WEBVTT

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Let me record us.

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Listen, I haven't seen y'all faces before.

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I'm like, am I in the wrong group?

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I guess Zoom has moved some stuff

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and I can't figure out, okay.

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Figure out where my,

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how I can adjust the view.

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I need.

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Oh, from like spirit gallery or?

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Yeah, oh, there it is.

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It's a new icon, I see.

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Okay, all right.

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For all of you ladies,

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is this your first time meeting me?

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Oh, come on.

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My camera is tripping tonight.

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Maybe I should have started a little earlier,

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but I'm working on that ladies.

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Getting this camera seen about.

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Sometimes it'll pop right back on for me.

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I'm Ebony.

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I'm so happy to have you.

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If this is your first time coming over from phase one,

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I'm here in Austin.

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I am a current, now a newly second grade teacher.

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I was initially a third grade teacher

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and a fourth grade teacher and all kinds of teachers.

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And so I've been in the program for a while.

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I started a few years ago.

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I mean, not a few years ago.

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I was a student about, I don't know.

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I guess it could be four years now.

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The calendar keeps going on and on, moving over.

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We aren't seeing your,

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I know I'm working on it and I'm working on it.

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Sometimes when I put my makeshift camera in,

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the outside one, the original one would act right.

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And so that's what I'm working on.

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So just telling y'all stuff a little bit about me

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while I do that.

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Cause it's no fun if you can't see the person.

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It takes away.

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Anyway, so yeah.

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So I still remember my hard work phase and year two,

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which was probably my most favorite.

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It wasn't called that then.

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This was my most favorite phase.

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And so I hope that you guys are enjoying phase two

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and looking forward to all the glory

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to be had in this phase.

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It truly is glorious.

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It changed my life for the best forever.

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And that is the truth.

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And so, all right.

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I look, I see myself.

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Do y'all see me?

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Good.

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I wanna go ahead and get us started in prayer.

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And I'm gonna try to juice you up.

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So let's see what the Holy Spirit has for us.

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Father God, I thank you for these ladies.

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I thank you for the joy that is set before them.

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I thank you, Lord God, that as they endure the journey,

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just as Jesus endured the cross,

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the Bible says that he did it for the joy

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that was set before them.

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I pray now, Lord God,

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that you begin to give them a download, a revelation,

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give them a vision, give them sight,

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so they may see the joy that is before them.

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Even if they don't get to see the joy that is before them,

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I pray that they get to see the joy that is present,

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waiting for them.

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The joy that comes with walking

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with your friend named Jesus.

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The joy that comes walking with your savior named Jesus.

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The joy that comes walking with the creator of all things.

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The joy that comes from walking with Jehovah Nissi,

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the Lord God, my banner, my victory banner is over my life.

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So I pray right now in the name of Jesus

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that not one moment of this phase passes them by,

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that they don't get to enjoy the journey,

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that they don't get to pick up the treasures

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that are laying all around just for them,

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for you've ordained this time, you've ordained this season.

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Never will they get to see it again.

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So I thank you, Lord God,

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that we be women that gather the treasures,

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that we be women that go looking for the gold

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because there is gold to be had.

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And so we are eternally excited, God,

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for all that you have in store.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that you already knew our path even before it came.

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And even when we went down the wrong path,

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Lord God, the Bible says you're the type of God

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that things can get bad, but you'll make it so good,

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you'll never know that it was bad.

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That's how good you are.

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So I thank you, Lord God,

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that this is the God that we serve.

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And so we honor you on tonight.

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We take a moment and we haven't said thank you today.

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We say, Lord God, we thank you.

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We thank you for your goodness.

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We thank you for your kindness.

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We thank you that you're steadfast.

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We thank you that you're more faithful to us

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than we could ever be to you.

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We thank you that we serve a God

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that doesn't owe us anything,

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but we owe you everything

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because you've done everything for us, oh God.

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I also thank you that we serve a God

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that we don't have to strive for,

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that we don't have to work for,

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but you are a God that completed it all,

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that you went ahead of us.

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You completed that thing.

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And now you say, come and live in my glory.

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Come and live in my rest.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that we won't be like the children of Israel

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who was withheld.

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from the promised land, because they refuse to rest, oh God,

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they refuse to obey.

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But we will be the people that will trust you.

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We will be the people that through our obedience,

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it's just called trust, that we will trust you

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and enter into rest and enter into the promised land.

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I declare over every one of you

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that the promised land is good and it is before you.

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No matter where you are today, the land is before you.

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And when land is before you, when land is in front of you,

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what can stop you from getting there?

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I declare that your feet do not rest in quicksand.

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I declare that your feet do not live in the mud,

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but your feet are light.

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They move quickly to the beat of the Holy Spirit.

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And so I thank you, Lord God,

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for acceleration over their lives,

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acceleration over their minds

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and accelerations over their heart,

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that they get to live in places they've not seen yet.

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For the joy of the Lord is the thing

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that takes you to the place

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in which he's destined for you to be.

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I thank you, Lord God, that marriage is your idea.

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Marriage is your idea, God, not ours.

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If you hadn't created, we would never desire it.

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It is your idea and the Bible says

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that you make all things beautiful in his time,

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that you are faithful to fulfill the thing

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that you said to be.

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And so we thank you for the fulfillment of all things

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concerning us in Jesus name, amen.

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Well, I'm excited about that prayer.

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I tell you the truth.

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I feel encouraged.

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The Lord knows how to,

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whoo, I got some stuff falling around here.

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The Lord knows how to encourage his children

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and I'm excited about it.

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I'm excited about it.

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I'm telling you, there's no place that I know

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like the place of prayer, a secret place.

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Even when I was at work today,

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I had to play this song, excuse the shaking,

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and it's called, You Are My Hiding Place.

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I had to remember that the Lord was my hiding place.

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I had to remember that he was my place of refuge.

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The Bible says that he's the name of the Lord,

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the name all along, the name of the Lord is a strong tower

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and the righteous run in and they find safety.

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And so I pray safety over you all on tonight,

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safety over your mind, safety over your emotion

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and safety over your will,

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that it may submit to a more perfect will, a better will,

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a will that is able to bring you to an expected end.

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God is good.

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Okay, ladies, we've had one full week of activations.

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We've had one full week to think about the things

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that we were carrying and who did they belong to.

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And so if any of you had an opportunity

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to participate in that,

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I want you to think about what you're gonna share

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with us on tonight, you know,

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so that we can be built up in our faith

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and so that we can start to lay aside things

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that we shouldn't be carrying.

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So, you know, last week activation was to determine

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whose load was it to carry?

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We talked about God, that the kingdom of God

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is not like a escalator that's broken down,

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but it's the escalator that gets you to an expected end.

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We tied that into Jackie's teaching on the Saturday before,

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not the Saturday that just passed.

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And so we wanted to evaluate our lives

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and determine where we were riding on the escalator

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that takes us there, or if we were walking up the escalator.

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And to identify either place in our life.

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And so who wants to share along those lines

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somewhere you've identified that in your life

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this past week?

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Oh, and you can type it in the chat as well,

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or you can unmute and take a couple of minutes

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and share with us that we may also walk in the freedom

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that you've received.

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If it's you, go, don't wait on anybody else.

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You know, sometimes when you're on like these Zoom calls,

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you'd be like, well, let me see.

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I don't want to go too quick.

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When they tell you,

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have you ever been at a picnic or a barbecue

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and they say it's time to eat and everybody sit down?

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Baby, get up and get your plate.

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Come on, get in the line.

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And then we'd be like eating, you know, you're hungry.

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And you're just standing there.

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I learned not to do that.

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I'm always trying to be the first in line.

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It's like, did you say it's time?

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Oh, let's go.

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Let's go.

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That's me.

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So I'd be like, oh, they talking to me.

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I'm talking to y'all.

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Anybody?

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Some people say no pressure.

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I say heavy pressure.

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If you got something to share, bring it on.

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Okay.

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Nothing to share.

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It's okay.

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We all don't have something to share,

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but you all are worthy of celebration.

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You ladies have been doing so good.

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And we don't want to ever,

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I know it sounds like, oh, they say this,

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I say this, Carla say this.

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We may say it every time, but you need to hear it.

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Because not everywhere you go,

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you're hearing you're in a community of women

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that are believing God for marriage.

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And so you need to hear that you're doing a good job.

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job. If you're putting your hand to the journey, you're doing a good job. And if you need to

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step out of the bank and jump on in, then do that. If you need to walk around a little

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bit, walk around it a little bit, but whatever you're doing, you're doing good. And we're

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excited for you because I had a manager that used to always tell me, I just say, I don't

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know how to do this. This is frustrating. It's too much. She said, how do you eat an

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I didn't like it at first. And she was like one bite at a time. That's the same way you

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take this journey with the Lord. It's one step at a time. Now, mind you, our it's a

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busy steps, um, don't produce the acceleration we like. It's true, but nevertheless, it's

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a busy step. It's better than no step at all. And so sometimes we want it to be the steps

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with major acceleration, but that doesn't always happen. But I can tell you the more

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it's a business steps you take, you will get a momentum going and you will start to

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see yourself take off. And then you'll look back and say, why did I wait so long to do

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this? And then I'll say, I don't know, because it's your journey. Hey, it's yours. Nobody

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can take it for you. And that's why it's so important. I like to, I like to echo this

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as much as I can, ladies, that we don't compare our journey to someone else's. I would tell

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this and it's, I still feel a little kind of way about it. I had a friend, I was in

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the program. I told her about the program. She got in the program. I had already been

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in the program probably, I don't know, five or six months. She gets in the program in

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October and I be, I be doggone if she didn't meet her husband January the next year. And

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I said, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord. Now I still, I was a recovering Pharisee back then. So

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I said, I'm even more righteous than her. Now how she gonna come along and get her?

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I brought her in on this. And I'm better than her. I do A, I do B, I do C, I do D. And you

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know, I didn't realize, I didn't realize that she and I were two different people.

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It didn't make that she was better. I was less better. It didn't mean she had less baggage.

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I had more baggage. Everybody has a different DNA and your life calls for something different

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and it's not comparable. It really just, it's just not comparable to any other woman.

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And so the things that heaven is equipping you for, it's going to be different than the

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things that heaven is equipping me for. Because one thing we can't fail to forget, and I like

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to remind you as much as I remind myself that the Bible says that in the beginning, in the

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beginning, when he, give me a second, I cannot meet everybody and talk at the same time.

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It's challenging for me. All right. That he saw that Adam was alone and he made him

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a helper, a help mate. And we know that the translation of that word helper is Ezra. And

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that word means a life giving source. It's the same word that's used for Holy Spirit.

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It's the same word that's used in the scripture. When God says, God is our, he's our Ebenezer.

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He's our stone of help. That's what you are. And so I don't know what type of helper heaven

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is preparing you to be for your husband. So I don't know what type of helper that man

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needed, but it was her. And whatever my husband needs, the Lord is faithful to prepare me

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as the helper. How do you spell that word? E-Z-E-R. It's Hebrew. Okay. And so the Lord

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is preparing me as a type of helper. And it's, if you don't get, if you don't remember that

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or the, the, the, the, the, the, the establishment that God created, you can get really, really

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wrapped up in your list and what you need and what you want and what a man needs to

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be for you. You can get really wrapped up in, if he ain't this and he ain't that, if

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he ain't this and he ain't that, and you work yourself out of a job because he don't need

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you. You ain't got nothing to do. By the time you get through with your list, you may be,

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you sitting high and pretty. You ride free in a fancy car. So you don't work yourself

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out of a job. And I believe a lot of us don't have husbands because we worked ourself out

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of a job. Your list don't even give you nothing to do. You ain't going to do nothing but sit

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back and eat strawberries every day. You don't want to work hard. You don't want to forgive.

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You don't want to show grace.

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You want your mercy. You got to be right. You can't have no past. You can't have no history. Can't be human

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You gotta be perfect. You gotta be Jesus. Well, you don't work though. You don't need me. You don't need no husband

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You don't need one

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Lord said well, I should let her hang around a little longer. Did she figure out she both help somebody?

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and

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So the interesting thing is too. We also need help

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and

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We have to remember a lot of times the areas where we fall short

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Where we need grace from people all around us all the time

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None of us are above grace

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None of us are above mercy

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And if you are it's called pride and the Bible says that God resists the pride and he gives grace to the humble

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So that means you're partnering with a guy that is resisting you

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Because you can't see a deficit in your life. You're filled with pride because we're human

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Human all of us are and so I'd like to remind us that we are called as is ours

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This does not that does not deny mature marriage mind and masculine

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That's why Jackie in the genius of this program and what Holy Spirit has done gives you the foundation of a husband

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mature marriage mind and masculine

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Those are non-negotiables because if you don't have that you don't have a husband that's what a husband is

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He's mature marriage mind and masculine

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Now he may be more mature in one area than he is in another area

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But there are certain areas of your life. You can determine if I'm maturing this is gonna spill over. It's kind of like

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When you start working out in the gym that discipline starts to go over all the other areas of your life

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You don't do it intentionally spills over

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Because once you create discipline in one area it will carry over into another area to another area to another area

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And that's just how things work

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And so I want to remind us that as we pick up to the to the teaching on tonight

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As I remind you I always remind myself

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You have to remind yourself on this journey. Why do you have to remind yourself that on this journey? I'm gonna tell you why because

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we

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preserve self above all

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We're creatures of self-preservation and that's why it takes us a long time

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to lay down our will to the Lord and we have to do it over and over and over because

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Something kicks in and say you've got to preserve self and much as you would like to trust in God

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There are areas where you can do a will and there are areas where you don't do it

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So we in one of those areas when it comes to a man coming into your life

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Because there's so much history that goes into those type of relationships and when you let a person come in that close to you

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Only a foolish person will keep their gates wide open

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Only a only a person if you lived in a neighborhood where they rob you every night will leave your door unlocked and say it's

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Okay, right

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So that means you lack wisdom you will lack wisdom if you kept the gates to your heart wide open

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That anybody could walk in and out and maybe you live that way in the past

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But now that you've come through the hard work you learn about boundaries boundaries aren't walls

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But they're the things that guard your heart

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The Bible says to guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life

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Whatever is before you it is in the heart

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And so when somebody comes prancing around to get close to that place where everything lives and resides

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You're going to if you if you had enough life happening you want to guard yourself you want to protect yourself

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And so I forgot exactly what I was saying when I was going there with it

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But I said enough good to get us along the way and so that's what proves this journey to be one of the most

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Challenging journeys, right?

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There's something in you when you meet a man you want to just let loose and go with the wind

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But then you let loose and go to win it cost you a whole lot and so it's the balance of I want certainty

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But I have to stay curious and that's the thing about dating and when you have to trust God

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And it's hard to trust them in a way. You've never trusted before and so this is the the the the

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I want to say the secret that it took me years to get in this program

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When we say be your God defended your God defended you think if I said enough, I'm gonna believe it

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but for most of us

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We're learning how to be God defended and if you ever could grab that you're learning to be God defended

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You won't beat yourself up. You will give yourself more grace

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You will actually take this journey with joy because you're learning how to be God defended

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But just because you don't know that you don't know how to be God defended

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It doesn't mean the Lord is not working to help you grow. But when you get a revelation

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Explanation that you've never had to trust God this way before you say to yourself. Okay. I never took this journey before

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Let me loosen up. It's not I supposed to I gotta get it, right

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You wouldn't say that to your child that they were learning how to walk

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You wouldn't say that to your child that they were learning how to talk

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So that shouldn't be the voice you hear from the Lord when you're on this journey that you've never had to take before

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And sure you've taken journeys before but this one is different

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And so you're learning how to be God defending you're learning the balance between

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boundaries

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trusting God

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Which they work hand-in-hand, but they don't look that way because oftentimes we want certainty

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And God looks for curiosity. He says let me be your certainty. I'm the certainty

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I am the guarantee. I am the one that's faithful to fulfill my promise

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I am the one who honors my word above my own name

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I am the one when the Bible says the grass within the flower faded

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But the Word of God endure forever. I am the one who says I make all things beautiful in this town

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I am the one that says what one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is as until a day

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I am the one I

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Am the God of the Bible I am the guy who brought forth the child for Abraham is there

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I am the one and I like using these

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these

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Illustrations or these examples from scripture so that you can keep hearing it over and over

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He is the one not the man that you meet

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Not even the man that stands with you at the altar or the one that becomes your husband

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God is the one and when you ever take your trust and put it in man

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It will fail you every time because the Bible says don't trust man. Why because of who we are our nature

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But we trust God and give it to God then God will take care of the thing that we put in his hand

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No, there's a scripture that says Jesus said whatever you hold fast to

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You lose but whatever you release to me. I'll keep it for you

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And so part of this journey is releasing it to him to keep it and what you're gonna do is take it back

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I know didn't give it back. You take it back

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You take it back and you give it back and you take it back and you give it back just today when I was

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Listening to Lord you are my hiding place. I was giving him something back

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Because I had took it I got afraid when I get afraid I want to protect myself

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And when I want to protect myself my mind spins in circles determining how I can protect myself

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How I can find everything that's wrong with this person so I can guard myself and have oh have a real storyline in my head

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About why I am doing what I'm doing and this is right

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Okay, and so I had to give it back

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And I took it back five minutes late, then I gave it back two minutes later

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Then I told somebody pray for me then I gave it back and that's what it looks like

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And it's somewhere in the giving and the taking and the taking in the giving you arrived to the place that you are

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God-defending and it takes a lot of giving and a taking and a taking and a giving and when you get married

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It's gonna take a lot of giving and a taking and a taking and a giving

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It is just the truth

401
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And if you don't give and take and take and give and give and take and you're gonna find yourself divorced

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Because you're not marrying you you're marrying a person with free will to do with so ever they choose and

403
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The same way God took a chance on us. It's same way you gotta trust God when you walk with that person

404
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And

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so, all right, so

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the thing about

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dating for discovery

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Some of these things we will sing like a song in your ear

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It really is about trusting the process and trusting God

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trusting him in a way that you've not known him before and one of the things that we tell you that guards this journey is

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boundaries

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One of the things that's gonna protect your heart is

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boundaries

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That's the thing that when it all blows up and explodes

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Your heart is gonna stay intact a little bit more way more than it would if you didn't guard it with boundaries

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Right, and so a lot of times the boundaries that I want to talk about tonight is determining

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What's my responsibility and what's God's responsibility and what's the person's responsibility that within itself is a boundary?

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So a lot of times you may see posted in the app

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Somebody say well should I had done this or should I had done this different?

420
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Should I say something about this? Should I not say something about this?

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Did I go too far when I did this? So you're trying to figure out your place their place and

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Then there's a guy place

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And I like to tell you you did exactly what you knew to do when you were doing

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That's what you you showed up as you

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You come to the coach and the coach give you insight.

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It's like, man, why didn't I think of it?

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Because you're the one in the situation.

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I'm the one outside of the situation.

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I'm going to see clearer than you will see sometimes.

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It's just the way it is.

431
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You got pressures on you.

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It's OK.

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That's why you use your community

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and you use your coaches.

435
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Allow us to be your editors and catch your blind spots,

436
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even when you feel like it's the one,

437
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even when you feel like, oh, we're so blissful.

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Let somebody edit your story.

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Let someone help you.

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Because you may say, well, we get married.

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Even if you get married, there are things

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that are just costly to marriage.

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There are things that kind of just damage relationships

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along the way that's unnecessary.

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There are things you can bring into your marriage

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that you never had to bring into your marriage.

447
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See, when it's blissful, you stop

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looking for things that will be beneficial for you to know.

449
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You think if you see it, it's going to say,

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this is not the one.

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But that's not true.

452
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There are things that you can catch

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if you will pace yourself on the journey that you can say,

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hey, I noticed that when we communicate,

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you deflect a lot.

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So instead of you turning and saying,

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I don't want him because he don't know how to communicate,

458
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you realize that most people don't know how to communicate.

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You bear with the process.

460
00:26:26.040 --> 00:26:28.760
You share what you're experiencing.

461
00:26:28.760 --> 00:26:30.840
You also talk with that person about ways

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00:26:30.840 --> 00:26:32.080
it could be different.

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And you get to watch them honor what you said.

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That's better than them being perfect.

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Because that gives you more insight about them

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as a person than if they had it all together.

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Because now you get to learn how they adjust.

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Now you get to watch them taking new information

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and process it because they're going

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to have to take in new information

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every day of their life.

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We're all evolving, right?

473
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And so instead of saying, I'm done with this,

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you don't know how to communicate, you make a note.

475
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They struggle.

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Notice every time I say something to them,

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it takes us 10 minutes to get to the true answer.

478
00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:14.400
Not because they're lying, because first they

479
00:27:14.400 --> 00:27:17.200
start defending themselves.

480
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:19.280
That was me.

481
00:27:19.280 --> 00:27:21.360
That was just a couple of years ago.

482
00:27:21.360 --> 00:27:23.320
My sister was saying, why do you feel like you

483
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:24.720
defend yourself against me?

484
00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:26.440
And I was like, I'm not defending myself.

485
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:27.720
She said, yeah, just ask your question.

486
00:27:27.720 --> 00:27:29.680
You told me all the reasons why you did it.

487
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:30.720
Who's ever done it before?

488
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:32.880
Somebody asks you something and you start explaining

489
00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:34.840
why you did what you did.

490
00:27:34.840 --> 00:27:35.960
That's the same thing.

491
00:27:39.360 --> 00:27:41.160
I always ask them for the yes or no.

492
00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:44.000
But you start saying, well, see, and this is this.

493
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:45.640
Because something in you says, I need

494
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:47.720
to defend why I did what I did.

495
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:52.040
And that can be corrected, or you can grow in that

496
00:27:52.040 --> 00:27:54.840
by just learning communication, skills in communication.

497
00:27:54.840 --> 00:27:57.000
That's all it is, is communication.

498
00:27:57.000 --> 00:27:59.120
And learning what's the root of it,

499
00:27:59.120 --> 00:28:00.960
that you feel like you have to defend yourself,

500
00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:02.680
you have to feel like you explain yourself.

501
00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:04.720
Most women over-explain, even when

502
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:06.040
we're talking to another woman.

503
00:28:06.040 --> 00:28:08.240
But we just accept it because it's us.

504
00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:09.960
And then sometimes she'll be like, girl,

505
00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:11.200
you ain't got to say all that.

506
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:12.000
I got you.

507
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:14.080
And she'll be like, yeah, but I wanted to say it

508
00:28:14.080 --> 00:28:15.440
because I really need it.

509
00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:18.560
But I wanted to say it because I really need A, B, C.

510
00:28:18.560 --> 00:28:20.280
Then we'd be like, yeah, I know.

511
00:28:20.280 --> 00:28:22.880
I know how it is.

512
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:24.880
But when you're talking to a man,

513
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:26.680
that can turn and become a threat to you.

514
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:28.960
And then you say stuff like, he's not really a leader.

515
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:31.560
I mean, just say what you're going to say and do it.

516
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:32.640
I don't need all that.

517
00:28:35.520 --> 00:28:38.440
So things have a way of looking different

518
00:28:38.440 --> 00:28:40.000
depending on who it's coming from.

519
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:45.040
But you have to remember, what is this exactly?

520
00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:46.640
Is a person deflecting?

521
00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:47.960
Why are they deflecting?

522
00:28:47.960 --> 00:28:53.800
Do you know that most people lie to cover themselves,

523
00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:55.320
not because they want to deceive you?

524
00:28:58.160 --> 00:28:59.480
Most people.

525
00:28:59.480 --> 00:29:01.040
I raise my hand.

526
00:29:01.040 --> 00:29:02.240
That's a thing.

527
00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:05.760
I have asked myself, why did you just lie?

528
00:29:05.760 --> 00:29:11.720
I was like, I wasn't trying to do that.

529
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:14.120
I just didn't want them to think this.

530
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:16.600
I just didn't want them to think this.

531
00:29:16.600 --> 00:29:17.760
It's not every day.

532
00:29:17.760 --> 00:29:19.880
But I mean, I try to not do that.

533
00:29:19.880 --> 00:29:21.600
But I've done it before.

534
00:29:21.600 --> 00:29:23.440
If it's enough heat, I'd be like, well,

535
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:24.440
I don't want them to think this.

536
00:29:24.440 --> 00:29:25.920
So I'm just going to tell them this.

537
00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:31.560
So I'll give you a real example.

538
00:29:31.560 --> 00:29:34.800
So I was talking to this guy that I'm getting to know.

539
00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:38.000
And so he said, did you fast today?

540
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:40.360
So I was fasting that day.

541
00:29:40.360 --> 00:29:42.240
But I do water fast.

542
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:44.800
And it's not timed.

543
00:29:44.800 --> 00:29:45.680
It's not a time.

544
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:46.880
It's a whole day fast.

545
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:47.520
It's fast.

546
00:29:47.520 --> 00:29:48.680
It's fast.

547
00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:54.520
And so he does 12-hour fasts or 16-hour fasts.

548
00:29:54.520 --> 00:29:58.840
And for some reason, bless my heart,

549
00:29:58.840 --> 00:30:00.880
it was important.

550
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.920
from for me it was important for him to know that I don't do this about the sound so so judgmental

551
00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:16.640
but just hear me out I wanted him to know that I don't do no 12 hour fast I go all the way in

552
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:22.400
and so you need to know we come strong over here we ain't doing those no four hour fast

553
00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:27.200
no and it's nothing wrong with y'all so don't hear what I'm not saying just hear what I did

554
00:30:27.520 --> 00:30:31.600
so he was like did you eat something today and I was like no I told you

555
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:40.320
hey no I told y'all I was fasting he's like but didn't you have a time that you stopped I was

556
00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:48.800
like no no but this this day I did do a eight to eight fast because with church we do eight to

557
00:30:48.800 --> 00:30:53.840
eight on certain days right I'm sorry to laugh so much I hope y'all are able to follow with me

558
00:30:54.720 --> 00:31:00.640
but I said did you just lie about fasting to prove a point

559
00:31:02.320 --> 00:31:08.000
of course I repented but what foolery is that like what the heck

560
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:15.040
so I mean you could go ahead think like that's pretty dumb and then it's about a biblical thing

561
00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:21.440
like come on you can't even get away with that I went I was scared to ask for forgiveness honestly

562
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:26.400
I was like I don't even know if you can repeat it no I'm just playing I'm just playing but I'm

563
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.240
just telling how simple something like that can happen how quickly something like that could

564
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:35.360
happen me trying to prove a point me trying to protect something me trying to show him

565
00:31:35.360 --> 00:31:43.360
something about me that I'm not like you in that way and that stemmed from me if I could be honest

566
00:31:43.360 --> 00:31:50.480
with you believing that he doesn't show up in the fullness of a righteous order in some areas of his

567
00:31:50.480 --> 00:31:57.440
life but that's no different than me there are areas where we're stronger as believers in areas

568
00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:04.560
where we're not as strong that's why we need Jesus none of us have reached perfection and that's why

569
00:32:04.560 --> 00:32:10.560
I thank God that I'm a recovering pharisee but let me tell you something I would have never said

570
00:32:10.560 --> 00:32:16.160
that to a friend girl or one of my sisters in Christ but I said it to him because I want him

571
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:22.560
to be of a certain standard to be with me because if he's of that standard it guarantees me something

572
00:32:22.560 --> 00:32:27.840
that's what I'm thinking in my heart I'm trying to protect myself do y'all see that

573
00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:32.080
that if I tell him as a certain standard you need to come up to that because that's what I

574
00:32:32.080 --> 00:32:39.200
want you to look like that's what I want you to be like to protect me because that's speaking

575
00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:45.760
something to me that's all I'm saying I knew it was a long way to get there but I think that was

576
00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:51.520
a really good way for us to get there so sometime thank you Sarah Sarah always let me know like I'm

577
00:32:51.520 --> 00:32:56.400
with you I'm with you I've been in the classroom too long in the classroom all the kids agree they

578
00:32:56.400 --> 00:33:04.560
do like this around these little children too long but um so things happen just like that and so uh

579
00:33:04.560 --> 00:33:10.000
that was me protecting myself trying to guard trying to produce a certain outcome whatever so

580
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:17.200
all right so this thing and I'm uh we're gonna open up the floor to um to questions after this

581
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.640
but this part of boundaries what we're talking about you know there are three boundaries we tell

582
00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:25.600
you don't cross emotional boundaries don't cross physical boundaries and don't cross spiritual

583
00:33:25.600 --> 00:33:30.400
boundaries all right so if you guys don't know those things I'll go over them for you

584
00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:36.000
for all purposes I believe that we're on the same page if you're not on you you haven't gotten to

585
00:33:36.000 --> 00:33:41.440
those boundaries yet I'll tell you what they are okay um but anyway for what we're talking about

586
00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:46.000
tonight let's talk about the boundary of whose responsibility is it so when you're dating you

587
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:50.960
have to be clear about what belongs to you what belongs to them and what belongs to the Lord

588
00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:57.600
I want you to write this law on your heart on your hands and on your foreheads

589
00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:01.600
you are in partnership with God

590
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:12.000
I don't care how promising it looks you are in partnership with God you belong to him always

591
00:34:12.560 --> 00:34:16.639
and when you make a covenant with that man you now come in covenant with him

592
00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:21.120
which that covenant comes under God and you're going to serve your husband you're going to

593
00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:24.320
forgive your husband you're going to have mercy on your husband you're going to have grace on

594
00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:28.320
have mercy on your husband you're going to have grace on your husband because of the covenant you

595
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:37.600
have with your God forgiveness is required in the kingdom that you're from covenant came from God

596
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:44.239
marriage came from God and so in the things that you fulfill you fulfill them through the covenant

597
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:50.080
that you have with the Lord first and your husband gets to be uh he gets to receive the goodness of

598
00:34:50.080 --> 00:34:57.200
that because if you did it solely unto him how he treats you you will treat him in return

599
00:34:57.200 --> 00:34:59.920
how he treats you he will some things that you

600
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.280
you do or that he does will strip the goodness

601
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:06.640
and the wanting out of you, right?

602
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:12.840
Just parents feed their children

603
00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:15.600
if they're healthy parents, even if they ain't that healthy,

604
00:35:15.600 --> 00:35:19.040
they feed their children because they're their parents,

605
00:35:19.040 --> 00:35:20.400
not because they owe them.

606
00:35:21.960 --> 00:35:25.040
You'll take care of your children because you birthed them.

607
00:35:25.040 --> 00:35:26.480
It's your responsibility.

608
00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:28.760
And by the way, as children, you don't think to yourself,

609
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:30.040
I'm not gonna feed my child today

610
00:35:30.040 --> 00:35:31.640
because they were disrespectful.

611
00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:34.840
You may wanna do something else to them,

612
00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:36.440
but you're gonna feed your baby.

613
00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:39.480
Most people tell their children,

614
00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:42.000
if you ain't got nowhere else to go, you can come home.

615
00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:43.960
And my mama saying this something like,

616
00:35:43.960 --> 00:35:46.120
you always come home.

617
00:35:47.160 --> 00:35:49.320
There's a thing with parent mothers,

618
00:35:49.320 --> 00:35:51.080
especially in their children.

619
00:35:51.080 --> 00:35:52.640
You always have a home.

620
00:35:52.640 --> 00:35:55.620
If you thought to yourself, your child was starving,

621
00:35:55.620 --> 00:35:56.960
you will wanna get some food to him

622
00:35:56.960 --> 00:35:58.600
by somebody in the meeting this year.

623
00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:00.560
You can take a helicopter and drop it out.

624
00:36:00.560 --> 00:36:03.000
That's the thing I'm talking about.

625
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:06.880
It is the covenantal relationship that you have,

626
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:09.320
not because of how they perform,

627
00:36:09.320 --> 00:36:11.360
but because of what's established.

628
00:36:11.360 --> 00:36:13.720
And that's the same thing that's gonna happen.

629
00:36:13.720 --> 00:36:15.320
So it's important that you see

630
00:36:15.320 --> 00:36:18.640
that this covenantal relationship

631
00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:21.240
flows all the way through.

632
00:36:21.240 --> 00:36:22.120
So what happens?

633
00:36:22.120 --> 00:36:24.960
How do I know I'm getting in partnership with the person

634
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:26.240
and not staying in partnership

635
00:36:26.240 --> 00:36:28.800
with the one who made the promise?

636
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:30.680
When something happens and then you start saying,

637
00:36:30.680 --> 00:36:33.480
but you said, but you said, but you said,

638
00:36:33.480 --> 00:36:35.240
but you said, but you said,

639
00:36:35.240 --> 00:36:37.960
and I thought, and I thought, and I thought,

640
00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:40.880
but I thought, and I thought, and I thought.

641
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:41.840
You know how as women,

642
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:44.760
that could go on and on and on and on and on,

643
00:36:44.760 --> 00:36:48.020
because language is our jam.

644
00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:50.880
It's what men say to women.

645
00:36:52.160 --> 00:36:54.200
And so in dating for discovery,

646
00:36:54.200 --> 00:36:57.480
you have to learn how to observe,

647
00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:01.800
to be more observable and listen to what God says to you.

648
00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:03.800
Not if God says he's the one.

649
00:37:03.800 --> 00:37:06.100
He rarely answers that question for me.

650
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:10.480
So if you wanna ask God something like that,

651
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:11.840
let me give you some language

652
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:14.040
that has worked a little bit better.

653
00:37:14.040 --> 00:37:19.040
Lord, is this person consistent with your will for my life?

654
00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:22.280
That may be a better question,

655
00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:25.280
because that question allows for things to develop

656
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:27.480
and unfold in front of you.

657
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:28.800
In order to be able to determine

658
00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:31.680
if a person is consistent with God's wills for your life,

659
00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:34.240
you by default have to watch and wait.

660
00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:36.760
Does that make sense?

661
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:38.680
Consistency can be measured.

662
00:37:38.680 --> 00:37:42.560
Are they consistent with your will for my life?

663
00:37:42.560 --> 00:37:44.800
But when you say, God, is this the one,

664
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:46.800
you may try to line up signs and say,

665
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:49.000
I know this is the one because of this.

666
00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:51.320
You may say, I think I heard God say, yeah,

667
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:53.120
I think this, I think that.

668
00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:56.120
Are they consistent with your will for my life?

669
00:37:56.120 --> 00:37:58.840
Let me take the journey to see.

670
00:37:58.840 --> 00:38:01.680
Let me watch this thing unfold in the whole time

671
00:38:01.680 --> 00:38:03.240
because this is what you're declaring,

672
00:38:03.240 --> 00:38:06.120
your dependency is upon the Lord to show you,

673
00:38:06.120 --> 00:38:07.320
to uncover it.

674
00:38:09.080 --> 00:38:10.640
And prayers like, Lord,

675
00:38:10.640 --> 00:38:13.040
if this is not heaven's best for me,

676
00:38:13.040 --> 00:38:14.560
allow this to happen.

677
00:38:14.560 --> 00:38:16.280
If this is not heaven's best for me,

678
00:38:16.280 --> 00:38:18.000
allow this thing to be removed,

679
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:20.080
allow it to be uprooted and removed.

680
00:38:20.080 --> 00:38:23.200
Plant the things in my life that you desire.

681
00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:25.840
And what that means is when God starts planting,

682
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:28.360
you get to take, go on dates

683
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:31.840
that bring, restore things in your heart.

684
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:34.440
They're gonna be men that come along that's good to you,

685
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:37.160
that buy you roses, that treat you good,

686
00:38:37.160 --> 00:38:38.360
that take you to dinner,

687
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:41.000
that spend the money that should have been spent all along.

688
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:43.080
And it's gonna restore something in you.

689
00:38:43.080 --> 00:38:45.360
It's gonna put hope on the inside of you.

690
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:47.720
But it doesn't mean that they were the one,

691
00:38:47.720 --> 00:38:49.160
but did they serve you well?

692
00:38:49.160 --> 00:38:50.200
Yes, they did.

693
00:38:50.200 --> 00:38:52.680
They served you well and got to you

694
00:38:52.680 --> 00:38:54.560
what God wants you to have.

695
00:38:55.640 --> 00:38:57.600
And so it's not everybody that treats you good

696
00:38:57.600 --> 00:38:59.440
get to stay.

697
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:00.920
Cause there's something better than good

698
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:02.040
and it's called great.

699
00:39:04.520 --> 00:39:05.720
It's true.

700
00:39:05.720 --> 00:39:07.400
It gets better.

701
00:39:07.400 --> 00:39:08.680
One time the Lord told me, he said,

702
00:39:08.680 --> 00:39:09.920
the reason you have a problem

703
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:11.840
with leaving this season in your life,

704
00:39:11.880 --> 00:39:14.120
is because you don't believe I get any better,

705
00:39:14.120 --> 00:39:15.680
but I do.

706
00:39:15.680 --> 00:39:17.560
And the only way you're gonna find out

707
00:39:17.560 --> 00:39:19.360
is if you take the journey.

708
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:24.520
And you would think when he said it,

709
00:39:24.520 --> 00:39:26.080
I would have said, woo hoo,

710
00:39:26.080 --> 00:39:27.840
kicked my heels together and ran.

711
00:39:27.840 --> 00:39:30.120
But no, I went with tears in my eyes

712
00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:31.640
because the truth was,

713
00:39:31.640 --> 00:39:33.560
I didn't believe he got any better

714
00:39:33.560 --> 00:39:35.880
because I had never seen better before

715
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:37.280
until I took the journey.

716
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.200
And now I know better.

717
00:39:39.200 --> 00:39:40.680
And now that I'm at this place,

718
00:39:40.720 --> 00:39:42.320
he's calling me to another place

719
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:43.800
and I'm still kicking and screaming

720
00:39:43.800 --> 00:39:46.240
because I didn't know any place better than this place.

721
00:39:46.240 --> 00:39:48.600
But I'm not kicking and screaming like I was last time

722
00:39:48.600 --> 00:39:51.520
because I got a little equity with him this time.

723
00:39:51.520 --> 00:39:55.000
I'm not still saying, wow, let's do it.

724
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:58.920
But I'm saying, okay, I've judged you faithful.

725
00:39:58.920 --> 00:40:00.320
I've seen your faithfulness.

726
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.840
It's you, I don't just have a scripture now.

727
00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:04.160
I ain't just got to quote the scripture.

728
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:05.480
I hope I believe the scripture.

729
00:40:05.480 --> 00:40:07.400
I never seen the righteous forsaken nor see bigger.

730
00:40:07.400 --> 00:40:08.240
No, no, no.

731
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:09.320
I got my own testimony

732
00:40:11.460 --> 00:40:13.760
because I've seen them do it.

733
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:17.040
And I'm like, okay, you say it could get better.

734
00:40:17.040 --> 00:40:20.080
You see, you can do exceedingly, abundantly, above,

735
00:40:20.080 --> 00:40:21.520
all that could X a thing.

736
00:40:21.520 --> 00:40:23.120
And then I'm the person that turned back around

737
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:24.240
and got to tell her,

738
00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:25.840
can you give me something to think bigger,

739
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:27.840
more exceedingly, more abundantly above?

740
00:40:27.840 --> 00:40:28.840
I don't know about y'all,

741
00:40:28.840 --> 00:40:31.640
but I can never think of anything

742
00:40:31.640 --> 00:40:34.240
exceedingly, abundantly, above.

743
00:40:34.240 --> 00:40:35.720
And I think that's the nature

744
00:40:35.720 --> 00:40:38.560
of exceedingly, abundantly, above.

745
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:42.800
Because it's exceeding, it's abundantly, it's above.

746
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:47.280
So I said, Holy Spirit, bring me up higher in my thoughts.

747
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:48.760
Because even when I get there,

748
00:40:48.760 --> 00:40:52.760
it says it's exceedingly, abundantly, above,

749
00:40:52.760 --> 00:40:56.740
all that you could X think or imagine.

750
00:40:57.540 --> 00:41:00.860
So if you can imagine it, it gets bigger than that.

751
00:41:00.860 --> 00:41:03.340
If you can imagine it, it gets better than that.

752
00:41:05.940 --> 00:41:07.900
I know, that's a good word.

753
00:41:07.900 --> 00:41:12.020
So we're gonna talk about whose responsibility is it?

754
00:41:12.020 --> 00:41:16.100
And I want you to know that when it comes to a spouse,

755
00:41:16.100 --> 00:41:19.940
the responsibility of the fulfillment of the promise

756
00:41:19.940 --> 00:41:22.020
is always up to God.

757
00:41:22.020 --> 00:41:24.780
Your responsibility is to partner with the journey.

758
00:41:25.540 --> 00:41:30.540
That's your responsibility is partnership with the journey.

759
00:41:32.020 --> 00:41:34.740
And I don't always feel like a bed of roses,

760
00:41:34.740 --> 00:41:36.360
and it's not supposed to.

761
00:41:37.260 --> 00:41:40.180
This is where the Lord equips you and builds you

762
00:41:40.180 --> 00:41:43.340
and make you steadfast and unmovable.

763
00:41:43.340 --> 00:41:45.760
He's building in you the engine

764
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:50.380
that's gonna give you 20, 30 years of kingdom marriage.

765
00:41:50.380 --> 00:41:52.500
He's building in you the engine

766
00:41:52.500 --> 00:41:53.980
that's gonna cause you to forgive

767
00:41:53.980 --> 00:41:55.100
when you don't wanna forgive.

768
00:41:55.100 --> 00:41:56.980
He's building in you the engine

769
00:41:56.980 --> 00:41:58.420
that's gonna cause you to show grace

770
00:41:58.420 --> 00:41:59.540
when you don't wanna show grace

771
00:41:59.540 --> 00:42:00.700
and give mercy when you don't.

772
00:42:00.700 --> 00:42:03.220
He's building in you the engine that says,

773
00:42:03.220 --> 00:42:05.600
for better or for worse, what is your worst?

774
00:42:05.600 --> 00:42:07.860
He's building the engine in you for that.

775
00:42:09.100 --> 00:42:10.540
And then when you get in your marriage

776
00:42:10.540 --> 00:42:11.900
and you gotta forgive and you forgive,

777
00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:14.820
you gotta remember, he's building the engine in me

778
00:42:14.820 --> 00:42:16.820
that's gonna get me through the next three years,

779
00:42:16.820 --> 00:42:19.220
the next two years, the next week, the next day,

780
00:42:19.220 --> 00:42:20.220
the next 10 years.

781
00:42:20.220 --> 00:42:22.100
There's nobody that I know that's been married,

782
00:42:22.100 --> 00:42:24.060
including myself, I'm divorced,

783
00:42:24.060 --> 00:42:26.060
that did not say multiple times,

784
00:42:26.060 --> 00:42:28.020
uh-uh, I ain't signing up for this.

785
00:42:28.900 --> 00:42:30.540
I don't wanna put up with this

786
00:42:30.540 --> 00:42:32.500
because there's nothing like marriage

787
00:42:32.500 --> 00:42:34.100
when you're yoked with a person

788
00:42:34.100 --> 00:42:35.780
that helps you see the reality

789
00:42:35.780 --> 00:42:39.340
of what decisions they make also affect you.

790
00:42:39.340 --> 00:42:42.420
And when somebody makes a decision that affects you,

791
00:42:42.420 --> 00:42:46.140
you need a God that works in your favor,

792
00:42:46.140 --> 00:42:49.660
that hears your prayer and sees your cries

793
00:42:49.660 --> 00:42:50.660
and sees your tears.

794
00:42:50.660 --> 00:42:51.820
That's what an Ezra is.

795
00:42:52.540 --> 00:42:53.620
She's a life-giving source.

796
00:42:53.620 --> 00:42:55.420
She says, you may not know what to do,

797
00:42:55.420 --> 00:42:57.580
but I got a God who knows what to do.

798
00:42:57.580 --> 00:42:59.780
And I'm gonna pray to my God,

799
00:42:59.780 --> 00:43:02.740
like Hannah was when she cried out to the God for a child.

800
00:43:02.740 --> 00:43:03.900
And that man said, are you drunk?

801
00:43:03.900 --> 00:43:05.540
She said, I'm not drunk.

802
00:43:07.020 --> 00:43:08.100
I'm not drunk.

803
00:43:09.820 --> 00:43:11.660
I'm praying to my God.

804
00:43:11.660 --> 00:43:13.220
I'm crying out to my God.

805
00:43:13.220 --> 00:43:14.780
And he changed her situation.

806
00:43:14.780 --> 00:43:16.020
He didn't just give her one child,

807
00:43:16.020 --> 00:43:18.660
he gave her more children and more children.

808
00:43:19.540 --> 00:43:22.660
I am telling you, the Lord is building in you

809
00:43:22.660 --> 00:43:26.340
the infrastructure to house the promise.

810
00:43:27.460 --> 00:43:29.620
And when something is being established

811
00:43:29.620 --> 00:43:30.900
on the inside of you,

812
00:43:30.900 --> 00:43:34.180
you owe it to yourself to partner with that thing

813
00:43:34.180 --> 00:43:35.860
and invest in you.

814
00:43:35.860 --> 00:43:37.420
You think this is about a husband.

815
00:43:37.420 --> 00:43:38.700
This is about you.

816
00:43:38.700 --> 00:43:40.380
Because when the time is right,

817
00:43:40.380 --> 00:43:43.740
God will fulfill the thing that he said.

818
00:43:43.740 --> 00:43:46.620
You don't get the short end of the stick in the kingdom.

819
00:43:46.900 --> 00:43:49.020
You already got the whole stick.

820
00:43:49.020 --> 00:43:51.220
You in the kingdom of God.

821
00:43:52.860 --> 00:43:55.340
He will do exceedingly abundantly

822
00:43:55.340 --> 00:43:58.220
above all that you could ask, think or imagine.

823
00:43:58.220 --> 00:44:00.420
And yeah, yours may take a little more time

824
00:44:00.420 --> 00:44:01.380
than somebody else,

825
00:44:01.380 --> 00:44:02.980
but would you rather it not happen

826
00:44:02.980 --> 00:44:04.580
or take time getting there?

827
00:44:04.580 --> 00:44:06.460
Take your pick.

828
00:44:06.460 --> 00:44:09.140
And so every time you think about giving up,

829
00:44:09.140 --> 00:44:10.460
I want you to remember

830
00:44:10.460 --> 00:44:14.540
that you serve a covenant keeping God.

831
00:44:15.380 --> 00:44:18.140
And if you don't believe that he's faithful,

832
00:44:18.140 --> 00:44:20.260
then you're gonna have to build yourself up

833
00:44:20.260 --> 00:44:21.860
in the truth of who he is

834
00:44:21.860 --> 00:44:24.740
because that's what's gonna take you to the promised land.

835
00:44:26.900 --> 00:44:30.140
Not if you could just get somebody to like you on the app.

836
00:44:30.140 --> 00:44:32.020
Not if you could just meet somebody.

837
00:44:32.020 --> 00:44:33.900
You can meet somebody in the last three months

838
00:44:33.900 --> 00:44:34.820
and it fall apart.

839
00:44:34.820 --> 00:44:36.620
You can meet somebody in the last six months

840
00:44:36.620 --> 00:44:37.660
and it fall apart.

841
00:44:40.860 --> 00:44:42.300
It won't be in vain.

842
00:44:43.300 --> 00:44:46.620
You will learn, you will gain.

843
00:44:46.620 --> 00:44:48.620
You have to remember the God

844
00:44:48.620 --> 00:44:50.420
that before he releases something,

845
00:44:50.420 --> 00:44:54.100
he builds the infrastructure to sustain it.

846
00:44:56.860 --> 00:44:59.940
Before he allowed grass to grow on the earth,

847
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.480
He said that he didn't have a man to tend to it,

848
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:04.380
so he didn't let it grow.

849
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:07.520
He told the children of Israel,

850
00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:09.720
when I send you into the land,

851
00:45:09.720 --> 00:45:12.040
we're not gonna, I'm not gonna take out

852
00:45:12.040 --> 00:45:14.520
all the giants at one time.

853
00:45:14.520 --> 00:45:18.360
Because if I do, the land will overtake you.

854
00:45:18.360 --> 00:45:23.160
So they conquered in parts and in pieces,

855
00:45:23.160 --> 00:45:26.640
because they had to be able to tend to all of the promise.

856
00:45:26.640 --> 00:45:28.440
I am speaking to you right now,

857
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:31.560
you gotta be able to attend to all of the promise

858
00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:33.620
or the promise will overtake you.

859
00:45:34.680 --> 00:45:39.560
You need the infrastructure to tend to all of the promise

860
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:42.760
that God has for you.

861
00:45:42.760 --> 00:45:46.160
And so I believe that this is encouraging

862
00:45:46.160 --> 00:45:48.720
and it's for someone because it's not on the notes.

863
00:45:51.120 --> 00:45:55.560
But you need to hear this all the time on this journey.

864
00:45:55.560 --> 00:45:57.000
I know where you are.

865
00:45:57.000 --> 00:45:58.320
I've been where you are.

866
00:45:59.200 --> 00:46:00.920
I visit that place,

867
00:46:00.920 --> 00:46:04.440
but I don't settle in that place of discouragement.

868
00:46:04.440 --> 00:46:06.360
And on the journey, it's ebbs and flows.

869
00:46:06.360 --> 00:46:07.200
Sometimes you're gonna be like,

870
00:46:07.200 --> 00:46:09.160
wow, that's right.

871
00:46:09.160 --> 00:46:13.080
And then you'd be like, man, look, is it that hard?

872
00:46:13.080 --> 00:46:15.800
Is it that hard Lord to send a husband?

873
00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:18.800
Send a, we'll figure the other stuff out on the other side.

874
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:20.440
He'd be saying, if I listen to y'all,

875
00:46:20.440 --> 00:46:21.680
you'll be messed up around here.

876
00:46:21.680 --> 00:46:23.320
You're gonna be turning around like Adam says,

877
00:46:23.320 --> 00:46:24.440
that woman you sent me,

878
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:25.360
you're gonna be telling the Lord,

879
00:46:25.360 --> 00:46:26.600
is that man you sent me?

880
00:46:26.600 --> 00:46:28.760
He gonna say, it ain't that man, it's you.

881
00:46:28.760 --> 00:46:30.520
I tried to get this stuff out of you,

882
00:46:30.520 --> 00:46:31.840
but you didn't wanna let me.

883
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:33.200
So now suffer.

884
00:46:33.200 --> 00:46:35.400
That's not the guy we sent.

885
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:37.760
He has way more sense than us.

886
00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:40.160
The Bible says his thoughts are not like our thoughts,

887
00:46:40.160 --> 00:46:41.600
his ways not like our ways.

888
00:46:41.600 --> 00:46:43.200
They're much higher.

889
00:46:43.200 --> 00:46:45.000
Just because your five-year-old want a car

890
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:46.960
don't mean you gonna put them behind the driving wheel

891
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:48.000
and say, go for it.

892
00:46:50.440 --> 00:46:52.040
God is faithful.

893
00:46:52.040 --> 00:46:54.000
He is faithful.

894
00:46:54.440 --> 00:46:56.640
He won't take orders from us.

895
00:46:56.640 --> 00:46:58.640
He know we don't have no good sense.

896
00:46:58.640 --> 00:46:59.480
I know.

897
00:47:01.520 --> 00:47:04.280
I often tell this and this is true.

898
00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:06.360
The man that I would have chosen three months ago,

899
00:47:06.360 --> 00:47:08.160
I wouldn't choose today.

900
00:47:08.160 --> 00:47:10.000
And the man that I would have chose six months ago,

901
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:11.320
I wouldn't choose today.

902
00:47:11.320 --> 00:47:13.160
And a year ago, I wouldn't choose today.

903
00:47:13.160 --> 00:47:14.200
This is true.

904
00:47:15.480 --> 00:47:18.520
Because the Lord keeps accelerating my life

905
00:47:18.520 --> 00:47:21.720
and growing me in places and developing me.

906
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:23.000
That when I look in the mirror,

907
00:47:23.000 --> 00:47:25.640
I oftentimes say, who is this woman?

908
00:47:28.560 --> 00:47:30.320
One time I could see in the spirit,

909
00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:31.400
he looked at me and he laughed.

910
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:33.360
He said, wait till you see the plans

911
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:34.680
that I have on your life.

912
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:37.160
He wasn't talking about no car.

913
00:47:37.160 --> 00:47:38.360
He wasn't talking about no house.

914
00:47:38.360 --> 00:47:40.600
He's talking about the design of me,

915
00:47:40.600 --> 00:47:43.680
how he made me, what's on the inside of me,

916
00:47:43.680 --> 00:47:47.440
waiting to be uncovered that he wants to birth out of me.

917
00:47:47.440 --> 00:47:49.040
And when God looks at you, he says,

918
00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:53.160
oh, wait till Linda sees how I made her.

919
00:47:53.160 --> 00:47:56.640
Oh, wait till she see that the best is yet to come.

920
00:47:56.640 --> 00:47:59.960
That the great, that the, what is it?

921
00:47:59.960 --> 00:48:02.520
That the latter day should be greater than the former.

922
00:48:02.520 --> 00:48:04.400
Just wait till Trina sees.

923
00:48:04.400 --> 00:48:07.520
Wait till Trina sees what I'm doing on the inside of her.

924
00:48:07.520 --> 00:48:10.520
Oh, she won't believe this woman.

925
00:48:10.520 --> 00:48:13.400
She won't believe how she's able to make the decision

926
00:48:13.400 --> 00:48:15.360
she makes and do the thing that she does.

927
00:48:15.360 --> 00:48:18.560
Oh, wait, wait till Amos sees how her cup

928
00:48:18.560 --> 00:48:20.480
is gonna be overfilled with joy.

929
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:22.040
She didn't expect this to happen,

930
00:48:22.040 --> 00:48:26.440
but oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, just wait till Daisy sees

931
00:48:26.440 --> 00:48:30.400
that I haven't forgotten about her and that I am faithful.

932
00:48:30.400 --> 00:48:32.880
Oh, wait, wait till they see.

933
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:34.240
That's our God.

934
00:48:34.240 --> 00:48:36.080
The Bible says that he sits in the heaven

935
00:48:36.080 --> 00:48:38.280
and he laughs at the plans of the enemy.

936
00:48:39.160 --> 00:48:40.560
Listen, you're so defended,

937
00:48:40.560 --> 00:48:43.760
your God laughs at the plans of the enemy.

938
00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:48.480
And he is a faithful God.

939
00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:50.480
And so I'm gonna stop right now

940
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:53.360
and I want us to take the next 25 minutes

941
00:48:53.360 --> 00:48:56.720
and I want us to ask what questions we have.

942
00:48:58.160 --> 00:49:00.680
And I'm gonna let the Holy Spirit lead us

943
00:49:00.680 --> 00:49:02.360
in discovering what he wants to share

944
00:49:02.360 --> 00:49:06.000
with your heart on tonight through your questions.

945
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:07.760
So you just go for it.

946
00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:18.440
Are you trying to put your hand up Daisy or do a thumb?

947
00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:21.240
Okay, Daisy and then Sarah, she can't raise her hand.

948
00:49:21.240 --> 00:49:24.040
So you're gonna be next Sarah and then Kim, I see.

949
00:49:24.040 --> 00:49:26.640
So I'm gonna write this down, Daisy and Sarah.

950
00:49:26.640 --> 00:49:27.960
Hey, everybody.

951
00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:35.760
So I have a question regarding my reluctance,

952
00:49:36.720 --> 00:49:41.440
I guess, to find people on the app

953
00:49:41.440 --> 00:49:45.040
that are further than an hour away from me.

954
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:47.320
Oh, yeah.

955
00:49:47.320 --> 00:49:49.520
I just, I felt like at the beginning

956
00:49:49.520 --> 00:49:51.160
when I first started dating,

957
00:49:51.160 --> 00:49:53.960
like I didn't know how much capacity

958
00:49:53.960 --> 00:49:57.080
I would have to begin with, with teaching and all that.

959
00:49:57.080 --> 00:50:00.080
And so I,

960
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.700
I'm glad that I'm able to keep the relationship that I have right now, which is eight

961
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:08.360
eight weeks so far and

962
00:50:09.040 --> 00:50:12.280
He lives about 55 miles away from me

963
00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:19.120
So we've been I'm pretty sure that I've already gotten to the seventh date

964
00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:23.640
Mark, but I didn't want to leave this this

965
00:50:23.640 --> 00:50:28.680
Coaching night deal, but in the other day, I don't remember what it was

966
00:50:28.680 --> 00:50:32.000
But I said in the chat like I want to stay here. I think it was last Tuesday

967
00:50:32.000 --> 00:50:35.360
I want to stay here, but then later I was like, you know

968
00:50:36.120 --> 00:50:41.320
God, I really don't want to stay in phase two. Like I do want to move through the program, but I'm just gonna miss

969
00:50:41.880 --> 00:50:46.880
Ebony and the people that I've gotten to here in this part of the face, but um

970
00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:50.200
But I just wanted to get your thoughts on

971
00:50:50.200 --> 00:50:55.080
You think it how big of a deal do you think it is that I I haven't really

972
00:50:55.600 --> 00:50:59.680
Dated anybody else. I've only focused on this one gentleman and

973
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:01.800
he's

974
00:51:01.800 --> 00:51:03.800
there's a couple of things that kind of

975
00:51:04.360 --> 00:51:05.880
make me

976
00:51:05.880 --> 00:51:07.880
question whether

977
00:51:08.080 --> 00:51:12.480
You know, I mean, it's still yes like it said, you know, you guys say it's a yes until it's a no

978
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:17.000
So it's it's still been a yes and there's a lot of great things a lot of great qualities

979
00:51:17.000 --> 00:51:22.120
He has he has kept my boundaries that I've requested of him

980
00:51:23.560 --> 00:51:29.720
So there's a lot of things. It's just like a couple things that I'm just kind of like waiting I guess to see

981
00:51:31.880 --> 00:51:35.000
If I if I feel comfortable enough to just keep going

982
00:51:36.040 --> 00:51:41.960
But my bigger thing is like I said, how big of a deal do you think it is that I haven't given a chance to meet?

983
00:51:41.960 --> 00:51:47.000
Other people and date other people just simply because I don't think I would have the energy to

984
00:51:47.720 --> 00:51:52.840
Even think about like driving farther than an hour to to meet up with people

985
00:51:55.080 --> 00:52:02.360
Right, so, you know some people date multiples at one time some people don't have the capacity for that

986
00:52:03.080 --> 00:52:07.960
And so I don't I don't want to ever say that it's something wrong with focusing on one person

987
00:52:08.360 --> 00:52:13.720
Now a strategy that is helpful for a person who is anxiously attached is to talk to more than one person

988
00:52:14.440 --> 00:52:18.600
When you're dating if you get you know, you have an anxious attachment style

989
00:52:19.160 --> 00:52:21.160
And you're growing through that

990
00:52:22.680 --> 00:52:24.040
That's

991
00:52:24.040 --> 00:52:26.040
In your dating. Oh

992
00:52:26.200 --> 00:52:32.280
That could be nerve-wracking on your nervous system. And so I found that if you talk to more than one person it brings balance

993
00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:37.160
But if you're saying like look, I don't have the capacity today. I'm gonna see what's happening with this and i'm gonna go with it

994
00:52:37.320 --> 00:52:40.680
There's nothing wrong with it. Um, I used to

995
00:52:41.560 --> 00:52:44.120
Will be able to cycle three men at a time

996
00:52:44.680 --> 00:52:49.400
One rides to the top one middle one falls out. I'll pull in another one. Uh, I

997
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:51.640
You know

998
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:56.920
I'm 43. I think I oh I can't do that. No, I don't have the capacity for it with my own life

999
00:52:56.920 --> 00:53:02.120
I'm 43. I think I oh I can't do that. No, I don't have the capacity for it with my own life

1000
00:53:02.440 --> 00:53:07.960
It's like let's see what's happening with what's in front of me. Let me pace. Let me practice

1001
00:53:08.040 --> 00:53:08.600
You know what i'm saying?

1002
00:53:08.600 --> 00:53:11.800
So early on in dating you can run dates like that

1003
00:53:12.040 --> 00:53:12.680
Which is fine

1004
00:53:12.680 --> 00:53:15.880
You can keep doing as long as you want because somebody's gonna naturally rise

1005
00:53:16.200 --> 00:53:20.520
Somebody's gonna fall you're gonna naturally give more time to one than you would to somebody else

1006
00:53:20.680 --> 00:53:25.960
But i'm just adding that for coaching in general for everyone not saying you're asking that but I don't think

1007
00:53:26.360 --> 00:53:29.960
What i'm saying is there's nothing wrong with your decision. It's your decision

1008
00:53:31.240 --> 00:53:34.520
There's not you know, there's not a right and wrong what i'm saying in there

1009
00:53:35.080 --> 00:53:36.680
and

1010
00:53:36.680 --> 00:53:38.680
I don't think one is better than the other

1011
00:53:40.120 --> 00:53:41.400
Um

1012
00:53:41.400 --> 00:53:48.600
I like that you've paced I like that you're able to see him fully that you're able to recognize I gotta sneeze but it won't come

1013
00:53:51.560 --> 00:53:53.560
Sneeze

1014
00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:56.440
Um and so

1015
00:53:57.080 --> 00:53:59.320
Do you want to share the two things you're concerned about?

1016
00:54:00.360 --> 00:54:03.560
Sure, you don't have to if you don't yeah. No, I don't mind. Um

1017
00:54:04.360 --> 00:54:06.360
one thing is that

1018
00:54:07.160 --> 00:54:10.280
I don't know how much of the word he knows

1019
00:54:11.080 --> 00:54:12.520
um

1020
00:54:12.520 --> 00:54:17.960
I brought up because we we ask each other questions and uh, we've tried to keep to

1021
00:54:18.920 --> 00:54:23.560
The type of questions that are appropriate for the you know, how long we've been knowing each other and

1022
00:54:24.280 --> 00:54:25.960
um because

1023
00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:28.040
whatever i've learned from here, I just kind of

1024
00:54:28.760 --> 00:54:31.720
Bring it and try try to just bring it into that

1025
00:54:31.720 --> 00:54:38.680
So he he's following my lead on those things as far as what's appropriate to talk about right now and what's not and um

1026
00:54:39.800 --> 00:54:41.320
so

1027
00:54:41.320 --> 00:54:43.320
As we've gotten to know each other more

1028
00:54:44.360 --> 00:54:46.360
We we start to ask

1029
00:54:46.440 --> 00:54:49.960
Deeper types of questions regarding like, um, you know, just

1030
00:54:51.560 --> 00:54:54.840
Favorite scriptures or you know, just stuff like that sharing about

1031
00:54:55.800 --> 00:54:59.820
Things that mean a lot to us in the bible and what we're learning and stuff like that. Um

1032
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:15.000
And I can remember a couple of times that I've started sharing something that I learned recently or just like a revelation of what are the scriptures and I and I like start really excitedly talking about it.

1033
00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:22.000
And I can tell you, you know, you can tell when someone's not really familiar with it with with the passage or the scripture.

1034
00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:27.000
So I I didn't make a big deal out of it, but it's happened a couple of times.

1035
00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:33.000
And so it just makes me wonder, like, when you know how much he says he reads, he prays every day.

1036
00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:37.000
But it just makes me wonder, like, how much do you really know?

1037
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:49.000
Because I personally grew up in church, but it took me many, many, many years to to really start understanding the Bible and and really be hungry for it.

1038
00:55:49.000 --> 00:55:53.000
So that's that's one thing.

1039
00:55:53.000 --> 00:56:05.000
The other thing is that he he drinks, he drinks socially and he's he has like a leadership position in his job.

1040
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:12.000
And so he has a team of guys under him and he he puts on like barbecues and things like that.

1041
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:17.000
And so he always gets beer and whatnot for the for the guys.

1042
00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:26.000
But he also, you know, not during those times, but when he's with family and stuff, he's told me that he does like to drink.

1043
00:56:26.000 --> 00:56:34.000
So that's something that I've never really been a big fan of it myself, but I used to do it here and there just to try to fit in sometimes.

1044
00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:39.000
But now I'm just kind of like, I don't I don't need to try to be fitting in with anybody at this age.

1045
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:42.000
So I'm just like, I don't want to drink.

1046
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:45.000
And I've told him that he's fine with that.

1047
00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:51.000
But for me, it's kind of like it is just a little bother, you know, about that.

1048
00:56:51.000 --> 00:56:55.000
Yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

1049
00:56:55.000 --> 00:57:07.000
So first thing about his spiritual growth is the question that is more core than how much he knows in Scripture, which you had a place where you need to talk about these things.

1050
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:12.000
You can just act like, hey, what what is your relationship with Scripture?

1051
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:15.000
And if you had to measure yourself, you know, what would you measure yourself?

1052
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:21.000
You know, so what you want to know more so than anything, is he committed to a righteous lifestyle?

1053
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:25.000
Is he committed to a relationship with the Lord?

1054
00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:39.000
OK, because there are seasons where I read my word more than other seasons, which shouldn't be, but I'm working hard to develop a consistent lifestyle of reading the word.

1055
00:57:39.000 --> 00:57:48.000
Right. And so then there are times. And so one of the things for me is I understand, especially if the word is your jam, I'm very much that way about prayer.

1056
00:57:48.000 --> 00:57:54.000
But I had to have to learn that every every person is not my priesthood or my ordination.

1057
00:57:54.000 --> 00:57:58.000
Everybody should be praying because that is you're a believer, right?

1058
00:57:58.000 --> 00:58:03.000
If you're a believer in Christ, it's one of our disciplines is how we communicate.

1059
00:58:03.000 --> 00:58:08.000
But I can't measure someone to my prayer life.

1060
00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:17.000
And so if it's important that he has a word like that can develop for him on his timing.

1061
00:58:17.000 --> 00:58:23.000
But what you want to know more than anything, is he committed to a relationship with the Lord?

1062
00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:28.000
Yeah. I mean, I've gathered that he is. And so, yeah, that's most important.

1063
00:58:28.000 --> 00:58:36.000
And so then you could just ask him about his relationship with the word and under the right teachings.

1064
00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:43.000
If you think is he teachable, like those are more core, like is he teachable? Not you being his teacher.

1065
00:58:43.000 --> 00:58:50.000
But if you are an avid reader of scripture, at some point, it may in a relationship could rub off on him.

1066
00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:54.000
It could not rub off on him. I'm just saying. And so that's the thing.

1067
00:58:54.000 --> 00:59:04.000
And the thing about him drinking, it kind of is you want to make a decision if you're just going to accept it or not, because he could lighten up for you.

1068
00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:14.000
But. How long is lightening up for you going to last unless he lightens up for the sake of this thing, he could do it.

1069
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:20.000
He could say, I feel better now that I don't drink. So that's the thing that happens also.

1070
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:25.000
Well, he as you grow in marriage, you feel like you really don't like it. He wants to honor you.

1071
00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:28.000
He could do that. Those are good.

1072
00:59:28.000 --> 00:59:36.000
But it's better to see a person where they are, who he shows you he is and say, am I willing to accept this or not?

1073
00:59:36.000 --> 00:59:48.000
Does the good like if he's not a drunk? Do all these other things outweigh that? Is it really social? Right.

1074
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:51.000
Yeah, no, that's good. That makes a lot of sense.

1075
00:59:51.000 --> 01:00:00.000
I think that's why I've continued. That's why it keeps being a yes, because I do I do sense and he just.

1076
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.880
Um, he shows that he's teachable, that he's very humble and he's said many times if there's something that um,

1077
01:00:08.480 --> 01:00:10.000
that um

1078
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:12.320
Like I don't want things to be pleasant just for me

1079
01:00:12.560 --> 01:00:18.320
And if they're not pleasant for you, like I you need to just let me know something you don't like something or whatever and i'll

1080
01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:21.840
Hope on it. So he says stuff like that and um

1081
01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:24.720
just the thing about being a reader I I am a

1082
01:00:25.280 --> 01:00:27.280
a big time reader and

1083
01:00:27.760 --> 01:00:29.120
he um

1084
01:00:29.120 --> 01:00:33.120
He said that's one of the things he's been wanting to get better at anyway, and so he's already

1085
01:00:33.760 --> 01:00:36.160
He has already started to read more. Um

1086
01:00:36.960 --> 01:00:39.200
in fact, I give him a a little book that

1087
01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:44.160
for his birthday, I gave him a little book so plus some other stuff, but

1088
01:00:44.960 --> 01:00:48.800
He said he was he was reading it and he was really happy about that. So yeah

1089
01:00:50.080 --> 01:00:54.960
I'm grateful. I'm, i'm really grateful for this. Um, you know just this experience

1090
01:00:55.600 --> 01:01:00.320
Because it's it's really helped me this whole program and the pacing of it

1091
01:01:00.800 --> 01:01:04.240
I really understand it now like I get why you have to just

1092
01:01:04.640 --> 01:01:09.440
Give it time and watch the person and observe what happens what what they do and what they say

1093
01:01:09.920 --> 01:01:12.160
um, it really makes a lot of sense and it's been

1094
01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:14.960
It's been so helpful for me

1095
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:17.840
That's good. Daisy. I'm happy for you

1096
01:01:18.400 --> 01:01:22.560
and one other you know as we move to the next person one other thing I know can grip as a

1097
01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:26.880
As a potential fear is like could I meet my person the first time I date?

1098
01:01:27.280 --> 01:01:32.160
Like that may be another underlining thing when you say like am I I haven't dated anybody else. Is this okay?

1099
01:01:32.560 --> 01:01:36.240
So that could be some of what you're thinking too. Like could this be?

1100
01:01:36.880 --> 01:01:42.880
And when that comes up, I want you to respond like yes, it could be and no it could not be

1101
01:01:43.040 --> 01:01:47.200
I don't know because I don't have to make that decision. My guy is my certainty

1102
01:01:48.080 --> 01:01:52.320
And so you don't have to like shy away from the thought just deal with the thought

1103
01:01:53.520 --> 01:01:57.840
Could be could be not. I don't know person who knows what to say. It's my father

1104
01:01:58.240 --> 01:02:01.920
He has to say so and so right now i'm going to enjoy this journey

1105
01:02:03.520 --> 01:02:06.000
Yeah, that's a lot of growth to be able to say something like that

1106
01:02:06.880 --> 01:02:08.880
Well, it's safe though

1107
01:02:09.040 --> 01:02:11.840
Because other than that you're tormented with the thought

1108
01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:17.520
No, I mean it's good. Yeah, I know just know but i'm saying I don't I don't say it out of growth

1109
01:02:17.600 --> 01:02:19.600
I literally do it out of safety

1110
01:02:20.160 --> 01:02:25.680
Because if I don't i'll keep turning this thing over and over as if I could answer it

1111
01:02:26.960 --> 01:02:32.400
I simply can't but for some reason my brain thinks if he thinks about it long enough, it'll figure it out

1112
01:02:33.680 --> 01:02:34.880
It won't

1113
01:02:34.880 --> 01:02:38.000
And so that's all i'm saying. I'm not I don't think you think it's i'm just saying

1114
01:02:38.240 --> 01:02:41.520
It's not even out of growth that I do it. I literally do it out of safety

1115
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:44.480
for every mostly everything

1116
01:02:45.680 --> 01:02:48.480
Pretty much that's my line. That's my saving line

1117
01:02:49.920 --> 01:02:52.080
It makes a lot of sense it goes along with the whole

1118
01:02:52.640 --> 01:02:54.000
Jesus cares

1119
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:55.360
Board, right?

1120
01:02:55.360 --> 01:03:00.480
Give it to him leave it there or give it back like you were saying earlier. Just give it back if he starts to take it

1121
01:03:01.680 --> 01:03:02.960
Yeah, yeah

1122
01:03:02.960 --> 01:03:04.960
Okay. Thank you so much

1123
01:03:05.040 --> 01:03:07.040
Yes, very helpful always

1124
01:03:07.520 --> 01:03:09.360
Yeah, you're welcome

1125
01:03:09.360 --> 01:03:10.720
sarah

1126
01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:12.720
What is sarah? Oh, all right

1127
01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:14.800
Thank you. Hi ebony. Hi everybody

1128
01:03:15.120 --> 01:03:19.920
Um, I have not been good about getting online but i'm in regards to like

1129
01:03:20.540 --> 01:03:25.920
texting messaging what's going on, but i'm glad to be able to come to the group and share and

1130
01:03:26.960 --> 01:03:32.000
Get feedback and all that insight. Yeah, but um just wanted to update about ice cream guy

1131
01:03:33.120 --> 01:03:36.240
Remember I talked to me. Our first date was ice cream

1132
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:39.440
And um our our only date so far has been ice cream

1133
01:03:39.520 --> 01:03:42.880
It was gonna be hamburgers for the second one, but he hasn't followed up yet

1134
01:03:42.960 --> 01:03:45.120
So and that's part of the why i'm touching bases

1135
01:03:45.680 --> 01:03:51.120
Um, so he was also the guy that I had asked you about and I also touched base with carla one, uh, tuesday as well

1136
01:03:51.680 --> 01:03:53.680
um about like

1137
01:03:54.720 --> 01:03:56.720
He's I don't think he's a christian

1138
01:03:56.880 --> 01:04:01.440
Should I mention something to him along those lines like hey i'm actually looking so I did do that

1139
01:04:02.240 --> 01:04:04.720
And then he pushed back which was very interesting

1140
01:04:04.880 --> 01:04:09.360
I wasn't expecting him to push back and he's like no, you know, god has done miracles in my life

1141
01:04:09.920 --> 01:04:12.160
Um, and I was like well I am looking for somebody, you know

1142
01:04:12.160 --> 01:04:15.360
Who has like a personal relationship with him and is walking with him daily?

1143
01:04:15.440 --> 01:04:18.080
And so he he kind of pushed back and I was like, okay

1144
01:04:18.080 --> 01:04:24.320
Well, then let's continue, you know, seeing what what we have, you know, it can develop that kind of thing

1145
01:04:24.720 --> 01:04:30.400
so, um, but I think it changed between us and I think he kind of something in him changed and he kind of

1146
01:04:31.360 --> 01:04:34.640
After that conversation the next time we talked he's like, okay

1147
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:37.120
We talked in the morning. He's like, okay call me tonight

1148
01:04:37.360 --> 01:04:41.280
And then I kind of was like well in my mind I was like we just talked today i'm gonna

1149
01:04:41.520 --> 01:04:45.120
I'll I texted I was like i'll call you another day. So I called him like wednesday

1150
01:04:45.200 --> 01:04:47.200
It was monday when we talked I called him wednesday

1151
01:04:47.760 --> 01:04:49.760
and then he

1152
01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:55.520
Kind of nothing like not really not much nothing and he never he hasn't followed up with me about the hamburger date

1153
01:04:56.080 --> 01:04:58.080
and he um

1154
01:04:58.320 --> 01:05:00.320
And then I called him saturday of that

1155
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.320
week and it just feels like he's kind of different towards me kind of cooled off

1156
01:05:04.320 --> 01:05:09.240
so I'm like oh and now I'm regretting that I did that but at the same time I'm

1157
01:05:09.240 --> 01:05:15.520
like maybe it was good because I don't know maybe just to see if you know if he

1158
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:19.560
is still interested in me genuinely or not but I guess I'm really I'm kind of

1159
01:05:19.560 --> 01:05:22.840
I'm disappointed that he's not still interested in me like he was because he

1160
01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:27.720
was really it felt good he was pursuing me and you know and I really appreciate

1161
01:05:27.720 --> 01:05:35.720
I liked it oh so I guess I'm I for me I had to actually delete his number off of

1162
01:05:35.720 --> 01:05:39.720
I have an app that it's called text now and I had to delete it because otherwise

1163
01:05:39.720 --> 01:05:43.360
I will go back and I'll be like trying to bring him back you know and I'm like

1164
01:05:43.360 --> 01:05:47.360
no I don't want to do that so I'm just like praying and I'm just like Lord if

1165
01:05:47.360 --> 01:05:53.640
he's for me let him follow up with you me on the the hamburger date because he

1166
01:05:53.640 --> 01:05:57.240
did say like one time we talked and he's like he's like okay I got three

1167
01:05:57.240 --> 01:06:01.080
hamburger places right and then the next time we talked he's like oh yeah I

1168
01:06:01.080 --> 01:06:03.240
still got to figure out where we're gonna go for the hamburger and it was

1169
01:06:03.240 --> 01:06:12.080
like oh you're digressing yeah yeah so I guess I'm just I guess my question is do

1170
01:06:12.080 --> 01:06:16.240
I just let it be what it is and not try to pursue him because I've already now

1171
01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:22.360
twice I called him on Wednesday I called him on a Saturday and I'm like I don't

1172
01:06:22.360 --> 01:06:26.960
want to be the pursuer per se you know and I so I guess I'm like do I just if

1173
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:31.520
now the balls in his court right because he had said hamburgers and just let that

1174
01:06:31.520 --> 01:06:38.120
be if it happens great and if it doesn't you know he's not for me yeah so do you

1175
01:06:38.120 --> 01:06:41.080
are you thinking that something happened when you asked him about being a

1176
01:06:41.080 --> 01:06:47.000
believer or when you when he asked you to call him later on you didn't do it

1177
01:06:47.000 --> 01:06:51.120
then you skip the whole day and then call the next day right I think it was

1178
01:06:51.120 --> 01:06:56.560
more the believer conversation hmm oh so your pattern with him has always been

1179
01:06:56.560 --> 01:07:02.480
talk every other day um it's not like every day no it's not an everyday but

1180
01:07:02.480 --> 01:07:05.800
it's yeah probably every other day and I'm trying to pace I mean I wanted to

1181
01:07:05.800 --> 01:07:13.960
call him but then I was like oh I want to pace because like yeah yeah um well

1182
01:07:13.960 --> 01:07:20.720
if he's used to that pattern with you then I wouldn't say that but he seemed

1183
01:07:20.720 --> 01:07:24.360
like when you talked to him Monday he was like call me later so I can't say

1184
01:07:24.360 --> 01:07:31.000
that it was the conversation about Christianity but what I can add one more

1185
01:07:31.000 --> 01:07:37.440
thing he was he was drunk I believe on Wednesday so talking about the drinking

1186
01:07:37.440 --> 01:07:41.040
thing was interesting I was like oh yeah cuz he even said he's like yeah I had a

1187
01:07:41.040 --> 01:07:44.840
beer with like my dinner but he definitely was a different person it

1188
01:07:44.840 --> 01:07:50.000
felt like from whom I have talked to and so I was like oh so this is maybe drunk

1189
01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:59.680
drunk ice cream guy drunk ice cream hamburger eating man listen listen um

1190
01:07:59.680 --> 01:08:07.640
yeah you've reached out to him just leave it alone okay yeah if you want to

1191
01:08:07.640 --> 01:08:11.000
say anything you can just say hey I'm still down for the hamburger whenever

1192
01:08:11.000 --> 01:08:16.880
you want it okay so he answered for you Wednesday me it wasn't a blank call he

1193
01:08:16.880 --> 01:08:24.520
answered he did answer we did talk okay so when is the last time you reached out

1194
01:08:24.520 --> 01:08:29.399
and he didn't you didn't talk well and then I and then I called Saturday and he

1195
01:08:29.399 --> 01:08:37.000
answered and we talked so I miss him I miss him reaching out to me oh you're

1196
01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:42.479
saying he's not reaching I'm like I'm confused the way you talk that's what it

1197
01:08:42.479 --> 01:08:48.040
is so okay I miss being pursued he was pursuing me and oh well you can always

1198
01:08:48.040 --> 01:08:52.760
send a message that says still waiting on that hamburger and I like it when you

1199
01:08:52.760 --> 01:09:00.200
call me so okay give me a call sometime okay so put it put it kind of put it

1200
01:09:00.200 --> 01:09:21.880
that way okay that sounds good I love the idea I'm gonna do that because I I

1201
01:09:21.880 --> 01:09:26.800
admit that I am kind of disappointed and there were he was he is like those

1202
01:09:26.800 --> 01:09:34.279
three things I think he is masculine mature I think pretty sure he's pretty

1203
01:09:34.279 --> 01:09:37.760
mature yeah and then marriage minded I think he is because he was married

1204
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:43.399
before for a couple years and so I don't know I like him he sends out to me and I

1205
01:09:43.399 --> 01:09:47.960
have done like the so Daisy I have done like the dating talking to a lot of guys

1206
01:09:47.960 --> 01:09:52.399
at once and it is exhausting and I mean I'm just like oh man I think I think

1207
01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:57.640
that's wonderful if you do come across somebody who is interested in and

1208
01:09:57.640 --> 01:10:01.840
purposeful and all of that because it does

1209
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.640
really good but it can be really exhausting kind of just talking to several guys at once like oh

1210
01:10:06.160 --> 01:10:12.160
yeah so yeah so send them that little flirtatious message say i'm waiting on that hamburger and

1211
01:10:13.040 --> 01:10:18.240
i really like it when you call me okay i'm gonna do it they do that sometime soon

1212
01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:23.280
okay thank you for the advice appreciate it you're welcome all right kim

1213
01:10:23.280 --> 01:10:30.080
hey kim hey sorry i'm this is the first time i've done this so

1214
01:10:32.320 --> 01:10:36.880
trying to figure out i think a lot of what you shared with daisy was really applicable but i'll

1215
01:10:36.880 --> 01:10:43.920
just share with them yeah i have so just a little background i have been divorced for eight years

1216
01:10:43.920 --> 01:10:48.800
and i've not dated at all in that time period and so this is my first time kind of putting myself

1217
01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:59.120
out there um so i got on a dating app about a month ago and um the past three weeks i've been

1218
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:03.120
talking with one guy i think i'm like daisy i can only focus on one i don't think i have the capacity

1219
01:11:03.120 --> 01:11:08.480
to be able to do more than that so but it's been really good so i've learned a lot about myself i

1220
01:11:08.480 --> 01:11:11.840
love how you've talked about discovery dating and learning about yourself in it because i've learned

1221
01:11:12.640 --> 01:11:15.760
so much some good things and some bad things and things that still need work

1222
01:11:16.320 --> 01:11:22.720
like um i realized that i'm learning how to converse better i mean it sounds really simple

1223
01:11:22.720 --> 01:11:27.520
but it's kind of i'm realizing it's crossing over into all my other relationships like my

1224
01:11:27.520 --> 01:11:30.080
it's talking with so i've been talking with the same guy for three weeks now

1225
01:11:30.880 --> 01:11:37.120
um just through the app and um but i'm learning so much i'm getting more comfortable i guess with

1226
01:11:37.120 --> 01:11:41.760
i'm a little bit more reserved and shy and so i'm just getting so much more comfortable and it's

1227
01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:45.520
been so much better even at school with my students and relationship-wise with my

1228
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:49.120
so anyways that's been really encouraging i'm like okay god thank you for helping me with this

1229
01:11:49.840 --> 01:11:55.600
um but the other thing it's showing me and i know i dealt with a lot of this and the heartwork just

1230
01:11:55.600 --> 01:12:03.760
with um some rejection issues and um and i know that there's lots of layers like um when i was

1231
01:12:03.760 --> 01:12:08.960
doing the heartwork the lord gave me a dream that he was had to peel or scrape away layers so that i

1232
01:12:08.960 --> 01:12:17.280
can be anchored in him and then have fun with this sorry um so i know there's still more layers

1233
01:12:17.280 --> 01:12:22.000
to go and so one of those layers is i realized well i realized this when i was talking with this

1234
01:12:22.000 --> 01:12:27.120
guy that i anticipate rejection does that make sense like i like i anticipate that he's going

1235
01:12:27.120 --> 01:12:34.000
to reject me so but he's been so consistent like he doesn't he's consistently will text back and

1236
01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:38.000
he'll tell me like hey i'm really busy i'm not gonna get back to you until the end of the day

1237
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:43.760
so it's like he gives me assurance that he's not he's going to be consistent but yet i still like

1238
01:12:43.760 --> 01:12:47.840
today it was a little bit longer than when he was going to come back and i was like what did i say

1239
01:12:47.840 --> 01:12:53.840
like i start questioning myself and so i'm like how do i i'm sick of that i just want to not do

1240
01:12:53.840 --> 01:12:59.680
that anymore how do i yeah i just trying to figure out how to keep myself i'm doing i think what you

1241
01:12:59.680 --> 01:13:05.360
said about the whole this could be my person this could not be my person is a good thinking um

1242
01:13:06.240 --> 01:13:10.080
i'm trying to tell myself look at it more like do i like him and stop worrying about

1243
01:13:10.080 --> 01:13:13.760
if he likes me or if he's going to reject me so things like that but i'm still struggling

1244
01:13:14.960 --> 01:13:24.160
yeah um that's how that's a struggle uh spot for most people um i would raise my hand for that

1245
01:13:24.160 --> 01:13:30.400
you know it's just that when a person has a rhythm and that rhythm breaks a little bit

1246
01:13:30.400 --> 01:13:36.640
you'll be like whoa whoa whoa whoa especially if you found yourself starting to trust or believe

1247
01:13:36.640 --> 01:13:42.400
something about them um one thing that you say y'all are still just messaging in the app

1248
01:13:42.960 --> 01:13:51.040
yeah it will be good to go ahead and probably do like a zoom call you want to transition um you're

1249
01:13:51.040 --> 01:13:54.800
going to get to a point where there's not going to happen so easily or you're going to become

1250
01:13:54.800 --> 01:13:59.280
used to what you're doing right i feel like you're getting there like do i wait for him

1251
01:13:59.280 --> 01:14:05.600
to do that or can i at this point you're gonna have to at this point you've overstayed this the

1252
01:14:05.600 --> 01:14:12.640
welcome so now you're gonna have to do it it comes in real subtle but you're gonna get used

1253
01:14:12.640 --> 01:14:16.240
to talking to him that way and you're gonna hear his voice and feel like you don't you don't even

1254
01:14:16.240 --> 01:14:22.400
know him at all so this this is we can talk to a person a lot we can facetime them a lot

1255
01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:28.400
but you don't really know a person until you meet them right and then what happens is you start to

1256
01:14:28.400 --> 01:14:33.280
get nervous about meeting them whereas you do it quickly you're nervous but not the same but if you

1257
01:14:33.280 --> 01:14:38.000
go a long time talking getting to know them something you believe you know them so you can't

1258
01:14:38.000 --> 01:14:43.200
associate why you're so nervous about meeting them because you don't know them right so you're

1259
01:14:43.200 --> 01:14:47.680
trying to pull both of these words together and they don't mix and so you don't want to spend so

1260
01:14:47.680 --> 01:14:52.160
much heavy time on the top end just talking talking talking talking talking talking talking

1261
01:14:52.160 --> 01:14:59.200
and never meeting them okay unless circumstances force you to do that and then even then pace

1262
01:14:59.200 --> 01:14:59.840
yourself

1263
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.240
Because the more you talk, the more you share.

1264
01:15:03.240 --> 01:15:05.720
And that means you've invested more emotionally.

1265
01:15:05.720 --> 01:15:07.220
Because at some point, you're going

1266
01:15:07.220 --> 01:15:08.760
to start talking about other things.

1267
01:15:08.760 --> 01:15:09.880
It's just the way it goes.

1268
01:15:09.880 --> 01:15:12.680
If all you talked about was what happened on the news today,

1269
01:15:12.680 --> 01:15:16.440
trust me, you wouldn't be worried about rejection.

1270
01:15:16.440 --> 01:15:18.320
Because you don't have any skin in the game.

1271
01:15:18.320 --> 01:15:20.600
You've put nothing in.

1272
01:15:20.600 --> 01:15:21.560
That make sense?

1273
01:15:21.560 --> 01:15:25.200
So you become used to conversating with this person.

1274
01:15:25.200 --> 01:15:29.560
So that means you've given them some regularity in your life.

1275
01:15:29.560 --> 01:15:32.360
That's become a normal thing.

1276
01:15:32.360 --> 01:15:33.200
So that's one thing.

1277
01:15:33.200 --> 01:15:35.120
So I do want you to transition and say,

1278
01:15:35.120 --> 01:15:36.600
hey, it's been so much fun getting

1279
01:15:36.600 --> 01:15:38.160
to know you over the app.

1280
01:15:38.160 --> 01:15:41.480
But I would be interested in doing,

1281
01:15:41.480 --> 01:15:43.160
do y'all live in the same area?

1282
01:15:43.160 --> 01:15:46.080
Yeah, we live basically, he lives just one city over.

1283
01:15:46.080 --> 01:15:49.080
But it's kind of the same general area.

1284
01:15:49.080 --> 01:15:50.720
Probably less than 30 minutes apart.

1285
01:15:50.720 --> 01:15:51.360
OK, yeah.

1286
01:15:51.360 --> 01:15:54.360
So I'm interested in a phone call.

1287
01:15:54.360 --> 01:15:57.840
I'm interested in a FaceTime, if you want to do a FaceTime

1288
01:15:57.840 --> 01:15:59.040
or a Zoom call.

1289
01:15:59.040 --> 01:16:01.400
And I'm also interested in a coffee date.

1290
01:16:01.400 --> 01:16:03.040
Let me know your thoughts about this.

1291
01:16:03.040 --> 01:16:04.680
I want you to put all three of them.

1292
01:16:04.680 --> 01:16:05.960
OK.

1293
01:16:05.960 --> 01:16:08.440
Let me know your thoughts.

1294
01:16:08.440 --> 01:16:12.240
Once you say that, then now, he has the opportunity

1295
01:16:12.240 --> 01:16:15.560
to respond with what he wants to do.

1296
01:16:15.560 --> 01:16:16.320
OK?

1297
01:16:16.320 --> 01:16:19.760
But in all of this, we must have a phone conversation.

1298
01:16:19.760 --> 01:16:20.760
Like, this is a nothing.

1299
01:16:20.760 --> 01:16:23.560
So we got to talk, right?

1300
01:16:23.560 --> 01:16:25.960
So I would love to talk on the phone, getting to know you.

1301
01:16:25.960 --> 01:16:28.040
That's the first thing we need to do ASAP.

1302
01:16:28.040 --> 01:16:30.000
Because we've been talking long enough.

1303
01:16:30.000 --> 01:16:32.840
And then from there, I'm very much interested in a video

1304
01:16:32.840 --> 01:16:35.360
call on a coffee date.

1305
01:16:35.360 --> 01:16:36.680
Let me know your thoughts on what

1306
01:16:36.680 --> 01:16:39.760
this is and when we can plan to get on the phone

1307
01:16:39.760 --> 01:16:43.000
and better acquaint ourselves.

1308
01:16:43.000 --> 01:16:44.720
That's what I felt like I needed to do.

1309
01:16:44.720 --> 01:16:47.200
But I guess I've been a little scared, too.

1310
01:16:47.200 --> 01:16:47.720
But yeah.

1311
01:16:47.720 --> 01:16:48.360
Well, it's OK.

1312
01:16:48.360 --> 01:16:51.560
This is your first time dating since your marriage.

1313
01:16:51.560 --> 01:16:55.040
And so don't feel that.

1314
01:16:55.040 --> 01:16:57.680
I just want you to know, don't hold it

1315
01:16:57.720 --> 01:16:59.120
against yourself.

1316
01:16:59.120 --> 01:17:00.360
It's your process.

1317
01:17:00.360 --> 01:17:01.760
It's the journey.

1318
01:17:01.760 --> 01:17:05.400
And it's easy to kind of just text a person, right?

1319
01:17:05.400 --> 01:17:08.320
That's just an easy thing to do.

1320
01:17:08.320 --> 01:17:09.400
Right?

1321
01:17:09.400 --> 01:17:11.800
And so once you get on the phone with him,

1322
01:17:11.800 --> 01:17:13.920
that will provide you with a little more safety.

1323
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:17.120
You need to hear his voice.

1324
01:17:17.120 --> 01:17:19.480
Consistency over text is different than consistency

1325
01:17:19.480 --> 01:17:21.320
over phone, unless the person don't really

1326
01:17:21.320 --> 01:17:22.440
have time to talk a lot.

1327
01:17:22.440 --> 01:17:23.880
But once you get that phone call,

1328
01:17:23.880 --> 01:17:25.920
the next thing is you want to see him.

1329
01:17:25.920 --> 01:17:27.960
And then you want to meet up for coffee.

1330
01:17:27.960 --> 01:17:30.280
And you don't want to take a month doing this.

1331
01:17:30.280 --> 01:17:33.000
Let's get this text out to him.

1332
01:17:33.000 --> 01:17:34.400
And then in a day or so, you need

1333
01:17:34.400 --> 01:17:35.600
to be on the phone with him.

1334
01:17:35.600 --> 01:17:39.120
And then next week, you're going to coffee date.

1335
01:17:39.120 --> 01:17:39.880
Sounds good.

1336
01:17:39.880 --> 01:17:41.320
Thank you.

1337
01:17:41.320 --> 01:17:42.480
Have fun.

1338
01:17:42.480 --> 01:17:45.320
Oh, and so this thing about rejection, I'm sorry.

1339
01:17:45.320 --> 01:17:49.120
This thing about rejection, how do you abandon that fear?

1340
01:17:49.480 --> 01:17:54.480
It's when the thought comes, you actually deal with the thought.

1341
01:17:54.480 --> 01:17:59.160
Don't deny it, but say, OK, I know you.

1342
01:17:59.160 --> 01:18:00.920
You're a rejection.

1343
01:18:00.920 --> 01:18:05.600
And you've come to convince me that my identity is rejection.

1344
01:18:05.600 --> 01:18:07.760
But that's not who I am.

1345
01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:09.880
You literally open up your mouth and talk back

1346
01:18:09.880 --> 01:18:12.240
to the lies that speak to you.

1347
01:18:12.240 --> 01:18:13.920
And that's how you do it.

1348
01:18:13.920 --> 01:18:16.360
And you do it enough to be able to say,

1349
01:18:16.400 --> 01:18:18.080
and that's how you do it.

1350
01:18:18.080 --> 01:18:23.080
And you do it enough until the truth becomes your reality.

1351
01:18:23.080 --> 01:18:25.600
There's no different than the very thing

1352
01:18:25.600 --> 01:18:28.360
I practice in my own life.

1353
01:18:28.360 --> 01:18:30.840
See, rejected in life enough will start

1354
01:18:30.840 --> 01:18:32.640
to tell you something about you.

1355
01:18:32.640 --> 01:18:35.240
It'll try to speak an identity over you.

1356
01:18:35.240 --> 01:18:38.280
And so that's what I tell myself when it says, well, what if?

1357
01:18:38.280 --> 01:18:39.720
Yeah, what if?

1358
01:18:39.720 --> 01:18:40.440
That's true.

1359
01:18:40.440 --> 01:18:43.840
It could rain today, and it could not rain today.

1360
01:18:43.840 --> 01:18:45.200
Right.

1361
01:18:45.200 --> 01:18:46.640
These things are true.

1362
01:18:46.640 --> 01:18:49.400
But they won't determine how I operate.

1363
01:18:49.400 --> 01:18:51.360
It won't determine how I show up.

1364
01:18:51.360 --> 01:18:53.560
I will not live in fear to rejection.

1365
01:18:53.560 --> 01:18:56.320
Rejection, you will no longer keep me in prison.

1366
01:19:00.520 --> 01:19:02.040
And so you got to talk back.

1367
01:19:02.040 --> 01:19:02.880
Yeah.

1368
01:19:02.880 --> 01:19:03.400
That's good.

1369
01:19:03.400 --> 01:19:04.320
Thank you.

1370
01:19:04.320 --> 01:19:06.280
You're welcome, Kim.

1371
01:19:06.280 --> 01:19:07.160
All right, Rachel.

1372
01:19:07.360 --> 01:19:12.440
I think my question has probably already been answered,

1373
01:19:12.440 --> 01:19:18.520
because my question is, I'm talking to two guys, and-

1374
01:19:18.520 --> 01:19:19.040
Who?

1375
01:19:22.040 --> 01:19:24.160
You know, it wasn't just last week.

1376
01:19:24.160 --> 01:19:26.120
We was like, set up a profile two weeks ago.

1377
01:19:26.120 --> 01:19:27.400
I know.

1378
01:19:27.400 --> 01:19:31.800
And yeah, I went on a date with the one guy on Sunday,

1379
01:19:31.800 --> 01:19:33.960
and that went really well.

1380
01:19:33.960 --> 01:19:37.240
And so I'm still talking to him, and then

1381
01:19:37.240 --> 01:19:39.040
I started talking to another guy,

1382
01:19:39.040 --> 01:19:43.640
and I booked a date with him for this Sunday.

1383
01:19:43.640 --> 01:19:50.480
So but now I feel a little overwhelmed, and also,

1384
01:19:50.480 --> 01:19:53.120
I guess, uncomfortable, or it feels awkward

1385
01:19:53.120 --> 01:19:55.880
to be talking to two guys at the same time,

1386
01:19:55.880 --> 01:20:00.760
even though I'm not really sure what's going on with me.

1387
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
there's nothing physically going on or anything like that.

1388
01:20:07.680 --> 01:20:11.640
I mean, I'm just talking and getting to know these guys,

1389
01:20:11.640 --> 01:20:16.640
but it still feels a little uncomfortable inside like,

1390
01:20:21.240 --> 01:20:25.560
I don't know, because I am dating

1391
01:20:25.560 --> 01:20:26.980
for the purpose of marriage,

1392
01:20:26.980 --> 01:20:31.260
but it feels weird to be doing this

1393
01:20:31.260 --> 01:20:34.100
with you guys at the same time.

1394
01:20:34.100 --> 01:20:35.380
I know it's weird.

1395
01:20:35.380 --> 01:20:37.020
You date with intentionality,

1396
01:20:37.020 --> 01:20:39.340
right now you're dating for discovery.

1397
01:20:39.340 --> 01:20:40.540
Yes, yes.

1398
01:20:40.540 --> 01:20:41.820
You're an intentional dater

1399
01:20:41.820 --> 01:20:44.500
and you're dating for discovery right now.

1400
01:20:44.500 --> 01:20:47.460
And so because you're intentional about your life,

1401
01:20:47.460 --> 01:20:50.700
you are intentionally getting to know other people.

1402
01:20:50.700 --> 01:20:51.660
Okay.

1403
01:20:51.660 --> 01:20:52.540
Okay.

1404
01:20:52.540 --> 01:20:54.100
And it's gonna feel weird,

1405
01:20:54.100 --> 01:20:56.980
especially if it's something you've not done before,

1406
01:20:56.980 --> 01:20:59.060
but you have a date on the books

1407
01:20:59.060 --> 01:21:01.220
and I wanna encourage you to go.

1408
01:21:01.220 --> 01:21:04.060
Even if it's uncomfortable, it's okay.

1409
01:21:04.060 --> 01:21:06.100
That is uncomfortable.

1410
01:21:06.100 --> 01:21:06.940
Okay.

1411
01:21:06.940 --> 01:21:08.620
You can say this is uncomfortable,

1412
01:21:08.620 --> 01:21:10.780
but I'm going on this date.

1413
01:21:10.780 --> 01:21:12.740
Well, you also said that anxious,

1414
01:21:12.740 --> 01:21:15.100
it's good for anxious attachers

1415
01:21:15.100 --> 01:21:18.780
to be talking to more than one person.

1416
01:21:18.780 --> 01:21:22.020
And I'm definitely, that's definitely me.

1417
01:21:22.020 --> 01:21:24.580
And I can see that part

1418
01:21:24.580 --> 01:21:29.020
cause it keeps me from locking on to one person.

1419
01:21:29.020 --> 01:21:33.540
But I guess I just wanted affirmation

1420
01:21:33.540 --> 01:21:38.540
that I am doing this correctly and that it's okay.

1421
01:21:39.220 --> 01:21:45.220
And I just,

1422
01:21:47.620 --> 01:21:48.660
if there's, you know,

1423
01:21:48.660 --> 01:21:51.060
I don't quite know how to wrap my head around it

1424
01:21:51.060 --> 01:21:55.740
or how to quite get comfortable with it.

1425
01:21:56.700 --> 01:21:58.780
At once, once like,

1426
01:21:59.660 --> 01:22:04.660
so you said one will eventually kind of come to the top.

1427
01:22:08.220 --> 01:22:10.060
I don't know how to figure this out.

1428
01:22:10.060 --> 01:22:13.060
Your uncomfortability is all over this conversation.

1429
01:22:13.060 --> 01:22:16.500
She's like, you said one, one, help me.

1430
01:22:16.500 --> 01:22:18.820
One is gonna fall.

1431
01:22:18.820 --> 01:22:19.660
Yeah.

1432
01:22:20.660 --> 01:22:22.900
But it's true.

1433
01:22:22.900 --> 01:22:24.180
It's true.

1434
01:22:24.180 --> 01:22:26.620
Somebody can show you what the other person's not.

1435
01:22:26.620 --> 01:22:28.340
Somebody is gonna be a little bit lighter.

1436
01:22:28.340 --> 01:22:30.060
You're gonna prefer talking to one person

1437
01:22:30.060 --> 01:22:31.860
over the other a little bit more.

1438
01:22:31.860 --> 01:22:33.940
It will help you bring balance.

1439
01:22:33.940 --> 01:22:36.020
You cannot do it if you don't want to,

1440
01:22:36.020 --> 01:22:37.580
but you have a date already booked.

1441
01:22:37.580 --> 01:22:41.060
So just go if you find yourself,

1442
01:22:41.060 --> 01:22:43.180
but you'll naturally get a groove

1443
01:22:43.180 --> 01:22:46.220
of which person you like talking to just a little bit more.

1444
01:22:47.060 --> 01:22:50.420
When you feel like you maybe want to focus in

1445
01:22:50.420 --> 01:22:52.340
on this one person a little bit more,

1446
01:22:52.340 --> 01:22:54.220
then you just do that.

1447
01:22:55.820 --> 01:22:59.020
So it's hard to reconcile things we believed all our life.

1448
01:23:00.060 --> 01:23:01.620
If you believe all your life

1449
01:23:01.620 --> 01:23:03.500
that it's wrong to talk to two people at one time

1450
01:23:03.500 --> 01:23:05.220
that you're leading somebody on,

1451
01:23:06.460 --> 01:23:08.180
you're gonna have to run really fast,

1452
01:23:08.180 --> 01:23:09.980
get on a jet to outrun that law

1453
01:23:09.980 --> 01:23:12.100
that's been living and operating in you.

1454
01:23:12.940 --> 01:23:16.380
Because the truth is you're not leading anybody on.

1455
01:23:16.380 --> 01:23:18.740
You are dating just, this is real truth.

1456
01:23:19.980 --> 01:23:21.300
This is truth.

1457
01:23:21.300 --> 01:23:24.740
You are on a dating app just like they're on a dating app.

1458
01:23:24.740 --> 01:23:26.220
And I bet you, if you found out

1459
01:23:26.220 --> 01:23:27.300
they were dating somebody else

1460
01:23:27.300 --> 01:23:28.260
and they went on a date today

1461
01:23:28.260 --> 01:23:29.820
before you went on a date with them,

1462
01:23:29.820 --> 01:23:31.260
you will feel totally different.

1463
01:23:31.260 --> 01:23:32.380
You'll be like, what?

1464
01:23:34.780 --> 01:23:37.700
I think I feel relieved because I'm doing this.

1465
01:23:39.980 --> 01:23:41.180
Well, think this then.

1466
01:23:41.180 --> 01:23:42.900
They probably on a date with somebody else.

1467
01:23:42.900 --> 01:23:45.140
They're probably on the phone with somebody else.

1468
01:23:45.140 --> 01:23:47.100
I don't care if I only been knowing a person

1469
01:23:47.100 --> 01:23:48.660
like three days.

1470
01:23:48.660 --> 01:23:52.180
If I think that, I've had these things.

1471
01:23:52.180 --> 01:23:53.780
I think they're on the phone talking to somebody else.

1472
01:23:53.780 --> 01:23:56.180
I'll be like, how dare they talk to somebody else?

1473
01:23:56.180 --> 01:23:58.260
That's an old processing system.

1474
01:23:58.260 --> 01:23:59.740
That's not real.

1475
01:23:59.740 --> 01:24:02.060
Yes, they can talk to somebody else.

1476
01:24:02.060 --> 01:24:05.300
But sometimes it's just hard to outrun those things

1477
01:24:05.300 --> 01:24:07.420
that we believe that if you talk to somebody else,

1478
01:24:07.420 --> 01:24:08.820
you're leading somebody on

1479
01:24:08.820 --> 01:24:10.900
when you've not made a commitment to them.

1480
01:24:11.500 --> 01:24:13.900
If you believe that if you talk to another person,

1481
01:24:13.900 --> 01:24:15.260
it's leading them on,

1482
01:24:15.260 --> 01:24:16.860
then you will also believe

1483
01:24:16.860 --> 01:24:18.420
that if they talk to somebody else

1484
01:24:18.420 --> 01:24:19.620
while they're talking to you,

1485
01:24:19.620 --> 01:24:21.580
that they're leading you on.

1486
01:24:21.580 --> 01:24:23.860
You don't believe something for somebody else

1487
01:24:23.860 --> 01:24:26.260
that you don't first believe for yourself.

1488
01:24:26.260 --> 01:24:27.940
I'm not saying that's your belief,

1489
01:24:27.940 --> 01:24:30.540
but I'm just showing you how that thing works.

1490
01:24:30.540 --> 01:24:31.380
Got it.

1491
01:24:31.380 --> 01:24:33.460
So when you adopt a more free model that,

1492
01:24:33.460 --> 01:24:35.540
hey, we're just getting to know each other,

1493
01:24:35.540 --> 01:24:36.940
this what you're saying,

1494
01:24:36.940 --> 01:24:38.740
I'm just getting to know a person.

1495
01:24:39.060 --> 01:24:40.620
Right.

1496
01:24:40.620 --> 01:24:42.140
I'm just getting to know you.

1497
01:24:42.140 --> 01:24:42.980
Yeah.

1498
01:24:42.980 --> 01:24:45.140
And the goal is the date.

1499
01:24:45.140 --> 01:24:46.060
That's your goal.

1500
01:24:46.980 --> 01:24:48.300
So you've had one date,

1501
01:24:48.300 --> 01:24:49.940
now you're going on another date.

1502
01:24:51.820 --> 01:24:53.180
And you're getting to know yourself

1503
01:24:53.180 --> 01:24:55.220
really well in this process.

1504
01:24:55.220 --> 01:24:58.700
Yeah, I'm enjoying it.

1505
01:24:58.700 --> 01:24:59.540
Yeah.

1506
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.320
I surprised myself so

1507
01:25:03.360 --> 01:25:08.120
Y'all Rachel just say like two weeks ago. She did not have time to date anybody

1508
01:25:08.760 --> 01:25:14.280
It's like well, let's just go ahead and try to set up a app profile. Do y'all remember that?

1509
01:25:14.280 --> 01:25:17.500
She's like with my job. I just slammed. I'm slammed

1510
01:25:21.240 --> 01:25:26.480
And so she stepped out but yeah Rachel enjoy your date go on your date

1511
01:25:26.480 --> 01:25:32.440
It's it's a date. You're just getting to know somebody and that's the language you want to run through your mind

1512
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:39.360
Okay, I'll do that. Yeah, and what they say. Are you dating others say? Yeah, I'm getting to know a good number of people

1513
01:25:41.240 --> 01:25:46.340
You say it just like that you when you say stuff like people process it lightly, okay

1514
01:25:47.240 --> 01:25:49.240
Yeah, all right

1515
01:25:49.680 --> 01:25:52.180
Okay. All right, you're welcome. Okay, Lisa

1516
01:25:53.180 --> 01:25:58.540
Between you and Eloise I got three minutes and I don't want to cut out either one of y'all

1517
01:25:58.540 --> 01:26:03.460
I don't want to cut you out, but I got to go to work. I'm a schoolteacher. Have mercy on me. Go Lisa

1518
01:26:04.980 --> 01:26:06.980
So

1519
01:26:07.260 --> 01:26:12.340
Yeah, update time go ahead. Yeah. Yeah, so I had my first date

1520
01:26:14.180 --> 01:26:17.880
In probably 30 years, so it was a

1521
01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:19.880
Community

1522
01:26:20.640 --> 01:26:25.520
Look I'm so sorry. It was a community. It was someone that knew me

1523
01:26:26.200 --> 01:26:31.360
Connected up and said, you know, so I haven't been on an app. I haven't been on the apps and

1524
01:26:33.040 --> 01:26:39.640
And that person I was honored that that person thought enough of me because I don't know them that much

1525
01:26:39.640 --> 01:26:42.920
but they've known the man for like 30 years and

1526
01:26:43.280 --> 01:26:50.640
So, um, I was so grateful to have had this community because I knew but really I

1527
01:26:51.800 --> 01:26:58.360
What I'm afraid of I can't do this in three minutes. I but I mean what I'm afraid of is I

1528
01:26:59.400 --> 01:27:07.400
I listened and I knew that it's a yes till it's a no and I feel like the age difference is too much

1529
01:27:07.400 --> 01:27:14.480
So I just turned 60 but I I'm you could say I'm 40 like and he's 69 and

1530
01:27:16.360 --> 01:27:20.120
So and my friend doesn't think that I'm

1531
01:27:21.160 --> 01:27:23.160
I'm

1532
01:27:23.480 --> 01:27:25.480
I'm

1533
01:27:25.640 --> 01:27:27.640
I'm

1534
01:27:27.640 --> 01:27:29.640
I'm

1535
01:27:29.640 --> 01:27:31.640
I'm

1536
01:27:31.640 --> 01:27:33.640
I'm

1537
01:27:34.360 --> 01:27:37.960
So and my friend doesn't think that is an

1538
01:27:38.720 --> 01:27:39.560
age gap

1539
01:27:39.560 --> 01:27:46.720
but there were but then I realized there were other things and and I'm just so afraid that I've been judgmental and

1540
01:27:47.480 --> 01:27:49.480
I

1541
01:27:51.760 --> 01:27:55.080
Can't do justice for this time. But anyways, I

1542
01:27:57.280 --> 01:28:02.200
Let me help you do justice I can help you get to where you're going probably quicker

1543
01:28:02.760 --> 01:28:04.760
Tell me this

1544
01:28:05.080 --> 01:28:10.840
You say this is important. I think you said that you're 60, but you're more like 40

1545
01:28:11.080 --> 01:28:14.960
So when you look at him as 69, he's more like what?

1546
01:28:17.520 --> 01:28:19.520
69

1547
01:28:20.000 --> 01:28:24.600
But 69 is pretty close to you it's just nine years difference so this

1548
01:28:25.480 --> 01:28:29.600
Huh? Yeah, does he look aged? Are y'all in different seasons?

1549
01:28:30.040 --> 01:28:32.040
Does he walk?

1550
01:28:35.560 --> 01:28:37.560
He was married and

1551
01:28:37.680 --> 01:28:42.720
and I couldn't control it, but you know, he brought up the wife all that stuff and

1552
01:28:43.160 --> 01:28:49.360
He shared way more and I I didn't do the best job. I didn't I kept my

1553
01:28:50.320 --> 01:28:53.040
Back, you know, I didn't you know, I shared just you know

1554
01:28:55.560 --> 01:28:57.560
But um

1555
01:29:00.600 --> 01:29:06.400
There were traits that I didn't care for and I'm just wondering like it might be

1556
01:29:07.880 --> 01:29:14.040
Judgmental and also that I honestly think there's a piece of it that this was the first he was wonderful

1557
01:29:14.200 --> 01:29:19.040
He was wonderful and he picked me up and on this probably obviously people

1558
01:29:20.600 --> 01:29:25.480
I this is very different from meeting somebody on the internet. You know, he picked me up. We went to dinner

1559
01:29:25.480 --> 01:29:27.960
he opened the doors, you know, and

1560
01:29:28.200 --> 01:29:30.200
And

1561
01:29:32.680 --> 01:29:34.680
But um, I

1562
01:29:35.080 --> 01:29:36.400
Don't know

1563
01:29:36.400 --> 01:29:38.400
Any are you nervous?

1564
01:29:39.560 --> 01:29:41.560
What's happening?

1565
01:29:41.560 --> 01:29:47.600
Well, I feel like you I know you need to go. Oh your time crunch. So this is what I hear you saying

1566
01:29:50.200 --> 01:29:56.960
So Amanda 69 still believes that you pick a woman up that's what they did

1567
01:29:56.960 --> 01:29:59.760
No, they're still mean to this day

1568
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.840
even because of the way the world has evolved, we don't feel safe. But they'd be like, I'll pick

1569
01:30:03.840 --> 01:30:08.160
you up. I'll pick you up. Y'all, that's not somebody trying to hurt you, but because we're

1570
01:30:08.160 --> 01:30:13.200
in a different age and time, we can't do that. But that wasn't out of order for him to pick you up.

1571
01:30:13.760 --> 01:30:18.640
I just want to say that to you. I'm so glad that he picked you up, opened your doors, took you out.

1572
01:30:19.680 --> 01:30:24.800
This is a different generation, so it's not comparable. We're not comparing, right?

1573
01:30:25.760 --> 01:30:29.760
And you did know him through community, and y'all went out to dinner, and you had a really good

1574
01:30:29.760 --> 01:30:35.120
time. I want to really tap on, what is it that you feel judgmental about?

1575
01:30:37.440 --> 01:30:41.520
The things that I didn't care for. Okay, what were they?

1576
01:30:43.600 --> 01:30:49.440
The conversation. So my friend had given him my phone number, so he called me. So we had a

1577
01:30:49.440 --> 01:30:55.120
phone call before we met in person and all, but just talking, oh, that person makes a million

1578
01:30:55.120 --> 01:31:03.360
dollars. It's just not my nature. Okay.

1579
01:31:08.480 --> 01:31:14.560
He overshared about the marriage. I mean, I know he gave her everything. He just overshared,

1580
01:31:15.120 --> 01:31:20.880
because he didn't know better. Okay, so throw that one out the bucket. He didn't

1581
01:31:20.880 --> 01:31:24.400
know better. Me, I overshare all the time. Throw it out. What's next?

1582
01:31:30.240 --> 01:31:33.440
I think that you're so concerned about being judgmental that you

1583
01:31:33.440 --> 01:31:36.800
won't just say what the issue is. Just say what you don't like.

1584
01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:50.480
It was my first date, and oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the pressure from my friend that connected us.

1585
01:31:50.480 --> 01:31:55.760
She's like, Lisa, I don't think that's a big difference in age. She said, he is a wonderful

1586
01:31:55.760 --> 01:32:00.160
man and would never hurt you. She said, but if you don't see a future, please don't hurt him.

1587
01:32:00.960 --> 01:32:08.560
And so, and this person has been married in a wonderful marriage since 22 years old. So

1588
01:32:09.120 --> 01:32:18.000
they, and I'm themselves have not been, you know what I mean? So yeah. And this is a very important

1589
01:32:18.000 --> 01:32:24.000
person to me, the person that connected me. So there's that dynamic. Okay. Let's do this.

1590
01:32:24.960 --> 01:32:34.320
Let's do this, Lisa. Let's do is a yes till it's a no. I want you to write down the things that

1591
01:32:34.320 --> 01:32:43.520
you value or your non-negotiables from heaven. Okay. Okay. And I want you to do a yes till it's

1592
01:32:43.520 --> 01:32:48.560
a no. I want you to take some time to get to know him. Getting to know him is not promising him

1593
01:32:48.640 --> 01:32:54.400
anything. And if you feel pressure from your friends, stop talking to your friend about it

1594
01:32:54.960 --> 01:33:03.200
because you have the right to the process. You don't walk in dating somebody and then say,

1595
01:33:03.200 --> 01:33:10.800
I'm going to marry you. That's not how the process works for anybody. Yeah. Yeah. And so

1596
01:33:10.800 --> 01:33:15.120
in order for you to relieve that pressure, you got to put it in his proper perspective.

1597
01:33:15.120 --> 01:33:20.880
You're not going to hurt somebody by getting to know them. Okay. And you're not judgmental

1598
01:33:20.880 --> 01:33:26.320
because you voice something because if you voice it, we can actually say, oh, hey, this is tied

1599
01:33:26.320 --> 01:33:31.200
to this. And then you'd be like, oh, I didn't even know that this is tied to this. Oh, I didn't even

1600
01:33:31.200 --> 01:33:36.640
know that this is this. Oh, I didn't even know. But if you don't get it out your mouth, it can't

1601
01:33:36.720 --> 01:33:45.520
be dealt with. And then your perspective won't shift about him. Okay. You know, just because

1602
01:33:45.520 --> 01:33:50.000
he's a wonderful man to me, he's the wonderful man for you, but it does mean maybe you can go

1603
01:33:50.000 --> 01:33:54.720
out and have some companionship and have a nice dinner with him and get to know him and see him

1604
01:33:54.720 --> 01:33:59.520
for who he is and not as your husband. So when he starts talking about things that you don't like,

1605
01:33:59.520 --> 01:34:05.520
you get to assign it to who he is. Oh, that's just kind of who he is. And now I'm going to show up

1606
01:34:05.520 --> 01:34:11.280
and share who I am without correcting him. And so since he's so bold, it shows who he is. Let me

1607
01:34:11.280 --> 01:34:21.200
boldly show who I am. Okay. Right. And so what all of this does, it gives you experience. It helps

1608
01:34:21.200 --> 01:34:27.520
you navigate through the things about you because somebody, other people are going to come to the

1609
01:34:27.520 --> 01:34:30.720
tape and they're going to always talk about what you want to talk about. Or that man is going to

1610
01:34:30.720 --> 01:34:36.560
have things even you've been married before, right? Even your, Oh, not, okay. Anybody's going

1611
01:34:36.560 --> 01:34:40.720
to have some things that you're not favorable toward, but it doesn't mean that they're deal

1612
01:34:40.720 --> 01:34:45.040
breaker things for non-negotiables. And it's not me trying to get you to marry him. I'm just telling

1613
01:34:45.040 --> 01:34:50.800
you, they're going to be, yeah, that people talk about that. That's just not your cup of tea,

1614
01:34:50.800 --> 01:34:54.160
but he's not talking about things that are, you know.

1615
01:34:56.800 --> 01:34:57.300
Okay.

1616
01:34:58.400 --> 01:34:59.920
It's the core value system.

1617
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.200
Not some things that people value over the other thing.

1618
01:35:03.200 --> 01:35:05.200
It's just not your cup of tea when they talk about it.

1619
01:35:05.900 --> 01:35:06.400
Okay.

1620
01:35:06.500 --> 01:35:07.000
Okay.

1621
01:35:07.400 --> 01:35:10.400
And so I think you should certainly do another date.

1622
01:35:10.500 --> 01:35:13.600
It was a nice day and you can should continue getting to know

1623
01:35:13.600 --> 01:35:17.700
him just as he is without the thought of is he the one for

1624
01:35:17.700 --> 01:35:21.500
me and you can always express that if he makes comments along

1625
01:35:21.500 --> 01:35:24.500
those lines say I enjoy pacing and just getting to know one

1626
01:35:24.500 --> 01:35:25.000
another.

1627
01:35:26.700 --> 01:35:28.900
Okay, there it is long distance.

1628
01:35:30.000 --> 01:35:33.600
So that's another component but oh, that's not a negative.

1629
01:35:33.600 --> 01:35:38.100
I'm just yeah, it does a long distance requires a little bit

1630
01:35:38.100 --> 01:35:39.500
more. Yeah talking.

1631
01:35:40.600 --> 01:35:43.800
It requires a different skill set and if you want just post

1632
01:35:43.800 --> 01:35:47.600
in the app other things you want to share it really least

1633
01:35:47.600 --> 01:35:50.800
is important to me that you post what you don't like that

1634
01:35:50.800 --> 01:35:55.300
you feel is being judgmental post your true thoughts in the

1635
01:35:55.300 --> 01:35:58.300
app and let me take a look at them and let's see what we

1636
01:35:58.300 --> 01:36:01.800
can't redirect and get you from under shame believing that

1637
01:36:01.800 --> 01:36:03.000
you're being judgmental.

1638
01:36:03.200 --> 01:36:06.400
You're just a woman on a journey with a guide to your love

1639
01:36:06.400 --> 01:36:11.100
story and what's in your heart the Lord sees if he needs

1640
01:36:11.100 --> 01:36:15.300
to adjust and he's building an infrastructure in you whatever

1641
01:36:15.300 --> 01:36:18.300
he needs to just it can't be adjusted if you're harboring

1642
01:36:18.300 --> 01:36:21.100
it down on the inside or something to come along to let

1643
01:36:21.100 --> 01:36:25.100
it bubble up so he can give you a different different

1644
01:36:25.100 --> 01:36:27.100
I say okay.

1645
01:36:31.600 --> 01:36:33.300
Yeah, thank you.

1646
01:36:33.300 --> 01:36:34.400
Okay, you're welcome.

1647
01:36:35.100 --> 01:36:36.300
Hey, miss Eloise.

1648
01:36:40.300 --> 01:36:41.300
Hello.

1649
01:36:41.500 --> 01:36:50.300
Well, this this is about dating and yet it's it's not okay.

1650
01:36:50.700 --> 01:36:51.000
Okay.

1651
01:36:51.100 --> 01:37:01.800
So so I'm in a home church and and so five of the four of

1652
01:37:01.800 --> 01:37:05.500
the leaders now five of the leadership wanted to get with

1653
01:37:05.500 --> 01:37:13.600
me on Sunday and have a talk and they were they were, you

1654
01:37:13.600 --> 01:37:23.600
know, they said things like you over talk and I do and and

1655
01:37:24.800 --> 01:37:31.600
I'm battling a lot mental brain cognition or lack of kind

1656
01:37:31.600 --> 01:37:36.500
of thing and and so I don't think they understand that and

1657
01:37:36.500 --> 01:37:40.200
so when somebody asked me a question and I looked at my

1658
01:37:40.200 --> 01:37:43.000
notes because they were saying a whole lot of stuff and

1659
01:37:43.000 --> 01:37:47.300
they said don't look at your notes and I'm like, but you

1660
01:37:47.300 --> 01:37:50.000
don't I was taped it but you don't get it.

1661
01:37:50.000 --> 01:37:52.500
I'm I don't remember.

1662
01:37:52.800 --> 01:37:58.800
I am trying so hard to get healed and all this stuff and

1663
01:37:58.800 --> 01:38:05.800
I don't remember things and and so and the over talk stuff.

1664
01:38:06.200 --> 01:38:10.600
I think the Lord has been showing me just on my own that

1665
01:38:10.600 --> 01:38:13.400
the over talking is because I was not celebrated.

1666
01:38:13.400 --> 01:38:14.200
I was not seen.

1667
01:38:14.200 --> 01:38:15.400
I was not heard.

1668
01:38:15.700 --> 01:38:22.800
I was not visible, you know, and so I over talk because you

1669
01:38:22.800 --> 01:38:25.500
know, if you don't think that's right, you know, you can tell

1670
01:38:25.500 --> 01:38:30.900
me if you think it's right or wrong or whatever but because

1671
01:38:31.100 --> 01:38:35.400
if I over talk somebody's going to see me they're going to

1672
01:38:35.400 --> 01:38:36.100
talk to me.

1673
01:38:36.100 --> 01:38:38.200
They're going to value me or whatever.

1674
01:38:38.900 --> 01:38:45.900
And so I mean this is like forever and so so anyway, I came

1675
01:38:45.900 --> 01:38:51.700
up I came away, you know, like when we share a table talk

1676
01:38:51.700 --> 01:38:57.000
thing during our potluck dinner part and then they were

1677
01:38:57.000 --> 01:39:00.800
saying well so that so that you don't over talk.

1678
01:39:01.100 --> 01:39:04.900
Why don't you be one of the first ones to do the table your

1679
01:39:04.900 --> 01:39:10.000
answer for the tabletop thing so that you don't talk too

1680
01:39:10.000 --> 01:39:14.000
long because you know, there'll be a lot of people after

1681
01:39:14.000 --> 01:39:21.100
you and so anyway, I just I don't know what to do with

1682
01:39:21.100 --> 01:39:21.400
that.

1683
01:39:21.400 --> 01:39:26.500
And but but here my over talking and I couldn't seem to do

1684
01:39:26.500 --> 01:39:35.300
anything right and then I go to a nonprofit in Grapevine

1685
01:39:35.500 --> 01:39:41.000
in my neck of the woods and they help with rent and so so

1686
01:39:41.000 --> 01:39:45.500
I went to see if I could get rent and you got to come early

1687
01:39:45.500 --> 01:39:48.600
and you got to they don't open till 9 so you're standing

1688
01:39:48.600 --> 01:39:53.400
outside in the heat and you're all just kind of just hanging

1689
01:39:53.400 --> 01:39:56.300
in there, you know to you get in the door where the air

1690
01:39:56.300 --> 01:39:59.200
conditioning is and so I met this.

1691
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.000
sweet guy, lovely black man, I can't, I can't tell age.

1692
01:40:05.120 --> 01:40:09.000
So I don't, I would say he's in his forties at least.

1693
01:40:09.000 --> 01:40:12.200
And so we just started talking and I said,

1694
01:40:12.200 --> 01:40:13.580
are you in a job search?

1695
01:40:13.580 --> 01:40:15.720
And he said, I am.

1696
01:40:15.720 --> 01:40:19.120
And so I just started sharing with him

1697
01:40:19.120 --> 01:40:23.780
the different job seeker places and Zoom calls

1698
01:40:23.780 --> 01:40:25.920
and all that, that are available to him

1699
01:40:25.920 --> 01:40:28.160
that are totally free and totally wonderful

1700
01:40:28.160 --> 01:40:29.520
and all this stuff.

1701
01:40:29.520 --> 01:40:31.360
And I didn't think a thing about it.

1702
01:40:31.360 --> 01:40:36.240
And so when we got inside, he was at the other end

1703
01:40:36.240 --> 01:40:41.240
and for me, just because there's not any place to sit.

1704
01:40:42.280 --> 01:40:46.880
And so I get this, I get this like almost five o'clock

1705
01:40:46.880 --> 01:40:51.880
today, I get a text from him and it was so darling.

1706
01:40:52.120 --> 01:40:54.880
And he said, Ms. Eloise, I just wanted to take a moment

1707
01:40:54.880 --> 01:40:58.600
to tell you how much I appreciated meeting you today.

1708
01:40:58.600 --> 01:41:01.000
Even though we met while we were both waiting

1709
01:41:01.000 --> 01:41:04.640
to get some help, I truly believe some people

1710
01:41:04.640 --> 01:41:06.920
cross our path for a reason.

1711
01:41:06.920 --> 01:41:08.960
You were so kind and knowledgeable

1712
01:41:08.960 --> 01:41:11.360
and willing to share information that could help

1713
01:41:11.360 --> 01:41:14.200
not only me, but other people as well.

1714
01:41:14.200 --> 01:41:15.600
That really stood out to me.

1715
01:41:15.600 --> 01:41:17.800
You didn't have to take the time to share what you knew,

1716
01:41:17.800 --> 01:41:21.160
but you did and you did it with such a kind spirit.

1717
01:41:21.160 --> 01:41:26.160
And he said, sometimes a simple conversation

1718
01:41:26.560 --> 01:41:28.880
and a little kindness can mean more to someone

1719
01:41:28.880 --> 01:41:30.360
than we realize.

1720
01:41:30.360 --> 01:41:32.240
I want you to know that your kindness

1721
01:41:32.240 --> 01:41:33.840
did not go unnoticed today.

1722
01:41:33.840 --> 01:41:37.920
I truly appreciate you and I'm thankful our paths crossed.

1723
01:41:37.920 --> 01:41:41.600
I hope the same kindness and generosity you showed today

1724
01:41:41.600 --> 01:41:44.120
comes back to you many times over.

1725
01:41:44.120 --> 01:41:46.480
Please take care of yourself and thank you.

1726
01:41:46.480 --> 01:41:51.240
So while my own church body has been, you know,

1727
01:41:51.240 --> 01:41:53.680
you're not doing this and you talk too much and all this,

1728
01:41:53.680 --> 01:41:58.000
and this total stranger that I shared, you know,

1729
01:42:00.160 --> 01:42:04.160
a half hour or so or more talking in the heat,

1730
01:42:05.560 --> 01:42:08.320
you know, saw good things in me

1731
01:42:08.320 --> 01:42:11.080
that my own church is not seeing.

1732
01:42:11.080 --> 01:42:12.880
And I'm just kind of torn.

1733
01:42:13.840 --> 01:42:17.360
You know, I'm not really good at confronting.

1734
01:42:17.360 --> 01:42:21.640
And so when somebody says something to me in a group

1735
01:42:21.640 --> 01:42:25.000
that's kind of negative and I just clam up,

1736
01:42:25.000 --> 01:42:26.560
I don't know what to do with that

1737
01:42:26.560 --> 01:42:31.520
because I don't understand what they're saying or whatever.

1738
01:42:31.520 --> 01:42:36.200
And so, you know, this is a good growth thing for me.

1739
01:42:36.200 --> 01:42:39.840
And I want to get where I feel confident

1740
01:42:39.840 --> 01:42:42.760
in just saying, I don't understand what you said

1741
01:42:42.760 --> 01:42:44.720
or what does that mean?

1742
01:42:44.720 --> 01:42:48.040
Instead of just, you know,

1743
01:42:48.040 --> 01:42:50.760
instead of just stopping talking and just looking at them

1744
01:42:50.760 --> 01:42:51.960
because I don't know.

1745
01:42:53.200 --> 01:42:54.800
So anyway, I mean,

1746
01:42:56.720 --> 01:42:59.400
growing in relationships is what we're doing.

1747
01:42:59.400 --> 01:43:02.560
And so I want to do that no matter who they are.

1748
01:43:03.920 --> 01:43:06.240
Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

1749
01:43:06.240 --> 01:43:07.760
And that can be very hurtful,

1750
01:43:07.760 --> 01:43:10.320
especially when a group of people talk to you.

1751
01:43:10.320 --> 01:43:12.520
Now their thoughts may have been, they came as a group,

1752
01:43:12.520 --> 01:43:15.960
so you wouldn't feel isolated.

1753
01:43:15.960 --> 01:43:18.400
But when it's one against a number of people,

1754
01:43:18.400 --> 01:43:22.000
it can feel like you're alone in the process.

1755
01:43:22.000 --> 01:43:24.000
I'm so thankful that God brought someone

1756
01:43:24.000 --> 01:43:25.640
to restore identity back to you

1757
01:43:25.640 --> 01:43:27.080
because that's what happened.

1758
01:43:27.080 --> 01:43:28.440
Yeah.

1759
01:43:28.440 --> 01:43:30.520
In their well-meaningness,

1760
01:43:30.520 --> 01:43:33.320
whatever their ideas was when they shared that with you,

1761
01:43:33.320 --> 01:43:34.880
that they were going to share it as a group

1762
01:43:34.880 --> 01:43:37.680
and it probably go ahead and say some things.

1763
01:43:37.680 --> 01:43:42.000
It tapped on a sore place in your heart and in your life

1764
01:43:42.000 --> 01:43:45.440
and places that you're working really hard to overcome.

1765
01:43:45.440 --> 01:43:46.640
And by them doing that,

1766
01:43:46.680 --> 01:43:48.320
those are areas that you're working really hard

1767
01:43:48.320 --> 01:43:50.320
to overcome by nature

1768
01:43:50.320 --> 01:43:52.440
that stripped probably some more of your essence

1769
01:43:52.440 --> 01:43:53.480
away from you.

1770
01:43:53.480 --> 01:43:54.320
Yeah.

1771
01:43:54.320 --> 01:43:56.200
And so what God did was he came and restored it

1772
01:43:56.200 --> 01:43:58.120
because that's what the Lord does.

1773
01:43:58.120 --> 01:44:00.120
So he restored to you the essence

1774
01:44:00.120 --> 01:44:03.400
that may have been taken away from you in that meeting.

1775
01:44:03.400 --> 01:44:04.240
Yeah.

1776
01:44:04.240 --> 01:44:05.520
And so what I want us to do,

1777
01:44:07.480 --> 01:44:10.200
I'm sure that I could use some kind of words to say,

1778
01:44:10.200 --> 01:44:12.840
but I want to pray with you, Ms. Eloise.

1779
01:44:12.840 --> 01:44:13.680
Thank you.

1780
01:44:13.720 --> 01:44:17.600
This is bigger than any wisdom that I could share right now.

1781
01:44:17.600 --> 01:44:19.400
So Father God, I thank you for Eloise.

1782
01:44:19.400 --> 01:44:22.520
I thank you that you are the author

1783
01:44:22.520 --> 01:44:23.760
and the creator of her life.

1784
01:44:23.760 --> 01:44:25.920
You've known all of her days,

1785
01:44:25.920 --> 01:44:27.520
even from the very beginning.

1786
01:44:27.520 --> 01:44:29.440
She was your plan from heaven.

1787
01:44:29.440 --> 01:44:30.680
You put it in your mother's womb

1788
01:44:30.680 --> 01:44:32.360
because the earth needed her.

1789
01:44:32.360 --> 01:44:34.520
So I thank you right now in the name of Jesus.

1790
01:44:34.520 --> 01:44:36.440
I stand as one in the earth

1791
01:44:36.440 --> 01:44:38.360
that puts a demand on her life.

1792
01:44:38.360 --> 01:44:40.240
I put a demand on what she carries.

1793
01:44:40.240 --> 01:44:41.800
Lord God, I stand in the gap

1794
01:44:41.840 --> 01:44:43.920
and I pull on the things that she carries.

1795
01:44:43.920 --> 01:44:45.200
And I thank you, Lord God,

1796
01:44:45.200 --> 01:44:46.960
that you're birthing something new,

1797
01:44:46.960 --> 01:44:49.160
even in this age, even in this day,

1798
01:44:49.160 --> 01:44:50.480
and even in this time.

1799
01:44:50.480 --> 01:44:51.440
I thank you, Lord God,

1800
01:44:51.440 --> 01:44:53.760
that if you were done with her, she would not be here,

1801
01:44:53.760 --> 01:44:55.360
but she's still here, Lord God.

1802
01:44:55.360 --> 01:44:58.560
So I put a demand on the thing that you put in our life

1803
01:44:58.560 --> 01:44:59.960
and I call it forth now.

1804
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.120
It may be made manifest in her life

1805
01:45:02.120 --> 01:45:04.000
and to all of those around her

1806
01:45:04.000 --> 01:45:06.240
that we might partake of the goodness

1807
01:45:06.240 --> 01:45:08.560
that you have stored up on the inside of her.

1808
01:45:08.560 --> 01:45:10.960
So I father God, I thank you, Lord God,

1809
01:45:10.960 --> 01:45:13.440
that when you reveal, you also redeem

1810
01:45:13.440 --> 01:45:15.840
and you also restore and you're redeeming

1811
01:45:15.840 --> 01:45:18.440
and you're restoring even as we pray in agreement,

1812
01:45:18.440 --> 01:45:21.820
even as we come together on one accord, Lord God,

1813
01:45:21.820 --> 01:45:24.340
that you are restoring your daughter, Lord God,

1814
01:45:24.340 --> 01:45:26.120
that you are doing something in her

1815
01:45:26.120 --> 01:45:27.360
that she's not known before

1816
01:45:27.360 --> 01:45:29.160
because that's the God that you are.

1817
01:45:29.160 --> 01:45:31.680
This is not just a promise to be had out, Lord God.

1818
01:45:31.680 --> 01:45:35.440
Abraham and Sarah was well past childbearing years

1819
01:45:35.440 --> 01:45:38.840
and Abraham considered himself dead in his body

1820
01:45:38.840 --> 01:45:40.800
and he was dead in his body.

1821
01:45:40.800 --> 01:45:43.320
So I thank you, Lord God, that you are the God

1822
01:45:43.320 --> 01:45:46.440
that continues to produce and to produce and produce

1823
01:45:46.440 --> 01:45:48.440
for you told us, Lord God, to be fruitful,

1824
01:45:48.440 --> 01:45:51.520
to multiply, to subdue and have dominion, O God.

1825
01:45:51.520 --> 01:45:52.640
So I thank you, Lord God.

1826
01:45:52.640 --> 01:45:55.120
I speak over Eloise that she's being fruitful

1827
01:45:55.120 --> 01:45:57.640
and she's multiplying even now.

1828
01:45:57.680 --> 01:45:59.860
I thank you, Lord God, for what you're doing.

1829
01:45:59.860 --> 01:46:04.320
We say that it is so in Jesus' name, amen.

1830
01:46:05.560 --> 01:46:07.200
Thank you so much.

1831
01:46:07.200 --> 01:46:09.560
You're so welcome, you're so welcome.

1832
01:46:09.560 --> 01:46:11.800
I'd give you a hug if I could.

1833
01:46:11.800 --> 01:46:13.760
I know, virtual hugs.

1834
01:46:13.760 --> 01:46:16.480
I believe that the Lord is gonna help you

1835
01:46:16.480 --> 01:46:20.920
start expressing yourself in a more concise manner.

1836
01:46:20.920 --> 01:46:23.320
That's just growth, growth for me.

1837
01:46:23.320 --> 01:46:26.440
I overshare, I overtalk, I overexplain.

1838
01:46:26.440 --> 01:46:28.700
So I want you to know it's not your age.

1839
01:46:28.700 --> 01:46:30.480
It is from trauma in life.

1840
01:46:30.480 --> 01:46:32.280
Those things are from that place

1841
01:46:32.280 --> 01:46:34.640
and we have to grow and walk through that.

1842
01:46:34.640 --> 01:46:37.280
So I want you to be like Caleb.

1843
01:46:37.280 --> 01:46:39.280
I want you to be like Joshua in the scriptures.

1844
01:46:39.280 --> 01:46:41.880
Don't consider yourself old but young

1845
01:46:41.880 --> 01:46:44.440
that you can go in and take the land,

1846
01:46:44.440 --> 01:46:46.520
that you can go in and have this thing

1847
01:46:46.520 --> 01:46:48.760
because if you're alive and you're brief in your body,

1848
01:46:48.760 --> 01:46:50.600
the Lord wants to see that thing fulfilled

1849
01:46:50.600 --> 01:46:52.280
and made manifest in your life

1850
01:46:52.280 --> 01:46:53.480
and he's gonna do that thing

1851
01:46:53.480 --> 01:46:55.720
because you just said, this is what I want.

1852
01:46:55.720 --> 01:46:57.080
And so we agree with you

1853
01:46:57.080 --> 01:47:00.280
and we agree with what heaven says about your life.

1854
01:47:00.280 --> 01:47:01.120
Right?

1855
01:47:01.120 --> 01:47:03.040
And so you're gonna see that thing

1856
01:47:03.040 --> 01:47:04.280
and you're gonna work on it.

1857
01:47:04.280 --> 01:47:06.440
And if anytime you can gather the strength,

1858
01:47:06.440 --> 01:47:08.000
you can always let them know like,

1859
01:47:08.000 --> 01:47:11.400
hey, I know that we had that meeting.

1860
01:47:11.400 --> 01:47:13.340
I thank you for bringing things to my attention.

1861
01:47:13.340 --> 01:47:15.040
They were already to my attention.

1862
01:47:15.040 --> 01:47:16.960
This is an area that I wanna grow in.

1863
01:47:16.960 --> 01:47:18.680
Thank you for sharing things with me,

1864
01:47:18.680 --> 01:47:22.400
letting me go first so that I can get those things out.

1865
01:47:22.400 --> 01:47:24.960
You know, and one thing they can do is,

1866
01:47:24.960 --> 01:47:27.760
hey, give me a time or you can give yourself a time.

1867
01:47:27.760 --> 01:47:29.420
So before you share, you can say,

1868
01:47:29.420 --> 01:47:31.680
I wanna set a timer on my phone.

1869
01:47:31.680 --> 01:47:35.080
So if my time to share is two minutes,

1870
01:47:35.080 --> 01:47:37.400
don't matter where you are in your two minutes,

1871
01:47:37.400 --> 01:47:38.480
you stop sharing.

1872
01:47:40.120 --> 01:47:41.200
Okay.

1873
01:47:41.200 --> 01:47:42.040
Right?

1874
01:47:42.040 --> 01:47:43.240
That's the way you can train yourself.

1875
01:47:43.240 --> 01:47:45.920
You train yourself to say, okay, this is what I say.

1876
01:47:45.920 --> 01:47:49.680
Well, one thing, and I know we gotta get off.

1877
01:47:50.680 --> 01:47:55.680
I haven't even realized that I was saying something

1878
01:47:57.080 --> 01:48:01.320
about somebody else to somebody else

1879
01:48:01.320 --> 01:48:06.320
and not gossiping exactly, but, you know,

1880
01:48:11.400 --> 01:48:14.360
talking to Joe Blow about Susie or whatever.

1881
01:48:14.360 --> 01:48:18.080
And they called that out too.

1882
01:48:18.080 --> 01:48:22.360
And, you know, and of course the memory thing,

1883
01:48:22.360 --> 01:48:23.720
I don't remember that.

1884
01:48:23.720 --> 01:48:27.040
And they didn't give any specific things.

1885
01:48:27.040 --> 01:48:32.040
So, you know, so I didn't know exactly

1886
01:48:32.960 --> 01:48:34.080
what they were talking about.

1887
01:48:34.080 --> 01:48:38.000
It's not that I don't believe them, but I just-

1888
01:48:42.480 --> 01:48:44.520
You go back and ask them for examples

1889
01:48:44.520 --> 01:48:46.480
of what they're actually talking about

1890
01:48:46.480 --> 01:48:48.480
so that you could track it in your life.

1891
01:48:49.360 --> 01:48:50.520
Yeah.

1892
01:48:50.520 --> 01:48:51.360
Right?

1893
01:48:51.360 --> 01:48:52.600
You still have the right to go back and say,

1894
01:48:52.600 --> 01:48:54.360
hey, you said this, give me an example,

1895
01:48:54.360 --> 01:48:57.520
because, you know, I don't wanna do that.

1896
01:48:57.520 --> 01:48:59.120
That's not my heart's intention.

1897
01:49:00.560 --> 01:49:01.480
Yeah.

1898
01:49:01.480 --> 01:49:02.640
Okay.

1899
01:49:02.640 --> 01:49:04.400
And you can also share with them

1900
01:49:04.400 --> 01:49:05.840
where you were struggling at.

1901
01:49:07.000 --> 01:49:08.960
I tried to tell them, but they don't get it

1902
01:49:08.960 --> 01:49:13.840
because, you know, don't look at your notes.

1903
01:49:14.600 --> 01:49:17.600
But I don't remember anything that you said.

1904
01:49:17.600 --> 01:49:18.440
I taped it.

1905
01:49:18.440 --> 01:49:20.040
I haven't had a chance to look at it.

1906
01:49:20.040 --> 01:49:21.360
Yeah, but you're gonna have to continue

1907
01:49:21.360 --> 01:49:22.240
to look at your notes.

1908
01:49:22.240 --> 01:49:24.040
That's just a part of your process.

1909
01:49:25.280 --> 01:49:26.120
So-

1910
01:49:26.120 --> 01:49:27.160
Yeah, yeah.

1911
01:49:27.160 --> 01:49:28.000
It is.

1912
01:49:28.000 --> 01:49:29.440
I mean, I'm a reporter, you know,

1913
01:49:29.440 --> 01:49:31.520
I grew up in journalism and stuff.

1914
01:49:31.520 --> 01:49:33.840
And so you always took notes, you know?

1915
01:49:33.840 --> 01:49:36.480
Yeah, that's just a part of who you are.

1916
01:49:36.480 --> 01:49:38.920
And you just tell them, this is what I do.

1917
01:49:38.920 --> 01:49:42.240
This is a part of how you remember and how you do things.

1918
01:49:42.240 --> 01:49:43.120
They'll be okay.

1919
01:49:44.840 --> 01:49:45.680
Okay.

1920
01:49:45.680 --> 01:49:47.200
Yeah, that'll be okay.

1921
01:49:47.200 --> 01:49:50.720
I just need to think I'm Ebony.

1922
01:49:52.640 --> 01:49:54.840
You know, you just gotta think that you're Eloise

1923
01:49:54.840 --> 01:49:59.000
and tell them who you are and how your mind functions.

1924
01:49:59.000 --> 01:50:00.200
You have to take notes.

1925
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.320
And if they want to talk about something personal, you want to write down anything personal,

1926
01:50:04.320 --> 01:50:08.880
but if it's pertaining to the meeting or pertaining to something that you have to remember, you're

1927
01:50:08.880 --> 01:50:09.880
going to do that.

1928
01:50:09.880 --> 01:50:10.880
Yeah.

1929
01:50:10.880 --> 01:50:11.880
Right.

1930
01:50:11.880 --> 01:50:15.520
So you're telling these notes to pertain to things that I must remember.

1931
01:50:15.520 --> 01:50:16.520
Nobody else.

1932
01:50:16.520 --> 01:50:17.520
Yeah.

1933
01:50:17.520 --> 01:50:18.520
Yeah.

1934
01:50:18.520 --> 01:50:21.280
And if you have to think, think, even to try to, sometimes when I have to say stuff, it's

1935
01:50:21.280 --> 01:50:23.040
hard for me to say, I think I'm my sister.

1936
01:50:23.040 --> 01:50:24.440
I'm like, your sister would do it.

1937
01:50:24.440 --> 01:50:25.440
Just do it.

1938
01:50:26.440 --> 01:50:31.000
I think I imagine I'm her and I do it seriously.

1939
01:50:31.000 --> 01:50:34.800
So thank you for sharing Eloise and thank you ladies for hanging in there.

1940
01:50:34.800 --> 01:50:36.360
Thank you for the prayer.

1941
01:50:36.360 --> 01:50:37.360
Oh, of course.

1942
01:50:37.360 --> 01:50:40.840
No, it was my privilege and honor to partner with you.

1943
01:50:40.840 --> 01:50:44.880
You ladies rest well and I look forward to seeing you soon and check out the post for

1944
01:50:44.880 --> 01:50:49.400
the activation for this week because I didn't go over it with you.

1945
01:50:49.400 --> 01:50:50.400
Okay.

1946
01:50:50.400 --> 01:50:51.400
All right.

1947
01:50:51.400 --> 01:50:52.400
Good night.

1948
01:50:52.400 --> 01:50:53.400
Have fun on all your dates.

1949
01:50:53.400 --> 01:50:54.400
Bye.

1950
01:50:54.400 --> 01:50:54.400