WEBVTT

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It is almost September.

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Everyone in the gallery is frozen for me.

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I'm assuming I'm frozen as well.

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Great.

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Uh, no, you're not frozen.

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You're just moving a little slow sometimes.

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On, um, it is almost fall.

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It is almost fall.

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I'm going to turn off the video for right now.

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It is almost fall.

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You guys, I cannot believe that.

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And I feel like this year has gone by so, so fast, so fast.

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All right.

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And so you guys, winter will be here before, you know, it's cuffing

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season, as they say, the holidays.

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And so I want you to lock in.

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I want you to give me a thumbs up.

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If you're willing to lock in from now until the end of the year,

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definitely lock in the night.

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Your dating life, your love life, getting a transformation before the end of the year.

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All right.

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Now that I turned my video off, I am here.

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My voice is going in and out.

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Okay.

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All right, guys.

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Hold on a second.

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All right.

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All right.

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So welcome once again to Modern Dating Sucks Book Club.

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This is the last one for 2026.

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I really want you to lock in.

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Let me do a little bit of housekeeping.

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We're going to go a little faster because we've already burned 12 minutes

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of our time together on September 22nd.

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It's going to end on the first day of fall.

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I did that on purpose because I want you to really feel like you're stepping

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into a new season in your relationships.

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And so that is why I decided to do this last book club.

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I wasn't going to do another one.

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This is the smallest book club that we've had this year, but even the

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book club that we've had this year, we're going to be doing it on September 22nd.

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We're going to be doing it out this five weeks together.

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It's glitching again, huh?

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All right.

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Let's power through it.

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All right, you guys.

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Hang on one sec.

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All right, you guys, we're going to try from my phone and see if that's better.

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All right, so you guys, in the meantime, while I'm getting everything set up, because we

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are going to totally pivot, hopefully this is going to work, says that the Wi-Fi is strong,

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but I'm going to go ahead and go with the data on my phone and see if that makes it better.

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In the meantime, Cheryl, I would love for everyone here to go into a breakout

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to introduce themselves to each other. So this is what I want you to do.

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I want you to go into a breakout. I want you to tell everyone who you are.

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You can tell people where you live if you want to. You can tell them another random fact about

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yourself. But I want you to make an intention about what you want to have happen in the next

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five weeks. So why are you here? Why did you join this book club? Not just because you love my book,

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not just because you love me, not just because you like reading books with other people.

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What do you want to see transform in your life in the next five weeks? Okay, so Cheryl,

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if you can go ahead and put them in breakouts while I get all the tech over here on my phone.

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Jackie, may I have co-host rights, please?

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Jackie?

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Because I'm on my phone. But we're going to press through. We're not going to give up.

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It doesn't matter what was going on with the Zoom and the internet. Now I'm on data

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and prayerfully that is going to be just fine for tonight. So as soon as everyone's back,

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let me know when everyone's back in, Cheryl, and we will resume our regularly scheduled broadcast.

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They're all in now. All right. Awesome. Welcome back. I can only see a few of you at a time

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because I'm on my phone, so I can't look at all of your beautiful faces. But once again, welcome.

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And I want to describe a little bit of what this five weeks is going to look like,

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a little orientation tonight. So on the app, you are going to see a few tabs at the top of the app

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where your course material lives. And so you're going to see a community tab. This is where

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you're going to be able to ask me questions. I will be in there answering your questions.

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For the last three book clubs before you, hardly anyone asked questions. I don't know why. You have

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a very successful dating coach, a very successful matchmaker at your fingertips for five weeks and

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no questions. Now I know that we're going to do Q&A during our live sessions, but if you have

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any questions as you're going through the book, as you're going through your homework, as you're

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doing things, please ask them in the app. I will answer them. We do have a bonus Facebook group

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for community purposes. It's difficult kind of to see each other, see each other's faces in the app.

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So if you want to join that, you can. It is under the resource tab in your app group. If you want to

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join it, you can join it. It also has all the folks from the first three book clubs. So expanding your

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community, as you're going to see as we get further into this five weeks, growing your community,

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expanding your community, expanding your social circle is how you're going to meet your match.

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And so the more people you can meet, the better. The more marriage-minded people you can meet,

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the better. The more people you can meet of both sexes, you know, the same gender as you,

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the opposite gender, that is for the better. Because somebody knows somebody who knows

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somebody who knows your spirit mate. That's a direct quote from me, and I have almost 2,000

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matches. Why? Because I believe that somebody knows somebody that knows somebody that knows

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your spirit mate. And so if you continue to shrink that circle of the people that you know,

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we call it the six degrees of separation, you are going to meet people that will introduce you

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to your person. The reason why I'm so confused about the technical problems that we had tonight

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is right before I jumped on book club, I was on the news. I wasn't glitching then. The internet

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worked just fine on the news. I was on a talk show tonight, you guys. I was on a talk show called

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Hot Takes, blah, blah, blah, on some news network.

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news station, and the guy was saying that he met his wife on a dating app, the host

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of the show.

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And I was talking to him about meeting his wife on a dating app, and I said, let me ask

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you a question.

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After you met her, a total stranger on the internet, on a dating app, and you got to

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know her, you started dating her, you started falling in love with her, you guys started

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comparing notes, how quickly did you realize that you knew a whole bunch of the same people

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in common?

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He said, almost immediately, we actually found out we were both from the same small town.

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Shut up, okay?

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This is what I see in matchmaking.

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This is what I see in the almost 2,000 success stories.

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When we play the tapes back, they have similar community.

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They know the same people.

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They know the same people that know the same people.

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You know, somebody's brother went to the same college as the best friend's sister.

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All kinds of shared community, all kinds of shared life.

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And why don't we meet before?

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Because nobody takes the time to do what I call closing the circle.

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Yes, we're all connected, you guys.

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The six degrees of separation says that you are six people away from knowing everyone

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in this eight plus billion world.

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It's scientifically proven.

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It's social science.

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It was proven.

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And you know what?

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It's probably closer because when it was proven, there was less people in the world.

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And now there's more people in the world.

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And so it's probably more like five degrees, four and a half degrees.

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And so that being said, if people take time to really close the gaps, close the circles,

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I believe people will meet their people faster.

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And as you read more into my book, Modern Dating Sucks, you're going to see that it

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is a matchmaking mindset that I'm giving you in that book.

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You're going to see that I'm helping you not only to become your own matchmaker, but

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the matchmaker of others, because I can't do it all.

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And other matchmakers can't do it all.

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A lot of us do have gifts.

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A lot of us have been divinely appointed to help people get married.

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I believe I have, but I can't do it all.

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But I can help you to have the same mindsets and use the same tools and the same intuition

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that I use.

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And this is one of the things that I use.

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I believe that somebody knows somebody who knows your spirit mate.

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And so we've got to start meeting more people and we have to start closing those circles.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Now that I'm on my phone, I needed to plug it in because like most women, my phone's

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about to go dead.

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Why is this?

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Why is my phone always about to go dead?

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And why is my car always about to run out of gas?

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Make it make sense, please.

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Please.

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Okay.

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Some of you ladies are super, super conscientious.

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I am not one of you.

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Okay.

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I think ADHD was named after me.

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I think somehow those initials have something to do with me.

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All right.

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So I am, which also makes me a really great matchmaker because I'm very, very curious

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about very, very, very random things.

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I'm very curious about very random things.

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And that is what makes me close the circles a lot.

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Now this is not going to stay plugged in and also stay in this.

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So I'm going to need to get a different charger.

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Okay.

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All right, friends.

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So in your app, there are tabs.

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There's a community tab.

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There's a question tab.

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Please ask your questions under the question tab.

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If you have a win that you want to share with the group, please put it under the wins tab,

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W-I-N-S, wins.

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Okay.

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Your courses are under the course tab.

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Everything that you need.

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And you notice that it's on a drip.

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And the reason why is because I know y'all.

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You're going to read ahead.

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You're going to get lost in the minutia.

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This is not a race.

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There is no, I promise you, there is no trophy at the end for whoever finishes the homework

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first.

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What I want you to do is I would love for you to process.

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I'd love for you to sit in it.

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I'd love for you to ask yourself those questions and really answer them.

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I'd love for you to have a little journal that you have on the side of this book club

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where you're writing down how you're feeling and what you're learning and also what you're

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sensing.

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And as you're answering those questions, kind of dig deeper.

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You're going to get out of this five weeks, whatever you put into it.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Also in that, those tabs at the top of your app, there's going to be a replay tab.

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If you cannot be here for a live session, okay, but make sure you watch the replay.

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We're not going to record the parts for people in breakouts, not going to be a lot of dead

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air.

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We keep it pretty concise.

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And so make sure that you're watching the replays because we're definitely building

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every single week on what we're learning and where we're going.

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And then the other tab is your event tab.

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That is where the link to our live sessions lives.

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If you ever lose it, it's right there.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Now I'm charging.

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I'm not going to run out of juice and we're ready to move on.

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Okay.

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Does anyone have any questions?

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Put them in the chat.

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Cheryl's my trusty assistant, and I'm so glad that she's here tonight because otherwise

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it would have been a disaster.

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And you know what?

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That should prove to all of you that you can't do this life alone, and I'm not just talking

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about romantic partnership.

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We all need each other, and one of the things that you may learn about yourself during this

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book club is that you've been far too independent, way, way, way too independent, and that's

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part of the reason why you're single.

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You've been over-functioning, you've been independent, you've maybe even been hyper-independent,

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which in my opinion is a trauma response.

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So I'm so glad that Cheryl's here because I need a little help from my friends, and

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so do you.

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A lot of you, for the very first time in your life, are going to get really honest with

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the people that love you about your desire for marriage.

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You're not going to act like you don't care if it happens or not.

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You're not going to act like you don't need anyone.

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You're not going to be desperate.

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You're not going to also be afraid of looking desperate.

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You're going to share with people that know you and care about you your desire to be married,

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and that for some of you is going to be a huge, huge, huge stretch because some of you

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have never, ever told people just how much you think about this.

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When you're going to sleep at night, thinking about being alone, thinking about dying alone.

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You guys, this is real talk.

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This is real talk.

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We all need people.

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We don't just need community.

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We need friendships.

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We need deep friendships.

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We need deep relationships.

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We need intimate relationships.

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We've been created for that.

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It has come to my attention that a lot of you joined this book club today.

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So you joined either in the last 48 hours or you joined in the last 24 hours, and because

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of that, you probably haven't finished the homework, and so I'm going to use tonight

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as an orientation.

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I'm going to use it as a little Q&A.

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I'm going to use it as a fun time of getting to know each other, but then ... Sorry, guys.

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I got the IT team here working on all the stuff, but then ... All right, now we're back.

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Sorry for all the disruptions tonight, you guys.

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The last time that I had any kind of course that was this crazy for the first session,

246
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it ended up being really good.

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So I hope that that's the case here because we have not had this much crazy happen in

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a long time.

249
00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:36.140
Okay, so we're going to give you guys a chance to get that first week done since you just

250
00:17:36.140 --> 00:17:40.220
joined in the last 48 hours, and I'd say that that's probably about 30% to 40% of you.

251
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So I'm not going to make you guys answer too many questions tonight based on that, but

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I am going to do some teaching based on your reading from your very first week of the book

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club.

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Okay?

255
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All right.

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So the very first thing that I'm teaching you in this book club, and we're going to

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go over this now, is that it's not you that's broken, it's the system, and hopefully that

258
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brought a lot of peace to some hearts.

259
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I had a girl tell me the other day she's actually just got out of a really serious boyfriend-girlfriend

260
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relationship.

261
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It felt like it was going to marriage, and now it's not going to marriage.

262
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They decided to go their separate ways.

263
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They decided that they don't want the same things long term, and you guys, that's okay.

264
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I still call that a win.

265
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It might be sad, but I still call it a win.

266
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But this girl ran into me in person.

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She's never met me in person, but she's someone who has been in a class of mine, read a book

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of mine, and she said, the thing that hit me the most of what you teach is that this

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is God's idea.

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So regardless of where you are in your faith, I believe that we've been divinely designed

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to desire relationship at this level.

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I believe we've been divinely designed by God to desire this, and a lot of people will

273
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fight with their design.

274
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They'll get mad at themselves for desiring this.

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I can't tell you how many people have said to me that they've actually prayed and asked

276
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God to take away their desire for marriage because they are so tired of being disappointed.

277
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They think that maybe it'll never happen for them, and because of that fear, they just

278
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don't want to feel the desire for it anymore because the disappointment and the hopelessness

279
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is too strong.

280
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So if that's you, let's go ahead and put that in the chat.

281
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Time to get vulnerable.

282
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Getting vulnerable in this book club is going to be imperative if you want to get freedom.

283
00:19:33.820 --> 00:19:36.280
Go ahead and put that in the chat.

284
00:19:36.280 --> 00:19:40.220
If you felt any level of that, like, man, I just wish I didn't care about this.

285
00:19:40.220 --> 00:19:41.620
I wish that I didn't want this.

286
00:19:41.620 --> 00:19:42.620
It's so hard.

287
00:19:42.620 --> 00:19:47.380
It'd be easier if I just did not care.

288
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I feel so hopeless about it.

289
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I get disappointed all the time.

290
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I'm afraid to get my hopes up.

291
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I'm so afraid to get my hopes up.

292
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Okay, lots of people responding.

293
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.760
to those a lot of you maybe even stop trying maybe you're even surprised that

294
00:20:07.760 --> 00:20:11.480
you're in this book club maybe you're surprised you're surprising yourself

295
00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:14.620
that you join this some of you may have joined it at the last minute in fact the

296
00:20:14.620 --> 00:20:17.040
first time that you heard about it you might have laughed to yourself like

297
00:20:17.040 --> 00:20:23.600
that's so stupid I'm not gonna try so many people that join my program for

298
00:20:23.600 --> 00:20:27.440
marriage minded singles called last year single they tell me that they actually

299
00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:31.920
were angry when they heard about last year single it made them mad they're

300
00:20:31.920 --> 00:20:36.120
just like that's stupid I'm not doing that and then they end up in my program

301
00:20:36.120 --> 00:20:41.240
and they end up getting married because you guys just want to tell you something

302
00:20:41.240 --> 00:20:46.760
anger is hurt and fears bodyguard anger is the bully that shows up to protect us

303
00:20:46.760 --> 00:20:55.240
in places where we're either hurting or afraid and so if you get angry when

304
00:20:55.240 --> 00:21:02.680
someone else who didn't even try it all just runs into their soulmate spirit

305
00:21:02.680 --> 00:21:06.160
mate and gets married and you're just like what I've been on these dating apps

306
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:10.240
for 10 years they go on them for one month and now they're getting married if

307
00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:14.160
you feel angry about that it's not because you're a bad person it's because

308
00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:20.120
anger is trying to protect the deeper emotions of hurt and fear hurt that it

309
00:21:20.120 --> 00:21:28.600
hasn't happened for you in fear that it may never are you tracking with me you

310
00:21:28.600 --> 00:21:32.640
are not rowing that boat alone so if you have felt like a bad person for being

311
00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:41.040
mad about other people getting success mad that you're getting yet another baby

312
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:45.080
announcement and you haven't even gotten married yet you're like they've already

313
00:21:45.080 --> 00:21:49.200
had two babies why do they get a third baby and I haven't even got married yet

314
00:21:49.240 --> 00:21:55.720
getting another wedding announcement maybe some of you your friends kids are

315
00:21:55.720 --> 00:22:01.200
getting married you're just like oh this is it this is done and maybe you

316
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:06.040
vacillate between feeling really hopeful and really excited and being like yes I

317
00:22:06.040 --> 00:22:11.080
believe this is my time this is my year between that and this the other side of

318
00:22:11.080 --> 00:22:15.720
the spectrum of just feeling like you know what I just I'm just done with this

319
00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:21.680
I quit well guess what you're in the right place and you know what else most

320
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:28.320
of how you're feeling has to do with the system being broken not you now am I

321
00:22:28.320 --> 00:22:30.800
telling you that you're perfect am I telling you that you don't need to do

322
00:22:30.800 --> 00:22:35.480
any work any heart work you remember I'm the person who coined the phrase heart

323
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:42.840
work I wrote a book about it years ago I've been teaching it since 2015 the

324
00:22:42.840 --> 00:22:48.040
actual heart work that is what my inner healing course is called and do you need

325
00:22:48.040 --> 00:22:51.240
some heart work sure we all do but you guys heart work is a gift that keeps on

326
00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:55.760
giving it's an ongoing thing if you are in the camp of people that believe that

327
00:22:55.760 --> 00:23:00.240
God is waiting for you to be perfect in order to partner you then you are

328
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:04.880
waiting in the wrong waiting room I've been married for 20 years and I still

329
00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:12.160
ain't perfect so got a lot of issues over here working through believe in

330
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:19.040
believe in for continual evolving of character and capacity and all different

331
00:23:19.040 --> 00:23:22.640
types of things my marriage isn't perfect I'm not perfect my husband's not

332
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:30.720
perfect shocking shocking right someone alert Harvard got to do a study on this

333
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:37.360
people getting married that are not perfect no so if you're believing that I

334
00:23:37.360 --> 00:23:41.040
would really like to see because we're just doing an orientation tonight I

335
00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:43.480
don't want to really get into a lot of teachings I'm gonna give you guys time

336
00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:47.400
to catch up so we're gonna have some fun tonight I like to see the hands of the

337
00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:51.280
people are just really just put it in the chat if you believe that you're

338
00:23:51.280 --> 00:23:55.640
sitting in a waiting room for some reason you know whether God has you

339
00:23:55.640 --> 00:23:58.840
there because you're one of those people you're one of those Christian people who

340
00:23:58.840 --> 00:24:03.840
just believe that God is the author of your love story and you can't have it

341
00:24:03.840 --> 00:24:08.360
until he says so and for some reason he said he hasn't said so yet or you're

342
00:24:08.360 --> 00:24:11.280
sitting in the waiting room because you're waiting for your money to be

343
00:24:11.280 --> 00:24:15.560
different or your health issue to be resolved or whatever if you've been in a

344
00:24:15.560 --> 00:24:19.160
waiting room and you think that you've been divinely put there I want to see

345
00:24:19.160 --> 00:24:23.200
why you've been divinely put there in the comments why are you in that waiting

346
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:29.360
room the proverbial waiting room what are we waiting on what's got to come

347
00:24:29.360 --> 00:24:36.120
together before you think you're allowed to have a love story let's see it and I

348
00:24:36.120 --> 00:24:39.240
do have last year single students here that have joined the book club and so

349
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:42.440
they're ahead of the curve they know darn well that there's no waiting rooms

350
00:24:42.440 --> 00:24:47.840
but they were sitting in those waiting rooms before they came to me and we're

351
00:24:47.840 --> 00:24:52.840
coaching in my program let's see because I don't feel like I'm allowed to pursue

352
00:24:52.840 --> 00:24:56.800
it because I'm a mom now my son should be my only focus Liberty is so good

353
00:24:56.800 --> 00:25:01.480
thank you for sharing that I'm a single mom

354
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.780
My son has to come first.

355
00:25:01.780 --> 00:25:04.600
I want to be a good mom and good moms don't date.

356
00:25:04.600 --> 00:25:06.880
Good moms aren't concerned about their love lives.

357
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:08.220
They're concerned about their children.

358
00:25:08.220 --> 00:25:09.060
And you know what?

359
00:25:09.060 --> 00:25:10.360
There's a balance there for sure.

360
00:25:10.360 --> 00:25:11.600
Be concerned about your children.

361
00:25:11.600 --> 00:25:13.100
Don't neglect your children.

362
00:25:13.100 --> 00:25:17.520
Don't be chasing men instead of taking care of your kids.

363
00:25:17.520 --> 00:25:18.680
But I was a single mom too.

364
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:19.800
And guess what?

365
00:25:19.800 --> 00:25:20.780
I'm married.

366
00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:24.240
I dated my neighbor and married him.

367
00:25:25.160 --> 00:25:27.160
But you see how easy it is to believe

368
00:25:27.160 --> 00:25:28.800
that you have to wait.

369
00:25:28.800 --> 00:25:31.080
In fact, I will tell you this, it's so sad,

370
00:25:31.080 --> 00:25:34.760
but there is a woman who was in,

371
00:25:34.760 --> 00:25:36.480
she's in my program now,

372
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:39.280
and she's having great success, I believe.

373
00:25:39.280 --> 00:25:43.480
But when she came into the book club,

374
00:25:43.480 --> 00:25:47.140
the first book club, she was pretty mad.

375
00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:50.240
And what she was mad about was

376
00:25:52.300 --> 00:25:54.280
she was a single mom

377
00:25:54.280 --> 00:25:58.000
and she felt like she was not allowed to date

378
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:01.340
until her kids were all adults.

379
00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:05.400
This is the lie that she told herself.

380
00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:09.240
And what's worse is she told herself that God,

381
00:26:09.240 --> 00:26:10.240
and I know that I have people

382
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:11.700
at all different faiths in here,

383
00:26:11.700 --> 00:26:13.000
all different levels of faith,

384
00:26:13.000 --> 00:26:15.040
people that maybe aren't people of faith,

385
00:26:15.040 --> 00:26:16.640
agnostic, something,

386
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:19.420
because a lot of you came from an interview

387
00:26:19.420 --> 00:26:20.760
on the news that you saw me do

388
00:26:20.760 --> 00:26:23.360
or you saw me on my Instagram or whatever.

389
00:26:23.360 --> 00:26:25.880
So we're not gonna try to proselytize you into faith,

390
00:26:25.880 --> 00:26:28.000
but there are a lot of people of faith in here.

391
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.680
And so this woman was a woman of faith

392
00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:32.080
and she believed that God told her

393
00:26:32.080 --> 00:26:34.440
that she was not allowed to date,

394
00:26:34.440 --> 00:26:39.440
she's not allowed to date until her children were grown.

395
00:26:39.620 --> 00:26:40.460
And guess what?

396
00:26:40.460 --> 00:26:43.360
She got a divorce, the divorce happened

397
00:26:43.360 --> 00:26:47.660
when her youngest child was like nine.

398
00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:50.720
That's a long time to wait.

399
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:54.040
And so she shows up in my book club,

400
00:26:54.040 --> 00:26:57.200
all kids are grown, they're all out of high school,

401
00:26:57.200 --> 00:26:59.920
they're all over 18 now, and guess what?

402
00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:04.120
She's mad as heck because she has all of this life

403
00:27:04.120 --> 00:27:06.440
that she was alone, it was hard,

404
00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:08.220
she would have loved to have had a partner,

405
00:27:08.220 --> 00:27:10.360
but she wasn't allowed to.

406
00:27:10.360 --> 00:27:11.680
And what made it worse,

407
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:13.700
and you guys, I'm not here to add insult to injury,

408
00:27:13.700 --> 00:27:15.680
but I'm here to keep you from going

409
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:17.120
and sitting in a waiting room again,

410
00:27:17.120 --> 00:27:20.080
because if you've done it once, you might do it again.

411
00:27:20.080 --> 00:27:23.520
First of all, if you ever feel like specifically,

412
00:27:24.040 --> 00:27:26.520
God is telling you something really, really strong

413
00:27:26.520 --> 00:27:29.200
and very serious like that,

414
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:31.960
you're gonna wanna check that with a few other sources.

415
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.880
You don't just trust your own mind.

416
00:27:35.880 --> 00:27:37.320
I'm not saying God doesn't talk to people

417
00:27:37.320 --> 00:27:39.120
because I believe God does talk to people.

418
00:27:39.120 --> 00:27:40.520
I personally am a person of faith

419
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:42.000
and I do believe that God talks to me

420
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.760
and I believe he talks to other people.

421
00:27:43.760 --> 00:27:46.160
The problem with you just thinking

422
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:48.200
that that is being said to you

423
00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:50.480
is that that could be based in guilt,

424
00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:51.940
it could be based in shame,

425
00:27:51.940 --> 00:27:53.940
it could be based in fear.

426
00:27:53.940 --> 00:27:56.300
God's voice takes on a lot of funny ways

427
00:27:56.300 --> 00:27:59.340
when you have a lot of filters going on, right?

428
00:27:59.340 --> 00:28:01.020
And so hearing through filters

429
00:28:01.020 --> 00:28:02.900
sometimes gets a distorted message.

430
00:28:02.900 --> 00:28:04.260
Remember that old telephone game

431
00:28:04.260 --> 00:28:06.620
where you whisper in the person next to you's ear

432
00:28:06.620 --> 00:28:08.100
and at the very end of the chain,

433
00:28:08.100 --> 00:28:11.380
that person is supposed to repeat back the original message.

434
00:28:11.380 --> 00:28:13.500
It gets a little squapper jaw, doesn't it?

435
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:15.800
All crazy.

436
00:28:16.700 --> 00:28:18.620
And that sometimes is what happens

437
00:28:18.620 --> 00:28:22.940
when we think that we are divinely downloading information

438
00:28:22.940 --> 00:28:23.900
and we don't check it

439
00:28:23.900 --> 00:28:28.900
with any other trusted mature sources.

440
00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:30.500
Now, I believe with all my heart,

441
00:28:30.500 --> 00:28:32.580
if she would have checked that

442
00:28:32.580 --> 00:28:35.020
with another trusted and mature source,

443
00:28:35.020 --> 00:28:36.900
that person would have challenged that.

444
00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:38.820
They would have pushed back on that a little bit

445
00:28:38.820 --> 00:28:41.020
and possibly gotten a different outcome.

446
00:28:41.980 --> 00:28:43.620
But we're not here to add insult to injury.

447
00:28:43.620 --> 00:28:44.500
It's already done.

448
00:28:44.500 --> 00:28:47.320
She already waited 10, 11 years.

449
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:50.720
And I believe that she's gonna be accelerated now.

450
00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:51.880
So if you're one of those people

451
00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:53.840
that just felt like you weren't allowed to

452
00:28:53.840 --> 00:28:55.440
and you felt like you were ashamed,

453
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.640
maybe you're divorced

454
00:28:56.640 --> 00:28:58.000
and you felt like you weren't allowed

455
00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:59.080
to have another love story,

456
00:28:59.080 --> 00:29:01.640
maybe you're widowed or a widower

457
00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:03.000
and you felt like, yeah, you know what?

458
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:04.040
I had a good love story.

459
00:29:04.040 --> 00:29:05.720
I don't get two.

460
00:29:05.720 --> 00:29:07.600
People put themselves in waiting rooms

461
00:29:07.600 --> 00:29:08.520
for all kinds of stuff.

462
00:29:08.520 --> 00:29:09.940
Maybe when I lose the weight,

463
00:29:09.940 --> 00:29:11.680
maybe when I get the better job,

464
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:13.760
maybe when this, maybe when that.

465
00:29:13.760 --> 00:29:16.120
So this book club, this five weeks

466
00:29:16.120 --> 00:29:17.760
is where you get to come out of the waiting room.

467
00:29:17.760 --> 00:29:20.400
You get to stop telling yourself all that ridiculous stuff

468
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:22.080
because none of it's true.

469
00:29:22.080 --> 00:29:24.480
There are no waiting rooms in life.

470
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:27.120
You guys, we only have one life and it's super short.

471
00:29:28.280 --> 00:29:31.240
And I promise you, you're not waiting.

472
00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:32.840
Now, are you gonna have process?

473
00:29:32.840 --> 00:29:33.760
Is there process?

474
00:29:33.760 --> 00:29:34.880
Absolutely.

475
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:39.880
But process happens to you while you are progressing.

476
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:43.840
Progress and process happen at the same time.

477
00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:48.740
In other words, God will forge you as you forge ahead.

478
00:29:51.240 --> 00:29:53.300
For all of you that are people of faith,

479
00:29:53.300 --> 00:29:55.440
there's a scripture in the Bible that says,

480
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:59.280
we make a plan and then God orders our steps.

481
00:29:59.280 --> 00:30:00.120
It's important.

482
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.880
that you are planning, it's important that you are progressing, it's important that you

483
00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:11.260
are doing what you can do and then the rest is done with you and partnered with you, right?

484
00:30:11.260 --> 00:30:17.180
We do our part and then the other part has been done divinely for us.

485
00:30:17.180 --> 00:30:21.980
So oftentimes when I coach people, they have that all, they have all different versions

486
00:30:21.980 --> 00:30:22.980
of that.

487
00:30:22.980 --> 00:30:26.860
They think that it's all God's part, they believe in the one, put in the chat if you

488
00:30:26.860 --> 00:30:31.220
believe in some supernatural idea of the one, whether you're a person of faith or not, you

489
00:30:31.220 --> 00:30:34.620
just believe in the one, you believe in the magic of love and there's just one person

490
00:30:34.620 --> 00:30:38.100
for you out there and it's yours waiting for them to cross your path.

491
00:30:38.100 --> 00:30:46.180
You know, they've already been picked out by destiny, by God, by predestination, whatever

492
00:30:46.180 --> 00:30:49.220
it is that you believe, okay?

493
00:30:49.220 --> 00:30:53.020
And you're waiting for that person to come, to finally get here.

494
00:30:53.020 --> 00:30:55.420
When are they going to show up?

495
00:30:55.420 --> 00:30:57.140
Are they going to show up when you're in the old folks home?

496
00:30:57.140 --> 00:30:58.140
Is that what's going to happen?

497
00:30:58.140 --> 00:31:00.380
I mean, what's the point of that?

498
00:31:00.380 --> 00:31:05.580
For those of you that have never been married and you're like, I'm just waiting.

499
00:31:05.580 --> 00:31:07.860
I'm waiting to win the heavenly lotto.

500
00:31:07.860 --> 00:31:14.140
I'm waiting for God to pull my number and be like, it's finally your turn.

501
00:31:14.140 --> 00:31:15.140
No.

502
00:31:15.140 --> 00:31:19.860
Guys, you realize that doesn't make any sense, right?

503
00:31:19.860 --> 00:31:23.540
Dolly Parton passed away today.

504
00:31:23.540 --> 00:31:28.540
She was only 80 years old, y'all, 80 years old, but she had a 60 year love story.

505
00:31:28.540 --> 00:31:29.700
Come on.

506
00:31:29.700 --> 00:31:32.020
She was almost married for 60 years to Carl.

507
00:31:32.020 --> 00:31:35.100
Carl and Dolly together again in heaven, loving it.

508
00:31:35.100 --> 00:31:36.820
Love every minute of it.

509
00:31:36.820 --> 00:31:38.300
She lived a big, beautiful life.

510
00:31:38.300 --> 00:31:41.740
She's been married for a long, long, long, long time, but she only got 80 years.

511
00:31:41.740 --> 00:31:42.740
Okay.

512
00:31:42.740 --> 00:31:44.060
You're not, I don't know how many years you have.

513
00:31:44.060 --> 00:31:47.580
I don't know how many years I have, but you best get living them.

514
00:31:47.580 --> 00:31:48.580
believe in that.

515
00:31:48.580 --> 00:31:53.860
God's keeping all the good stuff for when you're old and on social security, it doesn't

516
00:31:53.860 --> 00:31:54.860
make any sense.

517
00:31:54.860 --> 00:31:56.340
It's just weird.

518
00:31:56.340 --> 00:31:58.340
I just never understood guys.

519
00:31:58.340 --> 00:31:59.900
I was not raised as a Christian.

520
00:31:59.900 --> 00:32:04.380
I was not raised as a person of faith and you know, it's not that my mom, it's not that

521
00:32:04.380 --> 00:32:09.060
they weren't maybe believers, but I just wasn't raised in the church or in any kind of religion.

522
00:32:09.060 --> 00:32:10.060
Okay.

523
00:32:10.060 --> 00:32:15.020
And so when I did become a person of faith myself in my twenties, I thought that the

524
00:32:15.020 --> 00:32:22.260
way faith-based people treat your love life and the dating life is so weird.

525
00:32:22.260 --> 00:32:23.660
I think it's so weird.

526
00:32:23.660 --> 00:32:24.660
Okay.

527
00:32:24.660 --> 00:32:25.660
And guess what?

528
00:32:25.660 --> 00:32:27.740
It's not working out for a lot of people.

529
00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:29.280
So we got to get out of our own way.

530
00:32:29.280 --> 00:32:33.820
We got to get out of the waiting room because God did not put you there.

531
00:32:33.820 --> 00:32:35.140
You put yourself there.

532
00:32:35.140 --> 00:32:36.200
Religion put you there.

533
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.980
You got divorced and shame puts you there.

534
00:32:38.980 --> 00:32:40.540
You lost someone that you loved.

535
00:32:40.540 --> 00:32:47.420
Your spouse passed away and loyalty puts you there, but it's time to come out of there.

536
00:32:47.420 --> 00:32:48.420
Okay.

537
00:32:48.420 --> 00:32:49.420
All right.

538
00:32:49.420 --> 00:32:50.420
The system is broken, friends.

539
00:32:50.420 --> 00:32:52.540
So let's talk about what actually broke it.

540
00:32:52.540 --> 00:32:53.540
It's crazy broken.

541
00:32:53.540 --> 00:32:58.740
Hopefully you at least read this part of the book, okay, about the system and about what

542
00:32:58.740 --> 00:33:03.020
has happened in the last 100 years of dating.

543
00:33:03.020 --> 00:33:04.180
So I apologize to you guys.

544
00:33:04.180 --> 00:33:09.260
I'm obviously not in my studio, so I won't be able to see everything that I normally

545
00:33:09.260 --> 00:33:12.620
do in here, and we're just going to do our best for tonight.

546
00:33:12.620 --> 00:33:13.620
Okay.

547
00:33:13.620 --> 00:33:25.220
So the first 100 years of dating, you guys, has been what the problem is.

548
00:33:25.220 --> 00:33:27.460
That is where the problem comes from.

549
00:33:27.460 --> 00:33:30.700
And I don't have my notes in front of me because I can't access them.

550
00:33:30.700 --> 00:33:35.000
But you guys, the way that we date now, like going out with people that we haven't grown

551
00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.140
up with, people that we haven't known all of our life, people whose families we haven't

552
00:33:39.140 --> 00:33:43.220
known, that is only about 100 years old.

553
00:33:43.220 --> 00:33:49.340
We used to date within villages, townships, social circles like churches, communities,

554
00:33:49.340 --> 00:33:50.340
civic circles.

555
00:33:50.340 --> 00:33:51.340
This is how we dated.

556
00:33:51.340 --> 00:33:53.900
Anyone remember Jane Austen?

557
00:33:53.900 --> 00:33:55.580
Remember those movies, Pride and Prejudice?

558
00:33:55.580 --> 00:33:57.540
That's the way that we used to date.

559
00:33:57.540 --> 00:34:00.980
It was called courting, and that is the way that it was done.

560
00:34:00.980 --> 00:34:03.420
You didn't just marry some stranger off the internet, okay?

561
00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:05.540
You married someone that your family knew.

562
00:34:05.540 --> 00:34:08.260
Maybe your families had been friends for generations.

563
00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:13.179
You married someone probably within a five-mile-square radius of your house.

564
00:34:13.179 --> 00:34:17.100
You married someone from your, and then go even further, you married someone from your

565
00:34:17.100 --> 00:34:18.100
high school.

566
00:34:18.100 --> 00:34:19.900
You married someone that grew up in your neighborhood.

567
00:34:19.900 --> 00:34:23.860
You married your brother's best friend.

568
00:34:23.860 --> 00:34:29.020
And in some families, you married your cousin.

569
00:34:29.020 --> 00:34:30.780
You guys, this is back in the day.

570
00:34:30.780 --> 00:34:36.100
I mean, you can't get any closer than that as far as that's concerned.

571
00:34:36.100 --> 00:34:41.260
Now, there are some good things about us not dating and marrying that way.

572
00:34:41.260 --> 00:34:46.020
Number one, I would have had to marry one of my cousins, okay?

573
00:34:46.020 --> 00:34:47.900
That's one thing I want to say about that.

574
00:34:47.900 --> 00:34:53.100
And then secondly, it has expanded our social circles, right?

575
00:34:53.100 --> 00:34:54.100
It has.

576
00:34:54.100 --> 00:34:55.260
It expanded our social circles.

577
00:34:55.260 --> 00:34:57.220
We know more people than we would have ever known.

578
00:34:57.220 --> 00:35:00.060
We're not living in tiny little cloisters.

579
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.600
communities, you know, we're learning things about the world.

580
00:35:04.600 --> 00:35:08.840
There's all kinds of great things about progress.

581
00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:12.700
But one of the things that's bad about progress is that we've lost the village.

582
00:35:12.700 --> 00:35:16.620
And so you'll see as you read the book that I'm all into rebuilding the village.

583
00:35:16.620 --> 00:35:20.220
The thing that we do in last year's singles, we do something called community-based matchmaking.

584
00:35:20.220 --> 00:35:24.020
I was asked tonight on the news, the guy asked me on the news, he said, why have you been

585
00:35:24.020 --> 00:35:27.940
so successful at helping people find their mates?

586
00:35:27.940 --> 00:35:32.060
And I said, because I believe in community-based matchmaking.

587
00:35:32.060 --> 00:35:34.700
I believe in rebuilding the village.

588
00:35:34.700 --> 00:35:36.060
So we're bringing that back.

589
00:35:36.060 --> 00:35:37.500
We're bringing community back.

590
00:35:37.500 --> 00:35:41.300
We're helping people to meet people that they're already connected to.

591
00:35:41.300 --> 00:35:44.940
And you just, your love is right under your nose and you don't even know it.

592
00:35:44.940 --> 00:35:50.260
It is there somewhere right under your nose and you don't even know it yet.

593
00:35:50.260 --> 00:35:51.860
So we're bringing that back.

594
00:35:51.860 --> 00:35:56.340
Just like the olden days, none of the bad stuff like marrying your cousin, but all of

595
00:35:56.340 --> 00:36:00.660
the good stuff like marrying people that are connected to people that you're connected

596
00:36:00.660 --> 00:36:01.660
to.

597
00:36:01.660 --> 00:36:07.860
One of my favorite love stories, they were actually dancing in the same wedding picture.

598
00:36:07.860 --> 00:36:09.220
They're at somebody else's wedding.

599
00:36:09.220 --> 00:36:12.460
They're both on the dance floor getting jiggy with it.

600
00:36:12.460 --> 00:36:15.220
The married couple's in the center of the dance floor and then there's all kinds of

601
00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:17.320
people around them on both sides.

602
00:36:17.320 --> 00:36:22.220
She's over here and he's over there surrounded by other couples and other singles and other

603
00:36:22.220 --> 00:36:24.140
people just all dancing on the dance floor.

604
00:36:24.140 --> 00:36:29.180
It's a snapshot of that moment in time at that wedding reception.

605
00:36:29.180 --> 00:36:30.180
Guess what?

606
00:36:30.180 --> 00:36:31.580
Those two people did not meet at that wedding.

607
00:36:31.580 --> 00:36:32.580
They didn't even see each other.

608
00:36:32.580 --> 00:36:34.540
It was a very large wedding.

609
00:36:34.540 --> 00:36:38.740
They weren't introduced at that wedding, but just a few months later, because they worked

610
00:36:38.740 --> 00:36:46.700
at the same place, the people that got married were their coworkers and they worked for the

611
00:36:46.700 --> 00:36:47.700
same company.

612
00:36:47.700 --> 00:36:52.740
It was a very large company, but the large company had a mandatory seminar that all the

613
00:36:52.740 --> 00:36:54.940
employees had to go to.

614
00:36:54.940 --> 00:36:59.780
They ended up picking the same day to go to the seminar and they ended up meeting at that

615
00:36:59.780 --> 00:37:01.300
seminar.

616
00:37:01.300 --> 00:37:05.860
As they got to talking, they realized that they both knew so-and-so and so-and-so and

617
00:37:05.860 --> 00:37:07.780
the couple that got married.

618
00:37:07.780 --> 00:37:08.780
Guess what?

619
00:37:08.780 --> 00:37:09.780
They started dating.

620
00:37:09.780 --> 00:37:10.780
They fell in love.

621
00:37:10.780 --> 00:37:11.780
They got married.

622
00:37:11.780 --> 00:37:17.100
Somewhere along the line, someone showed them that picture of both of them dancing at the

623
00:37:17.100 --> 00:37:20.000
wedding reception that both of them were at.

624
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:22.260
They were both in the picture.

625
00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:25.620
They were ships passing in the night.

626
00:37:25.620 --> 00:37:29.500
And so bringing community back is how we bring this back.

627
00:37:29.500 --> 00:37:34.540
And I do really, really, really believe that this is the way that most people are going

628
00:37:34.540 --> 00:37:37.340
to meet their person, okay?

629
00:37:37.340 --> 00:37:38.340
They're already there.

630
00:37:38.340 --> 00:37:39.340
They're already there.

631
00:37:39.340 --> 00:37:40.340
We just have to connect the dots.

632
00:37:40.340 --> 00:37:45.300
All right, so I'm going to teach you more about that as we go on here, but I want to

633
00:37:45.300 --> 00:37:47.920
just continue to talk about the system being broken.

634
00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:51.180
So then we enter into what is called the Industrial Revolution.

635
00:37:51.180 --> 00:37:53.620
So everyone lived in rural farming communities, you guys.

636
00:37:53.620 --> 00:37:56.020
We were an agricultural society.

637
00:37:56.020 --> 00:38:02.420
People's families had farms or some other kind of service-based situation, okay?

638
00:38:02.420 --> 00:38:10.260
So like a blacksmith or, you know, someone who owned the store or whatever it was, okay?

639
00:38:10.260 --> 00:38:17.180
And then what happened is that the Industrial Revolution started, meaning that cities started

640
00:38:17.180 --> 00:38:18.680
popping up.

641
00:38:18.680 --> 00:38:19.880
These were townships.

642
00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:21.200
These were villages.

643
00:38:21.200 --> 00:38:25.280
These were, you know, communities that turned into villages, that turned into townships,

644
00:38:25.280 --> 00:38:26.360
that turned into whatever.

645
00:38:26.360 --> 00:38:31.580
But then cities started popping up, and someone had to go work in the cities.

646
00:38:31.580 --> 00:38:33.320
And guess who went to work in the cities?

647
00:38:33.320 --> 00:38:34.680
The young people.

648
00:38:34.680 --> 00:38:36.720
The young people left their families.

649
00:38:36.720 --> 00:38:38.680
They left their farming duties.

650
00:38:38.680 --> 00:38:43.040
They left their agricultural societies, and they went into the city to do what?

651
00:38:43.040 --> 00:38:46.720
To become shop girls and to work in the factories.

652
00:38:46.760 --> 00:38:49.680
And when that happened, you guys, everything changed.

653
00:38:49.680 --> 00:38:51.040
This is where dating comes from.

654
00:38:51.040 --> 00:38:53.440
It comes from the Industrial Revolution.

655
00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:58.960
We have young people living in cities away from their families getting in trouble, right?

656
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:00.620
That's what young people like to do.

657
00:39:00.620 --> 00:39:02.000
And so they started dating strangers.

658
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:05.800
Now, some of them may have known each other from their smaller, you know, villages that

659
00:39:05.800 --> 00:39:09.380
went into the cities, but a lot of them didn't know each other.

660
00:39:09.380 --> 00:39:12.260
And the boys would take the girls to the picture show.

661
00:39:12.260 --> 00:39:17.100
They would take the girls to get some food, and they paid for them to do that.

662
00:39:17.100 --> 00:39:20.420
And the reason why they paid for them to do that is because the girls that were in the

663
00:39:20.420 --> 00:39:23.220
city working were not making a livable wage.

664
00:39:23.220 --> 00:39:25.660
They lived in boarding houses.

665
00:39:25.660 --> 00:39:26.740
They could barely scrape by.

666
00:39:26.740 --> 00:39:29.580
They were sending money home to their families.

667
00:39:29.580 --> 00:39:31.580
And the boys were getting paid a livable wage.

668
00:39:31.580 --> 00:39:36.260
They're getting paid at least twice as much, sometimes three times as much as the girls

669
00:39:36.260 --> 00:39:37.740
in the city.

670
00:39:37.740 --> 00:39:40.700
So for all of you ladies that think, oh, he's got to pay, he's got to pay, this is where

671
00:39:40.700 --> 00:39:41.700
it comes from.

672
00:39:42.140 --> 00:39:43.820
Gentlemen, this is where it comes from.

673
00:39:43.820 --> 00:39:47.580
It comes from patriarchy, basically.

674
00:39:47.580 --> 00:39:49.700
It comes from there being no parity.

675
00:39:49.700 --> 00:39:53.620
There comes from there being a wage gap.

676
00:39:53.620 --> 00:39:56.460
And so men started paying for women.

677
00:39:56.460 --> 00:40:00.060
And that's the very first time that anyone ever called this dating.

678
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.840
It actually was a newspaper article, you guys, that came out back then, and it was not a

679
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:06.840
good one.

680
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:08.480
It was a really bad one.

681
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:11.520
In fact, the word dating was a scandal.

682
00:40:11.520 --> 00:40:14.760
And they said in that newspaper article that this new thing that the young people were

683
00:40:14.760 --> 00:40:18.200
doing called dating was going to ruin society.

684
00:40:18.200 --> 00:40:20.400
And honestly, where's the lie?

685
00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:24.320
And so fast forward, you guys, we have the World Wars that were right on the tails of

686
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:25.400
the Industrial Revolution.

687
00:40:25.400 --> 00:40:28.120
We have World War I, we have World War II.

688
00:40:28.120 --> 00:40:31.160
The boys that were in the factories went to war, the girls that were in the shops went

689
00:40:31.160 --> 00:40:32.160
into the factories.

690
00:40:32.160 --> 00:40:35.360
We have World War II, Rosie the Riveter, remember all that stuff.

691
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:42.160
And then after all the wars were over, we're talking mid-40s, this is when society pushed

692
00:40:42.160 --> 00:40:47.760
women back into the home and into traditional gender roles, and men back into the workplace.

693
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:50.080
And this was called the 1950s.

694
00:40:50.080 --> 00:40:51.600
This is the golden age of dating.

695
00:40:51.600 --> 00:40:56.520
We're like, oh, he's asking my daddy's permission to take me out for a soda, and the drive-in

696
00:40:56.520 --> 00:40:57.800
theaters and all the stuff.

697
00:40:58.480 --> 00:40:59.840
You guys, total propaganda.

698
00:40:59.840 --> 00:41:04.680
The whole world had been turned upside down for wars for decades, and now they wanted

699
00:41:04.680 --> 00:41:07.160
everything to go back to the way it was before.

700
00:41:07.160 --> 00:41:11.000
Women in the home, getting pregnant, having children, taking care of the home, and men

701
00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:12.000
in the workplace.

702
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:13.360
No, that wasn't going to happen.

703
00:41:13.360 --> 00:41:15.000
Everything was already messed up.

704
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:17.800
So all that you're seeing there is smoke and mirrors, okay?

705
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:22.160
It wasn't as happy as people say it was or think it was, okay?

706
00:41:22.160 --> 00:41:25.160
And then the 1960s was like, hey, we're not doing this anymore.

707
00:41:25.160 --> 00:41:27.520
We got divorce on demand, we got abortion.

708
00:41:27.520 --> 00:41:31.280
The 1970s continued that trend, the 1980s as well.

709
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:35.800
All kinds of sitcoms started popping up, making dating look great, making being single look

710
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:41.120
great, making not getting married and not having children a viable option for young

711
00:41:41.120 --> 00:41:45.000
folks, right?

712
00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:46.320
Dating became a revolving door.

713
00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:47.720
Think about all the things in the 90s.

714
00:41:47.720 --> 00:41:48.720
Think about Seinfeld.

715
00:41:48.720 --> 00:41:50.320
Think about Sex and the City.

716
00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:51.400
Think about the show Friends.

717
00:41:51.400 --> 00:41:54.600
The show Friends is ridiculous.

718
00:41:55.320 --> 00:41:58.680
The romantic side of Friends wasn't even what was great about Friends.

719
00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:01.760
What was great about Friends is the thought that you could have a close-knit group of

720
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:05.840
friends like that that you were going to do life with and live in the same building with

721
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:09.360
and just have this big family community environment with.

722
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:13.160
Yeah, that doesn't happen, right?

723
00:42:13.160 --> 00:42:15.920
It would have been great though.

724
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:20.600
My biggest dream is for all my adult children and their spouses to all buy houses on the

725
00:42:20.600 --> 00:42:26.080
same block and for all of us to live within just a few houses of each other or just a

726
00:42:26.080 --> 00:42:28.040
big piece of land and everyone builds on it.

727
00:42:28.040 --> 00:42:31.840
Then we just drive golf carts to each other's house and the grandkids just walk over to

728
00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:33.120
Nona and Papa's house.

729
00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:35.720
Yeah, I'd love to do that.

730
00:42:35.720 --> 00:42:42.080
All of these shows made dating seem like a recreational sport.

731
00:42:42.080 --> 00:42:46.080
Then of course, dating apps came in right on the heels of that, you guys, and just added

732
00:42:46.080 --> 00:42:48.520
technology to all the brokenness.

733
00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:52.560
I said all that to say this, and you're going to read it in the book if you haven't read

734
00:42:52.560 --> 00:42:57.400
yet, the system is broken, not you.

735
00:42:57.400 --> 00:42:59.080
The system is broken, not you.

736
00:42:59.080 --> 00:43:02.960
So all the movies, all the media, all the things that you've consumed since you were

737
00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:08.760
a little tiny child have been telling you what you should believe about marriage, about

738
00:43:08.760 --> 00:43:13.600
family, about the opposite sex, about dating, about romance, about everything, about sex,

739
00:43:13.600 --> 00:43:14.600
all the things.

740
00:43:14.600 --> 00:43:18.320
Some of you were raised in the church, you were raised in super religious environments.

741
00:43:19.120 --> 00:43:23.360
That also was telling you what you should believe about men, women, marriage, sex, purity

742
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:26.520
culture, whatever, whatever.

743
00:43:26.520 --> 00:43:30.840
So you have a lot of information in there, and some of it's bad, in fact, a lot of it's

744
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:34.040
bad, and that is part of the reason why you're single.

745
00:43:34.040 --> 00:43:37.400
Part of the reason why you're single is because of the programs that have been running in

746
00:43:37.400 --> 00:43:43.240
your mind based on all of the input you've been getting from all of these different sources.

747
00:43:43.240 --> 00:43:47.360
So the very first thing that I ask you to do in the materials that you were supposed

748
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:51.560
to read as homework is to discover your script.

749
00:43:51.560 --> 00:43:54.480
Remember, we've been taking in all this information.

750
00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:57.160
Your parents' marriage, that was information.

751
00:43:57.160 --> 00:44:00.280
The other marriages in your family, that was information.

752
00:44:00.280 --> 00:44:02.680
Your romantic relationships, that was information.

753
00:44:02.680 --> 00:44:05.160
The TV shows, the movies, information.

754
00:44:05.160 --> 00:44:08.740
The faith-based culture, belief systems, that was information.

755
00:44:08.740 --> 00:44:14.160
And so it caused you to run a script in your love life, okay?

756
00:44:14.160 --> 00:44:17.200
And so I give you just a few choices of scripts.

757
00:44:17.320 --> 00:44:20.760
You might be a hybrid of one or two of them equally.

758
00:44:20.760 --> 00:44:25.960
You could be one just really strongly, and then you could be all of them at certain times

759
00:44:25.960 --> 00:44:26.960
in your life.

760
00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:30.380
I want to know which ones you're running right now.

761
00:44:30.380 --> 00:44:33.000
That is what I want you to have done for homework.

762
00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:35.720
So this is the last thing we're going to go over tonight, and then I'm going to take some

763
00:44:35.720 --> 00:44:40.320
Q&A, and we're going to be finished, but I want you to tell me which script you tested

764
00:44:40.320 --> 00:44:41.320
out as.

765
00:44:41.320 --> 00:44:47.640
The fairytale script is when you have intense, intense feelings about needing chemistry.

766
00:44:47.640 --> 00:44:50.060
You believe that there's going to be a lightning bolt that hits you.

767
00:44:50.060 --> 00:44:53.640
Think about all the movies that we've watched where, you know, it was love at first sight.

768
00:44:53.640 --> 00:44:54.640
It was meant to be.

769
00:44:54.640 --> 00:44:55.640
It was kismet.

770
00:44:55.640 --> 00:44:56.640
It was destiny.

771
00:44:56.640 --> 00:45:00.000
For those of you that believe that God has picked out your spouse, that's a fairytale

772
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:00.000


773
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.920
So that's a fairytale script.

774
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:04.540
You know, if it wasn't dramatic, then it wasn't love.

775
00:45:04.540 --> 00:45:08.360
All the Disney movies are obviously fairytale scripts.

776
00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:09.800
Right, so you're waiting for,

777
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:12.560
you don't know what love is going to feel like.

778
00:45:12.560 --> 00:45:16.240
You're just waiting to, like, I'll know it when I know it.

779
00:45:16.240 --> 00:45:18.040
You know how people always say, hey, how did you know?

780
00:45:18.040 --> 00:45:19.540
They're like, if you know, you know.

781
00:45:19.540 --> 00:45:21.320
That's the fairytale script.

782
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:23.080
The next script is the chill guy,

783
00:45:23.080 --> 00:45:26.080
the chill girl or passive guy script.

784
00:45:26.080 --> 00:45:28.520
This is the script where you abandon your own needs

785
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:31.360
so that you can be more easy to love.

786
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:33.120
You don't ever ask hard questions.

787
00:45:33.120 --> 00:45:34.880
You're never trying to get clarity.

788
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:37.120
You're just going with the flow, whatever they want.

789
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:39.640
You just want to make sure that you don't get rejected.

790
00:45:39.640 --> 00:45:41.640
A lot of people with the chill girl script

791
00:45:41.640 --> 00:45:44.920
or the passive guy script have anxious attachment style.

792
00:45:44.920 --> 00:45:46.360
You just want to make sure you please them

793
00:45:46.360 --> 00:45:49.640
and keep them happy and keep them loving and desiring you

794
00:45:49.640 --> 00:45:52.200
so that they don't abandon you or reject you.

795
00:45:52.200 --> 00:45:53.880
The scarcity script is the script

796
00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:55.820
where all of the good ones are rare.

797
00:45:55.820 --> 00:45:59.140
It's like finding a needle in a haystack, right?

798
00:45:59.140 --> 00:46:00.260
You never want to mess it up

799
00:46:00.260 --> 00:46:02.420
because there's nothing more where that came from.

800
00:46:02.420 --> 00:46:03.580
So you hang on to people

801
00:46:03.580 --> 00:46:04.940
that you're not really that attracted to,

802
00:46:04.940 --> 00:46:06.420
not really that interested in.

803
00:46:06.420 --> 00:46:08.340
You hang on to toxic relationships

804
00:46:08.340 --> 00:46:11.340
because, well, you know, it's better than nothing.

805
00:46:11.340 --> 00:46:13.500
I heard from a girl today that said, you know,

806
00:46:13.500 --> 00:46:16.000
I've invested so much time into this relationship

807
00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:18.180
and I'm getting older and I'm just afraid.

808
00:46:18.180 --> 00:46:20.380
There's too many single people out there.

809
00:46:20.380 --> 00:46:22.060
There's too many single people out there.

810
00:46:22.060 --> 00:46:25.220
So I'm afraid that if I don't just stay with this person,

811
00:46:25.220 --> 00:46:27.580
that I'm going to end up single forever as well.

812
00:46:27.580 --> 00:46:29.320
That's the scarcity script.

813
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:32.020
The independent script says, I don't need anyone.

814
00:46:32.020 --> 00:46:33.540
Nope, nope, I don't need anyone.

815
00:46:33.540 --> 00:46:34.940
I'm okay by myself.

816
00:46:34.940 --> 00:46:36.960
In fact, if anyone was going to join my life,

817
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:37.800
they better be great.

818
00:46:37.800 --> 00:46:41.180
They better be perfect because I can do bad all by myself.

819
00:46:41.180 --> 00:46:44.380
So I don't want anyone in my life that isn't perfect.

820
00:46:44.380 --> 00:46:46.940
You know, God's going to really have to show up

821
00:46:46.940 --> 00:46:48.760
and tell me that this is the person

822
00:46:48.760 --> 00:46:50.980
because, you know, my life is great.

823
00:46:50.980 --> 00:46:52.740
And if someone's going to join my life,

824
00:46:52.740 --> 00:46:55.060
then they have to be amazing.

825
00:46:55.900 --> 00:46:58.180
The passive faith script is the worst one in my opinion.

826
00:46:58.180 --> 00:46:59.940
Okay, because it's like the fairytale script.

827
00:46:59.940 --> 00:47:01.620
It's very similar, but it's like,

828
00:47:01.620 --> 00:47:03.580
if it's meant to happen, it'll happen.

829
00:47:03.580 --> 00:47:04.900
And I'm going to know it.

830
00:47:04.900 --> 00:47:06.660
I'm going to know it for the very first moment

831
00:47:06.660 --> 00:47:07.860
that they're my person.

832
00:47:09.180 --> 00:47:10.700
The windows of heaven are going to open

833
00:47:10.700 --> 00:47:12.300
and a dove is going to come down

834
00:47:12.300 --> 00:47:13.580
and just land on their head.

835
00:47:13.580 --> 00:47:16.220
And I'm going to know that they're my person.

836
00:47:16.220 --> 00:47:19.020
You know, I'm going to have a confirmation in my spirit.

837
00:47:19.020 --> 00:47:22.260
There's going to be three different street signs

838
00:47:22.260 --> 00:47:23.340
that say their name.

839
00:47:23.340 --> 00:47:25.020
And then I'm going to turn on the radio

840
00:47:25.860 --> 00:47:27.260
and their name's going to be in the song on the radio.

841
00:47:27.260 --> 00:47:30.860
And it's just going to be meant to be, right?

842
00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:33.520
You guys, it may sound ridiculous,

843
00:47:33.520 --> 00:47:34.980
but I've heard the craziest things

844
00:47:34.980 --> 00:47:37.820
that you've ever, ever, ever, ever imagined

845
00:47:37.820 --> 00:47:41.300
in the passive faith script, okay?

846
00:47:41.300 --> 00:47:43.380
The way people come around to believing

847
00:47:43.380 --> 00:47:47.580
that this is the one cockamamie, all right?

848
00:47:47.580 --> 00:47:49.580
It's the only word that I can think of

849
00:47:49.580 --> 00:47:51.460
with the different crazy things

850
00:47:51.460 --> 00:47:54.080
that people convince themselves of

851
00:47:54.080 --> 00:47:55.960
when they have that passive faith script.

852
00:47:55.960 --> 00:47:58.660
Okay, so once you see it, you can't unsee it.

853
00:47:58.660 --> 00:48:00.360
If you did the homework, great.

854
00:48:00.360 --> 00:48:02.400
If you're new and you didn't do the homework,

855
00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:04.280
I just explained those scripts to you.

856
00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:09.120
Go ahead, gut instinct, first take, which one is you?

857
00:48:09.120 --> 00:48:10.080
Put it in.

858
00:48:10.080 --> 00:48:12.080
If it's a hybrid, put them both in.

859
00:48:12.080 --> 00:48:13.840
Let's try not to put more than two.

860
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:14.680
Okay.

861
00:48:20.820 --> 00:48:23.120
Do, do, do, do, do, do.

862
00:48:26.280 --> 00:48:29.560
Oh, fairy tale and scarcity, that's a hard combo.

863
00:48:29.560 --> 00:48:32.400
Fairy tale and passive, oh, passive faith, oh.

864
00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:35.760
You guys, these are hard combos right here.

865
00:48:35.760 --> 00:48:37.300
These won't keep you single.

866
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:41.480
Chill girl and scarcity.

867
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.760
This is how you end up in situationships.

868
00:48:45.760 --> 00:48:49.000
Listen up, because you don't ask the hard questions

869
00:48:49.000 --> 00:48:50.880
because you're afraid of the hard answers.

870
00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:52.640
And so you just go with the flow,

871
00:48:52.640 --> 00:48:55.440
hoping that if they don't love me now, they'll love me later

872
00:48:55.440 --> 00:48:57.600
because there's not a lot of good ones out there.

873
00:48:57.600 --> 00:49:00.280
So I'm gonna make sure that I'm just easy to be with.

874
00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:01.400
I'm easy to love.

875
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:04.260
I'm everything that they've ever wanted in a bag of chips.

876
00:49:04.260 --> 00:49:05.580
How could they not love me?

877
00:49:05.580 --> 00:49:06.680
How could they leave me?

878
00:49:06.680 --> 00:49:09.280
Because I'm not offending them.

879
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:10.320
I'm not pushing back.

880
00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:11.540
Yeah, their behavior bothers me,

881
00:49:11.540 --> 00:49:13.000
but I'm not gonna tell them.

882
00:49:13.000 --> 00:49:14.560
Yeah, I don't like the way they do that,

883
00:49:14.560 --> 00:49:15.940
but I'm not gonna tell them.

884
00:49:15.940 --> 00:49:17.840
Yeah, I would like to know where this is going,

885
00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:19.300
but I'm not gonna ask.

886
00:49:20.160 --> 00:49:21.560
I don't wanna rock the boat.

887
00:49:22.440 --> 00:49:23.880
If it's not broken, don't fix it.

888
00:49:23.880 --> 00:49:26.120
It is broken, friend.

889
00:49:26.120 --> 00:49:27.760
And it's about to break you.

890
00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:28.940
Because I just wanna tell you right now,

891
00:49:28.940 --> 00:49:31.960
if you're running the passive man script, gentlemen,

892
00:49:31.960 --> 00:49:33.900
ladies, if you're running the chill girl script,

893
00:49:33.900 --> 00:49:35.600
those people don't ever marry you.

894
00:49:37.640 --> 00:49:38.480
They don't.

895
00:49:39.400 --> 00:49:42.160
They do keep you as a forever boyfriend or girlfriend,

896
00:49:42.160 --> 00:49:44.440
though, because, I mean, gentlemen,

897
00:49:44.440 --> 00:49:46.240
who doesn't like a golden retriever?

898
00:49:47.600 --> 00:49:50.120
We love golden retrievers.

899
00:49:50.120 --> 00:49:50.960
We do.

900
00:49:52.200 --> 00:49:54.800
And ladies, of course he's gonna like the cool girl,

901
00:49:54.800 --> 00:49:56.880
the chill girl, the girl that's just one of the guys,

902
00:49:56.880 --> 00:49:58.560
the girl that's just gonna go with the flow,

903
00:49:58.560 --> 00:50:00.360
the girl that's just gonna give him.

904
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.400
sex whenever he wants it.

905
00:50:02.400 --> 00:50:04.600
He doesn't have to make any commitment.

906
00:50:04.600 --> 00:50:06.260
Why would he commit?

907
00:50:06.260 --> 00:50:07.720
He already has what he wants.

908
00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:12.940
Real talk.

909
00:50:12.940 --> 00:50:14.400
All right, okay.

910
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:16.140
I see a lot of different combos in there.

911
00:50:16.140 --> 00:50:19.060
Cheryl, if you can throw our friends into another breakout,

912
00:50:19.060 --> 00:50:22.300
I want you to share with the people in your breakout

913
00:50:22.300 --> 00:50:25.780
your primary scripts and you can give one example

914
00:50:25.780 --> 00:50:27.820
of how you were running that, okay?

915
00:50:27.820 --> 00:50:29.220
We're not gonna give you more than 10 minutes

916
00:50:29.220 --> 00:50:32.260
in this breakout, so everybody stay focused,

917
00:50:32.260 --> 00:50:34.860
talk fast, and give everyone a turn.

918
00:50:34.860 --> 00:50:37.780
Try to get people about three to a group, Cheryl.

919
00:51:29.220 --> 00:51:34.220
All right, everyone is coming back in.

920
00:51:46.500 --> 00:51:48.460
Cheryl, let me know when everyone is back

921
00:51:48.460 --> 00:51:51.980
and we will do a little Q&A.

922
00:51:51.980 --> 00:51:52.900
Three seconds.

923
00:52:00.060 --> 00:52:01.260
They're in.

924
00:52:01.260 --> 00:52:04.340
All right, welcome back from your breakouts.

925
00:52:04.340 --> 00:52:06.580
So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go ahead

926
00:52:06.580 --> 00:52:10.340
and assign the dating autopsy as your homework

927
00:52:10.340 --> 00:52:13.900
and we're gonna start out next week's session with that.

928
00:52:13.900 --> 00:52:16.260
Now, if you don't have any dates to autopsy,

929
00:52:16.260 --> 00:52:20.420
you don't have any relationships to do a autopsy on,

930
00:52:20.420 --> 00:52:22.260
then you're gonna use friendships

931
00:52:22.260 --> 00:52:24.780
because a lot of times the way that we do relationship

932
00:52:24.780 --> 00:52:28.320
in one area is similar to the way we do it in another area.

933
00:52:28.320 --> 00:52:30.080
If you don't have any close friendships,

934
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:32.560
then we need to have a conversation about that.

935
00:52:32.560 --> 00:52:34.120
If you haven't had any best friends in your life,

936
00:52:34.120 --> 00:52:37.000
you can't do an autopsy on your friendships.

937
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:39.600
You could do family members if you absolutely have to

938
00:52:39.600 --> 00:52:41.900
because you've never even had any friends,

939
00:52:41.900 --> 00:52:45.080
but whatever intimate relationships you've had in your life,

940
00:52:45.080 --> 00:52:47.320
whether they've been romantic or platonic,

941
00:52:47.320 --> 00:52:49.680
that's what I want you to do that exercise on.

942
00:52:49.680 --> 00:52:51.440
And we will talk about that

943
00:52:51.440 --> 00:52:53.480
at the beginning of next week's class.

944
00:52:53.480 --> 00:52:55.560
All right, so let's do some Q&A.

945
00:52:55.560 --> 00:52:58.760
Make sure that you're looking the course tab

946
00:52:58.760 --> 00:53:00.720
and you're gonna do all of week one,

947
00:53:00.720 --> 00:53:04.000
for those of you that just joined in the last 48 to 24 hours

948
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:06.560
and you're gonna do week two as well.

949
00:53:06.560 --> 00:53:08.420
Gonna make sure that you have your reading

950
00:53:08.420 --> 00:53:11.120
and your assignments done before we meet.

951
00:53:11.120 --> 00:53:13.420
All right, so that means week two,

952
00:53:13.420 --> 00:53:16.040
weeks one and two coursework should be finished.

953
00:53:16.040 --> 00:53:18.960
Week three, weeks one, two and three coursework

954
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:19.800
should be finished.

955
00:53:19.800 --> 00:53:21.960
Week four, so on and so forth.

956
00:53:21.960 --> 00:53:23.120
Make sense?

957
00:53:23.120 --> 00:53:24.720
Okay, awesome.

958
00:53:24.760 --> 00:53:26.920
All right, you can join that bonus Facebook group

959
00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:28.380
if you're interested in joining that

960
00:53:28.380 --> 00:53:30.040
for a little bit more community.

961
00:53:30.040 --> 00:53:32.320
You can put all of your questions

962
00:53:32.320 --> 00:53:34.840
into the app under questions

963
00:53:34.840 --> 00:53:38.460
and put all of your wins under wins, okay?

964
00:53:38.460 --> 00:53:39.720
If you have any other questions,

965
00:53:39.720 --> 00:53:42.680
email us at admin at JackieDorman.com

966
00:53:42.680 --> 00:53:46.720
or simply just post your question in the app

967
00:53:46.720 --> 00:53:48.720
and we will answer you, all right?

968
00:53:48.720 --> 00:53:51.600
Either me, Cheryl or Reagan will answer you.

969
00:53:51.600 --> 00:53:53.000
All right, let's do a little Q&A.

970
00:53:53.000 --> 00:53:55.180
Anything about what we talked about tonight?

971
00:53:55.180 --> 00:53:58.160
Please do not ask me to do dating coaching with you tonight

972
00:53:58.160 --> 00:54:00.420
on your most recent relationship.

973
00:54:00.420 --> 00:54:01.960
Anything that we went over tonight?

974
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:05.460
The system is broken, the proverbial waiting room,

975
00:54:06.560 --> 00:54:11.560
your script, anyone have any questions before we sign off?

976
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:21.800
Why do we get stuck in these areas?

977
00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:25.760
Like for instance, scarcity or passive?

978
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:26.960
Good question.

979
00:54:26.960 --> 00:54:29.800
So friends, if you're in my last year single community,

980
00:54:29.800 --> 00:54:31.400
you could probably answer that for her

981
00:54:31.400 --> 00:54:34.320
because the very first module that you do

982
00:54:34.320 --> 00:54:36.200
as we're making it your last year single

983
00:54:36.200 --> 00:54:37.840
is called heart work.

984
00:54:37.840 --> 00:54:39.640
And so we're never stuck on the outside,

985
00:54:39.640 --> 00:54:41.200
we're only stuck on the inside.

986
00:54:41.200 --> 00:54:42.920
So whatever pattern you're running,

987
00:54:42.920 --> 00:54:44.560
whatever patterns you have in your life,

988
00:54:44.560 --> 00:54:47.240
not just your love life, but in every area of your life,

989
00:54:47.240 --> 00:54:49.440
those are rooted somewhere.

990
00:54:49.440 --> 00:54:51.240
Whatever pattern that you have of something

991
00:54:51.680 --> 00:54:55.280
that you don't want to continue has a root.

992
00:54:55.280 --> 00:54:58.360
And I don't know if you've ever been someone who sews,

993
00:54:58.360 --> 00:55:00.200
but I used to sew when I was younger.

994
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.280
And I would follow a pattern when I was sewing.

995
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:06.000
But if you change that pattern even a little bit,

996
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:07.920
just alter it in any way,

997
00:55:07.920 --> 00:55:09.740
you're gonna get a different product.

998
00:55:09.740 --> 00:55:11.120
And so no matter what pattern

999
00:55:11.120 --> 00:55:12.520
has been showing up in your life,

1000
00:55:12.520 --> 00:55:14.960
if we alter it by doing hard work,

1001
00:55:14.960 --> 00:55:16.920
then you're gonna end up getting a different result,

1002
00:55:16.920 --> 00:55:18.880
a different product.

1003
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:20.240
And so that's what we wanna do.

1004
00:55:20.240 --> 00:55:22.040
So friends, you're not stuck on the outside,

1005
00:55:22.040 --> 00:55:23.160
you're stuck on the inside.

1006
00:55:23.160 --> 00:55:24.920
So any area of your life that's broken

1007
00:55:24.920 --> 00:55:27.100
that you don't like, that you wish was different,

1008
00:55:27.100 --> 00:55:29.020
good news, it can be different.

1009
00:55:30.860 --> 00:55:31.700
Great question.

1010
00:55:35.500 --> 00:55:38.700
You should be in the app, that's how you got here.

1011
00:55:38.700 --> 00:55:41.500
The app is the thing, it's called the Last Year Single app.

1012
00:55:41.500 --> 00:55:45.220
You're in a Modern Dating Sucks book club in the app.

1013
00:55:45.220 --> 00:55:46.500
Okay, you have a group in the app

1014
00:55:46.500 --> 00:55:48.540
called Modern Dating Sucks book club.

1015
00:55:48.540 --> 00:55:51.740
And that is where you got the link to come tonight.

1016
00:55:51.740 --> 00:55:54.300
So Cheryl, if you can help our friends in the chat

1017
00:55:54.300 --> 00:55:57.540
that wonder where the app is, that'd be great.

1018
00:55:58.040 --> 00:55:59.240
Victoria, you're up.

1019
00:56:01.080 --> 00:56:02.400
Hi, thanks Jackie.

1020
00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:03.720
I was just wondering,

1021
00:56:03.720 --> 00:56:06.160
my parents kind of have that fairy tale meeting

1022
00:56:06.160 --> 00:56:07.800
where they both met at church.

1023
00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:11.560
And I always wanted that,

1024
00:56:11.560 --> 00:56:16.120
but when I look at church for me here, it's rather limited.

1025
00:56:16.120 --> 00:56:19.240
And like either people are too old,

1026
00:56:19.240 --> 00:56:22.600
already married or too young, or they're a little weird.

1027
00:56:22.600 --> 00:56:26.000
So what dating app is more accurate for me,

1028
00:56:26.300 --> 00:56:30.300
because I and my friends don't have a lot to go on.

1029
00:56:30.300 --> 00:56:33.980
So I'm just thinking like in terms of having community,

1030
00:56:33.980 --> 00:56:37.140
there's that sense of you do end up

1031
00:56:37.140 --> 00:56:38.940
having that fairytale mindset,

1032
00:56:38.940 --> 00:56:42.260
which I noticed is, oh, maybe we'll meet at church one day

1033
00:56:42.260 --> 00:56:44.580
or like conference one day,

1034
00:56:44.580 --> 00:56:48.220
like in my mind, like a conference or being at church.

1035
00:56:49.860 --> 00:56:51.620
And then I realized, oh, that's kind of,

1036
00:56:51.620 --> 00:56:53.020
I guess it is fairytale, isn't it?

1037
00:56:53.040 --> 00:56:55.480
It isn't just fairytale for you,

1038
00:56:55.480 --> 00:56:58.320
it is a family fairytale, right?

1039
00:56:58.320 --> 00:57:00.480
So what's cool about her story

1040
00:57:00.480 --> 00:57:02.720
is her parents met in community.

1041
00:57:02.720 --> 00:57:04.040
It doesn't matter what community,

1042
00:57:04.040 --> 00:57:05.440
her parents met in community.

1043
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:07.160
So her parents met the old fashioned way.

1044
00:57:07.160 --> 00:57:10.200
They met at church, at their church.

1045
00:57:10.200 --> 00:57:11.040
Okay, what is that?

1046
00:57:11.040 --> 00:57:13.320
That is their community, that's where they met.

1047
00:57:13.320 --> 00:57:15.480
So what might happen to Victoria?

1048
00:57:15.480 --> 00:57:17.160
Victoria might get married,

1049
00:57:17.160 --> 00:57:18.680
she might get married to someone else,

1050
00:57:18.680 --> 00:57:20.360
she might get married to someone else,

1051
00:57:20.380 --> 00:57:22.220
what might happen to Victoria?

1052
00:57:22.220 --> 00:57:24.120
Victoria might get the idea that,

1053
00:57:24.120 --> 00:57:25.500
well, that's where my parents met

1054
00:57:25.500 --> 00:57:26.860
and if they have a good marriage

1055
00:57:26.860 --> 00:57:28.560
and Victoria admires their marriage,

1056
00:57:28.560 --> 00:57:32.100
then of course she wants that to happen to her too, right?

1057
00:57:32.100 --> 00:57:33.640
But that's not happening to her

1058
00:57:33.640 --> 00:57:36.420
because she lives in during an entirely different time

1059
00:57:36.420 --> 00:57:37.580
than her parents did.

1060
00:57:38.460 --> 00:57:40.820
Remember what I said about the bygone era?

1061
00:57:40.820 --> 00:57:42.920
I mean, Victoria, you look like you're a millennial,

1062
00:57:42.920 --> 00:57:45.580
so your parents are probably Gen X or young boomers

1063
00:57:45.580 --> 00:57:46.900
and so that means that they were born

1064
00:57:46.900 --> 00:57:50.440
either in the 50s or 60s, maybe 70s.

1065
00:57:50.440 --> 00:57:52.920
So life was different then.

1066
00:57:52.920 --> 00:57:54.720
Community was different then.

1067
00:57:54.720 --> 00:57:55.840
And that doesn't mean friends

1068
00:57:55.840 --> 00:57:57.360
that you cannot meet someone at church

1069
00:57:57.360 --> 00:58:00.360
or in a different community that you're in.

1070
00:58:00.360 --> 00:58:02.240
I want you to meet people in community,

1071
00:58:02.240 --> 00:58:04.000
that's what we're trying to bring back.

1072
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.760
But not looking outside of that

1073
00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:08.680
because that's the way it has to happen

1074
00:58:08.680 --> 00:58:10.980
because that's the way it happened for mom and dad,

1075
00:58:10.980 --> 00:58:11.980
that would be a mistake.

1076
00:58:11.980 --> 00:58:13.800
And that's not the mistake that Victoria is making

1077
00:58:13.800 --> 00:58:15.720
because she just said she's on the dating apps.

1078
00:58:15.740 --> 00:58:18.780
So Victoria, bravo that you're looking outside

1079
00:58:18.780 --> 00:58:21.540
of your family fairy tale

1080
00:58:21.540 --> 00:58:24.300
because doing what you can do

1081
00:58:24.300 --> 00:58:25.940
and then it sounds like you're a person of faith

1082
00:58:25.940 --> 00:58:27.060
because you're talking about church

1083
00:58:27.060 --> 00:58:29.660
and then expecting God to do what only he can do,

1084
00:58:29.660 --> 00:58:32.860
that is the magic partnership, right?

1085
00:58:32.860 --> 00:58:36.420
Doing what you can do, not being close-minded,

1086
00:58:36.420 --> 00:58:39.940
not insisting that it only happened a certain way

1087
00:58:39.940 --> 00:58:42.060
and then letting God do the rest.

1088
00:58:42.060 --> 00:58:43.780
That's good stuff.

1089
00:58:43.780 --> 00:58:45.100
Tarsha, what do you got?

1090
00:58:46.500 --> 00:58:49.100
So I saw myself in probably all five of these

1091
00:58:49.100 --> 00:58:51.700
in different ways, even currently.

1092
00:58:51.700 --> 00:58:54.660
I did have specific ones but out of the five scripts

1093
00:58:54.660 --> 00:58:56.220
since that's not what we should be running,

1094
00:58:56.220 --> 00:58:57.300
what should we be running?

1095
00:58:57.300 --> 00:59:00.140
What is the script that we should be living under?

1096
00:59:00.140 --> 00:59:04.380
Well, first of all, all of these scripts that we're running,

1097
00:59:04.380 --> 00:59:06.060
they're based on input, right?

1098
00:59:06.060 --> 00:59:10.420
Things that we've internalized that we have seen and heard

1099
00:59:10.420 --> 00:59:12.420
but they're all based on lies, right?

1100
00:59:12.420 --> 00:59:14.100
And so getting to the root of the lie.

1101
00:59:14.120 --> 00:59:17.360
So Tarsha said that she has seen herself

1102
00:59:17.360 --> 00:59:20.360
in all five of them at one time or another.

1103
00:59:20.360 --> 00:59:22.880
So whichever ones you've picked, friends,

1104
00:59:22.880 --> 00:59:24.960
that you see yourself in, get to the lie.

1105
00:59:24.960 --> 00:59:28.160
Like, hey, why do I feel this way?

1106
00:59:28.160 --> 00:59:29.560
When's the first time that I felt

1107
00:59:29.560 --> 00:59:32.120
that there was a scarcity of good men in the earth?

1108
00:59:32.120 --> 00:59:33.200
When's the first time that I felt

1109
00:59:33.200 --> 00:59:34.480
like there's only a few women

1110
00:59:34.480 --> 00:59:35.680
or at least a few good women

1111
00:59:35.680 --> 00:59:37.120
that are gonna be attracted to me?

1112
00:59:37.120 --> 00:59:38.200
When's the first time that I felt

1113
00:59:38.200 --> 00:59:40.760
like all the good ones are taken and everyone's married?

1114
00:59:40.760 --> 00:59:42.400
When's the first time that I believed

1115
00:59:43.380 --> 00:59:46.780
it had to be really powerful, intense chemistry

1116
00:59:46.780 --> 00:59:48.380
from the very first moment

1117
00:59:48.380 --> 00:59:50.920
in order for it to be really a match?

1118
00:59:50.920 --> 00:59:54.420
So ask yourself, what's behind the script?

1119
00:59:54.420 --> 00:59:55.660
What lie are you believing?

1120
00:59:55.660 --> 00:59:58.580
And when was the first time that you started believing that?

1121
00:59:58.580 --> 01:00:00.060
And so Tarsha's also-

1122
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.040
asking, what should we be, what should we believe in instead?

1123
01:00:03.040 --> 01:00:05.320
And that is what the rest of this book club is about, Tarsha.

1124
01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:07.920
So buckle up because we're going to go there.

1125
01:00:08.920 --> 01:00:10.840
That's what the rest of the five weeks is all about.

1126
01:00:10.840 --> 01:00:12.280
We can't erase you guys.

1127
01:00:12.280 --> 01:00:14.400
We can't erase, but we can replace.

1128
01:00:14.400 --> 01:00:16.560
You can't erase the things that you've seen,

1129
01:00:16.840 --> 01:00:19.880
the movies you've watched, the sitcoms that you've binged.

1130
01:00:20.240 --> 01:00:23.800
You can't erase what mom and dad were like and their marriage was like

1131
01:00:23.800 --> 01:00:26.600
or what you were taught growing up about marriage, family,

1132
01:00:27.600 --> 01:00:29.280
love, all those things,

1133
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:33.200
but we can replace it with good information that's going to help you make a

1134
01:00:33.200 --> 01:00:34.760
match. Carolyn, what do you have?

1135
01:00:35.600 --> 01:00:36.440
Hi Jackie.

1136
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:38.000
Hi, nice to see you.

1137
01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:42.240
So this might be similar to what you were just saying,

1138
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:46.320
but it feels different. So for me personally, my parents,

1139
01:00:46.360 --> 01:00:49.000
like my mom actually heard the out loud voice of God,

1140
01:00:49.000 --> 01:00:51.400
like four times to marry my dad.

1141
01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:54.960
And then I had a vision and they were part of a church community that was really

1142
01:00:54.960 --> 01:00:56.560
particular about the way they did courtship.

1143
01:00:56.560 --> 01:00:58.920
And so there were other people involved anyway.

1144
01:00:58.920 --> 01:01:01.440
And it made me sound cult-like, but it worked.

1145
01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:04.880
A lot of people stayed married, so that's good. Anyway, so they've stayed married,

1146
01:01:04.880 --> 01:01:07.320
but they've had a terrible relationship most of my life.

1147
01:01:08.080 --> 01:01:12.000
So I have this really strange script running in my head between like as a kid,

1148
01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:16.200
I did I Kissed Dating Goodbye in high school and then I did a lot of dating in my

1149
01:01:16.200 --> 01:01:19.400
twenties. And then I just could never,

1150
01:01:19.480 --> 01:01:21.960
anytime there's a guy who really wants to marry me, well, not anytime,

1151
01:01:22.360 --> 01:01:24.360
but so like been a couple of times somebody really wants to marry me,

1152
01:01:24.360 --> 01:01:27.960
but I don't feel like it's the right person. But then when I felt like, okay,

1153
01:01:27.960 --> 01:01:30.840
the Lord's saying yes, but then it's either crazy or I don't know,

1154
01:01:30.840 --> 01:01:31.840
there's been very strange.

1155
01:01:31.840 --> 01:01:32.000
I mean,

1156
01:01:32.000 --> 01:01:35.160
it makes complete sense to me why you would develop a kind of an avoidant

1157
01:01:35.160 --> 01:01:38.760
attachment when it comes to making a decision about who's the right one,

1158
01:01:39.160 --> 01:01:42.200
because mom heard the audible voice of God. You know,

1159
01:01:42.200 --> 01:01:45.680
this is what she's told you and you love your mom and you obviously believe your

1160
01:01:45.680 --> 01:01:49.920
mom and dad had a vision and they've had a really bad marriage. It's just like,

1161
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:53.840
why does God hate these people? You know, why has God forced them? I mean,

1162
01:01:53.840 --> 01:01:56.080
good came out of it, Carolyn, cause you're here.

1163
01:01:56.080 --> 01:01:57.440
And so we're thankful for that.

1164
01:01:57.720 --> 01:02:01.640
But the bottom line is is that I will tell you that most people that have a

1165
01:02:01.640 --> 01:02:06.520
really dramatic extreme story like that about

1166
01:02:06.520 --> 01:02:10.120
how they met their spouse and how God told them that they had to get married,

1167
01:02:10.760 --> 01:02:15.240
also have a bad marriage. And so the math does a math. And so of course,

1168
01:02:15.240 --> 01:02:17.160
you're going to be like, I don't want to choose wrong.

1169
01:02:17.720 --> 01:02:19.640
I want to make sure that I'm right. Am I right?

1170
01:02:19.640 --> 01:02:22.360
You're going to second guess yourself. You're going to try to read the signs.

1171
01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:25.760
If there are no signs and you're going to try to be practical and it makes

1172
01:02:25.760 --> 01:02:29.600
complete sense about why this would be a handicap to you.

1173
01:02:30.320 --> 01:02:31.640
Okay. Cause it is,

1174
01:02:31.680 --> 01:02:36.200
it's like a supernatural fairy tale story that's also not a

1175
01:02:36.200 --> 01:02:41.320
fairy tale. So so I appreciate you being honest about that.

1176
01:02:43.120 --> 01:02:44.960
Friends, some of you have experienced this.

1177
01:02:44.960 --> 01:02:49.120
I have a lot of students that have joined my community that were in

1178
01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:54.400
cult like religious environments where the people that they married were

1179
01:02:54.440 --> 01:02:57.560
forced upon them because someone had a word or a vision from God.

1180
01:02:57.600 --> 01:03:01.640
Sometimes it was the pastor that had a word or vision from God because it was

1181
01:03:01.640 --> 01:03:06.000
meant to be, you're supposed to do it, whatever. I'm guilted into doing it.

1182
01:03:06.240 --> 01:03:09.000
I'm dealing with a young man right now who was dating a girl.

1183
01:03:09.040 --> 01:03:12.280
And the pastor was basically like, look, you've been dating her for too long.

1184
01:03:12.280 --> 01:03:14.400
You need to marry her. And he's like, well,

1185
01:03:14.400 --> 01:03:17.560
I don't know if I want to marry her. Well, you know, it's dishonorable.

1186
01:03:17.560 --> 01:03:20.600
I'm disappointed in you, son. You know, you shouldn't be, you know,

1187
01:03:20.600 --> 01:03:23.760
playing with her heart this way. And so he felt guilted into marrying her.

1188
01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:24.600
And guess what?

1189
01:03:24.680 --> 01:03:29.520
It's a terrible marriage because he didn't want to marry her and he married her.

1190
01:03:29.560 --> 01:03:33.200
And now he's having trouble connecting, being attracted to,

1191
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:36.280
even wanting to be in the relationship. And so friends,

1192
01:03:36.280 --> 01:03:40.960
we've got to unpack all this stuff and we've got to separate our will

1193
01:03:41.200 --> 01:03:42.120
from God's will.

1194
01:03:42.120 --> 01:03:44.800
And we're going to do some of that for those of you that are people of faith as

1195
01:03:44.800 --> 01:03:46.040
we go forward in this book club.

1196
01:03:48.200 --> 01:03:48.840
All right.

1197
01:03:48.840 --> 01:03:49.160
In fact,

1198
01:03:49.160 --> 01:03:52.680
let me see the hands of people that you would consider yourself some sort of

1199
01:03:52.720 --> 01:03:56.880
Christian believer. Okay. And I need to see it in the chat.

1200
01:03:56.880 --> 01:03:57.240
Don't read,

1201
01:03:57.240 --> 01:04:00.720
just raise your hand because a lot of people aren't on camera in the chat.

1202
01:04:00.720 --> 01:04:04.840
Let me see how many people of the 39 people that are still here live.

1203
01:04:06.880 --> 01:04:11.840
How many of you consider yourself people of faith, Christian faiths specifically?

1204
01:04:11.960 --> 01:04:12.800
Okay.

1205
01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:19.000
Cheryl, if you can see how many hands were raised,

1206
01:04:19.000 --> 01:04:21.400
kind of give me a number there. So I know who I'm talking to.

1207
01:04:21.960 --> 01:04:23.880
Even if you're deconstructing your faith, you guys,

1208
01:04:23.880 --> 01:04:26.320
you still consider yourself some sort of Christian believer.

1209
01:04:26.320 --> 01:04:30.280
I just want to know because I've heard these kinds of stories that Carolyn just

1210
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:34.280
shared so many times. And I just really feel like,

1211
01:04:35.400 --> 01:04:35.920
I just read,

1212
01:04:35.920 --> 01:04:39.120
I just wrote a book called modern dating sucks that you guys are reading right

1213
01:04:39.320 --> 01:04:42.120
now. But I was writing a book called Christian dating sucks.

1214
01:04:42.400 --> 01:04:45.480
That was my original book, just so you know. And I was like,

1215
01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:49.840
I need to expand it. So it's for everyone and not just for Christian people,

1216
01:04:49.840 --> 01:04:52.400
but I probably am going to release that book as well.

1217
01:04:52.400 --> 01:04:54.800
Cause it sounds like we need it. All right, Mandy, what do you got?

1218
01:04:58.680 --> 01:04:59.800
Okay. Um,

1219
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.400
I love that you said something about community.

1220
01:05:03.400 --> 01:05:06.640
I think that resonates really deeply with me.

1221
01:05:06.640 --> 01:05:08.760
I've been in a number of different communities,

1222
01:05:08.760 --> 01:05:12.580
church community, AA community for years and years.

1223
01:05:12.580 --> 01:05:15.520
And I found that either like this guy's,

1224
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:17.080
I don't know, way too religious

1225
01:05:17.080 --> 01:05:20.080
or this person like just got out of jail.

1226
01:05:20.080 --> 01:05:21.380
They just got sober.

1227
01:05:24.240 --> 01:05:26.260
Yeah, obviously you want to meet someone

1228
01:05:26.260 --> 01:05:28.660
that has like shared values and shared,

1229
01:05:29.100 --> 01:05:32.940
just shared languaging, but I have not had success.

1230
01:05:32.940 --> 01:05:36.620
And so last night I took myself out on a date

1231
01:05:36.620 --> 01:05:40.980
and to be findable and my,

1232
01:05:40.980 --> 01:05:44.100
just to put myself out there in the world

1233
01:05:44.100 --> 01:05:47.180
and because I go to bed every night at eight.

1234
01:05:47.180 --> 01:05:50.420
And so I was like, if I go to bed every night at 8 p.m.,

1235
01:05:50.420 --> 01:05:52.580
I'm not really ever gonna meet anybody.

1236
01:05:52.580 --> 01:05:54.180
I need to get out into community.

1237
01:05:54.180 --> 01:05:57.780
But now my brain is thinking like, oh my gosh,

1238
01:05:57.780 --> 01:06:00.820
I need to meet people that I already kind of know,

1239
01:06:00.820 --> 01:06:04.540
not just go out into Waikiki and just meet some random guy.

1240
01:06:04.540 --> 01:06:07.640
And I did meet, I reconnected with this person

1241
01:06:07.640 --> 01:06:10.960
from my old high school a couple months ago.

1242
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:13.340
He reached out to me, talk about community, right?

1243
01:06:13.340 --> 01:06:15.580
Like, and we hit it off right away,

1244
01:06:15.580 --> 01:06:19.420
probably because we had so much shared background

1245
01:06:19.420 --> 01:06:21.160
and familiarity and like where we grew up.

1246
01:06:21.160 --> 01:06:24.240
So we talked for hours, but when I started,

1247
01:06:24.240 --> 01:06:25.520
and it felt like home,

1248
01:06:25.520 --> 01:06:28.240
it felt like there was some compatibility there,

1249
01:06:28.240 --> 01:06:29.480
but he just got sober.

1250
01:06:29.480 --> 01:06:32.680
He doesn't have a job and he lives 5,000 miles away.

1251
01:06:32.680 --> 01:06:34.000
And I was like, okay, great.

1252
01:06:34.000 --> 01:06:36.840
He's checking off the boxes of like community

1253
01:06:36.840 --> 01:06:37.720
and all of that,

1254
01:06:37.720 --> 01:06:41.000
but these compatibility things are not lining up.

1255
01:06:42.120 --> 01:06:45.080
But anyway, my brain now is just like going in overdrive,

1256
01:06:45.080 --> 01:06:47.440
like thinking about this is never gonna work

1257
01:06:47.440 --> 01:06:48.800
because I have all of these things

1258
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:50.920
and maybe I shouldn't go out to Waikiki

1259
01:06:50.920 --> 01:06:53.820
and I should just like join a community, but I don't know.

1260
01:06:53.820 --> 01:06:54.920
So what is my question?

1261
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:55.760
I don't know.

1262
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:00.600
Well, I hear a lot of questions in there

1263
01:07:00.600 --> 01:07:03.520
about compatibility and about what we should be looking for

1264
01:07:03.520 --> 01:07:06.520
and what obstacles are worthy to overcome

1265
01:07:06.520 --> 01:07:09.600
and which aren't, what says that we should go forward

1266
01:07:09.600 --> 01:07:12.640
and what says, hey, this is not the right relationship

1267
01:07:12.640 --> 01:07:14.040
or at least not right now.

1268
01:07:14.040 --> 01:07:16.160
We're gonna answer all of those questions in this book club.

1269
01:07:16.160 --> 01:07:17.440
We're gonna get into compatibility.

1270
01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:19.640
We're gonna get into capacity.

1271
01:07:19.640 --> 01:07:21.340
This guy might be compatible to you,

1272
01:07:21.340 --> 01:07:23.880
but it doesn't sound like he has a lot of compatibility

1273
01:07:23.920 --> 01:07:26.960
for relationship or capacity for relationship right now.

1274
01:07:26.960 --> 01:07:28.400
It sounds like he's gotta work on himself.

1275
01:07:28.400 --> 01:07:29.520
He's gotta get a job.

1276
01:07:29.520 --> 01:07:32.160
He's gotta get himself together, get on his own two feet.

1277
01:07:32.160 --> 01:07:33.800
The last thing that you need is to,

1278
01:07:33.800 --> 01:07:35.640
and as you know from the AA community,

1279
01:07:35.640 --> 01:07:39.400
you cannot be his support human.

1280
01:07:39.400 --> 01:07:42.040
You can't be his human support animal, right?

1281
01:07:42.040 --> 01:07:45.200
It's important that you're allowing him to become a man

1282
01:07:45.200 --> 01:07:47.680
before you make him a husband.

1283
01:07:47.680 --> 01:07:50.340
And so friends, we're gonna dig into all of that.

1284
01:07:50.340 --> 01:07:53.240
What should be our deal breakers and our non-negotiables?

1285
01:07:53.960 --> 01:07:55.680
It sounds like Mandy's non-negotiable

1286
01:07:55.680 --> 01:07:58.000
is gonna be that she needs a sober relationship.

1287
01:07:58.000 --> 01:08:00.280
She needs someone who is,

1288
01:08:01.600 --> 01:08:03.240
and honestly, Mandy, for you,

1289
01:08:03.240 --> 01:08:06.900
not that you couldn't marry in the sober community,

1290
01:08:06.900 --> 01:08:08.780
but I would love to see you with someone

1291
01:08:08.780 --> 01:08:11.960
who actually never was an addict.

1292
01:08:11.960 --> 01:08:14.680
I think that that would be a really great match for you.

1293
01:08:14.680 --> 01:08:18.319
And so friends, we're gonna dig into non-negotiables,

1294
01:08:18.319 --> 01:08:20.800
who we are, what we need,

1295
01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:23.319
and what we cannot compromise on

1296
01:08:23.319 --> 01:08:25.359
in the third week of this book club.

1297
01:08:25.359 --> 01:08:28.120
And so you're gonna have a whole roadmap, Mandy,

1298
01:08:28.120 --> 01:08:30.399
in which to be able to vet out people

1299
01:08:30.399 --> 01:08:31.920
and make decisions very quickly

1300
01:08:31.920 --> 01:08:35.760
based on things that are very divine and good,

1301
01:08:35.760 --> 01:08:37.740
and you're gonna feel really good about it.

1302
01:08:37.740 --> 01:08:38.979
You'll be able to use your gut

1303
01:08:38.979 --> 01:08:40.840
and just weed people out quickly,

1304
01:08:40.840 --> 01:08:42.560
even if they feel like home.

1305
01:08:42.560 --> 01:08:44.060
Friends, anytime someone tells me

1306
01:08:44.060 --> 01:08:45.979
that someone feels like home,

1307
01:08:45.979 --> 01:08:46.880
they grew up with them,

1308
01:08:46.880 --> 01:08:48.720
they come from the same neighborhoods,

1309
01:08:48.720 --> 01:08:50.200
maybe they know the same people,

1310
01:08:50.200 --> 01:08:51.840
I always ask them the same question,

1311
01:08:51.840 --> 01:08:53.439
what did home feel like?

1312
01:08:53.439 --> 01:08:54.920
Because a lot of people that say that

1313
01:08:54.920 --> 01:08:57.240
came from homes that really weren't that healthy.

1314
01:08:57.240 --> 01:08:59.279
And a lot of times our nervous system

1315
01:08:59.279 --> 01:09:01.359
is just looking for something familiar,

1316
01:09:01.359 --> 01:09:04.040
even if familiar is not necessarily good.

1317
01:09:04.040 --> 01:09:06.720
And so I really want to encourage all of you

1318
01:09:06.720 --> 01:09:08.080
to be leaning into the healing

1319
01:09:08.080 --> 01:09:09.520
that is offering in this book club,

1320
01:09:09.520 --> 01:09:11.080
because I'm gonna do a lot of hard work with you

1321
01:09:11.080 --> 01:09:12.200
as we go forward.

1322
01:09:12.200 --> 01:09:14.380
And then all of you, without exception,

1323
01:09:14.380 --> 01:09:17.080
will be offered to come into my last year single community

1324
01:09:17.080 --> 01:09:18.960
for only $37.

1325
01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:21.660
And if you cancel after that, you can,

1326
01:09:21.660 --> 01:09:24.399
but it'll never be more than $37.

1327
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:26.640
We are in a new era where we are opening up

1328
01:09:26.640 --> 01:09:29.120
a community-based dating app.

1329
01:09:29.120 --> 01:09:31.120
I use dating app kind of loosely

1330
01:09:31.120 --> 01:09:33.560
because it's gonna be unlike anything that you've had before.

1331
01:09:33.560 --> 01:09:35.720
It's gonna be more like building your village

1332
01:09:35.720 --> 01:09:39.040
and meeting people that know people that know people

1333
01:09:39.040 --> 01:09:41.479
and being able to even match make each other

1334
01:09:41.479 --> 01:09:44.840
within that ecosystem.

1335
01:09:44.840 --> 01:09:48.520
And so anyway, doing the hard work

1336
01:09:49.080 --> 01:09:51.000
is gonna be the very first thing that you encounter

1337
01:09:51.000 --> 01:09:53.800
when you take that $37 rollover.

1338
01:09:53.800 --> 01:09:56.640
We've never done that offer before, before the book clubs.

1339
01:09:56.640 --> 01:09:59.040
So we've done it for the last three book clubs before you,

1340
01:09:59.040 --> 01:10:00.120
and you are the last.

1341
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.820
book club. So you're the last people that get that offer.

1342
01:10:02.980 --> 01:10:07.500
So you get to skip the $300 initiation fee to come into last year single and

1343
01:10:07.500 --> 01:10:11.540
you get to come in for 37 bucks. So artwork's going to be a big part of that.

1344
01:10:11.540 --> 01:10:14.340
I'm excited for all of you. Please do your dating autopsies.

1345
01:10:14.580 --> 01:10:15.900
I know you have a lot of questions.

1346
01:10:15.900 --> 01:10:18.700
So many of the questions are going to be answered in the next four coaching

1347
01:10:18.700 --> 01:10:23.620
sessions and or in the reading and coursework that you're doing and or on the

1348
01:10:23.620 --> 01:10:27.180
app because you asked me the question there and then I answer you there.

1349
01:10:27.360 --> 01:10:31.880
So please use it. Use it before you lose it. You have five weeks to use it.

1350
01:10:31.880 --> 01:10:36.160
You will have access to all the course material and replays for 60 days.

1351
01:10:36.400 --> 01:10:40.480
You will only have access to me for five weeks. So if you don't ask it,

1352
01:10:40.760 --> 01:10:44.400
don't cry later. Okay? Now, if you join my community, then of course,

1353
01:10:44.400 --> 01:10:48.640
you'll have access to me again. But, um, for those of you that don't, this is it.

1354
01:10:48.640 --> 01:10:50.280
So make sure you're answering those,

1355
01:10:50.280 --> 01:10:54.760
asking those questions so I can answer them in the last year single app.

1356
01:10:54.760 --> 01:10:57.500
All right. All right. You guys have an amazing night.