WEBVTT

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There we go.

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All right, ladies, welcome, welcome, welcome.

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It's Tuesday, it's September 1st.

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How exciting is that?

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So yeah, we're here.

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I'm actually here in Alabama.

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I don't know if anybody here is in Alabama.

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If you are, let me know.

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I'm only here for like another less than 24 hours, but I've been doing some traveling,

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so I really appreciate the grace y'all have been giving me in the app as I've been trying

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to get caught up on everybody's posts.

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I'm seeing lots of really great things.

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It's been really, really nice, but I thought I was going to be able to be more present

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than I have been.

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It actually was my parents' house that I did not have the greatest internet, but here at

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this resort that we are at a conference at for my husband's company, I have much better

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service, so I'm very excited.

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I just don't have the greatest lighting in here.

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This is the only thing.

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I'm literally sitting by a window, and hopefully, and I haven't even checked this, that people

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cannot see because if they're walking by, they literally can see me.

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I don't know if my windows are tinted.

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I have no idea, but we're going to roll with it.

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But I am excited to be here with you ladies.

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I think today will be a pretty ... I really think today I'm going to have a lot more opportunity

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to be able to take a lot more questions.

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I didn't have a whole lot of time to prepare, but when I was looking at y'all's post, I

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really did see just a theme kind of really surface that I think is going to be very beneficial,

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very practical, and it kind of goes with our last content that we have in our teaching

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content for phase two.

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So if you're brand new to phase two, and you haven't gotten to that boundaries coaching,

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just know that you'll get there.

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So you'll kind of get like a little bit of a preview, if you will.

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So with that being said, today I'm just going to maybe touch a little bit on boundaries,

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and then I'll go into taking some of your questions, and if you have questions about

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boundaries, I definitely want to hear them, and we will sift through those together.

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Oh, thank you for the ... yes, my pink pajamas.

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Yes, those.

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I actually gotten those for Valentine's Day for my daughter and I to go to a little mother-daughter

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Bible study thing, and then, yeah, so we got matching pajamas.

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So they're super comfortable.

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I actually wear them a lot.

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And thank you.

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I actually quickly curled my hair because my hair was straight when I left this morning

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to go watch my husband was presenting in the conference, and I didn't have time to do my

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hair.

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And so I'm like, well, I got to curl my hair because it didn't look so great.

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So thank you.

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Thank you for recognizing that.

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Thank you, Dana.

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Yeah, there's days that I come on here and I'm not put together, and that's fine.

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I love it.

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I love it.

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And Dana, it is so good to see you.

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So good to see you.

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All right.

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I know we don't have very many ladies on today.

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There's not ... how many of us are there?

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There's nine.

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Well, hopefully some more ladies will join us, but yeah, like I said, today I'm going

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to kind of talk a little bit about boundaries and that healthy boundaries are not really

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there to keep people out, if you will.

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All right.

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They're not there to say no, but they really are there to kind of help guide us towards

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... it helps protect us and keeps us in that discovery stage, especially in phase two.

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And so what can happen is if we kind of step out of boundaries, if you will, we can start

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drifting into a place where we want certainty and we want to start rescuing and we want

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to start striving and we might start going into fantasy land.

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And we really want to make sure in this phase two, especially when you start getting into

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that discovery dating, that you stay grounded and you stay in your lane.

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All right.

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You stay in that boundary lane.

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and you start gathering information as you gradually you know some ladies decide that

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you know they're ready to start dating right out the gate and they'll start start doing the dating

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some of you ladies are like okay i want to i want to kind of slow myself into this and you know

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that was me that was me when i was in the program um and i was in as a client as a as a student if

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you will um of jackie's like it took me a while to want to um get my get my feet wet so um just

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know y'all are at your own pace at your own journey and so we want to meet you wherever you're at and

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so um i really do my best to tailor all of these coaching teachings to um to really be useful for

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everyone no matter where you're at in your phase two okay so whether you're first coming in

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or you've been here for a minute and you're about ready to go into phase three um hopefully there's

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um a load of wisdom here for you and um you learn something new so uh with that being said let's go

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ahead and uh pray and then i will do a couple housekeeping things and if there's anyone brand

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new i don't know if there is that's new to phase two please just go ahead and share in the chat

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that you're new so i see you um as i am praying so heavenly father i just thank you for today

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i thank you for bringing each of us here together today and and that there's nobody here by accident

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lord you know every story every question you know every hope and every disappointment

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you know every desire that's represented on this call and in the replay lord

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lord i just ask that we invite your present your holy spirit into this conversation lord i just

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ask that you open each and every one of our hearts to receive whatever it is that you want to reveal

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to us father and you know just give us the humility to recognize what it what it is that

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you want to grow in each each individual one of us um and just giving us the courage to respond

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when you gently invite us to something new lord i just i thank you that you're a gentle father

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that you know you just take us one step at a time you know you don't ask us to

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um go completely off the dive in and then into the into the deep waters lord right away but that

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you just guide us gently and so i just thank you for that father um lord as we talk about

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healthy boundaries today i just ask that you help us see through your eyes that we don't view

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boundaries as walls um that keep people out um but that we we use it as wisdom that helps us

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to faithfully steward what it is that you entrust us with um but that we also look at boundaries as

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you know fences and that they're not something that you know we allow people um full access

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right away that we we really do trust that you um help us recognize what it is that belongs to us

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what it is that belongs to others and what it is that belongs to you um lord if we're

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carrying responsibilities that you've never asked us to carry lord i just ask that you help us

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lovingly place them back down just completely let those go let's drop the rope father um and and

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allow allow if it was yours to carry or someone else's to carry that we just let the person

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whose responsibility it is to carry that so um lord just continue to give us that courage to

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be able to do so lord if if we've been striving to control outcomes lord just remind us that you're

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a trustworthy father um you write a better story than any of us ever could so help us remain present

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um and just help us stay curious and help us you know continue to to reach for that excitement

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and the anticipation and uh just expectancy lord um help us protect a beautiful gift that you've

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you've given us with discovery dating that we get to partner with you we don't have to take

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things over that doesn't belong to us we don't have to rush ahead and we don't

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have to stall, but you are Holy Spirit and you guide every single step. You know, you say that,

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you know, we get to, to, you know, you get to guide the steps, Father. You know, we plan them,

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but then you, you get to tell us where those go. And so I just thank you for that, Father,

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that if we step out of, of a boundary or out of a line that you just gently course correct us,

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Father. And so I just thank you for the opportunity to continue to invite us

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into experiencing a greater freedom, a deeper peace and a closer walk with you. Lord, I,

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we love you. We love you. We trust you. We give this time to you. We surrender it to you, Father

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in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. All right. Did we get more people on? Um, yes, yes, yes.

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Um, yeah. Can everybody hear me? Stacey, are you able to hear me now?

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Maybe turn up your volume. I don't know. I, I, okay. I'm getting thumbs up. That's good. Okay.

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Good. I'm in a new, I'm in a different location, so I just want to make sure that I've got

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everything rolling here. Um, and so someone's on a train. Awesome. That's so cool. Tell us

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where you're going. Where are you at? That's exciting. Ooh, look at that. I love it. That's

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so exciting. Um, I want to know where you're going, Caitlin. Um, so yeah. Um, welcome ladies.

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It's so good to be here. Um, a couple of housekeeping items. Uh, do I have anybody

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brand new to phase two? I think I already asked that, but I don't think I see anybody right off

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the top of my, my list here. I don't have very many, many people on camera. I have lots of photos,

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but I don't see anybody on camera. Do I have Stacey? This is your second session.

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Oh, we do have a new, new one. Um, how do I pronounce your name? Is it

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Zan? Yes. Perfect. Thank you. I got it. Actually my, uh, second week.

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Well, my first time meeting you. Yeah. Yes. And I've seen your post and I've gotten to reply to

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you. Um, you're bringing lots of great questions and I just, I really appreciate, um, just ladies.

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I, this goes for all of you. Cause I know a lot of you I see on here. You all are,

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are definitely involved and you are putting yourself out there. You are, are posting,

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you're getting vulnerable in your post. And I just really want, I feel like I say this every week,

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but it's because it is important, um, that it really is one of the reasons why this community

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works is the involvement and the engagement of each one of you actually is what builds this

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community. Um, you know, yes, myself and, and Ebony, we've been here for, you know, many years.

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Um, I can't remember exactly when Ebony joined the community. I've been here since 2020. So I've

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been here since the very, very beginning. So I've been here almost six years. Um, and it was about

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a good solid two years in until I met my husband and we're celebrating our third year anniversary

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here in two days, um, of being married. So I've been teaching in this community now for about

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three years. And so even though I've, you know, walked through this community and I've, I've,

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I've been where you've been and I'm, I was a student. Um, and I relate to so many of those

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things and, and I relate to a lot of the ups and the downs and that's, you know, one of the gifts

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that I've been very, very thankful for. Um, and I, I shared this a couple of weeks ago about,

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you know, this, I know the discouragement, um, and, and what I can say is it, it, I get that

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it doesn't feel good at the time, but what I can say is now that I'm on this other side of it

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is that discouragement is actually what's God is using that for me to be able to pour into y'all

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and so that I can serve singles better. And I think that's super important because I'm sure

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many of you would agree. I mean, this was always my big frustration when I was a single is that

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it never felt like churches that, you know, the local churches ever served singles well.

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And so when, you know, Jackie's community came along, it was, it was a breath of fresh air.

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And it really, it was such a gift that Jackie, you know, just did that so well.

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Oh, and you know, and she was married.

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And so it was just really a breath of fresh air that someone that, um, knows

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what it's like to be married, was able to still pour into singles.

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And so that, that was always frustrating.

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Cause I always felt like sometimes I go to church and the married

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couples just weren't, weren't always very positive about marriage sometimes.

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And so you're just like, well, that's not really what I'm hoping for.

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Or there's just that discouragement of like, oh, like you're just supposed

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to be happy being single and, um, you know, you're supposed to be God's bride.

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And it's like, okay, I get that.

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But you, you just, I think, you know, I think many of you ladies

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know what I'm talking about.

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Okay.

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Um, so I remember what that feels like.

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And so it is just always been on my heart.

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Um, after, you know, finding my, my spirit mate and, you know, getting my

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love story is that I don't forget that.

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Um, because yeah, it, it doesn't change.

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It doesn't change the fact that the churches do need to serve singles better.

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And, and ladies, I will even tell you, they don't just

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struggle with serving singles.

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They struggle at serving blended families.

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And I'm in that season of my life and I'm like, oh my goodness.

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Like that's a whole nother level.

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Like, so I am seeing how me being able to pour into singles.

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I am praying that will, it will bless you all and prepare you all for the

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marriages that y'all are going to step into and prepare you for that as well.

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Especially, you know, lots of you are probably going to be getting

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into some blended family situations.

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You know, my husband and I were talking earlier, um, this week and, you

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know, cause he's always, you know, telling people when he's at work

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events, like what I do, um, he thinks it's fascinating, like it's sometimes

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I'm like, oh, like having to explain it.

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It's, it's a challenge, you know?

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Cause they're all like, oh, you're like hitch.

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And I'm like, no, not really.

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Um, it's not like that.

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Um, and you know, just bringing the spiritual side into it, but, um, but

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yeah, so we were just, you know, sharing is that, you know, it's, it really

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is this, you know, this you are preparing.

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And so, um, anyway, I don't want to take up too much of our

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time kind of going over that.

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Let's go ahead and get back into our teaching here, but, um, anyway, it's

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really, really good to see you ladies.

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So yes, that, um, I feel like I am forgetting a housekeeping item.

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Let me look down here at my notes.

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I don't even have like my usual notes because I'm like out of pocket.

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It's very strange for me.

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Um, I know I'm forgetting something.

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Oh, that's it.

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Supernatural Saturday.

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I know I saw, um, someone was asking if supernatural Saturday was recorded

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and posted and I was traveling, so I didn't even get to log in.

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Um, and so I haven't seen a replay either.

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And it looks like someone had replied to that.

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So can't remember who that was, but I thankful that they did.

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Cause it sounds like, um, there was a pivot and so, um, that

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was not recorded for replay.

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However, I did look earlier and saw that.

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Okay, perfect.

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It was a prayer session.

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So it was more of a prayer session than a supernatural Saturday.

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So that's probably why we're not seeing a replay.

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Um, but there is a Sunday prophetic night activation that was recorded.

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And so you might not have supernatural Saturday, but there is a Sunday night.

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So go ahead and watch that.

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And one thing that I shared on someone's post that had asked about that, ladies,

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I want to encourage you, like whenever you feel like you just need to watch

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something or feel like you just need to be lifted up and maybe there's not a

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supernatural Saturday or you already watched it, or maybe you watched one and

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you're like, okay, that, that was good.

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But I still feel like there's something else that can resonate.

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Pray about what it is that the Lord wants to highlight to you.

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Cause oftentimes if you go back into those replays, I mean, we

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have replays from months ago.

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Like go back and re-listen to something.

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I do that often.

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And something that I listened to maybe a few months ago, I'll listen to again.

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And I'm like, whoa, I don't think I heard that though when I first listened to it.

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Um,

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So, okay, perfect.

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I'm so thankful that y'all had that session

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to be praying over their family.

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That's wonderful.

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And yeah, just marriages and families

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in general and mental health.

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And yeah, I mean, I can attest to that because,

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yeah, ladies, I was even sharing with other people,

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like, you know, I'm here in Alabama

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and one of the exciting things is

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one of the girls that I got to know from this community,

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we were both single.

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We both lived in Florida.

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I lived in Sarasota and she lived in Orlando.

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And we were single and I met my husband

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and then the weekend later, I met her

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and a few other of our last year single members

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in Orlando to go to a For King and Country concert.

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And so I remember just sitting with them

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and we were like getting together for like,

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we had, I think we sat down and had some like dinner

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before we went to the concert.

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And so I was getting to tell them about my like,

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you know, first date with this guy and you know,

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how it was going and the excitement of that.

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And then she ended up later down the road,

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she ended up meeting a guy.

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And so I moved to Texas, never wanting to move from Florida

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she was in Orlando, Florida.

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She never really thought she'd move

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and she's now living in Alabama with her husband.

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And so she's blended in a family, I'm blended in a family.

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So we got to get together two days ago.

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And so it was really, really exciting,

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but we were both like talking about how,

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what a blessing this community was

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because we've gotten to connect.

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And so what we were sharing is like, wow,

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we think the enemies after us when we were single,

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like we remember what that was like

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and the discouragement and all those things.

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And, you know, for a moment when we were, you know,

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with our, when we met our spirit mates, things are well,

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but then it was like, as soon as like some of that planning

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started to happen, like with weddings and stuff,

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it was like full on like attack.

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And so it's been really nice to have this community

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because you all will get to know each other.

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And then as you all meet people

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and like, you'll just get to share that.

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So it really is a blessing.

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So anyway, all right.

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So yeah, definitely check out those replays for sure.

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And then ladies, again,

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I just appreciate the grace

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that y'all have been giving me this week

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while I have been traveling.

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So if I have not responded to a post or I did

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and then you responded and you want me to go back

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and look at it and I haven't, do me a favor

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and just make a new post and let me know

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because I don't want to miss anything.

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And I know I probably have missed a few things,

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probably more than I usually do.

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So if you do that, that will help keep me in check.

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I would really appreciate that.

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And so let's go ahead and go into celebrating

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like what I've seen in our post this week.

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Seen lots of women sharing a lot of really great things

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like slowing down before making decisions.

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As always, I think that's just something

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I'm continuing to see.

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Staying present instead of jumping ahead,

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releasing outcomes, recognizing the difference

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between helping someone and rescuing someone.

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Like someone had a really, really good post about that.

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I can't remember off the top of my head who it was,

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but it was really, really good.

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Where they recognize in themselves

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that they typically go into fixing and rescuing

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and they didn't do that right away.

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And so, but then they went on a couple more dates

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and decided, okay, maybe it's okay for me

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to offer something.

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And so that was a really beautiful like transition into it.

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And she handled it really well.

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She handled it as a like, I'm not coming in here to fix

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and be responsible for this and rescue you.

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I'm giving you an opportunity

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that if you want my help with something,

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this is what I have to offer.

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And then she allowed that gentleman to make the decision

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on whether or not he wanted to accept that as an imitation.

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And so she really, like I saw the growth in that.

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And so several, several of those posts

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as I was looking and, you know, coaching.

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those this week, I recognize that a lot of that didn't have so much to do necessarily with

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dating as much as it does with boundaries. Because when we're dating, we're actually

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incorporating a lot of boundaries. You can't have dating if you don't have boundaries.

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That's super important. That's why we have that boundaries teaching in our content.

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And yes, it's that fifth video. So some of you ladies that are new, don't stress if you haven't

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watched it yet. Because remember, we're not rushing through phase two. We're not jumping

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ahead. We're not like, okay, phase three is going to be there. Remember that. But if you have watched

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it, you do get more of a breakdown of what boundaries are, what that looks like. So today,

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I really just want us to look at it in a more practical sense of wherever you are at in dating,

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let's really see what that can look like. How does that show up in dating, especially

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in these beginning stages? And so when you're looking at boundaries, I want you ladies to not

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think of them as walls. I don't want you to think of healthy boundaries as rules either.

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I want you to think of healthy boundaries as responsibilities.

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Write that down if you need to. Boundaries aren't walls. They're not rules. They're simply

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responsibilities. Like I shared before, they really do protect our ability to stay in discovery

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instead of drifting ourselves into that place of certainty, rescuing, striving, fantasy,

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fantasy, before we really have enough information. Okay. And so

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one question that's going to be an anchor that can change everything.

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Yes. Fences with gates. So you've probably, yes, I've taught on this several times. And even in

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that coaching, it's fences with gates. We don't have an open gate and we don't have like no gate

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at all. Right. And so the one question that truly will help change the way you date is asking

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yourself, whose responsibility is this? Okay. Whose responsibility is this? And there's three

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categories. You ready? The first one, is this my responsibility? Is this someone else's responsibility?

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And the third, who do you think also has responsibility?

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I think I saw Sarah Shell mouth it. Yes. God. Okay. There are three people

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to decide who gets that responsibility. Whose lane is it? Okay. Which boundary? Okay.

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You only have to be responsible for yours. So the things that you're responsible, the things that are

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your boundaries, that are your responsibility are going to be your healing, your communication,

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your own boundaries, and your like next faithful step. Okay. Those are yours. You stay in your lane.

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Now we're going to move over to someone else's boundaries. Okay. So in dating,

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this is going to like be the man. But again, I know some of you ladies, maybe you're not dating

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yet. You're preparing for dating and you don't have to close your ears right now

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because boundaries are in all relationships. All relationships. Family, coworkers, children, parents,

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um, church members, best friends. Like I have a best friend that I got to see this,

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this week and we have been best friends for gosh, like 15 years. And like, she's like,

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I'm celebrating three years with my husband and he's my best friend, but she's like, she's my

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best friend because he's more of my best friend, but she's been my best friend longer.

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But it's taken like, I mean, 15 years of really growing that friendship and, and realizing

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what those boundaries look like.

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And so I'm in this like three years of marriage and my husband and I are still trying to navigate

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what a health, healthy boundaries look like with each other.

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We're still trying to learn each other a little bit, you know, um, like what triggers we each

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have and like how we respond.

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I had that with my best friend and you know, now I'm like, Oh, this isn't mine.

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This is hers or this is my, you know, like she, I have permission from her of when I

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can, when I can come into her lane and say, Hey, I'm going to look at like, I, I, I'm

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going to point something out here, but I didn't always have that permission.

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I had to earn that permission.

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Like I had to gain that we, there was trust that had to be built in order for that boundary

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to come down.

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And so that's really important to remember.

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Okay.

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So, you know, other people's boundaries that will change with time too, based on where

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you're at in your relationship.

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So someone else's responsibilities, especially right now, ladies, if we're looking at dating,

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and I see this often, some of you ladies ask, well, I don't know if he's done his heart

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work yet.

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I don't know if he's healed yet.

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And that might be true, but guess what?

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Is that your responsibility?

393
00:31:54.600 --> 00:32:00.320
Nope, it's not.

394
00:32:00.320 --> 00:32:10.040
It's not your responsibility, their growth, their healing, their decisions, their consistency.

395
00:32:10.040 --> 00:32:12.040
It belongs to them.

396
00:32:12.040 --> 00:32:17.680
I wasn't even going to share this, but I really feel like Holy Spirit's pressing me

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on this.

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But one thing that God revealed to me even this week, you know, in marriage is, you know,

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00:32:28.760 --> 00:32:36.360
as you build a relationship with someone, you begin to build trust with somebody where

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00:32:36.360 --> 00:32:43.960
you can kind of, you can step in and see like, okay, someone has an area where they

401
00:32:43.960 --> 00:32:45.520
need to heal and grow.

402
00:32:45.520 --> 00:32:46.520
Okay.

403
00:32:46.520 --> 00:32:50.280
So you ladies that are dating and they're like, oh, this guy, you know, I don't think

404
00:32:50.280 --> 00:32:55.160
he's healed from this and let me go ahead and take on that responsibility.

405
00:32:55.160 --> 00:33:04.360
Ladies, I am celebrating almost three years of marriage in two days, and I've recognized

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00:33:04.360 --> 00:33:10.680
there are still some areas where my husband and I are still having to learn to trust each

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00:33:10.680 --> 00:33:21.800
other with certain areas of vulnerability, like areas in our past where like there was

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00:33:21.800 --> 00:33:22.800
like trauma.

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00:33:22.800 --> 00:33:28.160
And, you know, I can sometimes see like, well, my husband's not really healed there.

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00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:29.760
He's not trusting me with this.

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And so I want to point something out to him.

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00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:42.200
And when I do that, it triggers him and he takes it as like me criticizing him because

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00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:43.920
that's one thing that he struggled with.

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And so I have to be very careful of how I show up that I don't cross certain boundaries

415
00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:56.100
because we're still growing what those boundaries look like.

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00:33:56.100 --> 00:33:59.160
We're still building that relationship.

417
00:33:59.160 --> 00:34:02.760
And so ladies, I want you to think about that when you, these are guys that you're

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00:34:02.760 --> 00:34:08.520
dating and you're wanting to come in and be like, I'm going to tell him he needs to do

419
00:34:08.520 --> 00:34:10.480
this healing.

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00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:18.400
I want you to think about it, like really sit with me, like, is this my responsibility?

421
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:23.320
Because guess what, ladies, we're all going to have areas of healing and growth.

422
00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:26.719
You know, marriage is going to be a maturing process.

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00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:28.360
It's going to be a growing process.

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Like it's an iron sharpens iron.

425
00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:31.679
All right.

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00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:38.920
You all are working on your individual healing right now and it's beautiful.

427
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:47.020
And God is just going to continue to grow that in you, especially as you step into relationships.

428
00:34:47.020 --> 00:34:52.360
And my ladies that have been here in phase two for a minute that have gone on some dates,

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00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:58.040
I'm sure y'all will agree like, oh yeah, there's been some dates that have stretched

430
00:34:58.040 --> 00:34:59.840
me and I've grown from.

431
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.720
I've had to kind of, you know, look at, I've had to go look in the mirror a little bit.

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Okay.

433
00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:09.720
And so I want you ladies to think about that.

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Okay.

435
00:35:10.720 --> 00:35:13.880
And then the next one is God's.

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00:35:13.880 --> 00:35:19.760
This is the one that, you know, I really struggled with because I am that, like, I just want

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00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:20.760
certainty.

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00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:21.760
I want to have control.

439
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:22.760
I want the plan.

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00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:25.200
I want to just have it look a certain way.

441
00:35:25.200 --> 00:35:32.920
And so, ladies, we have to remember God's responsibility is the future, is the outcome,

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00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:39.120
it's timing, and it's writing the story.

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00:35:39.120 --> 00:35:47.080
And so when we come with these questions, I really want you ladies to stop and say,

444
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:52.560
okay, whose responsibility is this?

445
00:35:52.560 --> 00:35:56.160
There was something in my notes that I really wanted to make sure I touched on and I do

446
00:35:56.160 --> 00:35:58.800
not want to miss it.

447
00:35:58.800 --> 00:36:03.760
And I'm making sure that I don't.

448
00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:10.960
So give me a moment because I feel like I might have blown past it already.

449
00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:14.320
Oh my goodness.

450
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:16.320
I can't find it.

451
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:25.360
Lord Jesus, I need you to highlight it to me because it was really good.

452
00:36:25.360 --> 00:36:30.200
And when it came to me, I was like, oh my gosh, I've got to put this in my notes.

453
00:36:30.200 --> 00:36:36.000
Anyway, I'm going to pray that Holy Spirit will reveal it to me.

454
00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:37.440
Anyway, okay.

455
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:40.720
So, discovery dating, you're going to hear us say a lot about that.

456
00:36:40.720 --> 00:36:44.640
If you're a brand new face, you're going to hear us talk a lot about discovery dating.

457
00:36:44.640 --> 00:36:51.840
Discovery dating is going to give you that permission to not know everything yet.

458
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:52.840
You get to stay curious.

459
00:36:52.840 --> 00:36:54.640
That's what you get permission to do.

460
00:36:54.640 --> 00:36:56.080
You get to stay curious.

461
00:36:56.080 --> 00:37:00.400
You get to gather information during the discovery dating phase.

462
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:05.200
And it's the opportunity to let fruit grow over time.

463
00:37:05.200 --> 00:37:11.320
Because when we step out of our responsibilities, when we step out of our lane, we're going

464
00:37:11.400 --> 00:37:19.640
to start managing, rescuing, striving, imagining what our future is going to look like.

465
00:37:19.640 --> 00:37:23.800
And we're going to want to start beginning to control those outcomes.

466
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:29.120
So when we start taking over someone else's responsibilities or God's responsibilities,

467
00:37:29.120 --> 00:37:33.840
we start operating in those things.

468
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:38.120
And ladies, that doesn't bring peace.

469
00:37:38.120 --> 00:37:46.920
And so I really want us to make sure that we're focusing on that.

470
00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:48.720
So let's see here.

471
00:37:48.720 --> 00:37:52.680
Do I have any questions yet about boundaries?

472
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:53.680
I have a question.

473
00:37:53.680 --> 00:37:54.680
Yes.

474
00:37:54.680 --> 00:37:57.680
I'm going to take myself off.

475
00:37:57.680 --> 00:37:58.680
Hi.

476
00:37:58.680 --> 00:37:59.680
Hi.

477
00:37:59.680 --> 00:38:00.680
Hey, girl.

478
00:38:00.680 --> 00:38:01.680
Thank you.

479
00:38:01.680 --> 00:38:03.160
So good to see your beautiful face.

480
00:38:03.160 --> 00:38:04.960
I'm not actively dating yet.

481
00:38:04.960 --> 00:38:09.440
I'm like pampering myself, you know, doing a little mini makeovers and stuff.

482
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:10.440
I know.

483
00:38:10.440 --> 00:38:11.440
I saw that.

484
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:12.440
I love that.

485
00:38:12.440 --> 00:38:18.800
Because I have a lot of experience with online dating, horrible, horrible experiences.

486
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:23.320
I do have a boundary and I just wanted your opinion on it.

487
00:38:23.320 --> 00:38:30.280
I found when I was online dating a few years ago that men always tend to, as soon as you

488
00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:34.640
start talking to them on the chat, they go, well, can you send me some pictures?

489
00:38:34.640 --> 00:38:38.640
That's not on, that's not posted.

490
00:38:38.640 --> 00:38:43.840
And my boundary is no, because, and I'm going to tell you why.

491
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:47.800
If you want pictures, why can't we do a video chat?

492
00:38:47.800 --> 00:38:49.200
I love the video chat.

493
00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:53.040
Also another boundary I have is I will not be a pen pal.

494
00:38:53.040 --> 00:39:00.520
I am not going to talk to a guy more than three weeks and he not initiated a meeting

495
00:39:00.520 --> 00:39:02.360
or a date.

496
00:39:02.360 --> 00:39:06.600
And I just wanted to know how, you know, being that this is what you do, what, what

497
00:39:06.600 --> 00:39:08.200
is your take on that?

498
00:39:08.200 --> 00:39:09.200
So these are really good.

499
00:39:09.200 --> 00:39:17.120
And like, I'm hearing, um, like our, I'm hearing lots of our encouragement woven in there.

500
00:39:17.120 --> 00:39:20.560
There are a couple of things that I am going to highlight.

501
00:39:20.560 --> 00:39:21.560
Okay.

502
00:39:21.560 --> 00:39:26.320
Um, and I know you're brand new, so I always preface and my ladies in here, you can always

503
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:29.320
ask them, I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader.

504
00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:30.320
Okay.

505
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:33.480
I'm always like celebrating you ladies and stuff.

506
00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:41.560
I, but I'm also going to be your big sister and big sisters sometimes tell us what, um,

507
00:39:41.560 --> 00:39:42.560
we need to hear.

508
00:39:42.560 --> 00:39:43.560
Not always what we want to hear.

509
00:39:43.560 --> 00:39:44.560
Exactly.

510
00:39:44.560 --> 00:39:45.560
Okay.

511
00:39:45.560 --> 00:39:50.080
And so I always preface this because sometimes ladies are like, I didn't want to hear that

512
00:39:50.080 --> 00:39:51.080
Carl.

513
00:39:51.080 --> 00:39:57.920
Um, but I say it in love and I say it, you know, gently because I've been there.

514
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:00.080
Um, and I remember what that's like.

515
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.420
So, um, there's many great things.

516
00:40:03.420 --> 00:40:10.840
Like, I love that you have a boundary of, you know, the, the sending pictures.

517
00:40:10.860 --> 00:40:15.300
Like if you've got a pro of a profile up and you've got a good selection

518
00:40:15.300 --> 00:40:16.900
of pictures, you're right.

519
00:40:16.900 --> 00:40:17.340
You don't.

520
00:40:17.780 --> 00:40:20.220
Why do you need another picture now?

521
00:40:20.620 --> 00:40:23.020
That's funny about strange men.

522
00:40:23.020 --> 00:40:29.220
I never met in person asking me for pictures, you know, because men are funny

523
00:40:29.220 --> 00:40:32.760
men, I've had no friends and let me tell you what they do.

524
00:40:32.760 --> 00:40:36.120
They take your pictures and they go around and they, what you think, what

525
00:40:36.120 --> 00:40:40.320
you think, what you think you never even met me, you know, I just find that

526
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:41.280
kind of personal.

527
00:40:41.680 --> 00:40:42.200
Yes.

528
00:40:42.240 --> 00:40:44.120
So, but I want you to be careful.

529
00:40:44.160 --> 00:40:44.760
Okay.

530
00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:48.600
I want you to be careful in the lens that you're looking.

531
00:40:48.600 --> 00:40:48.920
Okay.

532
00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:50.640
And the, and the words that you're using.

533
00:40:50.640 --> 00:40:50.840
Okay.

534
00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:54.680
So this is where, this is where, you know, Carla comes in as your big sister.

535
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:55.120
Okay.

536
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:55.960
Okay.

537
00:40:56.100 --> 00:41:01.060
No, I asked, I want, I want, I asked, I really want to know, be careful

538
00:41:01.060 --> 00:41:05.860
with the words, men, always the ones I have met.

539
00:41:05.980 --> 00:41:06.460
Okay.

540
00:41:07.180 --> 00:41:12.180
I want you to be careful because now you're assigning this belief that

541
00:41:12.260 --> 00:41:14.380
it's always going to be true.

542
00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:21.660
Now, what you've experienced, are there men out there that are weird about

543
00:41:21.660 --> 00:41:22.540
pictures?

544
00:41:23.060 --> 00:41:24.020
Absolutely.

545
00:41:24.920 --> 00:41:29.560
Is it possible that there may be some men out there that ask that aren't.

546
00:41:33.640 --> 00:41:37.560
Even if you haven't come across them, not yet, there can be.

547
00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:40.560
And the reason I say that, cause I was the same way.

548
00:41:40.560 --> 00:41:43.760
I'm like, I've got a selection of photos on my profile.

549
00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:44.840
Why do you need something else?

550
00:41:45.640 --> 00:41:51.160
My husband wanted a photo of me without my makeup.

551
00:41:51.680 --> 00:41:53.360
I was not feeling well.

552
00:41:54.200 --> 00:41:56.720
And he wanted to see what I look like in the here and now.

553
00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:59.080
And some men, okay.

554
00:41:59.600 --> 00:42:07.440
Have expressed, I want to know that this girl is real and not a filter.

555
00:42:07.720 --> 00:42:13.520
And so like when you ask for a photo on the spot, is she willing to give me a

556
00:42:13.520 --> 00:42:17.000
photo of where she's at right now?

557
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:23.600
And so like, sometimes it's like, I, I get that because I want to make sure

558
00:42:23.600 --> 00:42:25.580
that I'm talking to a real person.

559
00:42:25.580 --> 00:42:27.740
Cause same thing with the men.

560
00:42:29.140 --> 00:42:33.900
Like I've been on a few, I've been on a handful of dates where the guy looked a

561
00:42:33.900 --> 00:42:36.060
certain way in the photo and then I get in front of him.

562
00:42:36.060 --> 00:42:37.340
I'm like, that is not you.

563
00:42:37.380 --> 00:42:42.380
That was like, that's why I like the video chat, but that's what I wanted to

564
00:42:42.380 --> 00:42:43.220
highlight.

565
00:42:44.220 --> 00:42:45.300
That's what I want to highlight.

566
00:42:45.300 --> 00:42:51.260
Cause like, I love the fact that like you have a boundary that, Hey, I'm not

567
00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:56.840
comfortable with the, the sending you a photo, but what I am comfortable with is

568
00:42:56.840 --> 00:42:58.280
why don't we get on a video chat?

569
00:42:58.920 --> 00:43:01.520
So I love the fact that you've given an option.

570
00:43:01.840 --> 00:43:05.000
You're not like putting a wall up and saying, absolutely not.

571
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:10.680
I just, I don't want you to get into this, this state of mind where if someone asks

572
00:43:10.680 --> 00:43:13.760
you for a photo, you go on defense.

573
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:14.720
You see what I'm saying?

574
00:43:14.760 --> 00:43:15.840
It does trigger me.

575
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:21.160
As you can see, that is probably something that if

576
00:43:21.160 --> 00:43:26.220
you, if you recognize that's going to come up in these beginning stages, this

577
00:43:26.220 --> 00:43:30.460
is where we can walk you through that heartwork piece and we're going to start

578
00:43:30.460 --> 00:43:36.040
coming, um, you know, you'll come to these calls or, or in, in the, in the

579
00:43:36.040 --> 00:43:37.780
chats and things like that in the app.

580
00:43:37.780 --> 00:43:42.540
Like, Hey, I'm noticing this, I'm recognizing this is what's going on.

581
00:43:42.580 --> 00:43:44.820
And, and you're, you're spending time with the Lord.

582
00:43:44.820 --> 00:43:49.100
You're, you're asking us coaches to like walk you through work and we're going to

583
00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:59.080
start uncovering what is it that I'm believing what's, what, what there is not

584
00:43:59.080 --> 00:43:59.600
true.

585
00:43:59.600 --> 00:44:00.960
What's God's truth.

586
00:44:01.600 --> 00:44:10.120
How can I heal from what I'm believing and now use what God actually says and, and

587
00:44:10.120 --> 00:44:12.440
apply, apply the heartwork to it.

588
00:44:13.600 --> 00:44:16.040
And so you're, you're on track.

589
00:44:16.540 --> 00:44:21.460
Like I've seen your post this last week and that's why I'm like, I see even just

590
00:44:21.460 --> 00:44:26.100
this last week, like you've got, you've got some foundation girl.

591
00:44:26.360 --> 00:44:26.900
Oh yeah.

592
00:44:27.300 --> 00:44:27.860
You do.

593
00:44:27.860 --> 00:44:33.080
I got some, I got stuff that I won't even share because it's so negative.

594
00:44:33.340 --> 00:44:37.860
I don't want to spread it throughout the community, but I've had some horror

595
00:44:37.860 --> 00:44:43.660
stories, serious, but we may have to uncover some of those horror stories

596
00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:46.760
because we're going to want to get to the roots of those because we're going to want

597
00:44:46.760 --> 00:44:48.400
to untangle those lies.

598
00:44:49.400 --> 00:44:50.040
Okay.

599
00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:54.000
Cause that's just trauma that's now created a counterfeit.

600
00:44:55.040 --> 00:44:57.760
And so now we get to work together in community.

601
00:44:57.760 --> 00:44:59.960
Cause here's the thing is many.

602
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.640
of us when we start bringing that stuff up, so many of the women in this

603
00:45:04.640 --> 00:45:07.720
community are going to relate to probably a lot of the things that you've

604
00:45:07.720 --> 00:45:14.840
experienced. And your growth is going to help someone else grow. Okay. And so I

605
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:18.400
don't want you to feel like you have to get closed off. I've noticed a lot of

606
00:45:18.400 --> 00:45:22.640
vulnerability in you already this week. And so I want to continue to encourage

607
00:45:22.640 --> 00:45:29.200
that. And so if you stay on that track, like girl, you're, you'll be fine. You'll

608
00:45:29.200 --> 00:45:35.600
be fine. And last year, single fair to not want to, to be a pen pal. I mean, is

609
00:45:35.600 --> 00:45:39.760
it fair? That was the next thing I was going to go. We actually coach you

610
00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:46.280
ladies. I don't want y'all pen pal and for more than a week. Oh, okay. It works

611
00:45:46.280 --> 00:45:53.480
for me. We're not here. Like we're here to get live dates or if they're long

612
00:45:53.480 --> 00:46:00.040
distance, the video call within a week. Okay. I want a real life human being.

613
00:46:00.520 --> 00:46:07.360
Okay. I'm not, cause here's the thing. You can't, you can't, um, you can't get

614
00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:13.800
to know somebody through a screen, like a texting. You're going to see facial

615
00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:16.920
expression. You're going to see eye contact. You're going to see tone of

616
00:46:16.920 --> 00:46:23.120
voice through either, you know, obviously in person. And if you can't get in

617
00:46:23.120 --> 00:46:29.800
person, you're going to see how they're engaging with you on video. And if it

618
00:46:29.800 --> 00:46:34.640
is long distance, we even encourage no more than six weeks until you're

619
00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:40.840
meeting that person in person. Okay. Like we say three to six weeks, like what

620
00:46:40.840 --> 00:46:47.080
are like, those will have some things too. And so as you ladies, um, get into

621
00:46:47.080 --> 00:46:51.280
those, you know, those situations, you can bring those questions to us and

622
00:46:51.280 --> 00:46:59.200
we'll coach you through that. So, um, I love what you have put in place, but

623
00:46:59.200 --> 00:47:05.000
what I am going to caution you and what I'm going to just not be so aggressive

624
00:47:05.000 --> 00:47:10.000
about it. We're going to, we're going to start uncovering some of the, um, the

625
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:14.480
offenses, that hardness that's been created. We're going to get to the

626
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:18.200
bottom of that. And again, this doesn't have to be something that happens

627
00:47:18.200 --> 00:47:22.880
overnight. No, I'm not in a rush. I'm definitely not in a rush. I'm always

628
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:27.880
asking honest feedback. Yes. And this is where I don't want you to sugarcoat

629
00:47:27.880 --> 00:47:34.560
nothing. And God, this is God's timing. We allow God to reveal so he can heal.

630
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:38.840
Sometimes we're going to feel, feel, feel the feels to heal the feels. Okay.

631
00:47:38.840 --> 00:47:42.000
Sometimes we're going to just sit and process that. You'll hear Jackie say

632
00:47:42.000 --> 00:47:45.760
that all the time. Like, let's just process that. Let's unpack that. All

633
00:47:45.760 --> 00:47:50.400
right. We might need to sit with that for a minute. All right. Cause God might

634
00:47:50.400 --> 00:47:55.960
want us to sit with that and spend some time with him on that. And that time

635
00:47:55.960 --> 00:48:02.120
could be 24 hours. That time could be a week. That time could be a month. We

636
00:48:02.120 --> 00:48:06.560
don't know what that will look like, but we're going to trust God with that.

637
00:48:06.880 --> 00:48:11.520
And so that's, that, that is really, really important. So I love that you're

638
00:48:11.520 --> 00:48:16.880
bringing these questions up. And so, um, you definitely are on the right track.

639
00:48:16.880 --> 00:48:21.040
So thank you. And thank you for your feedback. You're going to have a lot of

640
00:48:21.040 --> 00:48:26.080
questions for me. I'm in this to grow. So, you know, if you see me on the

641
00:48:26.080 --> 00:48:33.920
community a lot, girl, keep it coming. Cause when they see you sharing, I do

642
00:48:33.920 --> 00:48:39.640
believe it encourages other ladies to also step out, um, and get vulnerable

643
00:48:39.640 --> 00:48:41.920
and come and share. So that's what I was saying. Like, even when you're

644
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:45.000
like, Oh, I'm not going to share everything. Cause there's a lot of

645
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:50.760
negativity. We'll, we'll help keep that negativity in check for you. Okay. We're

646
00:48:50.760 --> 00:48:55.520
going to help you recognize where that is. And we're going to help. We'll help

647
00:48:55.520 --> 00:48:56.160
you with that.

648
00:48:56.480 --> 00:49:00.880
I'm not, I just don't want to, you know, have, uh, to, to have the ladies

649
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:06.160
thinking that online dating is a horror cause it has been a horror for me and

650
00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:10.200
I'm working through that. I am real. I don't mind dating. I just don't get to

651
00:49:10.200 --> 00:49:15.680
meet a lot of men and I'm not, I'm not afraid of men. I talk to men, but most

652
00:49:15.680 --> 00:49:17.480
of them are married, you know, to normal.

653
00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:21.840
Well, and I think you, and correct me if I'm wrong. Did you, were you the one

654
00:49:21.840 --> 00:49:26.600
that also were asking about the Christian dating sites? Yes. Yes. Did you

655
00:49:26.600 --> 00:49:28.080
get to see my response to that?

656
00:49:28.200 --> 00:49:29.040
Um, not yet.

657
00:49:29.400 --> 00:49:35.400
Okay. So look at that because I challenged you on that one. You know,

658
00:49:35.400 --> 00:49:41.320
that I saw when I told you I will never ever. And so you wanted to know about

659
00:49:41.320 --> 00:49:46.240
more Christian? Yeah. And I'm like, no. Yeah. It's like, well, give me

660
00:49:46.240 --> 00:49:50.400
something else. I encourage you to listen to supernatural Saturday from last week.

661
00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:54.880
I don't know if you got to hear that just because it didn't work before.

662
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:58.280
Does it mean that it, yeah, I was on there. I think I probably answered on

663
00:49:58.280 --> 00:49:59.720
there too. It probably was me.

664
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.720
was in the chat that said that.

665
00:50:01.720 --> 00:50:03.120
Yeah, Christian Mingus.

666
00:50:03.120 --> 00:50:05.440
And now I try not to talk about it too much

667
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:08.180
because I know that people have had success with it

668
00:50:08.180 --> 00:50:10.120
and I don't want to turn people off.

669
00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:14.680
So I do try to keep my negativity at bay.

670
00:50:14.680 --> 00:50:16.560
But certain things like what I just asked you,

671
00:50:16.560 --> 00:50:20.000
I really need to know if my boundary was too much

672
00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:21.160
or not enough.

673
00:50:21.160 --> 00:50:24.720
But if I could tell you, I have stories that people,

674
00:50:24.720 --> 00:50:25.560
I can't even make up.

675
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:27.000
And so that might be something and like,

676
00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:30.440
and again, we'll give you feedback.

677
00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:34.200
And, but our, I mean, we'll give you insight of like,

678
00:50:34.200 --> 00:50:37.400
hey, what if God's prompting you

679
00:50:37.400 --> 00:50:39.160
to get back on Christian Mingle?

680
00:50:40.240 --> 00:50:42.480
Do you really think God would do that?

681
00:50:42.480 --> 00:50:45.240
But I'm talking about, I met everybody

682
00:50:45.240 --> 00:50:47.200
but a Christian on Christian Mingle.

683
00:50:47.200 --> 00:50:48.040
But that's the thing.

684
00:50:48.040 --> 00:50:50.280
But then you, yes.

685
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:51.640
And so that's why when you were asking,

686
00:50:51.640 --> 00:50:53.480
like, so when you go look at my response,

687
00:50:53.480 --> 00:50:54.960
you were asking about other Christian sites.

688
00:50:54.960 --> 00:50:58.240
And I was like, well, are we open to other sites

689
00:50:58.240 --> 00:51:00.880
that are not necessarily Christian?

690
00:51:00.880 --> 00:51:02.240
Because here's the thing.

691
00:51:02.240 --> 00:51:04.920
There can be non-Christians on Christian dating sites.

692
00:51:04.920 --> 00:51:05.760
And guess what?

693
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:08.640
There's Christians on non-Christian dating sites.

694
00:51:08.640 --> 00:51:09.880
It's just crazy.

695
00:51:09.880 --> 00:51:11.120
Scam.

696
00:51:11.120 --> 00:51:12.240
Penis pictures.

697
00:51:12.240 --> 00:51:13.840
It's ridiculous.

698
00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:15.000
It is ridiculous.

699
00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:16.240
This is the community.

700
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:19.200
And this is the phase where myself and Ebony

701
00:51:19.200 --> 00:51:22.880
are gonna walk you through like what that,

702
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:24.160
what dating looks like,

703
00:51:24.160 --> 00:51:26.640
what dating can look like differently

704
00:51:26.640 --> 00:51:28.560
now that you've got some heartwork

705
00:51:28.560 --> 00:51:32.120
and what that actually looks like when we stop

706
00:51:32.120 --> 00:51:37.000
and we look at the lenses that we're looking at things.

707
00:51:37.000 --> 00:51:40.360
We're looking at the trauma that we might have

708
00:51:40.360 --> 00:51:43.160
been operating in and those counterfeit identities.

709
00:51:43.160 --> 00:51:46.320
And we start taking those things to the Lord.

710
00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:47.880
And we're like, okay, Lord,

711
00:51:47.880 --> 00:51:50.360
you're gonna do some healing and growing in me.

712
00:51:50.360 --> 00:51:55.360
And there will be times that He's gonna stretch you.

713
00:51:55.920 --> 00:51:57.560
He's gonna make you do things that you're like,

714
00:51:57.560 --> 00:51:58.760
I don't wanna do that.

715
00:51:58.760 --> 00:52:00.080
Absolutely not.

716
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:02.920
Like that was a lot of my story.

717
00:52:02.920 --> 00:52:03.880
That's definitely one of them.

718
00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:05.120
That'll be a stretch.

719
00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:06.960
Somebody mentioned Christian mingling, I cringe.

720
00:52:06.960 --> 00:52:08.760
There's a gentleness that comes with that.

721
00:52:08.760 --> 00:52:10.240
There'll be a gentleness that comes with that.

722
00:52:10.240 --> 00:52:12.760
And you're not doing it alone.

723
00:52:12.760 --> 00:52:14.600
We'll walk you through that.

724
00:52:14.600 --> 00:52:17.920
Like we're here to kind of help keep you,

725
00:52:18.800 --> 00:52:21.840
like, look, if you need to take a pause, you take a pause.

726
00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:26.200
There's no, like what we say here is there's no rules.

727
00:52:26.200 --> 00:52:27.440
There's just guardrails.

728
00:52:28.680 --> 00:52:30.600
Like everybody's on their own journey.

729
00:52:31.960 --> 00:52:34.360
Everybody hears from Holy Spirit.

730
00:52:35.200 --> 00:52:38.760
And we want you ladies to follow peace and discernment.

731
00:52:38.760 --> 00:52:41.400
And so that's what we walk you through.

732
00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:45.240
Gathering information, asking those types of questions,

733
00:52:45.520 --> 00:52:48.520
like asking those good questions of,

734
00:52:50.200 --> 00:52:52.240
is this a heart wound?

735
00:52:52.240 --> 00:52:54.360
Is this something you're trying to reveal in me, Lord?

736
00:52:54.360 --> 00:52:56.080
Or, yeah.

737
00:52:56.080 --> 00:52:57.440
And so that's what we're here for.

738
00:52:57.440 --> 00:53:00.760
And so the more you come with the honesty

739
00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:02.920
and the vulnerability, I mean,

740
00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:05.480
and any of these ladies are gonna tell you in here,

741
00:53:06.600 --> 00:53:08.520
those are the ladies that we do.

742
00:53:08.520 --> 00:53:13.200
We see tremendous acceleration, tremendous growth,

743
00:53:13.200 --> 00:53:14.840
tremendous success.

744
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:19.560
And so, girl, you're on the right track.

745
00:53:19.560 --> 00:53:21.240
I'm excited for you,

746
00:53:21.240 --> 00:53:24.240
because this is a part of my job that I love,

747
00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:25.080
because I get to see-

748
00:53:25.080 --> 00:53:27.800
I'm not like online dating at all.

749
00:53:27.800 --> 00:53:29.160
That right there is a stretch.

750
00:53:29.160 --> 00:53:32.880
I mean, I know Jackie promotes community.

751
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:34.440
I'm in her book club as well.

752
00:53:34.440 --> 00:53:36.120
I just started that this week.

753
00:53:36.120 --> 00:53:38.720
But I know she promotes community,

754
00:53:38.720 --> 00:53:41.400
but right now I just, I've been in Jersey eight years.

755
00:53:41.400 --> 00:53:43.880
I'm not from Jersey, I'm from New York.

756
00:53:43.880 --> 00:53:46.760
And, you know, I don't really have a big community.

757
00:53:46.760 --> 00:53:49.440
I'm back in church, you know.

758
00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:50.920
I'm gonna go to church regular

759
00:53:50.920 --> 00:53:53.200
and get involved in some groups and stuff.

760
00:53:53.200 --> 00:53:55.640
But right now y'all are my community.

761
00:53:55.640 --> 00:54:00.320
So I only have to ask advice from you all.

762
00:54:00.320 --> 00:54:01.160
So that's why-

763
00:54:01.160 --> 00:54:02.320
Well, and I love that too.

764
00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:04.480
And you're bringing up a good point

765
00:54:04.480 --> 00:54:06.600
that I wanna touch on for all you ladies.

766
00:54:06.600 --> 00:54:08.320
I think this is a really good teachable moment

767
00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:10.440
for all of you is,

768
00:54:10.440 --> 00:54:11.960
cause this is something I even recognize,

769
00:54:11.960 --> 00:54:14.240
I think in a few people's posts this week is,

770
00:54:15.240 --> 00:54:19.120
be careful when y'all are dating

771
00:54:19.120 --> 00:54:20.560
who you're going to,

772
00:54:20.560 --> 00:54:24.480
like who you are going and talking about your dates to.

773
00:54:24.480 --> 00:54:25.480
Okay?

774
00:54:25.480 --> 00:54:27.320
Because it is really easy

775
00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:30.080
that we could start talking to our girlfriends

776
00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:32.440
that are not in this community.

777
00:54:32.440 --> 00:54:33.280
They need to be-

778
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:34.240
That have a different viewpoint.

779
00:54:34.240 --> 00:54:37.360
And before we know it, it's like,

780
00:54:38.120 --> 00:54:41.160
it's the lenses that they're looking at it through.

781
00:54:41.160 --> 00:54:42.840
And so that like,

782
00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:47.400
I love that you're already got the open heart of like,

783
00:54:47.400 --> 00:54:49.120
this is my community.

784
00:54:49.120 --> 00:54:53.400
This is who I'm going to with the dating

785
00:54:53.400 --> 00:54:56.040
because y'all were like,

786
00:54:56.040 --> 00:54:59.960
we're all here for that same purpose.

787
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.080
Okay, and many of us coaches like most of the coaches I think now

788
00:55:05.080 --> 00:55:09.840
I think we even just had one of our coaches from phase one. She just got married

789
00:55:10.480 --> 00:55:16.440
So a lot of us coaches like we've we've been we've been students and we now are success stories

790
00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:19.040
and then there's still a couple ladies that are

791
00:55:20.040 --> 00:55:27.020
Students and they're they're in the middle of dating and they haven't you know found their spirit mates yet, but they've been here working

792
00:55:28.020 --> 00:55:32.940
These principles and these foundations and the things that Jackie's taught for a number of years that

793
00:55:33.900 --> 00:55:37.020
They they're they're successful with it. So

794
00:55:39.060 --> 00:55:45.140
We we all have that same like Jackie language like we were all experiencing that together

795
00:55:45.140 --> 00:55:49.100
And so we're here to kind of keep you in that lane because we know

796
00:55:49.700 --> 00:55:52.980
We know how easy it is to be influenced

797
00:55:53.500 --> 00:55:55.500
by the world and

798
00:55:55.780 --> 00:56:01.460
I mean, it's like do I want to date like the world or do you want to date like the kingdom?

799
00:56:02.940 --> 00:56:07.140
Is that I wanted a kingdom marriage? I want a kingdom marriage. I don't want a worldly marriage

800
00:56:07.820 --> 00:56:09.820
So why am I gonna go do things?

801
00:56:10.100 --> 00:56:12.700
The way the world tells me I need to do it

802
00:56:12.820 --> 00:56:17.740
So yeah, it's gonna look a little different and that's the thing is when we go to our friends even if they're Christians

803
00:56:19.580 --> 00:56:21.580
If they're

804
00:56:22.580 --> 00:56:29.100
Not the world's way of doing it. Well, you're right it is the world's but why would I want to do it the world's way?

805
00:56:31.380 --> 00:56:39.060
I'm set apart. I want to God's children. I'm set apart. So we should be doing it differently than the world

806
00:56:40.460 --> 00:56:42.020
Okay

807
00:56:42.020 --> 00:56:47.060
Thank you so much. I'm sorry. I took up anybody else's. Oh, no, this is good. I love this

808
00:56:47.060 --> 00:56:52.100
I like this because then it opens it allows Holy Spirit to come in and say, okay

809
00:56:52.620 --> 00:56:58.780
What can we teach from it's it's to me. This is this is the best part of the teaching process

810
00:56:58.980 --> 00:57:01.540
That's why I love it when you ladies ask ask your questions

811
00:57:02.060 --> 00:57:05.340
Let's just continue to go with that. Um, we're just gonna roll

812
00:57:05.980 --> 00:57:08.200
What are the questions I got got ladies?

813
00:57:09.220 --> 00:57:11.720
Give me your questions. We got 30 minutes

814
00:57:14.860 --> 00:57:16.860
Come on

815
00:57:17.620 --> 00:57:19.620
Give me your questions. I

816
00:57:20.220 --> 00:57:22.980
See lots of ladies on here that I have seen

817
00:57:24.500 --> 00:57:32.420
Your post in the app this week. I know Catherine she had an update for her date

818
00:57:33.740 --> 00:57:35.820
So that was good. I

819
00:57:36.460 --> 00:57:41.860
Think there's Caitlyn was on here and I think Caitlyn you're pretty this is like your first couple

820
00:57:41.980 --> 00:57:46.420
Is this like your first week or two? I've seen you post. I know Steph

821
00:57:47.180 --> 00:57:49.180
you had a

822
00:57:49.220 --> 00:57:53.300
Post last week. I responded. I don't know if you've responded back to me

823
00:57:54.340 --> 00:57:58.160
I know Kelly she's got her a see

824
00:57:59.500 --> 00:58:01.500
Thing is coming up here

825
00:58:02.300 --> 00:58:04.300
Thursday to our two days from now

826
00:58:07.100 --> 00:58:11.660
Laura I know you just touched base. I think was a week or two ago with Wade

827
00:58:12.740 --> 00:58:14.740
You've been doing some growing there

828
00:58:17.380 --> 00:58:19.380
You

829
00:58:19.460 --> 00:58:22.740
Come on oh, no Caitlyn you've been here for a minute. I've seen your face

830
00:58:22.940 --> 00:58:26.460
see it's when I see y'all's faces and y'all on that app like

831
00:58:27.380 --> 00:58:31.400
The one thing I've heard me. It's so tiny. I can never see y'all's face

832
00:58:32.460 --> 00:58:37.980
Like I'll see your names, but I'm like, I don't like I wish there was a way that I could

833
00:58:40.660 --> 00:58:42.660
Like I do

834
00:58:42.820 --> 00:58:49.140
Enjoy lots of things on our app. It is nice. Like we used to always have everything on Facebook

835
00:58:50.460 --> 00:58:52.460
that just got

836
00:58:52.900 --> 00:58:54.740
hectic because

837
00:58:54.740 --> 00:59:00.860
It interferes like with the personal stuff, you know, and when like for me

838
00:59:00.860 --> 00:59:02.540
It's like when it's my work

839
00:59:02.540 --> 00:59:09.300
It's hard. It's hard to separate and so I like the app for the fact that like when I'm in the app

840
00:59:09.300 --> 00:59:12.860
I'm working. I'm not right. I'm not distracted

841
00:59:14.140 --> 00:59:21.100
but like the photos and being able to post many different photos in a post and and

842
00:59:21.300 --> 00:59:25.300
things of that nature some of the notifications things things like that, but

843
00:59:26.140 --> 00:59:30.060
But yes, you've been here for a minute. I know. So do you have a question for me?

844
00:59:30.500 --> 00:59:35.820
Well, sure since you commented on my post it was about kind of keeping myself

845
00:59:36.820 --> 00:59:44.220
In check, so this has been really helpful about the the boundaries. I'll give you an example of

846
00:59:44.940 --> 00:59:49.020
I went on a first date last week and I

847
00:59:49.820 --> 00:59:57.100
Enjoyed it. I was actually surprised at how much I enjoyed it. And yeah, I think it was it was yeah

848
00:59:57.340 --> 01:00:00.100
Something that I would want to see him again

849
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.480
again. But throughout the conversation, he was talking a lot about his mom and his sisters

850
01:00:07.480 --> 01:00:15.280
and family is important to me. So I liked that. However, I found myself going into like,

851
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:23.960
oh, what if that responsibility, he said his dad had passed away young. So he was like

852
01:00:23.960 --> 01:00:31.800
the one who was taking care of his mom and sisters and my best friend's husband has kind

853
01:00:31.800 --> 01:00:39.000
of a similar dynamic with her mother-in-law, where her husband hasn't really supported

854
01:00:39.000 --> 01:00:45.320
her as a wife and continues to prioritize the mother-in-law. So I was realizing that

855
01:00:45.320 --> 01:00:50.920
in me of like, ah, okay, this is, this is coming up. And I don't want to be jumping

856
01:00:50.920 --> 01:01:01.360
like way forward to mother. So you're recognizing that, right? Cause what is, what are you jumping

857
01:01:01.360 --> 01:01:10.040
into? Whose responsibility are you jumping into right now? Um, his, his, who else's God's

858
01:01:10.040 --> 01:01:16.120
odds too, right? That's a little bit of both. Like, you know, now what is your responsibility

859
01:01:16.120 --> 01:01:26.880
in that with the level that you're in? What are you asking more questions? Yeah. Yeah.

860
01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:31.920
You can get curious, you know, like you had a first date. Okay. You're recognizing he's

861
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:39.120
sharing all of this. This is it's information. You get to hold onto that information. What's

862
01:01:39.120 --> 01:01:44.520
not your responsibility is to draw conclusions from that information. Okay. You get to have

863
01:01:44.520 --> 01:01:51.880
curiosity about that information. That's your responsibility. Okay. Curious questions.

864
01:01:51.880 --> 01:01:56.440
You get to listen for more things. Okay. And so as you're getting to know him, if he brings

865
01:01:56.440 --> 01:02:04.560
that up again, you can be like, so what's that look like? Like, how do you manage your

866
01:02:04.560 --> 01:02:08.880
time with your, with your friendships or how do you manage dating when you have some of

867
01:02:08.880 --> 01:02:13.480
these extra responsibilities that maybe some other people don't have? Okay. What's that

868
01:02:13.480 --> 01:02:20.520
look like? Yeah. You know, have you, have you ever considered what that would look like?

869
01:02:20.520 --> 01:02:27.200
Um, in, in, uh, a more serious relationship, like that could be a question. Like if you

870
01:02:27.200 --> 01:02:32.080
know, you're on date three, four, and you kind of see this potentially moving somewhere

871
01:02:32.080 --> 01:02:37.440
that then you get to kind of unlayer those things. You get to peel that part of that

872
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:43.120
onion. Does that make sense? Okay. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Your, your responsibility is curiosity

873
01:02:43.120 --> 01:02:53.480
and gathering information. Okay. His responsibility is, is managing his time and what that looks

874
01:02:53.480 --> 01:03:04.360
like. And then God's responsibility is giving you the time to have that unfold. Okay. Yep.

875
01:03:04.360 --> 01:03:10.920
Yep. So I said that I was, that's really helpful, Carla. Thank you. And I, um, you know, we,

876
01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:17.200
we kind of went for a meal and for a walk and, and my thought, I said, I'll plan the

877
01:03:17.200 --> 01:03:24.240
next date. He was keen and I'm looking to do something fun, um, to get away from just

878
01:03:24.240 --> 01:03:29.980
sitting across and talking to each other. So I think as a second date, that's a way

879
01:03:29.980 --> 01:03:34.920
to see some different ways. I love that. And then, and that, you know, that just reminds

880
01:03:34.920 --> 01:03:41.560
me of those activity dates, like those active dates. So ladies, just remember if you haven't

881
01:03:41.560 --> 01:03:45.640
heard of, heard of that, you're brand new to that, you know, make those, make those

882
01:03:45.640 --> 01:03:52.240
like first one or two dates, like be active. Okay. Okay. You know, I get, sometimes it's

883
01:03:52.240 --> 01:03:56.480
like the coffee date is, is a simple thing, but sometimes if you're in a coffee date,

884
01:03:56.480 --> 01:04:02.960
sometimes you can kind of deep dive or, um, kind of get into some trauma bonding where

885
01:04:02.960 --> 01:04:07.880
you're starting to talk about exes and past relationships. And, you know, sometimes having

886
01:04:07.880 --> 01:04:12.080
an active date keeps your mind off of that. Cause you're actually having to do something

887
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:21.080
right. So that, that is good. Um, and I just actually pulled up your, your post. So I'm

888
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:29.240
going to even just go back and refresh my memory of what I shared. Um, yeah, it was

889
01:04:29.960 --> 01:04:35.760
like, yeah, like those future thinking thoughts and like what that looks like, you know, you

890
01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:41.600
start imagining what that, like what a future looks like together. And that's so easy for

891
01:04:41.600 --> 01:04:48.880
us to like, want to go there, but it's really important for us to be like, okay, I'm rushing

892
01:04:48.880 --> 01:04:56.600
ahead and I have time and I can stay curious. And so, and you've handled that very, very

893
01:04:56.600 --> 01:04:59.000
well too. Um,

894
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.720
And then, so that was good.

895
01:05:01.720 --> 01:05:02.560
Awesome.

896
01:05:02.560 --> 01:05:03.380
Well, thank you.

897
01:05:03.380 --> 01:05:04.220
Super helpful.

898
01:05:04.220 --> 01:05:05.040
Thank you.

899
01:05:05.040 --> 01:05:05.960
I'll keep you posted.

900
01:05:05.960 --> 01:05:07.040
Perfect.

901
01:05:07.040 --> 01:05:09.600
Catherine, hey.

902
01:05:11.160 --> 01:05:12.560
Hey.

903
01:05:12.560 --> 01:05:14.520
You got an update for me?

904
01:05:14.520 --> 01:05:17.840
Yeah, so I read the, yeah, I read the reply.

905
01:05:17.840 --> 01:05:19.480
So thank you for that.

906
01:05:19.480 --> 01:05:21.520
Okay, I'm gonna, I'm going back here now too

907
01:05:21.520 --> 01:05:23.160
to your posts too.

908
01:05:23.160 --> 01:05:24.200
So, but keep going.

909
01:05:24.200 --> 01:05:27.720
I'm gonna, I think you're scrolling for it.

910
01:05:27.720 --> 01:05:31.280
Yeah, so I've kind of been feeling like

911
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:33.840
we've been dating for two months now.

912
01:05:33.840 --> 01:05:34.680
And so-

913
01:05:34.680 --> 01:05:36.280
And he's long distance though, right?

914
01:05:36.280 --> 01:05:39.200
Yeah, I've been feeling like

915
01:05:40.120 --> 01:05:43.400
maybe I should soon decide something.

916
01:05:43.400 --> 01:05:44.240
Okay.

917
01:05:45.080 --> 01:05:49.720
And I don't know.

918
01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:53.560
It's just like, sometimes it's so exhausting

919
01:05:53.560 --> 01:05:58.080
with him needing to do things a special way.

920
01:05:58.080 --> 01:06:02.640
And when I was at church on Sunday,

921
01:06:02.640 --> 01:06:07.640
I just had this thought that I should decide,

922
01:06:10.240 --> 01:06:12.200
a little bit for him as well,

923
01:06:12.200 --> 01:06:15.200
not to just go in it so long,

924
01:06:15.200 --> 01:06:20.120
but I'm kind of leaning towards breaking it off.

925
01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:21.960
Okay.

926
01:06:21.960 --> 01:06:24.400
But I haven't decided yet

927
01:06:24.400 --> 01:06:27.440
and I'm still in it while I'm in it, you know?

928
01:06:27.440 --> 01:06:32.440
But yeah, and so when you wrote like,

929
01:06:34.520 --> 01:06:35.360
don't rush it,

930
01:06:35.360 --> 01:06:39.360
I don't really feel like I'm rushing it, but yeah.

931
01:06:40.560 --> 01:06:41.760
Yeah, no, and that's good too.

932
01:06:41.760 --> 01:06:44.040
Cause, and I think someone else

933
01:06:44.040 --> 01:06:46.160
even kind of posted something as,

934
01:06:46.680 --> 01:06:49.440
it's funny cause now I'm like,

935
01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:52.880
everybody's posts kind of merged together.

936
01:06:52.880 --> 01:06:54.840
I don't think you're the only one

937
01:06:56.000 --> 01:07:00.360
that brought this up of this needing to make a decision.

938
01:07:00.360 --> 01:07:02.360
Is there anybody else that sometimes feels like

939
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:03.360
after a few dates,

940
01:07:03.360 --> 01:07:05.840
like you feel like you have to make a decision

941
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:08.040
and it's like, do I continue?

942
01:07:08.040 --> 01:07:10.200
It's that, is it a yes until to no?

943
01:07:11.080 --> 01:07:15.080
Anybody else in that boat with Catherine right now?

944
01:07:15.120 --> 01:07:17.920
Like, I don't know.

945
01:07:17.920 --> 01:07:19.640
I know it's a yes until it's a no,

946
01:07:19.640 --> 01:07:22.080
but how do I know it's a no?

947
01:07:22.080 --> 01:07:24.000
I feel like I have to make a decision.

948
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:25.920
There's really no no yet,

949
01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:30.920
but I don't even feel like it's a full yes yet.

950
01:07:34.120 --> 01:07:36.600
And someone else I think put that up

951
01:07:36.600 --> 01:07:39.760
and I don't, cause I don't think it was my response.

952
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:42.200
It might've been, I don't think it was.

953
01:07:45.320 --> 01:07:49.280
That here ladies in last and in phase two

954
01:07:49.280 --> 01:07:50.960
and last year single,

955
01:07:51.960 --> 01:07:54.600
we actually encourage the men

956
01:07:56.040 --> 01:07:58.720
to lead the exclusivity conversation.

957
01:07:59.640 --> 01:08:02.960
So if the men are not leading that conversation

958
01:08:02.960 --> 01:08:05.880
and asking for exclusivity,

959
01:08:05.880 --> 01:08:08.400
you kind of have a little bit more freedom.

960
01:08:08.400 --> 01:08:10.320
You don't have to make a decision right away

961
01:08:10.320 --> 01:08:12.720
cause they're not asking for a decision.

962
01:08:12.720 --> 01:08:16.800
They're not asking for exclusivity, okay?

963
01:08:16.800 --> 01:08:19.319
You get to still spend time with the Lord

964
01:08:19.319 --> 01:08:21.880
of like, okay, Lord, I need some clarity.

965
01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:23.720
I need these things, you know,

966
01:08:23.720 --> 01:08:26.439
I'm gonna ask for some more specific things.

967
01:08:26.439 --> 01:08:28.200
I'm gonna go to him in prayer

968
01:08:28.200 --> 01:08:30.520
about what is it that I'm recognizing?

969
01:08:30.520 --> 01:08:32.920
Not just recognizing in that person,

970
01:08:32.920 --> 01:08:35.200
but what am I recognizing in here?

971
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:38.359
And so that was in my response to Catherine as well

972
01:08:38.359 --> 01:08:42.000
is what are some things that you're recognizing

973
01:08:42.000 --> 01:08:47.000
that's surfacing, that tension of, you know,

974
01:08:47.279 --> 01:08:51.680
you're having to do a lot of reminding him of things.

975
01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:52.520
Yeah.

976
01:08:52.520 --> 01:08:53.880
Right?

977
01:08:53.880 --> 01:08:54.720
Yeah.

978
01:08:54.720 --> 01:08:55.560
And I think, did I share,

979
01:08:56.920 --> 01:09:00.040
did I share my own personal story in that one?

980
01:09:00.040 --> 01:09:00.880
I don't know if I did.

981
01:09:00.880 --> 01:09:02.720
I think there was somebody else.

982
01:09:02.720 --> 01:09:04.720
I think, did I share that?

983
01:09:06.640 --> 01:09:10.960
I think it's not because I have to make a decision to him.

984
01:09:10.960 --> 01:09:14.680
It's more like, I wanna know for my own sake.

985
01:09:14.680 --> 01:09:15.520
Okay.

986
01:09:15.520 --> 01:09:20.520
And we are kind of exclusive and we're not together,

987
01:09:20.760 --> 01:09:25.760
but he has already told me that he's in love with me, so.

988
01:09:25.960 --> 01:09:29.439
Okay, so he is kind of like directing that.

989
01:09:29.439 --> 01:09:33.439
So in his mind, he is kind of there.

990
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:34.279
Yeah.

991
01:09:34.279 --> 01:09:37.240
So have you communicated with him?

992
01:09:37.240 --> 01:09:39.279
I still need some time.

993
01:09:39.920 --> 01:09:42.279
I want to take this a little slower.

994
01:09:44.520 --> 01:09:47.560
I have said that, you know,

995
01:09:47.560 --> 01:09:51.160
the entire time I've said that I want to take it slower

996
01:09:51.160 --> 01:09:52.399
than him and stuff.

997
01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:54.760
And when he's-

998
01:09:54.760 --> 01:09:56.800
How is he responding to that?

999
01:09:59.480 --> 01:10:00.320
Do you feel like he's-

1000
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.120
respecting that?

1001
01:10:02.120 --> 01:10:04.080
Yeah, yeah, I do.

1002
01:10:04.080 --> 01:10:06.760
And when he told me that he was in love with me,

1003
01:10:06.760 --> 01:10:08.920
he said that, I want to tell you something,

1004
01:10:08.920 --> 01:10:12.440
and I think you're going to be shocked

1005
01:10:12.440 --> 01:10:13.760
or something like that.

1006
01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:16.080
And when he said that, I was like,

1007
01:10:16.080 --> 01:10:19.520
I don't know what to say to that, you know?

1008
01:10:19.520 --> 01:10:20.360
Yeah.

1009
01:10:20.360 --> 01:10:21.480
Yeah.

1010
01:10:21.480 --> 01:10:23.600
And so that could, and do you feel like

1011
01:10:23.600 --> 01:10:28.600
because he's kind of sharing more feelings for you,

1012
01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:30.880
that you feel like you got to catch up?

1013
01:10:32.320 --> 01:10:35.800
No, I feel like it's harder for me to say no.

1014
01:10:36.800 --> 01:10:40.200
Okay, so that's good to recognize too.

1015
01:10:40.200 --> 01:10:42.120
And so let's,

1016
01:10:43.960 --> 01:10:48.600
where do you feel like it's not quite a yes?

1017
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:51.120
Is it the?

1018
01:10:52.240 --> 01:10:55.680
It's the, he needs to have all the details.

1019
01:10:55.680 --> 01:10:56.520
Yeah.

1020
01:10:57.000 --> 01:11:00.480
And he's both being caught up in the details

1021
01:11:00.480 --> 01:11:05.480
and asking me questions like in between in the conversations.

1022
01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:10.240
And then the other day he had written this activity calendar

1023
01:11:10.240 --> 01:11:13.840
like he has written, like he writes that for himself

1024
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:17.200
to like remember it, but then he had written stuff

1025
01:11:17.200 --> 01:11:21.640
on my behalf and then he just shoot me a picture

1026
01:11:21.640 --> 01:11:25.840
and said like, can you just fill out the blank pages?

1027
01:11:25.840 --> 01:11:27.120
Cause I don't know everything.

1028
01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:29.280
And I'm like, can't do this.

1029
01:11:29.280 --> 01:11:31.720
I was thinking I can do this,

1030
01:11:31.720 --> 01:11:36.320
but then I replied with a voice message and said like,

1031
01:11:36.320 --> 01:11:37.920
I don't really understand this.

1032
01:11:37.920 --> 01:11:39.560
So if you have a question,

1033
01:11:39.560 --> 01:11:42.440
you can just ask me the question instead.

1034
01:11:42.440 --> 01:11:43.360
Okay.

1035
01:11:43.360 --> 01:11:47.440
But I just, it's too much.

1036
01:11:47.440 --> 01:11:49.320
So you've communicate,

1037
01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:51.840
and I think you've communicated to him

1038
01:11:51.840 --> 01:11:56.840
that that's not how you operate, correct?

1039
01:11:58.280 --> 01:11:59.120
Yeah.

1040
01:11:59.120 --> 01:12:01.800
But you're learning the information from him is

1041
01:12:01.800 --> 01:12:03.800
this is how he operates.

1042
01:12:03.800 --> 01:12:04.640
Yeah.

1043
01:12:08.480 --> 01:12:11.360
And so what it's,

1044
01:12:12.360 --> 01:12:13.480
do you feel like you,

1045
01:12:13.480 --> 01:12:17.840
the two of you have had some enough time to kind of,

1046
01:12:17.840 --> 01:12:20.920
to really say, okay,

1047
01:12:22.200 --> 01:12:25.040
I can respect that you need this.

1048
01:12:25.040 --> 01:12:28.400
This is what I can offer,

1049
01:12:29.320 --> 01:12:31.400
but this is what I'm going to ask of you.

1050
01:12:31.400 --> 01:12:33.720
Like kind of like a compromise.

1051
01:12:33.720 --> 01:12:35.720
Like, hey, I'm going to respect

1052
01:12:35.720 --> 01:12:37.080
that this is something that you need,

1053
01:12:37.080 --> 01:12:41.160
but then I'm going to ask that I also need this in return.

1054
01:12:41.160 --> 01:12:42.920
Like, I can't have all of this

1055
01:12:42.920 --> 01:12:46.360
because I'm not someone that has all the details.

1056
01:12:46.360 --> 01:12:49.040
Like that's a bit overwhelming for me.

1057
01:12:50.040 --> 01:12:53.440
And it's, and being able to communicate that

1058
01:12:53.440 --> 01:12:55.240
because now what you're,

1059
01:12:55.240 --> 01:12:57.880
what the two of you are getting into is

1060
01:12:57.880 --> 01:13:01.760
what it really does look like.

1061
01:13:01.760 --> 01:13:04.520
Like if this is how he operates

1062
01:13:04.520 --> 01:13:06.680
and you don't operate that way,

1063
01:13:06.680 --> 01:13:11.440
how are you going to start blending a life

1064
01:13:11.440 --> 01:13:13.960
or like getting to be on that page

1065
01:13:13.960 --> 01:13:17.800
and intertwining your lives together?

1066
01:13:18.040 --> 01:13:20.320
Because if you're, that just,

1067
01:13:20.320 --> 01:13:22.240
that way of operating doesn't work for you

1068
01:13:22.240 --> 01:13:24.280
and that, and then your way of operating

1069
01:13:24.280 --> 01:13:26.120
doesn't work for him,

1070
01:13:26.120 --> 01:13:28.800
there's always, there could be that tension

1071
01:13:28.800 --> 01:13:33.800
if there's no room for like compromise there.

1072
01:13:35.120 --> 01:13:38.240
So have you two been able to discuss

1073
01:13:38.240 --> 01:13:43.240
like what are the non-negotiables of what each of you need

1074
01:13:43.800 --> 01:13:47.160
and what each person's willing to let go of?

1075
01:13:48.800 --> 01:13:50.880
No, we haven't talked about that.

1076
01:13:50.880 --> 01:13:53.440
So that might be a conversation

1077
01:13:53.440 --> 01:13:57.280
that might help you get more information

1078
01:13:57.280 --> 01:14:02.280
of the reality of how much of this

1079
01:14:03.360 --> 01:14:06.080
is a non-negotiable for him?

1080
01:14:06.080 --> 01:14:10.040
Because didn't you tell me he does have some,

1081
01:14:10.040 --> 01:14:11.800
is it like a neurodivergent,

1082
01:14:11.800 --> 01:14:14.880
like there are certain things that he really,

1083
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:17.400
like it's just how he processes?

1084
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:19.280
And he has autism.

1085
01:14:19.280 --> 01:14:21.280
Yeah, so there are,

1086
01:14:21.280 --> 01:14:24.640
like that's just how he processes information.

1087
01:14:24.640 --> 01:14:27.800
And so that's maybe not something

1088
01:14:27.800 --> 01:14:29.800
that he's gonna be able to change.

1089
01:14:31.200 --> 01:14:35.800
And so is it something that you can adapt to

1090
01:14:36.960 --> 01:14:41.960
or look in real, like and go search,

1091
01:14:42.320 --> 01:14:44.000
you know, like, okay, Lord, what is it

1092
01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:47.960
that's coming up in me and surfacing in me?

1093
01:14:47.960 --> 01:14:51.240
What about this makes me uncomfortable?

1094
01:14:52.880 --> 01:14:56.420
Is there anything that is surfacing?

1095
01:14:57.360 --> 01:15:00.080
Cause I think, for example.

1096
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.680
when you talked about the making dinner, right?

1097
01:15:04.680 --> 01:15:05.520
Yeah.

1098
01:15:05.520 --> 01:15:10.280
And I asked you, okay, y'all were making dinner together,

1099
01:15:10.280 --> 01:15:12.400
which I love that.

1100
01:15:12.400 --> 01:15:15.520
Like you get to see like those type of,

1101
01:15:15.520 --> 01:15:16.960
cause you guys have been, you know,

1102
01:15:16.960 --> 01:15:19.400
getting together for more than, you know, a couple months.

1103
01:15:19.400 --> 01:15:22.920
So I, you know, ladies, I wouldn't say

1104
01:15:22.920 --> 01:15:24.720
go to some each other's house and make dinner

1105
01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:27.960
on like date one and two and maybe three, you know,

1106
01:15:27.960 --> 01:15:31.240
but you know, they've, they're long distance

1107
01:15:31.240 --> 01:15:33.000
and they've really been spending some time

1108
01:15:33.000 --> 01:15:34.480
getting to know each other.

1109
01:15:34.480 --> 01:15:39.240
So I love that they're starting to do things

1110
01:15:39.240 --> 01:15:41.920
that they would normally do in real life

1111
01:15:41.920 --> 01:15:43.600
and seeing how that would show up,

1112
01:15:43.600 --> 01:15:46.600
like how they handle conflict,

1113
01:15:46.600 --> 01:15:49.600
how they interact with one another.

1114
01:15:49.600 --> 01:15:51.840
And so they were making a meal together

1115
01:15:52.800 --> 01:15:57.800
and he spilled something and had to clean it up

1116
01:15:57.880 --> 01:16:00.400
but then he like forgot what he was doing.

1117
01:16:00.400 --> 01:16:01.240
And she was like-

1118
01:16:01.240 --> 01:16:02.640
She was like standing there and like,

1119
01:16:02.640 --> 01:16:05.520
and I was like, well, are you going to get back

1120
01:16:05.520 --> 01:16:06.360
to making dinner?

1121
01:16:06.360 --> 01:16:09.480
And he was like, oh, okay.

1122
01:16:09.480 --> 01:16:10.320
Yes.

1123
01:16:10.320 --> 01:16:13.080
And so, and that would get right,

1124
01:16:13.080 --> 01:16:15.200
like when you were, when I was reading that,

1125
01:16:15.200 --> 01:16:19.480
I'm like, I can understand the frustration

1126
01:16:19.480 --> 01:16:23.760
because in my family, that's how I feel about chores

1127
01:16:23.760 --> 01:16:25.440
and things that need to get done around the house.

1128
01:16:25.480 --> 01:16:27.840
And I'm like, I constantly feel like

1129
01:16:27.840 --> 01:16:29.120
I carry the mental load

1130
01:16:29.120 --> 01:16:31.280
and the reminders of all the things.

1131
01:16:31.280 --> 01:16:34.080
And I'm like, I get that.

1132
01:16:34.080 --> 01:16:36.840
I, if I was getting to know somebody

1133
01:16:36.840 --> 01:16:40.360
and I felt like I constantly had to remind them of like,

1134
01:16:40.360 --> 01:16:42.320
hey, did you forget you're doing this?

1135
01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:45.040
That would be too much for me.

1136
01:16:45.920 --> 01:16:49.200
And I would need to navigate that

1137
01:16:49.200 --> 01:16:52.680
and see if we could come up with some solutions

1138
01:16:52.680 --> 01:16:55.440
to where that didn't feel so heavy

1139
01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:57.600
and see if, you know, is this,

1140
01:16:57.600 --> 01:16:59.520
is this something that we can work through

1141
01:16:59.520 --> 01:17:04.520
and, you know, learn to have our own,

1142
01:17:04.560 --> 01:17:06.360
you know, have boundaries with?

1143
01:17:06.360 --> 01:17:09.000
And so that was why I was asking,

1144
01:17:09.000 --> 01:17:12.120
was that particular meal,

1145
01:17:12.120 --> 01:17:15.840
was it something that you knew how to make and he didn't?

1146
01:17:16.920 --> 01:17:19.400
Is it possible that if he knew,

1147
01:17:19.400 --> 01:17:21.600
if he chose the meal and it was something

1148
01:17:21.600 --> 01:17:23.560
that he knew how to make,

1149
01:17:23.560 --> 01:17:28.280
would he have forgotten and needed more direction with?

1150
01:17:29.160 --> 01:17:30.000
Do you know?

1151
01:17:30.000 --> 01:17:34.200
It was a meal that he said that he was really good at.

1152
01:17:34.200 --> 01:17:35.200
Okay.

1153
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:39.640
So it could, it sounds like it's more of,

1154
01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:44.000
hey, I'm just not someone who's,

1155
01:17:45.520 --> 01:17:47.640
it sounds like he's not someone who's gonna sit there

1156
01:17:47.640 --> 01:17:49.680
and make a meal with you in the kitchen.

1157
01:17:49.680 --> 01:17:53.240
That might not be an activity that y'all do together.

1158
01:17:53.240 --> 01:17:55.080
And so then you get to ask yourself,

1159
01:17:55.080 --> 01:17:57.600
is that something that I wanna do?

1160
01:17:57.600 --> 01:17:59.440
Is that important to me?

1161
01:17:59.440 --> 01:18:00.480
And you know what, Catherine?

1162
01:18:00.480 --> 01:18:03.480
That might be something that's important to you.

1163
01:18:03.480 --> 01:18:05.600
Like you may have a desire

1164
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:09.760
with the person that you wanna spend your life with

1165
01:18:09.760 --> 01:18:12.960
being able to do things and that they can,

1166
01:18:12.960 --> 01:18:15.000
can keep up with you

1167
01:18:15.000 --> 01:18:17.800
where you don't feel like you have to hold their hand.

1168
01:18:18.720 --> 01:18:23.440
So you have to ask with you and who you are,

1169
01:18:23.440 --> 01:18:27.600
is that something that fits who you are?

1170
01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:29.560
And it's okay if it's not.

1171
01:18:30.920 --> 01:18:34.760
It doesn't mean that he's not a good person.

1172
01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:37.360
It doesn't mean that you're not a good person.

1173
01:18:39.120 --> 01:18:44.120
You're learning what you like and what you don't like.

1174
01:18:44.800 --> 01:18:47.440
And you're learning about things in yourself

1175
01:18:48.120 --> 01:18:51.080
of, hey, what are things about me

1176
01:18:51.080 --> 01:18:56.080
that I need to look at more

1177
01:18:56.280 --> 01:18:59.360
and what are some areas that I can grow in?

1178
01:19:01.480 --> 01:19:03.800
So this gets to be,

1179
01:19:03.800 --> 01:19:07.160
this is that discovery phase for you.

1180
01:19:08.040 --> 01:19:12.160
And so what I don't want this to become for you

1181
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:15.800
is where it doesn't become enjoyable.

1182
01:19:18.280 --> 01:19:20.520
And if it's starting to feel heavy,

1183
01:19:22.000 --> 01:19:23.000
which-

1184
01:19:23.000 --> 01:19:25.400
It's kind of not that enjoyable anymore.

1185
01:19:25.400 --> 01:19:26.240
That's what I was,

1186
01:19:26.240 --> 01:19:28.920
and that's what was gonna be my question.

1187
01:19:30.240 --> 01:19:31.080
Cause you know,

1188
01:19:31.080 --> 01:19:34.040
we've talked about this for a couple of weeks now

1189
01:19:34.040 --> 01:19:38.160
and you've really invested

1190
01:19:38.160 --> 01:19:40.440
and you've stuck with it

1191
01:19:40.440 --> 01:19:42.440
and you're getting information.

1192
01:19:42.440 --> 01:19:47.040
And so now you get to discern with that information,

1193
01:19:47.040 --> 01:19:52.040
does this look like something that is an aligned,

1194
01:19:54.120 --> 01:19:56.960
you know, a compatibility?

1195
01:19:56.960 --> 01:19:58.720
Are the two of you compatible?

1196
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.200
Yeah, that's what I don't know.

1197
01:20:05.200 --> 01:20:14.140
And so, you know, if it may be sitting down with him and say, you know, this is something

1198
01:20:14.140 --> 01:20:15.740
I'm struggling with.

1199
01:20:15.740 --> 01:20:26.220
I know you care deeply for me, but I'm really struggling with feeling like I have to direct

1200
01:20:26.220 --> 01:20:33.420
and remind that's a lot on my plate and that's not something that I carry very well.

1201
01:20:33.420 --> 01:20:41.620
And maybe even learning why is it that when being asked to carry some responsibilities

1202
01:20:41.620 --> 01:20:46.260
that why does that make you uncomfortable?

1203
01:20:46.260 --> 01:20:48.420
Like asking the Lord to do that.

1204
01:20:48.420 --> 01:20:53.980
I mean, I can sit here and explain to you why that wouldn't work for me because of the

1205
01:20:53.980 --> 01:20:55.300
experiences I've had.

1206
01:20:55.820 --> 01:21:03.420
I mean, I can sit here and share with you like it's I struggle with that because I've

1207
01:21:03.420 --> 01:21:11.660
often always taken on the responsibility of managing things for people.

1208
01:21:11.660 --> 01:21:17.940
My parents, my family, feeling like no one else would follow through with stuff.

1209
01:21:17.940 --> 01:21:26.100
So I had to take on something because if I didn't, nothing would get taken care of.

1210
01:21:26.100 --> 01:21:29.860
And so what happens in me, go ahead.

1211
01:21:29.860 --> 01:21:36.660
I think it's because I really want a man to lead and he has this desire to be the leader

1212
01:21:36.660 --> 01:21:37.660
also.

1213
01:21:37.660 --> 01:21:45.620
So I know that he wants to, but I just feel like a lot of it.

1214
01:21:45.620 --> 01:21:47.940
I have to lead at the same time.

1215
01:21:47.940 --> 01:21:54.900
I feel like he's leading maybe spiritually, but at the same time I have to like be a guide

1216
01:21:54.900 --> 01:21:56.980
for him or something.

1217
01:21:56.980 --> 01:21:57.980
Yeah.

1218
01:21:57.980 --> 01:22:08.380
But so then have you asked him what that, cause have you asked him what does leading

1219
01:22:08.380 --> 01:22:10.940
in a relationship look like for you?

1220
01:22:10.980 --> 01:22:16.860
What would that, and ask him, what do you believe are your responsibilities or would

1221
01:22:16.860 --> 01:22:22.420
be your responsibilities as a leader in a relationship?

1222
01:22:22.420 --> 01:22:24.180
Find out the definition of that.

1223
01:22:24.180 --> 01:22:31.540
I've learned that just for the last several years, there's sometimes disconnect because

1224
01:22:31.540 --> 01:22:38.460
my definition and my husband's definition of things are completely different.

1225
01:22:38.460 --> 01:22:40.820
And we're like always disagreeing.

1226
01:22:40.820 --> 01:22:43.740
And I'm like, well, wait a second.

1227
01:22:43.740 --> 01:22:47.580
You think I'm doing this, but I'm like, but I'm not, I'm doing like, this is what I'm

1228
01:22:47.580 --> 01:22:48.580
doing.

1229
01:22:48.580 --> 01:22:49.580
Like I'm doing like that.

1230
01:22:49.580 --> 01:22:52.900
And he's like, no, you're not like, and I'm like, but I am.

1231
01:22:52.900 --> 01:22:57.020
But then I'm like, wait a second, what's your definition of this?

1232
01:22:57.020 --> 01:23:05.340
And when we stop and we start breaking down, like what do we actually believe this is and

1233
01:23:05.340 --> 01:23:07.220
what it looks like?

1234
01:23:07.260 --> 01:23:13.380
That's when we discover we don't have the same vision of what this is.

1235
01:23:13.380 --> 01:23:21.620
So now we have to work at, okay, what parts of this that I have and what parts that you

1236
01:23:21.620 --> 01:23:26.020
have, and now we've got to come up with a new definition together.

1237
01:23:26.020 --> 01:23:32.700
I just think it's a shame because there's so many good things here that I long for in

1238
01:23:32.700 --> 01:23:36.180
a relationship.

1239
01:23:36.180 --> 01:23:38.060
So I think it's just becoming more curious.

1240
01:23:38.060 --> 01:23:45.300
It's okay for you to start asking him more deep questions of what those things look like

1241
01:23:45.300 --> 01:23:52.820
and get an understanding of what does it look like in his mind?

1242
01:23:52.820 --> 01:23:56.660
And does it align with what it looks like in your mind?

1243
01:23:56.660 --> 01:24:02.140
And then once you two can figure that out, can you communicate something at, you know,

1244
01:24:02.140 --> 01:24:08.660
especially if it's different, can you communicate together a new definition?

1245
01:24:08.660 --> 01:24:13.180
Is he able to do that?

1246
01:24:13.180 --> 01:24:21.820
So like same thing like with the dinner, like, hey, when we're doing this together, if we're

1247
01:24:21.820 --> 01:24:26.860
doing something together, together to me doesn't mean that I'm giving you reminders of the

1248
01:24:26.860 --> 01:24:29.060
steps that need to take place.

1249
01:24:29.060 --> 01:24:34.140
I would think if we're doing something together, you're going to be able to recognize what

1250
01:24:34.140 --> 01:24:35.700
needs to get done.

1251
01:24:35.700 --> 01:24:41.380
You're not going to need me to point out what needs to get done.

1252
01:24:41.380 --> 01:24:47.220
And you ask him, is that something you struggle with?

1253
01:24:47.220 --> 01:24:52.260
Or is it something that you recognize?

1254
01:24:52.260 --> 01:24:58.580
Or would it be better that you sit and make me a meal?

1255
01:24:58.580 --> 01:25:00.180
And then I sit and make a meal.

1256
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.560
and it's a partnership where you make this part of the entree and I make the sides.

1257
01:25:08.320 --> 01:25:14.320
What does that look like? Can you come to some sort of a different solution?

1258
01:25:15.920 --> 01:25:21.440
And being able to talk those things out. So I think this is that you're at that stage now where

1259
01:25:21.440 --> 01:25:29.200
you're going to practice some communication, asking some curious questions, getting more insight of

1260
01:25:29.200 --> 01:25:37.920
what it is, things that what it looks like for him. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I think

1261
01:25:37.920 --> 01:25:44.080
once you start breaking that down, I think, you know, again, and going to the Lord in prayer

1262
01:25:44.080 --> 01:25:50.640
and asking him to really highlight and giving you clarity of if this is a yes or a no.

1263
01:25:51.600 --> 01:25:57.440
Um, I think that will be really, really good. Yeah. Okay.

1264
01:25:59.520 --> 01:26:06.720
Does that help? Can I ask one more question? Yes. Can you hear that? Like I have like my phone is

1265
01:26:06.720 --> 01:26:17.600
going off and I don't know why. Okay. No, I'm just thinking after two months shouldn't. I mean,

1266
01:26:17.600 --> 01:26:27.280
I don't have there's attraction, but it hasn't really grown. Shouldn't I soon start to like

1267
01:26:27.280 --> 01:26:32.720
have those feelings? Well, here's the thing is I think, you know, you have some attraction.

1268
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:38.400
There's things that you like about him, but you see how you, there is this one piece that

1269
01:26:38.960 --> 01:26:46.000
you haven't resolved. Yeah. There is something there. And so that's, you're not going to be able

1270
01:26:46.080 --> 01:26:54.080
to let like, until that gets resolved, you're really not going to be able to draw any closer.

1271
01:26:54.800 --> 01:26:59.520
So I think that's what you're going to work with now is like, okay, I'm going to need to spend some

1272
01:26:59.520 --> 01:27:10.720
time with the Lord and, and ask God, what kind of questions and communication do I need to sit down

1273
01:27:10.720 --> 01:27:16.960
with him, with this gentleman within start discovering, you know, ask the Lord to start

1274
01:27:16.960 --> 01:27:23.840
revealing to you. What is it that I need to know? Yeah. Like, what does that look like?

1275
01:27:24.800 --> 01:27:30.880
You know, what definitions do I need? You know, and being able to have those honest communications,

1276
01:27:30.880 --> 01:27:37.440
like you can't sit there and say, Hey, I'm flattered that you, you have these strong

1277
01:27:37.440 --> 01:27:41.840
feelings for me. And there's so many wonderful things that I enjoy about you.

1278
01:27:42.800 --> 01:27:47.600
Um, but part of relationship is being able to have honest communication.

1279
01:27:48.560 --> 01:27:55.120
And I want to sit down with you and share with you some things that I'm struggling with.

1280
01:27:57.120 --> 01:28:00.640
You're, I mean, you've, you've dated for a couple months now and it's, it's,

1281
01:28:00.640 --> 01:28:08.720
it's moving towards that exclusivity because he is interested on a deeper level. So it's okay now

1282
01:28:08.720 --> 01:28:14.720
to start having those kinds of conversations. It's okay to have some of those vulnerable

1283
01:28:14.720 --> 01:28:21.280
conversations. Okay. This is going to give you a lot of more, this will give you more information.

1284
01:28:22.240 --> 01:28:28.560
How is he going to approach those kinds of conversations? You're going to have to have

1285
01:28:28.560 --> 01:28:35.760
tough conversations ladies with, um, your spirit mates. When things don't align and

1286
01:28:35.760 --> 01:28:40.240
you got feelings and you got, you know, uncertainties and you're going to have to say,

1287
01:28:40.240 --> 01:28:47.520
Hey, this is what you're communicating. This is what this feels like. Is this, is this,

1288
01:28:47.520 --> 01:28:53.360
am I getting that? Is that, is that what I'm gathering? Because this is what it feels like

1289
01:28:53.360 --> 01:29:00.480
to me. And this is what I would need. And this is what I'm struggling with.

1290
01:29:01.680 --> 01:29:12.000
And then there's going to be working together to resolve. And so you're at that, I think it's safe

1291
01:29:12.000 --> 01:29:17.120
for you to be able to sit down and have that conversation and you'll see how he responds.

1292
01:29:18.080 --> 01:29:24.800
And if he doesn't respond well and mature and, and reasonable, that that'll give you information.

1293
01:29:26.080 --> 01:29:33.680
If he is open to it and you all test it out, but it can't get delivered. There's no consistency

1294
01:29:33.680 --> 01:29:38.880
and it doesn't, his actions don't align with the words. That's going to give you information.

1295
01:29:40.640 --> 01:29:45.920
It also can give you information is that he hears you. You guys can work through something

1296
01:29:46.560 --> 01:29:52.240
and maybe you'll feel a resolve and then there'll be a shift and you'll recognize,

1297
01:29:52.240 --> 01:29:58.560
Oh my goodness. We resolved that. Now that pressure of feeling like I have to advise

1298
01:29:58.560 --> 01:29:59.840
him for things and direct.

1299
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:08.080
him and remind him that that pressure isn't there like it was because we had a conversation about it

1300
01:30:08.880 --> 01:30:16.160
and we resolved it at one level. Will it be perfect? Maybe, maybe not. I'd say probably not.

1301
01:30:16.160 --> 01:30:23.200
I mean just being real like three years in marriage and we have to sometimes go at things

1302
01:30:23.200 --> 01:30:29.040
a few times and be like okay we've gotten better at this but it's we're still not quite there.

1303
01:30:30.080 --> 01:30:37.760
But there is for the most part there's alignment with our words and I see a desire I see that in

1304
01:30:37.760 --> 01:30:45.360
him. But again I think with kind of what you're experiencing you're gonna see you know he may

1305
01:30:45.360 --> 01:30:52.960
need somebody that does kind of hold his hand through some things and you know spend time with

1306
01:30:52.960 --> 01:30:59.120
God and ask yourself Lord is this something that I need to heal and that you're trying to grow in me

1307
01:30:59.760 --> 01:31:04.560
or are you just showing me that this is just kind of who I am and there's nothing wrong with that.

1308
01:31:06.000 --> 01:31:12.160
It's just this person isn't compatible with me. Because people can be great people and

1309
01:31:12.160 --> 01:31:17.200
they're just not compatible. I dated a handful of really great guys that just

1310
01:31:17.760 --> 01:31:23.840
I wasn't compatible with them. Like one in particular like really cool guy really great

1311
01:31:23.840 --> 01:31:31.040
guy was attractive all those things. He was not someone that I could see being a father figure to

1312
01:31:31.040 --> 01:31:37.280
my son you know and he I just found out like he and his wife are now expecting and he is going to

1313
01:31:37.280 --> 01:31:44.960
be a dad but he's going to be a dad to a baby to bring a new baby. I was coming with a with a kid

1314
01:31:46.160 --> 01:31:50.400
and so we just weren't compatible in that way. Doesn't mean that he's not going to be a good

1315
01:31:50.400 --> 01:31:56.720
father. It just where I was at in my stage of life and where he was at in his stage of life

1316
01:31:56.720 --> 01:32:04.000
weren't compatible. We weren't in alignment there. Didn't make me a bad person. Didn't make me like

1317
01:32:04.800 --> 01:32:15.200
it it just it it was what it was. He wasn't my person. He wasn't my spirit mate and that's fine

1318
01:32:15.200 --> 01:32:20.080
and so I got to release him. He got to release me and we both found our spirit mates eventually.

1319
01:32:22.480 --> 01:32:32.720
So don't carry the heaviness that I know that I really feel that and I think this even goes for

1320
01:32:32.720 --> 01:32:37.840
some of you ladies on this call because I think you know Catherine is not the only one that's

1321
01:32:37.840 --> 01:32:45.760
probably experienced this. That you know that when someone kind of has deeper feelings for you

1322
01:32:45.760 --> 01:32:51.840
than you feel like you have for them. There's this you don't want to disappoint

1323
01:32:53.920 --> 01:33:00.960
and ladies I really want to help you release. It's okay that's not your responsibility.

1324
01:33:01.840 --> 01:33:09.280
You get to hold a boundary like how he shows up and how he handles his emotions and his feelings.

1325
01:33:09.280 --> 01:33:18.880
That's his boundary. That's not yours to carry. It's not. You don't have to feel a weight or a

1326
01:33:19.840 --> 01:33:32.080
pressure to make him feel good about how he feels about you if you don't feel that same way.

1327
01:33:33.280 --> 01:33:39.360
I want you to you can release that. It doesn't say anything about you and it doesn't say anything

1328
01:33:39.360 --> 01:33:48.320
about him. Our worth ladies and the guys that we date their worth is not tied to what we think or

1329
01:33:48.400 --> 01:33:59.200
feel about them. It just isn't. Our worth is in our heavenly father and what Jesus did for us.

1330
01:34:00.720 --> 01:34:03.920
That's where our worth comes from is who we are in Christ.

1331
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:12.080
And so we get to release that pressure. We get to release that tension. We get to drop that rope.

1332
01:34:12.800 --> 01:34:21.520
That does not belong to us. We stay in our lane and our boundaries and people get theirs

1333
01:34:22.800 --> 01:34:28.480
and that's where you get your peace. And so I don't want this to disrupt your peace.

1334
01:34:29.200 --> 01:34:35.680
I want you to spend some time with that and so keep me posted.

1335
01:34:36.080 --> 01:34:38.080
Thank you so much.

1336
01:34:38.080 --> 01:34:43.200
You're welcome. And if you need to process some more out and then share it in the app,

1337
01:34:43.200 --> 01:34:44.720
we're here for you.

1338
01:34:44.720 --> 01:34:51.200
Yeah, I think I really need to think about with God before I do anything.

1339
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:58.480
Yeah, absolutely. All right, ladies. All right, well that time is about come and

1340
01:34:58.480 --> 01:35:00.480
we'll see you next time. Bye.

1341
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.320
It's been so good.

1342
01:35:01.320 --> 01:35:02.520
I love taking these questions

1343
01:35:02.520 --> 01:35:05.440
because we've had so many teachable moments

1344
01:35:05.440 --> 01:35:08.000
with the questions and I really do appreciate that.

1345
01:35:09.000 --> 01:35:12.180
I'm gonna quickly kind of look through the chat.

1346
01:35:14.440 --> 01:35:15.640
Yeah, Nancy, I'm the same.

1347
01:35:15.640 --> 01:35:18.780
Like, yeah, that cooking and conversating at the same time.

1348
01:35:19.720 --> 01:35:21.600
You asked my children.

1349
01:35:21.600 --> 01:35:23.240
I don't like anybody in the kitchen

1350
01:35:23.240 --> 01:35:24.920
when I'm cooking and making dinner

1351
01:35:24.920 --> 01:35:29.040
because I'm one of those people that I clean as I cook.

1352
01:35:30.240 --> 01:35:33.520
And my kids are a distraction.

1353
01:35:33.520 --> 01:35:36.540
Like, I had just recently got comfortable

1354
01:35:36.540 --> 01:35:40.300
with having my husband in there helping me cook.

1355
01:35:41.680 --> 01:35:43.940
But I have to literally tell him what to do.

1356
01:35:45.440 --> 01:35:46.880
And I don't always love it,

1357
01:35:46.880 --> 01:35:50.160
but sometimes I give him a task

1358
01:35:50.160 --> 01:35:51.840
that I know it's gonna take him a long time.

1359
01:35:51.840 --> 01:35:56.160
Then I'm like, okay, he feels good that he's helping me,

1360
01:35:56.160 --> 01:35:59.920
but I'm like, okay, honey, go cut up this onion.

1361
01:36:00.840 --> 01:36:01.680
And sometimes I'm like,

1362
01:36:01.680 --> 01:36:03.400
why is it taking you 15 minutes to cut an onion?

1363
01:36:03.400 --> 01:36:05.600
But I'm like, it's okay, it's okay.

1364
01:36:05.600 --> 01:36:07.600
I'm like, you just go cut that onion

1365
01:36:07.600 --> 01:36:09.120
because you think you're helping me.

1366
01:36:09.120 --> 01:36:11.560
You're not, but it's okay.

1367
01:36:11.560 --> 01:36:13.120
I just go do my thing.

1368
01:36:14.400 --> 01:36:15.820
Because he likes to be in there helping me

1369
01:36:15.820 --> 01:36:17.320
and that's a compromise that I have.

1370
01:36:17.320 --> 01:36:21.040
So yeah, I get that.

1371
01:36:21.040 --> 01:36:22.920
Let's see, what other things do we have?

1372
01:36:22.920 --> 01:36:24.920
Okay, good, some people have,

1373
01:36:26.260 --> 01:36:29.260
they're seeing that they kind of live close to each other.

1374
01:36:29.300 --> 01:36:31.020
I love that, ladies.

1375
01:36:31.020 --> 01:36:33.620
Yeah, when you're on these calls,

1376
01:36:33.620 --> 01:36:36.280
see if anybody lives close to you.

1377
01:36:37.540 --> 01:36:38.940
Or if you're traveling,

1378
01:36:38.940 --> 01:36:43.940
see if anybody lives close to where you're traveling.

1379
01:36:44.320 --> 01:36:48.860
I had a feeling no one lived in the Alabama area

1380
01:36:48.860 --> 01:36:49.900
in this phase.

1381
01:36:49.900 --> 01:36:52.660
I probably should have jumped into phase three

1382
01:36:52.660 --> 01:36:56.340
and asked to be able to kind of

1383
01:36:56.340 --> 01:36:59.740
see if there was anybody available in this area

1384
01:36:59.740 --> 01:37:02.880
to meet for coffee, but I dropped the ball there.

1385
01:37:06.100 --> 01:37:08.960
Kristen, Kristen, it is good to see you.

1386
01:37:08.960 --> 01:37:09.920
It is good to see you.

1387
01:37:09.920 --> 01:37:14.420
I know, and I know you've posted a few times tonight,

1388
01:37:14.420 --> 01:37:16.620
but I haven't seen if you've responded

1389
01:37:16.620 --> 01:37:18.660
to any of our feedback yet.

1390
01:37:18.660 --> 01:37:23.220
So if you have, let me know so I go check those.

1391
01:37:23.220 --> 01:37:26.740
If you haven't, go look at them and respond to us.

1392
01:37:26.740 --> 01:37:27.900
We definitely want to hear it.

1393
01:37:27.900 --> 01:37:29.620
Ladies, that goes for everybody.

1394
01:37:29.620 --> 01:37:32.860
When y'all post and we give you a response,

1395
01:37:34.780 --> 01:37:37.340
we do like to see your responses back to us.

1396
01:37:37.340 --> 01:37:39.660
And that can mean you just make another post

1397
01:37:39.660 --> 01:37:43.240
and share with us like, hey, thanks for that response.

1398
01:37:43.240 --> 01:37:47.300
I know someone did that to me the other day.

1399
01:37:47.540 --> 01:37:52.540
And actually, I think they posted

1400
01:37:52.820 --> 01:37:55.020
either last night or this morning.

1401
01:37:55.020 --> 01:37:59.040
And it was really, really helpful.

1402
01:38:01.580 --> 01:38:04.780
So, all right, ladies.

1403
01:38:04.780 --> 01:38:08.060
Well, we're 10 minutes over,

1404
01:38:08.060 --> 01:38:10.940
so I'm not gonna keep you much longer.

1405
01:38:10.940 --> 01:38:13.620
All right, have a great rest of your day.

1406
01:38:13.620 --> 01:38:16.860
Catch the eight o'clock if you can.

1407
01:38:17.460 --> 01:38:19.540
And have a blessed day and I'll see y'all next week

1408
01:38:19.540 --> 01:38:21.380
and I'll see you in the app, okay?

1409
01:38:21.380 --> 01:38:22.700
All right, thank you.

1410
01:38:22.700 --> 01:38:24.300
Bye, ladies.

1411
01:38:24.300 --> 01:38:25.140
Bye-bye.