WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.800 Okay. Thanks, Nadine. Go ahead, Kaylee. 2 00:00:07.800 --> 00:00:16.800 But I wanted to say I had a really good time and I'm thankful for the date and yeah, just 3 00:00:16.800 --> 00:00:22.400 like an update looking forward to what's next. But yeah, that's the only thing, the concern 4 00:00:22.400 --> 00:00:28.400 I kind of had like a little bit of an age gap. But I feel like we're kind of both at 5 00:00:28.400 --> 00:00:37.400 a similar life stage. Like we both don't have kids. Yeah. 6 00:00:37.400 --> 00:00:43.400 And do you want children? I think so. I'm open to it. 7 00:00:43.400 --> 00:00:47.400 Does he want children? I don't know. 8 00:00:47.400 --> 00:00:51.400 Is this the same guy you dated last year and now you're back dating him again? 9 00:00:51.400 --> 00:00:57.600 We went on one date last year and then it just didn't really go anywhere. And then we 10 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:04.599 kind of reconnected with him last month and then second date, yes. 11 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:09.400 Okay. And the reason why I'm asking these questions, you are dating for discovery, but 12 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:14.300 the reason why I'm asking because you already have a little history there. And so for you, 13 00:01:14.300 --> 00:01:18.600 this could represent a little bit more hope. Like, okay, we got along really good this 14 00:01:18.600 --> 00:01:25.700 time. I think I like him. And the age gap is a concern for you. So if I will be concerned 15 00:01:25.700 --> 00:01:31.300 about age gaps, it will be on those things like that. You want children? Does he want 16 00:01:31.300 --> 00:01:35.700 children? It's not time to talk about that, but I'm just giving you a measurement of how 17 00:01:35.700 --> 00:01:41.700 that you understand. So it's about the seasons of life. Neither one of you have children, 18 00:01:41.700 --> 00:01:48.700 but you do want children. And so as you're getting to know him and you find out. 19 00:01:48.700 --> 00:01:57.400 I did, Rachel M. As you're getting to know him, I don't want you to get in too far deep 20 00:01:57.400 --> 00:02:03.300 because there's always some, already a little momentum there. Right? I want you to be present 21 00:02:03.300 --> 00:02:09.199 of it. The reason I want you to be present of the momentum that's already there, because 22 00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:13.700 sometimes y'all, we don't know, we pull in a little weight behind us already. You don't 23 00:02:13.700 --> 00:02:18.500 know the cycles or things that are operating in the background. So you already kind of 24 00:02:18.500 --> 00:02:23.500 like him. That's important for you to keep in mind. So if you get a month in and you 25 00:02:23.500 --> 00:02:27.700 say, I don't know why I like him so much. It's been a month. You like him so much because 26 00:02:27.700 --> 00:02:33.000 you went on a date with him last year and you reconnected with him. And so something, 27 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:39.000 something about reconnection can spark a little bit more hope in you. That's all I'm saying. 28 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:45.800 Yeah. So as you're getting to know him, I'm not trying to strip you of hope. Your hope 29 00:02:45.800 --> 00:02:51.800 is in your partner, Jesus, right? That's who you're in partnership with. And so as you're 30 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:57.200 getting to know him and y'all having conversations, you know, you can just say, do you want children? 31 00:02:57.200 --> 00:03:00.920 Because you're trying to measure about this age gap thing. So you think of the things 32 00:03:00.920 --> 00:03:07.200 that would be most important to you in that way. So no, talking to somebody on the second 33 00:03:07.200 --> 00:03:11.000 date, we don't ask them if they want children, ladies. I think I was trying to give this 34 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:19.000 when I coached her this way. I just wanted you to hear my thinking behind it. Okay. Thank 35 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:24.000 you. You're welcome. I'm excited for you. Make sure you accept my friend request so 36 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:32.200 I can show you that kingdom man. I thought of what ethnicity is he? Black. Is he, is 37 00:03:32.200 --> 00:03:41.200 it Steven? He's a pastor. I have to look up his last name, but that's the, I'm trying 38 00:03:41.200 --> 00:03:47.720 to think of, that's a man I know he's black and single and he's in San Antonio. He's a 39 00:03:47.720 --> 00:03:55.400 pastor. Why are you holding down on us like that? You know I need me a black pastor. Well, 40 00:03:55.400 --> 00:04:01.920 see, I haven't met him, but yes, he, he does these lunch videos. I've seen his videos, 41 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:09.120 like, yes. Okay. Well I'll introduce y'all. He hosts the, he started hosting these once 42 00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:14.640 a month single video, uh, not, uh, meetings, but I haven't been to any, but he's trying 43 00:04:14.640 --> 00:04:21.920 to get like, uh, do a community event for singles once a month. Yeah. Okay. Well I'm 44 00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:25.760 going to look, I'm going to friend you, look at his page and then figure out when he having 45 00:04:25.760 --> 00:04:31.320 these events and see, can we get him booed up? It's a lot of eligible women I got in 46 00:04:31.320 --> 00:04:39.560 this program. Um, and I was like, well maybe because he's black, you know, everybody has 47 00:04:39.560 --> 00:04:44.920 their preference. I totally understand. Oh, but yeah. Okay. I think that may be who it 48 00:04:44.920 --> 00:04:53.560 is. Okay. Okay. Who, who's next? And if we go out again, just tell me ladies. 49 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.680 Trina has her hand up. 50 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:04.560 She does. 51 00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:06.960 Hi. 52 00:05:06.960 --> 00:05:13.560 So I guess I'm wondering when it's 53 00:05:13.560 --> 00:05:19.280 appropriate to ask the more like, I guess, 54 00:05:19.280 --> 00:05:22.720 personal questions. 55 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:25.360 Yeah, I'm a little lost in that. 56 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:30.160 Yeah, so if you're just, what is personal? 57 00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:33.360 Well, like you just said, talking about kids 58 00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:39.560 or something like that, or I just, yeah. 59 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:41.720 I guess, when do you read into when it's 60 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:44.800 OK to ask the deeper stuff? 61 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:48.400 Well, OK, I can do a, like a, so you first 62 00:05:48.400 --> 00:05:51.360 get to know a person that will be called level one. 63 00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:53.400 Phases and levels are two different things. 64 00:05:53.400 --> 00:05:55.480 So phases is phase one, phase two, phase three. 65 00:05:55.480 --> 00:05:56.520 Phase one is hard work. 66 00:05:56.520 --> 00:05:57.940 Phase two is dating for discovery. 67 00:05:57.940 --> 00:06:01.400 Phase three is phase three. 68 00:06:01.400 --> 00:06:04.960 All right, so levels of dating, this 69 00:06:04.960 --> 00:06:06.880 is how it's taught in the teachings. 70 00:06:06.880 --> 00:06:09.520 Level one is when you make the first connection. 71 00:06:09.520 --> 00:06:11.920 Level two is every connection after that, 72 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:14.760 until you get to the exclusivity stage. 73 00:06:14.760 --> 00:06:17.440 So that means you go out for coffee. 74 00:06:17.440 --> 00:06:20.960 Y'all been getting to know each other about 15, 20 days. 75 00:06:20.960 --> 00:06:22.680 You're rolling up into 30 days. 76 00:06:22.680 --> 00:06:24.680 You can say we've been getting to know each other 77 00:06:24.680 --> 00:06:26.400 for a month at this point. 78 00:06:26.400 --> 00:06:29.360 Now, if you're a month in, and let's say something 79 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:32.920 is really important to you, like, do you want children? 80 00:06:32.920 --> 00:06:35.480 You can literally ask the person if they want children, 81 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:36.560 like just when you get in. 82 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.160 Like, oh, you don't have any children. 83 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:40.720 Did you ever want children? 84 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:43.480 You see how easily I said that? 85 00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:45.240 Did you ever want children? 86 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:46.720 Not do you want children. 87 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:50.120 You can say it, but you also can say it passionately. 88 00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:52.560 Like, oh, you don't have children, huh? 89 00:06:53.440 --> 00:06:54.280 Did you ever want children? 90 00:06:54.280 --> 00:06:55.120 And they'll say, you have children? 91 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:56.000 You'll be like, no. 92 00:06:56.000 --> 00:06:59.320 So that is a little bit lighter of a thing. 93 00:06:59.320 --> 00:07:02.840 People ask individuals that all the time. 94 00:07:02.840 --> 00:07:04.840 And I know men ask that. 95 00:07:04.840 --> 00:07:06.600 Plenty of men have asked me that. 96 00:07:08.320 --> 00:07:10.560 Let's say you want to ask them about, 97 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:14.400 let's say they said they were divorced. 98 00:07:14.400 --> 00:07:16.960 You're like, oh, okay, how long were you married? 99 00:07:16.960 --> 00:07:18.640 That's not that personal. 100 00:07:18.640 --> 00:07:21.680 But when you want to say, why did you get a divorce? 101 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:23.280 That is personal. 102 00:07:23.280 --> 00:07:25.480 And that has motive behind it. 103 00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:27.600 Because you don't really know them enough 104 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:29.040 to want to know why they got a divorce. 105 00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:32.520 Like, how does that become your business, right? 106 00:07:32.520 --> 00:07:34.520 Unless, I mean, if I can tell you, 107 00:07:34.520 --> 00:07:35.360 the inner workings of it, 108 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:36.560 unless you're trying to guard yourself 109 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:38.800 or you're trying to figure something out, right? 110 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:41.720 So if you want to ask somebody why they got a divorce, 111 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:43.920 that's something you would probably wait 112 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:46.600 until you're about the second month in 113 00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:48.320 when you're building some equity with them 114 00:07:48.320 --> 00:07:49.880 and you're really getting to know them 115 00:07:49.880 --> 00:07:52.440 and you think, I really like this person. 116 00:07:52.440 --> 00:07:54.120 And then you could come back and say, 117 00:07:54.120 --> 00:07:55.480 I know you had gotten a divorce. 118 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:58.240 Do you feel comfortable with sharing with me what happened? 119 00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:01.640 Now, Trina, when we start asking personal questions, 120 00:08:01.640 --> 00:08:04.920 you want to be sure that you're prepared for their answer 121 00:08:04.920 --> 00:08:08.040 and being able to see a person pass their mistakes. 122 00:08:09.480 --> 00:08:11.600 Because if you don't have, 123 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:14.720 if whatever they say is going to make you want to guard 124 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:16.040 and protect yourself, 125 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:17.920 so you can't see that they're human 126 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:19.600 and humans make mistakes, 127 00:08:20.320 --> 00:08:22.120 then you're going to have yourself a problem. 128 00:08:23.280 --> 00:08:24.440 Does that make sense? 129 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:26.880 Yeah. 130 00:08:26.880 --> 00:08:27.720 Yeah. 131 00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:29.120 And so whatever you're asking, 132 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:30.160 when you get about, 133 00:08:30.160 --> 00:08:31.480 I don't know when you say personal, 134 00:08:31.480 --> 00:08:32.559 how personal you're going. 135 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:36.600 Like there's some things that are like surface pretty much 136 00:08:36.600 --> 00:08:38.919 on personal people share all the time. 137 00:08:38.919 --> 00:08:40.720 And then there's deep, deep things. 138 00:08:42.760 --> 00:08:46.560 Let's say somebody said they were recovering, 139 00:08:46.880 --> 00:08:49.880 they were recovering sobriety. 140 00:08:49.880 --> 00:08:54.160 They'd been, you know, 12 years, alcohol free. 141 00:08:54.160 --> 00:08:56.640 And they probably will tell their testimony. 142 00:08:58.160 --> 00:09:00.200 It's nothing wrong with their testimony. 143 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:01.840 I think it's great to hear. 144 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:03.880 I wouldn't dig into the testimony. 145 00:09:05.680 --> 00:09:07.920 I wouldn't ask questions like, oh, how did that happen? 146 00:09:07.920 --> 00:09:10.080 And the reason why I'm able to use these examples, 147 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:15.080 I will be, I am a analyzer, a strategist of what happened. 148 00:09:17.040 --> 00:09:18.360 Was it mother wounds? 149 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:20.000 Was it father wounds? 150 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:23.720 Who was, who, now who lived in the house when it happened? 151 00:09:23.720 --> 00:09:25.280 Oh no. 152 00:09:25.280 --> 00:09:28.320 The, and your uncle struggled too. 153 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:29.760 That's a generational curse. 154 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:32.320 Oh, now. 155 00:09:34.680 --> 00:09:37.800 So at first, I mean, evaluated just to hear the story. 156 00:09:37.800 --> 00:09:38.640 I'm all for it. 157 00:09:38.640 --> 00:09:39.560 Give me some popcorn. 158 00:09:39.560 --> 00:09:41.520 We about to chase down some stuff, 159 00:09:41.520 --> 00:09:43.160 about to get rid of some generational curses. 160 00:09:43.160 --> 00:09:45.240 But then I'm going to be like, wait a minute. 161 00:09:45.240 --> 00:09:46.800 If your grandma struggled with it, 162 00:09:46.800 --> 00:09:48.160 your mama struggled with it, 163 00:09:48.160 --> 00:09:49.520 your auntie struggled with it, 164 00:09:49.520 --> 00:09:52.040 like, look, don't even worry about it. 165 00:09:52.040 --> 00:09:54.520 If I have a baby, my baby gonna struggle with it. 166 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:57.960 So, I mean, there was a little humor to it, 167 00:09:57.960 --> 00:09:59.800 but that can go with that. 168 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.480 You know, I thought you were a great person, but you're not that great, and that wouldn't 169 00:10:05.480 --> 00:10:06.480 cost me that, right? 170 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:07.480 Does that help, Trina? 171 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:19.640 Well, I guess then it becomes, I'll call myself out here and say that I do try to figure something 172 00:10:19.640 --> 00:10:21.640 out. 173 00:10:21.640 --> 00:10:30.080 And so I guess my thought process on it is, well, if you find it out at month 4 or 5, 174 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:34.880 as opposed to 1 or 2, what's the change in that? 175 00:10:34.880 --> 00:10:37.360 Do you know what I mean? 176 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:40.440 I know what you mean, but what is she trying to find out? 177 00:10:40.440 --> 00:10:43.680 See, you want a general answer to me. 178 00:10:43.680 --> 00:10:45.320 Or if they don't, you know what I mean? 179 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:49.000 Like that kind of stuff, it's like, then what am I doing here? 180 00:10:49.000 --> 00:10:50.000 You know what I mean? 181 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.000 Okay. 182 00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:54.040 If you don't want kids, that's a passing statement. 183 00:10:54.040 --> 00:10:55.040 So I classify it. 184 00:10:55.040 --> 00:10:56.560 They're just kind of like, you don't have children. 185 00:10:56.560 --> 00:10:57.560 Did you ever want children? 186 00:10:57.560 --> 00:10:58.720 They're going to answer you. 187 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:00.400 That's a really passing statement. 188 00:11:00.400 --> 00:11:02.260 People say that. 189 00:11:02.260 --> 00:11:05.240 So what are you talking about more specifically? 190 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:08.960 What is your fear about getting to know some person and you're too far down the road? 191 00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:10.720 You feel like you've invested too much. 192 00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:11.720 What's your fear? 193 00:11:11.720 --> 00:11:14.720 They're going to tell you what? 194 00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:20.240 I guess more of their faith would be my number one. 195 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:21.480 Okay. 196 00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:24.280 You can ask anybody about their faith. 197 00:11:24.280 --> 00:11:28.640 You can always say, hey, my faith in Jesus is really important to me. 198 00:11:28.640 --> 00:11:29.640 What's your belief? 199 00:11:29.640 --> 00:11:30.640 Okay. 200 00:11:30.640 --> 00:11:31.640 That's not too much. 201 00:11:31.640 --> 00:11:32.640 Like you're not digging. 202 00:11:32.640 --> 00:11:33.640 Okay. 203 00:11:33.640 --> 00:11:34.640 That's not too much. 204 00:11:34.640 --> 00:11:35.640 Okay. 205 00:11:35.640 --> 00:11:45.120 I'm new at this, so it's just, I don't want to do it wrong and I hate that about me, but 206 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:46.800 it's like, I want to go about it right. 207 00:11:46.800 --> 00:11:50.220 And I know I can't be perfect, but yeah, I'm just trying to figure it out. 208 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:55.700 Well, I don't want you to know like, that's a part of the process, but Trina, you really 209 00:11:55.700 --> 00:11:57.700 can't get it wrong. 210 00:11:57.700 --> 00:11:58.700 Yeah. 211 00:11:58.700 --> 00:12:05.900 You can try to guard and protect yourself, which robs you of the experience. 212 00:12:05.900 --> 00:12:10.020 But when you're in dating for discovery, the ideal is that you hold things very loosely 213 00:12:10.020 --> 00:12:12.860 in this with the skill comes in it. 214 00:12:12.860 --> 00:12:17.780 Because if you made it to 90 days with a person, they would have to have shown you some wonderful 215 00:12:17.780 --> 00:12:19.780 things about themselves. 216 00:12:20.340 --> 00:12:23.780 And then when you say, I'm going to go exclusive, this person wants to go exclusive with you. 217 00:12:23.780 --> 00:12:29.060 If you did it in a month, they probably wouldn't serve you best because you have not observed 218 00:12:29.060 --> 00:12:30.060 enough. 219 00:12:30.060 --> 00:12:33.860 That's why pacing and observation is the best thing because people can tell you a lot of 220 00:12:33.860 --> 00:12:36.340 things and you'll make it a post to come up like this. 221 00:12:36.340 --> 00:12:37.340 They check all my boxes. 222 00:12:37.340 --> 00:12:39.500 This is great. 223 00:12:39.500 --> 00:12:40.980 That's the first week. 224 00:12:40.980 --> 00:12:41.980 Yeah. 225 00:12:41.980 --> 00:12:44.780 Well, that's not true. 226 00:12:44.780 --> 00:12:45.940 You don't know them yet. 227 00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:46.940 Right. 228 00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:49.220 And so you give yourself a month, you get two months in. 229 00:12:49.660 --> 00:12:51.340 And if a person says, will you be exclusive? 230 00:12:51.340 --> 00:12:55.620 Even if you did it at the earliest in two months, you'll say something like, this is 231 00:12:55.620 --> 00:12:57.020 the conversation you have. 232 00:12:57.020 --> 00:13:02.700 Hey, when I go exclusive, I date intentionally and when I go exclusive, I go exclusive with 233 00:13:02.700 --> 00:13:04.740 the intentions for marriage. 234 00:13:04.740 --> 00:13:08.220 And so I'm going to come out the market and I'm going to go exclusive with you. 235 00:13:08.220 --> 00:13:12.380 There are some things that are really important for me to know that are non-negotiables before 236 00:13:12.380 --> 00:13:14.460 we move forward. 237 00:13:14.460 --> 00:13:15.620 Okay. 238 00:13:15.620 --> 00:13:18.800 And now most of the other things you would have already vetted them out. 239 00:13:18.800 --> 00:13:19.800 You would have already watched. 240 00:13:19.800 --> 00:13:21.920 So the first month you're just getting to know them. 241 00:13:21.920 --> 00:13:25.840 The second month you kind of gathering data, but you don't have to be a detective because 242 00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:28.460 you got to remember you're holding things loosely. 243 00:13:28.460 --> 00:13:32.680 So that means ladies, if you're anxiously attached and you feel like you just can't 244 00:13:32.680 --> 00:13:36.720 keep yourself, it may be best for you to feel like you just can't keep the thoughts from 245 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:38.840 racing or trying to figure something out. 246 00:13:38.840 --> 00:13:47.000 It may be best for you to talk to another person because if you're going to take your 247 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.920 time focusing and all you want to ask that, is this the one? 248 00:13:49.920 --> 00:13:50.920 Is this the one? 249 00:13:50.920 --> 00:13:51.920 Am I doing the right? 250 00:13:51.920 --> 00:13:52.920 Is this the one? 251 00:13:52.920 --> 00:13:53.920 Is this the one? 252 00:13:53.920 --> 00:13:54.920 Is this the one? 253 00:13:54.920 --> 00:13:55.920 Just answer yourself and say, no, this is not the one. 254 00:13:55.920 --> 00:14:01.280 That way you can go ahead. 255 00:14:01.280 --> 00:14:02.280 Does that make sense? 256 00:14:02.280 --> 00:14:04.320 Just tell yourself, it's not the one. 257 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:09.600 Watch how much freedom you receive because I don't care what you do. 258 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:11.460 You cannot mess up the one. 259 00:14:11.460 --> 00:14:14.200 They need to see you in all your craziness. 260 00:14:14.200 --> 00:14:18.040 Make sure that when they choose you, they can know they chose a little road lizard when 261 00:14:18.040 --> 00:14:19.040 they pick you. 262 00:14:19.040 --> 00:14:22.520 They knew you were crazy from the second week because of how you acted. 263 00:14:22.520 --> 00:14:25.560 If that's the case, you know what I'm saying? 264 00:14:25.560 --> 00:14:31.520 We don't want to perform, but a lot of times in dating you do, you put your best foot forward 265 00:14:31.520 --> 00:14:34.560 and then you get into like month two and they start doing some stuff, you'll be like, wait 266 00:14:34.560 --> 00:14:37.640 a minute now, we're not going. 267 00:14:37.640 --> 00:14:40.760 So that's why I say you can't mess it up. 268 00:14:40.760 --> 00:14:44.960 Let a person genuinely choose you. 269 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:51.240 Let a person look at you and say, I know she'll look anxious, but I like her. 270 00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:53.360 I want her. 271 00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:56.640 I'm a keeper. 272 00:14:56.640 --> 00:14:58.080 That's called being chosen. 273 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.600 And that's the repeated thing that 274 00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:06.560 has to happen throughout marriage, usually. 275 00:15:06.560 --> 00:15:07.820 I just heard someone minister. 276 00:15:07.820 --> 00:15:10.600 They said, it's easy to get married, 277 00:15:10.600 --> 00:15:13.700 but, oh boy, you have to choose to stay married. 278 00:15:13.700 --> 00:15:16.680 It's easy to, they so-call, fall in love. 279 00:15:16.680 --> 00:15:19.720 But when you get married, you have to choose love. 280 00:15:19.720 --> 00:15:22.000 And that's when you see the worst parts of a person. 281 00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:28.720 And so one thing I've challenged myself always to do 282 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:31.760 is show up fully me, just in any relationships 283 00:15:31.760 --> 00:15:35.080 in my life, on my job, anything. 284 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:42.640 I'm going to be me, just me, to the best of my ability. 285 00:15:42.640 --> 00:15:45.880 And some days, I see that I'm not being myself. 286 00:15:45.880 --> 00:15:47.360 And I'm like, why you do that? 287 00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:50.520 Why don't you engage in that conversation? 288 00:15:50.520 --> 00:15:51.720 It's not about seeing. 289 00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:55.200 It's about that's not who you are. 290 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:57.000 And then I get back at it the next day 291 00:15:57.040 --> 00:16:00.600 and show up differently, like myself. 292 00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:01.760 Trina, I hope that helped. 293 00:16:05.160 --> 00:16:05.680 It did. 294 00:16:05.680 --> 00:16:07.160 Thank you so much. 295 00:16:07.160 --> 00:16:10.040 You're welcome. 296 00:16:10.040 --> 00:16:11.560 All right, anybody else? 297 00:16:17.080 --> 00:16:18.600 In the case I don't see your hand, 298 00:16:18.600 --> 00:16:20.840 just unmute, because I didn't see Trina's hand. 299 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:22.320 I'll go. 300 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:23.640 Can I go? 301 00:16:23.640 --> 00:16:24.440 Yeah. 302 00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:25.600 Can you hear me? 303 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:26.320 I can. 304 00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:29.200 I've been very glitchy. 305 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.600 Me too, apparently. 306 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:33.720 Thank you, ladies, actually, for sharing. 307 00:16:33.720 --> 00:16:36.040 And I'm nervous to share, but I can 308 00:16:36.040 --> 00:16:40.440 relate to a lot of the things that are being said. 309 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:43.800 And I hope you post the first half of the recording, 310 00:16:43.800 --> 00:16:47.640 because I think I needed to hear what you had to say. 311 00:16:47.640 --> 00:16:49.360 First half of the recording, because I 312 00:16:49.360 --> 00:16:52.720 think I needed to hear some of what you were saying, 313 00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:53.480 and I didn't. 314 00:16:58.160 --> 00:17:04.160 So I've been like, OK, I have two experiences, 315 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:06.200 and I want to share them. 316 00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:13.920 I've been talking to this one man for a month. 317 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:15.319 He, too, is older. 318 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:17.200 I think Kaylee, my eyes are killing me. 319 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:22.079 Kaylee shared, and this person is 11 years older than me, 320 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.560 and he's such a gentleman. 321 00:17:24.560 --> 00:17:26.720 All these really nice things. 322 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:32.400 I've gone on four dates with him, definitely by date, too. 323 00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:35.160 There's no attraction. 324 00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:42.280 There's no, there's just, I've settled in the past. 325 00:17:42.280 --> 00:17:46.280 I have grown to love people. 326 00:17:46.280 --> 00:17:50.760 I've had children with them, and then was stuck with them. 327 00:17:50.760 --> 00:17:54.440 So I've grown to love them. 328 00:17:54.440 --> 00:17:58.400 And my, but I don't want to do that again. 329 00:18:01.320 --> 00:18:05.080 So I tried, because the coach, one of the coaches 330 00:18:05.080 --> 00:18:06.760 told me, do date three. 331 00:18:06.760 --> 00:18:07.840 So I did. 332 00:18:07.840 --> 00:18:09.760 I prayed about it, and I really felt like, you know what? 333 00:18:09.760 --> 00:18:11.360 No, I am supposed to go on date three. 334 00:18:11.360 --> 00:18:15.160 Went on date three, and it was OK. 335 00:18:15.160 --> 00:18:17.360 But I'm definitely like, OK, I'm ready to go home now. 336 00:18:17.360 --> 00:18:20.600 And then date four, nice. 337 00:18:20.600 --> 00:18:25.480 I guess I just feel like it's time to get out. 338 00:18:28.040 --> 00:18:31.320 One of my girlfriends shared, you can't get back time, right? 339 00:18:31.320 --> 00:18:33.200 You can't get back time. 340 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:40.200 And he's definitely marriage minded, but he's older. 341 00:18:40.200 --> 00:18:44.200 He also wants the best friends, and I'm like, ugh. 342 00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:49.760 So anyway, I feel like I need to have a conversation 343 00:18:49.760 --> 00:18:54.400 and do that with Grace. 344 00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:57.440 But I went on a date with a guy yesterday. 345 00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:00.040 You guys, oh my gosh. 346 00:19:00.040 --> 00:19:01.760 He's so hot. 347 00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:03.720 He's, we're both looking. 348 00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:04.680 He's Asian. 349 00:19:04.680 --> 00:19:05.680 I love Asian men. 350 00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:11.440 And I show up. 351 00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:12.640 And he lives far away. 352 00:19:13.240 --> 00:19:15.200 We had to each drive 45 minutes. 353 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.200 We had been talking for about three weeks, chatting and stuff. 354 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:19.280 And I was fine with it. 355 00:19:19.280 --> 00:19:25.640 But I'm telling you this because this girl, 356 00:19:25.640 --> 00:19:27.320 I think some of the ladies type. 357 00:19:27.320 --> 00:19:28.320 I settle for less. 358 00:19:28.320 --> 00:19:29.440 It's safe. 359 00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:32.160 It's safe, right? 360 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.120 But I see this guy, and I'm like, oh my God. 361 00:19:35.120 --> 00:19:35.880 I'm saying God. 362 00:19:35.880 --> 00:19:37.080 I said God. 363 00:19:37.080 --> 00:19:41.240 I was just like, wow, good looking, fit, whatever. 364 00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:42.280 So I get through. 365 00:19:42.280 --> 00:19:43.560 I was just going to have lunch. 366 00:19:43.560 --> 00:19:45.160 But then we were having a nice time. 367 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:46.200 So then we get coffee. 368 00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:47.640 Then we're walking in a park. 369 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:48.480 It was populated. 370 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:50.760 But I crossed my own boundaries. 371 00:19:50.760 --> 00:19:52.000 Did I lose you guys? 372 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.600 I crossed my own boundaries of like, I'm 373 00:19:56.600 --> 00:19:58.800 not walking in a park with you. 374 00:19:58.800 --> 00:20:01.240 I don't even know you. 375 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:09.000 email. So he didn't text me today. Ladies, I'm looking at my phone all day. I haven't 376 00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:17.840 done that in years, years. And I'm so like, what has happened? And I don't like it. I 377 00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:24.220 don't like that. I don't like that. I feel vulnerable. Oh, and this is the other piece. 378 00:20:24.220 --> 00:20:33.820 Talk about heart work. We got coffee. And I swore I saw him check out another woman. 379 00:20:33.820 --> 00:20:42.460 And I was like, and something in me was like, Whoa, what just happened? Insecure. I felt 380 00:20:42.460 --> 00:20:50.900 ugly. I felt like I needed to get away. I was like, and then he did this move. I don't 381 00:20:50.900 --> 00:20:55.700 want to dump on you guys, but I'm hoping it helps you because I feel like it might. 382 00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:59.420 I'm not trying to do it perfect, but I don't know what I'm doing and I'm learning. This 383 00:20:59.420 --> 00:21:05.300 is healthy. We're walking out and he goes, Hey babe, you look a little flushed. So not 384 00:21:05.300 --> 00:21:10.700 only do I feel him like check out a girl and I see this whole spiritual me change, but 385 00:21:10.700 --> 00:21:14.900 then he says, babe, and I've learned like no pet names. What the hell was that? Sorry. 386 00:21:14.900 --> 00:21:23.420 I love Jesus and I curse. Okay. And so I'm like, do I call him out on it? Do I say something? 387 00:21:23.420 --> 00:21:28.700 Oh, Amy, let it go. It's no big deal. It's just second time. Say it the second time. 388 00:21:28.700 --> 00:21:34.780 So we walked across the street. Let's me walk. He walks on the outside, took my hand at one 389 00:21:34.780 --> 00:21:40.300 point cause I did have higher shoes on. I was grateful. And so get to the other side. 390 00:21:40.300 --> 00:21:47.060 Excuse me. I said, I think I heard you call me babe. I said, that's not my name. I said, 391 00:21:47.060 --> 00:21:51.180 my name is Amy and I would just appreciate if you call me by my name. And he's like, 392 00:21:51.180 --> 00:21:57.660 Oh, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And he was respectful. So I'm almost done. 393 00:21:57.660 --> 00:22:04.380 I've been in my head all day and I, and I did talk to a girlfriend, Ebony, but I spent 394 00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:14.300 way too much time with him. Way too much. I have found with both these men, first one, 395 00:22:14.300 --> 00:22:21.660 it's easier to set a boundary because I'm not attracted, but both these men want to tell me 396 00:22:21.660 --> 00:22:26.260 about their stories and their history. And I stopped the first time I said, and even with 397 00:22:26.260 --> 00:22:29.940 this one, I said, first date, I said, listen, can I just say from the very beginning, we just 398 00:22:30.740 --> 00:22:35.540 I do want to, I go deep. I love going deep. We don't need to do that today. I just met you. 399 00:22:36.420 --> 00:22:42.100 But then I kind of like after spending three or four hours with somebody just like, what's her 400 00:22:42.100 --> 00:22:46.820 name? I can't remember her name now. The writer of the dang book of the program we're in. 401 00:22:49.300 --> 00:22:53.220 Just like Jackie said, you know, and it was decaf. It wasn't caffeinated, 402 00:22:53.860 --> 00:22:56.980 but we talked too much, you know? And so 403 00:23:01.700 --> 00:23:06.500 I feel like you said so many good things because he's not the one. 404 00:23:09.220 --> 00:23:14.500 He's just not, I just, I just have a feeling. Not going to write him off, but it's just, 405 00:23:16.260 --> 00:23:20.740 so I don't know. I just am a little in my head and it's been really 406 00:23:21.700 --> 00:23:27.940 since I felt anything like that. I'm not a widow, but my son's father died. So it's been like 407 00:23:27.940 --> 00:23:34.180 trauma for eight years. So this is all like healthy and new stuff, but I am really glad 408 00:23:34.180 --> 00:23:42.340 to have a community. Thanks for letting me in. How old are you? I'm 50. I just turned 50 in July. 409 00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:50.260 Ah, you know what the problem is? That he too fine. You can't fool with them fine men. Like 410 00:23:50.260 --> 00:23:55.140 the hell you tripping. You think they looking at women. You're like, he can get anybody. He won't. 411 00:23:55.140 --> 00:23:59.700 He with me. You start putting yourself down, lifting him up. You got to look better than the 412 00:23:59.700 --> 00:24:07.860 man. Now I'm telling you. Now they recorded this. It's a joke. Listen, ladies, you got to be the 413 00:24:07.860 --> 00:24:11.700 best looking one. You saw that other one, that one that take all the time with you. You weren't 414 00:24:11.700 --> 00:24:15.380 worried about him looking at no one because you know that nobody will want him but you. 415 00:24:15.380 --> 00:24:17.060 That's what I'm talking about. 416 00:24:21.700 --> 00:24:27.220 Amen. Don't know. It is something that happens if, let me tell you what happens. And I'm glad 417 00:24:27.220 --> 00:24:32.100 you got to go on a date. And I like that you're saying, I tried it. It's not going to work with 418 00:24:32.100 --> 00:24:38.180 this other guy. And I agree with you to exit. But let's talk about a little piece that we don't 419 00:24:38.180 --> 00:24:45.380 know is they're running in the background. Whenever we believe something about a person, 420 00:24:45.380 --> 00:24:52.500 this could not be your case, but I just want y'all to hear this. Like, Oh, they are, they're a judge. 421 00:24:52.500 --> 00:24:58.260 Why would they want me? I'm just a teacher. At the moment you put a person on any little pedestal 422 00:24:58.260 --> 00:25:00.020 above being a human. 423 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.040 human being, right? They're human. It triggers these insecurities in you. 424 00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:10.240 You think it's you, but it's because you put them on the pedestal somewhere. 425 00:25:10.440 --> 00:25:12.560 And you said they were out of your reach. 426 00:25:12.760 --> 00:25:14.040 They want to talk to me. 427 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:15.240 They like me. 428 00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:17.080 I can't believe they like me. 429 00:25:17.280 --> 00:25:21.360 When you start saying that something is happening, you're doing this. 430 00:25:21.560 --> 00:25:23.080 This is you. 431 00:25:26.120 --> 00:25:27.600 And it's just this adjustment, 432 00:25:27.600 --> 00:25:30.120 and then all of a sudden, when something happens, you start having all these 433 00:25:30.320 --> 00:25:33.200 feelings and you think, why am I acting like this? 434 00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:34.360 Why am I behaving like this? 435 00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:35.840 But it's not you. 436 00:25:36.040 --> 00:25:38.000 It's the role. 437 00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:39.360 It's where you put them. 438 00:25:39.560 --> 00:25:41.600 Just like I can say something to you. 439 00:25:41.600 --> 00:25:42.840 Amen. It may not have weight, 440 00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:46.560 but somebody that you've given authority to in your life can speak the same thing. 441 00:25:46.760 --> 00:25:50.400 And because they said it about you, it changes how you feel. 442 00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:52.960 That's the same thing about where we place people. 443 00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:54.760 It's the placement of things. 444 00:25:54.760 --> 00:25:57.560 And so I just want you to know that it's not you. 445 00:25:58.520 --> 00:26:01.440 You don't feel you're not insecure. 446 00:26:02.840 --> 00:26:07.280 I don't think so, but OK, 447 00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:12.560 I'll receive that, I think I am, but 448 00:26:12.760 --> 00:26:17.000 you may be, but there are things the dynamic of that can cause that. 449 00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:19.080 Right. Thank you. 450 00:26:19.280 --> 00:26:20.440 Yeah, you're welcome. 451 00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:22.360 I'm glad you had fun. 452 00:26:22.560 --> 00:26:25.280 And you might want to take that little cutie patootie out again. 453 00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:26.880 It's OK. 454 00:26:27.040 --> 00:26:28.040 Well, I definitely. 455 00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:32.400 And would you agree I am not texting him? 456 00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:35.680 Like. 457 00:26:37.360 --> 00:26:40.280 I don't know if that's a game, but. 458 00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:43.360 Like, he hasn't said anything to you. 459 00:26:43.560 --> 00:26:46.920 No, like he texted me yesterday morning, the day after, he's like, good morning, 460 00:26:47.120 --> 00:26:49.880 whatever, and then he's like, I thought I chased you away. 461 00:26:50.080 --> 00:26:51.920 I was like, he's like a little insecure. 462 00:26:52.120 --> 00:26:55.000 So I'm like, no, I want to get to know you. 463 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:59.680 But he didn't text me today and that's fine. 464 00:26:59.880 --> 00:27:02.960 But like you said, I want. 465 00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:09.080 Him to choose to text me, like you want them to choose you. 466 00:27:09.280 --> 00:27:12.960 Well, it's nothing wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 467 00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:15.280 If you want to talk to him, you should reach out to him. 468 00:27:15.480 --> 00:27:16.280 That goes both ways. 469 00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:18.720 So Jackie teaches that everyone is responsible. 470 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:20.800 There's a 50 50 responsibility to everything. 471 00:27:20.800 --> 00:27:23.360 I only want to put 50 because y'all will stick with it. 472 00:27:23.600 --> 00:27:27.120 Everyone is responsible for making connection. 473 00:27:27.320 --> 00:27:29.640 So if you want to connect with him, you connect with him. 474 00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:36.400 What happens is you keep being the initiator and he never initiates. 475 00:27:36.600 --> 00:27:41.720 That's called you want reciprocation, not the lack thereof. 476 00:27:41.920 --> 00:27:43.760 And so. 477 00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:47.480 The idea that he takes you mean he chooses you is not true. 478 00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:50.640 He could take five other women to true. 479 00:27:50.800 --> 00:27:52.520 OK, Texas, a bare minimum. 480 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:54.240 It don't require a lot to do that. 481 00:27:54.440 --> 00:27:59.280 So choosing you not quite if he asks you to go out to dinner, you go out to dinner. 482 00:27:59.280 --> 00:28:01.080 He chose to go to dinner with you that night. 483 00:28:01.280 --> 00:28:04.360 You chose to go back to dinner with his not with him that night. 484 00:28:04.560 --> 00:28:09.240 But there's not a a heavy weight to that choosing. 485 00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:13.640 So I don't want you to confuse that choosing with another type of choosing. 486 00:28:13.840 --> 00:28:15.280 You choose to spend your time with him. 487 00:28:15.280 --> 00:28:16.720 He chooses to spend his time with you. 488 00:28:16.920 --> 00:28:17.960 You choose to take him. 489 00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:19.040 He chooses to take you. 490 00:28:19.040 --> 00:28:22.000 It's just a matter of choice. 491 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.960 Because he doesn't know your value, 492 00:28:25.160 --> 00:28:30.520 you don't have equity with him for any other level of being chosen. 493 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:34.560 The fact I want to get to know her better in the same thing for you. 494 00:28:34.760 --> 00:28:37.080 And so if you only take what he takes, 495 00:28:37.080 --> 00:28:40.000 he'll stop texting you because you don't have interest in him, 496 00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:44.560 because if you had interest in him, you would text him or you would call him 497 00:28:44.760 --> 00:28:47.000 or you would text and say, hey, let's jump on a phone call. 498 00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:48.960 Let's have a talk. 499 00:28:49.160 --> 00:28:51.160 Does that make sense? 500 00:28:51.800 --> 00:28:57.080 Yeah, but what if he's a player and he's like texting three other girls, women, 501 00:28:57.280 --> 00:29:04.720 women, I feel like a girl because I get like this, so it's scary. 502 00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:07.240 But you could be texting three other people also. 503 00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:09.200 He's supposed to be texting three other people. 504 00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:11.000 He's not married. 505 00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:14.200 And I'm texting other people, too, intentionally. 506 00:29:14.200 --> 00:29:16.160 And I'm going to do that, too. 507 00:29:16.360 --> 00:29:18.120 But you know what happens when we like 508 00:29:18.320 --> 00:29:21.840 a person is almost like we get territorial early on. 509 00:29:22.040 --> 00:29:27.320 And I'm so glad you're saying it, but this ain't that, Aimee. 510 00:29:27.520 --> 00:29:28.560 You're just getting to know him. 511 00:29:28.760 --> 00:29:32.040 If you can't handle getting to know him. 512 00:29:32.360 --> 00:29:35.600 Right. I feel like really so immature in this area. 513 00:29:35.800 --> 00:29:38.120 You're not immature. 514 00:29:38.320 --> 00:29:42.200 That's why I don't fool with him. 515 00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:45.840 No, just for some reason, though, I haven't chosen it. 516 00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:49.960 Probably every man, every man I ever probably been with has been handsome. 517 00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:53.040 Not by choice, it's just by happenstance. 518 00:29:53.240 --> 00:29:54.640 But. 519 00:29:55.320 --> 00:29:56.680 It's. 520 00:29:58.080 --> 00:30:00.000 I've taken enough time. Thank you, though. 521 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.040 Oh, I just, thank you. 522 00:30:02.040 --> 00:30:04.000 I just want to let you guys know where I was at. 523 00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:05.000 Yeah, have fun. 524 00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:07.640 Cinematics. 525 00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:08.680 Enjoy yourself. 526 00:30:11.560 --> 00:30:12.600 OK. 527 00:30:12.600 --> 00:30:14.720 Let us know how it goes when you break it off 528 00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:15.880 with the other guy also. 529 00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:18.180 It's about that time, especially if he's spending money 530 00:30:18.180 --> 00:30:19.960 on the meals and things like that. 531 00:30:19.960 --> 00:30:21.360 He's marriage minded. 532 00:30:21.360 --> 00:30:24.040 You already know that it's a no, so let's go ahead 533 00:30:24.040 --> 00:30:27.280 and pull that one. 534 00:30:27.280 --> 00:30:29.880 Out of honor. 535 00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:31.920 Yeah, OK, anybody else? 536 00:30:36.600 --> 00:30:37.520 Go ahead for Kim. 537 00:30:37.520 --> 00:30:40.880 And Kayla, it is that guy, Stephen, and he actually, 538 00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:42.080 yeah, he liked me back. 539 00:30:42.080 --> 00:30:43.700 I already have a conversation with him. 540 00:30:43.700 --> 00:30:45.560 I didn't even know it. 541 00:30:45.560 --> 00:30:48.480 Maybe he's trying to recruit single people into his program. 542 00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:49.880 I've done that for you all. 543 00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:54.760 I found me on dating sites, and I'll be like, hey, 544 00:30:54.760 --> 00:30:57.120 I have this group of women, da-da-da-da-da. 545 00:30:57.120 --> 00:30:59.600 You seem like you'd be great for one of them. 546 00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:03.600 So I have recruited four. 547 00:31:03.600 --> 00:31:04.400 Oh, maybe. 548 00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:05.520 OK. 549 00:31:05.520 --> 00:31:07.240 I hope y'all can meet. 550 00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:09.560 I know. 551 00:31:09.560 --> 00:31:10.560 Thanks, Kaylee. 552 00:31:10.560 --> 00:31:11.360 Go ahead, Kim. 553 00:31:11.360 --> 00:31:14.640 It's so good to see you, Kim. 554 00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:19.360 I just want to give a little update because last week, 555 00:31:19.360 --> 00:31:21.720 I've been talking to a guy just through the chat 556 00:31:21.720 --> 00:31:22.720 for about a month. 557 00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:28.120 And so I did reach out and say, hey, 558 00:31:28.120 --> 00:31:29.560 my battery's getting low. 559 00:31:29.560 --> 00:31:37.680 I did reach out, and I told him I 560 00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:39.440 would be interested in getting together. 561 00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:40.560 And he said he would, too. 562 00:31:40.560 --> 00:31:42.160 So we did. 563 00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:43.480 So we actually went on a date. 564 00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:45.400 Yeah, it was good. 565 00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:47.160 When was your first date, Kim? 566 00:31:47.160 --> 00:31:50.280 I told him my first date in, like, what, 14 years? 567 00:31:50.280 --> 00:31:53.000 What? 568 00:31:53.000 --> 00:31:54.720 Yeah. 569 00:31:54.720 --> 00:31:55.400 So it was good. 570 00:31:55.400 --> 00:31:57.200 We just went out for coffee and just 571 00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:58.880 had a really great discussion. 572 00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:01.240 And so it was good talking. 573 00:32:01.240 --> 00:32:05.560 My crazy thing was my daughter, who lives in Raleigh. 574 00:32:05.560 --> 00:32:07.120 I live in Virginia. 575 00:32:07.120 --> 00:32:09.480 She got in a car accident in the middle of our date. 576 00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:11.160 And it was, she's OK. 577 00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:12.240 It was just a rear ender. 578 00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:15.320 But I've never been in a car accident 579 00:32:15.320 --> 00:32:17.800 where I was the driver. 580 00:32:17.800 --> 00:32:20.080 And so he helped talk me through it and everything, 581 00:32:20.080 --> 00:32:21.200 like what she needed to do. 582 00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:22.120 That was really sweet. 583 00:32:22.120 --> 00:32:24.320 So yeah. 584 00:32:24.320 --> 00:32:26.280 Kim, that's so good. 585 00:32:26.280 --> 00:32:27.280 Yeah. 586 00:32:27.280 --> 00:32:29.040 Do y'all have another date planned? 587 00:32:29.040 --> 00:32:30.040 Not yet. 588 00:32:30.040 --> 00:32:33.480 But I told him I'd be open to it. 589 00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:35.080 And he said he would love to, too. 590 00:32:35.080 --> 00:32:36.000 But we don't have anything planned. 591 00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:39.160 But we've been still talking back and forth every day. 592 00:32:39.160 --> 00:32:41.760 And y'all are now talking on the phone or texting on the phone? 593 00:32:41.760 --> 00:32:42.920 Texting on the phone, yeah. 594 00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:44.600 Texting on the phone, yeah. 595 00:32:44.600 --> 00:32:45.760 That's so good. 596 00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:46.880 Way to go, Kim. 597 00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:48.560 I'm looking at you. 598 00:32:48.560 --> 00:32:49.360 Well, thank you. 599 00:32:49.360 --> 00:32:50.840 Thank you for your encouragement and your coaching. 600 00:32:50.840 --> 00:32:52.200 I appreciate it. 601 00:32:52.200 --> 00:32:53.200 You're welcome. 602 00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:54.720 Wow, ladies. 603 00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:56.640 Wow. 604 00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:58.600 Oh, the Lord is on the move. 605 00:32:58.600 --> 00:33:00.480 And he's in our neighborhood. 606 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:03.680 Rachel went on two dates, said she didn't have time, 607 00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:04.440 got on the app. 608 00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:05.760 I knew she's so cute. 609 00:33:05.760 --> 00:33:10.120 I knew she was just going to snatch her up from me. 610 00:33:10.120 --> 00:33:11.920 My, my, my. 611 00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:13.000 Anybody else? 612 00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:14.680 Anybody else ready to take the plunge? 613 00:33:14.680 --> 00:33:16.440 Y'all hear about our success stories? 614 00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:18.720 Go ahead, Kim. 615 00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:19.200 Oh, no. 616 00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:19.720 I'm sorry. 617 00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:20.680 I meant to unmute. 618 00:33:20.680 --> 00:33:21.320 I meant to mute. 619 00:33:21.320 --> 00:33:21.840 I'm sorry. 620 00:33:24.040 --> 00:33:24.520 OK. 621 00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:29.680 Nobody else? 622 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:33.880 Well, while you're thinking about it, I do want you. 623 00:33:33.880 --> 00:33:39.000 Sometimes we usually ask about phase two to phase three. 624 00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:41.400 So I just want to touch on that for you ladies. 625 00:33:41.400 --> 00:33:44.080 You do not have to have had seven dates before you 626 00:33:44.080 --> 00:33:46.560 go from phase two to phase three. 627 00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:48.720 We do encourage you to get as many dates 628 00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:51.840 as you can before you exit phase two into phase three 629 00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:54.440 because our phase two community is much smaller. 630 00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:57.880 And so you have more of this directness all the time. 631 00:33:57.880 --> 00:34:00.000 Phase three is a much larger community. 632 00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:02.000 And they have amazing coaches over there. 633 00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:04.400 But you don't, these sessions will 634 00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:06.440 be like an ex-Jackie session. 635 00:34:06.440 --> 00:34:09.960 And so it's with the whole community. 636 00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:14.600 And then they have some amazing workshops 637 00:34:14.600 --> 00:34:17.639 that you go to there, advanced hard work things. 638 00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:20.920 So phase three is wonderful. 639 00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:26.880 But I don't want you guys to like, one of the things 640 00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:30.520 is there are a community of both men and women. 641 00:34:30.520 --> 00:34:31.679 That's the thing. 642 00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:34.000 And then sometimes we believe if I go to phase three, 643 00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:35.320 then everything is going to happen. 644 00:34:35.320 --> 00:34:36.040 I did the hard work. 645 00:34:36.040 --> 00:34:37.000 I did phase two a little while. 646 00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:39.719 Now phase three, everything is about to explode and happen. 647 00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:42.960 That's not true. 648 00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:44.040 Just hear me. 649 00:34:44.040 --> 00:34:45.320 That's not true. 650 00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:49.800 Moving to phase three is just you moving to phase three. 651 00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:51.080 OK? 652 00:34:51.080 --> 00:34:54.000 You need to hear this because I hear this all the time. 653 00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:55.880 It's a real belief. 654 00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:59.960 And the same guys you're partnering with today in 655 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.200 Phase two is the same guy you're going to wake up tomorrow with in phase three. 656 00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:08.200 The phase doesn't change the journey. 657 00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:10.760 Not that I'm trying to hold you into phase two. 658 00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:13.520 I want you to go to phase three because it's amazing. 659 00:35:13.720 --> 00:35:18.480 But I also don't want you to rush past dating for discovery where you can bounce 660 00:35:18.680 --> 00:35:22.240 things out, somebody more readily, they're more quickly available to you. 661 00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:24.160 And you're holding out saying when I get 662 00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:27.920 to phase three, it's a it's a it's a what they call it. 663 00:35:28.120 --> 00:35:29.400 You know, 664 00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:32.120 what do you call it when you share dorms with guys? 665 00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:34.920 It's a cold, cold, what? 666 00:35:35.120 --> 00:35:39.400 Cold, cold, cold. 667 00:35:39.600 --> 00:35:40.560 Thank you. 668 00:35:40.760 --> 00:35:42.680 It's a cold community. 669 00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:45.800 And so I'm just going to meet somebody there because they've gone through this 670 00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:48.160 program and they've gone through the program. 671 00:35:48.360 --> 00:35:51.040 I've gone through the program. It's going to be wonderful. 672 00:35:51.240 --> 00:35:54.000 You guys, just like you're in the program 673 00:35:54.000 --> 00:35:56.680 and you're growing in the areas of you that have to be. 674 00:35:56.680 --> 00:36:00.280 This is the same thing that's happening with whatever guy you think is on the other 675 00:36:00.480 --> 00:36:03.520 side of this, on the other, in the other phase. 676 00:36:03.720 --> 00:36:07.200 Like Jackie often says, don't bank on the fact that somebody is 677 00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:10.600 in this program that you don't have to vet them. 678 00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.600 You know what I'm saying? 679 00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:14.680 The same way when you're in hard work and you know, you didn't do everything you 680 00:36:14.680 --> 00:36:17.360 could have did and you skip through stuff and you were just ready to get out because 681 00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:19.280 you're ready to start dating because you're so excited. 682 00:36:19.480 --> 00:36:21.720 It's the same way people skip over hard work. 683 00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.600 Every time that you could lean in to do 684 00:36:23.600 --> 00:36:24.960 hard work, you'd be like, just forget it. 685 00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:25.960 I'll push it to the side. 686 00:36:25.960 --> 00:36:28.240 Everybody has those same options. 687 00:36:28.440 --> 00:36:30.360 And so even if you met somebody within 688 00:36:30.360 --> 00:36:33.480 the program, you want to go through the process of getting to know them, 689 00:36:33.680 --> 00:36:36.080 vetting them, just going through the whole process. 690 00:36:36.080 --> 00:36:37.520 I just want to say that, right? 691 00:36:37.720 --> 00:36:40.480 I think it's wonderful if you went into phase three and you got into one 692 00:36:40.680 --> 00:36:42.760 of the sessions and you met somebody in there. 693 00:36:42.960 --> 00:36:44.680 I do. I think it's wonderful. 694 00:36:44.680 --> 00:36:46.840 They did the spotlight, seeing their spotlight. 695 00:36:47.040 --> 00:36:48.440 I mean, it's a lot of fun. 696 00:36:48.640 --> 00:36:54.160 And then you can like put like senior information if you're interested. 697 00:36:54.160 --> 00:36:55.720 Like they'll say senior latest in your 698 00:36:55.720 --> 00:36:58.960 information in one picture of yourself and answer these particular questions 699 00:36:59.160 --> 00:37:03.000 because they've narrowed it down, but 700 00:37:03.200 --> 00:37:04.560 it's a good phase. 701 00:37:04.560 --> 00:37:05.640 I just want to talk to you about that. 702 00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:07.880 You don't have to have had seven dates. 703 00:37:08.080 --> 00:37:09.960 Honestly, if you didn't want to go on that 704 00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:13.840 one date and you've been in phase two for like we try to say stay four to five 705 00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:17.960 weeks and you want to go to phase three, you literally just go up to resources, 706 00:37:18.160 --> 00:37:22.520 send in your email to add me and say, move me to phase three. 707 00:37:22.680 --> 00:37:24.600 There is not a requirement. 708 00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:28.120 We just encourage you to date for discovery. 709 00:37:28.320 --> 00:37:31.480 Dating for discovery equips you, it gives you capacity, 710 00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:35.680 it stretches you and it helps you get to know yourself. 711 00:37:35.880 --> 00:37:40.600 But if you know, you know, so that's my I just want to say that. 712 00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:44.720 So we we don't want to hold you hostage. 713 00:37:44.920 --> 00:37:51.000 But I want you to get everything you're going to get out of this phase and 714 00:37:51.200 --> 00:37:56.080 once they can get everything that you're going to get out of this phase. 715 00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:00.120 I had to let the dog out. 716 00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:01.880 So, yep, that's it, ladies. 717 00:38:02.080 --> 00:38:07.320 It has been a good night and nobody has any questions or concerns. 718 00:38:07.520 --> 00:38:08.720 I have one. 719 00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:10.280 Oh, best. 720 00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:13.640 All right. I'm new here, so I haven't done the dating for discovery yet. 721 00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:17.240 But in the past for online dating, I have 722 00:38:17.240 --> 00:38:22.560 found that the pace in which every individual wants to go with online dating 723 00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:24.640 is quite different. 724 00:38:24.840 --> 00:38:28.600 I'm curious if there's a way to kind of have that initial conversation of 725 00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:34.240 like, I would I prefer to just get to know you as a person first before we decide if 726 00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:38.400 we're actually wanting to, you know, be exclusive or whatever. 727 00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:41.560 I mean, nobody asks to be exclusive on date one or anything like that. 728 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:46.000 But the pace still feels different of of certain people. 729 00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:49.720 So ask me that question another way. 730 00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:54.280 It's probably similar to the way people have been asking of when to start asking 731 00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.800 personal questions, like some people really want to ask a lot of really deep 732 00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:03.520 questions early on and and know all the nitty gritty early on. 733 00:39:03.720 --> 00:39:09.080 And some are not even sure if they're in a place that they want to be dating anybody. 734 00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:10.680 So 735 00:39:11.040 --> 00:39:13.400 and I tend to prefer to just get to know 736 00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:17.880 somebody almost more as like we met online is the way that we met. 737 00:39:18.080 --> 00:39:19.560 But I still want to get to know somebody 738 00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:25.960 organically just as do I enjoy being in your company before I decide if I want to. 739 00:39:26.920 --> 00:39:28.520 Be dating them. 740 00:39:28.720 --> 00:39:33.400 OK, so it sounds like you're asking me when you're getting to know someone online, 741 00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:37.200 how soon would you say to them, hey, let's take this conversation offline and maybe 742 00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:41.160 go grab a cup of coffee or even when you meet in person? 743 00:39:41.160 --> 00:39:46.520 Because I kind of tend to have decided to just meet sooner rather than later, 744 00:39:46.520 --> 00:39:49.960 because I feel like meeting in person is just an easier way to get to know somebody. 745 00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:51.440 But 746 00:39:52.240 --> 00:39:54.200 I don't know a better way to describe it. 747 00:39:54.400 --> 00:39:57.400 Just feels like some people want to be. 748 00:39:57.960 --> 00:39:59.800 You're one and only on day one. 749 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.040 And some people you get two months in and all of a sudden they're like, I don't, 750 00:40:04.040 --> 00:40:05.760 I'm not even in a position to date. 751 00:40:05.760 --> 00:40:08.400 I'm not really sure how to kind of decipher those things. 752 00:40:09.040 --> 00:40:12.720 And so everybody's going to have a pacing that is true, 753 00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:14.240 but you're the decider. 754 00:40:15.040 --> 00:40:20.040 And so we say that when you're getting to know someone online by the end of the 755 00:40:20.040 --> 00:40:22.040 week, you should be setting up a coffee date. 756 00:40:22.920 --> 00:40:23.600 Okay. 757 00:40:23.600 --> 00:40:26.960 You shouldn't be talking to somebody online for two weeks, three weeks. 758 00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:31.080 Like this is the order of the program, even though people do it. Um, 759 00:40:31.720 --> 00:40:34.880 uh, talking to someone two or three weeks on an app texting, 760 00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:38.320 there should have been a meeting by now, 761 00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:42.640 even if you did a zoom call or a Google meet call. Right. 762 00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:47.120 So somehow you want to get out of that everyday texting, everyday texting, 763 00:40:47.160 --> 00:40:49.360 everyday texting. You don't want to do that. 764 00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.040 And so I am a very, I don't like to talk to people. 765 00:40:54.040 --> 00:40:57.560 I don't know how they look. I don't do it. 766 00:40:59.040 --> 00:41:02.640 And so after, if I have the capacity to be back and forth, 767 00:41:02.640 --> 00:41:07.080 which hardly ever happens by the second time, depending on what you say, 768 00:41:07.080 --> 00:41:09.080 depending on what I see, I'm going to say, Hey, 769 00:41:09.320 --> 00:41:13.840 I'd be very interested to have a conversation with you followed by a FaceTime. 770 00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:17.480 What does that sound like to you? Here's my availability. 771 00:41:17.600 --> 00:41:21.360 Let me know what you want to do. That's the second day for me. Okay. 772 00:41:21.520 --> 00:41:24.840 That's just me. I don't, that's not your timeline, 773 00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:25.800 but by the end of the week, 774 00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:28.800 our ideal is for you to have a live date in front of you. If you can, 775 00:41:29.160 --> 00:41:32.040 we have busy schedules, so sometimes they get pushed to two weeks, 776 00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:36.200 but we don't prefer you text for two weeks before you even start setting 777 00:41:36.200 --> 00:41:39.160 something up because now you're setting yourself up for about four weeks 778 00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:42.880 because you have to adjust schedules. And so think about it now. 779 00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:46.640 Now you've really invested talking to this person for four weeks. 780 00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:50.360 You don't know a person until you experienced them. It is the truth. 781 00:41:50.600 --> 00:41:53.240 You can talk to them, but it's when you get around them, 782 00:41:53.240 --> 00:41:56.040 you could feel like, I really don't know you. 783 00:41:56.640 --> 00:41:58.360 No matter how much you've been talking to them, 784 00:41:58.600 --> 00:42:01.840 because you have to be in their presence. Even on FaceTime, 785 00:42:02.920 --> 00:42:05.600 you can FaceTime a lot, but it's when you sit in their presence, 786 00:42:05.680 --> 00:42:08.280 you can feel more of who they are. 787 00:42:08.560 --> 00:42:12.080 And so I understand that there's nothing wrong with you taking that route. 788 00:42:12.440 --> 00:42:15.360 Now if a person wants to get booed up with you in the first week, 789 00:42:15.400 --> 00:42:18.520 you just say things like, Hey, I noticed your pacing is pretty fast, 790 00:42:18.920 --> 00:42:22.400 but I don't move at this speed. So what I can offer you right now, 791 00:42:22.640 --> 00:42:26.400 it's just a very casual get to know you. If you can handle that, 792 00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:29.120 then let's do it. But if you can't, I completely understand. 793 00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:31.960 So when you use language like babe, 794 00:42:32.000 --> 00:42:34.520 or you're calling a little bit more than I would like, 795 00:42:34.640 --> 00:42:35.960 that's not going to work. 796 00:42:36.200 --> 00:42:40.600 So let's put some pacing to this and we can keep going. 797 00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:42.640 And so it just kind of like that. 798 00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:44.200 That's helpful. Thank you. 799 00:42:44.640 --> 00:42:45.640 Yeah. Oh, great. 800 00:42:45.880 --> 00:42:47.920 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. 801 00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:52.680 You're welcome. Such good questions. Okay, ladies, 802 00:42:53.080 --> 00:42:57.120 I hope that you have a very good night. You guys have been absolutely amazing. 803 00:42:57.120 --> 00:43:01.000 I'm so happy to see all y'all that I haven't seen in so long. Um, 804 00:43:01.040 --> 00:43:04.440 keep posting, keep us updated. Let us, Oh, Sarah, 805 00:43:04.440 --> 00:43:06.560 did you let the hamburger ice cream man go? 806 00:43:09.720 --> 00:43:12.760 He hasn't followed up with me. 807 00:43:14.160 --> 00:43:17.520 I think he's let you go. He let you go, baby. 808 00:43:18.120 --> 00:43:18.960 You let me go. 809 00:43:23.240 --> 00:43:25.720 But I feel like God's got, God's got some, 810 00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:28.160 something else and some someone better. 811 00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:30.080 That's right. It's not funny, Sarah, 812 00:43:30.080 --> 00:43:32.440 but you said I've been hurting and you were the main one. 813 00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:35.760 Like I'm not going to text him. I told him to skip a date and I'm like, 814 00:43:36.920 --> 00:43:39.080 I know. And then when I'm the rejected one, 815 00:43:43.080 --> 00:43:43.920 thanks for following up. 816 00:43:44.760 --> 00:43:47.360 You were like, the man was like, can we talk? You said, no, 817 00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:52.360 we'll wait another day. And I was like, what? And now he won't even take you. 818 00:43:53.360 --> 00:43:57.080 He won't take you to get a hamburger. You didn't even ask for a cheeseburger. 819 00:43:57.680 --> 00:44:01.280 I know. I told him I don't, I don't drink. He's like, okay, I'll order you a beer. 820 00:44:01.320 --> 00:44:04.320 I don't drink beer. I'll order you a wine. I don't drink wine. 821 00:44:05.160 --> 00:44:07.160 And then I think he just kind of wrote me off. 822 00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:08.840 God. 823 00:44:12.040 --> 00:44:14.280 So anyways, I think I committed three, 824 00:44:14.320 --> 00:44:18.720 three no-no's with that with ice cream guy and he's not interested anymore. 825 00:44:18.720 --> 00:44:20.120 I'm like, Oh, 826 00:44:20.800 --> 00:44:23.040 well he's just going to eat the ice cream and hush up. 827 00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:24.960 Exactly. 828 00:44:26.120 --> 00:44:28.280 I, yeah, yeah. Well, thanks for that. 829 00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:34.520 Yeah, of course you're welcome. I think he likes to drink too. All right, ladies, 830 00:44:34.520 --> 00:44:38.240 it was so good seeing y'all and you keep up the good work and keep us updated. 831 00:44:38.240 --> 00:44:40.640 I'm excited for each and every one of you. Have a good night. 832 00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:41.720 Thanks for hanging in there.