WEBVTT

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Hello, ladies. How are y'all this evening? Kim, good to see you. Karen, Lauren, Haley.

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Haley, is this your first time with us? Well, welcome. Is this your first coaching session

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ever, live coaching, or have you gone to the session with Carla before?

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This is my first one in Phase 2. Oh, welcome to Phase 2. We're so happy to have you. We're

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happy to have you. I'm going to introduce myself to both of y'all at the same time.

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How do you say your name? Is it Shalump? Tell me your name.

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Selectiona. Say it again.

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It's like the word selection with an A in the end, so Selectiona.

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Selectiona. All right. I'm going to work it out. Is this your first time with us? Yes?

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Yeah, it's the first time. Well, good. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

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Haley and Selectiona, I am Ebony. I am your 8 o'clock coach or your coach that will respond

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to anything you post on the wall. Not on the wall, in the app. I live in Austin, Texas.

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I am a new 2nd grade teacher. I taught 3rd grade for some years. I taught a little bit of 4th

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and a little bit of high school, but now I'm teaching 2nd graders. Tomorrow's our first day

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of school. I have been at school without them. I met parents on yesterday, and I tell you,

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it almost took me out. When you teach, I don't know if y'all are teachers. There's usually a

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lot of teachers in our community. When you start back school after not having to talk constantly

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all day, when you start back, I usually lose my voice after about some weeks. It goes somewhere,

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but you go from talking like normal people to talking all day long, except for when you're

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not quickly putting your lunch in your mouth for 20 minutes, and then you start back talking

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all day long. So when I was in there meeting all those parents, and they were talking about

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their little bitty sweet babies that they love so much, I just felt like a tractor had ran over me

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back at the time. I got through talking to all those people. But anyway, I've been a part of

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this program for a very long time. It has changed my life. I am absolutely confident, guaranteed

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that it's going to change your life. If you've gone through the hard work, you've already

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experienced the life changing. From the first time you hear Jackie, your life starts to change. She's

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absolutely amazing. I've been listening to her for years, and I listen to the same teachings that

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y'all listen to, and it's like I never heard them before. And so I'm so happy to have you ladies

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join us in God's kingdom revival of marriages. We're praying for your marriage. We're praying

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for your success of your overall life, and we're excited. Now, that might have been like a long

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introduction, but we really are excited to have you. This session is not just if you're dating.

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It's for you. It is coaching. You actually listening to others, whatever they have going on

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is also encouraging as well, bringing your own personal issues to coaching. Whatever you learn

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in one area of your life, it actually honestly does flows into other areas of your life. It affects

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other areas of your life. So perspective is something that you gain very heavily in this

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program if you tap into the wisdom that's being shared in the teaching. Perspective is the

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champion of the journey that you're going into. Perspective is how you see it. Perspective is what's

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going to keep you filled with hope. It's going to keep you not giving up. Even when you want to,

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perspective will pull you back in and get you back on your feet again. And so, nevertheless,

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we're excited about tonight, and I do want to pray. Father, I thank you for these ladies. I thank you

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for the opportunity to partner with them and with heaven as you write the greatest love story that

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they've ever known. It's not the greatest love story because they meet their husband. It's their

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greatest love story because they get to do life with you. They get to partner with you. They get

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to grow with you. They get to walk with you. They get to talk with you. And because they desire

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a husband so badly, they're not going to give up. So that tells me they're going to get closer to you

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and closer to you and closer to you than they've ever been before. Because something like needing

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wanting a spouse just doesn't leave you alone. Even when they want to give up, they're not going

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to be able to give up. So I say, Lord God, turn up the fire. Turn up the desire in their desire for a

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spouse that it may draw them closer to you, that they may get to know you as a father, as a friend,

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as their lover, and their Lord. And know them as the one who writes the best love story of all

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times ever. And so we thank you. I thank you, Jesus, that the first, bestest love story you

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ever wrote was one going to the cross, dying for our sins, shedding his blood.

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But the Bible says God so loved the world that he gave

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everything. I thank you Lord God that we now understand that love gives. That's what love

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does. It gives. It doesn't hoard for itself. It doesn't take for itself. It doesn't say me and

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mine. It doesn't say what you can do for me and how you can do it for me and how good you make me

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feel. But love gives and love gives it all. So I thank you that we're going to mark your example.

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We're going to walk in your example and we're going to make sure that we love ourselves so

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that we give ourselves an opportunity to grow in every area of our life because love gives

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and it starts with us. I thank you Jesus. I love you Jesus. We love you Jesus. Amen. Amen.

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Oh I just enjoyed that prayer so much. God is so faithful. He's so faithful to speak through us

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and to us when we come together. All the wonders that the Lord will speak into our ears and into

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our hearts and to our minds. I just always get such joy to hear the Father speak his heart over

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us. So we're going to be watching one video a week. You're going to be taking away the aha moments

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and you're going to be coming to coaching because we have a lot of aha moments here. We want this

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to be a safe place. You ladies are all doing so well. We want you to be sure that you continue

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to support your sisters whatever they post. Share. Encourage them. Don't feel like you have

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to be responsible for them. That's what they have coaches for but give your encouragement. If they

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did a good job telling them. If you see that their heart is broken, encourage them the way you want

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someone to encourage you. Connect with each other. Share your numbers. If you know you're in the same

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area, get your own squad where you are. Get your squad among the people in your own community who

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carry wisdom for this journey so that you may stay filled up with the faith of the Lord because

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it requires that to get to the promised land. In this phase, this is called dating for discovery,

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not dating to find my husband. Oftentimes, we all have to be reminded of this. That means the

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first person I talk to is not my husband. It probably helps you best because you've been

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programmed to believe that an Amazon package is going to come knocking at your door to remind

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yourself that every man you see is not your husband. It is an opportunity for you to discover

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yourself because the most important part of this phase, ladies, is to discover yourself because in

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discovering yourself, when the right suitor comes before you, you will know how to choose well.

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You will not choose from a place of scarcity. You will not choose from a place of hopelessness.

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You will not choose from a place of getting the short end of the stick but you would have

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discovered yourself so well that you would have raised the value and the worth of yourself that

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you will see that thing that is good and you will be like Adam and call it good. You will give it

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the name and God will say it is good. Do you understand? Dating for discovery is your opportunity

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to discover yourself so that you can come up to a level of value and worth that renders you the

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absolute best in life no matter what. No matter whether it's on your job, no matter if it's with

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a man, no matter if it's in your family, no matter if it's at the store, you're going to start to see

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the absolute best come to you because water seeks its own level. And if your levels are too low,

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discovery dating brings your levels up. We got to get the levels up. So I don't want you to be

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discouraged when the man you talked to didn't work out. I don't want you to be discouraged because

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you thought that conversation was going somewhere. It did go somewhere. If you had it, it blessed you.

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If you talked to him, it helped you because we got to get your levels up, your eyesight up,

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your perception up, your understanding up, your value up, your worth up. Many of us have gone

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through so many things in life. You've experienced heartache and pain even in childhood. And so there

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are broken places that you went through hard work to that brings healing to those places. You get to

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practice it and make sure that it's solidified so that you won't choose from the wounds of your soul.

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Right? So that is the advantages of discovery dating. The reason why I repeat this over and

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over, because it is absolutely necessary because most of us are sold on the dream

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that when we come to God for something, he's similar to a genie and that he's just going to

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give us a husband. So the first person we talked to, we believe that that is the one. The first

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person who could pray, we believe he's the one. The first person who can say a scripture,

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we believe that he's the one. The first man who goes to church, we believe he's the one.

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We believe he's the one. And he could possibly not absolutely be the one if you have some wounds

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that need to be healed, because that means you need to come up. So the Lord is coming to restore.

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He's coming to bring solidity to those places so that you can choose well. Do you understand?

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And so though somebody may check your boxes, it's okay. You'll see that those boxes will change

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over time as you change. I tell oftentimes this, and this is not a preaching session,

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but this is me in

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injecting you with faith and hope.

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I tell so many ladies this,

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I wouldn't choose the man today

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that I would have chose six months ago.

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That's how rapidly I accelerate and grow.

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And that's how rapidly in an accelerated pace

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you're growing in this program.

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What you chose, and anybody here who's dated somebody,

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now that you've gone through that process with that person

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and learned something about yourself,

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just give me a wave of your hand

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if you realize that at this moment,

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you wouldn't choose that man.

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If it was this day, the one you chose,

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would you choose him this day?

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After you've gone through the process

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of getting to know him and you saw, there we go,

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and you saw what you learned and how you grew,

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you can confidently say, nope, I wouldn't choose him.

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And we're still in the same program.

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And it was just six months ago

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because there's acceleration on this program

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because it carries so much wisdom, a wealth of wisdom.

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The Bible says before any man builds a house,

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he must count up the cost.

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Jesus said, before you follow me, count up the cost.

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He says that when we lay a house, the foundation is wisdom.

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There's no escaping wisdom or getting around wisdom.

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So that's why when we meet somebody,

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we don't hit the ground running in a one week

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falling in love and planning a wedding.

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That's not wisdom.

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It's not spiritual.

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It is foolish.

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That's what it is.

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It is fantasy.

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It is not suddenly.

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Do you follow me?

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So sometimes we confuse suddenly with fantasies.

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We all have fantasies that we've been sold

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by the world, by Disney.

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Suddenly is really not so suddenly

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because the people who experience suddenly

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are prepared for the suddenly.

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Because God, let me tell you something about our God

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and you'll track him all through scripture.

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Before the children of Israel ever got to the promised land,

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they had to go through the wilderness.

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Why?

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They were there longer than they were supposed to be

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because of their disobedience and their unbelief.

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But they had to be trained soldiers to go in

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and take giants out of a lane.

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And God did not fight the battle for them.

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He guaranteed the victory in his name.

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Like he's guaranteed you a love story,

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but you gotta be training.

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You gotta get the skillset

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and you gotta learn how to communicate

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and all those things you gotta do.

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The same way when the children of Israel

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were in the wilderness,

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they had to learn how to be soldiers.

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They had been slaves for 400 years.

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It wasn't no fighter found nowhere in them.

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They were workers.

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Do you see?

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And so God brought them into the wilderness.

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He told Moses, tell Pharaoh,

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let my people go so they can worship me.

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He didn't say let my people go so they could be free.

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Let my people go so they can worship me.

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Because when we worship something,

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we say, you're my God.

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Whatever you worship is your God.

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You see, are you tracking with me?

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And so the Lord would bring us into a place

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called Last Year's Single.

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And what happens is,

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what happens is he begins to prepare us for the promise.

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And that's your assurance on tonight.

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That's how you know it's gonna happen.

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Because you're in training.

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So sometimes we get weary, like when it's gonna happen?

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If you're in training, you know it's gonna happen.

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Because why else would you need to be in training?

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What purpose would this serve you?

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To be surrounded by wisdom?

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To see love stories flash before your eyes every day?

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To see Jackie Post hear somebody got married,

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somebody got married, somebody got married,

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somebody got married,

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except the Lord is putting it before your eyes

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and saying, you're not next, you're now.

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You're not tomorrow, you're today.

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Your time is coming.

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I'm in your neighborhood.

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I'm blessing around the corner for you.

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It ain't gonna be long before I turn the corner

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and touch on you.

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Just keep getting ready.

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Keep preparing.

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Because the promised land is for sure.

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I've given it to you.

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It's yours.

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Okay.

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Was that all right?

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I hope it filled you with faith and hope.

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Yeah, come on, all right.

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So today we are going to pick up on some of the things

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from last week.

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And if you ladies didn't get an opportunity to do this,

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it's okay, this was an activation.

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Thank you, Daisy.

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Thank you, ladies.

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I always wanna know that I'm touching home,

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that it is helping.

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And so the question I want you guys to kind of mull over,

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give an answer in the chat,

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or you can unmute and give an answer,

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but this was your assignment or activation.

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What's one win you experienced this week?

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And what was God revealing to you through it?

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So if you guys didn't get in the latest,

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didn't get an opportunity to catch this activation,

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the whole point of our lesson.

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Was to discover what happens in our life and what does what is the father trying to teach us through it?

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Because of the nature of this phase of the program called discovery dating

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We believe every single thing you experience the Lord is trying to reveal

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Something to you and teach something to you because we understand that he's a God that does not waste

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When he fed the 5,000 he told them to gather the scraps

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When he took the two fish and multiplied the five loads he multiplied and fed 5,000 men women and children

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He doesn't waste anything not nothing

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and so long as you're in discovery dating the Lord is using everything to prepare you for the promised land and

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So then the question happens, so if you didn't get a chance to actually do the activation

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I want you to think about it now. What's one win you experienced this week?

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So when it's like something great that happened and what was God revealing to you through it

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If it wasn't a win, what's one disappointment?

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You feel like you experienced this week and if you can think of a win or disappointment very quickly right now. I

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Want you to share think about it and say Lord. What were you trying to show me?

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Maybe you don't know right now when he was trying to show you ask him now

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Because he's not wasting anything from last week or this week from today or yesterday

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Go ahead Eloise do you want to share yours and I see some here in the chat and I will read it out

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Go ahead Eloise you're on mute

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The toe is good if you can hear me, right? Yes. No, um

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Some of you know that I was in a car wreck on my birthday, February the 3rd this year

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and so, um a guy rear-ended me and I ended up in the

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Going up over the curb over the sidewalk and into the grass at Starbucks

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and so

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And my car stopped in the grass or I would have plowed into the building and so I've been saying

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All this time Lord. You you gave me two flat tires that on the passenger side and that saved me from

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Going right into the brick wall

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But just this past weekend he showed me

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Eloise I had two angels

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In front of your car at the front at the front, you know end and I was

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They were holding your car there

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Hmm, they were just sitting standing there and I've seen you know in my head. I've seen it. I'm like

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Lord, I didn't realize those angels were there

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But it's like he he showed me and I had a chance on the regular prayer call

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Was it today or yesterday to share that with with in prayer with with the ladies

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And how many places is the Lord?

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holding up angels to stop us from different things are

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to help moving us along to other things and so

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Where he stopped me from

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Probably getting killed in that wreck

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His big angels these two big angels were saying not today

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Your time and so I think that in our dating situation

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The Lord is either opening the door

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To what he has for us for that suddenly or he's saying no, I've got better for you

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It's not your time yet. I've got so much better for you. So hold on my angels are

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Helping keeping you safe, so

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That was phenomenal for me. So I hope it blesses y'all. Yeah. Thank you. That was so good. Thank you for sharing it. Yeah

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So in the chat says one Wayne is realizing maybe not having my way gives me a better result than I thought

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God is the only one who knows the whole picture. Amen

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Yeah

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Says on a very emotional weekend of grief

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I behead me walk into church just at the right moment to see a gal from a few years ago

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She brought great comfort. I felt seen by God

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Amen

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Next person just go for it. I

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Wanted to explain mine a little bit better. Yeah

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Cuz right cuz like I wanted to say what I meant by

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Not having my way because God sees the whole picture

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I was supposed to go on a seventh date with my boyfriend to a

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Baseball game up here with my family church like he's brought me to his church. I was trying to introduce him to mine

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But he wasn't feeling well, and I know I was getting frustrated

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Why aren't my healing prayers working? I know my son and I have the gift of healing. Why why aren't they working?

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I did not know that there is a family member on my son's dad's side of the family

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I knew she was up here where I am

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I did not know she was at this hotel my boyfriend was gonna stay at because we're definitely

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Very particular about doing things the right way by God to build a good relationship. I didn't know she was there

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So when I found that out, I said, thank you Lord

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Everything happened the way it did. I

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Had like a massive thing with her and had to tell the police over the weekend

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I mean this week don't ever drop her off at my apartment again

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It was a whole big mess of why they drop her off

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Like we need your help to find her a place to stay and I said she can't stay with me

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She's not on the lease. It was such a big mess. I

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Can't put up with her drama

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Most of my son's dad's side of the family which she's actually on that side of the family cannot put up with her

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Last thing I want is for my boyfriend to meet this woman. She

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Massively needs a drug rehab center. I I don't want to expose him to that. It's awful

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So I praise God we dodged that bullet

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I wanted to share that testimony. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. That's so good

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cherish

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Yes, ma'am, so I had kind of a romance related than this week

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And for many years I kind of feel like I have to I'm like this do no men know me

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No, I can't see me. Am I am I hidden?

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I'm do I have to jump out in traffic to be noticed?

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Like I'm just like, you know, very frustrated and I've always wondered like God

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Is this like a is this like a game like am I being hidden for a reason?

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And I still don't know the answer to that, but I was just out shopping and typically when I'm shopping, you know

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I look like, you know, not great. Like I throw on whatever cuz I'm shopping

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So I decided to go dressed up and I noticed this really handsome guy and lo and behold

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He walked up and asked for my number and I was really surprised because men don't do that out in the wild anymore

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And then when he walked away, I felt in my heart

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Just that confirmation from God that you are not hidden. You are not in hiding

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And I was like really ministered to by that

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That's so good

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That's good

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Thank you for sharing cheers ladies. This is so good. Thank y'all. This is so encouraging

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And Sarah had one in the chat ladies, too. If you would check that out

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I'm gonna get us moving now

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And if you want supernatural Saturday this all ties into what we're gonna talk about tonight

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You on supernatural Saturday jacket talk about who's writing your story

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Do you guys remember that or ladies? I'm sorry. So you guys all the time, but I surely know

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that you're not guys and so

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Every single one of us has a story

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It's just the truth

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There's a story happening in your life right now. There's a script playing in your life

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There's a book in heaven that belongs just to you with the story of your life in it

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And so we know that there's a story or script being played in your life

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But we want to ask the question is who's telling the story?

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Okay, so is your disappointment telling the story is your fear telling the story is it running the shots

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Is this saying what happens here? And what happens there and who goes there and how you go there?

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Is it something something is a victim mentality telling your story?

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Are the experiences that genuinely hurt you in life telling your story dictating which way you go what the outcome looks like?

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So we know that all of us have a story all of our stories are being told but who is the author?

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And so this is what we want to

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We want to look more closely at who's writing our stories

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I want you to find a spot of identification in the writing of your story on tonight

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So I don't want you to just hear it

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But as I'm talking I want you to look within yourself and say who is writing my story

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And you'll know who's writing your story based on what you believe in

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And you'll know who's writing your story based on what you believe the outcome is gonna be

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So if you believe I know it happens for everybody, but it just won't happen for me

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That doesn't say if it's not feel what glistening with hope god is not writing that story right so something else is writing this story

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Or whatever decisions you made if what the story you tell yourself is a story of limitation

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If the story you hear playing as I share with you is one of scarcity

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If it's one of a fear of hopelessness, but if there's one of joy that also tell you who's writing your story, right?

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So it's not just the not so good things. They're also the other happy and joyful

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Not every person is just operating in disappointment. Some of us are filled with

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Hope and joy and sometimes we go in and out

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of it that's natural you see so so we want to look at the scripture when peter had been fishing

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jesus came out and he said go and cast your nets now peter said listen lord now peter's a fisherman

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he knows the waters okay so this this ain't that he's not an amateur so jesus said listen go out

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casting this again and he said listen i've been fishing all day okay look i've been on this dating

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app all week all month ain't nobody saying that to me i've been waiting but i've been some people

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i've been waiting 20 years on the lord they can't give me no strategy he gave them but they said i've

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been waiting for 20 years i've been waiting for 30 years on the lord right i've been waiting i

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already tried dating i already tried dating so i'm not doing it again um you do you know how

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that hurt me last time i'm not trying it again i'm not doing that again before i do any investment

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i'm not going to waste my time i need to know if you are a believer or not i need to know if you're

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this or you're not and so the lord is saying we're saying look let's go out and try this

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cast your net and you like i'm tired i did this all day long i'm not doing it anymore

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but then peter said something that changed his life it didn't just change his life

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it changed his story he said nevertheless at thy word nevertheless at your word

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not at your reputation he didn't know the reputation of jesus he said at your word

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how powerful is that because the bible says that god honors his word above his own name

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ah so he didn't say oh just because you said and you'd like you know what you're talking about i'm

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gonna do it the bible says that the grass within the flower faded but the word of god endured

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forever the bible says in the book of isaiah so as to do and the snow falls from heaven goes to

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the ground and does not return so shall my word be when it goes forth out of my mouth it shall not

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return unto me but it shall accomplish everything that i set it out to do the same word that when

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the lord looked at the earth and it was dark and bored without form and chaos filled the earth and

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he said let there be light to this very moment there's still light in the earth and so he says

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nevertheless at your word i'll do it again so we know the story peter drops his neck he comes back

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he got caught so many fish he had to bring one of his lys brothers over to help with the load

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because there were so many fish there are so many blessings there was so much that he gained when he

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took the lord at his word and said nevertheless i'm gonna drop my neck again and so that's what

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i want to share with you ladies on tonight a word of nevertheless at your word and so on this journey

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there are gonna be bumps bruises some of us haven't even got off the boat yet but i know you

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will because you look like you want to walk on water um there's gonna be setback set set up look

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like sometimes sit down sometimes laying on the couch crying sometimes getting back up over and

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over and over again and that's what it means nevertheless at your word women who make it to

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marriage women people who make it on the job to a particular career people who make it through

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school to get to a certain degree anything you do in life you really have to go against um go

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against the the the nose for the yes and you have to say nevertheless i'm gonna keep doing it even

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something simple is going to the gym when you start lifting weights and the muscles start burning and

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it start hurting something and you know you gotta finish the rep you can't just stop so that's

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another nevertheless i'm gonna keep going i know what i'm facing but nevertheless at the word of

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the lord i'm gonna do it why because the bible says seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and his

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righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you it's not did he speak to you and

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give you a personal word the bible is full of the promises of god he told the he told and i said he

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said sing oh barren woman the lord always comes for those hannah came into the temple and she cried

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so bad that the that the priest thought that she was drunk because she didn't have a child

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and she stayed before the lord until he produced a child in a woman's whose womb was dead

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he did not produce one child he produced multiple children

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so nevertheless at the word of the lord we've watched him perform and do those things that

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were impossible in your life is no different and so i say nevertheless i'm gonna keep doing it

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speak over you tonight, nevertheless,

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at the word of the Lord.

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I gave you examples from the scripture

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so you can say, nevertheless, at your word, God.

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Not at the word of Ebony, but at your word, God.

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You got enough evidence in the scripture

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to let you know if you let down your nets

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when the Lord tells you to let them down,

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that you will come back with a boatload of blessings.

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Coming back laughing and rejoicing

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because nevertheless, at the word of the Lord,

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he always fulfill his promises.

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His words do not return unto him,

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boy, and his promise is as good for you as it is for me.

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Because he so loved the world that he gave,

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that he reigns on the just as well as the unjust.

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So if you messed up big time,

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if you messed up little time,

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he still reigns on the just as well as the unjust.

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He reigns on the sinner and the righteous.

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He gives good to all because he's a good God.

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So nevertheless, at your word,

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nevertheless, at your goodness,

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nevertheless, at your faithfulness,

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nevertheless, at your testimony.

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Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said,

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even if my God don't come through for me,

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I won't bow down to you.

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Even if I don't get married next month,

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I ain't finna go somewhere and lay down

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and roll over and die.

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Even if the right man don't come this time,

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I'm not gonna accept the man

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that's less than heaven's best for me.

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Even if I wanted this one so bad

444
00:31:36.620 --> 00:31:37.820
that he don't meet the standard,

445
00:31:37.820 --> 00:31:41.220
I will not spend the next 30 years of my life with him.

446
00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:44.060
Nevertheless, at the word of the Lord,

447
00:31:44.060 --> 00:31:46.300
I believe that he has the greatest for me

448
00:31:46.300 --> 00:31:48.180
because he gave the greatest for me.

449
00:31:48.180 --> 00:31:49.860
And that's just who he is.

450
00:31:49.860 --> 00:31:52.420
I know the character of my God.

451
00:31:52.420 --> 00:31:54.220
I know Elohim.

452
00:31:54.220 --> 00:31:55.900
I know Adonai.

453
00:31:55.900 --> 00:31:58.220
I know Jehovah Rapha.

454
00:31:58.220 --> 00:31:59.060
I know him.

455
00:31:59.060 --> 00:32:01.900
I know the all-consuming fire God.

456
00:32:01.900 --> 00:32:03.820
See, these are the name and the attributes

457
00:32:03.820 --> 00:32:06.220
of the God that you serve.

458
00:32:06.220 --> 00:32:09.460
I know Ebenezer, my stone of help.

459
00:32:09.460 --> 00:32:13.380
Nevertheless, at the word of the Lord, I'll do it again.

460
00:32:14.260 --> 00:32:18.060
And so that's our message for you all.

461
00:32:18.060 --> 00:32:23.060
Nevertheless, I would not be who I am and where I am,

462
00:32:23.180 --> 00:32:25.060
and neither would you be

463
00:32:25.060 --> 00:32:26.900
if you did not have a nevertheless

464
00:32:26.900 --> 00:32:28.500
living on the inside of you.

465
00:32:30.100 --> 00:32:32.300
That's just the truth of the matter.

466
00:32:32.300 --> 00:32:34.620
We've all been through life.

467
00:32:34.620 --> 00:32:36.940
We've all had hard times and good times,

468
00:32:36.940 --> 00:32:41.260
joyful times, lean times, abundant times.

469
00:32:42.100 --> 00:32:45.780
Paul said, I've learned to live a base and a bound

470
00:32:45.780 --> 00:32:48.420
when I have little and when I have great.

471
00:32:48.420 --> 00:32:49.940
And so there's a nevertheless

472
00:32:49.940 --> 00:32:52.340
living on the inside of every one of you.

473
00:32:52.380 --> 00:32:55.420
And I don't want that nevertheless to get any smaller

474
00:32:55.420 --> 00:32:56.900
just because you're facing something

475
00:32:56.900 --> 00:32:58.300
you've never seen before.

476
00:33:00.820 --> 00:33:03.380
Well, you know, some people say,

477
00:33:03.380 --> 00:33:04.700
well, they didn't have to do all this.

478
00:33:04.700 --> 00:33:05.940
Why I have to do all this?

479
00:33:05.940 --> 00:33:07.060
Next time you hear that say,

480
00:33:07.060 --> 00:33:09.060
nevertheless, I'm gonna do it anyway.

481
00:33:10.380 --> 00:33:12.060
Maybe she didn't have to believe

482
00:33:12.060 --> 00:33:14.060
the way I'm having to believe for her husband,

483
00:33:14.060 --> 00:33:17.340
but nevertheless, I'm gonna believe anyway

484
00:33:17.340 --> 00:33:19.740
because my God is faithful.

485
00:33:19.740 --> 00:33:22.500
Not the man you're in the relationship with,

486
00:33:22.500 --> 00:33:25.020
the God that you partner with is faithful.

487
00:33:26.340 --> 00:33:30.420
Even when you marry, the God that you serve is faithful.

488
00:33:31.460 --> 00:33:33.540
Even when your husband is unfaithful,

489
00:33:33.540 --> 00:33:35.940
the God that you serve is faithful.

490
00:33:35.940 --> 00:33:37.340
Even when your husband breaks your heart,

491
00:33:37.340 --> 00:33:40.140
the God that you serve is faithful.

492
00:33:41.540 --> 00:33:45.380
It's all about the God that you serve,

493
00:33:45.380 --> 00:33:46.860
that you partner with.

494
00:33:49.860 --> 00:33:50.700
Amen?

495
00:33:51.900 --> 00:33:53.420
Amen.

496
00:33:53.420 --> 00:33:58.420
So, we want you ladies to have a nevertheless,

497
00:34:02.340 --> 00:34:07.340
a nevertheless stone of resistance

498
00:34:07.660 --> 00:34:09.139
down on the inside of you.

499
00:34:10.860 --> 00:34:12.940
And every time you have to speak nevertheless,

500
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:14.980
I want you to take attention to the lie

501
00:34:14.980 --> 00:34:16.580
that is trying to speak in that place.

502
00:34:16.580 --> 00:34:19.580
When you hear the lie, I want you to get a nevertheless.

503
00:34:20.620 --> 00:34:22.580
When you say, I don't want to do this again

504
00:34:22.580 --> 00:34:25.060
after you've recovered from somebody breaking your heart,

505
00:34:25.060 --> 00:34:26.940
or if you haven't even stepped out yet

506
00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:28.300
and you got all these reasons

507
00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:29.820
why you haven't made your profile,

508
00:34:29.820 --> 00:34:31.940
all these reasons why you hadn't did this.

509
00:34:31.940 --> 00:34:33.420
Oh, I want to lose 10 pounds.

510
00:34:33.420 --> 00:34:35.580
Please say nevertheless if you want to hear that.

511
00:34:35.580 --> 00:34:37.100
If you hear about you got to lose weight

512
00:34:37.100 --> 00:34:38.699
and pick yourself up, say nevertheless,

513
00:34:38.699 --> 00:34:40.620
I'm going to do it anyway.

514
00:34:40.620 --> 00:34:41.699
All right?

515
00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:45.139
Because most of the time, don't be offended,

516
00:34:45.139 --> 00:34:47.820
if you trying to lose weight so you can get a date,

517
00:34:47.820 --> 00:34:48.780
once you get married,

518
00:34:48.780 --> 00:34:50.860
you're going to get back a little thicker than you would,

519
00:34:50.860 --> 00:34:51.820
because you're going to be happy.

520
00:34:51.820 --> 00:34:53.060
You're going to start eating pancakes

521
00:34:53.060 --> 00:34:54.260
at two o'clock in the morning

522
00:34:54.260 --> 00:34:55.739
because you're going to be so happy.

523
00:34:55.739 --> 00:35:00.740
So nevertheless, nevertheless, you're going to gain.

524
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.760
10 pounds and lose it again and gain it again and losing it y'all know how to go to income 15 go 15 go they come and go so nevertheless.

525
00:35:09.120 --> 00:35:19.960
let down your knit somebody gonna like your pretty full self they like your pretty lean self and they're like you're pretty full self Okay, it is the truth.

526
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:35.560
It is the absolute truth. I have been larger than I am now and I have been smaller than I am now and I've never had a shortage of wonderful mean to choose from and not so many wonderful mean to choose from.

527
00:35:36.560 --> 00:36:00.560
Okay, who we are lives on the inside. This doesn't negate health. I'm not talking about health right now. I'm talking about when you've measured your outer appearance on by the world standard so nevertheless make the profile even if you fail, even if you don't believe you can do it, I want you to have a nevertheless so as you do this week and things start coming up.

528
00:36:00.560 --> 00:36:10.560
I want you to deal with those strongholds in your mind because the more you have a nevertheless in inside of you, the more you hear the lies because they're coming to get back a hold of you.

529
00:36:10.560 --> 00:36:31.560
They're coming to put you back in prison. And when you hear the lies, those are called stronghold strongholds are just lies that brought other things to reinforce it. So if you believe that I'm not really worthy of someone really good, then if that's your core belief, then there are other things your traumas will come and join with it and make a stronghold.

530
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:52.560
Now it's strong and it has a hold of you. It's just lies, but it don't be just usually one lie. It's a fortress of lies. Do I have to deal with the fortress? No, I can just deal with the one. And when you deal with the one, they just start breaking out because they don't have anything to keep them to keep them afloat. They don't have anything to hold on to. And so when you as you build a nevertheless.

531
00:36:53.560 --> 00:37:07.560
At your word, God, I'm gonna move out on this thing. Then when the strongholds are speaking to you and they will the last speak really loudly. You just don't know you hear them until you put something else on the inside and they want to gain back territory. They want to take back over.

532
00:37:07.560 --> 00:37:21.560
And when you hear it, I want you to say, I hear you, liar. I hear you for who you are. The Bible says, let God be true in every man alive. If that liar is me, then I'll be the liar. And right now, this is a lie.

533
00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:40.560
This is a lie. And my God will be true. And if my God be true, then I must say, nevertheless. Nevertheless, at your word, oh, God, will I move forward? Nevertheless, this life feels more real to me than this. Nevertheless, but I'm gonna at your word, I'm gonna believe you.

534
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:55.560
I'm gonna believe that everything about me is good, that I don't have to work to be kind, that I am kindness. I'm gonna believe that I am beautiful inside and out. I'm gonna believe the absolute truth that I'm not comparable to anyone.

535
00:37:55.560 --> 00:38:13.560
The only way I will be compared to someone, if we look just alike, you cannot compare an apple to an orange or orange to a pear or a watermelon to a papaya. It's not possible. Two things have to be just alike in order for you to compare them. So therefore, unless you have a twin of some source, then you're not comparable to anybody.

536
00:38:13.560 --> 00:38:40.560
Daisy is not comfortable to Sarah, nor Sarah comfortable to Cherish. And Cherish is not comfortable to Jodi. You are different people. Totally different people with totally different DNAs and totally different makeup. You are not the woman you used to be. You are the woman you are now and the woman you are becoming. It's not just you who said it, but I said it. There's no way you're in this program and nothing about you hasn't changed.

537
00:38:40.560 --> 00:38:56.560
You serve a God who is passionately working to get you to the highest and greatest level. You see, so you can't serve a guy like our God and not be changed. You can't serve a guy like our God and stay the same.

538
00:38:56.560 --> 00:39:25.560
So I just want you to get a nevertheless in your spirit, on your tongue, and I want you to wield it like a sword in the fight. Nevertheless, it's your word, Father God. I've already started thinking of some things in my own life that I need to say nevertheless to. And so that's what I want y'all to do. I want you to drop in the chat one thing you know for sure that you need to say nevertheless, it's your word. You don't have to write the thing in the chat, but once you get it, I want you to type nevertheless, it's your word.

539
00:39:26.560 --> 00:39:55.560
I'll do it again. Once you get that thing, I want you to defy it and put it in the chat. And when I see your nevertheless, it's your word. I know you've taken a stand against the lies of the enemy in your life. I already saw somebody else had put nevertheless up there. Come on, that's what I'm talking about. Nevertheless. Come on, Tamara, nevertheless. Nevertheless, I'll try to be special education teacher again. There you go.

540
00:39:55.560 --> 00:39:59.560
I will have hope. Come on. Nevertheless, it's your word. That's right.

541
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:00.840
All right.

542
00:40:09.480 --> 00:40:10.880
That's right, that's right.

543
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:23.560
Anybody ready to step out and make their dating profile?

544
00:40:23.560 --> 00:40:25.500
Let me see a nevertheless.

545
00:40:26.720 --> 00:40:29.600
Anybody ready to step out and change their wardrobe?

546
00:40:29.600 --> 00:40:31.160
Feel pretty, look pretty.

547
00:40:31.160 --> 00:40:32.400
Nevertheless, at your word.

548
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:34.720
All of these things matters, all these things.

549
00:40:34.720 --> 00:40:36.040
Who ready to go back to school?

550
00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:38.640
Nevertheless, at your word, I'll do it.

551
00:40:38.640 --> 00:40:40.120
I wanna take that job position.

552
00:40:40.120 --> 00:40:41.800
Nevertheless, I'm gonna do it.

553
00:40:42.700 --> 00:40:44.600
If I fail, I'm still gonna do it.

554
00:40:44.600 --> 00:40:47.600
I got to do it to find out if I'm a fail or not, huh?

555
00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:49.060
Nevertheless, at your word.

556
00:40:49.060 --> 00:40:50.520
That's right, Lisa Marie.

557
00:40:52.520 --> 00:40:54.520
Nevertheless, I may have eaten sugar today,

558
00:40:54.520 --> 00:40:55.960
but I'm not gonna eat it tomorrow.

559
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:57.660
Nevertheless, at your word, Lord.

560
00:40:57.660 --> 00:40:59.360
I can do all things through Christ Jesus

561
00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:00.300
who gives me strength.

562
00:41:00.300 --> 00:41:02.820
Nevertheless, I'm gonna move forward.

563
00:41:05.740 --> 00:41:07.660
I ate McDonald's today, that's okay.

564
00:41:07.660 --> 00:41:10.100
Nevertheless, I can eat better tomorrow.

565
00:41:10.100 --> 00:41:11.740
I cook a sweet potato.

566
00:41:11.740 --> 00:41:14.060
Nevertheless, I can do this thing.

567
00:41:14.060 --> 00:41:16.700
I mean, it can be from the simplest thing

568
00:41:16.700 --> 00:41:17.820
to the greatest of things.

569
00:41:17.820 --> 00:41:19.740
Nevertheless, I didn't get up this morning

570
00:41:19.740 --> 00:41:21.740
to read my word and worship like I said I was doing,

571
00:41:21.740 --> 00:41:24.700
but nevertheless, at your word, I'll get up and try again

572
00:41:24.700 --> 00:41:27.100
because greater is he who lives on the inside of me

573
00:41:27.100 --> 00:41:28.660
than he that lives in the world.

574
00:41:28.680 --> 00:41:30.240
Nevertheless, at your word.

575
00:41:30.240 --> 00:41:33.480
There's a word in the Bible for every part of our life.

576
00:41:34.920 --> 00:41:36.800
Nevertheless, Lord God, at your word,

577
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:39.220
I'll lay my affections at your altar.

578
00:41:40.660 --> 00:41:43.520
I'll lay my distractions at your feet.

579
00:41:43.520 --> 00:41:45.920
I know I said I wouldn't doom scroll on today,

580
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:48.640
but nevertheless, at your word, I'll try it again.

581
00:41:48.640 --> 00:41:50.960
I'll present my body as a living sacrifice,

582
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:53.140
wholly and acceptable unto you, oh God.

583
00:41:53.140 --> 00:41:57.500
Nevertheless, at your word, I'll do it again.

584
00:41:59.660 --> 00:42:01.680
Okay?

585
00:42:01.680 --> 00:42:02.520
So,

586
00:42:05.320 --> 00:42:09.560
I want us to, it'll get posted, your weekly activation,

587
00:42:09.560 --> 00:42:12.040
and it'll be centered around nevertheless.

588
00:42:12.040 --> 00:42:15.160
That's right, nevertheless, I'm gonna get a great job.

589
00:42:15.160 --> 00:42:19.520
And you guys will see that and it'll,

590
00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:21.580
I don't know exactly what it's gonna be worded like,

591
00:42:21.580 --> 00:42:23.400
but I want you to take an opportunity

592
00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:26.060
and I want you to post some of your nevertheless

593
00:42:26.060 --> 00:42:28.660
from this week all the way up until next week.

594
00:42:28.660 --> 00:42:31.340
Something that you decided that I'm gonna go against it,

595
00:42:31.340 --> 00:42:32.180
no matter what.

596
00:42:32.180 --> 00:42:33.500
It could be what you put in the chat.

597
00:42:33.500 --> 00:42:37.460
You can post it in the community for your sisters

598
00:42:37.460 --> 00:42:40.220
and for all of us, because it's always so encouraging.

599
00:42:40.220 --> 00:42:41.280
Sounds good?

600
00:42:42.620 --> 00:42:44.680
Yes, all right.

601
00:42:44.680 --> 00:42:48.780
All right, so what do we have tonight?

602
00:42:49.820 --> 00:42:50.900
Who wants to share?

603
00:42:50.900 --> 00:42:52.300
Who needs some coaching?

604
00:42:56.060 --> 00:43:01.060
Go for it, Catherine.

605
00:43:07.820 --> 00:43:10.180
One of the beauties in this program, I realize,

606
00:43:10.180 --> 00:43:13.780
is it's not just helping me in dating,

607
00:43:13.780 --> 00:43:15.940
but any kind of relationships.

608
00:43:15.940 --> 00:43:18.740
So, I've really been struggling.

609
00:43:18.740 --> 00:43:20.700
Like, it's great that my son in this season

610
00:43:20.700 --> 00:43:23.460
has a best friend, but I'm definitely seeing

611
00:43:23.460 --> 00:43:26.180
what another friend of mine warned me of.

612
00:43:26.180 --> 00:43:27.940
She does not know boundaries

613
00:43:27.940 --> 00:43:29.580
and I'm really, really struggling.

614
00:43:29.580 --> 00:43:32.500
Like, I see fruits there that she's a Christian,

615
00:43:32.500 --> 00:43:35.540
but then there's other things that I'm like,

616
00:43:35.540 --> 00:43:38.060
it's, you know, she can't be sleeping

617
00:43:38.060 --> 00:43:40.240
over my apartment all the time

618
00:43:40.240 --> 00:43:43.460
and like hanging out with me every waking moment.

619
00:43:43.460 --> 00:43:48.460
And I am definitely not ready to get an apartment with her.

620
00:43:49.660 --> 00:43:51.540
And I'm doing this anyway with the idea

621
00:43:51.540 --> 00:43:54.060
of getting married anyway in the end.

622
00:43:54.060 --> 00:43:59.060
But, you know, just like with my boyfriend,

623
00:43:59.580 --> 00:44:03.640
with them as trying to develop a friendship,

624
00:44:05.340 --> 00:44:08.080
it's only been like about over a month.

625
00:44:08.080 --> 00:44:12.120
So, to be talking about getting a place together,

626
00:44:12.120 --> 00:44:13.900
and not only that, but it would cause me

627
00:44:13.900 --> 00:44:17.100
to have like a commute commute to work.

628
00:44:17.100 --> 00:44:20.140
Like, I'm talking 40 some odd minutes one way.

629
00:44:20.140 --> 00:44:23.840
And I know I've voiced many times in this program

630
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:25.860
that I've been dealing with car troubles

631
00:44:25.860 --> 00:44:27.860
for over two months.

632
00:44:27.860 --> 00:44:30.620
The major stuff is fixed.

633
00:44:30.620 --> 00:44:32.500
I thank the good Lord,

634
00:44:32.500 --> 00:44:34.740
but there's like little things that make sounds

635
00:44:34.740 --> 00:44:39.740
and all that, that I'm waiting till school goes back

636
00:44:40.360 --> 00:44:43.140
because it can wait, it just makes a sound.

637
00:44:43.140 --> 00:44:44.920
That's what my family mechanic says.

638
00:44:44.920 --> 00:44:47.940
And I can have my coworker fix it with our students

639
00:44:47.940 --> 00:44:49.380
and I get free labor.

640
00:44:49.380 --> 00:44:52.140
So I'm trying to like make it last.

641
00:44:52.140 --> 00:44:52.980
And not only that,

642
00:44:52.980 --> 00:44:54.860
I'm trying to pay off the car as quickly as I can.

643
00:44:54.860 --> 00:44:57.020
That's where I got a second job

644
00:44:57.020 --> 00:44:59.980
and trying to get out of debt and trying to pay back.

645
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.400
credit cards with the repairs and trying to save up for a new car so to add a

646
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:14.440
commute to a car that I feel like I don't trust like reliable as a commuter

647
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:19.120
car like that in a regular basis isn't a good idea but like I also said my son

648
00:45:19.120 --> 00:45:25.320
and I only know them like over a month and not only did I have a bad marriage

649
00:45:25.320 --> 00:45:30.480
failing and in divorce before I left Long Island that all occurred on Long

650
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:36.800
Island but I had a very bad friendship go bad because I moved in with this

651
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:41.560
friend and then the whole thing went down south with her and with her sister

652
00:45:41.560 --> 00:45:45.800
which that sister was really the one I was best friends with back then and I do

653
00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:50.480
not want to repeat any of that again so that's like the big struggle I'm going

654
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:55.760
through his what to do with all of this and I really guess I guess it's like one

655
00:45:55.760 --> 00:46:01.200
of those really to get up the courage to be like I can't and my landlord is also

656
00:46:01.200 --> 00:46:06.320
very very particular like if someone is staying here so many days in a row it

657
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:12.760
looks like they're living here and they say absolutely not so it's like all of

658
00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:17.080
that that it's it's too much and then there's there's other things in my life

659
00:46:17.080 --> 00:46:22.360
like two jobs studying to be a lay pastor doing this program the dating

660
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:27.200
like I can't spend my every waking moment with them when I'm not doing

661
00:46:27.200 --> 00:46:32.120
those other things yeah that's so good I think you made a good decision to say

662
00:46:32.120 --> 00:46:35.560
no and you know you could just put it off on your landlord like that's not

663
00:46:35.560 --> 00:46:45.280
gonna work according to my lease because you have to do this you I do and what's

664
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:51.560
best for my son is not to subject him to that again right because that also did

665
00:46:51.560 --> 00:46:55.840
not work on Long Island now I know why I did it at the time because my son's dad

666
00:46:55.840 --> 00:47:00.040
asked for a divorce like he was wanting to be done then he got us kicked out of

667
00:47:00.040 --> 00:47:03.560
that apartment over it because the landlords at the time saw all I could

668
00:47:03.560 --> 00:47:07.160
take my apartment back you guys splitting up and then when that friend

669
00:47:07.160 --> 00:47:11.200
said will you move in and all of that and it was like a very rush I didn't

670
00:47:11.200 --> 00:47:15.880
know what to do on the brink of homelessness it was awful but in this

671
00:47:15.880 --> 00:47:22.360
situation that's not the case I can totally say yeah no I'm not feeling it I

672
00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:28.800
really feel like in this season I need to be in Norwich and I also feel like I

673
00:47:28.800 --> 00:47:35.120
could get a lot of help in growing as I'm also realizing not just having the

674
00:47:35.120 --> 00:47:39.280
desire to have a godly husband but I really have a desire to go back into

675
00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:43.760
teaching again and I'm really supportive co-workers where I am now

676
00:47:43.760 --> 00:47:47.600
that I really feel like they're a part of that and they're gonna be a part of

677
00:47:47.600 --> 00:47:56.160
helping me grow that way so moving right now it's not the time yeah that's a good

678
00:47:56.160 --> 00:48:00.960
decision good for you Catherine thank you so much

679
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:14.760
you're welcome um Jodi I've been missing you I know well I've been

680
00:48:14.760 --> 00:48:24.520
getting on just not on camera most Tuesdays but I had kind of a win this

681
00:48:24.520 --> 00:48:33.560
week it's really easy because it's also a little bit maybe I don't know so I met

682
00:48:33.560 --> 00:48:44.400
a guy online and he's he's great finally someone that I'm actually interested in

683
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:54.360
getting to know and we went out on Saturday for a bike ride and I found out

684
00:48:54.360 --> 00:49:04.760
I knew he was a widow a widower but his wife just passed like six months ago so

685
00:49:04.760 --> 00:49:14.240
I just I don't know I have that feels a little tight that feels like yesterday to

686
00:49:14.240 --> 00:49:19.320
me you know what I mean like that's so I'm not really sure what to do about

687
00:49:19.320 --> 00:49:28.240
that I mean I don't know how long have you been getting to know him only a

688
00:49:28.240 --> 00:49:39.640
couple weeks so we chatted on Facebook dating for about a week and then and

689
00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:51.160
then texted and then we decided to make a date Saturday so this past Saturday

690
00:49:51.160 --> 00:49:57.640
and you enjoyed him yeah we had a lot of fun yeah we had a lot of fun how long

691
00:49:57.640 --> 00:50:00.400
was he married

692
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:11.000
Um, I mean, a long time because he's got a 30 year old son, so a long time.

693
00:50:11.000 --> 00:50:12.000
Yeah.

694
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:13.000
Yeah.

695
00:50:13.000 --> 00:50:19.000
And he is he is he he's going through grief counseling right now.

696
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:27.480
And what he was saying to me is he he's just he really misses talking to people and having

697
00:50:27.480 --> 00:50:28.480
fun.

698
00:50:28.480 --> 00:50:36.880
And, um, so part of me is like, well, if we just keep it light, which is appropriate

699
00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:40.920
anyway, um, get to know each other.

700
00:50:40.920 --> 00:50:46.160
But that still feels like six months feels like no time.

701
00:50:46.160 --> 00:50:50.600
I think she was sick for a year and a half, though.

702
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:59.360
So he did say he did a lot of grieving during that time, but she was still there, right?

703
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:00.360
So yeah.

704
00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:01.360
Yeah.

705
00:51:01.360 --> 00:51:07.960
And so do you have a question for me before I respond?

706
00:51:07.960 --> 00:51:15.760
Um, I guess my question is, maybe what is the what what would be most appropriate for

707
00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:19.840
me to do in this situation?

708
00:51:19.840 --> 00:51:28.520
He's not, um, I think he himself is not even sure he should be dating.

709
00:51:28.520 --> 00:51:29.520
You know what I mean?

710
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:38.520
Like, I it's not like he, um, he's not being all huggy and lovey and he's not texting every

711
00:51:38.520 --> 00:51:45.720
day or, you know, um, so I think he's still even just trying to figure it out, too.

712
00:51:45.720 --> 00:51:54.320
But I guess what what maybe what if you had wisdom on what my role or what would be appropriate

713
00:51:54.320 --> 00:51:55.320
for me?

714
00:51:55.320 --> 00:51:56.320
Yeah.

715
00:51:56.320 --> 00:51:57.320
To do?

716
00:51:57.320 --> 00:51:58.320
Yeah.

717
00:51:58.320 --> 00:52:02.560
And correct me as we kind of navigate this together, but it sounds a little bit like

718
00:52:02.560 --> 00:52:07.440
I hear your heart saying it.

719
00:52:07.440 --> 00:52:13.200
It wants something to more to settle on, like it's like, well, he's not.

720
00:52:13.200 --> 00:52:19.440
So when you say he's not even really over her yet or it's only been six months, that's

721
00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:22.840
what I'm concerned about.

722
00:52:22.840 --> 00:52:25.920
That didn't have anything to do with you unless you're going to the future.

723
00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:26.920
Right.

724
00:52:26.920 --> 00:52:33.600
See, so when the heart when the heart goes ahead of the process, those are the things

725
00:52:33.600 --> 00:52:34.880
that concern you.

726
00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:38.800
Now, I know where it gets tricky because you are marriage minded.

727
00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:41.240
And so these are things that are flowing.

728
00:52:41.240 --> 00:52:42.720
But there has to be a line drawn.

729
00:52:42.720 --> 00:52:43.720
Right.

730
00:52:43.720 --> 00:52:45.080
And that's what we're going to draw tonight.

731
00:52:45.080 --> 00:52:49.560
But I just wanted you to have words for what's happening when you go to but it's just been

732
00:52:49.560 --> 00:52:50.560
six months.

733
00:52:50.560 --> 00:52:51.560
Yeah.

734
00:52:51.560 --> 00:52:57.040
Well, so in the same breath, because you recognize what's going on, you say, well, it just is

735
00:52:57.040 --> 00:52:58.040
the beginning.

736
00:52:58.040 --> 00:53:00.560
So I guess it is supposed to be like this.

737
00:53:00.560 --> 00:53:01.560
Right.

738
00:53:01.560 --> 00:53:02.560
And that's where we get torn, ladies.

739
00:53:02.560 --> 00:53:03.560
Have you all had this before?

740
00:53:03.560 --> 00:53:04.560
Like, well, I know it's just the beginning.

741
00:53:04.560 --> 00:53:05.560
So I really shouldn't be thinking about it.

742
00:53:05.560 --> 00:53:08.920
I don't even really know why I'm thinking about it.

743
00:53:08.920 --> 00:53:12.640
But the thing that you're thinking about won't leave you alone because there's a part of

744
00:53:12.640 --> 00:53:17.080
you that is going to the future where there is no grace for you.

745
00:53:17.080 --> 00:53:22.640
You're rejecting because you are in a faith journey and you do want to meet a husband.

746
00:53:22.640 --> 00:53:24.800
So these things are happening at the same time.

747
00:53:24.800 --> 00:53:29.360
And that's why I never say just stuff that away, no, identify it and name it for what

748
00:53:29.360 --> 00:53:30.360
it is.

749
00:53:30.360 --> 00:53:35.560
And when you can name a thing and identify it, then you can put it in perspective.

750
00:53:35.560 --> 00:53:39.280
And then it won't taunt you and haunt you and you won't keep thinking about it.

751
00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:44.600
But it will actually give you the skills you need to navigate where you are.

752
00:53:44.600 --> 00:53:48.120
So hence, we come back to where we are today.

753
00:53:48.120 --> 00:53:52.260
So I know that he's been only widowed for six months.

754
00:53:52.260 --> 00:53:59.880
So it will instruct me to say, OK, I'm going to get to know him.

755
00:53:59.880 --> 00:54:02.640
He may make a great date.

756
00:54:02.640 --> 00:54:06.560
That's about as much I'm going to expect out of this.

757
00:54:06.560 --> 00:54:12.880
Because I recognize he's pretty much still grieving.

758
00:54:12.880 --> 00:54:17.320
And if something is there, I know the Lord will highlight it.

759
00:54:17.320 --> 00:54:21.400
You see, I don't have to make that be.

760
00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:24.160
And that's another thing.

761
00:54:24.160 --> 00:54:31.920
I want to say this because I want us to start thinking on a full picture, right, as you

762
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:34.280
go through this process.

763
00:54:34.280 --> 00:54:41.520
You're assuming that their marriage was wonderful, right?

764
00:54:41.520 --> 00:54:46.960
Even before she got sick, you don't know how long it was dead or not full of life.

765
00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:51.840
So though he still may be grieving, it doesn't mean that he probably would, you know, it

766
00:54:51.880 --> 00:54:52.880
could have been 30 years.

767
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:55.000
But 30 years don't mean 30 years of bliss.

768
00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:59.960
And even if he retold you the story, when people leave, you start to remember all the

769
00:54:59.960 --> 00:54:59.960


770
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.080
great things about them.

771
00:55:01.080 --> 00:55:03.440
That's just kind of the way it works.

772
00:55:03.440 --> 00:55:07.640
And so those are things, those are just things, right?

773
00:55:07.640 --> 00:55:10.520
These are things that you have to be able to recognize

774
00:55:10.520 --> 00:55:12.360
before you make a decision and say,

775
00:55:12.360 --> 00:55:14.560
well, there's no way he could be ready for marriage

776
00:55:14.560 --> 00:55:17.080
because that was just six months ago.

777
00:55:17.080 --> 00:55:21.120
Ah, but see, that comes from a view that believes

778
00:55:21.120 --> 00:55:23.440
that his marriage was wonderful

779
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:25.640
and he lost the love of his life,

780
00:55:25.640 --> 00:55:29.040
or she was sick for a year and a half.

781
00:55:29.040 --> 00:55:30.880
How much did depreciating him?

782
00:55:30.880 --> 00:55:32.200
Men are not like women.

783
00:55:32.200 --> 00:55:34.600
There are people who get divorced and get, I mean,

784
00:55:34.600 --> 00:55:36.960
get widowed and get right back married,

785
00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:39.000
especially when they're older.

786
00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:41.600
So these are things, especially when it's a man,

787
00:55:41.600 --> 00:55:43.240
men are not quite like women.

788
00:55:43.240 --> 00:55:45.520
There are things you could consider,

789
00:55:45.520 --> 00:55:48.760
but the reason why they're not even necessary to consider

790
00:55:48.760 --> 00:55:52.060
because there's something in us desperately want certainty.

791
00:55:53.560 --> 00:55:55.320
And so you'll take and hang your head

792
00:55:55.320 --> 00:55:58.000
on any one of those things that I just said to you,

793
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:00.440
but those things are helped to enlighten you

794
00:56:00.440 --> 00:56:03.880
and to not to have you closed off and to believe something.

795
00:56:03.880 --> 00:56:06.960
But if those things cause you to wanna put your head on,

796
00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:08.520
just kick them out for a while.

797
00:56:09.680 --> 00:56:12.440
And do what you know helps you stay rooted

798
00:56:12.440 --> 00:56:14.280
and grounded in the present.

799
00:56:14.280 --> 00:56:19.120
And the truth is you're just getting to know him.

800
00:56:19.120 --> 00:56:21.520
And the truth is if you started to like him,

801
00:56:21.520 --> 00:56:24.600
you could say, hey, you're a great person.

802
00:56:24.600 --> 00:56:28.640
I could see myself liking you beyond this friendship.

803
00:56:28.640 --> 00:56:30.680
And because you're still grieving,

804
00:56:30.680 --> 00:56:34.080
I think for myself, you can speak,

805
00:56:34.080 --> 00:56:35.680
my camera go out, I'm so sorry.

806
00:56:37.120 --> 00:56:40.640
I wanna back away and maybe revisit you

807
00:56:40.640 --> 00:56:42.760
sometime in the future, okay?

808
00:56:42.760 --> 00:56:43.600
Yeah.

809
00:56:43.600 --> 00:56:44.680
And so let me try to,

810
00:56:46.440 --> 00:56:50.680
and so I said a lot,

811
00:56:50.680 --> 00:56:55.440
but my final thing after I broaden the perspective of thing

812
00:56:55.440 --> 00:56:59.880
is that's right, Jodi, stay in the present, enjoy.

813
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:03.520
You let his pace because you know that he's in grief.

814
00:57:04.480 --> 00:57:07.440
If he calls, he calls, you chat, you chat,

815
00:57:07.440 --> 00:57:10.440
discover yourself, discover your anxiousness.

816
00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:11.960
Or if you're like, oh, why hadn't he called?

817
00:57:11.960 --> 00:57:13.880
Or did I say something like, explore all those things

818
00:57:13.880 --> 00:57:15.800
because they're still very much a part of you.

819
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:17.480
And I've said this before, ladies,

820
00:57:17.480 --> 00:57:19.240
and I'll keep saying this to you.

821
00:57:19.280 --> 00:57:21.080
A lot of times in dating for discovery,

822
00:57:21.080 --> 00:57:23.880
the Lord will bring low stakes men

823
00:57:23.880 --> 00:57:26.640
to bring some restoration to you,

824
00:57:26.640 --> 00:57:29.080
to bring some hope back in your life.

825
00:57:29.080 --> 00:57:32.200
Like someone said, someone said they,

826
00:57:32.200 --> 00:57:35.400
Cherish gave the testimony that somebody saw her

827
00:57:35.400 --> 00:57:37.640
and the Lord showed her someone does see you.

828
00:57:38.880 --> 00:57:41.200
You understand what I'm saying?

829
00:57:41.200 --> 00:57:43.280
That's why it's discovery dating.

830
00:57:43.280 --> 00:57:44.720
You discover so many things.

831
00:57:44.720 --> 00:57:47.480
The Lord uses dating to bring,

832
00:57:47.480 --> 00:57:51.520
to restore broken places in your heart.

833
00:57:51.520 --> 00:57:52.920
You see?

834
00:57:52.920 --> 00:57:55.920
And so you're on track, stay in the present.

835
00:57:55.920 --> 00:57:59.920
And you know, I think that's a good,

836
00:57:59.920 --> 00:58:01.480
and I'm glad you went on a date.

837
00:58:01.480 --> 00:58:02.320
I'm happy for you.

838
00:58:02.320 --> 00:58:04.920
Me too, finally.

839
00:58:04.920 --> 00:58:05.760
That's a win.

840
00:58:05.760 --> 00:58:08.360
You were around somebody who wanted to be with you.

841
00:58:08.360 --> 00:58:09.880
You didn't have to drag them.

842
00:58:09.880 --> 00:58:11.480
You didn't have to make them.

843
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:14.080
They wanted to spend time with you.

844
00:58:14.720 --> 00:58:16.200
It's a win, my friend,

845
00:58:16.200 --> 00:58:19.400
because that tells you that there's somebody

846
00:58:19.400 --> 00:58:20.920
who wants to spend time with you

847
00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:24.280
and you will never settle for somebody who will not.

848
00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:25.120
Yep.

849
00:58:25.120 --> 00:58:25.960
Amen.

850
00:58:25.960 --> 00:58:26.800
Amen.

851
00:58:27.640 --> 00:58:28.600
Great, great, great.

852
00:58:28.600 --> 00:58:29.920
Thank you for sharing.

853
00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:31.280
Thank you.

854
00:58:31.280 --> 00:58:32.880
All right.

855
00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:34.800
Cherish.

856
00:58:34.800 --> 00:58:36.000
Okay.

857
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:38.040
I have a question kind of brought up

858
00:58:38.040 --> 00:58:40.640
by an Instagram post from Jackie today.

859
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:41.480
Okay.

860
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:43.480
It's an odd question to me,

861
00:58:43.880 --> 00:58:48.880
but I've previously kind of rejected the idea of younger men

862
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.960
and she mentioned that that's actually not really

863
00:58:52.960 --> 00:58:56.120
a good reason to eliminate someone.

864
00:58:56.120 --> 00:59:00.160
So I'm trying to understand what are some guidance

865
00:59:00.160 --> 00:59:02.480
or parameters and something like that?

866
00:59:03.400 --> 00:59:05.800
Because I want to be able to kind of like

867
00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:07.960
broaden what I'm looking at, you know,

868
00:59:07.960 --> 00:59:09.280
like what I'm putting on my dating apps

869
00:59:09.280 --> 00:59:11.720
and my filters and stuff like that.

870
00:59:11.720 --> 00:59:15.840
But I'm not sure if that's a bad idea

871
00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:18.800
or if there's guidance on that.

872
00:59:18.800 --> 00:59:19.920
Sure.

873
00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:24.200
And so I'm not privy to the post you're speaking to,

874
00:59:24.200 --> 00:59:27.720
but Jackie teaches that we date in seasons.

875
00:59:28.640 --> 00:59:30.560
And so it's not necessarily about an age,

876
00:59:30.560 --> 00:59:33.400
but it's more about the season that a person is in.

877
00:59:33.400 --> 00:59:36.120
So let's say you and a person can be the same age right now.

878
00:59:36.120 --> 00:59:38.760
So Cherish, how old are you, if you don't mind sharing?

879
00:59:38.760 --> 00:59:40.360
I'm 49.

880
00:59:40.360 --> 00:59:41.280
So you're 49.

881
00:59:41.800 --> 00:59:43.360
Do you have young children?

882
00:59:43.360 --> 00:59:44.800
I have a 22 year old son.

883
00:59:44.800 --> 00:59:45.640
Okay.

884
00:59:45.640 --> 00:59:48.400
So you're 49 and you met somebody 49,

885
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:50.760
but they have a five year old and a four year old

886
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:52.160
and a nine year old.

887
00:59:52.160 --> 00:59:55.000
You're the same age, but you may be saying,

888
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:57.240
I'm not finna raise no children, I'm through.

889
00:59:57.240 --> 00:59:59.840
I'm through raising all the children I'm gonna raise.

890
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.720
And so even though you and this person are the same age, your seasons in life are different.

891
01:00:06.800 --> 01:00:14.320
See, you may meet a man, you're 49 and he's 59. He's retired. He's ready to travel. Maybe he's

892
01:00:14.320 --> 01:00:19.040
ready to do mission work. Maybe your heart is for missions. Maybe he's ready to do some things that

893
01:00:19.040 --> 01:00:23.840
your heart is for. And he may be 10 years older than you, but you're both in the same season of

894
01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:32.640
life. And so if you meet him and you say, you know, I don't mind going 10 years over,

895
01:00:32.640 --> 01:00:38.640
which is usually sometimes easier for women to do. And the thing about a man and women,

896
01:00:38.640 --> 01:00:46.320
this is some people don't talk about a lot. Women come with a value system already. They come with

897
01:00:46.400 --> 01:00:53.840
ability to cultivate and gain things. They actually have to keep up. They have to keep

898
01:00:53.840 --> 01:00:59.840
up the things that they have. Just track with me. But men have to build to get to places.

899
01:00:59.840 --> 01:01:05.440
So when a man is 25, he doesn't have what a 47 year old man have because he has to build

900
01:01:05.440 --> 01:01:10.560
things onto his life. A woman comes with the full package on the inside. She comes with a womb. She

901
01:01:10.560 --> 01:01:16.240
can make babies. Like she comes as a multiplier. She comes with so many things already packaged

902
01:01:16.240 --> 01:01:23.280
within. Men build their wealth. They build legacy. They build family. Are you following me?

903
01:01:23.280 --> 01:01:29.840
And so the older man gets as why they mature. Women come already mature. So they have to go

904
01:01:29.840 --> 01:01:34.160
up to get to their level. Even when they're 20 and they need somebody more like 26

905
01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:39.920
because me and their age are a little bit too silly for them. So women come at an advanced

906
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:49.840
stage at some in some forms. And so older men can tend to have everything that that woman wants

907
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:58.800
because he's more settled. So I said, I'll let to say sometimes it will do us well to take our

908
01:01:58.880 --> 01:02:05.440
numbers up some when you realize that about a man. When you realize you're tired of working,

909
01:02:05.440 --> 01:02:09.440
you may get somebody your age and both of y'all are still working. Maybe you decide I don't want

910
01:02:09.440 --> 01:02:15.360
to work no more. What that means you need to get a retired man who's not needing your income.

911
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:20.800
And you don't mind scaling back in life if you could just live a soft life.

912
01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:25.280
Ain't got to give you the world. You just don't want to have to go out and work for the world

913
01:02:25.280 --> 01:02:30.960
no more. So that may say instead of me looking for somebody in my age range, let me go up seven

914
01:02:30.960 --> 01:02:38.240
years. And so what you do chairs, you set your parameters to say what age you would like. So

915
01:02:38.240 --> 01:02:43.360
you may say, I won't go less than five years younger than me. And I won't go higher than

916
01:02:43.360 --> 01:02:49.600
seven years older than me. That's your parameter. When you set it and you get someone at that age,

917
01:02:49.600 --> 01:02:53.440
you thought you may like when you talk to them, you're going to adjust it again.

918
01:02:53.440 --> 01:03:00.320
So I thought, give you an example that I could do 57 until I talked to 57 and maybe it was the 57

919
01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:07.760
that I was talking to, but I said, Lord, I was, I was sadly mistaken. I ain't going to do it.

920
01:03:07.760 --> 01:03:15.520
I can't do it now. I thought I could, I even entertained, you know, yeah, I tried, but I

921
01:03:15.520 --> 01:03:22.400
couldn't do it. Um, and maybe it wasn't the right 57. And then something sparked on the inside of

922
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:28.320
me that I didn't realize. So I don't have children now, but if I were to get pregnant, I don't think

923
01:03:28.320 --> 01:03:32.560
it's impossible. I watch women of all ages get pregnant. I go to church where we believe for

924
01:03:32.560 --> 01:03:38.080
babies. I've watched women. Doctor said there was 1% chance of no chance. And they have four babies

925
01:03:38.080 --> 01:03:42.080
and I prayed with them. We prayed with so quick. I believe they got something in the water in my

926
01:03:42.080 --> 01:03:46.480
church. I'm telling you something. You won't get pregnant. You go there. Um, but we, I have prayed

927
01:03:46.480 --> 01:03:50.880
so many women into pregnancy. I know the hand of God, the doctor said it was absolutely not going

928
01:03:50.960 --> 01:03:55.440
have been too many stories. So anyway, I just want to put that out there for people who want to baby

929
01:03:55.440 --> 01:04:02.320
this just not true. Okay. So, um, and the women in my family, they marry late. They have late,

930
01:04:02.320 --> 01:04:07.280
they have babies kind of late in their forties. Um, I'm going to change all that. Right. But anyway,

931
01:04:09.600 --> 01:04:15.760
I noticed that some of those men, even if I don't birth children, I'm going to adopt not because I

932
01:04:15.760 --> 01:04:21.360
want children so bad. I was made for it. It's a part of my DNA, but they're not wanting that.

933
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:24.960
They're like, uh, I mean, they say I don't want to raise no children.

934
01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:31.440
So even if I didn't birth one, they don't want to get adopted ones. So that means 57 wasn't working

935
01:04:31.440 --> 01:04:35.920
for me. And I found that to be a consensus through me and there were 57, unless they'd never been

936
01:04:35.920 --> 01:04:42.320
married and never had children. Okay. So cherish, I hope I answered your question. And I add a

937
01:04:42.320 --> 01:04:47.280
little more because every question is a, is a coachable thing. It's coachable for everyone,

938
01:04:47.280 --> 01:04:52.240
but set your parameters. If you don't like them when you set them, then change them again.

939
01:04:53.360 --> 01:04:57.120
Okay. That was very helpful. Yeah. The whole season thing makes a lot of sense to me.

940
01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:59.840
Yeah. Good. Yeah.

941
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.160
Okay, well, thank you.

942
01:05:02.160 --> 01:05:03.000
You're welcome.

943
01:05:04.080 --> 01:05:05.540
All right, Sarah.

944
01:05:07.440 --> 01:05:09.200
Hi, Ebony, hi, everybody.

945
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:10.040
Hey.

946
01:05:12.160 --> 01:05:14.360
I have a question.

947
01:05:14.360 --> 01:05:18.180
So I'm gonna present three different guys

948
01:05:18.180 --> 01:05:21.680
that I'm talking to through Facebook Dating, and...

949
01:05:23.000 --> 01:05:24.480
Come on, Sarah.

950
01:05:24.480 --> 01:05:26.220
Sarah said she gonna present three.

951
01:05:26.220 --> 01:05:27.400
Y'all hear that, ladies?

952
01:05:27.400 --> 01:05:28.520
Let's get on at this.

953
01:05:28.520 --> 01:05:31.480
Sarah's gonna talk about three men in one culture session.

954
01:05:31.480 --> 01:05:32.480
Go, Sarah.

955
01:05:34.120 --> 01:05:36.200
I'm telling you, when you're talking about Peter

956
01:05:36.200 --> 01:05:39.020
and Jesus telling him to throw the net on the other side,

957
01:05:39.020 --> 01:05:42.160
I'm telling you that happened to me a couple weeks ago,

958
01:05:42.160 --> 01:05:43.000
and I just praise God.

959
01:05:43.000 --> 01:05:43.840
Wow.

960
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:45.000
I'm very thankful for that.

961
01:05:46.560 --> 01:05:50.920
So, okay, so guy number one is golfer.

962
01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:55.920
Guy number two is, we'll call him dock person

963
01:05:56.520 --> 01:05:58.640
because he works kind of over near the docks.

964
01:05:58.640 --> 01:06:03.320
And then guy number three is Inland Empire person.

965
01:06:03.320 --> 01:06:05.120
So IE person, Inland Empire.

966
01:06:05.120 --> 01:06:07.360
Okay, which is California, Inland Empire.

967
01:06:07.360 --> 01:06:11.680
Anyways, okay, so golfer guy,

968
01:06:14.120 --> 01:06:19.120
so I had suggested to him that we do a phone call,

969
01:06:20.800 --> 01:06:23.360
and he did it for me, and we had a phone call.

970
01:06:23.360 --> 01:06:25.960
And then crickets, he said,

971
01:06:25.960 --> 01:06:26.960
okay, we should do this again.

972
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:27.920
Let's do another phone call.

973
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:28.840
Yeah, I'd love that.

974
01:06:28.840 --> 01:06:30.440
And then he hasn't called me.

975
01:06:30.440 --> 01:06:32.600
Okay, so that's golfer guy.

976
01:06:34.200 --> 01:06:37.320
Docks guy, I went at his pace,

977
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:40.680
and he was like, hey, let me get your phone number.

978
01:06:40.680 --> 01:06:43.180
So we've talked, we've actually had three conversations.

979
01:06:43.180 --> 01:06:44.680
And then he said, hey, let's have a date.

980
01:06:44.680 --> 01:06:46.540
Let's go get some ice cream.

981
01:06:46.540 --> 01:06:47.600
So I said, that'd be great.

982
01:06:47.600 --> 01:06:49.840
So I went at his pace.

983
01:06:49.840 --> 01:06:52.160
And now here's Inland Empire guy.

984
01:06:52.200 --> 01:06:54.040
And I'm attracted-

985
01:06:54.040 --> 01:06:55.720
Did y'all go get ice cream?

986
01:06:55.720 --> 01:06:59.080
We're going to when I give him a date that I'm available.

987
01:06:59.080 --> 01:07:00.440
Okay, go ahead.

988
01:07:00.440 --> 01:07:03.880
Yeah, and then Inland Empire guy, I like him.

989
01:07:03.880 --> 01:07:06.640
I have an easy connection with him, not like golfer guy.

990
01:07:06.640 --> 01:07:10.480
Golfer guy was a little too lovey-dovey with the talk,

991
01:07:10.480 --> 01:07:13.100
and that really drew me in and all of that.

992
01:07:13.100 --> 01:07:14.800
So this guy, Inland Empire guy,

993
01:07:14.800 --> 01:07:19.000
is more steady and even, and I really like that.

994
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:21.080
And he has a lot of qualities that I like.

995
01:07:21.080 --> 01:07:24.040
I would like the guy to initiate, but I'm a little nervous.

996
01:07:24.040 --> 01:07:25.960
Like, I kind of don't want to lose something with him,

997
01:07:25.960 --> 01:07:27.520
but I feel like I have something,

998
01:07:27.520 --> 01:07:30.800
that we have something steady.

999
01:07:30.800 --> 01:07:33.480
So I'm not sure if I should suggest like,

1000
01:07:33.480 --> 01:07:37.320
hey, if you ever wanted to chat or go out,

1001
01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:38.360
I'd totally be open to that.

1002
01:07:38.360 --> 01:07:41.760
But at the same time, I would like him to initiate.

1003
01:07:41.760 --> 01:07:44.640
So if he, I guess I'm, maybe I'm jumping the gun

1004
01:07:44.640 --> 01:07:45.760
because I'm like, I'm kind of nervous.

1005
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:46.980
What if he doesn't?

1006
01:07:46.980 --> 01:07:48.440
And then should I?

1007
01:07:48.440 --> 01:07:49.840
So there's that.

1008
01:07:51.600 --> 01:07:54.520
So my question is, should I?

1009
01:07:54.520 --> 01:07:57.120
And I kind of wish I hadn't suggested to Golfer Guy

1010
01:07:57.120 --> 01:07:58.680
that we do a phone chat.

1011
01:07:58.680 --> 01:08:00.920
I kind of wish I would have gone at his pace.

1012
01:08:00.920 --> 01:08:05.920
So I feel like I should go at Inland Empire guy's pace,

1013
01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:08.200
but at the same time, I guess I'm a little nervous

1014
01:08:08.200 --> 01:08:12.200
because I don't want, I want to, you know,

1015
01:08:12.200 --> 01:08:13.360
I don't want to lose him, I guess,

1016
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:14.960
an opportunity to connect with him

1017
01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:16.520
and get to know him better.

1018
01:08:16.520 --> 01:08:17.359
Yeah.

1019
01:08:17.359 --> 01:08:20.160
How long have you been talking to Inland Empire?

1020
01:08:20.160 --> 01:08:21.960
Probably about, probably not very long,

1021
01:08:21.960 --> 01:08:24.319
probably like a week, maybe a week and a half.

1022
01:08:25.319 --> 01:08:27.640
And how often do y'all chat?

1023
01:08:27.640 --> 01:08:29.520
And we chat like probably once a day,

1024
01:08:29.520 --> 01:08:30.680
once every other day.

1025
01:08:32.040 --> 01:08:36.160
Is it just a hello or is it a full-out conversation?

1026
01:08:36.160 --> 01:08:37.600
It's like chatting back and forth,

1027
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:39.960
like getting to know each other, like, you know,

1028
01:08:39.960 --> 01:08:42.800
kind of work, it's not, it's not in depth.

1029
01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:45.760
So it's, but it's like work, what do you do for work?

1030
01:08:45.760 --> 01:08:48.840
And, you know, just kind of, I guess,

1031
01:08:48.840 --> 01:08:51.880
just kind of the getting to know each other a little more.

1032
01:08:51.880 --> 01:08:54.319
Yeah, and the ice cream guy, how long did you,

1033
01:08:54.319 --> 01:08:56.040
I'm sorry, go ahead, Sarah.

1034
01:08:56.040 --> 01:08:57.640
Oh, just getting to know him, like, you know,

1035
01:08:57.640 --> 01:09:00.399
a little bit more, some specifics in him, me.

1036
01:09:00.399 --> 01:09:03.680
Ice cream guy, I think we've been getting to know each other

1037
01:09:03.680 --> 01:09:08.479
probably for a good, maybe three to four weeks.

1038
01:09:08.479 --> 01:09:11.600
And at what point did he make connection

1039
01:09:11.600 --> 01:09:14.479
to hang out with you out of those three to four weeks?

1040
01:09:15.319 --> 01:09:17.200
It would be last night, yesterday.

1041
01:09:17.200 --> 01:09:22.200
Okay, so the first thing I want to address is,

1042
01:09:26.040 --> 01:09:29.000
first thing I want to say to you, every person is different.

1043
01:09:29.920 --> 01:09:33.120
Yeah, and so we can't measure one man by the next man.

1044
01:09:33.120 --> 01:09:34.240
And I'm going to tell you why,

1045
01:09:34.240 --> 01:09:37.240
because men are often confused by women

1046
01:09:37.240 --> 01:09:39.240
on how to approach them.

1047
01:09:39.240 --> 01:09:41.000
One woman says you're acting too soon,

1048
01:09:41.000 --> 01:09:44.319
and this woman said, you ain't moving fast enough.

1049
01:09:44.319 --> 01:09:48.240
And so they're always confused from woman to woman.

1050
01:09:48.240 --> 01:09:49.840
And so when you measure and say,

1051
01:09:49.840 --> 01:09:51.439
oh, I should have stayed with the first one,

1052
01:09:51.439 --> 01:09:53.920
and then maybe that one would have gave me ice cream date,

1053
01:09:53.920 --> 01:09:55.840
or I should have this, I want his place,

1054
01:09:55.840 --> 01:09:57.880
and he finally asked me for ice cream.

1055
01:09:57.880 --> 01:10:00.120
Well, you, those are not good measurements.

1056
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.040
because the one who asked you for ice cream probably wanted to ask you on the second day

1057
01:10:03.040 --> 01:10:06.640
but was nervous and he was trying to feel you out to see how long you would go but then after you

1058
01:10:06.640 --> 01:10:09.840
went four weeks I guess he said I better say something because I don't say anything I don't

1059
01:10:09.840 --> 01:10:15.440
think we're going anywhere. Do you understand what I'm saying? And so you know the golfer guy gave

1060
01:10:15.440 --> 01:10:20.400
his word he didn't keep his word or whatever happened that's just his character it's just what

1061
01:10:20.400 --> 01:10:26.640
he did. Yeah. You know not like slash against him for life but he said he was gonna do something he

1062
01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:31.200
didn't do it that's just the way the cookie crumble it has nothing to do with timing and then

1063
01:10:31.200 --> 01:10:37.600
this next guy you say you want to wait because you know you really want to get to know him and

1064
01:10:37.600 --> 01:10:44.560
I want every time scarcity comes up in you every time something says that you could possibly lose

1065
01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:51.440
I want you to go against it with every single breath in your body and say well if I lose I'm

1066
01:10:51.520 --> 01:10:57.440
a lose and you do it you go against it because the way you break the stronghold of scarcity

1067
01:10:57.440 --> 01:11:02.800
is when it presents itself to you you go against it with everything in you not just with your words

1068
01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:09.120
but in your actions you say well if I lose let the chip fall where they may because the truth is

1069
01:11:10.080 --> 01:11:17.680
there's no that that's it's all a lie it's all a lie you saying I can wait and then I may win if

1070
01:11:17.680 --> 01:11:23.600
I wait if they don't want you if it's not if it's not in the cards it's not in the cards it's not a

1071
01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:33.920
if it's not it's not if it is you can't lose it doesn't work that way you are the common denominator

1072
01:11:33.920 --> 01:11:40.320
in this process ladies you make decisions about the direction of things that happen in your life

1073
01:11:40.320 --> 01:11:46.720
so when someone tells you uh don't show up in the effort that you want then you um

1074
01:11:48.400 --> 01:11:51.680
Sarah you're gonna have to unmute yourself again I have to mute it back when a person

1075
01:11:51.680 --> 01:11:59.600
doesn't show up and and give the the effort that is necessary to house um uh experience so that you

1076
01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:06.560
can get to know them then you make a decision that this is not working it's not left up to chance

1077
01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:14.240
it's not even left up to them you're in this process you are making decisions nobody is making

1078
01:12:14.240 --> 01:12:21.200
them for you but when scarcity talks it starts to make decisions for you then that's who's writing

1079
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:29.840
the story scarcity is writing the story so so I need to be careful that I'm not not giving into

1080
01:12:30.720 --> 01:12:41.360
believing that that scarcity is is um just not giving into scarcity um so because because um

1081
01:12:42.400 --> 01:12:48.400
the um the guy the ice cream guy will say he I guess I didn't really feel like I had much to

1082
01:12:48.400 --> 01:12:52.960
lose with him because I was kind of like I'm just getting to know you I'm not really I'm not really

1083
01:12:52.960 --> 01:12:58.240
convinced that you're you know you're the one type you know for me but I'm gonna use this

1084
01:12:59.040 --> 01:13:02.880
opportunity to kind of get to know you and he had told me a week or two ago that he wanted to take

1085
01:13:02.880 --> 01:13:09.120
me out you know wanted to meet up with me um and so I appreciate that he said that and then I was

1086
01:13:09.120 --> 01:13:14.800
kind of waiting to see and then he did follow up on it which you know I appreciated um and then

1087
01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:21.360
this this guy um in Inland Empire um I am interested in him so I I guess I I feel like I have

1088
01:13:21.360 --> 01:13:25.760
a little bit more you know as I was interested in golfer so I feel like I have more to lose

1089
01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:33.280
right right and the only thing and you really can't lose the only thing you can see only thing

1090
01:13:33.280 --> 01:13:41.200
you you actually win because you get to know them better yeah and so if you want to ask this guy

1091
01:13:41.200 --> 01:13:46.320
you've been talking to him for a week the um ie in the empire if you want to ask him like hey if

1092
01:13:46.320 --> 01:13:51.600
you want to grab a cup of coffee or do you want to do a phone conversation I would like that so

1093
01:13:51.600 --> 01:13:58.720
once you do that I heard you mention about this initiation thing yeah once you say that the ball

1094
01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:05.360
is in his court to respond to you so yeah I've been getting to know you um hopeful this is not

1095
01:14:05.360 --> 01:14:11.040
too forward for you but I would enjoy having a conversation with you over the phone or even

1096
01:14:11.040 --> 01:14:16.960
for coffee whichever one is most comfortable for you at this point okay and then so you say

1097
01:14:17.760 --> 01:14:22.960
if this is something you're interested in please let me know please let me know what it would look

1098
01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:28.560
like for you on your schedule that's back in that person's court they come to the table to agree

1099
01:14:30.320 --> 01:14:37.360
I like that yeah I like that thank you I appreciate it you're welcome okay ladies I

1100
01:14:37.360 --> 01:14:44.720
thought all of that was really good um the activation that you're gonna do is uh you're

1101
01:14:44.720 --> 01:14:50.000
gonna pick a part of your okay I think this is a really good example could y'all hear

1102
01:14:50.000 --> 01:14:54.800
very clearly that scarcity was writing the story for Sarah in that last situation

1103
01:14:56.160 --> 01:14:59.840
who could hear scarcity writing the story because what she said was

1104
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.600
Well, I don't really want to lose getting to know him, so should I just lay low?

1105
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:09.220
That's somebody else writing the story and it was called scarcity.

1106
01:15:09.220 --> 01:15:13.720
So that's what I talked about when I was talking to you about how to identify the voice that

1107
01:15:13.720 --> 01:15:16.500
is writing your story.

1108
01:15:16.500 --> 01:15:20.100
And so a lot of us had some nevertheless testimonies.

1109
01:15:20.100 --> 01:15:24.020
And what we want you ladies to do this week, whether you journal it, we would love for

1110
01:15:24.020 --> 01:15:26.520
you to post it so everyone can see.

1111
01:15:26.520 --> 01:15:32.480
We want you to think of a story in your life, whether it's your love story, story with work

1112
01:15:32.480 --> 01:15:38.440
or family dynamics or whatever it may be, and listen to hear who's writing the story.

1113
01:15:38.440 --> 01:15:41.860
And then I want you to finish the story.

1114
01:15:41.860 --> 01:15:43.800
Whatever you want that outcome to be.

1115
01:15:43.800 --> 01:15:48.160
I want you to finish writing your story and post it.

1116
01:15:48.160 --> 01:15:50.200
You don't have to give us the background.

1117
01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:52.800
Oh, I'm sorry, Daisy.

1118
01:15:52.800 --> 01:15:54.360
Yes, I can take you.

1119
01:15:54.360 --> 01:15:55.800
No, I didn't see your hand.

1120
01:15:56.200 --> 01:15:58.320
I'm so glad you said something.

1121
01:15:58.320 --> 01:16:02.080
We want you to finish writing the story.

1122
01:16:02.080 --> 01:16:04.880
Do you understand what the activation is?

1123
01:16:04.880 --> 01:16:08.120
Because Rachel's looking like she's somewhere else and she ain't smiling.

1124
01:16:08.120 --> 01:16:09.120
So I keep staring at it.

1125
01:16:09.120 --> 01:16:10.680
I'm like, is Rachel there?

1126
01:16:10.680 --> 01:16:11.680
Rachel, are you?

1127
01:16:11.680 --> 01:16:12.680
Oh, okay.

1128
01:16:12.680 --> 01:16:16.320
It's like, okay, no, no, I'm just messing with you.

1129
01:16:16.320 --> 01:16:17.320
I just wanted you to smile.

1130
01:16:17.320 --> 01:16:18.320
Sorry.

1131
01:16:18.320 --> 01:16:19.320
Oh.

1132
01:16:19.320 --> 01:16:20.320
Yeah, it's just.

1133
01:16:20.320 --> 01:16:21.320
It's okay.

1134
01:16:21.320 --> 01:16:22.320
It hasn't been easy.

1135
01:16:22.320 --> 01:16:23.320
So I'm listening.

1136
01:16:24.120 --> 01:16:25.120
Okay.

1137
01:16:25.120 --> 01:16:29.280
We want you to finish writing whatever that story is.

1138
01:16:29.280 --> 01:16:30.280
Whether it's your love story.

1139
01:16:30.280 --> 01:16:31.280
It's a work story.

1140
01:16:31.280 --> 01:16:32.280
It's a job story.

1141
01:16:32.280 --> 01:16:33.280
It's a career story.

1142
01:16:33.280 --> 01:16:34.280
Whatever.

1143
01:16:34.280 --> 01:16:35.280
I know I said job, career, work is all the same thing.

1144
01:16:35.280 --> 01:16:41.040
Whether it's a story with your children, whether it's a story of some trauma in the past and

1145
01:16:41.040 --> 01:16:44.120
you want to rewrite it, you see that it's writing the story of your life.

1146
01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:46.560
It's telling you where to go and not to go.

1147
01:16:46.560 --> 01:16:48.400
It's telling you what to do and what not to do.

1148
01:16:48.400 --> 01:16:52.260
I want you to rewrite the story, just the end so you don't have to put, you don't put

1149
01:16:52.260 --> 01:16:53.260
too much.

1150
01:16:53.260 --> 01:16:58.220
People won't be able to read it all, but finish the story, give it a new author, and then

1151
01:16:58.220 --> 01:17:01.700
I want you to sign the author's name at the end of the story.

1152
01:17:01.700 --> 01:17:08.660
So whether it be Papa, Father God, or you, whoever the author is, if it's joy, if the

1153
01:17:08.660 --> 01:17:11.220
author's joy, I want you to write joy.

1154
01:17:11.220 --> 01:17:15.460
If the author's hope, write the author hope.

1155
01:17:15.460 --> 01:17:21.180
If the author is nevertheless at your word, God, I want you to write that down for your

1156
01:17:21.180 --> 01:17:26.620
author of the story, but I want you to finish a story that another voice is writing in your

1157
01:17:26.620 --> 01:17:31.140
life right now, or another voice is competing with your voice to write.

1158
01:17:31.140 --> 01:17:35.140
Because there are a lot of times there's competing voices, right?

1159
01:17:35.140 --> 01:17:38.820
Like I'm going with hope, I'm going with hope, and bam, something hit me, now that take over

1160
01:17:38.820 --> 01:17:39.820
the story.

1161
01:17:39.820 --> 01:17:42.300
I'm going with this, I'm going with this, and bam, something comes intruding in, and

1162
01:17:42.300 --> 01:17:43.300
that take over.

1163
01:17:43.300 --> 01:17:47.820
And so I want you to give your storyline a voice.

1164
01:17:47.820 --> 01:17:50.820
Okay, go for it, Daisy.

1165
01:17:51.460 --> 01:17:52.460
Thanks, Ebony.

1166
01:17:52.460 --> 01:17:57.460
I think it was just my fault, I thought I had put it up, but I didn't.

1167
01:17:57.460 --> 01:17:59.460
Okay, yeah, I'm sorry.

1168
01:17:59.460 --> 01:18:08.620
Yeah, my question is more about how do you know if, you know how you were talking earlier

1169
01:18:08.620 --> 01:18:15.580
about sometimes God just brings men into your life to build you back up, to like build your

1170
01:18:15.580 --> 01:18:17.820
value up.

1171
01:18:17.820 --> 01:18:25.340
So my question is, how do you know when you are coming from, you're not coming from a

1172
01:18:25.340 --> 01:18:30.420
place of scarcity anymore, you're not coming from a place of hopelessness anymore, you

1173
01:18:30.420 --> 01:18:35.660
are choosing because you already see your value?

1174
01:18:35.660 --> 01:18:36.660
How do you know that?

1175
01:18:36.660 --> 01:18:43.500
Because I'm not sure if I'm already doing that, like it's still too soon with this one

1176
01:18:43.500 --> 01:18:46.300
guy that I've been dating.

1177
01:18:46.300 --> 01:18:48.860
It's been coming up on six weeks.

1178
01:18:48.860 --> 01:18:55.860
But what I'm saying is, how do I know because I like a lot of things that he does, I can

1179
01:18:55.860 --> 01:19:02.700
see a future with him, although he's not my type, the type that I would normally be.

1180
01:19:02.700 --> 01:19:04.060
So I don't know.

1181
01:19:04.060 --> 01:19:08.340
And he's also my first relationship after my divorce.

1182
01:19:08.340 --> 01:19:14.820
So I don't know if it's just I love all this attention, you know.

1183
01:19:14.820 --> 01:19:18.140
I really do think he's got very good character.

1184
01:19:18.140 --> 01:19:21.620
I mean, he's proven it over these past few weeks.

1185
01:19:21.620 --> 01:19:26.900
But again, I just want to know, like, what are some things to look for, you know, to

1186
01:19:26.900 --> 01:19:32.420
know that I'm actually choosing not just because I was used to breadcrumbs before.

1187
01:19:32.420 --> 01:19:35.500
Yeah, right.

1188
01:19:35.500 --> 01:19:41.620
So usually when we get breadcrumbs, we can feel it, it won't leave us alone, right?

1189
01:19:42.620 --> 01:19:45.820
It's something he used, like, it's gotta be more than this.

1190
01:19:45.820 --> 01:19:50.460
But to give you this first is a yes until it's a no, right?

1191
01:19:50.460 --> 01:19:51.460
I'm sorry.

1192
01:19:51.460 --> 01:19:54.340
Can you hear my dog?

1193
01:19:54.340 --> 01:19:56.460
There's so much going on with animals out here.

1194
01:19:56.460 --> 01:19:58.660
I was like, trying to go break up.

1195
01:19:58.660 --> 01:20:00.020
Okay, well, you can put it on.

1196
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.760
Mute while I share and then unmute when you're ready to share.

1197
01:20:02.960 --> 01:20:05.080
OK, OK.

1198
01:20:05.280 --> 01:20:09.440
So this program is designed to help you

1199
01:20:09.640 --> 01:20:17.160
weed things out, to help you to to get to the expected end, which is a great end.

1200
01:20:17.360 --> 01:20:20.600
So that means it's a yes until it's a no.

1201
01:20:20.800 --> 01:20:26.160
OK, that means you put yourself under the order of boundaries.

1202
01:20:26.360 --> 01:20:29.320
That means you don't do physical intimacy.

1203
01:20:29.520 --> 01:20:32.200
That means that you don't do spiritual

1204
01:20:32.400 --> 01:20:37.760
intimacy, and that means that you don't do emotional intimacy.

1205
01:20:37.960 --> 01:20:40.400
That means you're going to wait to go

1206
01:20:40.600 --> 01:20:45.520
exclusive, especially since especially I think for you in this situation and,

1207
01:20:45.720 --> 01:20:50.280
you know, trying to feel things out, the more time you have, the better you pace,

1208
01:20:50.480 --> 01:20:57.640
the better the outcome for you, and so a minimum 60 days, but 90 days is optimum.

1209
01:20:57.920 --> 01:21:04.160
90 days, even even 87 days, it's not going to look like day 20.

1210
01:21:04.360 --> 01:21:06.720
50, it's not going to look like the days

1211
01:21:06.920 --> 01:21:11.200
that gives you time, time gives you a fuller picture of a person.

1212
01:21:11.400 --> 01:21:14.680
And so when you get to 90 days, it's time to make a decision.

1213
01:21:14.880 --> 01:21:17.560
Do I want to go exclusive or not?

1214
01:21:17.760 --> 01:21:22.440
And if all checks out, you didn't over spiritually talk,

1215
01:21:22.640 --> 01:21:26.440
invest, because when you do that, you think you know a person better than you do

1216
01:21:26.440 --> 01:21:28.840
and you don't know them. All right.

1217
01:21:29.040 --> 01:21:32.480
Also, you want to stay clear pet names, names of endearment.

1218
01:21:32.480 --> 01:21:33.840
You don't have the equity for that.

1219
01:21:33.840 --> 01:21:35.760
Know the infrastructure to hold those things.

1220
01:21:35.760 --> 01:21:37.720
It makes you believe, you know, a person better than you do.

1221
01:21:37.920 --> 01:21:40.000
We like how it feels because it feels good.

1222
01:21:40.200 --> 01:21:41.880
And it feels like something you've always

1223
01:21:41.880 --> 01:21:43.840
wanted to hear and something you've always wanted to know.

1224
01:21:44.040 --> 01:21:45.560
And that that doesn't work.

1225
01:21:45.760 --> 01:21:48.600
Well, see, it clouds your judgment.

1226
01:21:48.800 --> 01:21:53.480
So the boundaries, the three boundaries that we have is the yes until it's no,

1227
01:21:53.640 --> 01:21:58.080
is everything you need to make the best decision you'll ever make.

1228
01:21:58.280 --> 01:21:59.720
You won't be bamboozled.

1229
01:21:59.920 --> 01:22:02.920
You won't be fooled, ladies, and nothing will get over you.

1230
01:22:03.120 --> 01:22:07.320
Dating is a skill and this is the skill set.

1231
01:22:07.520 --> 01:22:10.920
OK, even if you see yourself get away

1232
01:22:11.120 --> 01:22:15.280
from the boundaries, you just go and put yourself back in alignment,

1233
01:22:15.480 --> 01:22:20.400
because remember, this is the time of observing and learning that person so you

1234
01:22:20.440 --> 01:22:22.280
can make a decision later.

1235
01:22:22.480 --> 01:22:26.080
But if you cloud this phase up.

1236
01:22:26.280 --> 01:22:29.680
You can't make a good decision.

1237
01:22:29.880 --> 01:22:33.440
Because it's too much stuff, it's you, you're too blind,

1238
01:22:33.640 --> 01:22:37.520
you're seeing through tight spaces and then later on you find things that are

1239
01:22:37.520 --> 01:22:41.120
more detrimental to you than your heart can bear or that you desire to bear.

1240
01:22:41.320 --> 01:22:43.960
And so I think that you're on a good track, Daisy.

1241
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:46.040
And I think that if you that's why this

1242
01:22:46.040 --> 01:22:49.640
program is designed this way and that's why the boundaries are the boundaries.

1243
01:22:49.880 --> 01:22:53.640
Now, y'all been dating six weeks and, you know, y'all start holding hands.

1244
01:22:53.840 --> 01:22:55.440
This is nothing wrong with it.

1245
01:22:55.640 --> 01:22:57.400
That's not what I'm talking about.

1246
01:22:57.600 --> 01:22:58.880
You know.

1247
01:22:59.080 --> 01:23:04.320
If that's what you choose, I'm not I'm talking about overly physical sex,

1248
01:23:04.520 --> 01:23:07.960
I'm talking about heavy kissing, heavy petting, heavy touching,

1249
01:23:07.960 --> 01:23:11.560
cuddled up on the couch, if you're doing that, you've things are cloudy.

1250
01:23:11.760 --> 01:23:12.720
You need to pull back.

1251
01:23:12.920 --> 01:23:15.280
You need to cut it out because you're not seeing well.

1252
01:23:15.280 --> 01:23:16.360
I'm not saying you're doing it.

1253
01:23:16.360 --> 01:23:17.760
I'm just telling you the things,

1254
01:23:17.920 --> 01:23:19.720
the things that you're concerned about,

1255
01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:22.840
they get cloudy when you cross over these things.

1256
01:23:23.040 --> 01:23:24.480
You are talking about scriptures.

1257
01:23:24.480 --> 01:23:25.320
You're praying together.

1258
01:23:25.520 --> 01:23:32.840
You're going to each other church cloudy, let release it, reset and keep going.

1259
01:23:33.040 --> 01:23:34.400
Right. Reset.

1260
01:23:34.600 --> 01:23:35.800
Hey, we don't do that anymore.

1261
01:23:36.000 --> 01:23:37.280
I can't see well.

1262
01:23:37.480 --> 01:23:38.800
Ladies, that's all you have to do.

1263
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:41.800
It's not the end of the world.

1264
01:23:42.000 --> 01:23:43.280
Yes, go ahead. Yes.

1265
01:23:43.280 --> 01:23:46.720
No, I was going to say, I mean, I've learned so much from you,

1266
01:23:46.720 --> 01:23:51.040
from this program, I've I've mentioned all of the things

1267
01:23:51.240 --> 01:23:55.640
that you have taught as far as boundaries,

1268
01:23:55.840 --> 01:23:58.160
no holding hands, no kissing, no, none of that.

1269
01:23:58.360 --> 01:24:01.600
In fact, I told him I don't trust myself.

1270
01:24:01.800 --> 01:24:04.680
Like, you know, David, like go to your house and you come here.

1271
01:24:04.880 --> 01:24:06.960
And I don't want to do that, you know.

1272
01:24:07.160 --> 01:24:12.480
And and so he's he says he's OK with it.

1273
01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:13.520
I mean, I'm just waiting.

1274
01:24:13.720 --> 01:24:15.440
I've told him about the 90 days.

1275
01:24:15.640 --> 01:24:17.480
He says he's here for the long run.

1276
01:24:17.680 --> 01:24:18.960
You know, we're going to see.

1277
01:24:19.160 --> 01:24:20.720
But

1278
01:24:20.920 --> 01:24:24.560
so I it feels right.

1279
01:24:24.760 --> 01:24:25.840
You know, it feels OK.

1280
01:24:26.040 --> 01:24:30.320
But I just like I said, being my first relationship after the divorce,

1281
01:24:30.520 --> 01:24:35.200
I just wanted to I just wanted to get someone someone else's perspective.

1282
01:24:35.400 --> 01:24:36.160
Yeah.

1283
01:24:36.360 --> 01:24:41.160
But something you said, though, real quick on the emotional intimacy.

1284
01:24:42.160 --> 01:24:43.960
What what is what do you mean by that?

1285
01:24:43.960 --> 01:24:48.080
Because like how are you not getting more emotionally intimate if you're trying

1286
01:24:48.280 --> 01:24:50.600
to get to know them deeper? Right.

1287
01:24:50.800 --> 01:24:53.640
So getting to know someone deeper doesn't mean you have to

1288
01:24:53.840 --> 01:24:58.400
in in, you know, dive into emotional intimacy.

1289
01:24:58.600 --> 01:24:59.960
So some things in knowing.

1290
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.480
persons for six weeks. First of all,

1291
01:25:02.680 --> 01:25:05.600
you don't even know how well they stood with their own hearts for you to give

1292
01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:07.880
them your heart. You see?

1293
01:25:08.240 --> 01:25:10.560
So even if when you're married,

1294
01:25:10.800 --> 01:25:13.400
there are places inside of a husband or a wife where they don't have the

1295
01:25:13.400 --> 01:25:17.360
capacity to hold the sacredness of the thing that their spouse cares.

1296
01:25:17.760 --> 01:25:20.480
You've been married before. You understand. You think they will understand.

1297
01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:22.160
You told them, but they didn't understand.

1298
01:25:22.400 --> 01:25:25.080
It's just because they didn't have the ability within them.

1299
01:25:25.560 --> 01:25:29.120
Just because somebody is your spouse don't mean that they could house the

1300
01:25:29.120 --> 01:25:32.200
deepest things of your heart, right?

1301
01:25:32.240 --> 01:25:34.160
Or the deepest wounds of your heart.

1302
01:25:34.640 --> 01:25:36.880
So that means if I'm getting to know somebody,

1303
01:25:37.080 --> 01:25:40.240
I wouldn't be talking to them about everything that happened in my marriage and

1304
01:25:40.240 --> 01:25:41.400
how much they hurt me.

1305
01:25:41.840 --> 01:25:46.240
The lowest places I've been or the things that happened to me in my childhood or

1306
01:25:46.240 --> 01:25:49.200
the way my dad could have done something or my mom could have done something

1307
01:25:49.400 --> 01:25:52.720
because I'm just six weeks in. Some things are so heavy.

1308
01:25:52.720 --> 01:25:55.680
They need to be when you come into covenant with a person,

1309
01:25:56.320 --> 01:26:00.760
those things are not to be lightly shared or just to be given out because those

1310
01:26:00.760 --> 01:26:03.400
are the jewels and the secret in the places of your heart.

1311
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:08.200
And everybody doesn't even store their own heart well for you to give over those

1312
01:26:08.200 --> 01:26:10.120
things. And it could be detrimental to you.

1313
01:26:10.320 --> 01:26:13.000
And so those are the type of emotional investments I'm talking about.

1314
01:26:13.000 --> 01:26:15.640
Because when you give out that type of emotional investment,

1315
01:26:15.840 --> 01:26:20.200
you feel closer to a person because you share something with them.

1316
01:26:20.200 --> 01:26:23.920
So, so treasure to your heart, you see.

1317
01:26:24.920 --> 01:26:28.800
And so that is totally different from getting to know a person in some level of

1318
01:26:28.800 --> 01:26:31.320
emotional debt, knowing their day to day thing.

1319
01:26:31.320 --> 01:26:34.040
They got angry about something y'all processed through the anger,

1320
01:26:34.280 --> 01:26:37.080
knowing that they, you know, oh, that they're hurt about something.

1321
01:26:37.080 --> 01:26:39.560
They lost something. They, this, this, their dog died.

1322
01:26:39.760 --> 01:26:41.240
Those are normal things of life.

1323
01:26:43.960 --> 01:26:46.920
You see? And so you can totally get to know a person better.

1324
01:26:47.480 --> 01:26:50.640
But there are deeper things. And then there are things that are, okay,

1325
01:26:50.760 --> 01:26:55.080
we have the, you have to be able to recognize the infrastructure that's there.

1326
01:26:55.160 --> 01:26:59.600
Can it hold this? And another thing, Daisy, when you're in this program,

1327
01:26:59.600 --> 01:27:02.360
because we've given you ladies, all of these, these strategies,

1328
01:27:02.680 --> 01:27:07.800
you don't have to base on how you feel. You don't have to say, it feel okay.

1329
01:27:07.920 --> 01:27:11.120
But I don't know if I'm missing something. You stick with the script.

1330
01:27:11.400 --> 01:27:14.920
Like you did just brought it to community and you share every little thing.

1331
01:27:15.160 --> 01:27:17.720
Then you have backup. You have people around you.

1332
01:27:17.720 --> 01:27:22.680
You have people that are praying for you and you're following the skillset of

1333
01:27:22.720 --> 01:27:26.280
dating boundaries, guard your heart.

1334
01:27:27.160 --> 01:27:30.000
You remember we said that we have, um,

1335
01:27:30.040 --> 01:27:35.040
discernment is the shield and hope of shield that covers our heart that allows

1336
01:27:36.640 --> 01:27:41.160
us to stay hopeful. We don't do one or the other.

1337
01:27:41.200 --> 01:27:44.760
It's both discernment and a hopeful heart,

1338
01:27:45.120 --> 01:27:49.400
but we have to use discernment as a shield to keep cover over our hopeful heart

1339
01:27:49.400 --> 01:27:53.320
so that we can hope. And so some of this say you, it feels good.

1340
01:27:53.360 --> 01:27:54.560
I think really what you're saying,

1341
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:58.920
it feels hopeful and I want you to enjoy the hopefulness days.

1342
01:27:58.920 --> 01:28:03.200
And don't allow the enemy to rob you of that joy and the hopefulness of the

1343
01:28:03.200 --> 01:28:04.720
excitement you feel. I know it says,

1344
01:28:04.720 --> 01:28:07.560
I don't want to get too excited and then it falls apart.

1345
01:28:07.800 --> 01:28:11.480
When you hear that, I want you to say it could fall apart. It is true.

1346
01:28:12.480 --> 01:28:14.720
It's just what it is.

1347
01:28:15.800 --> 01:28:18.400
And it's not that it's falling apart because of something you've done.

1348
01:28:18.400 --> 01:28:22.040
It's just because you need to see that person and that person needs to see you.

1349
01:28:22.040 --> 01:28:23.960
So it's to your benefit.

1350
01:28:24.680 --> 01:28:28.600
It's to your benefit to get upset and have an argument with each other.

1351
01:28:29.040 --> 01:28:32.960
It's to your benefit to find out if you can communicate through hard things.

1352
01:28:33.200 --> 01:28:35.400
It's through your benefit to deal with things.

1353
01:28:35.440 --> 01:28:40.040
It's your benefit for things to come up. You see,

1354
01:28:40.280 --> 01:28:43.280
so don't suppress these things. Allow them. If you, you know,

1355
01:28:43.280 --> 01:28:46.360
allow the outbursts it's to your benefit to know somebody to say you,

1356
01:28:46.400 --> 01:28:50.920
you had the food today, but I still want you. You're going to be like, Oh, okay.

1357
01:28:54.440 --> 01:28:58.680
So, um, you really, wow. You was harsh. You like, I'm so sorry.

1358
01:28:58.680 --> 01:29:01.960
I didn't want to be harsh. They gonna say, but I still want to talk to you.

1359
01:29:02.040 --> 01:29:07.200
I still want to get to know you. Oh, being chosen just for who you are.

1360
01:29:07.520 --> 01:29:09.520
And that's why in dating, we have to show it.

1361
01:29:09.520 --> 01:29:14.240
We owe it to ourselves to show up as us because when somebody choose you for

1362
01:29:14.240 --> 01:29:17.000
being you, that's a choice.

1363
01:29:17.480 --> 01:29:20.840
That is a choice and it's a choice worth holding on to.

1364
01:29:23.440 --> 01:29:26.640
Yes. Thank you so much. Yeah, it does. It does feel really good.

1365
01:29:26.680 --> 01:29:30.240
It's just like this man really wants to spend time with me.

1366
01:29:32.240 --> 01:29:35.160
Yeah. It's very, very different. So thank you so much.

1367
01:29:35.400 --> 01:29:38.560
You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And data also, and ladies,

1368
01:29:38.560 --> 01:29:41.880
we're going to wrap it up. Uh, I also enjoy the way you say, Hey,

1369
01:29:41.880 --> 01:29:43.120
I don't even trust myself.

1370
01:29:43.120 --> 01:29:46.200
There are certain boundaries I put in my life that are outside of these boundaries

1371
01:29:46.200 --> 01:29:49.280
just because of who I am because of where I've been. Um,

1372
01:29:49.280 --> 01:29:52.840
because I know myself well enough to say I'm not doing that.

1373
01:29:53.120 --> 01:29:56.040
And anybody that's in my life, they have to honor and respect that.

1374
01:29:56.040 --> 01:29:59.480
And if you, if you don't have any self-discipline and that's a you issue.

1375
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.840
If a person struggles with their, you mean tell me,

1376
01:30:04.840 --> 01:30:07.120
you can't talk to somebody, you got to kiss them,

1377
01:30:07.120 --> 01:30:09.560
like you got to some and you don't even know them,

1378
01:30:09.560 --> 01:30:11.880
then you got a bigger problem than me, buddy.

1379
01:30:11.880 --> 01:30:13.640
But go ahead, Daisy.

1380
01:30:13.640 --> 01:30:16.640
No, I was gonna say, I mean, I got that from you too.

1381
01:30:16.640 --> 01:30:18.880
And I was like, you know what?

1382
01:30:18.880 --> 01:30:21.920
That would help me do things differently, you know?

1383
01:30:21.920 --> 01:30:25.920
So yeah, I'm just like, if he likes it or not,

1384
01:30:25.920 --> 01:30:28.560
I'm gonna just say it, you know?

1385
01:30:28.560 --> 01:30:29.600
Yeah.

1386
01:30:29.800 --> 01:30:32.280
It's been super helpful, this program.

1387
01:30:32.280 --> 01:30:33.360
Yeah, that's so good.

1388
01:30:33.360 --> 01:30:34.400
I'm so happy for you.

1389
01:30:34.400 --> 01:30:35.760
I'm excited.

1390
01:30:35.760 --> 01:30:38.120
And you know, ladies, even after you go exclusive

1391
01:30:38.120 --> 01:30:40.360
and you say you like this guy,

1392
01:30:40.360 --> 01:30:43.680
you think you got some solid evidence

1393
01:30:43.680 --> 01:30:45.320
behind where you're going.

1394
01:30:45.320 --> 01:30:47.200
And he says, well, can we revisit

1395
01:30:47.200 --> 01:30:49.600
this ideal of not kissing until marriage?

1396
01:30:49.600 --> 01:30:51.640
You can say, you've respected my boundaries,

1397
01:30:51.640 --> 01:30:53.040
you honor my boundaries,

1398
01:30:53.040 --> 01:30:55.760
so yes, you may kiss me on my hand.

1399
01:30:55.760 --> 01:30:58.280
Yes, you may kiss me on my forehead.

1400
01:30:58.280 --> 01:31:00.080
Yes, you may show, you know,

1401
01:31:00.080 --> 01:31:02.960
you can pick something like that, right?

1402
01:31:02.960 --> 01:31:05.320
But we're not gonna, you don't want to do French kiss,

1403
01:31:05.320 --> 01:31:06.360
you don't want to do tongues,

1404
01:31:06.360 --> 01:31:07.520
you don't want to do any of those things.

1405
01:31:07.520 --> 01:31:10.040
Like, yes, this is appropriate sometimes, you know?

1406
01:31:10.040 --> 01:31:12.080
Or maybe we can move to holding hands.

1407
01:31:12.080 --> 01:31:15.120
Like, you can control all of those things.

1408
01:31:15.120 --> 01:31:16.760
And even when you start doing those things,

1409
01:31:16.760 --> 01:31:17.600
if you feel like you're doing it,

1410
01:31:17.600 --> 01:31:19.440
you don't let it about kiss you behind your ear, man.

1411
01:31:19.440 --> 01:31:20.640
You don't go back behind that ear.

1412
01:31:20.640 --> 01:31:22.640
Like, there's just some things that don't go.

1413
01:31:22.640 --> 01:31:25.520
I might almost do a peck on the lip

1414
01:31:25.520 --> 01:31:27.240
before you touch me behind that ear.

1415
01:31:27.240 --> 01:31:30.720
It's some spots that you don't need to be kissed, okay?

1416
01:31:30.720 --> 01:31:34.200
And you gotta, sometimes you can't even hold hands

1417
01:31:34.200 --> 01:31:35.680
too long and too hard, baby.

1418
01:31:35.680 --> 01:31:37.760
Them fingers can't get the movement

1419
01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:39.480
and all kinds of stuff.

1420
01:31:39.480 --> 01:31:42.080
We can't, hey, you gotta watch this stuff.

1421
01:31:42.080 --> 01:31:43.680
Y'all know how it go.

1422
01:31:43.680 --> 01:31:46.440
And so, you, you,

1423
01:31:48.840 --> 01:31:53.320
you gotta do what works for you, not work against you.

1424
01:31:53.320 --> 01:31:56.440
Because these things will speed up the process

1425
01:31:56.440 --> 01:31:58.680
and it'll take you quicker than you wanna go.

1426
01:31:58.680 --> 01:32:00.400
And it's gonna be really hard for you to slow down

1427
01:32:00.400 --> 01:32:02.600
because it just feels so good.

1428
01:32:02.600 --> 01:32:04.160
Y'all know it feel good.

1429
01:32:04.160 --> 01:32:06.880
Somebody call you baby, sweetie.

1430
01:32:06.880 --> 01:32:08.240
They wanna be with you.

1431
01:32:08.240 --> 01:32:09.880
You know, when you start liking a person,

1432
01:32:09.880 --> 01:32:12.200
how you just rub up against their shoulder a little bit.

1433
01:32:12.200 --> 01:32:13.200
It's inevitable.

1434
01:32:13.200 --> 01:32:14.480
The more you like a person,

1435
01:32:14.480 --> 01:32:16.840
the closer you're gonna wanna sit beside them.

1436
01:32:16.840 --> 01:32:18.800
The more contact you're gonna wanna have.

1437
01:32:18.800 --> 01:32:21.280
That's not lust, it's called natural.

1438
01:32:24.120 --> 01:32:24.960
Go ahead.

1439
01:32:24.960 --> 01:32:26.720
Sorry, no, I was just gonna interject here

1440
01:32:26.720 --> 01:32:30.720
that French is his first language.

1441
01:32:30.720 --> 01:32:32.520
And so I finally asked him, I was like,

1442
01:32:32.520 --> 01:32:35.080
okay, you have to say something in French.

1443
01:32:35.080 --> 01:32:37.200
And we were eating barbecue.

1444
01:32:37.200 --> 01:32:38.600
It was like, you know,

1445
01:32:38.600 --> 01:32:41.720
it was like just a casual lunch or whatever.

1446
01:32:41.720 --> 01:32:44.800
But he started speaking in French and I was like,

1447
01:32:44.800 --> 01:32:46.680
okay, you're gonna have to stop now.

1448
01:32:46.680 --> 01:32:48.320
It's getting a little hot in here.

1449
01:32:48.320 --> 01:32:51.440
So I think, yeah, you're right.

1450
01:32:51.440 --> 01:32:55.320
It's like, you know, you just have to know yourself.

1451
01:32:55.320 --> 01:32:57.440
And so when you said that about,

1452
01:32:57.440 --> 01:32:59.200
you put those boundaries on yourself,

1453
01:32:59.200 --> 01:33:01.280
I thought that's such a great idea.

1454
01:33:01.280 --> 01:33:03.240
You know, I should probably do that.

1455
01:33:03.240 --> 01:33:05.120
Yeah, that's good.

1456
01:33:05.120 --> 01:33:06.200
Yeah, that's good.

1457
01:33:06.200 --> 01:33:07.600
Yeah, I'm a sucker.

1458
01:33:07.600 --> 01:33:09.960
Them Nigerian men, they get to talking to me

1459
01:33:09.960 --> 01:33:11.040
like they singing a song.

1460
01:33:11.040 --> 01:33:13.280
I'm pleased, a South African hush.

1461
01:33:13.280 --> 01:33:14.600
Please stop talking to me.

1462
01:33:14.600 --> 01:33:16.760
I'm ready to get married.

1463
01:33:16.760 --> 01:33:18.080
Just can't do it.

1464
01:33:18.080 --> 01:33:20.360
It's just, stop it, stop it.

1465
01:33:20.400 --> 01:33:23.120
But anyway, it's something about accents

1466
01:33:23.120 --> 01:33:25.720
and I don't know, a masculine man.

1467
01:33:25.720 --> 01:33:27.600
You can tell when he's really masculine

1468
01:33:27.600 --> 01:33:31.200
and he's just, you know, glory be to God.

1469
01:33:31.200 --> 01:33:35.080
And so ladies, I hope this session was wonderful for you.

1470
01:33:35.080 --> 01:33:36.000
I enjoyed you all.

1471
01:33:36.000 --> 01:33:38.040
I hope you have a good night.

1472
01:33:38.040 --> 01:33:40.040
And yeah, Sarah, good.

1473
01:33:40.040 --> 01:33:41.760
And I will see you ladies next time.

1474
01:33:41.760 --> 01:33:43.560
Don't forget to finish writing the story

1475
01:33:43.560 --> 01:33:44.880
and post it for us.

1476
01:33:44.880 --> 01:33:45.880
Have a good night.

1477
01:33:47.560 --> 01:33:49.280
Have a good night.

1478
01:33:49.280 --> 01:33:50.320
All right.

1479
01:33:50.320 --> 01:33:52.240
It was amazing.

1480
01:33:52.240 --> 01:33:53.080
Thank you.

1481
01:33:53.080 --> 01:33:53.920
Bye y'all.

1482
01:33:53.920 --> 01:33:54.760
Love y'all.