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So we'll go ahead and get started with our phase two live call today.

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It's one o'clock Eastern.

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I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year's Single.

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I was just explaining to the ladies, you got my picture today.

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My Wi-Fi has been out since we got back from our trip last week.

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AT&T has been giving us some issues with our Wi-Fi.

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We haven't had internet for the entire week.

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So I'm borrowing some internet from my neighbor, but the bars are low.

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So I'm hoping that by not coming on camera, it will make things not super spotty.

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So if you are on and it does seem spotty or you're watching this in replay, that is why.

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I'm hoping that the tech will come tomorrow and hopefully get us up and running.

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I've got some neighbors in our area said that it's because it's been dry.

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The ground is dry and so all of the wires underneath the ground have been cracking,

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which is why we haven't received service.

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So they've had their wires and everything replaced.

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Now the people on the end of the line when we call are not confirming that's what's happening.

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But hopefully once we can get a tech out here, we can get that resolved.

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So hopefully they do not cancel our tech tomorrow.

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I have my husband on it.

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So hopefully next week y'all get my beautiful face.

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But it's good to see you ladies.

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Like I said, if you can come on camera, that will be fantastic.

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Let's just go ahead and pray for us and our session today.

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And then I do have a few housekeeping stuff to go over.

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And then we'll make our teaching today probably pretty simple, easy, straightforward.

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I was not able to get into the app a whole lot this week because of the Wi-Fi issue.

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So that will hopefully allow me some time today to take most of your questions.

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So I hope you ladies came ready for questions today.

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But all right, let's go ahead and pray.

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So Heavenly Father, I just thank you for this time together today, Lord.

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I just thank you for bringing each and every one of these women here today on the call

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and in replay, Lord, that you know all that happens, Lord.

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And nothing, nothing, nothing catches you by surprise.

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Nothing that, you know, the internet going out is definitely not a surprise to you.

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No, nothing of our expectations are a surprise to you, Lord, that you just, you already know.

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And so, Lord, I just thank you that you are always working.

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You are always for us.

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You know exactly where we're at, what we're doing, where we need to be.

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You meet us exactly where we're at, Lord.

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So I thank you for that.

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Lord, I just ask that today you come before, that we come before you with just open hands

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and open hearts.

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We invite you in on this conversation today.

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We ask that you just quiet every distraction, calm every anxious thought, and just help us

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to become fully present with you.

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Holy Spirit, we just, you know, give you this time.

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Lord, we just, we thank you for the gift of curiosity today.

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Help us to resist any temptation to rush towards conclusion or assume that we already know

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what you're doing.

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Instead, just teach us to slow down and stay curious.

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And that we just simply ask you to reveal to us what you're doing.

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Simply ask you to reveal what it is that you want us to see.

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Father, we thank you that disappointment doesn't have to have the final word.

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Delays don't have to have the final word.

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Anything that's unexpected doesn't have the final word.

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but that you're always at work, even when we can't see what you're doing.

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Lord, just give us the eyes to recognize your hand,

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and give us hearts to trust your timing.

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Lord, as we continue to learn and build our lives on the foundation of heart work,

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just remind us that this is never about us becoming perfect.

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And it truly is about just learning to live in the women that we already are,

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that you've created us to be, that we can faithfully partner with you in every season.

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Lord, that when old patterns resurface, that you help us respond in grace instead of shame.

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That when expectations collide with reality, we can choose curiosity over any certainty

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that we can just surrender to you and we don't have to strive.

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Lord, I ask that we trust you today and every day.

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Lord, I ask that you just speak to us individually, encourage us where we need encouragement,

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convict us lovingly where we need growth,

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and remind us that you're always here to lead us one faithful step at a time.

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Lord, we love you, we trust you, and we surrender this time to you.

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In Jesus' mighty name, amen.

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Alright ladies, so some housekeeping things I want to go over with you ladies today.

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Next Tuesday, we are only going to have a 1 o'clock check-in.

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There will be an 8 o'clock session, but it will not be just with the Phase 2 ladies.

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It is going to be a special session.

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One of our coaches, Elizabeth Erickson, is going to be doing a special session with Phase 3,

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and we are inviting Phase 2 ladies in on that session.

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She's going to be doing a session called,

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Why Am I Obsessed With Someone I Barely Know?

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It's breaking that limerous loop, if you will.

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That is going to be an invitation for all you ladies in Phase 2 to join with the Phase 3 group.

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I want to strongly encourage that you ladies make that something that you can get to next week.

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That will be the 8 o'clock session.

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We'll still have a Phase 2 check-in.

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It will just be the 1 o'clock, so know that we'll have that recorded.

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If you are not able to make the 1 o'clock session, we'll still have a Phase 2 check-in.

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It will just be the 1 o'clock, so those ladies that are able to get to the 1 o'clock session,

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so those of you ladies that I typically see here, like I see right now,

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I know that I'll probably see you, but know that you'll definitely want to try to tune in for the 8 o'clock as well,

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because it will be different, and it will be a really good session.

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Elizabeth Erickson is one of our coaches that you can book a one-on-one session with,

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if that is something that you want to do.

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Again, remember, one-on-one sessions are available for an extra fee,

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and a lot of ladies do get a lot of – what am I trying to say here?

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They do get a lot of growth from that, but it's not mandatory, but we do offer one-on-one sessions in the app.

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You just need to go to the Resource tab.

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So Elizabeth is one of our coaches, along with Ebony and myself and several other ladies and coaches from our community.

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So, yes, okay, Chrissy, no worries.

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We'll have this in replay.

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It's good to see you for a brief moment.

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But, yeah, we'll see you next time, and definitely keep checking in with the app and let us know how you're doing.

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Yes, yes, those one-on-one sessions are definitely very helpful.

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They allow you that 50 minutes of just you and a coach,

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so they are definitely worthwhile if you feel like that's something that you could benefit from.

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So one more thing that I definitely want to go over in housekeeping before we get started.

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I've noticed lately that we're getting a lot of questions about how do we know whether or not we're ready for Phase 3.

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and I love that question and so I know that's definitely something and I know we've gotten a

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lot of ladies that are brand new to phase two and so that is definitely one of those questions

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that comes up frequently in phase two as we get some new ladies coming in and I know that

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we've gotten some ladies that have been here for a minute and so they're like okay I've been here

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now in phase two for a while so when do I go to phase three and so I want to spend a few minutes

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kind of going over that in our housekeeping because I think that will be really important

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and so one thing I want to encourage you ladies with the phase three it's not so much about you

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know graduating into phase three if you will like I know a lot of a lot of times ladies will think

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well do I graduate into phase three if I've completed the seven day challenge or am I ready

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for phase three if I'm close to having a boyfriend and those things are definitely wonderful if they

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happen but I want you ladies to know that that's not the goal and it's not a requirement

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that doesn't mean that that can't happen it certainly can but it that's not necessarily

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like the oh I know I'm ready for phase three because I've done the seven dates or I know

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I'm ready for phase three because I'm close to having a boyfriend the question that I really

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want you to ask yourself to know if you're ready for phase three is am I comfortable living

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out heartwork in my everyday life and that doesn't mean you're doing it perfectly because

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none of us will all right ladies I'm you know been part of last year's single since 2020

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all right I know I'm a success story I'm no longer single but believe it or not I still do

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heartwork daily you know even in married life and you know I was in in this community for a

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solid two years before I met my husband and was doing heartwork and then when I was engaged to

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him I was still doing heartwork and so that didn't mean I was doing things perfectly and so

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I want you ladies to feel encouraged that you know there's nothing that you're going to do

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perfectly in phase two that's going to make you ready for phase three okay it's more or less like

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I said that question of I'm you'll know you're ready for phase three when you are comfortable

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living heartwork out every every day and so that's so what does that look like okay so that's

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where you're beginning to recognize what your patterns are are you learning how to stay grounded

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in the lord when there's you know highs and lows in dating or just highs and lows in life in general

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are you noticing what's happening inside your heart and are you partnering with god instead

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of reacting are those tools that you learned in heartwork becoming more of a lifestyle

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than something you have to consciously remember to do and so that's like that's kind of why we

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have phase two is because you learn heartwork in phase one you learn about those tools and so we

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don't want you to jump into phase three and just be expected to know what all that looks like

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we give you this phase two so that you can practice living heart workout day to day

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with a little bit of an extra support system does that make sense and I don't have anybody

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on camera right now because I'm probably not on camera so if y'all just let me know in the chat

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that makes sense again if you jumped on I am off camera because our wi-fi has not been working

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since we got back from traveling last week and so I'm borrowing wi-fi from the neighbor so it is

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not as strong and so if I don't have my camera on I'm hoping that will keep things moving and not

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as spotty okay so yeah those are those are the things that we're really wanting you to kind of

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ask yourself in order to kind of decipher whether or not like am I ready for phase three and so

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that's that's really what we're looking for and so one of the reasons that we really strongly encourage

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a lot of you ladies to spend at least like five to six weeks in phase two is

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because there is intentionality built on making phase two phase two. We do have

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those five core teaching videos in the content and so we we strongly encourage

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you ladies to be focusing on one of those videos each week and then with

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these Tuesday calls we have those every Tuesday one at one o'clock Eastern and

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one at eight o'clock and those live sessions are really here to build on

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those core content teachings and so it these these Tuesday live calls actually

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allow us to take what you're learning in that content and apply it to real life

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and what is actually happening every day in the community with each other okay

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so that's why you know not everyone's gonna be on the same video each week but

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you all are going to be able to kind of glean from each other and see how it

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works in everyday life okay so we we really do try to take these Tuesday

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calls and be able to apply them with what's going on in the community but

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kind of elaborate more on those content teachings those those five core videos

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that you'll watch while you're here in phase two and so that doesn't always

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mean it will apply to dating I mean yes we're gonna encourage you to be dating

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you know because we want you to get that practice but it doesn't always mean you

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have to be dating so sometimes it's gonna be dating and sometimes it's gonna

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be family relationships sometimes it's gonna be with work sometimes it's

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friendships sometimes it's just how am I dealing with disappointment ladies

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I'll be you know I'm sure you all are gonna relate like dating can feel

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disappointing at times am I right especially online dating I remember

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online dating and dating in general and I remember just sometimes just having

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the ups and downs the highs the lows the ebbs and flows and I would love to say

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ladies when you find your spirit mate like disappointment doesn't happen but

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it does it's life so that's why heart work really will come in handy and why

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we tell you it really is last year single as a preparation preparation for

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marriage and so we utilize dating to prepare you for marriage and heart work

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is part of that so so you don't have to be dating in phase two we're gonna

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encourage you to do that that's also why you don't have to be in a serious

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relationship or have completed your seven-day challenge to get into phase

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three it's more about am I comfortable walking through heart work daily with

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everything in my life dating friendships work life disappointment hope whatever

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the Lord is highlighting especially what the Lord is highlighting in our

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community and so that's what these Tuesday calls are because I will

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frequently see that the Lord will work through all you ladies and it happened

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in you know when I was single and in this community that many of the ladies

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that were in that I was single with you know we were all kind of going through

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some things that were very similar and so even when you ladies will listen in

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on Supernatural Saturday it will resonate because you know there's just

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it's spiritual let's just it's what's going on in the spiritual realm as well

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and so and and and that will that plays a big part of it too and so I hope this

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is helping many of you ladies kind of understand that a little better

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especially those ladies that are asking you know when do I know when I'm ready

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for phase three and so hopefully that's given you a little bit of an idea but

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phase two I love it because you know it's we call it the discovery dating

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phase

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But, you know, and yes, it's dating, but I just think it's a discovery phase.

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And I don't think it's only about dating.

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It's really is discovery.

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It's discovering more about yourself, more about hard work, more about God,

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more about what you like, what you don't like, more about, you know,

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your relationships with people, with friendships,

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with guys, with all things, more discovering,

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you know, your patterns, all different things.

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And so dating is just simply where you get to practice the tools.

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And so we definitely want to encourage you to get your feet wet.

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And so that's kind of why we do the seven day challenge is so that way

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it encourages you ladies to,

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you know, get out there and date.

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I know I needed a little push out of the nest.

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Jackie needed definitely to push me out of the nest.

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It took me a solid year of being in the community

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to go on my first date.

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I was definitely one of those girls.

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I was like, I just don't know what the temperature's like in the pool.

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So I'm going to put my toe in and I just need to get comfortable.

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And so that's kind of why we we incorporate

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that seven day challenge is so that way we want you to stretch yourself.

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We want you to to get your feet wet.

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You know, the seven day challenge isn't about finding your husband in seven days.

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It really is about stretching yourself, gathering information,

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practice curiosity and just being

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being comfortable applying these tools in the real life

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situations and interactions that you'll find yourself in.

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And so some ladies will finish quickly.

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Others won't, you know, which is totally fine.

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And there's not one that's better than the other.

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Everyone's got their own journey.

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And so, again, going back to phase three, you know,

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I really want to encourage you,

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not so much asking like the question of like, OK, I've I've done the

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I've done the videos now.

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Like, what do I do now?

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Because it's not a checklist.

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It's more about partnering with the Lord throughout your day.

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Heartwork isn't something that you you turn on when you're struggling.

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It really is about becoming part of,

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you know, how you think, how you communicate, how you date,

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how you navigate life.

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And so that phase three is simply just that next part of the journey.

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Once you feel like, OK, I got a handle on this,

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like this is becoming more natural.

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And so as conversations naturally shift,

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you'll you'll you'll you'll see that you're like, OK,

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I think I'm ready for for phase three.

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And you're going to be building relationships and navigating,

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you know, through that exclusivity, preparing for engagement like in marriage.

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And that's what a lot of the women in phase three will go through.

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But not everyone.

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Like, again, it's kind of like you're not everyone's on that same timeline.

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So you'll have women that are maybe engaged.

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You'll have women that are

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still, you know, trying to get their feet wet and dating.

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But they they've had enough practice

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where heartwork.

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Is more of a lifestyle.

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OK, I feel like I've repeated myself in several different ways.

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So hopefully that captures more of what you ladies are looking for,

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that, you know, these heartwork tools are taking root in your daily life.

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You're learning to become more kingdom minded

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while you're living in the world around you.

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And so if your answer is, I'm growing

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and I still want more time to practice,

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then you can stay in phase two.

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But if you're like, you know, I got a handle on this

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and I'm ready to get around a new group of women

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and get around a bigger community and I feel comfortable and confident,

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then you most certainly can

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request to move over to phase three.

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But again, we're going to ask that you've at least spent five to six weeks

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here in phase two, have gone through the five videos,

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gotten some of these Tuesday calls under your belt,

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and you feel confident with applying

273
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the heartwork principles into your everyday life. Cool.

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All right. Everyone still can hear me? Good. All right. Perfect. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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It's so weird not being on camera. It's so, so strange. All right. So today, like I said,

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I've been a little out of pocket because the Wi-Fi has been a little bit of a hindrance for me.

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I see your question, Lisa. When we move to phase three, we join a different coaching call.

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Sorry, I meant move. Apologies. I gotcha. Sorry.

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You're good. Yeah. When you move to phase three, and yeah, so phase three will have different

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coaching calls. And so there will be calls that fall on, if I'm retrieving this information

281
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correctly, is there will sometimes be Tuesday night calls and Thursday night calls, but they're

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not every Tuesday and every Thursday. Okay. Okay. I do not believe there are daytime calls,

283
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but I could be wrong. I spent so much. What go ahead. No worries. Just to say,

284
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thank you for clarifying that for me. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And so yeah. And so that's

285
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a bigger community. And then again, like there's all sorts, I mean, different coaches will come

286
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on and coach different material. I know Bethany will do advanced heartwork sessions at times.

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Sometimes we'll have single spotlights. There will be, I know one, I don't know if they've

288
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done this recently. They'll bring couples success stories on. I know my husband and I did that a

289
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year or so ago. They'll bring success stories on and have the couples talk about their love story.

290
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And so yes, it is co-ed sometimes. Sometimes the women just get invited to things and sometimes

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it is co-ed. One thing I do know is that when they do the, like they do like a he said, she says,

292
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or single spotlights, there will be times that like they will require you to be on camera.

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And if you're not on camera and you're not camera ready, they will actually kick you out.

294
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So like they'll require you and they'll give you a heads up of like what sessions those are

295
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sort of thing. And so there's all sorts of events. So, but I mean, again, like session,

296
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phase three is always going to be there. And like I said, and again, like next week,

297
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you ladies are getting a phase two is getting invited to a special phase three session. And

298
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that one, I don't actually know if it's a co-ed session or not. Let me go back to my messages.

299
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That's the one where you just jumped on. Elizabeth Erickson is going to do a special teaching.

300
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That one, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if that will be a co-ed one or not. So

301
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we'll keep you posted on that. It will be next Tuesday night. So there won't be a Tuesday 8pm

302
00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:02.720
heart check-in for phase two. We'll just have the one o'clock

303
00:29:03.520 --> 00:29:10.800
because then you'll get invited to Elizabeth's session for phase three. So we'll have that

304
00:29:10.800 --> 00:29:20.240
posted in the app as well. So which will be really good. So I feel like I just completely

305
00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:29.120
got off on a tangent. So my apologies. So yes, hopefully that answered all the good questions.

306
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:38.080
Um, so today I just want to just touch a little bit on, um, you know, curiosity and, you know,

307
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you know, heartwork happening kind of in the gap between our expectations and reality.

308
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Um, I think that's kind of just phase two in a nutshell. Um, and so again, like this past week

309
00:29:56.320 --> 00:29:59.840
just has not gone according to plan for me.

310
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.520
And so I think that just kind of, you know, highlights just life in general,

311
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especially dating, um, you know, where you, you have to sometimes pivot.

312
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You know, I've had a pivot lots of times this week with not having

313
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internet and our wifi being out.

314
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And so when that happens, when our expectations, when things are just not

315
00:30:23.800 --> 00:30:28.160
happening the way we want them to, or the way we expect them to, um, it can

316
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get really, really frustrating.

317
00:30:30.680 --> 00:30:34.680
Um, I have found myself very frustrated several times this week.

318
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And so, um, because of that, like I've spent a lot of time with the

319
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Lord, um, because I've realized, you know, man, I've just been really, really

320
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frustrated yet.

321
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So yes, it's, I don't know if it's just the Dallas area.

322
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I know in our neighborhood, it has been really bad.

323
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Um, we have been out without wifi since Tuesday.

324
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:05.440
Um, several of our neighbors, it's, I guess, been going in and out for our

325
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:08.160
home specifically, we have been out for the entire week.

326
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:11.920
Like there has not been any like possible.

327
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Like, it's not like, Oh, Oh, we've got it for like an hour or two.

328
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Um, now some people in the neighborhood said that they'll get

329
00:31:20.520 --> 00:31:21.920
it and then it'll come back on.

330
00:31:22.040 --> 00:31:26.800
Um, there was someone in the neighborhood that let me know they were without

331
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:29.840
internet for an entire month, a while ago.

332
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:36.480
Um, and it literally, they were getting run around from AT&T because they were

333
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:38.040
like, Oh, it's just an outage.

334
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:44.520
And what happened is they needed their lines replaced because, um, they were

335
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cracking underneath the ground.

336
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And so that's been something that several neighbors have actually

337
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said that it's been really dry here.

338
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It's been really hot.

339
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I mean, we've seen temperatures over a hundred for several weeks now,

340
00:32:00.200 --> 00:32:02.160
um, with very, very little rain.

341
00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:07.000
And so anyway, I'm not gonna, I not can go into that.

342
00:32:07.040 --> 00:32:07.540
Yeah.

343
00:32:07.840 --> 00:32:08.440
Yes.

344
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:10.920
So definitely high temps.

345
00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:15.200
So, um, but yeah, it's definitely left me feeling frustrated.

346
00:32:15.200 --> 00:32:18.480
And so I've just been sitting kind of pondering that, you know, spending

347
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:23.680
time with the Lord, like, you know, what, like, what is it?

348
00:32:23.720 --> 00:32:27.040
And, and, you know, the Lord is just showing me like a lot of times that

349
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frustration comes from expectations.

350
00:32:30.360 --> 00:32:37.840
Um, and so I expected my week to look one way and in reality, it looks different.

351
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And so it got me really curious, you know, and I thought, you know,

352
00:32:43.280 --> 00:32:45.160
why does this affect me so much?

353
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You know, why do I allow, you know, things that just don't happen the way

354
00:32:52.760 --> 00:32:55.440
that I want them to affect me the way that they do.

355
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And so I just realized like, that's, that's hard work.

356
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:05.320
And so I think sometimes we believe like hard work only happens during these

357
00:33:05.320 --> 00:33:09.520
like quiet times when we're journaling or, you know, when we're listening to

358
00:33:09.520 --> 00:33:14.000
worship or when we're kind of just, you know, really diving in and like, okay,

359
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:17.400
Lord, I'm going to get with you and I want to search my heart and I want to

360
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:21.280
heal and, you know, and I'm reading scripture and I, you know, Lord search

361
00:33:21.280 --> 00:33:22.080
my heart.

362
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:31.720
Um, but I started realizing some of my deepest hard work ladies happens when

363
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:35.040
life just interrupts our plans.

364
00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:41.160
And so, you know, I just thought about the hard work side cycle in general, just,

365
00:33:41.160 --> 00:33:45.240
you know, have this expectation and then reality hits.

366
00:33:45.960 --> 00:33:46.320
Okay.

367
00:33:46.320 --> 00:33:50.240
I know you'll, you'll hear Jackie often say life doesn't have to be easy.

368
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It just has to be worth it.

369
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And I'm like, that's really where that comes from.

370
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You know, we want life to be easy because we have expectations, but the reality is,

371
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is life isn't going to be easy.

372
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And so when reality hits, we get this reaction.

373
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And so then we think, Oh, life is just so hard.

374
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But when we do the hard work cycle and we can, we stop that reaction and we start

375
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:31.360
showing up in curiosity, we actually then can open the door to some revelation.

376
00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:33.920
And that's where that revealing for healing happens.

377
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:37.000
And then that's where the freedom comes.

378
00:34:38.080 --> 00:34:39.920
Um, yes.

379
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:41.280
Is it really worth it?

380
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:43.960
Um, what makes this worth it, Lord?

381
00:34:43.960 --> 00:34:44.960
I love that.

382
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:46.600
That's so good.

383
00:34:47.080 --> 00:34:51.320
And so, um, yes, so good.

384
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:52.639
Thank you for sharing that.

385
00:34:53.080 --> 00:35:00.040
Um, so yeah, like breakthrough I notice doesn't happen.

386
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.840
because life goes according to Karla's plan.

387
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:08.600
I mean, does breakthrough happen when

388
00:35:08.600 --> 00:35:12.160
life goes according to Lisa's plan, or Susan's plan,

389
00:35:12.160 --> 00:35:16.560
or Sarah Shell's plan, or Laura's plan?

390
00:35:16.560 --> 00:35:20.360
I mean, is that when breakthrough happens, ladies?

391
00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:25.920
When everything goes according to our plan?

392
00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:31.280
I always find it happens because it

393
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:35.160
didn't go according to plan.

394
00:35:35.160 --> 00:35:37.400
And that's when that expectation really

395
00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:39.640
does collide with reality.

396
00:35:39.640 --> 00:35:45.280
And something that was hidden in our hearts gets revealed.

397
00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:47.400
And it's not failure.

398
00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:49.680
It's actually just an invitation.

399
00:35:49.680 --> 00:35:55.640
And so if we're going to look at dating and discovery dating,

400
00:35:55.640 --> 00:35:59.360
because that's what we do here in phase two,

401
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:07.560
is we have this, how many of you, let me put it this way,

402
00:36:07.560 --> 00:36:12.320
how many of you have found yourself expecting

403
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:17.040
to feel immediate attraction when

404
00:36:17.040 --> 00:36:19.000
you start dating somebody?

405
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:24.000
Anybody?

406
00:36:24.040 --> 00:36:28.720
And how does it feel when you don't necessarily

407
00:36:28.720 --> 00:36:33.320
feel immediately attracted to someone right away?

408
00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:38.600
I know that happens often in our community.

409
00:36:38.600 --> 00:36:47.400
I know when I was in this community as a single,

410
00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:51.800
we had this, there was this one season where it was just

411
00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:57.320
being highlighted that there were several relationships that

412
00:36:57.320 --> 00:36:59.560
were forming.

413
00:36:59.560 --> 00:37:01.880
And many of the ladies in the beginning

414
00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:08.120
were not physically attracted to the guys that they were dating.

415
00:37:08.120 --> 00:37:11.440
And that it wasn't like this immediately,

416
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:13.960
like, oh, there was this chemistry.

417
00:37:13.960 --> 00:37:16.720
And so that was really interesting.

418
00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:23.240
And I remember having that happen to me with several of the guys

419
00:37:23.240 --> 00:37:26.840
that I was, once I finally got out of my,

420
00:37:26.840 --> 00:37:31.480
I'm not sure I'm ready to go on dates yet,

421
00:37:31.480 --> 00:37:35.280
God kind of put these blinders on me.

422
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:39.200
Like, I wasn't really focused on the physical appearance.

423
00:37:39.200 --> 00:37:46.080
He was really having me spend time focusing on heart postures

424
00:37:46.080 --> 00:37:50.560
of these men and looking more at like the maturity

425
00:37:50.560 --> 00:37:54.360
and the masculinity and the marriage mindset.

426
00:37:54.360 --> 00:37:59.960
And I would find myself getting really frustrated because I'm like,

427
00:37:59.960 --> 00:38:05.480
but I don't know if I think they're cute, right?

428
00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:07.120
Anybody else relate to that?

429
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:09.000
I know so many people are not on camera.

430
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:10.120
OK, thank you, Haley.

431
00:38:10.120 --> 00:38:11.640
Haley's my girl that's on camera.

432
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:14.680
Thank you.

433
00:38:14.680 --> 00:38:17.840
Yes, and so Cynthia, same thing, like, yeah,

434
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:21.920
she's like confused about the attraction part, OK?

435
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.840
And Susan, you're saying concerning.

436
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:26.080
Susan, help me understand that.

437
00:38:26.080 --> 00:38:28.960
Like, are you concerned you're not physically attracted

438
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:31.800
or are you concerned like you're not supposed to necessarily

439
00:38:31.800 --> 00:38:33.920
be physically attracted right away?

440
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:35.160
Help me understand that.

441
00:38:41.040 --> 00:38:42.680
I don't know if you want me to talk, but yeah.

442
00:38:42.680 --> 00:38:43.800
Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

443
00:38:43.880 --> 00:38:45.960
OK, yeah, I just get scared.

444
00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:47.400
Like, I'm concerned.

445
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:50.080
Like, I'm not in it in my head.

446
00:38:50.080 --> 00:38:53.160
And then I'm like, oh, no.

447
00:38:53.160 --> 00:38:55.080
Is it the physical attraction?

448
00:38:55.080 --> 00:38:58.320
Yeah, I just feel like, oh, what if I never

449
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:00.600
want to have sex with him when I marry him?

450
00:39:00.600 --> 00:39:05.080
Yeah, yeah, I've had that same thing happen to me, too.

451
00:39:05.080 --> 00:39:10.880
And so that's where instead of like, so this is exactly what I mean.

452
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:13.720
And so I don't want you ladies to be worried

453
00:39:13.720 --> 00:39:19.520
or think that this is something to be concerned about.

454
00:39:19.520 --> 00:39:27.080
It's more or less like, OK, I'm not attracted immediately.

455
00:39:27.080 --> 00:39:30.120
And so I don't need to be concerned with it.

456
00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:35.200
Now I get to show up more out of, Lord, what is it

457
00:39:35.200 --> 00:39:37.240
that you're trying to reveal to me?

458
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:42.600
It's about getting curious of, OK, why is that important?

459
00:39:42.600 --> 00:39:45.520
And so the best way that I can describe this

460
00:39:45.520 --> 00:39:54.480
is just to kind of use my own example, where before,

461
00:39:54.480 --> 00:39:58.120
physical attraction was very, very important to me.

462
00:39:58.120 --> 00:40:00.160
And ladies, I'm not saying.

463
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.520
physical attraction is not important, okay? It is, okay? God is not going to make you marry

464
00:40:07.520 --> 00:40:11.600
someone that you're not going to be physically attracted to, okay? I'm just going to put that

465
00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:15.280
out there, okay? God is not a God that's going to make you marry someone that you're not going to

466
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:25.040
like find yourself like looking at and being like, yes, this person's hot, okay? All right.

467
00:40:25.520 --> 00:40:34.560
Um, it's the, sometimes it's that initial, like, as you're getting to know somebody, okay? Fun

468
00:40:34.560 --> 00:40:42.320
fact, didn't find my husband physically attracted right out the gate. Like, because it wasn't,

469
00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:46.000
not that I didn't find him physically attracted, it was more or less, I wasn't really paying

470
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:53.600
attention to it. It wasn't something that I was drawn to. Um, it was more of, I, he's,

471
00:40:54.160 --> 00:41:01.280
he's a okay looking guy. I don't know if I'm like, do I want to be physical with this person?

472
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:08.000
Do I want, like, I don't know. Because in reality, ladies, I didn't know him.

473
00:41:09.520 --> 00:41:15.680
So it was probably like, I probably shouldn't be thinking about that right away. And like,

474
00:41:15.680 --> 00:41:20.720
and that was what God had to show me and reveal to me in curiosity. And so that actually happened

475
00:41:20.720 --> 00:41:25.760
with a couple different guys even before I met my husband. And so when I got curious about it,

476
00:41:27.200 --> 00:41:35.440
God actually opened my eyes to some areas in my heart that needed healing because

477
00:41:36.560 --> 00:41:44.480
I actually put a lot of emphasis on physical attraction because of what it represented to me.

478
00:41:45.680 --> 00:41:53.760
And how it, how it actually played a part in my own identity and what it meant to me and what I

479
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:59.760
thought. Does that make sense? Okay. Sarah Shell, she's shaking her head yet. Susan,

480
00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:03.840
is that making sense to you? Cause I know you're the one that was like, you brought that up.

481
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:15.040
Okay, good. Because I had this struggle in my own mind that my worth and value

482
00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:25.840
had a lot to do with my physical looks and what people thought I looked like and how I looked

483
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:31.760
and what people thought I looked like and how I looked like. And then that was directly related to

484
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:41.680
the looks of people that I was dating. So if I was dating someone attractive,

485
00:42:41.680 --> 00:42:46.320
that must mean I'm attractive, which must mean that my worth is

486
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:53.840
like more substantial or something. Like I had an insecurity within me that God was

487
00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:59.760
working out and healing. Does that make sense, ladies? I'm just giving you my example. I'm not

488
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:05.520
saying that this will be yours. I'm just giving you an example of how that can show up. Okay,

489
00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:11.680
good. Susan. So you're seeing that. So yeah, this is where that being curious about that stuff is

490
00:43:11.680 --> 00:43:18.640
really, really helpful. And so, yeah, it's, we might have this, okay, I have this expectation

491
00:43:18.640 --> 00:43:24.080
that I'm going to have attraction immediately, you know, and then when you don't, you're like,

492
00:43:24.080 --> 00:43:29.760
oh, what's, what's wrong with that? And so you kind of get anxious about it or you get,

493
00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:34.560
you know, avoidant about it or you get like, you start second guessing yourself.

494
00:43:36.160 --> 00:43:41.920
Or let's, let's use another example. You might have this expectation that you go out on a date

495
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:47.680
with somebody or you reach out to someone on a dating app and you have this expectation that

496
00:43:47.680 --> 00:43:54.480
they text you every day and then they don't. Or you go out on a date and you expect them to text

497
00:43:54.480 --> 00:44:00.080
you now all the time and they don't. Or you have an expectation that they don't text you every day

498
00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:05.840
and that they like simmer down and they don't, you know, whatever that looks like. And so you

499
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:14.000
have this expectation and then it doesn't happen that way. And so it stirs something up in you.

500
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:24.480
And so that is when heart work can start happening. And so, um, that's where that

501
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:29.680
curiosity gets to come. Or, um, let me give you a few more examples and then we'll, we'll kind

502
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:35.120
of move forward here. Like how many, and actually this is a good one. I don't know if Catherine is

503
00:44:35.120 --> 00:44:45.600
on here. Carla, can I add one? Yes, absolutely. Tracy. Okay. So, um, I had years back, I had a

504
00:44:45.600 --> 00:44:53.280
spinal stroke that left me sort of paralyzed from the chest down and I had to learn how to walk

505
00:44:53.280 --> 00:44:58.800
again and do all the things. And I still walk with the drop foot and have some problems, you know, so.

506
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.320
Um, it slows me down, but anyways, you know, in the past, I've always, uh,

507
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:12.760
had relationships that was based on physical, you know, uh, attraction

508
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:15.280
and, and, and I'm a lot like you.

509
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:21.320
So this time I'm looking for something different that it's not the physical.

510
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:28.820
So the guy I have been texting and went on, uh, two dates with, I guess you

511
00:45:28.820 --> 00:45:37.340
would say he got ran over by a train and does not, yes, and survived.

512
00:45:37.340 --> 00:45:38.220
You can Google him.

513
00:45:38.540 --> 00:45:44.060
Ah, it's so funny, but, um, I mean, not funny, but he doesn't

514
00:45:44.060 --> 00:45:47.100
have, you know, any legs put it that way.

515
00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:53.380
He is, you know, he has to do everything from his wheelchair, but he's a miracle.

516
00:45:54.020 --> 00:46:02.620
That's amazing, you know, and it's, but it's so hard for me to, like you said,

517
00:46:02.620 --> 00:46:08.980
get past that physical, you know, to know the person, not the body, because

518
00:46:08.980 --> 00:46:15.500
we're a soul and spirit, you know, to, to not look at that body.

519
00:46:15.500 --> 00:46:21.260
Cause we're, you know, the body's not going to go with us, but the soul, the

520
00:46:21.260 --> 00:46:28.020
spirit is, and so I'm trying to connect on that level and it's just so different.

521
00:46:28.580 --> 00:46:29.180
Yeah.

522
00:46:29.300 --> 00:46:30.980
Well, and, um, quick question.

523
00:46:30.980 --> 00:46:34.660
So how long have you, you two been, um, getting to know one another?

524
00:46:34.980 --> 00:46:36.380
Like three weeks.

525
00:46:36.380 --> 00:46:38.340
We've been texting for like three weeks.

526
00:46:38.420 --> 00:46:38.780
Okay.

527
00:46:38.780 --> 00:46:39.740
So that's good.

528
00:46:39.780 --> 00:46:40.140
Yeah.

529
00:46:40.340 --> 00:46:44.380
And so that's why, you know, again, it's, it's not putting that pressure on

530
00:46:44.380 --> 00:46:49.180
yourself of having to focus so much on the physical now that doesn't mean that

531
00:46:49.180 --> 00:46:51.180
at some point that might come up.

532
00:46:51.180 --> 00:46:56.860
And so I don't want you to, I don't want you to, um, I want to caution you, I

533
00:46:56.860 --> 00:47:08.900
guess, and, and encourage you to keep in mind that if physical attraction isn't a

534
00:47:08.900 --> 00:47:16.020
bad thing, if you find yourself ladies, that you are struggling once you've been

535
00:47:16.020 --> 00:47:19.740
getting to know someone of like, I don't know if I can get over this.

536
00:47:20.100 --> 00:47:26.300
That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel shame or condemnation is what I'm saying.

537
00:47:26.340 --> 00:47:26.980
Okay.

538
00:47:28.860 --> 00:47:36.500
It's it's the fact that what we celebrate is taking the time to getting to know the

539
00:47:36.500 --> 00:47:47.580
person like Tracy, it sounds like to me, you are, you are finding out so many

540
00:47:47.580 --> 00:47:54.500
wonderful things just about who he is as a person and how good God is through him.

541
00:47:54.900 --> 00:47:55.420
You know?

542
00:47:55.420 --> 00:48:01.780
And like what, like what treasure just getting to know him actually can be.

543
00:48:02.100 --> 00:48:05.900
We're not looking at, is this man, my husband.

544
00:48:06.260 --> 00:48:14.540
We're looking at, you know, God, how are you using this person in my life to add

545
00:48:14.540 --> 00:48:20.780
value to what you're already doing for me and what you've already done?

546
00:48:21.500 --> 00:48:22.260
Does that make sense?

547
00:48:22.260 --> 00:48:22.820
Ladies?

548
00:48:23.140 --> 00:48:23.620
It does.

549
00:48:23.620 --> 00:48:24.540
Cause God is good.

550
00:48:24.780 --> 00:48:26.100
Thank you for letting me share.

551
00:48:26.700 --> 00:48:27.260
Thank you.

552
00:48:27.260 --> 00:48:28.340
And thank you for sharing that.

553
00:48:28.340 --> 00:48:29.300
So I love that.

554
00:48:29.300 --> 00:48:33.500
Like, um, so that's a good example, ladies.

555
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:40.500
And so I know, especially that physical attraction, it definitely comes up for

556
00:48:40.500 --> 00:48:41.140
sure.

557
00:48:41.420 --> 00:48:46.300
And I know what, that definitely seems to be one of those things that when we, when

558
00:48:46.300 --> 00:48:52.580
we tend to have these conversations about physical attraction and chemistry and, and

559
00:48:52.580 --> 00:48:57.340
you know, but I don't want to date someone that I, I don't find myself physically

560
00:48:57.340 --> 00:49:01.860
attracted or is God going to make me marry someone that I I'm not physically

561
00:49:01.900 --> 00:49:05.580
attracted to that, that we can sometimes step into that.

562
00:49:05.820 --> 00:49:11.820
And so I always want to preface, like, we're not saying to not be physically

563
00:49:11.820 --> 00:49:12.860
attracted to someone.

564
00:49:13.100 --> 00:49:22.140
It's when does that show up and is it at the, are you properly pacing that?

565
00:49:22.620 --> 00:49:22.980
Okay.

566
00:49:22.980 --> 00:49:25.300
It's about, it's okay.

567
00:49:25.340 --> 00:49:31.220
If you're not finding yourself physically attracted in that moment, but it doesn't

568
00:49:31.300 --> 00:49:38.900
mean you have to continue getting to know a person, you know, months and months and

569
00:49:38.900 --> 00:49:39.260
months.

570
00:49:39.260 --> 00:49:43.660
If you can't seem to find yourself physically attracted to somebody, like I

571
00:49:43.660 --> 00:49:45.540
had a one-on-one client.

572
00:49:45.620 --> 00:49:55.740
Um, we had several, several calls and she had probably four one-on-one dates with

573
00:49:55.740 --> 00:49:57.020
this gentleman.

574
00:49:57.020 --> 00:49:59.900
And, you know, he had.

575
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.600
Um, he had, I don't, I wouldn't say it, maybe it was like a disability and it wasn't so much the

576
00:50:07.600 --> 00:50:12.960
physical part. It was some of the genetic stuff that she was really struggling, but she allowed

577
00:50:12.960 --> 00:50:21.280
herself to get to know him. And there, it was a struggle at first, like, I don't know if I can get

578
00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:29.200
past this, but she went through the process and got curious over the course of like four to six

579
00:50:29.200 --> 00:50:34.160
weeks. And, you know, with our, you know, with the coaching that, you know, I did with her,

580
00:50:35.200 --> 00:50:43.680
she finally arrived to this peace and clarity and comfort of, you know, what,

581
00:50:45.680 --> 00:50:52.080
I'm okay, not continuing this relationship. And there was a piece like before when she wasn't

582
00:50:52.080 --> 00:50:57.440
sure, she's like, I don't know. I don't know. And so as she allowed herself the time to get to know

583
00:50:57.440 --> 00:51:04.880
him, she arrived to the clarity. And as she got more information and gathered more information

584
00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:11.840
and God revealed more things to her, she got so much more healing and growth because she allowed

585
00:51:11.840 --> 00:51:19.520
God to walk her through that process of being curious. And so that's why I, I just think there's

586
00:51:19.520 --> 00:51:25.360
so much, um, that we can learn here. And so that's why I just want to encourage you ladies, like

587
00:51:26.160 --> 00:51:34.240
there is no shame with you ladies coming and bringing any of your questions or concerns about

588
00:51:34.240 --> 00:51:44.800
the men that you're dating like ever. Okay. There, what you feel is it's real. Okay. And so,

589
00:51:44.800 --> 00:51:49.840
especially with the, I guess this is where the Lord's taking us is with the physical attraction.

590
00:51:49.840 --> 00:51:56.960
Cause that's a real thing. Um, that I don't want you ladies to ever get discouraged with that.

591
00:51:56.960 --> 00:52:02.960
And, and you most certainly can bring that stuff here. Um, will you be challenged? I mean,

592
00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:08.800
am I going to challenge you a little bit sometimes with that? Of course. Um, but that's not because

593
00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:15.760
I'm like, Oh, you need to just not look at looks. No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying looks

594
00:52:15.760 --> 00:52:24.320
are important. Y'all it, they are 100%. I mean, I have to be very careful when I, when I share

595
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:29.680
that story about my husband, because sometimes, you know, when he hears me share that, he's like,

596
00:52:30.640 --> 00:52:38.400
he gets a little like hurt and, and, and it actually brought up a really great conversation

597
00:52:38.400 --> 00:52:45.520
with us probably like a year or so ago where he's like, he has struggled with feeling, um,

598
00:52:46.720 --> 00:52:52.240
worthy of being married to me at times where he's like, there's times where I felt like

599
00:52:53.280 --> 00:53:00.400
I didn't deserve you Carla. And I'm like, what? I mean, because I had more of the insecurity that

600
00:53:00.400 --> 00:53:05.440
I couldn't possibly think that my husband struggled with the insecurity. And I'm like,

601
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:12.240
whoa, men struggle with insecurity too. And so it was really helpful that, you know, my husband and

602
00:53:12.240 --> 00:53:20.400
I actually got to have a conversation that I'm like, wow, I never realized that he was sometimes

603
00:53:20.400 --> 00:53:27.200
struggling with that as well. And so, um, I don't, that just came out of left field. So I don't know

604
00:53:27.200 --> 00:53:33.760
if that helps anybody with some perspective at all. Um, but again, yeah, it's this, let's go back

605
00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:41.360
to the, you know, having those expectations like ladies, it's okay. When we have these expectations,

606
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:50.000
it's learning when that expectation doesn't meet reality or our expectation

607
00:53:50.960 --> 00:53:59.680
comes in contact with reality. It's then what do we do? So if we don't feel attraction immediately,

608
00:53:59.680 --> 00:54:07.360
what happens if we expect them to text every day and they don't, what happens if we expect to know

609
00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:14.880
after three or four dates, what we think of them or what we should do. And we're still not sure.

610
00:54:15.600 --> 00:54:24.000
What do we do? Um, if we expect heartwork to mean, oh, I'm never going to have to

611
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:27.680
be afraid anymore. Has anybody ever had that?

612
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:37.760
Y'all no. Okay, good. You're like, nope. Cause y'all I'll say like, I thought, oh, I've got heartwork.

613
00:54:38.960 --> 00:54:44.480
I'm not going to have to struggle anymore. I got a very quick awakening.

614
00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:51.120
I got a very quick awakening even after I got married. And I thought, oh, like, cause I had

615
00:54:51.120 --> 00:54:58.080
the thought, oh, I'm married now. I'm not going to have to struggle with the feeling of being lonely.

616
00:54:59.360 --> 00:54:59.760
Nope.

617
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.440
That was a big shocker. No, ladies, sometimes we think,

618
00:55:07.440 --> 00:55:12.240
oh, I'm going to get married and then I'm not going to have to struggle with some of the things

619
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:18.880
that I'm struggling with, and then reality hits. And so we think, oh, well, I've done heart work,

620
00:55:19.440 --> 00:55:24.480
so I'm not going to have to struggle in a relationship anymore. Oh, well, then guess what?

621
00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:32.960
That doesn't necessarily always happen. And so the tool is, and the big takeaway is

622
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:41.920
the question that we ask when that happens, it's being able to say, okay,

623
00:55:44.960 --> 00:55:51.040
Lord, what are you revealing? It isn't why is this happening? It's, Lord, what are you revealing?

624
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:59.200
And so that really is the gift. It's the curiosity. Curiosity doesn't ignore reality.

625
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:09.360
It just refuses to rush you into conclusions. Certainty is going to tell you, I already know

626
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:19.680
what this means. How many of you have been like, oh, this, he didn't text me, so this must mean

627
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:28.080
this, or I'm not attracted to him, so it must mean this, or I don't know how I feel about him,

628
00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:36.000
so it must mean this. I think even I jumped on the app. I was able to briefly look.

629
00:56:37.200 --> 00:56:41.520
And I think someone was even sharing, you know, that is in relationship. They're like,

630
00:56:41.920 --> 00:56:50.320
I really want my boyfriend to say, I love you, but they've already assigned because they're not,

631
00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:58.480
it means that they're less than because they've been divorced. They've already drawn a conclusion

632
00:56:59.600 --> 00:57:06.960
when really it's, what if we, instead of making something a certainty, stop and ask ourselves

633
00:57:07.440 --> 00:57:13.520
a question out of curiosity of Lord, what is it that you want to reveal to me? What is it that you,

634
00:57:14.640 --> 00:57:22.000
you know, what are you doing here? You know, what expectation am I holding onto?

635
00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:32.160
What are you asking me to surrender Lord? And so, you know, it's easy for us to think

636
00:57:32.160 --> 00:57:40.400
it's easy for us to think that heartwork doesn't, you know,

637
00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:51.840
heartwork is going to be easy. It's not ladies. Heartwork doesn't happen because life is easy.

638
00:57:53.600 --> 00:57:58.480
Heartwork happens because life reveals what's already there.

639
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:04.800
Laura, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. She's working on being more curious instead of

640
00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:10.080
less demanding. So she's, she's working on not having to have that certainty. And Laura,

641
00:58:10.080 --> 00:58:16.480
I know like, and I know a bit of your story is, you know, you've been, you know, working through,

642
00:58:16.480 --> 00:58:21.040
you know, that divorce and that, you know, you were divorced for, or you've been, you were married

643
00:58:21.040 --> 00:58:24.880
for many years and there was some certainty there. And then all of a sudden that kind of

644
00:58:24.880 --> 00:58:32.960
didn't, that got uprooted and that threw you back. And so that I can, I, I get that where all

645
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:40.400
of a sudden it's like, I thought I had certainty and I didn't. So now that desire for certainty is,

646
00:58:41.200 --> 00:58:46.640
we think that's going to protect us, right? That's when we go in that self-protective mode

647
00:58:47.360 --> 00:58:53.680
when simply it's, we're partners, we're partners, we're partners, we're partners.

648
00:58:54.160 --> 00:59:02.080
We're partnering with the Lord. That's what heartwork's about is being able to show up

649
00:59:02.080 --> 00:59:07.520
and partner with God when life, when, when our expectations hit reality.

650
00:59:09.200 --> 00:59:14.640
Yeah. That never, never wanting a divorce. And I think that was what, what I just shared too,

651
00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:18.560
with the person that was talking about wanting that they're, they're in a relationship right now

652
00:59:18.560 --> 00:59:24.080
and they have a boyfriend, but they're struggling with this having a boyfriend, but they, they too

653
00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:30.640
didn't want the divorce. And so they're struggling with this idea of like, I never wanted the

654
00:59:30.640 --> 00:59:34.880
divorce and now I'm divorced. And now I'm still, you know, dating and in relationship and,

655
00:59:35.680 --> 00:59:41.600
you know, this uncertainty of, well, I was married once before, then all of a sudden

656
00:59:41.600 --> 00:59:48.320
I didn't want this divorce. And that means I'm unwanted. You see how we, we pick up this idea

657
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:55.680
and this, this, well, I didn't want the divorce, but someone else did. So now I'm sitting here

658
00:59:55.680 --> 00:59:59.840
thinking that I'm unwanted when that simply isn't.

659
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:10.480
case. Y'all are not unwanted. You are wanted, you are chosen. It's learning, okay, now,

660
01:00:11.520 --> 01:00:14.720
because the divorce happened and the reality is there, because guess what?

661
01:00:18.160 --> 01:00:23.440
You aren't the only one part of that relationship. You are not in control of the other person in that

662
01:00:23.440 --> 01:00:29.600
relationship. That other person made a decision too, and keeping that in mind,

663
01:00:31.600 --> 01:00:41.520
and it's being able to navigate life when things don't go as planned, but God can still use all of

664
01:00:41.520 --> 01:00:55.200
that and to partner with him for his purpose. Heartwork happens because life is revealing

665
01:00:55.200 --> 01:01:04.160
what's there, and we don't have to worry about needing to expect everything to happen a certain

666
01:01:04.160 --> 01:01:08.800
way. We just know, you know what? We can actually expect the unexpected to happen.

667
01:01:09.680 --> 01:01:15.680
That's what we can expect. We can expect unexpected things to happen, and we can expect that we're

668
01:01:15.680 --> 01:01:26.240
going to be given opportunity. We can expect for things to happen, and we just start partnering

669
01:01:26.240 --> 01:01:31.840
with, I'm going to expect something to happen, and when it happens, I don't have to feel shame for it.

670
01:01:33.680 --> 01:01:38.080
I can expect something to happen, and when it does, I don't have to have it fixed overnight.

671
01:01:39.600 --> 01:01:43.360
I can expect something to happen, and the one thing that I can be certain of

672
01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:48.560
is I get to be curious with God, and God wants me to be curious with him.

673
01:01:51.840 --> 01:01:58.400
Sound good, ladies? All right. Our activation this week will be pretty simple.

674
01:01:59.040 --> 01:02:03.040
I really just want you ladies to be taking this week of

675
01:02:06.560 --> 01:02:10.720
really sitting down, like when something happens that doesn't go as expected.

676
01:02:13.120 --> 01:02:17.840
So when something doesn't go the way you expected it to go, I want you to share it with the

677
01:02:18.240 --> 01:02:30.240
community, and I want you to ask yourself, Lord, what are you revealing?

678
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:36.080
Let us know what was it that you were expecting,

679
01:02:38.480 --> 01:02:46.160
what happened that wasn't expected, and what you believe the Lord was revealing to you.

680
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:51.760
And you don't even have to say, I know exactly what the Lord,

681
01:02:51.760 --> 01:02:58.480
if you're still wrestling with it, that's okay. So if you just even get to the part like,

682
01:02:58.480 --> 01:03:04.960
this is what I expected to happen, and this is what happened, ladies, I'm okay with you coming

683
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:11.600
to the apothecary, and we can walk through all of that together.

684
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:18.720
And my guess is going to be that many of the women are going to be able to relate.

685
01:03:19.760 --> 01:03:22.800
We're all probably going to be like, oh, that's happened to me too.

686
01:03:25.440 --> 01:03:27.840
That is the one cool thing about this community,

687
01:03:30.400 --> 01:03:36.560
is while we are all different, we all have different situations and circumstances,

688
01:03:36.560 --> 01:03:44.800
they are all very similar. We all can relate to each other. We're all in that same boat.

689
01:03:46.880 --> 01:03:53.280
And so I want you to really lean on one another in that, okay?

690
01:03:55.520 --> 01:03:59.520
Because remember, heartwork isn't revealed when life goes according to plan.

691
01:03:59.760 --> 01:04:04.800
Heartwork is actually frequently revealed when life gets interrupted.

692
01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:15.040
And so when we step into that curiosity, that's when God is able to transform

693
01:04:17.200 --> 01:04:26.880
what disappointment wants to have happen. God actually can use that to transform

694
01:04:27.440 --> 01:04:32.400
God actually can use that to transform us to reveal something even greater and freeing and

695
01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:41.920
more healing. All right, ladies. Okay, I want to hear all your questions. I want them all, okay?

696
01:04:45.440 --> 01:04:50.800
And I thank you, Susan, and I think it was Tracy. I think Tracy might have had to jump off

697
01:04:51.440 --> 01:04:56.960
for sharing earlier. I really appreciate that. Susan, you got another question?

698
01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:58.560
Yeah, I can go.

699
01:04:59.200 --> 01:04:59.760
Go for it.

700
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.000
Thanks.

701
01:05:01.000 --> 01:05:02.000
Okay.

702
01:05:02.000 --> 01:05:08.080
Um, I had emailed you guys, or I had talked to you, I think I posted about it a couple

703
01:05:08.080 --> 01:05:09.080
times.

704
01:05:09.080 --> 01:05:15.000
Um, you had helped me, I met a guy, this is the same guy I messaged about, I met him.

705
01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:16.000
Is this NFL guy?

706
01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:17.000
Yeah.

707
01:05:17.000 --> 01:05:18.000
Okay.

708
01:05:18.000 --> 01:05:22.840
And I met him in June and then I had mentioned to you that it was like really weird cause

709
01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:28.720
it was like six weeks and then he asked me out and I thought that was strange and, um,

710
01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:32.840
he had said that he had been out of town the whole time visiting and family.

711
01:05:32.840 --> 01:05:33.840
Yes.

712
01:05:33.840 --> 01:05:34.840
Anyway, fine.

713
01:05:34.840 --> 01:05:35.840
Whatever.

714
01:05:35.840 --> 01:05:37.440
And, um, so we went to a really nice place.

715
01:05:37.440 --> 01:05:38.440
We had a good date.

716
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:40.960
I mean, you can definitely tell he's young.

717
01:05:40.960 --> 01:05:45.920
So I am holding it with like very low, like it's very unlikely it'll turn into anything,

718
01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:51.920
but, um, I just trying to use each opportunity to learn things.

719
01:05:51.920 --> 01:05:56.800
Um, so he hasn't done anything worthy of cutting him off.

720
01:05:56.880 --> 01:06:03.640
Um, so on the date he had mentioned we should celebrate our birthdays together.

721
01:06:03.640 --> 01:06:09.060
So I'm August 10th, he's August 9th and, um, he was going out of town for his birthday

722
01:06:09.060 --> 01:06:12.360
and he said, when we get back, we should celebrate our birthdays together.

723
01:06:12.360 --> 01:06:14.160
We should go to the water park, we should do this.

724
01:06:14.160 --> 01:06:15.840
And I'm like, all right.

725
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:24.560
So, um, I messaged him happy birthday and he did not respond or message me a happy birthday,

726
01:06:24.560 --> 01:06:25.560
which is fine.

727
01:06:25.560 --> 01:06:26.760
I didn't think too much of it.

728
01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:32.440
And I, I understood what you were explaining to me on the post about the levels and that

729
01:06:32.440 --> 01:06:34.800
ties in with the expectation thing.

730
01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:35.800
Yeah.

731
01:06:35.800 --> 01:06:41.440
Um, so then it took about, it was like two weeks after our birthdays before he reached

732
01:06:41.440 --> 01:06:42.920
back out.

733
01:06:42.920 --> 01:06:48.000
Um, and so again, expectation in my head, I was thinking, oh, he's going to come back

734
01:06:48.000 --> 01:06:53.280
to town about August 10th, August 11th, he'll message me right away.

735
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:55.080
And, um, he didn't.

736
01:06:55.080 --> 01:06:59.360
And I did notice like a little disappointment, but then I, then I was fine.

737
01:06:59.360 --> 01:07:02.400
Um, and then he did start reaching out.

738
01:07:02.400 --> 01:07:08.280
I get kind of like a text probably other every other day, which is, which is good.

739
01:07:08.280 --> 01:07:10.240
Um, just a lot of it.

740
01:07:10.240 --> 01:07:11.240
Good morning.

741
01:07:11.240 --> 01:07:12.520
Like, how are you?

742
01:07:12.520 --> 01:07:13.520
Basic stuff.

743
01:07:13.520 --> 01:07:19.080
Um, nothing too, like nothing like long text conversations, which is great cause I hate

744
01:07:19.080 --> 01:07:20.080
that.

745
01:07:20.080 --> 01:07:28.480
Um, but he hasn't asked, so it's been about two weeks now of like morning, you know, how's

746
01:07:28.480 --> 01:07:29.480
your day?

747
01:07:29.480 --> 01:07:33.960
And I'm like, okay, are you going to, it's just, it's kind of just being, it's kind of

748
01:07:33.960 --> 01:07:34.960
mundane.

749
01:07:34.960 --> 01:07:35.960
Like, yeah.

750
01:07:35.960 --> 01:07:36.960
Yeah.

751
01:07:36.960 --> 01:07:39.880
And I don't know if I should say anything or just kind of like leave it.

752
01:07:39.880 --> 01:07:44.000
Um, like he had mentioned golfing and then I had mentioned wanting to learn and he mentioned

753
01:07:44.000 --> 01:07:45.520
he was going to take me.

754
01:07:45.520 --> 01:07:48.960
Um, but then he never like set like, when are you free?

755
01:07:49.040 --> 01:07:51.400
You know, he never set the plan.

756
01:07:51.400 --> 01:07:58.560
And then I got like a, what are you doing text at like 1230 on a Friday night at night

757
01:07:58.560 --> 01:07:59.560
or 1230 at night.

758
01:07:59.560 --> 01:08:00.560
Uh huh.

759
01:08:00.560 --> 01:08:01.560
Yeah.

760
01:08:01.560 --> 01:08:02.560
Yeah.

761
01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:03.560
Yeah.

762
01:08:03.560 --> 01:08:06.560
I was like, okay, I'm really seeing the age.

763
01:08:06.560 --> 01:08:09.720
Um, like he, he did say he's a believer.

764
01:08:09.720 --> 01:08:12.240
Like we did talk about Jesus on the first date.

765
01:08:12.240 --> 01:08:17.240
Um, but, um, the next day I just kind of was like, Oh, what were you doing?

766
01:08:17.240 --> 01:08:20.359
And he's like, Oh, I was just out with some friends and I thought of you and I was like,

767
01:08:20.359 --> 01:08:21.359
Oh, okay.

768
01:08:21.359 --> 01:08:22.359
You know?

769
01:08:22.359 --> 01:08:23.359
Yeah.

770
01:08:23.359 --> 01:08:24.359
Um, but yeah.

771
01:08:24.359 --> 01:08:25.359
So you let me, I'm sorry.

772
01:08:25.359 --> 01:08:28.479
I didn't, I, I, you said this and I don't, I don't think I caught it.

773
01:08:28.479 --> 01:08:30.399
Did you message him like the next day?

774
01:08:30.399 --> 01:08:31.720
Like you didn't message him at night.

775
01:08:31.720 --> 01:08:33.560
Yeah, no, I was sleeping.

776
01:08:33.560 --> 01:08:37.520
So the next day I just kind of wrote and was like, what were you doing?

777
01:08:37.520 --> 01:08:38.520
Yes.

778
01:08:38.520 --> 01:08:39.520
Good for you.

779
01:08:39.520 --> 01:08:40.520
Yeah.

780
01:08:40.520 --> 01:08:41.520
So.

781
01:08:41.520 --> 01:08:42.520
Okay.

782
01:08:42.520 --> 01:08:43.520
So yeah.

783
01:08:43.520 --> 01:08:46.520
I mean, and you've gone on how many, you've gone on.

784
01:08:46.800 --> 01:08:52.399
Yeah, I just, we just went on one date and, um, but I'm like, okay, why are you, are you

785
01:08:52.399 --> 01:08:53.399
going to go?

786
01:08:53.399 --> 01:08:54.399
Right.

787
01:08:54.399 --> 01:08:55.399
Yeah.

788
01:08:55.399 --> 01:08:56.399
I was, it was a month ago.

789
01:08:56.399 --> 01:08:57.399
Okay.

790
01:08:57.399 --> 01:09:02.600
But he's brought up, like he went out of town for his birthday.

791
01:09:02.600 --> 01:09:05.560
Then it took him like two weeks and he was been back in town for what?

792
01:09:05.560 --> 01:09:06.560
Two weeks.

793
01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:07.560
Yeah.

794
01:09:07.560 --> 01:09:10.240
No, he's probably been back in town for like three or four.

795
01:09:10.240 --> 01:09:11.240
Okay.

796
01:09:11.240 --> 01:09:12.240
Yeah.

797
01:09:12.240 --> 01:09:13.240
So.

798
01:09:13.240 --> 01:09:14.240
Hmm.

799
01:09:14.240 --> 01:09:15.240
Yeah.

800
01:09:15.240 --> 01:09:16.240
Yeah.

801
01:09:16.960 --> 01:09:20.960
So you're, you're one day you're still, you're gathering information, right?

802
01:09:20.960 --> 01:09:23.840
Um, we, we know he's young.

803
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:26.080
We know he's a believer.

804
01:09:26.080 --> 01:09:31.840
Um, he's reaching out, texting every other day.

805
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:36.399
Um, you're, you definitely have information.

806
01:09:36.399 --> 01:09:40.779
Now this is where I would get curious.

807
01:09:40.779 --> 01:09:43.080
So couple things.

808
01:09:43.240 --> 01:09:54.360
Um, first take him out of the equation and get curious with yourself.

809
01:09:54.360 --> 01:09:56.960
What is surfacing in you?

810
01:09:56.960 --> 01:10:00.080
Like what thoughts and beliefs, um,

811
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.880
Is there anything insecure that's coming up?

812
01:10:04.880 --> 01:10:07.920
Anything that's annoying or frustrating that's coming up?

813
01:10:07.920 --> 01:10:10.320
Like, what are some of the thoughts and beliefs?

814
01:10:12.520 --> 01:10:16.280
Are you, like, I mean, good, bad, and ugly.

815
01:10:16.280 --> 01:10:17.360
I mean, all of it.

816
01:10:17.360 --> 01:10:21.720
Like, what's coming to the surface?

817
01:10:21.720 --> 01:10:23.340
Yeah, I mean, I've been really busy,

818
01:10:23.340 --> 01:10:25.760
so I wouldn't have been able to go on a date.

819
01:10:25.760 --> 01:10:27.760
So part of me was like, oh, I hope he doesn't ask me

820
01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:31.360
because I'm going to have to put him off for a week or two.

821
01:10:31.360 --> 01:10:34.360
But there's a little bit of, like, a little bit of,

822
01:10:34.360 --> 01:10:35.600
it's really subtle.

823
01:10:35.600 --> 01:10:38.960
Like, OK, a little bit of irritation now.

824
01:10:38.960 --> 01:10:40.440
I don't even want to say irritation,

825
01:10:40.440 --> 01:10:44.480
but a little bit of like, all right,

826
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:47.480
I'm not looking for a text friend here.

827
01:10:47.480 --> 01:10:49.760
Yes.

828
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:53.840
I can feel maybe some just, like, dismissing it already.

829
01:10:53.840 --> 01:10:54.480
He's young.

830
01:10:54.480 --> 01:10:56.600
It's probably not going to be anything anyway.

831
01:10:56.600 --> 01:11:01.000
Like, a little bit of, like, even, like, his text message,

832
01:11:01.000 --> 01:11:03.600
like, some of his messages, like, you can tell he's young.

833
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:07.600
Just the way, like, one morning, I was like, oh, I'm good.

834
01:11:07.600 --> 01:11:10.240
I was just in the pool praying and having some alone time.

835
01:11:10.240 --> 01:11:11.440
And he's like, I love that.

836
01:11:11.440 --> 01:11:16.840
Like, I don't know, it's just the way, like, he speaks.

837
01:11:16.840 --> 01:11:18.800
It kind of makes me, like, laugh.

838
01:11:18.800 --> 01:11:23.680
OK, I'm going to, OK, can I press you a little bit?

839
01:11:23.680 --> 01:11:26.000
OK, you're good with that?

840
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:27.400
Can I big sister you?

841
01:11:27.400 --> 01:11:28.240
Yeah.

842
01:11:28.240 --> 01:11:29.280
OK.

843
01:11:29.280 --> 01:11:32.120
You're like, yeah, like, you're not sure.

844
01:11:32.120 --> 01:11:34.520
Oh, no, no, it's OK, you can.

845
01:11:34.520 --> 01:11:35.040
OK.

846
01:11:40.160 --> 01:11:43.800
I'm going to ask you, because this is what I'm,

847
01:11:43.800 --> 01:11:45.560
you've said this a couple of times.

848
01:11:48.240 --> 01:11:51.040
It's, you kind of said, like, it's

849
01:11:51.040 --> 01:11:53.560
not like it's going to be anything anyway.

850
01:11:53.600 --> 01:11:56.680
You see how you are kind of just dismissing it

851
01:11:56.680 --> 01:11:59.880
from being anything anyway?

852
01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:04.320
But then that's why I asked you, like, but just you

853
01:12:04.320 --> 01:12:08.880
share with me that, like, real, like, I mean, all of it.

854
01:12:08.880 --> 01:12:11.120
But then you also shared there is still

855
01:12:11.120 --> 01:12:15.720
some subtle irritation, which I feel that.

856
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:18.800
Like, I would be irritated, too.

857
01:12:18.800 --> 01:12:21.120
Like, I'm just going to be, I'll be real with you.

858
01:12:21.120 --> 01:12:25.320
That would irritate me, too.

859
01:12:25.320 --> 01:12:28.640
My question, and where I'm going to start getting curious,

860
01:12:28.640 --> 01:12:33.480
is taking him completely out of the equation.

861
01:12:33.480 --> 01:12:37.560
I want to start asking questions.

862
01:12:37.560 --> 01:12:45.240
Where else in your life do you think, and ask yourself,

863
01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:49.320
have you done this before, where you've kind of just pushed off

864
01:12:49.320 --> 01:12:56.480
or dismissed or justified things just not working out?

865
01:12:56.480 --> 01:12:58.440
Kind of like, oh, nothing's really

866
01:12:58.440 --> 01:12:59.760
going to happen with it anyway.

867
01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:02.560
Oh, it's OK, because I've been busy anyway.

868
01:13:02.560 --> 01:13:04.080
It's fine if he doesn't call.

869
01:13:04.080 --> 01:13:05.960
I'm kind of glad he didn't.

870
01:13:05.960 --> 01:13:09.400
Where you secretly, like, honestly,

871
01:13:09.400 --> 01:13:10.880
like, if he would have asked you,

872
01:13:10.880 --> 01:13:12.920
like, it would have felt good, right?

873
01:13:12.920 --> 01:13:14.200
Yeah.

874
01:13:14.200 --> 01:13:18.640
But you're not sitting here thinking,

875
01:13:18.640 --> 01:13:22.240
which, again, it's OK that he didn't.

876
01:13:22.240 --> 01:13:25.560
But do you see how there's a little bit more emphasis on,

877
01:13:25.560 --> 01:13:28.920
I'm still irritated, but now I'm kind of,

878
01:13:28.920 --> 01:13:34.480
I'm not really wanting to address the irritation.

879
01:13:34.480 --> 01:13:39.120
I'm still kind of pushing that irritation subtly aside,

880
01:13:39.120 --> 01:13:41.320
because I'm kind of saying, well, it wouldn't really

881
01:13:41.320 --> 01:13:44.440
happen anyway, and I was really busy.

882
01:13:44.480 --> 01:13:49.800
Where have you, is there anything in your life

883
01:13:49.800 --> 01:13:52.560
or a pattern that you've seen in your life

884
01:13:52.560 --> 01:13:55.200
that that surfaces frequently?

885
01:13:55.200 --> 01:13:56.400
Yeah.

886
01:13:56.400 --> 01:13:58.080
Yeah, I can see that I do that a lot,

887
01:13:58.080 --> 01:14:00.240
or I did it in past relationships, yeah.

888
01:14:00.240 --> 01:14:02.920
OK, that's where I want you to start

889
01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:06.240
getting curious with the Lord.

890
01:14:06.240 --> 01:14:07.120
OK.

891
01:14:07.120 --> 01:14:10.120
OK?

892
01:14:10.120 --> 01:14:13.720
Because I don't, again, I think once you spend some time

893
01:14:13.720 --> 01:14:18.520
with the Lord with this, you're, because here, ladies,

894
01:14:18.520 --> 01:14:20.480
this is what I, and I think this is even

895
01:14:20.480 --> 01:14:25.320
what I was wanting to share with some of the ladies in the app

896
01:14:25.320 --> 01:14:29.440
once I can get my internet really working.

897
01:14:29.440 --> 01:14:31.360
And a little insight that I want to,

898
01:14:31.360 --> 01:14:33.000
I think I want to share with all of you

899
01:14:33.000 --> 01:14:37.040
that I think will be helpful, is we often

900
01:14:37.040 --> 01:14:42.600
come into this community with direct questions

901
01:14:42.600 --> 01:14:46.600
of specific things that are happening in our life.

902
01:14:46.600 --> 01:14:48.560
Like, what do I do with this situation?

903
01:14:48.560 --> 01:14:49.440
What do I do with that?

904
01:14:49.440 --> 01:14:51.960
Like, what should I do with this guy?

905
01:14:51.960 --> 01:14:54.720
What should I do with this sort of thing, right?

906
01:14:54.720 --> 01:14:56.920
We, do you all know what I mean?

907
01:14:56.920 --> 01:14:58.760
Like, we relate.

908
01:14:58.760 --> 01:15:01.200
I'm seeing some head shake.

909
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.260
Like, like, totally, like, that's, I mean, if you look through our app, like, that's,

910
01:15:08.260 --> 01:15:12.800
that's what we do. Like, that's what we're here for. Like, I want you ladies to come

911
01:15:12.800 --> 01:15:20.500
with your questions like that. Now where the coaching part comes is, yes, myself and Ebony,

912
01:15:20.500 --> 01:15:27.280
we want to help you get to those, okay, here's some things that you can do. Where the heart

913
01:15:27.280 --> 01:15:36.920
work piece comes in is let's start uncovering. Is there a pattern here? Because oftentimes

914
01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:42.200
what I will see in all the years that one I've, when I've been a student here at last

915
01:15:42.200 --> 01:15:50.160
year single, and then now having coached for about three years is frequently you ladies

916
01:15:50.160 --> 01:15:57.520
will find those answers will be revealed to you and you'll figure out what you need

917
01:15:57.520 --> 01:16:07.440
to do when you get to the root of what it is that God's revealing to you. Does that

918
01:16:07.440 --> 01:16:16.280
make sense? So I think once you spend some time with that curiosity of like, Lord, like,

919
01:16:16.280 --> 01:16:23.040
what are you trying to show me? And what's being revealed here with, you know, this,

920
01:16:23.040 --> 01:16:31.480
I'm disappointed that this, this guy is kind of got one foot in and one foot out. He's

921
01:16:31.480 --> 01:16:37.480
a little young or some potential there, but he's not really showing full potential. Seems

922
01:16:37.480 --> 01:16:47.600
like he's interested, but kind of not. So what's happening here, Lord? Like what, like,

923
01:16:47.600 --> 01:16:56.040
what is it about this situation that I'm like, I want to be open to it, but I'm upset. Do

924
01:16:56.040 --> 01:17:01.840
you see what like, okay. It's okay that he doesn't cause I'm busy, but there's still

925
01:17:01.840 --> 01:17:10.400
this part of me that feels disappointed. Like what, where does that come from? God?

926
01:17:10.400 --> 01:17:19.480
What are you showing me? What pattern is coming up? What, what are you trying to heal? And

927
01:17:19.480 --> 01:17:29.300
when you walk through what belief is starting to frequently surface over and over and over

928
01:17:29.300 --> 01:17:36.020
and becoming a pattern, once you kind of, once God can, can sit with you and you start

929
01:17:36.020 --> 01:17:42.020
becoming more attuned into what it is that God wants to, what truth he wants to reveal

930
01:17:42.020 --> 01:17:49.780
to you, you're going to get so grounded in that, that you'll realize, oh, I'm just going

931
01:17:49.780 --> 01:17:54.540
to do this. I'm going to like, you can just say, you know what? I'm just going to let

932
01:17:54.540 --> 01:18:00.780
him know, Hey, I appreciate getting to know you, but, um, I see that this is going to

933
01:18:00.780 --> 01:18:05.260
go in a different direction, or you might decide, you know what? I'm going to be bold

934
01:18:05.260 --> 01:18:13.220
and say, Hey, so, you know, I'm not looking for a pen pal here. Are you wanting to get

935
01:18:13.220 --> 01:18:19.780
to know me? Like, what are you looking for? I mean, you'll, you'll see what, what naturally

936
01:18:19.780 --> 01:18:26.180
feels comfortable and confident and gives you peace. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally.

937
01:18:26.180 --> 01:18:32.020
Because once you sit and get grounded with what it is that the Lord really wants to spend time

938
01:18:32.020 --> 01:18:38.180
with you on all of those other, like, what do I do about this situation about this particular

939
01:18:38.180 --> 01:18:44.660
person? It will come to surface because you'll have that certainty already. Cause I, I mean,

940
01:18:44.660 --> 01:18:48.100
I can give you like, Hey, you could do this, or you could do this, or you could do this

941
01:18:48.420 --> 01:18:57.060
and you could listen to any of those pieces of advice. But the important thing that you

942
01:18:57.060 --> 01:19:05.220
ladies are doing is that y'all are each individually going to the Lord. So that when

943
01:19:05.220 --> 01:19:11.300
us coaches do give you some advice of here are some things that you can do. God is going to

944
01:19:11.700 --> 01:19:19.700
God is going to highlight more specifically what he is directing you to do. And your coaches are

945
01:19:19.700 --> 01:19:25.540
now just more of a resource. We don't want to be your source ladies. We don't want to be the, Hey,

946
01:19:25.540 --> 01:19:30.740
go do this. This is what you should do. Cause then guess what? Now we, now we're your source

947
01:19:32.020 --> 01:19:38.180
and this coaches should never be your source for a resource that God can use.

948
01:19:38.980 --> 01:19:46.500
Your source is God. So that's why I think this get curious is a really good teaching.

949
01:19:49.060 --> 01:19:54.500
Does that help? Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I think I just had so much skepticism of like,

950
01:19:54.500 --> 01:19:59.780
Oh, he's 28. He's probably not ready for anything anyway. You know, then I'm.

951
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.000
And that could be it.

952
01:20:01.000 --> 01:20:05.000
I mean, and it could be because he's young, but do you see how there might be something

953
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:07.280
else that the Lord wants to work and heal?

954
01:20:07.280 --> 01:20:08.280
Yeah.

955
01:20:08.280 --> 01:20:09.280
I mean.

956
01:20:09.280 --> 01:20:10.280
He could be using.

957
01:20:10.280 --> 01:20:11.280
Yeah.

958
01:20:11.280 --> 01:20:12.760
I could just ask, what are you looking for?

959
01:20:12.760 --> 01:20:22.080
You could be like, you know what, Susan, like you're, you're a cherished treasure and you

960
01:20:22.080 --> 01:20:25.460
shouldn't cut yourself short.

961
01:20:25.460 --> 01:20:28.980
You should be sought after and pursued.

962
01:20:28.980 --> 01:20:34.620
And you know, when a guy, you know, wants to celebrate you, it's okay to want to be

963
01:20:34.620 --> 01:20:42.860
celebrated and it's okay to desire for a man that says, Hey, I want to celebrate you.

964
01:20:42.860 --> 01:20:50.220
We should go do something and then desire for that man to follow through on that and

965
01:20:50.220 --> 01:20:59.500
to feel cherished and appreciated and treasured for that and not have to feel like, Oh, well,

966
01:20:59.500 --> 01:21:00.500
I'm busy.

967
01:21:00.500 --> 01:21:01.820
So it's okay.

968
01:21:01.820 --> 01:21:02.820
Or you know what?

969
01:21:02.820 --> 01:21:03.820
Maybe he's just young.

970
01:21:03.820 --> 01:21:05.500
I'll, I'll, you know what?

971
01:21:05.500 --> 01:21:08.100
He's not a bad person, which you're right.

972
01:21:08.100 --> 01:21:13.340
He's probably, he's not a bad person, but you are also not a bad person, Susan, for

973
01:21:13.340 --> 01:21:21.860
wanting to be treasured and cherished and having a man show up and treating you in a

974
01:21:21.860 --> 01:21:28.700
way that is the princess.

975
01:21:28.700 --> 01:21:32.260
Yes, absolutely.

976
01:21:32.260 --> 01:21:33.380
I don't think that's just for you.

977
01:21:33.380 --> 01:21:35.940
I think that goes for a lot of you women on this call.

978
01:21:36.340 --> 01:21:47.940
Like I feel that resonate, like I do, like that's, I think that's what so many of us

979
01:21:47.940 --> 01:21:51.300
women want and desire.

980
01:21:51.300 --> 01:21:57.580
Women want to be cherished and we, I think God wants us to be cherished because he knows

981
01:21:57.580 --> 01:21:59.540
what a gift we are.

982
01:21:59.540 --> 01:22:03.300
We are his treasure.

983
01:22:03.300 --> 01:22:09.460
We are his daughters, y'all.

984
01:22:09.460 --> 01:22:14.620
And we are gifts and our husbands are gifts.

985
01:22:14.620 --> 01:22:25.420
Like I always, I look at that scripture of, um, oh, I just had it, um, actually just heard

986
01:22:25.420 --> 01:22:31.420
lots of teaching on this, um, about prayers being answered.

987
01:22:31.540 --> 01:22:33.460
And this actually goes towards men.

988
01:22:33.460 --> 01:22:42.460
Men's prayers will not get answered if they, if they do not treat his daughters well.

989
01:22:42.460 --> 01:22:48.900
And so it was, it's, it's funny cause you know, like, you know, you, you hear like,

990
01:22:48.900 --> 01:22:55.180
you know, you know, pastors talk to husbands and wives and things like that.

991
01:22:55.180 --> 01:23:04.020
And that is one thing that you'll hear preach to husbands is you better treat your wife

992
01:23:04.020 --> 01:23:15.740
well, you know, yes, like we want, you know, as wives, like, yes, we, we, um, we are submissive

993
01:23:15.740 --> 01:23:23.100
and we, you know, we're helpmates to our husbands, but that does not use against, like, that's

994
01:23:23.100 --> 01:23:27.940
not a thing that like, oh, we have to like do everything, you know, like, I don't know

995
01:23:27.940 --> 01:23:28.940
what else I'm trying to say here.

996
01:23:28.940 --> 01:23:36.220
I hope I'm trying to get this out, out correctly, but it is a partnership.

997
01:23:36.220 --> 01:23:43.620
There are, you know, wives have a role and so do husbands.

998
01:23:43.620 --> 01:23:45.140
It is a partnership.

999
01:23:45.140 --> 01:23:50.020
There is a, you know, we don't do the same things, but we do things together.

1000
01:23:50.020 --> 01:23:51.340
Does that make sense?

1001
01:23:51.340 --> 01:24:03.180
And so, um, that's what I think of like, it is okay for women to desire, to feel cherished

1002
01:24:03.180 --> 01:24:10.300
and honored and understood and loved and safe and secure and protected.

1003
01:24:10.300 --> 01:24:13.600
And that is 100% okay.

1004
01:24:13.600 --> 01:24:17.020
It doesn't make us entitled, okay.

1005
01:24:17.020 --> 01:24:23.500
We still have a heart posture to come and honor and serve and respect men as well.

1006
01:24:23.500 --> 01:24:31.340
And we, we can value, um, what men offer in a relationship and a marriage as well.

1007
01:24:31.340 --> 01:24:43.860
Um, but it doesn't mean ladies that we have to become less than to a husband.

1008
01:24:43.860 --> 01:24:49.740
We become partners, equal partners.

1009
01:24:49.740 --> 01:24:52.660
Doesn't mean we have equal roles.

1010
01:24:52.660 --> 01:24:54.700
We are equal partners.

1011
01:24:54.700 --> 01:24:55.860
Okay.

1012
01:24:55.860 --> 01:24:58.820
We have different roles.

1013
01:24:58.820 --> 01:24:59.580
Is that how?

1014
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.400
I don't see any other hands going up.

1015
01:25:02.400 --> 01:25:04.220
So I'm kind of just like trying to kill time here.

1016
01:25:04.220 --> 01:25:07.620
Does anybody else have another question we can, can get to?

1017
01:25:07.620 --> 01:25:09.060
Thanks, Carla.

1018
01:25:09.060 --> 01:25:11.020
You're welcome.

1019
01:25:13.580 --> 01:25:15.460
Hi.

1020
01:25:15.460 --> 01:25:17.860
Hi. I see a Zoom user.

1021
01:25:17.860 --> 01:25:19.340
I don't know who this is though.

1022
01:25:19.340 --> 01:25:20.820
This is Stephanie.

1023
01:25:20.820 --> 01:25:22.520
I don't know why it's doing that.

1024
01:25:22.520 --> 01:25:26.180
Hi. Yeah, I don't know why my picture's not coming up.

1025
01:25:26.180 --> 01:25:27.580
It's okay.

1026
01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:30.360
Anyways, it's me.

1027
01:25:30.360 --> 01:25:31.520
I don't really have a question.

1028
01:25:31.520 --> 01:25:34.400
I guess more just like of an update overall.

1029
01:25:34.400 --> 01:25:35.280
Yes.

1030
01:25:35.280 --> 01:25:41.840
I had posted on the app that,

1031
01:25:41.840 --> 01:25:44.160
so I was feeling really overwhelmed with creating that.

1032
01:25:44.160 --> 01:25:46.960
So I was like, I'm not doing this again.

1033
01:25:46.960 --> 01:25:50.000
And I was just like so discouraged by the whole thing.

1034
01:25:50.000 --> 01:25:51.680
So I posted that.

1035
01:25:51.680 --> 01:25:52.840
And then you guys told me, you know,

1036
01:25:52.840 --> 01:25:56.040
just make sure it's more of discovery than anything else,

1037
01:25:56.060 --> 01:25:58.660
which helped me immensely because now it's like,

1038
01:25:58.660 --> 01:26:01.180
I only go on the app for 30 minutes a day.

1039
01:26:01.180 --> 01:26:02.500
You know, I'm not sitting there scrolling,

1040
01:26:02.500 --> 01:26:03.340
scrolling, scrolling.

1041
01:26:03.340 --> 01:26:05.980
It's like, like you were saying before,

1042
01:26:05.980 --> 01:26:10.780
like I think because of my own insecurities,

1043
01:26:10.780 --> 01:26:14.180
like I was always looking for this guy that was like,

1044
01:26:14.180 --> 01:26:16.380
you know, like the handsomest guy, you know,

1045
01:26:16.380 --> 01:26:19.540
he doesn't have green eyes, if he's not six foot,

1046
01:26:19.540 --> 01:26:20.620
if he doesn't have a six, you know,

1047
01:26:20.620 --> 01:26:24.580
like I was like very into looks, I guess.

1048
01:26:24.580 --> 01:26:26.160
I mean, I still am, I'm not saying that I'm not.

1049
01:26:26.160 --> 01:26:29.960
Yeah, and I can relate to that too, 100%.

1050
01:26:29.960 --> 01:26:32.160
My ex was extremely good looking and like,

1051
01:26:33.360 --> 01:26:34.200
he knew it too,

1052
01:26:34.200 --> 01:26:38.080
though, which made things difficult because he was-

1053
01:26:38.080 --> 01:26:39.200
Oh, for sure.

1054
01:26:39.200 --> 01:26:40.040
I think, yeah.

1055
01:26:41.240 --> 01:26:43.000
I know what that's like too.

1056
01:26:43.000 --> 01:26:44.440
Oh my God.

1057
01:26:44.440 --> 01:26:48.160
So, but it's funny because we went to high school together

1058
01:26:48.160 --> 01:26:49.960
and we grew up in the same town.

1059
01:26:49.960 --> 01:26:52.480
And in high school, he was like,

1060
01:26:52.480 --> 01:26:55.140
voted like, you know, best physique or whatever.

1061
01:26:55.140 --> 01:26:56.580
And I was like such a nerd,

1062
01:26:56.580 --> 01:26:58.020
like I didn't have a lot of friends in high school.

1063
01:26:58.020 --> 01:26:59.660
So I think it was just like,

1064
01:26:59.660 --> 01:27:01.900
re-seeing him again and him being interested in me.

1065
01:27:01.900 --> 01:27:02.900
I don't know.

1066
01:27:02.900 --> 01:27:03.820
It was like a whole thing.

1067
01:27:03.820 --> 01:27:08.820
So anyways, so I met this one guy,

1068
01:27:11.780 --> 01:27:13.820
Tyler, who was in Texas.

1069
01:27:13.820 --> 01:27:14.820
Yes.

1070
01:27:14.820 --> 01:27:17.340
And yeah, and he like, he loves the Lord.

1071
01:27:18.200 --> 01:27:22.640
He has like, he has been divorced.

1072
01:27:22.640 --> 01:27:25.000
He has children, but they're older.

1073
01:27:25.000 --> 01:27:29.040
He's 43, but his kids are like college age.

1074
01:27:29.040 --> 01:27:31.600
So they don't live with him anymore.

1075
01:27:31.600 --> 01:27:34.920
He's just like, has a very similar testimony to mine.

1076
01:27:34.920 --> 01:27:35.920
Yes.

1077
01:27:35.920 --> 01:27:38.320
He was an alcoholic and not that I was an alcoholic,

1078
01:27:38.320 --> 01:27:40.840
I was a drug addict, but you know, similar.

1079
01:27:40.840 --> 01:27:44.560
Anyways, so, but he's like, you know,

1080
01:27:44.580 --> 01:27:47.500
we started devotional together and all this stuff.

1081
01:27:47.500 --> 01:27:49.900
And like, just talking to me about like the Bible

1082
01:27:49.900 --> 01:27:51.460
and I was just like, wow, this is amazing.

1083
01:27:51.460 --> 01:27:54.820
And he has like a very stable, like great job.

1084
01:27:54.820 --> 01:27:56.380
You know, he wants to buy a house,

1085
01:27:56.380 --> 01:27:58.500
like what he wants to leave for a partner,

1086
01:27:58.500 --> 01:28:01.380
like just such a genuine, like fine, sweet,

1087
01:28:01.380 --> 01:28:02.220
amazing person.

1088
01:28:02.220 --> 01:28:06.420
So anyways, so we met and then he told me like a couple of

1089
01:28:06.420 --> 01:28:07.500
days after we met, he's like,

1090
01:28:07.500 --> 01:28:10.660
I just want to let you know that I deleted the app.

1091
01:28:10.660 --> 01:28:12.980
And he's like, I'm not telling you to do it by any means.

1092
01:28:12.980 --> 01:28:15.000
You know, I'm not trying to like, and you know,

1093
01:28:15.000 --> 01:28:16.320
he's like, I just want to let you know,

1094
01:28:16.320 --> 01:28:17.960
I just want it to be honest and let you know,

1095
01:28:17.960 --> 01:28:19.820
that's what I did because he's like,

1096
01:28:19.820 --> 01:28:22.000
I can't focus on more than one person at a time.

1097
01:28:22.000 --> 01:28:24.640
He's like, it's just, it's overwhelming for me.

1098
01:28:24.640 --> 01:28:26.200
And I'm like, no, I totally understand.

1099
01:28:26.200 --> 01:28:27.640
You know, thank you for letting me know.

1100
01:28:27.640 --> 01:28:30.920
But you know, I just want to let you know that I'm kind of

1101
01:28:30.920 --> 01:28:34.000
like new to this whole dating the right way thing.

1102
01:28:34.000 --> 01:28:36.440
And, you know, so I don't even think I explained all this.

1103
01:28:36.440 --> 01:28:39.120
I just basically said to him, thanks for letting me know.

1104
01:28:39.120 --> 01:28:40.520
I'm still going to keep, you know,

1105
01:28:40.540 --> 01:28:43.220
I'm still going to stay on the app, still dating.

1106
01:28:43.220 --> 01:28:45.300
Yeah. And how did he take that?

1107
01:28:45.300 --> 01:28:46.140
And he was great.

1108
01:28:46.140 --> 01:28:47.380
He was like, no, awesome.

1109
01:28:47.380 --> 01:28:49.460
Thank you for being honest with me.

1110
01:28:49.460 --> 01:28:51.380
I wouldn't expect you to, I just, you know,

1111
01:28:51.380 --> 01:28:53.580
I just wanted to be completely transparent with you.

1112
01:28:53.580 --> 01:28:54.980
And I was like, okay, great.

1113
01:28:56.100 --> 01:28:56.940
So that was great.

1114
01:28:56.940 --> 01:29:00.660
And then it just so happened that I was at a work event

1115
01:29:00.660 --> 01:29:04.500
last Thursday and I met this guy, Ryan, who's much younger.

1116
01:29:04.500 --> 01:29:05.860
I mean, he's like 30.

1117
01:29:05.860 --> 01:29:08.060
He has his own house, so he works in my industry.

1118
01:29:08.060 --> 01:29:09.860
He's also in sales.

1119
01:29:09.860 --> 01:29:11.560
We know a lot of people that know each other

1120
01:29:11.560 --> 01:29:13.520
and we just like, we hit it off.

1121
01:29:13.520 --> 01:29:16.120
It was like a golf outing and we hit it off.

1122
01:29:16.120 --> 01:29:18.560
And so he asked me out, he's Catholic.

1123
01:29:19.720 --> 01:29:21.360
And then we went out Saturday night for dinner

1124
01:29:21.360 --> 01:29:22.920
and I was not expecting much.

1125
01:29:22.920 --> 01:29:24.640
I was just like, you know, he's young.

1126
01:29:24.640 --> 01:29:25.720
He probably doesn't know what he wants.

1127
01:29:25.720 --> 01:29:28.120
You know, he probably whatever I was, you know,

1128
01:29:28.120 --> 01:29:30.200
already getting all these reservations in my mind,

1129
01:29:30.200 --> 01:29:31.160
but I'm like, it doesn't matter

1130
01:29:31.160 --> 01:29:33.640
because it's just for discovery.

1131
01:29:33.640 --> 01:29:36.680
So I went out, we actually had an amazing time.

1132
01:29:36.700 --> 01:29:41.700
And then he has pretty much texted me every day since.

1133
01:29:42.260 --> 01:29:44.180
And he's like, you know, I want you to come over

1134
01:29:44.180 --> 01:29:45.580
and I'll cook for you and all this stuff.

1135
01:29:45.580 --> 01:29:49.220
And I'm just like, I don't think that's what I want to do.

1136
01:29:49.220 --> 01:29:50.060
I don't know.

1137
01:29:50.060 --> 01:29:54.020
I would probably just prefer to stay like in,

1138
01:29:54.020 --> 01:29:57.100
like not at his house because I just feel like,

1139
01:29:57.100 --> 01:29:59.660
I don't know, like from like past experience,

1140
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.840
I don't know necessarily know that he's trying to like do anything physical but

1141
01:30:05.840 --> 01:30:09.880
I just feel like if he was it would be a lot easier than that scenario so I just

1142
01:30:09.880 --> 01:30:14.800
kind of feel like yeah no I think that's wise that you're yeah I think that's

1143
01:30:14.800 --> 01:30:20.520
really why ladies and I and I think this is really good just to even just share

1144
01:30:20.520 --> 01:30:28.520
with the group as a whole is ladies physical boundaries is is huge and

1145
01:30:28.520 --> 01:30:34.440
Stephanie I think this is really I think it's really really wise okay that

1146
01:30:34.440 --> 01:30:39.520
you know you yes you met him in a work event and that's great there's lots of

1147
01:30:39.520 --> 01:30:47.280
people around and you've gone on one date that's still really early to be

1148
01:30:47.280 --> 01:30:56.120
putting yourself in a situation where you are alone with someone in either

1149
01:30:56.120 --> 01:31:02.640
their house or your house like ladies I do not encourage actually all of us

1150
01:31:02.640 --> 01:31:10.840
coaches at last year single will not encourage you to invite a man over to

1151
01:31:10.840 --> 01:31:18.760
your place or go over to a man's place or be anywhere alone with them for you

1152
01:31:18.760 --> 01:31:24.040
know a significant amount of time until you've really have gotten to know them

1153
01:31:24.040 --> 01:31:30.800
so those beginning of the get to know you stages I mean that first month or

1154
01:31:30.800 --> 01:31:37.880
two first couple dates like I would not encourage that I would wait I mean you

1155
01:31:37.880 --> 01:31:43.120
want to make sure that you know them you've you know they've gotten to know

1156
01:31:43.120 --> 01:31:46.840
you you you've gotten to know some of their people they've gotten to know your

1157
01:31:46.840 --> 01:31:52.640
people like you've gotten comfortable with getting to know them and I know

1158
01:31:52.760 --> 01:31:58.640
again everyone's situation is gonna be different my biggest strongest

1159
01:31:58.640 --> 01:32:06.800
encouragement for you ladies is if you're not sure bring it here we'll walk

1160
01:32:06.800 --> 01:32:16.320
you through that process and so I I'm curious how is he frequently bringing

1161
01:32:16.320 --> 01:32:21.320
that up and then when he does like what are you sharing with him are you are you

1162
01:32:21.320 --> 01:32:28.280
putting up a boundary if you haven't is like what's what's the reservation for

1163
01:32:28.280 --> 01:32:35.040
not sharing it tell me a little bit about that so basically um this is the

1164
01:32:35.040 --> 01:32:39.200
first time you brought it up um you know he did say something like when we were

1165
01:32:39.200 --> 01:32:43.440
out he was like you know oh this steak is amazing you know I also cook steak

1166
01:32:43.440 --> 01:32:48.240
like I took it so good you know one day you'll have to try it you know okay

1167
01:32:48.240 --> 01:32:53.200
whatever but then yeah today he texted and was like you know when are you free

1168
01:32:53.200 --> 01:33:00.080
next and I I dance like competitively so I dance almost every night of the week

1169
01:33:00.080 --> 01:33:03.600
which is actually kind of good sometimes because then I'm just like well I'm not

1170
01:33:03.600 --> 01:33:06.960
free Monday through Friday which I can make an exception like I can always not

1171
01:33:06.960 --> 01:33:11.000
go to class but I don't really like to but it's good because then it kind of

1172
01:33:11.000 --> 01:33:15.040
pushes it out because he was like you know you want to come over like one day

1173
01:33:16.040 --> 01:33:21.880
no I'm so I told him I'm like I'm not free until Saturday anyways you know

1174
01:33:21.880 --> 01:33:24.760
whatever oh well do you want to come over that's when he asked oh do you want

1175
01:33:24.760 --> 01:33:28.520
to come over on Saturday I can show you like whatever and I haven't even I

1176
01:33:28.520 --> 01:33:34.560
haven't responded to me like I don't know 30 minutes ago okay

1177
01:33:34.560 --> 01:33:38.720
did I have an event on Saturday and I'm going to Miami the next day for a week

1178
01:33:38.720 --> 01:33:44.160
so I'm probably not even gonna be around but I don't know if yeah I don't know if

1179
01:33:44.160 --> 01:33:54.400
I need to like address it head-on or if I need to what time okay let me let's

1180
01:33:54.400 --> 01:34:03.000
let's let's what time on Saturday is your thing that you have to go to it's

1181
01:34:03.000 --> 01:34:07.720
actually at 12 it's like my friends from my old church are renewing their vows so

1182
01:34:08.440 --> 01:34:14.440
probably need to like three or four maybe five at the latest but again I'm

1183
01:34:14.440 --> 01:34:19.120
flying the next morning so like I have to okay that's fine so this is here's

1184
01:34:19.120 --> 01:34:25.320
here's the thing that you can offer okay so and this is this is gonna be you

1185
01:34:25.320 --> 01:34:31.000
putting up the boundary because you've already expressed like you you already

1186
01:34:31.000 --> 01:34:35.800
are not okay with going to his house and we're gonna encourage you not to do that

1187
01:34:35.800 --> 01:34:40.360
too okay I'm not personally I don't feel comfortable doing that yes so I

1188
01:34:40.360 --> 01:34:46.440
want you to feel strong in that I want you I want you to take notice that in

1189
01:34:46.440 --> 01:34:53.960
the future if you recognize when men say that I want you to recognize what

1190
01:34:53.960 --> 01:35:02.000
happens inside you oh I already know what happens

1191
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.280
Sorry, me.

1192
01:35:01.280 --> 01:35:07.320
OK, but then what is it that is there a,

1193
01:35:07.320 --> 01:35:11.400
do you feel comfortable letting them know right away,

1194
01:35:11.400 --> 01:35:14.440
like, hey, I appreciate the offer,

1195
01:35:14.440 --> 01:35:16.960
but I'm not comfortable with that

1196
01:35:16.960 --> 01:35:18.680
until we've gotten to know each other,

1197
01:35:18.680 --> 01:35:20.400
but let's go do this instead.

1198
01:35:20.400 --> 01:35:24.640
Do you feel like you are comfortable doing that?

1199
01:35:24.640 --> 01:35:25.640
I can.

1200
01:35:25.640 --> 01:35:26.440
OK.

1201
01:35:26.440 --> 01:35:29.360
OK, that's what I wanted to double check first.

1202
01:35:29.360 --> 01:35:33.480
Because if you find that you are hesitant in doing that,

1203
01:35:33.480 --> 01:35:36.920
that's something that I would get curious about.

1204
01:35:36.920 --> 01:35:39.720
This is what you can do because, again, you realize,

1205
01:35:39.720 --> 01:35:42.280
oh, I have this engagement that I've got to go to

1206
01:35:42.280 --> 01:35:45.400
and this event, and then I'm flying out for a week.

1207
01:35:45.400 --> 01:35:49.480
So you give him two options.

1208
01:35:49.480 --> 01:36:01.320
You say, hey, I do have a event that I'm going to

1209
01:36:01.320 --> 01:36:02.640
for some friends of mine.

1210
01:36:02.640 --> 01:36:03.800
They're renewing their vows.

1211
01:36:06.840 --> 01:36:16.360
I am free in the early morning to grab breakfast or coffee.

1212
01:36:16.360 --> 01:36:19.600
And you can name a place or an area.

1213
01:36:19.600 --> 01:36:27.920
And you can say, I would rather not meet at your house

1214
01:36:27.920 --> 01:36:30.960
until we've spent a significant time getting

1215
01:36:30.960 --> 01:36:33.280
to know one another.

1216
01:36:33.280 --> 01:36:41.600
I'd like to meet in public places in the beginning.

1217
01:36:41.600 --> 01:36:47.720
And say, so I'm available for breakfast or coffee

1218
01:36:47.720 --> 01:36:55.160
at 8, 30, 9 o'clock in this vicinity, this area.

1219
01:36:55.160 --> 01:37:01.080
Otherwise, let's get something on the calendar.

1220
01:37:01.080 --> 01:37:05.120
And then whenever you get back, you can say,

1221
01:37:05.120 --> 01:37:09.240
I'm going to Miami the next day.

1222
01:37:09.240 --> 01:37:10.440
And it'll be gone for a week.

1223
01:37:10.440 --> 01:37:12.600
I get back on the 20th.

1224
01:37:12.600 --> 01:37:17.600
So let's put something on the calendar for the 20th

1225
01:37:17.600 --> 01:37:19.600
and meet somewhere.

1226
01:37:19.600 --> 01:37:26.120
But I definitely think showing him, hey, I have a boundary.

1227
01:37:26.120 --> 01:37:30.600
I'm not coming to your house until I've gotten to know you.

1228
01:37:30.600 --> 01:37:37.680
And then that's going to give you information.

1229
01:37:37.680 --> 01:37:39.160
Now you put that boundary out there.

1230
01:37:39.160 --> 01:37:43.520
Now you're going to see, how does he respond to that?

1231
01:37:43.520 --> 01:37:47.920
Does he push against that a little bit?

1232
01:37:47.920 --> 01:37:51.720
If he does, that's going to give you information.

1233
01:37:51.720 --> 01:37:54.120
Is he totally cool with it and just

1234
01:37:54.120 --> 01:37:58.600
acts like it's no big deal and takes you up on your offer?

1235
01:37:58.600 --> 01:38:01.120
That's going to give you information.

1236
01:38:01.120 --> 01:38:04.320
If that doesn't work and he's totally cool,

1237
01:38:04.320 --> 01:38:07.160
like, oh, hope you have fun in Miami.

1238
01:38:07.160 --> 01:38:08.920
Yeah, let's get something on the calendar.

1239
01:38:08.920 --> 01:38:11.960
That's going to give you information.

1240
01:38:11.960 --> 01:38:14.360
Whatever, however he responds is going

1241
01:38:14.360 --> 01:38:19.360
to give you more information than you had before.

1242
01:38:19.360 --> 01:38:21.400
And so that keeps everything open,

1243
01:38:21.400 --> 01:38:24.920
which is, again, why we encourage you not to put

1244
01:38:24.920 --> 01:38:27.920
all your eggs in one basket.

1245
01:38:27.920 --> 01:38:30.360
And I love, going back to Tyler, I

1246
01:38:30.360 --> 01:38:34.800
love the fact, because you see how you did that with Tyler?

1247
01:38:34.800 --> 01:38:38.040
Hey, I appreciate you letting me know.

1248
01:38:38.040 --> 01:38:39.600
I'm really new to this dating.

1249
01:38:42.240 --> 01:38:46.440
I, however, am not ready to get off the apps yet.

1250
01:38:46.440 --> 01:38:50.240
And do you see how he was fine?

1251
01:38:50.240 --> 01:38:50.920
Right.

1252
01:38:50.920 --> 01:38:52.920
And he communicated to you.

1253
01:38:52.920 --> 01:38:56.080
The reason he did it wasn't because he

1254
01:38:56.080 --> 01:38:59.280
had an expectation from you, or at least that's

1255
01:38:59.280 --> 01:39:00.720
what he's saying.

1256
01:39:00.720 --> 01:39:05.400
It was he did that for him.

1257
01:39:05.400 --> 01:39:07.320
And so now that's what he says.

1258
01:39:07.320 --> 01:39:10.280
So that's what you're looking for.

1259
01:39:10.280 --> 01:39:13.560
Now you're going to gather information from Tyler.

1260
01:39:16.720 --> 01:39:20.680
Does what he say line up with his actions?

1261
01:39:20.680 --> 01:39:24.560
Not like you're investigating him, or you're suspicious.

1262
01:39:24.560 --> 01:39:28.840
But those are things just to keep an open mind to,

1263
01:39:28.840 --> 01:39:33.240
and be aware of.

1264
01:39:33.240 --> 01:39:40.920
And same thing, I'm not like, look,

1265
01:39:40.920 --> 01:39:43.080
I know you mentioned about going over to your house.

1266
01:39:43.080 --> 01:39:47.080
But until we've spent a significant time getting

1267
01:39:47.080 --> 01:39:53.440
to know one another, that won't be happening anytime soon.

1268
01:39:53.440 --> 01:39:56.760
But I am interested in getting to know you better.

1269
01:39:56.760 --> 01:40:00.880
And maybe we could grab coffee.

1270
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.680
or maybe we can go and do this event or whatever.

1271
01:40:03.680 --> 01:40:08.240
And then, and see how he responds to that.

1272
01:40:09.880 --> 01:40:12.280
This is the gathering information stage.

1273
01:40:12.280 --> 01:40:15.080
This is your seeing how they respond.

1274
01:40:15.080 --> 01:40:16.240
How are they gonna show up?

1275
01:40:16.240 --> 01:40:20.280
Because ladies, all these men that you're gonna have

1276
01:40:20.280 --> 01:40:22.600
these like discovery dates with,

1277
01:40:22.600 --> 01:40:25.160
especially if they like you

1278
01:40:25.160 --> 01:40:26.880
and they like the way you look,

1279
01:40:26.880 --> 01:40:31.880
they gonna tell you what you wanna hear.

1280
01:40:34.120 --> 01:40:36.400
We always wanna put our best foot forward.

1281
01:40:36.400 --> 01:40:37.600
When we're trying to impress people,

1282
01:40:37.600 --> 01:40:40.360
we're gonna put our best foot forward, right?

1283
01:40:40.360 --> 01:40:44.900
And so you can guarantee,

1284
01:40:44.900 --> 01:40:48.240
of course people are gonna like seem real,

1285
01:40:48.240 --> 01:40:51.440
like it's gonna be promising in the beginning.

1286
01:40:51.440 --> 01:40:53.980
But that's why we ask you ladies to pace

1287
01:40:53.980 --> 01:40:58.520
because we want you to see the fruit.

1288
01:41:01.380 --> 01:41:04.340
Is it good fruit?

1289
01:41:04.340 --> 01:41:05.780
Does it just look good?

1290
01:41:05.780 --> 01:41:08.340
But when you bite into it, is it soggy?

1291
01:41:08.340 --> 01:41:11.620
Like it can look really pretty,

1292
01:41:11.620 --> 01:41:16.620
but then you bite into it, it's not so fresh, right?

1293
01:41:18.420 --> 01:41:20.860
I have a big thing of apples in my fridge

1294
01:41:20.860 --> 01:41:22.620
because I've got three kids

1295
01:41:22.620 --> 01:41:25.380
and some weeks the kids love the apples

1296
01:41:25.380 --> 01:41:26.860
and then some weeks they don't.

1297
01:41:26.860 --> 01:41:29.820
And then I'm like, okay, go grab some fruit for your lunch

1298
01:41:29.820 --> 01:41:32.540
and the apples look delicious.

1299
01:41:32.540 --> 01:41:37.540
And then I pick them up, mom, those apples were gross.

1300
01:41:38.140 --> 01:41:40.500
I'm like, well, they looked good.

1301
01:41:41.420 --> 01:41:44.520
It's because you didn't eat them when they were fresh.

1302
01:41:44.520 --> 01:41:49.520
So it's about allowing yourself the time

1303
01:41:49.760 --> 01:41:53.320
and the pacing to gather information.

1304
01:41:53.320 --> 01:41:56.120
That's why it's okay ladies

1305
01:41:56.120 --> 01:41:58.920
that you don't find someone attractive right out the gate,

1306
01:41:58.920 --> 01:42:00.960
that there's not chemistry right out the gate.

1307
01:42:00.960 --> 01:42:05.960
Sometimes chemistry is not always a good indication

1308
01:42:06.680 --> 01:42:11.680
of compatibility or someone that's marriage-minded

1309
01:42:12.840 --> 01:42:14.560
and mature and masculine.

1310
01:42:15.080 --> 01:42:19.640
Sometimes chemistry can actually be an indicator

1311
01:42:19.640 --> 01:42:22.640
of toxicity, you know?

1312
01:42:22.640 --> 01:42:27.640
I mean, chemistry is not going to be what you gauge

1313
01:42:32.280 --> 01:42:34.400
whether or not someone's a keeper or not,

1314
01:42:35.320 --> 01:42:38.840
whether or not someone's marriage material,

1315
01:42:38.840 --> 01:42:40.120
husband material.

1316
01:42:41.080 --> 01:42:46.080
Time and consistency is what's going to show you that.

1317
01:42:50.400 --> 01:42:53.640
So keep me posted about this, Ryan,

1318
01:42:53.640 --> 01:42:56.440
and I want to know with Tyler as well.

1319
01:42:56.440 --> 01:42:58.920
So I love what I'm hearing with Tyler

1320
01:42:58.920 --> 01:43:01.900
and I will definitely be interested in knowing

1321
01:43:01.900 --> 01:43:04.580
how Ryan responds to your boundary.

1322
01:43:05.920 --> 01:43:07.800
All right, thank you.

1323
01:43:07.800 --> 01:43:09.600
And I apologize, I don't know if you were on

1324
01:43:10.560 --> 01:43:12.560
when I jumped on earlier.

1325
01:43:12.560 --> 01:43:16.300
I know I have a lot of posts to probably get catch up on,

1326
01:43:16.300 --> 01:43:19.320
but our wifi has been out since I got back from our-

1327
01:43:19.320 --> 01:43:20.520
Oh, yeah.

1328
01:43:20.520 --> 01:43:23.480
And so I have not been,

1329
01:43:23.480 --> 01:43:27.240
like my power gets kicked on and off my wifi.

1330
01:43:27.240 --> 01:43:30.560
So I haven't been able to do that very well.

1331
01:43:30.560 --> 01:43:33.880
So hopefully that will get fixed tomorrow

1332
01:43:33.880 --> 01:43:35.540
when the tech comes out,

1333
01:43:35.540 --> 01:43:38.000
so I can get back to responding to you ladies,

1334
01:43:38.040 --> 01:43:40.280
but hopefully no one's been left hanging.

1335
01:43:40.280 --> 01:43:42.360
If you have, just post us another message

1336
01:43:42.360 --> 01:43:44.320
and we'll follow up with you, okay?

1337
01:43:46.120 --> 01:43:48.320
All right, ladies, is there anybody else?

1338
01:43:48.320 --> 01:43:50.680
I'm 15 minutes over,

1339
01:43:50.680 --> 01:43:52.640
and I know a lot of people are having to go.

1340
01:43:52.640 --> 01:43:57.440
So if there's no other questions,

1341
01:43:58.360 --> 01:44:00.000
we can probably do one last minute question

1342
01:44:00.000 --> 01:44:01.380
if it's a quick one.

1343
01:44:03.000 --> 01:44:07.160
Other than that, ladies, I will see you all next week.

1344
01:44:07.160 --> 01:44:09.080
Hopefully then I can have my camera on

1345
01:44:09.080 --> 01:44:13.640
because my internet and wifi will be up and rolling.

1346
01:44:13.640 --> 01:44:17.040
Hopefully it didn't slow down too much

1347
01:44:17.040 --> 01:44:19.480
by having my camera off.

1348
01:44:19.480 --> 01:44:22.640
I really hope that worked out well.

1349
01:44:23.900 --> 01:44:26.800
Okay, ladies, we'll have a great rest of your day

1350
01:44:26.800 --> 01:44:28.740
and I will see you all later.

1351
01:44:29.600 --> 01:44:31.200
Thank you, Carla.

1352
01:44:31.200 --> 01:44:32.200
See ya.

1353
01:44:32.200 --> 01:44:33.040
Bye-bye.