WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.840 Welcome. If you're here for your first time, we'd love for you to let us know in the chat 2 00:00:06.840 --> 00:00:12.880 that this is your first time so that we can welcome you and just, you know, just say, 3 00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:16.680 hey, welcome to the family kind of thing. For all my ladies that are returning, welcome 4 00:00:16.680 --> 00:00:23.080 back. Thanks for all of those in the chat. Yeah, it was lots of blessings and lots of, 5 00:00:23.080 --> 00:00:27.440 you know, just, it makes me think of too, what I shared with you all years ago when 6 00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:34.080 my mom passed away. I had just gotten engaged. And when I was planning for the wedding, I 7 00:00:34.080 --> 00:00:40.560 can remember this one day specifically, just feeling guilty for being happy. And I didn't 8 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:46.000 need to feel guilty for being happy. But that was what the enemy was trying to do. And I 9 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:51.440 remember praying about it. And God showed me what I call both and. Welcome, Whitney. 10 00:00:51.440 --> 00:00:58.800 Welcome, Tammy. Welcome, Safri. Welcome, welcome. Both and. And so I want you all 11 00:00:58.800 --> 00:01:04.480 to kind of become familiar with this as well. What I want to say to you is grief and joy 12 00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:11.760 can exist at the same time. Both and. Okay. Even in your dating journey, some of you are 13 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:17.680 going to experience grief and joy at the same time, or just other life experiences. And 14 00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:24.240 I don't want you to feel like you have to choose one over the other, if that makes sense. 15 00:01:24.240 --> 00:01:27.960 And so I had no plan of talking about this at all, but I just felt led tonight again 16 00:01:27.960 --> 00:01:33.320 just to show up real and just say, like, sometimes life is going to be hard, and we're going 17 00:01:33.320 --> 00:01:37.200 to make it through because God is with us. And we have this amazing community. I can't 18 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:40.640 tell you how many people from this community have been reaching out to me today just about 19 00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:46.320 our loss and our family and, you know, supporting us through the foster experience that we went 20 00:01:46.320 --> 00:01:53.000 through this weekend and, and just everything. And so community and people that you can trust 21 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:58.760 around you is a game changer. So on that note, I'm so glad that you're here and you're a 22 00:01:58.760 --> 00:02:03.880 part of our last year single community. We highly believe that God draws people here 23 00:02:03.880 --> 00:02:08.720 at the right time in the right season. Okay. So all of you are here at the right appointed 24 00:02:08.720 --> 00:02:15.400 time and God has some amazing things for you. A couple of housekeeping notes tonight. I 25 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:20.120 just wanted you guys to just remember, and this is also why I wanted to talk about the 26 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:26.040 showing up even without makeup on, is that, you know, we want to show up for ourselves 27 00:02:26.040 --> 00:02:31.840 on a regular basis. And so from my perspective, what that means is like showing up online, 28 00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:36.040 showing up and doing the homework, showing up and watching the videos, you know, you're 29 00:02:36.040 --> 00:02:40.080 signing up for the course and I have to battle this too. In our society, there's so much 30 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:45.680 going on that sometimes it's just can be very distracting, pulling our attention in 31 00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:50.560 other directions. And I've even signed up for courses before and not done them. Anyone 32 00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:58.120 else done that? Okay. Let's let that not be this time. Okay. This hard work will change 33 00:02:58.120 --> 00:03:02.920 your life if you let it. All right. So on that note, we're going to come out of hiding. 34 00:03:02.920 --> 00:03:07.980 We encourage you to come out of hiding every opportunity that you can get. That might look 35 00:03:07.980 --> 00:03:12.460 like getting on screen, even if you're nervous to get on screen, not logging off when there's 36 00:03:12.460 --> 00:03:17.580 a breakout session. It might look like posting in the group. And for those of you, if you 37 00:03:17.580 --> 00:03:21.180 posted in the last few days and you tagged me, my team was helping me because they knew 38 00:03:21.180 --> 00:03:25.220 what we were going through here. And so just know it wasn't because I didn't want to show 39 00:03:25.220 --> 00:03:30.780 up for you. It was just, I had to, like, we literally couldn't take our eyes off of one 40 00:03:30.780 --> 00:03:34.460 of the little girls because she just really was struggling with a lot of aggression and 41 00:03:34.460 --> 00:03:40.180 rage. And so we just could not have our attention anywhere else. And so I just want you to know, 42 00:03:40.180 --> 00:03:45.620 I love you guys. And my team is amazing. And they gave some great responses. I'll be in, 43 00:03:45.620 --> 00:03:49.840 we're going to be driving for a long, long, long time tomorrow. So I'll be in trying to 44 00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:54.500 catch up on some things too. But I did want you to know, if I didn't respond, it's not 45 00:03:54.500 --> 00:03:58.740 because I didn't want to be there and show up for you all. Because that's something I 46 00:03:58.740 --> 00:04:04.440 care about a lot. So on the last note regarding that, so try to come to the prayer calls as 47 00:04:04.440 --> 00:04:08.440 much as you can. If you work during the day and you're just not able to make it, totally 48 00:04:08.440 --> 00:04:12.620 understand. We do have Sunday night activation, which is a little different than the normal 49 00:04:12.620 --> 00:04:17.399 prayer calls, but it's amazing. And then we have Saturday, Supernatural Saturday, obviously 50 00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:22.400 as well. Alright, two last things. Heart posture is going to be key in your heart healing journey. 51 00:04:22.400 --> 00:04:29.960 So really remain teachable, humble, have an open heart. You know, one of the things that 52 00:04:29.960 --> 00:04:34.880 a lot of people can kind of get tripped up with is if you've had a lot of counseling 53 00:04:34.880 --> 00:04:38.800 before, if you've done a lot of inner healing before, if you're a counselor yourself or 54 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:44.400 a therapist or a coach or any of those kind of, even in ministry, sometimes, unfortunately, 55 00:04:44.400 --> 00:04:49.400 we can kind of get into a heart posture of, I already know this stuff. And if we get into 56 00:04:49.400 --> 00:04:54.280 that place, we can actually miss things that God is trying to give us. And so I really 57 00:04:54.280 --> 00:04:59.280 want to encourage you all just to always be praying, like, Lord, like that, that kind 58 00:04:59.280 --> 00:05:00.280 of quick thing. 59 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.040 Jackie, that teach me, show me, heal me, grow me, that helps us partner with humility. 60 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:08.400 That helps us partner with like, Lord, help me to see what I can't see. 61 00:05:08.680 --> 00:05:12.240 Help me to learn something new so that I can get breakthrough. 62 00:05:12.520 --> 00:05:14.280 Totally okay, Lisa, if you're having trouble. 63 00:05:14.280 --> 00:05:16.920 I know you've battled that quite a bit with your computer. 64 00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:17.680 I see you, though. 65 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:18.520 I see you, girl. 66 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:19.560 All right. 67 00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:21.760 Last one, Supernatural Saturday. 68 00:05:21.760 --> 00:05:23.080 Grace is scandalous. 69 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:27.240 I'm going to try to even get a thing up in the group for y'all on that. 70 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:30.240 Again, just, you know, life threw us a lot of curve balls. 71 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:33.120 The whole team, Jackie's been going through a lot of warfare. 72 00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:38.200 Myself, one of our other team members was in a car accident on Friday as well. 73 00:05:38.200 --> 00:05:40.480 She's fine, but just pray for our team. 74 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:42.960 Pray for our team when you think about it, we really need it. 75 00:05:43.280 --> 00:05:45.800 And so that's my last housekeeping. 76 00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:47.680 Let me pray for us and we're going to dive right in. 77 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:48.800 Father, thank you. 78 00:05:50.080 --> 00:05:51.640 Thank you that you are with us. 79 00:05:51.960 --> 00:05:53.360 God, that you never leave us. 80 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:54.600 You never forsake us. 81 00:05:55.400 --> 00:05:58.440 God, that you're with us in the valleys and the mountaintops 82 00:05:58.440 --> 00:05:59.440 and everything in between. 83 00:05:59.440 --> 00:06:01.800 We thank you for grace that is sufficient for us. 84 00:06:02.120 --> 00:06:07.080 I pray for an extra dose of revelation and supernatural breakthroughs tonight. 85 00:06:07.440 --> 00:06:11.440 God, that there would be revealings for healing happening one after another, 86 00:06:11.440 --> 00:06:12.440 after another, after another. 87 00:06:12.440 --> 00:06:16.560 God, that we would hear your spirit clearly tonight, that we would have 88 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:20.240 a heart posture to receive what you're telling us and what you're showing 89 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:22.280 us and what you want to even give us. 90 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:23.880 Yes, Lord. 91 00:06:23.880 --> 00:06:28.840 I thank you for surprise gifts and blessings, joy unspeakable and full 92 00:06:28.840 --> 00:06:31.600 of glory being theirs, being all of ours. 93 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:36.680 God, that we would just come into a higher revelation of how you see us, 94 00:06:36.680 --> 00:06:41.840 Lord, that we would come into every aspect of our lives from a rooted place 95 00:06:41.840 --> 00:06:45.480 of love in you, we just thank you for all these things, Lord, reveal those 96 00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:48.720 things that are in darkness and bring them to the light in Jesus name. 97 00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:49.680 Amen. 98 00:06:49.840 --> 00:06:54.480 So tonight I want to talk about fear and anxiety, specifically overcoming 99 00:06:54.480 --> 00:06:56.600 them, getting to the root of the matter. 100 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:01.960 You know, I want to really lean into a little bit, where did it originate in you? 101 00:07:03.560 --> 00:07:06.920 Um, and remember that our hearts are highly impressionable. 102 00:07:06.920 --> 00:07:09.200 I'm sorry, you guys, if I have to pause a little bit, it's just, 103 00:07:09.200 --> 00:07:13.280 my throat is pretty raw, but our hearts are highly impressionable. 104 00:07:13.280 --> 00:07:17.040 So everything that we hear, everything that goes into them is 105 00:07:17.080 --> 00:07:18.920 impressing something on our heart. 106 00:07:20.680 --> 00:07:25.040 So I want you to even think about today, some of you might've had amazing days, 107 00:07:25.320 --> 00:07:28.680 but I want you just to think today, the last few days, you know, it was 108 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:30.800 Labor Day weekend, some of you might've been around family. 109 00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:32.680 Sometimes that can be a trigger for people. 110 00:07:33.080 --> 00:07:35.840 What were the things that you were receiving and hearing 111 00:07:35.840 --> 00:07:37.080 in your spirit, in your heart? 112 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:38.320 Were they truth? 113 00:07:38.320 --> 00:07:40.240 Were they lies of the enemy? 114 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:44.120 Were there things bubbling up that were, you know, causing you to 115 00:07:44.120 --> 00:07:45.720 be in a triggered state at all? 116 00:07:45.720 --> 00:07:49.320 Proverbs 4, 23 says, keep your heart with all vigilance for 117 00:07:49.320 --> 00:07:51.840 from it flows the springs of life. 118 00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:57.960 I like to talk about vigilance because I think sometimes, again, I think we do our 119 00:07:57.960 --> 00:08:02.360 best, but even myself, like when we get hit like one after another, after another 120 00:08:02.360 --> 00:08:07.000 with things, the enemy is sending at us to try to deter us or keep us from walking. 121 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:11.440 You know, into the promised land or into the promise that God is leading us 122 00:08:11.440 --> 00:08:17.680 towards, or just even in life in general, I think sometimes it can get, um, harder 123 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:23.120 to be vigilant at times, cause we might want to give up anyone ever been there 124 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:25.440 before, we're just like, this is just too hard. 125 00:08:25.440 --> 00:08:26.680 It's just easier to be single. 126 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:28.960 It's just easier to not keep fighting this thing. 127 00:08:29.280 --> 00:08:30.960 I don't even know if this is meant for me. 128 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:34.360 You know, these are all lies that we tend to partner with, no matter what that 129 00:08:34.360 --> 00:08:38.799 promises, if it's the spirit made, if it's the job, if it's, you know, uh, 130 00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:43.280 a relationship in your life that needs healing and reconciliation, but you're 131 00:08:43.280 --> 00:08:46.960 working towards that, maybe it's your kids that are far from the Lord. 132 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:49.880 When you have prayed for them, you've raised them, right? 133 00:08:49.880 --> 00:08:55.640 Whatever that looks like for you that I hope tonight, God would remind you that 134 00:08:55.640 --> 00:09:00.320 vigilance is literally that quality or state of being vigilant, which means 135 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:06.440 alertly watchful, okay, we're doing our best to avoid danger while we're doing 136 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:12.400 our best to avoid danger, walking in wisdom, walking in healing, walking in 137 00:09:12.400 --> 00:09:18.640 life, and part of that is understanding where, where fear comes from. 138 00:09:19.800 --> 00:09:21.000 I want you to think about this. 139 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:23.000 I've heard this from other people, other ministers. 140 00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:23.920 So it's not mine. 141 00:09:23.920 --> 00:09:27.000 And Jackie says, you know, we talk about this a lot, but fear is 142 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:28.640 false evidence appearing real. 143 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:33.440 So if you think about the last few days, the last week, whenever fear entered for 144 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:38.440 you, I want you to kind of think back on what was going on. 145 00:09:39.520 --> 00:09:41.840 And then I want you to apply what I just said. 146 00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:49.120 Fear is false evidence applying, excuse me, false evidence appearing real. 147 00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:53.040 So just like when Jesus was in the wilderness, what did the enemy do? 148 00:09:53.400 --> 00:09:56.840 He came into the wilderness and he said a partial truth. 149 00:09:56.840 --> 00:09:58.000 And then he twisted it. 150 00:09:58.920 --> 00:10:00.040 Obviously Jesus is the. 151 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.840 word, so he knew the truth, so he was able to speak the truth, which is why it's important 152 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:10.280 for us to know the truth, because the truth is what sets us free. 153 00:10:10.280 --> 00:10:14.760 The truth is what enables us to stand up against the enemy. 154 00:10:14.760 --> 00:10:19.340 But if we don't have the truth in here with a healed heart, it can get really mixed up 155 00:10:19.340 --> 00:10:25.480 and confused, and then we react instead of respond. 156 00:10:25.480 --> 00:10:28.700 Anxiety is fueled by fear and what ifs. 157 00:10:28.700 --> 00:10:34.980 So anxiety and fear tangle together a lot. 158 00:10:34.980 --> 00:10:37.940 Anxiety is fueled by fear and what if thoughts. 159 00:10:37.940 --> 00:10:38.940 That's what I call them. 160 00:10:38.940 --> 00:10:39.940 What if this? 161 00:10:39.940 --> 00:10:40.940 What if that? 162 00:10:40.940 --> 00:10:41.940 What if this is going to happen? 163 00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:47.140 Even sometimes you start, you know, when you guys start dating again, you know, you know, 164 00:10:47.140 --> 00:10:48.820 what if they're, what if they don't like me? 165 00:10:48.820 --> 00:10:52.520 What if they're not responding because of this or, you know, there's all these things 166 00:10:52.520 --> 00:10:58.120 that get in our minds and the only way to overcome them is to really come in and guard 167 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:02.720 your heart and mind through Christ Jesus, which the Word talks about, and make every, 168 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:05.720 take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ. 169 00:11:05.720 --> 00:11:10.640 Well, how can we take it captive if we're not guarding our hearts and our minds, if 170 00:11:10.640 --> 00:11:16.160 we're not paying attention to what we're thinking about? 171 00:11:16.160 --> 00:11:21.600 Even myself, when I am weary and I'm tired, I can tell a difference. 172 00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:24.160 Sometimes I'm so tired and weary, like today I just like slept all day. 173 00:11:24.160 --> 00:11:25.720 I've just been sick. 174 00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:28.960 And so I didn't really have a lot of time to think, which is probably a good thing because 175 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:34.640 we were pretty worn out after this respite care with the foster kiddos and the loss of 176 00:11:34.640 --> 00:11:35.840 our brother-in-law. 177 00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:41.720 And so, but sometimes, and that's a good note, sometimes we just need rest, you all. 178 00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:46.720 So if you're having a lot of negativity popping up, you might need to just take a nap. 179 00:11:46.720 --> 00:11:53.520 But also sometimes it's like in the moment, like pausing and just thinking and asking 180 00:11:53.520 --> 00:11:59.200 God, okay, I'm having this thought, God, is this thought from you? 181 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:06.000 Is it from the enemy or is it from my own, you know, thoughts or trauma? 182 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:10.240 Really discerning where are the things coming from that we are thinking about, that we're 183 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:16.280 meditating on and for many of us building our life on. 184 00:12:16.280 --> 00:12:18.120 So where are your thoughts leading you? 185 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:21.320 Where are they coming from and where are they leading you? 186 00:12:21.320 --> 00:12:25.720 Trauma that happened to us is not what stops us from having an amazing life. 187 00:12:25.720 --> 00:12:30.280 I want you to think about, it's not what happened to us. 188 00:12:30.280 --> 00:12:36.200 It's the lies we believed as a result of what happened to us, or even the trauma that we 189 00:12:36.200 --> 00:12:40.360 chose to step into, okay? 190 00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:43.760 Because some of us went through trauma because of choices we made. 191 00:12:43.760 --> 00:12:48.600 Some of us went through trauma because of things other people did. 192 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:54.640 No matter what, it is the lies we believe as a result of the trauma that can keep us 193 00:12:54.640 --> 00:12:57.200 from having the amazing life. 194 00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:01.480 Fears and anxiety feed off of the lies that we believe. 195 00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:05.720 So remember in the HeartWork book, it talks about, you know, Beezlebub and the Lord of 196 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:11.000 the Flies and how he looks for basically the, you know, a fly is looking for an open source, 197 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:14.320 looking for a place where it can plant its eggs. 198 00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:17.440 And then when the eggs hatch, they have this unlimited food source. 199 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:22.280 And so the enemy does, of our souls, does the same thing. 200 00:13:22.280 --> 00:13:28.960 He's looking for that sore spot, that place to plant his lies, his eggs. 201 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:33.960 And when they hatch, it has this unlimited food source. 202 00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:36.960 And so we've got to catch the lies at the root. 203 00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:40.000 We got to allow the Lord to heal those from the inside out. 204 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:43.840 Remember, it's not about short-term behavior change. 205 00:13:44.640 --> 00:13:52.280 It's about internal transformation that creates lasting life change. 206 00:13:52.280 --> 00:13:55.580 So I don't want you all to think about just being good. 207 00:13:55.580 --> 00:14:01.320 Even this weekend, you know, our society is really big on teaching us to say they're a 208 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:05.960 good girl or a bad boy, you know, or good or bad. 209 00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:07.720 You guys know what I'm saying, I think. 210 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:09.240 But our society teaches that. 211 00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.800 And even this weekend, I mean, I've done HeartWork for a long time. 212 00:14:11.800 --> 00:14:16.680 I try not to use that kind of verbiage because I just don't even, I don't even agree with it. 213 00:14:16.680 --> 00:14:20.240 I think it's, they're making a healthy choice or an unhealthy choice. 214 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:26.520 And part of that is because I had to learn how to not label myself as good or bad. 215 00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:33.720 We all make mistakes, but my mistakes did not define who I am. 216 00:14:33.720 --> 00:14:40.640 And if I believe that they do, then I believe that I'm a bad girl or I'm a bad woman, right? 217 00:14:40.640 --> 00:14:45.720 Some of us, I've never talked about this, so I feel like this is kind of important tonight. 218 00:14:45.720 --> 00:14:53.480 Some of you have labeled yourself as bad, broken, unworthy of being chosen. 219 00:14:53.480 --> 00:14:58.640 Even though you want a husband, you want a spirit mate, you've kind of counted yourself out. 220 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.000 Why would they even choose me? 221 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:05.000 Some of you have those kind of subconscious thoughts, 222 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:07.000 and so you're showing up in the world, 223 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:12.000 carrying those into every interaction. 224 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:14.000 I want you to think about the problem areas 225 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.000 where you've seen stuff show up over and over again, 226 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:21.000 and you've, like, just been stuck in some of those cycles. 227 00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:22.000 If you're like me at all, 228 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.000 some of you guys have different things, 229 00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:27.000 but when I was dating my spiritual daughter's dad, 230 00:15:27.000 --> 00:15:29.000 I remember just calling this counselor, 231 00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:31.000 and she asked me this question, 232 00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:32.000 because I knew I needed... 233 00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:34.000 This was before I did HeartWork coaching, 234 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:36.000 or HeartWork, the program, 235 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:39.000 and I just knew I needed something different 236 00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:42.000 because my ex-husband, the guy I dated after him, 237 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:43.000 and then the girl's dad, 238 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:47.000 all very similar types of men, 239 00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:52.000 and I couldn't figure out why I kept attracting those men. 240 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.000 And so she asked me this question. 241 00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:55.000 She said, 242 00:15:55.000 --> 00:16:00.000 Why do you think you need to come and see me? 243 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:01.000 And so what I said to her, I said, 244 00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:04.000 I keep attracting the same kind of men, 245 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:06.000 and I don't know why, 246 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:10.000 and what I see is I'm the common denominator here, 247 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:12.000 and I want to learn how to not attract 248 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:14.000 those kind of people anymore. 249 00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.000 And so that's why I started going to see her, 250 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:18.000 because I could see that there was this cycle, 251 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.000 this pattern that kept happening, 252 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:22.000 and then after I went to see her, 253 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:25.000 I broke off that relationship, 254 00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:28.000 and then I started not long after 255 00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:30.000 in the HeartWork coaching, 256 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:31.000 or excuse me, program, 257 00:16:31.000 --> 00:16:33.000 and then I became a HeartWork coach. 258 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:36.000 I'm getting my things backwards a little bit tonight. 259 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:41.000 But it was a signal to me when I looked at that pattern. 260 00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:44.000 It was a signal that I was believing lies 261 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:46.000 because when I started doing the counseling work 262 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:49.000 and then even the HeartWork program here, 263 00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:52.000 what I uncovered is I actually didn't, 264 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.000 I mean, I did believe I deserved good, you all, 265 00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:58.000 but my subconscious, 266 00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:02.000 the things that I couldn't see still 267 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:05.000 were causing me to settle 268 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:07.000 for people that treated me badly. 269 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:09.000 I'm a big giver. 270 00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:12.000 I give so hard and so big, 271 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:14.000 and I was attracting a bunch of takers, 272 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:18.000 and I even attracted friends that were takers a lot. 273 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:21.000 And so it wasn't just with romantic partners. 274 00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:22.000 Friends. 275 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:24.000 Take, take, take, take. 276 00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:26.000 And then when I would do something 277 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:29.000 they didn't like, labeled as bad now, 278 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:32.000 I've literally had friends walk out on me. 279 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:34.000 And I'm like, what the heck? 280 00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:37.000 Why does this keep happening? 281 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:40.000 Well, it's because I partnered 282 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:45.000 with the lie that I'm abandoned 283 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:47.000 at a young age. 284 00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:49.000 And so whether I mean to or not, 285 00:17:49.000 --> 00:17:51.000 even still sometimes, 286 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:53.000 sometimes people just choose you all, okay? 287 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:55.000 So it's not like it's my fault. 288 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:57.000 Sometimes people just choose, 289 00:17:57.000 --> 00:18:00.000 but see, again, the enemy is looking for that sore. 290 00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:03.000 One of the sores that he keeps trying to lay eggs in 291 00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:06.000 is that people abandon you. 292 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:08.000 They don't love you. 293 00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:10.000 They don't love you enough to stay. 294 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:11.000 Well, I know that's not true. 295 00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.000 I have a husband who's amazing. 296 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:16.000 Like this weekend, man, we were an awesome team 297 00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:17.000 in the hard moments. 298 00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:21.000 It was just, it was a true test of like so much of us 299 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:23.000 and we both showed up for each other. 300 00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:26.000 It was a really, really good seeing 301 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:28.000 how good we work as a team. 302 00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.000 So why am I saying all this stuff to you? 303 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:32.000 Because I believe God wants you to be able 304 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:34.000 to break out of your cycles too. 305 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:38.000 But it takes us looking at just the things in our lives 306 00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:42.000 and being really honest with ourselves, right? 307 00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:45.000 Yeah, Marisol. 308 00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:49.000 Sometimes abandonment, rejection, neglect as children. 309 00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:52.000 I was neglected a lot as a little girl 310 00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:54.000 and I don't even think it was intentional. 311 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:57.000 I don't think my mom just wanted to just not be there. 312 00:18:57.000 --> 00:18:58.000 She was a single mom. 313 00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:59.000 She had four kids. 314 00:18:59.000 --> 00:19:03.000 My dad was an alcoholic and drug addict and he left her. 315 00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:05.000 He just left her and then he would come back 316 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:06.000 and then he would leave again. 317 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:08.000 And it was just this repetitive cycle. 318 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:11.000 Well, I grew up experiencing that. 319 00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:16.000 So why wouldn't I believe that people abandoned me, right? 320 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:19.000 So there's times even the enemy has tried to lie to me 321 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:21.000 and convince me that I would do something wrong 322 00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:23.000 and Brian would change his mind. 323 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:28.000 So again, I'm saying these things 324 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:30.000 because the enemy is going to try to find 325 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:36.000 whatever your root is, that sore or those sores, plural, 326 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:39.000 and he's going to try to plant seeds in those places for you. 327 00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:41.000 I know last week I even saw Danielle coming in here. 328 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.000 Last week we did some coaching for several of you, 329 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:45.000 but Danielle, it even comes to mind 330 00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:48.000 some of what we were kind of doing with that cycle 331 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:50.000 you've been working through 332 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:52.000 and just the fear that God would send us someone 333 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:54.000 that we would have to just do without 334 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:56.000 and we would just be poor and all this. 335 00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.000 Where does that stuff come from in us? 336 00:19:58.000 --> 00:20:00.000 Well, it comes from somewhere. 337 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.080 So we got to look at that. All right, I'm going to keep going. So we don't always see the dysfunction 338 00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:10.720 in our lives as a problem. There's parts in the book that talk about this. I've been kind of 339 00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:18.160 talking a little bit about this already tonight. But it's kind of looking at our lives and seeing 340 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:24.320 the reality that when Jackie talks about in the book, she references like how some people actually 341 00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:32.400 like say, well, everybody experiences abuse. Like this is normal. I remember when my mom, 342 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:37.600 my grandma, my dad's side, when she found out about the abuse, I remember she like tried to 343 00:20:37.600 --> 00:20:44.480 say that to me. I was abused too. This is normal. And I was like, no, it's not. And I remember I 344 00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:49.440 was, I was not even a strong Christian. I was just a baby Christian then, but I just was like, no, 345 00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:56.000 no, this isn't normal. And so some of you might have had that happen, 346 00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.520 whether it's the enemy telling you that what you're experiencing is normal. 347 00:21:01.600 --> 00:21:08.160 People being abused, saying mean things to you, you saying mean things to yourself because you 348 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.480 heard your mom say negative things about herself, you know, as you were growing up all the time. 349 00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:17.280 And now you say those things to yourself, you know, whatever those are, again, I'm trying to 350 00:21:18.080 --> 00:21:23.280 say a lot of different things tonight to get you all to the root. And I'm saying all these because, 351 00:21:23.280 --> 00:21:30.800 again, the lies that we believe are going to be the root source of where fear and anxiety come 352 00:21:30.800 --> 00:21:36.960 out of them. So if we can get to the root, if we can get to the source of the pain of the lies of 353 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:42.640 the wounds and the trauma, and really lean into that and allow God to heal us from the inside 354 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:49.280 out, man, so much can be different for you in the future. So one of the biggest lies we're going to 355 00:21:49.280 --> 00:21:57.040 face, as I was saying, is your life is normal. You never having money is normal. Some of you 356 00:21:57.040 --> 00:22:01.120 struggle paycheck to paycheck. You just don't know where the money goes. I don't know if you 357 00:22:01.120 --> 00:22:04.960 all have ever felt like this, but back in the day, praise the Lord, I don't feel like this now. 358 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.600 But back in the day, I can remember saying out loud, I feel like I have a hole in my pocket. 359 00:22:13.120 --> 00:22:15.920 Even when blessings would come, something would break. 360 00:22:17.760 --> 00:22:22.480 And I can just remember having to heal from that because my mom said that stuff a lot. 361 00:22:23.360 --> 00:22:30.160 I realized I was reiterating what my mom said, because it wasn't true. I actually was good with 362 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:35.440 my money, but I also was a big giver. So what I would do is I was taking care of the girls, 363 00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:39.680 even though they weren't my kids. I was buying them all kinds of stuff. Even when their dad 364 00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:44.160 wasn't providing groceries in the house, I was buying groceries and having them delivered at the 365 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:52.080 home. Those are good things, but the reality is if we give, give, give, give, give, well, 366 00:22:52.080 --> 00:22:56.000 guess what? We don't have as much to save or invest and kind of grow that, right? 367 00:22:57.760 --> 00:23:04.800 So I had to still love them and give to them, but have more boundaries. That make sense, everyone? 368 00:23:05.280 --> 00:23:09.920 So some of you, the boundaries is going to be one of the core things you're going to need to work on. 369 00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:16.880 But even being able to set healthy boundaries, guess what? It comes from a healed heart. 370 00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:24.960 That's really important for everybody to remember. Why do we struggle to set healthy 371 00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:30.800 boundaries? Well, because we tend to believe we don't, it's not okay to say no to someone. 372 00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:38.000 It's not okay to do something for yourself. I'm coaching someone right now. She grew up, 373 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:46.160 her mom is an alcoholic and her dad has, I don't remember what level, but some form of autism. 374 00:23:46.800 --> 00:23:53.440 And so he's a good dad, but he's really not been able to socially and emotionally connect with her 375 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:58.800 a lot. And so there's just a lot of different patterns and things that she's believed and 376 00:23:58.800 --> 00:24:04.320 she's kind of grown up always trying to take care of her parents and like taking them on as a 377 00:24:04.320 --> 00:24:11.520 responsibility, trying to solve their problems. But she was drowning emotionally and mentally 378 00:24:11.520 --> 00:24:18.560 and physically. And so we've been working a lot on like just kind of her coming first. What does 379 00:24:18.560 --> 00:24:26.000 it look like for you to put yourself first? And for some people that is really, really hard. 380 00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:31.520 So we're doing really good. She's doing really well with her parents and her brother and setting 381 00:24:31.520 --> 00:24:37.040 those boundaries. And wouldn't you know, and again, I'm not saying we shouldn't be there for 382 00:24:37.040 --> 00:24:41.920 our friends. We shouldn't be there for our family. But what ends up happening in the last week, 383 00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:47.600 she has this friend that all of a sudden is in this big trauma situation. And instead of going 384 00:24:47.600 --> 00:24:53.840 to a coach or a counselor, her friend is coming to her, but then leaves her kind of hanging, 385 00:24:53.840 --> 00:24:59.840 doesn't even tell her she ends up being okay. And so my client was then spiraling. 386 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.160 panicking, worried about this person. 387 00:25:04.300 --> 00:25:08.140 Again, I'm not saying we shouldn't care, but what I said to her, I said, hey, 388 00:25:08.140 --> 00:25:09.500 I want you to notice something here. 389 00:25:09.980 --> 00:25:15.320 The enemy is sending this person now to get you reeling, to kind of do the same thing 390 00:25:15.320 --> 00:25:20.540 that you used to do with your parents, so I really want to caution you how much you're taking 391 00:25:20.540 --> 00:25:23.300 on responsibility for making sure this person is okay. 392 00:25:23.300 --> 00:25:26.580 Does that make sense, everyone? 393 00:25:27.180 --> 00:25:30.740 I want to make sure you're all tracking with me, because this is really important work tonight. 394 00:25:31.940 --> 00:25:37.140 I bring her up because she was in a fear response because what this person messaged her. 395 00:25:39.020 --> 00:25:41.060 And then then they just left her hanging. 396 00:25:42.060 --> 00:25:46.140 I'm not saying they meant to do that, but like, if you're going to message someone and say 397 00:25:46.140 --> 00:25:52.820 you're at this, like, terrible point, hey, like, come back and say you're good now, right? 398 00:25:54.460 --> 00:25:55.860 But see, I think the enemy did that. 399 00:25:55.860 --> 00:25:58.220 I think the enemy used that situation. 400 00:25:59.740 --> 00:26:02.180 And so that's one of the sores that she's working on. 401 00:26:02.180 --> 00:26:08.180 We're working on healing that stuff so that she doesn't get off track with, hey, you're in, 402 00:26:08.180 --> 00:26:11.180 remember, you're in the mode of taking care of yourself right now. 403 00:26:12.740 --> 00:26:14.260 I know you care about your friend. 404 00:26:14.300 --> 00:26:19.060 I know you care about your parents, but we need to just focus on you taking care of you so 405 00:26:19.060 --> 00:26:25.420 that, again, like the airplane mask, we put it on ourselves first so that we then can put it on 406 00:26:25.420 --> 00:26:29.580 other people if, if we are called to pay. 407 00:26:29.580 --> 00:26:34.820 Obviously, if someone's literally in a life or death situation, obviously we would do our best to 408 00:26:34.820 --> 00:26:39.980 help them. But what I'm talking about right now is sometimes we're always caught up with taking 409 00:26:39.980 --> 00:26:41.100 care of other people. 410 00:26:41.380 --> 00:26:44.660 And the last person we take care of is ourself. 411 00:26:46.500 --> 00:26:49.820 Even in the heart work, some of you are you're going to struggle, you're going to get all 412 00:26:49.820 --> 00:26:55.060 kinds of distractions coming to get you off course, and you're going to just feel so compelled 413 00:26:55.060 --> 00:26:58.900 to help those people to always be at ministry stuff at church. 414 00:26:58.940 --> 00:27:01.540 It's a very severe thing in the body of Christ. 415 00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:04.580 We really struggle to have boundaries. 416 00:27:05.180 --> 00:27:07.980 Some churches, like my church, I love them. 417 00:27:07.980 --> 00:27:14.300 Growing up years ago, they had this statement, the people that want the meat are always 418 00:27:14.300 --> 00:27:17.940 here. The people that want the meat are always here. 419 00:27:18.620 --> 00:27:21.140 And so in the beginning, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. 420 00:27:21.500 --> 00:27:25.260 And then the Lord started like, no, that's not good. 421 00:27:26.420 --> 00:27:32.500 That's not good, because what happened is we were going through a situation when I was 422 00:27:32.500 --> 00:27:37.940 married before where we couldn't be there in the morning and at night every single Sunday. 423 00:27:39.340 --> 00:27:43.580 Well, I still wanted to learn and grow and I was still on fire for the Lord, but I had a life 424 00:27:43.580 --> 00:27:44.820 situation that changed. 425 00:27:45.420 --> 00:27:49.540 But the way they stated it is the people that wanted the meat, the people that really wanted 426 00:27:49.860 --> 00:27:51.940 were there in the morning and at night. 427 00:27:53.020 --> 00:27:55.900 Well, then that started shifting how I viewed that, right? 428 00:27:57.220 --> 00:28:01.620 This is for somebody, so I don't know if people have said even stuff like that for you, like 429 00:28:01.620 --> 00:28:04.740 if you just really if you really want this, this is what it looks like. 430 00:28:05.940 --> 00:28:10.180 And God is going to try to change the way you even view maybe your spirit mate and how 431 00:28:10.180 --> 00:28:11.580 this is all supposed to play out. 432 00:28:12.140 --> 00:28:13.900 What is your responsibility? 433 00:28:13.900 --> 00:28:15.820 Where do you need to draw boundaries? 434 00:28:15.820 --> 00:28:20.460 You know, do you hear the enemy still saying, well, if you did this, that's the right way to 435 00:28:20.460 --> 00:28:23.180 do it. And that means you're really serious about this thing. 436 00:28:23.980 --> 00:28:28.940 And God is just trying to invite you into a life of like you're still taking imperfect 437 00:28:28.940 --> 00:28:36.900 action, but you're doing it from a place of love, grounded in the Lord and your identity 438 00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:41.500 and Him, and you're not striving for other people's approval. 439 00:28:41.900 --> 00:28:45.900 I want you guys to pause when you start to have fear and anxiety, I want you to pause and ask 440 00:28:45.900 --> 00:28:46.980 yourself two things. 441 00:28:49.980 --> 00:28:50.940 What are the facts? 442 00:28:52.380 --> 00:28:53.820 And then what is true? 443 00:28:54.940 --> 00:28:56.940 What are the facts in this situation? 444 00:28:58.700 --> 00:29:00.460 And then, Lord, what is true? 445 00:29:00.460 --> 00:29:03.020 Like, what's your truth in this situation? 446 00:29:04.380 --> 00:29:07.820 We can overcome fears, the more we heal and the more rooted we become in God's love and 447 00:29:07.820 --> 00:29:09.740 faithfulness to us. I've been talking about that. 448 00:29:09.740 --> 00:29:11.820 So I want you to think about this as well. 449 00:29:12.860 --> 00:29:16.140 Are you someone that tends to wait for the other shoe to drop? 450 00:29:18.380 --> 00:29:24.940 Like when good stuff starts happening, you're like, okay, this is great and all, but deep 451 00:29:24.940 --> 00:29:27.180 down, you just think the other shoe is going to drop at some point. 452 00:29:27.180 --> 00:29:32.300 Maybe you tend to think about the worst case scenario instead of the best case scenario. 453 00:29:32.300 --> 00:29:32.780 I don't know. 454 00:29:32.780 --> 00:29:33.660 I was like this. 455 00:29:33.660 --> 00:29:34.700 So I put this down. 456 00:29:34.700 --> 00:29:38.700 Maybe you hear a siren and automatically you're like, okay, I'm going to wait for the other 457 00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:41.660 siren and automatically think something happened to someone you love. 458 00:29:43.580 --> 00:29:48.540 I grew up, my family, when I was in fourth grade, my mom and my oldest brother and sister 459 00:29:48.540 --> 00:29:49.740 were hit by a drunk driver. 460 00:29:50.700 --> 00:29:57.180 My brothers also had multiple other accidents when I was younger, a couple concussions, 461 00:29:57.180 --> 00:29:58.700 all kinds of things that happened. 462 00:29:59.420 --> 00:29:59.980 My sister 463 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.640 started having seizures when she was a junior in high school. So I would have been, I don't know, 464 00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:09.600 let's see, 10, nine, eighth grade. And I had to help kind of help her come out of those seizures 465 00:30:09.600 --> 00:30:16.800 a lot. A lot of trauma around hospitals. My mom had an aneurysm when I was in college and I had 466 00:30:16.800 --> 00:30:21.440 to leave college and come home and we were in hospitals a lot. We didn't even know if she's 467 00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:26.400 going to make it at first. So when I go into a hospital, like I can't even, like I automatically, 468 00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:34.320 my body has a physical response. Like the smell of hospitals, like, it's just like, 469 00:30:34.320 --> 00:30:40.400 it's an automatic. So I've had to really work on that too. But when I would hear sirens, 470 00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:44.880 I would fight that, like that fear of like, oh my gosh, something, something happened to one of my 471 00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:52.720 people. So some of you guys might have some of that too. Maybe someone doesn't text you back. 472 00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:57.760 This is a huge one right now in your timeframe. So it's not just, hey, they didn't text you back, 473 00:30:58.320 --> 00:31:02.640 but like you have a lot of anxious attachment and somebody didn't text you back right away. 474 00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:07.840 So now you think something massively is wrong. Let's pay attention to that. Let's get to the 475 00:31:07.840 --> 00:31:11.920 root of that. Cause that's not a, that's not going to be a place where you're going to walk in peace. 476 00:31:12.560 --> 00:31:16.560 The enemy is going to try to stir that anxiousness up in you every way that he can. 477 00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:22.240 All right. So I want you to think about when somebody doesn't text you back or call you back 478 00:31:22.320 --> 00:31:28.160 or respond the way you think they should, are any of your initial thoughts, they're mad at me. 479 00:31:28.160 --> 00:31:34.000 They don't care about me. They must be talking to someone else. They must, you know, maybe they care 480 00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:39.360 more about another friend than me. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not whatever, 481 00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:46.480 fill in the blank enough. Yeah. A lot of people do this in dating. So it is in every area we face it, 482 00:31:46.480 --> 00:31:51.120 but especially in dating, people will do this. So what are those thoughts rooted in? If we have 483 00:31:51.120 --> 00:31:58.080 those, think about it. Fear, doubt, unbelief, pain, and wounds, and all the things that are 484 00:31:58.080 --> 00:32:01.760 not good. Remember, we're supposed to think on things that are true, noble, and lovely, 485 00:32:01.760 --> 00:32:06.000 and of good report. Things that are above only and not beneath, that's in scripture. 486 00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:11.360 Why do you think it says that? Because the Lord knows we're going to get 487 00:32:11.360 --> 00:32:13.920 like literally attacked in our mind all the time. 488 00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:18.960 So a couple of scriptures for you, and then we're going to get ready for breakout here. 489 00:32:19.840 --> 00:32:23.600 1 John 4.18, this is from the Amplified Version. This is what it says. 490 00:32:23.600 --> 00:32:32.720 There's no fear in love. Dread does not exist. But perfect, complete, full-grown love drives 491 00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:40.720 out fear because fear involves the expectation of divine punishment. So the one who is afraid 492 00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:48.400 of God's judgment is not perfected in love, which means has not grown into a sufficient 493 00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:55.280 understanding of God's love. I feel the Holy Spirit on this too. So I want to say something 494 00:32:55.280 --> 00:33:03.920 here because when it says, because fear involves the expectation of divine punishment, I want to 495 00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:12.000 kind of frame this a little bit too. If we believe that God would lead us into a relationship 496 00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:22.240 to harm us, y'all, that's rooted in a lie. And that is us believing that there's kind of this 497 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:30.960 divine punishment, if you will. Doesn't a good father give good gifts to their children? 498 00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:37.280 We had kids here for four days, and all I could think about was the first night here, 499 00:33:37.280 --> 00:33:41.920 the first night here, as she was talking about things that she liked, the older little girl, 500 00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:46.480 I went the next day while they were in school, and I got some more things that I thought, 501 00:33:46.480 --> 00:33:51.200 okay, this is going to make her feel safer. This is going to help her feel better here. 502 00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:55.600 I mean, that comes from the heart of the father. That's not just, 503 00:33:55.600 --> 00:33:59.280 oh, Pat, my... No, that's God's heart for us. 504 00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:06.560 Even more, the father wants to give us good things. I want you to really kind of get to 505 00:34:06.560 --> 00:34:12.000 the root of some of these things. If we believe that God's withholding from us, 506 00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:16.320 or he's dangling a carrot and then he just tricks us and he takes it away, 507 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:24.320 again, where do those things come from in us? It comes from pain and lies that we believed as a 508 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:30.639 result of trauma, or again, hearing other people talk like that growing up. Remember, it's not just 509 00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:34.639 for some of you, it's not just your stuff, it's generational stuff that has been passed down. 510 00:34:35.600 --> 00:34:39.199 John 3, 16, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, 511 00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:46.560 that whosoever believes in him should not perish. Y'all, if he gave his son, 512 00:34:48.080 --> 00:34:51.600 will he not give you a good thing? 513 00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:58.960 Sometimes here's the struggle. There's things that we want that are not good for us. 514 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.720 Truth. 515 00:35:03.720 --> 00:35:10.760 I years ago thought I wanted to marry my spiritual daughter's dad, convinced of it, pleaded 516 00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:12.680 God for it. 517 00:35:12.680 --> 00:35:16.360 Please God, show him, show him that he should marry me. 518 00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:21.480 Oh my gosh, I'm so thankful that God did not show him that. 519 00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:25.360 If I had married him, I would not be where I am at all. 520 00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:29.120 Like my life, it would have been a really, really bad thing. 521 00:35:29.120 --> 00:35:31.000 It was already bad when I was dating him. 522 00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:34.780 It would have just gotten worse if we had gotten married. 523 00:35:34.780 --> 00:35:38.840 Because what they show you when you're dating, that's just going to increase when you're 524 00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:39.840 married. 525 00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:40.840 Okay? 526 00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:43.840 I'm not going to read it tonight. 527 00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:49.440 I would love for you all to listen to the song Fear is a Liar this week by Zach Williams. 528 00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:52.240 I talk about this every time I talk about fear and anxiety. 529 00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:58.000 You might have heard this song before, but I want you to listen with new ears. 530 00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.680 Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams. 531 00:35:59.680 --> 00:36:03.440 I'll put it up in the group too, so some of you guys can just kind of grab a link from 532 00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:04.440 there. 533 00:36:04.440 --> 00:36:07.840 But I believe it's going to really help a lot of you kind of break free from some things 534 00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:08.840 as well. 535 00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:13.080 Hebrews 12 one says, therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, 536 00:36:13.080 --> 00:36:19.160 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us 537 00:36:19.160 --> 00:36:22.560 run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. 538 00:36:22.560 --> 00:36:25.600 So here's your question for the breakout rooms tonight. 539 00:36:25.600 --> 00:36:31.080 What fear or anxious thoughts, you know, you can kind of lump that in there. 540 00:36:31.080 --> 00:36:34.000 Are you going to ask God to help you with tonight? 541 00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:39.600 What fears or anxious thoughts, anxious patterns, kind of whatever you're feeling coming up 542 00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:42.080 that's connected to this conversation tonight. 543 00:36:42.080 --> 00:36:47.520 Are you going to ask God to help you with, all right, let me get these rooms ready. 544 00:36:47.520 --> 00:36:55.840 Y'all, God shows up for us all the time, because I prayed all day that God would give 545 00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:59.680 me the energy for tonight and I'm doing pretty good. 546 00:36:59.680 --> 00:37:01.640 I know that he's with me all the time. 547 00:37:01.640 --> 00:37:03.160 I really, really do. 548 00:37:03.160 --> 00:37:05.400 So I want to encourage you all that he's with you too. 549 00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:06.880 All right, let's do this. 550 00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:09.720 I'm going to give it eight minutes tonight. 551 00:37:09.720 --> 00:37:10.980 Talk about that question first. 552 00:37:10.980 --> 00:37:15.480 And then what I want you all to do is if you have extra time, every person in the group 553 00:37:15.480 --> 00:37:16.480 goes. 554 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.240 So if I give, there's three of you in a group, it's going to be about two and a half minutes 555 00:37:20.240 --> 00:37:21.240 each. 556 00:37:21.240 --> 00:37:22.240 Short, brief, and powerful. 557 00:37:22.240 --> 00:37:24.920 Remember, you're paying attention to other people in the room. 558 00:37:24.920 --> 00:37:29.680 Also reminder that you don't need to advise, counsel, or help anybody, okay? 559 00:37:29.680 --> 00:37:34.640 When they share about what they're struggling with or what they're processing, your good 560 00:37:34.640 --> 00:37:39.740 response would be, thank you so much for trusting us and sharing that with us, okay? 561 00:37:39.740 --> 00:37:41.660 That's a really great response. 562 00:37:41.660 --> 00:37:44.760 Then the next person should go ahead and go. 563 00:37:44.760 --> 00:37:47.840 Don't feel like you have to solve what the other people are saying. 564 00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:49.320 That's what the coaches are for. 565 00:37:49.320 --> 00:37:51.000 That's what our program is for. 566 00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:53.640 And then at the end, if you have extra time, get to know each other. 567 00:37:53.640 --> 00:37:54.960 Where are you from? 568 00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:55.960 What led you to the community? 569 00:37:55.960 --> 00:37:58.560 Whatever you feel led to share, all right? 570 00:37:58.560 --> 00:37:59.560 Okay. 571 00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:00.560 Those are coming up on the screen. 572 00:38:00.560 --> 00:38:02.840 Go ahead and click to join those as quick as you can. 573 00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:22.680 All right, I'm just going to move a couple people around. 574 00:38:22.680 --> 00:38:25.520 I've got some people sitting by themselves here. 575 00:38:25.520 --> 00:38:28.560 Three, two, seven. 576 00:38:28.560 --> 00:38:33.360 I pressed the wrong button. 577 00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:36.360 Come back. 578 00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:38.360 Sorry. 579 00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:43.680 All right. 580 00:38:43.680 --> 00:38:45.840 I have to grab my charger real quick. 581 00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:57.920 I'll be right back, y'all, okay? 582 00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:08.680 Hey, Bethany. 583 00:39:08.680 --> 00:39:13.400 I was put into a room with somebody who I couldn't hear or see. 584 00:39:14.120 --> 00:39:16.120 I think she might be having technical difficulties. 585 00:39:16.120 --> 00:39:19.120 Oh, there's Melissa. 586 00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:22.120 Danielle, did you get kicked out? 587 00:39:22.120 --> 00:39:26.120 Well, I was with Melissa, but I can't hear or see her. 588 00:39:26.120 --> 00:39:28.120 Okay, give me a second. 589 00:39:28.120 --> 00:39:31.120 I don't know what's going on, Melissa, with your end. 590 00:39:31.120 --> 00:39:34.120 Oh. 591 00:39:34.120 --> 00:39:35.120 Okay. 592 00:39:35.120 --> 00:39:38.120 It looks like she has internet delay because her picture's a little choppy. 593 00:39:38.120 --> 00:39:40.120 Let me put you in a different group, okay? 594 00:39:40.120 --> 00:39:41.120 Okay, thank you. 595 00:39:41.120 --> 00:39:42.120 Okay, I see where you're at. 596 00:39:42.120 --> 00:39:43.120 Hold on one second. 597 00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:44.840 I've got somebody by themselves, too. 598 00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:47.840 There you go. 599 00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:52.840 All right. 600 00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:58.840 I do feel led to go ahead and read that song over those of you that are sitting here. 601 00:39:58.840 --> 00:39:59.840 Melissa, it's okay. 602 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.520 if you're having internet trouble and you need to stay here. It seems like, do you want me to try 603 00:40:03.520 --> 00:40:07.200 to put you back in a group? Let's see if it works this time. She couldn't hear you. 604 00:40:08.720 --> 00:40:12.800 Sure. I moved to a different part and maybe that'll be better. 605 00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:15.280 Okay, cool. Let me put you in that room with them. That'll work. 606 00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:17.460 Okay. 607 00:40:18.640 --> 00:40:22.880 Awesome. Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing tonight. That should be on your 608 00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:27.200 screen for you there. Thank you for working in these groups, even as the ladies are talking. 609 00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:31.200 Thank you for revealing things for healing. God, we ask you to continue to help us to be 610 00:40:31.200 --> 00:40:38.400 set free in every area. Lord, I thank you for just conveying your heart to us. I thank you for 611 00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:43.840 reminding us of your love for us tonight and how you're with us in every season. I thank you for 612 00:40:43.840 --> 00:40:50.720 even this song that you led, whether it was Zach Williams or someone else to write, just the power 613 00:40:50.720 --> 00:40:56.000 in the words of it, fear is a liar. And this isn't the whole song, but this is just some of the 614 00:40:56.000 --> 00:41:03.520 lyrics that I always use with this kind of week in the course. And this is what it says. When he, 615 00:41:03.520 --> 00:41:07.760 and it's talking about the enemy here. When he told you, you're not good enough. When he told 616 00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:13.280 you, you're not right. When he told you, you're not strong enough to put up a good fight. When 617 00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:18.560 he told you, you're not worthy. When he told you, you're not loved. When he told you, you're not 618 00:41:18.640 --> 00:41:27.280 beautiful. You'll never be enough. Fear, he is a liar. He will take your breath, stop you in your 619 00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:35.200 steps. Fear, he is a liar. He will rob your rest, steal your happiness, cast your fear in the fire 620 00:41:35.200 --> 00:41:43.840 because fear, he is a liar. When he told you, you were troubled, you'll forever be alone. When he 621 00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:48.720 told you, you should run away, you'll never find a home. When he told you, you were dirty and you 622 00:41:48.720 --> 00:41:55.440 should be ashamed. When he told you, you could be the one that grace could never change. Oh, fear, 623 00:41:55.440 --> 00:42:03.600 he is a liar. He will take your breath, stop you in your steps. Fear, he is a liar. He will rob your 624 00:42:03.600 --> 00:42:10.800 rest, steal your happiness, cast your fear in the fire because fear, he is a liar. So for some of 625 00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:14.160 you, even when I was reading that part where it says, when he told you, you were troubled, you'll 626 00:42:14.160 --> 00:42:18.880 forever be alone. When he told you, you should run away, you'll never find a home. I also kind of 627 00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:23.520 feel like this applies to those of you that are like really hoping for new jobs. You're hoping 628 00:42:23.520 --> 00:42:28.880 for a move. You're hoping for, you know, change. Like whatever the enemy is telling you, remember 629 00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:36.080 that he's a liar. You know, he's the father of lies and God is not a liar. He's not a man that 630 00:42:36.080 --> 00:42:43.520 he should lie. Scripture talks about that. Sorry. So that's so important to kind of differentiate 631 00:42:43.520 --> 00:42:49.760 between who God is versus the enemy. And we can always read scripture and learn what God's 632 00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:55.600 character is. Remember the red words, what Jesus said, a great way to learn about who the father is. 633 00:42:55.600 --> 00:43:00.880 Super important term for that. Sometimes we just need to soak in that stuff and really lean into 634 00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:06.720 what God is saying, you know, in every situation. And so let's pray into some of the fears and 635 00:43:06.720 --> 00:43:11.360 things that if you guys that are here in this main room, if you put some of the fears that 636 00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:17.280 you've been facing up in the chat, I'll just pray over those specifically. And if not, then I'll go 637 00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:20.960 ahead and just pray into the main, like things that God brings up just in general, but I'll pray 638 00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:27.840 over those if I see them pop in there. So God, we just thank you that Lord, that you see everything 639 00:43:27.840 --> 00:43:33.120 that we have need of God, that you see our hearts, you see our rising up, our lying down, our coming 640 00:43:33.120 --> 00:43:38.400 and our going. God, I thank you that we are blessed when we lie down. We are blessed when we rise up. 641 00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:42.080 We're blessed when we go in and out. God, I thank you that you are defending us, that you've gone 642 00:43:42.080 --> 00:43:49.040 before us into every situation. God, I thank you that you're with us in the both and situations, 643 00:43:49.040 --> 00:43:53.120 kind of what I was talking about earlier, like when we feel grief and joy at the same time, 644 00:43:53.120 --> 00:43:59.520 or we feel the highs and the lows. In ministry, we call it ministry whiplash. You know, sometimes 645 00:43:59.520 --> 00:44:04.560 we can feel like this really big high, and then literally like minutes later, something happens, 646 00:44:04.560 --> 00:44:08.640 and it's just like this big drop, but that can happen in life too. And so Lord, we just thank 647 00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:12.240 you that you're with us in those moments. I see Alice put something in here, parents' health and 648 00:44:12.240 --> 00:44:17.040 wellbeing, aging in place in their home, finances and income running out. Father, we just thank you 649 00:44:17.680 --> 00:44:23.440 for Alice's parents. God, we ask you to heal them. God, that you would just continue to keep your 650 00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:29.760 hand upon them. God, we thank you that you would just continue to provide the resources that are 651 00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:35.920 needed for their care, for everything that they have need of. God, I pray for peace for Alice as 652 00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:42.080 well. God, I thank you that you would just continue to direct her and guide her, give her wisdom in 653 00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:49.760 every decision. Even just as my mom was really sick years ago, even as a young, I mean, my mom 654 00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:58.720 died when she was, gosh, I think 72, something like that. Just really young. But before that, 655 00:44:58.720 --> 00:44:59.760 for years... 656 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.320 So about 20 years, 22 years of my life, 657 00:45:04.380 --> 00:45:05.220 maybe a little longer. 658 00:45:05.220 --> 00:45:07.080 Guys, I'm not good with math tonight. 659 00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:09.360 Had to care for her. 660 00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:12.040 I know how hard that can be to care for parents 661 00:45:12.040 --> 00:45:13.760 that are sick or aging. 662 00:45:13.760 --> 00:45:16.620 And so God, we just ask you for grace for all of those, 663 00:45:16.620 --> 00:45:18.160 not just Alice, but anyone else 664 00:45:18.160 --> 00:45:20.160 that might be caring for parents 665 00:45:20.160 --> 00:45:23.540 or even children that have disabilities or sicknesses. 666 00:45:23.540 --> 00:45:24.880 I recognize that as well. 667 00:45:24.880 --> 00:45:28.080 My cousin has two sons with autism 668 00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:29.680 and just struggling there. 669 00:45:29.680 --> 00:45:32.160 God, we just thank you for those 670 00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:33.860 that are struggling with finances, God, 671 00:45:33.860 --> 00:45:36.460 that you just continue to provide for them, 672 00:45:36.460 --> 00:45:37.840 that you would also help all of us 673 00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:40.200 to become good stewards of what you give us. 674 00:45:40.200 --> 00:45:42.940 God, we thank you for when the enemy comes in like a flood, 675 00:45:42.940 --> 00:45:44.160 God, that your word declares 676 00:45:44.160 --> 00:45:47.240 that you will raise up a standard against him. 677 00:45:47.240 --> 00:45:49.360 God, we just ask you to dispatch your angels 678 00:45:49.360 --> 00:45:51.380 to war on our behalf tonight. 679 00:45:51.380 --> 00:45:54.160 God, that you would help us to continue to break free 680 00:45:54.160 --> 00:45:56.400 from the lies that have kept us bound, 681 00:45:56.400 --> 00:45:58.880 that have kept us in unhealthy cycles, 682 00:45:58.920 --> 00:46:02.800 that have led us to believe the lies 683 00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:04.600 that the enemy has been spewing. 684 00:46:05.920 --> 00:46:07.960 John 10, 10 comes to mind, 685 00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:10.080 the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy. 686 00:46:10.080 --> 00:46:10.920 Let's look it up. 687 00:46:10.920 --> 00:46:13.440 So I just wanna make sure I know it, 688 00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:18.160 but I feel like sometimes it's just good to read it. 689 00:46:19.680 --> 00:46:22.720 Hold on one second, I'm finding it, I'm finding it. 690 00:46:22.720 --> 00:46:23.840 I think we have everybody coming back. 691 00:46:23.840 --> 00:46:26.480 It'll be good for them to hear it too. 692 00:46:26.480 --> 00:46:27.600 So what does it say? 693 00:46:27.600 --> 00:46:31.480 It says, John 10, 10, the thief comes only to steal 694 00:46:31.480 --> 00:46:33.040 and kill and destroy. 695 00:46:33.040 --> 00:46:38.040 I have come that they may have life and have it to the fool. 696 00:46:38.420 --> 00:46:40.280 So what's the fool life look like? 697 00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:42.160 Is it a good life? 698 00:46:42.160 --> 00:46:45.120 Because God has good things for us, right? 699 00:46:45.120 --> 00:46:48.560 But I love there, sorry, I'm getting some feedback. 700 00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:52.160 I love in the scripture, this is John 10, 10 701 00:46:52.160 --> 00:46:54.240 that I was reading as y'all came back, 702 00:46:54.240 --> 00:46:57.080 that it says the thief comes only, 703 00:46:58.160 --> 00:46:59.400 only to kill, steal and destroy. 704 00:46:59.400 --> 00:47:03.160 That is literally the enemy's main assignment. 705 00:47:03.160 --> 00:47:04.980 That's what he's trying to do. 706 00:47:04.980 --> 00:47:07.880 But the Lord is wanting, 707 00:47:07.880 --> 00:47:09.520 he's the one that's coming to give us life 708 00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:12.100 and give it to the fool, abundant life. 709 00:47:12.100 --> 00:47:15.900 Some of us, again, I don't mean to reference 710 00:47:15.900 --> 00:47:17.800 these little girls, but man, 711 00:47:17.800 --> 00:47:21.040 some of what they were doing this weekend, 712 00:47:21.040 --> 00:47:23.560 especially the older one and saying, 713 00:47:24.240 --> 00:47:28.720 a seven-year-old, her vocabulary was very well-versed 714 00:47:28.720 --> 00:47:31.240 in the negative things, if y'all know what I'm saying. 715 00:47:31.240 --> 00:47:33.800 And things that she was saying about, 716 00:47:33.800 --> 00:47:35.160 she was playing with these ponies 717 00:47:35.160 --> 00:47:37.240 and it's just very eye-opening. 718 00:47:37.240 --> 00:47:38.720 You know this kid has been raised 719 00:47:38.720 --> 00:47:41.440 in a very rough environment, right? 720 00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:46.100 Well, we say what we've heard and what we believe 721 00:47:46.100 --> 00:47:49.920 and what we've experienced, okay? 722 00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:52.560 So even though you might not have gone through 723 00:47:52.560 --> 00:47:55.300 those kind of things, some of you might have, 724 00:47:55.300 --> 00:47:58.920 but what we partner with in our hearts, 725 00:47:58.920 --> 00:48:01.680 what we have absorbed is going to come out 726 00:48:01.680 --> 00:48:03.880 one way or another. 727 00:48:03.880 --> 00:48:06.040 The more that we heal, remember what he transforms 728 00:48:06.040 --> 00:48:10.040 on the inside is gonna cause a change of response 729 00:48:10.040 --> 00:48:10.900 on the outside. 730 00:48:10.900 --> 00:48:15.660 Many of us react, you know, fear, anxiety, 731 00:48:15.660 --> 00:48:17.480 all the other kind of things that kind of go 732 00:48:17.480 --> 00:48:21.240 in that direction, or the fruits of the spirit, 733 00:48:21.240 --> 00:48:24.640 which is love, joy, kindness, goodness, peace, 734 00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:26.680 faithfulness, self-control. 735 00:48:26.680 --> 00:48:28.480 I don't know if I said them all or if I said them backwards, 736 00:48:28.480 --> 00:48:30.880 but you all get what I'm saying, right? 737 00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:34.240 But we need help, we need the spirit's help 738 00:48:34.240 --> 00:48:36.140 to grow in these areas. 739 00:48:36.140 --> 00:48:38.600 While we're given those, we're given the fruits 740 00:48:38.600 --> 00:48:41.620 of the spirit, we have to partner with them 741 00:48:41.620 --> 00:48:45.520 and learn how to walk in them every day, all right? 742 00:48:45.520 --> 00:48:48.080 So some of what I've been talking about tonight, 743 00:48:49.080 --> 00:48:51.920 some of us are plagued with fear and anxiety 744 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:54.560 because the enemy attacks us with that stuff. 745 00:48:54.560 --> 00:48:56.600 We all encounter it, but some people, 746 00:48:56.600 --> 00:48:58.960 that is literally like the enemy's biggest weapon 747 00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:00.520 against you. 748 00:49:00.520 --> 00:49:05.260 Others, you know, it is there, but it's not as intense. 749 00:49:05.260 --> 00:49:06.160 Why am I saying that? 750 00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:09.920 Well, because we all, one of the ways we overcome that 751 00:49:09.920 --> 00:49:12.360 is growing in the fruits of the spirit. 752 00:49:13.120 --> 00:49:18.120 I'm not minimizing fear or depression or anxiety 753 00:49:18.120 --> 00:49:21.120 or any of the things that we face, 754 00:49:21.120 --> 00:49:24.640 but what I am saying is the stronger our arsenal is 755 00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:29.440 on the inside about truth, about who we are in Christ, 756 00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:32.720 the more we can pull those weapons out and use them 757 00:49:32.720 --> 00:49:34.960 when the enemy is attacking us like a sword. 758 00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:37.560 You know, the Bible talks about putting on 759 00:49:37.560 --> 00:49:39.320 the full armor of God. 760 00:49:39.320 --> 00:49:41.280 I wanna encourage you all to look that scripture up 761 00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:45.000 and pray the armor of God on yourself every day. 762 00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:47.800 Why does that matter? 763 00:49:47.800 --> 00:49:50.040 Well, because, you know, the enemy, again, 764 00:49:50.040 --> 00:49:52.520 he's looking for those he can devour. 765 00:49:52.520 --> 00:49:54.720 He's looking for those that aren't putting their armor on. 766 00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:58.260 He's looking for those he can come in and kind of pursue. 767 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.000 swayed you to go in a not good direction. 768 00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:08.160 Armoring up is just the first step. So I want to encourage you, if you haven't 769 00:50:08.160 --> 00:50:10.880 been doing that, to start doing that. Just get that 770 00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:14.240 scripture out, pray it, like print it out where you can see it, pray it over 771 00:50:14.240 --> 00:50:16.720 yourself. Partner with that in the days ahead. 772 00:50:16.720 --> 00:50:20.640 All right, the next part for those of you that are brand new, we do group coaching. 773 00:50:20.640 --> 00:50:24.240 We kind of lean into what you all have shared in the private breakout 774 00:50:24.240 --> 00:50:27.200 group and then you can share that here and then we'll do 775 00:50:27.200 --> 00:50:31.200 some coaching around that and Wendy is ready to go. If you guys want to 776 00:50:31.200 --> 00:50:34.240 do that as well, you'll raise your digital hand 777 00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:40.880 like Wendy. If you're, excuse me, so sorry. 778 00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:43.840 If you're not sure how to do that, so sorry to go. 779 00:50:43.840 --> 00:50:50.080 Yeah and unmuted myself. Mine is, I've been experiencing a lot of fear 780 00:50:50.080 --> 00:50:56.800 lately on my health and my finances. As I'm aging, 781 00:50:56.800 --> 00:51:01.120 I'm dealing with what do I do, what's my next steps, 782 00:51:01.120 --> 00:51:05.040 that type of thing and starting a new adventure 783 00:51:05.040 --> 00:51:11.600 in my life as far as work. So Wendy, when the health and you said 784 00:51:11.600 --> 00:51:15.600 your concerns lately, the fears have been health and what was the second one? 785 00:51:15.600 --> 00:51:23.280 Finances. Finances. All right, so what's the core lie that you hear? 786 00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:29.840 That I'm not worthy. I have a poverty mindset. 787 00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:35.040 That you're not worthy of health or not worthy of finances or both? 788 00:51:35.040 --> 00:51:38.560 Okay, so what else do you hear? 789 00:51:39.200 --> 00:51:45.680 Just scared for, you know, as you get older you're a little bit more, 790 00:51:45.680 --> 00:51:53.360 the fear of just safety too. Okay, I'm asking those for a reason. 791 00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:59.040 Thank you so much for sharing. So ladies, as we unpack this, one of 792 00:51:59.040 --> 00:52:03.440 the things that's going to be really important is that we look at, like I 793 00:52:03.440 --> 00:52:06.880 just did there, remember we're trying to get to the root source and sometimes we 794 00:52:06.880 --> 00:52:08.960 don't know if what's coming up right now is 795 00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:12.560 actually the root. It might just be what is 796 00:52:12.560 --> 00:52:18.720 leading us in that direction. And so first she hears not worthy pretty 797 00:52:18.720 --> 00:52:22.400 loud because that came up first, but then what started coming out as well, 798 00:52:22.400 --> 00:52:28.400 she's scared and she has a fear of safety. And so yeah, of course, some of us 799 00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:31.680 are going to experience that naturally as we get older, but I want you all to 800 00:52:31.680 --> 00:52:38.880 kind of pause. Not everybody has massive fear 801 00:52:38.880 --> 00:52:43.600 regarding their health as they get older. Are there things that we need to 802 00:52:43.600 --> 00:52:45.680 change? Like for instance, I have literally, 803 00:52:45.680 --> 00:52:49.360 since we moved to Florida, I have been sick more than I've ever been sick in my 804 00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:52.560 life. Can't figure it out yet, I'm working on 805 00:52:52.560 --> 00:52:55.600 it, but even today I was just talking to Jackie Dorman about it because I'm just 806 00:52:55.600 --> 00:52:57.600 like, this is crazy. I just feel like I was 807 00:52:57.600 --> 00:53:02.720 just sick and I was sick in May too. Now I did have little kids in my house 808 00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:06.400 that were both sick, so there's that too, right? 809 00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:12.320 But the reason I say that is sometimes we have to make some shifts 810 00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:17.040 to take better care of ourselves, to do some preventative things. So 811 00:53:17.040 --> 00:53:20.480 while we have fear, we want to work on those. We might 812 00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:26.800 also need to do some actual things in our life to shift the way we're taking 813 00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:30.400 care of ourselves, maybe the way that we're saving money, 814 00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:34.080 you know, where we're kind of both and. Even though it's a different 815 00:53:34.080 --> 00:53:38.480 context, I feel like that really fits that I started with that tonight. 816 00:53:38.480 --> 00:53:42.880 But let's get to the root of the fear of safety. I feel like that one, 817 00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:46.560 even though the not worthy came up first, Wendy, 818 00:53:46.560 --> 00:53:49.840 I feel like there's something on this fear of safety. So when is the first 819 00:53:49.840 --> 00:53:54.800 time you had a fear of safety? Growing up, 820 00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:58.720 I lived in a very violent household. 821 00:53:59.600 --> 00:54:02.960 Yeah, and so 822 00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:09.920 do you tend to, like, what is the question I want to ask? 823 00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:14.880 When the fear of safety comes up, do you have a physical response in your body as 824 00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:17.120 well? 825 00:54:19.200 --> 00:54:24.640 I just feel stressed. Yeah. I have a lot of anxiety. 826 00:54:24.640 --> 00:54:31.040 Okay, so ladies, I talk a lot about, and myself too, I have to really do a lot 827 00:54:31.040 --> 00:54:35.760 of this work after kind of having those kids this weekend, but 828 00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:39.280 like the importance of us kind of honing in on the little girl 829 00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:44.960 us, okay? While we are adults now, part of the convergence back into the 830 00:54:44.960 --> 00:54:49.440 fullness of who God wants us to become and who He originally created us to be 831 00:54:49.440 --> 00:54:53.120 is going to be loving on and healing the little girl on the inside of us that 832 00:54:53.120 --> 00:54:58.720 experienced trauma and pain. And so one of the things I would recommend in 833 00:54:58.720 --> 00:55:02.080 this dynamic, because 834 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.280 She's saying, when she has these thoughts of fear of safety, 835 00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:08.960 she's also having a physical response, right? 836 00:55:08.960 --> 00:55:10.960 And then she said she grew up in a violent home. 837 00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:14.880 So it just leads me to believe that part 838 00:55:14.880 --> 00:55:17.840 of the fear of her health and stuff 839 00:55:17.840 --> 00:55:20.880 now is rooted all the way back. 840 00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:24.320 Now, again, there could be physical other reasons today. 841 00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:27.240 But what happened back there with that little girl, 842 00:55:27.240 --> 00:55:31.680 and where can God love on her right now in the next few days? 843 00:55:31.680 --> 00:55:34.720 And where can Wendy choose to love on her? 844 00:55:34.720 --> 00:55:36.400 And what I just heard is, well, Wendy, 845 00:55:36.400 --> 00:55:38.240 and I don't know if you ever felt like this, 846 00:55:38.240 --> 00:55:42.440 so you can tell me if it resonates or not, but like, 847 00:55:42.440 --> 00:55:45.520 did you ever get mad at yourself for any reason 848 00:55:45.520 --> 00:55:48.800 when this stuff would be happening? 849 00:55:48.800 --> 00:55:52.680 Mad because I need to snap out of it type of thing. 850 00:55:52.680 --> 00:55:54.840 Run and bear it. 851 00:55:54.840 --> 00:55:56.560 OK, so you just needed to snap out of it, 852 00:55:56.560 --> 00:55:58.560 even though you were in the middle of a really abusive 853 00:55:58.560 --> 00:56:00.280 situation, sounds like. 854 00:56:00.280 --> 00:56:04.760 You as a kid just needed to come on out of that thing. 855 00:56:04.760 --> 00:56:06.440 I coped by doing. 856 00:56:06.440 --> 00:56:09.160 I coped by fixing and doing. 857 00:56:09.160 --> 00:56:11.080 Yeah, so you all hear that? 858 00:56:11.080 --> 00:56:11.840 Yeah. 859 00:56:11.840 --> 00:56:13.640 So here's the thing. 860 00:56:13.640 --> 00:56:16.760 I really want to encourage you in the next few days 861 00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:22.360 to come out of alignment and agreement 862 00:56:22.360 --> 00:56:26.640 with when something is happening that's not good, 863 00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:29.360 I just need to snap out of it. 864 00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:32.240 And really give that little girl the space and the care 865 00:56:32.240 --> 00:56:38.400 that she deserves, because that's not even realistic, OK? 866 00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:41.480 So for example, these little kids, 867 00:56:41.480 --> 00:56:43.840 they're just living in trauma. 868 00:56:43.840 --> 00:56:47.640 And so you can't expect a kid living in trauma 869 00:56:47.640 --> 00:56:51.320 just to not be traumatized. 870 00:56:51.320 --> 00:56:53.240 It just doesn't work like that. 871 00:56:53.240 --> 00:56:56.920 And so what we have to do is we have to love them back to life. 872 00:56:56.920 --> 00:57:01.920 We have to love the little girl, Wendy, and be kind to her, 873 00:57:01.920 --> 00:57:06.640 and really help her see her value, 874 00:57:06.640 --> 00:57:11.280 and that she is loved back then. 875 00:57:11.280 --> 00:57:13.400 And so just the next few weeks. 876 00:57:13.400 --> 00:57:15.360 Yeah, go ahead. 877 00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:17.120 How do you get back to that little girl? 878 00:57:17.120 --> 00:57:20.680 Because I think that's part of the fear of getting married, 879 00:57:20.680 --> 00:57:22.800 is from that little girl. 880 00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:26.040 Yeah, and part of it is just like, ladies, 881 00:57:26.040 --> 00:57:30.360 sometimes what I'll do, and I haven't figured it all out. 882 00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:32.600 This is just things I've had to learn, 883 00:57:32.600 --> 00:57:34.160 and I've tried to implement. 884 00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:37.320 And so I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord first 885 00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:39.480 and foremost, what is something I 886 00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:41.760 can do to love the little girl on the inside of me? 887 00:57:41.760 --> 00:57:44.480 Because you need his wisdom more than even worldly wisdom, 888 00:57:44.480 --> 00:57:45.240 right? 889 00:57:45.240 --> 00:57:48.560 But all I can tell you is that I've paused sometimes 890 00:57:48.560 --> 00:57:53.200 and just pictured myself as a little girl, 891 00:57:53.200 --> 00:57:56.320 and just said, I love you, and I'm so proud of you. 892 00:57:56.320 --> 00:57:59.760 Or you were so brave. 893 00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:01.680 Like when I would think of a moment of something 894 00:58:01.680 --> 00:58:03.640 that happened, like even I've even 895 00:58:03.640 --> 00:58:06.000 gone to when I was a teenager, and when 896 00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:07.520 I told my mom about the abuse. 897 00:58:07.520 --> 00:58:10.160 And then she was mean to us the whole next day. 898 00:58:10.160 --> 00:58:13.840 I've told that version of myself a lot throughout my life. 899 00:58:13.840 --> 00:58:18.200 I'm so proud of you for being brave, even when it was hard. 900 00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:21.520 And just like honoring myself on the inside. 901 00:58:21.520 --> 00:58:24.280 And so for me, again, it helps me 902 00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:28.560 to picture myself at that time or in the situation that 903 00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:30.000 was happening. 904 00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:33.360 And just say whatever kind thing I feel led to say. 905 00:58:33.360 --> 00:58:35.960 But again, like praying and asking the Lord the way 906 00:58:35.960 --> 00:58:37.960 to do it for you is going to be really important, 907 00:58:37.960 --> 00:58:42.800 because it needs to be led by the spirit more than anything. 908 00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:44.720 You know what I'm saying? 909 00:58:45.320 --> 00:58:49.920 I've consulted with a natural doctor on some supplements. 910 00:58:49.920 --> 00:58:54.560 And I've also allowed myself to sleep more. 911 00:58:54.560 --> 00:58:57.760 Yeah, I think that's a great start. 912 00:58:57.760 --> 00:59:00.640 Yeah, giving yourself permission to rest, Wendy, 913 00:59:00.640 --> 00:59:03.040 just knowing you, I think is a huge win. 914 00:59:03.040 --> 00:59:04.400 And I think that's a great start. 915 00:59:04.400 --> 00:59:06.280 So let us know how this goes this week. 916 00:59:06.280 --> 00:59:08.400 I think this will be another next step for you 917 00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:11.080 in this process. 918 00:59:11.080 --> 00:59:13.560 Yeah, hoping it goes really well for you. 919 00:59:13.600 --> 00:59:15.440 I'm seeing a couple of things in the chat. 920 00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:18.600 A couple of people, Sherry said, being alone, single, 921 00:59:18.600 --> 00:59:19.880 I totally hear those concerns. 922 00:59:19.880 --> 00:59:21.920 They come and go for me. 923 00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:23.840 Amy said, I was sick in July for 10 days. 924 00:59:23.840 --> 00:59:25.280 Again, in August, it was crazy. 925 00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:29.440 Yeah, thank you so much. 926 00:59:29.440 --> 00:59:31.480 All right, people are kind of chiming in. 927 00:59:31.480 --> 00:59:34.240 Natalie said, I write letters to my inner child at times. 928 00:59:34.240 --> 00:59:35.840 I think that's a great idea. 929 00:59:35.840 --> 00:59:37.640 I think that is an awesome idea, Natalie. 930 00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:38.880 Thank you for sharing that. 931 00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:40.440 All right, Wendy, thanks for sharing. 932 00:59:40.440 --> 00:59:41.640 Appreciate you. 933 00:59:41.640 --> 00:59:42.600 Danielle, go ahead. 934 00:59:45.520 --> 00:59:48.560 I think, Safri, you had your hand up. 935 00:59:48.560 --> 00:59:49.760 Did you mean to put it down? 936 00:59:52.800 --> 00:59:55.000 Her hand just went down. 937 00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:57.920 Yeah, I put it down because it seemed like what 938 00:59:57.920 --> 01:00:00.640 she shared to Wendy. 939 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.840 flight to me. I wrote it down. Oh, cool. Okay. That's beautiful. All right. 940 01:00:07.840 --> 01:00:13.200 I just want to report last week, the coaching was so powerful. And I got to forgive my dad for a lot 941 01:00:13.200 --> 01:00:19.040 and my mom to for kind of like allowing and putting up with a lot of the things that happened 942 01:00:19.040 --> 01:00:23.520 in my family. So I just wanted to say thank you for that. And you're welcome. And then it led to 943 01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:30.000 the same, this crazy, fearful thought I still have. And it got triggered this weekend, because 944 01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:34.480 I went to a wedding and I was just being my authentic self. And I light up a room when I 945 01:00:34.480 --> 01:00:43.120 walk into it. And the photographer asked me out on a date. And I just told him, Hey, I'm not really 946 01:00:43.120 --> 01:00:46.960 dating right now. And he's like, Well, maybe I could just like catch you after the wedding, 947 01:00:46.960 --> 01:00:52.160 we could chat for a little bit. And I was like, you know, sure, we can if it works out. Great. 948 01:00:52.160 --> 01:00:58.320 Let's see. And it did. And he was he approached me exactly how I like to be approached, which is 949 01:00:58.320 --> 01:01:04.800 directly and confidently. And he was a man with a plan and a vision and had a bunch of questions 950 01:01:04.800 --> 01:01:10.560 for me. Anyways, I'm saying all this because it felt really nice to be pursued. And I feel like 951 01:01:10.560 --> 01:01:15.600 God's been like I've been being seen a lot more actually just this week, literally just this week. 952 01:01:16.240 --> 01:01:22.800 And I'm almost feeling really excited and ready to date again. And so anyways, I get to I get to 953 01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:26.880 talking with this man, you know, I got my non negotiables from the book club, you know, 954 01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:32.560 I had 70 preferences. Now I have six non negotiables. And I did that work before I got 955 01:01:32.560 --> 01:01:38.720 here. And so I'm talking with him. And you know, he's got y'all y'all he has five out of six non 956 01:01:38.720 --> 01:01:44.400 negotiables off of this 30 minute combo, whatever. And then we're talking about God. And I'm like, 957 01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:54.000 Oh, wait, he's a believer. And then come to find out. He's Muslim. And I just was so pissed off. 958 01:01:54.560 --> 01:02:00.960 And I left that night. And I was like, first of all, I did think because he was a 10 out of I 959 01:02:00.960 --> 01:02:06.240 said this on the prayer call today, he was a 10 out of 10 attraction to me. I don't this might be 960 01:02:06.240 --> 01:02:10.400 a limiting belief. I don't feel like I see a lot of 10 out of 10 attractive men. I have made that 961 01:02:10.400 --> 01:02:15.440 a preference. I understand attraction can grow. I go out with men I don't find attractive right 962 01:02:15.440 --> 01:02:21.040 away. I do. I've done that quite a few times. But I was like, dang, God, he was almost the package 963 01:02:21.040 --> 01:02:27.120 here. And then I have this thought again, well, you know, thank you for sexy men. But like, I 964 01:02:27.120 --> 01:02:32.400 already know, I'm probably gonna have to settle. You know, I'm probably gonna have to like choose, 965 01:02:32.400 --> 01:02:37.440 you know, between having all my preferences. I mean, having all my non negotiables, but none of 966 01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:42.880 my preferences. And I was like, I'm probably gonna still marry the wrong person. I'm gonna 967 01:02:42.880 --> 01:02:49.680 choose wrong. And I just kept thinking this in the last like two days, like, yeah, he's either 968 01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:54.240 going to be wealthy or unattractive. I can't have both or he's either gonna like be emotionally 969 01:02:54.240 --> 01:03:01.280 available, but spiritually immature, or he's gonna like be really sexy, but then like a Muslim. 970 01:03:01.760 --> 01:03:07.840 It's like, so here's the thing, I want to kind of help you flip the script a little bit. I can 971 01:03:07.840 --> 01:03:12.800 understand why that would be frustrating. I can. So that I remember what week of the 972 01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:19.280 hard work are you on? I just finished. I was gonna say I thought so. Okay. I just finished 973 01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:23.360 like, because, yeah, I stayed a little extra because I thought I was ready to go like two 974 01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:28.160 weeks ago. Yeah, you can. Yeah, that's totally fine. I just wanted to make sure I knew what 975 01:03:28.160 --> 01:03:32.560 week you were on. And I thought you had finished. I've completed it. That you stayed longer. 976 01:03:32.560 --> 01:03:38.960 I just wanted to so that I can know what place of the course you were on and be in the same mind 977 01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:43.040 frame as you. That's why I'm asking. So that makes sense. Here's the thing. 978 01:03:46.320 --> 01:03:53.520 I feel like God was actually showing you a glimpse of what is possible, but that you can 979 01:03:53.520 --> 01:04:00.400 also have all of those things and then be a Christian. But what is being revealed is that 980 01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:09.840 as soon as that happened, your go-to lies were, I'm pissed because, you know, here's this guy, 981 01:04:09.840 --> 01:04:13.760 he's got everything I want. And now I can't have him because he's a Muslim. 982 01:04:14.800 --> 01:04:20.240 It's that bait and switch. It's that trick. You know, we believe the Lord is dangling a carrot 983 01:04:20.320 --> 01:04:26.480 in front of our face and then, nope, you can't have it because this or that. And so we got to 984 01:04:26.480 --> 01:04:32.800 get to the root of that too for you, honestly, because, and again, I get it. You're like, 985 01:04:32.800 --> 01:04:38.640 I've not seen many 10 out of 10s. Well, here's the thing. You were looking with different eyes before. 986 01:04:41.200 --> 01:04:47.120 You were. And like, ladies, I want you to remember, like when we change, when we heal, 987 01:04:47.120 --> 01:04:52.720 we show up differently. We see differently. And when God starts showing us, like even this one 988 01:04:52.720 --> 01:04:57.440 guy, I think I told you guys last week, you know, you start going on dates and you like something 989 01:04:57.440 --> 01:04:59.840 about a guy, but then maybe it doesn't work out with that person. 990 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.440 or you just realize that's not the right person, you know, for different reasons. 991 01:05:06.440 --> 01:05:11.440 If we can look at it like, okay, while that person is not my person, these are the good 992 01:05:11.440 --> 01:05:13.200 qualities I saw in them. 993 01:05:13.200 --> 01:05:15.760 So these are the things I learned. 994 01:05:15.760 --> 01:05:18.680 These are the things I've realized I don't want. 995 01:05:18.680 --> 01:05:24.240 And then like we start seeing that God is revealing to us what is possible, okay, versus 996 01:05:24.240 --> 01:05:28.920 it being a negative of like, this is never going to happen for me. 997 01:05:28.920 --> 01:05:35.320 I'm going to have to settle because again, those are coming from core beliefs, really 998 01:05:35.320 --> 01:05:43.560 Danielle about what you believe about God and your parents probably, okay. 999 01:05:43.560 --> 01:05:47.760 So have you ever seen, I don't, this is what's coming up in my spirit, so I'm just going 1000 01:05:47.760 --> 01:05:50.800 to go with it and it might not resonate at all, but it could be for someone else. 1001 01:05:50.800 --> 01:05:51.800 I'm not sure. 1002 01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:57.840 But have you ever seen the movie Santa Claus with Tim Allen? 1003 01:05:57.920 --> 01:05:58.920 Not really. 1004 01:05:58.920 --> 01:05:59.920 No. 1005 01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:00.920 Okay. 1006 01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:06.600 Well, there's this scene in there where the Tim Allen's ex-wife and the guys she's married 1007 01:06:06.600 --> 01:06:09.160 to, they don't believe in Santa Claus. 1008 01:06:09.160 --> 01:06:13.080 Bear with me, kind of go track with me here because I'm going to be really good. 1009 01:06:13.080 --> 01:06:16.720 But like part of the reason they didn't believe in Santa Claus is because when they were little 1010 01:06:16.720 --> 01:06:23.080 kids, there were gifts that they wanted and then they didn't get them. 1011 01:06:23.080 --> 01:06:24.080 Oh. 1012 01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:32.920 And obviously I'm not comparing Santa Claus to God or Jesus, but I just think it's a great 1013 01:06:32.920 --> 01:06:40.960 visual to help us understand that sometimes we treat God the same way because there was 1014 01:06:40.960 --> 01:06:46.660 something that in the past we didn't get when we wanted it. 1015 01:06:46.660 --> 01:06:53.900 So then when something happens today, like this situation you went through, it's an automatic, 1016 01:06:54.720 --> 01:06:57.420 it's not just you're dealing with this thing in the moment right now, what's happening. 1017 01:06:57.420 --> 01:06:58.420 I really believe this. 1018 01:06:58.420 --> 01:07:04.440 I think this is linking back to old trauma or an old wound or pain. 1019 01:07:04.440 --> 01:07:07.520 When something you wanted, you didn't get it before. 1020 01:07:07.520 --> 01:07:09.140 And I don't even think it's someone you dated. 1021 01:07:09.140 --> 01:07:13.820 I think this is something back when you were younger. 1022 01:07:13.820 --> 01:07:17.740 And so does something come up for you? 1023 01:07:17.740 --> 01:07:18.740 Yeah. 1024 01:07:18.740 --> 01:07:21.740 Love and acceptance for who I was. 1025 01:07:21.740 --> 01:07:26.440 Because I like to say I'm the unicorn of the family. 1026 01:07:26.440 --> 01:07:29.900 I don't like to turn black sheep because I'm a white one. 1027 01:07:29.900 --> 01:07:30.900 Yeah. 1028 01:07:30.900 --> 01:07:37.580 But yeah, my parents really had a hard time parenting me at such a young age. 1029 01:07:37.580 --> 01:07:38.580 I'm just unicorn. 1030 01:07:38.580 --> 01:07:40.860 I'm just different from the rest of my family. 1031 01:07:40.860 --> 01:07:47.220 And I did see some of that correlation this week in my work, like, oh, not my dad controlled 1032 01:07:47.700 --> 01:07:49.940 me and was like, you have no choice, but you have to go to college. 1033 01:07:49.940 --> 01:07:54.740 And when I wanted to drop out, he took me off support at 19 and I became a full time 1034 01:07:54.740 --> 01:07:56.340 working girl. 1035 01:07:56.340 --> 01:08:01.580 And I mean, I parented my kids, my siblings growing up as well, because my mom's an alcoholic 1036 01:08:01.580 --> 01:08:05.820 and my dad was just physically abusive and emotionally not present. 1037 01:08:05.820 --> 01:08:09.060 So, you know, that's the whole thing, too, I think. 1038 01:08:09.060 --> 01:08:13.900 But I think I think I think I'm tired of not getting what I want. 1039 01:08:13.900 --> 01:08:18.100 I think I've been throwing little tantrums still and trying to love the little girl 1040 01:08:18.100 --> 01:08:19.100 in me. 1041 01:08:19.100 --> 01:08:21.740 But I'm like, well, it's been 17 years of waiting. 1042 01:08:21.740 --> 01:08:22.740 OK. 1043 01:08:22.740 --> 01:08:24.740 I just played a lot of. 1044 01:08:24.740 --> 01:08:25.740 Yeah. 1045 01:08:25.740 --> 01:08:29.340 But I want you to know, I don't think it's necessarily that you have to keep waiting. 1046 01:08:29.340 --> 01:08:34.460 I think that if you can shift that as well, that you're on your way to a good. 1047 01:08:34.460 --> 01:08:35.460 Yeah. 1048 01:08:35.460 --> 01:08:41.060 Like, ladies, super important, OK, because that puts us in the waiting room immediately. 1049 01:08:41.060 --> 01:08:43.620 Even when you guys are in the heartwork, I don't want you to think about it as you're 1050 01:08:44.340 --> 01:08:45.340 in the waiting room. 1051 01:08:45.340 --> 01:08:49.260 I want you to think it as you're on your way to your healing to go towards. 1052 01:08:49.260 --> 01:08:53.939 And so, Danielle, like the enemy, see, that's the thing that immediately tell you there. 1053 01:08:53.939 --> 01:08:55.620 There's no other good men here. 1054 01:08:55.620 --> 01:08:56.620 It is. 1055 01:08:56.620 --> 01:08:57.620 This guy's awesome. 1056 01:08:57.620 --> 01:08:58.620 And now he's Muslim. 1057 01:08:58.620 --> 01:09:02.540 He's trying to convince you that God is a trickster. 1058 01:09:02.540 --> 01:09:03.540 He is. 1059 01:09:03.540 --> 01:09:05.180 And so it's happening. 1060 01:09:05.180 --> 01:09:07.500 I'm not I can't I can't keep doing this. 1061 01:09:07.500 --> 01:09:08.500 Not working. 1062 01:09:08.500 --> 01:09:09.500 Well, it's OK. 1063 01:09:09.500 --> 01:09:10.500 But don't get hard on yourself. 1064 01:09:10.500 --> 01:09:11.500 OK. 1065 01:09:11.500 --> 01:09:16.300 So this, to me, is going to partner back with what your parents did and said to you. 1066 01:09:16.300 --> 01:09:19.819 And even though I understand why you called yourself a unicorn, something I think that 1067 01:09:19.819 --> 01:09:26.979 also came up in my spirit when you're talking, you said you had to parent your siblings. 1068 01:09:26.979 --> 01:09:33.540 OK, yeah, I think there's something to that that I would like you to explore a little 1069 01:09:33.540 --> 01:09:41.340 bit, maybe even being mad at God that your parents weren't being great parents. 1070 01:09:42.180 --> 01:09:44.380 I'm actually mad that he gave me my parents, though. 1071 01:09:44.380 --> 01:09:46.580 Yeah, I can I can relate with that. 1072 01:09:46.580 --> 01:09:49.380 I felt the same way a lot. 1073 01:09:49.380 --> 01:09:55.900 So I almost feel like have you done any forgiveness prayer sheets regarding forgiving God? 1074 01:09:55.900 --> 01:09:59.780 Yeah, I have on this very topic of life. 1075 01:09:59.780 --> 01:10:00.060 You know. 1076 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000 you said earlier, you know, God gives good gifts. And I wrote 1077 01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:08.440 down, you know, well, you know, I struggle with this because I 1078 01:10:08.440 --> 01:10:14.240 have my mom and dad as parents who hurt me a lot. Yeah. And so 1079 01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:16.960 I do wrestle with this, even though I have forgiven them, I 1080 01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:21.760 do accept where they are. But like, it's still very painful to 1081 01:10:21.760 --> 01:10:26.000 have parents who just I, yeah, I felt like an orphan for a long 1082 01:10:26.400 --> 01:10:31.080 Did you forgive God specifically for having to parent your 1083 01:10:31.080 --> 01:10:34.560 siblings? No, actually, I have not done that. I think that 1084 01:10:34.560 --> 01:10:37.880 would be good. I think it would be because I don't, again, I 1085 01:10:37.880 --> 01:10:40.040 don't know where all this is going to lead. But I feel like 1086 01:10:40.040 --> 01:10:44.520 that's a direct connection to this. I don't get what I need 1087 01:10:44.520 --> 01:10:50.400 and want. Okay. The fact that you also said, immediately, when 1088 01:10:50.400 --> 01:10:53.320 I asked you, is there something you didn't get? You said love 1089 01:10:53.320 --> 01:10:56.440 and acceptance for who I was your parent, you said my parents 1090 01:10:56.440 --> 01:11:01.280 couldn't parent me, I was a unicorn. While I appreciate, I 1091 01:11:01.280 --> 01:11:04.080 felt the same way as I never called myself a unicorn. But I 1092 01:11:04.080 --> 01:11:06.640 did feel like the black sheep, like the outsider, I was very, 1093 01:11:06.680 --> 01:11:11.480 I'm very different from my family. And I appreciate the 1094 01:11:11.480 --> 01:11:16.040 sentiment when we do it. But I think it's, it's taking you to 1095 01:11:16.040 --> 01:11:19.080 the point that you just feel like you can't even find a 1096 01:11:19.080 --> 01:11:24.880 person to your level. You know, I'm saying, so I actually think 1097 01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:26.840 you need to come out of alignment agreement with that 1098 01:11:26.840 --> 01:11:33.280 statement over yourself now. Wow. Because unicorns, guess 1099 01:11:33.280 --> 01:11:36.440 what, you can only find a unicorn. And it makes me think 1100 01:11:36.440 --> 01:11:39.920 of this thing. You guys get out of this. I had this coaching 1101 01:11:39.920 --> 01:11:43.320 session. This is a couple years back now. But it really helped 1102 01:11:43.320 --> 01:11:45.560 this lady because she kept saying she needed to find a 1103 01:11:45.560 --> 01:11:48.920 unicorn. She needed to find a unicorn. That's what she kept 1104 01:11:48.920 --> 01:11:50.960 saying to me. And I was like, hold up here. Let's work on 1105 01:11:50.960 --> 01:11:54.560 this a little bit. What I encouraged her to start 1106 01:11:54.560 --> 01:11:59.040 picturing was unicorns all over a map. And I literally create a 1107 01:11:59.040 --> 01:12:03.280 map for her with a bunch of unicorns on it. And I'm like 1108 01:12:03.280 --> 01:12:07.080 this, we got to get you to shift help you to heal and shift from 1109 01:12:07.080 --> 01:12:11.240 the idea that there's only one unicorn. There's this scarcity 1110 01:12:11.240 --> 01:12:15.880 mindset. There's not enough for us. There's not enough. And so 1111 01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:19.560 if we can shift from that place to being healed enough to 1112 01:12:19.560 --> 01:12:23.640 believe there's plenty. And so I sent her this map. And I just 1113 01:12:23.640 --> 01:12:27.120 said, I just need you to really work on partnering with there's 1114 01:12:27.120 --> 01:12:32.880 plenty of men. And because she was, you know, linking it to the 1115 01:12:32.880 --> 01:12:35.080 unicorn, I felt like that visual could really be kind of 1116 01:12:35.080 --> 01:12:37.880 something funny to help her. We all she's been in a really 1117 01:12:37.880 --> 01:12:42.000 healthy relationship, and it's going really well. And you know, 1118 01:12:42.000 --> 01:12:46.200 I think that's the thing. If we partner with scarcity, we're 1119 01:12:46.200 --> 01:12:49.800 going to walk into scarcity. And we're going to have a really 1120 01:12:49.800 --> 01:12:54.720 hard time finding anyone. So the first step for you is to come 1121 01:12:54.720 --> 01:12:59.640 out of alignment and agreement with I'm a unicorn. Nobody gets 1122 01:12:59.640 --> 01:13:04.600 me. My parents couldn't parent me. I whatever, whatever lies 1123 01:13:04.600 --> 01:13:08.200 you believed kind of pushing you to the outside where nobody 1124 01:13:08.200 --> 01:13:12.560 could ever relate to you. Nobody's on your level. Anything 1125 01:13:12.600 --> 01:13:15.720 at all that's related to that. Just keep coming out of 1126 01:13:15.720 --> 01:13:19.440 agreement with those things, those thoughts. Because it's 1127 01:13:19.440 --> 01:13:23.080 literally causing you to separate yourself from 1128 01:13:23.080 --> 01:13:29.080 everybody. To the point that you believe you're not going to be 1129 01:13:29.080 --> 01:13:32.800 able to find somebody who can run the race with you on your 1130 01:13:32.800 --> 01:13:36.200 caliber. Which isn't true. 1131 01:13:37.200 --> 01:13:40.720 No, I know. I got it. I know that, you know, in turn, no, no, 1132 01:13:40.720 --> 01:13:44.000 this is good. I mean, my mom referenced my birth again this 1133 01:13:44.000 --> 01:13:46.520 week. And she was like, I didn't know what to do with you since 1134 01:13:46.520 --> 01:13:51.160 birth. And it's just like, so triggering. I think still 1135 01:13:51.160 --> 01:13:53.240 hearing these statements of my mom and I went to therapy 1136 01:13:53.240 --> 01:13:57.040 together. And she's what she's referenced my birth a lot. And 1137 01:13:57.080 --> 01:14:00.600 I'm the difficult child. I was the one. She didn't know what to 1138 01:14:00.600 --> 01:14:04.000 do with, you know, I, yeah, there's a lot there. 1139 01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:10.240 I have another. Yeah, I want to give you one more. Sorry. One 1140 01:14:10.240 --> 01:14:10.840 more thing. 1141 01:14:17.040 --> 01:14:22.160 For anybody for anybody that you believe that you weren't wanted 1142 01:14:22.160 --> 01:14:26.680 or that you were a problem since birth. I really want to encourage 1143 01:14:26.680 --> 01:14:31.680 you this week to pray and ask Jesus to show you where he was 1144 01:14:31.720 --> 01:14:36.720 at when you were born. And what does he want to say over like, 1145 01:14:36.720 --> 01:14:41.320 what was he saying over you that he wants you to hear those two 1146 01:14:41.320 --> 01:14:44.160 specific things. And really, if you don't hear it right away, 1147 01:14:44.160 --> 01:14:47.720 that's okay. Just keep praying into it. You'll hear it. I had 1148 01:14:47.720 --> 01:14:51.080 someone lead me through this. It's called freedom prayer. And 1149 01:14:51.080 --> 01:14:53.920 that was one of the things they led me to do because my mom got 1150 01:14:53.920 --> 01:14:56.800 pregnant with me on birth control. My parents did not want 1151 01:14:56.800 --> 01:15:00.040 another kid. And my mom got pregnant with me 1152 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.680 And when I was a teenager, told me that she never wanted another kid, like yelled it and 1153 01:15:06.680 --> 01:15:08.000 screamed it at me in a parking lot. 1154 01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:11.120 It was totally embarrassing for all these people. 1155 01:15:11.120 --> 01:15:14.340 And that wounded me so deep. 1156 01:15:14.340 --> 01:15:20.520 And so when this person led me through that, I mean, oh, it was just this really miraculous 1157 01:15:20.520 --> 01:15:23.920 experience. 1158 01:15:23.920 --> 01:15:29.680 Like I saw Jesus like in the room when I was being born, and I just started hearing all 1159 01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:30.680 this stuff. 1160 01:15:30.680 --> 01:15:36.360 He was like, not that I could see Jesus's face, so to speak, but it was like I just 1161 01:15:36.360 --> 01:15:39.040 I could tell he was smiling. 1162 01:15:39.040 --> 01:15:43.680 And it just it just like rocked me to the core in a good way. 1163 01:15:43.680 --> 01:15:50.000 It was kind of like the first time I didn't feel rejected because he always wanted me. 1164 01:15:50.000 --> 01:15:53.240 That's why I'm here. 1165 01:15:53.240 --> 01:15:54.240 God wanted me. 1166 01:15:54.240 --> 01:15:55.720 He dreamed me up. 1167 01:15:55.720 --> 01:16:02.320 He created me like he and even, you know, us even partnering with the reality that God 1168 01:16:02.320 --> 01:16:03.320 is excited. 1169 01:16:03.320 --> 01:16:06.360 He was excited the day we were born when he was making us. 1170 01:16:06.360 --> 01:16:13.840 He was like, yes, I'm putting this in you and this like he he loves us. 1171 01:16:13.840 --> 01:16:18.440 And when we start leaning into those kind of things again, we get to the core. 1172 01:16:18.440 --> 01:16:22.040 See this, the steps we've been taking tonight here with Danielle, I believe this is helping 1173 01:16:22.040 --> 01:16:24.280 a lot of people. 1174 01:16:24.280 --> 01:16:25.720 Right. 1175 01:16:25.720 --> 01:16:29.600 Where we started with her, this is this is what I always find so fascinating about heartwork 1176 01:16:29.600 --> 01:16:31.200 and healing. 1177 01:16:31.200 --> 01:16:34.840 We started with what she got triggered about this week. 1178 01:16:34.840 --> 01:16:35.960 And look at where it's leading. 1179 01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:38.240 It's leading all the way back to her birth. 1180 01:16:38.240 --> 01:16:39.240 Who? 1181 01:16:39.240 --> 01:16:42.680 I mean, it's powerful. 1182 01:16:42.680 --> 01:16:44.120 It's powerful. 1183 01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:46.240 You are a gift. 1184 01:16:46.240 --> 01:16:51.600 God was so happy to make you and create you and bring you here. 1185 01:16:52.160 --> 01:16:55.960 You're not you're not someone who is misunderstood or unwanted. 1186 01:16:55.960 --> 01:16:58.800 You are important and you matter. 1187 01:16:58.800 --> 01:17:05.040 You matter to like I know for sure you matter to me, you matter to us as a community and 1188 01:17:05.040 --> 01:17:08.120 you matter to God immensely. 1189 01:17:08.120 --> 01:17:12.160 He has someone really good for you, Danielle. 1190 01:17:12.160 --> 01:17:13.400 He really does. 1191 01:17:13.400 --> 01:17:20.200 And you will know when the time is right, it won't feel like this big stress thing, 1192 01:17:20.200 --> 01:17:23.680 but the enemy is going to keep trying to get you to partner with God's just withholding 1193 01:17:23.680 --> 01:17:24.680 from you. 1194 01:17:24.680 --> 01:17:25.680 But you'll you'll get there. 1195 01:17:25.680 --> 01:17:32.000 If I can get there, I know other people can, because, you know, we overcome and then we 1196 01:17:32.000 --> 01:17:34.200 lead other people to overcome. 1197 01:17:34.200 --> 01:17:35.200 Right. 1198 01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:36.200 Yeah. 1199 01:17:36.200 --> 01:17:37.200 Yeah. 1200 01:17:37.200 --> 01:17:41.640 So maybe even look at some baby pictures of yourself and really lean into the heart of 1201 01:17:41.640 --> 01:17:47.600 it and just start thanking God for making you the way that you are, because he put these 1202 01:17:47.600 --> 01:17:48.960 gifts and abilities in you. 1203 01:17:48.960 --> 01:17:54.200 You're not you're not a mistake on any level. 1204 01:17:54.200 --> 01:17:58.560 Even when your parents didn't, you know, quote unquote, know what to do with you, God always 1205 01:17:58.560 --> 01:17:59.560 did. 1206 01:17:59.560 --> 01:18:05.200 And he's been guiding you and directing you and teaching you all these years. 1207 01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:09.600 So even when your mother and father forsook you, you know, the Bible talks about that. 1208 01:18:09.600 --> 01:18:10.600 He never did. 1209 01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:16.280 But see, the enemy tried to convince you that God even left you. 1210 01:18:16.280 --> 01:18:18.480 You know, again, it takes time. 1211 01:18:19.000 --> 01:18:20.000 You're doing a great job. 1212 01:18:20.000 --> 01:18:21.000 You really, really are. 1213 01:18:21.000 --> 01:18:22.000 Yeah. 1214 01:18:22.000 --> 01:18:23.000 Thank you. 1215 01:18:23.000 --> 01:18:24.000 Yeah. 1216 01:18:24.000 --> 01:18:25.000 You're welcome. 1217 01:18:25.000 --> 01:18:27.760 I'm so sorry that your mom said that stuff to you. 1218 01:18:27.760 --> 01:18:32.000 I think the last thing I'll say is. 1219 01:18:32.000 --> 01:18:39.520 I think I asked, like, why give me these parents like if I was just like so squashed and squandered 1220 01:18:39.520 --> 01:18:48.400 and just treated so terribly like all those years, you know, maybe I just. 1221 01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:52.600 I know that that's not a place of pain, you know, because I don't believe God makes mistakes 1222 01:18:52.600 --> 01:18:53.600 like I don't. 1223 01:18:53.600 --> 01:18:56.480 I know he had me and my family for a reason. 1224 01:18:56.480 --> 01:18:59.160 It's just I think I get sad still about it. 1225 01:18:59.160 --> 01:19:05.240 Like, what if I was raised by parents who, like, loved and cared for me and accepted 1226 01:19:05.240 --> 01:19:10.360 me, you know, and pushed me into a direction of my gifts instead of squashed me into, you 1227 01:19:10.360 --> 01:19:12.400 know, their world or whatever. 1228 01:19:12.400 --> 01:19:13.400 But. 1229 01:19:13.400 --> 01:19:14.400 Yeah. 1230 01:19:14.400 --> 01:19:15.400 And I can relate to that, too. 1231 01:19:15.480 --> 01:19:22.880 It's I still have moments because, like, both of my parents are deceased now and even like 1232 01:19:22.880 --> 01:19:28.000 I just sometimes feel sad because, like, you know, other people have all this family and 1233 01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:31.760 stuff and I'm like even my siblings, like I'm not close to any of them and I just feel 1234 01:19:31.760 --> 01:19:32.760 sad about it. 1235 01:19:32.760 --> 01:19:33.760 That's normal. 1236 01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:34.760 Yeah. 1237 01:19:34.760 --> 01:19:35.760 OK. 1238 01:19:35.760 --> 01:19:38.960 But God, God meets us in our sadness, in our moments. 1239 01:19:38.960 --> 01:19:39.960 That's hard. 1240 01:19:40.680 --> 01:19:45.440 And, you know, I want you to kind of even look up the scriptures about orphans, even 1241 01:19:45.440 --> 01:19:48.800 though you had parents, sometimes we can feel like an orphan. 1242 01:19:48.800 --> 01:19:50.880 Yeah, I've related with that. 1243 01:19:50.880 --> 01:19:51.880 Yeah. 1244 01:19:51.880 --> 01:19:57.080 And there's one that just talks about, like, how much God fights for orphans and widows 1245 01:19:57.080 --> 01:20:00.000 specifically, like he actually. 1246 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.960 fights for us. And so I don't always know why, you know, things happen the way they do. I don't 1247 01:20:08.960 --> 01:20:15.200 fully understand why I got born into the family I was born into either. But what I do know is that 1248 01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:24.080 God has absolutely taken everything I've been through and it's made me like, I just think all 1249 01:20:24.080 --> 01:20:30.080 the time about what I get to do now. Like here I get to not be judging you. I'm not saying God 1250 01:20:30.080 --> 01:20:37.120 intended that for me. God didn't want me to be harmed, but he's using it, right? And the thing 1251 01:20:37.120 --> 01:20:44.320 is, is that I think God intended for your parents to be different, Danielle. But he can't force your 1252 01:20:44.320 --> 01:20:52.000 parents to choose well, right? He gives them will too. And so I don't want us to always partner, 1253 01:20:52.080 --> 01:20:59.600 at least for me. I had to choose to really see that God was always trying to lead my parents 1254 01:20:59.600 --> 01:21:06.000 to a healthier place too. But they just unfortunately didn't choose to walk fully into 1255 01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:12.080 that. So instead of it feeling like God just tortured us by putting us into a terrible family, 1256 01:21:12.960 --> 01:21:17.040 like when we can shift and understand God was always inviting them into love too. 1257 01:21:18.000 --> 01:21:23.760 Think about all the sins and things we've fallen into or done and God invited us into healing, 1258 01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:29.840 didn't he? Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I mean, so I'm confident that God was calling my parents 1259 01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:36.320 into a better place too. They just unfortunately didn't choose that. I mean, my dad had his entire, 1260 01:21:36.320 --> 01:21:40.160 the rest of his life, even after he got sober to be in relationship with me, 1261 01:21:41.120 --> 01:21:46.880 he didn't choose to. I think his own shame and guilt and condemnation just kept him from 1262 01:21:46.880 --> 01:21:53.520 entering into that place that God had for him and the place that God had for us. And that sucks. 1263 01:21:54.320 --> 01:22:00.960 It really does. But I've also just tried to partner with God. Thank you for all these other 1264 01:22:00.960 --> 01:22:06.960 people that you've brought into my life. I have spiritual fathers. I have friends. 1265 01:22:06.960 --> 01:22:11.440 I have family that are closer to me than my actual family. And I just, it's hard sometimes, 1266 01:22:11.440 --> 01:22:16.160 especially on holidays, but I just try to partner with the good and hold on to that. 1267 01:22:17.360 --> 01:22:21.280 Okay. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. 1268 01:22:21.280 --> 01:22:26.160 You're welcome. Hey, you guys, I just think it's super important to always understand that 1269 01:22:27.120 --> 01:22:34.960 again, the enemy is going to try to come in to those core areas to try to break down our view 1270 01:22:34.960 --> 01:22:42.960 of God. So when we can get to the root of those, it can also squash the fear and anxiety as well. 1271 01:22:42.960 --> 01:22:45.840 Melissa, is it Grovijohn? Is that how you say it? 1272 01:22:46.960 --> 01:22:47.760 Grovijohn. 1273 01:22:48.480 --> 01:22:50.800 Grovijohn. I love it. Go ahead. 1274 01:22:50.800 --> 01:22:51.280 It's okay. 1275 01:22:52.160 --> 01:22:58.560 Okay. So something that was coming up, like when I was in my group is, and recently, 1276 01:22:59.280 --> 01:23:07.200 I feel like when I get really close to this certain point in a relationship, something happens 1277 01:23:07.200 --> 01:23:12.640 and it gets taken away and it's triggering. And I don't even know how to explain it. 1278 01:23:13.440 --> 01:23:19.920 And then I just feel like I also have a fear of people not making time for me and not being 1279 01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:23.600 a priority. And so that's kind of where I'm at. 1280 01:23:23.760 --> 01:23:32.640 So thank you for sharing that. I think just a lot of what I shared already can apply here 1281 01:23:32.640 --> 01:23:39.040 for you as well. But specifically when you said people won't make time for me, 1282 01:23:41.200 --> 01:23:43.760 it doesn't always lead back to our parents, but I think in your case, 1283 01:23:43.760 --> 01:23:47.760 it probably might as well. Did your parents make time for you, Melissa? 1284 01:23:48.240 --> 01:23:54.800 Yeah. I feel like my parents did for the most part. I feel like I did have a babysitter growing 1285 01:23:54.800 --> 01:24:03.440 up, though, that pretty much would just leave me by myself with her son. And then if I cried, 1286 01:24:03.440 --> 01:24:09.840 would put me just off by myself and not with other people. So yeah, I don't remember her 1287 01:24:10.720 --> 01:24:17.200 being present at all. So I don't tie it back as much to my parents as to another caregiver, 1288 01:24:17.200 --> 01:24:20.720 if that makes sense. It does make sense. Yeah. Because those are people 1289 01:24:20.720 --> 01:24:23.280 I was like, God. We're supposed to be able to trust too. 1290 01:24:25.040 --> 01:24:27.760 How old were you when that happened? Were you a baby then? 1291 01:24:27.760 --> 01:24:29.920 I was like, five. 1292 01:24:30.640 --> 01:24:33.680 Was this something that you told your parents about? 1293 01:24:35.680 --> 01:24:43.600 I think I did eventually. I don't remember exactly. And I wish that I could have advocated 1294 01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:51.440 for myself more. But yeah, I know. But it's like, yeah, I was five. But I remember one time if my 1295 01:24:52.000 --> 01:24:57.200 eyes were watering because of asthma, I would go to my mom and I would go to my dad and I would 1296 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.100 like making sure that I like told her that so then she wouldn't think I was 1297 01:25:05.100 --> 01:25:12.820 crying. I do have a specific memory of that and then like yeah the babysitter. 1298 01:25:12.820 --> 01:25:16.700 So you didn't want her to think you were crying because when you cried she put 1299 01:25:16.700 --> 01:25:23.380 you by yourself? Yeah. So have you had other people that you felt like in your 1300 01:25:23.380 --> 01:25:28.100 life after that time that wouldn't make time for you? 1301 01:25:29.100 --> 01:25:38.660 I'm sure I have. Like time together is a really big thing to me. I'm not exactly 1302 01:25:38.660 --> 01:25:43.820 sure what the origin of that is but like I feel loved if people spend time with 1303 01:25:43.820 --> 01:25:47.420 me and like especially if they say they're going to but like if they say 1304 01:25:47.420 --> 01:25:53.420 they are going to and then they don't. Even with like a guy that I've been 1305 01:25:53.420 --> 01:26:01.020 seeing lately that I met in between the book club and here like there's been 1306 01:26:01.020 --> 01:26:05.820 like some miscommunication stuff like that and so like that's been painful 1307 01:26:05.820 --> 01:26:11.260 lately so and it's also complicated because he has a traumatic brain injury 1308 01:26:11.260 --> 01:26:18.780 from 16 years ago and so it gets it's like I know he means well but like 1309 01:26:18.780 --> 01:26:23.060 sometimes he like legitimately forgets or like it doesn't realize that he 1310 01:26:23.060 --> 01:26:31.700 accidentally double booked himself so yeah. Yeah okay so one of the things I 1311 01:26:31.700 --> 01:26:37.820 think just kind of as you're saying some of that I think one of the things that I 1312 01:26:37.820 --> 01:26:43.780 would encourage you to really lean into is number one quality time is one of our 1313 01:26:43.780 --> 01:26:52.700 love languages okay so we tend to have certain love languages that we need from 1314 01:26:52.700 --> 01:26:56.740 people and that's when our tank fills filled. Sounds like quality time. Yeah. 1315 01:26:56.740 --> 01:27:01.420 Of yours okay so that's why that's showing up for you so just wanted to 1316 01:27:01.420 --> 01:27:08.420 make you aware of that. Do you know much about your parents history Melissa? Not 1317 01:27:08.420 --> 01:27:11.780 that you need to dig but I'm just curious do you know what your parents 1318 01:27:11.780 --> 01:27:16.860 went through at all? Like were they left alone or abandoned in situations when 1319 01:27:16.860 --> 01:27:26.220 they were kids? My mom's dad died when she was 13 of a heart issue so and I 1320 01:27:26.220 --> 01:27:29.540 think that's probably affected her in ways that she doesn't know and then I 1321 01:27:29.540 --> 01:27:34.660 know my dad was bullied in school because of a really dumb reason of them 1322 01:27:34.660 --> 01:27:40.740 thinking that he his head was too big so yeah just coming up with crazy reasons 1323 01:27:40.860 --> 01:27:47.540 to not not accept people I guess maybe. Yeah the reason I asked that specifically 1324 01:27:47.540 --> 01:27:52.380 is I feel like this this people won't make time for you well while that stuff 1325 01:27:52.380 --> 01:27:55.860 with the babysitter probably is very relevant so I would encourage you to 1326 01:27:55.860 --> 01:28:00.420 write a forgiveness prayer sheet and forgive that babysitter anything that 1327 01:28:00.420 --> 01:28:04.740 comes up in your spirit that you remember that she did that caused you to 1328 01:28:04.740 --> 01:28:13.020 feel like you know any lack of love or excuse me guys or care just forgiving 1329 01:28:13.020 --> 01:28:17.460 her but then I just I keep feeling like this might be linked back to something 1330 01:28:17.460 --> 01:28:21.500 your family went through as well because remember ladies sometimes it is just us 1331 01:28:21.500 --> 01:28:26.020 and what we've experienced but sometimes it is gonna be something that our 1332 01:28:26.020 --> 01:28:30.140 parents or even grandparents experience that is coming down and like when it 1333 01:28:30.140 --> 01:28:34.060 comes down through the generations we can experience it like when it happens 1334 01:28:34.380 --> 01:28:40.740 it can increase that wound if you will that stronghold and so I'm not saying a 1335 01:28:40.740 --> 01:28:44.220 no for sure but as soon as I asked you about your parents you're saying to me 1336 01:28:44.220 --> 01:28:51.180 that your mom's dad died when she was 13 and so you don't need to dig but I would 1337 01:28:51.180 --> 01:28:55.580 just be I would encourage you just to ask the Lord just kind of lightly do the 1338 01:28:55.580 --> 01:29:00.460 forgiveness prayer sheet towards that babysitter but ask the Lord this week if 1339 01:29:00.540 --> 01:29:04.660 there's anything he wants to show you regarding your mom's dad dying and like 1340 01:29:04.660 --> 01:29:11.780 maybe some things your mom felt because the strong people won't make time for me 1341 01:29:11.780 --> 01:29:17.580 can those kind of things can come out of someone passing away and leaving because 1342 01:29:17.580 --> 01:29:23.500 some people even though the person passed away the enemy will lie to them 1343 01:29:23.500 --> 01:29:30.180 and basically tell them that they were abandoned and then if that goes I mean 1344 01:29:30.180 --> 01:29:33.860 if you think about it people not making time for us lead that leans into 1345 01:29:33.860 --> 01:29:39.420 neglect abandonment rejection those kind of three kind of things and so pray into 1346 01:29:39.420 --> 01:29:43.300 that and let's see where that leads you I feel like just as the Lord kind of 1347 01:29:43.300 --> 01:29:47.100 unpacks that I think you'll you'll have more to come back and share about but 1348 01:29:47.100 --> 01:29:52.140 let's just see where this leads okay yeah I think that my uncle my mom's 1349 01:29:52.140 --> 01:29:56.020 brother had said something about that like feeling like that he was abandoned 1350 01:29:56.020 --> 01:30:02.020 but by his dad I was like when you said that 1351 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.760 Like, it sounds like what uncle Randy had said, like almost. 1352 01:30:05.760 --> 01:30:07.320 Yeah, that's her younger brother. 1353 01:30:07.320 --> 01:30:08.760 He was like 10. 1354 01:30:10.640 --> 01:30:10.960 Yeah. 1355 01:30:11.880 --> 01:30:15.760 If you guys grew up around, because if they felt that way again, like 1356 01:30:15.760 --> 01:30:19.440 whatever we feel and experience on the inside, we're carrying that 1357 01:30:19.880 --> 01:30:21.920 into every relationship we're in. 1358 01:30:21.920 --> 01:30:22.360 Right. 1359 01:30:22.800 --> 01:30:27.080 And so if we were rejected, abandoned, neglected, we're going to convey 1360 01:30:27.080 --> 01:30:28.680 that through things we say and do. 1361 01:30:29.280 --> 01:30:30.560 And so pray into that. 1362 01:30:30.560 --> 01:30:33.520 Let's, let's see again where the Lord's going to lead you in that. 1363 01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:35.560 And then we'll go from there. 1364 01:30:35.560 --> 01:30:36.080 Okay. 1365 01:30:36.720 --> 01:30:37.000 Okay. 1366 01:30:37.000 --> 01:30:38.040 Thank you so much, Bethany. 1367 01:30:38.360 --> 01:30:39.240 You're welcome. 1368 01:30:39.920 --> 01:30:41.200 Tatiana, go ahead. 1369 01:30:45.360 --> 01:30:48.480 I lost you on my screen for a, I was muted. 1370 01:30:48.920 --> 01:30:49.440 Um, okay. 1371 01:30:49.440 --> 01:30:50.280 So I'm outside. 1372 01:30:50.440 --> 01:30:52.280 I want to show you my new car. 1373 01:30:53.960 --> 01:30:55.080 Awesome. 1374 01:30:55.840 --> 01:30:56.160 Yeah. 1375 01:30:56.160 --> 01:31:03.520 So we already, you already know, like a little bit about what's going on. 1376 01:31:08.240 --> 01:31:08.440 Okay. 1377 01:31:08.440 --> 01:31:13.640 This isn't going to be, this is a big deal for those of you that are brand new. 1378 01:31:13.640 --> 01:31:19.400 She's been walking through a lot and her mom took her car away as 1379 01:31:19.400 --> 01:31:20.960 kind of like a punishment thing. 1380 01:31:20.960 --> 01:31:23.920 And so that's kind of why this is really important. 1381 01:31:26.520 --> 01:31:26.760 Yeah. 1382 01:31:26.760 --> 01:31:27.840 So can you hear me now? 1383 01:31:28.560 --> 01:31:28.960 Yeah. 1384 01:31:29.000 --> 01:31:30.920 We're, you're a little breaking up, but that's okay. 1385 01:31:31.680 --> 01:31:32.160 All right. 1386 01:31:32.600 --> 01:31:32.840 Yeah. 1387 01:31:32.840 --> 01:31:34.120 So I just wanted to share that. 1388 01:31:34.160 --> 01:31:37.920 Um, it's, I ended up getting a scholarship that came through late. 1389 01:31:37.920 --> 01:31:44.480 So, um, Oh, somebody's saying something to her. 1390 01:31:44.480 --> 01:31:46.600 So, okay. 1391 01:31:46.600 --> 01:31:49.040 Can you, can you hear me still being outside? 1392 01:31:49.040 --> 01:31:50.600 It's kind of tricky, but okay. 1393 01:31:50.600 --> 01:31:53.400 So my school ended up getting paid for completely by scholarships. 1394 01:31:53.440 --> 01:31:57.040 And I had a scholarship that came in late that helped pay for the car. 1395 01:31:57.640 --> 01:32:02.240 Um, so it's paid off and it's just such a like crazy blessing. 1396 01:32:02.760 --> 01:32:04.760 Um, so yeah. 1397 01:32:04.800 --> 01:32:09.240 And during that time it was, there was like a month that I just didn't have a 1398 01:32:09.240 --> 01:32:12.240 vehicle and it was so crazy and stressful. 1399 01:32:12.760 --> 01:32:16.800 Um, especially like with, I got a new position at school and so I've been 1400 01:32:16.800 --> 01:32:20.400 pulling some 12 hour work days and like being in school full time. 1401 01:32:21.000 --> 01:32:25.800 Um, and so, yeah, it's, I'm going to share on faith Friday, but I wanted to 1402 01:32:25.800 --> 01:32:29.120 show you, cause I didn't know if you would be there then, um, and it's just 1403 01:32:29.120 --> 01:32:31.920 so crazy cause it's like, I don't, I don't deserve any of this. 1404 01:32:32.040 --> 01:32:35.200 And even as I've been like trying to do the hard work, I've been 1405 01:32:35.200 --> 01:32:37.160 getting like distracted at times. 1406 01:32:37.200 --> 01:32:39.840 And I, I like made a post about that not too long ago. 1407 01:32:40.000 --> 01:32:44.640 Um, and so I just, I'm just, I feel like learning to receive 1408 01:32:44.640 --> 01:32:47.560 grace right now for everything. 1409 01:32:48.280 --> 01:32:49.040 It's so good. 1410 01:32:49.200 --> 01:32:50.960 So, Hey, do me a favor. 1411 01:32:50.960 --> 01:32:53.360 Can you take a picture of your car and post it in the group? 1412 01:32:53.400 --> 01:32:55.840 Because we weren't able to see it, if that's okay. 1413 01:32:56.760 --> 01:32:57.160 Oh man. 1414 01:32:57.160 --> 01:32:58.000 Yeah, I can do that. 1415 01:32:58.640 --> 01:32:59.320 That would be awesome. 1416 01:32:59.320 --> 01:33:02.160 But I'm so glad you even, um, you shared it with us. 1417 01:33:02.480 --> 01:33:06.040 And so ladies, she was praying for money for school and a car. 1418 01:33:06.080 --> 01:33:08.000 Both of those things have been answered. 1419 01:33:08.600 --> 01:33:12.280 Um, you know, sometimes it doesn't happen as fast as it did for her, but this is 1420 01:33:12.280 --> 01:33:17.680 where, again, when stuff happens, if we partner with God is not there for us, 1421 01:33:17.680 --> 01:33:22.160 I'm abandoned, you know, just things get taken, then that is what 1422 01:33:22.160 --> 01:33:23.680 is going to continue to unfold. 1423 01:33:23.680 --> 01:33:28.240 But if we instead pause and just like, okay, Lord, this is 1424 01:33:28.240 --> 01:33:30.640 really hard, but I trust you. 1425 01:33:31.600 --> 01:33:35.720 So like even our family, like, of course, like, I mean, our 1426 01:33:35.920 --> 01:33:37.480 brother-in-law tragically died. 1427 01:33:37.480 --> 01:33:38.880 This is very unexpected. 1428 01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:39.880 It's so hard. 1429 01:33:41.640 --> 01:33:45.600 I don't think that's what God intended necessarily for that accident to happen, 1430 01:33:45.600 --> 01:33:48.080 but he's with Jesus now in heaven. 1431 01:33:48.120 --> 01:33:52.640 And we trust God with the next part of the story, right? 1432 01:33:53.160 --> 01:33:53.920 God is good. 1433 01:33:53.920 --> 01:33:57.640 Even in the hard Tatiana, I'm so excited for you. 1434 01:33:57.640 --> 01:34:01.320 And, you know, she said something, I don't deserve any of this. 1435 01:34:01.800 --> 01:34:07.120 Well, yes, I think just in general, we, you know, grace is unmerited favor. 1436 01:34:07.120 --> 01:34:11.760 That means we don't deserve it, but I just want to make sure that all of you hear me 1437 01:34:11.760 --> 01:34:15.040 say this, because this is where the enemy also tries to convince us. 1438 01:34:15.040 --> 01:34:21.240 We don't deserve things, but see, remember earlier, I was talking about these kids 1439 01:34:21.240 --> 01:34:25.360 that aren't even ours and how excited I was just to go shop and just to get them 1440 01:34:25.360 --> 01:34:31.000 some stuff that I thought that they would really like bottom little, little comfort 1441 01:34:31.000 --> 01:34:34.680 toy, like stuffy plush things to try to help them calm down. 1442 01:34:35.120 --> 01:34:36.280 That felt good to me. 1443 01:34:36.280 --> 01:34:40.360 I was excited to do that for them and they're not my kids. 1444 01:34:40.800 --> 01:34:44.040 So imagine what it feels like when we want to just do that for our kids. 1445 01:34:44.040 --> 01:34:46.280 Some of you are parents, you know what that feels like. 1446 01:34:46.680 --> 01:34:51.560 And God feels that 10, I'm just, I don't know, maybe a hundred times more, but 1447 01:34:51.560 --> 01:34:54.000 just, he feels it so much more for us. 1448 01:34:54.880 --> 01:35:00.040 So while we may not believe we deserve things, he's just like, I'm, I'm good. 1449 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.240 and I want to do something good for you." 1450 01:35:03.560 --> 01:35:05.320 And that is who he is. 1451 01:35:05.320 --> 01:35:06.600 Thank you for sharing, Tatiana. 1452 01:35:06.600 --> 01:35:07.720 Jess, go ahead. 1453 01:35:08.880 --> 01:35:10.160 Hi, thanks. 1454 01:35:10.160 --> 01:35:14.560 So I'm in the last week of my phase one. 1455 01:35:14.560 --> 01:35:15.400 Yeah. 1456 01:35:15.400 --> 01:35:17.840 And I've been going through like tons 1457 01:35:17.840 --> 01:35:20.080 of forgiveness and healing, 1458 01:35:20.080 --> 01:35:23.680 and I've been recognizing areas of breakthrough 1459 01:35:23.680 --> 01:35:27.920 because of those areas that I didn't even see coming 1460 01:35:27.920 --> 01:35:29.400 where I was like, wow, I didn't know 1461 01:35:29.400 --> 01:35:30.920 that was, you know. 1462 01:35:30.920 --> 01:35:32.680 So I've been feeling really ready for phase two, 1463 01:35:32.680 --> 01:35:35.680 but as I've come into this week, 1464 01:35:35.680 --> 01:35:38.440 I've been hit with tons of fear and anxiety 1465 01:35:38.440 --> 01:35:40.720 of going into phase two, 1466 01:35:40.720 --> 01:35:44.960 and not knowing what it entails, 1467 01:35:44.960 --> 01:35:48.040 and, you know, facing dating, 1468 01:35:48.040 --> 01:35:50.760 because I haven't dated in a really long time, 1469 01:35:50.760 --> 01:35:55.360 and just feeling like, what if no one wants me? 1470 01:35:55.360 --> 01:35:58.320 What if, like, I don't look right? 1471 01:35:58.320 --> 01:36:00.440 Or, you know, because I've struggled with my weight 1472 01:36:00.440 --> 01:36:03.320 for most of my life through health concerns. 1473 01:36:03.320 --> 01:36:07.200 And so I'm like, I get scared 1474 01:36:07.200 --> 01:36:08.600 that I'm also going to have to settle 1475 01:36:08.600 --> 01:36:13.600 because of my shortcomings, you know, things like that. 1476 01:36:13.600 --> 01:36:14.440 Yeah. 1477 01:36:14.440 --> 01:36:16.040 I'm going to look up a scripture really quick for you. 1478 01:36:16.040 --> 01:36:16.880 Hold on one second. 1479 01:36:16.880 --> 01:36:19.160 I just need to pull up this specific version. 1480 01:36:21.320 --> 01:36:23.880 Thank you so much for sharing that with us. 1481 01:36:23.880 --> 01:36:24.840 Give me one second. 1482 01:36:24.840 --> 01:36:26.560 I'm almost there. 1483 01:36:26.560 --> 01:36:28.040 315. 1484 01:36:28.040 --> 01:36:28.880 Nope. 1485 01:36:31.960 --> 01:36:32.800 Sorry. 1486 01:36:32.800 --> 01:36:34.120 Of course I'm not typing right. 1487 01:36:39.600 --> 01:36:40.920 All right, I'm going to read that in a second 1488 01:36:40.920 --> 01:36:41.840 and pull that up. 1489 01:36:43.680 --> 01:36:45.760 Number one, thanks for sharing that with us. 1490 01:36:45.760 --> 01:36:47.560 So brave to do that. 1491 01:36:47.560 --> 01:36:49.720 I want you to know also that you're, 1492 01:36:49.720 --> 01:36:51.240 number two, you're not alone. 1493 01:36:51.240 --> 01:36:54.880 A lot of people struggle with fear to move on. 1494 01:36:54.880 --> 01:36:56.080 I have people that were like, 1495 01:36:56.080 --> 01:36:56.920 that will tell me, 1496 01:36:56.920 --> 01:36:58.480 I just want to stay in heartwork forever. 1497 01:36:58.480 --> 01:37:00.360 No, you don't have to do that. 1498 01:37:00.360 --> 01:37:01.280 But here's the thing. 1499 01:37:01.280 --> 01:37:03.240 You're going to have heartwork all through the course. 1500 01:37:03.240 --> 01:37:04.080 You're going to have, 1501 01:37:04.080 --> 01:37:06.400 we do advanced heartwork even in the other phases. 1502 01:37:06.400 --> 01:37:08.440 I lead those most of the time. 1503 01:37:08.440 --> 01:37:10.120 Sometimes other people will. 1504 01:37:10.120 --> 01:37:11.880 But so just know that ladies, 1505 01:37:11.880 --> 01:37:13.000 you're going to, we're going to have, 1506 01:37:13.000 --> 01:37:14.800 heartwork is a lifestyle. 1507 01:37:14.800 --> 01:37:16.440 And so we try to teach everyone 1508 01:37:16.440 --> 01:37:18.280 to continue to use the tools. 1509 01:37:18.280 --> 01:37:20.920 Number two, part of it is just not knowing what's coming. 1510 01:37:20.920 --> 01:37:22.040 So I'll just let you guys know, 1511 01:37:22.040 --> 01:37:24.200 Love Story, we call phase two right now, 1512 01:37:24.200 --> 01:37:25.760 Love Story Accelerator. 1513 01:37:25.800 --> 01:37:28.320 As we're revamping all of our community and program, 1514 01:37:28.320 --> 01:37:30.960 I'm not sure exactly if it'll all be called the same 1515 01:37:30.960 --> 01:37:32.120 in the future, but, 1516 01:37:33.320 --> 01:37:35.440 you know, you're going to have amazing coaches in there. 1517 01:37:35.440 --> 01:37:38.320 We've trained them in the heartwork as well. 1518 01:37:38.320 --> 01:37:41.320 Carla and Ebony, they're fantastic. 1519 01:37:41.320 --> 01:37:44.880 And you're going to learn about online dating. 1520 01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:47.320 You're going to learn about boundaries specific 1521 01:37:47.320 --> 01:37:49.000 to dating and relationships. 1522 01:37:49.000 --> 01:37:51.280 You're going to learn about divine feminine. 1523 01:37:51.280 --> 01:37:52.240 You're going to learn like, 1524 01:37:52.240 --> 01:37:54.000 what does it mean how to walk that out? 1525 01:37:54.000 --> 01:37:55.400 You're going to learn about, 1526 01:37:56.520 --> 01:37:57.520 I should know these better. 1527 01:37:57.520 --> 01:37:59.280 I haven't had to list them for a while, 1528 01:37:59.280 --> 01:38:00.560 but there's just a lot of good things. 1529 01:38:00.560 --> 01:38:02.440 There's a couple other kind of key things 1530 01:38:02.440 --> 01:38:03.480 we hone in on there, 1531 01:38:04.320 --> 01:38:05.680 but you're going to have coaches 1532 01:38:05.680 --> 01:38:07.640 in community to walk with you. 1533 01:38:07.640 --> 01:38:09.880 I will say this, when you all get into that phase, 1534 01:38:09.880 --> 01:38:12.400 it's important to come in and post about your dates 1535 01:38:12.400 --> 01:38:13.520 and what you're experiencing, 1536 01:38:13.520 --> 01:38:15.920 or even if you're trying to talk to someone 1537 01:38:15.920 --> 01:38:17.200 and if you're struggling with something. 1538 01:38:17.200 --> 01:38:19.480 So isolation is never going to be your friend. 1539 01:38:19.480 --> 01:38:20.320 Okay. 1540 01:38:20.440 --> 01:38:24.080 But then I also want to say to you, 1541 01:38:24.080 --> 01:38:25.880 what is the fear? 1542 01:38:25.880 --> 01:38:27.880 You said, what if nobody wants you? 1543 01:38:27.880 --> 01:38:29.240 So that was one of the fears 1544 01:38:29.240 --> 01:38:30.480 and anxieties that were coming up. 1545 01:38:30.480 --> 01:38:31.880 What are some of the others? 1546 01:38:34.640 --> 01:38:36.320 That like, I wouldn't, 1547 01:38:37.680 --> 01:38:38.520 I guess it would be like, 1548 01:38:38.520 --> 01:38:39.640 because I would have to settle 1549 01:38:39.640 --> 01:38:41.400 because of my shortcomings. 1550 01:38:41.400 --> 01:38:43.600 That's right. That's right. 1551 01:38:43.600 --> 01:38:44.440 Okay. 1552 01:38:45.240 --> 01:38:48.240 So let me kind of, let's work on, 1553 01:38:50.720 --> 01:38:51.560 hmm. 1554 01:38:51.560 --> 01:38:53.280 Let's work on the first one, I think, 1555 01:38:53.280 --> 01:38:54.400 even though the settle, 1556 01:38:54.400 --> 01:38:56.040 that does stand out to me as well. 1557 01:38:56.040 --> 01:38:58.280 I think this, what if nobody wants me? 1558 01:38:58.280 --> 01:39:00.560 So when is the first time you believe that lie 1559 01:39:00.560 --> 01:39:01.960 that you can remember? 1560 01:39:07.200 --> 01:39:08.040 Hmm. 1561 01:39:15.000 --> 01:39:17.200 I'm not really sure. 1562 01:39:17.200 --> 01:39:20.920 I mean, I'm a pastor's daughter 1563 01:39:20.920 --> 01:39:25.120 and my dad was, when I was 12, 1564 01:39:25.120 --> 01:39:27.760 my dad was fired from a position 1565 01:39:27.760 --> 01:39:29.800 and like a bunch of lies were said about him 1566 01:39:29.800 --> 01:39:31.480 and we were kind of shunned, 1567 01:39:32.760 --> 01:39:37.160 which I didn't really feel all that connected to that one, 1568 01:39:37.160 --> 01:39:39.000 except for like my mom's, 1569 01:39:40.120 --> 01:39:41.560 she kind of just checked out. 1570 01:39:42.040 --> 01:39:45.480 And so from there, we moved like every year 1571 01:39:45.480 --> 01:39:46.520 and joined a different church 1572 01:39:46.520 --> 01:39:47.960 and moved and moved and moved. 1573 01:39:49.600 --> 01:39:52.640 But I feel like it wasn't until like end of high school 1574 01:39:52.640 --> 01:39:55.320 when I started like seriously dating. 1575 01:39:56.760 --> 01:39:58.720 And so I think that's the first time 1576 01:39:58.720 --> 01:40:01.720 that I've ever felt like I'm not connected to God. 1577 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.480 that like I was in a relationship and I guess like my relationship kind of made 1578 01:40:01.720 --> 01:40:02.560 I don't know. 1579 01:40:02.560 --> 01:40:04.320 I don't know if I've ever felt like that. 1580 01:40:04.320 --> 01:40:05.160 I don't know. 1581 01:40:05.160 --> 01:40:06.000 I don't know. 1582 01:40:06.000 --> 01:40:06.840 I don't know. 1583 01:40:06.480 --> 01:40:12.200 me feel like he was doing me a favor by being with me. 1584 01:40:06.840 --> 01:40:07.680 I don't know. 1585 01:40:07.680 --> 01:40:08.520 I don't know. 1586 01:40:08.520 --> 01:40:09.360 I don't know. 1587 01:40:09.360 --> 01:40:10.200 I don't know. 1588 01:40:12.200 --> 01:40:15.800 So why did you believe that? 1589 01:40:15.800 --> 01:40:23.720 I guess I I believed it for myself too like I went into it thinking this is as 1590 01:40:23.720 --> 01:40:24.800 good as it's gonna get. 1591 01:40:24.800 --> 01:40:29.200 So okay tell me a little bit about this relationship where you 1592 01:40:29.280 --> 01:40:31.400 was he kind to you or not kind to you? 1593 01:40:31.400 --> 01:40:40.320 He was in the beginning he was overly charming and really like everybody no 1594 01:40:40.320 --> 01:40:46.160 one ever knew what he was really like but he was abusive he was sexually abusive. 1595 01:40:46.160 --> 01:40:56.800 Okay so I just want to really wait on the Lord a little bit because I want to make sure I don't 1596 01:40:56.800 --> 01:41:03.720 lead you too quickly because that's a pretty significant thing because ultimately what you're 1597 01:41:03.720 --> 01:41:14.040 what you're saying is that you don't think you're worth good things like your value on the inside 1598 01:41:14.040 --> 01:41:21.240 you're still hearing the dialogue that you're gonna have to settle and like if a guy dates 1599 01:41:21.400 --> 01:41:28.960 me he's doing me a favor so at the core we need to get to the root of your identity and how you 1600 01:41:28.960 --> 01:41:35.760 view yourself because no matter who you try to date until that healing happens you're probably 1601 01:41:35.760 --> 01:41:41.240 gonna have these old dialogues coming up I'm not saying don't try to date but you might and ladies 1602 01:41:41.240 --> 01:41:45.440 I think it's important for y'all to know so we do issue a dating challenge in phase two but it's 1603 01:41:45.440 --> 01:41:51.040 important for you to know no one is gonna force you to date some people go right into phase two 1604 01:41:51.320 --> 01:41:57.200 never date for another year until they're all like phase two doesn't take a year but just like I'm 1605 01:41:57.200 --> 01:42:00.720 just trying to say like some people just wait because that's what the Lord is leading them to 1606 01:42:00.720 --> 01:42:05.760 do no one's gonna force you to do anything we're just gonna encourage you and it's up to you when 1607 01:42:05.760 --> 01:42:11.800 you feel ready to take that invitation right and so just know that you can just kind of breathe and 1608 01:42:11.800 --> 01:42:18.080 not feel that pressure now some of you you need that challenge because you just kind of need to 1609 01:42:18.080 --> 01:42:26.520 get going because I want you to also think about it like this it's practice okay as you try to date 1610 01:42:26.520 --> 01:42:31.560 and talk to people it's gonna be about I don't want you to always think like is this the one is 1611 01:42:31.560 --> 01:42:37.440 this the one I want you just to be thinking about I'm gaining practice I'm learning about myself I'm 1612 01:42:37.440 --> 01:42:44.280 learning about God I'm learning about other people okay it really takes the pressure off but for you 1613 01:42:44.280 --> 01:42:51.720 I also really I mean genuinely like getting to the core of because you even said you even said 1614 01:42:51.720 --> 01:43:04.120 somewhere in there where is that what if nobody wants me well why wouldn't they want you I don't 1615 01:43:04.120 --> 01:43:11.960 know so that's that that's a question you're gonna want to answer with the Lord because you if you 1616 01:43:11.960 --> 01:43:18.720 think nobody is gonna want you ultimately again it goes back to identity it goes back to believing 1617 01:43:18.720 --> 01:43:25.120 you're not worth like people aren't gonna see your value that your worth isn't there but that's not 1618 01:43:25.120 --> 01:43:31.880 true you have a lot of value and a lot of worth and a man who finds a wife has found a good thing 1619 01:43:31.880 --> 01:43:40.120 because you're a good thing but until you believe that internally you're gonna tend to believe that 1620 01:43:40.240 --> 01:43:46.320 somebody's doing you a favor and then that will lead you to settle not God your belief system would 1621 01:43:46.320 --> 01:43:53.880 lead you to settle okay yeah and so let's let's do a little more work on your identity and how 1622 01:43:53.880 --> 01:43:58.560 you see yourself the weight stuff is probably gonna be a part of this but because you mentioned 1623 01:43:58.560 --> 01:44:04.280 that pretty quick to that you've strung in wait and so maybe that's feeding into some but internally 1624 01:44:04.280 --> 01:44:09.440 like as a kid you know did people say things to you about your weight did they say things to you 1625 01:44:09.440 --> 01:44:16.160 about like your I you know a lot of the world they they kind of focus on the external right 1626 01:44:16.160 --> 01:44:21.920 but even like Danielle when she's sharing look at how much that all went to core identity stuff 1627 01:44:21.920 --> 01:44:30.040 too believing that she wasn't even good when she was born what that's all identity it's all core 1628 01:44:30.040 --> 01:44:37.760 identity stuff so we can sometimes package it in different ways the enemy does and so for you this 1629 01:44:37.800 --> 01:44:42.800 guy this relationship forgiving him for the sexual abuse is going to be really huge just if you 1630 01:44:42.800 --> 01:44:51.960 haven't already but ultimately forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to continue in that relationship 1631 01:44:51.960 --> 01:44:58.880 yeah okay because when we when we know we should break up with someone or we know we should leave 1632 01:44:58.880 --> 01:44:59.480 and we don't 1633 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.680 and then they continue to harm us, then we start hating ourselves for it. 1634 01:45:05.440 --> 01:45:12.640 So self-hatred and self-loathing and all that stuff can that feeds into us not believing we're 1635 01:45:12.640 --> 01:45:19.440 worth it either. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I went I went through a long after him. I went 1636 01:45:19.440 --> 01:45:26.320 through like a decade long of self-loathing. And I had a lot of mental health issues after that. 1637 01:45:26.320 --> 01:45:33.760 And I became like suicidal. And there was like, clinical depression and anxiety and like all of 1638 01:45:33.760 --> 01:45:41.120 these things. And so I feel like I've come really far from where I was. Yeah. And like, when I went 1639 01:45:41.120 --> 01:45:48.160 through the forgiveness and stuff like that, I've really felt like I was forgiving. And I like kept 1640 01:45:48.160 --> 01:45:55.040 those papers as like, to, to remember, like, I did this. But then it when things keep coming up, 1641 01:45:55.040 --> 01:46:01.600 I'm thinking why? Why is it keep coming back as if I didn't do it? Well, remember that healing 1642 01:46:01.600 --> 01:46:07.680 happens in layers and so does forgiveness. Okay. So it doesn't mean that you didn't do it or that 1643 01:46:07.680 --> 01:46:13.840 it didn't work. It just means this was a really deep wound. And it takes time to heal fully. 1644 01:46:14.480 --> 01:46:19.120 Think about it. Like, if you get a little scratch on your arm, like on the surface, 1645 01:46:19.120 --> 01:46:23.600 that heals pretty quick, right? But if you get a big gash in your arm, well, 1646 01:46:23.600 --> 01:46:27.920 they got to go down and do do stitches and all that kind of stuff down in there, maybe some 1647 01:46:27.920 --> 01:46:34.160 staples may, you know, and it takes longer for that to heal. And sometimes there's a scar left 1648 01:46:34.160 --> 01:46:40.880 over. Right? Yeah. That doesn't mean that you're never going to heal. It just means that I think 1649 01:46:40.880 --> 01:46:45.280 this is a deeper wound. And it just is going to take time, even if it already has taken you. 1650 01:46:45.280 --> 01:46:50.160 And this is where it can get tricky for us when we feel like it's already been 10 years or 10 1651 01:46:50.160 --> 01:46:56.720 years after the time that happened, you know, that's okay. But you're worth it. And that was 1652 01:46:56.720 --> 01:47:01.600 a really big wound. And so give yourself a lot of grace. It doesn't mean you're not doing it right. 1653 01:47:01.600 --> 01:47:05.200 It just means like one of the ways I try to tell everyone is just consider it like 1654 01:47:06.480 --> 01:47:10.000 you're peeking back up under the hood a little bit with the Lord because he wants to show you 1655 01:47:10.000 --> 01:47:15.440 another piece of that to heal. And just trust that you have done the work. And if the Lord 1656 01:47:15.440 --> 01:47:20.480 leads you back to it, it's just, again, he's not, it's not that you're not good enough or you're 1657 01:47:20.480 --> 01:47:26.000 not doing it right. It's that there's another layer of healing and just keep reminding yourself 1658 01:47:26.000 --> 01:47:33.120 of that. Yeah. I used to feel like that regarding my brothers and you all, I mean, shoot. I mean, 1659 01:47:33.120 --> 01:47:38.640 that happened when I was a little kid. I've been saved since 1998 and I still have stuff that comes 1660 01:47:38.640 --> 01:47:44.960 up. It doesn't mean I'm not doing something right. It means I went through a lot as a little kid. 1661 01:47:44.960 --> 01:47:50.480 And it just takes time. Okay. So give a lot of grace to yourselves, ladies. I'm going to go 1662 01:47:50.480 --> 01:47:55.600 ahead and pray us out. These have been some amazing shares as always. I pray for you guys, 1663 01:47:55.600 --> 01:48:01.120 even if I'm not in the group, I'm thinking about you and I'm just excited for where God is leading 1664 01:48:01.120 --> 01:48:07.280 all of you. And so just bless you in that. Father, thank you so much for these amazing women. Thank 1665 01:48:07.280 --> 01:48:11.120 you, God, that you would help them to see themselves the way you see them more every day. 1666 01:48:11.680 --> 01:48:17.040 God, I pray that you would heal them in the deep recesses of their soul. God, where the pain and 1667 01:48:17.040 --> 01:48:23.280 the trauma has literally wounded them to the depths. God, I thank you for the balm of Gilead 1668 01:48:23.280 --> 01:48:28.480 being placed upon those places. God, I thank you that you're the great physician, that nothing is 1669 01:48:28.480 --> 01:48:33.520 too hard for you. We're not too far gone. Praise the Lord for that. God, you're marking us with a 1670 01:48:34.480 --> 01:48:40.480 new phrase tonight, redeemed, forgiven, white as snow. God, that you cleanse us, 1671 01:48:40.480 --> 01:48:45.760 you redeem us, you restore us, you rebuild us. You make us better than we were ever before. 1672 01:48:46.560 --> 01:48:50.640 In those past things, our latter years are going to be greater than the former years. We're going 1673 01:48:50.640 --> 01:48:56.800 to be able to not only walk in freedom and health and life and vitality, God, but we're going to be 1674 01:48:56.800 --> 01:49:01.760 able to set other people free too through the power of your spirit. We just thank you, God, 1675 01:49:01.760 --> 01:49:08.000 for using us, for transforming us, for redeeming our storylines. Yes, Lord, thank you for going all 1676 01:49:08.000 --> 01:49:13.120 throughout our family lines and helping us to see what we couldn't see, that you would not only set 1677 01:49:13.120 --> 01:49:17.360 us free, but our families free as well. We just thank you in advance. Give them good rest tonight, 1678 01:49:17.360 --> 01:49:23.920 Lord. In Jesus name, amen. God bless you all. I'm so excited. I'll just put the activations up in 1679 01:49:23.920 --> 01:49:27.760 the group, y'all, just because we're already kind of late. So go ahead and check that out 1680 01:49:27.760 --> 01:49:30.960 under the announcements tab. I'll go there and put that there now. All right. 1681 01:49:30.960 --> 01:49:34.960 God bless you so much, Bethany. Bye. You're welcome. Thank you.