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you

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you

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you

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hey everybody so good to see you guys it's our last session can you believe

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that five weeks goes by so fast you know when I originally thought hey let's do

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a Sunday night maybe that will be better for people I don't think it is actually

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we've had the least amount of people show up live in this book club which I

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think it's interesting you know you never know until you know and so yeah I

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think that this has been hard for people maybe because it's summertime maybe if

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was a Sunday a Sunday night in the winter time it would have been

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different but live and learn you know so I'm so glad that those of you that are

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here there's about 27 of you just so you know there's about a hundred and fifty

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people in this book club so yeah and the amount of question asking that is

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happening also very slim to none as far as in the app and in the Facebook group

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so also that so you guys we want to answer questions so if you get your

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questions in even though this is the last one okay if you get your questions

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in between now and next Sunday I'll still answer them in the app okay in the

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app or in the Facebook group if you happen to be in there so make sure that

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you ask your questions and I definitely will still answer them after that pay

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close attention to this because I'm gonna do some housekeeping here at the

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beginning of our session after that you will have access to your app group still

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because that's where your replays live and that is why you'll still have access

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but the community tab the question asking tab will disappear so the

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community tab will be gone after next Sunday there'll be no there'll be no

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other way for you to ask questions in there okay after next Sunday so next

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Sunday about this time that community tab will disappear but the replay tab

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and the curriculum tab those will still be there so you can still do everything

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and I think you have access to that for 60 days cool okay hello from Switzerland

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our faithful friend is up in the middle of the night hey that's dedication I

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love that okay so that's some housekeeping what else oh okay there's

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another tab that will also be available and it's called the resource tab so I

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think right now you have like courses replay community courses replays events

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I'm sorry community courses yes replays events and then resources and if you

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click on resources that is where you're going to find your rollover offer I told

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you that this book club and the three before it this is the first time we've

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ever done this and we've done it for every single book club this summer we're

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giving you an opportunity to jump into last year single for only $37 you can do

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a whole month of last year single for $37 it is a subscription but it's very

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easy to cancel if you do not want to do it any longer you cancel before it

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renews and it will renew on whatever date you started it on so if you started

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on the 20th of August it will renew on the September 20th and you just email us

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and we cancel it for you we have an amazing admin team they'll get back to

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you right away I think you're gonna love it because so many of you have

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attachment style stuff going on you have deeper heart work stuff going on

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there's so much more going on than just learning how to date better and so give

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it a shot for $37 for one month you're gonna jump right into heart work with

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with our heart work master coach Bethany Cooper she's a success story of this

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movement she's also a coach

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He has been coaching under me for the last five years.

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So she basically coaches just like me.

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You're getting Jackie Jr. with her.

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She is incredible.

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She's amazing.

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And it's gonna be awesome.

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It's gonna be wonderful.

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I do have a, for the first time in two years,

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I've opened up my own coaching books.

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I haven't done one-on-ones for quite some time.

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And so if you are interested,

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email us right away, you guys.

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I think there's only a couple spots left

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in the VIP, like one-on-one,

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and then there's a couple more spots left

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in the group one-on-one with me.

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But if you're interested in that,

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email us right away, admin at JackieDorman.com.

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I still think you should join the community.

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We're about to have our own

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community-based matchmaking app

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that's about to open up.

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It's not gonna be like a dating app,

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because guess what?

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Okay, have you ever heard of this app?

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Let me talk to you about this for a second.

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And I wanna see your comments, okay?

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Because I have 47 of you here

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that can give me some feedback.

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Have you ever heard of the dating app, Raya?

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R-A-Y-A.

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Put in the comments if you've ever heard

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of the dating app, Raya.

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Couple knows, couple yeses, mostly nos.

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Okay, the reason why you haven't probably heard of it,

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for those of you that are saying,

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no, I haven't heard of it,

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is because you can't get on it

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just because you want to.

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It is an exclusive app that you have to be invited to.

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It's for celebrities and rich people, okay?

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So people that make over a certain amount of money,

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you guys, they do profile the people.

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You have to be invited.

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You have to make over a certain amount of money,

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or you have to be smoking hot baddie

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that they think their men are gonna wanna see and talk to,

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and or you have to be like a celebrity.

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I've had a couple celebrity one-on-one clients

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that were invited to Raya.

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So just so you know, that's what it is.

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Now, the reason why I'm saying that

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is not to give us FOMO.

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Oh, we can't get on there with the rich, beautiful people.

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Okay, whatever.

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No, it's because that is how this app of mine

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is gonna work too.

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Instead of it just being open to the public

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and downloadable on the app store,

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you are going to have to access it through me.

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It's kind of like Jackie's list.

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And so you know that the people on there

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are healthier than just your average dating app consumer.

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Kind of cool, right?

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So it'll be by invitation.

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It's community-based matchmaking.

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You'll be able to refer people to be invited.

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So let's see, Rachel.

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Rachel, you can say, oh, you know what?

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My friend, Julie, is amazing.

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She's wonderful.

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Here's everything you need to know about her.

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I'm vouching for her personally.

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You're on the app and you're vouching for her personally.

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And then guess what?

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We extend an invitation to Julie.

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We extended an invitation to your friend, Jeff,

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your friend, Ron.

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I'm always running into amazing,

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masculine, mature, marriage-minded men.

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I will be inviting them on.

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So it's by invitation.

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Isn't that fun?

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It's fun.

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And so you'll be able to build your community,

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build your village.

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You'll be able to DM other people.

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It won't be, it's not really a swipe model.

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It's more of a DM model.

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The way that it works is that the algorithm on my app

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will kind of show you who you have things in common with,

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both men and women, whether they live near you.

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And you can kind of ask it that.

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Say, hey, show me people that live near me

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or show me people that like to crochet.

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I don't know, whatever.

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And so it will show you those people

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and then you can reach out to those people.

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You can DM those people.

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Hey, I see that we have pickleball in common.

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You know, I see that we both live in the same city.

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Where do you play pickleball?

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And once again, not just the opposite sex,

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but also the same sex, not for the purpose of romance,

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but for the purpose of a village and friendships.

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Okay?

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Sound fun? Sound good?

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Okay.

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So if you're not gonna join last year's single for anything,

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you should join for that.

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But I'm telling you, everybody can use some more hard work.

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Everyone can use to take a really close,

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good look at their attachment styles to the things.

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And you know what?

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We're gonna help you date.

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So we're gonna help you implement

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everything that you've learned here.

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The coaches that I have working for me are amazing.

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Almost every single one of them is a success story of mine.

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Now they were already coaches in their own right,

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but they came to me because they weren't dating coaches

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and they weren't this kind of coach, but they are coaches.

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They came to me, they came through my program,

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they had success, and then they stayed

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because they believe so much in what we do.

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And then they were trained

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and some of them have been working for me for years.

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In fact, all of them have been with me for years.

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I've had the same coaches for almost six years.

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So once again,

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they are schooled in the matchmaker mindset.

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They are gonna be able to take a good look

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at what you're doing and be like,

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no girl, no guy, that ain't it.

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That isn't it.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Your single days are numbered as 100.

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says. Hunter has been part of our community for a little while. Okay, so

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friends, give it a shot. Join. If you want private matchmaking with me, email right

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away. Admin at JackieDorman.com. Say, hey, put in the subject line private with

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Jackie and then tell me, tell us what it is that you're looking for and we'll send

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you back some information. You're gonna want to do that right away. I'm pretty

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sure that that's gonna be sold out probably sometime this week, maybe even

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tomorrow. It might be sold out already. So if that did happen, it's sold out

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already, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm not always up on the up, up, up. I know that one

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category is definitely sold out. So also, we have other one-on-one coaches. Like I

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said, I have lots of amazing coaches. So if group is not your thing, I still, I

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still think you should join group so you can have access to the last year single

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app, last year single village. Okay, so you can have access to that. But if

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one-on-one is what you really, really want instead of small group coaching, you

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want one-on-one, we also have that. Our coaches are available for that as well.

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So jump in. It's gonna be great. Okay, I want to go over a couple questions that

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were asked in the app because I think everyone can learn from them. I think

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they're really good and I would love to just talk about a couple questions that

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you guys asked me in the app that I think everybody can benefit from. All

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right, one of them is so good. One of them is Jackie, do you think that

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something that has started out in intensity could ever become intimate? So

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it's because it's started out pretty unhealthy, right? I'm just, I'm, I'm

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adding words. The person who asked this didn't say it was unhealthy. They just

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said, Hey, it started out in what we're calling intensity. Can it ever go, can it

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ever go to intimacy? That is what they asked. And I answered yes. Yes. Now you

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guys, it's not easy. If things start out a hundred miles an hour, it can feel

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kind of boring to take it down to the speed limit of 35. Think about it for a

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second. Okay. And if you're used to going a hundred miles an hour at the

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beginning of relationship, then a relationship that's going 35 miles an

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hour might seem really boring to you. And if you're one of those people that, you

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know, you want your nervous system activated, you want to feel all the

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feels. If you have, we're running the fairytale script and you're all about

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the excitement of the rollercoaster ride, then it's going to be hard for you. I

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just want to let you know, and I want to help you with this. And this is why I'd

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love for you to join Last Year Single. It's going to be hard for you to be in a

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healthy relationship because nothing that goes fast and furious is going to

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be healthy. It just isn't. Now I want to encourage someone here. I have seen

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people have come into my program and they've said, Jackie, you know, I met

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someone and you know, we just clicked so much and you know, we are so attracted to

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each other and it just went a hundred miles an hour and we started sleeping

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together. Now don't act all surprised. All right. Okay. I know a lot of you are

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Christians. You're like, Oh no, get out of here. Christians be having premarital

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sex. Lots and lots and lots of them. So don't pee on my leg and tell me it's

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raining because I know better. I've been in this seat for six years dealing with

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y'all. Mostly people of faith. Now I say that because there are some people in

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here that probably believe in premarital sex. You're not a person of faith

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necessarily. And you're like, Jackie, I follow you on Instagram and I jumped in

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here. I'm having a good time, but that's not necessarily my value ladder. That's

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fine. But I will tell you, even if it isn't, you see in the book, now that

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you've gotten to the end of it, you should be totally to the end of the book

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that sex always muddies the water. Sex outside of covenant commitment is always

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a bad idea. That's why my 90 day framework, I don't think you should even

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be making out. I don't think you should even get your nervous system and your

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dopamine and your serotonin and all of the hormones of connection even going

240
00:14:23.160 --> 00:14:26.200
because you're going to overlook some stuff. You're going to ignore some stuff.

241
00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:29.680
You're going to dismiss some stuff that you shouldn't. I guarantee you're going

242
00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:34.840
to do that. And ladies, I'm mostly talking to you. Now I've seen people

243
00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:38.680
come into my program and say, Hey, you know what? We started having sex. We

244
00:14:38.680 --> 00:14:41.800
didn't mean to do it, but we did. It's a slippery slope, blah, blah, blah, blah,

245
00:14:41.800 --> 00:14:47.720
blah. And then a lot of times you guys, those situations, those people, that

246
00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:55.400
flame burns out and they break up and now everyone's left feeling ashamed. Why

247
00:14:55.400 --> 00:14:59.640
didn't I see it before? I feel so used. Okay.

248
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.000
But there have been instances, there's not a lot of them,

249
00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.360
but there has been instances where people have come

250
00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:07.960
and they've said, Jackie, how do I slow this down?

251
00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:09.740
How do I put the brakes on?

252
00:15:09.740 --> 00:15:11.680
I wanna tell this person that I'm no longer

253
00:15:11.680 --> 00:15:12.680
gonna be sleeping with them.

254
00:15:12.680 --> 00:15:14.720
We've been sleeping together for a few months.

255
00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:17.740
I wanna tell them that, okay, and maybe it's not just sex,

256
00:15:17.740 --> 00:15:20.640
maybe it's a different version of intimacy,

257
00:15:20.640 --> 00:15:24.840
of fastness, of just making out and heavy making out,

258
00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:27.520
heavy petting, they used to call it back in the day,

259
00:15:27.520 --> 00:15:28.880
all the different things.

260
00:15:28.920 --> 00:15:31.600
And can you dial it back?

261
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:34.080
Some people have even said, I love you in the first month.

262
00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:35.720
They're like, can you dial it back?

263
00:15:35.720 --> 00:15:36.680
Yes, you can.

264
00:15:37.520 --> 00:15:40.000
And I've told them how to do it and they've done it

265
00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:40.840
and guess what?

266
00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:43.960
They did, they dialed it back, they paced better,

267
00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:47.000
they dated for months, they got engaged eventually

268
00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:48.080
and then they got married.

269
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:48.920
Has it happened?

270
00:15:48.920 --> 00:15:49.740
It has.

271
00:15:51.560 --> 00:15:54.120
Has that other person been willing to dial it back with you?

272
00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.360
Yes, that has happened.

273
00:15:56.360 --> 00:15:57.360
Is it the norm?

274
00:15:57.360 --> 00:15:58.760
No.

275
00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:01.640
Is the norm when people go 100 miles an hour

276
00:16:01.640 --> 00:16:03.280
down a dead end road and they break up?

277
00:16:03.280 --> 00:16:04.660
Yes, that is the norm.

278
00:16:04.660 --> 00:16:09.040
That is the highest percentage of intense relationships

279
00:16:09.040 --> 00:16:10.880
at the beginning will crash and burn.

280
00:16:11.800 --> 00:16:13.280
They will.

281
00:16:13.280 --> 00:16:16.040
And, and, or you will try to dial it back

282
00:16:16.040 --> 00:16:19.360
because you feel some kind of way about it

283
00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:21.780
and the other person will be like, sure,

284
00:16:21.780 --> 00:16:23.520
but then they don't and they don't want to

285
00:16:23.520 --> 00:16:25.380
and then they just break up with you.

286
00:16:26.380 --> 00:16:28.220
Okay?

287
00:16:28.220 --> 00:16:29.260
That does happen.

288
00:16:30.700 --> 00:16:33.460
So, if you are in a relationship like that

289
00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:34.700
and you want to dial it back,

290
00:16:34.700 --> 00:16:36.200
you need to go into the framework,

291
00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:37.640
you need to see what you should be doing

292
00:16:37.640 --> 00:16:39.300
in the first 30 to 60 days

293
00:16:39.300 --> 00:16:41.340
and even though it seems ridiculous

294
00:16:41.340 --> 00:16:43.420
that after going 100 miles an hour with this person,

295
00:16:43.420 --> 00:16:46.260
you would ask them to start going 35 miles an hour,

296
00:16:46.260 --> 00:16:48.600
if you do it and they agree to it

297
00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:50.740
and they also hold that line with you,

298
00:16:50.740 --> 00:16:52.440
you can do it.

299
00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:53.280
You can.

300
00:16:54.100 --> 00:16:54.940
Okay.

301
00:16:55.820 --> 00:16:57.060
All right, so that was one question

302
00:16:57.060 --> 00:16:59.560
that I thought was really helpful for everyone.

303
00:16:59.560 --> 00:17:00.940
And then the other question that I thought

304
00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:03.680
was really so good was,

305
00:17:04.520 --> 00:17:05.900
how do they put it?

306
00:17:05.900 --> 00:17:07.300
They basically said,

307
00:17:08.260 --> 00:17:10.500
can you please discuss why a man

308
00:17:10.500 --> 00:17:13.700
should initiate the exclusivity conversation

309
00:17:13.700 --> 00:17:16.619
and if he doesn't, what should a woman do?

310
00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:20.260
So, basically they were saying,

311
00:17:20.260 --> 00:17:22.500
hey, can you, can you, can you tell me

312
00:17:22.500 --> 00:17:24.859
why does it have to be a guy?

313
00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:26.140
Why can't I initiate it?

314
00:17:26.140 --> 00:17:28.580
Why do I have to wait for him to initiate it?

315
00:17:28.580 --> 00:17:31.260
And I wanna read my response to you

316
00:17:31.260 --> 00:17:33.420
because ladies, listen up.

317
00:17:33.420 --> 00:17:35.740
You can't lead him towards marriage.

318
00:17:35.740 --> 00:17:39.960
You are not meant to lead a man towards marriage, okay?

319
00:17:39.960 --> 00:17:43.460
The man should be leading you towards marriage

320
00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:46.520
and if he isn't, then he's not marriage-minded.

321
00:17:48.780 --> 00:17:50.100
Is he a bad person?

322
00:17:50.100 --> 00:17:51.900
No, you guys, did you read the book?

323
00:17:52.900 --> 00:17:55.340
People that are not ready,

324
00:17:55.340 --> 00:17:56.540
that are marriage-curious,

325
00:17:56.540 --> 00:17:57.660
but they're not marriage-minded,

326
00:17:57.660 --> 00:17:59.720
they're not necessarily bad people,

327
00:17:59.720 --> 00:18:01.680
but you're gonna see that really soon.

328
00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:02.880
In the first 60 days,

329
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:05.820
you're gonna see that this person likes relationship.

330
00:18:05.820 --> 00:18:07.640
They like companionship.

331
00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:10.460
They're not looking to get married anytime soon.

332
00:18:10.460 --> 00:18:13.500
And if you are looking to get married sometime soon,

333
00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:14.940
then they're not your person.

334
00:18:16.420 --> 00:18:19.480
If they're taking their sweet old time

335
00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:21.660
about making things exclusive,

336
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:24.460
about defining what this relationship is,

337
00:18:25.500 --> 00:18:28.220
about coming off the apps and not dating other people,

338
00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:30.300
if they're not sure,

339
00:18:30.300 --> 00:18:33.220
if when you hint around about exclusivity

340
00:18:33.220 --> 00:18:34.040
and they're just like,

341
00:18:34.040 --> 00:18:35.680
yeah, I don't think that I'm there yet.

342
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:39.500
You guys, ladies especially, you need to listen to this.

343
00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:42.420
Men that are marriage-minded,

344
00:18:42.420 --> 00:18:44.580
it's important that I put that in there.

345
00:18:44.580 --> 00:18:45.900
Not all men.

346
00:18:45.900 --> 00:18:48.300
And I think that if you're watching TikTok videos

347
00:18:48.300 --> 00:18:51.060
or Instagram reels from other dating coaches

348
00:18:51.140 --> 00:18:52.540
and other matchmakers,

349
00:18:52.540 --> 00:18:54.460
it's like men know in the first 10 seconds.

350
00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:58.940
No, a marriage-minded man will know who his wife is

351
00:18:58.940 --> 00:19:02.060
probably within the first handful of dates.

352
00:19:02.060 --> 00:19:05.340
He will know not who she is necessarily,

353
00:19:05.340 --> 00:19:08.740
but if he wants to pursue the woman in front of him

354
00:19:08.740 --> 00:19:10.580
towards marriage.

355
00:19:10.580 --> 00:19:12.340
A marriage-minded man will.

356
00:19:12.340 --> 00:19:14.220
A man who's not marriage-minded,

357
00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:16.220
a man that's just marriage curious,

358
00:19:16.220 --> 00:19:18.520
he can take months, even years.

359
00:19:21.220 --> 00:19:22.820
To figure out whether or not

360
00:19:22.820 --> 00:19:27.500
he wants to even be committed to you.

361
00:19:29.060 --> 00:19:31.780
Okay, so I went on to say,

362
00:19:31.780 --> 00:19:32.980
then he isn't marriage-minded.

363
00:19:32.980 --> 00:19:34.160
I said, pay attention.

364
00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:36.380
Okay, this is where it gets good.

365
00:19:36.380 --> 00:19:38.980
Okay, this is where I wanted to share this with you.

366
00:19:38.980 --> 00:19:41.340
The man is leading.

367
00:19:41.340 --> 00:19:42.860
I know we're like, oh, this man's not a leader.

368
00:19:42.860 --> 00:19:43.700
Oh, yes he is.

369
00:19:43.700 --> 00:19:46.540
You're just not noticing where he's leading you to.

370
00:19:46.540 --> 00:19:49.020
So pay attention to where a man is leading you.

371
00:19:49.020 --> 00:19:50.820
Is he leading you towards confusion?

372
00:19:52.020 --> 00:19:53.980
Is he leading you towards sex?

373
00:19:53.980 --> 00:19:56.380
Is he leading you towards his friends and family?

374
00:19:57.660 --> 00:20:00.220
To put you into his circle?

375
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.160
Is he leading you towards commitment?

376
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:04.080
Is he leading you towards clarity?

377
00:20:04.080 --> 00:20:09.320
Is he leading you towards marriage or is he leading you towards nowhere?

378
00:20:09.320 --> 00:20:17.040
The man is leading, he is, but where is he leading you?

379
00:20:17.040 --> 00:20:19.280
That's what you need to pay attention to.

380
00:20:19.280 --> 00:20:21.200
Where is he leading you?

381
00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:23.160
All right.

382
00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:28.680
So hopefully those two questions that were asked by our students were helpful for all

383
00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:34.480
of you, because I think that a lot of people deal with those two things.

384
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:39.080
All right, friends, we have a bunch of stuff that we need to do tonight.

385
00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:43.920
So we are going to get moving forward here.

386
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:47.520
Awesome, awesome.

387
00:20:47.520 --> 00:20:49.880
Actually before we, let me see.

388
00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:50.880
What time is it?

389
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:51.880
7.19.

390
00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:52.880
Okay.

391
00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:56.200
I want to make sure that we have time for Q&A.

392
00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:02.540
So before we do anything else, I want you to write down two sentences.

393
00:21:02.540 --> 00:21:05.600
So write it down on your phone, on your laptop, on a piece of paper.

394
00:21:05.600 --> 00:21:15.040
I want you to write down two sentences, okay?

395
00:21:15.040 --> 00:21:17.980
Five weeks ago, here's the first sentence.

396
00:21:17.980 --> 00:21:24.240
The version of me who walked into this book club believed blank.

397
00:21:24.280 --> 00:21:28.240
And the second sentence will be, the version of me sitting here right now five weeks later

398
00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:30.800
knows blank.

399
00:21:30.800 --> 00:21:34.480
So five weeks ago version of you believed what?

400
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:38.060
And the current version of you knows what?

401
00:21:38.060 --> 00:21:39.600
Not believes, but knows.

402
00:21:39.600 --> 00:21:40.600
Believed what?

403
00:21:40.600 --> 00:21:41.600
Knows what?

404
00:21:41.600 --> 00:21:44.680
Go ahead and take a minute to give me those two words.

405
00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:49.080
Five weeks ago, the old version of me believed blank.

406
00:21:50.040 --> 00:22:02.280
Today, this version of me knows blank.

407
00:22:02.280 --> 00:22:04.240
Here's kind of an example.

408
00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:09.280
Five weeks ago, the version of me who walked into this book club believed that I was too

409
00:22:09.280 --> 00:22:11.680
picky.

410
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:17.200
The version of me sitting here right now knows that I've just been calling my preferences

411
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:18.200
non-negotiables.

412
00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:20.120
That's it.

413
00:22:20.120 --> 00:22:21.120
There's the shift.

414
00:22:21.120 --> 00:22:22.120
You see the shift?

415
00:22:22.120 --> 00:22:23.360
I'm looking for the shift, you guys.

416
00:22:23.360 --> 00:22:26.040
I'm looking for your shift, and you might have more than one.

417
00:22:26.040 --> 00:22:29.060
I hope you do, but I just want to see one of them.

418
00:22:29.060 --> 00:22:31.160
Go ahead and put it in the chat.

419
00:22:31.160 --> 00:22:33.320
Put your first word and then your second word.

420
00:22:33.320 --> 00:22:35.800
You don't have to write the sentences out in the chat.

421
00:22:35.800 --> 00:22:45.480
Just put your first word and your second word.

422
00:22:45.480 --> 00:22:47.160
You guys are so good.

423
00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:50.560
The version of her five weeks ago believed a relationship could go really fast and be

424
00:22:50.560 --> 00:22:53.720
healthy, and this version of her knows that that's not true.

425
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:58.280
Yeah, you guys, make people spend time getting to know you.

426
00:22:58.280 --> 00:22:59.680
Don't give them.

427
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:04.360
Don't give yourself to people too quickly.

428
00:23:04.360 --> 00:23:05.360
You don't have to do that.

429
00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:12.560
I'm just going to tell you right now that a spirit mate, someone who has the ability

430
00:23:12.560 --> 00:23:19.240
to connect with you long-term in marriage is going to seek you out like a treasure.

431
00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:21.680
They're not going to try to get too much too fast.

432
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:25.120
They're going to be okay with your boundaries.

433
00:23:25.120 --> 00:23:28.360
They're going to be okay with those things.

434
00:23:28.360 --> 00:23:32.680
It's going to be good.

435
00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:39.320
They're going to be okay getting to know you.

436
00:23:39.320 --> 00:23:42.440
Being on the apps is a hopeless effort was what you believed.

437
00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:46.240
Now I know there is hope approaching with a matchmaker map.

438
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:49.840
Come on, Karen, let's go.

439
00:23:49.840 --> 00:23:53.920
Rebecca said 66 years old and I can still be happy after divorce.

440
00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:54.920
That's right.

441
00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:58.960
Sarah believed I'm too old and now she believes there is hope.

442
00:23:58.960 --> 00:24:03.560
Sarah, I just, this is just an interesting little tidbit, but someone with your exact

443
00:24:03.560 --> 00:24:06.680
name is one of my success stories.

444
00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:09.040
She used to be a coworker of my husband's at a mega church.

445
00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:12.040
He used to work at a mega church back in the day.

446
00:24:12.040 --> 00:24:15.360
And you know, years later, obviously I started doing this.

447
00:24:15.360 --> 00:24:16.880
She was my Facebook friend.

448
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:18.520
She saw what I was doing.

449
00:24:18.520 --> 00:24:19.920
She had never been married.

450
00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:21.320
She had never had any children.

451
00:24:21.320 --> 00:24:24.080
She really, really wanted to be married.

452
00:24:24.080 --> 00:24:28.360
And she was in, I think she might've been in her early forties, but anyway, she joined

453
00:24:28.360 --> 00:24:32.640
my program early on, probably 2021, 2022.

454
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:39.680
And she pretty quickly got success, um, with using our methods and changing her mindset.

455
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:43.280
And so I just felt like I wanted to share that with you, Sarah, just as, you know, an

456
00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:46.120
encouragement, someone with your exact name.

457
00:24:46.120 --> 00:24:47.880
That's her maiden name.

458
00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:50.080
Sarah King is a success story.

459
00:24:50.080 --> 00:24:51.080
So let's go for two.

460
00:24:51.080 --> 00:24:54.000
I like two Sarah King success stories.

461
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:55.000
I think that would be great.

462
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:56.000
All right.

463
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:59.320
Dating is scary is what Christine thought.

464
00:24:59.320 --> 00:24:59.920
She knows now.

465
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080
that she can flirt and date and feel safe.

466
00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:04.540
Come on, Christina, yes you can.

467
00:25:05.520 --> 00:25:08.320
Murray said, let's see,

468
00:25:08.320 --> 00:25:11.360
current version knows the non-negotiables preferences

469
00:25:11.360 --> 00:25:13.680
where the original version didn't know what to focus on

470
00:25:13.680 --> 00:25:15.080
to determine true potential.

471
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:16.400
That's really good.

472
00:25:16.400 --> 00:25:19.820
Megan said, I've been all the scripts

473
00:25:19.820 --> 00:25:21.680
and now I know how to set better boundaries

474
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:23.280
and expectations, love it.

475
00:25:23.280 --> 00:25:24.800
Five weeks ago, I didn't have a clue

476
00:25:24.800 --> 00:25:26.340
what you do when you meet.

477
00:25:26.340 --> 00:25:28.160
Now I have a better idea how to handle

478
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:29.560
the first 30 to 60 days.

479
00:25:30.120 --> 00:25:31.760
Kristen, I love that.

480
00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:34.700
You guys are making me feel so happy in my heart,

481
00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:36.120
I could cry.

482
00:25:36.120 --> 00:25:37.340
Because when I wrote this book,

483
00:25:37.340 --> 00:25:39.280
I thought it was so practical and so boring

484
00:25:39.280 --> 00:25:41.100
and I'm like, no one's gonna want this book.

485
00:25:41.100 --> 00:25:43.880
Everyone's gonna be like, it's not exciting enough.

486
00:25:43.880 --> 00:25:46.180
But I did it because I wanted you to have a field guide.

487
00:25:46.180 --> 00:25:49.040
So Kristen, that makes it all worth it right there.

488
00:25:49.040 --> 00:25:52.280
Star says, she's worth the wait 1000%.

489
00:25:52.280 --> 00:25:54.280
Hunter, I have a good picture of non-negotiables.

490
00:25:54.280 --> 00:25:56.120
Love that for you, Hunter.

491
00:25:56.120 --> 00:25:57.440
The version of me five weeks ago

492
00:25:57.440 --> 00:25:58.880
did not know how to see specific

493
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:00.600
marriage-minded details when dating.

494
00:26:00.600 --> 00:26:04.440
Now I have discernment to see if this would be a match.

495
00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:07.000
Five weeks ago, great areas in non-negotiables

496
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:10.240
versus preferences today, clarity and confidence.

497
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:12.320
I believed I picked badly.

498
00:26:12.320 --> 00:26:13.300
I wasn't good enough.

499
00:26:13.300 --> 00:26:15.560
Now I have wisdom, help and deserve a great guy.

500
00:26:15.560 --> 00:26:17.180
Things are gonna go differently.

501
00:26:17.180 --> 00:26:18.200
Going to do things differently.

502
00:26:18.200 --> 00:26:19.680
And I think they're gonna go differently.

503
00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:21.640
I thought I knew what I was doing,

504
00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:23.840
now I know I actually do.

505
00:26:23.840 --> 00:26:26.200
I wondered if I should compromise on non-negotiables.

506
00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:28.400
Now I know my non-negotiables are solid

507
00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:29.520
and I don't need to settle.

508
00:26:29.520 --> 00:26:31.160
All right, you guys, these are all amazing.

509
00:26:31.160 --> 00:26:32.640
So what I'm gonna do now is I'm gonna put you

510
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:34.080
in the breakout rooms because I want you

511
00:26:34.080 --> 00:26:37.080
to have a little bit of community time in each session.

512
00:26:37.080 --> 00:26:39.640
And I want you to share these two words,

513
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:41.720
these two sentences with each other.

514
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.520
We'll probably give about 12 minutes for this.

515
00:26:44.520 --> 00:26:46.360
Let me put you in a group.

516
00:26:46.360 --> 00:26:48.680
Just go clockwise when you get to the group.

517
00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:50.220
Everybody make sure you share.

518
00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:53.720
This may be our last kind of breakout session

519
00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:55.720
for you to get to know each other.

520
00:26:56.680 --> 00:27:00.920
So make sure that you enjoy it and take advantage of it.

521
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:02.880
All right, here we go.

522
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:04.440
You're gonna see something pop up on your screen

523
00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:07.440
that says join breakout room, and that's how you get there.

524
00:27:25.720 --> 00:27:27.640
All right, here we go.

525
00:27:56.720 --> 00:27:58.800
All right, just wait a couple more seconds

526
00:27:58.800 --> 00:28:01.000
for everyone to come out of their group.

527
00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:06.200
Hopefully you had a good time in there,

528
00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:07.920
had some good shares.

529
00:28:10.440 --> 00:28:13.360
Everybody got to share the shift

530
00:28:13.360 --> 00:28:15.640
that they've gotten so far.

531
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:20.640
All right, I think we're all back.

532
00:28:32.040 --> 00:28:35.640
All right, okay, so friends, we're gonna talk about,

533
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:39.320
I told you that I was gonna leave talking

534
00:28:39.320 --> 00:28:41.480
about the apps for tonight.

535
00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:43.340
I'm not gonna talk about it for very long.

536
00:28:43.340 --> 00:28:44.880
We've all been on the dating apps.

537
00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:46.440
We know what they're like.

538
00:28:46.440 --> 00:28:48.840
Now you know, after this book club,

539
00:28:48.840 --> 00:28:50.440
why they're the way they are.

540
00:28:51.320 --> 00:28:53.760
They're designed to be the way that they are.

541
00:28:53.760 --> 00:28:56.100
Except for, there are a few apps, you guys,

542
00:28:56.100 --> 00:28:59.700
and they're usually not really well-known apps.

543
00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:02.920
Apps like MyApp, that's gonna be by invitation only.

544
00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:04.500
There are other apps that,

545
00:29:04.500 --> 00:29:06.200
they're maybe a little bit more hokey.

546
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:07.960
Maybe they're not really well-designed.

547
00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:08.960
They don't have millions,

548
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:10.760
even billions of dollars behind them,

549
00:29:10.760 --> 00:29:13.780
so they're not sleek and shiny, but they do the job.

550
00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:16.520
They do the job.

551
00:29:16.520 --> 00:29:19.080
And there's a bunch of them for Christian people.

552
00:29:19.080 --> 00:29:21.980
Now, do they vet out people the way that I'm going to?

553
00:29:21.980 --> 00:29:23.000
No, they don't.

554
00:29:23.000 --> 00:29:26.080
They allow people to just join, you know,

555
00:29:26.080 --> 00:29:29.500
whatever, willy-nilly, and that's fine.

556
00:29:29.500 --> 00:29:34.500
But there are smaller apps that are just for Christians.

557
00:29:34.600 --> 00:29:36.080
For those of you that are Christians

558
00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:37.680
and you want a spirit mate,

559
00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:39.560
you want someone who is going to,

560
00:29:39.560 --> 00:29:42.200
you're non-negotiables or they have to love Jesus,

561
00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:44.520
you want them to be spiritually mature,

562
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:47.360
you want someone who is going to worship with you

563
00:29:47.360 --> 00:29:49.720
and go to church with you and all the different things,

564
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:51.720
raise your children in the faith,

565
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:54.960
you're gonna find those people on,

566
00:29:54.960 --> 00:29:57.120
if you're on an app, you can find them anywhere.

567
00:29:57.120 --> 00:29:59.960
I've had people meet their spirit mates on Tinder.

568
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.720
Okay, just so you know, you can find them anywhere, but you're more likely probably

569
00:30:06.720 --> 00:30:12.160
to find them on some of these apps that are just only for Christians or supposedly only

570
00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:13.240
for Christians.

571
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:21.120
And there's some smaller ones that people talk about that have, you know, like I said,

572
00:30:21.120 --> 00:30:22.120
they're not shiny.

573
00:30:22.120 --> 00:30:23.640
They don't have lots of money behind them.

574
00:30:23.640 --> 00:30:26.720
They may have a little bit more spam on them because, you know, those spam filters are

575
00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:32.620
really expensive and maybe those creators can't pay for those spam filters, but people

576
00:30:32.620 --> 00:30:34.920
have found people on them.

577
00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:40.960
I even represented one of them for a little while and that one was called, um, Oh Jackie,

578
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:42.960
what's wrong with you?

579
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:52.680
Um, that one was called ARK, A-R-K, A-R-K.

580
00:30:52.680 --> 00:30:58.520
You guys don't, don't share your phone numbers in the, in the chat.

581
00:30:58.520 --> 00:31:01.040
It's not a good idea.

582
00:31:01.040 --> 00:31:05.040
Please use wisdom.

583
00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:07.240
Okay.

584
00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:12.720
All right, friends.

585
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:16.600
Um, ARK is one of them.

586
00:31:16.600 --> 00:31:18.920
Salt, like the salt of the earth.

587
00:31:18.920 --> 00:31:20.520
That's one of them.

588
00:31:20.520 --> 00:31:26.440
There's one called higher bond that I've heard of higher bond, B-O-N-D bond, like higher

589
00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:27.440
bond.

590
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:32.680
Um, there's other ones that are supposedly Christian, but they are owned by big, big

591
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.700
dating, big dating owns them.

592
00:31:35.700 --> 00:31:40.400
And that is Upward Christian Mingle.

593
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:42.000
Those are owned by big dating now.

594
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:47.400
Big dating has bought those smaller people out and that's why those look like the way

595
00:31:47.400 --> 00:31:55.800
that they do, like shiny and you know, expensive look like they've been developed by real developers.

596
00:31:55.800 --> 00:31:59.580
And that is why they look like that because big dating owns them now.

597
00:31:59.580 --> 00:32:00.800
So those are a couple more.

598
00:32:00.800 --> 00:32:04.440
But you guys, once again, you can meet people, um, on Bumble.

599
00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:07.520
You can meet people on hinge.

600
00:32:07.520 --> 00:32:08.520
Hinge is a really good one.

601
00:32:08.520 --> 00:32:09.520
Actually.

602
00:32:09.520 --> 00:32:10.520
You can meet people on Facebook dating.

603
00:32:10.520 --> 00:32:12.360
People often ask me what's my favorite dating app.

604
00:32:12.360 --> 00:32:15.200
My favorite dating app is Facebook dating.

605
00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:18.720
And the reason why Facebook dating is my favorite app is because it shows you friends

606
00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:21.000
of friends.

607
00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:24.320
It won't show you your friends that are on there, but it will show you the friends of

608
00:32:24.320 --> 00:32:25.360
your friends.

609
00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:27.240
And so I like that it's anonymous.

610
00:32:27.240 --> 00:32:30.920
People can't get your Facebook profile from it, so you don't have to worry about that.

611
00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:32.660
They don't know your last name.

612
00:32:32.660 --> 00:32:36.400
Now anyone can take a picture of you nowadays because of AI.

613
00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:41.840
They can screenshot your dating app and they can run that reverse search that photo and

614
00:32:41.840 --> 00:32:47.040
they can find out who you are just so you know, okay, period.

615
00:32:47.040 --> 00:32:51.920
If you have any kind of footprint on the internet at all, they can find you.

616
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:55.960
So if you have a Facebook page, if you have an Instagram, if you have a dating profile

617
00:32:55.960 --> 00:33:00.920
and other things, if you have, you know, a picture of yourself on your work website,

618
00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:04.260
whatever, they can find you.

619
00:33:04.260 --> 00:33:06.280
But Facebook dating is one of my favorites.

620
00:33:06.280 --> 00:33:09.880
I've seen a lot of success from people at Facebook dating.

621
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:13.600
Now it doesn't matter what app it is.

622
00:33:13.600 --> 00:33:17.680
What matters is that you're going to date like a matchmaker and you are going to use

623
00:33:17.680 --> 00:33:20.700
apps like a matchmaker after being in this book club.

624
00:33:20.700 --> 00:33:21.700
And so what does that mean?

625
00:33:21.700 --> 00:33:24.840
That means you're no longer going to be swiping willy nilly.

626
00:33:24.840 --> 00:33:28.720
You know, every time you get bored, every time you get lonely, every time you get angry,

627
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:31.960
you're going to, you're going to delete the app and then download it again when you're

628
00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:35.060
lonely and delete it cause you're angry and download it again.

629
00:33:35.060 --> 00:33:38.320
How many of you have done that?

630
00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:42.200
How many of you have deleted the dating apps like never, never again.

631
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:45.480
And then you get lonely and you downloaded them again, didn't you?

632
00:33:45.480 --> 00:33:46.480
Nope.

633
00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:47.480
No swiping from the toilet, Susie.

634
00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:48.960
That's right.

635
00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:50.520
You got to have a strategy.

636
00:33:50.520 --> 00:33:53.680
And I give you that strategy in the book.

637
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:59.520
I give you the app boundaries framework on page 156 in the written copy of the book.

638
00:33:59.520 --> 00:34:02.160
I don't know what page it is in your ebook.

639
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:05.960
It says using apps like a matchmaker.

640
00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:12.679
We unpaused the dating app freeze last week, but I told you I'd talk about it this week

641
00:34:12.679 --> 00:34:15.120
of how just kind of refresher.

642
00:34:15.120 --> 00:34:16.920
How do we use apps like a matchmaker?

643
00:34:16.920 --> 00:34:20.120
Well, first of all, you have your non-negotiables now.

644
00:34:20.120 --> 00:34:22.739
Do not be afraid.

645
00:34:22.739 --> 00:34:26.580
Do not be afraid to swipe left.

646
00:34:26.580 --> 00:34:27.840
Don't be afraid to swipe left.

647
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:29.340
Don't have a scarcity mentality.

648
00:34:29.340 --> 00:34:31.760
Won't be running that scarcity script.

649
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:34.780
Also don't be running that fairy tale script like, Oh, they look romantic.

650
00:34:34.780 --> 00:34:35.780
They look handsome.

651
00:34:35.780 --> 00:34:40.179
No, it says right in their bio that they're not a match for you because you know, you're

652
00:34:40.179 --> 00:34:44.179
non-negotiables and you're like, well, I can make an exception for them.

653
00:34:44.179 --> 00:34:45.620
Well, then that's not a non-negotiable.

654
00:34:45.620 --> 00:34:48.360
That's a preference.

655
00:34:48.360 --> 00:34:51.020
You swipe left, swipe left, swipe left.

656
00:34:51.020 --> 00:34:52.020
Can I tell you something?

657
00:34:52.020 --> 00:34:55.900
You should be swiping left a whole lot more than you should be swiping right.

658
00:34:55.900 --> 00:34:59.540
But I need more options, Jackie.

659
00:34:59.540 --> 00:35:00.060
No, you don't.

660
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.960
You need better options, write that down.

661
00:35:01.960 --> 00:35:04.660
You don't need more options, you need better options.

662
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:09.520
And if you're consistently on an app for 30 days

663
00:35:09.520 --> 00:35:12.560
and you do not get one date from it,

664
00:35:12.560 --> 00:35:13.660
go to a different app.

665
00:35:15.040 --> 00:35:16.480
Stop wasting your time thinking,

666
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:17.600
oh, maybe they're gonna show up,

667
00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:18.780
maybe they're gonna download this app.

668
00:35:18.780 --> 00:35:20.620
No, give an app a chance.

669
00:35:20.620 --> 00:35:23.160
Look, you gotta create a plan.

670
00:35:23.160 --> 00:35:24.880
For those of you that are believers,

671
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:27.720
the Bible says you make a plan

672
00:35:27.720 --> 00:35:29.160
and then God orders your steps.

673
00:35:29.160 --> 00:35:30.920
You gotta make a plan.

674
00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:33.720
So here's the plan, I'm you.

675
00:35:33.720 --> 00:35:38.020
All right, I'm going to download Facebook Dating and Hinge.

676
00:35:39.520 --> 00:35:41.040
I do not recommend being on more

677
00:35:41.040 --> 00:35:42.640
than two dating apps at a time.

678
00:35:42.640 --> 00:35:45.160
And one, if you're not a good multitasker.

679
00:35:45.160 --> 00:35:48.200
And one, if you get over-stimulated easily.

680
00:35:48.200 --> 00:35:50.600
Okay, one, stick it out with one.

681
00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:53.360
All right, so I'm gonna download both of those apps.

682
00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:55.120
I'm going to create my profile

683
00:35:55.120 --> 00:35:58.600
based on what I learned in this here.

684
00:35:58.640 --> 00:36:00.960
I'm not gonna be afraid to talk about what I want.

685
00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:03.480
I'm not gonna be afraid to talk about who I am.

686
00:36:03.480 --> 00:36:05.560
Now, it shouldn't read like a resume, y'all.

687
00:36:05.560 --> 00:36:07.800
And it also shouldn't read like a warning.

688
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:10.960
Your dating profile.

689
00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:12.160
It shouldn't read like a warning.

690
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:14.200
And it also shouldn't read like a resume.

691
00:36:15.560 --> 00:36:18.960
Okay, I can't get into building your dating app profile

692
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:20.740
in this book club, because we don't have time.

693
00:36:20.740 --> 00:36:22.640
But we do that in last year's single.

694
00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:24.240
If you're interested in that, make sure you join.

695
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:26.600
Okay, so you do that.

696
00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:28.840
And then you make a decision

697
00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:30.320
about when you're going to swipe.

698
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:32.200
Not when you're bored, not when you're sad,

699
00:36:32.200 --> 00:36:36.160
not when you're angry, not when you're lonely, no.

700
00:36:36.160 --> 00:36:38.280
You know your schedule.

701
00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:39.560
Pencil it in.

702
00:36:40.680 --> 00:36:42.480
And it needs to be every single day

703
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:43.600
if you're gonna do this right.

704
00:36:43.600 --> 00:36:46.840
Every single day for 30 minutes, you're gonna swipe.

705
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:48.120
You're gonna answer messages.

706
00:36:48.120 --> 00:36:49.800
You're gonna swipe and answer messages

707
00:36:49.800 --> 00:36:51.140
during that time block.

708
00:36:52.540 --> 00:36:55.520
Don't binge it, all my ADHD friends.

709
00:36:55.520 --> 00:36:58.880
Don't go on an app for 15 hours one day

710
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:00.360
because you have the day off.

711
00:37:00.360 --> 00:37:02.480
And then don't check it again for three weeks.

712
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:03.600
You know who you are.

713
00:37:05.280 --> 00:37:09.060
You went on a swipe carnival, okay?

714
00:37:09.060 --> 00:37:10.920
And then what happened?

715
00:37:12.340 --> 00:37:14.020
You didn't go on it again for three weeks.

716
00:37:14.020 --> 00:37:15.660
People have been on there talking to you.

717
00:37:15.660 --> 00:37:16.960
People have been matching with you.

718
00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:19.280
Now it's too late, right?

719
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:21.920
If you don't say something to someone right away

720
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:25.340
after you've matched with them, then what?

721
00:37:26.680 --> 00:37:29.440
Can't just show up three weeks later like, oh, hey, hi.

722
00:37:33.900 --> 00:37:35.560
If you're going to commit to this,

723
00:37:35.560 --> 00:37:37.980
then you're gonna commit to looking at it every day

724
00:37:37.980 --> 00:37:39.960
just like you do your inbox at work,

725
00:37:39.960 --> 00:37:42.040
just like you do your email at work.

726
00:37:42.040 --> 00:37:42.880
You're gonna look at it.

727
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:43.960
Yeah, it's not romantic.

728
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:45.440
It doesn't need to be.

729
00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:49.520
And remember, you're hardly swiping right on anyone

730
00:37:49.560 --> 00:37:52.740
so you shouldn't have 100 messages to go through,

731
00:37:52.740 --> 00:37:53.580
should you?

732
00:37:55.800 --> 00:37:56.640
Should ya?

733
00:37:58.160 --> 00:38:00.640
Because you're actually reading their profile.

734
00:38:00.640 --> 00:38:02.280
You're not just looking at their picture.

735
00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:07.280
And if they don't seem like they would be someone

736
00:38:07.680 --> 00:38:09.440
who fits your non-negotiables

737
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:12.020
based on what they're sharing about themselves,

738
00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:15.120
then you do not swipe right on them.

739
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:19.320
Well, I'm just gonna give them a chance.

740
00:38:20.120 --> 00:38:21.180
No, you guys, we're past that.

741
00:38:21.180 --> 00:38:22.640
We're past that.

742
00:38:22.640 --> 00:38:24.240
We're not 22 years old.

743
00:38:24.240 --> 00:38:25.080
We're past that.

744
00:38:25.080 --> 00:38:28.680
Now we're only looking for serious candidates,

745
00:38:28.680 --> 00:38:30.800
serious inquiries only.

746
00:38:32.120 --> 00:38:33.100
Do you hear me?

747
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:38.760
Now we're not swiping left on them

748
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:42.360
just because we don't like their haircut.

749
00:38:42.360 --> 00:38:43.520
If we like their profile,

750
00:38:43.520 --> 00:38:45.560
if we like what they're saying about themselves.

751
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:48.100
You guys, the people that you don't want to swipe right on

752
00:38:48.100 --> 00:38:52.180
are the people who didn't describe themselves at all.

753
00:38:52.180 --> 00:38:55.580
They said, oh, message me for more information

754
00:38:55.580 --> 00:38:57.580
or ask me questions.

755
00:38:57.580 --> 00:39:01.220
No, create a profile that already shows you

756
00:39:01.220 --> 00:39:02.260
that they're low effort.

757
00:39:02.260 --> 00:39:03.360
Do you see that already?

758
00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:04.600
They're low effort.

759
00:39:04.600 --> 00:39:06.940
They can't even do it for themselves.

760
00:39:06.940 --> 00:39:08.820
Are they gonna do it for you?

761
00:39:08.820 --> 00:39:10.360
They can't even do it for themselves.

762
00:39:10.360 --> 00:39:12.420
Why would they do it for you?

763
00:39:12.420 --> 00:39:13.940
Anything, fill in the blank.

764
00:39:15.380 --> 00:39:17.540
Don't tell me that's a marriage-minded person

765
00:39:17.540 --> 00:39:18.880
who's using a dating app

766
00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:21.440
and literally has not filled in the bio section.

767
00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:23.700
No, it's not a marriage-minded person.

768
00:39:23.700 --> 00:39:25.300
It's not, it's not.

769
00:39:25.300 --> 00:39:27.900
It's somebody looking for a booty call, most likely.

770
00:39:30.820 --> 00:39:34.460
Looking for a booty call or looking for a mama,

771
00:39:34.460 --> 00:39:36.820
some lady who's gonna come along and be like,

772
00:39:36.820 --> 00:39:40.620
oh, poor thing, doesn't even know how to create a profile.

773
00:39:40.620 --> 00:39:42.280
I can help him.

774
00:39:42.280 --> 00:39:43.120
No.

775
00:39:45.140 --> 00:39:47.140
This is why you're single.

776
00:39:47.740 --> 00:39:48.860
Hear me.

777
00:39:48.860 --> 00:39:50.800
Only, if you're gonna be on these apps,

778
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:55.800
only swipe on people who have it figured out, okay?

779
00:39:57.820 --> 00:39:59.120
That's who you're gonna swipe on.

780
00:39:59.120 --> 00:40:00.420
So you're not gonna have.

781
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.480
hundreds of messages to talk to you.

782
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:04.220
You're like, oh Jackie, that sounds exhausting.

783
00:40:04.220 --> 00:40:06.760
Two apps and I have to like swipe

784
00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:08.180
and then I have to answer questions

785
00:40:08.180 --> 00:40:09.020
and I have to talk to people.

786
00:40:09.020 --> 00:40:10.960
And small talk, small talk's terrible.

787
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:13.240
Well, you shouldn't be small talking with very many people

788
00:40:13.240 --> 00:40:15.840
because you shouldn't have swiped on very many people.

789
00:40:19.940 --> 00:40:21.120
And this is what you don't want to do.

790
00:40:21.120 --> 00:40:24.260
Listen, this is how you use it as like a matchmaker.

791
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:26.560
You swiped on some people,

792
00:40:26.560 --> 00:40:28.820
you have some conversations going.

793
00:40:28.820 --> 00:40:31.400
Get to the date phase of those conversations.

794
00:40:31.400 --> 00:40:34.260
Don't keep adding more options to the queue.

795
00:40:35.580 --> 00:40:36.780
Don't keep swiping.

796
00:40:37.620 --> 00:40:40.540
You have conversations now, you don't need to swipe.

797
00:40:40.540 --> 00:40:43.240
You need to vet these conversations out.

798
00:40:43.240 --> 00:40:45.420
Friends, if they do not ask you,

799
00:40:45.420 --> 00:40:50.180
gentlemen, ask the woman for the date within three texts.

800
00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:52.320
Three.

801
00:40:54.980 --> 00:40:56.100
You're like, what do you mean three?

802
00:40:56.100 --> 00:40:58.740
I mean, if you started texting on a Saturday night

803
00:40:59.560 --> 00:41:00.820
and you continued on a Sunday morning,

804
00:41:00.820 --> 00:41:03.620
by Sunday night, that next session,

805
00:41:03.620 --> 00:41:06.820
if you stop and then you start again, that's two sessions.

806
00:41:06.820 --> 00:41:08.220
And then you stop and you start again,

807
00:41:08.220 --> 00:41:10.800
even if it's the same day, that's three sessions.

808
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:13.460
By the third session, if there's not a plan

809
00:41:13.460 --> 00:41:16.780
to meet up in person or to get on a FaceTime or something,

810
00:41:16.780 --> 00:41:17.620
done.

811
00:41:19.060 --> 00:41:20.140
Gentlemen, ask.

812
00:41:20.140 --> 00:41:22.200
Ladies, ask.

813
00:41:24.500 --> 00:41:26.580
My guy clients, ask.

814
00:41:26.580 --> 00:41:28.940
Ask for the phone call, ask for the FaceTime,

815
00:41:28.940 --> 00:41:31.160
ask for the in-person if you're local.

816
00:41:31.160 --> 00:41:33.580
Ladies, you can also drop the hanky and ask,

817
00:41:33.580 --> 00:41:38.320
hey, let's continue this conversation on FaceTime.

818
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:40.580
Let's continue this conversation over coffee.

819
00:41:42.060 --> 00:41:45.140
If they don't jump on that immediately,

820
00:41:45.140 --> 00:41:46.960
then thank you next.

821
00:41:48.620 --> 00:41:49.860
All they want is attention.

822
00:41:49.860 --> 00:41:54.100
They have no intention of getting together with you.

823
00:41:54.100 --> 00:41:56.320
Because you guys, it's a dating app.

824
00:41:57.060 --> 00:41:58.320
That's why it's called a dating app.

825
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:00.240
And so if they don't want to go on a date,

826
00:42:00.240 --> 00:42:01.400
then what are we doing?

827
00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:05.600
You're like, Jackie, this is savage.

828
00:42:05.600 --> 00:42:07.740
Yeah, it has to be savage.

829
00:42:07.740 --> 00:42:09.600
There's millions of people on this app.

830
00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:12.520
And if you want to weed out the people that are not serious,

831
00:42:12.520 --> 00:42:14.480
you've got to follow these rules.

832
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:18.920
No, Jody, you don't got to text them that they're moving on.

833
00:42:20.120 --> 00:42:21.720
If you ask for the date and they're just like,

834
00:42:21.720 --> 00:42:23.500
oh, I don't know, I'm pretty busy right now,

835
00:42:23.500 --> 00:42:26.060
maybe next month, done.

836
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:29.160
You don't have to tell them you're moving on,

837
00:42:29.160 --> 00:42:31.200
just be, okay, I'm looking for people

838
00:42:31.200 --> 00:42:33.040
who are ready to date now.

839
00:42:33.040 --> 00:42:35.160
I hope you find what you're looking for.

840
00:42:35.160 --> 00:42:36.000
Bye.

841
00:42:38.320 --> 00:42:40.560
If they do something to violate your non-negotiables

842
00:42:40.560 --> 00:42:44.880
during the conversation, just bless them and block them.

843
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:46.600
You don't have to tell them that they violate

844
00:42:46.600 --> 00:42:48.560
your non-negotiables, especially if it's something crude

845
00:42:48.560 --> 00:42:50.480
and rude, especially if it has nudity,

846
00:42:50.480 --> 00:42:55.080
especially if it's something just, you know, profane.

847
00:42:55.080 --> 00:42:56.840
Bless them and block them.

848
00:42:56.840 --> 00:42:59.040
You don't got to try to lead them to Jesus.

849
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:02.480
I know you ladies, you're like,

850
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:04.520
why would you send me that?

851
00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:06.520
That's wrong.

852
00:43:06.520 --> 00:43:08.200
God is not happy with you.

853
00:43:08.200 --> 00:43:11.920
What, why?

854
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:13.480
Why would you do that?

855
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:14.960
Just bless them and block them.

856
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:17.440
Lord, help this individual.

857
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:18.720
They need help, Lord.

858
00:43:18.720 --> 00:43:21.260
Lord, you see this person, they need some help.

859
00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:22.100
Block.

860
00:43:26.080 --> 00:43:28.040
Block them.

861
00:43:28.040 --> 00:43:29.160
Okay, all right.

862
00:43:29.160 --> 00:43:32.440
So, you shouldn't be talking to tons of people.

863
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:35.080
Don't swipe on new people when you have people actively

864
00:43:35.080 --> 00:43:36.300
that you're talking to.

865
00:43:36.300 --> 00:43:37.560
You're gonna confuse yourself,

866
00:43:37.560 --> 00:43:40.360
you're gonna get overwhelmed, and then you're gonna quit.

867
00:43:41.660 --> 00:43:42.500
You're gonna quit.

868
00:43:42.500 --> 00:43:45.160
You cannot do too many things at one time.

869
00:43:45.160 --> 00:43:50.160
When you get someone that you're going on regular dates with

870
00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:54.200
that's when the 90-day framework comes into play.

871
00:43:54.200 --> 00:43:55.360
And we're gonna talk about that next.

872
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:58.320
But right now, we'll talk about page number 157

873
00:43:58.320 --> 00:43:59.480
in the written text.

874
00:43:59.480 --> 00:44:01.760
If you have the e-book, I don't know what page it's on,

875
00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:05.200
but it's the block that says App Boundaries Framework.

876
00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:06.720
Here's the strategic use.

877
00:44:06.720 --> 00:44:09.720
You open app with a specific window of time and intention.

878
00:44:09.720 --> 00:44:11.560
We talked about that just now.

879
00:44:11.560 --> 00:44:12.840
You swipe selectively.

880
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:14.600
You read the profiles for people

881
00:44:14.600 --> 00:44:17.560
that actually fit what you're looking for.

882
00:44:17.560 --> 00:44:18.840
You move to a real date.

883
00:44:18.840 --> 00:44:21.360
This says within five to seven days of matching,

884
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:23.920
but I want you to add within three conversations.

885
00:44:24.640 --> 00:44:25.640
You move to a real date.

886
00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:30.120
Now, you guys, you might be like,

887
00:44:30.120 --> 00:44:32.320
well, what if we didn't have three conversations

888
00:44:32.320 --> 00:44:33.640
and it's been over seven days?

889
00:44:33.640 --> 00:44:34.960
Thank you, next.

890
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:36.320
This person's too busy.

891
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:37.520
They're not on the apps.

892
00:44:37.520 --> 00:44:39.600
They're not doing anything, okay?

893
00:44:39.600 --> 00:44:41.120
All right.

894
00:44:41.120 --> 00:44:44.040
Set specific times to check.

895
00:44:44.040 --> 00:44:46.600
Otherwise, the app is closed.

896
00:44:46.600 --> 00:44:48.280
Do not set notifications.

897
00:44:48.280 --> 00:44:50.560
Do not let that app notify you all day long

898
00:44:50.560 --> 00:44:53.160
that, oh, Gerald likes you.

899
00:44:53.160 --> 00:44:54.600
No, we don't want that.

900
00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:56.720
We don't need that.

901
00:44:56.720 --> 00:44:58.000
We don't need that kind of distraction.

902
00:44:58.000 --> 00:44:59.720
We don't need our nervous system.

903
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.980
being all riled up.

904
00:45:01.980 --> 00:45:03.780
We know when we're gonna swipe,

905
00:45:03.780 --> 00:45:05.340
if Gerald is your spirit mate,

906
00:45:05.340 --> 00:45:08.300
he will still be there when you get out off work

907
00:45:08.300 --> 00:45:09.460
and you swipe, okay?

908
00:45:09.460 --> 00:45:12.500
Or you answer the questions or whatever you're gonna do.

909
00:45:12.500 --> 00:45:15.820
All right, uses the app to access people,

910
00:45:15.820 --> 00:45:17.700
then gets off the app.

911
00:45:17.700 --> 00:45:19.980
Has two to three active conversations,

912
00:45:19.980 --> 00:45:22.340
each moving towards a date, okay?

913
00:45:22.340 --> 00:45:24.500
That's strategic use, you guys.

914
00:45:24.500 --> 00:45:25.620
So if you have any questions,

915
00:45:25.620 --> 00:45:27.620
hold them to the end and we'll talk about it.

916
00:45:27.620 --> 00:45:29.540
Treats every match as a door.

917
00:45:29.540 --> 00:45:31.500
You either open it or close it.

918
00:45:31.500 --> 00:45:34.000
Recognizes when emotional state

919
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:36.380
will compromise judgment and weights.

920
00:45:36.380 --> 00:45:37.340
What does that mean?

921
00:45:37.340 --> 00:45:39.380
That means that you had a really bad date

922
00:45:39.380 --> 00:45:40.820
or something happened at work,

923
00:45:40.820 --> 00:45:43.340
something's causing you to feel emotional,

924
00:45:43.340 --> 00:45:46.420
vulnerable, raw, angry, upset.

925
00:45:47.780 --> 00:45:48.860
You don't get on the apps

926
00:45:48.860 --> 00:45:51.500
when that's going on in your life, okay?

927
00:45:52.860 --> 00:45:55.120
Take some time, do some self-care,

928
00:45:57.300 --> 00:45:58.740
then you can check your app.

929
00:45:58.740 --> 00:46:00.940
Okay, all right, all right, you guys.

930
00:46:00.940 --> 00:46:04.500
So once you have a few relationships going,

931
00:46:04.500 --> 00:46:05.340
people often ask me,

932
00:46:05.340 --> 00:46:07.380
hey, should I just focus on one person?

933
00:46:07.380 --> 00:46:09.060
It depends on whether or not

934
00:46:09.060 --> 00:46:12.300
there's a strong enough connection to focus on one person.

935
00:46:13.740 --> 00:46:15.700
If it's someone you've only had coffee with

936
00:46:15.700 --> 00:46:17.100
and you don't have another plan

937
00:46:17.100 --> 00:46:18.500
because they're going on vacation

938
00:46:18.500 --> 00:46:21.180
and you're not gonna see them for three weeks, then no.

939
00:46:21.180 --> 00:46:23.460
Keep seeing other people.

940
00:46:23.460 --> 00:46:25.260
You don't have to go down to one person

941
00:46:25.260 --> 00:46:28.180
until it makes sense to go down to one person.

942
00:46:29.300 --> 00:46:30.740
You guys get that?

943
00:46:30.740 --> 00:46:32.740
I know a lot of you, especially older folks,

944
00:46:32.740 --> 00:46:34.660
you're like, oh, that doesn't feel good to me.

945
00:46:34.660 --> 00:46:36.620
Like, I can't talk to more than one person at a time.

946
00:46:36.620 --> 00:46:38.300
I'm gonna feel like I'm a two-timer.

947
00:46:38.300 --> 00:46:39.520
Two-timing what?

948
00:46:39.520 --> 00:46:42.620
You're not in a relationship with that person.

949
00:46:42.620 --> 00:46:43.660
That person hasn't asked you

950
00:46:43.660 --> 00:46:45.300
to be in a relationship with them.

951
00:46:47.100 --> 00:46:50.560
It's fine for you to talk to more than one person.

952
00:46:50.560 --> 00:46:53.620
Now, here is the thing that changes that.

953
00:46:53.620 --> 00:46:58.500
If you've become physical with someone,

954
00:46:58.660 --> 00:47:00.020
you got a really great date,

955
00:47:00.020 --> 00:47:02.060
now you're holding hands on the second date,

956
00:47:02.060 --> 00:47:03.200
you're kissing goodnight,

957
00:47:03.200 --> 00:47:05.700
you're automatically now focusing on that person.

958
00:47:07.500 --> 00:47:10.860
You've just escalated that to focusing on that person.

959
00:47:11.860 --> 00:47:14.420
There isn't any reason why you're kissing one person

960
00:47:14.420 --> 00:47:16.720
on a date and you're going out with a different person

961
00:47:16.720 --> 00:47:17.980
on a different day.

962
00:47:17.980 --> 00:47:19.280
I wouldn't recommend that.

963
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:22.500
Focus on this person now.

964
00:47:22.500 --> 00:47:24.760
See if this can go anywhere.

965
00:47:24.760 --> 00:47:26.020
It's already intensified,

966
00:47:26.020 --> 00:47:28.020
so we need to see if it can go anywhere.

967
00:47:29.020 --> 00:47:31.000
Definitely don't be doing that

968
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:32.860
with more than one person at a time.

969
00:47:33.820 --> 00:47:37.760
Going on dates, being romantic, hugging, kissing.

970
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:40.580
Don't, don't do that with more than one person.

971
00:47:40.580 --> 00:47:42.880
Gentlemen, I'm talking to you.

972
00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:43.780
All right.

973
00:47:43.780 --> 00:47:45.120
Okay, I'm just kidding.

974
00:47:45.120 --> 00:47:46.180
I'm talking to the ladies too.

975
00:47:46.180 --> 00:47:49.240
I've had some crazy stories, you guys.

976
00:47:49.240 --> 00:47:50.380
I just, I've heard it all.

977
00:47:50.380 --> 00:47:51.340
It doesn't matter.

978
00:47:51.340 --> 00:47:53.140
All right, so when you like someone

979
00:47:53.140 --> 00:47:54.640
and you're getting to know them,

980
00:47:54.640 --> 00:47:56.100
you've been on a handful of dates,

981
00:47:56.100 --> 00:47:59.180
this is where the 90-day framework comes into play.

982
00:47:59.180 --> 00:48:00.600
You guys, there's exceptions.

983
00:48:00.600 --> 00:48:01.780
These are not rules.

984
00:48:01.780 --> 00:48:02.860
This is a framework.

985
00:48:02.860 --> 00:48:04.460
It's guardrails on the road.

986
00:48:04.460 --> 00:48:06.680
It's not rules, okay?

987
00:48:07.880 --> 00:48:09.180
There could be situations

988
00:48:09.180 --> 00:48:11.540
that make this timeline different for you.

989
00:48:11.540 --> 00:48:13.200
This is just a guardrail for you.

990
00:48:13.200 --> 00:48:15.660
Days one through 30, curiosity.

991
00:48:15.660 --> 00:48:17.600
You're having all kinds of fun.

992
00:48:17.600 --> 00:48:18.940
You're having conversations.

993
00:48:18.940 --> 00:48:19.780
You're going out.

994
00:48:19.780 --> 00:48:20.600
You're observing.

995
00:48:20.600 --> 00:48:21.700
You're not deciding whether or not

996
00:48:21.700 --> 00:48:23.980
they're your husband or wife.

997
00:48:23.980 --> 00:48:25.020
Gentlemen, you might be,

998
00:48:25.020 --> 00:48:26.580
because once again, marriage-minded men

999
00:48:26.580 --> 00:48:27.600
pretty much know quickly

1000
00:48:27.600 --> 00:48:29.580
if they want to pursue a woman towards marriage,

1001
00:48:29.580 --> 00:48:31.500
and if that's the case, then great,

1002
00:48:31.500 --> 00:48:33.260
but don't tell her that you're doing that

1003
00:48:33.260 --> 00:48:34.420
in the first 30 days.

1004
00:48:35.700 --> 00:48:37.220
Do not tell her,

1005
00:48:37.220 --> 00:48:40.300
God told me you're my wife in the first 30 days.

1006
00:48:40.300 --> 00:48:43.620
Do not tell her, oh, I can see myself married to you

1007
00:48:43.620 --> 00:48:44.720
in the first 30 days.

1008
00:48:44.720 --> 00:48:48.260
Do not do this, okay?

1009
00:48:48.260 --> 00:48:50.480
Just let it unfold.

1010
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:52.300
Just let it blossom like a flower.

1011
00:48:52.300 --> 00:48:54.020
Don't try to pry it open.

1012
00:48:54.020 --> 00:48:55.460
All right, so the first 30 days,

1013
00:48:55.460 --> 00:48:58.060
curiosity is the main word here.

1014
00:48:58.060 --> 00:49:00.140
We're not in love with anyone yet, you guys.

1015
00:49:00.140 --> 00:49:01.080
We're not in love.

1016
00:49:01.080 --> 00:49:03.260
Anything that you feel during the first 30 days

1017
00:49:03.260 --> 00:49:04.180
is not love.

1018
00:49:04.180 --> 00:49:05.900
Don't tell someone you love them.

1019
00:49:05.900 --> 00:49:07.060
It is infatuation.

1020
00:49:07.060 --> 00:49:08.060
It is hormones.

1021
00:49:08.060 --> 00:49:10.460
It is chemicals that is happening here.

1022
00:49:10.460 --> 00:49:13.860
We don't need to say I love you in the first 30 days.

1023
00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:16.660
Now, if someone does say that to you,

1024
00:49:16.660 --> 00:49:18.540
does that mean they're a terrible, horrible monster

1025
00:49:18.540 --> 00:49:19.520
and that you should break up with them?

1026
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:20.360
They're a love bomber.

1027
00:49:20.360 --> 00:49:21.460
You need to run for the hills.

1028
00:49:21.460 --> 00:49:22.780
Not necessarily.

1029
00:49:22.780 --> 00:49:26.300
Look at all the other things that they're doing

1030
00:49:27.180 --> 00:49:29.580
because some people, they don't have this kind of training.

1031
00:49:29.580 --> 00:49:30.660
They don't know any better.

1032
00:49:30.660 --> 00:49:31.680
They feel the feelings.

1033
00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:32.900
They want to say the words.

1034
00:49:32.900 --> 00:49:34.820
Okay, look at all the other stuff.

1035
00:49:34.820 --> 00:49:35.980
Are they consistent?

1036
00:49:35.980 --> 00:49:37.540
Are they stable?

1037
00:49:39.740 --> 00:49:42.280
Are they introducing you to friends and family?

1038
00:49:43.860 --> 00:49:45.460
It's great they're saying they love you,

1039
00:49:45.460 --> 00:49:48.660
but does it look like they're very serious about you as well?

1040
00:49:48.660 --> 00:49:49.500
That's important.

1041
00:49:49.500 --> 00:49:52.260
Okay, so days 31 through 60, clarity.

1042
00:49:52.740 --> 00:49:56.180
This is where we're going to start narrowing things down.

1043
00:49:56.180 --> 00:49:58.620
This person keeps showing up.

1044
00:49:58.620 --> 00:49:59.660
They keep investing.

1045
00:49:59.660 --> 00:50:00.500
That's great.

1046
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.480
Right, this is where we're gonna really look at capacity.

1047
00:50:02.480 --> 00:50:05.080
Does this person have capacity?

1048
00:50:05.080 --> 00:50:07.440
This is where you start having real conversations.

1049
00:50:07.440 --> 00:50:10.320
You guys, somewhere in between 30,

1050
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:12.260
depending on how many times you've gotten together

1051
00:50:12.260 --> 00:50:14.000
and how many conversations you've had,

1052
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:15.840
somewhere after the first,

1053
00:50:16.700 --> 00:50:18.440
a lot of times people haven't had more than four

1054
00:50:18.440 --> 00:50:20.060
to five dates in the first month.

1055
00:50:20.060 --> 00:50:22.680
But somewhere along that line is where you're going to,

1056
00:50:22.680 --> 00:50:24.080
and it's gonna feel natural.

1057
00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:26.140
Don't force it, it's gonna feel natural.

1058
00:50:26.140 --> 00:50:28.840
This is where you start talking about deeper values.

1059
00:50:28.840 --> 00:50:32.760
This person already knows your value ladder in life,

1060
00:50:32.760 --> 00:50:34.640
because you've already shared that stuff with each other.

1061
00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:38.760
You've had five or six pretty good conversations

1062
00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:40.040
over some dates.

1063
00:50:40.040 --> 00:50:43.520
You're going to start to share your deeper values,

1064
00:50:43.520 --> 00:50:45.280
your deeper vision for your life,

1065
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:48.000
where your life is going, what you wanna do.

1066
00:50:48.840 --> 00:50:51.760
And then, and this is where you also might share,

1067
00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:53.760
very important, please pay attention,

1068
00:50:53.760 --> 00:50:55.520
this is where you would share anything

1069
00:50:55.520 --> 00:50:57.640
that would be a deal breaker for them.

1070
00:50:58.960 --> 00:51:00.480
And encourage them to share anything

1071
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:01.760
that would be a deal breaker for you.

1072
00:51:01.760 --> 00:51:03.440
Right here, you guys, you don't wanna get past

1073
00:51:03.440 --> 00:51:04.800
the 60 day mark with someone

1074
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:06.800
that you're gonna have to break up with.

1075
00:51:08.060 --> 00:51:11.800
This is where you would share after 30 days,

1076
00:51:11.800 --> 00:51:14.400
four or five dates, this is where you're gonna share

1077
00:51:15.880 --> 00:51:18.600
some kind of hard custody arrangement that you have.

1078
00:51:19.680 --> 00:51:21.600
Something that could cause them to be like,

1079
00:51:21.600 --> 00:51:22.760
yeah, that's really complicated,

1080
00:51:22.760 --> 00:51:25.740
I don't know if I wanna be involved with that.

1081
00:51:25.740 --> 00:51:27.360
This is where you're gonna share

1082
00:51:27.360 --> 00:51:29.080
any kind of medical condition you have,

1083
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:31.200
including sexually transmitted diseases.

1084
00:51:31.200 --> 00:51:33.640
This is where you're gonna share this.

1085
00:51:33.640 --> 00:51:35.000
You don't wanna go, this is where

1086
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:36.500
they like you pretty good.

1087
00:51:36.500 --> 00:51:38.340
You've been dating for a while now.

1088
00:51:38.340 --> 00:51:42.720
You've been dating for maybe 30 to 60 days.

1089
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:44.560
You're to the place where someone's gonna start

1090
00:51:44.560 --> 00:51:47.480
defining the relationship, calling boyfriend, girlfriend.

1091
00:51:47.480 --> 00:51:49.120
This is where that's gonna happen.

1092
00:51:49.120 --> 00:51:51.720
You wanna make sure that you let this person know

1093
00:51:51.720 --> 00:51:54.100
anything in your life that would cause them

1094
00:51:54.100 --> 00:51:57.620
to possibly be like, yeah, I don't know if I'm up for that.

1095
00:51:58.540 --> 00:52:00.160
And a lot of people have a lot of things

1096
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:01.620
going on in their lives.

1097
00:52:01.620 --> 00:52:02.820
Now, does it mean that that's gonna be

1098
00:52:02.820 --> 00:52:04.060
a deal breaker for them?

1099
00:52:04.060 --> 00:52:05.700
No, you're like, well, Jackie,

1100
00:52:05.700 --> 00:52:07.580
why wouldn't I tell them that right from the beginning

1101
00:52:07.580 --> 00:52:08.940
so that I don't have to even,

1102
00:52:08.940 --> 00:52:11.700
because they don't know you yet.

1103
00:52:13.080 --> 00:52:15.060
A stranger sitting down with you at coffee

1104
00:52:15.060 --> 00:52:16.660
and spilling their guts about all the things

1105
00:52:16.660 --> 00:52:17.900
that are wrong with their life,

1106
00:52:17.900 --> 00:52:21.380
that's gonna be a downer.

1107
00:52:21.380 --> 00:52:23.500
That's gonna be a buzzkill, okay?

1108
00:52:23.540 --> 00:52:25.940
Let them actually start getting to know you,

1109
00:52:25.940 --> 00:52:28.500
getting to know your character before you tell them

1110
00:52:28.500 --> 00:52:31.260
that you were in juvie when you were 17 years old,

1111
00:52:31.260 --> 00:52:34.220
but your file is sealed now.

1112
00:52:34.220 --> 00:52:35.500
What?

1113
00:52:35.500 --> 00:52:36.340
No.

1114
00:52:37.260 --> 00:52:38.740
Do not tell them.

1115
00:52:38.740 --> 00:52:41.020
Don't tell them that you have a juvenile record

1116
00:52:41.020 --> 00:52:42.900
that's been sealed.

1117
00:52:42.900 --> 00:52:44.840
Don't, why would you do that?

1118
00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:47.300
Just let them get to know the adult version of you

1119
00:52:47.300 --> 00:52:50.260
before you tell them something like that, okay?

1120
00:52:50.260 --> 00:52:52.340
It's important that you let them get to know you

1121
00:52:52.340 --> 00:52:53.800
before you do that, okay?

1122
00:52:53.800 --> 00:52:57.020
So that's kind of, and then of course, the 60 to 90 day,

1123
00:52:57.020 --> 00:52:59.620
that's when you guys have defined the relationship.

1124
00:52:59.620 --> 00:53:00.940
You're together by choice.

1125
00:53:00.940 --> 00:53:02.260
You have curiosity, you have clarity,

1126
00:53:02.260 --> 00:53:03.500
and now it's by choice.

1127
00:53:03.500 --> 00:53:04.540
You've chosen each other.

1128
00:53:04.540 --> 00:53:07.300
It's been a yes until it's a no, and it's still a yes.

1129
00:53:07.300 --> 00:53:12.260
And now you have, you're going forward into,

1130
00:53:12.260 --> 00:53:15.420
you guys do not date someone for longer than 90 days.

1131
00:53:16.500 --> 00:53:17.380
Undefined.

1132
00:53:19.140 --> 00:53:21.460
Do not be with someone for longer than three months

1133
00:53:21.460 --> 00:53:25.300
without them being, yeah, I wanna be with you.

1134
00:53:25.300 --> 00:53:28.140
Yeah, we're gonna make, we're gonna go forward together.

1135
00:53:28.140 --> 00:53:30.140
We're going to label this thing.

1136
00:53:30.140 --> 00:53:31.580
Do not do it.

1137
00:53:31.580 --> 00:53:32.820
Okay.

1138
00:53:32.820 --> 00:53:34.340
All right.

1139
00:53:34.340 --> 00:53:36.060
All right, you guys.

1140
00:53:36.060 --> 00:53:38.500
I wanna get some questions and it's already eight o'clock.

1141
00:53:38.500 --> 00:53:39.340
Darn it.

1142
00:53:39.340 --> 00:53:40.160
There's a couple of things

1143
00:53:40.160 --> 00:53:41.700
that I wanna make sure that I do.

1144
00:53:44.660 --> 00:53:45.500
All right.

1145
00:53:45.500 --> 00:53:50.500
I was gonna do another match, another breakout for you guys,

1146
00:53:52.220 --> 00:53:53.420
but I don't think I'm gonna do that

1147
00:53:53.420 --> 00:53:54.660
because I really wanna make sure

1148
00:53:54.660 --> 00:53:56.820
that you guys get your questions answered.

1149
00:53:56.820 --> 00:53:58.620
This book club's been a little bit different

1150
00:53:58.620 --> 00:54:00.300
than the other two before it,

1151
00:54:00.300 --> 00:54:03.140
as far as when I taught what.

1152
00:54:03.140 --> 00:54:03.980
Okay.

1153
00:54:03.980 --> 00:54:08.240
All right, so let's do some Q and A.

1154
00:54:12.820 --> 00:54:14.700
Actually, I'm not gonna put you in breakouts for this,

1155
00:54:14.700 --> 00:54:15.980
but normally I would.

1156
00:54:15.980 --> 00:54:16.820
Okay.

1157
00:54:16.820 --> 00:54:19.580
So I want you to put in the chat

1158
00:54:19.580 --> 00:54:23.240
why you think that someone should date you.

1159
00:54:23.240 --> 00:54:24.540
What makes you so great?

1160
00:54:24.540 --> 00:54:26.980
We wanna, normally we'd go in the chat

1161
00:54:26.980 --> 00:54:30.020
and we would like, you know, hear that from each other.

1162
00:54:30.020 --> 00:54:32.480
And it's great because remember friends,

1163
00:54:32.480 --> 00:54:35.340
all of us know someone who deserves love.

1164
00:54:35.340 --> 00:54:37.540
Cause remember this date,

1165
00:54:37.540 --> 00:54:40.580
this book is not just about you finding love.

1166
00:54:40.580 --> 00:54:43.500
This book is about you thinking like a matchmaker

1167
00:54:43.500 --> 00:54:46.060
for yourself and also for others.

1168
00:54:46.060 --> 00:54:47.460
And all of you know someone.

1169
00:54:47.460 --> 00:54:48.420
So let's start with that.

1170
00:54:48.420 --> 00:54:52.120
Put the name of someone that you know that deserves love.

1171
00:54:52.120 --> 00:54:53.140
They're worthy of love.

1172
00:54:53.140 --> 00:54:55.220
Not yourself, somebody else that you know

1173
00:54:55.220 --> 00:54:57.460
that you would love to see married.

1174
00:54:57.460 --> 00:55:00.060
You'd love to see them in a happy relationship.

1175
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.000
Put their name in the chat

1176
00:55:03.540 --> 00:55:05.580
Put their name look at all those names you guys

1177
00:55:08.580 --> 00:55:10.580
Look at all those names

1178
00:55:11.220 --> 00:55:15.660
Brenna and Mark and Jordan and Michelle and Audrea and Isabella

1179
00:55:15.660 --> 00:55:22.780
I do have another book club starting on the 25th. So tell someone about it. Tell them to join her sister Jocelyn. Love it

1180
00:55:23.540 --> 00:55:25.540
Michaela I

1181
00:55:26.420 --> 00:55:28.640
Think I mean star I could be wrong

1182
00:55:28.640 --> 00:55:31.900
But I think Kelly might have met someone unless unless it didn't work out

1183
00:55:31.900 --> 00:55:35.260
I think I think she could have but I agree with you. She does deserve it

1184
00:55:36.260 --> 00:55:38.420
Allison Stacey Colleen

1185
00:55:41.380 --> 00:55:43.380
Yes Hunter

1186
00:55:44.900 --> 00:55:48.880
Yes, I've been talking to her I've been we've been we've been chatting so

1187
00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:50.560
Um

1188
00:55:50.560 --> 00:55:52.840
Star is in my last year single program

1189
00:55:52.840 --> 00:55:59.640
And so is the person that she called out who has been with me for a little while. She's been in a couple

1190
00:56:00.480 --> 00:56:07.640
relationships that looked pretty good look like they might go all the way and they didn't and now she is in another one and

1191
00:56:09.040 --> 00:56:14.660
It looks it looks very promising so excited for her. Okay, so lots and lots of people

1192
00:56:14.660 --> 00:56:20.820
Okay, and I'm sure if I asked you hey, why is this person deserving of love like what's so special about this person?

1193
00:56:20.820 --> 00:56:25.020
What's so amazing you guys we're all worthy of love. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to have it all together

1194
00:56:25.380 --> 00:56:31.640
We're all worthy of love. We all are worthy of love. And so yes, of course, these people are worthy of love

1195
00:56:31.640 --> 00:56:35.200
But if I told you what's special about them, you would definitely be able to tell me

1196
00:56:35.200 --> 00:56:41.100
So now I want you to tell me what's special about you. I want you to put in the chat about why?

1197
00:56:42.020 --> 00:56:48.500
Now is your time why what's special about you? What have you done? What have you worked on? Like, you know, are you kind?

1198
00:56:48.500 --> 00:56:50.900
Are you caring? Are you you know, are you a

1199
00:56:52.220 --> 00:56:58.700
someone who you know needs a partner because you're a foster mom, you know, what do you got you're a giver you're

1200
00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:01.300
You know, what's so special about you?

1201
00:57:01.980 --> 00:57:05.420
What's so great about you? What's worth fighting for about you?

1202
00:57:06.260 --> 00:57:07.340
and

1203
00:57:07.340 --> 00:57:12.300
If it takes you more than two minutes to type this then we got work to do because you should know right off the top

1204
00:57:12.300 --> 00:57:15.220
Of your head. What is so great about you?

1205
00:57:18.900 --> 00:57:21.300
Come on y'all write me a book. Let's go

1206
00:57:37.340 --> 00:57:39.340
You

1207
00:57:52.100 --> 00:57:54.100
So many good things I hope you guys are looking

1208
00:57:55.060 --> 00:57:58.860
This is what we would normally do in a breakout. You would get to brag on yourself

1209
00:57:58.860 --> 00:58:05.260
Sometimes you got to do a little brag on yourself. This is what makes me this is what would make me a great partner

1210
00:58:05.580 --> 00:58:10.140
This is what would this is why someone should want to date me this is why someone should want to marry me

1211
00:58:10.700 --> 00:58:17.220
Ruth said she makes good cookies Ruth. We may need evidence of that. We may need you to prove that to us Ruth

1212
00:58:18.300 --> 00:58:20.300
just saying I

1213
00:58:20.420 --> 00:58:26.380
Like some butter pecan cookies with some chocolate chips in them. So if you want to make me some all right

1214
00:58:29.820 --> 00:58:33.960
Love adventure kind-hearted have good sense of humor's have great work ethic

1215
00:58:35.260 --> 00:58:39.700
woman's women of noble character kind great listener loves to laugh

1216
00:58:42.900 --> 00:58:50.580
So, you know Laurie men love women that smile ladies men love women who are happy that are full of joy that smile that

1217
00:58:50.580 --> 00:58:52.580
Know how to have fun

1218
00:58:54.300 --> 00:58:58.620
You don't want to be a rigid and frigid woman, all right for sure

1219
00:58:59.620 --> 00:59:03.460
Hunter can cook his own food a man who can cook his own food. I love that

1220
00:59:05.340 --> 00:59:07.340
Okay, you guys these are all really great

1221
00:59:08.340 --> 00:59:12.740
These are all really great things and I want you to remember this when you are out there

1222
00:59:12.740 --> 00:59:16.700
Okay in these dating streets you get on the app you go to a singles event

1223
00:59:17.220 --> 00:59:19.700
We had a woman in the dating

1224
00:59:20.540 --> 00:59:26.380
The book club say that she doesn't want to go to singles events because that feels desperate you guys it's not a singles event

1225
00:59:26.380 --> 00:59:34.060
These are events that have been specifically designed for you to meet other people and some of them stink

1226
00:59:34.060 --> 00:59:36.780
It is true. And some of them are great

1227
00:59:37.780 --> 00:59:44.700
So get out there meet people but remember when you're meeting people remember what you wrote here

1228
00:59:46.940 --> 00:59:52.380
In fact, if you want to screenshot what you wrote here if you want to read what you wrote here

1229
00:59:52.480 --> 00:59:58.240
In fact if you want to screenshot what you wrote here if you want to write it down in your journal if you want to

1230
00:59:58.240 --> 01:00:00.240
Put it on a post-it and put it on your bathroom

1231
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.340
Mirror and before you go on a date or before you swipe on the app or before you go to a singles event or before

1232
01:00:05.340 --> 01:00:10.620
You go anywhere. You're just reminding yourself. You know what? I'm generous. I'm loving I'm caring

1233
01:00:10.620 --> 01:00:14.620
I would make a great partner. I would make a great husband. I would make a great wife

1234
01:00:15.380 --> 01:00:22.020
Man, I can cook not a lot of men can cook. You know, I'll cook for my woman. You know, I'll care for her. I

1235
01:00:23.340 --> 01:00:27.620
Have empathy I'm vulnerable. I know how to share my feelings

1236
01:00:27.620 --> 01:00:31.380
I know how to repair after arguments. I'm

1237
01:00:32.220 --> 01:00:36.540
Faithful, I'm loving I'm kind I'm committed you guys. These are beautiful and amazing things

1238
01:00:37.780 --> 01:00:40.300
And I want you to remind yourself of them. Okay, I

1239
01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:46.900
Remember a client right now, I don't know why I'm telling this story

1240
01:00:46.900 --> 01:00:49.380
But it's for one of you or someone that's listening on replay

1241
01:00:49.380 --> 01:00:54.040
I had this client and when she came to coach with me

1242
01:00:54.760 --> 01:01:00.520
She I do it I do like an audit of your schedule like of your calendar because I want to make sure that you have

1243
01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:05.120
Room for a relationship. That's one of the things I do with my private clients do an audit

1244
01:01:05.120 --> 01:01:09.400
And I am gonna be doing that group coaching so you guys I will be doing that audit in there as well

1245
01:01:09.400 --> 01:01:14.460
And so if you are into that and you want to do group coaching make sure you email because I know that that is filling

1246
01:01:14.460 --> 01:01:18.460
Up, it's just gonna be with me. So it's gonna be kind of like this, but it'll be a lot less people

1247
01:01:18.460 --> 01:01:20.120
There's 54 people in there

1248
01:01:20.120 --> 01:01:23.880
And so it's gonna be a small small group of people that I'm gonna be giving

1249
01:01:24.600 --> 01:01:30.000
Input to and there's you know, there you fill out a questionnaire you get a one-on-one call with me all kinds of things

1250
01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:35.800
We map out, you know your 90-day dating strategy. We do all the things together. Okay, so

1251
01:01:36.960 --> 01:01:43.160
This woman came and we audited her calendar and we realized when we audited her calendar that she

1252
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:46.240
Did the same thing every day and it was just three things

1253
01:01:46.240 --> 01:01:49.460
She was really into fitness. And so what she did is she went to work

1254
01:01:50.120 --> 01:01:52.120
nine to five and

1255
01:01:52.480 --> 01:01:58.240
After work, she went to the gym same gym same time at four or five days a week

1256
01:01:58.240 --> 01:02:01.160
And then she went home y'all she didn't go anywhere else

1257
01:02:02.760 --> 01:02:06.520
She might stop at the grocery every once in a while, you know same grocery

1258
01:02:06.520 --> 01:02:07.120
You know

1259
01:02:07.120 --> 01:02:12.640
Maybe once a week and then she went to church and the church that she went to did not have any single men in her

1260
01:02:12.640 --> 01:02:14.640
Age group it was a very very small church

1261
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:20.240
And so she did the same five things every week day in day out day in day out day in day out

1262
01:02:20.920 --> 01:02:27.920
And guess what? She was single and she was 48 years old and she had never been married

1263
01:02:28.640 --> 01:02:29.640
and

1264
01:02:29.640 --> 01:02:34.280
I was like look you can't do this. You got to go to a different gym

1265
01:02:34.280 --> 01:02:37.440
You got to go at a different time. You got to get out of your comfort zone. So no, no, no

1266
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:39.760
No, I'm not doing all that. Well, then you're not getting married

1267
01:02:39.960 --> 01:02:41.960
She was believing

1268
01:02:42.160 --> 01:02:47.200
Something that you all might be believing and you would have put it in your little thing that I did at the beginning of this

1269
01:02:47.200 --> 01:02:48.720
book club tonight

1270
01:02:48.720 --> 01:02:50.960
When I came in five weeks ago, I believed blank

1271
01:02:50.960 --> 01:02:56.280
She believed that she didn't have to change anything and that she could still find love

1272
01:02:57.600 --> 01:03:01.520
She didn't have to change her schedule. She'd have to do anything different. That's what she believed

1273
01:03:02.280 --> 01:03:05.400
But guess what? I got her to change some things and she's married now

1274
01:03:05.400 --> 01:03:08.200
She's married now. All right. Okay, so

1275
01:03:10.640 --> 01:03:14.720
Why did I say that I said that because it's really important for you to understand

1276
01:03:15.640 --> 01:03:17.640
That you're amazing and wonderful

1277
01:03:18.520 --> 01:03:22.400
But that doesn't matter if nobody meets you and nobody knows you

1278
01:03:25.360 --> 01:03:31.160
I want to see in the chat and I want you guys to be honest. How many of you do not get out enough?

1279
01:03:31.680 --> 01:03:33.680
You know it

1280
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:35.880
You know it I

1281
01:03:35.880 --> 01:03:40.400
Know it put it in the chat. I don't care. What the reason is it for don't explain it away

1282
01:03:40.400 --> 01:03:43.560
Don't say well, I can't cuz I'm a single mom. I'm this I don't care

1283
01:03:43.560 --> 01:03:48.200
I just want to see how many of you can be honest and say yeah, you know what?

1284
01:03:48.200 --> 01:03:53.320
I don't have adult time very often. I don't go out. I don't meet new people. I

1285
01:03:54.040 --> 01:03:59.240
Do the same thing over and over again just like your client Jackie your client could literally be me

1286
01:04:01.040 --> 01:04:03.040
Come on let's see it

1287
01:04:04.280 --> 01:04:06.280
I

1288
01:04:08.960 --> 01:04:11.320
Only like 20 of you well 21

1289
01:04:18.480 --> 01:04:20.480
Keep going

1290
01:04:23.440 --> 01:04:29.040
Now when I say get out I mean get out various places not to the same place like her she was getting out

1291
01:04:29.200 --> 01:04:33.080
She was going to work. She was going to the grocery. She was going to the gym. She's going to church

1292
01:04:33.080 --> 01:04:37.480
She's going home. I don't mean that I mean getting out

1293
01:04:38.280 --> 01:04:40.280
Getting out there, okay?

1294
01:04:43.160 --> 01:04:46.280
You guys there is a little part in the book I'm not gonna go over it today

1295
01:04:47.440 --> 01:04:49.200
We can do this

1296
01:04:49.200 --> 01:04:53.240
We we do this in last year single also my one-on-one coaching

1297
01:04:53.840 --> 01:04:56.460
How to flirt how to approach people in the wild

1298
01:04:57.120 --> 01:05:00.040
Gentlemen you have never had a better time than you all have

1299
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.000
have in 2026 to approach women in public, in the wild,

1300
01:05:05.200 --> 01:05:07.680
strangers, women that you don't know.

1301
01:05:07.680 --> 01:05:09.720
You have an amazing opportunity.

1302
01:05:09.720 --> 01:05:13.020
Women are complaining men don't approach us anymore.

1303
01:05:13.020 --> 01:05:14.800
There's a few rules that you need to follow,

1304
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:16.440
few boundaries you need to have in place

1305
01:05:16.440 --> 01:05:18.080
to make sure that you don't get called a creep

1306
01:05:18.080 --> 01:05:20.920
or someone doesn't think that you're trying to

1307
01:05:20.920 --> 01:05:22.720
do something you're not trying to do.

1308
01:05:22.720 --> 01:05:25.000
Gotta be wise about it.

1309
01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:28.280
Don't see a woman lock into her car at nighttime in the dark

1310
01:05:28.280 --> 01:05:31.120
and think, hey, this is a great minute for me to go up

1311
01:05:31.120 --> 01:05:33.560
and just start talking to a stranger.

1312
01:05:33.560 --> 01:05:38.560
No, that is not the right moment to do that, okay?

1313
01:05:38.640 --> 01:05:41.960
All right, so, but yes, you can do it.

1314
01:05:41.960 --> 01:05:46.560
You just gotta be really strategic about it, okay?

1315
01:05:46.560 --> 01:05:47.560
All right.

1316
01:05:47.560 --> 01:05:50.960
Okay, so we're gonna talk about becoming the matchmaker

1317
01:05:50.960 --> 01:05:52.920
and also being the matchmaker for others

1318
01:05:52.920 --> 01:05:54.180
because that's how we're gonna end tonight,

1319
01:05:54.180 --> 01:05:55.880
but I just wanna do some Q&A.

1320
01:05:55.880 --> 01:05:58.440
So let's go ahead and do some Q&A.

1321
01:05:58.440 --> 01:05:59.720
Raise your hand.

1322
01:05:59.720 --> 01:06:01.760
You have to be able to ask the question

1323
01:06:01.760 --> 01:06:04.000
in less than 30 seconds.

1324
01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:06.720
I can't have 20 minutes of backstory

1325
01:06:06.720 --> 01:06:07.800
because then a lot of people

1326
01:06:07.800 --> 01:06:09.760
are not gonna be able to ask questions.

1327
01:06:10.700 --> 01:06:12.760
If you prefer to put your question in the chat,

1328
01:06:12.760 --> 01:06:13.800
you can do that as well,

1329
01:06:13.800 --> 01:06:17.320
but if you think you can, tell me the question

1330
01:06:17.320 --> 01:06:19.580
in 30 seconds or less, you can raise your hand.

1331
01:06:19.580 --> 01:06:20.420
Go ahead.

1332
01:06:26.880 --> 01:06:29.640
All right, Rachel, go ahead.

1333
01:06:29.640 --> 01:06:30.760
What's your question?

1334
01:06:30.760 --> 01:06:35.400
So on a first date, how do you try to get somebody

1335
01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:38.600
to know you and share enough about yourself

1336
01:06:38.600 --> 01:06:40.600
without sharing too much?

1337
01:06:40.600 --> 01:06:42.080
Like where's the balance there?

1338
01:06:42.080 --> 01:06:44.400
Because you don't wanna word vomit,

1339
01:06:44.400 --> 01:06:46.760
but then you also wanna be known.

1340
01:06:46.760 --> 01:06:49.640
Right, so remember, the first 30 days,

1341
01:06:49.640 --> 01:06:51.440
and especially the first date, you guys,

1342
01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:53.560
is about curiosity, it's about fun,

1343
01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:55.280
it's about observing that person,

1344
01:06:55.280 --> 01:06:57.680
seeing if you even really like their vibe.

1345
01:06:57.680 --> 01:07:01.000
It isn't really about trying to get to know them deeply.

1346
01:07:01.000 --> 01:07:03.000
You don't need to have to get to know someone deeply

1347
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:03.840
on the first date.

1348
01:07:03.840 --> 01:07:06.080
The only thing you need to walk away from,

1349
01:07:06.080 --> 01:07:07.800
walk away with on the first date,

1350
01:07:07.800 --> 01:07:10.040
is whether or not you wanna see them again.

1351
01:07:11.120 --> 01:07:15.040
So creating curiosity is really what you wanna do.

1352
01:07:15.040 --> 01:07:17.760
Instead of sharing too much, you wanna create curiosity.

1353
01:07:17.760 --> 01:07:21.040
And that's why I'm not a big fan of the coffee date

1354
01:07:21.400 --> 01:07:22.480
for a first date.

1355
01:07:22.480 --> 01:07:24.880
I do like the coffee date, don't get me wrong,

1356
01:07:24.880 --> 01:07:27.080
but I think it should be like a third or fourth date.

1357
01:07:27.080 --> 01:07:30.160
For the very first date, I like an activity.

1358
01:07:30.160 --> 01:07:31.400
I like an activity.

1359
01:07:31.400 --> 01:07:33.760
I like a putt-putt golf, I like a bowling,

1360
01:07:33.760 --> 01:07:35.280
I like something like that,

1361
01:07:35.280 --> 01:07:37.560
something where you're gonna be having fun.

1362
01:07:37.560 --> 01:07:39.360
Yeah, you're gonna talk a little bit,

1363
01:07:39.360 --> 01:07:42.840
but you're mostly going to just be kind of vibing.

1364
01:07:42.840 --> 01:07:44.080
You know what I'm saying?

1365
01:07:44.080 --> 01:07:45.560
Because that's important.

1366
01:07:45.560 --> 01:07:47.520
You need to know that you really like

1367
01:07:47.520 --> 01:07:49.040
this person's personality.

1368
01:07:49.320 --> 01:07:51.520
You don't need to hear about where this person grew up

1369
01:07:51.520 --> 01:07:55.320
and when their grandpa died and what they're doing at work.

1370
01:07:55.320 --> 01:07:58.000
You don't need to hear all that on the first date.

1371
01:07:58.000 --> 01:07:59.720
I do like the coffee date.

1372
01:07:59.720 --> 01:08:02.960
I do not like it for the first date.

1373
01:08:02.960 --> 01:08:06.040
So try to do something active, try to do an activity,

1374
01:08:06.040 --> 01:08:07.840
something that requires money.

1375
01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:10.040
Ladies, I like the walk date,

1376
01:08:10.040 --> 01:08:12.800
but I don't like it for date number one either

1377
01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:15.280
because I want the man to spend some money.

1378
01:08:15.320 --> 01:08:19.760
Gentlemen, sorry, I want you to spend some money, okay?

1379
01:08:19.760 --> 01:08:22.240
Ladies, do not take dates from men

1380
01:08:22.240 --> 01:08:23.760
that you're not interested in.

1381
01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:28.040
If you get to a date and for some reason

1382
01:08:28.040 --> 01:08:31.800
that man is completely not what you expected him to be,

1383
01:08:31.800 --> 01:08:35.520
maybe his pictures on his dating app were from 20 years ago.

1384
01:08:35.520 --> 01:08:37.560
You know, he's not at all what you were expecting.

1385
01:08:37.560 --> 01:08:40.720
You know that there's not a snowball's chance in hell

1386
01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:43.040
that you are going to be interested in him.

1387
01:08:43.080 --> 01:08:44.399
There's not a snowball's chance in hell

1388
01:08:44.399 --> 01:08:47.520
that you are going to be going forward romantically

1389
01:08:47.520 --> 01:08:50.560
with this person, regardless of how nice they are.

1390
01:08:50.560 --> 01:08:54.520
It is okay for you to pay your own way.

1391
01:08:56.800 --> 01:08:58.859
He may not let you and that's fine,

1392
01:08:58.859 --> 01:09:00.160
but you need to tell him up front

1393
01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:02.180
that you don't see anything romantic happening

1394
01:09:02.180 --> 01:09:06.220
because we're not here for a free lunch, ladies, okay?

1395
01:09:07.439 --> 01:09:10.479
But I do want the first date,

1396
01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:15.479
especially if it has any kind of potential, to cost money.

1397
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:17.760
Because if he does not have enough money

1398
01:09:17.760 --> 01:09:19.720
to take you bowling, take you putt-putt golfing,

1399
01:09:19.720 --> 01:09:21.840
take you to Topgolf, take you wherever,

1400
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:24.600
then he has no business dating, he can't afford a wife.

1401
01:09:25.760 --> 01:09:27.200
If he doesn't have any money for a date,

1402
01:09:27.200 --> 01:09:28.800
then he can't afford a wife.

1403
01:09:28.800 --> 01:09:30.520
Because wives are expensive.

1404
01:09:30.520 --> 01:09:32.520
I don't care if you have your own money.

1405
01:09:34.800 --> 01:09:39.800
Women are not cheap.

1406
01:09:39.840 --> 01:09:42.760
And we want to know that a man is willing

1407
01:09:42.760 --> 01:09:46.840
to take us out and treat us well.

1408
01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:49.880
Now, ladies, I don't like an expensive steak restaurant

1409
01:09:49.880 --> 01:09:51.040
for a first date.

1410
01:09:52.200 --> 01:09:55.440
That's just, that's hypergamous, ladies.

1411
01:09:55.440 --> 01:09:58.280
That's a fancy word for being a gold digger, okay?

1412
01:09:58.280 --> 01:09:59.420
Don't do that.

1413
01:09:59.420 --> 01:10:00.520
You don't need to go.

1414
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.400
Go fancy steak restaurant.

1415
01:10:01.400 --> 01:10:02.640
You know that there's ladies out here

1416
01:10:02.640 --> 01:10:04.320
that are actually turning men down

1417
01:10:04.320 --> 01:10:06.220
because they don't like where they're taking them

1418
01:10:06.220 --> 01:10:07.240
on the first date.

1419
01:10:07.240 --> 01:10:09.780
They want it to be bougier.

1420
01:10:11.520 --> 01:10:13.280
Gentlemen, stay away from women like that.

1421
01:10:13.280 --> 01:10:16.520
In fact, that is a massive red flag.

1422
01:10:16.520 --> 01:10:18.400
If you say, hey, I'd like to take you to dinner

1423
01:10:18.400 --> 01:10:21.840
and she suggests something that's super expensive.

1424
01:10:21.840 --> 01:10:23.040
That's her suggestion.

1425
01:10:23.040 --> 01:10:24.140
Thank you, next.

1426
01:10:27.580 --> 01:10:28.660
Thank you, next.

1427
01:10:29.660 --> 01:10:33.120
Not taking you to a Michelin restaurant on date one.

1428
01:10:33.120 --> 01:10:33.960
Get out of here.

1429
01:10:37.360 --> 01:10:39.200
Let's do an activity.

1430
01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:41.200
Let's not do something overly romantic

1431
01:10:41.200 --> 01:10:43.080
like candlelit dinner.

1432
01:10:44.080 --> 01:10:45.920
Now there are some old fashioned guys that,

1433
01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:48.680
hey, if you've been talking to this woman for a while,

1434
01:10:48.680 --> 01:10:50.360
you know, you've been chatting with her,

1435
01:10:50.360 --> 01:10:51.600
you've been FaceTiming with her,

1436
01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:54.400
maybe the first date has been delayed for some reason

1437
01:10:54.400 --> 01:10:56.080
and you're really vibing with her

1438
01:10:56.080 --> 01:10:57.840
and you want to bring her flowers,

1439
01:10:57.900 --> 01:10:58.820
you do it.

1440
01:10:59.660 --> 01:11:00.940
What's the worst that's gonna happen?

1441
01:11:00.940 --> 01:11:02.140
That's not, I like it.

1442
01:11:02.140 --> 01:11:03.220
I love chivalry.

1443
01:11:03.220 --> 01:11:06.260
Any other ladies, help the gentlemen out in this group.

1444
01:11:06.260 --> 01:11:08.660
Raise your hair, put your hand in the chat,

1445
01:11:08.660 --> 01:11:11.820
put up a little hand or say me if you love chivalry.

1446
01:11:11.820 --> 01:11:15.340
Men that open doors, men that buy flowers,

1447
01:11:15.340 --> 01:11:17.820
men that take you,

1448
01:11:17.820 --> 01:11:21.020
men that even if the date isn't really well planned,

1449
01:11:21.020 --> 01:11:22.340
he at least tried.

1450
01:11:22.340 --> 01:11:25.580
He at least tried to do something to

1451
01:11:28.300 --> 01:11:30.380
show you that he's intentional.

1452
01:11:35.540 --> 01:11:38.020
Okay, so the first date has to cost money.

1453
01:11:39.140 --> 01:11:42.140
If a man's like, hey, meet me for a walk.

1454
01:11:42.140 --> 01:11:42.980
No.

1455
01:11:43.980 --> 01:11:45.980
We don't do walks for first dates.

1456
01:11:47.660 --> 01:11:51.500
If you get to the coffee shop because he insists on coffee

1457
01:11:51.500 --> 01:11:53.480
and he's already purchased his coffee

1458
01:11:53.480 --> 01:11:55.500
and he is sitting at the table

1459
01:11:55.680 --> 01:11:58.160
and you have to go up and purchase your coffee

1460
01:11:58.160 --> 01:12:00.160
because he got there early on purpose,

1461
01:12:00.160 --> 01:12:02.880
he bought his own coffee and he sat down,

1462
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:04.340
there's no second date there.

1463
01:12:06.120 --> 01:12:07.160
That man is telling you,

1464
01:12:07.160 --> 01:12:10.360
I'm not even gonna buy you a cup of coffee.

1465
01:12:10.360 --> 01:12:12.220
Okay, Star, what's your question?

1466
01:12:16.360 --> 01:12:17.640
Holly said that happened to her.

1467
01:12:17.640 --> 01:12:20.980
Holly, it actually happens really often, so.

1468
01:12:22.120 --> 01:12:23.840
Sorry, I was trying to unmute.

1469
01:12:23.840 --> 01:12:25.060
So my question is,

1470
01:12:25.060 --> 01:12:27.620
you had said about having committed times

1471
01:12:27.620 --> 01:12:29.140
for the dating apps.

1472
01:12:29.140 --> 01:12:31.460
I have found when I get on dating apps,

1473
01:12:31.460 --> 01:12:33.560
I'm very clear, I'm very brief,

1474
01:12:33.560 --> 01:12:35.620
but I do put out there what I'm looking for

1475
01:12:35.620 --> 01:12:38.620
and I still get inundated with,

1476
01:12:38.620 --> 01:12:43.620
I'm not like playing like way too many responses

1477
01:12:43.740 --> 01:12:45.340
of messages like that.

1478
01:12:45.340 --> 01:12:47.420
I'm gonna obviously swipe no,

1479
01:12:47.420 --> 01:12:50.060
but it's literally feels like exhausting

1480
01:12:50.060 --> 01:12:52.240
and work just sifting through

1481
01:12:52.240 --> 01:12:54.520
to find a couple of good ones.

1482
01:12:54.520 --> 01:12:58.400
Okay, so I want you then to go on apps

1483
01:12:58.400 --> 01:13:00.560
where the woman has to go first.

1484
01:13:00.560 --> 01:13:03.320
I want you to go on apps where people can't match with you

1485
01:13:03.320 --> 01:13:04.580
unless you match with them.

1486
01:13:04.580 --> 01:13:07.480
So like Bumble, you need to go on apps

1487
01:13:07.480 --> 01:13:10.440
where they can't inundate you with messages.

1488
01:13:10.440 --> 01:13:13.480
You're going to a place, you're swiping intentionally

1489
01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:15.880
and then if they matched with you, yes,

1490
01:13:15.880 --> 01:13:18.320
but you already know that you wanna talk to that person

1491
01:13:18.420 --> 01:13:21.780
and do not swipe yes on more than three or four guys

1492
01:13:21.780 --> 01:13:22.620
at a time.

1493
01:13:22.620 --> 01:13:24.940
If none of them match with you, fine,

1494
01:13:24.940 --> 01:13:28.440
to give it a minute and then swipe on some more.

1495
01:13:28.440 --> 01:13:30.420
Yeah, cause that's what makes me just hate dating.

1496
01:13:30.420 --> 01:13:32.220
I'm like, it's too much.

1497
01:13:32.220 --> 01:13:36.060
Stay off the apps where people can just contact you

1498
01:13:36.060 --> 01:13:39.000
or they can pay extra to like contact people

1499
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:40.700
that haven't contacted them first.

1500
01:13:40.700 --> 01:13:42.120
Stay away from those apps.

1501
01:13:43.120 --> 01:13:45.900
I mean, cause you are, you're a very good looking woman.

1502
01:13:45.900 --> 01:13:46.980
And so of course, you know,

1503
01:13:46.980 --> 01:13:48.940
you're conventionally good looking.

1504
01:13:48.940 --> 01:13:52.460
And so women, men, gentlemen, and women

1505
01:13:52.460 --> 01:13:53.580
that are conventionally good looking,

1506
01:13:53.580 --> 01:13:54.780
you're like, Jackie, what do you mean by that?

1507
01:13:54.780 --> 01:13:57.140
I mean that I think everyone's beautiful.

1508
01:13:57.140 --> 01:13:59.700
You know, I mean, I ain't met an ugly person yet.

1509
01:13:59.700 --> 01:14:00.940
I think everyone's beautiful.

1510
01:14:00.940 --> 01:14:02.540
Everybody has something about them

1511
01:14:02.540 --> 01:14:04.860
that is just alluring and endearing.

1512
01:14:04.860 --> 01:14:05.700
I love that.

1513
01:14:05.700 --> 01:14:07.060
But when we're on dating apps,

1514
01:14:07.060 --> 01:14:10.700
all we're seeing is a picture that's not a picture.

1515
01:14:10.700 --> 01:14:12.120
It's a picture.

1516
01:14:12.120 --> 01:14:14.040
That's it, unfortunately.

1517
01:14:14.040 --> 01:14:16.520
And so people that's faces are symmetrical,

1518
01:14:16.520 --> 01:14:19.040
like symmetry is conventional good looks

1519
01:14:19.040 --> 01:14:21.600
and it changes from decade to decade.

1520
01:14:21.600 --> 01:14:23.400
I don't even know what it is in 2026

1521
01:14:23.400 --> 01:14:26.440
cause we got all this crazy weird stuff going on out here.

1522
01:14:26.440 --> 01:14:28.460
But people that are conventionally good looking

1523
01:14:28.460 --> 01:14:30.840
might get swiped on more on a dating app,

1524
01:14:30.840 --> 01:14:32.480
but that's okay, it doesn't matter.

1525
01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:34.040
Because remember, we also believe

1526
01:14:34.040 --> 01:14:36.440
that there's a supernatural element to this.

1527
01:14:36.440 --> 01:14:39.340
We do our part and God does his part, right?

1528
01:14:39.340 --> 01:14:40.760
We do believe that, don't we?

1529
01:14:40.760 --> 01:14:43.080
I hope you do because it's true and it's real.

1530
01:14:43.080 --> 01:14:45.480
And that's why I call it spirit mates and not soulmates.

1531
01:14:45.480 --> 01:14:48.440
And so Star, stay off the apps where people can just,

1532
01:14:48.440 --> 01:14:51.280
you know, pay extra to get more likes

1533
01:14:51.280 --> 01:14:53.120
and get more swipes or whatever

1534
01:14:53.120 --> 01:14:55.840
and go to the places where women have to go first.

1535
01:14:55.840 --> 01:14:58.280
I think Bumble is definitely one of them.

1536
01:14:58.280 --> 01:14:59.480
Okay, I've never tried that.

1537
01:14:59.480 --> 01:15:00.320
I've only really.

1538
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.640
done Facebook dating, but I definitely agree.

1539
01:15:02.640 --> 01:15:04.280
I actually personally think it's harder

1540
01:15:04.280 --> 01:15:05.760
when people just look at your picture

1541
01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:07.760
and don't read your words at all,

1542
01:15:07.760 --> 01:15:10.620
because it's just way more hectic.

1543
01:15:10.620 --> 01:15:12.000
It is way more hectic.

1544
01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:14.560
So Bumble, the girl has to go first.

1545
01:15:14.560 --> 01:15:16.220
So that will be a good one for you.

1546
01:15:16.220 --> 01:15:17.180
Candace, you're up.

1547
01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:21.120
Someone had a really great question

1548
01:15:21.120 --> 01:15:23.400
about the free consumer- Hey, Candace.

1549
01:15:23.400 --> 01:15:24.240
Going out.

1550
01:15:24.240 --> 01:15:25.060
Yes.

1551
01:15:25.060 --> 01:15:26.000
Hey, I just wanna let you know

1552
01:15:26.000 --> 01:15:27.920
that your Zoom says Dallas, Texas,

1553
01:15:27.920 --> 01:15:29.040
and you live in Austin, so-

1554
01:15:29.040 --> 01:15:31.200
I haven't figured out how to update it.

1555
01:15:31.200 --> 01:15:32.040
Oh, okay.

1556
01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:34.360
Well, if any gentlemen would be on here,

1557
01:15:34.360 --> 01:15:36.040
they'd be interested in talking to Candace.

1558
01:15:36.040 --> 01:15:37.520
She lives in Austin, not Dallas.

1559
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:39.520
Okay, go ahead, Candace.

1560
01:15:39.520 --> 01:15:41.440
I'll have to figure out how to fix that.

1561
01:15:41.440 --> 01:15:42.280
Okay.

1562
01:15:42.280 --> 01:15:43.200
Yeah, someone asked a great question

1563
01:15:43.200 --> 01:15:45.200
about the frequency we should be going out.

1564
01:15:45.200 --> 01:15:46.820
You know, I'm going out as much as I can,

1565
01:15:46.820 --> 01:15:49.360
but what is the frequency we should be going

1566
01:15:49.360 --> 01:15:51.600
and the variety we should be looking for?

1567
01:15:51.600 --> 01:15:53.880
In my opinion, it's always gonna be

1568
01:15:53.880 --> 01:15:56.840
the litmus test for how often is joy.

1569
01:15:56.840 --> 01:15:58.920
If I've lost joy in the process,

1570
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:00.600
then I need to dial it back.

1571
01:16:00.600 --> 01:16:02.800
You guys, we wanna enjoy this.

1572
01:16:02.800 --> 01:16:05.380
We wanna enjoy this era of our lives.

1573
01:16:05.380 --> 01:16:07.920
If it's grueling, if you're the disgruntled dater

1574
01:16:07.920 --> 01:16:10.140
that I write about in the book,

1575
01:16:10.140 --> 01:16:13.760
then you're not with a matchmaker mindset.

1576
01:16:13.760 --> 01:16:15.800
You're tired, you're burnt out.

1577
01:16:15.800 --> 01:16:17.020
Give it a break.

1578
01:16:17.020 --> 01:16:18.260
Pull it back.

1579
01:16:18.260 --> 01:16:19.100
Do something else.

1580
01:16:19.100 --> 01:16:22.840
Do something you enjoy with your life besides dating, okay?

1581
01:16:22.840 --> 01:16:27.760
So as long as you have joy with your capacity, Candace,

1582
01:16:27.800 --> 01:16:29.660
so whatever the capacity is,

1583
01:16:29.660 --> 01:16:31.920
you'll know that you've run out of capacity

1584
01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:33.340
when you stop having joy.

1585
01:16:34.560 --> 01:16:35.400
Okay, that's good.

1586
01:16:35.400 --> 01:16:37.160
Yeah, I was kind of talking about socially,

1587
01:16:37.160 --> 01:16:38.760
but no, that's a really good way to look at it.

1588
01:16:38.760 --> 01:16:41.760
Like, is this even going socially can burn you out too much

1589
01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:42.960
if you go too much, so.

1590
01:16:42.960 --> 01:16:44.440
Totally, it's like, do I love it?

1591
01:16:44.440 --> 01:16:45.280
Do I love it?

1592
01:16:45.280 --> 01:16:47.280
Am I meeting quality people?

1593
01:16:47.280 --> 01:16:49.600
Am I having fun?

1594
01:16:49.600 --> 01:16:51.260
Am I having fun?

1595
01:16:52.640 --> 01:16:54.880
I know it's a cliche, ladies especially.

1596
01:16:54.880 --> 01:16:57.600
I know it's a cliche and I know we hate cliches,

1597
01:16:58.440 --> 01:16:59.800
but I will tell you, I've interviewed lots and lots

1598
01:16:59.800 --> 01:17:03.040
and lots and lots of men to be clients of mine.

1599
01:17:03.040 --> 01:17:04.520
I've matched a lot of men.

1600
01:17:04.520 --> 01:17:06.280
I've been the dating coach of a lot of men.

1601
01:17:06.280 --> 01:17:07.960
And I'm gonna tell you right now

1602
01:17:07.960 --> 01:17:11.560
that the old Audrey Hepburn quote that says,

1603
01:17:11.560 --> 01:17:15.440
a pretty girl is a happy girl is 100% true

1604
01:17:15.440 --> 01:17:16.560
when it comes to men.

1605
01:17:17.920 --> 01:17:19.140
When it comes to men.

1606
01:17:21.240 --> 01:17:23.820
Men think you're pretty when you're happy.

1607
01:17:23.820 --> 01:17:27.040
Men want to be with women who are happy.

1608
01:17:27.440 --> 01:17:28.480
Does that mean that you have to always

1609
01:17:28.480 --> 01:17:29.760
be happy in relationship?

1610
01:17:29.760 --> 01:17:31.680
No, there's gonna be times when you're not happy.

1611
01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:33.720
But when you're getting to know people,

1612
01:17:33.720 --> 01:17:35.320
if you're always complaining,

1613
01:17:35.320 --> 01:17:37.060
if you're always upset about something,

1614
01:17:37.060 --> 01:17:40.360
if you're always gossiping or running other people down,

1615
01:17:40.360 --> 01:17:42.800
if you're sarcastic, if you're always frowning.

1616
01:17:42.800 --> 01:17:45.360
And I know when we get older, we get a little jowls,

1617
01:17:45.360 --> 01:17:47.680
a little jowling here and we get a little RBF.

1618
01:17:47.680 --> 01:17:49.160
For a few of those that don't know what that is,

1619
01:17:49.160 --> 01:17:51.400
that's resting biatch face.

1620
01:17:51.400 --> 01:17:54.120
And it just naturally kind of looks like you're unhappy.

1621
01:17:54.120 --> 01:17:57.000
So tell your face to smile, okay?

1622
01:17:57.840 --> 01:17:59.280
I'm not talking about we don't deserve love,

1623
01:17:59.280 --> 01:18:03.040
if we're not smiling, but you don't know these people.

1624
01:18:03.040 --> 01:18:06.400
And so a man is going to be attracted to a feminine heart.

1625
01:18:06.400 --> 01:18:08.920
And a feminine heart is a heart that even when life

1626
01:18:08.920 --> 01:18:11.780
isn't great, it's still a heart filled with joy.

1627
01:18:12.660 --> 01:18:14.360
Please don't think that you're gonna attract a man

1628
01:18:14.360 --> 01:18:19.040
being an Eeyore because that is not gonna happen, okay?

1629
01:18:19.040 --> 01:18:21.160
And if that offends you, I'm sorry.

1630
01:18:21.160 --> 01:18:22.840
Be like, well, why do women have to be happy?

1631
01:18:22.840 --> 01:18:24.640
Why do women have to smile?

1632
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:26.840
Because that's very feminine, not the happiness,

1633
01:18:27.680 --> 01:18:28.520
but the joy part.

1634
01:18:28.520 --> 01:18:31.720
Joy is a feminine, a divine feminine characteristic,

1635
01:18:31.720 --> 01:18:35.160
full of joy, full of playfulness.

1636
01:18:35.160 --> 01:18:37.700
Men fall in love with the girl that still lives

1637
01:18:37.700 --> 01:18:39.320
inside of you.

1638
01:18:39.320 --> 01:18:41.920
Not the jaded old bitter woman that you've become,

1639
01:18:41.920 --> 01:18:44.320
the girl that still lives inside of you.

1640
01:18:44.320 --> 01:18:47.160
So let's do some heart work so you're showing up in joy.

1641
01:18:47.160 --> 01:18:52.120
And gentlemen, women fall in love with the safe provider.

1642
01:18:52.120 --> 01:18:55.720
They fall in love with the man who has the capacity

1643
01:18:55.720 --> 01:18:57.440
to take care of his business.

1644
01:18:57.440 --> 01:18:59.640
And she knows even if she's got her,

1645
01:18:59.640 --> 01:19:01.600
listen, women have their own money.

1646
01:19:01.600 --> 01:19:03.000
We don't want you to pay on the first date

1647
01:19:03.000 --> 01:19:04.120
because we don't have money.

1648
01:19:04.120 --> 01:19:06.120
And ladies, for those of you that are trying to use a man

1649
01:19:06.120 --> 01:19:08.400
as a financial plan, like your financial future,

1650
01:19:08.400 --> 01:19:11.360
your investment future, your retirement plan as a man,

1651
01:19:11.360 --> 01:19:12.920
stop it, that's dumb.

1652
01:19:12.920 --> 01:19:14.000
Do not do that.

1653
01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:15.400
Get out there and make money.

1654
01:19:15.400 --> 01:19:16.840
The majority of women that I work with,

1655
01:19:16.840 --> 01:19:17.960
they do have their own money.

1656
01:19:17.960 --> 01:19:19.360
They're not looking for a man to come

1657
01:19:19.360 --> 01:19:20.840
and save them financially.

1658
01:19:20.840 --> 01:19:22.120
None of that is true.

1659
01:19:22.120 --> 01:19:24.540
But gentlemen, women still want to be with a man

1660
01:19:24.580 --> 01:19:26.900
that has a plan, a man with a plan.

1661
01:19:26.900 --> 01:19:28.740
A man with a plan, it rhymes.

1662
01:19:28.740 --> 01:19:31.140
Put it in your pocket and believe it.

1663
01:19:31.140 --> 01:19:34.580
If you have a plan for yourself, a plan for your life,

1664
01:19:34.580 --> 01:19:37.460
something that a woman can connect herself to,

1665
01:19:37.460 --> 01:19:41.180
something that a woman can believe in for you and with you,

1666
01:19:41.180 --> 01:19:44.060
if you are a man who has his stuff together,

1667
01:19:44.060 --> 01:19:45.740
okay, you don't have to be perfect,

1668
01:19:45.740 --> 01:19:47.860
but a woman needs to feel safe with you.

1669
01:19:47.860 --> 01:19:52.860
She needs to feel like you know what you're doing, okay?

1670
01:19:55.340 --> 01:19:57.340
You know what you're doing.

1671
01:19:57.340 --> 01:19:59.100
And then the other thing that women want to see

1672
01:19:59.100 --> 01:20:00.220
is that you can be.

1673
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.060
Vulnerable with her. You don't got to be vulnerable with anybody else. You got to be vulnerable with her

1674
01:20:04.420 --> 01:20:07.340
She wants to see from the very beginning that you're able to

1675
01:20:08.100 --> 01:20:13.780
Be open and vulnerable. You're able to communicate your needs your wants and your feelings

1676
01:20:13.920 --> 01:20:21.740
Okay, we don't need you to be vulnerable with other people. I don't want people to think that my husband is some sappy sap

1677
01:20:22.460 --> 01:20:26.400
He's vulnerable with me. He talks to me about his deepest heart stuff

1678
01:20:26.400 --> 01:20:30.180
I don't want him talking to some chick at work about his deepest heart stuff

1679
01:20:30.180 --> 01:20:34.040
I don't need him talking to other people. He has men in his life. That's great

1680
01:20:34.120 --> 01:20:40.280
Be open be coachable have men in your life, but we don't need men that are walking around mooning all the time

1681
01:20:40.280 --> 01:20:43.720
That's not what we're looking for. We say emotionally available. We mean with us

1682
01:20:44.920 --> 01:20:46.360
Just so you know

1683
01:20:46.360 --> 01:20:54.360
We're talking about with us. Okay. All right, Jenny. Is it Jeannie Jeannie? It's a Janine. It's Janine. Yeah, Janine

1684
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:58.580
So my question is on the book page

1685
01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:04.440
177 you're talking about the five C's. I couldn't figure out on what page you're

1686
01:21:05.200 --> 01:21:07.200
starting about this five C's

1687
01:21:10.240 --> 01:21:13.440
In the e-book or in the book book in the book book

1688
01:21:14.600 --> 01:21:18.600
Okay, it's like the real talking recap

1689
01:21:24.640 --> 01:21:26.640
Um

1690
01:21:26.680 --> 01:21:29.080
The five C's start on page

1691
01:21:30.760 --> 01:21:35.680
95 thank you. You're welcome. Okay, and Lisa

1692
01:21:38.680 --> 01:21:43.160
Because I have well, I won't explain how does this translate to

1693
01:21:44.040 --> 01:21:47.240
Somebody who maybe you've met like in person, but they live out of state

1694
01:21:47.440 --> 01:21:50.600
so it ends up being long-distance in the short term and

1695
01:21:51.360 --> 01:21:54.560
Obviously, I'm not gonna be able to go hang out with them on like right now

1696
01:21:55.120 --> 01:22:00.880
You guys I wish that I had time to coach you on everything long-distance has a very specific set of boundaries

1697
01:22:01.280 --> 01:22:06.520
You need to know a lot sooner with long-distance. This is where people get into very long drawn-out

1698
01:22:07.160 --> 01:22:08.280
situationships

1699
01:22:08.280 --> 01:22:15.400
Because you you're not seeing this person enough to first a yes until it's a no the no's are not happening because you're not doing life

1700
01:22:15.400 --> 01:22:21.840
together so often I've seen people finally get to do a little bit of life in person with someone and they're not who they

1701
01:22:21.840 --> 01:22:26.680
Think they are on this person's been putting their best foot forward the whole time. They haven't been deceiving you

1702
01:22:26.680 --> 01:22:29.640
they just can't sustain the level of

1703
01:22:31.040 --> 01:22:37.040
Relationship that you need from them in person. And so there's just such a huge set of rules around it

1704
01:22:37.040 --> 01:22:41.400
So such a loaded question Lisa, but I just want to let you know that you need to know a lot sooner

1705
01:22:41.440 --> 01:22:45.040
One of my rules with my clients is that if you cannot get together

1706
01:22:45.480 --> 01:22:52.240
Within the first three to four weeks of talking to them within the first month and some people are international

1707
01:22:52.240 --> 01:22:57.400
They're in another country. If you can't get together with them in person between with

1708
01:22:58.240 --> 01:23:02.160
Within the first month of talking to them that you need to move on and talk to someone else

1709
01:23:03.080 --> 01:23:05.080
okay, and

1710
01:23:05.160 --> 01:23:10.400
Then when you get together with them in person you guys long-distance has to escalate a lot faster

1711
01:23:11.000 --> 01:23:16.960
Remember I was giving you 30 days before and what people do wrong with long-distance is they can become a very emotionally attached

1712
01:23:17.240 --> 01:23:23.400
They get on these phone calls and these FaceTimes and they share all their history and all the things that have ever happened to them

1713
01:23:23.400 --> 01:23:26.920
And they pray for each other and they even read books together watch movies together

1714
01:23:27.120 --> 01:23:33.040
You do all this stuff together and yet they've never met in real life. They've never even shared the same air

1715
01:23:33.920 --> 01:23:39.800
okay, and then by the time that you get with that person if you're able to overcome the fact that the chemistry is not the

1716
01:23:39.800 --> 01:23:41.640
same in person as it is

1717
01:23:41.640 --> 01:23:43.640
You know through technology

1718
01:23:43.880 --> 01:23:51.040
Then a lot of times that relationship escalates way too fast as far as promising and saying I love you and planning the future

1719
01:23:51.600 --> 01:23:54.520
Okay, and so what we have to do is not do any of that

1720
01:23:55.000 --> 01:24:00.120
No emotional attaching until you meet in person and you have to meet in person within the first three to four weeks

1721
01:24:00.640 --> 01:24:05.400
If when you meet in person, you really think there's potential you really have a lot in common

1722
01:24:05.560 --> 01:24:11.920
You really have a lot to build on then because it's long distance and the stakes are so much higher you have to start

1723
01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:15.200
making a lot more plans earlier in the

1724
01:24:15.400 --> 01:24:21.760
relationship about who's gonna see who next and how we're gonna pay for this and I really suggest if it really does have potential that

1725
01:24:21.760 --> 01:24:22.800
You split those bills

1726
01:24:22.800 --> 01:24:29.640
You even find people in your community where you live that that can house that person when they come to visit instead of expensive

1727
01:24:29.640 --> 01:24:30.680
hotels

1728
01:24:30.680 --> 01:24:32.000
All right

1729
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:36.840
It's not wise for them to stay at your house your adults do what you want people have done everything

1730
01:24:36.840 --> 01:24:40.200
I've heard every story you can think of but with long distance

1731
01:24:40.200 --> 01:24:46.720
You really have to spend as much time in person with this person and meet their people very soon very quickly

1732
01:24:47.240 --> 01:24:51.440
Very quickly in person meet their people if you have to do over FaceTime at first

1733
01:24:51.440 --> 01:24:56.720
But then do it in person you meet their parents not their children if they're blended family

1734
01:24:56.720 --> 01:25:00.000
Don't meet their kids yet, but meet their parents meet their best friends

1735
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.160
Uh, get to know them when you go meet them in person and you stay,

1736
01:25:04.160 --> 01:25:07.280
cause these are marathon dates are usually like a week long or at least a

1737
01:25:07.280 --> 01:25:09.880
weekend long, go to church with them, meet their people.

1738
01:25:10.160 --> 01:25:12.920
You've got to make sure this person really is who you think they are.

1739
01:25:13.820 --> 01:25:18.960
You have to. Okay. All right. Um, that's just kind of the, that's the,

1740
01:25:18.960 --> 01:25:22.240
um, the cliff notes of dating long distance.

1741
01:25:22.240 --> 01:25:24.880
Cause I don't have time to get into all of it. So hopefully that's helpful.

1742
01:25:24.900 --> 01:25:25.840
Adrian, what do you got?

1743
01:25:26.840 --> 01:25:31.680
Um, my question is by date four, is it okay?

1744
01:25:31.680 --> 01:25:34.520
I know butterflies and sparks are not a good indicator.

1745
01:25:35.000 --> 01:25:37.960
That is something I'm used to. Um, so it's different for me,

1746
01:25:38.000 --> 01:25:42.960
but is it okay to still be a little unsure about

1747
01:25:42.980 --> 01:25:44.480
how you're feeling? Um,

1748
01:25:44.500 --> 01:25:48.040
there's been no non-negotiables like violated that kind of thing,

1749
01:25:48.060 --> 01:25:50.360
but I'm just still in the middle of,

1750
01:25:51.040 --> 01:25:54.560
I don't know how I feel about him physically, if that makes sense. I know,

1751
01:25:54.560 --> 01:25:58.320
again, that's not everything, but I didn't know, you know, yeah,

1752
01:25:58.680 --> 01:26:02.640
absolutely. Remember days, days 30 through 60 are about clarity.

1753
01:26:02.840 --> 01:26:04.480
And so if that's what you're getting clear on,

1754
01:26:04.480 --> 01:26:07.600
then just continue to get clear on it. If this person is local though,

1755
01:26:07.600 --> 01:26:11.680
I really want to encourage you to see them as much as possible so that you can

1756
01:26:11.720 --> 01:26:15.840
find out how you feel about that. Okay. Yeah. He's local. Uh,

1757
01:26:15.840 --> 01:26:20.480
we actually went on our fourth date before this class. So awesome.

1758
01:26:21.360 --> 01:26:23.800
So it sounds like it's still a yes. It's not quite a no.

1759
01:26:23.800 --> 01:26:27.640
There's obviously things that you like about him besides the lack of, you know,

1760
01:26:28.000 --> 01:26:30.920
overt chemistry. Um, and, and listen,

1761
01:26:30.920 --> 01:26:32.680
if there are things that you don't like about him,

1762
01:26:32.680 --> 01:26:34.680
and I'm not going to ask you if you don't want to share,

1763
01:26:34.680 --> 01:26:36.560
but if it's like something like, yeah,

1764
01:26:36.560 --> 01:26:40.200
his teeth are crooked or I don't really like the way he dresses or, you know,

1765
01:26:40.200 --> 01:26:43.880
blah, blah, blah. Remember friends, um, all of that,

1766
01:26:43.900 --> 01:26:46.880
if you really have a strong emotional connection with someone,

1767
01:26:46.880 --> 01:26:49.720
eventually that stuff's going to kind of fade away and you're not going to really

1768
01:26:49.720 --> 01:26:51.080
notice that about them anymore.

1769
01:26:51.080 --> 01:26:54.040
That's very superficial stuff because it can be fixed.

1770
01:26:54.280 --> 01:26:56.000
Invisalign is cheap now.

1771
01:26:56.160 --> 01:27:00.200
I just saw that they're doing this Invisalign express for just like a few

1772
01:27:00.200 --> 01:27:03.680
hundred dollars or something. It's crazy. So Invisalign is cheap, you know,

1773
01:27:03.680 --> 01:27:06.520
clothes, gentlemen, if you,

1774
01:27:06.560 --> 01:27:09.120
if you haven't ever had a woman buy your clothes, you know,

1775
01:27:09.120 --> 01:27:10.000
and you don't want that,

1776
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:13.600
then you shouldn't get married because your woman's going to take over. Um,

1777
01:27:13.640 --> 01:27:15.840
she's going to take you over like a Ken doll. All right.

1778
01:27:15.920 --> 01:27:19.000
She's going to be showing you exactly what she wants you to wear in order for

1779
01:27:19.120 --> 01:27:23.880
her to be the utmost attracted to you. And so those things, because I,

1780
01:27:23.880 --> 01:27:26.040
so I'm saying this because when I met my husband,

1781
01:27:26.040 --> 01:27:28.160
he was my next door neighbor and we did life together.

1782
01:27:28.160 --> 01:27:31.680
So I got to spend a lot of time with him. When I first saw him, people are,

1783
01:27:31.680 --> 01:27:34.400
I was like, did you, did you like him when you first saw him? No,

1784
01:27:34.960 --> 01:27:39.840
he was a frumpy teacher at a Christian school and he wore,

1785
01:27:39.880 --> 01:27:41.440
you know, he was a little fluffy.

1786
01:27:41.440 --> 01:27:44.280
He's a little fluffy and I was super, super thin back then.

1787
01:27:44.480 --> 01:27:46.960
So he was a little fluffy, but he had like,

1788
01:27:47.240 --> 01:27:49.840
he had like glasses that didn't look good on him.

1789
01:27:49.840 --> 01:27:53.960
He had like these weird glasses that didn't have any rims to them and they just

1790
01:27:53.960 --> 01:27:58.280
looked like an old man. He looked like an old man. He was khaki pants.

1791
01:27:58.280 --> 01:28:01.680
And like, you know, just, I just didn't like it. I was just like,

1792
01:28:02.360 --> 01:28:05.920
my husband loves to say, babe, if we would have met in high school, you know,

1793
01:28:05.920 --> 01:28:10.440
would you, would you have liked me? And I'm like, absolutely not. All right.

1794
01:28:11.320 --> 01:28:13.960
Cause I know what I was like in high school and I know what he was like in high

1795
01:28:13.960 --> 01:28:15.640
school and we wouldn't have liked each other.

1796
01:28:15.640 --> 01:28:17.840
But the thing is is the more that I got to know him,

1797
01:28:17.840 --> 01:28:21.760
here's the point of what I'm saying, because he is handsome.

1798
01:28:22.720 --> 01:28:27.000
The bones of the house are good. The more that I got to know him,

1799
01:28:27.000 --> 01:28:29.800
the more that I started noticing his beautiful blue eyes,

1800
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:31.880
the more that I got to know him,

1801
01:28:31.880 --> 01:28:35.360
the more that I started noticing his beautiful smile, not as close,

1802
01:28:35.360 --> 01:28:37.400
not as dumb glasses that I didn't like,

1803
01:28:37.480 --> 01:28:41.520
not as dumb shoes that I wanted to burn. Okay.

1804
01:28:41.680 --> 01:28:45.080
But I noticed his, his kindness.

1805
01:28:45.080 --> 01:28:46.760
I noticed his little swagger.

1806
01:28:46.760 --> 01:28:50.560
I noticed other things about him as I got to know him. But remember,

1807
01:28:50.560 --> 01:28:53.480
I had a front row seat because he was my next door neighbor. So give a,

1808
01:28:53.480 --> 01:28:54.760
give a guy a chance,

1809
01:28:54.800 --> 01:28:59.360
especially if it's super superficial stuff that is causing you to have an

1810
01:28:59.360 --> 01:29:00.200
ick.

1811
01:29:01.880 --> 01:29:02.720
Thank you.

1812
01:29:03.440 --> 01:29:05.320
Yeah. Anya.

1813
01:29:07.800 --> 01:29:08.640
Anya.

1814
01:29:09.360 --> 01:29:13.080
Dang it. I do have an Anya. I have an Anya in my course.

1815
01:29:13.160 --> 01:29:16.680
One of my long time students who just got married.

1816
01:29:16.720 --> 01:29:20.800
So also I think I saw that and she spells it the same, right?

1817
01:29:21.280 --> 01:29:22.600
She does. Yes. Go ahead.

1818
01:29:23.640 --> 01:29:26.200
So just wondering on the non-negotiables,

1819
01:29:26.200 --> 01:29:30.480
cause I noticed somebody had asked a similar to what I've been wondering in the

1820
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:31.120
group,

1821
01:29:31.120 --> 01:29:35.840
just like how to know if I have one or many within the one.

1822
01:29:35.840 --> 01:29:36.680
Cause I,

1823
01:29:36.800 --> 01:29:40.960
I kind of followed the grid in the book where it might've listed a couple

1824
01:29:41.000 --> 01:29:43.920
different things under a heading,

1825
01:29:44.160 --> 01:29:47.760
like shares core faith and values. And it gave some examples. Yeah.

1826
01:29:48.520 --> 01:29:50.560
So that's how most of mine are,

1827
01:29:50.680 --> 01:29:53.880
but I want to make sure I'm getting as clear as possible.

1828
01:29:54.320 --> 01:29:55.240
I think it's fine.

1829
01:29:55.280 --> 01:30:00.000
I think it's fine if your main thing like healthy lifestyle and then

1830
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.000
All you're saying is that this is what a healthy lifestyle means to me.

1831
01:30:04.000 --> 01:30:04.500
Yeah.

1832
01:30:04.500 --> 01:30:07.500
But it's important that you understand that some of those might be preferences.

1833
01:30:07.500 --> 01:30:10.500
Like, for instance, they don't have to hike and bike to be healthy.

1834
01:30:10.500 --> 01:30:12.000
No. Yeah.

1835
01:30:12.000 --> 01:30:12.500
Okay.

1836
01:30:12.500 --> 01:30:13.000
That makes sense.

1837
01:30:13.000 --> 01:30:18.500
I saw someone say that they wanted someone with a, they wanted spiritual maturity,

1838
01:30:18.500 --> 01:30:23.000
but then they define that as attends church every week.

1839
01:30:23.000 --> 01:30:25.500
You guys, that doesn't define spiritual maturity.

1840
01:30:25.500 --> 01:30:29.000
It might define it for you, but it doesn't define it in general.

1841
01:30:29.000 --> 01:30:33.000
There are people that are in between churches because they simply just moved.

1842
01:30:33.000 --> 01:30:35.500
There are people that are in between churches for other reasons.

1843
01:30:35.500 --> 01:30:37.500
They have a great relationship with God.

1844
01:30:37.500 --> 01:30:39.500
They're very spiritually mature.

1845
01:30:39.500 --> 01:30:43.500
But maybe they go to like a, some sort of Christian fellowship or community.

1846
01:30:43.500 --> 01:30:44.500
Like, you know, it's not a church.

1847
01:30:44.500 --> 01:30:46.500
Maybe they go to a home, home group.

1848
01:30:46.500 --> 01:30:50.000
You know, maybe they have a men's group, ladies, that is what they meet with

1849
01:30:50.000 --> 01:30:54.500
because they just have not found a church that is what they want.

1850
01:30:54.500 --> 01:30:57.000
It's just really, we've got to be really careful with some of this stuff

1851
01:30:57.000 --> 01:31:02.000
that we're not narrowing the dating pool unnecessarily.

1852
01:31:05.000 --> 01:31:13.000
So then I guess just a piece off of that is how to look at it then to see like,

1853
01:31:13.000 --> 01:31:19.000
is this, is this a real definition or is this just my interpretation?

1854
01:31:19.000 --> 01:31:23.000
Like, am I getting too much into a preference by the way I define it?

1855
01:31:25.000 --> 01:31:26.000
It's hard for me to know.

1856
01:31:26.000 --> 01:31:29.000
I mean, but I will, listen, I'm going to answer a question between now and Sunday,

1857
01:31:29.000 --> 01:31:30.000
so just post it.

1858
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:31.000
Okay, sounds good.

1859
01:31:31.000 --> 01:31:33.000
Just post it.

1860
01:31:33.000 --> 01:31:36.000
I will tell you, this is really important that you guys know this,

1861
01:31:36.000 --> 01:31:40.000
but North American, so Switzerland, I don't know.

1862
01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:42.000
I don't know about the other countries that are represented here,

1863
01:31:42.000 --> 01:31:48.000
but United States of America, the churches here that are non-denominational,

1864
01:31:48.000 --> 01:31:50.000
okay, not the Catholic churches.

1865
01:31:50.000 --> 01:31:51.000
Those are pretty co-ed.

1866
01:31:51.000 --> 01:31:54.000
There's lots of men that go to mass and other things.

1867
01:31:54.000 --> 01:31:58.000
But the non-denom churches or even some of the denom churches at times,

1868
01:31:58.000 --> 01:32:02.000
as far as like Baptists and Presbyterian Methodists, whatever,

1869
01:32:02.000 --> 01:32:11.000
they are very geared towards a feminine type of worship style.

1870
01:32:11.000 --> 01:32:12.000
Okay.

1871
01:32:12.000 --> 01:32:14.000
Especially the non-denom churches.

1872
01:32:14.000 --> 01:32:15.000
They're heavy on music.

1873
01:32:15.000 --> 01:32:19.000
They're heavy on, you know, worship and, you know,

1874
01:32:19.000 --> 01:32:25.000
just into like emotional like hype kind of stuff going on.

1875
01:32:25.000 --> 01:32:28.000
They're often led by a man.

1876
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:29.000
They're like, what does that have?

1877
01:32:29.000 --> 01:32:30.000
Why is that feminine?

1878
01:32:30.000 --> 01:32:32.000
Because women want male leaders.

1879
01:32:32.000 --> 01:32:35.000
Ladies, I don't care how strong of a woman in here you are.

1880
01:32:35.000 --> 01:32:38.000
When you get healthy, when you are really in your divine feminine,

1881
01:32:38.000 --> 01:32:42.000
you are going to want a man not to boss you around, not to lord over you,

1882
01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:45.000
but to lead you, not your spirituality.

1883
01:32:45.000 --> 01:32:48.000
You might know more of scripture than he does.

1884
01:32:48.000 --> 01:32:50.000
But you want him to know where he's going.

1885
01:32:50.000 --> 01:32:53.000
You want to feel like someone is driving the bus.

1886
01:32:53.000 --> 01:32:54.000
That's not you.

1887
01:32:54.000 --> 01:32:55.000
Okay.

1888
01:32:55.000 --> 01:33:01.000
You're going to want someone to partner with that you feel like is,

1889
01:33:01.000 --> 01:33:02.000
has got it together.

1890
01:33:02.000 --> 01:33:03.000
All right.

1891
01:33:03.000 --> 01:33:06.000
So these churches are led by men and that's the main person.

1892
01:33:06.000 --> 01:33:08.000
It's just one man up there leading.

1893
01:33:08.000 --> 01:33:11.000
A lot of men aren't really, they don't really like that that much.

1894
01:33:11.000 --> 01:33:13.000
They don't.

1895
01:33:13.000 --> 01:33:14.000
I've heard from men.

1896
01:33:14.000 --> 01:33:16.000
They're like, yeah, you know,

1897
01:33:17.000 --> 01:33:20.000
I feel like, I feel like my wife, you know,

1898
01:33:20.000 --> 01:33:22.000
she listens to the pastor more than she listens to.

1899
01:33:22.000 --> 01:33:25.000
Not listens to me, like do what I say, woman,

1900
01:33:25.000 --> 01:33:30.000
but listens to like my view on things or listens to like, you know,

1901
01:33:30.000 --> 01:33:34.000
what I'm feeling or, you know, what I'm sensing God saying, you know,

1902
01:33:34.000 --> 01:33:38.000
this happens when you get these real, uh,

1903
01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:44.000
feminine kind of orchestrated experiences.

1904
01:33:44.000 --> 01:33:47.000
And so there are a lot of men that they just, you know, they're like, eh,

1905
01:33:47.000 --> 01:33:50.000
unless it's really a man's man's church where there's a lot of men's group

1906
01:33:50.000 --> 01:33:53.000
stuff and there's a lot of community for men and stuff,

1907
01:33:53.000 --> 01:33:55.000
which we do have one here in Austin.

1908
01:33:55.000 --> 01:33:56.000
That's like that.

1909
01:33:56.000 --> 01:34:00.000
Um, but there's a lot of churches that, you know, a lot of men, if you,

1910
01:34:00.000 --> 01:34:03.000
if you, if you talk to them, they're like, yeah, you know, church.

1911
01:34:03.000 --> 01:34:04.000
Yeah.

1912
01:34:04.000 --> 01:34:05.000
I don't like it that much.

1913
01:34:05.000 --> 01:34:06.000
Okay.

1914
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:07.000
So, so be careful with that.

1915
01:34:07.000 --> 01:34:08.000
There's other ways to,

1916
01:34:08.000 --> 01:34:11.000
there's other ways to really discern someone's spiritual maturity than

1917
01:34:11.000 --> 01:34:13.000
whether or not they go to church every time the door is open.

1918
01:34:13.000 --> 01:34:14.000
Okay.

1919
01:34:14.000 --> 01:34:18.000
It's really important that you get to learn that a little bit deeper about

1920
01:34:18.000 --> 01:34:19.000
them.

1921
01:34:19.000 --> 01:34:21.000
And you're going to see fruit.

1922
01:34:21.000 --> 01:34:23.000
Don't be a gift inspector, be a fruit inspector,

1923
01:34:23.000 --> 01:34:25.000
look for fruit in someone's life.

1924
01:34:25.000 --> 01:34:27.000
That's how you're going to see spiritual maturity.

1925
01:34:27.000 --> 01:34:28.000
Do they have love?

1926
01:34:28.000 --> 01:34:29.000
Do they have joy?

1927
01:34:29.000 --> 01:34:30.000
Do they have peace?

1928
01:34:30.000 --> 01:34:31.000
Do they have patience?

1929
01:34:31.000 --> 01:34:32.000
Okay.

1930
01:34:32.000 --> 01:34:33.000
Let's see.

1931
01:34:33.000 --> 01:34:34.000
That stuff can't be faked.

1932
01:34:34.000 --> 01:34:35.000
So if it's there,

1933
01:34:35.000 --> 01:34:38.000
it's there because they have spiritual maturity.

1934
01:34:38.000 --> 01:34:39.000
All right.

1935
01:34:39.000 --> 01:34:40.000
Okay.

1936
01:34:40.000 --> 01:34:41.000
Okay.

1937
01:34:41.000 --> 01:34:42.000
You guys, we are over time.

1938
01:34:42.000 --> 01:34:43.000
I'm going to go ahead and let us go.

1939
01:34:43.000 --> 01:34:45.000
But if you ask your questions in the app,

1940
01:34:45.000 --> 01:34:48.000
they are going to be answered between now and next Sunday.

1941
01:34:48.000 --> 01:34:49.000
Email us.

1942
01:34:49.000 --> 01:34:51.000
If you want to hear more about one-on-one coaching with me,

1943
01:34:51.000 --> 01:34:54.000
whether a small group or actual one, one, one-on-one.

1944
01:34:54.000 --> 01:34:59.000
And then also, um, this group will be open for 60 days.

1945
01:34:59.000 --> 01:35:00.000
You'll be able to sign up.

1946
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.320
be able to access the book, the ebook, all your materials,

1947
01:35:04.320 --> 01:35:07.600
and the replays, and then your rollover offer

1948
01:35:07.600 --> 01:35:11.320
is in the resource tab in your app.

1949
01:35:11.320 --> 01:35:13.040
Okay, so go check that out.

1950
01:35:13.040 --> 01:35:15.540
I'd love to have you in last year's single.

1951
01:35:16.620 --> 01:35:18.260
I believe God has so much more for you

1952
01:35:18.260 --> 01:35:20.000
than what happened here.

1953
01:35:20.000 --> 01:35:21.120
So thank you so much.

1954
01:35:21.120 --> 01:35:23.080
Thank you guys, yes, I learned a lot.

1955
01:35:23.080 --> 01:35:26.000
I learned a lot, that's great, thank you.

1956
01:35:26.000 --> 01:35:27.240
Thank you, you're welcome.

1957
01:35:27.240 --> 01:35:28.780
I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself.

1958
01:35:28.820 --> 01:35:31.580
I enjoyed myself, I wish we had more time.

1959
01:35:31.580 --> 01:35:34.020
Otherwise, these replays are way, way too long though,

1960
01:35:34.020 --> 01:35:35.780
so I don't wanna do that to people.

1961
01:35:37.780 --> 01:35:39.760
I love it, yes, give the link to a friend.

1962
01:35:39.760 --> 01:35:41.560
If you're already in LYS, go ahead and give

1963
01:35:41.560 --> 01:35:43.380
that rollover link to a friend.

1964
01:35:43.380 --> 01:35:44.940
They're gonna go straight into the hard work,

1965
01:35:44.940 --> 01:35:47.220
but yes, someone asked us before if they could do that,

1966
01:35:47.220 --> 01:35:48.520
and I don't see why not.

1967
01:35:48.520 --> 01:35:50.780
Community-based matchmaking is what we wanna do.

1968
01:35:50.780 --> 01:35:53.500
I want you guys to see something, it's really important.

1969
01:35:53.500 --> 01:35:58.500
Okay, there are about, I don't know, 10-ish men

1970
01:35:58.540 --> 01:36:01.740
in this book club, and yes, there's a lot of women.

1971
01:36:01.740 --> 01:36:04.460
There's 45 women, there's 45 people on here now,

1972
01:36:04.460 --> 01:36:07.300
and I can see definitely one man is on camera.

1973
01:36:07.300 --> 01:36:09.900
I don't know if the guy's watching replay or if they don't.

1974
01:36:09.900 --> 01:36:11.340
I know that there are some other men

1975
01:36:11.340 --> 01:36:13.860
that are here live as well, or were earlier.

1976
01:36:13.860 --> 01:36:16.100
Maybe they're not here now, but there are other men

1977
01:36:16.100 --> 01:36:17.540
that will be watching the replays,

1978
01:36:17.540 --> 01:36:21.120
but ladies, 95% of you have your cameras off.

1979
01:36:21.120 --> 01:36:21.960
Hello?

1980
01:36:29.520 --> 01:36:30.720
I think I can end this book club

1981
01:36:30.720 --> 01:36:32.320
with that mic drop right there.

1982
01:36:35.080 --> 01:36:35.920
There I am.

1983
01:36:37.560 --> 01:36:38.400
Right?

1984
01:36:40.580 --> 01:36:44.640
They can't find you if you're hiding,

1985
01:36:44.640 --> 01:36:46.840
and this is the kind of place where you definitely

1986
01:36:46.840 --> 01:36:48.360
want people to be able to see your face.

1987
01:36:48.360 --> 01:36:49.560
There's grace on your face.

1988
01:36:49.560 --> 01:36:50.400
Why is that?

1989
01:36:50.400 --> 01:36:52.780
Because the only people that join this book club

1990
01:36:52.780 --> 01:36:54.320
are people that are masculine,

1991
01:36:54.320 --> 01:36:56.600
mature, and marriage-minded men.

1992
01:36:56.600 --> 01:36:58.360
So this would be the exact place

1993
01:36:58.360 --> 01:37:01.240
that you want people to see you.

1994
01:37:01.240 --> 01:37:02.200
That's all.

1995
01:37:02.200 --> 01:37:03.200
I love y'all.

1996
01:37:03.200 --> 01:37:04.040
I'll see you soon.

1997
01:37:04.040 --> 01:37:04.860
Bye, everyone.