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Now, I was supposed to be, we was at Dallas, let's talk about it, what happened?

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You said you was coming to Dallas and you was going to message me so we could go out

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to dinner.

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Oh, I'm coming to Dallas and I'm going to message you so we can come to dinner.

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I'm going to pick Tiffany up and we're going to come on up the road, okay?

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Tiffany said, yes, she'll keep me on it.

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We coming up the road to Dallas.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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I was waiting for you all summer.

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I was like, what happened?

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And I thought I had missed you or something because I was like, okay, well.

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When the school year got through with me this year, it just threw me to the curb.

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I ain't go nowhere.

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Me and you both.

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Yes, it was something.

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It was something starting back, I forgot all about it, how it works.

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It's so good to see you, Haley, and Kody, and Lisa, and Jen, and Karen, and Lisa.

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You know, it's challenging when I start naming one person, I feel like I got to name everybody.

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Chantella and Chrissy and Valise is the only way I know how to say your name.

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I don't know what to do.

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It's Evalise.

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Evalise.

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Great.

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There you go.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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And Renee.

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And Mika's in the house.

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No, we need some updates from Mika, honey.

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Uh-huh.

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And Cherish, it's so good to see you, ladies.

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I hope I called everybody.

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If I didn't, it has nothing to do with you.

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It's everything to do with me and Rhonda.

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And so, ladies, I'm excited about tonight.

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I want to go ahead and just juice you up full of faith by way of prayer.

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And father, I thank you for these ladies.

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I see Karen in the house.

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I thank you for them.

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I thank you for their journey.

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I thank you for this journey.

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I thank you for this journey.

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I thank you for this journey.

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I thank you for this journey.

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When they know the one who picks the man who will be the one that births those things

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inside of them that they never knew exists.

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Oh, what a God we serve.

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When they know the father who selects the son that will take his daughter hand in hand,

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and he trusts this man to do well by his daughter.

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I thank you for the opportunity they get to walk this way with you.

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And so, father God, I bless you.

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I thank you because you were the one that created marriage, and because you're the one

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created marriage, and you're our father, I have no doubt in my mind that you're going

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to give us the best, that you're going to give us the best that the land has to offer.

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And so, we thank you for it on tonight.

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We thank you that our father is the one who does the selecting, and we are excited about

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it.

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So, as any good father does, you equip us, you prepare us, and you get us ready for the

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things that are to come.

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Because though we may feel like we're in the wilderness, the promised land is just

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around the corner.

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And we thank you for it now, in Jesus name, amen, amen, amen.

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I have made myself happy.

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I'm excited.

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I want you ladies to always remember that you are not next, you are now.

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You are not tomorrow, you are today, and that's for every area of your life.

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Whatever that thing is you think God keeps passing you by, whatever you think, it doesn't

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happen for you.

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It is not true.

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When the Lord is blessing your neighbor, he is in your neighborhood, and he is on the

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way.

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Every time you see somebody walking into the thing that God has told you to be, or what

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you believe in God for, you better take that as a sign.

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Not because they name rhyme with something, not because y'all got the same birthday, and

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none of that, that ain't the sign.

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The sign is when you see it happening to somebody in front of your eyes, the Lord is coming

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near to you.

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He's letting you know it's on the way.

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You take it as his favor to you, as a kiss from him to you, that you see it right there,

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it's coming to you next.

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And so he's so good, and he's so kind, he puts it in front of your eyes so that you

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won't lose hope, that you'll grab it and say, oh yes, I see it.

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He keeps giving you the vision over and over, everywhere you turn, somebody's getting a

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baby.

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Everywhere you turn, somebody's getting married.

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Everywhere you turn, somebody's getting a promotion.

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Who but a God like the God that we serve will put it in front of your eyes so that you could

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grab hold of it and be filled with faith that you need to carry to the other side.

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So be encouraged because God is on the move and he is in your neighborhood.

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All right?

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All right.

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All right.

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So, we're excited.

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I wonder if you ladies have been having a good week or a good weekend.

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There are no announcements.

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We are excited.

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for all of y'all. We're excited for y'all because we get to look in the

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community and we see the things you post and we see how you're growing and we try

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to make it our business to always applaud you for that. You know, this

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journey is a faith journey. Don't forget that. So if it feels hard, it's because

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faith journeys are challenging. Faith journeys challenge us. They grow us. I don't know why I keep getting that

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feedback. They grow us. They change us. They challenge us. They develop us. And

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when we forget that this is a faith journey, that's when we start to believe

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something's not gonna happen for me. That's when we start to believe this is

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so hard and so challenging and you take it personally. But when you remember that

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I'm walking by faith and not by sight, when you remember that you're on a faith

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journey, literally, you decide to partner with God for your spouse. You said you

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can't do it on your own because if you could, trust me, you would not take this

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route. You would probably do it on your own. So you said, I'm gonna have to believe God for it.

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I'm just gonna have to walk with him. He's like, you ain't said nothing but a word. I've

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been wanting to develop some stuff in you for a long time. Let's get it done. I've been

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wanting to deliver you from that brokenness that happened to you in your

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childhood. Let's get it done because I know you ain't gonna stop wanting no man. So

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hey, if you quit and come back, you're gonna quit and come back, you're gonna quit

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and come back because you want yourself a husband and won't nothing keep you at

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the feet of Jesus, like wanting a husband. Another thing that won't keep you at the feet of Jesus, if you

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go pick a joker, they keep you at the feet of Jesus. So that means we want to

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keep you at the feet of Jesus on this side of town. So you won't be at his feet

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on the other side of town for no foolishness, okay? Because you're gonna be

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there anyway because marriage is gonna stretch you, baby, shape you, turn you inside out.

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It's gonna be like them women, when they have a baby, after that baby comes, they say, I

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used to have a body, but when I had this baby, it messed me up. Everything dropped,

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go left, right, turn inside out. It's just kind of how this thing works. So anyway,

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nevertheless, I'm excited. Now let's talk about your assignment that you had last

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time. And we were talking about, I think the assignment was any challenges that

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you may experience and what you feel like the Lord was revealing to you. That

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was not the assignment, was it? It sounds like it was the assignment before the

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assignment. So how about we just answer this question right here. Where do you

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currently feel like you are? Like this question right here. Where do you

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currently feel like you are? Like, do you feel like in this season, you're

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preparing to date? Do you feel like in this season, your first couple of dates?

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Do you feel like you are currently getting to know someone? Do you feel like

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you're intentionally discerning a relationship? Do you feel like you are in

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your self-improvement time? Do you feel like you're working on some inner things?

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Now, hard work is forever. So that's just a part of life, right? There is the

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maintenance of the heart. There's the guarding of the heart. And so I know we

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feel like we're doing hard work. You can include hard work, but I also want you to

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include where do you feel like you really, really are right now, right? It

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could be I feel like I want a date, but I'm scared to get back out there. I feel

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like I'm tired. I'm taking a break. I don't know. But you can drop it in the

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chat or you can unmute and tell us where do you feel like you currently are right

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now. Preparing for first introductions in a few weeks. Oh, you got a date in a few

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weeks, Lisa.

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I normally don't share. It's a, oh, yeah. It's a introduction. Actually, someone I

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know is going to introduce me to someone she knows. So, um, yeah, it's in two weeks.

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In two weeks. It'll be the first thing I've ever done since I've been in this

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community. You know, I'm just, you know, in this community, but I have not dated in

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decades. So it's huge. Oh, wow. Yeah, we're excited for you. Thank you. Thank

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you. Yeah, have fun. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Well, you know, fun is dependent on

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you. So have fun.

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I am preparing. Because when this when this, it's a special person that

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connected, you know, that's making the connection, I was honored that they even

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thought of me. And when I got the text, I did that head swirl. And then I was so

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glad for this community because it this happened about a week ago. And I'm not

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thinking, Oh, this is it.

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this is it you know but i i'm and i'm not googling the person's name i was told the

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person's name and i'm not doing any of that i'm letting the lord do it all and um

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my mother always taught me the glass is half full she's been gone to be with the lord but

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what i do know is whatever comes out of this it's going to be for the benefit of me

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i'm going to learn from it um yeah yeah give me one second let me uh

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i want to hear what you were saying you'll have to unmute after i'm you

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lease yeah okay go ahead lisa yeah so i was just saying um i'm a little nervous um but

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i'm gonna let the the lord you know lead me guide me and um whatever comes of it i know

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there's a benefit for me there's always something good in everything even if you know i'll learn

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something about myself like you will show you know tell us in this community i'm dating to

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discover yeah that's so good i'm excited for you thank you thank you yeah and i'm so glad

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someone thought of you that always feels safer yeah it's um it's true what jackie you know is

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taught in the in the book like you know i did a book club a couple you know about a month ago

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and all and it's so true that community and it came out of the blue out of the text came out

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this woman knew i was looking and um she's known the gentleman for 35 years and um so i'm just

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honored that you know she knows enough of me to to make this introduction yeah that's awesome

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we're excited now if i could just so i have decided i hadn't set up a dating but like a

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i hadn't chosen a website and all that and i'm not thinking this is the man or whatever but i'm

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i'm just not feeling inclined to do that before this introduction okay were you feeling inclined

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to do the dating app before this came out of the blue last week no i was thinking about it but not

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i wasn't i i've been taking my time okay so then ideally i wouldn't attach this to you doing dating

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app you already were not wanting to do the dating app and sometimes if we unknowingly attach we'll

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think it's speaking something to us ah that's good okay so you weren't gonna do that you didn't

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want to do it before then and now you would rather wait but guess what it doesn't have to be any

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spiritual attachment to that for you to say this this is your thing you do it how you want to and

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it doesn't have to have a deep meaning to it it's like okay i didn't want to do dating apps anyway

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so i got this text i'ma check this out first and then if this doesn't move something then i will

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go back on my path to considering the dating app like that's totally fine lisa because ladies when

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you keep it like that you uh unconsciously you'll start putting weight on something that didn't

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have weight do because you feel like you're justified but you don't

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you know everybody wants the amazon package

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this it doesn't make it's normal so like i can say if he knocked on my door and say yep

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i'm the one i'd be like hallelujah but so it's okay you're good don't you worry

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thank you everybody that's good you're welcome okay so some of our ladies i see somebody said

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they tired of the same old thing come on tell it um some people said that they're ready to date and

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starting today preparing to be a wife and a homemaker also struggling with my unbelief

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um taking an online break notice my capacity taking with learning a new job and adjusting

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it's true as well as my mom having more cancer symptoms i'm so sorry about that uh karen well

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uh i want to pray for your mom let me pray for your mom now are you okay with that karen

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i can't see you on my screen so if you were yes please okay and has she been diagnosed yeah um

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two and a half years ago she was doing really well but lately she's been um bleeding out of

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places that you're not supposed to bleed okay and are you guys in along with her believing

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god for healing yes um i have prayed over horror and with her um we're supposed to go to ireland

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in a week and a half so i'm praying that she just is able to enjoy that and not have pain right now

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one of her fingers is completely swollen she can't bend it and it's like throbbing pain

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okay any other she can experience any other pain anywhere else

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um she has some sort of vaginal infection that they can't

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can't figure out and she's bleeding.

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She's 72.

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You don't bleed out of there at 72.

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Right.

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So she, it's a blood cancer.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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If any of you guys know anybody

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who's been healed of cancer as I pray,

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I just want you to declare God, do it again.

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Father God, we thank you for this opportunity

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to come together on one accord,

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to come together as a community.

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Lord God, you said we're two or three agree

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and on anything, it should be established in your name.

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And so we come together in agreement

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as one body with one sound and one mind,

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believing the word that says by your stripes, we were healed.

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We believe your word that says you reign on the just

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as well as the unjust, oh God.

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We believe your word that says that you are good.

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We believe you when you said that you honor your word

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above your own name.

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We believe you on today, oh God,

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that we're healing in Cameron's mother's body.

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And so we speak to that body.

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We say body be healed in the name of Jesus.

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We say inflammation, leave the body now in the name of Jesus.

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We tell every cell to line up and come in order

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in the way that God has designed you to be in order.

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Father God, we thank you for peace ruling

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and reigning in her body because of a God

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who so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son.

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I thank you now, Father God,

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that the blood of Jesus is sufficient for her body,

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that the blood of Jesus is sufficient for her healing.

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So I speak grace over her mind.

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I speak grace over her nervous system.

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I speak grace over every organ in her body.

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And I say, be healed now in the name of Jesus.

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I speak peace to her family right now in the name of Jesus.

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Knowing that there's a God who is the alpha

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and the omega all at the same time,

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means he knew the beginning and the end at the same time.

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He's the God of the middle.

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He's seen these days that are before them, Lord God.

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And so I declare that an undeniable trust

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shall come over them, an unshakable, an unmovable trust,

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that they will be like Zerubbabel in the scriptures

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that says, who are you, O great mountain,

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that you shall not bow low?

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I declare that every title under the name of heaven

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shall bow at the name of Jesus.

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This includes Jesus, and so I thank you now

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for being the only God that can save,

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that can heal, and that can deliver,

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and you've never stopped doing it.

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So I say, do it again the same way you did it

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for my first wife.

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I said, do it again the same way you did it

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for my friend, Erica.

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I said, do it again the same way you did it for my auntie.

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I say, do it again, God.

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You are the God who's already healed,

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and you don't have a problem with healing.

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So we say, do it again.

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Thank you for it.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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Amen.

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Thank you, Jesus.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, thank you, Jesus.

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Keep us updated.

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I'm gonna continue praying for your mother.

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What's her name?

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Jan.

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Yes, thank you.

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Of course, it's a privilege.

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Thank you for sharing.

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It's such an honor to stand with you

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and stand with your mother and contend for her healing.

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Yeah, what a mighty God we serve.

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We're one family.

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We do.

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Yeah.

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All right, thank you, ladies.

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Thank you all so much for agreeing with us and praying.

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Such a privilege.

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All right, let's see.

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Trying to stay in the game.

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Some days I'm hoping, others lacking that hope.

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I'm tired of dating ads.

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Come on, Joe, to tell the story.

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You ain't by yourself.

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Going back to intense hard work and discerning.

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That's good.

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Preparing to date I haven't dated in several years.

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Oh, Chantella, it's so exciting.

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I did my profile chatting with three guys

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and went on two dates.

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Come on, Amy Gross, you better do that thing, honey.

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Let's see.

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Work has been so hectic that I've been on pause.

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Okay, I understand that.

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Same boat, says Karen.

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All right, don't stay in that boat too long

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for you know you've been at work five years away.

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Still talking about a husband, man.

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Don't work too hectic.

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All right, so I know when work get hectic,

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but don't let it go too far, all right, ladies?

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Meet us working ladies.

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Even in the midst of working,

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you can take a week out for your wedding, all right?

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Okay.

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Currently getting to know someone

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going on a second date Saturday.

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I'm just messing with y'all, just a little nudge.

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Ready to date and starting to date.

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Preparing to be, yeah, I like what you said here

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about preparing to be a wife and a homemaker.

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And you're also struggling with your unbelief.

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I understand that.

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Rachel, it's been a while.

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Has work also kept you away from us?

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Give me your boss's number, we not gonna have it.

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Give me the number, I gotta call him.

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All right.

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So yeah, thank you so much ladies

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for joining in and sharing.

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Now, the next one is, and I gotta speed up.

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The next one is,

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what do you think your assignment is in this season?

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What do you think your assignment?

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it is. That's good, Karen. That's good what you just posted. What do you think your assignment

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is in this season? You feel like you're somewhere, but what do you think is your assignment?

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What have you, I don't know. That's a good answer. Growing the intimacy with God to the

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point that I trust He's playing fully. Okay. Be open to what God is showing me to work

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on my self-confidence. Trying to have faithful God has for me from day to day. Okay. Make

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room for communion with Jesus. That's good. Prepare to be a wife and homemaker. Okay.

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Writing a book. Come on, ladies. Learning myself and growing with my relationship with

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Him first. Trusting and surrendering to God. Finding work ways to combat debt and be debt

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free. Come on, maybe, not sure really. All right. Learn to trust God instead of anything

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I'm walking out. Yes. Learn to balance life and dating while keeping Papa first. Okay.

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I like this. What was the question? Sarah out of SoCal, South Cal. The question was,

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what do you believe your assignment is in this season? Catching lies and come on, catch

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them lies and change them. All right, Roper. The question is, what do you believe your

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assignment is in this season? Not allow space to date. Now, no. Allow space to date and

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apply the things I've learned in this program. Not string men along and be honest. Oh, wow.

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That's good. Allow space to date and apply the things I've learned. These are also good.

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One thing about understanding where you currently are and then having a good eye

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view on what you feel like your assignment is in this season. If you feel like your

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assignment is in a place in this season, then you need strategy to fulfill the assignment.

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For whatever you're doing, if you have an assignment, you should also have an accompanying

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strategy. You should have a plan that's associated with it. I'll take one of the

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simpler ones that we read. All of them are simple. Or somebody just said investment or

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getting out of debt. So I feel like my assignment is getting out of debt. Now, you know, if you

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want to get out of debt, you definitely have to have a plan. You have to tell your money

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where to go and you have to make it go there. Right. Because in order to get out of debt,

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you literally have to have a plan. Other than that, it's just a desire. So for everything

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you ladies put, unless you put I don't know, but even I don't know has a plan. The plan

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for I don't know would look like I am going to take a scripture and work that scripture

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until I know. Because the Bible says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not

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to your own understanding, all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path.

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So when you say I have an assignment, I really don't know what it is. Well, he's waiting

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to direct your path. And so how do I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not

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to my own understanding? Okay. What ways have I been leaning to my own understanding? Okay.

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And I write those ways down. These ways I'm going to trust in the Lord. How would I trust

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in the Lord in this? And then you write down what it would look like. That's the plan.

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Because you can say, I'll just trust God. But what does trusting God really look like?

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Not to worry. Well, what does not worrying look like? It looks like every thought that

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comes up that exalts itself against the power of the truth and the knowledge of God. I take

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it and I hold it captive. I pull it down and I replace it. And I think on these things

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that are true, that are praiseworthy and that have a good report. And I'm going to work

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this one thing so long until I get an assignment. I'm going to work this thing so long until

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I can see my way out of this. Because if you think on those things that are true, that

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are praiseworthy and have a good report, there is no way you can't be grateful. And there's

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no way you will miss the hand of God. And so for every assignment that you ladies posted,

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my encouragement will be to you to do, if you haven't done it, not saying that you have

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or you haven't, you haven't. Get you a plan. You don't need anything elaborate. You just

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need something to the point that you can work. You won't work with those stuff. Not something

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that's two pages long and then you don't come back to it anymore. It was good work, but

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it's too long for you to work it. You need stuff you can work with the breath, with your

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mouth that you open up your mouth and say it and it's done in one minute. Have you ever

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decided you're going to say declarations and no matter how small they are, after three

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days you give up? Who's done that? I literally do it all the time. I'm going to declare who

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I am and by one week I'll be saying, whatever happened to that paper I was declaring from?

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Then I'm going to write it on my board so I can't miss it. But it literally does take

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a level of commitment to see these things through. And so my rule is always keep it

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short and sweet and to the point. A truth that will transform you as you hear yourself.

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self said. Okay. And so now where are we going with this? And I'm going to go there fast

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so we can start doing some, some live coaching. Um, we, most of the time in discovery dating,

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how do we discover what is the assignment for the particular season? Does the Lord simply

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tell us that is a really good question. I think that we discover our assignment for

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the particular season first by evaluating what's going on around me. And so one of the

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questions I was asked, I would ask the Lord is father, where would you like my attention?

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And I think you should write that down because that's really good. I'm not bragging. I really

402
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do think this is from the Holy spirit. Please write that down. I feel so good. I forgot

403
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what I said. Thank you, Karen. Father, where would you like my attention? And when you

404
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.600
start saying, where would you like my attention? You can't help but notice what is taking your

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attention. And so then you can ask the question, if you can't tell where is my attention, what

406
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is taking my attention? You'll start to notice not saying you do this, but if I don't watch

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myself, you'll start to notice to escape your life, your doom scroll. So if you could

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scroll for an hour, surely something is wanting to distract you so much. It's distracting

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you away from something. And so that's what I'll do. So the first thing I'll do, I will

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ask the Lord, where does he want my attention? And as you start getting rid of distractions,

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he'll start aligning your attention. I think that's simple and it's doable. And so, cause

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you can say to the Lord, Lord, what is my assignment? What is my assignment? I've been

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asking him, I've been asking him, I've been asking him, I've been asking him. Well, a

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lot of times I can speak for myself. We can ask questions that get us far. We can take

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actions that get us far, but some questions, they don't come that far. They don't get us

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that far. So I can say, Lord, you know, what is my assignment? I'm not sure I would hear

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it. Like Ebony, walk across the street, knock on the door, get that person saying that's

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your assignment in this season. But I do know as I get rid of distractions, it narrows

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me in. And so I think you would grain. Is that good for you? At which do you think that's

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a good plan for you? You think that's something you can do? Does it resonate with you?

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Okay. Yes. Good. And I think that when you get there, your TV's out in your room, that's

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for you to get rid of distraction. And so as you, as you ask him, where does he want

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your attention? And you get rid of things that's taking your attention. That stillness

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that you'll get, you may get bored. That means something was filling you. That means, that

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means if you get rid of distractions, you're going to find the empty spaces in you. You

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won't have a choice. And those empty spaces is where the Lord wants to put his hands on,

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his eyes on, touching with his finger. I like, what is that? Okay. All right. So a lot of times

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in discovery dating, we believe discovery dating is just about learning what to do and then learning

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what to do next. And we'll learn what to do next. And a lot of parties, you are learning what to do.

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I tell you all the time that dating is a skill. And we, I think that we probably talk,

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we talk about this a lot, but I don't think that it can be stressed enough. The power of discovery

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dating, the power of what you discover about person, the power of what you discover about you

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in every phase, every level of dating, if the scene changes. Okay. And so let's just kind of

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work through it. And let's talk about what happens in each season, what the assignment is,

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what you should be looking for in yourself and how do you get there? And so we're going to include

436
00:29:15.080 --> 00:29:21.800
some questions for you to ask, right? And so, excuse me, I'm sorry. Early level of discovery

437
00:29:21.800 --> 00:29:26.200
dating has a different assignment than level. So, you know, it's three levels, level one,

438
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level two, level three. Level one is when you first start getting to know a person.

439
00:29:32.120 --> 00:29:36.040
You have your initial phone conversation. You're talking to them. That's level one.

440
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When you leave that phone conversation, you start talking to them. You start talking to them. You're

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in a level two situation. Level one is just, hey, how are you? After that, the next phase is level

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two. It's just one, two. It's no months. So if you were in the book club, Jackie said the first 30

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days, you're gathering information. The next 30 days, you're gathering something else. And the

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next

445
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.280
It's 30 days, something else is happening.

446
00:30:03.280 --> 00:30:04.400
This is very similar.

447
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:07.760
So early on in discovery dating, there's

448
00:30:07.760 --> 00:30:09.760
an assignment to discovery dating.

449
00:30:09.760 --> 00:30:14.960
And this assignment is just to get to know a person.

450
00:30:14.960 --> 00:30:20.720
A lot of times in level one and level two,

451
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:23.820
we want to know if they're our husband.

452
00:30:23.820 --> 00:30:26.160
And so that's all we're focused on.

453
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:30.600
And no matter how much we tell you don't do that,

454
00:30:30.600 --> 00:30:33.240
that that phase is not for that.

455
00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:35.720
You're just so excited with yourself

456
00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:37.680
that you can't help it.

457
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:43.040
Because you just need to know so you won't waste your time.

458
00:30:43.040 --> 00:30:46.080
And what you don't understand is that the Lord wants

459
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:48.680
to use dating to develop you.

460
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:51.600
And you believe you know yourself better

461
00:30:51.600 --> 00:30:53.240
than God knows you.

462
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:57.520
But he knows you're not prepared to be some man's wife.

463
00:30:57.520 --> 00:31:00.640
He knows that the man that could be a potential for you,

464
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:02.680
that you need to stretch and you need to grow.

465
00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:04.480
And he knows for the last 20 years,

466
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:05.760
it's just been you and him.

467
00:31:05.760 --> 00:31:08.200
So you ain't nearby ready for no man.

468
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:10.800
He knows that the reason why you don't feel the heart

469
00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:12.680
wound from what your mama and your daddy did

470
00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:14.680
is because you ain't never had a man close enough

471
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:15.960
to touch those faces.

472
00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:19.440
He knows that you've not had anybody in those spaces.

473
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:21.480
And he knows how you're going to respond.

474
00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:23.240
You just don't know.

475
00:31:23.240 --> 00:31:25.800
You don't know how it feels to be rejected.

476
00:31:25.800 --> 00:31:28.080
Yet you don't know how you're going to respond to it

477
00:31:28.080 --> 00:31:29.280
because you haven't been rejected

478
00:31:29.280 --> 00:31:30.840
because you ain't dated nobody.

479
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:36.320
And so that's why we're not dating, especially in church.

480
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:37.160
We can talk about it.

481
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:38.520
You don't have sex before you get married.

482
00:31:38.520 --> 00:31:40.160
And you don't do this and you don't do that.

483
00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:41.120
And they should have done it.

484
00:31:41.120 --> 00:31:42.160
They should have known that they,

485
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:44.880
as soon as you, because you ain't dating nobody,

486
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.680
your little self ain't feeling the feelings.

487
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:50.880
Your little self ain't growing closer to somebody.

488
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:53.040
The more you know a person, the closer you want to be with.

489
00:31:53.040 --> 00:31:55.640
And then you lean in on his shoulder and you get it close.

490
00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:57.600
You haven't had to put boundaries in place.

491
00:31:57.600 --> 00:31:59.960
So of course you can tell everybody else how to do it.

492
00:31:59.960 --> 00:32:00.800
Right?

493
00:32:00.800 --> 00:32:01.640
You follow me.

494
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:03.560
That's a simple way of explaining it.

495
00:32:03.560 --> 00:32:06.320
But the Lord knows that you need development

496
00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:08.440
and grow for the things he has for you.

497
00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:10.560
So no matter how you measure yourself,

498
00:32:10.560 --> 00:32:12.880
your measuring rod is not correct

499
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.560
because you don't know the thing that is to come.

500
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:19.160
And so how could you measure well?

501
00:32:21.480 --> 00:32:22.960
Got me?

502
00:32:22.960 --> 00:32:23.800
Okay.

503
00:32:23.800 --> 00:32:26.760
So no matter the stage or the level,

504
00:32:26.760 --> 00:32:31.320
all of this is a process that never changes.

505
00:32:31.320 --> 00:32:33.040
Life is a process.

506
00:32:33.040 --> 00:32:34.640
It's always a process.

507
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:37.560
And the processing has to do with heart posture.

508
00:32:37.560 --> 00:32:40.560
You posture your heart to a place of processing

509
00:32:40.560 --> 00:32:43.200
and understanding this is what's about to happen.

510
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:46.120
If you would receive this fully,

511
00:32:46.120 --> 00:32:49.680
it would release you from so much heartache,

512
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:51.520
so much let down,

513
00:32:51.520 --> 00:32:53.200
that when you see rejection,

514
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:54.600
you won't see I'm rejected,

515
00:32:54.600 --> 00:32:56.320
but you'll see that they chose no.

516
00:32:56.320 --> 00:32:58.960
And let me figure out why I'm feeling this way.

517
00:33:01.080 --> 00:33:04.680
Let me go ahead and look at scarcity and say, I know you.

518
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:07.320
You're trying to get me to hold on to something.

519
00:33:07.320 --> 00:33:09.040
You're trying to get me just to stay in there.

520
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:09.880
You know what I'm saying?

521
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:12.840
You'll quickly identify the things that are happening in you

522
00:33:12.840 --> 00:33:15.680
when you understand that you're in a process.

523
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:16.520
Okay?

524
00:33:16.520 --> 00:33:20.800
So level one is all about getting to know a person.

525
00:33:20.800 --> 00:33:23.320
Level one, level two, kind of slide into each other.

526
00:33:23.320 --> 00:33:24.800
Gather information.

527
00:33:24.800 --> 00:33:28.200
So when is level one and early level two?

528
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:31.320
This is going to be the stage of curiosity and discovery.

529
00:33:31.320 --> 00:33:33.280
These are dates one and two.

530
00:33:33.280 --> 00:33:34.880
So about two to four weeks.

531
00:33:36.080 --> 00:33:37.840
And the reason why we say about two to four weeks,

532
00:33:37.840 --> 00:33:40.680
so somebody might do a date, wait one day, one week,

533
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:41.760
one date the next week.

534
00:33:41.760 --> 00:33:43.320
Somebody might do two days in one week.

535
00:33:43.320 --> 00:33:44.680
You know how it is when you meet somebody,

536
00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:45.760
you don't have to be too excited.

537
00:33:45.760 --> 00:33:47.440
I'm telling you right now.

538
00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:49.600
If you ain't got there, you getting there.

539
00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:50.440
Okay?

540
00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:51.440
And so you get excited.

541
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:52.440
You want to talk to them all the time.

542
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:53.440
You won't get phone wasted.

543
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:54.480
It's just that, blah, blah, blah.

544
00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:55.560
It's so fun.

545
00:33:55.560 --> 00:33:57.000
I want you guys all to do it.

546
00:33:57.000 --> 00:33:57.840
Okay?

547
00:33:57.840 --> 00:33:59.160
Nothing like getting phone wasted.

548
00:33:59.160 --> 00:34:00.480
Totally fun.

549
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.160
And don't beat yourself up when you do.

550
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:03.960
And if you stay on the date four hours,

551
00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:05.960
oh, well, it was a good four hours.

552
00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:07.000
Make it a good one.

553
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:07.840
Okay?

554
00:34:07.840 --> 00:34:08.679
All right.

555
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:11.840
So this is level one and early level two.

556
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:14.000
We want to stay in curiosity into discovery.

557
00:34:14.040 --> 00:34:18.480
And so the assignment is, who is this person?

558
00:34:19.520 --> 00:34:20.639
That's the assignment.

559
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:22.280
Who is this person?

560
00:34:22.280 --> 00:34:24.239
Not, do they read their Bible?

561
00:34:24.239 --> 00:34:26.040
Not, do they speak in tongues?

562
00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:27.960
Not, do they believe in the Holy Spirit?

563
00:34:27.960 --> 00:34:30.000
Not, do they believe a woman can preach?

564
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:31.280
Not, da, da, da.

565
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:33.920
Not, if they have retirement funds.

566
00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:35.840
Not, if they ready to be married.

567
00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:37.800
How did they last marriage end?

568
00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:39.120
Did he cheat on her?

569
00:34:39.120 --> 00:34:40.600
I'm not going for that.

570
00:34:40.600 --> 00:34:42.719
Not, not, not, not, not.

571
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:46.760
The only thing it is, is learning who that person is.

572
00:34:46.760 --> 00:34:48.560
What makes them laugh?

573
00:34:48.560 --> 00:34:50.159
What makes them smile?

574
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:51.880
Not, what is their love language?

575
00:34:51.880 --> 00:34:53.600
And what is your love language?

576
00:34:53.600 --> 00:34:55.840
Your love language is for your spouse.

577
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:56.840
Okay?

578
00:34:56.840 --> 00:34:58.880
You don't need a man in level one and level two

579
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:00.120
to know how to love you.

580
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.520
Why, what need would he have for your love language?

581
00:35:03.520 --> 00:35:04.360
Do you love him?

582
00:35:08.260 --> 00:35:10.400
Do you need him to fulfill your love language

583
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:12.560
if you're trying to get to know him?

584
00:35:12.560 --> 00:35:14.460
You're not trying to get to know his love language

585
00:35:14.460 --> 00:35:15.300
because you're not trying.

586
00:35:15.300 --> 00:35:17.000
And so what we'll do is if we ask somebody,

587
00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:17.880
well, what's your love language?

588
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:20.200
You will unconsciously or subconsciously

589
00:35:20.200 --> 00:35:22.380
begin to try to spend quality time with him.

590
00:35:22.380 --> 00:35:25.840
You will subconsciously begin to do things to please them

591
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.300
because you learned that this is what pleases them.

592
00:35:28.300 --> 00:35:30.260
And so that's something you want to be mindful about.

593
00:35:30.260 --> 00:35:31.820
Love languages are not necessary.

594
00:35:31.820 --> 00:35:34.980
You're not in a, you're in level one and level two dating.

595
00:35:34.980 --> 00:35:37.740
You're not even married, leave that alone.

596
00:35:37.740 --> 00:35:39.540
All right, so what is not,

597
00:35:39.540 --> 00:35:42.560
this is not, is this my husband's stage.

598
00:35:42.560 --> 00:35:44.220
Why, why?

599
00:35:44.220 --> 00:35:49.220
Because it's a process and you're in it for the process.

600
00:35:50.700 --> 00:35:52.780
You want to grow and you want to develop

601
00:35:52.780 --> 00:35:55.300
even though you may not want to, you want to.

602
00:35:56.260 --> 00:35:58.220
Okay, it makes for a better path.

603
00:35:59.860 --> 00:36:01.780
So you're going to gather information about him.

604
00:36:01.780 --> 00:36:02.620
How would I do that?

605
00:36:02.620 --> 00:36:04.560
A lot of times y'all say, well, what do we ask?

606
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:05.540
What do we say?

607
00:36:05.540 --> 00:36:08.780
And Carla is going to post these notes for y'all to have.

608
00:36:08.780 --> 00:36:10.540
But you want to say, you want to look at,

609
00:36:10.540 --> 00:36:13.200
does this conversation flow naturally?

610
00:36:13.200 --> 00:36:16.060
Okay, can he communicate?

611
00:36:16.060 --> 00:36:17.620
Does he ask questions?

612
00:36:17.620 --> 00:36:19.540
And a lot of times, I'm going to get hung up on it.

613
00:36:19.540 --> 00:36:21.260
Men will talk and talk and talk

614
00:36:21.260 --> 00:36:23.740
because they're nervous and not ask you any questions.

615
00:36:23.740 --> 00:36:25.500
You'll be like, he didn't ask me nothing about myself.

616
00:36:25.500 --> 00:36:27.620
I know they usually don't for the first two dates.

617
00:36:27.620 --> 00:36:29.220
I don't know what lane they're in,

618
00:36:29.220 --> 00:36:31.620
but just remember they're a man.

619
00:36:31.620 --> 00:36:34.560
Okay, can he initiate, right?

620
00:36:34.560 --> 00:36:37.140
Does he honor your boundaries?

621
00:36:37.140 --> 00:36:39.300
Is he emotionally available?

622
00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:41.620
Do I enjoy being around him?

623
00:36:41.620 --> 00:36:43.660
And I think, do I enjoy being around him

624
00:36:43.660 --> 00:36:45.020
was a really good one.

625
00:36:47.080 --> 00:36:49.580
Not because you feel butterflies or chemistry,

626
00:36:49.580 --> 00:36:51.660
but can I, do I feel like I can kind of

627
00:36:51.660 --> 00:36:53.340
be myself with this person?

628
00:36:54.340 --> 00:36:57.340
Like, are they kind of laid back, right?

629
00:36:57.340 --> 00:37:00.980
Okay, so it's a yes until it's a no, ladies.

630
00:37:00.980 --> 00:37:02.380
I know, I know, I know,

631
00:37:02.380 --> 00:37:06.140
but this principle works really, really well.

632
00:37:06.140 --> 00:37:07.900
And so a lot of times you'll go out to somebody and be like,

633
00:37:07.900 --> 00:37:09.780
I don't think they really my cup of tea.

634
00:37:09.780 --> 00:37:10.900
And then you just cut it out.

635
00:37:10.900 --> 00:37:12.500
Look, it's a yes until it's a no.

636
00:37:12.500 --> 00:37:15.220
Keep going, three dates, three dates.

637
00:37:15.220 --> 00:37:16.460
Give it three dates.

638
00:37:16.460 --> 00:37:18.860
Unless they're disrespectful, they're rude.

639
00:37:18.860 --> 00:37:21.500
But if it's some petty stuff, three dates.

640
00:37:21.500 --> 00:37:23.820
Trust me, you can get their teeth clean.

641
00:37:23.820 --> 00:37:25.380
They can go to the dentist.

642
00:37:25.380 --> 00:37:26.980
Listen, you'll get over that big nose

643
00:37:26.980 --> 00:37:28.580
and them big lips and them big ears.

644
00:37:28.580 --> 00:37:30.700
Let that man treat you good, baby.

645
00:37:30.700 --> 00:37:32.900
That gonna be the best big ear man

646
00:37:32.900 --> 00:37:34.180
you ever known in your life.

647
00:37:34.180 --> 00:37:36.500
You gonna be telling everybody about that big nose, man.

648
00:37:36.500 --> 00:37:38.900
Don't you even worry, honey.

649
00:37:38.900 --> 00:37:41.780
Don't you worry, don't you worry.

650
00:37:41.780 --> 00:37:43.520
We can get that worked out.

651
00:37:44.820 --> 00:37:47.100
You know, some stuff can be worked out.

652
00:37:47.100 --> 00:37:49.860
Don't get too hung up on stuff like that.

653
00:37:49.860 --> 00:37:51.780
A man that treat you good look different

654
00:37:51.780 --> 00:37:54.500
once you find out how good he gonna treat you.

655
00:37:54.500 --> 00:37:56.500
All right, that's the truth.

656
00:37:56.500 --> 00:37:58.580
Okay, all right.

657
00:37:58.580 --> 00:38:00.180
So it's a yes until it's a no.

658
00:38:00.180 --> 00:38:02.140
You're also gathering information about you.

659
00:38:02.140 --> 00:38:03.520
Do I feel relaxed?

660
00:38:03.520 --> 00:38:05.480
A big one is, am I performing?

661
00:38:07.340 --> 00:38:09.220
I can speak for myself.

662
00:38:09.220 --> 00:38:10.920
I have watched me perform.

663
00:38:12.020 --> 00:38:13.820
I have watched me talk to a person

664
00:38:13.820 --> 00:38:16.420
and tell them all the good things about me.

665
00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:19.380
So they could be like, I didn't know it consciously,

666
00:38:19.900 --> 00:38:21.220
but after I noticed there's a thing,

667
00:38:21.220 --> 00:38:22.260
I would see myself like,

668
00:38:22.260 --> 00:38:25.300
are you really telling him all these great things about you

669
00:38:25.300 --> 00:38:26.780
so that you can look good?

670
00:38:26.780 --> 00:38:28.860
Like, that's the real thing.

671
00:38:28.860 --> 00:38:30.780
Like, or if you find out they're in ministry

672
00:38:30.780 --> 00:38:32.300
or they do the same job you do,

673
00:38:32.300 --> 00:38:33.620
or they do something similar,

674
00:38:33.620 --> 00:38:35.500
like you'll start giving out all your credentials

675
00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:37.220
and all the good things about you.

676
00:38:37.220 --> 00:38:40.060
And sometimes those things are to impress.

677
00:38:40.060 --> 00:38:42.120
And you are an impressive person.

678
00:38:43.700 --> 00:38:45.340
But sometimes when we do that,

679
00:38:45.340 --> 00:38:47.940
there's a backlash that comes on our end.

680
00:38:47.940 --> 00:38:49.700
Like when they ghost,

681
00:38:49.700 --> 00:38:52.900
or when they decide they don't want to talk to you anymore.

682
00:38:52.900 --> 00:38:54.940
And you didn't know that you were actually,

683
00:38:54.940 --> 00:38:56.420
they call it putting your best foot forward.

684
00:38:56.420 --> 00:38:57.900
You seriously put your best foot forward,

685
00:38:57.900 --> 00:38:59.180
but you just didn't know that was happening.

686
00:38:59.180 --> 00:39:01.900
Sometimes you can get a backlash from that on the back end.

687
00:39:01.900 --> 00:39:03.820
Am I trying to earn his approval?

688
00:39:04.860 --> 00:39:08.140
And this earning a person's approval comes,

689
00:39:08.140 --> 00:39:11.160
is usually rooted somewhere in the heart from childhood.

690
00:39:12.740 --> 00:39:15.420
Am I imagining a future before I know him?

691
00:39:15.420 --> 00:39:18.000
And the thing is, we can not imagine.

692
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:18.840
We can't.

693
00:39:23.180 --> 00:39:26.340
I'll tell you somebody who can imagine a future is a woman.

694
00:39:26.340 --> 00:39:28.700
She will hang up from that man and call her friend,

695
00:39:28.700 --> 00:39:30.420
like my friend just hung up from me,

696
00:39:30.420 --> 00:39:32.460
called me and told me everything about the man,

697
00:39:32.460 --> 00:39:33.580
how many horses he got.

698
00:39:33.580 --> 00:39:36.020
And I said, girl, you finna go live on the farm.

699
00:39:36.020 --> 00:39:37.940
And she said, no, I said, yes, you are.

700
00:39:37.940 --> 00:39:42.540
And then we just start, we just start talking.

701
00:39:42.540 --> 00:39:45.720
But a woman can do it so quickly.

702
00:39:46.980 --> 00:39:48.840
Well, I can move if I need to.

703
00:39:48.840 --> 00:39:49.680
I can do this.

704
00:39:52.740 --> 00:39:55.540
And the reason why I sting so much

705
00:39:55.540 --> 00:39:57.660
after crumbles on the second week

706
00:39:57.660 --> 00:39:59.980
is because you didn't know that.

707
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.960
when you were doing those plans,

708
00:40:02.960 --> 00:40:05.480
that you were putting some form of hope

709
00:40:05.480 --> 00:40:06.720
on the inside of yourself.

710
00:40:06.720 --> 00:40:08.280
And hope is wonderful,

711
00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:11.240
but hope is not predicated on the person you're dating.

712
00:40:11.240 --> 00:40:15.560
Hope is predicated on the Lord's promise to deliver.

713
00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:18.560
And a lot of times we go into partnership with a person

714
00:40:18.560 --> 00:40:21.300
and walk away from the one we should be in partnership with,

715
00:40:21.300 --> 00:40:24.240
which is the Lord, because it's his promises that prevail.

716
00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:26.960
He is the one that makes all things beautiful in his time.

717
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:29.000
He is the one that when his word goes forth

718
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:31.000
out of his mouth, it doesn't return unto him forward,

719
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:33.320
but accomplish everything that he set it out to do.

720
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:34.560
He is the one that said,

721
00:40:34.560 --> 00:40:36.320
I honor my word above my own name.

722
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:38.600
He is the one that says the grass within the flower

723
00:40:38.600 --> 00:40:40.700
faded but the word of God endure forever.

724
00:40:40.700 --> 00:40:42.080
That's who we partner with.

725
00:40:42.080 --> 00:40:45.800
The one who's guaranteed us that he makes all things good.

726
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:48.320
The Bible says after we've suffered a little while,

727
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:52.120
he will come and establish us and settle us

728
00:40:52.120 --> 00:40:54.600
and perform his word in our life.

729
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:56.160
That's what you partner with.

730
00:40:57.160 --> 00:40:59.400
Okay, all right.

731
00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:02.200
So some of those are some of the questions.

732
00:41:02.200 --> 00:41:03.840
Those are some of the things that are happening

733
00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:05.540
in this level one, level two stage.

734
00:41:05.540 --> 00:41:06.800
Some of the things you want to ask

735
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:08.600
and some of the things you want to stay away from.

736
00:41:08.600 --> 00:41:12.440
Now you want to do questions that fit the assignment.

737
00:41:12.440 --> 00:41:14.800
So if the assignment is getting to know someone,

738
00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:16.480
these are the type of questions you're going to ask.

739
00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:18.160
And I'm just going to roll off about three of them

740
00:41:18.160 --> 00:41:20.840
because Carla is going to post all of this for you all.

741
00:41:20.840 --> 00:41:22.680
One of them would be, you always ask us,

742
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:24.280
what should we talk about?

743
00:41:24.280 --> 00:41:25.840
So you can ask, what do you do?

744
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:28.640
What do you enjoy doing outside of work?

745
00:41:28.640 --> 00:41:30.360
It's a very light question,

746
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:33.440
but it tells you something about that person.

747
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:36.480
Instead of y'all personal traumas.

748
00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:40.120
We're not doing that.

749
00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:41.420
All right, what kind of friendships

750
00:41:41.420 --> 00:41:43.400
have been important in your life?

751
00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:45.600
Now, how good is that question?

752
00:41:45.600 --> 00:41:47.440
Uh-huh, see, we have them wrote down.

753
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:48.640
That's why we're going to write them down for you.

754
00:41:48.640 --> 00:41:50.000
And you need to keep them in your phone.

755
00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:51.160
Then you pull them out.

756
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:54.040
Y'all drinking coffee and say,

757
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:56.120
look, I got some great questions we can ask each other

758
00:41:56.120 --> 00:41:57.400
so we can get to know each other better.

759
00:41:57.400 --> 00:41:58.480
They're going to be happy

760
00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:00.400
because they ain't got no question.

761
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:02.240
They're going to be so happy.

762
00:42:02.240 --> 00:42:04.160
Okay, and then usually when you ask it,

763
00:42:04.160 --> 00:42:05.920
you lead with the answer, right?

764
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:07.920
So that person can feel like it's not a trap.

765
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:09.120
It's not a set up.

766
00:42:09.120 --> 00:42:11.160
You're asking, you're saying the question

767
00:42:11.160 --> 00:42:13.240
and you're starting, you're leading with it.

768
00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:14.320
And then the next one can say,

769
00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:16.640
okay, I'm going to ask this and I'll let you lead first.

770
00:42:16.640 --> 00:42:18.120
You can do it like that.

771
00:42:18.120 --> 00:42:21.040
What does a typical weekend look like for you?

772
00:42:21.040 --> 00:42:23.520
All of us, can I ask them, is he a believer yet?

773
00:42:24.040 --> 00:42:25.440
Can I ask him if he go to church?

774
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:27.440
If you, what is the typical weekend look like?

775
00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:29.440
And you're like, oh, and on Sunday I go to church

776
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:30.600
or I don't know.

777
00:42:30.600 --> 00:42:33.040
He can say it, but you can still always ask the person

778
00:42:33.040 --> 00:42:35.000
what is their conviction?

779
00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:38.880
You know, how important is their faith to them, right?

780
00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:39.720
All right.

781
00:42:39.720 --> 00:42:43.440
And what are some things you enjoy doing with family?

782
00:42:43.440 --> 00:42:45.000
How good is that question?

783
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:47.240
Simple, not deep,

784
00:42:47.240 --> 00:42:50.160
but it tells you if a person has a value for family

785
00:42:51.160 --> 00:42:54.200
or if they respond and say, well, I can't really say,

786
00:42:54.200 --> 00:42:56.640
you know, I haven't talked to my brother in years

787
00:42:56.640 --> 00:42:59.800
and my sister this, and we know in our family,

788
00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:01.400
we just kind of keep to ourself.

789
00:43:03.400 --> 00:43:05.360
What makes it a no, Amy,

790
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:07.160
is when it's a yes and tell us a no,

791
00:43:07.160 --> 00:43:09.360
if someone disrespects you,

792
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:10.600
if someone,

793
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:16.840
if you find that y'all are truly not in alignment,

794
00:43:16.840 --> 00:43:18.760
like some things have been said that let you know,

795
00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:20.960
like, hey, this is not an alignment for me.

796
00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:23.160
Okay.

797
00:43:23.160 --> 00:43:25.600
Like core beliefs, core belief systems.

798
00:43:25.600 --> 00:43:26.440
All right.

799
00:43:26.440 --> 00:43:27.560
So some of the common mistakes.

800
00:43:27.560 --> 00:43:28.840
And so we don't do,

801
00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:31.320
we're not integrating a person in this phase.

802
00:43:31.320 --> 00:43:33.280
I don't know how many has been guilty of integrating,

803
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:34.560
but I raised my hand.

804
00:43:34.560 --> 00:43:36.480
I started off an integrator.

805
00:43:36.480 --> 00:43:39.400
Listen, this program has brought me a long ways, honey.

806
00:43:39.400 --> 00:43:41.920
If I got a name, I was already looking them up.

807
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:43.520
I had ID people.

808
00:43:43.520 --> 00:43:45.320
Mucha Jacka told us, don't do it, baby.

809
00:43:45.320 --> 00:43:46.400
I was on that site.

810
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:47.840
Me and my friend, I like, look it up.

811
00:43:47.840 --> 00:43:48.760
It's a name.

812
00:43:48.760 --> 00:43:50.320
Oh, this is where you used to live.

813
00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:52.040
I was the ID people, me.

814
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:52.880
That was me.

815
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:53.720
Okay.

816
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:56.080
I had to learn the hard way.

817
00:43:56.080 --> 00:43:56.920
All right.

818
00:43:56.920 --> 00:43:57.760
Okay.

819
00:43:57.760 --> 00:44:01.000
So natural conversation, staying curious.

820
00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:01.880
And let me speed up.

821
00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:03.440
Oh yeah, I got to really speed up.

822
00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:05.080
So common mistakes,

823
00:44:05.080 --> 00:44:08.360
treating the date like a husband interview.

824
00:44:11.040 --> 00:44:13.920
Treating the date like a husband interview.

825
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.040
And even if you don't say it from your mouth,

826
00:44:16.040 --> 00:44:18.640
you can operate it from it in your heart.

827
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:21.120
Okay.

828
00:44:21.120 --> 00:44:21.960
All right.

829
00:44:21.960 --> 00:44:23.480
Talking more than listening.

830
00:44:24.600 --> 00:44:27.360
Planning a future before learning the present.

831
00:44:29.560 --> 00:44:32.500
Looking for certainty instead of information.

832
00:44:33.560 --> 00:44:35.480
And as women, certainty is one of those things

833
00:44:35.480 --> 00:44:37.200
that get us, especially.

834
00:44:38.440 --> 00:44:41.520
I think certainty over time in this program,

835
00:44:41.520 --> 00:44:42.680
after you stand a little while,

836
00:44:42.680 --> 00:44:45.640
you'll start relaxing on that, but it takes a while.

837
00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:48.360
It's a skill to not look for certainty.

838
00:44:50.040 --> 00:44:53.080
But enough stings and dings.

839
00:44:55.320 --> 00:44:58.280
Interesting enough was drive some people to certainty,

840
00:44:58.280 --> 00:44:59.600
which they never reach.

841
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.040
some people away from certainty. It's almost like you say, okay, I ain't doing this no more. I'm

842
00:45:05.040 --> 00:45:10.320
tired. I'm just going to see where it goes. I'm for real going to trust God this time.

843
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:14.720
I'm just going to let this thing go. I'm not going to worry about this. I'm not like,

844
00:45:14.720 --> 00:45:20.720
that is a place you get to. Okay. It's a real place and it's a, it's a, it's a place of freedom.

845
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:26.240
It feels really good. All right. So hard work is happening in this level one, level two,

846
00:45:26.240 --> 00:45:32.080
God may be revealing fears that you have your need for validation, scarcity performance,

847
00:45:32.080 --> 00:45:36.640
and he didn't text right back. He usually takes right back. How long has it been? It's only been

848
00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:41.680
three days, but he usually takes right back. How long has it been? Three days, but he usually takes

849
00:45:41.680 --> 00:45:46.480
right back. Usually you ain't been talking to him for three days. What do you mean? Usually

850
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:53.840
are you used to three days usual? Like we say this stuff, but we don't realize what we're saying.

851
00:45:53.840 --> 00:45:57.840
And so one time I was like, girl, I don't know, because some, some, some, she's like,

852
00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:01.840
Ebony, you ain't even been knowing a man, but a week, what you mean his pattern,

853
00:46:04.080 --> 00:46:09.440
give it one more week to create a pattern. But it's true. Like you're learning it when they do

854
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:14.880
something that's actually new. So if you feel like they went against something, maybe the first few

855
00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:21.520
days they did do it, but I want you to remember, Oh, Wednesday is this day. He didn't do what he

856
00:46:21.520 --> 00:46:25.760
did the other two days. That's nice to know. I wonder what tomorrow is going to look like.

857
00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:32.320
That's how that looks. Not he didn't do what he usually do. No, no, no, no, no. This, he still

858
00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:40.240
knew it's all new behavior. You don't know him past two days before you still don't know him.

859
00:46:40.240 --> 00:46:46.240
Okay, good. All right. And they ask the Lord, what is he revealing in you? Then we know level

860
00:46:46.240 --> 00:46:52.240
two is discernment and a deeper discovery, discernment and deeper discovery. Level two is

861
00:46:52.240 --> 00:47:00.560
usually from date three to five, and it's about four to 12 weeks. So every relationship develops

862
00:47:00.560 --> 00:47:06.720
differently. Now we shouldn't be some speedy Gonzalez's around here because the truth is

863
00:47:06.720 --> 00:47:14.080
you don't have the infrastructure to house certain levels of, um, levels of emotional

864
00:47:14.080 --> 00:47:21.920
things you may have going on. Even if somebody is your husband, even if you married them in three

865
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:28.560
months, you still have not built the infrastructure of friendship and you have to do it on the other

866
00:47:28.560 --> 00:47:35.840
side of I do. And the reason that's challenging is because you're going to have an expectation

867
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:42.160
of the vow that was taken and that is to be a husband. And so now your expectation is not

868
00:47:42.160 --> 00:47:47.280
show up as his friend. No, it's be a husband. Here's the expectation. Don't you be a wife

869
00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:54.640
and you know, and they know we're really just still learning each other, but it costs to collide with

870
00:47:54.640 --> 00:48:00.560
the expectation of the titles or of the office. Cause it's not just a title. It's an office that

871
00:48:00.560 --> 00:48:07.040
you just walked into. Right? So that's why we say, even if you marry somebody in three months,

872
00:48:07.040 --> 00:48:11.600
why wouldn't you take that three months and pace yourself and make it quality,

873
00:48:11.600 --> 00:48:18.960
let it develop organically. So you think speed gets you there quicker, but pacing actually gets

874
00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:23.600
you there quicker because you can evaluate what you need to evaluate. You can get to know what

875
00:48:23.600 --> 00:48:30.320
you need to know and everybody can show up in a very organic, raw state. And that's how, you know,

876
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:40.480
best when you speed, you miss and you miss things that are helpful to you. Just like a person is

877
00:48:40.480 --> 00:48:45.280
kind. They're also not so kind. That's for every one of you. Just like a person is joyful. They

878
00:48:45.280 --> 00:48:52.800
also can be angry. Like there's with people, they're all sides to us. Okay. So that's it.

879
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:59.600
So level, level two, uh, what were you? Okay. So day three to five, four to 12 weeks,

880
00:48:59.600 --> 00:49:06.240
the assignment in this phase is to observe consistency, character, and patterns.

881
00:49:07.440 --> 00:49:11.280
That's when we start observing, cause see, now you're about four to 12 weeks in, you can actually

882
00:49:11.280 --> 00:49:16.960
say a pattern. It's four weeks in, you can actually see if they're consistency. You're

883
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:23.760
about a month in now. So after you observed them for four weeks, now you should see a more full of

884
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:29.360
a more full picture about who they are in some ways, right? While you're still deepening,

885
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:35.040
getting to know them. So we're not going for their potential. We're simply saying,

886
00:49:35.040 --> 00:49:41.680
who is this person consistently showing himself to be consistently showing themselves to be.

887
00:49:41.680 --> 00:49:46.640
So you want to gather information about him. Does what he say match what he does?

888
00:49:46.640 --> 00:49:52.880
How does he respond to disappointment? Does he take responsibility? How does he lead? Is he

889
00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:59.840
accountable? Okay. Um, this is not about chemistry. It's actually about the other C consistency.

890
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.360
And it's okay at any time to say,

891
00:50:04.360 --> 00:50:08.000
hey, I noticed that you did A, B, C.

892
00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:09.540
Can you speak to this?

893
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:12.320
Right?

894
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:15.360
So patterns reveal more than potential.

895
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:18.260
Patterns always reveal more than potential.

896
00:50:18.260 --> 00:50:20.240
Patterns are your go-to.

897
00:50:20.240 --> 00:50:21.920
If you pace, you see patterns.

898
00:50:21.920 --> 00:50:24.640
If you don't pace, you won't catch them.

899
00:50:24.640 --> 00:50:26.400
Because you're too wrapped up in your feelings

900
00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:29.920
and your emotions and the hype and how good it feels.

901
00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:32.760
And scarcity comes in faster than you could ever believe

902
00:50:32.760 --> 00:50:33.580
when it's there.

903
00:50:33.580 --> 00:50:35.400
Because something in you keeps hoping

904
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:37.000
that it doesn't fall apart.

905
00:50:37.000 --> 00:50:39.240
And if you keep hoping it doesn't fall apart,

906
00:50:39.240 --> 00:50:41.640
you will close your eyes to the things

907
00:50:41.640 --> 00:50:43.080
that will make it fall apart.

908
00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:49.480
Is it, because you're holding too tightly to it.

909
00:50:49.480 --> 00:50:51.320
And if I hold something too tightly,

910
00:50:51.320 --> 00:50:53.780
I believe that it's more valuable.

911
00:50:54.800 --> 00:50:58.280
And so I won't give way to the things that are off.

912
00:50:58.280 --> 00:51:00.160
I'll be like, oh, it's okay.

913
00:51:00.160 --> 00:51:01.680
Oh, it's okay.

914
00:51:01.680 --> 00:51:03.200
Until you get six months down the road.

915
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:04.280
Because at three months,

916
00:51:04.280 --> 00:51:06.080
I'm gonna tell you, you'll start picking them apart.

917
00:51:06.080 --> 00:51:07.520
You're gonna see everything you don't like.

918
00:51:07.520 --> 00:51:09.020
You just give it time.

919
00:51:09.020 --> 00:51:10.820
Time, time, time.

920
00:51:10.820 --> 00:51:12.680
Let's talk about questions that fit this.

921
00:51:12.680 --> 00:51:13.680
Oh, okay.

922
00:51:13.680 --> 00:51:15.480
Patterns reveal more than potential.

923
00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:17.600
Let's gather information about you.

924
00:51:17.600 --> 00:51:19.640
Are you becoming more peaceful?

925
00:51:19.640 --> 00:51:21.320
Do you feel more anxious?

926
00:51:21.320 --> 00:51:23.000
Are you losing yourself?

927
00:51:24.240 --> 00:51:26.400
Are you noticing red flags because they're real

928
00:51:26.400 --> 00:51:28.240
or because they're familiar?

929
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:30.360
You'll start to see things come up in you now

930
00:51:30.360 --> 00:51:33.440
because this person is getting closer to you.

931
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:36.000
And you're gonna start noticing things about yourself

932
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:38.080
because they're getting more access to you,

933
00:51:38.080 --> 00:51:39.600
more access to you.

934
00:51:39.600 --> 00:51:41.120
You know, you'll start thinking,

935
00:51:41.120 --> 00:51:42.280
have y'all ever talked to somebody

936
00:51:42.280 --> 00:51:44.320
and all of a sudden, at first when they phone beeped

937
00:51:44.320 --> 00:51:46.600
or people called and called back, it was okay.

938
00:51:46.600 --> 00:51:48.440
But after that, it seemed like,

939
00:51:48.440 --> 00:51:49.760
huh, it's eight o'clock.

940
00:51:49.760 --> 00:51:50.880
Somebody called, it's late.

941
00:51:50.880 --> 00:51:52.500
They said they're gonna call me back.

942
00:51:52.500 --> 00:51:54.000
They called back at nine.

943
00:51:54.000 --> 00:51:57.240
You may think to yourself, I wonder who that was.

944
00:51:57.240 --> 00:51:59.200
How do you notice when that little like,

945
00:51:59.200 --> 00:52:02.440
like the territorial thing rise up on the inside of you

946
00:52:02.440 --> 00:52:05.120
and you know they done got a little foothold into your heart

947
00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:07.800
because you're getting a little territorial about things.

948
00:52:07.800 --> 00:52:10.040
That's an indication that somebody has gotten

949
00:52:10.040 --> 00:52:12.800
a little bit more inward, right?

950
00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:14.320
They're coming in closer.

951
00:52:14.320 --> 00:52:17.640
Am I continuing to trust God with pacing?

952
00:52:17.640 --> 00:52:19.160
That's a good question to ask yourself.

953
00:52:19.160 --> 00:52:21.440
All right, questions that fit this assignment.

954
00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:23.680
This is what you asked.

955
00:52:23.680 --> 00:52:25.000
Carla's gonna post it.

956
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:27.900
What has shaped you into the person you are today?

957
00:52:29.640 --> 00:52:32.160
What have you learned from past relationships?

958
00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:35.660
What are you hoping marriage will look like someday?

959
00:52:37.040 --> 00:52:39.680
And what are some goals you're working toward?

960
00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:41.720
All right, so these conversations are naturally,

961
00:52:41.720 --> 00:52:43.840
naturally they become deeper.

962
00:52:43.840 --> 00:52:46.200
In the beginning, if your conversation goes really deep,

963
00:52:46.200 --> 00:52:47.800
you're literally taking it there

964
00:52:48.700 --> 00:52:51.880
because you should stop when you try to go there.

965
00:52:51.880 --> 00:52:52.920
Something that you should say,

966
00:52:52.920 --> 00:52:55.600
whoa, we're not gonna do that, okay?

967
00:52:55.600 --> 00:52:56.440
All right.

968
00:52:58.080 --> 00:52:59.640
Now, common mistakes.

969
00:52:59.640 --> 00:53:01.880
Common mistakes that can happen in this phase

970
00:53:04.360 --> 00:53:07.080
is you define the relationship too early.

971
00:53:07.080 --> 00:53:09.280
I don't know what it is

972
00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:10.680
that when you start talking to a person

973
00:53:10.680 --> 00:53:11.880
and you get about a month in,

974
00:53:11.880 --> 00:53:13.880
it's like, I gotta make it exclusive right now.

975
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:15.960
I don't know what is happening,

976
00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:20.160
but you feel like you just gotta do it

977
00:53:20.160 --> 00:53:22.240
even though you're gonna be doing the same thing

978
00:53:22.720 --> 00:53:24.720
for five minutes before you say we're exclusive

979
00:53:24.720 --> 00:53:27.120
that you're gonna do after you say you're exclusive.

980
00:53:27.120 --> 00:53:30.040
But it's this driving in you that says,

981
00:53:30.040 --> 00:53:31.360
I gotta make it exclusive.

982
00:53:31.360 --> 00:53:33.280
But once you make it exclusive, bam,

983
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:35.440
that takes you to another place.

984
00:53:35.440 --> 00:53:37.240
You don't know it, but it does, okay?

985
00:53:37.240 --> 00:53:39.520
Another level of expectation.

986
00:53:39.520 --> 00:53:41.560
And it's gonna pull something up in you.

987
00:53:42.640 --> 00:53:44.400
All right, so common mistakes

988
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:45.880
is trying to define the relationship,

989
00:53:45.880 --> 00:53:49.520
ignore inconsistencies because the chemistry feels exciting.

990
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:50.960
We just kind of talked about that.

991
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:54.040
Confusing chemistry with compatibility.

992
00:53:54.040 --> 00:53:57.960
Emotionally investing faster than trust has developed.

993
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:01.320
Okay, we should always know how a person

994
00:54:01.320 --> 00:54:03.120
stewards and guards their own heart

995
00:54:03.120 --> 00:54:05.600
before we give them any part of ours.

996
00:54:07.000 --> 00:54:09.400
That's the time of your day, nor even a friend.

997
00:54:09.400 --> 00:54:11.920
All right, and then try to answer level three questions

998
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:13.520
while you're still at level two.

999
00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:17.000
All right, now hard work that may be happening.

1000
00:54:17.000 --> 00:54:19.600
God may be revealing to you any control,

1001
00:54:19.600 --> 00:54:22.960
fear of loss, people pleasing, your fear of speaking up.

1002
00:54:22.960 --> 00:54:23.960
Your fear of speaking up

1003
00:54:23.960 --> 00:54:25.720
because you feel like you don't wanna lose.

1004
00:54:25.720 --> 00:54:27.480
Anytime you feel like you're gonna lose,

1005
00:54:27.480 --> 00:54:31.480
you know that there's scarcity and go against it.

1006
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:33.400
I just go against it, I don't even care.

1007
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:35.040
I'd be like, nothing, she was following what I made,

1008
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:36.440
but I can't live like this.

1009
00:54:37.320 --> 00:54:39.560
I gotta do it, all right?

1010
00:54:39.560 --> 00:54:40.560
So instead of asking,

1011
00:54:40.560 --> 00:54:43.160
how do I keep this relationship moving forward?

1012
00:54:43.160 --> 00:54:44.400
What you want to say is,

1013
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:46.760
Lord, what are you continuing to reveal in me

1014
00:54:46.760 --> 00:54:48.960
so I can grow in discernment?

1015
00:54:49.000 --> 00:54:50.960
And this is a real thing.

1016
00:54:50.960 --> 00:54:53.000
Lord, what are you wanting to reveal in me

1017
00:54:53.000 --> 00:54:56.480
so that I can grow in discernment, okay?

1018
00:54:57.640 --> 00:55:00.000
Now, level three, and I'm yelling.

1019
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.000
I have about 15 minutes for coaching, but it's OK.

1020
00:55:02.200 --> 00:55:03.360
I think this is really good.

1021
00:55:03.560 --> 00:55:08.560
Level three, intentional discernment, possibility of exclusivity.

1022
00:55:08.760 --> 00:55:11.160
Now, Jackie always teaches that we're going to allow the man.

1023
00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:15.440
And this is around the third month, OK, at or around three months

1024
00:55:15.640 --> 00:55:20.160
and after a handful of dates, healthy consistency has been established

1025
00:55:20.360 --> 00:55:23.920
and exclusivity may come up and we encourage you to allow the man to lead

1026
00:55:23.920 --> 00:55:26.720
in that conversation. If you're going on to the fourth month

1027
00:55:26.720 --> 00:55:29.440
and he hasn't led in that conversation, you may say, hey,

1028
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:33.360
there's a conversation that needs to be had and it needs to be had around this

1029
00:55:33.560 --> 00:55:36.120
topic, I'll let you lead the way.

1030
00:55:40.280 --> 00:55:42.000
I mean, you're going into the fourth month,

1031
00:55:42.200 --> 00:55:45.440
like, look, there's something has to be had.

1032
00:55:45.640 --> 00:55:48.480
All right, so your assignment is to be

1033
00:55:48.680 --> 00:55:51.560
prayerfully discerning, not pressure.

1034
00:55:51.760 --> 00:55:54.200
Simply, can we build a healthy future

1035
00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:57.200
together if you want to go in exclusivity?

1036
00:55:57.400 --> 00:55:59.240
You're gathering information about him.

1037
00:55:59.440 --> 00:56:00.840
Is someone I could build a life with?

1038
00:56:00.840 --> 00:56:02.720
Can we repair conflict in healthy ways?

1039
00:56:02.920 --> 00:56:05.520
By 90 days, you will know some of this

1040
00:56:05.720 --> 00:56:07.760
because you're going to have conflict because you're human.

1041
00:56:07.960 --> 00:56:11.640
Does he consistently pursue God through the way he lives?

1042
00:56:11.840 --> 00:56:13.920
That's a real thing.

1043
00:56:14.120 --> 00:56:17.040
Unless it doesn't matter to you, if it doesn't matter, it's OK.

1044
00:56:17.040 --> 00:56:18.400
It just don't matter. You're not there.

1045
00:56:18.600 --> 00:56:22.320
It's just not everybody is something different, somewhere different.

1046
00:56:22.520 --> 00:56:24.720
OK, that's just everybody has a different

1047
00:56:24.720 --> 00:56:31.520
level of the type of man they they desire, where they are spiritually.

1048
00:56:31.720 --> 00:56:33.840
Can he communicate honestly without fear?

1049
00:56:34.040 --> 00:56:34.920
So I'm sorry.

1050
00:56:35.120 --> 00:56:38.040
So does he consistently pursue God through the way he lives?

1051
00:56:38.240 --> 00:56:41.760
Can I trust his character, not just his intentions?

1052
00:56:41.960 --> 00:56:44.320
This is 90 days, three months.

1053
00:56:44.520 --> 00:56:47.080
Now, remember, commitment doesn't create character.

1054
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:49.280
It reveals it.

1055
00:56:50.400 --> 00:56:53.160
Commitment doesn't create character.

1056
00:56:53.200 --> 00:56:54.680
It actually reveals it.

1057
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:57.280
I was just telling somebody the other day,

1058
00:56:57.480 --> 00:57:01.520
I wonder if we were in a committed relationship, would I see the true person?

1059
00:57:01.720 --> 00:57:05.920
You will see more because when people commit, they feel like they got you

1060
00:57:06.120 --> 00:57:08.600
and they kind of relax.

1061
00:57:09.240 --> 00:57:11.200
Just like a woman, when she with somebody,

1062
00:57:11.400 --> 00:57:13.480
she's happy, she can be looking like a butterball.

1063
00:57:13.680 --> 00:57:15.360
Soon is that relationship.

1064
00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:18.280
Oh, the first thing she's going to get on her die, she's going to lose her weight.

1065
00:57:18.280 --> 00:57:19.040
She's going to do this.

1066
00:57:19.040 --> 00:57:21.360
She's going to get her life back when you had lost your life.

1067
00:57:21.560 --> 00:57:25.400
You let everything go because you were comfortable.

1068
00:57:26.160 --> 00:57:29.760
You had to a man and a man gone, you like, I got to get back on it.

1069
00:57:29.960 --> 00:57:31.240
I got to get back on my game.

1070
00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:33.320
I'm not going out like this. Right.

1071
00:57:33.520 --> 00:57:34.960
It's OK. Nothing wrong with it.

1072
00:57:35.160 --> 00:57:37.120
I'm just telling you. All right.

1073
00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:38.800
Questions that fit this assignment.

1074
00:57:39.000 --> 00:57:40.320
OK, I'm going to wrap it up.

1075
00:57:40.520 --> 00:57:43.200
What do you believe marriage is designed to be?

1076
00:57:43.400 --> 00:57:46.280
These are the type of questions you're going to ask this man at level three.

1077
00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:48.120
What role does faith play?

1078
00:57:48.320 --> 00:57:50.240
Did we talk about that? Did I say this already?

1079
00:57:50.400 --> 00:57:51.400
I think so. Sorry.

1080
00:57:51.600 --> 00:57:52.800
Thanks. Thanks, Sarah.

1081
00:57:53.000 --> 00:57:54.400
All right.

1082
00:57:55.040 --> 00:57:58.120
Common mistakes is Russian exclusivity because of your emotions,

1083
00:57:58.120 --> 00:58:01.320
ignoring unresolved concerns because you don't want to lose a relationship.

1084
00:58:01.320 --> 00:58:03.120
That's a real thing. We hear this every day.

1085
00:58:03.320 --> 00:58:03.960
Seriously.

1086
00:58:04.160 --> 00:58:07.520
Stopping curiosity because the relationship has become exclusive.

1087
00:58:07.720 --> 00:58:10.880
Just because you go exclusive doesn't mean you stop a curiosity.

1088
00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:13.120
Actually, you get more curious.

1089
00:58:13.320 --> 00:58:15.240
All right. Hard work that's happening.

1090
00:58:15.440 --> 00:58:16.960
God is continuing to grow you.

1091
00:58:17.160 --> 00:58:18.400
Discernment is happening.

1092
00:58:18.600 --> 00:58:21.680
Peace, wisdom, healthy communication, healthy boundaries.

1093
00:58:21.880 --> 00:58:24.320
When you get to about 90 days, everybody's excited.

1094
00:58:24.520 --> 00:58:25.640
And so is your little body.

1095
00:58:25.840 --> 00:58:28.120
So right. So even before then.

1096
00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:32.560
So, you know, y'all, you know, we've been down that road before.

1097
00:58:32.760 --> 00:58:37.800
And so you have to boundaries are for you and they come with you.

1098
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:42.240
Got to have some some grit to stick to things that I'm doing right now.

1099
00:58:42.440 --> 00:58:43.880
You think you're going to be going

1100
00:58:44.040 --> 00:58:46.640
riding in the car late at night, all up and down the road,

1101
00:58:46.640 --> 00:58:48.320
holding hands, listening to music.

1102
00:58:48.320 --> 00:58:50.720
You think something ain't going to happen in a little while.

1103
00:58:50.920 --> 00:58:52.440
You are sadly mistaken.

1104
00:58:52.640 --> 00:58:56.200
You better go riding in the daytime, out at the sun before it's set.

1105
00:58:56.400 --> 00:59:01.880
OK, like you literally have to get ahead of yourself and say, no, we doing it.

1106
00:59:02.080 --> 00:59:03.320
Don't you worry about it?

1107
00:59:03.520 --> 00:59:04.560
No, no, no.

1108
00:59:04.560 --> 00:59:05.640
Let's go sit at the park.

1109
00:59:05.840 --> 00:59:07.280
I don't care if you're sweating and hot.

1110
00:59:07.480 --> 00:59:08.800
You know yourself.

1111
00:59:09.000 --> 00:59:10.200
So work with yourself.

1112
00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:12.640
But if you're three months, you are going to start if you're

1113
00:59:12.640 --> 00:59:15.360
exclusive and you want to get to know each other, you will start visiting each

1114
00:59:15.360 --> 00:59:17.680
other home. You do want to see how this person lives.

1115
00:59:17.880 --> 00:59:20.920
You've got so these are natural things, but you'll have to be pacing.

1116
00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:23.280
You have to be sure you may want to do game nights.

1117
00:59:23.280 --> 00:59:24.440
I don't know how you want to set up.

1118
00:59:24.440 --> 00:59:27.480
You want to do community day when you all hang out in one person's house.

1119
00:59:27.680 --> 00:59:28.720
You know, something like that.

1120
00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:34.560
There are ways that you can make that thing work for you and your temperament.

1121
00:59:34.760 --> 00:59:37.240
I can't speak for your temperament, right?

1122
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:40.880
OK, so we're going to wrap it up here at 8 o'clock.

1123
00:59:40.880 --> 00:59:44.400
There's an activation, but you guys will get a chance to see it

1124
00:59:44.600 --> 00:59:47.240
because I want you to be able to ask some questions.

1125
00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:48.800
And so let's just take about two

1126
00:59:49.000 --> 00:59:51.600
minutes each and we should be able to get enough in.

1127
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:53.640
Any questions?

1128
00:59:56.160 --> 00:59:57.720
Rachel.

1129
00:59:59.400 --> 00:59:59.920
Yeah.

1130
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.120
This is really timely that we're talking about this

1131
01:00:04.120 --> 01:00:08.520
because in the question that you asked

1132
01:00:08.520 --> 01:00:10.400
about what is our assignment right now?

1133
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:14.540
And I was like, I don't know, I'm working so much.

1134
01:00:14.540 --> 01:00:17.080
I can't even think through that.

1135
01:00:17.080 --> 01:00:22.080
And then I wrote down just, you know,

1136
01:00:22.440 --> 01:00:24.320
not long after you asked that,

1137
01:00:24.320 --> 01:00:27.160
I think my assignment is to create capacity

1138
01:00:27.160 --> 01:00:28.820
for a relationship.

1139
01:00:30.440 --> 01:00:35.440
Because it is my nature to dive in to work.

1140
01:00:36.200 --> 01:00:37.360
I love what I do.

1141
01:00:37.360 --> 01:00:39.240
I'm a graphic designer.

1142
01:00:39.240 --> 01:00:43.640
And so I almost always work more than 40 hours

1143
01:00:43.640 --> 01:00:48.640
because I love it so much, but then I'm wiped out.

1144
01:00:49.000 --> 01:00:51.960
And I don't have, you know,

1145
01:00:51.960 --> 01:00:55.720
and the idea of dating is intimidating

1146
01:00:55.720 --> 01:00:58.280
and, you know, I'm nervous about that.

1147
01:00:58.280 --> 01:01:03.280
And so I think I need to be prayerful

1148
01:01:05.560 --> 01:01:07.480
and ask God to help me,

1149
01:01:09.200 --> 01:01:13.960
show me how, what it is that I need to do.

1150
01:01:13.960 --> 01:01:18.960
And one thing, sorry, I'm apparently chatting,

1151
01:01:19.040 --> 01:01:20.120
chatty tonight.

1152
01:01:22.920 --> 01:01:27.240
I think I need to be probably more efficient at work as well.

1153
01:01:27.240 --> 01:01:30.120
I probably need to figure out how to streamline

1154
01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:34.620
and rein that in so that I'm not working so much over time.

1155
01:01:37.400 --> 01:01:42.400
I don't know, but what are some other things

1156
01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:47.880
that like, how do you create space in your life?

1157
01:01:50.360 --> 01:01:52.320
I know a lot of people have kids.

1158
01:01:52.320 --> 01:01:55.760
They've, you know, they've got a lot of stuff going on.

1159
01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:56.600
Yeah.

1160
01:01:56.600 --> 01:01:59.680
So we create space in our life by forcing it.

1161
01:01:59.680 --> 01:02:02.680
And so the same way is if you want to go to the gym

1162
01:02:02.680 --> 01:02:04.000
and start working out,

1163
01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:05.960
you're not going to wake up at six all of a sudden

1164
01:02:05.960 --> 01:02:07.760
if you never woke up at six and went to the gym

1165
01:02:07.760 --> 01:02:09.560
and you could pray about it all you want,

1166
01:02:09.560 --> 01:02:10.840
but if you don't get up,

1167
01:02:15.600 --> 01:02:19.560
if you don't get up and force yourself to do something,

1168
01:02:19.560 --> 01:02:22.180
for starting is the place.

1169
01:02:23.180 --> 01:02:25.900
So pray as you start.

1170
01:02:26.740 --> 01:02:27.980
Okay.

1171
01:02:27.980 --> 01:02:31.540
Pray while you're making your dating app.

1172
01:02:31.540 --> 01:02:32.820
Oh, okay.

1173
01:02:32.820 --> 01:02:35.080
Pray while you're doing something.

1174
01:02:36.540 --> 01:02:37.500
Okay.

1175
01:02:37.500 --> 01:02:38.820
So take action.

1176
01:02:40.220 --> 01:02:42.580
I thought you had a dating app, Rachel.

1177
01:02:42.580 --> 01:02:43.980
I do have a dating app.

1178
01:02:43.980 --> 01:02:47.380
I, and I do look at it, but I am not,

1179
01:02:47.380 --> 01:02:50.780
I, it actually needs to be updated.

1180
01:02:50.780 --> 01:02:52.820
The pictures are outdated.

1181
01:02:54.460 --> 01:02:59.460
So I need, I need to update that.

1182
01:02:59.820 --> 01:03:01.180
Well, let me deal with that.

1183
01:03:01.180 --> 01:03:02.300
Don't update nothing.

1184
01:03:02.300 --> 01:03:04.420
Just get a date the way you look on that picture

1185
01:03:04.420 --> 01:03:05.900
because you're still pretty.

1186
01:03:05.900 --> 01:03:09.860
And so unless you got prettier over the last year,

1187
01:03:09.860 --> 01:03:11.260
this just happened last year.

1188
01:03:11.260 --> 01:03:12.540
How old are the pictures?

1189
01:03:12.540 --> 01:03:13.940
Were you 16?

1190
01:03:13.940 --> 01:03:14.780
No.

1191
01:03:15.660 --> 01:03:17.260
No, I'm trying to think.

1192
01:03:17.260 --> 01:03:21.740
They might be, might be 20, 23 that I,

1193
01:03:21.740 --> 01:03:23.300
that I've been on that app.

1194
01:03:23.300 --> 01:03:24.340
Yes, fine.

1195
01:03:24.340 --> 01:03:26.780
I just don't want you to say I'm not going on there

1196
01:03:26.780 --> 01:03:28.260
because I need to update my pictures.

1197
01:03:28.260 --> 01:03:30.620
You need to go on there and get you a date

1198
01:03:30.620 --> 01:03:33.660
and then update your pictures while you on there one day.

1199
01:03:33.660 --> 01:03:34.860
Okay.

1200
01:03:34.860 --> 01:03:37.420
Because you're real small, so you ain't gained no,

1201
01:03:37.420 --> 01:03:38.860
you ain't that big if you did.

1202
01:03:38.860 --> 01:03:40.700
No, I haven't gained anyway.

1203
01:03:40.700 --> 01:03:41.540
That's how they care about it.

1204
01:03:41.540 --> 01:03:44.180
If you ain't too thick, then you was on the picture.

1205
01:03:44.180 --> 01:03:45.180
People don't like to show up,

1206
01:03:45.180 --> 01:03:46.580
you way bigger than your picture.

1207
01:03:46.580 --> 01:03:48.780
Man or woman, if you're going to be big, be big.

1208
01:03:48.780 --> 01:03:49.620
It's okay.

1209
01:03:49.620 --> 01:03:50.780
Your size is okay.

1210
01:03:50.780 --> 01:03:53.220
It's just that when you tell me one thing

1211
01:03:53.220 --> 01:03:55.380
and then you show up looking like another thing,

1212
01:03:55.380 --> 01:03:57.620
we got confusion going on in the camp.

1213
01:03:57.620 --> 01:03:58.900
Yeah.

1214
01:03:58.900 --> 01:04:00.980
So that's fine.

1215
01:04:00.980 --> 01:04:03.220
What you do is I need you on that app

1216
01:04:03.220 --> 01:04:04.500
and I need you to make time

1217
01:04:04.500 --> 01:04:06.500
and I want you to take at least 10 minutes a day.

1218
01:04:06.500 --> 01:04:07.780
This your plan.

1219
01:04:07.780 --> 01:04:10.740
You can even pray while you clicking on the picture.

1220
01:04:10.740 --> 01:04:11.580
Okay.

1221
01:04:11.580 --> 01:04:14.300
And find you somebody to go on a date with.

1222
01:04:14.460 --> 01:04:15.300
Okay.

1223
01:04:16.460 --> 01:04:17.300
Okay.

1224
01:04:18.620 --> 01:04:19.940
Okay.

1225
01:04:19.940 --> 01:04:20.780
Yes.

1226
01:04:20.780 --> 01:04:23.140
We're not going to work our lives away.

1227
01:04:23.140 --> 01:04:24.140
Okay?

1228
01:04:24.140 --> 01:04:24.980
Okay.

1229
01:04:24.980 --> 01:04:26.660
When you get your husband and you can work all you want,

1230
01:04:26.660 --> 01:04:28.900
but he ain't going to let you work like this.

1231
01:04:28.900 --> 01:04:31.700
He's going to want his woman at home with him.

1232
01:04:31.700 --> 01:04:32.540
He ain't going to have that.

1233
01:04:32.540 --> 01:04:33.380
He's going to say,

1234
01:04:33.380 --> 01:04:35.140
you're going to have to change them rules at that job.

1235
01:04:35.140 --> 01:04:37.140
Let them people know you can't do it.

1236
01:04:37.140 --> 01:04:38.580
You get a husband talking to you,

1237
01:04:38.580 --> 01:04:41.300
I bet you'll find a way to be efficient at work

1238
01:04:41.300 --> 01:04:42.140
and they may tell you,

1239
01:04:42.140 --> 01:04:44.580
you need to be focused at the house.

1240
01:04:44.580 --> 01:04:45.420
Right?

1241
01:04:45.420 --> 01:04:46.260
You're probably right.

1242
01:04:49.060 --> 01:04:50.580
Okay.

1243
01:04:50.580 --> 01:04:52.660
Update me with a post.

1244
01:04:52.660 --> 01:04:54.860
Let me know how many people you've liked,

1245
01:04:54.860 --> 01:04:56.900
how far those conversations have gone.

1246
01:04:56.900 --> 01:04:58.500
This is exciting.

1247
01:04:58.500 --> 01:04:59.740
Thank you.

1248
01:04:59.740 --> 01:05:00.580
You're welcome.

1249
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.000
Okay, all right, Amy.

1250
01:05:05.100 --> 01:05:06.200
Thank you.

1251
01:05:06.200 --> 01:05:07.400
This is good.

1252
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:13.900
And my question is,

1253
01:05:13.900 --> 01:05:16.000
so I want to tell the,

1254
01:05:16.900 --> 01:05:18.500
of course something's coming on my screen,

1255
01:05:18.500 --> 01:05:23.200
the ladies that like I was so not wanting to date at all

1256
01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:24.200
and scared to death.

1257
01:05:24.200 --> 01:05:26.200
I've been single probably seven years

1258
01:05:26.200 --> 01:05:32.900
and but I made a profile and I set boundaries around it.

1259
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:34.300
Like I check in the morning.

1260
01:05:34.300 --> 01:05:35.400
I check at the night.

1261
01:05:35.400 --> 01:05:37.900
I do not want to be like all day.

1262
01:05:37.900 --> 01:05:43.800
I give that space to respond and and it's good

1263
01:05:43.800 --> 01:05:45.000
and it is a hard balance.

1264
01:05:45.000 --> 01:05:47.100
I have two kids one at home.

1265
01:05:47.100 --> 01:05:48.900
So it's a lot.

1266
01:05:48.900 --> 01:05:52.100
It's it doesn't have to be a lot unless I make it a lot,

1267
01:05:52.100 --> 01:05:52.700
right?

1268
01:05:52.700 --> 01:05:54.800
So anyway, my question is though,

1269
01:05:54.800 --> 01:05:56.300
so I went on a video date.

1270
01:05:56.300 --> 01:05:58.600
I did a Google voice thing figured out.

1271
01:05:58.600 --> 01:06:00.900
You can't do video through Google voice,

1272
01:06:00.900 --> 01:06:02.700
but I'm taking all these suggestions

1273
01:06:02.700 --> 01:06:04.900
because I've never done this before in a healthy way.

1274
01:06:04.900 --> 01:06:06.700
Like I have two kids with two different dads.

1275
01:06:06.700 --> 01:06:09.200
So that just tells you there how well I did that.

1276
01:06:09.200 --> 01:06:16.300
So video date got together with the person

1277
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:19.000
and they're older.

1278
01:06:20.200 --> 01:06:21.700
And I knew that though.

1279
01:06:21.800 --> 01:06:22.500
I'm 50.

1280
01:06:22.500 --> 01:06:23.700
He's 61.

1281
01:06:24.500 --> 01:06:30.400
So Discovery dating and you said I learned my I think

1282
01:06:30.400 --> 01:06:34.600
I heard the let the the lesson tonight three dates,

1283
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:35.500
right?

1284
01:06:35.500 --> 01:06:37.600
So because I when we hung out I was kind of like,

1285
01:06:37.600 --> 01:06:39.600
hmm, what's that cough?

1286
01:06:39.900 --> 01:06:41.400
You know and he had I don't know.

1287
01:06:42.500 --> 01:06:44.000
So I said you smoke.

1288
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:44.700
He said no.

1289
01:06:45.700 --> 01:06:47.300
I just had a cough and I'm like,

1290
01:06:47.300 --> 01:06:48.500
oh, okay.

1291
01:06:48.900 --> 01:06:53.400
So I guess what you said it's a yes to listen.

1292
01:06:53.400 --> 01:06:58.100
No, but like there wasn't any attraction nice person.

1293
01:06:58.500 --> 01:07:01.700
So I guess I have to just do the third date and that's

1294
01:07:01.700 --> 01:07:02.800
why I typed.

1295
01:07:03.600 --> 01:07:09.200
I used to just be too nice and not be honest.

1296
01:07:09.600 --> 01:07:11.400
I want to say this and I won't take too much time,

1297
01:07:11.400 --> 01:07:12.300
but ladies.

1298
01:07:13.300 --> 01:07:17.000
He made a comment in our texting once he was like if

1299
01:07:17.000 --> 01:07:18.700
we ever cook together,

1300
01:07:19.400 --> 01:07:23.200
you can cut the onions and I said text and I was like

1301
01:07:23.200 --> 01:07:27.100
actually I don't mind cutting onions return new paragraph

1302
01:07:27.100 --> 01:07:29.500
and I said to him listen,

1303
01:07:29.600 --> 01:07:33.400
can we not have come like talk about a week because

1304
01:07:33.800 --> 01:07:37.300
I don't even know you and I said it respectfully,

1305
01:07:37.300 --> 01:07:39.700
but I was just like I don't even know you so I really

1306
01:07:39.700 --> 01:07:41.600
would appreciate it makes me feel uncomfortable.

1307
01:07:41.600 --> 01:07:44.600
I'd appreciate if we could just keep it at like casual

1308
01:07:44.800 --> 01:07:46.800
getting to know each other conversation.

1309
01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:47.400
Sound good.

1310
01:07:47.400 --> 01:07:49.300
He said yes and he was respectful for that.

1311
01:07:49.400 --> 01:07:51.200
I've never done anything like that.

1312
01:07:51.600 --> 01:07:55.100
So my question is do I do the third day even though

1313
01:07:55.100 --> 01:07:57.000
I didn't feel like there was any attraction.

1314
01:07:57.200 --> 01:07:57.800
I'm done.

1315
01:07:58.500 --> 01:07:59.000
Yes.

1316
01:08:00.600 --> 01:08:02.400
Yeah, I think you should go on a third day.

1317
01:08:02.500 --> 01:08:02.900
Yeah.

1318
01:08:03.900 --> 01:08:06.700
I think if he's spending like big money you can make

1319
01:08:06.700 --> 01:08:13.900
it make it like if y'all are going and he's taking to

1320
01:08:13.900 --> 01:08:16.399
these expensive restaurants and you know, he's investing

1321
01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:19.500
a lot but you pretty much kind of know you may not

1322
01:08:19.500 --> 01:08:21.700
want to do it after the third date.

1323
01:08:22.000 --> 01:08:24.000
You can go meet him at a coffee shop.

1324
01:08:24.300 --> 01:08:27.300
You can do something that's light like because you

1325
01:08:27.300 --> 01:08:29.200
kind of already know which way you're leaning.

1326
01:08:29.800 --> 01:08:31.399
We only went to Panera.

1327
01:08:32.100 --> 01:08:34.300
Oh, yeah, he'll be I going on.

1328
01:08:34.500 --> 01:08:36.200
Well, I don't want to set it up like that because

1329
01:08:36.200 --> 01:08:38.100
then I feel like I owe something.

1330
01:08:39.399 --> 01:08:41.200
Yeah, that's a real thing.

1331
01:08:41.800 --> 01:08:45.000
No, I'm meeting another guy on Thursday at Barnes

1332
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:45.800
and Noble.

1333
01:08:46.300 --> 01:08:47.100
That's good.

1334
01:08:47.800 --> 01:08:50.399
If you know, you can't handle the pressure when someone

1335
01:08:50.399 --> 01:08:53.100
like spends a lot of money like if you haven't worked

1336
01:08:53.100 --> 01:08:56.100
it too, and you know, you're going to feel more obligated

1337
01:08:56.100 --> 01:08:56.600
to them.

1338
01:08:57.100 --> 01:09:00.000
I think that it is best to set up days that are lighter.

1339
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:01.000
I've done it.

1340
01:09:01.800 --> 01:09:02.899
I've done that before.

1341
01:09:04.300 --> 01:09:08.200
I know I did not have the muscle when I was still feel

1342
01:09:08.200 --> 01:09:09.300
like I owe them something.

1343
01:09:09.300 --> 01:09:11.500
So maybe I'll talk to them longer than I should or

1344
01:09:11.500 --> 01:09:12.200
something like that.

1345
01:09:12.200 --> 01:09:13.000
They won't get them.

1346
01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:15.700
Yeah, but still I know that.

1347
01:09:15.899 --> 01:09:17.899
That takes some time to grow.

1348
01:09:19.899 --> 01:09:22.500
No, you don't have to do a video chat first or you go

1349
01:09:22.500 --> 01:09:23.800
you can go straight to coffee.

1350
01:09:25.399 --> 01:09:26.700
Yeah, you can go straight to coffee.

1351
01:09:27.000 --> 01:09:29.000
This is no rule about that.

1352
01:09:29.000 --> 01:09:31.100
That's what it's comfortable for a person.

1353
01:09:31.700 --> 01:09:32.200
All right.

1354
01:09:33.899 --> 01:09:34.500
Sheree.

1355
01:09:34.700 --> 01:09:41.600
So I posted in the community about I've been on the

1356
01:09:41.600 --> 01:09:45.700
apps and but I keep constantly getting this question.

1357
01:09:45.700 --> 01:09:48.300
I don't know if you saw my post constantly getting this

1358
01:09:48.300 --> 01:09:50.600
question on how long have you been single?

1359
01:09:52.000 --> 01:09:58.600
And I'm not sure how long I've been single, but I've

1360
01:09:58.600 --> 01:09:59.100
been

1361
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.000
And I, and I, and I said to, and Carla answered me

1362
01:10:05.240 --> 01:10:07.360
and she, and she, that's the reason why I said

1363
01:10:07.360 --> 01:10:11.560
I needed to work on my confidence is because she said,

1364
01:10:11.560 --> 01:10:15.380
she, she, cause I feel pressure to answer the question.

1365
01:10:16.640 --> 01:10:20.920
And, and I, and I, I, the, the, I've been,

1366
01:10:20.920 --> 01:10:23.280
I've been single, I've only been in one real,

1367
01:10:23.280 --> 01:10:25.400
one real relationship.

1368
01:10:25.400 --> 01:10:27.500
And that was in my mid thirties.

1369
01:10:27.500 --> 01:10:31.220
And he was literally my first everything.

1370
01:10:33.060 --> 01:10:35.260
And I thought I was going to marry him

1371
01:10:35.260 --> 01:10:36.260
and everything like that.

1372
01:10:36.260 --> 01:10:39.700
And when it, it, it ended him calling me on the phone

1373
01:10:39.700 --> 01:10:43.020
and saying, I don't see myself marrying you.

1374
01:10:43.020 --> 01:10:47.660
And I think subconsciously, probably consciously,

1375
01:10:47.660 --> 01:10:48.500
I don't know.

1376
01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:51.860
I think that's damaged myself, my self-confidence

1377
01:10:51.860 --> 01:10:53.860
or my self-esteem when it comes,

1378
01:10:53.860 --> 01:10:56.460
when it comes to men in general.

1379
01:10:56.460 --> 01:11:00.180
And so, so like, so to be questioned all the time,

1380
01:11:00.180 --> 01:11:01.780
how long have you been single?

1381
01:11:01.780 --> 01:11:05.660
It sends me back to that situation of like,

1382
01:11:05.660 --> 01:11:08.820
and so I've, I, I think ever since then I've struggled

1383
01:11:08.820 --> 01:11:11.100
with I'm not good enough.

1384
01:11:12.600 --> 01:11:15.500
And so now I don't, and so, so when you asked

1385
01:11:15.500 --> 01:11:18.740
what we were working on is our self-confidence.

1386
01:11:18.740 --> 01:11:20.940
And then you said, we need to create a plan.

1387
01:11:20.940 --> 01:11:25.940
I don't know how to create a plan to build my self-confidence.

1388
01:11:26.180 --> 01:11:30.020
Yeah, so, so I saw that Carla responded to you.

1389
01:11:30.020 --> 01:11:31.500
I did see that question.

1390
01:11:31.500 --> 01:11:35.660
And I know Carla's very thorough in her responses.

1391
01:11:35.660 --> 01:11:38.420
And so, but I will say this, you know, Sheree,

1392
01:11:38.420 --> 01:11:42.340
I don't know what all Carla, Carla said in her response,

1393
01:11:42.340 --> 01:11:44.220
but I will add this.

1394
01:11:44.220 --> 01:11:47.600
So there are only two statuses, single and married.

1395
01:11:48.500 --> 01:11:49.780
So you never been married.

1396
01:11:49.780 --> 01:11:53.620
So that means that that person is single too,

1397
01:11:54.460 --> 01:11:56.900
unless they were married last year.

1398
01:11:56.900 --> 01:12:00.820
So maybe better put in your process of thinking is,

1399
01:12:00.820 --> 01:12:02.820
you have an active dating life.

1400
01:12:02.820 --> 01:12:07.100
You dated somebody last year, is that right?

1401
01:12:07.100 --> 01:12:08.220
Yes.

1402
01:12:08.220 --> 01:12:11.500
So when somebody says, how long have you been single?

1403
01:12:11.500 --> 01:12:13.940
I haven't been in a committed relationship for a while,

1404
01:12:13.940 --> 01:12:15.780
but I have an active dating life.

1405
01:12:19.240 --> 01:12:21.420
So your concern is that they're going to feel

1406
01:12:21.420 --> 01:12:23.400
like you haven't dated anybody.

1407
01:12:24.620 --> 01:12:27.820
Because it wouldn't be single, married,

1408
01:12:27.820 --> 01:12:30.780
or how long it's been since you've been in a relationship.

1409
01:12:32.260 --> 01:12:34.660
But people are, we have people

1410
01:12:34.660 --> 01:12:35.940
who don't be ever be in a relationship.

1411
01:12:35.940 --> 01:12:39.700
They just serially date people, serial daters.

1412
01:12:39.700 --> 01:12:41.340
That's a real thing.

1413
01:12:41.340 --> 01:12:43.700
And so I hope that question just brings a little bit more

1414
01:12:43.700 --> 01:12:45.480
peace to that process for you.

1415
01:12:46.900 --> 01:12:50.260
Because you do date, you're on a dating site.

1416
01:12:50.260 --> 01:12:52.540
And so you can say, wow, I haven't,

1417
01:12:52.540 --> 01:12:54.380
if you're asking about a committed relationship,

1418
01:12:54.380 --> 01:12:55.660
there's been a while for me.

1419
01:12:55.660 --> 01:12:57.740
I look forward to my next one

1420
01:12:57.740 --> 01:12:59.620
that will hopefully lead to marriage,

1421
01:12:59.620 --> 01:13:01.280
but I do practice dating.

1422
01:13:05.440 --> 01:13:06.280
Okay.

1423
01:13:06.280 --> 01:13:09.100
So, and then the next thing is we build confidence

1424
01:13:09.100 --> 01:13:14.100
by taking opportunities in areas we feel fear knocking.

1425
01:13:14.700 --> 01:13:17.120
You're going to always feel fear knocking.

1426
01:13:17.120 --> 01:13:18.460
If you don't feel fear knocking,

1427
01:13:18.460 --> 01:13:20.420
that means you're somewhere hiding in a cave.

1428
01:13:20.420 --> 01:13:22.900
And even when you're hiding in a cave, fear is knocking.

1429
01:13:22.900 --> 01:13:24.780
That's why you're in the cave.

1430
01:13:24.780 --> 01:13:27.380
The Bible says Gideon was hiding in the wine press

1431
01:13:27.380 --> 01:13:28.660
when the Lord came to him and said,

1432
01:13:28.660 --> 01:13:31.580
you man of valor, he said, who are you talking to?

1433
01:13:31.580 --> 01:13:32.420
You talking to me?

1434
01:13:32.420 --> 01:13:33.700
Who? Me.

1435
01:13:33.700 --> 01:13:38.360
So we build confidence that when we hear fear knocking,

1436
01:13:38.360 --> 01:13:41.460
we answer with courage, no matter what that thing is.

1437
01:13:44.860 --> 01:13:46.840
And so I want you to start evaluating.

1438
01:13:46.840 --> 01:13:49.500
Ask the Lord, where's fear knocking in my life

1439
01:13:49.540 --> 01:13:50.980
that I need to step up?

1440
01:13:52.340 --> 01:13:54.900
Because you can put on something pretty,

1441
01:13:54.900 --> 01:13:56.140
you can do your hair,

1442
01:13:56.140 --> 01:13:59.540
but that's not going to translate to inward transformation.

1443
01:13:59.540 --> 01:14:01.500
It's just going to be an outward look.

1444
01:14:01.500 --> 01:14:03.660
Because the next day when you bloated,

1445
01:14:03.660 --> 01:14:06.580
you're going to talk about yourself all day.

1446
01:14:06.580 --> 01:14:08.580
Okay. Next time your stomach get bloated

1447
01:14:08.580 --> 01:14:09.740
because it's that time of the month,

1448
01:14:09.740 --> 01:14:11.180
you're going to feel terrible.

1449
01:14:11.180 --> 01:14:13.140
You're going to feel like you're fat and you're ugly

1450
01:14:13.140 --> 01:14:15.140
and you're da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

1451
01:14:15.140 --> 01:14:16.860
You know how we do it.

1452
01:14:16.860 --> 01:14:18.660
And so you want to build confidence

1453
01:14:18.660 --> 01:14:20.140
by doing things like that.

1454
01:14:20.140 --> 01:14:21.720
Another way you could build confidence is,

1455
01:14:21.720 --> 01:14:25.460
I don't know if you have a, if you do physical activity,

1456
01:14:25.460 --> 01:14:28.860
but start going to the gym, start lifting weights,

1457
01:14:28.860 --> 01:14:31.140
start being consistent in the gym,

1458
01:14:31.140 --> 01:14:33.440
start being consistent in,

1459
01:14:33.440 --> 01:14:35.500
even if you don't make your bed up every morning,

1460
01:14:35.500 --> 01:14:36.980
I'm just giving you simple stuff.

1461
01:14:36.980 --> 01:14:38.900
Start making your bed up every morning.

1462
01:14:38.900 --> 01:14:41.020
It builds confidence in you.

1463
01:14:41.020 --> 01:14:43.800
It's a simple thing that takes about three minutes,

1464
01:14:43.800 --> 01:14:45.340
but when you start doing it consistently,

1465
01:14:45.340 --> 01:14:47.340
it will be your first win of the day.

1466
01:14:47.340 --> 01:14:49.180
You will begin to feel like a winner.

1467
01:14:51.900 --> 01:14:56.100
That is a real fact and it will build it in you.

1468
01:14:56.100 --> 01:14:58.560
You need to start seeing yourself win.

1469
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.640
Start being consistent in something, even if it's to eat a prebiotic food every day,

1470
01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:12.880
like kimchi, to help heal your gut. I don't care to help your gut be healthy. Anything that you

1471
01:15:12.880 --> 01:15:18.080
can do to put your hands to be consistent tells you that you're a winner and you can accomplish

1472
01:15:18.080 --> 01:15:24.000
things. Confidence is based on your inward ability to know that you can do a thing.

1473
01:15:24.960 --> 01:15:32.480
My students say this, I can, I will, nothing's gonna stop me, not even myself. We say this

1474
01:15:32.480 --> 01:15:39.360
every morning, I can, I will, nothing's gonna stop me, not even myself. And then they say this,

1475
01:15:39.360 --> 01:15:48.880
when fear comes a knocking, I will answer with courage. My kids say, I got grit, I won't quit.

1476
01:15:48.880 --> 01:15:57.120
They're right. Now I want you to stop saying it. What do you think you can do? I want you to post

1477
01:15:57.120 --> 01:16:01.200
it. If you know before we get off the call, put it in the chat. We're going to wrap up here in

1478
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:04.240
a minute, but I want you to post something you want to start putting your hands to,

1479
01:16:04.960 --> 01:16:11.040
that you want to start doing. So do you go to the gym? No, I should, but I don't.

1480
01:16:12.000 --> 01:16:14.400
I need accountability in that area.

1481
01:16:17.040 --> 01:16:22.800
Going to the gym will build confidence in you. Who can attest to that? Like when you start being

1482
01:16:22.800 --> 01:16:28.960
consistent in the gym, it just spills over to other parts of your life. It's just something

1483
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:32.880
about it. I don't care if you go in there for 10 minutes, baby, you walk out there like I did the

1484
01:16:32.880 --> 01:16:39.120
thing. I did it. I did it. I did it. I need accountability partner. Who wants to be my

1485
01:16:39.360 --> 01:16:44.160
accountability? Me? Post every day you went to the gym. Been there, done, been there, and back.

1486
01:16:44.160 --> 01:16:49.760
It just posted. No, I'm waiting to hear from you. Okay. We're waiting to hear from you,

1487
01:16:49.760 --> 01:16:54.240
but I just, I want you to pick something. Even if you say, okay, when you get to the house,

1488
01:16:54.240 --> 01:16:59.120
I'm going to set my time and walk around my living room one time. I'm going to walk around

1489
01:16:59.120 --> 01:17:03.920
the living room two times. That's simple. Start right there. You're going to feel,

1490
01:17:03.920 --> 01:17:11.520
I said I would do it. I kept my word. I did it. I'm a winner. It's just as simple to become a

1491
01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:17.920
winner. I did what I said I was going to do. And that's why even when we make small goals

1492
01:17:17.920 --> 01:17:21.840
and we don't accomplish it, you have to know something is working against you,

1493
01:17:22.560 --> 01:17:28.560
trying to stop you from being a winner because the spirit realm recognizes and knows if you ever,

1494
01:17:29.280 --> 01:17:34.800
if you ever get reminded of the more than a conqueror that lives on the inside of you,

1495
01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:42.480
nothing can stop you. This is the truth that if you ever get a glimpse of your real DNA,

1496
01:17:43.120 --> 01:17:49.920
nothing can stop you. That if you ever get a glimpse of the overcoming power on the inside of

1497
01:17:49.920 --> 01:17:58.320
you, nothing by any means will stop you from reaching your goals. And that's why things work

1498
01:17:58.320 --> 01:18:05.920
against us in the simplest of forms, like saying a declaration every day. It takes you all of 20

1499
01:18:05.920 --> 01:18:10.960
seconds and it don't come out your mouth. You start out strong and fall out. Okay. There's

1500
01:18:10.960 --> 01:18:16.320
power in what comes out of our mouth. All right, Sheree, that's how you're going to build your

1501
01:18:16.320 --> 01:18:19.920
confidence. So we're going to do this. We got this. So whatever you pick, it doesn't have to

1502
01:18:19.920 --> 01:18:23.600
be the gym, but you're going to pick something. Pick the easiest, simplest, even something that's

1503
01:18:23.600 --> 01:18:34.320
laughable. Pick something laughable and do it. Okay. All right. Rachel, you say you want to

1504
01:18:34.320 --> 01:18:43.200
share something that you do with Amy? Oh, I was going to share when Rachel,

1505
01:18:43.200 --> 01:18:52.000
the other Rachel was sharing. One of the things that I've done is set goals for 90 days.

1506
01:18:52.960 --> 01:18:58.000
And basically like I spent some time with the Lord at the beginning of every quarter. Well,

1507
01:18:58.000 --> 01:19:03.680
I haven't done it this quarter. I've been like all over the place, but I sit with the Lord and

1508
01:19:03.680 --> 01:19:10.160
I asked the Lord, Hey Lord, I look at the previous quarter. I look at my spiritual life, health,

1509
01:19:10.880 --> 01:19:16.880
wealth, and relationships. And then I look at how did the last three months have gone?

1510
01:19:16.880 --> 01:19:21.920
And then I spent time with the Lord and say, okay, where do I need to focus my time with

1511
01:19:22.480 --> 01:19:30.800
and my energy? And then on these four quadrants of my life. And then I put down some goals like, okay,

1512
01:19:31.840 --> 01:19:37.280
if I say I want to walk three times a week, I'm going to write that down.

1513
01:19:37.760 --> 01:19:45.360
Um, if my wealth is, I want to do my, I want to do my cashflow statement at the end of every month,

1514
01:19:46.240 --> 01:19:54.320
like I write it down and then I do that for three months. And then, but every month I revisit the

1515
01:19:54.320 --> 01:19:58.560
goals. Like if for my relationship, I say, I want to,

1516
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.640
go to one event for the month.

1517
01:20:02.640 --> 01:20:04.720
Like it doesn't matter if I go by myself,

1518
01:20:04.720 --> 01:20:06.840
it might be a comedy show,

1519
01:20:06.840 --> 01:20:08.560
just to get myself,

1520
01:20:08.560 --> 01:20:11.120
especially in the areas I'm struggling with,

1521
01:20:11.120 --> 01:20:15.040
like just to get myself to do something,

1522
01:20:15.040 --> 01:20:17.120
then I'll write that down.

1523
01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:20.040
And then that's for the three months,

1524
01:20:20.040 --> 01:20:21.440
and then for each month,

1525
01:20:21.440 --> 01:20:22.760
like I spend time and look,

1526
01:20:22.760 --> 01:20:25.980
okay, are there any specific things

1527
01:20:25.980 --> 01:20:29.520
that in those four quadrants that I want to do,

1528
01:20:29.520 --> 01:20:31.160
that is specific to that particular month?

1529
01:20:31.160 --> 01:20:33.800
Like, let's say that there is an artist coming to town

1530
01:20:33.800 --> 01:20:35.920
that I'm like, okay, I want to attend this.

1531
01:20:35.920 --> 01:20:36.740
And then I look at,

1532
01:20:36.740 --> 01:20:38.720
oh, what is the financial requirement for me

1533
01:20:38.720 --> 01:20:41.680
to accomplish this goal?

1534
01:20:41.680 --> 01:20:44.960
Like, is it going to cost me $50 to go there?

1535
01:20:44.960 --> 01:20:47.860
I put it down so that when I'm budgeting,

1536
01:20:47.860 --> 01:20:51.600
I can allocate $50 for it.

1537
01:20:51.600 --> 01:20:53.560
But this is all I wanted to share.

1538
01:20:53.560 --> 01:20:55.800
It's just, instead of,

1539
01:20:55.800 --> 01:20:59.280
for me, 90 days feels more doable

1540
01:21:00.040 --> 01:21:01.240
than trying to do like,

1541
01:21:02.720 --> 01:21:05.160
I feel like not only I sit with the Lord,

1542
01:21:05.160 --> 01:21:06.800
but also like it allows me,

1543
01:21:06.800 --> 01:21:08.640
it's shorter.

1544
01:21:08.640 --> 01:21:11.760
Like if I say I want to read three books about marriage,

1545
01:21:11.760 --> 01:21:14.560
like it feels shorter than just,

1546
01:21:14.560 --> 01:21:15.760
and then when I come from work,

1547
01:21:15.760 --> 01:21:16.640
because I'm a teacher,

1548
01:21:16.640 --> 01:21:18.360
like when I come from work,

1549
01:21:18.360 --> 01:21:20.040
my days are not wasted,

1550
01:21:20.040 --> 01:21:21.920
like laying around doing nothing.

1551
01:21:21.920 --> 01:21:24.120
There's nothing with laying around doing nothing,

1552
01:21:24.120 --> 01:21:25.200
especially after teaching,

1553
01:21:25.200 --> 01:21:28.000
because teaching is draining sometimes, right?

1554
01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:29.240
But I think for me,

1555
01:21:29.240 --> 01:21:30.320
sometimes it can be like,

1556
01:21:30.320 --> 01:21:31.800
oh, I have nothing to do.

1557
01:21:31.800 --> 01:21:35.760
And then my days go by for nothing.

1558
01:21:35.760 --> 01:21:36.960
So I think for me,

1559
01:21:36.960 --> 01:21:38.200
it's helpful that,

1560
01:21:38.200 --> 01:21:40.680
okay, if I say I want to read three books,

1561
01:21:40.680 --> 01:21:42.100
when I get home,

1562
01:21:42.100 --> 01:21:43.160
if I say I'm going to walk,

1563
01:21:43.160 --> 01:21:45.120
that means I'm going to get home,

1564
01:21:45.120 --> 01:21:45.960
I'm going to do this,

1565
01:21:45.960 --> 01:21:46.800
I'm going to do this,

1566
01:21:46.800 --> 01:21:47.620
I'm going to do that.

1567
01:21:47.620 --> 01:21:50.480
So anyway, that's all I wanted to share.

1568
01:21:50.480 --> 01:21:51.800
Yeah, that's really good.

1569
01:21:51.800 --> 01:21:53.760
And I think for Edwidge too,

1570
01:21:53.760 --> 01:21:55.400
if you're still on the line,

1571
01:21:55.400 --> 01:21:56.880
I think that's a really good thing.

1572
01:21:56.880 --> 01:21:58.760
I don't think she's still here,

1573
01:21:58.760 --> 01:22:00.740
but yeah, you are.

1574
01:22:00.740 --> 01:22:03.600
I think looking at your life spiritually,

1575
01:22:03.600 --> 01:22:05.600
physically, emotionally,

1576
01:22:05.600 --> 01:22:07.800
mentally, and financially,

1577
01:22:07.800 --> 01:22:10.040
if you look at where you are in those areas,

1578
01:22:10.040 --> 01:22:11.440
it'll give you a good place

1579
01:22:11.440 --> 01:22:13.720
of what needs to be cleaned up.

1580
01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:14.620
I like that.

1581
01:22:16.160 --> 01:22:18.680
Uvalice, I hope I said it right.

1582
01:22:23.320 --> 01:22:24.840
It's, yeah, Uvalice.

1583
01:22:26.880 --> 01:22:28.760
I know, think of it like it's French.

1584
01:22:28.760 --> 01:22:31.960
So Eve, you know, or like Yvonne.

1585
01:22:31.960 --> 01:22:33.200
Eve, Uvalice, yeah.

1586
01:22:33.200 --> 01:22:34.040
Uvalice.

1587
01:22:35.240 --> 01:22:37.640
So I'm just going to put my hand down.

1588
01:22:39.880 --> 01:22:41.600
With this whole discovery thing,

1589
01:22:41.600 --> 01:22:43.560
I've been discovering more,

1590
01:22:43.560 --> 01:22:45.600
like even without a date,

1591
01:22:45.600 --> 01:22:48.360
like last week I had a conversation

1592
01:22:48.360 --> 01:22:50.700
with a friend of mine who we have,

1593
01:22:50.700 --> 01:22:52.520
I don't remember meeting him in person,

1594
01:22:52.520 --> 01:22:55.240
but he remembers in high school.

1595
01:22:55.240 --> 01:22:57.520
And he was friends with my brother,

1596
01:22:57.520 --> 01:22:59.820
my younger dorky brother, I might add.

1597
01:22:59.820 --> 01:23:02.800
So that means that I did not talk to him in high school.

1598
01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:04.240
I was a little bit of a snob,

1599
01:23:04.240 --> 01:23:06.320
but we talk now and we're friends

1600
01:23:06.320 --> 01:23:08.340
and he's not a Christian.

1601
01:23:10.040 --> 01:23:12.580
We talked for four hours last week, one night,

1602
01:23:12.580 --> 01:23:15.460
and we laughed so hard.

1603
01:23:15.460 --> 01:23:19.360
Like, I mean, I got a good ab workout just from that laugh.

1604
01:23:19.360 --> 01:23:21.400
I mean, I woke up sore the next day.

1605
01:23:21.400 --> 01:23:24.920
I mean, I was crying, rolling around, like crying.

1606
01:23:25.600 --> 01:23:26.440
It was so much.

1607
01:23:26.440 --> 01:23:28.960
And I think I just, for me, the discovery,

1608
01:23:28.960 --> 01:23:31.160
I mean, that obviously wasn't a date,

1609
01:23:31.160 --> 01:23:33.360
and I know that nothing will happen with him,

1610
01:23:33.360 --> 01:23:35.520
but it's like, you know what?

1611
01:23:35.520 --> 01:23:38.800
I want to laugh like that with my husband.

1612
01:23:38.800 --> 01:23:39.760
Like I want that.

1613
01:23:39.760 --> 01:23:40.720
It doesn't have to be every day,

1614
01:23:40.720 --> 01:23:43.660
but I want to be able to egg things on

1615
01:23:43.660 --> 01:23:44.880
and take it to another level

1616
01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:46.880
and just keep on laughing like that.

1617
01:23:46.880 --> 01:23:50.960
Or like I'm here on a work trip in Connecticut right now.

1618
01:23:50.960 --> 01:23:53.000
I live outside of Philadelphia

1619
01:23:53.000 --> 01:23:57.360
and we carpooled and one of the girls that we picked up,

1620
01:23:57.360 --> 01:24:00.760
her house was, she's not a Christian either,

1621
01:24:00.760 --> 01:24:02.580
but like her house was so welcoming.

1622
01:24:02.580 --> 01:24:04.000
And it's like, my gosh,

1623
01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:06.120
I want my house to look like Billy's.

1624
01:24:08.120 --> 01:24:10.640
So I think that that kind of set,

1625
01:24:10.640 --> 01:24:12.480
when you asked about like what our assignment is,

1626
01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:14.800
I think that that's the day that I decided,

1627
01:24:14.800 --> 01:24:16.040
on Sunday when we picked her up,

1628
01:24:16.040 --> 01:24:21.000
like I really need to get my home welcoming

1629
01:24:21.000 --> 01:24:22.880
and just really, I've been a wife.

1630
01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:25.640
I've been a housewife before, but, and I did have that,

1631
01:24:25.640 --> 01:24:28.880
but I've been a single mom and now I'm an empty nester

1632
01:24:28.880 --> 01:24:29.960
and I work a lot.

1633
01:24:29.960 --> 01:24:30.960
And it's like, you know what?

1634
01:24:30.960 --> 01:24:34.800
I need to find that balance too and that space,

1635
01:24:34.800 --> 01:24:36.600
because like somebody here said too,

1636
01:24:36.600 --> 01:24:37.900
like they work a lot,

1637
01:24:38.840 --> 01:24:41.480
and it is a matter of finding that balance and space.

1638
01:24:41.480 --> 01:24:43.600
So just, this has been good,

1639
01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:47.560
just the whole discovery of what I'd like,

1640
01:24:48.560 --> 01:24:53.560
when my husband, in myself, in my home,

1641
01:24:53.640 --> 01:24:56.080
so it's, this has been really, really awesome.

1642
01:24:56.080 --> 01:24:57.400
I just see God doing a lot.

1643
01:24:57.400 --> 01:25:00.400
So I'm excited to see what is going to happen.

1644
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.560
gonna come. You know I like that you said when you saw these things it's like oh I want that

1645
01:25:06.560 --> 01:25:13.600
and sometimes things in front of us actually prompt something on the inside of us and actually

1646
01:25:13.600 --> 01:25:20.960
these desires will usually be the desires that God I'm sorry will be the desires that heaven's

1647
01:25:20.960 --> 01:25:27.440
heaven also desires for us sometimes things just resonate with us really well you know and so I

1648
01:25:27.440 --> 01:25:33.840
like that when you see how somebody else's house is kept okay when you see how somebody else's

1649
01:25:33.840 --> 01:25:37.920
house is kept and you're like oh I want my house like that or I want this so I think those are

1650
01:25:37.920 --> 01:25:45.840
really good goals and I think that that's good yeah yeah I like that um I look at how orderly

1651
01:25:45.840 --> 01:25:52.000
people still be and I'm like I want that myself I just need somebody to help me do it yeah yeah

1652
01:25:52.640 --> 01:25:58.800
thank you for sharing yeah so Sarah you says the ice cream guy wants you to call him you

1653
01:25:58.800 --> 01:26:03.360
left phone calling up to him and you don't really feel like you should call him

1654
01:26:08.800 --> 01:26:14.720
hey do I need to call him or can I just leave it up to him I guess

1655
01:26:15.360 --> 01:26:23.280
it seems like he wants me to call him wait a minute the ice cream guy wants you to call him

1656
01:26:24.080 --> 01:26:30.960
you left phone calling to him he calls you all the time he's called me six to seven times and

1657
01:26:30.960 --> 01:26:37.760
then he says you can call me like I think he expects me to call him we've you know like been

1658
01:26:37.760 --> 01:26:41.680
chatting we started out chatting on Facebook messenger and then we exchanged numbers after

1659
01:26:41.680 --> 01:26:48.240
week and then he's called me multiple times and then he set up a date with me which we had last

1660
01:26:48.240 --> 01:26:53.360
week we went got ice cream that's why he's the ice cream guy and um and and then he said you

1661
01:26:53.360 --> 01:27:02.320
can call me tomorrow night but do I need to yeah you need to call him do you like him

1662
01:27:03.920 --> 01:27:07.600
um he's not a Christian he's not even a nominal Catholic

1663
01:27:08.480 --> 01:27:11.920
he has wearing a cross necklace and I was like asking him about that

1664
01:27:13.680 --> 01:27:20.080
Sarah talking about mute movies with him and some different things so are you interested or not

1665
01:27:20.080 --> 01:27:27.280
interested well he's not a Christian so are you interested or not interested well I guess because

1666
01:27:27.280 --> 01:27:35.280
he's not a Christian no okay you're not interested so what you should tell him hey I I got your I

1667
01:27:35.440 --> 01:27:40.240
I got your I get you I understand your desire me to call you and I think I should have said

1668
01:27:40.240 --> 01:27:47.280
this before now I enjoy you however because you're not a believer I don't want to continue

1669
01:27:47.280 --> 01:27:52.960
moving forward because yes you should call a person yes you have a responsibility to call them

1670
01:27:53.600 --> 01:27:57.200
but so the truth is you don't like him and that's why you don't want to invest because

1671
01:27:57.200 --> 01:28:01.040
maybe something in you says if I call him he's gonna think I like him too

1672
01:28:01.360 --> 01:28:06.800
and you're showing you don't like him by not calling okay I just wasn't sure the boundaries

1673
01:28:06.800 --> 01:28:11.920
like I know we're I don't know isn't that weird because I know we're like already we've been on

1674
01:28:11.920 --> 01:28:18.880
a date and uh and then he's already trying to plan a second date and then he was like you can call me

1675
01:28:20.080 --> 01:28:24.080
well that's because he likes you so that's what he should do yeah and so what you want to do is

1676
01:28:25.040 --> 01:28:31.120
and so what you want to do is just say hey you call him say hey I realize that one of my

1677
01:28:31.120 --> 01:28:36.640
hesitations with calling you is because you're not a believer and for me to move forward with

1678
01:28:36.640 --> 01:28:41.120
getting know you I'm in a romantic way or even on a friendship level and I don't want a friendship

1679
01:28:41.120 --> 01:28:46.560
with you because I'm it was romantic um yeah I can't move forward because you're not a believer

1680
01:28:46.560 --> 01:28:51.280
and that's just one of my non-negotiables and I've enjoyed getting to know you thank you for being so

1681
01:28:51.280 --> 01:28:56.560
willing to reach out to me repeatedly I really appreciate that and I actually appreciate you

1682
01:28:56.560 --> 01:29:02.160
liking me so hard because yeah he has been kind and he has pursued me and it has felt good

1683
01:29:02.800 --> 01:29:08.000
uh but like yeah I just don't see us having something you know I don't want to yeah and you

1684
01:29:08.000 --> 01:29:13.120
should say all of those things to him say those things to him let him hear the truth about how

1685
01:29:13.120 --> 01:29:18.480
he's showing up because that will build confidence in him it's not about letting him down it's about

1686
01:29:18.480 --> 01:29:23.360
being straight up vulnerable not dragging the conversation out not over explaining but this is

1687
01:29:23.360 --> 01:29:30.800
what it is okay thank you you're welcome let us know how it goes okay all right sheree I think

1688
01:29:30.800 --> 01:29:37.120
that's good that you're going to be comfortable by going to the your apartment gym yes go you got

1689
01:29:37.120 --> 01:29:40.720
your apartment got a gym that's a perfect place to start because now you ain't got to pay for no

1690
01:29:40.720 --> 01:29:47.200
membership this is right up your alley go into your apartment gyms two days a week even if you

1691
01:29:47.200 --> 01:29:52.640
have to end up going on a Saturday or Sunday evening don't discount the weekends okay so

1692
01:29:53.520 --> 01:29:59.360
all right ladies it's been great school is back in session my bedtime is 8 30 and so um I enjoy

1693
01:29:59.360 --> 01:29:59.840
all of y'all

1694
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.720
No, I'm late for bed. I go to bed at 8.30. I've enjoyed you all. It has been great. Post your

1695
01:30:06.720 --> 01:30:11.040
questions. I'm excited for all of you. Be on the lookout for the notes and all those questions

1696
01:30:11.040 --> 01:30:15.920
that we talked about. And I look forward to seeing you all again soon. Have the best night ever.

1697
01:30:16.720 --> 01:30:20.640
Good night. Night, everybody. Night.