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Hi everyone! Welcome! Hello, hello! Welcome for Advanced Heartwork again.

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Y'all, we have our first placement in-house. For those of you that know, we've been working on foster care.

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Today was the first day, so, so far we're surviving. Pray for us.

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We actually have two kiddos with us right now, just doing some respite care.

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Which I know a lot of y'all have been praying for us, and so I just want you to know thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

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But keep praying for us, because sometimes doing foster work is not for the faint of heart.

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So pray for these little kiddos, and pray for us, and just want to say thank you for that and all your prayers.

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God is doing some awesome things. I'm excited about tonight. I prayed about this a lot.

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We actually were going to try to do a love story tonight, and it just did not come together.

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And so I asked Lord, because I just did, you know, two heartwork sessions last month.

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Well, it felt like in like one month time, and the Lord just very clearly said about disappointment.

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And so I really felt like it was important to lean into that tonight, and so glad that you're here.

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For those watching the replay, I hope this is a tremendous blessing to you and brings a lot of freedom.

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So let's pray, and go ahead and get ready to dive in tonight.

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Yeah, sorry if it said love story on there. Changed the game. That didn't come together.

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We're doing advanced heartwork, and it's going to be a lot of fun.

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All right, Father, thank you so much. Thank you for just even shifting us when we need it.

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God, we had other plans. We had other things in store, and just none of the couples were able to do it tonight.

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But Lord, I know that you had something else in store.

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I think it's kind of even intriguing. Just for months, we thought that we weren't going to be able to even get approved

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because of whose hands our paperwork fell in. But God, you knew the story that you were writing.

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And even right now, for us to get to unpack these two little girls for just a couple days,

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we just feel privileged, even when it's hard.

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And so, God, I thank you for helping me to get over disappointment in the last few months and to trust you.

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And I just pray that you'll help me to convey some of what I've even learned to those here.

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Even when I went through my love story, just overcoming disappointment in that.

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God, you love us so much.

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I pray that more than anything, that people will learn more about the love of God,

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how you see them, how you're there for them all the time,

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and how, God, you want to set them free from the lies that you don't come through for them.

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God, we thank you for revelation and supernatural breakthrough to happen tonight.

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Holy Spirit, we just ask you to have your way.

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Weave in and out of all of the coaching and conversation, everything in the chat.

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I just pray that you would bring those things out of darkness that need to come to the light

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so that there can be freedom and revelation and truth. In Jesus' name, amen.

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So, if you're just jumping on, this is something I prayed about a lot in the last few days.

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I thought we were doing love stories, so that's why that was on your calendar.

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And God just had other plans, y'all.

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And so, when he kept speaking to me about disappointment,

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we've never actually done heartwork on these kind of specific topics,

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but God just kind of keeps leading me to the next topic to cover.

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And so, I hope that you'll pray and lean into this for yourself.

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Even if you haven't been struggling with disappointment lately,

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you might come across another brother and sister in the community.

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Not that you have to heartwork them, but you can definitely be someone that can encourage them, okay?

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Maybe someone else even in your own life, maybe your kids, maybe a sister, maybe your parents.

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So, one of the things I want you to think about is, this is the truth.

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Disappointment is a universal experience for all of us, okay?

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We're all going to face it at some point in life, but here's the thing.

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This is what I kept thinking about the last few days.

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It's all about how we respond when we do face disappointment.

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I want you to really sit with that.

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How we respond to the disappointment is so important.

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Tonight isn't about avoiding disappointment, because that's impossible.

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Life is disappointing.

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Life is amazing, too, you all.

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You know that I say that all the time.

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But just like everybody else, I face disappointment.

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It's about learning to let disappointment, I love this, I love this thought, to become a doorway.

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That disappointment could become a doorway to healing instead of breeding ground,

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like the breeding ground area of lies in our hearts and our lives that would then manifest other things.

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And so, in that, yeah, I do, too, Megan.

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I just, I kept thinking about, even myself, again, I kept thinking about when I overcame the disappointment of failed relationships before.

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I mean, when things just did not, I mean, when things went south with the girl's dad.

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I mean, you guys, I had every disappointment lie possible that surfaced during that time.

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And even when I went on a couple dates after I had healed a lot and those didn't work out,

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even though I knew those people were not really the best match for me, we all still feel disappointed.

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When those things happen, it's real.

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But again, it's what we do with that, that's going to be key.

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So will it be a doorway for you or will it be the breeding ground of lies?

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Here's a key truth to this because there's no shame if you

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struggle with disappointment.

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I want that to be very clear tonight.

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I don't want you to feel shame, shame, guilt, and condemnation

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are from the enemy, remember?

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So if you feel that, I promise it's not coming from me because as I just said,

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even in the last six months, as we've been on this foster journey, I have

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faced a lot of disappointment.

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I faced disappointment in the church.

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There's disappointment in the world, right?

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But I definitely feel like God helped me continue to go back to him and say, okay,

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God, I know what I'm feeling.

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What are you saying?

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And that's the door doorway for you.

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So here's the thing.

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This is what happens.

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It's the moment right after the disappointment happens.

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That I want you to think about as the main doorway.

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That is where we decide, are we going to react from a wound or are we going to

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choose to lean into the Lord and learn how to respond from healing?

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Okay.

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And again, there's no shame if we struggle.

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I promise you, I cried in the last six months because I had disappointment.

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It was hard.

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When the envy, like when we knew we couldn't move forward to do in

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vitro IVF, you all, I cried a lot.

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It was hard, but God knows what we need.

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He knows not just what I need, but you know what?

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He knows what the world needs.

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And even just, even though today has been really hard with the little girls,

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there've been amazing too, but there's been a lot of hard.

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I just keep thinking, man, like I get to give just a little bit of Jesus to these

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girls, I get to give love that they might not have been getting for a really long

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time.

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And so if I can allow, even when it's hard to shift me, it can shift them and

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then it can shift other people, right?

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We are change agents in this world today.

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If we want to be, it doesn't mean we have to do it perfectly.

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It just means we can be, it's an invitation.

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So when disappointment surfaces in our hearts, what are we going to do?

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I want you to think about even in your own life, when disappointment happens,

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what are the lies that you hear?

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Because again, it reveals what's already inside of our heart.

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When disappointment happens, do we believe that God will come through for us?

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Or do we tend to, even if it's for a little bit, believe this is never going to

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happen for me.

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And it's always interesting to me.

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And I know that some of you all feel this because even though we celebrate our

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sisters and our brothers that are getting married, I've been there.

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I've been there.

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It's hard too.

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It's like a double-edged sword because we're celebrating them.

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But some of us, you know, obviously you all, literally tomorrow, four years,

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praise the Lord, four years married.

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But I'm saying that because before that happened, you know, sometimes it was hard.

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And I felt like everywhere I turned around, people were getting engaged or

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pregnant.

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Well, as we were trying to pursue all the IVF and all that stuff, and even recently

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when we were waiting for this, nothing that we could do could change anything.

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It literally, our paperwork was in the hands of an atheist and we just had to

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pray.

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That's all we could do was pray.

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And wouldn't you know that I logged in and two of my friends that I haven't seen

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in like forever just got adopt, like foster kids in their home.

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And I'm like, what in the world is happening?

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Why is this not happening for us?

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But it's happening for them.

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See, I'm human just like you.

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But this is the thing when I, when I felt that I was like, okay, like I cannot partner

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with this.

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This is, this is not truth.

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This is the enemy trying to get me to believe that God is not good.

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Because the reality is this, this is what I know.

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If the fostering door closed, which it didn't, obviously we know that now, but if

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it had, I trust God enough to know that he was directing me somewhere else.

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Y'all, I have a desire to run an orphanage someday.

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It's been in my heart for years.

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So even in this time, when that was happening, God was reminding me of the

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Bethany house.

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That's what I want to call it.

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One day I have a big vision.

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And so again, like, what are we going to do with the disappointment?

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What are we going to allow it to do in our hearts?

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So I'm sharing a little bit of my story, hopefully to encourage you all.

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And I hope it's also making you think about your own life and ways that you can

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shift when you face it too.

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Okay.

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So I want to connect it to the heartwork because I think that's super important.

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I'm not just telling stories tonight.

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We're doing, doing some internal heartwork.

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So, um, the revealing for healing disappointment is often the way again,

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where God's going to surface.

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something that needs tending. And so what I realized in that time is really deep down,

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I was still upset with God that the IVF didn't work. I was really mad at him about it.

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Okay. And so I had to deal with that. I still have to deal with that from time to time.

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When we're disappointed, old wounds get activated. So it then also went back to

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the enemy tried to bring the lie back in. You wasted six years of your life with the girl's dad,

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and if you hadn't done that, your eggs wouldn't have been, you know, all these things. And

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honestly, you all, it wasn't even just on my side that it didn't work out.

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There was a whole host of reasons, but that was what the enemy would try to say to me. And so

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I want you to see again, what, how is the enemy lying to you right now about your love story,

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about babies, about whatever it is, your future retirement finances,

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you all have needs. What is the enemy saying to you right now?

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The old wounds get activated and counterfeit identities. Remember, we've been talking about

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this whole victim versus survivor. We've been kind of leaning into how do these other identities,

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these counterfeit things show up in us and try to take over. So we want to think about the gap.

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Okay. Our expectation and reality is where lies love to plant. So in between that expectation

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and reality, that's where the lies try to be planted by the enemy.

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We often have automatic patterned reactions to, to disappointment that we learned long ago.

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So again, I'm just giving a couple examples. Sorry, hold on one second.

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Happy needs to know one thing. I'm so sorry, you all, we're trying to figure out how to do this.

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The little one just runs wild. So trying to control them by ourselves with two,

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it's just kind of funny, but, okay. So we often have these automatic pattern reactions to

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disappointment that we learned a long time ago. So why don't you even think not just childhood,

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but even like, let's think 10 years ago when you went through something traumatic,

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and you're like, okay, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

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But even like, let's think 10 years ago when you went through something traumatic,

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something that was kind of like a trigger point for you, because the enemy is always going to try

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to get to those trigger points. These patterns become default settings in us. So again,

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I want you to think what's the default for you. When disappointment happens,

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the default is where you're thinking the same kind of thing over and over and over.

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Or sometimes, and this is where he gets us, sometimes it might be a different thought,

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but it is actually a similar thread to another thought that we have on a regular basis.

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These are things that keep us stuck in the same cycles over and over and over.

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Healing is not just a feeling. There's more happening than you realize. So here,

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I'm going to activate you in the chat. Type one word. So we're going to try to keep it to one

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word right now in the chat that describes how disappointment usually happens when you're

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in a relationship. So I'm going to type in one word right now. Disappointment usually

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makes you feel in your body or your heart. Just one word. How does disappointment usually make

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you feel in your body or your heart? All right. Mad, failure, sad, anxious, tight,

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worthless, angry, frustrated. I'm going to try to keep up with grief. Distressed, pained,

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you guys can keep putting them in there. Despair. I just saw empty, tense, sad, powerless. These are

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all so real. Thank you for being transparent. Some people feel numb, hopeless. So again, remember,

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we're asking this to surface. We're asking ourselves to realize this because here's the

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thing. If you remember, we can't allow our feelings to be in the driver's seat. We're

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allowed to feel them. We're allowed to feel disappointment. We don't need to feel shame for it,

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but we don't want our feelings to get in the driver's seat. So if we're feeling mad, remember

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mad anger is hurt's bodyguard. What's underneath of that anger? What's underneath of the numbness?

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Are we pausing long enough to look at, like someone said in there, I think grief. I saw that

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come through. Where's the grief really coming from? Is it coming just from the current disappointment

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or is it leading us back to something that still needs additional layers of healing?

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This next part, I want to talk about asking God really good questions. You guys know,

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this is the cornerstone of the heart. We're continuing to ask God questions. How many

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people, and you don't have to raise your digital hands because it's too hard to get them all down,

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but just you guys can put in the chat or raise your physical hand. How many of you feel like

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sometimes you still don't remember to pause when something happens that's hard and ask God good

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questions. But instead of asking God good questions, ask God good questions.

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Ed, you kind of run with the enemy a little ways.

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Anyone?

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Bueller?

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I do.

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I wish I didn't.

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I wish I didn't.

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And sometimes I catch him so quick.

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And I feel like the things that I've kind of just figured out

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his schemes, it feels like so easy to get him quick, right?

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And then there's other times that he just brings

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this package that looks a little different

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and sounds a little different.

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And when you start unpacking it, it's actually very similar.

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Oh, man.

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I know.

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I don't even know.

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I haven't even watched that movie in a long time.

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So that just came out for funsies, I guess, tonight.

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So OK, let's talk about getting to the root.

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That's why I wanted to talk about this.

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Instead of reacting, OK, we want to get to the root

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instead of reacting when we feel disappointment.

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The quality of our healing is often

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determined, excuse me, by the quality of our questions.

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Some of us need to just throw down, throw down, slow down.

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Can you guys tell I'm tired a little bit?

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Slow down.

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Kind of funny that as I'm saying that,

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I'm mixing my words up because I'm going fast.

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We want to slow down.

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We want to learn how to kind of recalibrate our minds,

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recalibrate our hearts.

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What I mean by questions is that you're

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going to pause long enough to ask the Lord, hey,

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can you help me recognize where is this really coming from?

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Is it just from right now and what I'm experiencing?

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Or Lord, are you trying to show me something

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that I cannot see right now, a layer deeper than what

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I am currently dealing with?

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Or even if it is just the current thing,

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what are the lies that are surfacing

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that you're hearing when you go through disappointment?

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So instead of asking, why is this happening to me?

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We can ask questions that lead to the root of the matter.

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This is aligning with the whole teach me, show me, heal me,

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grow me.

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Again, that is a staple to our community's heart work.

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Here are some other questions for you.

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When disappointments hit, I'm sorry, just questions

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that you can ask the Lord.

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When disappointments hit, you can pause and ask God,

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Lord, what is this disappointment revealing

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in my heart right now?

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What am I believing about you, God, right now

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because of this disappointment?

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What am I believing about myself right now

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because of this disappointment?

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Is there an old wound that this disappointment

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is connecting to in my heart?

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What is the truth you want me to know in this moment?

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And I want to emphasize this moment, you all,

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because here's the thing.

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We can't go back.

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We can't change what happened in our past.

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All we can do is move forward.

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And so if God can show us the truth

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that he wants us to see right now in this moment,

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and we have the capability to do that,

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and we have the capability to hear what he's saying,

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man, that's going to bring freedom and revelation

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that we need right now, not for 20 years ago,

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or 10 years ago, or five.

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I'll read them again for you.

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And it might still be too tough to grab them,

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but I'll do my best to go slow.

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Lord, what is this disappointment revealing in my heart?

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Thank you, Juliana.

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What am I believing about you right now because of this, God?

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What am I believing about myself right now

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because of this disappointment?

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Is there an old wound this is connecting to?

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What is the truth you, God, and we're talking to God,

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want me to know in this moment?

301
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Disappointment often whispers lies

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like God forgot about you.

303
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Disappointment often whispers lies

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like God forgot about me.

305
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I'm always going to be let down.

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I'm not worth the good thing.

307
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It's my fault.

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I ruined it again.

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So we must catch the lie before we pattern with it,

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before we start partnering with it,

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and we start agreeing and saying, yes, this is true,

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even if we don't mean to subconsciously.

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I don't know about you guys, but I tend to hear,

314
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I'm always going to be let down in this area.

315
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And it tends to be about certain things for me.

316
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I tend to battle men that do not like strong women

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over and over and over.

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It's been my whole life.

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It's hard.

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It's disappointing because I feel like I really try

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to just be myself.

322
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And it's tough when I feel like...

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I can't just be myself.

324
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I'm not trying to do anything to them.

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I'm just trying to help run our church and do what I'm called to do.

326
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But I can't keep my eyes on them.

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I have to keep my eyes on the Lord.

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And I have to let God help me process the disappointment of the things that they do and say.

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Because I can't change them, only God can.

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Right?

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And sometimes it's women too.

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So it's not just men, but right now that season is men again.

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Praise the Lord, it'll be over again before long.

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I'm going to keep going.

335
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So we want to catch the lie before we start to pattern with it.

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That's where I was at.

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So we don't want to come into agreement with the lies.

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We want to come into agreement with the truth.

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But remember, you're revealing for healing cycle.

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I hope you all still are trying to use that from time to time.

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Even if it's not every time.

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If you're feeling yourself stuck in disappointment or discouragement or whatever the cycle is, if it's a sin cycle or there's a lot of lies surfacing,

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please, I encourage you to get that stuff back out and really allow yourself to put into practice what it's walking you through.

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Because if you remember, if you follow that all the way through,

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it should take you from the lies and the pain and the trauma all the way through to the truth to replace the lie.

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And remember, truth is what sets us free.

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The knowledge of the truth is what sets us free.

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Did you know that?

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It's not just truth, but it's the knowledge of the truth.

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And the truth comes from heaven.

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It comes from the heart of the Father for us.

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So when we pause and we ask God these questions that I gave you, remember, if we hear negative stuff, you all, that is when you're going to want to say, okay,

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I'm going to write this negative thing down and I'm going to cross it out because God doesn't say negative things about me.

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Now, God will convict us.

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He will ask us to walk out of sin.

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He'll ask us to turn around and go the right way.

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But he's not going to put us down.

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So if you're hearing put downs, that is not from him.

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The Revealing for Healing sheet, that is in everybody that's on this call tonight.

360
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Under your courses tab, you should still have the heart work.

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And when you go inside the heart work, it should be week three, I think.

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All right.

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Here's your next activation.

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In the chat, share one lie that disappointment has tried to get you to believe about yourself or about God.

365
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In the chat, share one lie that disappointment has tried to get you to believe about yourself or about God.

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It's important because naming these things takes away some of their power.

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Tracy said God doesn't really care.

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It will never be your turn.

369
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This is other people.

370
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God must not love me.

371
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You're a failure.

372
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Yeah.

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God must not love me.

374
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That's a huge one.

375
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I know a lot of people believe that.

376
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I won't get asked out on a date.

377
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Anyone ever say it's never going to happen for me?

378
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Anyone?

379
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This is never going to change.

380
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Yeah.

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And again, this is stuff that we keep partnering with.

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And again, I know it's hard.

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Choosing to not partner with this stuff isn't going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

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I am unworthy and God is being difficult.

385
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Oh, interesting.

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How many of you that believe that kind of lie were actually told as children that you were just being difficult?

387
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Interesting.

388
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That's what just came up in my spirit as soon as I saw that.

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Nothing better will come.

390
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I'm not enough.

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It will never happen for me or to me.

392
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I am too old for marriage.

393
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Well, we know that's not true because we have people.

394
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I saw somebody the other day, 95, and they got married.

395
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I was like, that is awesome.

396
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No one wants to hire me.

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Candace, you are hireable.

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In Jesus' name, you are hired in the spirit realm already.

399
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He isn't interested in answering my prayers.

400
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All right.

401
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.000
God cares about us, ladies and gentlemen.

402
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:15.000
I'm not going to have time to read them all, but I probably will go back and grab the text chat from this because I feel like this could totally help me create another session for all of us.

403
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All right.

404
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:20.000
So because I learn with you all when I do all this, how disappointment shows up.

405
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I want to connect it.

406
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I felt like this was such an important connection for us.

407
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Okay.

408
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So I'm bringing out the revealing for healing sheet tonight.

409
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I'm bringing out the self-preservation techniques sheets.

410
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Revisit time.

411
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Revisit time.

412
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And here's what I'm going to do.

413
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I'm going to connect disappointment to several things that show up on that self-preservation sheet.

414
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I was so excited about this when I was sitting and looking at this stuff.

415
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All right.

416
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.000
Here we go.

417
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Because here again, we want to recognize our reaction patterns.

418
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When we're disappointed, we often reach for self-preservation techniques.

419
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These are the ways that we try to protect ourselves from feeling the pain.

420
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.000
All right.

421
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.880
actually keep us from healing. These are not character flaws. Remember, they are learned

422
00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:02.000
Thank you.

423
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.000
Thank you.

424
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:04.000
Thank you.

425
00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:05.000
Thank you.

426
00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:05.000


427
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:14.660
survival mechanisms. Did everybody hear me? Self-preservation techniques are not character

428
00:25:14.660 --> 00:25:24.320
flaws about you. They are your learned survival mechanisms. No shame in that. It's just awareness.

429
00:25:24.320 --> 00:25:31.720
It's about awareness. But let's not stay there. Okay? Let's continue to ask God to help us

430
00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:41.200
to come out of these places. Awareness is the first step to choosing differently. Okay?

431
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:44.840
Self-preservation techniques that often surface with disappointment. Here they are. I put

432
00:25:44.840 --> 00:25:50.240
them in little clusters together. And again, this is just my own kind of trying to be creative

433
00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:54.600
and help you guys remember some of this stuff. The first one I'm going to call the withdrawal

434
00:25:54.600 --> 00:26:03.840
cluster. Okay? So these three tend to do with withdrawing when we feel disappointment. Isolating.

435
00:26:03.840 --> 00:26:08.560
Sealing off from others so no one can see our pain or disappointment. Withdrawal. Pulling

436
00:26:08.560 --> 00:26:15.200
back emotionally to avoid being let down again. Running away. Using a geographical cure instead

437
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:22.080
of dealing with the root. Marley's laughing. So I'm wondering if that hit home at all.

438
00:26:22.080 --> 00:26:26.240
I love seeing you guys. You're amazing. I love seeing your faces. I go on some of my

439
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:30.440
other sessions. You know, people haven't been around in the community very long. Sometimes

440
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:36.600
I'm like literally no cameras on and I'm just coaching to myself. And I'm like, please,

441
00:26:36.600 --> 00:26:41.240
please turn your cameras on. So anyways, I love seeing you all. It really makes it when

442
00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:45.400
you're coaching. Because you can see when people are struggling with what you're saying,

443
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:50.000
processing it. You know, some people cry, have emotions. Somebody's laughing, you know.

444
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:53.800
Because it resonates, right? So thank you to all of you. And for those of you who couldn't

445
00:26:53.800 --> 00:26:57.440
turn your camera on tonight, it's totally fine. But let's keep showing up. Let's let

446
00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:04.500
ourselves be seen. It's important. Right? I think some of us on the note of withdrawal,

447
00:27:04.500 --> 00:27:10.520
I think some of us quit showing up on camera because we have been disappointed. And some

448
00:27:10.520 --> 00:27:16.320
of us are like, what's the point? And here, ladies, get ready. I just heard the Lord.

449
00:27:16.320 --> 00:27:23.140
So I'm just going to let it out. Some of us ladies are like, there's hardly any men here.

450
00:27:23.140 --> 00:27:31.800
So why should I get on camera? Ouch. Suckers. Y'all let's get on camera because you know

451
00:27:31.800 --> 00:27:37.480
what? You're not just showing up for the men. You're showing up for yourself. I hope you

452
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:44.640
know that. If the men are here and your spirit mate comes from this community, awesome. But

453
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.840
you know what? There are a lot of good men all over. I didn't find my guy in this community.

454
00:27:48.840 --> 00:27:55.160
I wanted to, I wanted to, but that was not what God had planned. And that is okay with

455
00:27:55.160 --> 00:28:02.280
me. I'm so happy for who I have. So let's show up on camera for you and look good for

456
00:28:02.280 --> 00:28:07.100
you first, because if you'll do it for yourself, and this is for the men too, but I just know

457
00:28:07.220 --> 00:28:12.460
how my, I know how the ladies sometimes get, and I get it. But sometimes too, let's just

458
00:28:12.460 --> 00:28:17.220
be thankful for who we have here because I think that's important too. All right. Numbing

459
00:28:17.220 --> 00:28:23.860
cluster is the second one. The numbing cluster. Tamika, thanks for being honest. I felt that

460
00:28:23.860 --> 00:28:30.420
way too in the past. Minimizing. This is the self-preservation technique of minimizing.

461
00:28:30.420 --> 00:28:37.260
It's not a big deal when it actually really hurt. So how many of you have actually been

462
00:28:37.260 --> 00:28:42.540
telling yourself, you know, it just doesn't even really matter. That didn't even hurt,

463
00:28:42.540 --> 00:28:48.740
but you're actually like you felt it inside. Denial. Telling ourselves the disappointment

464
00:28:48.740 --> 00:28:54.860
didn't happen or doesn't matter. Intellectualizing. Staying in our head to avoid feeling the emotional

465
00:28:54.860 --> 00:29:03.860
weight. Protection cluster. This is cluster number three. I put these three under protection.

466
00:29:03.860 --> 00:29:10.900
Resentment. Holding grudges against the person or situation that disappointed us. Blaming,

467
00:29:10.900 --> 00:29:19.980
refusing to look at our own part or expectations. Self-pity. This always happens to me spiraling.

468
00:29:19.980 --> 00:29:27.020
The self-directed cluster. I just put two under this tonight. Self-deprecation. This

469
00:29:27.020 --> 00:29:31.420
has been coming up a lot in my spirit for people too lately that I've been praying for

470
00:29:31.420 --> 00:29:36.140
in our community. People I've been coaching. And here's what it says. Putting ourselves

471
00:29:36.140 --> 00:29:46.220
down. I should have known better. We do that even when we want something and it doesn't

472
00:29:46.220 --> 00:29:50.460
work out. I should have just known better than to get my hopes up. I should have known

473
00:29:50.460 --> 00:29:57.500
better than to believe God when he said I would be a miracle. I'm just being real.

474
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.520
Some of us, you know, God, we know God told us things and we don't see them right now.

475
00:30:08.520 --> 00:30:12.800
You all, interestingly enough, when I was married before, I had someone come up and

476
00:30:12.800 --> 00:30:16.080
give me a prophetic word that I knew was from the Lord, but I just kind of had to laugh

477
00:30:16.080 --> 00:30:17.400
at it.

478
00:30:17.400 --> 00:30:18.400
This is what they said.

479
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:21.800
This was back when I was married before my marriage was falling apart and this person

480
00:30:21.800 --> 00:30:27.160
comes up to me and prays over me and gives me this prophetic word that I'll be used to

481
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:30.680
heal marriages and family and lead people in marriage and family.

482
00:30:30.680 --> 00:30:36.400
And I just was like, like, Lord, are you for real right now?

483
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:38.600
Like my marriage has fallen apart.

484
00:30:38.600 --> 00:30:45.040
Cause see, I couldn't see what God could see, but see now look at all this hindsight.

485
00:30:45.040 --> 00:30:46.360
You guys see some of this stuff.

486
00:30:46.360 --> 00:30:50.360
I mean, even before I came in this community, I helped, I was a single person.

487
00:30:50.360 --> 00:30:53.240
I helped run a marriage conference online.

488
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:54.240
What?

489
00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:55.920
Yes, I did.

490
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:59.280
And I totally opened that door and I went right through it and help those people because

491
00:30:59.280 --> 00:31:08.440
I brought the whole side of how to help people going through domestic violence and abuse.

492
00:31:08.440 --> 00:31:12.840
And I was able to help a lot of people that were married navigating things.

493
00:31:12.840 --> 00:31:18.680
So never underestimate your story because God is in working in it and he's moving in

494
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:22.200
ways that you can't even imagine to get you to where he wants to take you.

495
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:26.400
Here's another one under that self-directed cluster, self-pity getting, getting stuck

496
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:31.120
in the poor me story, poor me, poor me never works out for me.

497
00:31:31.120 --> 00:31:35.320
You know, let's snap out of that ladies and gentlemen, because it's not good for us.

498
00:31:35.320 --> 00:31:36.320
All right.

499
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:37.320
Key insight.

500
00:31:37.320 --> 00:31:39.720
Notice that these are not listed to shame you again.

501
00:31:39.720 --> 00:31:43.400
Just want to remind you, even as I said that last comment, they're listed so you can catch

502
00:31:43.400 --> 00:31:44.400
yourself in the moment.

503
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:47.920
And I hope that it's just bringing it back and saying it out loud tonight.

504
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:51.680
Hopefully that will stir some things up and help you recognize it when you do it in the

505
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:57.280
days ahead and choose a healing response instead of saying, yeah, I'm going to partner

506
00:31:57.280 --> 00:31:58.280
with that.

507
00:31:58.280 --> 00:32:01.720
I'm going to believe that it's just better off if I pull away from people, it's just

508
00:32:01.720 --> 00:32:06.760
better off if I never go out because this date didn't work and none of these dates work.

509
00:32:06.760 --> 00:32:09.640
And it doesn't even matter if I get dressed up because guys don't even notice me.

510
00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:11.940
You guys, this literally happens.

511
00:32:11.940 --> 00:32:14.720
And I do think this happens for the men too.

512
00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:19.620
I just can let loose those things for the women a little easier because I'm a woman

513
00:32:19.620 --> 00:32:23.020
and I've been through this and I hear a lot of things y'all are saying.

514
00:32:23.020 --> 00:32:25.180
Here's the next activation really quickly.

515
00:32:25.180 --> 00:32:26.680
All right.

516
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:32.180
So looking at some of these different self-preservation techniques that I even put in there tonight,

517
00:32:32.180 --> 00:32:35.980
which one do you tend to reach for when you're disappointed?

518
00:32:35.980 --> 00:32:37.460
Drop that in the chat for us.

519
00:32:37.460 --> 00:32:39.660
Which ones are most popular for you?

520
00:32:39.660 --> 00:32:42.620
And you don't have to remember the cluster name.

521
00:32:42.620 --> 00:32:45.020
I'm just talking about the self-preservation.

522
00:32:45.020 --> 00:32:49.580
Dinah says avoid or run away, withdraw and go numb.

523
00:32:49.580 --> 00:32:59.540
Holding back, minimizing, withdrawal, isolation, lots of minimizing, withdrawal and isolation.

524
00:32:59.540 --> 00:33:04.340
Self-pity, withdraw, numbing, agent, isolate, self-directed, self-deprecation.

525
00:33:04.340 --> 00:33:09.160
All right, keep putting those in there because again, this is all about you getting further

526
00:33:09.160 --> 00:33:11.140
into freedom.

527
00:33:11.140 --> 00:33:15.660
Saying that you don't care, Swerna says that, right?

528
00:33:15.660 --> 00:33:20.540
So for those of you that tend to tell yourself that you don't care when you really do, I

529
00:33:20.540 --> 00:33:23.420
really want to encourage you this week when that kind of starts to happen that you'll

530
00:33:23.420 --> 00:33:26.940
just pause and say, I do care.

531
00:33:26.940 --> 00:33:30.260
And right now, heart, I'm acknowledging you.

532
00:33:30.260 --> 00:33:34.540
I know that might seem like a simple, silly thing, but it's really important.

533
00:33:34.540 --> 00:33:37.700
And I would encourage all of you to kind of stop and do that this week.

534
00:33:37.700 --> 00:33:42.740
When something happens and it hurts us, we don't have to linger there forever, but that

535
00:33:42.740 --> 00:33:48.300
we would just like honor our own heart for a minute, but remember, we don't want to stay

536
00:33:48.300 --> 00:33:49.300
there long.

537
00:33:49.300 --> 00:33:50.300
Okay.

538
00:33:50.300 --> 00:33:53.540
That doesn't mean we can't feel the pain, but we don't want to live forever in the pain.

539
00:33:53.540 --> 00:33:55.300
We want to heal and move forward.

540
00:33:55.300 --> 00:33:56.580
All right.

541
00:33:56.580 --> 00:33:57.580
Okay.

542
00:33:57.580 --> 00:33:59.740
Responding instead of reacting, because here's the real thing.

543
00:33:59.740 --> 00:34:01.500
A lot of us don't know how to do that.

544
00:34:01.500 --> 00:34:04.340
We don't know how to respond versus react.

545
00:34:04.340 --> 00:34:07.180
And so I hope that I'm going to give you a couple tools.

546
00:34:07.180 --> 00:34:09.580
I hope that they'll help you at least a little bit.

547
00:34:09.580 --> 00:34:13.659
Remember, this is not about being perfect.

548
00:34:13.659 --> 00:34:15.940
It's just about taking imperfect action.

549
00:34:15.940 --> 00:34:16.940
Okay.

550
00:34:16.940 --> 00:34:20.179
So we're just going to try to implement a little bit at a time.

551
00:34:20.179 --> 00:34:21.820
Don't feel bad if you don't remember it all.

552
00:34:21.820 --> 00:34:28.020
If you remember one thing from tonight, most of us, that's about how much we, I know it's

553
00:34:28.020 --> 00:34:29.020
crazy.

554
00:34:29.020 --> 00:34:32.980
I go and even sermons, my own husband preaches and I'm like, man, that's awesome.

555
00:34:32.980 --> 00:34:37.820
And then I leave and somebody says something that isn't awesome and shoot, it's kind of

556
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:40.219
steals that sometimes, doesn't it?

557
00:34:40.219 --> 00:34:41.219
It even happens to me.

558
00:34:41.219 --> 00:34:42.219
So I get it.

559
00:34:42.219 --> 00:34:47.820
But let's try to just even remember one thing tonight that can help you kind of get set

560
00:34:47.820 --> 00:34:48.820
free and win.

561
00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:50.820
Hold on one second.

562
00:34:50.820 --> 00:34:51.820
Okay.

563
00:34:51.820 --> 00:34:58.140
So I'm going to call it the pause practice, P-A-U-S-E.

564
00:34:58.140 --> 00:35:00.220
Disappointment hits before you react.

565
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.240
act. I want you to pause. P is pause and notice what you're feeling, which is what I kind

566
00:35:07.240 --> 00:35:14.320
of was just talking about. Don't stuff it down. Don't react right away on it. Some of

567
00:35:14.320 --> 00:35:20.160
us just need to kind of count to 10 backwards because you know that counting backwards actually

568
00:35:20.160 --> 00:35:27.040
does something in your brain to kind of helps deescalate things. Yeah, pretend that. Yeah,

569
00:35:27.200 --> 00:35:33.680
Leslie, I'm with you sometimes. I need 100,000 sometimes. Go sit in the timeout, Bethany,

570
00:35:33.680 --> 00:35:40.880
because you need to cool down. I put myself in timeout sometimes. All right. Let's see. Pause.

571
00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:48.160
A, ask God the good questions from segment two. I was talking about that just a few minutes ago.

572
00:35:48.160 --> 00:36:01.680
U, uncover the lie that is trying to take root. S is speak the truth over the lie. Out loud,

573
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:10.680
out loud, so important. Speak the truth over the lie. And then E is embrace the healing response

574
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:19.160
instead of the reactive pattern. Again, shifting isn't always easy. We do it a little bit at a

575
00:36:19.160 --> 00:36:25.960
time. Sometimes it's easier than others. But pausing, that first piece is going to be so

576
00:36:25.960 --> 00:36:33.520
important. Pause and notice what you're feeling. Don't stuff it down. Don't act on it yet. All

577
00:36:33.520 --> 00:36:41.920
right. I'm going to give you some more stuff. Real life handles. Here we go. Name it to tame it.

578
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:51.600
You got to name it to tame it. We do. I'm feeling disappointed right now, and that is okay. I'm

579
00:36:51.600 --> 00:36:55.040
feeling disappointed. What are you feeling disappointed about? Talk to God about it. Like,

580
00:36:55.600 --> 00:37:02.960
let's just be real. Now, when I say this, super important too, sometimes our prayer calls,

581
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:07.680
and I know we have to pray through disappointment. I know we have to pray through grief,

582
00:37:07.680 --> 00:37:15.760
but sometimes it is tough when I can just tell the spirit in our calls just kind of starts going

583
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:21.760
down. Anyone else ever feel it? I know I feel it. And so I'm not trying to ask us to be fake,

584
00:37:21.760 --> 00:37:27.040
because again, I'm talking tonight about us noticing what we're feeling, but I'm also asking

585
00:37:27.040 --> 00:37:33.040
us all to do the whole pause where we're going all the way through to the truth and we're really

586
00:37:33.040 --> 00:37:37.280
starting to get some freedom. And so remember on our prayer calls, and even the men can learn from

587
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:43.440
this, what we tend to do, what we're supposed to do is turn a story into a prayer or turn a,

588
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:49.360
you know, something that's going on in our lives. We turn it into a prayer over the whole community.

589
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:54.720
Okay. Good or bad. We release the good. If it's a bad thing, let's release the positive in faith.

590
00:37:55.280 --> 00:38:01.520
You know, some of you weren't here, but way back, God told me I was a bride before I was a bride.

591
00:38:01.520 --> 00:38:07.600
And I just started coming on calls and dressed in, I dressed in a bride outfit one time. I didn't

592
00:38:07.600 --> 00:38:11.600
have a dress. I just came on and all white. I mean, this was forever ago. And then I redid that

593
00:38:11.600 --> 00:38:16.400
again at some point. I don't know if that's probably been two years ago now, but man,

594
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:21.520
those were game changing times for me when God led me to do that. And that wasn't,

595
00:38:22.080 --> 00:38:28.960
that wasn't me working something up. God was doing something in me and it was changing how I

596
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:34.960
was showing up. And I believed I was a bride. And then that enabled me to receive being a bride.

597
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:42.560
Does that make sense? So even for our grooms, gentlemen, you got to stop partnering with,

598
00:38:42.560 --> 00:38:47.200
I can't find anybody good because this, this, this, and this, whatever the, this is our,

599
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:51.760
you're just like the ladies. Sometimes we have all these lists and we have all these reasons

600
00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:57.040
why God can't do whatever it is, whether it's a spirit mate again, or a job, whatever it is,

601
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:05.120
let's get rid of our list. Let's surrender the pen to the Lord fully. Like I said, even earlier,

602
00:39:05.120 --> 00:39:12.640
like even when it doesn't work out the way we want some of you all, there's probably someone

603
00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:20.080
that you were dating and you thought they were going to be the one and they weren't. And that's

604
00:39:20.080 --> 00:39:28.480
hard. And my heart goes out to you, but man, God's saving you for something better if that happens.

605
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:35.520
And I'm not just making that up. It's real. Okay. Here's another one. Feel it to heal it.

606
00:39:35.520 --> 00:39:40.160
I'm hoping these will be catchy. So you remember, so name it to tame it, feel it to heal it. Give

607
00:39:40.160 --> 00:39:44.560
yourself permission to actually feel the disappointment without rushing past it or numbing

608
00:39:44.560 --> 00:39:52.080
it. Take it to God before you take it out. Okay. Cross this with the Lord before you react to the

609
00:39:52.080 --> 00:39:59.040
people. That's the point. Even if you get mad at people in the group or church or any of the places

610
00:39:59.040 --> 00:39:59.680
that you go,

611
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.440
sometimes you're getting mad at yourself. Let's not put ourselves down. Watch for your default.

612
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:13.120
Know your go-to self-preservation techniques. Know your go-to lies so that you can catch them.

613
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:18.560
Remember and go through that cycle to the truth and then choose truth on purpose.

614
00:40:20.240 --> 00:40:28.000
Choose the truth on purpose. Have your truth declarations ready to go before the

615
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:38.400
disappointment comes. This is so important because when we're tired and we feel weak,

616
00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:43.520
man, the enemy will come in harder. And that's when he's going to try to take us out. And if

617
00:40:43.520 --> 00:40:48.480
he can try to get us to believe what he's saying, because we just, our defenses are down, just like

618
00:40:48.480 --> 00:40:53.600
Elijah. He took down, you know, Jezebel and the prophets on the mountain. And then what happens?

619
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:59.360
He goes out into the wilderness under the terebinth tree. He's just exhausted.

620
00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:04.080
And what's he start saying? Basically, just take me. I just want to die.

621
00:41:07.040 --> 00:41:09.120
I mean, that's essentially what he was doing out there.

622
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:16.560
And then what happens for those of you that said, God doesn't care about you or your needs.

623
00:41:16.560 --> 00:41:25.120
Think about this story. What does God do? Did he leave Elijah there under that tree by himself

624
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:34.080
without any provision? No, he didn't. He used a bird to bring him something that he needed.

625
00:41:36.160 --> 00:41:39.120
I don't know if God will use a bird to bring you your spirit mate,

626
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:46.000
but who knows what he will use to show you a direction or a step to take or whatever that

627
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:54.080
will lead you the next step closer. God will send provision in all kinds of ways.

628
00:41:55.600 --> 00:42:03.440
All right. So heartwork is a lifestyle, you all. It's a lifestyle, forgiveness, repentance, surrender,

629
00:42:03.520 --> 00:42:09.600
guarding our heart garden. Remember, we want to guard our hearts and our minds through Christ

630
00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:17.040
Jesus. Every time you respond, instead of reacting, you rewire. I do it too. When we respond,

631
00:42:17.680 --> 00:42:24.560
instead of react, we rewire the old patterns and we build new healthy ones. But when we react,

632
00:42:24.560 --> 00:42:31.040
we reinforce the other ones, the bad ones that need to go. So let's do our best again. There's

633
00:42:31.040 --> 00:42:38.880
no shame in it, but when we fall down, let's do our best to try to figure out, okay, what caused

634
00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:44.560
me to fall down in that way? What caused me to start partnering with all of these negative thought

635
00:42:44.560 --> 00:42:51.920
patterns again? Where I started thinking that God just keeps sending me guys that just, I go on one

636
00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:58.640
date and I just don't get past one date. I'm the one date girl. I've had people say that in the

637
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:07.920
groups. I get why, why we do that stuff. But if, if we're, if we're partnering with, I'm the one

638
00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:20.240
date girl, what are we going to be? The one date girl. Yeah. Let's not partner with that stuff.

639
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:25.680
I under, again, I understand why that gets hard and why that happens for people,

640
00:43:25.680 --> 00:43:31.040
but here's the reality. If we really looked back at some of those people's stories,

641
00:43:31.040 --> 00:43:36.080
I really believe this. I think we're going to see that they did actually have some

642
00:43:36.080 --> 00:43:44.320
people that went to second dates. Maybe it didn't get farther than that in that moment,

643
00:43:45.040 --> 00:43:51.920
but maybe we partnered with, no, I'm just the one day girl. And then the more we partner with that,

644
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:58.720
the further away we get because we go into that first date with what, what's going on, on the

645
00:43:58.720 --> 00:44:06.480
inside of us. Guess what we're bringing to that first date. I'm just the one date girl. So this

646
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:15.680
probably isn't going to go anywhere. Y'all, this is legit. This is good stuff. What are you taking

647
00:44:15.680 --> 00:44:20.000
out on dates with you? What are you taking on to a video date with you? What are you taking into

648
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:25.040
the chats with you? I'm telling you, this stuff shows up with people on the other end, whether

649
00:44:25.040 --> 00:44:29.200
you realize or not, just like some of you all, some of these people, men and women alike, you're

650
00:44:29.200 --> 00:44:36.800
like, oh, that was bad. Right? Well, guess what they brought to their chat? Something they were

651
00:44:36.800 --> 00:44:44.080
carrying. So again, it's, it's not about being perfect, but let's try to let some of this stuff

652
00:44:44.080 --> 00:44:50.480
get cleaned out so that we can show up differently in the days ahead. And every day that we would

653
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:56.880
become more of who Christ wants us to be. Remember we're unbecoming some things and we're becoming

654
00:44:56.880 --> 00:44:57.920
some new things.

655
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.320
as we start to close and then I'll open the heartwork seat for anyone that wants to get in it.

656
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:09.840
Don't beat yourself up when you slip and fall, when you go into an old pattern. Here's the thing

657
00:45:09.840 --> 00:45:16.080
I want you to work on. Celebrate the moments that you catch this stuff and you start shifting. We

658
00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:24.560
need to celebrate our wins more. We need to celebrate our wins a lot more. So let's declare

659
00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:29.600
some truths together. You don't have to unmute or anything. Just say them with me after I say them.

660
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:36.960
Disappointment will not master me. It will reveal what needs healing.

661
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:43.760
I will ask good questions instead of believing bad lies.

662
00:45:46.400 --> 00:45:51.200
I choose to respond from my healing, not react from my wounds.

663
00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:59.600
God has not forgotten me and I am worth the good things that he has for me.

664
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:07.040
Yes, Lord. I thought that. I am worth it. I'm worth the good things.

665
00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:13.040
Y'all, I'm just like, Daddy, just give it all to me when the time is right.

666
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:21.040
Because sometimes I think I'm ready. Even today, y'all, I was like, oh shoot. I thought I was ready

667
00:46:21.040 --> 00:46:27.520
for this. This is freaking hard. And y'all, I've raised kids before. It's not about that.

668
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:33.840
I had littles. I had adult ones, teenage ones. I've raised all different ages,

669
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:38.480
but it's a whole different story when they come fresh out with a bunch of trauma.

670
00:46:39.520 --> 00:46:41.600
It's just embedded in them until they learn different.

671
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:49.040
But those he calls, he equips. And so in those moments, I'm just like, God,

672
00:46:49.040 --> 00:46:55.760
just give me what I need so that I can do this. So for you, I hope that you do that. I hope you

673
00:46:55.760 --> 00:47:02.000
do that in the moments that you're struggling. This is hard, Lord. But just, Lord, just give me

674
00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:10.240
what I need. Give me what I need. I don't know what, Janine, I'm not sure what you're asking

675
00:47:10.240 --> 00:47:14.560
for, the declarations. If so, yes, I can put those in the group. It probably won't be tonight.

676
00:47:14.560 --> 00:47:17.120
My husband's been doing good out there. They're quiet right now, but they were

677
00:47:17.120 --> 00:47:23.120
screaming a little bit ago. But I am going to open the heart receipt and anyone that wants to

678
00:47:23.120 --> 00:47:28.720
get into it, I'd be honored to see what God wants to do here for the rest of our time together.

679
00:47:30.240 --> 00:47:35.040
If you can put up your digital hand just so I know. Hi, Lynn. Let's hear what you have to share.

680
00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:46.320
Hi, Bethany. Oh my gosh. Supernatural Sunday and tonight are so appropriate to what's going

681
00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:53.120
on with me. I'm going to try to make a real long story super short. A guy that I dated,

682
00:47:54.480 --> 00:48:02.320
he told me it was 22 years ago, has kind of been reaching out throughout the years here and there,

683
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:08.960
but when we dated, he was a full-blown alcoholic to the point where his pancreas was shot.

684
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:16.080
And, you know, we went through a lot. I stuck with him and he all these years has called me

685
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:20.720
his angel because I'm the only one that never gave up on him. But I just didn't want that for

686
00:48:20.720 --> 00:48:26.960
my life. I knew he needed, you know, he wanted children. I was done having children. So I just

687
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:34.000
kind of broke up with him and it was 22 years ago. He remarried. His ex-wife had two kids,

688
00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:40.160
got divorced 10 years ago. Soon as he got divorced, he reached out to me. And again,

689
00:48:40.160 --> 00:48:48.160
I made it very clear that I wasn't interested. And it's on Monday, he reached out to me again.

690
00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:52.880
And this time it was really different. He had those kind of tendencies,

691
00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:57.920
alcoholic tendencies where he, you know, they kind of want what they want kind of thing.

692
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:04.480
And he was a little pushy and I just, it just turned me off. But going through the hard work

693
00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:10.240
and all the healing that I've had, this time I received what he had to say differently. And I

694
00:49:10.240 --> 00:49:16.240
ran it by several of my team, my, my, what do you call them? What do you call it? My group

695
00:49:16.240 --> 00:49:22.960
of people. And they all said, Lynn sounds like he's done the work. So he shot me a message.

696
00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:33.200
Um, it says, here comes Jesus. And it was a video about the Lord. Um, and I just, I, I just

697
00:49:33.200 --> 00:49:37.920
didn't do anything because I just didn't know what to do. And I was just really praying about it.

698
00:49:37.920 --> 00:49:44.800
So then on, um, the next morning he texts me good morning, Lynn. And I said, good morning, Paul.

699
00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:52.000
So that was you? He said, yes, ma'am. It was. And so he just started telling me what was going on

700
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:56.000
in his life. And he asked me, he said, how are you? My mom loves you so much.

701
00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:59.760
She's always talking about you and how you and I should get together. And I said,

702
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.240
Mom, you know how I feel about her.

703
00:50:02.240 --> 00:50:04.760
And I tried for quite some time to take her out,

704
00:50:04.760 --> 00:50:06.680
but she's done made up her mind.

705
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:12.880
So we'd been, we chatted throughout the day

706
00:50:12.880 --> 00:50:15.780
and I just felt like something was different.

707
00:50:15.780 --> 00:50:19.480
And I thought everything that you guys have been teaching,

708
00:50:19.480 --> 00:50:23.000
maybe it's time, things are circling back.

709
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:25.880
Is he really nervous?

710
00:50:25.880 --> 00:50:27.320
Sober now?

711
00:50:27.320 --> 00:50:29.240
Been sober for 22 years.

712
00:50:29.720 --> 00:50:32.400
When we were together is when he got sober.

713
00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:34.400
And I went through that whole thing with him.

714
00:50:34.400 --> 00:50:37.040
And he did, he got sober.

715
00:50:37.040 --> 00:50:39.520
He has been sober all these years.

716
00:50:41.320 --> 00:50:43.500
And is he a believer?

717
00:50:43.500 --> 00:50:44.340
What?

718
00:50:44.340 --> 00:50:45.280
Is he a believer then?

719
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:46.840
Or did he just send you that video?

720
00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:51.840
That was one of the things that I didn't wanna venture into

721
00:50:52.440 --> 00:50:54.400
cause he's a very strong Catholic.

722
00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:55.480
I grew up Catholic,

723
00:50:55.480 --> 00:50:58.560
but he does have a relationship with the Lord,

724
00:50:58.600 --> 00:51:00.200
a very strong relationship with the Lord,

725
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:02.200
but he also was a really strong Catholic

726
00:51:02.200 --> 00:51:04.520
and I don't go to the Catholic church anymore.

727
00:51:04.520 --> 00:51:07.560
So that was one thing I just was nervous about.

728
00:51:07.560 --> 00:51:10.400
But again, through everything you guys teach,

729
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:12.200
I'm trying to just be open-minded.

730
00:51:12.200 --> 00:51:14.920
I'm trying to just go really slow

731
00:51:14.920 --> 00:51:17.820
and try to pray about this and navigate it.

732
00:51:17.820 --> 00:51:20.120
So I told him that I would.

733
00:51:20.120 --> 00:51:22.440
He said, would you please consider

734
00:51:22.440 --> 00:51:23.720
hanging out once in a while

735
00:51:23.720 --> 00:51:26.600
instead of just touching base every three to five years?

736
00:51:26.600 --> 00:51:28.440
So I said, sure.

737
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:31.000
I said, as long as you understand,

738
00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:33.680
as long as we're on the same page,

739
00:51:33.680 --> 00:51:35.000
I'm comfortable with that.

740
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:38.240
I would ask what hanging out means

741
00:51:39.120 --> 00:51:41.960
cause that's a whole lot of different things to me.

742
00:51:41.960 --> 00:51:43.640
Well, I had said to him,

743
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:46.000
one of the things that I had said to him back 10 years ago,

744
00:51:46.000 --> 00:51:46.960
you don't wanna date me

745
00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:49.920
because I'm not gonna sleep with you.

746
00:51:49.920 --> 00:51:53.940
So my relationship with the Lord is,

747
00:51:53.940 --> 00:51:55.480
that's not what I'm gonna do.

748
00:51:55.480 --> 00:51:57.720
And he wasn't in that place at the time.

749
00:51:57.720 --> 00:52:00.720
He's like, if I see you, I'm gonna wanna,

750
00:52:00.720 --> 00:52:01.680
and I said, forget it.

751
00:52:01.680 --> 00:52:03.400
I'm not even gonna meet with you.

752
00:52:03.400 --> 00:52:07.760
Well, now he said, I've been celibate for nine years, Lynn,

753
00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:09.760
for the very same reasons that you are.

754
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:12.200
I'm not just gonna date anybody.

755
00:52:12.200 --> 00:52:15.820
He said, you are the most incredible woman I've ever met.

756
00:52:15.820 --> 00:52:18.480
And that's never changed for me.

757
00:52:18.480 --> 00:52:20.960
So, you know.

758
00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:24.180
Stay curious, keep paying attention.

759
00:52:25.720 --> 00:52:28.820
One of the things that I would encourage you to do,

760
00:52:30.720 --> 00:52:34.100
I don't think it's any big deal that he is Catholic.

761
00:52:34.100 --> 00:52:37.620
I think there's a lot of amazing spiritual Catholics.

762
00:52:37.620 --> 00:52:40.740
I think the thing is that you need to, at some point,

763
00:52:40.740 --> 00:52:42.980
it doesn't have to be right now,

764
00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:47.980
is really decide for yourself a couple things.

765
00:52:48.940 --> 00:52:52.740
Number one, at some point you need to have a conversation

766
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:56.880
with what his expectation be for you to become Catholic.

767
00:52:56.880 --> 00:52:59.760
Because it's different to date someone who's Catholic

768
00:52:59.760 --> 00:53:03.440
versus marry someone who wants you

769
00:53:03.440 --> 00:53:05.480
to convert to Catholicism

770
00:53:05.480 --> 00:53:08.680
if that's not something you want to do, okay?

771
00:53:08.680 --> 00:53:11.600
Again, we're not here to say what is,

772
00:53:11.600 --> 00:53:13.680
I believe the one thing that matters

773
00:53:13.680 --> 00:53:16.880
is when we get to heaven, we're one body, okay?

774
00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:19.320
But the reality is is that we live in a culture

775
00:53:19.320 --> 00:53:22.360
where there's all these different denominations, okay?

776
00:53:22.380 --> 00:53:25.840
So I'm not putting down that denomination.

777
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:29.380
You just need to decide what is best for you

778
00:53:29.380 --> 00:53:32.080
and know that because if that is something

779
00:53:32.080 --> 00:53:35.200
that he would want and you don't want it,

780
00:53:35.200 --> 00:53:38.360
then you guys aren't gonna be a match, okay?

781
00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:40.500
No matter if you guys have good vibes

782
00:53:40.500 --> 00:53:42.100
and you have all this history.

783
00:53:42.100 --> 00:53:43.440
Because one of the things I,

784
00:53:43.440 --> 00:53:45.520
and I think it's okay just to kind of see,

785
00:53:45.520 --> 00:53:47.080
is this a full circle moment?

786
00:53:47.080 --> 00:53:50.300
I don't think it's bad to just go lightly,

787
00:53:50.300 --> 00:53:51.880
don't rush into anything,

788
00:53:52.400 --> 00:53:53.720
which it doesn't sound like you are,

789
00:53:53.720 --> 00:53:55.920
but pay attention.

790
00:53:55.920 --> 00:53:58.720
But one of the things Jackie really talked about

791
00:53:58.720 --> 00:54:02.400
is like when we have people that circle back in our lives,

792
00:54:02.400 --> 00:54:04.360
sometimes what can happen is you guys

793
00:54:04.360 --> 00:54:05.840
have known each other for a long time,

794
00:54:05.840 --> 00:54:08.820
so people will start to date

795
00:54:08.820 --> 00:54:10.560
like they've known each other forever,

796
00:54:10.560 --> 00:54:12.080
which they do in a sense,

797
00:54:12.080 --> 00:54:15.760
but you have to date from date, like now.

798
00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:17.800
Like who is he now?

799
00:54:17.800 --> 00:54:20.800
You have that other information and that is good,

800
00:54:20.800 --> 00:54:22.640
but who is he now?

801
00:54:22.640 --> 00:54:26.400
And does this person have the spiritual DNA with me

802
00:54:26.400 --> 00:54:28.960
to go where God is leading me,

803
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.440
where we can go together or not?

804
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:33.400
And so I think those will be two good things

805
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:36.720
for you just kind of be praying about and talking about.

806
00:54:36.720 --> 00:54:38.560
And really the other thing I was gonna say

807
00:54:38.560 --> 00:54:43.000
is really define what does hanging out mean to you,

808
00:54:43.000 --> 00:54:45.880
like hanging out mean?

809
00:54:45.880 --> 00:54:48.600
Because I think you guys need to just say

810
00:54:48.600 --> 00:54:51.200
whether or not you're gonna go on a date or not.

811
00:54:51.200 --> 00:54:54.200
I think hanging out can mean, yeah.

812
00:54:54.200 --> 00:54:55.040
I'll clarify that.

813
00:54:55.040 --> 00:54:57.080
He did say to me,

814
00:54:57.080 --> 00:54:59.600
I have no ulterior motives here at all.

815
00:54:59.600 --> 00:55:00.440
You have made.

816
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.680
it very clear where you stand, but I really miss female companionship and it would be

817
00:55:05.680 --> 00:55:11.960
nice just to do things once in a while, you know, and I said as a friend, I would be okay

818
00:55:11.960 --> 00:55:12.960
with that.

819
00:55:12.960 --> 00:55:13.960
Okay.

820
00:55:13.960 --> 00:55:14.960
So.

821
00:55:14.960 --> 00:55:19.200
So then you get to walk down that road and see how it goes then, I again, just would

822
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:27.920
be careful in the sense of, um, I get a little hesitant when a guy is saying that they want

823
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:31.320
to hang out because they miss female companionship.

824
00:55:31.320 --> 00:55:32.320
Okay.

825
00:55:32.320 --> 00:55:38.320
Does he want a bride or does he want a female companion?

826
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:43.360
There is a, if you would marry me tomorrow, if I, I have no doubt about that.

827
00:55:43.360 --> 00:55:44.360
All right.

828
00:55:44.360 --> 00:55:50.000
Well, he said to me too, Bethany Lynn, I am not the same man I was 22 years ago.

829
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:53.560
And all I'm asking is that you give me a chance to prove that to you.

830
00:55:53.560 --> 00:55:57.760
I think he, he sounds like he might be able to do that.

831
00:55:58.600 --> 00:56:05.600
So let us know how it goes and just make sure, yeah, Paul said he wants to date, you know?

832
00:56:05.600 --> 00:56:09.000
So that's why I'm saying to you, I think he's calling it hanging out, but let's just call

833
00:56:09.000 --> 00:56:10.920
it what it's going to be.

834
00:56:10.920 --> 00:56:15.400
He does want a date, but I, I'm, I'm the one that's being like really cautious.

835
00:56:15.400 --> 00:56:19.640
Well, you can still, Hey, listen to this, everybody, this is super important.

836
00:56:19.640 --> 00:56:24.800
We can still be cautious and call it a date.

837
00:56:24.840 --> 00:56:29.440
And you can still say, like, I don't want you to read into this more because I, you

838
00:56:29.440 --> 00:56:33.520
can say to him, I've been in this program where I've been learning a lot about how to

839
00:56:33.520 --> 00:56:38.680
pace and how to really pay attention to the fruit in people's lives, not just what they're

840
00:56:38.680 --> 00:56:39.680
saying.

841
00:56:39.680 --> 00:56:43.200
And so I'm not saying that to scare you, but like, I think it's okay.

842
00:56:43.200 --> 00:56:47.360
Even for you, it seems like you're excited about this.

843
00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:51.160
So why not just let yourself say it's a date?

844
00:56:51.160 --> 00:56:52.160
I'm just nervous.

845
00:56:52.160 --> 00:56:53.160
Okay.

846
00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:56.880
But remember in perfect action, that's all you're doing.

847
00:56:56.880 --> 00:56:58.840
Just taking one step.

848
00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:05.720
But I think you kind of like even giving yourself permission to call it a date, because then

849
00:57:05.720 --> 00:57:10.600
I think you're going to, you're going to show up differently in that dynamic and decide,

850
00:57:10.600 --> 00:57:16.960
is this guy someone I want to date long-term, not just be his friend and hang out.

851
00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:17.960
Right.

852
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:21.080
Well, he said to me, um, when can we get together?

853
00:57:21.080 --> 00:57:22.080
You let me know.

854
00:57:22.080 --> 00:57:27.240
And then we chose the date and he goes, I would, how do you feel about, um, surprising

855
00:57:27.240 --> 00:57:30.040
my mom and going to see my mom and my sister?

856
00:57:30.040 --> 00:57:32.400
I think you should go on a date first.

857
00:57:32.400 --> 00:57:33.400
You need a date.

858
00:57:33.400 --> 00:57:35.640
You need a proper date.

859
00:57:35.640 --> 00:57:37.600
Don't get moms and sisters mixed up yet.

860
00:57:37.600 --> 00:57:39.520
You guys have too much history.

861
00:57:39.520 --> 00:57:40.560
Go on a date.

862
00:57:40.560 --> 00:57:43.520
You guys make some new, new memories together.

863
00:57:43.520 --> 00:57:49.920
And let's see if those memories can sustain the kind of maybe potential here.

864
00:57:49.920 --> 00:57:52.080
And then down the road, you can bring mom and sister.

865
00:57:52.080 --> 00:57:54.880
And I definitely would not do that right out of the gate here.

866
00:57:54.880 --> 00:57:55.880
All right.

867
00:57:55.880 --> 00:57:58.480
So how do I, how do I tell him that I don't want to do that?

868
00:57:58.480 --> 00:58:00.960
I think he plans on Monday to do that.

869
00:58:00.960 --> 00:58:01.960
Yeah.

870
00:58:01.960 --> 00:58:07.560
I think you just say, Hey, I was on this relationship coaching call and this is something I asked.

871
00:58:07.560 --> 00:58:12.960
And you know, they're not trying to say I can't ever do it, but like, I think we just

872
00:58:12.960 --> 00:58:18.000
from the coaching I received, I think it's really good for the you and I to just get

873
00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:21.680
to know each other again, just the two of us.

874
00:58:21.680 --> 00:58:22.680
Okay.

875
00:58:22.680 --> 00:58:29.600
And then you can say when I'm ready to reintroduce your mom and sister to that, then we can.

876
00:58:29.600 --> 00:58:30.880
Okay.

877
00:58:30.880 --> 00:58:34.120
And the ball's in your court then not his.

878
00:58:34.120 --> 00:58:39.640
And I understand again, but see, this is where I get hesitant because you guys have so much

879
00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:45.920
history you're, you're trying to hang out instead of calling it a date.

880
00:58:45.920 --> 00:58:52.000
And now, now mom and sister are getting reintroduced and that can make things all kinds of hazy.

881
00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:53.000
Right.

882
00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:58.560
And again, he may really be a great catch for you in this season, but let's just allow

883
00:58:58.560 --> 00:59:00.080
yourself to date him.

884
00:59:00.080 --> 00:59:02.880
So you can actually figure that out first.

885
00:59:02.880 --> 00:59:03.880
Okay.

886
00:59:03.880 --> 00:59:11.200
And then if that is who he is and that's what you want to do, then you introduce mom and

887
00:59:11.200 --> 00:59:13.200
sister back into that dynamic.

888
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:14.600
Does that make sense?

889
00:59:14.600 --> 00:59:15.600
Why?

890
00:59:16.280 --> 00:59:17.280
Yeah.

891
00:59:17.280 --> 00:59:18.280
Yeah.

892
00:59:18.280 --> 00:59:19.280
Thank you.

893
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:20.280
Yeah.

894
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:21.280
You're welcome.

895
00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:22.280
I think it'll be really great to pace yourself that way.

896
00:59:22.280 --> 00:59:23.280
Thanks, Stephanie.

897
00:59:23.280 --> 00:59:24.280
You're welcome.

898
00:59:24.280 --> 00:59:25.280
Talk to you soon.

899
00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:26.280
Megan, go ahead.

900
00:59:26.280 --> 00:59:27.280
Hey, Bethany.

901
00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:28.280
Hi.

902
00:59:28.280 --> 00:59:29.280
Hey, this is such a good topic tonight.

903
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:30.280
I feel like it's really been on my heart a lot lately.

904
00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:44.120
And so I had written a post in the group on Facebook like a few weeks ago, so it's kind

905
00:59:44.120 --> 00:59:45.120
of about that.

906
00:59:45.120 --> 00:59:48.520
But I had had a date a few weeks ago.

907
00:59:48.520 --> 00:59:50.580
There was a guy that I met online.

908
00:59:50.580 --> 00:59:56.400
He asked to FaceTime and then he asked to go on a date and he seemed really interested,

909
00:59:56.400 --> 00:59:59.560
was being clear, intentional, strong believer, really cute.

910
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.480
seemed mature and just I liked that he was just so clear about wanting to take me out

911
01:00:08.480 --> 01:00:16.320
and he like the FaceTime went really well, the date went really well and at the end of

912
01:00:16.320 --> 01:00:21.340
the date and even like after the date he had he told me in person and he texted me this

913
01:00:21.340 --> 01:00:27.140
that he thought I was beautiful, smart, successful, love the Lord and like he had said that over

914
01:00:27.140 --> 01:00:31.580
text later that he had a great time and said all those nice things so I was like I'm feeling

915
01:00:31.580 --> 01:00:38.080
like this went well and I felt like it was I was hopeful for a second date and then the

916
01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:43.600
next morning the following morning he texted me saying because he's he basically after

917
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:48.140
each time we FaceTimed or went on a date he'd be like you know I want to pray about it and

918
01:00:48.140 --> 01:00:54.380
then I'll like get back to you on you know what how we how we go like moving forward

919
01:00:54.380 --> 01:01:00.260
but I feel like I was I was feeling positive about it all and he ended up yeah texting

920
01:01:00.260 --> 01:01:06.020
me that next morning saying you know I have to be truly honest I'm not feeling the connection

921
01:01:06.020 --> 01:01:10.460
that I was looking for and I was disappointed when I heard that because I was hopeful for

922
01:01:10.460 --> 01:01:16.620
a second date and so I feel like when that happened you know I felt like I received some

923
01:01:16.620 --> 01:01:23.940
good encouragement to you know trust that I'm God defended surrender the wise you know

924
01:01:23.940 --> 01:01:30.980
it's not like to not take it as a personal thing and you know look to the Lord all those

925
01:01:30.980 --> 01:01:36.180
things I feel like have been helpful and I felt better you know I'm just gonna keep moving

926
01:01:36.180 --> 01:01:41.060
forward and then I think I've talked to different guys since then and then those they weren't

927
01:01:41.060 --> 01:01:45.900
like as strong in their faith or it just wasn't as good of a connection and and then it made

928
01:01:45.900 --> 01:01:50.900
me kind of disappointed that like why don't you just give it a chance you know and it's

929
01:01:50.900 --> 01:01:55.660
not like it was the date was like fireworks necessarily but I feel like it was good enough

930
01:01:55.660 --> 01:02:01.580
a good enough connection to where we could have I wish we would have moved forward anyway

931
01:02:01.580 --> 01:02:06.980
so I was feeling better in general but then over the last couple weeks I've noticed feeling

932
01:02:06.980 --> 01:02:11.300
kind of down I felt kind of down and there's been a lot of transitions lately I just moved

933
01:02:11.300 --> 01:02:16.540
from San Antonio to Dallas area and so part of me was feeling like maybe there's this grief with

934
01:02:16.540 --> 01:02:21.580
the transition like being in a new environment not having the same community and close friends

935
01:02:21.580 --> 01:02:31.140
that I've had for such a long time so I know that there's some confounding variables but I kind of

936
01:02:31.140 --> 01:02:36.500
and I also knew like the high and low of the like ups and downs with the guy stuff probably was a

937
01:02:36.500 --> 01:02:42.620
big part of it and then it kind of got me thinking as because I talked to a few friends and there

938
01:02:42.620 --> 01:02:46.740
was something that was like a sting of like rejection that was coming up when they were

939
01:02:46.740 --> 01:02:52.780
bringing up whenever we were talking about this situation with this guy and so um I was kind of

940
01:02:52.780 --> 01:02:57.460
like just praying into that more and it just made me think like maybe this is a revealing for healing

941
01:02:57.460 --> 01:03:05.420
for me and the whole rejection piece like really combating that more because I feel like it's it's

942
01:03:05.420 --> 01:03:10.980
a process of like continuing to bring that to the Lord it's not like you know one and done with some

943
01:03:10.980 --> 01:03:16.420
of these things and it may have been just like a revealing of for healing for past things with

944
01:03:16.420 --> 01:03:21.420
guys where it's like that's happened a lot with me where guys showed interest in pursuit and then

945
01:03:21.420 --> 01:03:26.380
they just fall off and I don't really know why and so I listen I started listening to a book about

946
01:03:26.380 --> 01:03:30.460
like it's called thank you for rejecting me but it's just they did say some similar things like

947
01:03:30.460 --> 01:03:38.260
acknowledge the pain and then don't personalize the rejection and then look to the Lord for your

948
01:03:38.260 --> 01:03:42.620
worth and that those were good I feel like have been good things I've been meditating on but I

949
01:03:42.620 --> 01:03:47.300
I don't know if there's some part of it I was talking through with a friend like like okay

950
01:03:47.300 --> 01:03:52.860
some of the heaviness I'm feeling like maybe it's just also a like a spirit of rejection that I'm

951
01:03:52.860 --> 01:03:57.820
like partnering with or something that's still like even though in my head like I know some of

952
01:03:57.820 --> 01:04:03.620
these things to be true like maybe there's some kind of partnering with that I've even

953
01:04:03.620 --> 01:04:08.380
subconsciously with that spirit of rejection like absorbing it as something like even though I know

954
01:04:08.380 --> 01:04:15.140
not to personalize it like maybe there's an element like we were kind of talking through I'm I'm giving

955
01:04:15.140 --> 01:04:21.940
that person authority to determine my value because of them like not choosing choosing me and I like I

956
01:04:21.940 --> 01:04:28.900
know that to be you know it's not true but it's like I think there's part of me it's like I there's

957
01:04:28.900 --> 01:04:33.660
some kind of heaviness with that element but as I've been meditating on that and like turning to

958
01:04:33.660 --> 01:04:40.020
the Lord and like reminding myself that like he is the one that determines my worth and value like

959
01:04:40.020 --> 01:04:46.060
and just reminding my soul I feel like I've felt uplifted honestly this week so I do feel like the

960
01:04:46.060 --> 01:04:52.580
Holy Spirit's on to something you know I think you are too I want to bring something to the surface

961
01:04:52.580 --> 01:04:59.220
and hope you see and hear something that you said that's really important okay and I understand why

962
01:04:59.220 --> 01:04:59.940
you said it

963
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.160
but I think it's important for you to see it.

964
01:05:02.160 --> 01:05:06.760
So, you were saying that after you talked to some new guys,

965
01:05:06.760 --> 01:05:09.480
you know, and maybe they don't have things that this guy did

966
01:05:09.480 --> 01:05:12.080
and you didn't feel like the connection was as good

967
01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:13.760
with them as it was with him.

968
01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:18.280
But what you said, with him, it was good enough.

969
01:05:19.500 --> 01:05:22.000
I said, I don't even remember saying that.

970
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:23.760
It was good enough.

971
01:05:23.760 --> 01:05:27.100
Okay, do we want good enough guys, ladies?

972
01:05:27.100 --> 01:05:29.480
Do we want just, yeah, okay.

973
01:05:29.980 --> 01:05:32.060
They might be good enough for me.

974
01:05:32.060 --> 01:05:37.060
Or do we want, man, this guy's a great match for me.

975
01:05:38.060 --> 01:05:39.360
This guy's gonna, like,

976
01:05:39.360 --> 01:05:42.300
we're gonna do some awesome things together.

977
01:05:42.300 --> 01:05:43.780
I guess, I'm sorry, I'm not,

978
01:05:43.780 --> 01:05:45.980
I guess I don't remember even saying that.

979
01:05:45.980 --> 01:05:46.820
I don't know.

980
01:05:46.820 --> 01:05:49.020
But this is important because that subconsciously

981
01:05:49.020 --> 01:05:51.860
came right up out as you were talking about it.

982
01:05:51.860 --> 01:05:53.900
What did you say that I said though?

983
01:05:53.900 --> 01:05:55.140
Like, cause I'm not remembering.

984
01:05:55.140 --> 01:05:56.860
I wrote it down exactly how you said it.

985
01:05:56.860 --> 01:05:57.700
Okay.

986
01:05:57.720 --> 01:05:58.540
So you were talking about the guy

987
01:05:58.540 --> 01:06:01.040
that you said you were really kinda into,

988
01:06:01.040 --> 01:06:02.840
you felt this connection with, you went on a date.

989
01:06:02.840 --> 01:06:04.400
But even as you were talking about the date,

990
01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:07.680
you were like, you know, it was good.

991
01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:10.920
And then you said, it was good enough.

992
01:06:10.920 --> 01:06:13.400
Okay, I guess I don't remember saying that, but okay.

993
01:06:13.400 --> 01:06:15.600
So what I'm trying to bring out

994
01:06:15.600 --> 01:06:17.920
is that sometimes when we're dating,

995
01:06:18.960 --> 01:06:21.740
it makes me think back to this one guy I dated

996
01:06:21.740 --> 01:06:24.160
kind of early on when I started dating again.

997
01:06:25.100 --> 01:06:29.660
Nice guy, solid Christian, felt totally safe around him.

998
01:06:29.660 --> 01:06:33.260
We all, I do like to be a little goofy sometimes.

999
01:06:33.260 --> 01:06:35.940
And so I was kinda, you know, goofing around

1000
01:06:35.940 --> 01:06:40.240
and I could just tell he couldn't like loosen up at all.

1001
01:06:40.240 --> 01:06:45.240
And so I kinda was like, okay, like he's a nice guy though.

1002
01:06:45.780 --> 01:06:48.780
And then I remembered like learning

1003
01:06:48.780 --> 01:06:53.660
that he never watches movies ever, like ever.

1004
01:06:54.200 --> 01:06:57.880
And I remember just thinking, oh, how's that gonna work?

1005
01:06:57.880 --> 01:07:00.920
He like watching movies.

1006
01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:05.040
I like media, but then I remember like,

1007
01:07:05.040 --> 01:07:08.440
well, I can just make it work.

1008
01:07:08.440 --> 01:07:10.960
I remember like telling myself that.

1009
01:07:10.960 --> 01:07:13.640
And then the Lord showed me what I said.

1010
01:07:13.640 --> 01:07:15.800
And then again, he was super nice,

1011
01:07:15.800 --> 01:07:17.360
went on a couple other dates with him.

1012
01:07:17.360 --> 01:07:21.320
And then he's the one that God then spoke to him

1013
01:07:21.340 --> 01:07:26.020
and said, tell her that you just wanna be friends.

1014
01:07:26.020 --> 01:07:26.860
What?

1015
01:07:26.860 --> 01:07:28.540
Then I was like, shoot,

1016
01:07:28.540 --> 01:07:31.460
I should have just said what I really felt

1017
01:07:31.460 --> 01:07:33.360
because I wanted to be the one to do it first.

1018
01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:36.900
But no, I mean, part of my flesh wanted that.

1019
01:07:36.900 --> 01:07:38.020
But this is what happens.

1020
01:07:38.020 --> 01:07:41.140
Sometimes we kind of just,

1021
01:07:41.140 --> 01:07:44.580
even though someone has a lot of good qualities

1022
01:07:44.580 --> 01:07:47.460
and it sounds like you did have a good date with that guy,

1023
01:07:47.460 --> 01:07:50.100
but subconsciously when you were talking about it,

1024
01:07:50.100 --> 01:07:53.600
what came out was you were basically telling yourself,

1025
01:07:53.600 --> 01:07:55.360
he's good enough.

1026
01:07:55.360 --> 01:07:57.740
Cause he probably isn't even fully

1027
01:07:57.740 --> 01:08:00.620
who you really wanna be with yet.

1028
01:08:00.620 --> 01:08:03.800
I'm having trouble like resonating with that,

1029
01:08:03.800 --> 01:08:04.640
to be honest.

1030
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:09.800
Well, just because I don't know if that's what I was meaning

1031
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:11.480
when I said that, to be honest,

1032
01:08:11.480 --> 01:08:13.120
like I feel like he was great.

1033
01:08:13.120 --> 01:08:15.120
Like I feel like I was really excited.

1034
01:08:15.120 --> 01:08:16.300
Tell me why he was great.

1035
01:08:16.300 --> 01:08:18.200
Tell me what you loved about the date.

1036
01:08:18.200 --> 01:08:22.960
I think like he was, he's really solid in his faith.

1037
01:08:22.960 --> 01:08:27.960
He's really like, he has a great career.

1038
01:08:28.160 --> 01:08:31.960
He is like, was fun to talk to.

1039
01:08:31.960 --> 01:08:33.740
He like listened well.

1040
01:08:33.740 --> 01:08:36.020
Like, and I think, I was saying like,

1041
01:08:36.020 --> 01:08:37.380
our connection was good,

1042
01:08:37.380 --> 01:08:39.920
but I wanted to like kind of share too,

1043
01:08:39.920 --> 01:08:42.779
that it wasn't like necessarily the fireworks sparks,

1044
01:08:42.779 --> 01:08:45.819
like where sometimes like maybe he was looking for that.

1045
01:08:45.819 --> 01:08:46.859
I don't know.

1046
01:08:46.859 --> 01:08:49.840
But there were some elements like he was sober

1047
01:08:49.840 --> 01:08:52.600
and he's been like in recovery for nine years.

1048
01:08:52.600 --> 01:08:54.640
And so, or he is sober, I'm sorry,

1049
01:08:54.640 --> 01:08:56.939
but it's like some of those things would have been hard.

1050
01:08:56.939 --> 01:08:58.920
And he was kind of rigid in some ways,

1051
01:08:58.920 --> 01:09:01.399
like with his schedule and he would try to like schedule

1052
01:09:01.399 --> 01:09:02.700
far in advance for the dates.

1053
01:09:02.700 --> 01:09:03.960
Like some of those things I'm like,

1054
01:09:03.960 --> 01:09:05.380
I would have to sacrifice.

1055
01:09:05.380 --> 01:09:08.200
Like, so it's not like, yeah, it wasn't perfect,

1056
01:09:08.200 --> 01:09:12.880
but I just feel like he's probably the best date

1057
01:09:12.880 --> 01:09:14.520
I've had in a long time.

1058
01:09:14.520 --> 01:09:17.660
Like one of the best connections I've had in a long time,

1059
01:09:17.660 --> 01:09:20.060
because I've had a lot of bad first dates.

1060
01:09:20.060 --> 01:09:20.899
And so, yeah.

1061
01:09:20.899 --> 01:09:23.800
And again, I'm not saying you didn't have a good date.

1062
01:09:24.740 --> 01:09:26.979
But, and it's okay if you don't feel

1063
01:09:26.979 --> 01:09:27.979
like it's resonating right now.

1064
01:09:27.979 --> 01:09:29.580
Sometimes that happens when I'm coaching

1065
01:09:29.580 --> 01:09:31.060
and I'm totally comfortable with that.

1066
01:09:31.060 --> 01:09:32.380
I'm okay with that.

1067
01:09:32.380 --> 01:09:36.100
It may never resonate, but at some point it might too.

1068
01:09:36.100 --> 01:09:39.060
And so just kind of pray into it and see kind of,

1069
01:09:39.060 --> 01:09:42.260
because even I feel like other people are hearing it too.

1070
01:09:42.680 --> 01:09:44.479
When you're talking,

1071
01:09:44.479 --> 01:09:46.720
I think the other thing that's really important

1072
01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:49.600
is unfortunately you can't change when someone else decides.

1073
01:09:49.600 --> 01:09:51.920
So that's why I brought up the story about that other guy

1074
01:09:51.920 --> 01:09:53.160
that I went on the dates with.

1075
01:09:53.160 --> 01:09:55.240
Even though I was feeling those things,

1076
01:09:55.240 --> 01:09:58.440
I wasn't like, I wasn't giving it enough attention

1077
01:09:58.440 --> 01:10:00.240
until after he said he wanted it.

1078
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.440
just be friends. And that's when I was like really admitted to myself, I really didn't

1079
01:10:05.440 --> 01:10:11.680
think he was the best match for me because of these reasons. And so I was like in that

1080
01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:15.840
moment, just a little more honest with myself. Now, again, that may not apply to you at all.

1081
01:10:15.840 --> 01:10:19.920
And if it doesn't, that's totally okay. But one of the things I do think is important

1082
01:10:19.920 --> 01:10:25.920
is when you talked about the sting, you know, when you were talking to your friends about this

1083
01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:30.880
and the sting that you felt when you were kind of at the end of your explanation, you're like,

1084
01:10:30.880 --> 01:10:34.960
I think I'm onto something. And I do think you are. And so just keep leaning into what the

1085
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:41.200
Lord is showing you. You know, it could be linking back to a spirit of rejection from even before you

1086
01:10:41.200 --> 01:10:47.360
were dating related to family stuff. So just see what doors the Lord wants to kind of open there

1087
01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:53.440
and show you more about the rejection or the sting, like where, what was the sting really

1088
01:10:53.440 --> 01:10:59.120
coming from? Was it coming from because it didn't work out because he decided not to move forward?

1089
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:03.680
You know, let the Lord answer that for you. And I know it takes a lot of courage, y'all.

1090
01:11:03.680 --> 01:11:08.880
Let's cheer her on because it's, it's a lot when even coaches are pushing back and it's okay,

1091
01:11:08.880 --> 01:11:14.000
even for me, like I'm, I, I think you're amazing. I think this guy is probably a really nice guy.

1092
01:11:14.720 --> 01:11:19.440
And so sometimes it's not comfortable for people when, when we're pushing back on something and,

1093
01:11:19.440 --> 01:11:24.240
and even myself, sometimes people will say something to me and I'll be like, no, that

1094
01:11:24.240 --> 01:11:29.600
doesn't resonate. And sometimes God will show me later. And sometimes I'll just be still in that

1095
01:11:29.600 --> 01:11:34.240
place. Like, yeah, that still just doesn't resonate. And so you'll decide what that is for you.

1096
01:11:34.240 --> 01:11:38.880
And so just keep praying into it and let's see where it leads you, but we're praying for you

1097
01:11:38.880 --> 01:11:47.040
and we're cheering you on. I do think that God has someone even better that, you know, again,

1098
01:11:47.600 --> 01:11:52.400
keep in mind, we don't have to have these amazing fireworks, which maybe he was looking for it,

1099
01:11:52.400 --> 01:11:56.480
which is why he would need a coaching community like this, but even sometimes we're looking for

1100
01:11:56.480 --> 01:12:02.000
that. And so we'll be praying for, for that spirit mate for you. And just for you to be

1101
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:07.760
encouraged because you're amazing and your spirit mate, when he finds you, he is going to know he

1102
01:12:07.760 --> 01:12:13.360
found a good thing. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for being courageous to share. Yeah.

1103
01:12:14.320 --> 01:12:25.280
Patty, go ahead. Hi, Bethany. Hi. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a speed dating event and

1104
01:12:25.280 --> 01:12:34.800
that was my first time doing anything like that. And when I sat down, the man who was already at

1105
01:12:34.800 --> 01:12:41.280
the table, he said to me, you know, hi, what's your name, blah, blah. And then he said, so what

1106
01:12:41.280 --> 01:12:48.400
made you decide to do something like this? And so, you know, I was quite caught off guard and

1107
01:12:48.400 --> 01:12:56.880
I said something about, I want to meet new people. So what that means, I have another

1108
01:12:57.440 --> 01:13:06.080
event like that coming up in a couple of weeks. And I'm wondering what you would say,

1109
01:13:06.160 --> 01:13:12.000
what kinds of things, because we've got a couple of, I mean, we've got the three Ms that you teach

1110
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:19.280
us. I don't know that we're supposed to tell them that. We've got the non-negotiables from heaven.

1111
01:13:19.280 --> 01:13:26.560
That seems a little bit too much for somebody I just met. So, you know, if you could. I can.

1112
01:13:26.560 --> 01:13:34.560
Number one, I remember, I think I'm remembering correctly, in heart work, you stayed home kind

1113
01:13:34.560 --> 01:13:41.760
of a lot, right? Am I remembering correctly? Okay. So can I just cheer you on? You just went

1114
01:13:41.760 --> 01:13:49.280
on a speed dating event. What? You did it. This is awesome. So I just think it's important to

1115
01:13:49.280 --> 01:13:54.480
celebrate you for a little bit here, Patty, that's incredible. I think you handled it really

1116
01:13:54.480 --> 01:13:59.840
well. I think your response to him was fine. I don't think you have to tell him about the three

1117
01:14:00.400 --> 01:14:06.560
or non-negotiables at that point. I want you to kind of think light and fun, light and fun.

1118
01:14:06.560 --> 01:14:10.880
So if somebody asks you what led you to come on something like this, I think you're being

1119
01:14:10.880 --> 01:14:16.000
fully honest. I came because I'm trying to meet some new people. I'm trying to, you know,

1120
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:20.320
experience like some different sides of dating and get to know some more, you know,

1121
01:14:21.360 --> 01:14:26.960
just guys in this area. And I thought I could have some fun getting to do that tonight,

1122
01:14:26.960 --> 01:14:32.320
you know, where you're just really confident in the lightness of the answer without having to tell

1123
01:14:32.320 --> 01:14:36.960
them anything else. And if you feel led to, you know, answer other questions they might have,

1124
01:14:36.960 --> 01:14:42.320
then you can, but don't feel like you have to go super deep. I always would recommend

1125
01:14:42.320 --> 01:14:48.560
having a couple questions in your own pocket, you know, some easy ones that you kind of like

1126
01:14:48.560 --> 01:14:53.920
practice even before you go, like see yourself in the mirror. I know you all I'm kind of old

1127
01:14:53.920 --> 01:14:57.120
school on this. I think it's important for us sometimes to stand in front of a mirror and

1128
01:14:57.120 --> 01:14:59.920
practice because it helps us.

1129
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.120
get more comfortable with our own self. So show up for ourselves. And then we can show up with

1130
01:15:07.120 --> 01:15:12.000
other people in a whole different way. Right. And so practice that, especially Patty, with some of

1131
01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:16.880
the things you've been overcoming doing this, I think the more that you can do to help your

1132
01:15:16.880 --> 01:15:22.560
confidence, even before you get there, um, will, will be really great. But I saw someone else put

1133
01:15:22.560 --> 01:15:27.280
in the chat too. I don't want this to pass by. Someone said it gets easier, the more you do it.

1134
01:15:27.280 --> 01:15:31.600
So I think, you know, this being your first one, go on some more of these, which you said you're

1135
01:15:31.600 --> 01:15:35.840
already going to, I think that's awesome. So be sure to post in the group and let us know how it

1136
01:15:35.840 --> 01:15:41.280
goes. Okay. Yeah. We're cheering you on. It's going to be great. And Hey, you know, in the

1137
01:15:41.280 --> 01:15:46.640
ladies group back in the day, you all, we used to put photos up of like when we were getting ready

1138
01:15:46.640 --> 01:15:52.320
to go on dates and our outfits, let's get back to some of that fun stuff. I think that would be

1139
01:15:52.320 --> 01:15:57.040
really fun to just kind of blow up our group a little bit with some fun things where we're seeing

1140
01:15:57.040 --> 01:16:02.160
each other, getting ready for dates. Hey, what do you think about this outfit? We used to literally

1141
01:16:02.160 --> 01:16:07.840
ask each other, Hey ladies, what I have these dresses. I remember when I went shopping and I

1142
01:16:07.840 --> 01:16:13.520
was like, I bought these dresses, which one should I wear on this date? And we just, we really became

1143
01:16:14.240 --> 01:16:19.120
sisters. And I know we're a bigger group, but y'all, we can all find our niche with some people

1144
01:16:19.120 --> 01:16:25.600
we can, and we do it by things like that too. So I hope to see some dresses and guys,

1145
01:16:26.400 --> 01:16:31.520
if you want some tips on what to wear on your dates, you can do the same thing. And the coaches

1146
01:16:31.520 --> 01:16:36.640
will give you some feedback. Okay. I'm not in the men's group a lot, but I'll do my best after I

1147
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:40.320
said that to come in in the next week or two. And if you guys post something, we'll give you some

1148
01:16:40.320 --> 01:16:47.040
feedback and help you out there. I'm going to have to start to wind down. I know there's several

1149
01:16:47.040 --> 01:16:53.600
people still waiting, but my hubby is out there. He's been out there an hour and 15 by himself with

1150
01:16:53.600 --> 01:16:58.960
two littles, and I actually have to get them to bed tonight. So I have to cut it short a little

1151
01:16:58.960 --> 01:17:03.440
bit tonight, but here's what I'll do for those that did not get to share yet, please post in the

1152
01:17:03.440 --> 01:17:08.320
group. Okay. Really important post in the group. Let me know what your question was specifically

1153
01:17:08.320 --> 01:17:13.520
about heartwork tonight, or if you had a different question, that's fine too. And you guys can tag me

1154
01:17:13.520 --> 01:17:19.040
and I do see the tags and I have the team just letting me know if somebody tags me just in case

1155
01:17:19.040 --> 01:17:24.240
with our app, if I miss them. Um, but thank you for grace and understanding why I have to end a

1156
01:17:24.240 --> 01:17:29.360
little early tonight. Um, again, for those of you that might not have been on earlier, we have two

1157
01:17:29.360 --> 01:17:34.960
foster kiddos that we're doing respite care just for the, uh, today through Sunday. So please pray

1158
01:17:34.960 --> 01:17:41.680
for us. And I pray for you right now. Sure. I would love that. We just come before you and we

1159
01:17:41.680 --> 01:17:46.800
thank you for Brian and Bethany. We thank you for these two foster kids and Lord, I just pray right

1160
01:17:46.800 --> 01:17:52.240
now that she would just put a piece in this home, that you would wrap your loving arms around these

1161
01:17:52.240 --> 01:17:57.360
two little girls, that they will sleep restfully tonight, Lord. So Brian and Bethany can sleep also

1162
01:17:57.360 --> 01:18:03.360
Lord God, I pray Lord that you would continue to use Brian and Bethany's arms of your love and your

1163
01:18:03.360 --> 01:18:09.040
strength and your peace and your grace and joy to impact them, that they will leave this house

1164
01:18:09.040 --> 01:18:13.600
better than when they came in Lord Jesus. And we just ask for strength for them for the rest of

1165
01:18:13.600 --> 01:18:20.880
the week Lord in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Thank you, sister. All right, y'all Gail, Robin Hunter,

1166
01:18:20.880 --> 01:18:25.360
please put messages in the group for me. Okay. And I will check on those first thing tomorrow

1167
01:18:25.360 --> 01:18:29.840
morning. If you put them up tonight. All right. All right, everyone. God bless you. Have an

1168
01:18:29.840 --> 01:18:35.200
amazing rest of your week and I'll see y'all really soon. Thank you, Bethany.