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Good to see all you lovely ladies.

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I know a few people are still jumping on.

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That's good.

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Thank you, Peggy, Nadine, Amanda, Saoirse, Kelly, Lisa.

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I got lots of you on camera today.

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I love it.

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Perfect.

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It's exciting.

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So good to see you all.

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Yes, it is August 18th.

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It is your Tuesday phase two live community check and call.

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Lots of great things that I'm seeing in y'all's post

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on the app.

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Always really good.

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So let's go ahead and get started.

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Today, hopefully it is, I know, I

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feel like over the last several months,

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our teachings have been really heavily focused on heart work.

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For whatever reason, the Lord has just really

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been pressing us there.

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And I felt last night when I was praying and going

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over everyone's posts from the week

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and just catching up to make sure if anybody replied back.

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I try to do that often.

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I felt like it was time just to, let's give you

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ladies some practical tips on dating.

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We've done a lot of the heart work stuff.

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And now I think it's time to, I think

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we've done enough now that we're able to incorporate

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the practical steps because we're starting to really step

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into that heart work.

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So today's theme, if you will, is

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going to be on every assignment does have a different purpose,

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but it doesn't have a different process.

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You'll often hear Jackie, one of my favorite phrases

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that I've heard her say over the years,

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because mind you, I've been with her since 2020.

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Those of you that don't know me, I

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think everybody who's on here is, I don't think

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I have anybody new to Phase 2.

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Amanda, are you new to Phase 2?

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You can unmute.

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So I'm not new to Phase 2, but this is my first,

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like I've just kind of finished it,

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but this is my first live call.

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I've been listening to the replays, but I was like,

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you know what, I'm going to pop out from work and, I'm sorry?

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Have you posted in the app a few times?

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No, not during Phase 2 yet, so I need to work on that.

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There might be another Amanda that I'm thinking of.

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I think there is, yeah.

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OK.

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Well, we're so glad to have you online.

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I love it.

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I'm so excited to have you here with us today.

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So yeah, definitely good to see you all, but where was I at?

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Where was I at?

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Every assignment has a different purpose, but the same process.

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So every assignment is going to have a different purpose,

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but we have the same process.

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And Jackie often talks about every promise has a process.

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Having been with her since 2020, that

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is definitely one of those phrases that

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have been seared in my mind.

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There's a lot of, I call them, Jackie-isms, if you will,

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that you'll hear me frequently reference,

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and that's one of them.

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And so I just want to remind you ladies

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that this discovery dating that we often

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talk about in this phase is, for some of you,

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it's going to be new.

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It's going to be different, because we're

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incorporating a lot of the Phase 1 heartwork stuff with it.

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And so that discovery dating is being partnered

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with that preparation for marriage.

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And so it's not about rushing the certainty and the outcome

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of the dating process, and is this

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going to end up in marriage?

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It's more or less, it's going to be about preparing your heart

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and preparing the relationships that you're walking into,

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whatever those outcomes are.

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And so it's really about partnering

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with God in that process.

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So that's the process that's the same.

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It's partnering with the Lord.

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Now, the purpose of each assignment

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is going to be slightly different,

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and that's what I want to discuss a little bit today

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when it comes to those levels.

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relationship. So in that dating 101 video okay some of you might have watched it a while ago

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okay that's fine you can always re-watch that teaching content. If you are in replay watching

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and it's brand new to you we're only watching one video content teaching a week and so I have

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some ladies that have been here for a little longer than five to six weeks which is everyone's

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got their own process all right same process but their own pace all right so it's your own journey

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you get to navigate how long you're in this phase two okay we just ask no no more than um no less

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if I will I shouldn't say no more no less than five or six weeks okay that is something that we

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strongly encourage at last year single okay we don't want you rushing through this process

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especially phase one and phase two okay we don't want you kind of phase three is always going to

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be there all right you know you're not you're not going to miss out on it because you'll get there

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I promise okay but we want to make sure that you have that strong foundation and the heartwork

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and this discovery dating as you're dating differently with heartwork and so um that's

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super super important um to make sure that y'all are learning to partner with God

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and realize what's being revealed in your heart while you're dating so that you can discern that

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next faithful step so that you're walking in peace you're walking in wisdom and most importantly

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you're walking in supernatural surrender so important okay so we've been talking a lot about

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that over the last several weeks is that supernatural surrender God is writing your

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story we're not in charge of the outcome but I know a lot of you are like okay great Carla but

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I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing and so I really hope that today you'll leave this call

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really feeling like you have some good practical things that you can do regardless of what level

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you're at okay um so make sure you have your notes out I will post um my own notes in the next day or

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two okay so that you know but I always like you ladies to make your own notes because it you'll

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write things that Holy Spirit will speak to you and so when you go back and look it will resonate

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with you okay so just um make sure that you're doing that if you are able obviously if you're

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driving in your vehicle don't don't take notes okay we don't want you crashing all right this

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is in replay so you can always go back and watch and replay and take notes then sometimes I do that

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myself especially with Supernatural Saturday with Jackie I'll listen live if I can listen live and

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then I'll get then go and listen and replay and then take notes of what I feel like Holy Spirit

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is speaking to me okay um so a couple housekeeping items before I go ahead and pray us in um

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just don't forget to engage in the app ladies I mean I don't have a whole lot of housekeeping

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items don't forget to engage in that I was so like y'all I was floored like

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so moved in the spirit after last week's call because that afternoon evening and the next day

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I saw several of y'all post and those posts were really vulnerable and posts from people that I

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don't frequently see in here and that was really encouraging and when I read a lot of those posts

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I really felt like those posts did something in the community for all the sisters that are here

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in phase two like having been through this community myself as a single and now you know

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I'm a success story but one of the biggest takeaways that I had myself was just being

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able to come and partner with the ladies that were in the same like stage of life that I was

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okay like everyone was single everyone was you know going through the ups and downs and like you

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know we were living the single life and you know there were wins and then sometimes there was discouragement

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And I think last week I was sharing with a lot of you ladies, like, I was frequently

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under that discouragement, often, okay?

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And that's like one thing that I'm looking back, I didn't like it at the time, obviously.

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You know, I didn't like being discouraged, but seeing what God has, the blessings of

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opportunities he's given me now in this season, I see why it was necessary for me to go through

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that discouragement.

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Because it allows me to understand and not forget what it was like to be single.

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One thing that I remember, and I'm sure many of you can relate to this, you know, I was

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in my late 30s, never been married, and everyone around me was married.

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And I would talk to friends, again, all were married, and it frequently just, I never felt

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like any of them understood what it was like to be single.

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Like they were single in one season, but it's like they got married and it was like that

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memory completely went out the window.

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And so I would go, and many of my friends were married, you know, when you get in your

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older years, when you get in those, you know, late 30s and beyond, you typically find yourself

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being like the only one at a wedding that's like the girl catching the bouquet.

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Like usually you're around all the little teeny boppers.

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Y'all, I was like that older, 20, 30 something going into my forties, like around all the

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little teeny bopper girls.

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And I'm like, well, this is awkward.

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Okay.

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So I know some of you ladies can relate to that.

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And so I get that and I just remember what that was like.

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And it was really discouraging at times because I felt like all my friends just didn't understand

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the season that I was in.

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I didn't know who I could go to.

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And so when I found last year single and we had women of all ages, from all different

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backgrounds, all over the, all over the country and over the world, like now we have literally

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women from all over the world.

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Like I know we've got Catherine who's like in Sweden.

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I know there's a couple ladies that are in like Germany and England and Scotland and

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all these different places.

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I, we had a lot of ladies in Canada from the very beginning.

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So it was like Canada, United States.

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I mean, I've, I've coached women from like Africa country.

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Like it's been so amazing.

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And so, um, it's really honestly a blessing to be able to come into this community and

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just know there are women that just get what it's like being single.

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And I cherish that God gave me those moments of ups and downs because I, it's

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important to me that you all have someone in your corner that doesn't forget what it's

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like, but then also is walking out the promise that you all are going to walk in.

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That promise of marriage is coming for you.

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All right.

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And so I always just pray that if my testimony and my story happened, if it's

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going to happen for me, it's going to happen for you.

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And I just never want you ladies to feel like, well, she just doesn't get it because

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she's married now.

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No, I want to walk and partner with you through it because it is people that are

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married and have walked through this program.

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That's going to help you be even more successful.

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Like that's important.

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And so, um, please don't forget to engage in community.

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That's so important.

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Okay.

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So, you know, post everything, anything and everything, your takeaways, your aha

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moments, your wins, your discouragements, your questions, your curiosity.

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It could be about the teachings, the replays, um, anything.

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Okay.

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Share them. All right. What are what's God highlighting to you? What's he working on in your heart currently?

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and

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My most favorite and I really want you ladies to consider this

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If you ladies are going on dates

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Come in and spill the tea, please. I

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want to know the details I

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Don't care how long that post is

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Because I'm here to be your coach

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And your cheerleader and help you with the blind spots

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But if I don't know about it, and I I don't I can't see it. Okay

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I'm not I'm not literally going on the date with you. So I'm gonna need the details. All right, and so is Ebony

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So don't be afraid to come and share

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What your date was like?

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The good the bad the ugly all of it

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Okay

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We all girls here. We all sisters. All right

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I'm I

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interesting because

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Lately, I've been watching I my husband and I we watch

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We watch several different sermons. We don't typically watch a lot of TV

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But we'll watch several different pastors that we like plus obviously we get our own

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Local church, that's a church plant

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But we like to listen to other pastors in the area and things of that nature

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Especially when they talk about relationships and there was one that we listened to

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Most recently

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And it talked a little bit, you know a lot about marriage, but I really appreciated that he spent some time talking about

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He didn't just focus on merit on married people. He focused on the singles too in his congregation and

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I was just like thank you Jesus and it reminded me several weeks ago if you didn't watch a replay

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from one of our one o'clock sessions

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It was a Sarai which had shared with us about

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You know, she was at a conference at our church and the and the panel was just a bunch of married people and

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It was really discouraging to her and and the Holy Spirit just released something really powerful

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I wish I remember what date that was because I would tell you ladies to go back and rewatch that

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But it reminded me of like I am so thankful that there are churches and pastors that are

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speaking to singles and

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in this sermon

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he was teaching from Song of Solomon or Song of Songs and

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as I was putting you know our our teaching together today, I was like and

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thinking about engaging in our app

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I was like, oh my word

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Have you if you've ever gone through that book

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There's it's it's literally marriage like

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It's it's like pg-13. Okay, like we this is it's like

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It's you're not sharing it with your littles. Okay

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And so it's like a pg-13 thing

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And so it's like a pg-13 book if you will, okay, but it's awesome because I mean it's it's

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what marriage

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is right

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But you have King Solomon and then you have you know, his wife like one of his wives

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I wouldn't don't love pointing that out. You know, he did marry more than one woman

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We're not encouraging that obviously

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But

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Do you all ever notice?

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That in that book there are the woman's friends

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The woman's friends

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Share a little bit

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Okay, now they're not there

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During like the intimate times, right?

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But the women are given their two cents

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You know, and so I was just reminded like well, yeah, that's what women do, right?

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Um, but this this this sermon was teaching like

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Be mindful of who you're surrounding yourself with

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So I want you ladies to be encouraged

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And this wasn't even part of the teaching today, but I feel like Holy Spirit's taking us there. So we're gonna we're gonna go with it

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You are in a community of Christian minded women that are on the same journey and like want the same things, right?

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Godly kingdom minded marriages

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So why would we not come here in this community and share that?

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Okay, be mindful of who you're speaking to okay, I have a lot of people in my community

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I don't know if this is the first time but many

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Be very careful. You know, I had a lot of, a lot of friends that, yeah,

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To come into somebody else's lives

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they might've gone to church,

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but they might not have been so positive about dating and marriage.

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They don't actually take a moment to consider words right first

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Even some of my marriage friends, y'all,

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Questions

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some of my marriage friends were not in great marriages.

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Concerns

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So even when I was going to them,

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hey

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Are

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if they had a like dirty lens of what they were looking at,

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They

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at relationship and marriage through,

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because of heart stuff that they needed to work on,

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I could have been getting a different message.

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And so I really I'm putting that out there because I really feel like Holy

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Spirit wants you ladies to remember, like this is a safe space for you.

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This really is a safe space for you.

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So don't shy away from coming and sharing in our app and on our calls.

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Um, it will grow you. It will accelerate your love story.

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That's why phase two is called love story accelerator.

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Cause we want to know your stories, your love stories,

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your dating stories. So you can be exhilarated. All right.

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Into the God's promise of marriage. All right. So, all right.

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That's enough for housekeeping today.

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I'm going to go ahead and pray for us and then we will go ahead and get started.

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So heavenly father,

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I just thank you so much for bringing us together today. Father,

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I thank you for every woman that is joining us on this call and in replay Lord

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that you, you just know them deeply. You, they're deeply loved by you.

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Um,

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and that before we even begin to start talking about dating and relationships

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and anything that has to do with discovery dating father, um,

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we just want to acknowledge that you are the author of every single

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love story that is represented here today on this call.

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And Lord, you write the best love stories.

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You write the best happily ever after.

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And so Lord,

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I just thank you for every single one of the stories that you are

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writing.

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And I just, I can't wait to celebrate that Lord.

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Lord, we invite you in this conversation today. Lord,

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I just ask that you teach us what it is that you want us to learn.

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Show us things that you want us to see, to see, reveal to us,

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um, anything that you lovingly want us to continue to grow in.

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And Lord, just give us hearts that are open to your wisdom.

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And most importantly, that we are just,

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that we are still sitting still

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and allowing the outcomes that you

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write that we're not rushing towards any certainty, Lord.

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Oh yes. Father, Lord,

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just help us remember that every season has a purpose

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that we don't have to rush. Um, temptation,

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and move ahead.

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We don't have to remain stuck because of fear.

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Just teach us to faithfully embrace the assignment

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that you've given us today.

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Give us the grace to walk in that and trust your

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obedience. Um, trust,

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trust the obedience that w that we need to step into father.

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And that you're preparing us for, um, tomorrow's promises.

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Lord,

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as we walk through each of these stages of discovery dating today on this call,

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um,

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help us recognize that you're doing so much more than just

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introducing us to another person. Um,

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but you're actually inviting us into deeper relationship with you,

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father.

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It introduces us to a deeper trust,

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greater wisdom, healthier discernment,

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and just that close partnership and intimate relationship with you.

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Lord, I just ask that every woman on today's call feels,

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um,

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blessed that they don't feel pressure to figure everything out,

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but that they feel like they can just walk in confidence

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that they can have their heads held high,

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looking up towards you,

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that you are guiding each and every one of their steps,

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that you are directing them to which step to take faithfully.

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And Lord,

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we just surrender this.

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time to you. In your son's name, Jesus, we pray. Amen. All right. Okay. So typically I jump into

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our celebrating like what's going on in community, which I always love to do, but God took us

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somewhere else before. So I'm going to kind of not rush through it, but rush through it.

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I like to sit in the celebration, but I want to make sure that we have plenty of time to get

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to our, um, teaching today. Cause I think it's going to be really, really good. And I want you

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all to be able to take some really good notes. And then I want to make sure that we leave enough

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time for your questions. Um, and so, um, just things I want to celebrate real quick, ladies

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is as I'm, as I'm in the app and I'm looking at your questions, ladies, I'm recognizing that

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there's a big shift from your questions from a few months ago before I saw a lot of questions,

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um, being more about like searching for that perfect answer. Like, what do I do?

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Like, give me, give me the answer, Carla. Give me the answer, Ebony.

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Like, what do I say? What do I do? Right. And now I'm starting to see these questions

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are starting to get more directed towards, um, you faithfully navigating the season that you're in

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and each and every one of you are, are navigating your own season that God has you on.

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Um, some of you are literally you're, you're on first dates. Some of you are just getting to know

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people. All right. Maybe you haven't started dating, but you're just getting to know,

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see what's out there. Right. Some of you are, um, you know, have dated a few guys

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more than one or once or twice. And now you're trying to figure out, okay,

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do I continue this? Do I not? Um, some of you ladies aren't dating at all right now,

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and that's okay too. Some of you are just in this process of preparing what that's going to look

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like. Okay. So there's always differences. There's different women, different stories,

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different, um, assignments, different stages of where you're at in the dating process.

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Stages of where you're at in the dating process, but underneath everything,

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God is still wanting to partner with each and every one of you. And, um, that's really exciting.

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And so I just want to take one or two minutes, nothing huge. And I want to ask you all,

365
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where do you currently feel you are at in this season?

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You can share it in the chat. You can unmute if you're not able to type. I know. Cause some of

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you might be driving. I'm curious to know. I know Catherine, she posted Catherine, go ahead. Um,

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I wanted to share with us. You can unmute real quick. We're not doing any coaching right now.

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We're just sharing. Where do you think you're at in this season?

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Well, at this season, I am at, um, happily having a boyfriend after three dates. I had date number

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seven with him over the weekend. Still healing from my divorce, but came a long way before

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I started talking to my boyfriend, let alone dating him. So I came a long way, but still,

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I find myself noticing that I'm resentful for him for forcing me into single life again,

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and I didn't want it. And it was literally to pursue a sinful lifestyle, which there's nothing

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I can do about that. But, uh, and also finding myself really trying to enjoy my boyfriend and

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where we're at in the moment and not projecting too much in the future. But it's a struggle

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because I, I really just can't wait till I get married again. And I keep telling my,

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I keep telling God too. I'm like, Oh, I'll really forgive my ex-husband when I'm remarried, or I'll

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really like get over it when I'm remarried, or I promise you I will never treat my next husband the

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way I was wrong with my first one. So I find myself bargaining a lot with God too. So that's

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pretty much where I am in the season. I love that. Catherine, thank you so much for sharing.

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I love that. So, um, yeah, so some of us might be in that process where we're,

383
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we're starting to date, or we might start finding ourselves like we actually have an,

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we're in exclusive relationships. And just because we find ourselves in those relationships

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doesn't necessarily mean that there are not things that God

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00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.000
Todd is highlighting to us that needs healing.

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All right, and so I love that Katherine shared that

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because that really does go with what I wanna share

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with y'all today.

390
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So I really appreciate you taking the time out.

391
00:30:17.940 --> 00:30:20.520
Let's see what else everybody has shared.

392
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Some people are discovering yourself,

393
00:30:25.420 --> 00:30:29.380
things that are negotiables and non-negotiables.

394
00:30:29.380 --> 00:30:31.520
Some people are starting to date.

395
00:30:33.380 --> 00:30:36.780
Some people are realizing that fear is making a decision

396
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so they're stepping into,

397
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maybe they're dating a couple different people

398
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and they're recognizing things.

399
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All good, good things.

400
00:30:48.580 --> 00:30:52.420
Let's see, Amanda, I have been at peace recently.

401
00:30:53.260 --> 00:30:54.700
Went on a date last week

402
00:30:54.700 --> 00:30:57.880
and hadn't been on a date in almost two years,

403
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:00.600
which was discouraging because I just see friendship,

404
00:31:00.600 --> 00:31:04.120
but my sister encouraged me to not go backwards

405
00:31:04.120 --> 00:31:06.400
and that I'm doing so well.

406
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:07.840
So yeah, we're gonna notice

407
00:31:07.840 --> 00:31:11.340
that this is going to be a new season.

408
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:17.200
Heartwork is going to show,

409
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:20.060
you're gonna show up differently in dating

410
00:31:20.060 --> 00:31:21.440
now that you've gotten some heartwork.

411
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:23.960
And like I said, these last several months,

412
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I really felt like the Lord was heavily focusing

413
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on walking heartwork out in this phase,

414
00:31:34.380 --> 00:31:38.680
not just in our dating relationships, but in just life.

415
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And so I really am excited for today.

416
00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:50.200
I think the biggest thing that I want you ladies

417
00:31:50.200 --> 00:31:54.640
to take away is I think it's really easy for us

418
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:59.200
to get this misconception when we jump into phase two,

419
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:04.120
that discovery dating is mostly learning about what to do,

420
00:32:06.300 --> 00:32:09.860
like the rules, the how-tos, okay?

421
00:32:11.240 --> 00:32:16.160
But instead, I want you ladies to walk away after today,

422
00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:18.880
realizing that discovery dating

423
00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:23.320
is learning to faithfully partner with God

424
00:32:23.320 --> 00:32:25.280
wherever he currently has you.

425
00:32:25.280 --> 00:32:27.760
Because as you see, ladies in the chat,

426
00:32:28.680 --> 00:32:32.440
y'all are at different places.

427
00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:34.680
Y'all might be single,

428
00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:39.680
but God has you in a different assignment.

429
00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:45.340
And that's okay, but the process doesn't change.

430
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:48.000
Okay?

431
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:52.240
And so every level of discovery dating

432
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:53.800
has that different assignment.

433
00:32:53.800 --> 00:32:55.960
So the relationships are gonna change,

434
00:32:55.960 --> 00:32:58.360
the conversations are gonna change,

435
00:32:58.360 --> 00:33:02.200
the information changes, all right?

436
00:33:02.200 --> 00:33:04.840
But no matter what level of dating you're at,

437
00:33:04.840 --> 00:33:07.380
you're level one, level two, beginning,

438
00:33:07.380 --> 00:33:10.040
maybe you're into level two towards the end,

439
00:33:10.040 --> 00:33:14.200
maybe you're moving to level three, exclusivity, okay?

440
00:33:14.200 --> 00:33:19.160
I always like to look at it as you're in classrooms.

441
00:33:19.160 --> 00:33:22.640
It's a different stage, it's a different classroom, okay?

442
00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:24.780
So that process is never gonna change.

443
00:33:26.360 --> 00:33:27.440
And so it's not about learning

444
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.120
about what the right questions are to ask,

445
00:33:30.120 --> 00:33:33.400
it's about learning the right heart posture.

446
00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:38.440
It's the heart posture.

447
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:40.320
And so I think that's why the Lord

448
00:33:40.320 --> 00:33:43.600
really had us focusing the last few months.

449
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:45.640
If you've been here with us for a while,

450
00:33:46.600 --> 00:33:48.600
there's a lot of heartwork stuff.

451
00:33:50.760 --> 00:33:53.040
And I've seen such a huge transition

452
00:33:53.040 --> 00:33:55.640
in so many of you ladies.

453
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:58.360
And it's been amazing.

454
00:33:58.360 --> 00:34:02.040
Like I've been coaching in phase two

455
00:34:02.040 --> 00:34:03.900
for now almost three years.

456
00:34:06.080 --> 00:34:08.159
And this is one of the first times

457
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:12.260
where I really truly feel

458
00:34:12.260 --> 00:34:15.739
that most of you ladies are walking in

459
00:34:16.820 --> 00:34:19.840
the relationships with healed and healthy hearts.

460
00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:22.880
I really do.

461
00:34:23.860 --> 00:34:27.420
I mean, we get ladies coming in from phase one

462
00:34:27.420 --> 00:34:29.000
where they've been there for a while,

463
00:34:29.000 --> 00:34:31.300
we have women that jump in really like,

464
00:34:31.300 --> 00:34:33.780
they're like, okay, I did heartwork

465
00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:38.780
in like three or four weeks, I'm ready to date, all right?

466
00:34:38.820 --> 00:34:41.380
I've even brought people into this community.

467
00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:44.739
I had one girl a couple of years ago from my church,

468
00:34:44.739 --> 00:34:48.100
she's like, oh, I've already done this heartwork stuff.

469
00:34:48.100 --> 00:34:50.900
I'm like, okay, how's that working for you?

470
00:34:50.900 --> 00:34:52.300
She's still single, right?

471
00:34:52.300 --> 00:34:54.600
And so a lot of people want to rush through that.

472
00:34:54.600 --> 00:34:56.940
And so I'm, this, like I said,

473
00:34:56.940 --> 00:34:59.500
this is the first time in three years

474
00:34:59.500 --> 00:35:03.580
where I really feel like I'm walking in the right path.

475
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.240
I really do feel like many of you ladies that are showing up are showing up with healed

476
00:35:03.580 --> 00:35:06.460
And so I think that's why it's so important

477
00:35:06.460 --> 00:35:09.060
for us to really focus on the heart.

478
00:35:07.240 --> 00:35:08.800
and healthy hearts.

479
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:12.120
You're walking out heart work.

480
00:35:12.120 --> 00:35:14.880
And so, I think that's huge.

481
00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:19.160
And so, let's talk about what that process that doesn't change, what that really is.

482
00:35:19.160 --> 00:35:20.160
Okay?

483
00:35:20.160 --> 00:35:23.640
So, this is where you're going to want to take some notes, okay?

484
00:35:23.640 --> 00:35:28.800
Because this is the process that doesn't change.

485
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:35.500
First step, partner with God.

486
00:35:35.500 --> 00:35:41.520
You are simply partnering with the Lord.

487
00:35:41.520 --> 00:35:47.000
I like to think of this as surrender, supernatural surrender.

488
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:48.920
You're just saying, okay, Lord, I'm not in charge.

489
00:35:48.920 --> 00:35:49.920
You are.

490
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:51.400
I'm working with you.

491
00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:52.600
We're in this together.

492
00:35:52.600 --> 00:35:53.600
Okay?

493
00:35:53.600 --> 00:36:00.000
This isn't God just come, you know, Amazon Prime him to my doorstep and let me sit in

494
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.240
my house and in hiding and do absolutely nothing.

495
00:36:04.240 --> 00:36:09.520
I'm doing action steps and Lord, I'm partnering with you.

496
00:36:09.520 --> 00:36:12.520
I'm listening to you.

497
00:36:12.520 --> 00:36:14.640
How are you going to stretch me?

498
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:15.880
Okay?

499
00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:23.000
The next thing is you're going to gather information.

500
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:24.600
You're going to gather information about others.

501
00:36:24.600 --> 00:36:26.560
You're going to gather information about yourselves.

502
00:36:26.560 --> 00:36:28.000
You're going to gather information about God.

503
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:30.000
What is God showing you?

504
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:33.960
What's he revealing to you?

505
00:36:33.960 --> 00:36:42.600
The next step is to stay curious.

506
00:36:42.600 --> 00:36:47.060
You don't have to know right away what something is.

507
00:36:47.060 --> 00:36:51.960
You don't have to bring anything like there's.

508
00:36:51.960 --> 00:36:54.200
This one I think sometimes is a challenge.

509
00:36:54.200 --> 00:37:01.400
It was a challenge for me because I'm the type of person that when I'm given information

510
00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:06.880
and maybe some of you ladies can relate to this and if you can share it and share it

511
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:10.760
with us because then you can see that maybe I can see that maybe I'm not the only one

512
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:14.760
and some of you that are like, oh, this is me too.

513
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:16.760
And I'm not the only one.

514
00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:27.720
I can take information and my mind can literally start assuming what that information tells

515
00:37:27.720 --> 00:37:30.480
me.

516
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:37.640
I can literally take that information and start believing facts when really they're

517
00:37:37.640 --> 00:37:39.680
just assumptions.

518
00:37:39.680 --> 00:37:43.520
Lucy, you're relating to that?

519
00:37:43.520 --> 00:37:44.520
Okay, good.

520
00:37:44.520 --> 00:37:46.680
I'm not the only one.

521
00:37:46.680 --> 00:37:51.840
It is so easy for me to sit here and say, well, this happened, therefore, this must

522
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:55.440
be true.

523
00:37:55.440 --> 00:38:02.160
But when we sit and we stay curious, we eliminate a lot of that.

524
00:38:02.160 --> 00:38:04.560
Lisa, have a really good doctor's appointment.

525
00:38:04.560 --> 00:38:05.560
All right.

526
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:07.240
Listen to the replay.

527
00:38:07.240 --> 00:38:13.720
Let us know some of your takeaways, what you really enjoy, okay?

528
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:15.760
We'll be praying for your appointment.

529
00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:22.720
Okay, so we got partner with God, gather information, stay curious.

530
00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:29.040
The next thing is notice what he's revealing.

531
00:38:29.040 --> 00:38:32.120
Don't just ignore it, ladies.

532
00:38:32.120 --> 00:38:33.480
Don't just sweep it under the rug.

533
00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:37.040
Don't just avoid it.

534
00:38:37.040 --> 00:38:39.480
It's not going to go away.

535
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:43.600
Last thing you want to do is not address that stuff because then when you do enter

536
00:38:43.600 --> 00:38:46.840
marriage, guess what's going to come out in marriage?

537
00:38:46.840 --> 00:38:50.680
All that stuff.

538
00:38:50.680 --> 00:38:53.720
And I love what Catherine was sharing with us earlier.

539
00:38:53.720 --> 00:38:57.920
She was being real and raw and honest and vulnerable.

540
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:01.960
She's got a boyfriend and she's really trying to enjoy that process, but she's recognizing

541
00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:06.640
that there's some revealing for healings.

542
00:39:06.640 --> 00:39:12.800
There's some areas where she's like, man, I'm still really healing from this divorce.

543
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.640
And ladies, that's okay.

544
00:39:15.640 --> 00:39:23.960
It reminds me, she was sharing, I literally heard Jackie say, hurt in relationship, healed

545
00:39:23.960 --> 00:39:29.240
in relationship.

546
00:39:29.240 --> 00:39:34.640
That's surfaced for me too, in my season, in my walk, in my relationship.

547
00:39:34.640 --> 00:39:41.000
I had so many hurts in relationship.

548
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:45.440
I had had a lot of relationships that I thought were the one.

549
00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:48.640
I thought they were going towards marriage.

550
00:39:48.640 --> 00:39:52.440
All right.

551
00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:58.480
I didn't do things so righteously, if you will.

552
00:39:58.480 --> 00:39:59.480
Okay.

553
00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:00.480
Thank you.

554
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.500
A single mom who had never been married, you know what I mean, okay?

555
00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:00.480


556
00:40:07.500 --> 00:40:11.900
I had lived with a boyfriend once, okay?

557
00:40:11.900 --> 00:40:14.420
No shame, no guilt, right?

558
00:40:14.420 --> 00:40:16.700
We all have different stories.

559
00:40:16.700 --> 00:40:18.900
But guess what?

560
00:40:18.900 --> 00:40:26.180
God came and redeemed and healed and restored a lot of that.

561
00:40:26.180 --> 00:40:29.620
And how did he do it?

562
00:40:30.300 --> 00:40:37.260
Through the relationship that he wrote for me.

563
00:40:37.260 --> 00:40:40.660
In my marriage.

564
00:40:40.660 --> 00:40:47.820
And even in my marriage, it doesn't mean everything's a walk in the park.

565
00:40:47.820 --> 00:40:51.260
It isn't.

566
00:40:51.260 --> 00:40:56.020
Sarah Schilling, she's laughing because she gets it.

567
00:40:56.020 --> 00:40:58.480
She gets it.

568
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:02.080
Marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind.

569
00:41:02.080 --> 00:41:03.640
It really is, okay?

570
00:41:03.640 --> 00:41:05.880
I saw something earlier today.

571
00:41:05.880 --> 00:41:09.160
Marriage is not there to make you happy.

572
00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:10.200
It's there to mature you.

573
00:41:10.200 --> 00:41:11.200
It's there to grow you.

574
00:41:11.200 --> 00:41:12.320
It's there to stretch you.

575
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:16.560
It's there to really make you more like Christ.

576
00:41:16.560 --> 00:41:19.200
It's there to heal you.

577
00:41:19.200 --> 00:41:23.040
God wants you married, but you want to know what he wants more?

578
00:41:23.040 --> 00:41:24.480
He wants you healed.

579
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:27.480
And he's going to use that marriage to heal you.

580
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:39.280
It reminds me, again, you have male and female, husband and wife, to become one flesh.

581
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:44.920
In the garden, there was Adam, and God was like, something's not good.

582
00:41:44.920 --> 00:41:56.640
He pulled woman out of Adam's side, took a rib out, and was like, okay, now there's partnership.

583
00:41:56.800 --> 00:41:57.800
There's companionship.

584
00:41:57.800 --> 00:41:58.800
There's relationship.

585
00:41:58.800 --> 00:42:06.600
Now, the two of you are going to work together, and that's the perfect image of God.

586
00:42:06.600 --> 00:42:10.360
But there's stretching in that.

587
00:42:10.360 --> 00:42:13.800
There's healing in that.

588
00:42:13.800 --> 00:42:23.040
And so, be mind, just understand, there will be some revealings for healing.

589
00:42:23.040 --> 00:42:25.560
So yeah, thank you, Sarah Schill, for putting those up.

590
00:42:25.560 --> 00:42:30.440
Number four is notice what he's revealing.

591
00:42:30.440 --> 00:42:37.680
Then the next step, five, is take the next faithful step.

592
00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:40.640
Does this mean, ladies, that you're going to take the right step?

593
00:42:40.640 --> 00:42:52.400
I don't have a lot of people on camera, so I don't even know if y'all are hearing me.

594
00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:59.760
Does your next faithful step always mean it's going to be the right perfect step?

595
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:04.160
No.

596
00:43:04.160 --> 00:43:12.960
But if you're partnered with God, which again, that was number one, partnering with God,

597
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:17.240
who do you think can help you course correct?

598
00:43:17.240 --> 00:43:24.920
He's going to reveal to you and show you, hey, it's okay to make a mistake.

599
00:43:24.920 --> 00:43:27.360
You've gathered some information.

600
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:28.360
You got curious.

601
00:43:28.360 --> 00:43:34.200
I'm going to reveal something to you, and that step wasn't the right step, but guess

602
00:43:34.200 --> 00:43:35.200
what?

603
00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:36.360
Now I'm going to direct you to the right step.

604
00:43:36.360 --> 00:43:39.360
So it's not about perfection.

605
00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:42.080
It really is not about perfection.

606
00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:49.960
So that leads us to the next part, is releasing the outcome.

607
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:51.880
Those kind of go hand in hand.

608
00:43:51.880 --> 00:43:54.760
Release the outcome is number six.

609
00:43:54.760 --> 00:43:59.320
You take the next faithful step, which is number five, but number six, you're also releasing

610
00:43:59.320 --> 00:44:03.680
the outcome because you're not looking for perfection.

611
00:44:03.680 --> 00:44:08.440
You're allowing God to reveal to you what he wants to show you.

612
00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:09.440
You're partnering with him.

613
00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:11.760
It doesn't mean you're going to do it perfectly.

614
00:44:12.440 --> 00:44:14.800
In fact, you're not going to do it perfectly because guess what, y'all?

615
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:15.800
You're not perfect.

616
00:44:15.800 --> 00:44:19.040
That's why we all need a savior.

617
00:44:19.040 --> 00:44:22.320
Amen.

618
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.080
No worries, Lucy.

619
00:44:25.080 --> 00:44:26.720
Okay.

620
00:44:26.720 --> 00:44:32.640
And then the last step is real simple.

621
00:44:32.640 --> 00:44:36.040
Repeat.

622
00:44:36.040 --> 00:44:41.120
You're going to keep going through that same process over and over again, no matter what

623
00:44:41.160 --> 00:44:46.600
your assignment is, no matter what stage you're in, you're just going to keep going through

624
00:44:46.600 --> 00:44:47.920
that process.

625
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:53.360
Ladies, I'm going through that process in my own marriage.

626
00:44:53.360 --> 00:44:55.520
So it doesn't stop.

627
00:44:55.520 --> 00:45:00.040
Now I just have a partner that I have to work with.

628
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:11.320
besides God. Luckily, God's my source. I'm not making my husband my source, because

629
00:45:11.320 --> 00:45:16.000
there's times that, like, we butt heads, and that's fine too, because then God

630
00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:21.600
gets to work on us individually. All right, and so now we're going to talk

631
00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:25.640
about those levels. All right, I'm gonna try to get through these quickly. I have

632
00:45:25.640 --> 00:45:29.800
lots of notes with it, but I'm just gonna kind of just pull a couple things

633
00:45:29.800 --> 00:45:39.000
from each category so that we can move right along. Okay, first level is your

634
00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:46.040
level one and even that early level two. It's that curiosity and discovery. Okay,

635
00:45:46.040 --> 00:45:51.600
we're talking about dates one and two. All right, this is gonna happen in that

636
00:45:51.600 --> 00:45:59.920
two to four week period of getting to know somebody. Okay, so your assignment

637
00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:07.720
during that stage is just to learn who the person is. That's it. What you're not

638
00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:16.640
doing is asking, is he my husband? Release that. That's not what you're

639
00:46:16.640 --> 00:46:24.920
doing. What you're doing is simply finding out who is this person. Okay,

640
00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:30.640
you're going to gather some information about him. These are some of the things

641
00:46:30.640 --> 00:46:34.800
that you're going to gather. Okay, and I'm gonna move quickly through this because

642
00:46:34.800 --> 00:46:40.800
I want to leave time for questions. Some information that you can be gathering

643
00:46:40.800 --> 00:46:51.280
about him. Does he honor your boundaries? Do you enjoy being around him? Does

644
00:46:51.280 --> 00:47:01.360
conversation naturally flow or does the conversation feel awkward? Is he someone

645
00:47:01.360 --> 00:47:08.880
that initiates? Is he showing some like he's interested? Is he someone that's

646
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:20.760
asking questions about you? Okay, this is that stage, that date one and two, that

647
00:47:20.760 --> 00:47:27.000
level one, early level two of dating and relationships. Remember, it's a yes until

648
00:47:27.000 --> 00:47:33.600
to no. You're not, again, we're not asking is this my husband? I need to know, you

649
00:47:33.600 --> 00:47:38.480
know, what's his faith walk like? And you know, what kind of, you know, spiritual

650
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:44.320
leader is he gonna be? No, we're just figuring out who is this guy? Do I like

651
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:52.720
being around him? Okay, that's what you are, that's the information you're

652
00:47:52.720 --> 00:47:56.280
gathering about him. You're also gonna start gathering information about

653
00:47:56.280 --> 00:48:02.560
yourself. This is one area I don't want you ladies to forget. This is not just

654
00:48:02.560 --> 00:48:08.120
about the men, ladies, it's about us too. So, things that I want, the information I

655
00:48:08.120 --> 00:48:17.720
want you ladies gathering is, do you feel relaxed? Do you feel peaceful? Do you

656
00:48:17.720 --> 00:48:29.280
feel like you're performing? Are you trying to get his approval? Are you

657
00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:37.760
imagining what a future will look like with him? Are you remaining connected to

658
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:40.520
yourself?

659
00:48:44.040 --> 00:48:47.920
These are all things that you want to make sure that you are learning about

660
00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:54.920
you in these early, early stages. Because the questions that are gonna fit this

661
00:48:54.920 --> 00:49:01.680
assignment, okay, these are things that are gonna help you on dates one and two,

662
00:49:01.680 --> 00:49:14.200
is asking questions like, so what do you do outside of work? What's a, what's a

663
00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:17.520
typical weekend look like for you?

664
00:49:19.840 --> 00:49:25.160
What are some things that you do, that you enjoy doing with your family or

665
00:49:25.160 --> 00:49:39.880
friends? In fact, what are your friendships like? What's that look

666
00:49:39.880 --> 00:49:48.920
like in your life? Do you have, like, I mean, honestly, like, do they have friends?

667
00:49:49.560 --> 00:49:54.440
Sometimes some men don't really have friends. Ladies, I dated a guy that he

668
00:49:54.440 --> 00:50:01.880
didn't, and that was a deal-breaker for me. We'd gone on three dates.

669
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.180
It's, and I started thinking, like,

670
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:08.820
I don't know if he had friends that by the third date,

671
00:50:08.820 --> 00:50:11.320
I mean, I wish I would have asked sooner rather than later

672
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:13.240
because I was on that third going,

673
00:50:13.240 --> 00:50:14.920
like we had planned a fourth date

674
00:50:14.920 --> 00:50:18.120
and y'all, I was in turmoil about like, what do I do?

675
00:50:18.120 --> 00:50:22.720
And one of the questions that I asked him

676
00:50:22.720 --> 00:50:26.360
leading into the fourth date was,

677
00:50:26.360 --> 00:50:28.720
what are your friendships like?

678
00:50:28.720 --> 00:50:32.160
I wish I would have asked that date one, date two.

679
00:50:32.160 --> 00:50:33.880
Would have given me a much clearer picture

680
00:50:33.880 --> 00:50:35.400
and I probably would have caused my,

681
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:38.620
like given myself a little less stress.

682
00:50:38.620 --> 00:50:39.460
All right?

683
00:50:40.560 --> 00:50:42.280
So see, I didn't even do it perfectly.

684
00:50:42.280 --> 00:50:44.620
I didn't walk it out perfectly.

685
00:50:44.620 --> 00:50:48.840
My faithful steps didn't always go so well, okay?

686
00:50:48.840 --> 00:50:51.520
I learned something, all right?

687
00:50:51.520 --> 00:50:54.360
You might even ask them, so what,

688
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:56.360
this season of life that you're in,

689
00:50:56.360 --> 00:50:59.340
like, what's life been teaching you currently?

690
00:51:01.160 --> 00:51:03.720
What's your season of life like?

691
00:51:03.720 --> 00:51:05.920
These are all get to know you questions

692
00:51:05.920 --> 00:51:09.920
that can reveal quite a bit of information.

693
00:51:11.000 --> 00:51:16.000
These are gonna be natural, conversational and curious.

694
00:51:20.800 --> 00:51:22.360
That's what you're looking for.

695
00:51:22.360 --> 00:51:24.280
That's how you get to know people,

696
00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:27.600
through curiosity, through conversation,

697
00:51:27.600 --> 00:51:29.580
and it's going to be natural.

698
00:51:29.580 --> 00:51:33.720
What it's not gonna be is interrogating somebody.

699
00:51:33.720 --> 00:51:38.720
We're not interviewing somebody to be our husband, all right?

700
00:51:40.200 --> 00:51:41.800
Cause I know some of you ladies on dates,

701
00:51:41.800 --> 00:51:43.640
you don't like that.

702
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:45.100
You don't like it when these guys are like,

703
00:51:45.100 --> 00:51:46.800
okay, so how many kids do you want?

704
00:51:47.640 --> 00:51:48.600
You know?

705
00:51:55.280 --> 00:51:58.760
So those are good things.

706
00:51:58.760 --> 00:52:02.600
Some common mistakes in this stage, okay?

707
00:52:02.600 --> 00:52:03.820
These are good ones.

708
00:52:05.520 --> 00:52:07.000
And I've already kind of said one of them.

709
00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:08.140
You're treating the date like

710
00:52:08.140 --> 00:52:09.800
you're interviewing for a husband.

711
00:52:11.380 --> 00:52:13.520
Dates one and two, let's not do that.

712
00:52:15.080 --> 00:52:16.400
Some of you might make the mistake

713
00:52:16.400 --> 00:52:18.660
of sharing your whole life story.

714
00:52:20.320 --> 00:52:21.320
Y'all, I did that.

715
00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:25.040
I really had to scale that back.

716
00:52:26.600 --> 00:52:30.300
Some of you will talk more than you listen.

717
00:52:32.760 --> 00:52:35.960
I know y'all can already guess that was me.

718
00:52:38.560 --> 00:52:40.560
I'm a woman with lots of words.

719
00:52:44.400 --> 00:52:46.120
Even my husband says that.

720
00:52:46.120 --> 00:52:47.760
He's like, all right.

721
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:49.840
Usually by like 10, 11 o'clock at night,

722
00:52:49.840 --> 00:52:54.840
he's like, okay, we got to turn off the words.

723
00:52:55.880 --> 00:52:57.640
He can't process any more words.

724
00:52:59.240 --> 00:53:02.400
Some of the mistakes are you're planning for the future

725
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:08.340
before you're learning about the present, okay?

726
00:53:11.680 --> 00:53:14.280
You're trying to figure out what they want to do

727
00:53:14.280 --> 00:53:17.240
in the future and you don't know where they're at right now.

728
00:53:18.240 --> 00:53:22.800
And that's because you're looking for certainty

729
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:24.620
instead of information.

730
00:53:26.560 --> 00:53:30.520
So, and some of the things in this level, level one,

731
00:53:30.520 --> 00:53:34.000
the early stages of level two and dates one and two

732
00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:37.120
in those first two to four weeks,

733
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:39.320
there's going to be hard work that's happening.

734
00:53:39.320 --> 00:53:40.460
And so these are the things

735
00:53:40.460 --> 00:53:43.300
that God might be revealing to you.

736
00:53:43.300 --> 00:53:46.760
He might be revealing some fears.

737
00:53:48.080 --> 00:53:51.720
He might be revealing that you have a need for validation.

738
00:53:53.640 --> 00:53:56.480
Might be revealing that you kind of operate

739
00:53:56.480 --> 00:53:58.520
in this performance.

740
00:53:58.520 --> 00:54:02.300
You're trying to perform in these early stages.

741
00:54:02.300 --> 00:54:06.440
You might even reveal that you have a scarcity mindset.

742
00:54:07.520 --> 00:54:08.760
You got to make this work

743
00:54:08.760 --> 00:54:10.680
because there's nobody else left out there.

744
00:54:10.680 --> 00:54:12.900
Maybe no one else is going to like me.

745
00:54:13.260 --> 00:54:16.260
You might be revealing like you got a little bit

746
00:54:16.260 --> 00:54:18.900
of control in you.

747
00:54:18.900 --> 00:54:20.780
You're trying to control that outcome.

748
00:54:21.660 --> 00:54:24.340
You're a boss, babe, that's me.

749
00:54:24.340 --> 00:54:29.340
I'm always trying to manage the outcome.

750
00:54:31.740 --> 00:54:33.620
You see how I use that word manage?

751
00:54:33.620 --> 00:54:35.340
It sounds prettier than control.

752
00:54:37.220 --> 00:54:40.220
You might even be revealing that you're a boss.

753
00:54:40.620 --> 00:54:44.660
You might even be revealing some old beliefs there too.

754
00:54:44.660 --> 00:54:46.860
So those are some of the hard work things

755
00:54:46.860 --> 00:54:50.500
to be looking out for in dates one and two.

756
00:54:53.060 --> 00:54:57.620
So instead of asking, what does this mean?

757
00:54:59.060 --> 00:54:59.980
Ask,

758
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.400
The Lord, what are you revealing in me?

759
00:55:06.120 --> 00:55:09.120
So this is that dates one and dates two.

760
00:55:10.720 --> 00:55:13.320
We'll see you later, Lucy.

761
00:55:13.320 --> 00:55:14.680
Catch the replay so you can listen

762
00:55:14.680 --> 00:55:17.360
to the other couple categories, okay?

763
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:23.280
Yes, so yes, boss babes are a thing nowadays.

764
00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:27.640
So like I was one of those, I still can be, okay?

765
00:55:27.640 --> 00:55:32.200
So it's just learning how to operate more

766
00:55:32.200 --> 00:55:34.160
in the divine feminine

767
00:55:34.160 --> 00:55:38.240
while having those leadership qualities, okay?

768
00:55:39.080 --> 00:55:41.840
All right, so now let's move on to level two.

769
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:45.880
Okay, this is, now you've gone through dates one and two.

770
00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:50.640
So now you're probably on dates three, four, five-ish, okay?

771
00:55:50.640 --> 00:55:53.280
This is gonna be in like a four to 12 week time period

772
00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:56.320
depending on how much time you have

773
00:55:56.320 --> 00:55:58.680
to be dating one person, okay?

774
00:55:58.680 --> 00:56:01.760
Because again, ladies, keep in mind,

775
00:56:01.760 --> 00:56:06.280
you might be, or we encourage,

776
00:56:06.280 --> 00:56:08.880
don't just put all eggs in one basket.

777
00:56:08.880 --> 00:56:10.600
It's okay to date a couple of different people

778
00:56:10.600 --> 00:56:13.560
at this stage, okay?

779
00:56:13.560 --> 00:56:18.000
So level two dating is about discernment

780
00:56:18.000 --> 00:56:21.980
and then you're getting a little bit more deeper discovery.

781
00:56:21.980 --> 00:56:26.980
Okay, so that assignment is you're observing consistency.

782
00:56:28.860 --> 00:56:32.020
You want to be looking for their character

783
00:56:32.020 --> 00:56:35.980
and their patterns of their behaviors, okay?

784
00:56:37.300 --> 00:56:39.180
We're not looking at potential.

785
00:56:40.620 --> 00:56:43.540
Oh, well, they, I bet they could be this.

786
00:56:43.540 --> 00:56:45.260
They talk like they would.

787
00:56:45.260 --> 00:56:46.380
Oh, you know, they have goals

788
00:56:46.380 --> 00:56:49.180
and aspirations to be like this.

789
00:56:49.180 --> 00:56:50.500
That's potential.

790
00:56:51.460 --> 00:56:56.140
We're looking for consistency, patterns, and their character.

791
00:56:57.020 --> 00:57:00.700
Who do they consistently show up to be?

792
00:57:01.820 --> 00:57:03.940
That's what you're looking for.

793
00:57:03.940 --> 00:57:06.220
So the information that you're gathering about him

794
00:57:06.220 --> 00:57:11.220
is does what he says match what he does?

795
00:57:16.540 --> 00:57:17.660
We'll see you, Nadine.

796
00:57:21.500 --> 00:57:24.220
How does he respond to disappointment?

797
00:57:26.740 --> 00:57:27.820
Something doesn't go his way.

798
00:57:27.820 --> 00:57:28.900
How's he responding?

799
00:57:32.460 --> 00:57:35.020
How's he handling stress and conflict?

800
00:57:37.900 --> 00:57:40.140
Is he someone that you see,

801
00:57:40.140 --> 00:57:45.140
is he willing to apologize and take accountability

802
00:57:45.180 --> 00:57:46.440
and be teachable?

803
00:57:48.340 --> 00:57:50.100
How does he treat other people?

804
00:57:51.500 --> 00:57:56.500
Do you see fruit in his life

805
00:57:58.660 --> 00:58:01.380
instead of just hearing his words?

806
00:58:04.860 --> 00:58:09.140
This is where you'll hear Jackie often uses this.

807
00:58:09.140 --> 00:58:10.580
This is a Jackie-ism.

808
00:58:11.620 --> 00:58:15.500
Be a fruit inspector, not a gift inspector.

809
00:58:15.500 --> 00:58:18.660
This for my ladies that are my, you know,

810
00:58:18.660 --> 00:58:22.340
got like my overly religious ladies, okay?

811
00:58:22.340 --> 00:58:24.820
And there's nothing wrong with the religion, okay?

812
00:58:24.820 --> 00:58:27.300
There's nothing wrong with being a believer

813
00:58:27.300 --> 00:58:29.660
and wanting the same thing and wanting that partnership.

814
00:58:29.660 --> 00:58:31.560
Y'all, I am that person too.

815
00:58:32.660 --> 00:58:34.260
But you're looking for the fruit.

816
00:58:34.260 --> 00:58:35.620
You're not looking for the gift

817
00:58:35.620 --> 00:58:38.380
because anybody can just have all the Christian words

818
00:58:38.380 --> 00:58:39.640
and all the Christian,

819
00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:41.860
what do we call them, Christianisms or whatever?

820
00:58:41.860 --> 00:58:44.480
I don't know if that's the right term.

821
00:58:44.480 --> 00:58:46.260
They can walk the walk,

822
00:58:47.260 --> 00:58:50.060
but do they actually live it out?

823
00:58:51.900 --> 00:58:55.200
Does their life show the fruit

824
00:58:55.200 --> 00:58:59.460
of what a Christ-like life looks like?

825
00:59:00.460 --> 00:59:03.340
That's important, all right?

826
00:59:03.340 --> 00:59:05.860
We're not looking at chemistry here.

827
00:59:05.860 --> 00:59:07.780
We're looking at consistency.

828
00:59:09.820 --> 00:59:12.340
Y'all, patterns are going to reveal

829
00:59:12.340 --> 00:59:13.980
a lot more than potential.

830
00:59:16.620 --> 00:59:17.860
Okay?

831
00:59:17.860 --> 00:59:19.700
So that's what you're looking for in him.

832
00:59:19.700 --> 00:59:21.340
Now, things that you're gonna be gathering

833
00:59:21.340 --> 00:59:22.900
information about you.

834
00:59:25.580 --> 00:59:27.500
Remember in the beginning, you're asking,

835
00:59:27.500 --> 00:59:29.780
am I peaceful?

836
00:59:29.780 --> 00:59:34.780
Am I staying connected to myself?

837
00:59:35.120 --> 00:59:37.860
You're gonna be asking those questions,

838
00:59:37.860 --> 00:59:39.060
but now on a deeper level.

839
00:59:39.060 --> 00:59:42.540
So you're gonna be like, am I becoming more peaceful?

840
00:59:42.540 --> 00:59:44.900
Is my peacefulness growing?

841
00:59:44.940 --> 00:59:47.420
Is that fruit growing

842
00:59:47.420 --> 00:59:50.820
as I'm spending more time with this person?

843
00:59:50.820 --> 00:59:54.140
Am I, or am I becoming more anxious?

844
00:59:55.140 --> 00:59:57.320
Am I second guessing myself a lot more?

845
00:59:59.020 --> 00:59:59.860
Am I...

846
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
able to start using my voice or am I quieting my voice down?

847
01:00:08.040 --> 01:00:11.280
You'll notice, am I losing myself or am I feeling like

848
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:14.040
I'm more of who God has created me to be?

849
01:00:15.800 --> 01:00:20.800
Are you noticing red flags because they're actually real?

850
01:00:23.920 --> 01:00:28.920
Or are you noticing red flags because they feel familiar?

851
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:30.700
Which one is it?

852
01:00:32.840 --> 01:00:36.360
Are you ignoring yellow flags?

853
01:00:36.360 --> 01:00:39.480
Because you really, really like him, he's super cute.

854
01:00:39.480 --> 01:00:41.080
And he's got so much potential.

855
01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:44.880
He says all the right Christian things.

856
01:00:47.600 --> 01:00:49.080
You know, I got that scarcity mindset,

857
01:00:49.080 --> 01:00:52.360
like I just don't know if I'm gonna find anybody better.

858
01:00:52.360 --> 01:00:54.280
So I'm gonna ignore that flag.

859
01:00:54.280 --> 01:00:59.280
Are you continuing to trust God with the pacing?

860
01:01:06.680 --> 01:01:10.240
So some questions in this stage,

861
01:01:12.280 --> 01:01:15.220
these get to be a little bit more deep, okay?

862
01:01:16.280 --> 01:01:17.760
Doesn't mean we're going full deep dive.

863
01:01:17.760 --> 01:01:19.840
We're not talking about the Xs and all that kind of stuff,

864
01:01:19.840 --> 01:01:24.840
but we're learning more about where do they see themselves.

865
01:01:25.240 --> 01:01:27.880
Okay, so this can look like,

866
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:32.880
so what in your life has shaped who you are today?

867
01:01:37.920 --> 01:01:41.680
What wins and successes and what failures

868
01:01:41.680 --> 01:01:43.120
make you who you are?

869
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:49.120
You're not asking that in date one and date two.

870
01:01:49.120 --> 01:01:51.920
You're just trying to figure out who that person is.

871
01:01:51.920 --> 01:01:54.360
Do you enjoy being around them, remember?

872
01:01:54.360 --> 01:01:56.240
Now, since you like being around them,

873
01:01:56.240 --> 01:01:58.280
now you're on date three, four.

874
01:01:58.280 --> 01:02:02.740
I really wanna know a little more depth about them.

875
01:02:05.440 --> 01:02:09.520
This is that question where I get a lot of people

876
01:02:09.520 --> 01:02:11.760
where they find themselves wanting to know,

877
01:02:11.760 --> 01:02:15.300
well, how do I know if they wanna be in marriage

878
01:02:15.300 --> 01:02:17.040
and their relationships and all that?

879
01:02:17.040 --> 01:02:21.720
This is where you can subtly, not suddenly,

880
01:02:21.720 --> 01:02:25.000
subtly start shifting your questions in that way.

881
01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:27.320
But again, we're not interrogating.

882
01:02:27.320 --> 01:02:28.360
You could be saying,

883
01:02:28.360 --> 01:02:33.360
so are you looking for marriage in the future?

884
01:02:34.360 --> 01:02:37.720
And if so, what would that marriage look like for you?

885
01:02:37.720 --> 01:02:39.560
What does marriage look like for you?

886
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:46.680
We've got a lot of ladies in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s,

887
01:02:47.660 --> 01:02:50.120
like some of you are gonna be meeting people

888
01:02:50.120 --> 01:02:52.600
that have been married before.

889
01:02:52.600 --> 01:02:53.880
And you're gonna be curious,

890
01:02:53.880 --> 01:02:56.640
are these people wanting to be married again?

891
01:02:56.640 --> 01:03:00.520
By date three, four, that's okay to ask.

892
01:03:02.360 --> 01:03:04.240
Now, you're not interrogating them,

893
01:03:04.240 --> 01:03:06.200
because again, you haven't really discussed

894
01:03:06.200 --> 01:03:08.360
this dates one and two.

895
01:03:08.360 --> 01:03:11.240
If you started discussing this in date one and two,

896
01:03:11.240 --> 01:03:13.360
it's gonna feel really heavy by date three

897
01:03:13.360 --> 01:03:15.080
when you're still asking these kinds of questions.

898
01:03:15.080 --> 01:03:16.760
That's why we don't want to ask those questions

899
01:03:16.760 --> 01:03:18.400
in date one and two.

900
01:03:18.400 --> 01:03:21.280
Date three, after you've gotten some information about them,

901
01:03:21.280 --> 01:03:25.040
then you might be like, okay, are you interested in that?

902
01:03:25.040 --> 01:03:27.480
Is that something that you're looking forward to?

903
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:31.040
You know, what are some things that have shaped you

904
01:03:31.040 --> 01:03:33.560
and who you are, your failures, successes?

905
01:03:34.800 --> 01:03:37.400
What's healthy communication look like for you?

906
01:03:39.480 --> 01:03:41.040
That's important to know.

907
01:03:42.040 --> 01:03:43.040
Ladies, let me tell you,

908
01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:45.760
men and women communicate completely different.

909
01:03:45.760 --> 01:03:49.040
So sometimes it's nice to hear how someone

910
01:03:49.040 --> 01:03:52.280
thinks what healthy communication looks like.

911
01:03:52.280 --> 01:03:55.280
Then you get to be curious about that, okay?

912
01:03:55.280 --> 01:03:56.200
You might ask them, like,

913
01:03:56.200 --> 01:03:58.120
what are some goals that you're working towards?

914
01:03:58.120 --> 01:04:00.040
So maybe it might not even,

915
01:04:00.040 --> 01:04:03.120
maybe if you're like, I don't know if we're in a place

916
01:04:03.120 --> 01:04:04.520
where we can talk about marriage,

917
01:04:04.520 --> 01:04:07.680
I'm still not sure if we're at that space.

918
01:04:07.680 --> 01:04:10.560
Ask them what their goals are.

919
01:04:11.240 --> 01:04:13.000
If someone asks you what your goals are, say,

920
01:04:13.000 --> 01:04:15.640
well, someday I'd like to be married.

921
01:04:15.640 --> 01:04:20.200
That's a goal, and that's okay to share by date three.

922
01:04:23.480 --> 01:04:28.480
All right, this is that stage when conversation

923
01:04:29.720 --> 01:04:33.520
naturally becomes deeper because the trust is growing.

924
01:04:34.880 --> 01:04:37.000
You haven't really developed a whole lot of trust

925
01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:38.120
date one and two.

926
01:04:38.120 --> 01:04:39.680
You're still getting to know them.

927
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:42.200
Healthy relationships are naturally

928
01:04:42.200 --> 01:04:45.360
going to deepen over time, okay?

929
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:49.400
That's why this is typically moving into that

930
01:04:49.400 --> 01:04:50.800
after like four weeks.

931
01:04:50.800 --> 01:04:52.680
Like, we're looking at like anywhere

932
01:04:52.680 --> 01:04:56.280
between four to 12 week period, okay?

933
01:04:58.280 --> 01:05:02.280
Okay, let's move on to the next one, okay?

934
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.000
Again, you're not interrogating them.

935
01:05:02.280 --> 01:05:03.720
This is the next one.

936
01:05:06.000 --> 01:05:12.040
Some common mistakes is, there's a lot of times people want to define the relationship

937
01:05:12.040 --> 01:05:13.240
too early.

938
01:05:13.240 --> 01:05:21.200
By date 3, 4, and 5, that first month in, people want a definition of the relationship.

939
01:05:21.200 --> 01:05:25.560
Another mistake, people are going to ignore inconsistencies, not consistencies, they're

940
01:05:25.560 --> 01:05:31.800
going to ignore the inconsistencies because they're looking at chemistry.

941
01:05:31.800 --> 01:05:39.000
We're not saying that attraction and chemistry and that like, those things aren't important,

942
01:05:39.000 --> 01:05:46.200
but those are not the things that grow relationships.

943
01:05:46.200 --> 01:05:52.840
Those types of things don't make marriages last.

944
01:05:52.840 --> 01:06:02.480
You're looking for consistency, character, values, morals, alignment, okay?

945
01:06:02.480 --> 01:06:12.080
This is oftentimes when you're emotionally investing way faster than trust has even developed.

946
01:06:12.080 --> 01:06:16.360
Your emotions are developing faster than the trust is.

947
01:06:16.360 --> 01:06:19.320
Let's not do that, ladies.

948
01:06:19.320 --> 01:06:26.760
Some of you are then allowing yourself to answer level 3 exclusivity questions and you're

949
01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:28.760
still in level 2.

950
01:06:28.760 --> 01:06:31.720
We don't want to do that.

951
01:06:31.720 --> 01:06:36.760
Some hard work things that might be happening that God might be revealing is, again, some

952
01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:38.720
more things of control.

953
01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:48.840
You might be noticing that God's revealing fear of loss, people pleasing.

954
01:06:48.840 --> 01:06:55.720
You might have a fear of speaking up, again, that fear of certainty, that like, oh, I just

955
01:06:55.720 --> 01:06:58.480
need, I need to have certainty.

956
01:06:58.480 --> 01:07:06.200
This is often sometimes too where you recognize you really do struggle with trust.

957
01:07:06.200 --> 01:07:14.480
And God also might be revealing you the difference between what is excitement and what's peace,

958
01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:18.080
all right?

959
01:07:18.080 --> 01:07:24.960
There's nothing wrong with being excited, but let's not confuse it with peace, all right?

960
01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:30.360
So instead of asking, how do I keep this relationship moving forward, which obviously we want it

961
01:07:30.360 --> 01:07:35.760
to move forward if we like, we're enjoying ourselves, but that's not where our focus

962
01:07:35.760 --> 01:07:37.120
is.

963
01:07:37.120 --> 01:07:43.440
Our focus is, Lord, are you continuing to reveal things in me that's helping me grow

964
01:07:43.440 --> 01:07:48.760
in my discernment?

965
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:54.240
Because ladies, you don't want to, some of you are all worried about wasting time.

966
01:07:54.240 --> 01:08:05.000
The biggest time killer is ignoring discernment and wisdom and following your feelings and

967
01:08:05.000 --> 01:08:06.000
the chemistry.

968
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:10.680
Kelly, we'll see you later, honey.

969
01:08:10.680 --> 01:08:12.480
Thanks for sharing last week too.

970
01:08:12.520 --> 01:08:16.200
All right, so now let's move into level three.

971
01:08:16.200 --> 01:08:20.060
This is that intentional discernment.

972
01:08:20.060 --> 01:08:22.359
Now you're going to be intentional.

973
01:08:22.359 --> 01:08:29.000
This is where that possibility of exclusivity is going to start coming into play, okay?

974
01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:33.680
This is probably going to be at or around like a three month period or after a handful

975
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:34.760
of dates.

976
01:08:34.760 --> 01:08:38.640
I would say at least after five or six dates, okay?

977
01:08:38.640 --> 01:08:43.080
Really consistency has been established at this point, okay?

978
01:08:43.080 --> 01:08:51.359
You've seen enough consistency and so that exclusivity may come up now, not because the

979
01:08:51.359 --> 01:08:58.319
calendar says it's time, but because there's trust, there's maturity, there's just a mutual

980
01:08:58.319 --> 01:09:05.040
discernment between yourself and the guy that you're getting to know and that's growing.

981
01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:10.800
One thing that I will tell you ladies is that here at Last Year Single, we encourage

982
01:09:10.800 --> 01:09:17.120
that you allow the men to lead that define the relationship conversation.

983
01:09:17.120 --> 01:09:19.600
We want them to lead.

984
01:09:19.600 --> 01:09:22.060
Let men be those leaders, okay?

985
01:09:22.060 --> 01:09:32.279
So your assignment in this stage is you're prayerfully discerning, okay?

986
01:09:32.279 --> 01:09:37.760
What you're not doing is you're not putting pressure on anything, but what you're doing

987
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:46.399
is simply showing up and being, can we build a healthy future together?

988
01:09:46.399 --> 01:09:51.840
One thing I really want to emphasize ladies is just because you've made an exclusive commitment

989
01:09:51.840 --> 01:09:58.920
with one person doesn't always mean it's going to end in marriage.

990
01:09:58.920 --> 01:09:59.920
We have a lot of people that

991
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.320
break up in this phase, or in this stage, in this level.

992
01:10:04.320 --> 01:10:09.760
We have a lot of people that are level three exclusive, they're talking about

993
01:10:09.760 --> 01:10:13.760
engagement, they get into our Symbus course

994
01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:17.440
thinking that, you know, they're going to talk about marriage and engagement

995
01:10:17.440 --> 01:10:21.760
and they realize it's just not going to work

996
01:10:21.760 --> 01:10:28.560
and they break it off and that's okay. We'd rather y'all break up before

997
01:10:28.560 --> 01:10:31.680
marriage than get married and realize,

998
01:10:31.680 --> 01:10:37.280
uh, hold on, I rushed into this. I really, you know, followed the

999
01:10:37.280 --> 01:10:42.960
chemistry and I followed my feelings and now I don't know who this person is.

1000
01:10:43.600 --> 01:10:46.720
Because again, we might be like, I didn't want to waste time.

1001
01:10:46.720 --> 01:10:50.800
Well, now you're gonna waste some time because now you're gonna have to go

1002
01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:55.040
through all the stuff, all right? So things that you're

1003
01:10:55.040 --> 01:10:58.720
going to be gathering about him in this like level three moving towards

1004
01:10:58.720 --> 01:11:02.400
exclusivity or in exclusivity.

1005
01:11:03.280 --> 01:11:08.080
How do they, do they repair conflict in a healthy way?

1006
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:12.480
Do your values align?

1007
01:11:13.280 --> 01:11:21.040
This is when you get to see what does his pursuit of God look like?

1008
01:11:21.040 --> 01:11:24.480
How does that show up in his life?

1009
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:31.120
As you're getting to know him, are you experiencing, is, is,

1010
01:11:31.120 --> 01:11:37.520
is there peace? As you're getting to know him, is there peace? Is he peaceful?

1011
01:11:41.040 --> 01:11:44.800
You're gathering information about his character.

1012
01:11:44.800 --> 01:11:50.880
Can you trust his character? Does he have good intentions?

1013
01:11:51.760 --> 01:11:58.320
Okay. Commitment doesn't create character. It's going to reveal it.

1014
01:11:59.280 --> 01:12:05.280
So again, you might get in a commitment and you might recognize that character

1015
01:12:05.280 --> 01:12:11.280
just isn't there and that's okay to say, okay, it's time to part ways.

1016
01:12:12.240 --> 01:12:18.720
Because you're really wanting to see, does this commitment have like what it

1017
01:12:18.720 --> 01:12:24.400
takes and do I see the character? Do I see the consistency so that when we

1018
01:12:24.400 --> 01:12:30.480
step into engagement and marriage, if that's going to happen, then I can trust

1019
01:12:30.480 --> 01:12:35.840
where God's placing me and I can, I can build trust in this person.

1020
01:12:35.840 --> 01:12:40.320
Okay. So some of the things that you're going to be gathering about yourself is,

1021
01:12:40.320 --> 01:12:44.320
can you communicate honestly without fear?

1022
01:12:46.880 --> 01:12:51.040
It's important that you are able to voice yourself.

1023
01:12:53.280 --> 01:12:58.880
Can you be yourself? Are you free to be yourself? Are you peaceful?

1024
01:12:59.680 --> 01:13:04.560
Can you be yourself? Are you free to be yourself? Are you peaceful?

1025
01:13:07.920 --> 01:13:09.920
This is a, this is another one that I like.

1026
01:13:11.840 --> 01:13:14.880
Can you still trust God even if this relationship doesn't work out?

1027
01:13:19.280 --> 01:13:22.720
That is a really good question to ask yourself when you're in an exclusive relationship.

1028
01:13:22.880 --> 01:13:30.640
That will really help you figure out where your heart posture is.

1029
01:13:33.120 --> 01:13:36.880
What's your idol? What are you worshiping? Are you worshiping God?

1030
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:40.240
Or are you idling a man in marriage and a husband?

1031
01:13:42.640 --> 01:13:43.920
Ooh, that was Holy Spirit right there.

1032
01:13:46.400 --> 01:13:48.800
I didn't even have that in my notes. That just came.

1033
01:13:48.960 --> 01:13:52.000
Are you continuing to invite God into that discernment?

1034
01:13:52.720 --> 01:13:59.360
Is this relationship drawing you into closer intimacy with the Lord, or is it pulling you away?

1035
01:14:00.800 --> 01:14:07.760
These are really good questions to ask once you've gotten into serious committed relationship.

1036
01:14:09.920 --> 01:14:14.960
Okay. So some questions while you're in that state.

1037
01:14:15.120 --> 01:14:18.960
So some questions while you're in that stage.

1038
01:14:20.800 --> 01:14:22.960
This is when you can start asking a person,

1039
01:14:24.960 --> 01:14:29.920
you know, what do you believe marriage is designed to be? What's that?

1040
01:14:29.920 --> 01:14:33.440
What is the design of marriage? What's their view on that?

1041
01:14:38.160 --> 01:14:40.640
What do you hope family life looks like?

1042
01:14:41.360 --> 01:14:44.560
This is when you're going to have those conversations about like,

1043
01:14:44.560 --> 01:14:46.480
for my ladies that are single mamas,

1044
01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:56.480
you're not bringing your kids into this mix until you're closer to level three exclusivity.

1045
01:14:57.760 --> 01:15:08.480
You're not bringing your kids into this mix until you're closer to level three exclusivity.

1046
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.280
You're not introducing your kids, okay?

1047
01:15:02.280 --> 01:15:05.800
And I know for some of you, that's a hard,

1048
01:15:05.800 --> 01:15:09.020
hard, like, hard guardrail to listen to.

1049
01:15:09.980 --> 01:15:12.860
Because some of you want to introduce these guys

1050
01:15:12.860 --> 01:15:15.160
to your kids super early on.

1051
01:15:18.640 --> 01:15:21.520
Y'all, I was really, really thankful

1052
01:15:21.520 --> 01:15:24.120
God convicted my heart not to do that.

1053
01:15:25.120 --> 01:15:29.280
Because my husband did not do that with his kids.

1054
01:15:32.000 --> 01:15:34.800
And so after his wife died, he had a couple

1055
01:15:34.800 --> 01:15:37.180
of relationships that were pretty serious

1056
01:15:37.180 --> 01:15:39.720
that he thought would move to marriage.

1057
01:15:39.720 --> 01:15:41.800
He had his kids introduced to it.

1058
01:15:41.800 --> 01:15:46.720
So my two older kids, they experienced trauma

1059
01:15:46.720 --> 01:15:51.120
of losing their mom, their mom passing.

1060
01:15:51.120 --> 01:15:53.200
And that was hard.

1061
01:15:53.200 --> 01:15:55.640
But then they got introduced to another person

1062
01:15:55.640 --> 01:15:57.800
thinking that person was going to be a constant

1063
01:15:57.800 --> 01:16:00.940
in their life, and then that person went away.

1064
01:16:00.940 --> 01:16:02.960
So not only did they experience loss

1065
01:16:02.960 --> 01:16:06.480
of losing their earthly mother to heaven,

1066
01:16:07.480 --> 01:16:09.200
but then they had to go through loss

1067
01:16:09.200 --> 01:16:13.000
of what these relationships would look like.

1068
01:16:13.000 --> 01:16:15.680
And so now we're in marriage,

1069
01:16:15.680 --> 01:16:17.920
and when we go through some difficult seasons

1070
01:16:17.920 --> 01:16:20.280
in blending our family, believe it or not,

1071
01:16:20.280 --> 01:16:22.560
we go through some difficult seasons.

1072
01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:25.440
I recognize in my two older kids,

1073
01:16:27.040 --> 01:16:32.040
they struggle with some fears of,

1074
01:16:33.360 --> 01:16:35.860
are you gonna stick around, mom?

1075
01:16:35.860 --> 01:16:37.060
Do you love us?

1076
01:16:38.040 --> 01:16:42.760
If you're unhappy with us and we're unhappy with you,

1077
01:16:44.280 --> 01:16:45.600
are you gonna go away?

1078
01:16:46.600 --> 01:16:51.600
So ladies, I say that from my own wisdom.

1079
01:16:52.440 --> 01:16:53.800
Again, I was convicted.

1080
01:16:53.800 --> 01:16:56.720
I was, again, I'm very, very thankful.

1081
01:16:58.260 --> 01:17:03.260
But I wasn't thinking about my significant other

1082
01:17:03.960 --> 01:17:05.920
and what he was walking in relationship.

1083
01:17:05.920 --> 01:17:07.800
And I don't fault him for that.

1084
01:17:08.800 --> 01:17:10.560
I give him so much grace.

1085
01:17:10.560 --> 01:17:13.920
Like there is so much grace and mercy on that

1086
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:15.480
because God's got us.

1087
01:17:16.480 --> 01:17:18.640
God's growing us and healing us in so many areas

1088
01:17:18.640 --> 01:17:21.120
and restoring and redeeming all of that.

1089
01:17:22.200 --> 01:17:25.720
Doesn't mean it's easy, no, but it's worth it.

1090
01:17:28.480 --> 01:17:31.560
So that's why I share that.

1091
01:17:32.640 --> 01:17:35.200
So level three is when you can ask

1092
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:38.360
some of those family questions, okay?

1093
01:17:38.360 --> 01:17:40.560
Like what partnership looks like to you?

1094
01:17:40.560 --> 01:17:44.280
This might even be like some of those financial questions.

1095
01:17:44.280 --> 01:17:45.720
Like that comes up.

1096
01:17:45.720 --> 01:17:47.400
I know that's sometimes like, you know,

1097
01:17:47.400 --> 01:17:49.080
what's that look like?

1098
01:17:49.080 --> 01:17:50.600
You know, maybe if you're long distance,

1099
01:17:50.600 --> 01:17:52.340
who's moving, who's not moving?

1100
01:17:54.160 --> 01:17:55.200
You know, are you gonna move?

1101
01:17:55.200 --> 01:17:57.400
You know, what's that look like?

1102
01:17:57.400 --> 01:17:58.240
Are you gonna work?

1103
01:17:58.240 --> 01:18:00.520
Like, is the woman gonna stay home and work?

1104
01:18:00.520 --> 01:18:02.240
Or like, what's that look like?

1105
01:18:02.240 --> 01:18:03.880
Okay, so some,

1106
01:18:05.600 --> 01:18:10.080
these conversations are going to grow from trust

1107
01:18:10.080 --> 01:18:12.240
that's already been built together.

1108
01:18:12.240 --> 01:18:14.860
You're not asking these questions

1109
01:18:14.860 --> 01:18:16.380
because you don't trust each other.

1110
01:18:16.380 --> 01:18:19.440
You have built trust before you ask these questions.

1111
01:18:19.440 --> 01:18:20.560
So do you see how, ladies,

1112
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:23.000
some of you wanna ask these questions in date one and two

1113
01:18:23.000 --> 01:18:26.480
before trust has actually been established?

1114
01:18:27.740 --> 01:18:30.240
We don't wanna do that, okay?

1115
01:18:30.240 --> 01:18:33.240
So do you see how we're rushing dates one and two

1116
01:18:33.240 --> 01:18:37.040
into what's really something like,

1117
01:18:38.040 --> 01:18:40.120
you know, month three?

1118
01:18:40.120 --> 01:18:44.100
Or dates seven or eight?

1119
01:18:44.100 --> 01:18:46.240
We're not rushing that, okay?

1120
01:18:46.240 --> 01:18:50.380
So some common mistakes is you're rushing exclusivity

1121
01:18:50.380 --> 01:18:52.140
because of emotions.

1122
01:18:53.400 --> 01:18:56.980
You're ignoring unresolved concerns

1123
01:18:56.980 --> 01:18:59.000
because you don't wanna lose the relationship.

1124
01:18:59.000 --> 01:19:01.000
You have a fear of loss.

1125
01:19:03.960 --> 01:19:05.440
You're believing that maybe commitment

1126
01:19:05.440 --> 01:19:06.960
is gonna fix the problem.

1127
01:19:07.800 --> 01:19:09.400
Like maybe there's some problems in the relationship

1128
01:19:09.400 --> 01:19:11.240
and you think, oh, if we just get closer together

1129
01:19:11.240 --> 01:19:13.760
and we're more committed to each other,

1130
01:19:13.760 --> 01:19:15.700
it's gonna fix everything.

1131
01:19:15.700 --> 01:19:18.120
Y'all, I know some of you know

1132
01:19:18.120 --> 01:19:20.440
that there are people out there that think,

1133
01:19:20.440 --> 01:19:22.740
oh, if we just get married,

1134
01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:26.280
our relationship will get better.

1135
01:19:27.480 --> 01:19:31.960
If we just have kids, it'll get better.

1136
01:19:31.960 --> 01:19:34.200
God, please don't do that.

1137
01:19:34.200 --> 01:19:35.400
Yes, there shall.

1138
01:19:35.400 --> 01:19:38.680
Don't bring kids into this, all right?

1139
01:19:38.680 --> 01:19:40.840
Please, all right?

1140
01:19:40.840 --> 01:19:44.640
It's just, that's hard on everybody, all right?

1141
01:19:44.640 --> 01:19:46.920
Some of the heartwork things that are gonna happen,

1142
01:19:46.920 --> 01:19:49.480
because again, heartwork doesn't stop.

1143
01:19:49.480 --> 01:19:51.880
Heartwork doesn't stop in exclusivity

1144
01:19:51.880 --> 01:19:55.040
because heartwork doesn't stop in marriage, all right?

1145
01:19:55.040 --> 01:19:56.040
So when you're in level three

1146
01:19:56.040 --> 01:19:57.440
and you're in that exclusive relationship

1147
01:19:57.440 --> 01:20:00.000
or moving closer to exclusivity,

1148
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.000
God's going to continue to grow your discernment.

1149
01:20:03.000 --> 01:20:07.000
He's going to continue to show you where your peace is, where the wisdom is.

1150
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:12.000
He's going to continue to reveal healthy communication.

1151
01:20:12.000 --> 01:20:17.000
What needs healing in your communication and what is already healed.

1152
01:20:17.000 --> 01:20:21.000
Boundaries. That's a big one.

1153
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:26.000
We have a really amazing teaching video on boundaries.

1154
01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:28.000
That's huge.

1155
01:20:28.000 --> 01:20:32.000
Surrender is still going to grow.

1156
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:33.000
Okay.

1157
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:36.000
And then just trusting His lead.

1158
01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:38.000
And I don't mean trusting the man's lead.

1159
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:42.000
I'm talking trusting God's lead.

1160
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:43.000
Okay.

1161
01:20:43.000 --> 01:20:48.000
So you're not asking, how do I make this relationship work?

1162
01:20:48.000 --> 01:20:54.000
You're going to ask, Lord, am I continuing to walk in peace, wisdom,

1163
01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:59.000
and surrender as you lead me to the next faithful step?

1164
01:20:59.000 --> 01:21:01.000
Okay.

1165
01:21:01.000 --> 01:21:05.000
So I really hope, I know this took way longer than I thought,

1166
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:11.000
but I really hope that this teaching is really resourceful for you ladies.

1167
01:21:11.000 --> 01:21:15.000
As you're stepping into dating.

1168
01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:21.000
And like I said, I'll post some of my own notes.

1169
01:21:22.000 --> 01:21:25.000
I see lots of people that were on camera writing notes.

1170
01:21:25.000 --> 01:21:29.000
So go back and revisit those when you're in dating.

1171
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:31.000
Okay.

1172
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:35.000
Your activation this week, I'll post that later this evening too.

1173
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:38.000
It's just going to be a special delivery for you.

1174
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:40.000
Okay.

1175
01:21:40.000 --> 01:21:43.000
This is an assignment from the author.

1176
01:21:43.000 --> 01:21:46.000
God is the author of your love story.

1177
01:21:46.000 --> 01:21:47.000
Okay.

1178
01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:53.000
So what he's asking for you this week is to walk through that process that we

1179
01:21:53.000 --> 01:21:57.000
discussed at the very beginning of this call, which we talked about.

1180
01:21:57.000 --> 01:22:01.000
Partnering with God, gathering information, staying curious.

1181
01:22:01.000 --> 01:22:02.000
Notice what he's revealing.

1182
01:22:02.000 --> 01:22:04.000
What's the next faithful step?

1183
01:22:04.000 --> 01:22:07.000
Releasing the outcome and then repeat.

1184
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:12.000
And so I want you ladies to come back and report what that was.

1185
01:22:12.000 --> 01:22:15.000
And so you're going to finish this sentence.

1186
01:22:15.000 --> 01:22:20.000
My, this week, my assignment was,

1187
01:22:20.000 --> 01:22:22.000
and then you're going to share what your assignment was.

1188
01:22:22.000 --> 01:22:28.000
So that might be my assignment was to trust instead of control.

1189
01:22:28.000 --> 01:22:36.000
My assignment was to simply enjoy the date.

1190
01:22:36.000 --> 01:22:41.000
My assignment was to update my profile.

1191
01:22:41.000 --> 01:22:43.000
My online dating profile.

1192
01:22:43.000 --> 01:22:49.000
My assignment was to use my voice to make a boundary.

1193
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:52.000
My assignment was to release an outcome.

1194
01:22:52.000 --> 01:22:54.000
It doesn't have to be a dating outcome.

1195
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:56.000
It could be any outcome.

1196
01:22:56.000 --> 01:23:04.000
My assignment was to spend time with Jesus before I'm open to dating.

1197
01:23:04.000 --> 01:23:05.000
Whatever it is.

1198
01:23:05.000 --> 01:23:07.000
Okay.

1199
01:23:07.000 --> 01:23:11.000
I'm going to still release that bonus of like for my creative ladies,

1200
01:23:11.000 --> 01:23:13.000
I want to see creativity.

1201
01:23:13.000 --> 01:23:14.000
I didn't see a whole lot last week.

1202
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:19.000
I know I think Nancy shared a really beautiful collage.

1203
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:21.000
And so I want to see some more of that.

1204
01:23:21.000 --> 01:23:24.000
So you can create this assignment.

1205
01:23:24.000 --> 01:23:27.000
You can write something in a journal.

1206
01:23:27.000 --> 01:23:31.000
You can do a letter and letter it like really beautiful.

1207
01:23:31.000 --> 01:23:33.000
You can create a graphic.

1208
01:23:33.000 --> 01:23:34.000
It can be something on a sticky note.

1209
01:23:34.000 --> 01:23:38.000
Maybe it's something that you post on your Jesus Cares board.

1210
01:23:38.000 --> 01:23:42.000
Maybe it's something that you like a Canva graphic.

1211
01:23:42.000 --> 01:23:47.000
Or something like you create for your phone like a wallpaper on your phone.

1212
01:23:47.000 --> 01:23:50.000
To remind yourself what your assignment was this week.

1213
01:23:50.000 --> 01:23:52.000
Whatever you want to do.

1214
01:23:52.000 --> 01:23:53.000
Okay.

1215
01:23:53.000 --> 01:23:56.000
So I know I didn't leave a whole lot of time for questions.

1216
01:23:56.000 --> 01:24:00.000
But I will stick around for whatever questions we have.

1217
01:24:00.000 --> 01:24:04.000
So don't hesitate to ask questions just because we don't have a lot of time.

1218
01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:06.000
Okay.

1219
01:24:06.000 --> 01:24:10.000
I will get to as many questions as I possibly can.

1220
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:12.000
Right now I just see, okay, I see two.

1221
01:24:12.000 --> 01:24:16.000
I see Sarah Shell has a question.

1222
01:24:16.000 --> 01:24:19.000
I got Catherine, Peggy, Sarah Shell.

1223
01:24:19.000 --> 01:24:20.000
Okay.

1224
01:24:20.000 --> 01:24:21.000
I got three.

1225
01:24:21.000 --> 01:24:28.000
Which if there's no other ones, I think we can get through those three rather quickly.

1226
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:33.000
And then, ladies, please go on the app.

1227
01:24:33.000 --> 01:24:34.000
Share your questions.

1228
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:37.000
Don't just wait for our community calls.

1229
01:24:37.000 --> 01:24:38.000
All right.

1230
01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:40.000
Because some ladies don't always listen to the replays.

1231
01:24:40.000 --> 01:24:42.000
Or they might only listen to part of the replays.

1232
01:24:42.000 --> 01:24:48.000
And a lot of your questions really do help a lot of the ladies in the community.

1233
01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:54.000
And when they're in the app and ladies are checking that out, they are learning and growing.

1234
01:24:54.000 --> 01:24:58.000
And you're releasing hope and encouragement to them as well.

1235
01:24:58.000 --> 01:24:59.000
Okay.

1236
01:24:59.000 --> 01:25:00.000
Catherine, I'm going to take your question.

1237
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.120
question, and then I got Peggy, and then I got Sarah Schell.

1238
01:25:10.560 --> 01:25:15.360
Much on the future. I think my divorce, unfortunately, plays a

1239
01:25:15.400 --> 01:25:18.920
huge part in it. And the fact that I turned 40, I did not like

1240
01:25:18.920 --> 01:25:21.240
turning 40 like this, I did not like turning 40 and being

1241
01:25:21.240 --> 01:25:25.560
divorced. Well, I was I was almost there. finalize, you know

1242
01:25:25.560 --> 01:25:29.760
how it takes in the courts, but then sometime after that. It's

1243
01:25:29.760 --> 01:25:31.960
it's done. And it definitely was done before I met my

1244
01:25:31.960 --> 01:25:35.280
boyfriend, which is good. So is the heart work with a heart work

1245
01:25:35.280 --> 01:25:38.480
was done before I started dating him. So that's good. Yeah, but

1246
01:25:40.560 --> 01:25:44.120
all of that plays a role of, I'm like, Lord, if you could just

1247
01:25:44.120 --> 01:25:46.480
tell me by this date, I'll get engaged by this day, I'll get

1248
01:25:46.480 --> 01:25:51.640
married by this. It's like, and the funny thing is, is I moved

1249
01:25:51.640 --> 01:25:54.720
upstate New York from Long Island, New York, almost a year

1250
01:25:54.720 --> 01:25:59.080
ago, tomorrow's a year. And I wanted God to give me step by

1251
01:25:59.080 --> 01:26:01.680
step by step and not to give me the next step until I was done.

1252
01:26:01.680 --> 01:26:06.240
I was so overwhelmed. But when it comes to this, because I'm so

1253
01:26:06.240 --> 01:26:11.160
afraid, my biggest fear with this is I'm going to have had

1254
01:26:11.160 --> 01:26:13.640
one marriage and it ended in divorce. And that's it and a

1255
01:26:13.640 --> 01:26:17.400
story. And that's not how I want it to end. So because of that

1256
01:26:17.440 --> 01:26:21.640
intense fear behind everything. I'm like, Lord, I just want it

1257
01:26:21.640 --> 01:26:24.960
to be this is my spirit mate. Lord, I just want to get engaged

1258
01:26:24.960 --> 01:26:28.800
in January. Lord, I just want to get married in October of next

1259
01:26:28.800 --> 01:26:32.480
year. This is like my whole timeline thing in my head. And I

1260
01:26:32.480 --> 01:26:36.360
don't know how to just live in the moment. The other problem is

1261
01:26:36.360 --> 01:26:42.520
is I'm both broke. And my son's dad struggled with addictions.

1262
01:26:42.840 --> 01:26:45.680
So because of that, it was deemed we can have the joint

1263
01:26:45.680 --> 01:26:48.000
custody. That was the final thing with the divorce being

1264
01:26:48.000 --> 01:26:53.480
finalized. But he has supervised visits. So it's not like he

1265
01:26:53.480 --> 01:26:56.840
could have helped me do my second job to get out of debt or dates

1266
01:26:56.840 --> 01:27:00.280
or anything. So it's a struggle with I don't really have the

1267
01:27:00.280 --> 01:27:04.480
babysitting. So I didn't necessarily want to introduce

1268
01:27:04.480 --> 01:27:08.320
them early. It's just, yeah, I don't have community. I mean, if

1269
01:27:08.320 --> 01:27:11.720
there's anyone in this community from Norwood, New York, I don't

1270
01:27:11.720 --> 01:27:14.480
have a lot of money, or even lives in Hudson, where he is,

1271
01:27:14.480 --> 01:27:17.880
let me know. But I'm kind of depending on that God just

1272
01:27:17.880 --> 01:27:21.000
provides someone that way. Because, you know, my parents

1273
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:24.840
are doing as much as they can. They're getting older, they got

1274
01:27:24.840 --> 01:27:27.440
a lot of health stuff. And then my dad is full time leading a

1275
01:27:27.440 --> 01:27:30.280
church. You know how that kind of stuff is. So they're doing

1276
01:27:30.280 --> 01:27:32.720
the best they can. But they're definitely more help than what I

1277
01:27:32.720 --> 01:27:36.000
got on Long Island. I was leaving Long Island with I had

1278
01:27:36.000 --> 01:27:39.720
lost all my help. So that was another reason to leave. But

1279
01:27:39.720 --> 01:27:42.920
it's it's all a struggle between you know, the one thing my son's

1280
01:27:42.920 --> 01:27:45.880
dad was right about, I'm always looking for the next best thing.

1281
01:27:46.320 --> 01:27:49.200
And just trying to enjoy each step. I mean, there were things

1282
01:27:49.200 --> 01:27:51.000
he was right about him even trying not to repeat the

1283
01:27:51.000 --> 01:27:56.360
mistakes again that I made with him. But and then there's that I

1284
01:27:56.360 --> 01:27:58.760
have an intense fear of like, I try to be perfect for my

1285
01:27:58.760 --> 01:28:02.840
boyfriend, because I know, I definitely did things wrong with

1286
01:28:02.840 --> 01:28:06.480
my son's dad. And I even definitely did things wrong with

1287
01:28:06.480 --> 01:28:09.640
a guy on Long Island. I dated after him that I never should

1288
01:28:09.640 --> 01:28:12.280
have dated after him. A friend introduced me, I couldn't say

1289
01:28:12.280 --> 01:28:15.280
no. And it was too soon after his dad and I split and then

1290
01:28:15.280 --> 01:28:19.000
that was a whole thing. Breaking that off and everything too. So

1291
01:28:19.040 --> 01:28:20.400
that's kind of what's going on.

1292
01:28:21.000 --> 01:28:24.120
All right. Um, do you have a specific question? Like, do you

1293
01:28:24.120 --> 01:28:27.320
just want some coaching of just like what surfacing like what I

1294
01:28:27.320 --> 01:28:28.160
feel like?

1295
01:28:29.600 --> 01:28:31.840
Like, you know, yeah, definitely. And how to work

1296
01:28:31.840 --> 01:28:36.720
through it. And especially with, you know, just because that's

1297
01:28:36.720 --> 01:28:39.680
this seems to be the week because this was the church

1298
01:28:39.680 --> 01:28:43.520
service that I saw my boyfriend was trust. How do I trust God

1299
01:28:43.760 --> 01:28:47.720
for the future and just do this the step by step the way I

1300
01:28:47.720 --> 01:28:50.320
moved? It was so easy for me to do it with the move from Long

1301
01:28:50.320 --> 01:28:53.680
Island upstate. It's not as easy of Lord, I just I just want to

1302
01:28:53.680 --> 01:28:56.720
get married. I swear I'll be the all the bargaining. I'm like, I

1303
01:28:56.720 --> 01:29:00.120
won't treat him like I'll do this. I guess I get it. I get

1304
01:29:00.120 --> 01:29:06.240
it. Thank you so much for sharing this. And yeah, I like

1305
01:29:06.240 --> 01:29:08.760
I there's so many different things that the Lord is

1306
01:29:08.760 --> 01:29:13.440
highlighting for for me to me, that I think is going to release

1307
01:29:13.440 --> 01:29:16.840
a lot of hope and encouragement, not just for you, but over a lot

1308
01:29:16.840 --> 01:29:20.240
of the ladies here on the call, and in the community. So thank

1309
01:29:20.240 --> 01:29:27.280
you, one for sharing. Just, just for being open to share in a

1310
01:29:27.280 --> 01:29:32.040
place of being honest and real and vulnerable. That's huge.

1311
01:29:32.080 --> 01:29:37.440
Like ladies, like I just, it takes so much courage to do

1312
01:29:37.440 --> 01:29:43.080
that. And I just want to sit in that and honor that for each and

1313
01:29:43.080 --> 01:29:47.520
every one of you that shows up in our community and does that.

1314
01:29:48.640 --> 01:29:53.360
So Catherine, thank you so much for doing that. Um, couple

1315
01:29:53.360 --> 01:29:58.600
things. So I want to celebrate a few things. And I think you and

1316
01:29:58.600 --> 01:30:00.040
I have had some exchanges

1317
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.600
in the app and you've pointed out some areas that you've been able to celebrate and so

1318
01:30:06.400 --> 01:30:13.600
that is one area where I really feel like the Lord wants to highlight is in these areas and

1319
01:30:13.600 --> 01:30:21.040
in these moments of discouragement and the fears that surface God doesn't want us forgetting

1320
01:30:21.680 --> 01:30:29.120
where he's shown up because if he's shown up once he's going to keep showing up again

1321
01:30:29.760 --> 01:30:39.200
and so one thing that I heard you say was there was a blessing in leaving Long Island and coming

1322
01:30:39.200 --> 01:30:47.120
to upstate okay it might not have been easy there might have been some struggles you might be in

1323
01:30:47.120 --> 01:30:55.280
some you know not so great situations currently but I believe that you are much better off now

1324
01:30:56.320 --> 01:31:03.600
than you were then God's bringing you to that promise and there's a process to that

1325
01:31:03.600 --> 01:31:11.280
you're growing you're healing does it mean you're fully like everything is you know you've arrived

1326
01:31:11.280 --> 01:31:19.680
no none of us have ever just really arrived right but you've you've celebrated a lot of success

1327
01:31:20.400 --> 01:31:28.880
and so one thing that I can encourage you with and all the ladies when you sit in those moments of

1328
01:31:29.680 --> 01:31:40.320
how do I trust God you trust God by sitting in the moments of where you know he's already shown up

1329
01:31:42.240 --> 01:31:49.840
sit there recognize that celebrate that the enemy wants us to take our eyes off of where God's worked

1330
01:31:49.840 --> 01:31:57.520
in our life be like no you know what Lord I don't know what this looks like I just want the answer

1331
01:31:57.520 --> 01:32:04.960
right now and I know you're not giving it to me but you you what you are giving me is that you

1332
01:32:05.360 --> 01:32:12.160
are showing me that you have shown up in areas in my life that's how we trust God

1333
01:32:13.680 --> 01:32:23.280
okay I also want to celebrate it's a win that you're recognizing areas that you see you still

1334
01:32:23.280 --> 01:32:30.080
want to heal one thing that came up to me and I really want to um encourage you to spend some

1335
01:32:30.080 --> 01:32:40.640
time with the Lord on this is I heard you say um your son's dad has spoken this

1336
01:32:41.520 --> 01:32:44.080
you're always looking for the next best thing

1337
01:32:47.440 --> 01:32:53.440
and what I've heard you say is that you pick that up as truth as a belief as fact

1338
01:32:54.320 --> 01:33:02.000
I want you to be careful of what you're aligning with what words you are allowing to speak truth

1339
01:33:02.000 --> 01:33:12.720
over your life are you looking for the next best thing or are you partnering with God with the

1340
01:33:12.720 --> 01:33:23.200
promises that he's given you I think I really want aligning with God with the promises he's given me

1341
01:33:23.520 --> 01:33:28.320
because it's not just the marriage it's walking in the gifts it's doing the ministry it's everything

1342
01:33:28.320 --> 01:33:36.000
divine everything even how he provides financial blessings it's everything really yes and you even

1343
01:33:36.000 --> 01:33:40.640
said you said you mentioned ministry and I don't know if you were on the call in the very very

1344
01:33:40.640 --> 01:33:48.480
beginning and I shared um when I was in the season of being single and last year single

1345
01:33:49.200 --> 01:33:54.240
I had a lot of discouragement and now on the other side of it

1346
01:33:55.520 --> 01:33:58.480
I'm able to look at it and be like I counted all joy

1347
01:34:00.640 --> 01:34:03.440
and that's I know that scripture of Paul I counted all joy

1348
01:34:05.520 --> 01:34:11.040
because that's your ministry ladies that's your testimony oh thank you Jesus

1349
01:34:12.000 --> 01:34:16.000
so it doesn't have to be easy it just has to be worth it

1350
01:34:18.160 --> 01:34:26.960
and you are stepping into the promises that he has given you and so we're not going to align with the

1351
01:34:27.520 --> 01:34:33.920
the things that you know the exes and the the enemy wants to sit there and distort and say

1352
01:34:33.920 --> 01:34:38.640
oh you're just looking for the next best thing I would sit there and be like you're right because

1353
01:34:38.880 --> 01:34:46.400
my heavenly father has good things for me I am a daughter to a king you best believe

1354
01:34:46.400 --> 01:34:53.360
I'm going after those promises and those good things you send that enemy right back where he

1355
01:34:53.360 --> 01:34:58.960
belongs and those words from your ex and and again we're not

1356
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.000
We're not fighting flesh and blood. You're not fighting your ex you're fighting the spiritual

1357
01:35:06.880 --> 01:35:08.880
The battle there is a battle

1358
01:35:09.760 --> 01:35:11.760
raging war on

1359
01:35:12.040 --> 01:35:15.240
Those promises that God has for you ladies

1360
01:35:16.200 --> 01:35:18.440
yes from glory to glory and

1361
01:35:19.860 --> 01:35:21.780
So I want you

1362
01:35:21.780 --> 01:35:26.360
Catherine sit in that so I'm I'm just really thankful

1363
01:35:26.920 --> 01:35:32.920
For you coming here and sharing that because I really hope that this will give you the encouragement

1364
01:35:33.240 --> 01:35:37.960
When you get in those moments of I don't know how to trust God. I just want him to give me the answer

1365
01:35:38.360 --> 01:35:44.000
Tell me I want to know I would love for us all to be like, yes God

1366
01:35:44.000 --> 01:35:49.680
Just give us the answer, but you know what? I think it's because God's got something so much greater

1367
01:35:50.600 --> 01:35:53.960
because he's bringing something for the kingdom and

1368
01:35:53.960 --> 01:35:57.360
And the success story that's gonna come

1369
01:35:58.240 --> 01:36:02.880
is gonna be such beautiful testimony that you're gonna be able to share it with others and

1370
01:36:03.840 --> 01:36:05.960
And we're gonna be able to see

1371
01:36:06.680 --> 01:36:08.960
How the enemy was trying to take you out

1372
01:36:11.200 --> 01:36:13.880
But it can't the victories already won

1373
01:36:15.440 --> 01:36:20.920
We align with the blood of Jesus and what he's done on the cross

1374
01:36:21.880 --> 01:36:23.680
And

1375
01:36:23.680 --> 01:36:26.800
That's what we're gonna capture. That's what we're taking hold of

1376
01:36:27.520 --> 01:36:30.600
and so in those moments Catherine

1377
01:36:31.280 --> 01:36:33.280
when it sounds like

1378
01:36:33.560 --> 01:36:39.000
The weight of the heaviness and I get that single motherhood y'all I get it

1379
01:36:39.000 --> 01:36:41.920
And I think there's a lot of women in here that are single mamas

1380
01:36:43.200 --> 01:36:49.640
That is that it can be challenging and it can be very frustrating. I have that similar story where it's like

1381
01:36:50.600 --> 01:36:54.400
I'm doing this on my own. Thanks for the very little help and

1382
01:36:55.040 --> 01:37:00.360
We can get bitter and angry and resentful and angry then we can get mad at ourselves. Like we should have known better

1383
01:37:02.160 --> 01:37:05.240
That's right, that's where we want it like we don't want to stay stuck there

1384
01:37:06.240 --> 01:37:08.680
Cuz God doesn't get the glory there

1385
01:37:09.720 --> 01:37:14.440
He gets the glory because he gets to restore and redeem

1386
01:37:15.160 --> 01:37:17.160
through what he did through Jesus

1387
01:37:18.160 --> 01:37:21.560
And so you're gonna hold on and remember

1388
01:37:22.080 --> 01:37:28.120
what has he already done sit in those moments of celebration and

1389
01:37:28.880 --> 01:37:31.760
I've seen you Catherine over the last several months

1390
01:37:32.600 --> 01:37:34.320
celebrate

1391
01:37:34.320 --> 01:37:36.680
Many of the good things that he's doing in your life

1392
01:37:36.680 --> 01:37:41.560
and I also want to I know you said something like oh the situation that you're in and

1393
01:37:42.080 --> 01:37:47.960
Introducing your boyfriend to your son. I when I was sharing that earlier just know that there's no shame in that

1394
01:37:48.360 --> 01:37:52.000
We all have different walks in different stories in different circumstances

1395
01:37:52.920 --> 01:37:54.160
Okay

1396
01:37:54.160 --> 01:37:58.560
Just like my husband. He had a different story in different circumstance, too

1397
01:37:59.880 --> 01:38:05.160
There was great. I give him grace and mercy and fit like it's okay

1398
01:38:06.160 --> 01:38:12.760
Was it challenging is it challenging for my kids? Yes, but that's nothing that God can't restore

1399
01:38:14.160 --> 01:38:17.000
There's no shame. There's no guilt. There's no condemnation

1400
01:38:17.000 --> 01:38:21.000
I mean, that's something that my husband and I have recently been talking about

1401
01:38:21.600 --> 01:38:27.440
He's you know frequently. He's like, well, I just feel like you think I was a bad parent. I'm like well

1402
01:38:27.440 --> 01:38:29.440
That's just the enemy talking to you

1403
01:38:30.040 --> 01:38:32.040
That's not what a godly wife does

1404
01:38:32.400 --> 01:38:35.080
I'm here. I'm your easer. I'm your help mate

1405
01:38:36.800 --> 01:38:44.160
I'm here to partner with you here shame you we're here to walk together

1406
01:38:46.080 --> 01:38:49.920
You know, I didn't parent perfectly either I still don't

1407
01:38:51.000 --> 01:38:55.360
And I'm like, but we get to do it together and we get to do it in perfectly together

1408
01:38:55.680 --> 01:38:59.580
Because we have a God that is perfect and he walks us through that

1409
01:39:00.420 --> 01:39:02.420
Amen

1410
01:39:03.980 --> 01:39:05.980
Thank you so much Catherine

1411
01:39:06.620 --> 01:39:09.980
And it is so true because you're right like there's a lot of things for me to celebrate

1412
01:39:09.980 --> 01:39:14.180
I mean for one thing I'm alive. I mean, I really had crippling depression from the divorce

1413
01:39:15.180 --> 01:39:18.380
I'm sober from alcohol over. Yes. Yes

1414
01:39:18.420 --> 01:39:23.420
That's a big one and I keep going and even when the enemy tries it's like in the end. I end up not drinking

1415
01:39:23.420 --> 01:39:31.020
I just keep going but you're right even just all of it and I'm very thankful to God for this community because this community is big

1416
01:39:31.740 --> 01:39:36.580
part of that a big one. Thank you Catherine because you are you are

1417
01:39:37.460 --> 01:39:43.540
Frequently coming in the app and you are sharing and getting vulnerable and your story is helping

1418
01:39:43.820 --> 01:39:45.820
So many other women in our community

1419
01:39:46.940 --> 01:39:48.940
So, thank you so much

1420
01:39:49.100 --> 01:39:51.100
So, thank you so much

1421
01:39:51.340 --> 01:39:56.740
All right, Peggy you're next and then I got Sarah show and someday I'm hoping one day

1422
01:39:57.700 --> 01:39:59.700
married

1423
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.360
But yeah, amen. Thank you

1424
01:40:05.440 --> 01:40:11.820
All right, Peggy you're up, how are you I'm doing pink love it. Oh, thank you. I like this shirts new

1425
01:40:14.160 --> 01:40:18.180
My question had to do with our coaching call yesterday

1426
01:40:19.460 --> 01:40:27.200
You had a lot of things that you were saying that I could say to Pat. Yeah

1427
01:40:28.080 --> 01:40:30.080
To kind of

1428
01:40:31.000 --> 01:40:36.120
Because as you remember Pat wanted the next date to be

1429
01:40:37.560 --> 01:40:44.000
With his friends. Yeah, and on the first date and we've only been on one date for everybody to just know that

1430
01:40:45.840 --> 01:40:49.640
You know, he did a lot of sharing I did some sharing and

1431
01:40:50.360 --> 01:40:55.080
He was like trying to drill down on I I've been here. I've been there

1432
01:40:55.680 --> 01:40:57.680
And

1433
01:40:58.920 --> 01:41:01.800
But the main thing that he did was say

1434
01:41:03.680 --> 01:41:06.400
Jenna who is the lady that got us two together?

1435
01:41:07.800 --> 01:41:09.800
Jenna says you're not looking for

1436
01:41:10.840 --> 01:41:12.640
marriage

1437
01:41:12.640 --> 01:41:17.840
So here's and he didn't say this in the next breath, but he said it at a later point

1438
01:41:17.840 --> 01:41:23.000
He just said so my my thing is I'm looking for a friend

1439
01:41:23.480 --> 01:41:25.480
To go

1440
01:41:25.640 --> 01:41:30.400
With me with my friends, you know because he's traveled with his friends

1441
01:41:31.600 --> 01:41:34.360
Which is I think it's cool, you know, I mean

1442
01:41:35.120 --> 01:41:40.680
Yeah, I I don't have as many friends as he does because I'm new to this area

1443
01:41:40.680 --> 01:41:44.400
I've only been here five years and he's been here his whole life and

1444
01:41:45.080 --> 01:41:47.080
so I

1445
01:41:49.240 --> 01:41:51.320
Just sort of need a the

1446
01:41:52.000 --> 01:41:59.600
The fodder for how to text him, I think the Lord will show me but yeah, I'm just what

1447
01:42:04.200 --> 01:42:09.040
I struggled last night with well, I can't really word things like Carla. I

1448
01:42:09.800 --> 01:42:12.380
Here's what I want to say to him. I want to say

1449
01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:20.320
Hey Pat, there's some there's some things in our conversation from Friday that I just kind of need to

1450
01:42:20.960 --> 01:42:22.960
Sort of bounce off of you and

1451
01:42:23.680 --> 01:42:29.920
hear what you have to say and then there's some things that came up in me that I felt like I

1452
01:42:31.200 --> 01:42:39.520
Wished I would have said, you know, and I I have fear I I sensed fear before I went into that

1453
01:42:40.560 --> 01:42:45.120
Date and I sense fear now because I don't really want to

1454
01:42:45.720 --> 01:42:52.160
Look like I'm misleading him, you know what I mean, but it was Jenna that actually misled him

1455
01:42:52.720 --> 01:42:59.720
Yeah, cuz I really I told Jenna I was in last year single and honestly, she runs her own business

1456
01:42:59.920 --> 01:43:05.440
She owns it, you know, she's a very busy lady. She does hair. I mean, I don't think she heard me

1457
01:43:05.440 --> 01:43:09.520
I really don't think she heard and understood what last year single is

1458
01:43:09.920 --> 01:43:16.000
That that the whole point of it is to prepare for marriage it's a very serious thing we're doing here

1459
01:43:16.600 --> 01:43:20.680
You know, I take this super. I mean, I'm so glad for it

1460
01:43:20.680 --> 01:43:27.360
I am just trying to slow walk through this so I don't miss anything that God's trying to bring up in me and

1461
01:43:28.120 --> 01:43:30.120
I

1462
01:43:30.240 --> 01:43:32.640
So I just I feel like

1463
01:43:34.360 --> 01:43:37.120
We might be trying to fast walk

1464
01:43:38.000 --> 01:43:44.080
And that's why I'm glad you said that because this is this is really a great opportunity to kind of

1465
01:43:44.880 --> 01:43:46.680
look at

1466
01:43:46.680 --> 01:43:53.960
This question through the lens that we just talked about. Okay. Yeah what you're experiencing and what ladies what pays?

1467
01:43:54.400 --> 01:44:02.000
Experiencing I guarantee you many of you are going to experience. I experienced it. All right, it's it's real. Okay, it's dating

1468
01:44:02.200 --> 01:44:04.560
All right. Yeah, um, so

1469
01:44:05.440 --> 01:44:07.440
And

1470
01:44:08.160 --> 01:44:11.000
We would love to think that dating is just gonna like

1471
01:44:11.360 --> 01:44:17.840
Magically happen this like perfect way now that we're in this program. But the reality is that yes, there are

1472
01:44:18.600 --> 01:44:20.600
fears that surface and

1473
01:44:20.920 --> 01:44:21.960
so

1474
01:44:21.960 --> 01:44:26.080
This is going to she's going she's had one in-person date

1475
01:44:27.240 --> 01:44:34.160
She's going into a second date. He wants the second date to be with a group of his friends

1476
01:44:35.280 --> 01:44:38.560
she's kind of stuck on some of the

1477
01:44:40.160 --> 01:44:44.560
Words that he used which I understand because there was a misunderstanding

1478
01:44:46.400 --> 01:44:54.080
That the hairdresser friend of the mutual hairdresser of him and her were

1479
01:44:55.200 --> 01:44:59.520
She'd shared with him. Oh, she's not looking for marriage

1480
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.840
and so then later in the conversation he's like well I'm looking for a

1481
01:45:04.840 --> 01:45:08.920
friendship because I go and spend a lot of time with my friends and I feel I

1482
01:45:08.920 --> 01:45:13.960
kind of I'm always the odd man out and I know I don't want to be the odd man out

1483
01:45:13.960 --> 01:45:20.800
I want to have another friend with me okay and so the thing that's funny

1484
01:45:20.800 --> 01:45:26.560
because I have this little thing in my on my mantle it says let your faith be

1485
01:45:26.560 --> 01:45:32.280
bigger than your fear okay and when you're talking about that I even wrote

1486
01:45:32.280 --> 01:45:38.840
curiosity over fear and you then you start sharing about fear and so you're

1487
01:45:38.840 --> 01:45:42.040
like oh you're just this stuff is coming up in me and there's this fear that's

1488
01:45:42.040 --> 01:45:45.720
coming up and I don't have the right words so ladies you see how that fear

1489
01:45:45.720 --> 01:45:50.920
is surfacing she's recognizing this is the heart work stuff ladies this is

1490
01:45:50.920 --> 01:45:54.160
exactly what I talked about the beginning of the call why I think now

1491
01:45:54.160 --> 01:45:58.920
we're starting to walk through the process of what dating looks like now

1492
01:45:58.920 --> 01:46:05.000
that we have the heart work she's recognizing okay there's something

1493
01:46:05.000 --> 01:46:08.960
that's happening in me so now what do I do with it and so that's what we were

1494
01:46:08.960 --> 01:46:14.840
coaching today so she's still in that date one and two she's not going to sit

1495
01:46:14.840 --> 01:46:22.360
here and try to find certainty just yet she's gonna lead with curiosity okay it

1496
01:46:22.360 --> 01:46:29.760
doesn't mean that she can't get the answer eventually she's not going to

1497
01:46:29.760 --> 01:46:39.440
rush to the answer okay because she's recognizing the the the the intensity

1498
01:46:39.440 --> 01:46:45.240
that she's feeling that fear is wanting to lead her to quickly I need certainty

1499
01:46:45.240 --> 01:46:49.280
I need certainty I need to know I need I need to say all of these things and

1500
01:46:49.640 --> 01:46:55.720
really it's only been one date okay and quite frankly it could be just a

1501
01:46:55.720 --> 01:47:01.400
misunderstanding we don't know how he perceived what Jenna said we don't know

1502
01:47:01.400 --> 01:47:07.840
what Jenna said right we don't know what she said right we know what he thinks

1503
01:47:07.840 --> 01:47:16.880
she said and we are assuming what we think he thinks it means you remember

1504
01:47:16.880 --> 01:47:19.960
last night we never finished that I noticed once we got off the call we

1505
01:47:19.960 --> 01:47:25.240
never finished like what do we know and what are we wondering yeah okay we know

1506
01:47:25.240 --> 01:47:32.040
what he thinks Jenna said we don't really know what she said and we don't

1507
01:47:32.040 --> 01:47:38.640
know what he quite honestly is looking for he could be saying he wants a friend

1508
01:47:38.640 --> 01:47:43.560
because he doesn't want to scare you off I think that I've thought of that I

1509
01:47:43.720 --> 01:47:48.960
thought of that because this girl you know I look at his life he's so

1510
01:47:48.960 --> 01:47:54.040
established like you know I mean he spent two weeks in San Antonio with his

1511
01:47:54.040 --> 01:48:00.040
granddaughters which are not biological but they belong to his third wife which

1512
01:48:00.040 --> 01:48:09.240
he described as the love of his life yeah so yeah I mean I just I know instead

1513
01:48:09.240 --> 01:48:16.800
of yep yeah so instead of wanting to kind of oh like you know I'm feeling a

1514
01:48:16.800 --> 01:48:19.320
certain way because now we're gonna leave with feelings and we're gonna get

1515
01:48:19.320 --> 01:48:24.320
all anxious about it and we're like it doesn't mean that you can't communicate

1516
01:48:24.320 --> 01:48:32.280
but we're gonna allow God to kind of reveal some things and we're gonna let

1517
01:48:32.280 --> 01:48:39.800
God remove the fear and we're gonna open up the questions for curiosity so

1518
01:48:39.800 --> 01:48:46.760
help me in and one you're gonna ask him questions like hey so lady she he wants

1519
01:48:46.760 --> 01:48:52.720
the second date to be with friends Peggy still discerning and deciding does she

1520
01:48:52.720 --> 01:48:56.600
want the second date to be with friends or does she want to have another date

1521
01:48:56.600 --> 01:49:01.400
one-on-one before that so I'm not sure what you've decided yet or if you're

1522
01:49:01.400 --> 01:49:04.640
still sitting with that if you want to reach out to me like hey would it be

1523
01:49:04.640 --> 01:49:12.880
okay if we get together for tea or a walk or whatever ice cream or whatever

1524
01:49:12.880 --> 01:49:18.320
okay she's not looking that for like a long date but just something where she

1525
01:49:18.320 --> 01:49:25.200
can sit and have some conversation with him before meeting up with his friends

1526
01:49:25.200 --> 01:49:35.360
for brunch on Sunday after church okay or if you can't then guess what that

1527
01:49:35.360 --> 01:49:40.480
date that second date can get pushed out that meeting your friends can get pushed

1528
01:49:40.480 --> 01:49:48.400
out until there is a one-on-one date for some more one-on-one conversation I

1529
01:49:48.400 --> 01:49:52.720
don't know what you've decided there how you're gonna do that okay but you can be

1530
01:49:52.720 --> 01:49:59.080
like hey would it be okay I think I would like for us to have one more get

1531
01:49:59.080 --> 01:50:01.800
together just

1532
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.640
the two of us to kind of talk and just get to know each other better.

1533
01:50:04.320 --> 01:50:06.120
Okay. Yeah. Okay.

1534
01:50:06.440 --> 01:50:08.160
And you don't have to give all the detail.

1535
01:50:08.200 --> 01:50:11.960
You don't have to give the why's because I'm trying to sort out like what it is

1536
01:50:11.960 --> 01:50:16.000
that you meant. We know inside that's what we're, what we're wanting.

1537
01:50:16.400 --> 01:50:18.720
Yes. He doesn't have to know that. Okay.

1538
01:50:18.800 --> 01:50:21.880
Okay. So if I,

1539
01:50:21.960 --> 01:50:24.720
and my thing is alerting me that I'm low on battery,

1540
01:50:24.720 --> 01:50:26.800
so I'm just going to plug in just a second.

1541
01:50:26.880 --> 01:50:27.720
Okay.

1542
01:50:28.320 --> 01:50:29.040
While you're doing that,

1543
01:50:29.040 --> 01:50:32.640
I'm going to keep talking cause I do still have a Sarah shells question because

1544
01:50:32.640 --> 01:50:36.920
then, then you're going to go into how's that conversation going to play out.

1545
01:50:37.240 --> 01:50:40.360
So this is how you get curious ladies. This is when you'd be like,

1546
01:50:40.560 --> 01:50:44.280
so when you're sitting in having conversation to be like,

1547
01:50:44.640 --> 01:50:47.200
so the last time we talked on our date,

1548
01:50:48.120 --> 01:50:52.680
I recall you telling me that Jenna mentioned to you

1549
01:50:52.880 --> 01:50:56.880
that I wasn't looking for marriage. Um,

1550
01:50:56.920 --> 01:51:01.880
I'm curious about that because I'm actually open

1551
01:51:01.880 --> 01:51:05.880
to marriage. So I'm curious,

1552
01:51:06.000 --> 01:51:08.760
you mentioned that you're just looking for friendship.

1553
01:51:09.320 --> 01:51:13.560
Can you help me understand what that looks like for you?

1554
01:51:15.680 --> 01:51:19.880
And I told Peggy last night, okay. Cause this is her second date.

1555
01:51:19.920 --> 01:51:22.440
And now you all heard me coach that this,

1556
01:51:22.520 --> 01:51:25.840
this would not be one of those questions that you'd ask on a second date.

1557
01:51:26.640 --> 01:51:28.680
But Peggy, do you remember what I talked to you about?

1558
01:51:28.680 --> 01:51:29.920
You want to share with the ladies?

1559
01:51:31.680 --> 01:51:35.960
Well, I hope I'm picking what you want me to share. Um,

1560
01:51:36.160 --> 01:51:38.280
I trust you. I trust that's going to lead you.

1561
01:51:38.320 --> 01:51:41.480
I will share that. I'm 70.

1562
01:51:42.600 --> 01:51:44.280
He is 76.

1563
01:51:44.920 --> 01:51:49.600
It looks different when you get to our age because

1564
01:51:49.840 --> 01:51:54.080
you have so much of life that's not only

1565
01:51:54.120 --> 01:51:58.160
behind you, but it's happening right now.

1566
01:51:58.360 --> 01:52:02.400
We have children, we have, you know,

1567
01:52:02.400 --> 01:52:07.320
an extended community that we belong to our church communities and hit

1568
01:52:07.320 --> 01:52:11.920
for him more friendship communities for me, not less, less so,

1569
01:52:11.960 --> 01:52:16.600
because I'm, I am not, you know, but anyway, that, so,

1570
01:52:16.760 --> 01:52:21.240
yes, what she shared with me was I have,

1571
01:52:21.320 --> 01:52:23.320
because of my age or our ages,

1572
01:52:23.560 --> 01:52:28.200
we have to get down to some stuff that maybe

1573
01:52:28.440 --> 01:52:32.320
people that are younger don't get to this soon.

1574
01:52:33.040 --> 01:52:35.920
Yes. And so that's what I want to emphasize ladies.

1575
01:52:35.920 --> 01:52:39.480
So my ladies that are on this call right now are listening to replay.

1576
01:52:39.520 --> 01:52:41.400
If you're, you're 20, 30 somethings,

1577
01:52:41.400 --> 01:52:44.560
maybe you're even in the early stages of your forties and you haven't, you know,

1578
01:52:44.800 --> 01:52:48.280
you got young kids or you, you are wanting to have kids.

1579
01:52:48.440 --> 01:52:53.120
You might, those questions would wait. Like I shared,

1580
01:52:53.240 --> 01:52:57.480
you'd wait for those questions. But once you get in those, you know,

1581
01:52:57.480 --> 01:52:59.720
seasons of life where, you know,

1582
01:52:59.760 --> 01:53:04.520
you have kids that are older or you've have established

1583
01:53:04.520 --> 01:53:08.880
family and you're in that season of life kids,

1584
01:53:08.920 --> 01:53:11.360
because again, remember it's all about the season of life you're in.

1585
01:53:11.360 --> 01:53:15.200
We always talk about, you know, it doesn't always matter about ages.

1586
01:53:15.440 --> 01:53:19.720
Like, especially when we're dating people, like, Oh, what age should I date?

1587
01:53:19.760 --> 01:53:21.880
You know, should I go five years up, five years down?

1588
01:53:22.280 --> 01:53:26.640
I'm always like date the season of life that you're in. Okay.

1589
01:53:27.920 --> 01:53:31.720
Um, I was in my late thirties,

1590
01:53:32.200 --> 01:53:36.400
but I could date someone in their younger thirties because I had a young son.

1591
01:53:36.720 --> 01:53:40.280
I had my child when he was, you know, when I was in my early thirties,

1592
01:53:40.600 --> 01:53:42.880
I was still wanting more children at the time.

1593
01:53:43.200 --> 01:53:47.880
So I could date someone a little younger than me because they might want more

1594
01:53:47.880 --> 01:53:49.520
children. Okay.

1595
01:53:49.880 --> 01:53:54.440
I had to be mindful if I was dating men that were older than me,

1596
01:53:54.480 --> 01:53:57.280
if they didn't want to have more children. And that's, again,

1597
01:53:57.280 --> 01:54:01.600
that's a story for another day. Cause that's, that's a God story.

1598
01:54:02.560 --> 01:54:06.640
My own testimony, um, with non-negotiables and such,

1599
01:54:06.880 --> 01:54:09.760
but it's about the season of life that you're in.

1600
01:54:09.760 --> 01:54:12.200
And so for my ladies that are like your twenties and thirties,

1601
01:54:12.720 --> 01:54:17.160
I'm not going to encourage those ladies to go sit down and say,

1602
01:54:17.600 --> 01:54:22.280
okay, you said you got the impression that I'm not looking for marriage.

1603
01:54:22.600 --> 01:54:25.280
And I heard you say that you're just looking for friendship.

1604
01:54:26.040 --> 01:54:29.120
Tell me what that looks like for you. Cause I actually am looking for marriage.

1605
01:54:30.480 --> 01:54:35.440
I'm not asking you younger ladies to have that conversation on date too.

1606
01:54:35.880 --> 01:54:40.240
But like Peggy said, she's in a later stage of her life.

1607
01:54:40.840 --> 01:54:45.680
So that's why I told her it's okay for her to ask

1608
01:54:45.680 --> 01:54:48.720
that. So she's going to prompt that question.

1609
01:54:48.720 --> 01:54:52.640
She's going to get his reflection first.

1610
01:54:53.280 --> 01:54:57.080
She's going to be open of, I think we got some,

1611
01:54:57.120 --> 01:54:59.880
there was a misunderstanding. I am.

1612
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.320
actually looking for this,

1613
01:55:01.320 --> 01:55:04.440
but help me understand what that looks like for you.

1614
01:55:04.440 --> 01:55:05.440
Okay.

1615
01:55:05.440 --> 01:55:08.120
But she's still going to stay open and curious

1616
01:55:08.120 --> 01:55:11.120
and look for what does he say?

1617
01:55:11.120 --> 01:55:12.900
And does it match what he does?

1618
01:55:14.080 --> 01:55:15.760
The process doesn't change.

1619
01:55:15.760 --> 01:55:18.320
She's still gonna go through that process.

1620
01:55:18.320 --> 01:55:22.160
She's still gonna go through those stages.

1621
01:55:22.160 --> 01:55:24.160
It just might look a little different.

1622
01:55:26.280 --> 01:55:27.160
Okay?

1623
01:55:27.160 --> 01:55:28.680
Yes, that's very good.

1624
01:55:28.680 --> 01:55:29.520
Thank you.

1625
01:55:29.840 --> 01:55:31.120
Thank you so much.

1626
01:55:31.120 --> 01:55:32.720
All right, Saoirse, you're up.

1627
01:55:34.120 --> 01:55:36.520
Mine's more technical question.

1628
01:55:36.520 --> 01:55:39.240
First of all, what are you asking the creatives to post?

1629
01:55:39.240 --> 01:55:40.880
And second of all,

1630
01:55:40.880 --> 01:55:44.280
can we now with all the upgrades and updates to the app

1631
01:55:44.280 --> 01:55:46.440
post more than one photo at a time

1632
01:55:46.440 --> 01:55:47.740
or are we still stuck with?

1633
01:55:49.200 --> 01:55:50.040
Okay.

1634
01:55:50.040 --> 01:55:53.640
So y'all, I haven't,

1635
01:55:53.640 --> 01:55:55.880
I'm gonna be honest with y'all here.

1636
01:55:55.880 --> 01:55:59.480
I haven't done the recent update

1637
01:56:00.320 --> 01:56:01.160
because when I did that,

1638
01:56:01.160 --> 01:56:05.120
all my admin settings vanished.

1639
01:56:05.120 --> 01:56:06.840
And I'm like terrified.

1640
01:56:07.920 --> 01:56:10.040
Like I even like send in a help ticket.

1641
01:56:10.040 --> 01:56:12.340
I, you know, message admin and I'm like,

1642
01:56:13.800 --> 01:56:14.960
what happened?

1643
01:56:14.960 --> 01:56:16.880
And then I got response.

1644
01:56:16.880 --> 01:56:18.520
Oh, they fixed it

1645
01:56:18.520 --> 01:56:20.800
because they had a small update right after that.

1646
01:56:20.800 --> 01:56:22.080
And I did that.

1647
01:56:22.080 --> 01:56:22.920
And I'm like,

1648
01:56:24.000 --> 01:56:25.000
it didn't fix it.

1649
01:56:25.000 --> 01:56:26.560
Because I do,

1650
01:56:27.320 --> 01:56:30.720
I don't do all my coaching and stuff on my phone.

1651
01:56:31.600 --> 01:56:33.400
I do it on my desktop.

1652
01:56:34.280 --> 01:56:37.040
And so like, that's just works better for me.

1653
01:56:38.120 --> 01:56:41.240
Otherwise I can get distracted by many different things

1654
01:56:41.240 --> 01:56:42.160
if I had on my phone.

1655
01:56:42.160 --> 01:56:43.600
And I, you know,

1656
01:56:43.600 --> 01:56:45.040
I've always got my kids in my ear

1657
01:56:45.040 --> 01:56:46.480
if I have my phone with me,

1658
01:56:46.480 --> 01:56:48.080
but when I'm in front of my computer,

1659
01:56:48.080 --> 01:56:51.280
my kids know mom's working, leave her alone.

1660
01:56:52.480 --> 01:56:53.320
I don't know.

1661
01:56:53.320 --> 01:56:55.000
I don't know.

1662
01:56:55.000 --> 01:56:56.280
I don't know.

1663
01:56:56.840 --> 01:57:01.560
I would probably say it's probably just one photo.

1664
01:57:01.560 --> 01:57:06.360
So if you have to do multiple photos, go for it.

1665
01:57:06.360 --> 01:57:09.640
Like, I don't mind looking at all the things, okay?

1666
01:57:09.640 --> 01:57:12.800
So that's a good question as to like my creatives

1667
01:57:12.800 --> 01:57:14.080
and what I'm looking for.

1668
01:57:14.080 --> 01:57:19.080
So let me go here to my notes so that I get it.

1669
01:57:19.440 --> 01:57:23.920
So you're gonna go through that rhythm, that process, okay?

1670
01:57:23.920 --> 01:57:25.760
Those things that you had shared,

1671
01:57:25.840 --> 01:57:29.280
you helped us take notes with, okay?

1672
01:57:29.280 --> 01:57:32.400
And you're just gonna go to the Lord and be like,

1673
01:57:32.400 --> 01:57:35.240
okay, what's my assignment?

1674
01:57:35.240 --> 01:57:37.200
What's my assignment this week, Lord?

1675
01:57:37.200 --> 01:57:39.560
And you're gonna answer, this week,

1676
01:57:39.560 --> 01:57:43.640
my assignment was what, okay?

1677
01:57:43.640 --> 01:57:45.600
And so I gave some examples.

1678
01:57:45.600 --> 01:57:48.040
It could be, my assignment was to enjoy the date.

1679
01:57:48.040 --> 01:57:50.280
My assignment was to update my profile.

1680
01:57:50.280 --> 01:57:52.400
My assignment was to use my voice.

1681
01:57:52.400 --> 01:57:55.160
My assignment was to set some boundaries at work.

1682
01:57:55.600 --> 01:57:56.760
My assignment was to set boundaries

1683
01:57:56.760 --> 01:57:58.160
with the guy that I'm dating.

1684
01:57:58.160 --> 01:58:01.160
My assignment was to set boundaries with my family.

1685
01:58:03.080 --> 01:58:06.240
My assignment was to release the outcome

1686
01:58:06.240 --> 01:58:09.520
of this situation that I'm dealing with.

1687
01:58:09.520 --> 01:58:12.040
My assignment was to spend some more time with Jesus

1688
01:58:12.040 --> 01:58:14.440
before I step into dating.

1689
01:58:14.440 --> 01:58:16.120
Whatever that looks like for you.

1690
01:58:16.120 --> 01:58:19.880
Everyone's gonna have a different assignment, okay?

1691
01:58:19.880 --> 01:58:24.000
And then, so some of you ladies, you can just share,

1692
01:58:24.000 --> 01:58:27.240
this week, my assignment was, and then just share it, okay?

1693
01:58:27.240 --> 01:58:32.240
Now, my creatives, you get to create.

1694
01:58:32.880 --> 01:58:35.280
What does that look like for you?

1695
01:58:35.280 --> 01:58:37.360
Do you wanna paint something?

1696
01:58:37.360 --> 01:58:39.360
Do you want to journal something?

1697
01:58:39.360 --> 01:58:41.800
Do you wanna write a letter and have it beautiful?

1698
01:58:41.800 --> 01:58:46.000
I know a lot of people do a lot of Bible journaling.

1699
01:58:46.000 --> 01:58:50.280
I love to do lots of handwriting.

1700
01:58:51.160 --> 01:58:54.240
When I journal, my daughter's always like,

1701
01:58:54.240 --> 01:58:56.760
your handwriting is so beautiful, how do you do it?

1702
01:58:56.760 --> 01:59:00.240
And I'm like, I just do, and I just doodle.

1703
01:59:00.240 --> 01:59:01.240
That's how I doodle.

1704
01:59:02.440 --> 01:59:04.600
You can make a graphic.

1705
01:59:05.480 --> 01:59:07.480
Some people like to use Canva.

1706
01:59:08.360 --> 01:59:10.800
Canva's a really good resource.

1707
01:59:10.800 --> 01:59:15.480
I mean, back in the day when I was in my teens and 20s,

1708
01:59:15.480 --> 01:59:18.200
we used PowerPoint, okay?

1709
01:59:18.520 --> 01:59:23.520
Now, it's like, these kids have all the technology

1710
01:59:23.680 --> 01:59:26.520
to create these beautiful graphics.

1711
01:59:26.520 --> 01:59:28.800
I'm still learning how to do that.

1712
01:59:28.800 --> 01:59:31.240
My kids have to show me a lot of these things.

1713
01:59:31.240 --> 01:59:33.640
So you might wanna create a graphic

1714
01:59:33.640 --> 01:59:38.600
or a photo that you can upload on your phone.

1715
01:59:38.600 --> 01:59:41.360
So that could be the wallpaper on your phone

1716
01:59:41.360 --> 01:59:45.320
or on the screen of your computer.

1717
01:59:45.320 --> 01:59:48.760
Whatever it is that just speaks to you

1718
01:59:48.760 --> 01:59:50.000
that your assignment was,

1719
01:59:50.000 --> 01:59:52.720
what is God telling you your assignment is?

1720
01:59:52.720 --> 01:59:55.880
And it could be just like a sticky note.

1721
01:59:55.880 --> 01:59:57.960
And you could put that sticky note up on the mirror

1722
01:59:57.960 --> 01:59:58.800
and be like, you know what?

1723
01:59:58.800 --> 02:00:00.760
This was my assignment to look in the mirror.

1724
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.000
here every day and say this to myself,

1725
02:00:03.000 --> 02:00:04.680
and this is what I'm doing.

1726
02:00:06.040 --> 02:00:08.560
So whatever that looks like, it could be a photo,

1727
02:00:08.560 --> 02:00:11.400
it could be, if you are a photographer,

1728
02:00:11.400 --> 02:00:14.240
if there's just a certain thing that you're walking

1729
02:00:14.240 --> 02:00:16.480
and you see and it represents something

1730
02:00:16.480 --> 02:00:19.840
that you feel like God has given you that assignment,

1731
02:00:19.840 --> 02:00:22.400
you can share that, okay?

1732
02:00:22.400 --> 02:00:23.240
Does that help?

1733
02:00:24.320 --> 02:00:28.800
Awesome, I'm excited to see what y'all create.

1734
02:00:28.800 --> 02:00:33.800
I loved Nancy's collage that she shared with us,

1735
02:00:34.400 --> 02:00:36.800
so it was really, really good, okay.

1736
02:00:36.800 --> 02:00:39.200
All right, ladies, thanks for sticking out

1737
02:00:39.200 --> 02:00:41.160
these extra 30 minutes with me.

1738
02:00:41.160 --> 02:00:43.320
I really do appreciate it.

1739
02:00:44.440 --> 02:00:48.080
So let's go ahead and I'm gonna pray a closing prayer

1740
02:00:48.080 --> 02:00:51.400
and then I'll let you ladies go

1741
02:00:51.400 --> 02:00:54.240
and then I'll post the activation later tonight.

1742
02:00:54.240 --> 02:00:58.920
I'll get my coach's notes up within the next day or two.

1743
02:00:58.920 --> 02:00:59.960
All right, so Heavenly Father,

1744
02:00:59.960 --> 02:01:04.960
I just thank you for the call today, Lord.

1745
02:01:05.120 --> 02:01:08.960
Thank you for the healing that you're forming in our hearts

1746
02:01:08.960 --> 02:01:12.520
that we're no longer here to rush outcomes, Father.

1747
02:01:13.960 --> 02:01:18.960
Lord, that you never asked us to figure out the whole story,

1748
02:01:19.440 --> 02:01:21.240
but just to partner with you

1749
02:01:22.120 --> 02:01:24.600
and just to take the next faithful step

1750
02:01:24.600 --> 02:01:26.200
and that we don't have to,

1751
02:01:28.840 --> 02:01:33.840
we don't have to be afraid of making a step

1752
02:01:34.120 --> 02:01:35.520
and it not being the right step

1753
02:01:35.520 --> 02:01:39.400
because we trust that you're gonna guide and direct us, Lord.

1754
02:01:40.720 --> 02:01:42.360
Lord, I thank you that you,

1755
02:01:43.840 --> 02:01:47.000
your heart is just to simply invite us

1756
02:01:47.000 --> 02:01:49.280
with this invitation and opportunity

1757
02:01:49.280 --> 02:01:50.320
just to partner with you.

1758
02:01:50.600 --> 02:01:52.720
You just wanna spend time with us.

1759
02:01:53.800 --> 02:01:58.360
You just want us to commune with you

1760
02:01:58.360 --> 02:02:00.480
and have relationship with you.

1761
02:02:01.400 --> 02:02:04.520
So Lord, I just ask that this week

1762
02:02:04.520 --> 02:02:08.360
you help each one of these ladies recognize the assignment

1763
02:02:08.360 --> 02:02:12.680
that you have placed in this season of their life, Lord.

1764
02:02:14.200 --> 02:02:18.120
Lord, I ask that you just guard them from any comparison

1765
02:02:18.120 --> 02:02:19.800
while they're on this journey.

1766
02:02:20.760 --> 02:02:23.800
Lord, I ask that you just remind them

1767
02:02:23.800 --> 02:02:27.720
that the story that you have written for them

1768
02:02:27.720 --> 02:02:29.920
is specifically for them.

1769
02:02:32.360 --> 02:02:36.720
Lord, just continue to give them courage to remain curious,

1770
02:02:36.720 --> 02:02:39.040
the peace to release outcomes,

1771
02:02:40.440 --> 02:02:43.880
and just patience to gather the information that's needed.

1772
02:02:45.120 --> 02:02:48.400
Lord, help the ladies to remember that discovery dating

1773
02:02:48.480 --> 02:02:53.480
another person and figuring out this person's my husband,

1774
02:02:53.880 --> 02:02:58.880
but that it's more about discovering who you are

1775
02:03:01.200 --> 02:03:05.280
and your faithfulness to deliver your promises.

1776
02:03:06.400 --> 02:03:08.840
Lord, we thank you for your wisdom.

1777
02:03:08.840 --> 02:03:10.000
We thank you for the work

1778
02:03:10.000 --> 02:03:13.280
that you're continuing to do in our hearts.

1779
02:03:13.280 --> 02:03:17.360
And we continue to trust you with the stories

1780
02:03:17.360 --> 02:03:19.200
that you are a good father,

1781
02:03:19.200 --> 02:03:22.720
that you write the best happily ever afters,

1782
02:03:22.720 --> 02:03:24.920
and that every one of the stories

1783
02:03:24.920 --> 02:03:26.880
that are represented on this call,

1784
02:03:26.880 --> 02:03:29.760
and in this replay, and in this community

1785
02:03:29.760 --> 02:03:32.420
has a beautiful ending.

1786
02:03:32.420 --> 02:03:36.400
And we thank you in Jesus' name, amen.

1787
02:03:36.400 --> 02:03:38.720
Happy Tuesday, ladies.

1788
02:03:38.720 --> 02:03:41.600
We'll see you this week in the app.

1789
02:03:41.600 --> 02:03:42.520
Take care.