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Yeah, so we'll go ahead and do that, and we'll get started.

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We're going to switch some things up a little bit today.

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I'm going to kind of let God kind of take over a little bit, okay?

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All right, so, yes, today, I'm going to go ahead and pray.

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And good morning, good morning, Nancy, awesome.

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Okay, yeah, so as people come on, they're going to get us in prayer here,

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and then we'll start our coaching session, okay?

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So, Heavenly Father, I just thank you for bringing us together today, Lord,

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on this Tuesday, and every Tuesday, Father.

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Thank you for the work that you've been doing in each

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and every person this week in their heart.

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Lord, thank you for being a God that doesn't leave us where we're at,

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but continues to lovingly transform us day by day.

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Lord, this past Saturday, Jackie encouraged us to continue to pray that bold prayer,

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teach us, show us, heal us, and grow us.

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And so, Lord, I just ask that we step into this Tuesday with that same prayer.

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And we do every single week, Father.

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Give us hearts that are willing to receive whatever it is that you want to reveal.

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Lord, help us to not fear the places that feel uncomfortable.

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Stretch us.

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Stretch us in those moments, Lord.

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But that we don't fear that, but we trust.

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We trust that you're revealing something because you love us,

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because you are inviting us into something greater.

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You're inviting us into healing.

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You're inviting us into that freedom, Father.

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Lord, if there's any offense, insecurity, fear, old patterns that rise up

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as we encounter people this week,

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can you help us just to sit with that discomfort long enough

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for you to reveal what it is that you want us to see in that discomfort, in that offense?

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Oftentimes, it's easy for us to want to rush past that discomfort

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or even just try to fix things ourselves or fix other people.

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Lord, just help us to sit still in those moments

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and recognize that you're giving us an invitation to partner with you in something deeper,

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something that's healing,

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because that is something that you desire so much for our hearts.

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Holy Spirit, I just ask that you lead this conversation today.

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Give us ears to hear your voice, courage to receive your truth,

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and grace to celebrate every growth, every step of the way.

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No matter how small or how large it is, Lord, that you just reveal it to us

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and you allow us to celebrate it.

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So Lord, we just surrender this time to you.

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We trust that you will accomplish exactly what you desire for each and every one of us today.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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All right. Yes, it looks like we got some more people jumped on.

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That's perfect.

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So yes, I did our prayer first today and then our housekeeping.

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Okay, it's August 4th. It's Tuesday.

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It's our one o'clock afternoon call.

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Hey, Sarah. Good to see you.

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I got Shantella here. I've got to see who else jumped on.

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I got Lisa, Kristen, Cynthia, Rhonda's here, Audrey's here, Tracy, Jennifer.

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I got so many of you on here today.

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I love it.

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Thank you. Thank you for my top.

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I appreciate it. This one actually has a state on it.

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But I put a skirt on and I like hike it up.

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and it covers the stain. It was like a brand new shirt and the first time I wore it, I actually

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think my husband might have put it in the wash or something and like stained it. I'm like that was a

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brand new shirt and he's like we'll just get another one and I'm like that just seems like

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a hassle and I was like you know I'm gonna make this shirt work and so I found a cute skirt that

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I had in the back of my closet and it still works and so it's perfect for the summer so

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thank you thank you for that compliment um so yeah we don't have a whole lot of housekeeping

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items today um it is I don't think do I have any brand new do I have any newbies to phase two

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anybody I don't think I think I feel like I recognize everybody

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I got someone that's a samson sma326u I don't know who that is I haven't seen that before

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um um sometimes I know we sometimes jump on um different ways of getting on zoom so you you

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might not be new you might be somebody that we we've had here for a while but um but anyway

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if you're watching this in replay and you are new to phase two we are so excited to have you here

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um this is our Tuesday community coaching call we have one at one o'clock eastern and one at

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eight o'clock eastern p.m. um you have myself Carla Johnson and Ebony um who we are your coaches

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here in phase two we typically teach usually from the same outline we try to keep it similar

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but if you've ever been to both calls or watched them in replay you'll know that we we each offer

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something a little bit different in each call um so I always encourage you to either get to one

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live and then watch the other one in replay or watch both in replay um or go to both live whatever

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you can do um at least try to make it to one or at least watch one in replay so that's super

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important um make sure you're going to those supernatural Saturdays those are really really

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good Jackie leads those um and then we have prayer calls every week and then in phase two again if

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you're brand new it's set up a little bit differently than phase one but not too differently

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okay there's no book per se uh hey Tamera it's so good to see you um I figured I figured it was

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like someone who just was wasn't brand new it was just you had to get on in a different way

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um so it's good to see you but yeah um get on those supernatural Saturdays we've got prayer

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calls every day through the week get on those if you can um what was I saying uh phase one and

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phase two a little bit different phase one we have that heart workbook and so you kind of go

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through that phase two is a little bit different we still have teaching content we've got five

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videos in the course content there okay we don't want you rushing through that all right there's

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purpose for that okay we want you to be able to um pace yourself okay we don't want you rushing

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through the content all right this is set up so that you ladies can take what you learned in phase

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one and start applying it to phase two okay because this is where we release you and give you

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the freedom to start dating now not everyone dates right out the gate some of us take a little more

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time than others um and that's totally fine but um make sure that you are watching those videos

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but try to watch only one of those a week okay this is separate from our live Tuesday calls

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okay so this is the teachings that um they're pre-recorded there's stuff that Jackie's taught

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on and things um that Renee Renee's another one of our coaches she is a an OG like myself

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she's been in the program for some time she just recently got married as well so she's been through

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our community as a single um as a student and she is now coaching as well so um as all of us coaches

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we've all been students and many of us are now married um and our success stories and there

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are a handful of the ladies that are coaches that are still students and still single but

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their marriages are coming okay so um definitely good stuff there um i don't want to make sure i

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forget anything so yeah make sure you're checking out that resource tab lots of good information

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there if you want to set up one-on-one coaching there's information to be able to do that um

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there's if you want to share this community with other people there's ways of doing that in there

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when you

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You are ready to move over to phase three.

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That's also in the resource page.

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You're gonna hold off on jumping into phase three

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at least for like five to six weeks.

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Again, I don't want you rushing over there, okay?

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That phase is always gonna be there, all right?

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So it's not going anywhere, all right?

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I really want you ladies to be able to absorb

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what we've got here for you.

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Same thing like in phase one,

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we didn't want you rushing through heartwork,

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but just in case to rush through heartwork, okay?

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Because sometimes it happens, all right?

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We feel like, you know, we're ready.

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And we get here and we're like,

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whoa, this is a lot, I wanna go back to heartwork.

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And so we definitely don't want you to feel

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like you have to go back.

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We heartwork you in here too, okay?

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But we definitely don't want you to like

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have rushed through phase one and rushed through phase two

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that you jump into phase three

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and then you kind of lose momentum.

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And so we really do set up these phases

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to really help you absorb the foundations

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of what this community has to offer, okay?

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So yeah, definitely check out that resource tab.

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We are gonna do some live coaching at the end of this call.

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I'm gonna try to leave as much of the time as I can for that

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but if you know that you have a question

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for today, do me a favor at this very, very moment,

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can you be thinking of your question

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and go ahead and write that down

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and maybe even put that in the chat, okay?

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Just something short, brief and powerful

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if you have a question because I really do wanna try

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to get to as many questions as possible today, okay?

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So I don't want us to neglect those

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but I also want us to be thinking

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about what those questions are

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because I think sometimes when we think about it

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and we can condense it into like one or two sentences

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or like one or two like question,

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like sentences that ask a specific question,

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we can get through a lot more.

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Okay, so let's definitely get those there.

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Okay, thank you so much, Dana.

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So she's got something she wants to process

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with some dates that she's had so that will be good.

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So think about the question though,

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like one specific thing that's happened

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that you really wanna zone in on

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because we're not gonna have all the time

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to be able to unpack everything, okay?

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I know we got more questions than just Dana, okay?

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And so be thinking about that.

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I'm gonna do things a little bit differently,

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slightly differently today, okay?

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Still gonna do our celebrating, okay?

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But I'm actually gonna invite you ladies

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in on this process, okay?

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And we're gonna engage a little bit more, okay?

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So as always, I like to celebrate things, all right?

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I wanna take a few minutes just to kind of recognize

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like what God has been doing

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and what he's been showing us this week in our community.

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This week, I noticed things were a little bit quieter

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than most weeks, but it still didn't take away,

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like I didn't have as many posts in the app this week

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as I usually do, but there was still a lot of joy

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in being able to catch up in a lot of those posts.

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And so I always love catching up on what y'all share

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in the community, in the app.

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And so there was a lot of cool things that I saw

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and I really like it.

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So what I did notice, like not every single one

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of those posts and those experiences that were shared

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were probably easy to walk through

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or easy to even share about.

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But almost every single one revealed evidence

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that heartwork is coming to life.

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And I thought that was really something to celebrate.

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And so I saw people honoring boundaries,

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people using their voice.

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I saw ladies slowing things down

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and asking like really good questions,

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not reacting right away.

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I thought that was huge.

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Like actually like sitting with a situation

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and not like going into reaction.

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know, but like sitting with it. I saw people celebrating the progress that they're making

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instead of focusing so much on the outcome being what they wanted it to be.

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And a lot of people just intentionally inviting God into this process. And so I thought that was

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really exciting. And so I want to hear from you ladies this week that you're not just hearing from

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me. And so I'm going to ask you to share, okay, what's one win you experienced this week? Okay,

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this doesn't have to be a huge breakthrough. Okay. Maybe you went on a date. Maybe you joined

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a dating app. Maybe you asked a question instead of assuming something. Maybe you honored a boundary.

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Maybe that was new for you this week. Maybe it was that you were someone, you know, one of those

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people like, I didn't react this week. I actually sat back and just let God reveal something to me

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this week. So I want you to think about what is it that, you know, what's a win? Okay. And it might

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not have anything to do with dating at all. Okay. So go ahead. Unmute yourself. Okay. If you want to,

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if you can't unmute yourself because maybe you're at work or maybe you're driving,

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drop it in the chat. Okay. If you're driving, don't drop it in the chat. Okay. Sarah, don't

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drop it in the chat. Pull over to the side of the road. Okay. She's the only one I see right now

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driving. Okay. I don't know if anybody that has cameras off is driving, but yeah. So let's just

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go ahead. You don't have to, you don't have to raise your hand for this. Just let's go ahead

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and unmute, share. What's, what's, what's one of your wins? So let's, let's make this a win. Let's

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make, let, this is not going to be the coaching part. Okay. We're not going to give the storytelling.

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I just, let's get to a win. We will have time at the end to get coaching. We are just going

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to focus on our win. What was our win this week? All right. Unmute, share. I pulled over if I could

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go. Okay. Perfect. Go for it. Okay. Hi Carla. Hi everybody. I wanted to share, I'm going to get a

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little emotional, but I had a good conversation with a guy, but it was also a really hard one.

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And instead of kind of dismissing how I felt after the conversation, I didn't talk to him for like

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the weekend. And I was just really trying to pray and process. And it was just really good. And I

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appreciated your feedback, Carla and Ebony's too. And so anyways, I'm just sitting in it and I'm

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just kind of like allowing myself to fill the bills and, and you know, not just try to kind of

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make it okay. Like how I felt in the, in the conversation, you know, trying to kind of just

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say like trying to downplay my feelings, especially if I felt not good at something that he said or

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whatever. So I, I appreciate that because he is, he was very handsome and he was very cool and he

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was very flattering and all of that. But I think I just got caught up in all the, like, you know,

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the back and forth, the connections, the compliments, you know, and, and then I was

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going to be downplaying how I felt the effects of, you know, some things that we've discussed. So I,

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I just feel like that's a win that I didn't immediately try to connect with him again over

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the weekend that I didn't immediately try to, you know, just disregard how I felt. So I feel like

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that's a win. Yes. I love that. And I'm so glad that you did pull over to unmute because I enjoyed

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like reading your posts this week. And I'm so thankful that you, you did see my share. I know I,

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I took a little, I had some alone time this week. And so I took some time away from the app over the

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weekend. And so I was, you know, jumping in yesterday to like catch up. And so I'm so glad

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that you did get to see what I shared with you because I wasn't in as frequently as I am over

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the last couple of days. And so I'm glad that you shared that because I saw your wins this week.

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And so that was exciting. And I'm, I'm, I'm really glad that you saw them too.

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So anybody else, let's see, I think.

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Yep, you're welcome.

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Anybody else?

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I think Dana, Lisa, did you?

239
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Yes, I think you both unmuted.

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So I wanna hear your wins too.

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And then I've got some more in the chat.

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I'll be quick.

243
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Okay.

244
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I had two dates with the same man.

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Yes.

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So we're gonna go through that later on.

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Yes.

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Yes, all right.

249
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So she got a second date.

250
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So she had two dates, same guy.

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I love it.

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Y'all, that is a huge win.

253
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I think that's, for me,

254
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that would have been a huge win for me

255
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because my experience in this community

256
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when I was a student, I rarely got the second date.

257
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Is anybody else, can anybody else relate to that?

258
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Yeah.

259
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Dana's like, yeah, that's a win.

260
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That was me too.

261
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Like, I'd have one date with somebody

262
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and it would be good.

263
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Or sometimes it'd be like, eh, it's okay.

264
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Like, I'll go on a second date if they ask

265
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and then they never ask.

266
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And so that, I love it.

267
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I love that you got a second date with somebody.

268
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That's a good win.

269
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All right, Lisa, what's your win?

270
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I've been seeing some friends and all that I have not,

271
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but I've been traveling some

272
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and I'm just sharing that I'm gonna get married

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and I've never been married.

274
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And so there's just a, Lisa,

275
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and I was like, no, I have not met him,

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but I will be getting married.

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And I said, the Lord put this on my heart about a year ago

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and I know that he would never put something on my heart

279
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and not follow through.

280
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And my friends are just like, oh my God,

281
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we're gonna be at the wedding.

282
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I'm gonna sing at the wedding and all.

283
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And so that's huge growth for me in terms of sharing,

284
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just, I know what's going to happen.

285
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So yeah.

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That's a win.

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Ladies, that is, ladies, I want you to listen to that win.

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Like sit with that one.

289
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That is a huge win.

290
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Cause I can guarantee you, we've all sat,

291
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like I'm gonna say it myself,

292
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been in this program and I was never married before.

293
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It is so easy for us to sit there and get discouraged

294
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and think, well, if it hasn't happened yet,

295
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then it must not happen.

296
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And sometimes the most challenging thing

297
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is to get over that wall of discouragement

298
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and start claiming, no, this is a desire

299
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that God put in my heart.

300
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It's gonna happen.

301
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That is a win.

302
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That is a win.

303
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Cause that, and now you're speaking it into existence.

304
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You are now, you're coming out of alignment

305
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with the discouragement and you're coming into alignment

306
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with what God has placed in your heart.

307
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And that is huge.

308
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So I love that.

309
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Okay, I'm gonna read a few more

310
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and then we're gonna jump into,

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I got one more question for you ladies.

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Jennifer, she made a decision not to pursue an opportunity

313
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that didn't feel right.

314
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I love that.

315
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That's good.

316
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Like sometimes if you, like some of us have that FOMO,

317
00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:25.480
like the opportunities are there.

318
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Like we always feel like we have,

319
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anything that's in front of us,

320
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we have to go ahead and take the opportunity

321
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because you know, oh, like it's there, so we must take it.

322
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And so, but sometimes God puts us in those situations

323
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and is like, you get to choose.

324
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Like you get to practice that.

325
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You get to choose.

326
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Like, I don't, you know what?

327
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Just because the opportunity's there

328
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doesn't mean that I have to choose it.

329
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I get to go partner with God and I get to go,

330
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you know, he gives me a choice.

331
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He gives me that free will.

332
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So I love that.

333
00:24:01.040 --> 00:24:03.520
Lucy, no worries about being late.

334
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No big deal.

335
00:24:06.360 --> 00:24:08.240
Lucy, I hope that you,

336
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I know you shared a couple of weeks ago.

337
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I hope that you got my response in that.

338
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I haven't checked this week if you got to that.

339
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So hopefully you did.

340
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And if you did, I definitely want an update

341
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from you at some point.

342
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:30.640
Okay, so Catherine, she has a good question

343
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about what are good discerning questions in dating.

344
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Okay.

345
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Rhonda, no worries.

346
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We're gonna get you your first date.

347
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We're gonna break that seal.

348
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Rhonda, wasn't you this week that you did break the seal?

349
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.600
And you like reached out to somebody on the dating apps?

350
00:24:52.600 --> 00:24:53.420
Was that you?

351
00:24:53.420 --> 00:24:54.260
There was somebody.

352
00:24:56.840 --> 00:24:58.020
She might not be able to unmute.

353
00:24:58.020 --> 00:25:00.920
So I'm gonna wait, see if you put something in the chat.

354
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:10.000
chat. Okay, so we haven't completed profiles yet. No worries, no worries. Ladies, again,

355
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:15.760
it's all a process. We're going to get to all of that, okay? Like that, we're going to get to that,

356
00:25:15.760 --> 00:25:23.120
all right? I think today's going to be really, really good for us. Yes, Peggy,

357
00:25:24.080 --> 00:25:28.400
she's expressing to people too that she wants to remarry. I love it.

358
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No way that you're confessing a crime. No, no, absolutely not, all right? Maybe we need to,

359
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:46.400
we're going to pray about who we're expressing that to then, okay? And we're not going to let

360
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:51.120
that just, hopefully it's not discouraging you, okay? I want to hear from you as well. I want to

361
00:25:51.120 --> 00:26:00.640
hear more about that. Yes, Nancy, yes, she had a lot of wins this week. Y'all, if you did not get

362
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:10.240
an opportunity to go in that app, you need to because she had such an amazing week walking out

363
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:21.360
this discovery dating process. She had so many amazing wins. She was using her voice. She was

364
00:26:21.360 --> 00:26:30.560
upholding her boundaries. She was being open. She was gathering information, but she stayed so

365
00:26:30.560 --> 00:26:37.600
grounded. Even when there was a little bit of that, like, I don't know what to do. This is new.

366
00:26:37.600 --> 00:26:42.240
This is different for me. She came in the community. She was asking questions.

367
00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:51.760
I was so thankful. Right before I kind of took my break to get some alone time for myself this

368
00:26:51.760 --> 00:26:58.000
weekend, she had posted and was like, I need help. I'm so glad I had saw that when I did.

369
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And so I was able to help her a little bit with some of the coaching.

370
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:17.360
And she found out really quickly what she was getting herself involved in, but she didn't

371
00:27:17.360 --> 00:27:27.440
rush it. But she sat with the process and God revealed very quickly to her. It was like a very,

372
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very perfect scenario of walking out what we teach you here in last year's single and phase

373
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two. Like she really like trusted the process with us. And so please, if you haven't gone the app,

374
00:27:46.880 --> 00:27:55.840
go check her her progress out. It was huge. Such good things. Okay, we're gonna I don't want to

375
00:27:55.840 --> 00:28:02.400
take up too much time. We're already 30 minutes in because I want to leave lots of time. Yes,

376
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:11.280
that whirlwind lasted about six days. But she went through the process, y'all. She didn't rush

377
00:28:11.280 --> 00:28:20.480
that process one bit. God unfolded everything in his timing. I really truly believe that.

378
00:28:21.120 --> 00:28:26.800
So yes, it was Rhonda. Okay, I saw it, Rhonda. Yes, she did break a seal. So she might not have

379
00:28:26.800 --> 00:28:33.760
gotten a date date yet, but she's breaking the seal. So ladies, trust the process. Okay,

380
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:40.960
like y'all are on your journeys. Don't worry about like where you're at in journey on your

381
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:48.560
journey compared to somebody else. Like just trust the process. Okay, so I love hearing

382
00:28:49.280 --> 00:28:55.040
all of those wins. I'm so glad that we're doing that. I really, I really want to start

383
00:28:55.040 --> 00:29:05.520
incorporating, I think, doing that each week. So with your wins, all right, I want y'all to sit

384
00:29:05.520 --> 00:29:11.440
with this for just a minute. Okay, this one is we're not going to respond right away. I'm going

385
00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:18.560
to ask you a second question. As you look back over this week, and look back at your wins,

386
00:29:19.520 --> 00:29:24.640
I want you to ask yourself, what do you think God was trying to reveal to you?

387
00:29:29.520 --> 00:29:31.200
Okay, think about that.

388
00:29:31.280 --> 00:29:40.960
What is one thing that God was trying to reveal to you this this week? What was he showing you?

389
00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:58.960
All right. This is where I want us to really sit. Okay, and be thinking about it.

390
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.600
this. Go ahead and write that down or put it in the chat. We're not going to unmute

391
00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:08.400
because I do want to get us to the teaching so we can get to these

392
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:12.960
questions because I think we have a lot of questions today which is good. Okay

393
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:20.040
but write it down put it in the chat. What did God try to reveal to you this

394
00:30:20.040 --> 00:30:28.720
week? Okay and so as you do that okay as I go through this teaching I want you

395
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:35.400
to be thinking about that okay because what I noticed this week is we had all

396
00:30:35.400 --> 00:30:40.800
these different situations different women different questions different men

397
00:30:40.800 --> 00:30:45.480
all right y'all are dating different men right thankfully not all dating the same

398
00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:52.240
guy that might have that actually has happened I think in this community at

399
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:56.920
one point or another like people realize like they might be dating the same

400
00:30:56.920 --> 00:31:03.240
person doesn't happen often though but we're all dating different men we're all

401
00:31:03.240 --> 00:31:06.560
different people different ladies different situations different things

402
00:31:06.560 --> 00:31:16.880
but underneath all of these stories is the same thing that God is revealing

403
00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:26.040
something that's the same okay and it's not always about the guy all right it's

404
00:31:26.040 --> 00:31:32.280
sometimes he's revealing confidence in us sometimes he's revealing more about

405
00:31:32.280 --> 00:31:38.400
our identity or sometimes like Nancy he revealed some boundaries in her voice

406
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:45.400
that she could trust the process yes and she can honor it she can articulate her

407
00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:50.360
boundary and she can honor it that's what she got to reveal this week

408
00:31:50.360 --> 00:31:56.840
sometimes God's revealing old beliefs and so I really want you to sit with

409
00:31:56.840 --> 00:32:05.640
that this week and and I couldn't help when I was reading through y'all's post

410
00:32:05.640 --> 00:32:12.920
about what Jackie's shared on Supernatural Saturday she shared reveal

411
00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:21.400
it so God can heal it and that's really something that hit me I don't think that

412
00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:26.320
was just a great message I mean it was it was a really I mean I feel like every

413
00:32:26.320 --> 00:32:30.440
Saturday is a great message I mean there's nothing I don't ever think

414
00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:35.640
Jackie can't come on and and not like she's just so anointed like God just

415
00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:45.400
speaks through her like I'm so thankful for her and her obedience such a great

416
00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:52.960
message but I think that was not just only a great message but I think we've

417
00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:58.960
actually been watching God answer that all week long and even longer than a

418
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:02.400
week I think it's been actually happening several weeks here in our face

419
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:09.200
in phase two and I think that's what he wants us to sit with today in our

420
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:14.120
teaching and ask that we're gonna ask that like I'm gonna answer that question

421
00:33:14.120 --> 00:33:21.520
of why discovery dating okay you hear us you hear myself and Ebony talk about

422
00:33:21.520 --> 00:33:27.200
discovery dating all the time okay and so we're gonna really get to the why why

423
00:33:27.240 --> 00:33:33.280
discovery dating all right and so this is a rhetorical question ladies why do

424
00:33:33.280 --> 00:33:39.840
you think we spend so much time in phase two on discovery dating

425
00:33:39.840 --> 00:33:45.920
because let's face it wouldn't it be so much easier if Jackie or your coach is

426
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:50.880
just you know we just we're all praying Oh Lord just let these women meet their

427
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:56.440
husbands next week and they could just skip the dating process altogether how

428
00:33:56.440 --> 00:34:05.760
many of you would love that yep some of you might not be like wait I don't know

429
00:34:05.760 --> 00:34:10.920
I don't know if I trust I don't know what I if I trust what what my coaches

430
00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:17.440
and Jackie are praying here what kind of what kind of man am I gonna get all right

431
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:21.800
but yeah I would be so great if it's like we didn't have to go through all

432
00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:25.719
this process you know it would be nice you know I used to say I'm like oh Kim

433
00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:32.320
can I just get my husband Amazon Prime's to my door like please can you

434
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:38.719
just show up to my front door can I just go on on Amazon and just like scroll

435
00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:42.840
through and like pick the things that I want and purchase it and then it just

436
00:34:42.840 --> 00:34:47.400
get popped on my door you know I wouldn't have to do that you know there'd

437
00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:51.600
be no awkward first dates no having to worry if you get a second date or not

438
00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:55.760
because that was always my thing like it was an okay date or it was a great

439
00:34:55.760 --> 00:35:00.760
date is there going to be a second right

440
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
I didn't have to, like, there's no worrying about are they going to text, are they not going to text?

441
00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:08.000
What do I need to text them back? Did I text too soon?

442
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:11.000
What do I say to them? What do they mean by this?

443
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:15.000
Right? We didn't have to worry about that. He'd just be at our front door.

444
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:18.000
That prayer would be answered.

445
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:21.000
You know, I wouldn't have to go through the disappointment.

446
00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:27.000
How many of you would love to not have to go through the disappointment of dating?

447
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:33.000
You wouldn't have to be discouraged. You wouldn't have to be disappointed.

448
00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:37.000
Wouldn't have to go through some of the chaos. Yep. Yep.

449
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:41.000
Wouldn't have to do any of that, right? That would be so wonderful.

450
00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.000
There would be no uncertainty. It would be so wonderful.

451
00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:50.000
You know, just ring the doorbell. We could sign for our package and live happily ever after, right?

452
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:53.000
Don't work that way, does it?

453
00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:57.000
There's a reason it doesn't work that way.

454
00:35:57.000 --> 00:36:00.000
All right.

455
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:06.000
It's not how it's designed. I mean, it sounds good in theory,

456
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:09.000
but ladies, let's really think about Amazon Prime right now.

457
00:36:09.000 --> 00:36:12.000
Okay, we're going to go to this story. Amazon Prime.

458
00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:19.000
How many of you use Amazon Prime and love Amazon Prime because

459
00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:24.000
it's so easy to ship back what you don't want?

460
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:31.000
I know I'm not the only one.

461
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:34.000
I see a few heads shaking, but I don't see not everybody's on camera.

462
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:37.000
So I don't know.

463
00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:40.000
Y'all, I'm telling you, like,

464
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:48.000
I'm thankful because there are several times when those Amazon purchases come to my door

465
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:53.000
and I'm like, uh, that is not what I thought I ordered.

466
00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:57.000
Or that doesn't fit like I thought it was going to fit.

467
00:36:57.000 --> 00:37:04.000
Or that quality isn't what showed up in the photo.

468
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:08.000
Like, wait a second, hold the front door.

469
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:12.000
Or that wasn't disclosed in the description.

470
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:15.000
Like, hold on a second, you know?

471
00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:22.000
Like, honestly, I kind of laugh because that's me when it comes to Amazon.

472
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:26.000
Like, I really think the people at the UPS store behind the counter

473
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:30.000
are probably secretly praying for my husband because they probably see me all the time

474
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:36.000
and they're like, this poor woman's husband is probably freaking out every day

475
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:39.000
of what's going to show up on her doorstep.

476
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:43.000
Sarah, you laugh, right?

477
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:48.000
Please tell me you're laughing because you relate.

478
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.000
You relate to, like, getting all the Amazon packages and you're like,

479
00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:58.000
man, I wonder what people are, like, what my neighbors think.

480
00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:02.000
You know, like, they must be thinking, like, does she celebrate Christmas all year round?

481
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:05.000
Like, what's going on?

482
00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:12.000
So that's not, like, as much as it would be nice for husbands just to be Amazon Prime to us

483
00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:15.000
and it just be right there, it's not designed that way.

484
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:22.000
And honestly, I'm thankful for it because it's the process.

485
00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:24.000
It's so much more than that.

486
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:32.000
And he's not setting up the discovery dating to make the dating process harder.

487
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:37.000
He's actually doing it because he's trying to prepare us.

488
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:39.000
All right?

489
00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:41.000
He's preparing us for something.

490
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:53.000
So, you know, when we first begin discovery dating, like, we think the big purpose is

491
00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:56.000
we're here to gather information about the men.

492
00:38:56.000 --> 00:38:58.000
Okay?

493
00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:01.000
And that is one of the purposes.

494
00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:05.000
But there's actually two purposes, ladies.

495
00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:08.000
And it's the why we have you do it.

496
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:09.000
Okay?

497
00:39:09.000 --> 00:39:13.000
So we want you gathering information.

498
00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:14.000
All right?

499
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:18.000
We've talked a lot about that over the last several weeks, about sitting long enough to

500
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:22.000
gather information before deciding what to do.

501
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:23.000
Right?

502
00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:25.000
That's part of the discovery dating process.

503
00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:26.000
All right?

504
00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:28.000
You're looking, how does this guy communicate?

505
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:30.000
Is he pursuing?

506
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:32.000
You know, is he interested?

507
00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:34.000
Is he intentional about that?

508
00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:36.000
Does he honor boundaries?

509
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:41.000
Is there a piece that's coming with the interaction?

510
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:47.000
You know, you might be trying to observe and gather, like, how do they, how does this man

511
00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:49.000
handle conflict?

512
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:54.000
How does this man handle discouragement?

513
00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:59.000
How does this man walk through challenging times, maybe?

514
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.340
E, how has he grown?

515
00:40:02.340 --> 00:40:03.180
Right?

516
00:40:03.180 --> 00:40:04.100
As you go through the process,

517
00:40:04.100 --> 00:40:06.700
we're not finding all of this out right away.

518
00:40:06.700 --> 00:40:08.380
Many of you ladies want to know,

519
00:40:09.220 --> 00:40:12.540
how does he show up in his relationship with the Lord?

520
00:40:13.860 --> 00:40:14.700
That's huge.

521
00:40:14.700 --> 00:40:17.460
I mean, and these are good, good questions.

522
00:40:17.460 --> 00:40:18.820
All right?

523
00:40:18.820 --> 00:40:21.660
And those are things that discovery dating

524
00:40:21.660 --> 00:40:26.180
is going to reveal to you about the man.

525
00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:32.160
But there's actually another purpose

526
00:40:32.420 --> 00:40:37.420
that I recognize doesn't always naturally take place

527
00:40:37.940 --> 00:40:39.980
when we first come into phase two.

528
00:40:41.700 --> 00:40:46.140
And it's that discovery dating

529
00:40:46.140 --> 00:40:51.140
isn't only about revealing information about him.

530
00:40:51.300 --> 00:40:56.300
It's about revealing information about us.

531
00:40:58.260 --> 00:41:03.260
So go back to what I had you ladies thinking before.

532
00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:09.500
What was something that God wanted to reveal to you?

533
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:15.500
Did it have anything to do with the guy?

534
00:41:15.500 --> 00:41:19.560
Or did it have something to do with you and your heart?

535
00:41:22.140 --> 00:41:24.620
That's the invitation.

536
00:41:24.620 --> 00:41:25.640
Okay?

537
00:41:25.640 --> 00:41:30.640
So a lot of women this week encountered so much of that.

538
00:41:32.900 --> 00:41:37.900
Someone noticed filling their self with all these blanks

539
00:41:39.220 --> 00:41:41.720
without knowing the facts.

540
00:41:46.640 --> 00:41:49.220
It was like, there was some uncertainties,

541
00:41:49.220 --> 00:41:51.920
so their mind just wanted to fill in the blanks.

542
00:41:52.780 --> 00:41:54.660
And that's easy.

543
00:41:54.660 --> 00:41:56.200
That's easy to go there.

544
00:41:57.180 --> 00:42:00.820
We naturally want certainty.

545
00:42:00.820 --> 00:42:05.580
We naturally want to understand why is this happening?

546
00:42:05.580 --> 00:42:08.080
And so we'll make up those stories in our heads.

547
00:42:09.020 --> 00:42:10.720
Women do that really, really well.

548
00:42:11.980 --> 00:42:15.260
Someone else recognized an old insecurity.

549
00:42:16.300 --> 00:42:17.980
It quietly resurfaced.

550
00:42:19.540 --> 00:42:24.540
Somebody else recognized their boundaries grew way more

551
00:42:26.100 --> 00:42:28.420
than what they were probably a year ago.

552
00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:35.140
Someone else even recognized that when they walked away

553
00:42:35.140 --> 00:42:39.740
from a relationship, they didn't just see

554
00:42:40.740 --> 00:42:43.020
what they learned about the person

555
00:42:43.020 --> 00:42:44.820
that they were in relationship with,

556
00:42:45.820 --> 00:42:50.700
but they actually spent time celebrating what God was doing

557
00:42:50.700 --> 00:42:54.780
in them for the last four months, which was huge.

558
00:42:56.420 --> 00:42:57.340
Okay?

559
00:42:57.340 --> 00:43:00.520
They're different stories, but it's the same God.

560
00:43:01.660 --> 00:43:05.100
Different situations, same invitation.

561
00:43:06.540 --> 00:43:07.540
All right?

562
00:43:07.540 --> 00:43:12.540
God wasn't only revealing something about the relationship

563
00:43:12.700 --> 00:43:16.220
or the interaction or the encounter

564
00:43:16.220 --> 00:43:18.740
that you're having with the person.

565
00:43:18.740 --> 00:43:23.240
He's revealing something inside you.

566
00:43:23.240 --> 00:43:24.080
Okay?

567
00:43:25.220 --> 00:43:29.380
So I want to be honest here, ladies.

568
00:43:30.420 --> 00:43:34.780
This is actually even something God continues

569
00:43:34.780 --> 00:43:36.120
to work in me too.

570
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:42.120
Believe it or not.

571
00:43:42.120 --> 00:43:42.960
All right?

572
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:49.760
We want to sit here and think we're here

573
00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:51.800
for the promise of marriage.

574
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:58.280
So when we get married, yay, that was me.

575
00:44:01.540 --> 00:44:04.400
I stepped in this community and I like,

576
00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:06.800
that was the promise God gave me.

577
00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:11.960
He had marriage for me and I had to struggle through that.

578
00:44:12.700 --> 00:44:14.440
I had a couple of years of struggling through that.

579
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:15.280
Right?

580
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:16.200
Never been married.

581
00:44:16.200 --> 00:44:18.600
I was in my late thirties going into my forties.

582
00:44:18.600 --> 00:44:23.600
I had a son and there was a lot of work

583
00:44:23.620 --> 00:44:24.760
that needed to be done.

584
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:31.400
And I thought, okay, I'm married now.

585
00:44:33.720 --> 00:44:34.560
Woo-hoo.

586
00:44:35.480 --> 00:44:36.760
Yes, life is good.

587
00:44:37.420 --> 00:44:42.420
God is now in this season, still doing something in me,

588
00:44:47.520 --> 00:44:52.520
teaching me different things, showing me and revealing me.

589
00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:59.560
And there's a lot of times that I'm like,

590
00:44:59.560 --> 00:45:02.000
I want to be a part of that.

591
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.000
I want him just to tell me, like, what exactly is ahead.

592
00:45:05.880 --> 00:45:09.280
I don't wanna have to sit here and wonder about it.

593
00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:13.260
I want, like, just, I don't wanna have to go

594
00:45:13.260 --> 00:45:14.800
through the process and the progress

595
00:45:14.800 --> 00:45:16.640
and all that kind of stuff.

596
00:45:16.640 --> 00:45:20.860
Like, but because I've gone through this community

597
00:45:20.860 --> 00:45:24.520
and I've walked through this preparation

598
00:45:24.520 --> 00:45:26.700
of being single and getting married,

599
00:45:27.700 --> 00:45:32.020
I'm actually now at the capacity where now I get it.

600
00:45:32.020 --> 00:45:34.820
I'm a lot more stubborn too, ladies.

601
00:45:34.820 --> 00:45:39.820
It's taken me a hot minute to recognize it.

602
00:45:41.300 --> 00:45:46.300
All right, so those obstacles don't just go away.

603
00:45:50.340 --> 00:45:55.340
All right, God will actually continue to use opportunities

604
00:45:56.180 --> 00:46:00.820
to reveal places that he wants to grow us in.

605
00:46:00.820 --> 00:46:04.460
And so right now you're in a current situation

606
00:46:04.460 --> 00:46:05.940
where you're discovering dating

607
00:46:05.940 --> 00:46:07.860
and there's gonna be that discomfort

608
00:46:07.860 --> 00:46:09.500
and there's gonna be that discouragement

609
00:46:09.500 --> 00:46:13.800
and there's gonna be those things that surface, okay?

610
00:46:14.940 --> 00:46:19.940
Embrace that process because it is preparing you

611
00:46:22.180 --> 00:46:23.780
for the next promise.

612
00:46:23.820 --> 00:46:26.020
I had the promise of marriage

613
00:46:26.020 --> 00:46:28.680
and ladies, God gave me that promise of marriage.

614
00:46:28.680 --> 00:46:30.340
Like, he's given it all to you.

615
00:46:32.220 --> 00:46:35.900
God even gave me a promise about my marriage

616
00:46:35.900 --> 00:46:40.780
of what he was going to do in my marriage and in my family

617
00:46:40.780 --> 00:46:43.420
and what that was going to look like for the kingdom.

618
00:46:45.420 --> 00:46:48.380
And I was excited, I'm still excited.

619
00:46:49.380 --> 00:46:54.380
But I didn't realize the obstacles that were gonna come

620
00:46:55.380 --> 00:46:57.700
and the hardships and the difficulties

621
00:46:57.700 --> 00:47:01.240
and the discouragement and the stretching and the growing.

622
00:47:02.380 --> 00:47:05.340
Once I got that promise, like I got that promise,

623
00:47:05.340 --> 00:47:07.300
I got the marriage, it was great.

624
00:47:07.300 --> 00:47:11.360
It was great for a little while.

625
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:15.060
And then it was like, okay, I'm ready to take you now

626
00:47:15.060 --> 00:47:16.400
through your next promise

627
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:18.840
and there's some more stretching and growing.

628
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:23.840
And so there is a reason why we do that discovery dating

629
00:47:26.360 --> 00:47:29.320
because it's preparing you ladies, okay?

630
00:47:29.320 --> 00:47:34.320
So it's going to reveal those things that need to grow, okay?

631
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:37.800
And so I wanna give you this illustration, okay?

632
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:41.120
Because I know many of us at the beginning of the call,

633
00:47:41.120 --> 00:47:42.840
you're like, well, I haven't gone on a date yet

634
00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:44.280
or I have a date, all that.

635
00:47:44.280 --> 00:47:45.780
I want you to think of a pool.

636
00:47:46.680 --> 00:47:49.460
All right, big giant pool, summer,

637
00:47:49.460 --> 00:47:51.680
big community public pool.

638
00:47:51.680 --> 00:47:54.000
It's called the last year single pool.

639
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:56.240
All right, you have to have the membership to get in.

640
00:47:56.240 --> 00:48:00.680
All right, we hoping the hot guys are there.

641
00:48:00.680 --> 00:48:02.920
We are, right?

642
00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:05.400
We're constantly asking Jackie,

643
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:09.120
are there men in the community?

644
00:48:10.720 --> 00:48:12.040
When do we get to the men?

645
00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:14.640
I know y'all are asking that.

646
00:48:16.760 --> 00:48:18.440
I totally get that.

647
00:48:18.440 --> 00:48:22.440
All right, but let's take a second, right?

648
00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:24.440
Let's vision this pool.

649
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:26.720
Some of you ladies are at the pool,

650
00:48:26.720 --> 00:48:28.880
some of you at the gate, all right?

651
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:31.760
You're like, all right, maybe I wanna get in,

652
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:33.760
maybe I don't, maybe I wanna get through this gate,

653
00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:34.920
maybe I don't.

654
00:48:34.920 --> 00:48:36.720
I don't know about it, who knows?

655
00:48:36.720 --> 00:48:39.440
Some of you are around the edge of the pool,

656
00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:40.440
you're still standing there,

657
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:43.320
kind of checking it out, saying, I don't know.

658
00:48:44.120 --> 00:48:45.440
It looks a little cold in there.

659
00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:47.520
I don't know if I'm ready for that, right?

660
00:48:48.600 --> 00:48:50.120
Some of you are like, I wanna go in,

661
00:48:50.120 --> 00:48:53.400
but I don't wanna go in by myself.

662
00:48:53.400 --> 00:48:57.320
Or some of you have your swimsuit covers on

663
00:48:57.320 --> 00:48:59.560
and you're like, I wanna get in,

664
00:48:59.560 --> 00:49:00.480
but I don't know if I'm ready

665
00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:03.000
to take my swimsuit cover off yet.

666
00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:04.400
Y'all, that's always me,

667
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:06.160
especially at the beginning of the summer.

668
00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:07.880
I'm like, I'm not ready to take that swimsuit cover off.

669
00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:12.320
I've been enjoying the winter

670
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:15.640
and snacking on bonbons and stuff.

671
00:49:15.640 --> 00:49:19.760
I'm like, I'm not ready to take that cover off, right?

672
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:21.960
Some of you are dipping your toes in.

673
00:49:23.000 --> 00:49:27.200
Some of you got your feet dangling in the pool, all right?

674
00:49:28.200 --> 00:49:30.040
You're like, okay, I'm getting used to it,

675
00:49:30.040 --> 00:49:31.360
I'm getting comfortable.

676
00:49:32.240 --> 00:49:37.240
I'm telling people about, I'm looking to get married,

677
00:49:38.120 --> 00:49:41.560
I'm ready to start dating if you got something for me,

678
00:49:41.560 --> 00:49:43.000
right?

679
00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:44.120
Some of you are sitting on the edge,

680
00:49:44.120 --> 00:49:47.120
hoping maybe someone's just gonna push you in.

681
00:49:47.120 --> 00:49:49.160
Some of you, right?

682
00:49:49.160 --> 00:49:51.600
Some of you are out there already swimming

683
00:49:51.600 --> 00:49:53.980
and relaxing and enjoying it.

684
00:49:53.980 --> 00:49:55.500
You're having fun.

685
00:49:55.500 --> 00:49:57.360
You're playing a little pool volleyball.

686
00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:58.960
You're laying on the raft.

687
00:49:58.960 --> 00:50:00.660
Some of you are sipping on those.

688
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.000
those little, you know, little daiquiris,

689
00:50:03.000 --> 00:50:06.720
those little iced teas, like, you're enjoying it.

690
00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:09.080
You're chit-and-chatting with everybody around,

691
00:50:09.080 --> 00:50:10.720
you're having a good time.

692
00:50:10.720 --> 00:50:14.560
Some of you are straight cannonballing into that deep end,

693
00:50:14.560 --> 00:50:16.880
getting that chlorine up your nose.

694
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:22.200
Like, real quick, forgot to plug your nose.

695
00:50:22.200 --> 00:50:23.520
You're quickly getting out, like,

696
00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:25.500
trying to catch your breath.

697
00:50:25.500 --> 00:50:27.360
Some of you are running around the pool

698
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:30.060
and slipping and falling in, right?

699
00:50:31.100 --> 00:50:32.820
That's happening, right?

700
00:50:34.900 --> 00:50:38.160
Some of us are saying, hey, stop running around the pool.

701
00:50:38.160 --> 00:50:40.780
We got some mamas in here.

702
00:50:40.780 --> 00:50:42.700
Okay, some of us coaches are sitting there saying,

703
00:50:42.700 --> 00:50:43.960
hey, stop running.

704
00:50:45.020 --> 00:50:47.340
You're not supposed to run around the pool, it's slippery.

705
00:50:47.340 --> 00:50:49.420
Like, woo, slow it down.

706
00:50:49.420 --> 00:50:51.100
Slow your pace down, right?

707
00:50:51.100 --> 00:50:54.900
You're gonna get hurt, all right?

708
00:50:54.900 --> 00:50:56.420
Some of you are diving in, you're like,

709
00:50:56.440 --> 00:50:58.580
I can't do this, and jumping right out,

710
00:50:58.580 --> 00:50:59.860
and running over to your chair,

711
00:50:59.860 --> 00:51:02.220
and then like, nope, not doing it.

712
00:51:02.220 --> 00:51:03.460
Nope, that water's too cold.

713
00:51:03.460 --> 00:51:04.780
Nope, that's too deep.

714
00:51:04.780 --> 00:51:05.860
Nope, can't do it.

715
00:51:05.860 --> 00:51:07.540
I still got water up my nose.

716
00:51:08.460 --> 00:51:13.460
So, ladies, none of that is gonna disqualify any of you.

717
00:51:14.900 --> 00:51:18.980
So, wherever you're at in that scenario

718
00:51:19.940 --> 00:51:21.480
doesn't disqualify you.

719
00:51:22.600 --> 00:51:24.860
Because in every single one of those situations,

720
00:51:24.900 --> 00:51:28.300
God is going to reveal something beautiful

721
00:51:29.180 --> 00:51:31.320
in each and every one of those situations.

722
00:51:33.060 --> 00:51:35.820
It's true, okay?

723
00:51:35.820 --> 00:51:37.300
And like I said, sometimes we think,

724
00:51:37.300 --> 00:51:39.520
okay, if I could just find my husband.

725
00:51:40.740 --> 00:51:42.460
But I wanna ask you, ladies,

726
00:51:43.860 --> 00:51:46.580
what do you think marriage is actually gonna eliminate?

727
00:51:50.580 --> 00:51:53.700
What are you hoping marriage is going to eliminate for you?

728
00:51:55.500 --> 00:51:56.500
Put it in the chat.

729
00:52:04.420 --> 00:52:07.560
What is it going to eliminate?

730
00:52:11.260 --> 00:52:12.900
Is it gonna eliminate loneliness?

731
00:52:14.140 --> 00:52:15.240
Do you have a partner?

732
00:52:19.260 --> 00:52:22.600
How many of you have felt alone,

733
00:52:23.600 --> 00:52:26.560
but you have a huge group of friends?

734
00:52:32.160 --> 00:52:34.760
I love that, Kristen.

735
00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:37.760
Yard work, but that's not why you get married.

736
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:40.360
Let's hope, let's hope.

737
00:52:41.960 --> 00:52:44.240
My husband does not do a whole lot of yard work.

738
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:46.360
He's one of those that likes to hire people,

739
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:48.680
but I'm like, we have three kids.

740
00:52:48.680 --> 00:52:50.080
Can't they do the yard work?

741
00:52:50.240 --> 00:52:51.080
Okay.

742
00:52:52.240 --> 00:52:53.240
Sleeping alone.

743
00:52:56.360 --> 00:52:57.840
That's a good one, sleeping alone.

744
00:52:57.840 --> 00:53:02.840
Might eliminate that, but let me ask you this.

745
00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:09.280
When you're sleeping alone, do you get restful sleep?

746
00:53:09.480 --> 00:53:10.780
Like, is there noise?

747
00:53:16.040 --> 00:53:17.320
I used to want that same thing.

748
00:53:17.320 --> 00:53:20.140
Y'all, I have a husband that snores.

749
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:24.440
And now I have perimenopause.

750
00:53:24.440 --> 00:53:28.880
And so my hormones, I don't sleep as heavily at night.

751
00:53:28.880 --> 00:53:31.000
And so I have lots of hormones.

752
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:33.040
I see a doctor, I see a hormone specialist.

753
00:53:33.040 --> 00:53:34.880
And so sometimes that helps my sleeping.

754
00:53:34.880 --> 00:53:35.880
And sometimes it doesn't.

755
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:37.000
Sometimes my husband's snoring.

756
00:53:37.000 --> 00:53:38.560
Sometimes I'm having to, you know,

757
00:53:38.560 --> 00:53:40.680
kick him out and go say, I need you to sleep on the couch

758
00:53:40.680 --> 00:53:42.000
because I have to get sleep.

759
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:43.740
Or sometimes I'm like, you know what, honey,

760
00:53:43.740 --> 00:53:45.840
you've got a long day ahead of you.

761
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:48.440
I'll go sleep on the couch and, you know,

762
00:53:48.440 --> 00:53:50.200
get the rest that I think I need.

763
00:53:52.480 --> 00:53:57.480
Yeah, we think it's going to erase that.

764
00:53:57.900 --> 00:54:00.600
But ladies, let me tell you something.

765
00:54:00.600 --> 00:54:02.240
It doesn't eliminate it.

766
00:54:03.400 --> 00:54:04.600
It really doesn't.

767
00:54:05.580 --> 00:54:07.960
There is still, like, and that's why I asked you,

768
00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:12.960
you can have like, I don't know, is it Juana?

769
00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:14.480
Juana?

770
00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:16.440
I don't know if I pronounced your name correctly.

771
00:54:16.440 --> 00:54:19.160
She's like, she has a lot of friends and family,

772
00:54:19.160 --> 00:54:21.440
but sometimes she still does feel lonely.

773
00:54:22.720 --> 00:54:24.760
Do you know that there's a lot of marriages out there,

774
00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:27.680
ladies, that people are married

775
00:54:27.680 --> 00:54:29.640
and they feel alone in their marriages?

776
00:54:31.400 --> 00:54:35.000
Y'all, I'm married and now I get all the ads

777
00:54:35.000 --> 00:54:37.520
about, like, marriage stuff.

778
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:39.360
And it's crazy.

779
00:54:40.200 --> 00:54:44.520
Like, now it's like, I get all the ads about, like,

780
00:54:44.520 --> 00:54:46.760
helping your marriage.

781
00:54:46.760 --> 00:54:48.120
And I'm like, whoa.

782
00:54:50.820 --> 00:54:52.600
I'm sitting here thinking,

783
00:54:52.600 --> 00:54:55.740
well, everybody gets married thinking everything's fine,

784
00:54:55.740 --> 00:55:00.240
but y'all, marriages.

785
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:15.720
are struggling, like they really are. And so those things are not always going to

786
00:55:15.720 --> 00:55:21.240
be solved. I'm not saying this to discourage you and again remember we're

787
00:55:21.240 --> 00:55:27.560
going back to the why is that discovery dating so important. It's because

788
00:55:27.560 --> 00:55:33.840
marriage is two imperfect people continuing to grow together and it is

789
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:40.160
beautiful and that's actually why discovery dating is a gift because that

790
00:55:40.160 --> 00:55:51.040
is how God lovingly reveals things. He's doing that now in discovery dating while

791
00:55:51.040 --> 00:55:58.560
the stakes are low so that he can continue to prepare you for what you're

792
00:55:58.560 --> 00:56:04.280
praying for. And ladies if you didn't listen to Jackie's Supernatural Saturday

793
00:56:04.280 --> 00:56:10.240
go back and listen to it because there was something there that she said and I

794
00:56:10.240 --> 00:56:16.080
hope that y'all picked it up and if you didn't I'm gonna share it with you and

795
00:56:17.040 --> 00:56:22.200
then you're gonna go back and you're gonna listen to it. You do not have to be

796
00:56:22.200 --> 00:56:30.600
perfect to be worthy of love because love is gonna come much easier when we

797
00:56:30.600 --> 00:56:41.880
allow God to deal with these things now. That's why discovery dating. It's not

798
00:56:41.880 --> 00:56:48.040
just about learning information about the man. It's also what's

799
00:56:48.040 --> 00:56:56.440
getting revealed in us so that we can be reflective and see what is God wanting

800
00:56:56.440 --> 00:57:06.680
to reveal in us so that we're prepared for whatever next promise he has for us.

801
00:57:06.680 --> 00:57:12.680
Marriage is a promise and there's a process and some progress that goes

802
00:57:12.680 --> 00:57:19.240
through with that so then when you get that, guess what? God doesn't stop giving

803
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:25.040
you promises. There's gonna be another one and another one and another one and

804
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:32.680
another one and each one of those is gonna have another process and another

805
00:57:32.680 --> 00:57:41.800
progress to go through. Now you just have a partner, right? Now you got another

806
00:57:41.800 --> 00:57:48.720
imperfect person that you're working together with so right now you're just

807
00:57:48.720 --> 00:57:56.840
working with yourself and God. At the end of this promise of marriage, you're

808
00:57:56.840 --> 00:58:02.200
working with yourself, another person, and God. There's another person involved

809
00:58:02.200 --> 00:58:09.280
there, another imperfect person. So that's why we really emphasize that discovery

810
00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:20.000
dating, okay? So we don't want to miss out on that, okay? So yes, discovery dating is

811
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:25.560
about gathering information about these guys but we also don't want to

812
00:58:25.560 --> 00:58:29.480
forget to gather information about ourselves. So I want you ladies asking

813
00:58:29.480 --> 00:58:38.040
what's this revealing in me? Lord, what are you inviting me to heal? Lord, what

814
00:58:38.040 --> 00:58:43.560
are you growing in me? Those are all things, okay? Because discovery dating

815
00:58:43.560 --> 00:58:53.160
isn't simply measuring whether you found your husband or not or he found you. It's

816
00:58:53.160 --> 00:58:58.720
measured by whether or not you partnered with God and everything he wanted to do

817
00:58:58.720 --> 00:59:10.360
in your heart along the way, okay? So this week's activation is I'm gonna call

818
00:59:10.360 --> 00:59:14.840
it like the discovery gift challenge, okay? I'm gonna have you guys go on a

819
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:19.760
treasure hunt. I want you ladies going on a treasure hunt this week. So I want you

820
00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:27.720
to look at every uncomfortable moment this week, every unexpected interaction,

821
00:59:27.720 --> 00:59:34.720
every disappointment, maybe every exciting moment, okay? Not just the

822
00:59:34.720 --> 00:59:41.360
disappointments but the exciting ones too. Maybe some triggers, maybe some fears,

823
00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:45.480
maybe there's some joy in there, something like that you were not

824
00:59:45.480 --> 00:59:50.240
expecting something joyful to happen. I want you to recognize that and I want

825
00:59:50.240 --> 00:59:56.640
you to look at every single one of those moments like it's a wrapped

826
00:59:56.640 --> 00:59:59.260
gift.

827
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.840
Y'all sometimes, and I know there's some ladies out here,

828
01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:05.200
some of y'all are really good

829
01:00:05.200 --> 01:00:08.640
at making gifts look really beautiful.

830
01:00:10.160 --> 01:00:12.400
Like those gifts that are so wrapped perfectly

831
01:00:12.400 --> 01:00:15.980
that you almost don't wanna wrap them, but then you do,

832
01:00:15.980 --> 01:00:19.520
that you're like, oh my gosh, this wrapping is so beautiful.

833
01:00:19.520 --> 01:00:23.560
There's gotta be a really good gift in there, right?

834
01:00:25.040 --> 01:00:28.520
How many of you are like those gift wrappers?

835
01:00:29.400 --> 01:00:33.160
You love wrapping gifts and making them look really pretty.

836
01:00:33.160 --> 01:00:36.020
I used to be like that until I got three kids.

837
01:00:36.940 --> 01:00:41.940
When I had just one, before I had my kid, my youngest,

838
01:00:42.720 --> 01:00:47.200
I used to love making presents look exquisite.

839
01:00:47.200 --> 01:00:50.700
Then I had one kid and I spent all the time on that.

840
01:00:50.700 --> 01:00:52.240
Now I got three kids and a husband.

841
01:00:52.240 --> 01:00:53.800
Y'all, I don't have time for that.

842
01:00:53.800 --> 01:00:58.800
Like, and y'all, if you're my husband,

843
01:01:00.800 --> 01:01:02.600
you're getting a gift from my husband,

844
01:01:02.600 --> 01:01:05.000
you're not getting a wrapped gift.

845
01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:08.880
It's just coming in that Amazon box that got delivered.

846
01:01:10.840 --> 01:01:14.320
It's like, here, cut it open.

847
01:01:14.320 --> 01:01:16.020
There's your gift, all right?

848
01:01:16.020 --> 01:01:19.380
So some of them don't always look super pretty, okay?

849
01:01:19.380 --> 01:01:22.320
But you're gonna look at every one of those moments

850
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:23.440
this week as a gift,

851
01:01:23.440 --> 01:01:27.120
whether or not it's wrapped beautifully or not, okay?

852
01:01:27.120 --> 01:01:29.640
And I want you to pause and I want you to ask,

853
01:01:29.640 --> 01:01:33.420
Lord, what gift might be hidden inside this moment?

854
01:01:34.360 --> 01:01:37.560
When I unwrap this, or I unbox this,

855
01:01:37.560 --> 01:01:40.000
or when I open this up,

856
01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:43.040
what is the gift that you're revealing?

857
01:01:43.040 --> 01:01:46.600
Is it a fear that you didn't realize was still there?

858
01:01:46.600 --> 01:01:49.360
Is it a boundary that you grew stronger in?

859
01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:51.600
Is it a lie that you were believing?

860
01:01:53.080 --> 01:01:54.860
A new confidence, maybe?

861
01:01:55.840 --> 01:01:59.440
Maybe there's peace in that moment.

862
01:02:00.560 --> 01:02:05.560
Maybe there's a healthier response in that package

863
01:02:05.800 --> 01:02:10.060
that wouldn't have been there last year.

864
01:02:12.040 --> 01:02:15.720
Maybe it's even a reminder

865
01:02:15.720 --> 01:02:17.960
that you're becoming more like Christ.

866
01:02:20.920 --> 01:02:21.760
I don't know about y'all,

867
01:02:22.160 --> 01:02:23.000
but sometimes those packages

868
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:26.260
are the ones that they don't look so beautiful,

869
01:02:27.280 --> 01:02:30.340
but they're the most beautiful gifts, aren't they not?

870
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:33.760
So I want you to ask yourself,

871
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:35.080
what is this revealing in me

872
01:02:35.080 --> 01:02:37.680
and what might God be inviting me to heal?

873
01:02:37.680 --> 01:02:40.760
And so you're gonna be a heart detective this week.

874
01:02:40.760 --> 01:02:43.640
So you're gonna go look for those gifts, all right?

875
01:02:43.640 --> 01:02:45.120
And not because every situation's

876
01:02:45.120 --> 01:02:46.840
gonna be super enjoyable, all right?

877
01:02:46.840 --> 01:02:48.360
I want you to look at the enjoyable situations.

878
01:02:48.360 --> 01:02:51.540
I want you to look at the unenjoyable ones as well, all right?

879
01:02:52.320 --> 01:02:53.160
Then I want you coming back

880
01:02:53.160 --> 01:02:56.260
and I want you sharing what happened.

881
01:02:56.260 --> 01:02:58.020
I want you telling us about it.

882
01:02:58.020 --> 01:03:01.380
I want you to show us the gift that you found.

883
01:03:01.380 --> 01:03:04.180
And so this is where you get to be creative, all right?

884
01:03:04.180 --> 01:03:07.820
I wanna add some creativity into our app, all right?

885
01:03:07.820 --> 01:03:09.900
Into our shares, okay?

886
01:03:09.900 --> 01:03:12.820
So you can post a picture of an actual gift.

887
01:03:12.820 --> 01:03:16.140
It can be wrapped or not, okay?

888
01:03:16.140 --> 01:03:18.260
You can draw a gift.

889
01:03:18.260 --> 01:03:20.080
You can post your drawing.

890
01:03:20.120 --> 01:03:22.360
You can journal about it and share.

891
01:03:22.360 --> 01:03:25.840
You can create something and show us what you created.

892
01:03:25.840 --> 01:03:27.200
You can share scripture.

893
01:03:27.200 --> 01:03:29.600
Maybe the scripture is the gift.

894
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:32.600
Maybe you can just tell a story, all right?

895
01:03:32.600 --> 01:03:34.760
Whatever fits your personality,

896
01:03:34.760 --> 01:03:37.440
I'll want you to get creative with it, okay?

897
01:03:38.980 --> 01:03:41.200
And I want you to ask yourself,

898
01:03:41.200 --> 01:03:43.080
not ask, I want you to answer these three questions

899
01:03:43.080 --> 01:03:44.400
when you tell us.

900
01:03:44.400 --> 01:03:45.660
What happened?

901
01:03:46.740 --> 01:03:48.220
What did God reveal?

902
01:03:48.220 --> 01:03:51.080
And what do you think he wants to use

903
01:03:51.080 --> 01:03:52.580
to continue to grow in you?

904
01:03:52.580 --> 01:03:54.540
Like, how does he want you to use that?

905
01:03:55.460 --> 01:04:00.460
So I'll post that in our app tonight, okay?

906
01:04:01.820 --> 01:04:03.660
I don't think we got anybody really responding

907
01:04:03.660 --> 01:04:05.260
to our activation last week.

908
01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:08.900
So I want this one to be like,

909
01:04:08.900 --> 01:04:11.340
let's get back on board, okay?

910
01:04:11.340 --> 01:04:16.020
Let's get some more involvement, okay?

911
01:04:18.780 --> 01:04:23.780
Janeth, I will post it in the app

912
01:04:23.780 --> 01:04:25.660
so you can find that in the app.

913
01:04:27.020 --> 01:04:31.340
All right, ladies, if you have a question for us,

914
01:04:31.340 --> 01:04:33.600
and I know Dana wants to unpack some stuff,

915
01:04:33.600 --> 01:04:37.420
she's gonna ask us one or two questions, okay?

916
01:04:37.420 --> 01:04:41.300
We've got about 30 minutes to get to these questions.

917
01:04:41.300 --> 01:04:43.660
I'm gonna go through the chat as well

918
01:04:43.660 --> 01:04:45.460
because I know I had you ladies at one point

919
01:04:45.460 --> 01:04:48.020
go through and ask your questions.

920
01:04:48.820 --> 01:04:52.340
I know someone was asking about questions about discernment

921
01:04:52.340 --> 01:04:53.180
and I gotta find that.

922
01:04:53.180 --> 01:04:54.820
If that was you, raise your hand.

923
01:04:55.940 --> 01:04:58.660
If you're still on, Catherine, yep, raise your hand.

924
01:04:58.660 --> 01:04:59.740
Sarah's got a question.

925
01:04:59.740 --> 01:05:01.240
I know Dana's got a question.

926
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.680
Dana's got a question.

927
01:05:01.680 --> 01:05:03.360
Who else has got questions?

928
01:05:05.480 --> 01:05:06.480
All right.

929
01:05:07.560 --> 01:05:10.720
Karen, Lucy, awesome, perfect.

930
01:05:10.720 --> 01:05:13.800
Okay, we're gonna keep these short, brief, and powerful.

931
01:05:13.800 --> 01:05:15.040
All right.

932
01:05:18.640 --> 01:05:19.480
Good, good, good.

933
01:05:19.480 --> 01:05:20.320
All right.

934
01:05:21.300 --> 01:05:23.800
All right, Dana, short, brief, and powerful.

935
01:05:23.800 --> 01:05:25.960
So you had two dates you wanna unpack,

936
01:05:25.960 --> 01:05:27.760
but we're not unpacking everything.

937
01:05:27.800 --> 01:05:30.920
Let's get to what is one thing

938
01:05:30.920 --> 01:05:34.880
you want answered from these two dates.

939
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:39.680
Jackie was talking about rebuilding the community.

940
01:05:39.680 --> 01:05:41.240
The community works,

941
01:05:41.240 --> 01:05:43.040
because I wouldn't have had these dates

942
01:05:43.040 --> 01:05:45.800
if another woman I met inside the program

943
01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:49.600
hadn't have connected us.

944
01:05:49.600 --> 01:05:50.440
Yes.

945
01:05:50.440 --> 01:05:52.080
So it works.

946
01:05:52.080 --> 01:05:53.480
It sure does.

947
01:05:53.480 --> 01:05:55.320
That's how I met my husband.

948
01:05:55.320 --> 01:05:56.680
Oh.

949
01:05:56.680 --> 01:05:58.360
From another girl in the community.

950
01:05:58.360 --> 01:05:59.460
She didn't know him.

951
01:05:59.460 --> 01:06:04.160
She just saw him in a group, like in a Facebook group.

952
01:06:04.160 --> 01:06:05.320
Christian Singles Facebook group.

953
01:06:05.320 --> 01:06:07.120
I wasn't even in the group.

954
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:09.100
I had a lot of ladies in that group.

955
01:06:09.100 --> 01:06:13.320
And they saw his little profile post, whatever.

956
01:06:13.320 --> 01:06:14.640
And she snapped his picture and was like,

957
01:06:14.640 --> 01:06:16.000
what do you think of him?

958
01:06:16.000 --> 01:06:17.600
I was like, yeah, sure, whatever.

959
01:06:17.600 --> 01:06:20.200
I wasn't even in the group.

960
01:06:20.200 --> 01:06:21.900
But then I joined the group,

961
01:06:21.900 --> 01:06:24.960
and then all the women that were in this community,

962
01:06:24.960 --> 01:06:27.160
they were like, oh yeah, Carl is great.

963
01:06:28.420 --> 01:06:29.520
And now the rest is history.

964
01:06:29.520 --> 01:06:30.920
Now I'm married to the man.

965
01:06:32.240 --> 01:06:36.480
All right, so yes, ladies, take that little nugget.

966
01:06:36.480 --> 01:06:37.720
All right?

967
01:06:37.720 --> 01:06:40.800
Community matchmaking works.

968
01:06:40.800 --> 01:06:42.720
All right, what's your question, Dana?

969
01:06:43.680 --> 01:06:47.920
I know Jackie's talked about how we need to,

970
01:06:47.920 --> 01:06:52.920
like when we have a,

971
01:06:55.040 --> 01:06:56.840
not to dismiss people right away,

972
01:06:56.840 --> 01:07:01.400
because our nervous system might be wanting something more

973
01:07:01.400 --> 01:07:03.320
than what we're used to.

974
01:07:03.320 --> 01:07:05.120
Am I making sense?

975
01:07:05.120 --> 01:07:06.800
Yeah, being open.

976
01:07:06.800 --> 01:07:09.000
Like we're not just gonna shut down

977
01:07:09.000 --> 01:07:10.360
because we see something that we're like,

978
01:07:10.360 --> 01:07:11.200
oh, we don't like that.

979
01:07:11.200 --> 01:07:12.480
We're gonna get curious.

980
01:07:12.480 --> 01:07:17.480
Because normally I'm quite, I'm either like all in or not.

981
01:07:17.520 --> 01:07:18.360
Yes.

982
01:07:18.360 --> 01:07:20.280
And now I've been on two dates,

983
01:07:20.280 --> 01:07:25.000
and he hasn't crossed any boundaries.

984
01:07:25.000 --> 01:07:30.000
He hasn't, none of my non-negotiables are in play here,

985
01:07:30.200 --> 01:07:32.640
but I'm just not feeling it.

986
01:07:32.640 --> 01:07:35.280
And I'm thinking, do I keep going?

987
01:07:35.280 --> 01:07:39.280
Or do I, and give it a little more time?

988
01:07:39.280 --> 01:07:42.440
But then I think I feel like I'm being dishonest.

989
01:07:42.440 --> 01:07:43.800
I don't know.

990
01:07:43.800 --> 01:07:45.360
Okay, this is good.

991
01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:49.280
So do you ever recall hearing Jackie teach

992
01:07:49.280 --> 01:07:51.280
about it's a yes until it's a no?

993
01:07:51.280 --> 01:07:52.120
Yes.

994
01:07:52.120 --> 01:07:55.640
Okay, so this is where that comes in, okay?

995
01:07:55.640 --> 01:07:58.760
So it's a yes until it's a no, ladies.

996
01:07:58.760 --> 01:08:03.760
So what I'm hearing Dana say is he's not crossing boundaries.

997
01:08:04.240 --> 01:08:06.400
Okay, he's not being inappropriate

998
01:08:06.400 --> 01:08:08.520
from what I'm gathering, right?

999
01:08:09.960 --> 01:08:12.240
She knows her non-negotiables.

1000
01:08:12.240 --> 01:08:14.600
It's not that he doesn't have any of her non-negotiables.

1001
01:08:14.600 --> 01:08:17.000
Okay, it's not like, okay, no, that's a non-negotiable.

1002
01:08:17.000 --> 01:08:18.279
Like, I'm sorry, that's not gonna,

1003
01:08:18.279 --> 01:08:20.640
like, it's still, we're still on this.

1004
01:08:21.920 --> 01:08:23.200
I don't know yet.

1005
01:08:24.080 --> 01:08:25.840
Like, I'm not sure.

1006
01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:30.840
So let me ask you, are there things that you do enjoy?

1007
01:08:34.200 --> 01:08:38.200
I like that he has so far initiated both dates.

1008
01:08:38.200 --> 01:08:39.720
I like that he's pursuing.

1009
01:08:40.880 --> 01:08:42.040
That's new for me.

1010
01:08:42.040 --> 01:08:44.399
Okay, that's good.

1011
01:08:45.359 --> 01:08:46.880
So he's initiating dates.

1012
01:08:46.880 --> 01:08:49.040
So he's pursuing, he's showing you

1013
01:08:49.040 --> 01:08:52.800
what that masculine energy looks like, right?

1014
01:08:52.800 --> 01:08:56.160
So she's getting to see some masculinity.

1015
01:08:56.160 --> 01:08:57.960
That's good, it's new.

1016
01:08:59.600 --> 01:09:00.800
Anything else you enjoy?

1017
01:09:06.920 --> 01:09:08.600
What do you not like?

1018
01:09:12.399 --> 01:09:14.359
I ask a direct question.

1019
01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:19.160
And he tells me a story and goes down rabbit trails

1020
01:09:19.160 --> 01:09:20.399
and blah, blah, blah.

1021
01:09:20.399 --> 01:09:22.520
And I never get anywhere.

1022
01:09:22.520 --> 01:09:25.760
I still don't know the answer to some of the questions.

1023
01:09:25.760 --> 01:09:29.800
And I'm, I like storytelling.

1024
01:09:29.800 --> 01:09:31.160
Jesus told stories.

1025
01:09:31.160 --> 01:09:32.160
I don't know problem stories,

1026
01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:35.479
but when I ask a direct question, I want a direct answer.

1027
01:09:35.479 --> 01:09:36.319
Okay.

1028
01:09:36.319 --> 01:09:37.279
I'm not a straight shooter.

1029
01:09:40.439 --> 01:09:41.279
I love it.

1030
01:09:41.279 --> 01:09:42.120
Yeah.

1031
01:09:42.200 --> 01:09:45.560
So give me an example of one of those questions.

1032
01:09:45.560 --> 01:09:46.640
Well, I asked him like,

1033
01:09:46.640 --> 01:09:48.399
when did you come back to the Lord?

1034
01:09:48.399 --> 01:09:50.640
Because he had shared that his dad was a pastor

1035
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:52.479
and he grew up as a pastor's kid.

1036
01:09:54.440 --> 01:09:56.200
But he's clearly lived a life.

1037
01:09:56.200 --> 01:09:58.320
He has no front teeth.

1038
01:09:58.320 --> 01:10:00.320
He doesn't take great care of himself.

1039
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.040
self. Okay. I can't hear him when he talks. I'm constantly going Could you repeat that? Could

1040
01:10:09.040 --> 01:10:15.920
you repeat that? And I get tired of it, because he's so soft spoken. And I still don't know how

1041
01:10:15.920 --> 01:10:21.760
he came back to the Lord. And he just started telling me a story about I don't even know what

1042
01:10:21.760 --> 01:10:27.440
and then he just went meandering and I never did find out how he ever came back. I think in his

1043
01:10:27.440 --> 01:10:34.000
head. He never left, but he clearly did. Okay. So these are good things. So now you're getting

1044
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:41.120
some observations. All right. You're getting some information. Okay. So discovery dating,

1045
01:10:41.120 --> 01:10:49.280
right? Yeah. We're learning stuff about him. You're also learning. I ask a direct question.

1046
01:10:49.280 --> 01:10:55.120
He doesn't always give me a direct answer. You're learning about yourself. You like someone that

1047
01:10:55.120 --> 01:11:03.280
gives direct answers. I do. And you're all like, are you noticing kind of what's happening inside

1048
01:11:04.080 --> 01:11:13.840
when that is not given? Well, what's going on? Our last date, I hadn't slept that night, I was

1049
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:19.840
in a tremendous amount of pain, and I was still in a lot of pain. And in hindsight, I probably

1050
01:11:19.840 --> 01:11:26.640
should have postponed it. But when I say I'm going to do something, I tried really, really hard

1051
01:11:26.640 --> 01:11:34.560
to follow through. Okay. And so I showed up, I did, within a few minutes of us being seated,

1052
01:11:34.560 --> 01:11:40.960
I did share that I was, I had very low energy, I wouldn't be able to stay very long,

1053
01:11:41.440 --> 01:11:51.280
and that I needed to get home and get some rest. So he knew. But when I'm tired like that,

1054
01:11:52.080 --> 01:12:02.480
my patience is very small. And my capacity for, my capacity for religion is also even smaller.

1055
01:12:03.040 --> 01:12:10.240
Okay. I hate religion. Yeah. It irritates me, I think, more than anything.

1056
01:12:10.240 --> 01:12:14.800
Like the organized, like people being like the legalistic stuff?

1057
01:12:14.800 --> 01:12:17.280
Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

1058
01:12:17.280 --> 01:12:21.520
It irritates me more than anything. And some of the stuff he was come out of it, now he's a baby

1059
01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:28.960
Christian. Okay. So the stuff coming out of his mouth, it was like, no, well, no, let me tell you

1060
01:12:28.960 --> 01:12:33.280
what the Bible says, you know, blah, blah, blah. It's like, I just, I, I, I.

1061
01:12:33.280 --> 01:12:36.720
And did you, and did you do that? Did you feel like, were you able to,

1062
01:12:36.720 --> 01:12:39.600
did you do that? Or did you feel like you could kind of hold that in?

1063
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:42.480
No, I was telling him. Okay. Yeah.

1064
01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:49.120
So these are good things. Like, so like, I love, like, you've got some wins here, Dana.

1065
01:12:49.120 --> 01:12:52.320
Do I? Yes. Ladies,

1066
01:12:52.320 --> 01:12:57.600
do you hear some of her wins? Put them in the chat. I hear the wins.

1067
01:13:00.160 --> 01:13:05.520
Okay. We're going to let people put your wins there and I'm going to, I'm going to sit here

1068
01:13:05.520 --> 01:13:14.400
and tell you the wins that I'm hearing. Okay. So one, you, I wrote a lot of things down now.

1069
01:13:14.400 --> 01:13:20.400
I've got to try to read my writing. Y'all, I'm getting older. And so I need y'all.

1070
01:13:22.320 --> 01:13:25.520
I'm getting to that point where I'm going to need readers because I can't like read

1071
01:13:25.520 --> 01:13:29.360
my writing and I have to like sit back. So please don't make fun of me.

1072
01:13:32.960 --> 01:13:41.040
The big win that I, I definitely recognize is you recognized you had some low energy.

1073
01:13:42.480 --> 01:13:47.840
When you went on that second date, you recognize some things about yourself. You recognize that

1074
01:13:47.840 --> 01:13:54.640
you're someone that likes to honor your word. That's important to you. Yeah. You learned,

1075
01:13:54.640 --> 01:14:00.080
you're learning that about yourself. You also are learning, okay, that's important to me.

1076
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:07.440
And because it's important to me, there might be times that I show up on these dates where

1077
01:14:08.960 --> 01:14:16.640
I may not be showing my best fruit of patience and you're communicating it.

1078
01:14:17.520 --> 01:14:23.760
That's a win. You are opening that door and you're getting yourself vulnerable and saying, Hey,

1079
01:14:25.600 --> 01:14:30.560
I didn't get much sleep. I apologize if I don't have as much energy.

1080
01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:36.560
See, you're owning something and you're communicating.

1081
01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:45.280
That's huge. That's a win because ladies, this isn't about showing up on these dates. Perfect.

1082
01:14:46.640 --> 01:14:50.880
Ladies, you're going to get in a marriage and you're not going to be perfect. Ask my husband.

1083
01:14:53.600 --> 01:14:59.120
He didn't marry perfect. All right.

1084
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
And he'll watch what he says because he knows I could sit there and be like,

1085
01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:06.000
he ain't perfect either.

1086
01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:11.000
So those are wins, ladies.

1087
01:15:11.000 --> 01:15:14.000
And so she's still in this discovery phase

1088
01:15:14.000 --> 01:15:18.000
where she's getting to grow and like learn

1089
01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:22.000
what is it that God wants to reveal to me?

1090
01:15:22.000 --> 01:15:27.000
And so now she's like, okay, what do I do now?

1091
01:15:27.000 --> 01:15:31.000
She's learning she likes that he's initiating.

1092
01:15:33.000 --> 01:15:36.000
She's also gathering some information like,

1093
01:15:36.000 --> 01:15:40.000
there's some things I'm learning about him that I don't know.

1094
01:15:40.000 --> 01:15:43.000
Is this really in alignment with where I'm at?

1095
01:15:43.000 --> 01:15:45.000
How do I feel about this?

1096
01:15:45.000 --> 01:15:48.000
She's noticing some things that are surfacing in her.

1097
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:54.000
And so right now, this is where we're going to shift that discovery dating.

1098
01:15:54.000 --> 01:15:56.000
We're not going to focus on the,

1099
01:15:56.000 --> 01:15:58.000
do I continue to get to know him or not?

1100
01:15:58.000 --> 01:16:00.000
I mean, it's a yes until it's a no.

1101
01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:03.000
But now I want you to start shifting in the,

1102
01:16:03.000 --> 01:16:06.000
what is God revealing in me?

1103
01:16:08.000 --> 01:16:10.000
And what is it that I can,

1104
01:16:10.000 --> 01:16:15.000
what's one thing I can learn and grow from?

1105
01:16:15.000 --> 01:16:18.000
Because now you're in this, like you mentioned something,

1106
01:16:18.000 --> 01:16:25.000
I heard you say, I feel like I'm not being honest with him.

1107
01:16:25.000 --> 01:16:27.000
Is that something I heard you say?

1108
01:16:27.000 --> 01:16:32.000
If I continue without being, well, he hasn't asked me on a third date.

1109
01:16:32.000 --> 01:16:35.000
So that happened because, you know.

1110
01:16:35.000 --> 01:16:37.000
Yeah.

1111
01:16:37.000 --> 01:16:38.000
And that's what I'm saying.

1112
01:16:38.000 --> 01:16:40.000
And that's another thing.

1113
01:16:40.000 --> 01:16:43.000
You're like, okay, I don't know what to do about this,

1114
01:16:43.000 --> 01:16:45.000
but he hasn't asked you on a third date yet.

1115
01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:48.000
You might not need to make a decision about what happens.

1116
01:16:48.000 --> 01:16:49.000
Okay.

1117
01:16:49.000 --> 01:16:51.000
Okay.

1118
01:16:51.000 --> 01:16:54.000
Right now, God's giving you an invitation.

1119
01:16:54.000 --> 01:16:57.000
He's giving you a gift.

1120
01:16:57.000 --> 01:16:59.000
Okay.

1121
01:16:59.000 --> 01:17:03.000
And it's what's coming up in Dana.

1122
01:17:03.000 --> 01:17:06.000
What is God wanting to reveal in Dana?

1123
01:17:06.000 --> 01:17:10.000
Where she had some wins.

1124
01:17:10.000 --> 01:17:12.000
What's she learning?

1125
01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:15.000
Where is she growing?

1126
01:17:15.000 --> 01:17:23.000
What's she recognizing internally that might be a little uncomfortable?

1127
01:17:23.000 --> 01:17:31.000
You know, is there some discomfort in this process of staying open?

1128
01:17:31.000 --> 01:17:33.000
Why is that?

1129
01:17:33.000 --> 01:17:36.000
What is it that God wants to reveal to you in that?

1130
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:38.000
Where does that surface?

1131
01:17:39.000 --> 01:17:43.000
Ladies, I want you ladies getting curious about your men that you're dating.

1132
01:17:43.000 --> 01:17:44.000
Right?

1133
01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:48.000
We ask you to get curious and ask some curious questions to them.

1134
01:17:48.000 --> 01:17:50.000
Guess what you get to do now?

1135
01:17:50.000 --> 01:17:56.000
You get to start asking those curious questions to yourself and to God.

1136
01:17:56.000 --> 01:18:01.000
That's discovery dating too.

1137
01:18:01.000 --> 01:18:02.000
So let's sit with that.

1138
01:18:02.000 --> 01:18:04.000
Okay.

1139
01:18:05.000 --> 01:18:10.000
What did everybody else share here?

1140
01:18:10.000 --> 01:18:11.000
I don't know.

1141
01:18:11.000 --> 01:18:12.000
Let's see.

1142
01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:13.000
Let's see.

1143
01:18:13.000 --> 01:18:19.000
I got to scroll.

1144
01:18:19.000 --> 01:18:20.000
I got to go all the way down.

1145
01:18:20.000 --> 01:18:21.000
My goodness.

1146
01:18:21.000 --> 01:18:30.000
I must have been scrolled all the way up.

1147
01:18:31.000 --> 01:18:36.000
I'm getting a lot of questions in there.

1148
01:18:36.000 --> 01:18:37.000
Sorry, this is taking me a minute.

1149
01:18:37.000 --> 01:18:42.000
That's okay.

1150
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:46.000
Where was it?

1151
01:18:46.000 --> 01:18:54.000
Ladies, I know y'all saw some wins.

1152
01:18:54.000 --> 01:18:55.000
Let's see here.

1153
01:18:55.000 --> 01:18:58.000
So that was, do you recognize those as wins, Dana?

1154
01:18:58.000 --> 01:18:59.000
So yeah.

1155
01:18:59.000 --> 01:19:01.000
I want you to sit with those wins.

1156
01:19:01.000 --> 01:19:03.000
And I want you to sit with some of that discomfort too.

1157
01:19:03.000 --> 01:19:05.000
Okay?

1158
01:19:05.000 --> 01:19:08.000
Because this is that discovery dating process.

1159
01:19:08.000 --> 01:19:09.000
Okay?

1160
01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:12.000
Yes.

1161
01:19:12.000 --> 01:19:13.000
All right.

1162
01:19:13.000 --> 01:19:15.000
So I'm not giving you the answer per se.

1163
01:19:15.000 --> 01:19:16.000
Okay?

1164
01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:17.000
That's okay.

1165
01:19:17.000 --> 01:19:18.000
All right.

1166
01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:20.000
You sound like that's okay.

1167
01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:23.000
Part of the process is learning how to do this for myself.

1168
01:19:23.000 --> 01:19:25.000
Exactly.

1169
01:19:26.000 --> 01:19:29.000
And that's what I love for you ladies.

1170
01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:34.000
I think that's where I do see a lot of growth in so many of you,

1171
01:19:34.000 --> 01:19:38.000
is that you ladies are navigating and walking this out.

1172
01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:41.000
And you ladies coming here and being vulnerable with the situations that

1173
01:19:41.000 --> 01:19:47.000
you are navigating and you're finding yourself in, that helps too.

1174
01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:53.000
Because now we're all sitting here and we're working at that together.

1175
01:19:53.000 --> 01:19:54.000
All right?

1176
01:19:54.000 --> 01:20:00.000
So you don't even need to decide, like, what do I do with this?

1177
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.880
You get to spend time with God now, because guess what?

1178
01:20:04.920 --> 01:20:05.760
You get to...

1179
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:09.840
Is the guy gonna ask you on a third date or not?

1180
01:20:09.840 --> 01:20:11.340
Go process with the Lord.

1181
01:20:12.960 --> 01:20:14.240
What does God wanna reveal in you?

1182
01:20:14.240 --> 01:20:16.880
What is it the Lord's speaking to your heart?

1183
01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:18.480
You get to decide.

1184
01:20:18.480 --> 01:20:23.480
Ladies, you all get to decide if you wanna continue.

1185
01:20:24.520 --> 01:20:29.420
It's a yes until it's a no for you.

1186
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:32.240
This used to drive me crazy.

1187
01:20:32.240 --> 01:20:34.880
I used to be like, well, how do I know if it's a no?

1188
01:20:36.680 --> 01:20:38.060
And I know some of you are probably like,

1189
01:20:38.060 --> 01:20:40.640
well, yeah, Karlie, you've gotta tell us it's a no.

1190
01:20:40.640 --> 01:20:43.520
No, Jackie didn't always tell me.

1191
01:20:43.520 --> 01:20:44.960
She didn't tell me it's a no.

1192
01:20:45.960 --> 01:20:47.400
You know, there are times where we'll be like,

1193
01:20:47.400 --> 01:20:50.660
yeah, those are red flags, ladies, those are nos.

1194
01:20:50.660 --> 01:20:52.000
We'll help you out there.

1195
01:20:52.000 --> 01:20:53.320
This is not one of those situations.

1196
01:20:53.320 --> 01:20:56.880
This is the one where, I don't know, is it a no for you?

1197
01:20:56.960 --> 01:21:00.320
Or is this a, you know, does God want you

1198
01:21:00.320 --> 01:21:03.200
to still sit in some discomfort

1199
01:21:03.200 --> 01:21:05.960
and still like figure some things out?

1200
01:21:05.960 --> 01:21:07.280
You get to decide that.

1201
01:21:09.160 --> 01:21:10.160
All right.

1202
01:21:10.160 --> 01:21:11.800
Okay, Sarah, you're next.

1203
01:21:11.800 --> 01:21:13.220
I know Jennifer's got a question

1204
01:21:13.220 --> 01:21:16.200
that I got Lucy, Catherine as well.

1205
01:21:16.200 --> 01:21:17.480
Yeah, Karen, Lucy, Catherine.

1206
01:21:17.480 --> 01:21:19.240
Okay, Sarah.

1207
01:21:19.240 --> 01:21:20.620
Okay, thank you.

1208
01:21:22.600 --> 01:21:24.920
So I, that's interesting what you said

1209
01:21:24.920 --> 01:21:28.160
about how we get to decide about if we wanna,

1210
01:21:28.160 --> 01:21:29.800
you know, continue on or not.

1211
01:21:29.800 --> 01:21:34.520
And so this new guy, that golfer that I was telling about,

1212
01:21:34.520 --> 01:21:38.360
he, I guess, I didn't feel good after the conversation.

1213
01:21:38.360 --> 01:21:40.840
I didn't feel good from all the flattery,

1214
01:21:40.840 --> 01:21:44.160
like early on and all the quick connection,

1215
01:21:44.160 --> 01:21:46.680
which kind of just like drew me in.

1216
01:21:46.680 --> 01:21:50.520
And so I did text him on Monday and I said,

1217
01:21:50.520 --> 01:21:53.520
you know, hey, thank you for calling me, you know,

1218
01:21:53.520 --> 01:21:54.560
and that we can have a talk.

1219
01:21:55.200 --> 01:21:57.640
It was nice to talk to, you know, get to talk to you.

1220
01:21:57.640 --> 01:21:59.180
Cause I was the one that had suggested it.

1221
01:21:59.180 --> 01:22:01.280
And so I did appreciate that he did do that

1222
01:22:02.360 --> 01:22:04.760
after a few days of like texting back and forth.

1223
01:22:05.960 --> 01:22:09.880
And so I guess, yeah, I'm just trying to figure out.

1224
01:22:09.880 --> 01:22:12.120
So then he said, yeah, I'd like,

1225
01:22:12.120 --> 01:22:13.360
what does your week look like?

1226
01:22:13.360 --> 01:22:16.040
And yeah, we will have another phone convo.

1227
01:22:16.040 --> 01:22:18.000
But now I'm like, I don't know if I wanna talk to him

1228
01:22:18.000 --> 01:22:21.920
after I'm processing through how he made me feel.

1229
01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:22.960
Okay.

1230
01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:23.920
So there's that.

1231
01:22:24.840 --> 01:22:28.680
And you did see my response in the, okay.

1232
01:22:28.680 --> 01:22:29.520
Yeah.

1233
01:22:29.520 --> 01:22:30.960
And so, and I do wanna take some time too,

1234
01:22:30.960 --> 01:22:33.240
cause you had said you had noticed some things

1235
01:22:33.240 --> 01:22:36.760
from my response and from what I was sharing and things.

1236
01:22:36.760 --> 01:22:37.600
Yeah.

1237
01:22:37.600 --> 01:22:38.440
Yeah.

1238
01:22:38.440 --> 01:22:39.560
So that's where, and that's where I think this is good.

1239
01:22:39.560 --> 01:22:41.080
And this, this is, you know,

1240
01:22:41.080 --> 01:22:42.840
this really does go along with our teaching today.

1241
01:22:42.840 --> 01:22:47.000
So you are, do you see how you recognize something?

1242
01:22:47.000 --> 01:22:47.840
Yeah.

1243
01:22:47.840 --> 01:22:49.080
There's a win there.

1244
01:22:49.080 --> 01:22:53.040
You're like, I recognize something.

1245
01:22:53.040 --> 01:22:56.120
Like I'm sitting here with my feelings and I didn't like it.

1246
01:22:56.120 --> 01:22:58.800
And so now I don't know how I feel about that.

1247
01:22:58.800 --> 01:23:01.760
So now this is where you get to get curious

1248
01:23:01.760 --> 01:23:04.240
with God about what's going on inside you.

1249
01:23:04.240 --> 01:23:05.160
Yeah.

1250
01:23:05.160 --> 01:23:08.120
And so I want you to sit with that process.

1251
01:23:08.120 --> 01:23:10.040
And here's the thing, ladies.

1252
01:23:10.040 --> 01:23:10.880
Yeah.

1253
01:23:10.880 --> 01:23:14.280
You don't have to make these decisions so quickly.

1254
01:23:15.120 --> 01:23:17.000
You get to sit with the Lord.

1255
01:23:19.720 --> 01:23:21.400
You're gathering information about them,

1256
01:23:21.400 --> 01:23:22.240
but guess what?

1257
01:23:22.240 --> 01:23:27.160
That doesn't, this process is also for you too.

1258
01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:33.520
You're not going to mess up your spirit mate.

1259
01:23:36.280 --> 01:23:37.440
All right.

1260
01:23:37.440 --> 01:23:40.360
I can't tell you, there were situations

1261
01:23:40.360 --> 01:23:43.840
when I was dating my husband and he's even told me,

1262
01:23:43.840 --> 01:23:45.200
he's like, there was a time,

1263
01:23:45.200 --> 01:23:48.600
like we got into one of our first arguments

1264
01:23:50.080 --> 01:23:54.000
and I completely shut down and walked away.

1265
01:23:55.880 --> 01:23:57.720
Completely shut down and left.

1266
01:24:00.280 --> 01:24:03.000
Were you guys dating at this point or were you still?

1267
01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:04.000
Yeah, we were dating.

1268
01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:06.520
We were exclusive at this point.

1269
01:24:06.520 --> 01:24:08.600
Like we got an, I mean, I can't even remember.

1270
01:24:08.600 --> 01:24:11.520
I think it had something to do with like Easter.

1271
01:24:11.520 --> 01:24:14.720
Like, cause we were dating exclusively

1272
01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:16.360
and talking about marriage.

1273
01:24:16.360 --> 01:24:18.720
Like marriage was on the table at this point.

1274
01:24:19.240 --> 01:24:20.440
Engagement was on the table.

1275
01:24:21.320 --> 01:24:24.600
And Easter is my favorite holiday y'all.

1276
01:24:26.480 --> 01:24:27.480
It is.

1277
01:24:27.480 --> 01:24:32.480
And I, you know, I had a young, I have a young son.

1278
01:24:33.200 --> 01:24:35.560
I mean, he's about to be 11 now,

1279
01:24:35.560 --> 01:24:38.760
but at the time he was seven.

1280
01:24:38.760 --> 01:24:43.240
And so ever since he was little, I had these traditions

1281
01:24:45.560 --> 01:24:47.920
and they incorporate a little bit of

1282
01:24:47.920 --> 01:24:52.920
kind of what, you know, a lot of people kind of do that,

1283
01:24:53.640 --> 01:24:58.640
you know, which is what he didn't agree with in his.

1284
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.240
his family, his family's very, like on his mom's side, they're very, very religious.

1285
01:25:05.440 --> 01:25:10.240
They don't, they don't do the Easter egg hunts. They don't do like the Easter bunny. They don't do,

1286
01:25:11.360 --> 01:25:17.360
they don't do Christmas trees. They don't do, yeah, there's like all these things. I don't

1287
01:25:17.360 --> 01:25:24.800
do the Easter bunny either. Like, I don't. Like, I do Santa Claus, you know, because I, you know,

1288
01:25:24.800 --> 01:25:31.200
my son has, you know, a dad that, you know, we were never married. We never lived together. Like

1289
01:25:31.200 --> 01:25:37.120
none of that. So I had to be mindful of, you know, my son has two different homes.

1290
01:25:38.000 --> 01:25:45.840
I can't be like overly religious and then, you know, send these messages. So like I had to go

1291
01:25:45.840 --> 01:25:51.120
to the Lord in prayer about a lot of that stuff. And so I did the whole Santa Claus thing and then,

1292
01:25:51.120 --> 01:25:54.560
but I didn't do the Easter bunny thing, but I did the Easter egg hunts.

1293
01:25:56.400 --> 01:26:05.120
But I also incorporated a lot of scripture and a lot of biblical like stories. Like I

1294
01:26:05.840 --> 01:26:13.600
really did a lot of traditions with my son. Like we, we did the Easter eggs, but I would have him

1295
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:21.040
write his, like, we would talk about our sins and we would write those on the hard Easter eggs.

1296
01:26:21.920 --> 01:26:29.440
And the night before we put those in a basket with Jesus's name on it, we'd cover it in like

1297
01:26:29.440 --> 01:26:37.280
a red cloth. And then the next morning, or no, that's not what we do. We put it in a basket,

1298
01:26:37.280 --> 01:26:42.080
cover it with cloth. Then there's a, then in the next morning, there's a basket that says,

1299
01:26:42.080 --> 01:26:47.840
has Jesus on it. And all of our sins, all of our Easter eggs are in that Jesus basket.

1300
01:26:48.480 --> 01:26:53.760
And then the basket that we had put all our sins is all of the Easter gifts,

1301
01:26:54.880 --> 01:27:04.320
like all the blessings, all the gifts given. And so I do that. Like I, I mean, we do all,

1302
01:27:04.320 --> 01:27:08.560
like I do these resurrection eggs. Like, I mean, I walk through this whole thing.

1303
01:27:08.560 --> 01:27:13.200
Well, my husband was like, so against the whole Easter egg thing.

1304
01:27:13.680 --> 01:27:21.360
And like, we, like, I just, he was not listening to me. Like, we were just not on the same page.

1305
01:27:21.360 --> 01:27:25.680
And like, I completely shut down. I was like,

1306
01:27:27.920 --> 01:27:31.440
that, like I was being stubborn. He's stubborn. I'm stubborn. We're both stubborn.

1307
01:27:32.160 --> 01:27:39.040
And there was in hindsight, like now that we're married, he's like, Carla, that there was a night

1308
01:27:39.280 --> 01:27:47.040
that I almost left, like left, left, like, I was almost going to break things off with you

1309
01:27:49.440 --> 01:28:00.000
because of how I responded that I completely shut down. And so, but he went to the Lord with that.

1310
01:28:02.080 --> 01:28:06.560
And like, we actually showed up and like walked through that process.

1311
01:28:06.560 --> 01:28:14.480
So all that to say is like, this is not just a, like, we get to show up and make decisions.

1312
01:28:15.520 --> 01:28:22.080
We don't get to decide what they do and what he could have made it. I wouldn't have been able to

1313
01:28:22.080 --> 01:28:31.280
control that. I, I would go to the Lord and ask the Lord to walk me through things.

1314
01:28:31.360 --> 01:28:35.360
I would go to the Lord and ask the Lord to walk me through things.

1315
01:28:37.680 --> 01:28:43.200
Because there were times that I'm like, do we still keep moving forward? Do I continue? Like,

1316
01:28:43.200 --> 01:28:47.200
is this, is this a yes until it's a no, I still had to do the same thing.

1317
01:28:47.840 --> 01:28:52.480
You know, we've had conversations with our kids because they're older and they want to start

1318
01:28:52.480 --> 01:28:57.040
dating. And we're struggling through that whole process of, do we let our kids date or not? Like

1319
01:28:57.760 --> 01:29:01.120
our pastors at our church, they didn't let their kids date until they were 18. And we

1320
01:29:01.120 --> 01:29:08.160
were on board with that. Now we've got a son that just turned 17. He's kind of dating. Like

1321
01:29:08.800 --> 01:29:11.680
to me, it looks like he's dating. My husband's like, that's not dating. I'm like, yes, it is

1322
01:29:11.680 --> 01:29:18.800
dating. So, and I'm like, but we're in this, like having to teach our children. And I'm like,

1323
01:29:19.760 --> 01:29:25.920
you still have to be rooted and grounded in Christ and your identity. You still get choices.

1324
01:29:26.480 --> 01:29:28.800
People are going to show up. However, they're going to show up,

1325
01:29:30.640 --> 01:29:37.280
but we don't get to control how they show up. We get to go to the Lord and be like, okay, this is,

1326
01:29:37.280 --> 01:29:44.560
this is, this is the information that I have. These are things that Lord you've shared with me.

1327
01:29:45.440 --> 01:29:49.360
These are things I know about myself. These are things I know about you. These are the truths.

1328
01:29:49.360 --> 01:29:59.760
Okay. So with the information I'm given and the truth that I have, I now get to show up.

1329
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.120
up and decide. That's discernment. So Catherine, I even think that might answer your question.

1330
01:30:08.400 --> 01:30:16.800
There's no like perfect question that's a discerning question. It's the quiet time

1331
01:30:16.800 --> 01:30:22.880
that we spend with the Lord is saying, okay, here's the information I have. Here's the truth

1332
01:30:22.880 --> 01:30:28.320
that I know. Okay. Not just what I feel because feelings aren't fact,

1333
01:30:31.840 --> 01:30:41.040
but what is it that I know? What do I know to my core? Because I have relationship with you, Lord.

1334
01:30:41.040 --> 01:30:53.040
That intimacy that we have with the Father, that's knowing. He knows us and we know him.

1335
01:30:55.520 --> 01:31:02.000
And that's where we get to show up and be like, okay, with what I know, who I am and what you're

1336
01:31:02.000 --> 01:31:07.040
revealing in me, what you want me to learn, what you want me to grow in, what you're trying to

1337
01:31:07.040 --> 01:31:13.280
heal in me, Lord, and what you've been showing me and what you tell me and the information that

1338
01:31:13.280 --> 01:31:22.160
you're giving me about this person, what now? What's the next step? What's the next faithful

1339
01:31:22.160 --> 01:31:27.760
step? That's what we get to decide. We get a choice.

1340
01:31:27.920 --> 01:31:35.680
And so there's really no question that we ask. It's sometimes it's sitting in the quiet.

1341
01:31:37.040 --> 01:31:43.760
Sometimes it's not talking at all. Sometimes it's about listening,

1342
01:31:45.600 --> 01:31:52.720
listening to what the Holy Spirit is saying. I don't know about y'all, but these last several

1343
01:31:53.280 --> 01:31:58.480
weeks, God's been speaking to me. He's like, Carla, you can't hear me because you don't quiet

1344
01:31:58.480 --> 01:32:06.960
yourself down enough to be able to hear my voice. He's like, you're sitting here, this, asking me

1345
01:32:06.960 --> 01:32:10.160
all these questions because you want to know what questions you need to ask me so that I answer.

1346
01:32:10.160 --> 01:32:15.760
He's like, but Carla, you need to just stop asking questions. You need to sit back and just let me

1347
01:32:15.760 --> 01:32:21.040
listen. You need to let me or let me speak so you can listen. You need to let me speak so you can

1348
01:32:21.600 --> 01:32:35.120
listen. I want you to sit with that. So those are hopefully Sarah. Okay. Sarah took her hand

1349
01:32:35.120 --> 01:32:42.000
out. I think, did I get to, did that help? Like that whole, we just went down a rabbit hole and

1350
01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:48.480
like that was Holy Spirit. Yeah. Cause I also might, the other guy is still the church guy.

1351
01:32:49.280 --> 01:32:56.720
And it's probably gonna, you know, we're the same church type thing. And I just, yeah. So it's like

1352
01:32:56.720 --> 01:33:01.440
those kinds of things where it's like, I would love for the Lord to tell me, you know, to tell

1353
01:33:01.440 --> 01:33:07.280
me what to do to, to help me with kind of how to do things. But it's like, I feel like he's telling

1354
01:33:07.280 --> 01:33:12.720
me and I just need to listen and do it. You know, like this last Sunday, it's like, we are talking

1355
01:33:12.720 --> 01:33:18.880
more and he has come and joined conversations when I'm talking with people. So, you know, I did

1356
01:33:18.880 --> 01:33:25.840
get across to him that, you know, anyway, his sister-in-law did, I had shared with her, you

1357
01:33:25.840 --> 01:33:30.160
know, I am looking for a guy. She had asked me who speaks to me, who talks to me, you know,

1358
01:33:30.160 --> 01:33:35.600
and makes me feel good emotionally. And that, and safe that I feel safe with emotionally. Yeah.

1359
01:33:35.840 --> 01:33:41.040
I love that. That's good. Thank you. That's good. I like, ladies, and that's another thing.

1360
01:33:41.040 --> 01:33:48.080
Surround yourself with like good counsel. Okay. Good counsel. I mean, that's why we have this

1361
01:33:48.080 --> 01:33:54.720
community. Good. Yes. Good supportive friends. I think I don't, was it this, was it this week

1362
01:33:54.720 --> 01:33:59.360
or was it last week that Jackie's Supernatural Saturday? I don't know. She's she, I just know

1363
01:33:59.360 --> 01:34:05.360
she's shared this several times and I know it's come up is ladies. The last thing you want to do

1364
01:34:05.360 --> 01:34:15.600
is get around your friends that are like negative and pessimistic and just like,

1365
01:34:16.800 --> 01:34:21.120
not like they're discouraging. Like you don't go get your relationship advice from those women.

1366
01:34:22.960 --> 01:34:27.520
Okay. Don't go and don't go get relationship advice from people that are like super single

1367
01:34:27.520 --> 01:34:35.120
and like miserable that they're single or they're happy they're single. And they have no, like

1368
01:34:35.120 --> 01:34:38.960
they don't need a man. Like don't, don't go get your advice from them. Also,

1369
01:34:38.960 --> 01:34:41.600
don't go get your advice from married people that are not happy.

1370
01:34:43.920 --> 01:34:48.400
Don't do that. There's a lot of those people. And there's some of those people in the church too.

1371
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:58.720
I listened to this podcast and they're like healthy marriages surround themselves.

1372
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.660
with other healthy marriages.

1373
01:35:04.100 --> 01:35:07.500
They do not surround themselves with couples that are unhealthy.

1374
01:35:09.800 --> 01:35:14.300
You go and you surround yourself with other healthy people.

1375
01:35:14.700 --> 01:35:22.000
Doesn't mean that you can't have acquaintances and be kind and interact with other people.

1376
01:35:22.000 --> 01:35:25.400
Okay? We want to pour into other people.

1377
01:35:26.400 --> 01:35:31.800
But we're not going to sit and gain all of our, you know,

1378
01:35:31.800 --> 01:35:38.200
we're not going to fill our ears with people that are not healthy themselves.

1379
01:35:38.200 --> 01:35:39.700
So I love that.

1380
01:35:39.700 --> 01:35:44.900
Someone's like, okay, well, what, you know, who's coming in and talking to you?

1381
01:35:44.900 --> 01:35:46.800
Like, what's happening emotionally?

1382
01:35:46.800 --> 01:35:48.700
Like, who do you feel good around?

1383
01:35:48.700 --> 01:35:51.000
Like, that's a good, that's a good question.

1384
01:35:51.000 --> 01:35:52.000
I love it.

1385
01:35:52.000 --> 01:35:53.200
Those are good.

1386
01:35:54.200 --> 01:35:55.000
Awesome.

1387
01:35:55.200 --> 01:35:56.500
All right, Karen, you're up next.

1388
01:35:58.300 --> 01:35:59.500
We're going to go a little over today.

1389
01:35:59.500 --> 01:36:00.100
That's okay.

1390
01:36:00.700 --> 01:36:01.100
Okay.

1391
01:36:02.900 --> 01:36:09.500
So I was married for 22 years, separated 12 years ago.

1392
01:36:09.700 --> 01:36:10.100
Okay.

1393
01:36:11.900 --> 01:36:16.000
We don't talk, but maybe once a year.

1394
01:36:16.500 --> 01:36:23.500
I had never thought about staying with him or getting back together with him.

1395
01:36:25.500 --> 01:36:26.900
Until recently.

1396
01:36:30.500 --> 01:36:35.000
And so my question, the reason that I left him was because he had a bad

1397
01:36:35.000 --> 01:36:39.700
temper and I just couldn't stay anymore.

1398
01:36:39.900 --> 01:36:41.300
And I'm glad that I left.

1399
01:36:41.300 --> 01:36:47.600
I have no regrets because I got my sanity back.

1400
01:36:49.800 --> 01:36:52.600
Everything, work is going better.

1401
01:36:52.600 --> 01:36:55.600
The people that I hang out with are better.

1402
01:36:55.600 --> 01:37:00.000
I mean, everything has come full circle.

1403
01:37:00.000 --> 01:37:01.500
So no regrets.

1404
01:37:03.300 --> 01:37:09.500
And in November of last year is when I said, I don't want to be single

1405
01:37:10.500 --> 01:37:11.100
anymore.

1406
01:37:11.400 --> 01:37:13.200
I'm technically, I'm married.

1407
01:37:13.700 --> 01:37:16.300
There's been no papers filed.

1408
01:37:17.700 --> 01:37:20.000
We just live separately.

1409
01:37:20.000 --> 01:37:22.700
I live in an actual, I live in another state.

1410
01:37:22.700 --> 01:37:24.400
So we really don't see each other.

1411
01:37:24.700 --> 01:37:25.100
Okay.

1412
01:37:27.200 --> 01:37:31.400
So my question is, so last year, November, I joined this community

1413
01:37:31.400 --> 01:37:34.200
because I said, I don't want to be single anymore.

1414
01:37:34.500 --> 01:37:36.900
I want to finalize this divorce.

1415
01:37:36.900 --> 01:37:37.900
I want to move on.

1416
01:37:37.900 --> 01:37:39.100
I want to start dating.

1417
01:37:39.300 --> 01:37:41.900
I have not dated in 12 years either.

1418
01:37:43.500 --> 01:37:45.100
So I wanted to do the whole process.

1419
01:37:45.400 --> 01:37:50.000
But I'm kind of stuck in a spot because now, I mean, he's always

1420
01:37:50.000 --> 01:37:53.600
called about once a year and said that he wants to get back together.

1421
01:37:53.600 --> 01:37:58.100
And every year I have said, no, I don't think you've changed.

1422
01:37:58.500 --> 01:37:59.700
I'm not going to do that.

1423
01:37:59.700 --> 01:38:04.800
I feel so safe not being with him.

1424
01:38:05.200 --> 01:38:05.700
Okay.

1425
01:38:07.200 --> 01:38:11.000
And now he's saying that he's changed.

1426
01:38:11.000 --> 01:38:16.500
The kids have said he's changed some, but he's still basically the

1427
01:38:16.500 --> 01:38:17.800
same person.

1428
01:38:17.800 --> 01:38:21.600
So he's not, you know, a whole different person.

1429
01:38:22.900 --> 01:38:27.900
So my question is, how do I know if he's really changed and what

1430
01:38:27.900 --> 01:38:31.800
questions can I ask him to know if he's changed?

1431
01:38:32.000 --> 01:38:35.100
I know this is totally different from everybody else's.

1432
01:38:35.100 --> 01:38:36.900
No, this is a really good question.

1433
01:38:36.900 --> 01:38:39.400
And when you started talking about it and I'm like, you know what?

1434
01:38:39.400 --> 01:38:45.000
This is something I know Jackie has discussed before because there

1435
01:38:45.000 --> 01:38:50.200
are people in our community that do have those full circle moments

1436
01:38:50.200 --> 01:38:53.800
where that reconciliation can happen.

1437
01:38:54.700 --> 01:38:59.000
Now, one thing that I will say that she emphasizes and I want to

1438
01:38:59.000 --> 01:39:01.000
make sure that this does not get lost.

1439
01:39:02.100 --> 01:39:06.500
She does not encourage people to reconcile marriages and relationships

1440
01:39:06.900 --> 01:39:10.500
unless you see change.

1441
01:39:12.000 --> 01:39:17.900
So I love that you are asking like the question you're asking is such

1442
01:39:17.900 --> 01:39:19.100
a good question.

1443
01:39:20.300 --> 01:39:22.500
And that is a very wise question.

1444
01:39:23.400 --> 01:39:29.100
So I love that that is on your mind because that is important.

1445
01:39:29.200 --> 01:39:33.500
It's not about and here's the thing you can ask the questions and he

1446
01:39:33.500 --> 01:39:35.800
could deliver a great answer to you.

1447
01:39:35.900 --> 01:39:37.900
Yeah, and that's usually what I get.

1448
01:39:38.000 --> 01:39:42.700
So and so but it's not going to just be about the answer.

1449
01:39:42.700 --> 01:39:46.800
It's going to be you need to see the fruits of it.

1450
01:39:47.700 --> 01:39:52.100
You need to see it actually happen.

1451
01:39:52.800 --> 01:39:58.700
So what are some ways for you to actually get the evidence?

1452
01:39:59.100 --> 01:39:59.600
Yeah.

1453
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.540
to see if he's changed.

1454
01:40:02.540 --> 01:40:04.680
What's that gonna look like for you?

1455
01:40:04.680 --> 01:40:07.820
Yeah, since I don't spend any time with him,

1456
01:40:07.820 --> 01:40:08.660
I don't know.

1457
01:40:08.660 --> 01:40:11.340
There isn't like a dating process

1458
01:40:11.340 --> 01:40:16.340
where I'm going to gather information, you know?

1459
01:40:16.540 --> 01:40:18.260
Okay, but can there be?

1460
01:40:18.260 --> 01:40:20.180
What might that look like for you?

1461
01:40:20.180 --> 01:40:23.300
Well, we live in different states.

1462
01:40:23.300 --> 01:40:25.700
The only thing I'm gathering right now

1463
01:40:25.700 --> 01:40:30.660
is when my kids call and they give me examples

1464
01:40:30.660 --> 01:40:33.860
of experiences with him.

1465
01:40:34.820 --> 01:40:37.860
So that's the only gathering that I'm getting now.

1466
01:40:37.860 --> 01:40:40.100
Okay, so you're getting information from your kids,

1467
01:40:40.100 --> 01:40:43.500
but again, that's information from your kids.

1468
01:40:43.500 --> 01:40:45.580
You're getting their lenses, okay?

1469
01:40:45.580 --> 01:40:50.340
And I don't know, not that that's not valuable information,

1470
01:40:50.340 --> 01:40:55.340
but I also don't know where they're at

1471
01:40:57.620 --> 01:41:02.620
and what lenses they're looking through, okay?

1472
01:41:04.140 --> 01:41:05.620
Again, like how old?

1473
01:41:05.620 --> 01:41:07.300
Your kids are probably grown.

1474
01:41:07.300 --> 01:41:08.620
All grown and they're very much.

1475
01:41:08.620 --> 01:41:11.060
When y'all separated, were they grown?

1476
01:41:11.060 --> 01:41:11.960
What's that?

1477
01:41:11.960 --> 01:41:14.540
When y'all separated, were they all grown

1478
01:41:14.540 --> 01:41:16.180
or were they still in the house?

1479
01:41:16.180 --> 01:41:17.220
Were they young?

1480
01:41:17.220 --> 01:41:21.580
Two of them were grown and in college

1481
01:41:21.580 --> 01:41:24.060
and the youngest one was 15.

1482
01:41:24.060 --> 01:41:27.300
Okay, so yeah, I mean, you still have

1483
01:41:27.300 --> 01:41:32.300
some of those younger ages, like adolescent, okay?

1484
01:41:32.580 --> 01:41:36.740
So we don't know where they're at in that process

1485
01:41:36.740 --> 01:41:40.960
of how the divorce, with the divorce, maybe not divorce,

1486
01:41:40.960 --> 01:41:44.140
I mean, the separation has done to them.

1487
01:41:44.420 --> 01:41:47.380
Again, not that that information is not valuable,

1488
01:41:47.380 --> 01:41:50.600
but we wanna take that lightly.

1489
01:41:50.600 --> 01:41:54.580
We still need to see for ourself,

1490
01:41:54.580 --> 01:41:56.080
but you do bring up something like,

1491
01:41:56.080 --> 01:41:59.100
well, we live in different states and dating,

1492
01:41:59.100 --> 01:42:00.780
so let's get creative.

1493
01:42:01.860 --> 01:42:06.860
What are some ways that you can start gathering

1494
01:42:08.520 --> 01:42:13.520
some of this information and it can be small.

1495
01:42:13.520 --> 01:42:14.600
Start small.

1496
01:42:15.520 --> 01:42:17.500
He calls you once a year.

1497
01:42:18.480 --> 01:42:21.400
Well, can you guys begin having

1498
01:42:21.400 --> 01:42:23.260
some more phone conversations?

1499
01:42:25.080 --> 01:42:27.060
Some FaceTime conversations?

1500
01:42:30.360 --> 01:42:35.360
Like where there's gonna be some opening up

1501
01:42:35.600 --> 01:42:37.200
a little bit more and being like, look,

1502
01:42:37.200 --> 01:42:39.240
and you can literally tell him,

1503
01:42:39.240 --> 01:42:44.240
I'm not saying this is where I'm at yet,

1504
01:42:48.000 --> 01:42:50.040
but you ask me every year,

1505
01:42:50.960 --> 01:42:52.760
do you wanna get back together?

1506
01:42:52.760 --> 01:42:54.760
You tell me that you've changed.

1507
01:42:54.760 --> 01:42:56.420
I hear from the kids.

1508
01:42:57.720 --> 01:43:02.720
I wanna see, I wanna witness some things.

1509
01:43:03.160 --> 01:43:05.440
I'm not saying one way or another.

1510
01:43:05.440 --> 01:43:07.720
I wanna slowly move into this.

1511
01:43:07.720 --> 01:43:12.720
Like of what would it be like for us to interact

1512
01:43:13.600 --> 01:43:17.040
with one another on a more frequent basis?

1513
01:43:17.040 --> 01:43:19.800
Not because we're looking to get back together,

1514
01:43:19.800 --> 01:43:22.960
but because we're looking to be involved

1515
01:43:22.960 --> 01:43:26.480
in each other's lives and see how we show up.

1516
01:43:26.480 --> 01:43:29.320
Do we show up the same or do we show up different?

1517
01:43:29.360 --> 01:43:31.880
In order for that reconciliation to happen,

1518
01:43:34.400 --> 01:43:36.480
you can't just have one person change.

1519
01:43:36.480 --> 01:43:38.040
Both people have had to change.

1520
01:43:39.440 --> 01:43:42.440
And you're not gonna see it until you start interacting.

1521
01:43:43.640 --> 01:43:44.480
Right.

1522
01:43:45.600 --> 01:43:46.440
So-

1523
01:43:46.440 --> 01:43:49.160
I have mentioned to him last week

1524
01:43:49.160 --> 01:43:54.160
that I don't wanna get back together.

1525
01:43:54.360 --> 01:43:56.160
I don't wanna get back together.

1526
01:43:56.280 --> 01:44:00.400
I don't wanna hear the words

1527
01:44:00.400 --> 01:44:02.440
and I don't wanna hear what the kids say.

1528
01:44:02.440 --> 01:44:05.040
I want to see the actions.

1529
01:44:05.040 --> 01:44:07.640
So he knows that, but you did make a good point

1530
01:44:07.640 --> 01:44:12.160
on letting him know just because I'm talking to him

1531
01:44:12.160 --> 01:44:16.920
or spending more time, whether it's on a phone call

1532
01:44:16.920 --> 01:44:19.200
or whatever, that it doesn't mean

1533
01:44:19.200 --> 01:44:20.440
we're getting back together.

1534
01:44:20.440 --> 01:44:24.000
So that's a good point because that's why I'm afraid

1535
01:44:24.000 --> 01:44:28.200
to encourage anything because I don't want him to think

1536
01:44:28.200 --> 01:44:30.960
that this means we're getting back together.

1537
01:44:30.960 --> 01:44:35.200
This is where you get to practice boundaries, your voice.

1538
01:44:36.680 --> 01:44:37.960
Because again, this is-

1539
01:44:37.960 --> 01:44:39.720
I used to be very flimsy.

1540
01:44:39.720 --> 01:44:43.000
And I know someone else on here had mentioned that term

1541
01:44:43.000 --> 01:44:45.560
and I'm like, yes, that's what my boundaries were.

1542
01:44:45.560 --> 01:44:46.400
We're very flimsy.

1543
01:44:46.400 --> 01:44:48.000
And so this is, that's that part of the process.

1544
01:44:48.000 --> 01:44:50.960
So this is, again, ladies, this is,

1545
01:44:50.960 --> 01:44:54.440
she does need to gather some more information about him

1546
01:44:54.440 --> 01:44:59.440
but this is also an invitation for her to gather.

1547
01:45:00.880 --> 01:45:10.880
for God to show her some information about her. She needs to know how am I going to feel around

1548
01:45:10.880 --> 01:45:18.480
him. She said something that was really, really important. Since she left, she's learned to feel

1549
01:45:18.480 --> 01:45:27.760
safe. She didn't feel safe before. Y'all, that's important. So we don't want her putting herself

1550
01:45:27.760 --> 01:45:33.360
in a situation where all of a sudden she goes backwards. So she's going to need to discover

1551
01:45:33.360 --> 01:45:41.360
some things for herself, too. If I entertain this, what's it going to do inside me?

1552
01:45:42.240 --> 01:45:47.360
Is God going to heal something in me? Is there something that's going to be revealed?

1553
01:45:47.360 --> 01:45:53.360
Is he going to show me where I've grown and healed? What's he doing inside me? Is this safe

1554
01:45:53.440 --> 01:46:00.880
for me? Is there some areas that now God can reveal to me that he can grow me deeper in

1555
01:46:00.880 --> 01:46:06.720
this healing process? Whether you get back together with him or not, what opportunities

1556
01:46:06.720 --> 01:46:19.440
is God giving you in the possibility of walking this out? I ask all the time,

1557
01:46:20.160 --> 01:46:26.480
show me a reason to not do this and to go ahead and file.

1558
01:46:28.160 --> 01:46:29.600
Are you getting anything?

1559
01:46:30.480 --> 01:46:30.880
Nothing.

1560
01:46:32.320 --> 01:46:39.440
So then here's the thing. We don't know the destination. We've been saying this for weeks.

1561
01:46:39.440 --> 01:46:42.400
We don't know that destination. We do not know what the outcome is going to look like.

1562
01:46:43.040 --> 01:46:52.000
We sit in that moment with that lamp, with that light, that lantern. This is where I love that

1563
01:46:52.000 --> 01:47:04.400
scripture. You are the lamp unto my feet and the light unto my path. It was revealed to me and it

1564
01:47:04.400 --> 01:47:13.760
was so beautiful to recognize. Go back in those biblical times when scripture was written.

1565
01:47:15.840 --> 01:47:24.880
Lanterns did not give off a lot of light in the darkness. Think about that. You go back in old

1566
01:47:24.880 --> 01:47:33.600
times for electricity, those little lanterns didn't see a whole lot. You could see what was

1567
01:47:33.600 --> 01:47:42.960
right in front of you, what you were stepping in. If you took a step and then

1568
01:47:44.400 --> 01:47:49.280
put your lamp down and kept walking, you weren't going to see what you were going to step into

1569
01:47:50.000 --> 01:47:58.720
six, seven steps ahead of you. That wasn't a thing. Because that lantern is, God is with you

1570
01:47:58.880 --> 01:48:07.040
and he's helping you by saying, I'm with you with every faithful step.

1571
01:48:09.840 --> 01:48:17.200
I'm not going to take you off path to where you can't get redirected quite easily.

1572
01:48:18.560 --> 01:48:25.280
He's right there with you. He's that light that you see each step that's in front of you.

1573
01:48:25.280 --> 01:48:33.440
You just have to make one choice, one action step. That's it. Those action steps, ladies,

1574
01:48:33.440 --> 01:48:41.360
can be scary. They're scary because we're like, okay, we step on this action step and all of a

1575
01:48:41.360 --> 01:48:45.920
sudden we think, when I take this step, it's going to automatically take me down this path.

1576
01:48:46.880 --> 01:48:52.480
What's that going to look like? Well, that's why it's scary is because we think that one step

1577
01:48:52.720 --> 01:49:03.760
determines the outcome, but it doesn't. That one step is just the one step. Then guess what? That

1578
01:49:03.760 --> 01:49:14.240
lantern gets to show us, is that next step safe or do I need to go back? We get to see that when

1579
01:49:14.240 --> 01:49:19.760
we're walking with God and we're in alignment with him. So I think right now, Karen, it's

1580
01:49:20.000 --> 01:49:29.040
what action step do you want to take? Because you're going to observe things in him. You've

1581
01:49:29.040 --> 01:49:34.800
gathered information already about him, but you've only could gather so much that you've gathered

1582
01:49:34.800 --> 01:49:40.720
with what situation you're in. Now you got to take a faithful step. What's that going to look like?

1583
01:49:41.520 --> 01:49:46.320
When you take it, what new information are you going to gather? Once you gather that information,

1584
01:49:46.320 --> 01:49:58.160
then your next step, then your next step. That's that process. The whole time, ladies,

1585
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.560
is not just about gathering information about them,

1586
01:50:03.560 --> 01:50:08.280
it's about discovering what's going on in here too.

1587
01:50:08.960 --> 01:50:11.280
Hopefully, that helped, Karen.

1588
01:50:11.280 --> 01:50:12.720
Yes, it did. Thank you.

1589
01:50:12.720 --> 01:50:13.360
Good.

1590
01:50:13.360 --> 01:50:13.720
Thank you.

1591
01:50:13.720 --> 01:50:15.120
Good. All right.

1592
01:50:15.120 --> 01:50:16.640
We're running low on time,

1593
01:50:16.640 --> 01:50:18.040
but I want to get to Lucy and Katherine,

1594
01:50:18.040 --> 01:50:20.280
and then I see Jennifer had a question in the chat,

1595
01:50:20.280 --> 01:50:21.800
and I want to get to that as well.

1596
01:50:21.800 --> 01:50:24.800
Let's keep it rolling, ladies.

1597
01:50:25.480 --> 01:50:28.440
Awesome. Thank you, Karla.

1598
01:50:29.000 --> 01:50:32.080
I'm going to give the bullet point versions.

1599
01:50:32.080 --> 01:50:32.960
Yes.

1600
01:50:32.960 --> 01:50:35.000
Okay. Bullet point number one,

1601
01:50:35.000 --> 01:50:37.440
Raul, the guy that I had the date with

1602
01:50:37.440 --> 01:50:38.760
that I've been feeling funny feelings,

1603
01:50:38.760 --> 01:50:42.440
and then it was like, oh, so crazy.

1604
01:50:42.440 --> 01:50:45.400
I said no to him.

1605
01:50:45.400 --> 01:50:47.960
He was very concerned that I was, you know,

1606
01:50:47.960 --> 01:50:49.760
shutting him down just because of one mistake,

1607
01:50:49.760 --> 01:50:51.000
and I said no.

1608
01:50:51.000 --> 01:50:53.920
Okay. Is this the one from?

1609
01:50:53.920 --> 01:50:56.400
The one that I posted about.

1610
01:50:56.400 --> 01:50:57.200
Yeah.

1611
01:50:57.240 --> 01:50:58.320
Yes.

1612
01:50:58.320 --> 01:51:00.880
Did anybody reach out to you about that?

1613
01:51:00.880 --> 01:51:02.280
Yes. Someone responded to me about that.

1614
01:51:02.280 --> 01:51:02.760
Yeah.

1615
01:51:02.760 --> 01:51:03.280
Okay.

1616
01:51:03.280 --> 01:51:04.360
Yeah.

1617
01:51:04.360 --> 01:51:06.920
I'm looking out for you, girl.

1618
01:51:06.920 --> 01:51:08.480
Oh, thanks. I appreciate it.

1619
01:51:08.480 --> 01:51:11.800
Yeah, someone responded, and I was,

1620
01:51:11.800 --> 01:51:14.960
it felt really great to know that I wasn't crazy,

1621
01:51:14.960 --> 01:51:17.440
and yeah, so that felt good.

1622
01:51:17.440 --> 01:51:19.200
That was important to me,

1623
01:51:19.200 --> 01:51:20.880
and then that's why I was just like, oh, gosh,

1624
01:51:20.880 --> 01:51:22.560
and I didn't want to, like,

1625
01:51:22.560 --> 01:51:24.040
and I didn't see you for a minute,

1626
01:51:24.040 --> 01:51:28.240
and I'm like, please tell me someone did,

1627
01:51:28.240 --> 01:51:32.920
because that was, yes.

1628
01:51:32.920 --> 01:51:34.280
So anyway, just keep going.

1629
01:51:34.280 --> 01:51:35.280
Thanks. Okay.

1630
01:51:35.280 --> 01:51:36.480
You felt the same.

1631
01:51:36.480 --> 01:51:38.480
I was shocked on the thing, you know,

1632
01:51:38.480 --> 01:51:40.000
because this guy, he was, it felt so smooth.

1633
01:51:40.000 --> 01:51:42.560
I love that you shared it, like,

1634
01:51:42.560 --> 01:51:44.480
because I think that was a really great

1635
01:51:44.480 --> 01:51:45.960
learning opportunity for everybody.

1636
01:51:45.960 --> 01:51:49.880
Ladies, I don't know if everybody got to see this.

1637
01:51:49.880 --> 01:51:51.440
She was actually talking to somebody

1638
01:51:51.440 --> 01:51:52.920
that is in our community

1639
01:51:52.920 --> 01:51:54.720
or that has been in our community.

1640
01:51:54.720 --> 01:51:57.080
I don't know if he's still in our community or not,

1641
01:51:57.080 --> 01:51:58.760
and we don't have to go into details.

1642
01:51:58.760 --> 01:51:59.760
We don't, I mean, that's what I'm saying.

1643
01:51:59.760 --> 01:52:02.920
I'm like, we're not gonna air his stuff out here either,

1644
01:52:02.920 --> 01:52:05.360
and that's why I was, like, not gonna share it,

1645
01:52:06.440 --> 01:52:10.160
because, you know, we just, we want to be honorable,

1646
01:52:11.600 --> 01:52:13.320
but I love that you shared that,

1647
01:52:13.320 --> 01:52:16.560
because, yes, just because someone's been in our community

1648
01:52:17.560 --> 01:52:22.560
doesn't always mean it's a perfect fit.

1649
01:52:23.680 --> 01:52:24.760
And it doesn't always mean

1650
01:52:24.760 --> 01:52:28.000
that they don't have yellow flags, okay?

1651
01:52:28.000 --> 01:52:31.960
And so, and I really appreciated that,

1652
01:52:31.960 --> 01:52:34.920
because we do, I mean, I was guilty of this,

1653
01:52:34.920 --> 01:52:38.160
thinking, oh, well, if he's been in the program,

1654
01:52:38.160 --> 01:52:40.840
then this has a higher,

1655
01:52:41.680 --> 01:52:44.240
like, there's a higher statistic that it can work out.

1656
01:52:44.240 --> 01:52:45.160
Yes, yeah.

1657
01:52:45.160 --> 01:52:47.520
Oh, he knows the Jackie language.

1658
01:52:47.520 --> 01:52:48.600
He knows the heart work.

1659
01:52:48.600 --> 01:52:50.760
He knows the last year single stuff.

1660
01:52:50.760 --> 01:52:52.800
Like, this just makes sense,

1661
01:52:53.800 --> 01:52:55.920
but that doesn't always mean,

1662
01:52:55.920 --> 01:52:57.640
just because they're in our community,

1663
01:52:57.640 --> 01:53:00.000
that they're your spirit mate.

1664
01:53:00.000 --> 01:53:02.480
God's not, like, doesn't mean

1665
01:53:02.480 --> 01:53:05.760
that we don't have connections in our community,

1666
01:53:05.760 --> 01:53:08.160
because we do, but it doesn't mean

1667
01:53:08.160 --> 01:53:13.040
that everyone's spirit mate is coming through this community.

1668
01:53:14.160 --> 01:53:15.880
I really thought that my spirit mate

1669
01:53:15.880 --> 01:53:17.720
was coming through this community.

1670
01:53:17.720 --> 01:53:21.760
It came in a different way, really different way.

1671
01:53:22.920 --> 01:53:25.440
So, I appreciated that you shared that.

1672
01:53:25.440 --> 01:53:27.000
So, that's good.

1673
01:53:27.000 --> 01:53:27.840
Woo, all right.

1674
01:53:27.840 --> 01:53:30.000
Yeah, and that was so helpful for me,

1675
01:53:30.000 --> 01:53:31.160
even to think about, you know,

1676
01:53:31.160 --> 01:53:33.600
there's no other guy I'm talking to,

1677
01:53:33.600 --> 01:53:36.360
or have ever dated that would have treated me like that,

1678
01:53:36.360 --> 01:53:39.560
you know, totally disregarding my feelings,

1679
01:53:39.560 --> 01:53:41.760
using anything he's been taught in these classes

1680
01:53:41.760 --> 01:53:43.560
to tell me how wrong I am.

1681
01:53:43.560 --> 01:53:44.480
Oh, scary.

1682
01:53:44.480 --> 01:53:47.280
Yeah, yes, and so, that's why I was just like,

1683
01:53:47.280 --> 01:53:49.560
if he's in our community,

1684
01:53:49.600 --> 01:53:53.720
that was an opportunity for us also,

1685
01:53:53.720 --> 01:53:54.880
if he's still in it,

1686
01:53:57.440 --> 01:53:59.360
the people that do the men stuff,

1687
01:53:59.360 --> 01:54:02.000
they can go in and help out.

1688
01:54:02.000 --> 01:54:03.240
Give a hug, yeah.

1689
01:54:03.240 --> 01:54:05.680
Yes, because it's not our job, ladies,

1690
01:54:05.680 --> 01:54:09.800
it's not our job to teach men the heart work.

1691
01:54:09.800 --> 01:54:12.440
It's not our job to teach the men what we learn here.

1692
01:54:13.440 --> 01:54:15.160
All right, let me just tell you something.

1693
01:54:15.160 --> 01:54:16.360
When you get married,

1694
01:54:16.360 --> 01:54:18.520
you're not gonna heart work your husbands.

1695
01:54:19.560 --> 01:54:21.040
That is not something,

1696
01:54:21.040 --> 01:54:22.560
like, I've had to learn that,

1697
01:54:22.560 --> 01:54:24.600
like, and I'm a coach.

1698
01:54:24.600 --> 01:54:26.480
So, it's very difficult because I,

1699
01:54:26.480 --> 01:54:27.840
and I have a gift of discernment,

1700
01:54:27.840 --> 01:54:28.680
I can see things,

1701
01:54:28.680 --> 01:54:30.440
it's very easy for me to sit here and be like,

1702
01:54:30.440 --> 01:54:32.560
well, honey, let me have you work on this.

1703
01:54:34.520 --> 01:54:36.720
It just, it doesn't work that way.

1704
01:54:36.720 --> 01:54:39.720
Like, the man is the leader of the home,

1705
01:54:39.720 --> 01:54:42.400
he's the protector, he's the covering,

1706
01:54:42.400 --> 01:54:45.320
and so, it doesn't always tend to translate.

1707
01:54:45.320 --> 01:54:50.320
Like, men don't hear that sometimes from their wives.

1708
01:54:50.800 --> 01:54:52.920
They need to hear that from God.

1709
01:54:52.920 --> 01:54:55.800
They need to hear that from other men.

1710
01:54:55.800 --> 01:55:00.800
And so, it's never your responsibility to coach men.

1711
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.560
coach and teach me on these things.

1712
01:55:01.560 --> 01:55:04.720
What's on you is, what's it doing in you?

1713
01:55:04.720 --> 01:55:06.200
You have your own responsibility.

1714
01:55:06.200 --> 01:55:07.600
So I love that Lucy did that.

1715
01:55:07.600 --> 01:55:10.560
Like she came to community and she shared it.

1716
01:55:10.560 --> 01:55:14.880
Was like, I really didn't like how this felt.

1717
01:55:14.880 --> 01:55:17.840
And she started putting up her boundaries

1718
01:55:17.840 --> 01:55:19.560
and she started communicating for herself.

1719
01:55:19.560 --> 01:55:22.700
And she's like, this is not okay.

1720
01:55:22.700 --> 01:55:25.400
And there was so much growth there.

1721
01:55:25.400 --> 01:55:26.400
And I loved it.

1722
01:55:27.520 --> 01:55:29.200
All right, I keep cutting you off and I'm sorry.

1723
01:55:29.520 --> 01:55:30.360
I'm so thankful.

1724
01:55:30.360 --> 01:55:32.400
No, thank you, thank you.

1725
01:55:32.400 --> 01:55:35.560
So big things going on right now is,

1726
01:55:37.840 --> 01:55:39.480
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with life

1727
01:55:39.480 --> 01:55:41.760
with like some health issues,

1728
01:55:41.760 --> 01:55:44.840
work-life direction, family member passing.

1729
01:55:44.840 --> 01:55:46.520
And I'm like, I just wanna quit all this,

1730
01:55:46.520 --> 01:55:48.720
go back and do my heartwork and just focus on the Lord.

1731
01:55:48.720 --> 01:55:49.920
What was so wonderful.

1732
01:55:51.360 --> 01:55:54.160
And what the other situations are.

1733
01:55:54.160 --> 01:55:56.200
So that's what I'm feeling is I just wanna cut it all off

1734
01:55:56.200 --> 01:55:58.000
and go do heartwork and get healthy physically

1735
01:55:58.000 --> 01:55:58.840
and everything.

1736
01:55:59.600 --> 01:56:00.960
And other situations,

1737
01:56:02.640 --> 01:56:07.560
there is the guy from college who's reached back out.

1738
01:56:07.560 --> 01:56:09.320
He is a doctor.

1739
01:56:09.320 --> 01:56:10.360
He lives in Australia.

1740
01:56:10.360 --> 01:56:14.120
He has a continuing education conference in the UK.

1741
01:56:14.120 --> 01:56:16.960
And he's like, oh, Iceland is so close to the UK

1742
01:56:16.960 --> 01:56:18.080
compared to Australia.

1743
01:56:18.080 --> 01:56:19.400
I'm gonna do a road trip.

1744
01:56:19.400 --> 01:56:21.520
Hey, do you wanna come and do a road trip?

1745
01:56:21.520 --> 01:56:24.840
And he made a comment like it's,

1746
01:56:24.840 --> 01:56:27.080
it wouldn't be that much of like extra cost.

1747
01:56:27.080 --> 01:56:28.880
I already have the car rented

1748
01:56:28.880 --> 01:56:31.040
and I already have the hotel and all this stuff.

1749
01:56:31.040 --> 01:56:34.120
And I was like, hang on a second.

1750
01:56:34.120 --> 01:56:35.520
So I'm gonna talk to him tonight and be like,

1751
01:56:35.520 --> 01:56:37.400
okay, you mean separate hotel rooms?

1752
01:56:37.400 --> 01:56:38.800
Do you mean separate hotel rooms?

1753
01:56:38.800 --> 01:56:40.200
Are you in Iceland?

1754
01:56:40.200 --> 01:56:42.400
No, I'm in California.

1755
01:56:42.400 --> 01:56:43.520
I was like, wait, hold on.

1756
01:56:43.520 --> 01:56:46.000
It's like, where are you?

1757
01:56:46.000 --> 01:56:46.880
California.

1758
01:56:46.880 --> 01:56:48.600
So I'm like, anyway, that'd be crazy.

1759
01:56:48.600 --> 01:56:53.600
So I think he'd be paying for me to fly out if I go.

1760
01:56:53.680 --> 01:56:55.920
And there's also the guy I reconnected with.

1761
01:56:57.320 --> 01:56:59.160
Who was my boyfriend in my 20s.

1762
01:56:59.160 --> 01:57:00.720
We were very serious moving toward marriage.

1763
01:57:00.720 --> 01:57:01.560
I was scared.

1764
01:57:02.920 --> 01:57:05.280
He has been doing such a great job.

1765
01:57:07.160 --> 01:57:10.600
He hasn't been doing like relationship growth,

1766
01:57:10.600 --> 01:57:12.680
personal growth type of stuff.

1767
01:57:12.680 --> 01:57:15.840
He reconnecting with him had a lot of wounds

1768
01:57:15.840 --> 01:57:17.160
from his brother's divorce,

1769
01:57:17.160 --> 01:57:18.880
from I'm sure things not working out with me,

1770
01:57:18.880 --> 01:57:21.120
maybe someone else too, and someone else too.

1771
01:57:22.720 --> 01:57:25.800
But every time I've communicated to him

1772
01:57:25.840 --> 01:57:29.440
something I've needed or a way that I feel valued,

1773
01:57:29.440 --> 01:57:31.240
like, hey, I feel valued by someone

1774
01:57:31.240 --> 01:57:32.600
that intentionally plants a head

1775
01:57:32.600 --> 01:57:34.240
because I know they're thinking about me

1776
01:57:34.240 --> 01:57:38.520
and whatever I communicate, he does.

1777
01:57:38.520 --> 01:57:40.880
And then when we've had an issue

1778
01:57:40.880 --> 01:57:42.640
and I've been like, oh, something doesn't seem right,

1779
01:57:42.640 --> 01:57:44.000
like I've jumped on and called him

1780
01:57:44.000 --> 01:57:46.200
and he was like, oh, I just,

1781
01:57:46.200 --> 01:57:48.200
I pulled back because I know you don't like to text a lot.

1782
01:57:48.200 --> 01:57:51.400
So I was afraid that me asking you questions was, you know.

1783
01:57:51.400 --> 01:57:54.240
So I can tell he's thinking about me a lot.

1784
01:57:54.240 --> 01:57:56.800
So yeah, so you're seeing some growth there.

1785
01:57:56.800 --> 01:57:58.400
You're seeing some change.

1786
01:57:58.400 --> 01:58:03.160
So that sounds like it's pacing really nicely.

1787
01:58:03.160 --> 01:58:05.120
It's definitely feels really slow to me

1788
01:58:05.120 --> 01:58:08.440
because I think of all the other guys that are messaging me,

1789
01:58:08.440 --> 01:58:09.520
not all the other guys right now.

1790
01:58:09.520 --> 01:58:13.240
I haven't been that many in the last month, but yeah.

1791
01:58:13.240 --> 01:58:16.000
But right now it's like, you're not exclusive right now.

1792
01:58:16.000 --> 01:58:16.840
No, we're not exclusive.

1793
01:58:16.840 --> 01:58:18.640
You're just gathering information.

1794
01:58:18.640 --> 01:58:21.400
It's that discovery dating.

1795
01:58:21.400 --> 01:58:22.600
Yeah.

1796
01:58:22.600 --> 01:58:25.520
And so you're, this is the process.

1797
01:58:25.520 --> 01:58:28.840
This is, you know, it's gonna feel a little different,

1798
01:58:28.840 --> 01:58:31.200
might feel a little awkward,

1799
01:58:31.200 --> 01:58:34.880
but you're not doing anything dishonoring.

1800
01:58:34.880 --> 01:58:35.720
Thanks.

1801
01:58:35.720 --> 01:58:38.040
You're opening your communication.

1802
01:58:38.040 --> 01:58:41.360
You're like, you're doing all of that.

1803
01:58:41.360 --> 01:58:42.360
So that's good.

1804
01:58:42.360 --> 01:58:45.640
And I like that with this guy about going on the road trip,

1805
01:58:46.640 --> 01:58:48.080
separate hotel rooms.

1806
01:58:48.080 --> 01:58:49.760
Oh yeah, oh yeah.

1807
01:58:49.760 --> 01:58:51.520
Like the fact that you, I'm like, thank you.

1808
01:58:51.520 --> 01:58:52.680
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1809
01:58:52.680 --> 01:58:54.680
Like that is good.

1810
01:58:54.680 --> 01:58:58.080
Like these are all good things to be thinking about

1811
01:58:58.080 --> 01:59:03.080
so that you are like, I can tell in the several,

1812
01:59:03.240 --> 01:59:06.320
especially cause I know you've popped in and out,

1813
01:59:06.320 --> 01:59:09.160
but, and don't like, there's nothing wrong with that.

1814
01:59:09.160 --> 01:59:11.520
I'm not saying that cause there's anything wrong with it.

1815
01:59:11.520 --> 01:59:15.720
I'm saying it because I'm seeing the growth in you.

1816
01:59:16.720 --> 01:59:19.360
I'm seeing how this heartwork really is working.

1817
01:59:19.360 --> 01:59:21.480
And so I wanna go back to what you said,

1818
01:59:22.240 --> 01:59:23.440
you were like, I'm overwhelmed.

1819
01:59:23.440 --> 01:59:26.160
I feel like I just wanna put pause and go back to heartwork.

1820
01:59:26.160 --> 01:59:27.720
I wanna encourage you.

1821
01:59:28.640 --> 01:59:30.480
It's okay to pause things.

1822
01:59:32.200 --> 01:59:35.200
And heartwork is continual.

1823
01:59:37.560 --> 01:59:40.000
It's learning how, ladies,

1824
01:59:40.000 --> 01:59:43.760
it's learning how to navigate heartwork

1825
01:59:43.760 --> 01:59:45.440
in the middle of life.

1826
01:59:46.440 --> 01:59:48.200
That's what phase two is all about.

1827
01:59:49.200 --> 01:59:50.040
Okay.

1828
01:59:50.040 --> 01:59:53.760
That's why I love, that's why I love this phase so much.

1829
01:59:54.760 --> 01:59:57.640
They try to move me out of coaching here before.

1830
01:59:58.880 --> 01:59:59.720
Like having.

1831
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:01.420
go coach in phase one.

1832
02:00:01.420 --> 02:00:04.460
And I'm like, I want to stay here.

1833
02:00:04.460 --> 02:00:08.340
Because I love what we do here.

1834
02:00:10.620 --> 02:00:15.620
It really is this bridge of phase one and phase three.

1835
02:00:19.740 --> 02:00:21.540
And it really does give us,

1836
02:00:22.660 --> 02:00:25.540
you ladies, if you utilize this phase

1837
02:00:26.260 --> 02:00:30.300
to the best of your ability and really partner with God

1838
02:00:30.300 --> 02:00:32.420
and really help follow that process

1839
02:00:32.420 --> 02:00:34.100
that we really try to,

1840
02:00:34.100 --> 02:00:35.800
because again, we don't have rules,

1841
02:00:35.800 --> 02:00:36.940
we have guardrails,

1842
02:00:38.500 --> 02:00:43.000
but you really are going to gain so much confidence

1843
02:00:44.000 --> 02:00:49.000
in how to apply heartwork into relationships,

1844
02:00:49.100 --> 02:00:54.100
not just dating relationships, but overall.

1845
02:00:54.940 --> 02:00:57.300
In all relationships.

1846
02:00:57.300 --> 02:00:59.340
And you're gonna see the growth in you.

1847
02:00:59.340 --> 02:01:03.020
And then, then ladies, you're gonna realize,

1848
02:01:03.020 --> 02:01:05.360
okay, I can move to phase three.

1849
02:01:06.660 --> 02:01:07.700
There is going to,

1850
02:01:07.700 --> 02:01:10.940
like, you're gonna feel like you're released

1851
02:01:10.940 --> 02:01:14.860
to go to phase three because you're like, I got this.

1852
02:01:14.860 --> 02:01:17.340
I've got the confidence.

1853
02:01:17.340 --> 02:01:19.140
I'm ready.

1854
02:01:19.140 --> 02:01:21.420
I've worked this process out.

1855
02:01:21.460 --> 02:01:23.900
I've been in the smaller group working this out.

1856
02:01:25.060 --> 02:01:28.120
And so, Lucy, I've seen that in you.

1857
02:01:29.060 --> 02:01:32.700
And you are doing this and pacing yourself really well,

1858
02:01:32.700 --> 02:01:37.100
asking great questions and honoring yourself,

1859
02:01:37.100 --> 02:01:40.980
honoring the process, honoring the heartwork.

1860
02:01:40.980 --> 02:01:43.140
And so, you know, it is learning.

1861
02:01:43.140 --> 02:01:46.500
Like, life is still gonna happen

1862
02:01:46.500 --> 02:01:48.700
even after your spirit mate comes.

1863
02:01:49.700 --> 02:01:51.500
Heartwork is still gonna show up

1864
02:01:52.780 --> 02:01:55.220
with or without your spirit mate,

1865
02:01:55.220 --> 02:01:59.060
especially with your spirit mate, the heartwork still comes.

1866
02:01:59.060 --> 02:01:59.900
I learned that.

1867
02:02:01.780 --> 02:02:03.540
All right, it shows, it does.

1868
02:02:03.540 --> 02:02:08.540
And I'm learning how to navigate heartwork in a new season.

1869
02:02:10.820 --> 02:02:15.820
And that's why I love this phase so much

1870
02:02:15.900 --> 02:02:20.620
because this is where we really get to apply it

1871
02:02:20.620 --> 02:02:25.420
and really set you ladies with a strong foundation.

1872
02:02:27.100 --> 02:02:27.940
Okay?

1873
02:02:29.300 --> 02:02:30.700
All right, Catherine,

1874
02:02:30.700 --> 02:02:34.300
and then I'm gonna answer Jennifer's question quickly.

1875
02:02:34.300 --> 02:02:36.180
And then I'm gonna have to get us off

1876
02:02:36.180 --> 02:02:38.220
because we are, like, way over.

1877
02:02:38.220 --> 02:02:39.700
That's my fault.

1878
02:02:39.700 --> 02:02:41.860
But I love where these questions are going.

1879
02:02:43.060 --> 02:02:43.900
Thanks.

1880
02:02:43.980 --> 02:02:44.820
You're welcome.

1881
02:02:44.820 --> 02:02:47.340
Something else that I wrote in the chat.

1882
02:02:47.340 --> 02:02:48.300
Yes.

1883
02:02:48.300 --> 02:02:53.300
Yeah, so I've been dating this guy for maybe six weeks

1884
02:02:55.500 --> 02:02:57.540
and he has autism.

1885
02:02:57.540 --> 02:03:00.060
So I noticed that he's, like,

1886
02:03:00.060 --> 02:03:03.220
talking a little bit different than me.

1887
02:03:03.220 --> 02:03:05.340
I see a lot of green flags,

1888
02:03:05.340 --> 02:03:09.020
but a week ago he came to visit me

1889
02:03:09.020 --> 02:03:11.780
because he lives, like, four hours away.

1890
02:03:12.380 --> 02:03:17.380
And there was, like, this,

1891
02:03:17.940 --> 02:03:20.060
I don't remember exactly what it was,

1892
02:03:20.060 --> 02:03:23.980
but it was something happening that hurt me.

1893
02:03:23.980 --> 02:03:27.140
And he asked for forgiveness.

1894
02:03:27.140 --> 02:03:31.460
And yeah, so that was a heavy conversation.

1895
02:03:31.460 --> 02:03:34.660
And then, but we worked through it.

1896
02:03:34.660 --> 02:03:37.100
And, you know, it worked out.

1897
02:03:37.100 --> 02:03:40.820
And then later in the evening,

1898
02:03:40.860 --> 02:03:44.860
like, it was just something triggering

1899
02:03:44.860 --> 02:03:47.700
by the way that he left to me.

1900
02:03:47.700 --> 02:03:49.060
Okay.

1901
02:03:49.060 --> 02:03:53.500
And then later in the evening,

1902
02:03:53.500 --> 02:03:55.580
he said that he wanted to, like,

1903
02:03:55.580 --> 02:03:57.220
apologize for that and stuff.

1904
02:03:57.220 --> 02:04:00.580
And so we talked about that the next day.

1905
02:04:00.580 --> 02:04:03.180
And I felt then that it was, like,

1906
02:04:03.180 --> 02:04:05.740
a lot of heavy conversation already.

1907
02:04:05.740 --> 02:04:07.020
Okay.

1908
02:04:07.020 --> 02:04:09.740
And then later in the day,

1909
02:04:09.740 --> 02:04:13.580
he was, like, I don't remember exactly what it was,

1910
02:04:13.580 --> 02:04:18.580
but he initiated a conversation

1911
02:04:18.980 --> 02:04:21.180
about something that I had said

1912
02:04:21.180 --> 02:04:24.420
that he wanted me to say in a different way.

1913
02:04:24.420 --> 02:04:26.940
And I think, like, that is his autism.

1914
02:04:26.940 --> 02:04:31.940
Like, he said, can you just say it in this way?

1915
02:04:32.020 --> 02:04:35.860
And it was, like, exactly word for word thing.

1916
02:04:35.860 --> 02:04:39.540
And then I told him that, you know what?

1917
02:04:40.540 --> 02:04:43.140
This is taking away my freedom.

1918
02:04:43.140 --> 02:04:46.700
And if you want someone that, you know,

1919
02:04:46.700 --> 02:04:49.780
will do it exactly the way that you want it,

1920
02:04:49.780 --> 02:04:52.020
I don't think that we're a good match.

1921
02:04:52.020 --> 02:04:54.860
I was actually saying it like that.

1922
02:04:54.860 --> 02:04:57.980
And then he went on to, like,

1923
02:04:59.380 --> 02:05:00.220
I mean,

1924
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:10.000
I think we worked it out because he said that maybe you don't have to say it exactly like that and, you know, but, um...

1925
02:05:10.000 --> 02:05:13.000
Was this the first time you guys had met in person?

1926
02:05:13.000 --> 02:05:14.000
What did you say?

1927
02:05:14.000 --> 02:05:16.000
Was this the first time you all met in person?

1928
02:05:16.000 --> 02:05:18.000
No, it was the third time.

1929
02:05:18.000 --> 02:05:19.000
Okay.

1930
02:05:19.000 --> 02:05:24.000
But it was the first time that we had, like, more of a long stretch together.

1931
02:05:24.000 --> 02:05:26.000
Okay, that's good.

1932
02:05:26.000 --> 02:05:33.000
But my question is, like, is it normal to have that much, like, heavy conversation this early?

1933
02:05:33.000 --> 02:05:36.000
Well, you are long distance, okay?

1934
02:05:36.000 --> 02:05:39.000
So, um...

1935
02:05:39.000 --> 02:05:42.000
That will switch things up a little bit, okay?

1936
02:05:42.000 --> 02:05:44.000
Um...

1937
02:05:44.000 --> 02:05:47.000
Because...

1938
02:05:47.000 --> 02:05:51.000
Four hours is a big, like, that's a big chunk, okay?

1939
02:05:51.000 --> 02:05:56.000
So there is going to be a little bit of an accelerated feel to it, okay?

1940
02:05:56.000 --> 02:05:58.000
So that's...

1941
02:05:58.000 --> 02:06:02.000
That is not uncommon.

1942
02:06:02.000 --> 02:06:04.000
Okay?

1943
02:06:04.000 --> 02:06:11.000
But I don't want you to focus on is this normal, is this not normal, is this common, is this not uncommon?

1944
02:06:11.000 --> 02:06:12.000
That's...

1945
02:06:12.000 --> 02:06:13.000
We're not...

1946
02:06:13.000 --> 02:06:14.000
That's not what we want to look at the situation.

1947
02:06:14.000 --> 02:06:17.000
We really want to say, okay, this is the situation.

1948
02:06:17.000 --> 02:06:22.000
This is the experience that God is inviting me into.

1949
02:06:22.000 --> 02:06:26.000
So what is it that God is wanting to reveal to me?

1950
02:06:26.000 --> 02:06:30.000
What's the opportunity here?

1951
02:06:30.000 --> 02:06:33.000
That's the invitation.

1952
02:06:33.000 --> 02:06:43.000
When I was thinking about it, when it was this heavy, I just felt like it reminded me a lot of the pattern that I had with my ex

1953
02:06:43.000 --> 02:06:47.000
that I really don't want to be in again.

1954
02:06:47.000 --> 02:06:49.000
I mean, that kind of scared me.

1955
02:06:49.000 --> 02:06:58.000
And I don't think I asked, like, is this normal, but more, isn't it supposed to be light?

1956
02:06:58.000 --> 02:07:01.000
I was just like, I want it to be light.

1957
02:07:01.000 --> 02:07:02.000
Well, that's what I'm saying.

1958
02:07:02.000 --> 02:07:04.000
And it's really how it's supposed to feel.

1959
02:07:04.000 --> 02:07:05.000
Yep.

1960
02:07:05.000 --> 02:07:06.000
There's that.

1961
02:07:06.000 --> 02:07:12.000
And that's that piece of certainty, that outcome, that we want it to look the way we want it to look.

1962
02:07:12.000 --> 02:07:18.000
And then if it doesn't show up the way we want it to look, it's like all of a sudden we're like, oh, what am I supposed to do with this?

1963
02:07:18.000 --> 02:07:20.000
Like, I don't know how I feel.

1964
02:07:20.000 --> 02:07:23.000
And then we start feeling confused.

1965
02:07:23.000 --> 02:07:25.000
We start maybe getting anxious.

1966
02:07:25.000 --> 02:07:28.000
We might want to cut and run, or we might want to start clinging.

1967
02:07:28.000 --> 02:07:31.000
Like, our attachment starts coming out.

1968
02:07:31.000 --> 02:07:36.000
We don't know those triggers happen.

1969
02:07:37.000 --> 02:07:43.000
We start recognizing how it feels familiar from past experiences.

1970
02:07:43.000 --> 02:07:49.000
And so now our body's in this old pattern.

1971
02:07:49.000 --> 02:07:58.000
And so now do you see where all of a sudden, like, that clarity gets distorted and we got those trauma lenses on.

1972
02:07:58.000 --> 02:08:07.000
So now we're in this opportunity, like, you're recognizing a feeling and a pattern what's scaring you.

1973
02:08:07.000 --> 02:08:12.000
So now you get to go into that deeper connection with the Lord.

1974
02:08:12.000 --> 02:08:16.000
Be like, okay, what are you showing me here?

1975
02:08:16.000 --> 02:08:18.000
You're getting information.

1976
02:08:18.000 --> 02:08:21.000
There's some good information that you're getting from this guy.

1977
02:08:21.000 --> 02:08:22.000
All right.

1978
02:08:23.000 --> 02:08:30.000
You're getting, like, he's let you know about, you know, did he tell you he has autism?

1979
02:08:30.000 --> 02:08:33.000
It said so in his profile.

1980
02:08:33.000 --> 02:08:36.000
He's being open about that.

1981
02:08:36.000 --> 02:08:37.000
Okay.

1982
02:08:37.000 --> 02:08:40.000
This is where you get to be curious.

1983
02:08:40.000 --> 02:08:41.000
Okay.

1984
02:08:41.000 --> 02:08:49.000
You're learning about what is this like to date someone that's on, that has this, you know, has autism.

1985
02:08:49.000 --> 02:08:51.000
It's going to look a little different.

1986
02:08:51.000 --> 02:08:52.000
But here's the thing.

1987
02:08:52.000 --> 02:08:56.000
Every relationship that you get into with somebody is going to look different.

1988
02:08:56.000 --> 02:08:57.000
Whether they have autism or not.

1989
02:08:57.000 --> 02:08:59.000
Like, everybody has different personality.

1990
02:08:59.000 --> 02:09:00.000
Yeah.

1991
02:09:00.000 --> 02:09:05.000
Like, this is just, this is going to have a little bit more research.

1992
02:09:05.000 --> 02:09:10.000
You're going to have a little bit more, you know, you probably find out a lot more information.

1993
02:09:10.000 --> 02:09:20.000
Have more resources to kind of learn how to navigate relationship with someone that processes a little differently than you.

1994
02:09:20.000 --> 02:09:21.000
Because here's the thing.

1995
02:09:21.000 --> 02:09:23.000
We all process different than anybody.

1996
02:09:23.000 --> 02:09:27.000
Like, our process is always going to show up differently than somebody else's process.

1997
02:09:27.000 --> 02:09:31.000
Like, the way I process things and the way my husband processes things, completely different.

1998
02:09:31.000 --> 02:09:35.000
And neither one of us have autism, but we still process differently.

1999
02:09:35.000 --> 02:09:38.000
I still can't figure him out and he doesn't figure me out.

2000
02:09:38.000 --> 02:09:43.000
Like, sometimes I'm like, it would be nice if somebody wrote a book on how my husband processes.

2001
02:09:43.000 --> 02:09:46.000
So I could read it and figure it out.

2002
02:09:47.000 --> 02:09:53.000
And then it would be nice if he would go grab a book on how I process things and learn how to show up in that way.

2003
02:09:53.000 --> 02:09:55.000
We don't get that, though.

2004
02:09:55.000 --> 02:09:58.000
So this, you're getting some information.

2005
02:09:58.000 --> 02:10:00.000
And so.

2006
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:09.440
it's you're getting to walk this out is it feeling a little intense yes yeah it is because there is

2007
02:10:09.440 --> 02:10:16.320
there is a little bit of intensity with that and that's now that's going to start exposing some

2008
02:10:16.320 --> 02:10:24.080
triggers from your past so let's spend some time with the lord and figure out okay gov what are

2009
02:10:24.080 --> 02:10:32.800
you trying to reveal to me what are you showing me what where are you in all of this lord okay

2010
02:10:34.400 --> 02:10:40.000
how do you mean the triggers the like what is it showing me yeah what are those triggers showing

2011
02:10:40.000 --> 02:10:44.320
you so then it's now it's let's walk through that heart work let's go back to that revealing for

2012
02:10:44.320 --> 02:10:52.640
healing cycle this is where now we are we're applying the phase one material to phase two

2013
02:10:52.640 --> 02:11:01.440
real life situation yeah okay we don't put things on pause per se in a situation like

2014
02:11:01.440 --> 02:11:08.480
i cut and run it's now i have to make a decision with this information i'm gonna stay open and

2015
02:11:08.480 --> 02:11:15.920
communicate and god god gets to be in charge of this too he gets to kind of navigate it too

2016
02:11:15.920 --> 02:11:21.680
however you show up you got another person now and however they decide to show up is going to

2017
02:11:21.680 --> 02:11:31.520
impact that decision okay this this guy is showing you he's willing to stay open and at first he was

2018
02:11:31.520 --> 02:11:39.120
like okay you've got to say it this way and that didn't feel good to you i'm guessing you kind of

2019
02:11:39.120 --> 02:11:46.080
voiced that like this and so now he's now he's got some things that god's gonna have to show in him

2020
02:11:46.960 --> 02:11:53.040
and he's now making a decision for himself well now whether he's going to the lord with it or not

2021
02:11:53.040 --> 02:11:58.800
we don't know and now he's saying okay well maybe you don't have to say it like that

2022
02:11:59.760 --> 02:12:03.360
but you both are learning information you're learning information about each other

2023
02:12:04.480 --> 02:12:10.160
and then you have the opportunity to learn information about you and how god wants to use

2024
02:12:10.160 --> 02:12:15.520
that in you we don't get to decide if he's doing that on him yet you guys are still in the early

2025
02:12:15.520 --> 02:12:24.880
stages yeah okay does that make sense does that help yeah yeah keep and keep ladies and keep

2026
02:12:24.880 --> 02:12:33.440
making sure we do not want you all walking through these situations alone like don't wait for

2027
02:12:33.440 --> 02:12:39.360
tuesdays come in the app let us know what you're going through and processing i don't want you to

2028
02:12:39.360 --> 02:12:46.320
wait a whole week if you if you need to share share it i mean if y'all need to come into the

2029
02:12:46.320 --> 02:12:55.200
app and have three or four posts in a day i don't care all right we'll get to it you know we might

2030
02:12:55.200 --> 02:13:02.960
not be able to get to that in that hour but myself and ebony we we tag team it we really work hard on

2031
02:13:02.960 --> 02:13:08.400
you know making sure that we try to get to y'all at least in a 24 48 hour time period especially

2032
02:13:08.480 --> 02:13:12.240
the weekends because sometimes weekends we you know we have to take time for our families and

2033
02:13:12.240 --> 02:13:21.920
stuff like that too but um but yeah we really do try to tag team that so don't disappear thinking

2034
02:13:22.800 --> 02:13:27.680
i've got to wait till tuesday you know we want you they come in and do those processes with us

2035
02:13:28.720 --> 02:13:35.600
okay all right i'm gonna go run up real quick to do um jennifer's question

2036
02:13:35.920 --> 02:13:40.880
um she's like i'm dating um she's like i'm guessing she's like i'm dating yet but i'm

2037
02:13:40.880 --> 02:13:45.520
noticing i'm thinking she's not dating yet but i noticing my mind goes to thinking about physical

2038
02:13:45.520 --> 02:13:54.080
intimacy is it normal especially since i've had that experience before um is it is this also god

2039
02:13:54.080 --> 02:14:01.280
can start to stir because that season is coming i think yeah so y'all like physical intimacy

2040
02:14:02.240 --> 02:14:10.720
is part of marriage y'all like you'll hear jackie coach about that stuff like it's

2041
02:14:11.760 --> 02:14:21.200
like your body is gonna get excited about it all right so that is definitely something

2042
02:14:22.480 --> 02:14:30.320
that will start coming up because once you start dating hey carla can i clarify something

2043
02:14:30.320 --> 02:14:36.960
yes go for it please thank you yeah no uh i i'm working and that did not come out right

2044
02:14:36.960 --> 02:14:44.560
i've never had i've never had that experience before okay ever because i've never been okay

2045
02:14:44.560 --> 02:14:51.040
in a relationship before um so i have noticed especially like with doing the heart work and

2046
02:14:51.040 --> 02:14:56.560
coming out of phase one and coming into phase two that's been coming to my mind a lot more

2047
02:14:56.560 --> 02:14:59.760
and i'm just wondering if that is normal if that's something that maybe got it

2048
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:07.000
doing to bring up because since that is coming and I'm praying that it does for my own marriage,

2049
02:15:07.000 --> 02:15:10.840
you know, that being normal, I don't know how to steward it.

2050
02:15:10.840 --> 02:15:15.800
So let me ask you, what is surfacing?

2051
02:15:15.800 --> 02:15:17.100
Tell me about the feeling.

2052
02:15:17.100 --> 02:15:18.440
Is it excitement?

2053
02:15:18.440 --> 02:15:19.440
Is it fear?

2054
02:15:19.440 --> 02:15:20.440
Fear.

2055
02:15:20.440 --> 02:15:21.440
Fear.

2056
02:15:21.440 --> 02:15:22.440
That makes it.

2057
02:15:22.440 --> 02:15:24.520
Yes, that is normal.

2058
02:15:24.520 --> 02:15:26.240
That is normal.

2059
02:15:26.240 --> 02:15:34.840
Because you haven't experienced it before, y'all, like that is totally normal.

2060
02:15:34.840 --> 02:15:41.260
So yeah, he could be bringing it to the surface because he might want to start revealing to

2061
02:15:41.260 --> 02:15:48.340
you what are some of the beliefs that you have around physical intimacy in marriage

2062
02:15:48.340 --> 02:15:53.880
or physical intimacy in general.

2063
02:15:53.880 --> 02:15:59.560
Let me ask, when we think about physical intimacy, we've never had those experience.

2064
02:15:59.560 --> 02:16:05.480
Like many of us grew up in that purity culture, that church purity culture.

2065
02:16:05.480 --> 02:16:06.480
Yeah.

2066
02:16:06.480 --> 02:16:07.480
Present.

2067
02:16:07.480 --> 02:16:08.480
Yep.

2068
02:16:08.480 --> 02:16:13.240
So what beliefs, what beliefs do you have about it?

2069
02:16:13.240 --> 02:16:17.600
Is that starting to surface some concern?

2070
02:16:17.600 --> 02:16:22.840
It's a mixture of different things that it stems from how I was exposed to it early by

2071
02:16:22.840 --> 02:16:26.320
my own dad in an unhealthy way.

2072
02:16:26.320 --> 02:16:30.480
And then just stuff I saw growing up in school and then growing up in purity culture and

2073
02:16:30.480 --> 02:16:36.600
then just, just, just suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing.

2074
02:16:36.600 --> 02:16:43.240
And now that I'm 39 and I'm going to be 40 in February, I don't know how to steward this.

2075
02:16:43.240 --> 02:16:48.959
And then there's the temptations of because I have been single, I've never been in a relationship

2076
02:16:48.959 --> 02:16:56.200
and dealing with that part of loneliness and then with hair loss and being openly bald

2077
02:16:56.200 --> 02:16:57.200
woman.

2078
02:16:57.200 --> 02:16:59.000
Just it's, it's multi-layered for me.

2079
02:16:59.000 --> 02:17:00.959
Yeah, no, that's good.

2080
02:17:00.959 --> 02:17:06.000
And so that's, yeah, I think this is, this is, this is such a good question.

2081
02:17:06.000 --> 02:17:12.280
I'm so glad that you asked it because you know, as Christian women, especially if we've

2082
02:17:12.280 --> 02:17:18.480
never been married and we've never had that experience before that, that does come up

2083
02:17:18.480 --> 02:17:23.639
and like, you know, like that's, that's why I brought up that purity culture because so

2084
02:17:23.639 --> 02:17:28.240
many of us that grew up in that purity culture and that's a lot of us in this community are

2085
02:17:28.240 --> 02:17:37.200
in that age bracket and we've learned to suppress it because we've learned that it's bad.

2086
02:17:37.200 --> 02:17:42.200
We're not like, you have to save that for marriage, right?

2087
02:17:42.200 --> 02:17:51.280
But what happens if when we were younger, we didn't get to control that, what we got

2088
02:17:51.280 --> 02:18:01.360
exposed to, what we saw, what we maybe experienced, what we were put in situations, you know,

2089
02:18:01.360 --> 02:18:10.680
how it was instilled in our home was, is there, is there guilt and shame attached with it?

2090
02:18:10.680 --> 02:18:16.400
Is there, is there other stuff that's attached with that?

2091
02:18:16.400 --> 02:18:26.400
And so it's funny cause I actually was just listening to something recently that we have,

2092
02:18:26.400 --> 02:18:35.360
you have this extreme, like people that are waiting for marriage, you, that intimacy,

2093
02:18:35.360 --> 02:18:37.920
that relationship in marriage is important.

2094
02:18:37.920 --> 02:18:41.639
Sex and marriage is, is a big, is a big thing.

2095
02:18:41.639 --> 02:18:43.559
It's a beautiful thing.

2096
02:18:43.559 --> 02:18:53.680
And so for a lot of us that had that purity culture, we get married and then it's like,

2097
02:18:53.680 --> 02:18:57.040
we got to flip a switch and now all of a sudden we got to be okay with this.

2098
02:18:57.040 --> 02:18:59.000
This is, this is weird.

2099
02:18:59.000 --> 02:19:00.719
This is uncomfortable.

2100
02:19:00.719 --> 02:19:04.680
And so that's not uncommon for those things to come up.

2101
02:19:04.680 --> 02:19:10.680
And so I love that you're asking the questions like, okay, now how do I steward this?

2102
02:19:10.680 --> 02:19:16.280
And I think Jennifer, what you're doing right now is, is stewarding it.

2103
02:19:16.280 --> 02:19:18.440
You're getting curious.

2104
02:19:18.440 --> 02:19:27.160
So let's sit with that and say, okay, God, you're bringing this up.

2105
02:19:27.160 --> 02:19:30.480
I'm getting these feelings of fear.

2106
02:19:30.480 --> 02:19:32.440
Where does that come from?

2107
02:19:32.440 --> 02:19:33.440
What do you want to reveal?

2108
02:19:33.440 --> 02:19:36.680
And what do you want to show me?

2109
02:19:36.680 --> 02:19:44.559
And ask him, Lord, you created sex for marriage.

2110
02:19:44.559 --> 02:19:48.600
You give us good things.

2111
02:19:48.600 --> 02:19:56.720
So you wouldn't put me in a marriage to make me not enjoy this or it to be a bad thing.

2112
02:19:56.720 --> 02:20:00.080
So God, what is it that I'm believing?

2113
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:07.680
evening that may have been distorted because of what I experienced when I was younger and

2114
02:20:07.680 --> 02:20:11.640
what the church, here's the thing.

2115
02:20:11.640 --> 02:20:18.680
The church maybe influenced us in our thinking and the intentionality, like I don't ever

2116
02:20:18.680 --> 02:20:27.160
believe that when that purity culture came, I do not think it was from a place of maliciousness

2117
02:20:27.160 --> 02:20:32.000
that it was from an intent of to harm Christians.

2118
02:20:32.000 --> 02:20:39.000
I really do think it was a way to like teach Christians to really like say, you know, to

2119
02:20:39.000 --> 02:20:41.240
protect that.

2120
02:20:41.240 --> 02:20:46.160
Unfortunately, it got distorted.

2121
02:20:46.160 --> 02:20:54.700
And so we now get to be like, okay, how did this get distorted?

2122
02:20:54.700 --> 02:20:56.000
What did I believe?

2123
02:20:56.000 --> 02:21:04.300
And Lord, now where can I start coming in alignment with what you actually are saying?

2124
02:21:04.300 --> 02:21:07.220
Like what am I afraid of?

2125
02:21:07.220 --> 02:21:09.420
What do I need to heal from?

2126
02:21:09.420 --> 02:21:11.820
And we get to start breaking that down.

2127
02:21:11.820 --> 02:21:13.860
That's how you steward that.

2128
02:21:13.860 --> 02:21:17.340
And this is not going to be something like all of a sudden overnight, it's like massive

2129
02:21:17.340 --> 02:21:18.980
breakthrough, right?

2130
02:21:18.980 --> 02:21:23.420
It's one step at a time.

2131
02:21:23.420 --> 02:21:29.360
It's, you know, getting vulnerable with the Lord, going before him, it's, you know, finding

2132
02:21:29.360 --> 02:21:35.720
your community, it's getting the coaching and seeking the wise counsel, like, hey, this

2133
02:21:35.720 --> 02:21:37.240
is one thing I'm scared about.

2134
02:21:37.240 --> 02:21:40.880
And here's why this is one thing I believe.

2135
02:21:40.880 --> 02:21:46.440
And this is why I think this is what God is showing me.

2136
02:21:46.440 --> 02:21:47.840
And this is what I'm struggling with.

2137
02:21:47.840 --> 02:21:52.480
And then you have people walk alongside you and we get to navigate that road with you

2138
02:21:52.540 --> 02:21:55.780
and help you steward it.

2139
02:21:55.780 --> 02:21:56.780
Does that make sense?

2140
02:21:56.780 --> 02:21:57.780
Is that?

2141
02:21:57.780 --> 02:21:58.780
Yeah.

2142
02:21:58.780 --> 02:22:04.060
So I want you to spend time this week because this is a really good question.

2143
02:22:04.060 --> 02:22:11.620
I think a lot of women would really respect and value this process.

2144
02:22:11.620 --> 02:22:18.760
So if you're willing to help walk us through that and, you know, share some of these things

2145
02:22:18.760 --> 02:22:26.160
with us as you process through and we can come alongside you and navigate that with

2146
02:22:26.160 --> 02:22:27.160
you.

2147
02:22:27.160 --> 02:22:28.160
Okay.

2148
02:22:28.160 --> 02:22:31.520
Does that, how does that sound?

2149
02:22:31.520 --> 02:22:32.520
That sounds fine.

2150
02:22:32.520 --> 02:22:33.520
Okay.

2151
02:22:33.520 --> 02:22:34.520
So think about that.

2152
02:22:34.520 --> 02:22:38.360
Pray about that.

2153
02:22:38.360 --> 02:22:42.560
I'm still looking at the chat here.

2154
02:22:42.560 --> 02:22:46.520
So yes, see, Kelly is right there.

2155
02:22:46.520 --> 02:22:49.600
It's like, she can relate to what you're asking.

2156
02:22:49.600 --> 02:22:51.700
And she's been dealing with it too.

2157
02:22:51.700 --> 02:22:57.600
So I don't, see ladies, when y'all ask these questions, a lot of times they're not just

2158
02:22:57.600 --> 02:23:01.760
something that is surfacing in you for you.

2159
02:23:01.760 --> 02:23:06.720
It's surfacing because the community needs to hear it too.

2160
02:23:06.720 --> 02:23:09.280
Like God is going to reveal something here.

2161
02:23:09.280 --> 02:23:14.440
God wants to unpack things in the community with this.

2162
02:23:14.440 --> 02:23:18.080
And I think this is an amazing question.

2163
02:23:18.080 --> 02:23:19.080
So I love it.

2164
02:23:19.080 --> 02:23:20.560
I love it.

2165
02:23:20.560 --> 02:23:26.280
So let's dig into that this week and who knows, maybe next Tuesday our teaching can be a little

2166
02:23:26.280 --> 02:23:30.680
bit more about that, about the physical intimacy.

2167
02:23:30.680 --> 02:23:33.240
We can always, you know, talk about that boundaries.

2168
02:23:33.240 --> 02:23:34.240
What's that look like?

2169
02:23:34.240 --> 02:23:35.240
How do we protect that?

2170
02:23:35.240 --> 02:23:41.840
Like, you know, how do we break off some of those purity culture mindsets, things of that

2171
02:23:41.840 --> 02:23:42.840
nature.

2172
02:23:42.840 --> 02:23:46.960
So we'll talk about that this week for our next call.

2173
02:23:46.960 --> 02:23:53.600
I'll pray into that pretty heavy as well to see what God wants to reveal for our next

2174
02:23:53.600 --> 02:23:54.600
call.

2175
02:23:54.600 --> 02:24:02.800
But all right, ladies, I've gone way over, but I've enjoyed this time to be able to spend

2176
02:24:02.800 --> 02:24:06.520
with you and get these questions.

2177
02:24:06.520 --> 02:24:11.960
Please do us a huge favor and let's show up in the app a little more this week than last

2178
02:24:11.960 --> 02:24:17.120
week so we can get to these questions throughout the whole week.

2179
02:24:17.120 --> 02:24:18.280
Sound good?

2180
02:24:18.280 --> 02:24:23.200
And then that way we can really get, like when I can get these questions throughout

2181
02:24:23.200 --> 02:24:31.080
the week, we can really get to some really good teaching for Tuesdays and start applying

2182
02:24:31.080 --> 02:24:35.560
it to the situations that you'll have right now.

2183
02:24:35.560 --> 02:24:36.560
Okay.

2184
02:24:36.560 --> 02:24:41.280
All right, ladies, have a fabulous rest of your day and we'll see you later.

2185
02:24:41.960 --> 02:24:42.960
Bye.

2186
02:24:42.960 --> 02:24:42.960