WEBVTT

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Welcome, everybody, to Modern Dating Sucks Week 2.

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I hope that you did your homework.

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I'm not going to ask you if you did your homework.

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You're going to be on the honor system, but if you didn't do it, then you're going to

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get a little bit behind because this is when we start to really dig in to the content.

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I want to let you know that there are people that took the very first book club that I

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released in June that are already in relationships.

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That's right.

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It doesn't have to take forever, but you do have to do things differently.

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I've heard from some of you, some of you have been asking questions in the app, in

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the Facebook group.

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If you ask your questions, you will get an answer.

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I will answer you, so ask your questions because I will give you feedback.

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I will give you coaching, but a lot of you are revealing to me that you're your own biggest

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problem.

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Love you, but you are your own biggest problem.

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There's something that we say in last year's single.

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We say it in the first phase of last year's single, which is called The Heart Work.

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We say this, you're never stuck on the outside.

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You're always stuck on the inside.

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Always stuck on the inside.

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I know we hear a lot of talk about mindsets.

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We hear a lot of talk about programming.

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We hear a lot of talk about counterfeit identities and different things.

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All you have to do is just get on social media and you can scroll and find all kinds of psycho

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babble about all of those things.

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Here's what we need to know as believers, and I think the majority of you are people

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of faith.

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In fact, let me see the hands of the people that are people of faith in here.

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Go ahead and put up your little yellow avatar hand.

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Let me see.

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Let me see.

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Let me see.

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I think I already did this maybe on our first one, but let me do it again because I do know

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that I put out my book club registration to my Instagram, so it's possible that there

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are people here that are not believers or not people of faith, maybe agnostic.

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That's you.

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You're still in the right place.

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We're not going to proselytize you, but we are going to talk about some spiritual things

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when it comes to relationships because I believe as a believer, as a Christian, that we've

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been created for relationship.

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We've been created for it.

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We've been hardwired for relationship, not just romantic relationship, but relationship

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in general.

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Unfortunately, a lot of us have had bad experiences with relationship, and that's why in last

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year's single, I also have a saying that says, hurt in friendship, healed in friendship.

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Hurt in family, healed in family.

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Hurt in community, healed in community.

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Hurt in marriage, healed in marriage.

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Hurt in dating, healed in dating.

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Why?

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Because I believe that whatever it was that hurt you in a particular type of relationship

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is also an ingredient that God is going to use to heal you.

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What better way to be healed from a trauma of a certain type of friendship, for instance?

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You had a friend, you really poured into that friendship, and then they either betrayed

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you or they ghosted you.

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They got busy, didn't have time for you anymore.

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Perhaps you're a giver that attracts takers, so you were in a friendship that wasn't reciprocal.

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Here's a little free coaching tip.

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Friendships should be reciprocal.

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You have a lot of acquaintances, I'm sure.

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You have a lot of associates is what we used to call them when I was a kid.

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That's okay.

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You have a lot of transactional relationships in your life where you're giving, but you're

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not expecting a return.

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Friendships should not be one of those.

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Friendships are not transactional one way.

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They're reciprocal relationships, meaning that sometimes you're the giver, sometimes

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you're the taker.

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You may have been calling it a friendship, and you got burned by it because they weren't

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giving back to you what you were giving to them.

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In fact, let's see the hands of the people that would say, yeah, or actually put in the

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comments right now if you consider yourself a good friend, but you don't necessarily attract

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good friends.

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You attract takers, people who use you, take advantage of you, people who are not kind

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that don't show up.

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If you've had something like that happen in your life, it's important to understand that

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I believe God will use the very opposite of that to heal you from some of those wounds.

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Now, do you have to do some of the inner work before that happens?

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Sure, because you have to be able to trust people to let them in.

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What good is it to say, okay, well, I believe that God's going to heal me in a new marriage

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because I had a really wrecked up first marriage.

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This person was a liar, cheater, beater, user, abuser, okay, but if you can't ever

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get to a place where you can let someone in or trust someone or you can't clear off your

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heart lens to a place where you can actually choose differently this time, then that's

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not going to come true.

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You have to do a certain amount of healing on your own.

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own, with God, in community, with coaching, with teaching, with mentorship, and then I

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believe the rest of the healing will happen within relationship.

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That's why I don't believe that you have to be to a certain place of perfection before

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you will be granted a new relationship.

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Some of you have had yourself in the waiting room for a really long time thinking, you

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know, I'm not ready yet.

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I'm not ready yet.

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I'm not ready yet.

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I haven't taken enough time to heal yet.

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It hasn't been enough time.

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Hasn't passed yet.

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You know, surely it's not time for me to have a new chance at love because, you know, I

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was just in a relationship.

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I just got out of a relationship 30 days ago, 60 days ago.

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I just got out of a marriage six months ago.

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A lot of times we'll judge the people that are out there in the dating world because

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we think they haven't been on the sidelines long enough.

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They haven't been sitting on the bench long enough.

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Coach, how dare you put them in the game?

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They have not punished.

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They haven't been punished enough.

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They haven't suffered enough.

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Or even if they were the victim in the situation, the victim in the situation, they haven't

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healed enough.

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They're going to bleed on people that didn't hurt them, didn't cut them.

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Yeah, maybe.

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But I also believe from personal experience that a lot of times God's timelines for other

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people and even you may not match what you think they should.

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I can't tell you how many people will keep themselves on the bench when God invited you

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into the game a long time ago.

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But you won't just keep yourself on the bench, you'll keep other people on the bench.

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Because if you believe God has benched you, he's got you in that proverbial waiting room

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where it's never your time, it's never your time, it's never your time.

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You know what you're going to do?

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You're going to say that to other people too.

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People will come around you and say, man, you know, I really want this or I really want

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that.

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And if you're disappointed in an area of your life where you feel like God's taking too

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long, you're going to begin to rain on their parade as well, probably.

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There's an old saying, I didn't make it up, but I do say it a lot, whoever God is to you,

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he will be through you.

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So if you believe that God holds out on you, if you believe that it's never your time,

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you're never ready, you're never perfect enough, you're never healed enough, God can't bless

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you because you're not mature enough, then guess what?

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In some way, shape or form, you're going to put that ideology on other people as well.

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And that's why all of us are here.

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Because somebody started insinuating that we shouldn't even want this because we're

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too old, it's too late, or we've been too married before, you know, you've been married

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three times, you don't get another love story.

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Who said?

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Who said?

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I had a student who was married five times and guess what?

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She got married.

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And some of you probably be offended by that, you're like, what?

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I haven't even gotten one husband.

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She had six.

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Yeah, you're right.

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God can do what he wants.

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And I bet you, by the end of this book club, you will realize that God is not holding out

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on you, but you certainly are holding out on yourself.

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How?

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I'm so glad you asked.

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So back to full circle, to mindsets, programming, belief systems, counterfeit identities.

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Trauma doesn't just hurt us, it actually creates different versions of us.

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And most of you have a different version of you that's swiping on those dating apps, a

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different version of you that's showing up to those dates.

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It's a counterfeit version of you and that's based on what you believe about men, about

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marriage, about women, because I know we have some guys in here, about your attractiveness,

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your desirability, about what it needs to feel like when you first meet them, all kinds

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of different lies that you are operating under that are causing you to show up on these dates,

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in these places where there's other eligible singles, and not to have any good results.

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Because behavior follows identity.

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So it's always going to be about identity.

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So we can only do a little bit of identity work in this five weeks because we don't have

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a lot of time to jump into that stuff.

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But if you take your rollover offer and you're the last book club of 2026, you're the last

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group of people that are going to be offered to join last year's single for $37 a month.

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At the end of this book club, week four, we will email you, we will put that offer, Cheryl

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will put it into your resource tab in your app, and you can roll right on over into the

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hard work and dig deeper into your patterns.

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We can't do that here.

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The very first thing that I'd like to do is talk about your dating autopsy.

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So what is this?

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This is kind of a inventory of patterns.

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And I told you in the book and I told you during coaching that if you don't have any

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dates to autopsy, if you don't have any relationships to autopsy,

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romantic relationships. You can do friendships. You can do family members. I want to know

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how you show up in relationship. I want to see your patterns. And so who did the homework

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and who wants to unmute yourself and tell us in 60 seconds or less about a pattern you

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saw when you autopsied the last few relationships or friendships or family relationships? All

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right, Kirsten, you're up. Hi, happy to be here. For me, it's like always been the fairy

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tale. I always start fairy tale. It's like the hot, hot, hot chemistry, super, you know,

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almost every guy doesn't have to be physically attractive, although they're usually really

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hot. And then it just like within three to five months, whatever happens, it's like a

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love bomb or let me ask you a question. What does a guy have to say to you? Gentlemen,

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this is not an invitation for you to love bomb Kirsten. OK, what does a guy have to

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say to you that literally melts you? Like what is the thing that you're just like? Yeah,

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I'm just in love now. I don't know if I love more like yes. Yeah. I mean, but in the moment

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it feels like love, right? Because it's all the chemistry. It's all. What does he have

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to say? Like what? What's like your kryptonite? Oh, my God. It can be. It just is more about

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how he says it. Right. There was a guy at the gym this week. He put his arm up. I felt

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breakthrough from last week because it was like he was super open. I was like, OK, but

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what's the moment? Old school, he would have probably said something. Hey, how are you?

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You know, kind of like a little bit like, yeah, sexual or something. Yeah. But I feel

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healed from that since last year's single. So it's like not attractive to me anymore.

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Love it. But I still feel like it's potentially a thing. I don't know. I've kind of sidelined

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myself out of independence. I realized from the autopsy it was fairy tale and chill or

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whatever that one was. Chill something. Chill girl. Chill girl. Since I've gotten hurt a

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bunch in the last couple of years, I sidelined myself with with independence. But I think

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the fairy tale is like the one for me. I love what she just said. So listen, you guys.

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So she started out as fairy tale and chill girl. Right. So she wants it to burn hot and

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fast and exciting roller coaster. But also she's going to be chill like she's not going

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to demand too much. You know, she's going to go with the flow. She wants to be the kind

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of person who, you know, the guy wants to keep coming back because she's so cool and

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she's so easy to be with. But she pendulum swinged when she got into heart work and into

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last year's single did inner work. She pendulum swinged into independence. So here's the thing,

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friends. We don't want you to pendulum swing into independence. Now, that might seem safer

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for her in the minute because now it's like I don't need nobody. I don't need no man.

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I can do bad all by myself. OK, cool. Awesome. The problem with is that it's still insecure

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attachment. You guys see where I'm going here. OK, so being an anxious attacher, which is

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what she's describing by chill girl and fairytale, has now swung into a little bit more of an

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avoidant attachment, which is still insecure. Right. And so we wanted to come into the middle

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where she is interdependent, where she wants a partner, where she can admit that she needs

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a partner. But she also isn't going to compromise those non-negotiables that we are going to

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make during this book club together. And she is going to hold to her values no matter how

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hot and intense the country is. All right. Listen, I've been there, y'all. I have a vagina.

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OK, it's a still working vagina. I understand how this works. And gentlemen, we know you have

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something different down there. OK, I don't know what the going words are, but you know,

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my I have four year old grandchildren. You guys know with kids now that you have to teach them

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the clinical words, vagina, penis. That's it. Because if you give cute little names like

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and things like I guess that's what, you know, like bad predator people use. So,

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yeah, you just got to give it the clinical name. So, all right, Kirsten, thank you for sharing.

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That was really great. Sure. So you guys see how she swung from insecure to insecure. And so now

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we want her little pendulum to come to the middle where she can be securely attached. She knows her

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worth. She knows her value. I actually know Kirsten in real life and she's a beautiful, successful

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woman. She's successful. You're a lawyer, aren't you? Yeah, she's a lawyer. OK, she's highly

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educated. She's beautiful. She's intelligent. All right. She's fun and funny. I mean, she's

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the whole package. The whole package. So you know someone, right then? I'll add you to my list.

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Yes, I'd let. What? Wait, was it me? I said so. So you know someone for me, right? I'll add you

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to my list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. Awesome. OK, thank you. Yes, yes. OK.

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All right. Oh, you guys are already making your advisory circles. I love this. Wonderful.

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We haven't gotten there yet. Okay, we're gonna continue to dating autopsy. And then I'm gonna

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put you in groups where you guys can tell each other a pattern, even just one little

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pattern that you saw. Jess, you're up.

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Hey, can you hear me? I got wind.

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I can hear you, girl. Okay, perfect.

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So I feel like for me, I have like passive faith, and then like scarcity and chill girl.

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So I, it was hurt so bad in the past that I just stopped dating altogether. Wow. And

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then was just like, he God will bring them to me.

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Oh, the God. Okay, everyone, put your hands down. Everyone raise your hand who has thought

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some version of, well, if it's meant to be, then God will just make it happen. God's going

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to bring them. God's going to make it happen. I'm just going to wait here. I'm going to

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be faithful. I'm going to pray and I'm going to fast. I'm going to be a good girl or a

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good boy. And God's going to reward me with a spouse. If only, if only anything in life

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worked that way, it does not work that way. In fact, how many of you that have thought

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this way that Jess is thinking, how many of you have actually watched people that,

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you know, that, you know, ain't living, right. Get blessed with a good spouse, not a torn

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up spouse, but actual good relationship. How many of you raise your hand? You're just like,

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wait, they've been living, right. They were at the club last weekend and wait, what? Why?

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How? Yeah. Because that's because it doesn't work that way. That's how, and that's why

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we have to get out of this mindset. So passive faith, chill girl and scarcity. Those are

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like the three horsemen of the apocalypse, Jess. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. All right. So

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let's go over that. So passive faith says, Hey, hands off. You know, I don't want to

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strive. I'm going to let God do this. Only God can pick the right person. I'm done picking

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because my pickers broken. Okay. And then we have scarcity. I better let God pick because

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like there's no good ones left and he only knows where the good ones are. Okay. And then

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we have, was it chill girl? The last one? What was, yeah. Okay. So like when I'm actually

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in the relationship, I want to be the easiest, like chill, whatever. Oh, easy. So easy to

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get along with you guys. I made an Instagram video today. Um, I'm doing the series called

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the audacity. Okay. And this woman basically was on the phone with her date and you know,

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telling him, Hey, I'm coming, you know, and stuff. And he's like, well, okay, get here

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because there's a super hot woman. The hottest woman I've ever seen is here. But you know,

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maybe when you get here, you'll be hotter than her. Excuse me, sir. Okay. But the reason

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why she showed up and this is what's so important is because women, especially American women,

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some European women aren't acting like this. Okay. Some South American women aren't acting

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like this, but, but specifically American women have been taught to give a lot of grace

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to and give a lot of chances to, but she was trying to be the chill girl. She's trying

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to be like, yeah, cool. Yeah. There's beautiful women everywhere. Yeah. No, excuse me. Excuse

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me, sir. No. If someone tells you before you even meet them in person that they are scoping

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out hot babes at your date before you arrive, guess what you don't do. You don't arrive.

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All right. You're like, good luck. I hope you're at a Hooters. I mean, we're done. We're

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done. Right. It's like the trailer to the movie. And you're like, yeah, this looks like

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a really bad movie. I'm not even going to show up for. So Jess, tell us how you are

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chill and trying not to be too, you know, too much trouble when you get into a relationship.

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I think I, I was never spoke up when something just preferences or like when I would speak

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up or something, it would usually be used against me. So then I would stop. I would

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be like, well, that's OK. You know, never mind. And stuff like that. And you guys just

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hear that. Did you hear what Jessa said? So not only did she tell us her pattern, but

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she also told us where it comes from. Did you guys all catch it? Because when I spoke

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up in the past about my needs or my wants, what happened? She was punished for it. So

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I was coming at her for it. And I bet you that all goes all the way back to childhood.

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Yeah, I'm the peacemaker in my family.

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Yeah, that's what happens. You guys see it. It's really clear to see. Sometimes it's harder

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to find the root. But for Jess, it's not hard to find the root. She learned because she

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was in a family that was not healthy, that it was easier to stay quiet, do what you're

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told, make people laugh, help people do whatever it takes to just be the person that does not

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get the brunt of anyone's anger.

285
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Yeah. And so when you get into relationship, you know, you don't express yourself, you

286
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don't.

287
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have opinions, you're trying not to get anyone to be upset at you, what ends up happening

288
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is you end up with people who actually don't want to know you. I'm just going to tell you

289
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right now, my son, who's now married, he dated a girl like this. She never had any opinions.

290
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She always wanted to go with the flow, do whatever he wanted to do. He was not romantically

291
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and she's beautiful girl. He was not romantically interested in her. And he said, mommy's like,

292
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she never has any opinions. She's like, she never tells me what she wants or, you know,

293
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it's like a good man. Y'all is not going to be attracted to you in that counterfeit because

294
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he wants to know you. And so any man that's okay with a woman who just goes with the flow,

295
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whatever he wants, always serving him, never expecting anything in return. Those are not

296
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good guys. Okay. At best, they are passive men that just like you to, you know, not need

297
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anything from them. And at worst they're abusive. Okay. So we don't want men like that.

298
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Any man that allows you to be in relationship with him for even a few weeks without expressing

299
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any of your needs, desires, wants, or opinions is not the guy for you. So Jess, we're putting

300
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you, we're putting Jess on notice right now that she is not allowed on her non-negotiable

301
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list. This is what she needs to add because of her pattern. She needs to add, you know,

302
00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:31.040
they have to be interested in getting to know me. They have to ask me questions. They

303
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have to, um, show up for me. You know, they have to, they can't be passive. They have

304
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to show up for me. They have to be interested in serving me, not just in me serving them.

305
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You need to see that from the very beginning, Jess, that's the kind of guy. Okay. Thank

306
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you. All right. Also, now this is up to Jess. It's not necessarily up to the guy, but another

307
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green flag for Jess is going to be that she is talking to someone or getting to know someone

308
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that makes her feel safe enough to express her needs because guys are not run mind readers.

309
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Now once again, she's not allowed to be in a relationship as far as this class is concerned

310
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with anyone who just is fine to just let her not express any needs, wants, or desires.

311
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She's not. Nope. That's, that's not the guy. Okay. But also men are not mind readers.

312
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So she has to feel safe enough to express her needs, wants, and desires. And so that

313
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will also be a green flag for her. All right, Jeanette, well, this is the last one we'll

314
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put you in groups. Uh, Cheryl, if you get ready to put people in groups and I probably

315
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need to make Cheryl a host. Okay. Jeanette, you're up. Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay. Um, let's

316
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see. I have been several of them. I've been the chill girl. Like, like you said, you,

317
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you act like you don't want anything, but really you do. And then when you do speak

318
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up, they don't have it for you. They don't want it for you. Um, okay. But we need to

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say, cause I, I like the way that you want to be called Victoria. I always call you Jeanette.

320
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Okay. Okay. So Victoria. So, um, I like the way you just said that. So let's pause there

321
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for a second before you continue. All right. That she doesn't speak up about what she wants.

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And part of the fear there is that if she does speak up, they're not going to have it

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to give, right? It's like, I'm not going to tell you that I want relationship. I'm not

324
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going to tell you that I want marriage. I'm not going to tell you that I want to be with

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someone who wants to have babies. Um, because I'm afraid that you're going to say no, or

326
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you're never going to want to see me again. Or, and here's the problem in very early relationship,

327
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it's okay not to put down your list of demands, but when you're in the chill girl or the passive

328
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guy script, you will let week after week, after week, after month go by without expressing

329
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the true desires of your heart, hoping that they're just falling so deeply in love with

330
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you that by the time you finally speak up about what you want, they're going to want

331
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it too. Okay, Victoria, go ahead.

332
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:35.760
So I'm so glad you had all these prompts because that was so helpful for me because I had not

333
00:24:35.760 --> 00:24:39.960
actually done this in a while. I've thought about it, but it's really good to actually

334
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write it down. Um, in my last two relationships, I had scarcity. Um, there was intermittent

335
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phone calls, intermittent texts with an emails and all that and meetups with the one. And

336
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the other one was, um, like the chill. It was like, I did actually say, why don't you

337
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want to hold my hand?

338
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hand, or, you know, I don't feel like you want to give me a hug and things like that.

339
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And he just was so defensive, like I would, like he was supposed to be respectful when

340
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really it had already been weeks and weeks and I thought the attention was there.

341
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And he just wasn't really putting his best foot forward in my mind, and made me feel

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bad for what I desired to have physical affection that was not sexual, physical affection, just

343
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a hand holding a hug.

344
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It took so long for him to get there, and I wasted so many years, but I'm grateful for

345
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it.

346
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Okay.

347
00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:34.960
But I want to say something, you guys, about what she's describing.

348
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A lot of people that have avoidant attachment, especially if it's way over here on the spectrum,

349
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you know, we always think of men, especially, and guys that are here, no offense to you,

350
00:25:44.040 --> 00:25:48.040
we're not throwing you under the bus, but men that are very, very avoidant, and I've

351
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coached several men like this, you know how we always think that men are really sexual

352
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and they're trying to push sex forward and push, you know, physical intimacy or even

353
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touch.

354
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You know, all the guys are like, physical touch is my love language.

355
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You know, we're trying to push it forward, push it forward, push it forward.

356
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Men that are severely avoidantly attached, they actually will not touch you.

357
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They won't hold your hand.

358
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They don't want to kiss you.

359
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You know why?

360
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Because in their minds, they think that they are making some sort of promise to you when

361
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they do that, or they're making, especially if they're Christians or they have morals,

362
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they're making some sort of contract with you that now they have to fulfill.

363
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They don't want to take it to that serious level of physical intimacy.

364
00:26:29.320 --> 00:26:30.920
But I've known Victoria for years now.

365
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.840
Okay, she's been in my program last year, single, back when it was Married in 12 Months

366
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or less, and I'm really proud of her because she's come a really long way, and if you don't

367
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mind, Victoria, I feel like this could be a great coaching moment because you have changed

368
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so much.

369
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But when she first came into my program, she was in a dead-end relationship where the guy

370
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just wasn't marrying her, and, you know, and I think that that's a result of that chill

371
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girl script, right?

372
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Because you were just being so easy, go with the flow.

373
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In fact, I remember having some coaching moments with you where you had not really expressed

374
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a lot of even really, really important needs that you had.

375
00:27:05.840 --> 00:27:06.840
And then guess what?

376
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When she started expressing that after getting some healing and getting some coaching in

377
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last year's single, they broke up, and they needed to break up years before.

378
00:27:14.260 --> 00:27:16.860
How many years were you with that guy?

379
00:27:16.860 --> 00:27:17.860
Nine and a half years.

380
00:27:17.860 --> 00:27:18.860
Wait.

381
00:27:18.860 --> 00:27:19.860
Yeah.

382
00:27:19.860 --> 00:27:20.860
Yeah.

383
00:27:20.860 --> 00:27:21.860
Exactly.

384
00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:23.660
And you know what?

385
00:27:23.660 --> 00:27:28.940
Let me just say, you told me when he didn't want to pick me up to move me from California

386
00:27:28.940 --> 00:27:32.860
to Washington, you told me to leave him, and I didn't.

387
00:27:32.860 --> 00:27:36.060
And it, you know, lasted another-

388
00:27:36.060 --> 00:27:37.060
You did, though, eventually.

389
00:27:37.060 --> 00:27:38.060
I did.

390
00:27:38.060 --> 00:27:39.060
I did.

391
00:27:39.060 --> 00:27:40.060
So-

392
00:27:40.060 --> 00:27:41.700
You guys, this guy was future faking her so hard.

393
00:27:41.700 --> 00:27:42.780
He lived in a different state.

394
00:27:42.780 --> 00:27:46.020
It was long distance, but, you know, when she finally was willing, because she does

395
00:27:46.020 --> 00:27:49.540
a lot of caretaking with her family, which a lot of you probably do with your elderly

396
00:27:49.540 --> 00:27:54.860
parents, or, you know, children that you're still raising, grandchildren maybe.

397
00:27:54.860 --> 00:28:01.100
When she finally was ready to pull the trigger and move to where he was, he wasn't even

398
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willing to help her move, because he never wanted her to move there in the first place.

399
00:28:05.180 --> 00:28:06.180
And I saw that.

400
00:28:06.180 --> 00:28:07.460
I saw it so quick.

401
00:28:07.460 --> 00:28:09.220
But now she sees it, and guess what?

402
00:28:09.220 --> 00:28:11.100
She's no longer in that relationship.

403
00:28:11.100 --> 00:28:12.100
And you know what?

404
00:28:12.100 --> 00:28:16.700
She'll never be in a relationship like that again, because she now knows herself, knows

405
00:28:16.700 --> 00:28:20.940
her value, knows her patterns, and she has non-negotiables that she will not violate

406
00:28:20.940 --> 00:28:21.940
going forward.

407
00:28:21.940 --> 00:28:23.700
Victoria, I'm so proud of you.

408
00:28:23.700 --> 00:28:25.020
I'm so proud of me, too.

409
00:28:25.020 --> 00:28:27.020
I'm so grateful for you.

410
00:28:27.020 --> 00:28:28.020
So grateful for you.

411
00:28:28.020 --> 00:28:29.020
All right.

412
00:28:29.020 --> 00:28:30.020
Good stuff.

413
00:28:30.020 --> 00:28:31.020
All right.

414
00:28:31.020 --> 00:28:33.060
We're going to put you guys in groups where you can tell each other your patterns.

415
00:28:33.060 --> 00:28:36.900
Guys, don't talk over each other, and I'm going to give you about 10 minutes to do this,

416
00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:38.500
because there's not that many people here tonight.

417
00:28:38.500 --> 00:28:41.540
There's only 36 of us, so it shouldn't take us long.

418
00:28:41.540 --> 00:28:47.020
So Cheryl, why don't we put them in groups of three, since there's only 36?

419
00:28:47.020 --> 00:28:48.020
So that's what?

420
00:28:48.020 --> 00:28:49.020
9, 3, 10, 11.

421
00:28:49.020 --> 00:28:50.020
11 groups?

422
00:28:50.020 --> 00:28:51.020
OK.

423
00:28:51.020 --> 00:28:52.020
12.

424
00:28:52.020 --> 00:28:53.020
12 groups?

425
00:28:53.020 --> 00:28:54.020
OK.

426
00:28:54.020 --> 00:28:55.020
So let's do that.

427
00:28:55.020 --> 00:28:56.020
12 times 3.

428
00:28:56.020 --> 00:28:57.020
36, right?

429
00:28:57.020 --> 00:28:58.020
Yeah.

430
00:28:58.020 --> 00:28:59.020
All right.

431
00:28:59.020 --> 00:29:04.620
You guys, you're going to see a little thing pop up that says join group, and you're just

432
00:29:04.620 --> 00:29:09.380
going to join, and I'll see you back here in 10 minutes.

433
00:29:09.380 --> 00:29:12.740
Remember, you're talking about the patterns that you saw in your dating autopsy.

434
00:29:39.380 --> 00:29:50.020
All right.

435
00:29:50.020 --> 00:29:51.020
Welcome back.

436
00:29:51.020 --> 00:29:52.020
Welcome back.

437
00:29:52.020 --> 00:29:53.980
Make sure you stay muted.

438
00:29:53.980 --> 00:29:59.900
When you come back in the classroom, sometimes you're unmuted, so go ahead and mute your

439
00:29:59.900 --> 00:30:00.900
phone.

440
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.320
phone, your computer.

441
00:30:00.900 --> 00:30:01.900
All right.

442
00:30:01.900 --> 00:30:02.900
Thank you.

443
00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:04.080
All right, so you guys,

444
00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:02.900


445
00:30:04.080 --> 00:30:06.160
I'm glad that you are getting to know each other

446
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:07.080
in these breakouts

447
00:30:07.080 --> 00:30:10.720
because we are building our relationship advisory circles.

448
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:12.720
And we're gonna talk about that in a few seconds.

449
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:14.200
But before we talk about that,

450
00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:17.360
I'd like to talk about dating apps.

451
00:30:17.360 --> 00:30:18.920
We know them, we love them.

452
00:30:18.920 --> 00:30:20.760
We love those dating apps, don't we?

453
00:30:20.760 --> 00:30:23.440
Raise your hand if you love dating apps.

454
00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:28.080
Not one person.

455
00:30:30.360 --> 00:30:31.680
All right.

456
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:32.840
No, we don't love them.

457
00:30:32.840 --> 00:30:35.400
But you guys, I'm not anti-app.

458
00:30:35.400 --> 00:30:36.880
I just wanna make sure that you understand that.

459
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:39.640
And if you read the portion of the book,

460
00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:40.480
that's your homework,

461
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:42.760
you would see that I'm not anti-app.

462
00:30:42.760 --> 00:30:44.720
They are a tool just like anything else.

463
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:45.840
I'm not anti-money.

464
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:47.880
People use money to do a lot of bad things,

465
00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:48.880
but I'm not against money.

466
00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:52.480
Money in the right hands can do a lot of good, right?

467
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:53.320
Why?

468
00:30:53.320 --> 00:30:54.360
Because it's a tool.

469
00:30:54.360 --> 00:30:58.240
Meaning that in the hands of someone healthy,

470
00:30:58.240 --> 00:30:59.720
someone who's a wise steward,

471
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:01.320
it's a great tool.

472
00:31:01.320 --> 00:31:02.600
In the hands of someone who's dark in their heart

473
00:31:02.600 --> 00:31:05.720
and who's bad, it's a dangerous tool, right?

474
00:31:05.720 --> 00:31:07.320
Same with dating apps.

475
00:31:07.320 --> 00:31:10.120
A lot of you do not like dating apps

476
00:31:10.120 --> 00:31:12.120
because you have encountered somebody

477
00:31:12.120 --> 00:31:14.640
who's using that tool incorrectly.

478
00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:18.240
You've encountered someone who was wasting your time.

479
00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:19.320
You've encountered someone

480
00:31:19.320 --> 00:31:22.800
who had some kind of diabolical motivation.

481
00:31:22.800 --> 00:31:25.280
You've just encountered the nonsense

482
00:31:25.280 --> 00:31:26.560
that happens on dating apps

483
00:31:26.560 --> 00:31:29.360
of just swiping and swiping and matching

484
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.760
and no one ever answering messages

485
00:31:31.760 --> 00:31:36.000
and just all the insane time-wasting practices

486
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:37.240
of dating apps.

487
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:40.520
So going forward for the next,

488
00:31:40.520 --> 00:31:41.360
we're in week two,

489
00:31:41.360 --> 00:31:42.920
for the next three weeks,

490
00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:44.400
I'm going to challenge you

491
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:47.240
to put your dating apps on pause.

492
00:31:48.800 --> 00:31:51.880
You read about that in your homework materials

493
00:31:51.880 --> 00:31:53.680
and now I'm telling you live

494
00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:54.520
so you can't say,

495
00:31:54.520 --> 00:31:57.200
well, I think that was just a suggestion.

496
00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:59.200
Jackie wasn't really asking us to do that.

497
00:32:00.040 --> 00:32:00.880
Yes, I am.

498
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:02.680
I'm asking you to put them on pause

499
00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:05.080
and if that makes you feel some kind of way

500
00:32:05.080 --> 00:32:07.080
in your heart, like desperate,

501
00:32:07.080 --> 00:32:09.840
like what if I miss out on my person?

502
00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:10.840
What if they're on there

503
00:32:10.840 --> 00:32:12.560
when I'm on this three-week sabbatical

504
00:32:12.560 --> 00:32:14.360
from dating apps and I don't meet them

505
00:32:14.360 --> 00:32:18.960
and ah, then we need to deal with that deeper root

506
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:20.760
of the fear of missing out.

507
00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:24.400
Also, that would play into the scarcity script, wouldn't it?

508
00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:27.400
That, you know, oh, I'm going to miss out on it

509
00:32:27.400 --> 00:32:29.040
and there's not enough to go around

510
00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:30.760
and if I'm not working this like a job,

511
00:32:30.760 --> 00:32:32.880
it's never going to happen for me.

512
00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:36.840
You know, there's only a couple weeks left of summer, yes.

513
00:32:36.840 --> 00:32:38.680
So basically, I'm asking you

514
00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:41.880
to go on a dating sabbatical from the apps.

515
00:32:41.880 --> 00:32:43.720
You guys, not a dating sabbatical,

516
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:47.920
dating app sabbatical until the first day of fall

517
00:32:48.840 --> 00:32:50.760
and I'm believing it's going to be

518
00:32:50.760 --> 00:32:52.240
a fall in love kind of fall.

519
00:32:54.240 --> 00:32:57.080
Now, the reason why is because I want you

520
00:32:57.080 --> 00:33:00.680
to show back up to those apps as a different type of dater,

521
00:33:00.680 --> 00:33:03.880
not a disgruntled dater, but a matchmaker,

522
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:06.760
someone who is able to become their own matchmaker

523
00:33:06.760 --> 00:33:07.880
and so for the next three weeks,

524
00:33:07.880 --> 00:33:10.000
I'm going to teach you how to become your own matchmaker

525
00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:11.120
and I'm also going to teach you

526
00:33:11.120 --> 00:33:13.800
how to become the matchmaker for others.

527
00:33:13.800 --> 00:33:16.040
Okay, we're going to talk about that advisory circle

528
00:33:16.040 --> 00:33:17.440
and really about the village

529
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:19.600
that we lost in just a few minutes.

530
00:33:19.600 --> 00:33:23.320
But first, I want to talk about the part of the book

531
00:33:23.320 --> 00:33:25.920
where I talk about doing the app audit.

532
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:28.200
Now, some of you are not on apps.

533
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:29.800
Raise your hand if you're just not on apps.

534
00:33:29.800 --> 00:33:31.360
You were on them maybe in the past,

535
00:33:31.360 --> 00:33:33.880
but you're just like, I hate them and I'm not on them.

536
00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:40.800
Okay, about 11 of you, all right.

537
00:33:42.600 --> 00:33:45.160
How many of you just use them very sporadically?

538
00:33:46.400 --> 00:33:49.160
By the way, this is not the way to win

539
00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:50.840
when it comes to the apps.

540
00:33:50.840 --> 00:33:52.480
If you did your homework assignment

541
00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:54.240
and you read through the chapters of the book

542
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:55.080
that I assigned you,

543
00:33:55.080 --> 00:33:57.480
you would see that the apps are actually based

544
00:33:57.480 --> 00:33:59.840
on the psychology of casinos.

545
00:33:59.840 --> 00:34:01.920
Did that surprise anyone?

546
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:03.080
That is what they're based on.

547
00:34:03.080 --> 00:34:05.800
So the engineers that created the very first dating apps

548
00:34:05.800 --> 00:34:08.560
and all the dating apps that have been made since then

549
00:34:08.560 --> 00:34:12.560
are all created on the psychology of casinos.

550
00:34:12.560 --> 00:34:14.280
Have you ever gone through a casino?

551
00:34:14.280 --> 00:34:16.120
Maybe you're in Vegas for a conference

552
00:34:16.120 --> 00:34:17.239
or maybe you just like Vegas.

553
00:34:17.239 --> 00:34:20.000
You walk through the casinos or maybe you live out West

554
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:22.120
and you've walked through the Indian owned casinos,

555
00:34:22.120 --> 00:34:25.199
which are the saddest places on earth, if you ask me.

556
00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:27.440
Okay, being a Cherokee Indian myself

557
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:29.639
and knowing that I probably could qualify

558
00:34:29.639 --> 00:34:32.280
for an eighth of a casino in a pickup truck.

559
00:34:32.280 --> 00:34:33.440
These places are sad.

560
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:37.000
They're filled with smoke and broken dreams.

561
00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:40.880
Yes, and there's always someone

562
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:43.880
with a whole bucket full of coins sitting at a slot machine

563
00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:45.800
hoping to win a winner chicken dinner.

564
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:48.719
Now, the way that slot machines are designed

565
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:51.400
is they're designed to give you small wins.

566
00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:53.679
And the reason why is because if you never won,

567
00:34:53.679 --> 00:34:54.920
would you keep playing?

568
00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:57.000
You wouldn't.

569
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:00.200
But what happens is, is you get.

570
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.240
these small wins that keep conditioning your mind to believe that the big win is coming.

571
00:35:05.240 --> 00:35:07.400
And so that's what dating apps will do for you.

572
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:11.120
And I didn't write this in the book, okay, because big dating is powerful.

573
00:35:11.120 --> 00:35:12.520
You know how big pharma is powerful?

574
00:35:12.520 --> 00:35:15.880
Well, big dating is powerful too.

575
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:20.680
The companies that own, the people, the individuals that own the organizations that own big dating

576
00:35:20.680 --> 00:35:21.680
are all the same.

577
00:35:21.680 --> 00:35:26.800
Just so you know, all of those apps are bought out and owned by the same entity.

578
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:30.480
There's a couple tiny little dating apps that are owned by individuals, and most of

579
00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:44.800
them are really niche markets, like Shoddy, which is for Indian daters, Holy, very clunky

580
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:49.160
Christian-only dating app, same with Salt, same with Ark.

581
00:35:49.160 --> 00:35:50.160
Ark is a little bit better.

582
00:35:50.160 --> 00:35:51.640
I did a little partnership with them.

583
00:35:51.640 --> 00:35:54.560
Now, I'm not giving you all these names of dating apps because I want you to run out

584
00:35:54.560 --> 00:36:01.000
and download them and get on them, okay, because you're going on a little fast, all

585
00:36:01.000 --> 00:36:02.000
right?

586
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:03.000
Okay.

587
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:09.080
So the reason why is because you got to clear the mindsets and everything else can accelerate.

588
00:36:09.080 --> 00:36:13.440
As we learn some new tools, as we learn a few things about ourselves, we will be able

589
00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:16.680
to accelerate and use these tools the way that they should be used.

590
00:36:16.680 --> 00:36:22.040
Now, the dating app audit was an exercise that I did with a group of people to kind

591
00:36:22.040 --> 00:36:24.960
of see ROI, return on investment.

592
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:26.680
You spent all this time swiping.

593
00:36:26.680 --> 00:36:28.480
How many dates have you gotten from it?

594
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:30.320
How many relationships have come from it?

595
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:31.320
Zero?

596
00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:32.320
Okay, guess what?

597
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:34.760
That's not working.

598
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:38.920
Would any of you continue to invest your money into something that you continue to lose money

599
00:36:38.920 --> 00:36:41.880
and you never earned any money?

600
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:47.280
Would you invest in a stock on Wall Street that kept going down, down, down, down, and

601
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:51.200
you never, you know, maybe it went up a little bit, but it continued to go down and there

602
00:36:51.200 --> 00:36:53.000
was no return on investment?

603
00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:55.000
Would any of you spend your time doing something?

604
00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.360
Would you go to the gym and work it like a job if you didn't lose a couple pounds on

605
00:36:59.360 --> 00:37:01.920
the scale, if you weren't getting more muscular or more fit?

606
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:05.700
No, you wouldn't, but we do this with dating apps.

607
00:37:05.700 --> 00:37:08.240
And here's the little dirty truth that you don't know.

608
00:37:08.240 --> 00:37:09.960
They're based on an algorithm.

609
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:13.600
I know this is going to be a scary thing for a lot of you, but when you upload your pictures

610
00:37:13.600 --> 00:37:18.480
and your profile to the big dating, dating apps, so we're talking Match, we're talking

611
00:37:18.680 --> 00:37:24.280
eHarmony, we're talking, yeah, even the ones that are designed to match you with people

612
00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:29.280
and be matchmakers, especially now that AI is involved with a lot of these apps, Hinge,

613
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:34.160
Bumble, you guys are all owned by the same people, right?

614
00:37:34.160 --> 00:37:37.360
And they're all based on a sliding scale.

615
00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:48.160
So for instance, Yesenia gets on the app, it rates her and then it shows her a lot of

616
00:37:48.200 --> 00:37:53.080
people who have a lower rating than her and just a couple people that it thinks that she

617
00:37:53.080 --> 00:37:54.880
would like based on what?

618
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:59.880
On her profile and on the conventional beauty of her face.

619
00:37:59.880 --> 00:38:05.080
Yes, friends, it's not random.

620
00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:07.160
And guess what then it does?

621
00:38:07.160 --> 00:38:12.800
It shows you a few people and some of those profiles are not even real.

622
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:16.640
It shows you, and I don't talk about scammers, I'm talking about catfish from the dating

623
00:38:16.640 --> 00:38:18.520
site itself.

624
00:38:18.520 --> 00:38:22.840
And then you swipe on those people, you match with those people, you get so excited because

625
00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:26.680
this is someone that you would actually want to talk to and then it doesn't work out or

626
00:38:26.680 --> 00:38:28.680
they never respond or whatever.

627
00:38:28.680 --> 00:38:33.960
And then the dating app asks you to spend more money seeing people that are interested

628
00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:35.520
in you.

629
00:38:35.520 --> 00:38:40.240
It asks you to use your credit card, swipe here if you want to see more people you might

630
00:38:40.240 --> 00:38:41.720
be interested in.

631
00:38:41.720 --> 00:38:44.040
How does it know what you might be interested in?

632
00:38:44.040 --> 00:38:46.400
Based on your swiping habits.

633
00:38:46.400 --> 00:38:48.600
Based on your face and what you look like.

634
00:38:48.600 --> 00:38:49.800
Based on where you live.

635
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:50.800
Based on your age.

636
00:38:50.800 --> 00:38:55.800
You guys, there's an algorithm and the algorithm is not what you think it is.

637
00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:59.720
The algorithm is to keep you putting quarters in the slot machine thinking you're going

638
00:38:59.720 --> 00:39:01.320
to win the big prize.

639
00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:04.280
Now, in spite of all this, do people meet on dating apps?

640
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:05.280
Yes, they do.

641
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:06.560
Do people get married off dating apps?

642
00:39:06.560 --> 00:39:08.120
Yes, they do.

643
00:39:08.120 --> 00:39:12.040
But in order for you to win at their game, because you guys know what they say about

644
00:39:12.040 --> 00:39:14.880
casinos, the house always wins.

645
00:39:14.880 --> 00:39:20.600
And so for you to win at the game of dating apps, you have to be very, very, very intentional.

646
00:39:20.600 --> 00:39:23.720
You have to know exactly what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

647
00:39:23.720 --> 00:39:30.240
And I'm going to teach you that before the end of this book club, all right?

648
00:39:30.240 --> 00:39:33.200
I have known people in my life that have gone to the casino.

649
00:39:33.200 --> 00:39:36.640
Where I lived in Ohio, we had a casino, it was called Hollywood Casino, it was a really

650
00:39:36.640 --> 00:39:38.800
big casino system.

651
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:44.320
And I knew people who didn't make enough at their job to pay their bills.

652
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:49.080
And so they would take their paycheck on Friday, and go to the casino hoping to hit it big,

653
00:39:49.080 --> 00:39:54.280
so that they could pay their bills, and maybe even have some fun money for later.

654
00:39:54.280 --> 00:39:56.140
They almost always lost all their money.

655
00:39:56.140 --> 00:39:57.140
You know why?

656
00:39:57.140 --> 00:40:00.040
Because when you go into a casino, in a mindset.

657
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.160
of desperation, you're going to lose. Every time. There's no beginner's luck there. You are going

658
00:40:08.160 --> 00:40:13.040
to get wiped out. And this is how people become gambling addicts. This is how people lose all

659
00:40:13.040 --> 00:40:20.720
their money. This is why people go to those, you know, pay here, get a loan on your paycheck till

660
00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:28.080
next Friday places. All right. That's why. And so you cannot treat your love life like a payday

661
00:40:28.080 --> 00:40:32.480
loan place. All right. It's important that we understand that we're not showing up in desperation.

662
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:37.520
We're not showing up in scarcity. We're not showing up, believing that this is our only hope

663
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:43.600
to find someone in the year 2026, because those mindsets are going to get you messed up on a

664
00:40:43.600 --> 00:40:50.400
dating app. So who is agreeing to go on a sabbatical with their dating apps, pause them

665
00:40:51.680 --> 00:40:56.720
until the end of this book club. Let me see your hands. There's 37 of you.

666
00:40:56.720 --> 00:41:02.000
I'd love it. If all 37 hands got raised, don't lie to me because it's an honor honor system. I'm

667
00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:07.040
not going to come to your house and look at your date nap. I'm not going to look at your screen time,

668
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:11.200
but if you really want ROI,

669
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:17.120
you guys, and even if this doesn't apply to you, because you don't have any dating apps,

670
00:41:17.120 --> 00:41:20.880
I'd like for you to still raise your hand so I can see how many people are on board.

671
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:23.600
So even if you don't think that it applies to everyone, leave your hands up.

672
00:41:24.240 --> 00:41:28.320
I want to see everyone who is willing, whether you're like, well, Jackie, I'm not on them anyway.

673
00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:31.920
I don't care. Raise your hand. If you're just saying, yes, I'm going to be off apps for the

674
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:36.720
next three weeks, regardless of you don't have them or you're just not. All right. There's 10

675
00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:42.800
people. There's eight people that are not going to do it. There's nine people that are saying,

676
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:48.960
no, that they will not commit to that. All right. You do you boo. All right. All right. You guys,

677
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:54.480
thank you for those that are willing to do that. You want to know why? Because I believe that when

678
00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:59.840
you do hit the ground, you're going to hit the ground running. How about that? All right. Okay.

679
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:04.400
So that's enough about dating apps. You know why they're a bad idea for people who are in

680
00:42:04.400 --> 00:42:08.560
desperation or with the wrong mindsets, or even people who don't know what app to be on or how

681
00:42:08.560 --> 00:42:13.280
to use it correctly. And I'm going to teach you all of that before the end of the book club.

682
00:42:14.160 --> 00:42:19.680
It's going to be great. All right. So let's talk about this week's homework and you're going to

683
00:42:19.680 --> 00:42:25.120
show up next week and you're going to talk about this, but this week's homework is about building

684
00:42:25.120 --> 00:42:28.880
your relationship advisory circle. Now this has been the hardest part of this book club for

685
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:33.120
everyone who has joined for the last three book clubs, because a lot of people realize when they

686
00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:36.800
get in this book club, that they really don't know a lot of people and they don't have a lot

687
00:42:36.800 --> 00:42:41.040
of trusted people in their lives. And they don't have a lot of people that are interested in their

688
00:42:41.040 --> 00:42:46.240
love lives, or even hoping that they are able to meet someone great and get married. And that's

689
00:42:46.240 --> 00:42:51.440
really sad because there used to be this thing called the village and all of us were part of it.

690
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:56.000
And the village really cared about your love life. The village wanted to see you happily married. It

691
00:42:56.000 --> 00:43:00.480
wanted to see you having children, or it wanted to see you raising children together that were

692
00:43:00.480 --> 00:43:05.600
going to become amazing members of society. That's what the village loved. The village match made you.

693
00:43:05.600 --> 00:43:10.000
The village was involved in your love life. Maybe even a little nosy at times, trying to keep you

694
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:14.880
safe from making the wrong decisions. That's what the village was. And we lost the village.

695
00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:18.720
We lost the village when we moved into the cities. We lost the village when we moved away from our

696
00:43:18.720 --> 00:43:22.880
families. We lost the village when we've had broken and dysfunctional families to begin with.

697
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:28.720
We lost the village when we, for whatever reason, didn't date in high school or college. Maybe we

698
00:43:28.720 --> 00:43:32.320
didn't go to either one of those things, or if we did, maybe we didn't have friends.

699
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:37.040
Maybe we had self-esteem issues. Maybe we never really got deeply involved with other people.

700
00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:41.200
Maybe we went to churches where it was us four and no more, and there were never

701
00:43:41.200 --> 00:43:44.960
any other single people there. But we stayed there because out of loyalty,

702
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:49.440
we stayed there because we liked the people that were there, even though there was no

703
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:54.800
romantic prospects for us. Maybe we were part of the generation that ran off to develop careers

704
00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:59.760
and travel and do all that stuff. And we just lost touch with the people that cared about us

705
00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:04.400
most, or the people that would make up this advisory circle. Guys, it's time to rebuild

706
00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:08.480
the village. And that's part of what we do at Last Year Single. I have a new app coming out. I

707
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:12.320
want to let you know it's almost done, and I'm so excited about it. And not only does it house

708
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:16.960
all of the courses and all of the coaching of Last Year Single, but it also is going to house

709
00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:21.680
our community-based matchmaking. So I'm bringing back the village. I'm not just talking about it.

710
00:44:21.680 --> 00:44:26.400
I'm actually doing it. And that is going to be part of the Last Year Single subscription really

711
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:32.000
soon. And it's even going to have a Jackie's list, which is my list of vetted out men,

712
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:39.360
you heard it, that you can bet your bottom dollar on because I have interviewed them. I have done

713
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:44.560
life with them. I have decided that they can go on Jackie's list. And yes, gentlemen, there will

714
00:44:44.560 --> 00:44:49.040
be women on that list as well. But the rest of you are going to be in a community that's by

715
00:44:49.040 --> 00:44:53.920
invitation only. What if you could be part of a singles community that there's no randos there?

716
00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:58.400
There's no one there that's there for the wrong reasons. Everyone's been vetted out. And if

717
00:44:58.400 --> 00:44:59.840
someone slips through the cracks and

718
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.240
gets there that shouldn't be there,

719
00:45:02.240 --> 00:45:04.280
they get quickly removed.

720
00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:05.780
How about that?

721
00:45:05.780 --> 00:45:08.520
It's a one-strike-you're-out policy.

722
00:45:08.520 --> 00:45:11.440
So the first time someone dates someone from that community

723
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:15.080
and they end up trying to get a little handsy, you're gone.

724
00:45:15.080 --> 00:45:18.320
They end up not being who they said, straight to jail.

725
00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:19.960
All right?

726
00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:21.360
Very, very, very fun.

727
00:45:21.360 --> 00:45:22.520
All right, and trust me,

728
00:45:22.520 --> 00:45:27.520
I love kicking people out of things if they belong out.

729
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:29.900
Okay.

730
00:45:29.900 --> 00:45:32.400
Right, I will say, and I'm so happy to say,

731
00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:34.440
in six years that we have had,

732
00:45:34.440 --> 00:45:36.000
married in 12 months and last year single,

733
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:39.180
we've only had to kick out probably less than 10 people

734
00:45:40.100 --> 00:45:41.640
out of thousands of people.

735
00:45:41.640 --> 00:45:43.680
So that tells you that we attract

736
00:45:43.680 --> 00:45:45.380
a lot of good people already, so.

737
00:45:45.380 --> 00:45:47.080
Okay, let's talk about

738
00:45:47.080 --> 00:45:49.720
building your relationship advisory circle

739
00:45:49.720 --> 00:45:53.080
and something called the six degrees of separation.

740
00:45:53.080 --> 00:45:54.260
You read about it in my book.

741
00:45:54.260 --> 00:45:57.920
Some of you probably have heard this term before.

742
00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:00.780
Some of you may have heard the six degrees to Kevin Bacon,

743
00:46:00.780 --> 00:46:03.080
which is a fun game that people play

744
00:46:03.080 --> 00:46:07.820
trying to guess how many movies get to Kevin Bacon

745
00:46:07.820 --> 00:46:09.460
or how many actors in movies

746
00:46:09.460 --> 00:46:12.500
lead to Kevin Bacon, the actor, okay?

747
00:46:12.500 --> 00:46:15.200
They purposely chose someone a little bit obscure,

748
00:46:15.200 --> 00:46:16.960
an actor that's a little bit more obscure.

749
00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:19.540
Not that a lot of us Gen Xers

750
00:46:19.540 --> 00:46:21.100
don't know who Kevin Bacon is.

751
00:46:21.100 --> 00:46:22.780
I mean, Footloose, come on.

752
00:46:22.780 --> 00:46:25.280
Footloose, right?

753
00:46:25.280 --> 00:46:26.540
And if you don't know who Kevin Bacon is,

754
00:46:26.540 --> 00:46:27.540
that is who he is.

755
00:46:28.300 --> 00:46:30.260
He is the dude whose genes are way too tight

756
00:46:30.260 --> 00:46:32.140
in the movie Footloose, right?

757
00:46:32.140 --> 00:46:33.100
The main character.

758
00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:35.980
But they redid that movie.

759
00:46:35.980 --> 00:46:36.800
Did you guys know that?

760
00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:38.680
They made like a redo of that movie

761
00:46:38.680 --> 00:46:41.440
and it's not good and I don't understand.

762
00:46:41.440 --> 00:46:45.220
But the original with the Kenny Loggins song Footloose,

763
00:46:45.220 --> 00:46:46.880
very, very good movie.

764
00:46:46.880 --> 00:46:48.980
It's all about a little religious town

765
00:46:48.980 --> 00:46:50.320
that won't let them dance.

766
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:53.260
Let them dance, pastor, let them dance.

767
00:46:53.260 --> 00:46:55.320
Okay, anyway, go watch it.

768
00:46:55.320 --> 00:46:56.600
It's good, it's good stuff.

769
00:46:56.660 --> 00:46:57.460
You'll like it.

770
00:46:58.760 --> 00:46:59.960
I think this is where the rumor

771
00:46:59.960 --> 00:47:02.620
about the rebellious pastor's daughter comes from

772
00:47:02.620 --> 00:47:04.060
because this movie was all about

773
00:47:04.060 --> 00:47:06.600
the rebellious, wild pastor's daughter.

774
00:47:06.600 --> 00:47:08.460
And I think that that's where that stereotype

775
00:47:08.460 --> 00:47:10.340
probably stems from.

776
00:47:10.340 --> 00:47:13.100
But Kevin Bacon, kind of obscure,

777
00:47:13.100 --> 00:47:15.040
sort of known, sort of not known.

778
00:47:15.040 --> 00:47:17.740
But the theory goes that you can,

779
00:47:17.740 --> 00:47:19.480
six actors to Kevin Bacon

780
00:47:19.480 --> 00:47:22.840
or six degrees of separation to Kevin Bacon, okay?

781
00:47:22.860 --> 00:47:27.860
And so it comes from a bigger social experiment

782
00:47:28.420 --> 00:47:30.200
called the six degrees of separation.

783
00:47:30.200 --> 00:47:32.100
And in a nutshell, it just says this.

784
00:47:32.100 --> 00:47:34.340
Every one of you is six people away

785
00:47:34.340 --> 00:47:38.080
from knowing everyone in the eight billion plus world.

786
00:47:39.100 --> 00:47:41.640
Six people away from knowing everyone

787
00:47:41.640 --> 00:47:44.180
in the eight billion plus world.

788
00:47:44.180 --> 00:47:46.280
Now, remember when this social experiment was done,

789
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:47.680
there was less people in the world.

790
00:47:47.680 --> 00:47:49.660
I think there was only like six something million.

791
00:47:49.660 --> 00:47:51.980
And I think, in my opinion,

792
00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:54.160
that we're probably less than six people away

793
00:47:54.160 --> 00:47:56.700
from knowing everyone in the world.

794
00:47:56.700 --> 00:47:59.700
It just takes someone who's willing to connect the dots.

795
00:47:59.700 --> 00:48:01.000
I can tell you sitting here

796
00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:03.960
that I'm one degree of separation from Justin Bieber.

797
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:07.060
I'm also one degree of separation from Donald Trump.

798
00:48:08.720 --> 00:48:10.200
Two very different people.

799
00:48:10.200 --> 00:48:11.800
And I'm only one degree of separation.

800
00:48:11.800 --> 00:48:15.240
That means I know someone personally

801
00:48:15.240 --> 00:48:19.000
who is in relationship with both of those men.

802
00:48:19.500 --> 00:48:20.820
A little crazy.

803
00:48:20.820 --> 00:48:25.820
I am one degree of separation from Wonder Woman,

804
00:48:25.820 --> 00:48:26.660
Linda Carter.

805
00:48:26.660 --> 00:48:28.100
Remember Wonder Woman?

806
00:48:28.100 --> 00:48:29.780
I'm friends with her sister.

807
00:48:30.620 --> 00:48:32.220
I know Linda Carter's sister.

808
00:48:34.620 --> 00:48:35.460
Crazy.

809
00:48:36.900 --> 00:48:38.220
So go ahead and put in the chat,

810
00:48:38.220 --> 00:48:40.700
just to kind of drive home this point,

811
00:48:40.700 --> 00:48:42.740
who are you one degree of separation

812
00:48:42.740 --> 00:48:45.620
from that other people would know their name?

813
00:48:45.620 --> 00:48:46.740
Go ahead and put that in the chat.

814
00:48:46.960 --> 00:48:48.080
Go ahead and put that in the chat.

815
00:48:48.080 --> 00:48:49.080
What famous person?

816
00:48:49.080 --> 00:48:51.060
Are you one or two degrees of separation?

817
00:48:51.060 --> 00:48:53.640
So there's two people in between you and them.

818
00:48:53.640 --> 00:48:57.120
Maybe your cousin's cousin works for them,

819
00:48:57.120 --> 00:48:58.760
or you know, whatever.

820
00:48:58.760 --> 00:49:00.460
Go ahead and put that in the chat.

821
00:49:04.080 --> 00:49:08.100
And no, we're not gonna ask for an introduction, okay?

822
00:49:09.860 --> 00:49:13.520
The King of Spain, the late Dr. Miles Monroe, Dave Ramsey.

823
00:49:13.520 --> 00:49:16.640
I'm also one degree of separation from Dave Ramsey.

824
00:49:17.420 --> 00:49:20.340
You guys, I'm zero degrees of separation from Annie Downs.

825
00:49:20.340 --> 00:49:21.260
If you know who she is,

826
00:49:21.260 --> 00:49:24.420
the New York Times bestselling author, she's my friend.

827
00:49:24.420 --> 00:49:27.140
I'm not even one degree of separation.

828
00:49:27.140 --> 00:49:29.980
I'm also one degree of separation from Elon Musk,

829
00:49:30.960 --> 00:49:34.980
Dr. Phil, the brand Korn, Fauci.

830
00:49:34.980 --> 00:49:36.480
No one's trying to pull that.

831
00:49:37.700 --> 00:49:41.100
No one's trying to pull that reference.

832
00:49:41.100 --> 00:49:42.420
Etta James.

833
00:49:47.540 --> 00:49:49.920
Sylvester Stallone, come on, y'all.

834
00:49:50.940 --> 00:49:52.340
Get it up there.

835
00:49:54.740 --> 00:49:57.340
I'm one degree of separation from Joel Osteen.

836
00:49:57.340 --> 00:49:59.900
I'm also one degree of separation from Joyce Meyer.

837
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.640
I'm one degree of separation from Lisa Bevere.

838
00:50:02.640 --> 00:50:05.320
I was on her daughter-in-law's podcast, Christian Bevere.

839
00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:08.720
I know Christian, we're friends.

840
00:50:08.720 --> 00:50:09.720
I know a lot of people.

841
00:50:09.720 --> 00:50:14.400
In fact, my old business partner, I'm one degree of separation from pretty much every

842
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:21.440
famous Christian that you've ever met or you've ever known of because he has a really popular

843
00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:27.360
podcast that all of those people come on.

844
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:32.560
So friends, the bottom line is, is that if you knew all the people that the people you

845
00:50:32.560 --> 00:50:37.040
knew knew, you'd be six degrees of separation from everyone in the world.

846
00:50:37.040 --> 00:50:40.800
And I know that that sounds crazy, but it's been proven you guys, the social experiment

847
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:41.840
is social science.

848
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:42.840
It was proven.

849
00:50:42.840 --> 00:50:47.760
It was proven with an experiment that I won't get into because it's a little bit complicated.

850
00:50:47.760 --> 00:50:51.760
But the bottom line is, is somebody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows your

851
00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:54.400
spirit mate.

852
00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:57.840
Somebody is having dinner with your future husband or wife right now.

853
00:50:57.840 --> 00:50:59.280
Someone has invited them over.

854
00:50:59.280 --> 00:51:01.040
Someone had coffee with them this morning.

855
00:51:01.040 --> 00:51:05.760
Someone sat in cube world next to them all day today that you know, that knows someone

856
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:08.040
that you know, that knows someone that you know.

857
00:51:08.040 --> 00:51:09.920
Sorry, it's true.

858
00:51:09.920 --> 00:51:10.920
And you know how I know?

859
00:51:10.920 --> 00:51:13.920
Because I'm a matchmaker and I've been a matchmaker since I was a little girl.

860
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:17.360
I've helped 15 of my friends get married before I ever started doing this professionally.

861
00:51:17.360 --> 00:51:24.360
And I can tell you when I play back the tapes of any of my matches, they knew the same people.

862
00:51:25.040 --> 00:51:27.080
During different seasons of their life.

863
00:51:27.080 --> 00:51:31.560
I have never had a match or a success story in last year single that when they started

864
00:51:31.560 --> 00:51:38.640
comparing notes, they did not have people, places and seasons in common.

865
00:51:38.640 --> 00:51:42.880
Do you believe me?

866
00:51:42.880 --> 00:51:44.400
They did.

867
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:46.800
They went to the same high school, different years.

868
00:51:46.800 --> 00:51:51.200
They lived in the same small town, but went to high school at different years.

869
00:51:51.200 --> 00:51:53.840
They had a sibling that went to college.

870
00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:57.960
They had a friend that roomed with their sibling at college.

871
00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:06.280
So their friend's roommate in college was their sibling.

872
00:52:06.280 --> 00:52:08.680
They worked at the same company.

873
00:52:08.680 --> 00:52:09.760
They've been to the same weddings.

874
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:13.520
They've been to the same restaurants.

875
00:52:13.520 --> 00:52:14.520
People always love the story.

876
00:52:14.520 --> 00:52:15.520
So I'm going to go ahead and tell it.

877
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:17.980
David, my husband moved in next door to me.

878
00:52:17.980 --> 00:52:19.320
He became my next door neighbor.

879
00:52:19.320 --> 00:52:21.320
That's how I met him.

880
00:52:21.320 --> 00:52:27.160
But after we started dating and even got married, I realized that I had seen him two

881
00:52:27.160 --> 00:52:30.160
years before he moved in next door to me.

882
00:52:30.160 --> 00:52:31.160
Where?

883
00:52:31.160 --> 00:52:32.160
I'm glad you asked.

884
00:52:32.160 --> 00:52:36.920
I was at an outdoor carnival at a mega church that was not my church, that I did not attend,

885
00:52:36.920 --> 00:52:39.120
but my friends attended that church.

886
00:52:39.120 --> 00:52:42.720
Several of my friends attended that church and they invited me to this picnic with the

887
00:52:42.720 --> 00:52:44.040
pastor event.

888
00:52:44.040 --> 00:52:47.520
So I went because it had carnival rides and I had a little girl.

889
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:52.360
So I took my, at the time, four-year-old to this carnival so she could have fun.

890
00:52:52.360 --> 00:52:57.800
They had this huge jumbotron outside that was showing videos, funny videos, prank videos

891
00:52:57.800 --> 00:52:59.840
of the staff of this church.

892
00:52:59.840 --> 00:53:03.760
They had played all these practical jokes and pranks on the staff of their church and

893
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:04.760
they had filmed it.

894
00:53:04.760 --> 00:53:08.320
It's a television church, like a church that's on TV.

895
00:53:08.320 --> 00:53:11.640
They were really well done videos and they were very, very funny.

896
00:53:11.640 --> 00:53:17.240
The last video that played before I left the carnival was a video about this youth pastor

897
00:53:17.960 --> 00:53:18.960
that they had and he was getting pranked.

898
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:21.760
It was a super funny prank and I was laughing.

899
00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:28.440
I also felt really familiar with the main character of the prank, the youth pastor.

900
00:53:28.440 --> 00:53:29.440
I was like, I know that guy.

901
00:53:29.440 --> 00:53:30.440
Why do I know that guy?

902
00:53:30.440 --> 00:53:31.440
I don't go to church here.

903
00:53:31.440 --> 00:53:32.440
Where have I seen him before?

904
00:53:32.440 --> 00:53:33.440
How do I know him?

905
00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:34.440
Did I go to school with him?

906
00:53:34.440 --> 00:53:35.440
Did we used to work together somewhere?

907
00:53:35.440 --> 00:53:36.440
He's so familiar.

908
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:37.440
I know that I know him.

909
00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:38.440
I asked my friend who invited me, hey, who is that?

910
00:53:38.440 --> 00:53:39.440
That's our youth pastor.

911
00:53:39.440 --> 00:53:40.440
Okay.

912
00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:41.440
I said, I feel like I know him from somewhere.

913
00:53:41.440 --> 00:53:42.440
She was like, I don't know him.

914
00:53:42.600 --> 00:53:43.600
He's gone to church here since he was 14.

915
00:53:43.600 --> 00:53:44.600
You don't know him from church.

916
00:53:44.600 --> 00:53:45.600
I was like, okay.

917
00:53:45.600 --> 00:53:46.600
I was like, well, do you know anything else about him?

918
00:53:46.600 --> 00:53:47.600
No.

919
00:53:47.600 --> 00:53:48.600
Then I just forgot about it and moved on with my life.

920
00:53:48.600 --> 00:53:49.600
Two years later, a guy moved in next door to me and we fell in love and we got married.

921
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:50.600
One year later, we were moving into a bigger house for our growing blended family and he

922
00:53:50.600 --> 00:53:51.600
popped in a VCR tape.

923
00:53:51.600 --> 00:53:52.600
That's how old this guy was.

924
00:53:52.600 --> 00:53:53.600
He was like, I'm so excited.

925
00:53:53.600 --> 00:53:54.600
I'm so excited.

926
00:53:54.600 --> 00:53:55.600
I'm so excited.

927
00:53:55.600 --> 00:53:56.600
I'm so excited.

928
00:53:56.600 --> 00:53:57.600
I'm so excited.

929
00:53:57.600 --> 00:53:58.600
I'm so excited.

930
00:53:58.600 --> 00:53:59.600
I'm so excited.

931
00:53:59.600 --> 00:54:00.600
I'm so excited.

932
00:54:00.600 --> 00:54:01.600
I'm so excited.

933
00:54:01.600 --> 00:54:02.600
I'm so excited.

934
00:54:02.600 --> 00:54:03.600
I'm so excited.

935
00:54:03.600 --> 00:54:04.600
I'm so excited.

936
00:54:05.600 --> 00:54:20.600
He was like, I want you to see this funny video.

937
00:54:20.600 --> 00:54:23.560
He's like, the church played a prank on me when I was the youth pastor.

938
00:54:23.560 --> 00:54:28.320
Guess who was in the video that I felt so drawn to three years earlier when I saw him

939
00:54:28.320 --> 00:54:29.680
on the Jumbotron.

940
00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:32.760
My future husband.

941
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:34.300
I knew I knew him from somewhere.

942
00:54:34.300 --> 00:54:37.220
I knew him from the future.

943
00:54:37.220 --> 00:54:38.460
Why did I feel so drawn to him?

944
00:54:38.460 --> 00:54:39.740
Because he's written in my story.

945
00:54:39.740 --> 00:54:40.740
That's why.

946
00:54:40.740 --> 00:54:45.860
Now that doesn't mean that I believe in predestination and it doesn't mean I believe in the one.

947
00:54:45.860 --> 00:54:49.700
It just means that he became my neighbor.

948
00:54:49.700 --> 00:54:52.940
I had an opportunity to say no to him and to not marry him.

949
00:54:52.940 --> 00:54:56.820
Trust me, it was very, very complicated, but I did anyway.

950
00:54:56.820 --> 00:55:00.020
I pressed through all of my doubts, all of my fears, all of my.

951
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.060
drama and trauma and I married that man anyway and guess what, he's the dude from the video.

952
00:55:06.060 --> 00:55:10.960
So crazy things happen friends and when you have your love story, you're going to look

953
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:13.960
back, you're going to compare notes, you're going to connect the dots and you're going

954
00:55:13.960 --> 00:55:20.520
to see that you were in each other's ecosystems, solar systems all along, all right?

955
00:55:20.520 --> 00:55:21.520
All along.

956
00:55:21.520 --> 00:55:25.060
Okay, so let's talk about this advisory circle.

957
00:55:25.060 --> 00:55:28.480
Three to five people, if you can only come up with two that's fine, I'll take two,

958
00:55:28.700 --> 00:55:31.460
you can start off with two if you need to, all right?

959
00:55:31.460 --> 00:55:37.380
And here's the criteria of the people that you're going to ask, physically ask to be

960
00:55:37.380 --> 00:55:39.560
part of your advisory circle.

961
00:55:39.560 --> 00:55:42.680
Number one, they have to know you well.

962
00:55:42.680 --> 00:55:46.560
The real you, the real you.

963
00:55:46.560 --> 00:55:51.360
They have to be able to be honest with you about yourself, your patterns, whatever.

964
00:55:51.360 --> 00:55:54.020
You have to trust this person, okay?

965
00:55:54.020 --> 00:55:58.320
Number two, they are honest with you.

966
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:05.000
They're not just kind, they would be willing to tell you if something seemed off to them

967
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:06.000
with someone that you're dating.

968
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:08.760
Because remember, they're not going to just help play matchmaker, they're also going to

969
00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:12.600
help play matchbreaker if necessary, all right?

970
00:56:12.600 --> 00:56:17.720
Three, they have networks of people different than yours.

971
00:56:17.720 --> 00:56:22.520
Don't add your best friend on here that knows four people and you know the same four people,

972
00:56:22.520 --> 00:56:25.720
all right?

973
00:56:25.720 --> 00:56:27.560
What's the use of that?

974
00:56:27.560 --> 00:56:30.200
They need to have different circles than you.

975
00:56:30.200 --> 00:56:33.240
You can have a couple of the same circles, but they need to have other circles, meaning

976
00:56:33.240 --> 00:56:37.680
they work somewhere else that you don't work, they have other hobbies and other friend groups

977
00:56:37.680 --> 00:56:40.240
that you're not a part of, okay?

978
00:56:40.240 --> 00:56:43.100
You trust them enough to be vulnerable with them.

979
00:56:43.100 --> 00:56:46.640
So you're going to not just be real, they not only know the real you, but you're also

980
00:56:46.640 --> 00:56:49.840
feel like you can be real with them, okay?

981
00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:54.800
Very important because the advisory circle relationship requires trust.

982
00:56:54.800 --> 00:56:55.800
Now what do they do?

983
00:56:55.800 --> 00:56:57.960
They have two jobs.

984
00:56:57.960 --> 00:57:03.160
The job, the first job is after you do your non-negotiables and preference list, which

985
00:57:03.160 --> 00:57:08.040
will start next week, you're going to let them know not only that you want to be married

986
00:57:08.040 --> 00:57:13.040
and that you're ready to be married, but this is exactly what you're looking for.

987
00:57:13.040 --> 00:57:16.080
And they're going to help keep their eyes open, they're going to make introductions

988
00:57:16.080 --> 00:57:19.760
for you, they're going to ask other people to make introductions for you.

989
00:57:19.760 --> 00:57:23.840
They have to be someone who really is invested in your love story and wants to see you win,

990
00:57:23.840 --> 00:57:27.640
wants to see you in love and wants to see you happily married, okay?

991
00:57:27.640 --> 00:57:31.480
Not someone who's always talking you out of getting married, thinks that you should be

992
00:57:31.480 --> 00:57:35.440
single, thinks you should be happy to be single, thinks that you should love God more.

993
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:39.260
If you just love God more than you wouldn't want to be married, that person does not belong

994
00:57:39.260 --> 00:57:42.140
in your advisory circle, okay?

995
00:57:42.140 --> 00:57:45.800
Anyone who's negative about your age, about the fact that you've been married before and

996
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:49.160
divorced and that you shouldn't be married again, none of those people should be on your

997
00:57:49.160 --> 00:57:50.160
advisory circle.

998
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:54.400
They might love you, but they don't qualify for this, all right?

999
00:57:54.400 --> 00:57:58.520
And then job two is just that they're going to be honest about what they observe.

1000
00:57:58.520 --> 00:58:03.200
If you start dating someone, because you all are all going to start dating people, okay?

1001
00:58:03.200 --> 00:58:05.340
There's going to be an acceleration that follows this book club.

1002
00:58:05.340 --> 00:58:08.720
If you're really digging and do this work, you're going to accelerate.

1003
00:58:08.720 --> 00:58:11.360
And if you go into the last year single, you're really going to accelerate.

1004
00:58:11.360 --> 00:58:17.100
And here's the thing, they have to be people that you allow to, in your love life, no more

1005
00:58:17.100 --> 00:58:19.100
dating in the dark.

1006
00:58:19.100 --> 00:58:20.300
You're going to tell them who you're seeing.

1007
00:58:20.300 --> 00:58:22.460
You're going to tell them why you're seeing them.

1008
00:58:22.460 --> 00:58:24.180
You're going to introduce them to them.

1009
00:58:24.180 --> 00:58:26.500
If they live long distance, you're going to do a Zoom call.

1010
00:58:26.500 --> 00:58:28.860
If you decide that you want a relationship with this person, you're going to become a

1011
00:58:28.860 --> 00:58:30.500
boyfriend or a girlfriend.

1012
00:58:30.500 --> 00:58:32.340
You're going to let them meet them.

1013
00:58:32.340 --> 00:58:37.860
You're going to let them give you feedback about what they see when they meet them, especially

1014
00:58:37.860 --> 00:58:38.920
what they see in you.

1015
00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:40.260
How are you acting?

1016
00:58:40.260 --> 00:58:41.260
Are you being yourself?

1017
00:58:41.260 --> 00:58:43.620
Because remember, they know you really well.

1018
00:58:43.620 --> 00:58:50.660
And so you are going to allow those watchful, loving, wise eyes on your love life.

1019
00:58:50.660 --> 00:58:51.660
Okay?

1020
00:58:51.660 --> 00:58:52.660
All right.

1021
00:58:52.660 --> 00:58:56.100
People have asked me in the past, can they be a family member?

1022
00:58:56.100 --> 00:58:59.900
If they fit the criteria, can they be the opposite sex of you?

1023
00:58:59.900 --> 00:59:02.540
Like ladies, can you have a man in your advisory circle?

1024
00:59:02.540 --> 00:59:03.540
A thousand percent.

1025
00:59:03.540 --> 00:59:04.540
Ladies, you can...

1026
00:59:04.540 --> 00:59:06.580
Men, you can have a lady in your advisory circle.

1027
00:59:06.580 --> 00:59:10.960
In fact, men, you probably need a lady in your advisory circle, okay?

1028
00:59:10.960 --> 00:59:11.960
Women are wise.

1029
00:59:11.960 --> 00:59:12.960
They have intuition.

1030
00:59:13.360 --> 00:59:14.360
You want that.

1031
00:59:14.360 --> 00:59:18.040
You know, a guy in your advisory circle might just be like, she looks good to me.

1032
00:59:18.040 --> 00:59:25.480
No, no, no, no.

1033
00:59:25.480 --> 00:59:27.840
I was going to say something so religious just now.

1034
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:31.080
You guys, I don't believe in the Jezebel spirit like that, but I was gonna say Jezebel look

1035
00:59:31.080 --> 00:59:32.080
good too.

1036
00:59:32.080 --> 00:59:33.080
No, I'm just kidding.

1037
00:59:33.080 --> 00:59:35.960
Just had to get a little religious on you.

1038
00:59:35.960 --> 00:59:38.400
I'm totally kidding.

1039
00:59:38.400 --> 00:59:42.680
Do not write in about me saying the word Jezebel, all right?

1040
00:59:43.400 --> 00:59:44.400
Do not send us an email.

1041
00:59:44.400 --> 00:59:45.400
Okay.

1042
00:59:45.400 --> 00:59:46.400
All right.

1043
00:59:46.400 --> 00:59:47.400
Okay.

1044
00:59:47.400 --> 00:59:48.400
So your advisory circle, there is a worksheet.

1045
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:49.400
It's in the app.

1046
00:59:49.400 --> 00:59:50.400
Make sure that you are doing the things.

1047
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:51.400
Do it.

1048
00:59:51.400 --> 00:59:52.400
Do it.

1049
00:59:52.400 --> 00:59:53.400
Do it.

1050
00:59:53.400 --> 00:59:54.400
Do it.

1051
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:55.400
Do it.

1052
00:59:55.400 --> 00:59:56.400
Do it.

1053
00:59:56.400 --> 00:59:57.400
Do it.

1054
00:59:57.400 --> 00:59:58.400
Do it.

1055
00:59:58.400 --> 00:59:59.400
Do it.

1056
00:59:59.400 --> 01:00:00.400
Do it.

1057
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.180
building the things.

1058
01:00:00.400 --> 01:00:01.400
Do it.

1059
01:00:01.180 --> 01:00:03.420
A lot of you are like, I don't even have one person.

1060
01:00:01.400 --> 01:00:02.400
Do it.

1061
01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:03.400
Do it.

1062
01:00:03.400 --> 01:00:04.400
Do it.

1063
01:00:03.420 --> 01:00:05.580
Well, you might meet that person here,

1064
01:00:04.400 --> 01:00:05.400
Do it.

1065
01:00:05.400 --> 01:00:06.400
Do it.

1066
01:00:05.580 --> 01:00:07.740
because you need at least two people.

1067
01:00:06.400 --> 01:00:07.400
Do it.

1068
01:00:07.400 --> 01:00:08.400
Do it.

1069
01:00:07.740 --> 01:00:08.980
Three would be wonderful.

1070
01:00:08.400 --> 01:00:09.400
Do it.

1071
01:00:08.980 --> 01:00:12.740
Five would be good, as long as they're not like all

1072
01:00:09.400 --> 01:00:10.400
Do it.

1073
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:11.400
Do it.

1074
01:00:11.400 --> 01:00:12.400
Do it.

1075
01:00:12.740 --> 01:00:14.140
warring with each other.

1076
01:00:14.140 --> 01:00:15.620
Sometimes you get too many cooks in the kitchen

1077
01:00:15.620 --> 01:00:17.100
and it makes a big mess, right?

1078
01:00:17.100 --> 01:00:19.060
OK.

1079
01:00:19.060 --> 01:00:20.180
All right.

1080
01:00:20.180 --> 01:00:22.140
All right, so I'm going to do some Q&A now,

1081
01:00:22.140 --> 01:00:24.980
you guys, for the last 20-ish minutes that we have here.

1082
01:00:24.980 --> 01:00:28.140
So everyone clear on their advisory?

1083
01:00:28.140 --> 01:00:32.260
I believe, if I'm not mistaken, that my trusty sidekick Cheryl

1084
01:00:32.260 --> 01:00:36.900
put up the criterias in the chat there.

1085
01:00:36.900 --> 01:00:38.260
You guys, it's in your homework.

1086
01:00:38.260 --> 01:00:43.020
So if you've done your homework, you've seen it.

1087
01:00:43.020 --> 01:00:44.380
Who's learning something?

1088
01:00:44.380 --> 01:00:45.620
Everyone learning something?

1089
01:00:45.620 --> 01:00:49.140
Everyone feeling like getting more confident?

1090
01:00:49.140 --> 01:00:51.140
All right, let's do some Q&A. Anything

1091
01:00:51.140 --> 01:00:53.020
that we've learned so far week one, week two,

1092
01:00:53.020 --> 01:00:54.300
everything's up for grabs.

1093
01:00:54.300 --> 01:00:56.300
Kirsten, what do you got?

1094
01:00:56.300 --> 01:01:00.460
I guess I'm not sure about the advisory board

1095
01:01:00.460 --> 01:01:03.140
because I'm from Chicago.

1096
01:01:03.140 --> 01:01:04.860
But I've been here three and a half years.

1097
01:01:04.860 --> 01:01:07.620
So I know a couple of people that know me well.

1098
01:01:07.620 --> 01:01:12.620
But my dating history in Chicago is more like the lustful one.

1099
01:01:12.620 --> 01:01:16.420
And so here I have more strong Christian connections.

1100
01:01:16.420 --> 01:01:18.260
People know me.

1101
01:01:18.260 --> 01:01:19.580
They don't know what I was like.

1102
01:01:19.580 --> 01:01:21.300
But I think they know my character.

1103
01:01:21.300 --> 01:01:22.900
So I don't know.

1104
01:01:22.900 --> 01:01:24.980
I kind of feel like I could have one of my friends

1105
01:01:24.980 --> 01:01:26.620
from Chicago on the board that knows me.

1106
01:01:26.620 --> 01:01:29.780
But what do you think about having a very

1107
01:01:29.780 --> 01:01:31.980
I mean, I think that it's great that you've changed so much.

1108
01:01:31.980 --> 01:01:34.420
And I think that they really appreciate the change in you.

1109
01:01:34.420 --> 01:01:38.380
But they need to be running in circles

1110
01:01:38.380 --> 01:01:41.500
where there would be people that you would want to meet.

1111
01:01:41.500 --> 01:01:42.660
Got it.

1112
01:01:42.660 --> 01:01:43.460
You know?

1113
01:01:43.460 --> 01:01:49.580
So if you guys used to be like an addict or not that she has,

1114
01:01:49.580 --> 01:01:51.500
not that I'm not talking about Kirsten at all,

1115
01:01:51.820 --> 01:01:55.980
if you have a past life that was not savory

1116
01:01:55.980 --> 01:01:58.100
and you didn't know a lot of savory people,

1117
01:01:58.100 --> 01:01:59.740
then I wouldn't invite them on this.

1118
01:01:59.740 --> 01:02:00.860
All right, go ahead.

1119
01:02:00.860 --> 01:02:03.220
But there's one close friend in Chicago

1120
01:02:03.220 --> 01:02:06.700
who was at my church the whole time.

1121
01:02:06.700 --> 01:02:07.220
OK.

1122
01:02:07.220 --> 01:02:09.500
She wasn't a part of the way I was acting, right?

1123
01:02:09.500 --> 01:02:11.420
But she knows me really well since.

1124
01:02:11.420 --> 01:02:13.940
So I wonder if her on the board and then

1125
01:02:13.940 --> 01:02:16.100
two people here in Austin.

1126
01:02:16.100 --> 01:02:18.900
What do you think about that, like other cities?

1127
01:02:18.900 --> 01:02:19.740
No, I love that.

1128
01:02:20.380 --> 01:02:21.460
Long distance is great.

1129
01:02:21.460 --> 01:02:23.020
They don't have to live in your city.

1130
01:02:23.020 --> 01:02:24.620
They don't have to be local.

1131
01:02:24.620 --> 01:02:26.220
The more you can spread out, you guys,

1132
01:02:26.220 --> 01:02:29.820
the more you can spread out your nets, basically.

1133
01:02:29.820 --> 01:02:31.620
You're throwing out nets to catch a fish.

1134
01:02:31.620 --> 01:02:33.940
The more you can spread out these nets to catch a fish,

1135
01:02:33.940 --> 01:02:35.660
the better off you are.

1136
01:02:35.660 --> 01:02:37.340
Like you noticed that I said that I

1137
01:02:37.340 --> 01:02:40.100
was one degree of separation from a lot of people.

1138
01:02:40.100 --> 01:02:42.060
And the reason why I'm one degree of separation

1139
01:02:42.060 --> 01:02:44.140
from a lot of famous and well-known people

1140
01:02:44.140 --> 01:02:46.780
is because I know a lot of people.

1141
01:02:46.780 --> 01:02:48.460
That's what makes me a great matchmaker.

1142
01:02:48.460 --> 01:02:51.780
My husband is always just amazed at how many people I know.

1143
01:02:51.780 --> 01:02:52.500
And you know what?

1144
01:02:52.500 --> 01:02:53.460
I don't just know them.

1145
01:02:53.460 --> 01:02:54.780
I know details about them.

1146
01:02:54.780 --> 01:02:58.260
I have a memory that remembers relationships and remembers

1147
01:02:58.260 --> 01:03:00.460
people and details about people.

1148
01:03:00.460 --> 01:03:03.300
And because of that, like look, Victoria

1149
01:03:03.300 --> 01:03:04.900
has been around for a long, long time.

1150
01:03:04.900 --> 01:03:08.420
But I remembered all the details from her relationship

1151
01:03:08.420 --> 01:03:11.180
when she came in six years ago, probably.

1152
01:03:11.180 --> 01:03:12.220
Why did I remember that?

1153
01:03:12.220 --> 01:03:14.500
Because I'm like that, OK?

1154
01:03:14.500 --> 01:03:15.260
David's here.

1155
01:03:15.260 --> 01:03:16.900
I know all kinds of details about David.

1156
01:03:16.900 --> 01:03:18.260
Kirsten, I know all details about her.

1157
01:03:18.260 --> 01:03:20.300
Cheryl, I know all kinds of details about her.

1158
01:03:20.300 --> 01:03:21.580
Some of you guys are new to me.

1159
01:03:21.580 --> 01:03:23.340
I've never seen you before in my life.

1160
01:03:23.340 --> 01:03:24.180
But I love you.

1161
01:03:24.180 --> 01:03:25.980
And I'm so thankful I'm going to get to know you.

1162
01:03:25.980 --> 01:03:27.820
Liberty has asked me some questions in the app.

1163
01:03:27.820 --> 01:03:29.460
I remember the things that I said to Liberty.

1164
01:03:29.460 --> 01:03:30.460
So I'm going to know her.

1165
01:03:30.460 --> 01:03:31.380
Christopher's here.

1166
01:03:31.380 --> 01:03:32.700
Christopher's a great guy, y'all.

1167
01:03:32.700 --> 01:03:33.380
Take a look at him.

1168
01:03:33.380 --> 01:03:35.620
Take three looks at him, four, five, six looks at him.

1169
01:03:35.620 --> 01:03:37.140
He's an eligible bachelor.

1170
01:03:37.140 --> 01:03:38.540
He's single and ready to mingle.

1171
01:03:38.540 --> 01:03:39.420
And he's a great guy.

1172
01:03:39.420 --> 01:03:42.060
He'd be on Jackie's list if Jackie's list was up today.

1173
01:03:42.060 --> 01:03:42.540
Thanks.

1174
01:03:42.540 --> 01:03:44.020
All right, and so would David.

1175
01:03:44.020 --> 01:03:45.740
All right, so Kirsten, question answered.

1176
01:03:45.740 --> 01:03:46.540
Carolyn, you're up.

1177
01:03:49.260 --> 01:03:49.760
Hi.

1178
01:03:52.140 --> 01:03:54.500
So you kind of started answering the question I had,

1179
01:03:54.500 --> 01:03:56.260
was most of my people are a long distance.

1180
01:03:56.260 --> 01:04:01.180
But I just moved to a new city, but my parents are nearby.

1181
01:04:01.180 --> 01:04:02.620
But it's like so many of my people

1182
01:04:02.620 --> 01:04:04.820
that I've known my whole life or known a long time

1183
01:04:04.820 --> 01:04:06.300
are pretty far away.

1184
01:04:06.300 --> 01:04:10.180
So I'm just wondering, as far as meeting new people

1185
01:04:10.180 --> 01:04:11.900
and then getting to know them and actually

1186
01:04:11.900 --> 01:04:14.420
being able to introduce them, I don't know.

1187
01:04:14.420 --> 01:04:16.420
I mean, I could probably answer my own question,

1188
01:04:17.180 --> 01:04:18.260
maybe somebody else's.

1189
01:04:18.260 --> 01:04:19.020
I mean, did you?

1190
01:04:19.020 --> 01:04:20.980
I think you just did answer your own question.

1191
01:04:20.980 --> 01:04:28.700
No, I mean, I'm sorry.

1192
01:04:28.700 --> 01:04:30.660
Guys, all of you need to get out more.

1193
01:04:30.660 --> 01:04:32.580
You need to meet new people, OK?

1194
01:04:32.580 --> 01:04:35.980
One of the things that this exercise, I think,

1195
01:04:35.980 --> 01:04:38.260
has done for everyone that's been through the book club

1196
01:04:38.260 --> 01:04:41.580
so far is to realize how small their circles really are

1197
01:04:41.580 --> 01:04:44.020
and how few new people they know or just people

1198
01:04:44.020 --> 01:04:47.380
they know in general or people that are in their corner

1199
01:04:47.380 --> 01:04:48.660
for their love life.

1200
01:04:48.660 --> 01:04:50.420
And so it's really good that we understand

1201
01:04:50.420 --> 01:04:52.660
that we've lost the village and we need to rebuild it.

1202
01:04:52.660 --> 01:04:55.380
But Carolyn, yeah, I wouldn't make your parents part

1203
01:04:55.380 --> 01:04:57.500
of your advisory circle, OK, unless they

1204
01:04:57.500 --> 01:04:58.380
know a lot of people.

1205
01:04:58.380 --> 01:05:00.780
You guys, listen.

1206
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.040
Older people, great to have on your advisory circle

1207
01:05:03.040 --> 01:05:03.880
because you know what?

1208
01:05:03.880 --> 01:05:07.920
They're old and they no longer give a dang, all right?

1209
01:05:07.920 --> 01:05:11.400
They're not embarrassed to ask for things, for favors.

1210
01:05:11.400 --> 01:05:14.260
They're, you know, I can't tell you how many times,

1211
01:05:14.260 --> 01:05:17.520
you know, I've been with someone who is over 60,

1212
01:05:17.520 --> 01:05:20.360
over 70 years old and they just say out loud

1213
01:05:20.360 --> 01:05:21.320
what everyone else is thinking.

1214
01:05:21.320 --> 01:05:22.720
They're like, are you cute?

1215
01:05:22.720 --> 01:05:23.560
Are you single?

1216
01:05:23.560 --> 01:05:25.720
My granddaughter here is single too.

1217
01:05:25.720 --> 01:05:27.760
Like that kind of stuff happens all the time

1218
01:05:27.760 --> 01:05:29.360
when people are older, older, okay?

1219
01:05:29.360 --> 01:05:31.440
Because they've lived long enough to not care.

1220
01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:32.920
And I love that about them.

1221
01:05:32.920 --> 01:05:35.120
So if your parents are great, they have friends,

1222
01:05:35.120 --> 01:05:38.240
they have friends that have grandchildren or children,

1223
01:05:38.240 --> 01:05:41.560
depending on how old you guys are, it's good.

1224
01:05:41.560 --> 01:05:45.980
But they have to be in your corner to get married.

1225
01:05:45.980 --> 01:05:48.160
Some people's parents don't want them to get remarried,

1226
01:05:48.160 --> 01:05:49.360
especially if they've been divorced.

1227
01:05:49.360 --> 01:05:51.160
They don't wanna see them hurt again.

1228
01:05:51.160 --> 01:05:53.140
They think maybe you're just wanna focus

1229
01:05:53.140 --> 01:05:54.200
on raising your children.

1230
01:05:54.200 --> 01:05:56.520
So if they're not on board with your love story,

1231
01:05:56.520 --> 01:05:58.040
then don't add them, Carolyn.

1232
01:06:00.360 --> 01:06:03.120
Well, in my case, I've never been married

1233
01:06:03.120 --> 01:06:04.160
and they definitely want me married.

1234
01:06:04.160 --> 01:06:05.160
So we're all praying.

1235
01:06:05.160 --> 01:06:07.000
Hey, hey.

1236
01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:08.840
All right, so where did you move to?

1237
01:06:10.680 --> 01:06:13.040
I moved to Tyler, actually, Jackie.

1238
01:06:13.040 --> 01:06:15.020
I'm not too far from Austin now.

1239
01:06:15.020 --> 01:06:16.760
Okay, Tyler.

1240
01:06:16.760 --> 01:06:19.720
You guys, okay, so this brings up another good thing.

1241
01:06:19.720 --> 01:06:24.260
She lives in a smaller town, but it doesn't matter.

1242
01:06:24.260 --> 01:06:25.240
All you need is one.

1243
01:06:25.240 --> 01:06:27.480
For all of you that live in smaller towns

1244
01:06:27.480 --> 01:06:29.000
and you're blaming geography

1245
01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:30.580
on the fact that you're single,

1246
01:06:30.580 --> 01:06:34.160
go Google the population of your county,

1247
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:36.240
your city, your township,

1248
01:06:36.240 --> 01:06:38.720
and you will see there's more than one person.

1249
01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:41.800
All right, which means that there's plenty of people.

1250
01:06:41.800 --> 01:06:43.240
All you need is one.

1251
01:06:43.240 --> 01:06:44.960
And if you, you can also, you guys,

1252
01:06:44.960 --> 01:06:46.600
nowadays, you can Google anything.

1253
01:06:46.600 --> 01:06:48.600
And so, you know, Google's run by Gemini.

1254
01:06:48.600 --> 01:06:49.640
So if you go on Google,

1255
01:06:49.640 --> 01:06:52.980
it's gonna automatically put you in AI-generated Gemini.

1256
01:06:52.980 --> 01:06:57.340
Go ahead and ask how many Christian singles

1257
01:06:58.180 --> 01:07:00.020
over the age or under the age of whatever

1258
01:07:00.020 --> 01:07:02.660
that are Christian and also singles.

1259
01:07:02.660 --> 01:07:03.860
Make sure you put the word single in there.

1260
01:07:03.860 --> 01:07:06.860
Single, unmarried Christians over the age of

1261
01:07:06.860 --> 01:07:08.780
or under the age of in your township,

1262
01:07:08.780 --> 01:07:10.940
it will tell you exactly how many.

1263
01:07:10.940 --> 01:07:11.780
Based on what?

1264
01:07:11.780 --> 01:07:13.180
Based on the census.

1265
01:07:13.180 --> 01:07:14.540
The census asks for your religion

1266
01:07:14.540 --> 01:07:16.340
and asks for your marital status.

1267
01:07:16.340 --> 01:07:19.780
And so you'll see, like the other day, yesterday,

1268
01:07:19.780 --> 01:07:20.900
I have a client right now.

1269
01:07:20.900 --> 01:07:22.340
He would also be on Jackie's list.

1270
01:07:22.340 --> 01:07:24.380
For those of you that are near Vegas,

1271
01:07:24.380 --> 01:07:27.980
he lives in Vegas, in the city limits of Las Vegas.

1272
01:07:27.980 --> 01:07:29.060
He grew up there, you guys.

1273
01:07:29.060 --> 01:07:30.900
He's lived there all of his life.

1274
01:07:30.900 --> 01:07:32.020
He's 37 years old.

1275
01:07:32.020 --> 01:07:33.100
I'm telling you all his details.

1276
01:07:33.100 --> 01:07:34.580
He's conventionally good-looking.

1277
01:07:34.580 --> 01:07:35.620
He's 5'11".

1278
01:07:35.620 --> 01:07:37.380
He's a brunette.

1279
01:07:37.380 --> 01:07:38.460
He's musical.

1280
01:07:38.460 --> 01:07:40.140
He's fit.

1281
01:07:40.140 --> 01:07:42.460
He's financially secure.

1282
01:07:42.460 --> 01:07:43.620
He's never been married, no kids.

1283
01:07:43.620 --> 01:07:48.620
Anyway, 54,000 under 40 in the city of Vegas,

1284
01:07:51.260 --> 01:07:54.300
Christian single women under the age of 40.

1285
01:07:55.140 --> 01:08:00.140
And then in the suburbs of Vegas, 114,000.

1286
01:08:00.820 --> 01:08:02.060
He only needs one.

1287
01:08:03.900 --> 01:08:05.060
But you know what?

1288
01:08:05.060 --> 01:08:07.580
He falls in the same category that so many of you do.

1289
01:08:07.580 --> 01:08:08.740
He's like, well, I've looked.

1290
01:08:08.740 --> 01:08:10.340
I've looked, Jackie, there's none.

1291
01:08:10.340 --> 01:08:11.180
Really?

1292
01:08:11.180 --> 01:08:14.220
Because the census just told me that there's 114,000

1293
01:08:14.220 --> 01:08:18.660
in the outlying suburbs of your city, 114,000.

1294
01:08:21.220 --> 01:08:22.500
Actually, I got those numbers wrong.

1295
01:08:22.500 --> 01:08:27.500
114,000 is the, 114,000 is in Vegas,

1296
01:08:29.100 --> 01:08:31.859
and then there's an even larger number in the suburbs.

1297
01:08:31.859 --> 01:08:33.220
Yes, okay.

1298
01:08:33.220 --> 01:08:34.220
But here's the thing.

1299
01:08:34.220 --> 01:08:36.899
The thing is is that he goes to a little Baptist church.

1300
01:08:36.899 --> 01:08:37.740
You wanna know why?

1301
01:08:37.740 --> 01:08:42.740
Because he plays the guitar there for the worship

1302
01:08:44.020 --> 01:08:46.420
as a job, like he gets paid.

1303
01:08:46.420 --> 01:08:49.660
Like he plays music around town

1304
01:08:49.660 --> 01:08:51.660
as just one of the jobs that he does.

1305
01:08:51.660 --> 01:08:53.340
And so that's where he goes to church

1306
01:08:53.340 --> 01:08:56.500
because he's gotta be there on Sundays to play.

1307
01:08:56.500 --> 01:08:58.700
And I'm like, okay, is there any single people there?

1308
01:08:58.700 --> 01:08:59.859
No, it's a little tiny church.

1309
01:08:59.859 --> 01:09:02.340
Okay, well then, this is part of your problem.

1310
01:09:02.340 --> 01:09:03.180
How about this?

1311
01:09:03.180 --> 01:09:04.020
Have you ever been here?

1312
01:09:04.020 --> 01:09:05.100
Nah, I have some friends that go there.

1313
01:09:05.100 --> 01:09:06.220
Well, why don't you go there too?

1314
01:09:06.220 --> 01:09:07.740
It says that he loves to play pickleball.

1315
01:09:07.740 --> 01:09:09.260
It says that they have an outing,

1316
01:09:09.260 --> 01:09:10.580
a pickleball outing once a month.

1317
01:09:10.580 --> 01:09:11.580
Why aren't you at that?

1318
01:09:11.580 --> 01:09:14.180
You know, he thinks he's trying, but he's not.

1319
01:09:15.500 --> 01:09:16.740
He's not.

1320
01:09:16.740 --> 01:09:19.260
And so many of you fall into those categories as well.

1321
01:09:19.260 --> 01:09:21.300
You think you're trying because you're breathing,

1322
01:09:21.300 --> 01:09:23.420
but you're actually really not trying.

1323
01:09:23.420 --> 01:09:25.660
And so even though I put you on a dating app sabbatical,

1324
01:09:25.660 --> 01:09:27.500
I did not put you on a dating sabbatical.

1325
01:09:27.500 --> 01:09:30.540
I want you out meeting people, building your village.

1326
01:09:30.540 --> 01:09:32.260
I want you out meeting people

1327
01:09:32.260 --> 01:09:34.899
that you're not even romantically interested in,

1328
01:09:34.899 --> 01:09:37.220
that you may help be their matchmaker.

1329
01:09:37.220 --> 01:09:38.899
I want you connecting them to this.

1330
01:09:38.899 --> 01:09:40.500
I want you connecting them to last year's single.

1331
01:09:40.500 --> 01:09:43.020
I want you connecting them to yourself, to others.

1332
01:09:43.020 --> 01:09:44.740
I want you meeting people.

1333
01:09:44.740 --> 01:09:47.580
For those of you that are shy, shy is a lie.

1334
01:09:47.580 --> 01:09:48.500
Say it with me.

1335
01:09:48.500 --> 01:09:51.660
Shy is a lie.

1336
01:09:51.660 --> 01:09:53.100
There's no such thing as shy.

1337
01:09:54.260 --> 01:09:55.500
No.

1338
01:09:55.500 --> 01:09:57.340
There are families that are private

1339
01:09:57.340 --> 01:09:59.980
that teach you how to only trust them.

1340
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.720
and then you feel really weird and awkward around other people and maybe even distrustful,

1341
01:10:04.720 --> 01:10:08.960
but shy is a lie. Now, are there introverted people? Sure, but you can still be friendly

1342
01:10:08.960 --> 01:10:14.160
as an introvert. All introversion is, is that you take longer to recharge from social activity.

1343
01:10:15.280 --> 01:10:18.960
That's all that it is. Introverted doesn't mean that you stay in your house. It doesn't mean that

1344
01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:23.040
you don't have any friends. It doesn't mean that you're not friendly. If you're not friendly and

1345
01:10:23.040 --> 01:10:27.200
you stay in your house and you don't have any friends, you're not introverted. There's something

1346
01:10:27.200 --> 01:10:32.960
else going on. And I'd love to dig into that with you in heart work. Can't do it in the book club.

1347
01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:38.640
We don't have enough time. Marine, Marine, Marine. How do we say Marine? Hey Jackie,

1348
01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:45.520
it's Marina. It's, it's Marina's twin. You are. Yeah. I'm driving. That's why I can't have my

1349
01:10:45.520 --> 01:10:52.000
camera on right now, but I have. Why do you sound just like your sister? Cause we're twins. I know,

1350
01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:58.480
but you have the same voice. Yeah. Okay. I feel like I'm copying. I have a question for you. Okay.

1351
01:10:58.480 --> 01:11:03.600
It's so funny. Okay. So I have, I, a lot of times I have like multiple crushes. Like I literally have

1352
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:08.960
a crush on like two different people right now, but I, here's the thing. I'm friendly. I'm around,

1353
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:14.400
but I, I'm not going to be the one to ask them out. So that's like a big gap for me is like,

1354
01:11:14.400 --> 01:11:19.680
I like that. I, there's people around me that I know I like they're in my community. I do jujitsu.

1355
01:11:19.680 --> 01:11:23.680
Both of them are in my, like they're two different people from like sister schools.

1356
01:11:24.240 --> 01:11:31.040
Anyway, I would be like, if either of them asked me out, I would be open. So the thing is like,

1357
01:11:31.920 --> 01:11:36.400
how do you bridge that gap of like, I like them. I think they might be interested in me,

1358
01:11:36.400 --> 01:11:41.040
but how do we get them to ask me out? You know? Yeah. Here's the thing you guys, and you know,

1359
01:11:41.040 --> 01:11:45.440
and she has something else working against her. And so I already told you guys that if you Google

1360
01:11:45.440 --> 01:11:49.600
the, you know, you Google the population of the place that you live, you're going to see that

1361
01:11:49.600 --> 01:11:54.880
there's more than one person. All you need is one. That is true. But there are geographic locations

1362
01:11:54.880 --> 01:11:59.600
that it isn't about scarcity. There's lots of people that live there, but there's dating scenes

1363
01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:05.440
that are toxic and she lives in one of them. She lives in LA. Okay. And so her and her sister,

1364
01:12:05.440 --> 01:12:10.400
both are both really beautiful girls. They're active. They're fit. Originally. I know your

1365
01:12:10.400 --> 01:12:13.920
sister wanted to marry within your nationality, which is what Armenian, what are you?

1366
01:12:14.480 --> 01:12:19.120
Yeah. Armenian. Okay. I'm not like, I don't care. And actually neither of these guys are Armenian

1367
01:12:19.120 --> 01:12:24.160
and I'm not like that. Yeah. I don't care. Okay. That's fine. But what she needs to, what she,

1368
01:12:24.160 --> 01:12:27.680
and this is going to be for this coaching for everyone. Cause some of you, this will apply to

1369
01:12:27.680 --> 01:12:33.760
as well. If you are in a social space, whether it's church, whether it's a jujitsu class,

1370
01:12:33.760 --> 01:12:37.760
it doesn't matter what it is. If you're in a social space, that's ongoing. It's not a kind

1371
01:12:37.760 --> 01:12:41.280
of like one and done. There are two things that could be happening in her situation.

1372
01:12:41.840 --> 01:12:47.200
If it's not one and done, it's like ongoing social space. A man sometimes will not express

1373
01:12:47.200 --> 01:12:51.840
interest, even if he is interested because he doesn't want to make it awkward for his time in

1374
01:12:51.840 --> 01:12:56.640
that space. So he doesn't want to like dread coming to class. If things don't work out between

1375
01:12:56.640 --> 01:13:00.000
you, he doesn't want to dread, you know, coming to that gym. If things don't work out, it doesn't

1376
01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:04.320
want to dread coming to church. If things don't work out. Okay. So that's one of the things that

1377
01:13:04.320 --> 01:13:09.360
hinders people. So in that case, the man has to be really, really sure. Not just that he likes you

1378
01:13:09.360 --> 01:13:15.920
and that he's interested in you, that he actually likes you that much, that he's willing to take a

1379
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:22.400
chance on messing up whatever his community is. That's number one. And number two, these guys

1380
01:13:22.400 --> 01:13:27.280
like to flirt and they like to hang out and they like to, you know, get attention, but they're not

1381
01:13:27.280 --> 01:13:33.200
marriage minded people. They're not marriage minded. They're curious at best, but they're not

1382
01:13:33.200 --> 01:13:38.000
marriage minded. And so both of those situations are going to get in the way. So you can drop all

1383
01:13:38.000 --> 01:13:43.360
the hankies you want to, but if a man's not sure that he likes you enough to risk his community,

1384
01:13:43.360 --> 01:13:49.200
he's not going to do it. And if a man's not marriage minded and you are, and he can tell

1385
01:13:49.200 --> 01:13:54.240
that you're more of a relationship girl and not a fun girl, you know, then you know what I'm saying?

1386
01:13:54.240 --> 01:14:00.400
If you're not that kind of girl, then he also is, is not like, you know, why he's not interested in

1387
01:14:00.400 --> 01:14:08.080
a relationship. If he senses that you're a relationship girl. In that case, do I just

1388
01:14:08.080 --> 01:14:12.000
have to meet more people? Like, you know what I mean? Yes, you do. And you have to meet people

1389
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:17.200
outside of LA. So go to other places. I know, you know, it's so much time and traffic, but go to

1390
01:14:17.200 --> 01:14:22.880
some smaller towns, smaller places, visit some churches. You know, there's so many churches in

1391
01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:27.280
the area that you live in. There's evergreen, there's mosaic, there's, um, Hey, what's the name

1392
01:14:27.280 --> 01:14:37.120
of that one church? That one with the, with the fashion guy. Anyway, there's another one. Um,

1393
01:14:37.120 --> 01:14:41.040
there are three that I know of. I know the pastors of some of those churches and, you know, there's

1394
01:14:41.040 --> 01:14:46.320
three right there. There's expression, there's all different types. And you guys, you can also

1395
01:14:46.320 --> 01:14:51.040
visit churches outside of your denomination. Like for instance, if you're non-denom, you can go to

1396
01:14:51.040 --> 01:14:57.360
a spirit filled, uh, like Methodist church or, you know, Presbyterian church, or, you know,

1397
01:14:57.360 --> 01:14:59.760
it's just mainly about, you know, going to a place that's.

1398
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.400
Expressive in worship if you're expressive in worship, but you don't have to go to just non-denom

1399
01:15:05.040 --> 01:15:11.200
You guys Jackie, you know, what's crazy is I've been going to trip like when I went to church like religiously for like 15 years

1400
01:15:11.720 --> 01:15:15.360
Those guys were the worst. They were even worse that like asking people out

1401
01:15:15.520 --> 01:15:18.480
So I just feel like I'm sure I'm the problem

1402
01:15:18.480 --> 01:15:22.960
I have a lot of those things that were in the book, but I had worse time having guys

1403
01:15:22.960 --> 01:15:28.820
I know but you're missing you're missing you're missing my point though. You don't go to their church. You're a visitor

1404
01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:35.760
Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it doesn't like mess up their community. That's what you're saying

1405
01:15:36.240 --> 01:15:43.400
Exactly. Like I said men are gonna you guys men are gonna protect their communities their pickleball community their jujitsu community their church community

1406
01:15:43.400 --> 01:15:47.600
And if they're unless their head over heels for you, they're not gonna take a chance

1407
01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:52.600
But if you're a visitor look people are waiting for the visitors to walk in men and women alike

1408
01:15:52.600 --> 01:15:57.080
They're waiting to meet someone that doesn't regularly go to their church that they're gonna meet that day

1409
01:15:57.240 --> 01:16:01.400
So, yes visit you guys find conferences find things to do

1410
01:16:02.160 --> 01:16:02.920
once again

1411
01:16:02.920 --> 01:16:09.280
You can you Gemini is now Gemini is an AI you guys and it is the AI that Google uses and so when you go

1412
01:16:09.280 --> 01:16:13.960
Into Google chat, you know, I used to Google things you can Google it now and now Gemini will ask you

1413
01:16:13.960 --> 01:16:15.760
It'll give you the answer and it'll ask you

1414
01:16:15.760 --> 01:16:22.160
Ask me something more and you can ask more so you can ask how many Christians live in your township in your village

1415
01:16:22.160 --> 01:16:26.840
You know how many Christians are in your you know in the little city or suburb that you live in

1416
01:16:26.840 --> 01:16:28.840
You can also ask where are they?

1417
01:16:29.400 --> 01:16:31.280
You know people always ask where are they?

1418
01:16:31.280 --> 01:16:36.960
Where are they you can ask AI that it will tell you singles events that are for Christians in your area in that

1419
01:16:37.160 --> 01:16:40.880
Specific area you guys use AI to your benefit ask it where it is

1420
01:16:40.880 --> 01:16:43.520
Ask what it is ask the dates that it is

1421
01:16:43.520 --> 01:16:45.920
I found all kinds of stuff for my Vegas guy

1422
01:16:46.160 --> 01:16:51.560
You can find all kinds of stuff for yourself too and then go all the way down to the county that you live in

1423
01:16:52.120 --> 01:16:55.760
All right, and then once again in her situation because she lives in LA County

1424
01:16:55.760 --> 01:17:01.280
It's gonna be important to get outside of that and also go into some of the smaller counties like, you know

1425
01:17:01.280 --> 01:17:06.240
Malibu County or different places where there's just a different group of people with different mindsets

1426
01:17:06.480 --> 01:17:10.840
You guys some cities have people that have all been drawn there for a certain industry

1427
01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:13.440
ie LA and

1428
01:17:13.440 --> 01:17:19.080
They're not necessarily marriage minded people. But guess what? There's tons of smaller towns around LA where they are

1429
01:17:20.400 --> 01:17:23.960
They are marriage Jackie. Yeah. Thank you. What is it?

1430
01:17:24.680 --> 01:17:30.040
Already said mosaic. Sorry. I got the peanut gallery over here. David's helping me. Okay. All right

1431
01:17:30.480 --> 01:17:37.480
There isn't a reason why this beautiful girl and her sister both cannot be in some type of beautiful marriage-minded relationship

1432
01:17:37.760 --> 01:17:43.680
Before the end of 26, there's no reason why all right, and that goes for all of you guys, too. I

1433
01:17:46.080 --> 01:17:52.560
Am dealing some hope today you guys it's because I've seen it happen way too much way way way way way too much

1434
01:17:53.560 --> 01:17:58.120
My private clients I only have a handful of them that aren't married yet

1435
01:17:58.120 --> 01:18:03.320
Almost everyone who works with me privately and and you guys you can see why now because this is what I do privately

1436
01:18:03.320 --> 01:18:08.880
I get rid of all of your excuses. I don't give a crap what you think your excuses. It's not true

1437
01:18:09.640 --> 01:18:12.240
Right, you can let it be true if you want it to be and yes

1438
01:18:12.240 --> 01:18:16.560
Maybe it's not gonna happen right now the next hour the next five hours the next five days

1439
01:18:16.640 --> 01:18:21.280
But if you start doing things differently start thinking differently and then acting differently

1440
01:18:21.840 --> 01:18:23.840
Something different is going to happen

1441
01:18:25.240 --> 01:18:27.240
All right, Tarsha

1442
01:18:32.440 --> 01:18:37.200
Remember behavior follows identity got to think differently and then you will act differently not the other way around

1443
01:18:38.880 --> 01:18:41.160
Thank you nice to meet you again

1444
01:18:41.760 --> 01:18:43.640
Nice to meet you again

1445
01:18:43.640 --> 01:18:49.360
So my question has to do with the the advisory group that we would be putting together for me

1446
01:18:49.440 --> 01:18:52.800
I'm newly Christian next last couple of years

1447
01:18:52.800 --> 01:18:57.600
So all of my friends and family are not necessarily following that path

1448
01:18:57.600 --> 01:19:01.680
You know, I do have some people in my church that I've met that know me decent

1449
01:19:01.680 --> 01:19:04.920
But we're not like as close as those who've known me for a long time

1450
01:19:05.320 --> 01:19:10.080
So I guess that would be the thing even the people that know me that are close that would have the best intentions

1451
01:19:10.080 --> 01:19:14.520
I don't know that they would pick someone that's you know, following the Christian faith

1452
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:18.760
Just because we we all thought we were Christian and we were not Christians, you know to me and so

1453
01:19:20.360 --> 01:19:25.920
And we're gonna get to this when we get to non-negotiables and preferences and this is not for everyone it might not be for Tarsha

1454
01:19:26.080 --> 01:19:29.480
Either okay, but if you are a very

1455
01:19:30.240 --> 01:19:32.240
devout mature

1456
01:19:32.400 --> 01:19:33.960
seasoned

1457
01:19:33.960 --> 01:19:35.800
Christian

1458
01:19:35.800 --> 01:19:37.120
you

1459
01:19:37.120 --> 01:19:38.520
can

1460
01:19:38.520 --> 01:19:41.920
date and even marry someone who is

1461
01:19:42.720 --> 01:19:43.960
maybe

1462
01:19:44.000 --> 01:19:47.080
Lesser not lesser in their morals or their values

1463
01:19:47.160 --> 01:19:52.600
Everyone should be marrying people of reputation people that have good reputations that have had good

1464
01:19:52.880 --> 01:19:59.960
Reputations people that are known in their communities as people that are moralistic and have good reputations people that are wise stewards of their

1465
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.760
time and their money and all the things. That stuff should all be on your non-negotiables.

1466
01:20:03.760 --> 01:20:09.280
None of you should settle for marrying someone who's not healthy, okay? People who are emotionally

1467
01:20:09.280 --> 01:20:16.720
regulated and are able to be available in that way. But do they need to be the same type of

1468
01:20:16.720 --> 01:20:20.560
Christian that you are? Do they need to be on the same level? Do they need to express their

1469
01:20:20.560 --> 01:20:25.360
Christianity the same way? Do they need to communicate with God or even feel God's presence

1470
01:20:25.360 --> 01:20:30.480
in the same way as you? They don't. My husband and I are very different spiritually. He is a

1471
01:20:30.480 --> 01:20:34.400
Christian. He loves God. We are not the same spiritually. We do not connect to God the same

1472
01:20:34.400 --> 01:20:38.880
way spiritually. I have to admit when I first married him, even though he worked at a church

1473
01:20:38.880 --> 01:20:44.400
and he had been in ministry for 15 years when I married him, I felt superior to him in my

1474
01:20:44.400 --> 01:20:49.680
Christianity. I did not feel like he was as deep of a Christian as I was. I didn't feel like he

1475
01:20:49.680 --> 01:20:54.560
knew God as well as I did or heard from God as well as I did. I had a little bit of an arrogance

1476
01:20:54.560 --> 01:21:00.880
problem because I've always been prophetic. I've always been very in tune to God. I've always

1477
01:21:00.880 --> 01:21:05.280
gotten a lot of downloads. For those of you that go to Supernatural Saturday, you can attest

1478
01:21:05.280 --> 01:21:11.120
that I've been very gifted as a Christian woman as far as hearing from God. He's not like that,

1479
01:21:11.760 --> 01:21:19.520
but he is a great man of faith. He has a gift of faith. He's a man of prayer. He just expresses

1480
01:21:19.520 --> 01:21:23.920
himself differently. For all of you that are here, I just want to let you know you're not

1481
01:21:23.920 --> 01:21:29.200
looking for your spiritual twin. You are not. Okay. You're not looking for that person. You're

1482
01:21:29.200 --> 01:21:33.760
not going to find that person. There's no such thing as that person. All you have to do is find

1483
01:21:33.760 --> 01:21:37.920
someone who wants to continue to grow in their relationship with God, whatever that looks like

1484
01:21:37.920 --> 01:21:46.080
for them. And if you're willing to not have a closed mind or even a prideful mind towards that,

1485
01:21:46.080 --> 01:21:51.680
it'll be a lot better for all of you. Okay. All right. Makes sense. And so Tarsha, I'm saying

1486
01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:56.880
this to you. I've said this to just another private client recently. There isn't any danger

1487
01:21:56.880 --> 01:22:02.560
of you not being a Christian after having a date with someone who's not as spiritually evolved as

1488
01:22:02.560 --> 01:22:08.080
you. So go on the date. Okay. Go on the date and look for fruit. You guys, we're not gift

1489
01:22:08.080 --> 01:22:13.680
inspectors. We're fruit inspectors. Does this person have true joy, love, peace, gentleness,

1490
01:22:13.680 --> 01:22:17.520
temperance? Do they have the fruit of the spirit? Because you guys, you can't make that stuff up.

1491
01:22:17.520 --> 01:22:23.520
You can't fake it. People can fake gifts all the time. I can't tell you how many women

1492
01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:30.000
have sat across from me, completely bewildered how they got into such a toxic relationship with

1493
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:37.280
such a, you know, a spiritual man. And the reason why was because all of that was just a bunch of

1494
01:22:37.280 --> 01:22:44.960
noise, but there was no fruit. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yep. Got it. Thank you. Okay.

1495
01:22:44.960 --> 01:22:50.240
All right. Esther, wait, you guys, before I do Esther, let me, Oh, how frequently should we be

1496
01:22:50.240 --> 01:22:54.960
going out this way? Jackie often get exhausted after these events. Is that you Esther? Are you

1497
01:22:54.960 --> 01:23:03.840
getting exhausted? Yes. I was going to add on top of that and ask that. So I started going out a lot

1498
01:23:03.840 --> 01:23:09.760
more before I was a homebody like Sunday to Saturday, but now I'm like really going out and

1499
01:23:09.760 --> 01:23:16.400
I'm in an MBA program. So trying to get into more events and be there. But afterwards, I'm like,

1500
01:23:16.400 --> 01:23:22.240
I just want to spend the next month in my house. But here's the thing, you guys, it doesn't have

1501
01:23:22.240 --> 01:23:27.840
to be necessarily social events. Uh, one client that I had do this. It worked for her. That's

1502
01:23:27.840 --> 01:23:31.120
not going to work for all of you, but it's, it's going to work for one of you because it worked

1503
01:23:31.120 --> 01:23:39.200
for her. She had a very, very boring routine and she felt like Esther. She felt pretty exhausted

1504
01:23:39.200 --> 01:23:43.200
to add anything to it because she was working full time and she was going to the gym. She was

1505
01:23:43.200 --> 01:23:47.440
on a, like a fitness journey. So she's going to the gym, getting up early or going after work,

1506
01:23:47.440 --> 01:23:53.600
going to the gym, uh, you know, going to, going to work and then going home, going to church.

1507
01:23:53.600 --> 01:23:58.400
She served at her church. So she had lots of hours, you know, putting in there and then other

1508
01:23:58.400 --> 01:24:02.960
things that she had to do as far as her own lifestyle with grocery and all the things.

1509
01:24:02.960 --> 01:24:07.600
So what I had her do, because she wasn't ready to add anything more to her schedule

1510
01:24:07.600 --> 01:24:14.400
at this time. Um, but she was also wasn't meeting anyone new. I had her change it up. I had her go

1511
01:24:14.400 --> 01:24:19.680
to a different location of her gym. Yeah, it was a little bit more out of her way, but she went to

1512
01:24:19.680 --> 01:24:23.840
a different location. So say you go to a planet fitness, there's a bazillion planet fitnesses.

1513
01:24:23.840 --> 01:24:27.840
Stop going at the same time every day to the same one. You already know the people that go there.

1514
01:24:27.840 --> 01:24:32.320
Remember those are communities. And if you want to go there, then start talking to people and start

1515
01:24:32.320 --> 01:24:36.000
getting to know people where you already are. A lot of people go to the same places all the time,

1516
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:40.640
but they don't meet people. I'm, I'm, I'm like that too. And I meet lots of people,

1517
01:24:40.640 --> 01:24:44.800
you guys. But a lot of times when I go to the place that I go to all the time,

1518
01:24:44.800 --> 01:24:48.960
yeah, I recognize some people, but I don't introduce myself. I don't get to know them.

1519
01:24:48.960 --> 01:24:52.480
Start being friendly. If you don't want to be exhausted, running around, going to a bunch of

1520
01:24:52.480 --> 01:24:56.720
different places and start being friendly to the people that you don't know that are in the places

1521
01:24:56.720 --> 01:24:59.840
that you're already are in. If you go to the same grocery store, start being.

1522
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.160
friendly to the cashiers and to the people that work there,

1523
01:25:02.160 --> 01:25:04.720
the person that's cutting your salmon, you know,

1524
01:25:04.720 --> 01:25:06.560
be friendly to them, get to know them,

1525
01:25:06.560 --> 01:25:08.080
start knowing them by name.

1526
01:25:08.080 --> 01:25:09.800
The coffee shop that you frequent,

1527
01:25:09.800 --> 01:25:11.680
get to know the people that are in there with you.

1528
01:25:11.680 --> 01:25:14.080
You see that same person sitting at the table next to you

1529
01:25:14.080 --> 01:25:16.600
every Thursday at 9 a.m., start talking to them.

1530
01:25:16.600 --> 01:25:17.920
Hey, I see you here all the time.

1531
01:25:17.920 --> 01:25:19.320
It's easy to start a conversation

1532
01:25:19.320 --> 01:25:21.460
and I talk to you about how to start a conversation

1533
01:25:21.460 --> 01:25:23.820
in this book, but it doesn't have to just be romantic

1534
01:25:23.820 --> 01:25:24.680
with the opposite sex.

1535
01:25:24.680 --> 01:25:28.120
It can also be platonically with other people

1536
01:25:28.120 --> 01:25:29.760
of your same gender.

1537
01:25:29.760 --> 01:25:31.000
Okay, and why is that?

1538
01:25:31.000 --> 01:25:32.560
Because the more people you know,

1539
01:25:32.560 --> 01:25:34.980
the more the six degrees of separation works.

1540
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:37.500
Because maybe they're not your person

1541
01:25:37.500 --> 01:25:38.720
because they're not even a boy,

1542
01:25:38.720 --> 01:25:40.640
or gentlemen, they're not even a girl,

1543
01:25:40.640 --> 01:25:42.520
but guess what they know?

1544
01:25:42.520 --> 01:25:43.920
People that you don't know.

1545
01:25:44.800 --> 01:25:47.480
And you're not just doing this in a transactional way

1546
01:25:47.480 --> 01:25:49.160
where you're using people,

1547
01:25:49.160 --> 01:25:51.960
but you already know that your circle needs to get bigger.

1548
01:25:51.960 --> 01:25:54.080
So anyway, this woman, the advice I gave her

1549
01:25:54.080 --> 01:25:56.400
was go to a different branch of your gym.

1550
01:25:56.400 --> 01:25:59.080
Go to the grocery store at a different time of day

1551
01:25:59.080 --> 01:26:03.480
because she was a slave to her schedule, man, her schedule.

1552
01:26:03.480 --> 01:26:04.880
And some of you, raise your hand

1553
01:26:04.880 --> 01:26:07.520
if you have a routine of routines.

1554
01:26:07.520 --> 01:26:09.400
You have a routine of routines.

1555
01:26:09.400 --> 01:26:11.680
In fact, people will know where you are

1556
01:26:11.680 --> 01:26:13.520
if they knew your routine.

1557
01:26:13.520 --> 01:26:17.200
It is definitely very, very, very strict

1558
01:26:17.200 --> 01:26:21.320
and you're gonna be where you are every day of the week

1559
01:26:21.320 --> 01:26:24.420
without fail, unless something has happened.

1560
01:26:25.280 --> 01:26:27.680
How many of you, if you did not show up to work

1561
01:26:27.680 --> 01:26:29.680
at this certain time doing this certain thing,

1562
01:26:29.680 --> 01:26:34.360
they would call the police because they're like,

1563
01:26:34.360 --> 01:26:38.320
oh no, Erin Joyce crashed out somewhere.

1564
01:26:38.320 --> 01:26:39.440
She's dead.

1565
01:26:39.440 --> 01:26:40.880
She's dead on the side of the road

1566
01:26:40.880 --> 01:26:44.880
because she would never miss whatever this thing is.

1567
01:26:44.880 --> 01:26:45.800
Okay.

1568
01:26:45.800 --> 01:26:47.040
All right, just a handful of you.

1569
01:26:47.040 --> 01:26:50.040
So how many of you have a pretty strong routine?

1570
01:26:50.040 --> 01:26:52.480
It's not religious, but it's pretty strong.

1571
01:26:55.400 --> 01:26:56.320
Pretty strong.

1572
01:26:56.320 --> 01:27:00.360
Okay, how many of you are little ADHD squirrels?

1573
01:27:02.080 --> 01:27:03.160
You have no routine.

1574
01:27:03.160 --> 01:27:04.480
We don't know what's happening.

1575
01:27:04.480 --> 01:27:06.360
We don't know what day of the week it is.

1576
01:27:06.360 --> 01:27:08.080
We're just not sure.

1577
01:27:08.080 --> 01:27:09.440
We're gonna try to be on time,

1578
01:27:09.440 --> 01:27:12.680
but we haven't been on time since we were born.

1579
01:27:12.680 --> 01:27:16.240
So it's probably not gonna happen in this lifetime, okay?

1580
01:27:16.240 --> 01:27:18.580
In fact, the one thing that people can predict about you

1581
01:27:18.580 --> 01:27:20.840
is that you're unpredictable.

1582
01:27:20.840 --> 01:27:22.280
Anybody?

1583
01:27:22.280 --> 01:27:23.600
Right.

1584
01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:24.440
All right, there's some of you

1585
01:27:24.440 --> 01:27:26.800
that are not gonna say yes to anything tonight.

1586
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:30.400
So I've given you every scenario

1587
01:27:30.400 --> 01:27:32.480
and you're like, that's not me.

1588
01:27:32.480 --> 01:27:33.400
All right.

1589
01:27:33.400 --> 01:27:34.600
Okay, guys.

1590
01:27:34.600 --> 01:27:37.160
All right, change it up.

1591
01:27:37.160 --> 01:27:38.600
And if you can't change it up,

1592
01:27:38.600 --> 01:27:42.040
then start meeting the people that are all around you

1593
01:27:42.040 --> 01:27:45.280
that you see all the time, but you do not know.

1594
01:27:45.280 --> 01:27:46.320
Introduce yourself.

1595
01:27:46.320 --> 01:27:48.120
That's gonna be your homework.

1596
01:27:48.120 --> 01:27:50.200
Your homework is whatever gym you go to,

1597
01:27:50.200 --> 01:27:51.480
whatever job you go to,

1598
01:27:51.480 --> 01:27:52.880
whatever grocery store you go to,

1599
01:27:52.880 --> 01:27:54.680
whatever coffee shop you go to.

1600
01:27:54.680 --> 01:27:56.720
At church, if you go to a big church

1601
01:27:56.720 --> 01:27:59.760
and you don't know the 14 other people that go there

1602
01:27:59.760 --> 01:28:01.940
because you're not in a basement in someone's house

1603
01:28:01.940 --> 01:28:04.800
with 10 other people that you've been going to for 10 years,

1604
01:28:04.800 --> 01:28:06.480
you might need to find a new church, by the way,

1605
01:28:06.480 --> 01:28:07.320
if that's your church.

1606
01:28:07.320 --> 01:28:09.760
You gotta expand your horizons, okay?

1607
01:28:09.760 --> 01:28:12.520
You can go there still, but go somewhere else as well.

1608
01:28:12.520 --> 01:28:16.000
But if you go to a big church, become a greeter.

1609
01:28:16.000 --> 01:28:19.760
Volunteer for the greeter team and meet a bunch of people.

1610
01:28:19.760 --> 01:28:20.600
Guess what?

1611
01:28:20.600 --> 01:28:22.280
You're gonna be the first person to see

1612
01:28:22.280 --> 01:28:24.280
the hot single guys that come into your church,

1613
01:28:24.280 --> 01:28:26.960
and you're gonna get to shake their hand and say, hi.

1614
01:28:29.120 --> 01:28:30.280
My name is Kristen.

1615
01:28:31.240 --> 01:28:32.360
I'm saying that because I'm pretty sure

1616
01:28:32.360 --> 01:28:33.680
you're on the greeter team, aren't you?

1617
01:28:33.680 --> 01:28:36.200
I am, and I met a really hot guy recently at church, yeah.

1618
01:28:36.200 --> 01:28:37.520
See?

1619
01:28:37.520 --> 01:28:38.560
She goes to my church.

1620
01:28:38.560 --> 01:28:40.160
See?

1621
01:28:40.160 --> 01:28:42.360
I don't go to church that much, though, so I'm sorry,

1622
01:28:42.360 --> 01:28:43.560
but I'll be there this week.

1623
01:28:43.560 --> 01:28:44.520
We'll have to talk.

1624
01:28:44.520 --> 01:28:47.660
Maybe you can help me figure out how to talk to him more.

1625
01:28:47.660 --> 01:28:49.360
Oh, okay, well, tell me who he,

1626
01:28:49.360 --> 01:28:50.920
oh, I know exactly who he is.

1627
01:28:50.920 --> 01:28:53.440
I already know who he is because I know the new hot guy

1628
01:28:53.440 --> 01:28:55.440
that came to your church, and I'm friends with him.

1629
01:28:55.440 --> 01:28:56.280
Okay.

1630
01:28:56.280 --> 01:28:58.760
Or, I'm not gonna say another word.

1631
01:29:00.080 --> 01:29:01.920
Okay, all right, you guys.

1632
01:29:01.920 --> 01:29:03.540
Your homework is to not only build

1633
01:29:03.540 --> 01:29:05.240
your relationship advisory circle,

1634
01:29:05.240 --> 01:29:08.020
but also to go on your dating app sabbatical,

1635
01:29:08.020 --> 01:29:10.720
and also to expand your horizons

1636
01:29:10.720 --> 01:29:12.880
by saying hi to people that you see all the time,

1637
01:29:12.880 --> 01:29:15.000
introducing yourself to people you see,

1638
01:29:15.000 --> 01:29:17.160
meeting new people, changing it up,

1639
01:29:17.160 --> 01:29:19.040
and let's see what happens, all right?

1640
01:29:19.040 --> 01:29:19.880
I love y'all.

1641
01:29:19.880 --> 01:29:20.700
I'll see you soon.

1642
01:29:20.920 --> 01:29:22.480
Bye.