55.280 --> 00:58:59.400
You're going to create a post in the group this week and talk about what

955
00:58:59.400 --> 00:59:02.160
squatters you're going to evict from your heart.

956
00:59:02.680 --> 00:59:03.160
Okay.

957
00:59:05.200 --> 00:59:08.280
You're going to talk about sometimes who do you pretend to be?

958
00:59:08.320 --> 00:59:11.360
Like, you know, are there any masks that you need to remove?

959
00:59:11.720 --> 00:59:15.640
And I'm going to list out different types of squatters that we tend to have in our

960
00:59:15.640 --> 00:59:16.000
hearts.

961
00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:17.120
And I'll put those in the group.

962
00:59:17.400 --> 00:59:21.480
But for some of you, like all of you need to just pray and ask the Lord what the

963
00:59:21.480 --> 00:59:22.320
squatters are.

964
00:59:22.720 --> 00:59:26.600
But you know, you can also look at the list and see if any of those resonate.

965
00:59:26.600 --> 00:59:30.720
But ultimately I really want you all to pray into that because the Lord is going

966
00:59:30.720 --> 00:59:34.760
to show you some of the stuff that you haven't even recognized that's in your

967
00:59:34.760 --> 00:59:38.440
heart that he's like, yeah, that's hurting you.

968
00:59:39.040 --> 00:59:40.880
I really want to encourage you to kick that out.

969
00:59:41.480 --> 00:59:46.800
Um, for some of you, you've been really mad at your mom for a long time.

970
00:59:47.360 --> 00:59:48.680
I just heard the Lord say that.

971
00:59:48.680 --> 00:59:50.480
So I'm speaking out what he's saying.

972
00:59:52.280 --> 00:59:54.200
And I'm not saying it's not justified.

973
00:59:55.560 --> 00:59:56.240
Okay.

974
00:59:56.520 --> 01:00:00.000
But God wants you to let go of bitterness and unforgiveness.

975
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.080
And he wants you to move forward. So if that's you, I

976
01:00:04.080 --> 01:00:07.200
want to encourage you to lean into that and kick out the

977
01:00:07.480 --> 01:00:10.960
bitterness squatter that's trying to take up residence in

978
01:00:10.960 --> 01:00:14.840
your heart and it's holding you back in life. Okay. There's so

979
01:00:14.840 --> 01:00:17.200
many others. But again, just trying to lean into Holy Spirit

980
01:00:17.200 --> 01:00:20.280
what he's saying tonight. All right. So those are the two

981
01:00:20.320 --> 01:00:23.040
activations for this week. We're going to go ahead and go into

982
01:00:23.040 --> 01:00:26.480
coaching time now Karen's ready to go. So the way this works for

983
01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:30.960
the new ladies, is that I encourage you all to share with

984
01:00:30.960 --> 01:00:33.920
the whole group what you shared in the breakout room. And then

985
01:00:33.920 --> 01:00:40.640
we coach around that. Okay. All right, Karen, you're up. Hello.

986
01:00:40.800 --> 01:00:50.360
Hi. So what I shared in the group was that my, my dad's not

987
01:00:50.360 --> 01:00:54.920
safe. And I feel like I'm being put in harm's way. And I shared

988
01:00:54.920 --> 01:00:58.880
an instance where a few weeks ago, I just came back from my

989
01:00:58.880 --> 01:01:03.880
family vacation. And I feel like I've been sulking since I've

990
01:01:03.880 --> 01:01:08.960
been back. Because before we even went on the trip, I asked

991
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:12.600
my dad, I said, you know, don't be getting into any fights or

992
01:01:12.600 --> 01:01:18.600
like, saying some foul language. And we were in the airport, and

993
01:01:18.600 --> 01:01:24.360
he got offended by someone and he did. He raised his voice, he

994
01:01:24.360 --> 01:01:29.800
caused a scene, and I just kind of like, shut down. And then at

995
01:01:29.800 --> 01:01:33.880
dinnertime, it came out, but it came out in an indirect way. And

996
01:01:33.880 --> 01:01:37.640
I felt like, you know, I could have brought it to him in a

997
01:01:37.640 --> 01:01:43.080
different way. Just address it between him and I. And it even

998
01:01:43.080 --> 01:01:45.480
made me more upset because he was saying he had to teach the

999
01:01:45.480 --> 01:01:49.520
person a lesson. So not really being sincerely apologetic about

1000
01:01:49.520 --> 01:01:54.720
it. So for me, I feel like even though I wanted to honor his

1001
01:01:54.720 --> 01:01:58.720
request to take him on this vacation, especially being

1002
01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:03.720
older, I feel like I was in survival mode the whole time we

1003
01:02:03.720 --> 01:02:10.280
were traveling. So and I feel like I could have, you know,

1004
01:02:10.560 --> 01:02:13.320
talked to God about it, prayed about it, or even like reached

1005
01:02:13.320 --> 01:02:16.480
out in the community just to kind of like, get it off my

1006
01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:21.600
heart. And I was more just trying to take care of it

1007
01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:22.280
myself.

1008
01:02:24.040 --> 01:02:26.840
So a couple things. Thank you so much for what you shared. I'm

1009
01:02:26.840 --> 01:02:31.160
sorry to hear that happened. But I know it might be hard. And

1010
01:02:31.160 --> 01:02:33.600
again, because he's getting older, I can totally understand

1011
01:02:33.600 --> 01:02:38.800
why you were lovingly, you know, taking him on this trip. But

1012
01:02:38.800 --> 01:02:42.200
from what you've shared about your family, it just sounds like

1013
01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:45.640
God is really trying to encourage you to also create

1014
01:02:45.640 --> 01:02:49.360
more boundaries. So you may not want to do that. You might want

1015
01:02:49.360 --> 01:02:54.640
to do a shorter, shorter little thing, maybe a little few hour

1016
01:02:54.680 --> 01:02:57.520
car trip or something and see how that goes instead of you

1017
01:02:57.520 --> 01:03:00.520
know, where you're at places that you are more exposed, if

1018
01:03:00.520 --> 01:03:04.800
you will. And I've gone through not like my dad used to yell at

1019
01:03:04.800 --> 01:03:09.120
me in public. And then when I was married before my first

1020
01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:13.360
marriage, my ex husband used to yell at me in front of other

1021
01:03:13.360 --> 01:03:17.840
people and it was humiliating. And so while your dad was

1022
01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:20.680
yelling at someone else, I'm just resonating with you a

1023
01:03:20.680 --> 01:03:24.720
little bit in those moments how that can feel. And so just want

1024
01:03:24.720 --> 01:03:31.240
to encourage you to really take some time to really look at what

1025
01:03:31.240 --> 01:03:33.680
were all the things you were feeling when that was happening?

1026
01:03:34.040 --> 01:03:38.960
Okay. You said something really important. You said, I've been

1027
01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:43.320
sulking since I've been back. Very specific, very self aware

1028
01:03:43.320 --> 01:03:48.640
word that you're using. And so what is sulking look like for

1029
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:51.400
you? And what does it sound like? So what I mean by that is

1030
01:03:51.400 --> 01:03:55.320
what do you typically do when you sulk? And what are the lies

1031
01:03:55.320 --> 01:03:58.040
that you're hearing when you're sulking? And there's no shame in

1032
01:03:58.040 --> 01:04:01.400
this y'all. I have been there and felt that in the last few

1033
01:04:01.400 --> 01:04:04.080
weeks myself with some things we've been walking through. So

1034
01:04:04.080 --> 01:04:07.960
I'm just asking because I will probably know how to kind of

1035
01:04:07.960 --> 01:04:11.680
navigate from from that point of what you share, what the

1036
01:04:11.680 --> 01:04:13.480
Lord's trying to kind of hone in on tonight.

1037
01:04:15.720 --> 01:04:21.320
Like I was spending time doom scrolling or watching movie. And

1038
01:04:21.320 --> 01:04:24.960
usually I'm working out I wasn't even doing that. So just feeling

1039
01:04:24.960 --> 01:04:31.160
really down and like kind of talking maybe regrets in my

1040
01:04:31.160 --> 01:04:38.280
mind. Or and then feeling guilty about me and me exploding

1041
01:04:38.280 --> 01:04:45.800
afterwards. For that. Okay. And then my parents anniversary

1042
01:04:45.840 --> 01:04:49.880
recently came up. And I didn't even respond to the family group

1043
01:04:49.880 --> 01:04:54.120
text because I was still feeling like I didn't get triggered like

1044
01:04:54.160 --> 01:04:57.600
just knowing the relationship they had with one another. And

1045
01:04:57.920 --> 01:05:00.040
you know, yeah, he was trying to

1046
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.880
It sounds sweet in the text message,

1047
01:05:01.880 --> 01:05:06.080
but I was just like, I did not see your marriage that way

1048
01:05:06.080 --> 01:05:08.400
or how you treated mom.

1049
01:05:08.400 --> 01:05:09.720
Yeah.

1050
01:05:09.720 --> 01:05:12.640
And I think, again, these can be really tough things

1051
01:05:12.640 --> 01:05:15.520
to navigate because so many of us,

1052
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:17.800
we don't want to be the one that doesn't say something

1053
01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:20.800
in the family chat or even in a friend chat.

1054
01:05:20.800 --> 01:05:22.440
I have friends that deal with this,

1055
01:05:22.440 --> 01:05:25.800
where people bring up politics knowing that certain people

1056
01:05:25.800 --> 01:05:27.080
don't want to talk about that.

1057
01:05:27.080 --> 01:05:28.380
And it starts all these fights.

1058
01:05:29.060 --> 01:05:31.980
Like in family things like this, somebody

1059
01:05:31.980 --> 01:05:35.920
saying something that may or may not really have been true,

1060
01:05:35.920 --> 01:05:37.580
and that's tough.

1061
01:05:37.580 --> 01:05:42.940
So just pray about, is God asking you to respond?

1062
01:05:42.940 --> 01:05:46.420
And just releasing yourself from the guilt of not responding.

1063
01:05:46.420 --> 01:05:49.540
I don't think that we ladies have to get into this mode

1064
01:05:49.540 --> 01:05:52.580
of we have to respond to everything.

1065
01:05:52.580 --> 01:05:57.980
I will also say, sometimes, even now, the current family

1066
01:05:57.980 --> 01:06:01.340
chat we have, my husband's one sister in particular,

1067
01:06:01.340 --> 01:06:08.860
is very always about herself and self-promoting.

1068
01:06:08.860 --> 01:06:13.060
And we love her, but sometimes, it's just a lot.

1069
01:06:13.060 --> 01:06:16.700
And so sometimes, I just don't respond

1070
01:06:16.700 --> 01:06:18.140
because I just don't feel like it,

1071
01:06:18.140 --> 01:06:21.500
and I'm really too busy for it.

1072
01:06:21.500 --> 01:06:24.460
And I don't mean that bad, but just that's the reality.

1073
01:06:24.460 --> 01:06:27.860
And I just don't walk in guilt for that.

1074
01:06:28.860 --> 01:06:30.580
But it's taken practice.

1075
01:06:30.580 --> 01:06:32.500
But one of the things I want to mention

1076
01:06:32.500 --> 01:06:36.260
is let's really look out with the Lord

1077
01:06:36.260 --> 01:06:43.140
to releasing yourself from the guilt of the explosion,

1078
01:06:43.140 --> 01:06:47.860
if you will, and forgiving yourself for it.

1079
01:06:47.860 --> 01:06:50.100
But again, get to the root of what

1080
01:06:50.100 --> 01:06:52.820
really led to the explosion.

1081
01:06:52.820 --> 01:06:56.600
Is it because he did what you asked him not to do?

1082
01:06:56.600 --> 01:06:59.840
Is it because he is always the same,

1083
01:06:59.840 --> 01:07:03.000
and you're just mad that your dad is the way he is?

1084
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:04.160
Is it something else?

1085
01:07:04.160 --> 01:07:05.960
You know what I'm saying, where you really

1086
01:07:05.960 --> 01:07:08.880
start to dial in on what was really,

1087
01:07:08.880 --> 01:07:12.600
because remember, anger hurts bodyguard.

1088
01:07:12.600 --> 01:07:16.680
And rage, which is typically the explosion,

1089
01:07:16.680 --> 01:07:21.440
it's anger amplified, underneath of all of those things

1090
01:07:21.440 --> 01:07:26.320
tends to be sadness and frustration, disappointment.

1091
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:29.240
But sadness at the core.

1092
01:07:29.240 --> 01:07:33.280
So what were you sad about?

1093
01:07:33.280 --> 01:07:34.640
You know what I'm saying?

1094
01:07:34.640 --> 01:07:35.360
Yeah.

1095
01:07:35.360 --> 01:07:40.480
One thing I could think offhand was at the donor,

1096
01:07:40.480 --> 01:07:44.160
he was ready to want to go back to his hometown.

1097
01:07:44.160 --> 01:07:47.440
We were with my family and my brother's family.

1098
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:53.160
And he was saying, we're a happy family, and then this.

1099
01:07:53.160 --> 01:07:57.000
And inside, I'm thinking, are you kidding me?

1100
01:07:57.000 --> 01:08:01.160
You're like, are you not in touch with?

1101
01:08:01.160 --> 01:08:03.400
You tell us to keep things to ourself

1102
01:08:03.400 --> 01:08:05.680
when you know very well there's this incident that

1103
01:08:05.680 --> 01:08:10.360
happened in the family that was not OK.

1104
01:08:10.360 --> 01:08:12.040
And you're seeing our family as happy.

1105
01:08:12.040 --> 01:08:14.200
And I felt like maybe that was my opportunity

1106
01:08:14.200 --> 01:08:16.960
to speak up for something we've been told

1107
01:08:16.960 --> 01:08:19.920
to be silent about for a while.

1108
01:08:19.920 --> 01:08:22.319
So are you sad that you didn't speak up then?

1109
01:08:22.319 --> 01:08:25.479
Is that what I hear you saying?

1110
01:08:25.479 --> 01:08:29.040
I felt like it triggered a lot more in my heart that's

1111
01:08:29.040 --> 01:08:34.319
been buried for so long and not having a voice

1112
01:08:34.319 --> 01:08:36.920
or feeling invalidated.

1113
01:08:36.920 --> 01:08:37.800
OK.

1114
01:08:37.800 --> 01:08:40.439
So this is your assignment for that, OK?

1115
01:08:40.439 --> 01:08:44.880
I want you to put on some soft music in the next few days,

1116
01:08:44.880 --> 01:08:47.040
what I would call soaking music.

1117
01:08:47.040 --> 01:08:50.080
You can kind of look it up on Spotify or YouTube.

1118
01:08:50.160 --> 01:08:52.880
And I just want you to take some time to journal.

1119
01:08:52.880 --> 01:08:57.960
Everything that you feel about this, don't hold anything back.

1120
01:08:57.960 --> 01:09:00.840
Literally, even if you say something mean,

1121
01:09:00.840 --> 01:09:01.960
don't hold it back.

1122
01:09:01.960 --> 01:09:04.040
You got to let it out.

1123
01:09:04.040 --> 01:09:06.680
And you need to just process through the real you

1124
01:09:06.680 --> 01:09:09.840
because your voice needs to find an outlet.

1125
01:09:09.840 --> 01:09:12.160
And we're going to start using the journaling

1126
01:09:12.160 --> 01:09:14.399
as the initial outlet, OK?

1127
01:09:14.399 --> 01:09:18.560
You don't need to necessarily do anything with it.

1128
01:09:18.560 --> 01:09:20.640
You might want to pray if you need

1129
01:09:20.640 --> 01:09:23.399
to burn it or keep it or whatever

1130
01:09:23.399 --> 01:09:25.000
and just see what the Lord says.

1131
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:27.000
I would not encourage you to give it to anyone, OK?

1132
01:09:27.000 --> 01:09:28.640
Because this is going to be really raw.

1133
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:30.600
It's going to be really real, hopefully.

1134
01:09:30.600 --> 01:09:34.880
But you have to practice just really expressing and not

1135
01:09:34.880 --> 01:09:39.319
having like, you know, when I say don't erase things,

1136
01:09:39.319 --> 01:09:42.479
don't cross them out, like whatever comes up,

1137
01:09:42.479 --> 01:09:44.760
write it out.

1138
01:09:44.760 --> 01:09:46.520
This is going to be really big for you

1139
01:09:46.520 --> 01:09:49.640
because you've held stuff down for so long.

1140
01:09:49.640 --> 01:09:51.800
And maybe even in the past had people,

1141
01:09:51.800 --> 01:09:54.520
when you actually would try to express yourself,

1142
01:09:54.520 --> 01:09:57.200
I'm going to guess there were probably people that kind of

1143
01:09:57.200 --> 01:10:01.040
tried to convince you that those feelings were not real.

1144
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.260
or they weren't allowed or something,

1145
01:10:03.260 --> 01:10:06.340
or good girls don't have those kind of big emotions,

1146
01:10:06.340 --> 01:10:09.300
or, you know, people make all kinds of statements, right?

1147
01:10:09.300 --> 01:10:12.200
And some of it is cultural stuff too.

1148
01:10:12.200 --> 01:10:14.820
So even in your culture, I don't know, you know,

1149
01:10:14.820 --> 01:10:16.620
even if you were raised in the U.S., ladies,

1150
01:10:16.620 --> 01:10:19.300
so many people, you know, that their parents

1151
01:10:19.300 --> 01:10:23.380
came from another country or whatever outside the U.S.,

1152
01:10:23.380 --> 01:10:27.580
that culture still comes with you, with your family, right?

1153
01:10:27.580 --> 01:10:31.480
And so that's at play too for so many.

1154
01:10:31.480 --> 01:10:34.160
So take some real time to process that

1155
01:10:34.160 --> 01:10:35.800
and allow whatever to come out.

1156
01:10:35.800 --> 01:10:38.300
And really, anytime in the next few weeks

1157
01:10:38.300 --> 01:10:41.780
that you feel that like, okay, stuff is starting to build up

1158
01:10:41.780 --> 01:10:44.000
or you feel really down, just take,

1159
01:10:44.000 --> 01:10:45.880
even if it's like you set a timer

1160
01:10:45.880 --> 01:10:49.000
and don't feel like you have to just do this for hours, okay?

1161
01:10:49.000 --> 01:10:50.800
I would encourage you the first time,

1162
01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:52.240
and this might sound like a long time,

1163
01:10:52.240 --> 01:10:56.160
but it's gonna go fast, set a timer for five minutes

1164
01:10:56.160 --> 01:10:57.000
and just write.

1165
01:10:57.960 --> 01:10:58.860
Okay?

1166
01:10:58.860 --> 01:11:00.560
And then do that again.

1167
01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:03.800
And I would encourage you to do it every few days

1168
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:05.720
for the next few weeks, because you just,

1169
01:11:05.720 --> 01:11:08.000
you really need to practice that expression.

1170
01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:10.280
It's gonna be really helpful for you.

1171
01:11:10.280 --> 01:11:11.920
Okay, thank you so much.

1172
01:11:11.920 --> 01:11:13.400
You're welcome, yeah.

1173
01:11:13.400 --> 01:11:15.160
And for ladies, when I coach,

1174
01:11:15.160 --> 01:11:17.200
if something's resonating for you,

1175
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:19.120
one of the things we talk about in this community

1176
01:11:19.120 --> 01:11:20.520
is that it's really important for you

1177
01:11:20.520 --> 01:11:22.400
to go ahead and grab that for yourself.

1178
01:11:22.400 --> 01:11:24.800
And so if what I just said to her,

1179
01:11:24.820 --> 01:11:28.180
if you are someone that also struggles to use your voice,

1180
01:11:28.180 --> 01:11:30.540
highly recommend you doing the same for yourself, okay?

1181
01:11:30.540 --> 01:11:33.040
That journaling prompt, five minutes,

1182
01:11:33.040 --> 01:11:35.700
really let yourself release those emotions.

1183
01:11:35.700 --> 01:11:38.400
I even feel like, man, maybe I need to do that again.

1184
01:11:39.420 --> 01:11:41.060
You know, stuff gets stored up in us,

1185
01:11:41.060 --> 01:11:44.420
and because we're trying to be good people, good Christians,

1186
01:11:44.420 --> 01:11:45.980
again, somebody said something,

1187
01:11:45.980 --> 01:11:47.580
we're not allowed to feel this way,

1188
01:11:47.580 --> 01:11:51.740
we stuff that down and God's wanting us to let that out

1189
01:11:51.740 --> 01:11:54.200
in a safe container.

1190
01:11:54.200 --> 01:11:55.820
Okay, does that make sense?

1191
01:11:55.820 --> 01:11:58.720
All right, Beth, we'd love to hear what you have to say.

1192
01:12:07.020 --> 01:12:08.620
You're muted if you're talking.

1193
01:12:10.180 --> 01:12:12.340
Sorry, I'm on my phone, I'm trying to find,

1194
01:12:12.340 --> 01:12:14.180
I'm trying to find the right spot

1195
01:12:14.180 --> 01:12:16.300
to put myself on camera and all that,

1196
01:12:16.300 --> 01:12:18.900
but I'm getting quite excited.

1197
01:12:18.900 --> 01:12:19.740
So I'll just tell you,

1198
01:12:19.740 --> 01:12:21.360
and then maybe while you're coaching,

1199
01:12:21.360 --> 01:12:22.420
I can come on camera.

1200
01:12:23.400 --> 01:12:28.400
So for me, what was coming up was less specific memories,

1201
01:12:29.440 --> 01:12:32.720
but when you said, when you were talking about

1202
01:12:32.720 --> 01:12:36.240
going round and round, like the same issues

1203
01:12:36.240 --> 01:12:41.240
or cycling through, for me, that has been all my life,

1204
01:12:41.520 --> 01:12:45.000
really, is like losing weight, gaining weight,

1205
01:12:45.000 --> 01:12:46.560
losing weight, gaining weight.

1206
01:12:47.680 --> 01:12:51.040
And I just feel like I'm so done with,

1207
01:12:51.040 --> 01:12:53.300
I just want to be done with that.

1208
01:12:53.300 --> 01:12:58.060
Even now I'm in a cycle of like, I've been pretty good,

1209
01:12:58.060 --> 01:13:00.340
like I'm losing weight and I'm focused,

1210
01:13:00.340 --> 01:13:03.940
but just this weekend I had kind of like a trigger

1211
01:13:06.180 --> 01:13:08.500
and it was just like seeing a picture of myself

1212
01:13:09.980 --> 01:13:11.540
that I thought I looked different,

1213
01:13:11.540 --> 01:13:12.620
because I have been losing weight,

1214
01:13:12.620 --> 01:13:15.660
so I was like feeling proud, but then I saw a picture

1215
01:13:15.660 --> 01:13:19.220
and it kind of put me in a place where I was like over eight

1216
01:13:19.220 --> 01:13:24.220
and so I just, and there's, I think, root issues.

1217
01:13:25.400 --> 01:13:28.680
My dad is very obese and not,

1218
01:13:31.880 --> 01:13:35.280
just not in reality with like changing that,

1219
01:13:35.280 --> 01:13:37.840
and so I think that that is part of it.

1220
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:40.560
So I think there's some, definitely some things there,

1221
01:13:40.560 --> 01:13:42.920
like I'm aware of that and I always have been,

1222
01:13:42.920 --> 01:13:47.840
but yeah, so that was kind of what came up

1223
01:13:48.340 --> 01:13:50.060
and my partner in the group was like,

1224
01:13:50.060 --> 01:13:51.700
hey, I resonate with that

1225
01:13:51.700 --> 01:13:52.660
and I think you should bring that up.

1226
01:13:52.660 --> 01:13:53.740
And I was like, yeah, I probably should,

1227
01:13:53.740 --> 01:13:56.780
because it's just, is one of these things

1228
01:13:56.780 --> 01:14:01.300
where it's like, I just don't want to keep,

1229
01:14:01.300 --> 01:14:04.300
I just want like a healthy relationship with food

1230
01:14:04.300 --> 01:14:06.520
and with eating and,

1231
01:14:08.460 --> 01:14:11.460
but the lie that was coming up, and I've known this,

1232
01:14:11.460 --> 01:14:13.740
is, and it's sometimes I do well with it

1233
01:14:13.740 --> 01:14:16.300
and then sometimes I feel like it creeps back in,

1234
01:14:16.300 --> 01:14:21.160
is that, if I'm a certain size or if I'm small enough

1235
01:14:21.160 --> 01:14:23.800
or from, then I'll be more attractive

1236
01:14:23.800 --> 01:14:25.520
and therefore I'll have a mate,

1237
01:14:25.520 --> 01:14:28.720
and so I think that's kind of that,

1238
01:14:28.720 --> 01:14:30.320
that lie that comes out of that.

1239
01:14:32.160 --> 01:14:33.560
So that's what I have.

1240
01:14:33.560 --> 01:14:35.480
I'm gonna try to go on camera if I can figure it out.

1241
01:14:35.480 --> 01:14:37.040
Yeah, that's totally fine.

1242
01:14:37.040 --> 01:14:40.680
So thank you so much for sharing that

1243
01:14:40.680 --> 01:14:43.240
and I think a lot of people are gonna resonate with that

1244
01:14:43.240 --> 01:14:45.240
in different ways.

1245
01:14:45.240 --> 01:14:48.300
Interestingly enough, I was just thinking about this

1246
01:14:48.300 --> 01:14:51.120
for myself not that long ago,

1247
01:14:51.120 --> 01:14:53.520
because I felt like I was losing a little bit of weight

1248
01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:55.060
and then I saw myself in a photo

1249
01:14:55.060 --> 01:14:57.860
and just totally was like, oh my gosh,

1250
01:14:57.860 --> 01:14:59.340
that's what I look like?

1251
01:14:59.340 --> 01:15:00.180
And then.

1252
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.800
of went in the same spiral. So I really resonated with what you were saying. And I've never really

1253
01:15:04.800 --> 01:15:12.480
thought of this. But when you were talking about the pictures, what I kind of saw in my mind's eye

1254
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:17.200
was almost like, and this may not resonate for you, it could be you, it could be somebody else

1255
01:15:17.200 --> 01:15:23.760
that's on here tonight. I don't remember my mom ever doing this for me. But I saw like a mom

1256
01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:32.080
with the daughter, like looking at pictures and basically like comparing people in the picture.

1257
01:15:32.080 --> 01:15:38.640
And it was like the daughter was in the picture with other like relatives, siblings, something

1258
01:15:38.640 --> 01:15:46.400
like that. And so if any of you have gone through that, or your dad's did it or whatever, or you saw

1259
01:15:46.400 --> 01:15:53.440
your dad like comparing women or heard him do, moms do it too. But just that can be the root of

1260
01:15:53.440 --> 01:15:58.800
some of this, like where we're always like looking at ourself in photos and never being satisfied.

1261
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:04.640
I will say, interestingly enough, my mom was also very obese and overweight. So when you mentioned

1262
01:16:04.640 --> 01:16:08.960
that about your dad, I feel like we have some similarities there. My mom hit food a lot,

1263
01:16:09.760 --> 01:16:13.840
had a lot of bad eating habits. When she was depressed, she would just like eat, eat, eat,

1264
01:16:13.840 --> 01:16:21.760
eat. And so I have recognized in the last year more than ever, that is something I've been

1265
01:16:21.760 --> 01:16:29.520
working with a coach on that I actually have to work on mindsets. When something negative happens,

1266
01:16:30.160 --> 01:16:38.640
it triggers like these habits that I subconsciously picked up from my mom and watching her and how she

1267
01:16:38.720 --> 01:16:48.400
actually didn't deal with pain. She just ate food to like, kind of like soothe it, if you will,

1268
01:16:48.400 --> 01:16:54.800
in a sense. And so when you said, when I saw the picture, and I thought I didn't look good,

1269
01:16:54.800 --> 01:17:00.160
and then I ate, you know, stuff that you didn't want to. Again, these are really good self

1270
01:17:00.160 --> 01:17:04.880
awareness things that you're seeing, Beth. You know, I think the reality is, is that God wants

1271
01:17:04.880 --> 01:17:11.600
you to break the cycle to even more than you want to. I know that consent, like, even me,

1272
01:17:11.600 --> 01:17:14.880
sometimes I get frustrated, because I'm like, well, if he wants me, like, why can't I just

1273
01:17:14.880 --> 01:17:20.400
be done with this? You know, but at the core, it's like what Jackie said on Saturday, you know,

1274
01:17:20.400 --> 01:17:28.640
God is revealing this stuff to help us get to the root of what is the trigger. Okay, so what is the

1275
01:17:28.640 --> 01:17:34.400
trigger for us? What is what is the lie underneath the surface? And again, it sounds like you've

1276
01:17:34.400 --> 01:17:38.400
already been processing this. But remember, one of the things I talked about in this community,

1277
01:17:39.520 --> 01:17:46.640
in the heartwork specifically, is that forgiveness happens in layers, healing happens in layers. And

1278
01:17:46.640 --> 01:17:52.560
you know, again, I can coach from what I know about myself, is that every time I circle back

1279
01:17:52.560 --> 01:17:58.240
around all this body image stuff in this weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, and the stuff

1280
01:17:58.240 --> 01:18:05.200
with my mom, and even the beauty stuff, and my mom compared her, my dad cheated on my mom a lot.

1281
01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:11.040
So my mom never felt confident. And, you know, just I picked up a lot of that stuff more than I

1282
01:18:11.040 --> 01:18:18.400
even realized. Every time this stuff kind of circles back around, I get another layer of freedom.

1283
01:18:19.440 --> 01:18:25.760
So I will tell you that I'm not saying God isn't wanting you to be set free. Yeah. But remember,

1284
01:18:25.760 --> 01:18:34.560
the truth is what actually sets us free. And, you know, when we talk about changing behavior,

1285
01:18:35.120 --> 01:18:40.800
we don't necessarily want behavior modification, right? We want healing on the inside,

1286
01:18:41.360 --> 01:18:48.880
that brings a change on the outside out of the overflow. So out of us healing, that that is what

1287
01:18:48.880 --> 01:18:56.640
would lead us to change who we are to shift what we're doing, when something happens, right? Yes.

1288
01:18:57.280 --> 01:19:03.120
So I love that you've already identified the lie. Okay. I love that you already are recognizing this

1289
01:19:03.120 --> 01:19:10.480
cycle. I encourage you to really ask the Lord kind of like how I said, the fear of men are abused by

1290
01:19:10.480 --> 01:19:16.400
men was the overarching. I feel like God is showing you the overarching thing. And you already know

1291
01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:20.960
some of the, I'm going to call them tendrils, tendrils that come off of that. But I feel like

1292
01:19:20.960 --> 01:19:27.200
there might be some more that God wants to reveal to you, maybe even earlier in childhood, things

1293
01:19:27.200 --> 01:19:37.440
that you picked up and beliefs. And I just heard the Lord say to forgive your dad for his obesity.

1294
01:19:38.560 --> 01:19:45.440
Yeah. You know, and forgive him for whatever, you know, if there's any judgment that you've had

1295
01:19:45.440 --> 01:19:51.920
against him, um, because of what he has done or hasn't done to take care of himself. That was

1296
01:19:51.920 --> 01:19:57.760
some things I had to deal with, with my mom, my mom quit taking care of herself and it didn't end

1297
01:19:57.760 --> 01:19:59.840
well for her. And I had to deal with.

1298
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.040
some bitterness and judgment in my heart towards her. Again, if this resonates, take it. Lean

1299
01:20:07.040 --> 01:20:14.560
into that. But God is definitely wanting to heal that relationship with your dad too.

1300
01:20:14.560 --> 01:20:23.360
Yeah, and he was one of my forgiveness worksheets. But the other thing is that I live with my

1301
01:20:23.360 --> 01:20:30.700
parents right now. Of course, it's from the Lord, so it's spot on. But I mean, there's

1302
01:20:30.700 --> 01:20:42.980
continual opportunity to be offended and to forgive. And there is anger that he won't

1303
01:20:42.980 --> 01:20:50.020
take care of himself. And so it's almost like my choice to work out and take care of myself

1304
01:20:50.340 --> 01:20:57.700
because I don't want to end up that way. But also, I'm upset that he won't try,

1305
01:20:59.700 --> 01:21:02.980
and that he can't take care of my mom physically.

1306
01:21:04.100 --> 01:21:08.420
Yeah, so we're getting to something. This is really important, Beth, okay? When you said

1307
01:21:08.420 --> 01:21:12.580
anger that he won't take care of himself, I feel like the way that I describe it,

1308
01:21:12.580 --> 01:21:18.100
I felt some juice on that. I felt some Holy Spirit on that. I feel like you're onto something

1309
01:21:18.100 --> 01:21:22.340
really important there, okay? So don't brush over that too quick tonight after we get off.

1310
01:21:23.220 --> 01:21:30.820
Remember, anger, which is what I just mentioned to Karen, is hurts bodyguard. So under the core,

1311
01:21:31.860 --> 01:21:36.580
when is the first time you believe the lie that your dad didn't care about you enough?

1312
01:21:39.220 --> 01:21:46.260
I feel that. Thank you, Jesus. I think that's where it's going to lead.

1313
01:21:48.660 --> 01:21:53.940
Because you're saying it is true. You want him to be there to care for your mom. But ultimately,

1314
01:21:53.940 --> 01:22:00.980
who do we want our daddies to care about? Who do we care about us? And I think just at some point,

1315
01:22:00.980 --> 01:22:07.620
even earlier in your life, there was a time where you didn't feel protected or something with your

1316
01:22:07.620 --> 01:22:15.460
dad, maybe even because of his weight, where the judgment started coming in. So let us know,

1317
01:22:15.460 --> 01:22:20.500
pray into that, and then come in the group and tell us. And again, it could be in the next few

1318
01:22:20.500 --> 01:22:24.660
days. It could be next week. Just trust the process, but let us know how that goes, okay?

1319
01:22:24.660 --> 01:22:26.820
Okay. Thank you.

1320
01:22:26.820 --> 01:22:33.620
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing. It's good to see you. Danielle, go ahead.

1321
01:22:35.140 --> 01:22:41.060
Hey, everyone. Hi. I just finished week two of heartwork, and I've been

1322
01:22:41.060 --> 01:22:44.500
very emotional, so I might cry when I'm talking right now.

1323
01:22:44.580 --> 01:22:52.180
Right. So the emotion that came up was feeling inferior and really small,

1324
01:22:53.700 --> 01:23:01.140
and almost wanting to hide. I think that kind of goes together. And it's really interesting,

1325
01:23:01.140 --> 01:23:05.940
because the memory that came up for me, and I shared this in my group, was when I was a little

1326
01:23:05.940 --> 01:23:13.140
girl, the neighborhood boy would come and play with me, and then he would touch me in places I

1327
01:23:13.140 --> 01:23:20.740
wasn't okay with, and that would go on to become a pattern. And then I would go to school,

1328
01:23:20.740 --> 01:23:27.780
and he would ignore me. And then I would come home, and then I would actually begin to get

1329
01:23:27.780 --> 01:23:35.220
really excited to see him, and do all these very promiscuous things. I didn't even know what I was

1330
01:23:35.220 --> 01:23:39.940
doing. I was really young. And then this would go on to become a pattern, and then abuse would come

1331
01:23:39.940 --> 01:23:49.460
into my life, sexual abuse, and a lot of terrible things. And the lie that came up for me was,

1332
01:23:49.460 --> 01:23:56.740
I have to compromise to get what I want. And I've dated a lot, been in four broken relationships,

1333
01:23:56.740 --> 01:24:02.500
one in engagement with my best guy friend. And I've realized I just made new non-negotiables,

1334
01:24:02.500 --> 01:24:09.140
and it just feels really hard to stick to those, and to stick to my boundaries. And I also wrote

1335
01:24:09.140 --> 01:24:17.300
down that hiding just feels safer still, after all these years. And I went on to actually become

1336
01:24:17.300 --> 01:24:23.220
a homecoming queen, and I run an online business. I love photo shoots. I actually like being seen,

1337
01:24:25.460 --> 01:24:30.980
except when it comes to this part of my life. It still feels incredibly unsafe. Men still

1338
01:24:30.980 --> 01:24:37.300
kind of feel unsafe. I've attracted almost, he's almost there. He's got nine out of the

1339
01:24:37.300 --> 01:24:45.460
10 things that's good enough. I guess I'll just compromise, even though in my heart, in my head,

1340
01:24:45.460 --> 01:24:51.380
I'm like, I don't compromise. And I don't know, I'm just feeling, I have been hiding lately. I'm

1341
01:24:51.380 --> 01:24:56.340
not showing up online. I'm not really building my business right now. I'm not dating because I was

1342
01:24:56.340 --> 01:24:59.860
told not to. So that's on the...

1343
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.560
I've not really been on absent almost eight months. I don't

1344
01:25:03.560 --> 01:25:06.800
know, I just I'm feeling even nervous talking about this right

1345
01:25:06.800 --> 01:25:07.280
now.

1346
01:25:07.360 --> 01:25:11.640
You're doing a great job. You're doing really, really great. So

1347
01:25:11.920 --> 01:25:15.800
number one, darkness is losing its hold on you tonight a little

1348
01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:19.720
bit more. Okay, super important that you hear that that you know

1349
01:25:19.720 --> 01:25:24.560
that we support you and this takes a lot of courage and

1350
01:25:24.560 --> 01:25:33.000
you're super brave. And some important things. There's a book

1351
01:25:33.000 --> 01:25:36.560
I read years ago, I can't even think of what it was called. But

1352
01:25:36.560 --> 01:25:43.840
there was a story of this little girl that her family, not the

1353
01:25:43.840 --> 01:25:46.720
same story that you shared, but this this story is coming to

1354
01:25:46.720 --> 01:25:51.520
mind. That people from where they lived came into their home

1355
01:25:51.520 --> 01:25:54.440
and started killing her family and her and her brother ran

1356
01:25:54.440 --> 01:25:59.960
into the woods. Okay, to hide. And for a while the brother

1357
01:25:59.960 --> 01:26:04.160
stayed there. Because they were both afraid to leave because

1358
01:26:04.160 --> 01:26:08.200
they could kept hearing these people looking for them. And

1359
01:26:10.400 --> 01:26:13.880
then eventually the brother went out to see if everything was

1360
01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:18.000
okay, and he never came back. Well, the little girl kept

1361
01:26:18.000 --> 01:26:23.600
hiding. I think the book was called hiding from love. And we

1362
01:26:23.600 --> 01:26:25.920
don't encourage people to read other books during heartwork

1363
01:26:25.920 --> 01:26:28.160
just because we need you guys to stay in this, but you may want

1364
01:26:28.160 --> 01:26:31.560
to check that I think that's what it was called. But the

1365
01:26:31.560 --> 01:26:35.600
reason I'm telling this story is even when the bad people were

1366
01:26:35.600 --> 01:26:40.960
gone, and safe people came looking for her, she wouldn't

1367
01:26:40.960 --> 01:26:48.040
come out. Because she believed she still wasn't safe. And

1368
01:26:48.040 --> 01:26:51.240
that's what came to mind when you were telling that story. And

1369
01:26:51.280 --> 01:26:54.880
so this isn't something Danielle that you can rush. And I really

1370
01:26:54.880 --> 01:26:58.240
want to encourage you to take all the time that you need to

1371
01:26:58.240 --> 01:27:04.800
process this, and really process it the most you ever have. And

1372
01:27:04.800 --> 01:27:10.600
so for example, I really want to encourage you to forgive the

1373
01:27:10.600 --> 01:27:16.600
little girl. You, you as a little girl, you didn't know any

1374
01:27:16.600 --> 01:27:19.920
better. And what was happening to you wasn't okay. And it

1375
01:27:19.920 --> 01:27:24.080
wasn't your fault. Okay. And then even when you started to

1376
01:27:24.080 --> 01:27:27.520
participate, you know, what happens is our body starts

1377
01:27:27.520 --> 01:27:30.800
having a physical response that we are not grown up enough to

1378
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:35.280
understand. And then we don't know what to do with it. And so

1379
01:27:35.280 --> 01:27:39.920
we act out on it because we are physical beings. Until we start

1380
01:27:39.920 --> 01:27:43.800
learning that even even inside of us, like you might have known

1381
01:27:43.800 --> 01:27:46.800
it wasn't right, but like you still don't know what to do

1382
01:27:46.800 --> 01:27:50.280
about what's been awakened in your body. The Bible talks about

1383
01:27:50.280 --> 01:27:54.200
not awakening love before it's time. Okay. I really believe

1384
01:27:54.200 --> 01:27:59.040
that scripture kind of connects to this as well. So forgiving

1385
01:27:59.040 --> 01:28:02.720
the little girl you but also really asking the Lord to help

1386
01:28:02.720 --> 01:28:07.520
you kind of love that little girl in her hiding spot. Does

1387
01:28:07.520 --> 01:28:12.800
that make sense why I'm saying that? Yeah. And give her grace

1388
01:28:12.800 --> 01:28:13.720
for being there.

1389
01:28:16.080 --> 01:28:19.400
Yeah, I really want to I really want to like not be here. I'm

1390
01:28:19.400 --> 01:28:22.560
like, I'm not to be hidden. I'm not a hider. I

1391
01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:23.800
well, you're not.

1392
01:28:24.320 --> 01:28:26.960
But I am right now. I am.

1393
01:28:27.080 --> 01:28:31.280
Well, yeah. And part of that is because you're getting triggered

1394
01:28:31.280 --> 01:28:35.240
because of what you're processing. Okay. And so and

1395
01:28:35.240 --> 01:28:37.440
you might have even been there before you came into this

1396
01:28:37.440 --> 01:28:41.480
heartwork journey. But the reason that you're doing that is

1397
01:28:41.480 --> 01:28:45.040
because you need time you need to heal and and so

1398
01:28:45.280 --> 01:28:50.360
subconsciously you're shutting down and hiding because the

1399
01:28:50.360 --> 01:28:55.360
trigger the self protection mechanism is leading you to go

1400
01:28:55.360 --> 01:29:00.200
into isolation and withdraw because that's what's like your

1401
01:29:00.200 --> 01:29:04.200
psyche basically is saying this is how you're gonna stay safe.

1402
01:29:06.000 --> 01:29:09.800
Yeah. So even when everything else that you know is telling

1403
01:29:09.800 --> 01:29:12.720
you work on your business to go do these things. You know,

1404
01:29:12.720 --> 01:29:16.280
you're not afraid you're not a hider. But subconsciously,

1405
01:29:17.280 --> 01:29:22.000
you're in flight mode. And your flight mode is saying hide,

1406
01:29:22.000 --> 01:29:25.520
hide, hide. It's not safe. It's not safe. It's not safe. And so

1407
01:29:25.520 --> 01:29:30.600
you just have to really give the little girl you grace and and

1408
01:29:30.600 --> 01:29:35.480
really think of it as not bullying her. If that makes

1409
01:29:35.480 --> 01:29:40.200
sense. Like not pressuring her to come out too quickly, because

1410
01:29:40.200 --> 01:29:41.560
you need her to heal.

1411
01:29:43.880 --> 01:29:45.920
Wow, that really resonated with me.

1412
01:29:46.960 --> 01:29:50.640
Yeah. And so, you know, in that space, though, we don't want her

1413
01:29:50.640 --> 01:29:55.720
to stay there forever. But I would encourage you to ask, you

1414
01:29:55.720 --> 01:30:00.000
know, I just feel like for you, you need to just see the

1415
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.040
Lord holding you in that place? You know, you don't have to have

1416
01:30:04.040 --> 01:30:06.600
a lot of answers right now. I think you need to feel his love

1417
01:30:06.620 --> 01:30:13.600
in that hiding place. So again, like, I literally have never

1418
01:30:13.600 --> 01:30:16.360
told that story from that book in these sessions, because I

1419
01:30:16.360 --> 01:30:20.400
don't normally recommend like, or bring up outside sources, but

1420
01:30:20.640 --> 01:30:24.480
that just really resonated in my spirit as you were talking. And

1421
01:30:24.480 --> 01:30:28.640
so the people are coming and even the Lord sometimes he's

1422
01:30:28.640 --> 01:30:32.200
like, it's safe now. Yeah, but you don't believe that yet. And

1423
01:30:32.200 --> 01:30:37.160
it's okay, you will, you'll get there. And so when the lies keep

1424
01:30:37.160 --> 01:30:41.920
coming up, love yourself really well. You said the lie is I have

1425
01:30:41.920 --> 01:30:46.560
to compromise to get what I want. And so one of the things

1426
01:30:46.560 --> 01:30:49.800
you want to ask the Lord is when is the first time I believed

1427
01:30:49.800 --> 01:30:56.360
this lie? It might be the stuff with this boy, or it might be

1428
01:30:56.360 --> 01:31:00.680
before that. I think it was before. Okay, do you know what

1429
01:31:00.680 --> 01:31:01.200
it is?

1430
01:31:01.960 --> 01:31:09.360
Um, yeah, my dad used to just treat me pretty terribly. So I

1431
01:31:09.360 --> 01:31:12.680
had to, like, just lie to him until I tell him I did good

1432
01:31:12.680 --> 01:31:17.440
things and got good grades and or else I'd be willed or I was

1433
01:31:17.440 --> 01:31:20.920
very scared of my dad from very young age too. I mean, there's a

1434
01:31:20.920 --> 01:31:25.160
lot here. You know, I resonate with your story and, and a lot

1435
01:31:25.160 --> 01:31:29.000
but yeah, no, I think it's with my dad when I was even younger

1436
01:31:29.000 --> 01:31:32.200
than that, because I had a house before I lived in this house.

1437
01:31:32.360 --> 01:31:33.800
And yeah.

1438
01:31:34.360 --> 01:31:38.400
Is there a place in that house that was like your safe place?

1439
01:31:38.720 --> 01:31:43.280
Yeah, yeah, I felt safe. I felt that one too. Yeah, I actually

1440
01:31:43.280 --> 01:31:44.880
felt safe in my bedroom.

1441
01:31:45.200 --> 01:31:48.160
Okay. Was there a specific spot in your bedroom, like the

1442
01:31:48.160 --> 01:31:50.520
closet on the side of your bed?

1443
01:31:51.520 --> 01:31:55.400
I felt safe in my bed. Just being in my bed. Nobody would

1444
01:31:55.440 --> 01:31:55.720
know.

1445
01:31:56.000 --> 01:31:58.880
These are things. Yep. So these the reason I'm asking is these

1446
01:31:58.880 --> 01:32:02.480
are all things you kind of want to picture this stuff with the

1447
01:32:02.480 --> 01:32:06.760
Lord. Again, you're not pushing, you're not trying to, you know,

1448
01:32:06.760 --> 01:32:10.800
shovel things up, if you will. But you're just trying to like

1449
01:32:10.800 --> 01:32:13.480
these are things that as soon as I'm asking this stuff is coming

1450
01:32:13.480 --> 01:32:17.600
up really quick for you. So that's a that's like God's, you

1451
01:32:17.600 --> 01:32:21.560
know, kind of connecting dots very quickly. And in this memory

1452
01:32:21.560 --> 01:32:24.920
spot, if you will. And so really want to encourage you to kind of

1453
01:32:24.920 --> 01:32:29.960
even like, ask the Lord to show you a specific time that you

1454
01:32:29.960 --> 01:32:32.040
were kind of like you went to your bed, because that's where

1455
01:32:32.040 --> 01:32:37.800
you felt safe when you were hiding from something. And just

1456
01:32:37.800 --> 01:32:42.720
see what he shows you. Okay. And again, ladies, when we've gone

1457
01:32:42.720 --> 01:32:47.400
through especially if we have dads or moms, whoever, who was

1458
01:32:47.400 --> 01:32:50.480
really abusive, we might have a lot of memories of those things

1459
01:32:50.480 --> 01:32:54.880
happening. But this is where it's important to ask the Lord

1460
01:32:55.680 --> 01:33:00.960
to highlight when was the first time or what is the one that you

1461
01:33:00.960 --> 01:33:03.560
want me to remember, Lord, like where you're really just asking

1462
01:33:03.560 --> 01:33:08.040
him, because he knows what you need, like where you need the

1463
01:33:08.040 --> 01:33:11.680
revelation where you need the light of the world Jesus to come

1464
01:33:11.680 --> 01:33:16.400
in and illuminate that dark spot and bring truth to that area and

1465
01:33:16.400 --> 01:33:22.080
healing. And some of you if you don't know this already, when

1466
01:33:22.080 --> 01:33:25.080
you when you're doing this work, you're going to have good

1467
01:33:25.080 --> 01:33:32.800
memories come up to because what happens when we go into flight

1468
01:33:32.820 --> 01:33:35.280
mode or fight, you know, when we're in that place,

1469
01:33:35.320 --> 01:33:38.960
unfortunately, good memories kind of get sucked down with the

1470
01:33:38.960 --> 01:33:43.520
bad stuff. And so you might you might remember some good things

1471
01:33:43.520 --> 01:33:46.720
that you did not remember before or for a very long time.

1472
01:33:47.200 --> 01:33:51.560
And so just know that that can be very common. So love yourself

1473
01:33:51.560 --> 01:33:54.160
really well, get extra rest, Danielle, you're going to be

1474
01:33:54.160 --> 01:33:57.120
doing some really important work. Don't rush through this.

1475
01:33:57.120 --> 01:33:59.560
Okay, so you're one of the people I would recommend taking

1476
01:33:59.560 --> 01:34:02.840
a little more time. And don't worry, you won't miss out on

1477
01:34:02.840 --> 01:34:07.200
your spirit mate. I promise. Okay, we're saying that. Yeah.

1478
01:34:07.680 --> 01:34:13.680
And, you know, I took, I took my time, because I needed to when I

1479
01:34:13.680 --> 01:34:18.760
went through this program. And my, I'm not saying this will be

1480
01:34:18.760 --> 01:34:22.520
the case for everyone. But I'm just saying this can happen. My

1481
01:34:22.560 --> 01:34:27.080
time that it took to meet my husband was very accelerated,

1482
01:34:27.120 --> 01:34:32.880
very, it did not take me long to find him. And so I don't want

1483
01:34:32.880 --> 01:34:37.440
you to worry about taking the time that you need now. Because

1484
01:34:37.480 --> 01:34:42.760
that will help you later. Okay. So I'll be praying for you.

1485
01:34:42.760 --> 01:34:45.880
We're praying for you. Come in if you're struggling as you're

1486
01:34:45.880 --> 01:34:49.520
processing any of this and talk to us about it. You can talk to

1487
01:34:49.520 --> 01:34:53.360
us next week on the lives. And we want to just do our best to

1488
01:34:53.360 --> 01:34:56.080
kind of come alongside of you really well in this process.

1489
01:34:56.080 --> 01:34:59.320
Okay. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

1490
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.760
probably ladies, I know I have three more people, I can

1491
01:35:02.760 --> 01:35:06.280
probably only take one more person tonight. Just I'm trying

1492
01:35:06.280 --> 01:35:09.040
to really protect my rest as I'm still trying to recover from the

1493
01:35:09.040 --> 01:35:14.320
sickness, ladies. And so I'm going to go ahead and go to Lisa

1494
01:35:14.320 --> 01:35:17.400
first, because I see her on my screen. If I do have time,

1495
01:35:17.840 --> 01:35:20.960
depending on the conversation and coaching with Lisa, Tatiana,

1496
01:35:20.960 --> 01:35:22.200
I will come to you. Okay.

1497
01:35:23.000 --> 01:35:29.800
Okay, I think this will be very quick. Um, I, I might get a

1498
01:35:29.800 --> 01:35:31.880
little emotional. I have, um, okay.

1499
01:35:38.200 --> 01:35:41.320
The dog is the dog might start barking. Right. And the way he

1500
01:35:41.320 --> 01:35:44.520
says what's going on. He's actually, he looks very

1501
01:35:44.520 --> 01:35:47.000
concerned about me right now. Um,

1502
01:35:47.240 --> 01:35:47.960
um,

1503
01:35:49.960 --> 01:35:52.680
I think I'm seeing is that

1504
01:35:54.440 --> 01:35:56.920
I just have this real need to be in control.

1505
01:35:58.320 --> 01:36:03.840
And I really see that I really need to surrender. Because it's

1506
01:36:03.840 --> 01:36:09.520
affecting every area of my life. And I don't, I don't think I've

1507
01:36:09.520 --> 01:36:14.280
even been aware. Yeah. And I think the root of it is this

1508
01:36:14.280 --> 01:36:15.440
fear of rejection.

1509
01:36:17.240 --> 01:36:22.040
Because I have this huge need to be understood and heard. And I

1510
01:36:22.040 --> 01:36:25.120
don't want to be misconceived. That's part of it. That's not

1511
01:36:25.120 --> 01:36:28.960
the big thing. But I see it a lot in my coaching with you,

1512
01:36:28.960 --> 01:36:33.600
actually. And I like I just don't want to be misunderstood.

1513
01:36:33.600 --> 01:36:37.120
And I'm always rushing myself to say everything because I feel

1514
01:36:37.120 --> 01:36:42.160
like I want to just be mindful of the time, you know. And I'm

1515
01:36:42.160 --> 01:36:45.920
also a really detailed person. So I feel like it's a detail

1516
01:36:45.920 --> 01:36:49.360
like it, you know, it's important to me for whatever

1517
01:36:49.360 --> 01:36:51.960
reason. And then, um,

1518
01:37:07.000 --> 01:37:12.720
So do you feel sad because you are upset with yourself for

1519
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:16.400
feeling this way? Or tell me tell me what the sadness is

1520
01:37:16.400 --> 01:37:16.760
about.

1521
01:37:16.800 --> 01:37:21.760
Well, one thing that's coming up is that, you know, I'm, I had

1522
01:37:21.760 --> 01:37:25.360
this really great phone call. And this lady gave me three

1523
01:37:25.960 --> 01:37:30.080
referrals to talk to these different people. And yeah, for

1524
01:37:30.080 --> 01:37:32.800
this job that I really want, like I would move and

1525
01:37:32.800 --> 01:37:35.880
everything. And I've journaled a lot about this. And God keeps

1526
01:37:35.880 --> 01:37:38.720
telling me like, everything you're, you're looking for Lisa

1527
01:37:39.080 --> 01:37:44.200
is on the other side of this. And, um, and I've journaled

1528
01:37:44.200 --> 01:37:46.800
several times and I've, you know, I've circled back and

1529
01:37:46.800 --> 01:37:49.400
reread and I haven't read lately. But you know, when I did

1530
01:37:49.400 --> 01:37:53.680
all that, that, um, the thing, the thing that is interesting is

1531
01:37:53.680 --> 01:37:58.160
like, I talk a lot to chat GPT to try to figure out how to, you

1532
01:37:58.160 --> 01:38:02.120
know, get these emails the right way or whatever, you know, and I

1533
01:38:02.120 --> 01:38:04.960
don't always agree with chat GPT. Like, I'll be like, well, I

1534
01:38:04.960 --> 01:38:07.280
don't like how that sounds. That's too forward or this or

1535
01:38:07.280 --> 01:38:11.600
whatever. But it's interesting. I bring this up because one

1536
01:38:11.600 --> 01:38:16.160
thing chat GPT told me, they do keep track of you like, you

1537
01:38:16.160 --> 01:38:20.240
know, and it said, you know, something to the degree of the

1538
01:38:20.240 --> 01:38:25.520
fact that I seem to want to get all my answers right away. And

1539
01:38:25.520 --> 01:38:28.120
then it's like, you kind of got to ask one question and then

1540
01:38:28.120 --> 01:38:30.960
wait for the reply and then do this. But I want to get

1541
01:38:30.960 --> 01:38:34.760
everything out at one time. I don't know why I think it's a

1542
01:38:34.760 --> 01:38:37.280
control thing. Maybe I don't the Lord's gonna have to

1543
01:38:37.280 --> 01:38:39.800
highlight to me because one thing I have to be very careful

1544
01:38:39.800 --> 01:38:44.920
of that I'm becoming aware of is that I want to cycle analyze

1545
01:38:44.920 --> 01:38:47.520
and figure it out. And and I think that's part of the

1546
01:38:47.520 --> 01:38:50.560
control. And then there's no room for God because I'm not

1547
01:38:50.560 --> 01:38:54.080
surrendering. You know, and I think that's where the pain is.

1548
01:38:54.080 --> 01:38:59.800
Like I'm because I see that I'm getting in the way of my growth

1549
01:38:59.800 --> 01:39:04.240
because only the Lord can really show me the roots of

1550
01:39:04.240 --> 01:39:05.720
anything, right?

1551
01:39:06.400 --> 01:39:10.040
Yeah, I'm looking up something because I want to I literally

1552
01:39:10.040 --> 01:39:15.120
was talking, coaching someone today on over explaining. It's

1553
01:39:15.120 --> 01:39:18.400
something I've also struggled with. And for whatever reason,

1554
01:39:18.400 --> 01:39:21.200
that's coming to mind. I feel like it does go with what you

1555
01:39:21.200 --> 01:39:25.280
were saying the need to be heard and not misunderstood. So we

1556
01:39:25.280 --> 01:39:28.360
will tend to like over explain, let me find this thing because I

1557
01:39:28.360 --> 01:39:33.480
think it's going to really resonate for you. Give me one

1558
01:39:33.480 --> 01:39:44.200
second. Okay, so one of the things explaining a lot, you

1559
01:39:44.200 --> 01:39:46.840
know, if we're worried about being rejected or

1560
01:39:46.840 --> 01:39:53.040
misunderstood, often trace back to insecurity, or things that we

1561
01:39:53.040 --> 01:39:58.280
learned growing up, for example, sometimes because our feelings

1562
01:39:58.280 --> 01:40:00.200
or desires were not valid.

1563
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.880
dated when we were young, we learned to deflect.

1564
01:40:04.880 --> 01:40:06.880
It also can come from environments

1565
01:40:06.880 --> 01:40:10.380
where being fully heard felt unsafe,

1566
01:40:10.380 --> 01:40:12.400
where we had to justify ourselves

1567
01:40:12.400 --> 01:40:15.400
to avoid conflict or punishment,

1568
01:40:15.400 --> 01:40:20.400
or where love felt conditional on being right or agreeable.

1569
01:40:22.340 --> 01:40:24.560
For some, over-explaining is a way

1570
01:40:24.560 --> 01:40:26.640
of trying to earn understanding

1571
01:40:26.640 --> 01:40:29.740
we're afraid we won't otherwise receive.

1572
01:40:31.000 --> 01:40:31.840
Okay?

1573
01:40:32.680 --> 01:40:35.400
So I know that was kind of a lot really quick,

1574
01:40:35.400 --> 01:40:40.000
but when we try to control

1575
01:40:40.000 --> 01:40:42.200
because we're afraid we're gonna be rejected

1576
01:40:42.200 --> 01:40:43.440
on one level or another,

1577
01:40:43.440 --> 01:40:46.560
however the control comes out,

1578
01:40:46.560 --> 01:40:48.600
like in this case, over-explaining,

1579
01:40:48.600 --> 01:40:51.440
or trying to make sure we don't miss any detail,

1580
01:40:51.440 --> 01:40:53.960
or asking too many questions all at once,

1581
01:40:53.960 --> 01:40:56.480
or whatever that looks like, okay?

1582
01:40:56.960 --> 01:41:01.960
At the core, oftentimes is insecurity

1583
01:41:02.760 --> 01:41:06.040
or not feeling heard or validated

1584
01:41:06.040 --> 01:41:08.040
in some way when we were younger,

1585
01:41:08.040 --> 01:41:10.200
or even over the years,

1586
01:41:10.200 --> 01:41:13.200
when we really needed to be validated, okay?

1587
01:41:13.200 --> 01:41:14.200
Yeah.

1588
01:41:14.200 --> 01:41:16.040
And so I would encourage you,

1589
01:41:16.040 --> 01:41:18.320
the pain that you're feeling on this is real,

1590
01:41:18.320 --> 01:41:21.640
it feels very deep,

1591
01:41:21.640 --> 01:41:24.080
so that's why I asked you,

1592
01:41:24.920 --> 01:41:28.480
like what is the sadness connecting to?

1593
01:41:28.480 --> 01:41:29.760
You know, like in you,

1594
01:41:29.760 --> 01:41:32.880
because you feel sad because you're realizing

1595
01:41:32.880 --> 01:41:35.160
maybe you struggle with control,

1596
01:41:35.160 --> 01:41:36.640
and you need to surrender,

1597
01:41:36.640 --> 01:41:38.000
but you're struggling to surrender,

1598
01:41:38.000 --> 01:41:42.120
and so those are all very good self-awareness things,

1599
01:41:42.120 --> 01:41:45.120
but I really encourage you to ask the Lord,

1600
01:41:45.120 --> 01:41:46.800
what is the root,

1601
01:41:47.720 --> 01:41:50.040
like what's the sadness linked to?

1602
01:41:51.680 --> 01:41:52.960
Does that make sense?

1603
01:41:53.000 --> 01:41:54.920
Yeah, my gut,

1604
01:41:54.920 --> 01:41:59.000
without knowing really directly from the Lord is,

1605
01:41:59.000 --> 01:42:00.720
I think it was just,

1606
01:42:02.800 --> 01:42:06.400
my parents, I've gone back to that so many times,

1607
01:42:06.400 --> 01:42:08.920
but they split up when I was 15,

1608
01:42:08.920 --> 01:42:10.640
and I didn't live with either of them

1609
01:42:10.640 --> 01:42:12.160
for my last years of high school,

1610
01:42:12.160 --> 01:42:14.760
and I needed them more than I realized,

1611
01:42:14.760 --> 01:42:15.760
and I was the one,

1612
01:42:15.760 --> 01:42:17.960
my dad said, you're gonna have to go with one of us,

1613
01:42:17.960 --> 01:42:19.480
because my dad got a job promotion

1614
01:42:19.480 --> 01:42:20.960
three months after my mom left,

1615
01:42:20.960 --> 01:42:22.800
and my dad didn't see that promotion coming,

1616
01:42:23.760 --> 01:42:26.720
he had to uproot and leave two hours,

1617
01:42:26.720 --> 01:42:28.800
or hour and a half, two hours away,

1618
01:42:28.800 --> 01:42:30.880
and I remember putting my foot down and saying,

1619
01:42:30.880 --> 01:42:32.040
I'm not going with either one of you,

1620
01:42:32.040 --> 01:42:33.640
I'm gonna go get my own apartment,

1621
01:42:33.640 --> 01:42:35.600
not even knowing how I was gonna do that,

1622
01:42:35.600 --> 01:42:38.040
but I was just like, that was it,

1623
01:42:38.040 --> 01:42:40.120
and I was a really good kid up until,

1624
01:42:40.120 --> 01:42:41.600
I mean, the last year was the hardest,

1625
01:42:41.600 --> 01:42:42.760
because my parents didn't talk

1626
01:42:42.760 --> 01:42:44.400
the whole last year of their marriage,

1627
01:42:44.400 --> 01:42:46.160
and I witnessed that,

1628
01:42:46.160 --> 01:42:49.480
and I think that was my way of needing to be in control,

1629
01:42:49.480 --> 01:42:52.120
and then also, I remember my friends

1630
01:42:52.120 --> 01:42:53.440
just being really important to me,

1631
01:42:53.440 --> 01:42:55.440
I grew up in a town when there was one high school,

1632
01:42:55.440 --> 01:42:57.880
everybody went to elementary school,

1633
01:42:57.880 --> 01:42:58.880
I was in high school,

1634
01:42:58.880 --> 01:43:00.640
and when you're 15, I think,

1635
01:43:00.640 --> 01:43:03.840
at least for me, and I think most teenagers,

1636
01:43:03.840 --> 01:43:05.160
they just think at some point,

1637
01:43:05.160 --> 01:43:07.200
like, their parents know nothing,

1638
01:43:07.200 --> 01:43:09.160
and they know everything,

1639
01:43:09.160 --> 01:43:10.960
and all that matters is your friends,

1640
01:43:10.960 --> 01:43:14.360
and so, but so here I found myself

1641
01:43:14.360 --> 01:43:15.600
living with the first family,

1642
01:43:15.600 --> 01:43:17.440
and the most depressed I'd ever been,

1643
01:43:17.440 --> 01:43:19.080
I should have been on antidepressants,

1644
01:43:19.080 --> 01:43:21.920
but I didn't believe in antidepressants,

1645
01:43:22.920 --> 01:43:25.040
I just realized how much I needed my parents,

1646
01:43:25.040 --> 01:43:27.040
and I didn't have them, you know?

1647
01:43:27.040 --> 01:43:28.960
So did you ever tell them that you needed them

1648
01:43:28.960 --> 01:43:31.240
when you realized that, or no?

1649
01:43:31.240 --> 01:43:32.320
I don't think so,

1650
01:43:32.320 --> 01:43:35.200
I remember supporting my mom on the other end of the phone,

1651
01:43:35.200 --> 01:43:37.040
like, her crying, and me consoling her,

1652
01:43:37.040 --> 01:43:38.600
so the roles were very reversed,

1653
01:43:38.600 --> 01:43:41.920
and my dad was an alcoholic, you know,

1654
01:43:41.920 --> 01:43:43.400
but he was the one paying the bills,

1655
01:43:43.400 --> 01:43:44.760
he came to visit me every month,

1656
01:43:44.760 --> 01:43:47.560
like, my dad really pulled through, you know,

1657
01:43:47.560 --> 01:43:51.080
like, I mean, I'll never forget that, you know,

1658
01:43:51.080 --> 01:43:52.560
and I know it's a parent's duty,

1659
01:43:52.560 --> 01:43:54.440
but my mom did the opposite,

1660
01:43:54.440 --> 01:43:56.480
like, she didn't do anything, you know?

1661
01:43:56.480 --> 01:43:57.680
Yeah, remind me, Lisa,

1662
01:43:57.680 --> 01:44:02.680
did you ever forgive yourself for moving out on your own?

1663
01:44:03.120 --> 01:44:05.400
Well, just to let you know,

1664
01:44:05.400 --> 01:44:08.640
my parents had dinner with a neighbor around the corner,

1665
01:44:08.640 --> 01:44:09.840
that used to be one,

1666
01:44:09.840 --> 01:44:13.040
one of their oldest kids was my brother's best friend,

1667
01:44:13.040 --> 01:44:14.520
and we had known them for years,

1668
01:44:14.520 --> 01:44:16.120
but I didn't really know them,

1669
01:44:16.120 --> 01:44:16.960
I mean, I knew them,

1670
01:44:16.960 --> 01:44:19.280
but their kids were older than me,

1671
01:44:19.320 --> 01:44:23.520
so, you know, they just, I don't know,

1672
01:44:23.520 --> 01:44:25.400
they said, we don't know what we're gonna do with Lisa,

1673
01:44:25.400 --> 01:44:27.240
this is what she's telling us,

1674
01:44:27.240 --> 01:44:28.600
and three days later,

1675
01:44:28.600 --> 01:44:30.240
I didn't know any of this had gone on,

1676
01:44:30.240 --> 01:44:32.760
and three days later, they had come by our house,

1677
01:44:32.760 --> 01:44:34.720
I wasn't even there when that happened,

1678
01:44:34.720 --> 01:44:36.440
and said, you know, we've really thought about this,

1679
01:44:36.440 --> 01:44:38.760
and we would love for Lisa to come live with us,

1680
01:44:38.760 --> 01:44:41.120
and so I did, you know,

1681
01:44:41.120 --> 01:44:44.320
and yeah, it was a whole different ballgame,

1682
01:44:44.320 --> 01:44:47.960
you know, being with a family who ran very differently,

1683
01:44:47.960 --> 01:44:49.640
and I had to grow up fast,

1684
01:44:49.640 --> 01:44:51.280
I had to grow up fast, you know,

1685
01:44:51.280 --> 01:44:53.320
I just, because I had to learn things,

1686
01:44:53.320 --> 01:44:54.920
I mean, I was very spoiled,

1687
01:44:54.920 --> 01:44:57.400
and so, you know, and I was in a family

1688
01:44:57.400 --> 01:45:00.160
that was very conservative with, you know, everything.

1689
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.580
with how they spent money, everything, you know,

1690
01:45:02.580 --> 01:45:05.720
and it's just, I was 15, you know,

1691
01:45:05.720 --> 01:45:08.460
and it was really good for me in so many ways,

1692
01:45:08.460 --> 01:45:10.120
but also really hard.

1693
01:45:10.120 --> 01:45:12.040
So here's the key though,

1694
01:45:12.040 --> 01:45:14.800
even though you ended up with that other family,

1695
01:45:15.720 --> 01:45:17.800
you finally stood up,

1696
01:45:17.800 --> 01:45:20.360
and it sounds like even though you said,

1697
01:45:20.360 --> 01:45:21.640
so you were a good kid until then,

1698
01:45:21.640 --> 01:45:23.200
and I think that was true,

1699
01:45:23.200 --> 01:45:24.600
but I think you were a good kid

1700
01:45:24.600 --> 01:45:28.080
that was seeing things in your family that weren't adding up

1701
01:45:28.080 --> 01:45:30.800
and you probably felt a lot of different things about that

1702
01:45:30.800 --> 01:45:33.560
because to me, if dad is putting pressure on

1703
01:45:33.560 --> 01:45:34.640
and he's like, you gotta choose

1704
01:45:34.640 --> 01:45:36.180
who you're gonna live with,

1705
01:45:36.180 --> 01:45:40.280
a lot of girls would choose their mom.

1706
01:45:40.280 --> 01:45:41.640
Oh yeah, not me.

1707
01:45:41.640 --> 01:45:42.800
I mean, sorry.

1708
01:45:42.800 --> 01:45:44.320
No, and I don't mean that bad,

1709
01:45:44.320 --> 01:45:45.440
but that's what I'm saying,

1710
01:45:45.440 --> 01:45:48.800
like you felt really cornered

1711
01:45:48.800 --> 01:45:52.120
and I think you finally stood up for yourself

1712
01:45:52.120 --> 01:45:55.040
and I'm just asking you,

1713
01:45:55.040 --> 01:45:56.600
I don't think you did something wrong,

1714
01:45:56.600 --> 01:45:58.920
I think you did something really great,

1715
01:45:58.920 --> 01:46:01.320
but I'm wondering if,

1716
01:46:02.600 --> 01:46:04.960
because from that point on,

1717
01:46:04.960 --> 01:46:08.720
you realized how much you needed your parents,

1718
01:46:08.720 --> 01:46:10.440
but yet they weren't healthy,

1719
01:46:11.720 --> 01:46:14.200
so I'm just wondering if there's any guilt

1720
01:46:14.200 --> 01:46:16.520
still lingering on the inside of you

1721
01:46:16.520 --> 01:46:18.440
that you might need to just,

1722
01:46:18.440 --> 01:46:20.600
and again, you don't have to answer tonight,

1723
01:46:20.600 --> 01:46:22.280
but I would just bring into it

1724
01:46:22.320 --> 01:46:24.320
just to make sure,

1725
01:46:24.320 --> 01:46:27.200
regarding the control,

1726
01:46:27.200 --> 01:46:29.760
the best coaching I have for you

1727
01:46:29.760 --> 01:46:32.560
is just relinquish it,

1728
01:46:32.560 --> 01:46:34.240
just relinquish it, Lisa,

1729
01:46:34.240 --> 01:46:36.200
because here's the thing,

1730
01:46:36.200 --> 01:46:38.120
people are going to reject us,

1731
01:46:39.040 --> 01:46:42.760
they are, it's inevitable, okay?

1732
01:46:43.880 --> 01:46:46.560
I promise, like it's not easy,

1733
01:46:46.560 --> 01:46:48.000
but the reality is,

1734
01:46:48.000 --> 01:46:50.600
is we're all gonna face rejection at some point

1735
01:46:52.280 --> 01:46:54.800
and so the thing that we fear

1736
01:46:54.800 --> 01:46:56.440
sometimes is gonna come upon us,

1737
01:46:56.440 --> 01:46:58.520
as like Job talks about,

1738
01:46:58.520 --> 01:47:01.720
God does his best to protect us from those things,

1739
01:47:01.720 --> 01:47:03.000
but the reality is,

1740
01:47:03.000 --> 01:47:07.160
is that control is an illusion.

1741
01:47:07.160 --> 01:47:08.000
Totally.

1742
01:47:09.120 --> 01:47:12.000
And so we might as well just let the illusion go

1743
01:47:12.000 --> 01:47:14.840
and surrender and wave the white flag

1744
01:47:14.840 --> 01:47:18.760
and say, Lord, I surrender,

1745
01:47:18.760 --> 01:47:20.680
help me to let go of controlling,

1746
01:47:20.680 --> 01:47:24.120
help me to let go of what people think about me,

1747
01:47:24.120 --> 01:47:26.880
help me to let go of feeling like I have to,

1748
01:47:26.880 --> 01:47:27.720
how did you,

1749
01:47:30.080 --> 01:47:32.400
worrying about not being understood

1750
01:47:32.400 --> 01:47:33.920
or being misunderstood,

1751
01:47:33.920 --> 01:47:36.320
you know, whatever again that is for you

1752
01:47:37.520 --> 01:47:40.160
and really partner with that permission slip,

1753
01:47:40.160 --> 01:47:42.160
you remember in week one?

1754
01:47:42.160 --> 01:47:43.200
I have to go back,

1755
01:47:43.200 --> 01:47:44.480
that's the other thing too,

1756
01:47:44.480 --> 01:47:45.800
you know, just to let you know,

1757
01:47:45.800 --> 01:47:48.080
like I keep coming to these calls

1758
01:47:48.080 --> 01:47:49.800
thinking like I'm engaged,

1759
01:47:49.800 --> 01:47:50.640
when I am.

1760
01:47:50.640 --> 01:47:51.960
You're really engaged, yeah, you are.

1761
01:47:51.960 --> 01:47:53.920
Yeah, it's like I haven't gone back

1762
01:47:53.920 --> 01:47:55.400
to any of those paperworks,

1763
01:47:55.400 --> 01:47:56.680
you know, like the sheets

1764
01:47:56.680 --> 01:47:57.880
and I haven't been,

1765
01:47:57.880 --> 01:47:59.480
and I'm like, wait, what am I doing?

1766
01:47:59.480 --> 01:48:01.120
I thought I'm like, you know,

1767
01:48:01.120 --> 01:48:03.200
cause I'm in this a lot of change right now

1768
01:48:03.200 --> 01:48:05.800
with potentially moving and preparing

1769
01:48:05.800 --> 01:48:08.480
and my focus is over on something else,

1770
01:48:08.480 --> 01:48:09.320
you know what I mean?

1771
01:48:09.320 --> 01:48:11.320
So where are you at in the coursework?

1772
01:48:11.320 --> 01:48:12.760
Well, I am finished it,

1773
01:48:12.760 --> 01:48:14.760
but here's one thing I haven't finished

1774
01:48:14.760 --> 01:48:15.960
and this is kind of crazy

1775
01:48:15.960 --> 01:48:18.480
because I keep noticing

1776
01:48:18.480 --> 01:48:20.960
that I move this paperwork around a lot

1777
01:48:20.960 --> 01:48:22.520
and it's the forgiveness sheets.

1778
01:48:22.520 --> 01:48:24.080
I've done a lot of them,

1779
01:48:24.080 --> 01:48:25.760
but I have a bag of rocks,

1780
01:48:25.760 --> 01:48:27.560
remember how people would throw rocks

1781
01:48:27.560 --> 01:48:29.200
into the water to,

1782
01:48:29.200 --> 01:48:30.320
I just collected a bag

1783
01:48:30.320 --> 01:48:32.160
and I am literally moving that bag

1784
01:48:32.160 --> 01:48:33.360
and I'm like, oh my gosh,

1785
01:48:33.360 --> 01:48:34.440
this is hysterical.

1786
01:48:34.440 --> 01:48:36.720
Like I, it is so in my face

1787
01:48:36.720 --> 01:48:38.800
that I am not, I'm not.

1788
01:48:38.800 --> 01:48:40.520
So in a sense, okay,

1789
01:48:40.520 --> 01:48:42.080
let's look at this ladies,

1790
01:48:42.080 --> 01:48:43.040
this is really important.

1791
01:48:43.040 --> 01:48:44.680
I want you to know you're not alone.

1792
01:48:44.680 --> 01:48:45.680
Do you know how many people

1793
01:48:45.680 --> 01:48:47.920
actually message that the forgiveness

1794
01:48:47.960 --> 01:48:50.360
is like the thing that they're hung up on?

1795
01:48:50.360 --> 01:48:51.240
Okay.

1796
01:48:51.240 --> 01:48:52.720
I had a lady stay

1797
01:48:52.720 --> 01:48:54.000
and I'm not saying you should do this,

1798
01:48:54.000 --> 01:48:55.680
but I had a lady stay in Hartwork

1799
01:48:55.680 --> 01:48:57.600
an extra year

1800
01:48:57.600 --> 01:49:01.080
because she just did not want to forgive her ex-husband

1801
01:49:01.080 --> 01:49:03.760
and she confessed it over and over.

1802
01:49:03.760 --> 01:49:05.160
I don't want to forgive him.

1803
01:49:06.160 --> 01:49:08.200
So, you know, it took her a while to get there.

1804
01:49:08.200 --> 01:49:09.320
So here's the thing,

1805
01:49:09.320 --> 01:49:10.800
you've collected these rocks,

1806
01:49:10.800 --> 01:49:12.240
you have these sheets,

1807
01:49:12.240 --> 01:49:14.880
you're talking about letting go of control.

1808
01:49:15.720 --> 01:49:18.240
So think about this.

1809
01:49:18.240 --> 01:49:22.080
This is a version of having control.

1810
01:49:23.000 --> 01:49:24.360
If you look at it.

1811
01:49:24.360 --> 01:49:27.400
So I encourage you this week

1812
01:49:27.400 --> 01:49:29.840
to take those rocks

1813
01:49:29.840 --> 01:49:31.480
and find a pond

1814
01:49:31.480 --> 01:49:33.600
and let those suckers go

1815
01:49:33.600 --> 01:49:36.200
and, you know, release these people,

1816
01:49:37.160 --> 01:49:40.240
you know, work on the forgiveness sheets.

1817
01:49:40.240 --> 01:49:41.400
And here's the other thing

1818
01:49:41.400 --> 01:49:42.960
I really want you to pray into,

1819
01:49:43.040 --> 01:49:45.800
are you actually afraid to move forward?

1820
01:49:47.800 --> 01:49:49.760
You don't have to answer now,

1821
01:49:49.760 --> 01:49:53.120
but a lot of people that don't finish,

1822
01:49:53.120 --> 01:49:54.720
they finish the coursework,

1823
01:49:54.720 --> 01:49:57.560
but they have a couple little things,

1824
01:49:57.560 --> 01:50:00.200
which tends to be the forgiveness sheets.

1825
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.680
This is very common.

1826
01:50:02.680 --> 01:50:08.060
They don't do those because what actually is underlying is either, A, they don't want

1827
01:50:08.060 --> 01:50:15.120
to forgive somebody, they just don't want to, or B, they're afraid to actually move

1828
01:50:15.120 --> 01:50:16.120
forward.

1829
01:50:16.120 --> 01:50:20.360
So really bring into that and let's see what comes up for you.

1830
01:50:20.360 --> 01:50:23.080
Yeah, I did want to give you some added information.

1831
01:50:23.080 --> 01:50:29.400
I have written a lot of forgiveness sheets, and I have experienced forgiveness in the

1832
01:50:29.400 --> 01:50:30.400
process.

1833
01:50:30.400 --> 01:50:35.520
But some of it still comes back and then I haven't forgiven them and I'm like, I'll

1834
01:50:35.520 --> 01:50:36.520
get reminded.

1835
01:50:36.520 --> 01:50:37.520
Well, you have.

1836
01:50:37.520 --> 01:50:38.520
You have.

1837
01:50:38.520 --> 01:50:41.360
Remember, there's layers to forgiveness, okay?

1838
01:50:41.360 --> 01:50:45.800
Yeah, I think that's what I think I expected it to be a one and done.

1839
01:50:45.800 --> 01:50:49.800
And it's it most times it's not going to be okay.

1840
01:50:49.800 --> 01:50:53.640
So that's why when we do the forgiveness prayer sheets, we want to be really specific about

1841
01:50:53.640 --> 01:50:55.240
what we're forgiving.

1842
01:50:55.240 --> 01:50:58.040
Okay, so not a general offense.

1843
01:50:58.040 --> 01:50:59.040
We want to get specific.

1844
01:50:59.040 --> 01:51:02.040
Yeah, I've been good at that.

1845
01:51:02.040 --> 01:51:03.040
I did.

1846
01:51:03.040 --> 01:51:04.040
I'm dog sitting.

1847
01:51:04.040 --> 01:51:05.040
I brought the sheets with me.

1848
01:51:05.040 --> 01:51:06.040
Yeah.

1849
01:51:06.040 --> 01:51:08.200
And ladies, here's the thing.

1850
01:51:08.200 --> 01:51:14.240
Some of you are waiting because you think you have to do this perfectly.

1851
01:51:14.240 --> 01:51:18.520
Lisa, I would say you're probably in that boat.

1852
01:51:18.520 --> 01:51:22.940
I wouldn't say you're probably 100% right.

1853
01:51:22.940 --> 01:51:27.200
And you're going to have hard work to do as you go forward.

1854
01:51:28.160 --> 01:51:32.000
I still have hard work that I do all the time.

1855
01:51:32.000 --> 01:51:36.360
Life brings hard work opportunities to us, okay?

1856
01:51:36.360 --> 01:51:38.640
And so there is no perfect.

1857
01:51:38.640 --> 01:51:43.840
There is no like, oh, I have to have done every single sheet.

1858
01:51:43.840 --> 01:51:47.440
You're going to do forgiveness prayer sheets, hopefully, even as you move forward and you

1859
01:51:47.440 --> 01:51:52.400
go on a date and the guys, not all men are bad, but ladies, some of you are going to

1860
01:51:52.400 --> 01:51:56.640
go on some dates and there's going to be some guys that are going to be jerks, okay?

1861
01:51:56.640 --> 01:51:58.240
I was going to let the cat out of the bag.

1862
01:51:58.240 --> 01:52:01.240
It's going to happen, okay?

1863
01:52:01.240 --> 01:52:05.160
But there's going to be some really awesome guys too.

1864
01:52:05.160 --> 01:52:09.960
And hopefully you'll focus more on that than the guys that still need healing because that's

1865
01:52:09.960 --> 01:52:11.840
the reality.

1866
01:52:11.840 --> 01:52:13.800
And you just bless people and move on.

1867
01:52:13.800 --> 01:52:15.760
So Lisa, pray into those things.

1868
01:52:15.760 --> 01:52:19.960
We're cheering you on and you know, you're doing a great job.

1869
01:52:19.960 --> 01:52:25.600
So just give yourself permission to let go, to move forward, to not be perfect, to know

1870
01:52:25.600 --> 01:52:30.040
that we love you, we see you, we hear you, and we're cheering you on.

1871
01:52:30.040 --> 01:52:32.040
Like you've got this.

1872
01:52:32.040 --> 01:52:38.080
And I think there's so many, many, like so, so many good things ahead for you.

1873
01:52:38.080 --> 01:52:45.880
And part of, part of stepping into our, the fullness of tomorrow is giving ourself permission

1874
01:52:45.880 --> 01:52:46.880
to move forward.

1875
01:52:46.880 --> 01:52:47.880
Okay?

1876
01:52:47.880 --> 01:52:48.880
Yeah.

1877
01:52:48.880 --> 01:52:49.880
Yeah.

1878
01:52:49.880 --> 01:52:55.640
And a lot of grief because I can see how this has really affected my life.

1879
01:52:55.640 --> 01:52:56.720
It's not just one thing.

1880
01:52:56.720 --> 01:53:01.720
It's all like coming up, but I think the Lord is, I know he's allowing it to heal me.

1881
01:53:01.720 --> 01:53:09.160
So that's, you know, he loves you, he loves all of you and he loves me and he loves us

1882
01:53:09.160 --> 01:53:14.440
so much that he doesn't want us to stay broken, stuck.

1883
01:53:14.440 --> 01:53:17.400
He doesn't want us to believe that we're abandoned.

1884
01:53:17.400 --> 01:53:20.360
I was talking to the young lady, the last thing I'll share with you all, and then I'm

1885
01:53:20.360 --> 01:53:21.360
going to start to close.

1886
01:53:21.360 --> 01:53:23.360
Tatiana, I'm sorry, I didn't get to you.

1887
01:53:23.360 --> 01:53:25.040
Debra, I saw your hand up.

1888
01:53:25.040 --> 01:53:28.680
Please come in the group and tell us, I see Joy's hand up now, tell us what you were going

1889
01:53:28.680 --> 01:53:29.680
to share.

1890
01:53:29.680 --> 01:53:30.680
Okay.

1891
01:53:30.680 --> 01:53:31.680
We can give you feedback there.

1892
01:53:31.680 --> 01:53:36.000
But one of the last things I'll share with you, I think I told you guys last week, we've

1893
01:53:36.000 --> 01:53:39.000
been going through a lot of stuff with some people in our church, and I feel like I'm

1894
01:53:39.000 --> 01:53:43.960
always saying that we just, we came into a church where we're trying to change culture.

1895
01:53:43.960 --> 01:53:47.360
We have a lot of people that have, you know, dealt with a lot of religion.

1896
01:53:47.360 --> 01:53:50.680
And so it's never an easy shift.

1897
01:53:50.680 --> 01:53:52.080
Okay.

1898
01:53:52.080 --> 01:53:54.520
Saying all that to say, we've been walking through a bunch of stuff.

1899
01:53:54.520 --> 01:53:57.240
Our office coordinator was on vacation for two weeks.

1900
01:53:57.240 --> 01:54:01.240
So praise the Lord, God protected her from having to walk through all of that at the

1901
01:54:01.240 --> 01:54:02.840
same time with us.

1902
01:54:02.840 --> 01:54:06.760
But I had to catch her up on some things today.

1903
01:54:06.760 --> 01:54:11.640
And the reason I'm bringing this up is because when I was talking to her today and just letting

1904
01:54:11.680 --> 01:54:17.080
her know, like, hey, you know, Pastor Brian and I have had two weeks to process this.

1905
01:54:17.080 --> 01:54:19.600
You're just learning about all of this today.

1906
01:54:19.600 --> 01:54:23.240
And so I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk about it, all the things.

1907
01:54:23.240 --> 01:54:28.660
And I said, I just want you to know that we're okay and we're not going anywhere.

1908
01:54:28.660 --> 01:54:32.000
And she sighed and she said, thank God.

1909
01:54:32.000 --> 01:54:35.760
She's like, I had this dream when I was on vacation that you guys said you were going

1910
01:54:35.760 --> 01:54:36.960
to move.

1911
01:54:36.960 --> 01:54:46.280
And I was so afraid because I feel like everybody abandons me because the prior pastor left

1912
01:54:46.280 --> 01:54:52.000
and other people in her life, like her dad, left her, you know.

1913
01:54:52.000 --> 01:54:57.200
And so, ladies, I'm giving this as another example, like how much the enemy tries to

1914
01:54:57.200 --> 01:55:00.040
convince us that even.

1915
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.960
God abandons us. Because at the core, that's something she's struggling with and so many of us

1916
01:55:05.600 --> 01:55:12.800
struggle with. So if you struggle with abandonment or neglect, y'all, it's going to show up in a lot

1917
01:55:12.800 --> 01:55:19.040
of different ways, okay? So pray into that. Ask God to show you the first time you believe that

1918
01:55:19.040 --> 01:55:23.520
He abandoned you or neglected you. Not just your parents, not just these people,

1919
01:55:24.080 --> 01:55:31.840
but God Himself. God can handle it. He has big shoulders, okay? I promise. He's not going to

1920
01:55:31.840 --> 01:55:38.880
be mad at you. He loves you and He's drawing you to Himself. Remember His loving kindness?

1921
01:55:40.160 --> 01:55:45.280
That's what leads us to repentance, ladies. So Lisa, loving kindness is what's going to lead

1922
01:55:45.280 --> 01:55:51.680
you to letting go of control as well. So again, take this, ladies. Process these things.

1923
01:55:52.160 --> 01:55:55.600
Praying for you all. I'm going to go ahead and pray this out, but I'll see you all in the group

1924
01:55:55.600 --> 01:56:00.640
as well. Come to women's prayer as much as you can, ladies, okay? Even if you are at work and

1925
01:56:00.640 --> 01:56:06.160
you can't talk, but you can listen in. I really believe it'll be a blessing to you. All right,

1926
01:56:06.160 --> 01:56:10.960
Father, thank you so much for everything that you accomplished tonight, even in people's hearts that

1927
01:56:10.960 --> 01:56:15.920
maybe they couldn't speak out. God, people that were chiming in in the chat, people that had their

1928
01:56:15.920 --> 01:56:20.000
hands raised, but they couldn't share their stories. God, I know the breakthrough is evident.

1929
01:56:20.000 --> 01:56:24.400
God, you're working in their lives. God, even in areas where they've gone through hardship in the

1930
01:56:24.400 --> 01:56:30.480
last week, and God, maybe even abandonment, rejection, fear, whatever has come up. God,

1931
01:56:30.480 --> 01:56:35.840
we just ask you to calm the storm. We thank you for placing the balm of Gilead upon our hearts,

1932
01:56:35.840 --> 01:56:40.080
God, for doing the supernatural work while we sleep, not just in our physical bodies,

1933
01:56:40.080 --> 01:56:44.640
but in our emotional being down in the depths of our soul. God, we thank you for

1934
01:56:45.120 --> 01:56:50.880
Jesus, who is our savior. Jesus, thank you for coming and allowing your body to be shed,

1935
01:56:51.440 --> 01:56:55.120
or excuse me, your blood to be shed and your body to be broken for the forgiveness of our sins,

1936
01:56:55.120 --> 01:56:59.360
for our healing, for our redemption. I thank you, God, that you don't leave us the way that you

1937
01:56:59.360 --> 01:57:04.240
found us, God, that you're always drawing us to the fullness of your plan and purpose for us.

1938
01:57:04.240 --> 01:57:10.320
Help us to take another step towards that again tonight and the days to come in Jesus' name.

1939
01:57:10.320 --> 01:57:15.280
Amen. God bless you, everyone. Have a good night. Bye.